Messy!Eddie & Fixer!Buck
I’m SO ready for Messy!Eddie. We know he’s coming to an episode near us soon and I can’t wait. A*a said it’s eddie’s mess now during their breakup. When all of eddie’s emotional/trauma stuff really breaks the surface, buck is going to want to swoop in and try to fix things. Eddie already foreshadowed that fact in the balcony talk, but Buck 3.0 is going to have to learn the difference between fixing people’s problems and instead just being there for the person while they navigate things for themselves.
Hen foreshadowed the importance of that too in her 502 conversation with chim about maddie, and we know that maddie and eddie are somewhat paralleled at this point in the season. She’s using distance right now, actively pushing chim away, but eddie is more subtle in his distancing. Focusing as much as possible on buck and his problems and avoiding his own. The “don’t string a*a along” 502 conversation was big for them because buck begged eddie not to shut him out and by doing that he stumbled on an emotional issue that was causing eddie to panic. They still haven’t revisited how eddie is doing after all that. I hope we get to see (buck and) eddie address it.
Buck’s gotta develop and hone a (somewhat but not completely) new way of helping, one that he’s not super used to at the level of intimacy he’s cultivating with eddie. Because buck’s the guy who uses his skills and resources to devise fixes (i.e., connecting eddie and carla, stealing the fire truck in the crossover, giving maddie a place to stay, etc.), I think he’s going to struggle with the idea of “not being able to do much” but be there for/with eddie through all the messiness while eddie sorts it out himself. I mean really that’s all any of us do, we seek support while we sort our shit. Other people can’t really fix our psychoemotional problems per se.
Buck’s self-worth struggles are a part of what will make that hard at first because he doesn’t see value and worth in himself as a person just being there. I think he knows intellectually that just being there matters, but he doesn’t emotionally understand it fully if he’s the one who’s presence is wanted/desired.
Eddie’s balcony talk with buck about maddie (which was really about himself) will come full circle when eddie let’s buck in more fully AND when buck realizes that he can step up in a semi-new way to take care of eddie. Showing up with all his love but without trying to fix things. Skills and resources are dope but so is being supportive as a sounding board or gentle confrontation or validation/reassurance. I love buck but eddie fills this role for buck more often than we see the reverse.
Although a big part of that is eddie’s tendency to downplay his emotional needs.
When we finally get to the point where buck understands that messy!eddie wants him around and trusts him enough to have him around when he’s hurting out loud, that’s when this buddie rollercoaster ride is gonna get even more interesting. I’m so frickin’ here for it!! Let the healing continue!!
And now two fun buddie gifs for punctuation…
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You know what I think we should talk about?
I think we should talk about the fact they have carefully shown us Buck not touch Eddie, I can’t even think of a shoulder brush, this season.
I think we should talk about how Eddie has touched Buck to ground himself during a near panic attack during a call.
The last time Buck touched Eddie was when he was holding the blood in his body. And then the doctors whisked him away.
Let’s talk about that.
Nonnie, you are speaking my language and the language of every single person in this fandom who loves angst. Because goddamnit, yes. Buck was literally holding Eddie together with his very hands, and jhghjg okay, slightly different context, but I actually wrote a Buddie fic about the cognitive dissonance Buck must experience, between how strong and capable he is, and how difficult it must be for him in situations where he's still helpless to save others.
akfdjasd I just realized I posted that 22 whole days before 414 aired! But fuck, it fits so well, and when you think about that mental distress that contrast produces, at no time would it be greater than when Buck can't save Eddie or Chris! We saw that in 303 and in 414, and God, kill me now. Why do they give me all the feels!?
But Chris back in s3 was physically okay, Buck didn't have to watch him get hurt or try to hold him together with his bare hands. He had to do that for Eddie. The guy who more than anyone else has injected Buck's life with new meaning and purpose and love and a sense of belonging, and to hold his injured body, to try to keep all that together with inadequate hands, I'm sorry, but I'm amazed at how strong Buck actually is, that he didn't completely fall apart. And what's the one thing that kept him from that, that kept him going and functioning to the best of his ability? That he had to take care of Chris. He was taking care of their son before he even knew that legally speaking, Chris was theirs, not just Eddie's. I am...
So then it makes so much sense why Buck would be cautious about touching Eddie, feeling unworthy, maybe? Scared of the effect the touch would have on him? And that just reminds me of the one and only, the bard, ol’ Will Shakespeare himself. "If I profane with my unworthiest hand / This holy shrine..." 911, let Buddie resolve this like Romeo and Juliet did, with Eddie assuring Buck his hands are worthy, and with a kiss... is that too much to ask for!?
akdfjha Nonnie, thank you so much for this ask and my apologies for devolving into an emotional mess. Buddie have that effect on me... I hope you're doing well! xoxox
To anyone who sent me an ask, I am going through all of them, thank you so much for your patience! If you wanna check whether I've replied to yours yet, you can have a look at my ask tag. xoxox
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Thinking about….how Buck describes the 118 after Chimney leaves. How there’s this big thing nobody is talking about even though they all miss him and it feels awkward and he feels like it’s his fault, that he failed somehow and that if he had done something sooner he could have changed things and kept his 118 family happy.
Thinking about how that’s exactly how the Buckleys made him feel growing up. How he didn’t realize it until recently but that there was a big Daniel sized hole that everyone was skirting around and refusing to acknowledge, and how he was a constant reminder of the failure to keep Daniel alive.
Thinking about how part of Buck must be thinking about it, even subconsciously, that there’s another brother who he’s “failed” and his solution to that is to turn around and accept Ravi into the family and then say that he’s going to let him replace him. How part of Buck always feels like he’s the replacement and his job is to make everyone else happy and keep them together. Thinking about how much Buck loves his family, all of them, and how much that shines through.
