#AND ITS LATE AND IM IN BED AND CANT MAKE IT AND I JUST

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for avoiding my husband on purpose, like, all the time? my husband (m36) and i (f34) have been married for almost 10 years (anniversary in a few months). we have 3 kids (m10, f8, f1) and he works full time while i stay at home. even before we got married i didnt really have friends other than him, and i always had a hard time finding excuses to get out of the house. frequently, he gets to hang out with his buddies who he also works with, and ever since we had kids he's always going out and leaving me home alone even when hes not at work just to idk. hang out at bars and pretend we don't exist. well lately ive been making time for myself to go out when the kids are at school (my youngest is pretty well behaved so i just take her with me instead of paying a babysitter) and i had managed to get kinda friendly with some of the wives of my husbands coworkers (theyre all members of the same union, so we see each other at those functions every once in awhile). i thought it was all going well and i was having fun and enjoying getting to be social for once, but about 2 weeks ago, the whole family was invited out for lunch (a picnic type thing) with his buddies from work's families. all was going well and for the most part even the kids were having fun, but then my husband got absolutely fucking trashed for no reason. none of the other guys were acting like that, and we've had conversations about him not doing that sort of thing, but he NEVER listens. he's always acting like this, but usually i dont have to see when its in public. well he embarrassed me so fucking much. he was trying to start fights, messing up his clothes, and wouldn't listen to me at all. just in his own world as always. i should've known because its been a decade of this, but i could have sworn it wasn't this bad before. he wasn't like this when we dated you know? so we got home and i was just. grossed out and annoyed. i slept on the couch and pretty much ever since then, i haven't been talking to him. i got a text from one of the ladies saying that a wednesday hangout thing i had been invited to had been canceled, but i pretty much KNOW 100% that it wasn't, and that they just don't want to be associated with me now. the kids don't really seem bothered by the tension around the house (i think its sort of normal to them since hes frequently not around anyways). i wouldn't be near as annoyed if there wasn't a part of my brain telling me "he did it on purpose". i know that's just how he acts but i could SWEAR its almost like he just doesnt want me to have friends. he doesn't want to hear about it, he just wants me THERE at home, watching the kids and existing solely for his convenience. i used to consider divorce, before we had our youngest. but i haven't had a job since high school, and i couldnt put the burden of asking for help on my sisters. they hate him, but i couldnt ask them for that support. and i dont even know what the kids would think, i cant do that to them. but yesterday, my husband brought it up (cornered me in our room pretty much) and asked why i was ignoring him. what if he really didnt know why? i TOLD him, but its like he forgot or just expects me to be "over it" by now. all i wanted was just this one thing, to HAVE FRIENDS, have that time away from being just "mom" and do what i want. he gets to do that so why cant i? or AT LEAST he could put some more effort into being around and doing things as a family? but i still wonder if im being the asshole, for giving him the cold shoulder for this long. he didnt have a happy childhood or good examples for parents so maybe he just thinks this is normal? i never asked because i assumed he knew it wasn't. and he does seem like, disappointed that i wont come to bed. maybe ive been driving him off and that's why he doesnt like to come home? idk at this point, im at a loss. aita?

#aita #am i the asshole

[pathetic-gamer]

Fashion in Fódlan: a very long, non-comprehensive, and entirely unsolicited analysis

The fe3h writers did a pretty solid job of creating three nations with clear social, economic, and political differences. The fashion stands out to me as doing exceptionally well at expressing those differences, and, just like in the real world, it works as a sort of socioeconomic barometer that helps tell Fódlan's story.

In this post, I'll break down the key clothing trends in the three regions and provide some light interpretations, largely related to $$

Please note that I'm NOT using this post to discuss historical inspirations. Also, not everyone from every region is included. In particular, anyone whose outfit is too much of just a riff on a class uniform (like the Ashen Wolves or the various minsters in the empire) is left out.

There's a part 2 now lol (church of seiros time); part 3 as well!

