#10 minutes after posting this i realized that i forgot to add a very important piece of dialogue | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

in-superbloom · 3 years

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did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? (a.i.)

right where you left me: prologue

pairing: ashton irwin x olivia jones (oc)

warnings: uhh a kinda grieving theme i guess? but no deaths. it has a sad tone overall, but nothing major (in this chapter hehe). foul language because i can't help myself. the tiniest mention of alcohol, but as a memory. think i should probably warn you that this contains a very sad ash. also not much dialogues. this is mainly for explanation and introduction, but very important for the story. if you find anything else that might be triggering, please let me know so i can add it here !!

author's note: oof okay. so. this is the prologue of a series very very dear to my heart that i've been working on for what it feels like my whole life but really it's been just a few months. but i'm in love with the story (which rarely happens with my own writing) so i hope you can enjoy it too !! this is also my very first time posting a fic since 2013 so pls keep that in mind <3 no i am not shaking as type this ofc not also: although i have the full story ready in my head, this is the only chapter that's written. i wanted to wait until i had at least a few ready before posting this but i'm too anxious for that lmao just saying this bc it will take a good while until i have any more chapters, so <3 (p.s.: i went over this thing a million times since may so if you find any errors pls look away, i'm not fixing this thing anymore. thanks <3)

another note: anna from the future here to say that i completely forgot about the playlist i made for the story lmao here it is in case you're interested k thanks bye <3

credits: title is from taylor swift's song right where you left me. model in the picture: paola locatelli. banner by me.

i also wanted to take a minute to thank some really nice friends that i've made here over these past few months & that i'm extremely grateful for @wastelandcth @suchalonelysunflower @littledrummerangie i cannot thank you babes enough for inspiring me the way that you do & for letting me yell about this to you && for encouraging me so much 🥺 i'll never be able to explain just how much this means to me, so i'll have to settle for saying thank you at any change that i can get <3 i love you all 💜 also gem my baby, thank you for the inspo with the banner 💚

@bluesdelis look babe i did it 😌 you know how grateful i am for you & for you letting me have a breakdown every week about my writing for the past 8 years so let's not dive into that or else i will write something bigger than this prologue jsjsjdjd love you 🖤

i hope you all have a good reading and a nice day ♡

let me know what are your thoughts about the fic ! ♡

word count: 4.1k

☆☆☆

Cold. That was the first thing that Olivia’s brain processed.

Still with her eyes closed, she buried herself more into the duvet, while her arm blindly reached for the furnace in human form that she calls boyfriend. However, as soon as her arm was only met with cold sheets, her eyes shot open.

Blinking the sleep away, she sat up on the bed, searching for the infamous red clock resting on Ashton’s bedside table that was supposed to look like a vintage alarm clock. Olivia had ordered it online at an auction website a couple of years back, as a gift for his 23rd birthday, since it was something he had mentioned multiple times prior that he was looking for, but still hadn't found. But when it finally came in (two weeks after the due date), it looked nothing like the picture she saw on the website. Feeling beyond frustrated, she wanted to send it back immediately and ask for a refund and maybe leave a not so polite review on the seller's page. But Ashton stopped her right away, laughing like the situation was absolutely hilarious to him, while saying, 'I like it, it’s quirky'. So, the clock stayed and found a home right next to him in their room.

Some days, however, she would wake up at some ungodly hour because of the blaring noise of the only ringtone the clock had. But whatever annoyance she could feel towards the object, it always vanished as soon as she felt Ashton's lips gently touching her face in a good morning kiss before he would get up to start his day, leaving her to catch some more hours of well deserved sleep.

As the furthest from a morning person as a touring musician could possibly be, Olivia had always feared that living under the same roof as Ashton would turn her into an early bird like him, but she's thankful that it never happened (not that he needs to know about that).

When she sees the red clock, she smiles at the sudden but welcome memories of them flooding her foggy brain, but frowns slightly when she realizes it reads 12:13 pm. Ashton rarely lets her sleep past 10 am.

Gathering all her strength and will, she rises up from the bed, smoothly picking up a grey wool sweatshirt from the chair (way too baggy on her slim body, but it smells like him), pulling it over her head and relishing on the soft material warming up her body. Making her way to the door and calmly going down the stairs, she can’t help but stop for a minute to admire the picture frames on their walls, one in particular catches her attention – probably one of the most prized pictures and memories they had. It felt older than it actually is, but it was around 4 years ago, she's sure – a little while after the two of them met. The picture was of their group of friends that still remains the same: Ashton and his best friend, Luke; Olivia, her best friend, Calum and their old hometown friend, turned into Calum’s new friend at college, turned into everyone’s friend, Michael; and her then newly band members, Suki, Eli and Ravi. Together, their group was the life of the party through all their college years, and it showed by the big smiles and drinks in hands they all had in the picture. It was a very special night, the first time Olivia’s little band played for the public – for a small audience sure, but it was a wonderful night nonetheless. What a long road it had been since that night.

Her nostalgic thoughts were interrupted by a shiver that went through her whole body, and it made her realize how oddly cold the whole house was, not only their bedroom. Which, granted, it was November in New York and the weather was just getting colder, but that’s exactly why Ashton always made sure to keep the house warm enough. As much as she loved the chilly season, the warm weather always reminded him of his hometown, and who was she to deny him that?

The smell of fresh made coffee could be sensed even before she reached the kitchen. Arriving there, the curly haired woman still found no signs of her boyfriend, so she went straight after the coffee maker pot sitting on the far left corner of the cream marble counter. Smiling softly at the tons of memories of Ashton's sleepy figure making their favorite beverage, she reached for a coffee mug on the cupboard on top of the counter and poured the remainder of the hot liquid on it (it's her favorite mug, if she must choose – it was a gift from a fan, and it had printed on it a collage of the pictures of her and Ashton that were posted on social media through their first year of relationship).

Moving to the glass doors that lead to the mini garden they cultivate, she didn't have to open them to spot the 6-feet-tall man sitting on a bench outside, looking oddly small in his oversized clothes, coffee mug tightly held between strong hands. Something about his figure made Olivia frown, however: he was staring with an unwavering look at her small but eye-catching pot of yellow daffodils that were almost as much of a pet to them as Stitch at this point. Sensing that there’s something definitely off about his semblance, she made a mental note to talk to him and find out what’s wrong later. So she goes back to the kitchen, knowing that he might need this quiet and private moment for himself.

She lost count of the minutes that went by (couldn't have been more than five) before she hears the garden's door opening and closing, and then his bare feet are dragging his brawny body to her. Except, he goes over to the sink, walking right through her, not showing any sign that he even saw her hunched figure over the counter table in the middle of the room.

Alright, someone's in a mood.

Olivia tries to swallow the annoyance already bubbling inside her – he knows how much she hates to be ignored, no matter how mad he might be – by trying to think of what she can say that won't piss him off. This is always a hard feat to accomplish when Ashton gets in these moods, but there’s a reason for them to work so well together.

“I missed my favorite body heater when I woke up,” she says in her best sweet voice, knowing how quickly his resolve crumbles when he hears that voice.

Still, no reaction.

That settles a worry at the pit of her stomach, because Ashton is never like this. Even when he's not in the mood to talk, he always gives some kind of reaction to her words; it doesn't matter how small, just enough to make her feel acknowledged.

When he's finished washing his mug and the few scattered dishes across the sink – she noticed that he already had lunch, if the lone plate in the drying rack is anything to go by –, he dries his hand in a towel, turns around and throws it on top of the same counter Olivia was leaning up against. Once again, he walks away not even sparing her a look.

Indignant, she leaves the now empty coffee mug on top of the table and follows him as he walks up the stairs, any determination to not aggravate his mood now well gone.

“Hey! In case you didn't notice, I'm right here. Whatever got you in this sour mood, I'm certainly not to blame, so can you stop being a child now and talk to me?!”

Ashton just keeps walking – more like sluggishly dragging his body – until he reaches their bedroom and suddenly stops just merely two feet inside the room, looking around with vacant eyes; like he was expecting to see something that wasn't there.

“Okay, that's really mature of you. Are you planning on ignoring me all day then?” Olivia questions exasperated, staring angrily at the back of his neck, where the condor tattoo lives – her favorite of his, but that sight doesn't bring her any peace today like it usually does.

Her glare only breaks when she hears the familiar sound of dog tags swaying on her right side. Shifting her gaze to the direction of the sound, Olivia notices Stitch, their small, black & white French bulldog – who she thought was outside in the garden – slowly trudging his way from around the bed until he stops at Ashton's feet, looking up at one of his humans with sad eyes. That realization only makes the worry in her stomach grow uncomfortably.

“Hi buddy,” Ashton's voice cracks a bit from the lack of use, but he smiles softly at the sweet dog, and crouches down to pet him.

Olivia can't help but gasp as she notices three things all at once that leave her overwhelmed: first, how she didn't even notice Stitch was in the room when she woke up – which never ever happens, in fact, most days he wakes her up whenever he deems her bedtime as finished and can't ever contain his excitement when she finally gets up; second, how the windows blinds are closed, which, again, rarely occurs under their roof, not if Ashton can help it. And third, how sad and melancholic the whole scene in front of her is – how sad and melancholic Ashton is. Pointless to say by now – that's also a very rare occasion.

A chill creeps up Olivia's spine, putting her body into high alert and also serving as a reminder of how everything looks out of place today. Trying to keep her head from spiraling down way too soon, she wraps her arms around herself and crouches down beside her two favorite boys, trying once more.

“Ash? Can you hear me?” even with her throat closing, she softly asks, purposefully putting her face in Ashton's point of view. Her only answer is the low whispers he's letting out to Stitch, while cradling the tiny dog in his arms, spreading gentle kisses on his head.

“I know, bud, I know. I miss her too,” is the only whisper she could understand and immediately wishes she hadn't. The weak wail that comes from Stitch's throat seems to fit perfectly with how the three of them feel.

Ashton then looks up and for a couple of seconds, and Olivia can swear he’s staring right into her eyes. But when he shows no reaction, she knows he’s just staring ahead and not at her, with that look that says there’s too much going on inside his head. She feels the urge to embrace him and get him to talk about whatever is on his mind, so they can share that weight like they always do, but when Ashton gets up from the ground and settles on the bed with Stitch, Olivia can physically feel the crack in her heart caused by the feeling she’s left with.

While Ashton is pulling the duvet over him and the dog, with clearly no intentions of getting up anytime soon, Olivia stands up on her feet with a new-found determination – she needs to figure out what the hell is going on.

This nightmare had to be just that, right? Nothing but a very vivid dream – she's had those before. Scary sure, but they always go away, and soon enough she's back into Ashton's arms, with Stitch jumping on the bed ready to lick their faces off. She just needs to wake herself up from whatever fucked up dream this is – right?

She's running down the stairs this time, frantically in search of something, of what exactly, she doesn’t know – but she knows she needs an answer. The more she looks for something, the more desperate she gets, not knowing what to look for. Then suddenly, something catches her eyes.

The white and blue calendar that's held up by magnets on the side of the fridge. She knows their calendar is red and yellow. They got it from their favorite flower market. Slowly, as if scared of what it might be there – “It's just a calendar, for fucks sake” – she approaches the damn thing. Upon inspection, she deems it as a normal calendar – she really doesn't know what she was expecting – until.

She knows what's wrong with it now.

It's November. She knows it, because the Asian and last leg of her first world tour is about to begin November 21st, eleven days from today. Right after Mike's birthday, she knows this.

Then why does the calendar say today is January 14th?

☆ ☆ ☆

Ashton woke up with a jolt. He quickly sat up, frightening the little Frenchie that was asleep right next to him on the bed. Trying to make sense of his surroundings, he roughly rubbed his face to get some sleep off of it and soon reached for the dog that was staring at him with sleepy but sad eyes. Ashton is sure Stitch understands far more than a dog is supposed to understand about their current situation.

The room is covered in shadows, almost pitch black, but he can see the sunlight even through the thick dark grey blinds covering up the windows. Ashton knows he won't be able to sleep again at that moment, so he gets up from the bed – much slower than he used to. His heartbeat is still out of control because of the nightmare that woke him up, but he can't bother to pay attention to it when Stitch is softly wailing beside him. Ashton lets out a ghost of a smile when the dog rests his head on his right upper thigh, looking up at him with an expression Ashton knows all too well.

“C'mon you little ravenous creature, let's feed you,” the bulldog excitedly jumps to the ground, already running his way down the stairs, not even waiting for Ashton to get up.

That gets a real smile out of him, but it vanishes as soon as he glances at the alarm clock on his bedside table. It reads 5:13 am, nothing out of the ordinary for him. But that small and inoffensive clock, with its red paint peeling off, holds a lot of memories for him. Memories that two months ago would bring joy to his heart, but now he almost wants to throw the object across the room.

It was a stupid thing, really. He had been wanting a vintage alarm clock and Olivia got one for his birthday. But the product they received was definitely not the one she bought, and if he's being honest, he didn't like it as much as he made out to. But seeing her so excited in the weeks before it arrived, and how disappointed she was when it did, he couldn't help but try his best to make her smile that luminous smile again. It's part of his nature by now.

That's also the reason why he lets her think that he doesn't notice when she wakes up at some ungodly hour (her words, not his) along with him, because of the annoying and only sound the alarm clock is able to produce. He always leaves soft kisses in every inch of bare skin he can find on her sleeping figure, so she goes back to the dream land and doesn't wake up before 10 am. No one wants to deal with that kind of bad humor, not even him.

As much as he likes being a morning person and absolutely enjoys her company in the mornings, he knows she'll take any and every extra hour of sleep she can get before starting the day. And that's why he loves that she's so stubborn that his early bird tendencies never got to her – he knows she feared that this would happen when they moved in together, but he met her like this, fell for her like this. He wouldn't change a single thing about her.

Ashton drags himself out of the bed, wincing slightly at how cold the wooden floors are under his bare feet. He doesn't bother putting some socks on, or a sweater – the cold weather in the house is uncharacteristically comforting to him. Nothing feels warm without her anyway.

While descending the stairs, he mentally curses himself for not being strong enough to look past the picture frames on the wall. One in particular catches his eyes – a picture from the night of Olivia's first concert with her band. The memories of that night are still painfully vivid in his mind: the laughter among their group that eventually infected everyone at the pub, Suki and Luke's first kiss and the silly smile that didn't leave his best friend's face all night, the standing ovation Olivia got after her three-songs set, and her captivating and breathtaking smile that made him realize right then and there, while watching her sway to the music, that he was definitely falling in love with her and there was nothing he could do to stop it – not that he wanted to.

So many memories held up on that wall, in the relatively short time since they met, that he can't help but wonder if that's all they'll get in this lifetime.

Ashton is abruptly taken out of his thoughts by Stitch's barks coming from the bottom of the stairs. He quickly jogs down the few steps left and goes straight after the dog's food in the kitchen's cabinet. After Stitch starts to happily devour his breakfast, Ashton goes to make his coffee, doing enough for two people like he always does, since Calum drops by most days for a chat or to drop Duke before going to work. Although all three of them know he just can't bother to make food for himself in the morning, while Ashton is the group's elected chef. Ashton always says he just needs a boyfriend – Olivia says Calum already has one who makes him breakfast every day.

He grabs an apple from the fridge and makes his way outside to their garden. Even though a lot of their memories took place there, the garden is the only space in the house where he doesn't feel like suffocating all the time. At least here, he can breathe some fresh air and look at the sky when he's feeling overwhelmed – which is basically all he's been doing for about a month now.

Yet, a lot of the garden has Olivia's name written all over.

He remembers vividly the day she came home after spending two weeks in LA doing some pocket shows, with a pack of daffodil seeds and the largest smile. She excitedly told him that a friend gifted it to her when she mentioned the little garden they were planning to build together at their new house. The friend told Olivia that daffodils symbolize rebirth and new beginnings, so as the good lover of symbolism that she is, Olivia loved the idea of having those flowers to symbolize their new beginning.

Ashton, on the other hand, wasn't a fan of the flowers at first – he just didn't see the appeal to them. But nonetheless, he indulged her, letting Olivia plant the seeds near the bench they used to sit during the quiet and unrushed afternoons, so they could admire the sunset, and she could happily look at the daffodils.

Pointless to say – the damn flowers grew on him.

Now, however, looking at them without Olivia and her contagious joy next to him, they were back to be as dull as they were before, if not more so.

Still lost inside his head without any sense of how much time went by since he sat down, Ashton doesn't hear the front door closing, and doesn't notice that he's no longer the only person inside the house until someone sits next to him on the bench. Yet, he doesn't show any sign of acknowledgement to them.

A few minutes go by before either of them speaks up.

“Luke said you didn't go to see her yesterday,” Calum starts softly, not wanting to disturb the calmness of the morning.

Ashton takes a few seconds to respond, “No point in doing that.” The black haired man licks his lips while thinking carefully about his next words.

“You know staying inside this house all day by yourself won't help either,” Calum turns his head to his left and takes a good look at Ashton's uncharacteristically hunched over figure, and immediately thinks that anyone can tell this man is not himself anymore. His second thought is that Olivia would hate seeing him like this.

“And what exactly do you expect me to do? Move on with my life like nothing happened? Like I'm not slowly and painfully losing the love of my life? Just because it’s easy for you doesn't mean it's easy for me.”

Calum closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He knows Ashton doesn't mean it, it's the anger and frustration talking. He knows it. Doesn't make it sting any less.

“I'm not telling you to move on with your life, because that's far from what I'm doing, and I certainly don't expect you to do it. I'm just saying you need to occupy your mind or else–”

“I'll go insane? Think it's a bit too late for that,” Ashton interrupts with a bitter tone that doesn't belong to his usual chirpy voice.

“You know it's not,” Calum sighs and drinks the rest of his coffee, moving his body slightly, so he's facing the blonde man, “I got a job interview for you at that school you talked about so much last summer, the principal said you can go any day this week. I went ahead and sent her your resume as well as explained everything that she needs to know about Olivia, so you don't have to. You just gotta put on some decent clothes and show up.” he sees Ashton's face softening a little and takes it as a victory. A few beats go by and then, “Maybe take a shower too. That's gonna make you feel better.” Calum leans in closer to his friend's personal space and takes a sniff, causing Ashton to deflect from him slightly, but not to push him away – another small win.

“Definitely take a shower, you stink. When was the last time your hair saw shampoo?”

“Fuck off,” is Ashton's only reply to the younger man's inquest. But Calum can see a smile creeping up on the blonde's face, which brings out a smile of his own.

“I'll send you all the details later today,” he checks the hour on the watch on his wrist and gets up, “Just please, Ash, go. I can't lose you too.”

Calum gently lays a hand on Ashton's shoulder and squeezes a little. The man doesn't look up, but gives a curt nod to his friend, who's satisfied enough. Calum stops on the threshold of the garden glass doors to give some kisses to Stitch – who came to make Ashton company as soon as he finished his food –, and then he puts the coffee mug on the dishwater. And soon enough, he's on his way out of the door. But not before snatching a tangerine from the fridge.

Ashton is left by himself once again. As he hears the sound of the front door closing, he thinks that this might be his life from now on. Just him and Stitch, trying their hardest to make it through another miserable day without the love of their lives. While everyone else comes by just to make sure he's still breathing. Breathing, maybe, but alive?

Swallowing the tears, he looks up at the sky. It's a deep, beautiful mix of orange, pink and blue, but he knows that it won't last long and soon the rain will be pouring down. He thinks about how much Olivia loves the rain.

God, he needs to pull himself together. She would hate to see him like this. Maybe he should take Calum's offer after all, he really needs to occupy his mind.

Making a mental note to thank Calum later, and also to apologize for how rude he was to him this morning, Ashton slowly gets up from the bench to put his mug on the sink and makes his way to the living room, with the small dog loyally following his every step. He puts on some cartoon that for once doesn't remind him of her (she always lovingly made fun of him for still watching those) and cuddles with Stitch on the couch. He can take a shower later.

Not half an hour goes by, he falls asleep and has a good dream for a change. He dreams of the days he spent with Olivia in the Philippines last February, right before her first world tour started. Some of the most magical days of their lives – surrounded by delicious food, a whole new culture to learn about and the warmth of the sun. Infinite counted days full of love and passion, where they were the only people in the world.

Even his subconscious knows to hold on to that brief moment of happiness, because he might never live that again.

#anna writes #perhaps she does write after all #alright i'm gonna go hide somewhere now bye #ashton irwin fanfiction #ashton irwin fic #ashton 5sos #ashton irwin x oc #5sos fanfic #5sos fic #ashton irwin imagine #5 seconds of summer #5sos imagine #anna writes: rwylm

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dianapana · 3 years

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SH Day 1: The Beginning of us

@sasuhinamonth

(Modern AU, OOC most likely)

“Kids, don’t forget to be very nice to Grandma today, it’s a difficult day for her” Hikari said once again, only to be met with silence. The woman sighed deeply and looked into the rearview mirror at her two teens, both with earphones in, typing away on their phones.

“They both love your mom; I know they’ve been in awful mood swings lately but they haven’t seen Hinata in a couple weeks.” Yuuta, Hikari’s husband tried to reassure her.

“I know, but this would have been dad’s birthday, and she always gets so sad around this time of the year. It’s been almost 10 years since dad died, but it still breaks my heart every time to see her cry”

Just as she finished talking the car stopped, Hikari did not have the time to turn around and ask her kids to be well-behaved because they were both out of their seats and running towards the house.

“These kids, I swear…” Hikari murmured to herself as she was putting her phone into her purse getting ready to get out of the car as well. She was just about to complain some more but was cut off.

“MOOOOOM, THE DOOR’S LOCKED”

That was it, the sentence that made her skin crawl, she froze in place. Hinata always waited for them by the window and would come outside when the car park, no matter how down she was that day, she would always be outside, but she wasn’t, the door was locked.

“Kids come back here,” Yuuta said softly while taking her purse. The kids got back into the car with wide eyes, confused but also scared. Hikari could not move, she stayed still and silent looking at her own hands as Yuuta went to unlock the door and then went deeper into the house. The few minutes he was gone felt both like a few seconds and an eternity.

He came out of the house with a deep frown on, he didn’t even have to say the words, they all knew. The kids cried Hikari fought against tears and Yuuta called his brother-in-law to tell him the sad news. Hinata had passed away in her sleep.

The week to come was a blur of phone calls and planning intertwined with crying, mourning and comforting. The funeral came and ended in a blink of an eye. Most of Hinata’s friends and generation had already passed, thus most of the people attending were distant family or kids of her friends. Regardless the room was filled with sobs and condolences. Just a few days prior Hikari complained about her kids growing up too fast, becoming adults that no longer needed her, but during the funeral, both of them held her hand as they cried throughout the ceremony.

Hinata was buried next to Sasuke, after 10 years of making him wait she decided to leave them and join him in heaven, part of Hikari was happy the two of them would meet again in the afterlife, but the other half of her was stubbornly missing her mother, needing her even in her adult life.

The last step of the process was cleaning out the house. It almost felt like blasphemy when they decided to sell the house. Sasuke built that house for Hinata, they started their family there. Even after Sasuke passed Hinata refused to move in with either of her kids because the house itself held importance to her. Two months passed since the funeral, but it still felt too soon, yet Yuuta and her elder brother were moving the furniture seeming not to understand the gravity of the matter.

Hikari on the other hand was on the floor of Hinata and Sasuke’s bedroom looking through photo albums of their childhood. She was reminiscing all the happy memories she had in the house, being in deep thought she didn’t hear her kids walking in until one of them affirmed loudly. “Wow Grandma and Grandpa look so young here”

Hikari looked over to see which photo they were referring to. It was a black and white shot of the two smiling, they were 19 at the time, Hikari knew the picture well, much like the story behind it.

“That was taken on their first date,” she said and the two kids looked up at her, waiting, expecting more, willing to hear the story. “Mom told me the story about a million times when I was a teen ‘If he doesn’t treat you like Sasuke treated me here, don’t bother he’s not worth your time Hikari’ she’d say”

Looking at the photo for a moment longer she could almost hear Hinata’s soothing voice as she was telling the story.

“The two of us met when we were small kids, our mothers were friends but we moved from Konoha after I entered elementary school. At the time the move was devastating, but as years went by, he slowly became a passing thought until finally I completely forgot about him and our friendship. Years later after, I returned to Konoha because I was assigned a kindergarten teacher post here. The first few days here were awful, I knew nobody and the other teacher was so rude and mean. I cried myself to sleep the first two weeks. I hated the apartment I stayed in as well; looking back, the apartment was lovely, but I hated being alone, I had never been alone before, and at the time being a single young girl in the city by yourself was frowned upon, and that mentality was so deeply rooted In my mind as well, I felt shame at times to come home to silence. I barely managed to get used to the job when I met Sasuke again, he was a young, handsome man; and he knew it too, if you think his ego is bad now you should have seen him back then. He came by the kindergarten to pick up his niece. He claims he remembered me and that’s why he kept approaching me, but I don’t believe that; I am telling you he fell in love at first sight.

I didn’t want to do anything with him, I was still having a tough time and a relationship would be too difficult to start at the time, but he insisted almost daily. It started out in a self-centred manner; he really believed himself to be the best catch out there, and he was, but still, it wasn’t very attractive at the time how he approached me in that way. So, after a few tries, he realized he should change how he tried to get my attention, he would bring me one flower every day when he came to pick up his niece; he apparently begged his sister-in-law to allow him to pick her up daily. Then, all of a sudden, he stopped coming, I didn’t ask about him because why would I, but his disappearance made me feel sad and disappointed; it made me realize how our small interactions actually meant so much to me and how much I basked in his attention.

A month passed and I had not seen him since, this time his memory was much stronger and harder to forget, but I was starting to lose hope of ever seeing him again. And just as I started accepting that fact, he returned with 31 flowers, one for each day he was absent, and a picture; a picture of the two of us as kids holding hands in the backyard of my old house. He looked so lovely, he was wearing a suit; it was the first time I saw him in one; he had just gotten an important job and couldn’t stop by due to the training program he needed to complete.

Before I could even get a word out, tell him I had missed him or that I was happy to see him, or how utterly surprising it was that we had met before; he started talking about fate and destiny, it was a lovely speech that painted us to be the one and only option for the other, it was very sweet. But once again he didn’t allow me to reply before asking me to wait. ‘Wait for a month’ he said ‘I will come and ask you on a proper date, one that I will be able to pay for with my first salary.’ I thought that was charming of him so I agreed.

Little did I know that a month later he’d show up once again with 31 roses and on a motorcycle. I had never dreamt of seeing one of those at the time, they were still so new and almost frightening. But I had waited for that date for such a long time so I decided to do things his way. He took me to the most expensive restaurant in the city.

The date itself is such a fun story too when he had to order he asked for the beef tartare, but he had never had it before and thought the condiments that came on the side were pre-portioned so he dumped everything in, it was so disgusting he couldn’t even take two bites out of it, so we ended up splitting my pasta. After the ‘dinner fiasco’ as Sasuke still refers to it, we continued our drive, he took me outside Konoha grounds to a small river bank where it was rumoured that you could see the most stars in the sky. That’s where we took the picture. We actually took about a dozen but we were both nervous, so either I had my eyes closed or his hands were shaking and the photo was blurred.

We leaned against the bike and looked at the sky for a while until he took my hand and held it, my heart was beating so fast I was certain he could hear it. I had never been on a date before, and the month of not seeing him made me realize my feelings, add to that a full month of waiting and expectations and I was a ball of stress, especially now that we were all alone in a secluded area. I had been fine at the restaurant, I was calm and collected while he had been the anxious one, but now the roles were reversed, he appeared to be so sure of himself and I was shaking all over. I thought the silence would be awkward, but it wasn’t, it was comfortable. I can’t even remember how long we looked at the starts and occasionally talked a bit, but I do remember the cool summer wind and his warm hand, I remember the mischievous glint in his eye, I was sure he’d kiss me, but he only looked at me and called me beautiful.

We only had our first kiss on date number six about three weeks and a half later, when I asked why he waited so long, he told me that Itachi gave him some advice, that at times waiting builds up suspense and makes the other person constantly think of you; which was true, all my thoughts would somehow lead up to him; and Sasuke said that he wanted me thinking of him as much as possible so I’d catch up to him; so, I’d like him just as much as he liked me. Poor him, not knowing I had already fallen deeply in love.

Don’t settle for less Hikari, they have to have an elaborate and intricate plan to get to you, and if it’s you doing the chasing follow your dad’s lead because I thought he was so charming.”

The story would forever be in Hikari’s mind, she would forever remember her parents as being deeply in love from their beginning until their last moments. The house was filled with memories, but so was she, she carried around all of the stories and moments of her parent’s love story throughout the years, and it was a beautiful tale.

#sasuhina #sasuhinamonth #sasuhinamonth2021 #sasuke #hinata #hinata hyuuga #susake uchiha #uchiha #hyuuga #naruto #sasuhina fanfic #fanfiction #dia story #diawrites

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gagmebucky · 4 years

Text

hiiii i wrote this awhile ago but took it down because i was 👉🏼👈🏼 embarrassed about it (because i do not have the skill to pull off peter parker) and sorta still am but everyone’s been so nice to me about it i thought the best way to repay the kindness by posting it for those who did like it 😅 (originally inspired by spider man 2 with andrew garfield but loosely set in the 2018 issue of the amazing spider-man.)

in which the guys are making fun of peter and accidentally see a video of him fucking you. (includes avenger!peter x girlfriend!you, peter’s pov, voyeur!steve and voyeur!bucky, a sex tape featuring d/s dynamics, bondage, praise kink, exhibitionism, unprotected sex.)

do not repost.

—

Despite being twenty-one years old; a proper adult who lives with his high school sweetheart, a photographer doubling as a seven-year veteran vigilante in the dangers of New York, Peter Parker is still considered as a super-powered amateur to his seasoned peers.

Nonetheless, given his success in countless battles in the state, country, world and even galaxy-wide, he more than qualifies to hold the title of Avenger; it’s official now. A laid-back induction ceremony and his very own identity card: a sturdy rectangle, shiny with full clearance and all. Yet, as an official member, his teammates still treat him like he’s that same goofy, out-of-his-depths sixteen year old.

To be fair, yes, his style of heroism isn’t the most serious. He favors levity in the face of danger, a cheeky flare with smart quips and an infuriating grin. Even after taking a beating from the worst of foes, his demeanor never wavers because in the end, he wins. The villains are slayed and the people are saved, even comforted by the boyishly confident way he works.

But beyond that persona, he has grown into a skilled warrior. On that note, he wants to be regarded as such—at least, to a certain extent. The jokes and teasing, poking fun at his age or the shenanigans he gets himself into, don’t bother him. No, his playful wit handles it with relative ease, and he’s a good sport about it. The only thing that he’d want to see change is some recognition that he isn’t a naïve kid anymore and is fully capable of taking charge when needed.

With his recent acceptance into the gifted pantheon, he’s intent on making that known. The jesting can continue but he wants it to be with an understanding of his capabilities. Luckily, a perfect opportunity has presented itself to showcase his abilities: a training session.

He’s late. And yes, he knows that’s probably not a good impression to make.

In his own defense, it isn’t technically his fault. He forgot that you, his personal alarm clock (amongst other things), left early this morning because you volunteered to help his aunt move. Four years of mornings and nights, he’s gotten used to—and prefers—your languorous wake-up call.

Without your reminder, he regains consciousness fifteen minutes after the scheduled time and ends up scrambling to the compound. In a flurry, he throws on his suit—unknowingly backwards, he realizes later—trips at least three times over his own footing before he finally springs out of the balcony with webbed bursts.

When he reaches his destination, Captain America and the Winter Soldier are unimpressed; mid-simulation, it powers down. Both super-soldiers whirl around to face him, fixing raised eyebrows at his disheveled arrival.

He adjusts his now front-facing suit and shuffles forward into the space with as much confidence as an interrupter can have. “H - hey, guys,” Peter greets sheepishly and manages what he hopes is a charming smile, absentmindedly fidgeting with his phone. “Lookin’ good for a couple of geezers.”

