#2020 quarantine challenge

[justanamesstuff]

Chapter 1

Seasons

Matty Healy x f!reader

A/N: Hiii guys, I'm so nervous for this BUT very excited too!! I hope you like it <3

Warnings: swearing a bit?, typos maybe.

Word count: 3 K

MASTERLIST TAGLIST

Every season has its colours, has its smells, has its traditions. Like every season, this love has its particularities…

Around November of 2020, England

“Matty- Oh my god!!“ 

The constant banging on her wall and the high-pitched moaning at the other side woke Y/n up. Quickly, she took her pillow and placed it on top of her face, trying to muffle the horrible sounds reaching her ears. ‘God, is she having a good time? Or he’s killing her?’, the thought crossed the girl's mind. 

Most of the time they weren’t that loud, but during that morning they just seemed to not care.

It was useless, the sounds were getting louder and louder. Y/n couldn’t bear with it any more and knowing that even if they –luckily– stopped she wouldn’t come back to sleep. So, Y/n decided to go downstairs. Maybe one of the guys was making breakfast, which would help with the awful start of her day.

Her prayers weren’t heard. The kitchen was empty and no breakfast was made. She tried to cheer up a little, because Y/n needed to survive the day. To be honest, every day and morning it was getting harder and harder.

After a quiet but long sigh, Y/n started cooking for everyone. Nothing unusual since she tried to do it most of the mornings in exchange for their generosity letting her stay at the boys' studio –which was half Matty’s house as well. Spending the quarantine rent-free with them, listening how they recorded the new album and messing around was a true blessing if she tried to focus on the bright side of everything. 

Well, they kind of forced her because they were very against Y/n spending those months alone in her flat. The boys cared about the girl as a best friend and as a sister too. They were a bunch of drama queens most of the time, but deep down Y/n was enormously grateful with/for them.

Thinking about the first months, Y/n couldn’t deny those were amazing. The entire group spent a lot of quality time, doing the stupidest challenges, doing Instagram lives for the fans, watching a lot of movies, etc. Although everything took a turn when another person joined the party. When Nadia arrived.

It wasn’t like Y/n hated her, in fact, it was the opposite which created a big dilemma for her. Matty’s girlfriend was nice and the idea of having another girl was actually  comforting during the tough times. But Y/n wasn’t so fond of the situation for other reasons.

For a period –a very long one– if you asked her, she endured with it and put on her best –fake– happy face. Y/n’s acting talents were very handy at times. Although, her true feelings were still there, underneath the surface, where no one can notice them. Specially Matty.

 Time went by and the whole thing was making her more anxious, and although the idea of leaving crippled into her mind at every minute, she couldn’t really decide. Y/n didn’t want to leave but watching Matty 24/7 attached to the other girl’s side was taking the best of her mental health.

Y/n’s mind was running fast with thoughts while she cooked, which made her subconsciously ignore the tall man coming down after he heard movement downstairs. George watched his friend move around, knowing more than anyone in the house about her sorrows. George was probably the closest to her out of the four guys. He was the only one who knew all of her secrets and kept it secured as if it was his own.

The drummer stared at her, expecting for Y/n to notice him, but he acknowledged that the girl was in another dimension. She used to do that more than she liked to admit. George could bet ‘the morning moaning festival’ taking place half an hour prior was the main reason.

Y/n finished cooking a big amount of scrambled eggs and turned searching for a plate when she saw George standing in the partially lighted corridor. “Fuck G! You scared the shit out of me!” she exclaimed while resting a hand on her chest.

“Sorry!” the big man shrugged his shoulders. “Didn’t mean to scare you, love.” he apologized, approaching his best friend. “Good morning.” he greeted her properly, and she huffed.

“Good morning to you.” Y/n answered sarcastically after G placed a kiss on top of her head. 

“So, you heard, huh?”

“I can’t stand it any more, G.” she let him know. “It’s just a lot.” she continued, lowering her voice scared another of the boys could hear her.

“I know, love.” the drummer said with an apologetic expression. “But the lockdown is nearly over, and y’know none of us would like you to go.” G said as he searched for mugs.

“Why not? It’s my life, my freedom!” Y/n protested, starting to get annoyed. “It’s getting worse every day…” Y/n desperately moved her hands in the air trying to prove her point.

“Believe me… I know!” George searched for her eyes, keeping eye contact when Y/n looked back at him, waiting for his next words. “I’m not in your…situation, but I’m getting a little annoyed too.” G agreed with her.

“Yes, but it’s his house. He can do whatever he wants…”

“I half agree.” G nodded. “This might be his house, but it’s the place we choose as a studio, so for the time being its our place too…yours too!” George continued rambling, filling the mugs with hot water. “So, they need to stop with the noises.”

A comfortable silence fell between them until Y/n broke it again thinking out loud.

“What the hell can I do?” 

“About what?” A third voice came from the hallway. Matty made his entrance wearing a tired expression matching his gray sweatpants and plain shirt. He approached Y/n, leaving her a kiss on her right cheek. “What can you do about what, love?” he rephrased his question. 

“I- It’s nothing — Morning” she said without looking at him, instead walking towards the table bringing a mug with her.

“There must be something. You sounded worried.” Matty insisted.

“It’s something between Y/n and I, mate.” George said in a joking way, trying to distract him. “Something between best pals, you wouldn’t understand it.” he stated, rounding Y/n with his left arm meanwhile he winked at Matty taking a sip of his morning tea.

“Fuck off!” Matty protested. They usually have a competition about the title which Y/n find equally lame and cute. She easily felt the tension leaving her shoulders, relaxing thanks to their stupid discussion, knowing that for now Matty dropped his interrogation.

“Tell him, darling!” G urged her.

“It’s too early for this fight. Shut up and sit. I’ll bring the cutlery.” Y/n said, detaching herself from George. 

“Y/n is just too nice to tell ya, mate. She loves me more.” the singer continued joking, obviously unaware of the real implication of his words.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Matty.” George answered, sitting at his usual spot at the table.

“Who was the beautiful soul that made breakfast?” Ross entered the kitchen and stopped in his tracks, closing his eyes and inhaling dramatically.

“You know the answer.” John teased as he appeared from behind Ross. “You know you don’t have to, Y/n.” the musician approached her and helped with the forks and knives.

“Yes, for the hundred times…I know, John.” she looked at him. “But we all know that I would feel guilty since you all never let me pay for anything.”

“Because you don’t have to pay us, love.” Matty said from his place at the table with his sight fixed on his phone. He and the damn nicknames.

“But- “

“No but’s, Y/n. We’re happy to have you here!” Ross said as they all sat around the table.

They were serving breakfast when the conversation took another direction -something about the coronavirus and all of that. At the same time, the last resident of the house made her entrance.

Y/n sometimes envied her. Matty’s girlfriend always looked immaculate to a point that you could never think she just woke up. Y/n knew comparisons were wrong, but it was hard to avoid them. The girl felt awful: her hair was all tangled in a messy bun on the top of her head; only wearing an old t-shirt -from a not so famous band--and a pair of pyjamas short; and she was not wearing any makeup meanwhile she stuffed her breakfast on her face.

Nadia was all classy and perfect, the opposite of Y/n. Maybe that’s why he chose her and not his best friend. Y/n knew thinking like that was also wrong, yet again she couldn’t help it.

Y/n witnessed how Nadia greeted everyone and sat beside Matty, flashing him a cute smile he returned. They were in love, and it was obvious to everyone. Y/n was so happy for her best friend to find someone who loved him, although for many years she hoped that person would be her. For years, Y/n hoped Matty noticed her more than a mate.

When they first met, Y/n thought she felt a connection different from with anyone else in her life, although that changed quickly. Matty proved to her time and time again he didn’t want a relationship with her or nothing similar no matter how flirty he was during that first night. And Y/n forced herself her mind and heart to believe it.

Y/n was very unaware that, at the time she met the boys, Matty felt the same way she felt, but the old Matty didn’t want to lose the new friend he encountered. As another way to self sabotage himself, the young Matty did almost the impossible to show Y/n they were friends and just friends. A decision he took while being drunk became a life rule.

Since that moment, since that night, their relationship was kind of determinate. They were friends, the best friends. Not that night, but after a while, Y/n became part of the family and even Matty’s family –both sides– loved her as another member of their family. Y/n felt safe and loved, something she cherished so much since she hadn’t had that kind of love back home. Her family wasn’t like them, the opposite in fact.

For the longest time, Y/n tried to ditch her feeling for Matty. Every time a new girl showed up, tugged under his arm, Y/n decided it was the time to stop getting hurt and move on. Even though, her heart couldn’t do it. It hurt her. And with Nadia was the hardest since all of them could notice it was different, more mature…more serious. Nadia was more than a random girl for Matty and everyone was sure of that.

“Penny for your thoughts.” Matty interrupted Y/n’s inner monologue, staring at her, while his right arm was around Nadia.

“What?” Y/n answered, coming down to earth, with a question. 

“You were gone.” everyone was strangely in silence while they looked at each other.

“I was just thinking about the government lifting the restrictions. Meaning, now I can go home.” she half lied, while messing with the leftovers of her breakfast. Y/n did chat about it with G that morning anyway, and it was a reality Y/n needed to get away from the lovers for a time.

“I told her, none of us want that.” George interrupted their conversation.

“Of course not.” Jaime, who joined the breakfast table, said to her.

“I know, guys. But it’s been almost four months and I- This is not my- “

“Don’t finish that sentence.” Matty warned her, and she looked him directly in the eyes.

“It’s the truth, Matty.” she said, dropping her fork on the plate.

“It’s not, this is your house too, Y/n/n.” Ross, sweet Ross, reminded her. “At the same time, if you want to go back to your flat, I understand. We’ll miss your meals.” his comment made everyone chucked, except Matty who was studying every one of her movements. 

A weak smile was plastered on her face while she stared down towards her plate unable to make eye contact with Matty. “Don’t get me wrong. I love being here with you guys, but I need my space.”

“If this is about some couple…” Jaime looked at Matty and Nadia “Waking up the whole house.” he finished the sentenced winking like a cartoon.

“For fuck's sake.” Matty swore under his breath. “Is it about that?” he looked at Y/n.

“‘Course not!” she looked at him trying her hardest to hide her feelings.

“I wouldn’t blame you if that’s the reason. I’m sleeping on the other side of the house and I can listen to them. You’re right beside Matty’s room!” John emphatically said.

Before Matty could say a word, Y/n exclaimed, “It’s not about that, okay?” she simply lied. 

Y/n could sense George staring at her. “It’s what I said, I need my space, and it’s not like I’m going to disappear.” another white lie. Y/n was planning to do exactly that for a while until her wounds healed again. “You’ll still have to bear with me.” she finished her little speech.

