#;; wow i got u because this is my LIFE every single DAY | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

flwoie · 4 months

Text

TABLE TENNIS — KIM DONGHYUN

☆ when vandalizing your seat by writing how you’re done with love creates more vandalism by a response the next day in blue sharpie.

STARRING ≻ schoolmate! leehan x gn! reader (guest star : danielle of nwjns) GENRE ≻ romcom small angst hs au heavily inspired by that one scene from ‘para sa hopeless romantic' (PLEASE U GUYS SHOULD WATCH IT, ITS SO GOOD) CONTAINS ≻ vandalism (duh) so many timestamps and im sorry abt it WORD COUNT ≻ 682 (not proofread im sorry i gave up on using grammar checkers)

🗯️ sona's back with the weird ass titles??? dont know a slick about bnd but here i am. hope you’ll like this anon 😊

You're done with love.

This is the fourth time you've gone on a date with some weird guy. They keep getting worse every time. Your first date couldn't stop talking and not letting you say a word, followed by your second one, who didn't want to pay for his food, and your third one, well, he couldn't stop calling you insecure—when you weren't. If your friend sets you up on another one, you might as well just go for the first one.

She shows you Instagram profiles of other boys who find you interesting—from what she's heard by others. You interrupt her and slightly push her phone away from your face.

"Y/N, trust me, they're not going to be as bad as the others!" She urges.

"You said that last time. I'm done, Danielle." You clicked on the top of your pen and started jotting words down on your wooden desk.

'I'M DONE WITH LOVE!'

You pointed out your writing on the table to Danielle, making her roll her eyes.

'Wow, emo. Are you heartbroken?'

Those were the words that were written below yours in blue sharpie when you walked into class the next day. You pulled out a pen and wrote down your response next to theirs.

'Not really. Men just irritate me. Speaking of which, are you a guy?'

Danielle walks in and sits next to you, observing that you're not only writing on your table but also smiling ear to ear.

"What's got you smiling now?"

"Look," you say, tapping on the ink engraved on the table, "someone replied to my vandal." She leans in to read your messages.

"Very modern," she sarcastically remarks. "Who knows, that could be the love of your life."

"You're crazy. What 'love of my life' are you talking about? We don't even know anything about them."

She nudges your arm after she puts her notebooks on her desk. "But, Y/N, admit it. You're excited," she teases.

Leehan eagerly walks into class as it is about to start and quickly sits down in his seat to look at your response. He grins and looks around to see if any of his classmates saw him.

He waited for everyone to leave after his class ended. His friend urges him to leave with him so they'll do their project, but all he replies is that he'll follow along. As his friend left, he popped off the cap of his sharpie and replied to your message.

'Not all men, I'm different from them.'

You looked at the message and started writing your response as you waited for your teacher to start class.

"What if we skipped our next class? So we can see who's answering your messages," Danielle suggests.

"No way. We're going to be absent from our next class just because you're curious about who's answering."

"Nuh uh, it's for love."

From there, your conversations continued, with more of yours and his other friends being invested in this so-called love series.

'So you're a guy. Well, I hope you're different from them.'

'Hah! I'm a good boy :)'

'Really now?'

Danielle grabs your pen right after you finish writing, continuing your message with her writing.

'Really now? Do you have a girlfriend?'

'Nope. I don't think anyone would want to date me. What about you?'

She squeals at his response, lightly pushing you back and forth. "He's single, Y/N, he's single!" You scoff and ignore her antics.

'Me neither. My friend won't stop setting me up on dates.'

Leehan hasn't replied to your message since. He's afraid that this might be his last chance at love. He's been rejected by so many girls, all for the same reason.

He just wasn't good enough.

You thought the conversation ended there. It's been days since you last wrote that, and the ink is starting to fade. Danielle lost hope as well until the end of the week.

'Maybe she can set us up together?'

"Hurry up and ask for his name. I might know him!" she exclaims as you quickly write an answer.

'I'd love that. I'm Y/N.'

'Leehan :)'

141 notes · View notes

bp-zb1fics · 11 months

Note

hello !! could u write something with jeonghyeon and reader in school like they are already dating, and it would be about them being the "famous" couple in their school !! lijeong being a genius and the reader being dumb like an airhead but she really kind and all. teachers and students could be teasing them about being an odd couple haha

So without meaning

pairing: leejeong x reader

genre: highschool au (same verse as shy,shy,shy and tall& handsome), fluff

tw/tags: sort of character study, class couple, mean girls reference, flirting, kisses, woongki being salty, leejeong simp agenda as usual

wc: 756

summary: it’s not that you were an odd couple, more like you were smart in different ways.

a/n Kind of put a spin on the req but I hope you like it anon~ it's also super late so there's that but these weeks have been rough tbh. also anyone who doesn't get the mean girls reference, jail for you jk

check my pinned for more fics!

When Gyuvin first transferred, Gunwook and Junhyeon made it their mission to introduce him to everything that there was to know about their highschool, sort of like those 90’s teen movies. So far, they’ve done a decent job.

Gyuvin now knows they served donkatsu at the cafeteria every second Tuesday, how to not piss off Baek Kooyoung-seongsaengnim and every notable class couple that he shouldn’t get in the middle of.

Case in point, you.

It wasn’t that you were stupid. No, definitely not. Maybe you made stupid decisions sometimes but doesn’t everyone? Sure, you weren’t the brightest bulb in the box (is that the correct analogy?) but you made do. You got decent grades, teachers liked you even if you had a tendency to daydream during class. And it helped that you were really nice in the very unintentionally genuinely good way that very few people were these days.

It’s just- your boyfriend was-

“That’s Lee Jeonghyeon.” Junhyeon whispers to Gyuvin as they watch the older boy walk down the hallway towards you. “Genius, sort of a lone wolf, all sorts of rumours floating around him.”

“What kind of rumours?”

[insert unnecessary montage]

“Lee Jeonhyeon is flawless.”

“He has an endless supply of bracelets and only owns green sweaters.”

“I hear his jawline is insured for 10 million won.”

“I hear he does underground rapping.”

“His favourite colour is green.”

“One time, he got recruited by this company and they told him he could be an idol.”

“One time, he punched me for trying to kiss him.” A pause. Cha Woongki takes the time to flip his hair before sighing wistfully. “It was so hot.”

[end montage]

Gyuvin’s eyes have grown twice their original size in disbelief. Junhyeon nods solemnly. Meanwhile, you and your boyfriend are none the wiser. In fact, he’s completely preoccupied by you grabbing his hand, chattering about something brightly as you tug him towards the cafeteria.

Most of the students give you a wide berth. But that’s probably because your boyfriend is at least 185 cm and looks like he can cut a bitch on a good day. It was also sort of interesting, the contrast between you, like a manhwa plot coming to life. The resident genius and the bubbly airhead, complete opposites and completely enamoured by each other.

“Jeonghyeoniee,”

The withering look that your boyfriend gives Park Hanbin would probably deter anyone else. But Park Hanbin is a dazzling force of nature with a brilliant smile and military commander-like focus when he gets invested in something. Trailing behind him is Kim Taerae, resident class-crush with his church-oppa like charms and soft, sweet voice.

