#ANYWAYS IM RLY STARTING TO FEEL LIKE MYSELF AGAIN.....

[solarcas]

Hello everyone <]:) just plopping in one last time to tell you that I'm retiring solarcas for the time being. The spn brainworms left me (they're probably already seeing other ppl smh), and I don't see myself making any new content for it anytime soon and I don't wanna keep a seperate space for it anymore. You can follow my main @masters-calling if you wanna stick around, but no pressure. If you were just here for the desitels I get it <3 I will still rb spn stuff over there occassionally when it crosses my way bc I'm not fully done w it (bc let's be real when is one ever hfkfhfk) and maybe one day I'll revive this blog who knows. If the brainworms ever return. Or if jackles drops the tapes whatever happens first

I'm not deleting this blog now or ever so all my art will stay up here :) thank you for the great time everyone!!! Spnblr, despite its many ups and downs, was a whole lot of fun and allowed me to meet many cool people <33 wishing you all the best!!! 💕👋🏼☀️🫂

#i feel like i need to end this w saying smth grand but. honestly i said everthing there is to say #and who knows maybe i'll just need a break of a month or two and then i'll return. we'll see #i already unfollowed like. 200+ blogs last night to clean my dash from spn fhdkfhfkd i kept the close mutuals tho (i think mist of you #already follow my main anyway xhkffhdk <3) and i already feel much better #i think part of me being so done w this interest is that i focused all my creative energy into it #and while i rly found myself as a fanartist through this it is also an open invite to burnout so. #i feel like i need to find my own artistic voice again. branch out a little and what not #anyway. its been fun!!!! 💕😚 im already missing some of you. esp my blorbos from my notes i had a few under all my art pieces that i had #started to recognise. schnüff #i'll see yall in another life (my main) <333 fhkddh #solar posts #personal

[pepprs]

all my attacks for art fight 2023!!! team werewolves ftw 🐺🎨✨

#purrs #my art #i did most of these in the first 5 days of art fight and burned out IMMEDIATELY (but also i gave myself carpal tunnel over it + life got #kinda hard / busy anyways lol so there was a lot going on) so i barely did anything art fight related for the next 3 weeks and ended up #finishing all my wip revenges in the last 24 hrs of the event 💀💀💀💀 but even still i had a great time and im rly proud of myself! i think #im really starting to pin down my style again which feels rly good after not drawing for like 3 yrs. tysm to everyone who attacked me esp m #beloved mutuals ily all so much and it was a PLEASURE drawing ur characters!! for those i didnt get to attack back... see u next yr >:"~) #also 2 fun facts! 1) this is the 2nd yr in a row that my last attack of the yr featured a snail-related character… and 2) SO many of the #characters i drew this yr are wearing spiked collars / armbands it’s kinda wild. i choose to see it as a prophecy that led me to joining #animal jam (but also the one animal jam attack i did (HIIII MICHAEL) literally did get me into animal jam lol <3)

[combeauferre]

.

#once again overthinking about how i keep considering adhd medication to be some kind of life changing drug #like im just. waiting for my life to start? when i get on meds? #and there's like. a decent chance it is not gonna be like that for me #no antidepressant or adjacent has ever worked for me before #and i shouldnt rly get my hopes up and i should probably just find other ways to help myself #but it's like 'oh no i cant do that bc i have this thing later' but on a larger scale #idk #i just keep getting stuck on like #what if im just like this for the rest of my life #what if there's no treatment that works for me and what if i just cant do shit and leave things to the last minute #and feel overwhelming intense rejection and lowkey constantly hate myself #and go through all this with no remedy for the rest of my life? #what then? #idk i think im still coming to terms with like. #adhd actually being a disability #the vindication of 'oh im not faking all these things i actually Do have adhd' #is slowly being replaced by 'oh. i have adhd and i actually have to deal with that now bc it is disabling and debilitating' #and it's just. shit #anyways #ignore me #incoherent rambling

[bonyato]

Sorry abt the occasional digiposting as of late, im coming to terms w/ the fact that it's starting to grow on me orz

