#AAAAA this has been on my mind for an eternity!!!

[riddlerosehearts]

i completely forgot to mention on here that i recently won one of those $10 hamilton ticket lotteries and the show is on tuesday but for some reason i don't get to know what kind of seats my tickets are for until the day of and i'm like. dying over here. please i need to know if i got the most garbage seats imaginable or not.

#i haven't really posted about musical theater on here in an eternity because that interest of mine has been laying dormant in my mind #for various reasons that are mostly pandemic related #but i DO love hamilton not for the weird fandom but just because the musical itself is neat #never thought i'd get to see it live so i'm very excited but also so nervous about the seats aaaaa #this kind of uncertainty kills me

[randomingoftherandomness]

I'm sorry but I need to request at least one of these lol I'm having a sad day and want my beloveds to suffer too lmao I'm looking for Yuanzhi sacrificing himself for Shangjue and angst plsssss 😭

Aaaaa I’m so sorry you had a bad day :( Bad days are part and parcel of days, unfortunately. I hope this fic offers you some measure of comfort ❤️ Sorry that it’s a little bit late.

Tags: Angst, Injured Yuanzhi, Hurt/No Comfort, Whump, Gong Shangjue x Gong Yuanzhi

—

Black is a good colour.

It hides the dirt and dust from your travels, and it is a practical choice when you’re planning to get up to some skullduggery. It’s fantastic if you’re trying for subterfuge.

Just like how Yuanzhi is trying to hide the way that he’s bleeding out from his side.

He’d seen the blow and instinctively taken it for Shangjue before he even realised it had been done. Lucky, or perhaps in some measures unlucky, for him Shangjue had been too focused on rejoining Ziyu and Zishang in the main hall to have paid attention to how he was favouring his left side.

Better him than Gege. Better he than the one person in this world he cannot bear to lose.

But luck is running out and black can only hold the colour but if can't keep the spiderwebbing trickles from going down his leg and staining his hand.

Shangjue gege has probably noted the way his movements are a little slower, had probably sniffed out the fresh scent of rust on him. Yuanzhi doesn’t know how long his excuse that he just got some of the blood from that last fight on him can hold.

His mind runs in a million directions.

Was it just this morning that he woke up in the warmth and safety of his bed? Was it just last night that he kissed his Gege's lips? Or was it an eternity ago since he told Shangjue he loved him?

A soft sound of inquiry jolts him out of his thoughts. If he had any blood left to give, he’d probably blush under the scrutiny.

“We should get you to Elder Yue,” Gege says evenly, grasping at his elbow. Yuanzhi shivers at the fanning of his breath against his skin, his own going a bit short. Shangjue presses close.

His vision goes a bit dark and he stumbles. Dimly, he thinks he hears Gege calling for him and wants to reach out to him.

There's a cottony cloud that films over him, keeping him veiled from the pain that should be shooting up his side with the way his body falls and falls and falls.

The last thought he has is a tired musing of whether Shangjue would mourn him if he wasn't here.

He hopes he will.

#my journey to you fic #my journey to you #gong shangjue x gong yuanzhi #shangzhi #juezhi #gab writes stuff #yuanzhi getting injured to protect his gege is. A+++

[effyrosemary]

For Achilles

5. If this character were a woman, would you honestly still like them? Or in reverse, what if they were a man?

18. Do you prefer to see this character suffer or know peace? Angst or comfort? Both?

46. How much do bad interpretations of this character upset you?

and for Tarquin

48. What’s your favorite physical/design feature for this character?

12. If you could write effortlessly and as much as you wanted, what story (s) would you write for this character?

For Achilles

If this character were a woman, would you honestly still like them? Or in reverse, what if they were a man?

Yes, I would still like him if he were a woman, but in a different way. Achilles as a man is interesting in itself to me because he has been perceived as behaving in a different kind of masculine way than most men from those times. In stories throughout history, he never felt extremely over-masculine to me, because he always seemed to have another more 'feminine' side. I can go on talking about this for some time, but I'm just pointing out that in a story/time where the essence was lying heavy on hypermasculinity, he also showed another far less masculine side and I like that. If he were a woman, that 'contrast' would not be there, so therefore it would be different, but I would still like him.

Do you prefer to see this character suffer or know peace? Angst or comfort? Both?

Know peace and comfort and guilt. So both. A way to coexist, and to accept the past. But I will never say no to reading a story where he's super angsty and suffering of course, since reading about men suffering is a guilty pleasure :)

How much do bad interpretations of this character upset you?

I do not mind when people don't like him. He has done some atrocious things, and I can very well imagine people being put off by him, that's very understandable. However, bad interpretations of his characters and his actions do upset me a little. Especially when it's someone who disregards his entire character and will not hear otherwise. Once read this tweet that said "me trying to articulate my agony when people reduce Achilles' decision to withdraw from the war simply as "he's just sulked alone in his tent haha" instead of interrogating his eternal development and questions about his relationship to war." and yeah, exactly that.

For Quinn

What’s your favorite physical/design feature for this character?

The fact he's the tallest of them. I personally don't care about height in real life at all, but I love how he's gentle, not intimidating at all, and just towering over everyone. Also, the fact he himself doesn't really care to be tall, he wouldn't mind being shorter I think. In fact, he wants to be shorter than Lestat, but he isn't :3 So that and the fact he has black wavy hair and blue eyes, love that for him.

If you could write effortlessly and as much as you wanted, what story (s) would you write for this character?

I would write about him meeting the rest of the group, him being one of them, him meeting Louis HIM MEETING ARMAND, ARMAND WOULD BE SO MEAN TO HIM I JUST know Armand will be like why are you so good-natured, what is wrong with you aaaaa I would love to write it all. Everything Anne never gave him, unfortunately. Also all a lot of Lestat x Quinn smut

#thank you for the ask dorian #i love you #achilles #tarquin blackwood #justice for tarquinn blackwood #quinn blackwood #blackwood farm #armand #the vampire armand #tvc

[eden-falls]

Thank you for answering my ask....if you don't mind me asking (again), who are your favorite romantic relationship's couples in books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series (can be canon or non-canon)? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

hi again!!!! ive never answered any questions before yours!!!!!!! i'll write about 10 ships like my character post. spoilers for each series will probably be present

some runner-ups:

• yuu and touko (bloom into you)

• yatoyota (blue period)

• sangcheng (mdzs)

• galolio (promare)

• renga (sk8 the infinity)

• sherliam (moriarty the patriot)

• reisuka (evangelion)

• akanene (toilet-bound hanako-kun)

• neirika (wonder egg priority)

• diakko (little witch academia)

• nezushi (no. 6)

10. shinomitsu (seraph of the end)

they have more chemistry than yuu with either of them. their antics are so silly i really love them so much!!

9. leon and count d (petshop of horrors)

(there's better pics of them but i like this one)

GODDDD THEY MAKE ME SO MAD. d. YOURE IN LOVE WITH HIM YOU DUMBASS. stop running away from your love you look stupid. all hopes for a reunion are gone at this point but they'll always be precious.

8. howl and sophie (howl's moving castle)

they're not cishet if they're both nonbinary lesbians. boom no straights on this list!

7. victuuri (yuri on ice)

i mean theyre on everyone's list. epitome of pure love. THEY GOT ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!

6. madohomu (madoka magica)

homura's eternal devotion to saving madoka no matter how many times she has to redo is a pure testament of her love for her. its so endearing and sad that she loves her so much but she can never save her.

5. kaebedo (genshin impact)

(edit above by me lol)

my favourite ship in genshin!! the possibilities for these two are endless even going off the tiny amount of information we have about their relationship. klee mentioning that albedo paints kaeya (enough for it to be noticeable for her) drives me CRAZY. i think there's a lot of potential for them in the story at the end!!!

4. vanoe (the case study of vanitas)

GGRGRGRHRHRRRRERR they make me. aaaaa. i want to put them in my mouth and shake them. their chemistry is INSANE. it breaks my heart knowing how their story will probably end but for now awwww cottagecore husbands <3

3. soukoku (bungou stray dogs)

i've been obsessed with them for 2 years. its out of my hands now! they would be in the number 1 spot if not for... gosh can u guess...

1. suouni (children of the whales)

listen. i will die on this hill. nobody else agrees with me but. they're just my absolute faves. they make me so happy!?????? everything about them sends me into the stratosphere. the issue of the sasa keeps me up at night. only suou can truly save ouni (ignores other parts of canon). theyre soulmates and meant to be thank u for coming to my ted talk.

#shinoa #mitsuba #owari no seraph #seraph of the end #pet shop of horrors #howl's moving castle #victuuri #yuri on ice #mahou shoujo madoka magica #madoka magica #genshin impact #kaebedo #kaeya #albedo #vanoe #vanitas #noe #vanitas no carte #the case study of vanitas #soukoku #skk #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd #children of the whales #cotw #kujira no kora wa sajou ni utau #kujira no kora #suou #ouni

[fanfic-soada]

Falling Ashes ch.1

Author’s notes

This story takes place a month after the events of s1 of Wednesday. Everyone is split up and Xavier has been free of visions. That is until one night when he once again dreams of the hyde Tyler, yet this time something’s different. Tyler doesn’t seem to be the only one in control. Another mystery being is revealed.

Prologue

*has descriptions of slight gore

The edge of the forest buckled under the weight of the stormy sky above. All around me sounds of furious light pounded against my temples as every sensation overwhelmed my most basic thoughts.

I knew this vision far more than I should, for it wasn’t mine but that of another. His name was Tyler; a hyde whose murderous rages possessed my dreams and dragged me to waking nightmares. Just a month had passed since my last episode. I almost feel shameful to admit this, but when I wake, my grief at their return far exceeded any horror I feel at their content.

In breathless words, I felt a ravenous bellow escape my chest, “Master… Creator,” My soul, Tyler’s soul was a string tuned to play the monster’s rhythm. It cackled at a joke its own, all the while pressing a gnarled finger deeper and deeper into its splitting chest. Caged within the beast, I winced from the pain. “You d-don’t like the it d-do you?!” It called me from the vague recesses of its unconscious to the visceral horrors of flesh.

“Aaaaa!” A knot of twisted vines lodged just bellow the surface were swiftly wrenched out by the creature. With sudden, sporadic motion, the world tumbled around me in a whirlwind. I was now free of the monster’s body. A gravity formed between us as ghostly tendrils weaved their way back through a scarlet stained gash prominent against its ivory white rib.

“Y-You!” It’s broken speech quickly shifted into that of an intelligent voice, “I see the village boy finally learned my creator’s secrets.” It waited for me to answer, expectantly.

Stunned at the changed, I responded, “I-I…” My voice hid at the back of my throat knowing more of the dangers than I did myself, “Y-you, what are you?” A tremor overtook the dream. Each of my words fell with a heavy power. Nonetheless, the monster seemed wholly unaffected. Again I spoke, “What are you!” And again these words seemed to pull at the dream’s foundations. The borders of my vision tightened around me to form an echo as it amplified the question to piercing volume.

‘What are you?’

‘What are you!!’

‘What are you!!’

‘What are you!!!’

‘What are you!!!!’

Everything around me shook in untethered violence. Everything except for the creature’s eyes. A hyde’s eye are easy to remember. Too large for their skulls, they hold back an insatiable, rabid lust trapped and bulging out. Visions of this creature haunted my thoughts too often for me to forget them, and yet I couldn’t recognize them from any of my works.

They were deep and knowing, both possessing an ancient and cunning intelligence. Two eternal suns, I burned under their gaze. All my senses fired together. From the recess of my unconscious, two blots of yellow advanced against my mind. Wordless and thoughtless the beast’s will infected mine until I could not know which direction to look was my own.

I closed my eyes in a futile effort to hind from them. Even then, I couldn’t escape their stare. I’ve heard the sweet voice of a siren. It coddles and lulls one into a complacent bliss. There is no worry, for one’s own desires are united with it in perfect symphony.

The control I felt now was violent and imposing. It felt no need to convince. Slowly, it crushed me from within until all I knew were the distorted cries of my last words, reduced to near intelligible squeals.

“L-L-LE-LET ME G-GO!”

Without warning, the pressure simply stopped as if it were never there. The trees swayed in a summer breeze. The birds sang their songs to the world bellow as crickets played their own. The beast which had seemed so formidable only seconds before sat on its knees, merely human convulsing. I was reminded of when I was younger. Playing too soon after a meal could leave me nauseous and incapacitated. My friends would run away scared of “catching” it. That’s what I saw in it. A child abandoned at the edge of a forest. A strange pity welled within me.

“Are you ok?” I had no legs to step with but something compelled me to tread lightly.

I heard him then, that voice I’d know for so long. It was raw and ragged from weeks of elongation, “w-wake up…” He looked up at me with Tyler’s eyes bloodshot and wet with tears he’d been unable to cry for so long. Thats when I fully recognized his emaciated body. “Go.” I heard his words in a faltering whisper. I wanted to stay, yet they carried a command.

I told myself to wake up. But I couldn’t. A burst of thunder boomed out from the horizon. The calm had passed. I turned to face the growing storm. Behind me, Tyler was again violently convulsing. I didn’t know what to do, thankfully I didn’t have to.

Suddenly, I felt the pull of the creature. Tendrils, which had been content to swirl aimlessly around, spun together into an ethereal tether. It dragged me back into the beast’s heart. The storm had already reached its peak. As I left, Tyler’s voice rung out against a thunderclap, “Save me… Please…”

#wednesday netflix #tyler galpin #xavier thorpe #fanfic #mystery #action #Falling Ashes #descriptions of gore #prologue #tyler x xavier #build up #first person pov #pov Xavier

[chloe--bug]

aaaaa

I wished that there was a world in which the things he said to me were true. I wished for longer fingernails, too, and I wished for rainier days and a different voice and I wished and I wished and I wished, and then I got still and quiet for a while, and it was nice. I found that that neglected, hungry yearning to be filled and shaped and made whole was leaving me perennially thirsty for more than any one’s cup could hold. That time I spent asking for nothing and hoping for nothing and letting myself be whatever and pretending like life wasn’t real was new for me. That contentedness hums within you, and it keeps you warm. I am, at the core, too much of a lover girl to let that last forever, though. 

I’ve always been magic. It sparkles on my skin and I feel it breathe inside of me. I create things from thin air, and my words are always so cardinal, and I just know things. I knew when I met him that I would like him for a long time, that he would love me for longer. The natural warmth of my mind has always impressed me, for it can so easily ignite into something hotter, this burning, mystical tool that I just started using on accident one day. My magic frightens me sometimes, though; I feel like every word that leaves my mouth grows roots in my days and grows into something oh so real, so often so tangible I’m convinced I’m practicing some sort of witchcraft. I say I’d like to have something and it’s in my lap before I even finished talking. I realize through this that I often don’t actually know what I want. 

