#90% legs 9% hair 1% braincell | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yuckitup-jwd · 4 years

Text

Blonde FAQS

Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE PUT HER FINGER OVER THE NAIL WHEN SHE WAS HAMMERING? A: The noise gave her a headache. Q: How do you drown a blond? A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. A2: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? A: For throwing out the W's. Q: How did the blonde burn her nose? A: Bobbing for french fries. Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts? A: Change. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back. Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes? A: The back of her head. Q: How do blonde braincells die ? A: Alone. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? A: Blow in her ear. Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence? A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear! Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A BLONDE BUSY ALL DAY? A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner. Q: HOW DID THE BLONDE DIE ICE FISHING? A: She was run over by the zambonis machine. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you? A: Tell her she's pregnant. Q: What will she ask you? A: "Is it mine?" Q: How does a blonde kill a fish? A: She drowns it. Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat? A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row. Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A BLONDE THROWS A PIN AT YOU? A: Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth. Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE GOLFER WITH AN IQ OF 125? A: a foursome. Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law? A: An air bag. Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs? A: To avoid the draft. Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday. Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought. Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? A: Because it said 'concentrate'. Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE BAKE A CHICKEN FOR 3 AND A HALF DAYS? A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125. Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? A: She heard that the drinks were on the house. Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week? A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday. Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ELVIS AND SMART BLONDES? A: Elvis has been sighted. Q: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A SHOPPING CART? A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her. Q: How does a blonde get pregnant? A: And I thought blondes were dumb! Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno! Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears? A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads. Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life? A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet. Q: WHAT CAN SAVE A DYING BLONDE? A: Hair transplants. Q: WHAT ARE THE WORST SIX YEARS IN A BLONDE'S LIFE? A: Third Grade. Q: WHAT DID THE BLONDE SAY ABOUT BLONDE JOKES? A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans. Q: WHAT DID THE BLONDE THINK OF THE NEW COMPUTER? A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV. Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common? A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any. Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist? A: Marriage. Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You don't. They're born that way. Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms? A: They're too hard to peel. Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? A: Proofreading. Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID? A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet. Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.) Q: How do you keep a blonde busy? A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper. Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde? A: "Space. The final frontier......" Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team? A: Just One... Boomer Esiason. Q: What's brown and red and black and blue? A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes. Q: How does the blonde car pool work? A: They all meet at work at 7:45. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? A: Her IQ goes up! Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England? A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock. Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes? A: They always forget the recipe. Q: Did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds? A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord. Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE DOCTOR? A: She shaved her patients, then took off their clothes. Q: DID YOU HEAR BOUT THE BLONDE WHO COULN'T WAIT TO SEE "20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA"? A: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams. Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE WHO STOOD IN FRONT OF A MIRROR WITH HER EYES CLOSED? A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep. Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEW FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL FOR BLONDES? A: They take off their makeup. Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer? A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold. Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs? A: She fell out of the tree. Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek? A: One. Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ? A: She didn't know what ONE came first... Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone? A: Divorced. Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit? A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer! Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: She threw it off a cliff. Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree. Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? A: The cow fell on her. Q: How did the blonde burn her nose? A: Bobbing for french fries. Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? A: There's white-out on the screen. Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? A: There's writing on the white-out. Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries? A: She has a checkbook. Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde? A: There is a stamp on it. Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds." Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon. A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home. Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?? A: Because they can understand them. Q: Why do blondes like lightning? A: They think someone is taking their picture. Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? A: From eating with forks. Q: Why do blondes have more fun? A: Because they don't know any better. *A: They are easier to keep amused. Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs? A: Because they can spell it. Q: Why do blondes drive VW's A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!! Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails? A: To cover up the valve stem. Q: Why do blonds have square boobs? A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box. Q: Why do Blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes? A: Toes go in first. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables! Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads. Q: Why don't blondes double recipes? A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees. Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists? A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter. Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? A1: They can't remember the number. A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives? A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1". Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas? A: They can't find the zipper. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? A: Because they can't get their head in the jar. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? A1: "What's a lightbulb?" A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!" Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine? A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!" Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747? A: Not everyone has been in a 747 Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes? A: A brunette with bad breath. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde. A2: None of them, two don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first? A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been spotted. Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner? A: Reservations. Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth? A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine? Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on? A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear? A: "Thanks for the refill!" Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair? A: Last years hide and go seek winner. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes? A: A whine cellar. Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground? A: An air mattress. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? A: An Air Bag. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A: A mental block. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? A: A dope ring. Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW? A: Divorcee' Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning? A: A visitor. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted! Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? A: Frosted Flakes. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A: A Space Invader. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? A: Branch Manager. Q: What do you call a smart blond? A1: A golden retriever. A2: An indicator of a really bad hangover. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up. Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what? Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side. Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU? A: Too many blondes were drowning. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK". Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? A: In case she locks the keys in her car. Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A: To turn the blinker off. Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? A: To see what was on the other side. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian? A: Because she loved children. Q: Why did the blond take her typewriter to the doctor ?? A: She thought it was pregnant becaus missed a period. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years. Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms. Q: Why does it work? A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?" Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office? A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps! Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon? A: A vacant possession. Q: Why did she finally pass her test? A: She took the examiner with her Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver? A: She missed the Earth! Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives? A: The vegetable garden. Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag? A: One. Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon? A: Far-from-thinkin Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer? A: She slipped off and fell down the drain. Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth? A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke List. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!" Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra? A: Spot. Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group? A: Air Supply. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A1: So brunettes can remember them. A2: So men can understand them.

#blondefaqs #BlondeJokes #questionandanswerjokes

0 notes