#9 hours home and get ANOTHER covid test and also there will be covid tests in New Hampshire too. so in conclusion my life is fucking awesome

[kaiannae]

Life update (in lack of Starling update)

So, I think I would like to avoid another "going dark" episode like the one from the last two-three months. That one was because of war, and war is still very much present, but at the moment, my lack of writing is mostly due to other matters. CW Cat Medical Stuff: I have a cat. My mother is his human, but I take care of him and I love him very much. Unfortunately, he started feeling unwell two weeks ago on monday morning. He hid all sunday night, he wouldn't eat all day, he was not moving from his hidey hole, I was worried. I called the vet monday evening after confirming he was feeling worse and worse, and was instructed to give first aid painkillers and bring him the next morning. Since then, its been an ordeal of unclear diagnosis. Obvious infection without a source. My vet is very professional, but even after hospitalizing him for close care, going through multiple in-depth tests and giving him broad antibiotics, he wouldn't eat, while the tests were showing nothing but a sourceeless infection. Eventually I was sent with him to a vet hospital to do a specialized ultrasound. That too showed inconclusive results but there were enough findings to make my vet press for an abdominal operation. Its very lucky that they did, and very lucky that they insisted on doing it that same eveing. Turns out the poor thing had a gall bladder infection, which did not show in blood tests or ultrasound, and somewhere in the few hours between the last ultrasound and the operation the gall ate a hole in his stomach and it was leaking into his abdoman. The operation saved him in the nick of time, though it was touch and go for a couple of days. It is now the third day of him being back at home, he has a feeding tube and has to be tube fed 6 times a day. He also gets 9 types of meds, some of which need to be taken with food, some away from food, so I am his home nurse for the next two weeks at least, that assuming he'll keep improving. END CW Cat Medical Stuff. And as if to add insult to injury, I've been feeling ill since the begining of this week, and after testing negative at first, I am now positive for COVID and feeling it heavily. In fact, my mother now has COVID too and she needs care as well. So to summarise, I hardly have time to sleep, so investing myself in the angsty Bren and Fairy PoV enough to write is not really working right now. I must focus on taking care of parent and cat, and though I don't know how much the vet bill is yet (still pending on that) I do know its going to be in the several thousands, so I must focus on that as well. (Sadly, if you don't have pet insurance, any intensive care or test costs a fortune here.) So, please stay tuned as I try to restore some order to my life and calm things down a bit. The wizards are still very much on my mind, in fact, they are one of the things keeping me sane at the moment. If you like my writing and would like to tip me on Ko-fi, there's a link in the header of my page, or you can just search Kaiannae. (sadly I hardly uderstand Kofi, but I know the page works. I intended to make an actual content page there but never got the time with everything that's happened in the last few months.) It would all go towards bills and would be very much appreciated. Also, if you'd like to see or have an idea for a short oneshot you always wanted to see with the wizards, Starling AU or just Shadowgast, feel free to toss them in my direction. I might not be able to invest myself in my main writing right now, but I might be able to do a short thing as I wait for feeding times to post seperately for ya'll, especially night feeding times... Again, I apologize for the wait. Please stay tuned.

#starling #fanfic #critical role #shadowgast #writing #status #life #real life

[purplesurveys]

1846

1 - What have you been up to so far today? Is that a typical thing for you to do on this particular day of the week?  It was definitely a busier Saturday than usual; I never spend the weekend squeezing in like 10 errands in a day unless I have a work event to begin with.

2 - Did you get a decent night’s sleep last night? How many hours sleep do you consider a decent amount?  It was okay! I fell asleep a little earlier than I thought I would, so it was nice to get a few extra hours in. The only thing I didn't like was that I woke up disoriented; I thought it was Monday and that I was running late for work, so I pretty much woke up with my heartbeat spiking.

3 - What is one silly thing that really gets on your nerves?  When people try to make small talk at the start of work calls. That was fine during the pandemic, but at this point, I swear I won't take it against you if you don't ask me how my weekend was or where I traleved during the Christmas break.

4 - Who was the last person you saw who wasn’t family? What did you guys end up doing together?  I saw my workmates and other agencies when we had to go to our client's office for a face-to-face meeting. We essentially went through like 70+ slides to brief the client on the final flow of our large-scale event this Sunday.

5 - Do you prefer hot or cold drinks overall?  Cold. I hate feeling like my tongue's getting burned.

6 - Do you own a decent set of waterproofs? If so, what do you use them for the most? If not, do you think that would be something you’d find useful?  Waterproof...what? Clothes? Phone case? Shoes? Hahaha. Anyway I don't think I own anything that's waterproof.

7 - Do you have any plans for the rest of the day?  I just need to finish this doughnut I'm eating lol, maybe take another survey after this...then I'll need to turn in early because I have an early start tomorrow.

8 - How often do you get your hair cut? When hairdressers were closed due to COVID, did you try cutting it yourself at home?  Probably like once a year. I never cut my hair during the Peak Pandemic Era – it helped that I had it trimmed literally a week before it all began, not knowing it was going to start.

9 - What did you wear the last time you left the house? Is that different to what you’re wearing at the moment? I went out today and haven't changed out of my outfit yet so I'll just enumerate what I have on – a purple cropped top + jeans.

10 - Would you rather have a relaxing beach holiday or a more active holiday in the mountains?  I'd love the beach as I can't remember the last time I had a beach trip + the mountains sound super isolating. It also reminds me of hiking, and there is no activity I hate more.

11 - Do you know how to tie a tie?  No. I kept the knot on my school necktie for like 14 years so that I could just always wear it like a necklace, lol.

12 - How old were you when you first had a sleepover at someone’s house? Did you miss home?  I think I was like 15 or 16 when I had my first sleepover. No, I was just mostly excited to finally be in a sleepover lol as I was never allowed prior. Woes of being a firstborn Asian daugher – you're 100% Test Subject A.

13 - How often do you spend time with your extended family? I would say once a month. We live very near each other.

14 - When you get up in the morning, do you have a set routine?  Yup. It's nothing special but it is my routine that I like to follow; any missing step and I'll get super bothered hahaha. Anyway, I'm an early waker, so I usually allot an hour to properly wake up and stay in bed catching up on social media/news.

Around 30 minutes before work, that's when I make my bed, take a quick shower and brush my teeth, fix myself a cup of iced coffee, then spend the remaining minutes clearing up emails that came the night before. They're simple things but it helps me SO MUCH to start work in a good/relaxed mood.

15 - Do you remember the last time you cried? Were they sad or happy tears?  Happy tears! I cried a little bit this afternoon watching a video of this kid reacting to Cody's win from last Sunday. I didn't cry watching him cry, but then he said "Everybody helped, everyone helped him" which was what broke me. That was such a wholesome thing to hear!

16 - What do you have planned once you finish this survey?  I really want to take one more of these but we'll see.

17 - What was the last thing you cooked? Did you cook from scratch or just heat something up? I don't cook. I buy most of my food.

18 - Are you a fan of hot chocolate? Do you like it plain or do you prefer to add things like whipped cream or marshmallows?  I'm picky. It needs to be like artisan hot chocolate and I'm usually willing to pay more for premium options as most hot chocolates here are really just Milo :(

19 - What caused your last injury?  Cooper nicked a bit of my fingernail when he got a little too excited play-wrestling with me for his toy.

20 - How many tattoos and piercings do you have? Do any of them have an interesting story behind them?  Zero tattoos. I got my earlobe piercings when I was a few months old so there isn't really a deeper story behind them haha.

21 - What kind of flowers do you like the best? When was the last time someone bought those for you?  I've always liked peonies. I can't remember the last time I got flowers.

22 - What’s the smallest thing you’ve ended a relationship over?  I've only experienced a failed relationship once.

23 - Would you rather order a starter (appetiser) or a dessert? Or would you be able to manage a full three courses? Appetizers. I don't like sweet things too much, so it's rare that I ask to stay long enough for dessert.

24 - How do you get most of your news, if you pay attention to it at all?  These days, Reddit.

25 - Have you or a member of your family been diagnosed with COVID yet?  My mom and sister had it simultaneously but fortunately they were asymptomatic as it could've possibly gotten. I got the worst experience of the bunch.

26 - Are you a vegetarian? If so, what persuaded you to stop eating meat? If not, is it something you’d ever consider?  No. I would consider it, yes, but I honestly don't have faith in myself to commit to it.

27 - Do you prefer rice or pasta? RICE. A day legitimately feels incomplete without rice...

28 - Is anything you’re wearing a gift? Who bought it for you?  Nah.

29 - What’s the dominant colour in the room you’re in at the moment?  White.

30 - Did you do laundry yet today? If not, do you need to do any before you go to bed?  Nope and nope.

[unbidden-yidden]

A rough accounting of what has happened since last weekend:

Had a slight sore throat but tested negative, so I still drove ~6 hours out of state to see family with Spouse

Did a couple things with Spouse's family while mostly masked/outside and then went back to the hotel

Woke up completely out of it and Bad on Sunday; I stayed in the hotel while Spouse spent time with family

Fire alarm goes off sometime in the late afternoon-ish. I ignore the first shorter run. Second time it goes off long enough that I realize that it's not a test and throw on my shoes and grab my bag and head out to the parking lot in my pajamas.

Turns out the hotel was on fire??

But like only a little bit

I couldn't see any smoke during my slow lap around the building, but that doesn't mean much

Basically every other person there is a 25 - 50 year old man, which makes the fact that I'm not wearing a bra more awkward than it strictly needed to be

Some guy runs up to another group of guys and asks "this motherfucker on fire?" This is greeted with laughter but no answers.

An hour and ten fire trucks/cop cars later, we're cleared to reenter the hotel

Smells kinda smoky but I really can't otherwise tell that there was a fire so that's good I guess

Also did I mention that this hotel doubled as a trucking school?

Seriously one of the most liminal places I've been in a hot minute, not helped by being deliriously sick and out of it

I go to lay back down and realize by now it's dinner time and I desperately need food

I order some soup and go on a delirious ten minute drive for this food

The food tastes weird, but it's hot so it's fine enough I guess

Spouse brings home Covid tests he's been randomly gifted by his family

The next morning I test myself since hey - we have tests and it never hurts to be safe than sorry even though it came up negative a day and a half ago

And

It

Comes

Up

Positive

So now, I'm in another state with a ~6 hour drive home, Major Work Things the scheduled the next two days, and now I'm tamei for Covid

(Spouse tests negative for Covid miraculously, and so far is asymptomatic)

(We skip out on the goodbyes with his family anyway though and hit the road)

It takes us 11 1/2 hours to make this normally 6 hour drive home, because I keep having to stop to set up work-related coverage

My driving is mostly okay but this is the loopiest I've been driving in a hot minute

(Spouse doesn't drive, so I am the only driver unfortunately)

We get home stupid late, and I collapse into bed only to get up very early the next day and proceed to work 6+ hours for coverage reasons.