I accidentally asked the universe to remind me of someone I was beginning to forget. I hadn’t thought about him in a while, now I miss him like I am a baby missing her blanket. It is not that I have yet to love another, but rather it is that no other will be the first to open me up and look through my insides as he did. Even at my most heartsick, I loved every inch of him; I looked up at him as though he was a saint in between my legs. All I felt was devotion; it swelled inside of me and ate me alive and drowned me again and again. I once believed that when I shed my mortal form, my devotion would dissipate out of me and crawl into him, finally free of the vessel creating the borders between it and him. No longer aching to hold him or make him belong to me, only mirthful in his skin.

Love for another hurts, it just hurts no matter what. The ache of yearning is alive and well and wonderful inside of me and everyone I know. There will always be a friction between two people, two lovers, an irreconcilable difference flickering. Where we meet the parts of each other that are strange and confusing and we either give up on them or get past them or swallow them. I find that others are often chuckling at me or looking at me a little sideways, amused maybe, but never really kindred to the person I am. I’m so drawn to someone that can get my mind, the strange parts and the smart ones and the sad ones. Love is to see the eternal flame that burns within its differences, maybe. I can’t remember the last time someone saw me like that, other than him, that’s the thing. 

I cried to my mother on the phone today, I hate holding this sadness in the same hands I held it in when I was sixteen, I hate how heavy it is and I hate how familiar it is. There is a magnet within me that wants to be near him. It pulls and hauls me like a rag baby being contended for by a circle of hungry dogs. Oh, I’m so humiliated.

[touyaz]

❝ WE ARE ENDLESSLY BOUND BY LOVE. ❞

includes: bakugou, shouto, hawks, dabi, shigaraki x gn reader

small moments of intimacies; a glimpse into holding their hearts.

notes aka what it’s like dating these touch-starved boys, my dearest darlings ♡

minors, ageless & blank blogs don’t follow me, you will be blocked.

+

BAKUGOU KATSUKI ;

♡ him gently guiding you with a hand on your elbow or lower back, always keeping you in his line of sight when you’re out together

♡ helping each other dress: you fixing his tie, him zipping up your jacket; you wrapping a scarf around his neck, him kneeling in front of you to redo your laces

♡ him burying his face in the crook of your neck, soft breaths warming your skin as he closes his eyes and lays there with his arms wound around your body

♡ learning how to give a massage just so you can treat his arms, his hands, his shoulders, when he overworks his muscles

♡ kissing the tip of his nose and watching his cheeks flush right after as he looks away

TODOROKI SHOUTO ;

♡ sitting beside him, your head on his shoulder, his head on yours, sharing earbuds as you rest for the moment

♡ soft kisses to his wrist and the palms of his hands, drawing over the faint scars there with a feather-light touch

♡ peeling oranges and feeding them to him; placing the sticker that’s on the fruit on the back of his hand

♡ holding his face in your hands before kissing his forehead and down the slope of his nose; nudging his nose with yours before pecking his lips

♡ him having a list of things you enjoy on his phone; him gifting you random items purely because they remind him of you, like a handmade ring or a pretty shell

HAWKS | TAKAMI KEIGO ;

♡ looking at him only to find him already gazing at you fondly; him smiling at you when you make eye contact

♡ him laying down with his ear to your chest, falling asleep to the sound of your breathing with his arms wrapped tightly around you

♡ tracing over the scars that litter his body, tenderly kissing along each one

♡ sitting behind him in the bathroom to tend to his wings, delicately treating the plume of feathers before blow drying them to keep him warm

♡ drawing over the markings on his face before kissing his eyelids

DABI | TODOROKI TOUYA ;

♡ standing behind him as you dye his hair together, listening intently as he guides you through the process; him peering up at you with a soft, grateful look in his eyes whenever you’re too focused on his hair

♡ him laying down with his head on your lap, dragging your hand to his head so you play with his hair

♡ feeding him strawberries and wiping away the juice when it trickles down his lips

♡ his hand searching for yours whenever you share a bed, his ankle knocking against yours when he twines his legs with yours 

♡ teaching him how to cook, and doing simple tasks together — cutting the vegetables with your hand on his over the knife, stirring a pot of sauce with your hand wrapped in his around the spoon

SHIGARAKI TOMURA ;

♡ sitting behind him and brushing his hair, combing out the tangles and weaving your fingers through the strands to gently scratch his head

♡ him looking down at your hands, comparing their sizes, running a finger along the lines of your palms in wonder

♡ interlocking pinkies when you sit besides one another

♡ making eye contact whenever he speaks; turning to face him whenever he talks passionately about something

♡ holding his hands in yours as you massage cream into them; asking him to lay down so you can circle the areas around his eyes, gently rubbing lotion into his skin

#AAAAA this has been on my mind for an eternity!!! #mha fluff #bnha fluff #mine #mine.bnha

[withloveajaxx]

Congrats in 500! 🥳🥳🥳 i've been following u for awhile now, and i don't regret it.

If it's fine, can i have a bouquet of two-toned carnation, marigold and yellow rose for either zhongli, diluc, or thoma

pls make it angst as u can

(idk if im doing this right, pls ignore if it's wrong👹im also wondering if we can be mutuals/friend, though im still shy to interact)

❁ prompt/s: "it's okay you can let me go." + "you're as beautiful as the day i lost you." + "you look happier." + thoma

❁ warnings: mentions of character death and grieving/breakdowns

❁ summary: after your passing, thoma sees you in his dream for a final goodbye

❁ note: AAAAA HELLO HELLO THANK YOU SO MUCH <33 i picked out thoma for this one-shot i hope you don't mind ^^ and also dwdw you did this correctly, thank you for this request!! and yes ofc we can be moots givinf you a follow rn hehe

thoma knew it was his fault. he was at fault of his own sleepless nights and restless, tiring days. the fatigue and exhaustion that heavily weighed down on his figure was nothing but his own doing. 

if only he hadn't allowed you to fight in the war against the raiden shogun's army during the vision hunt decree. if he could've just accompanied you through the battles you fought on the terrains of the land of eternity, this wouldn't have happened. your death would not have occured. 

he hadn't gotten any sleep since he was informed of your passing. ever since you were taken from the world, thoma had thrown himself into work, helping those around inazuma in any ways he could after the vision hunt decree ended. 

anyone could tell that thoma was tired. his welcoming and warm smile no longer reached his ears, his voice usually nervous or strained. he was trying so hard to hold on to his composure. but with every second he realizes you were truly gone, he slowly started to slip. 

ayaka had taken notice of his behavior, gently forcing him to take a rest, to take time to properly grieve and accept that you were no longer with him. 

that night ayaka had forced him to rest, he could do nothing but cry. the tears endlessly streamed down his face as he clutched the cold sheets beside him. that night his sobs had knocked him into slumber, his eyes and throat tired from all the crying he had done.

in his slumber however, he is greeted by a dream. he's sat in the komore teahouse, in the same room he was stuck in for a considerable amount of time during the vision hunt decree. 

clearly confused he rises from his seat on the floor until the door gently slides open. his eyes widen when your figure steps into the room, seemingly unharmed and healthy. he doesn't hesitate to barel towards you, immediately burying his head into your neck. 

"hello, my love," you greet him gently. his eyes well up with tears when the familiar feeling of your warm arms return his tight embrace. 

blinking the tears away from his vision, he holds you at arm's length to examine you. "you're as beautiful as the day i lost you," he murmurs tenderly. his hands come up to cup your face gently, voice uncharacteristically soft when he says, "you look happier." 

"well, we did win didn't we? the vision hunt decree has been abolished." you grasp the hands that hold your face. "i couldn't be happier." 

thoma simply smiles and leans down to meet your lips affectionately. he knows this is but a dream. nothing here is going to last, but he's going to make the most out of it. after all, he didn't get to say a proper goodbye. 

thus, you spend your time doing something you two have always enjoyed. it's nothing extraordinary, nothing out of the box, it was an ordinary lunch with a small game of hotpot. 

you spend these moments laughing as thoma coughs up whatever he just swallowed. you allow him to coax you beside him so he could fondly feed you food. you spend your last moments with him basking in happiness and domesticity. 

but alas, all good things must come to an end. you are aware your in thoma's dream, your smile softening as you realize he's about to wake up any time soon. he seems to sense this as well, eyes glistening with deep sorrow. 

"i think you know you have to wake up soon," you mutter, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind his ear. the latter can't help but encase you in a tight hug yet again, his arms tightening around you fully knowing you could disappear at any given moment. 

"will i ever get to see you again?" 

"i don't think so, my love," you reply, heart sinking when you hear him sniffle. "but that's okay. i know you'll always remember me, yeah? so it's okay, thoma, you can let me go."

there's a blinding light that overtakes his vision and he desperately hides his face into your shoulder to block it. he didn't want to leave yet but somehow he knew that everything would be okay. 

"i love you, (y/n)."

"i know, darling. i love you too. now, please, let go.". those were the last words he hears before the bright rays of light shine directly into his face, effectively stirring him awake. 

he chuckles wetly, hiding his tears into the palm of his hands. despite the fresh wave of tears, his heart feels lighter when he recalls your words. 

he could never forget you and the memories you made together, those were always going to live in his mind and heart. but he understood what you were trying to tell him, and even though it would be difficult, he was going to live and slowly let you go.

taglist (send an ask to be added or removed): @toracius @cxlrose @chichikoi @datu-tadhana @xyliope @simplyxsinned @yaqui-soba @inky-page @mooscutely @spookii-does-stuff @the-gayest-sky-kid @yuezhong @mikachu2x @callmemeelah @xsunaryn @tiredzephh @motherscrustytoenailclippings @xxsweetdreamzxx @irethepotato @favonius-captain @aweebstuff @scaraslover

© withloveajaxx 2022. please do not copy, plagarize, or translate in any way.

#iely's 500 event #iely writes #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin fanfic #genshin impact fanfics #genshin #genshin impact #thoma x reader #thoma x you #thoma x y/n #thoma #thoma fanfic #01/20/2022

[idanit]

possibly underappreciated Good Omens fics I enjoyed once upon a time

Indirectly inspired by a video series about fanfiction I watched, I decided to pull together a list of Good Omens fics I have bookmarked as stories I enjoyed, but which have less than 250-300 kudos at the time I’m writing this. No particular order. They’re accompanied by short excerpts from my private fic reading notes (not originally intended to be read by anyone but me, mind), sometimes slightly edited for clarity—and, sometimes, the comments I left on the fics.

This list sat in my drafts for a long time and the recent S2 announcement reminded me of it. I’d love it if it inspired you to do something similar! Spread the love.

And mind the tags, please.

△ = general and teen ▲ = mature and explicit 

thermodynamic equilibrium ▲ 7K the author has such an ear for dialogue and is unapologetic about what they want to write the characters like. They think of the characters as a mix of TV and book canon, but they feel like a homemade blend to me. (...) It’s very funny.

such dear follies ▲ 6K I can really picture this Aziraphale—Crowley as well, but her especially. She’s rather distinct. (...) Nice writing.

The Words Were With - △ 1.2K post-Blitz vignette, Aziraphale realizes what he feels and wonders if they're human enough for this. I liked it, and I liked the tag "transhumanism, but in reverse?", too—what an interesting idea. I'd say it's a vignette in a dire need of a follow-up, but, well, there's the show. The show is the follow-up. It fits very nicely within the canon and I totally believe it could have happened, like a deleted scene.

Gossip and Good Counsel △ 19K/? I love their companionship and how they're set up to be opposites by the management even though they get on pretty well. It feels very in keeping with the canon, but I feel like the fact that it's an F/F set in this particular time period adds a meaningful layer to the situation. It's women supporting each other in the world of men, working with the personas that are created for them, but, privately, being normal, well-rounded people. (...) and of course your writing is always a pleasure to read. (...) SDHDGDHDHDG Maisie is truly an Aziraphale.

Crowley Went Down to Georgia (he was looking for a soul to steal) △ 6K This was nice. Based on a song I didn’t know. Crowley goes to a funeral in the USA, one of a fiddler he knew and lost a bet to once. (...) The fic has not one but two songs composed for it and embedded inside it and that makes it even better. I really enjoyed the experience.

The Thing With Feathers △ 18K WARLOCK you'rE HORRIBLE AND I LOVE IT I would read an entire novel-length fic just of Crowley fighting his battles with Warlock. Written like this? It would be a blast. (...) The OCs are believably characterized and well-loved by the story. (...) Everyone seems to need a friend in this house. (...) This was so fun, and at the same time, their mission has weight here (...) We wonder about what the future holds even though we know it.

Here Quiet Find △ 11K This fic aimed for my head and the aim was sure precise. It was a story of Crowley sensing Aziraphale's distress and finding him in a self-quarantined English village in the seventeenth century, tired and anxious. It's hurt/comfort, so there was washing and bedsharing and I had to love it, so I did.

outside of time △ 2K Post-Almostgeddon, (...) nicely-written, short, but strung with a soft kind of tension and unspoken words. There's no drama, just "can we really", and "do you really" of sudden freedom. They fall into being inseparable. Book canon, which I like for this story (sitting on a tarmac). I liked the footnotes. There's a mention of Eliot. All in all, very much yes.

She'asani Yisrael △ 2K It’s Crowley going through a two-hour service and drinking blessed wine. He also keeps an eye on a boy he was asked to. It’s 1946. It was pretty good, so far the best Jewish GO fic, I think, from the ones I’ve read.

To Guard The Eastern Gate △ 11K  I loved it. You really made Sodom feel lived-in; the description of Keret, Hurriya and Yassib's house and relationship were great. I got attached to both them and the city (...) Aziraphale and Crawley’s interactions were generally very entertaining. I laughed (...) Your rendering of their voices just lands so well (...) But then oh, the entire ending (...) hurt, hurt a lot, and your descriptions are so vivid.

If you’ve been waiting (for falling in love) △ 14K AAAAA a good ending line. The whole paragraph, in fact. I love a good smattering of philosophy in my fics, and this was really nice. I can get behind Thomas Aequinus's and Crowley's view on eternity. It's (...) a pretty simple fic (...) - the courage to express yourself and take a risk is awarded with winning what was at stake by the virtue of reciprocity - but the way it was intertwined with a study of how they would experience a forever was done well. 

Holy unnecessary ▲ 2.2K It's well-written. (...) this is my type of sexual humour if I have any. So subtle. Blink and you'll miss it. Lovely.

The Parting Glass △ 17K Through the ages, they're dancing around their relationship until after the Armageddoff. (...) Wow, this was really, really nice. Very simple in its concept and nothing I haven't read before, but very well-executed. (...) AAAAH I LOVED the first chapter. I always like abbeys as settings, that's a given, but the banter, the good writing, the moral ambiguity!

Name The Sky △ 33K This Crowley is different, but very intriguing. Without his sarcastic talk, and much more animalistic. (...) I love how expressive Crowley is. (...) This fic has a very nice balance of drama and levity. I don't love Crowley-before-the-Fall stories very much, but with this execution I can read about it. (...) Okay I've read Crowley offering fruits, and even Aziraphale biting fruits, but the two of them sharing the apple? Outstanding. Ingenious. What a take.

