#AND ONE PERSON WHO DEFINED ONE OF THOSE PARTS.

[athenagranted]

actually i'm still thinking about that part of oliver's zach sang interview where he says that he doesn't think of buck as a queer character, he thinks of him as a character that is queer, who has a fully fleshed out personality and a multitude of important characteristics and who has flaws and makes mistakes, just like any real, human person. he's not that bisexual character we shoved in there for representation's sake. he's evan buckley, and his bisexuality is important and undeniable but it's not the only thing that makes him buck. that makes him so loved.

i love it because that's always how 911 has approached queerness, right from the very beginning. when i think of hen, her being a black lesbian isn't the first thing that comes to mind. what comes to mind is her brilliance and her compassion towards the people that she treats. it's the understanding with which she approaches the world. it's how fiercely protective she is of her friends and her loved ones. it's her devotion towards her wife and her family. it's her complicated feelings towards her past and the way that she's learned to heal from the scars that were left. however, hen's identity as a black lesbian is always present. it's never ignored or minimized and the show never tries to diminish how those aspects of who she is would impact her life. her identity as a black woman and a queer woman is always relevant and has played a huge part in making her who she is, but it's never, ever been her sole defining characteristic. she is a fully fledged character, and her queerness has always been allowed to exist and take up space without taking away from anything else that makes her hen.

that is always how representation should be done and i'm so grateful that it's been the norm on 911 right from day one. i'm so grateful for this show, and the love and care with which they've treated our queer characters — hen, karen, michael, david, josh, that beautiful older gay couple that quite literally defined love on this show, that sweet woman who just wanted to pass her driving test, the guy who ended up with a tapeworm in his ass because he couldn't stop eating sushi, tommy, and now, evan buckley. a character that has been so loved right from the very beginning and now gets to discover this new part of himself that brings him so much joy and so much relief. despite the hurdles they've had to face, the people making this show have given so much to their queer audience and i'm just....so grateful that we get to witness the love they have for us. they really said. we see you. there is a space for you here. come and embrace it.

#I'M EMOTIONAL!!!!! #I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCH #rae.txt #911 #my commentary #evan buckley #hen wilson

[matan4il]

Passover is the Jewish festival of freedom.

Israel has 133 hostages, alive and dead, still held in captivity. I'm grateful for each one released, but as long as some of our people, Jews and non-Jews alike, are hostages, we all are. Also, yesterday alone, Israel saw no less than 6 terrorist attacks (attempted or thwarted) with zero casualties, and I'm grateful no one got hurt, but what kind of freedom do we have, when this is our daily reality, and it's not even recognized?

At the end of every Passover Seder, for 2,000 years now, Jews have concluded the holiday feast with, "Le'shana ha'baa bi'Yerushalayim (לשנה הבאה בירושלים)," next year in Jerusalem.

(here's a Passover Hagaddah from Casablanca, in Morroco, with this phrase and a drawing of the Hebrew Temple in Jerusalem -)

Passover is the festival of freedom, the story of a nation breaking its bonds of enslavement, it's a story of emancipation, and as such, it is a beacon of hope and a reminder that freedom is possible for all those who yearn for it. That's why slaves in the US south adopted this language, and expressed their hopes for freedom through the story of the Jewish exodus from Egypt.

But the story doesn't end as soon as the Israelites have left Egypt, it doesn't end in the desert. Achieving freedom is a process. That ancient story demonstrates that, but we have other, more recent examples. Jews liberated from the Nazi camps were still re-living the horrors of the Holocaust every night, if not more often than that. The hostages who have been released from their captivity at the hands of murderous, rapist Hamas terrorists are still working to recover. Freedom is a process. And in the story of the exodus from Egypt, which Jews have been re-telling annually for thousands of years, guiding our thoughts and understanding of what our freedom is, the story doesn't end when our ancestors left Egypt. The final note of the story defines our freedom as only being fully achieved after going through the journey in the desert, the process, when we are once more living freely in our ancestral, promised land, when we return to our holy city. And no matter where we live, we express this idea in Hebrew, our native, ancestral language.

(here's another Passover Hagaddah, this one from 1940's Cairo, in Egypt of all places, with this same phrase -)

Poet Amnon Ribak (whose career was originally in hi-tech before he started delving into what his Judaism means to him) once wrote, "Every man needs some sort of an Egypt, to deliver himself from its house of slaves, to leave in the middle of the night into a desert of fears, to walk straight into the waters and see it parting in front of him." He takes the Jewish exodus and turns it into a metaphor for personal challenge and growth. And how does he finish this poem? (my emphasis) "Everyone needs an Egypt, and a Jerusalem, and one long journey to remember forever through the feet."

Here's the poem composed as a song (composing poems is an Israeli tradition. And while we're at it, this is a reminder that the biggest center of original Jewish culture and art in the world today is Israel):

This Passover, we will be remembering and re-telling the story of our ancestors' exit from Egypt, we will collectively yearn for Jerusalem again, we will do our best to learn from this ancient story as if each of us has been personally delivered from Egypt, we will cherish the freedoms that we have, and keep in mind the ones we still have to fight for, first and foremost the literal freedom of our hostages. Please, if you celebrate Passover, consider leaving an empty chair at your Seder table for all the people who are not yet free.

And may we all have a happy and meaningful Pesach! <3

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

#israel #antisemitism #israeli #israel news #israel under attack #israel under fire #terrorism #anti terrorism #hamas #antisemitic #antisemites #jews #jew #judaism #jumblr #frumblr #jewish #israelunderattack #passover #pesach

[marsprincess889]

Hi! I was wondering who do Saturnian nakshatras usually feel attracted to/end up with? Is there some sort of theory for this? 🤔 thanks ❤

Lol no theory but yes, based on obsevations, multiple examples in real life and art and nakshatra yoni pairings(and their positions on the wheel) saturn people are the best match for sun people.

Each saturn nakshatra is opposite a sun nakshatra and two of them are yoni consorts of sun nakshatras, with Uttara Bhadrapada and Uttara Phalguni being both opposite each other and yoni consorts (cow yonis). Krittika is the yoni match for Pushya (sheep/goat yonis), and Anuradha's yoni consort is Jyeshta(rabbit/deer yonis), while Uttara Ashadha (mongoose yoni) has no yoni consort.

All of the saturn and sun nakshatras, except Anuradha are warrior caste, so Anuradha is a bit different in nature, but tbh that does not make much of a difference.

The usual dynamic between them is often very fun to watch cause both of those planets are tough, stubborn and independent but in completely different ways. I have a post on Uttara Phalguni and Uttara Bhadrapada and how it usually plays out, with examples. Some of it is specific to cow yonis but mostly you can apply them to all and any saturn-sun nakshatra pair. With Anuradha, it's interesting that its yoni match Jyeshta is considered very solar and masculine in nature despite being a Mercury-ruled nakshatra, so it is different in Anuradha's case, but not really.

Sun is the natural self-expression of a person and represents the soul, the rational, the cerebral, the individual and the stable, masculine part. Saturn is the rules and the limitations that have to be accepted and followed perfectly that are necessary for life in the material(physical) world. The Sun is exalted in Ashwini, and debilitated in its opposite(and enemy) nakshatra Swati, where Saturn is exalted. Saturn is debilotated in another nakshatra opposite Swati_ Bharani, which comes right after Ashwini. Also, Suna nd Saturn are natural enemies. If you think of them that way, it might appear that all that tension will translate to enmity, and it does happen sometimes, but in the case of nakshatra rulerships, oftentimes Sun and Saturn people get along exeptionally well and have a unique dynamic that makes them a powerful team. One's strengths are the other's weaknesses, they balance each other out and they have a common ground where they both appreciate and respect each other and their boundaries(mostly after some time 😅). There will, almost certainly, always be tension between them but it usually grts channelled productively, and through love. If the Sun is indepedence, and Saturn is restriction and dependence, one cannot exist without the other. We define our individuality through restrictions and rules and we restrict and define(ourselves and others) based on who we are, so it's really a very iconic dynamic you asked about. 😄

Some tropes that their dynamic reminds me of:

Battle couple

Enemies to lovers

Partners in crime to lovers

Rivals to lovers

Thanks for asking! I love their dynamic. In hetero couples its kinda different(EDIT: I meant, it's different based on which planet type is which gender), but the overall vibe and the dynamic stays the same. They(sun and saturn individuals) really seem like opposite people until they actually interact and then they act like two almost identical bickering children while enjoying it 😭 they are very loyal, forgot to mention, probably the most loyal along with venus people, and very defensive. They might get offended if anyone tries to get involved in their "bickering"(flirting), it's just between them. I can confirm all of the above causse I'm a Sun girl(a venus girl, but with uttara phalguni ascendant) 😁

Anyways, glad you asked. If you have similar questions about other nakshatras it always helps to pay attention to little details about them, like, yoni animals, which planets are friends, neutral or enemies, nakshatra caste, planet exaltations and detriments, nakshatra nature, nakshatra placements at the zodiac wheel... and a lot of this comes from observing real life and art through the years, as well as from personal experience. I think you have to filer any information through your own lens and see for yourself, maybe you'll discover something new that others did not catch. I'm basically encouraging you to observe without pressure and have fun, and to fact check what others say for yourself. 🙂

#vedic astrology #astrology #astrology observations #nakshatras #sidereal astrology #astro notes #astrology tumblr #ask #sun nakshatras #sun #saturn nakshatras #saturn #krittika #anuradha #pushya #uttara phalguni #uttara ashadha #uttara bhadrapada #enemies to lovers

[penofwildfire]

Y'know I'm pretty sure obsessively thinking about a lego cartoon all day every day for over a decade to the point that it's a key part of your entire personality and one of the first things people know about you is just. Not a very allistic thing to do. Y'know? You understand me?

#mom it's been a DECADE #a DECADE of me doing this #but noooo I can't be autistic because I'm not exactly like my cousins or whatever she thinks autism has to look like 🙄 #and I HAVE other traits!! I do!! but those are written off as just annoying habits or personal failures on my part!! #she KNOWS how much I like this show. she's been THERE for my incessant ramblings and half-baked theories #she's been THERE for my piles and piles of fanart that all started with a silly doodle of Lloyd #she's SEEN me turn everything intonan excuse to talk about Ninjago!! it's a running joke with people who know me!! it's a whole thing!! #it's one of my defining traits!!!!! #fuckin hell man!! #sorry for the rant on main lol #autism #autistic #ninjago

[xxlovelynovaxx]

Hey all. So for Pride Month, I wanna talk some about butch and femme identities.

Specifically, the false dichotomy that's been made out of them.

If you've spent any time at all around multigender people, you know that manhood and womanhood are not oppositional or mutually exclusive. If you've spent any time at all in healthy general trans spaces, you know that masculinity and femininity aren't, either.

So then why are butch and femme (and futch, when it's remembered), treated as such?

My main identity is butch, because every aspect of my identity is masc in some way. It has to be, for me to feel comfortable and safe in it. When I am a gender in the feminine spectrum, I am masc in presentation, affect, performance, and other similar aspects. When I am masc-gendered, I actually tend to be more femme, though, because the mascness is safely cemented in my gender! When I am an abinary gender, it can vary and that's actually when I tend to be more neutral, but there is still less femininity than masculinity.

I could go into why (double dysphoria over people assuming both the wrong gender and the wrong sex, since I am intersex) but I will leave it other than that parenthetical. But even aside from being a system, on an individual level I am butch AND femme. Queer masculinity is a stronger part of my identity than queer femininity, but that doesn't erase the queer femininity. It doesn't erase the way I am so rarely a masculine man that I basically joke my two binary genders are femboy and butch. It doesn't erase how when my gender approaches one binary, my relationship with genderqueer expression and existence always queers.

To be clear, for some people individually, the two are separate and oppose each other. I'm not saying they have to adjust their understanding of their OWN identity, but just to recognize that theirs is not the "one right way".

I am butch AND femme. Both are important to me. Sometimes they are even contradictory. I'm multigender and intersex and a system and many other things besides. It happens. My identity doesn't have to make sense to everyone. But it is valid and deserves to be treated as such.

(Also, since it's been brought up that degendering or regendering typically masculine things still counts as butch - it absolutely does. Using anything you or anyone else considers masculine and queering it in any way counts as butch. I'm not a prescriptivist.)

#butch #femme #futch #btw the 'those are for lesbians only' crowd can fuck off #as can any other kind of exclusionary queerphobes #y'all will just be blocked I don't have time for your shit #anyway the thing about queer identities is that they are inherently not straight-forward #they're QUEER that's the POINT #also the disclaimer is for the one asshole who took my response to someone saying 'stop trying to make butch masc' out of context #they were like 'omg you can't define labels for other people ACKSHUALLY butch doesn't HAVE to do anything with masculinity #I'm like 'uhh I never said that couldn't be butch. you just wildly misinterpreted what I meant by 'masculinity' and put words in my mouth' #like I literally coined descrippunk bc I hate prescriptivism so much who do you think I am? #anyway long rant bc I have neurodivergent ✨trauma✨ from people assuming bad intentions on my part and misintepreting me #I hope that person has throttled internet speeds every time they try to post bs on the internet

[get-starfingered]

So glad the fandom has no control over the canon of this series, istg these takes are so bland and would ruin Jojo's.

#not to be That Guy but this person clearly didn't understand/care for the story Araki was telling with both parts 5 & 6 respectively #low hanging fruit finding some rando spouting off about how they want to scrap stone ocean but hey #no it would not have been more impactful for any of dio's kids to have ended the joestar curse actually #wtf are you on #''the joestars should have been completely helpless against their foes & fate unless they possessed some of their enemies' DNA'' 🤢 #and although giorno reflects both dio and jonathan in his design his story and hos characterization the whole point of his adventure was #defining himself and achieving his goals without being held back by the entrenched workings of society/the mob + his past home life + fate #Jolyne's journey is (in part) about severing a fate she did not consent to and that had fractured her life seemingly beyond repair #giorno has nothing to do with her journey & he (having brando + joestar blood) is not ''more worthy'' of ending the curse #to branch off into yet another tangent: i've become annoyed by the constant nattering of fans regarding giorno not meeting pucci as #ungalo et al did. pucci's gravity wasn't gathering every single one of dio's spawn to one point #it specifically drew to him the children who had fallen into lives of disorder/dismay/disrepair. those who are lost #it wasn't just ''all of dio's blood whoops araki forgot giorno 🤪'' it was following the themes of part 6 #but of course many jojo fans are notoriously allergic to seeing the themes of each part & care more about fan service than anything else #might make a bigger post about this one of these days lol

[psychoticallytrans]

I do wish that "oppositional sexism" was a more commonly known term. It was coined as part of transmisogyny theory, and is defined as the belief that men and women, are distinct, non-overlapping categories that do not share any traits. If gender was a venn diagram, people who believe in oppositional sexism think that "men" and "women" are separate circles that never touch.

The reason I think that it's a useful term is that it helps a lot with articulating exactly why a lot of transphobic people will call a cis man a girl for wearing nail polish, then turn around and call a trans woman a man. Both of those are enforcement of man and woman as non-overlapping social categories. It's also a huge part of homophobia, with many homophobes considering gay people to no longer really belong to their gender because they aren't performing it to their satisfaction.

It's a large part of the reason behind arguments that men and women can't understand each other or be friends, and/or that either men or women are monoliths. If men and women have nothing in common at all, it would be difficult for them to understand each other, and if all men are alike or all women are alike, then it makes sense to treat them all the same. Enforcing this rift is particularly miserable for women and men in close relationships with each other, but is often continued on the basis that "If I'm not a real man/woman, they won't love me anymore."

One common "progressive" form of oppositional sexism is an idea often put as the "divine feminine", that women are special in a way that men will never understand. It's meant to uplift women, but does so in ways that reinforce the idea that men and women are fundamentally different in ways that can never be reconciled or transcended. There's a reason this rhetoric is hugely popular among both tradwifes and radical feminists. It argues that there is something about women that men will never have or know, which is appealing when you are trying to define womanhood in a way that means no man is or ever has been a part of it.

You'll notice that nonbinary people are sharply excluded from the definition. This doesn't mean it doesn't apply to them, it means that oppositional sexism doesn't believe nonbinary people of any kind exist. It's especially rough on multigender people who are both men and women, because the whole idea of it is that men and women are two circles that don't overlap. The idea of them overlapping in one person is fundamentally rejected.

I think it's a very useful term for talking about a lot of the problems that a lot of queer people face when it comes to trying to carve out a place for ourselves in a society that views any deviation from rigid, binary categories as a failure to perform them correctly.

[ipso-faculty]

Perisex allies: stop this shit

CW: intersexism

Came across this infographic during some google image searching and I'm still kind of a state of despair about it because it's not just offensively wrong about what intersex is, it was used to teach university students about queer issues:

Alt text: LGBTQIA+ are defined one by one. Intersex is defined erroneously as "These are people who were born with genital organs of both sexes (male and female). It is a genetic condition."

It's one thing for your rando perisex person to be getting this wrong on social media. It's another thing entirely when it's professionals getting this wrong in an educational setting. 😩 And that this infographic appears in a peer-reviewed publication. 😩

It's even worse to know the students that were taught with this infographic were medical students, who will be the ones traumatizing intersex people for decades to come 😩

It's so wrong in so many different ways:

Intersex is not limited to people with genital differences. Most intersex people have intersex variations that are not apparent at birth, with puberty being the most common time of life for variations to present. Many people find out in adulthood having no outward physical differences.

Of the intersex people with genital differences, they do not have two sets of genitals. Most genital differences are still recognizably female or male (e.g. spadias), and those who have ambiguous genitals have one set.

Intersex is not "male parts + female parts" or even "intermediate male/female parts", it is an umbrella term for anybody whose primary/secondary sex characteristics don't line up with what is expected for male and female bodies. Some intersex variations make women look more feminine, or make men look more masculine.

Defining intersex by genital differences doesn't just exclude most intersex people, it also sets the tone that we are defined by our genitals. To be publicly intersex is to have non-stop DMs about your genitals. This sort of framing sets up openly intersex people for invasive questions and harassment, and it keeps large numbers of intersex people from coming out.

Many intersex variations do not have a known genetic basis. Many intersex variations are caused by exposure to certain hormonal levels in the womb. Certain medications when taken during pregnancy can trigger intersex variations.

While bodily variation is necessary for being intersex, the social experience of stigma, discrimination, isolation, hyper-medicalization, and hyper-sexualization are all just as much a part of being intersex.

📣 Perisex allies: this is shit you can stop. When you see other perisex people parrot this sort of misinformation, correct them. Direct them to look up resources written by actually intersex people.

Here are some starter resources to give:

Intersex explained by Hans Lindahl

Media and style guide by IHRA

FAQ by intersex-support

A recent post I did compiling information for trans people who want to be better intersex allies

#intersex #text #intersexism #queer #lgbt #lgbtia #lgbt education #perisex allies #psa #actuallyintersex #actually intersex

[critterbitter]

re: your thoughts on legendaries (which is very cool and based) what’s your take on the differences between legends:arceus giratina and platinum giratina, especially since you defined them as hating the world? specifically the bit where giratina (at least seemingly) actively defended the world from cyrus trying to destroy it, after trying to do the same thing with volo’s help centuries prior?

Weird ghost worm upon yee (AND MORE ART BELOW CUT!)

Anyways, here’s my mad ramblings about Giratina and Arceus’s backstory.

Tldr: Giratina’s a conglomerate of angry souls scorned by Arceus.

(Here’s the playlist. It’s all about worms.)

How it Started.

The original one has chosen favorites over the passage of time. Heroes, legends, protagonists…

Arceus intervenes for those it loves, and the consequences of a god touching the mortal world is devastating in its entirety. One act of divine intervention causes entire civilizations to collapse. One whispered suggestion drives an entire legacy insane.

So Arceus, paralyzed by its love for the mortal world, acts very little, learning from its mistakes. Apathy soaks through every motion. And thus is the way of the world.

But people love the Originator. Religions are born from Arceus’s rare deeds, and generation on generation taught its benevolence. Imagine spending your entire life chasing after that golden light. Imagine knowing its real and there, and it loves you.

Imagine begging it for help, and seeing it turn away when you need it most.

I think those people would feel very abandoned indeed, if they spent their lives worshipping, and receiving no response at all.

Giratina is born from the abandoned, the lost, and the angry. They’re a hundred thousand souls who’s adoration turned to spite. They’re an entity who demands for Arceus to look at them, so they can finally rest.

Arcues can not look at them in full, because if it does Giratina will fade.

(Scio, beloved. For I can not let you go.)

