#2. they might have received support after their trauma and you didn't

[circulars-reasoning]

"Teacher Therapy" -- JFC

Anyone ready for a break from my usual content? Good, stay with me.

A friend linked me this absolutely fucking god awful video, and I really need a good break to write about what I'm actually passionate about (Teaching). I cannot resist writing a live-blog reaction commentary to this. Below is Teacher Discourse, and the video is all about why this person quit teaching due to... a lack of corporal punishment in schools???? Boy howdy, let's get into this.

Timestamps are listed out, and those are when I paused to address what was just said.

TW for: Advocating for Child Abuse, mentions of trauma, and an entire ramble about, y'know. The American School System.

Timestamp 0:15 - Those of you who aren't teachers might be wondering what these behavioral plans are. She explains them later in the video, but I thought it might help you to see them described here.

Maybe you had them as a kid, maybe you didn't, but they're all the rage nowadays. She specifically mentions PBIS (which actually is not what the system is called anymore - this specific behavioral system is called MTSS now, or "Multi Tiered Student/Structural Supports." I'll be calling it PBIS, or "Positive Behavioral Interventions & Supports," for the purposes of this post, as what this teacher is specifically bitching about pertains to the structure of punishment.). I happen to work at a school which uses PBIS, so here's the breakdown of how it works:

Students receive positive or negative reinforcement for good behaviors. Positive Reinforcements (such as school currency, more recess time provided, or mid-month games for good behavior) and Negative Reinforcements (such as removal of assignments, removal of class-time, early dismissals) are given for individuals, whole classes, or entire schools in the case of good behaviors. Then, for bad behaviors, students receive positive and negative punishments. Negative punishments (removal of privileges, removal of peer attention, etc) are typically used less than positive punishments. Positive punishments in PBIS look like "Steps." Here's my school's step system:

At the start of the year, and throughout the school year, the values presented by the PBIS system are shown to students, with clear expectations. Students are told that they will receive steps when they have broken or ignored these PBIS standards. A student misbehaves in Semester 1 by speaking during a test during English, which goes against the Respectful standard. After many informal warnings about this behavior, the behavior continues, and the student receives a Step. This is Step One. Step One is a formal warning, and an email home. Then, they misbehave the next day in Math by breaking pencils - also against the Respectful standard (this one gets broken the most, I won't lie). They receive Step Two, which is a classroom reflection form and an email home. Step Three is a lunch detention. Step Four is a meeting with an administrator and a counselor. And Step Five is a referral. The student cannot get rid of steps, but they reset at the start of Semester 2. Students also cannot get two steps in one day unless the teacher who wants to give a second step contacts the counselor first. I've never seen a student earn two in one day.

To put it in perspective - the majority of my students, by this end of Semester 2 (when teachers and kids are more burnt out and volatile) currently have at most two steps. There are some who have, like, 12, but they are very rare and often have problems that a school management system cannot solve (disorders, trauma, etc) and are handled on a more case by case basis. Also, students who do bigger actions - for instance, punching another student or threatening another student - receive referrals and bigger consequences, bypassing the step system due to the severity of the broken rule.

The TL;DR: PBIS is a system of positive and negative supports that encourage students to follow well detailed rules. If students break the rules, they receive increasingly more severe consequences. Students are given more chances to learn from mistakes this way, and it genuinely works in the placement I am at currently. Let's see how this woman fucks it up.

0:22 - "I hate to say the quality of kids, but- haha" Oh so you're a mask off kid-hater. Awesome! Yeah, there's a reason you hate to say it, and it's because you're arguing that kids have value based on their behaviors. That a kid can have a level of quality, like they're a fucking watermelon that's a little overripe at the store. The elementary schoolers are not produce you can scrunch your nose at, Martha, that's a living person!!!

0:28 - "The moral development of the kids in our classrooms are at a totally different place." No? Coming from someone who went into teaching straight out of schooling, absolutely not. I see the same exact behaviors at the schools I teach at that I always saw, with some minor variations in sourcing of behaviors. For instance, when I was school, kids would vandalize because their friends dared them to. Now, the kids vandalize because TikTok told them to. Wow, big difference, still a problem (and I could rant about how social media is harmful, but that's neither here nor now).

0:56 - "If you were to go to other countries-" I"m going to cut you off right there. Your gripe is with the American school system. I don't give a fuck what it's like in other countries at the moment, because taking into consideration their behavioral supports also means dissecting the health care in that country, the poverty levels in that country, the socio-economic status of the individuals attending school, the rigor of the teaching degrees in those countries, the age of the goddamn students being spoken about-- this is such a useless point to mention, and we aren't even a minute into the video!!! If you have a complaint about the American school system, mention it, obviously, but not in your video which, thus far, seems to be about why kids are morally bankrupt.

1:26 - "Those out of control schools are the very ones that gravitate toward these kind of New Age discipline philosophies." Oh my god. Woman. 1, no, that's blatantly false; schools of all kinds are making the switch to these systems because it's shown a marked improvement on behavioral issues when done well. 2, NEW AGE DISCIPLINE PHILOSOPHIES?? PBIS was introduced in 1997. That's the year I was BORN woman! 3, it's not a discipline philosophy. PBIS isn't about discipline. IT'S IN THE NAME!!! PBIS is meant to be a behavioral intervention and support. Intervention and Support means to correct someones course in life to prevent negative outcomes. Discipline means, and direct quote from the Google Definition here because it's perfect in this regard: "the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience." So your issue with PBIS is that it doesn't condition students to obey you. At least tell it like it is.

1:59 - 'Here's my definition of PBIS for those who don't know-- anyways I made a poll for people to tell me if they want to bring back corporal punishment.' WHAT? Define the word!!! Define what it is!!! And god, what does the survey have to do with anything? How did your students learn anything when you jump tracks this quick?

2:15 - "People actually voted more highly in favor of bringing back corporal punishment, but it wasn't as big of a gap as I thought." That's disgusting, and I wish it were a bigger gap, in that I wish that there was .00001% of responders who said they wanted the punishment brought back. A teacher should never fucking advocate for the physical discomfort or distress of a child. Fucking hell. How did about 55% of people agree with hurting children? Disgusting.

2:31 - WHY DID YOU NEED TO MENTION THAT PADDLING IS STILL LEGAL IN SOME STATES??? Please someone fucking write to those senators of those 19 states (I should look up to make sure my state isn't one, jfc. EDIT: WHAT IN THE GODDAMN HOW MANY ABUSE VICTIMS ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? Oh my god I feel sick. It's not my state thank fuck but please consider writing to your senators to get this shit banned.)

2:51 - "They call that punitive and they say that's bad bad bad- hmhmm!" That's because it is. Do not half-chuckle at me, I do not agree with your thoughts that physical discomfort is somehow a good teaching tool.

2:54 - "Office referrals are completely off the table." Straight up lies. Unless you mean the extraneous referrals teachers who were salty were writing up for... throwing a pencil across the room out of anger? Y'know, she probably means that. She probably means that she isn't able to give a referral to that kid she hates.

3:21 - "The worst behaved kids are the ones getting all the rewards." That's because it's not rewards for behavior. It's conditioning. It's literally giving them rewards for the GOOD behaviors they have, to show them that these good behaviors have good repercussions, and the more things they do good, the better things are for them. The students who are already well behaved don't need a cheer squad celebrating that they sat in their chair that day instead of standing on it. This woman seems to think that showing kids that struggle with their behavior that good behavior has good repercussions is somehow rewarding the bad behaviors. (There's a lot I could say about this idea, and a lot of stuff I would love to discuss honestly, but I'm only 3 minutes into this dumpster fire.)

3:32 - The PBIS system actually has entire pages detailing why giving too many material based rewards (like the bag of candy she mentions) is actually a very bad idea. Instead, we should be giving them material rewards for behaviors at the start, but also positive affirmations and helping them see the consequences of their actions. "Hey, here's a [school currency], and look! Because you focused today, you turned in that assignment, which turns your grade into a B. I'm so proud of your progress today, keep it up!" The kid is going to correlate good behavior to good repercussions. You slowly stop giving out material rewards unless the kid still needs that support. But lord knows she never got to that point with her kids if she was only using PBIS as a punishment system, rather than behavioral management.

3:44 - If your best skill for "motivating students" was negative punishment (removal of privileges), then you should have been fired a LONG time ago. One of the biggest skills teachers need to have is learning how to motivate their students to learn simply because learning is amazing. My kids work hard, because I purposely choose books and curriculum alternatives that interest them. I give them surveys about how I can teach them better, and then I actively show them I am listening to them by actually doing the things they request. I discuss their requests! The form is 100% anonymous too. Treat the kids like people!! (Also? The kids still get detention, loss of recess, and especially in-school suspensions! It's just that we don't give them out for just any behavior we feel like -- we don't rule over the kids nearly as much as teachers like you would like).

4:00 - All of the attention is going to the kids who are acting out... as a means... to get attention they are lacking... and you're upset about this??? Does the attention really need to be going 100% all kids all the time full tilt, or are we able to focus on the kids who need more equitable attention? JFC, you're literally upset that kids who need more attention are now getting the attention they need.