I manage to work slightly less on Tuesday, which is good, because by that point I physically cannot stay awake for more than an few hours at a time and can barely talk.

Spouse is also now very obviously sick

Wednesday I sleep

Thursday I sleep

Friday daytime I sleep

I bring in Shabbat on time, and then proceed to fall asleep at 9:00 p.m. and sleep until 12:30 p.m. on Saturday

Sunday - well, after I got up on Saturday I managed to stay awake 14 whole hours! But I'm still sick as hell. Spouse is also still very sick, and both of us retested positive as of Friday afternoon. We'll see what the rest of Sunday holds I guess.

So anyway, time is fake, last weekend feels like a year ago, and some things are better not smelled or tasted whilst sick anyway.

[survey--s]

344.

What's the last sweet treat you've had? I had the most amazing brunch today - waffles with crispy bacon, caramelised bananas, mascarpone and maple syrup. It was GOOD. Would you ever or have you gone golfing? (mini golf counts) I’ve never played proper golf, but I’ve one crazy golf/mini golf a few times. It’s not really my idea of fun, to be honest. How about bowling? Sure, I used to go bowling a lot as a teenager.

What's something you've been wanting to try but don't have the nerve or time? Nothing in particular is coming to mind. Generally, I’d just like to do my current hobbies a lot more, but I can’t afford it. Are you able to walk or jog more than 1 mile without stopping?  I walk roughly 8-10 miles a day at work, lol. I can’t jog though - it’s too rough on my joints and aggravates my back too much.

Do you enjoy decorating your home for any occasion? No, but I always used to love re-arranging my room as a teenager, and during the first lockdown I quite enjoyed cleaning out and re-arranging the house as I had absolutely nothing better to do for weeks on end, lol.

What did you last have to drink? A glass of milk.

What's your favorite color in the rainbow? Violet.

Do you tend to stumble over your words when you're nervous? Sure.

Are you a fan of Ozzy Osborne? I don’t really have much of an opinion on him either way, tbh.

Have you ever caught Covid-19? or any of the variants? I’m sure I did, but I never tested for it. What color was the blanket that you last covered up with? The last blanket I used was burgundy red.

How long do you lay in bed until you get up if you can't sleep? At night, I’ll lay there for hours and just read my phone. If I can’t get back to sleep in the mornings, I’ll lay there for around an hour before getting up.

What's a dance move you can confidently do? I don’t dance, lol. Do you know a Lucy? My childhood best friend was called Lucy, but we haven’t spoken to each other in well over twenty years now lol. I also went to school with another two girls called Lucy.

Do you ever listen to any A.M. radio stations? Nope.

Do you stream most of your music? Yes, on Spotify.

What is something you dread? Uh, I don’t really actively dread anything in particular, but I suppose something happening to my animals before their “time”.

Would you say you're an overall nice person? Hmm, I suppose so.

What was the last argument you got into about? Who was going to walk the dog lol.

When did it last rain? It kind of drizzled for about 15 seconds this morning. Otherwise I think it rained overnight but I’m not 100% sure.

Do you use big words in your vocabulary? I suppose - when they’re necessary?

Do you keep Christmas bags and old wrapping paper to reuse? Yeah, of course - assuming they’re in good condition.

What's a charity you support strongly? Beagle Welfare.

What's the first flowers or trees you notice that bloom when it gets warmer? Cherry blossoms.

How about dropping your phone on your face? I mean, it’s happened a few times, I’m not gonna lie lol.

Have you ever been in a mosh pit? No, that sounds like a sensory nightmare to me LOL>

What's one of your favorite TV shows? That 70′s Show.

What are 3 words or phrases you use most often? I have no idea. When did you last trip or fall? I fell off Stanley when I was learning to canter about six weeks ago lol. I’m so glad my beach ride this weekend is on Joe, hahah.

What type of pain pills do you use for a headache or do you just tough it out? It take ibuprofen every time. No-one ever won any medals for suffering for no reason.

What did you last say out loud to a family member? "I can’t hear you”.

Can you remember the last time you dressed up nice for an event? Uhhh, no lol. Probably my wedding hahah.

What did you last thank somebody for? My mum. We went out today and she bought me my riding hat (only 9 months late, hahah), brunch and some new clothes :)

Do you see any stuffed animals from where you are? No, they’re all upstairs. Do you or anyone you know suffer from food allergies? Yeah, a few people - mostly minor but some are pretty bad.

Look up from your device. how much black do you see? Not too much, just the TV and the woodburner. Oh, and a cat lol.

What color do you dislike the most? Orange.

Can you whistle good enough to get through a whole song? No. My mouth dries up lol.

What did you last tie a knot for? Uh, shoelaces I guess?

How many surveys have you taken so far today? This is my first one.

#survey #surveys

[pepprs]

mutuals i am hanging by threads. THREADS

#let’s recap. covid test tomorrow 8am. then 2 hr meeting in which the facilitation guide for the scariest session i will ever facilitate will #be (deservingly) torn to shreds by the two people who intimidate me most on the entire planet. then one hour of self-inflicted torture as i #attend an extremely important life changing town hall virtually while literally everybody else goes in person because my life is hell. then #two hours of retreat coach training DURING WHICH I HAVE JUST REALIZED LIKE 16 HOURS BEFORE IT HAPPENS I WILL BE GOING FIRST TO SHARE A #FORMATIVE AND IDEALLY TRAUMATIC MOMENT FROM MY LIFE AND I HAVENT EVEN PICKWD WHICH ONE OR PREPPED MYSELF FOR IT AND ITS 16 HOURS AWAY. and #also im like describing what all of the sessions are gonna bw and i have to study that and get it right bc i messed up so bad last week. the #then i go home suffer all weekend except for some brief multi-hour stretches of respite including hopefully the bonfire except i will be #constrained bc i won’t be allowed to go onto the field bc my parents will be there. then on Monday i have a root canal at 7 and then will ha #have to be late to work by an hour so i can go back to campus when my brother needs to be there bc my own responsibilities don’t matter #apparently. then i go to work class advising then go home again to celebrate my brothers bday then come BACK and go to work class meetings #etc normally Tuesday and Wednesday except tuesday is the scariest session i will ever facilitate and i have fucktons of homework. then #wednesday morning i get up early for ANOTHER covid test and then come home in the evening pack up eberything and thursday drive 9 hours to #new hampshire and miss school / work / homecoming stuff for 4 days so i can commemorate the loss of my grandmother and then drive back #9 hours home and get ANOTHER covid test and also there will be covid tests in New Hampshire too. so in conclusion my life is fucking awesome #purrs #delete later #probably cuz that’s like a lot of tmi. i am going to have a breakdown i am going to have a breakdown like literally there is no fucking way #i can do this without having a breakdown. god fucking help me LOL

[justsomeantifas]

Please call the Florence Field Office and ask them not to deport Amir and tear their family apart: [phone]

Full details:

I work as a registered nurse in an intensive care unit in Southern California. Since the COVID-19 pandemic began, I’ve been working alongside my colleagues as we try to save the lives of the sickest patients and comfort their families. The hours have been long, and we have all seen more than our share of sorrow.

Fortunately, for most of the pandemic I had my husband to lean on. It was comforting to know that while I was in the unit, he was at home caring for our two young children and that when I came home he would be there to support me. That changed in July, when ICE detained him during a routine check-in. Now they are saying that he will be deported to Pakistan as soon as they are able to put him on a flight. I need your help to try and stop that from happening. Amir and I were introduced to each other by a mutual friend in New York. I loved listening to him talk. He was so knowledgeable and interesting. In Pakistan he had been a doctor, later coming to the United States on a student visa to pursue a PhD at the University of Texas in environmental science. While he was there, he started dating a woman who eventually became his first wife. Then 9/11 happened. As a Pakistani Muslim, Amir suddenly became a target of the FBI due to his research into bioluminescent bacteria, and agents showed up at his door, interrogated him, and took him away. It took them a few weeks to realize their suspicions were baseless and though they never acknowledged it, based on discriminatory profiling. Unfortunately, in the months prior to this incident, he and his wife had become estranged. As a result, he was then transferred from FBI custody to ICE, where an officer told him that the collapse of his marriage had made him deportable. For three years, Amir fought to stay in the U.S. from the inside of a detention facility. He taught himself immigration law, filing over 200 cases on behalf of other immigrants while also dealing with his own case. Eventually, he was released after a custody review. But Amir’s troubles with ICE didn’t end there. Every time they could, they detained him again, hoping that they would be able to get documents from Pakistan that would allow them to send him back. Despite this ordeal, Amir and I fell in love, moved to California, and started our family. He told me about the problems he’d had with ICE, but I didn’t care — I believed we would find a way to work it out. Now we have two children, one of whom is a year and a half old and another who is six. Every summer, Amir has dutifully checked in with ICE, who have been issuing him temporary work permits and allowing him to remain in the country with us. He started a business, and has been a taxpayer and member of the community here. I wanted Amir to apply for a marriage visa for us, but he feared that it would anger ICE and lead to his deportation. His time in detention psychologically scarred him and left him afraid of what might happen if he rocked the boat. This past July, when Amir went to his check-in with ICE, they didn’t let him leave. Without warning, they detained him, saying that they had obtained documents from Pakistan that would allow him to be deported, and that they would be doing so as soon as they could.

The months since Amir’s detention have been devastating for me and my family. I cannot stop working — my colleagues need me, and now that my husband’s income is gone, I am the sole breadwinner. When I am working, my children are in the care of a babysitter, but if anything were to happen to me they would have nowhere to go. Already, two other nurses at my ICU have become sick with COVID-19. To make matters worse, last week I received horrible news. Amir had been complaining of the lack of precautions in the Adelanto Detention Center, a privately run facility that has a contract with ICE to hold immigrants. He told me that there was no social distancing and that they were often packed into holding cells without regard for anyone’s safety. Now, he has contracted COVID-19. Hearing of his treatment since he became sick has been horrifying. Despite his positive diagnosis at Adelanto, ICE seems to have covered up the test results before transferring him to another facility in Arizona, where he once again tested positive. Now his condition has worsened. The last time we spoke, he told me that his fever had reached 104 degrees. As a medical professional who deals with COVID-19 every day, I am shocked and appalled at ICE’s irresponsible conduct regarding the highly contagious virus. As a wife, I am terrified for my husband, who is a cancer survivor. Amir is a doting father and a gentle man. He deserves better than this. Once Amir recovers and tests negative for COVID-19, ICE says that they will chain him in shackles and fly him to Pakistan, a country he has not seen in nearly 20 years. I’m not sure what will become of our family if that happens. They call me an essential worker, but how much can they really care about me if they are willing to treat us like this? Even though we are U.S. citizens, my children and I may be forced to leave my country and my job as a nurse, just to keep our family together. Deporting Amir will not make America stronger, better, or safer. It will separate our family and cause grave suffering for me and our children. It pains me to know that we are not the only family facing this kind of treatment from ICE. I need your help to keep Amir here with us. Time is running short, but it’s not too late yet. Please call the Florence Field Office and ask them not to deport Amir and tear our family apart: [phone]

#deportations #Immigration raids #violence against immigrants #immigration and customs enforcement #fuck ICE #boost

[neoculturetravesty]

We met in online class - Part 9

Image adapted from here.

