#Akaashi angst | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kemistre · 10 months

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εïз┊𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒 — feat. tsukshima kei, sugawara koushi, kageyama tobio, bokuto koutarou, akaashi keiji, sakusa kiyoomi, tendou satori

synopsis. in which he hears you say you don't like him

— content warnings. angsty, crying, panic attacks — word count. 3, 559

εïз┊author's note. this is sad, this is angsty. some of these are way longer than they should be, but you're welcome for the food <3

εïз┊t. kei

he was looking for you with yamaguchi by his side, his headphones around his neck as he glanced around for you, his hand in his pockets. he was going to walk you home, like usual. like the two of you had been doing since you met. ao, when he heard you say his name, his full name, from behind the corner, he stopped his friend with his arm, listening closely to what you were saying.

“tsukishima?” you questioned the friend you were talking to.

“no i don’t like him, he’s rude and just doesn’t work towards anything, it’s frustrating.” you scoffed, and as much as tsukishima didn’t want to admit it, he felt his eyes widen, his heart stopped for just a moment.

“i’m just around him because tadashi’s his friend.” yamaguchi’s mouth hung open, shocked at your words as he looked at his friend. tsukishima took a deep breathe before stepping out from around the corner, a deep scowl on his lips.

“good thing I don’t like you either.” he spoke, walking passed you and not looking back. he didn’t really know why he felt like punching something at that moment, you just walked home with him. you came to a few of his games and practices. there was no reason for him to be this upset. there was no reason for his chest to hurt so bad.

εïз┊k. tobio

he left the gym, going to fill up his water bottle that had been emptied for the second time that day. practice had been rough on the boy for a few days. for reasons unknown, he wasn’t feeling up to playing volleyball, which was completely unlike the kageyama tobio everyone knew. instead, he wanted to hang out with you. he didn’t know why. the feeling that arose in his stomach every time he talked to you was foreign, something he’d never felt before nor experienced. he’d done his research here and there though nothing helped his confusion on the matter.

but because of this same reason, he was avoiding you any chance he got. he wasn’t ready to talk to you yet, because he knew, he just knew he wouldn't be able to form a sentence in front of you until he knew just why his stomach felt so…fluttery whenever he even looked at you. as he stood at the water fountain near the entrance to the school, he glanced to the side, not expecting to see you walking in his direction without realizing he was there. swiftly and quickly, he put the cap back on his bottle and sped to hide behind the large tree that hung over the water fountain, thankfully it was big enough to shield him from your sight. though much to his dismay, your friend had stopped by the fountain for a drink, making you stop and continue the conversation he’d seen you having from afar.

“i just can’t stand him, he’s so awkward.” you rolled your eyes, your hands smoothing back your hair. “and he’s just so obsessed with that sport, if he talks, it’s about volleyball!” you looked so frustrated. who were you talking about? was it someone on the team? kageyama didn’t really know if you were close with anyone else on the team. unconsciously, he leaned towards you, trying to hear as much as he could before you both left. your friend wiped the extra water off their chin.

“yeah, that does sound annoying. can’t you just tell him to stop?”

“well, i’ve thought about it. but even if i do tell him to stop, then he just wouldn’t talk at all.” as you and your friend began walking again, he almost thought about asking you who it was, until your friend spoke once more.

“poor kageyama,” they nudged your arm with their elbow, you could practically hear the grin in their tone. “his only friend talking shit behind his back, he’s lonely enough as it is y/n!” you scoffed, though soon grinned as well.

“i’m sorry he’s just so unlikeable! It’s impossible not to talk shit!” kageyama stood still. unmoving. looking at nothing but your back as you walked away, his eyes wide and mouth agape. what was this feeling he felt in his stomach? yet another unfamiliar feeling, though this one was more, painful, sickening, than the fluffy one he’d felt not too long ago. you were talking about him. not someone else. he was right here, listening to you say you didn’t like him. he was right there, and you didn’t know.

kageyama’s breathe sped up, his chest rising and falling anxiously as you faded into the distance. his first thought, a thought you would’ve probably hated, was to go get a volleyball. go play volleyball. get a volleyball. go, go, go. this thought swarmed through his head like bunches of little bees, and he hated it.

before he knew it, he was back at the gym, his water spilling from the grip he’d had on the bottle. the only thing he could see was that ball right in front of him on the gym floor, and not the people around him trying to help their teammate. “kageyama!” at the sound of hinata's loud voice, he snapped out of whatever trance he was in, staring at the finger while also realizing the amount of people that watched him. “you’re crying, kageyama.” hinata's voice lowered, a concerned tone overpowering the previous annoyed one.

kageyama raised a hand to his face, wiping at his cheek, realizing that yes, he had been crying. and for some reason, some unknown reason, he was now fully aware of the nauseous, painful, overbearing feeling in his entire body. and within seconds, he collapsed. kageyama tobio had never experienced love before. kageyama tobio had never experienced heartbreak before. and now, he’ll never experience either ever again.

εïз┊s. koushi

he had been on his way out of the school to go home on his day off from practice. a day he’s been looking forward to, not because he’s not going to practice, but because he finally gets to spend some one on one time with you. something you two hadn’t really gotten in a long time. he thought that maybe, just maybe this was the day he finally asked you out. after months upon months of countlessly chickening out, his teammates somehow got him to agree to confess. he was a little more excited than he should’ve been as his eyes scanned the courtyard for you. you two had agreed on a meeting place so he could technically pick you up and you’d walk together! he really, really hoped everything would go smoothly. he had his whole confession mapped out, he prepared and practiced beforehand so he didn’t look like a complete buffoon in front of you, his only real crush since junior high.

he peaked around the corner of the school, a place he’d always been so excited for school ever since he met you. you made him want to learn even more, to grow so much more. he loved being there with you. as he peaked around the corner, he caught a glimpse of your hair, along with you and your best friend’s voice talking as best friends would. naturally, he didn’t want to interrupt your conversation, so he decided to simply wait by scrolling through his phone until your conversation finished to let you know he was there. and though he didn’t mean to eavesdrop, how could he not?

“i thought you liked him y/n?” “me? Like him? no way.” your voice was low, serious and harsh, catching sugawara off guard. “i thought he was like…the responsible friend of the group. someone who could be chill and not some chaotic fiend like his volleyball friends. he’s just as bad as them and it’s infuriating.” you scoffed, making a pit form in his stomach. who were you talking about? noya? tanaka? he thought you enjoyed everyone on the team.

“but suga’s so nice, you shouldn’t talk about him like that.” your friend's tone was a little more glum than expected and your response was nothing he’d ever think you’d say.

“hmm? i mean not really, he’s just really weird.” his breathing hitched, his heartbeat growing faster and faster by the second. he clutched his phone in his hand, eyes wide as he let the startling information settle in. you…didn’t like him? you didn’t like him. you thought he was weird. you thought he was infuriating. you didn’t like him.

you couldn’t say that about him, that couldn’t have been you. maybe he mixed you up with someone else because you wouldn’t say that about him. he could’ve sworn you felt the same way. though the fact slowly but surely invaded each and every thought in his mind, making it spin as he left. he walked away, not exactly being able to think right at that moment. he didn’t know how long it took him to wander his way back to his house, his eyes never leaving the ground he walked on.

he opened his house's front door, going in and slowly shutting it as his forehead leaned against the hard wood. “y/n hates me…” though he whispered, the three words echoed through the empty house. soon his whole body weight shifted to lean against the door, his arms stealing himself, his knees buckling before him as he fell to the ground. tears upon tears spilled from his eyes, loud sobs coming from his now sore throat.

he hoped today would go smoothly, and he thought he came up with the worst case scenario. but this…this was truly the worst outcome he could’ve ever imagined.

εïз┊b. koutarou

he said his goodbyes to akaashi before practically running to the classroom you and he shared. today was your one year anniversary...only of being friends… but! it was still an anniversary he’d like to celebrate. he thought for a surprise he’d give a VIP pass to his next game! even if it was just a piece of paper he colored on, he still thought it would mean a lot. he was so ready as he walked up to the classroom door, which was just cracked, just a bit. as his hand brushed the handle to open it, he heard your pretty voice, so he thought he’d wait for you to come out instead, a giddy excited smile on his face, he couldn’t stand still.

“why are you still hanging out with bokuto, y/n? I thought he annoyed you.” his eyebrows furrowed, through his smile still remain.

“he does, he’s just, too much? his mood swings, his energy that never runs out. it’s too much, and yes, it is annoying.” his usual happy smile grew wobbly, unsteady as he felt his head began to pound.

“so, then cut him off, it’s simple.” you sighed.

“well how do i do that? i have every class with him, that would be awkward. i’ll just wait until we graduate, i could probably put up with him until then.” bokuto, despite everything he just heard, smiled. it wasn’t a pretty one, not anymore.

he gently held the VIP pass in his callous hand, looking down at it as his vision got blurry. tears fell off his cheeks, down to the pass he’d worked so hard to make. he tried so hard to make his writing legible, to make it colorful and pretty, just for you since he knew you liked colorful and pretty. before you could come out of the room, he made sure not to let you see him. he walked away, even if class was just about to start. maybe he could skip class, just this once.

εïз┊a. keiji

he strolled throughout the school looking for you, though in no particular rush. he was a little anxious, a little scared to talk to you since once he did find you, he was going to tell you how he felt. something bokuto and konoha had been pressuring him to do for the few years he’d known you. he’d had a crush on you, liked you ever since he told you about his love for writing and reading. you’d supported him when he said he wanted to make a living from it, you smiled and said you’d read his books. that was probably one of his happiest and giddiest moments. he almost fell in love with you on the spot. usually, he was not one to trust people too quickly, but you were the exception. you made him feel so safe, like he was in the right place when he was by your side.

it was such an indescribable feeling he felt when he sees you smile, laugh, giggle, anything of the sort. your smile was contagious, your laugh as well. It was something he thought he’d never be able to go a day without. so, as he was just about to walk around the corner, he suddenly heard your laugh, your giggle and immediately stopped in his tracks as a lopsided smile appeared on his lips. and despite him wanting to be respectful and give you your privacy while talking to your friend, he couldn’t help but listen as he stood listening to your giggles.

“no, no! they’re actually pretty stupid. like the ideas themselves are terrible but then he’s actually worse at putting them onto paper.” akaashi’s smile turned into one of confusion. since when did you talk so harshly towards people? and he was even more confused that you weren’t talking to him about this, you told him everything. did someone make you upset? he could surely help you if you talked to him.

“is it really that bad?”

“it is, plus he’s just so quiet and he stares…a lot and honestly it’s really uncomfortable.” someone made you uncomfortable? suddenly he felt himself become more engaged in your conversation, wanting to figure out just who made you feel the way you did. was it someone in your class? it must have been, right?

“aww well that sucks, he was kinda cute too.”

“i mean, the looks go to waste when you have a terrible personality.” your voice got quieter as you and your friend began walking away. “i guess that just means akaashi will never get in a relationship cuz if i don’t like him, no one will.” akaashi leaned against the wall, your voice playing on repeat in his head. you were talking about him? the whole time? he made you uncomfortable? he stared at you? he lacks personality? his writing was terrible, stupid..?

a sudden pain coursed through his chest as he dragged a hand over his slightly opened mouth, shocked and confused. his chest tightened, and although this anxious feeling was one he experienced quite often, this time it was for a reason he’d never been through before. and before he knew it, his vision blurred, his head grew fuzzy, and he felt…small. yiny and trapped inside the ways of his overthinking and pained mind. he was truly hoping to walk out of school with your hand in his. instead, he ran out, pained and crying.

εïз┊o. tooru

he was wandering throughout the school, looking for you specifically. not only did he want you to come to practice and watch him since he knew you enjoyed seeing him play, but he just wanted to spend as much time with you as possible. you were his first crush in a while, so it’d only make sense for him to want to be around you so much. yes, he does admit it’s a lot, but he just doesn’t want to lose you.

he was in an especially good mood today, not for any particular reason, he just…was so grateful to have you around. you were like the sun in his life, his beacon of light and hope he couldn’t get anywhere else. you made him feel like he was enough, that he’s done his best throughout his life. and truly, just seeing your smile was enough to brighten his day, being around you in general made his day so much better. he really didn’t know what he’d ever do without you. that was his last thought as he heard your voice coming from around the corner, the angelic voice he loved to hear every single day.

“oikawa?” he thought you knew he was there, but when you kept talking, he stopped where he stood. “that self absorbed jerk? what about him?” his genuine smile he’d had all day fell into a confused frown as he tried to process your words.

“i’m shocked you deal with him all the time.”

“yeah i know, he’s so clingy, and not to mention a volleyball obsessed arrogant narcissist, that’s it, i can’t stand him sometimes.” your voice rose without you knowing it, your friend that stood with you telling you to calm down.

oikawa’s pulse quickened, his breathing unsteady though he put a smile on his face once more as he walked around the corner. but this smile was one of a pure facade he’d perfected oh so long ago. “y/n-Chan~ i’ve been looking everywhere for you!” he laughed, giggled as he through an arm around your shoulder. though he heard you, loud and clear, he’d pretend he heard nothing. nothing at all because he knew his heart couldn’t handle the pain of letting you go so soon.

εïз┊s. kiyoomi

he walked throughout the crowded hallways, heading to volleyball practice like any other day. though, today was a bit different since you weren’t with him. usually you’d walk next to him, talking his ear off while he went to practice after school, but not today apparently. it confused him, worried him, but he wouldn’t say it outloud. it was as he was rounding a corner that he understood why you weren’t with him, you were leaning against the wall, holding your books, your friend talking to you about something. he didn’t want to be nosy, so he was just going to go around, it wasn’t any of his business. until he heard his name.

“sakusa? no, of course i don’t like him, he’s an asshole,” his eyebrows furrowed, you said it in such an obvious tone, it confused him. your friend agreed. was he rude? he didn’t think he’d ever been mean to you, so why? “and just between us, volleyball isn’t as cool as he thinks it is. i don’t know why he wants to do it professionally. it’s-”

at that point, he left. he didn’t need to hear anymore, he knew where you stood and he wouldn’t bother you anymore. it was an interesting feeling, because while he was angry, he was hurt and for the first time in a long time, he felt his vision get blurry, tears filling them to the brim. why would he cry for you? why did his heart just break in two? if you’d just waited a little longer, he might’ve gotten warmed up to you. showed you his soft, vulnerable side.

but now, standing on the court playing alongside a professional team, doing what he loved, he’s glad he didn’t show you anything. he’s glad he didn’t have you standing next to him, but he hopes you see him. see him on your TV and think to yourself, ‘wow, he did it.’ because now, he knew he didn’t need you.

εïз┊t. satori

he pranced around looking for you throughout the dorms. you both were going to hang out and he was told to meet you near the entrance of the dorms. he was super excited because after a lot of thinking, he decided this would be the day he told you he liked you. you’d been friends for a while, about six months, and throughout those months, he grew to have a huge crush on you. you just treated him, normally. you weren’t freaked out by him like many others were and he was always grateful for that. because you were different.

but as he was about to round a corner, he heard your voice and his first thought was to hide and scare you once you turned around, he always he that to you, it was something that was just kinda a part of your friendship. so, he leaned his back against the wall, smirking to himself as you spoke with your friend, someone he’d never met but that was fine with him. “i should probably go, tendou will be here in a few minutes.” you complained, fed up and annoyed. it made him worry a bit, but he knew he could cheer you up, like all the other times!

“tendou? you still hang out with him?”

“yeah, for some reason i still do.” you sighed, and tendou’s eyebrows furrowed, confusion the only feeling in his body at that moment, his heartbeat speeding up just a bit. “he just..he just creeps me out. does that make sense?”

“oh yeah, of course it does, i’m pretty sure he creeps everyone out.” tendou’s eyes grew wide as he stared at the ground, a pit forming in his stomach, making him nauseous where he stood.

he couldn’t bring himself to listen to the rest of your conversation, instead just trudging back to his dorm room, his eyes never leaving the floor he walked on. looks like you weren’t different, not different at all.

taglist :: there's none at the moment but just send me a message to my inbox if you wanna be tagged :3

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k0dzukeiji · 5 months

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my manager

Akaashi Keiji x reader

synopsis: you were his, and he was yours, until one day he wasn’t.

genre: lovers>exes

warnings: falling out of love, secret relationship, breakups NOT PROOF READ

wc: 786

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You noticed your boyfriend, Akaashi Keiji growing more distant, but you couldn’t understand why, well at least up until now. It started when Ayumi, a second year from Akaashi’s class was introduced as the volleyball team’s newest manager. Naturally the boys were ecstatic and immediately took a liking to her, even Akaashi.

Ayumi was quick to break through his shell, she was one of the few people who he allowed to see the real him, the side of him that was reserved for only a select few and over time, Akaashi found himself looking at her the way he used to look at you.

When he would see her smile, his heart would melt in the same way it did when he would see you smile. Without you even knowing, Akaashi fell out of love with you, and fell for someone new.

After he realized he wasn’t in love with you anymore, all he felt was guilt. He began to distant himself from you and the two of you began to grow apart. It’d be a lie if you said that you didn’t notice the way Akaashi looked at Ayumi, his eyes were filled with love and admiration. Though it hurt, you knew you had to let him go.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

“I’m sorry (Name), this wasn’t supposed to happen— I didn’t mean for this to happen” The two of you stood outside of the gym. Their game was going to start soon but this conversation couldn’t wait, you couldn’t wait. You needed to talk about this now.

“Don’t be sorry, Keiji. It’s not your fault, Ayumi is an amazing girl.” you spoke, your words gentle as you brought your eyes to meet his, a bitter smile adorning your features as the two of you gaze into his eyes.

“So are you” As you looked into his eyes and though you could tell his words were truthful, the spark that was once there was gone. Without thinking he brings his hand up to your cheek to cup it.

“Can I… Can I kiss you one last time..?” He asked, he knew he shouldn’t have but he wanted to feel your warmth against him one last time before he let you go.