So the Original One banishes the Unwanted Beast into the distortion world, and Giratina seethes, and starves, and screams.

(Here are two truths about the Beast Between Dimensions—

1. Some part of them still loves Arceus. Arceus is their anchor, after all— the sole reason why they exist, why they are. But Arceus can not love it back in a way that matters, and that hurts.

2. Giratina is made of a thousand voices. Some of these voices remember that there’s a world above. They miss it.)

Why Giratina attacked Hisui in PLA:

PLA Giratina’s not a new god, but they’re very, very bitter and barely coherent on a good day. Volo serves as a conduct to help unite the broiling mass of ghosts against Arceus, and thus Giratina’s hatred overcomes any flickering affections they have for the land.

It doesn’t help that Arceus intervened for Hisui, sending Akari to directly stop Volo from summoning Giratina.

(As for Volo, well.

Imagine being a child who was thrown into the future due to Palkia and Dialga’s fits, who learned his people (his world) no longer exist beyond a shadow in the history books and a single, bitter lore keeper.

Volo doesn’t remember his original culture beyond vague imprints and singing praises to Sinnoh, but he knew he was loved, and he knew his family is dust four hundred years in the past. There’s a special sort of rage in him that echoes Giratinas.)

(Why did you abandon my people, Arceus? What kind of god are you, to leave those who love you so callously behind?)

(Maybe some part of Giratina recognizes Volo, beyond a feeling of kinship.

Maybe some part of Giratina grieves because it recognized the child Volo was.)

When Volo gets his pound of flesh, (when he realizes Arceus is not beholden to him, that the inherent alien morality Arceus holds is not a personal slight), Giratina will finally rest.

Anyways what I’m trying to say is: Arceus is never a person, but a nebulous embodiment of the connection shared between pokemon and humans. It tries to experience what it’s supposed to embody, but millennia of watching people be and cease has given it choice paralysis, apathy, and a hoarding issue. If something lasts forever next to it? Good.

Giratina was once a person. (Correction, a LOT of persons.) They don’t think very linearly either, but they have context on mortal matters and are thus the more benevolent and malicious of the two. One day, time will smooth them into something like Arceus. We can only hope the two keep each other in check.

THE DIFFERENCE OF LEGENDS ARCEUS GIRATINA VS PLATINUM PEARL GIRATINA

If the ancient version of giratina is an angry conglomerate of ghosts scorned by Arceus, the modern iteration of Giratina’s a creature that’s more settled in its skin and more assured in its duties. Giratina still has beef with Arceus, but they unionized into one being who’s love of the mortal world has triumphed over its ancestral grudge. One might even postulate they have shifted their anchor from Sinnoh the god, to Sinnoh the place.

((We call this character developement. Good for you, weird ghost worm!))

(((FULL DISCLOSURE, VOLO BEING FROM THE PAST IS INSPIRED FROM FOXFALL. You know. The fic that got me into this fandom. Please give it some love.)))

#critterbitter screams into the void #pokemon #ask #mailbox #Giratina and arceus #man #might be subject to change but mmm #thinking about how pokemon canonically has ghost moshpit pokemon #looking at spiritomb #and pallosand #ghost pokemon are weird #oops! would you look at that! #chandelure and giratina as foils (they both have anchors who willingly and unwillingly abandon them) #giratina #arceus #pla lore #pla #art #sketchbook #myart #not submas related (but still worth the brainrot) #volo mention #pokemon art #giratina redesign #legendary pokemon

[xveenusx]

Wanted

Paring(s): JJ maybank x fem!reader

Summary: in a world where someone had everything, she still got treated like she was nothing. all she wanted was to be wanted.

Authors note: I wanted this piece piece to be as real as possible. It's not simple, its messy. We've all gone back to that one person we know we shouldn't just because being alone seemed worse. Also she gets absolutely railed so that helps. So please be kind to her lmfao.

Rating: smut, 18+, mdni, ANGST

Song rec: making the bed by olivia rodrigo

Part 1: Guilty

Bored. 

I was so incredibly bored. I leaned against the built in bar as I watched Topper and Kelce take body shots off some tourists they invited. The loud bass of the music did little to tune out the annoying voice of Amy Culpo, who stood next to me, and rattled on about my mother’s latest line. 

“I mean, it’s absolutely stunning.” I know it is. I was there when she designed it. “Any chance you have tickets to her next show?”

Ah, there it was. The brutal truth he reminded me of all those months ago. Every interaction was a strategic move to climbing the next prong on the social ladder. Everyone always wanted something. 

I used to fight that notion. I thought I was better than them because I actually cared about other people. My wealth did not define me nor how I treated other people, but despite every effort I made both before and after him, I realized none of it mattered. 

I couldn’t escape my wealth. It was permanently engraved into my body and no matter how hard I tried to scrub, it wouldn’t go away. I’ve now fully embraced that ugly truth and decided that I might as well use it to my advantage. I almost always had something that others wanted and I just had to figure out what they were willing to give. I didn’t need any more money, but there were things that were far more valuable. Favors, tickets to the hottest openings, plane rides. Since everyone already saw me as a spoiled little rich girl, I might as well play the part. 

‘Depends. Are those last season MIU MIU?” I asked, tossing a look at the shoes on her feet. 

“There from the season before-“ I pulled a face at her words. Before last season? I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything last season let alone the season before. 

“Oh honey, if those are two seasons old, then I highly doubt you have anything I want.” The shocked look on her face dulled the aching pain that seemed to permanently reside in my chest. 

“I can charter a plane-“

I raised my hand to silence her. “You don’t have your own?” 

What was she even doing here? 

This was a new little project of mine. I tossed away all those societal niceties that did little for me in the end. I still couldn’t get anyone to stay. This was much more fun. You’d be surprised by how much stuff you could get away with if you cut out all the bullshit.

Amy’s cheeks flushed red and maybe once I’d have felt bad or be disgusted by how I was treating her but I was numb. I realized nothing really mattered. Whether I was nice or rude, people all wanted the same things from me. At least this way, I could armor myself. 

“There’s my pretty girl.” Warm hands curled around my waist, tugging me against a hard body. 

I rolled my eyes. I wasn't his anything, Rafe knew that but he’s always had a flare for the dramatics. Tom Ford’s Noir de Noir filled my nose as I swatted at his hands, hands that I’ve grown quite familiar with. 

“You left me.” I shot him a bratty look, one he met head on with a smile. Amy still stood there awkwardly, clearing her throat in an obvious attempt to gain my attention. 

I turned around in Rafe’s arms, debating my next move. Almost immediately his chin came to rest on the top of my head while his arms curled around my front.

My eyes shot one last distasteful look at her outfit, before tossing out my arm in the opposite direction. “Shoo.”

She huffed before stomping away but not before shooting me one final glare. A look that would have made me cry before, but now it simply dinged off the impenetrable armor I’ve suited myself with. 

“I was hoping it’d build character, but clearly that didn’t work.” I could hear the smile in his words as he pressed a kiss on the top of my head. 

“The entire conversation was dull. She didn’t even have a jet, plus her shoes were two seasons ago.” I shuddered in disgust. Could never be me.

Rafe clutched his chest in mock disgust,”Not two seasons.” 

I let out a huff, my chest going warm at the teasing glint in his eye.

There was no spark. There were no butterflies. Just familiarity and warmth. It was safe. We both knew what this was and expected nothing more. For now, we were just having fun. Despite the fact that I spent most nights at his place and rarely found myself without him.

I’ve found somewhat of a friend in Rafe. Someone to share the burden of being from a family like ours. He understood me. He enjoyed shiny things just as I did. 

We spent a lot of our time going to the mainland because the idea of running into him still sent me to my knees. This was a small island. One that he was spending all his time running around with her instead of me. Rafe never said a word about it, never mentioned his sister or her pogue friends. And for that, maybe I do love him a little.

“You make fun of me now, but you’d still be wearing polo shirts and plaid shorts if it weren’t for me.” My hands smooth down the front of his linen light blue shirt, the first several buttons open paired with some black Gucci slacks and a black belt from Dolce & Gabbana. He no longer looked like a frat douche but a member of upper class society. 

The same can’t be said about his friends.

“C’mon. Top and Kelce want us over there.” Rafe grasped my hand and tugged me in the direction of drunken yells. I pursed my lips but trudged behind him. The idea of being thrown up on was less than appealing, but being by myself was even less appealing.

“Hey guys.” Rafe nodded at them, taking a seat on the adjacent couch, a table with all sorts of drugs littered on it in between them. 

The pair of them were obliterated, both their pupils blown wide and their speech slurred. That didn’t stop them from tossing me a sloppy grin and shouting a greeting. 

The spot next to Rafe was vacant but on the other end was a couple gnawing each other's faces off that had me scrunching my nose up in disgust. He surely didn’t expect me to sit next to that?

He didn’t even bat an eye, instead Rafe patted his lap, tugging at my hand to sit down. “Wanna drink, baby?” 

I nodded, deciding to once again indulge. It was better than feeling that stabbing pain that burned in my chest. It was a horrible solution but one that Rafe always supported, in fact he often took part in self-destructing with me. We were done with trying to be perfect for parents who couldn’t give less of a fuck. 

A red solo cup with a familiar yellow concoction was waved in front of me. The pungent scent of tequila burned my nose and I shot him a secret smile. Rafe’s blue eyes narrowed in on me, glued on my smile before he shook his head in amusement. 

“That’s the kinda night we’re going for?” He asked, his hand slowly gripping my thigh. 

“Unless you don’t want to?” I sighed dramatically, pushing his dark blonde strands back from his face, something I knew he loved. 

“If I ever say no to that question, feel free to shoot me.” 

A giggle escaped my lips as I tapped my cup against his before bringing it to my lips, tilting my head back and zeroing it out. 

The tequila left a burning trail down my stomach that I welcomed. It meant I was one step closer to not feeling anything at all. 

“Another?” Rafe’s eyes pointed at my now empty cup and I nodded. 

Being responsible was so overrated. 

Lifting his hand up, almost immediately two younger boys, about 16, appear. Rafe pointed at me, muttering something before the pair nodded and took off.

I raised my eyebrow at him, confused. 

He just shrugged, leaning forward to touch the golden pendant that hung from my neck. “I promised them tickets to the Charleston basketball game if they did whatever I said.”

“Why?” 

“I was bored,” He hummed in response,”This is new, it’s pretty..” 

I smiled back at him, the very picture of nonchalance, before replying,”Thank you. You bought it for me.” 

His ocean eyes rested on me, the infatuation clear as day that had my stomach clenching. “Course I did. I have great taste.” 

Rafe gave me his card about two months ago, not that I needed it, but he enjoyed taking care of me and I didnt mind. Plus, whenever he made me mad, I made sure to run the bill up, hoping for some type of reaction but it only left him amused. 

Nerves gnawed at my stomach at the intense eye contact. Maybe the lines have blurred slightly. Clearing my throat to try and break the tension, I tossed my hair over my shoulder. “Want to see what else you bought me?”

“Enlighten me.” 

I flashed him my freshly manicured nails, “What do you think?” 

Rafe caught my hand, a half smile painted on his face, and kissed it. “Is that passion pink?” 

“It’s actually bubblegum blush.” 

“Beautiful, baby. I love it.” His words burned into my chest. 

It was hard to describe. His approval had butterflies thrumming in my stomach. Maybe it was because we were stuck in similar situations, but his approval suddenly meant something to me. Being with him meant I wasn’t alone. 

“You know we’re right here, right?” Topper's voice cut through the tension and I let out a laugh, relieved to look away. 

“Fuck off.” Rafe laughed, regaining his composure as well. 

Topper leaned forward holding out a black AMEX for me to take. My eyes paused on the card before shooting him a flat look. 

“Are you kidding?” 

Topper gave me a blank look, not a thought behind those eyes. 

I rolled my eyes and stuck my nose up in mock outrage. “Rafe does it for me.” 

The annoyed look on Topper’s face sent a thrill through my body. He was the easiest to rile up and Rafe knew it as he hid his chuckle with a quick cough. 

The hand on my bare thigh slowly drew circles, the action almost unconscious, which had my brain blanking. It was a relief to not think. To not remember. To not feel. 

“Are your hands broken?” 

“No. I’m too pretty.” I shrugged, batting my lashes at him.

Topper openly scowled at me, his eyes dropping to where Rafe’s hands held me tightly. “What happened to the nice little girl who cried about everything?”

“Lay off.” Rafe snipped, leaning forward and snatching the AMEX out of his hand. His movements were quick and precise, with ease that only came with experience. 

He separated the coke into three lines, one for me and two for him, just like always. 

Bending over, I snorted the line quickly. Turning to hand Rafe the hundred dollar bill, his fingers dust off any remaining powder off my nose, before he bent over and did the same.

I leaned back into Rafe, the mixture of the tequila and the sting of the coke had me feeling sublime. It was a perfect balance. The alcohol got me warm and buzzed while the coke kept me awake and alert, an upper and a downer, a perfect description for every emotion in my body. 

“I grew up.” 

Topper hummed. “You certainly did.”

For the next hour, my mind never drifted to him. I enjoyed having thoughts that were my own, that didn’t revolve around him. Instead, my thoughts focused on the man below me. Rafe was always touching me. Even more so than usual, his hand never left my body once. If I let go of his hand to reach for my drink, he’s just moved it to my thigh. It was almost possessive which was odd, we didn’t do possessive. 

Every couple moments, he’d pause in the middle of a conversation to press small kisses anywhere his lips could reach. It seemed performative, but I just couldn’t prove it.

“You’re thinking too hard.” His hot breath hot against the shell of my ear. 

I said nothing for a moment before licking my lips and muttering,”Are you okay? You seem more clingy than usual?” 

He just nodded, pulling me to his hard chest, his eyes darting to the side. “I just like having you with me.”

The sentiment was sweet and my heart tugged at his words. But, I couldn’t let go of the feeling that I was missing something. “I like having you with me too.” I allowed myself to give him a sliver of vulnerability, something I’ve avoided like plague, because it was true. He made living just a bit easier.

My head began to spin as I felt the lines of our odd friendship begin to blur. I knew neither of us would admit the sudden shift but it was there. I could tell with each lingering gaze and those secret touches. Maybe there was something here. I just had to give in.

“I’m glad you came to your senses,” He responded, but once again his eyes are not on mine but darting around me. 

“What does that have to do with anything?” My voice comes out hushed, hoping it would get him to lower his voice. 

My smile from his previous confession dimmed. Nerves slowly began to surface as I tried to read between the lines.

“You do belong with me, at least that's what you scream every night, isn’t that right baby?” He was boasting, loud enough to have his boys give him lame-ass high fives. 

The small burst of happiness curdled like old milk in my stomach. I wasn’t a prude, not by a long shot, but I was a private person. Rafe knew this and he was still flaunting our private moments in a way that made me feel dirty. 

“Stop talking about me like that.” I said, “What’s gotten into you?” 

I felt Rafe go rigid under me. Frowning, I tilted my head back to make sure he was alright but his eyes were glued ahead. 

“Rafe, I’m here for my stuff. Where did you say you put it again?” 

My head turned and my stomach did a backflip. Sarah stood at the entrance of the room, looking immensely uncomfortable. 

John B stood behind her, his big brown puppy-like eyes widened at the sight of me on Rafe’s lap. Or maybe it was because of  the coke laid out in front of me? 

But wherever he was, JJ wasn’t far behind. John B whispered something in Sarah’s ear, her eyes jumped to me for a split second before returning to his. She nodded and John B made a beeline for the other room. 

I let out a choked laugh. I’m sure he was going to report back to his little lap dog. What were they even doing here in the first place? It’s not like Rafe knew-

My brain clicked into place. The constant need to touch me and the over the top PDA was because he was here. Rafe knew he was here and wanted to rub it in his face. 

Rafe’s words were never for me. They were for him.

None of this was real. Not the endearing names, not the proclamations of affection. An ice bucket of realization poured over me and I felt like a fool. A fool for thinking that somebody else could want me, could maybe even love me.

Fuck this. Fuck both of them. 

“You knew.” I accused, shoving his hands off of my body. 

Rafe said nothing, but the flicker in his eyes gave him away. I wasn’t safe with him either. Embarrassment oozed into me, the feeling painstakingly familiar. We agreed to never make each other feel this way since our parents did it enough, but he did it to me. 

Don’t think. Don’t feel. 

Snatching the cup out of his hand, I forced it down, gulp by gulp, wincing at the burn. Straight tequila. “Babe-“

“Shut up.” I hissed, moving off his lap and shoving Topper to move over. Everyone always wanted something from me. 

They never just wanted me.

Maybe I was defective. I had to be. 

JJ didn’t love me when I was me. When I cared about other people and sacrificed pieces of my happiness for them.

Rafe didn’t love me now. When I was a spoiled brat who treated everyone like a transaction. 

It didn’t matter if I was nice or a total raging bitch. Either way, I couldn't get anyone to love me.

I was just the stepping stone they used before they found the person they really wanted to be with. I was just there to make them feel good about themselves. For them to take and take just to toss me aside when they were done. Leaving me a shell of a person with no one, not even myself.

I guess, I was impossible to love.

“Line it up, Topper.”

“Can I at least get a please?”

“Be lucky that I’m even talking to you.”

Topper scoffed but did what I asked, lining up two lines of chalky white powder. “There you go, princess:” 

A rolled hundred dollar bill was held out in front of me. Plucking it out of his fingers. I bent over the table. Don’t think. Don’t feel. 

Dragging the cylinder bill down the crystal snow powder I’ve grown to love, I inhaled deeply. The chemicals flowing through the nose. I could practically feel the coke dissolving into my bloodstream, my body vibrating in response. 

Dropping the bill on the table, I tilt my head back, begging my brain to shut off. I closed my eyes and chose to focus on the beat of the music that had my heart thrumming in my chest.

Then it happened.

All the air in the room was sucked up. The hair behind my neck stood up and my body suddenly awakened in a way it hadn’t in months. 

My body recognized him before my brain did. The moment I opened my eyes, his eyes clashed with mine.

JJ.

It was like seeing him for the first time, a memory I thought I would never get the chance to feel again. 

Heavy set blonde brows framed his bright blue eyes beautifully, the strong cut jaw that was currently clenched, and his lips soft and pouty, tightly pressed in a flat line. This face, his beautiful face, wouldn’t be complete without some mark. A bruise, a soft purple and yellow hue, decorated his cheek bone. His bottom lip busted. 

He was so beautiful. 

My body reacted before my brain could follow. I stood up quickly, too quickly that the blood rushed to my head and the room seemed to spin. 

God, he was beautiful. And I fucking hated him for it. He was supposed to be like me, a complete and total mess, but instead, he looked the same, even better actually. 

That thought alone had me ready to jump off the balcony.

My movements were clumsy and I drunkenly stumbled while standing still, his eyes clocking that in seconds. 

Despite the loud music, I noticed the silence coming from the couch. 

My eyes jumped to Rafe. All the laughter around us died off and everyone was exchanging nervous looks. It didn’t take a genius to read the room and the situation I’ve somehow managed to put myself in. 

Blue eyes flickered between the two of us. It cracked my chest open wide and opened the floodgates I’ve been trying so hard to keep closed. 

The crushing inescapable weight of shame hit me first. I was plastered, obviously so, and high as a kite. The evidence of what I’d been doing displayed out in front of me like a flashing sign. And I was fucking the one guy he hated. 

It was unreasonable, I know. He left me and even pushed me in the direction of the one guy he hated and yet, I was the one feeling bad. He hasn’t even opened his mouth yet and it’s been turned onto me. But love never makes sense. It made the most sane people lose every coherent thought, I was the prime example.

“You should probably go, bro.” Rafe said, his tone was anything but. 

He moved from his spot on the couch and stopped beside me. Rafe shoved a hand in one pocket while the other reached for mine, but I folded my arms across my chest. Mostly because I was mad at him, but a part of me didn’t want JJ seeing that. 

JJ didn’t spare him a second glance.

He had on a dark blue short sleeve button down shirt with black cargos and chunky black boots on his feet. A backwards red hat settled nicely on the blonde mass of wavy hair and his shark necklace hanging against the exposed part of his chest. 

It was so JJ. All of it, right down to the colorful bracelets that littered his wrists. 

A hand grasped my chin and tilted up. I held my breath. His fingers slid along my jaw and he rubbed his thumb over the skin. His eyes felt like lasers, honing in on every detail of my face. 

I swallowed audibly. JJ leaned in closer, bringing his height down to mine. His thumb brushed a soft stroke below my nose while his lips brushed against my ear. 

“You had a little something on your nose.” 

JJ let go of my face, his expression hard. Then he brushed past me, leaving a gaping wound in his wake. 