Pairing: Renjun x Reader Genre: College AU, romance, angst, fluff Warnings: Strong language, fist fight, a character has Covid-19 Word Count: 5.2k

Navigation: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | You are on Part 9 | Part 10 | Last Part

A/N: So proud of the boys for breaking records with Hot Sauce 🥺💛  Also, Eid Mubarak to all who celebrate!

Renjun is ashamed to be surprised, but his friends remain true to their word.

That night, Renjun slept for what he’s sure was a good fourteen hours. Because by the time he woke, it was way in the afternoon. Jaemin was already back from his shift and Jeno was almost halfway through his. Jisung had insisted that Renjun get some more rest before he had to take over. It was a tiny bit disconcerting to have Jisung hovering over him the entire day to make sure he was eating and feeling okay, but Renjun had to admit--this was exactly what he needed. He didn’t like who he was when he was alone.

The boys had apparently even created a dedicated group chat where they would post updates and a list of things that were required at the hospital. Not that there was much required, anyway. But the boys would make sure that at the very least, Renjun’s mom had fresh clothes and home cooked food everyday while she couldn’t get out herself. Jaemin had even taken Renjun’s phone and gotten it fixed so he at least had a proper screen instead of a cracked one.

Even when Renjun was sure that he could take over on his own, the boys wouldn’t allow it. On many occasions, he had just stayed by them during their turns, thankful for their company and their friendship. Because who else in this world would spend their semester break in this fashion? He’s pretty sure they had plans; but they had forsaken them all to be there for him. 

Renjun has no idea how it happens, but slowly and surely, things start to get better. He’s pretty certain it has to be some sort of a miracle. Like a little break of sunshine had finally decided to shine on him through the dark clouds. Like somehow, his guardian angel had decided that it had slacked off for long enough and now it should give Renjun a break. Because one day, the doctors tell them that Renjun’s grandmother will be a lot weaker for the next few days to come… but with a lot of care and attention, she should be ready to go home. They echo Renjun’s thoughts and tell them that it is nothing short of a miracle, but also that he should be thankful that his grandmother is still young and has a fighting spirit.

The day she is taken off of life support and brought into another room with a window through which he can see her, Renjun can’t hold himself back. He hugs onto Jaemin so tight and cries happy tears, and Jaemin holds him back just as strong, though he’s sure that he’s so overwhelmed by relief that he’s putting all of his weight onto the boy. But Jaemin doesn’t relent and holds onto him and lets him cry tears of joy into his shoulder.

The boys head home that night and laugh till they cry and celebrate Renjun’s grandma’s life and health. They eat like they had been hungry for days and slump their shoulders in ease like they had been keeping them tense for too long. They laugh and they sit together and keep letting out long sighs of relief, as if each breath was undoing a knot in their chest. It’s a sweet, victorious sort of a happy moment, and it is Jeno who has to remind them they need to focus now more than ever so that Renjun’s grandma can get her strength back and finally test negative. And it is an important reminder because the new semester is about to begin soon and given classes, they will have to redo their hospital visit schedules.

At the very least, they learn that the new semester would begin online, because the sudden surge in Covid cases had led them to another lockdown. Renjun’s not sure whether he should be happy or upset about it. On the one hand, he thinks this lockdown should’ve happened earlier so his grandma would’ve never gotten sick in the first place. On the other hand, he is happy that his grandma would now be safe and recover comfortably. 

When classes begin and Renjun finds all his housemates at home, his heart drops a little and he wonders if he should just skip today. But an amused Jeno mutes himself during his online class and stops him.

“You have other friends, too, you know?” Jeno cocks an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, but I’m sure they have classes, too. Plus, the four of us have been doing this from the beginning, so… I don’t know…” Renjun says, rubbing the back of his neck, feeling a bit nervous about leaving his mother and grandma on their own without help. But Jeno looks at him like he’s talking gibberish.

“Dude. Not the four of us. All seven of us have been doing this from the very beginning.” Jeno says, eyebrow still cocked, looking at Renjun like he’s sure he’s lost his mind.

Renjun looks up and for a moment, he is sure his face looks dumb. Because if the buffering wheel was a human expression, Renjun’s certain he’s wearing it now. “All… seven?”

“Do you even check the group chat? Chenle and Mark and Donghyuck. They’ve all been doing their duty from Day 1, you idiot. How else would the rest of us come home so early?” Jeno scoffs and laughs a bit, knotting his eyebrows at his clueless friend.

For a moment, Renjun is silenced. Because he doesn’t know how to process this information. He feels a swell in his chest. A sort of happiness that only true friendship brings. But at the same time, he feels an incredible pang of guilt, because for one, he is an asshole that keeps underestimating the said friendship. And for the other, he had done absolutely nothing to be deserving of such love. 

“Dong… Donghyuck, too?” Renjun asks and he feels his heart breaking, though even in this surreal moment of realization, he recognizes how strange it is to feel heartbreak over something like this.

“Of course, you idiot. Donghyuck was the one that stayed at the hospital the entire first night when you were asleep.” Jeno tells him and smacks him lightly on the head.

And for the first time in his life, Renjun actually feels what it is like to have his head physically hang in shame. “I don’t deserve it.” he sighs.

“I really don’t understand you sometimes, Huang Renjun.” Jeno says and turns his attention back to his class.

“What do you mean?” Renjun retorts.

“Just because friends have a dumb fight, doesn’t mean they abandon each other in times of need.” Jeno states like it is the most obvious thing in the world.

It should be simple and obvious, everything Jeno has said. But to Renjun, it is groundbreaking. Because Renjun wasn’t used to being loved and cared for without condition. In his dark and convoluted view of the world, everything was give and take. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. But here they were--his friends that were shattering all of those dumbass beliefs. Telling him that although he had been a grade A asshole and punched them in the face, they understood that he was going through some shit, and that taking care of his sick grandmother trumped all other childish grudges. Renjun realizes that perhaps, he was the most childish out of all his friends. Somewhere in his turbulent childhood, he might have skipped a lot of emotional development. Because why else would the kindness and love of his friends shock him so?

Jeno peeks over the top of his laptop and watches Renjun deep in thought, paying no attention to his own class. “He’s at the hospital right now.” Jeno says knowingly.

And that’s all Renjun needs to hear before he slams his laptop shut and makes his way out.

The fact that Renjun is probably a few steps behind in his emotional development is solidified when he sits next to Donghyuck on a park bench and suddenly finds himself at a loss for what to say.

The rush of blood and adrenaline he had felt in his veins leaving his house for his apology tour seemed to have faded when he saw his friend’s face. Donghyuck had been sitting next to Renjun’s father, but that hadn’t been the bothersome part. It was the fact that his friend was sitting there for him, but with a black eye that Renjun had given him. 

In the grand scheme of healing black eyes, Donghyuck definitely looked less hurt than the last time Renjun had seen him. The purples were mostly gone, leaving behind hues of yellow and a speck of blue here and there. Though he may have been healing, there were more colors on him than before and that’s what made him look worse. That’s also the part that makes Renjun feel most ashamed. His friend was here for him even though he looked like shit thanks to him.

Renjun is sure that on the list of top ten assholes of the world, he would find his own name on top.

But sitting next to Donghyuck outside in the fresh air, he has no idea what to say. He thinks real hard and decides to start in the safe zone.

“Did the guys tell you? About my grandma?” he asks.

“Um, no. It was Jimin.” Donghyuck replies awkwardly.

Renjun nods. “I, uh… I told the guys like a day later, though. Did you tell them before I did?”

“No, um… I was at a party with the 127s… I didn’t see her text till like the next day either, so…” Donghyuck trails off.

Renjun nods again, then swallows. It’s so strange, how awkward this all is. It is unsettling because Donghyuck is the least awkward person he knows, and he hates that this weird zone is where their relationship seems to be heading.

Not if he can help it.

In another rush of dumbass adrenaline, Renjun gets up abruptly and stands before Donghyuck.

“Go on. Do it.” Renjun says and takes a deep breath.

“Huh?” Donghyuck looks at his friend quizzically.

“Do it. Just make it quick.” Renjun nods with determination and points at his face.

“You’re crazy.” Donghyuck states and slides further away on the bench, eyebrows raised, and a grimace on his mouth.

“Just do it, man. Do it so we can move on.” Renjun says, placing both hands on his waist and squeezing his eyes shut.

“I’m not going to punch you so you can move on, you psycho.” Donghyuck’s face is contorted, like he’s scandalized and perhaps even slightly scared of his friend. 

“Come on, Donghyuckie. Just punch me and get it over with.” Renjun waves his hand impatiently, not relenting.

“Are you not hearing me, you crazy? I’m not punching you just to make you feel better!” Donghyuck almost yells.

And because Renjun is pretty sure this would work, he grabs at Donghyuck’s collar just to provoke him.

“What the fuck?!” Donghyuck tries to push Renjun off of him.

“Hit me!” Renjun shouts.

“No, are you fucking crazy! Get off me!” Donghyuck grabs at the sleeves of Renjun’s jacket and tries to pry him off. 

“Not till you hit me!” Renjun insists, clinging onto the boy, grabbing and pulling at him to annoy him best he can to get a reaction.

“I’m not going to hit you!” Donghyuck yells. The two boys spin in inelegant, rough circles on the grass, trying to push and pull at one another.

“Punch me or you got no balls!” Renjun yowls and then finally feels the blow to his face that sends him flying to the ground.

He pauses for a bit because his head spins for a solid ten seconds. He shakes it vigorously to get it to focus and it helps because then he looks up to find a very startled and distressed Donghyuck looking down at him, fist still raised in the air.

“That had more throw than power.” Renjun comments, massaging his jaw.

“Yeah, that’s what I was going for.” Donghyuck agrees. 

