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blueathens · 1 year

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(Please Don’t) Let Me Drown - Agape

ACT THREE, CHAPTER TWO

SONG: How To Save A Life by The Fray QUOTE: “Some firefighter you are, aren’t you meant to be doing the saving? We could die out here.”

TW: Drowning, Slight Mention of Suicide,

A/N: Not read through or checked!

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Masterlist//Agape Masterlist

Drowning: When victims eventually submerge, they hold their breath for as long as possible, typically 30 to 90 seconds. After that, they inhale some water, splutter, cough, and inhale more. Survivors say there is a feeling of tearing and burning sensation in the chest as water goes down into the airway. Then that sort of slips into a feeling of calmness and tranquillity. That calmness represents the beginnings of the loss of consciousness from oxygen deprivation, which eventually results in the heart stopping and brain’s death.

Kasey was drowning, and it wasn’t at all like the stories.

She remembers one of her old mates – Trey Malik – trying to explain what drowning felt like after he experienced it mere minutes ago, she recalls her army jacket around his shoulders providing him warmth after she dragged him out from the river, she recollects the memory of his shivering body and she remembers watching him instead of holding him, he didn’t want to be held, he insisted on being okay, he just needed a moment to catch his breath then they could continue their mission. He was the one who started the conversation, she knew she didn’t want to hear it, but he didn’t stop, he told her it was important for her to know, important for her to listen to the experience so she knows how to get herself out of it if the time came.

She remembers laughing at that, stating that she will never get herself in that position.

She wasn’t going to drown.

She is even reminded of making a passing joke of how he didn’t get out by himself, she did, she helped him. So if she ever got herself in a position where she was drowning, then the only way to be saved is by someone else.

Trey shrugged his shoulders and mutters a “you never know” before telling her everything he experienced not long ago.

Instead of hearing of a horror story, she was enlightened by a tale that almost came across as a love song towards drowning, Kasey even recognises a sense of comfort washing over his face, one that someone would have when reliving a childhood memory, but instead he was talking about drowning, talked about it as if it was an old friend that gave him such a loving hug, a hug that he has desired for so long, a hug he just needed.

Kasey thinks that was the first time she has ever felt such a bubble of sadness coming from Trey, she recalls feeling closer to him at that moment as she too carried such a heavy heart of sadness that any danger that came her way, she would greet it as if it was a friend, but hearing Trey like that made her hate the world more, because why on earth would our planet be so cruel to such a lovely, good person? He doesn’t deserve to hold such sadness, he didn’t deserve to be out here away from those he cares for, he didn’t deserve to find comfort within drowning.

He didn’t deserve that.

And that made Kasey hate the world more, and it made her want to hug him and take him to a different world, far from this one, a world where he can find peace within the cool air on a spring’s morning, it’s what he deserved at least.

But he didn’t want that, she knew that by the way he talked, by the way he looked, he didn’t want to be saved, perhaps he couldn’t be saved, or maybe he just wasn’t ready yet and when he was then the only one who could help him would be himself.

And that was difficult for Kasey to process, and she thinks she never will truly process it because to her, she can save people, she can help, but Trey was never the person she could, and that’s just a fact that she thinks she’ll never come to terms with.

Perhaps it was a childish thought of Kasey’s to think that she could save everyone, and that saving them would even make her feel better about herself because maybe it’s too late for her to save herself, but it’s not too late to save everyone else.

And it’s stupid, she knows this, she knows it because she’s always the one saving everyone yet there will never be someone to save her…she’s the second choice, maybe not even that, maybe not even the third choice. But Kasey has to save everyone, she just has to, but when she needs saving then no one has to save her, no one chooses to save her, and then she gets to the point where it’s too late to be saved, and she just simply gives up, but to everyone she seems selfish even though she never got anything in return.

She always carried this thought that she was replaceable, that if someone wanted to, they could throw her away like a dead flower, that once stood tall and blossomed under the sunlight, but now only fallen petals remained, and who would even want to keep a wilting flower when there was a sweeter one just outside?

She overthinks it a lot, she overthinks how replaceable she is, and how most of her friends would now walk past her and not give her a second look because to them, she was just a stranger, but to her, she was the stranger that carried all the memories.

She wondered if Trey ever felt the way she did, maybe just once, maybe the currents made him feel wanted, maybe he felt unreplaceable within it, perhaps, just for a moment, he did feel okay, and he was truly telling her how lovely it was. Kasey pondered on this idea, but to her, nothing, absolutely nothing, could make her think drowning could possibly be relaxing.

And if Trey did truly think this, then Kasey began to hate the world even more.

He told her drowning was more peaceful than he could ever imagine, he said maybe he thought that as anything could be more peaceful than fighting in a war, he enjoyed the tranquil silence and the feeling that he was floating on clouds. For a moment he thought he was being gently lifted to the gates of heaven, he thought it was his time to go, and he even thought that drowning wasn’t the worst possible way to go.

Trey found it peaceful, but Kasey was in so much pain.

She was panicking. She barely could see anything in front of her. The water felt like it was suffocating her, filling her lungs and her throat, and causing her to choke. She couldn’t tell if her eyes were open or not, the confusing and disoriented of shattered light through water that shouldn’t be here – that shouldn’t be washing through the city – it shouldn’t be here – if it was where it was supposed to be then Kasey would be able to breathe, to see, to know where she was. But she couldn’t.

Kasey couldn’t breathe. Kasey couldn’t see. And Kasey couldn’t tell which way was up and which way was down.

Her body grew tired of fighting the currents.

Trey told her it was comforting.

But Kasey could recall watching Trey panic before he stilled, and perhaps he didn’t remember that moment, doesn’t remember her fighting against the currents to reach him as she watches him thrash around, yelling, screaming her name. Maybe he didn’t remember that, maybe he didn’t want to remember it, perhaps he just wanted to remember the moment of calmness before you drown. Where you no longer kick or scream, and your lungs don’t have that agonising and burning pain where it feels like it will explode in any second. Where your mind goes blank and there’s just this gentle humming left in your ears – and it’s almost like the lullaby your mother would hum to get you to sleep, it almost becomes…nice.

Comforting.

It feels like a much-needed hug. That too is comforting.

Perhaps this is what death is like, Kasey wondered, perhaps after all of this chaos, death is just around the corner to hand you that certain comfort you have been lacking your entire life. But if this was dying, then why didn’t she see her life flash before her eyes? And why does she feel something other than the cold water that was swallowing her up?

Why could she feel a hand gripping her shirt tightly before pulling her up with them, and the moment her face breaks the surface she takes her first real breath since being under.

She coughed, choked, and spat out filthy, salty water. Her eyes brunt as she repeatedly blinked, once her vision cleared up slightly she noticed the familiar features that belonged to no other but her brother. He was gripping onto the side of a fire truck whilst also holding her as tight as he could – if anything he was holding onto Kasey more than he was gripping the side of the truck, because if he had to lose something it would be the surface of safety and not his sister – he won’t let her go.

Despite the burn within her eyes, she noticed her twin’s struggle, and with numb limbs she pushes herself forwards to also grip onto the side of the truck. TK’s other hand moved to hold the truck too as he pulls himself up, watching as Kasey did so too before collapsing the moment her body made contact with the top of the vehicle. She may not have been drowning under the currents anymore, but it sure did feel like she was drowning on top of this fire truck, she still felt trapped, still unable to do something as simple as breathing. And now instead of hearing a near comforting hum, she hears TK screaming her name before everything went dark.

Once Kasey asked Trey if there was anyone waiting for him at home, waiting on news of his return, or perhaps praying they’ll never get that letter along with a military officer and a Champlin at their doorsteps. He told her that he has a dog waiting on his return, and his father, and he hopes his older brother too, he said they had a complicated relationship, and that was all there was to it, he even said his grandmother would be waiting.

She asked what was the name of his dog, he responded with “Goldfish,” and Kasey remembers chuckling softly at that.

Trey asked if there was anyone waiting for her and Kasey wished she could say yes, but the sad fact was that she couldn’t, she didn’t have anyone.

She fell out with her family before coming here, her own mother never cared much for her, her twin brother, she believed resented her, her father was always doing his own thing, she doesn’t think he would be waiting, she wasn’t a good enough daughter for someone to wait at home for. And along with her twin brother, she knows her best friend hated her, he wouldn’t be waiting for, god he probably be wishing for her not to return. She’s exhausting, she knows this, and she even thinks that she doesn’t want to return home either, she’s too troubled, she can’t be saved, she didn’t have anyone, and she couldn’t hurt them anymore…

After a long silence, she told them him no – then she gave her small explanation after seeing his curious eyes, she didn’t say much, she never did, she never could, but still she tried.

Trey told her none of it was her fault, and she could never believe him, not then and not now.

Sometimes she could still feel the hug Trey gave her after that, Kasey hasn’t felt that vulnerable before, not for a long time at least, nor has she been held so lovingly, so comfortingly, in such a long time. Kasey thought she was going to break down in his arms, but she didn’t, but she knew she could’ve though.

Kasey wondered if that was what drowning felt for Trey, but instead of drowning within water, she was drowning within a hug.

It was peaceful.

It was comforting.

And it was nice.

Kasey began to slowly wake up, her head in TK’s lap as he combs his fingers through her hair. Her first thought was trying to remember where she was, but that all came back in flashes. She shook her head, squeezing her eyes, before opening them once more to see TK’s chin. She then wondered if anyone else she knew got caught up in this, and if they did, were they okay?

Maybe it was a good thing that she didn’t know that Buck and Christopher wasn’t so far away, them too stuck on a fire truck as they helped casualties on board. Cause if she knew then she would have forced her tired body to search for them, to help them, to make sure they were okay.

Kasey would have to make sure they were safe because they were her fam–

Kasey sat up, taking in her surroundings to only notice that there were a few more people on board, all frightened and cold and TK gave her a worrying look, a look that almost begged her to do something, to save them, to just have a plan. But for once, Kasey had nothing as she looked out and around the flooded city, seeing nothing but water and broken homes and objects.

“You helped them?” Kasey muttered as she continued to look out.

“Yeah,” TK whispers. “You were out for a bit so had to improvise.”

“Sorry,” she whispers back.

She feels his hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently as if he ushering her to look at him, and she does, she turns her head, looking over her shoulder with glassy, down, eyes.

“You have nothing to be sor–”

“Your brother said you’re around here. And that he’s a firefighter out in Texas. He mentioned that you were highly ranked in the military…suppose you have the best water training round here?” Kasey hums as her arm covers her face, blocking the sun as she looks at the man who spoke up.

“Did he now?” She purses her lips. “Suppose he mentioned I’m a firefighter too?” The man nods. “Cool.”

“So what do we do?” The man looks around at the other casualties.

“Nothing,” Kasey mumbles, “we can’t do anything – we’ll just have to wait for someone to come and rescue us.”

The man scoffed. “Some firefighter you are, aren’t you meant to be doing the saving? We could die out here.”

Kasey turns around, brows raised, studying the man, hand pressed against her hip, “Oh, I’m sorry Gary, I’ll just whip out the boat I’ve been carrying in my pocket all day and drive you all home in time for dinner.”

He scowled at her. “It’s Raphaël–”

“Some will be in much worst conditions than us, at least we’re safe, that’s what is important, no?” Kasey turns to look back out at the city filled with water. “I’ll try and find a way to get rescued quicker but can’t make no promises here.”

“Kas…” TK’s gentle voice came from behind, his hand squeezing her elbow gently, “you’re bleeding.” As if those words triggered some part in her brain, she feels a sudden sharpness coming from under her shirt, lifting it up she glances at the bruises littering her abdominal and an awful, long cut beginning from the top of her ribs down to her waist.

“I’m fine,” she insists, and she thoughts of this to be true, she’s had worst, and she continued as if it was nothing before, so to her this was fine, all of this was fine, she just wanted to go back to her home – well outside of her apartment, in her car, and just fall asleep…

…she just wanted some peace again.

Kasey lays down to peer over the truck, hands coming into contact with the open window, her fingers pressed against the inside framing and the metal framing of the inside to pull her further over so she can have a better look of the inside of the truck they were on. “You think the radio works?” She questions her brother who she knew was standing right by her, silently watching her body tense from the pain of moving around.

“Probably damaged from the water,” TK responds, ushering Kasey to stand as he hears her quietly groan from moving once again. “You’re going to tire yourself out, Kas, just stop for a moment, please.”

Kasey grimaces as she comes to a stand, “I just want to get us all out of here.”

“I know you do – but hurting yourself more in the process isn’t going to help anyone.”

Kasey thought she was seeing things at first when she saw TK’s right hand shake before he reached out to hold the top of her shoulder, she truly did thought her eyes were tricking her, but with the fear and worry twisted in his eyes, Kasey knew she wasn’t.

He wasn’t scared of her, she knew this, but for her? Yes.

He acted as if she was a fragile piece of artwork that’s been locked behind glass for centuries and now he’s the first to touch it, and he doesn’t even know if a simple brush of his fingers would have it crumbling, but Kasey wasn’t going to break, she knew this, she wasn’t damaged, she wasn’t going to crumble.

Kasey could hold herself longer now, she wasn’t nineteen anymore, she wasn’t nineteen who clung onto Trey Malik as if was the embodiment of air, the reason she could finally breathe again, she wasn’t nineteen no more who was desperate to be held.

Touch wasn’t a weakness for her no more, she gets held on many of occasions, Buck and Kit were the main sources of it, they were big huggers, always have been, physical touch has always been their thing and not fearing their touch proved to the young firefighter that she wasn’t desperate for it anymore, she was held enough to not whimper at the feeling of such comforting warmth no more.

But TK’s always been like this with her, of course they used to play wrestle when they were younger, pull one another’s hairs, the reason for some of the scars on their body after one pushed the other too hard off from the sofa causing the other to be in A&E. But still TK’s always had an element of softness with her, admitting once it’s because he doesn’t want to cause any harm to her, he tolerated a form of guilt growing up whenever he found her quietly ruffling through the medical basket (from the top of their fridge) late at night in their teen years, and he always ushered her to sit on the counter as he helped with the injuries she carried home with her that night, always being the one who has to listen to her holding back the cries of pain when his fingers brushes over a wound accidently, or whenever he began to stich her up as she insisted for no hospitals – she hates them – and that they can do it at home.

He was the one who usually saw her injured, and he was the one who stayed up until she came home just to help her, listening to her apologies for thinking she woke him again, when really she never did, he just awaits for her to make sure she returns home safely, even at his worst he still continued to make sure she came home. And then there was the guilt, the guilt that he gained growing up, watching her flinch at loud noises, especially from arguments, the way her body tensed whenever he tried to help with her injuries as that was the only way she could silently express her pain without waking anyone up, and he was the one who listened as she talked down on herself, thinking no one was there to hear, but he always did, he always would.

TK always wanted her to see him as something she could cling onto whenever she felt like the world was against her once again, but as they become older he knew he was barely that for her, in fact no one was that for her, but she was always that person for everyone else, especially for him.

And every day, TK wishes that Kasey one day finds someone who would happily sit in the dark with her, hand holding hers, as they distract her with random facts or how their day was, and only moves to turn on that switch to guide her out from the dark and welcoming her back into the light.

TK thinks she’s secretly back in the dark, actually he knows she was, and it’s sad to think that she still hasn’t find a comfort person yet – someone who will just help her when she’s down, to let her know she was enough, to just hold her.

TK was guilty when it came to Kasey, he wished they had a better life together, they deserved it, well he would like to think that they did, they were – are – good people, and that’s got to count for something, right? TK has questioned time from time if, in another parallel universe, they got the life they deserve, that they got to be the siblings they should have been, not the ones that were too damaged, not those ones, but the ones who were just happy, the ones who lived nearer together just so they could meet up easier.

Perhaps in that other life they be working together, living that dream they had when they were so young. Perhaps everything was okay in their lives, and they got to be the siblings they deserved to be in this life.

TK knew one day though he wouldn’t be so guilty, he knew those injuries he helped to cover up weren’t his fault, but at times whenever he accidently pressed too hard against a bruise or something then his stomach would twist, and he would be overcome with a sudden sickness all because he was reminded with the fact that he could never protect Kasey.

He thinks that’s what he was most guilty for, in the end it was never about the accidental touches of aiding her injuries, it was always the fact that he could never protect her, Kasey was always doing her own thing, she was always in some form of trouble, she was always someplace else, she was out of his reach, and TK couldn’t ever protect her like he wished he could, but she did for him, and she always will.

But they weren’t kids no more, they were now nearing the age of twenty-five and now, TK wonders, now it could be the time he could protect Kasey, bring her out from the darkness, and to just let go of this guilt, and then maybe, just maybe they could be each other’s safety net, they would feel brave enough to come to each other whenever they needed to, maybe, just maybe, he could play the role of an older brother – older by only fifteen minutes – and just simply protect her, even if it just as simple as protecting her from herself, in the sense that she doesn’t hurt herself more, that she doesn’t do her thing where she doesn’t think of herself, that for once she could just take a moment, take a breath, and think on the situation with him.

Her hands once again found home on her hips, face scrunching as a finger graze the wound and she ignores the look TK gave her.

“Let me check it out–”

“God, I’m so glad I didn’t take my car here.” Kasey mutters, looking up to the sky, as she changes the subject. “Or I would–”

“Lose your house?” Kasey head snaps towards his smug appearance, eyes narrowing at him, and her mouth itches to respond; but she doesn’t. “I’m not wrong am I?”

“I will throw you overboard.”

“No you won’t,” TK smirks, “you’re too nice to do that. Besides,” he then raises his shoulders before dropping them just as quick, “you’ll miss me.”

Kasey hums before her eyes glances over at everyone else for a quick moment before she steps closer to her brother to quietly talk with him. “We got to try and find some rescue for them soon though, the first wave of a tsunami is never the worst,” her eyes flickers back over to the group, maybe about seven other people, all adults, “even if that means we’re our own rescue team.”

“Kasey, that’s to risky and in your condition–”

“Forget about my injury, I’ll live, okay? We can use the hose and the things around us to try and find somewhere better, perhaps find a proper rescue team or even a hospital.” She ran a hand through her hair. “We don’t know how long rescue will be, we don’t know how much more damage is out there, and whilst we’re at it we can rescue more people.”

“You said that the only thing we can do is wait.”

She sighs, “I only said that as I didn’t have time to think of anything else.”

Now TK sighs as he looks around desperately, hand holding the back of his head, and he balances out their options within his mind. “TK, it’s better if we move than sit around, we’re only getting colder here.”

“I know, I know.” He turns his head to now look at the group, they’re all sitting around close to one another to try and warm the other arm, but most were still shivering. “How long you think we got?”

“Until the second wave?” Kasey questions, and he nods, “I don’t know, man.” She now faces the group, making small movement to get closer to them. “Is anyone injured at all?” Kasey grimaces slightly that she hasn’t even asked them how they were yet.

“No one’s injured, Kas,” TK answered. “I asked whilst you were out and–” He stops when he notices a sudden rush in the water. No, no, no, no, not now, please not now, TK silently begs.

He thinks he hears Kasey tell people to get down, his mind was no longer here, he just thinks about the second wave, and the second wave only. He thinks he hears screams, and he thinks he hears Kasey trying to calm them down, but he doesn’t know what she says, instead his hand grabs the hose, pulls on it tightly and his eyes focuses on it unwrapping, he turns, gestures it towards Kasey who pulls on it too, ushering everyone to grab ahold of it, that maybe if they were lucky enough they would still be attached to this fire truck at the end of it.

There’s were screams as the second wave hit, it was nothing like the waves that lapped the shore every minute of every day. It was a wall of filthy, cold, and powerful water. The water had no gentle softness to it, instead it had no thought, no motion, and no hesitation as it destroys everything in it’s path just to hit their targets. Within moments, TK was breathing the air, and just as he took a deep breath he feels frigid foamy fingers grabbing a hold of him.

It was their dear old friend, the ocean.

The water was once a great fear of TK’s when he was younger, he thinks it started when he was three where his uncle thought it was a good idea to take him onto a waterslide. They went down a long, twisting concealed one but as they came to the end his uncle didn’t let him go, instead he pulled him right under the chemical water with him. TK doesn’t remember it fully, he just remembers a glimpse of a waterslide and a flash of memory that showed him under the pool’s water, and every now and then, when he was younger, he could feel that sudden tightness within his chest.

TK tried to stay away from the depths of water from then on, always panicking whenever his family tried to bring him into the pool with them, but he wasn’t having any of it.

He remembers a wedding at the age of five, and the same uncle who created his fear of water was teaching his sister how to surf in the far distance whilst he was with his mother taking photos, he recalls that she told him not to wander off, but he does so anyways, he walks down the pier, wanting to see how much panic the ocean can truly offer him, he was fine with just staring at it first, he then decided maybe to sit down in the opening between the two broken fences, but instead his foot somehow slipped and he fell into the water, his mother jumps in to save him within seconds, cause little TK didn’t know how to swim, nor did he know how to breathe under the sea.

At five, he learnt how much fear the ocean has to offer.

Up to the age of ten, TK would stay on the beach building sandcastles with his family, but his eyes were always distracted by his sister and his uncle out on the waves; surfing. His ears always listened to the way his father complained every day and how he wished Gwen’s brother didn’t teach Kasey on how to surf, he didn’t understand the problem, it wasn’t like Kasey was afraid of water so why would it be a problem if she enjoyed the feeling of the water crashing over her every time she fell off her surfboard? She seemed to be laughing each time her face breaks the surface and then off she went back onto her surfboard to catch another wave.

TK longed to surf with his sister, but he never did, not even when he overcame his fear, Owen truly wasn’t having it, he couldn’t have both kids learning to surf, he couldn’t let it happen again.

So at the age of seven TK stopped learning how to surf among the safety of the sands, he never took another board out from the stands and tried to learn, to mimic everything Kasey did out in the sea, his fingers never brushed the sands the same since seeing how furious his father was after TK stated he would surf with Kasey one day, he never thought about learning to surf one day again.

At the age of ten, TK learnt how to swim, Kasey was adamant about it, she said it was time for him to overcome his fears and learn how to swim because what if you fall in again and no one was there to save you? What would you do then? It was a brutal honest truth that TK never wanted to know, but deep down he knew he had to learn, had to overcome. Because what if he did one day fall into a body of water and there was no one around to save him? He wouldn’t know how to get out of that situation, he would be panicking more as he had no experience in even swimming.

One of Kasey’s friends had a pool in their back garden, it was quite odd to ten-year-old TK considering they lived in New York City, but he never questioned it. So, every Tuesday, after school, they would learn how to swim for an hour in Kasey’s friend pool whilst her friend was with Gwen learning the piano.

Once he reached his teenager years TK wasn’t afraid of water no longer, and he thought of himself as a confident swimmer too. But still, whenever they found themselves at the beach, TK stayed on the beach, becoming familiar with the sands once again whilst he watches his sister out on the waves, he did still wish to be out there with her, but his fingers never touched a board, no, because maybe he wasn’t afraid of water anymore but seeing how scared, how angry their father was whenever he hears about Kasey talking about surfing, made him never want to feel what it was like when the waves were beneath you.

“Buck!”

That was the first thing both Strands heard as they tried to come back to their surroundings, both could still feel the re-enforced plastic in their hands and they heard some groans around them, perhaps they were alright, perhaps everyone was able to stay –

“Buck!”

Kasey pulls herself across the top of the fire truck, fingers pressing against the side as she grimaces at the pressure against her injuries, once her head hit the small bump that was on the top of the fire truck, gesturing that she reached the side of it, she hesitantly looked over the top to see who was yelling such a familiar name.

Her heart was heavy, wishing it wasn’t someone she knew, but the name, the voice, it was so–

“Buck?!”

Kasey blinks as she narrows her eyes at the blurry figure in the water, a yellow stripped top she thinks they’re wearing and they’re resting against the side of what she would say, a wooden plank and –

Oh god.

Oh, no, no, no.