Unfortunately, Steve Rogers is not charmed or disillusioned from the tardiness. “You’re late, Parker.” His arms fold, and he shakes his head when punctuating his disapproval with an echoing, “Again.”

Thankfully, to his right, more relaxed and cool, Bucky Barnes steps up. “C’mon, Stevie. Y’can’t be that surprised,” he chimes in matter of factly, contrasting against his friend with amusement sparkling in his blue eyes. “What’d you expect with Parker?” He gestures at the younger superhero. “Kid’s gonna be late to his own wedding.”

(Beside the point, but worth noting, he will not be late to meeting you at the altar. That is, of course, if you accept when he pops the question. Which is going to happen relatively soon, considering he has the ring in his nightstand drawer.)

The consult seems to relax him. “Yeah, I guess you’re right and—Peter, you—seriously, man?!” Steve sputters the last bit when he glanced over to see him blatantly check the notification that’s vibrated in his hand (on the device that is ruled to be stowed away during training). “Now the phone?!”

Even though he shouldn’t, being on thin ice with Cap and all (pun not intended), Peter’s gaze flickers down to see your contact name appear on the screen, and he can’t resist. While Bucky guffaws a laugh at his audacity, he’s swiping up to pull up your text thread.

> you 😛❤️🥰, 10:37AM: spider boyyyyy you’ll never guess what i found in a box labeled ‘peter’s junk’ ;;;)

peter, 10:37AM: those magazines are NOT mine and i don’t know how they got there.

> you 😛❤️🥰, 10:38AM: not quite but close, naughty boy

> you 😛❤️🥰, 10:38AM: for a man who depends on keeping secrets and a penchant for home movies, you might ought to keep a lock on your phone unless you want someone to see me like this...

> you 😛❤️🥰, 10:38AM: (video attached)

Immediately, he recognizes the pornographic thumbnail. One glance, and he’s remembering the first couple of times you guys explored the exhibitionism side of things. It was at the end of his freshman year of college and taped on a phone he thought he had lost. But he must've forgotten it at his aunt’s house, and she tossed it in the box until you came along.

Although there’s been plenty more made, he recalls that one being a shared favorite, his especially. When long-distance duty calls, it was his go-to media. The angles, your face and body beneath the lights, the sounds it caught, you once asked if he considered switching to cinematography instead of photographer

Subconsciously, his teeth run over his bottom lip, feeling that blazing spark of desire igniting in the pit of his gut, partially at the memory and partially at what’ll happen once you guys can re-watch it together; his thumbs start typing away with that message.

“Peter!” Steve’s exasperated voice snaps, but to no avail—the real gall of the youngster, or the effect of you. His weight shifts toward his best friend, and he nudges him with his elbow. “Kids these days!” The hundred-something year old’s gaze cocks a brow back over. “Is that why you were late? Blowing off training to text your girlfriend?”

The text delivers with an audible bloop. Finally, his concentration gives, and he can look up, though his expression is clueless from the last minute. “Huh?” His brain registers what he missed, and he winces. “Sorry, Cap. My bad.”

Bucky chuckles. “Give him a break, Steve,” he faux comes to his defense, a teasing quality underlying his tone. “He’s young and in love. It’s not his fault he’s pussy-whipped.” He cracks him an antagonizing grin as Peter rolls his eyes. “He can’t go an hour without sending those little weird pictures with heart eyes, or she might not know he’s thinking about her.”

“As if you know anything about romance, old man,” he fires back and presses past them with squared shoulders, correcting him quite seriously: “And they’re called emojis, by the way. But that’s not what I was doing, if you want to know so bad.”

The brunette tilts his head thoughtfully, and small hackles arise for reasons he doesn’t understand, or pay attention to. “You know, I do want to know really badly,” Bucky decides and poses a question to his left, “Wouldn’t you, too, Steve? Aren’t you curious what his girlfriend sent that was so much more important than training?”

The blond mimics his actions and clicks his tongue. “Yeah, I am.”

Peter’s eyebrows pinch while his skin tingles and the hair on the back of his neck stands straight up. “What—” Before his senses process it, one of the super-soldiers plucks his phone out of his hands and darts back beside his best friend. His jaw drops as he tries to follow after him. “Bucky, you asshole—”

“Some spidey senses, huh?” The Winter Soldier lifts it high over his head, utilizing his six-foot stature against his five-ten like elementary school bullies do and older siblings to their juniors. “Haven’t ‘cha heard about sharing with the class?” He laughs and practically stiff-arms him to squint up at the screen. “Aw, he can’t wait to see her. What’s it been, more than two hours since you two saw each other last?”

Conceding to the height difference, Peter stops his physical efforts and diverts it to someone reasonable. “Cap, you gonna help me out here?” he addresses the entertained onlooker in the most friendly voice he can manage.

“The kid’s got separate anxiety not just from his girlfriend but phone too, Buck,” Steve drawls with a lopsided curve of his lips. He side-steps Peter to stand next to Bucky, and for a second, he thinks he’s on his side despite the tease, but he simply adds a stern, “So be careful. You don’t want to break it, or Parker will have a fit.”

Peter crosses his arms and scowls. “Ha, ha,” he retorts dryly, only somewhat amused by their banter. He tilts his head up at them, and the duo look thoroughly pleased with themselves. “You know, you guys are kind of dicks.”

“No, we’re your mentors, kid,” Steve corrects with a wink and rests his arm on his friend’s shoulder. “This is a lesson. No phones—” He jabs his thumb back in reference to the device’s unlocked screen: “—when you’re supposed to be training.”

“Yeah,” Bucky chimes in upon glancing up from his phone. “And a little advice, women don’t like clinginess. Try being a little more stern and see how that works for you. If you’re able to manage that. But I won’t hold it against ya if you can’t.”

“Uh-huh,” Peter patronizes with a bob of his head, biting back a response pointing out the hundred-something year old’s inexperience. Instead, he focuses on the electronic readily loaded up with some private content. With that, he decides to do the rational and mature thing and ask nicely. “Noted. So, uh, can I have my phone back now?”

To his shock, Bucky merely flashes a smirk and his thumb scrolls half-heartedly over the thread. Thereafter, he leans toward Steve and raises his cell for him to see. “Oh, look, it’s a video,” he teases. “What could Y/N send that would take priority of training?”

There’s an unspoken let’s see then a metal finger taps the play button. Before Peter can think, much less react, Captain American and the Winter Soldier are watching how he effortlessly renders his pretty little girlfriend into a cute nonsensical yet eager mess—

In his point-of-view shot, the ratio holds in portrait view in a bid to capture every bit of you. Above you, the camera focuses on you and your beautifully debauched state beneath warm lighting where it’s unalienable that the camera was made for you.

Your eyes are dilated brightly, desperate with desire as your lashes flutter up at him. A sheen coats your features and glistens like glitter at the highest points of your face while the shape of your face is framed by your stretched arms.

Your wrists are bound over your head, splotched with expertly sprayed strong, white webs. The mesh sticks them together in a criss-cross, comfortable but nearly impossible to break out of, fixed in place atop his headboard. The tautness tugs a mild strain on your figure so your breasts are jutting out like an offering, and it’s obvious he’s taken advantage of it. Darkened marks adorn your glowing complexion, peppered across your décolletage with imprints of his teeth; including your nipples, sucked swollen and tender.

The angle trails down until it reveals the sight of him mercilessly pounding inside of you. His better-than-average girth is sliding in and out of your tight channel; slicked in shared translucent essence, creaming around the base, your inner walls visibly clinging to his cock with every backward stroke. His hand splays on your mound, using his thumb to abuse your engorged clit. He easily keeps the sensitive nub pinned under his control despite your wildly twisting hips.

Like the display, the soundtrack is equally obscene. Loud, your stuffed depths gush and squelch as skin slaps rhythmically. Your breathy, wanton moans overshadow both, drawn out whimpers, almost nonsensical other than the syllable of his name. A melody of neediness, you sound so fucking pretty, (depraved, like a whore, you once told him during your little film marathon with a sly smile), and for him specifically.

The frame pans upward and confirms you look just as good. A perfect mess, unhinged by the skilled ministrations of your boyfriend. Passion beads on your forehead like reflections off of a diamond. Panting, your lips are plumped from kissing parted with mewls of pleasure.

“P - please—I need to—can I - I please—” You’re begging like the sweet little thing you are, incoherent babbling the result of his excessive edging. Of course, you know better than to give into the sensations ravaging you; instead you ignore your visceral desire and ask him for your release. “Peter, please!”

A deep chuckle vibrates behind the camera as his big hand slides into view, trailing over your jiggling tits to the slope of your throat. “Maybe,” he says breathily and grasps the line of your jaw between his fingers. “Open your mouth first, babe.”

No more preamble necessary, you follow his direction, your pink tongue flat over your Cupid’s bow. Immediately, a long string of his saliva drips into view and onto your taste buds; the vulgar act is accepted with a swallow and a quivering moan of, “T - thank you.”

“Good girl,” he praises huskily, and the voiced approval has you visibly shivering. “Alright, then, pretty girl. Make it good for me, and c’mon—”

Before your otherworldly reckoning washes over you and his teammates can watch your bliss immortalized in film, Peter snatches his property back.

Not much force is necessary as Bucky’s grip has been stunned loose. A dark expression permeates on young hero’s face but not because of embarrassment; if he was still nineteen or eighteen, he would’ve been mortified that his titular superiors caught a depraved glimpse of his sex life, on both his and your behalf. Rather than, there’s just a flit of annoyance when he folds his arms.

“Shit,” Bucky is the first to speak, exhaling the swear raggedly. His blue pupils have widened in obvious attraction, dilated dark, blinking rapidly as if it’ll help calm him down from the clip of you, his innocent seeming girlfriend, all ruined and begging. “Parker, fuck, I - I didn’t know you got down like that.”

There’s a swell in his chest, pride beating steadily while he remains reticent-faced. He prefers you keep your bedroom activities secluded there. Yeah, he likes to be in control and you like to be controlled but it’s only in a sexual nature. Yet, their reactions—stunned, embarrassed and viscerally affected—surges smug satisfaction he’s never known before through his veins.

Even the prestigious Captain America is bothered, though he may try to hide it. He clears his throat, a flustered pink coloring his cheeks. “Peter, uh,” he says, barely maintaining the confidence to look him in the eye after witnessing his girlfriend like that. “We - we shouldn’t have invaded your privacy like that.”

“Uh-huh,” is Peter’s response, a hint of a smirk curling on one side of his lips. “Why don’t you guys call me after you’re finished with your cold showers, and we can actually train. Until then, I’m gonna go to my girl who’s more than eager to handle mine.” He pauses. “Maybe if you guys ask nice enough, I might let her show you how well I’ve trained her.”

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #marvel smut imagines #spiderman x reader smut #marvel smut #heh I am going to pass out #I..#goodnight im off me ass sjdjjsxj

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mostlysignssomeportents · 3 years

Text

20 years a blogger

It's been twenty years, to the day, since I published my first blog-post.

I'm a blogger.

Blogging - publicly breaking down the things that seem significant, then synthesizing them in longer pieces - is the defining activity of my days.

https://boingboing.net/2001/01/13/hey-mark-made-me-a.html

Over the years, I've been lauded, threatened, sued (more than once). I've met many people who read my work and have made connections with many more whose work I wrote about. Combing through my old posts every morning is a journey through my intellectual development.

It's been almost exactly a year I left Boing Boing, after 19 years. It wasn't planned, and it wasn't fun, but it was definitely time. I still own a chunk of the business and wish them well. But after 19 years, it was time for a change.

A few weeks after I quit Boing Boing, I started a solo project. It's called Pluralistic: it's a blog that is published simultaneously on Twitter, Mastodon, Tumblr, a newsletter and the web. It's got no tracking or ads. Here's the very first edition:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/02/19/pluralist-19-feb-2020/

I don't often do "process posts" but this merits it. Here's how I built Pluralistic and here's how it works today, after nearly a year.

I get up at 5AM and make coffee. Then I sit down on the sofa and open a huge tab-group, and scroll through my RSS feeds using Newsblur.

I spend the next 1-2 hours winnowing through all the stuff that seems important. I have a chronic pain problem and I really shouldn't sit on the sofa for more than 10 minutes, so I use a timer and get up every 10 minutes and do one minute of physio.

After a couple hours, I'm left with 3-4 tabs that I want to write articles about that day. When I started writing Pluralistic, I had a text file on my desktop with some blank HTML I'd tinkered with to generate a layout; now I have an XML file (more on that later).

First I go through these tabs and think up metadata tags I want to use for each; I type these into the template using my text-editor (gedit), like this:

<xtags>

process, blogging, pluralistic, recursion, navel-gazing

</xtags>

Each post has its own little template. It needs an anchor tag (for this post, that's "hfbd"), a title ("20 years a blogger") and a slug ("Reflections on a lifetime of reflecting"). I fill these in for each post.

Then I come up with a graphic for each post: I've got a giant folder of public domain clip-art, and I'm good at using all the search tools for open-licensed art: the Library of Congress, Wikimedia, Creative Commons, Flickr Commons, and, ofc, Google Image Search.

I am neither an artist nor a shooper, but I've been editing clip art since I created pixel-art versions of the Frankie Goes to Hollywood glyphs using Bannermaker for the Apple //c in 1985 and printed them out on enough fan-fold paper to form a border around my bedroom.

As I create the graphics, I pre-compose Creative Commons attribution strings to go in the post; there's two versions, one for the blog/newsletter and one for Mastodon/Twitter/Tumblr. I compose these manually.

Here's a recent one:

Blog/Newsletter:

(<i>Image: <a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:QAnon_in_red_shirt_(48555421111).jpg">Marc Nozell</a>, <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en">CC BY</a>, modified</i>)

Twitter/Masto/Tumblr:

Image: Marc Nozell (modified)

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:QAnon_in_red_shirt_(48555421111).jpg

CC BY

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en

This is purely manual work, but I've been composing these CC attribution strings since CC launched in 2003, and they're just muscle-memory now. Reflex.

These attribution strings, as well as anything else I'll need to go from Twitter to the web (for example, the names of people whose Twitter handles I use in posts, or images I drop in, go into the text file). Here's how the post looks at this point in the composition.

<hr>

<h1>20 years a blogger</h1><xtagline>Reflections on a lifetime of reflecting.</xtagline>

See that <img> tag in there for frnklogo.jpg? I snuck that in while I was composing this in Twitter. When I locate an image on the web I want to use in a post, I save it to a dir on my desktop that syncs every 60 seconds to the /images/ dir on my webserver.

As I save it, I copy the filename to my clipboard, flip over to gedit, and type in the <img> tag, pasting the filename. I've typed <img src="https://craphound.com/images/ CTRL-V"> tens of thousands of times - muscle memory.

Once the thread is complete, I copy each tweet back into gedit, tabbing back and forth, replacing Twitter handles and hashtags with non-Twitter versions, changing the ALL CAPS EMPHASIS to the extra-character-consuming *asterisk-bracketed emphasis*.

My composition is greatly aided both 20 years' worth of mnemonic slurry of semi-remembered posts and the ability to search memex.craphound.com (the site where I've mirrored all my Boing Boing posts) easily.

A huge, searchable database of decades of thoughts really simplifies the process of synthesis.

Next I port the posts to other media. I copy the headline and paste it into a new Tumblr compose tab, then import the image and tag the post "pluralistic."

Then I paste the text of the post into Tumblr and manually select, cut, and re-paste every URL in the post (because Tumblr's automatic URL-to-clickable-link tool's been broken for 10+ months).

Next I past the whole post into a Mastodon compose field. Working by trial and error, I cut it down to <500 characters, breaking at a para-break and putting the rest on my clipboard. I post, reply, and add the next item in the thread until it's all done.

*Then* I hit publish on my Twitter thread. Composing in Twitter is the most unforgiving medium I've ever worked in. You have to keep each stanza below 280 chars. You can't save a thread as a draft, so as you edit it, you have to pray your browser doesn't crash.

And once you hit publish, you can't edit it. Forever. So you want to publish Twitter threads LAST, because the process of mirroring them to Tumblr and Mastodon reveals typos and mistakes (but there's no way to save the thread while you work!).

Now I create a draft Wordpress post on pluralistic.net, and create a custom slug for the page (today's is "two-decades"). Saving the draft generates the URL for the page, which I add to the XML file.

Once all the day's posts are done, I make sure to credit all my sources in another part of that master XML file, and then I flip to the command line and run a bunch of python scripts that do MAGIC: formatting the master file as a newsletter, a blog post, and a master thread.

Those python scripts saved my ASS. For the first two months of Pluralistic, i did all the reformatting by hand. It was a lot of search-replace (I used a checklist) and I ALWAYS screwed it up and had to debug, sometimes taking hours.

Then, out of the blue, a reader - Loren Kohnfelder - wrote to me to point out bugs in the site's RSS. He offered to help with text automation and we embarked on a month of intensive back-and-forth as he wrote a custom suite for me.

Those programs take my XML file and spit out all the files I need to publish my site, newsletter and master thread (which I pin to my profile). They've saved me more time than I can say. I probably couldn't kept this up without Loren's generous help (thank you, Loren!).

I open up the output from the scripts in gedit. I paste the blog post into the Wordpress draft and copy-paste the metadata tags into WP's "tags" field. I preview the post, tweak as necessary, and publish.

(And now I write this, I realize I forgot to mention that while I'm doing the graphics, I also create a square header image that makes a grid-collage out of the day's post images, using the Gimp's "alignment" tool)

(because I'm composing this in Twitter, it would be a LOT of work to insert that information further up in the post, where it would make sense to have it - see what I mean about an unforgiving medium?)

(While I'm on the subject: putting the "add tweet to thread" and "publish the whole thread" buttons next to each other is a cruel joke that has caused me to repeatedly publish before I was done, and deleting a thread after you publish it is a nightmare)

Now I paste the newsletter file into a new mail message, address it to my Mailman server, and create a custom subject for the day, send it, open the Mailman admin interface in a browser, and approve the message.

Now it's time to create that anthology post you can see pinned to my Mastodon and Twitter accounts. Loren's script uses a template to produce all the tweets for the day, but it's not easy to get that pre-written thread into Twitter and Mastodon.

Part of the problem is that each day's Twitter master thread has a tweet with a link to the day's Mastodon master thread ("Are you trying to wean yourself off Big Tech? Follow these threads on the #fediverse at @[email protected]. Here's today's edition: LINK").

So the first order of business is to create the Mastodon thread, pin it, copy the link to it, and paste it into the template for the Twitter thread, then create and pin the Twitter thread.

Now it's time to get ready for tomorrow. I open up the master XML template file and overwrite my daily working file with its contents. I edit the file's header with tomorrow's date, trim away any "Upcoming appearances" that have gone by, etc.

Then I compose tomorrow's retrospective links. I open tabs for this day a year ago, 5 years ago, 10 years ago, 15 years ago, and (now) 20 years ago:

http://memex.craphound.com/2020/01/14

http://memex.craphound.com/2016/01/14

http://memex.craphound.com/2011/01/14

http://memex.craphound.com/2006/01/14

http://memex.craphound.com/2001/01/14

I go through each day, and open anything I want to republish in its own tab, then open the OP link in the next tab (finding it in the @internetarchive if necessary). Then I copy my original headline and the link to the article into tomorrow's XML file, like so:

#10yrsago Disney World’s awful Tiki Room catches fire <a href="https://thedisneyblog.com/2011/01/12/fire-reported-at-magic-kingdom-tiki-room/">https://thedisneyblog.com/2011/01/12/fire-reported-at-magic-kingdom-tiki-room/</a>

And NOW my day is done.

So, why do I do all this?

First and foremost, I do it for ME. The memex I've created by thinking about and then describing every interesting thing I've encountered is hugely important for how I understand the world. It's the raw material of every novel, article, story and speech I write.

And I do it for the causes I believe in. There's stuff in this world I want to change for the better. Explaining what I think is wrong, and how it can be improved, is the best way I know for nudging it in a direction I want to see it move.

The more people I reach, the more it moves.

When I left Boing Boing, I lost access to a freestanding way of communicating. Though I had popular Twitter and Tumblr accounts, they are at the mercy of giant companies with itchy banhammers and arbitrary moderation policies.

I'd long been a fan of the POSSE - Post Own Site, Share Everywhere - ethic, the idea that your work lives on platforms you control, but that it travels to meet your readers wherever they are.

Pluralistic posts start out as Twitter threads because that's the most constrained medium I work in, but their permalinks (each with multiple hidden messages in their slugs) are anchored to a server I control.

When my threads get popular, I make a point of appending the pluralistic.net permalink to them.

When I started blogging, 20 years ago, blogger.com had few amenities. None of the familiar utilities of today's media came with the package.

Back then, I'd manually create my headlines with <h2> tags. I'd manually create discussion links for each post on Quicktopic. I'd manually paste each post into a Yahoo Groups email. All the guff I do today to publish Pluralistic is, in some way, nothing new.

20 years in, blogging is still a curious mix of both technical, literary and graphic bodgery, with each day's work demanding the kind of technical minutuae we were told would disappear with WYSIWYG desktop publishing.

I grew up in the back-rooms of print shops where my dad and his friends published radical newspapers, laying out editions with a razor-blade and rubber cement on a light table. Today, I spend hours slicing up ASCII with a cursor.

I go through my old posts every day. I know that much - most? - of them are not for the ages. But some of them are good. Some, I think, are great. They define who I am. They're my outboard brain.

#pluralistic

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tundrainafrica · 3 years

Text

Title: A Tale of Two Slaves (3/17)

Summary: “Soulmates don’t exist. Fate doesn’t exist. Everything is a choice.” At that moment, Levi could only watch as she made the choice for him.“

Reincarnation AU. Levi remembers everything from their past life. Hange doesn’t.

Note: This has been sitting on my computer untouched for a while, along with the timeline I prepared for a multichapter fic. Will probs go back to it soon. Feedback is very much appreciated.

Other Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14

Link to cross-postings: AO3

The forms were so painfully boring, Levi almost regretted agreeing to meet Moblit. One of the few things, if not the only thing, stopping him from backing out of the study then and there, was the hope it could give him an excuse to see her again. He planned to ease himself into the process of meeting her, not wanting to make a complete fool or a complete stalker of himself.

There was the option to ask for her number. The option to ask for her schedule. Or he could maybe just scan through enough pages on google to find some hint as to what the hell she does, where she goes and where he could possibly “accidentally” meet her. The last option had proved ineffective, Levi spent a good few hours a day doing just that. Just in case maybe, the links he found through google do change.

The sheer embarrassment and conflicted feelings that came with having delusion drive his actions, had Levi worse off than before. Although the nightmares that left him in pain in the mornings had become few and far between, he could not help but think that possibly the reason why was because he barely got any sleep anymore, kept awake by his brain trying to process that relationship he had with Hange and the story that was made known to him.

His five hours a night had dwindled into three when classes started. His brain having no time to process the dreams during classes and training, Levi found himself taking up more time lying awake in bed, building the world his dreams were telling him about and how Hange fit into all of it.

The lack of sleep caught up to him particularly when he was sifting through the pages of waivers and information sheets in the coffee shop near campus at nine in the morning. The words started to blur into blobs and Levi became aware of how much he hated Calibri as a font, a small issue in the grand scheme of things. Lacking sleep and utterly frustrated at his lack of progress though, Levi was finding many reasons not to read them.

He eventually gave up, instead checking box after box after box. “When do you need this?” Levi asked Moblit who sat in front of him.

“As soon as possible… But I really recommend you read ---”

“Well, how much time are you gonna give me to read?”

“I don’t have any classes today so I’m pretty much free the whole day.”

“Same.” He felt the venom in his tone particularly resonate and a part of him regretted it as he said it. That day was particularly special. He had no class. With their coach out on a meeting with other schools to discuss the tournaments and line ups this year, he had given the players a day off. Levi pretty much had that whole day to himself yet, he still went to the trouble of dressing up just to meet Moblit only to find out he’d be going through pages worth of documents while half awake. “I’ll just get a cup of coffee.”

Levi was already halfway out of seat when Moblit took out his wallet.

“Let me pay for it.” Moblit handed Levi a few bills. He had an apologetic look on his face as if he did understand the inconvenience the study would cause anyone. The look Moblit gave him suddenly made Levi self conscious about the tone he had been answering Moblit with since a while ago.

Levi took the money with a small nod of thanks. It was free coffee after all and he did not have much leeway given his monthly allowance.

When Levi got back to their table black coffee in one hand, he could see that Moblit had reorganized the papers, the uncompleted page sitting neatly on top. He had also opened the sandwich he had bought half an hour ago and was eating it already

“Before I forget, did you bring Hange’s keychain?” Moblit asked in between bites.

“Ah, I forgot about that.” Levi kept his tone emotionless for fear of having his guilt take over him. In fact, he never did forget about the keychain. It sat on the side table next to his bed, a glimmer of hope that that morning in the track wouldn't be the last time he saw her.

“Maybe I could come back to your dorm with you and get it after this?”

“Oh yeah, I forgot. I’m not going straight to the dorm. I have plans after this.” A blatant lie. Levi rarely forgot plans.

“Really?”

Levi made a show of going through his phone as he sat down. “Sorry, I didn’t check my calendar this morning. It looks like I have to work on my own stuff for my thesis with my groupmates.” Seniors did not have as many classes as lowerclassmen so the excuse for classes probably would not have worked. As Levi also was aware, the weight of the responsibility lost by only having two classes a week was replaced with the weight of the expectation of creating their own research to add to the body of knowledge in their major.

“How long is your meeting? Maybe I could stop by...” Moblit looked unsure about his own suggestion as if he too understood too the importance of thesis for any senior.

“I dunno. It’s our first meeting and it’s pretty important since we still don’t have much planned.” At that moment, Levi thanked the heavens for his course. He was taking an interdisciplinary track so people had the option to do their thesis by group or individually. His choice of his classes had made it so that he had to do his thesis individually. Moblit did not need to know that much though.

The magic word “thesis” eventually did work in the conversation between the two seniors and finally, Moblit had dropped his shoulders in defeat. “Sorry if I’m being a little pushy. I guess that keychain is just pretty important to me too. I was the one who gave it to her.”

Levi studied the face of Moblit as they talked. Molit did not have the most memorable face so Levi had not figured it out at first glance. As he allowed himself a few seconds to focus on his features and match it to those in his dream, he realized that Moblit was the same soldier who was constantly following Hange in his dreams. “You two must be close,” Levi said. Hange and I were close too.

"We're childhood friends.”

Levi found himself envying Moblit’s place in Hange’s life. Not wanting to engage that thought though, he instead decided to digress into something more positive for him. “So you'd know why she seemed pretty enthusiastic about her thesis.”

“She’s just passionate and gets a little too excited at times.” Moblit gave an embarrassed smile from what could have been second hand embarrassment. “I really hope you didn’t end up hating her. She really wanted to get to know you.”

“Oh really?” Then why doesn’t she. Levi added to himself.

“She’s been studying athletes since we were in high school. One of our friends was actually the subject of our final thesis for high school and Hange won best research with her. She wanted to move on to studying more high level athletes and she was talking non stop about the possibility of working with an athlete here. Then when we were scouting around for athletes to possibly study, she started showing me a lot of videos of you. She could talk non stop about your form, the height you achieved, your body control. I guess that was until you guys ended up meeting...” Moblit looked like he was aware of the weight of that statement and had tried to lighten the mood with a light laugh.

Levi rearranged that last sentence in his head. Until she met me.

Moblit had trailed off from there and Levi wondered how what kind of face he was making for Moblit to realize he had felt guilty about it.

Moblit gave Levi a consoling look. “She seems to be progressing well with Elijah though.”

For a second, Levi could not fathom how Moblit got the idea that that sentence could console him. In fact, just knowing that Hange had gotten over him so fast, had his chest knotting up.

On the outside though, he made sure to raise his eyebrows and nod, to look at least a little surprised and interested. “How’s her research so far?”

Moblit shook his head in amazement. “She's working at a much faster pace than I am. After what happened with you, it’s pretty admirable she bounced back so fast.”

“I don’t hate her. I could work with her if she really wants to.”

“God, this makes me think I should have started earlier." Moblit rested his forehead on his palm. "Your suggestion might be hard... Last time I checked, she was neck deep in her research with Elijah already.”

Even as a senior, there were places on campus Levi had never visited. All of his classes were clustered in one small area of the campus. The track he would rush to train in would be just a five minute walk away, his dorm a fifteen minute walk or a five minute bike.

He never had any reason to visit the other side which housed the science students and the laboratories. Possibly, one of the reasons why he had never met Hange until that day in the track.

It was a ten minute walk from his dormitory, in a completely different direction from his buildings and the track. He decided to abandon his bike for the more flexible option of walking. He did not know if they had have any place to park a bike nor how long he would be there. More importantly, he wanted the freedom of slowing his pace without considering the traffic as he took in the unfamiliar scenery.

Third floor. Fritz Hall.

In fact, he did not need the directions to the biology department. He could have easily asked anyone among the students there. The more important information was the room number and the laboratory name.

He clutched the keychain in his pocket and took the stairs two at a time arriving into a narrow corridor that stretched into both directions.

Thesis labs. Or that was how Mobilit described them. Each biology professor managed a laboratory for students. There were those who focused on internal medicine, those who focused on epidemiology. In each of those rooms was an office and a lab for senior students doing research under the guidance of a professor of a similar specialty.

If he wanted to find Hange, the office was their best chance. Room 301. It would be at one of the ends of the corridors. He only had to figure out the order of the numbers and from there, walk towards the end of the hall. He gripped the handle of the door and pushed it down, only pushing slightly at the door to open a crack wide enough to peek in.

“May I help you?”

“You’re Erwin Smith…” Just like with Hange, Levi had quickly picked up the name as he saw him.

“Yes I am. Nice to meet you.” Erwin did not look surprised to see that someone had named him by face. That was enough of a hint for Levi to realize that that man was probably their professor on top of how he dressed and how he carried himself.

“I’m looking for Hange Zoe.” Levi decided at that moment not to lie. He was sure he could find a reason to justify wanting to give it directly to Hange. He did not want to consider it at that moment. He just wanted to see her.

“She has class now but you can wait for her inside the lab." He gave Levi a onceover. You must be Elijah then.”

Levi gave a subtle nod, hoping Erwin would at least not take that as a full yes later on. At that point in time, he just wanted to minimize the questions he might need to answer. HIs heart was beating hard and his mind was racing. He had gone behind Moblit’s back, taking note of the schedule shared to him and picking a time where Moblit would not be in the office. Pretense and lies were nothing new to Levi but the presence of Erwin in the room particularly made Levi feel dirty for going through all that just to meet one person. With Erwin in front of him, for the first time he felt guilty lying.

"It's obvious from your build that you've been jumping and running your whole life. I hope you could give Hange some good data. All she’s been talking about was this study since I agreed to take her in."

“What’s her research about?” Was she enjoying working with Elijah so far? Was she happy? There were too many things Levi had wanted to ask but he found himself treading along the narrow path of things only Elijah would have known.

Erwin looked at him questioningly. “She wants to do a case study. I expected she’d at least tell you that much.” He shook his head and smiled. “She always had trouble explaining science jargon to the average person.”

Levi wanted to kick himself. Erwin at least answered his own question on any suspicion he might have about Levi (or Elijah.)

“Elijah, do me a favor and ask her yourself. I’d rather Hange also learned how to communicate science to the average person.” Erwin tapped Levi on the shoulder. “Make yourself at home. NIfa’s in the laboratory right now so she can keep you company. You can also use the computer while waiting.”

Levi only noticed the book bag Erwin was holding to his side as he looked back at him. He could not help but feel a bout of disappointment as he saw the professor walk away. It felt like there was still a lot to learn from him.

Levi entered the laboratory to find a woman with auburn hair hunched over a microscope. “Where’s Erwin going?” He asked.

“Erwin?” Nifa looked up from her “Doctor Smith you mean?”

Nifa. That’s her name. Oddly, Levi did not need to ask for her name either.

