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falcor-thee-luck-dragon · 3 years

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Love Cuts Deep

Chapter 1- She Ran With Wolves

Bucky Barnes x powered (f)reader Series Re-write (Civil War, Infinity War/Endgame, TFATWS)

Summary: You’re a survivor, always have been and always will be. After narrowly escaping the clutches of Hydra years ago, you’ve been keeping to the shadows for as long as time allows. With Hydra suddenly exposed and your secrets in the open, you’re on the hunt for the last part of your past, but is he ready to see you again?

Warning: angst, talk of violence, some fluff mixed in (a little); way more to come

Masterlist

Side note- This is a TFATWS Series Re-write!!! Obviously lol, anyways. Readers powers are heavily inspired by a certain Marvel badass and I just thought her powers would work so well for this. Also they’re cool as fuck.

September, 15th 2013

Location: S.H.I.E.L.D Headquarters, Washington D.C.

This recent project Fury had sent her on was beginning to make itself quit the annoyance for Natasha this past of couple weeks, granted he always gave her the toughest assignments, understanding that no one else can dig up as much dirt as the Black Widow can.

But this? This was different, the target in question was practically a ghost, a legend among the ones lucky, or possibly unlucky enough to have been made aware of this dangerous individual. But no matter how much she asked around from her various secretive resources on the problem in question, this mystery person was simply just rumor to them. Or perhaps too much of a sour subject to seek into any further. Although one thing was always prevalent, people were scared.

But why?

The assassin leans back in her chair, a thoughtful expression crossing over her features as she stares bitterly down at the top secret file gifted to her by Fury himself. Suddenly a door closes, she shuts the file in an instant, only to be greeted with the apologetic face of Steve as he walks past her.

“Sorry. Fury told me you would be in here.” Begins Steve as he takes the nearby couch, something small and metal in his right hand, “Said you were assigned some impossible case. How’s it going so far?”

Letting out a jaded sigh, she shifts her gaze over to the window, “The absolute vagueness of this person is....frustrating to say the least. All I’ve been able to gather is that they’ve been part of some top secret experimentation on pregnant women. Somehow they’re involved with it....I just, gotta figure out how.” She adds with a conflicted expression dancing across her features.

Steve hums in thought, “Sounds complicated.”

“You have no idea.” Mutters Natasha unenthusiastically as her green irises shift back down to the annoying little file.

Steve palms the object in his hand before gaining his friends attention once again, “Here. Fury told me to give this to you.” Her brows furrow in thought as she reaches over and quickly accepts the strange hard drive looking object, “I think this will help. It has the location of the target and who they are. That’s it.....Well, the last reported location.”

“How did he?” She wonders aloud, face suddenly breaking out into an irked grin, “Fury you son of a bitch, about time I found a legitimate lead.”

——

Sitting on her comfortable apartment couch, Natasha sifts through the various encrypted files from the hard drive that’s currently plugged into her laptop. So far she’s spent about two hours breaking through the various encrypted file blockers and now at long last has finally made some real progress.

Studying the brightly glowing screen, she moves her finger, clicking another coded link that reads -V13X11- she’s immediately greeted with a black screen and the slightly blurred picture of a woman’s face who’s looking rather stoic and fearless against the camera flash. Her eyes are set and hard as stone, dark and almost angry behind lips that show the ghost of a forced smile. She’s noticeably an overall attractive woman, in kind of a terrifying and intimidating sort of way, like looking at a fierce lioness standing valiantly against a foe; nonetheless she stares defiantly at the person behind the camera.

Her eye color, weight, date of birth, and presumably patient number, that's printed in big bold letters 00X13 on the glowing screen, right below her squared portrait. Furrowing her brows, Natasha scrolls down to see about a paragraph long of personal information given about the woman. Including, to the red heads tremendous surprise, a birth name, Y/N Valerious.

Oddly enough, the name indeed sounds a tad bit familiar, though she can’t quit place from where.

The file states that she was raised in a facility on the outskirts of Surinda, Russia; someplace in Siberia, close to the heart of the mammoth country. Trained by the organization Hydra and summitted into inhuman experimentation by the specific facility that held her, however the rest is all encrypted and impossible to translate into something comprehensible much to Natasha’s utter disappointment.

Huffing in frustration, she slips out the hard drive before shutting down her laptop and slamming it shut. The room is darker by now with the sun gone, and tomorrow it appears that Natasha will be off to Sweden to confront this woman, Y/N, in hopes of gathering valuable intel into the people who created her, and any important information regarding her troubled past.

If she’s willing to comply.

——

Closing your laptop, you stand and wander over to the opened window to stretch before taking a deep breath of freshly brisk winter air. The land here in Uppsala, Sweden is more beautiful and peaceful then you could have ever imagined since renting an apartment two months ago. In fact, this is probably the longest you’ve ever stayed in one spot since abandoning the life of an assassin many years ago.

Though you know it won’t be much longer until you leave again, but you can’t just yet, there happens to be a certain agent on her way to find you. Fury unknowingly received your encrypted hard drive with opened arms, foolishly under the impression it was sent from an old friend when he reached out for answers into your complicated history. Then when the Black Widow eventually clicked open your link, bam, you could see everything she was nosily sifting through. Everything you wanted her to see. You honestly wouldn’t be surprised if something dramatic happened to the people over in D.C. at this point, idiots, all of them.

For the past couple years S.H.I.E.L.D has become sort of a troubling snooping nuisance for you, constantly delving their way into your relatively uneventful lifestyle every couple of months, meddling around to figure out if you’re still currently active for Hydra and if not, are you willing to pay for your crimes or to join them like she did. Definitely not on your to do list any time soon.

Watching as a small black bird zips by, you quickly shut your window and close the dark colored curtains to block yourself from the rest of the chaotic world. Hastily making your usual rounds about the apartment to be absolutely certain all the possible openings are locked. Soon after you head for bed, ready to face the ex-assassin whenever she arrives in the following days ahead.

Seated at your kitchen table, you casually sip at your steaming hot tea while watching security footage from downstairs from when you hacked into their system, the same night you began renting the place. As expected, the notorious red head slips her way into the building and up the four flights of stairs until finally a light knock is heard at your old wooden door.

So she wants to do this cleanly.

Switching off the device, you stuff it in a nearby drawer before calmly walking down the tiny hallway over to the frontdoor and opening it, lock off and all. Her green eyes blink in curious surprise as you show her no indications of aggression; she’s about your height if not maybe slightly smaller, thick scarf and a winters coat about her person as she holds a normal sized black bag in her right hand. No doubt a gun concealed somewhere close, a light precaution in case things go south from here.

Trailing your wary gaze from her travel bag to her pale face, you raise an intrigued brow, “I assume you’re here for me?” You ask with the tinge of a confident Eastern European accent as she slowly nods, eyes calculated and calm as she studies your mellow yet slightly defensive stance.

Pursing plush lips together, she casually shrugs with a light hearted smile, “I only realized you must have sent that hard drive when I arrived in London...”

“Well I’ve gotten rather bored running away from your persistent bastards over in America.” You interrupt before opening up your door even wider, gifting her an open invitation instead of a fight, “Come in. I assume we have much to discuss.”

Following you to the table, she sets her bag on the closest chair as you take another sip from your tea. Cautious eyes trained on her every move as she shifts a bit uncomfortably in her chair, “So, I assume you’re not here to sell me that pretty bag of yours. Not that I’d want it.”

She smirks at your blunt sarcasm, pleased to know you’ve at least got a sense of humor after all you’ve endured, “No. I’m here to learn about who created you and if there are any more. Y/N, I’m well aware of how dangerous you truly are...but given the fact that you’ve had time to adjust, and let me into your home willingly. I came seeking answers. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Folding your hands together, you tilt your head at her thoughtfully, “Well that’s good. I didn’t really want killing the Black Widow on my conscience, though I’d speculate a few would be relieved.” You quip with a playful smirk before your face turns serious again, “I’ll tell you about the fuckers who made me. Then you leave and never bother me again. Understood?” You add in almost a growl.

Handing you a polite smile, she nods in agreement, “Of course. You have my word.” You take another sip of your tea as she reaches into her bag, a beige file suddenly plants itself atop your kitchen table. “This is the only surviving file on you. It’s enough, but there’s too many cracks that need to be filled. I need to know how they conducted the experiments and who else survived them. This is important for the safety of S.H.I.E.L.D and the rest of the world. Y/N, we’re trying to make sure something like this can never happen again. And well, any secrets on Hydra always helps.”

Setting your cup down, you smirk, “This should be filled with liquor if I’m going to be spilling some top secret Hydra business of this velocity.” You muse, setting aside your mug, your face quickly shifts to a more serious expression. “For starters this isn’t a very heartwarming story.”

“Neither is mine.” Begrudgingly admits the ex-assassin.

“Well, at least we have something in common then, Black Widow.” You assert with a pointed look before leaning back against the barred wood of your chair, thinking of where to start first. Your eyes trail over to the window as you begin your story, “This place, where they kept us. The scientists working for Hydra wanted to test out special DNA altering serums on the embryos of willing participants. Well, we weren’t willing....but they targeted the poor, feigning a program that would pay these mothers-to-be thousands if they participated. Plus a comfortable place to stay for awhile.” You reveal before taking another sip of your tea, “You see, I’m not originally from Russia, my home was some nameless village in Eastern Europe that I’ve forgotten the name of by now, it was so long ago. But anyways, I guess fate has a funny way of administering it’s business to the ones seeking safety in times of struggle. So my mother...” You take another sip of your tea to help clear your throat and head a little bit, God you hate talking about this.

Setting it down again, you continue, “Mine accepted. They took her and twenty-two others to this facility deep in the woods. This place was practically a paradise for them...” You chuckle miserably, “soon enough the scientists pumped them full of drugs and began their altering of the embryos DNA, genetic codes, and whatever else they saw fit to mess with. Nine months later we came into this world kicking and screaming.”

“Shit.” Mutters Natasha in astonishment, fully engrossed in your story as she starts to realize maybe her upbringing wasn’t as fucked as yours.

“They monitored us for the first few months, waiting to see if anyone acted strange....nothing, to their utter disappointment. Soon they drew blood samples and as it turned out, we all had altered DNA from the serum. Just as they’d planned.”

Her brows furrow in puzzlement before she asks, “How’d you get your powers then? I don’t think I missed anything.” Insists your guest questionably as you shake your head.

“You didn’t. But you have to understand that as we grew older, all of us basically became tiny super soldiers as fucked as that is, not only did they change our genetic code for meddling with later on when we got older. But this serum was so well developed that it completely fused with the fetuses genetic code, only causing us to grow stronger as we aged from toddlers to three-year-old's and up. Testing even revealed that it slowed down our ageing process just like with Captain America. But it wouldn’t be effective till we reached our mid to late twenties.”

Natasha takes a moment to process your words before she nods in acknowledgment, “Y/N. It’s my understanding that this is a buried secret from the organization for good reason, it’s just....what year did this all take place? It’s not in any of the records I was able to dig up, not even in yours, nothing except for your date of birth.” States Natasha curiously, stopping you before you speak of anything else.

Nodding you lean your arms against the wooden table, leaning in a bit closer now, “1953, after World War ll when people where still recovering from the heavy aftermath while the Cold War was still raging on when well, you know.” Giving her a lopsided shrug, you glance from an old faded picture on the wall then back to her, “Lets just say Russia wasn’t exactly having a stellar time, nor was my mother for that matter.” You Conclude before aimlessly pursuing your lips together, “Which yes, makes me at around 60 years old. Don’t I look pretty.” You add, voice dripping in sarcasm.

Natasha’s eyes concede silent astonishment as she blinks back surprise, “Even after all these years doing what I do, meeting the people that I have. I’m still left speechless every once in awhile. Y/N I can’t even imagine what you’ve seen.” Reveals the red head honestly as her green irises flicker from your file then back up to you, a conflicted expression dancing across her features, “How did they...how did you gain your powers, aside from what the serum gave you in the process?”

An apprehensive sigh escapes freely from your lips while you lean back into the creaky old chair, a troubled look darkening your features as you avoid her intrigued gaze, “They waited until we were twelve before testing us....in the meantime we lived as normal children; learning, playing, and training to survive. You know, the typical stuff.” You add with a small breathy laugh, though no humor finds your eyes, “We had our mothers until a year before they began the experiments. But it wasn’t that terrible of a loss since they trained us to adapt to our environment and never fully depend on anyone but ourselves.....it’s sick. And I’m not even sure what they did to them, I guess I never will.”

She nods as you make a disgusted face, an acidic hatred rising in your chest at the thought of your childhood, “I’m sorry, I can’t even imagine how traumatic that must have been.”

“Oh believe me, it gets better.” You joke bitterly, “In pairs of two they tested us, putting us into rooms where two doctors would strap us down and stick a needle into our skin. After that, they waited until something dramatic happened. Oh, and it sure as fuck did.” You conclude with a sneer.

Biting her lip anxiously, Natasha asks anyway, “How many survivors?”

Scoffing, you shake your head in revulsion for what those doctors did to everyone, an angry expression soon crossing your features, “One.” You sourly mutter, “All my other friends died of the new serum they gave us, either right then and there on the table, or in the following days. You see, it was supposed to blend with our altered DNA to create something powerful out of it, something beyond humans normal capabilities. It just ended up horribly mutating everyone except for me.” You whisper, clear sadness and hatred coating your very words.

Your eyes stare sharply at the peeling table top paint, a frown on your lips as you take in a deep breath before continuing, “What they did to me....no one should have to go through something so goddamn agonizing, I was only a child, just a little girl in a terrible place whether I knew it or not....and you know how it affected me?” She slowly shakes her head no as you smile miserably, your brows furrowed in pain, “I was gifted with bone claws that retracted out of my knuckles and one from each of my feet.” You confirm, eyes suddenly darkening in fury, “And you know what those goddamn bastards did to me afterwards? Like I hadn’t suffered enough from the pain of it all, they pumped me full of liquid Adamantium. Turning my claws to solid metal, the fucking strongest material on earth. Right in the body of an eleven year old child!” You shout furiously as she flinches back at your outburst, blinking hard, you let out a heavy breath before leaning back into your chair in defeat.

Calm down, Y/N. It’s just a memory now.

Strong brows dent her clear skin in thought as you await a response, after a few long moments does she soon gather her racing mind, lacing her fingers together she raises a brow at you, “That doesn’t explain how you’ve survived so long. The years working for Hydra, they turned you into a weapon....yet you’ve escaped and haven’t been killed yet. Not even a scratch to be found.....well, at least that I can see.”

Turning to face the puzzled assassin, you give her a lopsided grin, your chill composure coming back to you quickly enough, “I didn’t just get claws from the enhanced serum that fucked with my genetic make-up, it completely heightened my humanly abilities. Suddenly I was stronger, faster, and all my senses felt like they were on overload. Best of it all, I came to realize I had accelerated healing capabilities. Who would have thought that their shitty inhuman experiments would have gone so horrendously, yet with the one miracle of an exception. Me.”

