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#ACTUALLY MATTER TO YOU UNTIL IT MESSES WITH THE NATURAL BALANCE OF THINGS LIKE THE ORDER OF THE HOUSE
yzafre · 1 month
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Trying to wrap my head around my thoughts re: 2012 and Rise, and how they hit my brain, and it’s like...
The things I think these two series are missing/needed to improve on are what the other series did really well?  Like, each show would be enhanced by borrowing from the other (an impossibility in one direction due to the linear nature of time, but you get me).
And now I'm going to post about it to hopefully trick my brain into thinking I talked to someone about it so that maybe it'll let me think about anything else.
Uhhh putting a read more because this is mostly just a brain-dump ramble to free my mind from the topic-loop and it got.  Long.
Okay, exposing my biases ahead of time: while I very much enjoyed both series, I will admit that Rise appeals more to my personal taste.  I do also like 2012!  I liked it a lot, it’s just that, you know, I’m easily drawn in by cool 2d animation and anime bullshit, and also Rise’s humor matches mine better, which means it's the one I’m more likely to re-watch.  However, that doesn't mean I think Rise is perfect.
Also, for the sake of this rant, we’re going to be ignoring the circumstances surrounding production.  Yes, yes, we all know the executives specifically asked for Rise to have a much lighter tone, and that it got cut really short, and that affected how things panned out – but I don’t know enough about 12’s production to compare them fairly on that front.  So.
MOVING ON FROM THAT.
Let’s start with ROTTMNT.  I love Rise, love a good shenanigan, but... can you really deny that it would have been nice to have a more even split between pure shenanigans and more serious episodes?  Even just getting closer to 50/50?
Don’t get me wrong, the shenanigans absolutely have their place and actually contribute to what I like about Rise’s writing (which I will talk about in the 12 section), but the overwhelming amount of them really messes with the pace of the show overall, and with the escalation of tension.
Obviously, you can’t have every episode have the spectacle of an episode like, say Many Unhappy Returns, I'm pretty sure animating that shit's expensive, and early on it’s not like they really know what they’re slowly being dragged into, but... post Shadow of Evil, you’d kind of like them to acknowledge the stakes more, right?  And even before the turtles themselves know, you’d like the slow build that only the audience is getting to be a bit more consistent, right?
You’d like the weaving together of the plot and character arcs episode-to-episode to just be a bit more well-thought out... wouldn’t you?
And that is what TMNT 12 is good at.
I personally think 12 peaked in season 2 (I was so engaged with that season, the buildup was phenomenal), but throughout the entire series it is obvious just how much effort they are putting into developing these interweaving plots, and it pays off.  Every episode is a self-contained story, true, but even from season 1 you can see how even the most one-off episode is putting at least one thing into the Rube Goldberg machine that’s going to go off at the end of the season.  It honestly impressed me how they balanced “you can watch any episode on its own because tv has re-runs" and “every episode leads into the next until everything blows up”.
The end of season 2, when the tension they've been ratcheting up inch by inch nearly every episode finally releases, and all the dominoes start falling and danger is coming from every direction? Mwah. Stellar. Like, devastating cliff-hanger of an ending, but also the satisfaction of seeing it all fall apart? It's gripping.
Also, they acknowledge the stakes.  12 is obviously going for a much more serious tone, and covers some heavier topics like revenge, obsession, healing, ect (in a kind of surface level way for young kids, yes, but this is a nickelodeon toy-selling series.  Genre and intended audience matters).  I may not always agree with the answers they come to, but they are trying!  As opposed to Rise where the enemies feel... kind of out-of-sight, out-of-mind, in 12 the Shredder, and occasionally the Kraang, are a constant threat that they are always aware of.
While the setup is different (12!Shredder wants them dead specifically, whereas the Rise boys don’t really know what the Shredder will want other than mass destruction when the armor is complete), you kind of feel like the danger could have maybe been a little more acknowledged in Rise.
And like... the move into season 2 had them getting the Shredder armor "contained", which they used to go so far backwards on stakes which is... I mean, there were other choices they could have made.
You can argue that many shows reset the stakes when you beat the season boss at the end, but... Rise specifically went straight back to "straight shenanigans with little awareness of the outside world", repeating the "occasionally things are happening to build up to the end outside the turtle's awareness" and it's. It's a pacing and escalation, issue, again. And yes, we got some of my favorite episodes out of season 2! Season 2 had some good episodes! But also... I would have liked the stakes to progress just a bit?
When you finally had such a huge shift in the plot, and then suddenly you go ALL the way back down the where you started in stakes and tone it can be a bit... jarring. It's a pacing and escalation issue, again.
Also, if we’re going a bit more abstract, Rise could have had more serious episodes relating to their main theme/focus.
2012 was obviously focusing on their plot, and specifically the history between Splinter and Shredder, and the concepts of revenge and obsession.  And it came up a lot!  It was threaded through the majority of the episodes.  I might not always personally agree with the conclusions they came to, but I can’t deny they treated it with gravitas.
Rise seemed to be focusing on family bonds and family baggage.  And it's woven into a lot of the silliness. And there are also some episodes that address it seriously!  And they’re GOOD!  But, uh – there could definitely have been more.  Especially for the Splinter-children relationships.
They went with a very risky play for Splinter and his arc, and while I personally liked the shape of it, I can understand the people who take a very negative interpretation of this Splinter because there were not enough episodes dealing with reconciling his relationship with his kids.  They made a point to show that things were strained, made the theme family bonding, and then... didn’t put in enough episodes to finish off their main theme.
Don’t get me wrong, what Rise does have for their characters is very, very good.  Again, I’ll be talking about it in the 2012 section.  It’s just... the pacing of it all.
So, what I think Rise needed is what 2012 excelled at – pacing and interweaving of the plot, proper escalation of stakes, and time spent highlighting their main theme in more serious episodes.
Now, the other half of the equation: 2012.
I mentioned earlier that 2012 was going for a more serious tone, and that it was focused on the plot.  And they did it well!  It paid off!  I just maybe, personally, think that came at the cost of the character writing.
It’s not that it’s bad.  They’ve got a strong sense of character voice for their main cast.  It’s just that when you go anywhere beyond that it’s really... average for a kid's cartoon, and when compared to the obvious effort they went to when weaving together the plot it sticks out.  Of course, authors are allowed to lean into plot-based narrative over character-based, and this might just be personal taste again, but...
I’m going to put in a reminder that everything in this rant is based on how the writing hit my brain specifically.  Different people will experience the same story differently, yes?  Yes.
That being said, the character writing for 2012 hit me weird.  There were “character episodes” in between the plot ones, yes, but they didn’t feel... connected?  If the pacing of the plot in Rise felt weird and disjointed, the character arcs, if I could find them in 12, felt the same way.  It’s like they would drop in a really interesting nugget for a character into a single episode, and I’d be excited to see where it went – and then it would either be shoved way in the background from there on out, or dropped completely.  It often left me feeling like I’d missed a step going down the stairs, when I expected them to start working on a character arc and they just went back to the status quo.  That’s not uncommon for a kids show, but... they put so much more effort into the intricacies of the plot!
What ended up feeling missing was a development of the characters from an internal perspective.  That is, hm.
I mentioned earlier that there were narrative benefits to the shenanigan structure of Rise.  The first half of this is because it lives and dies by its characters.  They can’t depend on an engaging plot to capture your interest long-term, because the plot is only in select episodes, so by god you better be attached to these characters.  While part of the humor is, yes, the situations they get into, the other part is the character dynamics – both the friction between them, but also the positive synergy between them.  That’s not to say 2012 doesn’t have character interactions – they've got their banter – it's just that it doesn’t have to carry the episode the way it does in Rise.
The other half of the narrative benefits is that more episodes can be motivated by the character’s internal desires, rather than external forces.  Stepping outside of TMNT to reference everyone’s favorite cartoon, Avatar, for every, say, Avatar Roku, you’ve gotta have a The Waterbending Scroll.
2012 is largely driven by its plot – which is a good plot!  But what felt like, eh, 90% of the time?  Everything that’s happening is motivated by what the antagonists are doing – the Kraang/Purple Dragons/Foot are doing this bad thing, or coming after us, and we have to stop them, because we’re the good guys/they’ll kill us if we don’t.  Not bad, objectively, it certainly raises stakes!  But also, it doesn’t really let us in on, like, the character’s internal world or what they want.
With Rise’s shenanigans...
Origami Tsunami happens because the boys got a taste of fighting and want to chase that high.  Shell in a Cell happens because Raph loves wrestling, his brothers seem to like it well enough or otherwise want to hang out/humor him, and Leo is feeding his ego/fighting his insecurities.  Repo Mantis is because Donnie and Mikey were hanging out while Donnie collected resources(?), saw something they wanted, and went balls to the walls to acquire it.  The Purple Jacket happens because Donnie wanted to experience toxic academia and fashion.  I could go on.
My point is Rise leaves more space for the episodes to be internally motivated, and that ends up telling us a lot about their characters!  What did they want?  How did they specifically go about trying to get it?  Did they involve others?  Who did they involve?  It adds depth to them, even in the silly goofy show!
There is also one specific writing trick Rise uses which I wish could go back in time and be implemented into 2012, and that is: “line played for laughs in one episode” > “oh wait they were serious”.
I’m talking the “my first positive reinforcement from a parent-aged adult. EVER.” to Turtle-dega Nights pipeline.  Minotaur Maze to Many Unhappy Returns for Leo.  Arguably Pizza Puffs to the series finale for Raph, if you follow me.  Reparin’ the Baron to Hidden City’s Most Wanted.
Even in the jokes, the throw-away lines, Rise is exposing what makes the characters tick.  And then when it hits, it hits.  This is why, while the Rise arcs are kind of incomplete, the writing still feels more consistent to me and I find it easier to see the intended arc they were going for.
And I so so so wish 2012 had that kind of thing, or ANY more focus put on character development, because, not to harp on this again, but they’ll drop in this one really interesting line or action from a character in a single episode focusing on them, then never mention it again or develop on the concept, and it kind of makes me feral because, like -
I want to gather up all these weird little scraps they give about these characters and pin them up conspiracy-board style and go: why didn’t we get a plot line about this?  Or this?  Did you notice how a lot of the time Raph is pushing for more action against their enemies, he brings up that they’re out there hurting more people?  And that could indicate a unique empathy for the victims, which would have been an interesting expansion on the vengeance theme of the showing, looking at justice v vengeance when ti comes to people without the ability to fight back?  Leo has a lot of tension between wanting to be a good leader and wanting the freedom to make impulsive choices and chase what he wants, which is interesting when you also look at moments we see with his two role models the sci-fi hero (who is kind of an asshole) and Splinter (who, while wise, has baggage that sometimes affects his decisions), and it feels like somewhere between all that there could have been an expanded storyline that actually resolved that tension between responsibility and personal desire that would have lead to his own version of leadership?  What about getting a focus on the few lines Donnie gives about his insecurities/stress re: his scientific abilities/role, rather than dragging him into his extremely bland romantic b-plot?  Can we address the weird way Mikey did chemistry magic two or three times but it’s never brought up outside that, or that one line by the anger-persona in his mind explicitly saying he tries to repress his anger because he doesn’t like the way it feels, or, or -
Why do they keep dropping these really interesting inciting incidents for character arcs and then not going anywhere with them I am losing my mind I am shaking the writers why do you keep teasing me like this -
Ahem.
Additionally... well, I mentioned above that Rise has a main theme of family bonds, where... 2012 kind of struggled to convince me of any relationship. Or, no, that sounds harsher than what I really mean.
I also want to clarify that I am not saying I think they dislike or don't care about each other, or any of the extremely negative takes I’ve seen thrown at the 12 characters dynamics.  That’s not it at all.  It’s just that they all felt... very surface level?  Sometimes it felt like the show wanted you to just accept that the characters were close without putting in the work to really show it.  And definitely not to explore it in depth.  (And I know, I know, I know!  It’s a Nick kids show!  But!  They put so much effort into the plot!)
Again, I think this is affected by the lower usage of internal motivation for episodes.  Characters doing things because they want them, then seeing how those different desires interact, gives you a better view of their relationships than just seeing a team work together because they have a common enemy.
Again, it’s not that 2012 never does this.  We see glimpses of them playing around – competing to do flips when running the city, watching their tv shows, playing pinball (was it pinball? Or an arcade game?).  It’s just that the emphasis on the plot (not an objectively bad thing!) leaves less room for episodes based on them just... doing things together, because they want to.  And less room for engaging in personalized interests together, rather than separately, and seeing how that plays out.
I think I’m devolving into senseless rambling at this point, so to sum up:
2012’s emphasis on plot – which it generally excels at! – leaves less room for exploring stories based on internal motivations, which I find necessary for consistent character arcs or relationship development and are the elements Rise kind of lives on when its plot is running thin.
Hopefully none of this is taken as an attack on/dislike for either iteration.  I like them both!  It’s just they both drive me a little bit crazy with what could have been!
Of course, this is all down to personal taste and interpretation.  I am fairly aware of my biases, I think.  I am very much attracted to character-driven narratives, and even in plot-based ones I have a tendency to care more about the character implications than the plot itself.  There’s a reason Days (the oops all character writing game) is my favorite Kingdom Hearts story!
(I do, also, really, really like anime bullshit, so do with that what you will.)
I am also aware that I binge-watched this series as an adult years after it ended, and that combination of factors may affect my reception.  (Admittedly I did that for both series, but).  Your experience might be very, very different, but I’m trying to understand the way these two shows are hitting my brain.
Thinking it over also gives me a hypothesis (which other people have probably already figured out) of why certain people are drawn to one series of the other: 2012 probably appeals more to people who are engaged by continuous, interconnected plots and careful pacing in a story, while Rise probably appeals to people who are more engaged by pure character pieces (and anime bullshit).
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back-and-totheleft · 7 months
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Ten quotes
Filmmaker Oliver Stone visited the Alamo Drafthouse in Littleton on Sunday to introduce perhaps his best- and least-known films: Natural Born Killers (1994) and the largely forgotten U-Turn (1997), the latter starring Sean Penn, Jennifer Lopez, Nick Nolte, Jon Voight, Powers Boothe, Julie Hagerty (!), Claire Danes and Joaquin Phoenix. Based on a book and screenplay by John Ridley (Twelve Years a Slave), it’s about a man who is heading to Las Vegas to pay off a gambling debt until forced to stop at the broken-down desert town of Superior, Ariz.
Here are our 10 favorite things that came out of Stone’s mouth after the U-Turn screening, ranging from his thoughts on Will Ferrell as the epitome of all evil; to the shouting from Jennifer Lopez’s motel room while filming U-Turn; to the influence of the animated cat-and-mouse Tom and Jerry on his score; to the letter of recommendation he wrote for Claire Danes; to working with an insecure young actor named Donald Trump on Wall Street (“He doesn’t entertain failure”); to how our modern world has been driven to the brink of madness:
On Sean Penn: "Poor Sean. He put up with a lot. He was a replacement for Bill Paxton, who dropped out at the last second because he was freaked out by the role. Strange fellow. But Sean stepped in, and he helped us make the film – because it was really close to falling apart."
On Jennifer Lopez: "She was married at the time to a young Cuban, and the walls of that Arizona motel … man, talk about Latin temperament. There was a lot of banging and screaming. People would say, ‘I need sleep, so I can’t stay in the room next to Jennifer Lopez.’ Meanwhile, Sean Penn has got his eye on her, too, so there was this whole crazy jealousy thing going on. But Jennifer came to see me years later, after she had become J.Lo. She was another person completely now. It was after her third marriage or something. She said to me, ‘I want to go back. I want to make that kind of movie again. I just want to get real like that.’ Because she had been doing all that glittery stuff."
On whistle-blower Edward Snowden, the subject of his upcoming film, Snowden: "I am really not at liberty to say too much. Put it this way: He’s smart, he’s articulate, he cares very much, and it doesn’t matter that he’s in Russia. He could be anywhere in the world. He’s still connected by the Internet. This is a man who spends possibly 70 percent of his time on a computer. He keeps his contacts up. He participates in forums and discussions and lectures. And he is working very seriously on a constitution for the Internet, which we really need. Many, many people admire him. I find him in good spirits. I didn’t see any sign of depression. He has broadened his sense of humor. I showed him the film a couple of weeks ago (Snowden), and he responded very well."
On the current presidential race: "I am scared. But I don’t think the Republicans are the issue. Everyone wants to be stronger and stronger in terms of dealing with the world, but that’s not the right way to go about it. I believe in an international balance of power. I am concerned that Hillary Clinton is embraced by the neo-conservatives, or the liberal interventionists as I call them, because her policies, and Obama’s policies, and Bush’s policies have driven us to the edge of madness. We have created a mess in the Middle East with four interventions. Also Afghanistan and Libya. We are not effective as a military force abroad. We don’t need 800 military bases. We have to change our way of thinking. Sanders gets it, to some degree. And Trump, in his own way, actually gets it, too. He’s the only Republican who has come out and said outright: ‘Hey, that Iraq war was a stupid (bleeping) thing to do.’ And all these Republicans are shocked. The establishment is shocked. ‘How can you say that Mr. Bush screwed up?’ I mean, come on. It’s about time we wake up in this country. Let’s get real."
Working with Donald Trump in Wall Street: "He’s a smart dude. He’s funny. And yet, he’s an egomaniac and a narcissist, as you can see. I’ll never forget this: He jumped up after Take 1 of his scene with Michael Douglas and said, ‘How was I? I was great, wasn’t I?’ I said, ‘Donald, it was good, but I think you can do better.’ I got him to do nine or 10 takes, and he would jump up after every one and say the same thing. ‘How was I?’ He doesn’t entertain failure."
On U-Turn actors Joaquin Phoenix and Claire Danes: "They really did a turn in this film. This was before they became really famous. They were both such fun. It was a delight. Sean Penn’s character says, “Is everybody in this town on drugs?” And that’s the overall feeling of the movie. You have to be free and you can’t care. Claire was not hot at that point. She had done Romeo and Juliet with Leonardo DiCaprio, and he took off from that movie. She … less so. So by the time U-Turn came along, she was happy to grab it. She was going back to Yale at that point, and she wanted me to write her a letter of recommendation. I had flunked out of Yale, but I wrote it anyway. She always thanked me for that. She is a wonderful actress."
On who he looks up to: "It would be easier for you to give me a list with everyone on it and I could tell you who to take off. Most of the people would stay on it. Stanley Kubrick was a big deal for me when I was young. So was Federico Fellini. So was Jean-Luc Godard and Luis Buñuel. In my generation: Francis Ford Coppola, of course. Martin Scorsese. William Friedkin. In this generation: Alejandro Iñárritu has done a tremendous job. Birdman is an interesting philosophical story. So is The Revenant. He’s got talent. A lot of other people do, too. I think this Adam McKay, who did The Big Short, is very smart. He’s very good with dialogue, too."
On the Foley cartoon sounds in U-Turn: "The music was by Ennio Morricone, and he has a beautiful history. He not only some wrote Sergio Leone classics but also 1900, which I think is one of the most beautiful scores ever written. He’s written for so many people. I wanted him to do two things for me: One was this love theme, which I thought was tremendous. But the rest of it – he didn’t do it right. And he is not the easiest guy to get along with, if you talk to most people. He knew the game: His contract said he would never come back to the United States. So there would be no rewrites. When he delivered the score, the love theme was there. But the rest was not what I wanted. So I had to bring him back, and he was really (bleeped) off. That was a rough three days. I was trying to make him understand what I wanted, because I can’t put it into musical terms. I can only express it. I wanted the music he had done for Leone, only modernized with those reverbs and those exaggerated sounds. I call it kind of a cartoon sound. That booinnnng sound. He just didn’t seem to get it. I was desperate, so I showed him a cartoon of Tom and Jerry. I said, ‘That’s sort of what I want.’ He was so upset. He said: “You want me to write cartoon music? You brought me back to America for this?” He gave me what I wanted on a second pass, thank God. He’s still a (bleep) but … I am glad to see he got an Oscar. Not for his best music (The Hateful Eight). Probably his worst score, in fact. But he I am glad to see he got an Oscar."
On Oliver Stone’s movie recommendations: "You might boo me for this, but I was laughing my head off when I saw Zoolander 2. The critics all turned on it, They said it was dreck. But it’s very witty. Very well-written. And Will Ferrell has never been better as the incarnation of all evil. I say this seriously: You see evil in my movies, but when you see this movie, you will see evil. The way evil has become in the modern world."
Advice to a first-time filmmaker: "Get a good night’s sleep. That’s very important. Stay healthy. Eat well. It’s exhausting. I find directing is like being the host of a giant party. You are trying to put through your vision of a film, if you have one, and you are going to find there are a lot of impediments to that. It takes inner grit."
-Oliver Stone in Denver: Ten awesome quotes, Denver Center for the Performing Arts, March 7 2026
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onlineproblems · 1 year
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time for journal entry of the month # 2
first of all i think i would like to be more consciously grateful of things that are actually quite good. like yeah yeah the world sucks and everything is on fire but on a personal level i'm actually quite lucky. i'm fairly rested, i'm more physically able than i've been in probably my entire life, i can afford food i really like, i get to talk to friends on a regular basis, and i live in a town with avenues for me to experience nature regularly. i've been trying new things like going to these local shows, i'm learning a lot in my classes (another opportunity i'm lucky to have), my mentors are awesome, and i have free time thanks to my (usually) low-key job. yeah it doesn't pay much but i'm fortunate to be married and not worried about paying bills alone.
and i have a tiny beast who lives with me.
that's a lot to be grateful for and that doesn't even cover it all. just in general i'm really happy to be at this point in my life, no matter how much incidental stress i'm experiencing -- it's nothing compared to where i was last year or really any time in my life before this. sometimes i feel kind of guilty that i have it so good, since a lot of it happened by chance/circumstance, and so many people i know are struggling. but it's not like my guilt can solve anything.
i think there's still some big strides i need to make, especially since i tend to be avoidant of conflict and stress and although i might feel good right now, if i'm letting something simmer on the backburner until it explodes, that's gonna cause bigger problems later on. it's easy to pretend nothing's wrong but it's not so easy to clean up the mess after my avoidance causes it all to escalate.
right now i think one of my fundamental struggles is between enjoying the present but balancing it with being respnsible. I could be entirely hedonistic on one extreme, or throw myself into working for some ambiguous future vacation that never comes. I do still believe i'm recovering from burnout from my last job, but it gets harder and harder to contemplate going back to a "real" job the more time goes by.
i also have to consider whether i want to continue pushing onwards toward the goal of getting my 'dream' job (or rather, landing an entry level/foot-in-the-door job in my chosen career path) or settle for any old job to hold me over until i can land that so-called dream job. i've been employed since september but this contract won't be permanent, and when it's over i have to consider the gap on my resume. i also can't say i was taking classes anymore after august, since my program ends then.
none of that is very fun to think about, so things i do wanna do and look forward to: going to see belushi speedball live!! writing and collaborating with friends. working on my novel. reading excellent books. going to the ballet, and watching my friend perform in the spring show. keeping up my gym habit. visiting NZ. visiting the west coast. maybe getting back into skating? doing the Nov 5k. spending some dedicated time learning German. sewing my LOTR cosplay.
i'm not wasting my time or my life, i'm having rich experiences that are so much more meaningful than a resume. money is essential to survive but there is more to living than that.
most of all i'm exceedingly grateful for the people in my life who are so so kind to me, even in the smallest of ways -- because it is not small to me. whether you are my friend on tumblr or in real life, i love you. and you probably didn't read all this lmao but if you did wow i REALLY love you.
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idiacide · 2 years
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Info for 🌻!
Appearance: Female, 5’6” / 167 cm, very long curly brown hair! very soft, very bouncy, very thick, like a sheep!, skinny as a stick and physically weak, have a baby face and I hate it so much…don't know if any of this matters or helps but!
Personality: (idk if you like zodiac or if it helps you at all either, but i’m a Gemini Sun, Aquarius Moon, Virgo Rising!)
I’m generally a very quiet and reserved person, especially during first impressions! I’m kind of a shy and anxious lurking shadow who assumes the worst until I get a good enough feel of a person, you know? Then I'm comfortable popping in!
