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#AND THEN I REALIZED THIS WAS 2019. AND IT REMINDED ME OF ONE OF LIKE 3 2019-DEFINING PARTS FOR ME.
redrobin-detective · 2 years
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I know this is influenced by the Shazam movie (my beloved) but it still makes me sigh when I see posts about “oh Billy/Captain Marvel uses a lot of teen slang/ understands TikTok, memes and other child centric things adults don’t get.” Because while that’s fine, it’s the exact opposite of what I find so interesting about Billy.
We all flail about how Bill is a young child with immense power and responsibility but he doesn’t really act like a child. He was orphaned at an early age and cruelly abandoned by the man supposed to care for him. Bounced from dingy orphanages to abusive foster cares, seeing some of the worst of humanity and made to feel so unloved, he decides to make his own way on the streets. Despite all this loss and grief, Billy inexplicably remains good and kind. This is why he is worthy of being Captain Marvel, because beneath all his hurt and sass, he cares so damn much about the people around him.
So Bill becomes force for good and eventually joins the Justice League and they just, don’t know what to make of him. Because Bill is strange mix of child & adult, human & godlike being but even as himself, Billy is NOT a normal child. He’s worried about housing and food security, he’s thinking about the upcoming Midwest winter and his threadbare coat, he’s stressing about being a good influence as Marvel, about not screwing up on missions, about the latest supervillain threat to world. These are all very adult concerns that Billy, with his child body and underdeveloped brain are forced to deal with. 
So the League quietly tilts it’s head at Captain Marvel because he is a conundrum. He has such intimate insight into human suffering and has a wealth of compassion that leaves them breathless. But he has odd ticks, such strange, out of context smatterings of human culture (because Bill has been on the outside for so long and so out of touch with human people). It’s why they can never get a good read on Cap, because he doesn’t fit into any neat categories simply because Billy exists so far outside the norm. When the secret does come out, the largest clashes will not be over petty generational dispute but Billy’s lack of support, his unaddressed trauma, and the realization that this kid grew up way too fast and isn’t much of a child anymore and, after so long, resents being coddled. 
That is what makes Billy Batson such a fascinating, compelling character to me. Not simply that he’s a child, DC has hundreds of child heroes, but because Billy is an adult in a child’s body long before he ever becomes a child in an adult’s body.
#I try not to be bitter about it bc its a valid and fun interpretation of Billy#but god seeing posts where Billy explains Tiktok or w/e drive me insane#(I guess it strikes different after Shazam 2019 where he actually has a home and is surrounded by kids)#but whole *flails* adult/child dichotomy playing out both physically and mentally#like yes Bill can become a magical adult with magic and stable brain chemistry#but even as himself he's dealing with adult problems and managing himself#he maintains his childlike optimism the desperate faith in concepts like family and care and just general lack of knowledge#(not saying Bill is stupid but he has Wild gaps in knowledge like he knows intricate alien tech but struggles with fractions)#(simply bc he hasnt attended school in years and is missing out on actual instructions but has so much real world/JLA knowledge)#and you know we curse the wizard out for his minstrations#but i firmly believe Billy would have died without outside forces acting (he's too kind and kindness can kill)#but by bringing Cap (and Bill) to the JLAs attention he can now get care and support even if he doesnt want it#eventually Bill and the League will settle into a strange sort of arrangement of letting him be independent but still giving him help#Also once more will die on the hill of Billy existing around the time of Jay Robin#for many reason but one is Caps behavior reminds Bruce of something and it nags at him#only to find out the secret and realize oh OH Cap was showing the same signs of a homeless abused child that Jay had
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coconut530 · 6 months
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some songs by The Score that I’ve been coming back to and loving ❤️🖤💙🩵
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othercrossee · 9 months
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The current yaoi inbreeding looks like sth out of my 2019 awkward art phase
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malkaviian · 1 year
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i dont mind having a "cute" art style at all, its flattering when people tell me so, i just wonder why my current style + the different ones i had since 2020 end up being cutesy dsjnfjdsnf
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queen-of-deans-booty · 8 months
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His Anchor
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader
Word Count: ~1k
Warnings: MoC!Dean, fluff at the end
Request by @jessicalynnann: how about mark of Cain dean and he is an ass to everyone but the reader. He is all fluffy and lovely dovey with the reader and one night he has had enough of her cuteness and just kisses her… maybe she tells him about a book she is reading… 
Summary: Dean is affected by the Mark in ways you and Sam don't realize, and he's trying not to let it affect others around him. However, there is only one person who can lift his spirits even when he's shrouded in darkness.
Square Filled: the first blade (2019) for @heavenandhellbingo
Author’s Note: i appreciate any and all comments! <3
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Dean sits alone at the library table with just a dim lamp to light the room and a glass of alcohol next to him. He hasn’t been doing good as of late because of the fucking Mark on his arm. It’s a constant reminder of how much he’s got to lose, and it’s taken over his life. He wants the damn thing removed but he’d be putting people in danger if he does. This Mark has already claimed so much of his life that he’s trying to hold onto whatever he has left, refusing to give into it more.
He traces the edge of the Mark with his index finger and goosebumps crawl up his arm immediately. There’s something raw in the danger that befalls the Mark including the First Blade. He’s used it plenty of times to kill those who deserve it even though it itches for more. The First Blade will never be satisfied with how many kills Dean gives it because there is a purity in how many victims it can claim.
Including himself. In the end, he’ll fall victim to his own blade. Would he die? Would the Mark allow him the sweet relief of death?
“Hey, you alright? Why is it so dark in here?”
Dean is pulled from his thoughts and looks up at his brother who has entered the room.
“What do you want?” Dean asks and turns the brightness up on the lamp.
“I might have found a lead on Metatron. He’s the only one that’s gonna have information on the Mark.”
Dean is so sick and tired of hearing how his brother found a lead only for that lead to turn up dead. He’s been led on by hope far too many times only for it to bite him in the ass later.
“Sammy, how many times do I have to tell you? Stop looking for the cure. It’s pointless if it means a lot of people are gonna be hurt in the process.”
“I know but this time is different. Listen to this. Rowena is a really old witch. She comes from the same kind of magic as the Mark, so I figure if we can get to Metatron, then--”
Dean slams his glass onto the table, shattering it to pieces. His hand bleeds but he doesn’t care about that. Sam jumps at the sudden noise and stares at his brother with uncertainty in his eyes.
“Don’t make me smack you.”
Sam’s shoulders sag in defeat.
“Fine. Whatever.”
The younger brother leaves to investigate this on his own. If Dean isn’t gonna help him then he’ll do everything himself. Dean knows he will never give up because that’s not what they do. If it were Sam who took this Mark on, then Dean would be the same way. Dean shakes his head and grabs another glass from the small cart by the table and pours himself another drink. He has bigger things to worry about than the Mark like Rowena, Cain, the Book of the Damned, and just about every fucking thing in his life.
You walk into the library with a book in your hand and Dean’s mood becomes ten times better. Everything in his life is fucked up but you. You’re the light in all this darkness and he’s so scared you’ll end up hurt because of him. You look up and smile when you see Dean but the smile is lost when you see the pieces of glass on the table.
“Hey, where’s Sam?” you ask.
“Doing nerdy things,” Dean shrugs.
“Okay, can I talk to you about this book I just finished? Like I need to tell someone.”
“Sure,” he chuckles and welcomes the distraction.
“Okay,” you rush to the table and sit next to him, “so the main character, Alana, works at this big company that everyone knows about and she feels trapped doing the same shit every single day. She wants to be doing more with her life but doesn’t know where to start or what she should be doing. That is, until the CEO of the company, Marcel started doing some shady shit. She tries to find out what he’s been up to, and it turns out that he’s making this serum that will make him rule the universe or some shit like that. She’s like hell no so she tries to foil his plans but ends up as his test subject! She tries to escape him but he ended up giving her the serum since he needed a human subject. This whole big fight happens between them but I was not expecting that turn of events!”
Dean isn’t paying attention to a goddamn word you’re saying. You’re so passionate and happy about this book you’re reading that he’s focused on your smile, the way your eyes light up, and how you can’t sit still. You give him joy like no other. How did he ever cope before he met you?
“Are you even listening to me? Why are you staring at me like that?” you ask.
Dean can’t help but grab your chair and pull you closer to him. He slides his big hands into your hair and plants his lips on your impulsively. You haven’t felt his lips in over a year since he kissed you when he was ass-backward drunk. You thought he never brought it up because he was drunk, but he didn’t want the one good thing in his life to go away if he confessed how he felt about you.
He pulls away from you and watches as your mouth opens and closes like you don’t know what to do. Your cheeks heat up in nervousness because you were not expecting that at all.
“Oh, okay,” you stutter.
“I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t be. I’m glad I found you and not Sam.”
“So, how did Alana escape Marcel?”
Just like that, you’re back to passionately talking about your book. You’re the only thing anchoring him down and keeping him sane, and he needs a bit of that right now.
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Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)
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808heartz · 2 months
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pedri or fermins bday posts for you every year on ig, going from young friends to lovers ❤️🩶🧎‍♀️🫶🏼🙏🏼
no replacing you — fermín lopez
genre: social media au.
warnings: none.
faceclaim: olivia rodrigo.
i’m finally back-ish! going to start all my social media au requests and post them as soon as i can. <3
_ferminlopez
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yourusername and 645 others liked this post.
_ferminlopez ¡feliz cumpleaños a mi mejor amiga! sé que cumplir 16 años significa mucho para ti y estoy emocionado de ver cómo te trata el año. i can’t wait to celebrate with you later! ❤️
[tagged: yourusername]
[see translation: happy birthday to my best friend! i know turning 16 means a lot to you and i’m excited to see how the year treats you]
see all comments below.
yourusername aaah fermin :( thank you!!! i’m so glad we’re best friends <3. cant wait to see you tonight!!
⤷ _ferminlopez me too 😊 yourusername
2019.
_ferminlopez
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yourusername and 912 others liked this post.
_ferminlopez lockdown is stopping us from hanging out on your birthday, so facetime will have to do 😂. happy birthday to the most amazing person i know! eres mi mejor amigo de toda la vida, te quiero incluso cuando estás llorando sin ninguna razón como ahora mismo ❤️
[tagged: yourusername]
[see translation: you’re my best friend for life, i love you even when you’re crying for no reason like right now ❤️]
see all comments below.
yourusername te quiero tanto!!!! ur the best fer, thanks for the birthday wishes <3 and for my being my best friend EVERRRRRR ❤️❤️❤️
yourusername i should’ve known you were gonna post this lol can’t help that i miss my friend :(
⤷ _ferminlopez no estés tan triste 😂 i miss you too yourusername (don’t be so sad)
2020.
_ferminlopez
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yourusername and 2,448 others liked this post.
_ferminlopez happy 18th birthday to my best friend! ahora eres un adulto, pero todavía no actúas así 😂. thank you for always reminding me to have fun and not take things so seriously, you’re the best ❤️
[tagged: yourusername]
[see translation: you’re an adult now, but you still don’t act like it 😂.]
see all comments below.
yourusername i’m not acting like an adult but you’re the one who planned my birthday activities at the american girl doll store 🤔
⤷ _ferminlopez porque sabía que querías ir allí 🙂 (because i knew you wanted to go there) yourusername
2021.
_ferminlopez
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yourusername and 15,621 others liked this post.
_ferminlopez it’s my favorite holiday today! happy birthday to my best friend, i’m so lucky to have you in my life. you’re my favorite person in the whole world and i don’t know what i’d do without you. cuando cuento mis bendiciones, ¡te cuento dos veces! ❤️
[tagged: yourusername]
[see translation: when i count my blessings, i count you twice! ❤️]
yourusername fer <3 🥺🥺🥺🥺
yourusername thank you sm for always making me feel special on my birthday. i’m so lucky to have YOU 🫵 in my life! ni siquiera tengo las palabras, solo que te quiero y realmente eres mi mejor amigo ❤️❤️❤️🥲 (i don’t even have the words, just that i love you and you’re really my best friend)
⤷ _ferminlopez siempre! ❤️ yourusername
2022.
_ferminlopez
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yourusername and 108,234 others liked this post.
_ferminlopez when i first met you, i didn’t expect you to become such a big part of my life so fast. you became my best friend, partner in crime, someone that i could call at any hour of the day and you’d greet me so happily still. i shouldn’t have been as surprised as i was when i realized that i love you and have been in love with you since the moment i met you four years ago. you weren’t surprised though, siempre has sido súper inteligente 😂. your birthday is my favorite day of each year and i’ll never stop wanting to celebrate you. me alegro mucho de que existamos al mismo tiempo. ¡te amo mucho! ❤️
[tagged: yourusername]
[see translation: you’ve always been super intelligent / i’m so happy that we exist at the same time. i love you so much!]
see all comments below.
user7 omfg 🥲🥲🥲❤️
use8 IN LOVE SINCE THE MOMENT YOU MET ????? no this is insane
⤷ user3 literally four years, i can’t even breathe. i need their friends to lovers relationship in my life
pablogavi y cuándo me vas a desear feliz cumpleaños como este, tío? (and when are you gonna wish me a happy birthday like this man?)