1. Holy Kingdom of Faerghus: function IS fashion, baby!!

Fearghus, beloved land of ice and snow and spooky folktales about watering your fields with blood and ghosts living under the ground - you did not come to fuck around. You're here to protect the commoners and go back home to a stew that may, if you're lucky, actually have some meat in it. In this kingdom, you're going to dress warm and you're going to like it. Oh, you have some extra money? Gonna spend it on something for yourself? Better be using it for something useful, like keeping your plate armor in good condition. (Please note: Catherine, though being Faeghan, is excluded because she wears the uniform of the Knights of Seiros, not her own clothes.)

Trends:

High collars, long skirts - generally as little exposed skin as possible. (There is exactly one pair of bare hands in the entire kingdom. Mercie is getting a little bold 👀)

Fur cloaks/capes/gloves, or just fur around the cuffs and collars if they don't have a full fur cloak.

Armor - every single man is dressed in armor, as is Ingrid. Most of the men have full suits of plate armor, but Felix, Rodrigue, and Ashe are wearing only gambesons (note the quilting in Felix's sleeve - that's what gives it away, imo). The folks in plate armor would have gambesons on as well (you can see Ingrid's underneath her breastplate), acting as padding for the plate armor. I think Gilbert is wearing plate armor with a tunic over it (a realistic historical practice).

Fastening is accomplished with clasps and lacing, and there are relatively few buttons or adornments to be seen on the main garments - Annette is an exception, which will be addressed later.

Brief analysis:

Notice the economical use of fabric - their clothing tends to lie flat, with fabric being layered for warmth rather than pleated, gathered, or puffed. The folks in plate armor may spice it up a little with a sash of some kind if they aren't already wearing a cloak or cape. I'm assuming Gilbert's ~stylish tunic~ is keeping him warm well enough to not need a cloak or larger scarf. (Mercedes has a ruffles and puffier sleeves, plus a fuller skirt, but it's worth noting that she is currently part of a merchant house, and merchants tend to be wealthier and actually occupy a unique social class between nobles and commoners.)

Note the colors, too. Greens, browns, and yellows are the cheapest and easiest dyes to make and use. That bright sort of tawny color that Gilbert, Annette, and Jeralt all have is easy and cheap. Gilbert's grey tunic could feasibly just be undyed wool. A true blue is difficult, but you'll note that the blue the people wear up here leans towards grey and green - could be that the dye is faded, or that it was never very blue to begin with. The only true blue is on Dimitri.

All of this reinforces the idea that Faerghus is not a rich nation, and the nobility don't live too far off from the common folk. The vast majority of the cost we see is actually their armor (worn by Dimitri, Dedue, Sylvain, Gilbert, Jeralt, Matthias, Ingrid, and also if we're getting all the way into it, Gwendal, Miklan, Lonato, and Baron Dominic as well), which is would have been pretty expensive. You'll notice they mostly wear grey armor with very little extra decoration, keeping the costs low. Ingrid, the poorest of the nobles in armor, also has the least actual plate. Felix and Rodrigue both have full cloaks, which most other people don't have (just Dimitri), but they also aren't wearing plate, so clearly that's a calculated choice.

That being said, even within these more economical fashions, we can still see clear differences between classes. Most noticeably, Felix (rich) and Ashe (not rich) have very similar outfits, but Felix's tunic/gambeson is lined with fur, while Ashe's is not.

BTW I'm of the opinion that the Fraldariuses are the richest people in the kingdom other than the royal family, and I believe that specifically of their fancy cloaks lol

so luxurious~

2. Adrestian Empire: look at my money bitch

Ah, the land of beauty and excess! I love to live in the capital and visit the cultural icon that is the opera and pretend that I'm not in Wealth Inequality Central. (Please note: Petra is not included, since she dresses according to Brigid's fashions. Also note: I fuck w these styles so hard, dude.)

Trends:

Short skirts (above the knee - Dorothea has a draped over-skirt thing, but her main skirt is shorter, and Manuela has leg slits instead of a short hem), low or square necklines, open backs. In general, we're looking at a lot of exposed skin. Forgot to include Cornelia in the pics, but she has this too.

Tailored jackets with just SO many buttons. Hanneman fits into the tailored jacket category, but isn't included in the highlights by virtue of Not Enough Buttons. (Some concept art is included here to drive the point home.)

