#20 hours of bullshit 4 hours of rest

[love-fireflysong]

Oh man so I just finished checking out my playstation wrap up and I haven’t been able to stop laughing cause I’m able to pinpoint the exact moment down to the almost second that sony stopped getting information for the year. Cause according to my wrap data, my latest trophy I earned was ‘Until Death Do Us Part 2′ from when I played The Devil In Me last Friday. Which is fine and whatever, but it notably does NOT count ‘Murder Castle’ which popped barely a minute later when I finished the prologue.

Therefore, according to my trophy timestamps, Sony decided that they were done collecting all my data on Friday December 9 at 11:40pm MST. Which is one hell of an arbitrary stopping point like oh my god????? Why at the 40 minute mark? Why not just wait the extra twenty minutes and stop when the next hour hits? I have so many questions and this is killing me SDJKHSDKJHSD

#god i love this #rest of my data was what i expected #crash 4 was unsurprisingly my most played game this year #with the quarry coming in third at 75 hours lol #got 19 platinums #technically 20 cause i got another one the very next night but that will be added into next years count i suppose #no new background theme though which is disappointing 😔 #but not unexpected considering they're putting almost everything into ps5 now and that doesn't have customizable backgrounds #which is bullshit and so stupid by the way imo lol

[pibsboots]

I've always had chronic fatigue. I remember being twelve, and an adult mentioned how I couldn't possibly know how tired they felt because adulthood brought levels of exhaustion I couldn't imagine. I thought about that for days in fear, because I couldn't remember the last time I didn't feel tired.

Eventually I came to terms with the fact that I was just tired, and I couldn't do as many things as everyone else. People called me lazy, and I knew that wasn't true, but there's only so many times you can say "I'm tired" before people think it's an excuse. I don't blame them. When a teenager does 20 hours of extracurriculars every week and only says "I'm too tired" when you ask them to do the dishes, it's natural to think it's an excuse. At some point, I started to think the same thing.

It didn't matter that I could barely sit up. It was probably all in my head, and if I really wanted to, I could do it.

When I learned the name for it, chronic fatigue, I thought wow, people that have that must be miserable, because I am always tired and I cannot imagine what it would feel like if it were worse.

Spoiler alert, if you've been tired for a decade, it's probably chronic fatigue.

Once I figured that out though, I thought of my energy as the same as everyone else's, just smaller in quantity. And that might be true for some people, but I've figured out recently that it absolutely isn't true for me.

I used to be like wow I have so much energy today I can do this whole list for sure! And then I'd do the dishes and have to lay down for 2 hours. Then I'd think I must gave misjudged that, I didn't have as much energy as I thought.

But the thing is - I did have enough energy for more tasks, I just didn't go about them properly.

With chronic fatigue, your maximum energy is obviously much smaller than the average person's. Doing the dishes for you might use up the same percentage of energy that it takes to do all the daily chores for someone else.

If someone without chronic fatigue was to do all the daily chores, they would take breaks. Because otherwise, they're sprinting a marathon for no reason and it would take way more energy than necessary. We have to do the same.

Put the cups in the dishwasher, take a break. Put the bowls in, take a break. So on and so forth. This may mean taking breaks every 2-5 minutes but afterwards, you get to not feel like you've run a marathon while carrying 4 people on your back.

Today, I had a moderate amount of energy. Under my old system of go till you drop, I probably could have done most of the dishes and wiped off the counter and then been dead to the world for the rest of the day.

Under the new system, I scooped litter boxes, cleaned out the fridge, took the trash out, cleaned the stove, and wiped off the counter and did all the dishes. And after all that, I still had it in me to make a simple dinner, unload the dishwasher, and tidy the kitchen.

It was complete and utter insanity. Just because I sat down whenever I felt myself getting more tired than I already was.

All this to say, take fucking breaks. It's time to unlearn the ceaseless productivity bullshit that capitalism has shoved down our throats. Its actively counterproductive. Just sit down. Drink some water. Rest your body when it needs to rest.

There will still be days where there is nothing to do but rest, and days where half a load of dishes is absolutely the most I can do. But this method has really helped me minimize those, which is so incredibly relieving.

#chronic illness #chronic fatigue #chronic pain

[boldlyvoid]

Bigger than the whole sky | Part Three: Electric Hearts

Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Summary: As it turns out, getting pregnant was the easiest part... The hard part is making sure Jack is okay with it and the team understands what it's going to look like when Hotch goes on paternity leave... and Peter's moms reaction to a grandbaby that isn't hers.

Warnings: pregnancy, canon rewrite season 10/11 - no scratch plotline, spencers mom's dementia mentioned, JJ's pregnant too, lots of Jack content, doctors appointments and ultrasounds, nondescript case in LA -- hotel quickies, showering together, lots of fluff over all

Word Count: 13.5k

Masterlist

Derek is so used to being called into Hotch’s office now that he’s the second in command, that he no longer feels anxious when Aaron asks him to close the door behind himself. He always knows that Aaron just wants to talk about a new case or some bullshit higher up… today he comes right in, closes the door and sits down like he owns the place.

“What’s up?” 

“That place you’re letting Y/N stay in, how much were you going to sell it for?” Aaron asks.

“Why?” Derek smiles, sitting up straighter. 

“It’s the perfect size for us and the kids,” Aaron answers, smiling right back, letting Derek in on their little secret. 

“No way?” Derek can’t believe it, he’s so proud, he’s practically oozing happiness. “You didn’t even skip a beat, she said she wanted kids and you just went and did it?” 

“We did it…”

Derek gets up from his seat and meets Aaron halfway for a hug, he pats him on the back and just laughs, “Wow… you’re going to be a dad again.” 

“And that’s another thing I need to talk to you about,” Aaron says, making him sit back down. “Not only do I want to buy that house from you, I would like you to step up and take over when I go on paternity leave.” 

“Obviously,” Derek shrugs like it’s nothing to take over as Unit Chief. “I don’t mind, I’m just starting to get used to the paperwork again.” 

“I’m going to ask JJ to step up into your spot during that time and we’re working on 2 new hires so you’ll have almost a full team in our absence,” Aaron explains further. “And I’ll be 1 call away at all times.” 

“And I’ll know where you live,” Derek teases. “Speaking of the house, it was foreclosed when I got it so it was only 153k and I put about 100k into it, so I can settle on 255, even though I know the market value now is close to 800.”

“I don’t mind paying the full—

“No, no. Put the rest of the money into the kids' college funds, please? You know I don’t need it.” Derek stares at him with his immaculate brows arched. 

“I can do that,” he agrees easily. “Can you just keep it a secret for me? I want the house to be a present for her and she doesn’t want anyone but you to know about the baby yet… she really wants to make it to 12 weeks before she starts to tell anyone in case it doesn’t work out.” 

“Of course, man… but I’m sure the others will figure it out, I mean, she’s not really going after unsubs as hard as before and she’s sticking to your side at the precincts instead of going out to interview suspects, she’s been having a snack at 3-hour intervals… she ever stayed back with penny cause she wasn’t feeling good. I had a feeling this was coming. ” 

“She doesn’t want to transfer, she’s going to switch on desk duty around 20 weeks… she’s actually been doing the interviews for me so we can fill up the team again,” Aaron explains. “Have you heard anything about a Luke Alvez?” 

He nods, “Yeah, he’s on the fugitive task force, right? He’s gone after some of the unsubs we’ve profiled but couldn’t capture, right?” 

“Yeah, he did.” Aaron nods, “he and Dr. Tara Lewis, a forensic psychologist from San Fransisco, are our top two. She’s been interviewing convicted serial killers for the last 4 years, she has the most updated insight into why they do what they do.” 

“Our team would be absolutely stacked with them,” Derek all but cheers, he’s so excited.

“So, should I make some calls?” Aaron asks with a smile. 

“You better, or I will.” 

—

At the same time Derek disappears into Aaron's office, JJ pulls Y/N aside. “Hey, can we talk?” She asks, tugging her all the way down to Derek's old office for some privacy. 

Y/n has a feeling she knows what’s coming, either JJ is pregnant or she’d figured out that she is. No matter what, it’s going to be interesting if she’s pulling her this far out of ear range from the team. “What’s going on?” 

“You’re doing the rehiring with Hotch, right?” 

She nods, “Yeah, why?” 

“You might want to consider a second person…”

“Third,” Y/N can’t help but correct her with a smirk. 

“No way?” JJ’s eyes light right up. “You too?” 

“Yeah, I’m 7 weeks tomorrow.” 

“I just hit 10 weeks,” she says and then her jaw drops, she can’t believe it. “Holy shit?” 

“Oh man… this is going to ruin Aaron’s plan…”

“What is?” 

“He was going to ask Derek to step up as chief and have you move into Derek's spot,” Y/N shares. “I guess we have to ask Spencer now.” 

“He’ll do it,” JJ all but answers for him. “Him and Derek running shit will be interesting but… I think they can do it.” 

“And Penelope will be there to keep them in check,” Y/N teases. “But anyway, how are you feeling? Are you okay?” 

JJ nods, “I’m good, it’s surprisingly a lot similar to Henry’s pregnancy so I’m just nauseous all day and sore when I come home and I could honestly fall asleep anywhere… but I’m good.” 

“I haven’t been sick yet,” Y/N shares with her fingers crossed. “I really don’t want to throw up but I know it’ll hit me out of nowhere soon. I remember when Peter's cousin had their first she was only sick in the second trimester and I have a feeling I might get that too.” 

“Spencer would say that’s because in the first semester, your body sometimes heals everything in you in order to make the most habitable home for the baby and then you’re so worn down in the second trimester that you get sick easily,” she explains, having heard it all before. “He said the same thing to Callahan last year when she had her baby.” 

“What’s in the water here getting us all knocked up?” Y/N teases. “I mean, who’s next?” 

“Derek,” JJ jokes. “With the rate he and Savannah are having weekends alone… it’ll happen.” 

“I just hope he waits until Aaron is done with his paternity leave.” 

—

Finding a doctor that could do appointments on weekends was hard. They couldn’t find a way to sneak out of the office during the week to go to an appointment without the team figuring out what was going on and most of their cases took them out of D.C. for 2-4 days so they’d have to reschedule anyway. 

It’s actually Derek who’s able to hook that up for them. He simply asks his Doctor girlfriend and she asks one of her OBGYN friends at the hospital — who are more than willing to help out a couple of FBI agents on a weekend. 

Y/N and Aaron come in that next Saturday at 10am and finally get to see their tiny little baby in her ever-growing stomach… she was already having a hard time fitting into her work pants and she was only 2 months along. Aaron loved it, which she knew he would, she just didn’t expect him to have his hands on her all the time. At work, he’d rest his hand on her side with his fingers slowly inching towards her tummy and at home, he was all over her. The doctor's office was no different. 

He helps her out of her pants and into a gown for the ultrasound and then onto the exam table. He takes a seat beside her and quickly his hand comes up to rest on her stomach. She covers his hand with her own and caresses him with her thumb, “you’re so cute,” she compliments. 

“Why?” He laughs, “cause I can’t keep my hands off you?” 

“I don’t know if it’s your fatherly instincts or what, but you basically guard my belly now,” she teases. “It’s cute.” 

“I love you two, sue me,” he teases right back. 

The two of them laugh together more than anything else. He makes her so happy that her cheeks always end up hurting from smiling too much. They’re so in love it makes her feel a little crazy because there’s no way this is how love is always supposed to be. She can’t believe she missed out on these feelings for so long and she also can’t believe she gets to be this happy with him for the rest of her life. 

“Knock knock,” their doctor says as she opens up the door just a few inches. “Are you ready to start the appointment?” 

“Absolutely!” Y/N cheers, she sits up ever so slightly and squeezes Aaron's hand. “Thank you so much for taking us on a Saturday.” 

“Oh, no problem, Dr. Hayes told me all about what you guys do for our country, I wouldn’t dare turn you away,” she raves as she approaches them. She takes a seat on the little rolling stool and moves in closer to them. “Thanks for catching bad guys, you guys are like heroes.” 

“He’s the hero, he’s been doing it for 13 years,” Y/N pushes the compliment onto Aaron cause she doesn’t take them well. 

“It’s nothing,” Aaron waves it off. 

“Not nothing, it’s amazing… I’m Dr. Samantha Connors, by the way,” she says as she reaches out to shake Aaron's hand. “Is this your first baby?” 

“Mine, yeah,” Y/N smiles. “Aaron has a 10-year-old son named Jack, he’s the sweetest.”

“Okay good, so you’re familiar with these appointments, aren’t you Dad?” 

Aaron nods, “I wasn’t at all of them with my ex-wife, but from what I remember this appointment is just for the heartbeat and making sure the baby is growing properly, right?” 

Dr. Connors smiles, “Yeah, that’s exactly right. So, if you don’t mind, I’m going to get started with your ultrasound, okay?”

“Okay,” Y/N agrees, she gets comfortable in her seat, her feet in the stirrups, and she takes a deep breath knowing what was about to happen wasn’t comfortable. 

Aaron holds her hand the whole time that the doctor looks around without showing them the screen. They share little smiles and stare down the doctor together, both of them being experts at studying body language… they know everything is fine even before she turns the screen to them and says, “Are you ready to meet your baby?” 

They both beam, nodding as words escape them… their baby is so tiny and real and right there on the screen. “She looks like a cashew,” Y/N can’t help but say as her eyes well with tears. “Oh my gosh.” 

“I always forget how small they start out,” Aaron swoons just the same. 

“they’re measuring perfectly for 8 weeks and on my monitor here I see the heart beating but let’s hear it,” Doctor Connors says as she turns on the Doppler effect and the woosh of her heartbeat comes through. 

Y/N starts crying almost immediately, she tries so hard to hold it in but the tears run down her face, anyway.  Aaron is quick to cup her face in his hands and wipe her tears away, he presses a kiss to her cheek, “you’re okay,” he reminds her. “You’re doing so good, she’s so healthy.” 

“Very healthy,” Doctor Connors affirms. “We’re just waiting on the blood work you did in the other room to confirm, but just from the looks of things I think this is going to be a very successful pregnancy.”

“It’s my first time ever being pregnant,” Y/N shares. “I was trying for years with my ex-husband but he had a vasectomy and never told me so I always thought I couldn’t but it was him that was the issue. I’ve always wanted to see this, that’s why I’m crying.” 

“I’m so sorry,” she places her free hand on her chest. “That’s awful, I can’t believe that happened to you.” 

“It was awful… but I’m much happier on every front now,” She says as she smiles at Aaron. 

“You and me both, honey.” 

—

Aaron keeps looking in the rear-view mirror, he’s staring at Jack in the back seat. He still hasn’t told him where they’re going… Jack spent the night with Jess last night, he’s expecting to go right home but Aaron’s taking him to Y/N’s house for the first time. Y/N still doesn’t know that Aaron is working on buying the house, Jack has no idea either, so really it’s just Aaron trying to get them both used to being in that house together before he announces or proposes anything. 

At the end of the day, Jack's happiness and comfort are very important and if he isn't happy with this, Aaron will just have to find a way to make living in 2 places work for them. 

“Dad?” Jack asks from the back seat. 

“Yeah?” 

“You missed the road we take to go home…” 

“Oh… uh, I thought we could go see Y/N for dinner tonight? Is that okay?” Aaron asks, “She’s making pasta, you like pasta, right?” 

“Yeah, that’s cool,” Jack says with a smile. “I like her, she’s a good cook.” 

“She is,” Aaron smiles back. “You’re going to like her house, too, she has a big yard and a nice new couch for movies and she has Netflix, too.” 

“Oh! Yes, can we watch a movie before we leave tonight?” 

“I think that could be possible,” Aaron agrees. “But you’ll have to ask her, she worked all day and we didn’t sleep on the plane and now she’s making dinner, she’s probably going to be tired.” 

“I’ll be extra nice when I ask, I promise,” Jack says with a giddy look on his face. His shoulders rise as he clenches his fist and shimmies in his seat, overjoyed to get to spend more time with her. 

It’s everything Aaron could ever hope for and more, his two (almost 3) favourite people love to hang out together. That’s all he wanted. 

Y/N meets them outside on the front step when they arrive, she’s changed into her comfy clothes and she opens her arms wide when Jack runs towards her for a hug. “Hi buddy,” she coos, she pets his hair and gives his head a gentle kiss. “How are you?” 

“I’m good, Dad said you might be tired tonight but if you’re not can we watch another movie together?” He asks right away. 

“Oh, yeah, yeah we totally can, buddy. I’m a little tired but staying up with you is worth it,” she gives him a smile as she leads him inside. “What movie were you thinking?” 

Aaron just lets them go. He watches them talk to each other and share little smiles and laughs and he can’t believe this is his life.

When Haley died, the last thing he could imagine was feeling this in love again and the second last thing he could imagine was Jack having a motherly figure as he grew up. He was so scared to do it alone and fuck him up and then he blinked and his life fell into place once again. His son is happy, his girlfriend is happy, and their baby is healthy. There’s nothing more he could wish for. 

“You know, I actually have a surprise for both of you,” Y/N announces midway through dinner.” 

“Really?” Jack perks up. 

“Really?” Aaron is surprised, she hasn’t told him anything and normally they’re like open books with each other. 

“I saw that one of the neighbours was moving a bunk bed into the bed of her husband's truck and she said they were just going to take it to the dump because no one would answer their Craigslist add for a free bunk bed… so I took a look at it and it was in great condition and I gave her husband 50 bucks to help me put it together in one of the spare bedrooms,” she explains, smiling with all her teeth the whole time. “And then I messaged Derek and he had 2 single mattresses in the storage unit and he dropped them off for me so now Jack, you have a place to sleep here if you want to stay.” 

