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brittlebutch · 5 months

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it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time

I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world

And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with

#N posts stuff #one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety #now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body #but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself #like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao #bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something'#like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with #is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again #and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than #'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it #which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that #so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :)#if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively #like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away.#and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered #like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?'#dimension 20 #d20: stupendous stoats #tula #d20lb

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appalachianapologies · 8 months

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[random drabble to get you through the day]

“I was able to hack her stuff pretty easily.”

“That didn’t take long.”

Riley sends Mac a look. “I’m sorry, have we met? Riley Davis, hacker extraordinaire.”

Rolling his eyes, Mac replies, “You know what I mean. What’d you find?”

“The usual. For a double or triple or quadruple—or whatever type of agent she is—Nikki doesn’t encrypt her files as much as she should. I’ve already sent the juicy stuff to Patty.”

“Nice.” Giving a nod, Mac pulls a spare wheeled chair toward Riley’s desk and sits down. “What’re you doing now, then?”

“Oh, just having some fun.”

“Should I ask?”

“Probably not, but I’ll tell you anyway.”

With a poorly contained smile, Mac says, “Go for it.”

“After getting the goods out of her laptop, I hacked into her phone. Weakest wifi password in the history of ever, by the way.”

“Noted.”

“And she’s been listening to Spotify for the past three or so hours, so if I were to guess, she’s probably doing some other task while listening to music in the background.”

Mac gives another nod, still not exactly sure where this is going.

“So, like I said, I decided to have a little fun, and I wrote up some quick code this morning before you and Jack got here.”

“Code for what?”

“Basically,” Riley starts, “I made it so randomly in the middle of her songs, Spotify will pause itself.”

“Is that… it?”

“Yep.”

“Riley, what the fuck?”

Turning her head away from the monitor, she looks at Mac. “What, I can’t have some fun? When I wasn’t doing hacktivist stuff, this is basically all I’d do.”

A stuttered laugh escapes Mac before he can stop it. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen this side of you.”

“She’s been dormant for a while,” Riley confirms, “but I think it’s time I bring that part of me back.”

#i have no idea where this came from btw. it just kinda. happened.#i should absolutely 100% be working on homework but have this instead. and NOW i'll go work on homework #in which vi actually writes #macgyver #macgyver 2016 #angus macgyver #riley davis #drabbles #spy siblings #if anyone tags this with a ship i'm gonna fucking come for you and i don't mean that in a joking manner #anyway. bone apple tea #i just needed to write something before homework mode because i've been lowkey highkey anxious this morning for literally zero reason #and i think it's getting better. still frustrating though. literally no reason for this #me @ my brain: you are in a libRARY NOT A WARZONE CALM TF DOWN #anyway. spy siblings content my beloved <3 #i have many MANY riley thoughts about her not feeling like herself after prison because you know. prison.#and her slowly gaining confidence and being more like the person before prison (not that she can ever be that same person again because tha #t's not how people work and the inherent changing of a person throughout their lifetime is beautiful but you know what i mean #right?#also unrelated but why the FUCK is there a creepy pirate #i hate it

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solradguy · 8 months

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This isn’t Johnny discourse but it is kind of discourse about the discourse about him balding (which he isn’t).

What would it matter if he took off his hat and he was a shining beacon?? The dude canonically fucks (well not canon-canon but I feel like there’s implications of fucks-ing)!! At the most, he would be a Pitbull reference and that would be cool because good for Daisuke. Listen to Timber by Ke$ha (feat. Pitbull).

It kind of felt like they were making jokes at the expense of people loosing hair. It’s like that thing where you shouldn’t make fun of people for ‘X’ because then your friends who ‘X’ will know you think that about them.

John E is cool. I think he’s lame but he’s cool.

-A concerned Jellyfish Pirate

Idk anything about Pitbull, to be honest, but my GOD does he look like he's having the time of his life in the Timber video hahah Been a while since I heard that song...

Anyway, Johnny totally fucks. There's no way a man that toned, running around shirtless all of the time, with that slight yeehaw accent, couldn't find someone DTF with the tiniest bit of effort. He's absolutely gettin it rofl He could still get it if he was bald too, or receding.

