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#AUGH she’s FARTING on me!!!!
potatobugz · 2 months
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Noelle Holiday? (Yes this is a bingo request that I guess is a semi-sequel to the previous one for Susie)
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thgey call her noelle holiday the way she. brightens up. your day
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ellieverkuasidees · 3 months
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Food For Thought!
T141 x Southern!reader
+ Simon "Ghost" Riley x Southern!reader
Tags: fem!reader! plantonic with the rest of the crew but you and Simon have a little something something yk?, canon typcial crusing, fluff, the boys just being silly, american and british bickering
a/n: so remember that little brain fart I had? so this is what happens when your bored with nothing to do <<33 I know that this won't do many southerns justice, we're all different from different cities to towns but I just wanted to share this with yall :)) also please tell me where yall from! I really want to know! Enjoy!
"What the hell is this (reader).." Price mumbled under his breath. He cranked his neck back as he looked at you with disgust. You rolled your eyes as you set the plate of fried chicken, string beans, and a nice, thick, creamy and chewy mac-n-cheese. "Okay, I'll go get the sweet tea. Do not and I mean do not touch anything!" You warned, leaving the dineing room to the kitchen. Soap came in as Ghost followed. "Aye. The hell is that?" Soap asked, sniffing the air to the unfamillar smell.
Price hunched his shoulder, and turned to the kitchen as you digged into the fridge trying to find the homemade sweet tea you made this morning. "I don't know, she made this mess. It looks greasy." He huffed. "I heard that! You haven't taste it yet!" You came back with a huge jug of sweet tea, the men looking at you with bewilderment. Gaz, running late had came into the dining room, his cheeky smile fading once the scent of southern food hit his nose.
"What's that?" He looked over to the abunces of food. He smiled as he turned to you and helped you with the jug of tea. "Thank you Gaz, anyways. I know you brits-"
"I'm not British." Soap shouted with offense. You all looked at him and then turning the attention back to you. "Anyways! This here? This here is the shit. Your taste buds will never feel the same after you eat these homemade classics of the south!" You squeaked. The men looked over at thefoood, the grease and butter glowing in the light. The men sruvnhed their noses as they groaned in disgusted.
Your feelings where slightly hurt, but as a proud (southern state) native, you must bring them the food from the home of the free. Eitehr way, any food you cook could explode their brains. "Think we should try it L.T?" Soap asked looking up at him. Simon had a bit of a soft spot for you. He loved your american accent, the way you had some much pride and respectful for yourself. He thought it was attractive. Might I say sexy? He was head over heels fpr you and wanted you to like him as much as possible. And if that means to eat your seemingly gross and fatty american food, then so be it.
"Wouldn't hurt to try." He simply said. "Really? Don't wanna be fat like them americans!" Soap joked. You reached over and punched his shoulder as he laughed. "Oh please! Half the people in this country needs a nice oral cleansing..”
Soap rolled his eyes and ignored your jab at him and moved on. “I think we should try it. Don’t seem so bad.” Ghost mumbled as he sat down next to you, his arm resting on your chair. “Really?” Gaz sighed.
“Yeah. Don’t seem so bad. Just Mac-n-Cheese.” He huffed at Gaz with a slight scorn to his tone. “Whateva you say I guess..” Soap sighed as he sat himself down at the food. “I want to try the tea first.” Simon said as he pointed to the tea jug. “Sure!” You stood up and pour each and everyone of you a cup of homemade natural born tea.
“Alright! Drink up!” You cheered. Price, oddity sniffed it and pushed the drink away. “No.” Ghost lifted his mask up, and took a sip before hacking and lammend the glass on the table. “AUGH! AUHN! WHAT THE FUCK?!” He screamed as you laughed at his intolerance to the sweetness of the tea.
Gaz just smacked his lips and pushed the cup away from him as well. “Too sweet, urgh!” He groaned as he smacked his lips and slapped his tongue to the roof of his mouth. Meanwhile Soap was still taking sip after sip of his drink, almost gone at this point. “Seems like you liked it Soap!” You giggled.
“I just like sweet stuff alright?” He chuffed as he sucked the life out of the cup. “I win!” Soap scoffed as he snatched Price’s cup of tea from him. Price didn’t seem to mind anyways. “You’re not gonna try Cap’?” He shook his head no, “I need to watch my blood sugar nowadays.” You chuckled at his words. Such an old man thing to say. Or someone who has diabetes. Either way it’s kinda funny. Not really.
“Okay try the Mac-n-Cheese now!!”
(Should I add onto this?)
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starrayblogs · 7 months
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day 4 & 5 - monster and skeleton
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"do you like him? the monster that i have designed?" lady bone demon's voice echoes in the air, but he feels it. he feels her voice run up the tips of his fur, as if she was trying to freeze him over. like he wasn't cold enough already."
AUGH so actually i'm posting this at like 1am of the supposedly 6th day! so i'm totally a mess with the prompts right now, but whatever- this totally counts!
i just combined day 4 and 5, so when i wake up later i'll try to brain fart something for day 6!
also aaaaaagh drawing lbd was so fun and stressful at the same time, i wanted to give her a super slim and sharp features because- well, bones! but i think i like my design for lbd hehe
ALSO ALSO! i propose mullet macaque (like me!) except you can't see it here, BUT BUT I HAVE A VISION FOR IT JUST HEAR ME OUT ON IT.. anyway mullet macaque
here are their solos!
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and the progress :}c
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ANNDDD DONT GO YET! if you like seeing my work here, maybe you can consider following me on twitter! my handle is astraynomer (psst u can go to my carrd)
i talk about stuff there, also i'm just more active in general there! i'll still be using my tumblr because it's my second most active app, but yk! you should totally check and follow my blue bird account ehehe
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pin-crusher2000 · 16 days
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Mortal Kombat: Earth-66 Part1
As a big fan of Mortal Kombat, here are some character interactions based on the recent games. (Mar’i & Jake)
NightStar (Mar’i Grayson)
1- Mar’i: wow! Another me from another earth!
P2 Mar’i: yup came from an earth where anti-heroes are in charge.
Mar’i: wow, can you tell me more?
2- Mar’i: wonder which one of us is more cuter?
P2 Mar’i: fight me & the winner can be crowned that!
Mar’i: Challenge accepted!
3- Mar’i: even though we are twins, I’m way stronger than you jakey!
Jake: nuh huh, I’m stronger! *sticks tongue out*
Mar’i: nuh huh, I am! *sticks tongue out back.
4- Mar’i: Don’t tell Chris that I like him!
Jake: gonna have to fight me & win first!
Mar’i: *mean growl* I’m gonna hit you where it hurts!
5- Mar’i: you think your arrows are faster than my starbolts?
Lian: yup, I’m the fastest shooter in the world.
Mar’i: that blue hair dye of yours went & messed with your brain.
6- Mar’i: What kinda name is ThunderFart?
Irey: it’s ThunderHeart, not ThunderFart! *giggles*
Mar’i: oops, my bad! *giggles*
Mar’i: you think your faster than my starbolts?
Irey: I don’t think, I know *blows raspberry*
Mar’i: let’s test that out, speedster!
7- Mar’i: you think you’re stronger than a Tamarean princess?
Jai: with my electric super strength, I think I am.
Mar’i: my mom’s a warrior, she trained me to prove you wrong! *sticks tongue out*
8-Mar’i: your pretty strong….for a boy
Robert: what’s that supposed to mean?
Mar’i: I’m a warrior princess!
Mar’i: you think you can take me on Amazonian?
Robert: I know… & I’m a Spartan, not an Amazonian, I’m a boy
Mar’i: you’re gonna be called one when I kick you down there *sticks tongue out in a playful manner*
9- Mar’i: Can you show me a water unicorn?
Cerdian: sure, if you can beat me in a sparring match.
Mar’i: *gasps* prepare to get your butt kicked!
FireWing (Jake Grayson)
1-Jake: wow! I’m not FireWing from where you’re from!
P2 Jake: yup, where I’m from: I’m called SkyBird.
Jake: cooool!
Jake: so there’s a world where I helped restore the powers of people?
P2 Jake: yup, my dad took 80% of the worlds powers before I was born.
2- Jake: it seems you & Chris are like mom & dad before they got married.
Mar’i: yup, he’s the perfect boyfriend! *giggles*
Jake: heh, if he messes with you, I’m gonna kick his butt!
Jake: if I win, I get to choose the movie for movie night.
Mar’i: & if I win?
Jake: *signs* I’ll wear a pink suit for a week.
3- Jake: whats an arrow gonna do to me? It won’t even hurt!
Lian: not if I aim between your legs!
Jake: thank X’hal I wearing a guard.
Jake: can you show me some bow-&-arrow stuff?
Lian: only if you take me flying.
Jake: deals a deal.
4- Jake: I guess your faster than the *west*
Irey: augh! Seriously, you sound like my dad!
Jake: he taught me some things to make you mad. *giggles*
Jake: is it true that when you fart you go faster?
Irey: eww, no! Who told you that?!
Jake: your brother.
5- Jake: really? Is it true?
Jai: yup, we do run faster when we fart.
Jake: *giggles* that’s funny!
Jake: you electric powers seems really familiar.
Jai: how familiar?
Jake: like a black & red spider familiar.
6- Jake: soo buddy, you ready to get your butt kicked?
Robert: *smirks* I’m gonna kick yours, & you can kiss mine!
Jake: ohhh! It’s on now!
7-Jake: what’s better? Fire sticks or water fork?
Cerdian: it’s called a trident, & its magical.
Jake: but can it roast marshmallows though?
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totaldramamovies · 6 months
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Total Drama Movies- Episode 3- Total Drama FC
*Cabins, Morning time*
Charlotte: Francesca, love, I’ve been thinking. Do you want to form an alliance? Taniyah is in on it too. Fangxiu, Cece & Fredrick have been annoying so if we get 3 voting the same person, we’ll likely prevail.
Taniyah: Mhm!
Francesca: Oh, alright, sure! Maybe can we invite Leo? I didn’t tell you guys yet but we’re going on a date!
Charlotte: Oh my, How wondrous! Sure, we can invite him if you want!
Fangxiu: *spying on them* (Jiafei scream) AHH 😱 THE GIRLIES ARE TEAMING UP AGAINST ME! I MUST TEAM UP OR I’LL GET MY WEAVE SNATCHED😔😔 LOOKS LIKE I GOTTA TEAM UP WITH.. Rich girl or Sigma..  Hmm….
*Next cabin over*
Rajiv: Yoo, Kenny bro, what are you gonna do with the million dollars?
Kenny: Ultimate sound studio.. And a diamond ring for Dominique… 😏 I’ll hafta propose by then. How about you?
Rajiv: How expensive is infinite money? Can I get it for one mil?
Eddy: Erm… that’s scientifically inaccurate…
Sigita: *From room over* SHUT UP! 
*Eddy sadly sits back down, and Wyatt laughs*
*Loud airhorn sounds off*
Chris: MY ACTORS AND ACTRESSES! GET ON SET!
Dominique: Thanks Chris… Great way to wake up…
Fredrick: Yeah!🍷🗿 Take… this! *Farts directly at Chris*
Chris: Luckily I got this electric fan. *Blows it right back at Fredrick*
Fredrick: Augh!-🍷🗿😱😱😱🤢🤮
Chris: Phew, it’s hot out.. I got my fan, but for you guys, you’re gonna be outside all day! We are playing… SOCCER! Or football for any brits out there…
Pietro: Aw yeah bro! Its our time to finally shine!
Roman: Yeah man! *High fives Pietro*
Boris: Yes!
Ines: Finally, a challenge to show off strength!
Chris: The Mighty Wizards will be against the Fearless Warriors, and the Ferocious Monsters will be againt 4th Thing! The team to get to 3 goals on both fields will be safe! The 2 losing teams will go up against eachother and whichever team loses that will be up for elimination! GO!
*MIGHTY WIZARDS V. FEARLESS WARRIORS*
Leopold: Let’s crush them!
Cece: Let’s not lose please..
Andres: We could take down these punks easily!
Pietro: Hell yeah! Let’s get em!
Boris: I’ll be goalie.
*The Wizards barely beat the Warriors, 3-2*
*FEROCIOUS MONSTERS V 4TH THING*
Jamil: I’ve been thinking, if we intentionally lose this, then we can vote off Bailey! What do you think guys?
Eliza: Sure! I’ll be a terrible goalie!
Maxim: I’m down!
Ines: Worth a shot, wanted to show my strength though.
Jamil: We can win one but then miraculously fail, alright?
*4th Thing crushes Ferocious Monsters, 3-1*
Wyatt: Haha! Boi.. 😂 What da flip.. 😂😂🤣🤣
Sigita: Oh, Wyatt! You’re such a great goalie!
Chris: Alright, 4th Thing & Wizards, you two teams are safe from elimination! Monsters & Warriors, you two will be in a final round of soccer. Leopold and Eliza stay goalies! Whichever one scores a point first wins. Go!
Ines: I’m starting to think that maybe we should try to win… We’d be smallest team by far, 2 less people than both the Warriors & Wizards… They can still help, just don’t let them take advantage of us!
Jamil: We’ve already initiated the plan! It’s gotta go through!
Ines: You know what, No! I’m not doing the plan! I’m going to win this!
*Ines kicks soccer ball towards goal, and it reaches the net, but Leopold throws the ball back* 
Leopold: Oh yeah? Well how about this!