4:17 - "The worst behaved kids got snacks!" Your kid was acting out because they were hungry. Full stop. A lot of the students you have actually experience a lot of food insecurity. That's exactly the kind of thing PBIS is helping to address; we show them through the step system that the way they're handling this situation isn't okay, and they need to change the behavior. Let's do a story here. I had a student who I gave a step to because he was playing games in class, which is against the school rules, and he'd already received his informal warnings. This led me to contact home. This led the parent to screen him for ADHD, because he had been reminded so many times to stop. This led to that student getting accommodations for extended time. We helped the student get benefits he needed. The snacks are no different; the student being sent to the office talks to a counselor, opens up about being hangry, and gets food because that's what they need to be successful. Punishing kids for being developmentally children, for being fucking human, is never going to work.

4:24 - Awww, someone's salty that the students told the principal how shitty she was. Newsflash, kids are oftentimes going to hate you because they're kids and you are in a position of authority over you. And that is 100% valid. I think that's fair of the student, because they're still learning to attribute their frustration of the system to the system. The student may hate you, and that's fine. Your job is not to make a child like you. In all honesty, I think students hating teachers is incredibly normal, because many of them have yet to realize that you are a human being and not just a cog in the authoritarian machine they're living under.

4:29 - This is the only point of hers that I agree with so far - A LOT of these systems are not being used the way they're supposed to be. Many teachers are using them as discipline, rather than interventions. They use them as a punishment - "be quiet or you will get a step." I've also found myself slipping down this path from time to time, and it absolutely is not helpful, to you or the kids. PBIS is an intervention system; it needs to be used to show students that the current behavior isn't working, and they need to tackle their problems by using the PBIS standards. I genuinely feel that PBIS needs a lot more clarity for the students, and that teachers need more training in it than they get. But let's see what her complaints are.

4:33 - BRIBE THE KID MODE??? Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh read a study on developing intrinsic vs extrinsic motivations in children you-- uuugh

4:47 - Classrooms would be silent, and "well-behaved," and absolutely no learning would get done. You would get your wish for perfectly behaved children because you'd be abusing them. This is traumatic. (This is also an overgeneralization - you would have longer stretches of quiet as you conditioned the students into being Perfect Angels, but you would inevitably run into the kids who have a Fight response to your punishment, and that is when you will be ill equipped to teaching that kid how to not try to kill you). You are talking about abusing children in the hopes of making them obey. Your job is to fucking teach them. Re-read the job description.

5:10 - HOW DOES SCRUBBING TOILETS HELP CORRECT BEHAVIOR OF BEING A JERK TO YOU IN CLASS? Genuinely, HOW? Even if you are going the punishment route, even IF you try to utilize that incredibly flawed premise... the punishment would need to correlate to the behavior you're trying to fix. This is why these people are awful teachers. They don't teach; they try to control, manipulate, and traumatize children into giving them the power rush they want.

5:19 - "And help beautify your school!" If the child is mouthing off at you, then you need to address that behavior. If the child connects mouthing off with "you are now being punished for that action by being a janitor" -- it's entirely likely they will then see those jobs as punishments, labeling those who have to do it as someone who did something "wrong." You're setting up incredibly bad associations, and now you've traumatized that child into believing that cleaning something indicates something is wrong. Source: I can't clean the bathroom without dissociating because cleaning = punishment, so if I'm cleaning, it's because I fucked up. Trauma fucks you up!

5:22 - My eyes have rolled so far that I got to see the inside of my brain melting from your rancid bullshit.

5:27 - The people cheering are child abusers.

5:33 - "We know at a deep internal level that it would work." It would traumatize them into obeying you. I'm so disgusted that you thought teaching was the best job for you. I'm so glad you quit. I hope everyone like you quits.

5:38 - Loosey Goosey??? It is well researched my guy. Like. It has been researched. (That last link is, sadly, the best I could find for that particular article.) You're just salty because it helps kids mental health instead of their "discipline."

5:43 - Bitch I was a long term sub for two straight years at both the middle and high school levels. I have been sliced open with nails, kids have attempted to asphyxiate me, and clocks/trash cans/phones have all been thrown at me. I get what you're talking about, and each and every instance of this was kids who had a disconnect between their behaviors and the reasons for those behaviors. Each time. 100%, I do not blame those children for their behaviors at all, because nobody had taught them how to connect their feelings to healthy actions. Their frustration about me asking them to sit led to them genuinely trying to kill me. That is how much people like you (and the exact opposite of you, but that might be for a different post) have hurt these children.

6:04 - Oh god if you're saying this is controversial NOW, I'm terrified for the upcoming escalation. Was the child abuse not controversial?!!

6:15 - T. Tiny little monster people. Ma'am. Ma'am that is an entire ass human person. That's just a living breathing individual. Imagine being the ex-student of this cunt. Imagine seeing her call you, someone who was in elementary school at the time, a monster. My heart goes out to everyone who had to suffer with this abuser in their lives.

6:19 - THE WORST OF HUMANITY THAT IS INSIDE ALL OF US? Honey, it's not inside you, you're wearing it like it's Gucci!

6:32 - The worst of humanity is not getting embodied in these students. I am so stunned that someone could even possibly suggest this. What in the goddamn. And you go on to describe behaviors like... oh no... they spit! Yes, the worst of humanity -- dictators, abusers, bigots, etc. -- clearly committed the worst sin of all: spitting. Shove a cactus up your ass and spin, and I swear, it would hurt less than me having to listen to you speak.

6:49 - I do not trust any single person who describes a student as manipulative. That is an Entire Ass Child.

7:15 - "They have them completely fooled." I am almost too disgusted for words... Reminder, this woman taught ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. Little ones, who are just learning school for the first time. And she is calling them, little monsters, "untrained," THE WORST OF HUMANITY???? How can anyone possibly agree with this woman? How do you get so jaded in a career that YOU CHOSE? If you ever, EVER, find yourself agreeing with what this woman says, then do not interact with a child ever again. I am so repulsed by her monologue here about how children are the scum of the earth when "untrained."

7:40 - Now you argue that right and wrong are being defined incorrectly? I do not trust this argument, ever. It SCREAMS puritan values. Tell me, what have we really 'redefined' about right and wrong?

8:11 - You've given no context for why the woman, a grown ass adult woman, was screaming at another. What was the context of the behavior?? Why did the woman need to have security called? Oh, that's right, your concern is to have people obedient, not actually fixing what's wrong in their life. Nice to see that extends to literal college aged students. Jesus christ how does anyone manage to hold a conversation with you without crying?

8:29 - Oooh so you're upset about riots huh? You're not a fan of people defending their rights. Unsurprising.

8:44 - Take a drink, she's used the word brainwashed! Hint: Children are not being brainwashed any more than this woman was brainwashed by HER OWN upbringing!

9:08 - Is. Is she suggesting that "Karen" culture is people... supporting Karens? Because genuinely, I have had to repeatedly remind my friends that politely requesting their food not be literally deadly for them to eat is not being a "Karen." Like, "Karen" culture is so blatantly negative and a Bad Thing that people are attributing completely normal behaviors to being a Kar- ooooh that's what this woman is doing. Oh. Oooooh. Yeah you're an asshole.

9:23 - Shocker of all shockers, when a student has a mental breakdown, an administrator, counselor, or parent, might want to know... y'know... what triggers them. That's why they're asking what you did. They're trying to get to the bottom of what caused the meltdown, and 9/10 times, it's caused by a figure in authority doing something that made them uncomfortable. Grow up and admit you make mistakes.

9:32 - THAT'S BECAUSE THEY ARE JUSTIFIED! The feelings they had are OKAY TO FEEL! Their feelings ARE VALID. The BEHAVIOR is not. WHICH IS WHY WE ARE TRYING TO PREVENT THE BEHAVIOR. (And the feelings, because genuinely, discomfort does not aid learning and actively negatively impacts it! So we want to prevent discomfort!!)

9:40 - Just realized this section is called "entitlement." =_= Gag me.

9:53 - Once again: not random. These random systems are not random -- they're well researched. For those curious, the "horrible" ideas she mentions here, like not saying no to kids, are also research based, and yes, they do work. It contributes to a growth mindset, where students don't feel like they're forever trapped in who they are in the moment.

10:10 - ... Should. Should the responsibility NOT be on the teachers? Like. You are in charge of (if you're like me) 140 students in a single day, each day, every day. YEAH I HOPE YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM. It is YOUR responsibility to take care of them. Again, please, reread your job description.

10:35 - She brushes up on actually good topics here - administrators struggling under state standards, the fact that testing drowns out the relationship building and negatively impacts learning, etc - but she's using these points to somehow argue that... it's the kid's fault? I'm so tired of this woman. The system is broken, and that is a problem, but that will never and has never been the fault of children. And yes, that IS why teachers are quitting in droves -- because the system is fucking broken and awful and I swear it is legitimately bringing me to an early grave. Still not the fault of the kids tho.

11:11 - The kids can't do this, actually. Have you tried? Cause I have. I'm an English teacher, and yes, I start off the school year each year with students writing out the rules and expectations before I teach them. I tell the kids to write down "what do you think the expectations of classrooms are?" And genuinely, only the "well behaved" kids SOMETIMES get it. (Actually, a lot of the underprivileged quiet kids hit the nail on the head with my rules, but that's a story for another time and not a 7 page essay already). THEY DO NOT KNOW THESE EXPECTATIONS UNTIL YOU EXPLICITLY TEACH THEM, and even then, you need to remind them, because they need to ACCESS those expectations! GOD I am tired of this woman.