“I’m sorry… I can’t let you do that, It wouldn’t be fair to Ayumi” You said as you pulled away from him.

“Akaashi?” You might as well have drawn a dagger through his heart at that. It ached to hear his last name coming from your mouth, since the beginning he was always Keiji, your Keiji, never Akaashi.

“Yeah..?”

“Thank you for being by my side, I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.” You said turning to him, loosely snaking your arms around him as you hugged him for the last time and without hesitation he hugged you back, cherishing your final embrace.

“Of course… Thank you too, (Name). You’ve always been there for me when I needed you most.” He said resting his chin on top of your head, just like he used to. The two of you stayed like that for a minute until you pulled away.

“I’m letting you go now, Akaashi” You said as you removed your arms from around him and took a step back.

“So this is it? This is where we call it quits?” He said as the same bitter smile you had adorned his features as well.

“Yeah, it is”

“You’ll— you’ll watch me right?” He asked as he stopped in his tracks.

“Of course I will, I’m still your manager after all.” you said, giving him a smile and a thumbs up.

“Right, my manager.” He said with a bitter smile, sounding like he was trying to convince himself that that’s all you were now, his manager.

As you made your way up the stairs to the bleachers all you could think about was Ayumi. Even though you wanted to blame her, you couldn’t. It wasn’t her fault that she was able to melt Akaashi the way you wished you could’ve. It’s not like she knew a you were dating anyway, no one did (well besides Bokuto). When you took your seat beside her she greeted you with a smile, the same smile that made your Keiji become hers.

After what seemed like a thousand years, the whistle finally blew signaling the start of the game. You and Akaashi used to do to this thing where when the first whistle would blow, he’d look up at you for good luck. But this time, he looked up at Ayumi. That’s how you knew your chapter came to an end. Akaashi used to find comfort in you, he used to think of you as his good luck charm, but you’re not any of that anymore. Now, you’re just his manager, and thats all you’ll ever be.

Fin~

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a/n: I’m back from the dead

#haikyuu angst #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu #haikyu x reader #akaashi keiji #keiji akaashi #akaashi x reader #haikyuu akaashi #akaashi x you #hq akaashi #akaashi angst #haikyū!!

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mchlgayser · 1 year

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✮ us against the problem ft akaashi keiji

synopsis: Being in a three-year-old relationship with your boyfriend is never a hard task considering how collected, composed, and matured he can be.

─── ୨୧ warning: slight angst, and miscommunication

─── ୨୧ notes: I got my heart broken once again, by a different guy 💔 this pain is unbearable and to stabilize my mental, I'm doing a drabble of the loml akaashi. Question: where to find an Akaashi Keiji? Comment your ideas! ... And feedback, thank you, and happy reading xoxo.

It was supposed to be a date, a date both you and Akaashi planned. A date to reconnect you both after weeks away from each other. It wasn't a problem for Akaashi since he's rarely going out for work but works at home instead but it was the otherwise for you, you are a flight attendant, always traveling and not home but today you supposed to be back after almost two weeks staying in London, England but a scene broke off that you had delayed your way home two days after. To make matter worse, you accidentally lost your phone at the airport during your work hours.

You've had to try calling him a few times but he wasn't picking up. After the problem was solved you didn't waste a single minute but to get home fast. You need to see your boyfriend. He might be getting worried about your whereabouts and well-being. The next wink, you entered the apartment, you could almost sense the clouded-over surroundings, the curtains is not pushed or tucked away like usual. It was dimmed. You put aside the luggage and stroll to your bedroom. The bathroom is running, so you assumed that he was bathing. You sit on the bed hitting yourself with a strong minty cologne of his. That sweet, peppermint smell hints at a tinge of his lavender-flavored shampoo.

As soon as the faucet closed, you stood up straight like you are in the military. The bathroom door slid open and his sight came into view. His half-bare and damp sight with a clean towel top his disheveled hair. He stops on his tracks, eyes moving from your feet to your face. You croak a nervous smile his way but he stood there, not saying anything.

You try to put on your acts, trying not to be so obvious by the fact that you are overwhelmed by his presence after nearly a month of not seeing each other.

'I missed you.' You said, eyes moving around the room watching him rummage through the closet to put on his shirt and short pant 'Yeah, me too.' He throws aside the towel on the bed and moves outside leaving you in utter disbelief. You try to maintain your cool despite the anger and heat building up in you. You stare at the spot he was at earlier, and pick up the towel he tossed away to go and shower, yourself.

You've had to compose your emotion, after bathing you strut your way to his on the couch 'Why are you like this? Are you fine?' You put the back of your palm to his forehead and he lets you be before he momentarily yanks his face 'I was worried, sick. I wonder where could've you been? Why haven't you answered my calls, and why you ditched me on that date? I was... Worried.' You try to reason with yourself but he cuts you off 'Do you know I was worried! And...! That date, was supposed to be our date, the one you promise to be at to spend our time together. You know, these days, it's fewer attempts from you to reconnect us again...' A hitch breath stuck on your throat, it's tight and suffocating. One more word coming from him, you are sure you'll break down in guilt.

Tears began to form in your eyes, you tilt your head back to dry the tear off and wipe the access 'I... I'm sorry... Something happened that day, when I was supposed to get back and my phone... I lost it, I try calling you a few times using co-worker's phone but you didn't pick up... I'm sorry... I'm sorry Keiji, I'm sorry that it seems like I haven't done enough these past weeks, I'm so, so sorry... I will do better-' He immediately brings an arm around you, his palm on your torso to pull you closer. The tears you fight back so greatly earlier fell like endless rain. You clutch on his shirt as you sobs from guilt and fatigue.

Once you calmed down, Akaashi push you away just a few inches to get a closer look at your face, your eyes swollen and tear-stained, your nose red and almost runny. You sniffle and groan at the same time, your nose clogged from crying and you try to unblock it with a harsh stroke of your nose. He took your balling fists, gripping them and bringing them closer to his cheek, his thumbs caressing the back of your palms and occasionally left kisses on your hand.

'My fault. I didn't hear your side of the story at first but can't help by feeling upset. That was so unlike me. I guarantee you, it'll never happen again. Sorry, Y/n.' You jump on him, hands on his neck burying your face in between his shoulder and collarbone.

'We are both at fault but partially mine if you think about it, and it's okay to show your unusual self to me. I fell in love with you who are you, not only the perfect, mature, and composed Keiji.' He fondled your back leaving featherlight kisses on your neck and down your shoulder.

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sweetheartsaku · 29 days

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—akaashi keiji ; sharing my heart is tearing it apart

a/n ; [fem!reader] THIS IS ACTUALLY MY ENGLISH ESSAY I RE-WROTE TO FIT WITH AKAASHI. 😭 this is angst no comfort by the way :3

chrysanthemum !

the oceans whisper sounded like an owl’s coo, a melody that no one else could treasure except y/n. never eerie, but a comfortingly cold embrace. the breeze was chilly, looking up to the hole of light in the sky. it felt like a fever dream, but only to y/n. a passing midnight breeze sends a feverish chill down her spine, all the way down to the edge of her worn out white sneakers digging into the crisp sand. the ocean sways and dances gently, as the waves glisten in the moonlight.

hands in the pocket of her white windbreaker, staring down as her shoes make prints in the sand. alternative rock blasts through her ears, which bass makes a faint noise outside of her earphones mushing with the wave’s tranquil calls.

“y/n?”

“what are you doing here?” the same voice gently asks.

swiftly, y/n looks back, eyes widening. in the midst of the dark, her eyes interlock with the owner of the familiar voice.

“keiji? i-… i’m… just… having some time to myself.” she mutters.

“another fight?” he knew her mind lingered on the thought that she was the reason her parents mercilessly fought every day. keiji knew, by the way her eyebrows stitch together a little tighter and her voice a little deeper. every day he wishes it was him who had to endure what she goes through.

“i…” her voice breaks.

keiji takes a step closer, a hand away. he extends his hand, slim and tan.

y/n crashes her body onto his. keiji has no hesitation into accepting her call for help in her grasp and the tight clench she had on the back of his now tear-soaked jacket. y/n's vision is hazy, helpless head in a daze.

“i wish i was buried six feet underground, but oh my i also wish i was buried in your arms.” she thought. she holds a grudge against herself like she does a hand.

“why would you even glance at a wretch like me?” she muttered.

he purses his lips. “i comfort because you cannot save people. you can only love them.”

y/n ponders if she is really worth of this love. was she born without love or just unlovable?

the night is over-time, and the sunrise is late, orange beams bleeding into the border of the horizon and its misty clouds. the sky appeared as a child had grazed the sky with warm and cold tones of chalk.

y/n breaks the hug, hands still on his waist, wind breaking the silence and its tension. her eyes now outlined a blush rose colour, so beautiful yet holding so much pain by a thread.

“let’s take down the world together.” words sweet as a treat, dripping of honey, the uttered words glued into y/n’s mind.

they walk pinkies intertwined; souls taped together by band-aids.

the bustling of early school arrives, the noise of chirping seagulls fills arabella’s ears.

keiji looks up to the skies, “it’s nice having our school near the beach. it puts you at ease quickly.”

y/n and keiji bid their farewells to separate paths for their first period. keiji eyes stick to y/n's hesitant pinkie still woven onto his.

y/n watches keiji as he walks off, but something catches her eyes making her glimpse back to his direction.

keiji, hands holding onto another girls.

they shared a smile, then a toothy giggle.

keiji lifts their laced hands to his lips, pressing their hands onto the same lips that once reclaimed that they would take down the world together.

his smile like cold ice-tea, sparkly eyes of a dull gunmetal blue and heart as full and warm as a bonfire.

y/n’s chest tightened; throat clenched by a merciless thorned hand. her heart felt heavy, as it was pulled by the heartstrings, blood dripping from it. the blood builds up into a lump in her throat, making her trance a muddy and smeared blur.

it felt like heart was cracking. snapping, even.

too immune to cry, all the blades that dug deep into her back felt like feathers. no more shine in her eyes, but now rotten. the heart she wore on her sleeve, stepped on and bruised.

chrysanthemums, which can mean "i love you" in some cultures, but "you're a wonderful friend" in others.

all she wanted was to be loved so desperately that her fingers shook with it,

“i am not beautiful.”

“but i could be.”

#akaashi keiji #akaashi drabble #akaashi x reader #akaashi keiji x reader #akaashi x you #akaashi x y/n #akaashi headcanons #akaashi hcs #akaashi scenarios #akaashi imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu drabble #haikyuu #haikyuu angst #akaashi angst

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morrimorriarts · 9 months

Text

The Reason Why You Love Him

An Akaashi Keiji (Haikyuu) x Reader Oneshot

A one-shot of your relationship with Akaashi - and everything that came with it.

This fic includes: Gender Neutral Reader, Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Sexual Themes, Mild Cursing, Self-starvation,

Word Count: 11k Words

Enjoy!

THE REASON WHY YOU LOVE HIM

Maybe it's the way he smiled.

When Akashi Keiji smiles, it’s in a soft way - his lips turn up, cheeks rising a little. When he smiles, the people around who see him blushes, for who has ever seen a sight so beautiful?

But when Akaashi Keiji smiles, it’s warm. His mouth curls upwards, his eyes turning to crescents as they smile, too. His lips part to show a bit of his teeth, while gentle pinks seem to bloom at his cheeks. Sometimes, he laughs shortly after, a sound deep from his throat, melodious and comforting.

The first time Akaashi Keiji smiled at you, it was the day you first met.

He sat right next to you, neat and composed as the other students came filing in. It's the first day of school and you thank the heavens the person you are seated with looks gorgeous and smart.

You were the first to speak.

"Hello." Your voice is quiet, almost shy, a part of you is afraid he won't reply. His head rose and he turned to look at you.

He replied, “Hello.”

You fumble with your greetings and introduction, your own name stumbles out of your lips - there is something about him that has made you a little tongue-tied. When he smiles and gives you his name, your brain is quick to repeat it a second, third, fourth, fifth time. “My name is Akaashi Keiji,” He said, “I hope we get along.”

He smiles. It is the first time you feel your heart skip a beat.

“I’m sure we will.” You respond with a smile.

Maybe it’s his kindness, even if it feels a little limited at times.

Akaashi Keiji knows how to give - all within reason, of course.

He’s the type to lend an eraser or a pencil, but only if it’s the extra.

“Akaashi… can I borrow your pencil?” You asked quietly, leaning to his direction. He looks at you for a brief second, before he turns and opens his pencil case. Soon enough, he’s handing you a pencil,

And when he handed it towards you, your skin buzzed for a second when the two of you touched, even if it was only for a moment. “I’ll return it after class.” You said, he only nods. When you turn away, there’s a thrum beneath your skin and the pencil lended to you feels like gold.

He’s the type to share his book with you, but makes no move to adjust.

So you move your seat closer to his, peering into his open book as you take note of the lesson. Akaashi is kind enough to wait for you to finish taking notes before turning the page, his own hands working quickly to paste translucent sticky notes along the important details. He has an entire pack of it by his side, scribbling more information on the spaces in between.

Akaashi is kind enough to help you study between classes or to help you clear up confusing lessons.

“Factor them, so you can get rid of some of the components.” Akaashi murmurs, writing on your paper to show you. “Like this.” He said softly, patiently. You nod along as he said, “Okay, now you cancel both the (x+1) on the denominator and numerator.” You follow his instructions, calmed by his patience to teach.

“It’ll be easier for you if you memorize the formulas and such. During the quiz, you’ll probably have no time to keep on doing things manually.” He said.

You laugh sheepishly, “I’ll try… you’ll still help me, right?”

“I can help you study.” He said with finality.

The day of the exam, you lean towards him a little, but before you can even ask for his help, his arm has already covered his answers. He raises an eyebrow at you, which makes you turn back to your own paper.

And yet, when you sulk afterwards, he gives you a small carton of banana milk, though he bumps it on your forehead first before he sets it down.

If not, then maybe it’s his voice.

Because when Akaashi Keiji spoke, he spoke smoothly, he did not stutter nor show signs of doubt. It’s one of the reasons why people like him so much.

You look up at him from your seat, watching him stand as he was called on by the teacher. Akaashi opens his book, beautiful eyes finding where the last reader left off, before he starts to speak. His english is a little heavy, yet flows well as he reads the part of the poem assigned to him.

He distracts you enough that you do not realize when the poem has ended and where your daydreaming began.

Akaashi looks at you, blinking before turning away.

If you weren’t called to read the next part, maybe you would’ve paid more attention and saw how he too, stared as you spoke, soft pink rising up his neck.

And if it’s still not that, then maybe it’s because of his presence alone.

Akaashi sits silently to the side, eating a rice ball as he reads a book. All around you, your friends babble on and on about a new cafe that opened just down the street, a few blocks away from your school.

You’re about to say that you want to go to the aquarium instead, when the others started to gush all about the food that they want to try out in the new cafe. “Are you okay with going to the cafe?” They asked you, simultaneously turning their heads towards your direction.

Your throat constricts a little, as if your heart has jumped to your tongue. It takes you a second before you say, “Yeah… sure.”

“Alright, this Saturday, then!” They grinned.

They leave soon after the bell rings, leaving you fiddling with your hands, budgeting everything in your mind. You sighed, when you turned back to the side, Akaashi was looking at you. “Oh, sorry. Were we too loud?” You asked.

“Why didn’t you tell them?” He asked.

Your eyebrows furrow, “Tell them what?”

“That you didn’t want to go to the cafe.” He said simply.

You tense up under his gaze so much that “What?” Is the only thing that you can utter.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear.” He smiled.

You shake your head, “No, no- but… how did you know?”

Akaashi Keiji’s reply is simple, “Your tone was different. When you really agree to something, you sound much happier than that.” When you don’t reply and only stare back, Akaashi blinks before taking it as a sign that the conversation is over. He turns back to his book, finishing his rice ball as he flipped to another page.

A part of you wants to end it at that, but the other, more impulsive part is quick to ask - “Then, would you like to go to the aquarium with me?”

Akaashi stared for a moment, before he smiled and said, “Sure.”

That was what led to this, to walking under glass-kept waters, where above you both, schools of fish swimming away from sharks, the mutterings of other visitors reaching your ears as they talked.

You try to remember all the fish facts you read up online - maybe it will impress him, maybe it will make him talk more. You go on and on and on. Akaashi only nods along. There is a pang in your heart and you feel your hands tremble.

You try again, you start to ask questions.

“What’s your favorite fish?” You asked, by now, you’ve forgotten that you’re here to look at the animals, not fumble over words as you desperately try to make conversation. Akaashi shrugs - he doesn’t have one.

You try again.

“Have you been to an aquarium before?” Yes.

“When?” When I was 10, I came with my family.

“Did you like it?” Not much.

You spew out questions until you’ve run out of breath trying to get rid of the silence. So you ask a question you don’t like asking.

“I’m sorry, am I annoying you?” You asked. You dread the answer he will give - what if he found you boring, or noisy, or selfish, or a know-it-all, what if he hates you? What if he regrets coming here?

Akaashi responds with a small shake of his head, “You’re not.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just trying to fill the silence-” You said again, you don’t believe that you’re not. Because you’ve heard that before. “I just-” You hate yourself for stuttering, “I just don’t want this to be boring.”

“You don’t have to force yourself to talk.” Akaashi said, blinking seriously and offering you a small smile. “I enjoy your company as is.”

Akaashi walks beside you - he is silent. Yet, for the first time, the silence doesn’t bother you.

And oh. There is comfort in his silence.

Where others’ felt tense and frustrating, Akaashi’s silence felt normal. His presence does not leave with the sound of his voice, no, instead, it only seems to solidify - because Akaashi Keiji doesn’t need to speak to say that he’s there.

The two of you end up in front of a couple stingrays, you can’t help but put your hands against the glass, marveling at the way they glide through the water. One of them swooped upwards and you can’t help but giggle at the seemingly smiling face of the animal. Your eyes followed it as it swam around.