Tears burned behind my closed eyes. He didn’t need to say it because I already knew what he was thinking. Sure, JJ smoked some weed but he never touched any of the hard stuff, not wanting to pick up the same habits as his dad. Hard drugs were a hard limit for him and he found me snorting several lines of it. 

I went and became the very thing he hated, just like he wanted. It didn’t feel as satisfying as I thought it would. Instead, I felt like I lost another piece of myself. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I said to Rafe, finally gathering the courage to open my eyes. 

He shuffled beside me. “Him being here wasn’t going to change anything.”

We both knew that was a lie.

“It’s him, Rafe. It changes everything for me.” 

Rafe scoffed and shook his head. “You’re really going to try and go back to that?”

“I’m not saying that-” I spluttered out, outraged as his voice continued to carry across the room. 

“He didn’t want you.” 

People around us began to whisper, their heads huddled together with their phones out. Wet hot tears threatened to fall as the control I took months to master began to unravel. 

“Yeah, well you don’t either.” 

“What the hell are you talking about? Before he got here, everything was perfect.”

“I’m not stupid. You think I didn’t notice what you were doing? That wasn’t for us, that was for him.”

“I didn't mean for you to think I was using you-“

I gripped his chin, and pulled his face down to my height, my eyes brimming with angry tears. “You don’t use me. I use you.” I shoved his face back, needing to collect my composure. 

Everyone’s eyes were on us and I was desperate to save face. It was the only thing I had left. 

“Get the fucking picture?”

“Crystal clear.” He responded through gritted teeth, his eyes hard. 

“If you want a whore, go buy one.” 

Rafe cleared his throat, his face iced over. “I thought that’s what I was already doing.”

I stood there for a moment, not understanding what I did to deserve to be treated like this by not one man but two. I felt like an idiot. Like the stupidest fucking person on this god forsaken planet. 

Two hours ago, I thought that maybe Rafe had feelings for me and played with the idea of exploring that with him. And now, I was a gold digging whore. 

I felt another piece of my heart break off, mourning the loss of the only friendship I really had.

Pressing my hair down with my hands, I look down to fix my dress, swallowing as I went, hoping to pull myself together and buy some time. 

“I’m glad to hear how little you think of me.” I sent him a sad smile,” I guess I’m keeping up with everyone’s expectations.” 

I stepped around him, heading to the direction of the bar, the adrenaline from all the excitement having effectively killed my buzz. 

Staring at the bottles of liquor on the counter had me frowning, all being some bottom shelf brand I’ve never heard of. I moved around the bar to the cabinets behind it, looking for the good tequila. It was the least Rafe could do seeing as though he just blew up whatever the fuck we were doing. 

Spotting the only tequila I drank, I grabbed the entire handle. Twisting the top off, I tossed it aside carelessly before taking a healthy swig. Then another. And another. 

I stumbled into another room, shoving people out of my way. I ignored the angry shouts because I was way past the point of caring. I just-I just wanted to see him.

As if someone heard my thoughts, I spotted JJ leaning against a wall with a lit joint dangled between his fingers and a beer in the other. 

He had so much charisma, it demanded the attention of the room. People gravitated towards him all the time but he refused to see himself that way. 

Even now, he stood surrounded by several people, including a girl who was too close for my liking, and they were hanging onto every word. All of their bodies angled towards him, nodding along. The people around them curiously moving in to hear more of the story that had so many of them laughing. 

It was almost ironic. It was the point I was trying to prove all those months ago. Kooks vs. Pouges was bullshit. Because, right now JJ is telling a story to a bunch of Kooks who were eating it right up. Neither parties cared about their status, they just wanted to socialize and have fun. 

Why couldn’t he see that? 

The organ in my chest began to flutter, the butterflies erupting in my stomach at his nearness. Panic began to set in. I thought I’d pushed it all down. 

All it took was seeing him. Just once. For the last couple months of progress to be thrown out the window. I made sure to not feel anything anymore, because the alternative destroyed me. And yet, there he stood, looking like every dream I’ve ever had, and completely disarming my very being with one look. 

I never wanted to feel that way again. My heart was open and my soul was bared, but I was naive. I thought love was supposed to be empowering. But really, it was poison. It slowly entered your bloodstream, coating every vein before slowly taking over every organ. It leaked into your brain and made you lose all common sense. The poison tricked you into thinking that certain treatment was okay because at least they were here. At least, they still wanted to be with you because they love you, right? 

But eventually, like all things lacking an antidote, it began to cut off your oxygen. It curled around your lungs and squeezed until you gasped for breath with tears staining your face. It didn’t matter how much you screamed and shouted, nothing came out. The last organ it takes over is your heart. That silly little organ who was so trusting begins to pump faster, desperately trying to get that oxygen to your brain, because maybe then you’ll finally be able to think clearly. But in the end, it slows down. Each pump is slower than the last until finally it comes to a stop. The heart broke. 

It’s the closest thing to dying I’ve ever experienced.

It was like drowning on dry land.

His words did not leave me dented, but destroyed. 

I lost my sense of myself. I lost my identity. I put on a performance every time I left my house, wanting to see just how far I could get away with treating people the same way they treat me. 

At first it didn’t feel good, but now I didn’t feel anything at all. Or so I thought until I saw him again. And I just want to see that he was doing okay and maybe, if I can admit it, to see if he still loved me, however little that may be.

I watched from my spot on the other side of the room as the crowd began to disperse, leaving JJ with some blonde. I vaguely recognized her from a shoot for one of my mom’s brands. I believe her parents worked in the fashion industry as well. Which would have been fine, had she not said something that had him give her one of those rare smiles, the ones he used to give me in private. 

Nausea roiled in my stomach, maybe it was all the tequila or maybe it was seeing him smile at someone else when all I wanted was for him to smile at me. 

She leaned into him, a coy smile played her lips, running her fingers down the shirt I bought him, which basically made it mine. And I hated when people touched my things.

The mix of tequila and coke emboldened me. I found my feet moving in their direction before I could stop myself. 

“I wouldn't waste your time.” I could not get myself to stop talking.

“Why’s that?” The blonde’s eyes narrowed, her cheaply manicured hand resting on JJ’s bicep.

“JJ doesn’t go for kooks or so I’ve been told.” 

“Maybe he just didn’t go for you.” Oh, how cute. 

“Oh honey,” I sighed dramatically and took one step towards her, tilting my head to the side, dragging my eyes up her body, in obvious distaste. “Are you new here?”

“Well, yeah but-“ She tried to explain. 

Clearly, she needed a run through on how the social ladder worked here. I was at the top and everyone else was at the bottom. 

“Your mom works for some brand from Paris right?” I watched as her eyebrows pulled together in confusion. 

“She does. We moved here because she’s doing a collab with-“

“With my mom.” 

“So I suggest you take your hand off of him,” I smiled on cue, my tone dipped in sugar before batting my eyelashes at her innocently,” Unless you want her blacklisted?” 

I could see her debating what to do. She didn’t know if I was bluffing but she'd learn rather quickly just how far I was willing to go. 

“Hmm, cute shoes.” I hummed, “Chanel?” 

She nodded, apprehension on her face. 

“Won’t be able to buy those anymore if your mom doesn’t have a job.” 

Her hand fell and satisfaction settled into my like molten lava. “You can go now.” 

The blonde pursed her lips and stalked off, leaving me alone with JJ. “Trying a new type”

“And what type would that be?”

“Desperate.”

JJ tipped his mouth, saluting me before taking a sip of his drink. His eyes already glazed over from the joint in his hand. 

“A thank you would be nice?” I muttered, taking another pull from my tequila. I couldn’t talk to him sober or I’d lose my nerve.

“A thank you?” He appeared almost amused, adjusting his red hat. 

“Yeah, I just saved you.”

“I didn't realize I needed saving.” 

“Self-preservation was never really your strong suit was it?” 

JJ laughed, his eyes straying to the bottle cradled in my arms. “I could say the same thing, Princess.” 

Fuck him for calling me that. So what, I’ve learned to indulge just a little. It made everything in my life a little more manageable. 

“It’s called having fun, JJ.” Pouting as he snatched the bottle from arms just as I went to take another shot. “Since when did you become the responsible one?”

JJ leveled me with an unamused stare. 

I huffed, blowing a stray strand of hair out of my face. “Tough crowd.”

JJ snorted, pushing the leaves of a nearby plant back before dumping the remaining tequila. My mouth dropped open as he wasted every last drop of my liquid courage. 

How the hell was I going to talk to him now? 

I pursed my lips, “That was mean.”

“I’m doing what your boyfriend should have done an hour ago.” His gaze fixed on my face, the intense stare causing my cheeks to turn red. God, would he stop staring at me?

“He doesn’t tell me what to do.”

“Then he shouldn’t have left you alone.” His tone laced with annoyance, “You have all these fuckers staring at you and you’re wasted.”

I tilted my head back to stare up at him, the annoyance I knew came from a place of panic. That was just how JJ was wired. 

“So you’re in love with me?” Someone come arrest me, because I cannot keep my mouth closed.

JJ shook his head clearly fighting back a smile. “You’re so crazy.” 

“What else could that mean?” I asked truthfully and I knew I had a love struck smile on my face. One that I’ve only given to one man in my life and he stood in front of me.

I just wanted to be near him. I wanted to hear his laugh and see him smile.

His face softened at my words. “Are you okay? Does he take care of you?”

“Of course, I’m okay. Why do you ask?”

“Only one of us is fucking loaded.” 

I rolled my eyes and plucked the joint from his fingers. “Correct me if I’m wrong, and we both know I rarely am, are you not high too?” 

“Not from cocaine.”

“Already back to judging so soon?” I mused, taking a hit off the joint, the familiar stinging sensation wrapped around my lungs and squeezed. “Careful, I might think you care.”

Kill me now. Thank god, he took away the tequila.

“Who said I ever stopped?” My heart lurched in my throat.

I blew the smoke out slowly, my fogged up brain rushing to keep up with his words. 

Someone stumbled in front of me, slamming into my shoulder sending me flying forward into JJ’s arms. Something cold and wet splattered onto me, the bitter liquid dripping down my legs.

“Are you blind?” I shouted, shoving another drunk party goer off me. Looked like a tourist. 

She held her hands up in apology.

“I’m so sorry. Here, let me help.” To my absolute horror, this fucking tourist used a napkin and went to scrub the stain. Are these people animals? This was custom versace.

“Stop!” My cheeks flushed, from the weed or from my constant streak of bad luck. “Clearly, you’ve never owned anything worth keeping but this is Versace, you dick.”

I needed to go home before I burned this entire house down. 

“Is that how you talk to people now?”

I let out a loud groan. “Oh fuck off, JJ.”

I shoved him away from me, before grabbing the skirt of my dress and heading into the nearest bathroom, which just so happened to be Rafe’s. 

In reality, I just needed to get away from him. I needed my hands to be busy so that I couldn't grab his face and kiss him. Because I really wanted to do that. 

The sound of footsteps have my eyes widening in panic as I take in my ruined dress. All because of that blonde asshole next to me, if he hadn’t showed up, I’d still have my tequila and my sanity.

“I wanted to talk.”

I made a noise at the back of my throat. That didn’t sound like JJ at all.

“Fine, whatever. Close the door.” I didn’t need a million other people to see me lose my shit. I was already at my quota for the day. 

Jj stared at me with a confused look. “Close the door.” I nearly shout as the footsteps get closer but he moves just as quickly and slammed it shut, putting the lock in place.

“I just got this piece too.” I grumbled, huffing at the stained skirt. It was the Medusa 95’ Cut Out Mini dress in a stunning pastel pink. And now ruined with a beer stain from that horrible girl outside. 

“I remember this one.” JJ spoke from behind me. Of course he did. He remembered everything I bought. 

He always demanded fashion shows after all my shopping trips. He knew nothing about clothes but he always paid attention to me. He used to sit for hours while I prattled on and on about clothes.

“Unzip me?” 

“I’m sorry?” He choked out, setting his beer down.

“I need to clean it before it stains. Unzip me.” 

In hindsight, I was goading him. I wanted to see what he would do. I could tell he was already on edge since seeing me with Rafe. I wondered what a little push would do.

Neither of us moved for a beat. JJ puffed out a breath from his cheeks before he walked toward me slowly. I remained stock still, watching his every move in the mirror.  “It’s not like you haven’t seen it all before.” 

My heart fluttered at his nearness. Something I wanted since the minute he turned around and left. Home, I wanted my home back.

I jumped up at the feel of his warm breath against the back of my neck, goosebumps rising instantly. The tug of the zipper had me swallowing the lump in my throat. His other finger caressing every inch of skin, the zipper surrendered. 

The sound of the zipper stopped but he never dropped his hand. Instead, I watched as JJ swallowed before lifting his head, those storming blue eyes connecting with mine in the mirror. 

I stood on my Magda Butrym Appliquéd satin sandals and a flimsy pair of tiny panties. 

“I feel like this is a test.” I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.

“Is it?” I mused, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. 

“Yeah and I’m failing.” 

The pads of his thumb brushed along my bottom lip, dragging it down slowly. My lips parted as a soft whimper escaped. 

“You’re still so beautiful, it hurts.” He murmured, almost angry with the revelation. 

Blistering hot satisfaction dripped over me. 

JJ’s other hand grazed my bare back, the contact immediately chasing my back to arch. Sparks of sensitivity erupted from my skin as my body trembled with hot desire. 

His hand moved higher, gripping onto my hair before wrapping the long strands around his hand, tugging my head back, demanding my attention. 

He stared at me with heavy lids, eyes like ocean blue blades. My body began to heat up. 

JJ’s eyes dropped back to my lips causing me to the lick them quickly. He backed me up against the Jack and Jill sink, my back resting against the cool granite counter. 

I blinked slowly, making the decision for him, angling my head up and smashing my lips to his. 

A groan ripped from his chest as he met my kiss with the same crippling desperation. His rough hands dropped from my face to my hips, his nails digging crescent shaped marks in the skin. 

My legs began to slightly shake as his tongue finally brushed against mine. Oxygen was something neither of us needed as we fed off each other's energy. 

His tongue licked and twirled around my own, another moan vibrating between us. JJ’s large hand trailed up skin, goosebumps appearing in its wake, before locking around my throat. 

His grip was strong, not enough to cut off my oxygen but enough to garner my attention. He pulled me up to my tippy toes by my neck, my nipples brushing against the rough fabric of his shirt making me gasp at the contact. His mouth clashed with mine once more, his lips wrapped around my tongue, sucking gently before pulling back and biting out a curse. 

My hands were desperate as they began to unbutton his shirt quickly, pushing the fabric off his shoulders. JJ whipped off the shirt just as my hands began reaching for his shorts, my fingers fumbling with the button. 

The laugh he let out was devastating. His smile was purely lethal for my heart. “We got all the time in the world, princess.” 

My stomach clenched at the nickname he gave me all those years ago. But, we didn’t. We both knew this moment would end the minute we came to our senses. 

JJ unbuttoned his pants and dropped them in one smooth movement before pressing his warm body against mine once more.

“Up, baby.” My arms wrapped around his neck immediately, my nose grazing his. JJ gripped my thighs tight as he placed me on top of the counter. 

He rested the palm of his hands on either side of me, enclosing my frame, daring me to move. JJ leaned down, his lips leaving phantom kisses along my collarbone, nipping as he went along. He stopped at the swell of my breasts, both hands encasing my heavy aching breasts before pressing them together. 

He pressed scorching hot, open-mouthed kisses on every inch of exposed skin. His tongue pressing against my swollen nipples before closing around one and giving a strong suck. I was a mess beneath him, my chest heaving with heavy pants. 

He nipped and tugged at the soft flesh of my breasts, leaving small purple love bites scattered on my chest. He pressed a kiss on each one, a pleased hum echoing within the bathroom. 

JJ dropped to his knees slowly, each hand running down my bare legs. I wanted to see him. 

I leaned back on the palm of my hands and arched my back in a teasing invitation. Pulling my legs from his grasp, I propped my feet up on the counter, but kept my knees bent, the tops touching.

The utter obsession that painted his face had me biting down on my lip hard enough to draw blood. “Please, Jayj.”

He stood stock still, similar to a statue. It looked like he almost stopped breathing as I slowly pushed my knees apart. I was drenched, I could feel myself soaking the skimpy fabric of my thong, my thighs glistening with the evidence of my arousal. 

JJ’s eyes went black, locking in on my wet pussy before jumping back up to me. His hands found my thighs and roughly dug into the skin to keep my legs from closing. 

He leaned forward, his index finger hooking the front of my thong before curling the fabric and tugging it up roughly between my lips. “Fuck.” I mewled, watching as he pressed his face between my legs and inhaled deeply. 

I could feel my clit throbbing, needing to be touched. With one more tug, JJ slaps the side of my thigh, having me lift my hips up to take the last piece of fabric off my body. An insatiable grin formed on his face that went straight to my clit.

The first touch onto my lips had my hips shooting off the counter, his touch like electricity. He blew a breath against the aching skin, his hot mouth watering at the sight of me. Two fingers pushed apart my drenched folds, rubbing against the sensitive skin again and again, turning me into a mindless puddle. 

He smirked at my trembling legs. “You okay, baby?”

“Fuck off.” I responded through gritted teeth, trying to gather myself. 

He dipped forward, gathering saliva before slowly spitting it out, the stream of spit pattering against my spread lips. The sound was obscene. 

“That’s not very nice.” 

Tears of frustration began to build up as I discarded my hands into those loose blonde strands, knocking his hat off. “You love it.”

The grin he sent me was feral and I knew this was exactly what I needed. “I sure do, princess.”

He enclosed his mouth against my swollen clit and sucked roughly, a loud shout erupting from the depths of my chest. JJ parted my lips again, forcing his tongue inside and out, again and again, devouring every inch of my pussy. 

My cunt clenched against his tongue making him moan loudly. My body was burning as he swirled his tongue along the bundle of nerves once more. Another cry left me as I tried to find something to grab onto. His tongue lapped up all the fluids that continued to come out and I found myself forgetting how to breathe. 

I pushed his face deeper, grinding against his nose that continuously rubbed against my clit, my fingers tugging at his hair, needing a release. The knot in my lower stomach began to tighten as I whispered his name again and again like a prayer. The sound of my breathy pleas spur him on as he slipped two fingers in my pussy, meeting no resistance. 

The squelching noises had me throwing my head back against the mirror which had begun to fog up. I clenched around his large fingers that rubbed against my sensitive walls wanting him to lose control. 

JJ curled his fingers upward causing my knees to buckle and my mind go blank. I was close and he knew based on the tremors the shook my legs. I could barely hold myself up as everything went fuzzy. 

A choked moan escaped my lips that curled into a ‘o’ as his mouth sucked that rigid spot of flesh while his fingers continued to hammer into me. The invisible band snapped and as a wave of pleasure washed over me. My body finally began to relax as I tried to catch my breath, my chest rising and falling dramatically. 

I spared a glance at him. JJ’s eyes were low, eyes pitch black and glued to my face, and his cheeks flushed red. He looked pussy drunk. 

“Looks like I have to clean you up.” He mumbled against the flesh of my thighs. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as his hot tongue began to catch all the arousal that dripped down my thighs. I was sensitive and tried to move back, but his hands locked around my thighs to keep them open. Shives forced their way up my spine as he lapped all my fluids up, humming as he went along, not leaving one bit of skin untouched. JJ pressed one last kiss before pulling back and licking his lips.

My heart hammered through my chest and vaguely though my haze of pleasure did I hear a murmur.

“Huh?” I felt him smile against my thigh, clearly finding my delirious state funny.

“Barry, man, have you seen her?” Rafe’s voice drifted under the door. 

I froze at the sound of his voice, my eyes darting to JJ who just smirked from his spot between my legs. 

“She’s right here, man.” JJ whispered, straightening up to press a kiss on the crown of my head. I shook my head at him, my eyes wide with a silent plea, but JJ disregarded it. 

 “She’s a little busy at the moment.” 

I shook my head, pressing my palm against his mouth, his next words coming out muffled. He never knew when to shut up. The last thing I needed was Rafe finding us in his bathroom.

I kept my hand on JJ’s mouth until footsteps faded and we were alone once again. 

JJ nipped at the palm of my hands, his tongue slipping out. My face screwed up as I let out a squeal, “Ew, Jayj.” 

“Shouldn’t have tried to shut me up to protect your boyfriend’s feelings.” He said the words lightly, but I could hear the slight edge in his tone. 

Pushing him off my softly, I hopped off the counter with shaky legs. “Since when do you care about Rafe’s feelings?”