11:37: WHAT'S THIS? The. There's a lack of correlation? Between behaviors and the natural consequences of their actions? It's almost like, when done properly, PBIS helps to build those correlations! But no, go ahead, rant about how you want kids cleaning toilet bowls because they said something disrespectful to you in class.

12:18 - Do I even need to say it?? Remarkably, shame is not a motivator. It has been shown that shaming kids actively hurts their learning, mental health, and achievement in all areas. But she doesn't care, because all she cares about is having an easy time. Teaching isn't easy. Boot up, bitch.

12:53 - Here's an example of a model that I think needs reworking. "I'm not mad, and you're not in trouble" isn't a bad first step... but "I am angry, I won't lie, and I need a second to calm down my anger. I'm going to breathe, and then we'll discuss why this happened, and how we can prevent it in the future" has always worked a lot better for me. I do agree with her that this isn't the best, but she needs to understand that when the rules are bad, you break them as a teacher. Straight up. That's what I do. They wanna fire me for being not a child abuser, thank god, I wouldn't wanna work there anyways. (And guess what? Since the kids like how I speak to them and how I communicate my emotions, they behave better in class, which leads to extended learning time, which leads to improved scores, which leads to me already being marked distinguished repeatedly on observations because, surprise surprise, I'm a good teacher cause I break the rules. Go figure!)

13:19 - YOU NEED TO TEACH THEM HOW TO REASON. You can't have an intellectual conversation at the level of adults with a student at that age! You need to break down their feelings and thoughts! Jesus CHRIST DID YOU TAKE DEVELOPMENTAL PSYCH? This isn't an "unpopular opinion," it's straight up misinformation.

13:46 - Aww, am I a mama bear now? But no, thinking about the worst situation I've seen in a classroom, I think back to the worst school I've subbed at. The reason it was the worst situation? The teacher was strict as hell with her kids, and I was a substitute. They took one look at me and said "I GET A FREE PASS TODAY!!" (Note: that's the first time I ever had to fill out a physical injury statement at work, because that's the day a child physically attacked me for asking her to put away her phone!). And still I do not blame her, because I feel it was those in authority that failed that day.

14:03 - Now she's bringing up Catholic school. No, sweetie, I wasn't imagining that. I was imagining my abusive family. Cause that's what you sound like. You sound like the parents who wanted to be in control of every aspect of my life in order to "protect me" and "help me understand real life so I could have a good future." Gag me. Shut up, already.

14:17 - I really do think what we have now is still broken; but anyone within their right mind can acknowledge that we have a better system now than we used to.

14:33 - "That's how it feels being a teacher in a classroom of hostile little people." No. It's not. It might have felt that way to you, but that's because you made them hostile. You were the subject of their hatred. For me, when my students get hostile (and yes, it does happen), it's because they're frustrated by what they have to do. And 9 times out of 10, that frustration is fucking JUSTIFIED! And that's when I step in, and tell them, "I think it's bullshit too. I think you're right to be frustrated. But because the system sucks, we have to do this for the time being, and if you do this, I can do these things for you to help alleviate that frustration." A lot of the times, it's promises for a better future (which I have already made progress on, such as changing how the 6th grade curriculum was this year and moving a novel they hated to the 7th grade year instead, where they will be able to process it better with more experienced teachers who had a curriculum prepared already for said novel.) If a student is hostile with you, that's not a bad thing, and the fact that you felt fear shows you earned that hostility via your actions.

14:47 - Again, you're a bad teacher if you don't know how to handle a situation where a student gets hostile.

14:58 - Teachers see their students more than their parents do, full stop. Students are with you, for instance in my school, from 7:50 until 3:30, and that's barring you having a club after school. That's 7 hours and 40 minutes. Barring any after school activities, assuming a child wakes up at 6 to make it to school on time, to achieve 8 hours of sleep, that child is with their parents from 3:30 until 10. That's 6 and a half hours. No matter what, you are with those students more than those parents are. Yes. It IS our job to raise these kids. Furthermore, you're assuming the parents DO have the capability and tools to raise these kids. Many parents work after school, many parents have multiple kids they're raising, and surprise! Some parents are fucking abusive! REREAD THE FUCKING JOB DESCRIPTION!

15:15 - I'm not a parent myself (and never plan to be) but seriously, is there some sort of parent handbook she knows about that I don't? Is there really something out there that spells out "all the things your parents should've taught you"? If there is, can someone send it to me, cause mine certainly failed in a few aspects.

15:29 - A student thinks misbehaving is fun. Why? If they think it's fun, then there's clearly a disconnect there between what they should be doing and what they are doing, and it's up to you to help them reason. If that goes against your rules, then either they need to understand why the rule is in place, or the rule needs changed.

15:48 - 'Waaaa the 5 year old gets more chances than I, a grown ass woman, get!!! That's so unfair!!!!' GROW UUUUUP

16:19 - False. Yes, this is a thing - exceeding, meeting, approaching is the latest rubric scale being sent out. But grades are still a fucking thing. I think what she's likely getting salty about here is actually floor grades -- wherein students, in many more locations around America right now, cannot get below a certain grade. For instance, at my school, if a student just straight up never does the assignment, they get a 50% (Rather than a 0). This is research based and has improved both the student's AND my mental health so fucking much that I refuse to listen to any argument that this is bad.

16:40 - I would LOVE sources on this. A school that does away with grades entirely? SIGN ME UP! Oh wait, did you mean "I no longer can use grades as a punishment for my students, because America is making a big push to be standards based, and therefore all of my grades have to follow the set curriculum standard?" Bite me.

17:04 - Yep! Straight up, yeah. Even when I was in school, they were trying to do away with "holding kids back" a grade. They offered remedial courses instead. Ever heard of summer school, woman? The only time students were held back a grade in my school was when they were in 12th grade and did not have enough credits to graduate (at which point, they just... sorta dropped out.) That's why I was teaching 9th grade English to 10th grade students. Because they didn't get held back 'a grade' -- they got held back a class. And that's not a bad thing, why would it ever be a bad thing, you stinky wet noodle?

17:11 - Skill issue. Next!

17:28 - Ooo I hope you read mine next, you fucknugget! While you were busy studying posts from child abusers, I was busy looking at the research and being the best teacher I could be for these kids.

17:42 - 8 years? God, you were a teacher for 8 years. I feel sorry for the poor children you abused in that time.

17:50 - Why were you always in fear as a teacher? I've never been in fear for my job. I have never felt in fear for what I've done as a teacher. I've had administration come to me to speak with me directly over actions I've taken, and not once have I felt in fear. I have been accused of "crazy" things, and I laughed and explained what actually happened, and the students in those situations went "Oooooh I misinterpreted." And it was explained, and I changed my behavior and they changed theirs (in some cases). Wow! All of it worked out and I am still marked as Distinguished.

17:59 - DISCIPLINE ACTUALLY EQUALS LOVE??? Woman please see a therapist, please for the love of god, I think you have some really fucked up ideals that you need to talk through with a professional.

18:33 - Why does she assume that her students would live like this in their futures? Most of my students (I teach 6th grade currently) already have big goals for their futures. Yes, the majority want to be YouTubers, but just speaking with them, they understand the work that goes into that -- they talk to me about editing, they talk about making their own VTuber rigs on Blender -- they're super advanced! The kids who want to be game designers use their free time in class to program games on GimKit. Kids, when their love of learning is fostered rather than beaten out of them, will be productive because they love to be, not because they're forced to be.

18:47 - They are CHILDREEEEEEEEEEEEN

19:14 - POJKIHGUYFVBHKM??? "People are basically motivated by two things in life: love, and fear." Therapist. Please. I am not even trying to use that as an insult, I am being legitimate. Is that all you are motivated by? When I do the dishes, I'm not doing them because I love them or because I'm scared of them -- I do them because they need to be done! It's neutral! Motivation is neutral what are you smoking oh my god.

19:35 - If this was the fullest extent of what people were saying, then yes, she would be right -- If all you are trying to do is get kids to love you and your subject, then you will always, always fail. But the thing is, that's NOT the key to PBIS, and that's not what I do with my kids. The very first thing I do with my kids, when they come to class, is set up rules and expectations. And I tell them: If you hate English, good. If you love English, good. Regardless of if you hate it or love it, it holds these specific values in your life. I ask them what they want to do or be, and explain how they'll need to use the skills taught in my class for those specific things. I explain how they don't need to be GOOD at it -- they just need to try. And then I reflect that in my teaching and my grading. If they try, they pass, and they typically pass well (well being A-B range). If they earn a C, it's typically because, frankly, they're bad at English. And I make them understand, I FORCE them to understand, and I DO yell at their parents, that Cs are the Average Grade. They mean you are Perfectly On Point for 6th grade, and you are right where you need to be. And remarkably? The kids love me for it. If you treat the kid like a kid who is a living breathing human, you have almost no problems. I wonder where this woman went wrong.

