#15x16 coda

[profound-boning]

15x16 coda now with added destiel, cw for Dean’s Trauma, <1k I haven’t written anything in over a year please be kind

The nightmares are back.

Dean sits upright in bed, shaking and heaving for breath. He blinks hard in the darkness of his bedroom, dispelling the horrors from beneath his eyelids and shuddering the tension from his shoulders. It grips him still, clings to the fringes of his awareness. It felt so real.

It was real. All those years ago.

He really did see a pile of bodies, pale limbs akimbo, blank eyes staring into the gloom. Tortured, agonized faces made up of wide, childish eyes and soft cheeks. Matted and dirty hair. Hair’s too long. Need to get it cut, Sammy, why’d you wear it like that anyway? Sam’s eyes, cold and lifeless. Sam’s arms, scrawny and-

Dean shakes his head. Sam isn’t a child and Sam isn’t dead. He’s right down the hall, hopefully still asleep in his bed. He’s dreaming, maybe, of a brunette and a white picket fence. The way he used to dream of the Ivy League.

He scrubs his hands over his face, his breath coming more steadily now. Sam is fine. Cas is fine, or at least he was when he texted goodnight. Jack is fine for now. For now.

Sighing, he lies back on the pillows. Fuckin’ nightmares. What is he, twelve?

He frowns. No, he was all of sixteen. Still a child in every conceivable way, still too young to have seen what he’d seen. To have had the childhood that he’d had.

“Childhood.” Ha. He smirks into the predawn stillness. He glances at the clock and decides he has time if he wants to try to sleep again.

Sam isn’t a child anymore and Sam isn’t dead. Jack is asleep in his room. Cas would call if something was wrong. Not to mention he’s a powerful angel, so.

He rolls onto his side, squishing his pillow for comfort. His family is fine. He’s-

Is he fine? Forty years old and reliving a nightmare he thought had left him ages ago? He hadn’t felt settled, hadn’t felt safe until, well, until Sonny. When Sonny sat him down in a diner and offered him a home, until someone actually cared about him not just as a babysitter and not just as a soldier, but as the young man he was trying to be. Always trying and never quite hitting the mark.

Dean rolls over, away from the darkening thoughts. The way the knife had felt in his palm. The way his knees had sunk to the carpet, the Baba Yaga’s voice in his teenaged body, this is your fault, you’re a failure, you never did anything right.

He jolts at the sound of his phone, the ring tinny in the total quiet. Squinting against the light of the screen, he holds it up and grunts something close to a question.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Cas.” He exhales it more than he says it. “The hell are you calling at this hour for?”

“I know you weren’t sleeping,” Cas replies simply. Oh. Right.

“Yeah, well. Now I’m extra awake.”

Cas makes a noise of assent, but Dean can picture the quirk of those lips which means he’s placating him.

Instead of asking him to talk, Cas does. He starts by revisiting his drive, how he’d played Dean’s cassette again and which songs he had sung along to. Next, he talks about stopping for dinner exclusively because they were advertising bacon cheeseburgers. The way Cas talks about middle America is soothing because this is someone who watched it come into being, has observed every change over the course of millennia, but is only now able to appreciate it in a specific way. In the way that he’d wanted to all along, but is only now getting the chance.

Dean knows it without Cas having to tell him. Cas will do anything to stop this world from ending because he loves it too much to let it end. Cas will also do anything to keep Jack from dying because he loves him too much to allow it. Cas doesn’t tell him where he’s going or what specific inquiries he’s making and that’s just fine. Cas is their wild card, their steadfast warrior, and the heart of their family. If anyone can find a way out of this, it’s Cas.

Sam will be chomping at the bit to help but Dean worries Billie will see through that. They’ll have to play double agents, he thinks, but they can’t show their hands. Can’t know too much, not until it’s go time. Which will be soon, if Billie’s prediction is correct, which it certainly is.

But not tonight. Not in the next few hours. For now, Dean can drift back into a peaceful sleep aided by the sound of Cas’s voice. He doesn’t realize it’s happening at first, just holds the phone to his ear and hums at the appropriate places. Cas knew exactly what he needed, of course. Gotta tell him, though, Dean thinks hazily, dangling on the precipice of sleep. Have to use words and tell Cas how important he is. Remind him.

In the morning, then.