I winced as I tried to take a step, my knees nearly knocking together from the aftershock. JJ always left me a shaking disheveled mess afterwards, but I felt lighter, because he was looking at me the way he used to. 

And, I wanted that to last just a bit longer. 

“I don’t care about his feelings-“ He scoffed, before pausing at the teasing smile on my lips. “You’re fucking with me.”

“Too easy.” I let out a shriek of laughter as JJ's arms wrapped around my waist, lifting me up in the air.

That was how I found myself sweaty, pressed against Rafe’s sheets, struggling to breathe. The violent sound of skin slapping echoing in the room, my raspy moans intertwining with his hot pants. 

One of JJ’s hands gripped the back of my head, pinning me to the mattress, the other pushing down on my back, forming a deep arch, to pull his cock in deeper. 

I couldn’t register anything he was muttering as he bottomed out since of me, my mind go blank. My walls spasmed against him with each rut of his hip, sucking him back in every time he pulled back. 

I was soaked, my pussy dripping around him. The sopping wet noises spurring him on, his pace quickening with those deep purposeful strokes. 

I couldn’t focus on anything but him. The smell; the feel of him. The way his cock continued to brush against my cervix made me borderline delicious. 

“Fuck,” JJ shuddered, rolling his hips in and out of my pussy had me clamping around him once more, a tidal wave beginning to build up inside me. 

 I whimper left me, the coil in my stomach pulling tight as I searched for a release. The tip of his cock pressed into me repeatedly, forcing my legs to shake once more. 

My hands searched for something to hold onto as I tried to anchor myself from being drowned in pleasure. “J. J, I-I cant-I’m gonna-“

I felt his pace begin to pick him, his cock twitching inside me as he continued his movements, grinding his hips against the globes of my ass, until there was no space between us. 

It was like he was imprinting himself into my skin. Like he didn’t want me to forget him. 

As if I could ever forget JJ Maybank. 

My whines got louder, his words becoming more and more depraved. His large calloused hands ran all over my body like he was etching it to memory. 

Quick and quiet gasps bled from my parted lips, as he hammered into me from behind, his hands lacing with mine against the sheets. 

The coil in my stomach snapped, white flash blinding my vision, this orgasim more intense than the first. I could feel myself coating his hips and upper thighs, fluids dripping on the sheets. 

I could hear JJ’s voice whine, he began to babble nonsense under his breath, with each languid thrust. 

My heartbeat was in my ears as I pushed my hips back to match his thrusts, wanting him to finish despite all my sensitivity coming to head. His nails dug my hips, my cunt suffocating as he continued to grunt his cock into me. 

“Fuck, Kiara.” His grunt echoed in the room.

Kiara? 

I went numb. I couldn’t breathe-I couldn’t, I needed-

Bile coated my throat as whatever childish hope I had shriveled up in my chest. So I laid there, not knowing what to do, as JJ continued to pump in and out of me, but the soft intimacy we shared before dissipated. 

Why did no one ever pick me? Why didn’t anyone want me? 

I let my body go limp even though everything in me wanted to shove him off, but I just couldn’t get myself to move.

That was all it took for JJ to realize the slip of his tongue. JJ froze behind me as I shoved my face into my arms and choked on a gut wrenching sob. 

“Fuck, I-hold on,” JJ’s panick was audible as he slowly pulled out of me. I cupped my mouth to try and muffle the scream I wanted to let out. 

His blue eyes widened in horror at his mistake but it was too late. The words were already burned into my mind, replaying on a torturous loop.

JJ’s hand reached out for me, but I shrank back, scrambling to the headboard, desperate to put distance between us. 

I curled into myself, pressing my back hard against the headboard, willing for myself to disappear. 

“What did you just call me?” My chin wobbled. I tried to remind myself to breathe but with each inhale, my lungs were saturated with pain. 

“I-That was an accident.” He stuttered, raking his hands through his hair roughly.

“Get out.” 

“It just slipped out, I didn’t mean it.” 

“Get the hell out, JJ.” I yelled, and pointed at the door with a shaky finger. 

Like I said, his words never dented me, no they completely destroyed me. They cut me like a freshly honed razor blade.

And I was going to die of blood loss if I didn’t get him to leave this room. He had no problem leaving me then, why was he fighting it now?

Was he thinking about her the whole time he was inside me? 

Thought after thought haunted me. Was he comparing our bodies? Was he comparing the sex? 

Mortification had my stomach churning as I debated what to do next. My body was wound tight, on the verge of hyperventilating. 

Did he love her? Did he love her like he used to love me? Did he fuck her the way he fucked me?

I hated him. Before him, none of these thoughts would have crossed my mind. I may have been alone but at least I liked who I was. I never would have questioned myself the way I am now. But after him, the only thing I hated more than him was myself.

“Was Kiara not available,” I murmured, “so you came to the one person you knew would say yes?”

JJ didn’t find my joke funny. The air was tense, as if we were trapped in a steamed up bathroom, making each breath harder than the last.

“Kie and I aren’t together.”

“JJ, you know where the door is. Use it.” 

“I don’t want to leave.” He shook his head, his eyes flickering with something heavy. 

“You had no problem doing it before.”

“That was-“ JJ squeezed his eyes shut, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

He shuffled closer to my body, but still wasn't touching me. I nibbled on my bottom lip and wiped the remaining tears from my cheeks hastily. 

“I’m sorry.” He said, clearing his throat. “I am so so sorry.”

I lost my grip completely as those eyes perverted mine. His eyes were so blue, it was easy to get lost in them. 

Words couldn’t find their way out of my mouth. With wary eyes, I watched as he stood up and disappeared in the bathroom before appearing again with his shirt. 

JJ reached for me before pausing, his eyes asking a silent question. I nodded, forcing myself to loosen the grip I had on the sheets. 

I let him put the shirt on me, its protection better than the flimsy sheet. JJ dropped his head on my chest, his tan arms wrapped around my waist, curling himself into me. 

“I’m sorry.” 

I was sorry too. I waited for months for him to be back in my arms, but he ruined every independent thought I had. I couldn’t stop the overthinking. I couldn’t stop the pain.

I was hurting too, but I was the one comforting him. I was always the one comforting him. What about me?

I laid on the soft sheets and stared up at the ceiling. Our heavy breathing echoing in an otherwise silent room. His heavy arm tossed over naked torso, his fingers softly tracing the curve. The whisper of his breath caressing the nape of my neck where his face was buried. The familiar tickle of his golden strands brushing against my nose, his coconut shampoo wafting my senses.

The JJ induced haze began to clear up and the ugliness began to set in. 

A single tear escaped my eye, its trailing burning it’s way down the side of my face. I loved him. Even after he willingly abandoned me. After he humiliated me in front of everyone. After he called me her name.

I couldn’t cut him out. It didn’t matter what he did to me, the minute we’re within the same vicinity, my self preservation disappeared. Then I was left, treading water in the middle of a storm, with nothing but a life jacket. 

I had no one to blame but myself in this situation. I knew how he spoke to me, how easily he left me, how embarrassed he was of me. But he just smiled and it was like everything melted away. 

I so badly wanted to feel again, but not like this.

So all I can do is lay here. In this bed. With a boy who made me hate the kind person that I was. 

I made my bed. I didn’t realize this was how I’d feel when I lied in it. I turned into someone I hated. And suddenly I was bone-tired, exhaustion suffocating my lungs. I had no idea who I was and I was tired of being someone I wasn’t. 

“Where are my clothes?” I said. God, I needed to leave this room before Rafe found me. 

“I wasn’t really focused on that part, babe.” JJ mumbled, burrowing himself deeper into my side. 

My stomach lurched. I thought I’d feel different. I thought that maybe this would fix everything. That in some deluded way, we would get back together and everything else didn’t matter. Like he didn’t leave me standing at the party after stomping on my chest.

“I need them.” I mumbled. I choked down the need to throw up. The feel of our sweat coating my body and his soft breaths against my skin had me almost hyperventilating. 

Home, he used to be home. But, I’ve never felt like more of a stranger than in his arms right now. This was no longer my home. 

Kook pussy. Daddy issues.

I fucked up. Fuck, I fucked up. 

This only made me feel worse. I was good enough to fuck, but not enough to stay. 

“What are you in such a hurry for?” His fingers paused their persistent movement. 

“I have to get back-“

“To who?” JJ snapped. 

I moved to sit up, dragging the sheet with me as I avoided his gaze. “You know who.”

He didn’t need to know that Rafe and I basically ended. I just wanted him to hurt in the same way I did.

He let out a scoff. “You can’t be serious?” 

“Dead serious.” 

“This isn’t like you-“

“You left. You don’t know who I am anymore.” 

“Clearly,” he chuckled under his breath, “But suddenly Rafe does?”

I shrugged. “He’s my friend.”

“I don’t give a fuck who he is-“

I tuned him out. I was too busy trying to get his actual voice out of my head. 

Kiara. Not me. Kiara. Not me. 

It had taken every bit of strength to not chase after him that day. To not call and text, begging for him to give me the time of day. And I know, I know I should be stronger. I know I should have said good riddance and moved on, but love was never simple. 

When I saw him tonight, I thought that maybe it was fate. So all the waiting, all the practice of self control paid off because he came back. But, was this what was waiting for me?

“You slept with me,” I said, “ but you’re thinking about her?”

I didn’t want to know the answer, but I had to ask it. It was just one of a million questions I had since the day he walked away. Was there something I could have done differently?

I was wracking my brain to see where I had gone wrong, but maybe I just fell in love with the wrong person.

“From what I hear, you don’t care about anything these days. Why would you care about this?” I couldn’t detect any emotion in his words, just cold hard facts. 

I really was out here exceeding everyone’s expectations of me. 

But, he had to know that when it came to him, I always cared too much. That’s why his words caused another jagged piece of my heart to puncture my chest.

“Why would I care?” I whispered, shaking my head at him. “Are you listening to yourself?” 

Had I deluded myself so much into thinking we experienced the same love in our relationship? How could he even question that. Everything I did was always for him.

“I care about you, that never changed.”

Something pained flickered through his gaze. “Care about me? Yet your fucking Rafe Cameron.” 

“You’re mad about that?” I choked on a humorless laugh,”Let me jog your memory real quick since apparently you’ve got amnesia, you were the one that told me to be with him.” 

“Well, I didn’t think you’d actually do that to me.”

I threw my arms up in the air, exasperated,”Then why say it at all? Wait, I forgot who I’m talking to. You’re the king of saying shit you don’t mean.” 

“Saying shit and actually doing it are two different things.”

“Well, you did do it Jayj.” My lungs hitched. 

His jaw tightened, tension seeping out of him in waves. 

“You left. You did the one thing you promised you’d never do. You didn’t even look back as you did it.” I shouted, tears blurring my vision as my body continued to shake from adrenaline. “All because what? Rafe hurt your feelings? Because I have more money than you?”

I wanted to understand him. I thought I did once, but the more I thought about our breakup the more I saw it had nothing to do with me. And everything to do with him.

“Do me a favor and grow up. This is the real world. You’d swap places with any one of us in a second if you could.” 

JJ narrowed his eyes. “I don’t want any part of your world. I thought I made that clear.”

“I’m aware. But I was there, remember? For every bonfire, for every boat ride with you and your friends. What was it you guys said again?” It rushed out of me, “to going full kook?”

He watched me stoically, his fingers tugging at his bracelets. 

“I guess you’re the only one that can have the money in the relationship?” I raised my eyebrow at him, waiting for him to respond. 

The beautiful blonde boy that seeped into my bloodstream and made me love him. But, ruined us in the process. He destroyed everything he touched. 

He pressed the heel of his palms against his eyes, 

“What happened?”

“You want to know what happened? You fucking happened.”

That familiar anger flared in his eyes and I knew exactly what he was going to do. What he always did to me, but this time, I wasn’t going to let him erase me. Not again.

“Let’s talk about who you turned into?” JJ spat vehemently. “What? Rafe buys you a nice purse and you’re suddenly snorting lines of coke?” 

“It was actually a couple purses.” 

JJ shot daggers at me. “So what? You’re proud of that?” No, I only wanted someone to care about me if I died.

“I’m only doing what you told me, I’m sorry you don’t like the person you turned me into.”

I didn’t like her much either. But, JJ never gave me more and I realized he would never give me more, no matter how much I pushed. No matter how hard I tried to get him to see that I was the one he should be with. 

It pained me that it took all of this for me to realize that there were parts of JJ he would never let anyone have. 

“Why are you still here?” I said quietly. “I’m not going to let you sit here and make me feel like shit for how I chose to cope with what you broke.” 

I was done giving the men in my life power over me. I needed to stand on my own two feet even if that meant I had to do it alone. 

“Feel like shit?” JJ nodded his head with mock outrage,” Princess, you just let me fuck you in your boyfriend’s bed. I think you feel like shit already.” 

He was right, but I still recoiled back at the venom he spat at me. I sagged with exhaustion. He was just lashing out the way he always did.

“I didn’t know, JJ.” My voice cracked. “I-I didn’t know. I just did what I thought I was supposed to do.”

JJ’s head snapped up at the waver in my voice. His ocean eyes showed a clear battle, one I knew he’d lose. “S-Sometimes it just felt like I wasn’t good enough.”

His confession broke me. I knew the thoughts that ravaged his brain only because those same thoughts now drown in mine.  

My fingers twisted the hem of the shirt that my body was swimming in, a nervous tic I never got rid of. “But I never said that to you, you listened to everyone but me. You were more than enough.”

A tortured look passed his face, like the obvious miscommunication had disrupted everything. “I thought I was being paraded around to prove a point.”

I roughly wiped the tears that kept falling, “It’s okay to not want to struggle for everything in your life, JJ. You were exhausted and I just wanted to help you.”

“I didn’t know. I-just didn’t know.” I continued to repeat.  And I didn't. I had no experience with love. I wanted him to have the world since he was born with less than most people I knew, yet he deserved so much more.

“You let your friends help you, I don’t understand how I was any different.”

His blonde hair was sticking up in multiple directions, a clear sign of his obvious distress. "Because they’re my family."

Irremediable sorrow burrowed in my chest. "But, I was your family too."

I felt layers of grief his me in waves, quick and hard, one after the other as I came to terms with the fact that JJ never considered me any part of his family.

"You were the only family I ever had. I thought I was your family.” I sniffled, my ribs began to ache from the constant crying. 

A loud crack had me jump back as Rafe bursted into the room, chest heaving from exertion. He paused, his eyes locking in on the messed up sheets before dragging over to me and scanning my disheveled appearance. 

I thought we hit a milestone. JJ finally started talking and letting me know exactly what was going on in that brain of his. And maybe, that would be enough for me, for now. This all happened because JJ didn’t know how to communicate and I knew that wasn’t his fault, but at one point he needed to grow up. 

I was willing to hold his hand while he did it. But I watched as JJ’s eyes clocked the necklace Rafe wore with my initials. His gaze narrowed at the purse in his hand and my car keys in the other. 

The jealousy was evident in the way he rolled his shoulders back, his face granite. “Cute necklace.”

Rafe smirked, tilting his head to the side. “Thanks. It looks even better swinging in her face.”

JJ’s cool demeanor dropped, his blue eyes darkened into a brewing storm. “Enjoy my seconds, bro.” He clapped Rafe on the chest. 

My heart popped in my chest at his words, another bandage would do little to fix the shards that once resembled a heart. And, I knew then, that JJ confirmed the conclusion I just came to myself. 

“JJ?”

“What?”

“You were right. I do deserve better than you.” 

Loving him cost me something much greater: myself. 

I couldn’t continue to hide myself in any man that told me pretty words. I was no longer my own person, just a mere extension of them. One that they treated poorly and only took out when they were bored. I was always willing to do what they would never do for me.

I was just a girl, in love with an extraordinary boy who couldn’t see past all the things he was not.

I walked over to where Rafe was, forcing myself to remember his cruel words also. It was the only way I could get myself to walk out of here. My eyes lingered on the necklace for a second before I pulled my keys from his grasp and grabbed my purse. 

I wore nothing but JJ’s shirt, but at the moment I couldn’t care less. I left my clothes in Rafe’s bathroom, deciding it was better to leave them then spend another second in either of their soul sucking presence. I could always buy another dress. 

I couldn’t buy another me. Not if I kept letting these boys break me. 

This time, I was the one that never looked back.

Side note: I WROTE THIS THREE TIMES so pls pls pls be nice to me. I tried to incorporate a lot of people's ideas. I know the OC is very wishy washy but she's so real for that.

TAG LIST: @maybankslover @theficshop @cantbecreative @plk-18

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[plutoswritingplanet]

It's A Special Death You Saved (Feyd Rautha x Female!Reader) pt.3

a/n: so i lied about this being the last chapter, there's one more, i know im sorry....... also shout out to my friends, who were unbelievably helpful with the smut part because oh, there's smut here

Warnings: Explicit Sexual Content (yuuuh yuuuuuuh), Alcohol, like....a tiny bit of Humiliation.

Summary: The month-long courting comes to an end with a bang! As your engagement party commences, wine flows and darker feelings rise to the surface

Pt. 1, Pt.2 Pt.4 (finale)

In the darkness of the night, he still comes to you in your dreams, knife in hand, body taunt and ready to strike. Every single morning, you awake with a gasp, as visions of your tormentor plague you. In some, he slits your throat, reveling in the way red cascades down your nightgown. Other times, it's a quick and brutal stabbing, your insides twisting as you wake. 

But then, there are those rare nights where you rise from your bed, sweat clinging to your skin, as you fight with the pressure in your stomach, try to rid yourself of the images, before making yourself presentable for breakfast. 

Those dreams, nightmares, are the worst. 

White, elegant fingers, grabbing, pulling, pinching every surface of your exposed skin. Defined arms around you, squeezing your pliant body in an embrace that is as tender and romantic, as a snake suffocating its victim. Deceivingly soft lips, mapping a trail down your front, pulling back to reveal teeth, which make that same trail visible, hurting.

In those dreams, he paints you with black. Taints you, until you're molded into his perverse image, until there's no telling where he ends, and you begin. He makes you into a sculpture, in a way that an artist cuts away pieces of clay, slowly robbing you of all agency, until there's only what he wants to see. And you let him, with a trembling smile on your lips, hands twisted into the stained sheets of your bed. 

Ignoring him has become an art form as well.

Since your faithful tangle at the training barracks, you did everything in your power, to never appear in the same room as him, or at least, never alone. You became a shadow in your own home, a whisper of the person you used to be. Shame is a powerful thing, and you wore it like a wedding veil over your face. Paul would always help you, silently. Never asking outright what had happened between you and the Harkonnen, but somehow always knowing. Your brother, your salvation, breaks your heart everytime he grabs your hand, and leads you away from the predator in the room.

The date of your engagement party has been set a week into the future. The nervous bustling of the court only heightening your already wracked thoughts, as the inevitability of your situation begins to haul you to the ground. 

Your Mother took most of the preparations on her back, directing the servants, the kitchen, the musicians. She picked out a dress for you, some flowing abomination, which hung in your closet, reminding you every morning, that you will have to wear it with a smile. You hoped, there will be wine at the feast, hope that it will be sweet enough to dull your insides. 

As the date of the feast comes closer and closer, you begin to spend more time outside. 

The air is crisp and smells of seawater, and you can't help but inhale fully, every time. You want it seared into your brain, so whenever you're taken away from your home, you can run back to this memory, to the feel of grass under your fingers. 

- You'll catch a cold, if you keep sitting here.

Paul's voice brings you back from your dark thoughts, and you look up, from your spot in the grass. He stands a couple paces back, hands folded behind his back in a manner, that is reminding you of your Father more and more every day. 

- Do you want to join me? - you ask, your lips quirking up into a small smile - Or would you prefer to stand there like a pillar of salt?

Your brother shakes his head, before coming closer and plopping down next to you, his skinny legs stretched out in front of him. The both of you sit in silence for a while, enjoying the breeze ruffling your hair, the smell of ocean and the waves crashing into the cliffs. There are seagulls flying over your heads, and you feel the moisture from the grass seep into your clothing. 

A wistful sigh escapes you, before you can stop it, and you let yourself fall, laying flat on the hill. 

Paul looks down at you, undescribable sadness swimming in his eyes, and an instinct of sister awakes in you, a need to comfort, despite being a wreck yourself. So, you offer him a smile, a tired one, but a smile nonetheless. 

- Do you think we could take the horses for a ride today? - your brother asks with naive hope, his eyes turning to the sea.

- Mother won't allow me to go, she wants me to spend my pondering the proper behavior during the feast - try as you might, you can't hide the bitterness in your voice - Besides, I could fall off and hurt the merchandising. 

