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sweetbans29 · 6 days

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Now's Not the Time - CC

Pairing: Caitlin Clark x Reader

Summary: 4 times you rile her up

Warnings: Mature - minors please do not engage!

Word Count: 5.1k

Sweetbans Masterlist

AN: well, well, well...we meet again 😘

one. the club.

The team was out celebrating the beginning of spring break (and the two days you all had before hitting practice hard for the elite eight). The plan was to start at a local bar then head to a nightclub to go dancing then end the night off at Caitlin and your apartment. Your place was already set up to house 15 girls because you knew none of you would want to make beds when you got back at who knows what ungodly hour.

Your bar time was about coming to an end and you were incredibly close to your drink limit. Considering you decided to pregame before you left your place, the two drinks you had at the bar are making you feel pretty good. You are sitting in between Caitlin and Hannah as you watch a group of girls go up to sing karaoke. You cross your legs and tuck your foot behind Caitlin's calf as you talk with Hannah and Jada.

Caitlin was taking it slow tonight with the drinks, knowing that you went hard with the pregaming. You both have learned that it isn't the best idea to be drunk at the same time (we don't talk about the summer of 2020). She also knows that you get a little handsy when you are buzzed.

Caitlin's first hint was when your foot came to the back of her calf, your foot was rubbing up and down her calf, and spent some extra time rubbing around her ankle. She takes a deep inhale and brings her hand to your thigh, giving it a little tap.

You uncross your legs, remove your foot from her calf, and turn to face her. She is still in conversation with Kate and Syd, keeping her hand on your thigh. You shrug and turn back.

Everyone finishes their drinks and you all make your way to your next destination. On your walk over, you take hold of Caitlin's hand. Your other hand comes and graces her forearm. Your hand goes from gripping her arm to gently running your fingertips up and down her arm, hitting all the sensitive spots with the most delicate touch. Such a simple motion but it drives Caitlin crazy.

As you approach the club, both of your hands are removed from Caitlin's arm. She lets out a little pout and immediately wants your touch back. You give her a lazy smile.

You all enter the club and head straight to the bar. You grab a rum and coke and make your way to the dance floor.

Your stunning, still-sober girlfriend watches as you raise your hands in the air and sway your hips in a manner that would make anyone mesmerized by your body. After a few minutes, you catch Caitlin watching you with wanting eyes and point a finger at her, signaling you want her to join you. When she doesn't, you take matters into your own hands.

Making your way to your girlfriend, you set your drink down and grab her hand bringing her to the dance floor.

The night is spent dancing and laughing. Everyone was having a great time and you were too busy enjoying yourself to think about how much this is going to suck in the morning.

Your group is winding down as you are all sitting in a booth, doing your own karaoke and milking your last round of drinks when you begin to get a little handsy again. Up to this point, Caitlin has been hanging on by a thread. She has had to walk away when your hand slips somewhere it shouldn't in such a public place. Other times she has had to give you a little reprimand, reminding you that you two weren't going home alone.

Legs draped over Caitlin's lap and arms wrapped around her neck, you watch as Jada and Hannah try to do a TikTok dance. They typically have these dances on lock but due to the alcohol, they were a total disaster. This causes you to lean your head back and laugh, then bring your head back into Caitlin's neck. Her hands are wrapped around your waist to keep you from falling, occasionally giving your hips a little squeeze.

As your head makes its way into her neck you take a deep inhale, intoxicating yourself with her scent (as if you needed to be more intoxicated than you already were). When you exhale, your hot breath fans across your girlfriend's neck causing her to shudder. You feel her slightly adjust the two of you and take the opportunity to let your lips skim against her neck. Caitlin lets out a sigh as she gives your hips a little warning pinch.

A smile makes its way to your lips as you decide to be a little more bold with your movements. Your lips come and brush against her ear and you hear her breathing become uneven. This encourages you more and you bring the tip of your tongue to trace the shell of her earlobe. She lets out a moan and you know you got her.

After teasing her neck with your lips, you give in and plant them firmly on her sweet spot. The way her fingers dig into your hips and her head leans back to give you more access encourages you to keep going. Your hand cups the back of her head to keep her from moving any further as you make a feast of her neck.

Her hand comes to cup your face as she tries to remove you from assaulting her neck. Caitlin's neck is one of your weak spots alongside her fingers.

"Babe, you need to settle down," she says with a shakier voice than she was hoping for. "But I don't want to," you whisper in her ear. She takes the opportunity to move your face away from her neck and leans her forehead against yours. You let out a little pout and lean in to give her a kiss.

Caitlin knew that if you succeeded, there would be no turning back. She also knew that she was probably one of two people still sober enough to get the whole team back to your place so she opted to dodge the kiss. She placed a finger on your lips, which might not have been the smartest move. You move your head up and open your lips as you take the tip of her finger into your mouth.

Her eyes are locked on your lips as you take her whole finger into your mouth, tongue swirling around it as you take hold of her wrist to pull it out. You feel her thighs squeeze together under your own legs right before she practically throws you off her lap and onto the booth. She stands and takes her turned-on ass to the bar to get water.

She looks back over to where the team is and you are now up singing karaoke with Kate.

two. practice.

Practice today consists mostly of defense drills. It was a lot of refining technical skills that was necessary for your game but wasn't the most fun in practice. Your coaches would have you run the same plays over and over again to work through where everyone should be and how you should move as one team, one defense.

We were split into teams, switching from working on defense to playing offense. You were on the opposite team as Caitlin and were often her counterpart when it came to these drills. It was frustrating. Infuriating really. Guarding Cait often felt impossible as she didn't really have a weakness - reading the floor perfectly, passing seamlessly, hitting logo threes, and everything in between. As much as you hate it, it still helps your defense game.

It was halfway through practice and you were majorly annoyed. More so annoyed with yourself than your girlfriend, but annoyed nonetheless. It was your turn again to run the defensive side of the play and your one goal was to block Caitlin so well that she wouldn't get the ball. She can't shoot if she doesn't have the ball...right?

When your coach yells to go, you follow Caitlin vigorously. She works hard to get around you and become available for her team. As she swings around towards the right side, you plant yourself in front of her with your back facing her. You reach a hand back and it finds her waist. It doesn't remain there long but just long enough to feel her next move of trying to break out in front of you. As she moves, you move to block her from going in the direction she wants by stepping out in front of her. She takes a step and the front of her body meets the back of yours. You both side step the same way unintentionally causing your hips to slightly grind against hers.

Anyone looking wouldn't think much of it but to Cait, it reminded her of her coming up behind you in the kitchen and placing her hands all over your body. It starts a fire in her. You hear the whistle blow and you stand up from your defensive stance - Caitlin still directly behind you. You feel her lean into you and inhale your scent. She lets out a little moan next to your left ear, unintentionally signaling that she is getting worked up. Then an idea pops into your head.

The coaches have you run this round again. Once everyone is set, you approach this round a little differently. You follow Caitlin like a shadow, keeping a hand on her waist to make sure she is within arm's reach throughout the whole drill. Also to make your presence known to her, it worked in your favor that we were all in penny jerseys and Cait decided not to wear an undershirt today. Every chance you got, you would do your best to get your hand to skim the skin just above her waistline with the slightest touch.

She gets the ball and goes up for a three. One of your hands goes up to attempt to block it and fails. Once the ball leaves her hand and makes its way to the hoop, you turn, placing a hand behind you on her hip again. This time with a little squeeze which sends a current all throughout her body. You both stand looking to see if her shot goes in and it is just short, hitting the rim and bouncing back to someone working on defense.

The whistle is blown and you feel Caitlin grab your arm. She turns you around and looks down at you with heavy eyes.

"Babe, I know what you're doing and it needs to stop." She says using all of her strength to not pull you into the locker room right this second, letting everyone hear you scream her name. Her skin has been on fire since your skin first met hers. Now half of her body is buzzing, ready for more.

You look up at her with innocent eyes, "I don't know what you are talking about." Holding her gaze you take a baby step forward and lean closer into her so only she can hear, "Or maybe I want to get you all riled up in front of everyone and watch you squirm every time my fingers make contact with your skin. Just lightly enough for your body to feel my presence but not enough to release any tension building in you. Touching you in all of your favorite places and all the places I plan on putting not-so-little love bites on you when it is just you and me."

Caitlin's breath becomes dangerously uneven, pupils dilating as her eyes go from yours down to your lips. You run your tongue across your bottom lip, then bite it ever so slightly. All while your hand runs up her arm and gives her a nice little pat on her shoulder.

You step back and leave her standing there, dripping. Goosebumps across the skin on her arm your hand had just graced. Her breath uneven and eyes hungry for more of you. She looks up at the clock and realizes that there are another 20 minutes of practice left. She mentally curses as her body longs to be touched. As they set up for another drill, Caitlin begins to plot all the things she is going to do to you when you get back to the apartment.

She looks over at you right before you go again and you send her a little wink. Tonight was going to be fun.

three. pancakes.

You wake up to an empty bed.

Caitlin had a team meeting first thing this morning as they were playing their last home game tonight. It is senior night and they need to rehearse what that looks like for the players and the staff.

You roll out of bed and grab the nearest piece of clothing you can find which just so happens to be your girlfriend's jersey. You bring it over your head and pull it down your body. The bottom of the jersey hits a few inches below your hips so you decide to forgo pants.

Heading out to the kitchen, you have some time before you have to head to the library to finish a group project before Caitlin's game tonight. You look in the fridge and then the cabinets, deciding on making pancakes for breakfast. Looking at the clock, you decide to double the amount knowing your girl will be home soon.

You put music on and get to cooking, stopping frequently for a little dance break.

You are in the middle of your mid-morning party when Caitlin arrives home to the smell of blueberry pancakes. She drops her stuff by the door and heads to where the delicious smell is coming from. As she rounds the corner, she is met with the most beautiful sight, you dancing in nothing but her jersey.

She takes a deep inhale as your back is facing her with your hips swaying side to side. She walks up to you placing her hands on your hips and bringing your dancing body to meet hers. You jump a little at the sudden touch but instantly relax when you feel your girlfriend’s hands give your hips a little squeeze. You lean back into her and sway your hips alongside hers. She lets out a little chuckle, wrapping her arms around your torso.