I've complained about it on here a bit already, but yeah I don't think people making fun of Johnny because they think he's losing hair realize that a lot of people in real life are going to lose their hair as they age, and their jokes at Johnny are also jokes at these people. It's not even just an issue cis men can have either, everyone's hair thins with age, some just more (and sooner) than others. To make fun of someone, fictional or otherwise, for losing their hair is digging a trench to fill with future self loathing at one's own hair loss. And hair loss in >2023 isn't even that bad anymore!! There are so many ways to manage and style it now.

Johnny's a babe. Big fan of his "dad trying too hard to be cool but is actually somehow still really cool despite that" energy

#asks #Among the death threats I got on Twitter for the Brisket <3 meme 1 year anniversary post were a bunch of transphobic insults towards me too #And at least two of them were insults about how I was gonna go bald because I'm a trans man lol #I felt kind of bad for the cis guys that left those comments because all the (cis) men in my family were hairy bastards well into old age #T on its own doesn't just make all your hair fall out. It follows genetics just like naturally produced T does #Some trans men will lose their hair and some won't. I probably won't until I am VERY old #So them making fun of me for that told me that: 1. They're very afraid of losing their own hair #2. They think everyone else is afraid of losing their hair too (or that everyone thinks it looks ugly. Which is untrue)#3. They think that trans men are especially susceptible to hair loss #I've had a mohawk for about 7 years now. I am very familiar with the shape of my skull and wouldn't mind just going full bald #When it gets that thin and I decide to buzz it off I'll be sad about it for sure. But it absolutely will not be the end of the world #I'll go full Rob Halford haha Going bald is a non-issue #Unrelated but I love Johnny's EN dub accent in Strive so much because 'watered down yeehaw accent' is the only accent I can do well lmfao

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deus-ex-mona · 1 month

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youtube

have you listened to meoto? yes? good!!!!! listen to it again~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!

#i fear that this song has changed me for life dangit #can’t even sit down for 3 minutes without thinking ‘ehehehehehe meoto mv coming soon’#i mean. c m o n. if these two already act like an old married couple 24/7 imagine what they’d do as an *actual* married couple #man. i want the last scenes of the mv to be something like lxl thanking the staff for their hard work at the mv ‘filming’#t h e n aizo trips on his hakama as they turn to each other or sth and falls forward and they accidentally kiss just as the song ends—#d. d o you s e e my vision auauauauauauauaaaaaaa #i can’t w a i t to see how they’ll even be able to act more lovey dovey than they do in *that* ny aizo unevolved 5⭐︎#anyways. i think everyone needs to listen to the lxl album radio tracks instead of wondering if there even will be a meoto mv #c’mon guysssss they outright confirm its existence t h e r e it’s just a matter of w h e n it comes out now auauauauauauaaaaaaaaaaaaa #. or actually. maybe don’t listen to the first lxl radio. if i didn’t i wouldn’t be thinking about the meoto mv 24/7 #hauauauauauuauaaaaaaaaaaaaa meoto mv w h e n hw pls give some crumbs im begggingghhhh #anyways. i think it’s about time for a meoto tag to filter out all this nonsense.#LXL MEOTO CRISIS 2K24 #there… now time to go back to retag everything else lmaoooooo #染BODY ONCE TOLD ME—

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theinfinitedivides · 8 months

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Not Ramaiya Vastavaiya is Jawan's equivalent of Jhoome Jo Pathaan with a hint of Besharam Rang!Spanish era and (i will swear by this) Tattad Tattad energy thrown in for good measure. i am trying to come up with coherent thoughts bc anything i could put on the internet rn will land me in horny jail but i am calling that sh*t out when i see it