“We can simply send the couple to your flat, and you can stay here in peace” Ross joked this time. All of them except for Matty laughed again.

“Stop with that, he will get angry.” Y/n defended Matty.

“I know it’s not my house either,” Nadia started saying. “If I can say something, I would like you to stay, Y/n.” she continued rather shyly. “It’s nice to have a girl around.” Of course, she was so nice. “I promised we’ll keep it down.” she looked quickly at Matty for reassurance and then again at her.

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry you’ll have to survive with these boys, but I really need to go.” Y/n explained. “Another reason is the fact that I have to prepare to get back to work soon.”

“So, when did you start thinking about leaving? Since you apparently have a lot of reasons to leave.” Matty said with a strange expression on his face.

“Matty-”

“Are you that eager to leave?” ‘He was pissed?’, Y/n thought. 

“Matty- “she protested, not knowing what else to say.  

“No, it’s okay. I get it! You want to leave, it’s okay.” he stood up from his seat gathering the plates to wash them.

“Matty!” Y/n said again.

“It’s fine, Y/n!” he said more sternly, obviously not fine with the situation. 

The rest of the group –included Nadia–, took that as a cue to leave the friends so they could talk. They made stupid excuses, leaving Matty and Y/n alone in the kitchen.

Matty went to the sink, beginning to wash the dishes. After letting a big breath out, Y/n stood up approaching where he was standing.

“Why are you so angry?” she asked him, folding her arms, standing beside Matty looking at his profile. Matty was stroking the plates with more force than needed for the task in hand.

“I’m not. I said that I got it, and it’s fine.” he answered.

“You’re obviously not fine, Matthew.”

“Do you want to know how am I? Perfect.” he stated, turning the water off and drying his hand with a cloth while he turned to look at her. “I really don’t get it why you want to leave so suddenly.”

“It’s not that I want to- “another big lie. She wanted to, she needed to.

“Bullshit!”

Y/n tried to defend herself, “I’m not going to disappear…”

“Bullshit!”

“Can you stop that?” Y/n stood directly in front of Matty. 

“I know you’re going to disappear. I know you. We’re best friends and something is bothering you, I can tell. It hurts that you’re not telling me anything and I fucking bet you told George already.” She couldn’t tell him the truth.

“Is this more about that competition?” Y/n tried to distract him.

“Yes- No- Of course, not- This is about you and me.” Matty said, melting her heart a little. He was obviously troubled with the idea of Y/n leaving.

“Matty, there is nothing…mayor going on. Trust me. I need silence. You said it, you know me. I crave my space…alone.” she told him sweeter this time.

“Yes, I know. But you can find somewhere here-“

“You know that’s a lie.” ‘What a hypocrite I am’, Y/n thought. 

“I know.”

“You aren’t gonna miss me. You have the boy and Nadia- “she moved uncomfortably in her place.

“It’s not the same, you’re my best friend. I’ll miss you, darling.” Matty looked at her with his best doggy eyes.

“Don’t!” Y/n pointed a finger at him.

“What?” he played dumb.

“Don’t give me puppy eyes, it won’t work.” she smiled this time.

“Shit, are you so certain about it?” he looked down, defeated.

“Yes.” Y/n simply said.

“Okay, I understand. You can go.”

“Thanks for your permission that I didn’t ask for.” Y/n tried to joke.

“But- “ he ignored her.

“But?”

“But promise me that you are not going to disappear for too long.” he said, staring directly into her eyes.

“I promise.” Y/n said way too quickly. After a couple of seconds, she had to look elsewhere.

“Can we hug?” he said very slowly. 

Y/n chuckled, placing her arms around his shoulders, at the same time Matty placed his on her waist.

“I love you.” Matty mumbled on her left shoulder.

“I love you too, Matty.” Y/n said, feeling it from the deepest of her heart. There lied the difference. 

Maybe, she couldn’t love anyone like she loved Matty, even though she had to try for the good of their relationship. 

-------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @hollybrislen

#matty healy fic #matty healy x reader #matty healy x y/n #matty the 1975 #matty x you #matty x y/n #matty fanfic #friends to lovers #matty healy #the 1975 #Seasons #matty healy fanfiction #the 1975 fanfiction

[tzthrowbacks]

oooh how about today’s date? march 24 please :)

2017 :

2018 :

2020 : tom bored out of his mind during quarantine (worst thing is i don't think anyone did his challenge after that😭)

2022 : tashi training in rue's hoodie 🎾

#late answer sorry #tom holland #zendaya #throwback #march 24th

[ateez-himari]

'HIMARI' PROFILE

... BASICS

Stage Name: Himari (히마리) Birth Name: Min Himari (민 히마리) Korean Name: Min Ha-Yun (민 하윤) Nicknames: Sunshine, KQ's Princess, The Siren, Korea's Angel, White Swan, The Holy Maknae, Hima, Hime, God's Touch, Hand of Midas (w/Yoongi)

Representative Animal: Tiger 🐯 MBTI Type: INFP Position(s): Lead vocalist, Sub-rapper, Producer, Maknae

Date of Birth : November 23, 2001 Birth Place: Kurashiki, Okayama Prefecture, Japan Association: Yeoheung Min Clan Family: Min Won-Shik (father, 1967-2012), Endo Asuka (mother, 1970-2012), Min Hanzo (older brother), Adoptive Mother, Adoptive Father, Min Geum-Jae (adoptive older brother), Min Yoongi (Adoptive older brother)

Blood Type: O Height: 157cm (5'2")

... CAREER

・As of April 2024, Himari has 173 KOMCA credits

・Was the first 4th generation artist promoted to a full Korea Music Copyright Association (KOMCA) membership in 2022

・Joined JYPE in late 2014 to be part of girl group Twice but was deemed too young to debut after 10 months of training

・Was the first trainee to join Hongjoong at KQ Entertainment and the last to join ATEEZ - following survival show 'Last of 10' (the group was originally going to have ten members but Lee Junyoung didn't debut)

・Became a producer during 'TREASURE EP.1: All to Zero' with credits on 'Stay', 'Twilight', 'Treasure' and 'My Way'

・Officially a part of ATEEZ's 'Demon Line' alongside Hongjoong, Seonghwa and San

・Made a special appearance on the 6th episode of MNet's show 'Good Girl', aired June 18 2020, to perform a cover of Dreamcatcher's 'Red Sun' against the cast.

・Made her acting debut in the K-Drama 'Hellbound' where she played the role of Jin Hee-Jeong. She then obtained the lead role in 'Where We Fall' alongside Yunho in September of 2023.

・She sang the OST 'Suzume' for the animated movie 'Suzume no Tojimari', 'Long Black Night' for K-Drama 'The Glory', 'Rewrite Me' for 'Where We Fall' and 'Blue' for 'The Killing Vote'

・Her fans are called 'Hirangies' which is a play on her representative animal called '호랑이' in Korean as well as her own name and '사랑' which means love.

... INTERESTS

・Her hobbies are traditional ink painting as well as photography and she enjoys leaning how to reform clothes from Hongjoong.

・Loves Studio Ghibli movies, her favorite being Grave of the Fireflies, and K-Dramas, her favorites being Death's Game, The Glory & My Name.

・Aside from the many groups whose fandoms she is a part of, there are quite a few soloists she tends to fangirl over, those being: Gemini, Penomeco, DPR Live, Han Seung Woo, Woodz, pH-1 and Zico. During her room tour in a recent live several albums of B.A.P could be seen resting on a shelf and she admitted to being a BABY whose bias is rapper/leader & soloist Bang Yongguk, whose albums were also spotted in her room. She calls herself a lucky fangirl as she has filmed the 'Bouncy' challenge with him as well as Woodz and Penomeco.

... HEALTH

・Was diagnosed with anxiety around 6 months following the group's debut, then a major depressive episode in the beginning of 2021.

・Had a large fear of being left alone while the members went somewhere else due to what happened to her parents - a lethal collision with a drunk driver.

・Has stress induced nightmares, though not as frequent as earlier in her career.

・Fractured her left ribs during a rehearsal for the first stage of 'Kingdom: Legendary War' in February of 2021, then again during the shooting of the 'Guerilla' music video in 2022.

・Since contracting COVID during the quarantine period she has had breathing problems which have permanently weakened her cardio and cause frequent needs for an oxygen mask especially when fatigued. The condition still remains unknown.

... MISCELLANEOUS

・Her favorite color is white because she feels like it is elegant, which is why she chose it as her microphone color.

・Her birth name means 'Sun' and her Korean name means 'Beautiful Summer' , chosen because the sun symbolizes hope

・The youngest of her brothers, Hanzo, is the National South Korean Soccer Team's captain and currently contracted with the PSG after leaving the Jeonbuk Hyundai Motors at the end of 2023

・When speaking quickly or passionately about something she tends to slip back into satoori (Daegu dialect)

・A palm reader stated that it was both her and Seonghwa's first life, which is why they approach things with such excitement.

・She can play the Koto (Japanese stringed instrument).

・The members tend to refer to her as '우리 Hime' which means 'Our Princess' using the Japanese word for the title and is also a play on words with Himari's shortened name.

・While other members claim that Halazia has one of the easiest choreographies, she finds it to be one of the hardest songs to perform as she has to sing background vocals through nearly the entire song while keeping up with the steps.

・Loves to cook but often tends to be careless when it comes to the amount of spice she puts in. In addition to this, she loves beef and hates any seafood that has a shell.

・Her ideal type is someone warm hearted with a sense of humor and who can accept her care when they need it.

#ateez 9th member #ateez au #ateez extra member #ateez female member #ateez imagines #kpop oc

[eldritchmochi]

more of mochis fit backlog 19/????

behold!!! the start of Quarantine Outfits. in march??? 2020, there was a quarantine coord challenge folks were doing for entertainment. i did a couple before getting bored BUT it did spur me on to wearing the most Extra outfits for working from home (yes i got better at taking pictures ignore the beacon of gondor up there in the corner)

bonnet: indie brand i am so sorry i Do Not remember it was french

skirt and belt chain: lady sloth spirit board

blouse: unique vintage

shoes: bordello

#mochi rambles #im a pretty princess #egl #egl fashion #egl ootd #gothic fashion #gothic ootd #GOTHGOTH #goth ootd #goth fashion #victorian goth #victorian gothic

[polysprachig]

tell us more about these projects! i’ve struggled to pick up languages again after an extended break and no time and a project-based approach seems very refreshing!

Apologies in advance for the long post. I do plan on making a more detailed post on this at a later point hopefully a video but I make no promises these days.