For a moment both boys nod and look at each other, acknowledging the technique and form of the punch. And then, they burst into laughter because fuck, all of this was so stupid. Renjun rolls on the grass and Donghyuck doubles over as he stands. Then he offers Renjun his hand to help him get up, which he takes eagerly, using it to lift up and fling himself into his friend’s arms. They hold each other strongly, thumping one another on the back. And just like that, the awkwardness is gone. All that was meant to be said has been said and now Renjun is no longer struggling to find his words. They come easily, because all of this is so natural. He was with his best friend, after all.

“You are a crazy motherfucker, you know that, right?” Donghyuck comments, shaking his head as they sit back down on the bench.

Renjun chuckles, then looks at the grass, because his head hangs in shame again. “I’m a sorry motherfucker.”

Donghyuck puts an arm around Renjun and thumps his back again. “You should be sorry, you dumb fuck. But also, you’ve got a pretty toxic coping mechanism, you know that, right?”

Renjun sighs long “I know. The longer I think about it, the dumber I feel.”

He expects his friend to make a joke in return but he feels his hesitation. So he looks up and finds Donghyuck trying to think of what to say. “Have you ever thought about… like sorting that out, maybe?” he finally asks.

“Sorting it out?” Renjun asks, confused.

“Like... you know this isn’t normal, right?” Donghyuck asks, and he doesn’t sound like he’s mocking. His tone doesn’t have the slightest hint of a joke and that’s what makes Renjun realize what he’s talking about.

“No… no, I haven’t…” Renjun admits. He doesn’t know why he’s never thought about ‘sorting it out’. Perhaps because he’s always thought he was smarter than anyone who could offer him help.

“You could give it a try. Talking to someone really helps sometimes, you know? Getting help can help.” Donghyuck says carefully.

Renjun bites his lip. He knows his friend is right, but he’s never really, truly given it a thought. Donghyuck senses his discomfort and changes the subject.

“Your grandma is finally getting tested again tomorrow.” he says as he stretches.

Renjun smiles “Yeah. I honestly can’t believe it…” he looks at his best friend “... but I also don’t know if I’ll ever be able to thank you…”

Donghyuck frowns and shakes Renjun by the shoulder “Stop it before I throw up.”

“I mean it.”

“I’ll throw up even if you mean it.”

“Donghyuck…”

“Okay, really, stop. Also, I’m not even the one you should be thanking. Or apologizing to.” Donghyuck sits back after he’s had his fill of shaking Renjun.

“Of course, you’re the one I should be thanking and apologizing to, you stupid. You did all of this for me even when I was an absolute asshole to you.” Renjun presses.

“You are an asshole, but you’re also a dumb asshole.” Donghyuck declares.

“Hey, I’m trying to apologize nicely, here.” Renjun pouts and his friend lets out a long, exasperated sigh.

“I thought you were just being obtuse but you seriously don’t know…” Donghyuck shakes his head.

“Know what?” Renjun asks and Donghyuck shrugs and acts like a little shit which annoys Renjun, but at the same time fills him with relief. Because Donghyuck being a little shit to him means their friendship has been restored to its original state. But he asks again “Know what?!”

“Dude, no offense or anything, but did you really think your parents can put your grandma in a private room all on their own?” Donghyuck asks.

Renjun stops a bit. He’d been so worried about the fact that his grandma’s life was hanging by a thread that he hadn’t even thought about the expenses part. He knows his grandma had a little bit in savings, but his parents for sure didn’t earn that much. Come to think of it, he hadn’t even realized that this was one of the nicer hospitals around.

“Fuck it, I’m really going to have to spell it out for you. Since your brain doesn’t seem to be working.” Donghyuck sighs dramatically.

“What?”

“Dude. This is Y/N’s parents’ hospital. Your mother couldn’t possibly keep taking care of your grandma all on her own, now could she? When Y/N found out, she went crazy. She made her parents direct all their best resources into taking care of your grandma.”

For a while, the information hangs in the air.

Renjun had thought that he would never get to feel things that were new and unexplainable ever again. He thought he had experienced every single feeling his body had to offer. The past month alone had put him through more emotions than he had experienced in his whole life. He had seen it all, felt it all.

But what he’s experiencing right now doesn’t feel like gratitude or shame or longing or anything one should expect to feel in a situation like this. It just feels like a soft light has filled his chest and is lifting him in the air. He feels like he’s floating, like he’s having an out of body experience. 

“Oh,” is the only thing he can manage to say.

And then he remembers your face. He hadn’t realized it then, but he sees now how badly he had wanted to see you that night. He had wanted no one but you to hold him and kiss him and tell him that he wasn’t alone. And he remembers how he couldn’t tell you any of that. He remembers how you had walked away with another man. 

And that makes him come back to earth. He feels a resigned sort of sadness.

“Y/N is… she would do that for anybody, wouldn’t she?” Renjun smiles sadly.

“She probably would. But you should’ve seen how worried she was. Even now, she is on the phone everyday with her parents, making sure they’re doing everything they can. She didn’t want what happened to her grandmother to happen to yours.” Donghyuck tells him.

Renjun looks up “What happened to her grandmother?”

Donghyuck raises his eyebrows. “She passed away from Covid last year?” His eyebrows go higher still “She says she’s told you about this?”

Renjun thinks, and then it’s as if a veil on his memory is slowly but poorly being lifted. He remembers laying his head on your shoulder. He remembers feeling your shirt dampen from his tears. He remembers your fingers drawing relaxing patterns in his hair. He remembers your soothing voice, speaking to him with such tenderness that Renjun had barely heard your words and had focused instead on it’s sweet tones. But now, when Renjun is forcing himself to think, he very foggily recalls what you had been saying. You had been telling him about your own grandmother. Why hadn’t Renjun listened? Why did Renjun never listen when you spoke? He was such a selfish, arrogant fool. He wishes he could go back and change it all. 

Donghyuck shakes his head. “Are you really….” he sighs again, “Nevermind. But yeah, she basically went nuts because she couldn’t be here with you.”

Renjun’s heart is aching and he’s pretty sure his face reflects it. “I wish I could take it all back. Everything I did to her.”

“You can take it back.” Donghyuck says.

“How?” 

“Apologize to her, you dummy.” Donghyuck smacks the back of his head.

“How? I tried calling her once but she didn’t pick up.” Renjun admits.

“Then you should call her again and again and again till it sticks.” Donghyuck says plainly and it makes so much fucking sense that Renjun is embarrassed that he hadn’t thought it.

“Yeah, but…” Renjun swallows, “... it doesn’t really matter now, does it?”

“What do you mean?” Donghyuck asks.

“She’s with Wong Hendery now. So…” Renjun can’t even complete the thought.

“What do you mean she’s with Wong Hendery?” Donghyuck scrunches his brows deep in his forehead in confusion.

“She left with him for the semester break. I went to see her… but she left with him…” Renjun presses his lips together.

“Wait…” Donghyuck says and Renjun looks up and nods at him as if to confirm the fact. But he sees something entirely different on his friend’s face. It’s an expression of deep dumbfoundedness. “... are you some sort of an idiot?” He asks like Renjun is the dimmest person he has ever come across.

And Renjun doesn’t help his cause because he only blinks in return.

“Dude! She’s not ‘with Wong Hendery,’” Donghyuck gets up and smacks Renjun across the head once again. “They’re partners on the SMK Trainee Drive. She’s literally been preparing for this for months? Shouldn’t you know this?”

Renjun blinks some more. SMK Trainee Drive? Renjun had heard and personally seen you preparing for interviews and these drives. But somehow a lot of it hadn’t registered in his brain. Once again, probably because he never listened to you well. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, he was an idiot. He was the biggest idiot on the planet.

Yet right now, he was a smiling idiot whose heart was suddenly filling with hope. “She’s not… with… she’s not with Hendery?” Renjun is embarrassed. He feels so fucking stupid asking this, but he absolutely can’t help the smile spreading across his face.

“She’s literally at the tower right now. She’s been stuck because we went into lockdown whilst she was there. It’s why she couldn’t come and see you. But the highway doesn’t open for another week, so she’ll be stuck till then.” Donghyuck explains, and Renjun feels his heart exploding with joy at every word. He’s pretty sure he’s grinning shamelessly. 

“Why do I know more about your girlfriend than you do? Oh wait. It's because 'she's not your girlfriend.’” Donghyuck does a perfectly exaggerated mimicry of Renjun that reminds him of that one SpongeBob meme. On a normal day, he would’ve wanted to smack his friend for doing this. But in this moment, he is all too happy to be the one being smacked and mocked.

Renjun laughs with relief, then finds his laugh fading a bit. “Do you think she’ll forgive me? For everything I did?”

“I don’t know, man. But you wouldn’t know unless you try.” Donghyuck once again states something that should be obvious.

“How do I try if she’s not picking up my calls? And when she won’t even be here for another week?” Renjun sulks a bit but gets smacked in the head again.

“Dude! She literally did everything in the world to help your grandma, and she was in a wholeass different city! She did that all for you! I’m sure you can figure out a simple apology.” Donghyuck has his arms crossed and is now seriously looking agitated with him and it makes Renjun smile.

“She really did that for me?” Renjun asks and he doesn’t even care if he sounds like a cheesy motherfucker. He doesn’t even care he’s being this way in front of Lee Donghyuck who probably won’t let him live it down for the rest of his life.

“Of course she did that for you, you idiot.” Renjun earns another smack at the end of that.

“Does she like me?” Renjun asks like a stupid, hopeful teenage boy.

Donghyuck pretends to gag and moves away in disgust. But then he sees Renjun’s expression and lets out a long, irritated exhale. “Of course she likes you, you dumb fuck.” Renjun gets hit in the head, “Why would she do all of this if she didn’t like you?” Renjun gets another smack, “Oh Lord, please give me the strength to not commit murder. I am not your strongest soldier…” Donghyuck looks up at the sky and Renjun laughs openly, freely and lightly. He feels as if all the knots in his chest are slowly being undone one by one. So he jumps up and tries to tackle and cuddle Donghyuck but he keeps moving away. The two boys run around in the ground, Renjun chasing Donghyuck, trying to attack him with his love while he complains that his hair smells.

And Renjun accepts all his insults with a newly healed heart. You liked him. Despite everything that he’d done to you, you liked him. You had worried about him and done everything in your power to help his grandma. You had kept tabs on her and made sure she was healing even though you were miles away. You liked him, and you weren’t with a new guy and you liked him.

As he walks back towards the hospital with his arm around his best friend’s shoulders, he decides that if it came to it that he had to beg and grovel for your forgiveness, he would happily spend the rest of his life on his knees. Because you liked him and Renjun was never going to let you go ever again.

True to his word (for maybe the first time in your relationship), Renjun spends the rest of the week trying to reach you. Because his apology tour wouldn’t be complete without his most important stop--you.

