#AM I GONNA GET FAT OR AM I GONNA WASTE AWAY

[backwzzds]

absolutely need a plug!zoro cheating on his gf with u nsfw …

no bc y’all are on a roll w these plug!zoro requests! position is based off this video btw 😩

ೃ⁀➷ what you want, roronoa zoro

thinking about the way that man would literally hate his girlfriend fr. like, he’s sure he’s only with her because his family loves her, but he just doesn’t. and i mean he proves that when he ends up outside your door in the middle of the rainy night, somewhere around 3 AM.

everyone would always ask him—why not just break up with her? and zoro never had an answer. his girlfriend was too fragile of a person and he hated that crying shit honestly. the only person he ever cared about making cry was ironically you.

his relationship was anything but secure. zoro was chill with whatever his girlfriend did. he trusted her, at first. she wanted to go to a party, he’d let her. she got a ride from some guy friend who was maybe his level of attractive? he didn’t care. but the same rules didn’t apply to him. zoro could be getting ready to go to work and his girlfriend would be up on him with accusations.

“i feel like you’re gonna go and fuck that bitch,” his girlfriend spat with venom, referring to you as he slid on his jeans. the green head couldn’t help but roll his eyes as she rambled on about disliking you. he couldn’t help but chuckle to himself lightly when he realized how crazy she was behind closed doors.

“well now i’mma go do that just cuz’ you said it,” he muttered, just trying to get underneath her skin. his girlfriend thought he was bluffing, but not with the way blood rushed to zoro’s dick at the thought of just being in your arms to cuddle tonight.

zoro doesn’t think twice either when it comes to pulling up to your crib. he parked in front of your cute little car, something he did to express his dominance over you in the way your cars together looked like a ‘his and hers’ pair. he was weird like that, but that’s just how much he felt for you fr.

by the time he gets to your door, his heart is already thumping in his chest. not in fear of getting caught, but instead at the sight of you in your tiny nightdress, two sizes to small to barely contain your wide hips and busty breasts.

you give him a blank look as you leaned against the threshold of the door. “ian call you for no weed.”

zoro gives you his million dollar smirk. “you should know that’s not the only reason i come over anymore.”

“yeah yeah to cheat on your girl, sure zoro,” you roll your eyes.

the green head kisses his teeth, “not cheating if i don’t want her.” with a step to the side, you helplessly let him in, and he wastes no time in kissing your lips. “missed you so damn much.”

“missed you too,” you can’t help but mutter against his lips. zoro wraps his hands around your waist and pulls your smaller frame against this larger own. his hands shamelessly wanter down to the fat of your ass as he grips it, giving it a reddening smack and repeating his actions.

zoro pulls away with one last peck to your lips. “how was your day mama?” he grabs your hand and drags you to the couch.

“fine,” you muttered with a bored expression, grabbing the remote to turn on the tv.

zoro furrows his eyebrow and snatches the remote from your hand. “what’s up wit’ you? you okay? talk to me.”

you shrug your shoulders. “i’m straight,” but your tone wasn’t convincing him otherwise.

zoro gives you a suspicious hum before pulling you into his lap. “what you doing tomorrow night?”

“probably homework,” you admit. “why?”

zoro can’t help but grin at you, flashing his gold canine pieces. “got us tickets to see that standup you been wanting to go to.”

your eyes can’t help but brighten at his words. “you lying.”

“i’m so deadass,” zoro laughed.

you kiss your teeth and slap his chest. “you don’t even like comedy!”

the greenhead gives you a shy shrug with a small blush flaming his tan cheeks. “they have an open bar, free sake so,” with a playful roll of your eyes, you kiss your teeth but smile. “so you gon’ stop giving me this bratty ass silent treatment?”

“whatever. you’re a whore for sake.”

“nah,” zoro shakes his head. “you ain’t hit me all week. you know what i had to go through not talking to you.”

you give him a sarcastic frown before pecking his lips. “aw, poor baby.” you move to pull away but are shocked when zoro grips your face and forces you back into his orbit.

how you found yourself half naked on his lip with your legs spread for him—you don’t know. damn mosshead was just that good.

“i got you,” zoro’s voice is all you hear as he steadies you on top of him with your back facing the tv. his one arm is all he needs to steady your body against his lip while he uses the other to start rubbing at you clit. “just touch me baby.”

a breath escapes from your throat as you find the courage to wrap your hand about his hard cock. his tip is an angry peach color as it oozes out pre cum, already excited from your touch. “like this daddy?”

“fuck, just like that mama,” zoro’s own breath hitches in his throat as he fights not to buck up into your grasp. “love the way you touch me. just like that baby. make me feel so safe.”

you’re almost shocked by the words leaving your mouth as you continue jerking him. the two of you hold an intimate scope of eye contact as you touch each other’s body, nothing being heard but the soft moans and breaths from your arousal.

“make you feel safe?” your voice is soft and sultry as you run your thumb over his tip. zoro can’t help but groan at his sensitivity, too late to even catch himseld. “feel safe when im loving you like this papa? you like that?”

“oh fuck, yes,” zoro whined, fully submitting to you. his girlfriend had never seen this side of him. every time he had sex with her, if he ever did, it was quick and to the point. no one was able to milk out this soft and vulnerable side to him but you. oh how you had his fucking heart and dick in the comfort of your pocket.

your legs are spread in front of zoro, giving him a complete view of what you were working it. somehow wanting to see you spread more, he grabs you by your thighs and opens you up more, practically salivating at the sight of your pretty clit glistening from his touch.

“you make me feel safe too,” you breath out with a blushed smile, trying to keep your pace with jerking zoro off. it was hard to do so when he was rubbing you nice and slow, just the way he knew you liked it.

at this point? it was all more than sex. zoro meant every word he uttered out, especially how you made him feel safe during his most vulnerable moments. only you bought this side out in him.

“fuck i’m almost there, zee.” you throw your head back and grind further into his touch.

“me too baby,” zoro breathed out, watching as cum oozed from his tip by the second. “you fuck me so good, no one does it like you—shit.”

you lick your lips as you lean over and spit on zoro’s cock, adding more lubricant to your already slippery movements. “like it when i stroke your fat cock papa? like this?”

“zoro bites his lip and nods his head. a whine fights to break through from his mouth as he lets out a broken “mhm. fuck, mama. keep going and you’ll make me cum.”

you take this as a challenge and speed up your movements with hopes to overstimulate him. zoro’s mouth falls open, and the tables inevitably turn when he’s shaking beneath you, watching you milk every drop of cum out of him. you hold your tongue out as he shoots his load upwards, droplets of his semen landing on your taste buds.

a greedy smile graces your lips as you continue jerking him off, more and more cum flying out from his sore tip by the second. “fucking hell—just like that just like that, fuck!” zoro moans loudly as he feels himself get drained.

you didn’t mind the fact that he came before you this time. watching this hard man come undone before you was enough to have you creaming all over his fingers right after. you too begin to breathe heavily as zoro maintians his circular movements against your clit.

when you’re both fucked out from your intimate session, zoro slides you onto his lap, your clit begrudgingly grinding against the base of his still hard dick. with his face in your neck, he breathes out, “i’ll break up with her. your eyebrows raise at his words. “if that’s what you want.” you waste no time in giving him a stern response.

“it is what i want.”

#lora’s fics! ೄྀ࿐ #plug zoro #plug!zoro #plug zoro x black reader #plug zoro x chubby reader #plug zoro x reader #roronoa zoro x black reader #zoro x black reader #zoro x chubby reader #roronoa zoro x chubby reader #roronoa zoro smut #zoro smut #roronoa zoro x reader #roronoa zoro #zoro x reader #one piece x black reader #one piece x black!reader #one piece x chubby reader #one piece x reader #one piece smut

[rosepascal]

on his time || mean!joel miller smut

summary: Joel isn't nice and to him you're just a willing cunt to fuck.

warnings: smut!! 18+ only, MINORS DNI, mean!joel, afab!reader, no aftercare, creampie, dirty talk, joel calls you a slut, he also uses u like a toy ngl, fingering, bent over the counter.

a/n: so i am touch starved and a whore for this man so heres a small little joel smut. I want this man to do unspeakable things to me frfr

Joel Miller was not a good man. He's lied, stolen, killed for his benefit and his alone. He's selfish and ruthless and even though his hands run across your stomach so gently and he whispers sweet lies in your ear, you have to remind yourself that he's doing this for him.

He barged into your small house in Jackson without a care. Ellie was out for the night and that meant he was going to spend the rest of the evening fucking you in every room.

"Wear this for me?" He purrs in your ear as he bends you over your kitchen counter, his hand shoved down your shorts.

He feels the lace and you bow your head in shame. He loves lace and you know it. It's embarrassing to want a man this badly. Especially one so cruel.

So you did wear it for him and you knew he was going to be here and you wanted to lock your door and tell him you didn't want to be a body for him to fuck anymore but then you feel his fingers slip into your pussy every thought leaves your head.

"So fucking needy." Joel pulls your shorts and panties down in one quick motion.

"Were you thinkin' bout me all day baby? Craving my big cock in your tight cunt?" He slaps your pussy hard and you jump.

" 'Cause I was thinkin' of you." Shocks of pleasure shoot through your body.

Your hands find solace in the cold counter, wishing that you could hold his hands instead. The sound of his belt being undone makes you throb, shaking your hips as a silent plea.

A small gasp leaves your lips when you feel the cool leather against your skin. He's dragging his belt around your ass and down to your thighs. Slipping it between your legs and lightly tapping the cold metal to your clit.

"One day I'll spank this cute ass till you're crying for me to stop," He mumbles mostly to himself. He pulls his cock out of his pants, letting them fall to his ankles. The fat tip glides across your wet cunt.

"Scream nice and loud for me alright?" He wastes no time in fucking his cock deep and rough.

"Fuck!" You wail as he pummels your pussy with his dick. His blunt nails digging into your hips as he pulls you back, making sure you take him as far as he can go.

Your hands claw at the counter as your body gets bounced like a rag doll. The pleasure is almost too much as he pounds you against the counter. Moans and cries echoing through the room as you beg for him to go harder.

He hits a spot that makes you cry, your body moving away from him on instinct. Joel doesn't like that. He practically growls as he wraps a hand around your stomach, pressing you back onto his cock and rolling his hips slowly.

"Where do you think you're going baby?" Your eyes roll back as he chuckles darkly in your ear.

"Take it like the good little slut you are." His fast pace resumes as he focuses on getting himself off. Tight, wet and hot. Clenching around his cock and its all he needs.

"You like that right baby? Being just a cunt for me to fuck."

"Yes! Oh fuck yes I love it Joel!" He slams his hand on the counter to ground him to reality.

"Gonna fill you up nice and full." His eyes squeeze shut as he thrusts his hips as fast as he can, chasing that sweet release.

With one last hard push he traps your body against the counter. His chest pressing against your back as he comes harder than he has before. His hand slips down between your legs, rubbing your clit in fast, tight circles until you're clenching around him.

Quiet cries fall from your lips as you melt against the counter in utter exhaustion. The only sounds you can hear are his breathes and the only thing you can feel is his skin. Gently he slips out, spending a few moments to watch his cum drip out of your cunt. He pulls his pants and buckles them back up. He doesn't stay, he never stays.

Bending down he pulls your panties up your legs. Firmly pulling them until you squeak from the sensation of the fabric.

"Makin' sure it stays in there." Closing your eyes you wait for him to leave but to your surprise he kisses the side of your head, his touch lingering longer than it normally does.

"Till next time baby." With that he buckles his pants and walks out the door.

Your legs are like jelly as you make your way to the couch. The scent of his sex and his cologne waft through your house. You're sweating, body spent but fuck, you're already craving more.