“What do you want?”

Maybe Jeonghyeon would look more intimidating if he currently wasn’t letting you feed him like a petulantly adorable child, practically glued to your side, holding your other hand under the table. You ignore the other boys, bringing another spoonful of rice and meat to his lips.

“Thank you aegiya.”

“You’re welcome, Leejeong-yah.”

“God, I hate love.” Woongki fake gags from the other side of the table.

“Wow, way to be single and bitter.” Hanbin shoots back, the other gasping dramatically.

“I am not.”

“Are too.”

“Am not.”

“No fighting!” You insist after swallowing the bite your boyfriend fed you. Woongki coos at you.

“Oh my poor, innocent baby, how did our big, bad Jeonghyeonie manage to score someone as sweet as you?”

“Woongki-ah, I punched you once, I can do it again.” Jeonghyeon grits out before obediently opening his mouth so you can feed him.

“Oh please do,” The other boy says way too eagerly. You sigh. And they said you were the dumb one when you could clearly see your boyfriend being played. Also your food was finished and you kinda wanted one of those pudding cups that they brought out after you had sat down with your trays.

“Leejeong-yah?”

“Yes aegiya?”

“Want pudding.” You pout, You really don’t need to. Your boyfriend stands up right away and goes over to the counter to fetch one for you. Woongki rolls his eyes, applauding you slowly.

“Ugh, your power. Literally you need to tell me how to get a boy completely whipped like that.”

You shrug. Jeonghyeon comes back with your much-desired pudding cup, proffering you a spoonful.

“Leejeong-yah, kiss?”

The rest of the table groans as he leans down and gives you a peck shamelessly. You smile and eat your pudding, stealing more kisses in between spoonfuls. Jeonghyeon might be a genius but he wasn’t the only smart one in the relationship.

126 notes · View notes

maybenotmei · 2 years

Note

how would malleus, Leona and Azul deal with their crush baking things some nights and the next day, crush leaves the boys some every single time wrapped up in a box tightly so they will stay fresh? What if they baked some mini buns shaped like lions, dragons or Octopuses/fish as well for once?

hi requestor, was just wondering if youre asking for my thoughts or if u want more arranged headcanons for your requests ^^ i'll do the former for this one, because i think it's cute, really! tell me if you want more arranged hcs though, and if this format is ok for your other azul request too!..... you're feeding into my interest for azul,,,,,,,,,,,

(though there may not be that much of a difference aside from layout...) THANK U BTW TO BUCKETOFFORKS FOR HELPING OUT W MALLEUS !!!!

ft. azul ashengrotto, malleus draconia, leona kingscholar

＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿

￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣

for azul, i think he'd be pretty intrigued at first. maybe because he'd see you consult jade about something, head to the kitchen, and go back carrying a small lunch box back to your dorm. it's pretty late at night, so it would make him wonder.

he doesn't wonder anymore after seeing the same lunchbox at his desk the next day, though.

this was the first occurrence of him getting something like this (and azul wakes up fairly early so he doesn't know how you were able to place this here secretly) and after piecing things together he... got flustered

oh my god if you actually confirm you made that cute octopus bun and that batch of rice and octodogs then he would feel extremely indebted to you and he's unsure how to pay back

also he probably would feel hesitant to eat it because it's 1. so cute (cute enough for him to take a picture, and keep it. that's rare for him) 2. most likely made by you .... he eats it anyway and my god it tastes so good?

the next day when he sees you again baking something and then that thing showing up on his desk again? you're just doing too much now— he feels like he's wallowing in debt from how much you're spoiling him with this food (do not take this negatively, he loves how your food tastes)

if you confirm it was you... then he's already thinking of ways to pay you back as quick as possible. don't insist he takes it for free he insists he does something for you as well

＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿

￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣

for leona, ....okay listen i don't know much aside from the fact he will eat it without hesitation if he knows it's from you

...what? your cooking is better than the cafeteria's. that's a pretty big compliment because people were fighting for that sandwich in the cafeteria, you know?

he would ask you when he first sees you at night in the kitchen, ask you stuff like "what are you doing here?" but wouldn't push the topic because he is tired and it is 10 in the evening. he would remember the lunch box on the counter though

and well, when that same lunch box arrived at his nightstand warm and fresh despite it being made hours ago, he... appreciated it?! i'm sure he has the guts to ask you to make more, since he's assuming you made it (damn, good guess...!) but not right now

your lion-shaped bread tasted the best though.

ruggie's thankful he doesn't have to fight for his life in the cafeteria anymore thanks to the secret person....

requestor im sorry i barely know anything about leona 😭

＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿

￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣

you... gave malleus food?

wow, i'm.... uh... honestly he doesn't know how to react either. like sudden food in his place? sounds nice, i wonder who did this (he probably knows you did it because you weren't slick with leaving the lounge wrapping something up at 10pm)

he would show up to the lounge holding the bunch of food because he wants to show it to the rest. lilia and silver would probably have a look at it and sebek is panicking very loudly because what if it's poisoned and malleus consumes it and suddenly he had failed to protect the young ma-

oh. he's fine. he took a bite. he liked it. it's not burnt at the bottom, and it's very well-baked. the dragon-shaped bread had some vanilla filling, which was nice.

the same thing repeats every day, though. you bake something, leave it at malleus's room (how did you even get inside?) or by the lounge addressed to him, the rest are in awe, sebek is worried, malleus enjoys it. you're... secretly thankful

when he does find out it was you who made it...

"child of man(?), did you make the bread? thank you 🙂" (he wishes you'd make some more)

okay this was difficult 😢 i'm not super familiar w malleus so im sorry :,,,,)

#twisted wonderland headcanons #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland #azul ashengrotto #azul ashengrotto x reader #malleus draconia #malleus draconia x reader #leona kingscholar #leona kingscholar x reader

778 notes · View notes

hollisartsblog · 9 months

Text

Sorry for the long post, I just felt like I needed to get it out, if you want to read I'd be happy, if not, it's okay!

reading for the first time after almost 5 years what I used to write and think about late at night, and now I feel like doing it again, trying to find the right words.

I wanna talk about being in the moment as an artist, appreciating what you do, and not giving a fuck. (and loving ur young self)

I spent my teenage years drawing and posting here, so I had a lot to read tonight and to think about.

have u ever experienced that strange feeling, where you are like "wow. I was actually so beautiful and smart, who could have ever hated me?"