I tend to gravitate towards being "Designated Mom Friend" or "Big Sister Friend?" I love being able to make others feel better about themselves or to help them out. Maybe it’s because of some rough stuff in my past, but I never want anyone to feel similar to the ways I have. If you hurt someone I care about, I am never going like you. But if you hurt me? Eh…it’s not really new, I’m kind of…soft? I cry very easily, be it happy or sad, and it frustrates me! I’m not a soft and squishy person! …okay yes I am but I’m also trying super hard to be the shoulder people can lean on if they need me! Growing a backbone is a work in progress, and sometimes I worry I come off too harsh or mean when I actually use it… A friend once described me like glass; it’s fragile, but a broken piece can still really mess you up, you know? Glass-ness aside, my sense of humor is honestly very dry and sarcastic and you probably wouldn’t expect it out of me! I can get kind of angry over petty things and sort of clingy, but I’ll be fine after some time to let it all pass.
I like playing videogames, drawing and writing, and reading tarot cards! I like doing things alone, really, but I love the company of others when they want me to join in. Because it does indeed get lonely being alone sometimes!
I have some really gross depression bouts and lots of anxiety disorders that I do my best to juggle, but, sometimes I just have to shut down for a bit and…sleep.
VERY PICKY THINGS! Preferably no Staff or Diasomnia thank you-
Is this enough to work with? Hopefully so, thanks again!
Paid matchup number two baby!! Ill continue plugging at these over the next two days since I'm finally back home
I match you with Kalim Al-Asim!
-Zodiac wise, your Aquarius moon is definitely a draw to his sense of dramatics. At the same time, your Virgo rising’s tendency to stay strong and organized, as well as your Gemini’s suns quick wit are an excellent counterbalance to his frequent airheadedness. Kalim doesn’t expect you to take care of him, obviously. But the fact that you’re strong in areas where he typically isn’t is something he finds almost immediately intriguing.
-He definitely doesn’t struggle with shyness, and yet he can often mix surprisingly well with reserved types. Kalim is very disarming socially and has a way of breaking down reservations (even if he can go overboard from time to time). He may not share your anxieties, but he never belittles them or writes them off, and is happy to give you the time you need to get the feel of a person. Your insight can definitely help to balance out his more trusting nature from time to time.
-As I said, Kalim doesn’t expect you to mother him every second of your life. Like you, he’s a big sibling (literally, as well as figuratively), and he loves that you have a shared value of looking out for people in your life. Both of you can help each other get better about learning to draw boundaries for yourself (though he’ll always be a little more prone to forgive than you).
-Kalim is a little bit of a crybaby about your emotions, but the side effect of this is that it’s harder for you to try and brush past them. He knows when you’re starting to break down, and he wants to help! You shouldn’t have to swallow all of it back, you’re just as important as the people you’re trying so hard to take care of! At times, this may manifest in him going overboard, but he’s always quick to take feedback and adjust his strategies depending on your reaction. If you need to be alone and sleep it off, he’ll get you the best room in the dorm. If you need a shoulder to cry on, he’s got a lap to sit in. Whatever you need, he wants to be the person who you can always trust to provide it. Even if that sometimes means that you need to be left alone.
-Kalim’s not particularly sarcastic on his own but growing up with Jamil means he’s got a surprisingly high tolerance for it. He can even find your comments and barbs quite funny. More than that, though, he’s extremely hard to offend and patient when you get sharp. After all, you’re patient with so many people all the time. You more than deserve a little patience of your own. He knows that even if sometimes you go too far, this is another important step in your recovery, and he applauds your growth.
-I see Kalim as the type to get really enthusiastic about whatever his s/o is into, even if he’s not super informed on the topic. Additionally, he always takes the time to invite you into any activity that he’s involved in. You don’t always have to come! He knows he values your alone time when you can get it. But no matter what, you’re going to feel included whenever you want. 
And now, the meetcute.
The library was almost never quiet. You knew that, and still, you’d come here. At the very least it was the only place where people might leave you alone, something you really needed right now.
No such luck. A chattering group of students you knew by the colors were from Scarabia had swooped in on the table next to you seconds after you sat down. There was no way to move without it looking rude. You’d prayed that maybe they would finish up whatever they were doing and move on. Despite the textbooks they clearly had no interest in actually studying, maybe they’d get bored.
Again, though, your luck was clearly out.
So here you were. Nose tucked in the largest book you could find. Quietly seething as they continued to talk and talk and trying not to sniffle audibly.
This was so stupid. One dumb argument with Grim and here you were crying like a child! It wasn’t even as if he’d done anything particularly wrong, you’d just had such a long and frustrating day, and his bravado had done its usual work of irritating you...
You’d gone to the library hoping to calm down before you could go back and apologize. But without the privacy you were expecting, you hadn’t been able to calm down. Your irritation and annoyance with yourself had just channeled into your fury with the neighboring table.
Worst of all was that scatterbrained guy in the white sweater. Kalim, you think Trey had called him? Was this guy really a housewarden? From his conversation you’d never have guessed, the guy seemed completely oblivious.
“No way!!! You’re saying sea snakes can’t actually swim on top of the water?!”
“Well,I think there’s like, one species who can?” One of the first years was saying. “But no, most of them stay under the water.”
“Aw, man!” Kalim sighs heavily. “I’m such a moron, I totally bought it when Floyd told me. I was all excited to see if a basilisk could cross an ocean too...”
“Shit.” One of them said. "Its getting late, Jamil will have dinner ready soon.”
Thank god. You listen to them pack up with a sense of relief, letting out a heavy breath. Just a few minutes and then you could finish your breakdown in peace.....Footsteps slowly retreated into the hallway, and you reached up to finally wipe at your eyes when you felt a tap on your shoulder.
“Hey, sorry if we were too loud! I didn’t notice you were here until-....are you ok?!”
Your head snaps around to see Kalim, eyes full of concern as he stands at your shoulder. Evidently your face was still red and teary. Goddamnit, and the worst of it is that the embarrassment of being caught makes your face want to crumple up again. You turn away quick, hands shooting up to cover your face like he might forget. “I’m fine!” You say, but your voice wobbles unconvincingly.
“You’re crying!” Kalim insists, pulling out a chair next to you and sitting down. You barely bite back a frustrated groan, not NOW, not when you’re like this! He hovers one hand tentatively over your shoulder, not quite touching you and yet you can feel the warmth of him nonetheless. “Can I do anything? Get you anything? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing!!!” You insist, hands falling away from your face in frustration. “Just-”
You stop.
The way he looks at you.....he means it. The concern is overwhelmingly sincere, impossibly so. He wants to help. Despite your humiliation and irritation....yelling at him over it doesn’t feel good. Not when he so badly wants to help.
“....I’m fine.” You try again after a deep breath. You wipe at your eyes, trying to force yourself calmer. “I’m fine, I just...I had an argument. With m-my roommate. And I....I came up here to calm down, but-”
Kalim smacks his forehead with the heel of his hand. “But me and my friends interrupted that. I’m so sorry, that must’ve been frustrating.” He opens his eyes again, giving you a warm, apologetic smile. You didn’t think red eyes could look that gentle. “Can I ask what the fight was about? I know I feel awful when I argue with Jamil, it might help to tell someone about it.” 
You shake your head, wiping harder to clear the tears. Please, please just calm down. “I’m just being a crybaby, I’ll be ok in a second. I was just...frustrated. And being selfish.”
“Selfish?” His white brows knit together a little. “Selfish how.”
“Grim was...he didn’t know I was having a bad day. But he blew up the kitchen, and there was a mess everywhere. He tried to blame it on the ghosts but obviously its his fire magic so how was I-...” You cut yourself off, shaking your head. “I shouldn’t have yelled at him like that, he doesn’t know any better and it really wasn’t such a big mess. I could’ve just asked him to help clean it up...”
You feel silly even saying it out loud. My cat made a mess was hardly have a public meltdown in a library material. But that knitted brow look doesn’t fade from Kalim, and he bites his lip like he’s considering.
“Well....it sounds like it was an accident.” He says after a second, voice bright. “But still, it can’t be much fun to have to clean up after others after having a hard day. I’m sure your friend will understand that too. So you shouldn’t feel bad about being upset over it!”
“.....Thank you.” You say carefully. Some part of you means it, eats up the validation like crumbs. At least he was being relaxed about it though. “But its still not good to yell. At him. Or...at you.” You say sheepishly.
Kalim just laughs. “Don’t worry about it. Jamil says I talk too much, its only natural it’d get me into trouble sometimes....Oh!” He snaps, eyes lighting up. “Do you want help cleaning up the kitchen? I’m not very good at it, but with two people it should go much faster. That way you can go back to relaxing and try to take the edge off your day.”
“Uh-”
“C’mon! You live in Ramshackle, right?” He takes your hand before you can protest, pulling you from the chair and tugging him along insistently after him. “I bet we can have it done in 15 minutes, which’ll give you plenty of time to eat afterwards too!”
You do manage to stumble out some protests, but its like it just all bounces off after him. In the end you just decide to let him follow you home, hoping the size of the mess will deter him. He’s right, in the end, you really should take care of it, since it’ll just hover over you.
Grim’s a little sniffly himself when you get back, and you barely get three words into an apology before he throws himself into your arms, wailing about how he’ll never use magic again. Its a little overwhelming, but...kinda cute, nonetheless. 
You show Kalim where the cleaning chemicals are and the two of you get to work. He’s not wrong that he’s pretty bad at this, endlessly distractable and clearly unused to the implements. Still, in the end, ash is ash, and you manage to clean it up much faster between the two of you. Kalim chatters the whole time, asking you questions about yourself, your time at NRC, your hobbies, and the dorm. It should be frustrating, and maybe it is a little much at times. But....its kind of nice to be asked, especially when he seems to so sincerely want to know the answers.
In the end, he decides to get you dinner too, insisting that you lie down on the couch and relax while he runs down to the dining hall. You feel vaguely like you were hit by a friendly tornado, and the whole house now smells like cleaning products.
Still. As Grim hops in your arms and you settle back in to let the fatigue of the day slide off of you.You find your mind drifting back to warm red eyes and a genuine smile as bright as the sun
Maybe there really was something to this whole “comfort” business.
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abiik · 4 years
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.
#h talks.#me: stays up all night with the homie talking about ocs#me: finally accidentally passes out at like 8#my mom: [banging pots together] TIME TO /FUCKING/ WAKE UP#two hours#i guess this is my fault#but also there was no chance of me being able to fall asleep last night in the first place so like ..... bc i was feeling really sick#but now i feel even worse#and i cannot eXPLAIN TO HER yes i didnt sleep last night & heres why u should let me sleep for a few more hours#bc it is Not about Me#it was never about Me#it is about Her#when it all comes down to it my problems [sHWOOP] sorry bout that sorry i even bothered ill just u know :) ill be over here just :) im fine#i would hvae stayed up anyway bc i wasnt feeling well & i havent been able to figure out what's wrong#and like i was just telling her what was wrong and she was like 'ugh i cant do this anymore' and its like#OKAY OKAY I SEE YES GOT IT!!!!!!! OKAY I KNOW I HAVE K N O W N HOW INSIGNIFICANT MY ISSUES HAVE BEEN#SINCE THE /MOMENT/ THE TWINS WERE BORN OKAY!!!!! IVE KNOWN I KNOOOOWW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I INWOOOOOOWOWOOWOEOWOE I KNOW HOW I MUCH#MY ISSUES AND FEELINGS AND PROBLEMS AND WHATEVER ACTUALLY MAKES ME A REAL LIFE HUMAN BEING DOESNT#ACTUALLY MATTER TO YOU UNTIL IT MESSES WITH THE NATURAL BALANCE OF THINGS LIKE THE ORDER OF THE HOUSE#but DONT YOU WORRY!!!! DONT YOU WORRY!!!!! I WONT LET THAT HAPPEN!!!!!! THAT'S OKAY!!!!!#YOU'RE PERSONAL DUMP WILL BE FINE ILL BE FINE IT'S OKAY ILL BE FINE :) I WILL BE MHM#i will figure it out on my own in the next few days as you practically ignore me and isolate me#and when u decide to suddenly bombard me again with all of the nonexistent family drama once the isolation period is over#let us hope that i am able to function without feeling like im about to keel over :)#negative /#sorry it is.....a bad morning#v grumpy atm and upset#woke up from my 'nap' pissed off bc those were the first words spoken to me today#& as i have been doing a recent trip down memory lane if u couldnt tell from my hair getting stuck in drills + vacuums + rc helicopters#+ the one about sticking a key in a light socket
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snappleapple · 3 years
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their favorite types of kisses
people in this - dream, georgenotfound, sapnap, wilbur, punz, jschlatt, awesamdude, quackity
headcanon!
the most disgusting fluff i’ve ever written
warning - cursing, i think that’s all but if there is more please do not hesitate to tell me :)
word count - 2k
a/n: okay okay, i might’ve lied earlier about that being my last post but this was short and easy to make which is why i would like to feed my readers this early haha. anyways, enjoy and please disregard the errors in this post, i hate proof reading anything lol. also, i’ve been very indecisive on the title and i might change it later and ooh, my masterlist will be made soon. i’ve just been feeling very unproductive these days. also, please put in requests, i am so bored and dumb therefore there are no ideas in this brain. and if you’d like a part 2, i might add more people for the part 2!anyways, peace!
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dream -
i get the feeling that dream’s favorite type of kisses would be cheek kisses
he just likes to watch as you struggle to reach his height
“aw look at those little legs do their thing.”
ends up with you not giving him his kiss
and mans becomes SO pouty
“y/n…come on. don’t be this way.” :(
if you don’t kiss him on the cheek, will also become SO clingy and whiny
“why won’t you KISS ME!”
clenches his fists and stomps away like a teenage girl during puberty
slamming the door to your room
so then you have to go and give him all the kisses he wants
his face is slammed into your pillow
you sit on the side of the bed and pet his hair
leading him to stare up at you with puppy dog eyes
“i will give you all the kisses you want. so stop being so pouty, you big baby.”
will literally leave zero feet of space between you and him
taps his cheek to tell you he wants kisses
when you go on dates, will literally make you stand on your tippy toes to get his kisses
does not bend down at all and actually lifts his head higher to tease you
in other words, clingy but rude hoe
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george -
george is a classic romantic
he loves just lip kisses
pecks or lingering ones
he doesn’t care
mans don’t need too many kisses
nor does he need to be too clingy
total opposite of dream and sapnap *ahem clingy ahem*
if he wants a kiss,
he will come over to you and get it
doesn’t get pouty if you’re busy
just waits patiently
doesn’t enjoy it when you interrupt him when he’s streaming so you do your own thing
when you’re watching a movie with him,
he will literally only stare at you with his cute smile
and listen to your every criticism of the movie
he likes to just peck your lips whenever he feels like it
and you’re just not surprised anymore
just likes to stare at your lips whenever you talk
overall, is very sweet but not to an extent with showing affection
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sapnap -
omg
sapnap just vibes with neck kisses
it tickles his neck and he loves them
giggles when you pepper kisses along his neck and flushes a deep red
“y/n. stop.” giggles between each word
but when you do, becomes the saddest person in the whole world
“i was joking.” :(
when he’s streaming and he begins to miss you
would leave his room and find you just to get a kiss
just like dream, would get angry if you give him no kisses
“GIVE ME KISSIES!”
very amusing for you
and you love to tease him
“i don’t want to give you kissies.”
continues to stare at you with a large frown until you give in and give him kissies
lsg supremacy but i’ll get into this later hehe
you better give him kisses or you’ll be dealing with a very sad sapnap
sadnap :(
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wilbur -
wilbur, wilbur, wilbur
what can i even say
total nose kiss guy
i bet he’ll boop your nose twenty four seven
asks stupid questions just to get your attention
“y/n?”
“yes wilbur?”
“is a hotdog a sandwich?”
“why-“
“boop.”
“did you just say boop while you booped my nose?”
if he’s streaming and you bring him a snack
he will hold your face still and leave kisses on your nose
not too clingy but not too distant
likes to be just right with you
if its snowy outside and your noses get red
makes dumb jokes about he is rudolph and you’re mrs. rudolph
just a lot of smooches from wilby
takes you to a lot of hidden cafes in the city
and while you read, he balances his head on his palm, staring at you in admiration
if you’re insecure about your nose, you legit can’t be around wilbur because he will go on a tangent about how beautiful it is
substantially, soft boy hours all day bro, besides when he gets mad then you leave the hormonal man tf alone
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punz -
i don’t see a lot of punz on tumblr so here we go
punz loves hand kisses
not to an extent where he has a hand fetish
god no but just like
when your holding hands, he’ll occasionally pull your hand up to his lips and leave a kiss
lots of hand holding
and i mean lots
constantly gets mad fun of for being a simp but ignores those comments because he genuinely loves you so much
likes it when you play with his hair and messing it up
also likes to compare hand sizes with you
always has a hand on your thigh or your hand in his whenever he is driving somewhere with you
even when you go on dates, always holding hands
no matter how sweaty your hand gets, he will hold on
sometimes if he holds on for too long, you have to tell him to let go
“punz, my hand is super sweaty. lets take a break from the hand holding.”
would flat out decline so you would have to pry your hand out of his
he would also love it when you would kiss his hand
makes him feel all polite and precious LOL
would also wrap his pinky along yours when you walk together
he once came with you to a family gathering for christmas and was so SHY
shy boy held your hand for security while your younger siblings made fun of you
afterwards, when you were under a mistletoe, he kisses you on the lips before kissing you on his favorite part of your body,
your hand
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c!jschlatt -
jschlatt is a whole mess
the first time you met, he confessed that he would hate you for as long as you lived because you made fun of his boots
now he says he still strongly dislikes you but you’re more tolerable
doesn’t like it when you make him soft and HATES it when he blushes
“why must you do this to me, mother nature?”
also “hates” it when you even touch him because he “hates” you
when he actually confessed to you that he liked you with his grumpy usual grandpa voice,
you kissed him on his forehead, after he bent down of course
he is an actual giant and threatens to squash you like an ant if he feels the need to
is an absolute monster to you but loves it when you kiss his forehead because it makes him feel secure and loved
likes to watch the wind blow through your hair and mess it up but gives you his hat because he like you being “all pretty and shit”
gets SUPER jealous when you hug children
like for example, when you went over to a family gathering at his house, his cousins came up to hug you
and when you let go of the child, the man child comes and lugs you over his shoulder
gets yelled at by his mom and gives her a sheepish smile before rolling his eyes and throwing you down on the sofa set next to him
his mom doesn’t approve of the way he treats you but you tell her its fine because he’s cute
when you are far from any type of civilization or in the safety and solitude of your own home, he wants kisses on the forehead
pointing up to it and bending down so you could reach it
“y/n, i only love you because of your forehead kisses.”
“you only love me for my kisses?” :(
“mhm.”
actually feels slightly bad
“and because of your personality.”
“thank you-“
“shut up. we don’t talk about this.”
in conclusion, give him his forehead kisses or perish
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awesamdude -
sam just adores it when you give him jawline kisses
not because it’s basically the only place you could reach but because it’s a sweet gesture
sam is all about sweetness
i mean have you even seen this man on his stream
he likes to watch you while you have conversations with your friends
not in a creepy way but more like an adoring way
cause man does he love you
i mean not only does he love you but his whole family does
and when you’re alone with sam, you love to bury him underneath all of your love
“i love you sam!”
“no i love you more y/n!”
“NO i LOVE you more!”
“NO i LOVE you MORE!”
“SAM NO. I LOVE YOU MORE!”
“okay thank you sweet pea.”
leaving you a bit confused but happy that he accepts your love
when you cuddle, omg
he never stops peppering kisses all over your face and vice versa because your relationship is disgustingly fluffy
when he lends you one of his sweatshirts, you sure as hell better wear that shit out or else (i am leaving a blank threat here)
sam loves technology but you guys sort of have a system
a system that involves mailing each other love letters rather than texting them
you guys also go on a ton of walks just about anywhere
hand holding is mandatory even though you probably look like a child compared to him
just give sam lots of love and in return, you’ll receive lots of love
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quackity -
mans cannot leave you tf alone
likes to do ANYTHING freaky around you
“i will follow you to the ends of the earth, mi amor.” or
“ayy, back off.” if anyone gets too close to you
messes with you twenty four seven and makes it his job to drive you insane
plays horror games at two in the morning for fun
and when he gets scared, hides in the safety of your arms
“mi amor. i’m scared.”
“shut the fuck up and sleep, alex.”
“okay.” shuts up quickly and snuggles deeper into the crook of your neck
loves you so deeply but HATES your cat
“look at that little dumb thing stare at me. you got a problem bro?”
your cat also HATES alex
scratches him all the time and hisses at him
if you think sapnap is babie, wait till you meet alex
“y/n he bit me!”
when you glance down, you don’t even see a scratch
“kiss my boo boo.”
wtf
“what boo boo? there’s nothing there.”
gasps as if you offended him
“this boo boo that your el demonio did to me.”
this man will do anything to get boo boo kisses
istg, you once found him provoking your cat to get some scratches
in alex’s mind, ouchies = kisses from y/n
always has ouchies from god knows where and shows it to you
even though you find it annoying at first, you grow used to it and it sorta becomes your thing with alex
alex is babie and you need to take good care of him :)
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kindestegg · 3 years
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Deltarune Theory: Ralsei is a guide for the script
It feels crazy that Deltarune Chapter 2 has only been out for like, what, two weeks? As of the time I’m writing this, and yet, there has already been so much secret hunting and speculation over this. Not even the full game, and people already go crazy over it. Naturally, I am part of this craze. In fact I was one of the people that played it as soon as it dropped.
And, I thought it was only me, but, at least for a little while, Ralsei’s behavior struck me as… odd. Not outwardly malicious, but just… odd. Particularly the first bit of the game, it was just so… happy and convenient? And Ralsei was at the center of it all, orchestrating it, making sure everything happened accordingly.
Eventually, that initial feeling of distrust went away, but… not quite. And it seems a lot of people began to feel the same way, pointing out bits about Ralsei that are just… out of place. Things that didn’t seem to stand out in the first chapter, are now popping out about him.
Questions include:
How does he know about what’s outside the Dark World, about the school?
How does he know about the game mechanics and call them out by names?
Why is he so interested in keeping the balance between only Kris acting and him and Susie doing magic?
Why does he seem so eager to dismiss what happened with Spamton NEO?
Why doesn’t he turn into stone or even get weak at any point during the time he spends in Cyber World?
Are the parts of his name and design connecting to the Dreemurr’s intentional, and if so, what does that mean for his relation to Kris?
How and why does he take player control away to look at what Susie is doing? Why must he wait until Kris is willing to do it? What does he tell them when he succeeds in this?
Now, I don’t intend to pose here “a supreme theory to rule them all”, I’m just a guy having fun and I’ve seen people voice particularly similar ideas to this one I’ve had, so I want to at least try to answer these questions through a relatively simple idea that would, almost entirely, immediately answer ALMOST all the doubts.
First, let’s start with some steps to build up this idea. For one, we know for a fact that Ralsei holds knowledge over game mechanics and may even break the fourth wall at times.
But we also know that Ralsei’s design resembles a lot of characters from Undertale we know and were fond of. For one, he can be likened to Toriel in the sense that he is the one to give you the first tutorial of the game and his clothes resemble her original outfit as well. Another connection, much more common, that people have made is that he is like Asriel, no doubt due to his name being an anagram, but also due to the fact he is also a cute young goat.
I would like to do a complete turn around here though, and say I do not think any of this points to Ralsei being related to Kris in the familial sense, for more than one reason, but my main one being that I don’t think Toby would be as frankly disgusting as to imply such a thing when there is so so much teasing in the direction of Ralsei possibly having a crush on Kris. I mean… really, Toby?
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You know, I’m not too sure this would be the smartest idea, Mr. Fox, but alright.
However, I do think all these hints in his design and name have a purpose. And it has to do with how us, the fandom, see these two characters. For one, they are very beloved characters, and Toriel is one that we associate with her tutorials and guidance, whereas Asriel is one that people have yearned to see more in action. They are back, in a sense, but not present in our adventures so far.
What I’m getting at is that Ralsei is specifically designed to be the darling of the fandom. He is made to be loved, to be trusted, to cause feelings in us that make us want to protect him and accept his advice. This, in a way, also affects the in-universe characters who see him, as Susie put it: “as a big portable teddy bear”, whose job is “giving hugs”.
And I don’t just mean this in a character design way, like “oh wow Toby was so smart to make a perfectly marketable boy!” No. I think Ralsei exists as a meta element, his form being a direct manifestation of what we want to see.
He looks like that because he wants us to see him and lower our guard and expect his guidance. Remember how his form was shadowy and vague throughout all of chapter 1 until the very end of it and how he poofs into nothing but a pile of clothes in both chapters so far, no matter what form he’s in? What if he’s a shapeshifter? What if Ralsei isn’t even his real name? That certainly would explain why he says he doesn’t know what being Ralsei-like is like.