⤷ _ferminlopez ahora que lo preguntaste, no será tan especial cuando lo haga 🤣 (now that you asked, it won’t be as special when i do it)
yourusername fermín, you always know how to make me feel so loved and special. that’s been your superpower since we first became friends and i’m so incredibly grateful to still be by your side as not only your best friend, but your girlfriend. thank you for making every birthday more special than the last. te amo tanto que duele <3333
yourusername i’m so glad to be loved by you in this lifetime and the next ❤️
⤷ _ferminlopez i wouldn’t have it any other way ❤️
2023.
tag list: @afterpills @fallinforerling @lettersofgold
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accio-victuuri · 4 months
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NOVEMBER 19 : The Full Story 📝
oh well sort of, cause this is what is known and shared publicly with tons of filling in the blanks by cpfs. someone made a side by side incidents during this day and time for the past years 2017 to now 2023 and it’s good to see it all laid out. it’s hilarious to see the realization among turtles that we could be wrong about their anniversary date. for years, we always talked about the month of June but now, November is making a great argument 😂
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( these freakin masterminds are so naughty! I swear!!! 🤣🤣🤣 )
source of the compilation i’m using to outline is 圣衣雪琳 cause they perfectly summed up the key points very well. I already talked about some of these in my previous post but this is for the “11/19 lore” exclusively and so we can expand on other years.
I’m a sucker for timelines so let’s go 💪🏼
2017: At this time, they already know of each other and depending on who you ask might have already been low key stalking the other. LOL. WYB’s was about Just Dance and ZZ is a selfie and hotpot ; the latter post about going home.
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I don’t think that this holds much significance in terms of an actual relationship and stuff happening behind the scenes. However, it feels like fate that they both posted on this day even without that significance being there. We cpfs love to talk about how they are fated and certain things, no matter how mundane, turned out to be a piece that completed the puzzle. There is some push back with some turtles saying this shouldn’t be included cause it seems like the start of this 11/19 is 2018 but again, just leaving this here. I could probably add 2015/2016 if we really wanna back track lol
2018: THIS IS THE KEY CPN IN ALL OF THIS. I have already explained it here. The infamous Japan trip. How both of them seemingly making references to their post from this year vs today (2023) especially XZ who even posted on the same time. There are so many rumors about this timeline, even going as far as saying the next day, they started living together. How this was WYB saying it’s WYB, not LWJ. So the relationship they have now is not between fictional characters but the real one.
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I’m eating this candy whole. No one can tell me otherwise. I’m sold 🤣🤣🤣
Have we been wrong? did they officially become together 11/19/2018. Some are even pointing out that one of GG’s photos shared today appears to be him traveling back from IM to Beijing.
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and who is in Beijing? His home. Yibo. 🏡
We love to think about them sharing photos to each other and i’m imagining this is ZZ sending something similar to WYB and saying that he is on his way back.
2019: Bazaar video was released, it’s message being a favorite among BXGs. Going by the assumption that this is their anniversary of sorts, it makes sense to have a message like that to be delivered.
how he met his love in a dream ( presumably that summer and playing wwx opposite wyb’s lwj ) and when he woke up, his love is still there. meaning even in reality, he still feels the same. no. it was not scripted, the one who shot it said it was xz’s answer and he was shocked too.
youtube
They posted some work related stuff on that day, with WYB’s being audi’s. the part of the caption we are clowning about is : Don’t blame me for not reminding you. Which in the original post and context is about the benefits you will get if you buy an Audi. but in cpn speak it could mean that ZZ probably forget, but he actually didn’t cause that bazaar love confession was clear.
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2020: I already talked in detail over here #2 with was going on at the time.
It’s also the start of the whole Thursday is a good day to see you, in reference to WYB’s vogue post. Then it snowballed into a whole CPN of it’s own.
I forgot to add one important thing tho, around this time 11/18 there schedules were public and both are supposed to go back to Beijing. WYB was from Hangzhou and ZZ was from Nanjing. The incident of WYB changing his flight 3x so he can go back to Beijing is this time 11/18. We clowned that he was so eager to be in the same city with ZZ but with what we think now, it could be he wanted them to be together badly because it’s their anniversary the next day 11/19. 🤯
2021: Both of them posting a Douyin video that involves changing clothes. Which is a very common transition trend on the app but seeing it done on the same day was a treat and unusual. GG’s was posted 11/17 and WYB was 11/19.
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I wanna remind people too that this is the same month we got the mysterious “voices” both in Shenzhen Vlog ( his husband wang yibo ) and talks of ZZ being at the Luoyang press conference filming. The same month the whole Ximalaya CPN started too. So they were definitely “acting up”.
2022: No actual posts but a parallel. 11/17, Guangdian appeared on the itunes chart because of fan’s effort. 11/18, WYB released a song ( government related ) called Light Chaser. So spotlight = light chaser has similar element and theme of light. Then on 11/20 WYB’s shared a douyin with 👀.
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2023: Probably making up for how quiet last year was, they decided to give us a big hint/s of what 11/19 is all about. 😂😂😂
This is all fake and cpn talk. I do enjoy when candies go years back! This journey of trying to piece things together is a bxg’s strength so we’re really thriving today— with all the possibly unrelated events we have managed to stitch together into this! 🙃
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jinwoosungs · 3 months
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{ 113 }
give me love.
akira kurusu x fem. reader
12 months to fall
general notes: unedited; both akira and the reader are in their 20s; the story takes place in roughly the south-eastern part of the united states (think north carolina, tennessee, virginia, etc)
{ caught in a river of records and dreams | oh, will you keep up with me? | everyone's looking for someone to hold | but i can't let you go... }
{ 2019 }
september
the fresh scent of autumn was in the air, and there was an excitement felt coursing through your veins. you were eager to start your first milestone here, your university life at the ripe age of 20.
your university was well-known, despite it being in the middle of a small town. it accepted thousands upon thousands of students each year, and you were proud to be one of them. the campus was gorgeous, and you found yourself being distracted by the various trees planted throughout it and they way the leaves changed colors. as you looked around, your breath was immediately taken away at the sight of a grand oak tree settled a few feet away.
it was as though you were drawn to it, the colors reminding you of a fiery sunset as you seemed to gravitate toward it without even a second thought. the moment you stood beneath it, you allowed your hands to gently touch at the orange leaves, not realizing such beauty could exist.
you were stuck admiring the tree for an unknown amount of time, becoming aware of someone who stood in your periphery. you said nothing to the stranger, just continued to admire the branches of the oak tree when a soft voice was heard.
"i did not realize it would be so beautiful here."
what caught you off guard was the faint traces of an accent beneath his tone. being filled with a curiosity, you look to your right to see what had to be the most beautiful young man you had ever laid eyes on.
he had wavy, ebony locks of hair and wore a pair of glasses that covered his stormy, grey eyes. he was tall and lanky, but you had a hunch that he was much stronger than he looked as you trailed your eyes down his form before looking back at his eyes. his full lips were halfway parted as he met your gaze, not once breaking eye contact with you, and the intensity of his stare was enough to make your cheeks heat up in response.
your heart was pounding, and you felt shy suddenly, unable to hold his gaze as you looked away from him. "y-yes, i've seen the leaves changing colors before, but not with such bright intensity."
you wanted to talk to this perfect stranger some more, but was cut off when your alarm went off from the confines of your bag. with a gasp, you hastily take your phone out to see the time read 9:00am, meaning you had fifteen minutes to get to your first class of the day.
letting out a tiny curse, you were about to say your goodbyes to this perfect stranger when he stops you, placing his hand on your wrist. "w-wait, don't go, i-i'm a bit lost and am unsure of where to go for my first class of the day."
you ask him what class he had, and when he says the same name of your first class of the morning, you gave him a wide smile and take a hold of his hand.
"that's perfect, we share the first class together then. come with me, i'll take you."
without giving it a second thought, you take a hold of his hand and interlock your fingertips together with his, unaware of the way the slightest dust of pink was seen settled against his cheek.
october
akira kurusu was his name, and you found out that he had come to your university as an exchange student, where he would spend a year learning about what being a student was like here in the u.s. he tells you about how he spent most of his life growing up in a small town and how due to certain circumstances, he had to spend his second year of high school in the big city.
when you asked him why he had to move at such an odd place in time, a strange look of discomfort fell over him, with akira telling you it was just something he had to do. his tone was closed off, and it was clear that he didn't wish to talk about it.
wanting to change the subject for his sake, you asked about his desire to come here to the states and was relieved when you heard him perk up once more. you spent some time enjoying a warm cup of coffee at your university's café, wishing to get to know akira better as he spoke about his interests. you felt awkward, trying to determine how akira wanted you to address him as, since you knew that in japan, many people referred to there peers by their last name. for the past couple of weeks, you have been referring to akira by his surname, but the strange glint in his eyes each time you called him kurusu made him feel too distant from you.
when you told akira about this concern, akira simply smiled at you, "you may call me akira, since i see you as a friend... well, my only friend here, really."
he was truly such a sweet and intelligent young man, telling you about how he held an interest in learning and taught himself english when he was a teenager.
you compliment him on his drive and how flawlessly he spoke. "seriously, english is a really tough language to learn, so i'm so proud of you and your hard work ku- i-i mean, a-akira."
you found yourself stuttering when you said his name, tasting it on the tip your tongue for the first time. akira's eyes widen the moment he hears you say his name, and you could have sworn you say a light tinge of pink against his cheeks.
seemingly embarrassed, akira lets out a cough before holding his cup of coffee, taking a sip of it so as to distract himself. he was acting a bit...strange- flustered was more like it. and with akira being so flustered, it made your own cheeks heat up in response.
"i-i'm so sorry, did you prefer me to call you kurusu instead-"
"no!" akira begins to vehemently shake his head, setting down his cup of coffee as a genuine smile paints his soft features. "i-i actually like how my name sounds against your lips..."
akira keeps his grey eyes on you while murmuring your own name in response, the syllables being enough to make your heart pound in response, not quite getting used to the sound of his smooth voice saying your name.
and it was in that moment that you realized you liked how your name sounded against akira's lips as well.
november
"akira sounds like such a wonderful friend, sweetheart. you should invite him over for thanksgiving!"
"m-mom!" something about her suggestion makes your entire face heat up in embarrassment.
you were nearly done with the semester, and thanksgiving break was only a few days away. after you completed your exam, you would be free to return home and enjoy the holiday with your family. but your mother's suggestion made you consider inviting akira along.
"you said that your best friend is originally from japan, right? so it doesn't seem likely that he'll go back home for just a few days. me and your father would not mind if you invited him over."
the offer was truly tempting for you as you chewed on your bottom lip, considering it. it didn't feel right to leave akira all alone when at least 90% of the school would be leaving to go back home to their families. just picturing akira all alone in his dorm room made your heart ache, and with your mother's permission, you figured having akira join you for thanksgiving would be needed.
you spend a few more minutes talking to your mother before hanging up the phone. going through your messages, you click on akira's name, the pad of your thumbs poised over the keyboard as you thought of what to say to him. as if akira himself had read your mind, you see a new text pop up from him that reads:
akira 🤓 📖 : [ hey, are you free right now? i just bought some hot cocoa for us! can i come over? ]
you 🌅 : [ YES! my roomie just left yesterday since she didn't have to take any exams. i'm all alone rn and it's kinda freaky here 😭 ]
akira 🤓 📖 : [ alright, i'll be over in a minute ❤️ ]
you felt butterflies erupt all across your abdomen upon seeing his little heart at the end, with you seeming to read his text over and over again.
you would be lying if you said that you hadn't developed a slight crush on akira kurusu. after all, he was just so soft and sweet. he gave off the aura of being the classic boy-next-door, and you wondered why he wasn't seeing anyone or was already taken.
recalling the moment you had studied with him just a few weeks ago, you brought up his relationship status out of pure curiosity (ignoring the fact that you were beginning to catch feelings for him) and was shocked to find out that he was still single.
"i was seeing someone when i was 16 and at shujin, but when i had to move back home, we had to end it. we're still on good terms though, and i consider them to be a great friend to this day!"
the familiar sensation of butterflies was felt coursing through you at the thought of akira being single, making you feel like you truly had a chance with him. however, a part of you was reluctant to truly tell him how you feel, not wishing to destroy this perfect friendship you had already developed with him.
so despite how you felt, you held back your feelings for him, wanting to cherish what you already had with such a sweet guy like akira.
a sudden knock at your door breaks you out of your prior reveries pertaining to akira, with you alerting your guest that you were coming. with an excited bounce in your step, you unlock your door to see your goofy and cheerful best friend holding up two warm cups of hot cocoa with a warm smile on his face before coming in.
"hey tr- i-i mean..." akira coughs, clearing his throat before referring you to your name. the strangeness of it all was enough to make your head tilt in question, but you ultimately decided against it. with a smile on your face, you take the hot cocoa from akira's hands while taking a sip of it. with you sighing dreamily at the taste, you beckon akira to follow you before settling yourself on the couch.
you fall into easy conversation when akira joins you, being so comfortable around each other that you had no reason to hide your true self from him. as you listened to akira speak, you felt the burning sensation creeping up against your throat.
you really wanted to ask akira if he would join you for thanksgiving, but you weren't sure if he would accept. he seemed like a very reserved person, and you didn't wish to scare him off with the plethora of family members that were bound to be in your home. but at the same time, you didn't particularly enjoy the thought of akira being all alone, either.
a soft voice calling your name coupled along with a hand being waved in front of you breaks you out of your thoughts as you see akira looking at you with concern. "are you okay? you seem out of it. is something bothering you? you know you can always talk to me about it."
the reassuring smile on akira's face was what finally gave you the courage to ask him. so, taking a deep breath, you clenched your eyes shut and told him, "m-my parents said that this was okay, but, if you can, would you like to come back home with me and spend thanksgiving with me and my family?"
the silence seemed deafening, and you were still feeling too anxious to open your eyes and meet his gaze. only when you heard the melodious sound of his laughter did you open your eyes.
the expression akira was giving you was making your heart race, with his eyes looking at you with such fondness that you found it harder to breathe. his gentle chuckle continues on for a few more seconds before he leans forward, reaching out a hand to softly grace at your cheek with the back of his hand.
"are you sure i won't intrude on your time with your family?"
you shake your head in response, feeling as though the air was sapped from your lungs the moment you witness his smile once more.