#film: jawan #jawan #shah rukh khan #srk #nayanthara #bollywood #local gay watches Bollywood.txt #bisexual behavior???? bisexual visuals???? Shah Rukh's wardrobe as a cross between Jab Harry Met Sejal and Pathaan????#oh God oh f*ck the waist rolls the body rolls the EVERY-F*CKING-THING ROLLS #Nayanthara's hand. on his chest. the shirt is open. she is literally wiping down his abs separated by nothing but a thin #white tank top. the THRUSTS #and the girl squad with the guns at the end this is f*cking insane sh*t #they said drop the club banger of the summer in the last week of August the actual f*ck #can we talk about how they got Vishal and Shilpa on the Hindi version. Bollywood is healing i can see it on the horizon #Telugu version is my least fav rn unfortunately but that's probably just me and my preferences. it still f*cking slaps. bitch!!!!#edit: the tank top is red and velvet not white. the scene was in B&W my apologies. or it could actually be white and it's just #the same style of top they used later. as you can see i am still not functioning #extra editing: upon further listening i think the mixing on YouTube for the Telugu is f*cked. it sounds much better on Spotify #still at n.3 in the ranking but it's more top three now and not top two/whatever the f*ck is going on in that corner

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belethlegwen · 2 months

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HEADCANNONS OF YOUR BABES

Henry would not lose gracefully in chess

Mel has a wicked squat

Devon is very good in the kitchen

If Peter were ever given the go at a break room (one of those places you can just break stuff) it would give onlookers nightmares

If Daniel Grant got drunk enough he would absolutely steal the show at karaoke

Lionus is by a mile the best dancer on site

If given the opportunity Miller would jump at the opportunity to take a nap on a squishmallow

HELLO

THESE ARE ALL FANTASTIC

God I'm dying. these are wonderful, fantastic. Devon being good in the kitchen? That had literally never even crossed my mind but I could *totally* see it. Daniel at Karaoke is murdering me dead, but not as dead as PETER IN A BREAK ROOM.

And god, I feel like we are all Miller. Everyone wants at least ONE squishmallow nap in their life.

Thank you so much for these!! <3 <3

#gtWAC #g/t WAC #gittywhack #these brightened my day significantly <3 #things are going WELL on my end btw but just... lots of shit going down at the end of this month/beginning of next #and shit likely won't be fully settled until closer to April #BUT #Things are going in a positive direction thank god #asks and answers #g/t #giant/tiny #giant tiny #g/t author #g/t writing #gtauthor #author thoughts #big little thoughts

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leonstamatis · 4 months

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the thing that helps me sometimes wrt numbers brain is that the most popular fic isn’t actually gonna be the best fic, pretty much ever, bc the things people gravitate toward are the things that appeal to the largest number of people instead of the sort of weird offbeat passion projects i frequently throw myself at. the things that do numbers are bigger fandoms and popular ships and (often) watered down characterizations or popular tropes, none of which is what i really enjoy doing ninety percent of the time.

#what are my most popular fics you may well ask?#o/f/m/d by a long shot.#then a t/a/a/kitz fic from AGES ago when t:b was winding down #then a very fanon-compliant jason fic.#then a very fanon-compliant j/o/y/fire fic.#and i like all of these fics a reasonable amount. they’re fine.#BUT.#they aren’t the ones i go back and reread all the time.#those ones are the ones that are more personalized and particular to Me.#even in blaseball like. the most popular ones are the ones that comply with popular lore.#and if i were to go in and rework them it would be to make them Weirder and Less Palatable #bc then i would be more fond of the actual content of them #of course that’s not always true. im still baffled by the reception to the scorekeeper fic and various other weird projects #looks at margeese pointedly #but like. those are outliers in the broader spectrum of my works.#idk im just rambling #point is i tend to fall around 30-40 kudos regardless of fandom #and that’s in part bc 1) smaller fandoms 2) less popular ships 3) secondary or tertiary characters 4) in a weird plot #and it’s GREAT it’s so fun to do #okay I’m done that’s it #tam.exe

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grahamcarmen · 6 months

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What do you like most about chase, shadowsan and gray's arc.

i think this counts as long,...

follow me under the cut anon!