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Ralsei? Ralsei? Oh God he’s gone.
Now, do I think he’s lowering our guard in the sense of leaving us vulnerable for an attack? Not exactly. I think it's so we learn to accept him…
Accept that he is a GUIDE for the game’s script. His entire existence hinges on guiding the main characters, specially Kris, throughout the story, and making sure the whole story, all seven chapters, play out exactly as planned.
You see, Ralsei isn’t evil. His goal is pretty simple, actually: guide us, the player, throughout the game, making us feel as safe and happy and secure. In that sense, of course he pushes so hard towards the pacifist route. After all, that’s the one that’s closer to a completionist route, as the sparing + recruiting mechanic adds more characters to your town, and therefore more content. He wants you to see all this content and get the most enjoyment out of it. His code urges him to bring you the best experience possible.
This would also answer why he does that thing with taking our control away from Kris and to watch Susie’s shenanigans. Because it’s satisfying to us. Notice how stressed out and pushy he gets in the alternate route when Susie comes out of Noelle’s room without being able to let us see what happened. He knows he messed up, something went wrong. He was supposed to let us see, so that we wouldn’t be bored, because God forbid the players be bored.
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Just imagine this going through his head.
He also seems to genuinely care about Kris and Susie, and with good reason, as he knows these are the protagonists, and he is supposed to care for their well being too and ensure they reach their goal. I do think, however, there is a good amount of being genuine in his care, as he has no reason to react so boldly sometimes to either of them, showing outrage or affection in pretty telling ways. He isn’t heartless despite carrying out this job.
However it is also worth noting, for all his care, he cannot do the one thing that Kris would desire the most: free them from our grasp. And that is his ultimate failure towards them, and may end up creating conflict later on in the game.
From, here, there are two possible pathways:
Ralsei does not know about the dilemma Kris is going through, and believes Kris is entirely oblivious and passive towards being in a video game. He may even end up being the final boss to fight, as he desperately tries to keep everything on rails while Kris very much does not care for any of that.
Ralsei is entirely aware of what’s going on with Kris, after all, everything in a game’s design is planned, even the cutscenes, therefore even Kris’ struggles. Ralsei knows of the fate that lies ahead, that Kris will eventually be free, how it all ends. But to get there… is still a road ahead.
I think Ralsei’s affection towards Kris will definitely be explored in the later chapters. Not just because of the teasing we’ve been getting, but, if Ralsei really is a guide of the game’s code and script, what would that mean for him to get so attached towards the character the player is controlling?
Ralsei will have to make a choice. He will either recognize Kris is suffering and cannot wait any longer, or be faced with possibly having to fight them himself. This is why those two pathways matter as well. If he doesn’t know, his choice will come later and it will be an unpleasant surprise for him to find out the game universe is breaking apart around him with the self awareness of certain characters. If he does know, however, his choice is NOW, and waiting for the inevitable will be torture.
Just how long until he breaks? Or will he keep the facade until the very last chapter?
Like I said, I don’t intend this theory to be the biggest, most revealing and coherent theory. But… It could add a very interesting layer to Ralsei’s character, as well as answer many questions posed beforehand. He knows the school layout and game controls because he is part of the code. He can get to the other Dark World’s easily and remain unharmed because the game demands him to be. He looks like this so that we love him. He wants to give us the most fulfilling Castle Town so that we will love the game. He doesn’t protest even when Kris does things like try to give him the thorn ring, because to him, everything will be okay anyway. Everything he is, is for us. He isn’t evil or malicious per se, he just opposes Kris’ biggest need.
But he may have gotten himself attached. And that may be a clue to sparing him if he does become a final boss.
But! Tell me what you thought of this theory! Do you think it’s way too weird and farfetched, or do you think it’s possible that it could happen? Or maybe you agree with some stuff but not with other stuff? Go ahead and tell me!
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serenheist · 3 years
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What Taehyung is like in a relationship/ Taehyung as a boyfriend Tarot reading
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How long does it take him to get into a relationship? & Does he prefer long or short term relationships 8 of cups, queen of swords, 10 of pentacles 9 of pentacles reversed, 4 of cups
Ffs the queen of swords always pops up. Anyway yeah I don’t see him getting into anything quickly. He could’ve in the past but I think past relationships left him drained af and feeling alienated. I think he has a shit ton of walls up and is a lot more no nonsense now. It’s probably intimidating and more blunt to others because he wants to get to the heart of why someone is trying to get with him since so many people try to pull the same shit and fuck around with him like he’s dumb. He does not settle for anything other than what he wants. If he can’t find “the one” then he legit just rather be alone. It looks like he’s now more focused on building a Legacy though and something serious and long term so he has no desire to just jump into something with anyone. He basically would wait it out and get to know them long before deciding he trusts them enough and feels comfortable enough to show his emotions and not be so aloof.
I feel like he’d be the type to not show much interest at first because he really needs to scope the person out. So the person probably wouldn’t even know he actually likes them. Actually he could be a little too jaded and bored to the point of turning away everyone even though he does want a relationship. But in his mind there’s too many people being carbon copies and trying to swindle him for his money bruh for real all of bts are having this problem like damn it keeps reoccurring. Idk why it seems like there’s people also trying to use money to get with him like they’re rich and they think he’ll just want someone loaded. Like dude he’s already rich so that doesn’t work and to him them having a ton of money means Jack shit when they have the personality of a damn rock.
Past & present love life 10 of swords, 2 of pentacles present: the hermit, 5 of wands
Past love life: welp. Do I really need to explain the 10 of swords. I think actually that he had all this past trauma and shit from relationships and even other shit he still hasn’t dealt with but there was no time to even process that because he had to get back to work and act like he was fine. I think he’s the type of person that buries himself in his career when he experiences traumatic stuff that he doesn’t want to deal with. And of course it’s easier when you’re busy 24/7 anyway. This relationship betrayed him in every way tbh but maybe it was a catalyst for better things to come though he still might not see this right now. Present: I don’t see him in a relationship now currently cause the hermit but also being a major arcana it’s like he’s really in a life stage right now where he just wants to be alone because there’s so much conflict going on and he’s feeling anxious and having all these negative pessimistic thoughts that he just needs time to himself. I don’t think he very optimistic about his love life right now he’s lost a lot of hope. Things are too chaotic elsewhere to focus on romance.
What is he like in a relationship? the chariot, ace of cup, Unicorn, fae 61, solus 13, vanth, the sun reversed, anger and chains 29, justice, 2 of swords reversed, 3 of cups reversed, avenoir 1, princess of pentacles,ta’om the poet 29, ace of swords, Thanatos
What is he like in a relationship? When he’s in a relationship he really puts all his focus on that person and will go above and beyond for them. There’s a kind of masculine and feminine balance in him in the sense that he’s ready to be the go getter and take charge but there’s also a vulnerable energy and overflowing emotions. He works hard to take care of his person and make the relationship work . The only downside is he could possibly be too smothering to his partner or come on too strongly because of past shit and maybe too clingy for some people since in a relationship he really shows his softer side and he’s not as aloof as he is to others. He loves to have little house parties with his partner and have friends and family over with a ton of food and music.
For date ideas he’s down for anything but especially something “magical” maybe literally some place like Disneyland or pagan festival like beltane? That’s specific af but there’s a medieval type of energy and nature spirits and shit, he wants to do stuff he hasn’t done before and that might even be outside his comfort zone since G. Hobyah card is all about imaginary fears and getting past them. The best qualities he has in a relationship is the ability to help his partner stand on their own 2 feet but also recognizes that you can’t do everything on your own so he’s the type of person who would go above and beyond and connect you to the right people or situations. He’s always there when his partner really needs them and will make sure to put time aside.
His worst quality is that I don’t think he knows how to express his anger in a healthy way. I think with the sun reversed next to anger and chains it’s more like he doesn’t know how to fully show it it’s kinda repressed but his emotions under the exterior are a hot mess and there’s a big need for stability. It’s like being too stubborn to admit when you mess up and petty shit cause it hurts his ego. But I don’t think it’s super bad considering the justice card I used to represent his communication style. I feel that even if he gets mad af he gets over things really quickly and one minute he’s be angry and 10 minutes later he’ll be asking you what you want for dinner like wtf.
When he likes someone he’s not going to jump in and immediately go approach them. I see him instead watching them intently from afar lol he’s very cautious and like gathering everything he can on that person. Dude’s a 1st class stalker. Jk But the thing is the person wont even know he is interested in them because he keeps a serious face as a kind of mask but on the inside he’s like a giddy kid. Ta’om is known for looking serious and thoughtful but is actually very playful and slightly mischievous. I think Taehyung is definitely one to start off as friends and slowly get to know someone rather than just start dating because he really wants to know that person well to see how real they are and if they’re just putting up a front.
He’s not attracted to new shiny things that are perfect he’s able to see the beauty in all things even in difficulty. After he’s been friends with them for awhile and knows if that person like him back, that’s when he’d actually make a move. He finds a lot of satisfaction in doing services for others until they’re completed so it makes me think his love language (giving) is acts of service but with the ace of swords is pretty obvious his Receiving love language is words of affirmation but moreso he appreciates when someone is blunt and honest and not just saying stuff to make him feel better cause then it’s just insincere.
What is his ideal type? the ageless, the star, the singer of healing 10, el shaddai, protection 26, ram, the maestro, fae 41, the sage 19, king of cups reversed, himself 17, danu, death reversed, obsession
His type: this person seems to have had some messed up stuff happen to them in their past. Even when others were horrible to them they still kept their dignity and chose to still give to others instead of give in to bitterness and despair. It’s like the Phoenix where no matter how many times they metaphorically die, they can still rise up even better than before. I think they’re able to help heal others because they’ve been through the trauma themselves but they know how to be honest and blunt without being overly mean about it. They have a kid of tough exterior though I think from years of negativity from people that’s made them strong but also a little distant from people and they need a lot of time to themselves to recharge and get away from peoples bs. Honestly this seems a lot like Taehyung too lol I think he wants someone who’s been through similar traumas.
The ram keeps calling out to me that I think this persons way of showing love is a little aggressive but that’s what Taehyung likes in someone tbh. It’s not like actually showing love it’s hard to explain. It’s more so you know when someone tries to act like sarcastic and shit to hide the fact that they like someone? Idk why it reminds me of toph from avatar the last airbender where she just punches people to show affection it’s kinda like that. Cause they’re not good at being really vulnerable. They put on this brave face and are pretty good at it to the point where you won’t notice that they’re jealous seeing you hang out with someone else. But this person is really independent like I’m not joking lmao and a go getter they don’t rely on anyone really. And don’t give a fuck who you are.
There’s 2 healing cards and honestly why is this person so similar to Taehyung lol this person is great at helping or healing others but again has to realize it’s okay to also get help for yourself. They think maybe that they’re fine on their own and they don’t like relying on others for help because people disappoint you and it’s easier to just do it yourself. But they’re really good at giving advice and are lot nicer than their exterior let’s on. Bruh the star card makes my mind keep playing that I’m gonna be a star song by twice lmao stop. I think this person actually is a star or is working up to it cause they have huge plans. This isn’t someone just wanting a mundane job I think they’re gonna go big.
Especially paired with the ram talking about they go for big dreams and huge successes. This person won’t stop until they accomplish their dreams they really don’t care what others say and will go to the extremes to get there. I see they have a lot of talents anyway but some people were like saying negative shit that their dreams are impossible but they’re learning to set boundaries with other people and it’s more of a just move in silence energy. Also usually I don’t say zodiac signs but since it’s a major arcana it might play some significance but Aquarius might be prominent in their chart (nvm I just remembered Taehyung has venus in Aquarius so duh you dumbass it wouldn’t be that out there to think he’d be drawn to Aquarius qualities).
I wonder if this person is into astrology though given all the glyphs. I think this is someone Taehyung has been trying to manifest and call in too like wishing on a star for a looooong time and maybe thought it wouldn’t come but boy does the universe have a surprise for you. They really are future oriented thinkers and know a lot about spirituality I think that a big part of who they are I really don’t think they’d be completely atheist or not care about spiritual topics. They give a lot without much thought in return and can talk about anything with openness and honesty. With Taehyung they’d teach him everything under the sun. He likes when he can share all this knowledge especially about weirder topics with someone who isn’t going to dismiss him. I see them really encouraging him to try new things and show him things he never knew were possible. They treat him like he finally belongs somewhere in the world.
This shit is kinda spooky because both the maestro guy and illbe the retriever are holding orbs/a little white ball close to them and they speak of the same thing. This person really protects Taehyungs hopes and dreams. Also they themselves obviously represent a dream that Taehyung thought was long gone and impossible. I think it can be taken literally too lol to mean that when Taehyung is being forgetful af. This person is that type of person who has your keys already when you think you lost them. They’re really the more responsible one in the relationship lmao helping him to be more organized and get his life together. The next set of cards I used to represent what his biggest turn ons are. This isn’t in a sexual way though lmao I meant the qualities he likes the most in his ideal type. Already I noticed how all the cards are facing straight ahead and looking right at you so it makes me think this person has some intense ass eye contact and looks intimidating and they got a rbf.
With the king of cups reversed I don’t think they’re actually these heartless cold bitches and that Taehyung is turned on by that because the sage card is upright and talks about the same shit but this is a person definitely who looks colder but is actually kind on the inside. He kinda likes people who look cold like that but are actually sweethearts. This person is not one of those super lovey-dovey people or uses pet names and babytalk like “my sweet baby Taehyung” whatever I think they find it very cringe. They have some trauma from when they were kids where they felt as if they aren’t allowed to act very emotional because people will think they’re weak and take advantage of them (this is just their beliefs about themselves) they instead act very macho or tough again lol like Toph from ATLA idk why I keep thinking of her but there’s like a kinda tomboy energy but they’re really not heartless they just need the right person to feel comfortable around and need to work on opening up emotionally.
There’s so much masculine and yang energy but then at the end you see this motherhood figure so it again really makes me think it’s a front and this person is so nurturing and that’s what really draw Taehyung to them. He loves the most that this person knows so much about the most random things and esoteric topics. They value tradition and stability but they also understand the need for growth and change they’re the perfect balance. Communication is really a big thing for Taehyung it’s a reoccurring theme in this. Someone who is very good at communicating and are action oriented. They say what they mean and mean what they say. It’s very important that they are their own unique individual self and have their own goals and skills and hobbies.
This person is probably a powerful manifester too and sets their intentions and goes after them. They have so much power and confidence also with the himself card they could be a dancer or love dance since he’s a dancer faerie they’re very much into creative shit. They seem very natural and not the type who got work done or wears too much makeup idk there’s like a wild energy lol like this bitch is from the damn forest. If someone attacked Taehyung this person would literally drop kick someone even if the person was bigger than them. Danu card is always protective and nurturing but ferocious if you mess with their person. Like “idc what you do to me but if you touch my guy I’ll end you”.
Now onto what Taehyung’s biggest turn offs in general are: death reversed and obsessed card lol oh god bro I am fucking done. His biggest turn off is when someone makes him the center of their universe. I mean this in the extreme way like “omg you’re my one and only we’re meant to be I think about you 5000 times a day and have an entire closet with all your pictures and I document your entire life” 👀 and he’s like uhh can you get a damn hobby? (That doesn’t involve me) Cause imagine someone’s entire life revolves around you. It’s sweet at first I guess? Lmaoo then it’s just creepy and like they have no life or personality without you. Death reversed is like something is plaguing you and following you around, pestering and annoying you. He must’ve experienced this shit irl lmao if it’s this strong with a major arcana to come up as a turn off. Cause major arcana are big ass life lessons. Like they thought he wouldn’t know they were secretly obsessed with his ass and used other people like his friends to get closer to him but I’m telling you Taehyungs intuition is something else and he always knows when people are some obsessed crazies. This is exactly why he’s so cautious now because of bs like that he can’t trust anyone. Like please stop acting like Jodi Arias and have some self respect.
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weirdmageddon · 3 years
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five years too late let’s analyze this. the commentary has gotten me back into gravity falls reigniting thoughts and insights i came to years ago
i love everything about this commentary in general it hits the points of humor, genuine analysis of the characters, but most of all im so glad hirsch addressed that the droid not detecting any fear from dipper here doesnt make any scientific sense because that was a massive CinemaSins moment for me
IDK the fact that dipper can fucking stand after an airship crash because theres a bigger threat at hand is literally one of the defining capabilities owed to adrenaline lol...... IM SORRY im a biopsychology student if i dont point that out iwill seethe and die because that was just . its a grudge ive held for a long time about this episode but didnt rant about because it was something so minor and i’m sure nobody would care.
i was 13 when this episode came out and i’m almost 19 now, i had a special interest in biology and i still do but now i’m actually having college classes in biopsychology so i can give my arguments more oomph now. and i have to say, now that i know more about the brain and autonomic nervous system the more this scene bugs me, if that was even possible. and it says a lot of dipper and ford’s relationship.
if dipper clearly wasnt calm before, why would he be now just because he’s put up an outwardly confident facade? before he was in the flight but now hes in the fight. my boy just rode on top of a spaceship by nothing but a magnet gun that could detach at any time if it failed and then the ship crashed, he sustained injuries, is in emotional turmoil because he thinks his uncle is Fucking Dead and the threat of a security droid that detects adrenaline is on his tail and produces a Big Fucking Gun in response to dipper saying “i hAvE a MaGNeT gUn” and hes screaming and has his teeth clenched but sure there’s no adrenaline coursing through his body in that moment i can totally believe that
when dipper asks what happened, ford says “the orb didn’t detect any chemical signs of fear, it assumed the threat was neutralized and self-disassembled” but i don’t think measuring someone’s heartbeat alone is particularly relevant in detecting ... chemical signs of fear?? they dont really tell you this shit but noradrenaline (and maybe adrenaline too if the acetylcholine from sympathetic outflow always activates the adrenal medulla??, theres two pathways) is always active in small quantities to make sure your parasympathetic nervous system doesnt slow your heart to dangerous levels on its own, regardless of your emotions. it’s just a homeostatic mechanism. your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems are CONSTANTLY modulating control of your organs on a see-saw, literally with every breath you take. simply standing upright causes specialized mechanoreceptor neurons in blood vessels to signal your brain to project signals to release catecholamines via the sympathetic nervous system to constrict your blood vessels so that blood is able to reach your brain and not pool in your legs. i have a deficiency in my body’s ability to adapt to this which is why i know so much about it. if i stand up my heart races to compensate. i’m not feeling fear, my body is just adjusting—albeit grossly and incompetently lol.
but what im saying here is that the security system is flawed. it’s a cool idea to have security droids detect fear, but in practice by detecting adrenaline, and not even directly by detecting the molecule itself—it’s done in a roundabout way by reading the heartbeat, could be a recipe for false alarms. like what if someone’s on beta-blockers. that’s not really an adequate way to measure “fear”; there’s so many variables that could interfere with the measurement the farther you abstract from what you’re really trying to detect. and besides, adrenaline is NOT just a sign of fear, it’s just for preparing the body for action. i know the sympathetic nervous system and adrenaline is constantly linked with the “fight-or-flight” reaponse to a stressor, but 99.9% of the time the sympathetic nervous system is used in your life is to balance out your parasympathetic nervous system to maintain homeostatic equilibrium for mundane things.
i think detecting amygdalar activation would be more efficient in detecting fear. the amygdala sends projections to the hypothalamus which then in turn modulates the autonomic nervous systems. but the amygdala is intensely activated specifically in response to a fear-inducing stimulus (it does activate in response to other emotions but they’re mostly negative and is most activated by startle and fear), and wouldnt be highly activated by many other confounding variables like measurement of the heartbeat could be. the amygala is one of the first stops directly from external stimuli.
to show you how integrated the amygdala is as the first step in registering fear after receiving input from sensory stimuli let’s look at the auditory-amygdala connection for example
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see how the auditory thalamus projects to the primary auditory cortex and auditory association cortex? the cortex is where conscious awareness of what the stimuli is comes from. this is the “high road”. it goes sensing -> perception -> emotional response. but sometimes you can be startled without even processing what it is you’re sensing, like the startle response of an alarm or a phone ringing in a quiet house before you even register what it is. this goes sensing -> emotional response, without perception happening until after you’ve already felt the startle. that’s when it takes the “low road”. here’s a simplified version:
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even if that were the case with these droids though it’s obvious dipper is still fearful on some level here. his body language, voice, expressions all give it away. for the amygdala, aggression isnt too off from fear so it would be detected equally.
the reason this is so important is because ford uses this as evidence for why dipper is special, “i did it?” “you did it. this is what i was talking about, how many 12 year olds do you think are capable of doing what you’ve just done?”
but like....did he really? i’m not saying this to shoot dipper down or make him out to be more of a wuss, he was incredibly strong-willed here and i dont want to take that away from him because it WAS growth on his part. but the underlying psychophysiological reactions of aggression and fear shouldn’t be that different and this was a total asspull. maybe the droid was so old that it fucked up. maybe dipper being covered in grime and dirt made it harder for the droid to measure the correct heart rate through photoplethysmography (im assuming since they use a camera and are non-contact).
and in all honesty everything i just said brings into question the interpersonal healthiness of ford’s judgements, what he thinks, his expectations, and how he communicates that. in this video alex already talks about how ford is projecting onto dipper. and i think ford may be projecting his expectations for himself onto people who are not him, and the fact that it’s on dipper here makes it far more unfortunate. you realize how much this boy idolizes ford, right? how much impressions matter? dipper even tells himself before he leaves in this same episode, “all right dipper, this is your first big mission with great uncle ford. don’t mess this up.”
even though it’s unstated, the implicit message dipper is perceiving from ford based on their dynamic is: “do you have what it takes for me to be proud of you?” and to accomplish this he must be like ford, even though he’s clearly not and he knows this. he says “i don’t think have what it takes. i was tricked by bill, i was wrong about stan’s portal, heck, i can’t even operate this magnet gun right.” then, by simple chance without even knowing what he did, he activates the magnet gun and pulls out the adhesive, which immediately takes the focus away from what dipper was telling ford about his feelings of inadequacy to ford saying, “yes! dipper, you found the adhesive!”
these thoughts of dipper’s hang in the air without resolve or comment from ford. we don’t know what ford would have said. but it then becomes painfully self-evident in the scene immediately after when the droids emerge and ford tells dipper, “they’re security droids and they detect adrenaline. you simply have to not feel any fear and they won’t see you”, to which dipper replies with an exasperated (and rightful) “WHAT?”
dipper goes in a panic trying to indirectly tell his uncle that this isn’t something he can do. and he is completely right and valid to be freaked out by that full stop. that IS crazy. you can’t control your fear. you can control how you interpret that fear in your higher brain regions but the physiological changes will stick around for longer than it takes to cognitively calm down. it’s easy for me to detach from my emotions to analyze them, but being able to do this does not come naturally for everyone. even i have an irrational fear of wasps and i can’t control it by detaching myself, my body is just automatically primed to get the fuck out of there. i know it’s stupid and i know it’s irrational and isn’t helpful to get myself worked up but i literally can’t stop how my body reacts no matter how i cognitively think about it. expecting composure from dipper in a situation like this when he’s being made to consciously be aware of his anxiety is absolutely fucking insane. look what you did, placing these cruel expectations on him, now he’s afraid of being afraid! this isn’t a case where two wrongs cancel out, they just stack on top of each other.
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there’s a good reason these scenes were put side by side but it seems up until now it had remained unanalyzed.
what dipper fears from ford is disappointment. not living up to his uncle’s (quite frankly badly placed) expectations for a twelve year old with anxiety. not once did ford say or subliminally communicate “i don’t expect you to be able to do what i can since you are not as experienced as i am and that’s perfectly okay, no judgements”. you don’t put a child on bike before training wheels. you don’t throw a kid into a swimming pool without giving them swimming lessons. the way ford is doing it, there’s no room for trial and error or mistakes that are an opportunity to grow and learn; instead, it’s life or death. he only seems to pride dipper on what he can do while ignoring the underlying struggles that plague him and never making it known it’s okay for dipper to fail in front of his hero and that he won’t think anything less of him for it.
and that’s why i found the ending scene for dipper and ford’s adventure in this episode to feel so.. wrong. on a scientific and social level. because by the sound of it ford focused more on what dipper had done to dismantle the droid (the droid not detecting any fear) instead of how dipper displayed love and protection for him even if he was truly afraid. what if the science was accurate and the droid detected adrenaline while dipper was confidently standing up for his uncle. would ford still be proud of him regardless?