A Flame in Your Heart △ 5K post-Blitz (why are so many dance fics post-Blitz?), they go to the bookshop and have an actually believable conversation. Then they dance the gavotte. It was really nice! Believable writing, emotions, the dancing! (...) Of course it's too early for them, (...) but the author's note? yeah.

Put down the apple, Adam, and come away with me ▲ 32K At this point it's just reading original stories with characters with names and some personality traits that I recognize. (...) I really enjoy this, the careful dance, the opposition between their views. (...) This is well-written, wow. (...) it's not an easy read (...) this story feels very believably 50s, but also reaches out to the present time. 

Liebestraum ▲ 10K/? It really is like music. I'm enjoying the writing a lot. (...) oh my actual god. This, this? Wow, uh. This came for my throat. (...) THE MUSICAL COMPOSITION, THE MOTIF RETURNING, THE AUTHOR KNOWS WHERE IT'S AT (...) Excellent. This hits the right beats so precisely, (...) and with feeling, too.

Down Comforter △ 2.4K and they lay down in angeldown, a soft rug ‘neath their heads– alright. Well, Crowley lies under Aziraphale's wing on a Persian rug after the Apocalypse, and they talk (...). It was sweet.

The Corsair of Carcosa △ 5K Crowley wakes up from a nap, visits Aziraphale for some drinking, and they read The King in Yellow that he happens to own. Good writing, so I'm bought. Aziraphale mentions Beardsley, so I'm bought twice over. My god, a discussion of etheral/occult madness? Caused by some wrong/true reading? Yes.

Very Good, Omens! △ 6K It's rather well-written, well-pastiched. People don't do that too often, nowadays - try to write in the style of a particular writer. (...) I love wordplay like this.

Reviving Robin Hood: The Complicated Process of Crème Brûlée △ 30K it's well-written (...), has a rhythm to it, and quiet humour. (...) Finally some nice, good, light writing. The attention to detail! (...) I'm still reading most of it aloud, the rhythm of it compels me to. (...) okay this does sound like Pratchett&Gaiman, the Good Omens itself (...) The fic is meandering, hilarious, sensitive in all the right places, and overall lovely.

my dear acquaintance △ 1K Oh. Oh. Yes, yes! Aziraphale in Russia, Russia I've never been in, but I can feel the snow and the evening of. Very real, and the bar, too. Attention to detail - vodka flavoured with dill, what on earth? Yes. He would totally have a distinct taste in operas and he would totally complain about a subpar one. I'm glad Tchaikovsky's there.

there is a crack in everything △ 1.8K This was good! Ah. Inspired by a comment (...), I went looking for Mr. Harrison and Mr. Cortese fics—really, what a big brain moment someone had and why have I never thought to look for them? This is Crowley getting suddenly anxious and Aziraphale going out of his way, through all his layers of not-thinking and denial, to console him. I also really liked how the Arrangement is a carefully unacknowledged partnership-marriage.

Scales And Gold And Wings And Scars △ 6K  No conflict, no plot, one tiny arc like a ripple on the surface of water on a calm sunny day - of Aziraphale discovering Crowley’s scars. It's the South Downs and it's early summer. They bask and swim in a spring. Non-sexual nudity, love in the air like a scent. Nice.

Nineteen Footnotes In Search Of A Story △ 0.4K This is a Good Omens story told only through footnotes. Your mind can fill in the gaps. Fascinating (...). Also, it’s an experiment so apt for this particular fandom.

Hell on Earth △ 6.5K Oh, I loved it! How could I not love it: it's Beelzebub-centric, it's historical, it has classical painting, and even a hilarious scene with a cuneiform phrase, as if I didn't enjoy this story enough already. There are so few Beelzebub fics out there and I find searching for them very difficult (I accept recs if anyone has any), and it's such a shame, so this was really like a gift to the fandom. I absolutely adore the way you portrayed them, small, frightening, powerful, and confident. Also, it was super fun to see how different Crowley seems when we're not in his POV or in a story about him and Aziraphale. (...)

Go Up to Ramoth-Gilead and Triumph △ 24K Daegaer is... pure class. (...) hdhdhdh what pfttt why you so funny (...) I love this Crowley. (...) This got unexpectedly intense. (...) I love the little nods to the fact that Israelites, especially the poorer ones, still believe in other gods. I also really like that they sleep on roofs. It's just the kind of detail that grounds the story and shows that the author is, in fact, a historian. 

#good omens #good omens fic rec #fanfiction #fic rec #idanit reads #i also have a multifannish F/F rec list in the works #all my bookmarks are private but i feel the need to share the love

[catcze]

hey, it’s kiwi anon! there’s still a long wait until kazuha comes out (i play on the na server ;;), so i took it upon myself to write some cheesy thing i had on my mind. :)

warning,, it’s cheesy, lengthy, and comfort fluff because i happen to be into that stuff.. sorry, you have been warned!!

(there might be mild grammatical errors too,, sorry i haven’t written something this long in a while- ><)

(it’s also first person because i literally struggle writing second person stuff but i’ll work on it!!)

i’m here today to feed the kazuha simps. 💗

“

Eternity be,

In your fond embrace I find

The warmth in the storm.

”

Clouds shrouded the once sunny streets of Liyue in an unusual darkness. As the streets emptied itself of its plentiful merchants, a silence fell upon the harbor. Perhaps, it was a shadow looking down on my own misfortune.

For months, I had sat idly by the shores of Liyue Harbor, though my efforts were to no avail.

Although the spring had come along to introduce the snug welcome of blossoming flowers, I longed for nothing more than to return to the autumn, when the leaves showered from above and a strange breeze swept me off my feet. Except, that figurative breeze was a human.

I could only grasp what was left of the past and the memories of a mystery I could never solve nor have the courage to investigate, for his gentle smile was something no mortal could uncover. It was like holding onto a thin string that’s only mere seconds away from ripping apart; as the fierce winter wind blew and the sun rose and set in its ever endless cycle, I feared that the ronin had decided to follow his own promise-less wind and that our promise was too much of a burden for him to carry.

I breathed in the earthy scent of rain and heaved a heavy sigh. It was a day of unfruitful waiting made worse by the disruptive weather.

And though the clouds began to thicken and gather from above my head, I was in no rush to hurry into shelter: my show of stubborn grudge against my hapless fate. But as the thunder began to rumble and the familiar touch of raindrops on my skin multiplied, I gave in. I grunted as I stood slowly, still purposely taking my time.

As the fabric of my clothing began to soak and stick to my skin tauntingly, I strolled across puddles, unhurriedly dragging my feet along them. I watched my feet and noticed the ripples I made with each step I took. The little waves reminded me of him and his ventures out at sea. And as the rain poured seemingly without end, I began to dwell on the samurai’s safety. May the Sevens keep him safe through any storms he may face, I prayed to myself.

Storms at sea are treacherous, he once told me; just as the wait for his arrival was quite treacherous, with my patience almost completely spent.

This time, the walk to my home was unusually time consuming. Maybe, despite the rain, part of me refused to admit another defeat.

My pace came to a pause and I spaced out, asking trivial questions in my clouded head. But as I continued to stare down at the drenched ground, looking into my warped reflection, an unfamiliar figure came into view, caught briefly by the edge of my eyesight.

Perhaps, the streets weren’t as empty as I thought they were.

I felt sorry for blocking their path, so I began to shift forward. “Sorry, please excuse me,” I apologized. But when I began to lift my head, I paused in a sudden motion.

There stood my purpose, holding an umbrella; it was as if he was immune to the rain. My eyes traced along the features of his face, taking in the coziness of something so familiar. The depth of his fiery red orbs engulfed me in a newfound warmth in the cold rain. His gaze took in the scene, and we shared a comfortable silence for a while.

“What curious serendipity, Y/N,” he spoke in a soft hum, a tender smile creeping onto his face. I had forgotten how much I missed the way he voiced my name; there was nothing like it. He always spoke with poetic intent, like he was writing a song with his words alone and singing it as they left his lips.

But before I could speak, he abruptly interrupted, “Join me under the umbrella before you catch a cold.” He motioned me towards him with his bandaged hand.

I began to walk towards him, but after such a long wait, I couldn’t hold myself back from running into his arms. Instinctively, he let go of the umbrella and caught onto my figure. When he had processed what was happening, he chuckled lightly, wrapping an arm around my waist and the other around my neck, playing gently with my soaked hair and holding my head close to his chest.

His heartbeat matched the pitter patter of raindrops reaching the ground beneath us. There was no other feeling like this one, for the embrace we shared in that moment felt like something both of us had been waiting for for a lifetime’s worth.

Even as the rain poured onto our bare heads, it felt like autumn had returned once again; the raindrops almost reminiscent of maple leaves in the wind.

“Kazuha,” I mumbled, not knowing what to say next. “Yes, I’m here,” he answered affirmatively, resting one of his merciful hands on my cheek as his thumb wiped a tear that I never noticed I shed.

He was here and that was all that mattered.

- kiwi ! (writing out of self indulgence!!)

(i may or may not be coming for catte’s career. /j)

ajnd KIWI OMG THIS WAS SOO GOOD AAAA <3333

Baby I've been out of inspo for the whole day, so PLEASE Thank you for feeding the Kazuha nation for me 😭💞 My career is yours for the taking, love ♡ /hj

ajdna LITERALLY THO THis was so good?? OMG I'm so bad at putting my compliments into words because I just wanna scream aout how good it was!! But the writing style, the way you described things–– PLEASE I'm in love <333

akjnad That was literally so cute and so sweet and so aAAAA<333 Kiwi anon ilysm omg <333 Please feel free to send me these if you ever feel self indulgent again–– The Kazuha simps and I would be so thankful 🙏😭💞

Also I hope you get Kazuha soon my love!! I don't know how many more hours the NA server has left, but hopefully it's not too long!! <333

#Kiwi anon #Kisses from Catte 🦩 #Kazuha x reader #Kaedahara Kazuha x reader #Genshin Impact x reader #akjsdnds PLEASE this was literally so good I–– #Cw GN reader

[hapalopus]

Cross Your Heart Chapter 17 live blog/initial thoughts

@karkalicious769 I've been so excited for this chapter I went out and bought snacks to really make it a special reading experience. I can't believe we're finally gonna figure out what's going on!!!

I'm tired of tumblr's image limit, so instead of screenshots I'll just copy-paste whatever quotes I'm reacting to. And I'm on mobile, so I can't do line-breaks only paragraph breaks RIP

Anyways without further ado...

The image of Rook in Max's old 70s clothes is delightful and I need fanart stat! at least in my mind it's 70s, don't ruin this for me dfghgdd

"a tiny part of Rook was thrilled by his lack of respect today." THAT’S MY BOY!!! He's really grown as a character during this fic and it shines through in little things like this<3

"Even his eyes were the wrong shade of green." Yes yes we get it Blonko, you're madly in love with Ben and have memorized every detail of his face xD

"Rook certainly could think of worse ways to spend eternity. He was glad that he was sharing it with Ben, even if only one of them would get to remember."

"When Ben made no move to take the origami rose, Rook leaned forward a few inches more to tuck it behind his ear. Without his armor and gloves on, he could feel Ben's hair against his fur and had to resist the urge to stroke his jaw." When I tell you I had to stop myself from squeeing here. Oh man.

"Ben turned pink, eyes widening at the gesture as Rook's intentions sank in. His lips formed a silent "oh" HE HAD AN 'OH' MOMENT AAAAA!!! Good or bad, is there anything more satisfying than Oh Moments? no. no there is not

"Rook took a step back, even though he wanted to be closer." Excuse me miss?? How do you make the simple act of moving out of the way give me feels????

Paradox's dialogue is on point, I am 100% reading it in his voice!! And by that I don't mean the rest of the dialogue is not on point ofc, it's all great, sfjjhfdk

"though Rook doubted that the man actually had a doctorate" get his ass

""At first, I wasn't planning to speak to anyone at all," Paradox admitted. "I was simply going to end this timeline and move on. But you're close to Ben— closer than you should be, even— and I must confess to a certain level of, well… personal curiosity." For all the meta talk about how Rook isn't cosmically significant and how this timeloop has nothing to with him... it's oddly satisfying to know he's the reason the loop hasn't been ended yet. Even if the reason is less "your existence matters" and more "your existence is curious". Also, Paradox being able to just erase entire timelines is terrifying and I love him existing as some kind of eldritch being who views people as ants.

NO WATCH BEN CAMEO AAAA

"To demonstrate, Paradox snapped off the end of one branch. Everything that came before still existed, but there was nothing in the future, and there never would be again. Rook tried to imagine time just stopping and couldn't." This makes so much sense!! I feel silly for not catching on earlier, but then again it's been a while since I watched those episodes :3 But god, this is a really good explanation and suddenly the Eternity ending (or what I assume it revolves around) seems disturbingly likely o.o

""No, Ben can't be dead. He isn't supposed to die. Why—?"" THE CONTRACTION, I'M-

"Rook stared into Paradox's eyes and saw the endless march into infinity. He saw nothing at all." For some reason this really drives home how... idk, I keep repeating myself, but I really have no better word for it. Paradox is a terrifying eldritch creature. I imagine his eyes, matte and empty like shark eyes now. Dreadful.

"He was seconds away from launching himself forward and decking Paradox in the face." He should've :/

I always get a little bit of second hand embarassment when a character bares their soul like this, but it is a really good speech. However much I may dunk on Ben, Rook is right, he really is just a good person who does good things. And who can live up to something as simple as that?