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no okay I literally just made a funny post about this, but I actually have thoughts about it now because once again there is like SO MUCH DISTANCE between buck and eddie and it has happened so much lately?
ever since the shooting, they keep having these big emotional conversations that are at the core of it so incredibly close and intimate but there is always so so so much physical space between them? and it is starting to feel really pointed?
like obviously we have the will scene and that very intentional space between them that made that scene hit even harder and then we have that talk about ana and the christening from different sides of the pool table and then we have them at the hospital talking about eddie’s ‘heart attack’ again with a very deliberate space in between them and then we have the conversation where eddie comes clean about the panic attacks again lots of space between them and then the scene in the locker room AGAIN so much space between them and now the balcony scene with so so so much space between them when eddie could be standing so much closer to buck?
something about being emotionally AND physically close being too much too handle something about them being so physically far apart during the shooting by force something something control something something about the contrast to scenes like ‘nobody I trust with my son more’ and eddie physically reaching for and touching buck and the rough physcial closeness of buck dragging eddie and lifting him and keeping him alive with his touch and eddie touching buck’s shoulder after the heart attack guy when buck is focused somewhere completely else and it is only physical closeness not emotional one and then something about the fact that they will be SEPARATED at work and struggling
and something that is just a feeling that I can’t figure out just yet, someone please share some thoughts on this because I am losing my mind
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Eddie Diaz and the symbolic meaning of his St. Christopher Medallion
I AM SCREAMING. GUYS!! Ok so I saw @eddie-diass post regarding Eddie’s St.Christopher necklace and the meaning behind him wearing it. I was discussing theories with @ktinaj and we realized we’ve never seen the actual medal up close.
Ok so some backstory on what St. Christopher represents. Saint Christopher was a large figure who later became known as the patron saint of travelers (x). As Shannon said to Eddie when she gave it to him in “Eddie Begins”, “To protect you, keep you safe. And to remind you you have a family to come home to.” His response was that, “No matter what happens, I’m always gonna fight to come home to my family.” Eddie kept that medal close to his heart while he was at war and the show really did showcase the importance of family to Eddie by using that medal.
Later, when Ana asks Eddie at Christopher’s show and tell if the medal is his good luck charm, he replies with, “No, he is” while smiling at his son. We never see Eddie wearing it before or after “Eddie Begins”, only in the flashbacks. So, it can represent family for Eddie. His son is his goodluck charm, and he keeps him close to his heart.
In the same article, Tina came across a part where St. Christopher was a popular saint for people growing up in the 40’s, ‘50s, & ‘60s, especially surfers in California. “Surfers wore St. Christopher’s for protection in the ocean and gave the medallions to their boyfriends and girlfriends as a sign of going steady.” Now why is this important? Well we know Christopher was taking surfing lessons because we saw a hand drawn card made for Buck that represented him and Buck with a surfboard in 3.01. We also know that Buck and Christopher were caught in a tsunami, and Buck carried Christopher through the ocean waters to safety. Now this circles back to who Saint Christopher was. He literally “carried a child, on his shoulders across an impassable river and delivered the child safely.” Upon looking at a St. Christopher medallion, we see it’s literally a man who had a smaller child on his shoulders. Eddie has been wearing a medal that has a man (Buck) carrying a younger boy (Christopher) around his neck as a symbol of what he fights to go home to.
The only time we have seen Eddie wear the medal besides “Eddie Begins” is when he’s telling Buck about his will. It’s very prominent and in the middle of his black shirt, once more symbolizing his connection to his son. This, to me, showcases Eddie’s acceptance of Buck into his family. He wears it proudly as a symbol of his love and devotion to both Christopher and Buck.
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A concept: Buck Knows™️
The lingering glances, Eddie's reluctance with Ana. It's why he pushes, though he tries not to push too hard. He knows the shit Eddie's been through, is going through, his tried and tested "loads more people have it worse," and "I can't afford to break down," and "move forward, forward, forward, always." The trouble is with moving forward sometimes you don't look where you're going, and Buck—Buck's been there. So yeah, he knows. Just like he knows that sometimes all it takes to look down, to take stock of yourself, to really figure out where and who you want to be, is someone else showing you how.
He breaks up with Taylor. He tells the 118 the next night over dinner, and Chim whistles, says something like, "tough break, kid. Plenty more fish in the sea."
Hen's rolling her eyes. "Women aren't fish."
"Neither are men." Everyone's looking at Buck. He looks at everyone but Eddie. "Um, I'm bi?" And there's a moment of silence, then laughter and smiles all round, and "thanks for telling us," (Hen) and "oh so the firefighter calendar was more than just the ego stroke?" (Chim and, well, he's not wrong)
Only now does Buck look at Eddie, and smile. He gets one in return.
When their shift ends Buck takes his time and so does Eddie and then it's just the two of them. "That was, um, brave. At dinner," Eddie says. Buck shrugs.
"I guess. It mostly felt like a relief."
"You weren't... scared? How we would take it?" And Eddie is holding his hoodie between his hands, stilled in the act of getting changed.
"No." Buck shuts his locker. "Because you're my family. I knew they'd love me no matter what." He nudges Eddie's elbow with his own, spurs him into action, watching as he pulls the hoodie over his head. "I knew you would," he finishes softly when Eddie’s poked his head out and his hair's sleepy and dishevelled. He's looking at Buck like he never wants to look away.
But Buck can't take that step for him.
He has to want to do it himself.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Eddie." And he's smiling, the whole drive home.
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do y’all ever think about that long pause Eddie took in between “you act like you’re expendable……….but you’re wrong”
do you think it’s because the thought of Buck in that hospital bed is more painful than the wound in his chest, the idea that Buck truly believes that no one wouldn’t be affected if Buck had been the one shot
do you just think he’s watched Buck every day since the day Buck said those words to the day he was discharged, wondering how he was gonna make sure Buck really understands how vital he is
do you think it’s because he’s finally reached a point where he needs to let Buck know how important he is to them in words no less than that and he just doesn’t have the energy to keep trying to pretend that Buck isn’t the second-most important person in his life after his son
do you think it’s because he knows Buck’s spent his entire life looking for people who love him for him and even though he has them now, he can’t ever trust it, and Eddie knows that he’s got something that has even the slightest chance of easing some of that doubt
do you think it’s because the thought of Buck thinking himself as expendable hurts him somewhere he doesn’t really understand but he just knows that he’s gotta make sure that Buck knows that he isn’t
do you think “you’re wrong” is Eddie trying to stay firm and gentle and anything that will get the message to sink because he never wants to hear Buck say something like that again
do you just think that pause is Eddie’s way of carefully trying not to reveal too much because it’s like playing Pandora’s box with his emotions
do you just think that pause is him trying to find the most appropriate word he can for just how much he hates the thought of Buck throwing himself in the line of fire because he thinks he has nobody, but he’s got Chris and Eddie, and the guardianship is only one way for Eddie to show him that
do you think after the shooting, things change between them. Eddie’s more free with his words around Buck, and Buck’s more settled in his skin, willing to let someone else take the harder jobs at times
do you think it’s these choice words from Eddie that bring Buck back to himself, the way Eddie always seems to see him for who he really is, not these roles he plays
“there’s nobody in this world i trust with my son, more than you”
“i had to do it” “I know you did”
“it’s in my will, if I die, you become Christopher's legal guardian.”