“I had figured that branch of Hydra was meddling on dangerous ground, I hadn’t realized the extent of what they were doing. Did they try making any more like you?” She wonders.

“I was the last. Since I was the only compatible vessel, they didn’t want to waste anymore time or money on others who could possibly fail.” You explain with a shrug, “I became one of their most treasured assets.”

Pursing her lips together, she gives a slight nod before revealing a different file from her bag, you watch as she pauses for a moment before opening it up, you quickly take notice of the many white papers pinned together. Some with encrypted symbols and words while others are in plain English. Your brows furrow as she flips the first page to reveal...

“I know I came asking for answers about classified information, but this won’t be a complete mission if I don’t ask you about your time with Hydra.” Proposes the red head cautiously while she studies your face for any hostile reactions, not getting anything but skepticism, she continues, “I understand you were very important to them. It’s recorded you’ve completed about three dozen kills over an active period of about thirty-seven years.”

You scoff before muttering, “So it would seem. They gave me my first mission in 1971...when I was 17.”

“Right, but that’s not exactly what I’m seeking.” Her eyes immediately trail down to the files, “I assume you must have seen this man at least once...” She flips another page over and pulls out a playing card sized photograph, she turns it around and slides it closer to you. Instantly you recognize who he is, but how did she?..

“I haven’t seen him in years, nor heard of him for that matter.” You mutter, though your tone shifts to a more aggravated one.

Noticing this difference, Natasha continues, “That’s the look of someone who has met him for less then friendly reasons. What happened to the Winter Soldier?” You take a long moment to study his stoic face of icy blue and white, and black; its when he was in the Cryostacis chamber, the place where they would freeze him to keep their Winter Soldier locked away until he was needed for a new mission. All that you can fully witness is his sleeping face, though you know exactly what he looks like up close and with no ice crystals in his dark hair.

Letting out a heavy sigh, you slide the photograph back over to her folder, “I met him when I was 25 in 1979, Hydra needed us for a duel mission somewhere in South Africa, they needed their best. We were tasked with locating and stealing some precious metal which we later learned was Vibranium, because apparently they had used the last of the Adamantium on me.” You reveal with a casual shrug, “It went relatively well as expected...and well, we worked with each other many times after that, until I escaped and he was sent to kill me in 2009.”

“You knew him for almost twenty-nine years. Do you know where he might be now?”

Scoffing, you almost laugh, “Even if I did, you’d never get him. But if I’d have to assume, he’s probably frozen in some cryo tank somewhere in the middle of Russia. Waiting to be let loose again so he can take out a new enemy of the state.”

“Right.” Nods the Black Widow as she closes up her files, her green irises quickly on you again, “Thank you for your time, and for the heavy material you spoke of.”

“It was a long time ago, someone else should remember what those fuckers did to innocent mothers and their children. No one in this entire world knows except for me, you, and the doctors I haven’t killed yet.” You growl with venom lacing your every word.

Soon you watch as she swiftly rises to her feet, as you do the same, “I wish you well then.” Affirms the Black Widow as you follow her lead to the door, she stands on the other side for a moment before asking, “Is there any way I could find you again?”

Leaning against the door frame, you break out into a knowing smirk as she stands waiting expectantly, “If you’re lucky, you’ll never see me again. Goodbye agent Romanoff.” And with that do you gently close the door, leaving her in the hallway with a plethora of useful information, but still nothing significantly useful on the Winter Soldier, now only time will tell if he ever happens to show up on her radar again. Hopefully not, she thinks doubtfully before turning on her heels and sauntering off down the hallway.

——

Almost two whole years had passed since last you’ve spoken to the assassin, in that time you’ve watched her speak on live television when Hydra had finally been exposed to the world and all their secrets let loose for the prying hungry eyes of the public.

Even some of your own information had been leaked, the world knew who you were now, what atrocities you’ve committed for the organization during your time with them and that you’ve been M.I.A since 2009. Now you’re on an international watchlist. Fantastic. Apparently some very important leaders of the world and other prestige family members alike aren’t very fond of yourself for murdering their adversaries or filthy rich husbands.

But it’s not like you had a choice, Hydra would always alter your memories when they shocked you into forgetting who you even were; thus you’d complete a mission and a couple days or so later would your mind stitch itself back together again the best it could from the electrical trauma. Only the killing part would be a dark and fuzzy memory, thus revealing itself to you in bits and pieces at a time. Soon everything blurred together and you just complied or face getting electrocuted multiple times a session, until your eyes remained empty and dangerous.

Considering you’ve been on the run since that information was released, in this time, you’ve tracked down past agents and doctors alike who had wronged you, considering you now had full access to their recent history. Hence increasing your body count as you went from one country to the next, making the world a tad bit lighter with their darkness whipped from existence.

Although soon enough you became unsettled with the loads of information expunged from Hydra, your mind inevitably making a one eighty back to a certain broody super soldier from your complicated past. He must be in the world somewhere, living as a secret civilian or whatnot. He has to be. And you’ve decided to find him before someone else does.

Maybe it was curiosity, or the fact that he was like you and shared a bloody history with Hydra, but your instinctual drive to find the Winter Soldier eventually drew you the beautiful city of Bucharest, Romania. Although he didn’t make finding him effortless in the slightest, after endless days hacking into network databases looking for even a snippet of information. You found a lead.

Turns out airport security footage is very useful, even more so, footage from around the city’s grant center; and from there you were able to track him to Romania. Eventually after a couple of days in the city, you were able to catch a glimpse of him at the local market place and thus followed him to his little shitty apartment without him as so much as noticing.

Once he left again, you slipped inside and began your wait for his eventual return. But will he even want to speak with you? Does he even remember you? Your memories hadn’t been continuously whipped like his were, granted you were forced into cryo more then once and electroshocked into forgetting your memories. It eventfully stopped once they realized your mind would just heal itself into remembering again, so instead they threatened you with a tracking device deep into your skin tissue that would blow up if you tried to run.

Clearly you eventually found a way around this, as terrible of a memory it gave you.

——

Looking out the window, your ears suddenly pick up the sound of boots stealthily walking down the hallway, they’re incredibly light against the tiles outside, perhaps he somehow knows you’ve been following him. A moment later the scent of a man fills your nostrils and you know he’s inside the apartment. You could barely hear the door.

He’s silent as a mouse, nothing indicating he’s even there except for his rapidly thudding heartbeat that pounds anxiously against his strong chest; you slowly turn to face him. His hat from earlier is gone, dark blue eyes stare warily on you while soft breaths emit from his slightly parted lips. He’s not afraid, but he is nervous.

Folding your arms over your chest, you take a glance around the room, “Nice place.” You confirm casually, eyes back on the Winter Soldier in a second as the corner of your lips pull into a humored half grin, “I’m not here to complete some personal Vendetta against you, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Then why are you here?” His voice is more curious then cold, maybe he can be reasoned with after all.

Taking a step forward, you shrug, “Wanted to make sure you aren’t still on their side.”

He keeps silent for a moment as you watch him watch you, “I’m done with them.” Mutters Bucky, disgust dripping off his words. That’s exactly what you wanted to hear. Progress.

“Good.” You add with the tiniest of smiles before motioning towards his little kitchen table, “Mind if we sit and talk? As, well...I guess civilians now.”

Studying your face for any indication of falseness and hostility, he’s pleasantly surprised when he finds none. Bucky takes off both of his gloves and sits, metal hand shinning in the low lighting. A threat or a precaution? Maybe he just wants it off?

You follow his example, and soon the two of you sit not even three feet away from each other. Both yourself and Bucky hold an awkward silence for a long moment as the tension in the room rises, shifting your gaze from the counter behind him, you don’t really notice as he trails his eyes over your face, “I remember you.” Reveals Bucky to your great surprise, your eyes falling onto him in an instant, “They sent us on missions together, until you left and they woke me up to kill you for it.”

Smiling, you let out a humored breath of air, “Turns out you didn’t miss me after all. I gave you a nice scar for your troubles though, you still have it?”

Bucky purses his lips into the tiniest of shadowy grins, although no real joy is shown, “It’s a thin little line across my left rib cage. Just barely reached my bone.” Yeah, and I would have if you didn’t punch me in the eye socket first, you think to yourself from when the Winter Soldier had tracked you down. But that’s a long story.

“Glad it’s healed and they didn’t have you come after me a second time. I don’t think I would have let you live again.”

He thinks hard for a second as he processes your words, “You let me live? The first time?”

“Well,” You serenely admit, “I couldn’t exactly kill you...I guess, well....I don’t really know why I didn’t kill you when I had the chance. Guess I’m not as ruthless as Hydra wanted.” You mumble with a conflicted frown, the two of you keep silent before you break the odd tension, “Doesn’t matter now. I heard about what happened in D.C. just like the rest of the world. Gotta say, I was wondering what everyone over there had been getting themselves into.”

“They leaked everything.” Mumbles Bucky with a knowing flash of insight within his dark restless eyes.

“I know.” You add with a slow nod, “I’ve been traveling more cautiously for the past year and a half now. You’d think they’d let us live in peace, of course not. But I guess it means the world knows what a piece of shit organization Hydra is. So that’s something.”

“Yes.” Agrees Bucky, eyes trailing from your fingerless gloves to your face, of course he remembers what hides beneath, “What happened to you since you left?

Fumbling with your fingers as they lay against his table, you turn you head to the window, the ghost of a smile dancing across your lips, “Surviving. You?”

He shifts his gaze back down to his metal hand as you turn to face him, “About the same I’d say.”

Leaning back against your creaky wooden chair, you hand him a small yet friendly smile, “Well then. What of us now? Two ex-assassins alone in the world. With nothing but our wit and fists to keep us afloat.” You add with a low chuckle, he doesn’t crack.

Losing your smile, the two of you keep silent as ghosts for a long moment before Bucky shifts uncomfortably in his seat, “I got some tea.” Replies the admittedly handsome man now since you have a moment to really look; the briefest hint of a grin revealing itself against his lips for only but a flash of a second. But you still see it.

Fumbling with your fingers you give him a pursed lip grin, “I like tea.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #the winter soldier x reader #the winter soldier x y/n #the winter soldier #marvel imagine #marvel x you #marvel x reader #marvel x y/n #series rewrite #bucky barnes #tfatws

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ariaadagio · 4 years

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TSSKSF Update

TSSKSF = The Super Secret Kitchen Sink Fic; it was my nickname for this thing when I didn’t have a title. The context being, my original concept for this fic was INSANE, there was so much shit going on. It was all that, and the kitchen sink. I’ve since pared down my original ambitions considerably—and subsequently came up with new ones—but I’m still looking at a 200k 250k word fic, at least. It’s plot dense.

FEEI = For Each Ecstatic Instant. The actual title! I finally thought of something that resonates with me! Yay!

No, this isn’t posted anywhere, yet. I don’t post WIPs if I can help it. This is just me chatting about my writing process and keeping you all in the loop :)

For those of you who are interested in following along, I’ve been creating a playlist for this story as I’ve written/speculated chapters (each chapter gets one song). You can listen to it here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4BCGSg4HLWvcPhadFyhywK?si=y9_WwNXRT5GWHhy-c3wcRQ. It’s moody and broody, and I’m enjoying listening to it when I’m out and about, unrelated to this story :)

Short update today. Just wanted to let you know progress continues! I’ve sent the official first draft of chapters 1-42 to my beta readers for a binge read. I’m still plugging on the ending, but I’m getting very, very close. After doing nothing but stare at my laptop all weekend, brainstorm, and type, I finished up chapters 48 and 49. Both of them made me cry in spots. Not, like, ugly crying or anything—this story ain’t Castaway—but I definitely got really worked up over a few lines, particularly one of Lucifer’s. I was totally ensconced in his POV for the sake of writing it, and BAM, the emotions just hit me like a truck. He’s such a tragic figure, sometimes. Whew.

I have about two more chapters to write. I know last update I said I had at least two more chapters to write, back when I was finishing up chapter 47, and now I’ve finished two more chapters, and I still have at least two left. The math doesn’t quite work. But them’s the breaks. Sometimes chapters procreate because it takes me a little bit longer to convey an idea than I thought it would. Chapters 48 & 49 basically blossomed from a single note, “Chloe & Lucifer talk, and then Lucifer I’m not telling you because holy frijole major spoilers.” This note was initially supposed to comprise, like, the first paragraph of introduction to the chapter I’m writing next, which is now chapter 50. Lol. They had more to say than I thought they would, I guess.

Anyway. I really am getting close. So close I can taste it. Close enough to maybe, softly, potentially, H E S I T A N T L Y suggest I might be done before the end of July if my muse keeps behaving. At which point I can finally send this thing off to my pre-readers for one last check before the final polish.

We shall see!

251,272 words currently.

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#lucifer on netflix #lucifer fanfiction #deckerstar #aria writes #tssksf #holy shit I'm almost done #like seriously #YASSS

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t0ngue-tech · 4 years

Text

Deadline | Six

“You retreated further into your seat but this only prompted Jungkook to only get closer.

‘Jungkook, I understand that y/n is your girlfriend, but can you please keep the flirting outside of my classroom?’ Your history teacher called out from his desk.

‘Sorry, teach! Couldn’t help it.’ Jungkook replied with ease.

A few of the students snickered and you easily recognized Jennie’s.

‘That was fun.’ He whispered.

↠fluff, highschoolAU, fake relationship AU↞

word count: 4.7k

↠series: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | ↞

A/N: HELLO EVERYONE IN QUARANTINE! it has been about two months since i last uploaded anything. i actually started writing two things but i got writer’s block from both of them so i decided to continue deadline and BAM i couldn’t stop writing lol. i hope you all enjoy this chapter huhuhuhu. stay safe everyone!

It had been a long and tiring week since Jungkook came over and you both were busy as ever. You promised the math team that you would attend more meetings, which you were now doing, and you had piles of homework on top of tutoring Jimin, Taehyung, and occasionally Jennie.

Jungkook, on the other hand, was doing his best to do better in all of his classes. Plus, he had been extra tired lately due to his training in the evening. He would usually take you home after school, but he was now heading home to do some homework and nap before training while you had your own after school activities.

You soon came to realize that the last time you got to properly hang out with Jungkook was when he came over to your house.

After Jungkook left, you found the confidence to truly call him a friend. He thanked you for breaking out of your comfort zone for the sake of his own selfishness and you became aware of how caring and mindful he was.

Fake relationship aside, Jungkook was a great friend and as friends, you missed hanging out with him on a daily basis. Sure, you saw him on campus and he was in your third period, but because you had things to do after school, you drove yourself to school for the past week. It couldn’t be helped.

“So, as a girlfriend, don’t you miss spending time with him?”

Your eyebrow twitched and it felt like you could snap your pen into two.

Jennie accompanied you to a coffee shop after school while she waited to pick up her sister from dance practice. You had your laptop open and a notebook laid out in front of you while Jennie had her textbook that remained untouched for the past hour and a half.

“Ugh, Jennie.” You groaned.

“Come on, y/n. It’s just a question. You even said it yourself, it’s been a while since you hung out with Jungkook.” Jennie took a long sip from her drink and fiddled with the zipper of your pencil case.