“Christopher!” Kasey yells, voice strained from her previous yells for everyone to get down, strained from the amount of water she thinks she accidently inhaled and –

“Christopher!” She calls again and she was on her feet, diving into the water with no hesitation. It was Eddie’s boy – it was Christopher – it was her sweet Christopher, and he was yelling for her best mate and–

The water was still deep in the area they were in, not yet washed out back to sea like she was hoping it would, so she fought against the water that was still rushing through the destruction and she doesn’t stop until she reaches a trunk of a tree that was surprisingly still standing tall, with a heavy breath she awaits for a second as the plank of wood Chris was keeping himself up with passes by, and when it did she quickly grabbed him and pulled him tightly towards her.

Her arms were firmly around him as she takes a step back, her right hand was cupping the back of his head and her eyes were furrowed shut as she just lets him cling onto her, his fingers twisting into the back of her shirt, gripping it tightly, afraid to just disappear again.

“I got you; I got you, love.” She rushes out. “You’re gonna be okay kid, I’ve got you now, I’ve got you.”

Christopher blinks into the shoulder of the women he was so familiar with, and his fingers pressing into her back even more at the realisation it’s her – he’s going to be okay as she’s got him now and oh my word it’s –

“Kasey?”

Oh, and how her stomach fell at the sound of his weak, tired, and quiet voice, no, god, no, why did he of all people had to be caught out in this.

“Oh, baby,” she utters gently, she now stands in the gap behind the tree, the water wasn’t so strong or deep there, so she was able to rest and look at Chris properly as she stood there whilst she thought on how to get them back to the fire truck. “What are you – where’s your glasses?”

“I-I,” he stutters, stumbling over every other word as he speaks with her, “I lost them. I lost Buck. He was helping and-and I fell…I lost Buck and–”

She hushes him gently, brushing his hair back with her hand before her hand falls to lay softly against his cheek where her thumb brushes away the fallen tears. “Oh, honey,” she frowns as she tries to act calm with him, but she wasn’t, she couldn’t be, Buck was out there too, and she has no idea if he was okay, and he would be worried sick because Chris wasn’t with him any longer and he wouldn’t know that Chris was safe – that he was with her now. “We’ll find Buck and your glasses, let’s just get you back to the truck.”

The water was still by the time she calmed Chris down by the tree and it meant she could take them back to the truck much easier than it would have been earlier.

“You remember TK, right Chris?” Kasey questioned as TK waved with a soft smile at the boy, throwing Kasey a worried glance, it didn’t cross TK’s mind that children would have been caught in this mess, not until he saw Eddie’s kid right in front of him, shivering in Kasey’s arms as she holds him, hands rubbing up and down his as she placed light kiss on top of his head every now and then.

Chris nods.

He remembers TK, he was Kasey’s older brother, by fifteen minutes if he remembers correctly from hearing them playfully arguing about it. TK shared a bag of sweets with him when they sat in the waiting room together whilst waiting on news about Kasey, he remembers that TK shared the same taste when it came to pick n’ mix, his father was asleep next to him, arms folded, and Chris never told him about the amount of sweets he ate that day as he listens to Owen’s – TK and Kasey’s father – stories about being a firefighter out in Texas.

So, of course he remembers the nice man that’s Kasey’s brother.

TK kneels down, hand reaching forwards to ruffle the younger boy’s curls. “What you doing out here, bud?”

“I was with Buck,” he tells TK in a quiet voice, “we went to the carnival on the pier and–”

“Buck’s here?” TK mouths to Kasey who just nods as she lays another kiss on top of Chris’ head, but she was quick to move away, tilting her head back as she let out a low hum at Chris shuffling back into her stomach, her eyes scrunches up and Chris was quick to turn around to try and find out what the fuss is about.

“Kasey,” his finger presses against her chin, next to the cut his eyes has just caught sight of. “You’re bleeding.” Kasey wanted to chuckle at his worriedness about her, she was glad he didn’t catch sight on the pain she was in and that he thought it was just a cut that caused her that sudden distress that caught his attention.

“It’s nothing, kiddo,” she didn’t know there was a cut on her chin until he pointed it out, perhaps she got it when she pulled herself across the roof of the truck, perhaps it was just a graze that was only slightly bloody.

“You need a plaster.”

“I tell you what,” she begins as she adjusts him in her lap, moving him slightly away from the ache in her left leg and more onto her right leg, one of his arms where around her shoulder, fingers brushing the back of her neck, and his other hand was in his lap. “When we get to some land you can find me the best plaster for the graze.” Chris nods.

“Spider-Man ones?”

“I think that be well cool!” She grins and TK smiles as she watches the interaction in front of him. “TK?” Her brother hums. “We got to start moving, the water should be shallow enough for us to walk through now.”

“What if there’s another wave?”

“We’ll just have to hope for the best that’s this is it.”

TK nods, standing up from his crouching position to rub his hands against the wet material of his jeans before he leans forwards to pick Chris off from Kasey for a moment whilst she tells everyone that it be best if they move and try and find some help, after some glances shared between them Kasey states that they could stay on the truck if they wanted and when she finds help she’ll try and send them their way, but it be quite risky to stay on a truck that’s practically flooded.

She jumps down from the truck and into the water below, taking Chris out from TK’s arms as she brings him down into the water too, but instead of letting him go, she adjusts him into a more comfortable position for her to carry him.

TK, along with the other’s, jump down from the truck too and collectively follow the Strands and the kid on their mission to find some help.

“Perhaps we can go to the zoo together one day,” TK speaks up after walking in silence for a little too long for his liking.

“The zoo?” Kasey raises a brow at her brother who just responses with a huge grin.

“Yeah!” He’s got a sudden spring in his step. “Both of our families – you know the 126 and the 118, that cop,” TK clicks his finger as he tries to think of her name. “Athena! Athena can come and Chris obviously be coming with us and–”

“And your cop boyfriend?” Kasey smirks, forging a pain of hurt as TK slaps her shoulder, the one that was closest to him, but furthest from Christopher.

“Not my boyfriend,” TK mutters, the spring leaving his step, as he folds his arms across his chest, pouting ever so slightly.

Kasey only hums, corner of her mouth still tugged up.

“I like the zoo,” Chris jumps into the conversation.

“Oh, yeah?” TK holds his hands behind his back, his right hand wrapping round his left wrist whilst his attention is on the boy in Kasey’s arms. If he didn’t know her, he would have thought they were mother and son, that thought alone brought a kind look onto his face as he thought about one day the pair of them will find someone who loves them, and perhaps they’ll have kids with their significant others, however that be, and they would have those family days that they never got growing up, that one day they could actually be a family they deserved, start again now that Kasey was in LA and he’s started a new life in Texas – perhaps this is life giving them another chance, another go at life.

Another warm thought bubbles within TK, and that was the thought of the boy in Kasey’s arms becoming his family too, he hears the way Kasey talks about the Diaz’s, he sees how happy they have made her and how much they helped her too, and of course there was Buck, her LA best friend, but he was just like another brother to her, but Eddie – my god, Kasey deserves to have someone good like Eddie, she really does, and TK could only hope that the universe just gives her the best.

He's seen the way Eddie looks at her too, of course TK seen it, even a blind person could sense the way Eddie feels about Kasey, and usually TK would get slightly concerned whenever guys are interested in his sister due to her never having good past relationships, but Eddie, he would know she be safe with him, that she’ll be okay, that’s she’ll be happy, and god did she deserve that.

So, maybe one day, if the universe isn’t so mean, the Diaz’s will become very familiar to him and his own father, and perhaps they’ll have those BBQ nights whenever they’re down in Texas or LA. And everyone they see as family joins too, and the kids are at the end of the garden playing some imaginary game and the adults are laughing.

And they’re all just happy.

Maybe, just maybe, they get the things they deserve, because they’re all good people, and that gotta mean they deserve something good at least, right?

“What’s your favourite animal?” He questions and Chris thinks for a little while before answering –

“Lions? I like lions.”

“They’re pretty cool, aren’t they kiddo?” Kasey says as she takes in her surroundings once more, making sure she’s a step ahead of everyone just in case anything happens then she be the first to discover it.

Whilst Chris told them a little fact about lions, TK nudged Kasey’s arm before leaning closer to whisper: “why are we heading more towards the pier?”

Kasey felt her eyes widen, quickly turning her head to look at her brother. She didn’t think he’ll notice, in fact she didn’t think he’ll even know the area they were heading towards, but he did.

“We’re not going there directly–” She sighs, “I just need to see if there’s any sighting of Buck…” Kasey looks back at Chris with a fake, relaxed smile, “you said lions starts off spotty?” He nods. “I think that makes them even cooler. You know, Chris, I think you’re just like a lion – you’re really brave. The bravest person I know.”

“Really?”

“Yeah – I’m real glad your dad joined the 118, or I wouldn’t have met the coolest, bravest person out there.”

Christopher smiles brightly before burying his face into Kasey shoulder as he hugs her tightly, “I’m really glad too.”

Kasey was surprised by not stumbling across anyone else, she wonders if rescue has been close by and that everyone else has been rescued within the area, perhaps they just missed a rescue boat, but Kasey hasn’t heard no engine, or any noise expect their movements through the waters and the quiet chatter amongst the group.

She thought all was rescued till she heard a scream for help coming from a building to the right up ahead, someone was trapped under some of the damage from the buildings and trees and Kasey purses her lips as she looked around quickly, checking that the area they were in was fine for everyone to wait within for a few seconds whilst she goes to help the person.

Coming to a quick judgement, she hands Christopher over to TK and Christopher almost calls for her, begging her not to go, to not leave him, he lost Buck the same way too, he can’t lose Kasey too.

Kasey brushes back his hair as she stands in front of the pair. “Hey, kiddo, you’re gonna be okay. I’ll just need to help that person over there,” she jerks her thumb behind her shoulder to the person who was crying for help. “And then I’ll be right back.” And with that she rushed – as quickly as she could with the waist-high water – towards the one in danger.

“Hey! Hey! I’m here to help,” she offers out a hand, “I’m firefighter Strand of the 118, I just need you to tell me if anything hurts whilst I take this weight of you, okay?” She heard a chocked out okay from them before she began to push and pull a mixture of debris off from the stranded person.

The water was raising.

No – no, not again, please not again.

She was pushing it off quicker now, and the second her hand grabbed the person underneath and pulled them up to their feet, the third wave came, and Kasey could hope that this was the last one as she pushes the stranger to the wall and held the pair of them for coverage.

Kasey was no stranger to metaphoric drowning; she was so used to her heart anchoring her down. Weighing her down to the point that she could no longer move. She was so used to the cold feeling, the loneliness, the pain, it all felt normal for her now.

Kasey knew most would be familiar with the sense of metaphoric drowning, but most usually were able to break the surface, catch their breath, learn how to breathe again. Kasey thinks she’s been under for too long now, she doesn’t think she’ll ever meet the light that dances across the surface.

Kasey would like to think that TK was beginning to learn how to breathe again after New York, and Kasey is thankful for it as TK deserved to rest, he deserved his happiness, he was a good person, he didn’t deserve to drown.

On his way to Texas, Kasey recalls a private phone call between the pair, it was short as she was on her shift, but in the call, TK begs her to come to Texas, to fix their family, to mend it, to rebuild it, he tells her he would have never gotten better for himself, he only did for her, dad, and mum, and he tells her, with the quietest of voices that he needed her, he needed his sister, and he begs for her to come live with them in Texas, they can live out their dream on being firefighters together, but Kasey told him no, she couldn’t, she may have an alright relationship with their father and a strong relationship with TK, but she knew if she ever lived with them then it would just destroy her more, her chances of ever seeing the surface would vanish in a blink of an eye and she would just have to befriend the ocean floor.

She could live with TK, she knew she could, and hearing his broken voice over the phone made her want to drop everything and come and live with him, but her and their father didn’t see eye-to-eye all of the time, they were better than her and Gwen, but that wasn’t enough, that wasn’t enough, none of it was enough – despite wanting to be there for TK, she knew living with them wasn’t going to do her no good, so she declined.

She told him she’ll visit when she can and she’ll always be in LA if he needed, and she suppose she just has to continue watching him live his life through the photographs he sends, and the calls he makes, and she’ll just have to watch him from the distance like she always have.

Maybe in another life they could have gotten what they deserved as siblings.

But in this one they grew up together with different memories and experiences from their childhood. The pair were prodigy children but love for Kasey has always been contingent. Unlike TK, who was seen as the child who could do no wrong, Kasey was the burnout child, the troublemaker, and she was just too difficult for them.

In her childhood bedroom there were many sport trophies in which TK, Kit, and Vanessa watched her win (most of them), Owen tried to watch her win as many as he possibly could and Gwen…well, when she came it was clear she never wanted to be there.

Kasey wore the title of ‘disappointment’ with the most honour though. It was a common word that was thrown at her, the phase “you won’t be anything” followed closely behind. And despite her telling everyone she was fine, no one would truly understand the weight of her families words. TK heard the fights, but that didn’t mean he understood the way Kasey felt about their family, he didn’t have to live up to their family expectations, and he didn’t have to listen to the constant reminders from their mum of how much she has sacrificed to get him there, and that everyone is counting on him – no, TK never knew what that side of the family was like, that was what Kasey always saw and heard. He heard the proudness, but she heard the disappointments, the “you’re just not good enough.”

TK was never the one who threw up before every game in his sophomore year, no, that was Kasey. Kasey, the one who had to sit in the car listening to her mum scream at her if she lost, or worst, they just sat in silence. Whenever Gwen came to watch Kasey play, coincidentally Kasey’s team lost, it was as if she was their bad luck charm, or perhaps it was the way she made Kasey so nervous to the point she couldn’t concentrate properly because she wanted to show her mum that she was good, that she wasn’t such a screw up, that she was good at something.

But no, whenever she came to watch they lost and it was always Kasey’s fault, the one who was to be blamed, and the one who gets told she wasn’t worth the trophies in her room.

Kasey never had a childhood, but she made sure TK did, she sacrificed everything just to make sure he didn’t ever see the side of their family she saw, that he was happy, that he’ll never experience the feeling of drowning. And she would do it again. She would. She would go though all the pain all over again as long as it ends with TK being happy.

But he would never remember that it was her who had to make microwave meals in the first few years after the divorce because Gwen was always busy with Enzo. Once she overheard that Gwen couldn’t stand being in the same house as her daughter, so Kasey took it upon herself to stay in her room for as long as possible just for TK to have the chance to have family dinners again with Gwen and now her new boyfriend, Enzo, and then when they were all in bed Kasey would eat the leftovers or find something else to eat.

She couldn’t let TK live the way she did, even as a young child she knew this, TK deserved a childhood and Kasey was fine with eating at the dining table alone every night.

Gwen blames Kasey for her and Owen’s divorce, despite it being the weight of the 9/11 incident mixed with some other personal problems, no, Kasey was apparently a massive factor in their divorce and Kasey remembers her father telling her that she could come live with him if she wanted, she would’ve said yes if it wasn’t for TK, but there was TK and she couldn’t leave him, she couldn’t do that to him, so she decided to stay – for him.

TK will never know that it was his younger sister that raised him for most of his childhood as their dad was grieving and their mum…was well, Gwen. But to TK, Kasey knew he would always remember their mum being there, and she was, in a way, she was there for him at least whenever she wasn’t around.

But TK does remember, he does remember some it, like how she was the one who taught him how to swim, when it really should have been one of their parents, but no it was his twin sister, and my god was he thankful for her.

He always has been thankful for her, even if he could never recall the extent she went for him at times due to the way she protected and shield him for that side of their family. But despite all this, Kasey knew that TK would remember the times she failed him, that she was the one to blame for him to understand the feeling of metaphoric drowning, she was the one who believed to be blamed for him starting drugs, and she was the one who left him…and that’s the main thing he’s going to remember, he wont remember how she accepted the abandonment from her mother just so TK could still have a mum, and he will never remember how Kasey sacrificed her life to make sure TK was happy. No, he’ll never know because Kasey will never tell him, she doesn’t want him to feel guilty as there was no reason to. But Kasey would do it again, she was his sister, she was meant to protect him, she felt lighter when she saw her brother happy – he deserves it, he’s a good person.

But the thing Kasey knew she’ll never be able to handle was the fact that out of everything, TK will remember how she left the most, he’ll memorise every detail of that night, and be able to relive it all the time. He’ll remember how she left, and he’ll remember how, like every disappointed child, she hid in her own shadow and drowned.

But even though she left, even though she carried the belief that TK hated her, Kasey will never know how many times TK fell asleep in her bed after she left. Kasey would never know how much TK talked to himself in her room, pretending she was there, telling her ghost that he missed her and to come back home.

She will never know that despite how she left, despite the fights, despite the disagreements, all TK ever wanted was for his little sister to come back.

Kasey never knew that even though he never responded, he kept every letter she ever sent him in those years they spent not seeing each other, in a shoebox under his bed, and how he would pull that shoebox out and re-read every letter that he was ever given by her, he even put in the letters he got from her throughout the years, even birthday cards, and he would read them all every night that she spent out at war.

All TK ever wanted was his little sister.

Now, she was under the water again, fighting against the current, and her eyes felt heavy, but she continued to fight. So fought like a maniac as she struggled to regain control, thrashing until her limbs gave out and the light above the surface drifted away, leaving her numb in the darkness. But even then, even when her body felt like giving up, she fought even more.

Finally, her face broke the surface, even if it was just for a second, she made sure to look around, the stranger wasn’t there no longer, the group wasn’t there, and nor was TK or Christopher. Kasey knew she was about to lose air again, she knew she was going to go under again, and Kasey knew she should focus on trying to get some air back into her lungs, but she couldn’t.

She couldn’t because how can someone catch another breath when all the air has just left your lungs the moment you realise two of the people you care most about wasn’t there?

TK and Christopher was no longer with her.

But somehow she gasped for her last breath of air before the icy-cold water flooded in; her throat burned as if a thousand needles had been plunged into it. But her gasp wasn’t truly her last breath, it was really her last scream as she called their names, but the heavy blanket around her swallowed that up and dulled her senses before embracing her into another tight, warm, suffocating hug.

Kasey was growing tired, she wanted to become a victim to the hug and just fall further into it.

Perhaps this is the peace Trey told her about, that you’ll truly feel all the pain leave your body and nothingness will fill your body as you just fall into the embrace that Poseidon gives you. You feel warmth from his sandy, bubbly, fingers, and you’ll feel yourself nodding along to him questioning you if you were ready to leave.

But at that question, Kasey found herself shaking her head, eyes still squeezed shut, but she attempted to wake her body up, even if it’s just for a few minutes just so she could swim up to the surface again. Because maybe Trey found comfort within Poseidon hold, but she didn’t, she wasn’t ready to go, not yet, and even if she was, she just couldn’t leave, not when TK and Chris needed her.

So she fought her way back to the surface with two things on her mind. She thought of TK. And she thought of Christopher. And that alone was enough for her to continue to fight.

❥๑━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━๑❥

“Hey – Hey, I’m looking for a TK – Tyler Kennedy Strand, and Evan Buckley and Christopher Diaz.” Kasey’s strained voice begs the woman in scrubs that stood in front of her. The tips of Kasey’s fingers were bloody, and she lightly touches one of the woman’s arms, body flinching at the realisation of what she just done.

The lady looks Kasey over with the bottom of her lip tucked in between her teeth. Kasey didn’t look so good, not with the cuts over her face and the blood-soaked t-shirt she was wearing. She questioned if Kasey even realised how badly injured she was, but perhaps the shirt being dark has hidden the truth from her and she was just now running on pure adrenaline. But Kasey knew, she knew how badly hurt she was, but she wasn’t going to let herself get looked at until she knew those people were safe, that they were alright.

Kasey takes a nervous step back at the look of worry the woman gave her.

“Ma’am you need to see–”

“Are they here?” Kasey stuttered out, hand moving to clutch her side as she felt a sudden rush of pain run through her as she impatiently waited for the woman to skim through the pages of her clipboard.

She shakes her head. “You may wanna check over there at the black tent.”

Kasey’s eyes shifts to look over the woman’s shoulder, gulping nervously.

“But we need to check you–”

“Isn’t that the–”

“The morgue.” Kasey’s unfinished question echoes through her ears, through her mind, through her heart for a little too long. She feels a sudden shakiness in her hand, and her legs began to feel weak, and Kasey thinks her vision is going, but none of that mattered, not with the haunting hum that runs through her body; her soul.

Kasey felt like she was drowning again, felt like she was wrapped in the currents once again. Her breathing halted and her throat twisted and squeezed every word she thought of.

Her stomach turned at the thought.

She gags at the sight of it, at the word of it, and at the thought of it.

Morgue.

Just that word made her feel like she was under again, that the bile in her mouth was the salt water that tried to suffocate her, and death still lingered at the back of her mind as she passed the woman, ignoring her calls for someone to come and help the injured woman.

Kasey paused a few meters away from the black tent.

She failed them.

She’s the reason that they could possibly be–

Kasey couldn’t save them.

With her blood-stained hands, she clasps them together and presses against her stomach where she’s sure her heart has fallen into.

It’s impossible. They couldn’t be dead – not her brother, her best friend, and not her–

She wasn’t there, she should’ve been there, she shouldn’t have left them, she should stayed.

She should’ve stayed.

She takes a step forward. And another. And another. She thinks she’s thirteen and half steps away from the tent before her feet stop moving, She just stands there staring at it.

“Kasey?” A voice pulls her out, and tiredly she turns to the call, “Kasey!” It was no longer a questioning tone, it was more a tone of worry, and her eyes were fluttering shut but the feeling of cold hands on her cheeks awoke her and she was now welcomed by the eyes of someone she’s known from childhood – TK. TK is here, TK’s alive and – oh, she looks over her shoulder to see her team staring at her worriedly as they stand around a tired-looking Buck with cuts across his face and is his hand bleeding? But Buck is alive too and–

“Chris? Where is he? I lost you – I wasn’t good–” Eddie feels Chris push him away slightly from the hold he was in before turning around and stumbling his way towards Kasey who rushes forwards, kneeling on the ground just to hold him.

She ignored all the pain that came with the movements.

“I’m sorry – I’m so sorry – I shouldn’t have left you – I should have been there – I should have been – I’m not going again, I’ll–” She stops when she fells Christopher hold onto her even tighter, it wasn’t like the time before when she was holding him as they walked through the water, he didn’t hold her like was scared she would disappear, he held her in the way one would hold a loved one once they returned home safe. Chris tucks his face more into the crook of Kasey’s neck and mumbles out a tired but relieved, “you’re okay.” And maybe the hug was painful, but it was worth it, it was worth it cause she has her little Diaz in her arms again and her lips pressed against his cheek, giving it a feather light kiss like a way a mother would kiss their child in comfort after they had a nightmare. “I’m so sorry,” she murmurs, voice hitching around the lump in her throat. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t find you, kiddo.”

Kasey remains kneeling on the concreate as she tucks a cold and damp Christopher closer to her chest. She rests her forehead against his cheek as she just breaths in the smell of the salt water that lingers on the curls of his hair. “I’m sorry – I’m so sorry – I didn’t – I–” Her voice shakes in distraught, but she is interrupted by Christopher little voice.

“You’re okay now kid, we’ve got you.” He mimics a phase he often hears around, and Kasey indeed felt like she will be okay as she holds him in her arms.

She holds him a little longer before she ushers him to go hold Buck for a bit more as she notices Eddie standing near, face unreadable as he stares at the pair. TK was now perched on a rock as he finally caught his breath, asking Bobby if he could borrow his phone to ring his dad.

Christopher moves towards Buck and Kasey moves to stand, grimacing slightly as she did so.

“Eds–” But the look on Eddie’s face cuts her off as he shakes his head before he gently pulls her in closer by her right wrist. His eyes searches her up and down, lingering slightly longer on her stomach. “I’m fine,” she utters, and Eddie doesn’t believe it, but he just wants to feel her, touch her, just do something to rest his racing mind and make himself believe that she is real, that she is alive.

He thought he lost both her and his son tonight, and he just finished holding his son and now he’s got to hold Kasey whilst Buck now holds Christopher to assure his mind that they’re fine – that they will be okay eventually.

But Kasey didn’t return for nearly fifteen minutes after TK and Chris, and as the time ticked the more his mind tried to convince him that Kasey truly was dead.