*Leopold kicks ball into net, Eliza misses, Wizards are safe*
Jamil: Phew!
Ines: NOO!!
Chris: Monsters, I’ll see you tonight, AGAIN!
*After challenge* 
Francesca: Charlotte!! I’m so excited, I’ve never been on a date before! Can you help me get ready?
Charlotte: Darling, you don’t need help, you’re perfect already!
Taniyah: Yeah girl, he’ll like you for sure!
Francesca: Thank you, alright, I’m ready! We were gonna meet by the dock at 4pm!
*At the dock*
*Francesca gets there early, and waits on a bench*
Francesca: Its 10 past 4 and he still isn’t here…
*Francesca waits 10 more minutes till she decides to go to his cabin. She knocks on the door and there’s a bit of a wait before Fredrick opens the door*
Fredrick: Francesca, inferior woman, what happened? 🗿
Francesca: Uh… don’t call me that… but Leo, where is he?
Fredrick: Oh… You must come in…
(The room is dingy, yet spaceous since it’s only shared by 2 contestants. The room lingers of Fredrick’s underwear.)
(Leopold Lays in his bed with cast on his foot)
Francesca: Oh no!! What happened?!
Leopold: I think I kicked the ball too hard… My foot is too injured… I just need… some… rest…
Francesca: Please do!! Feel better Leo! We can have our date whenever you feel better!
(Elimination Ceremony. The six up for elimination are:
Bailey, the Compulsive Liar,
Eliza, the Theatre Kid,
Grace, the Preppy,
Ines, the Tough One,
Jamil, the Army Cadet and
Maxim, the Bookworm)
Chris: Okay, the six of you have casted your votes! 
Jamil: Hey, Ines, I’m sorry for making you do something you didn’t want to do… It’s just I really wanted Bailey out.
Ines: Yeah, it’s okay. Don’t get me wrong she is annoying as hell!
Chris: STOP INTERRUPTING! If I call your name, you will be safe, and you will get a “Golden Chris Award”!
INES!
Ines: Phew!
GRACE!
Grace: It’s so preppy in here 🥰🥰😘
MAXIM!
Maxim: Nice!
ELIZA!
Eliza: Woohoo!
Chris: The final two… Army Cadet and Liar… The last one safe is…
Jamil. Bailey, you little liar, you gotta go! Get out!
Grace: NOO 🥺🥺 my only ally 🥺🥺 you’re the only one besides me that’s not like the other girls 😝 oh well… See you Bailey..
Bailey: Oh well, I already have a mansion!
Chris: Yeah, mhm.. Sure.
Will Smith Robot: KEEEEEP. MY WIIIIFE’S. NAAAME. OUUUTCHA. FREEEAKING. MOUUTH!!!
Bailey: AAAAAAAGHHHHHH!!!!
*Bailey screams as she flies off*
Chris: Heheh, what an annoying human being. Glad she wasn’t staying any longer! There are only 25 left. Who will go next? Maybe you’ll just have to see the next episode in a few days! See you in Episode 4!
——————————————————————————————————
Hey everyone! Hope yall enjoyed the third episode! I'll see you in the fourth episode coming Friday! I'll start viewer voting in episode five cuz I have a character arc i wanna do lol SEE YOU THEN!
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nuclearnerves · 3 years
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wait whats this about paper mario 👀
Check out this tag if you like! sometime last fall/winter I watched a playthru of Paper Mario Origami King and I really fell in love with the office supplies villains. idk what came over me but I got all these ideas on how they can get gijinka’d. i started caring so much that i even came up with a little story of “they were once a family of hard working siblings before the origami king made them into his lackeys which kind of tore the family apart”.
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picture unrelated, it’s just my most recent doodle of alia. I should have a design for the other monsters i missed soon. I think I have two left...?
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reginaldqueribundus · 2 years
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Would these Star Trek characters rat me out for ripping a fart? Lower Decks edition!
Mariner: rats me out to the entire ship. references the incident every day for an entire month. sabotages my workstation to display nothing but the word “fart” in 358 different languages. edits together a video of my fart using ill-gotten security footage and air horn sound effects and hacks the central computer to display it on every screen. forges a transfer order reassigning me to the “U.S.S. Burritos”. the replicators will only serve me baked beans. when will this nightmare end
Boimler: panics as he tries to remember if Starfleet regulations require him to tell Captain Freeman I farted. Amidst his frantic research he discovers I technically violated the Khitomer Accords, forcing Freeman to court martial me for terrorism. Mariner gleefully serves as the prosecution but Tendi and Rutherford use a loophole to get me out of it by the end of the episode.
Tendi: happily keeps my secret, but spends an entire B plot worrying Dr. T'Ana might fire her for not reporting it
Rutherford: his implant is Vulcan-made, and Vulcans have highly advanced senses of smell, so he can't even rat me out because his implant automatically filters out the smell. Later, Mariner convinces him to let her test its limits.
Freeman: rolls her eyes and lets me off with a warning since she has bigger fish to fry
Ransom: sends me to the brig for farting because he thinks it'll impress the captain
T'Ana: *clutching her face* “AGH! F[BLEEP]! Are you f[BLEEP]ing kidding me? Do you have any idea how sensitive a Caitian's nose is? Augh!” (retching) “God, it's horrible! Smells like a Klingon's [BLEEP]hole after six weeks in an overheated escape pod! Oh, god, I'm gonna have to hard reset my entire olfactory cortex with neurazine injections! F[BLEEP] you!”
Shaxs: YOUR PAGH IS ROTTEN AND YOU INSULT THE PROPHETS!!
Billups: doesn't rat me out, but has an annoying habit of referring to it as my “oopsie-tootsie”
Kayshon: Lamorr, when the five winds blew
TNG edition | DS9 edition | TOS edition
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mediocre-writerr · 3 years
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saturday sun [toni shalifoe]
toni shalifoe x fem reader
requested: Hi I was wondering if you could do a fluffy toni shalifoe x reader imagine please? I’m obsessed with the wilds atm <3
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*not my gif*
The sun blinded your closed eyes as the hot morning starts to overcome the cool night. 
But the shining in wasn’t the only heat that you felt. Your newly found girlfriend was clinging onto you like a koala to a tree. None of the other girls seemed to be up yet, so you took this as an advantage to sleep in a little more.
You relaxed into the way she clung onto you, so softly. 
Her chest pressed to yours and her face was buried the crook of your neck. You can feel her warm breath upon your throat. Toni’s arm was wrapped around your waist, while the other hand was intertwined with yours. Even your legs were sewn together. 
“You’re staring, you weirdo.” she whispers against your neck. 
You smile to yourself softly, as you scratch her back lightly. Knowing how much she loves her back scratches, “Mmm you love the attention though.” you contradict, your morning voice shining over your usual.
Toni laughs softly, tilting her head up ever so slightly to place a kiss to your jawline, “Oh you know it baby.” she hummed softly, nuzzling back into her previous spot. 
“The big, bad, hot headed Toni Shalifoe is just a big ol’ clingy softie.” you joke and she looks at you incredulously. 
“Oh and the usual calm Y/N melts under my touch in an instant.” she fired back, and you let out a loud cackle before throwing your hand over your mouth to muffle it.
Toni rolls you over on top of her to muffle the laughter even more. Giggling along side you, you were looking at her with bright wide eyes and just smiled at how beautiful you looked in the moment.
“Did you know you’re a bitch?” you ask teasingly.
“I know, but you love it.” she sing-songs, pursing your lips and shaking your head. You try to readjust so you can get more comfortable, but it doesn’t end well, “Ow ow! Your elbow is on my hair.” 
“Ah sorry babe!” you whisper-yell. 
You try your best to get off of her, but it just entangles the two of you even more, “Just jam your knee right up my twat. This is fine.” she says in her usual sarcastic tone.
Finally you roll off of Toni, face to face with her beauty. She leans in lazily, kissing you softly. When you pull away you scrunch your face up in disgust.
“You’ve got bad breath.” you say, but you don't move away you just smile at her.
She rolls her eyes, “I’m sorry what do you want me to use? Fatin’s masturbating toothbrush?” 
The both of you just laugh, trying your best not to wake up the rest of the girls. 
“Fuck you. It’s not a masturbating toothbrush.” Fatin mumbles, flipping the two of you off from where she was laying.
You place your finger on your lip. Toni pulls you by the waist bringing you closer to her. Your back on her chest and you can feel her breathing relax upon the back of your neck. 
“Oh no babe.” you say, whispering and she just hums in response. 
And you could tell she’s starting to full back asleep. 
“I think I’m gonna-” but it was too late your little loud fart emitted from your butt. Slightly muffled by Toni’s front, “Fart.” 
“Are you kidding?” Leah asks, her morning voice filling the once quiet beach.
“No way Y/N!” Martha states, chuckling softly. 
Toni could not stop laughing for the life of her. Just as her laughter was dying down a terrible odor filled the surrounding area.
“AUGH!” Toni yells, pushing away from you slightly, covering her nose with her shirt.
“Y/N!” Shelby yells as well, shoving her face into one of Fatin’s jacket.
Dot just laughs, leaning over to give you a fist bump, “That was a good rip!” 
A slight dust of red flashed onto your cheeks embarrassed. But before you could get too embarrassed, a loud toot came from Fatin causing everyone to go quiet for a little bit, shocked at the sound.
“Hell yeah bitches!” Fatin yells, pumping her fist up into the air.
Toni pulls you back in closer to her, peppering your face in kisses.
“Well good morning everyone!” you say to the rest of the group.
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0oolookitsme · 3 years
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Donuts
A/N- This is for @band--psycho . Congratulations once again on 2k!! And thank you for letting me take part in this challenge! {My word was- Donuts}
Genre- Blurb
Pairing- Dancer!Harry x Dancer!Y/n 
Word Count- 854
Warnings- few curse words used (Brat and hell) and yeah Have fun! <3
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“Hello people!” I cheered as soon as I entered in the balloon filled class. “Oii Oii” someone said, followed by a few “Hiya” and “Heyyy” they were already laughing at something earlier but this made them laugh harder.
“What’s so funny?” I asked sitting in the circle.  Alice shifted and turned to face me saying “We were playing ‘just question and truth’ and Lufes asked Hayer ‘when and how was the last time he farted’-“ before she could continue everyone was wheezing again. “When and how was that?” I asked, laughing by hearing just half of the tale “Ok Ok” she said breathing in and out once “He said he was doing splits when he heard a sound, he thought it was his pants but he came to know that” he wheezed again “Th a-at- he far-farted when it-it started t- smell” she said rolling on the floor, wheezing.
I stood up but ended up falling back down because of laughing so hard and because the strap of my bag was under my leg, which made me and everyone augh harder. By now everyone was laugh-crying.
“Who the hell released laughing gas in this class?” Kyle asked entering the class, which made him and us laugh even harder.  
After sometime everyone finally calmed down a bit. Still laughing because one of them laughed. I kept my bag down in a corner and went to wish Kyle. He is our dance choreographer and teacher and it’s his birthday today which means; DONUTS!! Yes, whenever it’s any celebration someone brings donuts but most of the time the owner of the celebration is that ‘someone’.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!” I said out loud while hugging him tight “urrrrrgghmmm” he said, showing his excitement. Still laughing I backed up and turned to walk towards the circle when I heard Kyle’s voice.
“BRING THE DONUTS!!” he yelled, laughing when we looked at him with wide eyes, leading to another round of laughter. “Wooooooooooo” everyone cheered when Dave, one of us, brought donuts in the class.
Donut was something everyone in the class loved. We would cut cakes on birthdays but Kyle wanted donuts so we just lit a candle on a donut and he blew it. That one donut was in everyone’s mouth in amount of either a bite or an inch. Kyle gave the box over to the boy beside him.
Hands were now flying around to reach to the donuts which were held high by Dave, the tallest guy. “Oh, c’mon you brat, quit it!” rhythm said, annoyed. Everyone started agreeing saying “Yes” and “I swear to god when you hand us those, you aren’t getting even a half of a donut’ which made him keep the box down, but after picking out his donut.
Of course no one was going to eat just one donut which resulted in hands crawling on the floor, trying to hide from others eyes, to reach the box.
When I picked my second donut and was bringing it to me, I felt hand cover my hand which had MY DONUT in it. “Shift your eyes and see whose donut you are taking” the person said. I looked back and saw Harry covering my hand. “Leave it Harry” I said, narrowing my eyes. “Only when you give the donut to me” he said, also narrowing his eyes. “HA not even in your dreams!” I replied.
“Are you guys seriously fighting over a donut?” Kyle said raising his eye browns. “It’s the last one!” I said, looking back at harry who still had his eyes narrowed at me. “I. said. leave. It.” I said again, this time through gritted teeth. “No. You. Leave. It” he also said through gritted teeth. “Copycat” I said. As soon as his face scrunched in confusion and his hands loosened a bit, I used my chance to snatch my hand out of his and to quickly lick the donut.
He immediately noticed and before I could lick it, he caught my ankle and pulled me towards him, my back rubbing on the floor in the process. I quickly tightened my grip on the donut knowing he’s gonna try to snatch it out.
“Okay Okay, calm down you animals.” Kyle said, immediately followed by some one’s voice saying “What about we do a dance battle and whose team will win will get the donut?”. Everyone looked towards Kyle for his reply. “Oh hell yeah” he said grinning ear to ear.