“Alright, if I was his actual girlfriend, of course I’d miss him. But we’re just friends with an unusual contract so it’s fine.” You explained.

“Just ask him to hang out with you! Friends are allowed to do that.”

“Jennie Kim. Just drop the subject and open your textbook, you said you’d at least try to study.” You reached over and tapped her closed book with your pen. “Plus, we’re both busy these days, so really, it’s fine.”

Jennie did have a point. Asking Jungkook to hang out with you as a friend shouldn’t be a problem however, it felt like you would be overstepping your boundaries.

An hour flew by of Jennie complaining, studying for five minutes and taking a fifteen minute break. She may not always be the best study buddy, but she was your favorite companion. Eventually she had to take her leave, leaving you in a cold coffee shop with much regret because you left your earphones at home.

I guess I’ll just stay for a while.

Your phone buzzed in your lap.

[4:12] jungkookie♡: How about now? Is it correct?

While studying with Jennie, you were going over Jungkook’s book report corrections via text message. Attached to his text was a photo of a newly put together paragraph with less grammatical errors.

[4:15] You: you can replace one of your commas with a semicolon. guess whereeeeee

[4:17] jungkookie♡: Alaslskslsks hint pls

You chuckled thinking about how Jungkook probably didn’t even try to look for the comma replacement on his own. Before sending him a sarcastic hint, you stared at his contact name.

It was agreed that you were both going to change each other’s contact name to something more couple-esque just in case someone happened to see their texts. The heart beside his name was something you were still getting used to.

“Y/n?”

You looked up from your phone, already recognizing the voice, and forced your face muscles to stop from frowning.

“Hm?”

Sehun stood in front of your table dressed in his varsity jacket over a white t-shirt, sweats, and his wallet and phone in one hand. The tips of his bangs were plastered against his forehead, probably sweaty after working out; you were familiar with the sight.

“Uh, um, may I sit?” He asked nervously.

You pondered over your answer and replied quietly, “sure.”

He sat down and tapped his fingers against the side of the table. You paid no mind to Sehun and continued to work on your math packet. He barely said a word for five minutes which only made you uncomfortable considering he was your ex-boyfriend and you were currently in a “relationship.”

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Sehun finally questioned.

You hummed, not even batting him an eye.

“I heard something from Jongin today and he said that Jungkook is using you.”

This statement immediately broke your concentration. You scrunched your eyebrows together, giving Sehun a what the fuck type of look.

“And why the hell did he tell you that?” You were irritated. Sehun was poking around in your business and even if you had the intention of making him jealous, using the words “using you” was a bit much.

“I—I don’t know. He heard it from Jeongyeon and Mina. They were talking about it and Jongin just passed it along to me.” Sehun brought his hands down to his lap and averted his eyes.

“So, basically, the cheerleaders were talking about this?” You waited until he nodded. “For your information, Sehun, Jungkook isn’t using me.”

“And how do you know that?” He answered rather quickly.

There was no way you could tell Sehun that you were in a fake relationship with Jungkook and it frustrated you because you knew for sure that he wasn’t using you without consent.

“Why do you even care? My relationship with Jungkook doesn’t concern you.” You had to tone down with the annoyance in your voice before it attracted any attention from other bystanders.

“I—Well,” Sehun gnawed at his bottom lip. “Jungkook and Chaeyoung broke up months ago and maybe he’s just using you to get over her. Maybe he still loves her.”

Maybe. Maybe he was right. Who knows? Jungkook could possibly still love her deep, deep, deep down and was having trouble getting over her. But you remembered that he only misses the good times, that was it.

You let out a rough sigh and rubbed the spot in between your eyebrows.

“Are you having trouble getting over me?” Sehun asked boldly.

“Don’t flatter yourself.” You quipped.

“We also only broke up months ago. After a year of being together, you really have no feelings for me anymore?”

Your jaw dropped a little. Was he serious?

“Well, if you put it that way, since you’re so concerned about Jungkook and I, do you still have feelings for me? Oh, but you did break up with me because you lost feelings.” You held your eye contact with him and waited for an answer. Despite how strong your retort was, your heartbeat was working overtime. You were grateful to be sitting down because if you were standing, you would probably wobble down onto the floor from being so nervous.

“I—”

“Huh, if it isn’t my two favorite people, y/n and Sehun.”

You snapped your attention to Jungkook who had remarkable timing. You were so engrossed in your heated conversation with Sehun that you didn’t even notice Jungkook walk in.

Startled, Sehun harshly stood up from the chair, slightly bumping into Jungkook.

“I was just leaving.” Sehun mumbled and escaped towards the register of the coffee shop.

Jungkook was dressed in an all black tracksuit and had his duffle bag slung over his shoulder. He pulled back the seat and sat down with a cheeky smile on his face.

“Hi.” He proudly greeted you.

“What brings you here?” You moved around some of your supplies to make room for Jungkook’s laptop and the printed copy of his book report.

“First of all, you didn’t reply to my text when I asked for a hint and you mentioned that you were at this coffee shop so I decided to drop by for you to check out my paper face to face.” He answered.

You took the book report and flipped it over page by page. “Mhm, and secondly?”

“Oh, I don’t know, I guess we just haven’t seen each other much besides in school. I figured you were probably suffocating from missing me too much—hey, ah!” You cut him off by reaching over to playfully smack him a couple of times with his report.

“On a serious note though,” he continued. “We really haven’t seen each other that much. Sorry about that.”

You smiled softly. “Hey, it’s not your fault. We’re both busy.”

Jungkook returned the smile and tapped away at his keyboard. “So, what kind of bullshit was Sehun saying this time?” Jungkook turned his body and captured the sight of Sehun finally leaving the coffee shop.

You blew out a breath of air not wanting to remember the frustrating conversation you had with Sehun. Since it was about your relationship, Jungkook had to know.

You explained to him that the cheerleaders stirred up the idea of Jungkook using you to get over Chaeyoung. It was pretty obvious that Chaeyoung was the starting point of that piece of information. He reacted just as you did, irritation seeping out of every pore. You then added the part where Sehun mentioned that Jungkook probably still loved Chaeyoung.

“Geez…” Jungkook hissed. “With the way she’s behaving, it’s making me feel more relieved that I broke it off with her. Even if we’re not together anymore, she’s still possessive.”

“Sorry you’re going through this.”

“I’m sorry to rope you in this.”

You both snickered, understanding that this was the grave that the two of you had dug and had no other choice but to lie in it.

“I think we should get back to our usual routine.” Jungkook suggested.

Your routine with Jungkook consisted of him picking you up from your house at around 7:15 to go to school together. Jungkook would then take you to your first period and hang out with you outside of the classroom until the first bell would ring. Lunchtime was usually spent with him, his friends, and Jennie, then third period, fourth, and the school day would be over. If you had matters to attend to after school, Jungkook would wait on campus or sit in his car until you were finished and then he would take you home. This routine was put on hold due to both of your busy schedules.

“I think you’re right. Maybe we’re starting to look more like friends than a couple these days.” You lightly chuckled and quickly skimmed through one page of Jungkook’s report. “And I also think the semi colon belongs here.”

“Where?!” He scrambled around to look where you were looking.

“Somewhere—here.” You took one of your red pens and circled the same paragraph he sent you.

Just as you playfully hit him with his papers, Jungkook grabbed your red pen and drew jagged semicolons all over your hand as you struggled to free yourself. In that moment, you felt at ease knowing things were going to go back as normal as possible.

↠↞

“The two of you look disgustingly happy today. I feel like vomiting.” Jennie shuddered and opened her bag of chips.

You turned your gaze over to the lunch line where Jungkook and Jimin were standing. Jimin was shaking Jungkook by the collar, probably begging Jungkook to accompany him to the mall tomorrow; you remembered Jungkook sighing about it at the coffee shop.

Jennie was right and you refused to vocalize it. When you walked out your front door in the morning and found Jungkook leaning against his car, waiting for you, your heart thumped inside of your chest. He acted like he normally did, teasing you about the dust of sleep that was still settled in your eyes.

There was a moment in time where you realized that the routine you had with Jungkook was now the norm and you were experiencing that same feeling all over again. It made you feel giddy, almost like a kid waking up on Christmas morning.

“I think you’re imagining it.” You dismissed the topic and pierced your juicebox with a straw.

“And I think I know you too well.” Jennie smirked and stole the first sip of your juice.

Well, she wasn’t wrong.

Third period physically suffocated you.

Your teacher had given the last half of class time to work on the history project and Jungkook sat a lot closer to you than normal. The entire class—pretty much the whole school—knew that you two were a couple, but the cheerleaders in your class constantly shot icy glares at you.

For an entire week, there was some distance between you and Jungkook and the constant stares from any of the cheerleaders began to subside until now. With the way Jungkook was acting, you knew it had to do with your “looking more like friends than a couple” comment from yesterday. Pulling off a couple’s aura was obviously a good thing, but shaking off the glares of Chaeyoung’s posse always proved rather difficult.

“Hey. Could you, I don’t know, maybe scoot over just a teensy bit?” You whispered.

Jungkook looked towards the cheerleaders who quickly turned away and then did the exact opposite of what you requested.

To sit even closer to you, he pushed his desk aside and grabbed one of the vacant chairs that sat on the outskirts of the classroom. He sat close enough to the point where both your knee and shoulder bumped against Jungkook’s own.

“I like this a bit better.” He chuckled.

Li-Like?!

You retreated further into your seat but this only prompted Jungkook to only get closer.

“Jungkook, I understand that y/n is your girlfriend, but can you please keep the flirting outside of my classroom?” Your history teacher called out from his desk.

“Sorry, teach! Couldn’t help it.” Jungkook replied with ease.

A few of the students snickered and you easily recognized Jennie’s.

“That was fun.” He whispered.

“You’re impossible!” You harshly whispered back, face flushed with embarrassment.

After that, the rest of the school day seemed to have passed by in a blur.

You had a math team meeting after school to prepare for the competition and you tried to convince Jungkook to head home so he could rest before his training, but he refused.

“It’s fine. I have my duffle bag in my trunk, so I can just drop you off home and head off to practice.” Jungkook patted the top of your head.

The two of you stood outside of the practice room and you greeted your teammates as they walked in.

“B-But, aren’t you tired? I don’t know what time I’ll finish.”

You noticed that Jungkook’s eyes were focused inside the classroom before he leaned down and gently tugged at your face towards him. There was a short moment of panic inside of you thinking that he was going to kiss you in front of your teammates.

The first and only time he kissed you was the first day your fake relationship was established and kissing you now, when you definitely weren’t ready, was too much.

“Jung—” you croaked and screwed your eyes shut.

Instead of a kiss, he bumped his forehead against yours and lightly brushed the tip of your nose with his own. He probably did this to create the illusion of you two kissing and you were confused, he never did this before.

“I’ll take a nap in my car. Just call me when you’re done so I get a heads up.” Jungkook took a quick step back before enveloping you in a hug. “Work hard. I’ll see you later.”

He left shortly after the hug, leaving you in a daze. Chanyeol had to go out and collect you because you were too shocked to move.

Did that happen just now?

↠↞

“Okay, this meeting is adjourned until next week Monday. Tomorrow is Friday, so I think we all take a break so that your weekend can start much earlier.” Chanyeol announced.

The math team cheered as if they just won the lottery. Your brain had been overcooked with math problems for the entire week and you couldn’t wait to finally relax after school.

While you were packing your bag, you scrolled through the text messages you received during the meeting.

[4:02] momomom: Thai for dinner tonight? Text me your order! I finish at 7 tonight xo

Yes! Chicken pad thai, my body is ready!

[3:40] jenniekim: Lmk if youre free after school tmrw

[3:40] jenniekim: The mall awaits us!

[3:41] jenniekim: And that outfit I showed u before also awaits u!!!!!!

You smiled to yourself.

Sigh, Jennie. You’re not going to let it go, huh?

The next cluster of messages were from Jungkook who also attached a bunch of pictures to the texts. Majority of the pictures were of the sky, his feet on the dashboard, the ceiling of his car along with his face from the eyes up, and his empty passenger seat.

[2:52] jungkookie♡: It’s the perfect day for a nap

[3:05] jungkookie♡: Okay I’m going to nap forreal this time

[3:26] jungkookie♡: Nvm turns out

[3:26] jungkookie♡: I cant sleeeeeep

He’s gonna regret not napping later.

[3:47] jungkookie♡: When youre done gotta show u a youtube vid lol funny af

[3:56] jungkookie♡: Dont forget to call me when youre on your way

“This kid.” you mumbled to yourself.

“Good work today, y/n.” Chanyeol’s voice startled you. “Oh, s-sorry!”

You brushed it off with a laugh and slipped on your backpack.

“It’s fine, Chan. I’ll see you on Monday!”

“Wa-Wait, y/n! This isn’t homework or anything, but I compiled some problems and formulas that you can study and practice with to help prepare you for the final part of the competition.” Chanyeol held out a thin packet.

You smile softly at him. “Thank you so much! I really appreciate this, Chan. I owe you one.”

Chanyeol opened his mouth and a squeak of some sort of syllable left his lips, but he shook his head. “You’re welcome. I’ll see you, y/n.”

He turned his back to you to clean up the classroom and you raised an eyebrow.

Weird.

You didn’t want to dwell on the moment any second longer. It was still a bit awkward around Chanyeol, especially because Jennie always made side comments whenever they would run into him in the hallways.

Since the meeting ended earlier than you expected, this gave Jungkook a bit more time to rest after taking you home. Knowing that he would have the time to relax made you feel satisfied. The quicker you arrived at his car, the quicker he could nap.

“Tsk. He told me to call and yet he’s not answering.” You mumbled to yourself as you picked up your pace in your steps.

Jungkook parked near the second entrance in the student parking lot and you took a shortcut behind the locker rooms and the football field to get there faster.

The sun beat down on you, but the autumn air made it much easier to bear. You noticed it on the way to school, but the weather seemed more beautiful than normal.

“—fuck did you say?!”

You didn’t realize how deep in thought you were until you heard a voice dripping in anger coming up near the boys locker room. The voice was recognizable, but you refused to believe it until you saw the owner with your own eyes.

You ran, almost tripping over your own feet as you turned the corner and found Jungkook in an altercation with none other than Sehun.

Jungkook had the collar of Sehun’s shirt balled up in his fists with Sehun’s back pressed against the wire fence. Your feet felt glued to the ground, but you knew you had to do something before things got out of hand.

“Jeon Jungkook!” Your voice pierced through the air and the two boys whipped their heads to find you trudging towards them.

You ripped Jungkook away from Sehun, dropping your phone to hold his wrists in your hands.

“What the hell are you two doing?!” You first looked to Jungkook for an answer, but his eyes weren’t meeting yours. So, you turned to Sehun and he was reacting the same way.

“Hello?!” You questioned loudly.

“We were just—” Sehun began.

“Talking. Just talking.” Jungkook completed the sentence still avoiding your eyes.

You screwed your eyes shut, blood boiling with anger.