20:22 - Students should not fear learning. Students should not fear making mistakes. She is making the assumption that every single misbehavior is a personal choice on the part of the student, when usually, that's not the case. Please, please, read up on frontal lobe development, I think it would really benefit your understanding of a small child's decision making abilities.

20:40 - False, but at this point, everything you're saying is just to paint yourself as a Goddess Martyr of Every Hurt Child Abuser Teacher Out There UwU. Thank god this video is nearly done.

20:46 - Causal Pink-Collaring of teaching, love that (sarcasm).

20:56 - I love my job. Again, sounds like a skill issue!

21:21 - Honey all you did in this video was advocate for abuse...

21:43 - For once, I agree with you! The vast majority of teachers are not absolutely bat shit. All teachers are actually just people, and some have issues that makes it so they shouldn't be teachers. You fall into the latter category of 'People who should not be teachers because they hate children.'

22:00 - The only difference you're making here is burning away my braincells.

Oof. The rest is the Click Subscribe ramble.

TL;DR: FUCK THIS WOMAN AND HER ENTIRE PRACTICE!!! I am SO RELIEVED she quit teaching!!!

#Teacher #Teacher Rant #Teaching #'Teacher Therapy' #Anyone who refers to a child like this deserves to be fired

[bryhaven]

EDUCATIONAL POST: Signs that Mikasa Ackerman is in a TOXIC relationship

Now I'll be saying from the get-go that this post is NOT meant to undermine any Mikasa ship, especially with Eren. And NOT undermining the author and their writing. I didn't want to have to do this. But I'm forced to put this out here because some shippers and haters alike keep claiming and some even harassing other shippers (mostly the RM stans), and say that EM is not toxic. And even add that our ship RM is problematic.

I am the type of person that when given a nonsense argument, I will slap you with facts. Or give you a witty comeback (if I feel bitchy enough). This person below called me toxic and judgmental, claimed that those of low IQ cannot understand what Eren did blah blah blah. And then blocked me once I gave them a comeback.

Hence, this post is here to define what a TOXIC relationship is. And please take note that I will only discuss the parts where the relationship became toxic. Because someone might come saying, "But before that..", "But after this.." and so on. It doesn't even matter what happened before or after. Or even all the reasoning behind the actions. Remember, the end doesn't justify the means. The fact remains that the relationship became toxic.

According to Dr. John Delony in ramseysolutions.com, there are signs to check and find out whether you're in a toxic relationship.

1. Not feeling safe. This pertains to both physical and emotional safety. I don't see Mikasa feeling emotionally and physically safe when she talked about her thoughts and feelings, especially in the table scene with Eren. Her voice didn't matter to him because he was only set in completing his goal. And whenever she tried to speak up further, he would just brush her off.

2. Bad (or nonexistent) communication. This type of communication includes gaslighting, manipulating words, and being dishonest. Eren didn't tell them the entire truth and also used words to manipulate them, particularly Mikasa, into believing something else that he made up. Again, to further his own purposes.

3. Feeling neglected and exploited. I don't see Eren honoring or even seeing the reason why Mikasa was being overly protective of him back in the day. He was always angered at her whenever she tried to just watch out for him, or whenever she was being clingy. This is a psychological need that she has which was developed from a trauma, and Eren couldn't tend to or even acknowledge that.

4. Feeling like you’ve lost yourself. It is needless to say that Mikasa lost her sense of self here after hearing Eren's words. Eren clearly set off an anxiety alarm.

5. Judgment—not curiosity—is the norm. The way this was phrased, even in the manga, seemed judging and imposing. It's like he's judging her ability to fight with that length of hair which ended up imposing on her to do something about it. To rephrase it into the lifeblood of a relationship which is curiosity, he could have said something within the lines of "Does it bother you in training if you wear your hair down like this/with this length of hair?". Or he could have exuded care like "Would you be alright fighting with your length of hair?" or "Maybe you should try tying your hair so it doesn't bother you?". But then, no. He did not.

6. Feeling belittled and ashamed. Eren made her feel less than, and rubbed her nose in something from the past.

7. Not receiving empathy. Eren would either dismiss her when she tries to share something important or speak her thoughts, and she is usually met with apathy. Because Eren would usually direct the conversation back to himself and even try to one-up her in conversations since he is mostly focused on his own goals; when Mikasa here is only wanting for him to be safe. He often saw her as a bother, and always reasoned that she had no reason to do that since she's not his mother.

8. Playing a dysfunctional role. Service and sacrifice are parts of a good relationship. But then, it should be mutually giving and supportive. In this one, Mikasa more than often fulfills a mothering role. She made that promise to Carla to look after Eren. She always goes out of her way to care for him, even sacrificing her own safety. And because of that, she has grown to believe that it is her job to fix him, at the expense of her own feelings, needs, and joy. Sure, he has given her a reason to continue on living, inspired her to fight. But she has paid him more than enough for that service.

9. Feeling controlled or manipulated. Aside from manipulating her with words in the table discussion scene, Eren tried to tip the balance in his favor. This is in the sense that he makes use of her strength in the attack on Liberio. Even though this is Mikasa Ackerman with superhuman strength we are talking about, he still put her in harm's way by making her fight in the frontline. Whether or not it is in her will to do what he asked her, you can still see the hesitation and uncertainty in Mikasa while knowing what she was about to commit. And she follows anyway because of Eren and his reasonings. And a recurring theme in her thoughts is something within the lines of "Is this what Eren wants?" or "What if Eren will..", and her mind always spirals back to Eren. Mind control right there.

10. Living under a cloud of rage. Needless again to say (and for a picture since Tumblr doesn't allow more than 10 pics in a post. Urgh. Lol), Eren has been a chronically angry person. He is always frustrated by something, and often explodes in episodes of rage. A person like that cannot be fully supportive in a relationship. And though he has his own reasons for it (and some are understandable), it doesn't justify the things he made Mikasa undergo. And a crime is still a crime in the end.

And there you have it. EM has actually ticked all 10 boxes.

Again, I am just explaining the toxicity in the relationship. Not taking bias over something just to explain this, and not hating on any character. You can still understand or even like a character even though you don't align with their intentions, or even if you don't like their development.

If EM is your cup of tea, then by all means, go ahead and ship it. But DON'T go harassing others for it, or reblogging their posts with nonsense captions, or calling them out with rude descriptions, and then block them if they finally give you a comeback.

And DON'T go claiming that EM is not toxic, dysfunctional, or unhealthy in any way when you don't even have the FACTS to back it with.

Over and OUT!

#mikasa ackerman #eren yeager #eren jaeger #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aot snk #eren aot #mikasa aot #haven thoughts #haventhoughts

[everythingaddictxx]

One Chicago and Representation

Ok, I love the family that is Adam, Kim and Makayla. Still, if the show can't, or WON'T acknowledge that you have two white police officers raising a traumatised black girl, I don't want it, and I find it ignorant.

It doesn't have to be a big thing, just an acknowledgement that there will be specific issues and times where Adam and Kim won't understand or be able to emphasise with what Makayla goes through growing up black or has to endure in the world because of the colour of her skin. They will only be able to support her through everything. There are things about Makayla they are going to have to treat differently -her hair, health etc. And there's the fact that they are police officers in the US, and one day Makayla will still love them but might not respect their profession. There needs to be some type of discussion for me to be fully on board with Adam and Kim fighting to keep Makayla. There are so many things to be discussed.

Makayla may be young, but unfortunately, she doesn't have the luxury of not being made aware that outside of her home, she is most likely going to be treated differently and not just differently but badly because of her skin colour. That is the first thing most people see.

Why does One Chicago never want to fully discuss race, even with them having actors/characters of colour on the show and the issue of race and diversity being so important? Why does One Chicago refuse to improve the diversity on their shows?

Then onto Fire. I like Pelham, but I'm disappointed that Fire decided to add another straight white male character (I will note that I'm just assuming he's straight, so you never know) after they had already added Hawkins.

I don't understand why they wouldn't have gotten a POC, WOC or anyone from an underrepresented community. It would have been nice to see a woman leading 51 in Matt and Stella's absence.

And now it seems they have put the recurring characters of Pelham and Hawkins at the forefront whilst neglecting their main minority characters like :

Cruz (honestly, where has he gone?; where has the PTSD storyline gone? We had the PTSD storyline for 2 episodes and then it was gone); Ritter (Why is Ritter just being used as the sarcastic best friend in the middle of Gallo and Violet when he is so much more) and Gallo.

Is there a reason why the writers are not letting Gallo grow? Are the writers purposefully not giving Gallo growth because they want to show how he's still affected by his childhood trauma? That may be, losing his family the way he did has made him want to stay this goofy kid that never really grows up. I would just hope there's a good reason for the lack of growth for a character with so much potential.

Ritter and Gallo have such potential as characters but they have been given nothing apart from a scene here and there.

Boden got a promotion, but he's still doing the same thing that he was doing before. Where are his new responsibilities?

Then with Seager, the one recurring WOC character they have currently, they have turned her into an overly flirty OFI detective who won't stop flirting with an engaged man and seems to be incapable of doing her job on her own and without the help of Kelly Severide. (I don't put the flirting all on Seager because Kelly needs to open his mouth and say something.)