“I’ve never had a bunk bed before!” Jack says as he gets up from his seat at the table to run over and give her another hug. “Thank you, Y/N.” 

“You’re welcome,” she says just loud enough for him to hear. Her shoulders drop and she holds him close, resting her cheek on top of his head. “Next time we have a day off we can go pick out some stuff to decorate your room, okay?” 

She peers over to Aaron, he’s smiling at her with his heart in his eyes, “I love you,” he mouths, not yet ready for Jack to hear that but it’s true. He sometimes can’t believe the amount of love he feels for her, it’s overwhelming in the best way possible. 

After dinner, Aaron sends them both out to the living room to pick a movie and start watching it while he cleans up the kitchen for Y/N. He doesn’t know what they’re watching, but hearing them laugh together makes him smile as he fills the dishwasher and hand-washes the pots and pans she used to make the pasta. When he comes out of the kitchen, Jack is snuggled back into Y/N’s side with his hand on her belly, watching the movie without a clue that she’s carrying his little sibling in there. Aaron takes a sneaky picture of them on his cellphone, he wants to remember this moment forever. The moment both his families became one unit.

He takes a seat on her other side and she’s quick to take his hand in hers. She gives his hand a squeeze and he caresses her with his thumb, she leans over and rests her head on his shoulder, giving him the chance to press a kiss to her temple.

—

When it's time for Jack to go to bed, he sits in the bottom bunk of his new bed and he looks around the room like something is missing. “What’s wrong?” Y/N asks.

He shrugs, “Nothing.” 

Aaron isn’t in the room, he’s stepped out to the car to get Jack's overnight bag with his pjs and toothbrush, so he can’t read Jack and tell her what’s going on. She has to pry. So she takes a seat beside him, making sure she doesn’t hit her head on the top bunk and she smiles softly, “You know you can tell me anything, right?” 

He nods and bites his lip, avoiding eye contact with her. “I need a night light.” 

“Oh,” she should’ve known. “Um… I don’t have a normal night light but I have some string lights for Christmas I could put up, would that work?” 

“Yeah, I don’t like the dark,” he shares. 

“I don’t either,” she shares right back. “I think the lights are in a box under the stairs, do you want to come look with me? You can hold the flashlight?” 

“Okay!” Jack agrees pretty easily, they run down the stairs together and to the kitchen where her flashlight sits in a drawer and she gives it to him. He flicks it on and off a few times with a smile, “thank you, Y/N.” 

“You’re welcome, buddy,” she waves it off as no big deal and leads him to the cubby under the stairs. 

He stands to the side, behind her, with the light on for her so she can see into all the boxes of things she hasn’t unpacked yet. She digs for a while, both of them don’t notice that Aaron has come back in or that he’s standing in the doorway, once again listening to them. “Here they are,” she announces as she pulls out the bundle of lights. 

She holds them up to show Jack and he smiles, big and wide, “You’re the best… I really liked Beth and I was scared my dad wouldn’t find another nice lady to love like he did before with my mom but you’re even nicer. I’m really happy he loves you and you love him. He’s a lot happier now that you love him.” 

“Jack,” she swoons and wraps her arms around him, trying not to cry. “That’s the sweetest thing you could’ve ever said to me!”

“It’s just the truth,” he laughs awkwardly while hugging her back. 

When they come out of the little cubby under the stairs, they’re both shocked to see Aaron there, smiling. “Oh, hi,” Y/N smiles at him, still all teary-eyed. 

“Dad, we’re going to hang these in my room!” Jack cheers, he’s so excited. 

“Alright… with what?” Aaron asks, ready to help. 

“I have some push pins in the kitchen we can just put them in the wall and drape the lights over it,” Y/N suggests. “And then when we go out to the store for decorations we’ll get you a real night light, okay?” 

“Okay!” Jack shouts, overexcited, “You get the pins and I’ll put these upstairs!” And then he runs up the stairs to his new room. 

“You’re so good with him,” Aaron coos, wrapping his arm around her and bringing her in for a hug. He kisses the top of her head and then she looks up at him with tears in her eyes. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing. Nothing is wrong. I’m just so happy,” she admits. She leans in for a quick kiss, pressing her lips to his, they breathe each other in for a quick moment before pulling apart. “Are we going to tell him tomorrow?” She whispers. 

He nods, “I was thinking we could take him to the restaurant where I introduced you to him, for breakfast tomorrow, and we could tell him there?” 

“That sounds perfect,” she agrees, “you can go help him get dressed and I’ll be up in a minute, okay?” 

“Sounds good,” Aaron gives her a smile, his hand grazes her tummy as he pulls away fully and heads towards the stairs. 

She watches him go with a soft smile on her face, she just shakes her head… she can’t believe this is her life now. She has a wonderful husband, the sweetest stepson and she’s pregnant with another perfect Hotchner. What more could she ever wish for?

When she gets upstairs, Jack is in his pjs, his teeth are brushed and he’s sitting happily in his bed, waiting for Y/N to return with the lights already plugged into the wall and turned on, ready to be hung up. She hands Aaron a few pins and they each stick them in the walls, an equal distance from each other so they hang nicely. “I really hope Derek won’t mind…” 

“He won’t, it’s not going to be his house for long,” Aaron says with a sneaky smile on his face like he’s been planning something. 

She doesn’t say anything, it’s not something they need to discuss in front of Jack but if he was going to buy this house to make it their shared home, she would not be mad about that. In fact, she’d be overjoyed to have her whole family under 1 roof. 

Once the lights are up, Jack lies down in his bed against the pillows and smiles. “This is perfect.” 

“You really like it?” Y/N asks, seeking his approval. 

Jack just nods with a hum. “I’m really tired now.” 

“okay buddy, we’ll get out of your hair,” Aaron announces, moving towards the door. “Sweet dreams.” 

Y/N brushes her hand over Jack's hair and makes sure it’s out of his face and she leans down to kiss his forehead. “Thank you for a wonderful night, buddy. We’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Is Dad going to be in your room?” 

“No, why?” Y/N shakes her head, wondering why he’d ask that. 

“If I have a bad dream, I need to know where he is… don’t most grown-ups in love sleep in the same bed?” 

“Yeah, but we didn’t think you were ready to see us sleeping together in the mornings,” Aaron answers. “Would you be okay with it?” 

Jack nods, eyelids getting heavier. “Yeah, it’s okay.” 

“Okay then, that’s where you’ll find me if you need me. I love you, buddy,” Aaron says as he flicks out the light. 

“Love you. Dad Love you, Y/N.” 

She tries so hard not to cry again, “I love you too, Jack,” she whispers and heads out with Aaron. 

They shut the door to his room once they’re out and she places her hand over his heart, “You have the sweetest son in the world.” She whispers. 

“He was never this cute with Beth, I mean, he was nice to her and he invited her to have sleepovers in the tent we made in the living room but he never told her he loved her…” 

“He’s the son of a profiler, I think he’s just good at reading people because I do love you, Aaron Hotchner, I love you so much,” she drapes her arms over his shoulders and smiles up at him. 

He wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her in close so their tummies touch, “I love you, too… Y/N Hotchner.” 

Her brows raise at that, surprised, “really? I didn’t think you wanted to get married again?” 

“I didn’t either,” he admits. “Come on, let’s go hang out before bed.” 

“Once I go down the stairs I don’t know if I’ll have the energy to come back up,” she admits. “Can we hang out in my room?” 

“Yeah, of course,” Aaron doesn’t mind as she pulls away, he simply runs his hands over her upper arms and smiles. “Anything you want from downstairs? I’m going to go lock up and make sure everything’s secure, maybe grab a water for myself.” 

“Um, maybe a water and a ginger ale for if I get nauseous in the night and some crackers?” 

“You got it, go get in bed and I’ll be right back up.” 

She goes right to her room after that, she changes for bed and does her night routine in the bathroom. She’s midway through putting lotion on her belly and hips when she hears the alarm system turn on with its signature charm and then the sound of feet on the staircase. He puts everything on her night table and then peeks into the bathroom, standing in the doorway with a smile when he sees her shirt up, exposing her belly, as she rubs lotion over it. 

“What?” She asks, “Never seen a pregnant lady try to avoid stretch marks before?” 

“You’re just so beautiful,” he muses. 

“Well, then, look all you want,” she teases. 

He steps into the bathroom and makes his way to her, he places both his hands on her belly and he shakes his head in disbelief. He knees to the ground and places a kiss on her belly, “You know they can hear around 18 weeks? So I’ll get to talk to them in a few weeks.” 

“I did know that,” she smiles down at him. “I’ve read all the books, you know? I had 8 years to prepare for this.” 

He kisses her belly again and again, his hands wrap around to her lower back and one drops down to cup her ass, bringing her in closer to him. He hugs her that way, resting his cheek against her belly. “I can’t wait to talk to you, sweetheart.” 

“You really think it’s a girl?” 

He nods, “Yeah, I do. But even if I’m wrong, I’m just so excited to get to bond with them. When Haley was pregnant, I wasn’t home very often, I felt like I missed almost everything and then when Jack was born I did miss all the big moments. I wasn’t a good dad until she died and I had to be. I don’t want to do that this time.” 

“I don’t think you were a bad dad, there are mothers who work and don’t see their kids often, too, you know? Do you consider JJ a bad mom because she missed Henry's first word and she wasn’t there when he walked for the first time? No. You don’t,” she points out. “You were working, and so was she. Working didn’t stop you from loving him with your whole heart, that right there, loving him, all of him, is the most important part of being a good parent.” 

“God, I love you,” Aaron sighs, his shoulders drop and he looks up at her with the softest expression. “Thank you.” 

“Come here,” she says, placing her hands under his armpits she helps pull him back up to his feet and then she wraps her arms around his middle and leans in for a kiss. She whispers against his lips, “Come to bed with me?”

“Always.” 

—

When Jack wakes up in the morning he unplugs the Christmas lights and carefully opens his door so he doesn’t wake anyone up. He knows he has a tendency to wake up extra early, and he doesn’t have a clock in his new room so he has no way of knowing if it’s a good time to wake up or not. He simply goes to the bathroom, brushes his teeth and heads downstairs to look at the time. 

It’s almost 7, his normal wake-up time for school, and his Dads normal wake-up time for work, so he doesn’t feel bad going back up the stairs and knocking on Y/N’s door. 

“Come in,” Y/N answers from inside, so Jack opens it slowly. 

“Hi,” he smiles once he’s inside.

“Good morning, buddy,” she smiles back, blinking into the morning light, slowly waking up. She’s on her side, cuddled into a pillow with Aaron cuddled up behind her, his arm slung around her and cupping her stomach. “Did you sleep okay?” 

He nods as he makes his way over to the bed. “Yeah, did you?” 

She nods and Aaron groans behind her, “What time is it?” 

“Seven,” Jack answers. “I can go back to my room if—

“No, no, it’s fine,” Y/N stops him. “Do you want to climb in with us for a bit? We’re going to go out for breakfast later.” 

She moves the pillow she was cuddling to the floor and lets Jack take its place. He snuggles right in and sighs as he relaxes. “Where?”

“At McGillicuddy’s,” Aaron answers. “You like the pancakes there, right?” 

“Yeah, but it’s not a special day? We only go on special days?” 

“Every day with you is special,” Y/N teases, she snuggles him in closer and kisses his cheek.

“Okay,” Jack laughs, a sweet pink blush on his cheeks. 

Y/N lays on her side still, cuddled into Jack, as Hotch sits up and rests his hand on Y/Ns shoulder and then rests his chin on his hand. He tilts his head to the side and smiles, he hasn’t had a morning lay-in with his family in a long time. Jack hasn’t either. He smiles back at his dad, “Did you sleep okay?”

“We did,” Aaron answers for them both. “How were the lights?” 

“Good, I didn’t get scared when I woke up to roll over,” Jack shares. “I really liked my new bed, too.” 

“I’m glad,” Aaron says with a sigh, he’s still tired and Jack can tell. “Do you want to go get ready? There are some extra clothes in your overnight bag.” 

“Not yet,” Jack snuggles in even closer to Y/N and holds onto the arm she has slung over his chest. “I want a few more minutes before everything changes.” 

“What do you mean?” Y/N doesn’t understand. “Nothing's changing? We’re just going to get breakfast.” 

“Okay,” Jack whispers. “It’s just… Dad took me to Disney World when him and Beth broke up, I know he takes me places when he has big news.” 

“You took him to Disney world for that?” Y/N turns to him, she can’t believe she didn’t know that. 

“Yeah, I thought he’d take the news better if he was having fun,” Aaron explains, he rubs his hand over his eyes and shakes his head, “I’m sorry, Jack, I don’t want you to equate bad news with your favourite places, I didn’t mean to do that.” 

“So it really is just a trip to get pancakes?” Jack sits up and looks at them both. “You’re not breaking up?” 

“No, we’re not, sweetheart, I promise,” Y/N assures him as she takes his hands in her own. “I love your dad, I’m never leaving him… we did want to tell you something though.” 

“Y/N,” Aaron warns, he didn’t want to do it this way. 

“Aaron, he’s scared, we have o tell him the truth,” she says as she sits up as well. She rests against the headboard and lets the blankets pool around her waist. She runs her hands over her shirt-covered tummy, “I’m pregnant, Jack.” 

His eyes light right up, “really?” He goes to touch her belly but he doesn’t, he holds himself back. He doesn’t know if it would be weird or not. 

She nods, “Yeah, I’m far enough along now that I know the baby is safe and healthy and hopefully, nothing bad can happen to it now, which is why I wanted to tell you. I didn’t want to get your hopes up if I lost it, but you’re going to have a sibling.” 

“Are you okay with this, buddy?” Aaron asks, overanalyzing his facial expressions. 

Jack starts to cry a bit as he nods, “I’m going to be a brother?” 

“Yeah…” Y/N wants to cry too, so she rubs his arm. “It’s okay, Jack, you can be emotional.” 

He covers his face as he cries, “I’m so happy, I promise!” 

Y/N pulls him into a hug, crying now as well, “I’m so happy you’re happy, Jack, I’ve wanted to tell you for so long now. It was so hard keeping it a secret.” 

He hugs her so tight, he rests his cheek on her shoulder and reaches out for his dad to pull him into the hug as well. So Aaron wraps his arm around them and presses his cheek to Jack's head. When he pulls back, so does Jack, he wipes his tears and smiles with all his teeth, “Do you know what it is?” 

Y/N shakes her head, “Not yet, we find out next weekend. You can come with us if you want?” 

“I want to,” he agrees. “Are we still going to get pancakes?”

Y/N and Aaron laugh, “Yeah buddy, we can,” Aaron agrees. “Do you want to go get ready now?” 

He nods and bounces on the bed a bit before moving to hop off. As soon as his feet hit the floor he runs out the door and down the hall to his own room. He’s quick to change and then he has to wait. Y/N takes a bit longer than he and his dad to get ready, she wants to look pretty and he understands that, but he already thinks she’s the prettiest girl in the world. 

He even tells his dad that. 

“I know, I tell her all the time,” Aaron says with a blushy smile.  “I’m really proud of you, you know that, right? You’ve been so kind and accepting of our relationship and Y/N’s always wanted a baby, so you being happy with her dream coming true means a lot to her.” 

“Really? I didn’t know that.” 

Aaron just nods, “she was married before too, but her ex-husband wasn’t a nice guy and made her feel bad for wanting a baby so bad—

“Did he not want kids?” 

“No, and he lied to her. You know how babies are made, you said so yourself… well, he had a surgery done to stop him from being able to get anyone pregnant and never told her so she thought she didn’t have any good eggs, he made her feel really sad all the time. All I want is to make her happy, and that means making sure you have a good relationship with her too because we’re going to be one big family in 6 months,” Aaron explains it all to the best of his ability. 

“Oh,” Jack sits back, sad for her. “That was mean of him.” 

“He was really mean.” 

“That makes me sad… Y/N is so nice, she didn’t deserve that,” Jack says. It’s really mature of him, he feels really bad for her. 

“I know, but she’s really happy now with us,” Aaron assures. He places his hand on Jacks shoulder and smiles. “I promised to always make her happy, I’m glad you want to, too.” 

And he does. He wants to make her the happiest and he thinks he knows how. 

At the restaurant, they all order pancakes and a few sides, and as soon as the waitress walks away, Jack stands up. “I have to pee.” 

“you know where the bathroom is?” Aaron asks, making sure he’s okay to go alone.

He nods, “I’ll be back.” 

He walks towards the bathroom, which is right beside the kitchen, and out of view from their table. He stands in the doorway and waves his waitress over. “Excuse me?” 

“Did you forget to order something?” 

He shakes his head, “My stepmom is having a baby, can you write ‘congratulations mom’ on her pancakes with chocolate syrup like they wrote happy birthday for my birthday last year?” 

She swoons, “of course, we can! That’s so sweet of you to ask, she’s going to love it.” 

Jack thanks her and does head to the bathroom after, just to make sure they believed where he went. When he comes back, they carry on a conversation like normal, they ask Jack about school and he asks about work and when he’ll get to see Derek and Spencer again, he loves his uncles a lot. He has a playdate with Henry this week, so they’ll get to bond over being big brothers together and Jacks is so overjoyed with the news. He thought he’d have to just watch Henry get a brother and not get to know what it’s like, but now he will. Secretly, he hopes it's a boy, but if he got a sister he’d be okay with that too. He’d love her just as much. 

“Okay, I have pancakes and bacon for Dad,” the waitress says as she places a plate in front of Aaron. “Pancakes with extra syrup on the side for the little guy… and I’ll be back with yours.” 