#joel miller #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #mean!joel miller

[im-not-even-sorry]

I want to feed a skinny twink up, I want to kiss their cheek, pet their head and assure them they'll be taken care of so well...

You forgot to eat breakfast or dinner? Baby, we can't allow that, you're wasting away... would you like me to cook you something? Maybe takeout? I know how you like your pizza.

They couldn't eat much at first, but they've slowly been getting used to having meals more often and to their portions gradually getting larger, just like their clothes.

What if I ordered or made a bit too much? It's not gonna taste as good tomorrow as it tastes now. Open up, you can fit just a bit more inside, for me, okay?

I'll rub their bloated tummy, maybe suck on the skin by the side of their belly button till they're marked up by my lips before moving lower.

I want to feel them getting heavier on my lap, their soft thighs spreading further, sharp hip bones disappearing beneath a layer of pliable fat, belly rounding out when I hand feed them dessert. Small pieces of chocolate, spoonfuls of ice cream, bites of rich cake... Till they're stuffed full and food drunk but it tastes so good they manage to continue just a tiny bit past their limit. Good boy.

They'd be struggling not to burp once they've had something to drink, but it's okay baby, you've had so much it's perfectly normal. You're sleepy and your tummy feels heavy? That's okay too, just lay down and let me take care of everything.

I'd tell them how proud I am, how much I love them and what we're doing together, how happy it makes me feel to see them sated and comfortable. So warm. So full. So soft. So beautiful.

My beautiful baby. My work of art.

#my post #queer feeder #trans feeder #soft feedism #queer feedism #this has been laying in my drafts my like 3 months

[vibingandsimping]

Gonna do my best here lmao. I’m tumblr illiterate nowadays but I’m always a thirsty ho who never gets cold ykyk.

Not sure I wanna give actual name (sorry),

Nickname: Moon

Age: 30

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Bisexual

Likes: I’m a lazy bones, I have a disability so I spend a lot of time doing little crafty hobbies when I’m able to. I struggle with taking care of myself so I need a little extra help. I do love horror movies, reptiles, and my current hyper-fixations are BG3, undertale, and flip book animations. Sorry if that isn’t much to work with haha. I’m a big animal lover and have always had many.

Dislikes: Large crowds/overstimulating environments, early mornings, the current state of society lmao and people who lack patience with other peoples needs and struggles.

Romantic/‘intimate’ likes: I’m a sub through and through. I like to feel small and like for my partner to take the lead. I’m all about intense power play when it’s with a trusted partner. Some more I guess specific would be hypnosis, pet play, kidnapping (fantasy), CNC, sub training, objectification, humiliation, and like let me be clear that I love traditional house/trophy wife AS FANTASY. I don’t want to get it twisted that I can separate fantasy and reality and can practice things safely with a partner I trust. I like mean guys, gals and pals.

Physical description: Short and thick. I definitely have an ass and thick thighs. I would be comfortable describing myself as fat but still getting used to the term and how it’s being reclaimed. I have brown eyes and olive toned skin. Lots of black hair that’s a bit longer than shoulder length.

The only fandoms in the list I really know much about would be BG3 and Dead by Daylight. I love me some monsters so I’m down for that.

I hope I’m doing this right and not wasting your time with rambling haha. I love your work and regardless I appreciate your time! Absolutely no pressure!

🌑

A hoe NEVER gets cold. No worries, i’m still learning tumblr myself. I do like the inboxes, though. Honestly, it’s perfect for writers. Also do not apologize for not wanting to state your name! That’s why I included self-insert/oc if people wish for anonymity!

I am also disabled… so some of this hit close to home. :,)

Kazan Yamaoka would like you. It’d be more like a doll deal honestly. You wormed your way into his vengeful and hate-filled life. You showed him a semblance of kindness. Something he hadn’t felt in a long time. In turn, he gets to own you. Taking care of you financially and physically is nothing to him, honestly. It’s quite easy. Your needs are simple and helping you with tasks doesn’t take much from him. He’s strong and tall so he’s got that benefit.

He also takes very good care of you in bed. He’s more than happy to oblige to your kinks. It’s kind of a match made in heaven. He loves to feel big and strong. He’s got you splayed on the bed before him. His cock proud and daunting as it weeps. How in the hell are you supposed to take that? He growls at you in threat when you shrink away from him as he inches towards your face. His hand, so large it nearly wraps around your whole skull, grips your hair tightly. You part your lips in obedience as he begins to nudge them. His pre-cum coating your tongue as he slides each inch in one by one. You are already choking on half of it. His lips thin as he sneers at you. “I’ll turn you into my personal slut. I do like seeing you choke on my cock like a pathetic whore.” You moan around his length and he groans deeply. Fingers tightening their grip as he forcefully pushes a little more into your throat. Tears spring in the corner of your eyes as your airway is cut off. “Cry all you want, bitch. Fighting me is hopeless.” He glances down at you once more to confirm your desire. Then, he begins to fuck into your throat like the beast he is. Growling and ripping moans from you with each dirty and deprived phrase he utters. Your thighs rubbing together as your cunt clenches around nothing.

#my asks #matchups #🌑 anon #anon asks #my writing #dead by daylight #dbd #dead by daylight x reader #the oni x reader #the oni dbd #kazan yamaoka #kazan yamaoka x reader #dbd smut #dead by daylight smut #not sfw

[leebrontide]

One thing about our new garden is that the soil is shit.

I am begging people not to rake up all their leaves in the fall and all their grass clippings in the summer. Every time you dispose of this organic "waste" you're taking the nutrients those plants pulled up out of the soil and throwing it away. Plus, you're destroying habitat for loads of important insects and fucking with the whole ecosystem.

The people who owned the house before us clearly raked and removed loads of leaves and clippings for the 30 years they lived in the house. The soil is practically sand. Just no nutrients left in it and very little ability to retain water.

People used to ask us why our soil in our old place was lovely rich nearly-black soil. The answer was that we didn't take our leaves up till mid April, after most insects didn't need them for hatching and hiding anymore, and they've broken down a fair amount of their nutrients into the soil. Then we'd mow up as much as possible and leave the chopped up leaves all over the lawn, to further break down and return the nutrients to the ground.

I've been looking for a rotatable compost bin for the new place, even though we're all small enough that rotating them can be sort of a pain in the ass.

But I'll confess that an ad-algorithm got me. I go on YouTube for 3 minutes, because my usual music streaming service was down and I do enjoy the "17th century villain" playlists on there, and I got an ad for an electric countertop composter.

This is not some kind of supported product placement on my part. The Lomi, which is the thing I saw an ad for, is a good $500 bought new, and I just flat out wasn't gonna do that.

But, I was curious enough to read some reviews, and then check craisglist. Lo and Behold, I found one for cheap, for sale from someone who bought and liked one, but also has an honest to god farm, and decided to go back to larger scale outdoor composting.

So, now we have a Lomi countertop composter.

You take the food waste from the day (our kiddo, Starling, eats a staggering amount of fruit, and a lot of eggs, so there's always shells, cores and peels and stuff laying around) and you put it in the bucket, and lock the lid, and push one button.

In two hours you have totally dry, totally broken down compost that smells almost like dry hay, ready to drop on the yard to put back in nutrients.

I'm a bit in love with it.

And, on top of that, it can break down dairy and meat. You shouldn't ever put cooked meat in your outdoor compost, because birds will try to forage it, and get cooked fat grease on their feathers, which they can't clean off and can lead to illness. They're not evolved to handle cooked meat. But this way the meat is all broken down and safe to put outside. Which means throwing less away, which is great.

I will say, we didn't put in the charcoal the first time, and it had the used up charcoal from the previous owner in there and THAT was a mistake. Made the whole house smell like sweet vinegar. Which could be worse, considering this is food rotting down, but it was terrible when it's too cold to even open a window.

You can get Lomi brand charcoal filters, but it's just little charcoal pellets, so I'll probably just buy some from the aquarium store when we run out. But this batch should last us several months.

The thing also came with Lomi "tablets". So far, we've used them. But I'm going to experiment with not using them at some point, since the webpage for the Lomi says you don't NEED them. They do genuinely add helpful bacteria and fungi to the soil, which is great, but I can buy soil improvers that can do that, much more economically, from my local urban farm supply in the spring. No branded little pellets required. Plus, with the lawn being under snow, and the processed compost having to go on top of the snow, I'm not sure how much of that bacteria would be surviving right now, anyways.

#Stormbrew House #compost #gardenblr #organic gardening

[lokisivy]

dRuNk (Eddie Munson)

.....

It was Halloween you and Eddie had been fake dating for 5 months it was initially made for you to get back at Steve after he cheated on you, and you would tell your friends about the place where Eddie preforms so he can get popular and famous.

Being popular wasn't easy especially when your boyfriend cheats on you; roomers start with

"He cheated on her because she got fat."

"I heard she is virgin"

"I heard she's a lesbian."

and they never stop so a comeback for steve was nice, he does it with nancy i "do it with school freak"

It was Halloween

you were dressed as a slutty cat, with a tight latex skirt, black lips and but honestly, eddies reaction to it made it worth it. He was practically drooling when he picked you up. you are friends and honestly, its the best thing you could ask for, he is funny, cute and fun.

Eddie was dressed as Eddie; he didn't care for a costume, you guys separated a bit at the party to talk to some friends.

you were going to the batroom to pee before you bump into Steve

"Sorry I-" steven said before looking down to you

"Y/N i didnt know you were here."

"Well I am i have to go." you started to walk away before you get away. Steve gets a hold of your shoulder

"Y/N wait, I want to talk to you."

"No steve no there is nothing to say here you cheated on me for some basic vanilla sex we had something amazing and you ruined it so don't come and tell me we need to talk you fucked up there is no fixing I'm with Eddie now and he is the best boyfriend I could ask for, and if you want to keep your arms i would suggest you remove them before he sees you." you said sternly

he lets go of your arm making you upset you go and get drunk because its the only thing that could keep you from crying.

you were sad because half of what you said was a lie. You wanted Eddie so badly, you liked him so much, but you were scared to tell him you didn't want to ruin your friendship

the testing during PDA in school didn't help just made you just crave him more

drink after drink you didn't stop untill Eddie came and saw how drunk you are

He grabs the cup from your hand making you frown

"Eddie!" You whine

"Darling you've had enough your wasted." He grabs your hand and walks you through the crowd to get to his van.

"Eddieeeeee!"

"Y/NNNNN come on now let's go."

"I have to pee."

"You can pee at home."

"No I'll piss myself and you want me to piss all over your van."

"Fine I'll come with you your not gonna sneak another drink."

He takes you to the bathroom and waited outside while you peed

You started to come down a bit from the adrenaline. Now all you feel is sadness. You started to cry uncontrollably. Keeping it all in just made it worse.

Eddie heard your sobs and got concerned.

"Y/N are you okay?"

He knocks

"Y/N I'm gonna come in."

He slowly opened the door knob and entered slowly.

"What wrong why are you crying?"

He closes the door and kneels next to you on the floor

"What happened love?" He said grabbing your face gently away from your hand.

"I can't keep faking this anymore and pretend that I'm fine and everything is okay that I'm happy and in love with you. It's too much Eddie. I got cheated on and I don't know why. I kept thinking of the possibilities but they are all bad I turn out to be the problem each time." You vent while trying to contain your sobs

"Sweetheart." He started hugging you, just having him hold you like that felt so safe.

"It's not your fault Steve is an idiot that fucker doesn't understand what he lost and one day he will when Nancy chooses Jonathan over him."

"You are beautiful and sexy any man or woman would be lucky to have you in their lives because you are the best thing that happened to me Y/N every day I wake up all I can think about is you and how I'm looking forward to picking you up or how I want to give you those fake kisses."

"Really?."

"Yeah."

"Now let's get you drunk ass home."

#eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson headcanon #eddie munson headcanons #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson smut #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie stranger things #eddie x reader #eddie x you #stranger things eddie munson #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #Spotify

[gurugirl]

The Tiffany Club Part 19

Summary: Camille thinks Harry is with another woman, but her knee jerk reaction has consequences, and Harry has a decision to make

Warning: Angst, mentions of disordered eating/thinking

Part 18*

Part 19 - Camille

Everything I do I second guess in my life. My parents instilled in me that kind of thinking. It’s gone with me my whole life. I never feel fully confident when making a choice. I always have in the back of my mind that I made the wrong one, that the other shoe will drop at any moment. My major in school - still rethink that every day. My life choices, moving away from home and to the big city – was that a good idea? The milkshake I inhaled with all that fat – is that gonna go directly to my thighs? Not believing in God anymore and disagreeing with my parents – what if Jesus returns after all and I’m doomed to hell? Taking the job at Tiffany’s – could this also damn my eternal soul? Leaving the job at Tiffany’s – was it wise to throw away solid income? Moving in with Harry – will he just break my heart and leave me for someone else?

The only decision I’ve ever made that I felt secure in was adopting Barry. With that in my mind, and checked into a hotel close to the airport, I booked a flight back to New York City for the following day. There was no way I could stay here in London. Harry was clearly with another woman, who was calling him Daddy. It broke my heart, shattered all over the floor and crushed underfoot. I was supposed to be his girl, not anyone else, but just hearing another woman say it to him and so clearly for me to hear? Was he trying to get me to hear it?

Having me leave was probably exactly what he wanted. This was his plan all along. I blocked Harry’s number, not quite ready to hear from him. I needed to wallow and feel the misery of my bad decisions. I knew better than to fall in love and give myself over to Harry the way I did. I’d go back to New York, get Barry and my things, leave the key for Harry to find and then figure out where I would go. Did I want to go back to Tiffany’s? Where would I stay in the meantime? Everything I worked so hard for was down the drain. This was my fear and it all has just come true.

After very little sleep, the following morning I get a taxi to the airport. The airport is only a ten minute drive away, luckily.

Sitting at the terminal, waiting for the plane to begin boarding I start thinking of all the decisions I’ve made that led me to where I am. I sigh and try to hold in my tears. I'm wondering what Harry did last night. Was he with that other woman? Did he take her back to his flat hoping I left? Or did he fuck her in a hotel room and was surprised when he got back to his flat and I was gone. My mind was unkind and I was feeling awful about everything.

I also had the sad reality of my jeans not quite fitting as well as they normally did this morning. All the food I’ve been eating, and that Harry insisted I eat, I regret. I hate the way I feel and the way I look. I hate myself for falling for Harry’s lies. I try to calm myself but there’s no use in it. I sling my bag over my back and I’m thankful I checked my suitcase as I pace around close to the gate. I left all the stuff Harry bought me at his flat. He had bought me a bunch of cute clothes, scarves, some jewelry, a purse… I can’t be bought, though. All of the expensive purchases he wasted his money on, I never wanted to look at the things he bought me again.

I took a deep breath and hear my phone ding with a text message. I look at the screen and it’s a text from Richard.

From Richard: Harry told me you left. Are you okay? I told him I’d reach out to you since he can’t get ahold of you. P.S. Barry and I are snuggled together on the guest bed right now – still early here.

I breathe out a curse from my lips as I read over the text. I wonder if I should inform Richard I’m coming back or wait until I’m a safe distance from London before letting him know. Out of respect for his time, and because Richard has been so very kind and helpful to me, I text him back to let him know my plans, which I’m positive he’ll relay to Harry. Not that Harry will care.

To Richard: Yes, I’m fine. I’ll be back to New York City and will come get Barry around 3 this afternoon. Thank you, Richard.

I don’t hear back from Richard right away. I continue pacing and work hard to suppress my thoughts about Harry being with another woman. I’m failing miserably, though. Nothing is okay in my world. The only thing holding me together is knowing that I’ll get to see Barry in about 8 hours.

The gate attendant begins making an announcement, so I make my way back to the area to be present for boarding. The announcement is difficult to hear at first, but once I’m back near the boarding area I hear the attendant repeat.

“Once again passengers for United Flight 170 to LaGuardia, we have been informed of a small cabin light malfunction and our engineers have been notified. I will update everyone soon about our delayed flight time once I know more. We apologize for the inconvenience.”

I am convinced I’ve been punked. This couldn’t be happening. Now I’m stuck at the London airport for a little longer. Hopefully the cabin light issue could be repaired quickly so I can get on the fucking flight and get out of here.

I decide to take a seat for a bit and breathe slowly. I needed to calm my nerves and I didn’t know what I could do. My skin was crawling and I felt like I was going to just burst and die right here in front of everyone.

Unlocking in my phone I log into my email and know there will be nothing to see. I begin to draft an email to my boss at Tiffany’s to see if she would be so kind to let me come back. I went back and forth with how to say it, deleting some lines and overthinking everything. Was I telling her too much? I didn’t need her to know all the details. She probably cared but not enough to know the full story. I deleted a line and then started over.

As I closed my eyes for a moment to get my dumb brain to calm itself and think of the best way to ask for my job back I hear my name being called and my heart leaps up into my mouth. I turn my head to see the man as he’s stalking toward me with a scowl. I put my phone into my bag and stand up to move away from everyone. Anger began to tip out of me and my calm demeanor moments before gone. I begin shaking with rage as I march up to him.

“Leave me alone!” I speak loudly, but not in a shout to draw too much attention. I’m seeing red and the way he’s looking at me, he seems just as angry.

He grabs my elbow and pulls me with him toward an open area and then he turns and speaks to me, his face is red and his hair a tangled mess on his head, “No, fuck you, Camille! What the fuck is this? Huh? You just leave? What am I to you that you felt this was necessary?”

“You with some other wom…” my shaky voice cut off at Harry’s louder, deeper voice.

“NO! That was NOT what happened. She was some drunk woman who followed me. And you! How dare you leave me. You don’t get to just leave me like that. Without fucking even listening or talking to me!”

I couldn’t help it when my tears began to finally fall. I shook my head and looked down and began to back away from him. I didn’t like the way he was talking to me, nor how he placed the blame on me when I heard the other woman call him Daddy.

I put my hand up and pointed it to his chest, “I heard her. She called you… are you fucking someone else?”

Harry ran his hands through his hair and laughed incredulously, he sounded devious, “I’m so fucking angry with you right now, Camille. Fuck you have no idea!”

I looked around and we had a small audience. Most people were minding their own business but there were those who were probably making sure our argument didn’t escalate further.

I tried to speak again, to tell Harry to leave and let me go but this time before I even opened my mouth I saw his eyes soften as he looked over my face and noticed my tears. He reached both of his hands out to me and pulled me into him.

I tired to stiffen under his hold but the bag I was carrying fell to floor as Harry wrapped his arms around me. He spoke into my hair, “You have got to learn how to trust, Camille. Trust yourself, and the decisions you make for once.” He stood upright and released one of his arms from around me and grabbed my chin to bring my face up to look at him, “Trust me! I’ve watched you put yourself through this bullshit back and forth in your head and you’ve got to stop it, Camille! You know I wouldn’t do that to you! Why can’t you trust me?”

I couldn’t stop the tears and I didn’t intend to make it something that softened Harry so much but it did. He shook his head and with both hands wiped my cheeks and I could see he was fighting his own tears.

“I heard her, Harry. Everything I was so scared of happening… where is she now?”

Harry frowned and shook his head, “I don’t know where she is. As soon as you hung up I hailed a taxi back to my flat last night. If you can’t trust me and believe me when stupid bullshit happens then there’s never going to be hope for us. I’m telling you, nothing happened with anyone last night. I have no interest in anyone, but you.”

“But why would she call you Daddy when I was on the phone with you? Did she think it was funny? Were you telling her that’s what I call you? Was it a joke? Because I can’t understand how you can have some random woman calling you Daddy while you’re on the phone with me. Explain it to me so I can understand.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and stood back. Harry closed his eyes and looked up at the ceiling and then back down to me, “She’s a colleague. Someone who flirts with me from time to time. She’d had a lot to drink last night and she came and sought me out as I was in the men’s bathroom. I didn’t realize she was following me and I certainly didn’t expect her to call me that. I swear, on everything, that’s the honest truth.”

“So you just have women calling you Daddy without knowing it’s sort of your thing? Did she just take a wild guess?” I felt like I was going crazy and having Harry swear that he didn’t do anything was confusing me. I wanted to believe him but my gut always told me to run at any sign of trouble. I wasn’t quite equipped to work through all my problems with better emotional intelligence.

Harry sighed and I watched him look down to his boots and then look at me with apology in his eyes, “She called the other night and I answered. When we were at the kitchen table and you were on my lap. Do you remember the call, while we were having sex?”

I did recall it. I remember I was on his lap and his dick was inside of me when he answered a work call. I nod.

“Yeah, well, when I thought I hung up, it turns out I did not and she heard you calling me Daddy. My colleague, overhead us. And so last night, she was three sheets to the wind, completely smashed and she heard that I was talking to you and… I don’t know exactly why she thought it was a good idea, but she was not in her right mind so I don’t think I can really explain why she did it, other than she heard us.”

I shook my head and squeezed my brows together, “Why didn’t you tell me that someone overheard us? And… so… the woman who called you, who you answered the call for while we were in the middle of having sex, heard us. Then last night flirted with you, followed you, and then called you Daddy when you were in the men’s bathroom?” None of this sounded good.

Harry clenched his jaw and shook his with heavy sigh, “Yes. I know how it sounds but… that’s what happened. She’s a bit of a flirt and… that’s it.” He shrugged his shoulders, his eyes on me, pleading for my understanding.

“I don’t know, Harry. I’ve been proven to be a bad judge of character time and time again. I want to believe you. But… I just…” I put my hands over my face closed my eyes to breathe. I couldn’t think.

“If I’d have done anything, Camille, I wouldn’t be here right now. I would be hiding with my tail between my legs. But the last thing I ever want is to do anything to hurt you. I’m in love with you. Does that not mean anything to you? I would never… Never!”

Harry was getting emotional again. I could see his hands shaking and his chest heaving. He put his hands on my shoulders and gently shook me, “You have to believe me. You’re everything I want. I want nothing to do with anyone else. No one is like you, Camille. No one!”

Suddenly Harry’s eyebrows shot up and he grunted as he dug into his coat pocket and pulled his phone out, “Here…” he fiddled with his phone, going into what looked like an email app. He scrolled down and then opened up the screen, turning it for me to see.

I read slowly, wiping the tears from my eyes.

Subject: Cindy Lauesen – Complaint & Dismissal

I regret to inform you that Senior Executive, Ms. Lauesen harassed me and caused a disturbance at the investor celebration last night. I am promptly releasing her of her duties at our firm and she will no longer be employed at Styles Capital. I ask that when she arrives to the office, please notify her of her dismissal and remove her building badge and keys. She may take fifteen minutes to pack her things before being escorted off the premises. I will follow up with required documentation at your first request.

Thank you,

Mr. Styles

I look up to Harry and hand him his phone back. My first, snap-judgement is that he’s covering and that this email is a fake. But then I look at his face and he’s waiting on my response to him.

"This is an email I sent at like, three o'clock this morning when I was beside myself for worry with you. Our HR person will take care of having Cindy fired and there are others that were there last night who can corroborate my story as well. I just need you to trust me and learn to feel secure with me, with yourself."

He’s right. I need to learn to trust myself and feel secure in my decisions. I made my decision when I moved in with him and when I left the club. I chose him and he hasn’t given me any reason to doubt him.