"then... if you'll have me, i don't mind spending thanksgiving break surrounded by you and your loved ones..."
december
letting akira experience thanksgiving at your household was a bit chaotic, yet so much fun at the same time. during the entire day, your parents and extended family welcomed your friend with open arms, and they had a blast learning about his culture with akira doing the same.
you were incredibly happy that akira enjoyed a lot of the foods that were piled high upon his plate, and the amount of leftovers that were still available the next day. it was so refreshing to see akira smiling so much while genuinely having such a great time.
after your finals were completed during the second week of december, you were shocked to find how quickly time was passing by, with your first semester already completed and christmas just a few days away. your parents had decided to spend the holidays up north where your grandparents resided, and you decided to stay back and spend it with akira.
when you broke the news to your mother over the phone, she seemed to understand why you wished to spend some time with akira and not leave him all alone on christmas day. she tells you how sweet he was and that she was happy for you, which in turn made you break out into a wide grin when you told her that you were only just friends with him.
yet the slight trill heard in her laughter let you know that she did not believe a single word that you said.
but truth be told, you didn't believe yourself, either.
when you told akira that you would be staying on campus, too, he gave you the brightest smile while giving you an unexpected hug. you could feel your eyes widen, taking in the scent of his cologne mixed in with coffee and something slightly spicy and sweet, like cinnamon, while returning his hug.
after a few seconds, he lets go of you while placing his hands on your shoulders. "that means we can spend christmas in my dorm. when midnight hits on the 24, come on over and we can celebrate together."
akira's excitement was palatable, and you found yourself smiling along with him while giving him an eager nod. "yes, i'll come over when midnight hits. should i make anything, or...?"
akira shakes his head before giving you a tiny smile. "there's no need, i've got everything covered. all you need to do is come by my dorm at midnight, got it?"
"got it."
you and akira still spent some time together up until the day before christmas. because he wanted to 'surprise' you, you did not get a chance to see him today, which gave you some time to wrap your present for him.
for some odd reason, akira had a deep fascination and love for arséne lupin, the gentleman thief. he often told you that his interest in learning english was to read the translated works of maurice leblanc, and that the surname leblanc held a deep meaning for him. so before finals began, you explored your local bookstore and was excited to find a leather bound copy arséne lupin, gentleman burglar.
knowing that this was the perfect gift for akira, you began wrapping the novel with a wide smile on your face. as you continued to wrap his gift, you slowly began to realize just how deeply you felt for akira, and the feelings you harbored for him were beginning to morph into something stronger than just a mere crush.
you were beginning to fall for him... hard.
once the present was completely wrapped, you looked at the time on your phone to see a text from akira:
akira 🤓 📖 : [ hey, so good news! i already completed my preparations. do you want to come over right now? ]
you found yourself smiling as you looked at the time on your phone.
you 🌅 : [ it's only 8pm. isn't it a bit too early?? ]
akira 🤓 📖 : [ yeah, i know lol but i really want to see you right now... ]
your heart was felt palpitating again, filling you with a warmth after seeing akira's text. as you chewed on your bottom lip, you began to grin before replying:
you 🌅 : [ i'll be there in 10 minutes. ]
akira 🤓 📖 liked your message.
since it was a bit cold outside, you threw on some tight fitting sweats along with a shirt and your favorite sweater, completing the look with your worn converses as you grabbed your bag and akira's present. placing the present within the confines of your bag, you fix your hair and grabbed your keys before making your way towards his dorm.
arriving in just a few minutes, you knock on akira's door, hearing some shuffling from behind as it opens just a few seconds later, revealing akira himself.
his face seemed flushed as he let out a breathless sigh of your name, welcoming you inside as he quickly beckons you to come closer. "here, come in and warm up. i've already got some dinner ready, too."
"oh wow, did you make me some curry? or omurice?" you giggle, taking off your shoes as you admired the cute cut out snowflakes hanging from the ceiling and the string of christmas lights strewn throughout the apartment.
as you admired the decorations, your eyes trail down towards the dining room table to find a bucket of fried chicken and a pure white cake settled on top of it. "what? fried chicken and cake?" you begin to giggle as you set your bag on the couch before following akira into the kitchen as he grabbed some plates.
although you knew that both of these foods were delicious, you wouldn't say that this was your typical christmas eve / christmas day meal. yet akira seemed excited all the same, "oh trust me, back home, when me and my old friends are able to spend christmas together, we would eat this and just have a good time."
the eagerness heard in his voice makes you smile, and you take one of the plates before settling yourself across from him on the table. you take some pieces of chicken while akira does the same, biting into it as you moaned at how good it tasted. "hmm, maybe you're on to something, akira. having fried chicken on christmas eve is pretty tasty."
"right? truly, i can't get enough of this."
you spoke to akira about his friends and family, and despite how he seemed to share so many fond memories with them, you could sense that he was keeping something hidden from you, something that would make his stories feel a bit more complete.
even though you held some suspicions about what akira was telling you, you allowed it to slide again since you were certain that if he wanted to tell you more, then he would do so when he was ready. you weren't going to be a bad friend and demand things from him that he wasn't ready to give.
after your delicious dinner of fried chicken, akira shares a thick slice of cake with you as you enjoyed how soft and fluffy it was. the frosting was addicting, and you were filled with so much happiness that you wanted akira to feel the same.
"hey aki?"
"hm?" akira looks away from his cake to see you getting up to take your bag. as you rummage through it, you brought out akira's gift. the two of you were completely silent as you sat back down and slid the gift across the table for him to take.
"i-it's not much, but today has been so much fun that i...i wanted to do something for y-you, too."
you watch with bated breath as akira takes the gift and carefully unwraps his. his fingertips work meticulously, and it was as though he didn't wish to tear apart the wrapping as he slowly revealed the leather bound copy of arséne lupin, gentleman burglar.
his grey eyes displayed no emotion, and you were afraid that he hated your gift. your heart was torn now, reaching out to him when he suddenly stands to walk away from you.
an iciness was felt coursing through your veins, and you felt the contents of your food swirling within your stomach, making you nauseous. your breathing became labored and you swore that you wanted to do nothing more than to get out of here, to run far away as you possible could-
yet that impulsive sensation dissipates into thin air when akira comes back with his own wrapped gift in his hands. he says nothing, simply returning to his seat settled across from you before sliding the present towards you.
all you could hear was the blushing rushing through your head as your shaky hands take the present. with careful movements, you unwrap the gift to see a slender velvet box settled on the palm of your hand. as you open up the box, you gasp upon seeing a glittering silver necklace with a snowflake pendant glimmering beneath the light.
"a treasure for my treasure." akira's voice was suddenly heard directly beside you, and you watch as his slender hands take the necklace out of the confines of its box.
you tried to keep your breathing even, yet you couldn't stop your heart from racing within your chest. you were becoming flustered, and when akira finished fastening the necklace around your neck did you finally turn around to look at him.
he wore a wide smile before leaning down closer to you. "c-can i kiss you?"
you could only manage a nod, sliding your eyes shut when you felt akira's soft lips press against yours in an achingly gentle, but sweet kiss. your first kiss with him wasn't demanding or forceful, but something that was soft and oh so giving.
after sharing a few more kisses with him did akira finally rest his forehead against yours.
while shakily saying your name, he asks, "will you be... mine?"
you would be a fool not to accept his confession.
january
time truly does go by so fast when you're having fun-
or when you're in love.
the moment you and akira became a couple on christmas eve was the best moment of your life. you had been so drawn to akira from the start and you were truly floating on cloud 9.
despite his departure looming above you, you decided to ignore such feelings of dread the moment akira must return back to japan in august. all you wanted to do was bask in the moment and spend as much time as you could with akira.
it was the evening after your first day of classes, the start of your spring semester when akira came over to your dorm to watch some movies with you on your laptop. you had a quick meal of instant ramen and put on a light, comedic film to enjoy.
you could feel akira cuddling you from behind, playing with your strands of hair briefly before softly calling your name.
"do you still want to know why i spent a year at a different school?"
you furrow your eyes a bit, reaching over towards your laptop to pause the movie. wanting to give akira your full attention, you turn around so that you were facing him, eyes glimmering with love while giving him a nod.
"yes, of course. if you trust me enough to talk about it, then yes."
he sighs before placing a kiss against your forehead. "i was sent to a different school because i was put on probation for a year, and my old school had kicked me out due to my then... criminal record."
your eyes were wide at this point, not believing that someone like akira could ever have a criminal record. akira knew what you were thinking and decided to hold you even closer to him. "i know i know. it's crazy, right? but all i wanted was to help her."
he then tells you the reasoning for his arrest, which involved a corrupt politician forcing a woman to go home with him. he didn't want the woman to do something that made her uncomfortable, and when he tried to move the man away from her, he fell due to his inebriated state.
because he was so powerful, no one believed akira when he told the cops the man had fallen by himself and was promptly arrested on the scene. you hear the way akira's voice cracked, knowing how traumatic it must have been for him as you slowly reached out to comfort him.
"oh, akira... i'm so sorry. it must have been so hard on you..."
you feel akira embrace you tightly while letting out a humorless laugh, "trust me, treasure, i've been through so much worse."
not wanting akira to be in pain, you gently frame at his face, making him face you as you could see the tears glimmering within his grey eyes. not saying a word, you leaned in to kiss him, tasting the saltiness of his tears against your lips, allowing akira to cling to you for comfort.
february
you never believed in celebrating valentine's day...
that is, until now.
you knew that it was customary in japan to make chocolates to display your romantic interest in a boy, but would it hold the same meaning if you were already in a relationship with akira?
in the end, you decided that it didn't matter, that as long as it made him happy, then you'd do something as ridiculous as making homemade chocolates for the first time just for him.
after sending akira a text that you were busy doing a project with one of your classmates (a complete lie), you spent the whole day gathering ingredients to make some chocolates for akira on this special day. while everyone else was spending it by going out to a dinner and a movie, you wanted to give akira a more traditional experience.
he told you valentine's day was kind of a big deal back where he was from and that there were many ways to celebrate it. anyone could celebrate valentine's day in either a platonic or romantic manner.
when you teased akira, asking if he got a lot of confession chocolates back when he was younger and you saw the way his face lit up in a blush was when you began laughing before kissing his cheek, commenting on how cute he was when he suddenly tackled you to the couch and began littering your face with kisses.
with the memory of that day fueling you, you put your entire heart and soul into the chocolates, following the recipe you found to the best of your abilities. a few hours later, you were able to make a decent amount of chocolate squares before individually wrapping them in cellophane and ribbons.
"whew." by the end of it all, you were sweating a bit, looking down at your basket of chocolates wrapped in a variety of different colors. it sure looked pretty, and you just hoped that it tasted even a little decent.
wishing to surprise akira, you take your basket and begin making your trek towards akira's dorm. with your heart pounding in anticipation, you knock on his door, hoping that his roommate was out and that you could spend some time with akira.
within a few seconds, you saw the door unlock with akira giving you a shocked expression. "i thought you had to do a project?"
you shake your head while holding up the basket of chocolates for him to take. "happy valentine's day, akira!"
he takes the basket of chocolates with an awed expression on his face, and you were in the midst of explaining, "now normally, i don't celebrate valentine's day at all, but i figured this would make you really happy. so, i tried to make some homemade chocolate and-"
you were cut off when akira takes a hold of your hand and crashes his lips into yours, kissing you with such fervor that it takes your breath away.
even if your chocolates may not be as sweet as you wanted it to be, akira's kisses made up for it by far.
march
akira 🤓 📖 ❤️ : [ meet me at our usual cafe, i have a surprise for you. ]
today was march 14, and you had just got out of your last class for the day when akira texted you. excited to see him again, you tell him that you were on your way and began walking toward the café with a bounce in your step.
upon entering the café, you saw akira settled on one of the tables in the corner and immediately went over to greet him. he sees you and takes you in his arms, giving you a quick kiss before gesturing at you to take a seat.
"i've got a surprise for you." he slides your favorite drink over to you, and you took a sip while basking in the warm flavor of your favorite coffee.
"mhmm, go on."
"you know the planetarium exhibit that just opened recently? well, i got us some tickets for it." akira was brimming with excitement now, completely and utterly excited for your date.
"wha- no way! that's so amazing aki! i've been dying to see it, too!" you talk about the rest of your plans for the night before akira quickly ushers you out of the café, "come on, let's get ready together, and we can enjoy our date."
with one last kiss, you tell akira that you'd meet him in the next couple of hours before heading back into your dorm to get ready. deciding to take a quick shower, you do so and make sure to clean yourself thoroughly, wanting to feel refreshed during your date with akira.
when you were done with your shower, you kept the towel wrapped around your body as you rummaged through your drawers and closet for something cute to wear. your roommate heard you pacing back and forth in your room and decides to check on you.
she knocks on your wall, catching your attention while smiling at you. "hey there, what's gotten you so jittery?"
"akira just planned the cutest and most thoughtful date for us, and i'm having trouble deciding what to wear."
you listen as your roommate lets out a hum, looking through your closet before picking out a single article of clothing. one by one, she settles the pieces on your bed before gesturing her hand out, "there we go, i think if you go with this style, it would suit you extremely well."
she gives you a wink before heading out of your room, "have fun on your date, and you can thank me later!"
you look down at all the clothes your roommate had chosen for you, only to realize that she was right-
this style was perfect for your date tonight.
you would definitely need to find a way to thank her someday.
{ ... }
when it was time for your date with akira, you met him outside of the café while dressed in the outfit your roommate had picked out for you. he seemed stunned upon seeing you for a brief moment before snapping out of it. "you look ravishing, my love."
akira meets you halfway to press a kiss against your lips, earning the widest smile from you. you wrap your arms together with his, remaining close to him as you both made your way towards the planetarium.
the walk was uneventful, but calm, with a small crowd forming outside of the building. you stood in line with akira, remaining close by his side as you rested your head against his shoulders, ready to enjoy this night with your beloved by your side.