Finally, there's this specific very specific double-breasted neckline thing (baby edelgard is separate bc i forgot to include her when i made the first image shhhh)

Brief analysis:

Adrestian fashion is all about displaying status and wealth, in this case through ornamentation, rich colors, uniforms denoting class/role, and also a fair amount of excess fabric.

Historically, fabric itself was one of the major indicators of wealth - in fact, certain historical styles very explicitly showed off just who was rich enough to afford, for example, a whole gown made from the same length of fabric, or even just an entire skirt panel with no piecing. In the Adrestian Empire, We've got excess fabric galore, tucked away into all those beautiful ruffles and bell sleeves, layered skirts, unnecessary capes, double collars, and puffy pants - and it's all in much more luxurious colors, too. In fact, I'm pretty sure the largest single piece of fabric on anyone in the game is Edelgard's cape, which is then also adorned with dozens of buttons and extra bits of fabric. It's almost definitely fully silk, both the outer layer and the lining. (And it's badass.)

Look at all that fluff! Dimitri's cloak probably rivals hers in the size of the actual fabric itself, but his is likely a heavy wool (unlined, maybe?), plus has a lot of fur.

"Oh, but pg, there are capes in Faerghus, too!" yes, but in Faerghus, they live in the arctic /hj. Note the vast expanses of exposed skin down here in the empire - clearly, cold is not an issue. You'll also note that the cloaks in Faerghus were heavy and lined with fur; that's not the case here. Given the prevalence of tailored jackets and the dual colors on Ferdinand's cape, I'm guessing they're either a comparatively lightweight wool with a silk lining (typical for tailored suit jackets, nothing particularly noteworthy about that), or just fully silk. (Bernie's shawl is just cotton though, prove me wrong...) Hanneman and Manuela are exceptions, since they both have fur, but they live at Garreg Mach, not in Enbarr.

The jackets themselves, by the way, could be silk OR wool. Ferdinand's in particular (especially thropes) reminds me of early 18th c. waistcoats, which would have been full silk.

We also have much richer colors down here in the land of art and song. Red, purple, and black were all very difficult colors to maintain, and very expensive. The most expensive colors, in fact. Not gonna lie, as far as price per yardage goes, I think Hubert's outfit might rival Edelgard’s in expense.

A notable exception to the excess fabric bit is Bernadetta. However, her dress is in what is arguably the most expensive color, and is heavily decorated, so that's a reasonable trade-off, and I don't blame her. I, too, would go for a smaller amount of pretty purple silk embroidered with bright, beautiful gold and yellow instead of a bigger, more impressive-looking option. It's about the little things.

I do want to take look at Caspar, in particular. He's unique in that he's dressed in a full suit of armor. But, given that he's the second son and not set to inherit anything, unlike all his waistcoat-wearing friends, he isn't being held to some particular uniform, and even if he were, it's the ministry of military affairs. Of course they wear real armor. What's interesting is that his armor is a sort of rosy grey/brass, rather than silver, and he has a lot more decoration and flair than the folks with full armor in Faerghus, in both his throuses and thropes outfits.

Worth noting, btw, that we have exactly zero examples of actual commoners in Adrestia, other than generic NPCs. Dorothea belongs to that peculiar niche that is opera and acting, so she is expected to dress and act like a noble, despite not having a title or property of any sort.

Adrestia - and Enbarr in particular - leads the slow march of fashion across Fódlan, given that it's a cultural hub and is so much wealthier, while Fearghus slowly picks things up over time. Thus, we have Annette, who lives closer to the empire and has disposable income, having some decorative buttons and tassels and a mock low neckline.

It's not nearly as much as the actual Adrestians, but she's picking it up!

3. Leicester Alliance: the beeeest of both worlds~

Oh, Alliance, you messy bitch. What we see here is a mix of everything, where some of them are influenced by Faerghus, and others by Adrestia (just like how some of them have kingdom-style names and some have empire-style names), and a few fit neither camp. There are clear reasons for similarities where they exist, though, so let's take a look! (Please note: Claude is not included, since his clothes are heavily influenced by Almyra.)