I take a deep breath and shut my eyes, “I’m sorry.” I whisper and then look up into his eyes, “You’re right. I have to learn how to deal with things in a healthier way. I’m just so scared that everything is too good to be true and I feel like running at the first sign of an issue.”

Harry stands for a moment, unmoving, and without expression. It has me worried. That maybe he’s not forgiven me for my immaturity. For running from him. For making him worry. I reach my hand out to hold onto his and I step forward and run my hand over his torso and then fall into his body, wrapping both arms around him, “I’m sorry.”

When he finally lifts his arms to wrap around me I begin to sob uncontrollably, not something I wanted to do but for some reason cannot seem to stop. He hugs me tightly to his chest and I feel him squeeze. We just stand together, holding one another for a few minutes. I can tell just by his arms around me and the way he’s got me against his body that he’s not planning on letting me leave. That even if he’s still angry with me, he’s forgiven me.

I look up to him when I realize something, “Did you book a ticket on the same flight?”

Harry shook his head and a weak smile came his face, “No. I booked a different flight to LaGuardia leaving in about,” he looks at his watch, “forty five minutes from now. It was the only way I could get into the international terminal before your flight, which is fully booked and was already supposed to boarding by the time I arrived. But man did I get lucky when I saw you sitting there still. I thought I’d be too late and then I’d have to get on that other flight and go after you that way. Which I was totally prepared to do. For you.”

I shook my head and looked back at the people sitting and still waiting for the plane before turning back to look at Harry, “Cabin light malfunction.” You smile.

“Thank god for malfunctions. Do you still want to go back to New York tonight? Or do you want to go back to my flat and finish off the rest of our London trip? “Harry put his hands over my neck and moved my hair behind my ears.

“Do you want me around still? I feel kind of bad and I spent all this money on the ticket and now you had spend money on a ticket… what… what do you want, Harry?” I shake my head at how my knee jerk reaction caused all of this drama.

“I would like us to go back to my flat and we can finish off our London trip. We can get credits for our flights, hopefully. But if not, well, thousands of dollars to the airlines. Maybe I can write it off, like a donation.” Harry chuckles and I just smile at him.

“Are you sure, Harry?” I bite my lip and keep my eyes on him.

“Yes. In fact, I’m not going to give you a choice. You and I have some things to discuss and you’re coming with me.”

I raise my brows, “Things to discuss? Like what we just discussed?”

Harry nods, “Yes. And we need to decide what kind of punishment you’ll be getting. Kind of a naughty thing to do to me. And I'm still super pissed at you. Like, very, very upset. And I know I didn’t do anything to deserve what you did. So, we’ll be going back to my flat.”

I gulp and nod. Of course, “What do I do about my suitcase? I’ve checked it already.”

Harry lifts his head and looks toward where the gate agent is and he drags me with him as we both approach he agent.

Harry not only persuades the gate agent to help with getting credits towards future flights for both of our current flights that he cancelled, but he also has them put in to have my suitcase returned to his flat by tomorrow afternoon.

Leaving the airport with Harry felt surreal in a way. This morning when I woke up, I didn’t think things would turn out like this. I didn’t foresee a minor flight delay, turning into Harry just catching me before I could leave, and then finally having him sweep me away back to his flat.

But here we are, hand in hand and meeting Harry’s driver. I keep myself attached to his side and even on the drive back to Harry’s I won’t let go. And Harry doesn’t seem to mind, his own arm around me as he keeps ducking down to kiss my head.

"Text Richard back, tell him you're staying." Harry said.

I look up to Harry, "Did he tell you I was at the airport?"

Harry scoffed, "Of course he did. I owe him one for reaching out to you and asking. I called him all out of sorts, woke him up from sleep. He didn't answer the first few times because he was sleeping, in fact."

Texting Richard back, I told him it was a false alarm and that I'd still be staying in London.

"Now apologize to him." Harry watched over my shoulder as I texted. Before hitting send I added in an apology and then the message was sent.

Harry reached down and grabbed my phone, removing it from my hand. I looked up at him with confusion as Harry put my cellphone into his coat pocket.

"Why did you take my phone, Harry?"

Harry looked down at me with a grin, "You're grounded. You don't get to have a cellphone until I'm ready to let you have it back."

I laugh, "Grounded?"

Harry's grin is gone from his face as he takes my chin in his hand, "That's what I said. You're not having your cellphone back until I'm ready to give it back to you. This will just be part of your punishment little girl. You have no idea what you've got in store for you when we get back."

Part 20*

Would you like to buy me a coffee?

Check out my masterlist if you enjoyed this 💕

Xoxo

#harry styles writing #ceo!harry #harry styles fan fiction #sugardaddy!harry #harry styles #harry fic #harry styles fanfic #ceo harry

[artzychic27]

Back at the Barnyard quotes for no reason

Jean: Hey, folks! Viewer mail time again! *Opens a latter* Here’s one from Sally, age 14. “Dear Jean, aren’t you interrupting the story at the most suspenseful part?” Well, the answer is yes, Sally. Yes, I am. Keep those cards and letters coming!

—

Science Kids: *Dressed in burglary gear and relaxing on a massage chair when Jagged Stone suddenly walks in* Jagged Stone?!

Jagged Stone: Yeah, I’m Jagged Stone. What are you all doing in my house?

Science Kids: … Robbing it.

—

Simon: All rise! Court is now in session! The honorable Judge Marc presiding!

Marc: *Sits at the desk and immediately bangs the gavel* Guilty! Now let’s get to the punishment!

Alya: You haven’t heard any evidence yet!

Marc: I don’t need evidence! I can tell she did it by her beady little eyes!

Marinette: *Nervously shifting her eyes*

Marc: But, if you’re gonna make a big deal about it… Prosecutor, proceed!

—

Austin Q: Hey, Denise. Can I teach you the dance of love?

Denise: Is one of the steps my foot on your neck? ‘Cause there’s a dance I could really enjoy.

Austin Q: Ooh! Shot down! *Backs away*

—

Simon: Hm. I guess stupid is contagious.

—

Cosette: We gotta ditch the body! He knows too much! We gotta take care of him!… We gotta whack him.

Aurore: There will be no whacking! Okay, Ivan’s a good guy.

Mireille: And he’s a vegan. God bless him.

Ismael: And, uh… What’s a vegan again?

Lacey: Ah, I got it. It means you can’t eat anything with a face.

Jean: No, no, that’s a vegetarian.

Cosette: I think vegetarians have to eat in the dark.

Reshma: That’s vampires.

Lacey: And, you can’t eat cheese?

Reshma: It’s not just cheese. Vegans can’t have any dairy products.

*Aurore silently freaks out when she notices Ivan starting to wake up, but the others are oblivious*

Denise: Cake has egg products.

Simon: But you can’t have any dairy.

Ismael: Aw, but I love dairy! Does that mean I can’t be a vegan?

Marc: I love the smell of bacon! There, I said it!

*Ivan wakes up, and the students gasp*

Ivan: Huh? What’s- *Denise kicks him in the head, effectively knocking him out*

Aurore: WOULD YOU NOT DO THAT?!

Denise: It’s not like we have a lot of options.

—

Aurore: We gotta snap him out of this. Okay, Jean’s family. He’s like the crazy uncle we never had.

Cosette: Uh… Right… I never had a crazy uncle…

*Flashback*

*Five year old Cosette is listening to their crazy uncle speak utter nonsense*

Crazy Uncle: The Easter bunny has betrayed me! We’ll have to close the beaches! You can’t close the beaches, we’re a summer town! Get these turtles outta my head, PLEASE! Aaand, linge! *Starts line dancing while scatting* Dah Dah! Yah Doo! Dah Dah!

*End flashback*

Cosette: *Shudders*

—

Denise: *As four Akumas stalk toward them* Well, well. Whatever will I do? *Drop kicks all of them without moving from their spot*

—

Kim: I prechewed it so you wouldn't waste jaw energy.

Adrien: ... So the sandwich in my mouth was previously in your mouth?

Kim: Nice taste, eh?

—

Adrien: Hey, anybody ever notice that Ladybug and Marinette are never together at the same time?

Alya: You're really 31 flavors of dumb, aren't you?

—

Shadow Moth: Hey! Who's there?

Ladybug: Your worst nightmare.

Chat Noir: And Chat Noir!

—

Austin A: No, I don't wanna get eaten, I'm too young! Too young!

Austin B: Dude, you're not gonna get eaten.

Austin A: What, you're saying I wouldn't go nice with some low-fat chips and a cherry cola?

—

Ismael: *To Bubbler* You got rid of the only people standing between us and shallow graves so we can celebrate the day this guy *Points to Adrien* came into the Earth?

—

Nathaniel: *Whispering* Whatever you do, do not eat the... *everyone runs and eats Louis' mini pizzas* ... All right. I guess they're all right.

Louis: I hope you like them. I made them with love... and flaming hot chili sauce! *All of the students start screaming as they try to cool their tongues down*

Marc: *Completely calm and eating another mini pizza* Man, you guys are lightweights.

—

Aurore: I don't buy it. There's no way Marinette pushed Lila down the stairs. Come on, let's go solve the case of the pushed Italian.

Denise: I don't know, Aurore. That's really going to cut into my weight-lifting time.

Aurore: I'll bring snacks.

Denise: I'm in!

—

Alix: *After Louis leaves* He's gone, but you can still smell the stupid.

—

Alix: Hey, what did you use in that energy drink?

Marinette: Milk.

Max: Vitamins.

Rose: Love.

Alix: And...?

Kim: And these pepper shakers. *Holds up a stick of dynamite*

Alix: That's not pepper, that's dynamite!

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous #mlb incorrect quotes #science kids #akuma class #incorrect quotes #remember this show? #Loved it #nostaligia #nostalgia #back at the barnyard

[bethanysnow]

Crying on prom night. prt 1.

(this happens the year before S4)

Eddie Munson wasn’t what you would call a ‘participant’ in social norms. Stood on his soap box many times about how everything is there to kill creativity and freedom and individual expression. This was his year after all! And he was going to make a point and not go to Prom.

Thinking this of course staring at the poster for ‘Under the stars Prom night’. He scoffed. Such a fucking dumb theme. Should be like....vampires or something. Eddie walked to the spot behind the bleachers and lit a cigarette before class where he normally met with Y/n. The girl of his dreams- just she didn’t know that. She didn’t need to. He didn’t want her to know! Stop asking!

....

anyway-

She was just his friend. Originally assigned to help tutor him with English they became inseparable. With Hellfire club when he adopted all the lost sheep it became a thing half jokingly of he was Dad and she was Mom. Y/n drove a pinto that fit about most everyone in Hellfire with space for snacks. Eddie could tell she had arrived as Elton John or Abba or some pop trash was coming up from the side parking lot. Turning his head to see the girl get out of her car and walk to where she knew he would be. God she was beautiful.

Y/n wasn’t what you’d call conventional. Conventionally attractive, conventionally intelligent, she was a great student just had horrible grades. She didn’t subscribe to the diet culture or the idea’s on the radio or magazines that thinness was the goal to be worthy of shit. It was fucking bullshit and they both knew it. The popular kids though never got that, making it their mission to ruin peoples day. Eddie knew he was in love with her when she stood up to Jason and his goons.

~~

“What are you gonna do about it you fat fuck?” Jason yelled in her face.

     “What am I going to do about what? Jason- sweetheart you are a couple years away from loosing your hair and missing the glory days so I’d suggest you shut up and leave me alone-” Y/n stated, so calm but stern as all the eyes in the cafeteria turned to look.

“And what if I don't? You gonna cry about it? Run off to that freak boyfriend of yours? Make freak babies in that van? Hahaha- I just wanna know what you see in him? Then I’ll get out of your way-” Shrugging and making a grand motion like a actor on stage.