When you turn back to Akaashi, he is smiling. “You finally look happy.” He said.

A dark blush rose from your neck - you don’t know if he knew how his words have affected you, or if he even knows how he sounded but you don’t speak of it. You simply bask in the moment, part of you registers this as a date, but the more rational part of you labeled it as platonic. You decide to ignore them both, instead, you simply walk with him along the lit path of the dark aquarium. All around you are silhouettes of other people, a thousand buzzing voices tuned out by Akaashi’s presence.

He, alone, is enough to draw your attention even as he did nothing to get it.

Soon enough, you stood by the edge of a dolphin show, watching with wonder as trainers guide and instruct three dolphins to play around. You don’t mind the way that the water splashes on your new outfit, nor the noise of the other visitors. Beside you, Akaashi watches, as well.

One of the dolphins practically flies out of the water, making you slap his arm excitedly as you point towards it. Akaashi only chuckles - he doesn’t mind the way that you’re acting, letting you do as you wish.

And when the show is over and the dolphins swim freely, Akaashi is the one who holds you back from touching them when they get close - when you pout at him he only says, “It’s unpredictable.”

You’re quick to get over it, going over instead to a penguin enclosure, where workers come and let you feed the penguins. You’re quick to wear the gloves, throwing fish just a few feet from where you both were, watching in amazement as the penguins waddle and swarm at the food. You look over to grin at him, “Can you take a picture?”

Akaashi nodded, pulling out his phone to capture pictures of you and your antics around the aquarium. Soon, you both end up under glass again, looking up at the fish that swim by.

“Look! It’s a hammerhead shark!” You smiled, watching it swim up above you both.

Suddenly, you feel his hand close over yours, he pulls you away from a group of visitors you were about to collide with. “Ah, sorry.” You smiled sheepishly at them. When they’re gone, you thank Akaashi, who only nodded.

You don’t comment on it when he keeps on holding your hand - why would you?

As you look around and take your own pictures, Akaashi is the one who tugs you in a certain direction to avoid you getting in an accident. Your mind is aware of your surroundings - after the first time, your brain becomes more alert in order to not embarrass yourself and yet, you let him. You let Akaashi hold your hand, directing you where to go even if you knew it.

A part of you warms at the amount of care the simple gesture showed.

The time to leave comes, but instead of parting ways, you let him walk the both of you to a small cafe near the aquarium. You don’t mind that as he does, his hands still keep themselves intertwined with yours

Your skin flushes at each squeeze or tug of his concern.

He squeezes your hand by the crosswalk just as the lights turn red and the cars stop, holding your hand in a hold that is secure, yet comfortable - he didn’t hold your hand like the bruising grip of your parents, or the loose grip of your laughing friends. He held your hand. He held your hand.

He opens the door for you when you get there, letting you sit as he leaves to get your orders. It is then that he leaves your hand unoccupied. And when he went away, you clutch your hand to your chest.

Akaashi Keiji holds your hand once and your heart thrums in his name.

No? His care, then.

After all, it was Akaashi Keiji who cared enough about you to ask where you were when you were absent in school. "Are you okay?" He asked over the phone.

You sniffle, the cold has lessened but the ache in your body remained, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little bit under the weather."

After school hours, you are surprised to see multiple notifications of texts from him. When you open them, you giggle at the sight of photographs of his notes (thoughtfully separated by subject) and a text listing a to-do list of things you need to catch up on.

You smile and text him, 'Thank you :D'

Your phone dings. He replies, 'You're welcome.'

Still no? Then maybe his passion.

Akaashi Keiji's passion burns silently. It's there, but it doesn't spread like a wildfire. Instead, it's a well-kept flame that never dies.

You step into the gym, looking around curiously.

You sit by the benches, the sight of volleyball and players aren't new but this sight of Akaashi is. Akaashi's gentle hands seem a little more aggressive in court. His eyes seemed a little sharper and calculative as he made quick judgments of who to set to and how to fool the enemy into making a mistake.

You're completely taken by the sight of it.

Akaashi doesn't scream out motivation to his teammates, but his actions are loud enough. You can barely keep yourself seated, the Bento box you spent hours making feel heavier in your hands.

A whistle blows as both teams breathe heavily. Your heart sinks when you see Akaashi's team panting as the other team celebrates.

Akaashi walks off at the same time as the others do.

You're quick to stand and go after him. When you catch up, he's scowling slightly in front of a vending machine, watching the drink drop. It melts away at the first sound of your footsteps.

He turns his head and looks at you when you call out to him. You fumble with your words, "Uhm- thank you for the notes. I, uh, made this for you." You said, extending the Bento Box towards him.

He takes it hesitantly. "You didn't have to."

You respond, "I wanted to."

You walk with him to the cafeteria, where you both sit down to start eating.

"Are you okay?" You ask. It feels a little awkward.

Akaashi looks at you, "Of course." The tight grip he has on his chopsticks is enough to let you know how he truly felt.

You watch him carefully, trying to see if he liked it.

He doesn't show his emotions obviously but you see the small jump on his eyebrow when he ate the egg rolls you made, or the light, quick purse of his lips when he sees the slightly burnt sausages. "If you don't like it, you don't have to eat it." You said.

Akaashi Keiji stares at you as he puts another sausage in his mouth.

You fiddle with your fingers, that is when he asked, "Did you get hurt while making this?" You look down at your bandaged fingers and quickly hide them under the table.

"No?" You said, flinching when it comes as a question instead of a statement.

Akashi blinks. You relent. "Fine. Yes I did."

He sighed but didn't say anything else.

And yet, before lunch break ended, Akaashi sat by you, changing your sloppily applied bandages with new ones. "You have to disinfect the cuts first before you bandage them." He reminds you, "And next time, be more careful."

When he's done, he places another carton of banana milk into your hands, "Here, it'll make you feel better."

By the time school is over, your eyes wander to see where Akaashi might've gone. You ask around, no one really knows either - this is why you hated Thursdays, because Thursdays meant having only one morning class with Akaashi. You text him, waiting for a reply as your feet continue to wander.

He does not reply.

Finally, you end up by the gym. You jump slightly at the sound of balls hitting the ground. When you step inside, you see Akaashi, standing only a few feet away from the net, setting for people who weren't there.

"Akaashi?"

Your voice breaks his concentration, making him tense. He caught the ball in his hands, looking over to you, asking what you needed.

You asked him, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he replied. A part of you knew that he wasn't.

So you walk in, false confidence draped on your shoulders as you asked, "Do you want help?"

Akaashi is hesitant, but he accepts.

Soon, you are throwing balls in his direction, his body moving almost on autopilot as he keeps on setting again and again and again. By the time you're both done, the sun begins to threaten that it will leave entirely, giving you only minutes of sunlight before the two of you finally make your way out.

"I'll walk you home," he said.

You shake your head. Though the two of you go towards the same initial direction, you know that when you reach the third intersection, you'd have to part. His house is to the left of the third intersection, yours is to the right of the fifth. If he goes to yours, he'd have to walk for thirty minutes more and you knew he was tired. You knew he was slowly burning out.

So you said, "You don't have to."

He replied, "I want to."

You couldn't find it in yourself to say no to that.

The two of you stop by a small shop.

You buy him strawberry milk the same time he bought you banana milk.

So maybe you don't hate Thursdays as much anymore. Because now, Thursdays meant late volleyball with Akaashi, followed by a night walk and banana milk.

Ah. When did you start liking banana milk?

Maybe it's all of the above.

Before you knew it, you only have a year left before college comes so you stand beneath a cherry blossom tree, cursing under your breath because fuck, this is so cliche.

It’s spring and everything is blooming - everyone is confessing. It feels so stupid to do the same but your heart is thumping like crazy and everything else feels irrelevant. Who cares if it’s cliche? Who cares if it’s been done before? Who cares if it’s obvious?

It’s your feelings and you have the right to do with it as you wish so when Akaashi comes into view, everything melts away. Suddenly, it’s just him and you under a cherry blossom tree.

You know that he knows - after all, how could he not?

And yet, you still spit it out, the words that feel so big on your tongue. “I like you.” You said, screwing your eyes shut as you try to ask your heart to calm down because if not, you might just pass out right then and there. “I like you so much.” You breathe, your lungs stagger and ache as you try to take in oxygen.

Akaashi Keiji replies. “Why?” You open your eyes, it’s then that you see the cards of pinks and glitters tucked crumpled on his pockets, and the plastic bag of chocolates he was holding. Ah. There were those that came before you.

You stammer - you didn’t think of a poem to tell him how much you like him or a beautiful metaphor that illustrates how you feel. “I-” You stumble over your words, “I just- I just like you.”

“When I’m with you, I’m comfortable and I feel accepted and I haven’t felt this way before.” You said, you feel all tongue-tied again, as if each syllable is stuck in your throat and you have to force them out each time. “I love your silence, when I’m with you I don’t feel pressured to be someone I’m not and I… I appreciate the way you treat and care for me.”

Your answer is all over the place, if you knew, you would have memorized an essay that answered him fluently and properly, you would construct a message that had clear points, you wouldn’t stutter or doubt if your message is coming through. If you knew he would ask ‘Why?’, you would have written a thousand words to tell him why you liked him but you didn’t.

So you conjure all the ways you liked him - “I like it when we touch, because your hands feel warm and soft and when you held my hand that day we went to the aquarium, I couldn't help but want you to keep on holding on to me. I’m jealous of all the girls who had the courage to confess to you before me- I envy their strength to look you in the eyes and tell you ‘I like you’ because I’m confessing to you right now but I can��t look you in the eyes because I’m embarrassed and I feel underprepared.” You spoke quickly, looking down on the ground as you gripped the box of homemade cupcakes you baked for him specifically for today.

“I want to give you something better because now I see what the others gave and it’s all so expensive but I- I don’t have enough money to afford that much and I never really had a talent for writing heartfelt letters because they all end up cheesy but I- I wanted to do it for you. So instead, I made you cupcakes! But I don’t think you’ll like them because- because it’s my first time making cupcakes of this flavor because I know you like this but I’ve never made it before but I wanted to make it for you but Akaashi I’m so nervous that I’m speaking the first thing that comes in my mind. So please, if you’re going to reject me, please just reject me already-” You were going to look up to look him in the eyes when he cut you off.

“May I kiss you?” He asked softly.

His words are enough to make your brain short-circuit.

“What?” You asked - you must have heard him wrong.

Akaashi repeats his question, “May I kiss you?”

You stammer - what even is there to say? You respond a little quicker, tongue tripping on words, "Y-yes!"

Akaashi Keiji leans in, you freeze. His hands cupped both sides of your cheeks, you have a second to register how he drops the plastic bag filled with chocolate treats. You have another to panic about whether or not your breath smells good and whether or not you should open your mouth or keep it closed.

Akaashi Keij kisses you under a cherry blossom tree and shit, it's fucking cliche but you love it - because that moment, that fraction in time is strictly just yours and his. It didn't matter that this was probably done before, that multiple students have probably kissed under the same tree… what mattered is that Akaashi Keiji's lips are on your own and your first kiss tastes like chocolates and lip balm.

Akaashi pulls away, you finally dare to look at him and your heart skips a beat at the sight of his flushed cheeks and the way his breaths seem labored. He is just as breathless as you are.

His hands are still holding your cheeks.

You feel them tremble against your skin.

Before anything else could happen, impulsivity pushes you to pull him in again by the collar of his uniform. Until his lips are flush against yours for the second time because once is not enough.

Your grip on his clothes tighten.

Ah, you're probably going to buy chocolate-flavored lip balm soon.

Maybe it's something entirely different.

Being with Akaashi means a good morning text by the time you wake up and a goodnight text before you sleep. The sight of it is enough to make you kick your feet in the air, heart acting like drums as they beat against your hollowed ribs.

Being with Akaashi means little study dates in the library, tucked in some corner where no one will interrupt you both. He leaned towards you, voice patient when he said, “Now you have to convert it to moles.” He nods along when you do it correctly, but is quick to correct you when you get it wrong. And in turn, you help him review for tests you knew he could do on his own.

“But I want to do this with you.” He said, when you mention that he can probably review this by himself. Akaashi stares at you. As you stare into his blue eyes, you realize that it’s really easy to fall a little deeper, until you’re neck deep and your heart swells.

You smile. “Okay… let’s continue then.”

You remember that the first time the two of you decided to go on a real, official date, it’s in a botanical garden. The coming of Spring has driven the both of you to visit one. That is what gets you on a train going to Kyoto, your lips curved into a smile as you show him the destination - Kyoto Botanical Garden. You’ve already told him about this, knowing that he would appreciate having the chance to make a loose plan the two of you can follow to make the most of the day.

Akaashi doesn’t say much, he only says that he’s looking forward to it, as well. A part of you is nervous that he’s pretending - ah, maybe this is an elaborate prank and Akaashi Keiji is much more cruel than you think - but before you can overthink it any further, Akaashi clamps his hand on top of yours, intertwining them securely.

You lean on his shoulder.

Akaashi tenses.

Immediately, you move to pull away, only to have his unoccupied hand pat your head, gently guiding it back on his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs softly, “it’s my first time being like this, so I didn’t expect it.”

“Oh… it’s fine.” You smile to yourself, giving his hand a little squeeze.

The world falls silent. You think to yourself, ah, could this get any better?

Akaashi turns and places a soft kiss on top of your head and you think - yes, yes it can.

The two of you arrive at the garden at exactly 11:07 AM. The moment you do, you find a good place to snap a picture of both of your shoes. It’s followed by a selfie near the gates, making you glad that you brought your selfie stick along.

Akaashi steps close to you as the two of you pose for the picture, his hand finding your waist as natural as the leaves falling from nearby trees. And perhaps a part of you falls along with them as you feel his hold. You’re quick to take pictures, walking around and talking with him as you did.

Your feet lead you to the Rhododendron Garden. You feel your breath taken away by the sight of the flowers. You lead him nearer, taking pictures of the pink, red, and orange flowers. Akaashi’s hands are the ones who stop you from touching them.

“They can cause skin irritation.” He says simply.

You turn to him. “How did you know?”

He looks back towards you, “Research.”

A soft chuckle leaves your lips and you tease him, “Wow, I didn’t know you were such a nerd.” You stuck your tongue out to him playfully, making him huff a little. “Was it for an assignment? Or a project?”

“No.” He answered, holding your hands again.

“Then for what?” You smiled.

“For you.” He murmurs. “Plants and flowers are beautiful, yes, but I didn’t want to risk you getting harmed if you accidentally touch or eat one.”

“Eat one?” You asked. “You think I would eat a flower?”

“...yes.” He said, almost slowly as his eyes flicked to the side for a moment before his sight trails back to you. “I simply want to keep you safe and sound-” His explanation is cut off by the sound of your laugh, loud and kind of boisterous. He looked dumbstruck - a part of him had expected you to get offended… a part of him did not realize your laugh sounded this beautiful.

“Fine, whatever.” You chuckle, trying to brush it off and ignore the blush that has risen to your cheeks. “Whatever you say, I guess.” And if you hold his hand a little tighter, Akaashi speaks nothing of it. Instead, he gives your hand a small squeeze.

You venture towards the Rose Gardens, past a section of the Botanical which was fashioned to look European. You bend down a little, taking photographs of the flowers. "They're beautiful." You smile, eyes following the way they sway in the wind.

You don't see the way he looks at you - you are far too distracted by the roses to see it.

He says, "Yes, they are."

His gaze burns.

You end up walking along the central lawn, walking into a homey cafe as Akaashi holds your hand. “Lunch first, then we go to…” You scroll along your phone, where you have a map of the place saved. "The Japanese Gardens, right?”

Akaashi nods as the two of you set down your things. You sit in front of each other, quickly deciding on what you’ll get. Soon, he leaves you to get your orders, you stay seated, waiting patiently. When he gets back, he carefully places your Udon Noodle Soup in front of you, followed by a glass of water. On his side, he places a bowl of Katsudon. Followed by this is a plate of gyoza, which came with a small container for the sauce.

He smiles, “Be sure to eat well.” You can only nod as the two of you start eating, hands gripping your chopsticks securely. Somewhere in the middle, Akaashi catches you giving small glances towards his Katsudon, without hesitation, he picks up a piece and extends his hand out towards you. “It’s tasty, try it.”

You hesitate, before deciding to eat it. You lean in, taking it from his chopsticks and chewing slowly, nodding as he asked if you liked it. Your eyes meet. You are still leaning in a little and as if impulsivity possessed you, you decide to rise a little, meeting his lips with your own - and somehow, his Katsudon tastes a little better when it comes from his lips.

Akaashi chuckles, looking away a little as a soft blush rose from his neck.

The two of you eat quietly after that, stealing glances, sharing portions of your food as the two of you take a quick rest from walking. Deciding to take your time finishing the portion of gyoza left, Akaashi rose from his seat, taking the one beside you, instead. You spend the rest of that time talking softly, laughing and taking cute little pictures. You take a note to make a scrapbook soon - it’s the first time you’ve ever felt like this and every single part of you longs to simply capture this very moment and live in it forever.

The two of you leave soon after, making your way towards the Japanese Gardens.

He holds your hand as you walk, his fingers slotting between your own and you can’t help but wish that moments like these lasted for eternity.

Akaashi walks you home after your date. He leans towards you, gently pushing his lips against yours. When he pulls back, you have to blink multiple times to get back to your proper senses. He gives you a small, transparent box. You look up and take it from his hands, carefully holding the box as you gazed at the potted, succulent plant inside the box.

“I bought it for you while you were away for a bit.” He said, “I hope you take care of it.”

“Of course I will.” You smiled. “Thank you, ‘kaashi.”

Akaashi smiles, kissing you again, just as soft as the last time. “You’re always welcome. Let’s do this again soon.” He said after pulling away. You nodded, making him smile a little wider. “Goodnight.” He said, followed by a sweet, soft murmur of your name - and it was as if each syllable became priceless when he said them.