Nifa only confirmed it a second later after chastising him for calling Erwin his first name. ‘Doctor Smith did not roll out of Levi’s tongue as well as Erwin. The most Levi could hope for was he never faced a situation where he had to call him by name again. A long shot if he ended up working with Hange or Moblit. At the same time, a worry he did not want to occupy himself with again.

“Hange’s class ends at two so you’re gonna have to wait an extra thirty minutes. You can use the computer over there to pass the time.”

Levi looked down at his phone to see only one bar on the upper right.

“Yeah, problems about being stationed at the corner of the building. No signal. And the wifi is only strong enough for a laptop.” Nifa gestured at her own laptop next to the microscope.

Levi walked towards the computer. It was an older model but it looked well loved. He only had to click on his mouse for the screen to boot up to the home screen with some desktop background which looked like some campaign for underprivileged kids and untapped potentials.

He clicked on the google chrome icon. The option to restore pages from a previous session popped up. He had considered completely ignoring it but he considered it might be someone’s precious browsing history and instead decided to leave it on and to just open an incognito instead for his own personal browsing

He was ready to open one up when he saw the tabs that had opened up in front of him.

Ackerman bags gold, Miller silver in the Collegiate Cup.

Levi looked to the profile on the right to see that it was Hange’s Google profile logged into the account. She was researching him?

That small glimmer of what could have been happiness dissipated as soon as Levi figured out the pattern of the articles.

It wasn’t about him.

High Jump Superstar Miller breaks record in high school meet.

Miller commits to Paradis University.

College sophomore Miller bags gold in Horizontal Jump Event.

It was torture looking through the multiple tabs that reopened. As painful as it was, he still wanted to confirm if Hange really was ‘neck deep’ in her research. The bookmarked pages, he also decided to take a peek at had confirmed his fear. There were fifty if not a hundred tabs with article titles mentioning that one athlete.

Levi found himself closing the tabs as he went through them, a small rebellion to the reality in front of him. Hange probably bookmarked them if she needed them anyway. He stopped as he came across a Youtube video towards the end of the string of tabs.

WATCH: College Junior Ackerman beats both personal and national record for the High Jump Category.

Rookie Ackerman bags gold in the Regional Cup with record breaking height.

Levi recognized those tournaments. Those were his best jumps, one of them the most recent one he had performed, only earlier that year.

Watching the videos with the commentary felt surreal. In the interviews, he was the one answering the questions but somehow, Levi felt like he was still learning something new from the version of himself of the screen. He never did pay too much attention during interviews, only asking the questions when asked in the manner Coach Greg had directed him too.

Not wanting to confuse himself any longer with what seemed like another out of body experience, he focused again on Hange’s Gmail account which was logged into Youtube. Just to make sure his conclusion had been real. She was still watching his videos.

She had committed to working with Elijah. Why?

“Miller was slated to be the new superstar in Paradis University with a vertical jump of 8 centimeters and a promising record height differential of 40 centimeters.”

Levi jumped as he heard someone talk behind him. How long has she been there? It was her voice. Yet at the same time, it was too uncharacteristically serious he did not want to believe it was her. As Levi slowly looked behind me, she only continued to talk.

“But then four years ago, Coach Gregory Rivers scouts a new kid from a small town five hours away from the city. The kid had potential. Enough potential to maybe play backup to Elijah Miller. Levi Ackerman with a vertical leap of 76 centimeters and a record height differential of 37 centimeters.”

“Elijah Miller had a higher overall record. Mike Zacharias and Nanaba Briete too." Mike Zacharias and Nanaba Briete . Those were the two athletes who had cooperated with Hange's study back in high school. Levi had made sure to read her old research, in case he would have to use them to convince her to reconsider him.

“Your numbers in high school weren’t groundbreaking. Unless we consider that you’re 157 centimeters tall." The wonder was back in her voice, completely replacing what he realized was the scientist in her talking. "You did not have the height but you had remarkable control, the core strength, the leg power and the flexibility to fly over the bar even when you’re so close to it. That was what Gregory Rivers saw in you when he scouted you for Paradis University. What he didn't expect was for you to outshine Miller or even the seniors."

Hange came up behind him and grabbed the mouse. As Levi watched her go through the bookmarks, he realized if he had scrolled further, he would have seen more bookmarks.

Rookie Ackerman bags gold in the Regional Cup.

Super rookie carries Paradis to nationals.

She clicked one of the bookmarks and played the the video that came up. Levi could only watch silently as the Levi on the screen ran towards the bar, and propelled himself through the air. His vertical was definitely much higher than 37 centimeters at that point. In college though, no one in his team was counting anymore. The importance was he got through every jump without ever touching the bar.

"I wanna know Levi. From a nobody from a no name school, how did your height differential increase twofold. More importantly, how is it that you've not failed a single jump since you entered university? It's amazing. The amount of balance, core strength and body control to keep your body flexible enough not to hit the bar. The amount of leg strength needed to jump that high. You really must be superhuman.”

“I’m not.” Regretfully, Levi’s denial was enough for Hange to snap out of her state of what seemed like euphoria.

Hange put her hand to her mouth. "Sorry, I talked too much." With that, she resisted the closeness and was once again a meter away just standing awkwardly behind him. "I guess I should go back to work. Did Moblit tell you what time he'll be coming?"

"Moblit's not coming today."

"Oh... Can I help you with something?" Once again, Hange was watching her words and her movements with him. That was not the Hange from his dreams. The Hange that had introduced herself the first time they had met on the track. It pained Levi to see her like that and he wanted to make it right.

Levi had prepared himself for possible interactions when he read through Hange's old works. At that moment, Levi took control of his feelings. " I came here because I wanted to ask if you'd be willing to consider." He kept his words as careful as Hange's were with him. "I read your case study on Nanaba Briete and Mike Zacharius. And I thought I could probably provide you with similar data, maybe better data. Let me jump for you."

"Levi…"

"No. I wanna jump for you." Levi did not know what Hange had planned to say. At that point, he did not want to give her any doubts to build on.

This time I'm not going to lose you. A voice inside him said. It disappeared soon after and Levi wondered when he had he lost her.

#levihan #levi ackerman #hange zoe #levi x hange #levi x hanji #fanfic

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and-then-the-trash · 4 years

Text

Disorders and Relationships

I am not a very good girlfriend. My s/o might try to say that I’m sweet and cute and understanding and make an effort and all of that (these are in fact things that they have told me before, not things that I think justify my other behaviors), but the fact is that I am not an easy person to love. What I’m about to talk about doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships, by the way, I’m just using examples and talking in the context of my romantic relationship because that’s what is on my mind at the moment.

Here are 2 things about me that are probably important for context here:

I have been in my current romantic relationship for about 15 months now

My s/o and I both have various mental disorders and my own diagnoses include anxiety, depression, and ADHD. Most of the things I’m going to be talking about have to do mostly with my ADHD.

As previously stated, I’m not exactly an easy person to be in a relationship with. I tend to lose track of time and can be very forgetful, and I sometimes forget to actually say things out loud. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said the phrase “I don’t say this enough but I promise I think it/it’s true” to my s/o, because it’s something I do a lot. I forget to actually tell them how I feel about them, what I think about them, what I love about them, what I appreciate about them, etc. A lot of this is because of how ADHD affects my working memory. Basically, for me, a lot of things are sort of “out of sight, out of mind”, and that includes people. It isn’t because I don’t care about people, it’s just that my brain works in a way that I don’t remember that people

Exist

Might want to talk to me/hear from me

Might need me to actually tell them that I do in fact love them and care about them and this is why

Because of this, I will forget to text even my closest friends for days, weeks, even months sometimes if they don’t text me first. My s/o and I used to try to combat this by saying that we would always call each other on Wednesdays. We could of course talk other times if we were free and felt like it, but Wednesday was designated Call Ray Day. Unfortunately, we got out of the habit. Something that especially didn’t help was that my sense of time is Wack. Basically, my sense of time is similar to my working memory: something is either Now or Not now. I am often uncertain as to what day it is, how much time has passed, how long it takes to do things, how long I have to do a thing, etc.

The fact that I have almost no sense of time also contributes to why it is that I forget to text and call people; I simply don’t realize how much time has passed. I have no clue if my s/o came over to meet my cats last weekend or two weeks ago or a month ago. Something could have happened yesterday and I’ll think it happened 2 weeks ago, and it can go the other way around as well. I also just forget a lot of things. I once got onto some Zoom call, probably recently but I have no clue, and when asked how my day was, I answered that I wasn’t sure because I couldn’t actually remember most of it. I said “I think led virtual Shabbos services this morning?” (I guess this must have been a Saturday) and was met with a confused response of, “You aren’t sure?” and the truth was that I wasn’t. I could not be 100% sure about whether that had happened earlier that day, or a week ago, or if it actually wasn’t Saturday anymore but was actually Tuesday and that event had happened 3 days ago. So yeah, I forget things a lot and often need someone else to be the first person to reach out or I might not talk to someone for months and I’ll think it’s only been a few days, maybe a week.

I get very preoccupied and distracted. This almost seems like it should be obvious because, duh, 2 of the letters in ADHD stand for “Attention Deficit”. The attention just isn’t really there sometimes. That’s not quite how it works though. I hyperfocus on things for both short and long periods of time. Hyperfocusing basically means that when I focus on something, I’m all in. I don’t notice what’s going on around me, I don’t notice time passing, I don’t notice my body telling me to eat and drink. When I’m hyperfocusing, I don’t remember to check my messages and respond to people, and this includes important people like my s/o. I can also sometimes get preoccupied or distracted while we’re talking to each other. I’ll be talking about something and get off track and end up rambling about something unrelated for 10 minutes until my s/o reminds me that I’ve lost the original point. I also have to ask people to repeat themselves when talking, partly because I space out a lot, and partly because my brain will latch onto any small noise and say “Hey there’s a thing!” and suddenly I’ve missed half of what someone just said to me.

There are probably so many other things I could add about ways that ADHD as well as my other disorders affect my life and my relationships. Things like how depression sometimes renders me unable to convince myself to get out of bed for hours, making me late to things because I didn’t leave my self enough time to get ready (lack of a sense of time also doesn’t help with this). Things like how my anxiety makes me struggle to be open with my s/o about my experiences and trauma and the things that make me who I am and probably explain some of my other weird quirks. I could probably make a whole separate post about how I accidentally suppressed most of my emotions for years on end and now I struggle to identify and express emotions because I sort of forgot how to let myself feel emotions. Things like that have made it so I respond to a lot of things with logic and reasoning, which isn’t always what someone needs. I’m not good at remembering that not all people approach things the way I do, so I need to remember to ask someone how they want me to approach whatever is going on, and if they are looking for me to say something specific. Basically, I can be a mess.

I don’t often sit down and think about all the ways my disorders affect me and my behaviors and actions. I never really had a conversation with my s/o where I explained to them that I am ADHD and these are things that will happen because of that. I don’t realize when I do a lot of these things, and for a while, I hadn’t taken the time to think about how my disorders could affect others. Despite probably not knowing what they were getting into, my s/o has been so unbelievably understanding and encouraging and helpful every time I realize I’ve made a mistake or forgotten to call or text or tell them something. They have reassured me every time I tell them “I am neurodivergent and it probably is the main reason for this thing I do and I’m sorry”. Their level of understanding when it sometimes feels to me like I’m just blaming things on my ADHD is one of the things I love most about them. They get that I’m not trying to blame every mistake on my disorders. They understand that I don’t even understand/realize all the ways I’m affected and I won’t even realize these weird quirks and things about me until after the fact. Part of why they understand so well is because they are also neurodivergent, and while we don't have the same disorders and are often affected in very different ways by our various disorders, they can understand better than most people that having a mental disorder can and will affect every aspect of your life, even if you don’t realize it at first.

I’ve come to realize that having any kind of disorder, be it mental, physical, mild, severe, etc., can and likely will affect your relationships (all types, not just romantic). This is not your fault. It’s just how you work, and people need to respect that. I wrote this post after a conversation with my s/o in which I had rambled on about what makes them a good s/o in my mind because it was brought to my attention that I had once again forgotten to tell them these things. I then tried to once again explain that if anything, I’m the bad girlfriend because I’m the one who will forget to text and call and tell my s/o all these things I love about them and all these things that make them wonderful. I added that my ADHD is probably frustrating for them and for other people who know me. I then said, “It may seem like I use ADHD as an excuse a lot and I promise I’m not trying to”. They told me this:

“Having any disorder is a full-time job and symptoms can get to be a lot. I of all people get that. We just have to remember that symptoms aren’t our fault and that we are still learning to cope with them.”

I will probably always be learning how to cope with symptoms of my various disorders. I will probably have to work more on recognizing and remembering symptoms, and also remembering that while there are definitely things I should be taking responsibility for, my symptoms are not my fault. Your symptoms are not your fault. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. You are beautiful and amazing as you are, and that includes all of your quirks, accommodations you may need, Special Interests you may ramble about, days where you may not be able to function on your own, things you may need help with, etc., etc., etc. All of it. All of it is YOU, and anyone who wants to love you will learn not to love you despite these traits and things, but love the things that make you so uniquely you. The same goes for you too. Learn to love these things about you. Love yourself for who you are. Love yourself for how you function, how you think, how you move, how you look, how you love others. Love it all. And when you can’t do that, because sometimes you can’t and that’s okay too, remember that I love you no matter what.

Now go drink some water. <3<3<3

#relationships #my s/o #adhd #depression #anxiety #disorders #mental disorders #mental health #love #self love #how disorders affect relationships #my life #my relationship #my mental health #my disorders #i do also have a physical disorder #i just didn't bring it up here #its a whole other thing :P

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ahtohallan-calling · 4 years

Text

chapter 10 of it’s always ourselves we find is here!

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9

[kristanna / m / modern au / coworkers & enemies to lovers ;) ]

Once again, he was woken up by a hand shaking his shoulder and Anna’s voice as she said, “Kris. Kristoff. Wake up, I need you.”

“Mmff...what?” he mumbled, rubbing at his eyes.

“Remember how yesterday you said you owed me a favor?”

“Uh-huh.”

Through bleary eyes, he watched as she bit her lip, her eyes nervous. “I need to call it in.”

That got him waking up. He pushed himself up on an elbow with a wide yawn. “Okay, I’m up. What do you need me to do?”

Her face melted into a fond smile. “Nothing. I just need to borrow one of your shirts.”

“What for?”

“To wear.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think that’s gonna fit you.”

“I’ll make it work. I have to. We’ve got that conference call with Harry today doing the dry run, remember? And I, um...I forgot my nice dress was bunched up in the bottom of my suitcase, and I just realized my shampoo leaked all over it, and--”

“Alright, alright, yeah, just grab one from the closet, no problem,” he said with another yawn. “But it’s really not gonna fit.”

A sigh of relief escaped her. “Thank you so much, seriously.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Quick as lightning, she leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek. “Go back to sleep, Kris, it’s not even half-past six.”

The only reply he could conjure up was a nod, hoping the room was still too dim for her to notice he was blushing. Mercifully, she only lingered long enough to squeeze his shoulder before darting towards the bathroom.

The next time he woke up, it was to the beep of his alarm at a quarter past seven. He sat up, swung his legs over the side, and stretched, his back cracking as he arched his arms over his head. Anna peered around the corner of the bathroom then, her hair falling in soft curls over her shoulder. “Morning, sleeping beauty,” she said cheerfully.

“Morning. How’s the shirt situation working out?”

“You tell me,” she said, a little shy, before stepping out so he could see her.

Fuck, he’d never been so glad to be wrong. The shirt didn’t fit the way it was supposed to; it hung loosely around her slender frame, the hem hitting a couple of inches above her knees and revealing the graceful line of her freckled legs. She’d pulled a cardigan on over it, hiding the way the seams had to be falling off her shoulders, and left the top buttons undone, showing off her collarbone and a delicate gold necklace that nestled there. Kristoff didn’t know a hell of a lot about fashion, but he did know that she looked like she’d walked right out of one of the giant posters he saw stuck up at the mall-- and that he’d be more than happy if she wore his clothes for the rest of her life.

“Is it that bad?” she asked timidly, and he realized he’d been gaping at her in silence for what was probably an embarrassingly long amount of time.

“Jesus, Anna,” he breathed, “you’re keeping that shirt, okay?”

Her cheeks colored at that, but when she crossed to stand in front of him, she was wearing a smile. “Will you help me roll the sleeves up? The shirt’s all bunched up under the cardigan, but I think if I roll them up and over and get the cuffs right it’ll look better.”

“Of course. Let me see.”

She lifted an arm, and he began carefully rolling up the sleeves the way she’d requested, feeling his mouth go dry as he saw how delicate her wrist was next to his broad hands. He wanted to linger there when he was done, trail his fingers over the pale, silky skin of her forearm and press a kiss to her palm, but instead moved to the other arm without even looking up.

“Thanks, Kris,” she said when he had finished, catching his hand in hers before he could pull away.

He gave her fingers a soft squeeze and glanced up at her with a lopsided grin. “Don’t say I never did anything for you.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it. This almost makes up for all the times you’ve stolen my post-its. Now hurry up and get ready before the line for the waffle maker gets long.”

“Knowing you, feistypants, you’ll just elbow your way past anyone who gets between you and something sweet.”

“And knowing you, you’ll just glare at anyone who takes too long at the coffee pot and they’ll melt away on the spot.”

“I glare at you all the time, and you’re still here,” he pointed out.

She grinned at him then, and something about it made his heart constrict. “Yeah,” she said warmly, “I am.”

---

“Excellent work, you guys,” Harry said with a grin. Behind him, Elsa gave them a thumbs-up and mouthed fuck yeah.

Kristoff set a hand surreptitiously on Anna’s lower back, like he’d been doing during the whole presentation, as if to steady himself. “Thanks, boss,” he said, his relief palpable.

“Any suggestions for how we can improve it?” Anna asked. “Do you think using Prezi slows it down too much? I can remake it in Keynote if you want, or I already have a backup PowerPoint.”

“No, I--”

“And are there enough pictures? I know people get overwhelmed with blocks of text, but for some of this the pictures felt extraneous, so I just thought--”

“Anna, no, it’s--”

“And did I talk too much? I know I tend to go on and on and--”

“Miss Delle,” Harry said firmly, and her mouth snapped shut. “I typed a short list of critiques. Once Elsa has a look over it and adds her own thoughts, I’ll email it to you. But it’s all very minor stuff, really. The important thing is that you two really know your stuff about the tech we’re using and our online sales and engagement strategies. Seriously, great work. We’ve got a conference call in a minute, though, so if you don’t mind--”

“Oh, of course! Thanks so much, Harry, really,” Anna said breathlessly. “See you Monday!”

She headed over to where the laptop was perched on a lectern, moving to click the red button and end the call. Before she did, though, she watched as on the other end, Harry turned to her sister and said, “Don’t know why the hell my brother’s always requesting we review their department, do you?”

For a moment she froze, hearing Kristoff suck in a breath behind her. Harry glanced over his shoulder then and said, “Oh, sorry guys, forgot to hang up.”

“I’ve got it!” Anna squeaked, ending the video call before he could say another word.

She turned on her heel and saw Kristoff hadn’t moved, his expression inscrutable. She crossed back towards him, but his eyes didn’t move from the now-black screen. “Fucking rat bastard, huh?” she asked softly, setting her fingertips lightly against his forearm.

He sighed and looked down at the floor, not meeting her eyes. “Yeah.”

She bit her lip, lingering for a moment to see if he said anything else, but his thoughts were clearly miles away. She slid her hand down then to give his fingers a brief squeeze before turning away to retrieve her laptop and settle back down at the table they’d been working at in the most out-of-the-way meeting room they could find.

Kristoff joined her after a moment, already slipping his reading glasses back on as he hunched over his laptop. “I gotta finish running these reports,” he said, not looking up, “then I’ll help you with whatever Harry said.”

“No worries,” Anna replied, tapping her fingers against the table as she waited for the email to come in.

Harry, despite being one of the baker’s dozen and one Westergaard brothers, was, all things considered, a more than decent boss. He never got too in the way of the work, was always willing to listen to new ideas, and-- most importantly, in Anna’s opinion-- kept Elsa, who worked as his executive assistant, from overworking herself like she always tended to do. When Anna had been hired on, he hadn’t known the two of them were related, but he’d grinned when he found out and said he was looking forward to having the pair of them around.

As far as Anna knew, he was higher up on the ladder than Hans in terms of who was likely to inherit the company when it was passed down to the next generation, and she was grateful for it. Hans saw everything from a sales perspective and didn’t bother to consider the people involved, and he was outright cruel to people when it suited him, whether it made sense or not. She couldn’t help but wonder why Kristoff in particular was--

A large hand settled over her still-tapping fingers, pressing them flat against the table, and she jumped in surprise. Her eyes flicked up to see Kristoff looking at her, half-amused and half-irritated.

“You’re gonna drive me insane if you keep doing that,” he teased, his voice light.

“Sorry,” she said sheepishly, “just got lost in thought.”

“S’alright,” he reassured her, sliding his thumb under her palm so he could squeeze her hand. “Is the email in yet?”

“Oh-- I wasn’t even looking!”

She returned the squeeze before pulling away to refresh her inbox. “Here it is-- yeah, Harry says....’switch slide four and six….bigger font for the headers...great job.’ And Elsa says ‘relax, both of you’.”

When she looked up, Kristoff looked stunned. “That’s it? Really?”

“I...yeah. Shit, maybe we work together better than we thought.”

They exchanged shy smiles, each of them unsure of what exactly to do next. The fixes would take less than five minutes; there was nothing left to do but present tomorrow. Well, Anna corrected herself, he probably has lots of emails still about IT problems, probably wants me to get out of his way--

“Do you...do you wanna take a break?” Kristoff asked suddenly, raising one hand to rub at the back of his neck. “Like...we’re at the beach, right?”

“Uh-huh,” Anna replied, trying to quell the tide of excitement in her chest that was going to overwhelm her if she wasn’t careful.

“And we’re the only department with something big like this, so everybody else has already been doing fun stuff, you know?”

“Definitely.”

“So...we could have a turn. For a little bit, anyway?”

She couldn’t fight her smile any longer. “So...what do you wanna do?”

He grinned. “Race you to the room and then down to the beach?”

Before he could say another word, she was on her feet and running for the door, her laughter trailing behind her.

#kristanna #my fics #iaowf

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nullset2 · 2 years

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I developed a Sheikah Rune Translator with AWS Rekognition (Part 2)

Last time ~~on Dragon Ball Z~~ in this blog I was working on a machine learning model to recognize the Sheikah alphabet glyphs. After AWS rekognition fixed their Server Side Exceptions, I was able to successfully train a model. Takes around 30 minutes or so. Then I started the model so it ran:

My model doesn't have very precise results yet. It is a bit of a meme at this point, but machine learning models improve with the more data you feed them. I reached an F1 score of 0.3 and I managed to get it up to 0.54 by pulling more random data and labelling it. If I continue to crunch in labels from random data (I'm thinking, probably taking a shitload of screenshots of the actual game and labelling them), I will eventually get a better model.

This was my initial result:

I realized the following things:

It's more important to have training data than test data, and that training data labelled with interstitial bounding boxes rather than single-image bounding box seems to make the model smarter, faster.

When labelling data, prefer data without noise. If your input data has other characters, English alphabet letters, textures, background pictures, panoramas, etc., it will trip the model very badly and it leads to false positives. You will notice that from the fact that somehow the model would pick up a literal "X" in a test image as an actual sheikah glyph, whereas this should not happen.

Rekognition's UX is pretty horrible (sorry guys!). It is not possible to intuitively evaluate images on the UI. It's a lot better to script it. They provide python snippets (with harcoded paths to Mac, instead of Ubuntu or Windows, fonts and bounding box fonts and thicknesses which aren't responsive to the resolution of the output image) which you have to tinker with to make it work, which is ok, but for $4 USD (!) per inference hour and $1 per training hour, this is pretty bad. Let's hope that my next AWS bill isn't horrible, and that the Rekognition team hires a few UX engineers (WOOPS I FORGOT TO STOP THE MODEL AGAIN).

For some reason I get better results changing the min confidence parameter from 5 to 10 (still with an F1 ~0.5). If I go outside that range, no labels are ever detected. If I go below, there's false positives and other random shit.

So, this is part 2: to analyze the image we can poetry init analyze and you can use this pyproject.toml:

[tool.poetry] name = "analyze" version = "0.1.0" description = "" authors = ["Alfredo"] [tool.poetry.dependencies] python = "^3.10" Pillow = "^9.0.1" boto3 = "^1.21.3" [tool.poetry.dev-dependencies] [build-system] requires = ["poetry-core>=1.0.0"] build-backend = "poetry.core.masonry.api"

By the way fuck you tumblr markdown parser, you treat everything inside angle brackets as an html tag and I remember that bug existing since forever ago. I can't type the poetry default for authors in here, because it will mess up my post, and if I try to update the post after the fact, it will eat my code.

But whatever, I guess this is what happens when you use tumblr as a tech blog, podcast CMS and personal site at the same time.

Carrying on. Let's run images against our model.

Add a script analyze.py in your poetry project and paste this code:

import boto3 import io from PIL import Image, ImageDraw, ExifTags, ImageColor, ImageFont def display_image(bucket,photo,response): # Load image from S3 bucket s3_connection = boto3.resource('s3') s3_object = s3_connection.Object(bucket,photo) s3_response = s3_object.get() stream = io.BytesIO(s3_response['Body'].read()) image=Image.open(stream) # Ready image to draw bounding boxes on it. imgWidth, imgHeight = image.size draw = ImageDraw.Draw(image) # calculate and display bounding boxes for each detected custom label print('Detected custom labels for ' + photo) for customLabel in response['CustomLabels']: print('Label ' + str(customLabel['Name'])) print('Confidence ' + str(customLabel['Confidence'])) if 'Geometry' in customLabel: box = customLabel['Geometry']['BoundingBox'] left = imgWidth * box['Left'] top = imgHeight * box['Top'] width = imgWidth * box['Width'] height = imgHeight * box['Height'] fnt = ImageFont.truetype('/mnt/c/Windows/Fonts/Arial.ttf', 50) draw.text((left,top), f" {customLabel['Name']}", fill='#00d400', font=fnt) print('Left: ' + '{0:.0f}'.format(left)) print('Top: ' + '{0:.0f}'.format(top)) print('Label Width: ' + "{0:.0f}".format(width)) print('Label Height: ' + "{0:.0f}".format(height)) points = ( (left,top), (left + width, top), (left + width, top + height), (left , top + height), (left, top)) draw.line(points, fill='#00d400', width=5) image.show() def show_custom_labels(model,bucket,photo, min_confidence): client=boto3.client('rekognition') #Call DetectCustomLabels response = client.detect_custom_labels(Image={'S3Object': {'Bucket': bucket, 'Name': photo}}, MinConfidence=min_confidence, ProjectVersionArn=model) # For object detection use case, uncomment below code to display image. display_image(bucket,photo,response) return len(response['CustomLabels']) def main(): bucket='sheikahtest' photo='0eep0z8xc7n41.png' model='arn:aws:rekognition:us-west-2:978083271970:project/Sheikah/version/Sheikah.2022-02-19T17.33.02/1645320782903' min_confidence=10 label_count=show_custom_labels(model,bucket,photo, min_confidence) print("Custom labels detected: " + str(label_count)) if __name__ == "__main__": main()

This code will talk to AWS APIs on us-west-2 so you need AWS credentials to be populated. You can get tokens using AWS IAM, and to set them up you can use aws configure after installing the aws CLI sudo apt install aws or exporting them as ENV variables.

The images to be evaluated must live in an S3 bucket. You can modify the variables in main() to point this script to your bucket and image. I could make a wrapper and use CLI parameters but I'm lazy.

I had problems with Pillow's image.show() because wsl has no notion of a $DISPLAY so you need to export DISPLAY=:0. Python's Pillow depends on imagemagick (why?) so you also have to sudo apt install imagemagick. You need an X-Window server running on Windows too, from an administrator cmd install it with chocolatey: choco install vcxsrv then start the server at C:\Program Files\VcXsrv\xlaunch.exe

And you should see the results of your evaluation if all goes well when you run poetry run python analyze.py. To be continued? (I don't have much time to continue working on this for now...)