Even Stella's lieutenant storyline felt rushed to me. It somehow became about Kelly and Stellaride instead of focusing on Stella and her difficulties as a WOC trying to go further in the CFD.

One Chicago has a history of making the men part of the female storylines instead of just having them as supporting characters. Kim and Hailey's trauma at the beginning of season 9 became about Voight, Jay, and who is morally better. Hawkins was suddenly a hero for giving support to Sylvie's paramedicine programme, and we didn't actually see Sylvie receive any awards or professional accolades for everything she's done.

Furthermore, they have now cast a white woman in the role of a new paramedic. Why couldn't it have been a WOC? I genuinely don't understand. Note that this is nothing against the actor's old and new.

Out of all the OC shows and even some Dick Wolf shows in general, Fire does a decent job at diversity, but they need to realise that having one or two characters from each underrepresented or minority community isn't enough.

Representation Matters !!

One Chicago writer's and casting people do better!!

(There is so much more I could say but for now, I will leave it at this).

#one chicago #chicago fire #chicago pd #cf #cpd #adam ruzek #kim burgess #makayla ward burgess #pelham #evan hawkins #blake gallo #darren ritter #joe cruz #stella kidd #sylvie brett #wallace boden #wendy seager #kelly severide #jay halstead #hank voight #race #diversity #inclusion #representation #stellaride #poc #woc #person of color #woman of color #rant

[eagles-translated]

Answering Eagles questions before the season 3 finale (Part 2/2)

I've received a bunch of questions since 3x08 and 3x09 dropped, so I compiled all the questions into two posts. I had to split them up because Tumblr only allows 10 images per post. Anyway, keep reading to see my answers and enjoy! 👇

There might be some kind of collaboration between Amie and Ludde like last season—we have only heard snippets of Ludde's song submission to the music school and it wouldn't surprise me if we saw Amie perform the song in its entirety in the last episode. I touched on this a little in part 1 of answering these questions.

It seems like Amie singing at the end of the season has become kind of a recurring theme. She performed “Follow” in 1x08 and “Second Sight” in 2x10 (on the radio, but my point still stands). I wouldn’t be surprised if they followed this trend by having Amie perform a new song in the season 3 finale.

I'm not sure if she'll recommend Ludde to the record label, though. I honestly still feel like Amie's whole storyline with sending in a rather basic demo written by two teenagers with little to no experience and then getting praised on it with comments such as "it's going to be a real summer hit" felt so unrealistic to me. Maybe they only said that so Amie would accept their offer or something, but that's still very strange because she would have still said yes without a doubt.

I can understand that they thought Amie was marketable as a person and there was this bonus with her having gone viral before on Felicia's Instagram, but that demo did not seem good enough for me to be immediately released as a single and then have them decide on the spot that Amie would be given a contract.

I mean, come on. It never felt earned because we never really saw Amie struggling with her songwriting journey to achieve this dream. Sending in one demo to one record label and having them immediately want to make a whole album with you just doesn't happen in real life unless the song is extremely good or you have a very unique voice. Amie is really talented but there are hundreds of people just like her, if not thousands. I was never convinced by her getting signed so quickly in season 2.

I understand that they wanted to establish her as a successful artist, but that felt so rushed. I was so sure that the record label would screw her over and steal the song rights to record it with another artist who was already established, and that we'd have to see Amie work even harder to achieve her dreams. But we didn't get that at all. Where was the struggle?

Anyway, I'm getting a little off-topic here. To be honest I have a lot of problems with the writing sometimes, even if I still love the show and its characters. Of course I wanted to see Amie achieve success (and I was happy when she did), but the journey there was so bizarrely easy.

She didn't start to seriously work on making her music career become a reality until season 2. Amie had dabbled in music prior to that, like when she auditioned for the school band and did that performance of Follow, but she didn't truly start to work towards it until season 2 when she decided to have her work sent to professionals in the business. And then, just five episodes later, she gets contacted by the record label in Stockholm.

To put this into context—season 2 took place somewhere around March, and episode 5 around three weeks into April. So when Ludde first started helping Amie it took less than two months for her to get signed. You could argue that the song was just that good or that Amie is just that talented, but it never felt like a realistic storyline to me.

So, back to your question! I need to stop getting so sidetracked while answering these haha. I don't think it would be realistic for the record label to hire a teenager with no professional songwriting experience, likely a very small portfolio of his own work in both size and variety, having a criminal record, and on top of that being infamous in the press for abusing his ex-girlfriend. If Amie offered the ultimatum to her label that she'll only return with Ludde, who has an incredibly bad reputation right now, it feels like she would be running the risk of losing the contract entirely.

There's only so much her label can put up with. We've seen Amie ignore their calls with no intention of reassuring them that she's coming back soon. Honestly, with the way things are looking right now it makes the most sense for the contract to be dropped. By Amie or by the label, I don't know.

The episode description for the season finale says that Ludde will get some sort of justice and it could be about his music (or something related to whatever Andreas is doing).

I believe Amie will be doing a live performance of Ludde's song at a New Year's Eve party in episode 10 but I doubt that Ludde will be picked up as a producer. If he actually does I would find that to be a very unrealistic plot point, to be completely honest with you.

This is an issue I had with 3x08 and 3x09 as well. I had a hard time actually enjoying the moment between Felicia, Klara, and Amie knowing that her family was getting increasingly worried for her and even thought for a short moment that Felicia was lying dead at the bottom of the ocean. All that could've been avoided.

To add, it didn't make a lot of sense to me that when Klara finally decided to call someone she called Amie instead of Elias. An ex-friend of Felicia's instead of her brother who could've helped a lot more. What was Amie supposed to do when she showed up at the hotel, exactly?

I know there was the thing with Klara only knowing Amie's number off the top of her head, but there is no reason why she couldn't have gone down to the reception while Felicia was sleeping and asked to use a computer just to get a quick message to Elias. Like, "hey, Felicia attempted something bad but she's safe with me, we're at this hotel in this room but she didn't want me to call anybody, I don't know what to do". That would've been so much better than keeping quiet about the situation for nearly 24 hours.

I know that Klara probably has trauma from leaving her dad at the hospital after his suicide attempt and that she probably didn't want to go against Felicia's wishes. I understand the first part 100%. But Felicia was in a very bad place emotionally and was thinking that her whole family hated her when that wasn't the case. I feel like in a situation like that you kind of have to be the bad guy just to ensure the family that Felicia was safe. Even if everything turned out alright in the end, it could've gone so much worse if Felicia had wanted to be kept hidden for longer.

The ending of 3x08 was super tough to watch and I can't imagine the feeling of thinking your only daughter/sister drowned herself after you just yelled at her and showed no support. Klara couldn't have known any of this, but I feel like she should've at least contacted Elias if she wasn't taking Felicia to a hospital.

Elias calling Amie would've been an easy solution to this whole debacle but we would've lost the drama. It's still somewhat of a plot hole though, like you said.

Thank you for reading that whole post @detectivejulesohara!

The clip you're referring to was posted on Yandeh Sallah's Instagram account, so not in a trailer for this season.

I think that was either just fanservice or it will appear in season 4 since it was posted in May of this year, and I believe the filming of season 3 had already wrapped by then.

It might indicate that Elias and Amie will be a couple by season 4 (this actually seems very likely regardless if this is actually part of a scene or not).

I think Elias is getting increasingly frustrated with hockey and the fact that he doesn't really have any other ambitions to strive for. He was raised with nothing but hockey surrounding him and it's in his blood. Elias got drafted to the US at around the same age as Mats, but Elias left after a year because he just wasn't progressing.

That must feel like a huge step back, and on top of that Mats was probably thriving in his successful career around the age that Elias is now. It's a tough difference in success to have weighing on your shoulders when you're in a team that's second to last in the rankings.

There's even the accusation in the press that Mats paid for Elias to advance in the rankings, and I'm sure that's going to affect his career negatively.

I think Elias overworking himself could also be the result of him feeling like he has to prove that returning to Eagles—a small club that is probably having their worst season ever—was in fact the right choice and not the death of his elite hockey career. That choice was very questionable from the very start and his agent advised against it. Even Mats found it strange. Elias said that he didn't really have a choice most likely because of the clause in his contract, but then he also claims to Mats that things just turned out that way.

Ludde: You don’t regret coming back [to Eagles]? Elias: I didn’t really have a choice.

The idea that he didn't have a choice in the matter doesn't seem accurate. His agent told him there were other alternatives like Jokerit (a professional ice hockey team based in Helsinki, Finland) and that they could find something better than Eagles. Elias seemed kind of defeated already and the decision to return to Eagles didn't feel thought-through at all. It's almost like he just didn't care.

Agent: [...] Jokerit has called and I’ve had a great conversation with them, so they’re on. Elias: You know what? Let’s skip all the trouble. Let’s go with Eagles, it’ll be great. Agent: What? Elias: I’m so tired of moving all the time anyway, plus I’ll be close to my family. Agent: Wait, I thought that you— Eagles has big economical problems, and… Sorry, but their season started awfully. We can get a better team. You understand, right? Elias: Yeah, but we can’t get a team that needs me as much. Plus— If they say they want to see development, I’ll give them that. Agent: Wait— They’re under the line. We’re talking about qualifying down directly. You can’t in earnest believe you’ll change that on your own. Elias: It’s perfect. I’ll only go up, as you like to say.