{ ... }
after exploring the planetarium exhibit, you were left in a dreamlike state, completely mesmerized by all the beauty the universe had to offer. it was incredible to be surrounded by a sea of stars, and you were so happy akira shared this experience with you.
before you left the exhibit, akira told you to wait for him and that he'll be back in a moment. you give him a nod while standing off to the side of the exit, not questioning where akira needed to go as you browsed through your phone to pass the time.
about ten minutes later, you saw akira approach you, and that's when you lifted you head while letting out a gasp.
settled within akira's arms was a grand bouquet of roses that held a plethora of colors as its petals. a wave of emotion goes through you upon seeing the bouquet of rainbow roses, the sight so lovely that your heart ached.
"a-akira..."
"happy white day, treasure. you've made me so happy on valentine's day that i knew i had to do something equally amazing, just to show you how much i love you."
you gasp upon hearing those three special words, hands shaking as you reached out to take the bouquet or roses from his grasps. with tears streaming down your face, you grip akira from the collar of his shirt, pulling him closer as you shared yet another kiss to celebrate this amazing night.
when the need for air proved to be too much for you, akira pulls away while gently caressing at your cheek. he places one final kiss against your forehead before taking a hold of your hand. "come on, let's enjoy our night together and have some dinner. i reserved a place and would really like to try it..."
you were so incredibly happy, hugging your bouquet or roses close to you while praying that this night would never end.
april
the semester seemed to take a turn for the worst as you began to feel even more stressed out than usual with your upcoming finals as you struggled to stay afloat while amidst all the assignments.
it felt as though you were drowning, becoming so overwhelmed with everything you had to do before your spring semester ended.
and this afternoon was no better for you.
as you tried to look through your notes while typing out your study guide for one of your classes, you felt a sharp pain at the front of your head. you could feel the pinpricks of a migraine beginning to form, and you were so tired and stressed- but you needed to get this done.
letting out a shaky sigh, your hands were poised against the keyboard of your laptop once more, ready to continue typing when a sudden presence standing in front of you stops you.
"akira? what are you doing here?"
he says nothing, simply closes your laptop shut as words or protests begin forming against your lips. before you could say a word, akira ends up taking you away from your laptop and textbooks, leading you back to your room and on top of your twin sized bed.
it was a tight fit, but akira manages to lay in bed with you, holding you against his chest while gently playing with the strands of your hair. "your roommate texted me, telling me how much you were practically killing yourself with your studying."
"ugh, she's being dramatic." you groan while burying your face within his chest. "i just... have so much to do and so little time. i can't afford to-"
"you need to rest, love." akira brushes his lips against your hair, "and i will not take no as an answer."
"but-"
akira then pulls away from you, placing his lips on yours, successfully silencing you with a kiss.
"no buts, either. this is the plan... you are going to take a much needed nap with me, and when we wake up, i'll order some takeout, then we'll study together, okay?"
"okay..." was your weak reply, letting out a yawn as you fell against him, allowing your heavy eyelids to finally close. with the exhaustion felt coursing through your veins, you shut your eyes and bask in akira's warmth, feeling all of your stress melting away whilst in his arms.
may
akira's birthday was coming up, and you wanted to surprise him with a scrapbook of some sort, one that contained all of his beloved memories.
akira had no idea what your plans were, and he was currently away from his dorm to work on a group project at the library. he trusts you enough to leave you alone in his room, and you were happy for that fact.
but you wanted to make something as a type of memento for him. you had already printed out most of the pictures you had saved on your phone, but wanted to include some pictures he had of him in his hometown, if at all possible.
as you were rummaging through his room, your eyes fell onto his desk as you opened a random drawer. in it, you were surprised to find what looked like a diary with a bunch of pictures and online articles settled beneath it.
you open the diary, but could not make sense of anything that was written due to the fact that it was entirely in japanese. with a shake of your head, you place the diary to the side and look through the stack of papers beneath it.
in it, you could see a few printed pages of what appears to be an online forum called the PHAN-SITE. you caught a few other english phrases here and there, but the vast majority of it was in japanese. fueled by curiosity now, you continue rummaging through before coming across a few pictures that depicted the same group of people.
upon seeing akira standing amidst what you assumed to be his friends, you pick up the picture to admire it. they seemed to be standing in the middle of the city, and a black cat was seen settled on akira's shoulders as they were all smiling at the camera.
keeping the picture to the side, you saw something else that catches your attention. it was another article that you couldn't make out and read, yet it was the grainy, black and white photo that caught your attention.
picking up the article to get a better glimpse of the man in the picture, you saw the familiar waves of messy, black hair with a bird-like domino mask that covered his eyes. your heart was racing as goosebumps were felt all across your skin.
your hands were shaking now as you trailed your eyes over to the bolded letters settled at the top of the page.
THE PHANTOM THIEVES OF HEART STRIKES AGAIN!
the headline was enough to make you feel a bit unsteady, landing on akira's bed as you stared blankly at the online article. you were well aware of this strange phenomenon, of corrupted adults in japan having their lives changed because of this strange group of thieves.
you always found it odd that this phenomenon only occurred in japan, and was even becoming excited at the thought of the phantom thieves coming here. they were all everyone was talking about, even yourself.
so, why did akira have so many articles pertaining to them? was he once an avid fan like you were?
or could he possibly be-
that was when an epiphany hits you, with you realizing that perhaps, akira was once part of the phantom thieves of heart. you did a double take and look back at the picture featured on the article, and it was no denying of the fact that this had to be akira back in his youth.
why else would he hold on to these articles?
"hey treasure, i'm home. sorry if i kept you...waiting?"
the moment akira sees you holding on to one of the articles pertaining to the phantom thieves, he takes quick strides and rips the page out of your hand, nearly giving you a paper cut in response.
akira does not meet your gaze, and you could feel the guilt coursing through your veins at upsetting him. "i-i'm sorry, i was just trying to find hints on what to get you for your birthday and i got... carried away."
your boyfriend appeared to be close to breaking down, unable to meet your gaze as he bites down on his bottom lip.
"i... i really was going to tell you... i didn't want you to find out like this."
you stand back to your full height while brushing back his strands of hair, revealing his grey eyes to you. "you can trust me; you can tell me anything, and i'll still love you."
akira clenches his eyes shut before bringing you into his arms. he crushes you against him before laying down in bed with you. it was then that he spent the next several hours telling you everything, how his unjust arrest lead him and his friends to start a revolution of sorts in order to change the corrupt world around them.
the moment akira finishes telling his story, you felt your heart grow, filled with an unconditional love for him. kissing his own forehead in response, you tell him how proud you are of him for remaining so strong and for fighting for what he believed in.
akira remains silent with tears running down his face, holding you close to him as he buries your face within the curve of your neck, finding comfort in your warmth and mere presence.
june
it was finally summer break and today was akira's birthday, the day you were looking forward to celebrating the most with your beloved boyfriend.
you decided to keep this day simple and sweet, with akira staying in the dorms for a few more months before he had to go back home.
you didn't want to think about his homecoming, knowing that you would be in tears the moment he had to leave.
so instead, you focused on making this the perfect day for akira, baking him a small cake mixed in with some sprinkles in the batter. because you wanted this to be a relaxing and intimate birthday, you already had plans to order his favorite food and have it delivered around dinnertime.
with his cake finished, you spent the day spoiling him, singing happy birthday to akira while watching him make a wish before blowing out the candles.
"so what did you wish for?" you ask him with a teasing smile on your face. akira responds with his signature laugh, bringing you closer to him as he presses a kiss against your lips.
"sorry treasure, that i cannot tell you, for if i told you, then it wouldn't come true."
you roll your eyes at him, but relent, giving the tip of his nose a kiss before spoiling him even more with cuddles.
when evening came, you and akira were in the middle of enjoying your dinner. you had given him his first gift earlier, another journal and a sleek looking watch that he was currently wearing. you hadn't given him your last gift yet, wanting to wait for the perfect moment to do so.
and now, you finally had the perfect chance to give him your last gift.
as akira places all the empty takeout cartons in the bin, you called out to him, holding the last present behind your back.
"aki, can you come here?"
"of course, love."
he wipes his hand on a towel, placing it to the side before stepping closer to you. "what is it?"
not daring to speak for fear of bursting into tears, you slowly reveal the last present to him. akira's eyes were wide and he tries to tell you, "babe, the journal and watch was more than enough-"
you shake your head, silently beckoning akira to take the final gift and open it. with a nod, he does so, accepting your final gift. as he carefully unwraps it, he unveils the scrapbook you had taken some time to make for him.
as if mesmerized by the captured memories, he sees on the very first page the group picture of he and his friends that you had seen within his desk. and as he flipped the pages, that's when he saw all of the pictures you had taken together with him ever since you first started dating.
while akira flips through the pages was when you finally gathered the courage to speak,
"i made you this album consisting off all the pictures we took together... it took some time to extract them from my phone and print, b-but i truly wanted to give you something in hopes that you won't... that you won't ever forget about me."
when akira looks away from the scrapbook, he meets your gaze, and you could see the unshed tears glimmering within his steel grey eyes. he says your name, filled with emotion as he hugs you closer to him. "i could never forget you. i thought i had already felt love before, but that... that feeling is nothing to how i feel for you now."
he sets the scrapbook off to the side, framing your face with his two hands as you both began to cry. not caring about the tears that streamed down both of your faces, akira begins to kiss you deeply, crushing your body to his while holding you so tightly.
"whatever the future brings, it doesn't matter to me. because deep down in my heart, i know that i'll only love you and you alone."
akira begins to smile through his tears, using the pad of his thumb to wipe away at the moisture that streams down your eyes. "i promise you, i promise you that i'll never forget you, and that i'll always come back to you- always."
july
there were tears streaming down your face when you realized that akira had to return back to japan soon.
even though akira did everything he could to distract you from the inevitable, you still harbored such deep feelings of hurt.
you spent every day together, never once growing tired of each other. akira still cherished your gifts for him, making new memories with you as he filled the pages of his journal with details about you.
and despite how happy you felt, spending so much time with akira-
you were also feeling so hurt and miserable as well.
it was one of those nights where you began to feel sad once more, crying in akira's arms as he gently comforted you throughout the night.
"ssh, it's going to be alright. we'll see each other again, and i promise i'll text you and call you every day."
"i k-know that, aki, it's j-just." you could feel the tears brimming against your eyes again, "i can't let you go."
that was the final straw as you cried again, clinging to akira as a defeated sigh escapes from his parted lips.
"i can't let you go, either, treasure. ever since i met you, i feel as though my life has become so much brighter."
he whispers your name, catching your attention when your eyes met with his. wanting to do all he could to make you happy, he leans in and kisses you, not stopping as he wraps his arms around you, becoming a tangle of limbs in response.
you spent the whole night kissing and cuddling, basking in his whispers as you talked yourself into believing his promises of forever-
that what you had with akira was real, and that he would always come back to you.
august
you had no idea how you functioned without akira.
he had gone home on the exact date he was meant to leave, before the new semester began, and you did not wish to spend these final few weeks of summer alone. so, you went back home while trying to pretend that akira's absence didn't absolutely devastate you.
you hated the thousands of miles that stood between you and akira, and despite everything, you were glad that akira kept his end of the promise. even though there was also a huge difference in timezones, you did your best to make things work.
he would send you pictures in the middle of the night, and you could see how bright everything looked back at his hometown. he seemed happy in those pictures, being back with family and friends, yet even you could tell that his smile never could quite reach his eyes, always remaining tiny with the same glimmer of sadness in his gaze.
today, you woke up feeling groggy and admittedly, a bit upset. you texted akira first thing in the morning-
and had yet to get a reply back.
now, normally, you were able to brush it off, thinking he was busy doing some things with his family or friends. when this happens, akira always made sure to text you back within the next few hours, telling you about his day as you both fell back into an easy conversation.
so you waited...
and waited...
and waited...
but there was still no reply from akira.
around dinner, once he finished eating, your father suddenly excused himself, telling you and your mother that he had a quick errand to run, and that he'll return in the next hour or so. you barely heard him, still picking at your scarcely eaten dinner. you weren't even aware of how your father had just left, making your mother worry a bit.
"sweetheart, is everything alright? you've barely eaten today, and it's so clear that something is upsetting you."
you trail your eyes towards your phone currently settled on the counter, still with no text from akira. "it's stupid, you probably might get mad at me for feeling upset."
"i won't get mad, honey. you can tell me what's bothering you."
you felt your mother reach out a hand to you, placing it on top of yours as you sighed and relented. "it's about akira. i texted him a few times, and he still hasn't replied to me. and i just- i'm worried that i may have done something to upset him."
your mother gives you a sympathetic expression, bringing you closer to her as she embraces you fully. "don't worry, my dear. i'm sure he'll get back to you soon. just think positive, okay?"
feeling pathetic, you refuse to allow the tears to fall as you angrily began to wipe the dampness away from your eyes. heeding her words, you follow her into the living room to take your mind off of your boyfriend, putting on a random show to pass time as you both waited for your father to come home.
roughly an hour later, you hear the sound of the door unlocking as your father enters your home with what looks like some luggage. you were frowning with confusion now, "dad, what's with the luggage? who's here?"
he merely smiles at you before gesturing outside. "it's your surprise, that's who's here."
you could feel the feelings of hope coursing through your veins, making you stand from your seat on the couch as you ran barefoot out into your driveway-
only to see akira standing there, smiling brightly at you.
letting out a sob of his name, you ran towards him and threw your arms around his neck, feeling the tears of joy streaming down your face as you embraced him tightly.