Hilda and Lysithea have the frills, puffy sleeves/skirt, short hems, low/square necklines, and expensive colors of the empire (plus, Lysithea gets a decorative veil in dark purple. How ~fancy~). This reinforces the idea that Adrestia sets the standards for fashion: Hilda cares about fashion and keeps up with the times. Lysithea lives on the border and was briefly under the control of the empire, and thus is influenced by it. Mostly, though, I think it's about how she tries to seem older and tends to see Hilda as a model of maturity (lol), so she's following that example.

Holst's armor is quite decorative, similar to Caspar's, but what stands out to me is the fringe in particular. We see the exact same fringe on Caspar, Hubert, and Edelgard, but not anywhere else.

Lorenz and Erwin are a bit of a border case, tbh! They both wear practical, full plate armor with little in the way of extra decor (other than Lorenz's rose and Erwin's little cape thing), but Jesus christ how much does it cost to keep it all so purple like that??? That's a blatant display of wealth that would impress any empire noble.

Marianne, on the other hand, would fit right in in Faerghus, with the old fashioned long skirt, high collar, capelet, and lack of extra decoration other than some pretty trim. Makes sense, since her territory is so close to the kingdom and she's clearly not interested in trying to stay fashionable.

Judith is dressed very practically, has some fun puffy sleeves and bright but inexpensive colors, has a short cape and gambeson (a short vest one, though). I want to say leans toward Faerghus, which makes sense since it's on the border and the house did at one point split off, with part going back to the kingdom.

Now we get to the only real, honest-to-god, never-owned-land-or-property, born-as-and-remain-now peasants/commoners: Leonie and Cyril. (Raphael was born into the merchant class and was able to support himself and Maya by selling his estate, so while we can consider him a real commoner at this point, it's not nearly to the same degree.)

Their economic status is obvious from their outfits: both have very practical clothes with no extra decoration, in cheap and easily accessible colors. Leonie's cloak wrapped around her waist is purely functional - she can use it when the weather calls for it, but it's out of the way of her arrows when she doesn't need it - and looks to be pretty soft, so likely is lightweight. She has a hint of some light protective wear (note the quilted sleeve) and the same front clasps as Felix and Ashe, so i think she's also meant to be wearing a gambeson, but it's shorter and less protective. Cyril doesn't seem to have any armor at all except for the shoulder protection - we can tell from the lack of center-front closures on his shirt and the shape of the cuffs of the sleeves that he's actually just wearing a tunic (or rather, two tunics on top of each other).

Raphael also has a very practical outfit, but notice that his is so much more protective, probably because he has a little more money than the other two. He has very limited, sparsely placed plate armor, but he is covered head-to-toe in quilted cloth armor. He's ready to get some punching done, baby!

Our real outlier, however, is Ignatz... But you bet your bottom dollar I've got an explanation for that one, too!!!!! Mans is an artist and he has rich(?) merchant parents, he can do whatever he wants.

Absurdly unnecessary lengths of (probably not very expensive) cloth? Sure. Fancy feathers that literally no one else gets? Why not! A billion buttons, half of which arent even keeping anything closed? Curly and intricate cloak fasteners probably made of some kind of cording? Sashes and tassels and a decorative sword??? Fuck it, we ball. I love this so much, it's easily my favorite outfit in the entire game and I would ABSOLUTELY wear it irl. I already have the right haircut and glasses and boots, I'm ready

4. In conclusion

These designs really are Fódlan in a nutshell. From the quiet wealth and functionality in Felix's fur-lined gambeson to the audacious luxury of Ferdinand's waistcoat to the unrepentant anarchism of Ignatz's entire vibe, we can see the history - and future - of the continent outlined right before our eyes:

Faerghus is cold, practical, focused on survival, and probably has the most even distribution of wealth. Leicester is a mix of remnants of the empire and kingdom, with clear wealth disparity but also a relatively high amount of social mobility and communal support systems. Adrestia has significantly wealth disparity, with nobles very disconnected from their people and instead busy politicking about.

Side note I know I said I wouldn't go into the historical inspirations, BUT I do think it's interesting that the men's clothing in Adrestia - particularly the tailoring - is similar to much later styles than the men's clothing in Faerghus, and the reverse is true of the women's sleeves and necklines.

Okay that's all, thanks for reading!