Cas waits on the other end of the line, letting his story wind down as he feels Dean fall deeper into sleep back in the Bunker. He’s careful to infuse as much calm into his voice as possible, a proxy for his fingers at Dean’s temple, wanting nothing more than to soothe the restless and hurting soul he’s come to adore.

When he’s found the solution. When they are safe. When they are whole again. Then he’ll tell Dean everything. When there’s no more danger from Chuck. Not tonight, then.

Tonight, Dean will get a few more hours of sleep, and Cas will keep driving. He has an appointment to keep, after all.

#pbwrites #it's been so long my old friend #15x16 coda #dean #death cw #child death cw #s15 #15x16 #canon #coda #cas #destiel #sam mention #jack mention #team free will 2.0

[quillquiver]

DeanCas Coda to 15x16. The amount of phone call codas I’ve written over the past 7 years. Oof. >.<

Dean’s halfway through a beer, his fifth gas station mini pie and an episode of Doctor Sexy when his phone rings. A glance at the small screen reveals it to be—if not Sam, Cas, always—and before Dean can even raise the device to his damn ear there’s a deep, gruff voice going, did you tell him yet?

Dean rolls his eyes and settles into the cushions. On screen, Dr. Piccolo and her newest lover are making out in a supply closet. “Nice to hear your voice, too, huggybear.”

“Dean.”

Seven years, and it’s always his name. It’s a legit question, too, but Dean’s pissed and tired and pissed, so instead of answering like a reasonable adult, he smirks and continues to stuff his face. “That’s my name,” he says around a mouthful of beer.

“Dean, we don’t have time for this. We—”

“Yeah, Cas, I’m alright. Definitely had better days, but on the scale of 40 more years in Hell to the world burning alive it wasn’t a total shit sandwich.”

Silence.

Dean frowns. On screen, Dr. Sexy operates on a patient.

“…You told Sam.”

“Yeah, genius,” Dean spits. “I friggin’ told Sam. And as predicted, he didn’t take it well! But that’s just me ain’t it: messenger of God’s destruction. I don’t have the luxury of fucking off to Timbuktu—”

“—That’s not fair—”

“—Nothing about this is fuckin’ fair!” Dean explodes. “The kid, the case, fuckin’—all of it! Nothing about my life has ever been just or good or easy, and all because of some psychopathic Kerouac-wannabe! I’m tired! I’m-I’m…” He dugs the heel of his left hand into his eye, hand closed in a tight fist. He feels like he’s run a marathon.

“What happened?” Cas asks.

Dean shakes his head. “I can’t do it,” he says miserably. “I can’t.”

“You won’t have to. We’ll find another way.”

“Another way,” Dean scoffs. “I’m so goddamn tired of always having to find another way.”

“I know—”

“I miss you.”

Cas holds his breath.

“A lot,” Dean mumbles under his breath. His picks at a loose thread on his jeans. “More than I should.”

“Dean,” Cas says. Soft. Sweet and punched out and very very far away.

“And I hate fighting with Sam, and not knowing when Chuck’s gonna be back, and worrying about you. You just left, man. You weren’t even gonna say goodbye—”

“I’ll be back soon.”

Clutching the phone tightly to his ear, Dean bites his lip. “…Yeah?” He tries not to sound too hopeful; recent history dictates that shit will only end in tears.

“Yeah,” Cas says softly.

“So you found something?”

There’s a long stretch of silence between them, and as predicted, Dean’s heart sinks like a stone in his chest, all the way down to the pit of his stomach. He squeezes his eyes shut. Of course not of course not of course not.

“No,” Cas says, eventually. “But I’m not concerned.”

“Not concerned?” Dean echoes. “Cas, hate the break it to you, but time’s up, buddy. Billie paid me a visit today, and she said Chuck’s done with the other worlds. That means—”

“He’s coming here next.”

“Yeah.”

Dean can practically hear Cas’s gear whirring. He gives a low hum, throat clicking as he swallows. “Dean,” he asks. “Do you truly miss me?”

It’s such a change of subject that Dean’s mouth runs before he can stop it. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “I always miss you.” It’s a placeholder for all the things he can’t say; things like I hate it when you leave and I wish you’d just stay and I love you. But Dean was caught off guard, not drunk, so those words remain tightly sealed under his tongue, leaking out in ways he hopes get the message across. It isn’t that he’s lying. It’s just that… there’s no point. Even if they beat Chuck, his life will never have room for Cas to be anything more than a friend who flits off all the time. That’s just the way things are.