“I’m gonna take a stab in the dark here, but since my ex boyfriend and current boyfriend were in that situation, I’m going to assume that you two were talking about me?” Neither of the boys answered you and you sighed roughly. “I’m going to take the silence as a yes.”

It had only been a day and here was Jungkook and Sehun, once again, sharing the same breathing space. Not only that, the scene you stumbled upon would have probably turned violent if you arrived a minute later.

“Oh Sehun, Jeon Jungkook, you two realize that you both are student athletes, right?” Neither of them dared to look at you. “If a teacher walked in instead of me, who knows what would’ve happened! Sehun, coach would have probably kicked you off the team and you have a match at the end of this month, Jungkook. Your coach probably wouldn’t let you compete!”

You felt as if you were scolding two kindergarteners who refused to share a toy. Unlike an elementary school teacher, you didn’t make them hug and apologize. Instead, you gave Jungkook a light push to keep them at distance. You scooped up your phone and tightened your hand around Jungkook’s.

“I don’t ever want to see the two of you making any sort of contact again and I mean it.” You threatened. “Let’s go, Jungkook. You have practice.”

You couldn’t be bothered to check on Sehun. If you showed an ounce of concern, Jungkook’s mood would probably worsen. So, the two of you marched to his car in a heavy silence.

“I’ll drive. You can cool off in the passenger seat.” You stuck your hand out for the keys, but Jungkook beat you to it and held open the passenger side door for you to get in.

“It’s fine. I’ll cool off at practice.” Jungkook said plainly.

It was weird. You were pissed off about how he would have got into a fight and if you could, you would much rather not talk to him at the moment. But you never saw Jungkook this angry before and it terrified you.

He was always so easy going; anger never seemed to be a part of his vocabulary. It made you wonder what the hell were those two idiots specifically talking about. You made an inference that the topic was you; it seemed to be the likely candidate because they were never friends to begin with. The only thing they had in common was having a relationship with you.

Maybe they talked about what Mina and Jeongyeon said?

The car ride was deafening and what made it even worse was that Jungkook had the air conditioning on and no music playing. You could feel a streak of cold sweat fall at the back of your neck.

Something. I have to say something!

“I—I understand that we’re pretending to be a couple, but you really didn’t have to take it that far.” You blurted out. “You’ve been training hard for this fight, you can’t risk it because of me, you know.”

While you spoke, it took a lot of courage for you to take a peek at Jungkook. You could see his jaw clench and his eyes remained focused on the road. His left hand held the steering wheel and his right hand gripped tightly around the gear shift.

You sighed. Ugh, no. I’m just making him feel even worse.

You almost made yourself dizzy by thinking about what to say to Jungkook. In your eyes, you didn’t seem to do anything wrong back at the school but at the moment, you were nagging at him. The last thing you wanted was for Jungkook to be angry or upset with you.

The suffocating atmosphere wasn’t getting any better. Before slumping lower into the seat, you noticed how tight Jungkook was holding the gear shift. His knuckles ghosted white from how hard he was squeezing the handle.

This made you nervous. What if Jungkook continued to stay angry and ended up hurting himself during practice from trying to “cool off”? What if he couldn’t compete?

No. No. I need to do something. Ah—um—

With trembling fingers, you reached out and peeled Jungkook’s hand off the shift. His entire arm flinched as you gently interlaced your fingers between his own and rested your held hands in your lap.

“If Sehun said something bad about me that made you angry, thank you for defending me. But I don’t want you using violence to solve anything.” Your voice was much softer and much more composed this time. “I don’t want you getting hurt because I’m going to start worrying and I can get pretty annoying when I start worrying!”

You looked over at Jungkook whose facial expression still hasn’t changed.

“Jungkook.” You sighed. “Please don’t be angry.”

Just when you thought things were going to take another wrong turn because you couldn’t stop spewing nonsense, you felt Jungkook’s hand relax in yours. He still kept his eyes on the road, but he used his thumb to gently graze your skin as you held on. Before you could ruin the mood by running your mouth, you smiled to yourself thinking you succeeded in making him relax. You used your free hand to softly draw mindless patterns on the back of his hand.

Not another word was said, but the heavy fog in the car seemed to have been lifted.

Before you knew it, Jungkook was pulling up to the curb in front of your house. You were still holding hands with him, so he had no way of putting the car in park. But he didn’t move an inch to do so.

“Jungkook?” You called out, but there was no reaction. “Jeon Jungkook!” This time, you shook your hand and it woke him up out of his daze.

“Huh?”

“I’m home.”

“O—Oh! Sorry.” He retracted his hand back and finally put his car in park.

“It’s fine.” You snickered. “Um, get some rest okay? Don’t get hurt during practice.”

You shuffled around and gathered your things to exit as quickly as possible.

“Y—Y/n..!” Jungkook tugged at your sleeve just before you could open the door. “Uh, I—I—I’ll...do my best tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The crack in his voice startled you. It wasn’t like Jungkook to sound or look this flustered. It was quite the sight to see, but you were getting nervous all over again.

“Yeah. Drive safe.” You replied and finally made your escape. You wanted to run into your house right away, but your compulsion to turn back around weighed heavier. So, when you reached your front door, you did just that.

You saw Jungkook already looking at you, so you waved. For the first time since he dropped you off at your math team meeting, he smiled at you. He then waved back and drove out of your street.

It seemed to take forever to get your front door open and once you did, you plopped yourself down on your couch. You shut your eyes and your head spun as you looked back on the events that took place.

The angered expression Jungkook had when he was with Sehun continued to pop into your head. As well as the way Jungkook held your hand and affectionately grazed your skin with his thumb.

Your cheeks flared up.

Geez, what a day.

♡ rae jagi

#bts #bangtan boys #bts scenarios #jungkook #jungkook scenarios #bts fluff #jungkook fluff #high school au #fake relationship au #hi hello #babykookie #deadline #rae writes

47 notes · View notes

the-voice-of-hell · 3 years

Text

Rent is Theft, part 26, The End

Read from the beginning here, read the previous chapter here. Note: My MC is a Filipina trans woman and I am not. If you have notes on that or anything else, hit me up.

***

This is pretty spoilery from the first paragraph, so...

I went to the kids’s apartment and assessed the damage. Olivia and Knobby had Deandre in the bedroom and used a bandana to tourniquet his leg. I let them know the pig was dead and checked out Mike’s body.

He still looked so alive, I dragged a blanket over him and made some half-assed sign of the cross. By then, Momi was bringing Patrick and Perry into the room, and Olivia was standing in the bedroom door to let Deandre hear any happenings without moving him. Marcie and Richie showed up at the door.

Speech time. “Alright, this is over.” My energy started out confident, but suddenly choked. I had been going on adrenaline from the fight, maybe, but mid-sentence I realized I had welcomed all these nice people into Hell.

I killed Mike. I wobbled on my legs, standing over that body, eyes searching my people - my victims. “We need to get the hell out of here before it gets any worse. I am so sorry I brought you into this.”

“Bitch shut the hell up.” Perry tried to walk away, and Patrick snagged his hand.

I threw up my hands. Yeah. I’m done.

Marcie said, “Alright, we should go. Get anything you need and just go. Does anybody need help with anything? I can’t do much, but maybe we can help each other one more time before...” She seemed to finally make sense of the lump on the ground behind me and pressed her face into Richie’s arm.

Deandre yelped in pain, dragging himself into the room, grunting in agony with each step. He leaned on Knobby. “It was worth a shot. A couple months no rent, I coulda ended up this fucked up just out there on the street.”

Patrick said, “Yeah, well, I got nothin’ nice to say, so… Let’s just get the fuck out, huh?”

Momi held me close. I thought of something and looked around for an answer. “Grime. Does anyone have a phone?”

“I don’t think ours are gonna work,” Knobby said. “The chargers melted, like...”

Deandre said, “I put mines in the freezer. Somebody wanna grab it for me?” Knobby hurried away.

Olivia came over to Momi and me, a scrawny cat in baggy underwear and tank top. She wrapped her arms around us. “Thanks mom.”

I stifled tears, then my heart skipped a beat when I heard a distant pop. A pop followed by a sound of glass breaking, and a mess spreading over the hall carpet. Another pop.

Knobby came back in a hurry, gave Deandre the phone. “It’s fuckin’ raining eyeballs in the halls, guys. Is that bad? It feels bad.”

Deandre got Grime. “Dude. Don’t come back. The place is all fucked up. Just forget it… I don’t know! It’s bad. I’m goin’ to the hospital bad.”

Patrick shushed him, shushed all of us. Olivia let go of the group hug and bent her big ears.

The elevator doors were opening.

We were all so quiet we could hear Grime on the phone say, “How’s Courtney?”

Then his words were lost under the sound of footsteps and bouncing balls, of some unknown horde spilling into the hall, marching in irregular time.

Perry started to panic, tried to run away, but Patrick wrapped arms around him again. “Hey man, put your hands up! We gotta put our hands up! There are bodies, man!” He stepped away from his man and put his own hands up, nodded. Perry slowly unfurled himself and complied, fell in beside Patrick, both looking toward the door in terror.

Deandre hung up the phone and flopped into the bedroom, out of sight. Olivia joined him in there, followed by Marcie and Richie.

I thought about who was out in the hall. Who was out in the hall? Was it cops? What would they think of the bug man’s corpse? Momi tried to drag me toward the room, then gave up and put her hands up.

They stood in the door. Behind them I could see Charlie’s greasy head. “There they are!”

He was marching with creatures in grey trenchcoats. Giant cicadas? They pulled human-like hands from their pockets, loose eyeballs falling out and rolling on the carpets. They quickly filed into the room to stand,each transfixing a single finger on a different one of us.

Perry backed up, trembling violently, shaking his head. Patrick stepped between him and the accusing finger. “No! Fuck this shit! Back OFF!”

The things were unmoved. Charlie came into the room as more filed in from behind.

“ProperCo stands for quality service, and that means keeping paying customers safe from trespassers. You degenerates sicken me. Take them out!”

The last cicadas started trying bedroom doors. They opened one, then as they approached the one with Deandre and the kids, Momi ran to block them. “Hey!,” she yelled. The one pointing at her wheeled in place, keeping its accusing finger trained on her, but not moving.

I’d been paralyzed, but apparently it was go time. I started moving, but was still in the grip. I managed one step Momi’s direction. No, baby.

One got its hand on the doorknob, and she bashed it aside with both arms. I’d seen enough bizarre things today, but this still surprised me. The thing seemed to break apart at the joints, collapsing like bowling pins inside its coat.

Momi looked surprised too, but didn’t have much time to react. The remaining creatures didn’t even pause at the destruction of their comrade, another rushing to take the place of the one she demolished. She was too close for a proper punch so she bumped it back a step with her body and then kicked it in the middle.

Like the first, it fell to pieces. The trenchcoat spilled its contents - more of those eyeballs, a creepy fluid like tobacco spit, and the gleaming oil-colored segments of the creature. Some of the limbs had a comb-like fringe of sharp black spines.

She kicked the pieces away and looked to me, ready for the next. I grabbed the arm of the one pointing at me and immediately had to let go, fingers bleeding. It stopped pointing and raised its hands to grab me. But as swift as they were filing in, they were oddly slow. I shoved it back with two fists to the chest. It felt fragile - no more sturdy than a cheap kitchen appliance.

Over its shoulder I could see Patrick going to town on them, encouraged by Momi’s success. I yelled to him, “Watch for the spines!”

“HahaHA! Take that!”

It was an empowering moment. We kicked, shoved, and stomped the things apart. But more kept coming. What the fuck was this? What were we supposed to do? I got to Momi, almost tripping a trenchcoat scrap tangled on my foot.

“Let’s get everyone to the elevator or the stairs!”

“OK!” She whipped the bedroom door open and gestured for everyone to come out. One by one they came out into the unreal scene of weird horrors and had to deal with it. I could hardly keep up with dismantling the cicadas and looking at my people. I wished I could see how Marcie was doing. Leimomi was the best able to carry Deandre and was taking care of that, at least.

“Call me a fuckin’ degenerate?” Patrick was attacking Charlie with a severed bug limb, wielding the thing like a scimitar. Through the frantic scene I saw his expression change as blood splashed over it. He sucked in his lips in regret and horror. Didn’t know it would be that sharp.

I think Charlie was one of the things I almost tripped over on my way into the hall, bringing up the rear. Deandre and Momi were closest to me. Deandre was glancing back into the room just as we escaped and his eyes widened in shock. “Mike!”

“I know!” I knew it was my fault.

“He’s still alive!”

I heard Marcie’s voice from up ahead, “Mikey! Oh god!”

Momi stopped in her tracks. Our group was jammed up in the hall, fighting cicada men for every inch of ground as more and more spilled out of the stairwell. The elevator door was closed, which may have been a good sign.

“Momi, pass Deandre up the line, call the elevator!”

She looked like she didn’t know if that would all be possible, but at least hit the call button while she could. I didn’t stick around to see how she handled Deandre. If Mike really was alive, he probably wouldn’t survive being moved - not like this - but I had to try.

The mindless creatures were focused on the crowd of us, so they had mostly abandoned the room. In the riot of action I had been unable to see the consequences of this melee. The grey light revealed a ruined world. The ground was completely covered with spiny black corpses tangled with rough grey cloth and filthy brown viscera. Peppered throughout were those fucking eyeballs. Charlie’s corpse was little more than a bump underneath the mass of insect limbs. The furniture was all flipped or smashed, every surface blistered from the heat treatment, and the air still hazy with that smoke.

There were two dark figures inching toward Mike. He was alive, legs paralyzed and tangled in the blanket, reaching out to me in terror. “Courtney oh man… Oh god!”

“I know!” I charged through the waste, kicking up chunks of chitin that had the weight of vacuum attachments or celery stalks. The mess thinned out closer to the windows, and closer to him. I charged up on the monsters, did the double-fisted punch to one’s back.

It was as effective as before - the thing’s torso ripped almost completely free of its limbs, surging out of the coat for a moment before toppling to the floor. The other one got to mike and reached down to his face like a priest.

I could see myself doing a jump kick, busting it apart like Jean Claude Van Damme. A little hustle, a hop, and bam. But the vision betrayed me. My feet snagged in the remains of the creature I’d just smashed, and I fell down hard. The spiny limbs ripped right into me, slicing my stomach and left arm.

My face bounced off the floor, stars everywhere. I was picked up, somebody strong, soft, sweaty. Momi was dragging Mike and I over the mess. I started catching cuts again. Was I in shock? I was aware of the ragged state of my arm, of the flesh around my belly wound swelling and burning, but the pain seemed remote. I could see Mike beside me, goggle-eyed and looking like a sausage with sweat beading on his discolored, purple-pink skin.

Ow! Too much. I hauled myself to my feet, all my injuries starting to throb and scream at the same time. “I’m good, I’m...” The end of the hall with the stairs was walled off with a teeming ruin of chitin and fabric. Busy mindless teeming hands worked from the other side to clear the mess while Richie pressed a door against it like a shield and Marcie leapt up to smack the reaching creatures.

Ding! The elevator reached the floor and the doors opened, just Momi, Mike, and I facing it. As the metal rolled back, we could see the cicada men arrayed in right rows, like black metal machine guns in a rack.