“Okay,” Y/N smiles at her, she doesn’t mind waiting. 

It takes all of 2 minutes for her to return, the waitress smiles so big the whole room shines. “Here you go, Mom,” she says as she places the plate in front of her.

Y/N’s jaw drops, “how did— Jack?” She knew it was him by the way he giggles and rubs his hands together. “Did you ask them to do this?”

He nods, “it’s a special breakfast, you said so yourself.” 

Aaron looks over at her plate and reads the “congrats mom” written on the top pancake. Even he swoons. 

“Jack, thank you,” Y/N says, she gets up and hugs him in the middle of the restaurant. 

“You’re welcome,” he says with his face pressed to her tummy from their height difference. “I’m really happy for you and my dad, I always wanted a brother or sister… and secretly,” he whispers to her and she moves down so he can speak just to her. He cups his hand over her ear, “I wanted a step mom after my mom died.” 

She hugs him again, even tighter. “I love you, Jack, I really mean it.” 

“I love you, too.” 

—

 She brings a box of donuts into the office on Monday morning, the team watches with wide eyes as she sets the pink box down on the conference table, ready to attack like Vultures. “I know you guys already guessed and probably have a bet going, but, I wanted to tell you all… I’m pregnant too!” 

“Ah!” They all shout as they stand up to congratulate her, they surround her with hugs and questions and happiness. 

“Two BAU babies in one year, what am I going to do?” Penelope teases. “Should we do a combined shower?” 

“Y/N gets the shower,” JJ insists. “This is my second baby, I already have everything I need from the last time, we should celebrate her.” 

“Okay, so a shower and a sprinkle,” Penelope compromises. 

“I’d love that, thank you, Penny,” Y/N smiles at her and then turns to look out the window to see her boyfriend talking to Anderson in the bullpen. “I’m not sure what’s going on, but Aaron will be up in a minute, he’s got some news for you too.” 

“Here,” Spencer rushes over to help Y/N get into a seat. “You don’t need to be standing anymore.” 

“Thanks,” she loves being pampered like this. “I’m still going to come out with you guys for a few more weeks, I’ll be moving to official desk duty at 20, maybe 25 weeks.” 

“I’m not sitting out till my water breaks,” JJ teases. “And if this is anything like the first time, it’ll probably happen around 37 weeks.” 

“He’s your second boy though, he might be a bit lazier,” Y/N says, she’s read all the books, and she’s talked to all the moms. Second boys typically stay in longer than usual.

“Do you know what you’re having yet?” Derek asks, he’s known the longest so this isn’t really a shock to him. 

She shakes her head. “We find out on Saturday, but we think she’s a girl,” she runs her hand over her belly with a smile. “Jack wants a brother to be like Henry but he said he’ll still be happy with a sister, too.” 

“How's that going to work? You and Aaron making a family while he has Jack and their own apartment?” Spencer asks, always wondering about the logistics. 

She shrugs, “I think he’s planning to move Jack and himself in with me but we haven’t talked about it… I’d be fine with it, I’m just worried we’re moving too fast and Jack's going to have a hard time with it all. I mean, I’m not his mom, I can’t replace her and I don’t want to, but the kid is so darn cute and I love him to bits. Playing happy family with him would be easy.”

“Have you talked to him?” Derek asks. 

She nods, “We wanted to take him out for pancakes yesterday and he thought because Aaron only takes him there for big news, that we were breaking up. So we had to tell him before we left and he’s happy, so, so happy he cried… and then he got the waitress to put ‘congrats mom’ on my pancakes. He has a room at my place now, too, and we’re going to go shopping after the ultrasound this weekend. He’s really happy with all this, I’m just scared it won’t last.” 

“He is a sweet kid,” JJ agrees. “I can have Will talk to him when he comes over this week? See how he really feels about all this?” 

“Yeah, that would be good,” Y/N nods. 

“Can I say something?” Spencer interjects. He waits for a nod and then continues. “If someone loved my mom the way you love Aaron and they entered my life when I was 10, right after my dad left, and loved me and cared for me and made a conscious effort to make sure I felt safe and included… it would’ve made a world of difference for me. Having just 1 parent who isn’t around very much is difficult, but you’re making that hurt a bit less for him. When he says he loves you, he means it. Believe me.” 

“Oh spence,” her heart breaks for him. “I had no idea?” 

He shrugs, “newer members wouldn’t… but it’s okay, I have my family here, my childhood just pushed me to get here.” 

Derek reaches over and rubs Spencer's arm, “and we love ya, kid.” 

Spencer just nods, he bites his lip as if there’s more and he doesn’t know what to do and then it all pours out of him. “I uh… I don’t want to make this about me, please don’t—

“It’s okay, Spence,” Y/N sits up a bit straighter and stares at him with a comforting look, “We’re here for you, whatever it is.” 

“My mom's doctor called me and he thinks she might be exhibiting signs of Alzheimer's and they don’t know what to do for her because they’re not a nursing home, they’re a sanatarium,” he explains with teary eyes. “I really don’t know what to do, either.” 

“Bring her out here, we can get her into a facility closer to you and Will and I can help out,” JJ offers. “The boys can call her grandma, we can visit when I’m on maternity leave and you’re on a case, we can take care of her.” 

“And we’ll bring Jack and the baby around too,” Y/N adds. “I’ll be off for the whole year after, maybe longer. I would love to go check on her for you.” 

“We could even reach out to Dave and see if we can borrow his plane cause she doesn’t like to fly,” Penelope is already in planning mode. “We can make it as easy as possible for her.” 

“You guys would really do that for her?” Spencer asks, so close to really crying. 

“Of course, we would,” Derek says, still rubbing his arm to comfort him.

Aaron walks into the room then, “What’s happening?” 

Spencer panics, suddenly feeling bad for sharing his personal life on company time like this is a bad thing. Y/N can see it on her face so she jumps in, “We’re just sharing some personal stuff… I can catch you up later, honey.”

“Okay…” Aaron takes a seat at the table, hesitantly. “But everything’s fine?” 

They all nod, “congrats by the way,” Derek throws in. 

“Oh, thanks,” Aaron starts to smile, overjoyed that everyone knew now. “As you all know, I didn’t really take time off with Jack, so I will be taking 6 months of paternity leave starting mid-September, and my replacement will be Derek. We still need to figure out who will bump up into Derek's space for the time I’m away, but we have lots of time for that.” 

“I would do it, but,” JJ points down at her bump and shrugs. 

“I have reached out to Emily,” Aaron adds. “She’s thinking about it, but if she says no, Spencer I would love—

“I can’t,” Spencer immediately cuts him off. “I have too much on my plate right now, I wouldn’t be the best choice.” 

“Okay, well, maybe one of our new members would be willing to step up,” Hotch slides that in. The rest of them don’t even know who’s joining the team yet.

“Do we know them?” JJ asks. 

He nods, “Dr. Tara Lewis is going to start next month. She’s a forensic psychologist who’s spent the last 4 years interviewing psychopathic criminals to ensure they’re fit for trial, she has a lot of insight on the criminals we’ve caught and she’ll be very handy going forward. However, the reason I’m so late is because I was telling the new guy where to put his things.”

“He’s starting today?” Y/N lights up. “Oh, you guys are going to love him. His name is Luke Alvez, he’s from the fugitive task force and he has a cute German Shepard he got when he came home from Iraq and he’s just amazing.” 

“Wow, that’s high praise coming for you,” Derek teases. 

“Oh hush,” she pushes back. “Aarons the first real man I’ve ever been into, I’m not normally one for the manly, in charge, leader types—

“Okay,” Aaron reaches over to hold her hand and make her stop, he’s getting a bit blushy. “Before we all get written up, the new guy is coming up in a second and we do have a case to get to.”

“That we do,” Penelope stands up with the remote in her hands. “The wheel has been spun and your destination is sunny southern California.”

—

This case is a slow one. 3 bodies over 6 months caused the case to pass by his desk and be on his radar, however, the 4th body was found only 2 weeks after the 3rd and now they’re officially on the case… but they still don’t have enough information. Knowing the timeline, a 5th body should drop within the week with a slue of new evidence for them to look over live and in person. Until then, they all head back to their hotel rooms for some much-needed rest and alone time. 

Aaron leads her from the elevator to their room, he’s carrying both bags while she opens the door and lets them inside. He places the bags on the floor by the dresser with a sigh. “I am exhausted.” 

“Me too,” she agrees with a matching sigh. She places her hands on her hips and sticks her belly out, trying to stretch her back which hurts more and more as their baby grows. 

“Do you want to hop in the shower with me and then we can go to bed?” Aaron asks. 

She nods and makes her way to the bathroom, she turns on the shower and immediately starts to undress. Aaron watches her with a delicate yes, unbuttoning each button on his dress shirt as slowly as possible so he can appreciate her as she gets naked. 

“You coming?” She asks as she steps into the shower, wondering why he’s taking so long to strip.

“Mhm,” he nods, “am I not allowed to admire you?” 

She gives him a knowing look, dipping her head and looking at him through her lashes, “I thought you were tired?” 

“Last time I was tired after a shower, I got you pregnant,” he reminds her. 

She just laughs, “We haven’t had much time to fuck since I got pregnant, have we?” 

He strips out of his shirt and pushes his pants to the ground, “not really, but I don’t mind.”

“I do,” she whines. “There’s nothing I want more than to spend all my time with you in our bed, making up for lost time and appreciating what little we have left before we have a baby… but I feel weird doing it with Jack in the house.” 

“He’s a heavy sleeper and he knocks before entering,” Aaron assures her. 

“Still feels weird.”

Aaron doesn’t fight her, he just gets into the shower with her and watches her relax under the water. They wash off the day with complimentary body wash and share little conversations about their co-workers and even the case. They share sweet glances and soft touches and they don’t want to get out even though they know they should. She just wraps her arms around him and rests her cheek on his chest as the water cascades down her body and his strong hands hold her close. 

Out of the shower, Aaron brings her all of her lotions and creams and he sets her pjs down on the bed to wait for her. He changes into fresh boxers, he checks his phone and hops into their single queen size bed all alone and awaiting her return to his side. When she does return, she smells good and she’s soft and she doesn’t change into her pjs… she stands at the foot of the bed and drops her towel, naked and on show just for him. 

“I think that shower just woke me up, if anything.” 

He smirks, throwing the blankets back, he beckons her closer. “Come on then,” he says, sitting up a bit so he can push his boxers off his hips and slip them down his legs. 

She climbs onto the bed, crawling on her knees towards him, she helps him remove his boxers and toss them to the floor before she takes a seat in his lap. His hands soothe over her thighs, up to her hips and then her pretty little bump. He smirks, keeping his dirty comments to himself. 

The head of his cock brushed her clit as she ground down on him, his hands found her hips once more as he instinctively helped her find a rhythm. He could feel how wet she was, helping her glide over him so easily, her breath hitched every time her hips bucked, she was enjoying herself just like this. It made him even more excited. She leaned in then, kissing his neck as she continued to grind down on him.

“I need you,” he gasped.

She smiled against his skin, lifting her hips enough for him to line up with her before she started to sink down on him. “Fuck,” she gasped as she sat down fully, her hands resting on Aaron's shoulders as she tried to get used to it all. Lifting herself up and grinding down little by little to get the rhythm going again.

Aaron held close as he scoots down the bed a bit, he lays back against the pillows while she stays sitting up. She rests her hands on his chest now, using him for leverage to ride him. He grips her ass, helping her rut against him but it’s hard. She really is tired and riding him takes a lot of effort with a basketball-sized bump between them. She leans in to kiss him on the lips, holding his face with one of her hands. Aaron's hands encapsulate her back, his big strong hands hold her closer

“Fuck,” he groaned, bending his knees, he pile drives up into her over and over. 

She’s been a lot more sensitive since getting pregnant, the simplest, lightest touch to her clit could get her off. Each and every time their bodies connect, his groin slams against her swollen clit, exciting her more and more. 

“I’m so close,” she whispered in his ear, kissing his cheek and resting her open mouth against his. They weren’t kissing, they were panting over each other with their foreheads resting together. “Aaron,” she whines, a bit louder than she expected to be. 

Euphoria fills the empty spaces between them as she came, gasping and shaking over him. He’s right there behind her, sucked in deeper than before, she tightens around him and his hips sputter as he finishes deep inside her. She collapses against him only moments before she lifts her hips and rolls off of him and onto her side of the bed. Still breathing heavily, she covers her face with her arm and melts into the bed. “Holy fuck…” 

Aaron laughs as he turns to his side and cuddles into her, his head on her shoulder and hand on her stomach. “Feel better?” He teases. 

She nods, breathing steadying out. “Too tired to change now.” 

“You gotta pee, too,” he reminds her and sits up. “Come on, the quicker we do this, the quicker we can go to bed.” 

She sighs as she sits up, but she knows he’s right. He helps her back to her feet and he changes while she goes to the bathroom. When she comes back, he hands her her underwear to put on and helps her into a shirt, they fluff their pillows and get under the covers together and go right back to cuddling. 

Aaron has an alarm set for tomorrow morning and the lights turn off. It’s quiet as they lay there, holding one another. “I love you,” Aaron reminds her.

“I love you, too,” she replies, smiling to herself. 

He can sense she wants to keep talking until they fall asleep, she usually does. It’s something he loves about falling asleep beside her, she tells him anything and everything on her mind and it’s always sweet. 

“What are you thinking about?” He asks. 

“Baby names… after Saturday we’ll know who they are and we’ll have to start to really think about a name that suits them,” she explains. “You remember back when the divorce went through and we were talking about names you liked when you thought Jack was going to be a girl?” 

He hums, “like it was yesterday.” 

“I keep thinking about Juliet and how you said you like it… but I like it with e-t-t-e on the end, Juliette Hotchner.” 

“Oh,” Aaron's heart flutters. It sounds perfect for his little girl… if he ever gets his dream of having one. A tear bubbles in his eyes, “yeah. Yeah, it sounds perfect.” 

She places his hand over his, cupping her belly, and she grips it tight. He snuggles in even closer, he kisses her shoulder and lets the tears fall down. “I love you and our family.” 

“We love you even more.” 

—

The case ends mid-day on Friday, but by the time the plane is ready and they’re taking off, Jack is already going to bed back in D.C. with Haley’s sister, Jessica, watching over him. They land around 9pm EST and go right to Y/N’s house to sleep. Aaron texted Jess around 10, telling her that he’d be over in the morning. 

When they show up Saturday morning, Jess is standing in the doorway of Aaron's apartment with a smile. “I have a proposition for you…” 

“Okay?” Aaron is a bit hesitant. 

“My girlfriend is getting into photography again and she’s trying to set up her portfolio, would you guys like some free maternity photos?” 

Y/N's eyes light up, she doesn’t know if Jess means girlfriend like a Girlfriend or like how some women call all their friends girl-friends… either way, she’s excited. “I’d love that!” 

“She’s really nice, you’ll like her,” Jack adds, apparently he’s already met her. 

“Oh,” Aarons just as shocked about it. “When did you meet her?”

“On Tuesday,” Jess admits. “We already had dinner plans so she brought some takeout over and we all ate here, I hope that’s okay?” 

“Oh, yeah, that’s fine. I’m happy you have someone, Jess,” Aaron admits, he’d never say it but he had his suspicions the longer she went without ever having a boyfriend. 

She smiles even more, “Thanks, Aaron… uh, her name is Mel, by the way, she heard Jack talking about you being pregnant and she really wanted to do a shoot for you whenever you’re free.”

“I mean if tomorrow is too soon—

“Tomorrow could work, I can ask her?” Jess jumps in before Y/N even finishes her suggestion. 

Y/N reaches out for Jess’ hand and pulls her close, she hugs her, “I’m so glad you’re okay with all of this.” 

Jess holds her close, resting her chin on her shoulder. “Haley would’ve liked you, you know,” she whispers. 

“Don’t make me cry,” Y/N tries to laugh it off, it’s weird to think how much different all this would be if she was still alive. “I’m going to do enough crying this afternoon.” 

“You find out the gender today, right?” Jess asks as she pulls back. 

Y/N nods, “I’m so excited to know, then we can move on to naming them.” 

“Them?” 

“Oh, no, it’s just one, I just find calling them ‘it’ is weird and calling them she when we don’t even know is making me feel bad cause what if I get attached to them being a girl and then they’re not? You know?” 

“Oh, okay I thought you were having twins I was like… how are you going to do that with Aaron being gone all the time?” 

“I’m taking 6 months paternity leave,” Aaron says and he doesn’t look too happy about the way Jess said that. “I’m still sorry I wasn’t always there for Jack, but they don’t need me as much as they did back then. I had 4 new members, and we were getting the team off the ground again. I can leave easier this time.” 

“What do you mean, Dad?” Jack asks, not ever thinking anything was wrong about his childhood. 

“I’m sorry,” Jess slips in first. “I didn’t mean it like that.” 

Aaron sighs and he ruffles Jack's hair, “I worked a lot when you were a baby.” 

“But you saved people, that’s worth it,” Jack understands.

“He did,” Jess agrees too, even though he couldn’t save the one person that meant the most to all of them. 

“Okay,” Y/N cuts into the tension with a knife. “Jack, are you ready to go? I was thinking we could go shopping before the appointment instead, okay?” 

He nods, “I have to grab my backpack.” 

“Where are you guys going to go?” Jess asks as she grabs her purse, she’s going to leave now too. 

“Ikea,” Y/N enthuses. “We’re going to get a lot of stuff, so hopefully it all fits in the SUV.”