He calls you so many times; but each time, he only gets to hear the dial tone and the mechanical voice telling him that the user is unreachable at the moment. You never pick up.

But his mind and his spirit is fueled by Donghyuck’s advice, and this time, the advice is a lot more sound and a lot less exploitative. So, Renjun doesn’t give up because he has to make it stick. You had never given up on him. He wasn’t going to give up on you. When he’s sure you won’t pick up his calls, he leaves you a string of messages.

‘Hey, Y/N. I’m trying to call you. Please pick up?’

‘I know you have every right to be mad at me, but I just need a chance to apologize.’

‘I’m seriously the biggest idiot in the world, but I need to tell you that in person.’ 

‘Okay, I’m coming to you.’

‘Turns out I can’t just negotiate with the police to let me cross the city lines to get to the girl I like.’

‘Y/N, please…’

‘I’m the world’s sorriest and the most embarrassed motherfucker and I need to hear your voice to tell you that.’

‘I am Berry-Berry sorry, and I’m just asking for one chance to get to talk to you.

‘I’m not going to stop, you know?’

He has to admit that his patience is wearing thin. Because he’s trying every method and none of it is working; and also because his pride had never allowed him to beg and grovel to anyone before. It’s a humbling experience, but at the same time, he doesn’t feel burdened by it. This was for you. The girl who had done everything in her power to make him fall. The girl who had given him more love and kindness than anyone else in the world had. The girl who had taken his troubles and worries as her own. So, of course, he had to do everything in his power to earn your forgiveness.

But as he’s sitting in his room, trying to call you for what he’s sure is the twentieth time that day, he hears that your phone has been powered off. For a moment, Renjun feels immensely dispirited. Maybe he had lost you for good. Maybe you never wanted to hear from him ever again. Maybe this is what he deserved.

But in the next moment, Renjun stops himself. No. He wasn’t going to let his mind spiral that way again. He had to think with a good, clear mind. He couldn’t sit around and sulk without knowing he had explored all possible options. He needed to get creative and for that, he needed to think.

He could certainly wait it out till the week was over and when you’d be back. But he wanted to spend each passing minute letting you know that he was trying. So, that wasn’t an option.

Maybe he could look at the map and find some loopholes and secret passageways across the city. Surely, some of them had to be unmanned so he could break the lockdown law and get to you? That would certainly be impactful, being locked up in jail as a grand gesture of an apology. But Renjun was no action hero.

Renjun sits and thinks and thinks and thinks till a light bulb finally goes off. Of course. A grand gesture. He yells into his pillow out of excitement and frustration that he hadn’t thought of this before. If one thing had been established during this time, it was the fact that Renjun was a dumb fuck with a penchant for being blind to the obvious. 

He gets up bright and early the next morning and rushes to see your friend at her apartment. He sits beside her as her online class starts, away from the camera view and finds his heart filling with the utmost warmth as he sees your window finally appear on the screen. Even in the tiny box, you looked so freaking beautiful that for a minute, Renjun stops and stares as butterflies take over his belly. But he taps his cheek to get himself to focus. He was here on a mission.

He waits for the class to begin before he slides himself into view next to your friend and types out a message on the chat that had taken him all night to prepare. He hits ‘Send to Everyone’ and waits.

And thankfully, the professor--miraculously the same professor who had done this the very first time all that time ago--stops to read it out,

“This might be a long shot, but Y/N L/N, do you think you can find it in your heart to give me another chance?” he begins, squinting his eyes slightly in confusion as he reads on, then smiling as realization hits. “Well, that’s certainly not a question from Ms. Kim Minjeong, I can tell you that.” he jokes and waits because as it had before, this has piqued the students’ interest.

Renjun watches as your pretty eyes widen. He watches them skirt across your screen, seemingly looking for the cause of the commotion. He watches the moment of realization hitting your pretty face. And he waits.

“Well, Ms. Y/N L/N, are you going to put the young man out of his misery?” the professor jokes kindly and Renjun thinks he might die from the anticipation.

And then, he watches as you move to unmute yourself.

“Yeah, I guess I could give him another chance,” you say nonchalantly which earns you a round of applause and hoots from all other windows. Because college students will always love dramatic antics.

The professor calls the class back to attention and Renjun sits back in his chair, grinning like an idiot because the girl he had fallen for had given him another chance.

Copyright © 2021 NeoCultureTravesty. All rights reserved.

#renjun fic #renjun angst #renjun fluff #kpopscape #ficscafe #neowritingsnet #dreamwritersnet #huang renjun #renjun #nct dream #nct fic #nct dream fic #nct fluff #nct angst #nct college au #renjun x reader #we met in online class

[srbachchan]

DAY 4850

Jalsa, Mumbai                  June 8/9,  2021               Tue/Wed 12:08 AM

Birthday Ef - Ashesh Dave ,USA .. Monday, June 7 .. belated greetings if this date is correct .. love

Birthday EF - Naresh Bhatt ..  Ratna Mukherjee .. Wednesday, June 9 .. and the wishes of all the Ef for this special day of yours .. and the love .. and be safe 🙏 .. 

.. there was an unlocking of the conditions that we were in , in a somewhat cautious mode .. the instigation came from the decline in the graphs and the easing of the numbers in the CoviD realm .. 

Maharashtra and Delhi seem to be in better shape .. the digits show a graph that slopes down and the release of the orders to relax some of the stringent measures has taken shape .. selected movements are permitted, but the precautions must be observed .. mask, distance, vaccinations, washing .. all to be in place .. 

and .. certain essential services have been opened up .. bars , parlours, restaurants with limited numbers 50% and also film work .. work till 4pm only .. after that no movements or work .. so some quick scheduling is taking place and in all probability its donning make up within a few days, and off to the studio ..

Work for the betterment of those that are in need and suffer continues .. 

The Oxygen Concentrators ordered from overseas have arrived and almost 50 of them have been distributed out to Hospitals that look after patients free of cost .. some of it shall be going tomorrow to the Care Centre we opened at Rithambara School, which we initiated with a 25 bed facility, and hope to add another 50 beds to it ..

Almost 150 oxygen concentrators that were designated for the Gurudwaara facility in Delhi , and that I had managed to import from Poland, have already been cleared and are in operation at the facility, and this is most heartening .. 

5 Ventilators , of the 20 other ordered -  an equipment that has had great difficulty in procuring - have arrived and we are sending them to some of the prominent Hospitals that do exemplary work in treating the very poor and needy .. each drop counts and all of us are dedicated in doing our best .. though huge amounts of the necessary needs are in position or in manufacturing and shall soon make it feasible for our needs .. private manufacturers are in the midst of producing the required Vaccines in the multiple crores / millions, and all of us are taking personal interest in seeing that our own private facilities as also the Manufacturing facilities in their factories are vaccinating all the employees, to get the numbers adding on each hour ..

My own entire shooting unit, that shall be starting work on my film ‘GoodBye’ in a few, have all been vaccinated by the Production, and extreme precautions are in place to maintain precaution .. every set room is sanitised after every short break and they that report for work are tested before they can enter the studio .. and every other day random tests are done ; the infected blocked and sent home or to Hospital, immediately .. 

The conditions at home too were severe .. none of the staff whether in the house or working outside were allowed to travel out of the premise .. once they were in after tests, they remained in .. they worked and when the shift was over, they were given place to stay back and looked after during the entire lockdown .. quarantine rooms were made in office for those that were coming from out of town or from their homes outside the city, the protocol as stipulated by Doctors and Hospitals was maintained strictly, and only after the stipulated time was over the test done for negative were they allowed to get back to their specific work ..  all precautions maintained .. masks on ,hand washing frequently and distances maintained .. and all getting vaccinated as soon as the time table prepared by the Authorities falls in place ..

The responsibility of each home each individual person is primary and a must .. we must adhere to the given discipline ourselves, so we can look after the discipline of others .. 

Often when the laxity is announced there is a feeling that all is well and we get back to being normal .. this is NOT correct .. yes , laxity is considered , because survival is essential too .. BUT maintaining the essential protocol of preventions is paramount .. 

The virus is the opponent that we battle in a game of sports .. in the boxing ring, on the cricket field, on the football grounds, on the Tennis courts , on Basketball courts , at athletic events and every sporting event .. we all devise strategies of defeating the other .. the ‘other’ today is the virus and we have to have, a combined unified effort, to defeat this enemy, this opponent - knock him down to the count of 10 ; bowl him out with an innings defeat ; score that final goal into the net in the extra time even and win the championships ; whack that forehand down the side line and win the Grand Slam title ;  basket that last second ball to win the national interstate series ; be the Usain and break the tape in the world record ; be the Saina and PV Sindhu and WIN .. Phogat the opponent freestyle wrestler to the ground, and get the ‘Gold’ for the Country .. 

GET THE ‘GOLD’ FOR THE COUNTRY , IN THE DEFEAT OF THE VIRUS  !!

God and the Almighty above us .. and we in prayer  .. 🙏🙏🙏

Amitabh Bachchan

[felassan]

DA4 Lead Producer Scylla Costa’s BIG Festival talk, “Challenges of Dragon Age production during the pandemic”, can currently be rewatched on YouTube here starting roughly at timestamp 8:57:02 after a lil presenter blurb/intro. It’s 1 hour long. When it was streamed live, there was an English translation ‘voiceover’. There isn’t in this vid, however I want to post the link for Portuguese speakers, and also it’s neat for everyone to be able to see all the slides he presented with for themselves in context.

I don’t know if an English-language version will get put up so I’m sharing the notes I took during the talk below, in case anyone’s interested and because I might as well since I wrote them. The rest of this post is under a cut due to length.

Edit: Found a place to re-watch the English version of the talk

(Quick note: I didn’t note down everything, mostly things that caught my interest, so this isn’t exhaustive, and when I was watching I was real tired, so pls bear that in mind and don’t take these notes as bullet-proof 100% accurate gospel or direct quotes. If you watched it and think I’ve written down something wrong/misunderstood, let me know and I’ll fix. Also if you’re a Portuguese speaker and I’ve gotten something incorrect or missed something important etc, again just let me know.) **

** Edit: I’ve now gone through my notes while watching the talk again. I’ve filled in some of the gaps (although they still don’t cover everything said) and so forth, and now I’m no longer worried about there being possible errors in this post.

-----

For some context, this slide contained the breakdown of the talk’s structure. Bear in mind there are other slides present in the talk than the ones I’ve posted here, I didn’t include caps of all of them, just ones which were of note to me.

In the talk, chief Producer Scylla goes over challenges of DA4 production during the pandemic. He discusses the adaptations - necessary skills and learning from remote work - and he ponders on the future of teamwork.