“Hi babe,” she says into your ear. You are humming the song as you turn your head back to her to give her a kiss - humming the song into her lips. You break away from her to pour the pancake mix into the pan. Caitlin’s arms do not leave you, she rests her head on your shoulder.

One of her hands begins to wander from its original post and makes its way to the bottom of the jersey lifting it just enough for her to peak at what’s underneath. You instantly slap her hand with the spatula you are holding and give her a warning look.

“Don’t even think about it,” you say as you break away from her gaze and go back to your pancakes. “My priority is pancakes and you will not distract me. You also need to finish that paper for your class because I know you aren’t going to want to do it tomorrow.”

“So you are telling me you put on my jersey, and only my jersey…to just make pancakes?” She says in disbelief, swearing you did it for a fun time when she got home.

“Yes,” is all you say as you flip your first round of pancakes. She lets out a frustrated groan.

You finish up the first batch of pancakes and plate them up. You grab one from the plate and make a little blueberry and whipped cream roll up. You take a bite and walk over to Caitlin to give her a bite. When she takes the bite from your hand, whipped cream comes out and lands on the side of her lip. You let out a little laugh as you whip it off her face with your finger. Deciding to have a little fun you lick the whipped cream off your finger a little slower than you typically would, making direct eye contact with your girl.

Her eyes darken slightly as she watches your every move. You give her a little smile as you head back to make one more batch of pancakes.

Once you place the last of the batter in the pan, you grab the whipped cream and head over to Caitlin. You may not have time to do everything either of you want but you do have time to tease her a little more. You nod at her to open her mouth for you to put some whipped cream in. She’s opens without any hesitation and right as you about to squirt some, you shift a little to the left and miss her mouth getting it on her face. She just looks at you with shock and a little laugh. You then come in and use your tongue to clean up the mess you just made.

“Sorry babe,” you say as you nod at her to open again. She obliges and opens her mouth only to hear the whipped cream can but does not taste any sweetness. The second she leans down to see what happened, she is met with your sweet lips that open instantly as they touch hers. The whipped cream enters her mouth and her tongue dances with yours. As you kiss her, you begin to lift her shirt and signal you want it off. Her lips separate from yours only to rid her shift from her body, leaving her in a sports bra and shorts. She goes to connect your lips again but stops when you spray whipped cream on her stomach.

Before she can question you, you get down on your knees in front of her. Giving her one look up before you grab her hips and bring your lips to clean up the mess you just made. The second your lips meet her skin, she inhales sharply, head leaning back and hands gripping the countertop. You take your time cleaning up the whipped cream, using your tongue to dance across her stomach, and placing kisses every now and again.

Her hand comes down to your head and guides it back up to where her lips can capture yours. Having something a little different in mind, you bring your hand up to her head pulling her head to the side. Your lips to her neck as you start working your way to her sweet spot. As you are working on her neck, you work one of your legs in between hers. Your free hand comes to her hip and guides her center to rest on your upper thigh. As suck and nip at her neck, she lets out uneven breathes. She’s lost in your movements. You begin to slowly rock her hip, just enough to provide the slightest pressure where she wants it the most. The exhale she releases when she receives the slightest relief is enough to have you cancel all plans for the rest of the weekend.

Unfortunately for both of you, there were places you needed to be, so canceling your project meeting was not an option. You bring your lips to hers and give her a quick kiss before whispering ‘I’m sorry babe’ and removing yourself from her.

The sounds that escaped your girlfriend's lips were a cross between a whine and a growl - causing you to cross your legs to relieve a little pressure for yourself.

“There is no way you're about to leave me here in this state,” she says with a needy tone of voice.

You genuinely felt bad about this one, you’ve teased her many times before but she has been so good and if you were honest, you could also use the release.

“Cait, when we get back from your game tonight, I promise we will do whatever you want,” you say knowing that will do nothing for your girl right now.

“Just two minutes,” she tries to plead with you. You give her a look.

“There is no way you are finishing in 2 minutes,” you say, knowing she will come back with a rebuttal. As you walk around the backside of the counter she is standing by you saying, “Plus, it’s so much more fun when I get to take my time on you.”

Caitlin yells and groans all at once as she mutters something about needing to find the charger for her toy, as you run to get ready for the library.

four. massage. (mature)

You are at home reading when you hear the door to your apartment open and then close again a few seconds later. You know exactly who is walking through your front door. After the door closes, you hear her shoes fumble off and hit the mat. It takes a second for her to wander in from the front hallway but once she does, she drags herself to where you are, drops her bag, and flops next to you on the bed. She lets out a big sigh as her eyes close. She looks absolutely beat.

You transfer your book into your other hand so that your free hand can come up and rub Caitlin's back. Your hand begins to rub circles around her shoulder blades as you feel her shoulders begin to loosen.

"Cait, you are really tight love," you say as you start feeling around her shoulders. She mumbles something incoherent, too relaxed by the way your hands are working her sore muscles.

Looking back at your book and continuing where you left off, you keep rubbing your girlfriend's shoulder. Soft sighs fall from her mouth. After a few minutes, your hand begins to find its way under her shirt. It is a little bit of a tight squeeze as you don't want to stretch the neckline of her shirt too much. Once it becomes a little too difficult for you to reach, you put your book down.

"Will you give me a massage?" Caitlin asks in the sweetest tone, the exhaustion seeping through her voice.

"Of course my love," you reply. "Do you think you can sit up to take your shirt off for me?"

She does what you ask without hesitation. When she sits up, you grab the bottom of her shirt and bring it over the top of her head. She also removes her sports bra and discards it off the bed. You pat the bed for her to lay back down on her stomach. You get up from the bed and rummage through your bedside draws to find the oil. This isn't an uncommon occurrence for the two of you. It was about every other week that you were giving your girlfriend a massage.

Once you find what you are looking for, you head back to where Caitlin is laying on the bed.

You begin by moving her hair off her back. Once it is all out of the way, you give her head a kiss. You see a smile appear on her face, which yours mirrors. You then straddle her backside.

"Just relax babe, I will take good care of you," you say as you squirt some oil into your hands and warm it up before placing your hands on her back.

The second your hands press into her back, the groan that escapes Caitlin's lips vibrates all over her body. You let out a little laugh, beginning to work the knots in her shoulders out. It seems like every other move has her moaning and groaning.

"Feels amazing babe," she breathes out as you work down her whole spine. Another moan makes its way out of her. Between the position you are in and the heavenly sounds falling from your girl's lips, you begin to get an itch in your core.

Like always, an idea begins to form in your head as you continue massaging Caitlin's back. You slowly move down so you are no longer sitting on her butt, but rather are resting on the backside of her thighs. You begin to bring down her shorts just slightly, working on her lower back as your fingers continue to lower themselves underneath her shorts.

"Babe, what are you doing?" She asks but you just shush her and continue. She doesn't question you any more.

As your hands make work of her lower back, Caitlin starts getting slightly worked up. It is not like she intends to, but the way your hands keep working lower and lower has her wanting them somewhere else.

Good thing for her, you were on the same page.

You continue to work on the lower back of your girlfriend when you want to massage something a little softer. Your hands begin to work back up her back scooping down towards her front. First coming around to touch her abs, then making another pass, giving her boobs a nice little squeeze.

No protest comes from Cait, just a low moan which encourages you even more. You do it again, spending a little more time on their most sensitive spots. This causes Caitlin's hips to grind down on the bed a little to try and release any of the pressure that continues to build.

You remove your hands from her breasts and decide to tease her a little more. Moving further down her body, you decide to pay a little attention to the back of her thighs. But instead of starting with your hands, you lean down and press a kiss on the back of her left thigh.

You look up to see Caitlin burying her face into the pillow while her hands grip the sheet of your bed. You decide to keep going, pressing gentle kisses to the backs of both thighs, beginning to massage them as well. Your fingers coming dangerously close to her center. She tries to shift to get them where she so desperately wants them at this point but you want to take your time. You want to see her squirm under your touch, so much that when you finally pay attention to her most sensitive spots, she is coming undone in a matter of moments.

You get tired of her being able to hide in the pillows of your bed so you place your hands on her hips and guide her to flip over. When she does, you take a moment to take in the sight of her. Her eyes are tired and are slightly glazed, pupils dilated. You then take in the sight of her lower lip and see it is slightly swollen from where she has been biting it. Before you can take a look, her hands come up to her chest, massaging her breasts to get even the slightest release. You give her a disapproving look and come up to grab her hands, placing them back down at her sides. Your eyes make their way to her perfectly perked nipples and a smile forms on your lips. She is completely vulnerable under your gaze. Her hands grip the sheets again, trying to occupy themselves so she doesn't get scolded again.

"Good girl," you say, as you see her eyes slightly roll back in her head. If there is one thing that your girlfriend loves, it is being praised in the bedroom. Everywhere else - the classroom or on the court - she is humble and doesn't let it affect her or go to her head. But for some reason, when you praise her - she can never get enough.

You lean down to take one of her nipples into your mouth while your hand works on the other. Her breath becomes rigid and you look up to see her biting her lip as her head presses back further into the pillow.

"I need more babe, please touch me more," she practically begs as you continue to use your tongue. You hum in response and begin to kiss down her torso, taking all the time in the world to get to where she wants your lips. She can't take it anymore as her hand comes up to your head, gripping you hair, trying to guide you further down.

Your tongue swipes a strip from the base of her torso up to just under her boobs as you take her hand in yours and give it a little kiss. Then you place it under her bottom, doing the same to the other.

"No moving sweet pea," you say.

You then kiss down her torso, moving a little faster than before. Skipping over where her shorts are, you kiss her thighs. Working all around them, ending with slightly sucking her inner thigh. This earns you a whimper from your girl. You look up again to see her itching to be touched.

You decide she has had enough. Lifting her hips up, you remove her shorts. She now lays bare in your bed, one of your favorite sights.

The second her shorts find their way to the floor, you spread her legs and continue kissing her inner thighs, slowly working your way to her center. You see her chest rise and fall at a faster pace the closer you get. You bring your hand up to give one of her nipples a little more love while kissing her throbbing middle. Her hips immediately buck up into your face. You press them back down into the bed as your tongue begins to work on her.

Her moans become more frequent - one of her hands coming up to her mouth to try and hide them. You just started but you know she is about to come undone.

Within a matter of seconds, you have her at her climax. Squirming underneath you as you continue to feast on her. Your name falling out of her mouth with a string of curses following.