“If not, their delivery options aren’t too bad,” Jess eases her mind. “And I’m free most of the time so if it delivers while you’re gone I can be there for you.” 

“Thank you,” Y/N really appreciates it. 

“Okay, I’m ready!” Jack cheers as he comes running back.

They all take the elevator down to the parking lot, they say goodbye to Jess and Aaron helps Jack into the back of the SUV. “Have you been thinking about your new room, bud?” Aaron asks. 

He nods, “Can we do a superhero theme?” 

“Absolutely,” Y/N’s actually excited about that. “Are we thinking Batman and Superman or Iron Man and Captain America?”

“The X-men…” 

“Oh,” she’s surprised by that. “That sounds cool, we can get some Wolverine sheets and some artwork of the beast and Professor X? Maybe even something for Mystique, she’s my favourite.” 

Jack’s smile lights up his whole face, he can’t believe she knows this much about the X-Men, it’s impressive. So much so, that he feels comfortable completely geeking out with her on the drive to Ikea. He talks nonstop about his favourite comics, the characters and their plots, explaining to her just how cool he thinks Jean Grey is and how he can’t wait to see them make a movie about her one day. What Jack doesn’t know is that while they’re talking, Y/N is searching the internet on her phone for some cool posters about the characters he says he loves so his room can be fully decorated to reflect his passions. 

When they arrive, Jack is so full of energy he takes Y/N’s hand and he drags her into the store, raving on about what colours he wants his sheets to be and how happy he is to have a room he can decorate again. 

“I even asked Derek if we can paint the walls and do wallpaper and he said we can do what ever we want in there,” Y/N explains, “we can fully redecorate it together.”

“That’s because it’s not Dereks house anymore,” Aaron throws in, making them both turn to him with shocked expressions. 

“What?” Y/N asks, not knowing anything about this. 

“I bought it… I wanted our family to have a place to grow and be happy altogether and it’s perfect for us, there’s room for Jack to have his own room, the baby has a room and there’s a 4th room for if we ever have more, it’s perfect for us so now it’s ours. The papers are all ready, we just have to sign them on Monday.”

“Oh my god!” Y/N cheers a bit too loudly for being in the store. “Aaron?” 

“When do we move in?” Jack asks, getting right to the important stuff. 

Aaron laughs as he wraps his arm around Y/N and pulls them both into a hug. “You two get along so famously I couldn’t keep us separate anymore.” 

“I love you,” she rushes out. She can’t find any other words that fit the situation, she just loves him and how much he thinks about their family. 

—

With 40 minutes to get to their appointment, they finally check out with more things than they expected to buy. They got night lights, bed sheets, burp cloths, swaddle blankets, stuffed toys, a crib and baby mattress, mattress protectors, room decor and trinkets, shelves, a changing table and even ordered a rocking chair to be delivered sometime next week… they not only found everything for Jack but the baby’s room as well. 

The baby they’re about to know a little bit more about in a few minutes. 

They say hi to Savannah in the ER and then make their way up to the Obstetrics floor. They have a short sit in the waiting room and then they’re ushered into a little room with ultrasound equipment. Jack and Aaron sit side by side in two chairs while Y/N’s on the exam table, her shirt up over her belly and pants unbuckled with a piece of absorbent towel tucked into them to catch the excess jelly. And they wait. 

“Have you ever seen an ultrasound before, Jack?” Y/N asks. 

He shakes his head, “No… does it hurt?” 

She laughs lightly, “No, buddy, it doesn’t hurt. They use sound waves to see through skin and tissue and observe the baby inside the amniotic fluid.”

“Cool!” Jack nods, sitting up in his seat and wiggling excitedly. 

“Knock knock,” Dr. Connors says as she opens the door. “Oh my, we have a full house today.” 

“Jack, this is our doctor, Sam Connors,” Aaron introduces her. “Sam, this is my son, Jack.” 

“Hi,” he waves to her.

“Welcome, welcome,” she smiles at him. “Are you guys ready to know the gender or are we keeping it a secret?” 

“We’re ready,” Y/N’s quick to answer. She’s giddy with excitement. “You can tell us when you know, we’re not doing a party or anything so you don’t have to write it down like some couples ask you to.” 

“Oh, good that makes this easier for me,” Dr. Conners lets out a sigh of relief. “Its so hard not to slip up and say the right pronoun after I see what’s goin’ on.” 

“We’re ready,” Y/N says with an unbreakable smile. “So, so ready.” 

“And I have to remind you that because this is the 12 weeks can the gender can be hard to tell, we can do blood testing to double check but if they’re in the right position I can probably tell,” she adds. 

“That’s okay, I know sometimes people wait 'till 20 weeks but if you can tell now, I want to know now,” Y/N adds. 

Dr. Connors is quick to squeeze some warmed jelly onto her belly, she grabs the wand and starts to search for their ever-growing little one. She mumbles to herself, “There you are,” as the baby pops up on the screen. “I’m just going to go through and take some measurements and mark the important things and then I’ll turn to you, okay?” 

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Y/N nods. 

Holding Aaron's hand as he sits beside her, she squeezes him for reassurance. And he squeezes back 3 times. A silent “I love you” just for them to know about. 

Time tends to stand still in moments like these. The week of waiting blew by, she can’t believe that this time last week she was putting a bunk bed in jacks room, nervous as hell to tell him about the baby and now they’re all in a room waiting to see said baby. Jack's giddy, she’s overjoyed and Aaron… Aaron glows. His eyes gleam, and his smile is small but it packs a punch with all the emotions he’s trying so hard to conceal. he’s the strong stoic type on the outside, but inside he is a proud father, a loving life partner and the most gentle, beautiful, wonderful man she’s ever known in her whole life. 

There was a time when she only looked at him like her boss. Her hot boss, but her superior nonetheless. Somewhere between realizing the team was her new family and getting to know him as a lifeline and not a leader, she fell in love with him. It was seamless, too. The way she fell out of love with Peter and into love with Aaron, her heart ebbed and flowed with the emotions and the hurt wasn’t too bad because she had him… she doesn’t know pain because Aaron hasn’t left her, and my god, she hopes he never does. 

“Okay,” Sam announces, ripping Y/N from her thoughts. She turns the screen to them and flicks through the screenshots she has taken with labels on everything. “Everything looks good, we’re measuring at 3.6 millimetres, which is just point 1 more than the average ‘normal’ length. Their heart and brain are looking good. On your last blood test, all the screenings came back negative and I’m not seeing any abnormalities or defects, either.” 

Jack's now standing beside her on the table, he wants to be as close as possible to see the baby. “It doesn’t look like a baby,” he exclaims. 

“It’s hard to see but here,” Sam flicks back to the live screen and moves the wand so the baby is in a better position. “This is the head, this is their spine, you can see their little arms and legs here… it’s super tiny, about the size of a plum, or a crab apple. You could hold it in just one hand, that’s how tiny a baby is at 12 weeks.” 

“Oh,” Jacks a bit taken aback by that. “how many more weeks are left?” 

“28,” Y/N is quick to reply, she’s been counting down since week 1. 

“Wow,” he breathes out, his shoulders dropping and all the tension leaves his body. “Do you know if it's a girl or a boy yet?” 

Sam nods, “I do… do you want to come over and read the screen for me?” 

He nods and walks over to her on the other side of the table, Sam turns the screen to him and flicks back to one of the screenshots with the gender labelled. “You see right there, what does it say?” 

Jack gasps and tears bubble in his eyes, and for a split second, Y/N’s heart drops. She’s sure he’s about to read that it’s a boy. He wanted a brother. She had it wrong in her mind this whole time… and then he says it. 

“Female… I’m having a sister.” 

Y/N cries out a happy sob, she clutches her eyes shut and covers her face with her free hand. She can’t believe it. She’s going to have a little girl, a tiny mini-me… or maybe a headstrong, confident little girl who mirrors her dad. Either way, she’s beyond happy. 

Aaron rubs her arm, also crying, “Happy tears?” 

At first, all she can do is nod as she calms down. “I can’t believe we were right,” she says through the tears. “Oh my god!” 

“Congrats, guys,” Sam swoons. She’s overjoyed by this reaction, “I’m going to print out a bunch of pictures for you—

“Can I have one?” Jack asks, cutting her off. 

“Of course,” Sam doesn’t mind. She prints out a long strand of photos from every angle, some with descriptions and some without. And she prints out another single sheet of the best photo just for Jack. 

Dr. Connors cleans up her belly, goes over a few more things and they schedule another appointment for 20 weeks. She has Sam’s number if they need to contact her before then, but after that, they’re good to go home. 

Aaron texts Jess the good news while Y/N is readjusting her pants and giving her belly an extra wipe down before she lowers her shirt, the jelly is so sticky after it dries she still doesn’t feel totally clean but it’s the best she can do right now. 

Jess has talked to Mel and she is free tomorrow so they’re going to be able to take lots of early maternity photos and they have enough ultrasound pics to include in the shoot. Y/N's mind is racing the whole way back to the car about what she wants to do, what she’ll wear, where they’ll take them… she’s never gotten this far before. She never thought she would. 

“Hey, Aaron,” she asks quietly in the car. 

“Hm?” He hums, keeping his eyes on the road but one hand comes off the steering wheel to hold hers over the centre console. 

“Would you be okay with me posting some of the photos on my Facebook? I haven’t even told my parents yet and I kinda want to just announce to everyone at the same time…” 

“Yeah, that would be okay with me,” He doesn’t mind at all. 

“Okay good, I know you don’t have an account and Jess and JJ aren’t allowed to post Jack but, I just want to post something about this,” she explains. 

It's actually something she admires about him, the way he keeps Jack safe from the creeps of the world. It's so easy for people to see his name on the news when he does press conferences and google him that he worries someone could find out about Jack and snatch him up as revenge or just because they could… they’ve seen way too much at work to not be helicopter parents. 

“I won’t post her face or anything when she’s born and Penelope helped me with my safety features when I first joined the team, so we’ll be safe… I just always dreamed about posting a bump photo and telling everyone about my baby one day.”

“I trust your judgement, sweetheart,” he says, caressing her hand with his thumb. “She’s not just my baby, you can set boundaries for her too.” 

“I know… sometimes I forget you’re not like him,” she whispers. 

“Like who?” Jack asks, cause of course he was listening in.

“Uh…” she looks to Aaron for some support, she has no idea what’s appropriate to tell him and what isn’t. 

“Remember I told you she had a mean ex-husband?” Aaron asks, looking at Jack through the rearview. 

He nods. “Yeah…”

“His name was Peter and he was a bit of a control freak, he’s like one of those mean kids at school who make you follow all the rules to a game and will stop the game to tell you where you went wrong or kick you out of the group,” she simplifies it for him. 

“The worst,” Jack says and rolls his eyes. “I’m happy you picked my dad instead.” 

“I didn’t really pick him,” she admits, turning back to look at him with a smile. “Falling in love isn’t that simple, it kinda just happens.” 

Jack smiles back. “like fate?” 

She nods, trying not to cry because that’s the most sweetest and perfect way to put it. “Exactly.” 

This is where she was always meant to be. 

—

One thing she forgot to do in the midst of the divorce and moving on, was delete Peter's family from her Facebook friends. She barely uses the site, so of course it slipped her mind until it was too late. 

She posts 1 picture from their maternity shoot, her belly under lace with the sun setting in the background. It’s beautiful. She adores the photo so it’s the one she picked to share, alongside some ultrasound photos, a single pink rose and the caption “baby girl Hotchner coming this September” 

She couldn’t believe she got to this point, sharing that she’s pregnant with her family and friends, having a big belly or this tremendous burst of love that courses through her veins as she reads all the comments of congratulations.  

And then she see’s it. 

Peter's mother commented. 

“I always knew you’d be beautiful pregnant. So happy to hear your dreams are coming true, dear. Congratulations to you and your new family.” 

It’s nicer than she expected. She knew that Peter’s mom was a sweetheart, but she also knew that he was her only baby and she sometimes took that a little too far… she was the type of boy mom that Y/N never wanted to become.

She simply replies, “Thank you so much, Jane<;3”

She doesn’t get a comment back, instead she gets a private message. “I was sad to know you broke up but after hearing why, I’m so, so sorry for what Peter did to you. He never even told me he had the vasectomy. 

I would love to send you some things I made during the first few years of your marriage to my son, I always wanted a grandchild, but now that I know I’ll never have one I’d still love for your baby to have a homemade blanket from me. You’re going to be a wonderful mom.” 

Her heart breaks for Jane. She would’ve been a good grandma, Mimi is actually what she wanted to be called. There were so many conversations they had about names and birth plans and nurseries… and Peter kept his mouth shut during all of them. He broke both of their hearts. 

So she types back, “My friends at work are throwing me a baby shower in August, you’re more than welcome to come.” 

It takes a few hours but Jane finally responds a little after 11. Y/N and Aaron are just about to go to sleep. He’s in the bathroom, she’s in bed on her phone about to set an alarm and turn it off. But she opens the message anyway. 

“You know where to send the invitation. I’ll see what I can do. And don’t worry, I won’t bring Pete. We’re not really speaking at the moment. I’ll always love you as a daughter, Y/N. I’m so glad we’re still able to talk.” 

She never would’ve thought an olive branch would grow out of the hostile ground of her divorce, yet here she is. Reaching out to a woman she was once related to, with things they can now relate to. 

Horrible ex-husbands.

“What are you smiling at over there?” Aaron asks as he comes back into the room, in nothing but his boxers. 

She looks up from her phone and sighs, smile only widening. “Life is so weird sometimes.” 

Aaron makes his way to the bed, he kneels on the end and crawls up to her only to lay on his stomach between her legs and rest his head lightly on her belly. “Weird but beautiful.” 

“Peter’s mom has been messaging me… she’s really happy for us and not talking to her son,” she shares. 

He perks back up, “Really?” 

She nods, “I’m not sure if she knows about the abuse but she knows about the vasectomy and she’s furious. She wants to send me all the blankets and things that she made when we started trying… so I invited her to the baby shower.” 

“Luckily we’ll have a bunch of agents there to escort her if things get dicey…” 

“I don’t think they will,” she says, locking her phone, she places it on her night table and runs her fingers through Aaron's hair. “But if it gives our baby 1 more grandma, I’m willing to hear her out.” 

“You’re a good person,” Aaron compliments. 

“You’re just rubbing off on me.” 

His brows arch. “I mean, I’m not currently.” 

She lightly swats his cheek, “you pig!” 

He just laughs and snuggles back into her belly. “You love it.” 

She just sighs and lays back, still running her fingers through his hair. “I love you.” 

“I love you too… and you three, Jules,” he whispers to her belly and then kisses her bump gently. 

“So we’re set on Juliette, like firmly? It’s happening?” 

He just nods. “Yep, my baby Juliette. Jules, Julie, juju… I will be calling her all of those nicknames.”

She lets out a little giggle. Smiling to herself, he mind wanders to middle names. “I want to ask Jack for help with her middle name, do you think he’d like that?” 

“He’d love to,” Aaron knows that. “Just look at all his other reactions, the boy is obsessed with getting to have a sister.” 

“He’s going to be the best big brother.” 

“You’re going to love him, Julie,” Aaron whispers to her bump. “You’re going to love everyone we know, you’re going to be so loved baby girl. So, so loved.” 

@mrs-ssa-hotch @14buddy22 @spottedzebrasinpartyhats  

General Taglist 

@ncsls0515 @stevesmunsons @reidsbookclub @sweetyyhippyy @manuosorioh @mrs-dr-reid @k-k0129 @squishyturtle @katsukis1wife @babybisexual @marsmunson86 @ssamorganhotchner

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotch hotchner #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotch x you #hotch smut #hotch x reader #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine

[imagination-mess]

White-haired Izuku Midoriya

This is a rambling post of an idea.

This is AU of AFO living a double life and is Izuku’s biological Father. Tenko is his older brother from adoption. This is different from canon. His behavior is different from canon and career path. AFO is hiding in plain sight as a government official.  

In an alternative universe, there exists a white-haired Izuku who isn’t a pro hero but an inventor and a quirk researcher. The white hair comes from receiving a quirk from his father at the age of 20 because Izuku is always looking into what he isn’t supposed to be. He needed to be able to defend himself because Izuku was a man that society shouldn’t make an enemy of. He knows way too much for his own good and has connections on both sides, villains and heroes. 

He could have worked at a top facility to create costumes and support items for heroes but didn’t want to work underneath someone and control what he could or could not do. Most of all he wanted to choose who he wanted to work with. He has a small shop in the city already earning a reputation that he can work with any sort of quirk and will create a costume or support item that will best fit the user. 

Izuku was known as the younger brother of the controversial Pro-Hero Dust when his costume kept getting destroyed over and over again. Everyone knew the destined inventor of Tenko wasn’t putting everything into Tenko’s costume. Most of it was unthreading of his costume and getting ripped apart more often compared to others who have the same designer. So Izuku took it upon his own hands to create an even better one for Tenko at the age of 15. Ever since Tenko and close friends of his older brother were commissioned by him when he opened his own shop and rejected the job offers. He would be booked out for months and was particularly picky with his clients because he doesn’t tolerate bullshit.  

Once he graduated from high school, he went to a university that is famous for its Quirkology major that isn’t as popular because of the complexities. It was a hard major to even understand. He had the thick skin to deal with the knowledge of all and obnoxious professors. He became well-known in that area of the field because his research was published by the university later in his career.

At the age of 24, he was well known within the heroes community, scientist, and researcher field. His shop thrived even when he had the shop closed when he was out doing things related to the scientific side of his career. Izuku’s prices for his service were high because he provides the highest quality to work with for their costumes or support equipment depending on their abilities. 