There was only one door to get away from them - a place with no exits, no escape. We all crowded into my apartment, Richie closing and locking the door behind us, snapping off bits of bug extremities as he did. A scattering of eyeballs had made it through and rolled across the floor like it was a big pool table. Marcie aggressively crushed the things.

Richie kept his palms on the door. “They are sooo gonna get in.” He turned around, pressing his back against it. “What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?”

I was leaning against my bedroom door frame again, no Mae West now. I felt cold while my wounds felt hot, the blood already thickening to warm glue, gobbing inside my robe.

Leimomi was holding Mike close like lovers in a waltz. His toes scraped the ground. Probably he was already dead. Her hair was sad dregs of what it used to be.

Olivia and Knobby helped Deandre sit on a couch and settled in beside him, exhausted and unsure.

Patrick held Perry close as the taller older man looked away from us pointedly, head sunk. Patrick looked shell-shocked.

Marcie yelped, “Richie!”

Richie turned around, planting palms on the door again, and saw what she was freaking about. The doors hinges were coming unscrewed, amid a furious buzzing in the hall.

Patrick said, “What now, woman?”

I turned away, walked into my bedroom, looked at the haze and the blisters, the pathetic remnants of my nest. A glob of blood sucked free from my stomach and splashed on the floor. I looked down at it curiously. The ground puckered and warped like a black hole’s event horizon. I felt like I was falling into it.

No, I caught myself. I was just staggering from the blood loss.

“What now, woman?”

Momi defended me, “Shut up, dude.”

I became aware of people coming into the room behind me, but I just looked around, ahead of me. The window. We could go out the window. I took a few halting steps that way, then more toward the closet. It looked cozy in there. Dark. Yeah, hide, lay low until this blows over. Why not?

The sound of the door flying off the hinges. Insect feet tapping their march, like goose stepping on chipmunk RPMs. I glimpsed Richie and Marcie moving toward the bathroom, but I got their attention.

“Hey! Follow me, guys. I got this. We got this.”

Momi closed in beside me, Patrick pulled Perry behind me, Deandre and kids were back there somewhere too. I walked into the closet on floating steps, pushed my way in with a blood soaked left hand. Ran it along the wall. I knew everyone was behind me, pushed in by the crush of insect men. I couldn’t see, could only feel the blood and the darkness, warm ahead of us.

I led them into that place.

***

Graeme Wexell tried his prox key on the alley side door of the building. It didn’t work. Considering what that most likely meant, he quickly walked away, circled the block.

He put in both earbuds and tried Courtney’s phone again, then Deandre’s, then Patrick’s, then Deandre’s again. Having circled the block with no response, he leaned on the fence dividing the apartment’s alley from the next property, looked the building up and down impatiently. It was maddeningly opaque, reflecting the overcast early morning light all too perfectly.

He needed a better angle to stake it out without being clocked. If the floories were perp walked out, he’d know to go look for them at a police station. If they came out any other way, he could talk to them, find out what happened. He could not bring himself to give up the watch.

Casting about for a solution, he hit on something a little desperate, perhaps equally risky. Clearly, not thinking clearly. He went into the alley on the other side of the fence, which was adjacent to an older building with a disused fire escape.

He rolled a dumpster under the thing, heaved himself up on top, and carefully leapt to the bottom rung. He hadn’t climbed anything in years, but had a sort of natural strength that helped overcome his lack of athleticism. It was still an effort he’d be feeling the next day, but he got to the lowest level of the fire escape.

Due to the narrow old bars, he’d be poorly visible from the street but still able to see the next alley over the fence just fine. He slouched low to avoid notice, stared intently. Minutes passed before he started trying to call people again, to no avail.

The morning clouds burned away into a relatively blue sky, his lack of sleep and the strain of his exertion and stress and hunger threatened to take him under. He felt like he was going insane, like he’d just die on that rusty old rack, get discovered months later by some Law & Order styled policemen who’d crack wise about his cargo shorts.

It was the worst experience of his whole excursion into revolutionary anti-capitalist action. But at 9:43 AM, his patience was rewarded with a revelation.

The back door of the apartments opened and three bizarre dark creatures in trenchcoats filed out, so smoothly and eerily that it seemed the three were unfolding from one. One held the door and the other two flanked the opening like guard statues. His heart vibrated in time with their uncanny movements. The blood left his head in a rush. He almost fainted, but instead gripped the steel bars with sweaty white-knuckled fists.

More of the creatures filed out into the broad daylight. No fear of discovery? No one seemed to look into the alley, take notice. Christ, what sorts of things happen in this world, if this is possible? The next set were dragging the blood-drenched corpse of landlord Charlie. They hauled him to the trash compactor and tried to heave him inside.

But they were too weak. They used spiny extra limbs from within their coats to start snipping him to pieces, throwing each part in the dumpster like so much meat, leaving blood and chunks all over the area. They took something from what was left of his clothes and came back toward the door. Meanwhile, another two had gone out to the sidewalk, grabbing a random lady off the street and dragging her toward the building.

Graeme wanted to move, to save her, but she wasn’t resisting. Had they instantly killed her with some sort of venom? His mind just kept melting, slipping through the bars with his sweat.

The things circled, dipping and weaving with robot efficiency. One put the item from Charlie into her pocket, the others scissored away her jacket and shirt with arm spines, before slipping a corporate polo shirt over her head and shoulders.

They filed back inside like dancers on a cuckoo clock, closing the door behind themselves and leaving the woman dazed, standing. She took the item out of her pocket. Keys. She used the prox key to open the back door and disappeared inside.

Graeme stayed in a hotel for a few weeks before transferring to a different job in Texas. He never returned to Seattle.

***

The tall shining Myrmidon Apartments were clean and new - barely used. People came in to check out the rooms, see if there was anything they could afford, sometimes just for a glimpse at a life they’d never achieve. One such man had come in on that day, looked out the window into the void of sky while the manager blathered through the sales pitch in the background. Room 1203.

He put his fingers to the glass and leaned his head closer. He could imagine passing through the membrane, losing his mind, another fish in a sea of sky. The manager took mental note to hit the spot with Windex after he was gone.

The manager’s phone rang. “Just a moment, let me...”

“Mm-hm.” The man walked into another room - the bedroom - all antiseptically squared away in its stock furnishings and plastic plants.

He heard a noise in the closet and came near, brow wrinkling in fear. An animal?

No. The door opened from within. I stood there, a vision in black gossamer and jewels. He fell over the bed, then quickly scrambled to his feet.

“I’m Courtney,” I told him from the mouth on my face. "You can go if you want, get on a waiting list for roach and bed bug infested low income housing, or try to get by with more than four hours of commuting every day while your rent rises faster than your pay. You can do anything."

"I can’t afford this. How did you know?"

"You're right, this place is a monument to automatized, mindless, bottomless greed. It can never be a home, can only rob you blind and spit you out… But there is somewhere you can go that won't cost you anything, I swear to god."

The walls nearest me began to swell red and suppurate with ill fluids. In the next room, the manager started talking to him again. “Alright, Mr. Coral, where were we?” Footsteps approaching. The bed started to twist in place on the inflamed flesh of the floor.

He looked at me, lost. “What do I do? What is this?”

I beckoned, arms pulling him with invisible power, a siren with skin of turquoise and lavendar. He staggered toward me.

“It won’t cost you anything,” I told him from the mouth on my throat. “All you have to do is come with me. All you have to do is disappear.”

THE END

#Rent is Theft #part 26 #The End #nanowrimo july 2021

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hoidthevoid · 6 years

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part one, chapters 1-9

ha how cool is it that the semi-sacred number (10) is how many major servants that Odium has (the nine Unmade & his Champion in black Shardplate that Dalinar sees)

also how FRICKIN COOL is it that GOLD is the main color of the enemy?? like, finally, it’s not just black. Odium has a pretty neat color scheme, tbh--gold and really dark purple and red? sweeeet.

i like how every time Dalinar sees Navani for the first time in a chapter he goes on this mini-rant for about a paragraph about how beautiful she is

haha i remember the first time i was reading the part about the Oathgate mechanisms & how they have to be unlocked from both sides--a Radiant has to go to the Oathgate before they can use it--and thinking ‘wow that sounds a lot like the lego video games’

actually that’d be really cool. frick now i want a lego stormlight archive video game

"somehow we’ll make them listen, even if they’ve got their fingers planted firmly in their ears. makes one wonder how they manage it, with their heads rammed up their own backsides” wow, Navani.... it’s a real mystery where Jasnah got her quick, sharp tongue from

there Dalinar goes on another rant about how much he loves Navani. what a sweetheart

man all that buildup throughout with everybody looking for Sadeas’s murderer and then Adolin just goes ‘hey dad i killed him’ at the end like it’s nbd

also i love that juxtaposition between chapters. ‘sadeas has been murdered!’/immediate cut to Adolin’s viewpoint

detective dalinar, on the case

daily reminder that i love Palona

wow humankind really is a disease on Roshar.... the Desolations come and try to wipe them out but they just keep coming back. i guess that’s also true of an immune system, too, though. i know very little about medicine

highprince “i’m not like those other highprinces anymore” aladar

thank u for gasping dramatically, Kalami, you really contributed to the feeling of the moment in a way nobody else was brave enough to

all riiiight flashback chapter!

wow young Dalinar was a pretentious little prick wasn’t he

albeit a pretentious deadly little prick, covered in blood. all the same

“spare the life of my brightlord, the heir” “uhhh.......... whoops”

this is gonna sound... really bad.... but honestly? Blackthorn Dalinar is.... i like him. he makes bad decisions and has little to no self control whatsoever and all that but he’s got a very likable personality as long as he stays in the book & away from me

on the other hand, Sadeas has always been a dick and i hate him

shotgun wedding, whoohoo!

it’s kind of odd to me that Shallan hasn’t spoken at all in the scenes she’s been in for so long, but i guess that’s just bc of the circumstances & the company

tbh Elhokar’s survived so many assassination attempts that it was an actual shock when That Thing happens later. that was bad. but we’re at a wedding now& he’s still alive so i’m not gonna think about that

“i’m sorry, son” “i know, uncle” yeesh

i’m still having difficulty picturing a face stretching to both horizons. it’s not working for me

oh yeah y’all should probably get used to reading the words “i love Adolin Kholin” bc.... i really do. i love him so much

“i can point to the moment when i decided for certain this record had to be written. i hung between realms, seeing into Shadesmar--the realm of the spren--and beyond.”

dalinar, creating Honor’s Perpendicularity: wow storms i gotta write this down

kaladin that’s a weirdexpletive similie. ‘a baby with no face’ is the first thing you think of that’s unnatural?

aw i love Syl’s little umbrella. it’s completely pointless but it’s so cute

he’s so tall, and handsome as heck/he’s back home and let’s be real he is a wreck

no seriously Kaladin is So Tall. and so judgmental rn my goodness. ‘that cap is a diSGRACE’

THERE IT IS... LIRIN RECOGNIZED HIM...... kaladin casually shoves this guy charging at him out of the way i lvoe that... REUNION!! M Y LITTLE BOY

excuse me syl what’s this voice singing to you

“what’d you do? hit a lighteyes?” “yep” BAM

i live for accurate descriptions of good punches. he’s so satisfied w himself too. such a perfect punch

i’m very proud of u kaladin that was very mature of you to realize that ur better than that. all the same i’m also very glad you punched him

it’s interesting that Kaladin can feel his eyes change color. wonder what that feels like

casually namedrops the king w/o a title. iconic

“i am an elegant and graceful weapon, stupid.”

mmmmm i’m having a little bit of a hard time buying Laral’s development but ok i guess

he calls Urithiru home more readily than he calls Hearthstone home and that makes me all kinds of emotional

ORODEEEENNNNN

“it made my eyes make my brain think it forgot to wake up” is an excellent description of surrealism good job brandon

shallan honey you’ve gotta realize that almost nobody sees things exactly the way you do. ily but you can be pretentious and close-minded as frick

Dalinar keeps using the word ‘bastion’ and it’s very distracting bc i keep thinking about the Overwatch post from a couple months ago. he’d probably be a reinhardt main tho (fighting/life is about momentum and crushing the enemy. and c’mon, the armor and the hammer?)

ha first time i read this (”brightlord, sir, there’s been another murder”) i metaphorically looked directly at adolin and said ‘what did you do’

#the void screams back #the void liveblogs #Oathbringer #Oathbringer spoilers #/#Stormlight Archives #Cosmere

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rhetoricandlogic · 7 years

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The Underground Railroad - Colson Whitehead

EDITOR’S NOTE: Colson Whitehead’s novel The Underground Railroad won the Pulitzer Prize for fiction on Monday. Below is Jay Nordlinger’s review of the book from the October 10, 2016, issue of National Review.

Colson Whitehead is an American novelist, born in 1969. He is one of the most praised and honored writers in the country. He has won a Guggenheim Fellowship, a MacArthur “genius grant,” etc. His latest novel been hailed in the Boston Globe as a “fully realized masterpiece.” President Obama announced that it was on his reading list. Oprah Winfrey picked it for her book club — which can mean a bonanza.

(I never thought Al Franken was funny, before or after he was elected to the Senate, but I did smile on reading about the dedication of one of his books: “For Oprah.”)

The New York Times published a lengthy excerpt of Whitehead’s novel. And reviewers’ copies came with an extraordinary letter, serving as the very first page of the book. The letter was from the editor in chief of Doubleday, who spoke of the book in near-historic terms. “To bring novels like this into the world is the reason we all chose this maddening profession.” UP NEXT UP NEXT In Political Skirmishes, Where are the Police? 00:43 00:54 Powered by Colson Whitehead is a beloved African-American writer who has now penned a sweeping novel of slavery. He is, in a sense, beyond criticism: a Morgan Freeman of letters. Yet he is a man, not a totem, and I bet he appreciates being treated as such.

This novel, The Underground Railroad, is touched with greatness. It is also touched with okayness. It is an uneven book, with marvelous passages and un-marvelous ones. There are home runs and whiffs. I think of musicians who are brilliant one night and off the next. Other musicians are neither brilliant nor off, ever.

Whitehead’s book is most successful when it tells its story. It is least successful, I think, when it teaches and preaches — like a social-studies teacher, being sure that you recognize America’s massive sins. Also, I think some of Whitehead’s moral and historical judgments are wrong. But I remember that it’s his book, not mine or yours.

The Underground Railroad is the story of a young woman, a slave named Cora, who runs away from a plantation in Georgia. The story begins with her grandmother, Ajarry, who has been snatched from Africa. “Two yellow-haired sailors rowed Ajarry out to the ship, humming. White skin like bone.” Before long, her captors rape her. She twice tries to kill herself, “once by denying herself food and then again by drowning.” Telling his story of slavery, Whitehead uses the language of the time, and it can take some getting used to: “buck,” “pickaninny,” and, of course, the worst word of all, “nigger.” Children in slavery are relatively carefree, for a short time. Then they have the joy ground out of them, as Whitehead says. “One day a pickaninny was happy and the next the light was gone from them; in between they had been introduced to a new reality of bondage.” (Whitehead uses pronouns in a modern fashion.)