Once she comes down from her high, you begin to kiss up her torso to meet her lips with yours.

"You are incredibly hot babe," you say as her lips are swollen, her hair a mess and her chest rising and falling. She just looks up at you with a smile.

You remove your shirt and pass it over to her. She puts it on as you go to grab her some water.

When you come back you pass her the cup and settle back in bed next to her. Once she is done drinking, she curls up into your side. You pick up your book again and begin reading.

Just as you are about to turn the page, you her soft snores escaping her. You put your book down and decide that a nap with your girl sounds pretty good.

AN - That last one was not what I intended at the beginning but it is what you got. Please let me know what you think! And as always, thank you for your love and support 🤍

#caitlin clark #caitlin clark x reader #caitlin clark imagine #22 #iowa hawkeyes #iowa wbb

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akajustmerry · 1 year

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couldn’t find anything about the murdochs suppressing press freedom would you mind sharing links please

ooooooft okay. i do forget that not everyone is aware of these things. but!! if you wanna know why dominant news media in the global north sucks / wanna be more aware of media influence on politics / wanna appreciate succession more - here is a 'fuck the murdochs' reading list

a recent article on the current court case between Fox News (founded by Rupert Murdoch) and Dominion Voting Systems. Dominion is claiming defamation after Fox News pushed the lie the 2020 election was stolen from Trump, which led to the Jan 6 riots.

Opinion piece by former Aus PM Malcolm Turnball on why he's leading a campaign requesting a Royal Commission into Murdoch's monopoly over Australia's press and Murdoch's unjust influence on Australian politics

here is a podcast breaking down how Lachlan Murdoch (irl Kendall) is suing an independent paper here in Aus for connecting the Jan 6 insurrection to fearmongering of Murdoch press in the States. like, he is literally suing journalists for accurate reporting. that *is* suppressing freedom of the press by definition.

The Murdochs: Empire of Influence (2022). 6 part documentary featuring historians, journalists, ex-employees etc. covers everything there is to know about the family's role in press and politics from world war 1 up to 2022.

Book: Breaking News: Sex, Lies and the Murdoch Succession by veteran anti-Murdoch journalist Paul Barry. The book is from 2013, but is a thoroughly accessible analysis of on the family's rise

Vanity Fair also recently published this hugeeeeee investigation: Inside Rupert Murdoch's Succession Drama

The official Succession podcast is free and discusses the show's influences pretty openly. it doesn't go super in-depth (probably because they don't want to be sued) but it makes mention and discussion of real events and people that influence the show.

just for good measure: here is a list of every news outlet and publisher and media outlet the Murdoch family own across the US, UK, Europe and Asia. handy for when you do your own research, which you should so you're not reading from *their* sources. The whole reason you have trouble finding this kind of information on them is because they suppress it, or make it hard to find.

like... i know a lot of people don't know this, but Succession is a political satire and is about a very specific group of people who are actively shaping the world for the worst so they can become rich and never live with the consequences. the majority of Jesse Armstrong's work is about how internal dynamics between people in powerful institutions literally shape society. if you don't understand that's what Succession is then you're actually missing a huge part of it. so i hope you, and anyone else who needs it, take a gander at these resources because you won't only understand Succession more, but the state of your local politics and media too.

#anon #succession #current events #/

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walkawaytall · 3 months

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I really wish there was more interest in how to handle ADHD other than just addressing the symptoms that affect the people around us.

Like, the best pharmaceutical treatment we have right now is stimulants, and I agree that being on stimulants 24 hours a day, 365 days a year is probably not good for your body. Hell, I’m on a less-than-ideal dose of my medication from a concentration perspective because the ideal dose had my resting heart rate sitting at a cool 115BPM. I know taking med holidays is important. I know all of this.

But because ADHD isn’t just an attention problem (or may not actually be an attention problem at all at its core), it sucks that the only time period medical professionals seem to be concerned about treating are the “important” times: the length of a school or workday. Forget the fact that ADHD affects executive function, forget the fact that people with ADHD often experience chronic and unending anxiety and/or depression as a result of the ADHD, forget that there are important times that have nothing to do with an 8-hour school or work day, forget the rejection sensitivity dysphoria, the sensory issues that make things like clothing, food, and group situations a nightmare to try to navigate, the household stuff that has to be taken care of outside of the 8-hour school or work day. It feels like none of that matters because it doesn’t affect a group of fifteen or more people.

On top of ADHD, I have been plagued with anxiety-related issues for the majority of my life. I likely have a form of OCD and I have a history with a restrictive eating disorder; both of those conditions are very closely associated with high levels of anxiety. I’ve been on anxiety medications before. I was first given an as-needed medication that took the edge off but also made everything feel a little fuzzy, like there was a pane of glass between me and the rest of the world; I was put on an SSRI that somehow made my OCD-related intrusive thoughts about 50x worse than usual and had me wondering at one point if I should be hospitalized; and I’m currently on buspirone, which is doing what it’s supposed to do without the side effects of the others thankfully. But nothing, and I mean nothing, has reduced my anxiety as much as my ADHD medication.

Two hours after my first stimulant dosage, I just suddenly didn’t feel on-edge any more. I estimate that being on ADHD medication has reduced my anxiety by about 70% (buspirone’s for the other 30%). I started taking it in the summer of 2020 and I remember, in 2021, when I saw my boss in person for the first time since lockdown, he remarked on how much more confident I seemed, how I was more likely to speak up in meetings, etc. And I was like…yeah, man, it’s a wonder what not feeling anxious every second of every day will do for someone.

ADHD affects so much more of my life than just attention and anxiety, too. I have sensory issues with mine, which is pretty common, and they make eating — an already sometimes-complicated task due to the ED history — difficult at times because, while I can eat foods that I don’t particularly like, if something is what I call “the bad texture”, I will gag no matter how hard I work to overcome it (believe me, I’ve tried). And my brain sometimes decides that foods that were previously fine are now “the bad texture” and they may or may not shift back to being okay eventually; I don’t know.

The sensory issues affect me socially. My therapist and I have recently come to the conclusion that I’m probably not actually an introvert, but if I’m around larger groups, that means noise and movement and probably being touched, and too much of that causes my brain to either freak out or shut down. I used to always say, “I love people, but when I’m done, I’m done.” And that was likely because the overstimulation was building and building in the background, and at a certain point, my brain would just be like, “We gotta get outta here.” I was Queen of Irish Goodbyes for a very long time because of this.

And the executive dysfunction affects…well..everything? Not just work, not just school (but also those because if my environment is chaotic, my brain feels chaotic, and it is difficult to maintain a non-chaotic environment if you keep getting stuck on order of operations when picking up a room).

I’m not saying that I want to be on longer-lasting stimulants or that I want to be on the higher dose that I know helps my concentration more, cardiovascular system by damned. What I’m saying is, I wish treatment research had been more holistic rather than just figuring out what would give teachers and managers an easier time despite what the person with ADHD might be dealing with as soon as their meds wear off.

Maybe current research is working on it; I don’t know. I just know that, the older I get, the more frustrated I am with my brain and the more apparent the deficiencies I used to be able to counteract with pre-chronic-illness energy and crushing perfectionism become, and I wish there was an answer to this that actually helped me most of the time rather than forcing me to pick which parts of my day/week is “important” and making sure I’m medicated for those parts.

#adhd #adult adhd #adhd combined #adhd problems #actually adhd #adhd treatment

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smoochhyuka · 3 months

Note

omg can you do soobin nsfw alphabet? im in love with your taehyun work

AHHHHHH!! Thank you so much!! My first commissions, I am so excited I immediately started writing because I took the time to write rn anyway lol. I definitely plan on writing an NSFW alphabet for the other three as well, in the future, but I have three Riize drafts and one Tyun draft rn TT. Feel free to request the next member for the alphabet, or other stuff (prompts, MTL, etc...) for Riize and Tubatu, and I'll get to it as soon as I am able to!

Soobin NSFW alphabet

Baby baby baby baby boy

-> Yeonjun Beomgyu Taehyun Hueningkai

○o。content warnings! NSFW, fem!reader, mention of hair pulling, oral m! and f! receiving, lingerie, edging, perv!Soobin, sex toys, mention of anal (m! and f! receiving), mention of marriage, pussy hair, mention of bondage, very brief mention of derogatory language, edited for spelling

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Immediately asleep, knocks out like a light bulb. He barely manages to pull out and climb off of you, and he's done for. The issue is that you couldn't clean up, either, because he pulls you into a tight hug you can't escape from. More often than not, is condom falls off in the middle of the night because he left it on.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

For himself, he really likes his hair, he thinks fluffy and a little longer hair compliments him so much. Another perk is how obsessed you are with it. The way you sometimes braid his hair while cuddling, how you ruffle it when you call him cute, the way you pull it when he eats you out...

The Soobie Boobie Toobie agenda strikes hard. He loves your boobs, doesn't matter if they're small or big, or if they may sag a little, he doesn't care, as long as you're pushing them up in a cute lace bra every time he takes you out for dinner, for him to look at. <3

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

His cum is very watery, almost completely transparent. He comes kinda... discretely? You never notice he is about to cum unless he tells you. Except for a little leg shake, his composure doesn't change, his breathing doesn't pick up, his pace doesn't increase, his groans don't get louder... He just busts, and you're left there, surprised, cum on your titties...

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He watched too many dirty animes and watched a few too many thirst traps during 2020 unfortunately... nothing turns him on more than the thought of you in a maid dress, bringing him tea and biscuits and sucking him off under the table, addressing him as Soobin-sama. Will take this dirty secret to his grave!!! (or you just go get drunk with him and ask him about his dirty secrets, will spill anything, guaranteed)

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

No because maybe unpopular opinion but I think he had a girlfriend or two before you. It was never very serious, though, it was just a hormonal teen relationship to get away with fooling around a little bit. Therefore, there are a lot of things he hasn't tried yet.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He likes every position in which he can see a.) your tits and b.) your face. Missionary and cowgirl are the two top ones, doggy in front of a mirror is also fine and dandy.