I was a completely different person, and maybe I miss that little girl, and maybe I hate her even a little. now, I'm not here to talk like I'm in a psychoanalyst's deckchair, of course. but I'm here, to resume the beautiful, however embarrassing in my opinion, habit of writing my most intimate thoughts (shareable, of course) that cross my mind at night, because maybe they can help someone, because we are never alone. just as they helped you years ago, just as it has helped me re-reading them now after all this time. I've had some crazy years. I was young, I was passionate and genuinely free to do whatever I wanted. I had friends, I had just sold a self-published book, I had "fans", I was "successful", I had good grades, I had a girlfriend, yet I wasn't happy. I know it sounds like the usual sweet story about happiness and self-satisfaction, but I don't think so (and even if it was, well, here we are ;) ) I didn't realize how necessary EVERYTHING that was happening to me was.

artists have a huge difficulty accepting that sometimes we have to look inside and accept that we have to constantly learn, instead we are always in a hurry to be perfect, to get likes, to earn, but that's not how it goes. I was literally 16 and already thinking about this, thinking I must be good enough to please everyone.

spoiler: you can never do that.

as I said years ago, our eyes are not the right eyes to judge us.

appreciate the compliments, don't dismiss them with an embarrassed smile. appreciate the effort and hours put into a work even if it is bad for you. hug your self when after a bad day you still have the courage to do what you love. being an artist is beautiful, but a huge burden, especially for us. remember that when our insecurities take over, we are not lucid.

yes, that drawing u posted that got 8 likes made 8 people feel something. how amazing is that?

yes, it will be fine, that text you wrote will be something new in someone's eyes, it won't be something read and re-read to make it perfect. you will amaze and make someone fall in love with what u did.

internet is an amazing place, and sometimes it's not. I got myself into a really bad place because I was too immature and too impatient to immediately be the artist I always felt I was, but NO ONE is after you with a clock ticking away time.

you really think someone care about how much time does it take you to get to your goal? why should it matter? I'm not going to list every single successful person who actually made it and tell you "look! they were poor now they are rich, so u can do it!". i'm telling you to always love the process; I would've punched myself in the face, I hated when adults told me this phrase, but it's true: everything pass. you are not gonna be like this forever. you are gonna love what you do one day, and love life because life takes but gives.

(tw: mental health) I spent years between psychologists and suicidal thoughts, I was never enough, and my art not only made me feel miserable, but it was one of the first reason I fell into depression. it always reminded me how plain, boring, and uninspired I was.

there was never anything that was right in what I did, every comment and every ask you sent me had no weight for me, they meant nothing because I didn't I believed in myself, yet I should have tasted it. now I reread them crying, not believing what I read. I was talented, man, I was full of ideas, I was amazing. I lost that spark, because of fear, of waiting for the right moment. i sabotaged myself because i was afraid of judgement, of pressure, when i had love around me, everywhere.

now I'm in Florence, far from home, studying in a private academy of animation and digital art. would I ever have thought that? absolutely no. I deserve it? Yes. because I, like you artists, have grown, we have learned, and I'll tell you this once and for all: do not give up. things are really getting better. now I'm not saying that because I magically healed and I love my art all of the sudden (unfortunately, I still really struggle) but please don't look at likes, followers. you're good, just because you love what you do, literally that's all that matters. I took a long break, now 2 years, because, as much as I didn't want to admit it, I was starting to hate what I was doing, it had become an obligation, a simple circle to mark before going to sleep on the to-do list. to alone.

16 years old. and it wasn't right.

love what you do, take breaks, post without checking a thousand times, show your work, accept compliments. you have created something, and that is enough.

look at you past as an amazing book you just read, the satisfaction coming from all the pages you already read and learnt from, now you are a different person thanks to them. look at you future with the same excitement when you still have a lot of those pages to read.

#hollis' thoughts at night #artist rant #love is everywhere #good omens #thank you so much for how much i learnt from you and your support

29 notes · View notes

rigelmejo · 2 years

Text

Notes today o3o)/

1. Chinese

I am 5/12 chapters through 第十二封情书 and I also recommend this as an easy-ish read, especially if you want to pick up some school related words. School related words are a weak spot for me lol because I never needed to learn 班长 is class monitor. The writing is fairly straightforward if you wanted to guess word meanings they're fairly clear from context.

Where this fic shines is its words about feelings/ideas/reasons since it's half in rhe form of introspective "love letters" Zhang zhijun never plans to send, so it's him writing how he feels and wondering if he's nervous or worried to tell his feelings, if he wants to stop the feelings and move on, if people you like become perfect in your eyes, etc. All really good conceptual words on thoughts and emotions which would help one figure out how to word their own feelings in a conversation, in a journal, or if you plan in the future to read stuff where the narrator does get self reflective.

I checked out the 200+k story 你喜不喜欢你, and although Heavenly Path ranks it as Upper Intermediate, Readibu is giving me an hsk 4 comprehension 83% and hsk 5 comprehension 93% for it, which appears to be comfortably in my Extensive Reading zone. So i may read some of that next... though 撒野 is equivalent in difficulty because of Length reasons at that point, and similarly easy language for me. 你喜不喜欢你 supposedly has ghosts though... and I love me a modern supernatural story. See: my favorite pingxie fics ToT 寒舍 and 半夜寒衣. Which, I would read those 2 pingxie fics next but. Readibu stats put them as harder (hsk 4 comprehension 77%). So while I've read them before and know a lot of THEIR specific words, on the other hand I'm reading "easier" stuff right now just to get a lot of reading in. More reading practice = more improvement, so I'm not exactly dying to slow down my progress lol.

On the other hand though? Reading stuff with more unknown words/stuff does increase opportunities to learn things I have a weak spot in. For example I'm reading this school focused thing, which is definitely filling in my high school/college vocabulary gaps. Reading a business setting with economics discussed would fill in gaps I definitely have, etc. Like... I will ultimately NEED to read stuff I'm unfamiliar with, to become familiar with it. So it's not a bad idea to push myself into Unknown vocabulary territory every so often.

Yes, I'm still trying to find out if that 9000 pages in your target language makes u able to read better ToT. One day ill get to prove that claim true or false. One day ToT

I am still reading dmbj 1. But it's slower going cause those chapters take me 20-30 minutes a piece. And of course... once I finish I've got a LOT more fucking dmbj novels ToT. Which... I might do 云村笔记 next, since it's got useful words and it's mostly a slice of life novel so I don't need to keep reading another 30 chapters of our dudes scared in a tomb! (I tell you what though: if you want to get comfortable with tomb genre words read dmbj... I feel like after this first novel, the majority of new unknown words will be sand/water setting related or names, because the vast majority of other words in dmbj are scary/reaction/tomb/old stuff antique/bugs/tomb gear which the first book is covering and getting one familiar with).

2. Japanese

I started Yakuza Like a Dragon yesterday, with Ichibian!

And like every single fucking time I start a Japanese game, my brain goes into overdrive to remind me of what's familiar but I fucking forgot ToT, what I don't know yet and desperately try to guess, what I remember but needs to Snap Back into place again, and how much I just wanna Get Better At Japanese so the task of me enjoying comparing the japanese to the English translation gets easier. (Don't ask why I enjoy so Much comparing japanese original with translations, but wow do i, I'm absolutely overwhelmed with doing it automatically and loving it a lot whenever I stumble into japanese again ToT).

The thing is. Every time I remember jjapanese, the Chinese word for things usually zooms right out of my active vocabulary and gets replaced with the japanese. This spring I played through several yakuza games and my japanese recognition and new learned stuff increased (I got to the point I kept forgetting how to converse in chinese and the japanese sentences were all that were fucking coming to me... 时间shijian was GONE and replaced with 時間 jikan ToT and nanren was replaced with otoko it was a mess, I truly couldn't remember something as basic as nanren ToT). But it just shoved my active chinese vocabulary right outta my brain - which to be fair, I was doing no chinese studying in the spring to KEEP it active.