     “Me? Well 1. Eddie isn’t my boyfriend and 2. I bet hes got a bigger dick than you and that's why your obsessed- hmm that’s it isn’t it? You can’t stand that people outside of the culture here are living happy lives. Because you are gonna be fucking wasting air and die of a heart attack by your mid 50′s and daddy’s money won’t last that long now will it?” She cooed at the man standing above her. “Ahh tough luck-”

The rest of the basketball team started to arrive behind him crowding her vision. Jason rolls back spitting on her face. She simply wipes it off, setting down her lunch bag on a nearby table. Staring into the boys eyes. As he stares back waiting for a response- pain....all he feels is pain...in his dick. Wincing he clutches his crotch and falls to the ground on his knees as the wind is knocked out of him. She leans down real close to his face.

   “Get in my way again I will cut your bits off and throw them in the locker room so everyone can see just how small you are....k?” Returning to that once customer service smile she grabs her lunch and walks to the hellfire table. Eddie having watched this entire interaction has now a raging boner and his heart beating outside his chest.

Fuck!

~~

“Hey honey!” Y/n smiled as she greeted the guitarist. He was always honey, hon, honey-bun, some form of that. He asked why once, but never got a reply from her straight out.

  “Mornin birdy- want one?” Offering her a smoke. She shook her head no motioning to her outfit. She was always birdy, or song bird, blue bird, anything that sang. Because while Eddie could kind of hold a tune Y/n sang. Now admittedly it wasn’t like the folks on the radio, but it made her smile and that’s all Eddie needed.

“Mom’s got family pictures at the mall after school and if she smells I’ve been smoking she’ll have my head. Not exactly how I want to spend an evening. But- you know-” Eddie looked down her body and he couldn’t help but laugh, A white and yellow striped dress with brown penny loafers? Nothing like what he knew his girl liked. “Yea yea I know- It’s awful! I look like im in the sears catalog!” Rolling her eyes “She wouldn’t even let me use black eyeliner!” Putting a hand on her hip and pinching her nose “Y/n I raised you better than that- I didn’t say anything when you started hanging out with those...hooligans but this is for family photos and you need to look nice” Mimicking her mothers voice.

Eddie was bent over laughing trying to not fall over. Standing up he clasped his hands behind his back and pretended to push up imaginary glasses “Yes Y/n that Munson boy is a bad influence-” mocking her father. Both of them were in a fit of giggles till they were interrupted by the bell. Stomping out the smoke they went inside.

Walking down the hallway the prom committee were busy vandalizing the hallways with silver stars and navy blue construction paper. Eddie rolled his eyes and Y/n noticed.

“What? you not going to prom?” She asked.

     “Why should I? Its a gathering of the student body in effort to recreate a coming of age ritual- its stupid. I am a man because I say so! Also- its tacky”

“Says the guy who thought zebra striped pants was a good look for the summer. But I thought-”

     “-NO! it totally was! You just didn’t see my vision!” Slapping a hand on her shoulder as he stopped in front of Mrs. Price’s science class. “I will see you at lunch yes?” She nodded and he grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles “Till then my lady~” grinning as he walked in the door.

Y/n sighed as she took out two slips of paper from her bag. Yea- maybe at lunch she could ask him.

Admin 2. Hawkins high school

 Prom: ‘Under the stars’

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson #stranger things #eddie munson x plus size reader

[prnanxiety]

11/29/23

I was in the cafeteria today, eating a chicken pita or something, when I saw a nurse I recognized sitting maybe 40 feet away. Staring at her phone, texting, etc. I stared at her for a while trying to remember where I'd seen her before. After about 5 minutes of mentally placing her in different situations in my head, it clicked; She was a travel nurse back at my first job as a nurse, during the pandemic.

I remember that job bitterly. The pandemic erupted in the middle of my last year of nursing school, interrupting valuable (and expensive) clinical rotations and replacing them with paperwork. Missing half my clinicals for that reason, then suddenly graduating into the middle of the storm, with all the older nurses quitting from the stress and leaving units dangerously understaffed, and only by new nurses who had no clue what the fuck they were doing. And then the pandemic ends, and suddenly everyone is pissed off that you don't know how to do your job unless the house is on fire, like we all as a nation didn't just collectively limp out of a pandemic together.

Since she was a traveler, she probably expected to do what every other travel nurse was expecting to do in those years; Collect a fuckall fat paycheck and not worry about the house burning down. So if I go up to someone like her and ask her for help, or did I do that right? To someone like her, its a hassle at best. At worst, it's a sign that I'm a bad nurse who doesn't need to be in this field.

Nursing is a whole field that teaches students "Actually everything you learn in school is just the 20% you need to know to make sure you don't kill someone on your first day. You learn everything else on the job." We graduated into a clusterfuck the likes of which the field had never seen before. All of medicine was in "Fuck it, figure it out mode." I actually can't even get into it all right now, not in one post. I've thought about writing a book, actually, but that's neither here nor there.

I just kinda sat there, wondering if I should go talk to her. "Hey, uh, did you work on that unit back then? Yeah? What was your name again? I knew I recognized you!" And then, how does the conversation go from there? "Oh yeah you were really curt with me when I'd try to help you, and you wouldn't talk with me about what I did wrong, you'd scold me for 'stepping on your toes' and then not help me understand. I really wanted to understand, you know. Why didn't you do that?" Or what does she say to me? Is it gonna be "Oh its good to see you!" Or is it gonna be "Oh, you're that moron who should never have been made charge nurse."

I ended up getting up and leaving without saying anything. I don't know how to confront it. It's this prevailing attitude, this curse on the field of nursing that so many people secretly accept, and maybe embrace for reasons I'll never understand. "Being a dick to new nurses is totally acceptable and we should all do it, especially when they're unconfident and nervous and things are going wrong."

Part of me wants to think I'm part of the problem for not reaching out to her, but damn! There was all that time during her contract when I was desperately reaching out to her, and to everyone! If I was a less than optimal nurse back then it was not for lack of effort or care!

It's like she represents this larger problem to me, that if I leave my current unit to go work somewhere else, looking for more skills to add to my repertoire, that I could just as easily land on a unit of people who sees me trying to learn and asking questions as a waste of their time. Maybe I can work with the house on fire, but how can anyone work through this?

Maybe she saw me too, maybe she didn't. Maybe that's why she didn't say anything to me either, actually.

Oh but before I end this entry I want to include something funny about work though actually. A patient at work is delusional and manic and has delusions of grandeur. My man is convinced, absolutely convinced that I am a rockstar, whom he's seen perform, who's just laying low and chilling and not really touring anymore. He was asking me about a video game appearance I made, and how was touring europe? Did you stop shredding? No matter how many times I politely told him he was mistaken, he wouldn't take no for an answer. "Riiiiiight..."

Towards the end of my shift, he asked me to get him some nicotine gum, and I apologized because he asked me for some an hour ago, and I said I'd go get some right away, and got completely side tracked. My bad. So observed, while I was scanning it all for him, "You look like you've had something on your mind this shift." I sighed. He was right, I'd been arguing with a friend on my phone. And I told him "yeah, you know, etc." He said "Look. Listen, when you get home, I want you to sit down, relax, taking a deep breath... And play your guitar." I just had to hand him the gum and walk away.

Hey, this journal is my guitar, maybe.

#dear diary #diary entry #nursing #psych #psychiatry #psychosis #nurse #schizophrenia #bipolar #delusional #pandemic #covid19

[jimothy-g-brooks]

Fictional Quotes I Made Up

"I am fat, clumsy and I barely know how to hold this sword. I am shaking in my knees and right about to piss myself. I am the last person that should be here and yet here I am. 

 "And if I'm willing to stand up to you, bastard, who else do you think will?"

~

"I have a steel rod shoved through my sternum. I am still standing. 

"Who amongst you has it in them to fuck with me?"

~

"You want to know my story? Alright, well... One day, I became angry. 

"I have not stopped."

~

"You stabbed me. I'm trying to patch you up and you stabbed me. You're not a very good person, are you? 

"... Well, you didn't stab me well enough, so hold still, I'm not done stitching you up."

~

"And you killed her because she was being mean to you?" 

"No, I killed her because she and her gang had been murdering and robbing helpless schmucks and were right about to murder a child over a rare animal. 

"I took great pleasure in killing her because she was mean to me."

~

"I understood that my friends and I had stopped many Ends. We stopped these Ends before they could begin. But I also knew this World was marked with Ends that had to be stopped in the middle, Ends that just petered out and lost steam, and Ends that only ended right before it took everything else with it. And afterwards, the World had to pick itself back up and start over from the Beginning."

~

"You may ask, 'Why call yourself the Second Greatest Lover?' Because there was a contest, it was official, with judges. Any man can call himself the Greatest Lover, any man can pull out a disc of polished brass and call it gold. Only a real competitor can show you his silver."

~

"That was for Thomas Wilkins, the driver, who I couldn't save.

"That was for Alice Wilkins, his widow, who still had leftovers of their wedding cake. 

 "And this? This, I imagine, is going to be for a lot of other people, so we're going to be here for a while."

~

"I said they were incompetent, not that they weren't dangerous. They're probably going to kill us and still bungle whatever they're after. Probably the same thing we're after, so we'll be dead and it will bungled."

~

"Your doubts were wrong, but you were not wrong to doubt."

~

"I didn't ask. I already knew everything I needed to know about that place. Enough to get in, hurt everything I wanted to hurt, grab (rescue) everyone I wanted to grab, plus extra, and get back out."

~

"He didn't go mad with power. He went mad with worry." 

 "What was he worried about then?" 

"All that power, mostly."

~

"I trust very easily. Everyone who's ever betrayed me, I killed immediately. That means, everyone who is left is trustworthy."

~

"They looked into the Abyss and the Abyss stared back. When they refused to blink, the Abyss stabbed syringes into their eyes and injected crazy straight into their brain. 

 "You believed yourself strong enough of will and integrity to withstand the Abyss? Fuck you and go mad."

~

“I came to the maddening realization that everyone is an asshole, except me. And therefore, anything I do to them is morally justified because they are assholes and I am not.”

~

"Yes, I kill them. Quickly, painlessly, without making them wait in dread. What are you going to do? Put them in jail for the rest of their lives so they waste away slowly? Put them on death row so they spend all of their last drawn-out moment in terror? 

"I give mercy. One last mercy."

~

"It's all fun and games."

"Until someone gets hurt?"

"Well yes, I suppose after that the best part's over, isn't it?"

~

"I ain't gonna tell nobody how they can exit the world. 

"Unless they piss me off, then I tell them very directly how they can exit the world."

~

"So, what's that pillar of purple smokey looking light coming out of the ground there?" 

"That's a pillar of pure Darkness, blacker than the black night sky."

"Oh yeah, I guess it kinda feels like it's supposed to be dark and stuff but then, uh, why is it purple?"

"Everyone knows purple is more black than black."

"Oh yeah, that checks out."

~

"Unfortunately, because the building partially sits on a half-formed rift with a fairy tale like realm, the bathroom doesn't exist until somebody owns the place. Also, it keeps changing places. Upside is, as the owner, you'll always know where that place is."

~

"My older brother always stood up for me when creeps got too close to me. Most of them were weak and cowards, but my brother stepped up to one who wasn't and now he's dead and that creep did whatever he wanted. 

"So I got really good and I got really strong and one day I got the jump on that creep that killed my brother. As he laid dying, he told me, 'That's the thing, I got to do whatever I wanted because I was stronger and I could kill them if they tried to stop me. Now it's your turn to whatever you want.'

"And you know what? He was right. I'm gonna do whatever I want. And I wanna help people who ain't got no help, get people out of trouble who don't deserve it and stop sleazy creeps who think they can do whatever they want because no one will try and stop them. 

"And if anyone tries to stop me? I'll kill 'em."