But she wasn’t, she was standing in front of him and all he wants to do is hold her and never let het go. All he wants to do is take both her and Christopher home and watch some stupid show on the TV as he just holds his son and best friend…

And now Eddie’s hand slides up the back of Kasey’s neck, her damp, knotted hair falling over it as his thumbs strokes the base of her head softly.

Kasey was here, Kasey was fine, and she was real.

His family was okay and now the one who held his heart in her palms was right in front of him, and without a thought crossing his mind his forehead rests against hers and their eyes fall shut as they embraced this, and now she was being pulled into his chest and her arms were wrapping round him, and oh god was Kasey happy that something other than the ocean was gripping her, holding her – protecting her.

Kasey didn’t think much of it either as his lips brushed the top of her head.

Her rocks them side-to-side and he feels a smaller body wrapping round his waist before he ushers the two of them to kneel to the ground, then he pulls Christopher into their hug. And for a small moment, they seemed like a family who just been caught in a natural disaster, that he was the relief husband that his wife and son has returned back to him, and sometimes that’s what it felt like, and right now it did feel like it, despite the natural disaster, Eddie couldn’t help but think about it.

His fingers grip onto them for dear life and he’s now mumbling that their okay, that he’s got them now, and they will be okay.

Buck was back on the phone (Athena’s phone) with Maddie whilst Hen and Chimney ushered him and TK (TK now finally getting ahold of Owen) into a tent to get checked out, Buck questioned about Kasey and Christopher and they insist that they’ll be okay, that Eddie’s got them now, and they will be just fine.

Kasey was sobbing now, she tried to hold it back, but feeling the safety around her she began to sob, and she knew Christopher was crying too as she felt his body shake in her arm and Eddie was certain he had tears quietly running down his own cheeks, but he didn’t bring much notice to it as he took care of the two in his arms.

Eddie doesn’t think he’s ever felt this stress, not till he experienced the last seventeen minutes where he found a badly-looking Buck with his son’s glasses telling him that he lost Christopher, to Christopher returning in the arms of TK Strand, only to face TK’s panic as he begs Eddie to tell him that Kasey was here and that she was okay, to him saying he hasn’t seen her, to thinking she was dead, until now holding her and Christopher in his arms as he thanks the universe for returning them all back alive.

Bobby takes a step forwards with a doctor next to him along with the worried woman in scrubs who Kasey met first. He clears his throat, hating to break it all up, but it only just came to his attention of how hurt Kasey seemed, and she needs to urgently be looked at.

“Eddie,” his voice is quiet to not alarm anyone, “Eddie, we’ve got to check them out, please.”

Eddie nods as he slowly lets them go. He raises to his feet and picks Christopher up with one arm. Christopher’s shattered body wrapped round Eddie’s left side, his head resting against his shoulder whilst Eddie moved to stand on one of Kasey’s side whilst Bobby came to assist the other side, they both caught her as she stumbled to stand, the pain overtaking her once again, and her mind finally was catching up with the wounds across her body.

“Can you stand?” Eddie asked.

Kasey nodded shakily, trying to pull herself up onto her feet. Just as soon as she managed to get upright, her knees buckled.

Eddie and Bobby catches her before she fell back to the ground, helping Kasey to stand back up. “S-sorry,” she stutters “I-I-I–”

“It’s okay, we’ve got you.”

When they entered the medical tent, Eddie insisted to be the one to look after Kasey whilst Buck took Christopher after whining softly that he needs to hold the kid again, and Eddie allowed him too, knowing he’ll be safe as Buck holds him whilst Chimney moves to check Christopher over.

Kasey unconsciously rested her head against the top of his as he kneeled slightly in front of her to gain access to her abdominal area. Her shirt was pushed up whilst Eddie gently disinfected the area, the wounds weren’t as bad as he thought they be, the bleeding had came to a stop a while ago he believes, and it was a good sign to see that she wouldn’t be needing any stitches either.

Eddie’s finger dances across the cleaned, and freshly bandaged wounds, his finger pauses at a scar just above the beginning of the white bandage, and he ponders over it, but he says nothing of it when Bobby taps his shoulder, presenting a clean shirt that he must have found.

“We’ll have fresher clothes at mine for her to get into after she showers.” Bobby smiles softly and Eddie responds with his own small smile as he nods, but as he turns to face Kasey again his smile faltered slightly as reality struck him with the fact that Kasey wouldn’t be coming home with him and Christopher.

For most of time, Christopher stuck with either Buck or TK, only coming over when he see’s Kasey slightly more awake than before, drinking some water as she winces every now and then as Eddie daps a cloth around her face to clean the cuts there. He listens to his father quietly apologise to her, and he watches as Kasey shakes her head at it every time.

Chris brings himself closer to them, he was in different clothes now from the box Bobby searched through, and so was Buck and TK, all their old stuffs were stuffed in one pile by Athena as she spoke quietly with Bobby of how she is becoming a pro at washing due to the amount of blood and dirt she has taken out of clothes that belonged to him or their two older kids that go by the name of Buck and Kasey, and a few more clothes won’t be a hassle either, she’s just glad that they’re all okay.

His head falls onto his dad’s shoulder as he looks up at Kasey with a smile.

“Hey my little lion,” Kasey teased, hand reaching out to run through his curls as she eyes his scrunched up hand, “you doing okay, kiddo?” He nods before holding his hand out to her, presenting her with a collection of plasters with a small frown.

“They didn’t have any Spider-Man ones,” Kasey gently takes the plasters out from his hands as she looks at them. “Only Scooby Doo ones.”

Kasey gasps in small excitement, “well that’s good!” She says with a grin, but Eddie could see the tiredness behind it. “I love Scooby Doo!”

“Me too,” Christopher states with a bubble of laughter.

“Would you like to put the plasters on Kasey?” Eddie questioned as he took in the sight of the two, coming to a quick understanding that they must have talked about plasters when they found one another. Christopher nods and Eddie stands himself up better before bending down to pick his son up and places him down next to Kasey on the hospital bed.

Kasey turns her head to face Christopher, hand palm-up with the plasters laying in them for him to take, and he does so very gently as he rips the white pieces off from them before placing them gently over Kasey’s face to hide the cuts.

“Perhaps you’ll become Doctor Diaz in the future,” Kasey mutters as she studies his movements. “Think I’ll be least afraid of hospitals if I knew I’ve got the best and bravest doctor ever!”

As Bobby had same final words with the doctor, he brings himself towards the trio after confirming that Doctor Diaz has finished with placing Scooby Doo plasters on his patient’s face to tell them it be best if they all go home and clean themselves up and to rest.

(There was even a soft mention that Bear is at home waiting on her return).

The group that become bigger without Eddie and Kasey’s realisation ushered their last goodbyes, making sure everyone will be alright for the night, Karen kisses them all on the cheek, wishing them a better and restful evening, she gave Kasey a teasing squeeze on her cheeks before patting it softly, then when she came to Eddie she gives him a hug and a kiss on the cheek, but as she leaves she gives his bicep a soft squeeze as she throws him a comforting and knowing look and he watches as her eyes shift to Kasey who has now began to pull herself off the bed.

Eddie quickly comes to her aid, helping her to slide off the medical bed much easier and she thanks him, and then she tells the Diaz’s boys how they’re the best doctors she has ever had, and that she’s feeling much better now. Eddie knew she wasn’t, but he also knew that comment was more aimed at his son than to him. Kasey gives another long-lasting hug to Christopher, telling him that she will try and see him the next day and she lays a kiss to his cheek and says that if he or his dad needs anything then give her a ring and she will come.

Eddie shakes his head as he stands behind the pair, a smile tugging at his lips as he watches them, and Christopher even leans up to kiss the bandage across her nose as he wishes her a goodnight before making his way to Buck and TK who were both whining next to Vanessa and Kit (who Kasey didn’t even notice turning up) as they begged to hold Christopher again.

Kasey moves to stand with Eddie’s help and Kasey says nothing as she wraps her arms round his waist, tucking her face into his chest as she just closes her eyes. “You should go,” her voice was raspy now but Eddie found it kinda cute if he forgot the reasoning behind it. “You should go and get yourself and Chris home.”

Eddie knows he should but he also wishes Kasey was coming with them, wishing she was coming home with them to clean up and rest there, and they would turn on some shitty show as they lay on the couch to watch it, all nibbling on something easy to fill their stomachs and Chris would fall asleep first, his eyes falling shut then Eddie would feel a heavy weight on his left shoulder. He then would promise Kasey that he’ll be back as he takes Christopher to bed, tucking him in and leaving the night-light on in his bedroom before he makes his way back to Kasey, who was watching them before but now her eyes were closed and Eddie would smile softly at the sight of her, watching as she finally gains some sleep before he tucks his arms under her body and lifts her up and–

Kasey was now leaving the embrace and gives him a small smile before she makes her way to Athena who wraps her up tightly whilst whispering words of how good a nice warm shower will be for her and TK and that the heating will be on, and she is sure that hot chocolate will be made tonight too.

And then everyone was leaving, out of the medical tents and Chris was situated on Eddie’s hip once Buck and TK finally let him go, Kit and Chimney were up front, helping Buck walk with Maddie following closely behind, then there was Hen and Karen, and then Bobby (who was carrying the dirty clothes) and Vanessa with Athena and Kasey behind, her arm was wrapped motherly round her waist as she began to question Kasey that all of her weight better be on her (Athena) and she better not be taking any of it, but Kasey wasn’t listening much as her head turns to look over her shoulder at the two Diaz’s and all she does was smile at them.

❥๑━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━๑❥

Eddie pushes himself off the sofa as he watches some shitty show on the television, Christopher was in bed now after having a quick bath and eating something before being tackled in hugs and comforting words from his father. Eddie wasn’t expecting anything else for the evening, especially not a knock at his door at this time of night or even from what has happened all day.

And he sure wasn’t expecting to see a clean but still tired Kasey (still covered in her bandages, but they were changed to plain brown ones after her shower, at Athena’s recommendation) at his door. He looks out at the road to see headlights on, and they gave him a quick blink and he was quick to recognise it being Bobby. He then watches the car drive off before his eyes move back to the women in front of him, who gives him a small, nervous, smile.

“Can I stay here for tonight, please,” her voice was still slightly scratchy, and she swing her arms at her sides as she gazes at Eddie and all he could do was nod as he holds back his smile from growing anymore at the realisation of why she was here.

No wonder Bobby drove off without Eddie giving an answer as he knew he would say yes to Kasey. Eddie even wondered if Bobby knew how much both Christopher and Eddie wished for her to come home with them.

“Yeah – yeah, of course,” he says and at his words Kasey falls forwards, falling into his open arms that were quick to catch her. Her forehead rests against his shoulder and she rounds her tired arms around his waist whilst he brings her into a tighter embrace.

In his hold, Kasey felt saved.

They stay standing in the doorway, still embracing one another, and Eddie wondered how long they be there for, but he didn’t really mind, not as long as he had her in his arms. It was silent between the pair; well it was until Kasey spoke up again with a question Eddie was truly not expecting tonight.

“Can I get Chris’ name tattooed on me?” Kasey pulls back slightly to look at Eddie’s face, but all she saw was his knitted brows and eyes that burnt with confusion. “I know it’s crazy – we have no relation – like he isn’t even mine or he, well, he isn’t mine anything. But he was so brave Eddie, and I want to carry some of his bravery around – it–it doesn’t make any sense, forget it.” She takes a quick pause. “But he means the world to me Eddie, really, you’ve got the best kid ever, you know? And I just want to honour him more, and just carry something of him around with me everywhere I go so when I do get scared, I’ll know that Chris would want me to be brave and …I just – I care a lot about your son, and you, my god, you two mean absolutely everything to me, I don’t think you understand how important the pair of you are to me and–”

She stops with the feeling of his lips touching the top of her head.

She blinks.

“I think,” he begins as he gazes at her, eyes full of softness, “I think Christopher would really like that,” the corner of his lip tugs up even more now, “I really like the idea too. It’s sweet.”

“Really?” Kasey scrunches her nose slightly, the plaster crumpling up as she does so. “You can say no if you want.”

Eddie shakes his head. “You can get his name tattooed, I don’t mind, but thank you for asking me though.”

Kasey blinks again cause why wouldn’t she ask for his permission? “Yeah – yeah, er, always…”

“When do you want to get it done?” He questions next as they still stood in his doorway.

“Tomorrow,” she instantly says. “I’m going to get TK’s name tattooed on me too, already asked for his permission,” she ranted slightly, “do you want to come with?” Then there was a moment of silence before she shakes her head. “Wait, no, you’ll be busy, it was stupid to ask, you will probably be working or with Chris and–”

His hand finds her, intertwining their fingers together as he offers her a soft squeeze. “I don’t have a shift tomorrow,” he states once he notices that his action has stopped her panicking rant, her eyes moves to look down at their joint up hands. “Chris will be at his Abuela’s, so I’ll come with you.”

And then he leans forwards, lays another kiss on her forehead, but his lips linger by her skin, and she swears she feels him smiling when she squeezes his hand in return.

❥๑━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━๑❥

A/N: Kit Prescott has been changed to Reiky De Valk A/N.2: Taglist found in reblog!

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mayullla · 4 months

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I’m so glad you liked what I sent in again for the Three Wishes part 2 (genie yandere)! I really like that I was able to help you cause your writing talent is way too good. (And as a fellow artist…I get what it’s like to be in a roadblock and the frustration that comes with it).

I actually really love reading more unusual or less well known fairy tales and mythology, so I could always send some more your way so you don’t have to do any research. (You can be lazy! Yay!) Though if you’re up for that, I think it’d be easier if I just messaged you privately instead of going back and forth with anon asks (if that’s comfortable with you of course).

I also like Reader’s “suffering” too in yandere stories. I always like stereotypical HEA, but my version of “suffering” is more so that the yandere wins (and Reader doesn’t die either or is heavily abused to the point where death is the better option. I hate where there is no heavy “dere” in yanderes, cause if it’s just “yan,” it’s just an abusive piece of shit).

That’s absolutely understandably about not wanting to focus on the Prince, I was just throwing it out there in case you wanted to make him a new important OC. And changing the Prince into a different profession also is perfectly fine. (Heck in the original story, pretty much the main reason the Prince was out and about was because he was scholarly-like. Having a deep and wide fascination with all the world had to offer. The dude really just wanted to go on an adventure and learn more).

And I’m glad 6.e. made your heart explode with delight! (I also have a guilty pleasure of thinking about all the fucked up things yanderes can do to their lover/others).

🩷🩷🩷

Do whatever you feel comfortable ask if you wanna stay anon or dms~ If you are thinking about spam this blog doesn't get many to to be fair. But yeah it is probably more comfortable in dms.

But just a heads up I personally don't know when I would actually start posting here again just yet. While I am slowly getting back to writing rn but I am taking the chance to write some longer stuff or more personal (deranged really) without pressuring myself to post like one or two fics every week. (also started another hobby of journalling soo) If you don't mind just exchanging ideas and stories then yeah~ ^^

Another reason why I dont want to deal with tags, hashtags and proofreading

But yeahhh hmm I deff placed a few readers in a "better death than this" while also adding to it that the reader in my head still has a fear of death but no real bad abuse???? I THINK- lmao Ehh I guess it is more so I love the idea of yanderes having control over where the reader is I guess, so controlling the area where they are, or maybe the controlling the mind or movements, or arranged marriages :p All my wips that i am working on currently is just that right now. Either one or a mix of them.

#mayu mailbox #currenly writing a 9 tail kitsune yandere x 1 tail kitsune reader #a platonic yan saintess who wants her son (yandere duke) to get with the saintess maid #another haunted house oneshot cause i was not satisfied with the last one and want to change it up a bit #thinking of some other stuff too #had to redo a draft like 3 times now cause i have this concept in mind of like a game kind of world were someone either reader or yandere #has the ability to open a game setting menu of each persona and just... hack them- so like for example changes in body #or maybe occupation or like human to like a monster or killing the person but reviving them again like how to explain editing npcs?#while for the most part they didnt realize what is being done to them??

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signsofsam · 9 months

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Fic: Drop Everything Now (Meet Me in the Pouring Rain)

Eddie realizes the irony, okay?

It’s the same freaking park.

The same freaking dog.

But this time it’s him looking like an idiot, running after River after something had caught her attention and she took off, startling him so bad he dropped her leash.

And not only is he chasing his boyfriend’s dog through the park as the sun’s going down, but there’s also a lovely storm cloud bubbling up that is sure to start unleashing its contents as soon as Eddie gets close enough to snag River’s leash again.

He’s going to get soaked, he just knows.

So yeah, the irony of chasing River through the same park, down the same path he met Buck on? He definitely gets it.

Read the rest here.

#my writing #9-1-1 #911 #9-1-1 fic #911 fic #buddie #buddie fic #evan buckley #Eddie Diaz #buck is a celebrity!au #wreck my plans verse #all the fluff #oneshot #1500 words

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help-me-nah · 1 year

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head in my hands guess who was trying to rearrange scenes for the third chapter of their ‘oneshot’ and realized it absolutely 100% plot, theme, content, and word count-wise, makes sense to split it into a fourth chapter........

#fic talk #don't look at me #since chapter 1 (you know? the actual proper oneshot?) was over 13k words #i figured chapter 3 being around there as well makes sense #but chapter 2 was 8k and my normal multichapter stuff is usually like 2.5k per chapter #so splitting 3 into two chapters that are like 9 and 7k and counting makes sense #and god theme and content wise it really does make sense to split it into two arcs but fuck! fuck! it was supposed to be a oneshot!#with a single bonus chapter! fuck!!!

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charliemwrites · 4 months

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Woof Woof Johnny Masterlist

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10

1fur1 (not canon): Ghost Konig pt. 1; konig pt. 2

Birthday oneshot

Price pt. 1 ; Price pt. 2

Gaz (1/20/24)

#cod #my writing #fanfiction #dark fic #reader fic #woof woof johnny #woof woof au #shifter au #wolf john soap mactavish #john soap mactavish

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viennakarma · 4 months

Text

Everything I Wanted I.

LESTAPPEN X READER (Part 1)

Summary: Your journey to become a Motorsport legend wasn't easy, especially when your path clashed with your greatest rivals, Max Verstappen and Charles Leclerc.

Word count: 7.1k

Tags: Driver reader, mentions of crash, abusive parent, daddy issues, trust issues, character death (not reader), cursing, strong rivalry, misogyny in motorsport, invasive media, aggressive fans, reader suffers with cyberbullying and hate, smut, female reader, +18, unprotected sex, voyeurism, exhibtionism, edging, filthy, porn with plot, queer! everyone, polyamory lestappen, bit of dirty talking, pet names, not beta read

Relationships: Lestappen x Reader

Mentor!Kimi Raikkonen x Reader

Sebastian Vettel, Fernando Alonso, Lewis Hamilton x Platonic!Reader

Notes: this is full of motorsport categories inaccuracies, just go with the vibes please. There are a few inaccuracies regarding other drivers' lives, but they are just to fit the story. I know I said it was a oneshot, but the thing got out of hand, and I had to split it in half. Soon there will be a part 2! English is not my first language, so please ignore any mistake!

Find me on Twitter!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

“They’re not friends, you understand? They’re rivals, and that’s all they’ll ever be.”

You stand, hugging your helmet firmly against your chest, your dad’s words louder than the ringing in your ear from the way he slapped the side of your head. You were 9 and it was your first time competing in a karting competition. You tried to befriend the other kids your age, but as soon as your dad called you away, fuming, you knew it was a mistake.

You followed your dad’s orders, and didn’t talk to any of the boys again. Max was already cold towards you, so he pretty much ignored your existence. But Charles was more talkative, and as you stopped answering him, he became taunting, annoying, but you didn’t fall behind, you used to clap back at him with the same intensity.

Sometimes you eavesdropped on their conversations, initially it wasn’t intentional, but they were always complaining about you, calling you names, and you realized your dad was right, they would never see you as a friend or equal, only as a rival.

One day you’re walking by when you hear your name in their conversation.

“Nah, don’t worry about Y/N,” Max shrugged, his accent thick, as he pointed to the side of his temple “she’s a little slow, but maybe she’ll catch up.”

You stood there, his words echoing in your head, she’s a little slow, that was a kind way to call you stupid, which, compared to the way your father called you that many times, it was much sweeter. You shouldn’t have let that get to your head, specially said that way. But then again, you were 11, and you kept hearing those words again and again in your head. You never considered yourself dumb, your grades in school were average, and whenever you had time off of karting to study for your exams, your grades became even better, a little above average.

And despite knowing that, after going back home after the competition, you spent the whole Saturday at the local library, studying everything you could find on motorsports and Formula One. You lent books on strategy, history, and even mechanics. Every spare time you had, you spent reading those books, or lending others. You didn’t want to be slow as they had called you.

After that, you stopped talking to Max completely.

“This is a waste!” Your dad shouted, and you flinched, taking a discreet step back, away from him, trying to avoid him getting physical.

You had argued with him, which made him more furious. You tried to tell him it wasn’t your fault, you were just as good at racing as everyone else, maybe better, but no one was willing to give a girl a chance. It made him even angrier.

“You had one job! You get into F4 on your first try!”

You wanted to tell him it wasn’t your fault. That they weren’t willing to give a girl a chance, even if you were better than half of the boys who made it to F4. But your dad didn’t care about any of it, he wanted you to succeed or nothing. He used to always say that anything below first place is failure.

So he decided you, at 14, weren’t worth the money he spent on karting. And he simply left. Making peace with the fact that your dad never saw you as his kid, but more like an investment, was hard.

“You’re never going to be a Formula 1 champion.” Was the last thing he said to you, before dropping you at your mom’s to never come back.

Living with your mom ever since your dad gave you up was something else. She had lost everything after the divorce, thanks to a prenup she had naively signed without knowing anything about it. So when you moved in with her, you noticed how the house was smaller than your dad’s, you two slept in the single room that was there. Your mom worked two jobs living paycheck to paycheck, and you barely saw her. But she was kind, comforting.

You soon realized that she wouldn’t be able to provide for your karting career. So you lied, you told her your dad was still paying for the karting, and you found two part time jobs to pay for racing. You mom worked so much, she didn’t notice your absence in the afternoons, when you went to work in an auto repair shop. Sometimes, on the rare occasions she was off work in the afternoons, you lied and told her you were out with friends, or studying in the library or even doing extracurriculars. You had the best intentions, you used to tell yourself at night whenever you laid awake, you knew she would blame herself or even work herself to death to provide for you.

The entirety of the next year was a constant struggle, and you worked, and scrapped and lied your way through the entire karting competition. It was one of your last chances to get into F4, and you weren’t sure you could live another year that way, without a sponsor.

When the competition ended, you were second place overall. Your kart had problems during the race and you were sad that it affected your performance in a race you could’ve won.

You walked closer as you saw a few of the other boys gathering around some adults, you eyed them curiously. As soon as you noticed who they were, you swallowed. They were probably scouts, it was very common in finals of these competitions, you were used to it. You also were used to being ignored by all of them scouts. You had tried many times before to make connections and make yourself known, maybe even meeting a potential sponsor, but they always ignored you. They weren’t interested in a girl, they didn’t care about a woman in motorsports. Your only hope was that one day you would meet a female scout and she would see your potential.

But meanwhile, there were only men, and they didn’t give two fucks about you. So you didn’t even get close enough to join, you heard Charles and Max talking with them, and you just turned around, going back to your kart.

You pulled a few tools from your backpack, working to fix the difficulties you felt during the race.

“What are you doing?” A man approached you, crouching close to watch your work. You briefly looked up, the guy was wearing sunglasses and a cap, just a normal guy, looking like someone’s dad.

“I’m fixing my steering wheel, it was a bit stuck during the race so I had to double the force used to be able to make it work,” you explained, and he nodded.

“You finished second, right? Why are you here by yourself?” The man asked.

“The other kids don’t like me very much. And they’re talking to the scouts,” you shrugged, trying not to think about all the opportunities they would get and you wouldn’t.

“You should be there, no? Meeting scouts is important for your career.”

“They’re not very interested in a girl racer. Believe me, I know.” You muttered, finishing with the steering wheel, testing to see if it was working all right. You turned, fixing your left rear tyre. The tyre wasn’t responding very well to the braking, “besides, my kart won’t fix itself, right? Look, you see how this tyre is slower to respond to my braking? It messed up with my balance during the race. I could have won.”