#clenches fists. #wondertext #I started watching it w/ some friends recently..for nostalgia reasons in their case‚ but also to introduce me 2 the franchise as well #since it never rly was part of my childhood & i was curious as to what the fuss was all about hsjwjfj #Anyways i never rly took the events all that seriously since I thought shit was so off the wall it was funny But #after nearly 24 episodes i've found myself getting emotionally invested w/ the show at last 😭😭 it's been a journey #ive been progressively getting accustomed to all of its strange concepts . I think im desensitized at this point /lh #like evn the monsters themselves now have me like..ok...Youre not so bad after all. u got a creepy-cute kinda thing goin on &i respect that #(<- Used to find their designs unpleasant. still do a little bit even now tbh sorry But i do appreciate their uniqueness a whole lot) #But yeah i feel Like ive been put thru an entire character arc w/ this thang . #You should've seen the way i used to freak out during the 1st few episodes Everything was So Insane 2 me. it had me flabbergasted #it was like . Lighthearted charming OP song -> Children having a near-death experience in the most surreal way possible #-> Isekai moment -> We get introduced to the ugliest little beasts i've ever seen #-> They spend the rest of the episode almost dying Again -> beast transform into even Uglier beasts & go feral on each other #-> World's calmest most soothing ED sequence that clashes So Hard w/ the tone that was set during the episode it makes ur brain crash. #and thats more-or-less the formula that's been handled throughout the following episodes up until this point #but i suppose I've grown fond of it by now 🧎 I am a Changed man‚ i See the appeal‚ I Understand #well not rly prbablyBut at least each episode keeps me@the edge of my seat now as opposed 2 how i used to enjoy it in more of an ironic way #'tis nice honestly..I've become more appreciative of the kinda vibe the show handles‚ it's got a lot going on :} It's /insanely/ creative

[yearnlark]

.

#feelin. real weird!! bad!! but also maybe not?? maybe less bad #tuned in to their show. knew it wasnt smart or... kind/careful with my self but. listened for a while anyway #but. after hearing their voice and then listening to the music for a little while i was able to like. actually ask myself why tf i was #doing that when it fucking hurts sm #and part of the answer was ''bc i miss them'' ...but ik ill miss them whether or not i listen so thats out. then part of the answer was #''bc i feel kinda obligated'' ...but. i have zero duty+/obligation to them now? +didnt rly in the first place? just liked making them happy #and *thats* not really smth i should concern myself with now. so... thats out too ig #but. if im being totally honest: most of the answer was just. ''im doing it *bc* it hurts.'' #and like. making myself admit that. and sit with it. was what let me finally turn it off #took me long enough but. ig im. hm. ig im not going to tune back in? #i havent missed one of their radio broadcasts since they very first started... we werent talking then #so i didnt even know it was happening but. then they mentioned it on that first walk back again and i #i wouldnt have missed it for the damn world. i tuned it to that second broadcast and then tuned in again and again and again and. #they said they were talking specifically to me #every time. that i was the ''baby'' they didnt want to touch that dial. that i was #i was. i #hhhhh fuck #well its. its definitely not me theyre talking to over the airwaves anymore #hm. i think maybe thats the last reason i was still listening. i wanted them to still be talking to me #thats. god thats fucking pathetic huh #in part bc yeah. its stupid for the one who walked out + blocked + left + ghosted to be the one still listening #but. moreso bc. god how stupid to think any of that was real #when hearing them talk AT me over the goddamn RADIO was more than i heard them say face to face for MONTHS #oh now im angry again. huh. thats weird #but. holy fuck?? in the last three months i thjnk we called three times. saw each other in person the same amount. but i tuned into their #damn RADIO SHOW every fucking WEEK. id fucking RUN home from rehearsal so i could sit in my damn bedroom alone and imagine they were #playing those songs for me. because they SAID they were. and id text them the whole fucking time!! bc i thought they were doing a fantastic #fucking job and i wanted them to know that!! i was trying SO FUCKING HARD to just CONNECT and feel CONNECTSD and #huh. yeah. im way more upset about rhis than i realised #thats. kinda fucken wild tbqh. i was only mad at myself before; for being so pathetic but. the whole thing was fucked up huh?? fucken hell.

[chisatowo]

What if I made my first comic one of my stories that none of y'all give a shit abt. What then.

#rat rambles #oc posting #I wont probably (mainly since idk how well their story would fit in a comic format) but Im tempted to start scripting things #butttt also not a single damn drawing of any of the main cast hasnt flopped gkgmfkfbfh #well except for brady I think? but shes not technically part of the main cast so like #obviously that doesnt rly mean anything I just think its kinda funny that its the one that feels the most realistic for me to actually make #mainly because the story is much MUCH simpler plot wise than most of my others #with that being largely because it doesnt intertwine with many of the other stories in that world #in fact the only overlap is with the ocean story which comes from a secondary character from both #aaand technically miko but like. he appears in this story for like half a second so he doesnt rly count #anyways I dont like need ppl to rb all of my art to hell and back (tho it is apprectaited) but I do wish this cast got more attention #mainly because I actually rly love most of their designs? especially courtney Im so happy with how his design came out #and hes one of the ones I actually fully designed myself so its sad that literally everytginh with him flopped HARD fmfkfjdy #again its not that big a deal Im just rambling abt rabdom bullshit now since Im tired #anyways tine for bed I tgink! gn