“Goodnight, Akaashi.” You smile.

He's so easy to love, isn't he?

Akaashi Keiji shares one of his earphones with you while the two of you sit next to each other. The first song he plays is always a love song, followed by whatever song is next on the playlist. You actually have your own playlist with him, titled 'A Dream Come True', each song was the answer to a question, making you chuckle as you began to compare and contrast your tastes in music. It's a bit cliche, but it's true, isn't it?

Akaashi Keiji always makes sure you're prepared for tests - because he knows that sometimes, you run low on motivation. So he brings you an energy drink, maybe a cup of coffee, sometimes even a whole meal. He stays up with you when you study your lessons, helping you out when you need it.

“Here,” he said, quietly as you both sat in your room, “I usually dissuade you from drinking these but I know you need it.” He sighed as he handed you the energy drink. He sits beside you, opening his notebook as he studies beside you again. As you drink, you take it upon yourself to hold his left hand, watching him scribble notes and make neat markings on the book he was reading.

Akaashi simply squeezes your hand lightly as he did, giving you brief glances when you move around before putting his attention back to studying.

Akaashi Keiji cooks with you. When you hit your first anniversary, he took it upon himself to invite you to his house while his family was away. There, the two of you spent the day making ramen from scratch.

He stands beside you as you massaged the dough, cutting up vegetables and pork as you did. Soon enough, you’re splitting the mass of dough, laughing as you both struggled a little to split it evenly. “If you end up with more noodles than me, I’m stealing your bowl.” You laughed, making him shake his head with a smile as he brought the bowl of flour closer.

You both start making sheets made up of the dough, folding and dusting it with flour before beginning to cut it to make noodles. "You're not cutting it evenly." He chuckled, looking up from his own noodles, which you saw were cut evenly.

"Whatever, perfectionist." You roll your eyes, though you do give a little more effort in evenly cutting them.

It doesn’t take long before you’re sitting next to him, assembling your ramen carefully. "Hey! That's my portion!" You gasp, stealing the piece of meat from him and hitting his hand lightly as he laughed. You place it carefully on top of your noodles, smiling as it all comes together.

He places a small container of chili powder near you, "Here, I know you like it spicy."

You smile, leaning in to kiss him briefly. "Thanks, you know me so well." He chuckled, watching you carefully sprinkle in some.

He puts your bowls next to each other, carefully placing chopsticks on top of neatly folded tissues. "Let's take a picture." He murmured. You snap quick pictures - both of the food and of each other - putting it into the gallery collection labeled as '1st Anniversary'.

You start eating in the living room, opening the television and putting on a movie as you eat together.

He just feels perfect, doesn’t he?

It's been four years since then, college has come, and it threatens to split you apart.

"I can't this week," he said - how many times has it been?

You purse your lips, hand tightening your grip on the phone, "Again?" The question slips out of your lips like the falling of droplets. Small. Quick. Almost unheard. "You promised you'd come with me this time." A part of you is quick to give up - the Museum will open up again, don’t worry, don't worry - but the rest is starting to scurry away from him and your hands have started to ache as you hold onto strings that kept you together.

"I'm sorry," how many times have you heard that before?, "But this is a very important project, I can't risk passing it late."

More important than me? You almost bit back, more important than our 4th anniversary? You do not say it. You cannot. So you keep your true thoughts locked in the darkness of your mind and you say to him, "Yeah. Okay. Sure. We'll reschedule, then?"

"Yes, I'm really sorry-" you cut him off before he can speak your name, you knew that if he did, you would crumble and break and from the way you see it, Akaashi cannot risk being distracted by anything… by anyone.

It is the first time you ever missed an anniversary.

"It's okay." You said. You grip the phone a little tighter. You stare almost blankly at your computer screen. The phone call ends before you realize - you both do not say I love you anymore, the phrase has gone foreign on your tongue, like an unknown language you hear for the first time. And even your ears, which used to translate his playlists to that phrase; or your skin which used to shiver and recognize his touch as his way of saying it; or your lips which smile at the taste of his unspoken words - they neither hear, feel, nor taste it anymore.

You place your phone away from sight. You do not wish to see it.

A vain feeling of burning grief rises from the embers of a broken heart - it threatens to choke you and leave your throat bruised and burnt from its touch. You almost want to beg for it to do so. You have a feeling that it would feel much better than this.

Loneliness. Your mind labeled the feeling - the emotion born from being alone; the feeling of being abandoned.

Your eyes trail to your computer screen. There, the sight of him makes your gut curl and tie in knots, the Akaashi you knew from two years ago smiles at you. The dimple on his cheek stays the same, so does the ruffle of his dark hair and the clearness of his blue eyes - the Akaashi you knew has gone static.

Akaashi is smiling, wearing the outfit he wore during one of your dates in an art gallery - a simple, beige cardigan and loose pants, his glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. The sight of him from your computer screen looked so real it coaxes tears out of your eyes. Your dislike of drawing realism is dwarfed when it is him you draw. For how can it ever go against the love you have for him which always seems to overflow onto the spaces of your hollowed ribs?

It has been too long since you last saw each other and clumsy phone calls between classes or before you both go to sleep is not enough.

It is as if life has stolen him from you and dangles his image far from your reach yet close to your eyes - you see him in the darkness behind your eyelids, there, he has the chance to let you lay your head on his shoulder, the taste of banana milk sweet on your tongues, his hand holds yours and you are warm. So warm that you melt into his arms but now, in the cold and in the darkness of your dorm room, you are running a fever and your soul, which yearns for him screams his name but he does not respond in kind.

Instead, he says I'm sorry.

Oh how you've begun to despise that phrase.

You are left there on your bed, curled and crying and despising your reaction because at this point, you should have gotten used to it.

How many times has he left you like this, unknowing that it was a time you needed him most?

But then again… what did you expect?

The two of you have aged, you do not live just thirty minutes away anymore, instead, he lives two cities over, attending his dream college as you attend yours. You both chose this, saying that it will work, saying that you will make it work - but that did not last long.

Somewhere near the end of first year, your weekend dates have been forgotten; by the second, even scheduled dates are canceled and rescheduled, only to get canceled again. Now here, on your third, phone calls are filled with I miss you yet followed by I'm sorry. A part of you hates him for saying that, yet hates you more for sometimes doing the same.

It is as if life is determined to keep you apart, the same way fate strung you together, making you live half an hour apart from childhood to your teenage years yet never letting you meet until highschool - but ah. What if you two were never truly built to last?

Your nails dig into your skin, threatening to break into it and make you bleed. How many times have you done this to yourself? Hugging your knees to your chest, asking where it went wrong. You both tried didn't you? You both wanted this to work, didn't you?

Oh. What if everything is going wrong because you are the only one who wants this now?

You think. You think. You think.

What if, behind the closed phone screen, after the hung up calls and quick goodbyes, someone else wraps their arms around his shoulders like you used to. And it is them that whisper comfort in his ears and what if he is only waiting for the right way, for the right time to end it?

What if, when he says “I’m sorry”, he is only waiting for you to realize the silent goodbyes that follow that phrase?

Akaashi wouldn't do that to you… right?

You bite your lip, a part of you tries to pull you back but it cannot. You sink. In this falling, there is only darkness - you cannot envision Akaashi to be there to catch you, why hope that he will when you know that he is not there?

But you trust him, don't you?

And you love him, don't you?

You feel paralyzed on your bed, unable to move and unable to think of things other than the fact that he is not there. You felt as if you were going crazy.

Your roommates have come and go to tell you to eat, but your lips only move to give a half-hearted excuse that you aren’t hungry yet - in truth, you have no appetite at all, even as your stomach churns and eats itself from the inside.

There’s a knock on your door. A part of you wishes it is him. The rest know it’s not.

It’s your roommate, they tell you that you should eat soon, it's late and you shouldn't skip dinner. "I know you're on a diet," they said, "but you haven't eaten properly in weeks. I don't want you to get sick, okay? Please eat dinner soon."

"I will." You respond - you will not. You hear their footsteps retreat, making you close your eyes as you try to fall back asleep.

But really, why do you love him?

You wake to the sound of knocking. Someone asks if they can come in. You grumble and say whatever comes into mind - "Leave me alone, go away." They knock again and apologize, and finally you relent - "Fine, come in, whatever." You huddle a little closer to your blankets, curling up as you hear the door open and their footsteps are heard as they walk in.

They close the door. You hear a soft click as they lock it.

They sit on your bed, you feel it dip under their weight. At this point, you can't find it in yourself to care if they end up being a serial killer or whatever - a thought that you'd probably regret in the afterlife, if ever.

They brush a hand through your hair, before you hear a sigh. They lift your blanket, settling beside you and putting a loose arm around your waist. They kiss your hair and come a little closer.

They utter your name and ask if you're asleep - you cannot find it in yourself to reply. So you pretend. You act like you're asleep, even if you knew that they probably know you aren't.

He doesn't tell you that he loves you.

When you truly wake hours later, it's near the afternoon, you sit up and feel their arm fall from its place on your waist. You look to the side and see him right there - Akaashi Keiji, warm and asleep as he breathed softly.

"So it wasn't a dream." You mumble to yourself. "You're really here."

You can't help but reach out to touch him. Your touch alone is enough to stir him awake, his eyes fluttering open and immediately focusing on you. His soft utterance of your name is enough to make you draw back. Just hours before, you had so much to say, but now that he was here, your parched throat could not bear to say anything.

“What happened?” He asked, getting up from the bed and holding your hand gently. “I hear you haven’t eaten properly in weeks.”

You sigh and shake your head, "It's nothing. It's late, Akaashi, you should get back to your dorm."

Akaashi shakes his head, looping his hand around your wrist and pulling you back. "Wait! I… I wanted to talk." He said. "About us."

Ah. Here it is.

The thing you have been dreading - the coiled dread in your gut wakes, slithering up your spine until it curls around your lungs and heart. "What is it?" You ask.

"Why don't we go to the living room? I'll cook you up a meal as we talk." He said.

"Not here. The others-"

"I asked for a favor. They're out right now. For the entire day." He said. "I know you like privacy and I didn't really think you would be up for going out."

You nod hesitantly. "Fine. Let's get this over with."

You sit on the chair in front of the counter, he grabs the apron from the rack and begins to talk as he opens the refrigerator. "Is Omurice okay with you?"

"Yes but- actually, they cooked last night, there's probably still some leftovers from dinner. I can just eat that." You said, rising from your seat as the ache in your bones started to come back.

"Sit down," he said - it's the first time you've ever heard him sound so forceful. "Please… just… sit down, okay?" He turns towards you and smiles, "Let me take care of you."

He doesn't buy you your favorite meals.

He grabs a chopping board as he takes out the ingredients, along with the leftover pork chops from last night. He heats it up as he begins to chop portions of carrots and potatoes. "I'm not sure where to begin," he said.

"You're doing just fine- after that you just have to make fried rice then-" Your rambles are cut off.

"You know that that's not what I meant." He sighed.

"Well maybe I don't want to talk about it." You said, "Maybe I'm not ready to let you go- Akaashi, we've been together for four years, I'm not going to let you leave me like this." You look down, trying to hide the tears forming in your eyes.

"Leave you?" He asked. "Why would I leave you?"

You look up, "Is that… not what you're here for?"

Akaashi blinks at you, opening his mouth as he tries to conjure the right words, "I'm not- I didn't come here to break up with you."

You sat up a little straighter, the tears in your eyes backtracking and retreating back into their ducts. "Then what are you here for?"

"To apologize." He said, "And to talk about what we want to do next - if anything, I've been anxious you'll break up with me." He turned back to the vegetables he was cutting, his eyes blinking rapidly as he tried to blink the forming tears away. And perhaps he is just as heart broken as you have been.

"I couldn't come yesterday because of the project so I wanted to make it up to you today. Then I heard you weren't eating well so I came late into the night yesterday as soon as I finished the project but well… you were already resting, I think." He said, "I'm sorry that I slept next to you last night, I know I didn't ask for your permission. I just- I just couldn't help it, I guess."

He chuckles. You watch him mess up a little as he wiped at his forehead - he's nervous. You've never seen him act like this before. He opens the stove and adds a slab of butter into a pan, letting it heat up for a bit before he adds cooked rice. It's followed by the vegetables he cut up. As he cooked, he said, "I wanted to make it up to you. Everything that I've been lacking and missing-"

"It wasn't your fault." Your mouth is quick to say it, even as your insides churn in glee as he begins to apologize.

"It was." He said, "I should've made some time for us, like you were doing. I'm sorry that I've been selfish for the past few months."

"You were chasing your dreams - who was I to stop you?" You asked.

He says your name. Softly. Gently. As if your name will break on his tongue if he says it any differently. "It's okay," he said, "I already know my faults. And besides… I don't want you to think there's something wrong with you or that I've fallen out of love with you or anything like that because I haven't."

He plates the fried rice, setting it on the counter. He breaks two eggs into a bowl, adding a little salt before beating it.

What passes is a moment of silence. You watch, eyes trained on the fact that he is here - how many nights have you lain awake, wishing for the stars to bring him back to you?

You look down, there is a voice in your head that says you should break up with him - make him feel as desperate as you did, it said, hurt him as he has hurt you. And yet, you don't. Perhaps you love him too much to do so.

Sometimes love is letting go, the voice said, it questions you, what makes you think he won't just neglect you again? You are as expendable as the eggshells he broke and got rid off moments ago, what makes you think he will keep on loving you as he used to?

You play with your hands, heart beating a little quicker and harsher against the bones of your ribs. What if he finds someone else? It will hurt more if you continue, just leave now - that way it will hurt once then never again.

Do not tell me that he's worth it - do you even know if he still finds worth in you?

"I know I'm pretty late but if it's okay with you… do you think that maybe we could try again? I promise that I'll be better this time." He said, setting down the plate of food in front of you, freshly cooked, and looking delicious yet your stomach tightens and churns at the sight of it - perhaps it is not food you hungered for.

He unties his apron, hooking it on the rack again as he goes around the counter to step closer towards you. He speaks your name but his voice is muffled by your own heartbeat and suddenly, you feel frozen as you say on that seat. Doubt creeps and breathes onto your neck, raising goosebumps and fear of being left - Akaashi speaks your name again but the tremble of your heartbeat does not cease. In fact, it grows louder.

It is the first time you felt alone even while in his presence.

He will find someone to replace you, the voices said, look at him. Top of his class and soon to graduate, blessed with good looks and a nice voice - men and women will flock to him, do you think you'll stand a chance?

But he loves me, you think to yourself, Akaashi loves me.

But does he? Tell me. Does he really?

Your hands clench against each other, almost threatening to break your knuckles until Akaashi's hand covers your own. Your hold on yourself loosens a little. His hands move. The chair scrapes against the floor. Suddenly, his arms are around you.

"It's okay." He murmured, kissing the top of your head, "I'm right here. I'm not going to leave." It was as if he knew what was going on inside your head, as if he heard what doubt and anxiety had whispered into your ears. "It's okay, I've got you. Cry if you need to, I'll stay as long as you need me to."

The tears come like the makings of a waterfall, dripping from your eyes and down along your cheeks leaving tear tracks on your skin.

"I'm sorry," you said, "I'm so sorry, I don't know why I'm crying I just-" Akaashi shakes his head, wiping at your tears as he gives you a small, worried smile.

"It's okay," he said, giving your temple a soft kiss, "It's going to be alright." He rubs your back as you let your tears fall. "I'm sorry, my dear," he murmurs, holding you a little tighter, "I didn't mean to make you feel abandoned."

You cling to him a little tighter, there is a silence in your head that threatens to break as soon as you unhold him so you let yourself unravel instead - perhaps, you will find solace in the sound of your own breaking. You spend what seemed to be a thousand years right there in his arms, but even that is not enough to fill your heart's chasm.

Your hands feel weak even as they grip him tightly, you cannot help but cry as he carefully rubs your back. He treats you as if you would shatter right there in his hold should he touch you too roughly. You don’t know whether to hate or thank him for it.

After some time, you are able to tear yourself away from him, sniffling as you finally settle and slumped down on your seat. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you with all of this.” You said.

Akaashi shook his head, gently placing a kiss on your tired knuckles again. “It’s fine, dear. It wasn’t your fault.” He smiles lightly against your skin, “Why don’t you eat for now? You’re probably still quite tired, so we can rest for a bit before talking about this again.”

You give him seconds of silence before you say, “Okay.”

He hands you the cutlery, watching with a soft smile on his face as he sees you smile slightly as you break the egg on top, watching the half-cooked yolk run along the fried rice. You give him a look, before pushing him lightly towards the container holding the cutleries. “Eat with me.” You say, “I won’t be able to finish it all.”

You pierce the heated piece of porkchop, bringing it to his lips as you say, “You need food, too.”

Akaashi sighs, before he eats it and gets his own spoon and fork. “As long as you eat well, as well.” He said, watching you eat a spoonful before he eats, too. He sits right next to you, silently eating, yet somehow making sure that you ate more than him.

“Let’s go out. On a date, I mean.” You said - impulsive and sudden.

“Are you sure?” He asked.

“Yeah. We can drop by your dorm so you can change, then we can visit the park or something.”

Afterwards there is silence as you take a quick shower while he washed the dishes, but as you stand under the water, the soft warmth is not enough to comfort you. As soon as you are out of his reach, the whispering voices come back. He’s lying, it said, like the others did. You feel tears swell up from their coves again, your fingers twiddling with each other as you watch the soap suds get washed away by the running water.

He will leave when the time comes, maybe when you’re angry or while you argue, they say, so that he’s not the bad guy. Your hands claw at your arms again - ah, you should leave the shower soon. You should, you should. Yet your legs do not move. You feel stuck as the whispers turn to statements - he will leave again, until you understand what his leaving means and break it off with him. He doesn’t say it but he wants to be free of you.

So you ask yourself - what can you do to make him stay?