“Shouldn’t you take your kart somewhere to get it fixed?” The man asked, helping you unscrew the tyre.

“Can’t afford it,” you said, “I’m saving to try and get into F4, so I can’t spare any money on this one.”

You weren’t usually this talkative with new people, mostly keeping to yourself. But maybe you were missing a grownup figure in your life since your dad had dipped and your mom was always busy. And that man sounded really interested in your stuff, so it felt natural explaining to him.

“So, no one sponsoring you?” He asked, which made you look at him again, hesitantly.

“No, uh, I had one but he dropped me last year” you said, leaving out that part that it was your dad.

“You know who I am?” The man asked and you looked at him, shaking your head.

“Someone’s dad? I mean, I haven’t been introduced to all the kids and their parents yet, but you’re kinda familiar, so-” As you were babbling and trying to explain, he took off the cap and sunglasses, and you immediately recognized him, “oh my god!”

“Shh, shh” he silenced you, putting the disguise back.

“You’re Kimi Raikkonen!” You whispered, and he nodded.

“I’ll be your new sponsor, eh? What do you say?”

"Just like that?"

"Just like that," he nodded.

"How do you know I'm good enough for a sponsorship?" You asked, genuinely curious.

"Well, are you good enough for a sponsorship?" He asked. He had been keeping an eye out at that very category, and you had caught his attention as seemingly smart and emotionally controlled with the kart.

"I'm the best of the bunch," you smiled at him and you won him over with that answer.

Kimi became your lifeline, in a way. His family was quick to embrace you in an affectionate way you would’ve never expected of them. They invited you for their little New Year’s party, and you eventually told everything about your life to Kimi. His wife Minttu had also taken you as one of her own and their kids liked you a lot.

Under Minttu’s suggestion, Kimi also enrolled you in language classes, so besides English, you spent the next years learning French and Spanish, and you also caught a little Finnish from being so close to them.

You kept pushing your way up from F4 to F3 and so on, but instead of climbing it steadily like the boys, you had to win two or three times more than them to prove you were worth taking the next step.

You were 16 when your paths crossed with the boys from your childhood again. They recognised you, but they never really talked to you, so they didn't this time around either.

Coming out of the bathroom you once again caught a conversation, and you stopped dead as soon as you heard your name.

“No, not really… I don’t see her like that at all- she’s- uh-” Charles was speaking, probably looking for the words in english, “-she’s more like one of the boys.”

You paused, your breath hitched.

“Yeah,” that was Max, “I don’t see her like that either. I guess she doesn’t care about the things girls her age do.”

You felt a lump in your throat, retreating back to the bathroom. You stood in front of the mirror, watching your face as the tears fell down on your cheeks. You were dressed in your regular racing day attire, cargo pants and a sweater. You didn’t wear makeup and your hair was all frizzy because of the helmet.

The next time you went to the Raikkonen residence, you pulled Minttu aside one moment.

“I want to be pretty. Will you help me?”

You two went through a long chat with Minttu reassuring you that you were pretty in your own way and you insisting you wanted to be pretty like other girls, more feminine and girly.

When you entered F2 after the winter break, you felt and looked like some better version of yourself. Minttu had helped you set a skincare routine that was already helping clear your face from teenage acne. She also took you to a hair salon, where you trimmed your hair and made a few highlights. She upgraded your wardrobe, and even if you tried to refuse saying it was too much, she said it was a Christmas gift and wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Your path until reaching F1 was slow and steady, and you were a reserve driver for two years before finally getting a seat at McLaren. You knew Kimi probably had a hand in getting you a chance, but he denied every time you asked.

Kimi told you the raw truth before the season started. He and Minttu sat you down and talked about how the world and Formula 1 would expect more of you than of any other rookie. How they would stress your mistakes tenfold. How they would diminish your achievements with the same intensity. You weren’t afraid, really.

“I’ve lived with my greatest hater more than half of my life, I can handle strangers” you had laughed to the couple.

Still, Kimi taught you everything about his Iceman persona, and told you to pick whatever you wanted from it. Minttu also convinced you to start therapy, which you accepted.

The hate started as soon as you were announced. Beyond the regular misogyny, they were calling you too old to be a rookie at 24, they were questioning your abilities even with numerous championships from other categories to back you up, even with the fact that your mentor was Kimi fucking Raikkonen. But you didn’t let any of that get under your skin.

Sebastian Vettel was quickly drawn to you, and he became your first friend in Formula 1. He had been close with Kimi from the time they were teammates, and he kinda adopted you.

The guys your age didn’t want to get too close to you. The very few times they talked or walked with you, it sparked romance rumors, and soon they pretty much ignored or avoided you. You knew their intentions weren't to be mean, they were probably just avoiding problems with the media and their girlfriends or wives, but it didn’t hurt any less every time they walked straight past you.

One of those times you were going to the group press conference and all three of the guys walked past you as you tried to chat with them. Your shoulders slumped, and you swallowed the lump in your throat.

“What was that?” You jumped at the sound of another voice. You looked behind you to see Fernando Alonso walking up to you. Up until that point, he had been polite to you.

“Oh,” you stumbled over your words, “being seen talking to me is bad press, apparently.”

“Una tontería,” he muttered, shaking his head, which made you laugh, surprised. He put a friendly hand over your shoulder and led you to the media session.

Simples as that, Fernando too became your friend.

You asked your PR manager, Amanda, to bend a few rules to make sure you would always be at the press conference with Seb and Nando or at least one of them. Most of the time, you did. But sometimes you were unlucky and had to sit stiffly through rounds of absurdly odd (and downright misogynistic) questions by yourself.

Soon you gave up on befriending the other drivers and being charming to the media. You realized the Iceman persona of Kimi looked like a good way to protect yourself from the clutches of the motorsport world. By the sixth race of the year, you gained the Lioness nickname. An agile hunter in your driving style and just as fierce in your answers.

“You’re always seen more comfortable with either Sebastian or Fernando, who are way older than you” some reporter said, “why is that?”

“I believe we’re closer in maturity age,” you said, face expressionless. You heard snickers around the room and you looked to Fernando who was visibly holding a laugh.

“So you’re saying the other drivers are immature?” The reporter pressed, but you didn’t want to talk anymore.

“No,” it’s all you answered, putting your mic down.

Everyone already thought you were arrogant, selfish, and superficial, and as you embraced your cold persona, you just fed into their assumptions. You couldn't care less, it was a good way to protect yourself, to be distant from the media who were constantly trying to drag you to the dirt.

“You mentioned the other day that you believe you should’ve joined F1 around the time the guys your age did. Why do you think that didn’t happen?”

“Because of what’s between my legs, Brian” you deadpanned.

You had to prove yourself two or three times more than the boys every single step of the way, to get into F4, F3, F2 and now F1. You made it, you were there, between the 20 best of motorsport in the whole world… and still… Still you had to hear questions about how you managed to race with a period, questions about boyfriends, questions about hair care or skin care, or whatever. You wouldn’t mind any of that if those were common questions, if they were asked of every driver, but they were only asked of you.

“I would like to express that, from now on, I will only answer questions that would be asked of the male drivers too, about the sport, about the cars, about strategies and everything that revolves around racing,” you warned one day before the end of a media conference when someone asked if your PMS interfered in your racing.

You started to not give two fucks about the media. Every time someone asked you a misogynistic question you just stared at them and put your mic down. So those types of question died down a little bit.

“Do you think you would’ve already been world champion had you entered Formula 1 earlier, let’s say at age 19/20?”

“Yes.”

Most of the guys ignored or avoided you, but your path always clashed with Charles Leclerc and Max Verstappen. They always hinted at not liking you in the slightest, and the media and the fans started catching up to it, throughout your rookie year. They would shamelessly shade you, and you never backed down, giving it as hard as you got.

You walked to a reporter, still using a towel to dry your face at the post race interview.

“Did you hear what Leclerc said about your move as you left the pits?” The man asked you.

“No, I didn’t. Do I look like I care about a man’s opinion?” You said, loud and clear.

You got as many fans as you got haters, especially as you messed with Leclerc’s and Verstappen’s loud fanbases. It wasn’t really on purpose, but one of them would usually jab at you in interviews, and when word got back to you, it would anger you to no end, and you would shade them back, and in an insane amount of back-and-forths until your rivalry was in articles, the news, twitter threads, and in the mind of every single reporter in a race week.

“Verstappen talked about your overtake at lap 49, he said it was a dirty move.”

“Like he did to me back in Silverstone?” Your eyes held a mischievous glint as you scoffed, “Funny, you didn’t see me whining about it back then.”

You had the best rookie year ever since Lewis Hamilton debuted. You almost reached the same overall numbers as him, getting six podiums and your first ever Formula 1 victory. You finished the driver’s championship in fifth place, over older drivers that were literal champions of the world.

The first time Lewis Hamilton really engaged in conversation with you was during the FIA Prize Giving Ceremony by the end of the season. You were proudly smiling, holding your Rookie of the Year trophy. He had been polite to you before, but he always looked unattainable, in a way. He was beyond the world of Formula 1.

“Congratulations!” He smiled at you, sitting by your side. Your heart thrumming in your chest, trying not to fangirl too much. Sometimes it was unbelievable sharing casual conversation with legends you grew up admiring from afar.

“Thank you, Lewis. Congratulations on the championship!” You said.

“I’m sorry for not realizing most of the boys were excluding you. I chatted about it with Seb, and he told me your only friends are him and Fernando.” Lewis whispered, looking genuine, “I guess I was so focused on the championship that I didn’t bother to check on you. I’m sorry, really.”

“Don’t worry about it,” you raised your trophy, “I made it, right?”

“Succeeding despite the adversities… I see traits of a champion in you, congratulations” Lewis got up, raising his flute in a toast for you, “see you around, Lioness!”

Soon the next season you realized you had a competitive car. More than the year before. As for the first few races of the season, you had a win and podiums, which put you as a contender for the driver’s championship. Unfortunately the other people competing closely with you were none other than Charles and Max. Your rivalry had died down a bit when they noticed that you only shaded them when they provoked you first. So as their jabs became few and far between, it meant your clap backs did too.

The season was as good as it could get, that is until Monza.

You had felt the problems braking specifically during qualifying and your team tried to fix it but there wasn’t much anyone could do due to parc fermé. So you spent part of the night before the race working with your strategist to find a way around your braking problems and the best way to preserve your tyres.

The data had shown it would take a bit more strength to brake, which would eat up at your tyres quicker than usual, but other than that, everything seemed normal.

You all were wrong.

As the race went on, your brakes got progressively worse, to the point that curves were taking your body strength so much you could feel your muscles sore.

“We are considering retiring the car,” Jace, your engineer said. You inhaled, trying to calm down.

You were barely holding your P5, when you saw a Red Bull approaching you. You weren’t in position to fight, so he overtook you turning in a chicane. But your brakes didn’t work as you tried to slow down behind Max’s car, you tried not going into him but your tyres locked as you tried to avoid his rear. You drove straight into his rear, making the two of you lose control of your car. You braced for impact against the wall but luckily the gravel slowed you enough that you just touched the barrier.

After checking with your engineer, you left the car and saw Max leaving his, both DNFs.

You knew of your fame of being a reckless driver, often known for risky maneuvers and overtakes, but you never dove into someone intentionally because you knew trying to take someone out would mean yourself getting taken out too. As a marshal took you back to the garage on a motorcycle, you were ready to swallow your pride and apologize to Max for accidentally taking him out.

But as soon as you stepped down from the motorcycle, Max was in your space. His face was red and his hair all sweaty and disheveled, when he fronted you, chest to chest. You knew there were dozens of cameras pointed to you, so you tried to diffuse the tension for once.

“Are you insane?! Why did you drive into me?!” He kept advancing and for each of his steps ahead, you took one back to try and explain. But he didn’t give you a second screaming all kinds of curses and blame, “you should’ve never made it to Formula 1!”

His words were like a slap to the face, and you stopped trying to apologize or explain. You put both hands to your back, inflating your chest to face him.

“You don’t get to fucking decide that! You dipshit! Who the fuck do you think you are?” You said to his face, that’s when someone from the RedBull garage ran closer and stood between you.

You watched as he was taken away from you and inside his garage. At the same time your PT found you and walked you back to McLaren.

Changing from your race suit, you tried to cool down before going to the media. You gulped down your water as you watched Charles leading the race, and getting closer to the championship than you.

“There was an altercation between you and Max Verstappen, can you comment on that?”

“He was visibly upset with the racing incident.” It was all you said, after chatting with your PR manager before stepping out to chat with the journalists.

“And what happened at that incident? Can you walk us through it?”

“Yes, uh, we’ve been feeling something wrong with our braking system since yesterday. The data showed us it would require me to be more forceful during braking, which seemed feasible. But the brakes were wearing off during the race and we were about to retire when I completely lost the brakes. I really tried to avoid him but my tyres locked and I ended up hitting Verstappen.”

“Are you sure this accident has nothing to do with the ongoing rivalry between the two of you?” You got offended by the reporter's words.

“Of course! I would never intentionally do something to put myself or other drivers at risk. I have all the data to back me up and anyone can check my onboard.”

The FIA investigated your altercation with Max, and you ended up getting an unsportsmanlike behavior penalty. Two points in your super license.

“What the fuck?! Why the fuck would I be punished for that! There are fourteen different angles from that argument and all of them show how Verstappen aggressively came on to me first!”

It got worse when you heard that only you had gotten a penalty and Max didn’t even get a reprimand.

Everyone close to you noticed how you were on edge next week. During media day your answers were short, dry, and every single journalist seemed to want to talk about the penalty.

“Yes, I do have opinions on my penalty. But no, I won’t talk about it, only the FIA’s opinion is relevant” Your words during the press conference were enough to express a little dissatisfaction and to put an end to those questions. Everyone was surprised at the fact you chose to be quiet about the whole ordeal, they were all expecting your complaints and harsh words.

When you went back to your driver’s room, you went straight to lay your head on your mom’s lap, feeling a bit down. You stayed quiet as she ran her hands through your hair softly untangling it. She knew you were upset and why, so none of you bother to voice anything, bashing in the comforting silence.

The best thing about Formula 1 was being able to retire your mom from working, now you didn’t have to worry about her burning out and she didn’t have to worry about bills or mortgage or debts. Now she had a new, bigger and better house, everything was paid for and you even gave her a credit card for hobbies or whatever she wanted. She sometimes went to the races, but she usually stayed at home, relaxing.

“I know things are hard right now,” you mom started, her voice soft, caring, “but I know you can do it, honey. You’ve faced pushback since the beginning of this dream, but you always came out on top.”

“Thank you for believing in me.”

“You will be a world champion, honey. I know it.” She smiled down at you.

You sat up as your mom removed her watch, handing it to you.

“I wanted to give it to you on your birthday, but I feel like this is the right moment,” she turned the watch, showing you the inscription that read strong woman, and you felt your eyes water, “this was my grandma’s. She gave it to my mom, who gave it to me, and now it’s yours.”

That week you got a victory, raising your P1 trophy for your mom, who was watching you with a hand on her heart, crying happy tears.

As the season progressed the championship became even tighter between the three of you. Mere points set the three of you apart, and with each week result, the P1, P2 and P3 shifted between you. It had become one of the most competitive seasons in the sport.

When the third to last race came in Qatar, you were P3 in the championship, and you needed at least P4 in that race to keep fighting for the championship. You didn’t care about anything other than getting a podium, focused on your racing mindset, no distractions. If you only got that win, it would mean getting back that P1 in the championship and you would go down in history.

You were P3 after your last pitstop of the race, you had a small window of time to take advantage of being with new mediums while everyone else was with old softs. You had to pull ahead and open at least ten seconds, so you could become first when Max went to the pits. You had the perfect opportunity for an undercut.

That was until you overtook Charles’ Ferrari for P2. You passed him easily, he hadn’t gone to the pits yet, so he had old tyres. But you frowned as Jace warned you about Leclerc trying to take the position back. He couldn’t fight against your new tyres, everyone knew that. You accelerated to open a distance, but as you went fast into turn 4, you only felt the hit to your side, making you lose control of the car.

It was barely a few seconds that you couldn’t wrap your head around, so shocked you couldn’t brake, only feeling your stomach churn as you braced for impact. The second hit came against the barriers even harder than the first, it shook your whole body, leaving you dizzy and out of breath.

You talked with Jace, telling him in a shaky voice that you were okay but out of breath, and you unlocked your seatbelts with trembling hands. After removing your steering wheel, you tried to get up but you were dizzy and your legs felt like jelly. A marshal helped you out of the car, but as soon as your feet were on the ground, you stumbled to your knees. The nausea got the best of you and you puked against your balaclava and inside the helmet. The marshals made a small shield around you, as one of them helped you remove the helmet and balaclava, still dry heaving. The marshal gave you a towel, and you cleaned the best you could as the ambulance was coming.

You looked behind you to your destroyed car.

And just like that, you had lost any chance at the championship.

You held your tears as you went through the medical procedures and examinations. The world had been muted in the background and you could only hear the noise of the crash, visualizing your ruined car, and your dreams being crushed once again.

But as you came back to the hospitality, you found your mom, and sobbed quietly against her chest.

“It’s ok, honey. It’s okay,” her voice was so soothing and the pain meds were working, so you cried yourself to sleep while she held you.

Later that day, you watched the replay of your crash. Leclerc had gone way too close to you, but in turn 4 he hit the curbs and lost control, hitting your car right in the middle, full force. Your car had spun out a lot then hit the barriers. It was lucky that you had come out of the crash relatively unharmed, it was ugly and could’ve been a lot worse, from the way you spun and the G force your car hit the barrier with.

“You’re still watching that?” Your mom’s voice sounded in the middle of the night.

“He shouldn’t have tried to fight for the position back, he didn’t even have enough tyres for that! And he was way too close, look!”

Your mom closed your laptop, putting it on the coffee table. She took your hands in hers and smiled gently.

“I’m sorry about the championship. But I’m glad you’re okay, that was one of the scariest couple of seconds of my entire life,” she whispered, teary eyed.

“I’m sorry,” you muttered, ashamed that it didn’t cross your mind how worried she might have been.

“It’s okay, honey. There’s always next year, I’m sure you will be world champion. And will be there cheering for you.”

The next week in Jeddah, you felt like the world was out to get you when they put you in the press conference with both Max and Charles, as well as Lewis and Sebastian.

“Y/N, how are you feeling after last week’s crash? It looked pretty bad.” Someone asked.

“I am doing ok, thank you,” that’s all you said into the mic.

“Unfortunately, the crash ultimately took you out of the championship, what do you say about that?”

You were so tired of that question, so tired of your PR manager talking in your head about not blaming Charles publicly, despiste your desire to scream to whoever may hear that the monegasque just wanted to take you out of the competition, so he could fight only Verstappen for the championship. You just wanted the season to be over, in all honesty.

“There’s always next year, right?” You echoed your mom's words, that were also your rehearsed answer. You looked to the side, feeling Sebastian’s hand softly on your forearm, a silent show of support.

You left as soon as it was over. You knew Charles had been trying to talk to you. You supposed it was to apologize, but you weren’t having it. You were still so angry at him that you worried you’d punch him as soon as he was in your face. So you just avoided him like the plague. You didn’t want to see him, and you couldn’t afford another punishment if you acted on your anger.

“Charles has been looking for you,” Sebastian said, walking up to you as you were finishing braiding your hair for the race.

“I have been avoiding him,” you said, not looking at Seb, still focusing on your braids.

“He just wants to apologize.”

“And I want to punch him in the face, so what? We can’t always get what we want” You clenched your jaw, using an elastic band to finish.

“Y/N…” Sebastian sounded tired.

“Don’t Y/N me. I just want this season to be over, ok? The championship was in my reach, and now it’s not. And it wasn’t even my own fault. So no, I won’t see him.”

Sebastian didn’t say anything as he walked to you and pulled you in an affectionate hug that made you want to cry again.

During the driver’s parade, Fernando acted almost as a guard dog, not letting anyone close to you. You talked with him and Lewis about the crash, explaining how it felt to you.

When the season ended, you got a third place trophy during the Prize Giving Ceremony. You remembered your dad’s words throughout the entire night. Coming down from the stage, and you met with Minttu and Kimi, they congratulated you, but you couldn’t shake the feeling of failure. You looked at Charles on the stage with his P2 trophy.

“Anything other than the first is failure, right?” You sighed, eyes glued to the stage, where Max got the trophy of Champion of the World.

“What crap is that?” Kimi said, suddenly.

“My dad used to say that when I was a kid.”

“Well he was an asshole,” Kimi said matter-of-factly, “and he never made it to F1. He didn’t even make it to F4, he has no reason or power to get in your head. You were just a kid. You understand?”

“Yes, Kimi," you swallowed, feeling some kind of wheight being lifted from your shoulders. Kimi had done many great things for your life with very few words, and his succint way of being was great to pull you back to the present whenever you anxiety got the best of you.

You ended up getting the Personality of the Year award too, which was such a surprise that it worked wonders to lift your spirits and to end the season with a sweet note.

Even being in a better mood, you didn’t stay at the party too late, saying your farewell to your friends as you dropped Kimi and his wife at the hotel. You were removing your makeup after a shower when there was a knock on your hotel room door. Thinking it was an emergency, you rushed only to be faced with Charles Leclerc.

“What are you doing here?” You looked around the hall, confused.

“Can I talk to you?” Charles was still dressed in his formal attire, black tie. He fiddled with his fingers as you let him in, afraid someone might see him at your door.

“What?” You crossed your arms as you closed the door.

“I’m really sorry about the crash in Qatar,” he waited for your answer with bated breath.

“Can we have this conversation when next season starts?” You proposed. You knew you weren’t ready for that talk yet, too much anger was still clouding your judgment for a level-headed talk.

“It wasn’t my intention to take you out-” He started but you cut him off.

“Look, you’ve never liked me, I’m aware, and you cost me an entire championship, so I don’t know if I believe you.”

“It really wasn’t intentional, the accident cost me the championship as well,” you could see in his eyes that his patience was wearing thin. But so did yours.

“No it didn’t. You still had a chance even after that DNF, you just didn’t win anyway,” your anger simmered again, making you raise your voice.

“Fuck you! You treat me like this because you always felt like you were better than everyone-”

“I treat you like this?! Be fucking for real, Charles! You hate me so much you took my chance at the championship away!”

“If you had more wins during the season maybe this wouldn’t be a problem right now!”

“Unbelievable! Because you are so much better than me, all you got was second place!”

“Shut up.”

“You’ve always hated me for absolutely no reason-”

“Shut up.”

“And now you think you can barge into my room and tell me you think I’m a shitty driver? I’m not standing for-”

“Shut up!” He shouted, which was so surprising you actually stopped talking.

The both of you were breathing heavily, in one second you were sure you could strangle him, in the next, his lips were against yours and his hand gripping your hair. The kiss was nasty, all teeth and lips and tongue, his hands going down your body, pressing you into him, and your fingers tugging at his suit, ripping the buttons. You broke the kiss, gasping for air, but Charles’ lips found your neck and he bit into your pulse point.

“Fuck you, Charles” you said, breathless, opening his trousers and he ripped your little sleep top with his bare hands.

It was so hot as you stumbled backwards and he followed you, tossing your top behind him, you took off his shirt and undershirt and he helped you kick out your shorts.

Charles pressed you against the wall, kissing you aggressively again, and you moaned as he placed his thigh between your legs, and you ground against him, turned on, dampening his trousers with the wet of your panties. You pressed your hand against his bulge, and he groaned, pressing into you even harder, humping like horny teenagers.

You didn’t even bother to get him naked, with his trousers half undone, you just pulled his cock out, heavy in your hands. You watched his pained expression as you spit on your hand so you could masturbate him.

“Fuck it,” you moaned, knowing grinding on him was not nearly enough.

You pulled your panties to the side, and lined his cock up into you. It was so tight as he slid into you, that your eyes rolled in pleasure, and he raised one of your legs against his waist to make room for his hips. He pulled back and snapped his hips into you again, his cock stretching you so good you were shaking. You put one arm around his shoulders holding on him and the other hand you held his ass under his loose trousers, your nails biting into his flesh as you pushed him even deeper.