During this time, he met his future spouse who was hiding in plain sight similar to his father but wanted by the heroes commission. The reason she rejected working with the Heroes Commission when she was younger was because of her abilities. The no to her costs her a lot. Izuku wasn’t oblivious that the hero's commission wasn’t as good as they tried to seem. 

Their first interaction was funny because Izuku was practicing his new abilities and trying to learn new moves deep in the forest. In an attempt to scare him off like everyone else, he came back and camped in the forest because he wanted to know what was causing this phenomenon. Was he scared? Yes at first. He came prepared when he came back with weapons. 

The rest was history. Izuku helped them understand more about their quirk and learn how to control it better. Izuku helped them through his father's connections creating a fake alias to be able to be in public.

Izuku hired him as an employee who became the destined person to collect the information needed from the client of the shop. Izuku has a very specific way of collecting information and using it to determine what would be the best way to fix or update their costume or support equipment. The progress takes about 2-4 hours depending on the client's abilities and issues they are having with their costume. He is very thorough in collecting information. The hours are split a week apart to let the client think about his questions for a bit. He is the best inventor for a reason. 

Later on in the years, when Tenko got engaged. It was a shocker to the family that the older son was even dating in the first place, and Izuku got beat up for his comments when he met Tenko’s fiance. 

“I thought you were going to die alone.” 

“How much money did he pay you? You can tell me.”

To be Continued....

if anyone wants to hear more of this idea, feel free to send an ask or dm.

#izuku x reader #izuku midoriya x reader sfw #izuku x fem!reader #izuku midoriya x reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader #my hero academia x reader #bnha izuku midoriya x reader #villain midoriya x reader #midoriya x reader #midoriya x y/n #izuku x y/n #villain izuku x reader #izuku x you #white haired izuku au #boku no hero academia x reader

[haruharuz]

Planning 6 Months Ahead

I know people are about to scream at me up and down telling me how stupid it is to do. Save your breath darlings, imma do it regardless. This is a LONG process so buckle up.

Areas covered: cleaning, habits, meals, exercise & stretching, studying

Ground Rules:

You can't do this if you dedicate every second of every day to work and it is going to fail quickly if you don't account for being human. And I mean very quickly.

And also you need a transition period BEFORE you go through with this so please remember to account for that when scheduling. Transition period is about 1-3 weeks of building HABITS that you'll be writing later. This helps you succeed.

So here's a few things I'm adding to my plans:

Make-up Day once per week. This allows me to catch up to anything I may have missed that isn't habitual or unhealthy to do so.

Nature Day once per week. Whether it's a walk in the park or going kayaking. Do something small to get out and relax for an hour or two.

No socials for 20-30 minutes per day

2-4 out days per month. With friends, or without. Do something like go out to eat, go to a club etc. Giving myself a budget to each day.

Meal Plan, non obsessively. You want to collect a whole fuck ton of meal ideas, some aesthetically pleasing and some not. Splurge meals and cheap meals. But you need to account for the fact that you won't be able to stick to this completely. This is where easy, extremely low effort meals come in handy.

Find your resources now, not later. You'll get overwhelmed more easily.

You need need need fuck up buffers. Which means ways to catch yourself if you start falling. Low effort days, put away some money for car trouble, etc.

Make this as easy as possible, use apps for yoga if you need, reminder apps, alarm clocks, etc.

Add anything else to the ground rules that will make your life easier and help you personally. These are just examples.

Continuing..

Gather a bunch of meal ideas & inspiration, write them down. You can skip this step if it bothers you.

Write down all of your big, daunting goals. Turn those big, daunting goals into smaller goals.

Write down a list of products you use and an estimated amount of time it takes for you to run out of them.

Write down any self care/personal changes you want to work on, especially habits.

Find resources you need to meet your goals.

Find a cleaning list online, or write one yourself.

For studying, write down a list of all exams/quizzes and their dates

So now you feel a little overwhelmed. You've got a ton of lists full of stuff everywhere and you're looking at me like "oh my god what do I do" but zhhh it's fine it's fine.

Write down the easiest, cheapest meals you can. I'm talking canned soup, ramen, chips and salsa. Stuff that you're going to need to rely on every so often.

Write down the tasks it takes to get to each smaller goal in as much detail as possible. E.g. instead of "read lesson" try "chapter 1 bio textbook". Clear and consice.

If you're adding exercise/stretching to this, find some easy workouts that are ten minutes or less and write them down (like the name of them)

For studying, you can write down all the notes you need to do etc at this step.

Now for the fun (horrible) part ! Get out a calendar. It's time to organize all of this bullshit... And also figure out how to make this shit easier for you.

First things first, anything regarding cleaning, I'm telling you now : prevention works. If you start changing certain bad habits into good habits it gets a whole lot easier.

As for food, think of ways to make your favorite easy foods more satiable if possible. Tortilla chips and salsa your fav? Mix black beans and corn and your salsa to add more protein and nutrients into it. Remember you gotta have these to stick, so you don't feel overwhelmed.

Exercise / Stretching please give yourself at least one rest day per week to just fuckin vibe. It's also easier to do if you do it right after you wake up !

Make life easier for yourself. Find simple resources that work well for you. Use them. You don't have to HATE life to be successful.

Anyways..

The next step is to organize this all. Look through your months and organize those ground rules first.

Start with your out days, that you know won't have anything planned. Write down a basic budget for each.

Write down any major appointments, work meetings, etc.

Now move on to the smaller goals. Separate them however you want. Make a goal date to have them done.

The moment you have those separated you will slowly watch everything come to life. Now all you need to do is take the TASKS it takes to get to those goals, and plug them into weeks/days.

Look at your cleaning list and ask yourself how you can make the list easier to handle. If you have bad habits you'll work on them. The leftover tasks.. separate them into a schedule. If they need to be done weekly pick what days to do them and write them down.

Add in reminders to buy certain products that you know you're going to run out of

Write down any oil changes etc / grocery days / meal planning days

You're pretty much done at this point. It's a long process but now you have your goals properly mapped out and such. Now all you need is to write down what workouts to do on what days and what meal ideas you wanna try on what days. I don't recommend doing that part more than two weeks in advance.

If you want from here you can add all of this to a timeblock schedule.

Remember you are a HUMAN you're going to screw up somewhere along the way so please please place fuck up buffers everywhere.

I hope I explained how I did this to everyone properly. If you have questions just shoot me an ask.

#wwhewwww #motivation #hypergamy #luxury #spoiled heaux #spoiled girlfriend #hypergamous #luxury aesthetic #manifestation #leveledup #levelingup #level up #leveling up mindset #leveled up #leveled up mindset #high value #high value heaux #productivity #study motivation #fitness #food tw #planning #bujo

[cardcaptorsakura96]

Taxes, Taxes, Taxes-Chapter 21

Fandom: Supergirl

Characters: Kara Danvers, Clark Kent, Samantha Arias, Lena Luthor, Lillian Luthor, Ruby Arias, Oliver Queen, John Stewart, Diana Prince, Bruce Wayne, Barry Allen, J'onn J'onnz, Alfred Pennyworth, Lois Lane, Cat Grant, Lucy Lane, Damian Wayne, Felicity Smoak, Streaky the Supercat, Martha Kent, Selina Kyle, Talia Al Ghul, Lucius Fox

Summary: What if superheroes had to pay a property damage tax every time they had a fight in the city?

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20

Bruce rolled his eyes as he listened to the board members arguing in the background over the phone while he talked to his CFO Lucius Fox. They were trying to push a vote on expanding Wayne Enterprise to Canada. Most were for it. They just couldn’t agree on where the corporate headquarters should be. The places being thrown around were Toronto, Quebec City, Halifax, and Vancouver. Bruce honestly didn’t care about where they built, but his board members fought back that it was all about location, location, location. 

Lucius sighed and said, “If it wasn’t for the fact that you pay me handsomely for this bullshit, I would have bailed on these idiots an hour ago.”

Bruce smirked and asked, “So it isn’t the box seat passes that I got you for the Giants’ games for the rest of the season?”

Lucius chuckled and said, “Oh, that definitely took the edge off.” Lucias paused for a moment and said, “What exactly do you want me to do with this stalemate they have about Canada? We tried holding a vote but ended up with equal votes for all the cities.”

Bruce rubbed his head for a moment and said, “Have one of the associates make out a proposal for the mayor of each of those respective cities. We know what we can offer in terms of job opportunities and increasing value to the city. See what the representatives can offer us in terms of tax breaks and things of that nature. Whoever offers us the best benefits is the one we go with.”

Lucius sighed and said, “This is why I wished you were here with us an hour ago. We could have ended the meeting in five minutes with an idea like that.”

Bruce chuckled and said, “I needed to be here for Damian. This is an important milestone for him.”

“Are you sure you are not using this as an excuse to get out of a board meeting? Disneyland was a weird choice, but I have seen you choose stranger places to avoid the Board.”

Bruce rolled his eyes and said, “Damian really did have a field trip for Disney. I wasn’t going to let him go by himself. The PTA already think I am an idiot and absentminded as it is….”

Lucius burst out laughing for a few minutes. 

Bruce narrowed his eyes and asked, “What’s so funny?”

Lucius’ laugh started tapering off and said, “I’m sorry. I just never thought that you of all people would care what other people think. Imagine what your opposition in your second life would think.”

Bruce gave a deadpan stare and said, “Ha, Ha. Very funny.”

Lucius chuckled and said, “You know I’m kidding right?”

Bruce smiled coyly and said, “Sure you are.”

“Anyway, how is Damian taking to Disney? I’m sure it is different to the other eclectic things he has been exposed to in his childhood.”

Bruce sighed while rubbing the back of his head. He knew going to Disney would be a very foreign concept for his youngest, but he didn’t expect him to fight him the whole way. Or maybe it was wishful thinking. It would definitely explain the looks his other three boys gave him when he mentioned their trip. Dick and Jason just bursted out laughing at the suggestion and Tim started to do research into securing Damian an attorney in case he decided to burn the theme park down in vengeance. 

Bruce shook his head and said, “Damian hasn’t taken too kindly being here. He has already pressed the panic button he has twice to try to get Tim to pick him up since he is with the Titans this week in California. When that didn’t work, he tried to ditch me to go back to the main road to hitchhike before I caught up with him.”

“Considering his other antics are you really surprised by this?”

Bruce sighed and said, “My three older boys have already indicated the same thing. I just want him to have people his age to associate with.”

Bruce looked out the corner of his eye and noticed Lena coming back with several Dole Whips.

While looking at her thoughtfully, Bruce said, “Lucius, if there isn’t anything else, I am going to have to call you back after I get back to Gotham on Monday.”

“Okay, hope things go better with Damian this weekend.”

“You and me both,” muttered Bruce under his breath as he hung up the phone. 

He quickly changed his frown to a passive smile as Lena finally walked up to him. 

Lena smiled and said while handing him a Dole Whip, “Damian and Kara wanted some. I got some for you in case you wanted one as well.”

Bruce gave her a blank stare. He knew that Kara trusted her implicitly, but he still had some nagging thoughts about her. 

Lena chuckled nervously and said, “If you don’t want it, that is fine. I can just give it to Kara. She would probably be excited at the prospect of having two more.”

Bruce let out his charming smile which took Lena off guard for a moment. 

Bruce said, “I would actually like to try some. Some of my employees have talked wonders about this so I am curious if it lives up to all the hype.”

Bruce took the cup from Lena. He began to eat. His eyebrow went up in surprise. He knew that this was similar to ice cream but this is the best ice cream that he has had in a while.

Lena smirked and said, “I take it this means that it far exceeded your expectations.”

Bruce chuckled and said, “Definitely.”

They stood in weird silence with one other. Bruce could tell that Lena kept nervously looking around. Probably wish that Kara would come back as quickly as possible. Originally, Bruce thought about keeping silent until his son and Kara came back but then saw it as an opportunity to get to know the girl. Clark hadn’t been too keen on anyone approaching Lena. Several veiled threats were made if anyone did. If asked, he could use this as an innocent run-in, although he can hear it now from Clark accusing him that it was planned. 

He sighed and said, “Kara has said that you run a children’s hospital.”

Lena smiled and let out a sigh of relief and said, “Yes. I believe in the importance of getting children the best healthcare they could as possible no matter what the cost.”

“What caused you to want to focus on children’s health though?”

Lena looked up thoughtfully and said, “My niece Ruby inspired me actually. She was sick. Most doctors thought it was a cold or at most the flu and said with just over-the-counter medicine it would go away. However, she kept getting sicker and nothing was working. We went to doctor after doctor until one actually did their research and found out what was wrong with her and got her the treatment that she needed to get well. I don’t want any family to have to go through that. Being dismissed and thinking that your concerns aren’t valid. I wanted to have doctors look into everything instead of looking at what is most common. That is when I decided to scout for the best of the best in pediatrics and start my own hospital.”

Bruce gave her an insightful look. Many had regarded Lena using her hospital for nefarious purposes, but he has seen that the commercial that Kara and Lena did a couple of weeks back had changed the discourse around it. Now, more patients have been giving reviews and it has been overall positive. It was good to know that Lena created the hospital as a way to inspire change. Bruce was about to comment as such when he heard his phone ring again. He sighed and looked down and saw that Alfred was calling. He looked at Lena sheepishly and mouthed “One moment.”

Read the rest on AO3

#dc comics #dc universe #supergirl #kara danvers #lena luthor #supercorp #kara danvers x lena luthor #clark kent #superman #samantha arias #dc comics fanfiction #dccomics fanfic #supergirl fanfiction #supergirl fanfic #supergirl au #supercorp fanfiction #supercorp fanfic #fanficiton #fanfic #superheroes #lillian luthor #bruce wayne #oliver queen #diana prince #john stewart #barry allen #j'onn j'onzz #lois lane #alfred pennyworth #Ruby Arias

[idk-my-aesthetic]

The frustrating thing about insomnia is for some reason everyone thinks it’s like

10pm: *decides to stay up and do random bullshit all night* *sleeps until noon*

And I will admit! Sometimes that is it. Sometimes it is a choice. I’m human sometimes i make choices that upset or are disagreeable to others

But equally likely it’s literally like:

10pm. Do some stuff while it’s quiet.

Midnight: try to sleep. Unable to sleep. Frustrated. You are literally yawning. Why are you not asleep? Why is it so easy for everyone else? Toss and turn until the frustration drives you out of bed

1 am: Go and do something for a little while.

3 am: try to sleep again. Still no sleep. You desperately change positions a dozen times, knowing it won’t matter but hoping that maybe if you turn your arms at the exact right angle it’ll activate a cheat code that will put you to sleep.

4-5 am: feel the sands of time ticking away. The frustration is coming back, not just because you didn’t sleep but also now you know that you’re either going to sleep all day or be exhausted and unfunctional. So not only did you just waste several hours of your life not sleeping you are now going to lose several more. +20 stress and frustration if you have school or job in the morning.

5:30 am: give up and decide to try and pull an all nighter. Go eat breakfast and take meds.

6 am: do something for like an hour. It’s never productive because your brain is fried from exhaustion.

Rest of the day: struggle to stay awake. If you have a class or job in the morning you can maybe get through it on pure adrenaline but you won’t remember any of it. If you have anything later than 10 am you’re in serious danger of missing it because you suddenly passed out at 8:30 and your max volume alarm was insufficient to awaken you from your exhaustion. Even if you make it through everything you need to do that day At some point you will probably take a nap and wake up just in time to do the whole thing again

*good news, if you have nothing today you’ll sleep great! Bad news, you will be called a lazy bastard by your family, and/or genuinely concern them. You’re not sure which is worse.

All in all you end up only sleeping like. 6 hours max sporadically every 24 hrs, and wasting another 6+ hours trying to sleep, plus more time being unable to do anything because you’re too tired

It’s very frustrating!!! And sometimes you can tell it’s going to be one of Those Nights even though you took the sleepy time gummies so you give up on sleeping after 2 hours of trying instead of 6, but then everyone thinks you’re doing it on purpose

Anyway in unrelated news it’s 1:42 in the morning, i already took melatonin hours ago and I cannot sleep

#im frustrated your honor #insomnia #actually adhd

[winderlylandchime]

And as for today? He woke up and was dead fucking silent. I need you to know that for months now, ive been waking up to him, wide awake at like 7 am, already up listening to music and getting ready for the day in whatever way he can. And today, he woke up at 10 am and didn’t speak a single word at all for like 3 hours. And then while i was eating, he was drinking his coffee and then out of nowhere he went ‘what the actual fuck was that finale?’ And after all i did was replied ‘now you know the bullshit ive been mad at for years’ he went ‘how did people survive this bullshit when it aired?’

Then afterwards he sent a voice memo to our mom and went ‘mom, you have no fucking clue how bad it is. Its really bad. This shit is my 9/11. I need to talk to you’ he also sent a similar voice memo to our dad.

Then he called his best friend and went ‘remember iron man? Yeah, i wanna fucking jump off a building right now. This is..Dude, i feel like I got dumped.’

Then he called our uncle cause he sent my brother a text about the finale. And they talked for quite a bit and he realized that our family knew about the finale and he went ‘AND NONE OF YOU FUCKS THOUGHT TO WARN ME? I know i hate spoilers but im not that bad! (This is where my uncle reminded him that my brother stopped talking to his husband bc he accidentally spoiled who won on drag race once) okay, but that was..okay maybe youre onto something here but still! This shit hurt! I was happy for no wedding and then BOOM! No justin.’