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cursingtoji · 3 years
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Royals
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Pairing: Gojo x Roality/Sorcerer!Reader
Summary: Yuji was told by his sensei that someone very special was coming to evaluate his new cursed energy.
Warning: fem pronouns, slightly suggestive, hickeys, established relationship.
a/n: naruto's anbu uniform is what i based reader's outfit off, so keep that in mind i guess? i apologize if i forgot some tag in the warnings, feel free to point anything out to me. thank u and enjoy <3
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“How pontual” Gojo smiled when he felt your presence on the top of the building he was standing along with Yuji.
“Huh?” Yuji looked around confused till he saw a black silhouette behind him.
“Hope you don’t mind Yuji-kun, I wanted a professional opinion and called a friend”.
“Are you sure this is the best place to do this Gojo?” You asked going around the boy with pink hair staring at his figure and sensing his cursed energy.
The building you agreed to meet him was one of the tallest in Tokyo, you could barely see the people on the streets from here.
“Sensei, is your friend a ninja?” Yuji asked, staring back at your figure, your black outfit left no skin to be shown while the kitsune mask covered your whole face and two swords remained crossed at your back.
“You worry too much Princess, don’t you believe I am the strongest?” You frown upon the use of the pet name. Yuji tilted his head to the side.
“I just don’t want things to go out of control” you moved your hands to remove the kitsune mask, your identity would still be protected by the mask that covered your nose and mouth beneath it, but Gojo stopped your hands as soon as you approached him.
“Keep it on until we finish okay?” He smiled, although he did not say anything else this was enough for you to understand he did not want the curse inside Yuji to cross eyes with you. “I’ll explain later, Yuji, now can you give us ten seconds with Sukuna?” Gojo stretched his arms preparing for a quick battle.
You moved to the corner of the building to give him space but still keeping an eye on the pink haired kid.
He was so young...
Black marks soon appeared on the kid’s body and the new cursed energy overwhelmed you making a shiver run up your spine.
As the heir of a clan that for centuries has the ability to control cursed energy, this scared you.
Sukuna’s energy was enough to destroy a big city like Tokyo as easily as a snap of a finger. In the past your clan helped Sukuna by increasing his cursed energy during battles but in the end, your clan also helped destroy Sukuna by suppressing his cursed energy as much as they could. Gojo asked you to come watch a quick demonstration, if the plan succeeded and Yuji managed to live long enough to eat all Sukuna’s fingers, it would be just a matter of time until the king of curses took control of the vessel and attempted some kind of mass destruction. If the time comes you wanted to be able to perform the same act that your clan did in the past.
Although, since Sukuna’s downfall your clan did not act as sorcerers anymore, instead they turned into rulers and politicians, living in big cities as Tokyo and controlling cursed energy just by existing there, a natural balance to the modern world, they would tell you, but none of this changed your mind when you decided to break the chain and become a sorcerer almost ten years ago.
The fight started when Sukuna ran towards Gojo murmuring something about seeing him again. Gojo controlled the situation fast by immobilizing Sukuna on the floor, far enough to not harm you.
“So?” Gojo asked, looking at your direction.
“You asked me to not do anything so I can’t say for sure, but I think it’s possible” you answered the white haired man.
Sukuna’s attention now was brought to you, he tried to read your cursed energy, you sensed that, but with the kitsune mask covering your face and eyes you doubt he recognized you as part of the clan that caused his downfall one thousand years ago.
Gojo again smiled at you, proud of you being able to take such a fast reading without messing with Sukuna’s energy, which he asked you to not do.
It would be better for everyone if Sukuna doesn’t make a target of you so soon.
“Alright, guess we are done for now” Gojo raised as soon as Yuji took back control of his body. You watched amazed as the cursed energy came back to a normal level.
Gojo asked Ijichi to drive Yuji back to the school and promised to talk to Yuji in the morning.
“I don’t know, Satoru. There’s only so much I can do alone, and I’m sure the rest of my clan won’t get involved with Sukuna if he returns. This is a huge responsibility for me...” you stopped talking, not even wanting to consider the possibility of such a powerful curse having complete control to do whatever he pleases and you not being able to do much by yourself.
“I won’t put you in danger, but for now it would be good if you could stick around Yuji, just to observe... I can put a good word for you with Yaga” Gojo dropped his arm around your shoulder playfully.
“You really want me to stay at jujutsu tech Tokyo just to keep an eye on him?” You removed the kitsune mask, now allowing Gojo to see your teasing eyes.
“I have my own selfish reasons too”.
The next morning Yuji crossed his path with Nanami around the school, having worked together once Yuji felt comfortable with asking Nanami about his sensei’s friend.
“Oi Nanami, do you know Gojo-sensei’s ninja friend? I met them last night but still don’t know what happened”.
Nanami stared at Yuji like he was speaking some foreign language “...Ninja?”
The elder was about to ask him to elaborate when the said sensei turned around the corner with you by his side.
“Gojo-san, Ojou-sama” Nanami bowed low when he noticed you coming closer.
“Ojou-sama?” Yuji looked at the person walking to them alongside Gojo. He did not recognize you at first, you now were using a colored Yukata and nothing covering your face.
“Nanami please, you know me long enough to drop this title” you smiled at your friend.
Yuji quickly made the connection between Nanami using the princess title and Gojo calling you Princess yesterday.
“Oh sensei, I didn’t know you had a girlfriend. You two make a beautiful couple” Yuji smiled.
“Itadori, show respect, Y/n-sama is an actual royal” Nanami whispered to Yuji.
After the downfall of Sukuna your clan reigned for a while, being the heir of the main clan branch and if your clan was still reigning that would technically make you a princess. Nanami insisted on referring to you as Ojou-sama in public even though you two attended school together years ago and long passed the formal titles.
“Sorry” Yuji bowed, still confused.
“It’s okay Itadori-kun, we will have enough time to get to know each other” you assured the pink haired boy.
“You are moving here?” Nanami asked.
“Isn’t it great?” Gojo smiled widely, now placing his arms on your shoulders and Nanami’s. “It will be like old times again”.
“Yaga accepted my request to stay on the campus and assist the kids,” you explained Nanami. Of course he knew that by ‘the kids’ you mean Itadori and his new found cursed energy.
“What a great set of teachers you will have Yuji-kun” Gojo tight his grip around you and Nanami “Why don’t you go find Fushiguro and Kugusaki while I show y/n her room?”.
“Yes, sensei!” Yuji smiled and bowed again before leaving to find his team mates.
“Let’s keep y/n secret between us, okay Nanami?” Gojo asked now that the three of you were alone. “Sukuna might not find out about y/n’s origins if she doesn’t mess with his or Itadori’s energy, the elders agreed to keep her around for now as protection”.
“I see… Well let me know if you need anything, Ojou-sama” Namami replied and fixed his tie.
“I need you to stop using that title, Kento” you smiled again at your stubborn friend and dropped Gojo’s arm from your shoulder going back to the path that led to your dorm.
“Always so polite, Nanamin” Gojo teased “Just don’t forget I’m the only one allowed to get on my knees for her” he released Nanami’s shoulder leaving his fellow sorcerer flushed.
“What did you tell him?” you asked Gojo when he got back to your side.
“Nothing he doesn’t know already” his large palm touched your lower back.
Your arrangements with Gojo were something known only by the heads of your clan, the two of you and few close friends. A promise made almost ten years ago allowed you to attend jujutsu tech and become a sorcerer if the only descendant of the Gojo clan married you by the time both of you got to your thirties. There was nothing in it for Satoru, but he agreed even though he barely left his teenage years.
“Satoru, What are we gonna do now?” you asked looking at your feet.
“We can start by getting you a pretty uniform, maybe a short skirt and a v-line” the hand that wasn’t at your back moved to the collar of your Yukata exposing more of your neck and collar bones and all the purple and blue marks painted there “A masterpiece like that has to be shown”.
“You are shameless” you slapped his hand away and adjusted your Yukata back. His flirty personality taking your mind away from the new responsibility of being Yuji’s guardian. “You know, we are two years away from the arrangements and I still wonder why you accepted it” you confessed, stopping in your tracks.
“Oh Princess, I’ll always be taking the side of rebel soul and you so happened to be the one that stole my heart from day one, you are not getting cold feet now, are ya?” he leaned and placed his arm on the wall behind you, an old habit that made you flushed when you two were younger, but now you can only bite your lips and raise a hand to lower his blindfold and meet his shining eyes full of admiration.
“Marrying the prince that saved me and the strongest jujutsu sorcerer? How could I get scared of that?”.
“Prince huh? I can get used to it”.
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teasty · 3 years
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irresistible || h.hj (m)
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a/n: yess fuck boy hyunjin ftw ngl,,,,i’m so in love with that idea,, especially with his long hair (i actually got into skz cuz of hyunjin’s hair lol i love longish hair on men)
● pairing: hwang hyunjin x (fem) reader
● genre: angsty n smutty (mdi!) | crack lol | enemies to lovers!au | college!au | nonidol!au
● warnings: hyunjin and reader hate each other at first :( | fighting | profanity | name calling | suggestive dialogue | fuckboy!hyunjin | snarky/goodgirl!reader | unprotected sex | hair pulling | cunnilingus | degradation + hints of praise | hyunjin is just an insecure baby underneath a tough guy exterior ;-; | virgin!reader | hyunjin keeps switching between fuck boy and sad boy |
● requested? yes!
● words: 9k
● summary: You despise Hwang Hyunjin with a passion. And he just hates you right back. You’re a good, moral student while he fucks around with everybody. He likes to pull at heartstrings while you like to pull at his palm tree hairdo. There’s nothing that makes you like the other, but when you wind up at the old art room with him and things get heated up, you see a softer, truer and more broken side to him.
Is falling in love with someone you've hated for years in the span of one night even possible? Apparently so...
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i miss him so much don't @ me
“You’re too irresistible not to fuck until you're screaming my name and begging for more.”
“Don’t fuck with me, Hyunjin, or I’ll tear your stupid hair out of your head,” you threaten darkly. The ever so proud Hyunjin only scoffs, laughing mockingly at you as he shoves his hands into his pockets. He crouched down to be at eye level with you. Despite you being much smaller than him, you still stood your group, even tripped over on the floor, your once organized papers sprawled out on the floor.
“I’d like to see you try, princess,” Hyunjin’s brow raises, and your lips downturn into even more of a frown. You would never, ever dare to start a physical fight with Hyunjin, but boy you can talk. Sometimes, your mouth might even be a little bit too big for your own liking. The words just flow out so naturally, and you don’t even realize it to actually stop it from flowing off of your tongue.
It was your dumb mouth that started this whole mess, anyways. Back in the last few years of high school, your best friend (who, in the end, turned out to be the fakest bitch you’ve ever met) had gotten with a boy. A boy you had no clue even went to the school. And, that’s when you met Hwang Hyunjin at lunch that day. In all his short - haired glory. At first, he seemed pretty decent, but you knew something was off about him from the start. Sure, he had a bright smile that could make any girl with a brain filled with boys faint, but he just didn’t sit too right with you. The way he acted around your friend (at the time) and the way he’d talk to her and other girls.
At first, you didn’t think he was a fuckboy, but it was when he tried to get in your pants after you called him a fuckboy after school one day when it hit you. That was the first and only day you really punched him in the face. Giving him a black and blue bruise on his cheekbone from the impact when he tried to take your clothes off, not caring whether or not you said it was alright or not. Of course, he got mad at you, but didn’t lay a hand on you, like you thought he would. You remember bracing your body for some sort of punch, kick or push, but nothing came other than Hyunjin’s loud voice screaming curses at you and calling you all - too vulgar and hurtful names.
You would have apologized if you weren’t so upset with the fact that he tried to be your first fuck. Your virginity isn’t the most precious thing to you, but you promised yourself you wouldn’t allow yourself to lose it to Hwang Hyunjin. Especially not after that day he actually tried to fuck you behind the school. You went running to your friend afterwards. Who, to your surprise, got mad at you for trying to make her boyfriend cheat on her with you. You couldn’t believe her, and you dropped her right there.
It was actually Hyunjin who broke up with her, having her come running to you with tears in her eyes about how upset she is that Hyunjin broke up with her. Of course, you didn’t react and only ignored her for… the rest of her life so far. She eventually gave up on trying to be friends with you, and went her own direction. However, Hyunjin didn’t leave you alone.
You can swear that he’s vowed to make your life living hell after you rejected him with your fist. At first, it was just teasing. Calling you names. Making fun of stupid mistakes. Sometimes even flirting with you just to make you mad. And no matter how many times you seemed to reject, verbally or physically, he never gave. Maybe he doesn’t try to get in your pants anymore, but he won’t stop calling you stupid nicknames when he’s being a dick to you… like “princess, baby, babygirl, darling, honey, sweetheart.” Stupid, meaningless nicknames to call you just to pull at both your heartstrings and your thin line of patience.
You weren’t so friendly to call him bittersweet names like that. You decided to go with a more aggressive route of, “dickhead, motherfucker, bitch, asshole, asshat, shithead” and other conjugations of any curse word you could think of. Of course, none of it fazed him one bit. In fact, it all seemed to amuse him. Like your anger was his entertainment, and that idea pissed you off.
You’ve had friends tell you to “Just not give him the attention since that’s what he wants!” But, that was the most difficult thing to do when Hyunjin was always following behind you, yet always a step ahead. Everywhere you end up, he’s somehow ironically there, too. Everywhere you plan to go, he’s somehow, ironically, planning to go there, too. Sometimes you debate if he’s stalking, but you don’t have much social media (nor do you post anything if you did) and you made sure to always keep away from the name Hyunjin just in case it’s the Hyunjin.
But, now, you’re sitting on your ass like an idiot, papers flown around you as Hyunjin crouches down in front of you. Almost as if peering down at his prey. His judgemental eyes scan your trembling figure, shaking from the pent up anger, up and down as he smirks like the little devil he is.
You’d been running back to your classroom, having to collect papers for your professor from the teacher’s lounge. She specifically asked for them to be organized by date, and you spent a few well - focused and frustrating minutes organizing the papers. Of course, as you were running through the supposedly empty hall, looking down at your phone to check the time to make sure you’ll have enough time before the end of the class period, you slammed face first into Hyunjin’s chest. Knocking him off of his balance, but catching himself on the wall, and sending you flying back and the papers to fly out of your arms, all your hard work scattered around you as you glare up at him with a deadly look in your eyes.
“Oh…” Hyunjin smiles down at you, leaning against the wall. His brows creasing up in a fake worry, his bottom lip jutting out in a mocking pout, staining his handsome face with the pathetic expression, “Poor baby… Do you need help picking up your papers?” He asks in a high pitched voice, and you try to hold back the urge to kick him right in the balls.
“Don’t fuck with me, Hyunjin,” you growl out darkly, and Hyunjin’s eyes widen and his fake, bitter smile widens in a pathetic imitation of shock and hurt, “Or I’ll tear your stupid hair out of your head.” You shamelessly threaten, both of you knowing you’re probably not going to even try to rip Hyunjin’s gorgeous hair for his scalp.
Hyunjin gets up off of the wall and walks over to you, you sitting on your ass with a glare that could spew daggers, and he crouches in front of you. His elbows on his knees, and he peers down at you like a predator stalking over its prey, ready to pounce at any second. He scans you, his half lidded, judgemental eyes peering over your body, heavily hidden by your black leggings and dark blue hoodie that was two sizes too big.
“I’d like to see you try, princess,” Hyunjin cocks a brow at you, his eyes finally landing on your dark ones.
“Don’t call me that, dickhead,” you spit right back, but he only chuckles darkly, his head falling briefly before he lifts his head up again. Shaking it slightly as he critically smiles at you, his mocking laugh making you feel small and weak.
“That’s a no - can - do. I’ll do whatever the fuck I want, alright? Princess?” Hyunjin’s face dips down, nearing yours. You do the first thing you think of, grabbing a handful of papers, wrinkling them and throwing them with full force at Hyunjin’s face. He flinches back and stands up, swatting away the papers quickly. “Fucking hell! You scared me for a second there.”
“Good, now piss off. I have places to be. And shouldn’t you be in class?” You grumble as you collect the papers, trying your best to get them as organized as possible in your arms, making sure to keep a tight grip on them in case Hyunjin tried to do anything.
“Aw, do you suddenly care for me?” He places a hand over his chest, sighing dramatically, “I’m touched.”
“In your dreams, dipshit. Leave me alone,” you snap out, already getting a headache from this as you walk around on your knees to try and collect the papers, cursing to yourself when you find a wrinkled one, trying to smooth it out. Hyunjin watches you with a stoic expression, leaning against the wall. You don’t even bother saying another thing to him before you gather up the last of the papers and dash away, trying to organize the papers best you could before you reach your class.
Thankfully, Hyunjin didn’t follow you like he usually did. You let out a breath of air you didn’t know you were holding as you neared the classroom, your hands moving quickly to organise the papers. You open the door, somewhat out of breath as you hand them to the professor. Letting her know that you dropped them on your way here and they got a bit disorganized, but you tried your best to organize them again. She dismissed you and thanked you, sending you back to your seat to pack up (since it’s the end of the class, which is why you were hurrying).
Thankfully, your last class period is a study hall, so you take this time to run down to the library to work on assignments that are due soon. You prefer the library since it’s a calm and quiet place, and you know the librarian quite well, since you’re usually there during study hall. If you’re not there, you’re somewhere with a friend, and that’s usually not in the comfort of the library since you get pretty loud and unfiltered when you’re with friends. So, in the end, you’ll get booted out by the librarian.
When you get there, there’s already quite a few students sitting around, listening to music and typing vigorously on their laptops. You bow briefly to the librarian, who gives you a warm smile before you take a seat at a table in the corner of the library, far from the others. You take out your laptop and phone, plugging your earbuds into the earphone jack in your phone to play music into your ears.
You spend a good fifteen minutes writing an essay for your English Literature class. Focused in on the task at hand while soft lofi flows into your ears, letting your mind relax, but focus on what you’re doing.
So, it’s totally normal that you let out a short scream when your earbuds are painfully ripped out of your ears, your hands flying up to cup your ears. People glare at you, but turn back when they see who’s looming over your desk. Your earbuds and phone in his hand, and you could faintly hear the sound of the lofi that once calmed your mind. He stood there with a proud smile, and he raised a finger to his lips.
“Shh… quiet in the library,” Hyunjin says just above a whisper, and your lip twitches from holding back from strangling him in front of everyone. Why couldn’t he just leave you alone? He’s always made a note to let you know how annoying you can be or how much he hates you, so why doesn’t he just leave you alone? He knows how much he upsets you, but it seems to make him happy. He already wears a stupid smile all the time. You’ve seen him upset before, plenty of times. But when he’s teasing you or doing things to make you miserable, he wears that same devilish smirk.
“I… Fuck you, Hwang Hyunjin. Give me my phone back.” You stand up, reaching for the phone, but his hand yanks back away from you. Giving you a sarcastic smile as he looks down at you.
“Beg for it,” Hyunjin giggles darkly. Looking at something on your phone and even pressing a few buttons. Your eyes widen.
“Fuck no, just give it back!” You whisper - yell, reaching for it again, leaning over the table to grab for it.
Hyunjin shakes his head, “I said to beg for it…~” he sings - songs in a hushed tone, and your hands tense, his neck lookingly plenty good to just strangle. You don’t say anything, and you fold your arms over your chest. Raising a brow at you. “You think that’s gonna change my mind, hon? I still want you to beg for it.”
“You’re so fucking stubborn, it’s annoying,” you grumble, and shut your laptop close and push it into your backpack. You start walking out, shoving past Hyunjin and fighting against frustrated tears. You don’t even bother to bow to the librarian as you walk out, on fist gripping the sleeve of your backpack and the other clenched tightly at your side.
You walk out of the library, into the court of the university. There’s not many people there, since it’s the last class period of the day and everyone was getting ready to go home for the weekend. You stood underneath a tree, and turned, cocking a brow at Hyunjin who followed behind you slowly. You frown at him, and his brow raises.
“So? You’re gonna get ‘em or no? You know I’m not giving them if you just frown at me, (Y/N),” Hyunjin smiles snarkily, and you visibly roll your eyes at him. You sigh softly.
“Hyunjin. Give them to me. I’m being serious, now, no fuckin’ around,” You hold your hand out, finally speaking in a normal, harsh tone now that you’re out of the library.
“Hm… Nah. You still have to beg for it like a bitch. Or else they’re mine,” Hyunjin gives you a pitifully fake smile, and your eyes close, trying to ease the rising rage inside you.
“Hyunjin. I’m not begging for it,” You take a step closer to him, but he doesn’t back down. Your headphones still clutch in his hand as he holds them away from you. When Hyunjin doesn’t respond, you finally act. Dropping your backpack and letting it slip off your shoulder and onto the grass, propping itself against the tree. Hyunjin’s smile finally drops when you grip his wrist, pulling it towards you harshly. But, on instinct, Hyunjin pulls himself away, pulling you towards him.
So, you push him down onto the grass, not caring for onlookers as you straddle Hyunjin’s waist before he could even try getting up. One of your hands reaches up to press against his chest, but Hyunjin doesn’t struggle. Not one bit. In fact, he doesn’t even smirk anymore. He’s just staring at you as you reach for his hand.
“(Y/N),” Hyunjin’s dark voice pipes up, and you shoot him a glare.
“Shut up,” you snap, and you pry open his fingers, which was much easier than you though. His hands are hot and sweaty, and you almost laugh at it. Is he nervous that you’re straddling him let alone touching him in the first place? You will admit, it’s an intimate position, but you only got on top of him like that to prevent him from moving so you could grab your earbuds and phone out of his hands and stuff them into your pocket.
You smirk down at him, your hair falling past your face. It feels good to be the one in control, and now that Hyunjin’s vulnerable, you utter out, “And you almost got me to beg. Boohoo. Better luck next time, dipshit.” You finally get off of him, and the moment you’re off of him, he gets up and dusts himself off.
“(Y/N),” He calls out your name as he watches you grab your backpack.
“Shut up and don’t talk to me,” You snap, and Hyunjin’s lip clamp shut. He looks conflicted, and you would feel bad if it weren’t Hyunjin. The same Hwang Hyunjin who’s decided to make your every day a living headache.
“Don’t you ever fucking touch me like that again,” Hyunjin’s hand snatches your wrist, but you pull yourself away swiftly, “If you do that ever, and I mean ever again, I will not hesitate to stuff your face in the dirt.” Hyunjin gets dangerously close to you, and you back away. You’re brows creasing. Sure, Hyunjin is a huge dick to you, but he’s not this much of a dick. So, it took you by surprise, but you felt proud. It’s obvious that forcing Hyunjin into such a vulnerable position both mentally and physically set him off, and you were proud of yourself for that. He’s always been the one trapping you, making you feel small and tugging at your strings of patience, and sometimes your heartstrings, too.
“Oh, fuck off, Hyunjin.” You groan out, your hands falling to your side as you sling your backpack over your shoulder, “You do that shit to me all the time. What’s it if I do it to you?”
“Just don’t do it a - fuckin’ - gain, (Y/N). Don’t, unless you don’t wanna walk straight the next day.” Hyunjin threatens, and your brows furrow.
“And what the fuck does that mean?” You scoff as Hyunjin shakes his head, turning to walk away. “Hyunjin!” You yell after him, but he thrusts up his hand, his slim middle finger in your direction. You scoff, surprised by such behavior from a guy like him, who’s usually the one doing the teasing instead of the flipping off.
You try your best to ignore him and head back to the dorm to your shared one with your friend. You were able to settle down for a bit, especially since your roommate wasn’t there yet. You finished up your work. Working on assignments that you couldn’t get to finish because of a certain someone who decided to snag your phone.
Speaking of your phone, about two hours after you get back to the dorm, your friend comes walking in.
“Hey Yeona,” You pipe up, acknowledging her presence as she peels off her flats from her feet. Yeona waves briefly before plopping on her bed.
“Hey (Y/N). How was it going today?”
“Terrible.” You admit, Hyunjin being the only thing coursing through your head.
“Terrible? Lemme guess,” Yeona sits up, glaring at you, “it’s that one Hwang guy you keep ranting about?” You nod slowly, “Ah. Well, sorry about that. Actually, that reminds me. Someone was asking for you. A boy… A really, really cute boy.”
“Oh? Who?” Your brow raises.
Yeona shrugs, “No clue. Couldn’t catch his name; he seemed like he was in a rush. He wants you to meet him in the old art room. The one they use for storage, you know? He said to take your time, but he seemed desperate as hell.”