[kuiinncedes]

waow i finally sent a long ass message about recycling sdjhgjdkhgf

#WE WILL RECYCLE PROPERLY lmao it was just the third time i went thru the recycling and im like #literally stop @ myself there's no need for this just tell ur roommates how to recycle XD #me: pretty chill roommate so far i feel liek i haven't rly said anytnign about anything bc im kinda just like yeah i'll live with it nbd #not that my roommates rly have either but #me suddenly in the gc: ESSAY ABOUT RECYCLING #and i will do it again lol #jeanne talks #however i did kinda like going thru the recycling for some reason aksjdgbsdkjfgf it's the sorting of it all #its the controlling what everyone else is sticking in the recycling 😭 #a controllist #how am i still capable of remembering/making glee references lmao #still lowkey don't like how i have to like qualify everything i send :'') #im like 99% sure about everything also lowkey looked it up 'nah but idk anything about recycling pls correct me <3' shut up jeanne #and i was like 'i think' for everything like not necessary yes i think but i am pretty sure i know lmao 😭 #anyway lmfao i feel like i should start a tag for roommate related posts XD #my roommates r great i just apparently have a lot to say about living w roommates lmfao #anyway #lol its the not wanting to complain about my roommates to other roommates and not wanting to like talk about it w other ppl 😭 #bc idk it's like i'm living w them but i feel like that doesn't mean i can tell friends and stuff who kinda know them what it's like to #live w them lol Anyway so i'll dump it all anonymously online XD

[trinitytrilogy]

hi! i just noticed your patreon has no posts anymore? i don’t know much about patreon so i don’t know if that’s something that just happens but if you deleted all your posts on there, does that mean zeus’ dilemma is discontinued?

kfljdskljfk tdlr; not abandoned, i'll have a better post soon, im sorry yall :sob: i feel rly guilty, but there will be an update this month. more below the cut and tysm <3

hi! it's actually lowkey the opposite? i had a Bad Time at the start of 2023, and completely forgot like pretty much everything until i pulled myself out of that hole. i started writing again in july but i figured with the intense delay between my last post and now i should get two chapters out instead of one. anyway, chapter nine is kind of a quicker one (and i had already written the c romance lock and one of the other ro scenes, and chapter eight was previously drafted i just had to edit and add a few ro scenes spontaneously), so i figured why not. i'm also gonna release chapter five publically then, so ive been going back and making sure the first five chapters r as polished as i alone can make them.

if i simply cannot for some reason finish chapter nine by the end of this month, i'll just go ahead with posting chapter eight, so it won't be fully no updates for a while. it clocks in at about 20k words (and the parent scene is not written and will not be written), so its not unsubstantial i hope.

chapters 10&11 are both bigger than 8&9 in theory, but ive already written the romance locks for k&a (which take place in those chapters respectively) so there's a little work done there too. all in all, i'm about 75% of the way done w ZD and i have no plans to abandon it given how much it's taken to get this far,, im just bad w social media bc it gives me a lot of anxiety lol. im gonna log off again until ch. 9 is done (or aug. 31 hits lol), and im sorry if i havent gotten to ur ask, this was literally just the one at the top of my inbox. ik im rambling, but tysm for reading this far <3

i also have a separate message for patrons or anyone who used to be a patron, but that was dksjfkldsjk so i'm so sorry, just bear w me for a bit until i get the writing ready, i have a bad habit of letting guilt overwhelm me and making things worse.

#update

[sonikkublue]

Thank u for depicting a bigger sonic!!! Its rare and a massive win

no need to thank me, it's a honor to bring this handsome hedgehog out into this world.

deadass tho, i rly appreciate ur kind words. i think there should be more exploration and especially representation of all kind with Sonic media, regardless of what it is, and i think representing Mr. H with the shape he has thru a au is a perfect way. i think representation is important. now im not a chubby person myself, like im all skin n bones HFSDJKHS- but i do have friends and family that are, including my parents and i love em all that way. so i feel like i could represent their shapes more thru my art. if anything, my dad literally has Mr. H's body shape, tho he is taller- apart from the height, Mr. H is basically my dad's shape FHDJKS