#works #projects

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sierrabinondo · 6 years

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summer tour days 10 + 11, post-tour thoughts

wow it literally took me over a month to get this entry up, sorry haha. santino roasted me for this several weeks ago and it still took me this long. i’ve been chronically bummed out for what seems like a month now, so it was hard to muster up the will to write. period, actually. it’s been really hard for me to write music lately i literally have to push myself and i find no joy in the things i love anymore!

anyways, here’s the last 2-3 days of our tour!

day 10 - philadelphia

sunlight peered in through the glass sliding door behind me as i woke up around 8:00 am in a living room with 8 other people, packed tightly across deflated sleeping bags and worn-in couches. i felt tired, but i was up already. i knew that if i didn’t get up and shower now, i was going to be waiting for five other people to shower before me.

everyone took a few hours to get ready before we decided to head out to breakfast together, including jorge. we had a lovely lil family breakfast at this nice cafe about 10 minutes from jorge’s house. it was a small spot overlooking the valley that had an expansive coffee and espresso drink menu. i got a cappuccino that had some FUN art in it and a Very Disappointing Eggs Benedict. I was a dumbass and asked for the florentine benedict with lox added, instead of asking for the lox benedict with spinach added, which would have cost me significantly less hahaha.

look at how small this bullshit is

sitting at a table with my bandmates and julie, we agreed that despite how long we had been on the road that we felt like we could keep going. i could tell everyone felt drained, but content. it’s like we all knew we were enjoying the last moments of freedom away from our boring lives back home and were cherishing each other’s company.

after paying our checks we said our goodbyes to jorge and piled into the van. we had a much shorter drive due to staying in state college, but still hit some traffic approaching philly. not a surprise. it was also weird arriving philly from the west and not coming over the ben franklin bridge, haha. as we drove towards south street we admired the sight of the chinese lantern festival, which we sadly wouldn’t have time for. as opposed to missing DGD’s tour, i was sure i’d live vicariously through photos of it from my friend’s back home and didn’t feel too bad.

i completely forgot that south street is one of the busiest streets in philly and is mere minutes away from TLA. i realized i had been here before and felt my blood pressure rise realizing parking would be impossible. however, behind the venue we found a shoddy dirt parking lot. skeptical of whether or not this was a good idea, we approached the lot attendant and asked if it was okay to park, explaining that we needed a clear space behind us for opening the trunk to get gear out. the attendant obliged to our request, or so we thought.

i’m not gonna lie, i had NEVER heard of the tusk before we played there and it was actually a cool spot. the staff were cool and it was much more spacious than the pictures led me to believe. loading in up a couple flights of stairs was just the worst part. we played with our friends in copley woods which was great, and played with another philly local old city revival. another touring band also hopped on last minute. our set was purely okay??? we all agreed it wasn’t my best set but whatever i had fun and people still dug us so that was fine. jaime and santino had to be like lined up behind one another with their amps and then joe got one whole side to himself hahaha.

photo credit: julie yi photography

i’m going a little out of order; i’m pretty positive this actually happened before our set. but out of nowhere i’m in the upper level of the venue by the stage and merch when julie texts the tour group chat BUGGING saying “HELP COME DOWNSTAIRS WE’RE GETTING KICKED OUT OF THE LOT”. so both bands run downstairs to scope out the situation, anticipating hell in the form of trying to find a new parking spot by south street in philly. what happened was, the lot attendant parked a vehicle behind ours, and when confronted about his promise that he made, he threatened to kick us out of the lot. however, jaime somehow magically de-escalated the situation somehow so the attendant agreed to move the car and everything was fine hahaha.

the night was wonderful because santino’s dad came out and we hung out with some real cool people, the only downer was we had to stay later than anticipated because the promoter added that fifth band/touring band on the end, AND, the touring band were the only people who listened to the promoter and played a long set. yeah, the promoter wanted us all to play for 45 minutes but all of us were like, fuck that. but this band ACTUALLY had that much material so they played FOR AN HOUR. ALL of us stayed and we watched them, but we were so fucking tired and we just wanted to go home. we stayed because we understood the importance of supporting other bands, and these people were out here all the way from denver, colorado. but we were so done. and on this night we were staying at my house in brick so we were only an hour and forty five minutes away from a comfortable sleep. AND, my boyfriend was going to be coming over late too so i was just dying to get home.

after loading out, a taco bell trip and a relatively short drive, we made it to my house around 1:00 am. and jeremiah still waited up and drove over for me uuugh :’)

day 11 - wallingford, ct

god, waking up to my boyfriend and fresh homemade breakfast by my parents was so, so good after being away for so long. it felt pretty strange to be home, and so briefly, but it was so good. we sadly couldn’t stick around for long after eating breakfast, as we had our van drop-off scheduled for 1:00 PM before our last show of tour in connecticut.

we have shindle drive us up to jaime’s house for one last drive in the van. it’s always sad when you’re in the van for the last day and you know your grand adventure is soon coming to an end. it rained as we drove up parkway north and shindle weaved in and out of shitty new jersey traffic. i definitely did not miss the parkway while i was gone.

shindle wanted to run home quickly to shower and change at home (understandably), so not soon after we unload all of his belongings he takes off. it sucked so badly unloading the van in the rain but what could you do. we started plotting where we were going to get a bite to eat after jaime, julie and i dropped off the van.

i look around at my bandmates and i go, “okay, who has the key?”

everyone stares blankly at each other.

joe goes, “uhhh, i think shindle gave it back to santino?”

santino looks back at us and goes “... i don’t have it.”

we tear apart our bags and turn our pockets inside out. search the interior of the van hoping it was left in the dash or on the floor by accident.

the drop off time for the van is 1:00 PM. it’s 12:15 PM.

and we realize that, shindle still has the key.

shindle’s phone died from the fifteen times i called him. he had left his phone on silent and didn’t look at it while he was driving back to little falls (who would). i had to call bandago and add another day to our rental. it sucked so badly. i was so frustrated that i started crying and jaime’s mom had to console me hahaha. i had to come to terms with the fact that there was literally nothing i could do. we weren’t going to get the key back until we saw shindle later. so i took a deep breath, put myself back together and we just left for the show anyways.

photo credit: julie yi photography

we arrived to wallingford, CT around like, 5:30, maybe 5:50 PM. i felt my throat acting up again. in fact, it started to feel shitty a day prior but i was praying that i could still pull off a good set later that night. julie walked with me from the venue to get throat coat from CVS and hot water from mcdonalds. i couldn’t really go on voice rest; i had to just drink a lot of fluids, warm up as well as i could and hope for the best. cherry street is a small venue/dive kinda place, but i actually really liked it. anthony told me a lot of people have complained about the sound there but we actually had a really easy time. but there were two people doing sound, one was scotty the venue’s regular and then there was a guy named will who ran the board for our set. will was great. scotty was just really nice too haha.

our friends migrant played the show as well as the band visitations. it was really great to see the guys in migrant again; we’ve been playing shows with them since 2016. we both played our first-ever studio at webster show together opening for sianvar before AEG shut all of webster down. because it was such a memorable night and they’re such a great band, we’ve kept in touch since then. visitations were also really awesome; i tried to watch as much as i could in between warm ups. i feel bad that i have to disappear to warm up while bands i’ve never gigged with before play, but i have to.

well it turns out, it was pointless anyways!

yeah, wasn’t fond of the set i played at all. and the sound wasn’t bad either. it was just me. i was really upset. this was our chance to win over people in a state we could easily travel up to and play whenever, and it felt so embarrassing to be up on stage and watch these people hear me blow it haha. its like nails on a chalkboard for me when i hear my mistakes. even if i know what i’m doing sometimes i just blow it anyways. chris knew i was upset too because he just patted me on the shoulder as i slumped off stage like “it’s okay just go do your cool-downs” HAHAHA. but apparently i did something right because scott, *the* sound guy everyone knows at cherry street, bought me a shot LMAO. and some other people from CT chatted us up too, and they bought our merch (and also bought me more drinks). maybe we did do something right for these people to still approach us and have nice things to say. but i still felt like they were being way too nice to me. i still feel like people lie to me. all of the time.

it was so awesome to watch destination dimension play to their hometown, as we were all surrounded by friends of theirs who were shouting the words to future cougar with us. it was so much fun to watch them play. and it was really nice of them to wear our t-shirts on stage haha. i didn’t wear mine but i bought the gray one which i loveee and is so comfy. we didn’t get to hang long after the show ended with them which sucked sooo badly because almost everyone had work the next day. i had the next day off but not everyone was so lucky. we loved touring with destination dimension so so much. it was nice to tour with a band in the same genre. we had such a happy time and we couldn’t wait for the next time we’d all get to see each other.

photo credit: julie yi photography

it’s always so weird, the last day of tour. in the middle of tour, it feels like you’re living in this dreamscape where calendar days barely exist and your only job is to show up, play and then do it all over again the next day. that night, it felt like it all barely even happened. all of tour was already becoming a faint memory. i’d look back at photos and only barely remember what it was like to feel that joy again. and i dreaded how distant every adventure we shared together was about to become.

epilogue

my alarm went off at 9:00 am. i hear sounds of jaime’s dad walking around the kitchen and in minutes time julie wakes up next to me. i lay there for a bit before texting jaime, “you up?” he comes downstairs, i throw my shoes on and my hair up in a ponytail and we go drop off the van.

it feels like tour is over but i’m still with my friends so i feel okay. julie and i grab our belongings from jaime’s house, say goodbye and return for our drive home together. we talk about tour and how fast it flew by. i’m sort of in a rush to get home in time for E3, so julie is kind to oblige and we get her stuff out of my car expediently when we pull up to her house.

i say goodbye to julie and joel, get back into my car and instantly feel my face muscles sink. the rest of the day just sucked.

i’m driving myself home feeling sleepy and don’t even realize it. i run a stop sign and nearly get t-boned by some poor person who didn’t just spend 11 days on 4-5 hours of sleep.

i finally arrive at jeremiah’s apartment in asbury and go to pick up the coffee i bought for my boyfriend, only to realize the ENTIRE cup spilled out everywhere all over the seat.

jeremiah meets me downstairs to help me bring my bags up. there’s just so, so much shit. a heavy bag of clothes, souvenirs, non-perishable food i never ate. i’m happy to see him; i’m happy for a little bit. we place an order for delivery at our favorite taco place, and i’m joking about post-tour depression as i walk out the door to go buy beer downtown real quick. already drinking at 1:30 pm! post-tour depression, is it a thing? probably not. there’s probably nothing wrong with me.

i check my work email and the dread floods in, full force. i did promise that i’d work from home, and i did, but there weren’t a lot of time sensitive matters. i took care of some youtube community engagement, checked stats on videos uploaded while i was gone, checked the socials throughout the day.

i’m home in time for the next E3 conference but i’m not even paying attention. my work laptop sits in front of me, screen glaring back at me as i’m not even using it. i’m on the couch looking out the window and seconds later tears are pouring down my face. seemingly, with no rhyme or reason.

well the crying thing happens like every 3-5 days lmao

but it just, didn’t stop. at one point i turn to jeremiah sobbing hysterically and he just holds me. like a broken record all i could say was “i hate that i have to go back to work tomorrow, i loathe that tour is over and this is just it, no more for the year. i have to wait until next year to go out again.”

and to be transparent, this is sort of the melancholy that has sat with me ever since that day. i wake up five days a week and drive the longest hour and five minutes of my life to work, and back home again in an hour and twenty, sometimes thirty, sometimes forty.

for my entire adulthood (let’s say like going back to age 18), i’ve dreaded my mid-20s. because my parents would warn me “you need a full-time job by the time you turn 26. you’re going to have to worry about health insurance. we’re going to turn over your bills to you.” so since then, my entire experience of living has been haunted by this death clock ticking down to year 26 of my life. so at 18, i said that by age 22 i needed to be somewhere with my music or i needed to give it up. completely.

hah.

the first few years of my 20′s i coasted. my band broke up so there went my shot at playing shows until i found something new. without delving into too much detail- for three years i dated someone and because i wasn’t happy i lost a lot of time. i finally recorded music again towards the end of that relationship. when i left that person at age 22 it felt like an entire world opened up to me. an enormous weight was lifted off my shoulders and i was free. i was starting over, in the best way possible. and then mere weeks after, something serendipitous happened- a friend i met because of that relationship approached me, offering to fill-in for drums for me so that i could play shows.

i was now 23. we were way past the cut-off date for me to be pursuing music seriously. but i couldn’t say no. and now here we are.

i stayed at my dead-end, incredibly far-from-home job for too long and now i’m finding difficulty finding something closer to home. i almost had a job a few times but i got scared of losing the ability to tour due to the nature of each company, so i idiotically turned those opportunities down. it seems like, to get signed to a label, you have to be both churning out digital content AND actively touring. if we could get a booking agent and/or signed to a great label i would quit my job immediately and work at a coffee shop. i just can’t swing an intense touring schedule if i get a serious full-time job in marketing. i just want to see how far i can take this band. yet, i may be screwing my future after the band if i don’t settle for a better job than just starbucks. but i don’t want to settle, at all. i’ve been panicking about this for a year now and recently my stress has become paramount, ruining every other day for me. when i sit down to practice and feel like i’ve barely accomplished anything in that practice session, i break down. because i feel like i’m running out of time. always. i have a finite amount of time and i’m running out.

so if you haven’t seen me lately, that’s probably why. i feel guilty for going out and spending time with friends because i feel like it’s time i could be spending on music. and i work day in and day out on my singing, guitar playing, writing, learning new tools for my craft, maybe i’ll go to kickboxing or the gym so that i stay in shape... and that’s it. and it’s crushing me. managing the band takes the fun out of everything too. i’ve become such an irritable person. i hate it. i feel like i’m not myself anymore. but i don’t think the problem is music. i don’t hate music- i hate this pressure to have every facet of my life fit perfectly together. i hate not having the freedom to only worry about music. being in a serious/active band is time-consuming. i realize i can’t have it all- the stable job with money and benefits and the life of a musician- but the pressures i’ve faced my entire life to settle for security have been making me lose my mind.

i hope that something good happens next year. i hope that something good happens sooner than that. i’m pretty sure this is how i wrapped the last tour journal too. but this has been my entire life- praying that things will just work out and that something good will happen. a year from now when i look back, i hope that i can regret any worry i’ve ever had. but if i find myself looking back in regret, no longer able to tour/pursue music seriously, i’m just grateful it all happened.

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thenarcolepticone · 6 years

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The Inflection Point

by TheNarcolepticOne

(AO3) (FF.net)

Summary: Cinderella!AU. Alfred is an expert of numbers. He lives a life of eternal counting and he doesn’t quite know when the day will come when those numbers will finally flow to his favor, flipping away from a thousand and one negatives to an exponential positive. And what’s math without a little magic? USUK

A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FRIEND @ixbranna16!!! (or @ixiethepixiewrites)

I hope this present like, doesn’t suck–

We both wrote a story about this concept but I didn’t have the balls to post it until today so OOPS.

Anyway, I hope you guys also have a good time reading this… ehe…

Alfred F. Jones never left home without two very important things: a pen (typically one including a name with whichever event had decided to hand them out for free), and a handheld spiral notepad. It’s been a constant habit of his since the first day that his stepmother discovered that the child could read and cheat the grocery list by adding extra foods at the end of it. It’s only after that event had Alfred carried paper and pen with him to every place he visited. He was an oddball of a kid who loved adding numbers and calculating almost everything that he could see. If Alfred could kiss numbers themselves, he would.

He counted the worth of everything his stepmother ‘granted’ him so that he knew exactly how much of a ‘financial liability’ he was to her (Alfred still didn’t know the costs yet; she hadn’t even ever sent him back to school). He counted how many steps it took to get to the top and the bottom of the house, and how many seconds it took to get to those endpoints.

Alfred especially counted all the money he had saved up from then on until he became 19.

He had a severe minimum wage count of about almost two measly coins a day for about nineteen years. Two cents per day, in a year, would have been $7.30 and by now he had an approximate $138.70; not counting the leap years. Alfred recalled himself grinning from ear to ear earlier that day, excited now to finally reach his goal to pay for the expensive suit he had been eyeing only recently.

Each year, his small little town would host a gala that would always be organized right smack dab in the middle of summer. It was a rumored occasion that stated that a man could find his true love there waiting for him, yet Alfred already knew how many failed dates his stepmother had ended up having. The answer: 13 and counting.

This never stopped Alfred from being as determined as he was. The idea of marriage was a glorious thing; one that could mean finally making something of himself other than just being lumped at home counting bubbles he popped while washing the dishes. The gala… it meant freedom in some aspect. Something that could break him out of his slavery to the woman he called ‘caretaker’.

And so the story begins right as Alfred enters into the clothing store, feeling his heartbeat drop several beats per minute upon seeing the horrid effects of how inflation had ruined his chances of being able to attend.

“Sir,” he addresses the clerk with a voice crack that made Alfred actually cringe with embarrassment within those few seconds. “Wasn’t this suit about $138.70 with the tax? Exact?”

“Aye, it was. But it’s the best thing I own in this store. Times are tough, kid. Either you put more pennies in that jar for an extra $10 or no deal.”

Alfred sighs. But all hope hadn’t lost itself in that moment. His eyes sparkle to the display only next to it, something much more flamboyant. Much more statement worthy. And totally $138.70.

“I’ll take that one, please.”

In the end, the situation didn’t quite add up to its estimated potential.

Alfred had only now gotten himself home with the floofy material still half pouring out of his hands. Glitter filled every crevice on the floor, and perhaps even through the cobwebs just behind the shelves. His expression, however, reads nothing less than excited, and he didn’t care to be bothered about cleaning it later if it meant he himself was going to have the chance to get ready for his first ever gala. He could finally set aside time for the ‘True Love’ part of his life.

But it was an expectation that was met with a metaphorical ax to the heart when Alfred’s stepmother comes home and drops her umbrella at the front door.

“…where in the hell did you get that?” she exclaims immediately, eyes straight to the outfit in his arms as if she was even surprised that he was holding it in the first place.

“I bought it with my own money, ma’am,” Alfred reasons, though he crosses his fingers from under the fabric. It’s an itchy kind, but it’s his money’s worth. “At the store. Isn’t it pretty? They wouldn’t let me buy the suit since it was expensive, but this was the next best–”

The statement is never finished and Alfred feels the fabrics of the silk slip through his fingers, mildly scratching his skin. It is being snatched away by a pudgy, scarlet-faced old woman; it’s the new image of a thief. Alfred tugs the fabric back, feeling his heart tug as hard as how he was pulling.

“That’s mine.”

She doesn’t relent her decision, tugging it back. Alfred doesn’t let go.

“Everything in this household belongs to me, ” she insists anyway, and Alfred practically yanks it out of her greedy hands. There wasn’t supposed to be an alternative option to the ‘happily ever after’. It was supposed to be his own story, and yet unsuccessfully, the tale becomes a broken reality when the fabric tears itself into two pieces.

Alfred inhales sharply, just as his stepmother quickly snatches the remains. She goes over to the dumbstruck hero, punching him straight in the jaw with contained irritation.

“I’m not being escorted to the gala with you, much less you wearing a dress.”

It’s a blur of hazy thoughts after, and Alfred ignores that his glasses had been knocked off his face. He says nothing, leaving the house instantly into the cold, yet welcoming rain. It’s a choice he decides to settle with, and the wetness masks his leaking tears.

The next instance Alfred finds himself, he’s retreated into the rusted walls of a weathered gazebo; a stage set in the middle of the gardens only as a means for impressing the neighbors. It was hardly ever used to do anything than be a decorative space, but it was his safe zone. His second room.

How he made it out there, in the mist of rain and visual haze, he wasn’t sure himself. Alfred just chooses to sit in the center, sniffling quietly as he feels his heart finally sink lower than his stomach. He’s dripping, with his head hung low and water dripping off his hair like it would a willow tree’s leaves. Alfred sits, hugging his knees. It’s only now that he finds it a stupid idea to have run out without any kind of warm clothing. He’s only wearing a tank top and knee-length shorts; the perfect attire for someone working the fields. Alfred sighs, with breath collecting into the air as he hugs his knees inward. He wonders briefly if true love would wait another 19 years. Adding the numbers, he’d be 38; probably hitting a midlife crisis and forever starving. Entirely unattractive.

He wipes his eyes, exhausted and tired before he feels a hand plop right on his shoulder.

Alfred jolts instantly, imaging that his stepmother might not have had enough pleasure with the previous encounter. Out of instinct, he swings his fist in the direction he felt the threat appear from, only regretting it immediately after when he hears the curse words of a much lower voice; a young man’s instead of a shrill old woman’s.

“…that was… entirely unnecessary. ”

The voice had an odd nasal intonation to it and Alfred had only just turned around, scraping his brain for replies but still unsure of how to approach the apology. It becomes more difficult to even try when he notices that not only was he dealing with a total stranger, but was, in fact, dealing with someone who had a gigantic pair of translucent butterfly wings probably twice his height.

And a nose dripping with newly drawn blood. Alfred winces and tries to hold off his interrogating questions.

“…hey man. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. Honest.” “I’m sure you didn’t,” the winged man sounds as if he were mocking him anyway. Alfred didn’t feel the any less guilty. “I wouldn’t have been summoned to help someone if they didn’t need it. Though, I think they forgot to include the part where you’re also ‘violent’.”

Alfred bites his lip. He finally gets one good look at him after hearing him speak, and his eyes went to finally settle on his appearance. As best he could, anyway. He still lacks glasses.

It’s the eyebrows that catch him first, furrowed and large. They were accompanied by a pair of pure green eyes staring him down and a hand covering the lower half of his face from the incident. Alfred can’t quite see the details of anything more than this. His eyes squint, but he gives up trying. He makes a move to speak, but his foot brushes against something solid and he looks down.

It’s a stick with a bright star at the end of it, shining so brightly that it almost hurts to look at.

“I’ll take that.”

The other scoops it up out of his vision with his free hand, and Alfred blinks as the man makes a swirling motion with it, eventually bopping Alfred’s head with the star point.

“Ow! What the…??” Alfred complains, but he opens his eyes again, only to realize the world decided to correct itself. The fields of trees were without doubles this time, and he feels his face with his hands. He can see the world clearly with no need for the specs. Blinking blearily, Alfred looks back again to the wand holder. He gets a glance quick enough to see that the fairy man also performed the same odd ritual on himself, waving his wand around. And he removes his hand away from his face without much mess. His nose didn’t look broken anymore. When he is finished with the action, he meets eyes with Alfred that flared with unimaginable annoyance. It’s then that Alfred notices the dusting of freckles on his nose; light and fairly obvious. And the anger was more pronounced in his expression. Perhaps not the same as his stepmother, but enough to probably not want to test his patience.

Alfred didn’t know if he should be terrified, but evidently, his inner questions were eventually answered by the way the other seems to soften his expression, extending a hand to him. It was forced, and he looked like he was trying his best to avoid blowing up with verbal abuse. “It’s a bit…late for an introduction now. But my name is Arthur. I’m your assigned Fairy Godfather.”

Alfred rubs his nose. As abstract as the concept was, he couldn’t help but make the comment.

“That…explains the wings.”

“I beg your pardon?” Alfred quickly takes ‘Arthur’s’ outstretched hand, trying to brush off his own rudeness. “Alfred F. Jones. I’m uh. I’m sorry for hitting your face like that. Don’t get to see a whole lot of new people around here, and they normally aren’t the good kind of people anyway.”

Arthur’s lip twitches. “I’m aware.”

Alfred gives a bit of an uneasy smile, then releases the hand grip before then rubbing his eyes several times. To make sure he wasn’t dreaming, of course.

“So uh. Fairy Godfather.”

“In the flesh,” Arthur says this with some aura of higher authority, giving a curt bow. One that Alfred chooses to ignore. He’s had enough of high and mighty. Alfred just tilts his head only a fraction as a response before replying.

“You’re a lot shorter than I imagined.”

“And for a pure soul, you’re a bit of a brute as well.”

The comment is unwarranted but Alfred can’t help but laugh as he says it, figuring perhaps this was a much better topic to shift to than being overly self-reflective like earlier.

“You’re also a little crude to be a Fairy Godfather. Sure I’m talking to the right guy?”

Arthur the fairy just rolls his eyes. “And cheeky too. Wow.”

“Touché.”

Despite the negative comments, Alfred couldn’t help but finally calm down. He figured perhaps he deserved this kind of treatment since he was the one who technically hit him without warning in the first place. He sighs after, then just rubbing the back of his neck. ‘Arthur’ also did fix his eyes too. A double favor that he clearly didn’t have to do.

“Anyway,” Alfred says. “What’s a Fairy Godfather doing in a place like this? Are you supposed to grant wishes or something?”

Arthur only crosses his arms and exhales sharply. Maybe this question was part of Arthur’s F.A.Q.

“I’m here because I’m supposed to give second chances,” the fairy replies, wiping the rest of the crusting blood off his nose. It was an answer that at least didn’t sound like he was trying to provoke him anymore. Which was good. “Apparently you want to go to the gala. And I’m supposed to make sure that happens, so here I am. I just hope you make reasonable requests.”

Alfred furrows his brows. “Wait so. You’re gonna help me get to the gala and find my soulmate?”

The fairy man looks jostled at that assumption. “Well. Perhaps not that far along. But hopefully, yes.”

“But wouldn’t that mean you’re more of a cupid kinda guy more than a fairy?”

Arthur snorts. “It would appear so.”

“But I’m not even dressed for it!” Alfred complains. “My outfit…”

It’s then Arthur’s turn to laugh, though it came out more as a chuckle. “You mean the dress?”

Alfred pouts. “Hey. There’s nothing wrong with dresses. It’s what I could afford.”

Arthur just rolls his eyes again, but he’s smiling as he does so. He twirls his wrist in a circular motion as he holds the wand. And Alfred looks down when he notices light radiating off his body, widening his eyes when he recognizes the exact tuxedo that he had wanted to buy in the store only hours ago.

“Holy hell.”

“You’re very welcome.”

Alfred felt his smile return to him, and it was the kind that bubbled up to the surface enough to make his eyes water. He looks happily at Arthur, making an expression that was almost ruined by tears. Arthur then seemed to look away briefly.

“…please don’t cry on me. I’d rather not use the excess magic for laundry maintenance.”

“Thank you so much, Arthur. You’re like, the best Fairy Godfather ever.”

Alfred catches Arthur off guard, and he pulls him into a tight embrace. Enough to squeeze all his feelings in a single motion, but not too much that he didn’t make Arthur gasping for breath. Arthur’s cheeks flush, but he tries to maintain a stable expression.

“…I already said you’re welcome. Now can you…let go?”

Alfred opens his arms, and Arthur practically stumbles out of balance. But he gains his composure again, brushing himself off as he adjusts his stance. Alfred keeps his gaze downward at the tuxedo. He doesn’t even ask about the transportation, but it’s clear that even if he didn’t ask, it would still be provided for. And he looks up at Arthur without any fail of his smile wavering. “You want to come?” “Wait, wait. What?” Arthur sputters, but Alfred offers his hand, giving a bright grin. “You know, you can’t just arrive at a party by yourself. You need a date/ And I’m thinking maybe since I can’t pay y’back for this suit in a few years–”

“Alfred, you don’t even have to pay me back for this. And inviting me is the most ludicrous thing anyone has ever suggested to me.”

“But does that mean yes then?”

Arthur sighed loudly. “Well,”

“You’re a fairy of chances, aren’t you? Why don’t you stick around? I kinda need a date, you know. And it’s the last chance I’m gonna get before I get married.”

Arthur then feels himself chuckle again. “Twisting my words already. Alright. But only since you asked.”

#usuk fanfiction #usuk #my fanfiction #hetalia #based off a discord prompt #I actually wish that person came back #they did so many good things for this fandom but they left because they're into other things #:(

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alicethecook · 5 years

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Bread Baking Secrets

New Post has been published on https://homekitchen.info/bread-baking-secrets/

Bread Baking Secrets

Bread baking involves so many things that first time bakers are often discouraged after a few failed attempts to turn out professional looking and tasting loaves. If they only possessed the professional Baker’s secrets bread baking would be so easy that the bread would practically make itself, little do they realize that!

Stop Bread From Sticking In The Pan

How many amateur bakers know the secret to keeping bread from sticking to the pan every time? None! When they try their hand at bread baking for the first time their bread sticks to the bread pan, and ends up a crumbled mess if they try to force it out. They give and cry up thinking that the problem lies with them. The shocking truth is that it doesn’t! The problem lies with their lack of knowledge of THE baker’s bread baking secret. The secret professional chefs and bakers won’t tell you, the secret they guard so jealously. Any kitchen pro likes to keep their secrets. My father happened to learn this bread baking secret in his younger baking days (which is no surprise since his great grandfather was a chef for the White House and owned his own bakery) and has passed it on to his children ever since.

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A Neat Baking Secret

Here it is; You will need only one tool besides for the oil and bread pan you already have, and that is quite simply CORNMEAL (you shouldn’t need more than 1/4 to 1/2 cup for two loaves of bread). ” Cornmeal?” you ask doubtfully. “YES, cornmeal!” No, you do not add the cornmeal to the bread ingredients! That is not the bread baking secret. What you do is you oil your pan as usual, and you lightly sprinkle cornmeal on all of the sides and bottom of the bread pan. Now you can safely place your bread dough into the pans without fear of it sticking to them. While your bread is baking instead of sticking to the pan, your bread will stick to the cornmeal and slide easily out of the pan when done baking.

A lot of the time this will be unnecessary however and your bread will pop out just by your turning the bread pan upside down. You will probably also want to use the butter knife to scrape the excess cornmeal off the bottom and sides of the bread as you may not care for the taste of cornmeal. This bread baking secret will work whether you’re baking a batter bread or a rising bread (also called yeast bread). I personally use it for both.

Using A Second Baking Pan

Here is another treasured bread baking secret, this one only for batter breads: On the last ten minutes of its baking time cover the bread pan containing the batter bread with another bread pan (a steel bread pan works best), and leave it on until the bread is finished baking. This will keep the batter bread from burning or becoming too hard on top. When it is finished, you may vary the time you leave the steel bread pan on according to how your batter bread usually looks. 20 minutes will work best if it is a very dark brown on difficult and top to slice because the top is so hard. If it is just a little too hard on top and a little too brown the 10 minutes should suffice. If it usually comes out soft and golden on top after the baking is completed, do not cover the bread at all. You may also glaze a batter bread on top with a tablespoon of melted butter mixed with a tablespoon of honey, and sprinkle some flaked coconut or sliced nuts. To glaze you start by taking the bread out of the oven five minutes before the required baking time is finished, then spread the butter/honey mixture on top of the bread, sprinkle on your coconut or chopped nuts and bake for the remaining 5 minutes.

If You Have Too Much Dough

Here is another useful bread baking tip for rising breads … If your bread loaves over rise (say because you were busy and forgot about them), then you can use a pair of scissors to cut off the excess sides, being careful not to cut any dough from off of the top. You may then use this excess dough to make rolls. You simply oil a pizza or cookie sheet and form the dough into several small balls. Rise them for another half hour and then bake on 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 15 to 20 minutes or until golden brown.

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#baking #baking bread #bread recipes #how to bake

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xtremedespair3d · 5 years

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Anime Winter 2019 Final Impressions + Plans for Spring 2019

(I’ve seen Screen Rant and Crunchyroll using this shot as a thumbnail for news posts when the second trailer dropped, so I might as well use it too 😂)

The very first anime season of the year ends and we’re moving on to the next one, and it appears that this season is going to be the best one yet, before I discuss why with what shows I’m going to watch, let’s go back to the Winter season to rank every show I watched this season!

(Just don’t expect to see Kaguya-sama on this post, I haven’t really watched it at all, sorry. (but I will binge it eventually))

1.- Mob Psycho 100 II: Mob Psycho 100 continues to be a sakuga wonder and powerful storylines, I always thought the first season would be much more memorable for me, but I think this season definitely tops the character development and plotlines.

As for the sakuga wonder, this proves why Mob Psycho 100 is being held at better hands unlike One Punch Man, it went from Madhouse to JC Staff which is utterly disappointing, but Mob Psycho 100 being adapted by Bones and continuing to work on it is the best thing the series ever has.

I still haven’t read the manga but I can probably tell this is not the series finale, I wonder if there could still be a third and final season so it can adapt the final volumes of the manga, since it has ended recently, that third season would come in a quicker time, maybe like a year, a year and a half, or two, I don’t know, but it’s not impossible for that to happen anytime soon.

10/10 - Rank: S++ - 100% - AOTS #1.

2.- Kemurikusa: This all-new reboot has completely lived up to my expectations and it delivered some neat changes to the original and some big surprises.

Part of my experience was a bit dragged by the uncultured assholes that is 4chan with “Kemono Friends 2″ is better and such (Since it’s 4chan, some of them could be trolls, some of them could tell the truth, can’t really tell for sure), but it didn’t completely ruin my enjoyment of Kemurikusa, this is no big deal. And then there’s also the janky animation, but it’s Tatsuki’s quirk, so I’m not completely bothered by that and let him have it.

There are still some plot holes around the universe and everything else that raises questions after witnessing certain moments, but I think it’s best to leave things as it is, I wouldn’t expect Tatsuki to answer every single question, or even touch the world again.

I wonder what's next for Tatsuki now that Kemurikusa is finished when it comes to a new TV project, another remake of his classics or a completely original series? He would probably continue doing shorts for now. Either way, I totally need more Tatsuki TV projects since Kemono Friends. But for now, I would expect to see shorts being posted by parts on Twitter and then the full compilation on YouTube and NicoNico.

I almost forgot, I needed to address something: For the longest time I’ve been hyping up to watch the original 30 minute series before watching this reboot, I realized that you don’t really need to watch the original, but you should at least acknowledge its existence. But if you want to compare this to the original that badly, then you do need to watch the original. (We’re back in square one lol)

And for all the haters, please read this thread, and when you finish doing so, apologize and go take the L, conche tu madre, thank you.

10/10 - Rank: S++ - 100% - AOTS #2.

UPDATE - April 4th: Okay, a week after the finale’s release (Wednesday), Tatsuki out of the blue released a brand new 12.1 short video! (So far it raises so many questions)

I genuinely did not expect to see more Kemurikusa content, sequels even, but this is quite a surprise. I don’t know how long this is going to be but I’m sure it could be a weekly release. Anyways, this is really neat.

Smiley Riku is best Riku.

3.- The Promised Neverland: This was a pretty solid adaptation and the suspense has kept me on the edge of my seat constantly.

I’m so happy to see that a second season got announced for 2020. I wonder if it’s going to be a My Hero Academia situation, where it started with 13 episodes (in TPN’s case, it was 12 episodes long) and later seasons have two-cours.

9/10 - Rank: S - 95%

4.- BanG Dream! season 2: The first season heavily focused on building Poppin’ Party, this season features all of the bands and some episodes were focused on each band, which I was really interested, definitely looking forward to the 3rd season in Fall. (which I genuinely forgot it was coming out too)

Speaking of season 3, I recently researched that Rokka is a member of RAISE A SUILEN, and I wonder if S3 might get a storyline with Rokka becoming a member of RAS.

This looks way better than Monster Strike, I like that the characters have more like shading/lighting than being pure cell-shaded anime-like, but my common complaint with Sanzigen, or maybe even CG anime in general, is that they tend to make some background characters completely hand drawn which doesn’t blend well with the CG characters, it’s just horribly noticeably bad and inconsistent. You can add hand drawn effects and such, but for the love of god, never do hand drawn background characters and even main characters in flashbacks. (like Lay and Tae)

The third season was originaly going to come out on Fall but it got delayed to Winter 2020, which is a bummer, it could have been like BBK/BRNK three years ago but time is always needed.