G = Goofy (are they more serious at the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

He tends to be on the more serious side, letting his hot guy persona show. If you're someone who cracks jokes, he will laugh at them, but don't expect any comments in return. He might tease you in a way that could potentially make you laugh, but it's not intentionally a joke. He tends to get more emotional, telling you sweet things or confessing his deeper feelings to you.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Tends to not care about shaving. He just lets it grow until it's too much for his liking, then he would shave it off completely in one go so he can, again, not care for a few weeks. After a few months of dating he will ask you, very shyly and very embarrassed, how you like it and will adapt from then on.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

In all honesty, I don't see him to be intentionally romantic. He's not someone who lights candles or prepares a bubble bath every time you guys do it. He is unintentionally romantic, though, as already mentioned he turns quite sappy, being romantic in the way he talks to you or handles you. Always asks for consent when trying something new, checking up on you if you get quiet. <3

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

LOVES masturbating together, you two just sit in your bed, fully nude and watch the other. It feels so dirty to him, so intimate in a way regular sex just doesn't feel like. It's also a great way to edge as foreplay, the feeling of sinking into your drenching, sensitive pussy after half an hour of this is as close to entering heaven as it could possibly get.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

I think Soobin is kind of a closeted perv, he'd be into any sort of sex toy, be it for you or for him. If it's late at night, he's barely awake, but you're begging to have sex with him, he won't shy away from using a womanizer on you. The following is husband!Soobin territory right now, but he'd definitely enjoy having a vibrating plug up his ass while fucking you, or being tied up and being edged with a vibrator.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

It's not that he necessarily has an exhibitionism kink, or a specific preference for a place that is not the confinements of your bedroom, it's just that he doesn't care a lot? If he wants it, and you want it, and you're somewhere else, it's not going to stop him really.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Likes it if you're being bold with him. You can either ask him straight up (doesn't need to be phrased sexily, a simple "Let's fuck" is enough to grind his gears) or just walk around in something sexy or just fully nude, he'll follow you like a puppy. Just in general, gets horny when you're horny, and if you're not in the mood, he loses his motivation as well.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

As already mentioned, he won't want to do it if you don't want to, he is not the type to try to change your mind or try to get you horny.

There are barely any no-gos with him, a perv like him will try most things if you're into them (he might even discover new kinks through you). It needs to be something seriously disgusting or illegal to be an instant no.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Prefers receiving by a tinie tiny bit, mainly because he can see your face and boobs while you give him head.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He is fairly rough, fast and deep thrusts are the standard with him, especially at the beginning of your relationship. If you prefer it slower, you can tell him and he will adapt. It's just that he's excited, you feel so good, he can't help himself. <3 Even if you don't mention anything, he will get more slow and sensual overtime, especially as his feeling for you deepen.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

no.1 fan, the quickie invented itself for him, actually. Tied to what I mentioned during L, if you're both in the mood you'll do it, regardless of location OR your time limit. He's not afraid to be a little bit late to something to be able to pound into your pussy, so be it! Long sex is usually reserved for after dates or special situations, like an anniversary or if one of you is going through a tough time.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Definitely a risk-taker, tied to my very personal perv!Soobin agenda. The worst thing that can happen is a moment of embarrassment and if the sex was good he'd gladly pay that price. The only thing he won't risk though is your relationship, e.g. he won't have a threesome with someone you are close to, or someone he knows has a crush on you. Or something that could hurt you physically (not talking about little bruises, an injury that could drive a wedge between you and him).

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Doesn't have a lot of stamina! If he cums once, it's usually light out with this guy. Sometimes you can squeeze a second one out of him if you're determined, but that's it. He always makes sure that you cum lots, and that you have a good time before he does, because he knows he has bad stamina.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Already mentioned this during K, but yeah, you own every toy in the book. If a new one is currently trending or even completely new on the market, he'll get it ASAP. Of course, you have your favorites that earned their spot in your nightstand, but the rest aren't necessarily collecting dust either.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

A little bit of a tease, might use some lightly derogatory language if you're into that, or denies you an orgasm (or two) but he's not mean in bed, he loves you too much and wants you both to enjoy it. (Besides, he prefers it if you tease him...)

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Groaner! Grunter! Might even whine if you do it right, or if you have been edging for a while. He very rarely moans (aka only with a toy up his ass), therefore he isn't very loud. This beneficial since you fuck in the weirdest places.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Has a thing for pussy hair and thinks it's cute if you shave it in specific patterns or styles. His favorite was the heart you deliberately shaved for Valentine's Day. He also has a certain admiration for a full bush.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Big. Monstrous. Humungus. I have a more detailed explanation here. Lots of foreskin and small balls in comparison.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Fairly high, but he easily adapts to you. He isn't going to pass away if you go a week or two without it, but prefers to do it regularily and tends to miss it easily.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

immediately, snorring like zzzzz. He won't let you leave either, if you need to pee, hold it in!

#smoochwrites #commisions open #commission #txt smut #soobin hard thoughts #soobin hard hours #soobin x reader #txt hard hours #txt hard thoughts #txt x reader

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 5 months

Note

hey weird question but, with the context that while conspiracy thought in and of itself is just a sort of dangerous logical fallacy, most conspiracy theories have some kind of tie to antisemetism, are there any antisemetic aspects to gaylor theory? i can't think of how but somehow it almost always weasels in there, no matter how innocently silly something seems on the surface.

DEEP SIGH okay it's time to talk about Scooter Braun and his place in the Gaylor conspiracy

I'm not going to recap everything but will instead link you to this US Weekly article (I know, sorry) which is basically a fine summation of events despite being a bit sensationalist in calling a business disagreement between two adults a "feud"

tl;dr for anyone who doesn't want to read all of that (it's not actually that long, I prommy): in 2019 talent manager Scooter Braun acquired Taylor Swift's former record label Big Machine, giving ownership of the masters of her first six albums. Swift objected to this very publicly on the grounds that she wanted ownership over her own work and had repeatedly been denied the opportunity to buy it outright, while also alleging that Braun has been harassing and bullying her for years. ultimately, Swift has remained unable to buy back her work, leading to her steadily re-releasing expanded versions of her first six albums under the "Taylor's Version" headline.

obviously, given my stance against speculating on the personal lives of famous rich people, I'm not particularly interested in debating whether or not there's merit to Swift's accusations against Braun, although given the exploitative nature of the music industry I hardly think her claims are implausible.

regardless of whether or not Braun sucks as a person, it's important to note that he was only very briefly in ownership of Swift's discography: as the linked article above notes, he only owned them for about a year and a half before selling them off in 2020.

despite this, Braun holds what I would consider a rather outsize role in a lot of Gaylor conspiracy theorizing, with many apparently believing that Swift fully intended to come out in 2019 with the release of her seventh album, Lover, but was prevented from coming out by Braun purchasing her discography. I've seen some claim that he actively subjected her to homophobic bullying and others saying that she didn't him to financially benefit from any career boon she might have after coming out (although no one ever seems to have an answer for why she still hasn't come out three years after he sold her discography).

I can't say whether or not the majority of Gaylors, like, know or care that Braun is Jewish, but it feels tragically predictable and yucky that a Jewish man is given such a disproportional share of blame for why Taylor "can't" come out and is made a scapegoat in the ongoing effort to evade reality with "arguments" like this

(source)

... hang on, what's that?

oh man I love when a Jewish family gets put n SCARY ALL CAPS

okay so let's talk about Karlie Kloss and Josh Kushner!

as many of you probably know by this point, Karlie Kloss is the pinnacle of Taylor Swift's platonic gal pals that she gets relentlessly shipped with; I think it's fair to say that "proving" a romantic relationship existed between the two of them is the primary focus of a lot of Gaylorism.

since 2018 Kloss has been married to Josh Kushner, heir of THAT Kushner family. his infamous brother Jared is in fact Donald Trump's son-in-law and probably guilty of, like, a lot of federal crimes. that doesn't inherently make Josh a shithead or anything and he and Kloss both claim more liberal politics, although it should be noted that like a lot of rich liberals Josh does also suck pretty hard. he and Jared own a real estate management company together and were suing their tenants and evicting them during the COVID-19 rent moratorium, so that's kind of everything you need to know about him and Karlie Kloss IMO!!!

having said that, Josh being a bastard landlord doesn't make it appropriate to frame a Jewish family as having some kind of sinister interest in suppressing a queer woman's sexuality or imply that Kloss and Josh Kushner are in some kind of sham marriage. for YEARS Kloss' marriage to Kushner, including her conversion to Judaism and their two living human children, have been dismissed as elaborate turbo-bearding, with some Gaylors going so far as to allege that Kloss and Swift have actually been married for years and Kloss is just having Kushner's children for... reasons unknown... which feels like, you know. a pretty gross dismissal of a Jewish family in favor of pretending two WASPiest WASPs to ever WASP are secretly scissoring.

anyway I certainly don't think it's the most egregious or deliberate anti-semitism that's out there in the conspiracy world but are there some Gaylors blaming The Jews(TM) for forcing poor innocent Taylor to stay in the closet? resounding yes.

#gaylorgate

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kanmom51 · 11 months

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Those little touches that scream intimacy

Skinship is a thing.

BTS show physical affection with each other, they hold, hug, touch each other in ways that would perhaps raise an eyebrow for some, but within their cultural context are not a sign of ‘more’ than friendly affection and closeness. Although, I do have to say that BTS do stretch the boundaries on that one too. Some of the touchy feely is beyond what you would expect it to be among grown male friends in Korea as well. But they did grow up together, in a sense, and although it’s a little more than usually accepted, it still is not an indication to anything more than a very close friendship.

But JM and JK, they have these moments. Two types of suspicious moments.

These moments when they pull back on the touching, the almost touching or touching but just... barely. Those moments where you are sitting there and screaming at the screen (in your mind) “fucking touch him already”, which presents as highly suspicious considering how close those two are on the one hand and how tactile they are on the other.

And then you have these moments where it’s more, it’s suspicious, it’s not something that you would expect between just friends.

So I thought I would put bring together, in one post, some of these moments.

Moments they do something, touch, almost touch, behave in a way that makes you go “this doesn’t look like something ‘just a friend’ would do”, or “heck, those two must be really intimate for this to be happening”.

j 14 interview

I guess I started with a big one. What is it they say? Go big or go home? Whatever JM was doing there with his wiggly wiggle finger during that interview was not something just between friends. It just wasn't.

BV1 footsies

No matter how close you are with your friend, him playing footsies with your crotch is not something you would allow him to do, well unless if you are not "just friends".