And then the ending. If you hadn't been generous enough to share the date for tge next chapter I might drive myself mad with that "we need to talk" xD

Gah, I loved this chapter!!! So satisfying in so many ways :DDD

#cross your heart

[grlfriends]

revolutionary girl utena review

ep 1-5

the plot is actually kinda different from what I thought ?? in my mind the plot was: utena was a girl in a princess school who each and every princess would be "conquered" (for a lack of better words rn) in a ceremonial duel by a prince who fancied them, maybe she didnt wanna wanna marry anyone or she liked Anthy already but anyway in my mind utena showed up in the ceremony with duel clothing and then, in a very brave tm like-scene, she would openly declare she refused to be conquered by anyone and tbh I'm not even sure how Anthy would come into the plot... but back into what actually happened in the episodes everything so far is very introductory and just showing what mechanics will be explored further down the line I think?? the op is really good too

also every boy so far reminds me so much of knights of the zodiac?? maybe it's just the design I guess...) and nanami can get these hands, jealousy is a disease and she's the sickest person on earth for all I know

dont ask me why bit I just feel like room of mirrors - gfriend has a very well fitting vibe for it but I'm not exactly sure why hm.... 🤔🤔

ep 6-12

ok so why does this school just have random animals around 😐 I could understand the horse but a bull and a kangaroo?? what ...

touga just says the most random dramatic things and then just casually says anyone who believes in friendship is a fool ?? the guy wouldnt last a day in the naruto universe tbh, he kinda irks me in some way but I'm not sure why so I'll live with this strange feeling for a while I guess

↳ okay so watching ep 10 made me especially kinda creeped out, I know I've watched only 10 eps so far but like can he fall downstairs and break a neck or something already ...

also haha what if I watched that bet on it fmv and gave myself a bunch of spoilers would that be funny or what 😍 this is why i cant have nice things yall.... hope my memory goes to shit when sleep so I dont remember about it this week while I finish it

I feel like the main thing on the episodes are parallels, one way or another I always feel like they're setting up parallels and giving me clues for a bigger picture and a deeper plot arc that is still to come and the bet on it fmv just made this impression stronger, also I wanna say it's done in a good way, one that is both mysterious (??) and "honey you've got a big storm coming" at the same time 🤔🤔 much to think about honestly

↳ just saw ep 11 and even though I already knew this was coming sooner or later it still felt like crap seeing utena lose to dick head, at the end of the episode when he says anthy was always just reflecting utena's own wishes for himemiya (in another way bc I dont remenber the exact words) it felt like 😐 bc yes I knew that (the way she was working her thoughts was simply a copy and paste of what utena was saying) at all time I kept those essays about anthy in my head, I dont think theyll be truly relatable to what I'm seeing rn but yeah anthy rights (even though I know you betray/cheat on utena down the line bc of the bet on it fmv but I'm sure you had your own motivation)

↳ saw ep 12 bc I just couldnt handle being in a cliffhanger and yeah it happened what I absolutely thought it would lmao not that it was that difficult to foresee but yeah, I kinda liked how utena did it for her instead of being like "oh I wanna save anthy from touga" and treating her like a damsel in distress (I know that's kinda her position as the rose bride for what I've been told so far and that this is a subject spoken about in many many essays on tumblr but yeah) bc so far she's been treated as a trophy and a way to get something else, for the green haired guy it was a way to see something eternal, for miki it was a way to hold on into his "shining thing" and for touga it seems (so far) like a way to manipulate (just like he does with nanami) and just mark his position as above everyone else as he seems to view himself?? man I might be saying random stuff rn but it kinda does makes sense in my mind with the information I've had to this point

ep 13-25

honestly 😐😐 through 9 whole episodes I felt like they were trying to make the side characters deeper and show their hidden face and motivations but it felt so shallow...... not even actually shallow, just not deep enough that it would make me care about these characters and the fact there was no actual build to showing us why we're getting to know these characters backgrounds was just kinda meh too, didnt really help that all episodes had all the same formula and the same timing just for the developers made in those episodes be forgotten at the end and also just that pink haired guy could be like "ah failure again", it felt like watching the same episode over and over again, it was really tiring and like?? girl help I do not care about these characters at all, I feel like it could have been done well (like the keiko ep in comparison to the furuba chapter that deals with the yuki appreciation (??) club president graduating.... the way this ep was done and setup didn't really bring me any emotions) overall not to my taste and tbh I feel like I could have skipped all those episodes except for maybe the miki and juri one so 😑

all nanami focused episodes are the worst so far, she's so boring and I cant stand now annoying she is, the diary episode?? the cow episode?? the episode when tsuwabiki fuels with utena?? honestly I know they're trying to show me a better and different side of her but it just doesnt!! work!! bc i feel no sympathy for her, my biggest wish rn is her and touga just disappearing and no more filler episodes🗣🗣

I thought akio was utena's prince?? but apparently he's just anthy's brother and like.. I'm do done with his little talks with utena and yadda yadda, I just wanna see their duel is that too much to ask I'm dying over here (if this lenga lenga continues until ep 25 i will be so mad bc why were so many episodes wasted on such boring and and not necessary side characters backstories?? idc about them at all man aaaaaaaaaa)

↳ ep 25 was good finally we got what we deserve boys 😭😭😭😭😭 can utena just beat up akio already I'm tired of his ass, he exhales both "I'm a feminist I even take women studies classes #herstory" and "if she breathes she's a thot" energy also he has 0 style that mullet is simply horrible I bet there's a hairstylist community who considers him a criminal bc like 😐 it is simply so bad (q bit less when it's tied up but when it's all lose jesus Christ)

also touga thinks he's suuuuch a genius, sooo smart like king, I do not care about you at all can you shut the fuck up please and can we tall about the pink haired guy episode?? wack. honestly thought it would be more emotional or something, I binge watched 12 episodes with his ugly haircut face and did not even feel a thing he can choke I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ANTHY TAKING A SWORD OUT OF UTENA'S CHEST??? OSCAR WORTHY KINGS❗❗❗and then her lame ass brother being like "oh ho ho idk idk" shut up no one cares no one cares I swear to you no one cares shut uuuuup

ep 25-39

first of all, ep 25 was good but kinda reminded me of the nine episodes (13 until 21) where absolutely nothing interesting happened so I hope I'm wrong also can I just say just seeing the preview of the next episode made me roll my eyes so bad I almsot saw my brain?? bc yeah I'm fucking tired of nanami fosuced episodes she's so annoying oh my god nobody cares about a goddamn egg and much less one coming from her let her die or something pls she's so annoying there's nothing I've learned about her that was not against my own will I'm basically rotting over here 🤒

↳ ep 30 has me thinking Akio has a foot fetish or something 😐 bruh leave utena aloooooone I already know your plans and schemes you're not fooling anyone that's embarrassing for u and also... utena you're not very bright are you.... you start seeing every duelist you face with the same exact car and then when you see akio has the same car you didnt even stop to think about it that 1+1 equals 2 ... girl help yourself 😐

↳ yet again another nanami focused ep 😐😐😐😐😐 even though I do understand her better now I still don't find her particularly enjoyable to watch, call me a woman hater but like. idk she's still a bit annoying to me (but touga is straight up evil and is manipulating her so I feel bad for feeling like that tho.....)

↳ ok last 2 eps to go but listen. I thought the akio duel would have happened much sooner, maybe on ep 33 max but well didn't this age well lmao ngl, it did seem a bit too slow paced for my personal taste but also I feel like there's a certain level of drama that comes with slowing the pace down....

↳ aaaaaa yall I'm kinda 😢😭 over the ending omg........... even though it took the best of me to keep going in some parts I still enjoyed the ending aaaaa I thought i wouldnt really like it bc I just usually dont enjoy this type of ending but stil 😢😢😢😢 wait for me utena 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 girl I cried and then anthy walking in the end god utena and anthy holding hands 😭😭😭😭 akio can suck my dick

there's obviously many things I've missed or that I kinda didnt really pay attendance to so please dont take this serious, I was just writing as I watched the episodes so it's more like a thought compilation than anything, still I can see why there's many essays written about it and why it is held as a masterpiece by so many people

#g.txt

[taniushka12]

4, 14, 24 (also explain how if u like~)

aaaaa thankssss i love... talking abt wips lmao

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

ok so I write snippets of different fics per week so ill do a couple if u dont mind~

“The water falling harder on the steps ahead was now bouncing and lightly falling on her feet. She felt her own toes wriggling at the sensation, the cold of the rain easier to bare than the dark eyes of the woman in front of her. Two black holes trying to suck every meaning of her words, her face, her actions, to pull them apart and understand them. It was as dangerous as beautiful to be at the edge of such, but good thing Sasha wasn't a black hole nor a sun, not yet at least.”

from an annabelle/sasha one-shot im working on that I cant wait to post dfgfdg, i love this part!! for context, annabelle is a possible antagonist from tma, across the few past seasons is like she could be evil.... but you’re not sure... and if you decide to believe that shes telling the truth whch i do she has a sad backstory and i just love her ok? and i LOVE sasha as you know, so the idea of a normal regular ass human being so intense that she leaves this spider-ish monster-ish woman both in awe and smitten is... so good ;o;

also they kiss bc they both deserve some fluff :’)

[tw: body horror? in the next one]

“The air around her tensed and for a second she was ready to bolt, but the body didn't move, didn't make a sound, just lay there as the last of the bees moved through his clothes and out of his... mouth? eye? Sasha couldn't see very well with the low light, and behind that pressing feeling of disgust at the base of her stomach a new impulse took over her body. After what it felt an eternity she realized she could actually move, and immediately hunched over the body to take a better look at it. 

 It was... horrible. The man who once was her neighbor laid face up, skin covered in liquid wax dripping from the ceiling maintaining his flesh mostly intact as combs grew from his mouth eating the rest of his face upwards, eye sockets indistinguishable from the rest of his face. Taking a napkin out of her pocket she took the face with her hand, twisting it to see the rest of it under the pale light, and despite the vague disgust at her urgency she simply couldn't stop herself.

It was horrible, but god, a part of her was dying to see. [...]

Was she being cautious, then?

Was she being indulgent?

Feeling the flimsy flesh against the cloth on her hand she had to consider a third and sickeningly real option; she had been curious.”

from a martin/sasha slowburn longfic where martin is slowly turning into a honeycomb monster against his will and sasha is the only one that knows and so they both try to deal w/ it, but the thing is! they both make some decisions in the middle that end up in a a guy dying, and this is the moment she realizes maybe he’s not the only one who’s changing under the circunstances. . . 

im super excited for this scene bc ive been dying to write it months ago dfgdfg woohoo!!! 

14. At what point in writing do you come up with a title?

depends!! sometimes I think of a cool title and its like “huh how would a story based on that title look like?”, sometimes in the middle I write a cool line and its like “oh what if the title were tied to this?”, sometimes it hits me while im thinking abt anything else and sometimes at the very end when I have everything ready EXCEPT the title lmao

24. Would you say your writing has changed over time?

I want to say it did honestly, but it’s harder to see than the changes in visual art yknow? I think I write longer now, describe more of the scene, the place and stuff, also I like to think I think more about the dialogues and characterization? It harder to pinpoint mostly bc half of my stuff is in spanish and the other in english but id Say it changed u_u

[ask me abt my writing~!]

#me thinking about sasha: i love youuuuuuu i LOVE you!!!!! #which means ill give her both kisses AND guilt ! cuz thats Fun #tani's personal shit #same for martin lmao #annabelle Just gets kisses bc she already had to deal with so much u_u #gemsofthegalaxy

[fortunatelylori]

Oh, the Jonsa of it all!

Jonsa is a puzzle. Anyone who has ever started shipping these two at any point in time since about 100.000 years ago when this show started, knows that. It’s all about digging for clues, starring at gifs for unhealthy amounts of time, comparing and dissecting until your brain turns to mush. Not that I’m complaining ... I love that shit. 

But, to be honest, I’ve been wrecking my brain to come up with a cohesive explanation for Jon and Sansa’s reactions to each other in this episode that does not include some sort of romantic subtext and I just can’t avoid adding one. 

That’s because Sansa looks desolate through most of this episode and Jon is taking everything Sansa does extremely personally, even though when you analyze the scenes, you can see that Sansa at no point goes against him. She’s snarky and cold towards D*ny. She challenges Tyrion both in the Great Hall scene and in their one on one scene. And yet it’s Jon that ends up feeling the most hurt by her actions.

Unless we introduce the explanation of the unspoken tension of romantic feelings, I just don’t see why he would be so affected by what she does in this episode as well as feel the need to mention her to third parties. 

For Sansa’s part, while I loved her snarky remarks , it does feel very odd to me that she wouldn’t hide her emotions better and pretend to be on board with D*ny’s presence in her home. Sansa has already danced this dance plenty of times: with Joffrey and Cersei, with Littlefinger and Lysa, as well as with the Knights of the Vale and the Boltons. 

She knows how to play the whole “conceal, don’t fell, don’t let it show” game and yet when faced with D*ny, who would fall for that kind of trick far more easily than Cersei or Littlefinger, she can’t do it. Unless I speculate that Sansa isn’t as in control of her emotions around D*ny because of her romantic feelings for Jon, I can’t really reconcile these reactions with the girl that at 13 managed to keep her feelings in check though out most of her stay in King’s Landing. 

The “Honey, I’m home!” scene: 

There’s a couple of things that make this scene interesting from a Jonsa perspective: 

The first one is that they actually cut the Jon/Sansa reunion differently from the footage we were shown in the teasers: 

(gifs by @stark)

From the scene in the episode and the shots from the teaser, it becomes obvious that they cut out the close-up of Jon’s face as he approaches Sansa. 

They have also cut the medium shot of Jon looking at Sansa when she greats D*ny: 

and replaced it with a shot of just D*ny reacting to Sansa’s frosty reception: 

The question is why? While there might be a host of different explanations having to do with how the scene was set up, blocking or trying to focus in on the emerging conflict between Sansa and D*ny, one thing these exclusions do is that they make Jon and Sansa’s reunion less romantic and far more ambiguous because we don’t get as much access to Jon’s reactions and state of mind.

We don’t see Jon starring at Sansa as he walks into her open arms like a love starved fool. We also don’t get to see that through out the whole of Sansa and D*ny’s interaction, all of Jon’s attention is directly on Sansa and not on the woman he’s spent the last however many weeks having earth shatteringly boring sex with. 

It’s also interesting that they chose not to replace these shots with, let’s say, less romantically charged looks from Jon but rather they just cut them out, which in turn just amps the ambiguity factor, as opposed to put to rest the possible romantic subtext. This plays into the whole of the episode where the choice of not focusing in on Jon’s non-verbal reactions keeps Jon’s POV hidden from the viewer. 

The other interesting thing about this scene is how Sophie Turner chooses to react to greeting Jon as opposed to greeting D*ny. This is how she looks at Jon:

We know from the beginning of the episode that Sansa is not happy. She’s actually downright sad: 

And you can see that same emotion being echoed here as she looks at Jon hugging Bran. However the moment Jon looks at her, she can’t help but smile a little. It’s a shy but warm smile and it makes me feel like perhaps she can’t really help it. It sort of just comes out because, as we know from season 7, despite her frustrations with him, Sansa missed Jon very much. 

It also can’t really be a polite or for show reaction because Sansa ain’t about that life in this episode as we can clearly see by the way she greets D*ny: 

So, in just a few seconds, Sansa has made two things abundantly clear: while she’s apprehensive, she’s genuinely happy to see Jon and she hates D*ny’s guts. 

Which in turn should raise questions. If Sansa’s animosity towards D*ny is strictly political, than surely the same type of animosity would be directed at Jon as well seeing as he’s the one that brought her to Sansa’s home in the first place. 

One thing that I was struck by watching this scene is just how awkward it is. In the Jonsa fandom we have speculated that it was going to be awkward because of the teaser shots of Jon looking at Sansa and them hugging for what felt like an eternity while D*ny looked on from afar. However, since they excluded that shot, the hug itself doesn’t feel that odd. 

However, Jon makes sure to turn this whole simple procedure uncomfortable for seemingly no reason. All he has to do is introduce his sister to the queen: 

Jon: Queen Daenerys of House Targareyen. My sister, Sansa Stark, the Lady of Winterfell. 

