First thing I saw when I open my tumblr and I thought this tumblr idea of April fools day prank
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[at Peter's funeral]
Natasha: *places her hand on the headstone and sobs*
Natasha: How could you do this to me? We are so understaffed.
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Chat Noir: *randomly hugs Marinette*
Marinette: What are you doing?
Chat Noir: Appreciating the little things in life.
Marinette:
Marinette: Die.
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Chekov: Can I ask a question, Keptin?
Kirk: Sure. Shoot.
Chekov: *pulls out phaser, shoots the ceiling*
Chekov: Can I ask my question now?
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Caleb, sick: [pours Nyquil and orange juice in his coffee]
Caduceus: You would make a fascinating toxicology lesson.
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All of my life
Cullen: All of my life flashed before my eyes.
Cullen: It was really boring.
https://cutt.ly/iw0kfIjv
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The Blackthorn Family running a restraunt
Julian: The head chef barking orders at everyone and analyzing every dish.
Mark: The dishwasher who basically fills the whole kitchen in a cloud of steam
Helen: The bartender because she's the only one legally allowed.
Aline: The hostess who sits people she doesn't like by the bathrooms
Dru: The rollerskating waitress balancing 8 hot plates on her arms and smiling through gritted teeth
Livvy: The finance guy drowning in receipts because people can't be bothered to add their own tips
Ty: The pastry chef who actually knows the difference between macaroons and macarons
Tavvy: They legally can't make him do anything except wipe down the menus
Emma: The customer who's there so often she's on a nickname basis with everyone else
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Peter: Of course I became a crime lord. My entire existence is illegal.
Derek: ...Explain.
Peter: Well, if I'm legally dead, then I'm illegally alive, therefore: crime lord.
Derek: ...That's not— that—
Boyd: No, the logic is sound.
(source)
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Athena, dramatically: Life spares no sympathy for the eldest child :(
Dionysus: You may have been the first born, but I was the first dead, bitch.
Zeus: Dionysus, please.
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Red Fans Bonding
Tim: Welcome to Applebee's would you like Apples or Bees?
Black Mask (visibly sweating): I'm allergic to Apples-
Tim: He wants the Bees!
Jason (shaking a hive in a trashbag): Open wide-
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Steve: You have to believe me!
Bucky: Steve, you are the last good person on this earth. I would believe cartoon birds combed your hair this morning.
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Halbrand: I got you something that will make you happy. I call them "Opposite Tortures."
Galadriel: You mean presents?
Halbrand: Yes, that's better, thank you.
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Peter: You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if she has hooves? Probably a horse.
Natasha: Probably?
Peter: You don't want to know.
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Mcgonagall: Mister Kim, I need you to fill out another application, this time do it correctly.
Jae: Why?
Mcgonagall: You put "Pizza" as your gender, pizza is not a gender.
Jae: but everyone wants a piece of me.
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Derek: I don't know how you did it.
Stiles: What?
Derek: Kept it together during those two months that I went missing. Two days I didn't know where you were and it nearly killed me.
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Okay every time I see a batfam headcanon post I cannot stop seeing your sarcastic post about "favorite batfam drinks" and how does it feel to be the most correct person in fandom?
Haha. Every time I come across a Batfam™ post that lavishes attention on the Batboys™ and only tacks on the others as boring afterthoughts, I bitterly mutter: "Cass likes WATER!" "Duke's favorite color is BEIGE!" "Stephanie enjoys BREATHING AIR!"
And so I decided to infect you guys with my internal monologue.
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