It also seems like he's maybe realizing that hockey isn't everything and that there are other things he might want to explore and pursue in his life. I think Elias is feeling kind of stuck right now. He's been training his whole life for one purpose which is a professional career in hockey, and maybe he feels like Mats wouldn't allow him to quit. That option doesn't exist to him.

Like you said, Mats had that comment where he labeled Ludde a "quitter" and Elias stressed the fact that there shouldn't be anything wrong with losing interest and deciding to pursue something else.

Mats: Can you imagine that he’s just quitting? I mean, I’m completely— He really didn’t strike me as a quitter. So fucking close. [...] Elias: [...] Ludde, he’s… He’s not a quitter, he’s just didn’t want it anymore. That should be fair.

However, quitting is seen as failure to Mats. Mats dropped everything when he got drafted. He left his relationship with Petra seemingly without a second thought, because hockey comes before everything for Mats. Felicia even mentioned back in season 1 how her father was just a voice in a telephone for most of her childhood. He barely had any presence in her life because he was busy with hockey.

When Klara tells Elias that he's always putting hockey first, he gets angry but he doesn't outright deny it. In fact, he kind of changes the subject to shift attention away from Klara's claim.

Klara: This— You haven’t changed at all. You’re always putting yourself first. Elias: Excuse me? Klara: Yes, it’s either you or hockey. Elias: Stop! What the— Klara: I can’t take this. Elias: Are you leaving now? I wasn’t the only one you dumped. You’ve been acting like shit to Felicia. Yeah, and Amie and Ludde too, for that matter. You haven’t thought about that? So don’t come here and say I’m the egoist.

This is kind of an interesting thought—that maybe Elias subconsciously knew that was Klara is saying is true to some degree and that he has been putting hockey first. He decided to get on the train to the draft combine in Seattle instead of staying with Klara, and a year later he realizes that things didn't turn out the way that he'd planned and he returns to Eagles.

Maybe Elias is trying so hard to be someone who he just isn't, and it's affecting so many aspects of his life negatively. He lost Klara, he had to repeat almost his whole last year in high school because of moving to the US, and now he seems to be stuck in Oskarshamn. He's previously expressed to Amie that this isn't necessarily where he wanted to end up.

Elias: [...] Hey, is it just me or is there something about this town that… It sort of feels like no matter how much you try to get away, it… It pulls you back somehow.

It's kind of strange that he doesn't want to be in Oskarshamn, and yet he was the one who chose to return. Maybe he somehow feels like he has some purpose there because it keeps pulling him back. He just doesn't know what that purpose is.

Elias tried coming back to Eagles to turn things around for them, and they did win a game against the Capitals but that victory was later tarnished by the fight that broke out between the two teams (and to add to this, the loss of Ludde who used to be one of the star players and Klara as a sponsor). That kind of overshadowed their whole victory. Elias was very determined to do something to help and it very much feels like he needs Eagles to succeed—he needs to sort of "redeem" himself.

Elias: [...] Can I do anything? Can I go talk to— I could go talk to the sponsor. Mats: Let’s deal with it later. I’ll solve this. You have to go to school now. Elias: But we can finish talking— Mats: You can— No. Try to think of something else. Alright?

I think that Elias's desperation for Eagles to do well could absolutely lead to him eventually deciding to be a coach. He doesn't really seem to want the life that Mats had after seeing how success turned out for him—a broken family that he barely cares about because hockey occupies his mind more than caring for his children or repairing the relationship with Leila.

I think Elias being a hockey coach could suit him, but I would also love to see him exploring things outside of hockey—maybe even his interests outside of sport entirely.

I kind of agree with you on this. Klara has apologized to Felicia and been forgiven, but we've never seen her properly apologize to Amie for filming that video of her and posting it on social media. Amie and Ludde were in the wrong, yes, but that video being posted was humiliating for both of them. They had to deal with the ramifications of that for months after with the whole school judging them in silence.

To be fair, the video was posted a long time ago in the show's time frame (nearly two years ago if I'm right?) and they all kind of moved on from it. To add to this, maybe she felt it would've been kind of awkward to apologize with Felicia in the room.

Felicia was so hurt by that video being posted and I think it would feel very weird for her that Klara would apologize for posting the video when it's the sole reason Felicia found out what had been done to her. Without that video, she would've probably gone a few more months without being told what happened at the Halloween party.

I'm waiting for a Klara and Amie reconciliation in this season finale. I feel like this is something that should be discussed between just the two of them, and maybe they'll sneak in some blessing from Klara with the whole budding Elias and Amie relationship? I'd be happy with just a reconciliation, though, but I'm unsure if we'll get one. I have a feeling they'll start the season finale with a time jump and I don't know if Klara is even going to be in Oskarshamn by that time.

If we don't see them reconnecting in the season finale I will be pretty disappointed, to be honest.

Thank you! I really appreciate you too @lunawedlers (your gifsets are absolutely magical)!

This question was sent in a while ago but as season 3 had just started airing I was very excited to see the development of Elias and Amie, mostly because the director had been hinting on Twitter that something would happen between them this season. I've been really interested in them ever since 1x03 and so far the wait has been worth it.

I think all episodes have great visuals, but if I had to pick one I would probably say 3x06. All those shots of Elias and Amie on the walk through the park, the drone shots, and then the view from that bench spot were so gorgeous visually. That answer is more of a scene rather than a whole episode haha, but I think they really made the beauty of Oskarshamn stand out in those shots.

I think Amie will have some sort of performance in the final episode of a new song and that Elias will be watching her! After reading the episode description for the final episode and seeing that there will probably be some New Year's Eve party going on, I have a feeling that Amie will be performing. She's always had a performance of a new song in every season finale and this one should be no exception.

They tricked us a little in the season 3 trailer with us thinking that Elias would be at one of Amie's concerts in Stockholm, but now I'm sure that this scene fits in at the New Year's Eve party.

I think we should keep our expectations low for a kiss between Elias and Amie. They just started developing their relationship, and I like the slow pace they're going in. They're not rushing anything. I also have this feeling that their development has deliberately been so slow because they're sort of "saving the best for last".

Elias and Amie are fan favorites and their relationship has been very talked-about from the beginning. I can see the writers maybe having decided to push their relationship more towards the end of the show, which is why we haven't really gotten any Elias and Amie content until now. That's frustrating if you're impatient and I've seen some people thinking that maybe Elias and Amie won't happen at all, but I don't think we need to worry at all. The fact that Elias and Amie's development has been so slow should indicate that they're much more likely to be endgame.

A kiss in episode 10 could definitely happen, but I don't know. Maybe they'll drag it out further. As I've said before, if they don't get one in season 3 they will absolutely be getting one in season 4. I've noticed that it's always best to keep your expectations low when it comes to this couple.

The episode description for the season finale said this about Elias, which some have interpreted to be about Amie.

New Year’s Eve is here. [...] But is Elias brave enough to say what everyone else already knows?

This could mean anything, really. I'm actually leaning more towards this being about an individual thing rather than Amie being involved. It could be about Elias admitting that he's been overworking himself and not eating properly, or coming clean about the fact that maybe he doesn't want a career in hockey. This is something that everyone else already knows, so I think it might be about hockey.

Felicia has observed the overworking, Mats has told him to stop with it, and Ludde might've had some inkling about it while he was still on the team. Even Amie has probably also noticed that he's been spending a lot of time at the gym lately.

I could absolutely be wrong about this though.

Thank you for the question @lunawedlers!

This is a hard one because season 3 has had so many strong episodes already, and usually my favorite episode ends up being the season finale because it's basically the culmination of the whole season. I really loved 2x10 for this very reason since the ending montage was so well done.

If I had to pick between 3x01 - 3x09 though I would probably have to say it's a tie between 3x04 — Date night and 3x05 — Wounds! These two episodes showcased what Eagles should be all about so well, which is relationships plus the struggles you go through as a teenager in a small town, and then of course hockey. The hockey game episodes are really good, even if I don't think 3x05 topped 2x05 (the game where Ludde got tackled and knocked out).

I loved the contrast in Date night of the budding relationship between Elias and Amie and then that fight between Felicia and Ludde on the cliff. That whole scene between Felicia and Ludde on the cliff was actually really beautiful, especially when the sun had gone down.

It was interesting to see how this sweet gesture from Felicia turned into a fight between the two of them. I thought that was very realistic, because no matter how big of a gesture Felicia made to apologize there were still underlying problems that they needed to talk about.

I also loved the "non-date" between Elias and Amie in this episode. It was cute to see them goofing off before the movie started and then talking about it on the way home. I liked how Elias could connect to her on how they had both returned to Oskarshamn.

The recent episodes that dropped last week (3x08 and 3x09) were very strong and discussed some important subject matters, but I had a few problems with them that I discussed in a question above. They were dark, but not necessarily bad because they needed to happen.

However, I have to say that I prefer Eagles when it's about hockey and teenage relationships. 3x04 and 3x05 made me kind of nostalgic for season 1 and I liked the vibe they both had.

I agree, but I think we could maybe get a combination of both! Relationships can have all these romantic and sweet traits like you described, but also be more passionate and show public displays of affection.