#fire emblem three houses #fe3h analysis #holy kingdom of faerghus #adrestian empire #leicester alliance #golden deer #black eagles #blue lions #fodlan's fashion icons #(not actually part of the series but it's topical ok) #this is why i cant do cosplay btw #i see an outfit i like and i immediately am like ok how do you make that irl? get me seven yards of cotton muslin we're doing a mockup #like why would i make Felix’s outfit if I'm not going all in on actual quilted armor yk? #i dont want Ignatz's pants if theyre going to just hang lazily and bunch at the ankle it needs BODY it needs STRUCTURE #yk? #anyway its super late im going to bed now bye #fashion in fodlan

[puppyeared]

ive made myself more wet and pathetic

#new icon because im SUFFERING. im in HELL #its so bad. i had to sign out of discord so now im both lonely and stressed #because i KNOW im still gonna get dstracted. i just did making this URGH #how good are brains at working around things. i once set a 7AM alarm on my phone with snooze cause i was so sure my brain would #be too lazy and keep snoozing instead of actually turning it off. but nay it either kept sleeping through the alarms and snoozing #or actually managed to turn off the alarm half awake that i barely remembered it and then waking up late #i actually have a track record of climbing out of bed and turning my alarm off without remembering. which is impressive bc i have a loftbed #the other thing is setting fake deadlines so make myself panic into doing things ahead of time. but unfortunately that doesnt work either #because if theres one thing my brain will put all its energy into remembering its self assurance. meaning i WILL be able to remember #the real deadline even if i try to trick myself. cant ask someone to give me a fake deadline either #the only things keeping me going rn is that i have deadlines due at least 1 day between each other and excitement being able to talk with #crow after break. but you can see how well thats going <- ignores long term rewards in favor of short term pleasure #BTW CROW IF YOURE READING THIS IM SO SORRY TURNING OFF MY DISCORD WITH BARELY ANY EXPLANATION #im a huge fucking dumbass and i had barely enough impulse control not to block everyone in my dms because i realized that would send a real #really bad msg. youre not distracting me im distracting myself and i promise youre not annoying me i just really like talking to you and #thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT #you can be a little mad at me btw cause i definitely could have done that better but i was all over the place abt how to do it without #making u think im ignoring you. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY #yapping #doodles #puppysona #edit but last week i tried to schedule and give myself work periods and break periods using my class schedule #and reminders on my phone to tell me when to start and stop. can you guess what happened

[skitskatdacat63]

I literally can't stop thinking about this sequence of pictures, actually completely brainrotting me

#ever since i watched aus 2009 i cant stop scrolling back up in my gallery to stare at these #like pics that genuinely make me roll around on my bed and squeal #GAHHHHHH LIKE THE WAY SEB IS GRINNING UP AT AND HESITANTLY PLACING HIS HAND ON HIS CHEST #AND THEN JENSON NOTICES AND MY GOD THE WAY HES LOOKING AT HIM I CANT I CANT #THE WAY THEYRE SMILING AT ESCH OTHER IM GONNA LOSE IT #AND LOOK HOW HARD JENSE IS GRIPPING HIM GODDDDDDDD #like i really cant express in words how these make me feel its actually just *tv static noises* #i feel like im grinning so hard looking at these that im gonna explode #(also @grace if you see these: ive been reading solar flare lately and GOD YOURE SO RIGHT WHEN YOU REFERENCED IT) #(theres this part where mark says to jb that hes been looking up podium/press pics of them online) #(and that they look like theyre in love HE IS LITERALLY ME FRRRRRR LIKE IM GOING INSANE OVER IT) #(these pics brainrotted me before i started reading it but reading it has only made it 100x worse/better) #anyways i really really like 2009 sebson they're so endearing to me 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #ig its just smth about how theyre so affectionate with each other despite being each others rivals #like constantly patting/nudging/hugging each other IM GONNA CRYYYYY IM GONNA EXPLODEEEE #i put these pics in the comp i made if seb but like bcs of the magnitude to which they affect me i needed to make a posr for them #just imagine me wailing and losing my mind irl and in these tags sob sob sob #if i stay committed w watching races ill just keep on going to the end of the v8 era so dw my wailing can only get worse :D #every time i scroll up out of the tags to look at the pics again i feel my heart skipping a bit HDJFKGKGKGL #anyways unhinged wdym unhinged :) #f1 #formula 1 #sebastian vettel #jenson button #jb22 #sv5 #sebson #2009 australian gp

