SECOND (TO NONE) — JACK HUGHES
jack hughes x fem!reader
summary: in which y/n has spent most of her life loving Jack, only to always come up second to her sister
notes: can you tell i love Little Women? with that being said, i was extremely inspired by THE Laurie and Amy scene in Little Women (2019), therefore, one portion of dialogue in this fic is not my own but instead borrowed from the scene and all credits for that go to Greta Gerwig. (5.3k words)
it started on september 20th, 2017.
how pathetic is that? i remember the exact date that my sister brought home the boy i would fawn over for the rest of my days.
i remember it clear as day, though most of it could be from the long-held sisterly grudge of my sister telling me to take the bus home; she was waiting for a friend and didn’t want me ‘bugging’ them.
at the time, i figured it was one of her girl friends. but merely a few hours later, i would meet Jack Hughes.
that day would be the wrecking ball for the next six years of my life. day in and day out, from the ages of fifteen to twenty-one, if you were to ask me what i was thinking of, or rather who, the answer would always be Jack.
i spent years of my life wasting away in the agony of unrequited love. because while i was pining over him, he was pining over her.
*** May 6th, 2018 ***
my shirt sticks to my chest, raindrops drenching my clothing and my shoes thoroughly soaked from deep puddles. laughing as i reach the front porch, i glance behind me in await of my best friend.
“Spencer, you’re getting soaked!” i state, though i’m sure he’s extremely aware of his own status.
“it’s just water, y/n. it’s not hurting anyone.” i roll my eyes, Spencer’s natural poetic demeanor incredibly unsettling for a seventeen year old boy.
as he meets me on the porch, my hand finds the front doorknob, slinging open the door and stepping into the warm air. my clothes drip onto the entrance rug, Spencer pushing me aside in order to step in and shut the door behind us.
“mom! we’re home!” my voice echoes throughout the house as i slip my wet sandals off, dropping my shopping bags on the entryway table, Spencer following suit.
“she’s not home! she’s having lunch with Ellen!” my sister’s voice calls back, drifting towards me from the living room.
wandering down the hallway towards the living area, i peel Spencer’s US National Development Program sweatshirt over my head, my cream colored shirt rising slightly as it sticks to the wet hoodie.
“you’ll never guess who Spence and i saw at the-” my words fail me as i reach the living room, my sister sat on the couch beside her own best friend.
all too quickly, i’m suddenly self-conscious about my appearance. finding insecurity in the way my hair has frizzed up from the humidity of the day, and the way my saturated clothes stick to my body as though covered in honey.
nestled into Jack’s side, Sara raises an eyebrow towards me, her expression silently ordering me to leave; a stark contrast to that of her close friend, who smiles warmly towards me.
“hey, bug.” Jack grins, his arm slung around my sister’s shoulder and effectively stinging my soul. “sup, Spence?”
my best friend smiles at his teammate, ignoring Sara’s deadly stare and making himself at home on the gray couch.
“hey, Hughesy.” Spencer gives a nod of acknowledgment, “hey, malibu barbie.”
“i have a name, Knight.” Sara hisses, her nose scrunching in disgust towards my friend. “you’re getting the couch wet.”
“mhm.” Spencer mindlessly hums, turning his head to look back at my still motionless figure, “you coming, y/n/n?”
nodding, i join the three of them on the ‘L’ shaped couch.
“hi, Jack.” i can feel my face flush already, blood rising to my cheeks; the most traitorous display of my feelings.
but Jack just smiles, “how was the mall? crowded?”
“no, actually pretty empty for a weekend.” i reply, my voice meek.
Spencer cuts in, sending me an obnoxious and horribly hidden smirk, “should’ve come, Hughesy. you could’ve kept me company while this one tried on all her new pretty clothes.”
if this was my friend’s attempt at helping me, it sure was a sucky one. Sara’s eyes bounce between Jack, Spencer, and, i before she rolls them, announcing her departure to the bathroom. pushing off the couch, she knocks Jack’s arm off of her shoulders, his smile dropping just slightly as she leaves the room.
“kinda wanted to go.” Jack clears his throat, “but Sara wasn’t feeling it.”
now it’s Spencer’s turn to roll his eyes, nodding his head in understanding, “ah yes, and what Sara wants, Sara gets.”
if this were any other context, the months-long feud between my sister and my best friend would be amusing me in the highest degree; but in the moment, all i can feel is the nausea that bubbles up as Jack’s cheeks twinge pink at his teammates teasing.