How can you convince him to stay?

You look down at yourself, trying to ignore the forming lump in your throat.

Your throat constricts, you do not have words left to say other than your woes and you’re sure it will only push him away. What if he really leaves?

But what else is there to give?

A knock on the bathroom door snaps you away from falling deep into those thoughts again. Akaashi spoke your name before he said, “You should step out soon, you might get sick if you stay there for too long.”

You say that you’ll step out soon but your mind is still trying to think of something - of anything - that might convince him to stay. It was as if your mind had forgotten the words he uttered of not wanting to leave you, perhaps you have been feeling lonely for too long that you have begun to cling to a person who will not leave you.

Or perhaps you just don’t believe him and his words anymore.

You wrap a towel around yourself, holding it against your body as you step out. You open your closet, putting on your clothes and buttoning up your shirt only to hear your door open. Akaashi curses loudly as he fumbles with the doorknob, and as you turn to look at him, you see the way his eyes are cast downwards, cheeks flushed red and his hands trembling a little from the panic. You didn’t hear what he wanted to say - nor can you find it in yourself to care.

This.

You stride towards him, holding his wrists and you say, softly, “Don’t go.”

He hesitated in answering and you can’t help but pull him into your room, locking the door behind the two of you as you basically crowd him onto the bed. He falls on the mattress, settling to sit against the headboard, as if he wanted to run from you. You begin unbuttoning your clothes, letting it fall to your elbows as you shrug it off.

Perhaps if you can make him happy now, he will stay with you forever.

You see his flushed face as he tries to keep on looking away and you say - almost a demand - “Look at me, Keiji.” His blue eyes flicker towards you, blinking quickly as you step closer, crawling into bed and trapping him between your limbs. His breaths come quick and heavy - nervous and unsure.

You settle on his lap, hands moving upwards to thumb at the edges of his clothes.

You ask, “May I?”

He doesn't even let you do what you want.

He answered, soft sighed as he spoke, “No.”

“Oh.” You say softly. He doesn’t want you. “You don’t want me.” You look away. Your hands fall, but before they could fall onto your lap, his own hands have caught them and brought them to his lips.

“I do, my dear,” He murmurs, “Trust me when I say that I do want you.” His blue eyes look up at you, “But not like this.”

“Then how do you want me?” You asked, sounding hopeful - yet for the wrong thing.

Akaashi looks up at you, thumbing and grazing his touch along the edges of your eyes. “When you’re okay, then we can do this.” He said, “But not when you’re like this… not when we are like this. I don’t want our first to be so unromantic and sad.” He offers you a soft smile, “Why don’t we just watch a movie? Or would you prefer a short nap? We can cuddle, if you’d like.”

“But this is the only thing I haven’t given yet.” You say.

Akaashi makes you look at him, “You don’t need to. I will love you regardless.”

Ah. It is the first time you ever heard him say that, isn’t it?

You can’t stop the tears that fall from your eyes and you raise your hands to sob onto your palms as you feel your soul tremble at the mere utterance of how he loves you. He loves you. Akaashi Keiji loves you.

His gentle hands pry your hands away from your face, chuckling as he leans up to kiss your tears away. You sniffle - you don’t understand why you’re crying so much but at this point, does it even matter?

At some point, he has maneuvered you to lay on top of him, his arms wrapped around your waist as your hands grip at his clothes. Your legs are tangled with each other's, your ear against his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat.

So… why?

"You won't leave me?" You ask.

His hands move to comb his fingers through your hair. He answers you, "Never."

"Are you sure? What if you find someone better?" You ask again. You close your eyes, exhausted from this day alone.

"That's impossible," he said simply, "There's no one in this world that equals you." He says it so seriously that you can't even remember what your doubts have whispered just an hour before.

"I love you." You say.

He responded, "I love you too."

Why him, of all people?

Years later and he kisses you at the altar, his hands cupping your cheeks as your lips meet for the billionth time.

He tastes as sweet as the first time.

In the after party, he holds your hand securely, intertwining your fingers and kissing you periodically. You giggle at this - it's one of the few times he was ever like this.

"You must've missed me a hundred times today." You say softly as you get ready for your honeymoon.

"I'll kiss you a hundred more tonight." He whispers back, smiling as you blush and push him away slightly.

"You're being stupid, Akaashi." You roll your eyes.

"Just for you, Akaashi." He winks, pulling away from you as he watches you blush a little deeper.

But then again, maybe the point isn't why but the fact that you do.

"Akana! Right here, c'mon!" You grin, clapping your hands as you cheer for your little daughter. Keiji is crouched down, bracing to catch her if she falls. Hikaru is standing on wobbly legs, holding onto your arms as he watches his twin sister take her first steps.

You hear the small patting of her feet against the hardwood floor.

Finally, she reaches you just fine, her small hands clasping on your own as she smiles. You give her a big hug, grinning as Hikaru joins in. You carry Akana to the couch, your husband following suit as he carries Hikaru.

"They're growing up too quickly." You sniffle, bouncing Akana on your leg as Keiji sits beside you, letting Hikaru cling to him as he replies with a low chuckle. "What? You don't think they're growing quickly?"

"They're still toddlers. And besides, they'll probably stay with us until they're 18, calm down." He smiled, "Don't worry, you have a lot of time with them."

He leans forward and kisses your forehead. He pulls away, beginning to play with Hikaru as he smiles.

You watch him as you hold your daughter.

So this is what love is.

#akaashi keiji #haikyuu akaashi #akaashi x reader #akaashi x you #akaashi angst #fluff #hurt/comfort #angst with a happy ending #angst #x reader #haikyuu #writers on tumblr #ao3 writer #fanfic

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fushiguroll · 2 years

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“I SHOULD’VE NEVER LET YOU GO”

⇢ kuroo tetsuro, akaashi keiji, oikawa toru, suna rintaro

synopsis: the one in which he never thought he’d regret breaking up with you

ʚɞ KUROO Tetsuro | hates you so, so much. the barista’s smile was genuine when she met his eyes and he watched the slightest hint of red blossom on her cheeks when their fingers met as he reached for his coffee. “thanks”, it sounded hollow, even to him. kuroo hates the way his brain automatically compares your smile to another woman’s, the instant playback of you calling “tetsu!” with that damn smile of yours. It was like his body was punishing him for letting you go. he sips on his coffee and mentally kicks himself as his tongue burns at the contact of the hot liquid. he could almost hear your laughter as you (would probably) say “babe, what’d I tell you? you gotta blow on it before you drink.” kuroo closes his eyes, hating you for etching yourself into his heart. but in all honestly, he doesn’t hate you. no, kuroo has never been a good liar. he could never hate you because he loves you, maybe a little too much.

ʚɞ AKAASHI Keiji | can’t read his favorite books anymore. even when he’s slipped into his favorite pajama, the pillows propped up just right, and the bed the most comfortable place to be in right now, akaashi cannot focus on the words in front of him. you’re gone. why wouldn’t you after catching his lips on another? he should’ve begged you to stay instead of standing silently on the side as you packed away remnants of you. you’re gone, but he still feels you lying on his chest as he reads out loud. he sees the way you wrinkle your nose in confusion and ask “why would Daisy hurt Gatsby like that?” akaashi realizes as long as you continue to haunt him, he’ll probably never be able to read again.

ʚɞ OIKAWA Toru | never thought he’d find it so hard to move on after you’re gone. the last straw came when he leaned down and allowed one of his fangirls to kiss him on the cheek, right in front of you. when you confronted him afterwards, asking if he even loves and respects you, oikawa had no answer. It was just fan service, why was that so hard for you to understand? he was the one who brought up the breakup, his fans are important to him. without them, he’d be nothing. so you gave him the freedom he desperately sought after. except after you’re gone, oikawa felt more enslaved than ever. enslaved by the memories of you. the way you slip your hand into his, the sneaky kisses between classes, the random back hugs, your laughter, your eyes, your hair. oikawa sits up in bed, surprised at the wetness on his cheeks and realizes maybe he did love you after all.

ʚɞ SUNA Rintaro | thought letting you go would be the best decision for him, both life and career-wise. he’s busy, especially as the season got aggressively intense. he knows you mean well, but the little texts asking if he’s eaten or if he’s wearing enough became a burden to him. suna just doesn’t love you the way he did back in high school. somewhere along the line, he changed but you stayed the same. and to put it as simply as he can, suna rintaro just doesn’t need you anymore. he thought you’d put up more of a fight, but you simply nodded your head and gave him a little hug. suna would be lying if he didn’t feel a weight lifted off his chest the moment you closed the door behind you. yet, as he lies in bed, the lips of a new lover trailing slowly down his neck, he was surprised by the feeling of a new weight on his chest. as she straddles him, he realizes it was the weight of your absence. he closes his eyes, looks like suna rintaro needed you all along.

reblogs are wildly appreciated <3

main masterlist | haikyū masterlist

#—edited&approved #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu imagines #kuroo x reader #oikawa x reader #akaashi x reader #suna x reader #kuroo angst #oikawa angst #suna angst #akaashi angst

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dreamsholdpowers · 16 days

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The Aftermath

(I don't own the image) ~Akaashi x Fem! Reader. Warnings: Angst, my writing (that's a warning in itself), Hurt no comfort Word count: 734 This is like a second part to "Maybe meant to meet but not to be" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You couldn't believe it, any of it. None of it seemed real to you. -Here you were a few hours ago, planning a picnic date for your 2 year anniversary and now you're left cradling your heart, or what's left of it. -The man you imagined your future with, suddenly left like the last 1.7 years didn't matter to him at all. -And here you are, sitting in the middle of the living room, trying to figure out what to do cause it just doesn't make sense? -How? Just How could he leave after spending 1.7 years beside you. After all the promises to spend the whole life together? -You pick up your phone lying a bit far from you to call him and ask if all this was a cruel joke. "Pick up, Pick up please Keiji" You pleaded, gripping your phone and felt to yell as all calls go to voicemail. there's just one text that he wrote: Pretty boy <3 : "Please don't contact, I'll get my things next week from your apartment. It's better for the both of us". - You didn't know of the hours that passed as you sat there on the cold floor crying, not that you cared either way. Everything hurt and you didn't know what to do with all this pain. - Your story started during the first year of Fukurodani Academy where you and him shared some classes and got paired up for a group project and that blossomed into a beautiful friendship. It was 9 months into the friendship when you started noticing how him doing small stuff for you would make you happy. - How seeing him would make your heart skip a beat. It was during the second year when you gathered enough courage to confess to him. After a volleyball practice when he walked you home from school: Another tradition you made as friends. You just blurted "Ireallylikeyou" to which you earned his rare smile. "I like you too" You could declare that as the happiest day of your life. -This is why you can't grasp where did it go wrong? - You could just pick up your phone to call your closest childhood friend who was a mutual to Keiji as well: "K-Kuroo he broke up with me" "No way- That bastard. I'll be over in 10 chocolate or vanilla?"

"Chocolate w-would be nice" "You got it ma'am" -Within ten minutes you heard shuffling at the door. "I'm here bro, what the fuck happened and why? Give me one good reason to not drag him here" Kuroo looked slightly out of breath and was holding a tub of chocolate ice cream. -His eyes softened as they landed on you and came over kneeled beside you, pulled you into a hug and let you cry as you re counted everything that went down. - Kuroo stayed a few days, to make sure that you were taking proper care of yourself. ______________________________________________________________[Time skip A week] -Days have been tough to say the least, everything around you reminds you of him. The locket he gave you on your birthday, The plushies he won at a fair, His hoodie that you neatly packed and kept for him to come and collect, his side of the bed. His fav books. - You cried, and no one blames you, no one saw this coming. But they were reluctant to pick sides. -Akaashi in the meanwhile, pretended that you did not exist, ignoring your existence and the only acknowledgement that you'd get is a curt nod. -It pained you, hell devastated you seeing him so nonchalant. - You wondered how could he be so calm? Does it not pain him like it pains you? Does agony not wrap her ugly claws around his heart? Does grief not poison him from the inside? Do your shared memories not pain him? Does he not look at the rain and remember you? Does the promise ring on this finger haunt him as much as it does to you? -Despite all of that, you still believe that it's better to have loved than not loved at all. -He comes to pick up his stuff that's neatly packed in boxes and brings your stuff that you know would bring you nothing but pain. -You slowly try to get back at life, get into clubs, anything that could distract you from what you felt. And that's where you met him: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Idk what this is. More like a filler. Thank you everyone that took time to read it. Hope life is kinder to you. <3333

#akaashi scenarios #akaashi headcanons #haikyuu akaashi #akaashi angst #akaashi x reader #akaashi keiji #hq x reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x reader angst

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badmoonriiising · 10 months

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akaashi “i am not ready for you yet” keiji and bokuto “it’s okay, baby. i will wait” koutarou

#haikyuu #akaashi angst #akaashi keiji #bokuto kōtarō #bokuaka #hq #hc #bokuto x akaashi #hq bokuaka

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torhues · 1 year

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akaashi keiji.

tw . death and grieving

they say, we value something the most when it's gone.

akaashi doesn't know why those words resonate with him.

he doesn't have a lot of offer, not at all. akaashi keiji, in fact, doesn't have anything to give or lose, his hands are empty. he has a mediocre job and a mediocre life, a mediocre apartment with some mediocre flowers in the mediocre vase a friend gave him as a congratulatory gift on graduation day. he has same mediocre thoughts and books, tropes and genres, no new thought in a while; akaashi, actually, has more to accept than to lose.

to think, he has always been on the receiving end of life.

good grades made their way to him almost too easily, his looks served as a way for confessions to find their route to him as well. being an only child gave him the privilege to have everything to himself rather than sharing it with someone. akaashi isn't half mean, or selfish, or careless, or anything that people like him could be. he still keeps the fountain pen bokuto gave him on the last day of highschool even though it's nib had broken. there's a scarf in his cupboard, one made by his late aunt who died of lymphoma, it's torn, yarns peeping out of the knits. it's kept intact in a fancy red box.

akaashi has always received a lot, so much that he hasn't dealt with loss, to such an extent that he has never been on the other end. but his hands feel empty. in the silence suffocating him, sitting on a chair with his head hung low, the floor looks so pretty. there's a faint reflection of him on the tiles, then his eyes land on his hands.

his hands feel empty.

maybe it's the timing that has been making him feel this way. perhaps, it's the location, the empty hospital room and the empty streets, the empty hallway, the empty hours, the lack of something and abundance of everything— it's making him go insane. it's fine, he tells himself, a hospital can make one feel that way.

akaashi looks over at the empty bed, the white sheets and the white walls all around. his gaze shifts to the now shut down heart monitor, the pillow you had rested your head upon until this afternoon, the lilies in the bouquet he got your this morning, they've wilted. he should be packing up your stuff. your clothes, the blanket you've always adored and the books you made him read all these days while you were lying on the now empty hospital bed.

occasionally, he tries to convince himself that this is a dream. that you're here, somewhere, perhaps at work or at the nursery, maybe out for shopping with a friend or at your parent's house because you've been missing them lately. akaashi imagines himself waiting for you at the station or the bus stand or the airport, smiling like a fool because he hasn't seen you in days and finally he can have you close to him, his lips on yours, your hand in his,

but now, his hands feel emptier.

akaashi, once again, looks over at the empty bed. the image of you lying on it slips in his mind— weak and exhausted, too miserable to even lift your hand. the you that has been greeting him with a crooked smile for the last three weeks. the part of you that cries when no one is around a pretends to be fine when he accidently walks in on you. you who had been living off on tubes and blood transfusions, who smells like medicines and antiseptics, who's eyes, even while fighting to their life, didn't run out of love.

akaashi has always been on the receiving end. his chest feels heavy, his vision is blurry, he feels lonely; akaashi doesn't know what he had lost.

he can't put it in words.

they say, we value something the most when it's gone. akaashi doesn't understand why those words keep popping up in his mind as a reminder. he's not like that, he knows how much to mean to him. he adored you— still does— has never taken you, or your love, for granted.

what about the people who know the worth?

he sniffs, because he knew. akaashi knows he loves you more than anything else in this entire world and, tried his best to hold onto you; little by little, thread by thread, holding by the end of the rope even if it means standing at the edge of the knife.

losing something, isn't it so much worse for them?

akaashi believes there's penance in yearning, there's pain in giving too much of your heart. you've always been on the giving end, and it scared him because, what if he's not enough? what if he isn't even giving you even a quarter of what he's receiving, because in the end, nothing in the world could compensate for short fall.

did i not love you enough?

he thinks of the times where instead of all this, he had you. life was exquisitely simple, and you were desperately happy. where instead of heavy silence, the room was filled with your laughter, where his hands weren't empty for yours always found their way to his'. he thinks of the days when he'd spend his evenings with you, strolling in the park or while taking a walk by the beach. right now, he feels alone, as if it's just him and pieces of shared moments with you, lingering in the air.

akaashi hasn't never dealt with loss, but losing you made him lose everything he ever had.

#♡ hues'.#♡ handmade.#akaashi keiji #haikyuu #akaashi x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu akaashi #haikyuu angst #akaashi angst #haikyuu fic #akaashi fic #haikyuu headcanons #akaashi headcanons #haikyuu drabbles #akaashi drabbles #hq angst #IM SORRY FOR ANOTHER ANGST #IN MY DEFENCE I CANNOT COME UP WITH ANYTHING ELSE #also this sounds monotonous me thinks

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cvlutos · 1 year

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"Fall of the Blade"

| Repost: 02.01.23 | 1.5 K | Rated PG |

Samurai!Akaashi K. X Emperor!GN!Reader X Samurai! Bokuto K.

T.Manor.Notes: I wrote this years ago, so this is a rewrite of one of my old posts.

I guess it’s painful.

Watching the blood soak the once-white bandages. While the war still raged on beyond the small medic tent. The man’s face scrunched, covered in sweat, trying to ignore the pain in his shoulder and arm. The shouts and yells of servants, deafening and panicked, while the royal doctors try to save the life of your most loyal Samurai. Yet the truth is obvious as when the sun rises from its slumber. He can no longer fight. He can no longer protect you.