“The old art room? Don’t people go there to fuck because the camera’s are busted at the school’s too lazy to replace ‘em?” your brow raises, a bitter smile etching your lip.
“That’s the one. Hey, you might get some dick tonight. At least he’s cute,” she wiggles her brows, and you laugh. “Go one. Call me if anything happens.”
“Yes, ma’am,” You jokingly salute, and Yeona does it right back. You stuff your phone in your back pocket, and give her a playful smile before you leave.
The old art room is at the very core of the school, and you know exactly where it is. Everybody does. It’s not exactly something that just goes unnoticed by the students. Since it’s old, the camera’s are very much out of date and therefore can’t hook up to the ‘new and improved’ security system. Usually people snuck there to fuck during passing hall, since no teacher went in there. Only special people on special occasions use it for storage.
You were somewhat excited. You still have your v - card, whether you like it or not. You originally planned to save it for someone special. But, at this point, you’re too stressed to care about who’s taking your virginity and who’s not. At this point, you’d get on your knees for anyone willing.
Except for Hwang Hyunjin. Of fucking course. You know so many people who would literally beg to be fucked by none other than Hwang Hyunjin. You were not one of those people. You weren’t one of Hyunjin’s toys, even though he treated you like one. You would never let him get to your head, though. You know that you shouldn’t listen to Hyunjin even if your life depended on it. He might mean those things, those vulgar things he says to you, but you choose not to believe them.
You were trembling by the time we were standing in front of the old art room. The rusty door is slightly ajar, signifying that someone’s inside. Of course there is, but it’s still weird that they didn’t shut the door in case any teacher got concerned and checked in. Whoever’s inside must be stupid, but you’re not one to ghost someone like that, especially if Yeona said that they seemed desperate. Someone desperate for you? You had no clue who. No one ever stared at you in class. No one ever teased you. Tried to constantly get your attention.
Actually, that’s a lie. That’s a bitter lie.
Hwang Hyunjin fit into every aspect of someone who’d be desperate for your attention. That’s when it hit you that Hyunjin’s only trying to gain your attention in the worst way.
And, he did. Because he’s standing right in front of you.
You turned to leave, but Hyunjin’s hand slammed against the closed door, making you flinch at the close proximity between the two of you, and you turned to look at Hyunjin. He’s not smiling like he usually is when he first sees you. In fact, you can’t tell what expression laces his godly face.
“Hyunjin? Was it you that told my friend to bring me here?” You ask, not so much a harsh tone, but trying to make things clear despite the answer being (literally) right in front of your face. There’s no one else in the old art room but empty boxes, old art tables and storage boxes littered here and there. “This isn’t funny, Hyunjin. I’m leaving.” You turn back around to grip the doorknob, but Hyunjin’s warm, shaking hand grips your wrist firmly, yet oddly gently.
“Don’t,” he utters out. His voice was strangely small. Nimble, even. Weak. “Don’t go. I need to talk to you.”
“Since when do you wanna talk to me?” You snap, and Hyunjin dodges your intense glare. His confidence seeps to be depleting by the minute.
“I just need to. I need to get things figured out,” Hyunjin grumbles out, letting go of your wrist. He steps away from you and sits on one of the old art tables, manspreading, stretching the tight fabric of his jeans.
“Get what figured out? Tell me,” you demand, now stepping away from the door and sitting across from Hyunjin on another table. Before Hyunjin could speak, though, you raise a hand, a thought coming to mind, “Wait, no. Why did you not just come to my dorm like a normal person? Why the art room? Do you know how many people have fucked in here, Hyunjin?”
Hyunjin rolls his eyes, sighing softly, “Yes, I do. It’s just the only place we could truly be alone.”
“Wait… you’re not gonna do what I think you're gonna do, right?” You back up, reaching for your phone.
Hyunjin shakes his head, “No, I’m not. I’m not a stupid sixteen year old anymore, (Y/N). And neither are you.” You sigh, relaxing, “I’m just going to get straight to the point. I can’t take this anymore, (Y/N). I’m so lost without you.”
Your eyes snap up to meet his, looking for any sign of mischief or joke in his eyes. But, no. Instead, they’re genuine. Your brows furrow, confusion crashing over you.
“I don’t want to live with the thought that I make every day for you living hell,” Hyunjin looks away, ashamed.
“Then why do you taunt me in the first place?” You nearly yell, and Hyunjin’s eyes flicker closed. You get off of the table, standing in front of him, “Why do you work so hard to just get me pissed off for the rest of the day, huh? Why do you want my attention so bad? Why can’t you just leave me alone, then, if you don’t want to make my college life a living hell, huh?”
“Because I’m in love with you.”
So blunt. So stoic. So true.
You’re silenced by his words, shock overcoming you. Overwhelmingly dominating your anger as your eyes widen slowly. He doesn’t break eye contact, this time. He doesn’t bother looking away. He’s standing his ground. He’s telling the truth.
You shake your head, “No your not.”
“You don’t decide that,” Hyunjin says almost directly after your voice drifts off.
“You can’t be in love with me, Hyunjin. You can’t,” You shake your head, backing away.
“It’s not my fault!” Hyunjin finally raises his voice, getting off of the table and taking an intimidating step towards you. Making you falter and scramble back, your lower back hitting the old art table. “I can’t help it. I can’t help, (Y/N). I’ve tried everything. I’ve been with so many girls, even guys. Trying to get out of my mind but nothing, nothing works. It’s always been you. Ever since high school.”
“Even when you were dating her…?”
“Even when I was dating her. The only reason I dated your fucking friend was to try and get close to you,” Hyunjin admits, and your mouth falls open. You lost a friend just because he wanted to get close to you? Your anger was slowly gaining back it’s superiority over your shock, “I tried to talk to you, but every time I did it just came out as mean. You viewed me as a fuckboy, and I fulfilled that role. Only to try and get you out of my fucking head.” He spits out through gritted teeth. “I’ve tried to make myself hate you, despise you. And, don’t get me wrong, hon, a small part of me hates you’re short, annoying ass. But everything else is incomplete without you.”
“Why didn’t you just confront me? If you didn’t decide to date my friend then we wouldn’t be here right now!” You yell, pressing a finger to his chest.
“I was sixteen, (Y/N)! Sixteen. Everything that I did ended in my misfortune,” Hyunjin yells right back.
“And was that my fault? Huh?”
“Yes! It is! Yes, it fuckin’ is!”
“How in the fuck is it ever my fault with you?!” You shove him away.
“Because it was. All. For. You. Get that through your thick fucking skull!” Hyunjin yells so loudly, so aggressively that it brought you to tears. But, you didn’t show any sign of fear. You weren’t backing down from this.
After his yelling, things quieted. You’re too nervous to talk, afraid your voice would pathetically crack from the painful lump growing in your throat. Hyunjin stared at you, as if waiting for you to say something, anything. But, you couldn’t utter a word. Only a few pathetic tears slipping from your eyes. His brows crease up when he watches the quick, warm tears fall over your cheek and down your neck. His bottom lip becomes trapped between his teeth, and he looks down for a bit.
You’re tired of the silence. You simply can’t take it anymore. It’s driving you mad how tense and uncomfortable the silence between you and Hyunjin is.
“Hyunjin, I-“
You’re not able to finish before a pair of soft lips press themselves to yours. Your mind goes blank, and your body stiffens as you stare into Hyunjin’s closed eyes. Your hands gripping the table behind you for balance as Hyunjin’s trembling hands creep up to grip your face. He’s kissing you.
Hwang fucking Hyunjin is kissing you.
That’s a first.
You want to push him away, but no matter how much you tell yourself to, you only relax more and more. The feeling of his lips against yours was supposed to repulse you, give you the push you need to slam a fist into Hyunjin’s face. But, with how delicately he kisses you and how his gentle, trembling fingers caress your warm cheeks, you can’t bear even clenching your fist in the need to hurt him or to get him away from you.
You couldn’t bear to admit it, but you were slowly melting into the kiss. It was as though Hyunjin was casting some sort of spell on you. Your eyes relax. Going from a dim half - lidded until they flutter shut. Your hands let go of the table. You’re shaking, ever so slightly. Your hands guide themselves as they bring themselves up to press against Hyunjin’s collarbone. At first, you believe you’re trying to push him away. But, your own hands deceive you when they slowly trail up to run your hands through his long grown hair.
You finally let your lips move, and you finally kiss him back.
Hyunjin’s reaction to it is one to die for. His back stiffens when he feels your lips part and move with his. One of his hands moves to caress your jaw, his thumb running across the bone, his hands a bit more firm as the kiss gets passionate.
You want to hate yourself for kissing him back. For succumbing to him and letting yourself fall weak underneath him. But, you just couldn’t help yourself. Hyunjin’s lips pulled you in and didn’t seem to plan on letting you go anytime soon.
It seems like a flash when your tongue presses flush against Hyunjin’s. The feelings send your back stiff and you tightly grip his hair, as if you were going to break apart from the feeling. Hyunjin’s experienced lips guided your inexperienced ones, despite him obviously being nervous.
You try to breath through your nose like Hyunjin does when things start getting more and more intense, and Hyunjin’s hands slowly start to creep away from your face. Tongues clash, and instead of fighting for dominance over one another, you both move in sync. Your torso pressed against his as Hyunjin traps you in between him and the table.
One of Hyunjin’s hands falls down your arm, gently caressing your side before picking up your thigh to push you to sit on the table. He pushes you back.
“Hyunjin - ah… We can’t…” You mumble out breathily as he kisses the sides of your lips. His lips instantly connect back with yours.
“And here… I thought… you were standing so strong and proud,” Hyunjin chuckles darkly, whispering out the words in between wet kisses. His usual self coming back, and your brows furrow. “But… no. You’re letting me… do this… without fight.”
Your head cranes back as Hyunjin’s lips drag down to your neck. Licking wet strips up and down your neck, suckling on the sensitive skin and pressing wet, sloppy kisses to your skin. You bite back a moan.
“You said you wouldn’t do anything…” You whimper out, and Hyunjin chuckles against your neck.
“Maybe, but you’ve passed the point of no return when you kissed back. And here I thought you’d punch me in the face,” Hyunjin laughs against your skin, moving you so your legs are spread for him to press more and more against you.
“Maybe I should’ve,” you whisper out in one breath.
“Mmh, but you know you like it, baby,” Hyunjin smirks.
“What happened to you wanting to talk?” You breath out, your breath moans getting louder, and you bite your lip to hold your voice back.
“You ruined it,” Hyunjin grumbles, nibbling on your skin briefly.
“Fuck you…” you grumble, your arms wrapping around his neck unconsciously.
“Already, hmm? Impatient, are we?”
“Fuck off…!” You groan at his dumb joke, and Hyunjin laughs against you. “But… seriously, Hyunjin… Wait… I’m still a virgin.”
Hyunjin’s head snaps up, his brows furrowed. “You’re a what, again?”
“A virgin, dumbass.”
“Are you saying you want to have sex-..”
“Hyunjin! Don’t take this so lightly. I’ve never done it with anyone before, and I definitely wasn’t planning on someone like you being my first,” you admit, and Hyunjin cocks a brow at you.
“You’ll regret those words. I’ll make sure this is a night for you to remember,” Hyunjin snaps, his words dark, and you swallow. “But, I need you to let me know that you want me, too.”
“Goddamn it, Hyunjin,” you groan, and your hand grips a lock of his hair, pulling his back so he can look clearly at you, “I want you to fuck me, Hyun - ah…”
A smirk creeps up on his lips, and you watch the way his Adam’s apple bobs when he swallows his spit, and you let go of his hair, and his head dives back into your neck. Not exactly going back to kissing you, but resting his lips there. He mumbles out, “I never thought I’d hear those words come out of your pretty mouth.” And neither did you. You tried to deny it, telling yourself that it’s a spur of the moment idea. But, right now, again, you can’t push Hyunjin away. Your body won't let you.
Fuck it, your mind screams, and you let your legs wrap around Hyunjin’s waist. His hands find themselves caressing your thighs, your waist and back as his lips start moving again over your neck. The sensation sending constant chills up and down your spine, causing your back to stiffen and arch at the new feeling erupting in your core. You’ve masturbated before, that’s not the issue. But, being in the control of somebody gave you a whole new stimulation with even having to be touched too much. A new spark of intensity.
Hyunjin’s hands are rough, yet cautious. Trying not to go too far, but obviously trying not to pull away himself.
He eventually pushed your shoulders lightly, but with enough force to push your back flat against the old art table. He’s still standing, but he’s leaning over you, his hands on either side of your head and his pelvis nearly pressed against yours, standing in between your legs.
His warm hands move slowly underneath your shirt. Your back lifts at the feeling of his hands meeting your untouched skin, and you let out a hoarse breath as Hyunjin sucks on the skin below your jaw. Your head tilting to the side to give him the access he needed. Your neck craning, and your eyes flutter shut from the bliss. Your lips parting in a silent moan. Too embarrassed to actually make too much noise. Hyunjin’s hands move up the sides of your bare waist, carrying your shirt and hoodie with it. He parts from your neck to look up at you, his hands coming to a sudden halt.
You only glare over to him before you take your shirt and hoodie yourself, peeling it quickly off and over your head and tossing them to the side, trying to make it onto another table, but it landed on the floor. You could care less. Hyunjin’s eyes immediately dart down to stare at your semi - exposed torso. You bite your bottom as Hyunjin’s hand eases up, poking at the wire of your cherry pink bra. “Pink? Cute.”
“Shut up,” you mumble out, and Hyunjin’s eyes flicker up to meet yours.
“Hmm, that’s not gonna happen and you know that.” Hyunjin winks at you, and you roll your eyes before your head falls back again. Hyunjin’s wet lips come back to your neck, but this time, he starts pressing slow, wet kisses down your neck. Over your collarbone and chest before over the bump of your breasts. You watch him with nervous eyes as Hyunjin presses wet kisses over the skin of your breasts. The feeling of the sensitive, untouched skin being no longer untouched is euphoric. However, he doesn’t take off your bra, most likely since you’re in the old art room and being completely nude would be a bit too overbearing and overwhelming for both of your likings.
You thought Hyunjin was going to stop there, but no. He kept on kissing down, now going over your stomach. Your heartbeat got louder and louder as he kept going down. His warm mouth pressing warm kisses to you before moving down, the area before being shadowed by the cold air.
Your breath got caught in your throat when Hyunjin’s fingers loop around the loose hem of your jeans. His eyes darting up to look at you briefly. But, this time, he doesn’t wait for you to take them off. One finger undoes the first button before he swiftly moves out of the way to pull them down. Your legs try to clamp shut, but Hyunjin’s knee jerks up, stopping them from closing. Your panties don’t match your bra, since they’re black and not as fancy. However, Hyunjin doesn’t seem to care at all.
Your pink face watches as Hyunjin tosses your jeans to the side, with the rest of your clothes.
“Hyunjin - ah…” You utter out, and Hyunjin’s eyes flicker up to meet yours, one brow raising in question.
“I’m going to eat you out,” Hyunjin gives you a sarcastic smile, and you don’t have the willpower to roll your eyes. Your pussy is already sopping wet, and you hold back the urge to throw yourself on top of him. You’re not surprised by how blunt he is, but it’s still nerve wracking for you. “Don’t be scared. You’ll be perfectly fine.” He reassures, and you know you’re fine. That you’re safe, but, as said before, you were so nervous.
You watch as Hyunjin dips between your legs, getting on his knees on the floor, perfectly level with you. He looks from your wet panties to you for a moment before he presses a firm kiss to your clothed cunt. Your hips jut up from the sensitivity of it, your legs trying to clamp shut, but Hyunjin’s hand is quicker. His hand flush against your thigh. He smirks against you, pressing another feather light kiss to your clothes pussy once more before he licks up it, firmly pressing his tongue against you, sending your hand to your mouth to hide your choked moans.
However, Hyunjin’s hand flies up to pull your arm down, grumbling out, “Don’t be fucking quiet this time, (Y/N).”
“We’re in a fucking classroom, Hyunjin, I have to be!” You let out a throaty groan as Hyunjin licks another long, slow strip over your panties.
“All the teachers are gone. God, relax,” Hyunjin laughs bitterly, and you shoot him a confused look.
“You planned this didn’t you?” You snarl, propping yourself, and Hyunjin cocks a brow, his long fingers hooking around the hem of your pantines. You tried to close your legs, but they’re blocked by Hyunjin’s hands. Hyunjin only shoots you glare before pulling down your panties, and you gasp when your sopping pussy meets the cold air of the old art room.
“Ha,” Hyunjin scoffs, one of his fingers moving up to grace itself over the smooth, all too stimulative and sensitive skin around you, making your hips jutter, “No matter how mad you try to make yourself, you’re still dripping wet like a bitch in heat. Didn’t know I turned you on so much, sweetheart.”
“I’ll kill you,” you snap, but your hand goes to grip the edge of the table.
“You’ll love me after this,” Hyunjin winks at you again.
“I doubt it,” you backfire, and Hyunjin’s brow raises. A challenging smile on his face as his lips near your throbbing womanhood. So close, you could feel his breath fanning you. Hyunjin holds eye contact with you as his lips make contact with your warm, wet cunt. Your head falls back when you feel Hyunjin’s tongue against your clit. You let out a breathy moan and your hand flies down to tug at Hyunjin’s hair.
Hyunjin doesn’t go slow. He’s already teasing your hole with his middle finger as he licks and suckes around your pussy. His lips and tongue working wonders no toy you’ve ever owned ever could. The explicit sounds he makes turn you on even more, his eyes fluttering shut to focus on his mouth’s movement more than your face, which is tilted back. Your back arches from the pleasure, and you let out delicate moans as Hyunjin’s lips satisfy your throbbing pussy, giving it the attention it’s been craving.
Hyunjin slowly eases one finger into you, and your hips buck onto it. Hyunjin chuckles against you at your movement and raises a hand to press against your gut, pushing you down and holding you there as he lapped up your flowing juices while his finger inserts inside you. His knuckles soon flush against you, slowly twisting his hand inside you as you push yourself against him. Chills running through your body as Hyunjin’s tongue presses against your sensitive clit.
“Oh, god, Hyunjin…!” You moan out when he presses another finger into you. Your eyes squeezing shut as your trembling hands grip Hyunjin’s hair, your legs resting over his shoulders as he begins to thrust his fingers into you at a decently fast pace. His long fingers penetrate your tight, virgin hole. Pumping them in and out quickly, and you clench around him.
Your hands that grip Hyunjin’s hair pulls him further towards you, trying to get more and more of his tongue on you. Your hips grinding down on his fingers as your mind fogs from the pleasure. Now, you don’t care that it’s Hwang Hyunjin, you’re just loving the pleasure he’s providing you. You neck cranes, almost as if trying to pull away from how sensitive you were and how Hyunjin was abusing that.
However, when he enters a third finger, stretching you out, you feel your orgasm nearing. You clench around his fingers, your moans getting louder. Now, the thought of a teacher overhearing your explicit moans clearing from your head, your mind relaxing on the thought. All you can think of is how high you’re getting from the pleasure.
“Hyunjin… Hyunjin, I’m gonna cum soon… Hyunjin - ah, mmh,” one hand reaching up, the back of your hand pressing against your lips. Hyunjin doesn’t slow down. His hands move faster, and his mouth sucks at your clit. Your back begins to arch, your climax dangerously close.
But, it doesn’t come.
Hyunjin’s hands pull out of your pussy and he stands up when your back twitches, about to throw itself up when your climax hits. You look at Hyunjin with wide, glossy eyes. Sweat dripping down your forehead. Your legs twitch from the lost orgasm.
“What the fuck, Hyunjin?” You snap, and Hyunjin wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, giving you a raised brow and a smirk.
“You don’t get to cum, yet,” Hyunjin climbs over you again, trapping you down underneath his arms as he pushes himself in between your legs, and you could feel how hard he was just by a small brush of his bulge against your thigh. “Now, be good for me and take my cock like a good slut.” Your back stiffens from the vulgar slur, but it only makes your oversensitive pussy even wetter.
Hyunjin is quick when he lets his pants drop down with his boxers, and his dick springs free. His achingly red cock pressing against his stomach. As you look from his cock to his eyes, you feel waves of fear spring over you. However, Hyunjin’s soft touch on your face calms your nerves. His other hand pumps his member a few times before the tip it teases against your folds.
“Fuck, you’re so goddamn wet,” Hyunjin groans, and you don’t answer, watching as Hyunjin slowly pushes himself into you, raw. Your head falls from the feeling, and Hyunjin’s mouth falls open, letting out a breathy groan as he eased himself into you. Your throbbing womanhood getting used to such a feeling. Once his pelvis bone is pressed against your ass, he stays there like that for a moment, and you get used to his size.
After a few moments of the sounds of both of your loud breaths, Hyunjin’s face nears yours, and your eyes flicker open to stare into his dark eyes. “I’m gonna start movin’, (Y/N),” he warns, and you nod.
“Please…” You grumble, and Hyunjin’s lip rises in a smirk.
“Please?”
“Move… Fuck me hard, Hyunjinnie. I can’t take it anymore. It’s about time you stopped fucking teasing me, huh?” You growl out, irritated.
Hyunjin’s smirk drops to a frown, and his hand grips your cheeks harshly, “Watch your tone with me, (Y/N). You can be so fucking proud, and that’s one of the reasons I wanna hate you. But, you’re too irresistable not to fuck until you’re screaming my name and begging for more.” And, after that, he ever so slowly pulls out of you before ramming himself back into you. So harshly and aggressively, it moves the whole table enough to where it creaks on it’s old legs. You let out a loud, inevitable moan that forces its way out of your lips.
Hyunjin does that a few times, and he throws his head back because of the pleasure. His face drowned in lust, and you clung to the table. A new burning sensation in your core as Hyunjin’s dick rams into your pure walls, deriving them from their innocence. You’re heat clenches around him as he pulls himself in and out of you. Slowly driving himself out before ramming into you.
But, he doesn’t do that for long when he starts to find a fast rhythm. One hand gripping your thigh while the other holds himself up on the table. He’ll sometimes let out breathy grunts or groans, but you’re on the verge of screaming out from how fast he was going. His cock burning your walls, sending a new sensation through you. It’s painful, but you’re loving it so much. You’re loving the burn, the penetration, everything.
Your eyes are closed, pure ecstasy running through you as your hands move up to wrap your arms around Hyunjin’s neck, pulling him close to you and into a kiss. He doesn’t hesitate to kiss you back. Both of your mouths open to crash your tongues together in bliss as your legs wrap around Hyunjin loosely. His hips stay consistent, but your hips twitch and stutter. Your back stiffening and twitching, pressing tight against Hyunjin’s clothed torso as he kisses you. One of his hands guiding up to harshly caress your cheek, jaw and neck. His long fingers tugging lightly at your hair as your hands screwed with Hyunjin’s hair. Running through it, gripping it, even tugging it sometimes.
“Oh my fucking god, (Y/N),” He moans against your lips, moving away to rest his lips against your neck as he groans, his hips stuttering slightly, throwing him off his rhythm, “You’re pussy’s so fuckin’ good. Feels so fuckin’ good.” You moan out in response, too lost in desire, lust and euphoric, blissful pleasure to form something as simple as a response. Your mind so blank, nothing running through your mind other than how Hyunjin’s cock makes your pussy feel so fucking good. How he makes you feel so fucking good. The way it’s overstimulated and edged on, it’s almost overwhelming to the point you want to cry from the stimulation.
You begin to moan, nearly screaming out Hyunjin’s name as you feel your climax nearing, clenching helplessly around his cock. “Hyunjin… Hyunjin! Oh, fuck, Hyunjin - ah, I’m gonna cum! Please, oh god, please, I wanna cum so… ah! - so fuckin’ bad…” Your words are slurred, but enough for Hyunjin to make out.
“Mmh… Cum for me, baby. Cum on my cock, baby girl,” your back arches, flush against Hyunjin’s body as your gut erupts with a new feeling. Your neck cranes as your eyes open, rolling into the back of your head as your mouth opens in a silent scream. Cumming all over Hyunjin’s cock as he stops his thrusts, deep inside you to let you cum. Your mind hazing as you let out a string of high - pitched moans. Your body twitches and your knuckles turn white from gripping Hyunjin’s tee shirt.
Once you’re halfway through your climax, nearing the part where your whole body relaxes, Hyunjin quickly pulls out. Getting up from you, and your arms drop to your side as you breath heavily, coming down from your high. Hyunjin pumps his cock fast in his hands. Not slowing down whatsoever as his eyes squeeze shut. You watch his face as his mouth opens, moaning loudly as he cums over your stomach.
