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ltleflrt · 3 years

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Twist & Shout is more INfamous than famous (haven't read it, but I've sure heard of it) XD Otoh, because I'm forever spellbound by San Junipero, it has occurred to me today that SPN finale is very similar to that whole story: everybody's dead, and it's super sad, but they are also together, happy, and in love... I found Dean's lonely funeral very fitting, coz imagine the contrast with what could have been Dean's welcoming committe in heaven (and flashback to Becky's Roadhouse funkos re. Cas)!

It is definitely INfamous, yes lol... But when I joined the fandom, people passed it around to each other because they wanted to share the pain ironically, or they truly felt like it was a piece of art that everyone needed to see. The fact is that people inflicted that fic on each other on purpose. I eventually read it out of pure curiosity, and wish I hadn’t, but it’s in my brain now, and I can’t get it out without head trauma of some sort. And I must say... while the emotional trauma T&S and the Finale inflicted on me feel the same, I think the show’s ending was much better XD

Sorry, I’m being beastly about that fic, and I shouldn’t. I even left a good comment on it when I read it, so obviously there was something there for me too. (But I still think 91W is more deserving of the clout that T&S got lol)

I honestly don’t mind stories that end with an afterlife reunion. I mean, I get that it’s a very Christian-centric thing to believe that Heaven is a gift to people who deserve it, but seeing as how the show was based mostly around Christian Mythology, I don’t see that as necessarily a bad thing.

In some ways, I find more comfort in the idea of TFW reuniting in this afterlife than I do in say.... (SPOILER ALERT) the ending of Guardian where the protags die, meet in the nebulous space between reincarnations, and promise to find each other in their next lives. That seems like so much more work! In SPN’s Heaven, time is weird so Dean may have only experienced maybe half an hour before Sam showed up. He can literally pray to his boyfriend and ask him to come talk. They can all just sit down, rest, and enjoy each other’s company. No searching, no trying to dig up memories of past lives. No hunts, no worries about paying the bills, just family, peace, and all the fun they can imagine.

We all wanted domestic bliss for Team Free Will, right? Well, they have that now.

#spn meta #15x20 #carry on #spn spoilers #positivity party on main #charie-caphine

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awed-frog · 7 years

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Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets/The Most Sacred Oath

I’m guessing you can’t hear me squeal over your own squeals, but I’ll just keep at it a little longer, okay? Okay.

Man, this episode read like very good fanfiction, and while I’m disappointed Dean never found out Cas used to be a woman (although, they did have a conversation about that, so Steve gets points anyway), everything else was plain amazing. I’m actually tempted to do a recap that’s just shouting words into the void, because, seriously, that would be enough, but - okay, let me watch that thing again and then I’ll write a proper meta.

Okay.

(Deep breath.)

So, let’s get one thing out of the way: we already know why this story works so damn well, but it’s worth saying it one more time, because this is what the whole episode was about.

A human and an angel: not meant to be.

Ishim said humans are dangerous to angels, and I agree with him: if angels want to understand humans, to truly become friends with them, to live among them - well - look at what’s that done to Cas. Caring about humans is, apparently, different than caring about another angel; it forces you to give up something deep inside yourself. You become - weaker, unhappy. Doubt-ridden. Trapped between two worlds, and fit for neither. And as for humans - if they truly wish to get closer to angels - to speak their language, to know enough about their magic and weapons to be able help them when they’re in trouble or hurt - that literally costs them their souls.

It’s a tragedy. It’s doomed.

But, of course, it’s not completely hopeless. What would be the point of writing a love story if you know from the start nothing can never happen at all? No - love can conquer all, and this episode dangled it in front of us - the angel who chose humanity, who tried to defend the person he loved from his own brothers, and the human who was fascinated with angels and knew enough about them to make it work.

(They had a daughter, sort of, and let’s cry about that for the rest of eternity, because can you see it? Dean loves kids, and -)

Anyway. We’ve known for a while that angels - I mean, the price Cas paid for his loyalty to the Winchesters (his love for Dean) - that’s harrowing. But this idea that humans need to sacrifice their soul to become closer to angels - thanks for that, Steve. I’m fine.

And surely, at this point, there is no other way this could end? Because what Sam and Cas share - yeah, that’s what friendship looks like, but Dean and Cas - right. And so Cas went and said it (“You mean too much to me.”) and Dean just holed up in his room for the rest of the week? He never said a word to Cas? And, Jesus, Cas thinks Dean’s angry? At him? I’m glad this, at least, was spelled out clearly, because apparently some people still don’t get it and read Dean’s emotions at face value and no, Dean was not angry - he was worried out of his damn mind, and he’s got reason to be, because Cas still doesn’t fucking get it: “I don’t regret what I did, even if it costs me my life”.

The idiot - the useless, fucking idiot.

(“Smelly. Dirty. Twice the worry about getting ganked.”)

But, actually, it’s even worse - Cas is like - I don’t know - he clearly gets it enough to fight back, but not enough to understand what’s going on and react in some other way. When Dean started to have a go at Benjamin, Cas figured it out and was able to play the same game (“Yeah, you know what I like about him? He's sarcastic, but he's thoughtful and appreciative, too.”) and the result is that Dean very nearly crashes the damn car, because, what the hell? That’s alarming and scary in so many ways - Cas getting it - that’s almost worse than Cas not getting it, because there are so many things Dean doesn’t know about Cas, and what if Cas doesn’t - what if Cas can’t -

And the thing is, Cas can’t. We know that now, and he said so himself, back in 1901: “You have lain with a human and you fathered a Nephilim. You have broken our most sacred oath, and the penalty is death.”