Watching destiny take the things you love.

“I am resigning you from the army. I don’t want to argue anymore about it. You can’t wield a bow, nor a sword. You’ll only get in the way.” Your voice is harsh, but you need to be harsh, to get the fact to remain in his head. He can’t fight for you.

Maybe if I was less selfish with those I loved.

Watching the world crash within your tired gunmetal blue eyes. Watching as the 12th arrow missed the intended target. Again. And again. And again. While you watch, unable to conceal the clear pity within your eyes as he fails to prove that he can protect you once again. Watching the bow string snap and the longbow clatter to his side, sweat dripping off his pale skin. He pants for air, exhausted. Trying to find the words to prove you wrong, trying to justify his actions. ‘Time.. I just need time…’ You can only shake your head, a frown across your lips. With his useless arm and shoulder, time would do nothing but age him. Yet you still drop to your knees, bowing lower than you should, until your forehead is pressed against the dirt.

Like a dog.

“I just want to be of service to you, My Lord. Please… I’m… I’m begging.”

Maybe if I cared for your self-worth more, then my wanting for you to be alive.

Keeping your stern expression, an exhausted sigh leaving your lips, you turned away. “We’re done here.” A warrior who cannot fight isn’t a warrior at all. Is what you should’ve said. Is what you wanted to say, to crush his dreams. For him to simply become the type of man to give up. Yet he doesn’t. He won’t. Not once does his kind eyes reflect any malice towards you. As if able to see the internal struggle, to see that you truly do care for him. Thus, his loyalty is unwavering.

Until a year later.

“My Lord. May I present Bokuto Koutarou? The son of a well known Samurai located west and one with exceptional talents. He will be your new bodyguard.”

Staring down at the younger man with black and white hair and piercing golden eyes. From where you sit, you could tell that he was kind and wouldn’t hurt a fly. Yet while training, he surprises you, his strength unparalleled to others. Simply amazing. Slicing through the air with ease, performing a sword style you had never seen in battle.

Yet your loyal samurai didn’t like him. Any interaction was fake. Any smile, greeting, conversation. Completely forced. Mocking each other. To others, they say a mentor and student relationship, a blossoming friendship that would rival no other. Yet you knew better. Keiji could never be the man he used to be, not within this lifetime.

And Koutarou would never live up to Keiji. Not yet, but he would serve well to protect you. It was infuriating to be stuck upon a scale and to know that you can’t step off unless deemed unfit due to your inability to control your personal emotions. You are merely Lord, an Emperor upon an ever-growing empire, and such simple matters of silent rivalry aren’t something you’re allowed to partake in.

══════ ♡ ══════

Slowly gliding the brush against the paper, writing a letter to the General about further plans involving the war that was happening north. The war in which wounded Akaashi. The room of your study is silent as you keep to your thoughts.

“It must be tiresome. To spend the day writing letters.”

Bokuto broke the silence. You nearly jump out of your skin, forgetting his presence since he’s usually talking your ear off. Yet today, he’s been quiet. You move the brush from the paper, glancing at the samurai. He sits lazily, leaning against the wall. His gaze focused on you as one hand rested inside his black yukata, partly revealing his bare chest, his right hand resting on his katana hilt. You think over the phrase before turning back to the paper.

“Sometimes,” I glance at him with a small smile, “but you must get tired of fighting or having to constantly protect someone.”

“Not when it’s you. I get to protect my Lord.” There’s a hint of seriousness that forces a silence over us. The tension slowly thickens with something he desires from me. Something I cannot give. You don’t move when you hear him move to your side, sitting down next to you, and you turn your head, eyes widening. He’s close. His breath fans across your lips. Slowly closing the distance.

A soft sound of someone clearing their throat bursts the bubble surrounding you. You snap your gaze to the door. Akaashi stands with his brows furrowed, staring at you before glancing towards Bokuto before bowing.

“Pardon my intrusion, My Lord—”

“No. No, it’s fine.” You clear my throat, slightly embarrassed, and offer a small smile, while Bokuto snorts. Akaashi sends a quick glare before looking back at you. “My Lord, the children have been practicing their bow skills, and they wish to show you.” Your eyes widen and you nod eagerly, placing the brush to the side. Rising from your seat and quickly following beside Akaashi. Bokuto follows, much to Akaashi displeasure. The walk to the train hall is long, but you make do with a lot of small talk. It isn’t often you get a moment alone.

“I’m glad you didn’t throw away archery permanently, Akaashi.”

The archery of the palace children have gotten better since the last time. Each excelling in their own speeds, it’s impressive as each bow to you after their demonstration, before gravitating to Bokuto who cheers them on happily. He’s well beloved, and you watch with a tiny smile, while Akaashi stands by your side.

“It’s my passion, of course, but there is something I wish to show you. I’ve been creating a one-handed sword method.”

Jealousy.

Replacements.

War.

Love.

Lust.

The sound of your guard’s katana clattering against the dirt floor skidded towards your feet. You shouldn’t be surprised, yet you are. Your gaze flickers to the scene before you. “I win...” Muttering softly, Akaashi pointing the blade closer to his neck, Bokuto cradling his cut hand, having lost.

“It seems the one sword style even out powers the most skilled.” You mutter under your breath before picking up the discarded sword. Much to your servants’ dismay, you silently wave off. You clap and congratulate the two.

“Both of you are amazing—Bokuto, let’s go take care of your hand.”

“Akaashi, is your shoulder alright.” A few servants scurried forward, taking care of Bokuto’s hand, while I moved closer. Yet he rejects your advances. “I’m fine.”

They both walked off in different directions. Bokuto’s pride hurt while Akaashi seemed to swell in it. Placing the katana in its sheath, turning on my heel and heading back to my chamber. A soft sigh leaving my throat.

They were each other’s weakness yet strength.

“My Lord, you will have to soon marry—There is a beautiful girl from the North. This will unite the North and the South! This war can’t continue to go on.” Crossing your arms, staring at your personal advisor. Who has been begging you to marry for as long as I can remember.

“I’ll meet her,”

“My Lord, please thin—You will!?” Ignoring his baffled look, a smile crossing your lips and softly nodding. Even if you weren’t in love with her, you had to think about the future of your empire. Even at the cost of your happiness and theirs.

Showing you the ink painting. She really was beautiful. Blackish blue hair and blue grayish eyes and porcelain skin and rosy pink cheeks. She had a neutral expression but kind eyes. Kiyoko Shimizu, a wealthy daughter of the Karasuno Empire. “My Lord. Are you sure? You don’t have to do this...”

Akaashi bowed in front of you, his voice quivering. Bokuto off to my side, his brows furrowed together. “It’s already final.” Tensions between the north and south seemed to grow, and with you not being pure blood and simply adopted into the royal family, it worsens. This is the only way. Even if it hurts them.

“My Lord...”

Bowing lower than you should.

“Get up, Akaashi. My decision is final.”

Like a dog.

I didn’t intend for my life to go this way…

Watching Kiyoko walk closer to you with a small smile, she seemed happy. Taking her hand within your own, placing a soft kiss on her cheek.

I don’t think you planned your life to become this way either.

Bokuto.

Akaashi.

Don’t look at me with such sad eyes. With such yearning as I married her. As I would grow old with her.

“I’m sorry.”

#t.manor.writings #haikyu x reader #haikyuu au #Haikyuu angst #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu scenarios #haikyu x gender neutral reader #akaashi keiji #akaashi keji x reader #akaashi angst #bokuto kōtarō #bokuto koutaro x reader #bokuto angst #hq angst #hq x reader #hq akaashi #hq bokuto #t.manor.au

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kita-shinsuke-whore · 2 years

Text

"I didn't sign up to be disrespected by someone i lowered my standard for"

TW: Angst, Mentioning their ex's name.

Character: Osamu Miya, Sakusa Kiyoomi, Akaashi Keiji, Kita Shinsuke.

Osamu Miya.

- You met him at a volleyball event when both of you were in third year of highschool.

- Both of you are now working at his Onigiri Restaurant.

- Everything is fine until one day, you accidentally made a mistake with a customer's orders and the customer humiliated Osamu infront of other people.

"I'm so sorry, Osamu. I accidentally gave him the different orders. I know it's my fault but please forgive me. I will not repeat the same mistake", you said to him as he is ignoring you for the whole day.

You tried to make his feelings feel better and wrapped your arms around his arm but he pushed you away roughly.

Your back bumped at the table and you groaned in pain. "Ouch, Samu. I told you I'm sorry! I didn't meant it", you said.

"Listen here, Y/N. I didn't sign up to be disrespected by someone i lowered my standard for! You know what? Hana was better than you and i regretted meeting you".

The horror feelings in your heart and slowly aches. "What?...", you asked, but all of your feelings mixed. All you want to do now is to throw up your gut and leave.

"Hana may be better than me, but at least I don't sleep with your brother.", you said, and takes off your apron then walked away. Osamu tried to call for you but little did he knows, that will be the last time he would look at you.

Sakusa Kiyoomi.

- Both of you are childhood friends and you're the one who confessed to him.

- Both of you are living together with your parents permission and both of you really love each other.

- Until one day, he arrived home angrily and hoping he could just go to sleep but he actually forgot that that night was his mother's birthday.

"Omi, you're home", you said but the clock is showing 12 in the midnight. "Hm", he said. You wanted to tell him that his mother is worried and disappointed with him not visiting her after 5 months but knowing he is angry and might need rest.

"Omi, do you want anything? Dinner? Drinks? Massage?", you asked him as he threw himself on the sofa. "No.", he said. You looked at him and decided to ask him about his mother.

"Omi, your mother called me. She asked if you can visit her this weekend? It's been 5 months, love.", you said while making him a cup of cappuccino.

You heard him sighed and walk towards him with his coffee. "You know, today is her birthday? Her wish is to meet you.", you comforted him and help him to take off his trench coat. "Can you stop talking for a second? You're pushing me and I'm trying to find some time to spend with my family too, okay?", he said. The air suddenly get tense and awkward and both of you are in silence. He takes a deep breath, standing up and leave you alone but while he is walking away, he said something with full of sarcasms, "I didn't sign up to get nag by someone I lowered my standard for. Shouko is better than you, at least she is not pushy like you".

Tears rolling down from your cheek and you wipes it. "I'm sorry, I know i sound so pushy but you should know, Shouko ignored your mother who was in hospital when I'm the one who was by your mum's side 24/7", you sob and run into your room. He went silent after realising what he just said to you. You're right, Shouko never visited his mum who was in the ward for a really long time and she even kissed someone elses infront of Kiyoomi. The night he found out his ex cheated on him, he ran to your house and you even gave your shoulder to him to cry on.

"Y/N, open up. I'm so fucking sorry. Baby, please open

the door", he said. He heard you crying inside of the room and he feels like his heart is dropping. After one hour waiting for you outside of the room, you opened up the door and walked out. Sakusa who fell asleep outside while leaning against the door was shocked and wake up. "Y/N darling, you're finally out! Are you okay?", he hugged you. "Who knows?", you said. You go to the living room and he followed you from behind. "Why are you following me? I thought I'm not your standard?", you smiled to him. "I'm really sorry, please don't leave me." .

"Oh don't worry, I won't. But maybe you should get someone who can reach your standard. I'm just a rebound for Shouko, aren't I?".

Sakusa was too stunned to react that he only can say, "No".

"I called your mother and told her that you were busy. I can't do this anymore, Omi. I love you so much until I realised I'm the only one who cared about this relationship than you. You only put all your stress from works on me. Before I leave, I have another wish for you".

"What is it, Y/N?".

"Please be by your mother's side. I'm afraid you will regret for not spending time with her.", you said. Then you take your luggage and walk out from the apartment. Sakusa just realized that he made such a big mistake for letting go someone who is so special to him.

Akaashi Keiji.

- Your parents and his parents are friends and both of you are in an arranged engagement.

- You like him so much but him? He never show any efforts in trying to make the relationship better.

- You're the only who tried hard and he did see your efforts but his heart is still belong to his ex girlfriend that he had to break up with just to marry you.

The day of both of you married arrived.

"You looked so beautiful, Y/N!", Bokuto said. He mesmerized your looks wearing the wedding dress and even takes your pictures from every angles.

Everyone is happy to see the wedding is happening until an incident happened. You were walking on the aisle until the flower girl stepped on your veil and ruined your hair. Akaashi who is waiting, sighed and goes to you, saying, "I didn't lowered my standard for someone who ruin my wedding day. Sizuka is better than you, I shouldn't leave her in the first place". Somehow, his whisper is too loud that every attendees heard. Everyone was shocked and your tears are rolling down your cheek. You ran away from the wedding hall because you can't bear the embarrassment that he said until Akaashi's father slapped him. "You moron, I wanted you to marry her because your lovely Sizuka was found sleeping with your goddamn uncle and pregnant so she wanted to use you as the baby's daddy. I'm so fucking disappointed with you, Keiji", his father yelled.

You take random taxi to bring you away and no one see you after a week. Akaashi was dumbfounded not knowing anything about his shitty ex and dialled you multiple times to come back. But sadly, you deserve a better man so you humiliated Akaashi by rejecting his proposal after you came back after running away.

Kita Shinsuke.

- When I said this man is so obsessed with being such a perfection, Im saying it with full of blood pressure.

- You've been dating him for one year and everything was going well. Although you're afraid to do mistake infront of him, you still love him.

- One day after everyone received their last exam results, you get a good result until you realise you have failed a subject that is known as Arithmetic. Oh god knows how nervous you are going to be.

- You thought you can run away from Kita until you see him who is waiting for you at the school entrance to go home together.

"May I see your exam result, darling? I'm curious because i know my darling studied hard for this exam and will get good result", he said while patting your head.

You gave him the marking papers and his eyes scanned on the paper. He was smiling for knowing how well his girlfriend did until his smiled suddenly dropped.

"Why do you failed Arithmetic? Don't you know it's the hardest subject to fail? You didn't study enough for this examination didn't you?", he asked.

"I did, Shin. But i think Arithmetic is just not for me...", you said. "Well, it seems like laziness suits you. I didn't lowered my standard for someone that can fails Arithmetic. Hanako can pass all subjects easily and make me proud. But you? Such a disappointment.", he said. You didn't realize how your tears rolled down but you know how hurt you are because of this bicolour haired boy's words.

"Sorry for being a lower ass standard but at least i didn't fucked my teacher to get a pass", you said to him. He suddenly realised what he said and you ran away. He tried to chase you but you're gone so far away.

He called you but no answer. He sent long texts just to say sorry. He even goes to your house but no one's home. He feel so devastated but has to give up. Suddenly, Aran called him.

"Shinsuke, what have you done?", Aran's voice boomed his eardrums.

"Why?", a short reply comes out from his mouth.

"Y/N is here with me, crying as if tomorrow will never comes and she looked like she's going to faint sooner if she doesn't stop crying by now", Aran's worried tone suddenly makes adrenaline rush into Kita's blood.

"Waitt, wait for me. I'll come there as soon as possible", he said. He looked at the time, 6:00pm. He prolly can reaches Aran's house before 6:30pm but right now, rush hour is happening. The only way he could reaches to his house is by...using a bicycle that takes 28 minutes.

He went home, took his grandma's bicycle, and rushed to Aran's house. His sweats trickling down from his forehead and stung his eyes.

After 28 minutes, he rushed inside Aran's house and look at Y/N hugging Aran on the sofa with her face buried into the pillow. "Fuck Shinsuke, don't make me sleep with Mr Fukura to get an A in Arithmetic like Hanako did.", Y/N complains.

"Don't. Please don't", Kita runs away towards Y/N and hugs her with his head buries inside her neck. Aran slowly gets up to run away but then Y/N pulled his hand and asked him to stay because she still doesn't want to talk with Kita. "I think she still needs time and space you know..", Aran said. Kita lifts up his head and nods. Both of them went to the kitchen and have some coffee when Y/N stands up and announce something that shocks Kita. "Let's break up. I can't be a perfect girlfriend for you. You need to find someone that can reach your standard", she said. "But I don't want to break up with you. I love you, Y/N.", he said.

"But you're controlling me to become a perfect girl to make sure you don't look like you're a perfect guy that were forced to date a dumbass like me", Y/N said.

"Plus, Hanako prolly is good for you. I heard that she is available and mingle. Try her again. Maybe it'll be nice ", Y/N said while grabbing her bag and leave both of the boys speechless and Kita's tears slowly roll down from his cheek.

"I'm fucked up.", he said, as his head lows down.

"You did", Aran replied.

Update:

Hi, I have decided to take away the self harming part from Sakusa's part since I'm afraid that I have triggered some readers. I am so sorry for the bad mistake. Please do forgive me and I promised to be careful in writing.

Thank you for all the supports that were given to me as a new writer in Tumblr.

#haikyuu angst #sakusa angst #osamu angst #kita angst #akaashi angst #osamu miya #kita shinsuke #akaashi keiji #sakusa kiyoomi

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mrs-kodzuken · 3 months

Text

Forgive me if I jump too? ♡

Pairing: Kōtarō Bokuto x fem!reader x Keiji Akaashi

WC: 2.3k

Genre: angst to slight fluff (comfort)

CW: 3rd pov omniscient, fem!reader, switches to 1st fem!pov nearing end, poly relationship, suicide, suicidal thoughts, death, blood (kinda descriptive) angst to semi fluff (comfort) at the end

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

The day felt as if it wasn't ever going to end for (Y/n). She trudged her way home, feeling more numb than usual.

She promised herself that it wasn't going to be today, that she could continue being 'happy'.

But hell, she didn't even know what being happy felt like anymore. Her two special boys came to mind, and no matter how much she tried, she couldn't shake the feeling.

Regret.

(Y/n) tried so hard to be strong, to live, and to actually be happy. However, it seems as if the world didn't care.