“shut up, Spence.” he mutters, eyes flickering back towards me, slightly widened as if he just remembered i was there, “maybe you should do a fashion show for us, bug. Sara’s told me you used to do them for her when you get new clothes, let us see ‘em!”
the cadence in which he speaks, though i know it’s not his intention, makes me feel small. like i’m a child and not only one year younger than him. and yet, the idea that he wants to see me model all of my new clothes makes my heart flutter in my chest; nearly pounding against the bars of the cage i keep it in, wanting nothing more than for me to confess my feelings right then and there on the fabric couch of my living room, a rom-com, annoyingly fitting of the moment, paused on the tv, and my best friend sat right beside me.
“she told you that?”
“yeah,” his brows furrow, “she tells me plenty of stories of when you guys were younger. i love that she loves you.”
right. this is about her, not me.
i smile halfheartedly as Sara walks back into the room, taking her place back on the couch and underneath Jack’s arm.
for a moment, i wonder if he would still be so smitten if he knew that she doesn’t look at him the way that i do… the way that he looks at her. if he would still pine after her and bend to her will if he knew that she had been going on dates with one of the boys on the soccer team, and that she looked at him with stars in her eyes, the same way Jack looks at her. if he would still look past me, still think of me as nothing more than Sara’s little sister, if he knew she had no intentions to ever make something more of their friendship.
would he move on from her? look for someone else to give his affection to? and would i be wildly insane to wonder if it would be me?
“i actually think i’ll pass,” i finally speak again, a lovelorn quirk to my lips, “don’t want Sara getting any ideas to steal any of my new clothes.”
my sister laughs, eyes twinkling as she winks at me, “i’ll see them next time i go shopping in your closet, don’t worry.”
a small flash of disappointment shines through in Jack’s beautiful blue eyes before he nods, “alright, maybe next time.”
*** January 8th, 2023 ***
“Jack!” my voice carries over the noise of a crowded shoe store in New York City, pushing my way through the people as i watch Jack’s head whip around in confusion. “Jack!”
his eyes scan the store, only landing upon me once i’ve finally made my way through the gaggle of people, now a mere few feet from him.
a bright grin spreads across his face, eyes twinkling, “bug!”
his laugh permeates my ears as i launch myself at him, arms latching around his shoulders and making him teeter in place before finding his core balance, his arms spindling around my waist.
“what are you doing here?” he questions as we pull away, his hands still resting on my waist.
“in a shoe store, or in New York?”
“New York, obviously.” he chuckles.
“girls trip! we were bored out of our minds and decided to spend a couple weeks here.” i explain, craning my neck to see if i can spot my friends in the hectic store.
“we?” he repeats, “is…”
my smile dims at his forlorn yet hopeful expression, shaking my head, “oh, no. she’s not here.”
“i came with some friends.” i tell him and he nods, letting out a seemingly relieved breath. “i’m sorry again, Jack. i can’t believe she-”
“let’s not.” he interjects, “if that’s okay? i’d rather not talk about it.”
i agree, my sisters final rejection of him being the last thing on the list of topics i’d like to discuss with my unrequited teenage love.
“who’s this?” someone cuts in, a hand slapping down on Jack’s shoulder. the new guest has a heavy accent, a neat scruff adorning his face… he’s cute.
“oh, Neeks, this is bug, or sorry, y/n.” Jack’s hands drop from my waist, a long-familiar shiver running through me at the loss of his touch. turning partly towards his friend, Jack’s face brightens again. “y/n, this is my captain, Nico.”
“y/n,” Nico parrots, “you’re Sara’s sister, right?”
it takes everything in me not to cringe, having worked so hard to make myself into my own person now; no longer used to being known as ‘Sara’s sister’ like i was in school.
“yeah.” i sigh, nodding my head, “that’s me.”
i should’ve known better than to think i could be my own person when it comes to Jack. that i could be someone more than the girl who used to follow he and my sister around everywhere.
even with Jack’s new friends, ones that have no connection to me or Sara, i’m still just the little sister of the girl who broke his heart.
