#@ least last yr niko came ovr n we got tipsy like. im getting fucking Wasted tonight but im probably doing it alone bc i dont think my frien

[gumdecay]

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#literally cant stop crying :') the store my brothers getting me vodka from doesnt have svedka n im on the verge of a fucking meltdown ovr it #lmfao like i probably cant blame it entirely on being here but fuck i hate being here :') my emotion regulation is worse than i can remember #it being licherally since i was fucking 16 n tried 2 kill myself 4x in 6 months lol so like :') hm :') #i feel pathetic lmao all my problems r so fucking small like :') ive been thru shit way worse than this i shld b able 2 handle it!! but im #not :') genuinely considered just taking my stash of pills n od'ing until i remembered how much money saved like :') that wld b 2 much of a #waste 2 die when i have 800 cash saved up +750 coming in tomorrow. like thatd just b stupid. but fuck i wanna die lol!! :') #happy new yrs im spending mine Evn More suicidal than i did last yr!! lol!! #@ least last yr niko came ovr n we got tipsy like. im getting fucking Wasted tonight but im probably doing it alone bc i dont think my frien #d is actually gnna come ovr which like.. hnstly is probably bttr bc i dont wanna subject being in this house 2 nyone else lmao but. fuck. i #am lonely & i was supposed 2 spend 2day (and yesterday! lol!) w b & he just :') idek if its excuses or real @ this point but FUCK am i tired #of him getting my hopes up n then crushing them w/o a second thot lol :') he said some unintelligable shit n i asked what n he said 'i just #mean i know its hard trying to see me' n i said oh well ya u dont make it easy esp when u get me so excited 2 see u n then st Always Comes #Up n i dont actually get to :') + i have a friends bday next weekend so i wont b able 2 see u for a while unless u take off work #n like......... rather than addressing NYTHING he just says 'ill try to make it work during the week' like ok fuck u #i cant evn break up w him now bc he said hed buy me a phone n ive needed a new phone for like..... at least since summer so like 4+ months #not that i was probably Actually gnna b able 2 break up w him b4 bc im fucking. stupid n pathetic. lmao but :') im tired! im tired :') #genuinely wish id nvr met him bc i STILL fucking care abt him evn tho he does this shit constantly :') he doesnt evn pay me nymore like. #how fucking pathetic is it 2 let ur sd talk u out of dating 4 money n b exclusive 4 him n not evn hate him 4 it. lmao. this post is a wreck #i need 2 start my new fucking journal so i can stop posting this shit where ppl can fucking. see. lmfao :') pathetic!! #also my brother just got home w my vodka n its. the tiniest fucking bottle. like probably not enough 2 get me as drunk as i want evn if i #drink it all quickly :') im :') :') :') :')