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#AND IT FUCKING SUCKS
switchywitchie · 10 months
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I yearn for a love that only exists in my mind
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tobermoriansass · 5 months
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i think the most annoying phenomenon are when like bands remaster or re-release their albums and then they've made these tiny but significant changes in the recording and then its basically impossible to get the original mix anymore and also spotify fucking boosts the new thing at you
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I absolutely loved this episode of the last of us but it really emphasised how mean spirited tlou part 2 is and that it was heralded by people as such a masterpiece makes me feel violently depressed about what that says about the bleakness of life and this planet we live on. 
Never more than in this week’s episode have we seen so intimately Joel’s mental state. This is an addition in the show; the conversation between Joel and Tommy is very different in the game. We know Joel feels like that but it never says it so explicitly. And that’s a good thing. So much of who Joel is is shaped by his devastating loss. He has severe ptsd and trauma from not only losing Sarah, but the way he lost her. He wasn’t able to save her, he failed her, and that’s why Ellie terrifies him! Because he presumes he’s going to do the same thing again. He’s going to lose her. He even lists ways he’s already let her down. It’s made patently clear in the way he is with Ellie and things he says to her that this fear is because he cares about her. He tells her he does outright. And as he begins to care for her, we see his ptsd rearing its head in more obvious/physical ways. Makes sense, right? Loving someone, caring for them— that’s Joel’s trigger. But we also see something else. We see Joel talking. Jesus he’s barely talked this series so far in the way he does in episode 6. Most of the time his conversations have revolved around logistics and plans. Now he’s talking about dream jobs and football and his old life. And he’s smiling when he does it. He’s laughing. There’s so much contentment in him in his scenes with Ellie. This is what healing looks like. There are painful, heart stopping moments. But there’s also joy. When was the last time Joel felt joy, do you think? 
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The Last of Us Part 1 is a love story at its very core. It’s about how love is where you find a reason to live even in dire times like an apocalypse. It’s about how things can seem so bleak but if you allow yourself to love, you CAN find pockets of joy. You can find hope. This is what Joel learns through Ellie. Love makes life worth living again. And, in fact, it saves you. There’s a reason we have a cutscene with Bill in the game in which he tells Joel that caring about someone only gets you killed. It’s not just a throwaway line as we traverse Bill’s Town with him. It’s a proper, cinematic cutscene. Bill tells Joel/us this, and then the narrative works the rest of the time to undermine it. Ellie’s love for Joel is what saves his life in winter. The things she does to keep him alive and safe are insane. It’s not just finding food and water for them both at 14 years old. She finds medicine. She uses herself as bait to keep David away from Joel. That’s nuts! And it’s because of love. Love is what helps Joel not get killed. It’s the same for Ellie later: because Joel loves her, he saves her life instead of letting her get killed. He sees her as a person of value, as a person whose life means something irrelevant of her immunity. He sees her as someone who deserves to live. Love literally saves her fucking life. And as well as all this, we see how love saves Joel and Ellie in every day ways. Ellie is no longer alone and scared. She has someone. Joel finds joy in life again. He pets giraffes and he laughs at stupid jokes and he talks and talks about a life he’s been burying for decades. Who is the only person he’ll accept Sarah’s photo back from? Ellie! ‘I’m taking a ride with my best friend.’ And they ARE best friends. This episode went to great and beautiful lengths to emphasise how broken and afraid Joel is, and how hard it is for him to show up for Ellie, but that he does because he cares for her. It goes to great lengths to show how Ellie is starting to affect a change in Joel; that she’s helping him overcome the grief that has lain stagnant in him for 20 years. It’s starting to show how they’re best friends. It was an exceptional episode. I loved every second of it. But when I think about part 2, I’m so stuck on how mean it all is and how it works against what they (bruce i see you pal) were telling us in part 1. 