“Okay then” me and Harry said at the same time. Everyone cheered and stood up.
Kyle started teaching us all the choreography we were supposed learn today. We practiced it and divided our teams.
When we were all drenched in sweat waiting for Kyle to announce the winner, he started laughing. We all looked at him confused waiting for the joke he suddenly remembered.
“Erm Harry and Y/n, don’t get mad darlings but I ate your donut”. We both, me and Harry, looked at each other planning our revenge through our eyes. Kyle probably noticed as he said “but we do have another box of your donuts”
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ghostpathos · 5 years
Text
kakashi’s fart day.
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kakashi was feeling particularly gassy on this day. the rumbling in his tummy served as the perfect symphony to accompany his gastrointestinal woes. 
he arrived late to training as per usual. “sorry i’m late.” he said, despite not being sorry at all. if he had it his way he wouldn’t be wasting his time training these little shits. he would be at home, in the comfort of his bathroom, where he could have diarrhea without consequence.
he offered them no excuse for his lateness. he didn’t have one. he couldn’t even be assed to make one up. “kakashi-sensei!” naruto whined. “let’s get training already! how am i supposed to become hokage if we never train?” “whatever, naruto. go climb a tree or something.” kakashi responded, his sentence punctuated with a noisy fart. “ew, kakashi-sensei!” sakura protested.  “what? it was sasuke.” he said nonchalantly.  “it wasn’t me.” sasuke responded cooly, a severe expression on his face as he gazed at the copy ninja. “uchiha never fart.”  “yeah, sensei!” sakura agreed. “sasuke-kun would never, ever fart! he’s too cool for farting! it was probably naruto!” how quickly sakura had changed her tune when sasuke’s reputation was at stake. if kakashi wouldn’t own up to his disgraceful display, she would do anything to protect sasuke’s reputation, even if that meant shifting the blame to the innocent naruto.  “hey, wait a minute--” naruto began to screech is his grainy, i-smoke-five-packs-of-cigarettes-a-day-voice, but he was interrupted by kakashi. “i doesn’t matter who farted, as long as it wasn’t me. get training.” another fart tore through his pantaloons, causing them to billow from the force of the gas as it was propelled violently from his rotten anus. all three students stared at him in disgust. 
“as i was saying--” kakashi couldn’t get through his own sentence without producing another rancid fart cloud. this one ripped his pants down the middle and caused his boxers to disintegrate. the kids all began to scream, even the usually composed sasuke.
“we’re dying!” cried sakura as she inhaled the toxic fumes.
sasuke pulled his shirt over his head and cleverly breathed through the fabric, staving off his imminent death.
nartuo, who smoked five packs of cigarettes a day, was unaffected by the toxicity of the fumes, but could not help but taste the foul odor in his mouth. he vomited a veritable fountain of greasy bile which had noticeable strands of ramen noodles peppered throughout it. 
“stop farting.” kakashi said, still blaming the children.
the next fart that emerged through his war torn anus caused him to lose his own composure. fragments of his rectum were expelled with dribbles of diarrhea as the next fart blasted from his stinky ass.
“ahh!” he wailed in pain. “it’s still not me!” sakura was dead.
sasuke was hindered by the fart filled air, having collapsed on the ground. he struggled to crawl across the grass, his fingernails peeling off as he clawed desperately at the dirt.
“heck, it sure smells!” naruto exclaimed before vomiting again. his puke splashed against the prostrate sasuke, whose body now failed him. he lay there motionless. 
kakashi ripped another doozy, creating a cartoonish cloud of pea green fart gas from his rotting butthole. the noxious fumes began to sweep through konoha. 
“ahh! ahh!” he moaned. “everyone’s fucking dead, kakashi-sensei!” snapped naruto. 
“i know!” replied kakashi, who now squirted diarrhea like a lawn sprinkler.  “augh! why are you so awful?!” naruto’s open mouth became a receptacle for kakashi’s hershey squirts. he died. 
“why does this always happen to me?!” kakashi howled in anguish. obito hadn’t been crushed under a boulder, but instead crushed under a metric ton of kakashi’s pungent feces. rin had not been impaled by a chattering chidori, but impaled by a concentrated fart stream that had unexpectedly been launched from kakashi’s deadly anus. and minato and kushina had not died during the ninetails’ assault on the village, but during a lovely dinner turned funeral when kakashi suffocated them with the breath of his talkative anus.
“oh, god!” were kakashi’s last words as he was blasted apart by his own gastric fluids.
the end.
for @teddybearnova.
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prosecutor-steele · 5 years
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Ace attorney asks ALL OF THEM
DO YOU THINK THIS IS A FUCKIN JOKE? DO YOU THINK I’M A FUCKIN JOKE??
YOUR FAVOURITE…? 
 1. Favourite Ace Attorney game?I haven’t completed all the currently released games, and it’s VERY hard for me to choose... I think I’d have to say Apollo Justice. Simply because it had Nick in it still, though with... a completely different personality, Trucy (no explanation needed there! ♥), and also my precious boy Apollo.
2. Favourite case?MAN this one is tough... I think.. Turnabout Goodbyes? This doesn’t need an explanation if you know me.
3. Favourite defendant?AUGH this is tough too... They’re all really great in their own way.. Nick, himself, was a fave in Apollo Justice’s first case, cause he was a little shit, and that... case was something special for me for reasons.
4. Favourite prosecutor?Miles Edgeworth, absolutely.
5. Favourite ship?Narumitsu, Wrightworth. Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth. ♥
6. Favourite victim?MY FAVORITE DEAD PERSON? OH MAN. Uuuhhh.. I guess Mia counts, right? Or Clay, despite getting ANYTHING on him other than him being a childhood/best friend of Apollo.
7. Favourite murderer?Godot. He counts, right? He murdered, right? Hands down, Godot.
8. Favourite assistant?Trucy!! ♥
9. Favourite witness?Hmm... L-.... Larry...?
10. Favourite quote?OH MAN.... NOT FAIR? “A lawyer is someone who smiles no matter how bad it gets.” ~Diego Armando
YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE…?
11. Least favourite Ace Attorney game?I don’t... have a least..? Maybe Justice For All?... Most of the cases seemed a little dull at times for me, but thankfully Franziska was amazing.
12. Least favourite case?Shit, idk.. Rise From The Ashes, cause Gant’s a fuckass, and Miles Edgeworth chooses death.
13. Least favourite defendant?Does Zak count?
14. Least favourite prosecutor?Manfred von Karma. Or the Payne brothers.
15. Least favourite ship?Anything incestuous (I absolutely mean Apollo and Trucy. :/ )
16. Least favourite victim?Shadi Smith? :P
17. Least favourite murderer?Probably Gant, again, cause he’s a fuck ass.
18. Least favourite assistant?This is an incorrect statement, there is no least favorite assistant. Hard pass.
19. Least favourite witness?OLDBAG.
20. Least favourite memory of Ace Attorney?GOD... this is hard.. uhh.. probably the  Miles Edgeworth chooses death. Cause it was just generally really upsetting?
DO YOU PREFER…?
21. Phoenix Wright or Apollo Justice?Husband or boyfriend? I will not choose.
22. Maya Fey or Trucy Wright?... Trucy.
23. Investigations or trials?Investigations were simple and never stressful, while trials were. But trials were more exciting.
24. College Phoenix or Hobo Phoenix?AUGH Hobo Nick. Hands down.
25. Klavier Gavin or Kristoph Gavin?Klavier all the way. Fuck glasses boy.
26. Ace Attorney or Ace Attorney Investigations?Aw man... I think non-investigations, cause Miles just made me feel stupid all the damn time.
27. Apollo’s perceive, Phoenix’s magatama or Athena’s Mood Matrix?Perceeiivveee... PERCEEIIIVVEEE.
28. Ace Attorney trilogy or Apollo Justice and Dual Destinies?Apollo Justice and Dual Destinies.
29. 3D models or sprites?I think 3D models.
30. Ema Skye as she is in Rise from the Ashes or Ema Skye as she is in Apollo Justice?Both are great, but I do miss the adorable, almost spirited child that Ema was before she cracked down on her work. Still a great gal, though!
MISCELLANEOUS
31. Did you like what they did to Phoenix in Apollo Justice?Do I like it? No. Do I understand what happened and why he is the way he turned out to be? Absolutely. Character growth, however bad it comes, is still great. He still came back up from what Kristoph did to him, and I’m proud of the man he became after.
32. Your opinion on Dai Gyakuten Saiban?When localize??
33. Do you think Dai Gyakuten Saiban and/or Miles Edgeworth Investigations 2 will get localised to the West?Mmm.. Part of me says no, but I still want to have hope.
34. Do you think Miles Edgeworth should get another Investigation-game or do you think another character deserves a spin-off?While I do want another Miles game, it would be SO cool to have a game for maybe Mia when she started out? Like joining Grossberg’s office, and Diego showing her the ropes. (And maybe so I can indulge a little in my Miego ship...)
35. Opinion on the soundtrack of the Ace Attorney-franchise?I loVE it.
36. Do you like where the franchise is heading or did you prefer the atmosphere in the original trilogy?Umm.. Little of both? I don’t want Nick to possibly be left behind. And I REALLY think Apollo should come back at some point. They did him dirty leaving him in Khura’in for an indefinite amount of time. I want him home with Nick, and Trucy, and Athena.
37. Capcom suddenly announces that Phoenix will no longer appear in the Ace Attorney franchise! Your reaction?FURIOUS.... But I’ll still play...
38. Capcom suddenly announces that the Ace Attorney franchise has ended for good! Your reaction?Massive disappointment.. upset.. I think.. Feeling like there’s no closure...?
39. Would you like there to be another Ace Attorney/Professor Layton crossover game?I have the first one, have yet to play it, but I think that would be cool! Maybe include Miles, or maybe Apollo in the second one?
40. Would you like an Ace Attorney anime?IRONICALLY, THERE IS ONE! 
41. Opinion on anime cutscenes in Ace Attorney?I love it. I LOVE IT.
42. Would you want to play an Ace Attorney game where you take on the prosecutors role?If you mean not like Investigations, but like literally a mirror of the regular series, I think that would be fucking cool as shit. Instead of investigating scenes like the defense does, you, the prosecutor, interrogate the witnesses. Oooohhh....
43. Do you like having DLC in Ace Attorney-games?Mmmm... It’s nice having more stuff, but I’d rather they just spend the extra time and put it in the game rather than charge you for it later on.
44. Opinion on Lamiroir’s storyline?*fart noise* Rather not answer.
45. One thing you think the Ace Attorney games can improve on?Uuuhhh... Closure? For Apollo, I mean? I dunno, can’t really say
46. Capcom suddenly announces an Ace Attorney movie! Would you like it to be based on an already existing case or would you like an all new storyline?There already is a movie! And either would be great! It was only the first 4 cases, so maybe continuation for it? And new cases would be cool, too.
47. Capcom suddenly announces an Ace Attorney movie! Would you prefer it being live-action, 3D animated or 2D animated?Any of these are great, I have ZERO preferences.
48. If there could be an Ace Attorney crossover with whatever franchise you’d like, which one would you choose? (Does not need to be a video-game franchise)Hmm... Off the top of the my head, I think a crossover with Tiger & Bunny would be hilarious. (in a sad way, with Kotetsu needing all the aid he can get after destroying property... maybe this was a bad idea.)
49. Opinion on recurring witnesses? (Wendy Oldbag, Lotta Hart, Larry Butz, etc.)No opinion. It’s nice to seem them again.
50. Do you think Dual Destinies deserved its M-rating?Mmm... If I knew exactly what it was for, I could tell you. Maybe the blood? I’m not sure.
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icescrabblerjerky · 5 years
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Petrichor Daisy/Basira
Petrichor - the smell of dry rain on the ground
Set in the present timeline. Augh these two are making me almost as sad as Jon and Martin at the moment. 
She gets frustrated with her legs, it’s the closest thing to her old rage and fire that Basira has seen in Daisy and it makes Basira’s heart thud painfully against her chest to hear her swear at herself like that. Sometimes she swears in Welsh, and that’s when Basira knows she’s the most angry, “Fel rhech mewn pot jam” - as useless as a fart in a jam jar, she says, and other things that aren’t quite as ridiculous. Basira shakes her head and smiles, an echo of happier times, although the fact that she is looking back on Daisy’s time as a hunter as happy should be more concerning.
“You’ll get there,” Basira says, and takes Daisy’s arm as they walk across to the park nearest the institute. It’s cold and windy and it’s been dry for longer than usual in London, but there are dark clouds threatening above them and Daisy needs to do her exercises before the rain hits. Before it gets dark. Before it’s not safe for them out here.
She watches Daisy do her exercises and helps when it’s needed. They’ll be leaving for Ny Alesund in a couple of days. She doesn’t know if she’s more upset about having to be in close quarters with Jon for so long or by the prospect of walking into a nest full of men like Raynor. Either way, she is acutely conscious that every moment with Daisy now could be their last.
“Penny for your thoughts,” Daisy says, slightly breathless.
“They’re not worth that much,” Basira says, an old, familiar joke. Daisy reaches out and twines her fingers with Basira’s as the first rain drop falls and the air around them erupts with petrichor. Daisy’s stuttering breath at the smell makes Basira let out a small, sad sound and she cups the back of Daisy’s head, bringing her in to rest their foreheads together.
