#4 years and you never tried

[tricoufamily]

visiting the hometown

(want everyone to know this edit came to me in a dream and i changed the lore just to do it)

#in the dream i was like editing it but i was also there? it was weird. it started as a dream about lawson in a zombie apocalypse #ok important tags first so i can write an essay #ts4 #ts4 render #ts4 edit #the sims 4 #beckett #lawson #blood sports #but yeah if you haven't been here before beckett and lawson never knew each other as kids #if they did it would be a butterfly effect and mess w a bunch of other plot details. so i decided to work around it #also if ur new they've had a friends with benefits thing going on for a long time but lawson is in love with him. beck doesn't know #originally beckett was put in foster care as a baby bc of neglect and was bounced around foster homes for years #he was a troubled child always getting in fights a kleptomaniac undiagnosed autism etc etc foster families tried and just didn't want him #then when he was around 12 a very nice old lady named cora got him and they ended up forming a great bond they loved each other #she was going to adopt him then when beckett was around 15 or 16 his birth mother reentered the picture and wanted him back #it started a really nasty legal battle and cora died. we can't say for sure it was the stress of this fight but beckett certainly thinks so #anyway he did go back with his birth mother and things got really bad for him. he dropped out of school started doing worse crimes and so o #but none of that is what even changed #now LAWSON is also from west virigina like beckett. it's a small town lawson was new he had no friends #he was a very clingy possessive child who cried and threw tantrums so much #he met beckett and the rest is history. beckett didn't really mind how lawson acted he didn't really find him annoying like everyone elsedi #besides he didn't have friends either #lawson has wealthy parents they were welcoming to beckett at first if a little apprehensive. then he stole something from their house #and lawson wasn't allowed to hang out with him anymore. but he still did in secret. they still have no idea that beckett's even still aroun #or just how involved lawson is with him and his. activities 😬 they just think he's their good little college boy #in the original beckett moved to Not Gotham City when his mother got him back but in this version lawson is going to college there #and beckett's been distant from him for a while things are awful for him and lawson says hey. what if you gave the city a try. and he did #so really you could say the events of blood sports are all lawson's fault the end

[urproblematicfav-arsonk]

Anthony helped write Fionna and Cake?????????? Oh my god????

#its wild how many pieces of media I've been obsessed with for years this man has been apart of #anthony burch really did invent autisim #i tried googling if Anthony was apart of any eps besides 4 and couldn't find anything #im also stupid #i would joke that adventure time's super ridiculous and silly voice saying silly thing equal comedy anyway heres a heartbreakingly dark ep #that represents trauma and the ways it never leaves you or truly ends would fit Anthony's writing style so well and HERE WE ARE #IM A PROPHET #dungeons and daddies #dnddads #anthony burch #fionna and cake

[rithmeres]

genuinely these panels are going to make me ugly cry

#i'm not back for real yet i think i want to stay away longer. i'm just here to put more things in the queue and answer messages #i really enjoyed trimax vol 4 idk something about it was less miserable than 1-3 #might have been the first volume that i wasn't grimacing the entire time i read it. or maybe i'm just desensitized now. #unironically this prayer is soooo beautiful to me. give us this day our daily bread. not bread for the week not bread for a year #just enough for today. #lately when i've been praying it just looks like #please for the love of god please please please please please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPL #things are not looking good for the community house.. lots bureaucracy with the city. and the church that funded us is falling apart #i don't know what i'm going to do if we get shut down it's the one thing in my life that's worth anything #all those kids... where are they going to go. who is going to help them. where is the neighborhood going to get their food. #in two days it will be the anniversary of [REDACTED] and i am so so so scared #just sat in my room today and fruitlessly scrolled thru jobs im not qualified for & tried not to think about thinking about killing myself #i don't WANT to kill myself i don't want to think about it i hate thinking about killing myself i will never ever kill myself or even try #but there is a demon or perhaps a ghost or evil wizard that tells me there's an easy way everything can go away. and it's A STUPID. BITCH. #please do not reply to this post i know you all mean well but i just don't think i can handle it. #talking about it i mean. and hearing people say nice but empty things. #i just wish i had someone to sit next to me. #personal #i don't want to go to church tomorrow :( it all feels so fake and i do not ever feel fed.