“Fuck, ah-” he moaned in your ear, “so hot- putain-”

The loud, wet sounds of his hips pistoning into you were obscene. You angrily bit him, his shoulders, his chest, his jaw and he went even harder, your back hitting the wall behind you, and you pulled his hair, sweat starting to form all over your body.

“Fuck, Charles!” Your moans got even louder, and Charles stuck two fingers into your mouth, muffling your sounds as he fucked you.

He was hitting the perfect spot inside you, and it was enough for you to know you would come that way. You slapped his cheek, taking out some of your anger and he groaned, going harder. He pulled his fingers from your mouth and held your neck, pressing your torso against the wall and choking you a little bit.

“I can’t hold much longer” he warned you between gritted teeth, relentlessly fucking you.

You pinched your own nipples and it didn’t take long for you to come, your cunt clenching so hard around him, it was enough to send him over the edge too.

Shaking, the two of you slid to the floor, breathlessly lying down, half naked and sweaty.

None of you said a word.

When he was ready to go again, he put you on your knees, your torso against the mattress, and he pounded into your cunt mercilessly from behind.

The third and last time was lazy, slow missionary and he held your wrists above your head with one hand, pressed your clit with the other, sucked a few hickeys around your tits and his cock pressed over and over your g-spot.

When you woke up the next morning, Charles was still asleep by your side. You went into the bathroom and showered, hoping he would catch the hint and leave. But as you came out showered and dressed, he was still out cold. So you quietly packed your bag and left for the airport.

#f1 #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #formula 1 #formula one #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc x reader #max verstappen x you #max verstappen x reader #lestappen x reader #lestappen #Spotify

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hyunsvngs · 7 months

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kinktober 2023

billy and i will be participating in kinktober this year with our lovely friend ems aka @cbini !! this is all of our first ever kinktobers and we can’t wait to share it with you :3

day 1: seungmin - olfactophilia - billy

day 2: changbin - stuck in a wall - ems

day 3: 3racha - free use - juno

day 4: felix - crossdressing - billy

day 5: jeongin - glory hole - ems

day 6: minho - period sex - juno

day 7: chan + jeongin - frottage - billy

day 8: changbin - armpit kink - ems

day 9: seungmin - knifeplay - juno

day 10: hyunjin - thighfucking - billy

day 11: chan + felix - double penetration in 2 holes - ems

day 12: jisung - water sports - juno

days 13-15: break from oneshots! answering your asks in this period

day 16: minho - somnophilia - billy

day 17: chan - edgeplay - ems

day 18: changbin - pegging - juno

day 19: hyunjin - waxplay - billy

days 20-22: break from oneshots! answering your asks in this period

day 23: felix - gags - ems

day 24: seungmin - tentacles - juno

day 25: jisung - small penis humiliation - billy

day 26: minho - boot worship - ems

day 27: hyunjin + jeongin - foot fetish - juno

day 28: minho - breeding - billy

day 29: hyunjin - sweat - ems

day 30: chan - rimming - juno

day 31: surprise collab fic

#stray kids smut #stray kids kinktober #stray kids fanfic #stray kids fic #stray kids scenarios #stray kids fanfiction #stray kids imagines #stray kids x reader #bang chan smut #lee minho smut #seo changbin smut #hwang hyunjin smut #han jisung smut #lee felix smut #kim seungmin smut #3racha smut #yang jeongin smut

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itstheghostofmypast · 1 month

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Must Be Love

Corporate Worker San x (F)Reader

Summary: Love, is an emotion so deep that once earned, it could change lives. Unfortunately, neither of the two had ever had the opportunity to feel love. Well, maybe he had, but having his heart thrown back at him, made him realise that the corporate world was far too busy, far too bitter and far too cold for a hardworking boy from Namhae- it was about time he accepted the bitter taste of reality.

Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Fluff

Warnings: Languages/ Insecurities (majorly of being alone)

Word Count: 21k

Est. Read Time: 1 hr

Rating: nc-17

Networks: @cromernet @k-labels

Banner: @cafekitsune

A/N: Only God and @edenesth know how this was supposed to be a timestamp, that turned into a oneshot that is so long- that I- I swear I don't even know why San has me in a chokehold.

"All I'm saying is that speed dating does work for some people." The brunette claimed entering the elevator with the taller man who shook his head with a pout, pressing the parking button. Sure, speed dating worked for a few people, but those few people were rarely introverts, moreover, he did not have time for love. Love was a luxury he could not afford, especially after his last encounter with the villain, he believed that distancing himself from it would keep him safe, and keep him from hurting.

"Yeah...just not my thing," he mumbled, stepping out onto the concrete floor, their polished shoes scraping against the cement, echoing in the enormous parking lot. Sighing he looked over the fence, frowning at the jam below, "I hate Mondays", muttering to himself he turned to wave off Yeosang who smiled at him, before ducking down to enter his car, lowering the window once the engine was switched on, "I'm just saying San, you can't let her get to you forever."

"See you tomorrow Yeosang." with one final wave his friend drove off, as the man himself, got into his car, buckled up and decided to speed out, it didn't matter anyway, he'd be stuck in traffic but at least it'll be quick, it was already 9 pm, the sooner he could go home, the sooner he'd be in bed, ready to succumb to the solitude and silence at his apartment.

Unfortunately, by the time he arrived, it was already 11 pm. Cursing under his breath he walked out of the elevator, so exhausted, so tired, so done with everything. A constant ringing in his ears only added to the discomfort, as he squinted at the hallway lights. Making his way down his corridor he reached his door until pausing, turning his head to find someone sitting at the door next to his, hugging her knees- was she...crying? All too suddenly the ringing disappeared, the lights around him became much bearable, the dull greys around him morphing into something else- San, stop. Clearing his throat, he looked at her, trying to get her attention, which he only got once he 'fake' coughed.

His curious gaze met with glossy doe eyes, and a tear-stained face stared up at him. Unknown to him, she had just come to the realisation that God really did do people favours, and one of those favours was creating a being like the one standing above her, with a gaze so soft she could almost feel it, his features sharp as a feline and not to mention those shoulders, damn what a beauty. She watched him blink at her slowly before turning around and- oh. He went inside.... wow.

With a snort, she shook her head-that was anti-climactic. Of course, why would anyone even want to deal with her, especially someone like him?

San closed the door behind him, slowly walked over to the console table, and stopped to stare at his reflection, God he looked like a mess, no wonder she was staring at him like that. Running his fingers through his hair, he sleeked back his bangs, trying to calm down his nest of hair before fixing his tie and opening the door to find her in the same place, walking over to her as he cleared his throat.

"Excuse me Ma'am-" he began, pausing when she looked up at him with a frown, man, he wasn't good-looking, but he wasn't that ugly either.

"I lost my key."

"You- what?" quirking a brow he stared at her before looking at the numerous bags and suitcases beside her, how exactly did he not notice these before?

"I moved in today...lost my key and the landlord is out of town," mumbling she hugged her knees tighter looking away from him, frowning at the tiled floor, waiting for something, a backhanded compliment, an insult, a taunt, something to remind her of her ignorance and lack of competence.

Sighing he rubbed his face, before staring at the door, looking at the lock pad, moving closer he stood right beside her, glancing down at her, though she was still staring ahead, frowning like a child put in time out shaking his head he began pressing the numbers on the keypad, resetting the door's lock- knowing this was no longer a used apartment, it had a generic code from number one to five, he was confused why the landlord had decided to not tell her this. On the other hand, this was common knowledge, but then again, he didn't know these things when he started, a fresh graduate with the hopes of stepping into the world with a will to change stuff- that is until the corporate world put him back in his place.

The beeping caught her attention, side eying him, most of her vision just comprised of his pant leg, craning her neck upwards, she met with the gaze of an angel, giving her a small smile as the light behind him glowed in all in angelic mercy. Was he...bipolar?

"I've reset it. Please change the passcode once you settle in."

With that he walked away, leaving her sitting there, grateful yet so confused, his calm demeanour just putting her anxiousness at bay. The soft click of his door brought her back to reality, clearing her throat she stood up, dusting her clothes she made her way to his door, clearing her throat, trying to fix her hair before ringing the doorbell.

San was almost done unbuttoning his shirt when the doorbell rang, as he paused, groaning in disdain the man glanced at the clock, it was almost midnight, what on earth did the world want from him now? Messily buttoning it back up he padded to the door barefoot, his tie hanging around his neck, annoyed at the pestering dinging of the bell as he swung the door open, glaring at whoever was rude enough to ruin his few moments of silence and bliss.

"Th-oh- sorry." she stammered, averting her gaze before bowing and thanking him, mumbling her name and scurrying away through her open door, slamming it shut, her things still outside. He stared at her, what a peculiar woman, what was her problem? Glancing down he realised most of his shirt was still unbuttoned- oh…well technically he was wearing a vest- shit did she think he was weird? A pervert? Great going Choi San. Sighing for the nth time of the night he closed the door, finally deciding to go to bed and forget whatever embarrassing things he had done tonight.

Leaning her ear against the door she weighed for it to close, praying to any entity out there that he did not assume she was weird or a perv. It's not like this was the first time she'd seen a man and technically he was still fully clothed so- God, Jongho was right, she's been single for too long. A good ten minutes later she cracked open the door, leaning out to glance at her neighbour's door, apartment number 404, well then, at least he was gone, she could pull in her stuff without any interruptions.

"You traumatised- no, you harassed a woman," Yeosang mumbled, coat in hand as he entered the elevator, San following in behind, San who was also late today, San who had rushed to work today, forgetting both, his laptop at home and his coat.

"I did not." he sighed, staring at his reflection, he hadn't gotten much sleep last night - or any other of the previous nights for that matter. Usually, when he'd lay down, his body would be exhausted, but an hour in all he'd do was toss and turn restlessly, blanketed by something else, something heavy and blue, at this point he had no clue as to what to do. The room would just end up getting stuffy and within a few hours, he'd slip out of bed, have a cup of coffee, shower, change, try to eat something, anything so he could function and leave like he had a whole eight hours of sleep.

"Should've asked her how she lost the key though." the other man hummed, pressing the buttons of their floors, eying his friend who was now leaning his head against the wall, eyes closed with a pout.

"No."

"No?"

"No, she was already upset, who cares how she lost them." he sighed, straightening up once the door opened, "Didn't feel like adding salt to the wound."

"Aww...my stoic Mr.Choi is so considerate." he teased, patting the back of his friend who rolled his shoulders, before walking out, mumbling a, "I'll just take Mingi's jacket- don't bother coming by!' he turned around swiftly to point at Yeosang, who stood there behind the open doors, waving at him, "Whatever you say...." waiting for the doors too almost close for the punchline, "Perv."

"Will you be going out for lunch today, Sir?" Mingi asked, fingers frozen above the keyboard, peaking through his glasses as he stared at San who was locking the glass door to his office.

"Yeah...want something?" the man turned to look at his secretary - assistant, mind you- who shook his head, "Enjoy your lunch, Sir." with that he went back to typing up the due report - one that was due a day ago, he was just glad San hadn't realised that yet.

Shaking his head San sighed, "Mingi, my man, you gotta stop calling me Sir." stuffing his hands in his pockets he looked around the almost empty floor, "Also, I've submitted the report." his words caused the taller man to freeze, his curious eyes locking with a tired, blank pair, an apology simmering at the tip of his tongue but the man raised his hand to stop him, "Just...tell me next time."

"Yes Sir."

"Creme croissant and a latte, right?" he asked as he began to walk away, being nothing more than a hero- no, an angel, for Song Mingi, oh how he wished everyone had a boss like his. Standing up and bowing a good 90 degrees he kept thanking the man until the elevator doors closed.

Grimacing at the bitter taste of his coffee he walked down the street, frowning at almost everything. The sun was too bright, the birds were too loud, there was too much traffic and lunch hour was packed. Holding onto the paper bag of Mingi's lunch he bit the end of the straw, staring into the windows of the shops he passed by. Why did these people look so happy? Did they not have work? What did they have that he did not?

Too lost in thought he collided with someone, though little damage was done to him, other than dropping Mingi's lunch, his coffee was fine, and so was his shirt. Sighing in relief he turned to look at the person who had ended up on the floor, about to apologise he paused, "Oh...it's you."

Falling on your butt is one of the worse things known to man or woman in her case, truth be told she hadn't seen the man, especially because of the boxes that she was holding, they were heavy and if Jongho didn't think that rock-paper-scissors was not the best solution for any problem, especially when it meant carrying heavy objects, she wouldn’t be here. She was picking up the cups that fell out of the box, luckily the one with the spoons and forks was taped up, mumbling an apology to the person before spotting the soiled package- shit.

"I'm so sorry-" she was cut off by his statement, staring up at him, oh shit. Clearing her throat she nodded before standing up, patting the dust off her clothes and apologising, "I-I'm sorry I didn't see you there. " He was about to say it's okay please stop apologising but before he could she reached for his feet causing him to bounce back only to realise she was reaching for what remained of Mingi's lunch.

"I- I'm so sorry, I'll get you a new one." she said placing it on the boxes and trying to pick them up, though he reached for them before she could, picking them up, "Please stop apologising. It's alright, you don't have to," he said as he looked at her from over the boxes. Wow, he makes the boxes look small, what else can he pick up?

"No, please you don't have to help me, I can carry them." she said trying to reach for them but he shook his head, nodding in the opposite direction, "Where were headed?"

"LET ME MAKE YOU LUNCH"

The two stared at each other, her words causing the two to stare at each other before he cleared his throat, averting his gaze and she shook her head trying to explain, "I mean for the one I dropped, I have a cafe- technically it's not open yet but you-you can be the first official nonofficial customer."

"Ah...okay," whispering he turned to look at her again and nodded, following her as she began to speed walk in the direction of his office- oh it was close by? They stopped at a closed shop just a block away, the windows covered with newspapers, including the glass door. Craning his neck back he stared at the name, a giant board of the name - oh it's a cafe? 'Jiyuu'.

Freedom, huh? He followed her inside, only to abruptly stop when she turned around "I can hold it-"

"Just tell me where to keep it,” he asked before walking towards the dusty counter, placing the boxes on it and turning to her but she zoomed into the kitchen mumbling, a 'Please stay here, I'll be right back'.

He stood there, idle, hands in his pockets, staring around the semi-decorated place, wasn't shabby, and wasn't over the top modern as well. It was close to his work too, maybe he'd try the coffee here. Speaking of coffee, how did a simple cafe owner- one that was still closed- afford an apartment like his? Someone cleared their throat, earning his attention.

"Here you go," she mumbled, "Sorry again." handing him the paper bag- it was bigger than the one he had for Mingi.

"Thank you." nodding at her he pouted, "I told you, it's okay." with that the two stood there, awkwardly standing, staring at anything but each other, the hustle and bustle of outside muffled through the newspaper-covered glass windows, the golden glow just adding to the calm atmosphere. He hadn't felt like this in a while he had not been able to hear his thoughts in a good while, it bothered him, the slow atmosphere, there was no rush, and even time had a pace of its own. A melancholic serenity, he was slowly beginning to enjoy until his phone rang, causing him to jerk back to reality, only to realise she was busy unboxing, when did she move away? Did she just let him stand there, staring at the wall?

"I- thanks again." clearing his throat he nodded at her, earning a gentle smile, "Thank you too." with that he quickly made his exit.

That day, Mingi received more than just a croissant and a latte, he got a whole Danish pastry, a cold coffee and more assorted baked items- No, San did not tell him how he got them, he just told him it was his treat. That day, San had finally witnessed something, felt something so similar that he felt goosebumps, felt the hairs at the back of his neck stand, yet, other than his internal conflict, the world around him was at a pace so strange, one that was slowly pulling him in, something he was deathly afraid of, yet, he welcomed it, just a little bit. That day she finally made a friend, other than Jongho, even if it were comprised of him just being nice to her, she'd accept that, everyone was falling in love, and at least she was no longer falling behind.

A week, it had just been a week since the two had come to know about their existence and he had realised how even though he'd address her with her first name she'd use Mr.Choi. Perhaps she would do so out of respect, or perhaps she was scared of him. Either way, what he did not expect was for her to knock on his door, drenched to the bone, shivering as she tried to give him that usual smile 'Everything is A-okay!'. He could see right through it, and even though he had decided to not meddle in others' affairs, he still somehow found her sitting on his couch, clutching onto a mug of tea, one of his spare towels wrapped around her shoulders.

That is not what baffled him, what truly amazed him was how this strange woman just barged into his apartment, wet as a cat caught in the rain and had brought up a proposition, much similar to the one Yeosang would bring to the table during the yearly board meetings, making San want to strangle him most of the time.

"So, in reality, you want me to drop you off at your place of work and you'll pay me...with coffee?" He asked, watching her sit on his extremely expensive leather couch, sleek black, matching the monochromatic theme of his living room, and her damp clothes were not doing the leather any favours.

"Yes- I mean, No- I mean a coffee and something to eat, whatever you like! I read that business and corporate people love a good brew and I'll be targeting them too so-" she went on and on, playing with the hem of her damp cardigan, but he raised a hand to stop her, her eyes widening at the gesture, oh god, was he going to throw her out? Jongho did tell her that this was a bad idea.

"Why are your clothes wet?"

"O-oh." her face flushed at the question, her gaze flickering to her lap as she cleared her throat, "It started raining on my way back...and I didn't have an umbrella."

"But the forecast.... mentioned it." he sighed, rubbing his face with his hands before stopping to glare at her, "Did you not take one or did you forget it at the cafe?" his words were cold, but held some form of warmth to them, though his hard glare softened at her meek response.

"I left it at work, Mr.Choi."

"Go home." was all he said as he stood up and walked over to the main door, turning to catch her staring at him with wide glossy eyes, of course, she wouldn't get the hint, "We leave at sharp 6 am”.

"So... this is just what neighbours do?" Yeosang glanced up from the documents, of course San had blocked the funds for the marketing department, this man's sulking was affecting his work ethic too- by work ethic, he meant how he was holding Yeosang's big marketing plans.

"Hmm? Oh yeah...I guess, why?" he asked still reading through the other proposals, not really thinking about it or her. Honestly, he had assumed she would've tapped out within a week, though this past month he was impressed by her persistence. Some days he'd just step foot outside to find her standing in front of her own door, holding onto her handbag, only to smile at him. How on earth was she able to pull off the heart-stopping smile early in the morning? He still didn't know how, he'd just nod silently, sometimes mumbling a good morning, but his lips wouldn't quirk up the slightest.

She'd followed him silently, usually not speaking unless spoken to, but he could sense that she had many stories to tell, but perhaps his heart was already too full, sinking into this blue and her stories and words would just ruin any chances he'd have to stay afloat. Hence, they'd only exchange pleasantries when he'd see fit, but he'd thank her, every time he'd drop her and she'd ask him to stay for a minute, only to run inside with her things and come back running with a coffee and a paper bag. Each day it would comprise of something new, and she'd just say it's her trying new recipes, though she never made the coffee, it was made by him, someone named Jongho, he didn't know much about Jongho, only that he played a vital role in her life- so she had someone too, even if potential. And for once he was glad to have kept his walls up high as he had, though this silent pitter patter of his heart, from every time she'd smile at him annoyed him, every time she whispered before closing the door, " Have a good day, Mr.Choi", it just made the pound of flesh in him shiver with an unwanted excitement.

"San?"

"Huh?"

Clicking his tongue, Yeosang leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms as he scanned the man across the table. His shirts were pressed to the crisp, his usual four-in-hand tie knot, now a full-blown Windsor knot, he'd brought back the waistcoat as well, a choice that was long discarded and his hair, gelled back to perfection—definitely just neighbours.

"What~" he whined, slumping against the chair, almost like a child throwing a fit, a side only Yeosang would see, usually he'd mock him, but he knew San got like this when he was bound by one of his man internally conflicts, which is why he chose to keep the observation to himself and nod at the clock, "Your neighbour must be waiting, it’s almost time."

"What- oh yeah." nodding he quickly grabbed his things, slinging his bag over his shoulder, almost out the door before he stopped and turned around, "Yeo?"

"Hmmm?"

"Re-evaluate and send in the budget again."

"F*ck you, Choi."

"So..." she asked, looking around the interior of his car, "Nice car." Must've cost a lot is what she wanted to say next, but knowing him, he would've asked her to get out at that very moment- incorrect, Choi San couldn't even glare at her properly, let alone tell her to walk home.

"Thank you..." he mumbled, driving onto the main road, not really knowing how to continue the conversation, Yeosang would've made fun of him, telling him he couldn't even do 'small talk', but it's not like he had much in common with her, other than working near each other and living in the same building, on the same floor.

"I uh...thank you for dropping me home." she tried to push onto the subject, maybe he'd talk to her if she pestered him, that's how she had gotten Jongho to become her friend- not the best tactic, but it had worked once, why wouldn't it again?

"No problem." his responses were short, again, not out of malice, he just didn't know what to say to her, with his sister, it usually comprised of him being a baby to her or her bossing him around but that was different, they were siblings, they could argue about stupid things and get over it, but with her- she was...different, she was soft, she was sensitive and delicate, like a butterfly on a flower. Though she'd be one of those he'd avoid, not wanting to fall into its beauty and grace, too distracted to take note of the world around him. No longer was he willing to fall, or at least imagine to do so.

Parking the car he cleared his throat, waiting for her to move, but he was greeted by silence. What the hell- he turned to find her asleep, hugging her purse close, leaning against the door.

If this was extremely dangerous and careless of her, he might have found it cute- why on earth- HOW COULD SHE JUST FALL ASLEEP LIKE THIS? What does he do? Does he tap her shoulder? Shake her? Wouldn't that be touching her without consent? Should he call her by her name? Yes, he should, and with that intention he had turned to her once more, only to notice the small frown etched on her features, she looked.... tired.

Jerking awake she sat up properly, blowing the hair out of her face, blinking around, where- was she in the car? Whipping her head to look at the driver's seat she found him sitting there, tying away on his phone, his hair a bit dishevelled but everything else was pristine about him, as it was in the morning. His face was illuminated by the blue light, only accentuating his sharp features, to this day she wondered how someone like him would even bother talking to her.

"Good morning" he turned to look at her, catching her mid-stare, as she choked on her words, about to blurt out an apology but he cut her off, "Don't apologise, it’s something I did by choice, anyway, I got through with most of my emails for the day now so that's good. " He locked his phone before finally switching off the car- he was wasting gas for her? "Did you rest well?"

She could only nod at his question, as he got out and closed the door, she clumsily followed after clutching onto her things as he made his way to the elevator, locking the car, the beep echoing across the parking lot.

He held the doors open for her, waiting for her to run in as she placed her handbag down, turning to him with a pout, only to be met by a frown- was he angry? Of course, he was, but he did say he stated by choice so why did he-

"Do you realise how dangerous that was? Falling asleep in someone else's car?" his words were direct, cold to the brim, "It's extremely foolish. Just because we know each other doesn't mean you can do that! We're just neighbours, nothing more and even if we are carpooling this isn't safe. Would you do the same in an Uber or a bus? Do you realise this is just carelessness? It's just not how you live in the city or elsewhere for that matter-" he spat, turning to meet her with an intense glare, only to lock eyes with a misty pair, pausing when she dipped her head, "I'm sorry, I know. "

"I-I'll be careful next time. Mr.Choi." whispered, her fingers gripping the leather of her bag, he was right, they were just neighbours, nothing more, nothing less, more importantly, this formal arrangement of carpooling was only temporary, maybe she should just take the bus from now on. Jongho was wrong, she wasn't mature enough for this, and she couldn't do this on her own, her fiancé was right, she was childish and clumsy, a little girl living in a fool's paradise at best, too used to being a daddy's little princess.

San watched her walk out of the elevator, though he was too petrified to say anything, his own reaction had confused him. Why was he so upset? He was the one who let her sleep? It wasn't like him to raise his voice like this, especially at someone he would compare to a butterfly. What was wrong with him? He was never this bitter. Just like that, he watched her walk into her apartment, the soft click signalling her to lock it. No, he did not receive the usual "Goodnight Mr.Choi."