Once he is down from his climax, he breathes heavily. Sweat dripping down the side of his forehead. Your head falls back, your eyes closing as exhaustion then waves over your body. Catching your breath.
You didn’t even notice Hyunjin leaving shortly to grab an old cup from the counter and fill it with water before coming back. Dipping his fingers in the water to wipe his cum off of you. You jump at the sensation, but relax when you see Hyunjin’s distant, wistful smile. You watch as he wipes it off, making sure it’s clean before dumping the cup in the sink. Your heart quickens as Hyunjin puts on his clothes before he walks over to grab your clothes and silently help you put them on. He doesn’t really make eye contact with you, but it’s a comfortable silence. The first ever comfortable silence you’ve had with him.
It’s then, as he helped wipe you clean, dress you and make sure you were already by wiping the sweat off of your face with the back of his hand that Hyunjin wasn’t who you thought he was. Everything’s not as it seems. The way he smiles so adoringly at you as he brushes the back of his hand against your cheekbone ever so lovingly makes you feel conflicted with feelings.
At some point, Hyunjin lays down next to you on the art table. It’s quiet for a few minutes, both of your just staring at the ceiling, shoulders and legs touching.
“I’m in love with you, (Y/N).” He whispers, and you finally look over to him. He wears a delicate smile, and a tear trickles down the side of his face, “I really shouldn’t. I really don’t know why, but I do.” His voice cracks at the end of his sentence, and you swear your heart shattered right there. “I… I shouldn’t have had sex with you. It’s only making everything worse for me. It’s making everything hurt so much more.”
He sits up, wiping his face, turning his back from you. He sniffs softly, letting out sharp breaths as his back trembled from his hoarse breathing.
You sit up, too. Reaching over to put your hand on his shoulder, but you hesitate.
No. If Hyunjin isn’t really who you thought he was, you want, you need to get to know the real him.
So, you make up your mind.
You get off of the table to move in front of him, and he tries to move away, his hands covering his red face. You gently grip his hands, pulling them away from his face. And it’s a sight you thought you’d never have to see. His eyes are red, his face wet and pink from the tears staining his face. It’s such a pitiful look on him, and you thought you’d never, ever see him so vulnerable. He keeps him looking down, trying to pull his hands away, but you have a tight grip on them.
“Look at me, Hyunjin.” You demand in a soft, yet firm voice. Hyunjin doesn’t for a moment, and you were about to repeat yourself, but Hyunjin’s eyes lock with yours. You give him a soft sigh and smile, “Hyunjin. You’ve proved to me that you’re not the person I thought you were. And… if you’re really not the douchebag, fuckboy and absolute asshate that I know, then… then I’ll stay by your side. Alright?”
Your heart hammers against your chest as Hyunjin’s eyes widen slightly, another tear slowly dripping down his face. You let go of one of his hands to gently rub it away with your thumb. Just below his eye. Hyunjin stares at you with wide, doubtful eyes. His lips slightly ajar as his hand trembles in yours.
So, to ease the silence, you press a gentle kiss to his lips. With no tongue, it’s an innocent kiss. He doesn’t kiss back at first, but he does after a moment.
And, the rest of that night was spent in that old art room. Either talking to each other, kissing each other or holding each other that night. You learned a lot about Hyunjin. About why he likes to fuck around, why he thinks he’s in love with you and other things about his life. You also told him a lot about you, about why you didn’t feel right about him at first.
And, by the end of that night, you could easily conclude that you’re in love with Hwang Hyunjin, and that it’s possible to fall in love with someone in the span of one night after years and years of hating each other.
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48 from dialogue prompts + 50 from wordless i-love-yous for geraskier?
Dialogue Prompt 48: “You make me want things I can’t have.” Wordless I-love-you 50: buying them a special treat when you go out shopping
--
It catches Geralt’s eye while he haggles over an outrageously priced jar of alchemy paste with a none-too-impressed herbalist on the outskirts of Novigrad, a buxom widow with thick-braided auburn hair by the name of Irmina.
“This for sale too?” He picks up the brooch from the countertop where it rests in a beam of golden light streaming through a dingy window. He examines it. It’s simple enough metalwork, a brass oval with a scalloped edge, but inlaid in its face is a single pressed yellow flower framed by tiny white blooms encased in resin.
The herbalist’s dour demeanour brightens immediately. “It is indeed!” she answers, her brown eyes shining in a plump, suddenly pleasant face. “Made it myself just last week. It’s something of a hobby of mine, making pretty knick-knacks from the flowers we can’t sell. Got plenty more like this if you’d like to peruse ‘em, master witcher! Forget-me-nots and arenaria, hellebore, violets, any flower you might like.”
A buttercup, he realizes belatedly. That’s the yellow flower in the center.
“No.” He sees Irmina’s brow furrow in offense, so he hastens to appease her. “No need, I’ll take this one. I...I’m partial to buttercups.”
Her freckled face breaks into a sly, knowing smile. “Oh, aye, I’m sure someone is partial to buttercups.” She winks, waving away his stammered attempts at an answer. “Never you mind, I know a man besotted when I see one, and it seems a witcher’s not so different. Tell you what. Fifty crowns for the paste and I’ll throw the brooch in for only ten.”
-
Leaving the herbalist’s shop with an overpriced paste, a lighter purse, and a useless trinket, Geralt curses himself for a fool.
He’s not sure why he bought it.
He knows buttercups are Jaskier’s favorite, of course. “None but the noblest of flowers for my sobriquet!” Jaskier had squawked indignantly when Geralt once made the grave mistake of referring to the pesky things as weeds after he’d stopped Roach from chomping on a patch of the bright, poisonous blooms.
They are weeds, buttercups. They serve no function. They can’t be used in any of the potions, decoctions, or oils Geralt brews, nor do they have any particularly helpful curative properties for humans.
“As ever, my dear witcher, you have no sense of poetry,” Jaskier had sighed in a most put-upon voice when told as much. “Their function is they’re pretty. Their function is to enrich our lives through the beauty of the natural world.” He’d looked to the sky, tip of his tongue between his teeth showing through his frown as was his custom when puzzling through the right way to turn a phrase. “From a strictly utilitarian perspective, perhaps the buttercup has less value than, say, moleyarrow, or verbena, or chamomile, even. Some plants provide nutritional or medicinal or alchemical qualities of various sorts. But some exist to make life worth living! To transform the banal into the sublime.” He’d plucked a buttercup from the roadside, twirling it between his long fingers. “It’s graceful and balanced, effortlessly beautiful. It’s vibrant, bright like...like sunlight, on a summer afternoon! And when you see it growing alongside the various and sundry flora, it fills you with the loveliest burst of warmth, like a lover’s smile.”
“So...it’s a pretty weed.”
“You’re incorrigible, witcher, that’s what you are.” Jaskier had huffed dramatically before tucking the buttercup behind Geralt’s ear, his face alight with a delighted grin.
Like sunlight on a summer afternoon.
-
The Kingfisher Inn is crowded when Geralt arrives. He goes to the bar, orders an ale from Olivier, and leans against the counter to take a look at the stage.
Jaskier loves playing the Kingfisher. In many of the inns he plays across the Continent, he’s relegated to a corner to try to sing over the clang of dinner, his only option to win the common folk over a raucous drinking song or a filthy ditty. And while the bard doesn’t shy away from such vulgarities, the patrons of the Kingfisher tend to be of a more artistically inclined ilk, responding with appropriate gusto to the virtuosic art songs that he rarely performs outside of competitions or Oxenfurt.
Or so he’d explained to Geralt when he’d suggested they meet up at the inn.
Jaskier sits atop a tall stool on a rather large stage framed by crimson curtains, his sky-blue doublet a vivid contrast. The audience, enraptured, listens to his ballad, a melancholy tale of a fair maiden who’s violently killed before she can profess her love to a farmhand in her village, a beautiful, strong, kind man whose hair shines like a blaze of pale fire in the sunlight. Her love for him tethers her to this world, and her spirit—bitter, weary, and endlessly yearning—calls the men working in the fields to join her dance at midday, when the sun is in its zenith, hoping against hope for the chance to finally confess to her beloved.
In the end, the brave, noble farmhand sacrifices himself, hoping to stop the spirit’s killings by listening to her song and joining her as she beckons. And as they are reunited, as she finally kisses the lips she’s longed for in a blinding blaze of sunlight, they pass on together, their spirits becoming one.
It’s a contract Geralt worked a few years ago, a noonwraith outside Oreton—or at least something close. As ever, Jaskier has taken artistic liberties, romanticized the actual events (“Sometimes, in our pursuit of Truth, we must sacrifice the facts,” Jaskier loftily explained on more than one occasion. He seemed quite taken with the profundity he seemed to find in the statement. Geralt called it pretentious once and Jaskier hurled a chunk of bread at his head). Once it might have bothered Geralt, but he’s grown accustomed to Jaskier’s rather malleable relationship with veracity in his ballads. There’s no denying the impact of his storytelling: when Geralt glances around the inn, he sees several patrons discreetly dabbing at their eyes.
It’d been an ugly case, leaving him feeling empty, drained. Noonwraiths haunt his thoughts far longer than most the monsters he dispatches. They’re victims of circumstance more than anything, young women who’ve been transformed into bloodthirsty, violent spirits through no fault of their own, through the violence inflicted upon them. Nearly forty men had fallen prey to her before the farmhand distracted her with his kiss—though Geralt would hesitate to classify his grotesque, gruesome sacrifice as such—so the witcher had a chance to strike her down with silver. Jaskier has spun the miserable tale into something beautiful, moving, something that clearly resonates with his captivated audience, that speaks to a greater force at work than the chaotic, banal evils the witcher sees every day, and Geralt thinks he understands, for a moment, what the bard had told him of Truth and facts.
(Geralt doesn’t know what greater Truth is served by changing the beloved farmhand’s hair from the dull brown it really was to “a blaze of pale fire,” but then, Geralt’s not a poet.)
The final notes hang in the air, all eyes fixed on Jaskier for a rapt, breathless moment before the room bursts into wild applause. Jaskier stands and bows deeply, once, twice, a third time, surveying the room as he offers his thanks. When his gaze catches Geralt at the bar, his expression of showman’s grace vanishes, a flash of something that looks almost alarmed for a split second before it’s replaced by a small, gentle smile.
Geralt nods and raises his mug toward the stage in cheers, draining the remainder. Jaskier is quickly swept into the swarm of captivated fans, accepting their praises with a gracious, if distracted, smile.
The witcher turns back to the barkeep to order himself another ale along with a glass of wine.
“Geralt!” Jaskier swerves to avoid a near-collision with a frenzied barmaid on his way to join his companion at the bar. He grabs the wine glass with a groan of appreciation, taking a swig before asking, “Is this for me? Gods, but you’re a marvel, darling, I thank you.” He takes another sip and sends a disarming, roguish wink to a pair of girls staring at him and giggling to each other. “I wasn’t sure when you’d arrive, but it wouldn’t have mattered, I suppose, they only had one room to let when I checked in and it hasn’t cleared out since. You’ll share mine, of course, but I’ve been here a week so, you know, best brace yourself, I’ve quite made the place my own.”
Geralt snorts. He’s stayed in enough rooms that Jaskier has made his own over the past decade to predict with some certainty what mess he’ll soon venture into.
(Doublets draped over furniture after they’ve been discarded; crumpled sheets of paper tossed near, never in the fireplace; a few near-empty bottles of wine; a shirt hung to dry over the modesty screen between the sleeping and bathing areas; bottles of a dozen oils and perfumes and soaps scattered haphazard near the tub; an unmade bed that may well contain an abandoned undergarment or forgotten stocking left by some well-satisfied guest.)
“Have you eaten? Shall we? I’m starved, felt jittery all afternoon and didn’t eat a damned thing which was all well and good until I got onstage and suddenly wished for a fainting couch. Or we could take your things up to the room first, of course. Oh! We could have them bring our dinner up to us, it’s awfully crowded down here tonight and I’m not sure I’m up to socializing all evening, to be honest, I’ve been dreadfully out of sorts, did you notice, Geralt, that I’ve…”
Jaskier continues his ramblings, and the witcher can’t help a twinge of worry for his friend. It’s not unheard of for Jaskier to be in a heightened state over a particularly important performance, but usually afterwards the nerves dissipate and he seems more himself. Not to mention, why would playing in an inn prompt such anxieties? Even if the Kingfisher clientele trends toward the more refined than the country folk he often plays for, it’s still rather a low-stakes environment to trigger such stress.
“New song?” he asks casually. Jaskier always beams when he notices such things, when he makes an effort to ask about his music.
Instead, Jaskier blushes, looking away with an expression that almost seems guilty. “Ah, yes, well, I wasn’t certain when you’d be arriving, of course, I thought I might try out something different, a sort of test audience, as it were, to feel out the piece before I use it for anything important.” The look he’s fixed on Geralt seems almost wary. “Did you...like the song?”
Geralt shrugs. “Not quite how it happened,” he grumbles, out of habit more than anything.
A smile, genuine and rueful, breaks out on Jaskier’s face. “Gods, I’ve missed you, my friend,” he says, shaking his head and looking away quickly.
“Hmm.” He reaches quickly into the coin pouch at his side, thrusting the trinket from the herbalist into Jaskier’s hand with a brusque, “Here.”
“Whatever have we got…” He cuts off as opens his palm. “Oh.”
There have been so few times over the years that Geralt has seen Jaskier speechless that he begins to worry he’s offended him. He turns the brooch over in his hands, once, twice, his thumb swiping gently over its smooth enamel face. He doesn’t look up.
Even in the crowded room, Geralt can smell the shift in his demeanor, the muted sickly-sweet anxious smell becoming something sharp, metallic, pained, like he’s been stabbed. “You’re upset.”
“I...no.” Jaskier shoves the brooch into his trouser pocket, a tense smile on his face, not at all reaching his eyes. “Thank you, Geralt, it’s lovely. Shall we take your bags to the room now?”
“I didn’t...I didn’t get it to upset you.”
Jaskier laughs, a broken thing, and Geralt grows even more alarmed. “You didn’t, it isn’t that, sometimes I want things I can’t have is all.” He grabs the saddlebag sitting at Geralt’s feet, not meeting his eyes as he rushes past him up the stairs to the last bedroom in the hall.
Geralt follows after a moment, giving his companion a respectful distance. There’s a tightness in his shoulders, a knot in his gut that only grows as he watches Jaskier’s hand tremble on the key as he unlocks the door.
It was a stupid idea. He knew it was stupid when he bought it, yet he bought it anyway, somehow ruined everything anyway.
“Here we are.” Jaskier’s voice is filled with a forced cheer as he sets the bag down, hand never leaving the doorknob. “I’ll go fetch us some supper. Or, actually, you know, now that I think of it, I’ve a few errands to run before it gets too late, meant to do it earlier but you know how it goes, lost track of time…”
“Jaskier.” Geralt moves toward him but stops himself, helpless. “Please. I’m sorry I upset you.”
Jaskier stands in the doorway for another moment. He takes a deep breath, closes the door, and walks slowly to the writing desk in the corner. He pulls the chair out, moving the doublet strewn across it before sitting. He doesn’t look at Geralt.
“You didn’t.” Every word is calculated, deliberate. “What kind of ungrateful wretch gets upset over...over an exceptionally thoughtful gift from a friend after a time apart?”
Geralt sits on the edge of the bed. His elbows rest on his knees, fingers locking together as he stares at the floor. “You’re not a wretch. The fault is mine.”
“Dammit, Geralt, there isn’t fault, I only—why did you bring me a gift?”
Geralt frowns. “I’ve bought you things before,” he says slowly.
“Things, yes!” Jaskier vaults from the chair, pacing listlessly about the room, no longer trying to mask his inexplicable distress. “Lute strings when I broke a string and I was low on coin. The lute is my livelihood, it made financial sense for you to replace the string so I could pull my own weight, help you when we pass through several towns in a row with no contracts. Boots when you noticed the hole in the heel of my old pair, because I slow you down limping about in footwear that’s falling apart. Room and board, sometimes, because you know I’m good for it, I’ll cover you the next time.” He’s stopped pacing, stares silent into the fireplace.
“Wasn’t keeping a tab.” Geralt’s voice is quiet. “You needed strings and boots and food and a room.”
Jaskier doesn’t turn to face him, but Geralt sees his hand slip into his pocket, pull out the brooch. His head bends, studying it.
He’s not offended or annoyed or angered by the gift. He’s hurt. But why?
Except...
Jaskier looked guilty when Geralt brought up the song. Like he’d been caught red-handed. Did you like it? he’d asked. Incredulous.
The noonwraith singing her song in hopes that her beloved hears her confession. That he’ll hear her song of longing and come to her.
Hair like a blaze of pale fire, not dull brown.
Sometimes I want things I can’t have.
“Geralt?”
The witcher snaps back to attention, eyes fixed on Jaskier, finally facing him.
“Why did you get it for me, Geralt?”
Geralt frowns. “It’s...pretty,” he starts lamely. “I thought you might wear it when you play. You wear gaudy things.”
Jaskier snorts, a small, crooked grin on his lips.
“It made me think of you,” he confesses quietly, his eyes tracing the wood grain of the floor. “Sometimes...things don’t have to have a function. It was a buttercup and it was pretty and it…made me think of you.”
When Geralt dares to raise his eyes, Jaskier’s staring at him, brows drawn together and mouth slightly agape. After a moment, he walks toward the witcher, sitting carefully beside him on the bed. He reaches his hand towards Geralt’s and presses the little brooch into his palm.
“Will you pin it on me?” he asks softly.
Geralt nods.
His fingers feel thick and clumsy as he fumbles with the delicate clasp. The top few buttons of Jaskier’s doublet, as ever, are undone, but it closes neatly just beneath his exposed neck. Geralt slips a finger beneath the satin fabric to pull it away from his throat, cautiously piercing the fabric with the thin pin and sliding it into its slot, locking the clasp with shaking hands.
His hand doesn’t move from Jaskier’s chest. A sword-calloused thumb, seemingly of its own volition, grazes lightly over the bobbing Adam’s apple.
“Geralt.”
He looks up, almost pulls away but for the flushed cheeks, the tongue that darts out to wet pink lips, the hooded eyes beneath dark lashes fixed on Geralt’s mouth. Jaskier’s breath is warm against his face. When did they draw so close?
“Are you going to kiss me, Geralt?” The breathy whisper is laced with wonder.
And he didn’t...didn’t buy the brooch to entice Jaskier into anything, didn’t mean to solicit any sort of reward, and he opens his mouth to tell him so, yet as his rough hand moves to gently cup the back of Jaskier’s neck the words that tumble out instead are, “I’d like to.”
And Jaskier throws back his head and laughs, a euphoric, intoxicated sound, as his lovely hands cradle Geralt’s face. He brings his forehead to rest against Geralt’s as they still, breathing each other for a moment before Jaskier surges forward to capture his lips.
His kiss tastes like sunlight.
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Ignore me, unless I’m right in which case I fucking called it
So I was rewatching the episode for the fourth time and one I realized that Remus is much much smarter than we give him credit for and two I can generally predict how the rest of the story is gonna go.
We’re gonna have another aside video with Patton and Janus before the big season finale, and that aside is going to be one of the most important videos to the general progression of the plot.
I’m sure you’ve noticed the pattern so far, two sides who diametrically oppose each other being forced to work together on a problem they vastly disagree about, usually turning the small issue into something much messier than it ever would be and them learning something about themselves in the process.
Each pairing exists to point out to the viewer exactly what issues exist with each side that need some form of resolving, and the big unifying theme amongst them is “you’re not listening to me”. Roman and Virgil dragging Thomas across the cafeteria in favor of or agains him talking to Nico, Logan and Remus deliberately ignoring and working to undo the others work in an attempt to break Thomas out of the depressive funk he found himself in. Nobody is working together here. The only side to even remotely cooperate with the group was Virgil body checking Thomas into Nico, and it took him and Roman bullying each other and Thomas for an entire video to even get to that point.
Watching Logan and Remus interact, one, brought me immense joy and I will be chasing that high for weeks to come, and two, after an ounce of critical thinking was frankly painful to watch. Any critiques Logan offered to Remus were immediately discarded with absurdity and any critiques Remus offered to Logan were discounted as absurd.
During the obvious scene at the end with the Eyes™️, Logan claimed he wasn’t pretending Remus didn’t exist, but honestly, he kinda was.
The Dunce Cap Scene really accentuates this point. Logan pulls a holier than thou, why won’t you learn I’m always right, bullshit passive aggressive remark, Remus does his dramatic repenting student shtick, starts singing directly into Logan’s ear, and makes a kink joke. Literally the words Remus sings are “can’t fix this guy, all by yourself”. Remus is saying this inches from Logan’s personal face and even still the logical side ignores him outright, because of all the fluff around the message. Hell, in Remus’s introduction video, Logan likens him to a screaming baby on a plane, essentially saying “well eventually he’ll stop screaming so just bear with it for a while and you’ll be fine”. He’s ignoring Remus outright due to a preconceived notion and missing out on valuable information because of it.
The dunce cap scene indirectly calls back to learning new things about ourselves, where Logan is completely unreceptive to the puppet bit because of its perceived absurdity and absolutely refuses to acknowledge any potential the medium might have for learning until he physically cannot anymore.
Remus is capable of, and does often, make valid points and offers genuine critiques of shit happening in their lives. In Forbidden Fruit, almost every single line harkens back to some idea the other sides had been trying, and failing, to communicate to Thomas. “Good and bad is all made up nonsense”, “if you shared those musings with your friends i doubt they would forgive you”, “why deny yourself knowledge, say, knowledge of yourself” “people don’t like me much, Thomas, but that only just cause I’m honest”, “these sorts of things are only thought in the mind of a man who’s soul is truly rotten.”
Despite all of this, he is ignored outright because of his medium. Just like Logan is ignored due to his monotone cadence and large volume of content, just like Roman is due to his flair for the dramatic and artistic display of ideas, just like Patton is due to his playful and childlike nature, just like Janus is due to his perceived role as the Villain, just like Virgil /was/ due to his perceived role as the villain.
They all have become accustomed to being stepped on by the other sides because of who they are and how they communicate, and have in turn learned some less than ideal methods of being heard again. Logan yells and gets passive aggressive, Remus ups the fear factor for everyone around him, Roman shuts down anyone who tries to talk through bullying and raising his voice, Patton manipulates the others into feeling guilt and covers it up with a smile, Virgil whips out the tempest tongue and incites fear in Thomas, and Janus physically silences anyone in his way.
And here’s why I say the next asides episode is going to be the most important one developmentally. Patton and Janus are going to be forced to work together. Patton, who is in the midst of an identity crisis, and willing to listen to any new ideas provided they offer a valid solution to the shit he’s found himself in, and Janus, who knows a lot more than he’s willing to let on, who concerns himself exclusively with Thomas’s self preservation, and loves to talk when given the opportunity. Janus is gonna have a thing or two to say to Patton when they’re inevitably faced with their moral dilemma, and Patton is going to be in just the right mindset that he’s willing to listen. And Janus is going to end up being right, and the small issue they’re facing will be resolved, which will therefore strengthen Patton’s trust, and his openness to changing for the better.
Patton is goofy, and childish, and kinda ditzy sometimes, and because of that we as a fandom tend to overlook any of his moments that are anything but that, but we are not giving this man enough credit. When Patton sets his heart on something, he throws his whole self into it, and is willing to stand up for his beliefs in the face of extreme opposition, and would gladly do anything in his power to defend his family. Once Patton decides that he’s willing to grow, and if he believes that this growth will help put his family back together, nothing can stop him, and that will be absolutely crucial for the growth of all the other sides around him.
Whatever him and Janus discuss during their aside will absolutely give Patton the information he needs to help stitch together the rift between everyone.
I predict the next official Sanders Sides video is going to be the longest one yet, possibly over an hour long, because there’s a LOT of work that is going to need to be done, and Everyone is going to be in it. The big issue of “you’re not listening to me” won’t be resolved, but it will be acknowledged in a serious light by everyone. We won’t be getting any appearances from the Orange Side I don’t think, that would end up just complicating matters even more when each character is already incredibly shaky in their own identity.
Something less than ideal is gonna happen between Thomas and Nico, he’s gonna summon the initial three to deal with the matter but the other lads are gonna worm their way into the discussion, everyone’s gonna start screaming at each other, and Pattons gonna do something that stuns everyone else into silence (I’m guessing he’ll start crying, considering the start of season two was all about him repressing negative emotions and what better way to show character growth than to sob openly on camera).