[about the possibility of refusing guardianship] “you know I wouldn’t” “I know you wouldn’t”
“no one will ever fight for my son as hard as you. that is what i want for him”
do you think about how sure and sound Eddie is when he says these things to Buck, because he and Chris are Buck’s family, and Buck’s theirs
do you just…think
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“Or…you don’t know [Maddie] the way [Chim] does.”
This line…The way it emphasizes that romantic partners know each other differently than everyone else around them. And coming from Eddie? To Buck?
Hasn’t the whole crux of BuckandEddie since last season been the fact that they know each other better than anyone else? In 4x14, after Buck’s crane stunt, every single person scolded him for it and got his reason for doing it completely wrong (“reckless,” “crazy,” “invincible”). Not Eddie. Eddie was the only one who pushed deeper and understood why Buck said what he said/does what he does (“expendable”).
In 5x02, Buck is the only one who clocks Eddie’s panic attack. When Eddie’s entire (ex-)girlfriend is standing right there, it’s Buck who notices something is off with Eddie. And when they talk about it, he digs deeper into Eddie’s statement about sticking things out for Chris, and his “is that enough?” is already enough to make Eddie question himself, but then he also feels comfortable to say “I have been Ana” to emphasize that the relationship is unfair to Ana. He says it because he knows that Eddie knows how horrible his experience dating Abby was, and he knows that Eddie would never willingly do that to someone. And…it works.
So, yeah. “Or…you don’t know [Maddie] the way [Chim] does” gave me pause when I was watching last night. Because they’re romantic partners, they know each other intimately, and it’s a beautiful sentiment that they know each other that way. And because no one knows Eddie like how Buck knows him. And no one knows Buck like how Eddie knows him.
And doesn’t that just speak volumes?
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Eddie showed his concern in his own way during "Buck Begins". He didn't freak out externally like Buck did for him, or reassure him like Hen, Bobby, and Athena did. This is Eddie, that is just not what he does (no matter how much we wish it was).
No, he waited silently in the back. He let everyone check over Buck first, he let everyone else have their moment with him, he let Buck go to the hospital and get a clean bill of health, he stood back and watched everyone else be reassured, and THEN after he knew everyone else would have seen him did Eddie finally allow himself to see Buck. Eddie is calm, collected, and selfless, he would never have immediately jumped over everyone else to be the first one to check over Buck.
Instead, he waited until he knew they would be alone, no prying eyes, no one around to listen, and then he joked with Buck. He joked because that is how Eddie responds to the trauma (we have witnessed several times this being Eddie's response mechanism, i mean "at least it's not a tsunami?"). He joked to check Buck's response and make sure Buck was not hurt emotionally or psychologically.
Eddie waited and checked to make sure Buck was okay, he waited, he stood at the door and waited for Buck and Bobby to show up so he could finally get his own reassurance. Then, only once he knew Buck was okay, did he joke and made sure Buck was okay and healthy, the only way Eddie knows how. Eddie watched Buck carefully with so much fondness and care in his eyes it was heart warming.
And then, Eddie decided to warn Buck that his parents were there. He warned Buck so he would not be blindsided, he warned Buck because he didn't want Buck getting hurt again, he warned Buck because he wanted Buck to be able to decide whether or not to see his parents. Eddie wanted the interaction to be on Buck's terms because Buck deserves that, especially after all that has happened.
So Eddie does care, Eddie showed his care, just not in the same way as everyone else, he showed it in his own Eddie way, and it was beautiful.
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suit store meta
okay buckle up. i rewatched the clip and some of the premiere again because, like i said, there was SO much we were given here it’s unreal. i’m gonna write meta for other parts of the episode, but this scene is just. *chef’s kiss*
first, let’s define what the suit represents for the purposes of the narrative:
to be concise, it seems to be a sort of physical manifestation of the traditional family and their traditional roles within that structure.
i. (pool scene)
we’re “introduced” to the suit shopping scene with the firefam. eddie mentions that “[chris] even agreed to let [eddie] buy him a new suit.” so, at this stage, we’re not exactly being led to believe that chris is going to behave any differently than just a regular tween who has to go clothes shopping with their parent.
however! the part that was particularly notable about this scene—or, rather, the dialogue that was notable was when eddie mentions that the old suit is something chris had outgrown. and (even more notably!) he says that the last time chris wore that suit was for shannon’s funeral. there’s several things i want to comment on with respect to both these statements.
grief does this thing where you have very specific associations with objects or events and everything is shoved post or pre-[loved one’s death]. i think that, to some degree, that was the sentiment the dialogue was referencing.
with respect to eddie’s current relationship status, i think both those lines (working in tandem) demonstrate that chris is ready for a new stage in his and his father’s life. he’s outgrown needing the traditional structure with the picture-perfect mom and dad figures, and he’s ready to move forward.
ii. (suit store)
the things that hits you in the face here, first of all, is that this “new suit” that ana chose for eddie appears to be nearly identical to the one that eddie wore when he was proposing to shannon again (and she wanted to divorce him in that same dinner).
to contrast, eddie wore a different suit in s2 when he was getting interviewed for christopher’s school. as such, i don’t think this is like. the only suit that eddie owns but a clear reference to where he simply is not on the same page as the woman standing in front of him.
i would also like to note, as an aside, that in 4x13 when eddie was fluffing up the pillows before carla came over, he says that he “wants everything to be perfect” and asks “how does it look” (or something to that degree) and ana responds “it looks .... exactly the same?” hmm...
now for the actual cinematography and dialogue:
the first shot of ana and eddie is with eddie standing in front of a mirror with ana behind him.
the other times that 911 has used mirrors: maddie is looking in a mirror when speaking to chimney, and we’re getting hints that she’s developing ppd.
additionally, when buck is washing the engine in buck begins, and maddie is looking at him through it.
based off of these reference points (in trying to understand how 911 specifically chooses to use mirrors), i believe that they’re meant to represent a point a character’s arc when they need to self-reflect as a result of being disingenuous with themselves. mirrors portray false images.