After the launch of ME3 he became a producer, all his MMO and other experience helped a lot. He was on DAI for 3 years and MEA for 9 months, then Anthem. Today, on DA4, Scylla and another Lead Producer were the heads of the whole project, and there is his boss is the Executive Producer Christian Dailey. 

^ the usual AAA game development cycle (brief introduction)

AAA games are games that are launched for several platforms simultaneously. 

In BioWare’s case, the pre-production phase of the game development cycle can have from 5 - 30 people, and up to almost 60 people when they’re just about to go through the gate to production. 

In the pre-production phase, they go through the game’s concepts and prototypes and start developing systems. They seek the game’s concept and focus, and its key features. They do lots of market research. In the case of BioWare, all their games are strong in narrative, so they have lots of tools related to game narratives and supporting the development of a narrative (cinematic design, dialogue system etc) that get focused on in this phase. Other parts of the team such as writers and cinematic design need these systems to do their own roles. 

In BioWare’s case, the pre-production phase through to launch can take 4 - 6 years, but it does depend on the size of the team during development.

With regards to Dragon Age 4, they were coming close to the time when they would shift from pre-production to the production stage when the pandemic hit.

During the production phase is when the development of content and features takes place, with the systems mostly already existing from the pre-production phase. A few new systems may be developed in this phase. In the production phase is when things start escalating, and the team really starts growing, to like 2- or 3-fold the prior pre-production phase size. 

(DA4 is currently in the production phase.)

In the alpha phase, features have to be fully implemented and systems all have to be running / working. All the game features should already be in the game by now. They test from pre-production onwards, but this phase is when they run heavy technical tests with lots of players trying to play at the same time. In the beta phase, the idea is that you should now have full content and that now you’re balancing it and running more and lots of different tests with players before launch. There are final tweaks and then the final launch, when in the weeks prior to launch, all the different business units and areas e.g. marketing team, technology team, publishing team, get together once a day and all of the game’s issues are reported and brought to the table to be prioritized. Then they decide the next steps re: these issues (this is known as ‘the war room’).

After the launch there are usually patches like day zero patches and other patches, this being standard industry practise. The last stage is the new content stage where there are DLCs and a game with more content.

On March 12th 2020, the team gathered to review the DA4 story in the new office. Everyone was very excited. (They had spent over 10 years in their last building and had noticed that with the team growing they needed more space. In August 2019 they found the new studio in the city center.)

Anyway that evening, they got an email from the CEO which contained instructions and said that due to the pandemic, they should from now all start working remotely. They had known that this happening was a possibility so they had been planning on how to have all the devs working from home, but initially less than 50% of the devs were able to work from home successfully/efficiently due to various issues e.g. you need a VPN to be able to log in remotely to do your job normally, varying home office setups. The day after this, the office was basically deserted, except for Scylla, the IT infrastructure people and one or two odd devs.

Scylla was part of the team that was working on allowing the devs to work from home. They first started looking at the short-term changes they needed to make to allow this.

“First, take care of our developers”. 

When the pandemic first hit, their and Scylla’s [as Lead Producer] first priority was to look after the devs. Many of them are parents (schools and day-cares were shut, children were studying from home), others have relatives living with them, others have other personal circumstances which of course need to be taken into account when it comes to assessing what needs to be taken into consideration for this new scenario. So, they looked at each dev on a case-by-case basis in order to evaluate, speaking to each one and asking them what they could do to support them.

One of the first changes/adaptations they could implement was flexible working hours and flexibility around deadlines. Generally speaking the devs got a lot of support, EA was really good and really supported the devs especially in the first months of the pandemic (and they are still supporting them). Initially not all devs had suitable office spaces at home, some were working from the living room from laptops or at the kitchen table. The whole covid situation basically just happened over night and nobody was really ready to deal with that change. So their first step was to enable their devs to work remotely. As a producer, Scylla’s main task is to communicate with the team such as via a number of daily meetings. He doesn’t depend so much on powerful hardware.

“Enable developers to work remotely”.

This slide shows some of a BioWare audio team. Different teams have varying and specific needs in order to do their jobs and therefore in order to do them remotely. For example, the audio team need good-quality speakers and amplifiers, while the lighting and art teams need other specific equipment such as tablets and large screens. So there was a lot of work they had to do to go through each dev to understand their individual needs and what needed to be done for them. ‘Could they download the builds? Did they have the right performance [tech-wise]? Could they submit their changelists, their codes to the server?’

Some devs needed a more powerful internet connection as it would take 6-8 hours to download a build (some devs live rurally). Some needed a lot of cable, as they were working far away from their routers (sometimes up to 50m). As time went by things got better and better. 

The chair devs work from is also important; a kitchen able chair etc is not suitable to sit in for long-term desk work, possibly leading to health issues like back ache and blood circulation problems in the legs.

Every 3 months they had money given to help devs buy new mice, keyboards, monitors - anything they needed really in order for their office setting at home to be improved. For a while, because lots of people [generally, in society] were needing and buying them, it was quite hard to buy things like webcams and microphones.

On mid- and long-term changes:

In terms of DA, we have to look at this from 2 perspectives, the change in the personal and the professional environments. 

As a consequence of working from home, people tend to be less active during the day (even in an office, you go between meeting rooms, up and down stairs etc). Physical activity supports life quality and therefore work quality. Scylla noticed that he began to feel listless and such, and found that he needed to change his routine that he had initially developed when he started working from home, for example; having a normal start time (as in, have a semblance of structure in your day as if you were still working in the office site), get dressed at the normal time, not having meetings over lunch etc. This wasn’t just him, lots of other devs encountered this and had this experience too. Devs which adapted faster had better productivity and became more productive faster.

Scylla bought a stand-up desk which he can raise up and down, and at meetings he would be delivering a talk while standing or even while walking on a treadmill. Other devs also got stand-up desks. He tracked his body’s data on a Fitbit. These sorts of things helped improve physical and mental wellbeing. Other devs did similar things, like starting going out for jogs or began practising yoga. Essentially, everyone needed to make changes to their daily routine in comparison to what they had been doing prior to the pandemic. 

The pandemic has been a thing for over a year now. In their location, every couple of weeks a new restriction is put into place or a rule is changed, and every two weeks there’s a new thing that you can and can’t do. Scylla also started moving around his property. He worked on his desk, fixed it up and painted - taking up a new hobby. Other devs picked up new hobbies too. These are good ways to be active and also to be somewhere else, i.e. to break up the working day and not be spending it all in one home office-type location. Scylla found that when he made these sorts of changes to his routine to improve his lifestyle, the data output by his Fitbit as indicators of his health/wellbeing etc improved, e.g. number of steps taken in a day, heartbeats per minute while at rest. As stated many of the other devs went through a similar process.

On the professional side of things:

They had to improve remote delivery of builds. Accessing things from home as a dev requires a VPN. They need to download a build every day and then upload it to the server after making their changes to the game. They had to work with infrastructure and research other tech, such as streaming tech to allow remote console access, in order to better facilitate this process. For remote access, they also had to work on adapting communications channels.

“Adapting channels of communication.”

In this slide, the team are working on the storyboards. Before you can implement motion capture & performance capture, you have to ‘run the storyboards’ like this. These are small illustrating drawings which reflect the drafts and are meant to quickly reflect the intention of the scenes that are to be built. Before the pandemic, the team would go to meeting rooms like this, sit down, talk and interact in person. After the pandemic, the question became ‘How do you do this over Zoom?’ You can, but it’s not quite the same; it’s harder to see peoples’ expressions, some people are embarrassed speaking over Zoom etc. Therefore they had to adapt their communications systems, and unlearn the ways in which they developed before in order to relearn and learn new ways of communicating.

Slack was a tool that they adopted on this front. Communications channels can be confusing on Slack, so there was a need to develop structure. For example, how quickly should someone reply (as a recommended convention for the purposes of work)? They had to define the process/procedures for the channels so it was clear for the team as a whole how it would all flow (this is important especially if you have a team with say 30 people or as a whole hundreds of people). Before the pandemic, they had stand-up meetings where they’d go around in a circle every morning and talk about their activities - what they’re going to be working on, any roadblocks they had encountered etc. The question arose ‘How do you replace these?’ They ended up doing Slack messages at a certain time of day and updating their statuses with some details on what they’re working on and color-coding (green - fine, yellow - need help, red - busy/blocked out).

Another issue that they faced was unforeseen - the number of meetings that devs were having really shot through the roof. When there wasn’t a good structure of communications channels, any conversation would become a meeting. Everybody began scheduling meetings left and right, and at the end of the day they would have little time left in which to actually work on their to-do lists. Hence, they had to work with the team to really analyze and be very pragmatic. ‘Which meetings needed to happen? Which didn’t? Is a specific meeting really necessary? Which meetings should be recurring? What can be done over Slack?’ This guideline had to be given to the team to help, and it improved things a lot. The number of meetings decreased a lot and they got more effective. For example, by making sure to set an agenda for meetings beforehand, and by having meeting notes (then a dev who didn’t really need to be at a meeting could skip attending and just quickly review the notes output after instead). They also decreased the standard length of meeting times from the default Outlook blocks of 1 hour and 30 mins to 55 mins and 25 mins respectively. This 5 minute change gave devs time for things like bio breaks (also 4 hours in a row at a computer in a home office with one meeting after another just isn’t good for a person).

“Adapting p-cap and mocap”.

On content:

From a content point of view, the most difficult thing in terms of the pandemic was adapting p-cap and mocap (performance capture and motion capture). They hire actors and it’s a large studio. The pandemic meant big limits to what they could and couldn’t do. The actors had to be masked and 5 meters apart in distance (although it doesn’t look like it in some of these shots due to angles). Also there could be no other person around in the studio - only the actors. The directors instead would ‘patch’ in remotely on big screens (you can see this in the second photo in the top right). 

Before the pandemic, they felt that they wouldn’t be able to do p-cap or mocap properly remotely, as the directors would usually stand right next to actors giving guidance on their performance. The techs would also usually be near. But they adapted! The keyword is adapting, changing process. It’s harder and it’s different, but it is possible, and people start rethinking what is possible. What was said to be impossible before now is possible.

P-cap differs to mocap in that it also captures voice and facial expressions.

On the future of work after covid:

There will probably be more working from home and more flexibility for workers e.g. being able to work say 3 out of 5 days from home. It does depend on what a dev’s specific job is however. For example, the audio engineers require lots of specialist equipment and said equipment is of higher quality and quantity in the office. So, depending on role, devs might be working more often or less often from home.