Paul's hand finds yours, and he squeezes your fingers tightly. It's hard not to break, in moments like these. When you're forced to remember, you'll most likely never see your family again. 

- If I could do something, anything... - you recognize that feverish note in your brother's voice, it's devoid of reason, impulsive, too much like you.

- But you can't, so you won't.

A frustrated sound escapes his mouth, and he turns back to the sea. You watch him through half-lidded eyes, eyelashes falling heavily on your cheeks. He looks like a Duke, you conclude, and that thought feels strangely comforting. No matter where you'll be shipped off, no matter what life has in store for you in the future, somehow, you know your brother will persevere. 

- Do you remember that time Gurney made us train on the beach? - you ask, a sudden wave of nostalgia washing over you, as the clouds float in the sky above you - Cause of the... The balance. We had to try to balance in the sand.

Paul twists his head towards you, surprised at the turn of the conversation, before cracking a smile. 

- Yes, he slipped on the rocks, nearly broke his backbone - he starts to wave his hands around in a wonderful reenactment of your mentor's fall, before collapsing next to you in the grass.

Your laughter mingles with the sounds of the sea, as the both of you, the future of House Atriedes, share memories, scenes from the life you've lived together. The good and the bad. The horse races through plains and hills of Caladan, the many, many food fights. It's hard to tell, how much time you spend together, laying in the grass, but when you finally fall into silence, the air has become considerably more chilly. A sign, it's time to return to reality, to your duties. 

- You should've been me, and I you - Paul whispers suddenly, and you close your eyes in a pained expression. 

Perhaps it's true. Perhaps Lady Jessica made a mistake, and gave a Daughter where she should've given a Son. Now, it's no longer important. Your roles have been set in place, all you could do, is fulfill them. Somewhere back, in the direction of the Palace you can hear a voice calling your names. A reminder, that the world outside this grassy sanctuary exists, and can't wait any longer. 

You move to stand, Paul gathering himself up closely behind. Your clothes stick to your body, and you're shivering from the cold, but if you could spend just one more moment exactly like that, you would've taken that chance without question. 

An arm snakes around your elbow, and you lean onto your brother's shoulder, as you start to walk back, steps swaying like a pair of drunkards. Then, Paul tugs you closer, you can feel him tense suddenly, as he leans with a sullen expression on his pale face.

- I hate the way he looks at you - he confesses, waves upon waves of righteous Atriedes fury crashing in his voice.

You don't know how to respond to that, so you stay silent, giving his arm a reassuring tug.

That was the last conversation you've had with your brother.

*** While the House Atriedes is characterized by a rather mellow temper, there was one thing they took extremely seriously. And those, unfortunately for you, were engagement rituals. 

So, that's why you sit posed like a porcelain doll in a deep chair, next to your soon-to-be husband, at the foot of a long table, surrounded by music, and dancing, and food. There are ribbons hung from the high ceilings, and flickering lights float around them like little fireflies. You watch, as they dance above you, the ridiculous headdress placed on your hair digs into your skul. Color surrounds you, your own dress flowing like a waterfall, elegant, yet delicate. The pools of fabric gather around your legs, a chiffon monstrosity, that you know, is supposed to make you beautiful. 

And perhaps you would've felt beautiful, if this was any other occasion. A birthday feast, perhaps. Dare you say, and engagement party with someone you actually loved. 

Speaking of which, your betrothed sits beside you, sticking out like a sore thumb. He looks utterly bored, eyes following the celebrating masses, hand playing with a steak knife. Not enough blood for his tastes, you suppose. He's dressed in traditional Harkonnen attire, which you think, doesn't really look that much different from all the other outfits you've seen him in. Black, sleek, efficient. You must be a curious pair, a mass of colorful materials and a black-stone pillar. 

The wine, thankfully, is sweet. It warms your face, and turns your insides into a pleasant mush. You should've eaten more, but then again, it was a celebration of your imprisonment, and if you wanted to get drunk, you would. And you did get drunk. Quickly. 

The dress moves with you, as you slowly slide down the chair, one leg resting up on the seat. A frightfully unbecoming sight, but you can't find it in yourself to care. Another, clumsy drink from your cup, and you sigh deeply, blinking a couple of times to rid yourself of sudden dizziness. 

Your betrothed gives you a look, whether it's of warning or amusement, you're not sure. And you don't care. Your nose scrunches in the general direction of his smooth head, and you take another sip, just to spite him.

- Shut up - you grumble, a slurr entering your words.

- I haven't said a word - he counters, and this time you can see him smile.

- You're thinking, it's annoying.

Feyd Rautha has an unpleasant laugh. 

Sharp and low, and very rough around the edges. It's like listening to an old spaceship try to take off, and you're sure you don't want to hear him laugh ever again. That's it, your goal in this, frankly, fucked up marriage, will be to never make your husband laugh. Although, it's best not to think about it so loudly, he might be a hidden mind reader, and would most likely laugh in your face every day, just to torture you. 

God. You were going to regret every sip come tomorrow morning.

- You're wrapped like a present - Feyd Rautha leans down with a smirk playing on his full lips, and you have to crane your neck to look him straight in the face - Shall I unwrap you here, while your family watches?

Despite the light tone, you shiver under his gaze. Something in the way his body seems relaxed yet tense at the same time tells you, this shameless man would do it in a heartbeat, if you as much as inclined your head. 

- Gross - you groan, hand untangling itself from the amassing of chiffon to push back at his face.

It's the first time, you've touched him out of your own volition, and even in your drunken daze, you note the sudden glint in his eyes. Fingers grab at your wrist, keeping you in place, as he leans further into your touch, turning his head slightly. Wine mixes with sudden embarrassment, as his lips brush against the meat of your palm. Then, black teeth shine and your heart jumps to your throat, as he bites down on your skin, hard enough to make you jump. Tongue darts out, licking a stripe up your thumb, before giving your fingertip a tiny nibble.

You tear your hand away from him, pressing it into your chest with an appalled expression. There are indents just below your thumb in the shape of his teeth, and the confounding feelings you've been trying to stoke for almost a month now, come crashing down upon you.

He looks satisfied with himself, returning back to his seat, and his steak knife. The utensil reflects the flowing lights, and despite yourself you swallow thickly, turning back to your cup, which is quickly becoming empty.

God, it was getting incessantly hot in this cursed dining hall. 

Whether it was the wine, or the sudden wave of knee-bending arousal washing through you, you couldn't tell. (It was both, you were fully aware it was both) And you're uncomfortable, terribly so. You fidget in your seat, almost painfully aware of the heat, which has now spread further down. The fabric of the dress slides against your body, skin becoming far too sensitive, too hungry for touch. You try to relieve some of your torment, legs squeezing and rubbing together. Treacherous tongues of self-awareness rear its ugly heads, and you look up, and...

Of course he noticed. 

Feyd Rautha places his chin in his hand, and he observes you with a knowing look, which turns dark and terrifying as soon as your eyes meet.

- Careful, lest the court starts talking - he warns you, his voice somehow becoming deeper than before, and you take a shuddering breath.

Dagnerous, this is dangerous.

 You're seated far away from your family, from any consolation, and even if they were close enough to intervene, the masses of dancing people, the sound of their laughter... Your heart stops, a snake curling itself around your insides. Truly, if that beast of a man wanted to, he could make do of his threat from earlier, and take you where you sit. Haunted by that thought, both terrifying and arousing, you down the rest of your wine. 

It doesn't taste as good anymore. Hell, it threatens to come back up, until you force it to sit in your stomach. 

Duncan, you need to find Duncan, or you'll do something incredibly stupid. You'll do something incredibly stupid either way, but at least the regret will be less biting. So, pulling yourself up on trembling arms, you shuffle out of your chair, your betrothed's heated gaze following you on your way through the hall. 

People don't even look at you, too enraptured with free food and drinks, and the music, which flows loudly through the air. Good, in any other case, the Duke's Daughter, stumbling drunk through corridors, would certainly lift some eyebrows. Your feet carry you towards the training barracks, a familiar route you've followed many times. Indulging in sex with your Father's most trusted advisor was not the healthiest form of regulating emotions, but you needed something, and God knows, you'd rather die than get it from anyone else. From Him especially.

The choice is made for you, however, as a strong hand wraps itself around your arm, just above your elbow, yanking you backwards, behind a stone column. The world spins in front of your eyes, and for a second you worry the company of wine warming your insides is about to abandon you along with breakfast. 

- Do you truly thought, you could sneak away from me?

Finally, your eyes focus on Fey Rautha's face, almost demonic in the low light of the corridor. Shadows play on his expression, falling heavily over his eyes, and you try to wrench yourself from his grasp.

- What I do is none of your business - you slurr out, wringing your arm every which way, his fingers digging painfully into your flesh - Let go of me.

The Harkonnen presses himself closer to you, trapping your body between the stone and himself. His nose nearly crushes itself into the juncture between your neck and your shoulder, taking a disturbing long whiff. You can feel his chest vibrate against your own, as he groans deep within his throat. It sobers you up in record speed, and you start to thrash in his hold. He subdues your outburst, as if he was made for it, before dragging his nose up, towards your hair. You snarl like a wild animal.

- Let me go. 

His body moves on its own accord, tearing itself away from you in an instant, legs tripping over themselves, to put distance between your bodies. He looks up at you, muscles tense and an expression of shock painted across his pale face. 

The ability to use the Voice was something you rarely took part in. Training sessions with your Mother went well, as expected of a woman, but you still had a lot of work ahead of you. You blink forcefully, steadying yourself against the wall behind you. Then, you notice the borderline murderous look on your soon-to-be husband's face.

- Witch - he spits out, baring his blackened teeth at you.

- I am the Daughter of Duke Atriedes - your voice carries a note of righteous pride, despite dread climbing up your spine - And you will treat me with respect, wedded or not.

He straightens himself with petrifying speed, and as he takes a step towards you, actions overtake reflection. Your hand winds back, and you bring a resounding slap across his sharp cheekbone. While your palm blooms with pain, he seems to barely react, closing the distance between the two of you after a tense beat. Before you have a chance to react again, his hands grab at your face, and his lips crash against yours in a punishing kiss.

Teeth clink together and the momentum of the kiss makes your head collide with the stone pillar behind you. He's fingers dig into your cheeks and your jaw, as he devours you completely, bringing down all your defences in one swoop. You kiss him back, almost immediately, opening your mouth to let him in, to meet his tongue halfway. It's almost grotesque, how much you hate and love this at the same time, the buzzing of the wine mixing with the sound of your racing heart, with the sound of his unabashed sounds of pleasure. 

Hands flail at your sides, as you grab all you can take, pulling him even closer by the thick fabric of his tunic. 

His hands however, know exactly what they want, and as he lets go of your face, they both sink down. Fingers hook into the neckline of your dress, and he tears it down, your entire body swaying with the force of his movement. Your breasts are freed for only just a moment, cold air hitting them in a way that would be uncomfortable, if they weren't immediately covered by your betrothed's large palm. He palms at your chest, as if he wants to crush it, and you bite back a whine, which threatens to spill from your abused lips. 

- Don't - he growls a warning, unoccupied hand tangling itself within your hair - Sing.

And you do. As his mouth descends upon your neglected breast, where he alternates between licks and bites that make your back fly off the wall. Once again you don't know what to do with your hands, finding them entirely useless in the Harkonnen's overpowering grasp. One, grabs at his shoulder, undecided on whether to push him off, or pull him in closer. The other one scratches four lines into his skull, as he sucks on the sensitive skin under your ribs. 

Finally, he detaches from you completely, standing straight and regarding you with a look so intensely ravenous, it shakes you to your core. Your exposed chest rises and falls in tandem with your heaving breaths, and you shiver, as cold air hits your skin. His gaze drinks in your dissheveled hair, the way your lips are puffy and red. A beautiful sight for his blackened eyes. 

- I know who you went looking for - he starts, stalking towards you once again - Can't have that, can I?

You debate feigning confusion, outrage at such accusation, which hasn't really been uttered yet. But, as Feyd Rautha stops just short of the bottom hem of your dress, you suddenly find yourself unable to speak. Instead, as a last ditched effort to rid yourself of him, your hand extends, a half-hazard attempt at liberation. He swats it away, as one would a mere fly, before sinking to his knees in front of you. 

- Lift up your dress, Viper - his voice is like thunder in your ears, and you bite your lips at the sight of his eyes, dark and surprisingly eager.

Hands move clumsily in an effort to gather all those translucent layers. You nearly trip over yourself, earning a rather nasty chuckle from below. As soon, as your legs are visible, he dives between the chiffon, his head dissapearing from sight. You can feel his lips, traveling up the expanse of your calf, giving a light bite under your knee. 

Anticipation siezes your gut, and you grab onto the wall, as if that would save you. His hands grab your leg, skin incredibly warm to the touch for someone who looks so cold, and then, with forceful tugs, he starts to manouver you. 

You let out an unbecoming squeak, as he yanks your leg over his shoulder. Strong hands keep you in place, and he reaches out around the upper part of your thigh to all but tear your undergarments off of your core. The force of this action makes you jump in place on your one available leg, just to hold your balance, and for a second you consider swatting at him. 

That thought leaves you almost immediately after it appears, as an onslaugh of kitten licks unleashes downward. A vague, head like shape moves under your dress, the chiffon floating from place to place like a hypnotizing river. The wine must've heightened your senses to an alarming degree, because as soon as Feyd Rautha begins his ministrations, you're a mess. 

It's honestly humiliating, the way you fight for any purchase on the wall behind you, as he begins to lick in earnes, parting your legs further with one hand, while the other wraps securely around your used leg. While there, he cops a feel of your behind, fingers biting into the soft flesh, and you lock your lower lip between your teeth so hard, you can taste blood on your tongue.

As if he's developed some new telepathic talents, his hand leaves your ass, in favor of winding up, and slapping it harshly. The action makes your jump in place once again, a sound stuck between outrage and glee fleeing your throat, before you have the chance to stop it. Right, "sing", you remind yourself, and immediately feel him change his tactics. 

Your bundle of nerves opens new possibilities of torment, and as his lips close around the bud, you can't help the whine, escaping through your lips. The music is loud, you remind yourself. They won't hear, no one will hear. His hand pushes your dangling leg further up your shoulder, and your back arches from the stone. You will be sore as all hell after this is done, but for now, it doesn't matter. Nothing really matters, except the way your betrothed eats you out, like a man who's been starved for decades.

- Oh shit - you curse, hands flailing uselessly - Oh fuck!

All of a sudden, everything stops, and your building peak subsides into a dissatisfactory simmer. Feyd Rautha's head emerges from under the fabric, a terrible, shit-eating grin on his wet lips.

- Such language? - he teases, tongue darting out to lap at your arousal - So unbecoming of a-...

- Fucking don't stop! - there's panic in your movements, as you grab the back of his head, and shove him right under your dress again.

The laughter should be unsettling for you, but he returns to his post with twice as much motivation, and however more strength, and before you know it, your orgasm sneaks upon you. A sudden tightness in your core is all the warning you get, before the coil snaps, and your entire body starts to spasm in pleasure. 

It's good. Incredibly so. You'd risk saying it's the most intense you've ever came, but never out loud, never to him. That shameful secret was between you and whatever God that was listening. Stars erupt behind your eyelids, your breathing stopping for just a moment. 

And then you go deliciously limp, legs giving out completely. 

To his credit, the Harkonnen catches you before you hit the floor, the arm curling around your leg proving to be an unmeasurable support. His head emerges from under the dress once again, and he lets you slide down the wall, until you're seated. He sways on the balls of his feet, still towering you, even as he crouches. 

You swallow, throat slightly raw from all the noise you've done moments ago, and he follows the movements of your neck muscles with greedy eyes. Still greedy, after taking so much. Truly, he was a Harkonnen. And before you can stop yourself, a thought materializes in your brain, a treacherous little information, which would shake you to the core, if your muscles weren't currently made of taffy.

He blushes pink. Your betrothed blushes pink, from the exercise of making you cum on his tongue alone. God, what a precious sight.

He must've noticed the serene smile playing upon your lips, and his nature to ruin comes to light. His hand reaches back, and you freeze in your spot, as you recognize that damned golden steak knife. The blade shines in the dimly lit corridor, making your breathing faster, questions swimming behind your eyes. You don't really want to fight him in this state, but you fucking will, if he tries anything. 

- An engagement present, for you, Viper. - he rasps, licking his reddened lips in an obscene display, which doesn't repulse you quite as much as it should. 

- I have nothing to give in return - your voice is stern, and your betrothed flashes you an evil grin.

Then, he presents you the tip of the knife, golden utensil hanging between his slender fingers, and you look up at him, not understanding what is expected of you. Placing one knee on the floor, Feyd Rautha lowers himself to your eye level, for the hundredth of times surprising you with the sheer grace in his movements. 

- Kiss - he whispers, into the space between the both of you.

Your eyes fall to the knife, then, to him and you take a long, deep breath. Pride, your biggest flaw, takes a deadly hit, as the man twists the knife in his fingers, looking at you expectedly. You hate him, truly and deeply, and it must be showing on your face, because he sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth, as soon as your eyes meet. 

Swallowing your pride, you keep his gaze, leaning towards the blade. Your lips press delicately against the cool metal and the Harkonnen flashes you a nasty, self-satisfied smirk, before slipping the knife up his sleeve and standing up. 

- I'll see you back at the feast - he gives you a small bow, and you press your lips tightly together.

- Fuck you.

- After the wedding, my Viper.

And with that, he turns around.

 You're left there, on the floor, your dignity in shambles, the exertion catching up to you all at once, as if his presence alone was the only thing keeping you from feeling pain. A stupid thought, you chastize yourself, before slowly pulling yourself from the cold tiles. 

It takes you a couple of shameful minutes, trying to put yourself back together again. The ridiculous headdress, which has slipped all the way down from your hair, will probably never look the same, as when your Mother has styled it, but you can't find it in yourself to care. 

The music still plays, as you enter the hall, and thankfully, no one notices your arrival. No one but your betrothed, who raises his drinking cup in your direction, as if nothing had happened. His face is annoying, you conclude, and turn away, your aching legs taking you towards the center of the room, where people danced and sang in celebration of your engagement. What a lovely sight, what a lovely couple. Opposites attract, right?

Bitter, aching and humiliated, you throw yourself into the crowd, let it sway you from place to place, as you dance away this whole wretched week. The whole month-long courting rituals, which were just a bullshit attempt at torture. 

It's said, that when Death comes to take your soul, you're allowed one more dance before the eternal void. 

So you dance. 

#my writing #dune part 2 #dune x reader #feyd rautha harkonnen #feyd rautha smut #feyd rautha x reader #feyd rautha x you #tennis ball strikes again #i would also like to thank tiktok editing community for giving me material to daydream about #im seeing this movie again on thursday totally not because i want to write the most accurate smut in the next chapter

[loveemagicpeace]

🌌Issues that you have with North Node🌌

🍸Aries North Node- you have issue being aggressive, being you , being direct & express your true energy and being your true self. NN in Aries gives you the life challenge of exerting your personal will and developing the inner confidence and courage to act in your own self-interest. Your journey is all about showing courage and embracing individuality. And finding your true self.

☁️Taurus North Node- you have issue with your self esteem. It's hard for you to feel valuable from others. Maybe you can also struggle with money or making money. You can also struggle with food or music or may you don't want to share your music or things that are close to you with others because maybe you feel ashamed to. It’s also about making sure you don’t get anywhere in a rush. Taurus is all about enjoying the simple things in life.

🥑Gemini North Node- you have trouble with expressing yourself. Speaking in public or expose yourself with saying some things that are on your mind. You also can be afraid of saying things and being wrong about it. You also struggle with your relatives & siblings. You feel that nobody really understands you or hear you. Maybe you feel that you are not good enough in school or that you're not smart enough. Your purpose is to hone your communication and social skills to become a leader in your community.

🛁Cancer North Node- you can struggle with home or family. You can also feel that everywhere you go it feels unfamiliar & maybe even at your home you can feel like you are some stranger or you are not feel safe enough there. The thing with NN in Cancer is that you actually look for a place to be safe and you look for people who will give you the comfort, nurturing and caring. People who will be there for you always and will never leave you. With cancer you can also have abandoned issues. The life's mission of those with the north node in Cancer is to become a warm and nurturing soul. A Cancer north node individual's purpose in life is to make and enjoy heartfelt connections.

✨Leo North Node- you struggle with not being seen & you can also have problems with being exposed or being in public in general. You don't want to be the center of attention & you don't like being around people or it's hard for you to show your talents to them. You are very uncomfortable taking the spotlight. In this lifetime, you sometimes experience betrayal or disappointing behavior from your group. You often felt detached, both from yourself and people around you. In this lifetime, you have to learn to exist as individual and define your boundaries.