"y-you idiot! i was so worried about you..."
you listen to his soft laughter once more, feeling his lips press against your hair, "i'm sorry, i'm sorry, but i wanted to surprise you."
you pull away from him with a pout painted against your lips. "b-but, how? how are you here?"
akira continues to smile at you, leaning down to press a kiss against your lips before explaining, "i had your parents help me prepare for this surprise. despite how arduous the process was, i'm able to continue going to university with you."
"b-but-"
he cuts you off with another kiss, "no buts, and honestly, didn't i already tell you?"
akira basks in your presence, closing his eyes while keeping you in his arms, "i will always come back to you."
epilogue - present day
you were the first to awaken when you heard the sounds of your baby crying in the next room. filled with a panic only a mother would feel for her newborn child, you throw back your blankets and quickly rush towards her room.
you call out your daughter's name, only to see that her cries had become quieter the moment akira held her whilst rocking her back and forth. his tired grey eyes meets your gaze, and he manages to send you a tiny smile all while comforting your daughter.
the sight of akira pressing gentle kisses against his daughter's dark curls was enough to make your heart melt as you tiptoed into the room. you bask in the beauty of your husband and child cuddled together all while playfully frowning at the sight.
"i'm so jealous, our princess prefers you over me."
as if reacting to the sound of your voice, you watch as your daughter lets out a soft whine, her legs and tiny arms kicking as they desperately reached out to you. not wanting to upset her, you lean down to give her your finger, watching as she automatically relaxes within her father's embrace.
"don't be ridiculous, it's so obvious that she loves both of us equally."
akira lets out a soft chuckle, beckoning you to come closer to him. when you lean down is when akira gives you another kiss, making your heart flutter with excitement as you found yourself falling in love with him all over again.
after pulling away from akira, you both look down at your precious daughter, who was already asleep now that she was in the comfort and warmth of her father's arms, a sensation that you knew of all too well.
"akira kurusu, i am so happy to have met you all those years ago. you have been my soulmate from the start, and i will never take what we have for granted."
akira's eyes were seen becoming brighter, filled with a love and adoration that you were so used to seeing as he beckons you closer to kiss you once more.
"you took the words right out of my mouth, mrs. kurusu. you have given me the greatest treasure i could ever ask for, and for that, i am eternally yours."
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a.n. - it has been so long since i have written a story for akira, and i really wanted to try this new oneshot format with the best boy in the entire world. this story was truly a labor of love, taking me around 8 hours and 9k+ words to complete this entire story. please forgive me for any mistakes, as it is still unedited 🥹 and please, do enjoy the long read ❤️
all stories are written by rei; reposts, translations, and plagiarism are not allowed.
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littlegeecko · 4 months
Text
Company.
3k+ words | Clint / Kudzu Téngwàn | Echo: Visual Novel (2019)
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Trigger warning for:
Sorta there Asphixiation experience, mentions of Brian
---
Summary:
Clint has a nightmare, then takes a moment to think about his life up to this point, and what he wanna do with it now that he's living with Kud
(Takes place after Jenna's good ending, i fill up some spaces here and there to explain their presence)
Enjoy : ]
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Clint POV
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I open my eyes.
I'm sitting on the ground, i know because there's dry dirt under my paws, but for some reason i don’t even question how i got here.
It's dark, so dark i can't make out where i am without squinting my eyes more than i usually do. I can hear the wind shaking nearby trees with a hollow whistle, it reminds me a bit of a train’s horn.
It feels like my body weighs a fuckton, my head and neck heavy and sluggish as i move them
My eyes barely adjust as i look up, to the sky, or what i assume it's the sky. It's red like blood, and some stars adorn it
Usually my vision is not that bad at night, it must be really late with no moon for it to looks this way, and so far i knew, the sky shouldn't be red...
I'm sitting in the middle of a....forest? Alone, with nothing but the sounds of nature around me and a ghostly sensation of familiarity that makes my shoulders relax. I say nothing
Deep breath in, and another out...
Branches crackle and grind together in the distance, that hollow whistle again
Breath in...breath out...
It's familiar, like a distant memory of something i can't exactly make out right now, but it sorta reminds me of that one time i followed Duke to the forest area because i was bored without Jeremy.
Duke got very angry, hissing at me in a hushed yell while looking around, then dragging me back to the entrance of the forest by the arm
Then he stood there, watching me go up the road as if making sure i was far enough to make his way back into the lush
I blink slowly. Before i close my eyes fully
Duke...i wonder where is he now.
I take another breath, but this time there's a pressure in my neck right under my Adam's apple, i get my hands up to my throat, almost a reflex
I feel something ragged, prickly and firm that scratches my paw pads like a cactus; rope.
A noose.
My eyes fly open as my ears go down.
No.
Please no.
I gasp, and suddenly i'm standing, my paws barely touching the ground and i let out a strangled wheeze, forced out my lungs as i try and grab the noose for some leverage.
I'm hanging, but i'm not hanging. Its a loop of panic and relief that lasts too short each time, everytime, my desperate breaths ending in shaky coughing
I try to weigh myself down bending my knees to no avail, letting out a whine of exertion and pain as the noose grazes my neck and leaves behind that prickling sensation again. It's strangely numb, but the pressure it's all the same.
It's stabbing me, it hates me.
 There's beads of hot blood going down my collarbone, i can feel them, i'm briefly reminded of the little cross figurine that catboy had around his neck, for some reason
I look around as i breath too fast, expecting to see something, anything that could help me get out of here, but there's only darkness.
I try to keep my whines and groans low, still trying to bend my knees. My furless tail swishing side to side as frantically as me. I hear a branch snap in the distance and-
My blood runs cold when i see it.
Standing there. A huge shadow.
It walks towards me
It's face's obscured, but it's someone huge, towering over me. It's holding something.
I can't make it out in this darkness, but its all so familiar, realization hitting me as my throat closes in around a soft squeak of absolute terror
I freeze on the spot, my hands holding onto the noose like my life depends of it as more wounds open in my pawpads, my heart hammering in my chest and filling my ears until it’s all i can hear
It breaks through the noise, i hear a snort and a high-pitched giggle that melts into a distorted, disturbing laughter, i swear i can hear static laced into it. All of my fur stands on end and i feel my neck veins bulge under the strain, i feel like there's a rock inside my throat, about to make it snap
No...it can't be. It can't be him. He’s back?!
I screw my eyes shut and i scream, with all my might, but no sound comes out.
I open my eyes.
It’s dark, but i can make out the padded ceiling and moonlight coming through a window by my side, as i turn my head to it i feel the surface under me sway ever so slightly, a water bed.
Kudzu's trailer, Kudzu's bed. Right.
I let out a sigh, it's cold outside and no sun is visible, so it must be around 3 or 4 am.
I sit up and stare down at my covered paws in silence. Usually when i dream about...him i wake up hassled and yelling, curled up in a ball by the corner until Kud calms me down with his strange little mouth sounds, but this time it feels...different. i feel empty.
If anything my head is fuzzy, my lips dry, chapped. My fur feels a little damp with sweat, except the zones around my cheeks, those feel wet and i rub my eyes to dry them. My hands are shaking
It's almost dead silent if it wasn't for the occasional chittering of the cicadas outside and the faint noise of a fan somewhere in the trailer.
I look at the curtain that leads to the hallway, cracked open a bit
Without much thinking i stand and get out.
Kudzu's trailer is very fancy and cozy, at least to me; small but organized, colorful and with all the essentials, it can get a little hot but it's really chilly during the night, perfect to curl up in bed and nap. It smells earthy, clean and a bit musky, our smells combined at this point from how long i've been living with him.
“...”
I look at a small calendar on the kitchen counter as a pass by; 2 months.
It been 2 months since me, Jeremy and Kudzu escaped on the “ghost train”, 2 months since some people helped Kud move his trailer out of Echo and into a separated zone in Payton for him to stay for as long he saw necessary, 2 months since some people picked up my sis from back there too.
2 months since i started going clean by force, and Kudzu took me in
Speaking of...
Soft snoring gets my attention from behind me and there he is, laying on the couch with a thin blanket covering him from his belly down, chest rising and falling
I stare openly, i don't feel my face move
Like an invisible force pulling me, i walk up to the couch and stand by his side, looking down
And i just....stare at his sleeping, peaceful face.
The cicadas chitter, like they're singing a song...
Kud seems to be having a good sleep at least, if it wasn't for the occasional shifting around.
I remember the conversation we had last night when he complained about his back being stiff, and i said he could sleep on his bed already, but he refused, the bastard. He said he “wanted to make sure i was comfortable and had some privacy” while i stayed with him, so he went to sleep on the couch, just like every night.
I frown a bit
Kudzu was such a weird dude.
He looked, and acted, like a fucking badass, even if he was so much shorter than me!
...And i've caused him so many problems already, he could easily kick me out and leave me to my luck, specially after all the badmouthing, scratches i've given him at times, and how my nightmare-induced yelling makes his face scrunch up in an expression i didn't like on him.
But he hasn't kicked me out, if anything, he has tried his best to not bother me in particular ways, making me feel “comfy” as much as possible
He was quiet and sensible, soft and honestly kinda girly. He had a new garden and shit, and spoke all firm but tender, especially to me, with a smile an' all, it kinda pisses me off, to be honest. Speaking to me like i'm a stupid pup...
I pout, watching him adjust his head in his sleep
His ear gets caught up under his head and i resist the urge to reach out and fix it for him, i don't want to wake him up, not right now.
...
Sometimes i can't help but wonder what is his fucking problem.
Why is he letting me stay? I'm nothing but a nuisance, a pest, everyone seemed to agree on that. Even Duke did... and even so Duke was kinda nice to me before hell broke loose. Keith was the same... Both of them lost in the void as time went on until i had no one but the gang and...
I ball my hands into shaky fists as i think of him, a lump forming in my throat as i try my best to keep tears from forming in my eyes.
...Duke was...he had his issues, and it was my mistake to follow him around to the forest when i shouldn't have, i know that. And Keith just kinda left, God knows where is he now. Both of them were nice to me but somehow ended up making things more shit than they already were
What makes Kudzu different from them? How do i know he's not going to turn his back on me when i least expect it? Or worse. He could be...scheming something. Something to do with me
I scratch my neck as i feel the fur in my nape stand up. The scars long healed but still sticking out my fur
I bite my lip to not make a noise as my stomach feels suddenly hollow.
It's a scary thought, Keith always said scary thoughts were normal and i could analyze them to get over them. It was a thing Kud said sometimes too, something about healing
Healing...
I look down at my hands, old scars on my wrists barely visible by now, and many more on my fingers, i wiggle them, my nails growing better and no longer chipped  around the edges. I see my tail curling in between my legs and it's so weird to see how fluffy it is now. It's been years since my tail looked this full of fur
Kud reminds me of Keith a bit sometimes, but he's quieter, his moves sharper, physical contact even more limited than Keith had with me.
Keith tried to protect us from the horrors of that shitty town, and failed, leaving us to our own luck... Or maybe Micha was right and he really got killed by... Him.
...could that happen to Kudzu now that i'm around him?
Somehow the pit in my belly felt emptier as i suck in a sharp breath through my nose.
No. I don't want Kudzu to get hurt, specially not for my fault
He's so kind... and he's been so patient with me even when he's visibly tired at times, that i know. I grit my teeth, i'm not fucking stupid, like Micha, Leo and he thinks i am.
He has treated me so well and i haven't done anything for him, what if i do it too late? When he's already in the face of danger cuz of me?
No, i can't let that happen, Kudzu is so cool and good. I don't want him to hate me and leave me like Duke, or to disappear like Keith...
I grip my head fur, pulling at it, and let out a long groan as my yowls pull back in a pained grimace. I wish i could get a hit right now and not think about this difficult shit that made my stomach do flips and my eyes water. It was annoying as fuck, it made me want to break shit, but i can't break any of Kud's shit, obviously.
I hit my head with the flat of my hands, my nails scratching at my thin fur with force as i pull-
"Clint?"
My eyes fly open to find a groggy Kudzu looking up at me, expression concerned as he seems to try make sense of the situation.
"...What are you doing?" His voice is firm, but not accusatory, he seems legitimately curious, worried even.
The sensation in my stomach is replaced by the beating of my heart just like in my dream, it quickened at some point apparently, but it's not super loud, it's more like when you get caught doing something you shouldn't. Embarrassment
I slowly pull my hand away from my head as my body relaxes...
I open and close my mouth, my tongue grazing over a missing spot between my teeth.
"...Couldn't sleep"
I say simply, albeit a bit shaky. He notices, he always does
Kud visibly relaxes with a strained side grin, groaning as he slowly sits up and rolls his shoulders. He rubs his eyes
"Another nightmare?"
I nod. He looks up at me.
"Want to talk about it?"
I shake my head no
"Very well" he adds, sitting up completely with a soft hiss, his hand rubbing his lower back
I stand there staring then blink in realization, both that i'm just there ogling like an idiot just playing with my thumbs and that this is a good chance to do something for him for a change. I clear my throat
"Do you want to sleep on your bed?" I ask, trying to keep my voice from wavering. He shakes his head no and i frown
"I told you i'm fine on the couch"
"That's not true" I say quickly
"Clint, i just-"
I growl in annoyance, and before he can give me that same retort from last night i grab him by the wrist, his eyes snapping open as his body tenses up
"Clint!"