“Really?” Cas asks. “You mean that?”

Dean frowns. “Yeah, ‘course I do. Cas, what—”

“Because I’m your family,” he continues. “Because I’m your brother. Because you have a duty to me.”

Dean makes a face. “That’s bullshit,” he says fiercely. “Duty ain’t got nothin’ to do with it. I—” He cuts himself off. Feels sweat prickle at the back of his neck. Bites his lip again. “I’ve only got one brother, Cas.” It comes off a lot breathier than he intended, and Dean looks up at the ceiling like he wishes it’d just collapse on him. Fuck. Fuck.

“…That’s good,” Cas replies. “I have enough brothers.”

Dean freezes.

“I’ve been reliably informed they’re all dicks.”

He sits up in his Lay-Z-Boy.

“I’ll be back in a couple of days,” Cas is saying. His voice is confident. Determined. Dean barely hears him. “I have a plan.”

“W-What?” Blood is rushing in Dean’s ears and his heart is doing a real good reenactment of Prison Break and all he can do is furrow his brow and try and pay attention but I have enough brother I have enough brothers—

“I can’t believe I never considered it before. I’m such an idiot.” Cas’s gotta be smiling now; that little, barely there uptick at the corner of his mouth. It changes his speech a little, makes it lilting and playful. “I’m in Maine, but I won’t stop until I’m back. If Chuck returns—”

“Wait a minute, Rambo, you wanna tell me—”

“No,” Cas says. “Not over the phone.” Holy fuck. “Dean, listen to me: everything is going to be fine—”

“Cas, your definition of fine doesn’t exactly instill confidence.”

He laughs. Sweet and clear over the airwaves, the sound makes itself at home in a corner of Dean’s ribcage. Despite himself, he starts to grin. “C’mon, you gotta tell me.”

“I will. Soon.” His voice is warm, now. “I promise.”

Dean feels himself blush to high heaven. “Yeah?” his heart pounds a mile a damn minute, his knuckles white on the phone. It’s easier not being face-to-face, but this shit is terrifying no matter when, where or how you do it. “…You gonna tell me anything else?”

Cas’s breath hitches. “Yes.”

Holy fuck.

“I have to go,” Cas says. “It’s a long drive back.”

“Okay,” Dean replies, weakly.

“But I miss you, too.”

Dean laughs. “Kinda got that.”

“Right.”

They’re definitely both smiling like idiots, but Dean has never been so happy to be a moron. “So, uh,” he says. “Bye? I’ll—see you later. Soon.”

“Soon,” Cas agrees. “And Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“There’s more than one way to rip up an ending,” he says. “This is going to work.”

Dean grins. “Yeah,” he replies. “I know.”

I have faith in you.

**A/N: Cas’s big plan is to summon the Empty during their last face-off with Chuck. He figures he can do this by way of either a kiss or a love confession that he’s certain Dean will reciprocate. Now that he pretty much has confirmation of Dean’s feelings, getting the Empty to come collect will be easy. Once everyone is in the same room, he’ll play one off of the other in the hopes that the Empty is willing to take Chuck in his stead, or take them both.

#destiel coda #destiel fic #coda fic #deancas fic #spn 15x16 #spn spoilers #s15 #adventures in fanfic

[mattzerella-sticks]

Swallow It Whole (Dean/Cas 1.1k coda to 15x16 “Drag Me (Away From You)”)

Read here on ao3

"The older you get... the less lies make everything better"

But when you've told as many lies as Dean has, it's hard to tell what's true and what's not. How can he remove all the rotten parts of himself without bringing everything down? Which lies have ingrained themselves so firmly, that removing them would change everything about who he was?

And, scariest of them all, who would he be without those lies?

           Dean doesn’t stop him. The fire in Sam’s eyes, tense set of his shoulders – it’s suicide. Anything he said would be met with a sharp tongue that cuts worse than any knife and acid words which will scar indiscriminately. He’s tired anyway. Weighed down by over forty years of waking nightmares, a heavy, iron ball in his stomach. They cut his fuel line, letting it bleed along the road home.