[skyeateyourdonuts]

weeoo

#this is gonna be me talking in tags today #ive been rather sleep deprived lately trying to keep up with everything around me #and its been taking a toll on my health like #if i go too long like this i tend to feel more lethargic and my allergies kick in #i got a sore throat bc my room has been Freezing and then i get headaches way way easier #often times my face will flush but its just my nose and idk why #well anyways lmao i just aint feelin great due to lack of sleep #so i emailed my teachers and stayed home and others might say this wasnt it #but i can barely get to sleep at all these days and just bed ridding myself #seemed like the only way for my body to be like #'fine 🙄 u can sleep' lmao #thats actually one of the worst symptoms is im restless i just Cant grt to sleep no matter how hard i try #ive had a couple days where i was running on 2-3 hours bc i spent even longer Laying there #anyways i hope this makes a difference im tired of feeling tired and shitty #luckily my mood has weirdly been high #its just my sleep and health that are low #i think when the sleepiest soldiers are unable to get sleep thats when u know smths wrong #i think also so much is happening and me trying to keep up is taking more outta me than i expected #im a gal who gets overwhelmed easily even if im happy w whats happening lmao #tho im not Happy im more In a Good Mood lmao #side tangent but i HATE being an adult who doesnt have like idk Help lmao #like my dad was so nice to me sometimes and helped me sometimes #i could go a whole day sleeping bc id be fucking exhausted #and hed qake me up and ask me when i last ate and if i couldnt decide but itd been too long #hed make smth for the both pf us or hed make it For me and id just be able to like recover lmao #ah adulthood is hard lmao #alright im done #gata #no need to read <3 yall

[the-kipsabian]

well today sucks :)

#its my friends birthday today and hes not making it to game day cause hes sick. i also dont have his gifts ready which sucks ass #and theres a SHIT TON of snow outside and all the busses are late so. fun times #im also eepy tired and my hair looks like shit im so done already but since at least one of us is already on the move we cant cancel #i really just wanna crawl back to bed ough #night is an absolute mess on main

[scaredofmyocs]

I love it when i accidentally stay up on the night im supposed to be catching up on sleep it totallly doesnt make me feel horrible all week long

#talk post #i love this blog i want to live here #I cant!!! i just cant!!! go to bed at a normal fucking time istg #but noooooo the wild grinders wiki no some stupid bullshit no one has ever cared about before #WHEN I DONT GET ENOUGH SLEEP MY MENTAL HEALTH GETS WAY WORSE!!!!! IF I DONT FIX IT WE ARE GOING TO GET TOO SILLY #(yelling at a mirror) #seriously bothers me tho that Im always worried about how intense my negative feelings have been lately #and im like “oh ill just get more sleep” and then immediately fuck it up the next night making me tired all week #making me feel SO bad in the mornings and at night and increasing my paranoia and other such thoughts #and in trying to tune it all out just forget about it again leading to me fucking it up again #this is a bit dramatic its only happened 2 weeks in a row #but that feels like a lot because thats like 10 nights where i felt like i blinked and i had to wake up and go to school #and not only deal with my shitty social skills but the results of said thing #and also try to fight the thoughts that are like “this shits pointless im not doing this” LIKE PLEASE pretend to be normal for one year #and also that one teacher i have who demands every students attention while he teaches like i already finished the work sheet shut it #like i do well in that class just let me do what i want im not being distracting like girl i have at least an 87 dw about me #PLUS most of the time im not even on my phone he just really wants me to look at the board but girl as i said I ALREADY DID WHATS ON THERE #i feel like i never get to relax but i do all the time so i dont know what i mean #i keep saying “its ok as long as i can bury all my thoughts and just keep going while filling what free time i have with things i enjoy” #but things only work for so long #i hate the passage of time #anyawy erm wrong my guitar is in my mind (stupid ass guitar riff) #walks over to my bed and trips on the way falling asleep on the floor #ramble #hit post

[french-mermaid-outfit]

Really appreciate finding out other people my age are struggling too. Wish people would talk about it more