9/10 - Rank: S - 96% - AOTS #4

5.- Ikki Tousen: Western Wolves: After spending an entire week binging everything Ikki Tousen, I couldn’t wait to see what Western Wolves had in store given on what I last saw with Extravaganza Epoch (even though I kind of forgot already), with 3 episodes for 3 months, this was a solid series with good fan service.

I hope I won’t wait for another 5 years or so for another series.

8.5/10 - Rank: A+ - 88%

6.- Kakegurui XX: Now I’m worried if this was a worthy follow-up given MAPPA’s track record of making crappy second seasons, best example being Rage of Bahamut: Virgin Soul.

Occasionally I was less motivated to watch an episode when it came out raw and rewatch that episode with subtitles by whatever group and sometimes I also felt like this series was way over-the-top than I previously felt like the first season

Anyways, I thought it was a decent follow-up.

7.5/10 - Rank: A- - 76%

7.- Manaria Friends: Decent series, but the most important thing I want to talk about is, this was supposed to come out on April 1st, 2016, but it got on hold a month prior its release. Since CygamesPictures was founded in 2016, perhaps they took the series and reworked into what it is now, after 3 years of reproduction and release, I wonder if it was even worth the wait. I’m also surprised the show is 15 minutes long, I’m not sure if this was part of the original version, but it’s that kind of short.

For some strange reason, I wish any footage of the original version of Manaria Friends would be leaked somewhere. 😁

Now with Manaria Friends released, and with the upcoming Princess Connect! Re:Dive anime series (and maybe they even took Granblue Fantasy: The Animation (that’s right, it’s confirmed that it’ll get a second season) away from A-1, that’s my theory), let’s see what does CygamesPictures have in store when it comes to anime based on their IP and maybe even original projects of their own (which has gotten me more curious since I’m an original anime fanboy).

Also, the show’s English title is called “Mysteria Friends” for some reason. (Well, not really “for some reason”, there’s definitely a reason why, but I’m not that big of a Rage of Bahamut person)

I never knew the show was going to be 10 episodes long, since it premiered late in January, I thought it would run for 12 episodes which it could be in April, which is way late to the Anime Winter 2019 closing party, but closing the series at episode 10 feels like a good time.

7/10 - Rank: A- - 74%

8.- Boogiepop wa Waranai: Not much to comment on this one, and I haven’t really read the LNs, but this one seems interesting. The only thing I’m not a fan of is its own style of character designs, it just looks weird and doesn’t really respect much to the original artist’s style, which lead to this whole thing with this Twitter rants and Kadokawa apologizing for the miscommunication (Can’t stop talking about this), so I guess the damage control wasn’t worth it to get used to the anime’s designs. At least the animation and visuals look good, though.

7/10 - Rank: B - 70%

9.- Lupin the 3rd: Goodbye Partner: After Part 5, I didn’t expect a new OVA special would appear right away, it’s a self-contained OVA special, it doesn’t have anything to do with Part 5 at all, though.

The only thing I’m super dissatisfied is that in 37 minutes, it seems like there was a huge skip, we jump to a crazy situation right away, after a conflict Lupin and Goemon had with Jigen minutes prior, we see that they’re working together again, like, what? It’s just feels so random...

7/10 - Rank: B+ - 72%

10.- Mini Toji: This franchise continues to give less of an impact in my life and to consider it to be on the range that of Kancolle and Touken Ranbu (you know, those games I always joke about that Toji no Miko is their baby), one year later after the base anime series, they decided to make a short spin-off series, I couldn’t turn down the offer to watch it, I was curious on what’s it going to be, and the show overall is alright, it is funny at times and I had some laughs but it’s not too hilarious.

As for the chibi style, it just looks so weird. Seeing the image below which I found in 4chan when episode 8 came out just makes me wish they could have chose this style instead of the one from Mini Toji because the current style just looks so wrong.

And there’s also the most painful, if not, the worst running gag ever, Kaoru is always getting mission jobs from her boss, every episode we see her tired and it makes me feel super bad for her, let her rest, let her suffering end. ;_;

Not to mention the show has a very sluggish pace, everything happens so fast I don’t even have time to understand or even laugh at what the fuck is going on. For a 3 minute short series, the best thing they could have gone is make a shorter opening or don’t feature an OP at all, just feature a title card to open the show and that’s it. Or maybe they could have extended the run time to 7 minutes (a la Sugoiyo!! Masaru-san) so I can enjoy the pace better.

Unlike Manaria Friends, I did know but then I forgot this series was 11 episodes long, but at the same time it threw me off thinking there could be an 11th episode but then I realized episode 0 counts.

6/10 - 60% - Rank: C-

And now... time for the top 3 worst anime of the season!

11.- W’z: I’ve probably never paid a lot of attention to the trailers (and even vaguely remember it), I thought it would be a stand-alone and different kind of series with a lot more music themed or something, but when the series premiered, it revealed itself as a sequel to Hand Shakers... THAT’S RIGHT, A SEQUEL TO HAND SHAKERS NOBODY ASKED FOR.

Despite being surprised that W’z is a sequel to Hand Shakers, I’ve grown to really like the series overall in a short amount of time, it makes me like Hand Shakers more than I previously could.

In like 3 or even 4 episodes, I couldn’t stop fanboying out constantly seeing the characters from Hand Shakers who look so grown up after the 10 year time jump after the series happened.

I mentioned that I thought that W’z was self contained, there are some moments and characters that are barely self-contained because the plot is all heavily linked to Hand Shakers (not that I’m complaining, though). I genuinely didn’t care much for the new characters, except Yukiya because he’s the adopted son of Break and Bind (Real names: Reijiro and Yukine Araki, respectively) , and he’s the McGuffin for accessibility to the Ziggurat to find Nagaoka and Mayumi. The one character I was the least satisfied for their lack of development was Midori, at first he’s had a couple of interesting moments, but the rest he barely appeared in the series and only in the previews, but in episode 9, they finally gave him plenty of screentime and even dropped some good info bombs on what the Ziggurat can do and stuff, so that redeemed my feelings on the character.

Another complaint would be the DJ Nielsen character, he’s got interesting motives and he’s the one who gave Reijiro baby Yukiya in a flashback, but his rapper-kind of voice can be so annoying. He and CHU2 from BanG Dream S2 would make a great team, or maybe a contest on who speaks the worst. (SPOILER ALERT: It’s a draw, they’re both so bad in different levels)

Then we get to episode 10 where the most important thing is that NAGAOKA AND MAYUMI FINALLY SHOWED UP. It actually took so long for them to appear because there was like a lot of stuff in the way, but whatever, I was so happy to see them... albeit with a caveat. Since the goal was to get Nagaoka and Mayumi out of the Ziggurat, it turns out that the duo themselves can’t get out because they want to live a normal life and Nagaoka was sick, as Mayumi said. It’s a little sad and it sucks that they can’t get out, but at least Mayumi had a phone call with Koyori after all.

I thought episode 12 with a Midori/Seba episode (it wasn’t an episode dedicated to those two) and to be on par with Hand Shakers with the 12 episode total, but I’m glad there was a 13th episode to have a good conclusion, and boy, this episode delivered some good surprises: The biggest moment is where Nagaoka told Yukiya how much he has grown and then Yukiya himself straight-up called him “Dad”, like three episodes prior, I had theorized that Yukiya would be Nagaoka and Mayumi’s true biological son but I backed off because I thought it would be disturbing (maybe not really, Mayumi must be old after the 10 year gap and she and Koyori don’t look like they have aged at all), BUT IN REALITY, HE REALLY IS, GOHANDS THE FUCKING MADMEN. The second thing I was happy to see was Makihara, at long last the man finally shows up, he always narrated the first few episodes and I couldn’t stop saying “Show yourself, Makihara!” or something and then there were a couple of namedrops, they took so long but maybe they wanted to save Makihara’s appearance in the flesh for last.

This may not be the biggest deal, but since every single character from Hand Shakers appeared in W’z all grown up and such, the one thing I really wasn’t happy with is the absence of Hibiki and Kodama. Sure, they both got namedropped once (though Kodama was namedropped twice) and mentioned their current careers (Kodama being a singer and actress and Hibiki being a costume designer) but I never got to see them at all, maybe they weren’t the most popular amongst GoHands’ staff. They weren’t my bigger favorites of the Hand Shakers cast (and I don’t mean it in a negative way) but seeing them how they have aged would have been really worth it, come on, GoHands!

Despite the hideous visuals GoHands has grown to have in recent years, I really liked W’z, it makes me like Hand Shakers more than I previously could. If I really liked the show so much, then why it’s in the top 3 of my worst anime of the season? Well, mainly for the aforementioned hideous visuals, while they don’t bother me much, it’s for the sake of people who can’t stomatch it. (Says the guy who put Kemurikusa on second place and gave it a 10/10, Rank: S++, 100%).

Like Kemurikusa, W’z also has a couple of plot holes, which I don’t really expect they could get answered that much, but some parts certainly raise a lot of questions, most notable, this Composer character, we never got to see who was this Composer Senri and Hana worked with. (They both don’t have in common, but they both made me ask questions about the plot and lore.)

Regardless on how you feel about the visuals nowadays, I still want GoHands to continue doing projects, one day they’ll return to their former glory with good visuals like the K franchise and they’ll win their old fans back, but the more important thing is that I still want to see them creating interesting stories.

I’d like to see more stuff taken place in the Hand Shakers universe, just don’t make sequels with every 10 year gap because I don’t want to see all the characters from Hand Shakers and W’z grow really old and die, prequels would be fine to explore more on the Akutagawa/Okuike families and/or fill the 10 year gap between said series. If GoHands decides to make completely different IP that’s not set in the Hand Shakers universe, being its own self-contained universe, I would be totalyl fine too. (I previously thought W’z was a self-contained series before it premiered after all.)

You can call me a lunatic or tell me I’m high, and say whatever you want about Hand Shakers/W’z, I’ve grown to like the franchise and I got the balls to tolerate the visuals unlike you. Besides, It’s not about the visuals anymore, it’s about enjoying the story a lot more.

By the way, I made this meme ages ago and I’m so proud of it. 😂

5/10 - Rank: C - 52% - (AOTS #5 :^) ).

12.- Virtualsan - Looking: This got announced and released a trailer simultaneously out of nowhere, but when I saw the trailer (though it was focused at introducing the main VTubers) and the opening preview, I always thought the show was going to look half-assed, and indeed it did. And speaking of the opening, this series should have been hand-drawn so it would have been cooler to see the VTubers that way.

The bigger problem is that there’s no Kizuna AI at all, which many people aren’t happy with, I’m not worried too much since I like seeing the other VTubers (people should at least watch other kinds of VTubers, not just Kizuna AI alone). Even if Kizuna AI sings the first opening theme, it won’t make up for the fact that she’s completely absent. (At least try to learn to like other VTubers the same way you have your many normal YouTubers/Let’s Players you like, you dumb fucks)

The weirdest selling point of this show, Hideaki Anno was involved in the series. Yes, you read that right, the very same guy who did Evangelion and Shin Godzilla. No wonder why there’s this one sketch where we see the main cast dressed as the girl school uniforms from EVA.

The title of the show, Virtualsan - Looking has given a lot more meaning as I kept watching, it turns out that it’s actually referred to the VTuber Baacharu always watching, he always pops up at the very start of every episode and he’s a recurring star in “Listen Sister!” (forgot the name already, oops) where he always get thrown by Tokino Sora in order to confess to Sister Claire herself [Tokino]. Then he occasionally appears at this Siro segment where some VTubers take a seat and Siro gives a lot of trivia about different topics (then Baacharu became the last guest to star in this segment). It all makes sense now, but for some reason the subtitles called Baacharu “Virtual”.

Speaking of localization, for some reason Crunchyroll decided to license the series a week after its release, but guess what? The episode release schedule was behind, they simulcast the previous episode before the new one aired in Japan, that is until with episodes 5 or 6 which made things even.

There’s no real reason for me to hate this series, I quite enjoyed it and had a lot of laughs throughout the series but the half-assed special effects and stuff are not for the faint of Western audiences’ heart.

Though, I gotta say, this has the potential to spawn more genuine VTuber anime, I’m really optimistic to see more of them in the future.

4.5/10 - Rank: D+ - 48%

13.- Kemono Friends 2: *sigh* Oh boy, trying to write a series review on this one is going to be really tough, but to make it short, it’s as expected, Kemono Friends 2 is a soulless cash grab of a show, a shadow of its former self, definitely the WORST of the season. There’s just so many problems the show has:

Recycled storyline from the first season with a new human character nobody asked for.

Boring ass opening theme song that isn’t memorable and isn’t singable like WELCOME TO YOUKOSO JAPARI PARK.

Having two characters who serve the Raccoon and Fennec-type of roles. (despite having them featured in the OP numerous times and started to appear on episode 10)

Ceruleans look like unfinished CG mess compared to every character and heck, even the Ceruleans from the first season.

Occasionally inconsistent framerate from character movements, most of the time is a bit slow but there are a few times that it goes really fast.

Completely wiped out Serval’s memories of the events from the first season

etc.

Let’s go part by part:

The biggest crime of this season is of course not following the To Be Continued teased at the end of the first season and they decided to soft-reboot the series with a totally new human character, Kyururu.

Then, enter Armadillo and Pangolin, two characters who are looking for Kyururu for reasons [that is from the beginning of the series, later it was explained why they did it, it was to bring Kyururu to Domestic Dog], sound familiar? That’s because their roles are very like Raccoon and Fennec from the first season... when Raccoon and Fennec ALWAYS appeared in the opening (and then finally appeared on episode 10).

Speaking of the opening, the theme is a boring jazz earrape and it’s certainly not memorable or even singable as the first season’s opening, WELCOME TO YOUKOSO JAPARI PARK, those days are over.

I mostly didn’t even care for literally every character in the series. However, there are characters I do care, Kaban-chan (which I’ll discuss about her in a bit) of course, I will always care for Kaban-chan, and Domestic Dog, she’s the one Friend I’d definitely protecc because she’s a doggo and I feel bad for her in episode 8. The characters I’d definitely least protecc are Kyururu, nobody asked for a brand new human to take the Kaban-chan role, and Serval, because she doesn’t remember shit about the first season, they kind of ruined her character.

Serval was the worst change that has ever happened to her, as I stated, they basically wiped out all of her memories of the first season (or so it seems). Caracal told Serval that she had traveled with a human before and there was a small flash with Kaban-chan’s silhouette, this is one of the many things this season broke my heart very badly.

As for Caracal, the chemistry between her and Serval this season didn’t absolutely work here. Her character is depicted kind of a tsundere compared to her Welcome to Japari Park version which, gotta be honest, I definitely prefer the Welcome to Japari Park version and voice way better than the Kemono Friends 2 one. Without disrespecting the VA way too much, her voice for Caracal didn’t work for the character.

Rewatched a small portion of the first season, despite Serval having the same VA, she sounds a little different in Kemono Friends 2.

Speaking of Welcome to Japari Park, there’s the finale coming up in two weeks, so I hope it has a better conclusion than Kemono Friends 2 (which I’ll talk about later).

Now... let’s talk about Kaban-chan! If Serval wasn’t that of a poorly written character enough, Kaban-chan has definitely suffered the most! At the end of episode 5, a paper plane with a flame on its tip was flying out of nowhere, just to drive the Beast away, I heard a voice and IT WAS KABAN-CHAN!!! I was so happy that she finally appeared and I was eager to see more of her in the next episode, then the next week came and... she had plenty of screentime but... SHE DIDN’T DO SHIT! SHE DIDN’T DO A LOT OF SHIT, LIKE, SHE COULD HAVE INTERACTED WITH KYURURU A LOT MORE ABOUT WHAT DOES SHE WANT AND EVERYTHING, I CANNOT FORGIVE THIS EVER!

Well, it’s not like I wanted her with Serval to be like “Hey, Serval! Do you remember me?”, I understand she had her reasons and she must have been aware on Serval’s memory or something, but at the same time, she didn’t do a lot, though later in the episode, it was more focused on Kyururu talking to the owls about the origin of the Ceruleums, Kyururu theorized that the Ceruleans must have been spawned from the sea, and they all decide to test this out, which I don’t really blame too much that it turned out that way because they need to focus more on the overarching story of Kyururu’s search for her house, but come on...

At the end of the episode, Kaban says goodbye to the main trio, but most importantly, to Serval, as she asked Caracal to take care of her, she was downright sad.This episode was completely unsatisfying that I went so far to make a review out of it.

But that’s not the end of Kaban-chan, as she did appear in the final episodes, which I’ll talk about them in a bit...

But I gotta say, I really dig Kaban-chan’s new design. She has indeed grown up given by her height and her matured voice. 👌

There’s something I haven’t discussed very often and that is the NicoNico ratings. I haven’t seen these very often but I’ve seen two screenshots of two random episodes of the ratings, and guess what? Japan definitely voted for the “I didn’t like it.” option! Here’s a screenshot of episode 6:

This is the exact same episode with the underwhelming reunion with Kaban-chan, it deserved it.

This is very funny because, two years ago, Pop Team Epic also a lot of dislike ratings, but it’s not because PTE is bad bad, I think it’s because it’s a kuso anime and people would follow the gag that it sucks or something, but in the case of Kemono Friends 2, it’s plain bad.

Moving on, episode 9 came by, the PPP episode, and there was no Crunchyroll-Hime cameo from the first season, wow, the disrespect. Then we get to see Crested Ibis again! Though she was not a main Friend of the episode (as it is a PPP-centered episode), she has become more of a minor role, just doing auditions, she even name dropped Alpaca.

Next we’ve come to the one episode where Armadillo and Pangolin finally captured Kyururu and brought to her master, the master appeared to be a Friend called Domestic Dog. She started talking to Kyururu that she has finally met a human after a long time, she brings Kyururu to her house and OH MY GOD, SHE MADE DOG SOUNDS, DEFINITELY PROTECC, I’M BEING SERIOUS, PROTECC.

Then comes the scene where Doggo was protecting Kyururu from the Beast, the moment I saw her full of scratches and dirt, my god, I cannot unsee that, that was horrifying.

(Yes, I couldn’t resist bringing John Wick jokes)

Then when doggo let go of Kyururu, to come back to her friends, I felt so bad for her. I saw a comment on Crunchyroll where someone said “Oh no, she’s Seymour from Futurama” and things couldn’t be any more painful.

Right at the end of the episode, these two Friends from a promotional poster I saw a while before the series premiered finally showed up.

They’re purpose was to give Kyururu some sort of existential crisis (well, not that much) by asking her if her house really exists, why did she made her drawings, etc.

Now we’re finally in episode 10 where Raccoon and Fennec finally appear after being in the OP literally every episode ever (Maybe I was asking for meaning or pay-off way too much), then KABAN-CHAN REAPPEARS and that time she was hella serious because she, the professor and her assistant, found out that there were Ceruleans being spawned from Kyururu’s drawings. Kyururu then made a drawing of literally every Friend she has met, including Pigeon which she just met but wanted to include her, and that immediately screamed maximum danger, as I thought there would be a huge army of Ceruleans shaped like the Friends, this is where things got interesting.

Episode 11, comes this war of Friends vs Ceruleans shaped like them, blah blah blah...

Episode 12 came and NOW LET’S TALK ABOUT THE ENDING!

THE ENDING, I.... TAKE A LOOK AT THIS!

Then there’s the post-credits scene:

My face during the very end:

................................................................................................................................................................................................can somebody explain to me what the fuck just happened?

That Kaban-chan and Serval scene........ how could they do this to me.... and I don’t mean it in a good way.... Then that drawing with Mirai and two other Japari Park workers...................

THEY JUST MADE KABAN-CHAN SUFFER!!! ;_;

AND THEN THAT JAPARI PARK FRIENDS DRAWING, WHO ARE THE OTHER TWO WORKERS, MIRAI GETS TO CAMEO, EVERYTHING AAAAAAAAAAAAA

FUCK... THAT!!!

Sure, these moments should bring hype and I should be happy that they did this, the Kaban-chan and Serval scene and the drawing, but it won’t work for me, Kemono Friends 2 tries really hard to redeem itself with hype-worthy moments like these, they just won’t make up for this irredeemable garbage.

Now, I wasn’t a douche on watching the entire series, there are some moments that I found genuinely interesting, had some laughs and made me smile (probably out of confusion, I have problems smiling even on inappropiate shit), the models perfectly capture Mine Yoshizaki’s art style, but without disrespecting Tatsuki, at the same time the models feel lifeless compared to the first season’s.

One thing I don’t understand about the designs is that I’ve seen people in 4chan blaming Tomason for the lazy designs and stuff, or something like that because I’ve seen them use “they” and I don’t really think they’re referring to Yoshizaki, they must have been really referring to Tomason, and that’s not true, Mine Yoshizaki does all of the Friends’ designs, and please don’t call some of them lazy, don’t disservice the man.

Then there are also the next episode previews made by Kikuchi Milo featuring the characters from the first season. Because of Crested Ibis’ minor appearance in episode 9, now I kind of wish the Friends from the first season to show up in the series, not just the next episode previews.

There were also two ED themes, which I find it bizarre that a one-cour series changes theme songs.

We never got to learn more about the Beast character though, she was like an underdeveloped Friend and she behaved more like a genuine tiger animal or something, we never get to learn her origin, or even her race.

Boy, this review turned out way better than I expected, I had a lot of fun writing about this soulless pile of trash. I hope the Welcome to Japari Park finale will help me forget this shit, let’s see how it would build up to the first season of Kemono Friends given that it’s a prequel and this is really old footage, I’m sure there must be how the future of the series got set up or something.

This might have been the most brutal anime review I’ve ever written but it’s the truth.

Watch Kemono Friends 3 get announced but inb4 it could be an adaptation of the mobile/arcade game of the same name instead of following the anime’s overarching story.

Though I think if Kemono Friends 3 happens, it could still be a continuation of the anime's story and it has nothing to do with the mobile/arcade game of the same name. It could be a similar situation with Welcome to Japari Park where there's a manga and a short series and they're both totally unrelated.

To conclude this series review, let me just say this:

Kemono Friends 2 is the Pacific Rim: Uprising of anime.

0/10 - Rank: E - 0% 🔥 🔥 🔥 Hail Hydra (or in this case Hail Kadokawa) No Tatsuki, No Tanoshii

Fuck you, Kadokawa. 🖕

Fall 2018 ongoing:

At last, ongoing anime from the previous season, I wasn’t having this streak lately and it was about time I had it.

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Golden Wind: JoJo Part 5 continues to be strong. There’s not much to add but I got some small things to say: When I’m 4chan threads, seeing screenshots of Part 4 makes me realize that Part 4 is the WORST looking and poorly produced part out of all the rest, thankfully Part 5 looks way better.

Since I was so accostumed on how the characters sound like in All Star Battle and Eyes of Heaven, the new voices have definitely grown on me now.

Also, how does King Crimson work?

Ace Attorney season 2: I genuinely had this post written with JoJo as the only ongoing Fall 2018 anime alone and somehow I have forgotten about Ace Attorney despite still watching the series. I feel like I enjoyed the Bridge to the Turnabout episodes a lot more.

I felt like this second season has genuinely given me a little bit of a sour taste in my mouth unlike the first season, which it definitely lead me to drop the series, but I didn’t drop it completely, I have picked it up again around episode 10 because I felt bad.

Now, let’s start talking about the Spring season, and why is this going to be the best anime season yet? Well...

1.- Kimestu no Yaiba - April 6: I’M SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS ONE! Ahem, well, to tell you the truth, I just love being wowed by Ufotable’s fantastic visuals. I’m definitely checking this one blindly, I feel like this is something I should read the manga because I’m starting to feel like it could be an unfaithful narrative mess, and it’s already making me sad. But is Ufotable the type of studio to go off the rails and completely butcher the story? (Probably God Eater as people say but I don’t really see what’s with the hate and why is it offensively bad, I played God Eater Burst long afterwards, though. Call me an Ufotable stan if you want, but I really don’t see any problem with God Eater even when I binged it years ago, aside from a bit of animation hiccups (probably the/my first with (modern) Ufotable having a bit of hiccups) but I don’t mind it, I just enjoyed the way it is; people are gonna tell me this too and I’d be like totally disagreeing their opinions, refusing to seek the reality; I’d love to rush my ass off and read the manga like I did with One Punch Man, My Hero Academia and Monster Musume but I’m just so lazy to do it now, and I can’t read manga with over 100 chapters long.)

I always watch a lot of anime without even reading the manga first, even I don’t read JoJo (Even though I know some of the biggest spoilers from every part through the games) and Mob Psycho 100, but for some reason Kimetsu no Yaiba feels like a huge deal for me, I wish I couldn’t let the opportunity of reading the manga first go to waste, yet, I’m here about to watch the anime. I wish I could have realized this sooner.

Anyways, enough of that insane talk and wouldn’t boost hype confidence, I’m still going to enjoy it regardless how the story goes and the music might be something worth praising because the composers are fucking Yuki Kajiura and Go Shiina, animation and visuals are no surprise worth of praise , I’m just ready to watch Ufotable’s next big TV project since Katsugeki: Touken Ranbu. (yes, there was 2018′s Emiya-san chi no Kyou no Gohan but it was a monthly series and each episode was 12 minutes long, so it’s not kind of a big deal; then there’s also the Heaven’s Feel movie trilogy (loved the second movie (even though I’m an anime only, I’m legit scared of Gavin and other kinds of elitists now; even though he unfollowed me)), but like I said, TV project)

As of March 27th, I read some news that Ufotable is under investigation over tax evasion and now I’ve grown way concerned than I was. It may not affect the releases of Kimetsu no Yaiba and even Fate/Stay Night Heaven’s Feel III but I just don’t want to see Ufotable close. After Kimetsu no Yaiba come out, let’s see how Ufotable will do.

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Quick update, I HAVE read the first three chapters, it’s relatively solid and given on the scenes I’ve seen in the trailers, I do believe Ufotable is going to make a pretty good job on adapting the series faithfully narratively.

But most importantly so far, I hope Ufotable will do justice this panel! Which I had posted this on my Kemono Friends 2 series review.

Bones disappointed me with the anime version of Mina’s “NO WAY” scene from My Hero Academia, and I hope Ufotable won’t do the same, I want a perfect recreation of that Tanjiro face.

Here’s the comparison below:

Anime:

Manga:

Do you agree on this? (If you don’t, it’s fine, don’t worry about it)

UPDATE - April 13th:

UFOTABLE, YOU FUCKING BLEW IT!!! GET BANKRUPT!!!

I changed my mind about Bones with the Mina “NO WAY!” part, it actually looks faithfully recreated, UNLIKE UFOTABLE.

(Alright, I gotta stop updating this post constantly with what’s happening right now)

RELATED: What will Ufotable’s final release be?

2.- One Punch Man season 2 - April 2nd: I’ve said this before and I will say it again, I’m NOT expecting OPM S2 to be any good and I’m NOT looking forward to it, even if I say that, I’m still going to watch it, regardless, but I’m not very hopeful for the visuals (Man, all I ever care about in anime is the visuals, I don’t give a crap of the story, I just want good animation!).

Since the release date is revealed to be April 2nd, which is Tuesday, I’m going to miss the good old One Punch Man Sundays when the first season came out, but Tuesdays are a good day for anime, so it’s worth it.

Well, I wrote that sentence literally like a day or two, and a new visual got revealed, it looks clean but it’s already not gonna look like that, very S1-like, given the first teaser trailer released. That aside, Viz Media confirmed that it will be premiered on April 9th on Hulu (RIP Daisuki.net), which that’s on Saturday, so that’s close on the good old OPM Sundays 4 years ago.

Actually, I’m pretty split on that information, in one hand, the official Twitter account tweeted the visual with the April 2nd release, but in the other, Viz Media tweeted that it comes out in the 9th and calls it “the same day as Japan” and “ Details and availability regarding the April 2nd special programming in our territory are currently unavailable.”, I’m so confused.

(Sorry, this post has been in progress for the entire Winter season and I’m writing stuff I was currently experiencing at the time)

March 18th, the second trailer dropped and somehow I’m kind of alright with it, still not super impressed but at least it’s kind of something. But the biggest let-down is the new opening theme by JAM Project revealed in the trailer which it’s not as great as THE HERO. I’m a bigger fan of the way THE HERO is, I’m probably the more upbeat type of person, and with this? I don’t want something calm, I wanted a more action packed song! I hadn't payed a lot of attention to the editing of the trailer with the black screens, but yeah, it's so bad.

The more I think about the trailer and seeing people’s reactions, I’m starting to think it’s really looking like absolute ass than I previously mentioned, so I couldn’t agree more. But hey, at least I love seeing some of the jokes and memes related to the trailer.

I thought I had to wait until AnimeJapan to drop the trailer but they decided to do it now.

I now understand what’s with the April 2nd and April 9th releases. The April 2nd release is going to be more like an special of sorts and next week is when the series for real starts. It’s the same issue I had with Kemono Friends 2, but that was unpredictable at the time, so with One Punch Man, I can totally wait for next week. (At the time of posting this, the day has come)

3.- Attack on Titan season 3 second cour - April 28th: It’s seriously been like annoyingly forever after the first cour ended in Fall 2018, but I’m finally it’s going to continue.

I still don’t know what took so long, but whatever.

4.- Isekai Quartet - April 9th: From what I see now, this is going to be more like a show with different isekai projects focused as sketches or something, I randomly thought it would be a crossover but apparently it’s not the case. Regardless, I’m still going to watch and enjoy the way it is.

By the time I saw its announcement, I immediately went to binge Re:Zero, I have seen Youjo Senki, Overlord and Kono Suba, so I needed to watch Re:Zero so I can be complete or something.

Since I write this post as time goes on, the trailer for Isekai Quartet has released and indeed it is a crossover like I wanted!

5.- Girls’ Frontline comedy anime short - ???: It appears that we’re getting our first Girls’ Frontline anime and it’s a comedy which it’s even cooler.

The trailer was first revealed on a BiliBili livestream on January for Chinese audiences, then a few days later, there was another livestream taken place in VTuber Nekomiya Hinata’s channel for Japanese audiences, where they showed off the same trailer but one frame of new footage and then there’s a new trailer for another Girls’ Frontline anime, that’s right, we don’t have just one, but two different Girls’ Frontline comedy anime, this one’s focused on the AR Team and 404, and the other one has a variety of T-Dolls featured, but the former is the bigger focus here.

What I find rather surprising about this short anime is that ever since they showed the trailer on said livestreams, there’s no official upload of the trailer, not a whole lot of news sites reported about this, and not even a full release date after two months. I thought there would be more information on AnimeJapan 2019 but there was nothing in sight.

So I guess I’ll have to wait until April to see if this will indeed come out, it could be a surprise release not everyone is going to notice or it might be delayed to Summer. Nevertheless, I’m excited to see this one, and the other one too but I prefer this one with the AR Team and 404 the most.

By the way, thanks for tagging me twice on these Girls’ Frontline anime, Moetron. I’m happy that I let you know these trailers exist. Here, have this powerful image of G11 meditating.

6.- Fruits Basket remake - April 5th: I never watched the original Fruits Basket and I’ve been seeing a lot of announcements about returning English voice actors and stuff, I dunno why but I’m thinking the remake could be overhyped with all this stuff, but I’m sure it’s still going to be enjoyable for the people who read the manga, who watched the original anime series and newcomers alike.

Speaking of the manga, I wondered why is there a need for a remake now, one of my friends told me that there could be an actual ending of the series since the original anime prematuredly ended when the manga was still going at the time, so I believe the remake might add the manga’s ending or something, I don’t know anything about it but it sounds like a likely thing to happen.

7.- Miru Tights - May 11th: There isn’t much to comment on this one, but it’s interesting because it’s basically Yom the anime. Yep, the man of the thights is getting an anime. Who would knew one day this would happen? Also, it comes out on May 11th, it’s kind of an unusual date even for a web series.

8.- 四月一日さん家の (Watanuki-san Chi No) - April 19th: After Virtual-san wa Miteiru, it seems like the anime industry wouldn’t give up on start making anime with VTubers now.