Another development is that lots of devs are moving house. In lockdown etc people started reassessing what’s most important in life. Some are moving further away from the studio to get a cheaper rent or for example couples who both needed an office space to work from home from but their current place only had one area. Others are moving closer to nature for a better quality of life, and still others have other different reasons for doing so. Over 10 devs that he knows in fact have recently moved, including Scylla himself.

The pandemic changed certain skills being used by people on a daily basis. Scylla used as an example of this one of his soft skills, being able to tell from looking/interacting in-person with someone if they are stressed out. Obviously it’s less easy to tell if someone is stressed out when you’re remote, so you adapt different ways of checking in with people in the new situation. To continue carrying out his role as Lead Producer, he began checking in with his team pro-actively on the new comms channels and asking how they were doing.

Also, now that companies are more open to working remotely, there is going to be increased competition for hiring devs. They saw both sides of this coin at BioWare. They were able to hire devs from many places that they couldn’t hire from before e.g. Montreal, Vancouver, the US, as there’s less need for devs to relocate to Edmonton or Austin. This opens up opportunities to hire really intelligent and skilled people that they would not have had access to before.

Question and answer segment:

The pre-production phase has been concluded. They’re in the production phase.

They are not giving out a lot of details yet but Scylla is really excited as a big fan of the whole series. He thinks that with DA4, they will have the opportunity/possibility to launch the best story out of all DA games. He feels that the characters they’re making are amazing. He’s dying to say more but can’t. 

When you work from home you need to keep your team as productive as possible. During the pandemic, when people started working from home, they noticed that some people became more productive and some people became less productive. They were analyzing it on a case-by-case basis so as not to make assumptions. They were interested in seeing what they could do to help. At the beginning of the pandemic, they were looking at the devs as people and seeing what they needed.

Production of DA4 still needed to continue during the pandemic because they want to be able to launch the game.

This slide shows a writer. Writing is an example of a role which is more able to work from home easily.

Their productivity did go down in the first month of the pandemic. After adaptations, some people then became more productive than they were before (this was role and personal situation-dependent, examples of this being artists and coders who were able to art and code at home without being interrupted, thereby being able to produce more). Covid has affected productivity in general, but this is part of our new reality. They have adapted and adjusted some deadlines. They have enough data (Scylla LOVES data) now to understand how long it will take them/how long they’ll need to launch the game. They have always had historical data for this purpose, but they’re doing more of this sort of thing now to ensure that they are doing things at the right time.

Remote hiring opens up the door to more talent joining, so if someone has talent geography will hold them back less. Some companies though may choose not to hire people from other countries due to labor issues, cumbersome legal aspects, time zones. But even in such cases there are activities for example that can be carried out while the rest of the team is asleep such as testing or working on the build, or there are cases where those companies still will want to hire a specifically/highly talented person even in spite of the potential legal aspects and so on.

On mental health: People were affected. There is the mental, physical and social impacts of the pandemic situation on people. EA supported them during the pandemic in terms of their mental wellbeing, there are specific companies (services offered, speaking to a therapist) that they can contact if they need something or help. EA had always been good at supporting them with this sort of thing but this has improved further during the pandemic. Another change was that they could/can take a couple of days off if they needed/need to because of the pandemic e.g. to take care of children, who were obviously not at school at the time. As a producer he had to be very mindful of all of this. How much they were monitoring peoples’ wellbeing really went up during the pandemic.

A question that was asked - in terms of DA4′s storybeats, is there anything in there that they decided to change due to the pandemic as it wouldn’t be sensitive or appropriate to include anymore, for example a plague plotline or something? Scylla’s answer is that DA and ME are games in which they try to have narratives that are relatable, which include things which people will identify with, so that players understand what characters are going through etc. Nothing in DA4′s plotline/storybeats has been changed (in the frame of this question, relating to the pandemic), as it didn’t have anything in it that could be specifically or a directly connected to a pandemic-type situation or anything. Of course the DA story has Blights and the Taint, but these are different & fantastical things and existed long before the pandemic situation. So this wasn’t the case with DA4 and there was no need to change anything, but this has happened to other games where they decided to change a storyline due to a strong correlation with something in the real world.

There were then concluding/closing remarks. The message he wants to send is that a crisis will always spark opportunities. Look at a crisis and try to see how you can grow.

-----

[☕ found this post interesting or useful? my ko-fi is here if you feel inclined. thank you 🙏]

#dragon age 4 #the dread wolf rises #da4 #dragon age #bioware #video games #covid mention #long post #longpost #wanted to write these up properly and post them yesterday but wasn't able to #mass effect #anthem

[causticsunshine]

SOME LTWT PORTLAND SHOW INFO (+ what i’ll be up to during night two):

first things first because the seattle venue is being a wet blanket about all flags and signs, portland’s venue, the roseland theatre—which i’ve been to before for both lights and chase atlantic shows and actually has decent floor space and a good view of the stage from the side balconies!—is being cool:

and some camping and line info because this is important, especially considering how some shows have been doing in this regard:

NO CAMPING, NO SHOWING UP BEFORE 6AM, AND NO WRISTBANDS!

SO DON’T CAMP OUT, BE AWARE IF YOU START LINING UP BETWEEN 6-9AM THAT SECURITY WON’T BE THERE UNTIL 9, AND IF SOMEONE LEAVES TO GO TO THE BATHROOM, GET FOOD OR SOMETHING TO DRINK, ETC., MIND YOUR MANNERS AND LET THEM RETURN TO THEIR SPOT AND/OR REJOIN THEIR GROUP IF THEY STILL HAVE FRIENDS WAITING IN LINE!

additionally, you need to either be FULLY VACCINATED with proof of vaccination and ID to match your documentation, or have a NEGATIVE COVID TEST STAMPED WITH 72 HOURS OF ENTRY (roseland is not accepting at home testing kits!) to get in! MASKS ARE ALSO REQUIRED so do not take them off unnecessarily inside the theatre!

and if you have a ticket from the original show at crystal ballroom: you can only attend night one on march 4th! they will not be honoring crystal ballroom tickets at night two!

and last but not least regarding Yours Truly: i’ll only be attending night two and have two very random balcony seats—i only wanted one ticket and GA but etix only let me pick balcony even though i got in when sales opened, then didn’t let me pick where i was sitting and gave me an extra ticket so i have two tickets in two totally different sections lmao??—but i’ll be showing up in old town around mid day with a friend so if anyone would like to hang out let me know!! all i know right now outfit-wise is i’ll have black kappa joggers on as well as a black fanny pack with 1d pins and some keychains hanging off of it, but when i know what else i’ll be wearing i’ll give an update so i’ll be easier to find for anyone who wants to say hi!

for the show itself though i’ll be attempting™️ to sneak my friend into whatever section i choose—like etix got me fucked up and also gave me one ticket for balcony AA row BB and another for balcony KK row BB….so i’ll have a good view either way lmao—because i brought them along for company’s sake and don’t want us to be separated (and yes my friend is not Aware of things but i did make them listen to the album and they did like some tracks, thank god) but we also might try to get away with sneaking into the floor/pit for the main show if we can get away with it, especially as i know @aliensyndrome is attending and has floor tickets so we won’t be totally alone down there, but🤞🤞 we can make that happen without consequence and trust that we’ll be on our best behavior taking care of ourselves, getting away from crowding, etc.!!

anyway, i hope to meet some cool people there and expect everyone attending to be smart, safe and respectful of louis, other fans, and all staff, so please be aware of and abide by the venue rules and other any guidelines put in place by security, staff, etc! 💗

#ltwt #ltwt22 #ltwt portland #ltwt portland night 2 #ltwt portland night 1 #also if anyone sees me crying at any point during the show: no you didn’t #and if ANYONE is acting up before during or after the show and i catch you: words will be exchanged ☺️ #(please don’t think because i have a mostly out of the loop friend attending or at least one online friend coming that i won’t #be saying something to you or anyone else who’s not being safe or respectful!! in fact i will very likely be encouraged!!) #alex talks #1d

[beenjen]

Mom sent us all advent calendars of candy for the kids and hubs, tea for me 🤗

We’ve started the festivities with some art -

And I’m back on the drink water and eat your veg train -

Mom started her clinical trials. It’s exhausting. It’s of course a new medicine that not much is known about, in regards to side effects, etc, though the promise of it is strong. It’s daily tests and reports and procedures… a lot.

And shit you not, dads PSA is starting to creep again - from previous prostate cancer - and he’s having to start hormone therapy. Yeah.

All I can say, for my loves in the universe, please choose to limit processed foods, high fat content diet, red meat. Those are keys to my upbringing that I’ve stepped away from in adulthood and with my own family, that my parents haven’t, and while some things are genetic, life choices play a factor as well. Food for though - no pun intended.

The beauty of Thanksgiving, which I shared, has warmed my heart through a stressful return to the usual. The usual here at this time of year, holiday programs for the kids that require last minute outfits that 9 times out of 10 you don’t have ready to go, the Christmas party festivities, work/school/family, job, house, relationships, and it’s all steady and solid, just much.

Hubs was offered a position at his current university, with a hefty pay and benefits increase. A boon and boost for him, a stress relief, a blessing for our family for him not to be out a job at the New Year. Also, another option at a competing university, that would have its own unique benefits… praise hands folks, that really takes a load off.

Today I was at my home campus for work. With the employee survey, that is a yearly thing, multiple departments labeled the home Office as ‘toxic’ - anyone surprised please raise your hands - so we have to complete civility training. Which is a great 3 hour course we have to attend multiple times, in addition to ‘other duties as assigned.’ It wasn’t awful. Everyone involved was passionate, engaging, and very much invested in the program with thought and content. It was not, a sit down with concerned parties, to hammer shit out. Am I old school? Do people not talk anymore?

The first 30 min, before they could get the slide show started, we chatted with the staff and it was the most productive time we’ve had pre-Covid frankly. If we could have an hour, or two of that a week, things would settle folks. Communication cannot be overrated, overlooked, ignored. Why this alludes people, I’ll never know. You may be annoyed with TMI, in a work setting that communication is key however, you’ll rapidly get over that and advance to using that info.

Basic human function continues to allude the populous - duly noted.

In other news, I SLEPT FOR 7 SOLID HOURS THIS WEEK FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OVER 3 YEARS. I woke up feeling drugged. Sleep deprivation is real loves and, you do adjust to not resting, and can operate, you do however lose something. The perspective of a rested mind is powerful. Holy moly.

Some of my backdrop and love fest for this evening, brought to you by Sir Ellington -

Playlist -

I’m excited to have 2 weeks off prior to Christmas, starting after this coming week. If some recharge could happen? Some rest? Some chillax? Please and amen.

Peace and prosperity xx

#cats of tumblr #real life #pimpin ain’t easy #Youtube

[fencer-x]

Apartment/Kitty-sitter in Japan Wanted!

