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#ACTUALLY
cooler-cactus-block · 2 days ago
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Okay but that brings to mind a really funny scenario where, for some reason, Grift *does* end up drawing Xels attention (maybe he needs something only Grift seems to have access to) so one day, Grift returns home to his bunker, maybe distracted by a snow storm outside so he doesn't notice anything's amiss at first. And Xels just. Sitting in a chair, waiting for him. Maybe he's got one leg propped up on the other. And Grift just *shrieks* in terror
Oh Grift would absolutely die. Worst case scenario for him, right there.
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hollyand-writes · 2 days ago
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I was tagged this week by @morganlefaye79 and last week by @starsandskies, @laniardraws, @ashalle-art, @rusted-pipe-of-wisdom – thanks so much! ❤️ 
This week, I’m going to share the M!Hawke/Arishok crack fic I started for my Qunari Exchange assignment and then had to abandon. Title, fic summary, and then fic snippet below 😁 
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An Unlikely Coupling
The reason Varric left out the actual duel Hawke had with the Arishok in The Tale of the Champion? Well, because no-one would believe it.
.
.
‘Maraas toh ebra-shok. You alone are basalit-an,’ was what Varric would later tell Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast when recalling the ‘true’ Tale of the Champion, before going on to tell her about the duel that Garrett Hawke and the Arishok had fought. But in truth, Hawke’s ‘duel’ with the Arishok had looked… very different to Varric’s tale.
Varric certainly had the Arishok’s respect for Hawke down right – the Arishok did indeed declare Hawke basalit-an, the one human in the city he respected, the one human he had any time for. And ‘You alone stand above the struggle’ was indeed what the Arishok had told Hawke in Qunlat. But the rest of it?
Well.
Any storyteller worth his salt knew damn well that when telling a story, you had to make it believable. And Varric Tethras was a storyteller worth his salt, which was why he would later write in his book (and recite to the Seeker) that Hawke defeated the Arishok in single combat. But truth was often stranger than fiction, and it was certainly the case here.
Hawke’s one-on-one encounter with the Arishok had gone… very differently.
The Arishok and his men had simply left Kirkwall as soon as Isabela had returned with the Tome of Koslun – no duel had needed to take place, with the Tome returned and the Arishok’s purpose in Kirkwall finally fulfilled – and so the only ‘sword-fighting’ Hawke had challenged the Arishok to, was one final face-off in the Arishok’s tent in the Qunari Compound before the antaam departed for Par Vollen for good.
‘Shanedan, Hawke,’ the Arishok rumbled, for the second time that day, as the jaunty, dark-haired human man turned up in his tent, grinning with gleaming neat white teeth through his dark beard at the sight of the huge Qunari leader. ‘I was expecting you.’
‘You were wise to,’ Hawke replied cheerfully, settling down his weapons and closing the red door-flap for some privacy, as Qunari soldiers packed their things outside. ‘Well. I’m sure you know by now what I’m here for.’
The Arishok scowled, but gestured resignedly for Hawke to come further into his tent.
In Par Vollen, the Arishok once explained to Hawke, when his respect and trust for this odd and curious human had risen high enough, there were tamassrans who you could visit for some… relief, whenever you needed it. But with so long away from their homeland, with so long since the Arishok and his men had seen the familiar sights and people of Qunandar, it was understandable that they were very… frustrated, in more ways than one.
Hawke had looked at him keenly then. I’m no Qunari, Hawke had said, brave and bold and fearlessly forthright as he always was, and obviously I’m no tamassran. But these are unusual circumstances, and desperate times surely call for desperate measures. If you’re willing, I’m willing.
Hawke was lucky. Any other bas and those words might have been their last. The Arishok, as much as he hated to admit it (it was far beneath the dignity of his position), was desperate – and Hawke could tell. An arrangement, therefore, was proposed. The Arishok, as per the Qun’s dictates, had no further interest other than sexual relief every now and again – with the tensions rising between him and Kirkwall, it did not help if he himself were tense and frustrated for his own reasons – and this suited Hawke just fine, even if none of his companions (especially Varric) seemed to approve.
But the Arishok had said no.
Until now.
‘You are basalit-an; you are worthy,’ the Arishok repeated with a frown, as if he was mulling it over, before finally making his decision. ‘Meravas. So shall it be.’
Varric’s disapproval and incredulity might well have been a factor in the dwarf later making up that an epic single-combat battle had been fought, all clashing swords and steel and honour and a fight to the death. For now, however, armour fell with a clatter and clang to the ground; underclothes followed soon after; and presently the Arishok stood naked before an equally naked Hawke, who looked the other man up and down in approval, taking in his huge, muscular grey frame, and the enormous cock between his legs. 
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I tag everyone who tagged me who hasn’t done it yet, as well as: @noire-pandora, @vixiak, @dismalzelenka, @hobo-apostate, @midnightprelude, @charlatron, @ser-thirst-a-lot, @faux-fires, @vonuberwald, @storybookhawke, @hechizero-emplumado, @factorykat, @pikapeppa, @cartadwarfwithaheartofgold, @pinkfadespirit, @cleverblackcat and anyone else who wants to do this! ❤️
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artbyblastweave · 7 months ago
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I’m not even joking- has anyone ever done lovecraftian eldritch abominations that, like, go out of their way to avoid bothering humans?
 Because if you want to run with the “we’re like ants to them” metaphor, most people who aren’t total assholes are making, like, an active choice not to stomp on anthills or squash random bugs. They step over or around. And it’s not the bog-standard indifference of the genre, there’s an active thought process of “You’re not bothering me so I won’t bother you.” I want a story about people exploring an eldritch horror-city like Ryleh, and eventually it turns out that all the bizarre psychological torture and warping environs and all that are an elder god’s equivalent of trying to shoo out a fly or a spider without killing it. I want a story about how the empathy of an elder god is just as dangerous as it’s wrath.
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omgcheckplease · 7 months ago
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i like how you guys are like “wow does she know about the omgcp fandom” i have been on tumblr for 8 weeks straight drawing luke skywalker and the mandalorian boning—of COURSE i know. XD like, we’re really all on this blue website trying not to perceive each other
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izukine · 2 months ago
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bye this needs to be on the dash LOOK AT MY HUSBANDAKAKAKA I NEED HIM
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cr: naolime22 (tik tok) bio: “please properly credit if repost”
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neopronounsmybelovaed · 5 months ago
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You know TERFs are going to clown on my posts about dysphoria and send me death threats even if I used nice respectable binary pronouns, right?
You know my nonbinary friend, who uses they/them pronouns, is going to get misgendered even if I used they/them pronouns too, right?
You know trans people are going to get kicked out of their houses even if I stuck to the more common pronouns, right?
You know conservative states are going to keep passing anti-trans legislation even if I only used one set of pronouns, right?
You know access to blockers, hormones, and surgeries for trans people is going to be restricted even if I didn't make pronoun puns, right?
You know there are going to be hate crimes against trans people even if I stop using neopronouns for myself, right?
You know transphobia is going to exist with or without neopronouns, right?
You know trans people have never been taken seriously by cis people, even the normal ones who have dysphoria and medically transition to binary genders and use binary pronouns, right?
You know that trying to make the trans community more palatable to cis people isn't actually helping the trans community, right?
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Enthusiastic people are the ones who actually get things done in this world. Enthusiasm is what turns any idea into reality. And enthusiasm is linked closely with happiness.
Roy Sheppard
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