Important note!! Before you start any short- or long-term learning projects, begin a polyglot journal outlining your objectives and check in every two weeks with an extra detailed summary of what you’ve done, haven’t done, dislike, feel needs changing, etc. either once per quarter or 2x year. Your micro-goals, methods and timeline should shift over time, showing that you can reassess the project and try out new things to suit your needs. If you don't update on time it's nbd, but at least try to write a note in your planner or calendar about what you did when because it can be extremely helpful one year later when you try to revisit where you are now and how you got there. 🧿🤍

The main projects from 2019 to today include the following

Greek - Conversational Speaking, 2019

Goal: meet for casual 30-minute lessons with a teacher, 2 or 3x per week to build up conversational skills and high frequency grammar in use as a passive bilingual (it being the native language which I actively lost growing up for various reasons).

Reflection: The real studies were repetition in speech and looking up key vocabulary I would need to use to tell my teacher about what happened in the last week, and my teacher supplied me with additional vocabulary to help me be more specific. Now I have a record of that vocabulary which I can review whenever by topic/story. Plus my family did notice my drastic improvement and asked if I had been studying.

Irish - The Merlin Project (Quarantine Project), 2020-2022 (+ ongoing, needs new methodology because I met my aims a while back at this point)

Aim: Go from A2 to B1 by learning to write so that you can have the skills to be able to read longer texts

Challenge: Rewatch an episode from the last show that you watched and write down what you see in as much detail as possible, making sure to use a grammar point you’re currently studying in your writing. Look up new words to make the text more specific and add them to the description. Correct your text. Watch the same scene again and add more detail, as in the following:

(Basically: first: do a grammar practice, then: watch 30 seconds, write using that grammar, translate dialogue if you want, consult dictionary, write again incorporating the new words and/or make the sentences more complex, at the end: correct your text yourself or with a teacher, start again and repeat until the scene or full episode is complete or you've exhausted the usefulness of the exercise.)

Alternatively just write or translate fanfiction, but I don't say that here.

By self-correcting you should become very confident on the basic skills at your level, whereas the rewriting itself allows for varied attempts at forming sentences and vocabulary acquisition in a specific context.

FYI I posted the project itself along with the notes to my website (here) and intend to share the presentation on the experience I gave in the Gaeltacht this past August soon enough.

Multilingual, select Romance and Germanic languages - The Diana Project, 2022-present

Challenge: dive deep into the rhythm, melody and sound of certain languages (which relate to a poet I’m analysing) via a slow read of poetry and familiarisation with the poet, poet-translator and poet-actor

Components: read, write, translate and recite poetry on the subject of Greco-Roman tragedy (now its shifting to satire after 1+ year or so of tragic influences) from select eras and in select styles, ex. ottava rima, rhyming verse & simultaneously learn about the rhetoric of poetics that influenced these authors and their poems or translations

These writings I’m still adding to my website as part of a translation, recitation and poetry portfolio.

Most recently, I’ve started what I call the Secret Senecan Project which requires reading certain ancient and mediaevil texts on stories I’m familiar with in the original, identifying key words based on context then extrapolating the grammar from their features (declinations, location in reference to other word forms, etc.). The next step will be to compare these predictions with the bilingual translation and consult my grammar books in those languages to confirm or improve my predictions.

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading! I hope to polish this up and make the details more learner-friendly sometime before 2024. (:

#8-bitdyke #asks #polyglot things #sorry if this sounds nuts #slow learning #my polyglot studies

[agirlunfilteredsblog]

📚 SMART GIRL ACTVITIES

Hi girls! If you’re anything like me, you love learning new things. Here are some different activities I recommend to further your education beyond what we learn at school. Remember, there is NOTHING shameful in being educated. Especially as women, we are being pushed into this narrative that being smart is trying to be “masculine” or “trying too hard”.

📚 READING BOOKS THAT MATCH YOUR INTERESTS

In my opinion, reading becomes so much more interesting when it caters to our interests/hobbies. Before the quarantine in 2020, I absolutely despised reading. It was only when I started reading history/art history books that I realized I truly loved it. Obviously, I love romance books like any sane person, but if I’m being honest it’s more fueling my hopeless romantic rather than my brain!

📚 WATCHING DOCUMENTARIES

The best way to absorb content, for me anyways, is through a screen. I don’t know why, but it’s so much more entertaining and enjoyable. Therefore, I can pretty much watch any type of documentary and still take away/learn something new.

📚 LEARNING A NEW LANGUAGE

Honestly, this is my favorite thing to do. I grew up majorly speaking French, and although I did speak English fluently, I really spent 2 years or so perfecting it to the point where I no longer had an accent or made much error while writing (sometimes it happens though lol). The language I am currently learning is ASL and I find it fascinating!! However, if you’re trying to learn a spoken language, I do not recommend Duolingo…

📚 CHALLENGING YOUR BRAIN

There’s no better way to get smarter than to tackle your weak points. For me, it is anything regarding math or chemistry… It does not sit well with me no matter how hard I try, but I’ve made it a point to work on it, until I manage to grasp the main points of these subjects.

📚 VISITING MUSEUMS

Knowledge on the past is so important. It gives us an understanding on who we are and how we’ve evolved. There’s a common misconception that museums are exclusive to paintings and art, but that could not be further from the truth… There are museums for any different categories, it’s simply about finding the one that works for you best.

so much love,

a girl unfiltered 💋

#hot and educated #educate yourself #education #educate yourselves #smart girl #beauty and brains #girlblogging #girly blog #just girly thoughts #it girl #girls of tumblr #pinterest #feminism #study motivation #smart and pretty #learning #learnandgrow #learnsomethingneweveryday #lifestyle #wellness girl #wellness #books and reading #books #reading #new year 2024 #100 days of self discipline #pink blog #clean girl #goals #health and wellness

[theniftycat]

Chapter 1 of my original novel

Straight from the presses!

1,5k words.

Yakutsk is a city that's too lazy to pursue you. It's defined by its winter that lasts from October to April, the coldest winter that you can experience while living in a settlement called "a city". Yakutsk won't swallow you whole, it has nothing to entice you with. All it does is gradually chip away at your humanity, slowly freezing you whole, making sure that one day you will just lie down in the snow and give yourself away.

All people can do in Yakutsk is build walls. Add more and more layers, separate themselves from the outside world with stones and furs. They decorate their shelters, create spaces that feel alive even when nothing outside can survive. Each home is like an airtight cell decorated with fairy lights and fake flowers.

But if the walls aren't strong enough, the cold will get to you. A broken gas heater will kill you. A feeling of unease in winter will freeze you from the inside.

Our story isn't about Yakutsk in winter, it's about avoiding it.

***

Comfortable. That's what her life was. She had a small apartment with one bedroom, a kitchen, and a living room that she turned into a library full of books in Russian and English, and DVDs in the same languages.

It was the library where she spent most of her days now. Both her work and her hobbies took their places in it. She didn't mind, she even preferred working at home, it was easy to get used to. She wasn't looking forward to needing to go outside daily once the quarantine got lifted, dirty roads with uneven pavements and cold dry air didn't entice her. However, she missed seeing her students in the flesh, it was hard reading lectures via zoom and even giving them exams online. Them possibly cheating didn't bother her much, but she thought that a lot was missed because she couldn't see their full emotions and they couldn't see hers.

Being an English literature university professor in 2020 was both a challenge and a relief for her.

Now it was June and she was used to working from home. She wished she could go for a walk, the weather was amazing as it usually was in early June, but she didn't want to risk running into someone she knew, so she only went out to visit a nearby shop or the post office where she received new books every month. She'd order them after getting her salary. Not too many books these days, their prices grew each year and her salary didn't.

Marfa Alekseyevna, as most people called her, was 35. She had short black hair and wore black rimmed glasses. Her clothes were usually black or dark, she only wore skirts when she was required to. People found her unapproachable and she liked it that way. The only connections she fostered were with her favourite authors, mostly dead, and with her colleagues from various universities who she spoke to on Facebook and Twitter.

She was checking everything before tomorrow's exam when she heard her doorbell ring. Leaving her work and an unfinished cup of tea with cinnamon, she rushed towards the door and put on a mask.

"Who's there?" she asked without sounding very friendly.

"Hi! Marfa, it's me, Luka!" the voice from behind the door answered.

"Luka? Aren't you in Moscow?"

"Obviously, not! Open the door already!"

She opened the door. Her younger brother, a 27 year old tall Yakut man, was standing behind it, but he wasn't alone. Next to him was standing a young woman, seemingly Russian, with light hair and sad eyes that she was trying to hide behind a polite smile. She wasn't tall, there was nothing very special about her. Just a girl. And a guy next to her. Almost a perfect couple in how unremarkable they were.

"This is Vera, my fiancee! Vera, meet Marfa, one of my favourite people in the world! Almost a favourite sister of mine!" introduced them Luka in his usual tongue-in-cheek manner.

Vera nodded with an even politer smile and said:

"Nice to meet you."

Marfa wasn't smiling, she was doing her best not to frown.

"Likewise. Sorry, what? What do you mean, fiancee?"

"Didn't you study linguistics in university?" retorted Luka.

"This isn't funny. What do you think you're doing showing up here, without telling me you'd come, bringing a fiancee you never even told me about? I thought you were in Moscow! Why aren't you two even wearing masks?"

"Marfa! Let us in already!" Luka went inside and took Vera with him. "Won't you even give us some tea? I haven't seen you in ages!" he pulled Marfa towards him and hugged her.

"I didn't want to take off my mask, but--" Vera started.

"Look, we're not gonna give you covid, okay?"

Marfa sighed. She was glad to see Luka and wanted to know what it all meant, but talking on the threshold wasn't a good idea.

"Okay. Put on these slippers and go wash your hands. I'll put a kettle on."

Five minutes later Luka brought an office chair to the kitchen and sat down beside Vera. The kitchen only had two chairs, everything in the apartment screamed that guests weren't frequent here.

Marfa poured them all some tea and sat down at her normal place, the one that had a place-mat and condiments that were lined in front of it.

"So, what is going on?" she asked.

"We're getting married in August, so we came here, to do it with the family present, as it should be, and I'm going to live with our parents, but Vera has nowhere to stay, could you please let her stay here?"

"Excuse me? What?"

"I'd take her with me, but I need to prepare them to meet her, and she needs to self isolate for a couple of weeks, and you have a plenty of space, so it works!"

"Are you out of your mind? Do parents know about it? And what do you mean--"

"I told them I was coming home for summer, yeah! I missed our house, it's so nice in the summer. But I told you, I need to prepare them. It will take some time."

"Okay, Luka, I see that you're out of your mind. You're mad. What even is happening? Why are you here?"

"I told you! Vera will live with you for a couple of weeks!"