Hey guys! So I bit the bullet and decided rather than waiting what could be another year for Japan to get its vaccine program in line, I'm going to go back to the US to get my shots and visit my family, since reservations are wide open in my hometown now.

However, this brings up the issue of needing someone to hang out in my apartment and kittysit my devil child! I'm therefore looking for a cat-lover IN JAPAN (since you still can't fly in without already being a resident) who’d like a free room in the center of Tokyo to squat in my apartment and feed my kitty!

Safety Deets: I work from home and have no life, so guarantee my home is corona-free, but I'll be giving it a big thorough cleaning before you'd be arriving anyway, and you'd sleep on my pull-out sofa, which no one ever uses and is thus also germ-free XD I’ll also be taking a covid test before I fly (and if you could take a cheap one too, that would help with our mutual peace of mind; I’d be happy to cover some or all of the cost if we discussed it).

Dates: June 9-July 11 (arriving earlier and leaving later is encouraged, just in case there are travel issues)

Location: My apartment in Shinjuku, Tokyo

I'm aware this is a big ask and am not expecting much of a response, but I'm putting feelers out there anyway. If you have any questions or concerns, drop me an ask or message.

Delphi doesn’t need much, just someone around for at least some of the day so she doesn’t feel all alone and possibly tear things up. You’re free to go out and shop or whatever, as long as there’s nothing overnight and you're fully masked-up and socially distanced. I just want it to be like someone lives there full time (plus I feel better not leaving my apartment empty for a month).

My apartment has wifi, a full-size fold-out guest bed, a kitchen (with stove, oven, microwave, and toaster), a shower/bath, private toilet, and washer/dryer. It’s also right across the street from a train station that is only 1-3 stops away from Ikebukuro, Shinjuku, and Shibuya (all of which are also walkable within an hour or so if you’re up for it). There is a convenience store next door, along with an Anytime Fitness gym (which your membership allows you to visit, if you have one in your home country) and a 2-story grocery store across the street. Super convenient!

You’d essentially get a free room for the duration of your stay, and hotels in Tokyo can get expensive! If possible, I’d prefer someone I’ve met before or at least interacted with (or if someone I do know can vouch for you, that’s great). If you’ll be around Tokyo before then and want to meet up (socially distanced lol), that’s cool too!

Drop me an ask or message if you can help look after my naughty child! Signal boosting is VERY MUCH appreciated! I'll be reblogging this post periodically looking for takers.

#delphi

[sally-mun]

On Thursday I had to go to bed very early, because the next day was Black Friday and I was scheduled to open my current store, much earlier than usual shopping hours. I had to get up at 4:30, meaning that I needed to go to bed by 8:00, 9:00 at the latest. As a result I ended up having to miss out on my weekly game group, which meets on Thursday nights. This night was going to be a special Thanksgiving event, but I didn’t get to go.

Friday was Black Friday, which is probably enough said, but in addition to the usual reasons the day sucks I also ended up feeling sick to my stomach. We haven’t been able to get any more of my usual coffee brand for a couple of months and just ran out of our supply, so I had to start a new one, and I figured I’d really need it for the day since, well, Black Friday and all. Unfortunately not all coffees are created equal and this one ended up making me really queasy. Made the day harder than it already necessarily was.

Saturday I had to get up at 4:30 again because for some reason the mall decided it would run the same hours as Black Friday. Went in with no coffee this time, which is almost as shitty as going in with bad coffee but in a different way. The first associate that comes in to work with me ends up getting a call while at work, and she casually mentions that family members who were at her house for Thanksgiving have now tested positive for covid. She doesn’t seem concerned about this at all and just keeps casually replying that it’s fine, her family didn’t catch it. It sounded like she wasn’t quite clear on how the incubation period works and I tried to explain that she should at least be on guard and maybe get tested after a few days to see if anything comes up, but she’s continually unconcerned. I’m kind of disarmed by her nonchalant dismissal, but ultimately there’s really nothing for me to do. Even if they did catch it, it’s only been two days, so she wouldn’t be symptomatic or contagious yet. I drop a text to the assistant manager who’d be in later that day to make them aware of the situation, tho. She calls me back maybe an hour or so later to ask for more details, then asks me how traffic has been. I explain that it’s been surprisingly dead for being the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and she says I can send the associate home on the basis of it being dead, then, since there was another employee in by now as well. I do as instructed, then fill her in on any additional details once she gets in for her shift a little later.

Sunday our fridge broke down, probably sometime in the night. When I left for work that day I thought the things I pulled out felt surprisingly less chill than usual, but just figured it wasn’t getting as cold because the fridge was so full of leftovers. I later get a text while at work that it’s completely broken, everything in the freezer is ruined, and my family is scrambling to try to safe the rest in coolers or by storing it outside in the garden bin or the trunk of the car, since it’s so cold out. I’m also informed that the fridge now reeks from the food that did get ruined. I can’t tell if I’m more upset about what’s happening or the fact that my family has to deal with it alone and I can’t help them.

Monday we were supposed to get a new fridge; we did not. There was good new at least in that the one they’d be delivering the next day would be brand new and bigger than our old one, but the bad news is that the life raft of using coolers only lasts for so long, and we have to throw away more food. All of the Thanksgiving leftovers are thrown away. It’s probably at least 2/3rds of the total food that we made. We’d intended to eat a bit more and then pack up the rest into portion-sized packs and freeze them as ready-to-go meals that could be warmed up on short notice or taken as a lunch to a shift at work. In total between Monday and Sunday we lose a couple hundred dollars’ worth of food.

Tuesday the new fridge comes, but the guy backing up the truck isn’t properly paying attention and crashes into our garden bin while backing up. The bin is still functional, but definitely broken. More issues ensue as they try to bring the fridge inside, resulting in a huge gash across the front of our brand new fridge. The doors are also facing the wrong way, but we already know that’s an easy fix, so shouldn’t be a big deal. The maintenance manager says it’s getting close to lunchtime for his team, so he’ll send someone back in an hour to flip the doors. An hour goes by and no one shows up, and I’m getting anxious because I need to eat something before I go to work that day and I’m trying wait for this to get done first so I can stay out of the guy’s way. I decide to go ahead and make my food after 15 minutes because I’m very hungry at this point and HAVE to have something. The guy finally shows up about half an hour late, and waltzes straight into our house bare-faced while I’m still warming up my food. Last I knew they’re supposed to wear masks when working inside someone’s home, so I asked him if that’s still the rule. He pauses and says it’s up to the tenant, and I said I’d feel more comfortable if he had a mask. He says he has one in his truck and he can go get it, but as he passes he grumbles that if I’m going to require it I should say something before the person comes in. I’m stare at him and respond that I didn’t expect someone to come in without one. He returns with his mask, and I retreat to sit in the living room with my partially-prepared food. I figure I’ll eat as far as I can downstairs while he flips the doors, then do the rest when he leaves. For some reason this guy faffs around with the fridge for an hour and a half; flipping the doors should only take 10 minutes, 20 minutes tops. A significant portion of this time is spent with both doors completely off the fridge, which had just spent the last hour+ getting cold, so now all of that is completely undone. He’s still not finished by the time I have to get ready for work, so I ask my mom if she’ll pack up the rest of my food once he leaves. I go to work still hungry.

That same night I come home and discover that my computer is stuck in a blue screen loop. Earlier that day when I had gone downstairs to make my food, I had only intended to be down long enough TO make the food, so I didn’t put my computer to sleep. Normally that’s fine because it’ll go to sleep on its own after half an hour, but it’s been having some issues lately, and it looked like it had gotten hung up trying to enter sleep mode. I attempted to wake it back up, but nothing worked, since it never properly went to sleep I assume. I waited as long as I could for it to come back, but nothing happened, and I couldn’t leave it in limbo like this if I was about to leave for work, so unfortunately I had to give it an improper shutdown. When I tried to start it that night after getting home, however, it got stuck in a loop of trying to fix itself after the improper shutdown (which is normal for that) and then getting a blue screen error and rebooting to try again. Rinse and repeat. Googling on my phone suggested that this was a memory issue and was fixable, but I couldn’t even get into safe mode TO fix it. I’m now currently stuck without my PC, which I either have to pay to repair or buy a new one completely, which I’ve now completely missed the right opportunity for because it’s now past both Black Friday and Cyber Monday. In addition, the computer chair I was sitting in completely busted apart while I was sitting in it trying to fix all this. Literally the left side completely detached and I couldn’t sit comfortably in it at all.

Today at work my store manager pulled me aside into the back room to ask about the issue with the associate on Saturday, since she hadn’t worked that day. I figured she was following up, so I took her through the events of the conversation with the associate, then the conversation with the assistant manager. I’m then confused because my manager starts talking about various things that I have to consider when sending someone home and what the rules are about preventing someone from working due to covid, and I realize mid-conversation that this is a disciplinary discussion. I’m even more confused because, as I pointed out, I sent the associate home at the assistant’s behest. My manager then says that, according to the assistant, I had made the decision to send the associate home myself, and that she was claiming uninvolvement because “the associate was already gone when she got in.” I told her, yes, the associate was already gone when she got in because she freaking called me and instructed me to send the associate home prior to her own shift. For some reason despite all this, my manager continues with her points of things that I need to think about and account for if I’m sending someone home, as though my judgement had at all come into play in this situation. She goes on to say that she had to discuss this situation with HER boss, the district manager, because it could be a legal matter to deny someone their work hours because of covid if they aren’t symptomatic and such. I tell her, AGAIN, that I wasn’t planning on sending her home at all and wasn’t even the one that brought the idea up. Even if the associate has indeed caught covid from her exposure, it was only two days ago at the time, so there was no risk that day. I had only texted the assistant because I felt obligated to pass the information up the food chain, because if it turns out the associate DOES have covid and it comes up that I knew and didn’t say anything, that seemed like a bigger offense. My manager doesn’t give me a formal write-up for this because I guess the water is too muddy at this point, but I’m so fucking pissed because my hunch is that the assistant was getting a similar talking, realized she fucked up, and then threw me under the bus to save herself. I specifically accept the offer for this job because my trust had been so severely breached at my last one, and this is exactly the kind of shit that I don’t want to put myself through anymore.

Tomorrow I’m taking my PC in to the technician. I have no idea what this is going to cost me or how long it’ll be before I know anything. All I know is that I’m going to end up missing out on my game group’s session tomorrow night, again, for the second week in a row. I’m also going to miss out on a livestream I was scheduled to be on for Friday, because I can’t play the game I was supposed to be helping with.

So basically this has been a pretty horrendous week+ and I’m having a very bad time. I hope you all are doing better because I wouldn’t wish this shit on anyone.

#fuck my gay life #don't mind me