Mr. H was always planned to be hefty from the get-go, but since i was so out of practice, not even knowin how to illustrate my way around fat characters (which i was ashamed of for the longest time) i had to stick w/ Classic for just a bit until i knew how to draw the proper curves a fat character needed, cuz he already had sum of that chub there, so it was a start. But the more i drew Mr. H over and over again, he slowly started to shape into what i wanted him to be- as well as me understanding how to draw the proper curves like i stated before.

i cannot stand when ppl callout a chubby persons weight negatively, makin that said chubby person feel ashamed of themselves- so rubbing Mr. H in front of that person to make them even more mad, is a great feelin for me. I want chubby ppl to feel represented and comfy with my art, knowin that i love em very much. i also hate how ppl fetishize their weight...cuz wtf...

anyways, i love chubby ppl, just like how i love Mr. H

#mafia!sonic au

[oekaki-chan]

hey c! can i ask how do we get over the feeling of embarassment when drawing self-indulgent shippy fanart? i've seen most of your amazing art and i've noticed that you don't seem to hold back when drawing fanarts, it's really beautiful with the way you portray characters' intimate relationships.. be it thru manga, illustrations, sketches. I have quite a lot of ideas on my mind that I want to draw similar to what you've drawn in terms of shipping characters, but I can't help but feel embarassed most of the time when I attempt to draw, thinking that it's "cringe" or I should draw something else with more deeper meaning into it, not just shippy stuff.. so I get very hesitant posting said art online or even starting the sketch (i haven't drawn 95% of my written ideas for nearly a year ;_; pain lol) since a few of my friends might see and question it lmao but deep down i really want to draw them ofc! i'm just very scared with what others think, but I do want to show myself more through my art and what I really like to draw.. Have you had a similar feeling of embarassment too c? I'm sorry if this got too long, I don't rly have any artist friends to talk to this about :')) I'm just so amazed at how you're able to fight the fear and just draw what you want in the end ^-^ I hope I can be like that too with myself and art, there are rare times where I just say f*ck it and post it anyway but 99% of the time is just me overthinking on whether it's cringe or not but I want to be cringe so bad so I can just be free and draw whatever the heck I want! ahh so many conflicting feelings ;_; i hope you get what I mean, thank you again for responding to my previous asks with the colors and numerous questions! I'm sorry for being so curious lol i just want to draw my favorite characters to kiss and cuddle so bad but im too scared to even draw them so intimately like that so i dont even draw majority of my ideas for fear of being judged :'D :') :(( hope u had a nice day c!

I might never show it but actually I relate to you so hard, it's not once or twice that I keep overthinking if my art is too self-indulgent and cringe, everytime I'm about to post my art I'm one click away to post it but I always have this nagging worry of people judging my art (even tho there's nothing wrong with it, for god's sake!!!) so I just spend another 30 minutes worrying about it until I close my eyes, flick my finger quickly, and close the tab.

And oh god in heaven put a curse on meme culture for this because there was this one instance when someone made a corny meme out of my art (that's not even a funny drawing) and dared to send it to me, I know it's only one person but it's enough to crush my confidence in drawing and posting shippy/emotional art.

Whenever I draw my favorite characters looking all seductive and cool I always worry people would think it's cringe, whenever I draw characters kissing I always worry people would think I'm weird, but then I remember about the other artists I like who post (their own) self-indulgent stuff and they make me joyous, I want people to feel the same way about my art when I post my own self-indulgent art too, so I guess that's what keeps me doing what I do today 😂

My 2023 resolution is just to stop giving a single damn about what people think of my art, if they think it's cringe then so be it, I can't control the mind of people, at least the cringe art gives me the happy brain chemicals and that's what truly matters 😊

#ask

[curiousserpent]

im intrigued by "thighs," "hn," and "i really just kept writing one ..."

tumblr finally allows me to Behold and Click my asks again!!! So now I can respond.

1. thighs

A little crack thing based on a joke my brilliant little friend made as a reaction to funny little instance that occurred in one of the gm servers. The jist was OnlyFans but make it just about thighs. I wrote...I think one scene that was a version of those meetcute moments but one party being recognised by their thighs, which the other has been following religiously. I think of this wip often because the initial conversation that birthed it had me fighting tears of laughter on the train, and the overall concept kind of became a running joke xD

2. hn

I need to check what this is myself actually. Since your notes are in there, I assume it's one of our shared projects xD it sounds like it could be our Web AU. I cannot remember having written people making out at knifepoint for that one in specific, but I feel like that ends up making it into 90% of everything I write...anyway, if I recall correctly, and without cheating by searching the chat, the idea was two opposite approaches to the Web (the Being controlled vs the Controlling) colliding in some way. I remember we had some intense like 5D chess thing planned for the end but not much more...