“It’s all right,” she lies. “It’s going to be all right.”
I’m taking prompts all through the hiatus, drop some in my inbox!
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osmw1 · 5 years
Text
Poison-Wielding Fugitive   Chapter 71
what would you like to read next? suggest titles for me to translate!
Though the dragonslayers all seemed to be afflicted by the miasma, they still wielded their weapons with resolution and took the fight to the Bio Corpse Hydra and the priest behind it. The plaza where everybody was situated was in a state of disrepair, and the homes surrounding the area were destroyed. The remaining dragonslayers who had not joined the battle were rescuing the townsfolk and carrying them to safety.
However, the hydra was much nimbler than its looks suggested. I was honestly could not have kept up with Celes and her squad as the buff from Veno’s poison had dissipated. Veno probably knew exactly how strong it was. Strong enough to wreck me, that’s for sure.
“Ugh…”
The Bio Corpse Hydra swung its tail and struck a dragonslayer, sending him flying. The dragonslayer landed some distance away and slumped over motionless. Don’t tell me… he’s dead…?! Did… did this all happened because I came to this town?
‘Nay. ‘tis because I resisted their Forced Possession Summoning. Thou oughtest not to worry.’ “Yukihisa. Lord Holy Dragon.” “Muuuu.”
Arleaf did her best casting Aroma Heal with Muu as a catalyst on the dragonslayers. Then, she grabbed me by the shoulders and started shaking.
“Get ahold of yourself!” “But… if I weren’t… it’s my fault they…” ‘Nay, I am to blame…’
Perhaps it was hubristic of me to think I could save anyone. It was because they got involved with me that first Nisua… and now Lif’el… Accompanied with a loud clap, my cheek seared with pain.
“Yukihisa! Lord Dragon! Have you snapped out of it yet? Please, stop blaming yourselves.” “But…” “Neither of you have done anything wrong. The one guilty of this all is… well, in the case of my village, it would be Elbatoxin and the followers of the Holy Yggdrasil. The ones guilty are whoever did this without so much a pang of conscience, the ones who tolerated all of this. They are the ones who committed these horrible deeds and not you, Yukihisa.”
When Arleaf spoke so bluntly… her expression and the way she spoke seemed identical to her ancestor.
“After learning of the truth, Celes immediately jumped into battle without even thinking about herself. What we should do is grant her wish and help take the townsfolk to safety. And then… we should defeat that foul creature and its puppeteer.”
Am I right?, Arleaf followed up her pep talk.
“Muu!”
Muu seems to agree with what Arleaf had to say.
‘… aye. We should do exactly as the lass says: ensure safety for the few who are still alive, slay the beast, then deal with the priest.’ “Yeah… you’re right.”
I realized I didn’t have time to waste feeling sorry for myself. We’re a pretty capable party.
“Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”
As I was pumping myself up, Celes found a gap through the Bio Corpse Hydra and she unleashed her Luminous Blade at the priest. It clashed against his magical barrier and then split through, cutting the priest’s veil. She was still following through her swing, but the priest… caught her blade with his bare hand?!
“Wha—!”
Even Celes was shocked. I mean, she’s the strongest one around, isn’t she? How can anyone stop her special move with a single hand?
‘Hmm…?’
The priest’s veil drops onto the ground, revealing a wrinkly old elf looking down at Celes with scorn.
“You have done well to make it this far, but you shall get no further! You filthy humans foolishly underestimate my power!”
Then, he sent his fist straight onto Celes’ abdomen. It might sound like an exaggeration, but he sent her flying for about five meters.
“Ugh… augh…” “Your misconception that defeating me would end everything is, unfortunately for you, incorrect. Ahh, it will be such a pleasure to torture Saint Yggdra’s finest warriors, ahahaha…”
The wrinkly old fart was extremely cocky. Well, if you’re so strong, you be the leader of the dragonslayers then. Anyway, the Karma Blaze strapped to Arleaf’s back started to glow like it never has before.
“Whoa?!” “W-What the…?!” “Hmm?!”
The bright light drew the attention of the priest.
“I-Is that the light of the sacred sword?! Impossible!”
Just as he was about to torture Celes to death, the priest began to panic.
“The sword…”
The sacred sword slowly lifted itself away from Arleaf’s back and floated upwards… and in front of me. … is it telling me I should wield it? I gingerly extend my hand out.
“Attack! Kill him now!”
The priest shouted his command at the Bio Corpse Hydra and it acknowledged the priest with a loud roar before charging over at us.
“Cohgray!” I immediately grab Karma Blaze and then… a scene unfolded in front of my eyes.
     This seemed like some laboratory or test facility but by the far wall stands a tree. Arleaf’s ancestor and the man who dreamt of reclamation rushes in… they look older than I remember. Standing across from them is an arrogant-looking elf.
“Virage, don’t do it!” “Hahaha… I did not expect you to be able to follow my trail.” “Do you have any idea what the hell you’re doing?!” “Of course I do. Since we have so painstakingly revived the world tree… we would be halting the progress of civilization if we do not make the best use of its graces. Everyone here understands. Everyone wishes to live with abundance. You, however, take it too easy.”
The prideful elf spits out his words.
“There is nothing wrong with treasuring the world tree. On the reverse, you are definitely in the wrong! Not only will your machines kill the world tree, it will go out of your control! The world cannot take any more damage! Why do you think Veno sacrificed his life?!” “Hmpf! Such foolishness… that stupid dragon wanted to see this world prosper? I am doing no more than hurrying that.”
With a snap of his fingers, the elf’s goons surrounded him… as he flicked the switch on, powering the machine. Then, the tree in the back started glowing.
“Hahahahahahaha! Do you understand yet? This marks the beginning of a new era!” “Stop!”
The man who dreamt of reclamation rushed over, but Virage showed no signs of stopping. It was immediately apparent what the machine did. A black, evil light began to flicker.
“What?!”
The earth began to quake as the needles snap out of the gauges.
“Cease it at once!” “I-I shall do no such thing! It is going critical!”
The evil glow filled the immediate area and, starting with the man who dreamt of reclamation, a force knocked them all over. In the middle of that light… was the shadow of a dragon much like Veno flying off somewhere. The only positive thing was that light seemed to have protected the men at the hypocenter. What we now call miasma began infecting the nation, forcing the survivors to take refuge. And in the middle of all of that… the shamefaced elf and his men all spout out the same rehearsed lines and blamed everything onto the man who dreamt of reclamation.
“I was forced to go through this inhuman plan by him!” “Lies! This was all you!” “What are you saying?! We are the victims here! How dare you lay the blame on us?! You despicable monster! You dreamer! It is your fault that everybody has now lost their homes!” “That’s right!”
Of course, there were people who still believed in the man who dreamt of reclamation… but it would be understatement to call it a tragedy. Dispirited, the man who dreamt of reclamation held his Karma Blaze and began to speak.
“We will be fine… no matter how difficult, how terrible the situation we get dragged into, we are simply back to square one. We simply have to once again build a better land for everyone to live, just as how Veno lent us this land before. Let us found a nation that they would envy… let us create the world that Veno envisioned, however…” He paused before continuing to speak to his sword.
“The only regret I have is that when Veno reawakens, he would feel utterly betrayed. He… he was a great guy. And even if I can’t do it in this generation, I want him to see how beautiful this world will become.”
I still don’t know whether his dream came true or not. I mean, I don’t really know this world and Veno doesn’t have any relation with the people alive now. I’ve been living as a fugitive, but I’m sure there’s a lot of the world I haven’t seen yet. There’s not much land people can live on because of the miasma. Arleaf’s family, his direct descendent, were forced to live right by the swamp.
But Karma Blaze witnessed those days. He passed down his world for us to see.
 Oh, by the way, Veno?
‘What is it?’
What exactly is Karma Blaze? Is this the only one there is in the world?
‘Must I explain it right here and now? Well, simply put, there are more than this one. I know not the true name of the lass’ sword, but there seems to be multiple. It activates only when it judges someone to be heroic and his enemy wicked. It is an inexplicable sword.’
I understood what Veno meant though. To get into more detail, it seems like when heroes visit a certain ancient temple, a sword would appear out of thin air on the altar. But if there are these hero’s swords in the first place, why would they come up with stuff like Forced Possession Summoning and that crazy living creature weapon? If people want heroes, they should at least live on as legend, right? Those heroes can just fight for world peace, can’t they?
‘I wonder. Even I til this day know not the location of that temple. However, it is surprising that the dragonslayers do not wield such a weapon. ‘tis as if they have discarded it for Forced Possession Summoning and that patchwork beast.’
You think so, too? From what I can tell, these sacred swords seem to mean bad business for some people. And then, Karma Blaze finds that one person.
      Without warning, I had been transported back to my body and the priest had just commanded to hydra to attack us. That priest… aside from more wrinkles on his face, he looks like a clone of Virage.
“Hurry and kill him! Do not let the sacred sword activate!”
Oh… I get it.
‘I do too. Uhh… testing, one, two, three.’
Veno’s voice suddenly became a lot louder.
“Wh-What?!” ‘What a coincidence to see you here, Virage. Everything had truly worked well for thee. Thou hadst successfully outwitted him and used the rest of us as scapegoats. Thou nearly deceivedest both me and the sword too.’ “Wh-Who are you?! Veno Yveval?!”
Oh, so Elfé’s real name is Virage then?
what would you like to read next? suggest titles for me to translate!
contents: /ch001/ /ch002/ /ch003/ /ch004/ /ch005/ /ch006/ /ch007/ /ch008/ /ch009/ /ch010/ /ch011/ /ch012/ /ch013/ /ch014/ /ch015/ /ch016/ /ch017/ /ch018/ /ch019/ /ch020/ /ch021/ /ch022/ /ch023/ /ch024/ /ch025/ /ch026/ /ch027/ /ch028/ /ch029/ /ch030/ /ch031/ /ch032/ /ch033/ /ch034/ /ch035/ /ch036/ /ch037/ /ch038/ /ch039/ /ch040/ /ch041/ /ch042/ /ch043/ /ch044/ /ch045/ /ch046/ /ch047/ /ch048/ /ch049/ /ch050/ /ch051/ /ch052/ /ch053/ /ch054/ /ch055/ /ch056/ /ch057/ /ch058/ /ch059/ /ch060/ /ch061/ /ch062/ /ch063/ /ch064/ /ch065/ /ch066/ /ch067/ /ch068/ /ch069/ /ch070/ /ch071/ /next/
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jbankai89 · 6 years
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Never Let Me Go [41/41]
A/N: To say that this epilogue got away from me would be a massive understatement—it wound up being approximately three times as long as one of my usual chapters for this story. Whoops?
I just want to say here—thank you. This story has been in my life for nearly a full year, and the response to it has been nothing short of staggering. The comments, likes, recommendations...in less than a year this story has surpassed practically every marker of my other stories, and I'm just amazed and humbled by the response. So thank you guys, so, so, so, so much for all of your support throughout the process of writing this, whether through chats on Tumblr, to comments, kudos, or bookmarks on AO3, it's been an amazing journey. Though I do plan to post the alternate story, Hold Me Close ~eventually~ (and maybe a short Phinami piece!) I do need a break from this 'verse for a bit, so chances are the next YOI fic that I pose will not be part of this universe, but something else, because my poor brain needs a break. If you want updates on what I'm doing or you wish to either send me an Ask or message, you can get in touch with me on through this blog, or on Instagram via jibwritesandcooks.
Again, thank you, and I hope you guys enjoy the epilogue! ^.^
Five Years Later
“Mama!” a voice screamed, “Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama!”
A tiny blonde girl barrelled into Yuri's legs, nearly making him fall over, and he glared down at his second born.
“What is it, Helina?” he asked as he crouched down to scoop her up, and sniffling, she wrapped her little arms around his neck in something close to a chokehold. “No, really what's wrong?”
“Hana did it again!” she shrieked into Yuri's ear, and he groaned.
“Yuuri!” Yuri barked, and Yuuri came barrelling downstairs, his face white as he gazed at Yuri and his distraught daughter.
“What is it?” Yuuri asked, “we're sort of busy up there—” Yuuri broke off when Minami screamed, then added, “so this better be important.”
“I don't give a flying finger of fate if you're exorcising a demon or anything else,” Yuri snapped grumpily. “I'm playing Mat` to six girls down here. Now, would you please tell Hana to stop sitting on Helina and farting?”
“Oh, not again...Hana!” Yuuri shouted, “Hana get your little butt over here now!”
“I didn't do it!” a muffled voice called out from the direction of the playroom, followed by the distinct patter of Hana rushing over to her mother, pigtails swinging, and her hazel eyes bright with mock innocence. “Whatever she said, she's a big fibber, Mama!”
“I did not fib!” Helina cried indignantly from her perch in Yuri's arms, “Hana is the fibber! She sat on me, and farted!”
“All right, that's it!” Yuri shouted, just as four other faces peeked out at him from the playroom's door frame. “From this day forward, no one is to fart in this household ever again! Am I making myself perfectly clear?”
“Yes, Mat`,” Helina said.
“Yes, Dyédya,” Hana said at the same time.
Yuri set his youngest down, and she scurried off before he could say a word, with her cousin hot on her heels. Yuuri was standing next to him and smiling, while Yuri shook his head a little.