[wanon]

Old memories, Old friends

Don’t tag as d/smp Support me on kofi!

#white maiden au #sobs </3 #tried out a new brush :] let me know what you think #i think i got the hang of it near the end and its not too different from my old one #also page 4's first techno is my favourite. look at him. i love him. #also sorry if techno sounds ooc! these lines are from like a year ago and i never learned how to write him properly

[insidiousclouds]

Selling my art as a teenager really killed my passion for it. I don't want to draw anymore because it feels like work.

#worrying about metrics and exposure also ruined my love of it #i cant draw anymore without thinking about posting it to tumblr and then worrying about if people will even see it #trying to optimize my posting time #i have tried.. for 4 years. #nothing has brought my passion or love for drawing back. #if youre a teenager #do NOT try to monotize ur hobbies #it kills them almost every time #you cant live off commission money it is so much work especially for someone with such little experience #you have to manage EVERYTHING #its not just drawing you have to do customer service you have to advertise you have to manage multiple projects #all while trying not to burn out #dude it sucks.. #i will never get that passion back. #i will never love drawing as much as i did when i was 16

[hollyhomburg]

Where do you shop for your clothes? Are there any particular brands you look out for?

OH SO- this is kinda gonna be a frustrating answer.

i shop almost exclusively at this re-sale/second chance/excess store that puts together the unsold clothing from places like free-people and anthropology and the indy brands that they carry. It's INCREDIBLY local to my stretch of the woods- it's called retail 101 in naugatuck connecticut. i got a 350$ dress new with tags for 30$ and that was the most expensive clothing item listed in the store. it's definitely worthwhile to make the drive. it's about an hour for me, at least two if you're in nyc.

shopping there helps me feel better about getting clothes- because they're generally a lot bit better quality than like h and m or primark (which is what i can reasonably afford). it's also not directly supporting like- all those big businesses and keeps unsold clothes out of the landfill ect. It's helped me get some very very nice clothing for very cheap. it's a very overstimulating experience because it's basically just a football field sized warehouse filled with clothing.

i greatly recommend it if you're overly small or overly large because their greatest selection is in the Xs and Xl range like- I think i saw a size 14 jeans that were originally 400$ on sale for 14$ so- if you're more middle sized it definitely requires some hunting.

but tbh i also hit up the target clearance section for most of my jeans because they have really reasonable sales. i got my favorite pair of ripped jeans there for 6.50$. Target just for some reason happens to fit me pretty reliably- which is honestly rare because i have a 28 inch waist but a 40 inch booty.

#i love clothes and shopping because when i was a kid i never got new or nice things. #like we were a one new pair of shoes a year household #and i got like maybe 4 outfits at a time because that was all we could afford #and even then they were holey and didn't fit me right. #I give myself a budget cuz i know i spend too much on clothing generally #but it's very healing for me to express myself that way #because when i was growing up and until i was in college really- expressing myself that way wasn't really an option. #not to mention the other aspect of my life and needing to be able to run in whatever i was wearing #this is not new holly lore but old holly lore but yeah #being stalked really does do a number on you #its funny because as a result i sort of hate sneakers now like #this is just a me issue but i had to wear sneakers for safety every day #littterally every day #just incase my stalker was following me wherever i was and i needed to run #he hasn't chased me like that since like- the first week of the pandemic so <3 #healing is still happening and i don't wear sneakers anymore #wouldn't be caught dead in em' #not that i haven't tried to get back into liking them and wearing them because some of them are comfortable

[crossbackpoke-check]

Hello, im wehaveagathering from my main blog, im kind of obsessed with your hockey poetry edits and I think your blog is great! I guess I kind of have a dumb question, where do you find the images you use for your edits? Did you say Getty in your tags?? I’ve gotten into making icons recently (and i have ideas for poetry edits hrrrghhh) but it’s hard to find high res images. Thanks for your time and I hope you have a nice day :)

first of all thank you so much 🥹 and second that’s absolutely not a dumb question!! i do pull a lot of images from getty and i’ll also download pictures from sports articles (i got a lot of the hugheses pictures from online access articles, for example), or sometimes from instagram/facebook/twitter if an account is public. freely admitting that i am not technologically advanced? inclined? in the slightest here, but the image editing software that you use and how you import/export photos with it makes a difference in the quality of them as well!