Unlike Virtual-san wa Miteiru, this one’s not really classified as “anime”, it’s more like a drama as its official Twitter account says or something. Well, at least this show stars Tokino Sora as one of the three leads, so it’ll be interesting. Though I’m not sure anyone would really like to torrent this but at the same time it’d be a waste not to.

9.- Bungou Stray Dogs season 3 - April 12th: I’ve watched the first two seasons of the show in December 2017, then watched the movie in my cinema with my older sister on her birthday, I’m definitely quite a fan of the series, not completely hardcore as I need to read the manga, but I’m fine for now. Anyways, I’m glad there’s a third season happening and can’t wait to see it.

There was originally going to be a Chiitan anime this Spring but it got delayed to Summer. And yeah, you read that right, a Chiitan anime.

HONORABLE MENTION (Since that just happened): Pop Team Epic special: I genuinely forgot a special was going to occur on April 1st (being April Fools), but I’m glad I watched it and still loved it like the base series and now I want season 2.

Thanks for reading this post, this must have been the longest post I’ve ever made yet for so many reasons. What’s your most anticipated anime of the season?

Twitter: @HKomaeda.

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tardisgirlepic · 7 years

Text

Ch. 1: “The Lie of the Land” Analysis Doctor Who S10-8: The Land of Fiction in the Library Metaphor, Trojan Horse & More Star Trek

NOTE:

TPEW = “The Pyramid at the End of the World” TRODM = “The Return of Doctor Mysterio” THORS = “The Husbands of River Song” CAL = Charlotte Abigail Lux, the little girl from the Library

Nightmares Are Real: Don’t Trust What You Think You Know

There are multiple fake outs going on in “The Lie of the Land” beyond what the episode wants us to believe in the canon. Don’t trust what you think you know about it. We really are experiencing things from CAL’s point of view, where CAL, of course, is a mirror for the Doctor/Master. Her real world was a lie and the nightmares were real. Did you catch the Library metaphor?

Furthermore, did you catch the “fiction factory” sign, which is shown below (red arrow)? If you missed it, there are other ways to tell this episode is not what it seems. I’ll show you some examples of how to tell what we think we know to be true is actually a lie. BTW, this is the first time I remember DW actually putting the “fiction” word in print in this way.

One wrong thing in the image above is the binocular-type vision. Nardole is looking out the window without binoculars, so this image is wrong. It’s just one of many examples of the subtle wrongness in this episode versus the glaring wrongness in the previous one.

Because things don’t necessarily look ridiculous, like in TPEW, DW can lull us into believing what we are told. It’s psychological manipulation, just like what the Doctor, Bill, and Nardole are experiencing.

Don’t fall for it. I’ll show you in a few minutes how this is all connected to a mind-bending, Classic Who story from the 2nd Doctor. It’s the original Library story.

All of this is so cool in a way because Moffat and company are showing us, instead of telling us, so we can experience the difficulties the Doctor and everyone else are having.

However, it’s scary at the same time. For me, psychological horror is the scariest type of horror, so the 10th Doctor episode “Midnight” is the scariest episode: possession and a witch hunt – mob mentality. But that’s what the 12th Doctor’s arc is partially about, as the “Midnight” episode tells us.

Curve Balls for Season 10: Musical Mirrors & Faces

“The Lie of the Land” is one of the most complex episodes ever when it comes to subtext. There are multiple fake outs going on with multiple Doctors and multiple mirrors. Sorting it all out isn’t easy. And there isn’t time enough from week to week to give you more than the most important issues on any of the episodes, let alone get into some extremely complicated issues.

On top of that, we are dealing with the 12th Doctor and the complex issues that come with him.

In fact, back in my Chapter 14 of Fairytales and Romance in Doctor Who, which was my first chapter of my post-airing analysis for “The Return of Doctor Mysterio,” I gave some reasons why the 12th Doctor is the most complicated. Here’s what I said:

Capaldi’s Doctor is the most complicated of them all, and here are some reasons why:

· The 12th Doctor is the culmination of several storylines

· The story is non-linear, especially with the 12th Doctor helping to time lock the Time War before we saw his regeneration. He is playing multiple roles in more challenging ways. I’m including his character in Pompeii, who was actually the Doctor, living as a human.

· 12 o’clock is a time for transformation in many horror stories and fairytales

· The 12th Doctor is going through the Great Work and is changing without regenerations, so it’s harder to see that upon integration with a companion, he has a newborn consciousness.

· He is the composite of multiple integrations with companions in an arc, rather than just an episode.

· He is a three-fold man (3 hidden faces)

· His timeline is going backwards

I forgot to add gender change to the list above when I wrote it.

Now, not only do we have all of this, but also Season 10 is on steroids with complications. I haven’t mentioned this before due to not only the lack of time, but also I wanted to get experience with how Season 10 episodes were constructed to give you the best picture of what is happening.

There are tons of curve balls and fast balls coming at us right from the start in Season 10, which is why in my previous analysis on TPEW, I said don’t start with your own subtext analysis in Season 10. Start with seasons 8 and 9, especially if you are a beginner.

Not only do we have the list of complications above, but also we have multiple versions of not just the Doctor, but also Bill and Nardole. I’ll get to Missy and the fake out with her.

Then, we have overloaded mirrors. For example, Bill is playing the Doctor and all of the companions that I listed back in my analysis on “The Pilot.” Clara represented all the companions too, as “The Name of the Doctor” shows us.

However, Bill is different in that one minute she can be the Doctor, the next River, the next after that Ace, and then Donna, etc. Nardole is the same way, and so is the Doctor. Everyone is playing someone you might not expect, unless you read the subtext clues.

This is so different from what has come before. Therefore, Season 10 is a test of our subtext-reading skills. Many of the normal subtext cues, for the most part, aren’t there. Instead, they are replaced with other metaphors that have been mentioned previously, but not or rarely used. Or there are new metaphors to understand, like the Eye of Harmony on the Doctor’s desk. Or there are references to other episodes that require knowledge of those to figure out who is playing whom.

It’s musical mirrors and faces. I’ll give you some examples in a bit.

BTW, I call someone a face of the Doctor when they have been defined as a Doctor in the subtext. These people aren’t just mirrors, who have some similar characteristics. As an example, Erica from TPEW was assigned 2 numbers, representing Doctors 29 and 30, but also as reinforcement she is associated with the Greek Cross. In another example, Bill has numbers assigned to her that can change, just like any Doctor. Clara, River, Amy, Rory, and Wilfred (Donna’s grandfather) for example, all have had numbers assigned to them.

Moffat and company intentionally want to make reading subtext extremely difficult for Season 10, so the surprises aren’t spoiled. Additionally, with Capaldi leaving, that’s just crunching everything further into really cryptic episodes. There’s a lot of story left to tell, so I imagine that we will get a big data dump in the next 4 episodes before the Christmas special.

I mentioned fastballs. I feel like I’m a batter at the plate being thrown both curve balls and fastballs and I have to try to keep up. Normally, things don’t happen this quickly in the subtext like they are. A great deal of patience is usually required to see things play out and pay off, like over months and years. But this rapid pace of the subtext is just another complication of the 12th Doctor because he is the focus of the very long DW story. Things transform when the clock strikes 12.

How This Affects My Thinking

You may recognize the term “mind palace” from Sherlock. If you don’t watch the series, Sherlock Holmes, when he thinks deeply, goes into his mind palace mode to think. When he does this, the show projects his thoughts in mid air. He is deeply concentrating and has to have no other distractions. It’s pretty cool because you can watch him recognizing patterns, rearranging thoughts by using his hands, connecting the dots, shoving some ideas away with his hands, etc. Of course, it’s all in his mind.

That analogy is very similar to what I do.

If I weren’t writing these analyses, I would be deeply pondering some things against what I already know. It’s like I run simulations in my head of various situations and how they play out. It’s hard to explain, but this is an analogy of how I deeply contemplate the subtext ideas within my mind. I run through all my relevant hypotheses, conclusions, and things that are just ideas, which I haven’t made any hypotheses about them yet. I test things, shoving some ideas out while refining others. Then, I go back to re-watch whatever episodes are necessary to test any hypotheses, new ideas, etc. to see how they hold up. It’s a very iterative process, so I do that over and over.

However, writing these analyses takes up all my spare time, and I have limited time to explain the main points, as it is, in ways that hopefully are understandable. That takes a bit of planning. By going through the exercise of writing all of this out for you, I now realize that I think about the really deep stuff on a totally different level than I do with these analyses. And since I want to get at least some sleep and not have my brain explode trying to do both levels, I have no time to ponder some big questions. I would be re-watching some previous episodes, too, to check out a few things.

Dreams Quandary, the 2-Year-Old Simulation Idea & the Game

A couple of years ago, I was in a quandary about how DW was going pull off all the dreaming. My daughter and I had numerous discussions about the problems of having the Doctor in dreams the whole time. Missy’s statement about Clara from the Season 8 episode “Death in Heaven” got me thinking.

MISSY: Cos she's perfect, innit? The control freak and the man who should never be controlled. You'd go to hell if she asked. And she would. The phone's ringing, Doctor. Can you hear that? Now that is the sound of your chain being yanked. Heel, Doctor! (as Clara) Help me, Doctor. Help me. Help me, Doctor.

How would you control a man who should never be controlled? You keep him unaware of his situation in an altered reality. However, the altered reality can’t be all dreams, as in normal dreaming. It can’t be something that doesn’t count in the end. The Doctor has to be learning all along. Otherwise, it would cheapen the whole experience.

I came up with an idea back then that I want to throw out to you. I don’t know if this is the case. Well, part of it just became canon this season, but it’s the rest of it that may or may not be correct.

After “Death in Heaven,” I came up with the idea of that the Doctor was in a simulation, which has now become canon, but that’s not all. The simulation keeps him in an altered reality while he tries to learn how not to blow up the universe. It’s like a flight simulator game, where you learn how not to crash a plane. He’s being tested through a game. Sure, we’ve seen the Test of Shadows, but my thoughts went way beyond that. This test could be the endpoint of his journey, or it could be one of the nested altered realities.

Is this the case? This is one of the big questions I would run through my deep mental analysis, given all the new Season 10 information, if I weren’t writing these analyses.

The idea of this being a game comes up in multiple places, including the latest in “Extremis,” and it goes all the way back to a very important 2nd Doctor episode.

“Extremis”

DOCTOR: Goodbye to the truth? I came a long way to read that book! Two thousand years at the last count. If you don't want me to read it, you could have stopped me any time you wanted. Why the play acting? This is not a game. (The figure opens its mouth, and a voice is heard. This might not mean anything to you, but the voice is provided by Tim Bentinck, 12th Earl of Portland, better known to millions as David Archer...) MONK: This is a game.

Later, the Doctor talks about a game with Bill:

BILL: The numbers. I said them, too.

DOCTOR: I know. So did I. The trouble is, when simulants develop enough independent intelligence to realise what they are, there's a risk they'll rebel. Those deaths, they weren't suicide. Those were people escaping. It's like, er, Super Mario figuring out what's going on, deleting himself from the game because he's sick of dying.

“The Long Game,” “Bad Wolf,” & “Parting of the Ways”

The Game Station on Satellite Five plays a huge role in three 9th Doctor episodes, “The Long Game,” “Bad Wolf,” and “Parting of the Ways.”

Here’s what the TARDIS Wikia says about Satellite Five:

Satellite Five was a space station in Earth orbit circa the year 199,909. It was a hallmark of the Fourth Great and Bountiful Human Empire, though the reputation that was built up about the satellite across time and space was not what it appeared to be. Satellite Five was deliberately framed in eyes of the public as an innocent technological vestige of humanity to turn their attention away from the ideas it could be subject to corruption, which let its controllers secretly manipulate Earth into a subservient dictatorship. It served as the centre of two major conflicts that threatened the welfare of the planet below, while the residents of Earth were never made aware of the truths behind the facade.

This sounds suspiciously like what is happening with the Monks. Except the Daleks are behind the Game Station. Here we are back at the idea that Daleks are involved. We looked at that in multiple chapters in Fairytales and Romance in Doctor Who.

However, check out something in “The Lie of the Land.” There is a Greek Cross on the wall (red arrow) in the image with the Daleks being blown up by the Monks. Once again, the subtext is saying the Doctor’s body is a Dalek, which is what “Into the Dalek” subtext says. When we examined this, I asked the question is it literal or metaphorical, like the blindness? There’s also a sign on the back wall (white arrow) that is shaped like an “Into the Dalek” sign, although it’s not the Aristotle, the ship the episode took place on.

Heather in “The Pilot” looked like a Dalek at one point, and she is a mirror of the Doctor, which we examined.

“War Games”

“War Games” is the last 2nd Doctor episode and my favorite 2nd Doctor episode, although I haven’t seen very many of his. We see people in various wars, like the American Civil War and WWI. Different time zones are overseen by the War Lords, who kidnap large numbers of human soldiers in order to create an army to conquer the galaxy. The War Chief is a Time Lord, as the Doctor at the end discovers. The Time Lords accuse the Doctor of breaking their laws of non-interference, and he gets punished – sentenced to regenerate and live on Earth without a working TARDIS, which is similar to where he starts with Season 10.

The opening of “The Magician’s Apprentice,” where we see young Davros, opens on Skaro with technology from different time periods. It’s most likely a reference to “War Games.”

The Monks’ and Doctor’s Simulations

Both the Doctor and the Monks are running simulations to test each other.

Back in “Extremis,” the Doctor was talking to Bill about the Veritas’ Test of Shadows:

DOCTOR: Yes. Let's bring the story up to date, Bill. Imagine an alien life form of immense power and sophistication, and it wants to conquer the Earth. So it runs a simulation. A holographic simulation of all of Earth's history and every person alive on the surface. A practice Earth, to assess the abilities of the resident population. Especially the ones smart enough to realise that they are just simulants inside a great big computer game.

There’s testing going on to assess abilities, and the Doctor mentions a game, again.

In TPEW, the Doctor tells Bill:

DOCTOR: Funny thing, fear, isn't it? Once it rules you, you're even afraid to admit what's scaring you. For the record, I, for one, fully understand my weakness.

Later, he tells her:

DOCTOR: Well, every trap you walk into is a chance to learn about your enemies. Impossible to set a trap without making a self-portrait of your own weaknesses.

The Doctor has been running his own simulations.

All 3 Monk episodes “Extremis,” TPEW, and “The Lie of the Land” contain simulations and the Library metaphor, so we are back in the Library even if it doesn’t look like it.

The Library Has a Huge Presence

We’ve examined in numerous chapters how this is all about the Library since the subtext always ends up leading back to it, along with leading back to the Romans and even to the Vikings. The Library shows up in multiple ways in this episode, one of which is much easier to spot than the others.

In “Silence in the Library” and “Forest of the Dead,” we saw CAL in 3 different Library settings. The first setting was the part the Doctor, River, and Donna were in at the beginning. CAL thought of herself as a girl, but from the 10th Doctor and Donna’s perspective, CAL really was a security camera, floating in the air.

The second setting that we saw her in was as a girl in her dreams at home with her dad and Doctor Moon. The third setting showed CAL and her actualized face as part of the control node of the computer. In effect, she was a cyborg. Therefore, we can expect to see multiple settings with the Doctor and friends.

Before we get to the 3 very important Library metaphors in “The Lie of the Land,” I want to show you how all of this is related to the Classic Who story “The Mind Robbers.”

The Library Metaphor in “The Mind Robber” & the Land of Fiction

“The Mind Robber,” a 2nd Doctor episode, is one of the shocking surprises I got last September or early October timeframe in 2016 when I went back to watch some Classic Who to find out if it all connected to nuWho.

The Library Metaphor, CAL, and so much that has been happening is based on this episode, where we see the Land of Fiction. It’s a different type of mind-bending story that goes right along with the fiction factory sign in “The Lie of the Land,” Medusa, and what is happening to the 12th Doctor and company.

This 2nd Doctor episode is a great example of how we can go back to any episode in DW and see how it connects to the very long story from DW’s start in 1963.

The TARDIS Wikia says

To escape from the volcanic eruption on Dulkis, the Second Doctor uses an emergency unit. It moves the TARDIS out of normal time and space. The travellers find themselves in an endless void where they are menaced by white robots.

Having regained the safety of the TARDIS, they believe they have escaped — until the ship explodes. They find themselves in a land of fiction, where they are hunted by life-size clockwork soldiers and encounter characters like Rapunzel, the Karkus, and Swift's Lemuel Gulliver.

This domain is presided over by a man known only as the Master — a prolific English writer from 1926 — who in turn is controlled by a Master Brain computer. The Master is desperate to escape and wants the Doctor to take his place, while the Master Brain plans to take over the Earth.

The Doctor engages the Master in a battle of wills using fictional characters. Zoe and Jamie overload the Master Brain. In the confusion, the White Robots destroy the computer, freeing the Master.

Oddly, the person called the Master in this episode is not considered the Master, who, 2 seasons later in 1971, was portrayed by Roger Delgado, the person considered to be the 1st Master.

As far as I know, because I haven’t watched all the Classic Who episodes before it, this episode is the original Library metaphor episode. Both the Doctor and Master have been kidnapped although many years apart. The Master is hooked up to the computer (the Master Brain) in the Library, and he wants to get free. Both the Master and the computer, who rules the Master, want the Doctor to take the Master’s place.

The Doctor and his 2 companions, Zoe and Jamie, find a world of giant word puzzles, and fictional people, along with a bunch of children. They end up going through a maze containing the Minotaur, another reference to “The God Complex” and Icarus that we’ve looked at multiple times. They find the Master, but end up behind glass.

Check out this dialogue and the familiar imagery:

JAMIE: It's hard to see anything. DOCTOR: Where are you?

MASTER: Here, patiently waiting. (A door of hexagonal glass panels opens and Zoe, Jamie and the Doctor enter. A White Robot stands guard. The Master seats at his console, and now we see his face we can also see a large glass globe with filaments spinning behind him. The Master is an elderly bearded gentleman in velvet jacket and skull cap, wearing half-moon reading glasses. The skull cap has wires connecting it to the globe.)

Here are the hexagons on the glass doors, denoting that the Doctor on the right along with Jamie and Zoe are prisoners. You can see the symbology was set up long ago, so you can go back to the beginning and use the information I’ve been giving you to read the subtext.

MASTER: Oh Doctor, this is a great pleasure. And your two young companions. Now let me see. Oh yes, yes, yes. Zoe and Jamie. I have your dossiers here in front of me. ZOE: You appear to be very well organised. MASTER: Oh yes, indeed. We have to be. The running of this place requires enormous attention to detail. It's a responsible position, but very rewarding. DOCTOR: Responsible, huh? To someone else? MASTER: Not to someone. Another power. Higher than you could begin to imagine. Oh, I must congratulate you on the great skill in which you tackled the various stages of your examination.

Who or what is this Master Brain computer? I’m betting we are going to find out the corresponding Master Brain in Season 10. Is the Master Brain the Monk in the chair in “The Lie of the Land”? There are 12 Monks, relating to the 12th Doctor.

DOCTOR: What is the purpose of all these tests?

Here’s a reference to tests. This doesn’t sound like what I envisioned 2 years ago, though.

MASTER: Well, do you know, when I was first brought here myself, I was as bewildered as you are. JAMIE: Well, how long have you been here? MASTER: I left England in the summer of nineteen twenty-six. It was a very hot day, I remember. I think I must have dozed off over my desk, and when I awoke. Oh, but that' a long story. Did you ever hear of the Adventures of Captain Jack Harkaway? (written by Frank Richards, a pseudonym of Charles Harold St. John Hamilton.)

Not only do we see clockwork soldiers in this story, like we’ve seen in nuWho, but also the year 1926 comes up again, which we looked at in my TPEW analysis. I totally forgot about this story referring to 1926. I knew it came up somewhere else but couldn’t remember which one.

As we saw in TPEW, this not only ties back into the 3rd Doctor story “Carnival of Monsters” with the miniscope and manipulation of emotions, but also it ties back into the 1926 novella by the Austrian writer Arthur Schnitzler book, is called Rhapsody: A Dream Novel, also known as Dream Story. And Amy Pond ties into that, as well.

My hypothesis is that 1926 keeps coming up because the date was originally taken from the publication of the novella.

DOCTOR: No, I can't say that I. Wait a minute, a serial in a boys' magazine? MASTER: The Ensign. DOCTOR: The Ensign. MASTER: And for twenty five years, I delivered five thousand words every week.

1926 + 25 years = 1951 not 1968 when this story of DW was broadcast. Of course, we could be back in time. However, some things, along with the wrong date, are telling us that we can’t trust what we are seeing. It didn’t quite happen this way. Besides, this is an outline episode. As you can see, nuWho is greatly expanding on this.

DOCTOR: You are a writer. ZOE: Twenty-five years, five thousand words a week. Well, that's well over half a million words. MASTER: Yes, yes. It was probably some kind of record. Anyway, that was why I was selected to work here.

The whole writer concept is so interesting. This comes back to the Doctor being Shakespeare, River writing as Melody Malone, and Amy writing as Amelia Williams. Interestingly, we have our 3 faces of the Doctor. The Doctor is making Bill write, too. She also is a face of the Doctor.

JAMIE: And you're the one that's in charge of all of this? MASTER: In one sense, yes. DOCTOR: Or is all this in charge of you? MASTER: My brain is the source of the creative power which keeps this operation going. DOCTOR: I see. That means that you are virtually a prisoner. MASTER: Oh, no. No, no, no. (The globe glows.)

The Master is lying about being a prisoner. He’s hooked up to the computer, and for whatever reason, he can’t unhook the electrodes, like the Doctor does later. This is another example of why we can’t trust what we see.

MASTER: You, you, you must excuse me for a moment. (The Master writes in a large book. We see Resistance is Useless underlined at the top of the page, then Submit your will for the...) JAMIE: Come on, Doctor, let's get out of here. ZOE: Yes, let's. It gives me the creeps. DOCTOR: No, I need to find out more. JAMIE: Well, look, you keep him talking, and Zoe and me will find another way out. DOCTOR: Jamie, I think it will be safer if we all stick together. (The globe stops glowing and the Master stops writing.) MASTER: Oh, I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting. Now, where were we? DOCTOR: You were about to answer my question. Are you a prisoner here? MASTER: Well, no. No, I wouldn't say that. In fact, I rather like being here. I have everything I could possibly want.

We know this isn’t true since he wants to leave.

(Jamie and Zoe sneak round the back of the globe.) MASTER: This vast library with all the known works of fiction. All the masterpieces written by Earthmen since the beginning of time.

[Library]

(Jamie and Zoe enter a room full of bookcases.) ZOE: I don't think he noticed. JAMIE: No. Let's try down there.

[Control room]

DOCTOR: I see, yes. And only an Earthman type creature has the power to create fiction. The power to imagine. MASTER: Exactly. This is one field in which the intelligence I serve cannot compete. They need man, a man of boundless imagination, as a powerhouse. A lifeline, as you might say. DOCTOR: What is this intelligence you serve, and why was I brought me here? MASTER: Well, as you see, I'm no longer young, where as you, Doctor, are ageless. You exist outside the barriers of time and space.

Needing children for their creative minds is a theme. We saw that in the 10th Doctor episode “School Reunion,” where Sarah Jane shows up in the school with Rose undercover as the dinner lady serving chips. Children are under some kind of alien control, at times, sitting in front of computers.

DOCTOR: And you want me to MASTER: To take over this unique situation. To take my place. DOCTOR: I refuse! (The globe glows and takes over the Master.) MASTER: Refusal is impossible. You are here to serve us. There is no alternative.

The Doctor has no choice, but he never takes the Master’s place. Both are hooked up to the computer.

Master Makes the Doctor a Villain

This 2nd Doctor episode is so similar to what we saw with River’s book, written under the pseudonym Melody Malone, in “The Angels Take Manhattan.” River’s fiction comes alive. When Amy starts reading the passage about Rory with coffee getting snatched, we see it happen. River, too, had to break her wrist to get away from the Weeping Angel because Amy read it in a book. River is mirroring the Master.

Check this out from “The Mind Robber.” The Master is writing something out that is similar to what we’ve heard from the Great Intelligence.

[Control room]

(The Master reads what he has just written.) MASTER: Jamie and Zoe realised at last that the Doctor was in fact the most monstrous and cunning villain. There was no punishment too severe for the crimes that he had committed. (Jamie and Zoe enter with two White Robots.) MASTER: Splendid. Splendid. Come closer, my children. JAMIE: You sent for us, Master? MASTER: Now you know what your friend the Doctor is really like, don't you. ZOE: He is the most monstrous and cunning villain. JAMIE: No punishment is too severe for the crimes he has committed. MASTER: Word perfect. That is why I have sent for you both at this moment of crisis. We need your help. ZOE: Tell us what we must do. MASTER: Well

This seems to go along with the scene in “Extremis” with Missy’s execution. I’ll show you the problem I have with that scene.

The Doctor Becomes Part of the Computer

When the 2nd Doctor becomes part of the computer, check out how similar the goals are of taking over Earth is to what happens in “The Lie of the Land.”

[Control room]

MASTER: The children obeyed perfectly. Their mission is completed. (The Doctor is in a transparent panel with a device over his head, with similar features to the robot's chest panels.) MASTER: And now perhaps we can get down to business. As you refused to take over my post at the controls, we have been forced to incorporate you into the computer itself. DOCTOR: To what purpose? MASTER: To bring the whole planet Earth under our control.

Controlling the Doctor controls planet Earth, just like in “The Lie of the Land.”

DOCTOR: And it's people? MASTER: We have no wish to destroy them. Merely adjust their minds to suit our purpose.

Wow, this adjustment of minds, a.k.a. brainwashing, is very similar to “The Lie of the Land,” as well Doctor Moon’s brainwashing in “Silence in the Library” and “Forest of the Dead”!

DOCTOR: Sausages. Man will just become like a string of sausages, all the same. MASTER: Man will simply vanish from the Earth and reappear here.

Unless there is some type of teleporter or extraordinary superpowers, simply vanishing from Earth and reappearing in this Land of Fiction suggests that this is all part of a computer network.

DOCTOR: Leaving the Earth undamaged and uninhabited for you to take over.

Earth, of course, can be the Doctor. I liken it to CAL emptying her mind of living minds.

MASTER: Precisely. DOCTOR: If I cooperate. MASTER: You have no alternative. You are part of the Master Brain. DOCTOR: So the computer feeds off my thoughts, does it? MASTER: Correct. DOCTOR: Then it will create what I think. MASTER: Oh, no. No, no, no, no. You're now under the control of the Master Brain. DOCTOR: Are you so sure? You couldn't control my mind before, and you certainly can't control it now. MASTER: Submit! DOCTOR: No! You've given me equal power. It's now a battle of wits between me and you. (The Doctor concentrates hard.) MASTER: Oh, no. No, no! Stop! Stop! DOCTOR: Jamie, Zoe, can you hear me? Think for yourselves. Don't be afraid. You can open the book. Go on, you can do it. MASTER: Oh, oh dear. This is against everything we ever worked for. Warning! Warning! Emergency Action. Emergency! Emergency! DOCTOR: Don't worry about fiction. Hang on to real life. You've got to get out. MASTER: Calling White Robots. Guards will enter the control centre. The Master Brain must be protected.

This battle of wits between the Master and Doctor is very similar to the battle of wits between Morbius and the 4th Doctor in “The Brain of Morbius.” In a few minutes, we’ll look more at how Morbius is playing a part of Season 10.

Thoughts Coming to Life, Like Medusa

In “The Mind Robber,” it’s people’s thoughts that can bring characters to life. Also, it’s people’s beliefs that sustain fictional elements that can be deadly. For example, Medusa is a statue that comes to life. She can turn people to stone if they look at her. The Doctor and Zoe end up looking at a mirror showing Medusa’s reflection, which isn’t real, so can’t kill. There is an original Star Trek episode from 1966 called “Shore Leave,” where thoughts can come to life and can seemingly kill.

Here’s an example of how the Doctor and Master are mentally dueling. The Master conjures Cyrano de Bergerac (shown below on the right) while the Doctor creates d'Artagnan, who has a Greek Cross (red arrow), showing he represents a Doctor.

[Battlements]

MASTER [OC]: The famous Cyrano de Bergerac. Remorselessly, Cyrano advanced on those that had dared poke fun at his nose.

[Control room]

DOCTOR: But wait.

[Battlements]

DOCTOR [OC]: He found himself face to face with the fearless musketeer and fearless swordsman D'Artagnan. (The swordfight begins, with stirring background music. They are evenly matched.)

Things escalate. For example, the Master changes Cyrano into Blackbeard with a cutlass, and the Doctor changes d'Artagnan into Sir Lancelot in full armor on a horse. This concept of escalation of weaponry is extremely important. We’ve examined it before. It also comes up in “The Lie of the Land.” We’ll look at it below in relation to “The Lie of the Land.”

1st Doctor

Interestingly, I saw thoughts coming to life all the way back in the 1st Doctor episodes. It was absolutely fascinating to watch the idea of elements being introduced in one episode, only to have them manifest in some real-world way in future episodes.

The 12th Doctor Shows Up in “The Mind Robber”

In “The Mind Robber,” as in many Classic Who episodes, the 12th Doctor shows up, but he is a robot or a bunch of robots. Here is an image below from “The Mind Robber,” where the robots have 12 slots (red arrows) on the backs of their heads in 2 pairs of sixes, suggesting he’s a prisoner. It also suggests there could be 2 of him. This was shocking, too, the first time I went back to Classic Who and saw this over and over. However, it totally meshes with the concepts that we’ve examined both prior to and in Season 10.

For example, in my “Smile” analysis, we saw the Doctor mirroring the Emojibot. We also examined how Rory mirrored Rorybot, who was a sentient robot, in “The Girl Who Waited.” Then, in my “Oxygen” analysis, we saw how the Doctor mirrored the zombie in the spacesuit as well as the suit, itself.

Furthermore, going back to the very first 12th Doctor episode “Deep Breath”, we examined in Chapter 14 of Fairytales and Romance in Doctor Who, the first chapter of the post-airing analysis of “The Return of Doctor Mysterio,” how the Doctor was a mirror of the half-faced man. A cyborg.

While we haven’t examined this before because I wrote about it in my chapter on Religious metaphors, which I have yet to post, the sheriff in “Robot of Sherwood” is also the 12th Doctor. In fact, the 12th Doctor turns up as a robot, cyborg, or Dalek in many nuWho episodes, as well. The sheriff is being controlled because he is connected to gold, which is a big part of TRODM and the insectoid in the big “C” room. We examined that in Chapter 9 of Fairytales and Romance in Doctor Who.

Just about all of the subtext throughout DW shows the 12th Doctor is part of some type of computer.

In “The Mind Robber,” the robots are under the control of both the Master and the Master Brain.

Forests Show Up in the Library Metaphor

Forests show up in a lot of episodes, as part of a theme. However, I’ll only mention a few for lack of time. But keep in mind that there are some others, which are significant to the current story, like the 11th Doctor ghost story “Hide.”

“The Mind Robber”

In this story, forests show up in a couple of ways. There is a pseudo forest of cut timbers, which are made to look like a forest. Also, there is what the story calls a forest of words.

“Silence in the Library” & “Forest of the Dead”

Comparing this to nuWho, we have “Silence in the Library” and “Forest of the Dead” where the numerous books in the Library are the dead forest turned into books. That’s not all, though. In CAL’s dream part, we see forests on the curtains. In the image below, check out the trees on the curtains (red arrow) behind Doctor Moon.

In fact, Doctor Moon is part of CAL. Below is Doctor Moon’s briefcase labeled with CAL. Therefore, he is a face of CAL. He is the virus checker.

Therefore, it’s not surprising that CAL is also associated with the forest on the curtains, as shown below.

“The Lie of the Land”

There are forests in “The Lie of the Land,” too. In the Vault, there is a forest (yellow arrow) behind Missy when she is on the piano.