“I swear, I never sounded batshit crazy before I had that little demon. Alvinia was perfect, then I had...her.”
“Demon Child Number Two?” Yuuri asked innocently, and Yuri snorted.
“You can talk,” he retorted, and Yuuri smiled at him apologetically, before he quickly changed the subject. “How's Minami doing?”
“Nine, nearly ten centimetres,” Yuuri replied. “He's in a lot of pain, but Phichit and the midwife are helping. I think Phichit being all supportive and not moving from his side for sixteen hours is keeping him calm, so...less pain.”
“Have I missed any good lines?” Yuri asked with a small smirk, and Yuuri covered his mouth as he began to laugh.
“Well...no, not really. Mostly lots of crying, and oh, it hurts, oh it hurts sort of thing. No swearing, you still hold that title.”
“Damn straight,” Yuri replied, making Yuuri laugh again, just as another cry sounded from upstairs.
“I better get back up there,” Yuuri said. “Are you good, or do you want Viktor to come down and give you a hand?”
“Beka should be home soon,” Yuri replied as he shook his head. “We'll swap out after he gets back.”
Yuuri nodded and headed back up, and at nearly the same moment Otabek burst through the door, stacks of pizza boxes balanced precariously in his arms, and from the playroom Yuri could hear a unified cry of, “pizza!”
Makkachin lunged at the door with an excited bark, but luckily Yuri caught his collar, stopping the attack short as Otabek was swarmed with youngsters, who had circled the alpha and began chanting, “Pi-zza! Pi-zza! Pi-zza!” in an eerie sort of way, as though they were performing some sort of bizarre ritual.
“Hang on, hang on, girls!” Otabek cried as he led them all towards the kitchen and dining room combination. “I need plates, and someone needs to get the drinks and chicken wings out of the car—Alvinia?”
“Augh, Äke, why me?” she whined, and placed her hands on her hips as she pouted at her father.
“Okay, um, Yuriko, why don't you—” Yuri coughed pointedly, cutting Otabek off. Otabek turned to him, and Yuri raised his eyebrows pointedly. “No, wait, Avi, car. Get the drinks. You're a big girl now, and you can help. Yuriko can go with you.”
“Does it still means I hasta do it if Mat` made you say it?” she drawled, and Yuri snorted a little at her comeback.
“You heard what your Äke said,” Yuri added. “Go get the drinks before your cousins all die of starvation and thirst. We promise to save a cheese slice for you.”
Alvinia groaned again, and swept a strand of black hair from her eyes that had fallen out of her long braid as she sauntered towards the door with Yuriko following more quietly. The moment that they'd gone, Otabek and Yuri began to snicker as Yuri pulled down the plates, and Otabek organized the pizza boxes, with the cheese and pepperoni ones stacked on top.
“Oh, Yura,” Otabek said with another chuckle, “we are in so much trouble when that girl hits puberty...”
“I wonder whose fault that is,” Yuri shot back teasingly, while he offered Otabek a sly smirk, and set down the plates next to the boxes, and then went for the plastic sippy cups. “But, Beka, I am proud of you for sticking to your guns today and not letting her have her way. I admit, we probably should've started earlier, but...”
“We've started, that's what counts,” Otabek added with a weak smile as he piled plastic knives and forks on top of the plates. “But it's still so hard to say no to her...she's our baby, you know?”
“And about to start Kindergarten,” Yuri added with a sly grin. “I almost laughed when that woman said she wanted more diversity at her school, when in walks little Avi, with her alpha and omega parents, and speaking not one, not two, but five fucking languages perfectly. I don't think I've ever seen someone go for the approval stamp so damn fast.”
“Little Avi and her attitude,” Otabek corrected, “I bet you twenty bucks that she becomes an actress or something, she's just got so much damn sass.”
“She got all her sass from me,” Yuri whined, “how come you never told me I could be an actor?”
“Yuri!” Otabek protested, and his eyes widened with horror when Yuri's pout became much more pronounced. “Well, I just...and you're just...erm, what I mean to say is that—”
“Uh, Beka?”
“What?”
“I'm teasing.”
Otabek opened his mouth as he stared at Yuri, then closed it again. He opened and closed his mouth a few more times, before he finally said, “you're a terrible person, I'm running on three hours of sleep, and I'm not talking to you anymore.”
Yuri barked a laugh, then turned to the group of girls, all seated at the table and chattering away happily, and cupped his hands around his mouth as he called, “okay! Who wants what pizza?”
“Wait, wait!” Alvinia shrieked from the front door, “don't forget me!” without another word, she raced into the kitchen, tripping over the threshold as she went, and toppled down with a yelp, spilling canned drinks everywhere, but thankfully, none of them opened.
“Oh, Zha`nym,” Otabek cooed as he rushed away from the counter and over to Alvinia, who was sitting up slowly, one of her knees reddened, and her bottom lip quivering.
“I fell,” she said, sniffling a little when she looked up at her father. “M-My knee hurts.”
“Oh, your poor knee,” Otabek said as he scooped her up and carried Alvinia over to one of the stools next to the breakfast nook. “Let's have a look...Yuri? Could you get those drinks?”
Yuri pursed his lips a little, but nodded as he scooped up the cans and set them aside, while out of the corner of his eye he watched Otabek fetch an ice pack from the freezer, wrapped it in a tea towel, and pressed it to Alvinia's reddened knee, while she continued to sniffle and rub at her eyes.
Deciding it best to not lecture his child just yet, Yuri turned back to Yuriko, who had toddled in with the box of spicy chicken wings, pointedly walking carefully as though she was afraid of falling like Alvinia had.
“I have them,” Yuriko said in a rush and held out the box, and Yuri chuckled a little as he gazed down at the blue-eyed girl, her braids swinging and her cheeks flushed with shyness.
“What do you have, sweetheart?” Yuri asked, and her face went redder.
“The...the...chicken things.”
“Chicken wings.”
“Chicken wings,” she repeated, and beamed when Yuri offered her a small smile.
“Yeah,” she replied, her pigtails swinging. “Is Avi okay?”
“She's fine,” Yuri replied, “just a little bump. Her Äke is gonna fix her up.”
“Oh, good,” Yuriko smiled. “Avi runs a lot. She gets a-cited, and runs, and gets bumps that only Ağa can fix.”
“Yes, well, maybe this will teach her to not run with her arms full,” Yuri replied with the same smile as he took the wings from the girl, and set them on the counter with the pizza. “Can you do me a favour, Yuriko? It's a big girl job.”
“I'm a big girl!” she piped, and grinned. “I can do it, Dyédya!”
“Good, I know you can,” Yuri replied, and patted her head once, making her giggle. “I want you to go to the dining room and ask everyone what kind of pizza they want, and what drink. Can you do that for me?”
“That's a big job, Dyédya!” she said, puffing her chest out importantly. “I can do it!”
“I know you can,” Yuri said with a chuckle, and gave her a small nudge. “Go on, go ask your siblings and cousin what they want.”
“'Kay!”
Without another word Yuriko darted out of the kitchen and headed for the dining room, at the same moment, Yuri spotted his own child trying to sneak back to the table with the others unnoticed, but froze when she caught sight of Yuri watching her.
“What have I told you about running in the house, missy?”
“That...it's cute?”
“Try again.”
“Sorry, Mat`,” Alvinia replied with a frown and distinctive puppy-dog look in her eyes, which had no effect on Yuri whatsoever.
“I have told you a hundred times—no running in the house, especially when you're carrying stuff in your arms. No dessert tonight.”
“But, Mat`—!” Alvinia protested, whining audibly, but Yuri ignored it.
“No,” he said. “You do not run in the house. Go sit down, we'll bring out the food in a moment.”
Hanging her head, Alvinia shuffled out of the kitchen, just as Yuriko hurried back in, her face still flushed with excitement from doing her big girl job.
“Viktoria, me, and Helina wants cheese, and ehbody else wants pepperonis and cheese,” she said proudly. “And...and, me, Viktoria, and Hana wants coke, and Helina wants root beer, and Antonia wants sprite.”
“Got it!” Otabek called proudly from the counter as he opened the boxes and plated the requested slices, while Yuri took the soft drinks to the sink and cracked them open, thankfully with minimal overflow before he transferred them to the sippy cups. They also plated a slice of cheese pizza for Alvinia, as well as a coke, and carried everything out to the table two by two, to a chorus of thank yous from the girls—except Alvinia, who was still sulking.
Yuri stood by his daughter's side, his eyebrows raised and arms crossed. Her eyes seemed even more green than usual when glazed with tears, and though she could get virtually anything she wanted from Otabek in this state, she and Yuri both knew that her Mat` was harder to break, and Yuri merely stood there, not saying a word, until Alvinia mumbled a sullen, “thank you, Mat`,” before Yuri smiled, and stepped away.
“You want to trade with Viktor and Yuuri for a bit?” Yuri asked as he stepped back into the kitchen, where Otabek was pulling out the Grown-Up Pizza—vegetarian for Phichit, meat lover's for Viktor, and all-dressed for everyone else—except Minami, who was a little busy at the moment. “Yuuri suggested it just before you got back, but I said we might go up after you got in. Minami's still got a bit of a way's to go—Yuri told me that Minami was at nine centimetres the last time it was checked.”
“How dilated does an omega have to be to give birth again?” Otabek asked as he cracked open one of the coke cans over the sink, then sipped at the foam quickly. “I remember Helina was eleven or twelve...”
“Alvinia was eleven, Helina was fourteen 'cause she had a really fat head,” Yuri said as he helped himself to one of the pizza slices. “It can be up to fifteen, so anywhere from one to five more hours, depending on how big the baby is.”
“That's not a wide divide at all,” Otabek said sarcastically, and Yuri chuckled as he nudged the alpha's shoulder. Otabek laughed as he grabbed the chicken wings and a sharpie, and began to scrawl something on the top of it, making Yuri eye him curiously.
“What're you doing?”
“Baby chicken wings,” Otabek explained as he held out the box for Yuri to see, which now read, It's a, with a large blank space for girl or boy. “Once Minami and Phichit have their kid, I'll fill in the rest, reheat them, and bring them up.”
“Minami's going to love that,” Yuri said as he chuckled, “honestly, maybe the baby is just one giant buffalo wing, that's literally all he's been eating for the last nine months.”
“Oh, but you forget that time that Phichit made him those cauliflower-sriracha buffalo things!” Otabek said, and Yuri snorted as he recalled the pandemonium that ensued after Minami had whipped the faux buffalo wings at his mate, and the catastrophe of Phichit getting some of the sriracha sauce in his eyes.
“Those two made Alvinia's pregnancy look like a breeze, I swear,” Yuri said with another snicker. “It was just one drama after another after another after another...”
“And now they're ready to make our army of children an even seven.”
“Seven is an odd number, Beka.”
“Well, what would make it an even number—” Otabek began, but broke off with a laugh when he saw the scowl on Yuri's face. “Just teasing, Yura.”
“No more kids, Beka, I mean it,” Yuri said sternly, “two is more than enough for me.”
“I know, really,” Otabek said as he swept in and offered Yuri a light kiss. “I'm sorry that I brought it up.”
“Do you actually want more kids?” Yuri asked seriously as he glanced up at him, “seven is...a lot. And already it's pure, nonstop chaos in the house, and the one time we did the No Kids Camping Weekend for just you and me, we had to come home early because Yuuri called to tell us that Helina was having a fit, and kept screaming for us.”
“Seriously? No,” Otabek replied with a chuckle as he moved to stand at Yuri's back, and pressed his palms to the omega's flat stomach, making him shiver. “I just loved seeing you pregnant...I just find it so hot, and with Helina you were horny all the time...”
“Maybe I should apply to be a surrogate,” Yuri teased, “rent out my uterus to people who need it...”
“And turn me into a jealous monster for flipping out at the idea of some other alpha's sperm inside you? Hell no, Yura.”
“Then I think we need to be mature adults, and resist the urge to make more babies, even though it makes you all hot,” Yuri said as he got on his toes to peck Otabek's lips. “Come on, let's go check on the mother-to-be.”
Otabek smiled at him warmly as he nodded, and Yuri moved to perch the pizza boxes and chicken wings on top of the fridge and out of Makkachin's reach, while Otabek loaded himself up with plates of pizza slices, and Yuri grabbed the drinks—including Otabek's opened one—and they checked on the girls once before they headed upstairs.
“Shift change!” Yuri called as they reached the landing, and Yuuri and Viktor both poked their heads out of the room at the same time, and their faces brightened when they saw the load that they were carrying.
“Pizza!” Viktor cried cheerfully, and bounded forward to relieve Otabek of two of the plates, while Yuuri helped himself to two of the drinks.
“Careful,” Yuri warned with a vague smirk as Yuuri accepted the drinks. “Alvinia brought them in...and face-planted on the way into the kitchen.”
“Running again, was she?” Yuuri asked with a warm laugh. “That girl really doesn't lack for energy. Is she okay?”
“Fine,” Yuri replied, and shrugged. “Otabek freaked out, big shock—”
“—I can hear you, Yuri—”
“—and iced it right away, so she's totally fine.”
“Well, that's good,” Yuuri said with a small, relieved smile. “Come on, Viktor, probably a good idea to not leave the girls alone too long...”
“Coming!”