"Are there no hotels in Yakutsk? Was there a projectile meteor strike while I wasn't looking?"

"Are you mad this time? There's a quarantine! Living in a hotel is bloody miserable! She wouldn't be able to go outside and stuff! Besides, I'm trying to save money for the wedding, I don't wanna splurge thousands on a hotel. I mean, have you seen the prices for all-inclusive?"

"Does my home look like an all-inclusive hotel?"

"No, but I'd pay you! So, surely, you could arrange some bed and breakfast here. How does a thousand per day sound?"

Marfa thought for a second.

"Alright. And how long will she be here?"

"A couple of weeks at least. Maybe a bit more. Depends on how our parents will take it."

"Luka… I know that you're the youngest one. But you should at least try thinking sometimes. This isn't how things are done." Marfa shook her head. "Vera. Are you okay with that?"

Vera, who was looking at her cup and slowly eating a dry cookie, flinched a bit.

"Me? Yes, yes, it's absolutely fine by me."

"But you don't even know me, are you okay with living with me for at least two weeks?"

"Well, knowing your brother, I think we'll get on just fine!" her smile was almost convincingly hopeful.

"I… Hm… Luka, will you still pay me if she runs away?"

"Oh, she won't!" Luka laughed.

"I won't run away!" Vera also laughed.

"Don't you scare her away, alright, Marfa?" Luka said wagging his finger.

"I don't think it will be necessary…" said Marfa thinking that whatever their relationship was, it would never work. She found Vera more and more suspicious because of how subdued her reactions to everything were.

"I won't run away," repeated Vera without any particular emotion.

"Okay, will you send me a selfie from here with a news site front-page every morning?" asked Luka and kissed her on the cheek. He tried to pass it off as a joke, but something was off.

"I will!"

"And that's when I'll send you another crisp one, deal, Marfa?"

"I wish I was dealing with adults…" Marfa couldn't find a reason to refuse them. They already broke her quarantine and a thousand a day sounded very well. Maybe she'd have a chance to get to know Vera better and see if their relationship really was something substantial. If it wasn't, well, there was a chance to end the entire charade. "Okay. Deal."

"I'll go fetch her bags and some groceries I got for you two!" said Luka while shaking Marfa's hand, and then he left.

-----------------------------------------------

I'll be using British and American words interchangeably, because I'm neither.

Tagging people who showed interest:

@general-sleepy

@icryyoumercy

@gowan43

@simuran

@skyborneveggie

@andorianimpostor

@mzannthropik

@jackymedan

@aziraphalesangel

If you want to be tagged in the next chapter, interact with this post in any way!

#theniftycat's novel

[iisasarcasticlittleshite]

You perfect, me yours (Bokuto x Fem!Reader)

'Bo, baby, sit still.'

'I can't! You look so cute with your hair in that lil' towel hat!'

(Y/N) made a face at her boyfriend, hand stopped on its way to the socket, in the process of plugging in the hairdryer.

The year is 2020, and Bokuto's hair is in sore need of attention. Luckily for him, his girlfriend is avid at watching Youtube tutorials and figuring stuff out. She's done his hair successfully twice now, and at this point, her biggest challenge is her teddy bear of a boyfriend.

'Baby, we've been over this, you can fanboy over my cuteness when I'm not responsible for your hair for the next month and a half.'

'Sorry, can't turn off how cute you are, and I can't turn off how much I love you!' He beamed boyishly, and (Y/N) can't restrain the urge to kiss him gently before going back to what she's doing.

Bo's hair is a serious undertaking, between dying in the salt and pepper look he always goes for and styling it, requires (Y/N)'s full and absolute attention for several hours.

Thankfully, Bo's used to sitting for stylists and manages to daydream through most of it, messing with his phone while she goes about her business.

He sneaks pictures of her all the time, pouting, frowning, smiling when things come out just right. He may never let anyone else touch his hair again.

No matter how much she complains that it takes forever, she always puts everything into making it perfect, and there's something so comforting about walking around with hair his girlfriend did.

These days, she's the only person outside of the Jackals that he's allowed to see in the flesh, and he thanks the stars every day that she moved in the month before quarantine was enforced.

Bokuto will never get tired of coming in to find her somewhere in the house, just being herself. Be it vegetating on the couch with a warm drink, sitting at the desk on her laptop, or in the kitchen trying out one new recipe or another.

The state of the world is far from ideal, but all things considered, he's a pretty lucky guy.

'Okay, you're all done.'

He looks up to find her smiling in satisfaction. One glance at his hair, and he knows she's nailed it again, so spins around, and buries his face in her chest, smattering kisses to any bare skin he can reach along her jaw.

'It's perfect baby, just like you!'

(Y/N) giggles as his kisses tickle her sensitive skin. 'No, you perfect. I'm the help.'

Bokuto pouted, squeezing her waist as he objected mightily. 'You, perfect. Me, yours.'

(Y/N) almost cried, those big owlish eyes shining up at her, determined and loving, with his warm arms wrapped snug around her and full lips pouting, her heart swells in her chest until it hurts to breathe.

'Mine.'

#haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x fem reader #bokuto koutaro x reader #bokuto fluff #teeth rotting fluff #oh it's so cute it hurts #haikyuu #fluff #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu fluff #x reader #also on ao3

[foibles-fables]

talanah: the case of the omitted hfw companion

soooo @meg-noel-art and I have finally connected the dots we haven't connected shit re: Talanah's conspicuously short and choppy quest line, along with her overall unsatisfying departure from the game (in lieu of joining the base team). We now hold with 99.9999% confidence that Talanah was fully intended to be included a member of the base, either with a different ending to her quest line, or a different quest line altogether.

As we all know, the early (earliest!!!) promo--the GG Instagram splash posted in tandem with the 2020 HFW Announcement trailer--featured her in exclusivity as a returning character. While this official promo art has since been retconned, it still appears on the inside of the steelbook case with the special preorder additions, as well as on a bunch of GG's official ad material (the Twitch stream header, for example). Her comic was also being released at the same time as all of these dealings, culminating in one final confirmatory line: Talanah's story will continue in Horizon Forbidden West.

Now. I won't get into how I do or do not view any of the returning characters' stories as...real or satisfying continuations in HFW. But it's pretty objective to say that Talanah's was decidedly Not. Without even diving once again into the characterization issues (of which there are plentymorethanseveral), both of her quests give us nothing more than a recap of the comic. Seriously, every dialogue wheel we get with her and with Amadis provides a summary of what happened in The Sunhawk. Nothing new learned, no growth made. Story Not Continued, Same Story Rehashed. It's conspicuously not what we were promised, and not what (IMO) GG knew the fans wanted. I think that's pretty clear, regardless of your view on anything related to her character.

So, what the hell happened? Why was this the product were were given?

Easy: it wasn't at all the product that was intended in early baseline development.

There's a pretty glaring complication re: Talanah's integration into HFW--Freya Parker (her hilarious and lovely VA, seriously go check her out) began shooting Jurassic World: Dominion in February/March 2020. And uhhh we all know what was going on right around then, lmao. So not only does this become a scheduling issue, but a quarantine issue as well. Actor travel during projects was likely a huge ordeal, and Freya's actual studio time was probably vastly limited. Combine these challenges with an already-bloated cast load, and...it becomes pretty obvious which character needed to have their role diminished by degrees. Freya can't get to the studio and dedicate much time--we don't get a Carja base member.

One can pick up hints of this around the base. How almost every character (even new bloods Zo and Kotallo) bring her up at length in the "Companions" speech option, even if they're never mocapped in the same room. The item left at the base, when no other non-members get that treatment. How every single thing about her quest's epilogue and beyond reads like a huge "sorry sorry sorry we're sorry" from the devs ("until next time," "I wish she could have stayed," etc.). It's a consolation for what they had intended--fuller tribal representation, balance among the new and old cast members, a true continuation of Talanah's story.

So what does this mean? Well, yeah, it means that I'm still disappointed and that it's still okay to be disappointed. But having a more rational explanation beyond "this was probably the plan the whole time :))))) she's really not THAT important after all just accept your dinner :)))) oh look the writers forgot about her :))))) i ordered you a new clown nose :)))))" makes me feel a whole lot more optimistic for her potentially having a bigger comeback role in HZ3. We must stay focused, brothers. Shoutout Freya Parker.

#honks my big stupid red nose as loudly as I can #i am seated in front of a whiteboard chewing on my hands #horizon forbidden west #talanah khane padish #rolling in the deep.mp3 #mildly hfw critical???? #nobody touch me im unstable

[floralcyanide]

The Extra || Austin Butler x OC

Chapter Eight

Pairing: Austin Butler x OC

Warnings: mentions of past innuendo, mentions of sex, nightmares.

Word Count: 2824

>> hellooo welcome to chapter eight! I know I keep leaving you all with cliffhangers but this chapter is pretty tame. please let me know if you enjoy it! (:

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Add yourself to the taglist HERE

March 2020

I have been holed up in an apartment for weeks without being able to leave. I’ve been stuck in a relationship where I wasn’t held to an acceptable standard. I have been through the wringer with my ex, trying to figure out how to get out of the tense situation without ruining our new friendship, if you’d call it that. I got through all of those things. But I had never felt so stuck before in my entire life until Austin told me that an entire movie, a person’s life story, and the hope of fans worldwide now fell on me. And I don’t know if that’s something I can get to the other side of. Apparently, I look enough like Priscilla to be her character and have enough acting experience. Besides, desperate times call for desperate measures, and if an extra has to be used in the main cast, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. But it felt like it was the end to me.

Baz decided that everything we have filmed so far will be refilmed after the six months are up. Not just because I was recast, but because he felt it would be better that way. I have to stay with Austin during these six months because I have to gain chemistry with him or instead gain chemistry back. Whatever we have going on right now isn’t a good kind of chemistry to work with, so we have to fix that. Also, I can’t really go home anyway. Everyone has been told that wherever you are right now, you should probably stay if possible. The virus has become too dangerous. I broke the lease to my apartment and had everything I brought with me here transferred to Austin’s condo, thanks to Tyler. He’s slightly upset that we can’t have movie nights anymore in each other’s apartments, but he understands completely. Jess is feeling better. Luckily, their coronavirus case wasn’t extreme, and they don’t have any long-term side effects.

Dacre and I are still friends; we’ve actually grown closer since quarantine. Sometimes it makes Austin feel weird, but he isn’t as jealous as he used to be. Luke and Dacre forgave Austin for his unhinged comment. But they made sure to tell him that even though they were cool, they would physically harm him if he hurt me again. Tom checked up on us every other day until he and his wife got the virus. His case is really bad, and everyone is very worried about him. On the bright side, Olivia has gotten a little better and has been really supportive of me replacing her part. I still feel like I’m betraying her in a way, but she has assured me that I could absolutely do this- that I’m capable of playing Priscilla. Even Priscilla herself has reached out to me to tell me that based on what everyone has been telling her, she was pleased to “have a great woman” like me to play her. That alone was enough to wake me up. I need to play this part whether I like it or not. Whether I want to be famous or not.