           He climbs out of Baby, once the echoes of Sam’s footfalls lessen considerably. Slinks towards the trunk for his duffel. Sam’s still there, untouched. Forgotten in his anger. Dean leaves it, too. Bag swinging with every step, dangling off his fingers.

           His phone vibrates, chirping with a text. Cas, Have you told…

           Rolling his eyes, Dean offers a curt reply. Dean tries pocketing it again, only his phone starts ringing. He answers immediately, “Cas…”

           “Sam knows?”

           “Yeah,” Dean says, shuffling down the hallway. Darkness ahead and behind, reminding Dean of how empty their home is. Haunted. A chill races up his spine. “He wasn’t too keen on it, either.”

           Cas softly huffs over the line, “I had a feeling.”

           “Yeah, yeah… your feelings.” His imagination recreates the night before. Their last conversation face-to-face. Cas looking soft in such a sad way, that cruelly tempted Dean. Urged his hand forward, like he can force a smile with a simple brush of his thumb. A band-aid on a mortal wound. He almost did it, then. Even now, it twitches at his side. Like he can reach through the phone and touch stubble. “You think it’ll make a difference?” he asks.

           “I hope so.” Cas hums, the sounds of tires rolling on asphalt filling the background. He’s still on the road. “Two heads are better than one.”

           “And three?”

           “…Is that an offer?”

           He wishes it was. Dean enters his room, flicking the light on. Dumps his bag without care and slams the door behind him. Shutting himself off from the rest of the world. “This is the best shot we got,” he tells Cas, “and I doubt you’ll find anything in the next few days that’ll top Billie’s.”

           “We will,” Cas says, “we have to… for Jack.” He pauses, finger on the trigger. Tapping at it, Dean waiting for the blow. “If you… if you tell him that he doesn’t… that this won’t make up for Mary’s death, that might change his mind.”

           It would. Cas mentioned Jack’s motivations, and Billie confirmed it… though Dean held no doubt about that. Dean sat with this truth for longer than he’d like, asking himself in an infinite loop if this can really balance the scales. Each time, the answer remained the same. A loss is a loss, and Dean’s tired of losing. Jack’s death won’t heal her absence. Hadn’t when Chuck smote him, and he doubts it’ll hurt less if Jack returns the favor.

           But then he thinks about the other choices. Losing his son or losing the world.

           Caitlin made a point, that lying won’t make anything better. For other people. Tell yourself enough lies, and you can convince yourself of even the most improbable things. Like how he has room for a few more. “I can’t do that, Cas.”

           When he speaks those words, Cas deflates. Verbally, with a low hiss. Visually, he must mirror how he looked under the Bunker’s dim lighting. Weary, dragged through hell with miles to go. Unraveled and strung out for vultures that circle. His chest slams against his ribcages. Beating a mournful drum, the same cadence with which Cas walked from Dean’s side. Onto a ruinous path he couldn’t follow. How he yearned for it, though.

           “Dean,” Cas starts. Voice trembling, unsure. “you can’t do this for Jack?”

           He’d do everything for him. Switch roles, become the bomb, take Chuck and Amara into the sunset with him. Billie laid the plan out very clearly, any deviation from it would be very painful. His wants… aren’t important. Never were. There’s very little he can control. “No,” he whispers, blinking back tears, “I… I can’t.”

           “Would you do it for me, then?”

           “Cas…” It’s easier repressing these. Especially so without distractions like Cas’s hair, his eyes, the little cleft on his chin and the warmth that constantly radiates from his body. “I can’t.”

           “I see…” The detachment in Cas’s words shouldn’t hurt as much as they do. He can’t ever believe this lie. “Then it’s me and Sam, then? Alone…”

           Possibly. Dean bets his brother skipped past his room, exchanging sleep for the Bunker’s trove of secrets. Like they might hold more than the manifestation of Death, herself. Which… “Billie might pop in,” he warns, “not to help, obviously. She’ll be… making sure the house is in order.”

           Cas chuckles, the noise uncharacteristically grating his ears. “I’ll be ready for Billie.”

           “Will you?”

           “I killed her once.”

           “When she was a reaper,” Dean rubs at his jaw, “promise me you won’t take any unnecessary risks… rock the boat too much.”