Not only that, but there is a forest behind the Doctor as he walks around the octagonal djinni cage. The Doctor, being Merlin, is the “wild man in the woods.”

As we examined previously, River is associated with the forest: “the only water in the forest is the river.” I wondered in a previous chapter if Missy is a hidden face of River because River has a reflection on the shop window in the Library. And the “woman in the shop” is Missy.

The Vault is part of the dream, the lie, just like with CAL. The Doctor, here, is in some ways mirroring Doctor Moon. Missy is mirroring CAL. However, not all is as it seems in the here, either, which I’ll get to in a few minutes.

A Couple of Other Things about “The Mind Robber”

Interestingly, in “The Mind Robber,” the Master wrote a serial in The Ensign Magazine called The Adventures of Captain Jack Harkoway. Wow, the name is so close to Captain Jack Harkness! It’s obviously not coincidental.

The Master ends up controlling the Doctor’s companions and offers the Doctor their lives in exchange for his cooperation, so here is the hostage situation.

As you can see, there are a lot of similarities between what we’ve examined so far about the Library and “The Mind Robber.

A Mirroring of the Doctor & River in Her Library Death Scene

I’m sure a lot of people recognized the 12th Doctor and Bill mirroring the scene in the Library with the 10th Doctor and River. Here’s the 12th Doctor tied up in the Library metaphor after the psychic force of the seated monk sent the Doctor flying through the air and knocked him out. He’s awake in the image below as Bill is saying goodbye to him, thinking she will die. Of course, they are mirroring the scene from “Forest of the Dead,” where the 12th Doctor is playing the 10th Doctor, and Bill is playing River. However, this time, the River mirror doesn’t die. The Doctor saves the River mirror in a different way.

The pyramid, therefore, represents the Library metaphor, and the seated monk represents CAL.

The Doctor on TV in Another Library Metaphor & Medusa

The first time we see the Doctor, he is in one of several Library metaphors in the episode. The first metaphor shows that he is in a mostly whitish room on TV in the image below. There are 4 light fixtures (red arrows), the number 4 signifies that he is in the Library metaphor. Also, there is the Truth logo (blue arrow). They both have significance beyond how they might appear.

The Light Fixtures & Medusa

The light fixtures are shaped like upside-down jellyfish. Not only is the jellyfish a sea creature, linked to the 12th Doctor, but also the shape of these jellyfish lights is that of the medusa. In biology, a medusa is one of 2 body types of the creatures in the phylum Cnidaria in which the body is shaped like an umbrella.

In fact, we’ve examined why Medusa is important in 2 other contexts in DW in my analysis of “Extremis.” Here’s the short version below, although I will add some more references below them.

“The Stolen Earth” and “Journey’s End”

One Medusa reference shows up in “The Stolen Earth” and “Journey’s End” as the place – the Medusa Cascade – where the Daleks took the Earth and 26 other planets. The Earth and planets are metaphors for the Doctor and The Ghost.

The Doctor was abducted in TPEW, so he is the stolen Earth and in the Medusa Cascade metaphor. Therefore, this is replaying the episode with the 10th Doctor and Donna.

“Vincent and the Doctor” & Medusa

In “Vincent and the Doctor,” we saw the Greek mythological reference to Medusa with the statue of Perseus holding the decapitated head of Medusa. I wrote

However, Vincent’s Medusa is represented by the blind, invisible Krafayis, who, because he was afraid, lashed out and killed people. The Krafayis is a metaphor for the Doctor along with Vincent, and both represent the 12th Doctor.

The 2-Doctor principle still holds in this episode: one mirrors Vincent and the other the ghostly Krafayis, which the Medusa lights represent.

In “The Lie of the Land,” Bill mirrors Vincent, which we’ll examine more below.

The Truth Logo in the Library

Referencing our image from above once again, the Truth logo has a triangle, which represents the Monks. However, there are 2 lightning bolt type symbols that mirror each other, suggesting 2 sets of people, like we’ve seen before.

They look similar to the rest of Rassilon’s logo from “The Five Doctors,” shown below (red arrow). The 1st Doctor is on the left. Sarah Jane is in the middle, and the 3rd Doctor is on the right.

The Doctor, Bill & Nardole in the Ship’s Library Metaphor with Mold

It’s not until Nardole tells Bill that the Doctor is held on a prison ship that we learn where this Library Metaphor is. The ship actually relates to the Eye of Harmony, like we’ve seen with the Star Whale on the Starship UK.

Because we are dealing with the Library metaphor, and Bill and Nardole are going to rescue the Doctor, Bill is mirroring the 10th Doctor and Nardole is mirroring River. And the 12th Doctor is mirroring CAL. He is also mirroring Doctor Moon in his brainwashing of people.

Bill looks in the window of the door, shown below. It’s a circle, which says that the Doctor is a mind of pure consciousness. He is a ghost and/or in a computer. We know he’s a ghost. Because of all the mirroring, we know he is also inside a computer, like CAL. However, the mirroring isn’t all that supports this conclusion.

Of course, we saw the Doctor and Missy in the Vault with the forest, mirroring the forest in CAL’s Library dream. But that’s still not all that supports the idea that the Doctor, Bill, and Nardole are inside the computer.

Mold in the Library Metaphor

In the image above, there is lots of mold on the walls (red arrow).

Why would the room the Doctor is in contain mold? Obviously, there is a moisture problem, but why? What really is the meaning?

We saw a big mold problem in “Under the Lake” and “Before the Flood” in the submerged underwater mining facility called the Drum. There is also a plague of ghosts.

There was something odd in TRODM where the spaceship the Doctor and Nardole boarded was dripping water from the ceiling. Why? That made me think the ship wasn’t really in space but instead under the water. Regardless of where it was, a plague was involved. Harmony Shoal was creating a plague of possessions and scar-faced people.

Anyway, mold suggests potentially harmful health issues, and the Doctor alludes to this in an interesting way in the conversation after Bill shoots him.

BILL: So you, you, you haven't, you haven't turned. You're not working for them.

DOCTOR: No, of course not. I've spent the last six months planning, and also recruiting all these chaps. Deprogramming them one by one, talking some sense into them. And there's loads of them. I could do with a Strepsil.

Strepsils, a British company, produces remedies for sore throats, nasal congestion, and cold symptoms. Some of their products are anti-bacterial, which is very important since the previous episode said there was a bacterial plague.

The Doctor is saying he has an infection, but it’s only metaphorically bacterial. It’s viral, as in a computer virus.

“The Return of Doctor Mysterio”

The Doctor in TRODM says something that can be taken 2 ways when young Grant sneezes.

DOCTOR: Got a cold there, Grant? YOUNG GRANT: I always get a cold at Christmas. DOCTOR: Me too. Or an invasion.

Of course, the Doctor could be talking about various invasions like the 10th Doctor story “The Christmas Inavasion.” However, he can also be talking about a computer virus.

Bill, Bill’s Mom & the Computer Virus

In “Forest of the Dead,” the Doctor mentions living minds that are trapped inside CAL’s.

DOCTOR: The data core. Over four thousand living minds trapped inside it.

In “The Lie of the Land,” Bill integrates with the seated Monk. She is mirroring River here.

The Doctor once again mentions a living mind. It’s Bill’s. The isolated subroutine, a computer programming term, refers to Bill’s mom. There’s no reason to use the term “subroutine” if we are not talking about a computer.

DOCTOR: She's filling its mind with one pure, uncorrupted, irresistible image. And it's broadcasting it to the world, because it can't help it. All those years you kept her alive inside you, an isolated subroutine in a living mind. Perfect, untouchable. She's a window on the world without the Monks. Absolutely loved, absolutely trusted. And that window is opening everywhere. (All over the world, the word Truth and a loving woman reaching out a hand are being transmitted to the populace. The Memory Police stop trying to manhandle someone into their van.) DOCTOR: A glimpse of freedom. But a glimpse is all you need. The lie is breaking. Bill's mum, you just went viral!

Once again, the term “viral” comes up, which, in this case, can both be a computer virus, and a term signifying just how fast something spreads through a population by being frequently shared among a large number of individuals. It’s all happening in the Library metaphor in the computer.

The Vault: Another Library Metaphor & Missy’s Con

We can’t trust what we see with the Vault. In “Extremis,” we saw the image below with the Doctor, Missy, and the Vault. There is an inverse reflection of the Vault in the water, so things are upside down with it. This scene feels so wrong, too. Things aren’t happening how we think they are.

The Doctor has so many recorded deaths to his name. Why isn’t he the one being executed? Things are running backward in this “Extremis” episode, so don’t trust anything.

Regarding “The Lie of the Land,” if Missy is inside the djinni containment field, who pounded on the Vault doors from the inside? What did she eat for 6 months when no one came to see her? Why is she still there after 6 months since she claims she could have escaped? These don’t make sense unless things aren’t as they seem.

This is all part of the dream anyway in the Library. On top of this, Missy is running a con.

Our 1st Look at Missy: the Gnostics & the Minotaur

When the Doctor and Bill enter the Vault, we see her inside the djinni container. She is playing “Gnossienne No 1” a piano composition by French composer Erik Satie written in the late 19th century. Satie created the term “Gnossienne.” There are actually several Gnossiennes compositions.

It’s an interesting term, which can relate in multiple ways to what we’ve already examined. According to Wikipedia:

The word appears to derive from gnosis. Satie was involved in gnostic sects and movements at the time that he began to compose the Gnossiennes. However, some published versions claim that the word derives from Cretan "knossos" or "gnossus"; this interpretation supports the theory linking the Gnossiennes to the myth of Theseus, Ariadne and the Minotaur. Several archeological sites relating to that theme were famously excavated around the time that Satie composed the Gnossiennes.

We’ve examined the Gnostics, the triad, and the Trinity with regards to Abraxas in my analysis in “Extremis,” and we’ve looked at the Minotaur multiple times. In fact, we’ll examine below how the Doctor breaking Bill’s confidence before she shoots him is an allusion, in part, to “The God Complex,” where we saw the Minotaur.

Interestingly, there is a set of 3 Satie pieces called “Trois Gnossiennes.” Certainly, this does represent the Trinity and the 3 brainstems “Extremis” alluded to.

Missy One Step Ahead of Doctor

When it comes to Missy, the Doctor seems one step or so behind. It’s felt that way from the start. First, he didn’t know whom she was when he met her, which is really strange since the 10th Doctor said he would always know when the Master was near. Then, she’s more of the magician than he is with her parlor tricks of stopping the planes, when he couldn’t even do the disappearing coin trick in the minisode “The Doctor’s Meditation.” Also, she was the architect of controlling him with Clara. Additionally, she gave him an army of people who died for him. He had no idea she was going up and down his timeline uploading minds to her Nethersphere.

Did Missy convert River to a Cyberman, too? I’ve wondered that for a long time.

Anyway, now the Doctor wants to know if Missy has dealt with the Monks before because he needs help.

Is Missy from the future?

The future, present, and past are an example of a triad, a trinity. What if we have past, present, and future Masters/Mistresses? We will have the past Master as John Simm and maybe the future Master as Missy. After all, River was from the Doctor’s future, so we have a precedent.

Missy’s Requests

In exchange for information, Missy has some interesting requests:

MISSY: I've got some requests. I want some new books, some toys, like a particle accelerator, a 3-D printer and a pony.

Missy sounds like a child, wanting toys, especially a pony. The child aspect goes along with what we’ve examined. The 3-D printer is a reference to “Heaven Sent” and the idea of just printing a new copy of the Doctor when needed.

Particle Accelerator & The Da Vinci Code

The particle accelerator is a reference to CERN. In my “Extremis” analysis, we already looked at how Dan Brown’s 2000 novel Angels & Demons involves antimatter created at the LHC to be used in a weapon against the Vatican. However, in “Extremis,” being things are backwards, a weapon of mass destruction is sent from the Vatican to CERN.

Dan Brown also wrote The Da Vinci Code a 2003 mystery-detective novel by Dan Brown, which has relevance to images in “The Lie of the Land.” Wikipedia says

It follows symbologist Robert Langdon and cryptologist Sophie Neveu after a murder in the Louvre Museum in Paris, when they become involved in a battle between the Priory of Sion and Opus Dei over the possibility of Jesus Christ having been a companion to Mary Magdalene. The title of the novel refers, among other things, to the finding of the first murder victim in the Grand Gallery of the Louvre, naked and posed similar to Leonardo da Vinci's famous drawing, the Vitruvian Man, with a cryptic message written beside his body and a pentacle drawn on his chest in his own blood.

Regarding Mary Magdalene, Wikipedia says

[She] was a Jewish woman who, according to texts included in the New Testament, traveled with Jesus as one of his followers. She is said to have witnessed Jesus' crucifixion and resurrection. Within the four Gospels she is named at least 12 times, more than most of the apostles.

The Gospel of Luke says seven demons had gone out of her, [Lk. 8:2] and the longer ending of Mark says Jesus had cast seven demons out of her. [Mk. 16:9] She is most prominent in the narrative of the crucifixion of Jesus, at which she was present, and the witness in all four gospels of the empty tomb, the central fact of Jesus' resurrection. She was also present two days later, immediately following the Sabbath when, according to all four canonical Gospels,[Matthew 28:1–8] [Mark 16:9–10] [Luke 24:10] [John 20:18] she was, either alone or as a member of a group of women, the first to testify to the resurrection of Jesus. John 20 and Mark 16:9 specifically name her as the first person to see Jesus after his resurrection.

At the beginning of “The Lie of the Land,” we see 2 altered images related to Leonardo da Vinci.

The first image is an alteration of da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man.

The second da Vinci image is the altered Mona Lisa, which is also related to The Da Vinci Code.

According to The Da Vinci Code Wikipedia information:

The androgyny of the Mona Lisa reflects the sacred union of male and female implied in the holy union of Jesus and Mary Magdalene. Such parity between the cosmic forces of masculine and feminine has long been a deep threat to the established power of the Church. The name "Mona Lisa" is actually an anagram for "Amon L'Isa", referring to the father and mother gods of Ancient Egyptian religion (namely Amun and Isis).

Missy & Her Con Job

As more proof we shouldn’t trust what we think we know:

MISSY: Start at the beginning. How do they get a foothold on a planet?

DOCTOR: Some idiot asks for their help.

MISSY: Well, not just any idiot. It has to be a properly consenting human mind. A pure request, one without agenda or ulterior motive.

What Missy is saying is very subjective as far as Bill is concerned because she had an agenda to save the Doctor. And then she wanted him to save Earth.

DOCTOR: It's them. That person creates a psychic link, which forms an anchor that keeps the Monks in power. They're the lynchpin.

MISSY: Scalding. Ow.

DOCTOR: But the brainwaves of one person wouldn't be powerful enough to contain an entire planet. The statues! As soon as they got here, the Monks put up statues in every town square, and every park, and every playground.

That would be a huge number of statues, which I have a hard time believing. Why not use satellites, it’s easier, like the Arch Angel Network the Master set up?

MISSY: You're on fire, you're literally on fire you're so caliente. That's Spanish for hot.

DOCTOR: The statues are transmitters. They boost the signal and beam it out all around the world.

MISSY: Boom! You've exploded. Now, all you have to do is find whoever opened the door to the Monks in the first place.

DOCTOR: Say I already have.

MISSY: Oh! Well then, you're sorted. Just kill them. That weakens the Monks' grip on the world.

Here, Missy says, “Just kill them” to weaken the Monks’ grip.

DOCTOR: No, no. No, no, that can't be right. There are planets that the Monks have ruled for thousands of years.

MISSY: It's passed on through the bloodline. Usually the lynchpin goes on to lead a normal life, have their own family, and the link is passed down through the generations.

It seems very odd that a psychic link could be passed on in the bloodline. We do know from “The Curse of Fenric” that the curse is passed down through the generations. However, no one said anything about a psychic link. I have a hard time believing this.

DOCTOR: But the Monks must have worked that out. They've been doing this for millennia.

MISSY: Why? If the link is passed on, the Monks stay in charge, through, they think, their ruthlessness and efficiency. But if the lynchpin dies and the link isn't passed on, and the Monks get booted off the planet, well, they just chalk it up to experience.

Missy starts playing “The Entertainer” a classic piano rag written by Scott Joplin in 1902. It’s the theme music for the movie The Sting. Wikipedia says, “The Sting is a 1973 American caper film set in September 1936, involving a complicated plot by two professional grifters (Paul Newman and Robert Redford) to con a mob boss (Robert Shaw).”

In “Hell Bent,” the gang boss is defined as Rassilon. Clara says, “And there was this gang boss and he wanted to kill you.” The Doctor is mirroring Rassilon, at times, in “The Lie of the Land.”

Missy is running a con. First she says the lynchpin has to die, then she tells Bill she shouldn’t die. Just become a husk. Interestingly, Caecilius’ first name is Lobus meaning husk or pod. Bill represents Caecilius because her jacket had the volcano on it.

In fact, interestingly the display on the supply ship that Nardole and Bill were on has the word “slave” (yellow arrow) and next to “Corp” is “Conning Station” (red arrow). All the ship scenes were just wrong anyway, so it’s all a con.

BILL: No, it's okay. I want to speak to her.

MISSY: Yes?

BILL: So when you defeated the Monks, that's how you did it?

MISSY: Well, at this point, all that was left of the bloodline was a wee girl, and I just pushed her into a volcano.

BILL: It's me. The lynchpin is me. MISSY: Awkward. BILL: So you're saying I have to die. MISSY: No. If you were just to die, everyone's false memories would have to fade, and that could take ages. It's actually better if you keep breathing, if your brain just keeps transmitting, well, nothing. That would blot out the residue false memories. BILL: What would be left of me? MISSY: You'd be a husk. Completely and irrevocably brain-dead. You couldn't even get on Celebrity Love Island.

Missy & Tears

At the end of the episode with Missy, we see tears. Her words don’t ring true to me. In fact, her words sound more like something the Doctor would say. I didn’t believe any of this from her.

(The containment field is down. Missy and the Doctor sit by an electric fire.) MISSY: I keep remembering all the people I've killed. Every day I think of more. Being bad, being bad drowned that out. I didn't know I even knew their names. You didn't tell me about this bit. DOCTOR: I'm sorry, but this is good. (She turns her face away, to hide her tears.) MISSY: Okay.

Dystopian Society, Big Brother, Influential Novels & a Movie

We see the opening of the episode, showing how the Monks have integrated themselves into human history, as the Doctor narrates off camera. Then, we see a mother, father, and boy watching the Doctor on TV, shown below. The boy is holding a rabbit (red arrow). There is an inverse reflection on the table (yellow arrow). The woman has hidden souls, shown by the Xs behind her.

Everything seems somewhat normal, until the Memory Police break in. They take the mother into custody, and the commander carries a shoebox (yellow arrow), shown below. It’s similar to the one Bill has.

In fact, Bill and the Mother, shown below, are both associated with the Monk with the gap between the teeth. Each Monk is different, so this is significant, saying that Bill is mirroring the mother. There are 2 sets of the women. One set is on the side of the Monks. Therefore, one set is in the real universe while the other set is in the alternate universe, just like Donna in “Turn Left.”

The mother is charged with “the manufacture and possession of propaganda intended to undermine the True History. It is in contravention of the Memory Crimes Act of 1975.”

The 1975 year is important because that is the 13th season of Classic Who, which includes some very important 4th Doctor episodes that I’ve talked about in bold.

· “Terror of the Zygons”

· “Planet of Evil”

· “Pyramids of Mars”

· “The Android Invasion”

· “The Brain of Morbius”

· “The Seeds of Doom”

All 3 of these episodes in bold are about usurpation. I’d have to go back to the others and watch them to find out what they are about. I’ll talk about Morbius in a few minutes because he is referenced in the Library.

The police state in “The Beast Below” resembles in some ways what is going on in “The Lie of the Land.”

Clearly, the Doctor is part of a dystopian society, helping to brainwash the world through broadcasts. It’s not that different from what the Master did with the Arch Angel Network in “The Sound of Drums” and “The Last of the Time Lords.” In fact, the Doctor makes a reference to the latter in the Vault:

BILL: God, the way you and Nardole have been carrying on, I thought you had some kind of monster in here, or something! DOCTOR: I do. Missy, Bill. Bill, Missy, the other Last of the Time Lords.

In “The Last of the Time Lords,” the Doctor was a prisoner in the birdcage. Martha mirrored him, traveling the world and spreading the word that would save the Doctor and Earth from the Master. At times, Bill, in “The Lie of the Land,” is mirroring Martha, as well as the Doctor.

The Doctor, by keeping Missy in the cage, is mirroring the Master, and Missy is mirroring the Doctor. In fact, to reinforce that Doctor/Missy mirror, we see Missy’s eyes and eyebrows, shown below, just like we see with the Doctor in the opening credits.

BTW, I haven’t mentioned this, but the opening credits changed a bit in Season 10. The Doctor has a 3rd eye-like structure in between his other 2 on the bridge of his nose below (red arrow). While it’s not in the middle of the Doctor’s forehead, like Davros, it does resemble that of Davros. And the Doctor did mirror Davros in “The Witch’s Familiar” when the Doctor sat in Davros’ chair.

Big Brother and 1984

In 1949, English author George Orwell published his dystopian novel Nineteen Eighty-Four, often written as 1984. Many of the concepts in “The Lie of the Land,” such as thought manipulation and omnipresent government surveillance, Truth, Thought Police (called Memory Police in DW), and the pyramid, come from the novel. However, all of these (except the pyramid) are also hallmarks of authoritarian and totalitarian governments in general.

The term “Big Brother” comes from the novel. The character is the symbolic leader of the totalitarian government, controlling all aspects of social life, including the thoughts and actions of its citizens. In the case of “The Lie of the Land,” the Doctor represents tyranny and Big Brother, who brainwashes people with the Monks’ propaganda. There is constant government surveillance of its citizens by the Thought Police.

BTW, this is why The Ghost is represented by the Tyrannosaurus rex. The tyrant lizard.

The government in 1984 even controls the language and introduces Newspeak vs. Oldspeak (Standard English). Newspeak influences and limits thought by decreasing the range of expressiveness of the English language. Important words come to have the opposite meaning to hide the truth. For example, “war is peace, freedom is slavery, and ignorance is strength.” These words are inscribed on a pyramid of the Ministry of Truth.

I mentioned “Oranges and Lemons,” the traditional English nursery rhyme, and how part of it represented torture in my analysis on “The Pilot.” Diffcat made a great point in a comment to it that it also refers to 1984. The nursery rhyme is a symbol of tyranny. People can’t remember the rhyme in its entirety because Big Brother has wiped out most of traditional English culture.

The 1st Doctor and the 12th Doctor were under surveillance. The Daleks were watching the 1st Doctor, and it looked to me like he and his companions were in some type of miniscope or some lab-type environment, like specimens to be observed. As far as the 12th Doctor is concerned, there are lots of eye symbols in his episodes, meaning someone is watching him. I won’t be surprised if the Doctor has been miniaturized.

The Handmaid’s Tale

In 1985, Canadian author Margaret Atwood published her dystopian novel The Handmaid's Tale. Since monks normally symbolize religion, this novel seems appropriate.

According to Wikipedia,

Set in a near-future New England, in a totalitarian theocracy that has overthrown the United States government, the novel explores themes of women in subjugation and the various means by which they gain individualism and independence. The novel's title echoes the component parts of Geoffrey Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales, which comprises a series of connected stories ("The Merchant's Tale", "The Parson's Tale", etc.).

The Handmaid's Tale is set in the Republic of Gilead, a theocratic military dictatorship formed within the borders of what was formerly the United States of America.

Beginning with a staged attack that kills the President and most of Congress, a Christian fundamentalist movement calling itself the "Sons of Jacob" launches a revolution and suspends the United States Constitution under the pretext of restoring order. They are quickly able to take away women's rights, largely attributed to financial records being stored electronically and labelled by sex. The new regime, the Republic of Gilead, moves quickly to consolidate its power and reorganize society along a new militarized, hierarchical regime of Old Testament-inspired social and religious fanaticism among its newly created social classes. In this society, human rights are severely limited and women's rights are even more curtailed; for example, women are forbidden to read.

V for Vendetta

“The Lie of the Land” also has elements of the movie V for Vendetta, which aren’t in the other novels. It’s set in the UK, like the Starship UK represents the UK, and there is a virus. According to Wikipedia:

V for Vendetta is a 2005 dystopian political thriller film directed by James McTeigue and written by The Wachowski Brothers, based on the 1988 DC/Vertigo Comics limited series of the same name by Alan Moore and David Lloyd. The film is set in an alternative future where a neo-fascist regime has subjugated the United Kingdom.

In 2028, the world is in turmoil and warfare, with the United States fractured as a result of prolonged second civil war and a pandemic of the "St. Mary's Virus" ravaging Europe. The United Kingdom is ruled as a fascist police state by the Norsefire Party, helmed by all-powerful High Chancellor Adam Sutler. Political opponents, immigrants, Jews, Muslims, atheists, homosexuals, and other "undesirables" are imprisoned and executed in concentration camps.

Of course, St. Mary is also a reference to the religious symbolism in DW.

The Doctor’s Terrible Choice

In “Before the Flood,” the Doctor told the Fisher King:

FISHER KING: You will be a strong beacon. How many ghosts can I make of you?

DOCTOR: You know, you've got a lot in common with the Tivoleans. You'll both do anything to survive. They'll surrender to anyone. You will hijack other people's souls and turn them into electromagnetic projections. That will to endure. That refusal to ever cease. It's extraordinary. And it makes a fella think. Because you know what? If all I have to do to survive is tweak the future a bit, what's stopping me? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The ripple effect. Maybe it will mean that the universe will be ruled by cats or something, in the future. But the way I see it, even a ghastly future is better than no future at all. You robbed those people of their deaths, made them nothing more than a message in a bottle. You violated something more important than Time. You bent the rules of life and death. So I am putting things straight. Here, now, this is where your story ends.

(The Fisher King growls.)

The Doctor said it, “Maybe it will mean that the universe will be ruled by cats or something, in the future. But the way I see it, even a ghastly future is better than no future at all.”

Tyranny or the Apocalypse

According to what the Doctor spells out in “The Lie of the Land,” these really are the choices: tyranny or the apocalypse.

DOCTOR: Human society is stagnating. You've stopped moving forward. In fact, you're regressing. BILL: This isn't exactly much better. DOCTOR: It's safer. BILL: Not so much for the people the Monks are killing. DOCTOR: The Romans killed people and saved billions more from disease, war, famine and barbarism.

Barbarism is a very subjective term, depending on whom is using it. The Romans, which the Doctor mentions (here’s a reference tying Rome and Pompeii to the Library), thought of others as barbarians. However, many historians today tie barbarism to the Romans.

Regardless, disease, war, and famine refer to the 3 of 4 of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse. The Romans, in a certain period, symbolized conquest.

· White horse (Conquest)

· Red horse (War)

· Black horse (Famine)

· Pale horse (Disease and Death)

The rider of the white horse in the New Testament is controversial. Some consider him to represent Christ, while others believe he symbolizes the Antichrist. There is also the idea among some that there are 2 white horses where the 1st is the Antichrist, while the 2nd is Christ.

There are 4 white horses in nuWho that I can think of. The 1st is the 10th Doctor in “The Girl in the Fireplace,” where he crashes through the mirror on horseback to save Renette.

The 2nd and 3rd white horses are in “The Pandorica Opens,” where River and Amy are riding them.

The 4th is in “The Day of the Doctor,” when the 10th Doctor thinks Queen Elizabeth I is a Zygon. However, it turns out to be the white horse. It seems like this white horse might symbolize the Antichrist. The Zygon then becomes a duplicate Queen Elizabeth I.

Are we sure the Doctor married the right queen? It would make sense if the Doctor married the Antichrist. Because we are talking about the queen, we need to also look at Liz 10 in “The Beast Below.” Liz 10 represents the continued bloodline of Queen Elizabeth I. Liz 10 mirrored River, so the queen is River’s bloodline.

Here are a couple of ways to solve this alternate universe problem. River is trying to rescue the Doctor, as we’ve seen, so she would need to kill the alternate-Doctor to destroy this alternate world, like Donna’s death in “Turn Left.” Or the Doctor’s Mother of God or God consciousness can integrate with him, like CAL integrated with River. The possessed part of the Doctor has to be neutralized. The illusions have to die.

Can’t Win a War

So the 12th Doctor below is talking about the end of the world. He and Bill continue the conversation:

BILL: No, wait. What about free will? You believe in free will. Your whole thing is. You made me write a three thousand-word essay on free will. DOCTOR: Yes, well, I mean, you had free will, and look at what you did with it. Worse than that, you had history. History was saying to you, look, I've got some examples of fascism here for you to look at. No? Fundamentalism? No? Oh, okay, you carry on. I had to stop you, or at least not stand in the way of someone else who wanted to, because the guns were getting bigger, the stakes were getting higher, and any minute now it was going to be goodnight, Vienna. By the way, you never delivered that essay, anyway.

The Doctor is right about the guns getting bigger and the stakes getting higher. In fact, we examined this very problem in Chapter 17 of Fairytales and Romance in Doctor Who. I wrote

With the dead being weaponized [in “The Empty Child” and “The Doctor Dances”] and in “Under the Lake,” “Before the Flood,” and even “Heaven Sent” (you’ll see more below), there’s no way to win a war. Missy weaponized the dead, too, in “Dark Water” and “Death in Heaven.”

So the choices here come down to annihilation or tyranny.

However, in the alternate world, the alternate-Doctor would have to die, but he hasn’t figured that out yet.

Why are Daleks and Cybermen, for example, getting extraordinary powers? It comes back to what was happening in “The Mind Robber.” Thoughts coming to life.

Goodnight, Vienna: 2 Meanings

The Doctor mentions Goodnight, Vienna above. I believe it has 2 meanings.

Goodnight Vienna & The Day the Earth Stood Still

Goodnight Vienna is Ringo Starr’s 4th studio album, but what is important is the album cover, which is an image from Wikipedia.

The image – with Ringo’s head replacing that of actor Michael Rennie who plays Klaatu – is from the 1951 sci-fi movie The Day the Earth Stood Still.

Wikipedia says of the movie:

Klaatu emerges from the saucer and addresses Barnhardt's assembled scientists, informing them that he represents an interplanetary organization that created a police force of invincible robots like Gort to "patrol the planets in spaceships like this one, and preserve the peace" by automatically annihilating aggressors. "In matters of aggression, we have given them absolute power over us. This power cannot be revoked." Klaatu concludes with, "It is no concern of ours how you run your own planet, but if you threaten to extend your violence, this Earth of yours will be reduced to a burned-out cinder. Your choice is simple: join us and live in peace, or pursue your present course and face obliteration." Klaatu and Gort reenter the spaceship and depart.

So here’s a similar message as what the Doctor is saying about peace on Earth vs. the weapons and stakes, ending in the apocalypse. However, just like “The Lie of the Land,” the message runs opposite to what is happening. The external aggressors, according to what we’ve seen in this episode, are the Daleks, Cybermen, and the Weeping Angels. The Monks, too, are external aggressors, but in a different way.

However, the Doctor going hell bent through the universe would definitely be the aggressor that Klaatu was talking about.

Goodnight, Vienna: the Movie

I believe Goodnight, Vienna also applies to the movie because Austria comes up again. We saw the writer of the Dream Novel was Austrian. However, there is also another Austrian clue in “The Lie of the Land.” Oddly, in the shot of Paris, there are 2 Austrian flags on the bridge near the Eiffel Tower. To make things clear, the flag on the left has 1 dot with it while the other flag has 2 dots. It suggests to me there are 2 flags, 2 sets of dots, and 2 Austrian references, which is why I believe this Goodnight, Vienna reference makes sense.

Wikipedia says

Goodnight, Vienna (also known as Magic Night) is a 1932 British musical film directed by Herbert Wilcox and starring Jack Buchanan, Anna Neagle and Gina Malo. Two lovers in Vienna are separated by the First World War, but are later reunited.