It’s been a struggle for the last two weeks. I had to make sure to tell Austin that I wasn’t mad at him and I didn’t hate him. And that if I was distant, I just had a lot to think about. I had to think about how I would play a serious, life-changing role as an actress with little prior experience. I really, really had to think about how to go about living with Austin again now that we had to forcefully. I also had to think about our relationship, whether it was romantic or platonic. Our characters are romantically involved, so we have to work on our dynamic. We can’t fight anymore or let anything come between us while filming, or else it would be challenging to maintain chemistry. Apparently, there’s an on-screen kiss that we have to prepare for, too. I don’t know how ready for that Austin or I will be, but I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

I have decided to wait until Austin and I get out of this weird patch before thinking any harder about pursuing our relationship again. I don’t want the foundation of our rekindled relationship to be built on any hesitance or negative emotion. I told him I’d think about it, and I have, but I won’t think on it more than I have to until it’s necessary. Luckily, I think we’re beginning to move out of the awkward phase anyway. It shouldn’t be long before we’re entirely out of it.

It’s a Friday night, not that the day of the week matters anymore at this point, and Austin and I are on the couch. We’re watching our favorite show we used to binge when we were together, and for a moment, it almost seems like old times. Today was our last chill day before we needed to start working on our lines and execution. I plan on starting Priscilla’s book soon to gain more insight into her as a person. I’m not able to call her at any given time, much less see her in person, so at least I have some primary sources to gain perspective from. Austin has a plethora of sources for information on Elvis, so he has a lot to take from. I’ve been helping Austin practice maintaining his voice and accent when he wasn’t Zooming with a coach. My thoughts are interrupted when I notice what’s happening on the TV.

“I still can’t believe they killed him off like that,” I frown at one of my characters dying a painful death, even if it’s the tenth time I’ve watched the scene.

“Remember the first time we watched it happen? There’s nothing more painful than seeing it for the first time,” Austin shakes his head at the memory. We were both in hysterics the first time we watched this particular scene, to put it lightly.

“God, I know. It still hurts but not quite as bad,” I shrug, digging into the bag of hot chips I had on my side of the couch.

Austin eyeballs the bag for a moment before turning his eyes back to the TV screen, “You still eat those?” he asks.

“Yep. Sure do,” I say, popping a chip into my mouth.

“I don’t see how you have a stomach lining left,” Austin snorts as he chews on a Sour Patch Kid.

“I don’t see how you don’t have sores in your mouth,” I chide, motioning to the yellow bag of sour candy.

“Good point,” Austin shrugs. 

His previously black-dyed hair is starting to fade into a weird shade of brown. He hasn’t bothered redying it since no one will see it. I thought the dark hair was a good look on him, in all honesty, but I’m partial to blonde-haired Austin. Especially when his hair was long and blonde. I would braid it sometimes when he’d let me. 

“What are you thinking about?” Austin pipes up from next to me.

I shake my head, readjusting to real life after being deep in thought, “Nothing. Just thinking of old times.”

“Old times, huh?” Austin nods in acknowledgment, “How old?”

“As old as your long hair,” I giggle, almost wanting to reach out and touch the fading hair.

“I miss it sometimes,” Austin says, glancing over at me, “Especially when you’d braid it.”

“You only let me do that a few times, though. But I loved doing it,” I say with a smile.

“I never told you, but it felt really nice. I liked when you played with my hair,” Austin says, toying nervously with a Sour Patch Kid between his fingers.

“Trust me, I know. I know a lot of stuff you didn’t tell me,” I scoff, “Like when you’d secretly use some of my conditioner.”

Austin turns to me and looks a tad shocked, “How’d you know?”

“Austin, I could smell it on you. Did you think I wouldn’t know what my conditioner smells like?” I laugh, no longer paying full attention to the TV.

“Good point,” he sighs, and he looks as if he’s going to say something else but brushes it off.

“What?” I ask curiously.

“It’s nothing,” Austin swats his hand, “Just a silly question.”

“I love silly questions,” I narrow my eyes suspiciously at him.

“It’s kind of embarrassing,” he mumbles.

“Just tell me,” I roll my eyes, “You’re not one to keep something in if it’s bothering you.”

Austin looks at me and sighs because he knows I’m right. His face starts blushing a little as he figures out how to say whatever he’s going to say.

“I was gonna ask if you’d play with my hair. I know that’s weird,” he says defensively, “But it grounds me. And I’m too wired to sleep.”

My heart flutters a little at his sheepishness, “You could’ve just straight up asked me, Aus. I’m not gonna bite your head off.”

“I wouldn’t put it past you anymore,” Austin jokes.

“Whatever,” I shove his shoulder, patting my lap, “Lay down.”

He readjusts his sitting position to lay down properly before resting his head on my thighs. I almost instinctively reach my hand out to run it through his hair as if it hasn’t been a long time since I’ve done it. I guess it’s true that old habits die hard. Playing with Austin’s hair was the second thing he liked to do with me, the first being kissing. I see him letting me play with his hair as a step forward out of the fog we’ve been in. The kissing is obviously something he struggles with, but I’m not pushy. I took the hint when he didn’t kiss me when we had sex. Austin thought of kissing as being the most intimate thing a couple could share besides sex. He would do it any chance he got, even if it was in public. Austin couldn't get enough. Even if it’s such a sacred action for him, he didn’t waste time worrying about his surroundings or how PDA looked to others. It was as simple as holding hands and as intimate as sex. So, for now, running my fingers through his hair was enough for both of us.

Tonight would be the first night I would have a nightmare. In the nightmare, I’m plastered on every magazine and website, being labeled and scrutinized. It’s something I always made sure to stay away from in consciousness, but now I no longer could. The feeling of anxiety that I’ve been pushing down was beginning to present itself in my dreams. I make a lot of noise when I have nightmares and thrash around a lot, so when I’m awoken by a very concerned Austin, I’m not surprised. I’m more or so relieved that the nightmare is over than worried that he’s in my room.

“Are you okay?” Austin asks, out of breath from running in here to make sure I didn’t hurt myself by accident.

“Yeah,” I sit up, pressing my palm to my clammy forehead, “Just a bad dream is all.”

“You were yelling for a second, and I got worried,” Austin says quietly as he sits on the edge of the bed.

“Was I?” I furrow my eyebrows, trying to recall when I could’ve shouted, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. Do you wanna talk about it?” Austin asks.

I shake my head, “No, it’s fine. Do you mind…” I trail off, wrapping my arms around myself. I try to figure out how to carefully word what I’m about to ask.

Austin misunderstands what I’m saying and gets up from the bed and heads to the door, but I blurt out my question before he can get one foot through the opening.

“Do you mind staying?” I blurt out, my face burning at my vulnerability. 

It was hell the first time I had a nightmare after Austin and I split up. I couldn’t go back to sleep that night since I was so used to someone holding me until I relaxed. I had several nightmares about leaving Austin after we broke up, and every time was a struggle. I never really learned how to come down from the adrenaline by myself. I would stay awake until I had to be up the following day.

“Oh,” Austin mutters, “I don’t mind.”

I move over in the bed so he has enough room to slide in next to me. This is the first time Austin has held me since I left him. I wouldn’t consider his very brief period of having me on his chest after we had sex to be cuddling of any form. I’m a little nervous about having him so close to me without the sexual tension. It’s so intimate to have someone hold you and sleep next to you, but I think I’m ready for that. Austin lays down behind me before cautiously draping an arm over my side. I pushed my back against his chest, letting him know it was okay to touch me. He then wraps both arms around my waist protectively.

“Is this okay?” Austin whispers in my ear.

“This is okay,” I whisper back. 

He relaxes into the embrace, tucking my head under his chin as I let my eyes close. I finally go back to sleep. The next morning, I wake up still in Austin’s arms. While I’m sure he’s still asleep, I take his right hand and play with his fingers absentmindedly. After a few minutes, I hear a scoff in my ear. Austin buries his nose into my neck before he speaks.

“Still in love with my hands, I see?” he chuckles against my skin.

I don’t respond but instead flatten my hand against his, holding it up to show the difference in size. Austin slips his fingers through mine, grasping my hand in his tightly before pulling it to him. He pulls his face from my neck and kisses my hand softly before laying our intertwined fingers back down on the mattress. I realized that I no longer had anything to think about now; we were out of whatever phase we were in upon meeting again. 

“I think I’m ready,” I say out loud without a shred of context.

“For what?” Austin asks, his voice still deep from sleep.

“I’ve had enough time to think about things,” I say, pulling his arm off of me so I can turn over to face him.

Now that it’s not dark in here, I can see Austin came in here straight from bed because he has on no shirt. His hair is slightly disheveled, and his eyes are still hooded from sleep. But Austin still has his full attention on me now that I’m turned in his direction. A look of realization comes across his face, but he waits for me to continue.

“I want to be with you again,” I say, looking into Austin’s eye carefully, trying to gauge his reaction, “But you have to promise me something.”

“What is that?” the corners of Austin’s lips twitch like he wants to smile.

“If you are ever bothered by something, tell me about it before letting it bother you too much or letting it eat you alive. You’ve never had a problem with that until now,” I say.

“I think I keep things in because the last time I said what was on my mind, you left,” Austin says, “It’s not your fault about how I feel, of course. But it’s just something I have to get over. Especially since you aren’t gone anymore.”

I nod understandingly, “Well, I’m not going anywhere. It’s not like I can either way,” I joke, “But I still wouldn’t want to.”

Austin puts a gentle hand on my cheek, almost testing my reaction to his touch. When I don’t pull away, he then places his other hand on my face, holding it still. His eyes flicker down to my lips and then back up to my eyes.

“Can I kiss you, Ro?” Austin asks just above a whisper, his tone uncertain.

“Only if you’re okay with that,” I say reassuringly, not looking away from him.

“I am,” Austin says, pressing his forehead against mine, “but are you?”

“Yes, I’m okay with it,” I hold back a nervous giggle, “You can kiss me.”