Meanwhile, this past week I read 5 chinese stories and I'm going on 2 more. So my chinese active vocabulary I forgot this spring came right back, and now I can remember how to chat in chinese (which is good for particular personal life reasons at the moment) but that also means I blanked out on all my old japanese active vocab. Nanren replaced otoko, haizi replaced Kodomo, jiehun replaced whatever the fuck wedding was in japanese but I forgot. (I do notice my mental active vocab seems to replace the hanzi/Kanji cognates the worst, I think cause my brain just hates multiple pronunciations for a given character so it doesn't like conceptualizing multiple... which is part of why hanzi clicked so easy for me with their usually only 1-2 pronunciations, versus Kanji which I STILl fucking struggle to pronounce with their usual several pronunciations). So yeah, my chinese is great again rn... but just playing a game with japanese audio, my brain goes into overdrive trying to remember again lol.

I find it so funny. I find it so funny things can be so easy yet so hard. That u can learn more and be eons past where you used to be in progress, and then realize how much you still don't understand and must learn. Then you learn more, get aware of New things you never realized you didn't know, and the process repeats. In japanese I was OVER THE MOON last year when I realized I could read manga finally, without a dictionary! Then I was over the moon this spring, listening to Final Fantasys X audio and just able to actually PLACE each scene I heard, follow some of the dialogue meaning. Now it's fall, I've "progressed" and I pick up Guardians japanese translated novel... I slog through the intro character page, and realize just how brutally few Kanji words I know how to pronounce, how much I'm leaning on chinese hanzi knowledge to "guess" what I'm reading. I start playing some yakuza, and realize how HYPE I was in spring to understand "I'm going to get Oden, yeah he'll kill you, ikuzou etc" when now I hear a solid 4 words I don't know and get So antsy i can't grasp that part lol! That I realize now I can follow that daily life stuff so it doesn't blow my mind to understand anymore, it's not progress that blows my mind anymore to just manage to reach (though it used to), now I've moved on and my brain insists its Frustrating to not grasp new particular details.

It's just. So funny how it's both SO motivating to be on the beginning part when you feel you made a breakthrough and comprehend more! Then it's almost demotivating to realize the new things you Still Don't grasp and desperately want to (even though objectively it's a good thing - you're making more progress if this is happening). Funny what the brain gets happy versus frustrated over.

Which is happening with me for chinese too right now. At lightning speed! At the beginning of this month my brain was DELIGHTED I could read a novel in 2 days and know almost every word! OVER THE MOON I could grasp so much, when I've read stories fully before and Never Comprehended them with such detail as this week. And now, toward the end of this week? My brain is acting frustrated if I try to read and skip or guess an unknown word! Just 1-2 unknown words feel frustrating! When I know good and well I've seen 10-20+ unknown words a chapter in rhe past, ans EASILY read, grasped main idea, and enjoyed. I know that literally earlier this week, I read a story extensively and didn't know maybe 2-5 words a chapter, and it didn't bother me at all! But now it's the end of the week, and my brains going "Oh this feels so hard to read! It has a handful of vague words (that I could definitely guess if I put the effort into and aren't hard to quickly look up)". It makes me wanna force myself to slog through something MUCH harder, if only to remind myself it's not actually a big deal that should make me STUMBLE AND STOP if I don't remember 情致 and 感情s difference absolutely perfectly in a sentence. Or if i dont remember specifically how touch 触碰 and 触摸 differ. Lol its not a big enough deal to actually impede understanding of main idea, and yet now that it's the end of the week these "vague confusions" and driving me up a wall! Lol if I went and read 默读 or 杀破浪 without a dictionary I would quickly realize how much it doesnt fucking matter if I know the specific nuance, and I'd just be grateful to see words I recognize to help me guess all the words I DONT.

Anyway it's. Funny and ridiculous to see the process. How a brain doing something Super Hard acts like it's amazing to successfully understand, but a brain doing something reasonably easy is like "oh but I'm not doing it perfectly so I wanr to give up!"

I also watched 2008 ep 1 of Legend of the Condor Heroes last night in chinese only and uh. Nothing like some huge dialogue chunks of wuxia 4 hanzi wordings to remind me I don't know shit, I can follow a much more confusing story line to me than I think I can ToT. I followed it fine, though yeah it was a bit of a struggle. It reminded me I followed Word of Honor in chinese, and to be so Grateful word of honor was actually mostly fairly modern straightforward dialogue except for a few things Wen Kexing, Prince Jin, and the big sect leader said. Versus Legend of the Condor Heroes 2008 where the first maybe 20 minutes is all several fighters saying lots of 4 hanzi line phrases with just a little relief of action and direct sentences like Tie and Guo fighting and dying. Then finally it flashes 16 years forward and I was so relieved it was regular spoken kinds of everyday stuff again like shoot the black bird/save the white bird/my daughter X/etc is coming.

Anyway back to japanese! I yet again wanna go thru my japanese old audio glossika files. So I can know more of the fucking words I'm hearing in yakuza. Though, knowing me, the words I'm gonna pick up wouldn't even be in glossika. Like I doubt kill is in that course ToT, but I sure had to learn it to follow a lot of yakuza lines.

#rant #progress

3 notes · View notes

nothingunrealistic · 2 years

Text

Jo Reed: The role you might be best known for is Ben Kim on “Billions.” It’s so interesting, from, how, “According To My Mother,” like, that little engine that could still going up the hill, and here’s this, you have this role in this huge, big production of this mammothly successful television show. Tell me about getting the role of Ben Kim, and how many auditions did you have to do?

Daniel K. Isaac: I believe it was one audition at Amy Kaufman’s office. She cast the pilot and I didn’t think too much of it, I don’t think I had a… My manager at the time had no access to the scripts. I knew so little about it except that he was a character named Ben Kim and I thought, “Well, my legal birth name is Kim so maybe there’s something there,” and he went to Stanford-Wharton, and I thought, “Well, I remember my mother took me to a graduation of some family friend or friend of a friend at Stanford so as to give me something to aspire to.” Even though we didn’t know the people who were graduating, we somehow were there, and so, this character went on the alternate life path of business school, and a master’s, and was pursuing a career in finance, and I knew I could tap into that, and I knew that it could be something. But I had also been a part of pilots or auditions for things that didn’t go, that didn’t continue on. I think I had three or five lines in the pilot, and I auditioned in December of 2014. We shot it in January of 2015, and around that spring, I was doing a play at 59E59 by Alexandra Collier, and as we were in tech, maybe, I got a call from my manager at the time and he said, “Oh, the show’s been picked up and they’re pinning you for a handful of other episodes,” and I thought, “Wow, that’s amazing.” I remember we did a table read for that pilot downtown at Three-Legged Dog. And it was a giant — I mean, they just put folding table after folding table in this huge U for the pilot alone, and I thought, “I am but one tiny cog in a large machine,” and the show has proven itself to be an incredible ensemble of, especially, New York City’s greatest actors. And I didn’t ever imagine that it would continue this long, and those handful of episodes they pinned me for ended up turning out to be every single episode that first season, 12 eps. And we were shooting season two and wrapping up the 12th episode again and it happened again where they would pin me for a handful of them, and then ended up doing all 24 after the first two seasons. And Brian Koppelman or David Levien, are executive producers and creators of the show, and they were pointing at different actors as we were sitting around asking, “How may eps have you done? How many have you done?” And they pointed at me and I sort of sheepishly said, “I’ve done all of them, all 24,” and they’re in the thick of writing so they don’t count that kind of stuff or they haven’t thought of it, and I remember at that premiere party for season two they were introducing all of us actors who were there and Brian shouted out, “And Daniel K. Isaac who’s not a series regular and has done every single episode,” and they’ve continued to write for me and this character since then, which is just the hugest of honors and something I never could’ve imagined from that initial audition in 2014 of doing three or five lines.