But then again, did he deserve it? With a heavy sigh, he closed the door, staring at his empty apartment, feeling...guilty? Well, he did just...it wasn't wrong but...groaning in defeat he turned around and walked out of his apartment slamming the door shut behind him.

Pushing up her glasses she frowned at the screen, what kind of schedule was this, all the buses left before sunrise, way before San would even leave, and they’d leave later as well. In addition to those issues, the bus wouldn’t drop or pick her up near the café, the bus stops were around five blocks away from the shop. Groaning she slammed the lid shut, what if she just walked every morning? Maybe she shouldn’t have moved here, leaving her comfort zone, forcing Jongho along with her- he was a fool, he’d always had too much faith in her and that had always been the problem. At this point, she had once again wasted her parents’ money and potentially risked Jongho’s life savings too.

With a heavy sigh, she picked up the laptop and placed it on her desk before coming back to bed, laying back down as she stared up at the ceiling, letting her sullen thoughts lull her to sleep. Only to sit awake when the doorbell rang, looking around her room before it rang again, groaning she laid back down and covered her ears, waiting for it to stop. And it did, much to her pleasure, only the next thing to ring was her phone, she slammed her hand around for it and picked it up without checking the ID, “Jongho I swear if you’re calling me because you have a new brew idea, I’ll stab you with a spork.”

For a second she was met with silence, causing her to pull back and squint at the caller ID, before gasping and pressing it against her ear, “Mr.Choi I’m so so-“

“Sorry? Mhmmm…I know, so am I, please open the door so I can do so formally.”

That night, was the first time she had received a formal apology from a corporate worker, one with a proper 90-degree bow, followed by a soft apology. She opened the door to find him standing there tall before doing so, standing back up and showing her a bag, “I hope you like Chinese takeout.”

“I do.” With that she moved to the side, thanking God that she had cleaned her apartment the day before, asking him to make himself comfortable as she set the table. That night Choi San finally decided to learn a bit about her, not too much, he didn’t want to get involved in anything other than carpooling, this dinner was just a mere apology for his sudden outburst anyway. He looked around the lounge, the comfortable sofa was different from his, well most of this place was, it had colour, little trinkets that represented who she was, by the window were some succulents, but there was no television to be found, weird.

Once the table was set the two began to eat quietly, that is until she began, “You didn’t have to get dinner Mr Choi, and it's too much-

“I did.” He cut her off, clearing his throat to continue, “I…my outburst was uncalled for, I know it may seem confusing, but I wasn’t upset that you fell asleep, I was …concerned for your safety, I know you just moved here…but I…” he trailed off, especially at the way she was looking at him, like a kid staring at superman, he felt small under her intense stare, no, he wasn’t who she thought he was, he was no saint, he was no saviour, he was no one special. Shaking off the feeling, he mumbled, trying to change the topic, “Why did you move here anyway?” This was a bad move, he had asked something personal, he should’ve just asked her how he liked it here or how was work going, this question just meant that the answer would get him inside for her life, insight, he perhaps could function without.

Unfortunately, after a few stories in he was hooked, the finance director was up till midnight, not because of his work, no, because one story led to another and he listened intently, letting her do all the talking, perhaps because he wanted her to feel as if she was heard, or perhaps her story sparked some form of joy.

"Lee Soohyuk?" he choked on his lettuce wrap, thanking her when she handed him a can of soda. Gulping it down before clearing his throat as he looked at her, watching her clean her side of the table with a tissue, she was done eating. Or was she not eating in front of him?

"The...the famous corporate lawyer? Damn, I've seen him...once? Twice I think." he blinked at her, noting how she had gone quiet before he gave her a small smile, "He's not that smart you know...he was also wrong."

"What?" she paused her cleaning session to look at him, "He wasn't though, he was right Mr.Choi, I'll always be my parent's little princess, I can't even function alone, I dragged Jongho in this and lord forgive how his dad invested in med school for him and he ended up becoming a barista because of me- I couldn’t even afford a place of my own- I'm still living in an apartment owned by my parents!" slamming her hands on the table she glared at the food, "He was right, I was useless and immature then, I'm equally useless now, other than Jongho now I depend on you - which I won't I promise I'm looking for a solution but the schedule and drop points are so chaotic and-" her words caught up in her throat, being pushed down by a sob as she slumped back in her chair, pressing her palms over her eyes, no crying, crying is for the weak, for those who are spoiled, for those who give up. Too busy trying to think of what breathing exercises Jongho had taught her, she didn't know when he had come to her, until he placed a hand on her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze causing him to peak up at him.

"Well, I don't know what you were like before...but...I won't say you're useless...Mingi was born here but he still rides his cycle here, and lives with a flatmate," pulling his hand away leaning against the table, stuffing his hands in his pockets- too much skinship is bad- "I... have you ever like managed your resources? Like do you have a plan? An agenda or something?"

Shaking her head she wiped her eyes, sniffing like a little girl who got scolded, "I- I thought of buying this apartment from them....and then...then...I don’t know."

Nodding San smiled at her, "So you do have a plan. You just need some help figuring it out." reaching over for a tissue he plucked some out of the box before handing them to her, "Let's get your priorities organised first. Make a payment plan or something like that, your business started off well, which means you know how to work that out, you just need help in the...other stuff. Take a leap of faith."

"What if I... fall?"

'Then I'll catch you'.

This is what he had wanted to say that night but chose to smile at her, telling her people learn from their mistakes, no matter how small. Fortunately, she had made a friend that day, one who would guide her through, one who also told her to forget about the bus schedule and that they'd still carpool. Unfortunately for him, he might have stepped into a boundary he was desperately trying to avoid. Either way, Friday night dinners slowly became a tradition, a place of dining alternating, a Friday at his and a Friday at hers- something that when he told Yeosang, all the prince-ly man did was stare at him before leaving the office without another word, ignoring San yelling at him,

"WE'RE ONLY NEIHBOURS! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?? YAH KANG YEOSANG!"

Cursing to himself he ran down the stairs, Yeosang's laugh echoing around the staircase, "It's not like you're late for a date!" he yelled only for San to turn and glare at him, stopping dead in his tracks, "I'm late to pick her up from work."

"Ah yes, because her being there makes traffic jams a bit more bearable!" he yelled from the end of the staircase laughing when San flipped him off while driving by.

She stood there, leaning against the ceramic pot, the guard didn't let her in, saying she had to mention who she was here to see and even though she had said Mr.Choi, she really didn't know which department he worked in, which is why she was asked to wait outside.

So, here she was, standing in the middle of the rain with her umbrella, staring at the cars zooming past her, the security guard inside the glass cabin giving her an apologetic smile once in a while.

Sighing she looked at her shoes, the pavement not doing much to stop the water from sliding onto the road. The pavement was getting busier too, most people just got free and as much as she loved the city, she wondered, at any given moment alone if this was a risk worth taking. A slight shove from a passerby had her stumble a few steps forward, stopping right at the edge of the pavement, not even a sorry was thrown in her direction.

She turned to glare at the woman running away in heels before a honk caught her attention, turning to spot the familiar car as it slowed down, the door opening for her as the driver moved back onto his seat, quickly she got in, making sure to close her umbrella and shove a plastic bag around it ungracefully, turning to smile at the driver, "hi-"

"Why are you here?" he spat, frowning at her before flicking on his blinker, "It's raining and I said I'll pick you up no? I didn't say you'd pick me up from work."

Sighing she shook her head, "Sorry Mr.Choi." She said that a lot, more often than either would like, it would make his heart clench every time and Yeosang would call him a bastard every time he'd mention this to him in his daily narratives.

"I- what I mean is...I was a bit late so I texted you, you didn't have to come all the way here and stand in the rain out on the street." his words softer than before, as he stopped at a traffic light, glancing at her from the rear-view mirror, watching her pout.

"I- my phone died...so I didn't know and, I was waiting but then when you didn't come...I was worried...about you so I came here and- "She was worried about him, something within him pulled at his heart, she was waiting for him? But before the feeling could settle in, her usual nonstop chatter began, shaking him out of his fever dream, "What's your department by the way, they wouldn't let me in! Said there were so many Chois! Did you know that!?? I mean Jongho is a Choi too, and then there Choi Minho- he's cute, I like him, I like Shinee...do you?"

"I...." unsure of which question to answer first he frowned before he began to drive shaking his head at her, "I’m the director of the finance department." he sighed earning a chuckle, side-eying her only for her to stop and clear her throat. He nodded at her, ignoring her first half of the statement, though the latter portion had the tips of his turning red.

"Sorry, that would just explain your expensive taste, Mr.Choi...would explain the Windsor knot too."

She stood in front of his door, checking the time once more, it was almost seven and his car was still in the parking lot. Yes, she had run down the flight of stairs to check if he was still there. She had called him too but his phone was switched off so she did the next best thing, called Jongho.

"JONGHO-"

"It's seven- no, wait- listen your monstrosity it’s not even seven yet, what do you WANT." He yelled, causing her to pull the phone away from her ear, whining an apology.

"Mr.Choi won’t answer my calls or open the door what do I do??"

"My poor baby." he cooed at her in a taunting manner, "maybe you finally did to him what the pressure his job couldn’t."

"What? What do you mean?" she asked before deciding to take matters into her own hands.

"Corporate pressure was nothing compared to you, I'm sure he's at peace now-"

"OH, SCREW YOU, I'M IN." with that, she hung up, entered his apartment and marched towards his room- the only place in his apartment she hadn't seen. Knocking on his bedroom door she slowly peeked in, only to be met by a room filled with clothes lying around, the curtains drawn close and the heater on full blast. Stepping in, careful not to step on the clothes she walked over to a heap of blankets on the bed, resting her hand on it as she gently shook it, "Mr.Choi."

The lack of movement just had her worrying even more, as she leaned closer pressing her ear against the cotton, hearing his laboured breathing, shaking her head she announced, "Mr.Choi, I'm gonna pull these off!" with that she ripped off the two- no three quilts he was cocooned in earning a gasp as he quickly sat up, hugging himself shivering in cold sweat.

He stared at her with surprised eyes, "W-what are you- shit, what time is it?"

"Forget what about the time, you're burning up." pressing her palm over her sweaty, warm forehead she frowned, taking in his flushed face, pushing his hair back so she could take a better look at him, then glanced down at his ...sweaters.

"How many layers...."

"I was cold." he whined, closing his eyes when she carded her fingers through his hair, trying to fix his hair, basically pushing it out of his face, "Of course you are...I'm going to get you something to drink...probably do something else about the fever. You take off your ...layers until then, okay?" she asked tugging at his sweater, earning yet another uncharacteristic whine - or maybe this is who he really was, she was just used to him acting all strong and mighty.

"Okay," he mumbled before reaching for the blanket again only to slap his hand away. Pulling his hand away with a gasp he gave her an offended, traumatised look.

"No." was all she said before going over to turn off the heater and opening the window to let out the stuffiness, "I'll be back in ten minutes and I better see those off you, understood?"

Wow, since when did she become all assertive? He thought to himself but only nodded at her instructions, it had been a while since someone had actually put in the effort to take care of him. This is what a good neighbour would do right? He'd take care of her too, right? He had already helped her make a payment plan that she was using to buy off the apartment her parents owned, he had met Jongho too, a nice but horrible fellow, but one that could push her and keep her on track, much like San he believed in her, claiming that

'If they didn't get her engaged with a man six years older than her, she would've had time to grow. Soohyuk wasn't bad but he was 26 and she was 20, he had a set plan, and she didn't even know what she wanted to major in- I don't blame either of them, marriage isn't a business transaction.

He watched her leave the room, glancing at the handbag on his side table, he'd seen her grow though, a few more months and the apartment would be hers, plus the cafe was getting good traffic so there was no real issue there. Though Jongho did threaten him, reminding him of how influential she was even if she wasn't on her parent's payroll anymore, any funny business would mean his career was over.

Slowly he began to take off the layers just doing what she had asked then falling face forward on the pillow, listening to the clinking of the pots and pans.

She arrived back to him with a tray in hand, for a busy man she always marvelled over how clean his kitchen was, but then again he did remind her now and then how cleaning was a good way to destress. Starting at the sweaters on the floor, the ones he had discarded because of her instructions- guessed the cleaning was only limited to the kitchen.

Shaking her head as she made her way through the maze of blankets and clothes, she placed the tray on his side table, slowly pushing her bag off the table. Sliced fruit and lots of water, followed by some Advil. He wasn't shivering anymore, so that was good, "Mr.Choi!" Turning to him she smiled, "Have some break...fast-" Good lord that some back, like that, was...wow.

"What?" pushing up on his hands he turned his head to look at her only for her to cover her face, with her hands squeaking, "WHY DID YOU TAKE OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES?"

Scoffing he sat up, his headache just adding to his bratty attitude, "Because you yelled at me too and I'm still wearing my pants." Why was she being like this, she was so mean, she even left the window open, he was so cold, his neck and shoulders hurt and it was all because of that damn window, "My shoulders are killing me because of the window you left open too!"

"I-" Lowering her hands she looked at him, sitting on his knees, staring at her with a pout, what a man-child.

"First of all, sit properly, and eat, have the medicine it'll help with the pain and" Bending down she picked up a discarded shirt, handed it to him, "Window stays open or you take a cold shower."

That was all it took for the big boy to sit there, eating his sliced apples, which were never-ending, until he realised, she was slicing up even more, and an Advil later he began to come back to his senses, clearing his throat as he tried to roll his shoulders to ease the discomfort, which ended up being futile.

"I'm sorry for not informing you, I think I switched off my phone after sending in my sick leave." sighing he leaned back against the pillows, shaking his head when she was about to cut another apple, "Please. I'm full."

With a pout, followed by a suspicious glance she nodded, placing the fruit back down and taking his empty plate off his lap. Leaning closer she pressed her hand on his forehead, he was still warm but it was better than before mumbling, "It's alright, Jongho can handle stuff better than me anyway."

Letting out a soft chuckle, his fingers gripped her wrists gently, pulling her hand away from his skin, "That's funny, I remember him telling me how he desperately needs you to deal with all the customers and manage stuff," he whispered, only then realising how close the two were to each other, with her leaning on the bed, her knee pressing onto the mattress next to his leg, "I can see that you really can."

"I..." averting her gaze she mumbled a thank you before asking, "How's the pain?" slowly pulling away as she sat back down, but his fingers still held onto her, though he didn't notice, he was holding onto her, as if she was grounding him to reality, or some form of happiness that he did not want to let go, at least not now. She however noticed this new profound clinginess and she'd be lying if she were to say she didn't like it, this feeling of being wanted, of being important and valued.

"Hurts." pouting he leaned back against the pillow, closing his eyes like that would turn off the headache, his thumb mindlessly caressing her skin, "Shouldn't have picked up those stupid weights...Jongho did this on purpose."

"JONGHO?"

His grip tightened when he winced at her tone, shooting her glare for which she quickly apologised, before pestering him, glad she was wearing pants as she pulled her hand away and moved closer to him, standing on her knees on the bed beside him, gripping his shoulders, "Mr.Choi, please tell me. What has he told you?"

"N-nothing." he cleared his throat, trying to scoot away but her grip on his shoulders tightened, fingers digging into the muscle, causing him to let out an involuntary moan before she completely pulled away, "I- I’m sorry did that hurt."

Groaning he hunched over, shaking his head, "No, no, it felt good...sorry." Rubbing his neck, he looked at her, taking in her flushed features before sighing, "I uh...Jongho and I go to the gym together...he asked because he wanted to go too, I already go there with a friend from work...don't worry your secrets are safe with him."

Nodding at his statement she stood up and moved pointing at the chair she was sitting on, "Sit."

Raising an eyebrow, he looked at her, narrowing his eyes, glaring at her, almost playfully. Taking a few moments for her to get all nervous causing her to clear her throat, "I- I mean I can massage your shoulders, I- Jongho uses this oil, uses me like a free massage person too for his neck and-"

Raising his hand, he stopped her, slowly getting off the bed with a groaning sitting down as instructed before glancing at her, "Just don't strangle me, okay? He did mention how you have the death grip of a man."

If she weren't too distracted by the sight of him following her orders, she would've jumped down the window. Taking a deep breath, she pulled the oil out of her bag, yes, she carried that around in case Jongho pulled something like the old man he was.

Once she began working on his neck, fingers pressing into the knots he bit his lip, trying to hold in the sounds that were about to burst through, if this was the privilege Jongho got for being her best friend, he'd sign up too.

For about ten minutes she went on with her usual routine, only to stop when his head fell back against her belly, going limp her hold- Oh. He had fallen asleep. She stood there, holding onto his slouching form, taking in his relaxed features. She hadn't seen him this relaxed before, he almost looked...too cute. Speaking of cute, she had learned many things about him today, from how he was actually just as whiny as he pretended not to be, to how he ate almost 5 apples before stopping, she did notice how his fridge was mostly empty other than having eggs, and leftover take out. Maybe they should have more dinners together, maybe she could cook actual homemade food for him.

Slowly helping him up, he drowsily mumbled something before falling onto the bed, as she tucked him in. Glancing at the time she sighed, she'd spent most of the day here, giving him one more look she reached for his hair, brushing it out of his eyes, "Rest well Mr.Choi."

The next morning San woke up better than ever, he knew the fatigue was getting to him but he didn't stop, he probably had forgotten how to stop. That would explain why he fell sick, but who knew he lived right next door to an angel? What surprised him more was how his entire room was clean, all his clothes were neatly folded and stacked in one place, blankets folded at the edge of his bed and the water bottles no longer littered around. She really didn't have to do so much.

Picking up his phone he checked his messages, opening hers first before Yeosang's or Mingi's

'Hope you're better now Mr Choi. Advil is on the console and I restocked your apples. Don't worry, I went to work myself today, like a big girl. You get some rest.'

Smiling at her message he leaned against the pillow, yeah, this is exactly what neighbours do.

"A car?"

"Yes, a car." he sighed, turning the laptop to her, "You can get one on loan, I can fix you up with a good payment plan." he smiled at her, only to frown at the way she was frowning at her lap, "What's...wrong?"

"I- No I- thank you, it really does mean a lot." she cleared her throat, trying to control her expression, he was tired of her, he had to be, "I just...are you- I mean if you feel our routine is taxing then-"

Shaking his head he closed the laptop, turning fully to face her own couch, she was sitting on his very expensive couch, crushing the very expensive cushion in her lap, but it was okay, because it was her, and this time, the after work hours, a few hours before would fall asleep had become their time, where she would go on and on about stuff, only for him to add in a few bits- not because he wasn't interested but because he wanted her to speak, he wanted her to be heard, that and he was still too afraid that if she were to find out he was but from a simple background, from a small town like Namhae, she might never come back here. He wanted to watch her grow, he wanted to watch her business grow and bloom into what she had dreamt for it to be, he wanted to help her and this was a way of helping her.

"It's not...taxing. But...you need to" Pausing to take a moment to think, he noticed how her nails were digging into the leather, shaking that thought away he sighed, "You need to be independent, I'm not saying we change our routine, but you should lax yours, you don't have to leave at 6 am every morning and you don't need to come back home at around 8 or 9. Like you couldn't go when I was sick and then took the bus." he paused, taking in her appearance, only to find her pouting at the TV - yes, he had her buy a TV too because he refused to believe watching stuff on your laptop was better than the TV, though just like every other day she'd come over and watch his TV instead saying it's boring to watch TV alone. Reaching for the remote he paused the movie, to get her to only focus on him, having her look at him, "Like I was saying, a car can help you fix that and what if you need to collect your packaging or go buy fresh produce from the farmer's market? You can't always take a cab, it's not safe- you're earning well enough, I'm not saying buy one because of me, I'm saying buy one because it's your need, you shouldn't depend on anyone, not even me."

Clearing his throat, he met her soft, warm eyes, watching her stare at him intently, before blinking slowly at looking at the laptop, her grip on the cushion loosened,

"I like...the red one."

"A car? I- is this 4-year plan? SAN NO." Yeosang stared at the spreadsheet before turning to San who was calmly sipping on his warm cup of coffee, the logo bright enough for Yeosang to roll his eyes, "Listen, lover boy, I get your head over heels for her, but this is a stupid idea, four years with the same car, four years and she's still paying it off- what if she wants to change the car??"

"Yeosang, she's not big on change, and four years max, the payment plan is flexible in terms of quotas she can pay, knowing Jongho he’ll make her pay it all off within two years maximum." he said as he placed his cup down, leaning against his swivel chair, earning another groan from the man across the table, "Man, just buy her a car then."

"No."

"WHY NOT"

"Because she has to learn."

"And you need to grow a pair, big enough to tell her you like her."

"I don't like her." he sighed rolling closer to his desk to turn on his laptop, eying Yeosang who looked at the papers once more, "No, you do not like her...you convinced her to buy a car, made an entire payment plan for her and told her the initial deposit fee was waved off even though YOU paid it- you don't like her my friend," standing up the marketing director walked to the door of the office, turning to glance at his friend with one final smirk before leaving, "You're in love with her."

"Jongho, can you get me more napkins?" she called out to the man who was busy singing in the kitchen, at this point she could just ask him to get himself recorded, she was sure Hongjoong wouldn’t say no to either of them. Rush hour was about to start and for that, she needed to prepare, even if the business was booming, they were still short-staffed, and Jongho’s lack of people skills was dragging the interview session longer than she had anticipated. Though she was partially to blame, she was often too preoccupied with work and then well… a certain suited man, from the car ride home to the apartment, to dinner. They had begun to have dinner together more frequently, she often cooked as well, the first time she took a homecooked dish to his place he almost cried at dinner, excusing himself to go to the kitchen for more ‘napkins’, though from the faint sniffing from the kitchen and how long he took there had her believing her suspicions were right, once he looked at her with puffy eyes. Though she never said anything, smiling at him like she always did, for once feeling as if she wasn’t falling behind, cupid could walk right by her and she wouldn’t mind, her heart was already on a platter for someone else, she was just waiting for him to realise this little fact. So, she too, was too busy to even go through the files, but one of these days she’ll definitely get back to it.

The little chime of the bell had her look up from the counter, smiling at the customer only to almost drop to her knees at the man who had walked in- no, he was a fairy- could men be fairies? An angel? No, what on earth was this creature, his face holding the same innocence of an angel, but when he spoke, it was as if she heard the grumble of a dragon- damn. Shaking away her thoughts she smiled at him, greeting him as he stepped closer, oh how she loved men in suits- or rather just one man, with the cute Windsor knot, she noticed how he’d changed it from his usual ones.

“I’ll have whatever you like.” He smiled at her, before looking around, “This place new?”

“Yes, Sir, it is, may I ask if you have any allergies?” she asked before punching in a combo number, to which he shook his head.

“Cash or card?”

“What does Mr.Choi use?”

“What?” she froze, looking up from the monitor to meet his smirk, well, that was new, “I’m sorry, what was that sir?”

“I said card.”

With that she quickly swiped his card, asking him to wait for a while until she came to him with his order. Yeosang wanted to tell her who he was, but the way she stared up at him like a school girl caught slipping a note in her crush’s locker forced him to stop himself, she looked almost too innocent to bully like that- perhaps he should leave the teasing for San instead.

You should've gotten the latest model." the man stormed into his friend's room, earning a look of surprise, leaning right to spot his secretary raise his hands in defence, Mingi was always so useless at times like this. "Dude, in a meeting." he sighed gesturing at the muted call, only for Yeosang to snort, roll his eyes and sit down cross-legged across the man, sipping on a cup of coffee, "I cannot believe you let someone like that wait in the rain for you," he mumbled as soon as San joined the call once more, back to business.

"What-" he looked up from the screen to glare at the brunette pausing at the cup, oh, "Oh you went- "Of course, I WENT- I had to check her out okay and I- you really are a d*ck, she isn't slow-witted at all, she's just cute. That's how girls are, not that you'd know you simpleton." "San your mic isn't muted" They heard a chuckle only for him to panic and Yeosang to choke on his coffee, both men apologising to their boss who just laughed it off- luckily the meeting was being held during the break, which meant this conversation could happen since they were off the clock for a while.

Much like any other day off, San had decided to do his basic house chores, and since his neighbour now had her own car, he didn’t need to worry about that today which was good, because he really did need to clean up. With the trash bag in hand, he walked out of his apartment, only to stop and stare at the figure hunched over by the elevator, what the- oh wait what?