3. i rly kept writing one paragraph and then never went back

Had to check this one too and apparently I at one point moved alllllll of my started FE: Awakening Libra/Lon'qu wips into one doc??? Since, as the title suggests, I kept writing one paragraph and then never went back! So this one is a bunch of wips in one, and probably quite thoroughly abandoned lol. The only one of the snippets I remember at all is my angsty bloodmagic au thing that was planned to just get worse and worse...my tastes have not changed from when I first started writing fic, as you can see haha.

#different wip game i should play is 'how many of these do you remember without peeking' lol #our web au is turning like. 2 years in march darling <3

[pepprs]

it’s that time of year where i want to remake my blog so so so bad it’s unreal and then i don’t. lol

#i have way too many followers to be doing the shit i do on here and im kinda getting tired of it. i wish the crab post hadn’t blown up #purrs #i just don’t want to lose the years of posts or like my sideblogs being attached to this blog or anything. and i would want to still be #pepprs but i wouldn’t want ppl to find me easily. idk. ughhh. head in hands #delete later #i wish there was a function to like remove followers en masse. that would fix me #all of u who like regularly like my personal posts would stay of.c it’s just like the literal resacteds of ppl who idont even know and i #feel claustrophobic on here sometimes and all i do is just close the app when i feel like that. but idk #it’s not sustainable. and i miss the freedom that comes w like having fewer ppl perceiving you iykwim. maybe i’ll remake for 2023 idk #i think tumblr has started recommending me to new users too like it’s that bad. and idont ahve any ill will towards ppl who follow me or #anything like i appreciate it. i just want privacy and i get so many asks and stuff all the time ajdni don’t want to sound ungrateful bc i #rly do appreciate it but also i have abt 2% social battery most days and i feel guilty and stressed bc the amount of ppl who want to talk to #me just keeps growing and growing and most of the time i want to hide and just reblog posts and not think abt it. that sounds so mean and is #very very evidential of my lockdown induced mental illness and again i do not want to sound ungrateful bc i really am. im just tired and #overwhelmed and overstimulated every day and i need… whatever you call this. even though i already isolate myself too much irl anyway

[bloodsadx]

every time i go to print a new shirt theres a few feelings. the first feeling is annoyance and lots of fretting over the art part of it. im rly precious abt what a drawing for a shirt should look like most of the time so i will redraw the same idea like 40 times until it feels charming. then i gotta print transparencies which is always a pain in the ass especially since i do big ass shirts thats like such an annoying process gotta do math gotta split the art up into chunks gotta do color separations. then i get excited cause im like yes this is gonna be such a cool shirt. then i get annoyed again bc i have to reset like 4 to 20 screens for my dumb shirt. then i get rly worried im gonna print super badly and waste a bunch of expensive blanks cause like the shirts and hoodies i print on cost like at least 7 or 8 bucks some of the hoodies i have rn are like 30 bucks wholesale. they would cost u like 80 dollars to buy them Not wholesale. so like thats a decent amt of pressure. then i start printing and its like 4 hours of like doing a print then standing there while i wait for ink to cure under the heat. then printing. then waiting. its a lot of waiting. waiting for office stores to open so i can buy ink for my printer then waiting for my time in the studio then waiting for screens to dry then coating them then waiting for them to dry then washing them out then waiting for them to dry then printing then waiting for the ink to dry. but after like a week i have a bunch of shirts, most of which i will never see again after i mail them out. so the final stage is sort of waiting indefinitely for somebody who has one of the shirts i made to @ me on somewhere and be like shirt by bloodsad and then im like Yes. anyway im just sitting in the studio rn bc my legs hurt and ive been here for like 9 hours and i was here like 9 hours 2 days ago and then yesterday i was also here cleaning stuff and 3 days ago i was here for about 9 hours and the day before that too and it all sort of blends together and a lot of it is me sitting in a chair at 3 am when my legs hurt. this is what a job is but i guess because most of it is spent like alone it doesnt feel like real. i often feel like its going to go away soon or like im doing something illegal even though it wont and im not. a lot of last year i kept standing on the street corner at like 4 am by myself smoking looking at the asphalt and thinking “how much of my time in portland will i remember as just times when i was not at the studio, preparing to go to the studio, and then how much of the time will i remember as me being at the studio, thinking about how soon i will no longer be at the studio, i will be somewhere else, somewhere not in portland?” its weird when u think that u will not be in the place youve been in a year repeatedly for a year soon and then that turns into two years and then you realize that probably u will continue to be in that place indefinitely. i see older people who are in portland and i think about how many of them live here intentionally or just forgot they were supposed to move somewhere else. i think about if thats just the state of living for everybody or if its a factor of my age or being a zoomer or whatever. but idk i guess im printing shirts. no joke or point to this post