I think Elias and Amie fit the more laid-back and sweet characteristics, but we have yet to really see what Amie is like in a relationship. We've seen her with a crush on Ludde and we got a glimpse of that thing she had with Robin (which was apparently a relationship but I did not pick up on that at all), but we don't really know what Amie is like in a relationship. Maybe she's never really had a "real" one, either.

Nevertheless, I'm excited to see what's in store for Elias and Amie. I'm very positive that they will eventually become a couple in season 4.

#eagles svt #svt eagles #after writing this i kind of want to do a separate post discussing the writing in eagles because i have a lot more to say about it

[girlmounter]

URGENT QUESTION TO ALL MY FOLLOWERS, I NEED YOUR FEEBACK!

Okay so here's the situation. I am asking you all to please please read this through and like, maybe tell me if I made the right decision... because I feel terrible about this. I would love it if someone told me if this is correct or wrong and I should've done something else. I'm not a popular blog, so whoever this post might reach (which is not going to be a lot of people) please please take some time out to read this through. I know it's a really long post, but I really really need your opinion on this. If you don't have the time right now, maybe just reblog it and save it for later. It would also help this post reach more people. Also please check the tags for the trigger warnings.

I have been going to a therapist for about 5 months now. My mom, as you probably know by now, is narcissistic and my dad enables her, along with my mom's parents who we live with. I have no siblings, and I just turned 17. Since we live in Asia, all you desi people know how hard society is on us when we go against our parents, who are supposed to be godly figures.

So all along, my therapist, (for confidentiality's sake we'll call him Sam, 21), has been bent on making me talk to them. I dont know why. I've tried explaining so many times that talking to my mom is not an option because 1) NARCISSISTIC PEOPLE DON'T EVER CHANGE and 2) my mom WILL use all my words against me and twist them into whatever she wants and later bring them up to bring me down. You guys with narcissistic parents know this shit too well.

It's not like I haven't ever even tried talking to them, I have! I've done it so many times, with a calm tone, in the most diplomatic way possible. There were times I tried to get the point across by crying and being desperate too. There were also times where I thought anger might work out.

It never did. It doesn't. It won't, because she is not looking for solutions or for mending the bond between us. All she wants is to infantilize me and keep me under her control forever. Mom and dad both want this. They don't ever want to let me out of their sights. They don't let me out of their sights.

A very long story short, I am supervised 24/7, I don't have much of a phone, I don't have friends, I don't have any family members who would support me, I don't have much of a family either tbh. I am monitored like crazy, gaslighted every single day, lied to, manipulated like hell, and babied to the point where it's just narcissistic infantilization and not concern anymore. To them, I'm a baby when it suits them, and I'm an adult when it suits them better that way. She doesn't care about what I think because apparently I'm a liar and to all those people out there who know the smear campaigning and the flying monkeys and the triangulation....yeah. All of that happens on a regular basis. I know I'm not providing any concrete proof and situations but please believe me. Please believe me. My memory is so shot I can't remember anything and i know it doesn't work out in my favor but please please believe me I'm telling the truth...

I have made three suicide attempts, I used to cut and was very badly addicted to it, and now I don't cut, but yeah I'll be sharing the reason in a little bit. Please hold on, this means a huge deal to me. Please don't scroll past this.

So Sam never really even had a smidge of doubt that my mom might be narcissistic, and I wasn't given the benefit of doubt either. After months of research when I myself figured that it might be narcissism, I told him and he went along with it. He does believe me now. But somehow I don't feel very understood. I dont feel better after I talk to him. I feel like my problems are trivial and that I'm just not working hard enough. I feel misunderstood and I never feel satisfied. I asked him for tips to deal with crushing loneliness and panic attacks and stuff like that, but I never receive real answers. When I asked for help with my suicidal thoughts, he just said that it's never an option and that's it. That's the only answer I got. When I asked for help with cutting, the only answer I got was that if I even tried to cut again, I'd lose him.

Like. Is that really how therapy is supposed to work?

Half of the time we just while time away, talking as if we're friends and I mean, it's a paid session. We're not very financially well off right now, what with the pandemic and everything, and we're paying him 2000 INR a week. It's a lot for us because we ain't exactly rich. That's like 10,000 INR a month.

I try to talk, I'm told that I don't stop talking and don't let him speak. When I don't speak, I'm not speaking enough. I dont feel comfortable anymore in a way that I think I should be with a therapist. I have recieved more helpful advice from actual PhD psychologists who are making videos on dealing with narcissism on YouTube. I feel more understood by them than I ever have with him. So many times I have left the session crying and hours later I'd still be stifling tears. So many times I don't feel heard and I feel like if I told him something he'd be angry. Sometimes he snaps and is like way too straightforward and it just doesn't do well with me. He doesn't support a lot of stuff that I support, like anti body shaming, especially for overweight people and stuff like LGBTQIA+ too, really. I'm mocked in an underhand way if I express that I support stuff that he doesn't really like. It's not straightforward but... I can't shake the feeling.

I do sometimes look forward to the sessions, if only because I'll have someone to talk to...but that's pretty much it. I'm not getting anything out of this. He claims that no one will understand me the way he does, and he keeps comparing my life to his, which I don't like. He says that in a way he and I both very similar and he relates to me and then proceeds to tell me about events in his life. He says that I'm his favorite client and now a good friend too, but I feel like that's not how it should be. And I do make an effort to listen to him tell me stuff about his life but...shouldn't it be the other way round?

Now I'm not saying that he is a bad person. I have loads of my own issues too; severe depression, crippling anxiety, overthinking every freaking thing, I'm like 100% sure I have complex PTSD from this childhood trauma, constant pain everywhere, crazy headaches, flashbacks, nightmares, hallucinations sometimes, and major emotion repression. I'm dealing with a million and one things right now and yes that might be causing me to feel worse about this situation than I should. I admit that I'm not exactly thinking about this in a diplomatic way...but somehow it doesn't feel right, and hence this really long post.

If you're still here, thank you so much. Your reading this is doing something that means a lot to me. Truly.

He exercises a lot, and he gave me a whole schedule to follow with the meals I should eat and the exercise I should do and somehow I never feel like I'm doing enough. If I miss out I can't tell him because he always reprimands me for messing up. I dont feel comfortable about opening up and then he forces me to do that and then when I do I don't feel better.

Lately, we'd been talking about how I need to tell my parents to their face what I feel is wrong with their actions, and how without that happening there's no point to our sessions anymore. Straight up went that if I don't talk to them on this Sunday, then we're not going to have sessions anymore.

I tried explaining to him many times how my mom will never change, how I don't want to enrage them further, how I don't want to give her more information on my life that she can use against me again...but no use.

He insisted over and over again on how she has no idea what she's doing to me, and if we just talked it out, my whole situation will be fine. This is just a huge misunderstanding.

I tried so hard to make him understand that that's not how it works for her, she doesn't want to resolve things and she'll just jump at the first chance she gets to use all my information against me, but no. I tried telling him that I have talked to her before and that I also used to think that if I just told her what they were doing wrong, then they would understand and mend their ways, I mean it took me YEARS to convince myself that it was never gonna happen! I tried it so many times and everytime I fell for this trap and everytime I regretted it but he doesn't get that! At all! That they're never gonna change!

Instead of helping me get over them, instead of telling me how to move on, instead of helping me grieve over my entire childhood... he was forcing me to talk things out with them, because if I didn't tell them I would be keeping it inside me and letting that fester would be bad.

I agree that it's not healthy for me to keep things to myself, which is why I talked to him right? And the things which are troubling me cannot be resolved with them because they refuse to change their ways!

The only thing that would come out of that family discussion is me at a disadvantage and them at an advantage by having all the latest scoop on my life and then have my mom (who is a doctor who has also done a course on CBT) psychoanalyse me even more than she does now. I'd be tailed harder. It will get worse and I know it. I've seen it and I promised myself that I would never make the same mistake of opening up to them honestly ever again. And here Sam wanted me to that very thing.

And I agreed initially, I tried convincing myself that maybe it'll work out and after all, Sam will be defending me and everything (even though he did say he would support them if he found them correct) but I didn't feel good about it. I remembered that a therapist is supposed to make you feel more at ease and let you take your own time to process through things and never force a client to do something if they had doubts about it.

And so I texted him today, and I refused. He said we won't have any more sessions, but I said it's fine. Because I don't want to go to him anymore anyway. I think I would rather have no one to talk to, than have someone belittle my experiences and just overall make me feel worse than I did when I first entered the session.

There's more stuff that was related to this, and if you guys want to know something before making your judgement of this situation, please please please ask me, message me, but please just have a bird's eye view on this whole thing and tell me if I made the right decision...please.

I would really appreciate some feedback right now.

Thank you so,so much for sticking with me till the end of this post. It means the world to me, honestly. I couldn't thank you more.