~

"You might realize I have a somewhat morally complicated past. At some point, you see, I realized I was on the wrong side and that I was one of the bad guys."

"And that's when you defected and joined up with us?"

"Oh. Oh no no no. That's when I decided to double, triple and quadruple down and said 'Fuck it'. I was already mid-atrocity when I realized, 'Oh wait, this is an atrocity,' and purposefully, mindfully abandoned the moral code I thought all my comrades had instead of just doing it accidentally because I didn't know better.

"It took a while longer after that for me to realize I didn't have to play this game but by then I'd already 'Fucked it' down a pretty deep hole and was pretty fucked. But now I'm here helping you guys out! Think you can help me out?"

"Ah. Um.”

~

1 "I'm going to defeat you with the power of this idiot." 

2 "Hi there!" 

3 "Exactly how dumb is he?"

1 "Incredibly."

2 "It's nice to meet you, sir!"

3 "Oh god."

~

"I know you, one has become a monster because monstrous things have been done to you. Evil was poured into you and evil was all that could be poured out. 

"And I know you as well, one who was born a monster and never given a choice at all. Fate denied you the capacity to feel love or empathy at all. 

"It's okay, I understand. I know these things very well and you are by no means uniquely wicked. It's not your fault, you poor, lost creatures. It's no one's fault. 

"Ssshhh, don't struggle. I don't want it to hurt. Just close your eyes, it will be like going to sleep. I hope your dreams are sweet, even if everyone else says you deserve nightmares. I hope that, when you wake up, it's in a happier life with a more complete mind, that you'll smile and spread smiles around you.

"It's alright, it's alright. You are so full of hurt, so full of pain, but now it's all going stop. I absolve you of your pain and your hurt. I absolve you of your sin. I forgive you. Even if all the men of Earth and all the angels of Heaven do not, I forgive you.

"Go now and be at peace, lost children."

~

"Hear me, little angel. The world is empty and dark and cruel, there is no meaning to it, no morality, save that which we give it. Out there, there is nothing and you will find nothing. Do not wait for answers from gods in Heaven, you will find only silence. You want a god to worship, then look at me, look at your friends around you, look at the people on street, look into the mirror. The answers have always been within you or well within your reach or just a walk away. 

"Hear me, little godling. You, me, they, we are the fire that burn in the darkness. We are all there is, we are all that matters. If you want to believe in something, believe in the things you see and seek their exaltation. You want to worship, then take this, the world in front of you, and raise it far above all your imagined Heavens. You want immortality in Paradise, then leave your mark on a bettered world that will never be forgotten."

~

"Myself and a dozen others were stranded deep in the wilderness, far away from civilization. To survive, we all banded together, a sensible decision. 

"I got into a dispute with one man and he attacked me, so I killed him. It was self-defense, everyone agreed, somewhat nervously. Then, his lover tried to avenge him, so I killed her too.

"Now it seems I had defended myself two too many times. One man petitioned I be removed from the group and left to fend for myself in the wilderness, a death sentence.

"After two incidents, everyone was quite emotional and it seemed he was making good headway in his cause. My life was threatened, so I killed him as well and made it clear I would not let myself be left to die.

"Someone else decided I was too great a threat to their safety and tried to kill me in my sleep. I killed them. The remaining survivors were now well and truly emotional, but I felt my actions had been quite reasonable.

"They disagreed, they tried to leave me on my own as I slept and find a new shelter without me. Again, this was tantamount to killing me, so I moved to defend myself.

"I tracked them down and I killed two more. I made it clear by this point to all that were left that I would allow them to survive if they allowed me to survive. A very fair and equal trade, I would think. 

"Why am I the bad guy?"

#quotes #not morally correct #just interesting #interesting quotes #original fiction #not one hundo on the exit the world quote if i'm the original author #i'm pretty sure about all the others ones tho

[n0toverit]

huge fat fat giant rant spoiler! i will cry myself to sleep again :D

i’m so sad every day i feel more and more like he doesn’t want me and i have no reason to feel that way other than the fact that i haven’t seen his face or heard his voice or been able to look at him and hold him when we’re talking all i have is text and it makes me feel like he doesn’t want me and he’s bored of me and i’m gonna be replaced for no reason like he has his own life like i have mine and we’re 45mins away from eachother and i don’t see him everyday like when we first started going out he would come 20mins away to hang out with me after his classes that are all online now so i only see him one day a week and it hurts me so much but i don’t know how to talk to him about it without feeling like i sound so selfish and like the biggest baby ever but all i ever want us to be with him more than anything and i can’t which makes me so sad and upset i feel like he doesn’t feel anything close to how i feel about it which makes me feel worse because what if that’s the same how i love him with everything i have and he doesn’t feel that way i’m scared i’m gonna have to find out so late or that the once a week is gonna drive him away from me and he’ll find someone prettier and skinny and smarter and closer to him i hate bringing it up because i never ever ever wanna tell him how often this happens but every now and then i genuinely sit and think if i should break up with him so he won’t feel like he has a chore instead of a girlfriend i feel like i have nothing to offer other than sex once a week and wasting gas but i don’t think i could ever be without him or realistically ever have that conversation because it makes me sit and cry for so long just thinking about it and i feel so dramatic because nobody ever understands how i actually feel i just get told i’m too dramatic it over emotional what the fuck am i supposed to do i’m not being dramatic if this is how i actually feel i’m not crying by myself for hours to be dramatic if i wanted to be dramatic it would be in front of everyone if i can’t control how i feel my feelings and emotions i’m not being dramatic or a big baby i hate it so much i hate everyone having to be some breakdown i have i’m so tired of it and i feel like i can’t tell anyone because they won’t take me seriously i’m scared to tell him how i’ve been feeling i’m so scared that’s just gonna be his tipping point and i won’t have him anymore and i have no reason to think that but it’s so hard

[belltrigger]

bejesus christ I can only fat finger my phone rip I didnt add the prompt :')

but a comfort for Ingo making a basic mistake because his time in hisui makes his head go mush. Maybe he done goofed and forgot that current day type match ups are different for some mons or just like he has a break down over not being able to do something as simple as paperwork 👀

mmm fucken can I get uhhhh hush drabs 👀 I may or may not be also going mmmm drawing inspiration :0

-Send me a “Hush” and I’ll write a drabble about one character comforting the other (from fear or grief)

I gotchu Dingo! (´▽`ʃ🖤🤍ƪ)

Also I know the prompt list is technically for only 100 words, as a test or something, but I will just write until I'm done for these heheheh~

Prompt for you, here we go!

Title: Direct from the Source Word count: 1,067

He had cost them a victory today.

During a decisive choice, he'd recalled the Pokémon he was using and swapped it with one he was certain would be a perfect match. But Emmet's confused and small 'huh?' had snapped his awareness onto the Pokémon they actually were fighting, and he regretted the move instantly.

It was another overlap from his time in Hisui. A double image that blocked out what he was actually seeing with memories and instincts from his time in a foreign land. A time where he was deeply alone and fought single battles only.

Of course he had tried to pull the win with his choice anyway, but Emmet had not expected the change or even the Pokémon choice, and they'd lost even with his twin's valiant effort. Emmet had glanced at him after their loss, but he couldn't bear to look his twin in the eyes, so he didn't truly know what expression sat on his face.

A most embarrassing and unforgivable action, wasting Emmet's time and skill.

After an awkward moment of silence, he lifted his head, hand to his brim and gave their challenger the praise that they deserved! No matter what mistakes he made in the battle, they had still managed to win their way to them. They looked rallied at the louder-than-he-wanted praise, nodded and promised they were gonna make it to the end of the line. Stepping apart to let the trainer through, he otherwise kept his eyes away from Emmet's face.

The door slid shut behind the trainer, and he closed his eyes as the frustration overcame him in waves. "Emmet, I am so sor-"

"Ahhh~hhhh, that fight was hard!" Emmet interrupted him with a loud sigh and his hands stretched above his head. Surprised, he turned to face his twin, finally looking at him. As he did so, Emmet heavily dropped one arm over his shoulders, grabbing the far one and tugging Ingo to him.

"It was my fault."

"Stoppit." Emmet tipped his white hat back on his head and bonked his forehead against Ingo's temple. "Look at me."

Forehead against his temple and arm around his shoulders, it was a slightly awkward demand. But at his movement to turn and face Emmet fully, his younger twin let go. He didn't pull away, kept the same close distance, head tilted, giving him a closed-eye smile.

When few memories came to him about his brother at their reunion, he'd spoken to a few of the long-time employees of the Station where they apparently were bosses. In his heart, he knew Emmet was the most important person in the entire world to him. But the memories deeper than that refused to reveal themselves to him. He knew nothing about the man that he would give his life for.

If his own response to the lack of memories about someone so key in his life was utter despair, how would Emmet respond? So he'd done some questioning and one of the major things he kept returning to was "Emmet loves winning more than anything else."

To cause this loss, it was another disappointment he would burden on Emmet. Another mark on him that showed he wasn't the man Emmet had cried for, the man Emmet had wanted to embrace so tightly when they'd come back together.

"A smile for me costs zero dollars, Nii-san." Emmet said as he brought his hands up to take hold of his arms. His hat was still tipped back, showing the difference in their hairline. Emmet was still so young. They were twins, but....

When he hesitated, Emmet swept him up in a tight hug, hard enough to knock both of their hats off. In his surprise, he didn't pause, returning the embrace naturally. At his returned grip, Emmet laughed, the short exhalation tickling his ear.

"You're being silly, Nii-san."

He turned his head slightly, but Emmet kept his face tucked into the crook of his neck. They stood that way for a few minutes, Emmet's grip shifting to wrap around his hips. It allowed him to shift his own grip slightly, the hug becoming softer, less about keeping him grounded. "Silly?"

"Mm." Emmet nodded, nuzzling his ear now. "Why are you getting so upset over a loss?"

"You love winning more tha--" That finally caused Emmet to lift his head, giving him an incredulous look. He frowned, as best he could with cute upturned mouth, and then bonked his forehead against him once more. "Ow."

"If you think winning is more important than you, you need more bonks." Emmet's attempt at a serious face while saying that proved too much for him. He began to laugh, would have doubled over if Emmet hadn't been holding him. "I mean it!" He couldn't answer for a full minute; every time he looked at Emmet's attempt at a frown, he was just overwhelmed with fondness and love for his twin. He couldn't help the bubbling laughter, his worry dissipating from his chest like fog.

When he could finally control himself enough to speak, he wiped a tear from his eye. "I am sorry, Emmet. I didn't mean to laugh at you. I was being silly, wasn't I?" Emmet nodded at him, still serious. "But I made a silly mistake, so I do still want to apologize for that. I will ensure we have no more unnecessary losses."

"If you understand, then I guess it's okay!" Emmet said before placing a kiss against his lips. Unsatisfied with that, he kept Emmet close, giving him a deeper kiss. Whether it was as compensation for losing, or to reacquaint himself with more of his twin, even he wasn't sure. But Emmet melted into it with a pleased sound, and that was all he needed.

After they broke the kiss, they placed their foreheads against each other and just stared for a moment. They wouldn't be needed in the final car for some time, if at all, so they were afforded this time together. He still didn't feel comfortable telling Emmet the extent of his memory loss, but hopefully he would learn straight from the source instead of outsiders from now on.

#blankshipping #prompt asks #dingo-on-a-farm #a lot of Japanese fanart has Ingo calling everyone -sama and even Emmet when he's first reunited with him #I think that is both a cool idea and terribly sad #just know in my head Ingo is calling him Emmet-sama #angst #sumairu wa 0 yen desu. #blankshipping prompt fic #Bell Fic

[arttrampbelle]

Cw: vent

Vent time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mk11 doesn't have plotholes

IT HAVE PLOT CHASMS. PLOT ABYSSES.