while looking in the mirror, eddie says “i’m not the one supposed to be getting a new suit today.” there’s an additional statement that eddie makes where he says “you really love getting me dressed up, don’t you?”
in threading through the symbolism we’ve attached for both the mirrors and the suit, it seems that ana is putting eddie into a “traditional” role, and he needs to open his eyes and actually see what’s going on. he has done a piss poor job of acknowledging his emotional state in this relationship, and now it’s finally time for him to do so. other things to note about his disposition:
he acquiesces to ana’s decision to get a new suit in the first place (although he seems hesitant... he’s always unsure around her. See post-anxiety attack scene with cardiologist)
he also acquiesces when ana gets him a tie, and it’s at that moment where his panic attack starts to pick up (i’ll address the whole “mom” thing a bit further down)
he’s constantly unsure around ana. did i say that already? idk but his “sure” (and then, more importantly in the hospital scene, saying “everything is great, right?”) and THEN the contrast to his complete, unwavering confidence in buck and making buck chris’s guardian? insanity. we’re getting back to this in the panic attack section too, so keep it in your thoughts
as we’ve discussed, chris was made out to be no more apprehensive than a typical tween when eddie tells the firefam that “[chris] agreed to let [eddie] buy him a new suit.” however! it’s clear that chris is rejecting the shopping trip entirely once we see him actually trying on the new clothes.
the dialogue is more or less the following:
chris: “i think i look funny”
eddie: “chris, this is the third one.”
chris: “i look terrible”
again, taking the suit as a symbol for traditional roles (and thus, traditional family structures), we see chris expressing that:
he feels unnatural and out-of-place ( “i think i look funny”) as well as outright uncomfortable ( “i look terrible”). he has no desire to be wearing those suits (participating in a traditional type of family—aka no need for ana to be taking on a maternal role).
i would also like to note that when chris and eddie are speaking with one another, ana is once again shown on the outside!
then. oooooh fuck. then. we get to *dun dun duuun*:
iii. (panic attack)
wow. they did this. they really did this. they could’ve had eddie’s panic attack get triggered by a loud sound or flashing lights or anything remotely similar to something he experienced between the army and getting shot in 4x14.
but they didn’t. tim minear literally said the following:
Obviously he has been through a big trauma that he was almost killed, but I don’t think that’s really the cause of his panic attacks. It really is, here’s a woman who’s terrific. But it’s that thing where you look up and you don’t know that you’ve asked for this thing.
I think he’s panicking about that.
the panic attack is triggered by eddie realizing that no, this—a serious relationship with ana—is not what he wants. (he’s still struggling to pinpoint that, but we’ll get there, baby <3)
what’s more is we get an incredibly revealing statement from ana after the sales associate mistakes her for chris’s mom. she says:
“i’m... just a friend.”
and then hands eddie the tie she chose. i think interpreting that statement from her doesn’t require as much detailed analysis because like. we all get it. eddie has yet to trust her. with the little ounce of control that he has over this situation, he decides to put his foot down about chris knowing that they’re involved with each other (referencing also that scene in 4x08 (?) where there’s the guy on the roof, and athena and bobby tell eddie that he should come clean to chris about the relationship. well! looks like he didn’t!)
there’s something there too about eddie subconsciously trying to distance ana from being perceived as a parent figure in chris’s life as well.
and!! the last things i want to note in the panic attack itself
when eddie was shot in 4x13, he looked directly into buck’s eyes. this fucker was bleeding out in the middle of a fucking street and he used all his strength to find buck’s eyes and make aborted attempts to reach out to him.
when ana was looking over him, though? his eyes were looking everywhere but her. he also seems to be saying “call....”
which is...... something to think about. (i’m gonna live in my world where the end of that sentence is “buck”).
if u made it to the end, i’m kissing u directly on the mouth. <3
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Christopher is screaming for his dad just like the universe is screaming for Buck and Eddie.
There is a good reason to assume that Chris is Buck and Eddie's universe. That idea came from anon ask that I received in the last season. And I fall in love with this theory because it makes so much sense.
I think it's important to say that Christopher has a big role in Buck and Eddie's life and in their relationship. He admire both of them just as much as they admire him on the same level or even more. He can teach them more about the life then they are teaching him.
Therefore I think we all should be forced on his little comments about everything that relates to Buck and Eddie. It got me more attention to this especially from 5x02. Because what if Christopher's little comments are more then just a teasing. What if those are wake up calling?
I always sense that Christopher knows that his dad and Buck are pretty close and he always sees things that they are not aware of. So maybe he's just like his dad, want him to be happy and be natural about it but he is not fully understanding the complexity of this. Sometimes kids see things very simple, in the most honest and hopeful way. And I found it more beautiful and adorable and even refreshing because there's no hiding or being followed by some kind of rules. Most importantly they sense whatever their parents are feeling.
In the last two episodes, Christopher said those significant comments to his dad. The first one is after the panic attack and the second one is the cause of almost panic attack. I gotta be honest and say that I've been thinking about it since last week but I wasn't sure if it's has foundation well enough. And it happened again in this episode.
When Christopher said "and a firefighter " back in the hospital scene, I thought at first that it was about the allowance for being vulnerable in that position. Eddie is a hero for Christopher and maybe he was trying to remind him that it's okay to have emotions. Even Superman can cry. More so, it could be a reference to Eddie's wishes for Christopher as mentioned in 3x09 aka his therapy with Frank. It all can be true too but I want to add something to it after watching the newest episode and say that maybe it's a reference to Eddie's begin, back to his home after the argument with his parents. Eddie maybe did think about his son like he always did but this is the first time that he followed his heart. That is the wake up call for Eddie to remember his reasons for making their own futures without looking back, without asking for anything permission. Because they got each other and except each other for who they are.
When Christopher said "not yet" after Ravi was assuming by mistake that Ana was Eddie's wife. It was of course made Eddie a little bit freaked out. Because I think he was worried that Christopher may have thought about it deeply and maybe he was preparing himself to the next step. Sometimes kids and their parents have struggles with having a honest conversation. The fact that Buck was there is not a random choice and maybe that's what helped to Christopher to say it and to Eddie to calm down easily but also to finally face with his emotions. Because best friends share everything and they mostly know about each other more than themselves. This is a wake up call for Eddie to finally take a step and really follow his heart. Because "not yet " means "it's not too late ". It is a wake up call for him to do the best thing for himself this time. Time for him to be brave, to take risks and chances, to not be afraid of challenges. It's what Eddie need and even craving for. But most importantly this is what Chris crave for. Because he needs to know how real love looks like and how it should be . He needs to know that he can take risks and chances in order to have a better ending.