She looked up at the moon from her bedroom window. The stars shone so brightly, as if they knew what she was going to do that night.

A small, horrific smile graced her lips as she thought of the peace she'd feel when she was gone.

Opening her window, she could feel the breeze dancing through her hair. She wanted to feel that again, and even though it was late—practically almost three in the morning—she climbed out of her window.

When she took her bike, the one she used to ride so much, memories filled her head as she peddled down the road.

She knew exactly where she wanted—no, needed—to go.

(Y/n)'s heavy breathing filled the cold air around her, pinching her lungs. She calmly walked up the staircase of the abandoned building.

With each step she took, she felt more and more at peace. It was as if she could just float up them.

When she reached the top, she pulled out her phone.

The electronic light lit up, giving her a view of her wallpaper. It was between her lovers and her; they had gotten ice cream on that hot summer day.

Kōtarō had accidentally dropped his, making Keiji share, only because he wanted to.

She immediately started a call with the two of them. wanting to hear their voices once more. Just once.

Keiji had heard the noisy mobile device wake him from his slumber. The caller ID showing 'my owls', he instantly picked it up.

"Hello? (Y/n), Kō, what are you two doing up?" Keiji's groggy voice filled the air.

"I wasn't up," Kōtarō finally said sluggishly, not wanting to be scolded this late.

"Sorry, I couldn't sleep." (Y/n) lied straight through her teeth to her boyfriends.

"Do you need us to come over? Is something wrong?" Bokuto's voice perked up.

"No, no, I just wanted to hear your voices one last time."

Those words grabbed Akaashi's attention, making him get a hold of his senses.

"(Y/n), what do you mean by that? Where are you?" He got up in a rush, grabbing a hoodie and shoes shoving them on quickly.

"Our roof top, ours, but it doesn't matter. Not anymore. Just know that I love you both so much." She could feel the tears welling in her eyes and the lump in her throat growing making her voice sound funny.

Bokuto had already woken his parents up to try and get to (Y/n) before it was too late.

"(Y/n), baby, please stay on the line, please." The desperation and begging in Bokuto's voice grew with every word.

"I'm so sorry, but you know that I will cherish everything we have." She sniffed, her voice breaking in the most saddening way.

"What about always and forever?" Akaashi had already stormed out of the house, running frantically to where she was. He needed to stall her.

His throat was burning, but he refused to cry; he wanted to believe they could save her.

"Sadly, always and forever, I will not be in this life. but I hope to meet you both in our next one." She moved her feet closer to the edge.

Looking up, she saw the night sky twinkling so brightly.

"I love you so much, Keiji, Kōtarō. Take care of one another, would you please?"

Bokuto had been yelling for her to stop her movements and for the car to go faster.

Akaashi slowed his steps, breathless. He begged her to stay over the phone.

A small 'I love you' escaped her lips before she backed away, getting a running head start.

She flew off of the building like an angel, her phone still with her. The air surrounding her sounded like whispers, giving her chills on her way down.

Her body hit the pavement and a loud, sickening sound erupted from the phone. Blood almost immediately seeping out of her delicate skull.

The grotesque sound was the last noise from the other end of the phone call before it was ended when it landed.

The pain radiated through Keiji as he was on his knees, tears flowing down his cheeks as he painfully let out a scream.

Bokuto refused to believe that she was dead; he wanted to marry her, and Keiji said that it would happen one day. She had to be alive. She had to.

His eyes filled with tears as his heart felt like it was ripped out of his chest.

'This isn't fair.' Both of the boys thought heartbreakingly. It was unfair.

As the late car neared the building, the headlights shone on her body. It was now lifeless and covered in blood, her neck bent in a weird shape.

Gasps were heard from Kō's parents.

Bokuto ran out of the car, almost instantly taking her dead, mis-shaped body into his arms.

"Please come back, please come back," he whispered over and over, cradling her bloody, lifeless body to his.

Bokuto's mother gasped again, sharply, at the state of his girlfriend. She immediately called an ambulance; however, it was too late.

Her blood had seeped into his clothes, making the crime scene look even worse.

Keiji finally had the strength to continue his saddened walk, pushing himself off the ground.

His sniffling came about in the cold air. He neared the building, seeing Bokuto cradling her body.

As he walked closer, the harsh pain in his throat grew, and the empty pit in his abdomen was increasing.

Keiji crouched down once again, his head in his hands.

He started blaming himself, thinking he should have kept a better eye on her. She would still be here if he had.

"Kōtarō, sweetie, please let go.." His mother hiccuped, not wanting to finish the sentence.

Meanwhile, his father had been on the phone with Akaashi's parents, (Y/n)'s parents, and the hospital.

"No, I can't," his voice, now rough, cried out, clenching her body to his.

The remembrance of her last words had been running through both of their minds.

A loud siren sounded, flashing lights of blue and red coming closer to the horrific scene.

It's been a week since (Y/n) (L/n) committed suicide. The skies have been covered in a dreary rain since then, and the mood was damper too.

The walls of the Fukurodani Academy were almost silent. However, no one had been affected the most by her death except for two people: Keiji Akaashi and Kōtarō Bokuto.

A week full of despair was what it was.

Once again, the sky clouded over, preparing itself for the heavy amount of rain it was going to release once again.

The boys had hardly shown up to school that week, much less practice. Being in each other's embrace without (Y/n) was too much. Too heartbreaking. Too sickening.

While it was the end of the school day, Akaashi had sat on the steps of the school when everyone left.

An empty feeling inside of him became impossibly stronger—numbness.

He was overwhelmed by his anxiety and fear most of the time. Due to his life without (Y/n) he didn't care about his future nor his grades.

She was his future, and now she was gone.

He just couldn't take it anymore. Keiji had unknowingly walked to the building where she once stood.

Letting the cold, shivering rain wash over him, trying to soothe him.

He finally let it out a long, painful scream sounded through the air and the harsh rain. He started releasing his tears, sobbing loudly, it being covered by the rain.

Pulling out his phone, he texted his last living lover. It was simple: I love you. It would do the job.

Unknowingly, Bokuto had been visiting the building every day because it was the last place you were.

He needed you like he needed air.

While he walked up the stairs, he got a ping from his messages. Not seeing the double meaning behind Keiji's text, he replied.

A horrible, sinking feeling filled him.

He opened the door to see Akaashi fall from the edge of the building. His eyes widened, reaching out to him, but he was too far away.

Kōtarō held his hand near his chest, putting his head down. It was as if electricity had struck him.

It wasn't fair.

He had lost both of his love ones in a span of two weeks. It wasn't fair; he put his hand in his hands.

"Will you forgive me if I jump too?" He said this to them, hoping that they'd heard him from wherever they were.

The sudden realization sparked in his brain: if he goes, he'll see them.

He yearned for them—their life, their touch, their happiness. For them.

Kōtarō walked and looked down at his lovers body. the rain flooding his body making the blood it stream downward. It was a mess, a horrible mess.

Flashbacks of the same thing happening to (Y/n) surfaced his mind. He swallowed harshly, letting his tears mix in with the rain.

Hair flat against his forehead, he decided not to think about it anymore.

He slowly turned around, putting his arms up. Bokuto wasn't thinking of anyone else; there wasn't anyone in the world he would want more than them.

"See you soon."

Kōtarō fell backwards from the building, his heart racing. It all seemed surreal; peacefulness wrapped around him as he plummeted downward.

His body lay close to one of his lovers on the black pavement. A loss of three lives.

An entire new feeling took over his senses. He opened his eyes to see no rain but two people.

They had watery eyes, holding each other's hands, one out for him to take.

Koutarou rushed into their arms, the embrace of his partners relaxing him.

No words were spoken except "Always and forever, right?"

I felt peace surround me, as if all my worries were taken away.

Accessing the situation in front of me, my body lying in a disgusting manner. I mentally gagged; I did look horrible when I fell.

I watched my lovers arrive at the scene, but when I saw them, a dreadful feeling came about.

One week.

Their deaths are in one week; I'm not sure how or why, but I knew. It was more than a feeling, and I hated it.

I had been watching them this entire time; I even went to my own funeral, which was kind of a power move in my opinion.

My partner's tears weren't something I liked to see, though. The days of school that they skipped, the lack of practice.

I didn't mean to cause them any pain; I just wanted to be selfish for once in my life.

I hoped that they'd be strong together, so they wouldn't die yet. However, every time they did see each other, they would burst into tears almost immediately.

Sighing, I sat beside Akaashi, his head in his hands, while he sat on the school steps.

I watched the tears roll down his pretty face, looking away because I knew I couldn't do anything to help him.

He picked himself up, leaving his school bag on the steps. I followed him to the building where I had committed suicide a week ago.

Hearing him break down broke my heart. I'm sure no one wants to see their significant other painfully cry like this.

Knowing what was about to come, I headed down the steps. I wanted to meet him there.

I froze when I saw Kōtarō; he was on his phone, which lit up his face. His eyes were a bit red, and I could see the flushed aftermarks from his tears.

Peeking over his shoulder as I heard his phone ping; it was a text from Akaashi. It stated a simple, 'I love you.'

My eyes widened as I booked it around the building.

When I came around, I saw Keiji's body fall off the building. It almost looked as if he was smiling.

I quickly tore my eyes away from him as his body cracked on the ground.

Looking around, I was met by a frantic-looking Keiji.

Running up to him, I embraced him in a longing hug. Tears pricking my eyes because I was met with him once again, but he had died. He died because of me.

"Keiji," I said, burying my head into his chest as he squeezed my body close to his.

"I missed you so much." He cupped my face, salty tears running down his face.

"I missed you more." I paused, hearing Bokuto say something from the top of the building.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Kō; he's coming." I buried my head in his chest once again, not wanting to see his death either.

When I was sure he had fallen, after I got over the horrible noise his body made when colliding with the ground, I peeked my eyes open, seeing him.

He engulfed us both in a hug as I felt our bodies trembling at each other's.

"Always and forever, right?" I heard Bokuto say, his voice muffled.

"Always and forever," Akaashi and I whispered back.

Now I knew why I hadn't moved on when I died. I was waiting for them. But now that they're here, we could all finally start a better life together in the afterlife.

Cherishing each other's boundless souls.

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

a/n: this is from my book “Haikyuu x Reader One Shots” on Wattpad! I hope you enjoyed it you angsty readers and let me know if you have any requests!!

the header is made by me, please like/reblog if used <3

#haikyuu bokuaka #bokuaka #haikyuu angst #haikyuu suicide #bokuaka x reader #angst to comfort #haikyuu bokuto #haikyuu akaashi #akaashi keiji #bokuto kotaro #bokuto koutarou #bokuto x reader #akaashi x reader #akaashi angst #hq akaashi #hq bokuto #hq angst #angst with a happy ending #haikyuu x reader

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boyfhees · 2 years

Text

🗗 LOVE AND OTHER CHALLENGES | k. akaashi

precis. a tale of you and akaashi intertwined in strings of marriage and yet experiencing love for the very first time. or maybe, it's second.

genre. arranged marriage, friends to lovers, fluff, minor like very minor angst, humour ( wc. ≃ 5.37k )

warnings. fem ! reader ( sry bffies ) characters are aged up, some smooching at the end so slightly suggestive, mentions of food, lmk if you find anything else !

note. very impulsive, very self indulgent, very much word vomit, i dont know what this is please i was half asleep when i wrote eighty percent of this so bear with me. i'd still tell you to read this, though. missed my sleep for this so you better reblog :‹ also this whole thing would make a tad bit more sense if you know the meaning behind all the flowers mentioned here :›

it’s been a while since you last saw akaashi.

well, that is if you ignore the fact that he’s sitting right in front of you, next to his parents while your parents are sitting next to you, the fragrance of strawberries and vanilla spinning in the air along with soft giggles and fluttering gazes.

there’s a bouquet of irises, daffodils and certain other flowers you couldn’t seem to identify resting in one corner of the table. the clinking of glasses and spoons is distinguishable above the faint melodies of tchaikovsky’s playing in the background. but above all raises a question, one that pulls both you and akaashi out of your trail of thoughts.

“do you want to talk among yourselves?”

oh yes, please.

and with one nod at his mother, you both excuse yourselves to a table resting in the last corner of the restaurant, away from everyone’s eye. well, away from your parents’, at least.

“so how have you been?” is the first thing akaashi says, after thirty minutes of marriage discussion between both the families.

you smile. “good, i suppose.”

silence.

you can swear you and akaashi were better than this in high school. well, to sum it up, your conversations never ended with an awkward silence back then; and that would’ve been the case if you were sitting in front of him right now, meeting him like, five years later, thanks to an arranged marriage proposal brought up by your parents.

“are you—”

“so—”

you both speak in unison, a series of laughter following soon after as you feel the atmosphere lighten.

“you can go first.” he offers, and you gladly take the proposition.

“are you okay with this?” the question catches him by surprise. honestly, you too think it’s a little awkward to bring it up abruptly. however, your parents are sitting a few tables across, probably guessing the names of their grandchildren, and you were never the type to beat around the bush. “i mean marriage, keiji. i know you didn’t expect to see me years later just to get married, none of us did.”

another set of silence follows, but this time it’s not awkward. probably because you’re expecting the rejection. and honestly, who wouldn’t? even if it were you in his place, you would refute the proposal, despite the fact that you two have known each other for years or whatever. however, his next words leave you wondering if your ears are working perfectly or not.

“i am perfectly fine with it,” he says shooting you a sweet smile, one that stirs a familiarly unfamiliar feeling in your stomach.

“you don’t have a girlfriend?” now, this is when you lose your composure, coming out as an idiot to him but being your friend for years at least made him realize that ages ago.

he chuckles. “what makes you think i do?”

“only fools reject that face,” where’s the lie? anyone who has seen akaashi ends up with two conclusions. one, he already is in a relationship and second, he’s not interested in one. anything apart from those two seems out of character and overall, just doesn’t make sense.

your brows furrow as he lets out a playful laugh, averting his eyes to the window next to your table. and you notice the way his eyes crinkle up into a crescent shape, his blue irises peeping through the gaps.

“it’s not funny, keiji.” you deadpan. “as much as i’d like to marry someone i know, i also want you to be comfortable with this relationship. i know this can be hard for you so please, be honest.”

he nods at your words and it seems so sarcastic, as if he finds humor in your concerns about a relationship that isn’t even official yet.

“what about you?” you look at him with a curious gaze. “is it not hard for you to marry someone you don’t love?” and oh boy, where do you even start from?

“i had a crush on you back in highschool.” that is everything that takes him to look at you with eyes wide open, his heart accelerating a little for an unknown reason.

and talk about timing. before he could utter a single word, you see both of your parents approaching the two of you. you feel your cheeks heating up a little because of the recent confession and if you’re not wrong, if your eyes aren’t deceiving you, then there’s a faint tint of rose dancing on akaashi’s cheeks too.

“did you talk?” your mom asks

“we did,” you reply with a smile, taking a look at akaashi before setting your eyes upon your parents again. “however, we need a little time to decide.” you could hear the dads whispering, an unnoticeable frown resting upon your mom’s face which you manage to notice easily.

“that’s fine! we’re not running out of time, are we?” and that’s a blatant lie. time might not be a problem, but akaashi is. and knowing him, he has several contradicting thoughts about marriage. you’re not trying to be a ‘know it all’ about him, but as someone who has witnessed him paying no attention to romantic aspects of life, you can at least guess that the major reason behind this proposal is not your mother, but his mother who probably complained about her son’s lack of interest in love.

you shoot her a thankful smile, finally bidding your goodbyes before akaashi interjects the departures.

“wait,” he interrupts a little too loudly, having a few stray gazes floating at him. “i’d like to marry y/n.”

and there’s only one way to describe your amusement — the woman was too stunned to speak.

“oh god, this sounds like one mov—”

“kaori.” you cut in through his rambles about how much of a love ridden movie your life sounds like. “this is not a movie, it’s my life. i’m having a crisis over here!”

“what’s the issue, yn?” the atmosphere gets heavier for a second. “didn’t you want to date akaashi?”

“i wanted to date him, not marry him, especially after years of no contact!” you whine in a hushed manner, afraid that your mother will hear you. “besides, i have a feeling this won’t work.”

“you can start by dating, though.” she suggests. “look, it’s not like you both are complete strangers. plus, akaashi seems to like you— platonically i mean— and that’s better than marrying someone you’ve never heard of in your entire life.”

well, that’s true.

“yeah, i know—” and then you hear your mom calling you downstairs, an exhausted sigh escaping your lips. “mom’s calling, let’s talk later.”

you rush downstairs, only to see akaashi sitting in the living room with a bouquet of pink camellias and a saccharine smile dancing on his lips. and you remember asking ‘didn’t we meet just two days ago’ to yourself before greeting him with an soft ‘hello’ and taking a seat next to your mother.

“i was wondering if we could catch up a bit,” you look at him with pure amusement. a part of you is panicking because your parents are right here, hovering their gazes over you and akaashi as if he’s asking you out on a date.

unless, it actually is one.

“of course, she can!” and you hate it when your mother answers the questions meant for you. “she has nothing better to do except reading that weird manga the whole day.” too much information, mom, too much.

however, you’re glad she doesn’t remember the name of the manga. because imagine calling a manga weird when the writer is sitting right in front of you, and is about to marry your daughter in a few weeks.

anyway, you excuse yourself to your room, shuffling through the closet for a decent dress, applying light makeup for the sake of looking presentable. you almost call kaori again before realizing that you certainly have better fashion sense than her.

you rush downstairs once again, this time with a slightly flustered face because what if you don’t look good? however, the look on akaashi’s face says otherwise.

“you look gorgeous.” filter, keiji, where’s the filter. your mom giggles under her breath, eyes your dad about something you fail to figure out. your parents are more excited about your marriage than you, and it makes you wonder if marriage is just a plan and they just want akaashi in their household. ( let’s be honest, they always liked akaashi a tad bit more, only because he doesn’t read manga all day, but who’s gonna tell them? )

not a word is shared after that. both you and akaashi walk out as he offers you the flowers he bought, you assumed they were for your parents.