Without another word, the pair turned and descended the stairs, and Yuri watched them go with an amused smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“Come on,” Yuri said to Otabek after they'd gone, “let's go see how Mama is doing.”
As if on cue, another whimpering cry sounded from Minami and Phichit's bedroom, and Yuri and Otabek made a beeline for it, poking their heads in to see Minami laying on his back, his face shiny with sweat, and Phichit at his side, with the midwife in between his open legs. Several towels had been laid out on the bed, and both of Minami's cheerleaders were coaxing him through the latest contraction, while tears streamed from the omega's eyes, intermingling with his sweat as they disappeared into his hair.
“I can't do this,” Minami whined, “I can't, it hurts too much...”
“Yes you can, love,” Phichit said as he kissed him and mopped his forehead. “Remember what you told me? You said to me that you wanted to have our baby in a place that you felt safe and comfortable, and you said that you wanted a home birth. I know it hurts, sweetheart, but it's almost over. You can do this. You're so strong—way stronger than me. And if you can put up with months of shit from a psychotic alpha, you can totally do this.”
“But it hurts, it hurts, I can't—”
“Don't think about it,” Phichit said, “this is just a moment in time. In a little while, you'll be able to hold our child in your arms, and all the pain and uncomfortableness will be forgotten. You're stronger than this, love, just relax, and let your body do what it needs to do.”
“We got spicy buffalo wings for you when you finish?” Otabek offered, breaking up the dramatic scene, and Yuri buried his face in his free hand with a groan.
“What?” Otabek said, “what did I say?”
When Yuri looked back up, Otabek appeared confused and a little lost by the blank looks he was getting from Minami and Phichit. Yuri set down the drinks he had been holding, relieved Otabek of his pizza plates, and took his hands gently.  
“My dear alpha, I beg you not to help me,” Yuri said sweetly, causing Phichit to snort.
“It's like I have a disease,” Otabek mumbled as they sat down at Minami's bedside, Yuri close enough to take Minami's hand, and the omega smiled at him weakly. “Every time there's an omega in labour around I just say the stupidest shit...”
“Using chicken wings as an incentive isn't nearly as bad as that time you panicked when I went into labour for Helina,” Yuri said dryly, and Otabek flushed at the memory. “As I recall, you ran out of the hospital room, came back with a bunch of balloons, and told me that you brought me flowers.”
“At least Avi liked them,” Otabek retorted teasingly, “she kept calling them baba-loons.” Yuri snorted a little at Otabek's words as he turned his attention back to Minami. At the same moment, he groaned as another contraction hit, and his hand tensed in Yuri's weakly.
“Ohh...” he whined and his head fell back on the pillow. “Phichit, it hurts...”
“It's okay, love,” Phichit said as he moved in to gently kiss his forehead, “you can do it, just breathe, that's it...”
As the contraction passed, the Midwife, who had been relatively quiet up to that point, straightened up, and she offered Minami a warm smile.
“Honey, I have good news, you are almost done,” she said, her smile widening when Yuri, Phichit, and Otabek all gasped at once, having not anticipated this moment for a while longer. Before Yuri could ask if she meant what he thought she meant, she added, “I see the head, so now's the time to start pushing. Are you ready?”
“I—I think so,” he replied as he nodded, his gaze swivelling from Phichit to Yuri as he spoke. “Yeah, I think I'm ready.”
“All right, hon, now, when I say push, I want you to bear down and push as hard as you can, okay?” she said, and Minami nodded, though his eyes were bleary with both uncertainty and exhaustion. “And...push!”
Yuri, Phichit, and Otabek all echoed the midwife, crying “push, push, push, push!” at the same time, while Minami screwed his eyes shut, bowed his head forward, and pushed as hard as he could. When the contraction passed, he slumped down against his pillows with a sharp gasp, his chest heaving, while he continued to cling to Phichit and Yuri desperately.
“Great job, Minami, you're getting there!” the midwife said. “Are you ready for another?”
“No,” he replied with a whine, but he was smiling weakly, as though he knew that he had to push either way.
“Okay, come on, push, push, push! You can do it!”
Minami pushed again, this time accompanied by a scream, tears and sweat dripping from his chin as the first bit of white, viscera-coated flesh began to poke out from between Minami's spread legs, while he squeezed Yuri's hand so hard that his fingers began to go numb.
“Almost there, come on,” the midwife encouraged, “you have the head almost out, push!”
Minami screamed again, his face red, and Yuri, Phichit, and Otabek cried out joyfully as the baby made it the rest of the way out, and the midwife began to wipe it down as it let out a gurgling, raspy cry, its little eyes clenched shut, and Yuri and Otabek exchanged excited grins as the midwife handed the wrapped child to Minami, and held out a pair of specialized scissors to Phichit.
“Would you like to cut your son's cord?” she asked, and both Yuri and Otabek grinned as Phichit blinked back tears, and accepted the scissors.
“I have a son,” Phichit said weakly, his tone bordering on dumbstruck as he followed the midwife's instructions to cutting the cord, “I have...a son...”
“First boy,” Otabek whispered to Yuri to keep from ruining the moment, and Yuri smiled as he nodded.
The little baby boy was still crying as Minami held him and cooed at him, trying to settle him down, while the midwife pulled Phichit aside and murmured something to him, and he nodded a little as he sat down next to Minami and whispered something in his mate's ear. Minami's eyes widened, and he nodded as he asked, “how long do we have?”
“We better go soon,” Phichit said, “I don't want you to get an infection.”
“What's wrong?” Yuri interjected, “Minami, are you all right?”
“Apparently my boy ripped his way out of me, so we gotta go to the hospital and get me patched up,” Minami said, “I'm really tired, though...”
“If Phichit is okay with it, he can carry your son, and I can carry you to the car, you can borrow some of Yuri's maternity leggings, and we'll break out one of those doughnut cushions...”
“It's just a small tear,” the midwife added with a reassuring smile, “but I'm not qualified to suture, though, so a hospital would be best.”
“I'll go with them,” Otabek offered, “you can stay behind and tell everyone the good news.”
“The doctor may want to keep you on for a day or so for observation,” the midwife added, “so everyone can come visit you at the hospital a bit later, once you've had some rest.”
“Okay,” Minami said with a weary nod as he hugged his son close. The baby had finally calmed down, but was still a bit fussy as he lay curled in his mother's arms. “I wanted to stay home, but honestly, I'm too tired to argue.”
“I know, sweetheart,” Phichit said as he stroked Minami's hair, then leant in for a kiss. “But it's for the best, you know that.”
“I do,” he agreed with a weak smile.
Between Otabek and Yuri, they got Minami ready to leave, and Otabek carried him to the car, while Phichit stayed close with their infant son swaddled in his arms. They had been immediately swarmed by the other kids when they headed downstairs, but Viktor and Yuuri managed to keep them back as Phichit carefully put his newborn in the baby seat, while Otabek gently set Minami down next to it upon the doughnut-shaped cushion, then turned back to Yuri and offered him a quick kiss.
“I'll call as soon as you guys can come visit,” Otabek said as Phichit crawled in next to Minami, wrapping his arms protectively around his mate, while Otabek moved towards the driver's door.
“See that you do,” Yuri said with a wry smile, and leant up for another kiss. “Love you.”
“Love you too, Yura. Be back—”
“Wait!” Phichit called, and both Yuri and Otabek whipped around in alarm, only to see Phichit smile at them apologetically. “Sorry. I just...you can tell everyone his name, please? We picked out names before he was born, and...his name is Aran.”
“Aran Chulanont,” Minami added with a weary smile, and Yuri laughed a little as he closed his hand around the edge of the door.
“I'll tell them, don't worry. Just worry about you and your perfect little boy, okay?”
“'Kay,” Minami said with a slightly dopey smile, and Yuri shut the door.
Yuri took a step back as Otabek started the car, and smiled warmly as he waved off his mate and the newest addition to their family.
“Mat`, what happened, what happened?” Alvinia demanded as she burst out of the front door and rushed forward. Yuri immediately scooped his daughter up, while Helina chased after her sister, and latched herself to Yuri's leg. “Where is Minami-oji going? Is he okay? Is it a baby? Dyédya Viktor said it was an ostrich.”
“Your Dyédya is a big fibber,” Yuri said with a laugh as he set Alvinia down, and took her and Helina's hands, and led his daughters back inside. “They had a little boy, and they're calling him Aran. Minami-oji needed to go to the hospital because he got a little hurt, and they just need to make sure he's okay. Äke went with them to make sure that the doctors take good care of him and your new baby cousin.”
“Mama?” Helina asked around her thumb, which had been popped into her mouth.
“Yes?”
“What's an ozz...ozz...ozzwitch?”
“Ostrich, baby,” Yuri said with a chuckle as he shut the door and picked her up, supporting her with one arm while he continued to hold onto Alvinia's hand at the same time. “It's a really big bird that can't fly.”
“Is it bigger than Äke?”
“Much bigger.”
“Is it bigger than Dyédya Viktor?”
“Much bigger.”
“Is it bigger than Prádyed?”
“It's really, really big, dummy!” Alvinia said suddenly, and Yuri's eyes bulged, at the same moment that the girl at his side paled when she realized that she'd massively fucked up.
“Where on Earth did you hear that word?” Yuri asked softly, and he saw his daughter visibly swallow.
“I don't know?”
“Try again.”
“Um...um...” Alvinia's eyes darted left and right, her little brain clearly trying desperately to come up with some sort of explanation, when Viktor entered the hall with Yuriko in his arms. At the same moment, Alvinia pointed at her uncle and screeched, “Dyédya Viktor did it!”
“What?” Viktor squawked, “no, I didn't!” He paused, and blinked. “Hang on, what didn't I do?”
“Do we have to have another kids are sponges talk?” Yuri asked as he led the girls farther inside, then gently nudged them back towards the playroom where the other three were. They got the hint at once and scurried away quickly, while Viktor set Yuriko down, and she did the same. Once Yuri was certain that they were out of earshot, he turned his full attention back to Viktor. “Alvinia called her sister a dummy, and said that she heard it from you.”
“Viktor!” Yuuri cried, apparently having heard the discussion, and strode into the hall to face off with his mate. “We've talked about this! I've only just gotten the trio to stop calling their little sister buttmilk.”
“I'm sorry!” Viktor whined, “I was talking to Pot—” Viktor broke off abruptly and glanced at Yuri, who raised his eyebrows expectantly. “Erm...I was talking to one of our animals and called them a dumbass, and Avi heard me so I told her to not use that word, and she asked if dummy was okay...”
“And of course, being the brilliant parent that you are, you said yes,” Yuri filled in as he rolled his eyes, and Viktor flushed a deep red.
“Sorry,” Viktor mumbled. “She rushed off before I could correct her, you know how she is.”
“A neverending ball of energy, yeah, I know,” Yuri said, and snorted. “It's fine, just...try to curb your language around my kids. If I can resist dropping the F-Bomb, you can resist saying dumbass, dumbass—oh, and if I catch you calling my cat a dumbass ever again, I will beat you to death with a shovel.”
“It never ceases to amaze me just how kind and warm you are, Yurio,” Viktor teased as Hana toddled into the entryway, her thumb popped into her mouth, and her plush bunny rabbit dragging along the floor. She stopped in front of Viktor and held up her arms in a silent bid to be picked up, and Viktor indulged her at once. “You all right, sweetie?”
“Avi said that the baby went to the hopital,” she said from her perch in her father's arms, “how come?”
“Minami-oji got a little boo-boo that they need to look at, that's all, my lovie. We'll go see them soon.”
“Is it really a birb, Otets?” Hana asked, “you said it was an hostawich, and Avi said that an hostawich is a birb.”
“No, not really,” Viktor replied with a warm chuckle, “it's a boy. Minami-oji and Leung Phichit are calling him Aran—what's wrong?”
Yuri pressed his lips together to keep himself from laughing at the sour look that crossed the little girl's face as she said sullenly, “boys never play right. Will he be an omega or apha?”
“We don't know yet,” Yuri filled in as Hana turned towards him just as Helina wandered out into the hall, much in the same fashion that Hana had, and tugged on Yuri's hand until he relented and scooped his daughter up. She wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her head on Yuri's shoulder while he added, “they'll probably find out at the hospital.”
“I'm a bee!” Helina piped, and smiled proudly when Yuri laughed. “And you is an O.” Helina moved her little hand, presumably to poke the tip of Yuri's nose, but missed spectacularly shoved the digit as far up his nasal passage as it would go. Yuri yelped and pulled her hand away as she giggled, and he shook his head at his tiny terror with a wry smile.
~*~
“Ah, so Minami and Phichit had a little boy, did they?” Nikolai asked, and Yuri nodded into the camera. His grandfather looked well today, sitting up in his bed with a cardigan pulled on to stave off the autumn chill. “And what did they name him?”
“Aran,” Yuri replied. “It's Thai, I think. He looks so much like his Mat`, but he has Phichit's hair. He's very cute. As soon as Minami's feeling up to it, we'll bring him and the kids in shifts to the home to visit you.”
“Bring them all at once, synok, I am not so aged yet that I cannot handle a little chaos,” his grandfather replied with a chuckle. “I was seeing the doctors before you TimeFaced me, they found some of the feeling coming back to my left side, if this continues, they say I might be allowed to go home soon.”
“FaceTimed, Grandpa,” Yuri corrected with a laugh. “And did they? I must have missed their call, usually they let me know the second your condition changes.”