           “I can’t do that,” he parrots him, uses Dean’s words against him. One lie for another. “It’s getting late… is there more you’d wish to say or…”

           He can apologize. Cry, tell him how Jack’s sacrifice hurts with the same fury Cas must feel. That they’ve bucked fate before, their family can do it again. How there’s hope the four of them can see this final battle through. A peaceful future exists, where Jack is alive, and Sam isn’t angry with him, and Cas stays. With him. And Dean can finally… he allows… he feels…

           Dean swallows each and every prayer, scowling. “No,” he says, “night.”

           “Goodnight, Dean.”

           Cas drops their call. Dean stays on, listening as the ringer flatlines. Then, when the quiet returns, he remains there. Phone pressed on his cheek, rooted to the spot.

           His stomach lurches, startling him into action. On wobbly legs Dean stumbles towards his bedroom sink, leaning over the porcelain. Gagging on all the mistruths and almost-saids he forced down his throat. Sick from his own bullshit. Tears freely flow down his cheeks while he coughs, choking, fighting himself.

           Dean loses. A simple thing slips through, “I don’t want…” Then, the next. “Jack, he –“ Dean gasps, drool pooling around the drain, “He doesn’t deserve this. Doesn’t need –“ He groans, sweating now, too. Eyes burning, blood vessels popping from the strain. “Cas, I want…” It’s stuck there, chained by years of pressure. Millions of lies – little ones he says easily like a blink. And the larger ones, that required gymnastics to make sense. “Please,” he says, “don’t go where I can’t follow, angel. I can’t lose both of you…”

           He glances at his reflection. Expression sunken, face wrecked from it all. Flashes of Jack, with his eyes burned out. Cas on the ground, wings scorched into the earth.

           Living with so many lies, it’s hard to parse through the truth. Dean knows one.

           His life has never been fair.

#supernatural #spn #spn15 #15x16 drag me (away from you) #dean winchester #castiel #sam winchester #jack kline #billie the reaper #destiel #deancas #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfic #destiel fanfic #deancas fanfic #destiel coda #angst

[astudyinfreewill]

welp, we’re almost there - only 15x19 and 15x20 left to go in the rewatch, and you best believe i will not be sitting through them sober!!

tonight i watched 15x16 and 15x17 for the first time (i have. many thoughts about them, of which almost none are good and almost all are rage)... but more importantly i’ve just rewatched 15x18 and i’m Going Through It in the worst of ways, so i’m bringing back this fic i wrote literally on the night of the finale, before i knew just how dirty they were going to do us, dean winchester, and the show as a whole. a more innocent time if you will 🙃

so here!! the author’s notes aged like milk, but nonetheless, please accept this offering of 5k of grieving, soul-searching dean. it ends on a hopeful note if that helps, which is the best i have until i finish the finale coda i’m working on. (and since it’s past midnight over here, happy birthday, dean, you beautiful bastard. you deserved so much better -- including the chance to speak your truth.)

build me a city and call it jerusalem

15x19 coda; dean/castiel, 5k

warnings: temporary major character death (hey look, i was right about this one in the most ironic way!), internalized homophobia/biphobia, negative self-talk, dean Figuring Things Out

You said I could have anything I wanted, but I just couldn’t say it out loud.

*

They win.

The heroes save the day, and ride off into the literal sunset on their metaphorical horses.

They win. They win. They win.

Then why does Dean feel like he’s lost everything?

read it on AO3

#spn #spn fic #dean winchester #castiel #destiel #deancas #sam winchester #supernatural #reading the tags on the original post is... mortifying. #like. past!ambra really believed we had a chance huh. #anyway dean deserved to accept love and vocalise his love and come out to sam!! #ambra.txt #my writing

[pray4jensen]

After watching 15x16 and 15x17 promo:

*sigh*

*opens ao3 to any canon divergent spn fic*

honestly yeah,,,,,i miss writing and i used to write codas but there really isn’t anything happening this season,,,,,,

canon divergent fic seems like the best balm to this hurt,,,,,

#boredombabbles #ask #anon #there’s this one deancas coda i’ve wanted to write for a while #i keep waiting for the right moment #thinking it would go better with the next episode #but each week ends up being a disappointment #maybe i should just write it #i havent written a single thing in 2020 which is wild #considering how much i love writing and esp writing about our fav 2 fools in love

[mr-smith-wesson]

hi! I just finished reading the fic you recommended where dean doesnt want to teach sam to drive and omg! my heart :((( that was so so sweet. I love all your fic recs and I would love some more if you have any!