We all know that Eddie always thinks about Christopher and what best for him according to his parents' voices and the way he was raised by them but above all he always try to listen to him and do what he wants or needs without him having said it out loud. Now I think it's time that Christopher listen to his dad's wishes and be his deep voice that he had been so afraid of. Christopher will be the one who pull Eddie's true himself out.
Worth to mention that the welcoming scene is also a symbol of universe screaming for for buddie just like Christopher. Besides the hugs that were absolutely adorable. Christopher hugs Eddie on the right side and after that he hugs Buck on the left side. It only makes how much he loves them almost equally and how much place each one of them has in his heart also equally. Just like how a healthy relationship with the parents should be. Even the top that Christopher was wearing is there empower this symbol . Red and blue, aka the theme of the show, and yet again the universe itself.
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Buddie & TPTB
Before I get into it: Queer shit just happens and characters don’t necessarily need to provide receipts for queer desire. Queerness can evolve for a character, with an unexpected moment/encounter catalyzing a self-discovery process. Then before you know it, the character learns something about themselves that they didn’t know before. This is a thing that happens irl, why not on tv.
That said, I desperately want Buck and Eddie to have that kind of love story. I rambled on about that in a previous post. I think it would/could be realistic, compelling, and fun. I also think it’s a pristine opportunity to use the power of storytelling to help the general audience understand the complexity and nuance of discovering one’s queerness later in life/without prior queer receipts.
We know that if/when tptb proclaim Buck and Eddie’s love story and start to show them as increasingly romantically involved, many general audience members are going to feel “blindsided”, and both low-key and high-key queerphobia are going to spike. Idec but I do...to a point.
I hope for better but I’m a frickin’ realist. There are already so many micro- and macro-aggressions perpetrated against the queer corners of fandom when it comes to Buddie. I have no delusions that Buck and Eddie exploring their evolving queerness on screen will be met with resounding positivity, support, and enthusiasm. Many will be okay or at least neutral but the phobes will emerge from their hidey-holes full force. I say bring it, because it’s time for a prominent queer mlm relationship on a network tv show that wasn’t planned to be queer from jump.
Anyway, the GA doesn’t read queer-coding and queer subtext like queer folks themselves do so the transition will likely shock the shit out of a lot of people, whether they decide to be aggressive angry hemorrhoids about it or not. Whatever happens, tptb have a golden opportunity to allow Eddie and Buck’s process of queer awakening and self-discovery to mirror/guide/inform the general audience, to a degree at least.
They can let Buck and Eddie ask and maybe fumble a bit with some of the same pressing questions the general audience has. The main GA questions that come immediately to my mind are:
Can Buck and Eddie develop queer attraction where they didn’t have or hadn’t realized it before?
Does Buck and Eddie’s deep and abiding love for one another have to be romantic and/or sexual? Can’t they just stay bros?
If they do realize that they want a romantic and/or sexual relationship with each other, what the hell do they do next?
Frankly, I think it’s a little harder to do this kind of story/character work if both Buck and Eddie are not in the same or similar boats when it comes to figuring out their feelings and desires. But still, even if it’s only one of them. there are rich possibilities. It’s just better if it’s both, in MY headcanon. YMMV.
Can you imagine the world if these assumed straight dudes (by themselves and others) awkwardly, but with determination and pure love, ask the above questions as a complex arc presented on screen, out loud?! If they get to explore separately and together what it means to have these feelings/desires for another man and all the beauty and challenges of that process???
I can practically see the authentic, heartfelt, but still maybe awkward moment when they say “I love you and I think I’m in love with you” then the other is like “We gotta be sure, right?” Of course they both know in their heart but they are hesitant. One says “maybe we should kiss? If we hate it then we can just go back to being bros”. Then these fools kiss and it’s electric. No more bro/comphet for these idiots. It’s scary, it’s amazing, it’s beautiful, it’s unexpected, and it’s also completely inevitable in a wild way that blows them both back. Whatever they decide in their romantic/sexual adventure, they can do whatever they want free and clear, sky’s the limit.
A combination of deep conversations and passionate exploration (as much as you can have on a network tv station, FOX no less!). Palpable moments of reckoning with what it all means, but first and foremost LOVE. IT’S ALL LOVE and it’s beautiful and they can’t deny it. They won’t deny it. They may decide to be reserved and thoughtful at first, especially with starting a physical relationship OR they may dive right in but still ask the tough questions at various points. Whatever happens, they ARE NOT COWARDS. They can’t not pursue this, and in so doing they could maybe bring at least a portion of the GA along for the ride.
Again I say, whether the GA accepts canon Buddie or not I want 911 to do this. I want Buddie. I want tptb to be bold enough and forward thinking enough to go there. But how they handle it could have a meaningful real world impact with a host of positive implications for the GA and more importantly for the diverse queer community represented in fandom, if tptb are thoughtful and intentional in the process.
Buddie deserves this! The queer fandom deserves this! If the GA/tptb are open-minded/intentional enough, the GA can come along for the ride. And OH what a mf ride!!!
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Love your metas! Question. Do you think we’re actually headed to Buddie canon this season? The first few eps I was convinced yes, now I’m not sure. For me to be convinced they would have to do something even the general audience will notice, and right now I still think they would assume Buck and Eddie are straight (with maybe some eyebrows raised over Eddie given the Ana breakup)
Hi Nonnie! Thank you for the lovely compliment and for the great ask!
I think this reply might partly answer your question? Basically saying that the road for a slow burn is long and it's hard to tell when a show will decide to take that turn towards making the ship happen. It's hard to know even with a ship that canonically has feelings involved. It's way worse when canon has only hinted, not explicitly said, something about feelings. And it's the worst when the ship is same-sex, meaning there are also some external considerations working against the ship going canon (like showrunners' fear of homophobic backlash for "turning a character gay", which is very different to having an established GLBTQ character). And you're right, currently Buddie are assumed to both be straight by the general audience, despite never explicitly identifying as such. I do think, however, that the latter can allow them to play with things a bit, for example at least one of them has always known he's bi, he just never felt the need so far to talk about it, while for the other guy, this would be a chance to recognize he's not as straight as he thought. It can be great material for the show to dig into!