Let me give you one of the most beautiful, and striking, sentences in the whole book. It’s about a freedwoman who “was meticulous in her posture, a walking spear, in the manner of those who’d been made to bend and will bend no more.”

In slavery stories, I find, as in Holocaust and other stories, all you need to do is tell it — without gilding the lily. The subject matter, and the attendant events, are horrible enough. Whitehead has one matter-of-fact statement that is a real stunner: “Lucy and Titania never spoke, the former because she chose not to, and the latter because her tongue had been hacked out by a previous owner.” I was stopped by another sentence too — one that explains that two dogs “had been beloved by all, man and nigger alike, even if they couldn’t keep away from the chickens.” In my ear, this echoes Twain (“We blowed out a cylinder-head.” “Good gracious! anybody hurt?” “No’m. Killed a nigger.” “Well, it’s lucky; because sometimes people do get hurt”).

On the plantation, there is non-stop sadism. One day, white people assemble for a picnic. The entertainment, to accompany their eating, is the sight of a black man being tortured to death. Ultimately, he is doused with oil and roasted. Whitehead writes, “The southern white man was spat from the loins of the devil and there was no way to forecast his next evil act.” By the way, the Underground Railroad, in The Underground Railroad, is not a metaphor.

In due course, Cora makes a run for it, together with a fellow slave. For a while, the novel becomes a thriller. The runaways are chased by the evilest slave-catcher of all, Ridgeway, who, to add insult to injury, has a philosophy: “the American Imperative.” It is the American Imperative, he says, to kill, steal, enslave, and destroy. By the way, the Underground Railroad, in The Underground Railroad, is not a metaphor. It is literal: a network of subterranean tracks, complete with choo-choos, engineers, and so forth. There is such fancy in this novel (a novel being a good place for fancy).

In South Carolina, the runaways have a respite, doing honorable work among decent white people — or decent-seeming. Actually, the whites are subjecting blacks to eugenics — well before Margaret Sanger. They are also injecting them with syphilis — well before the Tuskegee Experiment. It is in South Carolina, I think, that the narrative grinds to a halt, or at least slows considerably. The author takes to teaching and preaching. He is the social-studies teacher, with one didactic paragraph after another. The evil that Americans did to the Red Man, for example. (In point of fact, some evil ran both ways.) Can’t Whitehead assume that people know this? I was reminded of the sitcoms I grew up on in the 1970s and ’80s, not all of them produced by Norman Lear: always making sure that social points were driven home, in purse-lipped ways.

As a rule, teaching in a novel should be accidental, I think, not bluntly striven for.

Whitehead depicts black people strung up in trees, for miles and miles, as far as the eye can see. He dubs this “the Freedom Trail” — thus pouring irony and scorn on the real Freedom Trail, that path in Boston which leads a traveler past hallowed Revolutionary sites.

In North Carolina, an Irish maid rats out her employers, Martin and Ethel, who have been harboring a fugitive slave (Cora). In explanation, she tells her friends, “A girl’s got to look after her interests if she’s going to get ahead in this country.” Is that the maid talking or Whitehead? I think Whitehead, really, more than his character.

Earlier, I spoke of moral judgments — and my disagreement with the author. He mocks Ethel for her girlhood desire to serve as a missionary in Africa. Fair enough. Whitehead uses religion as a foil in this book. Again, fair enough. But he mocks the woman after she has been lynched — stoned to death — by a white mob. Is the mocking really necessary, at this point? In the margin of the page, I wrote, “Heartless.”

Worse, Whitehead equates the white man who wants to rape the slave with the white man who wants to help her — because they both act from selfish purposes, wanting satisfaction. To Whitehead’s style, or modus operandi, I had this objection: Momentous events happen too abruptly, even nonchalantly.

This book has a point of view, maybe even an agenda: America the misbegotten and irredeemable. The country was built by slaves, with no one else contributing a lick. A hero of the book — probably a spokesman for the author — says, “This nation shouldn’t exist, if there is any justice in the world, for its foundations are murder, theft, and cruelty. Yet here we are.”

In the closing two pages, there is a suggestion of the parable of the Good Samaritan. Cora is by the side of the road, badly in need of help. A white couple passes her by (like the priest in the parable). Then comes a young man with red hair and blue eyes. He asks (unlike the Levite) whether the stranger needs help. She shakes her head no, and he moves on. Finally comes the Samaritan, so to speak: “an older negro man,” whose eyes are kind.

I think back to the opening chapters on slavery — the capture of Ajarry, Cora’s grandmother; Cora’s life on the Georgia plantation. One effect they had on me was to make me wonder, What would I do, if I were enslaved? How much would I comply? How much would I rebel? How much would I risk? Would I run? No one can know the answers, I think. We are lucky enough not to be slaves.

To Whitehead’s style, or modus operandi, I had this objection: Momentous events happen too abruptly, even nonchalantly. The discovery of a long-hidden fugitive, for example. It’s wham, bam, thank you, ma’am. We need a little . . . space, somehow.

Also, you know how, in horror movies and other movies, the good guys leave the bad guy alive, instead of killing him off when they have the chance? And you’re screaming, “Don’t leave him alive, he’ll come back!”? The same kind of thing is liable to happen in novels. The calamitous return of the un-killed-off bad guy is a cliché.

I have spoken of one dragging part of The Underground Railroad, and there are others. But, on the whole, the book kept me turning pages. I wanted to find out what happened next. I turned fast, straight through to the end. This may seem like faint praise, especially in light of the treatment that this novel has been accorded. But it is not. Not in my book.

Read more at: http://www.nationalreview.com/article/446644/colson-whiteheads-underground-railroad-mixes-greatness-moral-judgment

#Colson Whitehead #Underground Railroad #mahreviews

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lestkarrkingofeurope · 7 years

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(BELATED) MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!

NOW THAT’S OUT OF THE WAY, LET’S FINALLY GET STARTED TO:

LESTKARRKINGOFEUROPE’S NEW YEARS FOLLOW FOREVER!!!

I ACTUALLY DREW THIS LAST NIGHT JUST BEFORE MIDNIGHT WHEN IT HIT 2017 SO WHATEVER AND I’M POSTING IT NOW SO IT’LL BE ON TOP AFTER I POST THE NEW CHAPTERS SO EVERYONE CAN SEE IT YEAH YEAH YEAH LET’S GOOOOO WITH THIS LONG LIST I HAVE PREPARED

@krullish - || OH MAN MANDY OKAY I KNOW I WROTE A LONG PARAGRAPH ABOUT YOU IN MY PREVIOUS TAG FOR THE MILESTONE BUT MAN I CAN’T HELP IT TAGGING YOU AGAIN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH???? I’M GRATEFUL THAT YOU’RE MY FRIEND AND YOU’VE STUCK WITH ME NEARLY A YEAR (OR HAS IT ALREADY BEEN A YEAR??? WHO KNOWS) BUT MAN WE’VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH TOGETHER, LIKE ACTUALLY MEETING UP FACE TO FACE AT ANIME EXPO 2015 THEN HANGING OUT AT ANIME CALIFORNIA THEN JUST DJSGHSKLJGHDF A LOT OF STUFF HAPPENING AND GOING ON!! I’M HONESTLY SO GRATEFUL AND REALLY THANKFUL YOU’RE HERE AS MY FRIEND AND STILL GOING ON AHAHAHAHA I LOVE YOUR MUSES AND JUST YOU IN GENERAL HOW GREAT OF A PERSON YOU ARE! THERE’S SO MUCH MORE I WANTED TO SAY TO YOU BUT AS I WAS TYPING THINGS SLIP MY MIND BC EVERYTHING IS IN A JUMBLE AND I’M JUST TRYING TO TYPE DOWN AS FAST AS I COULD ALL THE THOUGHTS AND THINGS I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT YOU BUT I CAN NEVER TYPE FAST ENOUGH TO SAY IT I’M SORRY DDDD: BUT OTHER THAN THAT BELATED MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEARS MANDY! <33333

@thedarkmattergod - || YOU FRIGGIN SINNER-- OKAY NOT SINNER BUT MAN I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY ABOUT YOU??? WE HAVE JUST BARELY INTERACTED BUT MAN YOU’RE SUCH A GREAT PERSON IN MY LIFE???? I LOVE HOW YOU JUST APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE IN THE IM JUST TO TALK AND WE JUST GO OFF ABOUT THE MOST RANDOM THINGS THEN COMPARING KAKINE AND LEST THEN TALKING ABOUT THE ANIME INDEX AND JUST SO MUCH STUFF WHY DO WE DO THIS LOLOLOL AND MOST OF THE TIME WE’RE JUST SHOUTING “FIGHT ME” THEN DOING JACK SHIT TO EACH OTHER LOLOLOL BUT WOW YOU’RE A GREAT PERSON HONESTLY PLEASE NEVER DISAPPEAR AND YOU DESERVE MORE LOVE FOR YOUR BLOG AND MUSE BC HONESTLY YOUR PORTRAYAL OF KAKINE IS GREAT /SLAPS SELF

@lordgeales - || I KEEP TAGGING YOU BUT I CAN’T HELP IT BC HONESTLY HOLY SHIT YOU’RE AMAZING-- I KNOW I ALREADY SAID THIS WHEN I LAST TAGGED YOU IN THE MILESTONE POST BUT MAN I’M SO HAPPY THAT WE DRAW TOGETHER JUST FOR AUS BETWEEN LEST AND URD IN THE YOI WORLD AHAHAHAHA I MISS DOING THAT I NEED TO GET BACK INTO THE SWING OF THINGS-- AND NOT ONLY THAT BUT HONEST TO GOD ALPHA YOUR URD IS SO PERFECT LIKE WHAT THE HECK AND WHENEVER HE MENTIONS SOMETHING ABOUT LEST I JUST POP IN OUT OF NOWHERE LIKE “I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED” LOLOLOLOL SORRY THAT I SEEM TO RAMBLE ON TOO MUCH OR BE AWAY FROM MY BLOG FOR A LONG WHILE WHEN YOU DO STUFF THAT INCLUDES MY LEST JDHSFKGJDLJFDSHGLKDFJ I’M JUST A REALLY AWFUL PERSON WHO’S TOO INVESTED INTO GAMING SO I HOPE THAT YOU FORGIVE ME DDDDD: I LOVE YOU DON’T LEAVE-- /CLINGS TO TIGHTLY

@brassboundvalkyrie - || BEST MUM HERE ALWAYS SUPPORTING AND PROTECTING BOTH ME AND LEST AHHAHAHAHA HONESTLY THO I KNOW I ALREADY SAW THIS LAST TIME BUT HORN RLLY IS A GREAT MOTHER FIGURE TBH ;;;;; IF WE WENT AU AND IGNORED CANON, I WOULD DEF CHOOSE HORN TO BE LEST’S MOTHER FIGURE IF NOT BLOOD-TIED JFGHSDKFGHDLFD YOU’RE SUCH A SWEET PERSON AND KIND MUN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS POPPING IN RANDOMLY INTO MY IM TO SEND NICE MESSAGES AND JUST TO FRIENDLY CHAT EVERY NOW AND THEN I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!! WE FIRST STARTED OFF AS BARELY KNOWING EACH OTHER AND TALKING BUT NOW HERE WE ARE WITH SUCH A WARM RELATIONSHIP???? THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FRIEND AND GIVING ME A CHANCE TO DO SO DDDD: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH STAY AWESOME!

@impaler-prince - || MAN OKAY YEAH WE HAVEN’T TALKED OR INTERACTED IN A LONG TIME (partially my fault OTL) BUT LIKE OH BOIIIIII I MISS US INTERACTING LIKE YOU’RE SUCH A COOL PERSON AND I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU EVEN GAVE ME A CHANCE TO INTERACT WITH YOU??? LIKE HONESTLY I LOVE ROLEPLAYING WITH YOU, AND YOUR ART (STYLE) IS ONE EXAMPLE OF WHAT I ASPIRE TO BE HONESTLY, WITH HOW CONFIDENT YOUR LINING AND COLOURING SEEMS TO BE??? MINE IS LIKE STILL HESITANT AND CAUTIOUS BUT WELL I’M GETTING THERE SO DON’T WORRY! BUT ALL IN ALL I’M JUST GLAD YOU’RE HERE AND I’M SORRY TO ALWAYS BE THE ONE TAGGING YOU IN RANDOM STUFF HAHAHA BUT SERIOUSLY I JUST REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT YOU TO KNOW I APPRECIATE THE HELL OUT OF YOU AND DON’T WANT YOU TO THINK OTHERWISE, OKAY??? STAY GOLD FRIENDO!

@seventh-progenitor-ferid-bathory - || ASH YA SINNER HERE I AM AGAIN TAGGING YOU AGAIN EVEN IF WE HAVEN’T TALKED IN AWHILE BC IM BAD AT KEEPING CONTACT -LAYS DOWN AT YOUR FEET- PLEASE FORGIVE FOR THAT I SWEAR I LOVE YOU OKAY IM JUST TOO INVESTED INTO GAMING IT’S A BAD HABIT PLEASE SUE ME DDDDDD: BUT I STILL ENJOY WHERE EVEN IF WE HAVEN’T TALKED IN A WHILE, EITHER YOU OR ME CAN JUST SEND EACH OTHER A RANDOM MESSAGE ABOUT FERID OR LEST OR ONS IN GENERAL THEN SUDDENLY BAM WE’RE OFF TALKING AND SCREAMING AND SAYING/COMMENTING THE MOST RANDOM OF THINGS THAT I HAVE TO SHARE HERE ON TUMBLR BC IT’S SO AMUSING??? I’M REALLY GLAD YOU’RE HERE AND BEING MY FRIEND :DDDDD

@fortisgladio - || *QUOTES MANDY* “LIME GREEN PEPE” OKAY SORRY I WON’T DO THAT AGAIN BUT YOU REALLY ARE A MEME LOLOLOL SORRY ABOUT NOT TALKING MUCH SINCE I’VE BEEN AWAY FROM TUMBLR FOR SO LONG AND EVEN THEN I RARELY EVER REPLY TO ANYONE’S MESSAGES, WHETHER HERE ON TUMBLR OR FB, I JUST NEVER SEEM TO REPLY BC I’M TOO INVESTED INTO GAMING I’M AN AWFUL PERSON DDDDD: I KNOW I ALREADY SAID SO MUCH ABOUT YOU IN MY MILESTONE POST, BUT HONESTLY I CAN NEVER SEEM TO FULLY EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU??? YOU’RE ONE INSANE WRITER AND ROLEPLAYER, AND MUN HERSELF IS JUST....A BRILLIANT PERSON??? EVERYONE DESERVES TO KNOW YOU AND BASK IN YOUR GLORY BC YOU’RE TRULY ONE HELL OF A GREAT FRIEND AND PERSON???? DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE AND YOU’RE FOREVER ONE OF THE COOLEST PEOPLE I’LL EVER HAVE AS A FRIEND <33333

