So I gotta ask in the age gap Au has Raph tried to make Mikey call Leo “mama” or something like to mess with him or annoy him?
I don't think so. See, Raph isn't as competitive with Leo as he is in cannon. He actually (secretly) looks up to his big brother and tries to be like him. I think if anyone's going to tease Leo for mother henning his little bros, it would probably be Casey and/or Karai.
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Following up with the "Shadow Sickness" post imma jot down Shadow Sickness headcanons for my own main OC Holly Steelcry. y'know if anyone cares (solemnly and bashfully kicks at the ground with dirty sneakers /j)
"Shadow Sickness" headcanons for The Thing™
The progression of Shadow Sickness (regular state of mind -> corruption of mind and soul -> complete madness and/or eventual death) varies from person to person, for any reason. Holly's state of Shadow Sickness could be considered Halted (still suffering from symptoms but no longer actually "sick") due to how slooooow the progression is. They're in a "gray area" state where she's not developing new symptoms but her existing ones are gradually worsening
Holly first became "infected" when they learned Shadow Magic for the first time, but their symptoms started IMMEDIATELY, which is extremely uncommon. The first symptom Holly displayed was a Tulpa, a physical manifestation of their survivor's guilt of the destruction of Azteca. This would eventually lead to their second symptom of the Shadow Sickness, the physical scarring in which the survivor's guilt manifested - darkened streaks curled around their shoulders and down her back, appearing to resemble blackened, burnt feathers. This would be the first scar of three. (This particular scar brings feelings of shoulder and back discomfort: involuntary back and shoulder twitching, tiny muscle spasms, slight pain, and an occasional burning sensation).
Since then no more Tulpas would manifest, but more physical scarring would appear over time. The second scar resembles a clawed, skeletal hand curling around the front of Holly's throat. The "fingers" are long and crooked and wrap around her jugular and close snugly across her entire neck (this scar causes a sensation of asphyxiation; the tightness/closing of the throat and a loss of oxygen. Rarely it will cause a sore throat and when these feelings flare up, Holly will either go silent completely, repeatedly and audibly gulps, or pauses to take deep open-mouthed breaths of air). This scar starts to appear by the end of Khrysalis and fully manifests by the end of Mirage. It represents the helpless feelings of being forever bound to Shadow combined with the subconscious fear of fully succumbing to its temptations and madness until there is nothing of reason left.
The third (and final thus far) scar to appear is a swath of darkness that stretches across Holly's face and covers both eyes and the bridge of her nose, which appears to look like an eye mask, or the face of a raccoon (this scar is what caused Holly's eyesight to go bad, so much so that without them, Holly can only see light. They cannot distinguish any colors or shapes. This scar also causes intermittent exotropia [the occasional wandering of their right eye, facing outward], and headaches). This scar first started to appear in Karamelle and was fully manifested by the end of Novus. This scar represents the full embrace of the "false" identity Holly adopted of being Bartleby's Scion, and the deep-rooted belief of being inhuman and therefore better or superior than normal humans. It is when Holly accepts the dehumanization of her from everyone around them. (But hey, at least it covers their constant eyebags! ✌🏾)
Other symptoms would include the temporary loss of body control and mild hallucinations. Since Holly's Shadow Sickness is not yet in the most severe stage, she is fully conscious and sound of mind when these episodes happen.
The most common physical episode is when Holly's entire body suddenly goes rigid in a state of paralysis. Stiff like a board and can only move when someone moves them, but will involuntarily snap right back into position. It's spooky to see someone look so tense and frightened but their expression is nonchalant and a bit tired. "Yeah, it happens." This usually lasts for around a minute or two.
Other physical episodes include jumping straight up into the air, suddenly dropping and rolling, the tensing and flexing of their hands like retractable claws, and suddenly switches languages (English to Shadow Language) mid sentence. These are not repeated in a row and only last for seconds before Holly is able to control their movements again and gets back up to resume what she was doing before.
Holly's hallucinations are mild and few and far in between and almost never cause distress. The most common are visions of Shadow Shrikes wandering in the wild and disappearing behind trees, poles, buildings, etc. The only interaction these hallucinations have with Holly is that sometimes they will look up to glance at them before moving on.
The more severe and distressing hallucinations are even rarer. An auditory hallucination of a distant, long whistle above their head, a sound akin to something falling. This usually startles Holly into a physical episode of losing body control to jump up or drop down and roll. They never see anything in the sky when their head snaps up to look, though.
The second is a visual and auditory hallucination of a parliament of owls or an unkindness of ravens stalking Holly from a distance that appears to get closer with every glance. Upon closer inspection their faces and beaks are warped in uncanny, human expressions of anger and judgement. These hallucinations never seem to be violent but give off feelings of unease and malaise.
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Can we talk about how Aziraphale has managed to maintain his softness in such a toxic situation? Heaven chides him for it (e.g.: every interaction with Gabriel pre-Jim). Heaven is so sterile, so cold and calculating and corporate. It’s so easy to break down in an environment like that, to think “I care too much” while there’s nothing you can do to change the nature of the system, and eventually you just… give in and stop caring. But after over 6,000 years (and apparently even LONGER than that?!), Aziraphale didn’t give in.