I do think a LOT of signs are there for Buddie going canon in this season in the sense that it will admit on some level that at least one of the guys at least feels something other than platonic friendship for the other man. But I've watched in the past straight couples with established canon one-sided (or even mutual) feelings recognition, where all the signs were there, and the show still tormented the viewers for years over when the ship would materialize and whether it would... So I think there's a good chance we might get some canon confirmation of Buddie being not only friends, but I also think slow burns, especially for a popular ship on a successful show, are always about patience and knowing it will take time. So all I can say is, I have hope, and I also have a lot of patience, 'coz I know it's necessary with slow burns of this type!
Thank you again, lovely! Hope this helped! xoxox
To anyone who sent me an ask, I am going through all of them, thank you so much for your patience! If you wanna check whether I've replied to yours yet, you can have a look at my ask tag. xoxox
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I’ve made this joke in the tags a few times but I feel like it deserves its own post:
Ravi has a crush on his hot new coworker Buck, and he’s been trying to figure out what the fuck is going on between Buck and Eddie because seriously? Are they dating? Married? Exes? What is happening?
(More importantly, how does it affect his chances with his hot new coworker?)
Anyway, the more he interacts with them, the more confused he gets, and the whole scene with Buddiepher + Ana just made everything 5 million times more confusing.
Every time he asks someone what’s going on between them, they either laugh and walk away, or sigh and walk away, and he just wants someone to tell him what his chances are of getting railed by Buck.
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Thoughts on Taylor and Buck (and Eddie) in 4x14
For people worrying about bucktaylor.....I just want you to think about the moment Taylor first shows up in this episode. This is coming off half of season’s worth of episodes of Taylor and Buck building up a friendship. A close one too.
When Buck is reeling, panting like he's on the verge of a panic attack, still blinking back tears (and failing) like he's gonna break down sobbing at any moment. It's the most vulnerable moment of his life and he steps out of the hospital and spots Taylor near other press trying to get in.
And he doesn’t think "this is Taylor my friend, my safe space, who I go to when I'm vulnerable and need someone who loves me". He took one look at her and saw the moment she stabbed him in the back and was going to turn Bobby's worst moment into a news story. He looked at her and his face fell and his voice shook and he turned around to leave and he said "no comment".
I was surprised by this because we've seen Taylor become a close friend to him this season and for him to be pushing her away so hard in this scene, like he couldn’t allow himself to have this breakdown in front of her because she could potentially use it against him. It proves to me that although they are becoming friends, Taylor has not yet earned his entire trust back from her season 2 betrayals (and from her season 4 rejections). (Remind us of anyone else we know? *cough* Eddie and Shannon)
Taylor wanted to drive him to Chris and he refused. She had to push him, had to tell him he couldn't see Chris like this, bloodied and shaken, for him to agree. And even still when he’s in the presence of Christopher, one half of Buck’s ultimate safe space, he fucking loses it. I have more thoughts on Buck and the significance of him crying with Christopher later.
More under the cut:
Taylor is worrying about him the whole episode, but after this first moment he addresses her really nonchalantly. She's pissed at him for being reckless, she obviously is showing him she cares, and Buck is flirting. He's smiling and teasing Taylor and she's like??? I'm mad at you?? For endangering yourself?? Buck, who has been on the brink of collapse all episode, is putting on a brave face and pretending he's alright, even in front of Taylor.
And yeah it ends in a kiss but when it comes to the choice of chasing after Taylor (who’s essentially just shown that she does have feelings for Buck) or going to Eddie, Buck makes the choice to go to Eddie.
The very next scene we see Buck opening up to Eddie. Telling him that he broke down in front of Christopher, that he's sorry he failed Eddie and Chris like that, and that he wishes he had been shot instead of Eddie. Buck cracks open his heart and shows Eddie his insecurities, his darkest thoughts, his failures, his regrets. And how does Eddie respond?
He gives Buck the ultimate gift. But more on that later.
The next scene with Buck and Taylor involves Taylor coming back after she left after refusing to talk to Buck about her feelings for him.
Buck says "You came back. Wasn't sure that was going to happen." And that's because everyone who Buck has had a romantic relationship with thus far has left him, and he didn't think Taylor would be the one to break the cycle. Already she's fallen in line with everyone else having left the first time.
(Speculation: This is why I think Buck will be the one to end their relationship next season, or it will be implied that’s he the one who ended it.)
And again, how does Buck conduct himself in this scene? His face is light, he's laughing. And although he admits that "he spent a long time feeling like he wasn't enough" and although he attempts to be vulnerable here, this scene is still all about whether TAYLOR wants him. Whether she chooses to be with him. And even though Taylor says she does....she hasn't (yet) done anything to prove it. And I doubt in Buck's heart of hearts that he truly believes her.
Now, we get to Buck and Eddie's last and most powerful scene together. Because Eddie doesn't just say it. He proves it with his actions. Actions he made a whole ass year ago. And he decides to tell Buck now when he didn’t tell Buck then, because he saw this whole episode how Buck was consistently devaluing himself and his life. Buck thinks he’s expendable, thinks he’s a burden, thinks he doesn’t matter, thinks no one wants him (even AFTER the bucktaylor moment, mind you). And Eddie tells him to his face: “YOU’RE WRONG.”
By making Buck Christopher’s legal guardian should anything happen to Eddie, Eddie has not only proven how much he trusts Buck, but he has told him you’re essential, you matter, you’re a gift, and we want you in our lives no matter what.
Eddie has seen Buck at his worst. He’s seen Buck being petulant and childish and territorial, he’s seen Buck being reckless and diving into danger head first, he’s seen Buck being kinda dumb sometimes, he’s seen Buck after (to Buck) he lost Eddie’s son in a tsunami, seen Buck furious at his parents, and seen Buck feeling like all he was good for is “spare parts”. Eddie loved and trusted him through nearly losing Christopher, through the lawsuit, through the street-fighting, through nearly dying underground, through nearly dying on the street after getting shot. And Eddie still chose Buck through all of it. Each and every time. Still said, you are who I want for my son (and as it’s heavily implied: for himself).
And you can see it in Buck’s face in that last frame. When Eddie says it, Buck believes it.