Once everyone just fucking stops for ten seconds that’s when the apologies start. None of the sides are ever the first to apologize, we’ve seen that time and time again. Their desire to be in the right as well as their pride will always get in the way, however if someone starts the apology train everyone will eventually follow suit. We see that in Alone On Valentines Day, My Negative Thinking, Growing Up, Accepting Anxiety, Fitting In, Moving On, actually in pretty much every video where an apology actually takes place, once one person apologizes the other will immediately follow suit.
Patton is gonna be a goddamn mess, he’s gonna apologize to everyone in the room for anything he thinks he may have done to wrong them, and that’s gonna be what gets everyone to acknowledge all the shit they’ve put each other through, and the others are going to jump between trying to console him and trying to apologize to each other. They’re going to come to the unified decision that they need to work together more on future issues, the group is all going to offer up a solution and decide together on a remedy to whatever happened together between Thomas and Nico, and that will be that. Season three will be about them finding the balance between stepping on toes and being stepped over, while also working out how the orange side fits into everything.
Thus marking the end of my rant.
I started writing this at 2 and it’s now 4. I have to be up in three hours. I have an essay due at 3pm tomorrow that I haven’t started, but instead I typed up all this bullshit. I hope any of this made any sense, and I hope this is a suitable replacement for my emotions essay that’s completely untouched because chances are this is what I’m presenting to my therapist tomorrow. Wish me luck.
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Death Does Not Discriminate Between the Sinners and the Saints
Part 1
Tony Stark x Male Demon Reader
Word Count: 3361
This is for the amazing @charliedakotariley who keeps absolutely making my day with all the sweet things they say.
This one is a bit angsty, but there is fantastic tooth rotting fluff at the end for anyone who gets that far. Keep yourselves safe and don't read anything that will make you go down a bad path.
Warnings: The title kind of says it, we are going to be dealing with the concept of a loved one dying in this. NO-ONE ACTUALLY DIES.
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Y/n had known for months now that something was wrong with Tony. They had gotten past the hurdle of Tony's new self-consciousness thanks to the arc reactor that was a part of him now, or at least Y/n thought they had. He had spent weeks reassuring Tony (in and out of bed) that he still found him attractive.
Of course, the rest of the world would be surprised to see Tony Stark be self-conscious about anything, but they didn't know him like Y/n did. He found Tony's public persona to be hilarious. As a literal demon he loved to watch Tony wind up anyone who thought they could get under his skin.
That had been a surprise to Y/n. He had approached Tony at a party one night for a little bit of fun. Hey, he wasn't about to censure himself, he was a demon. Fun was what he did best.
As cliche as it is, Y/n hadn't expected to fall for the dashing young man so many years before. He sighed for at least the tenth time that night. They had been together for years and still no-one had connected the dots.
'Friends my ass,' Y/n snorted as he thought back to that latest tabloid headline, 'or Tony's ass, as the case may be.'
The problem right now was that Tony was avoiding him. Y/n watched disinterestedly as Tony got eye-wateringly drunk at his birthday party.
Y/n was long over the days where all chaos was his preferred fun. That had stopped when he fell properly for the billionaire. He much preferred it when the chaos didn't stem from his boyfriend getting drunk, putting on his Iron Man suit and proceeding to destroy large parts of his home.
Pepper stood beside him looking equal parts furious and worried. She was alternating between biting her fingernails and sighing in frustration. She looked up at the much taller man.
"Isn't there anything you can do to stop him Y/n?"
Y/n's expression soured.
"No, he hasn't told me what's bugging him. He hasn't even looked at me once tonight."
That was when Rhodey came busting in wearing one of Tony's other suits. For a minute Y/n considered getting between them, but then he decided that if Tony couldn't be bothered to even talk to him, then he could get out of his own mess.
It wasn't until Y/n was back in his own apartment staring out into the darkness of the night sky that he realised what it was that had been bugging him.
Tony smelled like death.
----------
Y/n was a man of many talents. As a demon, he had lived for over a hundred years, all the while, seemingly never aging a day. He had been all over the world and met (and ruined) many amazing people. (Thank the devil for the light telepathic abilities he had that allowed him to make people see him as human looking. Well, at least more human than he really was.)
He had never once been in love. Until Tony. Y/n was starting to regret not getting closer to other humans over the years, because now he had no idea how to deal with the idea of Tony dying.
What was he going to do? He was a demon, they lived for over a thousand years at least. That was like the lowest natural age to die for a demon. He couldn't live the rest of his life without Tony, he was his everything.
That pulled Y/n up short. When had he fallen so low as to be so affected by the death of a lowly human? But that lowly human was Tony, his adorable chaos-creating boyfriend. He wasn't even dead yet, but Y/n was already acting like he was gone.
A glimmer of a thought flickered through Y/n's head.
There had to be something he could do, instead of sitting back and letting this happen. Tony could NOT die. Y/n wouldn't let it happen, no matter who had to fall in his place.
'How do you stop the death of someone who doesn't even know they are dying. If only there was a google search for something like this.'
Y/n grinned manically. They had healers in Asgard. Some of the best in the universe. He had heard whispers of paths between the realms here on Earth. Heck, he had even used some of them himself, how else did you think he got here in the first place?
Y/n's face set in determination. He could do this. He would stop Tony from dying even if it meant his own death.
He wasn't a demon for nothing after all.
-----------
Getting into Asgard shouldn't have been that easy Y/n lamented as he stepped out into the lush forest that surrounded the portal. He was pretty sure that there was supposed to be some all powerful, all seeing God that watched over the realms. Y/n wasn't sure what to do about that, but figured that if there wasn't a squad of Asgardian guards waiting to arrest/remove him on arrival then he must not be a valid concern.
Y/n bared his teeth at the thought. He considered letting his perception field fall and making a big dramatic entrance, but let it go.
'For Tony.'
Y/n walked as carefully as he could through the forest. It wouldn't do to get all tattered and look even more suspicious than he already would.
Luckily it didn't take more than an hour to get to the edge of the forest, and even more luckily it bordered on the golden city itself.
Y/n stopped to take in the grandeur of the city of Asgard and thought that he must be the only demon to have ever set foot in this realm. How ironic that he wasn't even there to try to destroy it like so many of his kin had dreamed of doing.
No one really paid Y/n much mind as he made his way into the city proper. It turned out Asgardians were taller than humans generally speaking, so Y/n actually fit in better here than on Earth where he just about towered over everyone.
He even saw a couple of other people with skin as pale as his was, and the same white hair. No one had eyes like his though. Y/n knew that his eyes looked like the lava that covered so much of his home realm. They even glowed if he got too emotional.
This realm was so much more open. The streets were wider, there was so much more room to move than on Earth. Y/n was starting to feel like a tourist, gaping at every little thing in the city. That wouldn't help him in blending in, but he couldn't help it. He had the sudden urge to see if he could do a full spin and not knock anything over.
That had been one of the hardest things to unlearn when he first made it to Earth. His long armored tail was pretty unwieldy in such tight enclosed spaces, so he had had to learn to balance all over again with his tail tucked closer to his body. Unfortunately his perception field only changed how people saw him, so if they tripped over his tail and really looked to see what had tripped them, they sometimes saw what he really looked like. Luckily for him, they were usually written off as insane or, as one really unlucky woman found, it was written off as women's hysteria.
Y/n reined that thought back in and tucked it away for later. If he got out of this alive he would think about it later.
Y/n was sure that the best healers would work in the palace, but that would mean trying to sneak in and abscond with a royal physician. That would be noticed much more quickly, and would be met with a much harsher response.
Y/n set his shoulders back in determination. He would just have to be incredibly convincing, or this would go sideways much too quickly.
'Well,' Y/n thought grimly, 'at least that would solve the problem of watching Tony die slowly.'
--------------
The palace was quiet. This was just too odd. Something supernatural must be at work here.
Y/n was starting to freak out. He had made his way into the palace totally unhindered, and even his admittedly amazing luck had never been that good.
He slunk around another corner, still on high alert. Which was why he didn't miss the shimmer in the air that meant something else was in this space with him.
Y/n shot out an arm at it, aiming for the same height as his own neck.
His hand caught around a slimmer neck than his own, and he tightened his grip to almost unbearable for a demon. He wasn't about to underestimate the people of Asgard.
The stories of Asgardians from back on his own realm lauded them as incredibly strong and fast, and able to live as long as demons themselves.
The Asgardian struggled fiercely for a moment, but when it became apparent that Y/n was stronger than them, they slumped and dropped whatever incantation had allowed them to be invisible.
They appeared to be male, and around the same age as Y/n, but then, so had Tony when they had first met.
Y/n shoved the man away from him hard, and took up a fighting stance.
The other man sputtered and heaved in deep breaths to make up for his previous lack, thanks to Y/n. He looked pretty pathetic, laying against the wall, black hair falling over his face, which was red from lack of air.
"Why have you brought me here mage?"
The man looked up, affecting a surprised expression.
"What makes you think I have brought you here? Are you not an assassin, here to remove either the King or Crown Prince? Both are in the throne room, if you were interested."
Y/n remained in his stance, passive.
"I have the feeling that you know why I'm here already."
The man pulled himself up at last.
"Fine, I might have sensed you when you first stepped foot in our realm. I must say, I haven't seen anyone from Helheim before. Whatever are you doing here, a place that some have dubbed the promised land, home of the Gods?"
"You don't half think highly of yourself, do you?"
The man's response is a sneer.
"I need help."
Y/n stood up from his stance. It didn't feel like this man was going to attack him, and he could hardly ask for help much less receive it while preparing to attack.
He definitely gave off an odd vibe, but it wasn't an 'I'm about to kill you and all of your family just for breathing near me' vibe.
The man looked positively delighted.
"A demon of Helheim needs help," He crowed. "What can I, the humble Loki of Asgard, do to help you Oh Great Demon of Helheim?"
Y/n's left eye twitched, but he reigned himself in once again. Just because Loki seemed like he would benefit from a good smack upside the head, that didn't make it his job to deliver it.
"My, paramour, is in need of a healer. We do not have the ability to heal him, and I will not see his life ended without every attempt having been made to save it."
Loki apparently noticed the pause at the beginning of my request.
"My, my, what type of paramour could you possibly have that would warrant such a delicately put request? Surely not another demon, I thought you were nigh on indestructible?"
He was wandering around Y/n now, getting closer in his circling, all the better to whisper intimidatingly in his ear.
"Perhaps, to be in such desperate need of rescue that you, a demon, would risk everything by coming here of all places, your 'paramour' is something a little more frail?"
Y/n took it back, Loki was pure evil. He grit his teeth and squashed the urge to deck him in his smug face.
"Me thinks, perhaps, something so frail as, a human?"
They stood face to face in silence.
"Your silence speaks volumes my dear."
Y/n lost the battle. With a cry of outrage that came from somewhere deep inside he leapt at the smug God and prepared to smash his stupid face into pieces.
Shockingly his fist simply went through Loki's face. The image rippled and flickered out as it did so.
It flickered back into place beside him.
He spun into a roundhouse kick and the God went down.
"Stop! Dammit, just stop!"
'Some God,' thought Y/n.
"I was sent to get you."
Y/n was done with these so-called Gods and their mind games.
"What do you mean you were sent to get me? Spit it out!"
Loki looked up and glared at Y/n from his position on the floor.
"You were Seen. The moment you stepped foot into Asgard Heimdall Saw you and reported it to the All-Father. Luckily for you Queen Frigga Saw that you weren't here to attack, and that you only sought our help. I was sent to collect you and bring you to her rooms."
------------
The Queen turned out to be much sweeter than Y/n had assumed. He had heard stories of course, but how much could be believed from the daughter who was banished to Helheim?
"Y/n, come, sit. How was your trip dear?"
Y/n was confused. She was acting like they were old friends. As far as he knew he had never met the Queen of Asgard before.
"Ma'am, I'm here for aid. My partner is not long for our home realm. I could smell death on him."
Y/n looked at the ground and clenched his hands into fists.
"I can't lose him. I thought once before that he was gone for good, but he fought tooth and nail to come back to me. Now I am having to sit and watch as something pulls him ever closer to deaths waiting arms. Please, I'll do anything, but please, heal him."
Y/n knew he was begging, but what else could be done. He had thought maybe he could intimidate a regular healer into healing Tony. After that was hazy, but he had been prepared to do anything that would be necessary to make Tony better.
This was not going to plan. He couldn't do anything to make the Queen decide to help him, he would just have to appeal to her softer side.
Frigga knelt by Y/n's side and softly took one of his hands in hers. Her eyes softened as she took in the genuine distress on Y/n's face.
"There is nothing to be done dear. No, don't panic, your loved one is fine. You were right, he was dying, but events have conspired to keep Tony Stark alive. Something needs him still alive, and I am talking about something bigger than you or I. He lives, and at this moment is going just a little bit more out of his mind than normal in his search for you."
Y/n was on his feet and by the door before Frigga had even finished speaking.
"Wait!"
Y/n turned, not wanting to waste another second when he knew that Tony was looking for him, but not able to be disrespectful of the one who had given him hope back.
"Eventually, when you are both ready for that next step, come back and bring your partner. I can organise for one of Idunn's golden apples. You can grow old together."
Tears gathered in Y/n's eyes at the offer.
"But, why? I'm a demon. Tony is a human. Neither of us are anything special. Why are you offering this to us?"
Frigga smiled, beautiful but so broken.
"Because you remind me of someone. So passionate and loyal to the ones who you love that you are willing to flatten entire realms."
Y/n didn't know what to say to that, so he turned back to face Frigga fully. He bowed from the waist to her.
"Thank you Queen Frigga of Asgard. I am in your debt."
Y/n heard her words spoken softly as he left, not entirely for his ears.
"Will you ever forgive us, my dear daughter?"
--------------
Tony was broken. He had thought that the lowest he could get was knowing that he was dying from something that was supposed to be saving his life.
He was wrong. When he had finally come up for air after the whole thing with his arc reactor, Shield and the Hammer Fiasco as he was calling it, he had realised that he hadn't seen Y/n since his disastrous birthday.
He had searched for what felt like forever. Not even Jarvis could find any mention of Y/n anywhere in the world. It was like he had dropped off the face of the planet.
Tony was now spending his time in his boyfriends apartment. He was sure that when he finally came back from wherever he had been, this was one of the first places he would go. He loved his boyfriend, but they were both equally as vain as the other. Any big dramatic entrance back into Tony's life would need to be planned out meticulously by Y/n. So he was sure if he just waited in his apartment he would see him again.
He was not wrong, he realised with rising hope as he heard the door swing open. He poked his head up over the back of Y/n's couch, hair a mess, goatee completely unkempt, knowing that he was wearing rumpled clothes that hadn't been washed in a few days.
In short, he was the only thing that Y/n wanted to see when he got home.
They collided with a slightly painful thump, banging limbs into each other, but not caring in the slightest.
"Oh God, Y/n, I'm so sorry! I--"
"Tony! Thank God you're alright!"
They fell into hysterics at this. Both knew that it wasn't funny at all, but after all the stress they had been through lately, simply being in each others arms was the most amazing feeling in the world.
Neither of them wanted to move, but common sense won out in the end, and they found themselves on the couch some time later.
They had pulled a soft blanket out of somewhere and where wrapped up together, totally unwilling to move for as long as possible.
"I was so scared when I realised you were dying. Why didn't you tell me?"
Tony had never heard Y/n so quiet before. He sighed heavily.
"I wanted to, but then whenever I tried to tell anyone, it wouldn't come out. It was never the right time, and then I realised that I didn't want anyone's last memories of me to be clouded with the knowledge that I was going to die soon. You especially. I didn't want you to have to carry that around, that I was dying and there was nothing you could have done about it."
They were silent for a while after that.
"Maybe that makes me selfish, but I couldn't bear the thought of adding to the hurt you were already going to feel when it happened. God, I'm so sorry."
Y/n just pulled Tony in closer, wrapped him up a little tighter into his arms.
"It's okay, but next time, tell me. I know you remember that I'm a demon. You have the best memory in the world. Next time you have some unsolvable problem, let me in. There might be something I can do that you can't, but even if there isn't, we would still shoulder that problem together. There's nothing I would rather do, than try to help lighten the load."
Tony was crying now, he could feel the tears dripping openly down his face, but he couldn't bring himself to care.
"I love you, so much it hurts. Never leave me."
"I will always love you Tony. You've changed me irrevocably. If there ever was a point where I could have turned away from you, if was long ago. You're never getting rid of me now."
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tokisguitarpick · 3 years
Text
drunken skunk
Characters: Toki Wartooth x Reader
Words: 2500+ holy FUCK 
A/N: hey i written in uhh 1000 years and i just binged metalocolypse on hbomax which apparently unlocked something in me. this fic takes place immediately following fertilityklok because I’ve had a weird amount of experience talking to men who want but for some reason can’t/don’t have children and watching Toki worry about it gave me feelings i just wanted someone to kiss him and tell him he was okay:( so he turned down the woman in the ep, went home and fucked, wakes up and doesn’t actually feel that much better so drinking, smoking, not being understood by his bandmates, leads to going somewhere else to drink, and that’s where we are. i also like the idea that the band members have slutted around so often that even blitz drunk, they’d still be quick and nimble in the sack 
“Y/N, can you come to my office, please?” Charles’s voice came through your cell phone.
You had the phone pressed to your cheek, despite the spikes digging into your shoulder, as you pulled on a pair of socks. When you saw Charles calling you, it was almost always to request you come to his office for a task so it was second nature to get dressed when his name popped up. “Of course, sir.” His thanks were short before the line clicked off and you were left alone to finish getting ready.
_________
Scooting past a masked employees leaving Charles’s office, you stood in front of your boss and nodded when he met your eye over the documents on his desk. “Y/N, thank you for coming. We’ve got a small situation I’m hoping we can keep small.” Your brow furrowed as he picked up his phone and start swiping through it.
“What’s the matter, sir?” you asked.
Charles held up a finger, continuing to swipe until he finally clicked a button and a whaling voice suddenly filled the room.
“Whys is this happening to mes, iS AMS I UGLIES?! Ams I- Ma’am, MA’AMS, AMS I UGLI-“
The silence that followed Charles pausing the recording was deafening. “Um, was that-“
“Toki, yes,” Charles cut you off. “He’s currently at the Drunken Skunk and is living up to the name. I need you to go collect him as discreetly as possible.” As though that was all the information you needed, Charles began looking over the paperwork in front of him again.
You sighed quietly, you hated how little you got told about your tasks since they always spiraled into some kind of crazy mess when the members of Dethklok were involved, but Charles wasn’t one to question. “Yes, sir. Consider it done.”
You turned on your heel and began to head out but when your hand touched the doorknob, Charles spoke again. “Oh, and Y/N? Be careful. Toki has been sensitive since his birthday. Tread carefully.”
Brow furrowed again, you glanced back but Charles was already looking away, eyes on his documents. You wondered what he meant but as always, better not to question him. Stepping into the hallway, you let his office door swing shut behind you as you headed into the night.
___________
The Drunken Skunk was a dingy little bar on the edge of downtown whose usual crowd were streetwalkers and weary men, so it wasn’t crazy that Toki had decided to come here but as you drove closer and closer, you were surprised how dingy it in fact was. It was cheek to cheek with the industrial district, had an empty printing shop on one side, and a storefront covered in plywood on the other. You parked in front of the boarded-up shop and did a quick check on all sides for sketchy characters before you stepped out of the car.
The bar was choked with cigarette smoke, and the stench of stale alcohol and vomit. You frowned, standing in the door while you scanned the dirty room until your eyes fell on a heaving form slumped across the bar. Toki.
His long hair was draped over his shoulders and hung down his back, quivering slightly with each heave. It seemed like he was crying, his head buried in his arms. “AMS I UGLIES?” rang in your ears again and your frown softened. You weren’t sure what had happened, but you had noticed he’d been… off since his birthday.
You had thought it was related to the fake kidnapping that kicked off the party- a horrific and idiotic idea you had spoken out against and were immediately told by Nathan not to be a bitch about- but even that wouldn’t lead to the question of if he was ugly. Would it? The Dethklok members were strange. Five lives full of tragedy and unprocessed trauma all packed into the most popular band in the world made for an uneasy balance in the workplace and living quarters. You were skilled at navigating it when you had to clear up the messes, but you were hardly ever around for the inciting event so it was always tricky to understand how it all connected. 
You approached cautiously and made sure to make a little noise so you wouldn’t spook him. If he heard you, he showed no reaction, so you perched on the bar stool beside him. “Hey, Toki?”
The guitarist lifted his head finally and his red rimmed eyes were bleary when they met yours. “Y/N? Whats is *hic* you doings heres?” His voice was hoarse and thick with tears, a few of which were clinging to his eyelashes and glittered in the dim light. It made his grey-blue eyes shine and your breath caught in your throat. You had to admit, Toki was your favorite member of the band and it had little to do with his musical talent. You weren’t one for metal much anyway.
What drew you to Toki was first his appearance. Back when you were just applying for a position at the record company behind Dethklok, he’d caught your eye on the poster in the lobby. Long hair on men was something of a turn-on and his piercing gaze struck a chord inside you. His angular face and extremely fit build made him one of the hottest members in your opinion but on top of all of that, he was a sweetheart. That wasn’t written on the poster, of course, it was something you’d discovered about a week after you started when he was the only person besides Charles to take the time to learn your name and point your in the right direction. You wouldn’t say you were close but you had a causal friendship, just right for making light conversation during elevator rides and not much else.
“I’m here for you, Toki,” you replied, trying to master a tone that was both soft and cheery. “I came to take you home.”
“Takes me… No! I wants to stay heres. I-I-” His bottom lip started to quiver as he spoke but you put a hand on his shoulder.
“Hey, hey, relax, Toki. It’s just late and I think it’d be good for us to get you into bed,” you gave him a small smile, trying to coax his drunken mind into listening to you. He might be slim but if he tried to fight you on leaving, you’d have your hands full. Maybe you should’ve asked for an escort…
Toki slumped on the bar again with a huff before sliding off his stool towards you, prompting you to hop up quickly to catch him as he stumbled to his feet. He was heavy with alcohol and leaning on you to keep steady, so trudging to the door became a task. Despite having at least half a foot on you, his face was nestling further and further in your hair until you could feel his breath on the back of your neck.
You could feel your cheeks warming but it wasn’t until you got out the door, opened the back of the car, and loaded Toki halfway in that you really had a reason to blush.
“Y/N, ams I uglies?” Toki asked suddenly, looking up at you from under his lashes. He only had his butt on the edge of the car’s bench seat, looking at you with his face inches from yours, and fresh tears welling in his eyes.
Your eyes widened and your blush raged in full. Working around the object of your affection, even when that work was dragging him out of a shitty bar, was easy enough. Being asked directly about it by him was a whole other thing. Swallowing against the sudden knot in your throat, you decided to be honest and lightly shook your head. “No, Toki, not at-“
Anything and everything else you might be about to say was thrown out the window because the moment you said no, Toki launched forward. One hand on your hip, he lifted the other to your shoulder and pulled you to him lightening fast, his mouth finding yours with a squish. In his drunken state, he was a little sloppy at first but his skill began to show itself. His tongue traced the dip between your lips as he pulled you against his chest, your head fogging when he nipped your bottom lip. It was finally enough to coax your mouth open and Toki took full advantage of that fact, squeezing your hip as his other hand, warm and calloused, slipped around your neck and held you to him. Electricity jumped through you when his tongue met yours, twirling together for a moment before he moved on to exploring your mouth with a greedy moan.
“Wa-wait,” you mumbled around his lips. This was moving too fast, or maybe the fact it was happening at all was what was making you feel overwhelmed in the moment. It took everything in you to pull away, a solid percentage of your mind screaming at you to continue, to let Toki think he had control of the situation and see how far you could get with him. But you couldn’t. He was drunk and clearly something was bothering him enough to drink in the first place. You needed to just get him home. Plus if you did anything with Toki, you’d like for him to remember it, too. “Toki, wait.”
Your eyes met his just in time to watch his face crumple. The only way to describe his expression was pure heartbreak. The disappearance of his hands on your body made you miss the weight of them instantly but you hardly noticed, watching him melt right in front of you.
“I ams uglies, I knews it! I knews it!” Desperate and broken, his voice turned your stomach. His shaky hands found his hair and he began tugging on the ends, seemingly unaware of the motion. “No ones will loves me, I’ms hideous, I wills never find love! I wills never finds the mother ofs my childrens!”