#from the mind of the author

[toestalucia]

I STILL have not watched versus&rising im gonna be honest with u BUT heavy heavy heaviest rising spoilers <33333333 (also main story spoilers

anyway im actually kind of worried about dad considering uh. rising casually having mom lore. like. 'i am your mother'. can u imagine releasing rising right after the most devastating story chs in gbf & us going to estalucia next update and being like 'hello heres ur mom. things are Not great and the implied dialogue is Hell'. fully understand all the 'rein.....O_O' comments they made on the rising streams JKBKADJD I GET IT NOOWWWWW (<-when it was released and my friend dm'd me asking me if i want spoilers)

like im sincereeeelllyyyyy hoping he's okay-ish but its also? if he went to estalucia for mom id like that. he returned to zinkenstill with a baby, and then left like 6-8 years later. i admittedly dont think he'd leave on a whim (theres also the part of how much happened ~10yrs ago). was the otherworld involved. was the kings eye involved. was mom dead before he returned to zinkenstill or. what is different in our timeline compared to the others (i saw one of the rising trailers and they use the bg art for the tree violet knight sits on in one of reins visions(??????)..................)

sorry risingers who r screaming that this is readily available knowledge IM GONNA WATCH THE STORY THIS MONTH I PROMISE i wanna pick up rein. i alrdy told kaitlyn that. but ill make it a separate blog cuz what the hell that is a SPOILER. but depending on it i might pick up dad too <-captain obsession

beyond hilarious baha made her goth tho. rein u r so fkng cool i love mothers u never couldve prepared me for mom to appear in the SIDEGAMES. theres a gran @ mom thing i rly wanna write. because to me theres certain things that gran doesnt want to hear from their parents? like..what happened happened.

GAMERS WHERE IS MY NOTES OF WALFRID TALKING ABOUT MOM had to grab it myself again

Walfrid: There's one more thing I need to apologize to you for. In all this talk about your father's journey, one piece of the puzzle has never been mentioned. You know what that is, don't you? I'm referring to your mother.

Walfrid: Yes, I know her very well. She was another great friend on our journey. In fact, she set off on the journey with your father right from the start. Gran: What kind of person was she? Walfrid: She was a compassionate woman, coming from a line of maidens who worshipped the god of the Sky Realm. Katalina: What? Then the maiden who sent Vyrn was… Walfrid: Yes, her. She lived in the same area as Gran's father. She grew up with her parents and younger sister in happiness. But then an incident compelled them to Vyrn and leave. (Taking cause and effect into consideration, this all dates back to when the sky was formed…) Vyrn: …? Walfrid shakes his head as if to dismiss his idle thoughts and returns to the topic at hand.

Walfrid: I have my reasons for not wanting to discuss that woman in too much detail. The truth is I don't know anything about her at present. As in I don't know where she is or what she's doing. I don't even know if she's safe.

Walfrid: But I have a feeling you will meet her at some point as your journey unfolds. You should prepare yourself for when that day arrives.

dialogues that lives in my head at all times

#stardust speaking ! #gbf spoilers #gbf versus rising spoilers #sorry ill be normal now

[yuukei-yikes]

Been thinking about what kind of interaction haruka and seto would have since they never spoke with each other (from what i know), but i think they'd be the cutest together because they're both so... idk i just love them (they are my wiwis you have to understand). Setomary harutaka double date would be insane, like, picture this: while haruka and seto would probably be talking about how much they love their girlfriends (they are full of love and whimsical feelings), takane would be like "how tf do i start conversation with this lovecraftian ass creature (with due respect)" because mary wouldn't know what to say either BUT SHE WANTS TO SHE'S JUST REALLY SHY 😔😔😔

oh i got GREAT NEWS for you

you know im always talking about post str haruka keeping a little distance from the dan cuz he knows them but they dont know him and etc etc etc etc. well! i actually hc that outside takane shintaro and ayano of course, SETO is the one member of the dan haruka is very good friends with in early post str. and thats cuz.... he is also the one member of the dan (again outside the quartet)haruka has actually spoken to before being konoha!!! its time for me to talk about the novels again❤️