“she’s not just Sara’s sister.” Jack tells his captain. he slings an arm around my shoulder, that once disappeared flutter reappearing in my chest, “this girl is the best friend of Spencer Knight and Cole Caufield. she used to go everywhere with us.”
and just like that, the flutter is gone, died out in a sudden burst of flames.
Jack looks down at me, “have you spoken to them recently?”
“yeah.” i force a smile. “i speak to them almost every day.”
“sorry to cut the reunion short, but Jack, we have to go soon.” Nico speaks, gaining Jack’s attention again, “it was nice to meet you, y/n. hopefully i’ll see you again.”
Jack backs away, looking at me again, “text me! you should come to the lake house this summer!”
*** June 20th, 2024 ***
last summer, i spent two weeks of July at the Hughes lake house; my days filled by boating, tanning, and golfing; my nights consisting of bonfires and bars.
it was nice, being surrounded by people i’ve known since high school. i had even convinced Spencer to join me on the trip, though he ended up staying longer than i did.
i felt like those two weeks really helped me solidify myself as more than just ‘Sara’s sister’ to the guys, which provided me with a sense of closure with Jack.
no longer was my mind plagued of thoughts about him anymore. my nights no longer accompanied by dreams of the sweet, blue-eyed boy that i so desperately loved in high school. i felt free.
for the first time since i met him, i was able to date without holding out an unrealistic hope that he would randomly tell me he loved me back.
not long after returning home from the lake house, i met Ryan; a lawyer who knew nothing about the hockey world, which i felt was exactly what i needed.
he asked me out and for once in my life, i was able to say yes without feeling guilty. without feeling like somehow i was cheating on my unrequited love. i was finally able to move on from high school love, for the most part.
on our first few dates, i opened up to Ryan; i told him all about how inexperienced i really was with the dating scene and exactly why. i told him about my six years of unreturned love for my sisters ex-best friend. i told him that i was still friends with him but that i felt that love was in the past. and he was okay with it, he was understanding and sincere and he wanted to be the one i moved on with.
within a few months, i was moved in with Ryan, and now here we are, only a month short of our one year anniversary.
only an hour ago, i arrived to the lake house for the second summer in a row. this time, for a full month of relaxation and catching up with friends. Ryan would meet me here for the last week of my month, it not being quite as easy for him to get away from work as it is for me, and i can’t wait to introduce him to the friends who made high school so easy for me.
**
“y/n!” my peaceful tanning takes a turn when most of the guys arrive back from the grocery store, Trevor appearing to be the most excited to see me.
my eyelids peel open, hand rising to flick my sunglasses to the top of my head as i look over at the hyper hockey player, “hi, Trev.”
his hands slip into mine, helping me up from the lounge chair in order to sweep me into a tight hug.
“how’s life been?” he grins, pulling back and slinging his arm around my shoulder as he guides us into the house.
i can hear the ruckus of rowdy boys from outside, though that’s not at all shocking, in my experience.
“it’s been great.” my mind flickers to my boyfriend, the one who texted me merely thirty minutes ago to make sure i made it here safe, promising to call me when he gets his lunch break, “really great.”
at my pink cheeks and surely dopey smile, Trevor guffaws, pinching my cheek as we step into the house, “did our little bug get a boyfriend?!”
the house goes silent, Trevor’s voice bouncing off the walls and echoing through the downstairs.
“i’m not little.” i mumble, effectively embarrassed by the overwhelming reaction to the news, “i’m only a year younger than you.”
Cole and Spencer are the only two who already knew of the progression in my dating life, being the two people i talk to the most.
“you have a boyfriend?” a voice chimes from my left, and i look over to find Jack, his face soft and his hands full of grocery bags.
i bite back a smile, suddenly feeling hot under all their gazes. nodding, i speak again, “yeah, his name is Ryan. he’s the plus-one i asked about.”
“he’s here?!” Trevor shouts in exasperation.
i giggle, shaking my head at the way the guys all start looking around, all but Jack, “no! he’s coming in a few weeks! he can’t get off work so easily.”
Trevor drags me to the couch, Jack’s eyes following me as he sets the groceries on the table, slowly dragging his feet behind everyone towards the living room.