BV2 footsies

Here it's JK's reaction. If it was ok for a "friend" to play footsies, if said footsy playing did absolutely nothing for him, we wouldn't be seeing that reaction from him. That gulp. Man. He was hit hard, probably in the full sense of the word, lol.

Footsies BV4

Less about JK's toesies just lightly touching JM's leg and more about the physical reaction the two of them had that followed. Suffice to say that the room was getting real hot for the two (which is also why JK running to put on a big covering coat was pretty funny).

BV3 cuddles

Do we need to explain here?

It's not only the fact that JM is touching JK in these more intimate areas, it's the lack of reaction (well almost lack of reaction...there are those reactions that you just can't help) from JK.

Rose Bowl of course.

No matter how much people will try to twist this up, it takes a special level of intimacy to take someone's sweaty dirty ear into your mouth and suck on it, for 4 seconds straight. And then end it all with a light kiss on the ear.

hickey

I guess this one is a given too. I've heard the stories about brotherly neck sucking and nope, I do not buy that. Not one bit. No matter how the story is told, JM put his mouth on JK's neck, exactly where JK's mole happens to be, and sucked on it hard enough to bruise it. Yep. Not something you do with a "just friend".

Btw, love the editors captions. *in pain*, lol.

This one

And this one too.

Oh, and this too.

It's about being used to be in that kind of proximity. Muscle memory. The lack of an initial reaction, and only pulling away at the very end. And it's not for a skit or game. It's all them. That smirk on JK's face in the 2019 TMA's and the BV2 moments, priceless.

Same day as this, btw, just if you weren't aware of it or just forgot.

It's definitley not this

Or this

Just saying.

Festa 2020 karaoke

It's not about the touch, more abut JK's reaction to it.

And how can I leave this last one out?

JK just moving that pesky crop top aside to caress JM’s waist/hip skin on skin, a little smirk on his face when he moves in, JM mostly non reacting although if you do look closely you can see a tiny little smile there towards the end when JK starts playing with his fingers on his bare skin. This screams of two people who are physically intimate.

Feel free to add more examples. Maybe I'll make a part 2 for this one too.

Happy pride month.

#Jikook #Kookmin #Minkook #Jungkook #JK #Jimin #JM #Jikook intimacy

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mxomo · 1 year

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please, omi ♡ ︎sakusa kiyoomi

You ask Sakusa for a favour after you split with your ex. c/w: mild angst (for plot), nsfw themes a/n: this has been in my drafts since 2020 hahah. valentine’s day deserves a 2 post thirst day. ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝

"I don’t think that’s the best idea.”

"Please, Omi,” you pleaded breathlessly, hands balled tightly into his shirt as he looked down at you blankly. “Please. I love you so much more and I don’t want- please, I don’t want him to be the last person I touched like that.”

Kiyoomi didn’t think, he simply knew it was a terrible idea. You were best friends, you had been best friends for as long as you could remember. He was pretty confident that you could do or say anything together and things would work out fine.

Sucking his dick though? That might be a step too far.

Oh, don’t get him wrong, the thought of his cock down your throat was one he’d indulged in many times over the years. In fact, he was pretty certain that if that ever did really happen, he could cum and die in your mouth the happiest man in history. But that didn’t change the fact that you’d come up with a terrible idea.

You devious, delicious little minx. You knew, you knew that he couldn’t say no to you.

He didn’t trust himself to speak, able to only frown as he tried with all his might to maintain some semblance of willpower. Difficult. Hard. Like his fucking cock, the traitorous prick, which had stood up in immediate attention as soon as you’d said, full of tears in your hateful tirade against your piece of shit ex completely out of the fucking blue, “Please let me suck your cock, Omi.”

Kiyoomi would swear later that he meant to say no. When he opened his mouth, he’d meant to say ‘no, go take a cold shower’; it wasn’t his fault that you slid down his body at that exact moment. No man in their right mind could turn you down after feeling your tits brush past their already painful erection like that, so it was obviously beyond control what actually came tumbling out of his mouth:

“Just this once,” he breathed. His willpower crumbled to dust as he lost to your pouting face, your pretty eyes, your reddened cheeks that were looking at him so earnestly, so pitifully. “Only once.”

Only once became twice, five, ten times, until and far beyond the point he found himself pining for you every day, desperately tugging on himself for relief, and you were doing the same.

masterlist

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the-90s-music-colosseum · 5 months

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Quarterfinals, Match 3

expand to see all propaganda received!

PJ Harvey:

"She's just so real, Polly Jean with her thinness and her red lips and her talent. The woman who dumped Nick Cave with a phone call!"

"no other musician in this entire tournament has an album where there are two different songs about having an enormous strap-on. and if 50ft Queenie and Man-Size weren't enough, she followed it up with ANOTHER on her next record. stream Long Snake Moan"

Stone Gossard:

"Have you seen that jawline?"

"Would you just look at the hair, the eyes, the jawline. He's cute and funny and a guitar god. Who else could write the riff in Once? Alive? Even Flow?"

"Search for Stone Gossard and auto fill suggests Stone Golem 5e. As somebody said he looks like sexy Squidward."

"Anthony had noticed Stone's interest over the last few months. Stone was cute, with his long hair and his nimble guitar playing fingers. Anthony harbored a few fantasies himself, mostly involving Stone's fingers being put to good use. He often imagined, when he was lying in bed fingering himself, that it was Stone's fingers instead. It would leave him panting and sweating just thinking about how good it would feel. Anthony was certain Stone didn't have a lot of experience, and there were some things he would definitely be honored to teach him given the chance. He was about 90% sure Stone was a virgin. That would explain why he was so shy. The water park was small enough that they had the whole place to themselves. As both bands enjoyed the slides and the fountains, Stone found himself working up the nerve to talk to Anthony. Not that he hadn't talked to him, but he hadn't said much more than a passing "hey, great show." Anthony, for his part, was formulating a plan. He would be the one to make the first move. Swimming over to Stone, he cleared his throat. "Hey." Stone blanched for a moment but gathered his composure back. "Hey yourself." "Um, so, listen. You wanna come back and hang out after we leave here? My room has a VCR and any movie you want." Stone considered for a moment. Anthony was asking him if he wanted to come back to his hotel room? Maybe there was a God. "Sure. I guess. I don't have anything else to do. Movies sound cool." And maybe more than a movie... Later on, after the two had shared a slide and splashed each other several times, Stone riding on Anthony's shoulders in a game of chicken against Eddie and Chad, the two made their way into Anthony's room. "Alright dude, I've got Pretty Woman, Back to the Future, Ferris Bueller..." Anthony ticked off the options. "Bueller is fine. You wanna order a pizza?" Anthony nodded as he slid the tape into the player and pushed the play button. Stone called the pizza place and ordered two large everything pizzas and two cokes. Now content that they had their evening's activities planned, Anthony turned to Stone. "Listen, I didn't just ask you here to watch a movie and get pizza, Stone. I need to be honest with you. You intrigue me. You're so intelligent and sexy. Can I kiss you?" Anthony asked him. Stone, heart pounding in his chest, could only nod his head. Anthony leaned in, kissed him full on the mouth as if to suck out Stone's breath. He slipped his tongue in Stone's mouth and massaged it gently with his. Stone let out a moan, who knew you could get hard with just a kiss? Ianlilith1316. "Can't Resist." Rockfic. 1 August 2020. Accessed 21 November 2023. "

"he’s my wife he’s my wife he’s my wife he’s my wife he’s my wife he’s my wife he’s my wife he’s my wife he’s my wife he’s my wife he’s my wife he’s my wife he’s my wife he’s my wife he’s my-"

"Clearly hand-crafted by an incredibly horny Renaissance artist. Like Botticelli. And y’know what they say about paintings…nail ‘em against the wall ;)"

"He is the queen of grunge!!! How could you not vote for him?!??!"

"A vote for Stone is a vote for Squidward."

#most attractive 90s musician #poll #polls #pj harvey #polly jean harvey #stone gossard #pearl jam #temple of the dog #90s music #tournament

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gemilee · 1 year

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lovesong.

this will probably be spilt into 2/3 parts. also this is my first time writing so im sorry if it sucks😭(how do i turn comments on)

warnings: talks of being abused and cheating.

summary: after your last relationship 2 years ago, you didn’t want anything with anybody until you met him.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

after spring 2020, you never wanted to be in a relationship again. your ex trevor was perfect when you first met him and you would die by that. he took care of you, helped you whenever you needed it and always made sure you were alright. that was until things changed for the worse. the nights he would yell at you, hit you and come home with a distinct smell of perfume that definitely wasn’t yours all made you realize that everything was different.

FLASHBACK:

he stumbles through the door again with that perfume smell you recognize every time after his long night out.

“where were you” you asked walking over to the door with tears in your eyes.

“i told you i was gonna be out all night, you fucking knew this y/n”

you stood there in silence thinking silently, finally deciding you knew what you had to do no matter hoe bad it hurt.

you walked away into his room grabbing all your things as he follows behind you.

“what the fuck do you think you’re doing y/n”

“im leaving trevor. im sick of the way you come home every night with the smell of another woman, im sick of being hurt everyday and i can’t stand around for this fucking shit anymore.”

trevor looks at you in shock and tries to grab you but you raise your hand and slap him as hard as you can leaving him mouth opened.

END OF FLASHBACK.

ever since then you’ve never been interested in romance but that all changed today.

OCT 17 2023

every year around this time, there’s a big fall party along the streets of your city so you chose to attend today.

as your taking pictures for your instagram, you hear a voice that melts you speaking to you.

“you know if you zoom out on the camera the pictures will come out less blurry and better” the boy laughs.

you turn around and you’re met with the cutest boy you’ve ever seen and all you could do was stare.

“you okay?”

“oh yeah sorry haha thank you”

“you’re soooo welcome” he says, pitching up his voice.

you start to walk away feeling completely embarrassed after that encounter until you hear that sweet voice again.

“excuse me, i never got your name” he says walking up to you staring right into your eyes.

“and why would you need my name”

“maybe i think you’re pretty and i wanna get to know you”

you stood still for a second and all you could think about was how everything played out last time but that definitely didn’t stop you.

“y/n. it’s y/n.” you said with a hint of sass.

“what a lovely name y/n” he says with a bright smile on his face. you swear the way he says you’re name could make you fall to your knees.

