#15x19 inherit the earth | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

missmouse43 · 2 years

Text

Safe In Your Arms

Summary: After returning from The Empty Cas is left feeling unsettled in his new life and struggles to fall asleep during the nights.

Dean manages to fix that in a surprising way.

Pairing: Castiel/Dean Winchester

Warnings: None

Words: 2.2k

Read on: AO3

Five days.

It had been five days since Castiel was rescued from the Empty.

Five days of adjusting to his new life as a human and not an angel.

Five days of lying awake in bed at night staring up at the ceiling while sleep eludes him.

How long had it been since he gingerly crawled under the covers of his previously unused bed and turned out the lights? Minutes? Hours? He couldn’t remember. This was his routine. After another long and confusing day of stumbling his way through all the challenges humanity had to offer, Cas would slink off to his bedroom after Sam and Dean had already turned in for the night and he’d lie in bed and think.

He’d think and think and think to the point of giving himself a headache. Because of his premature death Cas was left playing catch-up, and between learning the logistics of Chuck’s defeat and his son becoming the new God, there was a lot to catch up on.

Cas had to process, accept, and find a way to move on with all this new information while simultaneously dealing with his own identity crisis, and at times it could be overwhelming. There was never a “proper way” to come back from the dead, but Cas—ever a glutton for punishment—couldn’t help but think the choices he had made that led him to this point hadn’t made this transition any easier on him.

But despite all these things piling up on his shoulders at once, Cas couldn’t regret his choices.

He didn’t regret making the deal to exchange his own life for Jack’s and spend eternity in the nothingness of The Empty. He didn’t regret telling Dean his true feelings and invoking said deal to save the eldest Winchester one last time. He didn’t even regret choosing to give up his grace and return to Earth as a human permanently.

Making those decisions had been painful, and sometimes they still were when Jack would express his lingering guilt over Cas’s sacrifice through teary eyes. Or when Dean would act awkward and distant around him during their moments alone together, which had become a rarity since his return to the bunker.

Or when Cas would experience moments of crippling anxiety and fear when coming to the realization that he would need to figure out what he was going to do for the rest of his life; without Heaven, without wings, without a common enemy, without a purpose.

It hurt. It hurt so much and Cas was struggling.

But it was all worth it to get to where he was now.

The world was saved.

He had a home.

He had a family.

He had curiosities, wants, and aspirations that he was now free to pursue without duty or circumstance holding him back. It was his first taste of freedom… probably ever. The possibilities were endless.

Cas knew he would never get everything he wanted—Dean being the most obvious exception—but Cas had already made peace with that long before a tearful confession had left his lips. He meant what he said about finding his true happiness in the simple purity of loving Dean Winchester as fervently as he did, and having the opportunity to finally express that directly to him was more than Cas had ever dreamed of having.

It was enough. Or at least that's what Cas tried to convince himself of. It had to be if he wanted to remain a part of the Winchester family and stay by Dean's side.

There was still so much uncertainty about the road ahead, but for the first time in a long time Cas was hopeful. So long as those he cared for most remained by his side Cas would continue to fight. Only this time it was a different kind of fight; a quieter, personal thing that would take time and energy and patience to overcome.

It would also take sleep.

God, he was so tired.

Cas had no idea how Dean could function as well as he did on his measly four hours. Cas could barely make it through the days without nodding off at the breakfast table. Or dozing in the backseat of the impala on trips to the grocery store. Apparently the brothers were worried about him enough for Sam to offer him some pills during a stiff conversation in the library on the third day of his return, while Dean lingered behind a bookshelf pretending not to listen. But Cas had turned him down, too weary of developing a vice so early on into his new life to seriously consider taking it at the time.

But now?

No, Cas firmly told himself. You can do this. Just close your eyes and stop thinking. So that’s exactly what he did. He squeezed his eyes shut and he waited. And waited. And waited some more.

It’s no use.

Cas let out a sigh into the eerie quietness of the room and rubbed the palms of his hands over his eyes out of frustration. At this rate he might as well get out of bed and make himself a cup of coffee just to survive through the rest of the night. Or maybe he could pray to Jack and see if he could take a break from reforming Heaven to have an in-person visit for awhile; talking to his son always helped put his mind at ease.

Or maybe he could head back into the library. There were still some old books he had yet to crack open and—

Cas’s scattered thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on his bedroom door. On instinct Cas jolted up into a sitting position as his heart rate sped up and his right hand twitched towards the drawer on his nightstand where he knew an angel blade had been tucked away in case of emergencies.

That weapon was his lifeline. He couldn’t protect himself as well as he used to. He was vulnerable now. Fragile and old.

So easily broken.

After a shaky demand of asking who was there and hearing Dean’s muffled “It’s me” coming from the other side of the door, Cas briefly wondered how long it would be before he started to feel safe here. The ex angel was immediately reassured after hearing his friend’s voice and cleared his throat before gently calling out to him.

“Come in.”

The door opened and light from the hallway flooded into the room casting a white silhouette around Dean as he stepped inside and offered Cas a crooked smile in greeting.

“I thought you’d be awake,” he said.

Cas reached over and switched on his bedside lamp. A quick glance at the clock read 2:15 AM. Cas’s eyebrows creased in concern as he turned to face his visitor.

“Is something wrong? Are you alright?”