“It was only a little stroke, Yuratchka, I am fine—”
“A massive cerebral event is not a little stroke, Grandpa,” Yuri interrupted sternly, “I want you around for a long, long time, so you just make sure you focus more on getting well, and not rushing out of that place, all right?”
“Yes, yes, Yuratchka,” Nikolai replied with a warm chuckle, and Yuri shook his head a little as he smiled at his grandfather, hoping that despite his dismissive tone, he actually understood his condition better than he was letting on.
“Would you like to say hello to Helina and Alvinia?” Yuri asked, and Nikolai smiled, nodding his head a little.
Yuri mirrored his grandfather's expression as he got off his bed and went to the door, cracking it open as he called, “Alvinia! Helina! Come say hello to Prádyed!”
He listened to the thundering of his girls racing up the stairs as he backed onto the bed and lay down, roughly two seconds before the girls leapt onto the bed with him, and poked their little heads into view of the camera, beaming at their great-grandfather.
“Prádyed, look!” Helina piped as she held up her bandaged index finger.
“Oh, my! What happened to your little finger?” Nikolai asked with another chuckle, and Helina bounced excitedly in her seat at the attention from him.
“It got caught.”
“In what?”
“Avi's teeth.”
Yuri snorted as he eased back against the pillows upon his bed, one child on either side of him, chattering away with their great-grandfather happily, while they all waited for Otabek to get home from the hospital.
~*~
Four hours later, bordering on nearly eight o'clock, Otabek pulled back into the driveway, smiling with amusement at the pack of excited, chattering children who raced up to the stopped car, all demanding questions about Minami and the baby all at once.
“Minami-oji is fine, the baby is fine—oof!” Otabek grunted as Alvinia launched herself at him, and he hefted his daughter up as he added, “we can go visit them tomorrow, if you want.”
“But Ağa!” Antonia protested while she clung to his leg, “we wants to go now! I wanna see the baby!”
“I know, sweetheart,” Otabek said with a chuckle as he patted her head and slowly picked his way through the herd of children, making his way to the front door, where Yuri was waiting to offer him a kiss in greeting. “But it's late, it's almost bedtime, and Minami-oji needs to rest. Having a baby is a lot of work.”
“Damn straight it is,” Yuri muttered over the discomfited cries of the kids protesting bedtime, and Otabek snorted softly.
“Come on, everyone,” Otabek called as he wrapped his free arm around Yuri, still holding Alvinia with the other, “some hot chocolate, then bed! The sooner you go to sleep, the sooner we can visit Minami-oji tomorrow!”
To Yuri's overwhelming shock, the proclamation was not met with more complaints, but instead all the kids zipped inside without another word.
Including Alvinia, who all but leapt from her father's arms and followed the others inside.
“How...how did you do that?” Yuri asked softly, a note of awe in his voice as Otabek laughed and leant in for another kiss.
“Black magic, mostly,” Otabek teased, and Yuri snorted as they headed inside to find all the girls seated  politely around the dinner table, with Viktor and Yuuri in the kitchen, chatting happily and bringing two kettles to a boil while they filled up six heatproof sippy cups and kid-sized mugs with hot chocolate powder. Amusingly, Yuri noted that every time any of the girls began to talk, one of the others would hiss to silence them, and their mouths would immediately snap shut, as though they believed that they would not get to visit the baby if they made a sound. Yuri didn't mind this so much—it made a nice change from the usual chaos that preceded bedtime.
“Hot chocolate time!” Viktor called as he and Yuuri carried in the drinks for the girls, along with a plate of homemade cookies, and he began to dole out the treats to a resounding cheer, which made Viktor's smile broaden.
“I love this, you know,” Yuri murmured to Otabek as he watched Viktor and Yuuri hand out the before-bed sweets. “This whole family thing. I love it. Even when I'm plotting the murder of our kids, I still...all this, it's so good.”
“I know that you do, baby,” Otabek replied softly as he pressed a kiss to Yuri's temple, and the omega turned to kiss his mate properly. “It's obvious how much you adore them, even when you want to kill them.”
“I can't wait to see Minami and Aran tomorrow,” Yuri said, “was he doing okay when you left?”
“Phichit never left his side, and Aran was nursing when I headed home,” Otabek replied. “Aside from when he was first born, he's a quiet baby. Phichit was bragging about it practically the whole time.”
“Compared to all the little demons we have running around here, I can't exactly blame him for bragging,” Yuri muttered, causing Otabek to snort softly.
That night, very much like Christmas Eve, all the kids were eager to go to bed, anxious as they were for the next day to come in order to meet the newest member of their family—especially Helina, who had belatedly realized that the addition of Aran meant that she was no longer the youngest.
“I'm not the baby anymore, am I?” she asked curiously as Yuri scooped her up and placed her into her bed, and she gathered her plush bear close to her chest as she stared up at her mother.
“No you're not, love,” Yuri said as he sat down on the edge of her ocean-themed comforter and petted her hair lightly. “How do you feel about that?”
“I dunno...Hana said ever-one ferdot about her when you had me. Will you fordet about me when the baby comes home?”
“You will always be my baby, Helina,” Yuri murmured as he kissed her forehead. “No one could ever make me forget you.”
“I love you, Mama.”
“I love you too, baby.”
~*~
After story time and a final kiss goodnight, Yuri and Otabek switched rooms, with Otabek going to see Helina, and Yuri to Alvinia.
Alvinia was lying on her side under a comforter covered with dinosaurs, her plush cat Kisa in her arms, and she smiled a little when she saw her mother step inside.
“Hey, Trouble,” Yuri said teasingly as he moved over to her bed, and she giggled a little.
“Hi, Mat`,” she replied. “I'm not so tired yet, but I want tomorrow to come so I can hold the baby. Will tomorrow still come even if I never sleep?”
“Tomorrow always comes,” Yuri replied as he reached out to run his fingers through his daughter's dark, glossy hair, crimped and creased from the braid it had been in all day. “But you should probably try and sleep—when you don't, your body doesn't like it, and I don't think you want to feel all funky for when you see the baby tomorrow.”
“I'm the biggest big sister,” Alvinia said proudly, “I'm even biggerer than the triplets, even though they're oldest. I'll protect the baby from all the bad stuff, even if he's a boy.”
“I'm a boy,” Yuri pointed out, “and so is your Äke.”
“But you can't help it.”
“And the baby can?”
“Äke said babies is like...like Play-Dough.”
“They are, but that doesn't mean they can decide if they're a boy or a girl. It's just nature. Aran can't help that he was born that way—it's not his fault, so it wouldn't be fair to make him feel bad about it.”
“Then...how come Minami-oji and you and Yuuri-oji all feel bad?”
“Bad about what?”
“About being omegas,” Alvinia explained, “I hear you sometimes...you saying it's so bad to be an omega...or something. If you can't help it, how come you feel bad?”
Out of the mouths of babes, I swear...Yuri thought with a soft chuckle as he leant in and kissed Alvinia's cheek.
“We'll talk about it later, all right? We've all had a busy day, and now you need to sleep.”
“D'you promise we'll talk about it later?”
“Yes, love, I promise.”
~*~
Yuri sat with Alvinia a while longer, then after checking her closet and under her bed for monsters, Yuri traipsed back downstairs where the others were all watching Fried Green Tomatoes. Yuri was happy to cuddle up with Otabek, who offered him a kiss before pulling him close and draping the checked blanket over both their legs. Neither Yuri nor Otabek said anything—after so many years, there was nothing that needed to be said, and they happily relaxed for one of the last peaceful evenings they were likely to have before the baby came home.
When the credits began to roll, Yuri reluctantly extricated himself from Otabek's warmth with a soft sigh as he said, “I think I'll head to bed, it's been a long day, and the kids are gonna be wired tomorrow. Have we decided on what time we'll be going?”
“I thought around noon, but Phichit-kun promised to text me to let me know how Minami-kun's feeling tomorrow,” Yuuri replied from his spot on the sofa with Viktor, apparently quite content to stay put for the time being. Otabek, on the other hand, stood up, and Viktor eyed him incredulously.
“This isn't an office party, Otabek,” Viktor pointed out, “just because one person leaves doesn't mean we all have to.”
“And snuggling with my lovely, limber, and nubile mate beats making idle chitchat with you two any night of the week,” Otabek quipped. “Nighty night.”
“All these years and you're still so mean,” Yuuri whined as Yuri chuckled and reached for Otabek's hand.
“Which means he must be my soulmate,” Yuri replied without missing a beat, causing the other couple to snort as he and and Otabek meandered towards the stairs.
The pair bond went through their nightly routines in relative silence, and after pulling on their pyjamas and sliding into bed—careful to not dislodge Potya, who was napping on the end—but instead of reaching for his book as was usual for Otabek these days, instead the alpha tugged Yuri close and kissed him gently.
“What was that for?” Yuri asked as he reached up to twine a lock of dark hair between his fingers. “Not that I mind, but...well, you usually only kiss me like that when you have bad news.”
“It's not exactly bad news,” Otabek hedged, “but my therapist keeps telling me to be as open and honest with you as possible, but I think it's something you might react to badly, which is understandable, so I thought I should tell you ahead of time...”
“Tell me what, exactly? Just be clear and you'll know pretty quick if I'll react badly to it or not.”
“Well, while I was at the hospital...well, you see, the thing is...they tested Aran for his secondary sex status, and he's...he's an omega.”
“Oh, um...I see,” Yuri replied awkwardly, running a hand over his face as he took a breath and tried to process what he was feeling.
“Yura, this isn't Russia,” Otabek said firmly. “No one is going to take him away or hurt him. He's safe, you're safe, Yuuri is safe, and Minami is safe. None of you will be hurt for what you were born as.”
“I know that,” Yuri said grumpily as he cast a glare towards his partner, “but he'll still be treated differently for what he is, and we can't...we can't change it.”
“But you can prepare him, and protect him,” Otabek said as he began to gently stroke Yuri's hair. “That kid will have not one, but three omega mothers who can tell him how to keep himself safe. I can't imagine an omega child growing up in a more accepting and loving home than this one. No matter what happens, I know that he'll be safe and loved.”
Yuri sighed as he pressed his cheek to the side of Otabek's chest. As an alpha, he wouldn't be able to understand the terror that Yuri now felt at the prospect of the little boy that would grow up in such a world that did not want him, save for his procreation abilities.
Otabek ran a hand down Yuri's back in a vain attempt to comfort him. Otabek would never be able to understand why Yuri was so deeply affected by this news, and why Minami and Yuuri, by extension, would feel it too.
Yuri tried to sleep, but rest did not come for a long time.
~*~
The following morning was so chaotic that Yuri had little time to dwell on the news that Otabek had given him the previous night. It was filled with morning baths, the braiding or styling of hair, toast and eggs, orange juice in sippy cups, and a general excitement, for today the kids got to meet their new baby cousin.
With coffees in hand, the four adults loaded the kids into the van and drove off, stopping at a doughnut shop (much to the kids' excitement) on the way, to pick up some celebratory treats for Phichit and Minami.
“None until we get to the hospital,” Yuri said sternly, and the kids all let out a collective groan.
“You're no fun anymore, Dyédya,” said Viktoria.
“Can't we just...share one little one now?” asked Antonia.
“Burma!” screamed Hana suddenly, and all heads swivelled towards the four-year-old.
“Why'd you say Burma?” Yuri asked bemusedly.
“I don't know.”
From the front seat, both Yuuri and Viktor snorted, causing Hana to grin wildly as they headed for the hospital, all of the kids still trying to convince Yuri to let them have a doughnut, but the omega wouldn't budge, much to the dismay of the children.
The family made it to the hospital without further issue, and as they stepped inside, Yuri holding onto Alvinia and Helina's hands, Otabek supporting the box of doughnuts and spicy buffalo wings (the box of which now read, it's a boy!) and Viktor and Yuuri holding onto two kids each, they all ran into a familiar face.
“Hi, Doctor Boobie!” Alvinia chirped at the sight of her, and the Pediatrician's face turned a blotchy red as the adults just barely managed to hold in their snickers.
“That's Doctor Rudy, Avi,” Otabek said, and the woman smiled weakly as Alvinia continued to grin, and threw out her free arm for the doctor to see.
“Look, look! See? All better!”
“Yes, I can see that,” the doctor said with a small smile. “No more broken bones for you, right?”
“Uh huh,” she replied. “We're going to see Leung Phichit and Minami-oji today. He had his baby yesterday!”
“Oh, how exciting,” she said warmly, “are you going to be a good big sister to the baby?”
“Uh huh. He's a boy, but Mat` says he doesn't mean to be, so I'll be good.”
“There's a good girl,” she said, while Yuri offered her an apologetic smile, and the doctor shook her head dismissively while they parted ways. It hadn't been the first time Alvinia had called her Doctor Boobie, after all.
“Who wants to push the elevator buttons?” Viktor asked as they slowed to a stop in front of the hallway filled with four elevators, and predictably all the kids began shouting at once. “Quiet, quiet! Hospital Zone, no shouting!”
“Otets?” Hana asked.
“Yes, love?”
“Whas a Hopital Zoom?”
“It means you have to be quiet, because people come here to get better, and they can't if you make lots of noise.”
“Oh, okay.”
“So, let's pick some elevator pushers scientifically,” Viktor continued as though there had been no interruption, and he raised his hand, booping Alvinia on the nose, making her giggle.