#for instance i right now am late for work and haven't been making my bed the last few days #if i #you know #leave the bed at all #have a bunch of work deadlines coming up that I'm just always thinking about and so always stressed #also i keep cancelling plans with people idk why #so not been really bonding with my friends of late #im given to believe all this is pretty normal in your twenties #but for the life of me i cant find anyone who isn't Put Together all the time or at least will talk about not being put together #idk maybe im asking the wrong questions #its just very lonely

[weenhands]

i physically cannot bring myself to do anything lately like it's so bad

#lately eating has been way harder. i Cannot for the life of me do school it is so hard goddammit #i cant get out of bed i just sleep until the afternoon #making plans with robin is much more harder #i know im sick but i think its just ever since i realized. Alot of stuff from my past. which just hit me like a truck #ive been really sad and depressed just mourning and grieving all of that all over again #and ive been heavily journaling about it so it. makes sense ig #the gag is that i dont deserve anyone i ruin everything i shouldve tried to jump in front of that moving car at age 15 #but it wouldnt matter becaue by that time the damage was already done <3 im literally not meant to be here

[ilonacho]

i miss drawing

#i miss not having a job and drawing my fave characters facing left all day every day #nowadays i never have the energy/time to draw and when i do i have no motivation/inspiration #and i miss when i didnt NEED THAT #cuz id just draw the same character smiling again and again and again #its not even that late and im already like. god.. i have to shower bc i have work tomorrow AND eat dinner? #thats gonna take up the next 5 hours and then i rly should go to bed before work tomorrow #on a related note i want to do soo many things and then i do none #i wanna go on walks! i wanna stargaze! i wanna do photography! i wanna draw! i wanna watch movies! i wanna hang out w/ friends! #i wanna sleep! i wanna listen to new songs! i wanna make new friends! i wanna read books! i wanna travel! i wanna do so many things! #but then i go to work i go home i shower i eat i sleep #repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repea torresp rreaprewskenebe #so much content im looking forward to is coming out this month and thats great but i feel backlogged i think is a word #like i cant keep uuuup.. and theres so much more content i want to get into. but i dont have time! #feel like i need to take a social media break but lol augh

[tortademaracuya]

Antisocial era

#im tired #i want to go out! i want to see people and friends and just hang out even if its while studying #but i cant bring myself to it #why should i ask if im probably gonna bore them? idk what to talk about #and lately i feel like everything k do is make people feel pity and like they have to comply #i dont want to make people resent me for making them do stuff they dont want #just thinking i have to interactwith people tomorrow (even if iknow all of them are lovely) fills me with dread #i couldnt being myself to go to class because i felt like i would cry or get too anxious #i can justhope it passes soon #i miss people and hugs and everything but i dont want to make anyone uncomfortable #so i guess i will just keep being in bed all day #haunted.txt #i should.be asleep. i cant even sleep now

[faggotician]

Feeling a little troubled ...... last night (a few hrs ago ig) my nana (whom i moved in wit bc the tenant she was renting the upstairs 2 died n i needed 2 get out of a shitty roommate situation so the stars aligned etc) mentioned in passing that she was in my apt while i was gone, she mentioned she was looking 4 something bt then changed it 2 checking 2 see if i caught the bus.....i told her basicly i loved her n ment no offense bt my privacy is rly important 2 me n so could she pls not go into my pad when im not there bc it gives me anxiety (which she has also so i was tryna rel8 a lil bit) n she just kinda shut down n started feeling bad abt herself n getting upset tht i thought she wld go thru my stuff . Idk i jus had 2 put this down sumwhere n i havent gotten a new journle yet sigh