CHASE

I was thinking perhaps that i did not do it alone- for chase

concise way to show his understanding by repeating julia's words, which means he also accepts that carmen is a force for good and helped on this case, and even gives some positive feelings towards zari who is his current partner. 3 in one appreciation and understanding. and one that leads into (for me anyway)

"I really hope chief's plan works."

so back in s1 when chase felt out of the loop, he kinda blew up, took it so personally, and out on julia. and its not a flaw that he's unaware of even if he decides to still ignore her input (you're only good for wrecking cars and bullying your partner!). and as much as i appreciate that he's no longer jabbing at her love for art history in particular i'm also glad that he's gotten to a healthier place of being able to express that worry so simply to her by the end of the show. he's not the only one on this case and if he's caught not really listening at the moment it's not from resentment that he might be being made the fool with the situation. he's supporting chief's plan, he's listening to julia happily go into her facts and things, and when he feels worried it doesn't get wrapped in resentment (wow julia is chief's FAVE, carmen is doing MY job better than me) but a much healthier expression of his own doubt especially with the goal in mind, without compounding that into doubt in himself. helping someone he doesn't quite know. he hopes it works! he really does! he's worried! and he tells julia that! simply and truly. idk i think that's neat. chase has always had some really cool traits and abilities (he survives so many body slams lmao/found vile island and chased down for one to ones with carmen a lot/and can be absolutely fearless in tough spots like god..he tried to fight that mind blender/XD sorry i LOVE that boars and truffles line its perfect) but they've been overshadowed by how abrasive he can be at times. and that one moment of it clicking in his brain and working with his team members let so many of those traits have more time to shine! [woo pyramid smack down]

--------------------

SHADOWSAN

SHADOWSAN going from only knowing how to stop carmen from not doing the bad thing to seeing her carve a decent and good path and FOLLOWING HER!

like the coat was empty is like thee line lol but shadowsan after crossing the line by stealing from his own family and narrowly choosing not to hurting his sibling, and not killing her as a baby, and not letting her join a path she wasn't suited for. that's a lot of NOT doing the worst thing but also not having an active choice to do and be better. He was still on that island being faculty and used uhh not the best tactics to dissuade carmen from it.

until carmen decides to leave and he almost leaves with her! and when he can he makes reparations to his sibling. AND THEN HE DOES FOLLOW AND LEARN FROM HER!

It is I who is the student and you the master - shadowsan

andGOD he's actually that commited to learning to be better because that first apology to his brother HURTS. no excuses. it rights the wrong but doesn't heal the hurt yet.

I'M SO GLAD WE GOT SHADOWSAN AND HIDEO REUNITED EVENTUALLY EVEN JUST TO ACCEPT THAT not now but later still have work to do!!!

and that some of that work is that he's still not totally without the need for a structure much like zack and ivy need a home, his communication issues initially (zoom zooms away), and keeping information from carmen when its actually what she needs the most, BUT he's learning and each time him and carmen's bond strengthens and he gets more confident in his place in team red and their mission which he absolutely believes in and it gives him so much hope

and back to the question that always haunts carmen he goes from someone who can only take out the dollar bill from his coat so she can't have it, to someone who does have something hidden there.

her connection to her past :( what actually matters to her and he shows the widdledoll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its a steady road down [what a great backflash story progression], a lull at the mIddle while resisting things that would probably make him condemn himself more fully to VILE, and then just running for that GOOD LIFE! ONE HE CAN BE PROUD OF! and someone he can be proud to go back to hideo as :{{{ go ninja grandpa go.

GRAY/GRAHAM CALLOWAY <3<3

that he's in love with carmen <3 aksdjnfaskfnllsdjfknd

jk jk here i go

er. maybe how such a softie he actually is even when surrounded by saturday villainisms. this always pops up whenever he shows

like i don't think either of his intro's do him any favors lmao (snarky lethal hello or makes fun of someone he doesn't even know) but the way he almost immediately melts into someone who DOES care about attachments, someone who can be poked at to flinch morally(ON THE TRAIN HE!DID! I WON'T TAKE ANY REVISIONISM TODAY), shows a past of constantly being so expressive and supportive for someone else's sake, moments of pulling from the kill move, and betraying that he's a touch insecure with no way to tether that so might as well be what he knows about himself (the greed, the order follower, someone who knows how to cut his losses and suppress any possible remorse for what "needs" to be done)

BUT... that's not who he is wholly. and putting carmen in his proximity reveals that his worst parts aren't all he is, and that he actively accepts his worst choices while rejecting the softer sides of himself, whether that means refusing to be that softer self or refusing to acknowledge its existence matters (and SOMEONE *cough cough* cares about that).