if you haven’t seen them yet, i would also recommend checking out @simmyfrobby @national-hockey-lesbian @hauntedppgpaints @tapedsleeves @starscelly and @captainbradmarchand’s blogs just off the top of my head!!! they might know more places to get high res images and also i love their work 💕🫶

#sorry can’t type hands all butterfly hearts i’m just out here like 🥰🥰🥰🥹🥹🥹😭😭😭💕💕💕 #@ everyone i tagged ty i love you i hope you don’t mind the tag 😘 also i KNOW i am unintentionally forgetting people so tag them at will #forgive me i am eepy. we are running on <4 hours of sleep and over 18 hours awake 🫡 #liv in the replies #join the club!!! join the club!!!!! we love the hockey poetry edits!!!!!! i’m so excited to see what you create!!!!! :))))) #the process of me finding images is very much like. either i have a vision in my head and i troll getty looking for it or my screenshots #if i know i have one l m a o but either way i am always 68 pages deep in a hyper specific search labeling my photos like ‘ohHHH buddy’ #‘menace 1 abd 2’ ‘but he’s not a cup winner’ ‘ohhhh the nolpat media scrums are rich earth’ #‘because WILLY WON’T CUT HIS HAIR’ ‘deJA FUCKIN MILK BAYBE’ ‘is it truly sn edit if u don’t find a devastating baby pic’ ‘yes MF last line’ #and so forth. like. glad it’s comprehensible to ME but if anyone else ever tried to use these photos based on file name alone i am so sorry #also i forget that y’all can’t see all of the metadata notes on photos to know where they’re from :/ i gotta be better abt making it clear #also on the note about image quality i just need to state for the record i am so photoshop whatever illiterate. #i learn one (1) new trick on GIMP a year maybe two if i am lucky & no i have never figured out consistent sizing 🫡 but the one hack for res #i HAVE figured out is that when i do edits i usually make a whole doc w/the poem lined up on it (helps me keep somewhat consistent sizing) #and then i export that document as a pdf and edit the pdf in the software instead of trying to screencap or jpeg or anything. PDF quality > #that is probably so convoluted lol if anyone has tips please lmk i am always learning #ANYWAY. rambling u did not ask for but is inherent to Me. #have a great day too!!!!! you literally made mine so 💕😭 #wehaveagathering #indecisor

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

one thing i’m really realizing about tv-watching lately is that i’m reaching a point where i can’t hold all these shows in my head. it takes so long to have a new season come out that i’ve forgotten all the details of what happened in the previous season unless it’s a show i’ve watched multiple times, which it’s usually not. then i feel like i’m doing wrong by the show by not rewatching the previous season(s) so i can watch the new one as the creators intended it to be watched, with all the emotional threads from the previous season getting picked up and returned to. like, i want those things to HIT the way they’re intended to, but usually they don’t for me in this tv-watching model because it’s been so long that i don’t remember the details of what’s going on or how i was feeling about everything going on on the show where it last left off. i can’t shake the feeling that i need to rewatch the whole show before the new season so it can register with me correctly ... but there are only so many hours in a day, i can’t do that for every single show i watch that drops a new season every year or every couple of years!

tl;dr this is why i am dreaming of majorly cutting down on the amount of tv i watch. my brain just can’t take it in this current format! there are already so many new seasons of shows i loved that i just haven’t seen for this reason. i find myself actively craving, like, limitations to my viewing so i don’t feel like my brain is going to explode. often i daydream of canceling all my streaming services except pbs passport and getting really into antiques road show and this old house.