⭐️Virgo North Node- one thing that I notice from this north node is that you actually struggle with your body or your body image or how you look like or the parts of your body. Cuz Virgo represents the body, skin , parts around the belly. So you can be actually very uncomfortable showing your body to people or maybe you can also be a critical of the way you look. You can also struggle with job and working with others. So you may be more comfortable being alone and doing things alone. These people are creative, artistic, sensitive, spiritual. You feel that you are one with the whole world. This makes you very sensitive to the energy of other people. You are very compassionate, however, there are people who take advantage of this. These people are often highly creative and have a powerful intuition.

🫧Libra North Node- you can struggle with maintaining relationships. Also being good enough for people. You can also feel lonely and hopeless. You can also feel that people don't feel the same way that you do. It's hard for you to find someone who understands you the way you want to be understand. You can struggle with betrayal, pain and a lot of people can hurt you and take advantage of you. You can also be afraid of being rejected. Because u often experience rejection as a description of who you are. They often grow up feeling that they are too much, that they will never find anyone who really gets what they have going on inside. You are concerned about questions around whether you are worthy of connection. You can usually take pride in feeling like no one ever gets you.

🌊Scorpio North Node- you have trouble with darker things & things that are more intense. Maybe intimacy can be a problem for you. You don't want to share intimacy with other people if you don’t trust em enough. You can also be afraid of intimacy. Maybe you don't want the people touch unless you trust them. It’s all about trust. If you don't trust people they cannot get closer to you. You can also have like big trust issues or you can see or feel things when they are not true. You can easily become suspicious about people & you can also be afraid of being betrayal or like sharing secrets with people and they just take your secrets with them and you can never take your secrets back. With your secrets, you feel that you are safe and that no one can take that away from you. You can also have control issues. They heal entire communities when they trust themselves in relationship to other people.

🎡Sagittarius North Node- you can struggle with faith & with believing into something. It's harder for you to find something to believe because you feel like you never have that. Also you can struggle with happiness and good luck . You feel like you never have a luck or that people around you experience a lot luck it's not you. You’re destined to embrace your wanderlust and experience new places through travel. Your purpose is to learn and seek knowledge. In this lifetime, it is key to use your intuition.

🎑Capricorn North Node- you struggle with responsibilities, stability ,career or just being stable in some things. You have to find your mission in this lifetime. It could also be something about your parents or some masculine figure or father. In general you can struggle with men or masculine figure or you just have a harder time to connect with people who have more masculine energy or man in general. You can also find really uncomfortable manipulating with other people. You can also struggle with being a leader or you can also be surrounded about a lot of people who have major career or maybe smarter than you are and you feel like a loser when you are with them. You're not but you feel that way because you attract all of people who Capricorn personalities. So you may feel uncomfortable around these people because they make you feel like you are not that good. The north node in Capricorn suggests that you need a protective shell, which you first seek in others, but later you learn to grow it on your own.

🎞️Aquarius North Node- you can struggle with finding friends or being accepted in the group. You can also feel of times like outsider or that your group don't accept you as you are. You feel so much different than them. You also struggle with social media. U may want to be seen but you feel uncomfortable to be seen. Equality will be a major focus in life. In the future, you can grow by understanding other people better and relating to them. You usually dislike the idea of being one in many and belonging to a community. Also u can have a lot of relationships and you can also have a hard time to stay in relationship or being in just one.

🧚🏼‍♀️Pisces North Node-you can struggle with your subconscious, dream ,spirituality ,finding your other self. Is about the difficulty of accepting pain. It represents self acceptance. The healing that Pisces north node seeks works through a self understanding that can only exist when pain is known and understood. You can also be afraid of pain of being hurt so you actually always escape when you feel like people it's going to hurt you. You can deal with a lot of drugs but on the other side you can also be afraid of drugs ,alcohol or things that are just feel unreal or put you in the mood that is not you. It’s not about improving the self despite pain. They grow when they learn how to forgive those who have done them wrong, when they realize that their pain does not make them more alone but that pain is something that most people know. 


☁️Commnet if u want north node in houses☁️

✨Ig-bekylibra✨

-Rebekah📀🍸☁️

#astrology #energy #zodiac signs #planets #north node in signs #your path #mission

[r-2-peepoo]

I just saw a really stupid take from a Star Wars fan (I know, absolutely unheard of! (heavy sarcasm)) so here is a reminder:

People who ship clones with Jedi are more than aware of the power dynamic. That’s a huge part of what makes them interesting. If we were to to ship Cody with basically anyone else other than Obi Wan, it probably wouldn’t work as well because Obi Wan is precisely the last person who would ever want to pressure him or cross his boundaries.

The Jedi were totally screwed over and backed into a war that goes against so much of what they stand for and on top of that, now they have an entire army of brand new humans to lead. All of those brand new humans are totally unique and just experiencing the world for the first time, even though they’re all mature adults too. It’s a totally screwed up situation which puts so much added pressure onto the Order, so we throw romantic feelings on top of that and we’re not supposed to find that absurdly compelling?

Obi Wan is literally defined by his empathy and his kindness. The reason shipping him with Cody works so well is because there is no one who represents what the Jedi are meant to be better than him. Goodness is at the core of his character. There would never be a day that he didn’t value Cody’s wellbeing over his own feelings. Not to mention that they’re both so dedicated to their beliefs and responsibilities that a relationship is never even realistically an option while the war is going on.

Codywan is about the yearning. It’s about them both knowing they have feelings for each other and not being able to do anything about it because they are fighting for something much bigger than themselves. It’s about the infamous “after the war” conversation that they never got to have. It’s about them meeting again on Tatooine years later, finally on equal footing and completely alone in the galaxy, bonded together by their grief.

That’s why people love Codywan. The suggestion of anything otherwise is just an insult to the hard work all the artists and writers have put into making some of the most incredible fanfiction and fanart and fanon lore I’ve ever seen in any fandom ever.

P.S.— the portrayal of something in a piece of media doesn’t equal the condoning or promoting of that sort of behaviour. I thought we’d long since established that. Let’s use our brains here.

#preaching to the masses by putting this in the codywan tag but nvm #if your media literacy is dead I totally get how these ships would seems weird to you #pretty sure every sw ship comes with its ethical complications bc that’s how adult relationships work #it’s about how you handle it #all of my long posts are motivated by either anger or spite #codywan #clone/jedi ships #obi wan kenobi #commander cody #star wars #clone wars #star wars prequels #sw

[smutoperator]

Noona's Birthday Gifts

Kim Taeyeon, Yu Jimin (Karina) x Male Reader, Friend

Part of Legends series

Tags: anal, birthday party, body fluids, bush, cheating, (a lot of) cock-sucking, (plenty of) cursing, double penetration, experience vs youth, facial, (many) female orgasms, foursome, golden shower, jealousy, monster cocks, NILF, piss drinking, prone bone, recording, riding, queefing, squirting, surprise creampie, sweaty, titfucking

Word count: 10059.

For nearly 17 years, Taeyeon has been one of the most beloved entertainment personalities in Korea. And it has been no different this year, as she has already scored yet another massive hit with "To. X." As she turns 35 years old, many come to congratulate her. But amidst all those celebrations, there was only one person she truly wanted to notice it.

"Happy birthday to the King, or should I say, to Korea's best slut," you tell her. Taeyeon smiles and takes it as a compliment. You two have a lot of history, as you've been her go-to guy for her sexcapades since her solo debut over 8 years ago. "So what do you have for me on this special occasion?" she asks. "Something very special; come to this place and you'll see it," you reply to her.

You give Taeyeon the address of an abandoned warehouse. It doesn't sound like the most inviting place for a birthday party, but you already have everything set up, including a very special guest. If it was any other guy, especially on her birthday, Taeyeon would tell him to fuck off. After all, no one tells her what to do or where to go. But not you; she knows you've always been a step ahead since the first time you met her.

As Taeyeon arrives at the warehouse, a second car is right beside her with another guest, a tall young girl with big tits that she knows very well.

"So you are the special guest," Taeyeon says to Karina. "Yes, unnie," she replies. "My guy really wants me to corrupt a so-called innocent girl, but I think you've been corrupted a long time ago. You even got the dispatch dating exposé. That truly means you made it. Welcome to the club. If you need any help, just call me." Taeyeon knows it well, as Karina has recently been exposed for dating, just like she did 10 years ago, yet just a few days later she's already cheating on him and hoping no paparazzi cameras see her.

As the two enter the warehouse, it turns out you have made a lot of changes to it, turning it into a very cozy space for the two to enjoy. You were at the back of it alongside your friend, as you let Taeyeon talk to Karina first and let her overcome her shyness and nervousness at the moment. "Just follow my lead," Taeyeon told her. Taeyeon was already turned on by the whole set-up; turning Karina into a dirty, filthy slut would be something she definitely wasn't expecting for her birthday. You never fail to deliver her the best surprises, don't you?

Taeyeon already looked naugthly at you and your friend, who were shirtless. But she wasn't looking at your well-defined torso but rather at the massive bulge under both of your shorts. Both eight and a half inches, the best she's ever taken. It was double the size of Karina's boyfriend, so she was eager to see how the young girl would take it herself. Her and Karina whispered at each other's ears, talking about your amazing physical features but especially about that boner under your pants.

"Sex with him is so good; I'll do anything for him," Taeyeon told Karina, getting her excited. She spoke from a lot of built-on experience. After so many years, you guys had developed an amazing chemistry that was unmatched even by real couples. If one day Taeyeon decided on the facade of getting married, you'd be her de facto husband. Since the day you two met, Taeyeon hasn't missed a single week without having sex with you, even in her busiest times.

Taeyeon already feels the heat burning under her dress. She's wearing no panties because she knows she won't need them today. After ignoring her for a while, you finally stared at her face, pouring some oil on your torso. "Ready for some slicky party, Tae?" she asked you. "I was born ready," she replied. You truly love Taeyeon's confidence. Women over 30 are just your thing. Their experience always leads to something very hot, and boy, does Taeyeon have a lot of it.

"Bring her to me." It may be Taeyeon's birthday, but your eyes first went to Karina. This was your first time with her, even though you had heard a lot about Karina already. Meanwhile, Taeyeon went to your friend while you looked at Rina's amazing baby-making body. 

Already paired, you two started kissing the girls right next to each other. You could already sense Karina was a very good kisser. Maybe she trained a lot with her boyfriend. Karina was more into romantic kisses, while Taeyeon was really sloppy, as your friend could tell, loving to sweep her tongue all over his mouth. Truly, she moved really fast. While you were still enjoying Karina, Taeyeon was already moving further down your friend's torso and already touching his clothed bulge.

As you started touching Karina close to her pussy, Taeyeon already had her ass out in the open as she lifted her dress. Your friend noticed and lifted it even further, with Taeyeon now naked from the waist down. You were much slower with Karina, getting to know her first as you moved around her stacked body. Your friend and Taeyeon had no such restraints, as you could already hear him slapping her ass as he grabbed her cheeks with both hands.

It took a while for you to undress Karina, but as soon as you did, you took her entire dress off in one go, even before your friend could do the same for Taeyeon. People weren't lying when they were talking about her body. Every inch of it is amazing. Of course, her boobs are the standout, but Karina also got perfect-toned legs and quite a nice ass to boost as well, alongside, of course, her goddess-like visuals.

Not even a couple seconds before getting Karina fully naked, and you're already sucking her tits like a baby, which you follow with some kisses and a nice grab of her ass, pushing her closer to you. Maenwhile, Taeyeon is teasing your friend, getting naked now from the boobs down until she finally lifts her arm to take her dress off. You can hear her typical smirk as she does so. Now both girls only have their sneakers on. If you and Karina enjoy themselves in a very slow manner, Taeyeon and your friend prefer instead a very fast-paced one, creating a great contrast between both couples.

Karina is the first to get on her knees, just as you start rubbing your clothed erection on her body. She easily takes your shorts off and reveals your already hard and swinging cock. Karina grabs it with amazement and starts working it into her mouth. You wonder if Taeyeon taught a thing or two to her because she gives you a great blowjob, already leaving your massive meat throbbing from the start and giving it multiple rocket punches with her mouth. You truly don't know where to look. Down low, Karina is sucking the soul out of you. In front of you, Taeyeon's tiny, naked frame is getting her ass grabbed nonstop by your friend.

"Suck it, suck it, baby," you tell Karina. As she continues her sexy blowjob, Taeyeon joins her and starts sucking your friend off. While Karina gives a very fast-paced blowjob, Taeyeon is now the one who goes slow, getting very sloppy with her mouth in your friend's cock. Karina rolls her eyes as your meat is too big for her to take fully in her throat. Taeyeon, on the other hand, slowly twists your friend's cock as she sucks his tip. The fast movement of Karina makes her boobs jiggle a lot, while Taeyeon teases your friend, dunking her head halfway into his length while firmly grabbing it with her left hand.

Karina spits all over your cock, trying to get it deeper in the throat. Menawhile, Taeyeon is already taking your friend's full length in her mouth, bobbing her head on it like a horny animal. You start fucking Karina's face as her eye-rolling gets more exaggerated, with her giving you a dumb-faced look. She clearly struggles; going from her boyfriend, who is 5 inches on a good day, to your massive 8 and a half proves to be quite the difference. What is basically a deepthroat with him only covers slightly half of your length.

While Karina coughs at each thrust you give her face, Taeyeon is already in full control of your friend's pole, throating it like a champion. His is just half an inch under yours, meaning her years of training on your meat turn his into an easy task for her. Both get sloppy, as they have saliva running down their chins all the way down to their chests, but while Karina moans like a sexy kitty, you barely hear anything from Taeyeon, who is fully concentrated like she always has been. Your friend fucks her face, yet she barely flinches. In the end, even with another big cock filling her needy hole, Taeyeon can't stop thinking of yours and feels a little jealous of Karina getting to suck it on her birthday.

Taeyeon and Karina continue to bob their heads on each cock. You can see from above that it takes a lot more effort for Rina than it does for your hot noona. But no big deal; she's gonna learn as time goes on. Karina, after all, was just a 7-year-old kid at the time Taeyeon started her career. Watching Taeyeon choke on your friend's meat gives you great memories from all those times you did that to her, but it also makes you appreciate that Karina is trying her very best against a truly legendary whore like her unnie.

You told Taeyeon this would be a very slick sex session, and she took it to heart, filling her chest with spit after gagging on your friend's cock. Not even 10 minutes in, and Taeyeon's body is already full of fluids. She uses her hands to rub them all over it. Her mouth gets repeatedly pounded, yet she keeps asking for more without even needing to say a word. "Yes, spit on it," your friend says, as he loves how messy Taeyeon is already getting.

The blowjob session continues for a while, as you keep taking it gently with Karina while Taeyeon gets messier with your friend's pole as each second passes by, rising to this special occasion like she has always done for her entire career. You gotta give props to your friend, because you remember when Taeyeon did this to you on her 30th birthday and you nutted all over her throat as your cock couldn't resist her sword-engulfing skills.

You call Taeyeon's attention as you guys swap partners. It's your turn to finally enjoy the birthday girl. The two continue to suck their partners' cocks as if they took no breaks, Karina with her firm and high-effort blowjob and Taeyeon with her sloppy mess of cock-sucking you always love to experience as she now dives under your balls and slows down and heats them up trying to get your pole even bigger, in contrast to Karina's high-energy blowjob of your friend.

Your friend gets too excited and tries to fuck Karina's face, just like he did Taeyeon's. Poor girl initially suffers as he grabs her hair and tries to shove his meat on her throat, but I guess yours was good enough training that she quickly adjusts to it. Meanwhile, Taeyeon keeps sucking you hard and deep as Karina gives your friend's shaft and balls some love. "You're so pretty sucking that cock," your friend compliments her.

"I want to see that dick reach 9 inches before you get it inside me," Taeyeon tells you as she keeps sucking your cock. Her dirty words turn you on even more. That woman knows how to be an amazing slut. You just keep pushing your whole blood to your cock, ready to give her the best gift you can for this special occasion, as she continues to take it sloppily on her throat. "What a beautiful fucking mouth!" you praise her as she smirks at you.

Taeyeon slaps your cock all over her face and bubbles on it with her sloppy mouth. You've seen it many times; she's activated her extreme cock-hungry slut mode. "Hmmmm yeah," Taeyeon sexily says as she turns her cheeks into a drum for your huge stick. "The best thing about my job is having such a big dick that's all mine," Taeyeon brags as you now fuck her face and grow bigger in her throat.

After a little more ball-sucking, Taeyeon is ready to jump towards nastier ventures. "Turn around," she asks as she dives her little head straight into your butt, licking your asshole like a maniac. "Is this the cake you wanted for your birthday?" you poke at her. On the other side, it's your friend's turn to get on his knees as she starts eating Karina's wonderful pink pussy.

"Ahhhh. Ahhhh." Karina sexily moans as your friend dives inside her perfect folds. Her fully shaved slit with closed outer lips contrasts with Taeyeon's wide-open meaty lips and the full bush she is spotting today, just like you prefer. Karina starts sweating all over her torso as she pushes your friend's head deeper into her vagina, softly moaning at each lick he gives her. "Yeah, it feels so good," she says using her soft voice, contrasting with Taeyeon's loud noises as she keeps choking on your cock.

Karina holds herself against one of the warehouse's pillars, her nipples getting fully erect as she prepares herself for an orgasm, cumming just as Taeyeon gags on your cock. As Karina's orgasming sounds take control of the room, Taeyeon continues to be a deranged whore who only cares about spitting as hard as she can on your cock. "Use me like a gloryhole," she says as you pop your cock in and out of her mouth.

You carry Taeyeon's tiny body towards a trio of gym mats on the other side of the warehouse, while Karina takes a bit longer to come in as her orgasm hasn't finished yet. You two get very touchy as Taeyeon moves her face up to kiss you while you run her hands all over her ass, giving her a little spank. If Taeyeon's little ass gets most of your attention, your friend can't help but be very touchy towards Karina's big tits, massaging them from behind as soon as she turns around and stops kissing him.

Taeyeon sets her sights on jerking your cock while your friend keeps fondling Karina's milk bags as she licks her chops and even gives him a little guidance on how to run his hands over her boobs. Rina is the first to get on her knees in the mats, ready to sit on your friend's big pole as he slaps it towards her entrance. As you and Taeyeon continue your long, sloppy cock-sucking session, Karina is already fully seated on your friend's cock, ready to ride it as her sexy moans go back to fill the room.

"Hmmm, you're a dirty girl," Taeyeon says as she diverts her attention towards Karina and enjoys watching her riding that dick in reverse cowgirl and how much her big boobs are already bouncing, reminding her of when the tall girl with big bouncy tits alongside her was her groupmate Seohyun. "Are you enjoying riding that dick like that?" Taeyeon asks Karina as she starts fingering her beautiful pussy. "Hmmmm yeah," Karina says in between moans, loving watching your friend's big cock disappear under her tight pink pussy.

"Stretch that tight young pussy," Taeyeon tells your friend as Karina freely bounces on it and reaches the full base of his cock. The thing she enjoys the most after taking a big dick herself is watching another girl do the same, which ramps up her eagerness to eleven. It isn't an easy ride for Karina as she closes her eyes while your friend's cock hits all the way up her cervix, but Taeyeon is there to praise the youngester and tell her to keep going. "You're doing well; don't stop," Taeyeon tells as she picks Karina's right boob to suck while letting the other one still freely jiggle.

As Taeyeon detaches from Karina and lets her bounce freely on your friend's cock, she already lines up her pussy and puts your cock in without even looking at you. Taeyeon is so experienced, she already knows everything about your erection, especially where it points. Her loose pussy offers little resistance to your 9-inch dick, and soon enough, your meat is already deep inside her. But once you're fully in, the recognizable warmth of her cunt can be immediately felt.

Taeyeon gets on all fours as she bounces on your cock. Even in a position like doggy, where the man is the dominant one, Taeyeon still manages to keep control. Her walls slowly grip your cock while your bulge pokes her skin around her navel. You try to grab Taeyeon's ass, but second thoughts come to your mind. "It's her birthday; she is gonna do whatever she wants," you say in your head between more and more moans from Karina, who's now getting fully impaled by your friend.

"I love that fucking pussy taking that dick all the way in," Taeyeon tells Karina, never missing a chance to praise the young girl for her efforts in taking both guys big cocks. You felt a little jealous as Taeyeon gave most of her attention to Karina than to you, but she couldn't help herself; her caring unnie instincts always appear on those occasions. "Nice ride," Taeyeon tells Karina, as she loves the way her tits bounce.