#i mean she is. Very ancient bless her in evry way shes 81 so im sure shes just . kinda losin it 4 a lack of a better way 2 put it n . Aughgg #Life is very intimid8ng n i wanna take care of her bt shes so afraid of Everything ever n its stressing her out so much she cant sleep #So then shes coming up 2 my apt (btw i dont have a key 4 my inside door so i keep it unlocked) Late as Haell like 3 4 AM #Asking me 2 sit downstairs w her till she falls asleep . N i keep giving her advice on sleeping better like . #If u sit on the couch watching tv most of the day..when u go 2 bed n do the same thing u wont get tired frm it #Or rrlaxing yr body n focusing on yr breathing Dont put the tv on if yr brain is paying attn 2 wats goin on there #Then u cant focus on sleeping . #And i ask if she understands n if shes listening bt then Every Night doesnt change how her routine is n i just Dont .. I Want 2 Help So Bad #But what can i do when ur not even listening 2 the vry basic lifestyle cuanges u Need 2 make or yr gna worry yrself sick :(((( #I dnt think impatronizing i try 2 be gentle n understanding but also like . Semi profesh like Boundaries need 2 b had if im here longterm #Bt she doesnt rlly get that bc shes Very insecure sbt herself i think she just ... Internalizes it into like #Thinking shes burdoning me or makes me feel rlly gulty 4 needing alone time i just . Idk how 2 have this talk w her cuz i feel like #I alrdy have a million times . God i do love her so so much n im scared 4 this future i just want her 2 b happy bbut #im still tryna figure out how 2 even Talk 2 Anybody let alone a very sensitive farm raised senior #Damn this is a vent post and a half #999

[foggysirens]

when the fic is fic-ing but you have to get up and go do things

#sobbin into my hands #i honestly am strugging with this fic SO MUCH and its supposed to be a fun little oneshot like not even a long one #and im afraid im never going to write anything passably good ever again #and rn its actually kind of going okay but i have to get up and make my bed and shit before it gets too late #and i just know im going to lose this momentum #and i just wanna write so bad cause its fun and i love it but i just cant help but think this im also just so bad at it #ANYWAYS HAHA #mj.chatter #personal

[computer-boy]

a few more days until i can bundle up in bed for two days and not do anything (finally)

#studying? who is she #i will pass my exams with sheer willpower #<- going to fail #i dont even care if i fail at this point. studying will just make me feel worse #if i fail i fail and its going to be my fault so its ok #i really need to sleep... homework not done tho so i guess im staying up late #i. need to get up and do it or get caffeine or something so i can #actually fuck it i have a period before its due and we never do anything in maths anyways #if i get in trouble i get in trouble theres only like. how long until holidays #its my friends bday tmr anyways i cant be tired-looking lol #i'll study when i feel better (never) #there is something seriously wrong with me #i need therapy lol #right. im really fucking tired rn #im gonna go to bed #sorry for ramble lol im just fucked up like that #turns out undiagnosed adhd can actually lead to a lot more problems than just adhd i think #vent #<-kinda?

[possum-tooth]

sleepy

#and my tummy hurts :( #ate too much dinner. and i miss my bf #life is just so hard for me </3 #literally its ONE (1) day. its annoying tho bc i get back late monday night and try to take a nap so i can see him for a minute before i #actually go to bed then wake up early tuesday. god i cant wait to be done w class #maybe then ill work [redacted] tues/thurs to make some extra money and keep my routine....... as much as i do not want to work there anymor #+ see my bf more. and also sleep in #idk much to think about but not right now <3 anyway im sleepy even tho work wasnt too busy w the rain and shit. happy sunday #talk tag

[eelmachine]

lol crazy girl! new pot and medium 4 u next year ok :-) b patient

#cant do ot now its entering dormancy have 2 do it post flowering during growing period so like late spring #it ok #im exitied for next year much to do #but im still doing many thibgs now preping 4 wintor. i have a cement and cinderblock retaining wall and foundation 2 build #and sunflowers 2 harvest soon enough #and i gotta prep my new garden bed for next year with mulch and fresh compost 2 deconpose n get hot actibe n ready 4 spring next yea wehehe #and i gotta build a new rockwall behind the bed. first i gotta find the rocks in ground and the wild world #but im slowy building a pile. ROCK PILE #BUt thats enouf about me what r u working on anything fun do YOU have orchids 2 repot next year? #OH my RLC. Dinard Blue might flower next year its up to size and has put on good growth this year WEEE #aparently it smells overwhelming like a string french perfume so excited i hope it shows its face and smell2 me #we will wait and see #im a fragrance nuthead #i just got a cestrum nocturnum (night jasmine) which os in my room im bonsai'ing it but that smells overpowrring ans so awesome #when it blooms #at night #the ambieanceee #UM ok well ive saud enouff for real now #BYE #making naans tonight do u want one?