Jo Reed: When you got the job at “Billions,” I mean, let’s face it, theater, acting, playwriting, forget getting rich. It’s hard enough to pay the rent.

Daniel K. Isaac: Truly.

Jo Reed: Did you have a day job at the time?

Daniel K. Isaac: Yes, I was waiting tables and bartending at a restaurant called Hillstone in the Citicorp building. And I was still waiting tables as we shot season one, and partially through season two if not all of it, because I just didn’t believe that any project would be the definitive thing that could free me from the survival job. I had been, if not burned, then I had gone through the ups and downs of having and not having, and so, I kept it. And I had worked there for enough time, and in all things I do I took it very seriously, and so they rewarded my loyalty or my, at least, aptitude and they let me set my schedule, which I don’t think they would ever do again after what happened with me where I sort of was unable to schedule shifts as I got busier with shooting “Billions.” And after the first season aired I remember going around the restaurant and tables would stop me and say, “Oh, you’re on that show,” and while I didn’t have a significant part, they loved the show and that tended to slow me down and mean that I wasn’t contributing as much as a team player. And slowly I realized that, at least, this survival job may not be a long-term viable option. It was sort of a, you have moved onto a different chapter or your life, and let's take the leap of faith and see where that goes, and not many shows, I think, go this long and so, I can only express gratitude that we are, you know, that we have aired six and are planning to shoot season seven this fall.

Jo Reed: Ben Kim is such a loveable character. Tell us about the role of Ben Kim, and who he is, and why do you think he resonates so much?

Daniel K. Isaac: Sure. I saw Ben Kim going from a sort of cockiness in this first introduction and based on school résumé, which I’m sure many folks with their degrees and certificates and whatnot may feel coming out of establishments like Stanford and Wharton and whatnot. In the first season, he sort of gets knocked down a peg and is the new guy who is trying to find his footing, and I myself am an ambivert who leans towards quieter, especially in group settings. And so, I think my literal quiet energy was infused in this character. And the character was also introduced as having immigrant Korean parents who had a deli, I think, in Queens, in Kew Gardens, and he is the child of immigrants that does what immigrant parents hope and goes to the great schools. In that first season, he says his parents have only taken two days off from work. One to visit the campus, and one on a day of his graduation, which I felt was very honest to many immigrant families and parents that I knew, and so, we go from that to someone trying to find their footing in what I would argue is a toxic masculine world, and he is a source of goodness or has a good moral compass, and yet you have to be a shark. You have to be able to make risky, and bolder, and more extroverted, energetic plays in this field, and the character goes through this growth from shy analyst, or someone finding their footing, to now a portfolio manager, and someone who has grown into his own more, and I think there’s continued exploration to be had here. But that development seems to be a nice parallel to perhaps my own journey in the show, but also in my artistry and how much space I, or one, takes up. And while I don’t know the future, I know that I have hopefully been a kind and good energy to be around, and I think they have written that and also have said, “You can speak up more. You can take up more space. You can be,” and this character has gone on that journey as well.

#billions #ben kim #daniel k isaac #ben kim actually wasn't in all 24 episodes of seasons 1-2 (he didn't appear in 2x06‚ also the only episode of s2 taylor wasn't in)#and the lines about his parents only taking two days off ever didn't show up in any episodes #so there's some material that must have made it into shooting but not the final episodes... give us the cut lines and scenes!

3 notes · View notes

kpophubb · 2 years

Note

Hi precious 💌 gm ☀️

I’m so happy for you <3 congratulations from the bottom of my heart 🙈❤️ such a good news ! Ah:) I hope your dreams won’t stop coming true 🌈 🫧 what are you gonna study ? And where is your dream uni? Is it in 🇰🇷? (Ofc if u wanna talk about )

ah it’s gonna be a long letter ^^ I was thinking on taking some courses or maybe also going to uni, but I want to study law and it’s a very expensive..there’s actually lots of things I’m interested in , but have to save some money on 🙈 and I’m saving some money for my rent Ah , you literally have to be a billionaire 😅😂💸

I’m sorry for such a delayed reply I literally was thinking to reply yesterday but I got sick 🤒 and today it’s even worse 😂🤧 I literally cannot talk and my throat is in pain :/ drinking hot water 🍵 and vitamin c .. hope it helps 🤧 🤞🏻

The book thing is very interesting .. 📚 I don’t have any friends who would like reading books and I don’t know anyone esp teenagers and personally I also don’t read , but I think it’s really interesting..I remember when I was a kid and a bit younger I was going to the library every single week:) oh now I know why your writing is so amazing ^^ you read a lot 👏🏻

Ah I can’t stop thinking about your exams and uni:) you might be very exited and happy 😃 I wish I could take you out for an 🍦 or smth^^^

As for me I’m mentally better.. weirdly enough 🙈😅 I’m starting new job training this Monday and I’m getting bit tense and nervous since Monday is approaching.. trying not to think about it, but you know I’m in such a place in my life when I don’t have anything going on / not busy I’m getting aphetic and extremely depressed and anxious.. so maybe this is good .. I hope so , busy things even tho I am in smth and busy doing something they distract me so much and in some kind of weird way they give me feeling of being alive .. I don’t have time to enjoy the day but it feels like I’m on a quest you know 😂 like in 💻 games and my goal is do the most in a day ..i don’t know how healthy is it on any levels but 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m thinking about the song recommendation .. and

I just saw MV today , to be honest I was a little bit sceptical because when I saw this on my new realised list on Spotify I did not actually like it at first but today when I watched I really like her as a singer 😻she’s like so amazing , her voice is literally so amazing and then after I watched it I literally saved it to my current favourites 😹 let me know how do you find it :)