Seems simple enough ... why, then, the long pause after saying “Sansa Stark”? Why the bowing of the head and all the fidgeting? 

Since Jon’s POV is hidden, there is no conclusive answer to this. Instead, I propose a little mental exercise: 

Let’s say that you’re in love with someone ... Someone you’re not really supposed to be in love with. Let’s also say that, for whatever reason, you decide to start a relationship with someone else. At some point, these two people in your life are forced to meet and you have to introduce them: 

(gifs by @athimbleful)

How much would you be shitting your pants that your partner is going to figure out you’re in love with your sister/cousin/light of your life/air in your lungs/sole reason for your existence? 

The “Threesome” scene: 

Can I just get “love triangle” for 100, please?

(gifs by @arin-arryn)

Honestly, they’re not even being subtle anymore. This whole scene is blocked as a visual love triangle and this interaction, in particular, is interesting because the whole conversation regarding the dragons diets was sparked by Tyrion. The logical way of setting up this scene would have been for Sansa and D*ny’s shots to be combined with a shot of Tyrion. Instead, we get this medium shot where the focus just shifts between Sansa and D*ny, while Jon sits in the middle trying desperately not to kill himself. 

Another important aspect is Jon’s tense conversation with Lyanna Stark, which starts with Jon instinctively looking at Sansa for whatever reason: 

This has become a bit of a trend with Jon, with the first time he did it being at the end of season 6 when he was proclaimed King in the North. He does it again in this episode in the first scene they have together after Bran “reality check” Stark decides to unload the glorious news of the wall falling and the Night King having a dragon. 

In both of these two scenes, it would have made a lot more sense for Jon to look at D*ny in these tense moments. In the first one because D*ny has just found out that her beloved “child” is now a zombie and also because Jon and D*ny lived through the wight hunt together. 

In the Great Hall scene, romantically, it would make sense for him to look to the woman he loves, seeking emotional support. So I guess, scratch that. Jon is looking in the right direction after all. 

The fact that Sansa refuses to offer him that support and his conversation with Lyanna Mormont: 

Lyanna: Your Grace? But you’re not, are you? You left Winterfell a king and came back a … I’m not sure what you are now. A lord? Nothing at all?

Jon: It’s not important.

leaves Jon momentarily looking like this: 

I’m not a gif-er but there is a subtle change of expression from his “It’s not important” smile to this that has Jon’s eyes going cold really fast. It looks like he’s reeling and angry but he conceals it very quickly. If someone has a gif of this, I’d love to see it. 

This doesn’t get a pay-off here but actually becomes significant later on in the episode as we’ll see in the following two scenes: 

The Jon/Arya reunion or as, I like to call it, the “deadbeat dad” scene

Fun fact: in my Jonsa fic, I actually had Jon mention Sansa in his first private conversation with Arya. The reason why I made that choice was because I wanted to firstly highlight the difference between the way Jon approaches Arya and the way he approaches Sansa and secondly because it’s an easy way of telegraphing to the audience that despite Jon’s outward behavior, Sansa is very much in his thoughts. 

So maybe I’m being biased here but the fact that the writers chose to do the same thing tells me they’re approaching this from a very similar mindset. 

I’m not going to lie. I didn’t particularly like that Jon felt the need to try to gain an ally against Sansa in Arya. It felt as if I was watching a father trying to antagonize his kid against her mother, which is such a low thing to do. 

However, if you judge Jon’s lines within the context of the Great Hall scene, it does change the perception of where Jon is coming from, for me at least. 

Jon: Where were you before? I could have used your help with Sansa. 

Could he have though? I mean, was Sansa really Jon’s biggest problem in the Great Hall scene? Because from where I was standing it was Lyanna Mormont that decided to rip Jon a new one, not Sansa.  Sansa’s conflict was with D*ny, not Jon.

Arya: I’m defending my family. So is she. 

Jon: I’m her family too. 

Aaaaa .... so Jon came out of that meeting completely stepping over the fact that his vassal called him “nothing at all” and proceeded to sulk in front of a heart tree because Sansa gave him a non-supportive look and made no attempt to defend him. That, for whatever reason, was the biggest takeaway from that meeting for him.

A takeaway that plays straight into Jon’s biggest insecurity when it comes to Sansa: that despite everything they’ve been through, despite the cloak she made for him or telling him he’s a Stark to her, she doesn’t truly care for him or consider him part of the pack which leads us to: 

D*ny: Your sister doesn’t like me.

Jon: She doesn’t know you. If it makes you feel any better, she didn’t like me either when we were growing up.

I mentioned in my J0nereys meta that Jon sharing this with D*ny stung when I first heard it in the scene. Of course there’s multiple things going on in this conversation, not least of which that Jon seems to be trying desperately to make sure D*ny doesn’t turn her love of a good emolation on Sansa. 

However, when looking at Jon’s conversation with Arya, doesn’t this line feel like it’s coming from the same place of insecurity for Jon? What else can Jon base his fear that Sansa doesn’t consider him family but on their fraught relationship as children? She’s given him absolutely no reason to believe that since they’ve been reunited. So, rather than this being proof that Jon holds a grudge for baby Sansa, it feels more like he’s resurrected their childhood distant relationship in order to drive himself nuts with worry that she doesn’t care about him anymore. 

Can I get an awwww, everyone? 

There’s also another strange parallel between these two scenes that I want to briefly touch upon. 

In the Jon/Arya scene, Jon says this: 

Arya: She doesn’t like your queen, does she?

Jon: Sansa thinks she’s smarter than everyone. 

Why would Jon say that? We know from season 7 that Jon thinks Sansa is smart so it feels OOC for him to disparage her intellect. Also, if this was him being angry that Sansa was mean to his lady love, why didn’t he burst out into a rant about just how amazing D*ny is and how unfair Sansa’s treatment of her is? 

I think this Jon line is there for two reasons: the first is to signal Jon’s concern that Sansa antagonizing D*ny might result in either Sansa or someone Jon cares about getting hurt and secondly as foreshadowing for someone outplaying Sansa. I don’t want to read “kidnapping plot” into every scene but this line feels pretty ominous to me. 

As does the fact that the creators made a point of including a shot of Alys Karstark in the beginning of the Varys/Davos/Tyrion scene. There was no reason for that to be there unless to establish a future plot point and who else could that plot point be about but Sansa? 

The “what is this fight really about” scene: 

This scene is less than 2 minutes long and there’s so much going on here, that it’s difficult to know where to start. 

So I suppose we should start with the opening shot: 

I find it supremely interesting that for their one on one scene, the writers chose to open it with Sansa reading a scroll. When’s the last time Sansa read a scroll on screen? 

Oh, that’s right! The scene where this happened: 

Littlefinger: I’ve heard gossip that the dragon queen is quite beautiful. 

Sansa: What does that have to do with anything? 

Littlefinger: Jon is young and unmarried. Daenerys is young and unmarried. 

This conversation that Sansa and Littlefinger had in season 7, ends up informing the entire Jon and Sansa scene, even though the point that Littlefinger was trying to make is that because Jon and D*ny would be difficult to defeat together, Sansa should unseat Jon as King and take the crown for herself. 

The whole unseating of Jon by Sansa is never brought up in this conversation. 

Instead, Jon proceeds to unload his anger at Sansa’s lack of enthusiasm for his successful work trip: 

Jon: I brought two armies with me. Two dragons. 

Sansa: And a Tragareyen queen. 

Now, if they didn’t want me to read jealousy in Sansa turning around and flinging the word “queen” at Jon, they could have replaced it with something more neutral, such as: 

Sansa: And no crown. 

Or

Sansa: And a new Southern ruler. 

Or any other number of things. 

However Jon doesn’t understand the distinction so he keeps pushing his “there is only one war that matters” speech: 

Jon: Do you think we can beat the army of the dead without her? I fought them, Sansa. Twice. You want to worry about who holds what title. I’m telling you it doesn’t matter. Without her, we don’t stand a chance. 

Jon might think that the problem of the titles is what’s really bothering Sansa but, considering we’ve already established that this scene is framed around the potential romantic entanglement between Jon and D*ny, I think this face that Sansa makes: 

has more to do with Jon going on about how they’ll all be dead without D*ny and how she might interpret that as Jon being in love with her. Now, looking at Sansa’s face, the pain of that thought is pretty evident. 

Luckily, Jon stops himself before Sansa jumps out a window and instead hits her with: 

Jon: Do you have any faith in me at all? 

Coming back to that scroll, Jon seems to be unaware of the fact that the only thing he’s offered in the form of an explanation for him bending the knee prior to this conversation was: 

Cersei Lannister has pledged her forces to our cause, as has Daenerys Targaryen. And if we survive this war, I have pledged our forces to Daenerys at the rightful Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. We are both coming to organise the defence of the realm.

So his anger at Sansa’s bitterness seems rather misplaced. In normal circumstances, it would be perfectly normal for Sansa to tell him that. Instead we get this: 

It’s official, ladies and gentlemen! Jon Snow has a superpower! And that superpower is called: puppy dog eyes! In this episode, Sansa Stark has faced off against the Mother of Dragons, brushed aside Tyrion Lannister but has been thwarted by Jon’s warm, chocolately gaze and completely forgot why she was pissed off with him in the first place. 

However, Jon being Jon, decides to remind her with this gem: 

Jon: She’ll be a good queen. For all of us. She’s not her father. 

Aside from having a superpower, Jon also has his own version of kryptonite and that’s called: being an utter and complete moron.

As far as defenses of your heart’s desire go, that was one lame ass attempt. However, when you’re a woman in love, it sounds like the end of the world and looks something like this: 

How does Jon respond to this attack on the character of his “beloved”?

Makes sense ... I mean if someone compared the love of my life with a better looking version of Hitler, I’d be giggling too. Which prompts Sansa to finally say what’s on her mind. 

Considering how this episode played out, they could have had Sansa go back to the food question and ask Jon if being a good ruler does perhaps involve figuring out a way to feed your people. Or perhaps challenge him on what D*ny’s credentials are that have led him to believe she’ll be a good queen for all of them. Or perhaps get really personal and remind him that their brother, Robb, died for Northern Independence. 

Instead ...

So while Jon might believe that the loss of title is what’s bothering Sansa, what is keeping the girl up at night is whether or not her “brother” is in love with their new queen. 

From a non-romantic POV, why would she even ask this question? Ultimately, for her, it shouldn’t matter why Jon bent the knee. The result is the same: the North has now pledged to House Targareyen. So why does Sansa want the answer to this question? Why is it important to her? It’s only if you add a romantic motivation to it, that it begins to make sense. 

Also, it’s important to note how the scene ends. In the leaks that came out prior to the premiere, people were saying that Jon and Sansa are interrupted so Jon never gets to answer. 

However, that’s not what happens. No one interrupts this conversation. The creators made the choice to cut it before Jon answers, which means that it’s pretty safe to assume he did say something. We just weren’t privy to it. 

That being said, only two questions remain: 

1. Why do the creators want to play up the ambiguity of Jon’s feelings for D*ny, when we’re assured in all the interviews they’re the great love story of the series? 

and 

2. What does Sansa now know that we do not? 

That’s about it from me, guys. Thank you for reading. 

None of the gifs are mine. Thank you to the content creators!

#jonsa #actually jonsa #jon x sansa #jon x sansa meta #got 8x01 #my got meta

[angelicwritingoflesilva]

Sunday, “Everest’s Loneliest Creature”

!! After more than five hours of writing, two hours of editing, here it is, in all its glory: Everest’s Loneliest Creature! Okay, time for some life lessons:

What I’ve Learned: Journals are so hard to write. ;u; People who write stories with just letters, holy frick, props to you. Seriously, making this entertaining without making it seem like a regular piece was... difficult (not gonna say very because that makes for weaker writing see I definitely know what I’m doing).

Props to more people: historical fiction authors. It was hard enough researching something current. How you all can do it for something that has been gone for like at least 50 years, no clue.

EVEREST TAKES FOREVER TO GET GOING. LIKE, HECK, FORTY DAYS TO REACH CAMP IV? REALLY? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WRITE A SHORT STORY AAAAA! no i’m not bitter

Characters are really fun to develop behind scenes! I thought that I would just throw the friends who came with Mallory to the side, but they were really fun to write about. I think that I gave them, certainly simple, but interesting personalities. I actually think that the characters are believable in this story, which is something that I think I struggle with a lot.

Final Word Count: 8,986

Final Time Spent (writing/editing): 8 hr 14 minutes

Trigger warning: being stranded somewhere, storms, big monsters who’ll love you to death, and sadness :(

Everest’s Loneliest Creature

February 28, 2018

Hello there, journal! I’m going on the climb of my life with my friends, Jasmine and Casey. We’re going back to my family’s birthplace, to a small country housing the most giant of mountains! A small fry taking reign of the largest shark! A teeny mouse housing a fierce African elephant! 

That’s right, we’re going to Nepal to climb the one and only Mount Everest! Just writing that feels unreal, wow!

Casey suggested the idea to me last year, around April or something. We were studying deer behavior in the field when he suddenly said that he wanted to climb Everest one day. I rolled my eyes at him and said that we would never have the money. I make plenty to keep myself afloat, but to afford an entire trip to Everest? 

Besides, I told him, I’m not great at keeping jobs. To do something like climb Everest when I’m not even sure if the research program is going to want me tomorrow would be dumb. He and I laughed about the time that I abandoned my (infinitely and endlessly boring) task of documenting the edible plants in Yellowstone to follow a goose and her goslings, and my subsequent firing. But, it’s fine. I didn’t really like the people who employed me at that time anyway.

After we stopped laughing, he said to think about it. I rolled my eyes, but agreed. Of course, I wasn’t planning on doing anything with the idea, but Casey is really persistent. He kept bothering me about it, and finally, I threw him a scrap and said I’d talk to my parents about it. Now, mind you (or me, I guess?), I don’t need their permission to do it. I just thought that if I were to go climbing on Everest, they would want to know. Plus, it wouldn’t hurt if they could give me a little money, right?

So, I came to their house, served them a gourmet dinner of oven-baked dino nuggets, and then told them what I was thinking about Everest. I told them that it would be a good way to connect with great grandpa Hiransh’s roots. 

Mom looked at dad, and the two shared a concerned glance. They told me how dangerous it was to climb Everest, and I’m sitting here like, come. On. I am a field biologist. I work with giant snakes and bears, already have spent lots of time climbing mountains, in very dangerous areas, and you don’t think that I know that Everest is dangerous?

Anyways I just nodded as they warned me, smiling and occasionally saying, yep, yep. Or, yeah, I’ve heard that. Nothing disrespectful, just enough to show them that I had done my research.

Eventually, mom said what I was thinking--expenses. She looked over to my father, her hands wringing in her lap. She said that a permit alone could cost me greatly, but I told her that I had already done research on how much it cost. But, I also said, I would love if you guys could spare a hundred or something so I don’t, like, freeze to death on the mountain because I couldn’t afford a coat. My dad laughed at that, but my mom just bit her lip. I promised to pay them back.