Slowly, Austin pulls my jaw forward and connects his lips to mine in a simple kiss. I grab onto his face, deepening it a little more as I turn my head to the side. It’s so familiar- the pressure of his stupidly soft lips against mine. It makes me almost want to kick myself for ever letting him go. But the past is past. And now I’m ready to move forward with Austin like time hasn’t been lost.

taglist: @cozacorner @onxlymnsn @anangelwhodidntfall @butlersluvbot @jolovesfandoms @austinbutler17 @slutforblueeyes @misspygmypie @mamaspresley @mirandastuckinthe80s @bobbykennedyfan @sodonebruh @lizzymizzy-blogg @defnotreadingfanfics12 @izzvoid @homebodybirkin2003 @kaycinema @thatonemoviefan @sarachacha @kittenlittle24 @alltheflowerstomav @tubble-wubble @annamarie16 @adoreyouusugar @csmt-m @apparently-sunshine @amiets2 @emchickynuggies @mrs-butler @mesbouquins @ari-nicole @xmusse @austin-butlers-gf @feral4austinbutler @inlovewithchrisevans @shynovelist @mommy-maia @popeheywardssecretgf @Venxfinn3 @westwoodcoast

#austin butler #austin butler x oc #austin butler fanfiction #austin butler fanfic #austin butler fic #austin butler imagine #austin butler x reader #elvis #elvis movie #elvis 2022 #elvis (2022) #elvis biopic #austin butler elvis #elvis film #the extra fanfic #floralcyanide writes

[maximumwobblerbanditdonut]

It’s interesting to hear from GMcT, that Sam's trip to New Zealand was a “well-deserved” holiday, but he forgot to mention that this trip was when the country was closed to foreigners, due to the Covid-19 pandemic and the Omicron outbreak 😷 and the country was at red alert level 🚨

This decision was not a challenge because SH likes to travel and have a great time. But New Zealand's priority was "to have a tighter border." The country's borders were closed in March 2020 and did not open to travellers until July 31, 2022, with limitations on travellers' exposure to each other. SH flew to New Zealand in January 2022 and went straight into managed isolation and quarantine (MIQ) only New Zealanders had the right to return to their country.

I think this trip to New Zealand “did not fulfil its purpose”: to show the Scottish influence still visible throughout the country, that was MiK2’s purpose and not an adventurous summer holiday in New Zealand with stunning landscapes and exciting activities.

SH discovered how wonderful it is to be a child again and his obsession with eternal childhood (like Peter Pan) and the fun that entails, thanks to STARZ. So, what will be the next MiK3 trip…..to the mythical island of “Neverland”?💁‍♀️

[twinkodium]

i started writing on this ask today before work but didn’t have time to send it off before i started….. so it’s a bit messy and it’s about a couple random posts you’ve reblogged today, good luck figuring out what posts im referring to shdjdhdjdj

the lil arthur tags on the gifs of charles 🥺 you didn’t ask but i’ve been in *such* an arthur mood recently… esp have been thinking a lot about his voice 🫶 and how him and charles sound pretty much identical at times 🫶 extra in love with arthur speaking french waaaaaa that video of him being angry at charles in french while streaming…….. lives in my head rent free

the hands on the waist is insane. just like the hand on the bicep. w o w. it’s not like it’s the first time but ?? 😵 also the way i didn’t say anything about his ass but… 👀 (love it so so so much)

pleaseeee podium in special suit and helmet and sweaty oscar and- the only thing that could’ve made it even better is if he hadn’t cut his hair 🫣

i’m sorry but im going crazy… yoUR TAGS ON THE POOL POST?? HELLO??? DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME??????? INSANEEEE it should be illegal to put those thoughts in my head! esp when they’re so good i might cry!! i’m gonna try to not get too worked up about it but….

(^ me rn)

yet again, this has turned into a novel 😶 i apologize, sweet dreams tonight love <3

Jackie, honey hellooo 🥹🥹

Ugh work is ruining our lives big time… I couldn’t enjoy the content today fully because I was at work when all them were dropped 😭

I figured out in 2020 during quarantine that they sound exactly the same if they both use their thick accents 😩 I remember Lando being confused of which one of them were talking all the time 😭 Arthur is just a clone of Charles. Same voice, same chaotic energy, no braincells, competitive in challenge videos yet always end up losing 🫣🫣 no I love Arthur but my bestie tagged me on a video I wished I’ve never seen because now if I think about Arthur that video just appears in my mind and NOPE!! Which video?? I can’t recall seeing that one 😭 send it over pls 🥺

HANDS ON EVERYTHING preferably on my neck but only happens in my imagination… sad times 🥴 PLS YOU CANT BE SILENT ABOUT THAT JUICY FINE ASS 😩😩 and the way he tilts his hip like that to have it in our faces is a war crime 😩😩 cuz we can only look and not touch 😠

Special livery, special helmet, black suits, will be a mental and physical race so they’ll be sweating like crazy 😮‍💨😮‍💨and if he ends up on the podium looking like that I’ll never shut up about it 🫠🫠 hair is okay tho and with him being sweaty it won’t make any difference 🤭🤭

OMG, I love how everyone is losing their minds reading my tags 🤭🤭🤭 sorry not sorry, woke up after a nice nap and ideas hit me hard after coming across the pic 😩😩 SUCH A BIG COMPLEMENT FROM YOU OMG I MIGHT CRY NOW 😭😭😭 all of your reactions make me think that I might should write it but like brainstorming and plotting is easy but actually writing the whole piece gives me a hard time always when I’m about to write something 😭 especially knowing myself and love for details it’d be longer than 10K+ words 🫣🫣🫣 I DUNNO I MIGHT GIVE IT A TRY 😏😏

Love you reaction🥹🥹 you’re so sweet 🥺🥺 ily

no worries baby, you can rant as long as you want 🥰 I’m here for all the chaotic asks you’re sending to me 🫶🏼 sweet dreams love 🥰🥰

#asks #jackie 🧡 #buttercup 🥰 #Oscar #Arthur #Charles #daily discussion with Jackie about Oscar 🥰 #about the tags I really appreciate how many people liked it and actually reached out to say it 🥹🥹 #I felt loved and appreciated I rare feel nowadays so 🥺 thank you #I might give it a go and try to write it for you guys 🫣

[threeletterslife]

Hii! It's me again. I was curious how you came up with this? Was the whole series your idea or someone elses, or mabye where you found your inspo and such. And when you started writing it, did you come up with all the plots and stories yourself and did you have doubts on it? OH and also how did you come up with all these characters and fantasy like places and stories and names?You're welcome to answer or just ignore tho. Whatever is nice for you! 💓

wellllll this is quite a long story, so buckle up!

i consistently write a journal documenting my journey with lod, so i will be copy-pasting excerpts here. i am planning to post the entire journal once lod is finished (right now, it is 37+ pages, but it'll definitely be much longer lol. not sure if people would even read the full thing, though.) FYI: below the keeping reading line, words in red omits spoilers (aka the chapers i haven't posted yet) and words in green are commentary (since i wrote this journal a couple years ago)

tl;dr: i was bored in quarantine and had a lot of motivation, so i came up with lod. the entire series was my idea, but i found inspiration from other fantasy/magic series. i did have doubts when it came to plotting, but i had a couple of friends who proofread. coming up with everything was definitely a process—i explain it in detail below:

1. HOW IT ALL STARTED

November 1st, 2020, Sunday was the day I created the first LOD-related Google Doc. I remember for the longest time, I wanted to write an ultra-long series. I had no idea what this series would consist of—the only thing I did know is that I wanted it to be a slow burn. Of course, I began dabbling with the idea of the internet’s most beloved trope: enemies to lovers. I realized that I don’t exactly have much of an interest in developing a story based on modern-day happenings. If this series was going to be long, I wanted to go all-in—that is, I wanted to play around with some extensive world-building. Though I admit I have some experience in world-building, I say this with a grain of salt because I’ve never actually expanded upon my new universes. (Most of my world-building work has been through the Society Series, which included seven stories that ranged from 2k-29k words. And 2k-29k words are barely anything compared to the long series I wanted to write.) So I took on this challenge of creating an entirely new world with new nations and cultures and people.

Except I didn’t know where to start. I think I found it the easiest to figure out who I wanted to write. I definitely wanted to write a somewhat angsty relationship (definitely something on the lines of enemies to lovers). So I knew my main characters had to have a lot of spunk to them. I still wasn’t so sure about the setting, until I realized how interesting it would be to write a story about a war. I’ve never quite done that before. I accepted the challenge. And with this setting in mind, I began to piece together my characters. I typed out a quick: general!yg (26) and general!yn (23) into the Google Doc. It was actually smooth sailing from there.

1.1 Castings, Genres and Plotting

I created two nations: Solaria and Darlae and then split them up as the elemental magic group and traditional “wand” magic group. I wasn’t so sure how to build upon the magic, though. I decided to leave that problem up for the future me. Meanwhile, I assigned Yoongi the role of the cynical, cold yet somehow gentle Solarian General. Of course, to add some *spice*, I cast our OC as the kindhearted, passionate Darlaean General. I took a lot of inspiration from Avatar: The Last Airbender and the Harry Potter franchise but ultimately decided that I’d create my very own system of magic (somewhere along the line). I did know that the Solarians would control the elements and the Darlaeans would use what I later called their birthstones to do their own form of magic. But other than that, I literally let alone the magic. I figured I’d begin to create the magical guidelines when I felt more comfortable with the other parts of the story.

From November 1st to the 7th 2020, I plotted every day. But these were very general plot points—mostly to map out where the story would go. I came up with an introduction that I felt was a good hook, and from there, I focused a lot on moving the plot along. It’s a little problematic considering I didn’t exactly flesh out my characters yet, but I thought it would be better to just word vomit than stay stagnant. I realized I could tweak the plot a little (or a lot) after I got my ideas out. So then, I made the whole storyline of OC’s lost memory, Yoongi being suspicious of her, her feeling a little lost in Solaria, then her assimilating and gaining Yoongi’s undevoted trust. The plot was very much centered around her and the Solarian General. I remember being stuck at a particular plot point, however. It was after the fact that OC went into battle and got “captured” by the Darlaeans. I knew she’d meet her past lover (Jungkook) and it’d be a whole angst parade. But there were a few complications that are plot spoilers of the latter half of the second act, plus acts III and IV, so I will not share them for now. Just know that it wasn't until January 2nd to 14th of 2021 that I finally configured the ending of LOD

1.2 Creating the Title

I also came up with the title on January 10th. I had some possible choices too: ​​Forgotten Memories, Lost Memories, The Legends of Two Kingdoms, Legends of Magic, Legends of Darlaria. At first, I really wanted to incorporate the motif of memory in the title. [Reasons are redacted.] But then I started brainstorming some ideas and realized putting ‘memory’ in the title sounds cheap/an attempt to sound overly deep. I didn’t like it. So I realized I could branch off and talk about the nations. The Legends of Two Kingdoms gave me Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities vibes and I was not there for that. Legends of Magic sounded straight-up stupid. But then came Legends of Darlaria. It clicked. I was so happy with that and it stuck like glue.