While you had been paralyzed with bewilderment, his last sentence only compounded your confusion but brought you back into the moment enough to move again. Toki had cringed away from you, burying his face in the back of the passenger seat while still tugging on his hair, and you hurriedly heaved his long legs into the footwell before shutting the door and jogging around to the other side.
Even sealed in the car, you could hear his drunken crying. It twisted your heart but still, the mother of his children? Is that what he thought of you? Your blush burned your cheeks once more but you shook the thought off. He must’ve been crying about this when he left that voicemail for Charles. But what had happened?
Opening the back door on the other side, you slipped inside and snapped the door closed behind you. Toki seemed worse than before, now holding his face in his hands and heaving with small sobs. “Whats is it, Y/N? Whats makes me so uglies? I can change! I has monies, I can change!”
You furrowed your brows and put a hand on his arm, scooting closer to him. “Toki, you’re not ugly.” Quicker than you expected, his head snapped towards you.
“Then whys do you not likes to kiss me?” His lip started to quiver and you expected another outburst but his eyes stayed locked on you, expecting an answer.
Your mouth was dry and you scrambled for an answer that would keep him from crying again. How had you ended up here? Eyes darting around the car, you quickly mumbled, “I do, I liked the kiss! I jus-“
Once again, the Dethklok guitarist moved faster than you thought in his state. His hands found your face and pulled you up to him, putting you nose to nose with the lanky musician. His eyes were bloodshot and rimmed red from tears but it only exacerbated how bright his stormy irises were. You felt nervous and excited and tingly all over from being held so close and you hardly dared to breathe. Hypnotized by his gaze, you couldn’t bring yourself to look away. “Thens kiss me,” he murmured in a throaty voice. It made you shiver and lust began to haze your thoughts, the previous kiss still so fresh in your mind when his lips found yours again.
Slowly this time- painfully, delightfully slowly- Toki kissed you. His hands nearly covered the sides of your head as he held you in place, his lips closed while he kissed you once, twice, three times before deepening it. You let him without hesitation, heat coiling in your stomach. Of course, the thought of breaking the kiss occurred to you but with every motion of his, that thought got further and further away. Toki’s tongue slipped past your lips again and he gently stroked over yours as he made his way around your mouth. You returned the kiss with fervor, trying to match his speed to keep him close as long as possible.
One hand on top of his over your cheek, you let your other wander. His knee pressing into your thigh, then up the outside of his leg to rest on his hip and give it a squeeze. He moaned in your mouth and your body responded in kind, your own moan escaping as the heat in your belly moved south. When his free hand fisted in your hair and tugged, you wondered if maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if Toki didn’t remember your hookup. Hell, maybe it would keep things from getting awkward at work?
Skwisgaar’s best guitar solo blared through the vehicle, interrupting your mental plan to get the man in front of you undressed. It was your phone, ringing out from your back pocket, and you knew without looking that it was Charles. He tended to check status on the jobs he gave people, especially when they went alone, as the Dethklok members seemed to have a way of making mountains out of molehills and then exploding the mountain into a bunch of fiery chunks raining from the sky.
Toki hadn’t stopped kissing you. If anything, he seemed more desperate, his hands falling to your shoulders and tugging at your shirt. But you straightened up and caught his large wrists to still him. Pulling away, your lips tingled and you had to blink a few times to gather yourself. “I have to get that, hang on.” Your voice was hoarse and you cleared it twice as you pulled the phone from your pocket and selected ‘Answer’. Toki huffed but he seemed much more relaxed compared to the last interruption, leaning back against the seat and putting his large hand on your thigh with his eyes closed.
“Hello?” you asked, still trying to steady your voice.
“Y/N, any updates?” Charles bluntly asked back.
You cleared your throat again and replied, “Everything’s going well, I just got Toki in the car,” the guitarist squeezed your leg at the sound of his name, “and we’re about to head back home.” The thought of leaving the back seat, of having to drive with the fruity taste of whatever he’d been drinking still on your tongue and the memory of his hands on you front and center in your mind, nearly made you groan aloud but you held yourself back.
“Good, good. Knew you could handle it.” *click*
Just like that, Charles had broken the heady mood and hung up in under a minute. You sighed, knowing what the right thing to do was and knowing exactly what you wanted to do instead. As if reading your thoughts, Toki spoke, “Wes don’t has to leaves yet, does we?”
“We does,” you replied playfully, trying to convince yourself of that fact. It wasn’t often that you wished for another job, one where you could be a groupie, act a little slutty, and turn one of your daydreams into a reality. But this was one of those times. However, people got fired- or killed- at work for less and you wouldn’t have even gotten into Dethklok if it weren’t for your job.
Toki sighed, squeezing your thigh again and holding it for a moment. Glancing at him, you’re eyes scanned his face thoroughly. His eyes were closed and his head was tilted back on the headrest, giving you an eyeful of his neck and throat. He had the slightest stubble growing and as you watched, he gulped, making his Adam’s apple bounce. You wanted to remember this moment, every detail, as though that would make it last longer. While you were looking, he opened his eyes and caught yours.
“But you liked to kissing mes?” he asked, his voice more nervous than you’d heard all night. “You thinks I’ms is handsome?”
You hesitated before concluding the cat was fully out of the bag on this one and nodded. “I liked kissing you and I think you’re handsome, Toki. If you asked, I might even say you’re hot as fuck.”
Toki beamed at you, nudging you with his knee. He seemed too tired to move as fast as he was in the heat of the moment but he reached to put his hand on your hip and squeezed. “Okies, you cans drives us home. We is goings to my room,” you blushed but he continued without notice, “we cans talk, I ams asking you questions, it is ams dates.”
213 notes · View notes
robininthelabyrinth · 3 years
Note
The Nie brothers time travel but something goes wrong and they end up in each other bodies. So now they have to defeat WRH, find a way to curb JGY worst tendencies, and hide (and undo) the switch before any cultivator decides they are possesed by evil spirits
“I can’t do this,” Nie Huaisang announced heavily. “I can’t. Nope. Cannot. No way.”
“You apparently found a way to time travel into the past,” his brother pointed out. He was taking this entire thing very calmly – or, rather, like he’d heard a really great joke. It wasn’t that Nie Huaisang had forgotten that his brother had a sense of humor hidden under the rage, especially in the earlier years before Jin Guangyao got at him, but he may have downplayed his memories of how annoying it was to be the target of it. “Your abilities are clearly well beyond what you’ve been leading me to believe.”
“I’m sneaky,” Nie Huaisang explained. “I can scheme and plot and play politics, sometimes, if I have to. But I cannot be a general!”
I cannot be you, he meant. He might currently be inhabiting his long-dead brother’s body – an unfortunate side effect of messing up the time travel array, he suspected, but then again experimental things were often imperfect – while his brother’s spirit had been cast out into his own former self, but he wasn’t his brother.
He could never be.
(But Nie Mingjue was alive, alive and well with bright eyes and that stupid smirk that didn’t fit right on Nie Huaisang’s smaller face except in the ways it sort of did, and that was all Nie Huaisang had ever wanted in his life, other than Jin Guangyao to pay in blood and shame for depriving him of it.)
“Why not?” his brother asked. He leaned back and stretched lazily. Nie Mingjue never did a lazy thing in his whole life, so it was deliberate. He was enjoying this. “We have a battle strategy, already decided; most of the rest of it is on-the-ground tactics, which can be done just as well from behind the lines as at the front of them. There’s a reason that no one ever settled on the best place for a war-leader to be – it comes down to temperament.”
Nie Huaisang threw his hands into the air. “I know that! I was sect leader for nearly two decades, da-ge; I assure you, I’ve heard all the sect’s philosophical musings by now. But I don’t have your temperament – there’s no way someone won’t figure out what’s happened, that we’ve switched, and that’ll be a disaster.”
“Two decades,” Nie Mingjue said thoughtfully, focusing on the entirely wrong part of the conversation.
“A decade and a half to avenge your untimely murder,” that got a flinch out of his brother and his focus back, just as Nie Huaisang had wanted, “and another five to find a way to come back and avert it entirely.”
Nie Huaisang had always been resourceful. Resourceful, and ruthless – sometimes to a degree that scared even him.
When he was younger, it was okay. After all, the only thing he used it for was sneaking treats and spoiling himself, and it didn’t really matter if he was ruthless about stuff like that. And then his brother died – was murdered – and suddenly he knew what it was like to be his brother: a young man suddenly shoved into the role of sect leader, and having to balance everything he now had to be against the overwhelming blistering hatred he bore for and the crippling weight of the vengeance he had sworn against a man who had taken away someone he loved forever for something as pointless and ephemeral as political advantage.
(He had to take a deep breath at the mere thought of it, the family rage spiking under his skin. It was a bit of a surprise, actually, to find that his brother didn’t have more of it - he’d always assumed that his rage was lesser, weaker, the way his golden core was, but no. It turned out their rage was just the same.)
“So what you’re saying,” his brother said, and he was smirking again, oh no, “is that you’re focused, efficient, and unyielding in pursuit of your goals, given the right motivation. That sounds like general material to me.”
“Not if the goal is to make sure no one knows what’s happened,” Nie Huaisang hissed. Had own face always looked so incredibly punchable? “Da-ge, it doesn’t matter what type of general I might be. What matters is that it’s not the same type of general you are – you’re always at the front line, leading the charge. I can’t do that.”
“Sure you can,” his brother said. “By the time you’re in the middle of a charge, you’re not really thinking tactics anymore. It’s all just fighting, and I know you know all the moves, no matter how much you bitch and moan about having to practice them.”
Nie Huaisang glared, crossing his arms over his chest – his brother’s arms, his brother’s chest, and this was still just too weird. He hadn’t even had time to properly weep and cry and hug his brother the way he’d expected to in the event the time travel array worked; they’d had to jump straight into explanations and strategizing because there was a pretty big battle happening in less than twenty-four hours and they needed to fix this first.
His brother rolled his eyes at him, and for the first time Nie Huaisang realized that his brother was going to have no problem at all pretending to be him – the acting problem here went only one way. “Just let Baxia handle the aggression part, okay? The rest is muscle memory, and I, at least, have done enough to build that in.”
“Letting the saber spirit in like that is dangerous, da-ge,” Nie Huaisang reminded him, eyes narrowed. His brother was also assuming that Baxia would agree to be wielded by anyone other than her beloved master, which was a stretch – she barely even agreed to be sharpened by someone else, resisting violently whenever someone tried. 
Jin Guangyao had died still bearing the scars from his attempt. 
“Well, apparently I get murdered before it becomes an issue, so why worry?” his brother cackled, and Nie Huaisang glared harder. It had no impact whatsoever: Nie Mingjue stood up and stretched again. “You know what, Huaisang, if you’re feeling the need to sit around and pity yourself, you’ve got at least a few incense sticks’ worth of time to do it in before actually doing something becomes necessary – I, on the other hand, am going to do something productive with my time.”
“Like what?”
His brother grinned at him with teeth. “Saber training. And there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”
Nie Huaisang picked up a teacup and hurtled it at his beloved big brother’s head. Naturally, Nie Mingjue dodged, effortlessly, and left laughing.
“At least pretend like you’re going to behave!” Nie Huaisang bellowed after him, but his brother just waved at him, and – ugh. This was vengeance for a lifetime of laziness, wasn’t it? Coming to bite him in the ass.
After a few minutes, Nie Huaisang picked up another teacup – they always had dozens of them in the Nie sect, cheaply made in bulk and specifically designed to shatter easily because of the family tendency to throw stuff around and not calm down until something was broken, and better a cheap teacup than an expensive door or table, better something designed not to hurt anyone who happened to get in the way or didn’t know how to duck faster enough – and threw it against the door again.
It shattered beautifully. NIe Huaisang had only rarely been able to get it to do that, and never so effortlessly – the advantage of his brother’s strength.
Strength, and height. Nie Huaisang was tall now.
Okay, self-pity could wait until later. Nie Huaisang was going to go patrol the camp for a little bit and enjoy looking down at all the people.
It was going to be great.
It was, too. Even talking with people wasn’t as difficult as he thought it was going to be. Perhaps he shouldn’t be so surprised at that; he had been sect leader for years, so he was accustomed to answering questions and making on-the-fly rearrangements and responding to things with leading questions that made the other person come up with the solution on their own, not to mention saying encouraging things that made people feel better about things. 
He’d had to do a lot of that, being the Head-shaker, and even more afterwards, when he’d shed his disguise like a cicada shedding its skin.
It was easier now than it had ever been before, of course. The Nie sect was still strong, under his brother’s leadership; his disciples didn’t have that discouraged look lurking in the back of their eyes, the shame of being led by the disgraceful Head-shaker. It was easy to brighten someone’s day with a nod in their direction, disciples blooming like roses at the sight of their stern sect leader looking approving, and the questions he received were far more intellectually stimulating than the usual – less about making sure he knew what he was supposed to do and more actual puzzles, things that had really tripped people up.
Nie Huaisang tried at first to keep his answers short, tried to pretend to be more stoic and stand-offish the way the famous Chifeng-zun ought to be, except when he did everyone just smiled at him the way they always had when he’d been the Head-shaker – a little indulgent, a little pitying, a little “well he’s trying his best” – and after a while Nie Huaisang started remembering things he’d long ago forgotten.
Things like how his brother was actually kind of a mess sometimes, emotionally speaking – he was the sort of person who got weepy over dramatic literature – and how he’d never quite gotten the hang of people, how he valued his friends like gold and held grudges way too long and promoted people just because they seemed decent; how he sometimes spent his entire money pouch and more on buying Nie Huaisang stupid trinkets because it seemed to make him happy, even borrowing money from their escort, which would always be doubled over laughing at how their fearsome sect leader couldn’t bring himself to say no.
Like how Nie Huaisang’s sect was his family, aunts and uncles and brothers and sisters, whether born in or adopted or just part of the sect. The good type of family – not always the closest, not always your friends, not always even people you really liked, but still all predisposed to take your side in a fight if it came down to it.
These were the people who supported him and stood behind him – even when he was the Head-shaker.
He’d almost forgotten.
And so, despite himself, Nie Huaisang softened a bit. He stopped trying to respond to everything with a grunt or a huff, started asking about people’s families, making suggestions, telling them they’d done a good job.
“Glad you’re out of your mood,” Nie Yongbiao, who’d been quietly trailing him, finally commented, and Nie Huaisang blinked owlishly at him. “What kicked it off this time? You usually only get that closed-mouth after having to host guests.”
And that was true, wasn’t it? It had been such a long time, and after so much trauma, that Nie Huaisang had forgotten how his brother used to shut down whenever there was a discussion conference or an important meeting – how it took him longer and longer to get better on the other side as the qi deviation drew nearer, his meridians filling with Jin Guangyao’s spiritual poison. By the end, he had barely ever been open and free, barely seemed to remember how to drop his guard and relax, to act like a regular person with a sense of humor again, be the person Nie Huaisang knew his brother to be. 
But that was then, and this was now - war had been good for Nie Mingjue, in a strange way. Here in the camps there was a lessened expectation of etiquette, a great appreciation of strength, and his brother was more free to be himself, straightforward and blunt as the off side of a saber.
(Nie Mingjue had tried so hard to be a good brother to Jin Guangyao, Nie Huaisang abruptly remembered, but he’d shut down after every visit, worse than ever before. His heart had known the truth, even if he had allowed himself to be convinced by Lan Xichen and Nie Huaisang to keep giving Jin Guangyao second chance after second chance. He should never have listened to them.)
“Argument with Huaisang,” he said, a safe answer, and Nie Yongbiao nodded wisely.
“Can you say what it was about?” he asked, rather unexpectedly – Nie Yongbiao wasn’t exactly talkative, and no one ever pried about their family affairs. Catching Nie Huaisang’s surprised look, he shrugged. “He’s obviously very upset.”
“He is?”
“He’s at the training field,” Nie Yongbiao stressed, and Nie Huaisang had to choke down a hysterical laugh. Of course Nie Yongbiao would think that something must have gone horribly wrong to get “Nie Huaisang” to go willingly to train.
Nor was Nie Yongbiao the only one, for that matter: when Nie Huaisang arrived at the training field they’d set up in the middle of the camp, he saw an entire crowd of Nie sect disciples milling around at the edge of the field, bearing a suspicious resemblance to a flock of over-anxious quail.
He reached up to his face, pretending to want to pinch the bridge of his nose but actually to smother a smile, and luckily he had regained control of his features by the time he reached the edge of the small sea of disciples because they immediately all turned to him with relieved expressions, their cries of “Sect Leader! Sect Leader!” ringing in his ears like the coos of his pet birds.
“What’s the matter?” he asked, and immediately received the full story: Nie Huaisang had come to the field looking upset – one person insisted there had been tears in his eyes – and had set himself up against a practice dummy, and he hadn’t stopped whacking at it ever since.
Clearly, the world was ending.
“We had an argument earlier,” Nie Huaisang admitted, and managed, barely, not to laugh at how they all looked at him with disapproving eyes. “I’ll talk with him.”
Approving nods all around, although they didn’t disperse.
“Sect Leader,” one of the older generation said, very hesitantly. “If it’s about – the clan matter – if there’s anything we can do to help –”
Nie Huaisang shook his head, feeling touched. When it really had been him, his brother had kept the specifics of it secret – the tombs, the inevitability, the deterioration he was so avidly trying to put off – until it was too late, and he’d had to learn about it the hard way; it was nice, though, that they apparently all worried so much on his behalf about it.
“Thank you,” he said, and meant it. “But it’s a different issue.”
Namely, the issue was that the person doing the training wasn’t Nie Huaisang at all, he thought, but when the crowd finally started breaking apart, people going back to their assigned tasks, and he finally managed to make his way to where his brother was, he was surprised to see that his brother really did appear to be upset.
He wasn’t practicing any of his normal training routines, but rather wielding Aituan in the same way a novice woodcutter would wield an axe: repetitive strikes, made wildly and with too much strength, as if hitting the practice dummy was the only thing that could vent his feelings.
“Uh, ‘Huaisang’?” Nie Huaisang asked, worrying his lip as he came closer. “Are you –”
His brother dropped Aituan to the ground – which, hey! Watch it, that was his saber! – and turned, and Nie Huaisang had only a moment to see his glassy eyes before his brother threw himself forward, wrapping his arms around him and holding him tight.
Nie Huaisang automatically responded, wrapping his arms back around and holding Nie Mingjue close – it was nice, he thought, to finally have the reach he’d always felt he should have, big and tall and enveloping in its warm the way his brother had been for him.
“What’s the matter?” he asked, his voice low enough not to carry. “Did something happen…?”
“No,” Nie Mingjue said, but his lips were pressed together to keep them from trembling. Nie Huaisang’s body had always been free with his emotions, much to his annoyance; he’d learned to cultivate it into a disguise, but he hadn’t really liked it. Tears had never been a relief for him the way they’d been for his brother. “No, it’s nothing.”
“It’s obviously not nothing,” Nie Huaisang said firmly, and carted him off back to his tent. Being as worried as he was, he did his best not to be too smug about finally being the one who was strong enough to pick his brother up, rather than the other way around – not that he needed to, what with his brother following docilely along with him – but there was, perhaps, a little bit of smugness. “Okay, we’re back, silencing talismans are back up because we apparently have the nosiest disciples. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“It’s nothing, really…”
“Da-ge.”
“I left you alone,” his brother blurted out, looking up at him with tear-filled eyes. “For twenty years. Whatever I did, however I got murdered – some moment of carelessness – it doesn’t matter. I failed you.”
Oh, no. No, no, no– 
“No,” he said out loud. “No, da-ge, you were tricked – it wasn’t – it wasn’t your fault.”
“I always said I would hold up the sky for you,” Nie Mingjue said bitterly. “And instead I left you with the same inheritance that I received. I never wanted that for you, Huaisang. Never.”
“Da-ge,” Nie Huaisang said helplessly. “Da-ge, you don’t understand. You were trying. You wanted – you were doing everything you could. It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t fail me. I was the one who failed you. I’ve always failed you –”
“Never!”
“I’m lazy, I’m selfish, I’m good-for-nothing, a head-shaker –”
“So what?” his brother said, glaring up at him. His eyes were red, but with tears, not qi deviation. “Even if it’s true, which it isn’t, because no head-shaker could have avenged me, could have found a way to come back, could have become the Nie sect leader and kept it for two decades, even if it’s true – so what? As long as you’re safe, I don’t care. As long as you have a way to defend yourself, and you so obviously must have, then nothing else matters. Nothing has ever mattered but your happiness.”
“And yours,” Nie Huaisang shot back. “You have the right to a life too, da-ge! You – you should have had my support. You should have been able to share your burdens, I should have helped you instead of anchored you down –”
“Huaisang –”
Nie Huaisang pulled him in tight again. “It’ll be different, this time,” he promised, his voice rough. “I’m older than you ever go the chance to be, da-ge. This time, I can help you with the things you’re not good at – I can do the politics, the people. We can bear the weight of the sect together.”
He felt a whisper in the back of his mind that was strange and yet familiar, approving. Baxia, he realized. Baxia, approving of him; Baxia, who would let him wield her,   and he sensed her confidence that no one would get past her iron guard, together protecting his brother in both body and soul.
“All right,” his brother said. “Together. You and me – and the others.”
“Others?”
“After so many years, you must know who’s trustworthy,” Nie Mingjue pointed out. Already back to being practical, even if he was wiping his eyes. “If we tell those people, they can help us keep up the impression that I’m you and you’re me for as long as we need it.”
Nie Huaisang was nodding along, because that made sense, only then his brother said the last part and it was like a sunrise had opened up in his head, the way terrible and wonderful ideas always did.
“Da-ge,” he said, tasting the words in his mouth. “Da-ge, how do you like my body?”
His brother blinked up at him. “It’s fine, I guess? You’re actually in pretty decent shape, better than I thought, and your cultivation is – well, you could do a bit more with that, honestly, but it’s not uncomfortable or anything. Why?”
Nie Huaisang smiled. He’d always been remarkably resistant to their family’s cultivation curse, and not only, as he’d pretended to Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji all those years ago, because he didn’t practice - it was his temper, or lack thereof, that softened the saber spirit’s effects on him. 
Even if his body’s cultivation increased, he was far enough behind the curve, with his mediocre talent, that it would take decades for him to reach the level that it would be dangerous to him, while his brother’s prodigious talent, coupled with his inheritance of the family temper, made him even more likely to succumb – it was that prediction which had worried him so much that he had sought out treatment even before it had become a serious problem, the same worries that had driven him into Jin Guangyao’s trap.
What do you think? he asked the brand-new whisper in his mind. Aituan would probably bitch and moan about having to actually do things, but he’d secretly enjoy getting a bit more evil-killing in; the question was Baxia. What would she think?
A purr of agreement.
“I was just thinking,” Nie Huaisang said. “Chronologically speaking, I’m older than you are. I ran the sect for years – it might be hard to let go of that habit. How about we just…stay as we are, for now?”
Nie Mingjue frowned. “Baxia –”
“I’ll use her in public, and Aituan in private,” Nie Huaisang interrupted. He’d known that would be his brother’s first concern. “And you’ll do the opposite. And when we’re settled enough, we’ll come up with some excuse to switch.”
His brother hesitated. “But…you don’t like doing things. Responsibility. That sort of thing.”
“I got over it,” Nie Huaisang assured him. “Trust me, I have a whole system – I’ll implement it once the Sunshot Campaign is done; you’ll be amazed at how much easier it makes things, and then all the things that are left over are the stuff I actually enjoy. And this way, you could…I…”
He swallowed, and put his hands on his brother’s shoulders. He didn’t want to manipulate his brother into something like this – he didn’t want to manipulate his brother at all. His brother deserved the truth and honesty he had always freely given the world, and so Nie Huaisang could only offer up the unvarnished truth.
“I want to do this for you, da-ge,” he said. “I want you to have the life you should have had. I want you to have hobbies again, to make friends, real friends that will put you first. I want you to have fun with them without thinking of how people might think about it…please, da-ge. I came back here to keep you alive, but I want more than that. I want to see you live.”
“Okay,” his brother said, and he was choking back tears again. “We’ll – we’ll discuss it later, but I’ll think about it. Okay.”
“Good,” Nie Huaisang said. “Now catch me up on the tactics we’re planning on using in tomorrow’s battle, and I’ll let you know everything I know about what happens in the future…oh, and one more thing.”
“Oh?”
Nie Huaisang’s hand dropped to the table, parallel to Baxia; he could hear her purr in his mind whistling like the rumble of thunder. He smiled.
“Can you tell me where Meng Yao is?”
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