#being a tv person in the 2020s babe!!!!!! #like -- i loved the first two seasons of servant SO MUCH #i was crazy about it #but then we tried to pick up s3 and i couldn't remember what had happened before #so everything felt off #(i think i might actually start servant again from the beginning since there will be two new seasons waiting for me at this point) #and i never watched recent seasons of you or the flight attendant or harley quinn or russian doll or so many more i could list #just because ... i can't remember!!!!! #currently having a bit of a tough time with his dark materials s3 for this reason #also rewatching 30 rock has me so aware of how much i miss when a show would be part of most of your year #like -- there's the 3/4 month break over the summer #but for most of your year you're getting new content with those characters #man i miss that! #that was really special and i really feel the loss of it #it was so much easier to follow a series that way #anyway this has been my overwhelmed tv ramble! #goodnight!! #dollsome's deep thoughts

[crimsongrimoire]

hi ive been sick so of course that means ive been thinking about kaeya being sick and sooo pathetic about it again

#crow.txt #kaeluc #genshin #snippets #fluff #slowly chipping away at this even more. Ugh #tbh the bulk of this was written like. last night and just now. i was letting the thoughts microwave with my weird intermittent fever #literally got two vaccines at once and got attacked by a secret third thing (the common cold for the first time in like 4 years) #it was somehow the best week i couldve picked to just COMPLETELY miss work apparently so its fine i guess #sidebote dont try to do taxes while sick. i didnt end up completing them but it was funny i even thought i was capable #is this comprehensivle is this legible idk i just want to make kaeya be miserable and forced to let someone take care of him abt it #that is soup for Me. in my Soul. #kaeya be like 'wtf treating me like a little kid' when he said he wanted to be taken care of in the summer event like 2 yrs ago #other people may have forgotten but i have Not i will Never. this man will complain about having adult responsibilities #and then when someone tries to take care of him or do things for him out of kindness hes like HAHA WAIT NOW HOLD ON- #little fool make up your mind. why are you so everything always #kaeya be like relying on someone for something under no guise of professional matters? in MY life? i dont think so #(diluc jean lisa and rosaria will remember this (and not let him get away with it)) #and klee too but like shes little baby she doesnt even understand any of this and he would feel extremely mean rejecting kindness from #a little kid. so sometimes she brings him her funny little toast for breakfast and he says awwww thank you :)

[wereh0gz]

I just want to be done with this one stupid class I don't wanna do shit for it anymore

#ramblings #neg #like genuinely what if i just gave up #i have like 4 assignments left one being the final exam and like #what even is the point if i'm not gonna continue college #it's not like i would even do good in the final bc like half the shit in it isn't covered in the class #either that or it's just not expanded on or explained well enough #it's been the same for the midterm and most of the quizzes #they tried to cram a class that should take a whole year at least into a single semester #and cut so much stuff that is literally crucial to passing with a decent grade #like what is the point really #god i'm so fucking glad i dropped everything else now i know i would've fucking lost it by this point if i hadn't #honestly the only reason i didn't drop this one too is bc i missed the period where i could drop it without paying #since it was on a different schedule than the others i still had enough time to drop them before they charged me for it #which is fucking stupid by the way. making you pay to leave #they should give ppl refunds when they drop out i think #not like i paid for anything since i at least got enough financial aid to cover it all #but anyways fuck this gay earth i hope the entire college institution burns to the ground and no one has to deal with this shit ever again #i'm so fucking tired man #i've never wanted to give up on something more than i have on school #i'd rather do literally anything else

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

i think i've finally come to understand why i'm so bad at communicating with friends 👍 at one point or another i've thought i was in love with every single person i've ever been friends with (for the most part, at least) because i don't expect other people to like me. OBVIOUSLY this is not true but platonic feelings are not dissimilar to romantic ones (baseline they're the same: you want to love and be loved by someone) but i always end up realizing that i'm not in love with them, just that they matter to me very much and i wouldn't know what do to w/o their presence in my life. BUT this brings me to facet number 2 of my awful communication skills: i hate it when things Get Real. i find myself retreating any time it seems like Something Could Change in my day-to-day life due to them being around and "forcing" the change. i run away from talking to one of my only irl friends on almost a daily basis bc i dread the idea of having to do anything she might want me to do. i think, at the end of the day, my problem might just be that i don't want to change... ANYWAYS