1.3 Fleshing the Plot Out

1.3.1 Creating the Acts

January 12th, 8:38 AM, I copy-pasted my plot doc into a new doc specifically for chapter divisions. By 8:46 AM, I had created three acts. Act I is OC’s time spent in Solaria. Act II encompasses the entirety of OC’s stay in Darlae. Act III is the ending. I didn’t flesh out any of the chapters/parts. In fact, I spent the next several days splitting my story into parts. And by January 26th, I had all 65 parts basically fleshed out (plus the epilogue). It ended up being 57 pages, 33 more than my original 24.

January 16th, I first came up with the idea of having four acts instead of my original three. I felt like if I stayed with three acts, act II would be unnecessarily long. [Redacted discussions about acts III and IV].

1.3.2 Major Creations and Edits

From then on, I worked on my chapter divisions doc sporadically. I skipped the whole month of February. Then, I only worked on it twice around the end of March. I remember this was because I was losing a lot of motivation for Legends of Darlaria. I had completed a lot in a pretty short amount of time: creating a title, creating functioning characters, creating a 65-page plotline, etc. It was safe to say that I was (a) getting tired of it (b) realizing my ideas weren’t so great as I had originally thought they were. It also might have had a lot to do with college decisions and online school burnout. I remember I was just tired all the time—even though I was getting more than enough rest. Legends of Darlaria felt so… bland. Every arc I had, I felt like it had been done before, and there was nothing really special about my characters either. In fact, I started to worry that they were really, really starting to look like Mary Sues (especially the OC). 

But I got ahold of myself and began working again, picking up momentum. I entered the chapter division document (my main doc) on April 19th, ready to get back on track. I remember, I felt kind of lost, then. I wasn’t sure if I should add any more details to the plot or whether I should even take parts of the plot out. I felt like to change one little detail, I had to change a billion other things. So in the month of April, I remember obsessively reading over the document and editing every little piece of dialogue, sentence, plot point. I even built upon my characters. On April 19-22, I gave them zodiac signs, IQs and their place of birth. Zodiac signs were easy. For OC, her stubborn nature and willingness to stay grounded made her a Taurus, which is perfect considering that she has an April birthday (in order to have the diamond birthstone). I didn’t plan for that to happen, but it did happen to work out. Yoongi’s an obvious Aries; head on his shoulders, also stubborn and pretty tough (redacted information). I always imagined Jungkook as a Virgo (which he is in real life). On April 20th, I created the five sectors of Solaria—literally on a whim. Each element would get its own sector and there would be a heterogeneous capital sector. Coming up with the names for that was so fun. I basically looked up “names that mean [insert element]” and created my own variations from what I found on the internet. Needless to say, the names did not disappoint. (I’m usually shit at coming up with fantastical names, so this was an improvement on my part.) This was how I was able to figure out that Yoongi’s birthplace is Aithne; OC and Jungkook are both from Darlae, a huge kingdom with no separate cities/sectors [that obviously got changed later LOL]. Figuring out their IQs was a roller coaster ride [even though honestly it shouldn't even have been a huge deal since IQ doesn't define intelligence whatsoever]. In the beginning, I gave OC the highest IQ of 133. Jungkook had the lowest of 127 and Yoongi had a 131. But I thought about those numbers for a long, long time. (The funny thing is, IQ is not even remotely important to the story, so I have no idea why I was fretting so much about it.) But two days later on April 24th, I edited the IQs. Jungkook now had the highest of 131. Yoongi had the lowest of 127, and OC had 130. I remember realizing that I didn’t want the nations’ militant leaders to be too above average; that’s not how usually the military works. But I did want their IQs to be a little higher than average, too—because let’s face it—these characters do some smart shit in the story. But I ended up bumping Yoongi down the IQ ladder (for reasons that are purely intuitive; I can’t explain them with words). Jungkook went up (because I realized he’s one of my most intelligent characters), and OC is just right behind him.

1.3.3 Art & the Quest of Smut

No one asked for this, so I will be omitting this excerpt LOL.

1.3.4 An Obscene Number of Things to Fix

April 27th, I fleshed out the five sectors of Solaria, creating their relative sizes and different ecological biomes. (I literally remember researching the different biomes during my math class—it was a nice bio review!) I also realized I needed to take the initiative on my still ever-so-present dilemma that Legends of Darlaria felt bland. I was ruminating about the reason it could come off as bland for months. But I finally got somewhat of an answer. It was definitely because there was too much focus on the main characters; the side characters didn’t get the time of day! I also thought that the main characters’ flaws were not well-portrayed enough in the plot. So, I came up with a list called ‘THINGS TO FIX.’ It consisted of 10 bullet points: (1) yn’s not good with kids, (2) [HUGE FUCKING SPOILER], (3) [another spoiler LOL], (4) the ending drags on too much, (5) [semi-spoiler but omitting just in case], (6) sprinkle in stuff about sectors, (7) [more spoilers bruh], (8) add seokjin to the flashbacks, (9) add more female OCs, (10) figure out dates/times

(1) OC gets to meet children in chapter 5 where she voyages to the capital with her General. But I realized, it doesn’t make much sense for OC to be a kid-person. Even when she was young, she was mature for her age, and she had to grow up quickly due to the death of her mother [changed this to her parents' neglect instead]. She never got a chance to be a child. So it would make sense for her to be awkward around children. She doesn’t know how to treat those mini-adults!

(2) Nope

(3) Also nope

(4) Semi-spoiling the ending, so will take out just in case

(5) Also a semi-spoiler...

(6) I just created the different sectors, so I realized that now has to be integrated into the story.

(7) Oops also a spoiler

(8) Seokjin is a character we barely see in the whole story, which sucks because his character has so much potential. Even though I didn’t write it down anywhere, I always internalized that Seokjin is a misunderstood character. (Kind of like Jungkook.) He has a lot of potential and is a highly disciplined individual, but doesn’t quite understand how to interact with others. I think he’s a very “rigid” character. He likes to follow the rules. He likes to obey orders. I think a pivotal point in his character is when [REDACTED]. But since Seokjin is such an interesting character, I want to put him in the flashback scenes. He must have played some role!

(9) I knew for a while that Legends of Darlaria would not take in place of a patriarchy. Men and women are literally equal. So it was just sad to see more male characters than females. But that may have something to do with the fact that this is a BTS fanfiction and I kind of promised myself to include all seven men. So, of course, there is an imbalance. My concern, however, was coming up with female characters who could be seamlessly integrated into the plot.

(10) I realized while writing this longass series (which I had no idea would be in several months), I would also have to write descriptions of the setting. But the setting also includes the weather. How am I supposed to write about the setting if I don’t even know what season the chapter is taking place? This last bullet point perhaps stressed me out the most. (For some reason.)

1.3.5 Fixing and Creating New Characters

I worked on LOD basically for the rest of April—almost every day. I was really big on weaving the to-fix points into my plot. I remember I made 81 edits in one day trying to sprinkle in bits of the sector stuff. I also changed a lot of the dialogue and the choices the characters made for them to stay true to their character. At the beginning of May, I focused a lot on rounding out my main characters and fleshing out the world-building. I created a money system, which, I have no idea why I made (but whatever. I guess it made my world feel a little more real to me). I added three things to my to-fix list: (1) add more bits of confident yoongi, (2) add more yoongi character flaws (his willingness to surrender/give up), (3) add more yn character flaws (too trusting, overthinks, workaholic). I still felt like my main characters were Mary Sues (except Jungkook LOL). So I realized to make the audience sympathize with them and root for them, I had to make them seem more human by giving them notable flaws. 

I took a break for a couple of weeks and got back on track in the middle of May. On May 18th, the Lieutenant of the Solarian Army Kang Doyun was born. I didn’t really know much about her other than the fact that she speaks her mind and is a generally likable character. The same day I created her, I also decided that ultimately, she has to die. Originally, I planned it so that OC and Doyun do not know each other too well. That would make it easier for OC to take Doyun’s place as the Lieutenant when she dies. In hindsight, I realize that is definitely not how the military works—even in a fictional nation. But we’re going to let my past self be in blissful ignorance. [Which is why I changed it later so OC never becomes the Solarian Lieutenant General LOL.]

May 19th, Hana was born. She was created for the sole purpose of tripping up OC because she’s so similar to Hajin. Immediately, I knew I had to design her as a very likable character. In fact, I added to my to-fix list: make ALL characters more likable/complex. By the end of May, my original 24-page document became 71 pages. 

I worked on the document for three days in mid-June. Mostly, I was working hard to polish up the plotline; my goal was to slowly get rid of all the bullet points from my to-fix list. I worked on the document for one day in July—mainly to add to some important plot points. I think at that point, I thought I was basically done fleshing out the story.

Anyways, the rest of this journal is me doing a breakdown of each chapter I've written in LOD, which can get quite tedious, so I won't include that. Hopefully, this gives you a better background of how my idea came to be and knowledge of some of my pre-writing processes!

I began writing LOD after I settled into my college dorm, and three years later, I'm in my apartment still writing. I will most likely finish and wrap up this story when I soon after I graduate and begin working full-time

#ask #yoongijoon07 #lod #sorry this was so long but i hope i answered your question!! #i can't believe how many spoilers i had to take out LOL #it's cuz shit RLLY GOES DOWN in the latter half of act II LOL #and i honestly doubt anyone can predict what act III's gonna be about #tbh i don't even think act IV is all that predictable #the most predictable thing in this entire story (i'm hoping) is the fact that OC is Darlaean lol #since most of you figured it out anyways

[polysprachig]

26.09.2023 | Indexing past notes

A rudimentary table of contents to be transposed into the scrawled-in notebook above it

All throughout the quarantine my grammatical topic of choice was the simple past tense for type 1 Irish verbs. At least, this was what I was predominately studying on my own, followed closely by work with various sentence structures to make my manner of expression a little bit more complex. But the notes I took during lessons with my teachers, in the present indexing of them, highlight the core structures of that cavernous void where A2 and B1 secretly intersect, both the most essential and the most satisfying once one is able to use them for oneself at that level. Topics easy enough to understand, yet challenging enough to require mountains of additional practice for easy application to speech and writing, because, well, what else is the A2-B1 gap supposed to be if not full of new words and demanding of repetition?

Also, I'm 100% convinced that I have a missing planner and notebook from 2020 located in some mysterious location, so in addition to indexing... it looks like a scavenger hunt is in the cards for the near future.