Plots so huge,so confusing,so stupid. It makes the old sub zero mythologies,and special forces side games look like decent plots.

The only thing good about it is the og actor is back as shang but even then it's still painful.

9,story is garbage. But the gameplay is amazing.

10,gameplay is out of this world. Story is mid,horrible for some characters but solid main big boss. Online i heard is better than 11. But i hate online competitive gameplay. It kinda sucks the fun away. And not worth it. Plus the amount of guest characters because they killed half the roster. It's ridiculous. And unnecessary. So yeah.

11. *breathes in*. 11. Again they knew the story was crap,half baked. So they made a whole ass expansion to a lukewarm story nobody cared for. To retcon a retcon THEY MADE. And guess what? It's that "we are gonna take everything you love about this series and take a huge fat shit on it. For profit" if you like shang tsung,you may love 11. But even then it feels off. But again thats the best they can do. And you damn well we ain't gonna have this again. If there ever will be a 12. Because at this point im not so sure. And honestly i don't care if they dont make a 12.

It would be a shame. But honestly I'd rather take a non canon ACTUALLY GOOD MK GAME. no bullshit. No fillers. No guest characters. No micro transactions. Just a good ol fashioned mk game. Pick a character,pick an arena,and fight. No complicated over explained story. Simple and to the point. Let the audience and players make a story. Or at least,bring back the spirit of mk. Bring back the ACTUAL CHOOSE YOUR DESTINY part in mk,with more than 2 choices. More than "good" vs "evil" actually have real constructive morally grey areas. Like it's not that hard.

Like get better writers. Fr.

Wattpad has better writers than you NRS.

WATTPAD!

You had 30yrs to get it right. 30!

Almost as old as i am.

Fr. No excuses. You are a decent,multibillion company. Or at very least a professional one. Your servers should be always up to date. You should have things actually in a row. The basics at least.

Like there is no excuses on being sloppy.

This isn't just about mk. This is also from a business perspective.

If you know your story isnt solid. Get better writers. Or tell your writers to stop relying on dumb tropes. And have actual creativity.

You can make things modern without pandering.

You can have nods to nostalgia without pandering too.

Subtle is better.

Cheeky one liners you cant rely on.

If the motives aren't solid. Then things fall apart.

Like they knew that if they dont bring back shang tsung as a big bad boss. It would suck.

Because how can they top corrupt form shinnok. Let's be honest....that was badass.

Nothing was ever really changed. And its a waste of time.

We get nothing but absolute perfection from tagawa's performance. But other then him. Mk11 is weak af.

So again. You like cary hiroyuki tagawa? Good. You're in luck. You like shang tsung? He's the man of the hour.

If you like anything else,anybody else,NRS said fuck you.

Which sucks. Because as a shang tsimp. It pisses me off that that's all they relied on.

And they can't pull that shit again. Because people will know. They already probably do.

They rely on cheap gimmicks,to prey on non mk fans,new fans who haven't touched mk in their whole ass existence and are just getting into it,and y'all fall for it. Because people seem to have short attention spans and need their gatcha fix no matter how poor quality.

Like im sorry. Even if you are new. Have better standards in storytelling. This is a professional company. They shouldn't be worse then us fans telling fart jokes in a fanfic about silly fighting game characters in colorful jammies.

Im just saying.

Im done venting now.

#mortal kombat #vent #cw vent #mk discourse

[thepringlesofblood]

heroforge hoes: pt 1(?)

i keep making guys in heroforge. i don’t know why. is this what ocd is???? i can’t stop????

anyway. i want to share these so that I can stop working on them. so that I can go “there. it is done. it has been put out into the world, and it is complete. stop adjusting tiny little things and do your fucking homework. or eat. or sleep. or shower.”

also, i am weirdly proud of them. but the point of me posting them is so that my brain will consider them “finished” and will stop adjusting every. little. thing.

99% of these are blorbos from my various shows. these are the ones I will be posting (in a series of posts so I don’t waste ALL of today), bc part of this obsession seems to be with getting things “right” - i.e. accurate to the source material. by solidifying one representation of them, and throwing it out into the internet, i’m filing them away under “vetted and approved.”

so please, please, please do not comment “oh you missed this actually :)” no matter how well meaning. keep it to yourself. I guarantee you, I have already thought of it and attempted to do a heroforge representation of it somehow. it’s a good system but it is limited. compliments are fine just. i can’t fix these. fix them yourself if you want but don’t tell me about it.

I’m going to do screenshots as well as links. heroforge is a free service and doesn’t have any ads or anything so it’s not gonna throw a bunch of popups at you. (you can buy heroforge pro but it just unlocks some extra stuff and early access).

For this one I’m going to start with just posting my good omens characters.

one of the first guys i made was Aziraphale, and I’m pretty proud of how he turned out

I was kind of PO’d that I couldn’t put the watch in his jacket but I think it worked out fine. I was originally going to give him a full afro (I’ve always liked the afro = halo look in aziraphale art) but the one they had kind of blocked off part of his face so I went with a shorter one. still a great style, just didn’t really work for me.

One thing I do wish heroforge had is the option to give a character stretchmarks*. I’ve always loved the headcanon of aziraphale with golden stretchmarks. I cobbled together these two options from other kinds of body decals, and I think they’re decent, but still. hf lets you make your characters pretty fat but the proportions can get a little fucky sometimes, especially when you consider that these guys were designed to be 3d printed.

*whenever I complain about heroforge not having something, understand that I am both a. very appreciative of it as a free, kickstarted service with limited staff and time and a variety of options for players of many different cultures, play styles, campaign settings, abilities, gender identities, etc. and b. thinking every goddamned day about the TWENTY-ONE discrete kinds of eyebrow scars you can put on your guy (and they all look the same!!!)

anyway.

here’s crowley!

smallest face tattoo I could find, I think it worked out OK. the shoes actually have the “reptile: black” skin texture lol but hf doesn’t really render individual scales for reptiles most of the time so it just looks black :/ he gets a molotov cocktail bc there’s no tire iron or car/bentley situation and i think he deserves it. as a treat. for the wine bottle on the ground you have the option to both put a label on it AND put a symbol on it, which is great, and there’s a LOT of symbols to choose from, but none that are just “scribbly writing that looks like a wine label” so i chose a rune of draconic power. I also wanted to do some secret scales for him, but again the body decal gods were not in my favor. here’s the two options I came up with.

the “dapples” are p cool and it’s awesome that they have so many options for vitiligo, but also given the sheer volume of “lizard/snake person/dragon/crocodile” options they have it’s real weird that there’s no all-purpose “scales” body decal.

speaking of snakes...here’s an all-snake person crowley. they let you be a “naga” (half-snake half-person, like a mermaid but snake) or a “serpent-folk” (a person-size snake). i didn’t do a naga since I have a person-crowley and a snake-crowley so just like. jam em up in your imagination.

as you can see, surprisingly few scales. the “bands” on the bottom are a body decal called “coral snake” that was the closest I could get to an overall scaly look. they got the belly scutes, the head, the hood (which is optional i just thought it looked nice on him), the tops of the forearms, the hands and some shoulder and back scales. but the real snakey bit - nada. fascinating. i still like him. I would’ve made him all one color and less shiny, but the “coral snake” bands have to stand out somehow, and I figured i’ll make up for the lack of scales in shininess

and the final good omens character I have made...anathema!!!!!

this one was Hard. so we got the Book, we got her bread knife (something left out of the show that I personally love), and I couldn’t really find many weird witchy looking instruments so I went with some bottles. her outfit is really just 50 shades of green and black, but it has all this lace and different kinds of fabrics to keep it interesting. here she’s just. different greens. and blacks. hf can’t do lace (completely understandable can u imagine trying to 3d print that??) and while you can sort of do different textures, it’s just not the same. I think she turned out OK though! glass in the glasses kind of just got in the way of seeing her eyes, so I took it out. I was surprised at how thick the frames are! they’re all like that - very sturdy. also this jacket is called “undercover jacket” hf my guy that is the loudest looking jacket i ever seen in my life.

now you may say ‘fuck finally, that’s the last good omens character i’ll stop reading this post now’ but ohohoho not quite so. you see. i do have several permutations of aziraphale and crowley, so while they’re not new good omens characters they are new takes on the boys.

now. before we go any further you must check out @worse0mens​ and their many wonderful fics on ao3. these versions of aziraphale and crowley are based on their marvelous Lord of the Rings AUs, and were made early into my heroforge phase, when it was mostly just me playing dress-up with this dnd character creator, before the Madness set in and it became an ocd thing. they’re some of my favorites of all time!

I’ll link the fics each of them came from next to each character, but I cannot suggest enough that if you like Good Omens aus or fics of any kind (perchance, omens of another kind?) I would highly recommend checking them out! ^v^

enough dillydallying, here’s Orc Crowley from “The Orc and the Elf” “What Remains of a Heart” and “The Good Orc”!

ladies, gents, and those of us who know better, you cannot make this dog look not derpy. i hate even saying derpy but there’s no other way to describe him. I tried every menu and sub-menu to see if there were any controls for the warg’s expression but alas, no dice. the warg mount just. looks like that. it’s a dope ass character model though can’t complain about that in a 3d printed model you’d never notice it, he just stares like he sees the end of all things and comprehends none of it. though maybe that’s accurate for some dogs. Rover didn’t strike me as a pinnacle of intellect when I was reading the fic (he is of course still a very very good boy!) but I did want to try and making him look more dynamic. c’est la vie!

I really had fun making this guy. one great thing about the heroforge coloration system (which I will always sing the praises of, it’s WILD how customized you can get without it being a burden to do for each character, there’s so many options) is that you can make anything glow if you want. I decided to give crowley little a eyeglow. as a treat. and I’m super glad I did! it makes them so distinct.

so. one of his hands is gripping the mane to hold on and one is just sort of. floatin. this is because for some reason, of the 3 “riding a horse/pony/warg” poses, none of them is “holding on to the very fast thing you’re riding” I guess it’s to make held items easier to distinguish, but it’s weird that it’s not even an option for characters who aren’t holding things. I had to get in the “advanced poses” menu and really finagle to get that one hand on Rover’s mane (that’s why its clipping through), and after those 15 minutes or so were spent I decided you know what, crowley’s a big strong orc, maybe he only needs one hand to hang on after all!

For some reason, I always wind up picturing crowley with freckles, and I am a sucker for magic people having like. glowing or weird freckles that look like stars. idk where this love came from but here it is. the fic describes crowley’s skin as “pebble-gray” so I went with a bright metallic silver for his freckles, and I’m really proud of how it turned out!

also for some reason while there’s a million daggers/shortblades you can have, only like. 5 of them can come in sheaths. the rest just hang loose wherever you decide to put them. hazardous! so crowley’s “twin daggers” wound up being kukri knives, since tbh I thought they looked cool and the basic “sheathed dagger” is like. really really small. which is great for some things but I figured crowley would have something with a little more heft.

the fic describes crowley’s sword as a “scimitar”, and the 2 swords hf has with “scimitar” in the name were just not sparking joy for some reason, so I looked up the sword I thought looked best (the janissary kilij) and it turns out it is a type of scimitar! incurable pickiness justified.

I pretty much just pictured elf aziraphale as normal aziraphale but with elf ears (i am not a huge elf fan, I very much enjoyed the fic dunking on thranduil lol), so I didn’t wind up making him.