I don't let him complain as i yank him up and off the couch, briskly walking to the makeshift bedroom, and he follows, stumbling a bit
He doesn't speak further more than a sigh, and i open the curtains for me to crawl inside and tug his wrist
"Get in" i say, and in a moment of sleepy lucidity he seems to pause as he catches on me also being on the bed
"I know you're trying to be nice but-"
"I'm not fucking asking ya. Get in"
I tug more insistently and this time he does follow, looking to the side as if bashful, but either too tired to fight back or just done with my shit at this point. We both know he's stronger than me, and yet he lets me do this
"You're sleeping here till your back feels better, ya hear? Even if i have to hold ya down"
He actually does chuckle at that as he gets on the wobbly mattress, shuffling about to lay his head on the pillow, and actually letting out a satisfied groan as he comfortably sinks on the bed
He has that smile on his face when his eyes turn up to me, half lidded but focused, and my mouth goes dry all of the sudden
"Well thanks, Clint" he gives me an amused look, and i can't help but think he probably believes i'm too much of a pussy to sleep alone after a nightmare. I don't fight it tho
I do a little 'hmp' in agreement, laying on my side and looking at Kudzu, whose eyes are now closed, nose pointing to the ceiling
...I look at him up and down for a moment, my tail twitches as it sways side to side between the wall and my legs. My ear twitches
Kudzu...Kudzu is really nice. I need to step it up if i'm staying here with him for God knows how long.
I'm no longer a pup or a youngling that needs Duke or Keith to guide me along. I'm on my own shit now, and away from Echo, hopefully forever. Hell even my sis made it out eventually, staying at some place only for girls...
If i'm going to survive out here too might as well get along with the one person that's actively doing something for me, unlike the others, which to be fair? they also have their own shit to deal with
I thin my lips, i sigh and relax my body, scooting a little closer to Kud, hopefully he won't notice.
All of this took my mind off the dream i had, slowly fading into the void just like the rest of em, and i, too, slowly fade into nothingness for the night. After all, Kud will be there when i wake up. I hope.
---------------
Kudzu’s POV
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Light peeks through the blinds of my window as i crack an eye open, groaning at the sun beams directly on my face. I stretch my arms over my head with a groan, then yawn
I remember last night pretty well, specially since it was a dreamless sleep... I rub my eyes as i organize my thoughts and look at the little wall clock beside my pillow
8 am... Still too early for Clint to wake up
Speaking of Clint...
This time i don't have to stand up from the couch and check behind the curtains to see how is he, as right now he's laying beside me...more specifically, on me, his eyes closed and expression serene as soft snores warm the fur on my chest, one arm (and leg) draped over my body.
My chest feels a little tight, position a bit too similar to old memories, but at the same time... it's welcomed, it feels kinda nice. I'll never tell Clint but i actually think he looks a bit cute when in a chill mood, heh...
I smile down at him and make a move to get out of bed, but his grip suddenly gets firm, holding me down and against his thin body with a sleepy grumble, face easing again when i stop my efforts.
I open my mouth to tell him i gotta stand and get ready for the day, but i close it, laying my head back on the pillow with a defeated sigh, i  guess i can stay for 10 more minutes...
My hand absentmindedly goes up to Clint's back and i feel him tense up, then relax, cuddling closer, his thigh over mine
I feel my cheeks get a little warm, but i quickly stifle the twisty feeling in my chest, closing my eyes.
I can already hear Clint saying the position was a total accident when he wakes up, and i can't help but smile a bit.
It's good to have some company.
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:3c
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dietmountaindewb8by · 3 months
Text
Prologue
alright peeps, here we go. the yandere will be a bit of a slow build and y/n and five will spend a considerable amount of time apart. later (MUCH LATER) i will make a post stating which chapter they first truly interact. for now, it is hopeless pining and torture on the other side
PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU WANT TO BE IN THE TAG LIST--NO ONE IS TAGGED IN THIS ONE, I JUST GOTTA HOPE IT REACHES THE RIGHT PEOPLE LMAOO
warnings: neglectful five, references to a past abusive relationship, references of verbal abuse, injury, five just being weird ig
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His fingers were threaded through his hair, a pale white against the black masses stuck to his head that felt as if they were suffocating more every second they remained. His bones had long turned brittle and his muscles ached as he poured himself over the same sheet of paper over and over and over again.
Stark white against the mahogany beneath his elbows. Bones against dust. 
The candle Allison had placed next to him as a comfort emitted the smell of fresh peaches and suddenly he yearned for spring again. The season where you were happiest prancing around fields and plucking flowers from their place tucked into the earth. Even in your old age you were spry, zipping through meadows whenever you could.
Of course he wouldn’t join you without a price, but you paid it all the same and were glad when he made his appearance next to you. It wasn’t as if you two were near each other all that often, anyway.
More often than not, tears stained your cheeks and his face was flushed red with anger and everything and nothing all at once.
He hated you. You loved him. 
Only when he saw the sea of red leak from your side–all for him–did he realize that maybe you were not one to be hated. You were too kind for that, too much like the flowers that you adored so much.
And so as you grew colder, realizing the monster he was, he touched you more. Held your hand. Whispered in your ear at night. 
He was planning to kiss you upon your landing in 2019. When he brought his hands to his face–no longer wrinkled and calloused with wisdom and long days of labor–he realized that they were meant for yours.
“Y/N,” he whispered, ignoring the faces of his siblings to search for yours. His brows furrowed as panic grasped at his chest. “I–”
He whirled around, his eyes scanning for something. Anything. A body, a heap, a pile of bones. Something.
He took Klaus by the lapel of his jacket. “I had a girl with me. She–did you see a girl? Any of you. Did you see a girl fall through with me?”
His siblings looked at one another, and he had his answer.
So there he sat before the same page that got you two into this mess. Over and over in the margins of the lined mass of numbers he would scratch the line of your jaw into the paper, a gentle swoop but one that reminded him of better days all the same.
The world was safe enough, he decided as he stood up on shaking legs, stuffing his gun deep into his jacket pocket. 
He stared at the lines he drew before taking an empty notebook and putting it in a satchel along with the few bottles spared in the late Sir Reginald Hargreeves’ liquor cabinet before he stared into the abyss.
And he blinked.
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vilhelmves · 2 months
Note
hehehe hello buddy!!! how r u doing u should use this as an excuse to post about ur headcanons of nitko
HELLO VANNA DEAREST… I’m good!! but yes yes ofc,,
These are all random and purely brain rot fun 👍
Nikto Headcanons:
Around 39-40?? Late 30’s/Early 40’s imo…
Second oldest to like 5 siblings (Whom ofc, he has no communication with anymore)
Built like a fridge (fucking look at the man and tell me I’m wrong)
(more + dumb doodle under cut)
Raised Catholic— not too in tune with it any more but has certainly had some form of religious delusion here or there.
Dissociative Identity Disorder— this is canon but I believe he’s got at least 3 fragments of self along with the “core” personality. (This is from religiously listening to his voicelines and realizing he’s gotten worse from 2019)
Therefore he mentally is not the same man be was pre-Zakhaev, that man is long dead and gone
Does not fuck with openly being pitied/sympathized with. He’s very aware what he went through was horrible, don’t remind him
Big emotional problems and prone to stress induced tension headaches
On a lighter note; he laughs SUPER fucking loud, and you will hear it across the base. Sounds like a hyena.
Speaking of hyenas… Somehow has one. Sputnik is most certainly his, and no one can figure out 1) where he got it 2) why it listens to him.
Despite height, and presence that demands respect, super light walker. Has startled many on both Allegiance and KorTac on “accident” because of this.
ALSO HAHA— most certainly dislikes most modern social media apps, and loathes tiktok specifically. The short attention span videos and constant audio changes irk something in him, and depending who you are he will tell you to shut the fuck up or have to physically leave.
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ok yah that’s it 👍
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ravenwoodalum · 4 months
Text
on karamelle, why it sucks, and redeeming azteca's reputation.
I just got to Karamelle for the second time, and good lord. I hadn't forgotten how much I hated it, but it hit me like a wall of bricks. And I'm already preparing myself to marathon it and be fucking done questing here for at least a year.
I think it breaks down like this.
Baby's first workers rights movement/sugary-sweet surveillance state Listen. I know this is a game that doesn't allow for player characters to have much individual impact on the in-game narrative. I know we've had to do errands for cops. I know we work for a war criminal. I KNOW there are flaws in the system. But there's something about the way that Karamelle's set up that makes it all feel so. much. worse. And that's the fact that Karamelle has such a stellar reputation within the Spiral before this. The happiest place in the Spiral, the sweetest treats in the Spiral. Everyone seems to fucking love this place. Almost no one outside of those actually working there seem to understand how corrupt it is. And so the YW is talked down to at every turn, like this is their first exposure to a corrupt environment. And sure, maybe it is within, canon. YW gets isekai'd at a very young age and then made into a child soldier, maybe this is actually the first time in canon that they've been introduced to these concepts. But (and this may just be me) it feels really rude to the player -- who might actually have experience with these ideas -- to make them feel like a fucking idiot with the dialogue options. Karamelle's characters just feel rude.
Oh, so the Gobblers were a fatphobic, Roald Dahl type thing from the start. Cool cool cool. Any of you ever read Roald Dahl's book "The Twits"? It's a very unremarkable story all things considered, except for this bit.
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Aside from Roald Dahl's unavoidable history of antisemitism, does this remind you of anything? Honestly, this reminds me of the Gobbblers.
We first meet the Gobblers around level 10 in Wizard City -- creatures driven by consumption. And then we get to Empyrea and hear that the Alphoi -- skinny "civilized" creatures -- can become Gobblers if they eat too much or are unhealthy in their eating habits. Which makes one of our oldest running enemies a loop-around fatphobic thing, ESPECIALLY when we get to them in Karamelle, the home world of the Gobblers. Rosina, especially, just oozes fatphobia and diet culture. The literal vilification of being fat isn't even subtext, it's just text.
The Old One, The Cabal, and what to do when your escape from the world ends up shoving what you were escaping from right back in your face. When I was in sophomore year of college, fall of 2019, I had one of the worst mental health periods of my life. Antisemitism was fucking everywhere, I was always a moment away from a panic attack, and it felt like no one understood. While I'm lucky in the fact that I was able to get an official diagnosis for genetically inherited PTSD, alongside the reassurance that I wasn't fucking crazy, there was a period when I just needed to go home for a moment. So when I was going back to my dorm from the dining hall to make sure all my stuff was ready to go, I opened up tumblr and made a post on a long-gone RP sideblog I had for the Swedish Chef (y'know, from The Muppets? long story), and before I'd even gotten halfway across campus, I'd received threatening and violent messages from someone RPing as Borat, which only got worse when they realized they were talking to an actual Jewish person.
That escape from reality didn't even last five fucking minutes before the horrors I was trying to avoid found me.
Now, Wizard101 has always been a source of comfort for me. I made my account fourteen years ago, and I do not know what my life would look like if I hadn't done that. There are flaws with this game, yes, sure, but over the past five years (since I got a wiz compatible laptop) I've developed a bit of a reliance on it to get me through the horrors. No better form of escapism.
But no art form is free of the horrors.
And Wizard101 has the fucking Cabal and Old One.
The Cabal within the fiction of Wizard101 is a secret, nefarious organization pulling the strings on events across the Spiral, controlling history from the shadows. This term literally originates in antisemitic conspiracy theory, with the term 'cabal' originating from the term for Jewish mysticism, 'kabbalah'. And I promise you, you've heard plenty of applications of this conspiracy theory in real life too. It feeds into the idea that Jews (or 'global elite') control the government, the media, the banks.
And then, we get to the man in control of it all. The Old One. Whether or not this was intended, he's a walking, talking antisemitic caricature. The octopus as a symbol for the mythical Elders of Zion is a longstanding dogwhistle (see attached for a guide to this and many other visual dogwhistles). "Oh, he's based on H.P. Lovecraft-" So he's based on the works of a famous racist and antisemite, cool cool cool.
It's just exhausting, walking through a world that is so clearly modeled after Germany and other parts of eastern Europe, and finding antisemitism around every corner. And even more exhausting considering it's almost impossible to tell if they meant to do it. Antisemitism is so fucking ingrained in the world at this point that I don't actually know what they meant to do here, what they did maliciously or out of ignorance, or if any of it was put in with the purpose of turning it on its head. Over the past few years, it has become glaringly obvious that a lot of people don't realize when they're running across antisemitism, or even taking part in it. Including people I really thought would know better.
Side note. For those of you who know I see Dasein as Jewish, you may be wondering how I balance that out with the antisemitic nature of The Old One, since they share a physical form. I think of it like this. Dasein did not choose The Old One. He did not choose to resemble that, but he can attempt to reclaim it. Dasein's Judaism comes not from the resemblance he holds to the hatred that haunts us, but from the love that keeps us going. He questions authority and longstanding tradition, chooses to do what's right instead of what's expected, and is kind in the face of hatred. He literally makes himself, and a world, out of nothingness. Something out of Nothing. He's so Jewish you guys.
The Spiral's "Worst World Award" goes to... I know we all say "fuck Azteca" pretty often on this website, but I don't think it deserves to be deigned the worst world in Wiz. My main gripe with Azteca is how inaccessible it gets after Xibalba strikes -- the flashing lights aren't exactly photosensitive friendly. Which further lends frustration to my completionist nature, meaning I have to finish all quests, badges, and fishing before I finish the world (making it take forever to finish). Aside from that, there really isn't that much wrong with the world (and if you argue that it sucks because you can't save Azteca, I get it, but some tragedies are inescapable by their very nature). It's a problem of gameplay, versus a problem of plot in the case of Karamelle. And maybe its just because I'm a writer, but problems with plot feel much more egregious. I really do think Karamelle deserves more vitriol than it gets.
G-d, I can't wait to get to Lemuria.