#i actually think the funniest example of this comes from the irl guy friend i think i actually DO have romantic feelings for #i never used to have feelings for him but i always kind of nursed the idea of such a thing (as i said i think i could be in love with most #friends before i realize i'm not - but with him specifically i never had a moment where i realized i... wasn't?) also my previously #aforementioned irl friend kind of insinuated he might have feelings for me or we might end up with one another and now every time i think #abt him i think about THAT so. #anyways a few years ago he came by my house and picked me up and we got ice cream and talked for hours bc we have a lot in common #and he actually manages to keep in contact with me despite how hard it is (how hard i make it) to talk to me on a consistent basis lol #like we don't talk a LOT but he's also the one who convinced me to contact my former other irl best friend that i hadn't talked to in 6 yrs #anyways back to what i was talking abt from a few years ago... it was 4 yrs ago at this point but after the ice cream - i got a job #and we talked a lot - he took me and my irl bff out but she had a HUGE fight with her bf and he tracked her down and it was. a disaster #but after that they made up (lucikly she broke up with him not too long after lmao) but me and him were put in the middle of it #and anyways we went to the mall with the annoying couple LMAO but we broke off and it was just... really nice to be with him? #and then we went to walmart and rented a movie and went back to my irl's apartment and i tried to dye his hair in her bathroom LMAO #and it just felt really natural to be close to him and whatnot. we really get along and i really don't dislike him and i'm not NOT into him #but yeah anyways a few days later he messaged me and asked if he could pick me up from work but i told him no because at that point i was. #afraid. because i had a dream that i had kissed hik and he turned into rick sanchez and drowned LMFAOOO IT SOUNDS RETARDED BUT. #like i think the point of the dream was that if i showed him that i had some kind of feelings for him he would change or die or disappear? #i always assume the worst. but yeah the dream literally put me off so bad that i cut contact with him for almost 2 years #because i was afraid of him and i was afraid of my life changing #idk. maybe i should give it a try now. i'm still scared but you never know. #i at least wanna say 'thanks' for him convincing me to message my friend from 6 years ago so 🤷‍♀️ who knows

[deepfriedseagullfeet]

jameson is so scared of therapy partly because anti was a therapist, partly because he doesnt think he "needs it" and should just "get over" what happened to him, partly because hes so ashamed and embarrassed to talk about what happened to him, partly because his motto for coping with his trauma is "just dont think about it" and partly because if he talks about what anti put him through aloud and explained it all to someone who has no clue to his situation he would shatter into a thousand pieces and completely crumble apart and he feels that he would never recover if he truly processed the abuse he went through

#he never talks about nor mentions anti ever to anyone #hes scared and ashamed and just tries to forget like 4 years of hell through drinking and sleeping and sex and distractions #chase is more aggressive than jackie about getting him professional help though. hes been through some really tough shit too #and knows that yeah processing all that suffering is going to hurt and its going to be very hard #but pain isnt going to go away if you just pretend like its not there especially when it comes to goddamn cptsd #and its worth it to heal and its worth it to take care of yourself and its worth it to fucking Talk to someone at the very least #so all of this is to say that it was a team effort between jackie and chase to pair him with a therapist #and a team effort to encourage and support him when he does start opening up about things #ego posting #jameson jackson

[may8elle]

So according to currently and actively-updating numbers (as of 5 May, when I’m writing this), AEW: All In set for Wembley just crossed 70,000 tickets sold- assuming everyone shows up, they’ve just outpaced WWE’s Clash at the Castle (2022), whose attendance was just over 60k

And they just opened up more seats in the arena, as well- meaning if they somehow manage to keep pace with their current sales and everyone shows up, they could- maybe, just maybe- outpace 1992′s SummerSlam, whose attendance (according to WWE) was barely over 80k. (I doubt they open up all the seats, as that would put people behind the stage and whatnot so I’m not holding my breath on that one- but we’ll definitely see)

I PERSONALLY don’t like to pit the companies against each other- friendly rivalry is fine, the animosity of the fans choosing one side over another and shitting on/berating the other side just isn’t cool and definitely not for me. I like parts of both companies and both brands, etc etc. This is just a super important moment to talk about in the Pro Wrestling Ecosphere simply because it’s the first company outside of WWE to do numbers like that anywhere in the UK/Europe. It’s especially impressive because AEW is such a new company and new product. 