“what does he do?” “how old is he?” “is he treating you right?” “is he a hockey fan?” “is he hot?”
my brows furrow at the last question thrown at me, looking at Alex in bewilderment, “what? i feel like it’s a good question.”
a hearty laugh drops from my lips, lowering myself to the couch in preparation to answer their many questions.
“he’s a lawyer, he’s twenty-nine, he treats me amazingly, he’s not a hockey fan, and i think he’s pretty hot.”
a collective gasp is heard around the room, my friends looking at me in utter disbelief, “he’s not a hockey fan?”
Cole shudders, as if the idea is the worst thing possible, “you left that out.”
“i couldn’t have you hating on him!” i shout in defense. my eyes scan the room of guys, finally landing on Jack, who stands in the entrance of the room, his hands in his pockets and his lips downturned.
“is that really what you guys are focusing on?” he scoffs and my eyebrows pinch in confusion at his sour mood, “he’s seven years older than her, and you guys are more worried about the fact that he doesn’t like hockey?”
a small part of me feels like a teenager again, honored that he’s so worried about me, but a much larger part of me is offended for both me and my boyfriend.
“i’m an adult, Jack. i can make my own decisions and i’m very aware of Ryan and i’s age gap, but if i’m not uncomfortable with it then why should you be?”
Jack raises a brow at my spiteful tone, clearly not used to having it used on him, “i’ve known you for nearly seven years, bug. i’m just looking out for you.”
“well don’t,” i sneer, “i didn’t ask for you to look out for me. it’s not your job.”
the other boys squirm amidst the tension between Jack and i, Quinn the first to speak up again.
“so, how serious are you guys?”
Quinn’s question gathers my attention again, butterflies swarming in my stomach as i remember a moment just a couple weeks ago.
“i think he’s gonna propose soon.” i confess, my face burning as Spencer lets out an ‘ooooh!’
“i found a ring in his nightstand drawer a few weeks ago, i think he might do it on our anniversary.”
Cole reacts first, pulling me in for a hug as the others cheer out a premature ‘congratulations’, only one member of the group staying silent. but when i look back at the living room entrance, Jack is gone.
“i think this calls for some boating!” Trevor sings out, already jumping up from his seat to go get changed.
“you just want an excuse to go out on the boat!” Luke yells, Trevor nodding in agreement as he disappears up the stairs.
**
after an entire week of boating, wakesurfing, and golfing, we end our sunday night around a bonfire.
orange flames lick at the air, the added heat making the summer night sweltering. yet, most of us can be found sitting around the fire pit, enjoying each other’s company.
“dude, she wasn’t flirting with you.” Cole yells across the blazing fire to Trevor, who’s still convinced the girl he met this afternoon was hitting on him.
“she so was!” Trevor huffs, “you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
almost everyone rolls their eyes, the rest of us knowing the girl was incredibly uninterested in the hyperactive twenty-three year old.
“y/n, she was flirting with me, right?!” Trevor turns to me, eyes wide in await of my agreement, but it never comes.
scrunching my nose, my head shakes in denial, making him groan.
“the only other girl has spoken… that was not flirting!” Spencer announces, “better luck next time, Z.”
“i don’t think y/n would know flirting if it hit her in the face. she doesn’t count.” Jack laughs, raising his beer up to his lips as he smirks at my offended expression.
“i have a boyfriend! i know what flirting looks like!”
“a soon to be fiancé.” Alex wiggles his eyebrows, shimmying his shoulders in a teasing manner as he stands up, “i’m heading inside, it’s too hot out here.”
a few others mutter in agreement, rising from their chairs and following him into the house, leaving just me, Spencer, and Jack.
i sit in silence, watching the flames as the two boys converse, not yet ready to head inside. instead, i’m pulled off in my own thoughts, my mind twisting as i think of this past week.
i thought Jack and i were fine. he said last summer that he didn’t hold my sisters rejection against me, but now i’m wondering if he was lying. ever since i’ve arrived, he’s been nothing but cold shouldered and a bit bitter towards me.
but the oddest part is that it hurts me more than i’d like it to. it feels like my teenage years all over again, vying for his attention and affections, desperate for him to love me. i thought i was over this unreciprocated love, but now here i am again, my only comfort being the knowledge that Jack doesn’t love me like that, but i have someone back home who does.
Spencer’s lips press to the crown of my head, pulling my head out of my thoughts.