We all assumed (or, at least, I assumed) that creating a Nephilim - that was the unforgivable bit. But apparently, the problem is both the laying and the fathering, which suddenly frames the angels’ disgust at Cas living with the Winchesters in a new light - they were being nice, weren’t they, because shunning Cas - that was nothing. If Cas had taken one step closer to Dean’s bed, they would have killed them both. Apparently, sex with a human breaks the oldest law in Heaven, and yep, there it is, I’m squealing again -

- this makes everything so much better (for anyone that loves angsty stories, that is), and also explains why Cas friendzoned Dean so much - not only sex is not on his radar in general, but what Dean wants - that’s, like, specifically the first thing God forbid, and would mark Cas for death - at once. Boy, what a mess.

And it’s too late to turn back now, isn’t it? Dean was so transparent in this episode - as he scoffed at Ishim, I couldn’t help but being reminded of Ron and how he’d attack anyone for calling Hermione all those things he’d call her himself, day in, day out, because remember that? that was fun and that was how you write someone in love and oh my God.

And the mirror - the mirror was glorious, wasn’t it? “All my life, I dreamed about angels.” - that broke my heart, because this is Dean, isn’t it? His mother telling him about angels - that’s about the only memory he has of her, and he hunts monsters for a job, knew monsters were real since he was a very small child, so how many times must he have told himself that angels existed too?

(They must, they must, they must, because look at all the rotten and dark and evil things out there - angels must exist, and Mommy said so.)

Of course, Dean would never share this with anyone - not his father, who handled The Conversation so poorly Dean didn’t speak again for months and months, and certainly not Sam, who is good and worthy and never deserved his freak brother putting his crap on him. But when he sees Cas for the first time (“When I first saw him...I thought he was perfect.”), Dean can’t help himself: “I thought angels were supposed to be guardians,” and yes, that’s the lie and the dream he’s been telling himself, over and over, for years. And Cas - Cas turned out to be both Ishim and Akobel, because he came when Dean called, and he opened up to him (because he loved Dean, that is, and that’s canon), and he hurt Dean, but he also managed to stop - to see that what he was doing was wrong - and of course he saw that, because “How could anyone know them and not love them?”, and that’s why he chose to remain on Earth, this wet, unpleasant place, and keep watching over Dean (and Lily had a child; how subtle, Steve, and thank you, Steve).

And man, now I’ve got all the feels about Cas -

- because Balthazar - Jesus, he was Balthazar’s commander - hello 91W flashbacks - and I don’t care if the timeline’s a bit wonky (like, he got his own ‘flight’ of angels after he was serving under Ishim, but if in 1901 he was still doing that and Balthazar had been long dead, then what...?), because Ishim said Cas survived Hell, and that’s weird and unusual and does this mean dozens of angels tried to save Dean and died and how did Cas swing it, then, or does this mean nobody wanted that mission or Cas improvised and went down there of his own volition, just because he could feel this human soul calling for him and if he died for that, so what?

(Okay, that’s it - we need to know how and why Cas saved Dean from Hell, and we need it stat.)

Also - a flight of angels - that’s five of them? Man, we always forget about this because we know them now, and Cas is a cinnamon roll and all that, but angels are terrifyingly powerful, and turns out there are few of them not because SPN can’t afford extras, but because the playing field’s not level at all and just one of them will kick your ass to Hell and back and fucking watch him. And not only that - they’re weird, obsessive creatures - that thing with the game at the beginning - Steve, that was awesome and perfect in every way and thank you.

(It also highlighted, again, how unusual it was that Cas made his own path and chose to take a step back and trust Dean - chose to be patient, instead of giving in to his factory settings, like Ishim did with Lily. Wow.)

And something else I was lowkey wondering about - “She gave him everything her trust and her body.” - I don’t know if anyone feels the same way, but this reminded me of Hannah and how she told Cas, ‘We gave you our trust’ - because that’s all an angel can give, right? and they don’t have bodies of their own - except for Cas. So now I’m wondering if there’s something to this - if the way out from a world of evil and monsters is a sort of union between Grace and soul - body and trust - if this something Cas will become on his own, turning more and more human as his love for Dean burns his Grace out - so, does this refer to some future plot point (a girl can dream)? What if putting Cas inside Dean’s body (I meant using him as a vessel, get your minds out of the gutter) makes Cas much, much stronger? Oh, the possibilities.

And finally, extra points for Sam’s behaviour in the whole episode (because, yes, he knows, but I still wonder if he knows knows), and especially outside that diner, that was hilarious, poor Sammy, and extra points for that discussion at the end and the Winchesters consoling Cas a little bit and extra points for Cas saying his love for Sam and Dean makes him stronger, not weaker, and extra extra points for Dean choosing to die to keep Cas safe, because, man, are you trying to kill us here? Jesus.

(Finally: does anyone have any idea what’s up with all those ‘spot’ signs we’ve been seeing since the beginning of the season? I’m starting to think they’re a secret message from Wanek, a kind of ‘spot, spot, SPOT’ which, of course, literally means ‘look, look, LOOK’ and I don’t know if it’s a subliminal order to just keep watching SPN or if he’s telling us subtext matters or if maybe he’s just having the time of his life and painted a thousand of those things when he was high and now, goddammit, now he will use them and watch him?)

#spn 12x10 #lily sunder has some regrets #spn meta #destiel #cas #castiel #sam knows #steve yockey #yep #that's how you do it #*sends bunch of virtual flowers to yockey*#(also jelly beans and g-strings)#(because that man deserves all the things)

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