#aew #all elite wrestling #yes yes aew has been around for 4 years now #and in the day and age of streaming its a lot easier to reach wider audiences and be more popular blah blah #HOWEVER #Impact never did this #ROH never did this #NJPW hasn't really crested that either #(NJPW's Royal Quest (their first UK show) only had around 6k in attendance) #And these are companies who have been around longer and have tried to use streaming to their advantages- obviously with varying results #The fact that this is happening and that so many tickets have been sold so far (scalpers or otherwise) is such a huge huge ordeal #And I'm tired of WWE diehards trying to deny that it IS a big deal #I love WWE- i grew up watching it and its what got me into wrestling after all- so don't get me wrong on this #I'm NOT an AEW defender- if AEW fucks something up I'll call them out on it the same way I would if WWE fucked something up #THE POINT is that it's the ONLY company OUTSIDE of WWE to have ever done this and that is HUGE #Regardless of whether or not you want to admit it- it's a big deal #may talks wrestling #all in

[lillyviarabbit]

I just learned that I've been in a constant state of dissociation for at least a decade and the fact that my ex never even insinuated I could be feeling the same things as herf eels... weird. Like she has cPTSD and even when I noticed a lot of the dissociative feelings were relatable to me and voiced things like being emotionally detached and being controlled like a marionette, neither of us thought thought that there was solidarity in our trauma responses. And now I cant even tell her "I was helping you heal while in a similar state to how you got through your trauma, and insinuating I'm abusive or narcissistic or any if that that's helping you feel better now is kinda fucked up"

#but ill never get that apology #even though i tried to reach out and apologize for my behavior as well. #but whatever #ill get over it #i always do #i just helped her realize its okay to start loving herself again #like i... i think im frustrated at it #like i want to be appreciated for helping her #i feel like shes ungrateful #and i dont like feeling this way #unfortunately other peoples words of encouragement havent helped #she kept on talking about never getting closure #and always was angry at me for never getting hurt by her when she would try to make me feel the pain she did #well congrats #you finally did it. #it took 4 years but im finally actually upset with you #and its because im getting better because i directly told you you were bad for my mental health #😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 #okay i think im done #me

[dhampir-dyke]

.

#moms suck so fucking bad man.... #i have GOT to go back to fuckin therapy bro. or else i am gonna lose it on this woman #my whole life i have tried to make myself as low-maintenance as possible. i never ask for fucking anything. i wouldnt ask for candy or toys #or anything bc she CONSTANTLY complained to let us know how much of a burden we were and how much she regrets having us. #i try so hard to please her #while my sister totals 4 cars #needs to hire a fuckin lawyer. constantly manipulates and throws tantrums to get her fucking way #and somehow IM THE ONE THAT NEVER PAYS HER BACK OR DOES THEIR FAIR SHARE. WHAT THE FUCK??????? DO YOU SMOKE CRACK?????????? #ive worked since i was 16 and moved out by myself at age 20!!!!!!! and somehow IM the childish and immature one!!!!!!!! #if i cant vent to a professional soon i am gonna go nuts. ball to the fuckin wall. 22 years of pent up rage. #my sister has fucked them out of 20 grand EASY. but I BOUGHT THEM THEIR FUCKIN CAMARO WITH *MY* SAVINGS #they paid me back but jesus christ! how the fuck can you call me unreliable or claim i owe you fucking money!!!!!

[taonpest]

Man.......do you ever just stumble on a fanfic you started to write months ago and never finished and you read it and now you're like

#my stupid thoughts #motherfucker when they write something on Turel #my little meow meow............... #I remember that I had eeeeeh #a project of doing a little comic on each of the boy you know? #like 10 pages max #I remember I actually finished storyboarding Rahab's one #started writing the one on Zephon and Turel #has the whole comic about Dumah in my head #never actually did all of those because last year I didn't think I was capable #well uh now I know I can do it! #and uh. sometimes I think about making them you know? but last time I tried to do uuuh. stuff about them boys I got The Big Sad™️ #yes yes I'm talking about the pin-up project and yes it still hurts #I still can't do something 100% original to this day #like uh. how long has it been? 4 or 5 months? yeah nice :) #literally the only thing I can draw is the lost souls comic #and uh that's nice I'm like working on it really #but I just WISH I could also draw like. single illustrations? you get me