“i’m heading inside.” he tells me, earning a nod of acknowledgment from me as i tell him i’ll probably be in soon.
and then there were two.
Jack and i sit in silence for a while, neither of us daring to break the peace as we admire the fire. i push up from my seat, stepping a bit closer to the fire pit in order to watch the orange burn of the logs.
“don’t marry him.”
my head snaps over to Jack, his eyes now glued to me as my face contorts in confusion.
“what?” i gawk.
“don’t marry him.” he repeats, finally standing from his chair.
“why?”
“why?” he scoffs, “you know why.”
my mind is racing, my heart beating wildly in my chest as i turn to face him completely.
“no.” i shake my head, realization settling deep within the pits of my stomach, “no.”
“yes.” he steps closer, a mere 5 feet from me now, and i instinctively take a step back.
all week he’s been sour towards me and i’ve wondered what it meant, and now i know. he’s upset.
upset with me for finding someone else.
“no. Jack, you’re being mean.” i frown. old feelings rise inside of me, nausea plaguing me as tears spring to my eyes, and Jack closes up the space between us, his hand grasping my arm lightly, “stop it, stop it!”
“what? how am i being mean?” he mumbles, brows threading together as i shake off his touch.
“i have been second to Sara my whole life. in everything!” i cry lightly, “and i will not be the person you settle for just because you cannot have her.”
i step away, slowly backing up towards the house, still facing the man who held my heart for so long, only now wanting me when i’m finally taken.
“i won’t-” i stutter, gasping for breath, “i won’t do it. i won’t. not when i’ve spent my entire life loving you.”
Jack’s lips part as he stands in place, as if shocked. as though he wasn’t expecting such an easy confession to tumble from my lips.
“you just-” i sigh, tears spilling over my waterline as i freeze, the joints of my thumbs being pressed to my eyes in attempt to stop my crying, “why don’t you want me to be happy, Jack?
“i spent six years pining for you. i would’ve done anything to get you to love me. and all you wanted was her! and i don’t hate you for that, i can’t be mad at you, you can’t help who you love; but now that i’ve tried to move on, you want to tell me that i shouldn’t marry him? you don’t even love me!”
anger bubbles within me at the audacity that he holds, my hand flying between us in emphasis of my emotions.
“yes, i do!” he spits back, stepping towards me, “don’t tell me what i feel! just because i may not have felt it back then doesn’t mean i can’t feel it now!”
“you only want me because you can’t have her!” i argue.
“you keep saying that but that’s not true! and no matter how many times you say it, it’s not just gonna magically become true, y/n!
“maybe you want to be right because it would make this easier on you. but the truth is that spending time with you without Sara around just gave me the opportunity to get to know the real you. and yes, maybe i didn’t love you like this then, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that i love you now.”
his chest heaves as he closes the space between us once more, staring down at me the exact way that i’ve looked at him all these years; like i’m the only person in the world for him. like i hung the stars in the sky to shine just for him. like i hold his heart in my hands, the fate of his existence weighing in my decisions.
“i love the way you smile and the way that you speak so softly.” he whispers breathily, “i love seeing you in your glasses late at night, and the fact that somehow you’re always cold. i love your kind heart and the way that you care about everyone you meet, so easily. i love your smart mind and the fact that even though you know you’re smarter than literally everyone here, you don’t show it off or make us feel dumb. instead, you correct us lightly, even if it’s Trevor being stubborn and insisting he’s right.”
i let out a raspy chuckle at his words, tears still silently falling down my cheeks.
“i love your determination and that when you set your mind to something, you achieve it. i love your good and even what you say are your flaws. i love you, y/n. and i’m sorry that i didn’t see it before. tell me to back off and i will. tell me you choose him and i’ll leave you alone, i won’t push it. but i needed to tell you how i feel before it was too late.”
he finally ends his speech, his eyes flickering between my own and my lips.
my mind feels numb yet entirely too full with this new knowledge, and i can’t process it all with him staring at me expectantly.
“can i think about this? please?” i question, pulling away, “this is a lot for me to process right now and i need some time, Jack.