~ 🐁 nonnie

Hi my beloved beloved beloved 🐁 anonie 🥺❤️

first of all come here. Let me give you a tight warm hug for your hard work <3 from your late reply I could understand you were busy or having a rough week so I couldn’t help but wish you were healthy and alright <3 Ah I wish my uni was in 🇰🇷 tho haha😂 but nah, I’ll be studying in Malaysia 🇲🇾🫶🏻 I like the country and visited it twice and since all the living expenses and courses are in my favour, I decided to go to uni there. 💫 I’ll be studying Bachelors of Medicine and surgery! 🤩 as you can tell, I really want to help people around me and care for people hence the medical course is a DREAM for me🥺 I took some time tho, instead of leaving next month (which will be a big rush) I decided to go in next jan. So I can relax, rest, spend time with all my friends who I’ll be apart from :(( and get mental preparation of being independent and away from my family! Law? Wow law seems like a really GREAT but hard occupation bubs I know because my older brother studied law and bar from UWE- London. True that it’s REALLY expensive ;;-;; 😓 aww🥺 yes indeed I am very happy! However, there’s still a big risky step left (results) and a hell lot of preparations so I’ll let you know once I receive the official acceptance letter and visa <3 and about your work! Ah! It’s okay *pats your shoulder* we all feel nervous before doing something new for the first time. I’m sure you will do great! Deep breaths my love ❤️ you got this. Sleep properly and just try not to think too much about it. And ikr?? Staying at home doing nothing, being unproductive makes you sooo bored😫 I literally have nothing to do now so I set up a few goals. I workout 🏋️ (haha which I’m very new to) and do a lot of skincare/body care just to pass time!! Yes keep drinking water, ginger tea and take vitamin C tablets, and I pray you recover faster than you know <3 take life easy. Go at your own pace and do your best and I’m sure great things await you. 💓 as for the song recommendation and mv, I’ll be sure to check it out and leave my comments in our next ask. Mwuah 💖🫶🏻 I never really went to a library THATS SHOCKING RIGHT? Considering how much I love books. Not many libraries around where I live but it’s a bucket list item for me to one day visit a dark academia vintage library! Haha

#mia’s asks #🐁 anonie #❤️❤️❤️

2 notes · View notes

safesthavenoutsideofexistence · 2 days

Text

Gaining my soul=More energetic control. Gaining your soul is to see the truth of reality. I see from God’s viewpoint I see reality’s easy to control. I’m powerful because my self-validation feels authentic(chills). Like it’s tangible validation. I understand how my power works in my imagination I get a clear visual artwork of it. I’m unprecedentedly powerful it leaves them speechless. I trust my self-validation that shit strong. I’m naturally fearless to trust myself and what I have to say to myself. I’m naturally fearless to trust myself and what I have to say to myself just as much as I trust myself when I readily give advice to others(chills). Im an internal unrivaled trailblazer. I’m rigged to be on the right path. The unknown is rigged to give me all I desire. It’s so much fun validating myself dawg. It’s so tangibly fulfilling validating myself dawg. Every single sign I see holds potent Magic in it(chills). Every single sign I see holds unbelievably potent Magic. That’s why signs are terrifyingly undeniable to me. Terrifying=Disney Magic Stan Lee Magic type shi Indisputable(chills). Rubbing my fingers together only gets more and more unbelievably and potently magical. My romance is coming OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!@11:11. NO WAY. 11:11 the number of romance🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹✨✨✨✨✨✨💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗JAWDROPPED!!!!!!(chills) Internal accomplishments are as equally impressive as external ones. I got myself out of Hell I can do anything now. I’m that bitch. I’m a badass dayummm. It’s all about me winning. I’m in heaven now DAYUMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!! I DID IT YO!!!!!!!!! IM PROUD OF MYSELF I DID IT!!!!!!! I DID IT I ACHIEVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!? My past self looking at me in awe LIKE YEAH BRUH U SEE THAT OF U LOOKING AT THAT FOOT RIGHT SAYING ULL MAKE IT TO THE OTHER SIDE WELL BITCH GUESS YOURE ON THE OTHER SIDE YOU DID IT BITCH!!!!!! YOU ENERGETICALLY QUANTUM LEAPED NOW YOU A ZILLIONAIRE SUPERSTAR CONTROLLING REALITY LEFT AND RIGHT LIKE IT’S NOTHING LIKE YOU DO THIS SHIT FOR FUN EVERYDAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR IMMORTAL LIFE OMGMGMGMG!!!!! THIS IS YOUR REALITY!!!!!! Unhinged=Boundless(chills). I control from within. I control reality internally(chills this is a powerful one). Theyre all wack compared to the shit I have. They all marvel at me in awe. Like damn they all gon hype me up like I’m STAGGERINGLY GOATED the way they hyping up chris brown (chills) OMGGGGF and Paige bueickers. Every movement I make is as if I’m having utmostest supreme sex. Mesmerizing. I’m very in control of my energy. Laika doesn’t even try to dim my light. Laika is not threatened others want me. Im always in the spotlight and Laika is more than fine with it in fact she relishes off of it. It turns her on that the spotlight is on me. And it turns me on like crazy for her. My partner my lover who isn’t my opp DAYUMMMMMM. WOW THATS NEW! Laika fr on my side in absolutely every aspect of the way. Wow….. so fluid. Seamless. Zero guilt. Zero fear.(chills). It’ll be heaven on earth with Laika(chills). Geez. Laika’s fr coming. Nah it’s inevitable as my birthday dawg. I’m fr nailed to seeing Laika come to life (chills). Dawg. I’m ready to be mindblown OMG! I’m grateful the days are passing by faster and faster getting me closer to all of my desires!!!!<33333(chills)I KNOW LAIKA’S MISSINNNNN MEEEEEE<33333333(chills). My energy is tangible validation. Laika reminds me of a warrior (chills). Geez. I saw visions of her I saw how she looks like geez she’s stunning. It’s just. I gotta find an art that may resemble. Laika got samurai energy(chills). Laika hair are samurai hairstyles(chills) OMG THATS SO SEXY. WOW Emily’s heart.. I can feel it.. her sadness over me is very profound(chills). The time chamber shortens everything by over an antonellamania number of years of times. Laika and I make the bestselling movies dance together different stories each time. That’ll make our love story so unbelievably supreme. Laika and I are both are so undefeatingly strong 💍. My intention know what the fuck I mean. My Magic and power knows when to dumb me down to keep me at ease. I love my life now.

#vaunts

0 notes

wyuhing · 3 months

Text

hi i'm wong yuhing

but u can just call me yu (please please PLEASE)

this post will double as my accepted portfolio btw but uh hi

i'm an animation student at seneca college (1st year as of posting) and i decided to make this to log my progress because um, yes.

im like really bad at communicating (like. awful) so i hope you don’t mind (your honor, i plead anxiety)

anyway. portfolio. here u are (almost everything is hand-drawn)

hand drawings

you have no idea how long it took to learn the anatomical parts of the hand. i learned how knuckles were formed

they will teach you this in 1st semester life drawing. the construction of bones in the body, that is. you will finally learn where the metacarpals and are how to get carpal tunnel

i kind of don’t know what else to say

interior drawings

okay i actually do know what to say and it’s that perspective is king. obviously yes it needs to be yknow. a bedroom. with stuff in it. but what they’re looking for is not detail, it’s perspective. if you have a lot of stuff but your perspective is all wrong, that’s not it

like are these lines all going to a vanishing point? are all these objects and furniture sized to scale? that’s what they are looking for, and you will learn Interior Layout Made Easy(TM) in 1st sem. exterior and nature scenes is a 2nd sem thing (and also what i am working on as of posting lol).