My mom and dad talked, and they finally came to an agreement to give me $500. My dad said, jokingly, that if I didn’t pay them back, that he would get to shave off what remained of my hair. (long story short: I decided to get a pixie cut and dyed the tips of my hair dark green, and I think it looks pretty bad. Casey says it looks good, though, so maybe I’ll keep it like this)

So, I left with an extra $500. It wasn’t much, compared to the monumental expenses of climbing Everest, but it was a start. I had to basically empty my spend account and dump it in my growth account. Who knows, I thought. Maybe by the time I climb Everest, I’ll have a whole extra dollar! (I actually ended up getting about ten dollars! Score!)

I started to train for the expedition. At first, I just worked normally at the gym, and then I started to use a mountain training mask. Basically, it just lowers how much oxygen your body gets, and it gets you ready to breathe the thinner mountain air. I also had to work really hard at my job to work up enough extra money so I could go to Nepal and not be bankrupt by the time I got back. I volunteered for every job, even the extra boring ones, and did my best to stay on track. Gradually, my bank account grew.

My friend, Jasmine, heard about this and decided to jump in. Jasmine is more serious than I am (job wise, at least), and, although she’s only like 20, she’s really smart. Her parents were able to afford insanely great schooling for her, and they chipped in for a lot of our trip. We probably we would have had to delay it another year if they hadn’t helped us so much. She and I get along well since she can kind of reel me in when I’m ready to run off.

So, while I was training, I was slowly buying the equipment I would need. Of course, I got the usual clothing--sweat-wicking underwear, long-sleeved shirt and long pants, fleece jacket, coat, and then a larger, bulkier coat, etc, etc. Pretty boring stuff, if you ask me.

But the coolest thing I bought was this air tank. First off, it is a lot lighter than other air tanks, but it can last a climber much longer, because of an incredibly incredible reason that is so incredible that it might just blow your incredibly uninformed mind. It is split into two compartments. One is filled with oxygen, the other is the air breathed out by the climber. There’s something techy about breathing in opening a valve and then breathing out closing it, so it leads to two different compartments, but I’m not really in that field of science, so what do I know? The air that is breathed out is filtered into the one compartment. There’s this bio paper thing that’s kind of like a plant in which it takes in the CO2 to make oxygen, but I literally have no idea how it works. I think there’s something to do with genetic manipulation, maybe? Who knows.

I’ve worked with it more than any of my other tanks and I love it to bits and pieces. I think it can last up to a week and a few days before the bio paper becomes worn out. After that, it becomes basically just a normal air tank.

So, anyways, we’re taking a plane tomorrow. This is like the only notebook I haven’t written in yet, so I’m taking it along. Luckily, it’s really sturdy. Not exactly my taste in books, since it is butt ugly. It’s from like five years ago, so that doesn’t help either. Well, whatever. It’ll do.

It’s going to take more than an entire day to get to Nepal, but we’re making it! I just finished packing not even like five minutes ago. Wait, just glanced at the clock. This has taken me a lot longer than I thought--forty minutes, actually! Well, I better sign off, if I’m going to catch the five o’clock flight tomorrow morning. Getting up at 3:30, driving out for thirty minutes, going through security, and then boarding. Sounds like fun, right?

See you in the morning!

Mallory Woodruff

March 01, 2018 (well, technically, it’s the second but it still feels like the first sooo)

Casey snores so loudly. I swear, my seat is shaking with the sound of him. I don’t want to wake him up though. If I could manage to fall asleep, I would too. But I’m not a great flyer, so I’d probably wake up and vomit all over myself.

Jasmine isn’t sleeping either. She’s still getting caught up with work. She’s kind of a push-over and takes other people’s unwanted work even when she doesn’t feel like doing it. She says that it’s not because she doesn’t want to stand up to them, it’s because she wants to get a promotion. But, if getting a promotion equals ten hours of work on a plane that has spent forever sputtering its way over eternal turbulence with no overpay, uh, thanks, but no thanks.

I’ve been passing the time by reading about Everest. Of course, lots of the writing is the “exciting” stuff that has happened on Everest, i.e., death, destruction, and the like. Maybe I should stop reading it. It’s interesting, but I guess it’s also kind of morbid for me to be reading it right now? Like, is it giving me bad karma? Does karma work like that? I don’t know.

We’re hitting more turbulence, and I doubt I’ll be able to make any comprehensible sentence in a few minutes. We’re supposed to land in like an hour, and then we take one final flight to Nepal.

Mallory Woodruff

March 03, 2018

Okay, so we’re in Nepal, and it’s warm. I mean, I know it was supposed to be warm, but I wasn’t actually expecting it to be this warm. With Everest so cold, it’s strange to me that, so close to the mountain, it’s warm. Anyways, update time.

So, we landed in Nepal smoothly. It was late, around one o’clock, when we landed. The other flight was supposed to get us to Nepal at ten, but it was delayed due to a storm. Talk about a bummer.

When we landed, I wanted to go out and eat somewhere nice. Casey had wanted to sleep some more, but when he heard about my idea, he instantly wanted to go, too. Jasmine eventually caved in, because, first off, food, and, second off, food.

So, we ate out. It was really nice, and I was so happy to not be eating plane/awful fast food. It was like a miracle, to have delicious spicy food again. I gobbled down my entire plate and then proceeded to wistfully mop up the remains of my dish and lick them off my finger. Casey had all of his, too, but then threw up later since he hadn’t eaten anything in like the past fifteen hours. (note to self: spicy food on an empty stomach is a no go. Learn from Casey’s mistake) Jasmine just ate some rice and had water.

Anyways, we have to take a short plane ride to Lukla tomorrow. We stopped in Kathmandu because it is gorgeous and I insisted on it. I accidentally left my camera at home, so you’ll have to make due with some crappy phone pictures.

The city is amazing, and, the best part, there are forests nearby. Like, national parks and stuff. If I were to move to Nepal, I would definitely come here. It’s really great. Wow, I sound so enthusiastic ending that sentence with a period. Shall I do it some more. Wow. I’m so excited that I’m going to climb Everest. Wow. Okay, I’ll stop now, haha. But seriously, it is beautiful around here!

It’s getting late, so I’m going to sign off. If anything cool happens on the flight, I’ll let you know!

Mallory Woodruff

March 04, 2018

The flight was only around 30 minutes, nothing crazy happened. The landing was terrifying though--the runway is so tiny! I swear, I was gripping Jasmine’s arm so hard that I’m surprised I didn’t break it. But, we’re safe and sound!

Today, we met with our guide. He speaks very limited English, but I’m sure that it won’t be a problem. After all, taking people places usually doesn’t require any words! I’m pretty good at reading expressions anyways, I think. Working with animals all the time has actually helped me learn people’s emotions and what they want to convey really well! It’s surprising, but sometimes I can guess what a person’s going to say even before they open their mouth. It’s a useful skill to have, I think.

We’re going to start our trek to Everest Base Camp today after we stretch for a little bit. I’ll probably write something once we stop.

Mallory Woodruff

March 04, 2018

Hey, for once I kept my word for doing something! For starters, let me talk about the villages.

So, people live on Everest. I don’t know if that’s common knowledge (I didn’t know before I started researching), but there you have it. They live in these small towns, with stone roads and stone houses. Although that sounds bland, they also have these amazing red roofs. The sun shines off of them softly, without the pernicious glare that reflective things back home have.

All our guide had to do was gesture at the village with a smile for us to freak out. Even Jasmine was in awe. There are a few cylindrical structures, with a small roof place on top. Tassels hang from the roof, which is shaped like a triangle but is kind of curvy. There are words written in a foreign language, in yellow-painted blocks. The main body is covered in red paint, and yellow and green designs line the top and bottom of the cylinder. It is just gorgeous!

They also have this line that runs throughout the village. There are faded cloths attached to it, colored in dim red and almost blushing blue shades. They are apparently prayer flags. Our guide told them that it’s not for gods; it’s for love and goodness. The flags apparently are made specifically to fly in the wind, to spread peace and joy. The village people believe it, and, if I’m being honest, watching the lines flicker in the wind, I do too.

We set up tents and are sleeping off the side of the trail. There are little lodges called tea houses, but we passed one, thinking we’d be able to make it to the next, since we were moving faster than expected. We were wrong. So, yeah.

I’m sleeping in Jasmine’s awesome tent (you can unzip parts of the tent for windows! In a tent! I wish my family was rich, then I could have cool tents too!), Casey brought his own tiny one, and our guide obviously has his own. I’ve seen at least six yaks, and we nearly ran into one on the trail. We had to walk around it, and the detour took a good twenty minutes to find a safe path, take it, and then get back to the trail. Definitely worth it, though! What I would give to study those yaks, though…

We have around another week to go before we make it up to base camp. I’ll try to update tomorrow!

Mallory Woodruff

March 09, 2018

Okay, so maybe I forgot about this and by the time I remembered I was too lazy to actually write in it. But! I’m writing now! We’re taking a quick water break and catching our breaths. I’ll catch you up on what’s happened since the fourth.

We’re about a day from base camp. We’ve actually made great time, and the weather has been super cooperative. The landscape has turned from green and gorgeous to pebbly and full of shrubs. It’s still pretty, and there are still prayer flags up here, it’s just not as welcoming as it was lower on the trail. Kind of crazy how different things can be just a little further up.

Remember those tea houses I mentioned? Well, we’ve only had to sleep in tents once since that first night. Our guide wanted us to be comfortable, so we’ve been able to sleep in one basically every night now. To sleep in beds is incredible, even if they are pretty stiff. You can also eat there, and by doing so, I’ve met a few people. Most are just going to base camp, hiking around, and then heading back down the mountain. A few have said that they’re attempting a summit, though! Glad to know that there are other crazies out there :)

Anyways, yesterday was the day that we had to sleep in our tents, and today we will too. The air is crazy thin up here. I am so happy that I trained really hard for this--I don’t think I would be able to make it up to camp otherwise. Our plan is to get to base camp, spend two days hiking, and then climb up to the higher camps.

So much has happened in the past nine days. Reading my old passages feels like they’re from a lifetime ago! It’s crazy; I don’t think time has ever held such meaning for me! Looks like we’re getting ready to move. I promise I will write as soon as we get to base camp.

Mallory Woodruff (why am I signing my name? I know it’s me. Maybe I should stop? Eh, too late now. Conformity!)

March 10, 2018

Haha! I did keep my promise! We’re here at base camp, and there are quite a few other climbers with their tents pitched. Some of them are really friendly, but most of them just want to be left alone as they enjoy the mountains. Our guide is going to accompany us on our first summit attempt, but after that, he’s leaving. (totally not because we couldn’t afford him any longer) He warned us against attempting a summit without a guide, but, although we didn’t tell him, we’re definitely going to do it anyways. Well, at least Casey and I will. Jasmine doesn’t seem too thrilled with the idea of climbing without someone who actually knows what they’re doing.

Anyways, like I said, we’re going to hike around for two days and then start climbing to the second camp. It’s going to take a really long time to get up to Camp IV, which is the camp directly before we attempt a summit. Like, 40 days long. I’ll try to update, but we’re probably going to be pushing pretty hard. :) See you later, I guess.

Mallory Woodruff

March 31, 2018

Halfway there! We just reached Camp II. It’s rough. So far, no need for oxygen tanks. Once we get to Camp IV, we’re going to need them, though. It’s crazy--every day feels incredible. Although, I do miss my bed… and the warm Wyoming sun… and my garden… BUT! It is still incredible to be on Everest. Besides, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I’ll always be able to sleep, sunbathe, and garden, but I won’t always be able to climb Everest!

Our camp is situated on a bed of rocks. Not exactly the most comfortable, but it’s the least slippery surface out here. There’s also a large ice wall-like thing behind us that keep the wind from, you know, blowing us off of the mountain in our sleep. Despite all its discomforts, it has a killer sunrise. Seriously, the colors tint the mountains in gorgeous shades of oranges and yellows, and the sun pokes his head out between the peaks, as if playing a game of peek-a-boo with me. It’s beautiful.

Sorry I haven’t been able to write recently. Also sorry that this entry is so short. I kind of want to focus on the trip while it’s happening, though. Otherwise, it’ll be over and I’ll have no memories but writing in this old journal! Plus, Jasmine and Casey got into a fight over something dumb. Jasmine is paranoid about work, and Casey told her to relax, Jasmine was like, Oh, shut up. You don’t work at all. Casey called her a rich asshole.

So. Yeah. That’s unfortunate. They haven’t talked to each other in like the past two days, but I’m sure they’ll eventually get over it. Besides, there’s not much else for one to do up here but think and talk. So I bet, in a few more days it’ll blow over.

Mallory Woodruff

April 03, 2018

Yep. They’re back to normal now. Jasmine is still worried about work, but Casey’s cooled off from her jabs. I’m glad it’s over--they were kind of using me as a shield against the other person and it really sucked.

We should get to Camp III in about a week. My brain feels numb from all of the snow, but, holy cow, I am happy that I have sunglasses. It’s blinding sometimes, even with them on! The way the sun smacks off of the snow and into your eyes--it hurts! I’ve avoided sunburns since I’m basically covered from head-to-toe. I am so glad that I have all of this equipment.

Oh! I also decided to take only two of my air tanks with me. The trip up to Everest will take only a day. When our guide learned that I was carrying four tanks, he just laughed and told me to pick one. I decided, hey, why not take two?

One will last me around three days, and the other is the super special one that I was talking about earlier. Really, there is probably no need for the first one, since the special one will probably sustain me just fine. But, you know, just in case. :)

There are only a few puffs in the sky today. It’s gorgeous.

Mallory Woodruff

April 09, 2018

Again, we made good time and arrived at Camp III a whole day early! That leaves us some time to chill, and, for me, to write in my journal!

I’ve been taking some wickedly great pictures. I wish I could print them out right now, but I’ll have to wait until I get back home. Even then, they’re not going to be of the highest quality. But, Jasmine has a camera (as I have learned in recent days), and I have been slowly mooching it off of her. Maybe I can convince her to print out some photos from it when she gets home? Hopefully!

Our guide is really kind and helpful. He’s been sure to keep us safe. If there’s any sign of a storm, he warns us to be careful and sometimes turns us back. Nothing has happened, though… yet! Haha.

Anyways, from here on out, it’s going to be really tough. Things are going to be slow, since the air’s so thin up here, and we’ll have to stop every half hour or so. When we’re not moving, I’m going to be catching my breath. So, you’ll just have to wait until we get there for an update. I’ll make sure to give you all the “deets,” though! I’m sure Jasmine and Casey will have another absolutely awesome fight to talk about.

Mallory Woodruff

April 20, 2018

Finally made it. Christ, I am tired. As expected, Jasmine and Casey are fighting again. The air isn’t the only thing that’s running thin up here.