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lurkingshan · 7 months
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A Time Called You: A Great Reminder to Go Watch Someday or One Day 
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This past weekend Netflix dropped a new kdrama called A Time Called You in its entirety, and I became particularly interested in watching it as soon as I realized what it was: the Korean remake of Someday or One Day I knew had been in the works for awhile. If you’re not familiar, Someday or One Day (SOOD) is a beloved 2019 Taiwanese drama that is widely considered to be among the best dramas the country has ever produced (there is also a 2022 film version of the story, but that’s less relevant to this post). Now, I love Korean dramas, and I know that countries remaking each other’s best shit is very common in the Asian media landscape, but I couldn’t help but feel protective of the original work and a bit resentful of the choice to adapt something that was so original and unique and specific and put that generic kdrama sheen on it. Taiwan has a small film industry, and this is one of its jewels. We didn’t need Korea’s take on it.
And having watched the adaptation in full now, I am feeling pretty justified in that initial feeling. Let me just say upfront: A Time Called You (ATCY) is a perfectly good drama with a solid cast and competent storytelling. Had I seen it absent the knowledge of what it was adapting, I probably would have liked it a lot. But I have already seen and loved Someday or One Day, so I feel compelled to break down why it is the better version of this tale, both for my fellow SOOD devotees who are wondering how this adaptation stacks up and for folks who have only seen the kdrama in the hopes that you’ll decide to watch the original. As usual, I did the most, so reader be advised that this is long (tagging @troubled-mind as promised and @smittenskitten because I saw you were looking for a comparison of the two dramas). TL; DR: if you liked ATCY, or have seen neither version and are wondering which to watch: go find Someday or One Day, because it’s an overall superior and more satisfying execution of the same story.
The Vibe
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Let’s start here because it’s the most obvious and immediately striking thing as someone who has seen both versions. SOOD has a bit of a rough and unpolished feel, which makes it feel more grounded in reality (important when you are getting into fantasy elements like time travel but you still want the characters to feel like real people). We open our story in 1998 in a record shop with a young girl playing Last Dance by Wu Bai and China Blue, a 1996 mando pop rock ballad, and thus setting the tone—this will be a somewhat raw and bittersweet story about grief and hurt and longing that will invite us to wallow in our feelings. And that melancholic vibe stays throughout the drama, even in the explicitly happy scenes, because you are always aware that the joy you are seeing has already been lost. 
By contrast, ATCY feels… emotionally flat. Don’t get me wrong, it is a very faithful adaptation. The early episodes are practically a shot for shot remake of the original drama. But it’s too polished, too shiny. The filmmaking is bog standard kdrama fare; everything is soft focus and warmly lit and too beautiful and consequently nothing feels real. It feels right in line with the standard aesthetics of recent mainstream Korean dramas, and that choice undermines the emotional weight and grit of this story.
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A great example of this can be seen in the way the two dramas handle the iconic scene where our female lead runs in the rain, looking back over her shoulder to smile in delight at the male lead before continuing on her way. This is a moment of realization for him about his feelings for her—one he will later immortalize in a painting that becomes part of the mystery of the past she is trying to unravel. In Someday or One Day, this scene takes place on a regular street, in the utterly mundane surroundings of their everyday lives as they walk home, and she runs down the middle of the road as puddles gather in the uneven pavement; in A Time Called Love, they are in a picturesque park for this scene, surrounded by green and encased within a grove of giant trees, and she runs right down the middle of a tree lane that looks like it came straight out of a fairytale. One story is very much about a love grounded in a reality we can recognize; the other is pure fantasy romance.
The Music 
I already mentioned the song that anchors the Taiwanese drama above. Last Dance is hugely important to the story, both thematically and as a plot device, and in its ability to set the mood and tone of the drama. 
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The Korean remake similarly uses a real 1996 ballad as its main song and time travel mechanism: With My Tears by Seo Ji Won. And, uh, the vibe is a bit different. 
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Discerning listeners might recognize this as one of the many classic love ballads performed by our favorite doctors by day, rock stars by night over on Hospital Playlist. It’s a perfectly fine song. But it sets quite a different tone for our story, doesn’t it? It also is meant to be a song that a teenage boy is hankering to listen to on cassette, and listen, I wasn’t living in Korea in 1996. I have no idea how culturally accurate that may be. I’m sure there were in fact baby Lee Ik Juns running around trying to get their hands on this cheesy love song. But the edgier sound of Last Dance definitely sounds more in line with something the teenage male lead would listen to and what the music is meant to convey. And frankly, since we hear this song about 30 times in the drama, it matters that Last Dance is just an objectively better song. 
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg, because beyond the classic song each version chose to use as its centerpiece, there is also a stark difference in the quality and tone of each drama’s OSTs. Here is a compilation of the Someday or One Day tracks, including the utterly gorgeous main theme by Shi Shi. The music is hugely important in the Taiwanese drama and is used to set the mood as well as emphasize its themes, and the tracks feel specific to this story.
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And here is a compilation of A Time Called You OSTs.
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If you’re familiar with kdrama OSTs, you will recognize most of the artists on here, as well as some new covers of old songs. And again, the vibes are quite different. Whereas SOOD was very intentional and specific in its music choices, ATCY just sounds like every other kdrama. There is nothing on this tracklist that stands out or evokes the kind of feeling that the SOOD tracks do.
The Main Couple
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The name and timeline situation in this show makes this section unnecessarily difficult, so let me just make a little reference sheet here: 
Someday or One Day
Alice Ke plays Yu Xuan (2019) and Yun Ru (1998)
Greg Hsu plays Quan Sheng (2019) and Zi Wei (1998)
A Time Called You
Jeon Yeo Been plays Jun Hee (2023) and Min Yu (1998)
Ahn Hyo Seop plays Yeun Jun (2023) and Si Heon (1998)
All of the actors here are seasoned and very good at their jobs, so I am not casting shade on any of them—they are executing their performances based on writing and directorial choices. But I cannot deny that the Taiwanese version of these characters are more compelling all around. In SOOD, the main characters have a real spark; despite the melancholic undertone of the story, there are moments of genuine joy and when they connect with each other, you feel why this bond is strong enough for them to find each other through time and despite all the trauma they endure. In ATCY, however, the characterizations are muted.
This is most evident in the difference between Quan Sheng/Zi Wei and Yeon Jun/Si Heon. Greg Hsu plays Zi Wei as magnetic, playful, mischievous, utterly lovable, and very intense about his feelings for his lady. He has a real joie de vivre about him that clearly brightens up Yu Xuan’s life considerably, and his devotion to her is not just shown, but deeply felt. Experiencing their memories, you understand immediately why Yu Xuan can’t move on from his death; he was the joyful, relaxed counterpoint to her more ambitious and serious personality. Si Heon, though? He is a nice dude and a generous partner and he is very good looking. But he doesn’t have the playfulness or the intensity that his Taiwanese counterpart does. His personality is just more moderate all around. One great example of this: upon discovering that he has traveled forward into the body of the person that would become Yu Xuan/Jun Hee’s boyfriend, Zi Wei (in Quan Sheng’s body now, are you still with me?) actively decides to find her, love her, and try to solve this time loop quagmire they are in; Si Heon (in Yeon Jun’s body) waits for a moment of fate to give him a sign, and only makes the decision to pursue Jun Hee after running into her by coincidence.
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Similarly, Jun Hee is not quite as spunky and sassy as Yu Xuan and Min Yu is not as dark and awkward as Yun Ru; when Jun Hee travels to the past and takes up residence in Min Yu’s body, the differences between the two characters she is playing are not as evident. In SOOD, I could tell at a glance who is in Yun Ru’s body; in ATCY I need more context to be sure. Where Yun Ru had more of an edge, Min Yu simply reads very shy. It’s not as compelling. One scene that really stands out as an example of this: when Yun Ru is pretending to be Yu Xuan in 1998 and looks in the mirror to practice smiling, it looks downright creepy and sinister; when Min Yu is masquerading as Jun Hee and looks at herself in the mirror, she just looks awed and happy, if a bit awkward. It’s subtle, but it changes the way you feel about the characters. 
The difference in Jun Hee and Yeon Jun’s characterization also affects the couple chemistry, which is just not nearly as strong in ATCY. The characters are more muted and thus the expected sparks are more like smoldering embers. The relationship feels cozy and warm and nurturing, but it doesn’t feel vital. It doesn’t feel like the kind of relationship you would fight through time or break the rules of the universe to return to. I recall gasping or crying or laughing out loud throughout SOOD because I was constantly taken aback by Greg Hsu’s arresting presence and the chemistry he and Alice Ke generated was just emotionally riveting. When Yu Xuan told Zi Wei (as Quan Sheng) that they were officially together, that man literally jumped for joy and shouted out his love for her; Si Heon (as Yeon Jun) reacts to the same moment with a quiet smile and a hug. When Zi Wei saw Yu Xuan in Yun Ru’s body again in the finale, he knew instantly that it was her and the smile overtook his face as he reached for her; Si Heon initially called Min Ju’s name before getting closer and taking several beats to realize it was Jun Hee (ruining this iconic moment is perhaps this remake’s greatest sin against romance, my god). 
Everything between the couple in SOOD was just more, both in happiness and in despair. I liked Jun Hee and Si Heon, and Ahn Hyo Seop and Jeon Yeo Been are very competent actors whose performances I have loved in other dramas, but they didn’t achieve that level of chemistry here, the writing and directing choices worked against them, and I didn’t feel that same desperation for them to figure this out that I did with Yu Xuan and Zi Wei. 
The Story 
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The Korean version is a very faithful adaptation overall (I haven’t mentioned Jun Jie and In Gyuk because his character and story is more consistent across the two shows), but does make some small tweaks to the story, some of which seem to be out of necessity due to a shorter run time (one episode and a couple hours total less than the Taiwanese original) and some just… because? The shorter amount of story time does lead to them having to cut corners on some aspects of the mythology and time travel lore, making it all a bit less clear for folks who don’t already understand what’s going on, and they put in a few nods to typical kdrama tropes like amusement park dates and hand of fate stuff that we really didn’t need—they are already trapped in a time loop together, we get it!
ATCY also messed with the timelines and ages for reasons I don’t really understand and that don’t really track. In SOOD, Zi Wei traveled forward from 2002 to Quan Sheng’s body in 2010, met Yu Xuan, and then died in 2018. In ATCY, Si Heon traveled forward from 2002 only to 2007 and did not die until 2022—but the relationship dynamics are all the same. It made sense for a young couple who had been together about 7 years and who were in their mid-20s to be having the kind of relationship problems they did—fighting about prioritizing careers and time abroad and whether it was time to get married. But a couple who has been together nearly 15 years? Who are in their mid-30s? They would have already been married probably and had a couple kids to boot. The choice to change the timeline like this had me scratching my head and accomplished nothing for the story. 
But neither of those things are the change to the story that is weighing on me most. That occurs in a very small and brief backstory for the real Yeon Jun, where the drama introduces an original character who has no counterpart in SOOD: Tae Ha. 
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In SOOD, the real Quan Sheng is a closeted gay teenager who meets a tragic end: he confesses to his crush, gets brutally rejected, then gets bullied when the crush tells others about his sexuality, and ultimately decides to walk into the sea in an attempt to end his life, a choice that leaves his body in a coma until Zi Wei’s consciousness takes it over. In ATCY, this backstory changes and Rowoon is brought in for a brief but impactful cameo as Tae Ha, Yeon Jun’s cram school friend. We see that the two have mutual feelings for each other but are both struggling to confess. One day as they are driving together, they finally explicitly acknowledge their feelings, holding hands and smiling at one another—and then immediately get hit by a Truck of Doom (easily one of the most tired kdrama tropes), Tae Ha dying on impact and Yeon Jun ending up in a coma with Si Heon’s consciousness eventually taking over his body like in the original story. 
Now on first glance, you might be inclined to give the show some credit for including a new gay character and giving the original Yeon Jun a happier experience with his crush. Explicit gay representation? In a mainstream kdrama? Still very rare and a big deal if done right. But if you think for a moment longer you’ll realize we can’t give the show credit for this, because this is a textbook execution of the Bury Your Gays trope and the narrative punishment that befalls gay characters who act on their attraction. Essentially, what the Korean remake did here was reveal these two characters are gay, killed them both immediately after they decided to pursue a relationship with each other, and then had the het male lead character take over the body of this gay man and use it to enter into a relationship with a woman. Some aspects of this plot were present in the original tale, but this choice to add an additional gay character only to kill him and tie it to their moment of acknowledging their mutual attraction? Made it significantly worse. It was badly done and I will not applaud the drama for representation when they did it in such a cruel way. 
The Ending
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SOOD ends on a hopeful but somewhat ambiguous note, with Yu Xuan in 2020 finding a way to go back and save Yun Ru (and Jun Jie by extension) and then breaking the time loop, sacrificing her relationship with Zi Wei in the process even as it breaks her heart (because the only way for them to meet and fall in love in 2010 was to stay in the loop). She sacrifices their romance, and all their memories together, because it’s the right thing to do—she inadvertently destroyed Yun Ru’s life with her time traveling, and she couldn’t live with that knowing there was a way to fix it. We are left with a broken time loop, original teen Zi Wei meeting child Yu Xuan again in 1998, and the hope that they will find a way to make their fates align again and be together without time travel complications. It’s just the right bittersweet touch to end the story on; their previous relationship was lost and their sacrifice was real, but there is hope for another version of a happy life together, someday.
By contrast, ATCY goes for a more explicit happy ending: Jun Hee makes the same choice to go back and save Min Ju, and to break the time loop and sacrifice her relationship with Si Heon, but in ATCY we then jump forward to 2011 to a happy epilogue to see Si Heon and Jun Hee meet as adults. And look, I love a happy ending! But what I said above about the sacrifice Yu Xuan and Zi Wei made in SOOD really resonating because of its bittersweet ending? That’s absent here, because ATCY decided they needed to put a bow on it and reassure us they would get back together. ATCY was just never willing to let us stay in the grief or commit to the darker and sadder aspects of this story, and as a result, the whole thing loses some of its impact.