IM ABT TO KAGEXPLAIN TO YOU BUT ILL GET TO SETOMARY & HARUTAKA AT THE END and my hcs on their dynamics :3 but first let me tell u abt seto&haruka's and mary&takanes friendships. spoilers duh

in the sixth novel, haruka stays over at kenjirou's house for 1 week while he works on the game with him. there haruka meets ayano for the first time, and finds out mr tateyama has FOUR kids. despite haruka is pranked a little by these mysterious 3 siblings he never meets them directly. its rly funny cuz haruka's like can i introduce myself to them i mean im gonna be staying for a week. and ayano's like WHAT. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT. and harukas like ok damn i guess i wont meet them

but haruka DOES meet seto during his stay! its one of my FAVORITE chapters of the whole novel. this bit has a 2 page illustration cmon!!!!!!! SETOS HAMSTER BITES HARUKAS FOOT

ok erm anyway. chapter summary of seto&haruka's interaction: haruka went to buy some snacks at the convenience store at night, and when he comes in seto's hamster hanao BITES his damn foot!!!!!! (attacker shown on pic) seto rushes right over like NOOOO HANAOOO

haruka and seto share an awkward greeting bc seto wants to run away asap but haruka's rly desperate to meet him so he invites him to eat the free pudding he won at the grocery store and seto accepts. then they sit and chat while eating pudding :3

haruka invites seto to come to the festival, seto thanks him but says he cant bc he's bad with crowds and he also has a job interview for being a part time paperboy. he assures him his other siblings will show up (as we know, kido and kano do show up but haruka never knew they were ayano and setos siblings at that point!!!)

when seto starts talking abt this job interview he mentions his mom is dead. in that conversation haruka finds out about ayaka. idk about the original line in japanese, but haruka says "mr tateyama's wife is dead?" because of course from his pov the shock comes from his relationship with kenjirou. he feels rly bad that kenjirou acts all happy and normal at school while going through this. seto acts surprised haruka didn't know

haruka expresses sadness over being such a pain for kenjirou then, but seto says that's not true and that kenjirou talks about him all the time. *pretends to be normal about kenjirou*

seto reveals kenjirou called haruka his pride and joy while drunk, which makes haruka tear up. while drunk he also said he'd bring haruka over to make him be ayano's boyfriend lmao and seto says he and kano&kido freaked out about it and were like WE WILL PROTECT U FOR THIS GUY NEECHAN😡😡😡 WHICH IS LIKE. A LAYER OF CONTEXT TO A BIT THAT HAPPENS EARLIER IN THE NOVEL bc they give haruka A REALLY HARD TIME when he arrives and its basically implied they did this bc they were afraid he was gonna hit on ayano lol (jin jokes in his author's notes he literally wanted haruka to hit on ayano literally for shit and giggles but his editor was like dude this is ooc can you take this fucking seriously)

it's also implied seto read haruka's mind when he arrived and since haruka had been thinking of takane and being kind of... he was like her hair her eyes her lips etcetc he was just.... being a 16 year old about it. and seto assumed it was about ayano, told his siblings and there kano went in disguised as ayano to give haruka a piece of his mind. honestly read the sixth novel its hilarious idk if its cuz its a novel with all my faves but its one of the best erm anyways back to the pudding chapter

before seto goes his eye power activates and he basically almost collapses or something. haruka gets rly worried but seto is able to calm down and he leaves. i hc that in this scene seto found out haruka was dying. i dont have proof other than seto probably read his mind there. but i like the hc😄

anyways!! fast forward to the end of the eighth novel, seto (and mary and hibiya) are in the real world while literally everyone else is dead inside the daze. they make a phonecall because of reasons i wont explain and everyone is screaming into it trying to talk to the outside guys, and haruka has a single line where he says "kousuke its me haruka!!!!! remember when we had that pudding together 2 years ago!!!!" hehe its so cute im so glad jin added that

basically. haruka and seto BEST FRIENDS. when haruka is back post str he would be very comfortable with seto and seto would for sure approach haruka and hang out with him. i definitely think haruka's the closest to seto outside of the yuukei quartet!!! like come on theyd be such good friends🥺 i was thinking of harutaka cat last night and i 1000% think seto is the one to find them a pet. seto is always taking haruka to see cats