The things he said to me about the finale were a lot and all over the place but these are some of my favorite parts that stood out and i could remember: this was said while he was pacing up and down ‘everyone got their happy ending except Justin and Brian. What the fuck man? This is bullshit! I will start a protest over this’

‘So basically what i got from this fucking show is that: everyone except Brian, Justin and Emmett sucks.’

‘I want to know how many people they pissed off with this finale. Because this is bullshit! I mean not the wedding part, god imagine if they got married….yikes. But seriously why? Did people get angry at the season 4 finale so they decided to do this abomination?’

this next one was said while he was on the phone talking to a nurse who was telling him about tomorrows check up. Btw he was trying to whisper which to me made it funnier cause it sounded like he’s never whispered in his life ‘i just don’t understand cause why would they do th- yeah i’m still here. Okay, okay, yeah, mhm..okay- that like they were finally happy. Together. After all the bullshit! The bashing, the cheating, LA, CANCER, whatever the fuck season 5 was and now gone, ripped apart by one fucking review and a bitch with a bad haircut- yeah, so I give blood first and then? Okay cool- how fucking dare sh- no no im not talking to you, im talking to my sister.. about this sh- actually nevermind, I can’t do this now’

And the last one that i can remember that he said to before he once again went on a silent retreat for the rest of the day was: ‘fuck you. I hate you so much for showing me this show. I was better off not knowing because in my world, they were still together under one roof and not doing this long distance..(i remember that i wanted to say something here idk what) THEY ARE STILL TOGETHER AND NO ONE IS TAKING THAT AWAY FROM ME! This last season was just a suggestion..shit ended with the bike race’

After that, he went back to his room. Then outside to smoke. Then had his 5th coffee. And then he sat on a couch for like 20 minutes just petting Brian. And that was it. He was dead silent for the whole day. Our mom couldnt call him today because of work so he was in an even worse mood. And then he passed out with the cat. So basically the finale completely destroyed him and left him speechless. We barely even talked today because he literally looked like he went through hell and back over and over again. Im honestly wondering how tomorrow will go. Especially since our parents did text me to ask how bad on a scale of 1-iron man is it. And when i replied that i think it might be worse, our dad texted me ‘fuck…that’s uncharted territory. We’re all fucked.’

How did people survive this bullshit? I think this is the time to bring up the existence of fan fiction and gifsets and fanart. That’s how we survive. We create art. Because in the end the writers DID make us care and did make us feel big strong feelings and it inspired us to go create more feelings… and isn’t that the point in the end?

AND NONE OF YOU FUCKS THOUGHT TO WARN ME? You were ALL so careful to avoid spoilers. For science. He would have been really angry if he had been spoiled.

I will start a protest over this. I really did think he would start a petition for a reunion episode. I also thought he would make it happen. He seems like he has great relationships with his friends and you and your family, so I just thought enough people would care and he would be passionate enough and he would be able to accomplish what 20 years of fandom hasn’t been able to.

Shit ended with the bike race. THAT IS LITERALLY WHAT I’M ALWAYS SAYING. END THE SHOW WHEN BRIAN ASKS JUSTIN TO MOVE IN. YOU CAN EVEN LEAVE AMBIGUOUS WHETHER JUSTIN GOES TO LA, it’s unambiguous that they’re partners.

“how bad on a scale of 1-iron man” “fuck…that’s uncharted territory. We’re all fucked.” I love your parents. They are going to kill all of us when they find out we’ve been egging you on. Please tell them that a bunch of internet strangers want to be adopted into your family.

Thank you for this journey Dear Sweet Anon. It has been such a rollercoaster AND also the most hilarious thing to happen. I did not have A Straight Man Watches on my 2023 bingo card. We are a teeny tiny fandom but this has brought the few of us here together in such a fun way.

If you want to send any other updates, my asks are always open. I know everyone will want to hear if your brother ventures into the fandom at all. Or what his reaction is when he finds out how many people knew - beyond the entirety of your wonderful family. I hope his recovery continues to go well (and he sustains no more queer as folk related injuries!). You seem to be an incredible sibling to him even though you broke his damn heart.

#ask winderlylandchime #dear sweet anon #queer as folk #a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023

[today-only-happens-once]

in the dark

title: in the dark

word count: 6102

Summary:  Steve is plagued with nightmares following the Vecna fight, but it's fine. Nobody needs to know about it. They have their own stuff to deal with.

Warnings: angst/hurt/comfort with a happy ending, Season 4 spoilers, nightmares, trauma, anxiety/panic attacks, cursing, self-worth issues, Steve blames himself a lot, Steve has absent and implied emotionally-abusive parents

Read here on AO3

--

Steve wakes up gasping for air.

His vision is still swimming a little, and he knocks over a half-empty glass of water as he fumbles blindly for the switch on the lamp by his bed. 

“Shit,” he mutters under his breath, grateful that nobody is around to hear how shaky the word is. The room is flooded in a warm light and Steve can’t help the way the tightness in his chest relaxes. His room, fully lit. Completely absent of black vines that can (would, did) tighten around his throat. 

Steve runs a trembling hand through his sweat-soaked hair, then down his face. The clock on the dresser across from him tells him that it’s four in the morning. He leaves the light on as he ungracefully flops back on his bed. The sheets beneath him are damp from his sweat, and the blankets are in a jumble on the floor. He must have kicked them off in his sleep. He’d been doing that a lot recently. 

He doesn’t remember the last time he slept through the night. 

Whatever. It’s fine. 

He waits until he cannot feel his heartbeat hammering against his ribcage before he rolls out of bed and starts his day in the kitchen of his empty house. He wasn’t going to be falling back asleep anyway. 

–

“No offense, Steve, but you look like shit.”

Steve is less than 20 minutes into his shift, restocking movies that had recently been returned. Ordinarily, he’d be doing the bare minimum. But he found that restocking gave his hands something to do, and his brain something else to focus on. Robin leans her elbow on the nearest shelf of movies and rests her head in her hand, giving Steve a very pointed once-over. Steve rolls his eyes. 

“Gee, thanks, Robin,” he quips sarcastically. “Good morning to you too.”

“I’m just saying,” she replies, putting her hands up in mock-surrender. Mid-morning sunlight streams in through the windowed front, and Steve is grateful for it. Daylight hours are easier. He doesn’t constantly want to look over his shoulder.

“Look,” Steve says, because he’s known Robin long enough to tell when she’s about to get worried, and that’s the last thing he wants. “I’m fine. Hand me that copy of Aristocats, will you?”

Steve pointedly does not look at Robin as he keeps his hand outstretched towards her. There’s a beat before the movie lands in his hand and he quickly slots it into place. Robin had this way of calling Steve out on his bullshit, and a part of him braces for it. 

“Hey, wait. You had a date last night, didn’t you?” Robin says, and Steve’s gaze flickers over to meet hers. 

“Hm? Oh. Uh, yeah,” Steve says, and it’s not technically a lie. He did have a date last night. He just… didn’t attend it. 

The truth was that he’d entirely forgotten about it. He’d been doing that a lot lately, it would seem. Hawkins had been thrown into chaos ever since Vecna had… well. People had been displaced from homes, had fled in fear and confusion, some people were still missing and maybe always would be. The mundane had begun to feel somehow… wrong. 

The world nearly ended two months ago. Could anyone really blame him if he forgot that he’d foolishly agreed to a date he hadn’t even wanted to go on in the first place? 

He had a feeling Robin would blame him at least a little bit, so he kept that detail to himself. 

“So…?” Robin prompted when Steve didn’t offer any further elaboration. “How’d it go?”

Steve swung into the next aisle over and pretended to straighten up the shelves and re-order the few that had been returned haphazardly by the few people that stopped in these days. Robin, never one to be deterred, followed close at his heels. 

Steve shrugs a shoulder. “It was fine, I guess?” 

“Fine? You guess?” Robin sighs and shakes her head. “What was wrong this time?” 

“Nothing, okay?” Steve replies, irritated. He just wants to be done with the conversation and with the shift. He abandons straightening the shelves and heads back to the front desk. 

“I don’t buy it,” she announces, following him still. “Three months ago you wouldn’t have shut up about getting a date with Stacey Wilkins.” The tone is light, but Steve has spent enough time with her to be able to tell when she’s worried and pretending not to be.

Steve hates that it’s about him this time. Nancy used to say he was oblivious, but he hadn’t missed the way Robin had seemed more reluctant to go places alone in the weeks following the whole Vecna thing. How she’d jumped at loud noises. Robin didn’t smoke, but she had started to carry a lighter anyway. 

She had enough on her plate to worry about. She didn’t need to add Steve “The Hair” Harrington to her list. 

He was fine. Just tired.

“What about you, huh?” Steve says, forcing himself to meet her eyes with a teasing smirk that feels a little bit like lying. “How are things with Vickie?”

Robin flushes red and begins rambling about the mixed signals she’s receiving, and Steve is grateful that she takes the bait and drops it. 

–

“N-no. No, don’t—!”

Steve bolts upright swinging a blind fist. His room is hot and he is dripping sweat and it’s dark. Where is he? 

Steve fumbles blindly and his hand makes contact with something large that tumbles to the floor with the sound of breaking glass. His room is dark and his skin prickles with the memory of sharp teeth and jagged claws. His throat is tight and he swears he can still feel the sharp rope of a bat tail.

His hand flies up to his throat but there’s nothing there so why can’t he breathe? 

He can feel his heart like a jackhammer against his ribs and he wonders if he might be having a heart attack at the ripe old age of 20. He should call someone, right? Do phones work in the Upside Down?

Steve clamors out of bed and his feet make contact with the floor. He stumbles to the door and it’s not until he’s swung it open and it’s ricocheted against the wall that he realizes the floor and walls are absent of black tendrils. It’s dark, but it’s not the Upside Down. 

It’s just dark.

Steve flicks on the hallway light and feels his knees shake. 

He sits down on the floor in the hallway with his head in his hands, half-dressed, until he feels like he can breathe again. 

Then he grabs his car keys and he drives. He takes the usual route: past the Wheelers’ place first, then Sinclair’s. From there, he swings by Henderson’s place, the chief’s, the Byers’. He usually ends by driving past the hospital, where he may sometimes idle in the parking lot before going to pick up Robin to take her to school. 

Driving gives him something to do, anyway. His hands grip the steering wheel like it’s a lifeline, his knuckles turning white for the first few minutes. But usually, by the time the route is done and the sun has risen, the sounds of Dustin screaming Eddie’s name has faded from the ring in his ears to a distant echo in the back of his mind. 

He’s fine. 

-

“He’s playing a gnome, which is pretty cool,” Dustin is telling him a few days later as he sits across from Steve at the diner. There’s a half-eaten cheeseburger and full plate of fries in front of him that Steve has been pretending to eat for the past half hour. 

He doesn’t have much appetite these days. He eyes the plate in front of Dustin. It’s mostly empty. Only the crusts remain of the kid’s grilled cheese, and a puddle of grease where the fries once were. Steve counts it as a win. Dustin hadn’t eaten much in the weeks following the fight with Vecna, and Steve was grateful that the kid’s appetite seemed to be getting better. 

“Though I was telling Will,” Dustin continues after taking a long sip of Coke, “that he should think about human. He said that he wanted to be an elf the next campaign, but Mike is already being a half-elf. Though I guess for balancing encounters, the class distribution is really the more important thing anyway…” 

Steve has completely lost track of the conversation. Dustin had asked him if he wanted to play Dungeons and Dragons with them, and Steve had given a half-hearted decline. He wasn’t sure the whole “sit around the table and play pretend for hours on end” was really his thing, but it was the first time Dustin’s eyes hadn’t looked dulled and hollow in a long time. 

So Steve had asked “what would that like, mean, though?” and just let him talk himself in circles. Dustin had been talking about that game for the past forty-five minutes. It was a huge improvement from the way Dustin had refused to speak for two days following Eddie’s… the whole Vecna thing.

“Earth to Steve? Hello?” Dustin says, waving a hand in front of Steve’s face. 

Steve blinks, then swats the hand away. “What? Sorry.”

“I said Will has been acting weird ever since they got back,” Dustin says with a certain exasperation. Steve looks away when Dustin’s brow furrows and the kid folds his hands in front of him on the table. “And now that I mention it, he’s not the only one.”

“Yeah, well, Jonathan’s always been kinda weird–”

“I was talking about–”

“Eleven? No offense but hasn’t she always been a little, like, weird so–”

“Okay, first of all, just saying ‘no offense’ doesn’t mean what you said wasn’t offensive and second of all, I wasn’t talking about El, either.”

Steve rolls his eyes even as he can feel his shoulders tensing. He glances over his shoulder and gives a quick wave when he makes eye contact with the waitress. “The chief? Well, he did spend like a year in a Russian prison.”

Steve says it quickly but it doesn’t stop the way it makes his stomach roll. He barely lasted an evening with Russian operatives. The idea of an entire year made him want to throw up all over again, loopy drugs be damned. 

Suddenly the lights of the diner are far too bright. The smell of grease far too thick. 

“No, not Hopper–”

“Nancy’s kid brother?”

“I mean you.”

“Me? Don’t be stupid, Henderson.” Steve mutters, digging his wallet out as the waitress promises to return with the check. “I’m fine.”

“Steve, I’m serious—”

“Yeah, so am I.” Steve can feel his heartbeat starting to pound against his ribs and he forces a tight smile. He is careful to avoid Dustin’s eyes. He tosses the cash onto the table and stands up. Dustin scrambles after him.

The early fall air is chilly now that the sun has set, and the coldness helps to steady the slight tremble to Steve’s hands. He shoves them deep into the pockets of his denim jacket. He doesn’t like that it’s dark out here, but at least he can breathe. 

“Steve! Steve, wait.” 

Steve does his best attempt to look mildly annoyed despite just how relieved he feels to be breathing cold air. Dustin’s brow is still furrowed with worry. You’re slipping, Harrington, Steve tells himself harshly. Pull it together. 

“Look, I gotta get you home or your mom is never gonna let me pick you up from AV club again.” 

Dustin stops short and looks at him. Steve doesn’t look back as he climbs into the driver’s seat and waits. There’s only a brief pause before Dustin climbs into the seat beside him. He can feel the kid’s watchful gaze as he pulls out of the parking lot, but his silence is careful. Measured. 

Eventually, Dustin seems to abandon whatever it was he was thinking of saying. He heaves a heavy sigh, and leans his head against the window. Only then does Steve risk a glance towards the kid, but Dustin isn’t looking back. He’s got his eyes trained on the passing streetlights through the windshield. 

The radio plays several songs, and by the time “Africa” by Toto comes on, Steve has nearly forgotten that Dustin is in the car beside him. Then, he speaks. 

“Sometimes I dream about what happened, you know.” 

Steve glances at him quickly. “Right,” he says, because he can’t say he’s surprised, exactly. He’s the one who first reached Dustin, still clutching Eddie’s body, in the Upside Down when they were on their way back. There was a kind of shrapnel in Dustin’s sobs as the kid had buried his face in Steve’s chest and screamed.

“I usually wake up crying,” Dustin continues quietly. “It’s weird, y’know? Because other times, I dream that everything is fine. And then I wake up, and remember that Eddie…” he stops, takes in a shivering breath, and then releases it slowly. “Anyway. Mom thinks it’s about the earthquake, so her words of comfort don’t really… work.” 

Steve knows that he should say something. That’s his job, right? To protect these kids because lord knows that they’ve been through more than they ought to have at their age. Especially, perhaps, the ordinary kids. Dustin, Lucas, Will, Mike, Max… 

Max. Bang up job he’d done on that front. Steve mostly tried not to think about it, except for his daily visit to the hospital parking lot in the morning when he couldn’t sleep. 

Steve could deal with the nightmares and the sleeplessness. It had been months. A part of him was used to it, or at least had come to expect it. Dustin was the least of them that deserved such things. 

But comfort and reassurance had never been something Steve was good at. He finds himself reaching for words that aren’t there. Maybe there’s nothing to say, but he can’t shake the feeling that he has to try. 

“It’ll take time,” he says, and he hates the way the words sound like just another empty platitude. “But Eddie would want you to keep trying, y’know? Just… one foot in front of the other…” 

“Yeah,” Dustin says quietly. “Yeah, no. I know. It’s like Frodo with the One Ring.” 

“Uh… yeah,” Steve says, because the name Frodo rings a vague bell, and he’s pretty sure it’s a reference he’s supposed to understand. “Right. Like… yeah.”

He pulls into Dustin’s driveway and puts the car in park. Dustin reaches into the backseat for his backpack and—much to Steve’s surprise—unzips it. 

“The thing, though, about Frodo and the One Ring, is that he still had the Fellowship.” 

Dustin is saying this like it’s supposed to mean something to him, and Steve finds himself nodding even though he’s not sure he understands. Dustin pulls out a large walkie talkie radio and shoves it unceremoniously into Steve’s hands. 

“What—uh. Thanks?”

“Y’know. Just in case. I pretty much always have mine within arm’s reach.”

Before Steve can think of a response, Dustin has slammed the car door shut and disappeared through his front door. 

–

Steve wakes up thrashing. He hits the ground hard.

He can’t drag enough air fast enough into his lungs and he’s slick—with blood?—and his mouth tastes like metal and he can’t see. Something has him by the legs and Steve kicks wildly. It’s not until he’s free of the blanket that had tangled itself around his ankles that he realizes it’s not a demobat and the ground beneath him is fuzzy. Carpet. 

Fuck. You gotta breathe, Harrington, he tells himself. He pulls air in and he can feel his heartbeat in the center of his throat. It makes the air catch and he wheezes a bit. It sounds inhuman. 

Blindly, Steve reaches up towards the nightstand by his bed. He needs light. The shadows of his room are too dark and too long. Instead, his hand closes around something rectangular. What the… he thinks, pulling it off the table as he rolls with a grunt off his back. 