I think Jasmine has gone into super high-stress mode now that her phone has no service (i.e., no communication to work, i.e., no way to make sure that everything’s going alright, i.e., Jasmine’s hell). She’s even short with me. I try to remind her that we are, after all, climbing Everest, but she won’t listen. To her, it’s probably not even that special. Her family could probably afford a summer home on Everest.

Casey’s been alright. He’s quieter than usual, probably because of the drama with Jasmine and stuff, but at least he’s not yelling at me.

With no one really to talk to, I guess I have some time to write. But I don’t really know what to write about…

We’re going to spend a day resting and then go attempt our first summit, at midnight. Our guide said that it’s best to start the climb at midnight, so we can make it up the mountain before the light dies the next day. He said we should get up there by morning, hopefully.

It’ll probably be our only try, since Jasmine’s head is going to explode if we spend much longer up here. I’m inclined to agree with her. I think all of this time spent together is somehow doing our friendships more harm than good. Once we get back to the States, this should all be undone. Hopefully.

Anyways, I’m probably just going to take more pictures tomorrow. Don’t miss me too much, journal.

Mallory Woodruff

April 21, 2018

Ascent day! I’m really excited! Not even Casey’s and Jasmine’s bickering can make this day go badly. I am determined to make the most of this day/night. In about 30 minutes, we’re going to start climbing. There are a few clouds, and the wind has picked up a little bit, but our guide says it should be alright. He feels bad for how Casey and Jasmine have been bickering and promised us to try his very best to get us to the summit.

I should probably stop writing and help out. I’ll write later hopefully, once we reach the summit! Not much though, I’ll probably just write ‘summit!’ or something, since I’ll want to enjoy the view as much as I can. I’ll make the word very pretty though! Maybe I’ll curve the S specially and make the t wind underneath the whole word--that would look pretty great. :)

Mallory Woodruff

April ???

Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit.

I have no idea what day it is. At least three days have passed. I’ve been out for almost all of it, I have no idea what to do.

Shit.

I’ve lost everyone. I can’t move, either. The storm blew in way too much snow, every step is a risk. All I could do was build a snow den.

I have enough water for a while. I’m asleep (well, passed out), most of the time. I have no idea when rescue will arrive, so I’ve set my air tank to its lowest setting. Christ, I just need to explain everything.

We were climbing up the mountain when the winds began to pick up. It was about an hour after we had started. Our guide, being the careful man that he is, said that we should stop and go back to camp. He even offered us a free day of his labor so we could attempt the summit again.

So, we turned back. But the storm had crept up on us in the dark. The winds picked up, and kicked up the snow. My flashlight could barely scout out a few inches in front of me. It was pitch-black too, so that didn’t help anything either.

The howling gusts overpowered our voices. I screamed for Casey and Jasmine, but I never heard a response. Eventually, I had to assume that either they had run to camp, or they were dead. I built a snow shelter, basically a glorified hole in the side of the mountain.

I collapsed and turned my air tank down to the lowest setting. I think it has a day left in it. That’s what the meter says, anyway.

I am so infinitely happy that I was carrying my extra tank. I also have at least two dozen bottles of water. I have some food, but not enough for more than a few days. At least since I’m barely awake, I don’t need as much to stay alive. My clothing layers are all that’s keeping me warm enough. But I can already feel the beginnings of frostbite. You aren’t meant to stay still when trekking on Everest.

The snowstorm hasn’t stopped yet. It’s crazy how powerful it is. On one of the days I remember, I had to clear out my den, since it was filled with a fine powder of snow. Also, the fact that the storm isn’t over yet poses another risk--rescue. They obviously can’t send a chopper in this weather, so I’m just going to have to hold on as long as I can.

This might be my last entry ever. If so, mom, dad, I love you so much. I doubt that you’ll ever read this message if I die, but on the off chance that you do, know that I love you more than my job, despite what you probably think.

Jasmine, I love you too. Please chill once in a while. It helps all of us, but mostly you.

Casey, never stop being you. Find yourself a nice woman and have the romance you’ve been dreaming about.

I don’t even know why I’m writing. I should stop.

The storm is finally over. My first tank is empty, but it doesn’t matter because I have my second. I attached it without any issues.

I cleared away some snow and laid out my empty water bottles and bags of provisions, and my air tank. Forgive me for polluting, but this is the best way for someone to spot me. In my snow hut, I’m going to be invisible, despite my bright orange coat. But I can’t go out, in case it starts to snow again. Plus, everything is unsteady. If I took one step beyond my garbage signal, I would probably tumble down the mountain.

All I can do is hope, and wait. I’m too tired to continue writing. I have to turn my oxygen back down, just in case. It’ll make me pass out, but I’ll have enough to last me at least a few days. I’ll eventually wake up. I will.

Okay, so let me start this off by saying I have no idea what the hell happened.

I woke up in a strange cave. My stuff is all in the corner, but the floor is dirt and the ceiling is ice. So, if this is the government’s rescue mission, they chose a strange place to put me.

What concerns me is the shape of the cave. I’ve worked in the field for a long time. When an animal lives in an area for a long time, especially dig-outs, the walls become smooth from them constantly rubbing past them. Usually, the area has to be pretty small. Otherwise, their bodies won’t reach everywhere.

This cave is showing the same signs. However, it is a large cave, so the animal that supposedly lives here must be massive, easily eight or nine feet tall. More likely, its height is in the double digits.

At the same time, it just can’t be an animal den. It feels more like a person’s hideaway than a den. There are no bones or discarded branches. No urine smell. I’ve never seen an animal keep its den this clean. Hell, I don’t keep my house this clean.

Finally, there was just a pile of blackberries waiting for me. Fresh. As if picked a few hours ago. Do you know the last time I saw vegetation?

Before we reached base camp. Which is now more than 3,000 meters below me.

What. The. Hell.

Maybe it’s the abominable snowman, but he grows a really nice garden and heats it using his magic. Maybe he’s super civil and shit, and enjoys a strong cup of tea. Brushes his fur every night with a comb elegantly carved from pine wood. He’s probably so nice that he brought me FURTHER UP THE MOUNTAIN.

Oh yeah, not kidding. I’m definitely higher up. I’ve had to turn up my oxygen input, because I will not wake up if I turn it any lower. Not in this temperature. Plus, I don’t want to be surprised again by whatever took me up here. My tank has about a week left in it, I think.

I need to start moving. I’m going to eat the blackberries and then head out. There’s no way that a rescue team will think to search for me higher up on the mountain than where I was when the storm hit. They’ll just assume I’m dead. I’m going to start walking down.

Okay, so I have two things to say.

One, I’m not going to be heading down the mountain for a long time.

Two, I found what brought me up here.

So, I walked out of the strange cave and not even five feet away was a gigantic creature. I have never seen anything like it. It has no fur. Rather, it looks like it only has scales. But there’s no way that it’s a regular reptile. A cold-blooded creature would freeze to death in seconds at this height. Anything would, but especially something that has no internal body temperature.

Its jaw jutted from its face, and massive teeth spike out from them. Angular horns formed from the side of its head and flanked its jaw. Crown-like ice structures (or perhaps more horns) poked out on its head. It looks like that, naturally, it would be white, but it is pale blue on every edge of its body. Almost like it’s suffering from frostbite, but all of its limbs have remained intact.

Its claws are massive, easily closeable and made for crushing. Its shoulders are rough and powerful. It has a tail with a claw-like appendage at the end, the use of which I can only imagine in my nightmares. Its belly is plated with sharp, curving scales that fold over each other to allow easy movement.

Although my biologist’s mind noted all of this in a moment, I was instantly drawn to its eyes. They were the only part of the creature that stuck out from the snow. They were a deep orange, blazing with life. I could see recognition in them. The way it focused on me was not in a normal, animal one. It was like… it knew me. I think it’s intelligent.

I’ve never seen something like it. I have no idea how it’s alive up here. Why hasn’t anyone seen it before? Why haven’t I heard of it?

After I saw it, I didn’t scream and I didn’t run. If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my time on the field is that the best thing you can do during a situation is be calm. I just turned around and walked back into the cave. Every step caused more blood to flow from my head and into my feet. Once I felt the dirt underneath my shoes, I passed out.

And now I’m awake. I’ve checked my tank--I haven’t been out long. Perhaps an hour or so. There are more blackberries on the ground. I have now realized that it put the blackberries there earlier. It’s keeping me alive. But why? Why not just eat me?

That’s another reason why I’m drawing the conclusion that it is intelligent. There is no other way to explain its strange, un-animal-like behavior. I’m going to go out again, but this time, I’m going to try to see what I can learn about it. I don’t think it means me harm. If it does, there’s not much I can do anyway. I’m bringing my journal, in the rare chance that I can get a sketch of it.

Wish me luck. I hope I don’t die.

It’s night now. Let me explain what happened during the eight hours in which I didn’t write anything.

It definitely means me no harm. When I came out again, it did nothing but watch me with those warm sunrise eyes. I approached and, despite my best abilities, I was shaking pretty badly. When I reached it though, all it did was lift its head.

It stared at me, as if drinking in every detail. From the tip of my hat to the toes of my boots, it memorized me. If I had any doubts about its intelligence, I forgot them then.

I felt like I was on the field again, but the roles were reversed. Suddenly, I was the animal being studied under the watchful eye of a giant. It was terrifying but thrilling. In a strange way, I felt as if I was being cared for by it, like its recognition was something to be treasured.

As the day wore on, our “friendship” grew. It showed me to its berry storage. There were dozens of fresh branches. How it brought them up the mountain, I don’t know. 

It also allowed me to sketch it. I have a few pages filled with drawings and rough measurements. My phone is dead, though, and Casey was the one handling the solar panels and extra batteries. So, no photos.

It is way more intelligent than I previously thought. I talked to it out of habit (and partially out of loneliness), and it looked at me with… interest. Understanding. Like it was learning the English language as I was speaking to it. I would kill to get a brain scan of this creature.

In less than three hours, I have been able to communicate it using simple hand gestures. It picked up on them quickly, far more quickly than even a moldable-brained toddler could. However, it doesn’t just know the hand signs, it understands them too.

We watched the sunset together. I sat with it near a cliff face. It stared at the sun as it dipped behind the tree line far below, its slitted pupils dilating and growing as they adjusted to the changing light. I watched the sunset by looking at the reflection of it on the creature’s eyes. It never looked at me once, entranced by the beautiful colors. Occasionally, it would close its eyes in a manner that I can only describe as longing. It would tilt back its head and breathe in deeply, its nostrils flaring, as if marking this moment in time, a sweet memory to savor in dark times. I understand the feeling.

When it was dark, the creature stood. Stretching, it motioned at me to move. We returned to the den, and there was just enough room for the both of us. I turned on my flashlight and tried to communicate more with the creature using hand signals. It couldn’t reply well, but it was obvious that it understood me.

I motioned at myself and held up one finger. Then, I gradually began to add more to my hand, until I had all five fingers up. Then I pointed down the mountain. I gestured at it and raised one finger, tilting my head inquisitively. The question was clear: where is your family?

The beast didn’t do anything for a second, silently staring at my finger, single among the other folded fingers. It closed its eyes and laid its head on the ground. Confused, I craned my neck to see why it had ignored me. A small tear leaked out of its closed eye, instantly crystallizing on its cheek. I turned away, my heart thudding painfully.

There are none left of its kind.

Is that why it took me? How long has it been alone? I think it’s lonely, really lonely. Maybe that’s why it hasn’t killed me yet.

…

I haven’t thought about escape much. Well, until now I suppose. This creature… whatever it may be, it is the most interesting thing that has ever happened to me. I can’t think about Jasmine or Casey. I have to focus on what’s going on in front of me. If they are dead, my tears will not help, and if they aren’t, then I have no reason to cry.

I’m going to sleep now.

Today was wonderful. The creature gave me more berries to eat. Although they are getting old (and are quite frostbitten), they still are tastier than the pre-packaged food I’ve been living off of for the past few weeks.

I’ve managed on my water well. I have to be careful, though. It’s cold enough up here that any dribbles will freeze. I don’t think it’s cold enough to freeze my mouth, but I’m going to be careful, just in case. I think if I drink about two bottles per day, I could live up here for about a week.

I have started calling the creature Hiransh. I don’t know many Nepali names, and, plus, I think my great grandfather’s fits him perfectly. Hiransh doesn’t seem to need food or water. Of course, he must eat and drink at some time; all creatures must. I believe that he is a predominantly hibernal animal. Almost like mountain goats, I think he spends most of his life on the mountains, coming down occasionally to eat, but, unlike goats, spends lots of his time sleeping. It makes the most sense to me.

His tail is the strongest part of his body, that much I have learned. Four large claws sprout out of the end of it, and, as he once allowed me to inspect it, I have discovered that, inside the claws, it is covered with tiny, hook-like bones. They curl inwards to the center of the tail. 

Here is my theory: Using his tail for balance, he climbs up and down the mountains every few months to get food. His tail is used almost like a fifth leg. He relies on it to grasp surfaces as he moves along the terrain, and, on occasion, to support himself as he climbs directly upwards. Despite his bulky build, he has shown himself to be fluid of movement. I would ask him if I’m correct, but he’s been icy since my question about his family. Pun definitely intended.

Anyways, Hiransh has kept me safe. He can’t keep me warm (he is cold-blooded, as I have found out. Still no clue how his body can deal with that), but he does block most of the wind with his gigantic body. I think he has come to see me as almost a hatchling of his own. With no one else around, it seems perfectly natural for him to do that.

He showed me a new den that he has been building. It is much bigger than his old one. He sat at the entrance, staring after me with a pleased expression in his eyes as I explored his cave. I have noticed over time that he’s meticulously neat--no piles of snow clutter the inside of the cave, no claw marks gouge the carefully patted-down floor, and branches from the berries are stacked in the corner.

I wonder how many caves he’s built. On top of that, I wonder how long he’s been alive. I would bet he has been around for quite a long time. He has an ancient, all-knowing air to him. Maybe that’s romanticizing things a little bit, haha.

I have to think of him as less as a subject to be studied, and more of as a friend. Perhaps it is because I am alone up here, but I like to think that, in any circumstance, Hiransh and I would get along well.

I almost wish I could stay up here forever. Hiransh is the discovery of a lifetime. 

Perhaps my mom was right. Maybe I do love my job more than my friends and family.

Spent three days without writing anything. Very sorry! I have been really busy--will tell you more about it tomorrow!

So, I’m heading to bed now. Let me tell you what’s happened over the past few days. So, the first out of the four that I have to talk about. Hiransh worked on his den. I couldn’t do much, but I helped pack in the walls, so they were more structurally sound. He was appreciative of my work and grumbled a low thanks in his chest. It made me feel warm inside.

We worked well together, with him doing the moving and me doing the sculpting. He was doing work that would’ve taken me weeks, and I was doing work that he would have to rely on time to accomplish for him.

By the end of the first day, the den was mostly done. It wasn’t perfect, but it was much larger than his last home. Instead of his back scraping the roof, he would have to stand on his hind legs to brush it with his head. I’m serious when I said it was big!