“well now that you got my name, what’s yours”

“i’m jack champion. now that we know each other’s names, would you like to walk through this with me” he asked with a teasing smile and a glint of hope in his eyes.

“i thought you’d never ask.”

#jack champion #ethan landry #avatar way of water #beabadoobee #lovesong #jack champion x fem!reader #jack champion fluff

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amethystina · 1 month

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A health update (and a general explanation of my long Covid)

So while I've been pretty open about living with long Covid, I realise I've never taken the time to explain what that actually means for me and my quality of living. It's a phrase I toss around but I can imagine it doesn't feel all that substantial to a lot of you.

So I figured that now that I'm feeling a bit better (more on that later) I should do so. Partly because I figure it will make it easier to understand why I sometimes have to disappear for weeks on end.

So, if you're interested, feel free to keep reading under the cut :)

But be warned: It's long and kind of whiny. But also ends on a high note! So there's that.

The first time I caught Covid was around Easter 2020, long before there were any vaccines, which meant that I was hit hard. But no matter how bad I felt during the illness itself, the aftermath has been ten times worse. I've been living with my long Covid symptoms ever since, so for four years now. They worsened for a couple of months when I caught Covid a second time in February 2021, but have otherwise held pretty steady during those four years.

A lot of people experience different symptoms with their long Covid and, sometimes, they'll change as the weeks and months go by. I actually had a very interesting couple of months during 2022 when my sense of smell just went completely whack and everything suddenly smelled differently than it should. Like, I could be smelling an apple but it did not smell like an apple. It was a weird time in my life.

Anyway. My most common symptoms are fatigue, fevers, joint pain, brain fog, memory issues, incoherent speech, and lowered blood circulation.

(The latter actually kickstarted the Raynaud's syndrome I have on my mother's side so now I struggle with fingers and feet that will occasionally go white, bloodless, and completely numb at random intervals. Fun times)

The fatigue and fevers are the worst by far. For the past four years, I have had exhaustion fevers between two to five times a week. Or every single day if I'm unlucky. It's very much tied to how much sleep I'm getting, how well I'm eating, and how many taxing things I do each day. I need eight hours of sleep to be functional and anything less than that will most likely mean I'll end up having a fever before the day is over.

Unfortunately, I've always had issues with my sleep so, on most nights, I don't get eight hours even if I try my absolute best. Sometimes it's because I wake up too early and can't fall back asleep and, sometimes — because my life sucks — it's because my fever is so high that I can't fall asleep. Cue the endless cycle of too little sleep and fevers.

Because one of the main issues with these exhaustion fevers — and what makes them so difficult to manage — is that there's no way to lower them. Medicine has no effect whatsoever. Once I have it, I just have to suffer through however many hours are left until I can sleep and hope that it'll be gone in the morning. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.

And every day my energy level gets just a little bit lower and the fever a little bit higher. Some days, all I can do when I get home from work is to lie on the couch and stare at the wall because I'm too tired and in too much pain to even watch something. And, again, no amount of medicine helps.

It continues on like this for a while and, every third or fourth month or so, the strain eventually becomes too much and I fall ill. My body simply shuts down from the continued stress and exhaustion, to the point where I can barely get out of bed. And, usually, I can feel it coming. On top of the fevers, I start coughing, then get a headache, and then my nose gets stuffy. And, by that time, I know I have about two to four days before I get sick. It's so accurate that my coworkers have learned that when I give the sign, they have to tell me whatever tasks they need to be finished within the near future since I'll probably be out of commission for one to two weeks.

But I eventually recover, go back to work, and so the cycle starts again. And again. And again. And again.

For four years.

All of this has, unsurprisingly, affected my quality of life to a pretty significant degree. I can barely work, let alone spend time doing any of my hobbies. I can't really travel anymore and, if I do, I'll get sick from the exhaustion. Even the 50-minute commute to the office (which I have to do three times a week) usually results in a fever before the day is over.

This inability to travel was how I ended up missing my maternal granddad's funeral. My shitty relatives didn't tell us the date for when he would be buried until there were only two days left and even if I could have put myself on an overnight train to get there, I knew I would be in no shape to actually be at the funeral if I did. So I couldn't go.

I did go to sit with my paternal grandmother as she was dying but, as expected, I got sick and couldn't return to work for a couple of days afterwards.

I also have to skip most birthday celebrations and any events happening on weekdays since I'm usually too feverish or won't manage the required trip to get there. My life has shrunk so much I barely recognise it anymore. I don't recognise myself. I used to be one of those people who could do a million things at the same time and somehow complete all of them. I was firm, organised, and efficient.

And now I'm not.

(... or, well, technically I am — at least compared to many others — but not compared to how I used to be xD)

Point being, a lot of things have changed and I don't like it. But, with that said, I'm also well aware that I'm lucky to be alive and I'm fortunate enough to have a stable job and a roof over my head. So, all things considered, I'm still doing pretty well.

But I also can't lie and say that this hasn't affected me in a deep and fundamental way. My life has changed and, right now, I don't know if it'll ever return to what I used to consider normal. And dealing with that knowledge — and the grief and fear that comes with it — hasn't been easy. I have cried ugly, self-pitying tears over this many, many times. It's frustrating to have no control over what my body does and to constantly have to be careful of what I do so I don't exhaust myself. I am furious that this happened to me.

But, after four years, there's also a certain amount of acceptance. And while I'm annoyed by my new limitations, I try my best not to feel too sorry for myself. Instead, I try to adapt as best I can, even if I might not always do it gracefully.

That does mean that I sometimes push myself more than I should, though. Because, if I didn't, I wouldn't never produce anything. As depressing as it is to admit, everything I've given you in the past four years has been while I was sick. I don't think a single chapter I've written or drawing I've made has been untouched by this. I've become an expert at writing, editing, and drawing even with a fever.

That doesn't mean I regret it, though — quite the opposite. I think that if I hadn't had a reason to write and draw, I would have felt even worse. A lof of the time, the excitement I feel when I'm able to post a chapter or show off a drawing I've made has been the highlight of my week. It's an accomplishment.

But, that said, it's still hard. Writing in particular. It requires a level of brainpower I can't reach when the fevers are too bad. And so, sometimes, I just can't. I literally just can't.

And, back in January, as I was trying to edit chapter 39 of Who Holds the Devil, I honestly pushed myself too hard. I was so determined to finish it that I didn't let myself see just how bad I was feeling — not at all helped by how emotionally draining the content of the chapter was.

It was only once I finished the chapter and posted it that I realised how absolutely wretched I felt. Not because of the chapter itself, but my lack of compassion for myself, I guess? Because the fevers were bad, I was barely sleeping, and I was both mentally and physically exhausted. And, what was worse, I realised that I was displaying depression symptoms I hadn't seen in over ten years.

All of a sudden, I got annoyed as soon as a minor inconvenience appeared. Everything people said to me was dissected into its tiniest component. I feared that people were secretly hating me. I couldn't meet people's eyes anymore when I was talking to them. I didn't realise I was just sitting there, staring at a wall, until several minutes had already passed.

And, as the final nail in the coffin, I stopped talking about how I was feeling.

And that, right there, is my last warning that I need to do something — always has been, ever since I was a teenager. When I clam up completely, refusing to admit to the people around me that I'm feeling bad, that's when I'm about to spiral.

So, the very next day, I went to my boss and told her that I'm getting burnt out and I need to do something NOW or this was going to turn ugly real soon. Thankfully, my boss is amazing and, after a doctor's visit, I was put on partial sick leave. Right now, I'm working six hours a day instead of eight and, let me tell you, I'm thriving.

Or, well, as much as I can while still having long Covid.

I'm almost angry at how much better I feel because, if I had known, I would have done this a lot sooner. I actually have energy now! I've only had a fever about four times in a little over a month! That's insane! It used to be four a week!

So yeah. I'm feeling better than I have in a long time. The downside is that the partial sick leave is still only temporary and there are no guarantees that I'll be able to keep it. Though, if need be, I'll just have to ask my boss to rewrite my contract and change the amount of hours I work because, man, I don't ever want to go back considering how much better and happier I feel. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I feel like I've gotten my life back. It's not quite the same as before, but close enough to it that I kind of want to cry again — but happy tears this time.

And so I've spent the past couple of weeks just... living? When, before that, it felt like I was merely existing. I've been drawing a lot since that helps with the depression symptoms (which are almost completely gone, thank god) but writing has been harder. Possibly because I forced myself to do it during a time when I felt really, really bad and now I'm instinctively trying to shy away from it. But, since I know that's just my mind playing tricks on me, I'm going to give it another try this weekend. I want to write and I miss the stories I'm working on. And, hopefully, since I'm feeling a bit better, I can maybe get back to a more structured uploading schedule. But we'll see. As always, I can't make any promises.

But that's about it, I guess? I'm feeling better and, since I am, I've been doing a lot of things that I wasn't able to before (like taking walks — I take a lot of walks). And I'm still trying to figure out my new routine now that I work less. And while I still get sick sometimes (I am right now, in fact, due to lack of sleep on Tuesday night) I always find my way back eventually.

So yeah. If you've read this far, thank you so much for your patience 💜 I admit that I don't really enjoy writing things like these since it feels like I'm whining — I was very much raised not to take up space or complain when things are difficult (an unfortunate side effect to being the middle child with two disabled, high-maintenance siblings) — but I also prefer honesty and transparency. And I feel a little guilty since there are times when I've given pretty harsh responses when people question why I'm sick all the time or why I don't upload chapters as often as I used to, but without actually explaining why. So I guess it's time to be honest?

And the truth is that I've been constantly sick for the past four years. Not only due to my long Covid, but also the emotional and psychological toll of all the loss, grief, and pain I've been through. These past four years have been rough.

But I'm not saying that to gain pity or make excuses. I actually think I've done pretty well considering just how hindered I've been. I've improved my drawings so much and have written... god knows how many words. I'm honestly kind of scared to check xD But it has to be over 600k by now, maybe closer to 700k.

I think my only regret is that I haven't been able to engage with you all to the extent I would want. I wish I could be a more active and enthusiastic participant in fandom — to seek you out, hold conversations, and give you all even a fraction of the attention you've given me. I feel like I don't offer you nearly enough.