“i spent so long trying to get over you. i thought you would never like me the way that i like you, and now you’re telling me this and i have to make a decision and i just-”
“of course.” Jack cuts me off, nodding, “take however long you need. i don’t want you to feel rushed; really think about it, bug. i don’t want you to choose me just because you feel like you have to. if you want him, then choose him. but if you want me, i’m here. i’m telling you that i love you and i want you, and i’ll wait however long you need.”
i nod, turning and finally walking into the house, hands swiftly wiping at my cheeks to try and get rid of my tears before i reach the door, but it’s useless. just as fast as i wipe the old tears, new ones follow.
“and i— y/n, you okay?” Luke asks, stopping his story to the guys as i rush through the living room and towards the stairs.
i stop at the first step, sniffling but not turning to face them, “yeah, i’m gonna head to bed. i’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
a chorus of ‘goodnight’s are shouted my way as i ascend the stairs, shutting myself in my bedroom and locking the door.
crumpling to the bed, my tears won’t stop, heavy sobs wracking my chest.
hours pass by slowly until it’s eight in the morning, my body exhausted and aching from tossing and turning all night. i couldn’t shut my mind off, no matter how hard i tried.
i feel so conflicted, my heart being pulled into two directions, but i know that one direction is stronger than the other.
no matter how hard i tried to move on, i should’ve known that there was no ‘moving on’ from Jack. those feelings would always linger, still hidden under the guise of closure and friendship.
Jack is my home. my heart will always lie with him, no matter how long passes or who i meet.
my thumb hovers over Ryan’s contact, shaking but otherwise frozen, my body overwhelmed with anxiety at what might await me at the other end of the phone call.
the dial tone rings out, my cellphone now being pressed to my ear as i await the greeting from the other side.
“hey, babe. i was just about to call you.”
“you were?” my tone is raspy and low, my throat sore from crying.
“yeah, somethings come up. i don’t think i can make it on the trip like we planned.” a sense of relief fills me at his words.
“oh, that’s okay. i actually think i’m gonna come back early.” i tell him, my eyes staring straight ahead of me at my half packed suitcase.
“why’s that?”
“i think we need to talk.” i confess, pressure building back up on my chest as i think about the conversation awaiting me back home.
Ryan sighs gently and i can hear some papers being shuffled around, the creak of a door shutting before he speaks again.
“did you sleep with him?”
“what?” i’m appalled, my lips parted in disbelief.
“Jack. did you sleep with him?” he wonders so easily, like he just assumed it would happen.
“no!” i scoff.
“then it’s okay.” he replies, and though i don’t know how he would know, i can tell; he knows what i have to tell him. “i expected it. i really liked you, and i know you really liked me, but i’ve known from the start that i couldn’t compare to him.
“you may have have liked me, but you love him.” he tells me, “i just hope he doesn’t take you for granted, because you deserve the best. and if he is that for you, then i’m happy for you. but if he treats you like anything less… don’t settle, y/n.”
just when i had thought i had nothing left to give, more tears run down my rose tinted cheeks, “i’m sorry.”
“don’t be.” he’s stern with his words, showing me he means them, “i assume he told you how he feels?”
“yeah.” i sigh, “he loves me.”
“then don’t be sorry. you deserve to love and to be loved.”
“thank you.”
he mutters a goodbye, the call ending, and i feel a sense of determination flood through my veins.
rising off my bed, i fling open my bedroom door, stomping down the steps until i reach the kitchen, where i can hear the boys discussing the plan for the day.
at my whirlwind arrival, the boys silence, watching me with baited breath and curious eyes as i stalk towards Jack, who stands frozen at the counter.
“what’s going o-” Trevor’s words are quieted by the sound of my hand smacking against Jack’s cheek. the boys gasping at my action before Trevor begins to laugh.
“that’s for waiting so long.” i huff and Jack nods robotically.
“so i’m guessing that’s a no?” he wonders, voice solemn, as though accepting defeat.
“shut up.” i whisper.
my hands glide over his shoulders, wrapping around the nape of his neck as i pull him down towards me, crashing my lips upon his in a bruising kiss.
“oh!” “what the fuck!”
our friends reactions are thoroughly ignored, Jack’s hands coming to rest on my waist, his fingers gripping into my hips as he deepens the kiss. his tongue slides past my parted lips, but i pull away before we can get any farther in front of our friends.
“and that’s my decision.” i whisper, a beautiful smile spreading across his lips, “don’t make me regret it.”
“i wouldn’t dream of it, bug.”
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