We moved my stuff to the new den. I kind of just slung it in the corner, and plopped down. Hiransh shuffled around before coming to sit beside me. When I turned to look at what he did, I saw that my backpack and all the other things that I was carrying were neatly reorganized.

He and I are more different than two creatures could be. He’s in his comfort zone up here; that much is obvious. I’m not… but that has been made quite clear by recent events, right? He’s also meticulously neat for an animal. He rarely has a scale out of place, where, here I am, sometimes not able to remember which way is left and which way is right.

But, we do make quite a pair.

So, after that day, he let me ride him. Yeah, you heard that right. I rode this snow creature. It was terrifying, and he didn’t go faster than a trot, but it was incredible. I was so high up, and I felt almost connected to him through the roll of his muscles. I never stopped squeezing my arms around his neck for dear life, though.

He showed me how he hunted. It’s something that I’ve been wondering about. Surely a creature of his stature couldn’t survive on berries alone. He demonstrated with a tiny branch that has already been stripped of its blackberries. So, he buries himself quickly underneath the snow and, if needed, into the dirt. Then, he covers himself with the snow and waits for something to walk over him. When it does, he bursts out of the snow and catches the creature in his jaws.

Let me tell you, seeing this massive snow lizard erupt out of the snow just to “kill” a twig the length of my forearm is actually the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.

We watched the sunset together, again. This time, I didn’t stare at him, though. I just looked ahead.

Yesterday, we just hung out in the snow. He and I dug random snow pits. Of course, his were always bigger. But mine were more elaborate, if I do say so myself. I love the idea of some random climber stumbling upon them and thinking that there are aliens on Everest making weird snow shrines. Hehe, but still not as funny as Hiransh killing a stick.

Today, he took me to where he finds his berries. It’s actually not that far down the mountain, surprisingly. If the gigantic claw marks in the wall have anything to say, I think that he actually planted it himself.

He has dug out a wide pit for the berries, down to the rock of the mountain, and filled the hole with soil. On top of the soil, he put dark black rocks, which is something I never would’ve thought of in a million years. It’s genius that he’s using colors to keep the berries warm. He lays thin layers of snow on top of the rocks, which melt and water the plants. Everything he does just makes me think that he’s that much smarter than I thought before.

I also sketched more pictures of him. I’m always learning something new about him. It seems that there is no end to his secrets. If only I had access to better lab equipment, I might be able to run some actual tests…

Well, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. For now, I’m tired. Tomorrow, we’re planning on some more snow fun! Maybe I can teach him how to make a snowman. Doubtful, with those big, clumsy claws of his, but I can try. :)

I’m back at base camp.

Only a day has passed.

I’ve never felt so hollow before.

May 13th, 2018

I think I can talk about this now. I’m sitting in a hotel room right now. Casey has finally left me alone. Tomorrow I’m leaving for the States. Goodbye, Nepal. Goodbye, Hiransh.

Let me explain what happened.

I woke up in the middle of the night. Coughing. It was so bad, I had to breathe in every five seconds, but I never had enough air. I was sick multiple times, all over myself. Hiransh woke up as well, his orange eyes snapping open instantly. I was grasping at my throat, trying to remove the empty air tank’s mask. Hiransh understood what I was trying to do and slashed off the mask with his claws. In his terrified rush, he left a deep cut on my cheek. Despite the mask being taken off, I was coughing and unable to breathe.

Finally, Hiransh seemed to come to a decision. He carefully scooped me up in his jaws. Strangely enough, the only teeth that he has are outside of his mouth, so instead of being impaled the moment he picked me up, I was just bounced along inside.

He made it down the mountain in record time. I passed in and out of consciousness. Only the splash of snow on my face kept me from slipping away. He would bound, bound, bound, skid to a stop, kick up snow, and then bound, bound, bound again. It was jarring.

Finally, we were far enough down the mountain that I could breathe. I took in the air in gasps, planting my hands on the side of Hiransh’s face. Once he realized that it wasn’t a fit for air, he let me from his jaws. Pebbly earth met my boots.

I held Hiransh’s massive head in my hands, feeling the rough scratch of his scales against my skin. A tear slipped down his face, but this time it did not turn to ice.

“Hiransh,” I whispered. I realized he wouldn’t understand me, so I tried to sign to him that I was heartbroken.

I told him that I couldn’t breathe up there. I was never going to be able to live with him. His shoulders slumped, and his ice-blue eyelids closed over his inner fire. I’m so sorry Hiransh. He’s alone. No one will ever be able to stay with him.

I told him that I would come back. I promised that I would meet him by the berry patch in the summer. I vowed to return.

I will return.

Hiransh, please do not give up.

2 Feb. ‘81

This took hours to find. My old bones made it such a pain, too. But, I have to, before I fade away.

Since I suppose that this journal will be given away, I must explain a few things. Like what happened with the rest of my life.

Well, I just kept living it. People discovered me where Hiransh had left me. I was stumbling down the mountain, crying and without a backpack, my phone, or anything really. All I had was the journal that was in my hands when I fell asleep. Luckily, the winds blew snow over Hiransh’s tracks. He was never discovered.

Of course, people were curious. I managed to hide the journal in time, but the press bothered me for days afterwards, when all I wanted to do was mourn the loss of a friend.

Casey and Jasmine were both alive. Jasmine had severe frostbite on her ears, and on three of her left fingers. Her pinkie had to be amputated. But, otherwise, they were miraculously unharmed. Our reunion was tearful. I don’t remember much but a blur. It seems as if all of my memories are like that nowadays.

I continued with my job when I got home and never told anyone about Hiransh. I hid the journal--I knew I should’ve burned it, but I feared that, if I did, I would lose my memories of Hiransh, convince myself that they were just a dream. So, I held onto it, quietly.

I went to therapy, obviously. Eventually, I stopped having panic attacks and got over my chronic sadness. I was able to stop when I was 35, 12 years after the incident. I was never the same, though. Never as excitable, never as fun-loving, never as... naive.

I never forgot Hiransh, like I had feared I would. The place he scratched me when trying to save my life has turned into a scar. I think of him almost every day, wondering how he is doing alone. It breaks my heart to have the terrible knowledge of him, alone on the mountain. Unless someone out there discovered him and is as good at keeping a secret as I am, I doubt he’s been found.

Casey and I married when we were 38. I know, a little later than most, but we wanted to be ready. We adopted a Nepali girl, four years old. We named her Lily. We had our first grandchild when we were 68. A boy named Thomas.

And then there’s you, sweet child. You were always my favorite grandkid (don’t tell your brother that). You loved my work so much. And so I will pass it onto you.

I have spent a lifetime tracking down the berry patch that Hiransh showed me all of those years ago. I have attached the coordinates, as accurate as I could make them, to this journal. You may choose not to believe me, but I implore you, please, please, please, travel to Everest, visit the berry patch, and you will find that I am telling the truth. Grandma Mallory was never one for dementia, right? Don’t be stupid, either. Tell people you are going, but don’t bring them with you. Take a guide, but leave them before the summit. Don’t tell anyone about him, even if you choose to not believe me. Go during summer, in April. He will be waiting.

I know he will.

I love you. Remember me when I’m gone.

Mallory Woodruff.

*wipes sweat off of forehead*

Finally done! If I ever want to revisit this story, it would be quite fun to write about Mallory’s grandkid, and maybe about her grandkid, and so on and so forth. Maybe it would gradually be integrated into the Woodruff family, a treasured family secret, perhaps? But, that’s a story for another time. :) Thanks for reading!

- L.E. Silva

#everest #short story #writing #writers on tumblr #adventure #SSSChallenge

[hhhhh-waitwhat]

Star Trek: The wrath of Khan

Finally watching this immediately after seeing tmp for the first time and I already miss This Simple Feeling [SPOILERS BELOW]

-spock looks amazing as always I am already in love with this red outfit aaaa

-wait where's kirk

-damn indeed

-evasive action! *explodes*

-SPOCK!! UHURA!!! We are one minute in

-Jesus? No, that's just Kirk, he's extra like that

-aaaaa i see

-yaas bones so dramtic

-Jim why must you roast them like that

-shdhejje they're gifting each other poetry now?! This is the best of times

-illegal smuggle buddies

-old man Kirk better wise up we have 3 more movies to go

-FIRST OFFICER CHEKOV?! in my dreams

-whos this nervous mop and cool lady what

-not at all ominous shed in the desert, looks like a good place to chill

-always trust Chekov

-the Botany Bay mafia has arrived

-WHAYHSHb great to finally meet you mr khan

-read the room new captain geez

-Chekov never told me the tale too :(

-Jim is a busy man khan he can't just keep checking on everyone he abandoned

-TITS OUT KHAN

-aww but it's like a worm armadillo

-oh nooo don't out it in their ears ewww

-AAAA IT LICK

-aah back to the comfort of the enterprise

-personally i love the dad glasses Jim

-a tiny boi SIR

-vulcan the real language of love

-lmao bones and Jim snarking on the new guys

-YES ASTRONAUT GUY!!! tiny spaceman is my favourite reoccurring star trek movie minor character

-Sulu's smile melts my heart 💖

-more like Starship Un-reliant

-someone save Chekov my poor baby

-Bones lmaoo are you casually drunk

-SHAKE YOUR HEAD NO JIM ITS CALLED NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION YELL CAROL NO

-be still my beating heart Spock in a robe

-ohohoho suddenly Spock's out here with the outbursts of Jim you're the only one for me the enterprise

-AAAAYYYYYY WE GOT EM, I GOT MY 'THIS SIMPLE FEELING'

-I have been, and always will be, yours.

-I have been, and always will be, yelling about this scene from now on

-*chanting* Captain Kirk, Captain Kirk

-khan really does subscribe to the Jim Kirk Titties Out look

-coughwhydotheycallthemmrsavik is this a subtitle error orrrr trans vulcan Savik confirmed

-hmm seems kinda op to just make any planet living

-cant see how that could go wrong at all

-alright Bones we should probably go about this at a different way instead of insulting Spock but I get what you're putting down

-hahs khan that's your intimating line?! I love it, reminds me of megamind lmaoo revenge is a dish served cold

-that guy just FLEW on the bridge!!!

-oof khan got em good, his bite is stronger then his bark

-sup khan long time no see

-unforgivable that they did that to the lovely lady enterprise

-amazing work as always Jim but Chekov!!! We must save him and his worm

-good god who is that in your arms Scotty why did you bring them to the BRIDGE

-its the baby boy!!! you did well my red shirt baby, rest well

-i love how bones didn't even wanna be here at first but now he won't even let Jim beam down to planets alone without him

-hewwo? Mop head and the lovely and smart Carol?

-oh there are the rest

-CHEKOV IS BACK!!! everyone hug him NOW

-thats a big sonic screwdriver

-mop head and Carol, living it up in a bunker woot woot

-Chekov betrayal! I don't blame you baby boy I blame the rest for not listening when you told them about the ear worm like what did we expect

-Terrel noooo!! I didn't appreciate you enough I'm sorryyyyy

-wait why did Chekov's worm leave is he just that powerful

-that "KHAN" was so loud I'm surprised the enterprise didn't hear it ahshssh

-OFC Kirk has a complicated relationship with Carol smdh

-LIKE HIS FATHER?!? MOP HEAD IS KIRKS...?!?!

-my son.. look at my son!! *bursts into Hamilton song and dance

-not gonna lie I did read a spirk fic today where I believe it mentioned his son and wife died but I paid it no heed, now I'm second guessing everything ajsjsje the line between cannon and fannon continues to blur in my mind

-wowow dang Carol you really outdid yourself this place is straight ART

-kirk big brain cheated and Starfleet were so impressed they just let it slide immmm

-okay wow this crew montage and dramatic music has no right to get me this pumped up

-omg mop wears a jumper around his shoulders like a rich tennis player are we SURE this is Jim's son

-khan even nearly has the titty scar wound too he's more like Jim then mop boy will ever be

-second movie second serve of flashing lights, I really need to stop watching these in the dark

-do y'all really think khan is the kind of guy to surrender lololol

-crazy that spite kept him and only him alive like that huh

-AAAAA SHITS GETTING REAL SPOCK WENT ROGUE

-no hesitation we mind meld with whoever, Spock you naughty boy

-Me, Bones and Scotty all yelling at Spock to STOP SACRIFICING YOURSELF at every dang opportunity sjjdidkdj we CARE

-dang khan what a way to go out

-All is good so far? Did we win?

-OH FUCK SPOCK! RUN KIRK, RUN TO SPOCK HE NEEDS YOU

-wow I've never seen him run so fast and- did he just push over a random guy??? Go Jim nothing can stop you

-oh my god no

-no

-this is the second movie he can't die now?!?!? im not ready for thefamous touch through the glass scene I glimpse on Tumblr IM NOT READY

-i just have it paused. i don't even want the camera to pan across and show Spock I KNOW I'll cry

-deep breath

-i can't type too busy crying my heart out, spoooooooooooooooooooock

-OH MY GOD JIM DONT CRY TOO WAAAAAAAAA THE TEARS DONT STOP

-i should never have watched the movies I was so happy with just the original series, imagining my boys together exploring space for all eternity

-amd now I'll never stop crying ahsjdusjjs

-Okay okay okay I couldn't even wait till the end of the movie i HAD to know NOW, my poor heart couldn't go on otherwise-so, after a brief glance at the next movie descriptions Spock is IN bones in Search for Spock?!?! And then he's alive maybe in the next one I'm so confused my heart is so wearyyy

-too numb for the rest I can't deal with you rn mop head

-we are in MOURNING

-Jims broken I'm broken we're all fucked up now

-cant even hug right I feel ya Jim we are empty on the inside

-okay bones sure he's not dead if we remember him but also HES NOT DEAD DEAD RIGHT?! It's too late now to start another movie but I am dyingggg to know what happens next send help

-you're going to bring up your birthday Jim?!? Remind both of us how you were too busy sulking to appreciate Spock's poetry I swear to goddd next time you see Spock I am BEGGING you to shower him in all the love and affection he desrves

-wish they'd do a Sherlock and he's just hiding behind a tree :(

-wellllll I mean??? He sorta was??? Egg spock

-stop making me cryyyyyy opening in Spock's voice ahshshsbs I hope those gravely lines are the last thing I hear

-FINALLY it is OVER I can try to mend my broken heart with fanfics hhhhh

-got me outta nowhere with Spock and I am draineddd, can't wait to watch the next one soon 💕

#liveblogging #star trek #sorry its long I just had to get my thoughts out #what a movie that was so different from the first!!! in a good way but man was there a lot going on #dont think i could watch it again though spock dying is just TOO SAD #if anyone out there has any great fics I could read that dont spoil the next movies and preferably have a good ending pLEASE let me know #ACK sorry the tags are all messed up i wanted the movie title first but i wrote star trek tmp like a FOOL #wrath of khan #st: twok #star trek the wrath of khan