You push Taeyeon a little closer to you as your friend takes a break to slap his cock on Karina's pussy. "Oh fuck," Karina says as soon as he puts it back in. Meanwhile, you increase the pace, grabbing Taeyeon by her waist and showing your cock deeper inside her tiny body. But Taeyeon quickly counters and regains control of the ride, all while giving Karina's pussy a little extra heat with her hands.

"Take that cock!" Taeyeon continues to cheer on Karina as her melons get more and more jiggly and her pussy gets more and more impaled. "Oh my God," Karina groans as your friend now thrusts up her pussy and Taeyeon smirks, giving the young girl's tits some slaps as they get on her range. It may be Taeyeon's party, but Karina is the one getting fucked hard, as she spreads her legs and lets your friend manhandle her. Taeyeon starts getting a little faster herself, humping on your dick with increased intensity as well, but never losing sight of Karina.

"Oh fuck," Karina keeps getting destroyed. Your friend is completely addicted to her tight, young pussy and plows her nonstop while she fingers herself. You and Taeyeon get romantic, kissing each other as you two enjoy watching her get pounded. 'Right there," as Karina settles on your friend's cock, Taeyeon starts giving you some instructions, with you trying to match his intensity. Both of you now have your hands on your partner's tits, with you taking Tayeon's perky little boobs from behind while your friend reaches up top to grope Karina's massive honkers.

"Uhhhhh, yes, yes, yes, please, right there." Taeyeon is now the one moaning as Karina rotates her hips on your friend's cock while you pound the noona's little body. You two get very sweaty as time goes on, sliding all over the gym mat. "Ohhh, things are getting hot in here," Taeyeon notices as Karina tilts her body towards your friend's torso and lifts her legs as he starts pounding her in a full Nelson for a few seconds. "Tease that fucking cunt," Taeyeon tells him as he keeps slapping his shaft on Karina's clit. 

"Put it back in there," Karina begs. "Ooooh, you like that cock stretching that pussy don't you, Rina?" Taeyeon teases her as her hands reach onto Karina's clit even with your hard pounding from behind. "You like this slutty little pussy?" Taeyeon asks this time directed towards your friend.

"Dirty whore," you spank Taeyeon's ass and fuck her hard. She doesn't leave your dirty talk unsawered: "Yes, I'm a dirty whore, and you fucking love that; look how hard you're working for that dirty whore's cunt," she says. "It looks like Karina is one as well, taking that big dick so fucking deep," Taeyeon continues. "Fuck me, please," Karina says. "Yes, fuck her; I want you to fuck her until that pussy is sore," Taeyeon tells your friend, who can't help but accept her offer.

You had turned into just an accessory as Taeyeon enjoyed your friend and Karina's fuckfest. But that was about to change. Taeyeon ducks her head down and rests it against the gym mat, as she wants you to top her. You noticed and quickly followed suit. With only her knees holding her little weight, Taeyeon gets ragdolled by your huge cock, enjoying every second of it. "OH MY GOD, FUCK YES!" she lets out her first scream. "Fuck, you're so fucking big," Taeyeon praises your 9-inch meat ripping her cunt apart, while getting a privileged view of Karina now grinding on your friend's dick.

"Yes, take me; yes, take that fucking pussy like that." Taeyeon demands your full efforts. You do anything to please the birthday girl. "That's so fucking good; stretch my pussy; turn it loose," she keeps telling you. "Take me like that," she continues as your cock pumps her cunt nonstop. "Take that fucking pussy with that big fucking dick." Taeyeon's dirty talk has no brakes as you pin her body down the matress with your strong, muscular hands.

Taeyeon gets up as you let her taste her juices while you now slide down the gym mat. In the background of your romantic make-out, Karina continues to get impaled. "Oh fuck, I'm cumming," she says just as Taeyeon starts to suck you off, fingering herself and riding your friend's cock hard as her boobs keep jiggling. "Yes, cum all over that fucking dick, dirty little slut," Taeyeon tells her as soon as she hears it, now getting on her knees as she faces you and lets Karina enjoy from up top how she sucks your cock.

After a long ride and a massive release of fluids coming down her pussy, Karina gets up to suck your friend's cock, mirroing Taeyeon. Soon, she wraps her big tits around your friend's shaft, sliding his wet cock up and down her massive melons with ease. "Jerk my cock off," your friend tells her. "Yes, baby, look at those big tits all over that cock," Karina smiles, Taeyeon cheering on her in the background as she watches her titfucking session while never losing sight of your cock in her mouth. "So good," your friend approves.

Taeyeon sits on your lap as she grinds her hips against your hard cock, warming it up for more while she watches. Karina sucks your friend's big pick like crazy. You two give each other torrid kisses, as Taeyeon really enjoys spending her birthday with her favorite lover. "You're such a lovely slut," you whisper in her ear as Taeyeon smiles and starts jerking your cock, pressing it between your body and hers. "Time to ride that dick," you tell her as you lie your body in the matress, letting Taeyeon slide that prick inside her warm cunt once again.

"That cock is so good," a very sweaty Taeyeon says as she slides it fully inside her pussy. As Karina keeps jerking your friend off with her tits, Taeyeon is now the one bouncing. Her ride is insane, with her taking very rapid, short thrusts down your cock that don't let you rest for a second. You never cease to be amazed at how Taeyeon places her hands on your chest and just humps that cock like crazy.

"Yeah, yeah, ahhhh," Taeyeon moans as she increases the speed of her ride. Karina watches and is eager to follow the lead of her unnie. "AHHHHHHH. AHHHHHHH." Taeyeon screams fill up the room as she moves faster, going full dick-riding whore mode. Soon, Karina also sits on your friend's cock, this time facing him and giving him easier access to her huge tits.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," you say as Taeyeon gives your cock no rest and her cheeks clap hard against your hips. "Yeah, yeah, yeah," she gives you some aegyo-esque moans as if she were still that teenager who once sang Gee, as she smashes your cock full speed. Karina tries to be a good student and copies Taeyeon's riding motion, but while doing it well, she just can't match Taeyeon's insane speed while mounting on a horse-hung cock. It's truly a skill that takes years to master, and Taeyeon is one of the very few that can do it like it's a walk in the park.

Your friend slaps Karina's fit ass, and she knows she has to go faster, but by the time she does, Taeyeon has already switched her motion, sitting hard on your cock as if she were just bouncing on one of those big yoga exercise balls. "Ohhh, baby, fuck," you're now the one on the edge as Taeyeon shows no mercy for your cock. If it depended just on her will, it would get snapped in half. Her ride is so intense that it feels like she's been possessed by some sex demon. 

Karina moans, as trying to match Taeyeon's energy proves too much for her. "Oh God, fuck," she groans as her pussy throbs and your friend keeps spanking her ass. Meanwhile, you can't do anything; Taeyeon is just on a whole new planet at this point. All you want is not to cum prematurely on her birthday once more. Five years ago, it was her throat; today, it could be her cunt, in five years, it might be her ass. This woman is the devil.

Taengoo's pussy is wet at this point; it starts queefing at each bounce she gives you, as your cock now meets a puddle of squirt inside her hole. You go feral, and it takes just a little stop in her ride for you to start pumping it up hard, as if you were seeking revenge on her for those demonic bounces a couple minutes ago. As you and Taeyeon duel like a fighting couple, making a lot of noise at each thrust, Karina just enjoys your friend's hard cock buried deep in her tight pussy.

Taeyeon tilts her body in your direction as she switches her riding motion once again. You respond by shoving your finger up her asshole. And what a switch that was, as her eyes stare right at Karina's bouncing body, and the first thing she sees are the youngster's tits in motion. However, this was just a trap that Taeyeon sets on her, as she quickly goes back to her original spot and keeps bouncing on your cock, while Karina, trying to follow, gets annihilated down under by your friend's dick.

"Yes, bow to that fucking cock," Taeyeon tells Karina while you grab her by her little boobs. The birthday girl is now the one seeing everything from above, turned on by watching Karina get plowed while she keeps bouncing on you nonstop, your bodies getting more and more slippery as her sweat and squirt spill all over you. "Ahhh, shit," you end up forcing her to stop in the middle of her ride just to survive. Well, you might have survived, but Karina's pussy is definitely getting killed at each thrust of your friend's big meat.

Your relief doesn't last long. "You can't stop like that; I'm the one who gives the commands." Taeyeon is angry you couldn't stand her ride and teaches you a lesson, gyrating her hips all over your cock and hitting it from every possible angle. This time you can survive her bombardment, as your cock gives in and surprises her with a single but massive sperm pump in her womb.

"Pleeeease," Karina begs as your friend keeps hitting her pussy hard. Meanwhile, Taeyeon was not on the pill, but she doesn't give a shit that you just ejaculated inside her, just enjoying the blend of fluids inside her needy pussy, all of them mixed by your huge cock: sweat, squirt, and cum. The sloppier, the better. She's known you for years and was aware you couldn't resist, as she now switches to a straight ride that expels all those fluids down her pussy into your shaft, balls, and crotch at each pump.

"You want more of that pussy?" Taeyeon rhetorically asks as you remain hard all the time, even after shooting inside her. To her side, Karina now starts riding in some crab-esque motion that Taeyeon can't help but find funny. "He's really getting those legs shaking," she tells her.

As you two finally finish your epic ride, it feels like Taeyeon wants more, bouncing her hips in the air with your cock already out of her. More fluids come out of her pussy, most of it being her squirt and your cum. Taeyeon makes sure to swallow all of them before moving on to the next round. "Ahh fuck," you scream, relieved that Taeyeon's cock torture is finally over. That woman really knows how to drain you.

Taeyeon dives straight to your cock, making sure it's back to the ideal size she wants. Any hint of flaccidness is gone in a couple seconds of her mouth working on it. Like a good, caring unnie, Taeyeon shares your cock with Karina, letting the youngster get spit-roasted as she tastes your wet dick already back at full strength. Taeyeon laughs as Karina is now just a piece of meat slotted between two hard cocks. "Look at that fucking slut," she says as she grabs Karina's hair and dunks her head against your dick.

Karina loves the way her unnie treats her, smiling at Taeyeon's face as soon as she lets her pull out of it, making your cock even sloppier. As Taeyeon now takes care of it, you get up to kiss Karina, who is still getting impaled by your friend during all this time, as he never lets go of her. You watch Karina's boobs bounce and then shove Taeyeon's face against your crotch. "Throat it, slut, choke on that fucking cock just like that," you tell her, still upset that she made you cum earlier.

"Oh my god, fuck, I'm gonna cum again." Karina is really straight-forward, and damn, her pussy is really sensitive as she braces herself for her third orgasm. One thing is certain: Karina came here just for fun but will come out with the perfect guy for whatever escapades she makes when she gets bored of her boyfriend. "Make her fucking cum," Taeyeon tells your friend as Karina's moans get softer and more childlike at every bounce on his cock.

Karina's queefing pussy finally gives in as she orgasms all over your friend's cock. As she cums, he tounches her very sensitive boobs, sending her to the heavens. While Karina gets up to taste her juices, you put Taeyeon in a fetal position and go down on her meaty, bushy cunt. "OH MY GOD! YES!" Taeyeon screams as she gets upside down, your tongue working all over her cum-filled, squirting babyhole. Her legs shake as you increase the heat in her vagina, filling the room with her moans. "You can't stop singing even during sex, holy shit" you mock her.

"OH FUCK. AHHHH. YESS." Taeyeon continues to let her feelings out as her pussy gets overwhelmed by your sweeping tongue. You move up and down, side by side, tasting every inch of her cunt. "AHHHHHH. AHHHHHH. AHHHHH." Taeyeon screams. You were truly throwing the perfect party for her. "Hmmm, so fucking hot," Karina tells her as Taeyeon wraps your legs around your head, ready to deliver a singing orgasm. Karina is already on all fours as your friend now takes her from behind, but you and Taeyeon aren't even noticing, fully focused on making the most of such a hot moment.

Taeyeon's legs tremble and open up as she cums. She fully spreads her legs as her sweaty body slides on the floor, and she squirts all over your face, giving you a big smirk. Not even seconds after finishing her orgasm, she already knows what's up next: "We are late," she tells you, getting on all fours to match Karina as the two kiss each other.

"FUCK!" Taeyeon yells hard as soon as you penetrate her pussy. But Karina is having a much harder time even staying up, as your friend's big bull has been manhandling her for a long time now. Both couples are now in perfect sync, but while Taeyeon takes your poundings with eyes wide open, Karina just closes her eyes as her pussy is already extremely sore after three orgasms and your friend molding it to the shape of his cock.

You spank Taeyeon's ass, and your friend soon follows and spanks Karina's. Now we've got two dueling whores—a match between youth and experience. On one side, moans and jiggly boobs; on the other, smiles at each penetration and the desire for more. "Oh my God, you hit me so fucking deep," Taeyeon tells you as she rolls her eyes. It turns out even the top whores can feel a lot of heat with such a massive cock like yours.

On the other side, Karina simply has no control over her boobs, letting them freely bounce like an airmless weapon. As they bump against each other, Karina's gets even more sensitive. But Taeyeon is no further behind. The two sluts now fully close her eyes and become just a pair of fucktoys on your and your friend's hands as you two firmly grab them by their little waists and keep pounding them.

"Good girls." You two praise them as they keep moaning with your cocks buried deep inside their cunts. Taeyeon and Karina look at each other and share kisses once more; it's the only relief they get amidst the pair of cocks stretching them out as hard as they can. "You look so hot getting fucked on all fours," Taeyeon tells Karina, who enjoys her unnie's compliments. Your friend now gives Karina's shoulders a massage while fucking her, while you firmly grip Taeyeon by her waist and love how she feels the heat of your cock hitting her tiny cum-filled womb all the way up to her cervix.

"God damn it," Taeyeon curses as the doggystyle fucking session keeps going on. "Oh my God, yes," Karina follows up as their hairs are now completely messy and sweaty and the rest of their bodies are aching as they have been turned into cocksleeves for your big meats. Karina has to use her long nails to cling to the gym mattress. Taeyeon pretends to sturggle to stay on her feet, but that tiny girl is stronger than most give her credit, as she rightens up her hair even with just one hand holding all the strangth of your poundings.

Taeyeon regains enough strangth that she starts moving her hips up and down your shaft. You give her ass a spank in approval." YES, FUCK, YES, OH MY GOD, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. On the other side, Karina is just a screaming mess as she starts shaking again. Little does she know, things are about to get even harder for her.

"Let's get down," you tell Taeyeon, who slides her body to the mat fully. Karina follows suit. You know this is Taeyeon's favorite position. She loves getting prone-boned by a massive cock up her holes. And of course, you're not gonna forget about it on her birthday of all days. Taeyeon reaches down and adjusts your cock to penetrate her at the best possible angle. Meanwhile, your friend doesn't even wait for you to start, already pounding Karina's pink slit as he gets more and more addicted to it.

"Fuck me like your life depends on it," Taeyeon tells you as you bone her. Meanwhile, Karina can only moan as she is getting stretched out nonstop. Taeyeon looks at her and gives her a little smirk before asking, "How long can you last?". "Not much, unnie. AHHHHHHHH," she says, barely able to finish.

"THAT FUCKING DICK IS SO GOOD, YOU GO SO FUCKING DEEP," Taeyeon screams as you pound her nonstop. Your session has essentially turned into a pair of hard dueling swords to see who can fuck their partner the hardest. Your balls smack Taeyeon's clit at each thrust, while your friend now slides his hands under Karina to fondle her tits while smashing them against the floor at each pounding. Even Taeyeon feels overwhelmed as you guys don't lift the foot off the gas at any second. 

"FUCKK. AHHHHH!" Taeyeon screams with her mouth wide open, while Karina grinds her teeth as your friend destroys her sore pussy. You and Taeyeon hotly kiss each other while Karina gets completely topped. "I think she's gonna collapse," Taeyeon whispers to you. "Stay put, you dirty little slut," Taeyeon tells Karina, as her guy keeps pumping her. Taeyeon's words make Karina find the last bit of strength she still has left, enduring your friend's bombardment of her pussy for a little longer.

You and Taeyeon continue to make out. "You look so fucking hot taking that cock," she tells Karina; she really enjoys watching her get destroyed. "Give it to me," she tells you, feeling a little jealous of Karina as the youngster's tits are now completely pressed against the floor and getting fondled by her man's, making Taeyeon wish she had such big boobs to feel the same way.

The two girls cum at the same time. While Taeyeon is sharing kisses with you, Karina has completely collapsed, with even her head now smashed in the floor, all that with your friend's cock still buried deep inside her. You two now finally move at a slower speed, just riding their orgasms. "I think I'm done for today; my pussy walls are so swollen they doubled in size. He really fucked me good," Karina says. She may have been out of combat, but Taeyeon is ready for more. "No problem, but please stay for the rest of the party," Taeyeon asks her. "Of course, unnie. I'll do everything you ask me," Karina gently replies.

"I want both of you to take turns in my ass," Taeyeon tells them as your friend pulls out of Karina, staring at both men with naughty eyes. Karina smiles, feeling like she's about to watch something special.

Taeyeon stays on the mat, with you just turning her body at a 90-degree angle. She gasps as your meat enters her asshole. No matter how familiar she is with your cock, it happens every single time you fuck her ass. At the same position you were fucking her pussy, you start drilling her butthole. "OHHHH. FUCKKK," she says. The only action going on is now you and her going 1 vs. 1. Her pussy squirts all over the matress as you gape her ass.

"So hot," Karina says. She really made the right decision to stay. Taeyeon is about to teach her how to become a top slut. "Yes, please, right there, fuck," Taeyeon says as Karina spreads her unnie's cheeks for your massive meat. Her eyes are now completely closed. The way you anally fucked her was truly special; no other guy could stretch her asshole the way you could, and Taeyeon knew that all the way back in the first time you two met each other.

"I love the way you stretch my tight little ass," Taeyeon tells you. You have heard that multiple times already, but it always turns you on. "Don't you fucking stop," she keeps saying. The way you fuck her is so simple, yet the chemistry between both of you is just amazing and scorching hot. Karina definitely seems to agree as she watches it up close. You now fuck Taeyeon's ass at a straight angle, sending her over the moon in the process. Close to you, Karina can only gasp at how your meat disappears inside her unnie's tiny hole with such ease. Nine whole inches, and she takes it like it's nothing.

"Such a big fucking dick," Taeyeon praises your massive manhood. "And you're such a good girl, spreading Unnie's ass," she says to Karina as you finish fucking her ass. Now, it's your friend's turn. "Give me that big gift up my ass for the first time," Taeyeon tells your friend while Karina licks her asshole in preparation. "Dirty slut wants to taste it?" she pokes her. As Karina gapes her unnie's ass, your friend takes your cock up Taeyeon's butt with ease. "Yes, please, take turns in my ass," she begs once more.

"Yes, right there, oh my godddddd, fuck," Taeyeon moans as if she were singing. You enjoy the way your friend stretches her butthole out as she closes her eyes and gets her hole fucked good. "Stuffing my fucking ass like a champion," she says, giving your friend a compliment as he reaches deeper. "Oh my God, you're gonna make me cum," she tells him as she reaches balls deep. 

Your friend can resist and starts manhandling Taeyeon's tiny ass. "Get in there," he says. "AHHHHHHH," she screams as soon as he starts fucking her faster. Taeyeon was truly caught by surprise as her clenched pussy opened up while her ass got destroyed. "SHITTTTT," your friend didn't come to play, as he truly wants to dethrone you for the number one spot among the best fuckers in Taeyeon's tight butt. 

"Yes, please, fucking destroy this fucking ass," Taeyeon says. Now for every two words that come from her mouth, one is a f-bomb. "Fuck, you're so fucking hot," she tells your friend as his balls make contact with her cunt. "Make me fucking cum, please; show how much you love this tight little hole," she tells him. "Fuck me harder, fuck me, fuck me hard like that," she keeps incentivizing him one f-bomb at a time. "Give it to her," you say in the background. 

"Are you ready to cum, baby?" he asks Taeyeon. "Yes, give it to me; make me your little slut," she replies. Soon enough, your friend gives Taeyeon that coveted anal orgasm she is craving. Taeyeon's body stays shaking on the floor as Karina tastes your friend's cock, eager to enjoy her unnie's butthole as she gives him a sloppy blowjob, while Taeyeon goes back to suck yours.