In fact, it’s not just mean, it’s cruel - both to Joel and Ellie, and to the fans who love them and are attached to their journey and got something out of it. What’s interesting is considering Bill and Frank’s story and the changes that were made to it. I absolutely loved the episode but it’s difficult to completely ignore pinkwashing claims (if you care to look, there have been many complaints about the game and its overall treatment of lgbt+) when Bill is rewarded for doing the same as Joel: he protects his one person too. In doing so he hoards valuable resources that could be used to help thousands of people. In twenty years ordinary people just looking for safety will definitely have made their way to Bill’s Town  and been turned away. Bill’s refusal to turn his town into some sort of a functioning community like Jackson definitely killed people. But this is presented as a good thing. He’s protecting Frank. That’s his job. And he’s rewarded with so many happy years and a peaceful death in an apocalypse. There’s a reason that resonates with people more than Bill’s original story which is bleak and sad. He ends up alone. Frank dies hating him. To see instead that actually you can have joy and hope and love in a post apocalyptic world is meaningful to people. 
Joel and Ellie are not so lucky. Joel does the same as Bill. He picks Ellie. He does what he has to to protect her. He defends them both from hostile attackers. His refusal to let her be a lab rat prevents a cure (arguably) so people will die but he saves her life and gives her a life worth living, the same as Bill does for Frank. He isn’t rewarded for it. There’s no great love is so good message here. Unlike Bill, Joel is punished so horribly for years in the narrative through Ellie. She’s used as a pawn for the vehicle in which the narrative tells us Joel did something wrong and he deserves punishment. This hurts her too by the way: love has hurt her too. But the narrative has to punish Joel this way to really make sure we know he did something so terribly wrong, so for 2 years Ellie isn’t allowed to give Joel a proper chance to explain. He isn’t allowed to defend himself. And after these long painful years, Joel is then killed. But he’s not just killed. It’s so brutal. It’s long. It’s painful. And Ellie is there to watch, to be held down on floor level so he’s all she can see as he’s killed, and she’s begging him to get up. Bill’s stance and actions are presented as a good thing. He’s the hero who saves Frank and allows him to live a good life. He gets a hero’s story. Joel, on the other hand, is a villain for doing the same thing. He dies a villain’s death.
Ultimately, Bill is right, despite what part 1 appears to be telling you (that’s part of why I hate 2 SO much, it’s so contrary to the themes and messages of 1). Love does get you killed. If Joel didn’t love Ellie he wouldn’t have saved her and he wouldn’t be dead now. Love will make you soft and stupid. You’ll run into rooms of armed strangers without concern after 20 years of being constantly on guard, or at least that was Neil’s explanation as to why Joel would get himself into a situation that was so out of character for him. If you love someone you will be punished for it. They’ll stop speaking to you because you loved them and because of that love knew you had a life of value that was worth living and not because of immunity. They won’t even give you a chance to explain, after all the ways love drove you to keep each other safe and alive. If you love someone you’ll be brutally tortured and murdered and you’ll deserve it. You will be constantly punished and criticised and villainised for that love. Literally, love makes you a villain. You will suffer because of love, you will lose everything. What’s the message here???? What on earth were Neil and Halley trying to say (sos bruce we miss you)???? That healing from your trauma will get you killed? Will get you punished? That Joel should have stayed broken in the QZ? Because if he’d done that, he’d have been better off than his ultimate fate. He wouldn’t have lost a daughter again and he wouldn’t have been beaten to death slowly and died quite likely thinking Ellie’s going to be killed after him so he’s let another daughter die, and he’d probably still have Tess. 
Joel, through Ellie and overcoming immense fear and ptsd in order to love her, heals from his trauma, he’s finally able to deal with his grief and move on. He, after twenty years of rejecting it because it caused so much fucking pain, loves again! He truly loves! Then it first hurts him again, and then it kills him. Love is good, love is necessary they told us in part 1. But in part 2 they tell us it WILL get you killed though. And that’s so fucking miserable.