Hi!!! I hope you are having a good day/night!! That fic is so cute!! Here are fics I JUST read tonight!! :D enjoy!!!! (i’ll do a bigger rec this weekend :D

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3557720  sam is gone for a couple days and dean misses him so he wears his hoodie. (GOOD STUFF RIGHT THERE) <3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27173485 - Coda to 15x16 ! It’s been a week since SOMETHING tried to kill sam. (dean doesnt want to let sam out of his sight)

[gii-heylittleangel]

SPN Coda | 15x17 | angst & MCD & hurt/no comfort & ambiguous/open ending | 600 words

I know I should be posting the coda for 15x16 first, but it seems like it just doesn’t want to work, so I decided to skip it (at least for now). Instead, enjoy this angst filled coda.

Read it on AO3 or keep reading here.

*

Castiel feels empty, hollow. He has seen many people die; that’s what happens when you have lived for more than five thousand years. He has watched millions of different species die, entire cities, entire nations die. He has witnessed plagues that devastated populations and almost extinguished them. Wars that destroyed countries, persecutions that killed thousands of innocent people. Castiel has seen it all and it had never hurt him; it had never damaged him the way it does now.

Watching Jack, the boy he considers as his son, a mere child who has seen nothing but suffering and pain in his very short life, die fills Castiel with an unprecedented emptiness. He has seen Jack die two times now; he doesn’t want to watch it a third. He doesn’t want to hold Jack in his arms, watch as the divine light, the same one that burns inside Castiel, that gives him his own life, consume Jack until his eyes grow dark, the light of life extinguished in his eyes, until Jack stops moving, until his heart stops beating. Castiel doesn’t want to go through that again.

But there’s nothing he can do stop it. As he sees the light burning out Jack’s vessel, Jack’s body, Castiel knows there’s nothing he can do. He has never seen this before and his own powers are not strong enough. The only thing he can do is soothe some of Jack’s pain away, cradle him in his arms as Castiel burns his own grace to make the pain less unbearable to Jack, to try and give some small comfort to him, because he knows. Castiel knows it’s ending soon, that it won’t be long before the light burns it all away; before it consumes everything in its path.

People are always afraid of the dark, afraid of what they can’t see in it, but they’re never afraid of the light. And that’s where they’re wrong. The light is the one people should be worried about; the light is what consumes worlds, stars, people. It’s what destroys plantations, lives, and everything in its path without hesitation. The light is more dangerous because it shows itself as good, as something that will bring you joy and peace, but it’s just a cover for all the bad that hides in it. The light, if it’s strong enough, can be as blinding as the darkness. The difference between them is in the false sense of security people have in the light, the wrongful belief that the light is safe.

As he looks into Jack’s eyes, sees the skin burning around them, Castiel realizes one other thing: whenever you talk about seeing someone die, especially someone you love, you say the light is going out in their eyes, that the light is fading in them. At this moment, Castiel can see how Jack’s eyes grow darker, even as divine light burns through his body, and he hates it; he hates the light, he hates the reminder of it, of what it represents. Castiel hates knowing the same light that it’s killing Jack is what gives Castiel himself life.

When Jack’s body finally stops moving, when his spams of pain stop, Castiel finally feels the pain in his heart, as he has never felt before. Jack’s body still burns, the light trying to destroy it completely and Castiel burns the last drops of his grace to stop it, to keep intact whatever he can of Jack’s body. 

The emptiness turns into weakness and pain, and Castiel doesn’t know if he can handle it; he doesn’t know if he can survive it, not again. 

#spn spoilers #spn 15x17 #15x17 #spn coda #writersofdestiel #littleangelwrites #castiel #mcd #jack kline

[idabbleincrazy]

End of the Year Writing Recap

What a wild ride 2020 has been, huh? But hey, through all the trials and tribulations, we’re still here, we made it through, and hopefully found ways to grow in the process. We found solace in each other, and in our hobbies, found ways to help each other smile and laugh, gave each other shoulders to cry on, lent our ears for those who just needed someone to listen, and gave each other reasons to keep up the fight, to keep going, one foot in front of the other. 