"I want both of you inside me," Taeyeon tells you as she gives your cock a little lick. You lie both on the mattress as she gets ready to sit her ass on your erect pole. "Fuck that dick is so big," Taeyeon whispers as your pole fully impales her asshole, staring at Karina, who enjoys her little unnie getting stuffed like a whore. 

"I want you to put your dick inside me too, come on, do it, don't be shy," Taeyeon begs your friend, looking at him with eyes full of lust as she rests her body on top of yours and rests her head on Karina's torso, while the youngester now sits on top of your face. Taeyeon spreads her meaty, used-up cunt for your friend's huge cock. "Yes, please, get in," she tells him as he teases her, going in and out of her pussy.

"Stuff me, please; I want both your dicks inside me. JUST LIKE THAT," she screams as your friend fully commits to her pussy, pumping it hard from the start. Nothing Taeyeon loves more than a pair of candles double penetrating her on her birthday. But for the first time, she's got someone else to watch it, which makes it even hotter for her. Just like before, Taeyeon moans as if she's singing, clinging to Karina's body as she reaches her little arms at her waist, while her head rests just under Karina's tits, her tiny body moving up and down yours as your friend pounds her pussy.

"That's so fucking good; your guys dicks are so fucking big," Taeyeon says as she now grabs Karina's boobs while your friend fingers her pussy and plays with her big bush. "Fuck, you guys are so good to me, giving me the best birthday ever and stretching out my fucking holes like that," Taeyeon says as she clenches them hard around your cock. "Watch it, Rina; this is what sluts are made of," she tells the youngster while looking at her, although the only thing she can see are her boobs.

Your friend chokes Taeyeon, who tells him she finds it hot. "You like watching me get fucked by both of these cocks?" Taeyeon asks Karina as her head slides right between the young girl's tits. "Soon you'll be the one taking those big fucking dicks for your birthday," she tells Karina. "If you haven't already, of course," Taeyeon laughs. "You fucking boys stuff me so fucking good; you take that fucking ass and pussy so... good," she tells them as both of you increase the pace of your thursts inside her holes.

Karina holds Taeyeon's legs up in the air, looking at your friend and future sexcapade guy licking her chops, thinking to herself that she can't wait to be at Taeyeon's place. "I hope my boyfriend doesn't mind it," she tells herself. "That pussy is so good," your friend tells Taeyeon, impressed at how quickly her hole gets wet for his cock. And just as he notices it, she says, "Fuck, you're gonna fucking make me cum. Yes, please, fuck please," Taeyeon tells him.

Your friend truly wasn't ready for what came next. As he shoved his cock deeper into Taeyeon's vagina, he started groaning. Her walls clenched, and she started "biting" his cock, which bends just at her entrance. Taeyeon puts her finger on his clit and closes her eyes as she starts cumming, expelling his cock out with a volcanic squirt that reaches all the way up into his torso.

"OHHHHHHH!" Tayeon screams as she squirts. "Holy shit," your friend says, amazed at the geyser coming out of her cunt that gets his body wet from top to bottom. "Fuck her harder, make her squirt harder," Karina tells him as soon as he finds room to go back inside Taeyeon's pussy. He grabs Taeyeon's left leg with one hand and her neck with the other, pounding her wet puddle of a cunt as hard as he can under the watchful and naughty eye of Karina.

"You're so fucking hot taking me, taking that fucking pussy like that." Taeyeon praises your friend as she licks the juices from her cunt. He fingers her, hoping for another river of squirt, as Taeyeon wraps her arms around Karina's waist. Meanwhile, Taeyeon's waist gets grabbed hard by your friend, who pounds her so fast that he makes your cock slip out of Taeyeon's asshole.

Taeyeon massages your hard cock out of her hole while your friend keeps giving her a rough missionary. "Let me taste your fucking cock," she tells him, kicking him out of her pussy and sliding down your body to blow his cock off. Jealousy starts to get into your head. For the first time in a long while, your cock isn't Taeyeon's preferred choice. She kisses your friend and praises his cock in front of you, to the point where it feels like she's doing it on purpose.

You only have Karina's mouth on your cock to please you; meanwhile, your friend is putting his filthy hands all over Taeyeon's wet pussy and helping her squirt again, much to her delight as she kisses him. Taeyeon screams as he makes her squirt, followed by a laugh and a kiss as she follows. Soon, she's riding his cock as well. "Rina, you're so hot sucking this dick," Taeyeon tells her as Karina keeps savoring your monster pole. 

For the first time in a while, Taeyeon gets closer to you as she kisses Karina to get a taste of your cock. You feel a little angry, but you don't want to be an asshole and ruin her party. Lucky for you, Taeyeon's next request to Karina ends up being a blessing to you.

"Rina, do me a favor," Taeyeon starts. "Go to my bag, get my phone, and film me taking both their cocks," she finishes. Karina starts to laugh at her unnie's outrageous request. Taeyeon really wanted that recording as her birthday souvenir. As Karina gets up to pick up the phone, you lick your chops, looking right into Taeyeon's eyes. As she rides your friend's cock in her pussy, her ass is wide open for you to top her. You know this is your chance to reassert your spot as her top man, and you're gonna take it and stuff her just like you did the first time you two met each other.

Taeyeon looks really excited while riding his dick. As Karina gets her unnie's phone and approaches you three, you insert your cock in Taeyeon's ass. You know it's going to be a tough task, but out of all the countless DPs Taeyeon has experienced, you'll make sure this is her best.

"Please put that fucking big dick in my ass; stretch me wide open," Taeyeon tells you. As Karina starts to film it, Taeyeon is already falling on her knees. You go slow, but make sure to fuck her ass balls deep from the start as your sack hits your friend's cock, stretching her pussy. Taeyeon loved how you hit her in the right spots from the beginning. Truth be told, while being an anchor man has its advantages, being the alpha dog of a DP will always be the preferred option.

"Fuck, you guys are stretching me so hard; fucking make me your tiny little fucking slut, getting those fucking big dicks inside my tiny fucking holes. Fucking me in front of my dongsaeng," Taeyeon says as Karina moves around you guys and starts filming both of your cocks pumping inside Taeyeon's stretched holes. Karina feels amazed: "I need to throw a birthday party just like unnie's," she thinks.

"Oh Gosh. Rina, are you filming this?" Taeyeon asks her, enjoying getting stuffed by both of your cocks to the fullest, especially at how you're mounting her like a raging bull. "Yes, unnie, it's so fucking hot," she tells Taeyeon. "I think I'm in paradise now; these cocks stretch me so weel, ahhhhh." Taeyeon continues. "Good girl, taking all that fucking dick deep in her holes," you tell her.

"AHHHHHHHH. OH. MY. GOD. THAT'S SO MUCH COCK!" Taeyeon screams as your bull pumps her intensely. Besides filming, Karina now reaches under her new lover's cock, caressing it as he stuffs it in Taeyeon's pussy. Taeyeon wraps her hands around your feet as you put all your strength into destroying her asshole, topping her like she's your personal bitch. "Fuck you guys make me feel so good," she says as you pick up the pace, leading the charge more and more as the dominant alpha while your friend lies idle with Karina jerking him off.

"Slut enjoying it a lot, aren't you, Taengoo?" you ask, using her nickname. "Fuck," is how she answers; you don't need to ask anything else. Karina keeps filming both cocks pumping her unnie's pair of fuckholes, fingering herself to the scene. "You guys are gonna make me explode with those two fucking big dicks," Taeyeon continues as her holes start to queef, your balls colliding with your friend's shaft as he pushes his cock up her cunt and you push yours deep in her ass.

Taeyeon is just a stuffed moaning whore now, as the two cocks work her cunt and anus in perfect sync, hitting deep inside her at the same time. You take Taeyeon by surprise, fucking her ass now at full speed as revenge for her making you feel jealous a while ago, showing her who the boss is. "Give it to her," your friend tells you as Taeyeon starts to call for God more than she ever did—in fact, every time you hit deep in her asshole.

Your friend gets some extra motivation from Taeyeon's screams, pushing up her pussy as well. Now that's all that's left for her, screaming at each pump of both cocks deep inside her fuckholes until she cums. Taeyeon pleads to God more than 100 times, but her prayers go unanswered. The only thing she gets is your raging boner stuffing her even harder, making you groan as you get close to cum. Karina registers everything while wishing to get fucked like that. "Rina, you like watching your unnie get treated like a dirty little slut?" Taeyeon asks her.

"Of course," Karina answers as she zooms her phone close to the action. Taeyeon's holes barely appear now, fully stuffed with cock. "AH. AH. AH. AH. AH." Taeyeon rapdily screams as both cocks don't stop stretching her out, yours leading the charge. "OH, YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME CUM, HOLY SHIT," she continues, her body now completely sweaty while her eyes haven't seen any light for many minutes.

You slow down and enjoy Taeyeon's begging. The independent woman turned into a screaming slut for cock. "Rina, are you filming?" is all she can ask. "Yeah," Karina responds. "I've got a great angle; I think you're gonna enjoy it," she says as Taeyeon lets out yet another moan and creams all over those cocks, while your friend kisses her neck and licks her sweat. "You boys destroy my holes so fucking good," Taeyeon says, her face turning red.

"I want both of you guys to cum on my face and blow those fucking birthday candles all over it," she says. "Is that what you want?" you ask her. "Yes, please," she answers. 

You guys pull out of Taeyeon, jerking your big cocks while she gets on her knees; her little body does not even get past your legs. "Yes, I want it," Taeyeon unleashes her rarely seen aegyo. "Rina I want you to film it," Taeyeon says as she puts her hands on both men's legs. Karina has a great view from the phone's lens, and with Taeyeon's little body surrounded by both cocks from such big guys, she can only record them from their torso down. Taeyeon's skin and especially her bush glow under the camera's lens as well.

"And then I want you to cum kiss me after," Taeyeon says, to which Karina reacts with her biggest smile of the day, which Taeyeon follows with one of her own, never losing sight of the two big cocks jerking off for her. "Are you guys ready to cum on my face and have my hot friend cum swap with me?" Taeyeon asks. Both of you start singing happy birthday to her as you guys get closer.

"I want every last drop," Taeyeon says just as you guys finish singing. As soon as she says those words, your friend is the first to cover her face, with Taeyeon scooping the cum that doesn't hit it with her bare hands. "Yes, perfect," she says. "Ah, fuck," your friend groans as she drains his balls to the fullest.

You're the next in line. Taeyeon's left cheek is already fully covered in semen as your friend slaps his cock in her face. "Thank you for such a good gift," she praises him and even rubs his tip on her eye, bringing back that feeling of jealousy in you. "Rina is gonna love this," she says, already aware of her friend's burning desire for your friend's cock.

"Ready to cum now?" Taeyeon sexily asks you. The load you drop on her is so sudden that she opens her mouth gleefully in happiness, watching as it reaches all the way down her chest, scooping what drops down and rubbing on it too. The next load hit her right cheek, as her face is now fully covered in cum, and you're also completely drained.

"You guys were so fucking good to me today; thank you for the best party ever," Taeyeon says, grabbing your friends already deflating cock while sucking your while still hard and then taking turns at giving both tips a few kisses.

"Take the camera and let Rina come here," Taeyeon tells you. Karina is extremely happy as she licks her unnie's cum-covered face, tasting it like the cream on top of a birthday cake. Taeyeon drops the cum in her mouth into Karina's, licking what spills into her face. "That's so hot, I love it," she says, looking at you. "Next time, it's going to be your face all covered in cum," Taeyeon tells Karina, who laughs, hoping that comes soon enough.

As you film the girls kissing each other, one final idea comes to Taeyeon's mind. "I can't go home all sweaty and full of cum; can you guys clean me before we leave?" she asks. "Sure, let's take a shower," you two say. "Yes, but not the kind of shower you guys are thinking," Taeyeon says.

"What kind?" They ask. "I want those cocks peeing all over me. I know you guys have a lot in the tank; after all, it's how you clean those pipes after so much cum, isn't it?" she says.

"Holy shit," you exclaim, never thinking that Taeyeon would ask for a golden shower. She never had before over all those years, but it's her birthday, and she wanted something a little more outside the box. "Stay there and film all of it, Rina," she says. "I want your friend to clean my body with his piss while you clear my throat as I get ready for tomorrow," she orders.

You guys oblige, as your friend makes sure to piss all over her body, giving her torso, boobs, face, and even her bush some cleaning. Meanwhile, your hot piss goes all into Taeyeon's throat. Not gonna lie, you love turning the throat that has sung some of Korea's biggest hits into your personal urinal.

"Amazing," Taeyeon says as you two run out of piss. She gargles yours in her mouth and then drinks it. "Thanks for such a great birthday party. You and your buddy, Karina, all did amazing today. I hope we'll have many more meetings in the future." Taeyeon gives a brief speech as she goes towards Karina and your friend first. "I think you guys should spend the night together, as long as you didn't schedule anything with your boyfriend, right, Rina?" she asks.

"No, unnie, I don't have anything tonight," Karina says. "Then fine, just watch for the paparazzi. They are always lurking. I can take you guys to my apartment if you want," she says. "Sure, unnie," Karina tells her as they get a hot, spicy shower together and minutes later leave the building.

Now it's just you and Taeyeon in the warehouse, both still naked. "You blew me away today. I loved how you felt so jealous when I gave your friend lots of attention. You really don't want to lose your favorite noona, don't you?" she asked. "Never," you said. "Then let's go to your house and enjoy a romantic night," she continued.

As you two have some post-sex fun in the warehouse's shower and get ready to leave it, Taeyeon gets in her car and heads towards your house for dinner. It was always her policy to leave in separate cars from her partner since the day she got caught dating in one. But before she did so, she said those final words:

"I can't wait to know what you're going to prepare for my 40th birthday." Yes, she was already thinking of it that far ahead.

Today, I'm starting a new series called Legends. This series is about some of the most iconic female idols and will feature longer stories with a lot of sex, that, depending on the idol, can be very passionate or very extreme. To feature on this series, the idol must be at least 30 years old and have some iconic moments that are entrenched into k-pop's lore. The stories will all take place around their birthdays, with each idol getting a special kind of celebration.

For this year, I'll take on idols born in 1989 and 1994 (so those who turn either 35 or 30 years old this year). Taeyeon, who turned 35 four days ago, was my choice to start it, featuring her in a DP foursome alongside Karina (who could very likely be herself a future legend) with a very nasty ending. Besides Taeyeon, there are other 3 idols I have in mind for this series in 2024: Suzy, Krystal (who turn 30) and Taeyeon's groupmate Yuri (who also turns 35).

#taeyeon smut #karina smut #snsd smut #aespa smut #female idol smut #girl group smut #kpop smut #male reader smut

[locklylemybeloved]

i actually think we need to talk about how sexuality is fluid. people change, and they change constantly. part of that change is ur identity

i was aroace for years of my life. i never felt any attraction to people, i couldnt understand attraction, i didnt ever want to be with anyone. and i was comfortable with that.

but then one day (i cant really explain it or pinpoint it) i realized that oh i could be in a romantic relationship now. in this current moment, im biromantic (something i spent a while debating) and asexual.

but the problem was, i was so paranoid people wouldn’t believe me, or people would assume the period of my life that i was aroace was immaturity or a “mistake” that i didnt come out for a WHILE. i didnt want all of those people who told me “its just a phase” and “i hadnt found the right person yet” to be right

but heres the thing: even though i am no longer aroace, those people werent right. it wasnt “a phase.” that time i was aro wasnt a “phase.” i genuinely was aro, but because all things tend to be fluid, that changed. and another funny thing? i didnt “find the right person.” i didnt have an “awakening.” one day, i just knew. and thats totally okay.

it’s exhausting to constantly justify your sexuality to others. it’s exhausting to feel invalidated in your own identity. and i know for a fact that its not just me that experiences this.

i know someone who was a lesbian their entire life, and then they realized no they were actually a man. now they identify as a straight guy

anyways i guess this point of this is to tell people to accept fluidity and change in identity, and to let people who’ve gone through the same thing as I have know:

you aren’t alone, i’ve been there too. and i’m so sorry if you relate to the tiring state of mind of constant questioning. stay strong and remember that the way you see yourself is entirely for you. your identity is yours, and you get to define it.

#mae-rants #aroace #aspec #aromantic #asexual #aromantic asexual #lgbtq+

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

My brain is on fire same I can’t sleep and am thinking of this:

The way she writes about marriage/family/commitment through these different situations across the album is soooooooooo interesting.

You have a very intense first experience of it in “The Manuscript,” where it is first dangled in front of her/the narrator’s young, impressionable self as shorthand for real love in a situation that ended up being smoke and mirrors. She’s being told everything she wants to hear by someone who basically thinks it’s just foreplay. In the end, when it’s clear that the other person has no intention of actually making a life with her, it makes her feel used, but she forces herself to recalibrate and become the girl she thinks he and all the other hes want her to be. Easy breezy cool. But there’s a sense of loss in realizing those hopes were merely banter to the other.

You have the “grown up” version of it alluded to in “So Long, London” and “How Did It End?”, the years of putting in work to save a relationship and the “deflation of our dreaming leaving [her] bereft and reeling” leading to them “calling it all off.” The implication is clearly that they built a home together with plans for next steps at a point in time, but the commitment is shattered. (Obviously to me it sounds like marriage.) She’s bitter at spending her “prime” years with someone who ultimately didn’t want to be there, even if he couldn’t or wouldn’t admit it himself.

She felt like she did everything she was supposed to, but they were learning the right steps to different dances at as it were. Those dreams were at one point shared, but in the end they weren’t right for each other and she admits that, though bitterly (“I founded the club she’s heard great things about” eg the years she put in for him to help him grow up will end up benefiting his new lover, “but I’m not the one,” “you’ll find someone,” etc.). Mixed in with all this of her resentment of him wasting her youth (sacrificing herself at the altar), and his resentment of her for reasons less defined, and insinuations of betrayal in the shadows. The fantasy of the whole package disappears into the ether, yet she still has no answers as to how they got there.

Then in comes the wolf in sheep’s clothing in many of the rest of the songs, the one who promises her all those things she’s dreamed of since she was a kid instantly. After years of moulding herself to other men’s desires, someone comes in and tells her exactly what she wants to hear at the most vulnerable time of her life, as though the universe is answering her prayers, like some sort of cosmic payback for all she’s suffered, and it’s the most intoxicating drug of all. She’s gone from her wish for a family life feeling like she’s in a way being used for her body, to it being used as a chain to a relationship gone sour, to having someone put a metaphorical ring on her finger and tell her he wants to have babies with her, fuck those other guys.

In her grief and stupor, it’s too good to be true, which is exactly why she falls for it. But of course, it’s all an illusion, because this wolf is an amalgamation of the worst of all the men who came before him. He tells her everything she wants to hear not to make her dreams come true, but to make his. He takes the worst parts of these scenarios to make his move: he’ll stand by her, he’ll commit, he’ll do it out in the open under the spotlight’s glare (all things desperately lacking in her last relationship), but after he beds her he stabs her in the back in private and leaves her. He got what he wanted at the expense of her losing everything she wanted, this time as her world caved in seemingly for good. She feels like she gave up everything she thought she might have had for a chance that this is where the universe has been point her all along, only to be left broken for good (you represent the loss of my life as I knew it).

Then there are two sort of codas to this. In “But Daddy I Love Him” we get a sassier reimagining of “Love Story,” where the girl with the scarlet letter is mouthy and crass and tells everyone to go fuck themselves for cursing her in the first place, choosing her love above all else. And no, those haters can’t come to her wedding. Her daddy may have come around, but they sure can’t. Finally it seems someone is choosing her and will someday give her these things, and she’ll be able to show all the naysayers. (Also interestingly one of the more fictionally-veiled songs which ends happily vs the diaristic ones that don’t.)

Then of course there’s “So High School,” our first glimpse into what the future holds. Probably the only unabashedly happy (nay… electric?) song on the album, it’s all about reclaiming the buzz of youth (which is a whole other post) with a new lover. “Are you gonna marry, kiss or kill me? It’s just a game but really, I’m betting on all three for us two.” It’s, er, a direct nod to a certain now-infamous interview, but again, she’s staking her claim on her future, if not certain then at least hopeful again. This time the prospect doesn’t come with a “but.” It’s not, we’ll be pushing strollers but actually you’re too young. It’s not, we had these dreams for our future but actually I can’t move forward. It’s not, I’m going to promise you a ring and a baby but only until my needs are met and then I’m out. It’s, I know what I wanted and I’m not leaving, and thanks to that now she stays too.

The album dealt with the theme not at all in the way I expected, but is absolutely fascinating.

#writing letters addressed to the fire #me thinking too hard about Taylor lyrics #the tortured poets department #i have many thoughts #No brain power