Jogging over to her he tapped her shoulder, “Are you okay?” placing the back down he crouched down to get a better look at her face, only to frown at her pained expression, “What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing, just came back from the doc’s.” she sighed before slowly straightening back up, giving him a faulty smile, “All’s good Mr.Choi….cleaning day today?” she mumbled, changing the topic as she made her way to her apartment, not really giving him any time to answer.

She was almost in bed when she heard the front door beep open, man, she shouldn't have shared the passcode. Nonetheless, she walked back out to find him standing there in her hallway, frowning at her before marching towards her, "What happened? Why were you at the doctor's?"

"I'm fine, just a bit sick I-" pausing her eyes clenched shut, whimpering as she held onto her stomach, trying to breathe out the pain.

"That's it, we're going to get you checked again." he declared, grabbing her wrist before she snatched it away, "NO! Leave me alone." He blinked at her, taking in the sudden outburst, somewhat offended, did he overstep a boundary? Scanning her pale face he noticed the way her lower lip trembled, was she...going to cry?

"Please..."

That was all it took for Choi San to leave, not forcing her for anything. If she wanted to be alone, fine, she'd be alone, but she didn't need to yell at him like that, and then cry, that just confused him. Maybe she was offended that he came in even though she clearly tried to avoid him, but...they'd usually just walk into each other's apartments like that, that wasn't new. His phone ringing was what had him stop the brooding session, picking up the call,

"Hey."

"You need to help your stupid neighbour."

"I...well she told me she wanted to be alone Jongho, I think she's sick but won't go to the doctor," San mumbled, a bit too desperately.

"That..." he could practically see Jongho roll his eyes at him, "Because it's that time of the month."

"What time of the month?"

"Choi San, do you have a sister?"

"Yeah, why?"

".... she on her period man- look, I called you because we cancelled all the interviews for a new hire today but this one moron won't listen and I know he's going to go to her place so you gotta tell her."

"WAIT WHAT- she was in so much pain though." no wonder she wanted him to leave, no wonder she yelled at him and then began crying.

"Mhmmm...kay bye".

"JONGHO WAIT-" he looked at the phone and sighed, this man just wanted him to lose his mind, nothing else. He'd do this to him often, even at the gym. Like when he'd be lifting weights, that one time when San accidentally dropped a dumbell on his foot when Jongho casually told him, "Did you know she's in guys with nice butts, and apparently when I stare at a lady with a nice butt for a while, she calls me a pervert." Or the time he almost lost his footing on the treadmill while running, Jongho who was casually standing next to him, staring at his reflection through the mirror, "Glad she hasn't seen your arms, she has a thing for being put in a WWE style headlock." yet, here he was telling her that her secrets were safe with Jongho.

She felt someone tap her shoulder, her soul almost left her body, her scream muffled by his palm as he held her down, "It's me, it's me..." he whispered, pulling away slowly as she sat up, grabbing a pillow and smacking him with it, repeatedly, "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!"

Clicking his tongue, he snatched it out of her hand and glared at her, though he wasn't angry, his annoyed expression just confused her even more when he pointed at a brown paper bag he had placed beside her. His face flushed as he averted his gaze, clearing his throat, "Jongho said...someone's coming for an interview. This has...stuff for you...I don't know what you particularly use, so I got...most of it."

"What do you mean, I cancelled the interviews and what did you bring for me-"

The doorbell cut her off, her eyes widening in disbelief, no, did Jongho really give her address? She was fighting with the blanket, trying to get it off her when he stopped her, gently pushing her back to lay down, "It's fine...I'll interview him."

He was about to leave but she gripped his wrist, "No, Mr.Choi it's fine, you've done more than enough-"

"You took care of me last time." he smiled at her before taking something out of the paper, "Now let me take care of you." placed the item in her lap he rolled his eyes when the bell rang again, leaving the room.

What in the name of everything did Jongho tell him? She looked at the chocolate bar, it was her favourite, and she had only mentioned it once, oh my god, did he know she was on her period? Snatching the bag from the edge of the bed she turned it over, its contents falling all over the place. Good grief.... this man...he had gotten her every product he could find. Napkins, tampons, he even bought her heating pads, and other pain medicine, by the time she was done counting the things he had gotten her she was already crying, ugly sobbing at best.

San went to the door, opening it to be greeted by a man with sharp eyes. Technically, his overall appearance was sharp, from his features to his suit- was he really wearing a suit? The only thing about him that seemed remotely soft was his hair, though he looked like a fresh graduate so why apply to a cafe, that too one that was a new seed in the market?

"Good afternoon. Is Ms.L/N here? My name is Jung Wooyoung, I had an interview appointment with her-"

"At the cafe but they were cancelled." San cut him off, leaning against the door as he tried to stare down the shorter man.

Wooyoung stared at the man in sleeveless sweatpants, who was he? Husband? Boyfriend? Some annoying friend? He could pick a fight with him, but then he needed this job, really did.

Clearing his throat, he nodded, before bowing, "I apologise for the intrusion but I thought my eagerness may have a positive impact."

San stared at him, the perfect 90°, he'd seen that before, many times, he'd been there before too. He knew the feeling, the anxiety and dread that accompanied it, the desperation to finally achieve something. Finally, put the years and money spent on education to use.

"It's...fine, come in."

That's how Wooyoung found himself sitting on a brightly coloured couch, looking around, though he saw no signs of masculinity anywhere, so her boyfriend didn't live with her. He knew his way around the place though. Who was going to interview him though?

San walked out of the kitchen with a tray of tea, placing it on the coffee table as Wooyoung thanked him, getting up to take his mug. No, everything was too feminine so does this mean- what if this dude was a serial killer? Oh my god!?! Did he KILL HER AND IS NOW GOING TO KILL HIM? IS THIS COFFEE POISONED?? Slowly bringing the mug to his nose, sniffing it.

San raised a brow at him, what on earth was this psycho doing? He was about to ask when they heard something crash, instantly getting up he turned to leave, pausing for a moment to loom at Wooyoung, "I'll be right back, please stay here."

Oh my gosh, he was a killer! Wait, she was still alive! He could help her? What should he do? Think Wooyoung, think! Standing up he walked down the same path he did, peaking through the door left ajar.

San frowned as he picked her up, ignoring her whines, "What exactly were you doing?" he asked walking over to the bed, holding her in his arms as she covered her flushed face with her hands mumbling "The clock stopped working."

"Seriously?" quirking a brow at her he stopped walking, looking at her then at the bed, stuff scattered across it, files, pens and her laptop, "Didn't I tell you to rest?"

"I was but then I heard Mr.Jung and I wanted to read his file," she explained, leaning against his chest, mentally noting how he was holding onto her like she weighed lighter than a feather.

He clicked his tongue in protest, about to talk about how he'd handle it but the door burst open, a Mr.Jung stomping in, holding an umbrella in hand, "UNHAND HER YOU PERVERT!"

She flinched when the door slammed open, squeaking as she hugged him close, burying her face in his shirt, arms wrapped around his neck, curling into him as if he'd protect her. On the other hand, San stood there rooted at the spot, at first he was confused as to what Wooyoung was even doing until he noticed the faux bravery morph into some form of fear, his panic setting in.

Wooyoung stood there, umbrella in the air, taking in the sight before him, a man carrying a woman bridal style...oh shit they were together. Please did he Wooyoung himself again?

"I am so sorry Miss-"

"It's alright." she cleared her throat, never in her life did she think she'd interview someone whilst being in her pyjamas, the little hearts printed on her shirt and pants. Next to her San sat at a good distance, his face as red as the pot of a plant near the window, intently staring at the coffee table, not even listening to the two converse- he wasn't carrying her around for fun! He was just helping her! She fell off the stool because of the stupid clock and- and her back hurt so his brain just...picking her up was easier and-

"Mr.Choi?"

"Hmm?" instantly turning to her, he regretted it as quick, taking in her soft gaze, almost wanting to crumble at the feet, shit, this wasn't good.

"I said I should hire Mr.Jung, right?"

"Uh...I guess?" he mumbled, discreetly glaring at Wooyoung when she began reading his credentials too, they were good, but managing to be a distinguished student in the country's best culinary school wasn't easy.

"I- I'm sorry for intruding Sir." he cleared his throat, if he had to kiss this man's pointy polished shoes to get this job he would, "I should've known you're her boyfriend, it was a lack of better judgement on my part." He paused to look up at him, only to find the man before him malfunctioning, then glancing at the woman who looked like she was swooning, almost awake inside a dream.

"We're just neighbours!" he blurted out, not liking how Wooyoung's neutral expressions morphed into the sassiest, most judgemental look of 'Nah, I don't think so', as he hunched over the table to take a better look at the two.

"I live next doo-"

"You're hired Mr.Jung, I'll see you tomorrow at work!"

"Wow, that's...kinda regret not being there to see it." Jongho hummed, taking out an apron and tossing it to Wooyoung who cleared his throat, "I mean, I didn't intend to make things awkward."

"Sure man." was all Jongho said before patting him on the back, "But until she comes back to work, you're on counter duty, kitchen is off limits." with that he walked away, leaving the new employee to sigh in defeat, looking around at the empty cafe. Considering she was 'still sick' she'd left Jongho in charge but that man was too busy not interacting with customers and staying hidden in the kitchen, occasionally singing out loud- at least he could sing.

He stared through the glass doors, looking at the people passing by, everyone with a purpose, yet, here he was still trying to find his purpose.

The doors opened and someone walked in, phone pressed onto his ear, his coat neatly folded in half, hanging off his other forearm, the buttons of his waistcoat fighting for their lives when the man heaved out a heavy sigh, "No Mingi, the report is supposed to be sent to Mr Park from the IT department, Park Seonghwa, send it to him and get back to me." A frown was permanently etched onto his face, brows knitted together as he pulled his phone off his ear and stuffed it in his pocket, only froze when he looked at Wooyoung.

The two just stood there staring at each other for a good ten seconds before Wooyoung cleared his throat and greeted him, "We can pretend nothing happened Mr.Choi."

Scratching his neck the businessman nodded, licking his lips out of embarrassment, "Yeah...sure"

"So, what can I get you, unfortunately, the menu still comprises of the usual since I'm not allowed in the kitchen till the boss lady comes." His professionalism impressed San, honestly, he did think the guy couldn't pull it off but he was glad he wasn't mentioning yesterday at all.

"Oh umm... Jongho knows I called him-"

"Yes, yes, no need to wet your expensive pants Mr.Choi." the kitchen door opened as Jongho walked out with two giant paper bags, San's eyes scanning the change of printing, somewhat proud she took his suggestion on investing in merchandise printing.

"Here's your usual, one for Princess Mingi and the other princess who lives next door." Placing the bags on the counter he smirked at the man, who cleared his throat, trying not to look at Wooyoung whose resting b*tchface was back, comprised of the look which San easily read, 'Nice to see a clown clowning himself.'

"So, aren't corporate breaks supposed to be like...40 minutes long?" Jongho asked, leaning against the counter as he sighed, "You gonna hurry there and back or you gonna eat with her-"

"I- she has to give paperwork for you that's why she called me, I had a half day anyway." He mumbled, quickly taking out his card that Wooyoung slowly took from him, side-eying the man, who was still mumbling excuses, though all Wooyoung could hear was "We're just neighbours".

Of course, they were just neighbours.

Shit. Of all the times his car decided to throw a tantrum, it was now. Not only did he leave work late but it was raining, so now, Choi San sat in his car staring at the empty highway, the streetlights his only companion. Clicking his tongue, he tried to switch on the engine again, trying to press on the gas, only for the vehicle to whine in refusal. Sighing he gripped the wheel, resting his forehead against it, sighing at the coolness of the leather. What could he do? Get a cab? No, no cabs would be around right now. Call Yeosang? No, he lived in the opposite direction, he would come to help him, but he knew the man had a presentation due tomorrow. He could…call her. He didn’t want to though; things had become a bit…awkward.

Truth be told he didn’t really want to admit it, but after the Wooyoung incident, he tried to pretend nothing happened and to his amazement, she did too, their routine was as normal as ever, conversations would flow easily, though she’d still do most of the talking. Until one particular Friday night when they were having dinner at her place, she told him she wouldn’t be carpooling anymore because she had finally gotten used to driving and needed to go to other places. Although he was proud, his smile indicating his happiness and joy to see her bloom into a beautiful flower, a nostalgic and heavy blue began to spread in his chest, weighing down on his appetite, as he slowly put down the fork, pushing the plate ever so gently and discreetly, looking at her intently when she began to show him the route she’d take to the market, asking him if it was good or if there was another route. Unfortunately, was too busy looking at her to even care, to even give an honest opinion, she was glowing that night, and he could bask in her warmth forever, but there was no such thing as forever, he knew that happy endings were nonsense, especially when it came down to him. So, after that night, he had slowly begun to distance himself, making sure to leave before she’d wake up and come back later than usual, texting would just comprise of him sending one-liner responses, and he’d even cancelled some of their dinners together saying he had to stay in the office late. Yeosang had asked him a few times about her, but all he’d say was that she was busy and he didn’t want to interfere- that was true though, it was he who helped her out with all the planning and the financial agenda, it was him who supported her endlessly, who pulled her back up to her feet when she’d be close to giving up- but that didn’t mean he wanted to watch her fly away from the front row seats, no, he’d rather see his swan take flight with grace and elegance from the sidelines, he’d be there, he’d always be there, but like her shadow, after all, he too was afraid of being hurt, he couldn’t handle it, not again, after all, they were just neighbours.

A tap on the window had him jerking back into sitting properly, blinking away the blurriness he turned to the window, eyes widening at the figure outside before lowering the window, “What are you-

“Need a ride?” she smiled, trying to conceal any other emotion bubbling within her, her grip on the umbrella tightening when she noticed his frown, not responding to her question, though she could see the questions swirling in his eyes, possibly at the tip of his tongue, but she knew he’d never ask, just keep them in, let them simmer into something else, probably guilt…or anger.

“I had to do a complete inventory check today so I closed up late. Was driving by and I saw your car…” gesturing towards her own car that was parked in front of his, the hazards blinking in the rain.

“My car…broke down.” He mumbled, before reaching for his bag and nodding at her, letting her move back before coming out of the car, waiting for the rain to pour down on his already defeated parade, but that didn’t happen, for she had extended her arm to full height, tilting forward so he was covered by it, letting the water splash onto her head instead. There she went again, worrying about him, trying to rip open the bag he was gripping onto tight, not wanting anything to spill out.

Patting the droplets off her she pulled out a few tissues and dried her hands. He sat next to her, buckled up, laptop bag on his lap, even though she had told him to put it on the backseat but he refused, holding onto it like a child throwing a tantrum. They’d been driving silently for a while, the only sound between them was of the rain slapping against her little red card.

“Thanks.”

“For what?” she asked, trying not to speed on the slippery highway, the rain had worsened, who knew a light shower was going to turn into a full-blown storm? The problem wasn’t the rain in general but visibility was becoming an issue, well, there was this third party between them, a form of invisible wall that was keeping the two apart, or rather he was being pulled away, while she just held onto him, trying to pull him back to her, though ever so slowly she could sense that he was letting go of her hand.

He never responded to her question, just continuing with the silent treatment. Sighing out of frustration she flicked the left blinker before slowly parking across the yellow line at the side of the road, before them the road was barely visible, she thought he’d question but he didn’t he wasn’t stupid, even though he didn’t want to be here, stuck in the same space as her, too afraid he’d blurt out all he had hidden, he knew even if he took the wheel instead of her, he couldn’t see through the rain. So, the two sat in silence, as if the other wasn’t there, one of the most awkward the two had been with each other like they were strangers all over again. That is until she finally decided to take matters into her own hands,

“Are you…upset with me?”

He looked up from his lap to her, a small pout present on his lips before shaking his head and turning back to stare at his lap.

“Do you…not want to be friends with me anymore?” she knew these questions were somewhat pointless, in the time they had spent together she had learned one thing, that he was rarely bothered by her, in fact sometimes he’d go out of his way to make her feel better, make her feel safer, so what bothered her was not knowing what had he pulling away like this. She thought as she’d grown more independent, he’d be happy, proud of her progress, not this.

“No.”

Was all he said, not even bothering to look at her, instead choosing to take out his phone, maybe he could just check on work or- he couldn’t though, because she snatched it out of his hand. His head whipped in her direction, and a glare followed, “Give it back.” He spat only for her to shake her head and shove it in the pocket of her, shaking her head.

“I said give it back. I’m not joking. I’m not in the mood.” Groaning he leaned closer to her, trying to reach for her pocket but she slapped his hand off his pocket, only for him to grip her wrist, trying to hold his anger at bay.

“Not until you tell me why you hate me!” she yelled tugging her wrist out of his grasp.

“I DON’T HATE YOU!” he yelled back, turning to her completely, his laptop bag falling off his lap, God this car for so small, he barely had leg room!

“THEN WHY ARE YOU PULLING AWAY!”

“BECAUSE I CAN’T STAND AND WATCH WHILE YOU LEAVE ME BEHIND!”

“I- she froze at his words, the weight of the statement settling in around them. Letting out a sigh he turned around, rubbing his face with his hands, trying to control his breathing, trying to stop his thoughts from running around, pushing and shoving every emotion he had buried in below. For a moment he even thought of stepping out in the rain to cool down, but the gentle grip of his shoulder stopped him.

“Mr.Choi please I would never leave you behind, I-

“Oh, stop it, would you.” He scoffed, brushing her hand off his shoulder, “I’ve known you for what? Six, seven months now and you still don’t call me by my first name, I- I literally use your name and you’re so impersonal that –

“I don’t know your first name.”

Once again, they were greeted with silence, at this point the sound of the rain was the only thing keeping the two from exploding at one another, a series of bottled-up feelings, emotions that were untouched for so long, that the layer of dust on them had turned into a sheet of sand, one that had obscured rationality and logic.

“What” Taking in a deep breath he began, “What do you mean?”

Rolling her eyes at him she huffed, “Because you never told me, not once, since the day I met you the only way I found out your last name too was because the security guard greets you as Mr.Choi, and he did that the first next you dropped me home.” Taking the phone out of her pocket she placed it on the dashboard in front of him, “I don’t know why you think I’d leave you; I now own the apartment next to you thanks to you, I have dinner with you almost every other day, I let you carry me around when I’m tired, I cook meals for you not because I am obligated but because I want to, I- I ask you for help all the time with the full confidence that you’ll never say no”, pausing she looked at the road, the rain had slowed, much like the whirlpool of unkempt emotions that were stirring between them, “ and if you haven’t realised by now, I’m not very big on change. So, no, Mr.Choi, I’m not going anywhere, anytime soon.”

“San” he whispered, staring at the road ahead, much like her, too afraid to even look at her, who knew all it would take was a confession like that to calm him down, put his worries to rest, untying the bag he had knotted up so well after he had his broken heart handed back to him.

“Nice to meet you San.” Was all she said before starting the car, now driving home, after the much fearsome, prolonged storm. No other words were exchanged, but unlike before, the silence was no longer awkward or heavy, it was pleasant, a new kind of pleasant, one that oddly enough he was welcoming.

The ride up the elevator was no different, the two were walking casually like nothing had happened, though San knew something had happened, and for some reason, the bitter-sweet reality of it made him want something more to happen, he was only looking for the right moment for it to happen.

She was about to enter her apartment when he called her out, causing her to turn around and almost bump into him, when had he come so close?

“I don’t want to be just neighbours anymore.”

Facing him properly she nodded looking up at him, “I see, then what do you want?”

“I…” averting his gaze he thought for a moment, wondering if he could jump into it, or take caution and slowly see where it goes, though the little critter in his chest was begging him to let loose, his rationality projected by his fears had him second-guessing almost every micro decision he had come up with in these seconds, “I…want…more?”

“Then,” pursing her lips together she narrowed her eyes at him, moving closer to see if he’d move back, but he didn’t, he stood there, staring at her intently, shy yet so curious, she’d barely ever seen him like this before, her lips curving into a smile, “Let’s take it slow?”

He nodded a bit too eagerly at her question, earning a chuckle from her, as she turned around and pointed inside, “Dinner? Though it’s late, I can make us something light?” He had followed her inside that night, somewhat nervous about starting a new chapter in his life, yet, excited like a little boy about to win a race.

“Mr.Choi, there’s uhh…there’s someone here to meet you?” Mingi’s voice blared out of the speaker causing San to stop typing, frowning at the time, it was 11 am he had no meetings for the day, so why would someone just pop up, Yeosang was on leave today as well so- the door opened and he could hear Mingi calling someone out, “Miss! Wait Mr.Choi hasn’t allowed you to-

“It's…fine Mingi.” He nodded at his assistant, before his eyes locked with her, her smile radiant as ever, as she coly made her way to his desk, “Hi San.” ‘San’, she’d been using his name more often now, all night even at dinner, she’d somehow slip it in every sentence and he’d somehow slip into that gooey pool of mush every time his name would roll off her tongue.

“You- you had a day off today, right? Do you want to spend time together, I-“ he stood up, quickly trying to clean his desk though she placed something on the empty corner of the glass table, “I just came to drop off your lunch San, I made special cookies today, and if you like them, we’ll introduce them, Wooyoung even decided a name for them.”

“Oh?” he asked, his eyes sparkling at the sight of the lunch boxes, a well-fed boy was a happy boy and he was so glad she’d feed him well, even when they were ‘just neighbours’. So, knowing she was still doing that, only adding onto the perk by coming to him and surprising him at work had something within him strangling his heart in joy, “What’s the name?”

“Well…initially it was something I wanted to talk to you about if you’d be okay if I call you that, but then he said we could name them after that, but I feel like only I should be allowed to call you that.” She cleared her throat looking around his spacious office, she never thought his office would be this big or high up for the matter, not a day went by where this man didn’t amaze him.

He stopped opening the boxes to look up at her, “What do you want to call me?”

“Sannie.”

Things had been great, well, somewhat, although they were ‘no longer neighbours’, there was still no official label and it confused San how she was alright with that. Sure, they’d spend more time together now, she’d drop by sometimes before lunch just to drop off his lunch, but he was still San at work, and only Sannie when the two were alone. Moreover, they’d never really been…physical. Not that he didn’t want to ‘do the deed’ or something- well, technically- no he did but, this isn’t what he meant, he knew they were taking it slow, but sometimes, he’d feel the affectionate Sannie resurface and it would take everything in his power to hold him back. What if she wasn’t into that? What if she thought he was clingy overbearing or too sensitive? Would she think he’s coming on too strong if he asked ‘what they were’?

“Sannie?” she asked, poking his shoulder, “You aren’t eating, don’t like the food or the movie?” Placing her plate on the coffee table she paused the film when he didn’t look at her, “Sannie…you gotta talk to me about these things, I can’t read your mind-

“Would you like to start a business venture with me?” In front of him was not her Sannie or San, no, turning to face her with a hard face and honest eyes was a man sitting up straight, hands pressed against his knees, it was Mr.Choi.

“Umm…I…like a collaboration?”

“Yes, of sorts.”

“I…I mean I don’t really need Jongho’s permission it is just my business.”

“It is.”

“I guess…but don’t you already have a job, San?” was he planning on quitting?

“I do, but this venture is more important, I prefer it over my job.”

“Sannie, my café is doing good, but quitting your job for it, especially at the designation you’re at it’s not logical-

“Be my girlfriend”, he yelled in frustration, cutting her off before meekly averting his gaze, “Please…”

“I…” she took a minute to think before scooting closer to him, his fingers digging into the material of his pants, though when she placed her hands over his, he visibly relaxed, “I just love how you’re so uptight Mr.Choi.”

She smiled, but he only frowned at that, why would she call him by his last name? Did he do anything to upset her? Was he perhaps moving too quickly for her liking? Or should he have been more romantic- actually this wasn’t really romantic at all, he can’t believe he just did that, he should’ve thought this through, he should’ve planned properly, it had only been a month and –

His brain switched off because of the sudden pressure on his lips, hands automatically reaching to hold onto the source, she was…kissing him? His eyes closed when she slowly moved closer, helping her onto his lap as he tilted his head to deepen the kiss, taking charge, until she slowly pushed him back, his back pressing against the sofa, eyes flickering open to meet her flushed face, a small smile gracing her lips, he had smudged her lipstick- nice.