@forgottenprogenitor - || OH MY GOD YOU-- SERIOUSLY I’M SO SORRY FOR NOT REPLYING BACK TO YOUR MESSAGES AND WHEN YOU’VE TAGGED ME IN SOMETHING BC USUALLY WHEN YOU DO, I SEE IT ON MOBILE AND I HATE TEXTING/TALKING ON MOBILE OR JUST TYPING IN GENERAL, AND MOST OF THE TIME WHEN IM ON PC I’M JUST PLAYING GAMES SO BASICALLY---WHAT I WANNA SAY IS I’M A LAZY PERSON AND AWFUL WHEN IT COMES TO SHOW APPRECIATION FOR THE AMAZING THINGS AND WORKS FRIENDS DO DDDDD: SO I WANT TO TAKE THIS AS A CHANCE TO EXPRESS TO YOU AND THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE, THINGS YOU’VE INCLUDED ME AND LEST IN, AND JUST BASICALLY BEING HERE IN THE FANDOM AND BEING WHO YOU ARE! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING MY FRIEND AND INTERACTING WITH ME, I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH <3333

@divincndo - || OH MY GOD YOU-- YOUUUUU--- YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW BIG OF A HEART ATTACK YOU GAVE ME WHEN I WENT TO CHAT WITH YOU ON IM OR TO CHECK YOUR BLOG IN GENERAL TO SEE THAT YOU DEACTIVATED???? I PANICKED LIKE OH GOD WHERE DID YOU GO DID YOU POST ABOUT A NEW BLOG TO FOLLOW OR DID I MISS IT?? BC THEN I FELT SO BAD AND I WAS UNSURE OF WHO WAS A MUTUAL WITH ME OR FOLLOWED ME AND KNEW ABOUT YOU AND I WAS LIKE “OH GOD WHERE DID THEY GO” AND WENT TO MAKE A POST ABOUT IT ASKING FOR YOU BUT NO ONE EVER REPLIED--UNTIL YOU MESSAGED ME YOURSELF ON YOUR NEW BLOG THEN SOMEONE COMMENTED ON MY POST YOUR NEW BLOG URL FDJGHDSKLFJG LIKE OKAY I’M GLAD I FOUND YOU AGAIN BUT OH MY GOD LITERAL HEART ATTACK ;; YOU SCARED ME I THOUGHT I LOST YOU FOREVER AND NO ONE WOULD EVER TELL ME WHERE YOU WENT AND I’D FEEL SO BAD BC THEN I FELT LIKE A LOST A GOOD FRIEND DDDD: PLEASE NEVER SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN I LOVE YOUR MUSE AND BLOG, AND JUST MUN IN GENERAL <33333 I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT OKAY?

@stardustrhapsody/@fearedexistence - || GOD I CAN’T KEEP TRACK OF ALL YOUR BLOGS ANYMORE OR WHICH BLOG YOU’LL SEE THIS ON BUT IF YOU DO SEE THIS THEN HERE GOES-- DEEP BREATH I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I CAN NEVER EXPRESS TO YOU HOW MUCH YOU BEING MY FRIEND REALLY MEANS TO ME I’M SO GLAD WE’VE MET AND ALTHOUGH WE NEVER SEEM TO TALK TO EACH OTHER ANYMORE, WHETHER YOU’RE BUSY WITH IRL STUFF, YOUR BLOG, OR JUST IN GENERAL DON’T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU SHOULD MESSAGE ME, JUST KNOW THAT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I REALLY REALLY LOVE YOU AND HOPE TO FOREVER KEEP YOU AS A CLOSE FRIEND! YOU ARE THE SWEETEST GUY I’VE EVER MET AND YOU’RE A WONDERFUL PERSON, AND I MISS OUR RABBIT HANGOUTS AND ETC. WHERE WE WATCH STUFF TOGETHER, BUT YOU’RE A GREAT PERSON AND I’M ALWAYS FREE TO TALK TO--AND I’LL START BOTHERING YOU MORE IN 2017 TO HANGOUT LOLOLOL SO LOOK FORWARD TO THAT! AND YEAH I ALSO KNOW THAT YOU’VE BEEN HOOKED ONTO GAMING SO THAT’S THAT BUT DW I’M LIKE THAT TOO SO ???? RIP LOLOLOL BUT SERIOUSLY KAI, YOU’RE AN AWESOME D00D AND FRIEND TO HAVE, DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE ALRIGHT? LOVE YOU SO MUCH KAI, HERE’S A BIG HUG FROM A SALTY WAVE <33333

Okay, I’m going to make an effort to write a little something for everyone else I’m going to tag, instead of being the lazy ass I am when I did my milestone post, and say what’s on my mind--bc honestly everyone I mention I have something to say to and talk about, but my laziness gets in the way and it irks me DDD: I really want to show and express to you guys just HOW MUCH I love and appreciate EVERY DAMN SINGLE ONE OF YOU! SO HERE’S SOME LOVE FROM A SALTY WAVE FROM ME!

@ferid-trash-bathory - || ALRIGHT WHAT DO I SAY TO YOU?? WELL HONESTLY THE MAIN THING I WANT TO TELL YOU IS THAT 1) YOUR FERID IS G R E A T 2) MUN IS A FUNNY AND BRILLIANT PERSON 3) THANK YOU FOR BEING THE MEME YOU ARE, YOU’RE REALLY APPRECIATED AND I LOVE THE SILLY INTERACTIONS WE HAVE BETWEEN LEST AND FERID EVERY NOW AND THEN <3

@tatsu-rose-bathory - || YOU LITTLE CHIBI--WELL NOT REALLY SINCE YOU’RE ALSO A MOTHER BUT YOU GET WHAT I MEAN-- YOU REALLY LIKE TO PICK A BONE WITH LEST AND ALWAYS GET HURT IN RETURN, I’M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THAT DDD: LEST IS AN HONEST PRICK AHHHH BUT MUN IS A VERY SWEET PERSON THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO BOTHER MY LEST SO I’M NOT BORED LOLOLOL

@rigr-stafford - || I STILL HAVE YET TO GET BACK TO THE THREAD YOU TAGGED ME IN I’M SORRY ABOUT THAT I JUST PROCRASTINATE ALOT SOBS-- BUT NOT ONLY THAT BUT YOU’RE A GREAT PERSON AND I CAN’T THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR HELPING ME SETTLE THE HEADER FOR BLOG ;;; THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING IT WORK AND HELPING MY BLOG LOOK MORE DECENT YOU’RE THE BEST <3

@mithosofcruxis - || C OUGHS LOUDL Y AT YO U -- YOU’RE AN AWESOME PERSON AND I KNOW I’VE SAID THIS SO MUCH BUT LIKE I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY TO SHOW/EXPRESS THAT FACT??? YOU HONESTLY ARE AND I LOVE HOW REFINED YOUR CHARACTER IS, AND HOW SWEET THE MUN IS DDDD: THANK YOU FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY SLOW SELF <3

@bloodthirstylacus - || HEY I KNOW WE NEVER REALLY TALK, AND THE ONLY TIME WE TALK/INTERACT IS WHEN YOU SEND MY LEST RANDOM ASKS BUT HEY I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I APPRECIATE YOU DOING THAT AND YOU’RE A COOL PERSON! THANK YOU FOR BEING IN THE ONS FANDOM AND ROLEPLAYING LACUS <3

@mad-eggs-onthewall - || HHHHH I KNOW I ALREADY MENTIONED YOU IN MY OTHER POST BUT MAN MAN MAN I LOVE READING YOUR POSTS AS HUMPTY AND DUMPTY EVERY NOW AND THEN AND HOW YOU WRITE--AND YOUR INTERACTIONS WITH GREY ;;;; yesistalkyoupleasesuemeLOL YOU’RE A GREAT PERSON AND ROLEPLAYER, AND MUN IN GENERAL AN AWESOME PERSON!

@panadabro/@simply-emily24 - || GUYS YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT I’M GOING TO SAY BUT WHO CARES I’M GONNA SAY IT AGAIN BC I HAVE TO LET YOU GUYS KNOW AGAIN HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE YOUR HARD WORK AND EFFORTS THAT YOU GUYS PUT IN TO TRANSLATE THE NEW RAWS FOR ONS IT REALLY REALLY SAVES MY LIFE THANK YOU FOR DEALING WITH ME WHENEVER I SUDDENLY POP INTO YOUR IM RANDOMLY ASKING FOR HELPING WITH TRANSLATION DDDD: <3

@cxndytuft - || HEY I KNOW IT’S BEEN A WHILE BUT LET ME JUST--- *SMOOTHLY SLIDES IN FRONT OF YOU* ....HELLO THERE LOLOLOL HOW’S IT BEEN? YOU’RE A SWEET PERSON AND EVEN TALKING TO ME WHEN YOU MOVED BLOGS LIKE I WAS THINKING “THIS LEGENDARY ALOIS CONSIDERS ME, SOMEONE FROM ANOTHER FANDOM, WORTHY ENOUGH TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED??? HAS GOD SPOKEN TO ME THIS DAY???” LOLOLOL SORRY THAT WAS OVERDRAMATIC BUT THAT’S HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU OKAY JUST KNOW THAT <3333

@totally-hiiragi-mahiru - || HERE YOU ARE AGAIN STILL SPAMMING MY NEWSFEED EVERY NOW AND THEN OR RATHER SPAMMING MY NOTIFICATIONS BY MASS LIKING MY POSTS LOLOL THANK YOU FOR THE SPAM, I APPRECIATE THE NOTION OF IT??? STAY COOL YOU TROUBLEMAKER <3

@repulsc - || WHERE DID YOU COME FROM WHERE DID YOU GO-- NO SERIOUSLY WHERE DID YOU GO YOU MESSING WITH LEST AND TAUNTING HIM WAS GREAT I MISS IT DDDD: ALSO SEEING YOU AND LORDGEALES INTERACT TOO IS FUNNY AND AMUSING TO WATCH AS WELL! PLEASE COME BACK WHERE DID YOU GOOOO I KNOW YOUR YU BLOG B U T ST I L L -HUGS YOU TIGHTLY-

@makotonarumi/@dusksovereign/@taodhair - || DAMN TSUNAMI! BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH TAGGING ALL THREE BLOGS! SORRY LOLOLOL I HONESTLY DON’T KNOW WHICH BLOG YOU CHECK THE MOST FREQUENTLY SO I’M TAGGING ALL THREE JUST TO GET YOUR ATTENTION AND TELL YOU THAT I MISS THE HELL OUT OF YOU AND LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR RETURN AND FURTHER INTERACTIONS BETWEEN LEST AND CROWLEY AND NARUMI <333 STILL HAVE YET TO FACE KURETO BUT WE’LL SEE LOLOLOL

@asurayuucentral - || LOOK AT YOUUUU ALWAYS COMING IN TO BOTHER MY LEST LOLOLOL I LOVE IT WHENEVER YOU DO? MUN IS A VERY OUTGOING AND CHEERFUL PERSON, PLEASE CONTINUE TO BE IN THE FANDOM AND DO WHAT YOU DO ALRIGHT? <3

@lyserg42 - || MAN I TOTALLY FORGOT HOW WE EVEN FIRST MET BUT I JUST REMEMBER YOUR URL AND JUST YOU IN GENERAL AS WHO YOU ARE AND I APPRECIATE YOU BEING MY FRIEND??? EVEN IF WE RARELY TALK AND IT’S JUST TO COMMENT ON RANDOM THINGS THAT LEST DOES, I’M STILL REALLY GLAD YOU TAKE AMUSEMENT IN WATCHING LEST AND WHATEVER SHIT HE PULLS LOLOL

@these-evil-hands - || HELLO HI YES HELLO YOU MAY NOT KNOW ME BUT CAN I TELL YOU I LOVE YOUR BLOG AND MUSE FOR LELOUCH??? THANK YOU FOR GIVING MY LEST A CHANCE AND I KNOW YOU MAY BE BUSY OR AT ROUGH TIMES LOSE MUSE EVERY NOW AND THEN, BUT YOU’RE A GREAT PERSON SO STAY GOLD!

@masterofzawarudo - || OKAY YOU-- DIO YOURSELF-- ARE AN ASS AND IF YOU SO DARE LAY A HAND ON MY SON, THEN I’LL SHOW YOU WHAT A REAL GOD OF THE UNIVERSE IS-- EVEN MORE SO THAN THAT-- Now Mun on the other hand is a really cool person and deserves love and hugs :DDDD Your presence is appreciated <3 Please look forward to the fellow High Progenitors facing off with Dio :DDD

@no-signs-no-lights - || Hello hello! I know you’re not in the OnS fandom anymore, but I still really appreciate and love your blog! And the previous contributions you’ve made to the fandom :DDDDD I look forward to a new year still stalking I MEAN following your blog for YoI content and more!

@rutilisanguinis - || I KNOW YOU’RE RARELY ACTIVE NOW BUT JUST KNOW THAT US ROLEPLAYERS STILL REMEMBERS YOU AND YOUR CROWLEY AND ARE STILL HERE TO INTERACT WITH AND JUST TALK WITH IN GENERAL <3 YOUR PORTRAYAL OF CROWLEY IS GREAT AND WHEN I FIRST JOINED TUMBLR I WAS RLLY TIMID TO APPROACH ANYONE BUT YOU’RE A REALLY NICE PERSON SO THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME TALK WITH YOU! YOU’RE AN AWESOME PERSON! <3

@iojosamakrul - || I HAVENT SEEN OR HEARD FROM YOU AWHILE BUT I HOPE YOU’RE STILL ABLE TO SEE THIS BC I KNOW WE ONLY INTERACTED LIKE ONCE, BUT IT WAS REALLY CUTESY BETWEEN KRUL AND LEST AND YOUR MUSE FOR KRUL IS CUTE TOO I LOVE IT??? PLEASE KEEP ROLEPLAYING IN THIS FANDOM WE APPRECIATE YOUR MUSE <3

@brokenhexrt - || IM AN AWFUL PERSON I STILL HAVE YET TO GET TO OUR THREAD AND MAN IT’S BEEN SUCH A WHILE IM SORRY THAT I SUCK SO MUCH AT ANSWERING TO THREADS I STILL HAVE ONES TO REPLY TO FROM MONTHS AGO??? BUT D00D YOUR ART--- SJHGSLKJHFDK YOUR ART STYLE IS AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT I ASPIRE TO BE AND WORK TO BE ;;; EVEN YOUR DOODLES WITHOUT LINING LOOKS SO FLAWLESS I’M JEALOUS AS HECK HOW DO YOU EVEN DO IT??? YOU’RE A GREAT PERSON AHHHH!