#polyglot things #my polyglot studies #my polyglot journal #langblr #studyblr #irish #gaeilge #idek where to start looking for those missing notes and planner

[ifwebefriends]

dude . . . that post where you said you liked nagito not because he's a depressed uwu bad boy but a traumatized complex cancer patient . . . we are the same lmao i literally made a research paper on his overall condition. very interesting case study ngl

That’s so cool! I’d be interested in reading your paper if you’re comfortable sharing. It’s nice to see that not everyone boils Nagito down to a generic bad boy tumblr sexyman. I actually have a lot of feelings about him and how he affected me personally because I can relate to him in a weird kinda hyperbolic way.

Okay it’s trauma dump time now strap yourself in. (TW suicide, cancer, COVID-19, needles, medical treatment)

I’m actually a cancer survivor myself (stage 4 breast cancer diagnosed in July 2020) and because of COVID and cancer I took a gap year in my education (I had just graduated high school and was set to start college) to go through treatment, so I had a lot of time on my hands to play video games and watch TV shows. So I ended up playing Danganronpa 1 and 2 in like October through November of 2020 (I would have played V3 then too but I didn’t have access to it yet).

When I first started chemotherapy in August of that year I tried to stay optimistic, hopeful, and cheery about everything, I didn’t want people to worry and pity me (right after my diagnosis, the most painful part of it all was watching all my loved ones worry so much about me) and I was told that I would most likely survive it. But round after round of chemo along with the rampaging global pandemic that I was honestly more scared of (I was immunocompromised because of chemo and I live in a country that generally didn’t take mask-wearing or quarantine seriously) gradually wore down my spirit little by little. By November when my treatment plan got extended (at least two more rounds of chemo than initially expected) I was worn out, miserable, hopeless, and borderline suicidal. This was around when I played SDR2 for the first time.

When I first played through the game I thought that Nagito was kinda just a fun character who made the game more of a challenge since he was kinda working against you. I never hated him or anything (my first reaction to him was actually “OH MY GOD IT’S THE FINGERS IN HIS ASS GUY!!!!”). Then after I finished the game I read online that if you talk to him in his free time events (I later did the free time for all the characters myself in school mode) you eventually find out that he has cancer and dementia and that’s when my whole perception of him shifted. I felt a sense of comraderie and unity with him that I feel with other cancer patients/survivors. Also, due to my piss poor mental and emotional state at the time I found myself really relating to him in a way. I felt strangely seen and understood.

Needless to say, even in this dark time in my life, I wouldn’t even consider doing the things that Nagito did in SDR2. Nevertheless, I guess I related to him because he represented my specific agonies and pains to a hyperbolic degree. Due to cancer and the treatment related to it, I was angry, hopeless, frustrated, and at a severe disadvantage while the whole world was suffering as well. (Cough cough chapter 3 dispair disease cough cough)

I think generally that the emotional and mental health aspect of having cancer and the general dark parts of having cancer aren’t talked about enough. A lot of people like to make it this hopeful empowering thing and I think it’s fine to do that, it’s good to have hope and strength in times like that, but when one can’t stay strong and hopeful in those circumstances it doesn’t really hit well. And I think that’s what Nagito represents to me. He represents someone beaten down by his life circumstances that he had no control over, and while he puts up an optimistic front, he’s not the #strong #sobrave chronically ill person that seems to be really common in modern media. He represents the dark side and the brutally negative emotions that can come from chronic illness or just shitty life circumstances. He doesn’t care much about his own life or well-being, he’s basically given up. But he wants his short life to mean something good so desperately. In his own way he cares about the people around him and the world around him, he just thinks he can’t have a place in that world. He’s willing to hurt and kill people in order to, in his eyes, make the world a better place at the cost of himself. He’s like an antithesis or foil to other cancer patient characters I’ve seen who have a generally more positive saccharine outlook on their condition and their life (I.e. Augustus Waters from The Fault in Our Stars).

Thankfully I’m much happier and healthier these days, I’ve been done with chemo for over two years and while I’m still going through some treatment related to it (hormone suppression pills and shots since my cancer was ER+) but it pales in comparison to what chemo did to me. I may not relate as heavily to Nagito as I used to, but he still holds a special place in my heart. I see him now and still think of him as a flawed but sympathetic character who was a twisted mirror of my deep-seeded physical and emotional pains that I felt back during the most miserable time of my life. At that time, I couldn’t see the light, so he sat with me in the darkness.

Nagito’s story isn’t really a story about having or surviving cancer.

Thankfully my story has a happy ending as I survived cancer and am still in remission. I am much happier and healthier now and I have a new appreciation for life, how fragile it is, and the little joys that make it what it is. I don’t relate to Nagito as much now as I did back when I was going through cancer treatment, but when I look at him, I’m reminded of how he reflected the darkness inside of me during my worst times and how comforting he was to me.

Thankfully I beat cancer and I am much happier and healthy now, but I still look at Nagito and remember the dark comfort he gave me through my worst of times.

#sorry this response took so long!! #nagito komaeda #ask #asks #komaeda nagito #long post #trauma dump #cancer #cancer survivor #cancer survivorship #cancer survival #tw cancer #cancer tw #super danganronpa 2 #danganronpa #sdr2 #suicide #tw suicide #suicide tw #chemo #chemotherapy #analysis #he just like me fr

[t0tentanz]

MALESTROM — LEADERSHIP Pt. 1

(via DATAFORTRESS 2020)

— GANG LEADER —

Brian “RAZORFIST” Kirkpatrick

Razorfist was born to fight. His mother was an Irish-American and part of the Kirkpatrick mob family in Chicago. His father was a low-level family member. In truth, his father was an undercover FBI agent named Shawn White investigating the family's criminal activities. Shawn’s seduction of Brian’s mother was able to get him close, and when the dust settled, almost the entirety of the adult male population on Brian’s mother's side of the family was incarcerated or dead. When it was discovered that Brian’s father was responsible for all this, his mother was ostracized from the family, and his cousins and other schoolmates tormented him mercilessly. Due to the constant fighting with the other boys, by age twelve he had already put four boys, all older than him by at least two years, in the hospital.

When the wasting plague hit, his mother was an early victim. Brian had no family to turn to for help, and he watched his mother die alone. When they began quarantining the city, Brian was able to fight his way past a police sentry point with his sister and hooked up with a nomad group heading west. He traveled with an Aldecaldo (1) family for a while, but his violent nature was too much for them, and after a fight with the headman’s son he was left on the side of the road. From there he hooked up with a Raffen Shiv (2) gang in Northern Cali but grew to consider the group cowards and bullies, two things he had little patience for. He traveled to Night City, hoping to find work as a bodyguard, but when things got tight he found himself living in the Combat Zone (3). Calling himself Razorfist, he joined the Red Chrome Legion (4) and was one of the few original surviving members when they became Maelstrom.

Razorfist had been getting increasingly disillusioned with the way the gang had been operating. Originally he joined because he wanted to be the baddest of the bad, but under Hammer's leadership he saw the actions of the gangs as deranged and foolish, and the bullying of smaller gangs and civilians as cowardly. When Hammer completely lost it, got the gang pushed out of their original turf, and nearly destroyed it during Carnival, Razorfist finally had enough, and he challenged Hammer.

Hammer had far more combat experience, was so heavily cyber-enhanced that he was completely Cyberpsychotic (5), and was on massive amounts of Black Lace (6). Ironically, that was what led to his downfall. Hammer raged out, while Razorfist moved in and out, picking his shots carefully, first blinding the larger, stronger, and faster opponent, then systematically disabling his senses and his movement, before finally finishing him off. Razorfist did not kill his mentor, instead, he slapped inhibitor collars on him, and used him as a basis for a new unit of the gang: [the PSYCHOS].

Razorfist was grim and determined, but if you proved your loyalty and friendship to him - his loyalty was unswerving, matched only by his need for vengeance when betrayed. He was devoted to his lover and second in command, Sable, and he had little tolerance for bullies or cowards. These views were seen as weaknesses by some members of his gang and which led to a hostile undercurrent towards him, but no one challenged him, though several have challenged Sable and lost.

Razorfist lost his limbs on separate occasions, all in battle. Their replacements were enhanced with thickened Myomer (7), covered in armor and spikes, with a blue chrome finish. His right eye was cybernetic, and he had several internal organs replaced as well. In addition, his strength and reflexes had been enhanced tremendously having undergone Skin Weave Nanite Enhancement (8).

— ANNOTATIONS —

(1) ALDECALDOS: One of the oldest nomad nations founded by Juan Aldecaldo, who fought a ruthless war at the tail-end of the 1990s against the gangs ruling LA. He formed the “Neighborhood Watch,” which numbered five thousand people by the time it left the city and was known for its emphasis on family values, in whose name Juan launched his uprising against ineffective police and corrupt media.

(2) Raffen Shiv: The most hated nomads. Even among the normally permissive nomad society, these people are considered subhuman. The Raffen Shiv are scavengers and sociopaths who prey on the innocent and the weak in nomad tribes—they are generally found in places beyond the reach of the law—and the rest of American culture. They are outcasts, renegades, and betrayers. They steal from, kill, or enslave any whom they can trap.

(3) THE COMBAT ZONE (SECTION D (2020)): A dangerous lawless area of Night City during the first half of the 21st century. It is found south of Night City downtown. Combat Zones are lawless “No Go” areas of Urban Sprawl. Law Enforcement is limited or non-existent and gangs control large territories within it. Travel into or through a Zone is not recommended. By 2045, much of this area became known as the Old Combat Zone.

(4) RED CHROME LEGION: A gang comprised of militant neo-fascist, otherwise known as “skinheads”, individuals, focused on terrorizing those different from themselves. By 2045, their operations have changed to suit the world during the Time of the Red, uniting youths around various hate group ideologies, and making uniforms and militaristic slogans the rule. The Legion continues to attack anything and anyone they think isn’t “right”.

(5) Cyberpsychosis: A mental illness, specifically a dissociative disorder, caused by an overload of cybernetic augmentations to the body.

(6) Black Lace: A high-powered version of ‘Dorph which imparts euphoria, adrenal rush, and invulnerability to pain. Lace is deadly. Lace users become fearless, cold-blooded killing machines — precisely what its military designers were looking for. If you fail to resist its addiction, it eats away at your humanity, and you suffer from the effects of cyberpsychosis. The effects last between 2-7 hours. It costs 650EB and is fairly easy to find.

(7) Myomer: An artificial analog of biological muscles with a greater strength-to-weight ratio. They are engaged with electrical current and its strength depends on the number of fibers activated, not the current provided.

(8) Skin Weave Nanite Enhancement: A process similar to muscle and bone lace, nanites thread fibers through skin tissue, making it much more resistant to damage. The result is bare skin that has resistance to wear similar to light body armor. Skin weave is transparent to the naked eye for the most part, but can still be detected with careful observation. It takes a couple of weeks for the nanites to complete the upgrade.

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