“Dip, dip, dip,” he began, pointing at a different child every time he spoke, “my little ship, sails on the ocean, you are—it,” as he finished the rhyme, his finger fell on Helina, who began to grin. “Okay, Helina, you can push the button!”
“Yaaaay!” Helina cried, and Yuri chuckled as he picked her up, and she smacked the UP elevator button as hard as she possibly could.
Inside the elevator, Viktor repeated the very scientific child-picking method, and Viktoria got to select the Maternity Ward's floor, though she pressed the button much more gently than Helina had. The girls all let out tiny squeaks of excitement when the elevator doors let out a soft ding before they slid shut.
Curiously, after Viktor's Hospital Zone talk, all the kids managed to keep relatively quiet—that is, until they made it to Minami's recovery room.
Minami was sitting up with little Aran in his arms, still looking exhausted, but more relaxed than yesterday. The girls each let out their own excited squeal, and at the same moment, Phichit pressed a finger to his lips.
“The baby is sleeping,” he said softly, “so you have to stay quiet, okay?”
The girls' mouths all snapped shut as they nodded, while Viktor began to push chairs closer to Minami, and Phichit motioned for the children to come forward, and they all sat on the edges of the bed, looking in on the sleeping baby curiously.
“How come his face is all squishy?” Helina asked, her brow pinched with curiosity as she gazed at the infant.
“He's a new baby,” Minami replied softly, “as he gets older, his face will get less squishy. All new babies look like this.”
“Mama?” Helina turned to where Yuri had sat down, “did I look squishy?”
“The squishiest,” Yuri replied with a chuckle, and her little face brightened as he turned back to look at the baby.
“Helina?” Minami asked, “do you want to hold him?”
“Oh, I don't—” Otabek began, but Minami shook his head a little.
“She's a big girl, I'm sure she can do it.”
“Watch his head, just in case,” Yuri warned while Helina nodded excitedly, and Viktor hastily got his phone out to snap a picture.
Minami nodded, and turned to the three-year-old. He held out the baby, and gently instructed her on how to hold him and support his head, and Helina beamed when Minami said, “good!” as she held him in her arms.
“I can...I could be the one to take care of him sometimes,” she said hopefully as she gazed up at Minami, “like when you need to have a nap?”
“Of course you can, Helina,” Minami said warmly, and Helina grinned again.
The first (and more precarious) round of Pass the Baby began, with each of the children getting a turn to hold Aran. It was going rather well, at least until the baby got to Hana, who instead of passing the baby to someone else, promptly proclaimed, “I'm done!” as she dropped him in her lap.
With a small yelp, Minami scooped Aran back up, but the baby—thankfully—had managed to survive the ordeal. After that, peace once more descended upon the group.
That was, until Alvinia got her turn, and Aran promptly began to cry.
“He hates me!” Alvinia cried dramatically as the other girls giggled, and Minami reached out to take the baby back, and Alvinia promptly crawled into Yuri's lap with tears in her eyes.
“He doesn't hate you, baby,” Yuri said as he rubbed her back consolingly, “he's probably just hungry, or has a wet diaper. A crying baby doesn't mean he hates you.”
“He's hungry,” Minami filled in as Alvinia continued to sniffle, and both mother and child looked up to see Minami holding Aran to his chest and smiling at her. “He doesn't hate you, sweetheart. Once he's finished eating, you can try holding him again.”
Alvinia nodded, but it seemed as though she was reluctant to try again. Yuri held onto her and continued to rub her back, but she still looked positively devastated for making the newborn cry.
“Okay, Avi,” Minami said as he finished feeding and burping the baby, “wanna try again?”
Still sniffling a little, she nodded, but would not move from her mother's lap. Minami tried to shift closer, but hissed in pain. Alvinia's eyes widened, but before she could say a word, Phichit swept in and  took to the task of transporting baby Aran from Minami to Alvinia. This time he did not cry, but let out a tiny gurgle of contentment as Alvinia held him carefully, her eyes wide with awe.
“He's so little, Mat`,” Alvinia said softly, while Yuri reached out to touch the baby's chubby cheek. “Was I this little when I was a baby?”
“Littler,” Yuri replied with a warm chuckle, and offered his daughter a little squeeze, making her giggle. “You were always my perfect little girl, just as Aran is Minami and Phichit's perfect little boy.”
“Am I perfect too, Mama?” Helina asked, and both Yuri and Otabek laughed out loud.
“Yes, baby, you're perfect too.”
“D'you want a turn with the baby, Mat`?” Alvinia asked softly, “you haven't had a turn yet.”
“I'd love a turn,” Yuri replied, and held out his arms, chuckling a little as Alvinia instructed him on how to hold the infant, and he followed her every direction diligently before the little mother hen finally handed Aran over, and Yuri gazed down at the little baby omega in his arms with a bittersweet smile.
“Hello there,” Yuri whispered as he felt his voice catch, and he supported the infant in one arm while he wiped his eyes with his free hand. He felt Otabek step up behind him, and he rubbed his back while Yuri rocked the baby gently. “You have such a great life ahead of you, little one...so many people who love you, and in a place where you'll never be hated, or imprisoned, or hurt for what you are. You're safe. And though I still worry for you, I know that you'll be loved and supported no matter what, because we all love you, and...you'll never have to be afraid to be yourself.”
Otabek kissed Yuri's cheek from behind as he held the baby, still rocking Aran gently.
“That's good advice,” Otabek murmured as he wrapped an arm around Yuri and rested his head on his omega's shoulder as he gazed down at the infant. “He'll be loved and kept safe, no matter what.”
“I used to feel like safety wasn't real,” Yuri murmured, softly enough that the children nearby weren't likely to hear. “It was just...lies we tell ourselves so that we don't feel so scared all the time, but that's not true, is it? We really are safe.”
“We are,” Otabek replied as he shifted, one hand moving to Yuri's chin, and he coaxed his head up until their lips met in a gentle kiss. “And we always will be.”
The End
A/N: And Scene. Thank you guys so much for reading <3 If you like my work, consider throwing a few bucks in my Digital Tip Jar, every penny is appreciated! (especially cuz today is my birthday :P)
NLMG Masterpost
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mousedetective · 7 years
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“did you just fart” “yes” “okay.” *ten seconds later* “AUGH” I'm already laughing XD Sherlolly?
And here you go! This is technically my answer to Day 4 of Sherlolly Appreciation Week (for Sleepover/Sleeping Together), I’m just posting it late. This is also for my Anon prompt chooser as well. Hope you both enjoy!
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What He Chose (An “In So Few Words” Story) -Sherlock shares a bed with someone for the first time ever and it isn’t quite what he expected it would be like.
Read @ AO3 | Buy Me A Coffee? | Send Me A Prompt
He had already used her bed. Countless times. It was rather comfortable, though not quite as comfortable as his own, but a very close second. Her pillows were just firm enough. The quilt on top was not too thick but not too thin. The sheets were a high thread count and good cotton. So he preferred her bed and enjoyed sleeping in it.
But he was used to sleeping in it alone.
It was an entirely new experience sharing it.
He had never been one to share a bed. His encounters with other women, even Irene, had been brief and never usually had much post-coital bed sharing involved, usually enough to catch their breath and get their bodies back to some semblance of normal function. Most times he would leave to clean himself up and then go elsewhere to think on things, as while he wasn’t inordinately fond of shagging it did tend to help clear his mind for a bit. A new rush of endorphins, he supposed. He always chose to take advantage of them while he could. When he felt the need to sleep, it was always in another bed.
There had been no shagging tonight. There could have been, he supposed; emotions between them were running high due to the events of the day, the confessions they had made, but it was perhaps best not to. That was not what he wanted to have happen for their first time. She had deserved hearing his love for her in a better way so he would be damn sure every other stage of...this, between them, would be done better. But tonight they could share a bed and get some well-deserved rest and in the morning she would be there and he would be there and it would, indeed, be a new experience, at least for him.
If he could just get through the night.
He had not realized how used he was to having his own space, to claiming huge swaths of a bed with his body. He was a tosser, a turner, and he found he could not keep a hold on her. Worst of all, she was the same, and when he awoke at some undetermined point in the night she was nearly diagonal with the quilt all wrapped around her like a cocoon while he was on the edge, curled on his side, facing her and shivering.
This would never do.
He opened his mouth to wake her up and plead for some of the quilt when the unmistakable sound of someone, mainly her, passing gas filled the room. He was speechless for a moment. “Molly?” he asked.
“Yes?” came her mumbled sleepy reply.
“Did you just pass gas?”
“Yes,” she said.
“Ah,” he said. He rolled onto his back, then turned to face her and saw she may not have even realized she’d just had a conversation when the smell worse than the last time he’d dealt with sulfur hit him. He scrunched his nose and pulled the pillow out from under his head, burying it on top of his face. Was this an every time occurrence? Was this going to happen often? Did he do this? Could he live with her doing this every. Single. Night?
Yes.
He chuckled despite himself as he thought about it and all the other things that she could do, and had done, in all the years that he had known her. The awkward and clumsy things that she had done that, by God, he absolutely adored about her. And if he had to endure this every night to have her in his life, so be it. They’d invest in a fan. The white noise would help keep him asleep, he supposed, and he liked cold rooms.
“Sherlock?” he heard her ask. He lifted the pillow off his face and turned to look at her. “Did you pass gas?”
He chuckled again and shook his head. “That is all you, Molly.”
She made a face and then shifted a bit, lifting up her arm and the quilt with it, silently inviting him closer. “We should air the place out.”
“I think I can live with it,” he said, setting the pillow back on the bed and scooting closer to her to share her pillow and the quilt. He leaned his face towards hers and kissed her forehead. “Go back to sleep.”
“Mmkay,” she said, snuggling against him and putting her arm around him so the quilt covered them both. Under the quilt he wrapped his arm around her and then shut his eyes, the smell already dissipating. Yes, this was the life he would choose, for all it contained. This was what he wanted now.
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copperbadge · 7 years
Text
Answers About My Face
snowytumble replied to your post “Holy crap, so I went to the trigger-point reflexology place tonight...”
Oh - sorry - I had to read that again before what was bugging me came to the surface. You may have had a blocked saliva gland? I get them occasionally and when they burst, they do feel like little water balloons. And before they burst, there can be soreness and pressure, but it's usually very much lower jaw oriented. The Science Side of Tumblr could probably tell you if there's another gland further up that it could have been!
fira211 replied to your post “Holy crap, so I went to the trigger-point reflexology place tonight...”
Possibly a blocked salivary gland (they get stones, go figure). I've had one for years that hasn't really been a bother so I've left it (the options to get it sorted are apparently constant massage and that hurts, whereas the blocked gland alone doesn't so fuck it). So yeah, I'm guessing salivary gland stone (which would mean all your glands like to rebel against you, you poor darling)
I am always struck with abject horror at the idea that there are stones and blockages INSIDE MY MOUTH. I had no idea tonsil stones were a thing until like a couple of months ago and my reaction was one of terror. I DON’T WANT STONES LIVING IN MY MUCUS MEMBRANES. 
Maybe whatever it was prevented a stone from forming. God we can only hope. If I have to dig a stone out of my mouth I will legit yell a LOT about it. 
tienriu replied to your post “Holy crap, so I went to the trigger-point reflexology place tonight...”
Maybe it was cavitation? Basically gasses being released from between joints - much like what happens when cracking your neck or knuckles?
I wonder, but I’ve popped my jaw before and this was a very distinct sensation from that -- more liquid, somehow. (Augh, gross)
lnsybird replied to your post “Holy crap, so I went to the trigger-point reflexology place tonight...”
God, I'd be worried just because HE didn't know what it was!
Well, I mean, I don’t know how much anatomical training they have in that particular office -- licensed massage therapists get a TON of that stuff but I don’t know how much training you have to have to do head-and-foot reflexology, legally speaking. Also he was quite young, so I don’t think I got the most experienced guy in the place. (Which is fine, really all I wanted was someone to rub my scalp, you don’t need a degree in anatomy for that.) 
tailkinker-to-ennien replied to your post “Holy crap, so I went to the trigger-point reflexology place tonight...”
Ghost knows you are moving and he REALLY REALLY wants to come with you so he took up residence in your face. (That's my theory and I'm sticking with it.)
“LEAVE THIS FACE AT ONCE.” *rings bell* 
nausiwindstrider replied to your post “Holy crap, so I went to the trigger-point reflexology place tonight...”
My bestie is a massage therapist with almost a decade of experience. I read her your post. She says it couldn't have been a salivary gland that low and towards the side of your face. It was either the massater muscle which can sound like a pop or the tmj joint. If you aren't hurting in that spot now you are fine. But also your face is definitely haunted.
Perhaps the TMJ, in that case -- I’ve had issues with that before in relation to my eustacian tubes. 
junker5 replied to your post “Holy crap, so I went to the trigger-point reflexology place tonight...”
I had a flash of that scene from Alien when I read this. Poor Sam. You do some mighty fine writing when in pain, though! Maybe Pain is your Muse?
*strikes dramatic byronesque pose* 
But I think of all the possible solutions, this one is my favorite: 
lololovescheese replied to your post “Holy crap, so I went to the trigger-point reflexology place tonight...”
Brain fart!!!! Sorry, couldn't help it Sam.
*cracks up laughing*
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