So although the two bucktaylor kisses may feel like a loss to some, I think the whole of bucktaylor’s scenes in this episode just show such a stark contrast to the strength that is Buck’s relationship with Eddie. And I think that next season if Bucktaylor becomes a full on relationship, it will not last, and I still think we’re headed towards Buddie endgame.
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Buck’s Love Language and the difference between Taylor and Eddie understanding it:
As we all know, Buck’s main love language can be seen as Words of Affirmation. This is how he tends to understand love, since he lacked it so much growing up. His parents were never very verbal with their love, but Maddie was. So in order for Buck to understand whether or not he means something to someone, he needs them to verbally tell him that. We have seen many instances where he doubts himself and gets all up in his head. Yes he has taken to physical intimacy to fill that void he has, but he uses physical touch as a placeholder, since he never had the words to go by. Why am I mentioning this? Because let’s take a look at his relationship with Taylor and with Eddie separately.
His relationship with Taylor is based on the foundation of sexual attraction and intimacy. They started off having sex and never really learned how to be friends. They then jumped into a relationship thinking its what they both want. As we have seen, Taylor isn't the greatest with her words. She has called Buck “needy”, “a bad friend” and given him bad advice, such as “Maybe you might want to consider not everything is about you.” Obviously, to Buck, he’s going to internalize that and focus on her words because he takes to words more than other things, such as actions or touch. Given what she told him, you can see in Buck’s facial expression that it wasn't the greatest advice and he didn't like what she said to him. But it resonated with him and gave him mixed feelings on whether or not the problem with Chimney was about him. He already has issues about not fitting in and being left behind, issues about being insecure, so for her to say that to him? I’m sure it led him to believe that he’s really not important enough so he should take himself out of the situation (transfer from the 118) so that everyone else would be happier.
Then, when he came home and she had laid out that breakfast for him, we all sensed the weird vibe going on. She tried to do something “nice” for him and when he admitted to her that he clearly didn't take her advice, but the advice of his team members, you clearly can see her entire demeanor change. She is somewhat upset and at somewhat of a loss for words. So what does she do? She reaches out for him to give him physical contact, a hug that is very weird and awkward. She knows that touching him has worked for her in the past, so since her words were unable to reassure him, maybe her touch will. But as we all saw, yes Buck is very tactile, but even he wasn’t satisfied with their little awkward hug. Because he needs more than touch, he needs words, someone who will understand him and speak his love language back to him. Clearly, that person is not Taylor and I don’t think it ever will be Taylor.
Now when we take a look at Buck’s entire relationship with Eddie, we see a significant difference in how they work. Eddie has always been this closed off, private guy. He’s quiet and sassy, and is overall great with words. But given his upbringing and the environment in which he grew up in, maybe he wasn't able to freely express his words as much as he does with Buck now. But, there’s just the simple way of how much Eddie knows Buck, like really knows him. He know’s how well Buck takes to words of affirmation, and because he knows this, he uses words to speak in a language in which Buck will understand. What do I mean by this? Well Eddie has been known to show his love with Acts of Service. He has left Christopher in Buck’s care when Buck was depressed. He invited Buck over to hang out with him and his son for each Christmas they’ve known each other. He has wholly embraced Buck into his family, in hopes of showing how important Buck is to him. But even then, considering all these acts Eddie does for Buck, he still does not grasp how important he is, or how loved he is until Eddie explicitly tells him. It wasn't enough that Eddie trusted his son in Buck’s care, but when Eddie told Buck, “There’s nobody in this world I trust more with my son, than you”, you can see the automatic effect it has on Buck. We see him registering Eddie’s words, the meaning and importance behind those words. Then we get the iconic moment where Buck tells Eddie it would have been better for all of them if Buck was the one who got shot. He is insecure about himself and you can see how low his self esteem is in that moment. What does Eddie do? He tells Buck about his will. He made that action a year ago, once again using his own love language to show Buck how important and loved he is. But it wasn't until Eddie told him explicitly, “Because, Evan...You act like you’re expendable. But you’re wrong”, that Buck understood how important and loved he really is by Eddie. It wasn’t enough for Eddie to just give Buck his entire heart, no he had to tell Buck that’s what he was doing so it registered with Buck the importance of it. There have been many more instances where Eddie has been supportive and reassuring to Buck with his words, but that means I would go on forever. Eddie truly knows who Buck is as a person to the extent where he not only understands Buck’s love language, but he keeps making an effort to speak it back to him where he can understand it. Even in 5.05, Eddie chooses words to let Buck know that he’s “Stuck with us” because he knows how insecure Buck was about the entire Chimney situation. It wasn't until Eddie and the team reassured Buck with their words, that we saw him finally relax and truly smile for the first time. They were able to do what Taylor wasn’t able to.
With all things considered, we have seen time and time again how easily Eddie and Buck love each other because they both speak one another’s love languages. In order for any successful relationship to thrive, I think it’s super important that your partner really understands your love language and speaks in back to you. We have seen Taylor struggle with this and I think she will continue struggling with this because her and Buck truly do not know each other well enough. Whereas Buck and Eddie are solid in that department and I think we will continue seeing Eddie supporting Buck through his words, which will then lead into him confessing his love for Buck, so that Buck truly does know that Eddie is serious. He is in love with him and the only way to make it truly known to Buck will be to explicitly confess his feelings.
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This post by @yramesoruniverse really got me thinking about Eddie's self-image.
I mean, we talk about Buck having self-worth issues, but Eddie? Good God. It's tragic in an entirely different way. I am not discounting Buck's character at all, let me be clear, and I have written metas about how beautiful and important it is, but Eddie's deserves a little love, too.
Buck is able to be a bit more loud with his insecurities, a bit more obvious. Eddie gets to hide behind his son. He gets to smile and talk about how much he loves his kid and rock the whole single dad thing and completely distract from the fact that none of this love is directed inward. Christopher is the mediating variable of Eddie's worth. In Eddie's eyes, Christopher confers a value on his life that wouldn't otherwise exist. Eddie is only palatable to the world by extension of his son, and so we have thus far seen all of his major plotlines circle around Christopher. I'm not saying this is bad, because he's a single parent and that's a huge part of his character's identity, I'm just saying it reveals a lot about him.