One hobby that kept me occupied and kept my mind from getting stuck in the mire was of course, writing. I had a lot of Firsts this year, writing-wise, all of which I’ll recap here, along with all the other things I managed to finish.

I started the year with my first Destiel smut, broadened my character range (Loki, Rowena, Ketch) and wrote for a few more ships (Gabriel/Ketch/Rowena, SamWitch, Sabrena). I participated in an exchange, joined FicFacer$ for the first time, and got my first commission! My Muse found solace in some new fandoms (Farscape, The Magicians, Blonde, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer), and found inspiration to write more in my less-often explored fandoms (iZombie, Lucifer, and Kings of Con). I created a new OFC for a SPN/Burlesque crossover, wrote some truly angsty pieces smattered amongst piles of Fluff and Smut fics. Had a blast with Gif Drabbles and hosted a challenge or two. I made new friends in fellow creators, and hit a few Milestones (750 followers, 100 fics, and my 2nd Blogiversary), and actually managed to Blackout a couple Bingos! With all the love and support, I ended up posting over 120k words through the course of this harrowing year, and hope to keep the words coming for the foreseeable future.

Thank you all for sticking with me on this journey, and I look forward to the next year and what it will bring. 

2020 Masterlist:

January:

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Aftermath

February: The Muse defeated me for a few weeks.

March:

Resolute

Ride It

April:

The Hunting Cabin

Say My Name

Lust For Life

Better

Busted

Lust For Life: Slaked

May:

At the Age of Thirty-Seven

The Static Between the Channels

Best Shark Week Ever Ch. 1

Bes Shark Week Ever Ch. 2

Celebration

Caught

Pierced

Good Boy

The King and His Demon

June:

Ask and Ye Shall Receive Ch.2

Ask and Ye Shall Receive Ch.3 

Just What I Needed 

July:

Clark Fucking Kent

Behind Blue Eyes

Jacksonville, FL: Day Two

Prove It

Spellbound

August:

The Best View on Sunset Strip

Forgiven

Screw Subtle

Anything, Anything

Under His Command

September:

Screw Subtle Part Two

Have A Taste

A is for Accent

Getting to Know You

What We Do for the Ones We Love

Hunger

Are You Trying to Tempt Me, Detective?

Flustered

Reality, Not Porn, Dean

Baby Steps

To a Job Well Done

Better Late Than Never

Stamford, CT

Ideas

Dressed For Success

Daddy, Indeed

#Seriously

If You Want Something Don E. Right

October:

Liv and Let Rage

Asking For It

Riled Up

Prey

Sir Lucifer, Slayer of Dragons

Branson, MO

B is For Bondage

Fix You

15x16 Coda

One Last Hurrah

Venus in Furs

One Kink Leads to Another

Sweet to Taste, Saccharine

In for a Penny, In for a Pound

November:

Work for It

We Are Gemini: Rave On

Come On, Leave Me Breathless

We Are Gemini: Whole Lotta Shakin’ Going On

December:

Graveyard Surprises

Entire masterlist found here.

#2020 masterpost #end of the year recap

[frankchurchillsaysrelax]

15x16 coda

They’ve been standing at Levi’s car saying goodbye for the last five minutes.

‘This is what love feels like,’ Levi thinks in wonderment as Nico leans down laying another tempting kiss to his lips.

“Are you staying at my place tonight?” Nico stays close, their mouths brushing with each word as the air between them warms with their shared breaths.

“Sounds great.” Levi cards his fingers through the hair at the nape of Nico’s neck and takes pleasure in the way it makes Nico’s eyes flutter shut. “Want me to grab dinner on my way?”

“Mmm, the Thai place you got last time?”

Levi’s responding nod slots their lips together again. At this rate they’ll never leave the parking lot, not that either of them are complaining.

A car horn startles them apart. Dahlia waves from the passenger seat of Taryn’s car, grinning like a maniac. The spell is sufficiently broken.

Nico opens the car door and Levi’s heart does an embarrassing little motion that he doesn’t believe is medically possible. Maybe someday he’ll ask Dr. Pierce.

“See you at home,” Nico says with a small, private smile before turning to walk to his own car. Levi doesn’t stop smiling all the way to the restaurant.

Standing in line he replays the last thirty minutes again and again in his mind committing as many details as he can to memory. But, as it so often does, one spark of doubt finds its way into his thoughts and threatens to set everything ablaze.