But I also know that I have to accept my own limitations. So, for now, we'll have to settle for whatever I can give, even if it's less than I would want. But I will keep on creating, trust me on that, because I'm stubborn as fuck and even if my pace is slower, I'm still determined to finish what I start.

And that's the note I want to end this on. I have suffered, yes — more so than I may have expressed to you all — but I've still managed to create some beautiful things. And while I mourn who I used to be and the fact that some of you have never known me at my best, I don't think the me I am right now is all that terrible. Do I want things to change? Yes, definitely. But do I want to change the choices I've made and the things I've accomplished in the past four years? No, I can't say that I do. I'm proud of what I've done, especially considering my limitations.

And, if you're reading this, thank you so, so much for your kindness, compassion, and support. Some of you are old friends while others of you are new, but I am grateful to every single one of you. You have made these past four years more bearable. You have made it easier to keep fighting. You have made it worth it.

Thank you 💜

#Amethystina and Life #I don't really know what to tag this as #A rant?#A rambling?#An explanation?#It's just a lot I guess #And I admit I'm still hesitating whether to post this or not #I don't like talking about things like this #Or draw attention to it might be a better way to put it #But yeah #It's here if you want to read it #But do so at your own risk #Now I'm going to bed #And might just pretend I never wrote this because I feel awkward and embarrassed x'D

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saturnsol · 8 months

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09-16-2020 2:01 PM

To the scorpio who broke my heart-

Spent 3 years of my life revolving my whole existence around you because you were worth it to me.

You were worth the pain and the struggle.

You were worth the confusion.

The indecisiveness.

The back and forth between wanting me and not wanting me.

I would've given everything just to see you thrive and smile and be happy, even if it wasn’t with me.

But you made it clear to me everytime that you didn’t want that.

You weren’t ready.

And as hard as I tried, you still pushed me away.

And I would like to think I could be okay with that.

That I could accept it and take your actions at face value.

But I don't think I could do that.

It still hurts everyday.

And it’s been months since you told me you didn’t want anything to do with me.

I sacrificed so much just for the possibility of you finally being happy.

I put my desires to the side just to make sure I was fulfilling yours.

Only for it to not even be enough.

I've been in love with you since I laid my eyes on you and you just didn’t feel the same.

And I'm learning to accept it.

Yeah it fucking sucks.

But there’s nothing I can do about it.

There’s nothing I can do to make you change the way you feel about me.

Because at the end of the day, I can love you until there’s nothing left in my heart but it doesn’t mean anything if it’s not reciprocated.

I've dealt with unrequited love for too long.

And you feel like a beautiful nightmare I can't seem to wake up from.

You pull me in with your pretty words and you shoot down my ego and confidence with your distance and cold exterior.

There’s nights where I stay up crying and just existing in the feeling of utter emptiness wishing that you would text me and tell me you can’t live without me.

That you need me.

That you would rather die than see me move on.

But that’s just not the reality of the situation.

And it fucking sucks.

But there’s nothing I can do about it.

The only thing I can do is move forward.

Accept the situation for what it is and try my hardest to forget you.

#scorpio #writerslife #writers and poets #writer things #writerscommunity #poetic #poetry #poems and quotes #original poem #love #heartbreak #heartbroken

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qqueenofhades · 11 months

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I don’t know if this is just because I’ve curated my feeds to show me this, but I actually have a sliver of hope that we may stay blue because of all the kids who will be voting age in 2024 being FIRED TF UP against all the human rights violations the republicans are passing/want to pass into law and like. I don’t want the kids to save us. They shouldn’t frickin have to. But if republicans keep being such raging assholes, if they can hold onto that anger until 2024… they just frickin might. I’m genuinely terrified what will happen if they DO NOT, but I have seen so many late-teens-early-20s kids getting out and voting in local elections and doing other things* that helps that I really, really hope they bring that energy to the 2024 election even if our choices are “old white guy who is Actually Doing Okay (could be better but not Genuinely Evil)” and “Orange Incoherent Criminal” or “ Literal Fascist Wannabe Dictator that everyone else actually hates”

(Also, do I wish we had a better option than Biden? Sure. But he’s not doing nearly as bad as a lot of people INCLUDING DEMS want us to believe. Like no maybe he’s not MANY things, but what he is doing is pretty darn good and big and it’s not actual genocide so like. Can we all suck it up ONE MORE TIME PLEASE???)

(*the biggest energy I saw was with the Tennessee Three and I’m like PLEASE BRING THAT ENERGY TO THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION I AM BEGGING YOU)

I mean... like I keep saying, the Republicans aren't trying so hard to outlaw voting because they truly think their policies are popular and people legitimately want to vote for them. They have lost the popular vote in every presidential election except one (2004) since the start of this century, and yet in that time, we have still had 12 years of GOP presidents, because the Electoral College sucks anti-democratic donkey dick so hard.

Likewise, yes: if we get our act together and vote in equal or higher numbers than 2020 and 2022, we will probably-to-definitely win. A turnout of just 27% of Gen Z voters stopped the Red Wave in 2022, so if yknow, a few more of them would do so in 2024, that would be nice. Republican policies are toxically unpopular with young people, but these are often also those most susceptible to "evil Democrats/both sides bad" anti-voting propaganda, so it's not always clear how this adds up to extra points for Team Blue.

Anyway, at this point, it's still too early to know what the hell will happen between now and November 2024, how Felonies Georg's charges numbering possibly in the literal hundreds will affect the race, or any of that. As ever, however, we do know that the crazies WILL vote en masse, like they always do, and it is up to us to do our part.

#dream-thieves #ask #politics for ts

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choices-binglebonkus · 1 year

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So now everything starting in 2024 is going to be VIP, even sequels. PB’s taken their greed to a whole new level.

Am I surprised? No. Am I disappointed? Very.

Back in the 2016 to 2018 era, PB’s greed was at its lowest. Yes, they did have plenty of cash-grabby diamond scenes and outfits, and when Nexon came into the picture, that’s when collectibles became a thing in Choices series.

But not only was the greed pretty low, Choices had genuinely captivating stories with lovable casts of characters. There was innovation. There was real love and passion that went into these stories and characters. There was real character development, real story progression, and real relationship formation between the characters.

Yeah, Choices began to dip during 2019, and it got really bad during 2020 and onwards. Not-so-coincidentally, VIP released on July 21, 2020. It was around this time that the stories stopped being creative and fun, and became more of a chore to read, and in some cases, just mindlessly tap through for diamonds. More on this in a minute.

The lovable friend groups of the old days are gone, having been replaced by either 1-2 “best friends” who are just reused character sprites or simply no friends but the love interest(s) themselves.

Old Choices books gave us a ton of love interests to pursue, many of which had their own unique routes and dialogues. We typically had three, four, five, even six love interests in some cases. But nowadays, we’re lucky if we get two, and even then, they’re typically race and gender customizable, which makes them feel less like actual characters and more like interchangeable parts.

To add insult to injury, we now have mediocre or outright bad stories on top of the uninteresting friends, robotic (and toxic) love interests, and mounds of collectibles and diamond outfits to sift through. Stories that push a forced romantic or sexual narrative to make us spend our diamonds on raunchy scenes with the, again, boring at best and toxic at worst, love interests. Who, not to mention, typically have really ugly or unappealing character designs.

So to sum it all up, we’ve lost innovative stories and characters, and have gained…well, nothing. I don’t want to give up on Choices because plenty of the books they’ve already fully released have been good, and they still come out with gems every now and then. Plus, Choices has gotten me through some very dark times in my life, so I really don’t want to ditch it. But PB is making it very, very hard.

And you know what else? What really stings is that Storyscape (yes, I’m going there again), the only app that could’ve been real competition for Choices, got snatched away from us far too soon.

It really is a “you either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain” situation.

And that fucking sucks.

#anti vip #anti vip choices #vip choices #choices vip #choices stories you play #playchoices #choices stories we play #pixelberry #pixelberry studios #playchoices fandom #choices stories you play fandom #choices stories we play fandom #long post

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souji-upseta · 3 months

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yo my name is nyx, it's my birthday today (2/3). my birthdays have sucked SHIT the past few years for reasons that are depressing—

—cringe is also dead, i killed her myself, and i'm still grieving her loss. its been very hard for me—

—since i am the protagonist of Me and can do st abt this, this year i turn 31, and i will at some point turn 31.4, with all of this in mind, what do i want for my birthday? i'll tell you:

to talk about homestuck.

i'll do that, anyways, but you'd be doing me a gift by giving me a prompt to follow, and to feel slightly more validated in my inability to shut up about my hyperfixation.

so i'm asking YOU to talk about homestuck with me.

talk to me abt homestuck? ask me my headcanons. my thoughts. my relationship to the work. tell me yours. expect nothing that's profound, and plenty that's stupid.

i'm even turning anon on, for the first time in 6 fucking years. where making this happen.

this never expires btw. today is my birthday, but, for story purposes, let's say that it's still my birthday after it isn't, bc i will still want and, if i am honest, NEED you to talk to me about homestuck for years onward. i'm very metatextual like that.

i get the feeling it's going to be a long day.

>Nyx: Be the other guy.

You are now the other guy! What will you do?

>Web Tumblr User: Inbox Tumblr user souji-upseta?

>Mobile App Tumblr User: Do that, but hyperlink is unavailable?

=(n×∞)>

FOURTH WALL BREAK!

you are now nyx again, and i am now me, and i need to exposit some lore.

as in, some starting points to get u going, since "homestuck" is a very broad subject:

•i'm a massive massive slut for the epilogues and post canon content/hsbc. pesterquest is too good for this gay earth.

•dirk is my fav, ALL of the dirks, all of them, and it isn't even close. my fav relationship is the canon platonic/familial one between dirk and dave. i fucking love the striders. dave is my 1.5th fav.

•im more invested in dave's relationship to corndogs (and corn dogs) than you even know.

•mspa reader is my second fav after the striders, bc they are a good thembo friendsimp and also bc they are me and they are You. i might be biased. i love You. i love me. i love us. we're fucking gr8.

•im pretty canon-compliant, so my fav ship is dirkjake as exes (for now), and my fav ship as not-exes is panquadrant (canon) davekat.

i'm also really fascinated by rosemary and would welcome more opportunities to learn abt and talk about them but if homestuck makes a statement about anything it's to let the women and the sapphic characters tell their story (thats a joke, talk to me abt them too)

•june eg(g)bert real.