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unicornosaur · 3 months
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Dan and Phil Appreciation Week - Day One: Favorite Dan and/or Phil Quote
"Time changes everything. With the lives that we have we can try anything we've dreamed of. I want anyone that's ever felt like this to realize you are never trapped. There is always hope. You just need to believe in yourself and get to the other side." - Dan Howell, "Basically I'm Gay" 2019
This quote means a lot to me. BIG came out at a time where I was immensely struggling in my life. It brought me a lot of hope. I still have this quote saved in a note on my phone. It's a constant reminder to keep going. We've got this <3
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hyptrance1 · 4 months
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Hypnosis Challenge 4 : Hypnosis Boogaloo 
Hi guys, this is my fourth hypnosis challenge, and the first one I have written since probably 2019. I have had a lot of people asking for a new one so here it is. The goal is simple: try not to get hypnotized while reading this. If you don’t congratulations, you won! I’m super happy for you. If you do lose the challenge and go under, you’ll be given a post hypnotic suggestion to dm me your first name, age, and a phrase. If you dont want to do that, then my best advice is to not do this and leave now 😅. Simple as that. If you do decide to do this, just know that this is 18+ so don’t continue if you’re not of age. I mean it. Alright, that seems to be enough forewarning, so without further ado, let the challenge begin and good luck!
I’ve done a lot of these text inductions before and from one sub that has gone under to them a lot, he says that this is how he usually finds himself when he starts reading one of these inductions. He says that he tries to not get too comfortable, because getting too comfortable especially when reading makes it that much easier to focus on my words in front of him. Mind you, he also says that reading those first few sentences, just like diving into a book that you really want to read or a movie that you really want to see, sucks your attention is so that without even realizing it he’s shifting in his seat or in bed, getting into a more comfortable position while reading my words. It’s almost like a subconscious reaction, just settling in to focus on something. It makes sense, we are programmed to try and get comfortable when focusing on something, makes it easier to read and focus. Our bodies just want to get comfortable anyways, so completely makes sense to me. 
He then says that the wording I use for the induction is pretty nice. It’s like he’s reading his own thoughts sometimes. Usually he says he hears it in his own voice, like an inner monologue, slow and rhythmic. I don’t intentionally do this mind you, it’s just the way that I write tends to be easy enough to read, at a good pace, and sounds just like someone talking to you. He said that I also use words meant to make the reader focus more, like follow, focus, simple, easy. I don’t really understand what he means by this, but I get the gist that the words I use make it easy for people to focus and pay attention to. It’s not too hard to understand. I don’t use big, difficult words. It’s all just pretty simple. 
He then says that I do a good job at describing how he feels when he is reading my words, what his body feels. His breathing slows down and then his body just seems to relax with him. That was an easy one to explain to him. How our bodies start to naturally just relax when we slowly begin to inhale fully and gently exhale completely. It allows for more air to get into our bodies, which allows for our muscles to begin the process of relaxing. He called it melting into his seat, which is cute, but relaxing is the better way to describe it. Usually I remind people that each slow inhale and gentle exhale is also doing something for them as well. Each slow inhale allowing for more positive emotions to begin filling the body: happiness, calm, relaxation. Every gentle exhale though does the opposite, it allows for all the negatives to leave the person and allow for them to relax further. Less worries, cares, stress. It can just be breathed out while you allow your body to relax and focus on the positive feelings coming in with every slow inhale. 
Usually I focus on the lowest part of the body and work my way up, but its also nice sometimes to just have the person picture where they hold in the most stress in their bodies and let the tension their go first. For me it’s the shoulders. I always seem to have a lot of tension there, so I would imagine as I am slowly inhaling all this relaxation flowing into my shoulders, pushing out any stress, tension, or tightness for me to gently exhale. I can feel my shoulders get heavier then, sink lower down my sides. Then, when I feel I have gotten rid of all the negative in that part of my body, I would move onto the next part, and then the next. Allowing the slow inhale to unstick the negative things from their place and the gentle exhale to breathe them out. 
But I forgot why we’re here, to focus on an induction. My sub says that the next thing I do is tease him a little bit, say that he is having trouble looking away from my words even though the goal of the induction is to try and not go under. I would say something like, “you can look away all you want, but you notice that your eyes slowly continue to return to their spot on the page, and you find that you continue reading at a slow and easy pace”. He says that anytime he reads that he remembers he’s supposed to try and resist, and tries to look away, but his eyes always return back to the same part of the reading. Again and again, trying to look away all the while his eyes just return to the thing they know he wants to continue reading. It’s cute how he says it can be frustrating resisting when my words make it so easy to relax and focus on. 
He lastly said that I just seem to relate to the guys that read my words. I understand that it’s not always my relaxing words or easy phrases that make a guy finally sink completely to my words. We are all normal people, some of us are stressed, some of us have had a long day, some of us have just come back from work or the gym, and some of us and just wanting to goo deeper into that mindless, empty, peaceful feeling. Whatever the case, that also contributes to guys going under to my words as well. 
It is usually at this point in the induction that I find a guy is probably relaxed enough, calm enough, and focused enough to try and take under completely. By this time their slow inhaling and gentle exhaling has caused most of the negativity in their body to be filled with positive, comfortable feelings, and their bodies are usually relaxed by this point. Their minds focused on my words, there’s really nothing else left to do besides count down from ten, letting  them know that their minds will sink deeper and deeper with each number until, when I reach 0, they will be completely hypnotized. I usually ask if they understand that, especially since if they are so relaxed, reading further will take them under and they will lose the challenge, but the challenge usually doesn’t seem important to them now that they’re so content reading my words, listening to them floating in their heads, and wanting to go completely hypnotized. So I begin. 
10
The countdown is slow, with spaces in between to remind guys how they’re feeling. 
9
Still slowly inhaling and gently exhaling. Allowing for the rest of their worries and stress to disappear from their bodies. 
8
No need to worry about thinking or thoughts when you’re so focused on my words. 
7
Completely relaxing your muscles. 
6
Gently exhaling your thoughts.
5
My words filling your mind.
4
Simple. Easy. Relaxing. 
3
As you allow yourself. 
2
To sink. 
1
Completely Hypnotized.
0
Empty. 
Now at this moment you just wanted to continue to read. Continue to follow the words in front of you. At this point you feel yourself hypnotized and entranced by my words. This lovely feeling is enveloping you like a comfy blanket. 
You should also know, if you are feeling so good and relaxed, that you are under hypnosis. As a reminder, this meant that you lost the challenge and had to complete a task for me. The task is simple. When you wake up from this trance you can dm me your first name, age, and that you lost the challenge and were hypnotized by my words. If you do not wish to complete this post hypnotic suggestion, please feel free not to complete it and to disregard the rest of this paragraph. For those of you that are okay with following this direction, you can feel that post hypnotic suggestion flow into your mind with the rest of my words, ready to be followed when you wake up. 
Which, in another moment you will wake when I count to 3. I want you to all feel nice, relaxed, and hoary when you wake from this trance, content and feeling well rested. You will feel peaceful from your time reading these words. Now:
1
Thoughts returning to your mind
2
Becoming more alert, more awake, more conscious. 
3
Wide awake. 
Wide, wide awake. 
Alright then, hopefully you enjoyed this new rendition of an old classic challenge. If you won or lost, congratulations and I hope that you enjoyed yourself somehow. If you have questions comments or concerns feel free to let me know. Other than that, until I do another one of these…if I do another one of these…maybe. 
Have a good one. 
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knifedog-machina · 22 days
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Daemons To Systems, And The Ways They Intertwine
Hey, I’m Max, he/they - I’m the host of our system, the guy who lives in the front and has only ever lived here, the one who identifies our body as my body specifically. A few nights ago, we realized something about our system origins while talking to some other systems, and I’ve honestly never heard of it happening before, so I thought I’d talk about it.
I used to think that I was a singlet before Jude and Gavin walked in. Now I’m pretty sure I wasn’t. See, before I was the host of a system, I was a daemian. I had three daemons, over the course of my time practicing daemonism, interacting with the community. And they were all a little weird.
The first one was Charlie, affectionately longformed as Charlemagne. Xe appeared in January 2018 as a red fox, said that was xir settled form, and never changed from that. That’s an option for daemons - I know other daemons who chose their forms, independent of how well that form represented their daemian, and stayed that way - but it was in contrast to how most people seemed to do it. I never really felt the need to find a form that fit my personality, not when xe was so confident that this was what xe was.
I didn’t try to make xir do anything, I didn’t decide to give xir faux autonomy - xe just did things xirself, with or without my prompting. Xe was playful, optimistic, a cheerful presence always willing to race around and perk me back up. I really needed xir, back then - I was going through a lot of stress in high school, and I needed someone around to remind me of the whimsical little joys in life. Xe fronted sometimes, and I loved when xe did, conjured phantom tail and paws and big fox ears and an unstoppable zest for life.
My next daemon, Martin, appeared in May 2019 after a fever dream. Really. I was sick and tired and miserable, and I didn’t want to do anything, including things that would make me feel better, and a new internal voice appeared in my head. She told me to drink some water and get to sleep. The next morning, she was still there, lounging around as a large black dog, and she stayed.
This became her role, her purpose in our mind, being a shepherd for my needs. She ran our faulty executive functioning, told me to take care of myself when I forgot important things, encouraged me when I failed to meet expectations. She raised her hackles when anyone tried to overstep our boundaries, and advocated for doing what we needed to protect ourselves, regardless of whether it was nice or polite.
Charlie and Martin overlapped in existence for a while. Charlie loved having a big sibling to play with, and Martin was fond of xir. So I had two daemons for a while, and the arrangement was nice. As I transitioned out of high school into college, my circumstances and environment drastically changed. Charlie was sweet, but xe stopped having a function in my life, so over the months, xe popped up less and less, until xe faded away entirely. Xe wasn’t upset to go, and xir memory is a comfort to me - xe served xir purpose, brought me joy, and had a life well lived.
In October 2021, I created a new daemon, compartmentalizing my emotional dysregulation and disordered anxiety into something that was Not Myself, so I could talk to it and understand its needs without being overwhelmed with distress. This became the feral shadow of a dog that we named Cortisol, nicknamed Court - and if Martin was our Freudian superego, who provided guidance for my decisions and stability when I got stressed, Court was our id, feeling all the explosive emotions that I couldn’t externally express and curling up for scritches like a beloved pet when it got what it needed.
We stayed like that for almost a year, getting familiar with the rhythm of life together. Then, in August 2022, my current headmates walked into my brain. My daemons vanished for the duration of their stay.
They only stayed around a few days, that first time - I was moving to a new place and having new people in my brain simultaneously was overloading our mental RAM, so I was forgetting a lot, and I decided that I’d rather live with them some other time. They understood, we said our goodbyes, and they walked out the next morning. (Recounting this to my friend Tanix was hilarious, by the way. “what the fuck (positive)” he said, his own headmates unable to do this. The joys of being a gateway system.) Once the headmates were gone, my daemons returned into my life.
They came back in March 2023, after I settled down into college for a while, and the memory didn’t jam up like it did previously, so we didn’t part ways this time. Martin and Court vanished overnight, again, and looking back on it, I’m noticing some patterns.
Gavin is basically performing the same role that Martin did - he’s the guy reminding us about our responsibilities, talking through the emotions when we feel like garbage, telling me to eat when I forget, or encouraging me to eat when I have enough sensory issues that I can't stomach anything. He consistently fronts when talking to people we don’t especially like, because he feels protective of us and tends to be the most patient with annoyances.
He’s also literally just some guy, just a decent human person who wound up in here because his partner arrived in my brain five minutes before him and understandably got really upset about it, so he followed them in. Somehow. We don't know how it works, but I also don't know exactly where the first two of my daemons came from, so I’m fine leaving it as a mystery.
(He has a lot of complicated feelings about the position he's in, playing a daemon’s role as a completely different person from me, and will probably write his own post about it some time.)
Jude is, unfortunately, kinda in the same role as Court. And since Court held the emotional dysregulation in my brain, Jude also holds the grand majority of the distress and anxiety that we feel on a regular basis. We all really wish it was split more evenly, because Jude tends to not only lose the ability to talk when they panic, they also get stuck in the front, completely unable to talk to me or Gavin.
(It’s not even that they feel the stress that directly affects them, it’s that on top of the stress that we get in our daily life. They regularly had panic attacks over my grades and exams last semester, and they weren’t even the one studying for it at all! It’s fucked up and I don’t love it for us.)
And there are other interesting little coincidences. You know how Court was a sketched-in sort of black dog? Jude only really realized they related to dogs upon arriving in the system with me, and the archetypal form they identify with is, again, a stylized black dog.
It’s really interesting, the ways my brain decided to be plural, because I didn’t think I was a system back then. I had a daemon, then two daemons, and they were daemons because I considered them parts of myself - no matter how autonomous they were, we were bound together in the same identity, as parts of the same person. They were reflections of me, and I loved them like I loved myself, and they loved me with the same ferocity.
With this realization, that my daemons effectively merged into my system, I did have to ask - are my headmates also parts of me, since they’re falling into the same functional compartments in my brain? We don’t think so, or at least, we don’t think it’s that simple. 
They’re completely different people from me, people who arrived here with their own lives and memories and identities. They aren’t autonomous reflections of my psyche like my daemons were. They’re my weird roommates who moved in with me, and my boyfriends, and I guess you could say we’re life partners - because hey, what’s a partner if not someone you share a life with? What’s more intimate than sharing the same body, hearing each other's thoughts and feelings? They aren't parts of me, but we live the same life together, and I think that counts as something just as significant.
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