It doesn’t bother him that Nico didn’t say it back, not really. He doesn’t want him to feel obligated to say it, and maybe it wasn’t right of him to ask if he was going to. Levi moves to sit in the waiting area after placing his order, his thoughts continuing to slowly spiral.

What if Nico isn’t there yet? He knows that what they have is real, that Nico’s feelings for him are true and only growing stronger. He could see it on his face when he told him he loves him, sees it every day that they spend together. But that doesn’t mean he’s in love.

What if it was too soon for Levi to be saying it? Their relationship is still relatively new after all and having never done this before Levi has no clue if there are unspoken rules dictated by society that he’s meant to be following. But no, he’s knows how he feels. He hasn’t been this sure of anything since the first time he held a scalpel and knew that no matter how hard it got he wanted to be a surgeon.

He doesn’t regret saying it and he has no expectations of Nico having to reciprocate, so why does he still feel like a weight is pressing down on his chest forcing his lungs to struggle for each breath.

He can’t go back to Nico like this. If there is even the slightest chance that Nico feels weird about their conversation, then Levi freaking out will only make it worse. He sends Nico a text telling him there is a short wait and he’ll be a little longer even as his number is called and he’s taking the bag of food and walking back to his car.

He sits there for a while taking deep breaths. The parking meter is still good for another five minutes; once that runs out then he’ll be ready to go.

By the time he is pulling out of his spot the meter has been expired for close to ten.

He feels mostly better as he’s walking up to Nico’s building, almost as if the closer he gets to him the calmer he feels. Once he’s pushing the buzzer, he’s more focused on the continuous growling of his stomach than anything else.

He turns the knob on the front door, knowing from experience that Nico will have left it open for him, and abruptly stops with only one foot inside.

Candles light up the entire open living space creating an ethereal glow to the small apartment he has started to think of as a second home. There must be dozens of them and standing in the middle of it all is Nico.

He radiates softness and warmth and home, having changed into a well worn pair of flannel bottoms and the green henley with the holes at the collar that Levi’s fingers always manage to play with even in sleep. His hair is falling against his forehead in that way that makes him look so vulnerable, something for Levi’s eyes only, and he looks more beautiful than ever before.

Nico holds out a hand towards him and the smile he offers is almost shy. Levi closes the door and gently sets the food and his backpack on the floor before toeing off his shoes, never taking his eyes off this incredible man.

The second he is within arms reach Nico is tugging him into his personal space, an endearing gesture revealing his impatience to be closer that Levi is all too familiar with by now. He cups Levi’s face in both hands and presses their foreheads together but doesn’t say anything. They stand there for several extended moments simply enjoying the fact that they are here together. Any lingering doubt in Levi is completely extinguished by the nearly overwhelming sensations of comfort and rightness that he feels in this instant.

Nico draws back just far enough that they can see each other’s eyes. He’s still holding Levi’s face in his hands and Levi has never felt so cherished as he does now.

“I love you too.”

Nico’s voice is barely more than a whisper but the words are big and beautiful and Levi is determined not to cry because if he starts he doesn’t think he will stop and wouldn’t that just kill the mood.

He guides Nico to him with roaming hands on his face and neck and in his hair for a kiss brimming with emotion. He’s sure he’ll find the words to describe this moment later but for now he pours it all into this kiss. He lets Nico pull him back towards the bed, their dinner momentarily abandoned.

There it is again.

This is what love feels like.

#trust nico kim to make sure the first time someone tells levi they love him is as romantic as possible #ignoring fire safety laws for romance deal with it #this is just my own little present to myself #my fic #schmico fic #schmico #grey’s anatomy

[lancereal]

HEY I posted a deancas fic check it out if u want :-)

#destiel #deancas #15x16 coda

[idabbleincrazy]

Other Supernatural Fic Masterlist

(* indicates smut)

Sam x Rowena:

To Be Loved

Sam Drabbles:

Whatever The Cost

15x16 Coda

Sam x Bela:

Dream a Little Dream of Me...Again *

Cas Ficlet:

Sweet Cherry Pie

Loki Featured Fic:

Getting To Know You (Loki x Miranda)

Never Have I Ever (A Series Of Shots): 

Say My Name * (Sam x Reader)

#spn fic masterlist #masterlist #spn fanfic