it took so many tries to make this bedroom look nice… and they aren’t even from opposite corners lmAO

object drawings

also a structural thing, which you actually learn in layout in 1st sem. actually you can boil down every single object in existence to a series of either a rectangular prism or a cylinder and i am not joking

is this object structurally sound? does the object have form, does it adhere to the vanishing points (that are realistically super far apart)? stuff like that

draw any one object per day i promise you it’s an amazing structural exercise. im SO serious.

figure drawings

idk if you should be asking me about figure drawings i barely got out of 1st sem with my life and a 60 but yeah i don’t think they care what kind of figures they are (like 1m gestures, or 20m poses). the ones i drew were both 15m but uh.

for gestures as you may know. they want the gesture. course it had to be relatively proportionate but they want the life in life drawing. movement, form! good line quality! which you will all learn in 1st sem and actually form is a big thing in 2nd sem too.

also by the end you will be able to know every single bone in the body, you will know where the greater tricantor is and how to draw a pelvis.

but please don’t ask me about life drawing i barely survived that class

personal art

wow i hit the photo limit hooray! anyway, i did yet another interior design. why? im gonna be fr w u i just really like drawing backgrounds LOL- of course it’s messed up in all the wrong places but you will know how to fix this in 1st sem. they teach you all the fundies in 1st sem

my other was character design and tbh i cooked up smth random and let it sit. it’s also my only digital piece. really wish i added color but i was on a time crunch at the time.

o by the way you will also learn how to color and render in 2nd sem, i have a 73 in that class idk how i’m still alive.

so yeah that’s my accepted portfolio yayyyy!!!

your honor i plead neurodivergency i don’t know how to end a tumblr post

#wyh tales #seneca animation #seneca college #art #art portfolio

0 notes

shadycollectivetragedy · 1 year

Text

When the best friend I ever had passed away , it was the most painful experience of my life ,so the criticism of my emotional response was upsetting ,like it was fake

And ask myself what kind of pos would think something like that , without knowing how invested in a person's life another Is,

Known him since I was 8 , and I remember telling myself , he fits the space , you know?

The first thing we ever did together was a Doges game with our dads.

There was a race for a foul ball that he won and the excitement of the moment was mutual , and fromb' that , moment on , he was the most important person in my lIfe

We got stuffed on dogs and cotton candy , peanuts , not him he was deadly allergic to them,

And soda

I went to check on him every day before feeling comfortable enough to go anywhere or do anything .

After high school it was a given we would room together ,

I hated cleaning

He hated cooking

Which was as if it was to be expected for it to be seemless

And it never is , not ever

the ironic thing is self reliant and responsible he was ,

No matter what I served , he would always say ,

There's no peanus in here , right ?

Right , because , you asking that every single time you sit down hasn't done anything that might suggest I understand lol.

I knowm but I do it because it's my job to ask , no one's to tell

Yeah , I grab it

20 years

And at some point it stopped being ok,

Yep

Same as the day before anf the day before that ,

Bro,

STFU with that , I have been so patient with it , but your getting on my dick nerve with that shit ,

And he tried to give me that reasonable, common sense ,being responsible shit , but u was real for it

it's like you have zero trust in pit friendship and it fucks with me , like

Do I have to ask for my change ?

What does that mean

Its a question, do HAVE to say , I want the change or is it a given,

Because it seems like you see things in extremes, so I was wondering if how you see it , is that it's not your job .

Wow,

Have you been watching Oprah ?

yeah ,binging .

But it was the flow , again,

Seem less

20 damn years before I could get him not to ask ,

before he would eat what I had waited what seemed like my entire life to feed him,

To watch his eyes open wider and wider as realization crystalized the moment,

To see his hands clutching at an airway he couldn't reach and wouldn't save him if he could

You choking yourself bro?

That's gonna make it worse but go ahead ,

What wrong ,

You don't ;look good ,

I wonder what could be the problem, I mean we know it's not peanuts right , cuz that's your responsibility remember ?

Did you forget to ask ,

You did huh

Oh wow , that's a tough one,

I would have told you ,I swear I would , but it isn't my issue ,

I'm not the one whose dying now m you are,

OI just don't understand , why you csnt find the time to say 4 words to save your life ?

So casual with it , now look at you .

Looking up at me with those sad puppy dog eyes,

Maybe next time you won't think it's ok to trip someone so you can steal the ball that was coming to them,

Yeah ,just like that,

Remember,

Why did you do that,

Don't be a baby It was fun, we were racing, don't get mad cuz I won,

You won huh , ok

Of everyone I've killed ,

He's the most important person of my entire life

I invested everything in protecting what he meant to me ,

I waited 20 years , because it had to be with the peanuts

So to accuse me of putting on a performance , is really really pissing me off ,

Every single tear was sincere ,

He was the white whale

The first person I swore I'd kill

The impossible one , the errorless one , he was my entire life , killing him was all that mattered ,

Hey

Have I ever shown you the foul ball I got at Dodgers Stadium when I was a kid?

It's my favorite thing

0 notes

unsurprisingly-l · 1 year

Text

i dodged a fucking bullet

oh my god guys so the guy i was talking to. SO MUCH!!!!!