It’s the radio Dustin gave him almost a week ago. Steve grips it like a lifeline as his other hand reaches up and switches the lamp on. 

His hands are shaking again and he curls the one not gripping the radio into a fist that he pushes into the floor. He sits up then, with his back against the side of his bed and stares at his closed bedroom door like he half-expects it to open and a swarm of bats to flood into the room. His eyes flit to the bat he had started keeping by the foot of his bed. 

Don’t be stupid, he tells himself. But the weight of the radio is oddly comforting, and Steve’s fingers twitch involuntarily towards the button. He could use the radio, if he wanted to. Dustin had told him it was “just in case”. 

Steve sets the radio aside. He’s fine. 

He glances down at his bare chest and grimaces a bit at the way he’s drenched in sweat. He supposes, though, that it’s better than the blood he’d thought he was covered in when he woke up. He runs a hand through his hair and down his neck. His fingers linger on the scar tissue. 

His other hand twitches towards the radio without his permission. 

“Shit,” he says aloud to an empty house. 

Then, as if in response, the radio kicks in with static and Steve jumps. Dustin’s voice is distorted and panicky. 

“Hello? Is anyone on?” 

Steve snatches the radio without a second thought. “Yeah, kid. What’s up?” 

“Ed…Steve? Wh–I don’t…” 

Steve takes in a deep breath against the twist in his chest and looks up at the ceiling as he answers. “Yeah. Henderson, you gotta breathe, okay?” 

There’s no immediate response, and Steve crosses his fingers that it’s because Dustin is trying to calm his breathing. He keeps his gaze on the clock on his bedside table. A minute passes, then: “Steve, Eddie… he’s… he’s gone.” 

Steve feels a pit sink in his stomach. He clears his throat before he responds. “Yeah,” he says softly into the radio. “Yeah, I know.” 

“Fuck,” Dustin says, and even through the static on the radio, Steve can hear the way his voice breaks. “Fuck, this sucks. I don’t… does it get easier, Steve?” 

I don’t know, he thinks, and a part of him feels like he’s drowning. He wants to tell Dustin yes, because it has to, doesn’t it? It’s hard to imagine how this gets any harder, and he’ll be damned if he isn’t willing to do just about anything to make the weight of these kids’ grief and fear a little bit easier to carry for them. 

“Hey, you’re okay, kid,” Steve tells him, and he knows it’s not an answer to Dustin’s question, but it’s the best he thinks he can do right now. “You’re doing great. It’s… y’know. Some nights are allowed to be harder than others, right?” 

“Yeah. Yeah, maybe you’re right. I slept through the night last night.”

Steve breathes a sigh. “That’s a good thing.” 

“I just… I miss him. And I miss Max.” 

“Yeah... Me too.” 

—

Days passed and blurred together. Steve, for the most part, stopped sleeping all together. When exhaustion caught up with him, he could usually squeeze in an hour or two before he’d wake up thrashing or screaming. He picked up more hours at the video store, telling Robin that so many people leaving Hawkins had left them short staffed and he was the only one of them not still in school. 

He kept the lights on these days, even when sleeping, but it did little to help. So Steve dealt with it. So he was running on less sleep than he had before the whole… Vecna thing. So what? 

He was fine. He’s just. So. Tired. 

“Steve?” 

At the sound of Robin saying his name, Steve blinks quickly. He’s standing in the hospital outside of Max’s room. Nancy has a cup of coffee in her outstretched hand, Robin just behind her shoulder. 

“Right. Thanks.” Steve’s lips quirk in something that might have once been a smile. Even his face muscles ache from exhaustion. He takes the cup. 

“You… looked like you could use it,” Nancy says, not unkindly. “No offense.”

Steve either doesn’t have the heart or the energy to disagree. He sees down the hall as the Byers’ make their appearance alongside Eleven and Hopper. Nancy crosses to talk to Jonathan as Will and Eleven brush past himself and Robin to join Lucas in the room. Steve follows them, if only because he can tell Robin is about to ask him a question he doesn’t feel like answering right now. 

Steve watches from the corner of the room between sips of stale hot coffee as Lucas and Will explain to Max all the details of their Dungeons and Dragons game. He doesn’t have the heart to remind them that Max usually had seemed like she couldn’t care less about it. Eleven, he realizes after a moment, is standing in the opposite corner. As far from Max as she can get from the bed while still being in the room.

When she meets Steve’s eyes, Steve makes a face and lifts a shoulder. I have no idea what they’re talking about. It has the effect he’d been hoping for: the corner of her mouth quirks in a very, very faint smile. It’s something. He’ll take that. 

He leans his shoulder against the wall and takes another sip. A month ago he might have grimaced at the bitter acridity of black coffee, but these days it was the only thing that kept him upright. He drank it without complaint. 

His eyes flit around the room, careful to avoid lingering too long on Max’s pale form in the hospital bed. He thought about the letter she had written to him, still sitting in a sealed envelope in the drawer of his nightstand. He’s not sure if any of the others read their letters, but Steve couldn’t help but feel that breaking the seal was admitting that she was gone. 

But Max is still and pale and unmoving. Steve didn’t know all the details about the shit hand life had dealt her, even before she’d set foot in Hawkins, but he knew something about shitty family. He’d since done his best to keep her safe. 

Look where that’d gotten her. 

Before he’s even fully aware, Steve drops the coffee cup in the trash can by the door and is walking down the hallway. 

“Steve?” Someone asks, but he doesn’t know who. The lights are too bright and the air smells like antiseptic and he just needs a second—

“Steve.”

“I’m fine,” he says reflexively. 

There’s an incredulous scoff that Steve instantly recognizes as belonging to Nancy. “Forgive me if I don’t believe you.” Footsteps—more than one pair—are following after him. Steve doesn’t stop, his gaze zeroed in on the elevator. 

“You’re forgiven,” he snaps. 

“Steve,” Nancy says, grabbing his arm and pulling him to a stop. “When was the last time you slept?”

Steve whirls on her, jerking from her grip. “Don’t worry about it, okay? I’m fine.”

“No offense, dude,” Jonathan says, suddenly on the other side of Steve, shoving his hands into his front pockets, “but you don’t really seem all that fine.” His brows are pulled together in concern.

Steve rolls his eyes. “Well, I am, okay? So you can just lay the fuck off.”

“Hey, take it easy,” Robin says, stepping up beside Nancy. “We’re just worried about you.”

Steve takes a step back. He really didn’t need this right now—being cornered by his friends and interrogated about how much goddamn sleep he gets. The lights of the hospital are bright and Max is pale and unresponsive and she died and he didn’t stop it and everything–everything–is his fault. 

He clenches his jaw. “It’s not your job to worry about me.”

Robin is shaking her head. “Would you just listen–”

“No, you listen to me. I’m fine. You know who’s not fine?” Steve throws a hand in the direction of the hospital room. “Max. Dustin. Any one of those kids.”

Nancy shakes her head. “That’s not your fault—” 

“Isn’t it?!” Steve grabs fistfuls of his own hair and tugs before his hands fall helplessly to his sides. They didn’t get it. “I’m always the fucking babysitter. I’m the one that’s supposed to keep them safe from all the fucked up shit Hawkins has to deal out. And I didn’t. It’s as simple as that. I failed. Is that what you wanna hear?”

“Steve—”

“I failed, like I always do. And every fucking night, when I close my eyes, if I’m not being strangled by bats and vines then I’m always too late. I’m always goddamn too late!” 

The truth has been dragged from his lungs and the words burn his throat as they tear free. The edges of his vision are blurring and he looks up at the fluorescent lights in the ceiling. He’s not going to fucking cry. He doesn’t deserve it. 

“Steve…” Robin tries to take a step towards him but Steve steps back. His back hits a wall. 

“Don’t,” he says to her, his voice strained, and Robin freezes. Steve looks back at Nancy. 

Like always, he cannot read her expression. 

“So no,” he continues, and his voice sounds like it’s been rubbed with sandpaper, “I haven’t been sleeping. But it’s just desserts, anyway. And being awake sure is a hell of a lot better than watching one of them die in my dreams. I can’t–” Steve’s voice breaks off as his gaze falls past Nancy’s shoulder and he sees the kids, the very ones he’d just admitted to failing, standing outside of Max’s room and staring at him, wide-eyed. 

“I can’t,” Steve finishes desperately. He shoves past Jonathan and bolts for the stairs.

—

A few hours later, Steve is eating a bowl of cereal in the kitchen of the empty house.

He hasn’t seen his parents since… before. He thinks they probably evacuated after it all. A note might have been nice, but Steve is far past the point of bitterness when it comes to his parents. If they left without him, well. They had never been around much anyway, unless they were there to yell at him.

The house is large and empty. Every light is on, and while he knows it’s driving up the electricity bill, he cannot bring himself to care. 

Steve hears the walkie-talkie radio crackle upstairs and he sets the bowl down and takes the stairs two at a time. He hears Dustin’s voice crackling through. 

“Steve? Steve, are you there? Over.” 

Steve snatches it without hesitation. He is too exhausted to pick up on the fact that Dustin does not sound nearly as distressed as he had the last time he came over the radio. “Whatcha need, kid?”

“Look outside, dumbass. Over.” 

Steve’s brows scrunch together as he turns towards his window in confusion. He drops the radio on his unmade bed. “Look outside…?” he trails off as he steps towards the window and peers through the blinds.

The sun has set, but he sees Dustin illuminated by the headlights of a familiar wood-paneled station wagon. The passenger side door opens and Steve sees Robin poke her head up and call something unintelligible to Dustin in the driveway. 

Steve is walking through his front door less than a minute later. “Henderson? What are you doing here?”

Dustin grins at him, but it’s Robin that answers. “We’re kidnapping you.”

“Kidnapping me?”

“Yep!” Dustin responds cheerfully, and starts shoving Steve towards the car. “Get in.” 

Perhaps, had he not been as exhausted as he was, Steve might’ve put up something of a protest or fight. Or perhaps he was admittedly relieved to see Robin didn’t resent him for the things he’d snapped at her in the hospital. Evidently, neither did Nancy and Joanthan, the former of whom was driving and the latter was in the backseat. Steve begins to wonder if perhaps Dustin hadn’t heard much about what he’d said at the hospital. It was the only explanation Steve could think of to explain why Dustin was even still talking to him. 

 As it was, Steve allowed himself to be sandwiched between Jonathan and Dustin in the backseat in a somewhat confused haze. 

They’re maybe a minute into the drive when Steve speaks. “Uh, where are you taking me, exactly?” 

Jonathan clears his throat. “My place, actually.” 

Steve’s brows furrow. “Your place?”

“Just…. Go with it, Steve,” Nancy tells him, oddly gentle, glancing at him through the rearview mirror. She offers him a soft smile, then turns her gaze back to the road. 

Steve sits in the quiet, shoulder-to-shoulder between the other two. He isn’t sure if he should say something. The only sound, really, is the music drifting through the speakers. It’s so quiet he can’t quite make out what is playing. 

Steve wonders if he should apologize for earlier, but he’s not sure that he’s sorry.

Everything he said was true. Keeping others safe is his job, and it’s something he’d come to realize he was actually pretty okay at. He couldn’t keep the threats from coming, but he could put himself between them and everyone else and swing a bat fucking hard as shit. And that had meant something. Protecting others—those kids, his friends—it was something he could do. Something that made him feel useful. Helpful. Worthy. 

But he should have known better. Max had died and Eddie had died and how the others didn’t seem to resent Steve for it…. Steve wasn’t sure he’d ever know. Because he’d failed. He was a failure. Steve Harrington is exhausted in a way that he feels in his bones, but he can’t help but think that his father had been right about him all along… and that maybe it was only a matter of time before everyone else realized it too. 

He was sure they’d realize it sooner rather than later anyway. If they weren’t going to piece it together themselves, Steve had all but told them as much at the hospital.

“We’re here,” Jonathan announces, and Steve blinks quickly and shakes his head. Did he zone out? 

He’d been doing that a lot recently too. Maybe it was the exhaustion. 

“What are we doing here, again?” Steve asks as he slides out of the backseat after Dustin. He puts his hands on his hips and looks at the house.

The living room lights are on, and briefly, Steve remembers another time when he was standing in this driveway, watching the lights of the living room. Except then, they’d been flashing like crazy, and Steve was about to have his life turn upside down. No pun intended. 

“C’mon,” Robin says, slinging an arm around his shoulders.  “Inside we go, Harrington.” 

Steve thinks about protesting. But he catches the grin that Dustin is trying and failing to hide as the kid steps up beside him, and something in him caves. He looks at the house again, takes a deep breath, and lets Robin tug him forward. 

When he gets in, he’s only more confused. Eleven and Will are sitting on the couch, laughing at something. Lucas is sitting on the floor and Mike is leaning against the arm of the couch near El. 

They all look up when they enter, and there’s a bright chorus of “Steve!” and “Hey!” and they’re smiling like they’re glad he’s there, and Steve can’t make sense of it. Because they heard him at the hospital–they must have–but they don’t seem like they hate him or resent him and something about it all isn’t adding up in Steve’s mind.

He blinks at them. “Uh—”

“Here.” Steve feels something warm pressed into his hands. He looks down. A bowl of chicken noodle soup? Homemade, by the looks of it. He looks up and sees Mrs. Byers smiling kindly at him. “Eat up.”

Steve can’t remember the last time he had a hot meal that wasn’t from a diner or restaurant. He immediately shovels a spoonful of soup into his mouth. There’s a soft, sympathetic look in Joyce’s eyes. He nods his thanks, offering a weak smile, and quickly averts his gaze. Her eyes had been kind and gentle and nothing at all like Steve’s own mother. 

It’s not a thought he wants to linger on. 

“Oh, that looks awesome, Mrs. Byers,” Robin says, and it breaks the uncomfortable tension that had started to wrap its way around Steve’s lungs. She ducks into the kitchen and chats amicably about the soup ingredients while Joyce fetches more bowls. 

Nancy and Jonathan have sunk themselves into the loveseat. Dustin is sitting on the floor facing Lucas with his back against the couch. He digs a walkie-talkie out of his backpack and sets it beside him on the floor. 

“I left one in Max’s room,” he’s saying, and he’s wrapping tape around the button on it.. “So it’s kind of like she’s here too, in a way. She can hear us, at least.” 

Robin knocks his shoulder as he brushes past him and crosses into the living room with a bowl of soup in her hands. She sits on the floor beneath Eleven. The only space left, really, is on the floor between Dustin and Robin, so Steve wedges himself between them. 

He feels both of them lean into his shoulders just a little—just enough that, even if he closed his eyes, he’d have to be aware of them right beside him—and Steve finds the knot in his chest slacken just a bit. He’s aware that everybody is talking about something, but he doesn’t have it in him right now to follow the line of conversation. He stares, instead, into his bowl of soup. 

He thinks it’s the best soup he’s ever had in his entire fucking life. 

Before too long, he’s staring at the bottom of an empty bowl, and Robin lifts it from his hands to set it on the coffee table. Steve mumbles a quiet “thanks”, but Robin is already craning her neck back to say something teasing to Will, and it makes the whole room erupt in laughter. It’s a nice sound.

The knot relaxes a little bit more. Steve’s eyelids feel heavy, and he shifts down a bit so his head can rest on the couch cushions. He doesn’t think he’s going to actually fall asleep, given how hard sleep has been to come by these days, but there’s nothing wrong with stretching out a bit, is there?

Apparently, everyone else has a similar thought. Dustin somehow pushes his way under Steve’s arm and Robin leans her head on Steve’s shoulder. A minute or two later, Steve feels a weight on his shins and opens his eyes (when did he close them?) to see Lucas is using him to prop up his pillow. Eleven, evidently, thinks it’s a great idea as she does the same thing with Steve’s knees, stretching out in the opposite direction. Will unceremoniously occupies the full couch, his elbow just barely grazing the top of Steve’s head. 

Steve is aware that he is, essentially, a makeshift pillow for nearly every person in the room, but it’s nice. The warmth and the weight feels grounding instead of constricting. Steve’s breathing feels… easier, now. Easier than it has in months. 

“Dustin,” someone says, and Steve thinks maybe it’s Will, though he’s not sure because his eyes are closed and Steve—for once—doesn’t want to open them. “Did you bring it?” 

He hears some rustling and Dustin moves to reach for something. His backpack. Steve does crack an eye open then. Dustin pulls out a book.

Steve snorts. “Nerd,” he says goodnaturedly. 

Dustin elbows him. “Shut up and listen, okay? I just… think it might help. You might even like it. So don’t be an asshole.”

“Mm,” Steve hums. He doesn’t know why Dustin thinks reading a book to him will be helpful, but the moment he starts to read, Steve can feel the last lingering bits of tension unraveling in his chest. 

“When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton…”

Steve is asleep before Dustin finishes the first page. It’s the best sleep of his life. 

#stranger things #steve harrington #stranger things fanfiction #steve harrington angst #steve harrington fanfiction #trauma #nightmares #stranger things season 4 spoilers #st spoilers #cursing

[dhaaruni]

Some pretty rough poll numbers for Biden just came out today. I know it's way too early to worry about Trump winning in 2024, but I just wanted to see where you are right now in your level of concern.

Also, the map below seems like a pretty easy path for Biden, no? We know that Arizona and Georgia are trending blue, so I feel like in a Biden-Trump rematch specifically, Biden just has to win those two states again, plus Nevada and Michigan (not that hard, and definitely easier than winning PA or WI). Any thoughts on this path?

Hi!