“Do I…take that as a yes?” he sighed, body completely relaxed, his hands giving her waist a gentle squeeze.

“I don’t know, maybe we should seal the deal again?”

His chuckle echoed across the room, film and food long forgotten, the only thing he could focus on was her, and slowly, he began to feel as if the gates he was trying to keep closed were merely inches away from bursting open.

“We need to talk.”

“Um…okay, why are you slowly letting go of the weights- Jongho, Jongho, buddy, stop.” He wheezed, looking up at his spotter who was glaring down at him, “How serious are you?” he asked lifting the weights ever so slightly.

“FOR STAYING ALIVE, PRETTY SERIOUS- JONGHO!” he gasped when the man almost let go of the weight.

“Should we…stop them?” Wooyoung asked, yes, he too had become their newest addition to their gym buddies’ group, Yeosang who was walking on the treadmill beside him shrugged, “I don’t think so, this is between them, plus knowing San took a year just to confess to her, even though he was treating her like he was her boyfriend, I believe Jongho has every right to harass him.”

“I’m serious.” Jongho warned, glaring at the man who was not only turning blue but was now drenched in cold sweat, shaking his head and pleading out an ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

“I mean her, I’ve had to pick up the pieces once and I let it go because the guy wasn’t directly involved, but you- you son of a- you have her sitting at the café daydreaming about what you’d like to eat at night. You have her calling me at night asking me what shirt you’d think she looks best in? Would you prefer her in pants or a skirt- you have her working her ass off to make you proud and so help me God if you ever even think of hurting her-

Before he could finish his monologue San threw the weights off him, heaving as he stood up, wiping the drool off his mouth with the back of his hand as he stood up straight, his breathing heavy as he looked directly at Jongho, “Never. Do that. Again. And I may be a slow-witted loser but I am no abuser- and her” he turned to look at the hoodie on the opposite bench, a blue hoodie, there was nothing special about the hoodie, but the fact that it was the first ever gift she had given him, telling him she had a matching one, so they could wear it together at home, “I don’t even think I spend a single moment of my pathetic life where I can’t be thinking about her.”

By now Yeosang and Wooyoung had gotten off the treadmills and were standing on standby just in case things escalated, but San’s confession had them staring at him in awe. Well, Wooyoung was just glad that the clown had stopped clowning himself, but Yeosang, no, he was thrilled if not glad that San had finally accepted to let himself be happy once more, he had allowed himself to love once more- even if this was just the first stage, even if they were still going through their awkward relationship stages, he was just glad to know that things were getting better for San.

Jongho looked at him before nodding, then turning to point at the weights, “Throwing gym equipment is stupid, no wonder people like you who make so much money are careless.” Clicking his tongue at him he picked up his duffle bag, “Anyway, Shakespeare, Imma hit the showers, don’t forget she’s making you pasta tonight, so you better hurry up.” He left San standing there, letting his own speech process, slowly the seed had begun to germinate and deep down he knew, he was counting on it to turn into a field, one she could run around in, laughing with joy.

Sighing she slowly pulled away from him, being extremely careful of two things; firstly, to not wake him up and secondly to not cause any harm to his sheets. She didn’t want to stay at his place tonight, she even told him no because he had an early meeting tomorrow, and she was on her… period, so to sleep over with her new boyfriend and possibly leak on his pristine white sheets was not on the agenda, that and the fact that the cramps were hitting hard and her back was probably broken just made it more difficult for her to find the perfect position.

So, that’s how she found herself sitting on his couch, hoping to God that the pain medicine would start working soon, or maybe it could take a few hours and San could get a good night’s rest and by the time he’s about to wake up, she’d slip right back in and-

“Are you okay?”

“SHIT” throwing a cushion at him she whined, especially when it hit him square in the face, causing him to stumble back, pouting at her, “What did I do?”

“I’m sorry, Sannie, I- I’m fine I promise, I just couldn’t sleep and your sheets are clean and-

“Yes, I am aware my sheets are clean, so you don’t have to worry-

“That’s why I am worried,” she sighed only for it to turn into a groan as she hugged herself, trying to ease the pain. Oh, he looked at her, he’d seen this before, he knew what had happened, “Do you think I’ll find it weird if you…I mean…It's normal if it happens right?”

“It's gross.” She mumbled only for him to sigh and slowly reach for her arm, “Do you want me to carry you?” he asked as if it was completely normal, umm…it wasn’t technically? He’d just carry her around when she’d refuse to do something or when he was in his playful Sannie mood- which was often only behind closed doors when the suit didn’t define him.

“nO” Quickly getting up she motioned for him to walk first, “Why-“

“JUST DO IT” she yelled only for him to quickly turn around and head towards his bedroom, no need to piss off his girlfriend during that time of the month. Huffing out in frustration she ‘readjusted’ her pants, trying to reposition the horrid excuse of a lady diaper, no, she did not want him to see this scene, it was not even remotely attractive.

Sighing she laid down next to him, what she had forgotten was how much this man loved physical affection because as soon as she turned to face him, he pulled her closer, her face pressing into his neck as he rested his chin on top of her head, an arm under her head acting as his pillow and the other one securely wrapped around her waist. Now she needed to stay still, especially when she heard him snore, he had fallen asleep so quickly, of course, he was tired, the guilt slowly settling in. She really should have gone home tonight.

Her body jerked when a sharp pain shot across her lower half, her fingers gripping his shirt as she held her breath, trying to restrict extra movements. At this point she could just wither away in pain, waiting for the meds to work before she wakes him up and he throws her out for not letting him get a decent night’s sleep.

For a few moments, her little movements continued until he abruptly pulled away and wordlessly sat up, to reach for something on his nightstand, probably his phone- man, she should really apologise and leave now, but before she could make her way off the bed he turned around and stood on his knees, slowly pushing her to lay on her front, “Umm…San?”

“Your back hurts, right?” he mumbled, gently lifting her shirt to reveal some of the skin, “I hope this helps, my sister recommended it.” With that he began to rub the ointment on her lower back, trying to mimic the similar motions she’d use while working on his neck or shoulders from time to time- yes, he had finally obtained that perk. He only stopped when she completely relaxed under his touch, smiling when he realised, she was asleep, gently pulling her shirt back down he got off the bed, tucking her in, making sure to place a glass of water and a bottle of painkillers on the bedside. Little did she know that she had been in pain all night and not just a few minutes, she dozed off sometime in between only to wake up in pain again, though he had slept through most of it peacefully, which is why when he woke up, feeling her shiver in pain, he realised getting up a few minutes before his alarm rang wouldn’t be so bad, he could use the time to help her out, so while reaching for the ointment he had also shut off his alarm, knowing he wouldn’t be going to sleep once he helped her out.

“Ignoring you?” he asked, wiping another cup and handing it to her as she stacked it on the rack with a pout, “Well, not ignoring, he’s just…gone quiet like he’s giving me the silent treatment.” She explained, looking to see if Jongho, who was brooming was listening to them, only to find him staring at her, “Oh I don’t know maybe he’s upset about the fact that your ex-fiancé came here since you invited him?”

“Wait- WAIT WHAT?” Wooyoung gasped, turning to Jongho who nodded, “Soohyuk wanted to see her, and she won’t tell me why, she called him here and ironically he and San had entered at the same time, and instead of introducing him to Soohyuk she just talked to him and ignored San.”

“Man, I’m never gonna take an off again, so much drama in one day.” Was all Wooyoung had said, yet the poor boy got smacked with a tissue, before watching her stomp out of the café, leaving the two men staring at her confused.

“Umm…do we stop her?”

“Nah…” was all Jongho said, the only reason he even knew about this issue was because the moment he had seen Soohyuk enter he knew something was up, what he didn’t expect was for her to go to him instead of San, and ironically, she didn’t even introduce San, which confused him even more. The moment he had looked at the other man, he noticed the way his eyes had gone blank, void of any emotion, yet he could see the one hiding behind his eyes, he knew what he was thinking, one of the many things San had confessed to him about- once the two had become official and Jongho would keep tabs on him- was his fear of being left behind, knowing that one day, eventually everyone would leave him, even her. So, yes, when she had walked past the finance director like he was a mere stranger, he knew this would trigger San, he just didn’t know in which direction the river would flow.

A knock on the door caused the two to look up, Yeosang just sighed, “At this point, you should just fire Mingi.” Shaking his head at his friend San called out to the person, permitting them to enter, usually with the glass walls and door he could see who was on the other side, but for the past two days the blinds were lowered, concealing whatever was happening inside his office, much like whatever was happening inside his heart. The door opened to reveal someone he had been avoiding for the past few days, though he never said anything to make her leave.

Yeosang looked at San’s expression morph into displeasure, turning in his seat to find the man’s significant other standing there, quickly standing up he smiled at her, greeting her before excusing himself.

Honestly, she was surprised by Yeosang’s reaction, she thought he’d be upset with her, Jongho was upset with her and considering Yeosang and San were good friends, she presumed that San might’ve just told him about the issue, though maybe he didn’t or maybe he did and Yeosang is just very good at pretending.

“You could’ve called.” Was all he had said until he found her standing right next to him, her hands gripping onto the armrests of his chair, turning his swivel chair to face her, his eyes widening at the proximity, they were still at his workplace, what if someone barged in? What if Mingi came in?

“I can’t fall behind, I’m tired of falling behind.” She said leaning closer, not to kiss him, but to make sure he was still looking at her, she needed him to understand her perspective, needed him to understand her insecurities, “He knows about you.”

Scoffing in retaliation he leaned closer and hissed, “I don’t care if he does,” eyes scanning her face for any hint or gesture of insincerity, but he couldn’t see it, or perhaps his foolish heart had convinced him once more, deceiving him into making him believe she was his.

“Then why are you upset?” her hands let go of the chair, reaching for his, but he pulled back, crossing his arms over his chest, leaning back against the chair as he stared up at her, “Falling behind? What do you mean by that, was this all a race or competition where you were trying to win him ba-

“Choose your words carefully Mr.Choi.” she cut him off, words seething with anger.

“Because they’re true?” coking his head to the side he noticed the way her hands were fisted at her sides, nails digging into her palms, “Tell me.”

“I…” letting out a shaky breath she looked at her shoes, no longer having the confidence to look at his face, “I couldn’t let him…I didn’t know what he was…going to say…I can’t lose you; I didn’t want to…he came to apologise…nothing more, nothing less. I didn’t want you to meet someone who never saw me the way you see me, what if you realised…that it wasn’t worth it anymore more…that it was a waste of time.” Walking over to the chair at the other end of the table she sat down, eyeing all his paperwork, “I…I’m sorry, I should’ve told you, I can’t hold you back just because I’m left behind all the time.”

He watched her intently, listening to each word, slowly realising what she meant, but he also came to another realisation, they were still walking on eggshells, especially around each other, choosing not to show their greys to each other, choosing to leave out the bad parts of the story, the poorly written scenes and the abrupt jump cuts, yet, this form of false perfection was what was making it worse for them, worse for him, especially when he knew that he no longer liked her. He no longer felt the same attraction- he felt more.

He was in love with her.

Turning to face her, he took a deep breath, his hands on the table, slowly reaching over to hold hers, his thumbs running soothing circles over her hands, “I…I was…I…I don’t want you to leave me too. Before you, there was someone else.” He felt her go tense under his words, his eyes flickered to hers, noticing the settling anxiety, before he gave her a gentle smile, “Was…don’t worry, she didn’t want my heart anymore and I…I guess I didn’t want to give it to anyone anymore either. Until you came along, crying outside because you lost the key to your own apartment…I swear I was going to ignore you and leave, but…” Letting out a dry chuckle he glanced at the clock, she often did come by when it was lunch, maybe he’d take her somewhere special today, far from the office and the café, “I couldn’t, and I don’t know how…maybe because you were so patient with me, maybe I saw myself in you, I wanted to make sure you had someone to help you whenever you’d fall…but I was also scared that if I gave you my heart, you’d give it back and…f*ck Yeosang was right.” He sighed, giving up on where this was going, trying to pull his hands back but her grip tightened, causing him to look at her in surprise.

“He was…but I like it…I like that you’re a romantic, Sannie.” She smiled lacing their fingers together, “I won’t force you…but I need you to understand that I…I fell in love with you the day you unlocked my door for me… I just waited for the day you’d return the feelings…so yeah, I’ll confess, that I’ve loved you from the start.”

His eyes widened at the confession, face turning pink at the realisation, this must be love. The feeling that was brewing inside of him, ready to burst, this must be love. His whole body felt warm and fuzzy, he wanted to run to her and pull her close, almost engulfing her whole being, but his legs felt like jelly, this must be love. Though he didn’t need to get up, because she had come to him, smiling down at him as she cupped his face, her thumb stroking his cheek, he looked up at her through hooded eyes, enjoying the warmth, welcoming this nostalgic sensation, this must be love.

“I love you.” He whispered, hands gripping her waist, fingers digging into her, holding onto her as if he were afraid, she’d disappear.

“It’s about time you realise.” Letting out a chuckle she leaned closer, brushing her lips over hers, about to say something when they heard a static sniff followed by a sob, both of them freezing in act.

“Mingi…how long have you been there for?”

“I forgot to tell you your mic was on…sir.”

“Couple’s activities?” he mumbled, staring up from his book, his reading glasses at the tip of his nose as his girlfriend at the edge of the bed, legs crossed with a magazine in her lap, successfully stealing yet another one of his hoodies. The glow of the lamp illuminated her innocent features, though he knew behind those sparkly eyes hid some agenda that he would soon regret, even though he loved her with all his heart, he had realised long before that being an only child meant that her parents had always kept her busy, books, movies, school, other activities, even got her a Jongho- now that Jongho had completely passed her onto him, it was his job to entertain his princess in the late hours of the night.

“So…like se-

“No, you pervert- my God, all men are the same.” She huffed picking up the magazine to show him the list on the glossy, extremely bright coloured paper, the glare of the lamp just making it more difficult for him to read, “That’s a long list- I’m not going skydiving- YOU AREN’T either.”

“Sheesh, fine, but we can try cutting your hair.”

His hand instinctively went to his luxurious onyx locks, he liked his hair the way it was, and he knew she did too, from how she’d run her fingers through it when they’d be lazing around, from how she’d play with his hair when he’d lay on her lap for a little nap, from how she’d tug and pull on it when they’d be…

“Just a trim!” she broke his chain of thoughts, crawling to him and slapping the magazine on his lap, “You said you needed a trim! And- and it’ll be free!” she smiled, giving him the cutest face she could muster, though he stared back at unamused.

“No.”

“I- but- Sannie,” whining she pointed at the small text, “It’s so intimate and it’s- it’s all about trust.” Grabbing his arm she shook him violently, he almost missed the early stages of their relationship, where she was still shy and nervous around him, now she’d gained the confidence to be bratty around him, even demanding they sleep at his place because ‘You have a bigger bathtub’, incorrect, he didn’t but maybe she just liked using his shampoo- not that he’d mind, he preferred her smelling like she belonged to him, his scent carrying around her.

“How about a free massage as well?”

"There. All done." He finally opened his eyes to stare at his reflection in the mirror, confused at first, then angered, then even a bit humoured, "Um...what do u think is different with this and my usual haircut?" It was his fault, it really was, he agreed to this nonsense and now…he even fell asleep when she was working on his shoulders, but that was before she cut- no chopped off his beautiful locks.

"I... I mean it's a bit different Sannie but I-" she tried to clarify, smoothening it down, only to flatten it and…perhaps make it a bit worse, see, the thing was, during her little barber role-play, she had realised she’d trimmed a bit too much on one side, so she had to even it out and that led to umm…well

'I look like a POTATO!" her glared at her through the mirror, face red with embarrassment.

"NOOO! U don’t" whining she leaned closer to peck his cheek but he pulled away, whipping his head in her direction to glare at her, then looked at his hair through the mirror again, hands going to pull on the short hair, it was so…short, "Please, I love you, I know you said haircutting is a couple's activity but- babe I"

Hearing a sniff, he stopped staring up at her reflection, he didn't mean for her to cry, but the way she was biting her lower lip tugged at his heart. "I-"

Before he could start a giggle escaped her and he stopped, glaring at her, his face blank like the first time they met, "Ma’am, is something funny?"

"No....Mr.Potato head"

“Good morning Mr.Choi - what's up with this cap" Mingi looked at his boss who zoomed past him into the office, tugging on his baseball cap, slamming the door behind him as he yelled.

"Nothing Mingi, whatever happens, DO NOT let Yeosang in my office today"

"He's already there, sir."

Frowning San turned to meet eyes with a familiar brunette, his chin in his palm as he sat on San’s seat, a little smirk ever so present as he eyed the taller man, all dressed up in a nice suit, the only thing odd about him was the smudged lipstick on his jaw, which he probably didn’t even know was there and the baseball cap.

"Your girlfriend dropped you off huh? Car trouble again?'" Yeosang asked, before pointing at his jaw, “You also got a little something there Mr.Choi, guess the black waistcoat is a fan favourite, huh?”

San quickly made his way to his desk, grabbing the chair the other man was on and rolling it away from his monitor, mumbling as he grabbed a few tissues to wipe off the lipstick, he couldn’t even be mad at her because it was his idea to follow couple’s activity #43 ‘Wear a lipstick shade your partner likes’, apparently, he liked it a bit too much.

After that little entrance, they’d been sitting peacefully, with San working away and Yeosang…well he was just wasting time as usual, though at least he had yet to ask the question.

“So, what’s with the cap”, Yeosang asked as he made an intricate paper plane with another one of San's documents, they were going in the shredder anyway.

The other man, pouted for a split second before clearing his throat, "My head feels cold." continuing typing like he didn't care.

"I see." Yeosang eyed him before throwing the plane at him, watching the pointy nib smack against the man's cap, earning a glare, "So, will you bring her as your plus one to this annual fundraiser? Has she cleared all your tests? Check marks all your boxes of requirements of a partner?"

Sighing he leaned back at the thought, did she? Was she the ideal partner he asked for? Sure, she was somewhat clumsy and bratty, but then again, he wasn't the best either, he was whiney and slow-witted at times but with what they two had been through, how much they had grown, how much she had grown, of course she'd been the one, he had come to this realization when he saw her waiting outside for him in the rain, 'worried about him'.

"I'll take that as a yes," he said eying the man who was too lost in thought as he got up to leave, "By the way she was wrong."

"Hmm?" he frowned at his friend who was dusting off his clothes, "You don't look cute, you do look like Mr Potato head".

“San, I swear upon your Benz, if you turn off the heater, I’ll key your car.” She shivered, pulling another blanket over them as he pushed it off, trying to reach over her for the remote of the heater only to slap his hand away, “YAH CHOI SAN”

“ITS HOT! AND STUFFY! I’M SWEATING LOOK!” he lifted his sweatshirt for- honestly, she really forgot what his point was, a bit too distracted for her own good before he huffed and took it off completely, flinging it across the room, giving her all the blankets and laying on his back, “It’s barely even winter, and look at you. I said don’t go playing in the snow, you can barely withstand a cool breeze, you thought the snow was gonna go easy on you? You’re just like Wooyoung, both of you are the same with the snow and winter.”

“Well, not everyone has the body temperature of an old, grumpy cat, Sannie.” She huffed, scooting closer to him, trying to steal his body heat, the fabric of the quilt making his skin burn.

“OLD?”

“Well, I did call you Mr.Choi out of respect too, I thought you were wayyyyyyyyyyy older than me.” Turning his head on the pillow to look at her, he made a face, rolling his eyes at the innocent smile she gave him, the tip of her nose still pink, shrugging at him. Sighing he moved closer to her, much to her pleasure.

“Take off your pants.”

“You really are an old pervert-

“Couple’s activity #136, you genius.” He huffed manoeuvring so he was under the blankets with her.

“I refuse to accept we’ve done so many.”

“We haven’t, I tore out some pages because I was not going to do couple’s yoga on the balcony.”

“Ah…I see. Anyway, still not going to take off my pants because you’re a bit needy.” She sighed, when he pulled her closer, his body heat helping her shivering body calm down.

“Well, aren’t you just an innocent peach, activity 136 says sharing body warmth is important and intimate, you can use me as a human heater and I can use you like a cooling pack.” He said tugging at the band of her pants, helping her out of them, sighing when he felt her cold legs on his warm ones, making the blanket a bit more bearable.

“Who knew Sannie was so thoughtful.” She purred, nuzzling her face in his neck, earning a huff, his arms tightening around her, squeezing her until she let out an airy laugh in protest.

“I am very thoughtful.” He sighed, feeling her relax against him.

“That you are…Mr.Potato head.”

Huffing out in both frustration and bliss she stared up at the ceiling, the warm mood lights in her room, feeling him flopping down beside her, the bed trembling at the act.

“Tub’s filling up. You’re also out of bath bombs”

“Your tub is bigger- how many did you use this time?”

“No. It is not…. around four” He sighed laying on his back to stare up at the ceiling with her, his hands reaching for hers, knuckles brushing against hers before she slowly tangled their fingers together, “Thank you for taking me to your event tonight…I really liked it.”

“Thank you for being my plus one.” He smiled, thinking back to how when anyone and everyone there would ask him who she was he’d introduce her as his girlfriend, the love of his life, someone he potentially wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

“Though I believe making sure I can’t walk tomorrow is going to be a problem for me at work.”

“Couple’s activity #159.”

“Did it specify tearing my favourite dress?”

“No, but the San in the mirror who used to have nice hair told me to.”

Two years, she had been together with this man for two very happy years, yet he still could confuse her every time he asked her something very important, such as now, right in her café, well, technically she was in the storage closet, counting and restocking when he walked in unannounced.

“Umm…is there no one there to take your order, Sannie?” she asked, looking up at him, using a carton as a makeshift seat, clipboard in her lap, she didn’t even want to do it, but once again, she had lost an epic battle of rock paper scissors from not only Jongho, but Wooyoung as well. The man above her frowned before shaking his head, ever so quiet.

“Okay…was there no one to stop you from coming back here- in an employee-only area.” She asked as he shook his head again, before sitting down beside her on the floor legs crossed, now with the different of elevation, looking up at her with a frown.

“Okay…do you…want to say something?”

“What’s your five-year plan?” he asked, rolling up his sleeves before looking at her, his hands on his knees, rubbing his sweaty palms on his pants.

“Ummm…well…what does that mean?” she asked, finally giving up on inventory to get on the floor with him, facing him, sitting in a similar position as she looked at him, noticing how he had closed the storage room door after entering, he needed privacy, so this was an important question to him.

“Where do you see yourself in Five years?”

Oh.

Her eyes widened at the question, throat drying up as she looked at anything but his face, he looked so serious, so focused, like what he had asked her was just like a business deal, well, maybe it was- but that wasn’t all it was, she knew what he meant, she knew he’d have his moments of self-doubt, he’d have moments where the crippling anxiety of having his heart smashed into pieces once more had him awake at night, he’d have his moments where he’d begin to fall, having nothing to hold onto- only this time, he had her.

“I see myself as a Mrs.Choi.”

His ears picked up the all-too-familiar name, his lips quirking up at the mention of his name, blushing like a school girl he almost squealed, leaning over to grab her hands and pull her closer, only his lack of judgement of strength had him pulling her onto his lap- or maybe that is what he wanted to do all along. All she knew was that she was merely inches away from him, his small dimpled smile gracing her with all its glory, “I think I see that too.”

“Yeah?” she giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck as she straddled his lap properly, “You see me as a Mrs.Choi?”

“No.” he smiled, locking his arms behind her waist as he noticed her small pout in confusion, pulling her even closer, until the tips of their noses bumped at the sudden jerk, “I see myself as your Mr.Choi.” His dimples deepened when she gasped, before closing the gap between them, leaving small pecks all over his face, leaving him a flustered, blushing mess as she smothered him with all the love that he had closed himself off to, all the love that was taken from him when his heart was tossed back at him, all the love she had in her that was never meant for anyone else other than him, all the love the two planned to share, for as long as they could, hoping it could bloom into something more beautiful one day.

“And I think I see you two getting out of my storage closet before I call the cops.”

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