@narcasse - || WAIT DID YOU REPLY TO OUR THREAD YET OR IS IT YOUR TURN???? IM SORRY IM JUST REALLY WORRIED BC I REALLY LOVE THE ROLEPLAY GOING ON BETWEEN US, AND LIKE I TAGGED YOU AND THE OTHER ARSLAN MUSES IN, YOU ARE HONESTLY A GREAT MUSE AND BLOG FOR NARSUS AND AM SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU GUYS PUT SO MUCH EFFORT INTO A SMALL FANDOM FGJSHGLJKERGDFG I WISH TO JOIN YOU GUYS SOON!! <333

@kaikhosrow - || OH BOI LIKE WITH NARSUS I’M SO PLEASED TO SEE YOU GUYS PORTRAYING THE MUSES OF THE ARSLAN SENKI CHARAS SO FLAWLESSLY AND PUTTING IN SO MUCH EFFORT FOR IT??? AND NOT ONLY THAT BUT MUN YOURSELF IS SO SWEET AND KIND FDHGSKLDJGHSLDFK WHAT IS THIS BOTH MUN AND MUSE ARE CINNAMON ROLLS? HONESTLY THOUGH YOU GUYS ARE REALLY APPRECIATED!!! <3333

@gievememusic - || I KNOW WE ALREADY TALKED EARLIER BUT PLEASE STOP BEING SO FLUSTERED!!! MY WORDS ARE HONEST AND YOUR BLOG FOR GIEVE REALLY MAKES ME LAUGH AND YOU PORTRAY HIM WONDERFULLY!!! I STILL CAN’T GET OVER YOUR URL AND I KNOW I SAID THAT SO MANY TIMES BUT I JUST DON’T KNOW WHY IT GETS ME SO MUCH AHAHAHAHA BUT YOU’RE A GREAT PERSON!

@priinve - || YOU ONLY KNOW ME FROM CHATTING IN IM BUT /DEEP BREATHS/ CAN I JUST SAY YOUR PORTRAYAL OF HILMES IS JUST ???? SO PERFECT AND ON POINT?? AGAIN I’M REALLY THANKFUL THAT REALLY TALENTED WRITERS AND MUNS LIKE YOU GUYS CONTRIBUTE SO MUCH TO A SMALL FANDOM FGJSHKDJGSHLD THE SHOW DEFINITELY DESERVES MORE CREDIT!!! THANK YOU FOR BRINGING LIFE TO A SMALL FANDOM YOU’RE AN AWESOME PERSON!!!

@progenitress - || I KNOW YOU DON’T POST ANYMORE AND ARE PROBABLY INACTIVE BUT /DEEP BREATH/ WHEN I FIRST JOINED TUMBLR AND SAW YOUR BLOG FOR KRUL, IT WAS HONESTLY THE MOST BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN AND FLAWLESS BLOG I’VE EVER SEEN??? AND I WAS JUST REALLY AWED AND REALLY WANTED TO INTERACT WITH YOU BUT I WAS STILL GETTING USED TO THINGS DDD: BUT NOW YOU’RE GONE /SOBS/ I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR MUSE AND BLOG FOR KRUL THOUGH AND HOW AWESOME YOU WERE WITH PLAYING HER!!

@kinglest - || HEY THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE--JUST KIDDING LOLOLOL AND oh my goodness alpha if I have to be honest with you, I honestly really really think your portrayal of Lest, at least the way you write him and how he acts, is far more canon and flawless than how I do it??? I’m really jealous LOLOLOL but seriously the way you portray him honestly seems so perfect?? DDD: I FEEL SO BOTTOM-TIER COMPARED TO YOU FJHGSLKJGFDE I JUST WANTED TO GET THAT OUT OF THE WAY OKAY SO I’M GONNA RUN NOW FJGSHKDLFJ I’M NOT YOUR SENPAI LOLOLOL I AM BUT A SALTY WAVE

@xemissarium - || DEEP BREATHS-- I REALLY STILL AM LOOKING FORWARD TO INTERACTING WITH YOU DESPITE ME KNOWING YOU’RE PROBABLY BUSY WITH OTHER THREADS OR JUST WITH IRL STUFF IN GENERAL DDDD: BUT YOUR BLOG IS AMAZING AND YOUR MUSE FOR MIKA IS GREAT AHAHAHA I ACTUALLY DON’T THINK I’VE SEEN A MIKA BLOG AS OF LATELY WHICH IS SURPRISING??? I’VE ONLY SEEN BLOGS OF VAMPIRES SO MAYBE I’M MISSING OUT ON SOMETHING BUT HEY YOU’RE HERE SO LET ME JUST STAY CLINGING TO YOU :DDDDD pleaselovemeokay /SLAPS SELF

@sassygreytea - || OKAY YOU MAY NOT KNOW ME AND HAVE NO IDEA WHY I AM TAGGING YOU-- AND I ALREADY TAGGED YOU IN MY MILESTONE POST BUT SERIOUSLY I HAVE SOMETHING I WANT TO SAY TO YOU AT LEAST DDDD: YOUR PORTRAY OF EARL GREY IS BEAUTIFUL AND FLAWLESS, AND YOUR INTERACTIONS WITH ANYONE IN GENERAL IS REALLY GREAT I LOVE OCCASIONALLY SEEING YOUR POSTS COME ACROSS MY DASH AND READING THEM BECAUSE THEY’RE SO IN-CHARACTER AND YOUR WRITING STYLE IS ADMIRABLE???? STAY GOLD AS YOU ARE! I LOOK FORWARD TO CONTINUE FOLLOWING YOUR BLOG AND SEEING YOUR WRITING! :DDD

@sassyshinoahiiragi - || I DUNNO IF YOU’RE THE SAME PERSON AS SASSYKRULTEPES BUT I WILL SAY SEPARATE COMMENTS TO BOTH BC I HAVE PERSONAL THINGS TO SAY-- YOU’VE BEEN HERE SINCE WHEN I FIRST JOINED TUMBLR AND WOW THAT’S A LOT OF DEDICATION RIGHT THERE! AND I HAVENT SEEN MANY ROLEPLAY BLOGS FOR THE HUMAN SIDE OF ONS SO I’M REALLY SUPER THANKFUL YOU’RE HERE AND THAT YOU ROLEPLAY SHINOA OKAY??? PLEASE NEVER DISAPPEAR AND KNOW THAT YOUR BLOG IS LOVED <3

@sassykrultepes - || I DUNNO IF ITS ME OR YOU, BUT I HAVEN’T SEEN YOUR BLOG IN A WHILE PASSING MY DASH SO I DUNNO DID YOU GO INACTIVE??? I’M REALLY SAD TO KNOW THAT BUT I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW YOUR KRUL MUSE WAS ONE OF THE BEST THAT CAUGHT MY EYE WHEN I WAS STILL GETTING USED TO TUMBLR, AND WOW WOW WOW I CAN’T BELIEVE SOMEONE WOULD BE ABLE TO PULL OFF THE SAME MUSE AS A FEW OTHER PEOPLE, BUT PUT SUCH A DISTINCT DIFFERENCE IN THE PORTRAYAL YET STILL AUDIBLY MAKE IT SEEM LIKE KRUL’S CHARACTER??? YOU’RE REALLY AMAZING AND I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT!

@krul-tan - || OH MAN ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE TALKED, AND THE LAST TIME I EVER SAW YOU WAS AT ANIME CALIFORNIA (YOU’RE SO CUTE BTW AND I LOVED SEEING YOUR KRUL TEPES COSPLAY IN PERSON!!!) I MISS YOUR BLOG AND SEE THAT YOU’VE GONE SOMEWHAT INACTIVE ON IT, BUT THAT’S FINE I STILL FOLLOW YOUR MAIN BLOG BUT MAN DO I MISS SEEING YOUR KRUL DOODLES AND INTERACTIONS WITH SEVENTH-PROGENITOR-FERID-BATHORY BC HONESTLY YOU’RE A REALLY COOL AND GREAT PERSON!! I LOVE YOUR ART SO MUCH TOO AHHHH!

@offreespirit - || LULU NO-- OKAY JKJK THAT WON’T BE THE ONLY THING I SAY THIS TIME OKAY LOLOLOL BUT OH BOI MAN I KNOW YOU’RE IN A DIFFERENT FANDOM AND I UTTERLY LOST THE URL AGAIN BUT I STILL HOPE YOU SEE THIS DDDD: I MISS SEEING YOU ROLEPLAY IN THE ONS FANDOM AND TALKING TO YOU, BUT THAT’S MAINLY MY FAULT BC WHENEVER I GO TO REPLY I WANDER OFF WATCHING VIDEOS AND FORGET I’M SORRY ;;;; BUT PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU WERE ONE OF THE VERY FIRST BLOGS I SAW WHEN I FIRST JOINED TUMBLR AND REALLY CAUGHT MY EYE! AND I’M GLAD WE’RE FRIENDS STILL NOW :DDDDD <3

@lvstforblood - || AW MAN WHERE DID YOU GO???? YOUR BLOG WAS SO PERFECT AND YOUR MUSE WAS FERID WAS AMAZING?? YOU WERE REALLY SERIOUS AT TIME AND IN-CHARACTER WITH FERID, AND I WAS JUST AT AWE HOW SOMEONE CAN PULL OFF A MUSE JUST LIKE THAT??? I REALLY MISS SEEING YOUR WRITING AS FERID DDDDD:

@13andthecross - || I KNOW YOU SAID YOU WERE ON A HIATUS OR RATHER JUST DEALIN WITH STUFF IRL AND IT’S HARD GETTING BACK INTO WRITING, BUT I ASSURE YOU THE FANDOM IS STILL OPEN TO YOU AND HERE TO WELCOME YOU BACK AND INTERACT WITH YOU AGAIN! SO DON’T BE AFRAID TO GET BACK ON YOUR MUSE AND ROLEPLAY WITH PEOPLE! YOU’RE A WELL-KNOWN CROWLEY IN THE FANDOM AND A GREAT MUN!!! WE LOVE YOU! <3

@fallen-asura - || HHHH I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF YOU’LL SEE THIS AT ALL BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN GONE FOR SO LONG....BUT YOU WERE ONE OF THE VERY FIRST ASURAS I MET ON TUMBLR AND GAVE ME A CHANCE TO INTERACT WITH YOU! AND YOU USED TO BE SO ACTIVE AND ROLEPLAYED WITH SO MUCH PEOPLE DDDDD: THE FANDOM SEEMS SO EMPTY AND LONELY WITHOUT HAVIN YOU AROUND JUMPING EVERYWHERE AND INTERACTING WITH EVERYONE! I REALLY MISS YOU AHHHHHH I HOPE YOU’RE ALRIGHT!!!! BELATED MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEARS IF YOU HAPPEN TO SEE THIS! <3

@fifthprogenitorkyluc - || HEY I KNOW YOU’RE NEW HERE BUT I’M ALWAYS OPEN TO INTERACT WITH AND I’M REALLY HAPPY THAT YOU’VE TAKEN THE MUSE UP FOR A NEWLY INTRODUCED CHARACTER!!! I REALLY LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU ROLEPLAY IN THIS FANDOM AND INTERACTING WITH YOU!! WELCOME WELCOME!!

@f-unny-bones - || I KNOW IT WAS JUST RECENT THAT WE STARTED TALKING TO EACH OTHER BUT WOW DO I REALLYLOVE YOUR MUSE FOR UNDERTAKER AND STILL HAVE YET TO ACTUALLY SEND SOMETHING FOR US TO INTERACT WITH???? IM JUST--REALLY SHY OKAY AND I STILL HAVE TO SORT OUT THE CURRENT THREADS I HAVE WITH OTHERS AND INTERACTIONS I HAVE PLANNED JGHSDKGJDFLGSD THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME A CHANCE TO INTERACT WITH YOU YOU’RE REALLY GREAT!!!

@grotesque-puppet - || I LOVE YOUR ROLEPLAY BETWEEN US RIGHT NOW!! YOU’RE INCREDIBLY DETAILED WITH YOUR WORDS AND WRITING AND JUST WOW HOW DO YOU DO IT??? YOU SEEM SO SOPHISTICATED AND REFINED WITH YOUR WRITING THAT OKAY I’LL ADMIT I’M INTIMIDATED BY AND WISH I CAN BE LIKE THAT??? THE PATIENCE TO GO THROUGH TO WEAVE TOGETHER SUCH DETAILED SENTENCES THAT CREATES A TAPESTRY OF IMAGERY IS BRILLIANT!!! I LOOK FORWARD TO CONTINUE ROLEPLAYING AND INTERACTING WITH YOU <3

HHHHH I’M REALLY SCARED TO END THE LIST HERE....BECAUSE I DEFINITELY KNOW I FORGOT A LOT OF PEOPLE AND I FEEL SO BAD ABOUT THAT??? THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE THAT REALLY STOOD OUT TO ME AND MEANS A LOT TO ME BUT BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH WORDS GOING ON IN MY HEAD YOUR URLS COMPLETELY SLIPPED MY MIND??? I AM SO SO SORRY ABOUT THAT AHHHHH !

IF I FORGOT YOU, PLEASE I ASK OF YOU TO IM ME BECAUSE THERE REALLY IS SOMETHING I HAVE TO SAY TO EVERYONE, ANYONE, WHO SEES THIS POST AND WASN’T TAGGED IN! FOR SURE I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT YOU AND I /HAVE/ TO SAY IT TO YOU BC I HAVE TO SHOW AND EXPRESS JUST HOW MUCH I LOVE AND APPRECIATE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!!!

OTHER THAN THAT, I’VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR (I shit you not) FIVE HOURS BECAUSE I’VE BEEN TRYING TO LIST PEOPLE AND REMEMBER URLS FDJSHGLKJGHLDFKJ THEN GETTING DISTRACTED AND TALKING WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND JUST IT’S BEEN A HUGE MESS, AND NOT ONLY THAT CELEBRATION FOR THE NEW YEARS IS STILL GOING ON PLEASE SAVE ME FJDGHSKDJHGLSFDKJ

THAT SAID, I KNOW I STILL HAVE A LOT TO SAY, BUT IT’S 5 AM AS I FINISH THIS AND WILL POST TOMORRW AFTER THE NEW CHAPTER, BUT JUST KNOW THAT I REALLY LOVE AND APPRECIATE EVERYONE HERE THAT’S BEEN FOLLOWING MY BLOG!! ALL OF YOU ARE WONDERFUL PEOPLE!!!

AGAIN, A BELATED MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEARS FROM BOTH MUN AND LEST!! <3 <3 <3

#{{&& ☾♔♚☽ OOC: ❝ Make way here comes a screaming leek ❞ }}#follow forever #2017 follow forever #lestkarrkingofeurope #my art #lest karr #fanart #holy shit this is a long post #but bc i want to write a little something for everyone #and im so scared i forgot a few people #bc i was so invested in writing for everyone that names and urls passes my mind #im sorry to who i forgot please im me #bc i persoally really want to say something about you #i really have at least a comment to say to everyone #and show how much i love and appreciate you guys #so please dont hesitate to im me i gotta show you my love okay #even if you feel like i dont know you or etc.#trust me i will know and i will have something to say to you <333 #also making this post brought back nostalgia #bc i realized just how many people there once were in this fandom that roleplayed #but now most of them are gone or on long hiatus???#i really miss them like damn....#the reason i joined tumblr to roleplay in the first place was because of how active the fandom is #but now as time went by it kinda died off and people left....i really miss you guys dddd:#and all the great blogs and muns with flawless muses #:((((((( i made myself sad bc of nostalgia why do i do this

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