I did make the hobbit!aziraphale from worse0mens’ other lotr au, There and Back Again (And Again, And Again...) though!

for some reason, when you click on “halfling” as an option, they don’t give you the hairy feet. idk if this is a dnd change for copyright reasons from the tolkien estate (everyone knows “halfling” = “hobbit” its just a matter of intellectual property and shit) or what, but I was kinda sad, since I was excited to have a woman with obvious body hair (there’s no decals for body hair either, except for upper chest hair). I tried to find various hairy-looking shoes, but no success. I did give her the vitiligo leg/foot decal and colored all of the patches to match her skin tone except for the bottoms of her feet, which I did a slightly darker color, to indicate calluses bc hobbits walk barefoot everywhere bc they’re just Built Different. I tried not to go too overboard with it though since she is a very clean and fastidious lady and generally just hangs out in her house (oh, to be a wealthy single hobbit spending the day reading unbothered by the whims of society...)

hf also doesn’t do patterns on clothes, unless they’re physically molded into the cloth (like anathema’s jacket). so no tartan :/ I imagined aziraphale to have a dark green tartan shirt under her vest for some reason so I chased that bliss, and otherwise generally followed the “brown and cream” theme.

I was going to try and get some braids and beads in her hair (if ya know ya know) but the braided buns all got rid of the loose strands framing her face and the other braids were really really long and kind of clashed with the vibe, so i stuck with the unbraided bun. and there’s no hair beads. which is fair tbh its a very specific thing (then again.....21 eyebrow scars)

for reasons unknown to me, some objects have a myriad of decals to choose from, and some only let you have blood splatter (and more recently, dirt stains or colorful powder stains). like, anathema’s “ornate book”? only blood splatter. but these books on the tops of the stacks here? a bajillion options. I went with a dragon (bc lol smaug-shadowing for the hobbit, which takes place after this fic) and some flowers to make aziraphale’s folk medicine book ;)

I don’t want to just complain abt all the stuff hf doesn’t have bc it’s a good, free service with no annoying ads, so I do want to say that the default coloring for the books and cups looked really nice - I only made a few tweaks, which is a big deal for my very picky eyes. letting you pick a “theme” which automatically colors clothes/gear/everything but the actual person is really useful for when you don’t want to go as deep in the paint as I usually do. you can still color each individual item if you want, but if you don’t want to do that it offers an alternative where it shows you like 10-15 basic color schemes for you to pick from. 

I had to decide b/w the bowtie and the zirak-baraz necklace, and I went with the bowtie, since the necklace options really don’t jive with the look and she wears it under her shirt a lot of the time anyway. also, aziraphale + bowtie = iconic. the normal plain bowtie looked weirdly big on her and kept clipping so I went with another one that was wild west themed or something, but I think it still works.

I did run into hf’s weird ideas about body configuration here. they do let you make your guys decently fat, but it’s really hard to get a ratio that doesn’t look grossly exaggerated, and its partly based on species. the default setting for halflings is like, REALLY skinny, which sucks, and the default for p much all “female” versions of species is large tits and small waists. the waist slider is honestly kind of bullshit in terms of making realistic people. i 100% get that some people like to make cartoon-y looking guys or more caricature-like looks, but since I prefer more realistic-looking characters, I pretty much ALWAYS have to turn the waist slider all the way just for them to look healthy. and then it creates a weird dent where you can turn up the other sliders for weight but the waist is stuck at its maximum so you get these hourglass shapes with sharp corners. it gets covered up a bit when you put clothes on at least, you really can’t see it with aziraphale thankfully. but it does wind up putting a cap on how fat you can make your guys without them looking really unbalanced and cartoonish. I wanted to make her much chubbier but this was sort of as far as i could get with the waist restriction and clipping (and thats a whole other issue) without her look really unbalanced, and *SPOILERS FOR THE FIC* i wasn’t trying to make aziraphale in her pregnancy era here, and idk if it would’ve worked out well. *END SPOILERS*

For dwarf!crowley I wound up making 2 versions, one casual and one in traditional dwarven clothes (and a little grimier) on a pony (if you know you know), mostly bc while i love me some dwarves, i am not a tolkien expert and have only a loose grasp on the aesthetic. some of crowley’s outfits described in the fic are pretty basic, some more complicated, so I decided to do one for each.

here’s casual crowley

I wanted to give them matching teacups so it looks like they’re toasting each other ^v^

also crowley’s tea is way lighter than aziraphales bc i firmly believe this is a ‘coffee as dark as my soul’ ‘so like white chocolate mocha?’ relationship.

the dagger sheaths got me again with this one. crowley’s dagger is specifically described as having a leather sheath, and being as long as aziraphale’s arm. couldn’t get the dwarven runes bc again, the decal gods did not will it. this one is actually called a “disciple of death dagger” - yikes! at least there’s no skulls or anything lol

he’s got the “thin black shirt” from when he’s chopping wood, plus the axe. I couldn’t exactly get a serpent beltbuckle, but I tried to at least get some silver things on him to nod at the whole “crowley silvertongue” thing.

his pants are actually fucking mariachi pants. one thing that does kind of piss me off w hf is that there’s not just. a normal, basic ass pair of pants. or plain leggings. everything has a belt or fringe or pleats or something. the closest you get is scrubs but the drawstring just makes em look like sweatpants. and its not like there’s not basic shit for shirts! there’s a bunch of plain ass t-shirts! but this was sort of the closest I could get without having an extra belt. I will say that you will not lack for belt buckles in heroforge, but they are all the same basic, utilitarian kind for the most part.

both dwarves and halflings by default are really really short. I’m glad the fic specified crowley as 5 ft and aziraphale as 4 ft, which tracks w general tolkien lore n shit, but i had to scale them up a lot from the default setting. huh. another dnd difference?

hf also decided when you click on male dwarf, you still get decent sized tits. I think its the muscle in a compressed space. I am not opposed! i decided he gets to keep them, as a treat. he’s pretty muscular (”lanky for a dwarf” but dwarves are fuckin absolute units) so it checks out and it really works w the 3 button shirt v sexy (can you tell I think dwarves are more attractive than elves?)

the “earring” is my attempt as using the clipping to my advantage to make it look like a hair bead. I think it’s not bad, though you can definitely still tell its on his ear.

one thing that surprised me is the options for wearing braids: single braid (several variations, including queue (think the dai li from atla)). hair down with two braids on top (see above). cornrows (and several combinations of cornrows and afros/natural textured hair). braided bun. “bun held with stick.” “thick braided curls” (held back in an updo).

it surprised me bc #1 good on you hf for having a variety of options for people of color, i wish this wasn’t surprising but still, props #2 you can’t have pigtail braids (2 braids one on either side of your head), and #3 there’s only 1 option for having straight hair down and having braids mixed into it. idk maybe this is a regional thing to where I’m from but people having one or more braids mixed into straight/wavy hair that’s not tied up or in a bun or anything seems p common to me, and at the very least p common in the popular perception of dwarves and their aesthetics. not upset just confused.

I tried to make him a little bit paler due to the dwarf-living-underground thing but i cannot give up my freckle headcanon unfortunately - i just made them very light. maybe he gets them when visiting the shire.

here’s the other one, w the dwarven gear on the pony

it stopped letting me upload screenshots. I have committed way too hard to this. this might be a counterproductive endeavor. we’ll see I guess. here’s the url in case it fucked itself over https://www.heroforge.com/load_config%3D502896335/

the fuckin. even on a pony they don’t give you reins. i am confusion. w a warg i kinda get it theres not much to hold onto but a pony or horse? no excuse. reins let me at em. i did go through the trouble to get both his hands in there bc crowley does have a history of being bad with horses, and idk if this followed him into this au or if its ok bc its a pony, but i figured he should have both hands in there just in case. he’s very determined at the moment.

I really like the “roan” face decal bc it lets you get your guy grimy around the edges of his face, and as we all know grime is VERY important to the lotr experience. hopefully one day when I have a normal relationship with heroforge i can make an aragorn and he can be so so grimy. or perhaps i can just look up someone else’s aragorn heroforge to check on the grime factor.

its. tilted. the pony. its like tilted to one side. i don’t know why this is. it didn’t start out like that. i don’t know how it got like that. was it all the advanced hand posing to get crowley to grab onto the nonexistent reins??? how would that affect the pony tilting??? maybe he’s going around a very fast corner.

ok thats it. fuck. maybe this way a bad idea. either way, i am putting away these designs and saying “these are complete. I do not need to spend any energy on them anymore. they are done.” I’m even gonna mark their names to say they are done.

if you stuck w this all the way through you’re a fuckin lunatic and i love it.

i use tumblr primarily to either spit things into the void and get them out of my head, keep up on memes, and reblog/compliment fanart, so I really don’t care about any criticism, constructive or not**, and am very much asking you to not do that. compliments are fine just like. please don’t insinuate I should continue to work on these, or find problems with them. they are done. they have taken up far too much brainspace, and I need to let them go. this is me sending them off into the world. i mean use them for your dnd or whatever if you want, just talk to @worse0mens​ if its one of their characters obviously.

hope you’re doing well and that this was fun and not depressing. I am growing and healing each day. ^v^

**unless you’re worse0mens bc some of them are your characters and I want to be as respectful as possible towards them

#cw discussion of mental illness #cw ocd #cw ocd mention #cw hyperfixation #like the bad kind #good omens #lotr #heroforge #original post

[reality-suckssssss]

Well... here we are, its officially the last day of the year 2022. That sounds so insane to write because my brain is still trying to process the last few years that all seem like a giant blur and suffering, very much like this year haha. I am officially 9 days away from being 27. 27... that sounds so scary, its mind blowing I've made it this far and yet its also sad that I've made it this far. I never thought I'd make it to be honest and i lost all hopes, dreams and ambitions long ago but i want to gain them back so that next year i dont look bad and think about my life the way im thinking about it now, a waste.

I feel like the biggest failure on this earth and that my time here has truly been pointless. I genuinely dont know how or why I've made it this far, yet here i am.. still alive, still stuck, still lost, i still dont know what the fucking purpose of my existence is when my life is so boring and insignificant. 365 days wasted. 365 of being depressed and wanting to die. 365 days of dealing with anxiety over the smallest of things. 365 days... wasted on nothing meanwhile there's people that are wishing for just one more day of life, one more day to spend with a loved one, one more day of a life they love yet that life is coming to an end.

Meanwhile all i did this year was cry over the littlest of things, cry over things never working in my favor, crying over being fat yet not having enough mental strength and motivation to do anything about it. All i did this year was get a new job and cry over a boy that doesnt want me hahah but i will admit getting my job was probably the one and only good thing to happen this year. I genuinely love my job and i am greatful for such a good job with such amazing people around me, which also includes the boy that doesn't want me and is taken haha since my very first day there on valentine's day i got mesmerized by him, amazed at how beautiful he is because he is truly the most beautiful man i have ever seen. He is the kind of man i pictured when i thought about what kind of man i wanted for myself. He is tall, sweet, respectful, smart and so kind but sadly this beautiful man is already taken, not that he'd ever look in my direction the way i look at him every day. To him I'm just the awkward girl that stutters a little bit and used to get bright red every time she talked to him (so glad i learned to stop myself from turning red lol) but to me he's the one thing that makes me wake up happy which is sad and pathetic i know but do you know how many times I've told myself that i dont like him, that he doesnt like me and that nothing is gonna happen between us only to turn around half a second later and be sooo happy just because he talked to me!? A lot. A lot of times. But i can't help it.. i don't know what it is about him that has me there stuck on him, usually i can get over someone fairly quickly but with him it seems that no matter how hard i try im still back at square one.. But i hope i can move on in this coming year and i hope i can find some ambitions, goals to keep me going. i hope that i find genuine happiness and the love my soul so hopelessly wants.. i have so much love to give yet no one to give it to, a hopeless romantic that's never had true beautiful romance in her life, tragic.

I doubt anyone will read this but if you did... heres to the new year! <3 may this year be filled with all the greatest and all the love we want it to have.

#end of the year #2022 #thoughts #love #wonder #helpless #hopeful #depression sucks #anxiety sucks