•i'm fascinated by classpects and the applications of paradox space's classpecting and extended zodiac system when applied to real life, since our only experience of those fictional systems is in linear dimensions of spacetime, and our only experience of astrology is as a species that in-universe cannot experience the sign caste system the same way the fictional aliens that created our species in their own image do. skaia knows, but we sure as fuck don't.

•i'm a former prince of heart (2012-2020) and a current knight of space, and my aspect is light. that is a thing that actually makes perfect sense for the reasons i just said.

don't ask me about vriska serket or (vriska) serket. not bc i'm not willing to discuss dark or problematic characters (hello, lanque bombyx) but bc:

for one, she can speak for her damn self, and has, tyvm.

for two, talking at length about a problematic character in any positive capacity marks you as an enemy of the state if that character is a woman, and being an enemy of the state is way too much fucking pressure for me for reasons i already explained as soon as i told you i'm a knignt of space. i wouldnt make a very good enemy of the state. it'd be an unhealthy blackrom relationship to the detriment of us all.

for three, i can just give you all my opinions/headcanons on vriska that matter:

•JOHN HUGGING VRISKA IN HSBC YESSSSSSSSSS

•she's greasy and gross and unkept af but not unclean or unsanitary, like, she bathes, she smells fine, she changes her clothes, but she's got the troll crust punk aesthetic absolutely on LOCK. she doesn't comb her hair.

•it would have been funny if she did even more bad things

•aradia did nothing wrong. vriska did but the meme is funny even if someone needs to take that meme out back and shoot it for the good of humanity.

•she should beat up ultimate dirk, and my reasoning for that is bc that would, also, be really fucking funny if she did

•john has both punched her in the face and hugged her, and now that john has punched aranea in the face, all that's left is for june—i assume she will have come out of her egg(bert) by then—to hug aranea and complete the circle of stupidity.

•she is trans yeah but she doesn't wanna get into it, she doesn't have to, and neither do i.

•vrisrezi most important relationship in homestuck.

there. you already got me to talk about vriska at length, and you didn't have to try. moot issue.

#homestuck #dirk strider #dave strider #june egbert #vriska serket #dirkjake #davekat #strider bros #homestuck epilogues #homestuck post canon #homestuck meta #homestuck shitpost

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asukaskerian · 4 months

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monthly word count + year total

TOTAL FOR DECEMBER: 3 844 words. ..hhghgb i thought it was moooore

POSTED: nothing.

IN PROGRESS: -madatobiizu ABO cherry wine verse (979 words) -bleach pack fuckening ABO verse, baby cuteness (450 words) -bleach suburban ot4 (1 414 words) -bleach psychic wolves (377 words) -bleach bloodsport (624 words)

YEARLY TOTAL:

jan: 4 700 feb: 6 014 mar: 4 512 apr: 4 889 may: 1 719 jun: 1 184 jul: 2 271 aug: 1 615 sep: 3 026 oct: 2 109 nov: 4 272 dec: 3 844 TOTAL: 40 155 AVERAGE: 3 346.25

yeah so the downward trend is getting obvious. HHHHHH.

2010: 136 235, average: 11 353/month. ... :X :X :X 2011: 167 675, average: 13 973/month. :X 2012: 332 396, average: 27 700/month. eeeeeeee. 2013: 396 917, average: 33 076/month !!!!!!!! 2014: 315 332, average: 26 276/month ... :X 2015: 206 403, average: 17 200/month. 2016: 127 495, average: 10 625/month. >:( 2017: 80 828, average: 6 736/month. .__. 2018: 128 033, avergage: 10 669/month. FUCK YOU 2017. 2019: 159 609, average: 13 300/month. huh! 2020: 105 791, average: 8 816/month. ... hhghhrhhhhhhhhhhhhhh flops. 2021: 101 776, average: 8 481.33/month. =__= 2022: 73 461, average: 6 121.75/month. hhAHHJZVB WORSE THAN 2017 2023: 40 155, average: 3 346.25/month. this used to be three months' worth. hgh.

FICS I POSTED THIS YEAR:

-Howling Outside Your Door : Grimmichi pack fuckening : Chapters 5, 6 and Epilogue -Cherry wine chapter 8 (madatobiizu ABO) -Ichigo centric sequelette to Howling Outside Your Door (grimmichi pack fuckening ABO)

I did work on suburban ot4 and STILL don't wanna post it in public but otherwise it's still all half-dying fics trying to crawl back to the surface. no new ideas or anything. this *sucks.*

have some teasers anyway.

-- cherry wine --

"Don't joke. The cheeky omegas are already coming out of the woodwork as it is."

"Ah… Yes? Your fault for reacting to that girl the other day. Now they think that's your type."

Madara didn't truly change his posture but suddenly he looked a little more tired. "I thought that was why Raiha's niece seemed to have had a personality transplant."

"Aheh." Izuna hadn't even been sure he had noticed. "Mmh. Yes."

Huffing, his brother leaning on one elbow, fist mashed against his mouth grumpily, and glowered at the Lightning envoys who were doing nothing to ask for it.

"I didn't even want her, I just thought she was amusing. Who even wants to take someone to bed that they could break in two sneezing too hard?"

Izuna tried not to look too amused as the Lightning envoys went to sit and the Water ones started up the alley, lest they take it personally.

"Hm, yes, let's not tell people you like dangerous shinobi better, if that's all the same to you. They'd have a much better chance of assassinating you."

Madara threw him an irritated glare that became a watchful glance over Izuna's shoulder. Izuna fanned himself absently and took his time turning to see which of the Water Country envoys had --

Hm.

Why was this little blond brat dragging behind to grin at Tobirama.

bleach pack fuckening ABO

Ichigo feels so stupidly nervous watching Grimmjow's pack investigate his apartment. His apartment with the huge bath he never uses and the sunken living room-couch area and fuck, all his pillows and blankets are in the cupboards after the grueling wash they all needed last time his pack stayed over. Renji makes a mean cocktail but by god they stain.

He's going to look like he's trying too hard if he gets out the cushions now, isn't he.

"You, uh. Need--"

"You going to close the wards, Shinigami?"

Ugh. Ichigo makes a face at the blond one. He seems to remember he's an asshole.

Wait, they're all assholes. They hang out with Grimmjow. Have to be just to survive him, no doubt.

As he turns to seal the wards again, he catches a glimpse of the man himself, standing wih shoulders loose and hip cocked as he surveys the place. In the crook of his arm is the b-- his -- Ichigo does up the wards.

suburban ot4

"Ichigo made a pretty big decision on his own, and he didn't talk to me. He shared it with this other person as a, a done deal thing, and he didn't even talk to me about it."

Grimmjow whistles low and quiet between his teeth. "Yeowch. I'll dig a hole behind the gazebo."

Orihime blinks. "To put his--"

"Corpse, yeah, I'll make it square so it doesn't pop up too much, we just gotta fold him up a bit."

"… Pff."

"Plant some flowers on top to make it look legit with the loose soil. Gorgeous blooms."

Orihime presses both hands against her mouth, and still cackles. "Mean!"

"Or hey, tomatoes, some peppers. Delicious."

She giggles some more. Ah, it fixes nothing, and yet it's like being tickled out of a heavy coat. Freeing, like she can breathe a bit better as it drops around her feet.

"Sounds -- hehe, sounds good. Adzuki beans? Mm, I could make my own paste."

He smirks, just a little bit.

"… Haaaaa. I should probably try talking with him before the… gardening."

Grimmjow-san scoffs. "Quitter."

"Grimmjow-san!"

"Yeah, yeah, maybe. I mean, you're giving up an occasion of growing his namesake on the corpse of the guy who wronged you, which is the coldest, most badass shit, but you do you. Tch'."

… She'll feel a little bad in a minute that she laughed, because strawberry jokes are the lowest of -- hahaha -- hanging fruits.

bloodsport (ichigo, charlotte, luppi)

"… What's your names, anyway," he mumbled a fifteen minutes' bullet train ride later. "And do I, um. Pronouns."

Being laughed at was almost more of a relief than it was embarrassing.

"Listen, home is just kinda -- hngh. I mean? Gay people exist--"

The small one's face spasmed; their emotions -- yeah, Ichigo didn't want to notice that howling disbelief or the edge of hysterical hilarity that went with it, thanks.

"They still have to marry and have children. I mean, if they're echt. Duty to the blood. Whatever. So gender stuff is, uh. Yeah. Not really. Fuck."

Askin concealed a grimace a beat too late. The tall one grinned genially, leaning toward Ichigo and Askin with their hands linked sweetly behind their back. "You poor deprived chickies! You confused sweethearts. I am going to open your minds so wide--"

"Ugh," the small one cut in, rolling their eyes, and got a toothy, brilliant smile aimed their way along with a sharp threatening I-will-cut-your-neck gesture.

"To start with! Arrancars have been known to reproduce asexually. In the first couple generations, or maybe when the blood is very strong, but!"

"Didn't Starrk bud out a little girl ten years back."

"That guy's a freak though. Leading to! Two, the gender binary is for squares. Still with me, chickies?"

"Uh. Yeah."

"Three, I'm the womanest woman who has ever womaned."

"Oh." Yeah, good thing Ichigo had asked. Her voice was, uh. Deep. And the contrast between her mannerisms and makeup and her T-shaped frame, thick with muscle--

"But also, transcending the restrictive gender binary inherited from our caveman ancestors back on Earth is excellently beautiful and I am, naturally, first place at it."

grimmichi psychic wolves

"So he just… decided to ditch us."

Yylfordt said nothing for a few seconds, and then all at once grabbed a chair and flung it to the floor, along with the clothes and books piled up on it. Nakeem watched the books scatter, sliding along the linoleum.

"What the fuck! What the fuck?! Why would he do that? We're the best, baddest fucking squad, we're fucking black ops at the top of the game, what fucking reason would he have to fucking leave?"

More silence, out loud. Inside their minds everyone was buzzing incoherently, tidbits of denial blurring past.

Makes no sense, what about his pride, we were gonna be so great--

"He hated the sex," Nakeem said.

He got stared at.

"… The heat sex?" Di Roy asks eventually. "But he always said it was the best sex of his life."

Nakeem considered it. Not wrong, but. "Also the worst."

#teaser #ABO quest #writing woes

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