NOW!!! MARY&TAKANE!!! they definitely don't have as much interaction as haruka&seto bc jin would rather die than write proper scenes for his female characters alone However it is said they hit it off immediately when they meet! ene makes an unforgettable comment abt mary and momo being gay which mary doesnt understand and momo like a good kisaragi wants to kill ene. anyways thats a little funny one

ill talk what i remember the most! the fourth novel: shintaro wakes up and finds mary complaining she can't talk to ene and it turns out shintaro's phone has no battery. shintaro explains the concept of a Charger and Electricity and Mary's like whoa ene eats some weird stuff huh

so she starts looking for a charger. shintaro tells her not to hurry bc theyre better off without her anyways and mary gets mad at him and tells him to stop MEAN to ene!!!!! and says she must ALSO feel lonely in there!!!! and shintaro's like o_o!! ok damn!!!!

that's the only mary&takane i can think of. but they're really good friends i think takane's as much of a tease to her as she is to everyone but mary doesnt always understand LOL but they get along well :3 theyre besties :3 like for real mary momo & ene have a girl gang that could rule the world.

then mary finds some snakeskin in a drawer with the charger and shintaro and kido almost shit their pants etcetc BUT when mary got mad, shintaro has some rly cute thoughts about ene. he remarks how absolutely no one in the dan ever questioned what the hell is ene or how she works, bc theyre all weirdos so of course they dont question other weirdos(and one of my fave shinene lines, where shintaro admits hes developed an affinity for her and that it's because of her he met all these nice people and she might as well be his salvation *fucking explodes*) anyways. he thinks ofc mary and ene hit it off. i think its so cute that mary wanted to talk to ene and just took shintaros phone to do it!!

anyways. THEYRE ALL BEST FRIENDS :3 :3 :3 :3 setomary & harutaka double date is totally possible. and we should get seto&takane to be best friends too like i think theyd be sooooo funny together. i ALWAYS say when takane gets her body back there is no way she could walk so comfortably like she does and since seto (and kano) are there i hc seto carries her back to the hideout from the lab💥💥💥

harutaka & setomary is so funny since ive been in the fandom for so long i can tell u people always compared them like the insane pda ones and though i dont rly agree with that i still think its a funny and nostalgic hc. i think itd be cute if seto told haruka he likes mary but no one else. like everyone KNOWS. duh. but he tells haruka IDK I LIKE THIS HC Because kano and kido will tease him and ayano and mary are awkward with each other (bc i say so) so seto tells haruka like omg i have a crush on mary ://3 and haruka's like omg no way whats ur fave thing about her *kicks feet* they should get to talk abt their crushes together OKAY.

i do think haruka&takane start dating pretty soon or are dating in whatever moment seto comes to haruka to talk abt mary so idk i think its cute if seto went to haruka also bc he's like. hes the only person i know who has a partner 🫡 i like a lot of ships that i think happen eventually and all have their own shitshows and moments but i think haruka&takane are the very first to get together and everyones like yeah. they're the couple ig. Ok sorry someone hold me down before i start talking again about harutaka being the romance love story of kagepro

ermmm basically yes best friends!!!!!

#kagexplain #ask tag

[imreallynotokaybutimtrying]

fuckkkkk i didn't need that (just text but like, vent again so whee)

ive like, got them as my fp (diagnosed bpd finally wooohooooo what a process) which doesn't help our relationship so like pls don't just 'man, they aren't good for you' or 'thats unfair' or 'stop being dramatic' ive got bpd. they dont fully get it yet. it's a process and im incapable of leaving them rn bc id likely kill myself for it

anyway. they just went to bed. after saying they were tired and goodnight on call to me in the middle of me rambling (which they said twice was okay to me after me being paranoid that i wasnt rly being that interesting or considerate) and ive been trying to distract myself from everything bc its literally painful for me and ive been trying to search for ways to just, not focus on being suicidal and wanting to self harm and everything. and i hate myself for everything point blank but. they just.. it was so sudden and abrupt? and so i completely shut down but then i got angry bc in the middle of me typing a message to explain for when they woke up, they messaged. it was like ten minutes after they said gn. and then act like 'well you seemed upset so i wanted to check' no fucking shit??? you interrupted someone with both adhd and bpd mid conversation to leave? with no indication of needing to prior? ofc im gonna take it personally??

so like, having that, and then just try to tell me to stay safe so im like. relapsing, not severely, in spite almost because i hate being told to stay safe after they just. go. they leave me to myself when it isn't really that late for them and how they used to be and then expect im gonna be okay when they leave while im then trying to explain what's wrong. like stop fucking confusing me you couldve just fucking gone to bed initially since that's what started it and doing it again just made it worse. and i feel so shitty. i feel like a terrible person, a monster, and i cant fix it. so here i am just.. doing the opposite of thriving and trying not to kill myself. but im great