“so, how have you been?” this time, you break the ice, striking up a conversation which doesn’t feel as awkward as the one held two days ago.

“i’ve been working on a new manga so things are a little hectic,” he replies, leading you inside the bakery down street, pulling a chair for you to sit on. “but besides that, everything is good.”

and it’s the manga once again. you chuckle, scanning through the menu. “i wonder how my mom would react if she knew that her favorite boy writes manga.”

“let’s not tell her that,”

and then what follows are the beads of laughter and tales about all the years you’ve lost. you learn that bokuto plans to ask his partner out, which is some kind of ‘big boy decision’ if phrased in bokuto’s words. akaashi tells you about a certain yellow haired setter— and he’s not the point of the conversation anymore. it’s his brother, all because akaashi loves the onigiris at his restaurant. and that’s the only lovesick expression you’ve ever seen on his face.

akaashi being a love sick fool for miya onigiri. yeah, sounds about right.

“we should go there someday,” he offers, more like he’s saying you must go because he loves that place and you would too. “you know, after getting married.” now that, you didn’t expect that.

“i still don’t get why you want to marry me.” and it’s an honest question. people may call you a fool for trying to sabotage your seemingly perfect future married life, but you aren’t taking risks. well, that’s what we learnt from all the mangas we’ve read, right?

he sends you a blank expression, trying to hide his smile. “because you like me?”

“don’t bring that up!”

“are you embarrassed?”

“stop!” you cover your face with your hands, trying to calm your heart down. you’re regretting confessing to him that day. and thinking about it now, it was another one of your impulsive decisions that you regret. “besides, i liked you.”

a dramatic gasp escapes his lips. “so you don’t like me anymore? what’s the point of getting married then?”

oh, and you’re sure he’s teasing you, so you decide to give into his little games. “let’s say it’s because of the mangas.”

another trail of laughter follows, another series of both of your hearts skipping a few beats, another piece of memory floats into your mind. you recall how you and akaashi met in a comic store, wanting to buy the recent edition of a manga that had only one copy left. so just like any other smart person, you both divide the price, proceeding to read it together at the nearby park.

that day, you arrived home late— very late. so late that you received an earful from your mother. but you could care less. that was the best manga reading session you’ve ever had, and even better than best meet cute or whatever they call it in the stories.

and just like that, the morning passes by in usual conversations. suddenly, akaashi doesn’t feel like a stranger anymore. well, he never was, but meeting him two days ago made you feel like you aren’t meeting the keiji you once knew. there was an unfamiliar haze in his eyes, and even though you knew the person sitting in front of you, you didn’t feel like knowing him at all.

however now, there’s a familiar smile on his lips, one that made you fall for him, a knowing glint in his eyes, one that made you drown in his eyes every time you looked into them. the fuzzy feeling in your stomach returns, and you thought it was easy to bury someone’s feelings.

“do you really not have a girlfriend?” you tease the question again as you both walk out of the bakery.

“i don’t, yn!” he whines. “how many times should i repeat that for you?”

“oh c’mon, a crush, maybe? there’s no way you don’t have someone you like.”

“you’re right, i do have a crush.” a pause. you didn’t expect that. or maybe you did, that’s what you’ve been wanting to hear, because there’s no way the akaashi keiji doesn’t have a crush. so why is your heart aching so much? “but i’m marrying you, so it doesn’t matter anymore.”

and there it is again, the butterflies and all, and an eye roll initiated by you. you don’t know what to do, but one thing is for sure— akaashi has a crush, he’s marrying you, so in short : your relationship won’t work out.

that’s how you muster up the courage to speak your next words. “let’s call off the engagement.” you look at him with dull eyes, still managing to pull a pleasant smile. “don’t give up on the one you love for me.”

it hurts so much, you’re sure saying that took ten years from your life span.

“hm, is that so?” and then you see him inching closer, one hand resting on your shoulder while the other reaches out for your hair, making your heart pick up a higher pace. on the cue, he pulls out a leaf stuck from your hair, taking a look at it before setting his eyes on your again. “i don’t think i’m giving up on the one i love by marrying you.”

and then you zone out for a good ten minutes.

“i hate him, kaori! i hate him so much!” you yell into your pillow— her pillow, actually, while she’s sitting on the other side of the bed, watching you exhibit animal behavior ( her words, literally )

she sighs for the tenth time. “do you, though?”

“gosh, i’m in love with him!” you exclaim into the pillow again, squealing and giggling like a five year old kid who got her favorite figurine in her happy meal. you’re sure you hear her saying ‘pick a struggle’ but honestly, you’re busy thinking about akaashi to even respond to her.

you were such a fool to think it was impossible for old feelings to return. well, it’s just a family gathering. what could go wrong? you remember concluding this the day you were getting ready to meet his family. and much to your surprise ( or maybe not ) everything that could possibly go wrong, went wrong.

it took you everything to not call akaashi hot. wait, actually, akaashi has always been hot. the girls in high school didn’t fawn over him for nothing. but akaashi keiji, 22, shonen manga editor who has been publishing mangas under a pen name is hot.

in those five years, akaashi had the glow up ( again, not like he ever needed. more like glow ups need akaashi, really ) and that’s when you knew that ‘it’s impossible for your feelings to return’ was bullshit, because the moment he stepped in, your heart started having a field day with those damned butterflies.

“i don’t know what he means by that, though.” you sit up, looking at your friend who’s painting her nails, tired of the mess that your life is. “he says he loves someone, but he’s also not giving up on them by marrying me. what do you think that means?”

kaori sighs. “you’re so dumb, it baffles me.”

“hey!” you slap her arm, pouting at her response as you slide under the covers. “whatever, i’m going to sleep.” another lie, because bold of you to assume you could sleep when you have akaashi keiji hovering all over your mind.

kaori’s right, maybe you’re stupid. it’s really stupid of you to marry someone who clearly has a crush, someone who clearly harbours feelings for someone and oh god, you feel so selfish. but maybe that’s what love does to you. for once, you think, being selfish isn’t as bad as people make it to be. after all, with love comes several other challenges, and one of them was making him fall in love with you too.

oh, well, everything side, you need to sleep. that’s the most difficult challenge right now, considering your brain won't stop playing the previous events with akaashi.

nothing helps, you need to be brainwashed.

how does one even fall so deep in love that it’s hard to sleep?

anyway, you make your way to the balcony, careful to not wake your friend up as you slip into your cardigan. you wonder if it’s actually colder than usual, or if it’s just your mind. maybe it’s just your mind. because you look at the sky, the moon looks prettier, the sound of wind hustling through dry leaves feels like music to your ears. you pull the cardigan closer to your body, a smile dancing on your lips. however, a notification from your phone interrupts your sweet moment.

akaashi :

you should sleep — 3 : 37 am

you :

how do you know i’m not sleeping? — 3 : 37 am

akaashi :

look to your right :) — 3 : 38 am

and then you see him waving from a distance, standing next to a lamp post as a faint gasp escapes your lips. you run downstairs, cursing as you almost drop one of the antiques resting on a table in the living room.

“what are you—” you’re cut off by akaashi wrapping his scarf around you, a wisp of air emerging from his lips.

“you should stay warm.” he whispers, cheeks adorned by dust of red tints because of the cold winds engulfing the two of you. “and you should sleep, too.”

you chuckle at his words. “you’re one to talk.” chortles back, offering you to put your hand in his as you both begin on your little stroll.

it’s cold, it really is. you feel the cold breeze penetrating through your silk trousers, and you curse yourself for thinking it would protect you from the temperature outside. march has never been this cold, but no one can predict weather, can they? all you can say is that you’re glad akaashi’s holding your hand inside the pocket of his jacket, a faint blush waltzing on your cheeks as you smile against the soft scarf.

it smells of calendulas, a fragrance almost similar to how you’d describe home. akaashi always had a sublime taste when it comes to fragrances.

“what are you doing here, though?” you ask when you finally recall the reason why you hurried downstairs anxiously.

“is it wrong for me to see my fiancée?” he responds with a smirk, eye you through his peripheral gaze.

you take it back when you said akaashi feels familiar. he does not. seventeen year old akaashi didn’t have the confidence to tease you about everything you do. to be honest, it was the other way around. and you can imagine him saying, ‘oh how the tables have changed’ with a smug grimace. you wonder if he has been spending time with kuroo or one of the miyas.

“is your mom aware that her son is out here with his fiancée instead of sleeping?”

“she wouldn’t mind,” well, he’s right. “she really wanted us to get together ever since high school.” and you feel your cheeks heat up at his words again. actually, scratch that, it’s not the words. it’s the cold.

yeah, it’s definitely the cold. because nothing else seems plausible.

“you’re flustered,” his words pull you out of your thoughts, your eyes wide open at his statement. “do i fluster you, yn?”

such a tease, you curse in your head. “you? fluster me? the delusion is high.” and you’re such a liar for speaking those words as if they’re nothing but the truth.

you both stop in front of your house— again, it’s kaori’s house. he looks at you, you look at him, and the time freezes. there’s a comforting sensation in between you two. while everything around is shivering in cold, the calloused moon watches your heart melt at his sight. you wonder if it’s obvious that you’re still in love with him, even after all these years.

“and when i do this?” he steps towards you, inching closer as his head dips down towards your lips, halting a few centimeters away. your heart is pacing infinitely, as if it’ll jump out of your chest. if that wasn’t enough, his hands find refuge on your waist, pulling you closer than you already are.

and you’re only thinking about kissing him when he chuckles, stepping back, leaving you perplexed with a flushed face. “i think you should go back.” and that’s all he says before bidding you a good night as you watch him walk away through the dimly illuminated streets.

you smile.

maybe sleeping isn’t on tonight’s list.

the next week almost feels monochromatic.

you haven’t even heard from akaashi. no calls, no texts, let alone hanging out together. while he has quite a tight schedule considering the busy person he is, but you couldn’t help but wonder if he’s spending time with the so-called person he has a crush on.

the calls from his parents don’t stop, though. his mother hits you up every one to two days, asking if her son is treating you well, and you couldn’t help but just smile and say that yes, he is. well, you certainly can’t tell that you haven’t heard from her son in three days now, and everything makes you feel a little anxious about the marriage proposal.

so, even when reading manga doesn’t seem to calm you down, you decide to seek comfort in an old friend.

“just so you know, yn,” he says after much consideration, taking a sip from his hot chocolate. “akaashi isn’t the type to play anyone, especially you.”

“i know,” you sigh, resting your arms on the table in front of you. “but i’m scared.” he puts his hand above you, rubbing soft circles on the back of your palm in an attempt to provide you solace.

tanaka would know something about love, considering he spent a major part of his life pinning over kiyoko. and if there’s something you learnt from his story, it’s persistence. a major part of why you are still willing to have your shots at akaashi is tanaka and his forever inspiring story regarding his love life. ( honestly, it’s something he’s very proud of )

“hey now c’mon, this isn’t the yn i knew in university. cheer up!” you smile at his words, receiving one back in response too. the universe may have deprived you of a potential love interest but it definitely gave you the best friends you could ever ask for. “shit— i have to go. but call me if you need anything, okay?”

and with that, you both walk out of the little shop, him bidding you a soft goodbye with a kiss on your temple before hugging you, something that you appreciate a lot.

they say that if things are set to go wrong, they will go wrong. there’s no stopping. just like now, when you turn around, your eyes rest upon akaashi as he stares at you from across the street. only ten seconds are left before the signal turns green again, and it makes you feel like you’re hanging on the edge of a cliff; only ten seconds to pull up, ten seconds to save yourself, and after that is just an empty void.

but you’re smarter than the girl running across the road in front of you. you’ve always been the smarter one. so you pull out your phone, dialing the number on top of your contact list.

a few rings pass, the signal turns green. akaashi picks up.

“keiji i can ex—”

he cuts you off. “let’s talk later.”

a bus passes by, and akaashi is no longer in front of you.

day five without akaashi.

both the families are busy with the preparations and now that the engagement date has been finalized, tons of responsibilities have been bestowed upon you.

however, everything feels like it has been built upon a pillar of lies. you’ve been tiptoeing around your friends and family, making sure you don’t make it obvious that there’s a huge misunderstanding between you and akaashi. something that can ruin everything.

so, you keep feeding everyone with lies, a little too afraid that you'll make one mistake and you’d shatter everything into pieces.

you’re not sure when the later comes for him. but every second ever since that incident feels suffocating. the thought about calling off the engagement slides into your mind. a part of you agrees. you can maybe postpone the engagement, at least. while another part of you keeps telling you to text akaashi.

maybe you should, maybe you shouldn’t.

what if he’s busy with work? what if he’s busy with someone? well, what happened that day gives him a perfect reason to not marry you and instead, spend his life with the person he truly loves.

and you keep staring at the ceiling, sighing occasionally before your mother comes in.

“yn, are you busy?” you roll your eyes. if staring at the ceiling is considered working then sure, you’re busy; very busy. “keiji’s here.”

suddenly, you aren’t busy anymore. hundreds of questions flood into your mind as you send your mom out of your room, proceeding to fix your look before following her ghosted steps.

“um, my mom sent some takoyaki for you,” you’ve never had a more awkward conversation with akaashi before. you smile, the takoyakis are appreciated, but the flowers in the bouquet are not. you wonder if he actually picked a bunch of yellow carnations with a few daffodils because of their meaning or if he randomly chose them because they’re pretty.

you wish it’s the latter one.

there’s nothing left to say. so you mutter a soft thankyou before leading him out of the door, the atmosphere beckoning that there’s something that has to be addressed before it’s too late. and so, you take the initiative.

“he’s just a friend,” you break the ice, making him look up at you. “tanaka, i mean. we’re close friends. he’s married.”

akaashi doesn’t say a word. all he does is nod before taking his leave and driving away from your place. you wonder if you said something wrong. but there’s something you don’t know, and it’s the smile on his face that accompanies him through his drive back home.

time feels slower when he’s not around.

it’s hard to not panic about the situation when you told him everything, and all he did was nod and leave as if nothing really matters anymore. you can hear kaori calling you dumb for thinking this, but what if he’s in fact disappointed that you weren’t in a relationship, all because he couldn’t be with his crush?

maybe you are dumb, especially for making akaashi sound like worst of the antagonists in those romance mangas.

i need to see him. you whine again and your eyes settle on the scarf he left you almost a week ago. a pause in your inner monologue. yeah, you need to see him.

“it’s 10 pm.” is the first thing he says after opening the door, offering to come inside. you raise your brows looking at his apartment, which is a little too spacious for someone who has been living alone.

“i just wanted to return this scarf,” he takes the bag from your hand, mumbling something along the lines of ‘you could’ve returned this tomorrow.’ but honestly, a scarf is just an excuse. “by the way, thank your mom for the takoyakis,”

“for sure,” he doesn’t even look at you because his eyes are too busy typing something on his phone. you wonder if it’s the love of his life.

“so how are things between you and your crush?” he looks at you with eyes wide open as if he doesn’t know what you’re talking about. and you feel so stupid for asking that.

“we didn’t talk for a few days but i met her today so we’re good,” he responds with a sweet smile and you can swear, it sounds a little too familiar for some reason.

a trail of silence fills in the room along with the fragrance of hot chocolate that’s emerging from the kitchen. you’re left wondering if you should still agree to this whole proposal. he seems happy with her, you think. and despite all the years you’ve spent pining over him, you have no right to ruin their relationship.

your heart aches, but it’s fine as long as he’s happy.

“you know,” you speak, taking the cup from his hand. “i’d love to meet her some day.” you notice him trying to hide his smile as he takes a sip. and you wonder if there’s something funny about this situation.

“she’s here, as we speak.”

your brows raise in astonishment. “really? where?”

a chuckle escapes his lips— one that you fail to notice— as you whip your head around, looking for her. akaashi thinks you’re cute, especially for being impossibly clueless.

he places his cup aside as he leans against the counter, pulling you closer by your wrist before resting his hands on the corner of your waist. “right in front of me.”

“oh,” and then you look at him with a stunned expression. “wait, what?”

and then cue him laughing at your face as you look at him in disbelief. you step away from him, still processing the situation, because akaashi did not just watch you make a fool of yourself for over a week straight, not only in front of him but also two of your friends. ( your friends don’t even count, honestly. they’ve seen worse )

“i hate you, keiji!” you exclaim, smiling uncontrollably at the relief that sets upon your heart, because no matter how much of a prank it was, the ‘crush’ really did have you on your toes.

he laughs. “do you, though?”

“shut up!” yes, and you still regret telling him about your crush on him that day. to be honest, you regret it even more. “and what if i tell you i cried myself to sleep everyday because of your silly prank?”

he shrugs. “i’ll make it up to you,”

“how?”

and all he does is pull you closer once again, capturing your lips with his as his hands rest on your hips, smirking as you kiss back right away. you’re mad, you really are, but you can never be mad enough to not kiss him back, and snake your arms around his neck, pulling him deeper into the kiss.

it feels euphoric the way his lips move in synchrony with yours, fitting like puzzle pieces. akaashi tugs you closer by your waist, a faint gasp escaping your mouth that dissolves immediately into your breaths mingling together.

he pulls back, much to your disappointment, looking at you with love sick eyes and dust of pink sprinkled on his cheeks. “is that enough?”

you press your lips into a thin line, pretending to think before planting a soft kiss on the tip of his nose. “hm, not sure. let’s do it again and then i’ll see if i can forgive you.”

akaashi smiles, kissing you again, this time with a much slower pace as the moonlight graces you both with it’s magic. he tickles your neck, a series of giggles spinning around as you pull back, playfully slapping his arm. he stares at you for a brief second before reaching for your lips once again, mumbling a gentle ‘i love you’ against them as you give dwell into the kiss once again.

and you remember thinking, maybe you shouldn’t forgive him at all.

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