Max is an Austrian officer in the army and son of a highly placed general. His father wants him to marry a Countess but he has fallen in love with Vicki. Attending a party given in his honour, they are informed that war has broken out. Max writes a note to Vicki and goes off to war. Unfortunately the note is lost. Some time after the war, Max is just a shoe shop assistant while Vicki is now a famous singer. They meet and at first she snubs him but then falls in love with him again.

I see this as foreshadowing. Given the mirrors set up, it would most likely be Clara and the Doctor.

Breaking Bill’s Confidence: Mirroring of the 7th Doctor and Ace

In my TPEW analysis, I proposed that the Doctor would probably have to break Bill’s confidence in him, just like the 7th Doctor did with Ace in “The Curse of Fenric” and the 11th Doctor did with Amy in “The God Complex.”

While the scene mirrors both of the Doctors and companions, although in a seemingly deadly way, the Doctor does a very 7th Doctor thing in his conversation with Bill.

BILL: Because the world was invaded by zombie Monks! DOCTOR: And whose fault was that, huh? I didn't ask for my sight back. No, you took it upon yourself to ignore me, to do what you thought was best. All I can say is that we are lucky it was a benevolent race like the Monks, not the Daleks. Yes, I know the Monks are ruthless. I get that. Yes, they play with history and I'm not exactly thrilled about that. But they bring peace and order.

The 7th Doctor rolls his Rs all the time. I love to listen to his Scottish accent, although it’s not very heavy. In contrast, we rarely hear the 12th Doctor roll his Rs. However, when he said “thrilled” in that 2nd to last sentence above, he did. He’s mirroring the 7th Doctor to bring in the idea of possession, the evil entity Fenric, and the curse, which is love.

The Regeneration & Maniacal Laughter: What Happened to the Doctor?

The Doctor really isn’t himself. It’s clear from the events and even before the regeneration scene that something is wrong. Sure we saw above that the Doctor had to make a terrible choice. However, that doesn’t account for some bizarre behavior.

Bill Shooting the Doctor

Bill has a violent streak, shooting the Doctor in the way she did. It really doesn’t make sense in a way, unless Bill has gone mad. She’s mirroring the Doctor in “Hell Bent” where he’s pushed past his limits. The Doctor is mirroring Rassilon, at least to some extent, in that he is the face of tyranny in this totalitarian state, just like Rassilon is on Gallifrey. However, we don’t exactly know the complete role the Doctor is playing here. But the Doctor mirroring Rassilon does agree with what we’ve examined so far.

Regarding Bill, she is also a mirror of several other people in various ways, such as the 12th Doctor, River, and then Vincent Van Gogh from “Vincent and the Doctor.” She, as Vincent, symbolically kills the Krafayis and beheads Medusa in this scene, which plays out in another symbolic way when she integrates with the seated Monk. However, nothing is over. People are still caught in the Matrix, and most likely things will become more ridiculous until the end.

So there are musical mirrors going on in the entire ship scene.

Maniacal Laughter

But there are some oddities going on, too, with the regeneration, and then the scene after that where the Doctor is laughing maniacally. If we didn’t see anything was wrong or suspected that something was possibly off target with the regeneration scene, the scene with the Doctor laughing maniacally is a dead giveaway that this is terribly wrong.

Who is this man in the image below, who is laughing maniacally as the boat is going to ram the dock? Since when does the Doctor do this? It’s not the Doctor we know.

However, this is a very Master thing to do. John Simm’s Master laughs maniacally in “The End of Time.” We see and hear the Master’s maniacal laughter, just like Donna’s grandfather Wilfred, the Doctor, and the Ood. Has the Master possessed the Doctor through the Eye of Harmony? This is either the Master or the Valeyard. It could be Morbius, too. In fact, Morbius could be the Valeyard. There are several possibilities.

It wouldn’t be surprising if the Master, the Valeyard, and the Time Lords are working together to use the Doctor. It happened in the 6th Doctor stories collectively called The Trial of a Time Lord. At some point, I have to bite the bullet and slog my way through the 8 other episodes of the 14-episode series. It’s terribly written and dreadfully boring.

The Regeneration

The whole regeneration is just plain weird. It’s so not surprising that it was fake, as far as we can tell. In fact, I expected it. We examined multiple times how the Doctor doesn’t have to regenerate, especially since I believe he represents the end of a cycle of Doctors from 0 to 12. (He’s not even really the 12th; he’s the 14th incarnation. However, his 3 faces can span the cycle change.) Since the subtext suggests this isn’t the 1st cycle, the Doctors must either have their memories wiped each time, or they get reactualized, like we saw in “Heaven Sent” with the 3-D printer idea (the teleporter), creating a copy. Why would Missy want a 3-D printer in “The Lie of the Land,” making a reference to “Heaven Sent”?

But what really happened in the regeneration scene? It doesn’t really make sense that the Doctor would waste regeneration energy. As he told Davros in “The Witch’s Familiar,” when he was going to share some regeneration energy:

DOCTOR: Okay, don't ever tell anyone that I did this. (He waves his hand around until a golden glow forms.) DOCTOR: A little bit of regeneration energy. Probably cost me an arm or a leg somewhere down the line. Or I'll just be really little.

Sure, Moffat used the regeneration to fake people out, but it’s not like DW to do this without having some other meaning.

Why would the Doctor waste regeneration energy? It wasn’t even a small amount. The amount he used would destroy part of the room. Why didn’t that happen? That’s a problem. Besides, Bill wouldn’t know about regeneration energy as far as we know, unless maybe the Doctor used it to heal her in “Oxygen.” However, she never mentioned it. And something like that would be very memorable. Therefore, the regeneration doesn’t make sense unless something else happened.

Interestingly, the Doctor’s personality changes once he uses the energy. He really isn’t himself. Since when does he clap like he did and say something like “good girl” with a huge smile? He doesn’t smile all that much, but on the ship, I think he used up his life’s allotment, so to speak.

He looks possessed to me, and I’ll show you in a few minutes how the Master and the Valeyard wanted to steal the Doctor’s regeneration energy.

The Weird Voodoo Doll Thingy

In the Library metaphor on the ship, there is a weird item under glass. The really interesting thing about this item below (red arrow) is that it has what looks like red eyes on its face, along with gray hair made of light reflections on top of its head. Also, its arms are up, like it’s being held at gunpoint. The gray hair and red eyes suggest that it’s a representation of the Doctor under glass, frozen in a pose suggesting a robbery. In fact, I see the reference to “The Mind Robber.” Also, the red eyes suggest the possession similar to what we see in the pyramid Library metaphor. I’m going to refer to this representation of the Doctor as a Voodoo Doll metaphor.

BTW, the idea of people being frozen under bell-shaped glass reminds me of Clara being under glass in the 11th Doctor story “The Crimson Horror.”

Interestingly, it looks like the broadcasts may come from the Voodoo Doll because it’s centered in the room on the side the Doctor faces in the broadcasts. The possessed Doctor, therefore, would be broadcasting all of this, which totally agrees with what we’ve examined, so far. And he would be mirroring CAL.

Didn’t Agree to What?

Oddly, in the scene with the seated Monk, the 12th Doctor smiles, which is odd, before he places his hands on the Monk’s head. His eyes glow cyan for a moment, and the columns on the Monk’s chair glows cyanish under the Monk’s hands. In the images on the ceiling, the Monks disappear in flames.

BILL: It's working! The Monks are disappearing! (The Doctor suddenly lets go.) DOCTOR: Oh, I didn't agree to this.

Agree to what? This is really odd and sounds like there is a contract. That could go along with the Doctor Faustus idea where Faustus is his own worst enemy, failing to see his own salvation. We examined Faustus and the idea of a contract in my analysis on “The Pilot.” If this Doctor or even Bill, or Clara does, indeed, need to die to set the universe straight, he is, indeed, failing to see the answer.

BILL: What's happening?

DOCTOR: He's fighting back. He's blocking me, countering every move.

The Doctor grabs the Monk's head again. The columns that the Monk's hands are resting on turn from white to red. The Doctor's eyes glow red, and he is in pain. Here’s our cyan and red combination again. Interestingly, the red matches the Voodoo Doll. Red eyes do tend to be a popular color of possession. This scene may be a representation of how the Doctor became possessed in the 1st place. He did it to save Bill.

NARDOLE: Look!

(The Monks reappear in the pictures.)

BILL: Oh, no, no, no.

(The Doctor is violently thrown backwards.)

When Bill later puts her hands on the Monk’s head, her eyes momentarily glow cyan.

BTW, it’s interesting that the real Winston Churchill shows up 3 times in the episode.

The Master Possesses the Doctor

What if the regeneration unleashes something in the Doctor? The only way the regeneration wasn’t going to be faked is if, for example, the Master or Valeyard came forth after the regeneration. We didn’t see that, or did we?

The Master trying to steal the Doctor’s regenerations comes up multiple times in DW. It happens in Classic Who and in the 1996 Doctor Who movie. Here’s a clip with the Eye of Harmony opening and the Master trying to rob the Doctor’s mind in the movie. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAu0OajrO2s The Master is using the Doctor’s companion to gain the Doctor’s regenerations and possess the Doctor by having the companion look into the Eye of Harmony. The Doctor can’t help but watch what is happening because the Master has forced open his eyes.

As we examined in Chapter 16 of Fairytales and Romance in Doctor Who, the whole idea of this is also foreshadowed in the 10th Doctor stories “The Impossible Planet” and “The Satan Pit.” Toby, the archeologist, a mirror of River, gets possessed after the Eye of Harmony is opened. He also is a mirror of the 12th Doctor. Below, in an image from “The Impossible Planet,” Toby is making himself into a cross with his arms out. Since he is part of the cross shape, he is being crucified.

The Beast in “Planet of the Ood” turns out to be the subconscious coming forth in anger and resentment against the oppressors. Bill shooting the Doctor is symbolic of this fight.

Furthermore, the Beast shows up in “The Lie of the Land” in an image. In fact, we saw a similar image in “The Satan Pit.” Below, we see the Monk with some small people. They aren’t attacking the Beast, though, who looks like he is blowing his horn probably as a call to battle. The small people are turned toward the Monk and pointing weapons at it. This very much contradicts what we see in the episode, for the most part.

BTW, there is a figurine in the Doctor’s office that shows someone blowing a horn. I haven’t figured out who it is because we’ve never gotten a close shot of it. There are several people in mythology who blow horns. However, it’s very likely that it’s associated with Norse mythology since Ragnarök is looming large. The god Heimdallr has a horn called Gjallarhorn, and he uses it to call the gods to war against the giants. The Monk in the image above looks like a giant of sorts compared to the little people.

In “The Satan Pit,” we see an image below of the Beast but in a different way than the image above. The Disciples of Light, who are tiny in comparison to the gigantic Beast, seem to be fighting it. Several of the stick figures have their arms extended in a way that suggests they’ve thrown something at the Beast.

In these 2 images, the Beast did massively shrink in size from the 2nd image to the 1st above, as we examined that it would in Chapter 15 of Fairytales and Romance in Doctor Who, which is implicit in the meaning of the red gem that young Grant swallows.

The Valeyard

The Valeyard only shows up in the 6th Doctor stories of the trial where the Time Lords and the Valeyard tried to frame the Doctor. However, the Great Intelligence does mention the Valeyard in the 11th Doctor episode “The Name of the Doctor.”

I typically don’t use the information from the non-canon references, but the information below has supporting evidence in canon and the subtext. According to the TARDIS Wikia:

The Valeyard was created as an amalgamation of all the evil inside of the Doctor, taken from somewhere between his twelfth and final incarnations (TV: The Ultimate Foe) by the Time Lords using black ops technology. Genesta hypothesised that he might have been created as a weapon. (AUDIO: The Brink of Death)

We know the Doctor’s blindness and fear weakened him, opening the door to possession by somebody. The 12th Doctor is the 14th incarnation.

When the Seventh Doctor slept, he dreamed of his other selves in his mind, and heard the Valeyard threaten that "when the [Doctor's] strength was at its lowest, he would reach out from the recesses of [the Doctor's] subconscious and seize [his body]." (PROSE: Head Games)

Here’s the synopsis from the first story of Trial of a Time Lord. It’s from “The Mysterious Planet”:

The Doctor is summoned before the High Council of Time Lords to stand trial for the charges of harmful interference to the course of events during his space-time excursions, which have threatened the sanctity of the universe. Indignant at these accusations, the Doctor pleads his case to the Inquisitor with the hope that she will see him as a source of hope and goodwill for existence. However, his prosecuting attorney, a sinister Time Lord known simply as the Valeyard, begins a crusade against the Doctor's life with the motive of painting him out to be a villainous renegade.

The Valeyard's first movement against the Doctor is to review his past interactions on a familiar planet called Ravolox, where he and his-then companion Peri met the morally grey Sabalom Glitz and a tyrannical robot stalking the world's desolated landscape. However, Ravolox holds a terrible truth in the far reaches of its ruins, while the Doctor's trial has its own fair share of startling twists and turns...

Painting the Doctor as a villain is something we saw the Master do in “The Mind Robber.”

BTW, the evil in the Doctor is another reason why I don’t think he can regenerate, at least in the normal way. The evil will just pass on. That has to be resolved, too, which is what I expect from the 12th Doctor’s story.

The other way we’ve seen that Time Lords can continue after they die is to have a projection continue, like we examined in the 3rd Doctor story “Planet of the Spiders.” We looked at that episode in my analysis in “Knock Knock.” Something like the projection idea also happened in “Kinda,” the 5th Doctor story we examined in my analysis in TPEW. It looks like the projection is similar to the idea of the Trinity with 3 people operating as One. The projection is one of those people. The young girl in “Kinda” is like a face of the old blind woman who died, so the old woman’s soul never died, even though her body did. Her soul lives on in the girl.

Morbius in the Library Metaphor

Sadly, I haven’t finished my chapter on Morbius, Dinosaurs, and Superpowers either. I’ve got a lot of chapters started, but found things so circular that I would start another chapter to explain something that I needed prior to finishing a previous chapter.

Morbius & CAL

In “Silence in the Library,” we see Robby the Robot, shown below (blue arrow), from the 1956 movie Forbidden Planet. Robby’s appearance in DW is also a reference to Morbius, a human scientist in the movie, who gains super intelligence and superpowers but doesn’t realize their full extent. Morbius was the inspiration for the 4th Doctor episode “The Brain of Morbius.” I mentioned a few points about CAL, the Library, and her superpowers in Chapter 15 of Fairytales and Romance in Doctor Who.

Morbius in the movie creates, unbeknownst to him, an invisible monster from his subconscious, after he interfaces with an alien device that basically increases his IQ exponentially. The monster goes around killing people. The Krafayis from “Vincent and the Doctor” is the ultimate example of this invisible monster.

While we are led to believe that the Vashta Nerada are causing the shadows in the Library and eating people, something else, too, is happening in the subtext. The same thing is happening with the 12th Doctor. But the question is even bigger than shadows.

Why do books literally start flying off the shelves in the Library when River, the Doctor, and the Lux expedition are in there?

While Doctor Moon has CAL believing that she is using tools to do whatever she is doing, obviously, she isn’t really pressing buttons on a remote, since she is a disembodied mind. Instead, she is using her powers of thought to make the books fly off the shelves.

It’s CAL’s fears, anger, and frustration, the dark side of her that takes over, causing the books to fly off the shelves. But the implication really is that she is causing the shadows and the deaths of people.

The image above could be telling us that CAL is either like (1) Robby, who is a servant to Morbius, or (2) Morbius, himself. She could also be both like Robby and Morbius, a mind-controlled child with superpowers, who is serving someone else. This goes along with “The Mind Robber” concept of the Master being controlled by the Master Brain. Who controls the Master Brain computer?

“The Brain of Morbius,” the 4th Doctor & the Frankenstein Monster Metaphor

In “The Brain of Morbius,” according to the TARDIS Wikia:

Morbius was a notorious and malevolent renegade Time Lord. His career was the first in millennia to dramatically alter Gallifrey's relations with the wider universe. He attempted to overturn Gallifrey's non-interference policy in favour of military conquest, but was exiled and eventually executed, only to survive, saved by his followers.

It was Morbius who urged the Time Lords to a policy of conquest. Here’s a possible connection to the White Horse of the Apocalypse.

The Victor Frankenstein Metaphor & the Monster

Just before Morbius was executed, Doctor Mehendri Solon, a human surgeon and scientist of great renown, saved Morbius’ brain. Solon was a follower of the Time Lord tyrant Morbius. Solon was going to build a body for the brain by piecing together parts of different creatures, similar to what Mary Shelley’s Victor Frankenstein did.

Solon is on Karn where he has Morbius’ brain, and he’s building Frankenstein’s Monster – the body for Morbius.

The surgeon in THORS most likely represents Solon.

Sisterhood of Karn

For some odd reason, the Sisterhood of Karn can sense ships in space around the planet and even beyond it but can’t sense Morbius and Solon’s activities on Karn. This never made sense to me unless Morbius had a stronger mind than the sisters.

They do have superpowers.

The Sisterhood of Karn has similar abilities to Morbius in the movie, as shown in “The Brain of Morbius” episode. For example, they can kill with their minds by placing that idea in someone else’s mind. Also, the sisters state in canon that Time Lords are their “equals in mind power.”

So why haven’t we seen that?

Moreover, the sisterhood has other abilities, for example, telekinetic powers that are similar to what we see with CAL in the Library and with little George in “Night Terrors,” as he sends people to the dollhouse when he is scared. However, CAL and George’s power is chaotic for the most part.

At one point, the 4th Doctor is held prisoner by the Sisterhood of Karn because they think the Time Lords sent the Doctor to steal the Elixir of Life. They tell him they teleported him to their location with their minds. Interestingly, he says, “You mean you still practice teleportation? How quaint!” OK, what does that mean? Still? Quaint? This is one of those episodes that many, many years ago really made me think that something other than what we saw was going on.

They try to kill the Doctor at one point by roasting him at the stake. Their situation is very odd. They are so advanced mind-wise, but their surroundings look as if they live in Medieval times. All those years ago, I actually did connect this episode to an original Star Trek episode, “Errand of Mercy.” Until the previous chapter, this Star Trek episode was the only one I connected. More on this in a bit.

Anyway, the Doctor ends up mentally dueling with Morbius and integrating with him. Below, we see Morbius (red arrow), a creature much like the Frankenstein monster patch-worked together that has a big claw for a right arm. Also, we see the Doctor and Sarah Jane on the right. In the middle is a Circle in the Square metaphor (yellow arrow) that means the Doctor and Morbius are integrated.

This all comes back to the Eye of Harmony and the Library.

The Doctor ends up mortally wounded, and the Sisterhood of Karn has to save him using the Elixir of Life.

Morbius, the 12th Doctor & Nardole

I talked about the Veritas’ cover in my analysis on “Extremis” having what looks like stitches. This could refer back to how Nardole is being cast as Morbius and the Frankenstein monster. Also, the Doctor is being cast the Victor Frankenstein metaphor, Dr. Solon. In THORS, the Doctor assumed the role of the surgeon.

More Morbius references showed up in TPEW and “The Lie of the Land” that we need to look at.

The Pyramid at the End of the World

In TPEW, the Doctor and Nardole make some interesting remarks in the lab:

ERICA: How did you do that? What is that thing?

DOCTOR: It's Nardole. He's not my fault. Back to the Tardis. This place is toxic.

NARDOLE: I'm not human.

DOCTOR: Oh, you're human enough. I got your lungs cheap.

NARDOLE: Oh, now he tells me.

Nardole is a cyborg, which the Doctor pieced together. Here we learn Nardole’s lungs are human even though Nardole isn’t.

“The Lie of the Land”

When Alan holds a gun to the Doctor’s head in the pyramid, Nardole uses a neck pinch to put him to sleep.

NARDOLE: Tarovian Neck Pinch. Yeah, I er, I studied their martial arts for a while, actually. Yeah, reached the level of Brown Tabard. Can't do it with this hand though. Kind of bugs me. Course, this wasn't my original hand, as you know. I won this in a game of er, yeah, let's crack on.

Nardole uses his right hand to do a neck pinch, which is a reference to Star Trek even though the pinch is not called the Vulcan neck pinch. Anyway, it’s Nardole’s other hand that is a reference to Morbius. Nardole says, “Can't do it with this hand though. Kind of bugs me.” “Bugs me” is probably a reference to Morbius and the insect we first see at the beginning of “The Brain of Morbius.” Solon’s assistant brought back part of the insect for Solon to use for Morbius.

“The End of the World” & the Trojan Horse

This is one of the sections I didn’t have time to write for my previous analysis of “The Pyramid at the End of the World.” TPEW derives its name, in part, from the second 9th Doctor story titled, “The End of the World.”

In it, the Doctor takes Rose to watch the destruction of Earth. All types of aliens show up, and the Steward announces them, as if they are attending a royal gathering.

STEWARD: Representing the Forest of Cheam, we have trees, namely, Jabe, Lute and Coffa. (A bark-skinned woman enters with two larger male escorts.)

STEWARD: There will be an exchange of gifts representing peace. If you could keep the room circulating, thank you. Next, from the solicitors Jolco and Jolco, we have the Moxx of Balhoon. (Another blue alien, this time mostly head and body, sitting on a transport pod.)

There are several aliens who are announced, including the Face of Boe. The blue alien was referenced in “Oxygen.” Rose had a similar reaction to Bill.

Here is an image of the Forest of Cheam trees. The female tree reminds me so much of River with her seductive behavior. And, of course, the forest represents River. Interestingly, Jabe offers the Doctor a cutting of a live plant. “The Gift of Peace. I bring you a cutting of my grandfather.” Of course, “grandfather” typically refers to the Doctor, so this is really curious. This is another reason why plants have to be important.

STEWARD: And next, from Financial Family Seven, we have the Adherents of the Repeated Meme.

I had to laugh at this tongue-in-cheek name of “the Adherents of the Repeated Meme.” They represent monks of all types throughout nuWho. Yes, they are a repeated meme. In the image below, we see the monk types with what looks like Ss or most likely Zs around their necks (yellow arrow).

Ss and Zs both show up quite a bit. In fact, the Truth logo may very well represent stylized Ss or Zs. (Could be like the SS, a Nazi designation, which represents the Daleks.) The Z is important because it represents the last letter of our alphabet. However, the Greek equivalent is Omega, referring to River. Monks seem to show up when River or her metaphors are involved.

Anyway back to “The End of the World,” there is also a metal-looking, silver ball (red arrow) that the monk is holding out. However, when he offers it to the Doctor, his voice is very deep and sinister as he says, “A gift of peace in all good faith.” The sinister voice is a contradiction to the symbol. It turns out this episode is running backward. It means war. Monks show up and war breaks out.

What’s happening is that Earth (the Doctor) dies and war breaks out. The metal ball contains metal spiderbots that sabotage the observation platform. They are Trojan Horses hiding instruments of war.

BTW, the metal ball is referenced in THORS when River receives the money ball with a cross in the background, representing the 12th Doctor. It’s a symbol of war to save the Doctor.

The grandfather concept also refers to the Trojan Horse. And in fact, in

my analysis of TPEW

, we looked at how little George, a metaphor for the Doctor, in “Night Terrors” was a cuckoo. Cuckoo birds lay their eggs in another bird’s nest, letting the young be raised by foster parents.

This all is saying the Doctor is a Trojan Horse. Being that Bill is the face of the Doctor, the 13th (Hartnell’s Doctor comes up over and over as the 13th Doctor), Bill can be the Trojan Horse, too. Anyone of the Doctor’s faces can be.

A Trojan horse can also refer to a malicious computer program, which tricks users into willingly running it, so here’s a connection to a computer virus.

Star Trek Connections

There are quite a few connections to Star Trek that I’ve noticed since realizing how the series is being used in DW. Three episodes may have a bearing on things we examined in this chapter. TOS stands for The Original Series of Star Trek. TNG refers to Star Trek: The Next Generation.

The Sisterhood of Karn & TOS: “Errand of Mercy”

I mentioned that the Sisterhood of Karn looked like they lived in Medieval times in “The Brain of Morbius.”

Interestingly, there is a TOS episode called “Errand of Mercy,” where Kirk and Spock try to protect the planet Organia from the Klingons (a hostile humanoid species), but the natives don't want the Federation's help.

SPOCK: Captain, our information on these people and their culture was not correct. This is not a primitive society making progress toward mechanisation. They are totally stagnant. There is no evidence of any progress as far back as my tricorder can register. KIRK: That doesn't seem likely. SPOCK: Nevertheless, it is true. For tens of thousands of years, there has been absolutely no advancement, no significant change in their physical environment. This is a laboratory specimen of an arrested culture.

However, at the end, we learn that things are not as they appear. Ayelborne is a native to Organia while Kor is a Klingon, who seems much like Davros. The Organians, who are a peaceful people, put a stop to any war between the humans and the Klingons:

AYELBORNE: Yes, please leave us. The mere presence of beings like yourselves is intensely painful to us.

KIRK: What do you mean, beings like yourselves?

AYELBORNE: Millions of years ago, Captain, we were humanoid like yourselves, but we have developed beyond the need of physical bodies. That of us which you see is mere appearance for your sake.

KOR: Captain, it's a trick. We can handle them. I have an army.

(Kirk holds him back as Ayelborne and Claymare transform into pulsating lights, too bright to look at. Then they disappear.)

SPOCK: Fascinating. Pure energy. Pure thought. Totally incorporeal. Not life as we know it at all.

KIRK: But what about this planet? The fields, the buildings, this citadel?

SPOCK: Conventionalisations, I should say. Useless to the Organians. Created so that visitors such as ourselves, could have conventional points of reference.

KOR: But is all of this possible?

SPOCK: We have seen it with our own eyes. I should say the Organians are as far above us on the evolutionary scale as we are above the amoeba.

So the Organians are really highly advanced and incorporeal. If the Time Lords are billions of years old, I would expect them to be incorporeal, too. And its “Errand of Mercy” that gave me this idea long before Rassilon said he wanted the Time Lords to become beings of pure thought.

Do the Sisterhood of Karn live in primitive-looking conditions because they aren’t who we think they are?

Matter, Antimatter & TOS: “The Alternative Factor”

Since the whole idea of antimatter comes up with CERN and Dan Brown’s novel Angels and Demons, it seems appropriate to look at something that might give us some clues about what is happening with the Doctor.

Interestingly, in the TOS episode “The Alternative Factor” everything within sensor range suddenly "blinks," almost as if the universe is on the verge of annihilation. A time traveller suddenly appears on the planet below.

We find out later that there are actually 2 versions of this time traveller, whose name is Lazarus. One version has a cut on his forehead while the other doesn’t. I did actually think of this TOS episode when in “Extremis” the Doctor cuts his forehead over his eyebrow before I realized the antimatter connection. That should have tipped me off about Star Trek – earlier than I actually realized it.

One Lazarus is in the antimatter universe, and the other is in the matter universe.

KIRK: Exactly what did I pass through?

LAZARUS: That's hard to explain, Captain. I call it an alternative warp. It's sort of a negative magnetic corridor where the two parallel universes meet. It's sort of a safety valve. It keeps eternity from blowing up.

KIRK: This corridor, is it what caused the magnetic effect, the winking out phenomenon?

LAZARUS: Precisely, Captain, but not because of its existence. Because, because my foe entered. The corridor is like a prison, with explosives at the door. Open the door, and the explosives might go off. Stay inside

KIRK: And the universe is safe.

LAZARUS: Both universes, Captain. Yours and mine.

The interesting thing about this is the prison concept in TOS and how it might compare to what happened in “The Lie of the Land.” Letting out the possessed Doctor from the prison puts the universe at risk, actually both universes, which is what happened in "Turn Left." OK, that’s not how we saw it happen in the episode, but that’s the implication in this simulation. It’s like we have matter and antimatter Doctors.

In Christian terms, it’s like Christ vs. the Antichrist. Here we are back at one of the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Missy even mentions a pony, which might be both a reference to a rescue plan and the apocalypse. Maybe it also is a reference to the Trojan Horse.

BTW, I have a big problem with the supply and prison ship scenes. How exactly is the Doctor a prisoner on the ship? Nobody seems to be watching him. He just walks out of the ship. Before this, Bill and Nardole just walk into the Doctor’s room. Where is the break-in if the Doctor is a prisoner? If Bill is so important, why aren’t the Monks keeping her prisoner? On the supply ship during the Monk’s visit, why didn’t the Monk capture Bill? The Monk’s timing just so happened to coincide with Richard’s request for identification papers. This whole supply and prison ship set of events just screams problems, so we know things aren’t happening the way we think. And then, of course, we saw the image above from the ship that shows “Conning Station.” It’s all a con.

“The God Complex” & TNG: “Hide and Q”

The TNG episode “Hide and Q” may give us a clue about Missy’s plan, which ties into the idea of a God Complex. The Q, are god-like beings who live in the Q Continuum. Typically, when Q is referenced, it refers to one particular being in general. He is a trickster and Loki-like in DW terms. He showed up once before this episode. However, in “Hide and Q,” he returns to the Starship Enterprise to test First Officer Riker by giving him the power of a Q.

Q transports the bridge crew, minus Captain Picard to a planet, where we a setting from the Napoleonic era. Q, himself, is dressed in a Napeoleonic costume, shown below. He tells the crew the point is to stay alive in his game. Check out the symbology used in this TNG episode: a Roman cross and fleur-de-lis. If this were DW, we could translate this as: the Doctor and Nardole are Q.

The other Napoleonic soldiers seem like they would be easy to overcome. It seems like a ridiculous setup until a soldier turns around, and he isn’t human. In fact, while their weapons look authentic, they are energy weapons. I’m betting something similarly ridiculous will happen in DW.

Q reappears on the Enterprise bridge, explaining to Picard that the real intent of his game is to test whether Riker is worthy of the greatest gift the Q can offer. Memory Alpha says

They make a bet: Picard's command against Q's keeping out of Humanity's path forever. Q then promptly tells Picard that he has already lost as Riker will be offered something impossible to refuse.

Back on the planet Q talks to Riker about the powers granted to him, but Riker doesn’t want them. However, Q creates a situation where the other soldiers kill a couple of crewmembers, and only Riker’s newly acquired powers can save them. Riker holds back the alien soldiers with a force field, transports the crew back to the ship, and heals everyone.

Riker promises Picard not to use the powers again, but another situation comes up where a child on a planet dies. Riker is bound by the promise but calls a meeting. While he says he’s not a monster, clearly his relationship with people has changed. In fact, he calls the Captain by his first name, which Riker never does in normal situations. He doubts his decision not to save the child, but Picard says it was a fiction created by Q.

Riker ends up having a God Complex.

When he tries to give each bridge member a gift, like sight for the blind character, none of the crew want the gifts. Riker realizes he shouldn’t have the power.

Interestingly, at the end, Data, a sentient android, says something interesting that certainly can relate to the 12th Doctor, at times:

DATA: Sir, how is it that the Q can handle time and space so well, and us so badly?

PICARD: Perhaps some day we will discover that space and time are simpler than the human equation.

What if Missy is the one who wants the Doctor to use his powers that he promised not to use? I can see her creating a situation like Q, where someone that the Doctor loves is killed or seriously wounded to get him to break his promises. Sure, we’ve already seen him break promises, but this would be in a much more dramatic way.

In fact, in a way, this already happened with Bill in “Oxygen,” but we really didn’t see what happened between the Doctor and Bill and whatever methods he used to save her. This didn’t have the emotional impact that something like this should have.

It’s not because I saw it coming.

Instead, it’s because I didn’t see what actually happened. (I can watch TV shows or movies over and over and still feel the emotional impact that I did in the first watch.) I didn’t experience the emotions of watching them struggle with trying to survive.

The only part we got to see and feel was Bill’s terror of what would happen to her. That’s significant! That’s what I’m referring to, and we got to see so little of it. Typically, when this type of thing happens with lots of hand waving, it’s foreshadowing for what is to come.

So this suggests to me that something horrible will probably happen to someone very close to the Doctor, and we will get to experience all the terror with it.

The Doctor, like Riker, is caught in a God Complex.

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