There have been god-tier metas out there about Eddie's relationship to his body, which I think also plays a huge role in this. His clinical approach to physical maintenance is driven by necessity. Keep himself in shape enough to be there for his son, to provide for his son, to not let his son down. None of it is self-care. None of it is selfish. None of it is for him.
I don't know where they plan to take Eddie's character, but at least from what I've seen during season 4 (especially the end), it feels like a shift inward. I can't think of a better story for Eddie than him allowing himself to exist in the world as a person who can ask for things. Who can need things, for himself, separate from his son. Who can reflect on his family and think what does Chris want? and then follow it up with What do I want? Something about him and Buck and the will scene just drips with insinuation. I think granting Buck permanency in his life was a huge, telling step in this road for doing things for himself. He held that information for a year, yes because he didn't want to burden Buck, but also because it was a purely selfish action he did for himself, one that was so unaligned with his existing perception of himself, and he probably needed the series of events from mid-S3 to the S4 finale to come to terms with it.
Idk man. Idk. I just love this stupid man so much. What a character. S5 better treat him well.
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there is so much symbolism to this break up now that i think about
you have eddie making the first move, trying to find the words to do something he’s never done before because his entire life plan is to stick with something because he knows no other way and he doesn’t know that he can take control of his own happiness. you have ana’s expression falling, her anxious rambling as she flutters around the kitchen. There’s an air of resignation around her because she knows exactly where this is going but she wants just a few moments more, a couple more minutes of pretending this is going somewhere, and you have eddie stopping her from doing that because it’s only going to hurt more in the long-run - something he’s now recognized.
then you also have her giving that notion up entirely to take control of the conversation, trying to keep something on her terms to preserve her dignity, even though eddie not waiting a minute longer to break up with her is his way of respecting that he needs to let ana go if he isn’t going to build a future with her. it’s his way of not taking her self-respect away by stringing her along like that.
you have eddie taking in the mess of the kitchen, and probably thinking of the symbolic irony behind it. there’s multiple muffins strewn out (way more than three people need) as if ana was keeping herself occupied, with an inkling of what was going to happen when eddie got home.
you have him shutting the kitchen door to where chris is sitting outside, to signify that this is a step he’s taking for himself only, not for christopher - which directly parallels ana’s first meeting at his home, when both eddie and christopher open up the door to her.
you have eddie’s arms crossed across his chest, universal language for closing oneself off, especially as he talks about his reasons for prolonging this as long as he has. you have tears in both their eyes because even if this isn’t going somewhere, they were still important to each other. eddie does like her, hates the idea of hurting her and a large part of him is definitely sad to be losing that. there’s symbolism to the way he looks to and away from her repeatedly, still being 100% honest with her even though it’s clearly difficult for him to do
you have ana placing her hand across his crossed arms, him not budging at all because he wasn’t willing to let her in then, and he’s not right now either. and you have them ending exactly where they started...with an edmundo like when they were strangers standing across each other at the parent-teacher meeting.
then you have the little circle of magnets on the fridge, with one surreptitiously placed in the center, but not linked to any of the others. I kinda think...maybe that’s eddie? Like he’s so busy making relationships for other people, for christopher to have that support, that he kinda leaves himself behind. Maybe cut to next scene, the magnets are all interlinked, who knows xD
and then the end where ana shuts the door on eddie, literally leaving him with his mess and heartache as she goes to say goodbye to christopher, and like...there’s a finality to the click of that door. for once, eddie and ana were the sole people he’s thinking of when he made this decision and im so freaking proud of him for it.
at first i was like “i want eddie to have the words to literally say ‘this isn’t working we’re done’” but honestly? i think i really liked how this one turned out. quiet moment, honest, and kind of a fitting end to something stagnant.
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Between last episode and this one, Plant Dad Buck got a new Ponytail Palm Tree for his dining table.
It really felt like they were trying to force the more “lived-in” atmosphere in his apartment scenes with Taylor this week, the new plant being just one example. But not surprisingly, their interactions still felt as stiff and unlively as ever.
And it’s interesting that just last week we were all examining how The Balcony Scene felt so homey because it was full of plants and probably the most lively part of Buck’s place. So with Eddie, they’re surrounded by plants. With Taylor, we’ve got this new addition of a single plant.
Idk it’s just interesting to me 🤷♀️
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So y’all know how the fandom always thinks of Buck as the easygoing people person and social sunshine, and of Eddie as the sometimes grumpy, eternally exhausted guy who’s “not good with words”? Yeah, there’s a lot of truth to it. That’s their actual personalities around people they’re comfortable with. But when it comes to first impressions? Things are VERY different. @evandiaz-buckley pointed this out as well - when they first meet, Eddie gets along with everyone so easily, but Buck is immediately threatened by that and he’s stand-offish at first.
We see this play out again in Texas. Eddie has that very easygoing “I just know how to deal with people” character trait, he’s flirty with Marjan (which - my reaction to this was “I don’t want it send it back”, but I also can’t blame a guy she’s CUTE), he bonds over guy things with Judd, he plays the army card (which he did with the 118 as well - he knows he’s awesome and he’s not afraid to put that image out there) - but Buck, because of his insecurity, because of his issue of always feeling like he doesn’t truly belong or he can’t really accept that the people he loves want him there, he has a very different reaction to meeting new people. The first thing he does is look for Eddie and Hen, he stays by their truck waiting for them to come back instead of going out to just engage with the others and he can’t believe they would abandon him with all strangers around him. They’re his security blanket, because he doesn’t have to prove anything to them. Eddie and Hen on the other hand, they just walk into groups of strangers going “hi what can I do?” and it takes them no time at all to connect.
When he finds out Hen already has a job to do, he’s excited to at least have Eddie to himself. “Just you and me” - he doesn’t even want others there, he just wants to be with the person he knows best. And again he’s dumbfounded that Eddie would just leave him like that. When he’s first introduced to Mateo and TK, he’s kind of stand-offish again, he doesn’t really want to engage at first and he’s not about the small talk, until they warm up trading war stories. Meanwhile, Hen’s already sharing with Owen about their trauma and Eddie’s found a new BFF in Judd and is subtly letting Marjan know he’s you know, doing the single dad thing, while also, completely obliviously, talking about Buck every second he gets. Oh and making sure to keep Buck in line. And looking out for Buck’s feelings, asking Marjan to follow him back already. And you know, taking Buck to see his parents.
Consistency in character development. We love to see it!
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