My two cents on that ABC/WaPo poll is that of course all presidential elections will be close because of Republicans' advantage in the electoral college, but this is one poll where Biden's approval is markedly lower than in all other polls, and also, if you look at the sample size, it's like 20% Democrats, which is really not representative of the country. I'd just throw it in the averages and move on since it's also like 18 months before the 2024 election and a lot of things can change in that time.

Getting down into the nitty gritty, I think Georgia is the bigger issue for Democrats than Wisconsin or Pennsylvania because Brian Kemp won by 8 in 2022, and even Mandela Barnes in Wisconsin only lost by 1 while Governor Evers won another term. I also think Pennsylvania will be fine because Josh Shapiro and John Fetterman won in relative landslides in 2022.

At the end of the day, I think Biden wins his 2020 states with North Carolina and Texas as light red tossups (with Trump and Cruz on the ballot, Texas will be closer than 2020 although Trump will still likely win it by 2, which may be enough to knock off Cruz if we're lucky since he'll almost certainly underrun Trump), and if Biden is winning North Carolina, he's won the presidency. Post-2020, what worries me is that the election won't be called the night of, which means there's additional chances for Trump to yell about election fraud but then again, election deniers faced a real penalty in 2022 so here's hoping that it's not as crazy as 2020.

The thing is, we all knew by like mid-morning November 4, 2020, after Wisconsin was called at like 2am and Michigan was called hours later that Biden had won the presidency, and it really was bullshit that the Republican legislature of Pennsylvania refused to count the votes (although I think there's a law against counting mail-in ballots as they come in which is another issue) and Nevada refused to call it for Biden until Pennsylvania did. That's part of why Florida gets called immediately, like they have the best ballot counting operation in the country.

I'd say a good litmus test for 2024 is how Florida and North Carolina go, like if Biden wins North Carolina and keeps Florida within 5, he's won the presidency so rest easy, but if they're called extremely quickly for Trump, and especially if Duval County aka Jacksonville, which flipped to Biden in 2020 flips to Republicans in 2024, start worrying.

Also, nobody wants to admit this but Ron DeSantis will absolutely clean up the Sunbelt; I flat-out don't see Arizona or Georgia as blue states, I see them as anti-Trump states! Brian Kemp won, and Maricopa County suburbanites literally intentionally split their tickets so that Kimberly Yee, the only normal Republican, won by 20 even while Mark Kelly and Katie Hobbs also won. They WANT to vote for Republicans, they just don't want to vote for crazy freaks who give off school shooter vibes, and while DeSantis probably won't play well in the Midwest, I see him handily winning the Sunbelt. All polling has him winning Georgia by 5!

But anyways, does that offer some insight?

#politics #answered #zuko-is-crazy

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

I was tagged by @onmywaytonarnia so here's some stuff about me

Nickname: Florida Man or just Florida (god help me, I hate it down here...)

Sign: PEDESTRIAN X-ING, REST AREA - 3 MILES, or perhaps SPEEDING FINES DOUBLED WHEN WORKERS PRESENT (I do not believe in astrology)

Height: 6'1" or 6'2"

Last thing I googled: Perseverance rover

Song stuck in my head: for some reason I have a mashup of Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls and Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson stuck in my head. I don't know if I actually heard a mashup somewhere, or if they were both part of that 4-chords song by Axis of Awesome, but I can't stop thinking of the two choruses layered on top of each other (🎶and I don't want the world to see me cause I don't think that they'd understand/🎶I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly🎶)

Follower count: officially 3222, but I noticed when I was just starting out that tumblr inflated the actual count by like 20, 30, 40%. When it said I had 100 followers, I counted, and I actually had 85. When it said I had 1000, I only had like 700. I stopped counting after that, so I have no clue how many I actually have right now. Probably more than 1000, but probably not more than 2000. I have maybe 100 followers who regularly interact with my stuff, about 30 of whom are mutuals (maybe 10 or 15 close friends).

Amount of aleep: AHAHAHAHAHAHA (5, maybe 6 hours on a good night? Sometimes none, just endless tossing and turning because my brain won't shut off)

Lucky number: 13, and I'm not being ironic about that. I'm serious. 13 is my favorite number of a variety if personal reasons

Dream job: I want to be part of a creative team, I want to work with a bunch of people to make something for people to see! I want to make art, and I want to collaborate so I'm not alone. Writing scripts or making props or dressing sets, some manner of production design. I want to craft!

Wearing: Goodfellow t-shirt and cargo shorts

Movie/book that summarizes me: Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir feels like it was written for me personally. That is how my thought process works, that is how I deal with problems, that is who I want to be. I have a higher than average understanding of math and science but I always try to explain it in as simple terms as possible for people who find it all too daunting. This is the kind of book I want to write, sci-fi that explains the sci.

Favorite songs: Ramblin Man, the Gambler, Country Roads, the Devil Went Down to Georgia (I'm noticing a country pattern...), anything by Weird Al Yankovic (Hardware Store and Albuquerque are probably my top 2 of his),the Little Shop of Horrors movie soundtrack, White Squall and Northwest Passage by Stan Rogers (I went through a sea shanty phase when Wellerman was big), anything by Jonathan Coulton (Skullcrusher Mountain, Code Monkey, Blue Sunny Day, Big Wide World One, Shop Vac, Mandelbrot Set, to name a few), Climb Out Your Window, Addicted, and Here We Go by Walk off the Earth, and the Celtic Woman cover of Danny Boy (this is my go-to cry song; if I need a nice long cry, I put this on and it all comes flowing out of me)

Favorite instrument: I love brass, trumpet specifically, I could listen to Louis Armstrong all day

Aesthetic: analog technology, typewriters, instant photography, clockwork watches without quartz, sacrificing convenience for the sake of privacy, nostalgia for the early 2000s (but through the eyes of a child, so no George W. Bullshit)

Favorite author: per capita, Andy Weir. He's only written 3 books, but I love them all and want to emulate him. Max Brooks for World War Z. Cormac McCarthy for The Road (very depressing, but hopeful near the end; one of the only books to really tug at my heartstrings). John Steinbeck for Of Mice and Men (another heartstring tugger). Audrey Niffenegger for The Time Traveler's Wife.

Currently reading: Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman

Favorite colors: cyan, lime green, heliotrope purple

Favorite animal sounds: the scuttling of crabs on pavement, the sneef-snorfing of a curious dog, the bleat of a baby goat, the EHHH of a baby sloth, the MEHH of a baby deer, the chirping of bats, ethereal whale songs

Last song: either I'm Going to go Back There Someday from the Muppet Movie, or Hey I Don't Work Here by Tom Cardy

Last Series: Owl House (Lulu + Hootcifer 4ever!!! Oh yeah and lumity's pretty good too I guess)

Random: I once learned all the lyrics to Bobby Darin's Mack the Knife without ever actually listening to the lyrics of Mack the Knife. Like, I listened to the song all the time, but I never paid attention to what was being said. It was just gibberish to me, but I learned the gibberish, and I sang along to it in the car one day and my mom asked why I was so enthusiastic about murder. Turns out Mack the Knife is about an old londontown ripper named Macheath. Still a banger though.

@goldenmoldies @olivia-online @nsomniacsdream @schifty-al @richardjager @n-brio @orange-birdie

#tagged #tag game

[heyitssashag]

It was my Mom’s birthday, today. So lucky to have her as my Mom; she’s a pretty amazing Mother and human being. Kind, compassionate, hardworking, generous and my role model. ❤️ I think she had a nice birthday. Unfortunately, my step-Dad and I got her the same gift so I’ll be returning mine and getting her something else. 🤣 Great minds think alike, I guess.

I had my first day of online training with the Master Trainer program for Self Management. I had a headache by the end. Three hours on Zoom feels so long now. I lived on Zoom over the pandemic. Now, I’ve been avoiding it like the plague. So when I have to go on longer than an hour, it feels like a lot. I’ve got 2 more weeks to go.

My jaw pain hasn’t been as bad since I’ve stopped wearing the night guard. Unfortunately, it’s not so great on my teeth. I know I’m clenching and grinding the shit out of them when I’m sleeping. So, I may have to get a new one. I don’t think this one has ever fit me properly and it’s screwing with my TMJ which is incredibly frustrating and pisses me off. Total waste of money and I can’t go back to the original dentist who made it for me because they’re too far and it’s been over a year. So angry. I’ve got another dentist appointment next week so I’ll be asking for a quote on that.

I’m getting slightly annoyed with Tumblr ads. They’re getting super aggressive with stacking 3 or 4, one after another. How dare they slightly inconvenience me while I use their free service.😜 I was considering paying to go ad-free but I already got sucked into their Twitter joke and paid $10 for the damn double checkmarks. (Looking forward to crabs 🦀 🦀 one day. 😂)

A friend of mine texted me today for tips on the easiest way of getting an autism assessment for their child who is 17. It was recommended by their school counsellor. I wasn’t quite sure what they meant so I asked for clarification. This is what they wrote:

The easiest fastest way to get an assessment without having to waste time with pointless bureaucracy bullshit that you may have noticed were a waste of time.

I told them to pay for one. They’re around $3500.

Unfortunately, the entire autism assessment process is bureaucratic. It’s also very unfair and exhausting. If the child is displaying very obvious symptoms/delays/behaviour then it may be easier or quicker (but I can’t attest to this). If the child has symptoms but are not “typical” to what is seen on the spectrum, it can take a lot more time. Average wait is pushing two years. When the child is nearing adulthood, it’s a waste of time to pursue it because they’ll age-out before they get one. In this situation, (for my friend), I recommended requesting a psych-ed assessment from the school as an alternative if they’re looking for insight into supports going into college (or high school upgrading). I also highly recommend checking out the Autism BC website which is a great resource. My friend didn’t message back so I suspect they didn’t like my answer. lol. Unfortunately, there’s no easy way to get one without jumping through hoops unless you’ve got a fist full of cash. It sucks, but it is what it is. Looking back, I really wished I’d just found a way to pay for it. It would’ve saved me a lot of stress. In turn, my kid could have gotten supports a lot sooner and I would’ve been able to focus my attention on other important things. Anyway, hindsight is always 20/20.

The kid and I went for a short walk before sunset.

My parents ordered in Chinese food and got a cake. I also watched a few more episodes of “That 90’s Show” on Netflix. Gotta say… it’s terrible. Red and Kitty are awesome but the rest of them stink. No chemistry within the cast, whatsoever. The writing is horrendous. I keep watching it because I need something else mindless to glue myself to before bed (that’s not Friends. 😂) At this point, I’d be very surprised if there’s going to be a second season. Very disappointed but whatever. I guess it’s a little fun to see the old characters doing cameos. I need another mindless show to binge watch when I’m done this one.

Next month I get to make the book choices for the club to read. I usually give 3 or 4 options. This time I’m only giving 2 because it never fails, they always pick the one that I’m the least interested in. 🙄

Both are Canadian writers. I’ve already read the Matthew Perry one which was pretty good. Alias Grace is on my “to read” list so I don’t mind at all if they choose that one. Margaret Atwood is a phenomenal writer.

Anyway, CT scan is on the agenda, tomorrow. I started off just wanted to write a super short update on here and it turned into this novel. lol. I think I have a problem with that. So now, for your random gif. ⬇️

#metastatic breast cancer #autism parenting #autism #autism assessment #autism awareness #my day #blogging on my blog

[sols-actual-main-blog]

Oh yeah I haven't updated you about DnD for a while, oops, it will probably happen again.

Anway.

Meet the party!

- Azrui, a yuan ti rogue and anarchist who has a dark and dirty secret: she's a trust fund kiddie

- Maleus Steward, a tiefling warlock, who actually has a desk job and is out and about against his will because his work contract requires a practical adventuring year

- Morlen (it's pronounced Norlen though), a wood elf druid who spent the last 300 years just chilling in the woods after being exiled for a crime him didn't commit

(We used to have a fourth player in the first installment, a human fighter named Günther who was a woodworker looking for a little more in life, but due to scheduling conflicts, he is no longer part of the party and will only have one-off appearances as an NPC when time allows it.)

Highlights so far included:

- me making Mal's player laugh so hard he had to excuse himself for a moment to get his composure back after I told him that in the world of the game, a bunch of dragons gathers every thursday night to play a fantasy board game named Desks & Accountants

- M/Norlen's player breaking the game five minutes after learning the spellcasting rules in a way that made me want to tear out my hair (out of pride!) - wood elves only need 4 hours for a long rest, a druid has 2 Level One spell slots and the Goodberry spell; so he figured out he could just trance for 4 hours, wake up, spend two spell slots on 20 Goodberries, go back to trance for another 4 hours and then wake up in the morning with the others, well-rested, with two crisp new spell slots and 20 fucking Goodberries in his back pocket, no big deal [I might or might not be a little afraid of this player.]

- just... so many inappropriate jokes about "the other kind of dungeon" *wink wink*. SO. MANY. [that's what I get for playing with kinky people I guess]

- me bullshitting my way out of a minor worldbuilding "hole" in a truly glorious way - I off-handedly mentioned that Mal's cooking skills were 'edible, but not star-worthy', to which Mal's player replied (jokingly!) why there are Michelin stars in a world that doesn't even have car tires, and I improv'd my way out of that by explaining that the Michelin stars in this world have nothing to do with the real world tire company, but are named after Guy Michelin, a legendary rogue and swindler who invented the tavern guide to get free delicious food everywhere he went

I can't wait to see what these major chaotic bitches get up to next, not gonna lie.

#ah the joys of being a DM #i love my party so much already #sol on a roll #dnd

[copyrittenbones]

To go along with the last post: Here's the Sketch, in progress shots and finished render from June this year :D

So here is the wonderful starting point. I never do lineart! It's purely just sketch to colour. Generally, this takes me atleast an hour to acccomplish :)

The first stages of rendering: The flats! The easiest part for me since I bullshit my way through colour theory :D. This stage? Easy peasy—10-20 minutes, even shorter when working with someone elses OC's bc they generally have a scheme already

Stage two: What The Fuck, PUT IT BACK.

Since I work on seperate layers for the colours, it always looks cursed in the beginning and all the way to the middle due to the varying amounts of detail. Welcome to the render phase btw, this is what eats up most of my time.

Stagae 3: ???

(Im skipping a lot rn due to tumblrs limits)

but! most of the bigger things have been completed at this point, the rest is finishing up the smaller layers

and merging all of the detail layers because sometimes I choose to work on a giant fucking canvas

Stage 4: Profit. (Open to see all of the microscopic detailing)

I do all of these renders with my finger btw! I lost all of my pens years ago, and now doing it with a pen hurts my wrist.

But honestly speaking one of my average renders takes 7 hours, and I don't even notice time going by

Hope you don't mind the older stuff!

-Copy

#digital illustration #digital art #art #digital painting #original content #bro i swear to god though #i want to render but i have no motivation #so im just doing character sketches so i dont wither away

[thefandomcassandra]

Champion (4/20): Thy Genius Sates a Thirst for Trouble

cham·pi·on — /ˈCHampēən/

(n) - a person who fights or argues for a cause or on behalf of someone else

(v) - support the cause of; defend

—

"I don't want these powers. They're too much."

Reigen said he would bear any burden too big for Mob.

Everything was fine. Everything was fine and nothing was wrong and Reigen wasn't psychic. There currently weren't objects free-floating and being flung willy-nilly about his office without him physically touching them. Yep! Everything was a-ok!

It's not like he had a full twenty four hours to figure out if this was a fever dream or not. It's not like he spent the better part of his night ignoring what he had seen seconds before closing up - before Dimple scuttled off like Reigen threatened to exorcise him. It's not like he took a hot shower—running the water to ice while he hyperventilated—and went to bed, willfully ignoring what was obviously him buying his own bullshit. It's not like he went to work buzzing with energy and tried to ignore the fact that he could see every spirit near him—and some of them were just whole human corpses, stuck in the agonizing moment of their death.

Nope! Everything was fine! Reigen wasn't psychic, he was just a goddamn phony, and he was having a Very Bad Day.

Except Reigen wasn't delusional and, for all he was a liar, he wasn't going to pretend like whatever the hell was happening to him was okay or normal (for him).

So instead, he had a very quiet, very tumultuous panic attack in his office as he prayed—to whatever god might hear out liars like him—that he wouldn't have any clients today.

Thus far, his luck had held.

Then someone knocked on his door.

Read the Rest on AO3

#mob psycho 100 #mob psycho #mp100 #please reblog #the plot is popping off yall #the sheepy writes fic

[sibyl-of-space]

Today was Very Good.

It's right in the middle of finals hell. One of my friends was performing as part of a collaboration with a museum of modern art this evening, and I was feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of finishing all my work in time to go see her. I decided to bail and just go home.

On my walk to the train station to get home, I realized that it was a really, really nice day out, and that going to an art museum sounded really, really nice.

So... I went straight there and spent my whole day there, on my own with my music at my pace, enjoying some pieces and ignoring others. Reading some piece descriptions that made me understand the works better, and reading others that came off as pretentious bullshit. I had 4-5 hours before my friend's performance and I spent all of them just completely in my own world sitting down and resting near my favorite works and thinking about the different ways I enjoy art. (critically, aesthetically, narratively, personally....)

Anyway my favorite piece is called "Surface Effect" by Diana Thater. Here is a gel pen self-portrait of me staring at it for like 20 minutes

#my art #personal #i had fun i love art i love multimedia art i love collaborative art #i also absolutely hate some art but i enjoy the process of learning it exists #because someone out there was like This Is What I Want To Leave The World #and some of it sucks and some of it rules and some of it is cool and some of it is pretentious #good day! much needed day!!!! #sketches by leo