Aziraphale continues to be excited by humanity, to enjoy and indulge in music, food, books, dance, drinks, classes (like French and magic); all things Heaven would disapprove of. And what’s more, Crowley helped him do that. Crowley introduced Aziraphale to one of his greatest joys in life: food. Crowley gave Aziraphale encouragement with his magic act, reassuring him that he’s a professional. Any unkind remarks Crowley makes aren’t actually malicious, and Aziraphale knows that. Crowley tells Aziraphale, “You can’t leave this bookshop.” When Heaven was starting to break Aziraphale down in the Job episode, Crowley’s kindness to the kids and goats gave him a reason to hope.
Crowley helps Aziraphale maintain his softness, his goodness, against the harshness of Heaven, and I’m curious what’s going to happen when he’s alone in Heaven with no escape from all the heartless wankers and no Crowley to ground him.
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Woke up by kylar at 3 am but instead of usual creepy stalker things this time he just had a nightmare and really want some cuddles
sigh im already lifting up the covers for him to crawl in.
he'd be like "i-i had a nightmare..." all sad and what not but it's 3 am and you both have school tomorrow. you can't conjure up any anger at the moment (bc you were just woken up by the sound of kylar's sniffles) so you just sigh and roll over, beckoning him to slide into bed.
he LATCHES onto you when he sleeps btw. like. you're not getting up to move unless you take kylar with you bc he grabs in his sleep. he's very cute tho. aside from the constant breathing down your neck if he's the big spoon. if you're spooning him it's sososo cute bc kylar will not sleep unless he's face to face with you so it isn't even proper spooning.
maybe its summer and you don't want to cuddle with him... kylar will just rip the blankets off you like :). he NEEDS your cuddles you can't possibly take them away from him... yeah you're both sweating and kylar is definitely licking it off you when you wake up.
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jjk s1 and s2 spoilers
caught up to the jjk anime this week and damn, hits hard
Animation is stellar, the characters are really fun, there's themes that really hit me hard and godamn the ending of jjk 0 actually made me cry, like tears were shed. I understood why my brother loved the movie lmao
but rn there's one man on my mind. Gojo fucking satoru
Gojo Satoru is just, wow, what hasn't been said about him? He's certainly a showstopper alright, I know Itadori's the protagonist but my eyes were on Gojo the entire time, season 2 personally was even more exciting with that in mind.
I haven't really had the time to do a deep dive on him, but I do have some thoughts... First, yeah he's hot asf I'll give him that (those eyes of his are on my mind and they won't leave me alone, also props to the english dub for the absolutely feral lines)
but the progression of him as a person is also really fun to see. I'm especially interested in him maturing from this arrogant and individualistic person at the beginning of season 2 to... well, still being that but also becoming a mentor to other people.
Like, that's such a huge step for me because contrary to what his pride tells him, he's come to realize he can't do it alone (I mean, he can at the moment but it's more realistic to try and personally raise these youth with potential so that they may bring about a powerful new generation)
The line about education really hit me and I kept thinking about it these last couple of days. He wants to bring change, but if he's the only one humanity has to rely on, he'll run himself ragged. And so, he takes the time and patience to grow these little seedlings, watch them get more powerful but also watch as they may fail along the journey. Even though he's become a teacher, he's not soft on them at all. It's a fact that if they're unable to keep up with him, they will get left behind. Whether that be in skill, or death.
Other than to raise more powerful sorcerers, I can't help but feel this also comes from a place of loneliness, because Geto left him.
I wonder, how much it will hurt to see his students fall? Because although they are improving at a fast rate, can they really keep up with The Gojo Satoru? Or will they against all odds, with his full support, be able to carry on when he's gone? Despite the uncertainty, he continues to teach.
Though the goal is daunting, seeing him wake up to his students and smiling brought such a warm feeling to my chest, it was so sweet.
Also love how unhinged he can get, like characters who do the manic smile thing never ceases to make me giggle excitedly (Nobara and Fushiguro also knocked it out of the park in that aspect, extremely hyped when they went completely off the hinge and kicked ass).
However, there's one scene that absolutely left me in awe. A beautiful mixture of music and imagery that sent shivers up my body every time I watch it. A scene in which he's shown being a mixture of unhinged, yet so at "peace". The juxtaposition is absolutely beautiful to see.
Fighting against toji, where he was high off his epiphany, he had an inner monologue so quiet, so relaxed and detached from how he usually is, coupled with the same piano tune that accompanied the scenes with him, Riko and Geto in the background. My breath was taken away, my eyes were glued to the screen in awe as the music crescendo-ed, and I couldn't help but think "he's beautiful" splattered in blood, bathed in sunlight and eyes glowing with the most vibrant blue.
After the dust had settled, the three of them lost something that day. Riko lost her life, Gojo started to lose his best friend, and Geto started to lose his moral compass and ideals.
The piano music was called "一緒なら" or "If I am with you/together". I wonder why? Perhaps the first time, it was from Riko's POV, as she, Gojo, Geto and Kuroi were sightseeing for the very last time.
The second time, although Gojo seemed detached from Riko's death, perhaps he genuinely cared for her, so much that he'd mourn in his own way.
The arc started with Gojo carrying Riko in his arms
The arc ended with Gojo holding Riko's dead body as the crowd celebrated her death.
He started to lose it, even asking Geto if he should kill all of them. Funny how the tables have turned.
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