1. he was weird and pushy. i made it very clear within the first WEEK of us speaking i made it very clear that i did not want to date him, and that i liked things in the current standing. i. wanted to meet him after i finished work, so we were planning it out and whatnot and he goes “i want to pick u up from work :)” and i JOKINGLY said “my little service sub” IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWED BY AN LMAO. and i guess. that. confused him or whatever so within the next week or so he referred to himself as “your …” something i forgot but like. “i’m your pet” but not. pet it was something else but that’s how it came across and i was like… chill out w that like you are not mine and i am not yours i said i didn’t want to date and he did it again the next week. and i repeated myself. and again. so i cut him off. 2. in the time we weren’t speaking, i was getting my fucking LIFE together and he. well. he got a haircut, went to a party™️ and had sex* with two girls within the same night and posted a bunch of new ..posts on his insta, and unfollowed me. 3. i didn’t even notice he unfollowed me, until the guilt of just. leaving him in the dark (as i would not like to have been if i were him) built up and i decided to reach out and try and apologize and take accountability. i also didn’t hold any resentment towards him or anything like that bc . i know men are just generally shit and i don’t have time to spend being pressed about a boy. so whatever i reach out to him, and we plan to meet at a park to discuss for full closure 4. the WHOLE TIME,,,,,, he was guilt tripping me and being super melodramatic and emo and cringe and UGH!!!!! . but i was Too Autistic™️ to really be affected by it so when he was like “i’ve been through so much like i’m not who i was before and things are really hard for me right now” and i was like. yeah dude me too like i’ve been at such a low point in my life as of late that the time we spent not talking i spent getting my shit together so i didn’t want to go on a mass killing spree every single day so. i feel you and also you cut your hair and posted a bunch of new posts so you obviously are on some new shit. and details details later he goes “do you think you’re good for me?” and i cringed so fucking hard but didn’t show it and i was like “…considering i don’t want to be in a relationship with you, no” and then EYE wanted to ask abt the party™️ but in like a . haha two girls in one night wow type of way not like. are you fucking shitting me dude bc i feel no possessiveness about him. but then i deemed it inappropriate and didn’t but i had already started the question with “do you..” and he said”yes.” and i was like ??? lol and he was like “i do regret.” and so . EMO and i was like “lol that was Not the question i was gonna ask” and he was like “well that’s the question i’m answering” and i was like “..okay..?” and then it got awkward and i tried to make casual convo and he was like “can we just sit in silence for like 10 mins?” and i was like “okay!” but internally i was like seriously dude this is such a waste of precious work time and kinda just looked around and eventually just couldnt take the silence anymore and started talking again and brought the tension down so we decided to just. Walk Somewhere Else so we start going and after a while of him subtly trying to flirt and me just shutting that shit down every time he asks me if he makes me uncomfortable. also for context, when we were still talking, i told him that i didn’t necessarily trust him because i Don’t Trust Men because of how many of the close ones in my life were fucked up to me so it wasnt Him it was just Men and he wasn’t unreceptive but he obviously didn’t want to hear something like that and he said he didn’t understand but it also didn’t really seem like he wanted to understand. so back to his question i said no, but i don’t really think you respect my boundaries either as you’ve already shown (couple-y pet naming thing), so i know that i can expect for you to cross my boundaries, and i’ll know what i have to do when that happens. and he goes silent and doesn’t say anything until we get to a piece of . Sidewalk with benches and he wordlessly veers off to the right towards the benches and i don’t remember the conversation leading up to it but then he CRIED???? and its not that Man Crying its that its literally not that deep bro you thought you could control me (foreshadowing) and got your ass handed to you and you’re upset as a result. and i wasn’t mean to him at all!!!! i was super nonchalant and chill the whole time because im so mature and know how to handle my emotions (hide them). but he only reached out once after that and i didn’t try to reach back out bc i reflected after and realized just how much he was guilt tripping me.

5. TODAY!! i was talking to a girl that knows him and that *sex he had with those two girls at that party, were two black out drunk girls that he definitely did not get consent from, but got head. he forced some girl to make out with him because he thought she was going in for a kiss and she was just leaning over to grab something and he just. held her in place as he tried to pull away, also a serial unsolicited jerking off video sender, plus more and just being an overall creep. so.. I dodged a fucking bullet

1 note · View note

naturalbornkillass · 2 years

Text

first blog! depressed as hell tho

grammar may be a bit off since i copy and pasted this right from my notes without reading it

june 21st, stressing the fuck out, pulling my hair out, stabbing my paper work with a pencil and wanting to kill myself. I FUCKING HATE GEOMETRY 😭😭😭 MR ARNOLD SPECIFICALLY!!! i hope his car gets showered by bird poop!!

i don’t know how i’ll manage. my practitioner said to use an ice pack and place it behind my neck. I hope it helps. I only met him today, but I already love him. Speaking of such, I finally got a proper diagnosis. Wooo bpd!

i feel like i’ll fail. i usually like to slap the nonsense out of people who derive themselves with negativity before a test, but this is different. My math teacher is a miserable piece of shit because he cant even get any bitches!!! He’s not good with kids at all, and i bet he sits around with his lousy little self in his lousy little room, playing video games all day. He barely does anything to really help with his students, his way of helping is giving motivational speeches where he blames us for not meeting his expectations. He literally recycles all of his work. He gives video lessons when he’s feeling lazy, which is barely a fucking lesson, despite eating up about an hour or more of my life. I’m glad he made us do a year reflection regarding his performance as a teacher because he needs to see and hear how much of a piece of shit and unhelpful teacher he really is. Hopefully he learns from it. Anyways, I wouldn’t be as stressed as I am if I only had one final BUT I HAVE TWO!!

I’m really anxious about history. Not as much as i am with math, but i really want to get into AP psych. Must show colleges how much of a passionate psychology junkie I am so they’ll accept me. anyhow, i’ll catch up with u guys tomorrow. i need to study myself into sleep. i want to die

actually, small rant before i go, i really fucking hate filipino elders, they think theyre the most intelligent of all. Humble yourself, just because you’re older doesnt mean that you know every single thing about the world. They practically insult your intelligence by saying the most generic phrases ever then act like theyre yoda or some shit. wow. thank you for telling me that i’ll do well in school if i focus on my studies. thank you for advising me to be happy and comparing your goddamn struggles and acting like you have it worse than me because quite frankly, i couldnt give less of a fuck. I swear i’ll go in the middle of the streets of new york and pay guys to rape me and take me all the way to Nicaragua to turn me into a sex slave so that maybe, just maybe, i’ll be traumatized enough so that my parents will take my shit seriously.

okay bye. going to study now. going to cry and die. bye gays and slays, will be tuning in tomorrow!

Fav moments of the day:

I love aishwarya fr <3

1 note · View note

keyakyut · 2 years

Text

the stillness always gets so rambunctious when u are left alone and u never clearly understand why. i thought i was getting better, it felt like i was getting better- so why do i still keep wanting i'd just get sicker and sicker? why do I keep hoping one day everyone will leave me behind and I can truly give up without hurting anyone? it is always "u can do better" "u got this" "u are strong" but what if I am not? what if I am struggling just as much if not worse than u? what if i’m only mentioning the good bits? I am not healed yet, I am not better, i am still struggling, i am still at my low point, every single day is another challenge, I still suffer from mental illness, i still suffer from taking care of myself. i may be clean but that doesn't mean i’m not sick still. I still hope that one day i'll fall asleep and never wake up, but i keep waking up. i still loathe eating, and it still makes me fucking sick to do so, but i still keep eating, but that doesnt mean im not sick still. i may have begun to recover but it doesnt mean that im just instantly better. It's still so fucking hard I still have my impulses and still think the same way. i just never open up abt it anymore because life has taught me to shut the fuck up. i have been silenced by so many people that at this point it doesnt feel worth it to open up about whats going on, and some days I really just dont want to explain why i’m feeling like shit because in the first place, i dont even know my own damn self, and often, it's much easier to worry about others than myself and its much easier to care for them than myself. and while i’ll still keep recovering, i’m still going to have my urges, still going to hate myself. it's not easy to just get over it, as much as i wish it was, it's not and sometimes i wish a lot of people could just see that. I truly wish i could just shut my thoughts off, silence my brain for once and just- exist, but I cant, it doesnt work like that, and i cant just get up and look into a mirror and be like "wow u are fucking stunning." some days i can appreciate myself for how i am and the other days i wish i could just yk. i will always hate myself to a point until i dont, and it's going to take quite a while to get to that point, it's going to take a long time to get to point I look at myself and go "wow, I'm so fucking gorgeous" and it's going to take time to be able to look at my food and be like "this looks so good this is going to be awesome" instead of just staring at it for several minutes feeling repulsed and physically sick to my stomach. healing is hard, but in the end, it's worth the fight and struggle i guess??

04-26-22

0 notes