Dean was still wearing his sleep clothes and appeared to be relaxed, which helped reassure Cas that whatever it was Dean wanted from him in the middle of the night wasn’t something urgent. Or at least wasn’t something that would lead to danger.

Dean shook his head a little as he closed the door behind him and then padded across the floor in socked feet towards the bed. “I’m fine, Cas. Just thought you’d like some company.”

“Oh.”

That was… surprising to say the least. But, well, he really would like the company, and if it just so happened to be the company of his favourite human... Cas had no intention of questioning Dean’s offer.

Perhaps he wasn’t the only one having trouble sleeping tonight.

Now at his bedside, Dean reached out and flipped back the blankets before giving the ex angel’s arm a gentle shove to the opposite side of the bed. “Scoot over, cowboy,” he said with a smirk.

For a moment Cas just sits and stares at him. He doesn’t have time to overanalyze the situation before Dean is climbing into his bed with such ease that it causes Cas to become flustered. Self-conscious and overly aware of not coming off as too eager, Cas shimmies over to the other side and slides down to make room for Dean to settle in next to him.

He expects Dean to lie down on his back with a minimal amount of space between them (as much space as two grown men in a double bed would allow) but instead Dean sidles up right next to him and all in the same motion rests his head down on the ex angel’s chest.

Cas automatically adjusts to accommodate Dean’s body invading his space by wrapping one arm around his shoulders and placing his opposite hand on top of Dean’s hand that was now resting open-palmed on Cas’s stomach.

A second later Cas completely freezes realizing that might have been a horrible mistake; that his instinctual desire to hold the hunter close might be the thing to scare Dean off.

Dean doesn’t pull away.

For a moment the two lie in complete silence bathed in the warm glow of the lamp. Cas knows a gift like this would probably never befall him again. He’s scared of ruining whatever fragile beauty they were creating in this moment and was clueless as ever of what humans considered to be acceptable when it came to cuddling with your best friend who you've been in love with for nearly a decade, knowing full well that he didn't feel the same in return.

They had never done this before--crossed this unspoken line between platonic touches to... something intimate. He didn’t know the rules. But, then again, Cas had never been very good at following those anyway. He was also a little bit selfish, and as scared as he was of fracturing their friendship anymore than he already had, he just had to know.

He had to.

Wetting his lips, Cas slowly inhales and holds the breath in his lungs. Dean’s head rises right along with his chest and it triggers a reactionary sigh from the hunter’s own mouth; not bothered or irritated sounding, but more purposeful as if he was hyping himself up for something.

Cas counts to three before giving in.

“What is this?” he whispers on the exhale, and he’s sure Dean can hear how fast his heart is beating right now directly below his ear.

Dean exhales a scoff that was neither unkind nor constructive in helping the ex angel understand his motives, and it leaves Cas in a state of utter confusion.

“Love, you idiot,” Dean says a second later, gruff but unmistakable. Then, a little softer, a little more earnest when Cas doesn’t say anything back. “It’s love, Cas.”

Cas barely notices when the tears spring to his eyes. All he can focus on is the calm and steady heartbeat of the man on top of him; of the way Dean’s calloused fingers tangle between his own on his stomach as if it’s the most natural thing in the world for them to do. And maybe it is, because as contradictory as it was to everything Cas had thought up until this very moment—

Cas actually believed him.

They hadn’t talked about it yet, about what Cas’s declaration of love meant for them, for their relationship, but Dean wouldn’t lie. Not about this. His actions and words were deliberate. He knew how this looked and how Cas would interpret it. Which could only mean one thing.

He meant it.

He meant it and Cas believed him.

Cas attempted to swallow the forming lump in his throat but that only made his vision blurrier. There were a million different things he wanted to express in that moment: fear, uncertainty, relief, gratitude, elation, but he couldn’t get the actual words to take form and leave his mouth.

Everything— this moment was everything to him, everything he thought he could never have, and all he could say was a tiny, watery whispered “…Ok.”

Dean must have been able to hear how choked up he was getting because Cas could feel him smiling against his T-shirt as he gave their linked fingers a brief squeeze that Cas recognized as an attempt to soothe and comfort.

“Now try and get some shuteye, huh?” Dean said, coming off as remarkably cool and collected for a man who just changed the course of Castiel's entire life with three deceptively simple words.

Cas nodded his head causing the stubble on his chin to catch on Dean’s hair. “Yes,” he agreed.

Dean reached over to shut off the lamp before snuggling down onto him again and closing his eyes. Cas held on a little tighter as he angled his chin down and felt secure enough to press a light kiss to the crown of Dean’s head. Then he just didn’t pull away. A mixture of Old Spice shampoo and something that was inherently Dean scented flooded his nostrils acting as a calming balm to any lingering anxieties the ex angel might have still had.

Cas slowly closes his eyes and finds himself in a deep sleep only a few minutes later thanks to the solid warmth of Dean’s body and the sound of his slow, rhythmic breathing. It ends up being the best sleep Cas has had in the last five days, and every night afterwards he spends with Dean in his arms turns out the same.

Yes, there was so much uncertainty about the road ahead. But the one thing Cas was absolutely certain of?

Love.

And with that in abundance, Cas was ready to face the great unknown of his future with open arms.

#my fic #destiel #safe in your arms #deancas #post-15x19 Inherit the Earth #cas-centric #angst and fluff #cuddling #love confessions #getting together #soft boys

30 notes · View notes