#tw: narcissism #tw: narcissistic mom #tw: trauma #tw: abuse #therapist problems #family issues #tw: suicide mention #tw: anxiety #tw: depression #tw: ptsd #tw: self harm #help needed #one note a day #please help #boost this #please reblog this with your opinion below #i really need feedback #i wouldnt have asked if i didnt have to #this means a lot to me #please believe me #help #if you dont wanna comment #just please boost this atleast #surviving narcissistic abuse #narcissistic parents #narcissistic abuse #narcissistic help

[the-little-fairy-garden]

🐝being a regressor in a DID system🐝

I've been regressing for about two years now and have had known of the system for almost three years. after experiencing trauma and the system forming, we thought for a while that i was going to be alright, but as it turns out, being the host of a system isn't really that great. balancing school and us trying to hide the system because we weren't ready to tell people due to a lack of trust from our trauma, we all developed coping mechanisms to help us while fronting. mine happened to be regressing as because of my trauma from childhood, i wanted to try relive some of the things that i can't remember much about.

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

for a long time when i first started regressing, i didn't have a carer and wasn't sure how to take care of myself. luckily, our system caretaker (our system is mostly made up of under 18 alters or littles, so she looks after us if we need it, even though most of us can look after ourselves) would stay close to fronting, in case of anything happening and would guide me if i needed the assistance. i got my first carer a little while later and it was great for a while. I still got a lot of support from most the the system but it was nice to have someone who i could properly talk to while regressed, instead of a voice from the headspace. However, my relationship with that carer ended, which had two consequences in the long run. 1 was that the system had a new alter as the way the relationship ended was not great and 2 i started to find it harder and harder to regress. I still received a lot of help from my friends, who at this point knew of the system (thought not my regression). i began to struggle due to my main coping mechanism being harder to access and began to fall back to bad habits. About three or so months later, i got a new carer, who i'm still very happy with, i couldn't hope for anything more. i've been regressing a lot more and a lot easier. sometimes i'm taken from my regressed mind set due to someone coming into the front but most of the others have learnt to let me regress and try stay away while i'm regressed. of course its hard, as i tend to forget about triggers that certain alters have (for example i might hear a song that triggers one of the alters while regressed and not realise) and sometimes a switch just happens. I don't have many tips on being a regressor in a system as each persons system differs, I'm just giving my experience with it. The one tip i can give, is make sure that someone knows about your system and can help support you, even if you don't tell them about the fact that you regress

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

#did system #dissacociation #age regression #agere blog #agere post

[qqueenofhades]

Oh dear 😅 Okay so basically part one was me saying how someone was complaining that Maria's whole character was how perfect she was and how they were upset that we didn't get to know her better, and I said that's kind of the entire point? Especially because Frank even said to David that he only remembers good things, and then part three was me saying that while this is yes the trope of women being used for male development, because it's Frank, the application of this trope is a good one

(part 2) his memories are always of her loving him. we don’t get to know who Maria truly is because we were robbed of that, just like he was. We only see her as how Frank remembers her, and of COURSE she’s gonna be perfect and loving because that’s what frank is choosing to remember (and like what a beautiful thing to be remembered as??)

(part 4) and of course he is going to imagine her as beautiful and perfect and he’s going to keep that memory untouched by his reality because he sees who he has become. I am not going into detail about his children, but I of course recognize that they were also taken from him too, but someone was specifically complaining about Maria’s character and i felt like they missed the whole point? Idk what are your thoughts on this/might you be able to put what i’m trying to say into better words 😂

Well, as noted, I only got two parts of this ask (glares at Tumblr) and despite your many and valiant efforts, parts 1 and 3 never came through on any of your attempts. You have the patience of a saint, so bless you. 

(It turns out I have a lot to say on this topic, so brace yourselves?)

By definition, the “dead wife” trope is going to involve some of this, since it’s still totally standard practice to kill off a woman (mother/daughter/wife, but usually wife) to explain a male character’s motivation, and usually to induce us to support him on his vengeance quest. Most of my trash male favorites have or had a dead wife/similar romantic partner at some point, and a lot of the narrative’s success at convincing us that this is a sympathetic character, regardless of the other violent/angsty/anti-heroic things that he does, rests on selling to us that he truly loved his wife (and vice versa, though we also have the Surprise Evil Now Not Dead Wife glares very very hard at Timeless) and it was a travesty that she was taken from him in an unfair way by people much more evil than him. Since Frank’s entire initial character motivation, for much of his to-date appearance in the modern MCU, rests on getting vengeance (often in spectacular and bloody fashion) for the people who killed his wife and kids, in some sense, yes, that emotional thread is necessary. If we’re going to be like “yeah Frank, shank eight more mobsters!” and continue to see him as someone for whom we have an investment in the positive outcome of his story, he needs to be, in some sense, doing the right thing, however badly or violently. And yes, the Dead Wife and Dead Mother trope for protagonists just… happen a lot. Everywhere.

Next, while fandom is in often many cases predominantly female, it still has a lot, a lot, of internalized misogyny to deal with. Dead wives are viewed suspiciously and as possible obstacles to ships, especially when her widower has moved on to a new canon/onscreen relationship with someone else. By virtue of seeing it develop, viewers are more invested in this one, and when dead wives return for whatever reason, she is often implicitly or explicitly used for ship drama with the current couple (glares at Timeless again). This sets her up to be disliked from the start, since we all know shippers aren’t really the most rational creatures in the world at all times and are eager to look for/invent reasons to dislike a character being outright used to keep their OTP apart. If for some reason Maria DID return to life (not at all likely, if not out of the question in the MCU) I can imagine that she would probably, unfortunately, receive some of the same treatment. This happened a lot in the OUAT fandom, where shippers relentlessly villainized a male character’s past/dead love interest (in this case, Milah, for Captain Hook) because it was somehow felt necessary to make the current ship (CS) more valid if the previous one was discounted. Milah was a complicated character and not one that I particularly personally was invested in, but yeah, we know complicated women get turned into “bitch” or “ship obstacle” PDQ. Here, again, I am obliged to glare at Timeless a third time. And when she and Emma met in canon, it was respectful, they both worked together to save the man they loved, and then Milah got fridged AGAIN, which was pretty rage-inducing even if you didn’t like her all that much. Also, the OUAT fandom was extremely tribal in the shipping regard as it was, so yes.

Now, with the overall commentary on Dead Wives out of the way, onto Maria. As you note, and Frank himself notes, he is an extremely unreliable narrator when it comes to Maria. What we know about her canonically/outside his dreams/nightmare about her is the following:

She was Italian Catholic (probably like him) since her grandmother came over from Sicily, and a good cook;

She met Frank in a park by telling him to play a better song;

She got pregnant with Lisa three months into their relationship and told Frank that he could leave if he wanted, but she was keeping the baby, and instead Frank proposed to her that day;

Frank was absent for the birth of at least one and probably both of their children (“we serve 15-month tours in Afghanistan… you leave, you’ve got a pregnant wife, you come back, the kid’s walking”);

By Frank’s own admission, he sometimes preferred to be overseas with his unit rather than at home with her and the kids, which is probably not a reflection on how happy their relationship was, but the fact that Frank really flat-out enjoys being a soldier and indeed, killing;

Maria could probably be very jealous at times and had a hot temper (as Frank tells Karen in the diner scene in DD 2x11, she could be vicious and put him through the wringer emotionally)

She was close to Billy and viewed him as part of their family;

Frank’s last memory of her is her coming to wake him up on the morning after he returned from his last deployment, which is also the day that she and the kids were killed, because they went to the carousel later and were shot. That is the memory that keeps playing in his nightmares/increasingly deteriorates, with him witnessing her being shot in their bedroom and then by himself (which is of course not what happened).

The one time that memory continues on past her just waking him up, in TP 1x12 when Frank is being tortured by Orange, it’s clear that their relationship has suffered from Frank’s long absences and preference to be overseas/at war, and Maria asks him point-blank where home is, says he’s here but not really here, and wants to know if he is yet again going to be mentally somewhere else.

Anyway, all of that points to the fact that Maria was probably a complex human woman, like most women are, and had mixed feelings about her husband’s addiction to war and violence, even as he was by all accounts a good and loving husband to her and father to their children. Frank himself clearly states that he feels guilty about not paying more attention to them while they were alive, so of course, yes, he has valorised their memory and put them on a pedestal and made them the all-consuming reason for his vengeance. I’d say that part of his motive is to keep punishing himself, as well as the actual killers, over his guilt and regret about what he lost with them – some of it unavoidably, and some of it by his own choices. As he indeed says to David, their relationship was not perfect, because no one’s is, but now he only remembers the nice/good/beautiful parts of it. Which is a fairly understandable response to losing a loved one, especially in a horrific/traumatic way like he did.

And yes, exactly, the tragedy is that we DON’T get to know Maria outside Frank’s highly idealised and increasingly fantasised memories of her. She is dead, and he continues to struggle over and over with that fact, even as there is an awareness that he is starting to move on. He already compared how he feels about another woman (Karen) to how David feels about Sarah (his living/current wife). In some sense, Frank has started to/to some degree already fallen in love with someone else, and the entire end of S1 was him coming to terms with his trauma in some part, having to let Maria go (“come home, Frank” / “I am home”) and figuring out how his life looks now. But he clearly loved her very much, she loved him the same, and he’s willing to burn down the world for her and for their children, so we certainly can’t say that she was anything less than someone he loved with his whole heart and soul and had built a life and family with, with all the problems that go with that. And that should definitely be defended.

#maria castle #frank x maria #anonymous #ask