and he's been doing this for a while. like he was a practicing criminal before asking to join but one little interaction with blacksheep let out some of his absolutely SOFT faces and capability for genuine care for someone else spill out a little

he can be absolutely ruthless and that's horrible but he's also got a terrible pokerface because its a scary one but it can't stay up as long as he needs it to whenever we see him. [that's how we catch him lacking for all these pics *_*]

his mean spirited comments turns to protection and friendship

his capture mission turns into a sentimental reminiscence almost immediately

all his pragmatic deal making tendencies are used for something ultimately self sacrificing

being cruel, being greedy, being ambitious, it comes so easily to him he thinks, that its so...something, that being protective, being supportive and sentimental, being self sacrificial also is in him and...it just feels like he's stomping it out on purpose. like duh. VILE agents aren't nice people so doing evil easy things without caring what gets lost is their thing...but it feels...so weird in his case...especially with the way maelstrom tries to edge in that its just "nature"...like

gray big believer in i can make shitty choices all by myself !

doesn't mean they're not choices.

and if we're talking about instincts suppression...

i guess that how it feels seeing him love carmen and try to pretend he doesn't. that it doesn't matter. never did.

...except it does.

gah dude like the way he goes from little :( to hardening back up [I SAW YOU WE ALL SAW YOU]

at least he always has and understands VILE. he's not even half bad at it. why shouldn't he be the guy he's always been? the person he's already committed to being?

...its "easier" no? its a more permanent state of being that gels with his personality, right? its...fun.

he could probably act like its fun forever...couldn't he?

so why not give into THESE instincts* if that's what they are?

[side note: success as a goal tangent idk where to put it so...success...i -maybe tomorrow maybe only in my head]

and by the end i can't say he's totally escaped his current mindset yet but he has gotten to the point of letting his protective nature pop out. it doesn't matter if gray is or isn't a great person. this is what he needs to do now and he's gonna do it. that crackle rod is stun mode only, carmen is outta this stupid isle, and this new chance will be filled with different choices

because he actually can't keep this up as long as he thinks he can. NOT WHEN SOMETHING IS THERE REMINDING HIM WHAT HE'S ACTUALLY LOSING.

gray doesn't inherently moralize what he is anymore [if he ever did to the extent maelstrom thinks VILE agents should] and focuses on what he needs to actually do.

:) the right thing.

so er...specific moment wise. the crackle rod is a good twist. it doesn't undermine the consequences of the decisions made with it in the finale. no one asked him to make it and it affects only civilians who might have crossed his path+ him...and as his own choice it helps facilitate a true new chance

I die on the hill that anytime he shows protectiveness in his amnesia state it counts because he actually IS LIKE THAT OK. he's just telling that side of him to shut up because its not needed now. and it popping up in his non amnesia states is proof <3

and i like that his smirky nature, his shady deal making ways, and directness of action still play a role in his redemption. also the fact that he can't stand sitting still (emotionally or physically)!

he's still him XD

he's just making a choice that calls for him to be what he thinks he isn't capable of being/doing, kind and willing to go to great lengths like carmen with a greater goal in mind....hahaha EXCEPT YOU ARE CAPABLE YOU GOOBER. [sorry the SID lyrics]

And if you believe in the importance of choice...^^

and listen...i don't think gray's arc as is? is done yet actually... i hate it here.

but aaaah he's so fun :D !!! i can't help it my dude little dude!

and i love him a lot <3

TLDR:

I like that chase has a lighter worry moment

I like that shadowsan reunites with hideo and actively is as good as he admires carmen for being

And I like that gray exists. ♡

#asks #sorry this is late!#i was hmmhmmming what i should actually put down #that's 3 arcs...#and gray is still on that hot dog roller at 7/11 #like...a little dude #this was hard because sdkjfnasdkfj because i just went i like that they have arcs :3 #you were there i was there we watched. this show . lmao i'm sorry #edited it like 5 x ill hit publish because i dont wanna look at this anymore #because i feel like i haven't said everything or said it wrong but T-T guys i just wanna -go asdkjfnaskfjnasfkjnkd #that is like the legally accepted reaction i reserve as a right for casual fannism #alhjdfnaskdlfnasd f look at the dude named grayham

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