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winndale · 9 months
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i think people should appreciate ctubbo more there isn't enough ctubbo love
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nuge · 3 months
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don’t you hate when you give someone a really thoughtful gift and they don’t reciprocate
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ehlnofay · 6 months
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aboriginal people have been put through the fucking wringer politically throughout this whole fucking process. they've had their right to recognition, to treaty, to the beginning of some form of justice, treated like a political chew toy by people who stand to lose nothing. they've had to see it framed as a debate for months. and to have it be for nothing... fuck man
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v333nus-demilo · 1 year
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written by a man this, written by a woman that—i’m the tragic sapphic romantic interest written by mike flanagan for a horror show about human nature and grief
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threadsun · 6 months
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My expectation about the sex worker asks is that people who don't know anything about sex work just see it as a way to inspire yandere shenanigans? But also, like..... that doesn't make it okay, because the politics of "getting jealous and ruining your livelihood based on your deeply stigmatized job that's currently under extreme fire from authorities IRL" are completely different from "getting jealous and killing the guy you had a one night stand with." Like. It just stops being sexy fun yan bullshit at that point. - Balloon anon
Yes exactly!!!!! Like it's definitely people who want to see the guys get jealous. But this is straight up my actual real life job people are talking about. And people feeling jealous and/or turned off by partners being sex workers is an actual thing I have to contend with in my life (thankfully I've found people who are actively supportive but it does narrow my dating pool significantly and exposes me to people who want to take advantage of me and my job or see me as lesser and nothing more than a sexual object). Being a sex worker is a highly marginalised job and I really don't need a reminder of that on my silly fic blog, just for the amusement of people who aren't sex workers and clearly don't see us as people.
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bass-alien · 6 months
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.
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skittles-rainbow-cat · 2 months
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weekends under capitalism are like which day do you wanna spend trying to feel like a person again and which day do you wanna spend stressed beyond belief at everything you have to do with the limited amount of time off you have
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narkotki · 5 months
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How do you deal with being positive?
Like for real, everything is going well and still I feel so shallow and pointless without engaging into most depressing thoughts about our reality
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hugs4neth · 3 months
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Fuck Sondheim.
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fishingtrips · 9 days
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and it makes me sad reading my old writing to see how depressed and sad i was and how i’m doing better but schools in the way of me doing better bc all it does is stress me out and make me suicidal 🤗🤗🤗
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oh my god I am shopping for a new credit card and I'm trying to find out which banks are a little less horrendous than the rest and I've got nothing. they all suck so bad. all of them support the worst politics imaginable and balance it out with a single donation to Biden and giving a public library one book a year.
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natjennie · 8 months
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having a BAD brain time
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intermundia · 8 months
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Two questions hehe
Do you have an opinion on clone shippings in sw? Basically what if an obikin shipper is an anti at the same time :(((
Are you open for people to slide into your dms to chat about sw? :D
I support everyone who likes it, even though I'm so hyperfixated on obikin that I don't ship anything else. It doesn't light up my brain, but I have zero objections to people chasing their bliss. The idea of an obikin shipper being an anti is deeply disappointing to me, because if anyone should understand what it's like to be harassed about a fictional ship, it's one of us. Maybe they haven't gotten messages encouraging them to kill themselves or calling them a child abuser like I have, but regardless they should be aware that it's not anyone else's business to interfere in what other people ship or how they ship it. If it doesn't light up your brain, filter the tag and move along, you know? People writing and making art is something to encourage, not shut down.
I wish beyond anything that I could answer 'yes' to this, but that would be a disservice to the ten or so people who I need to reply to already and haven't. I'm a weird hermit who gets overwhelmed by one-on-one conversations bc they take more social energy than I have on most days. Sorry >.< there are so many cool people on here that I genuinely regret I don't have the energy to befriend everyone and maintain those friendships. Maybe someday where I'm not quite as severely depressed the answer to this will be yes, but not yet <3
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