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possibly-a-table-or-just-gay · 1 year

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I Had All And Then Most Of You, Some And Now None Of You

"This is a horrible idea."

Alador shifted awkwardly on his feet, mumbling to himself. What in Titan's name was he doing here?! He should be at the house, with his kids. Not standing on his exes doorstep like a stray dog. He wasn't a teenager anymore. It was about time he fucking accepted that already.

Fuck it.

Chapter: 1 2

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Dumb little fic that wouldn't leave my head, my moots are already well acquainted with it (sorry besties). This was my first time writing fanfic so just please be nice lmao.

Thank you @theninjabozo & @genderlessjacky for helping me with this, ye are the best.

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"This is a horrible idea."

Fuck it.

He slammed his palm against the ornate doorbell, the sharp ding ringing in his ears.

Immediately the instant regret hit him like a ton of bricks. Guilt and shame rising up in his gut, he swiveled on his heel and began legging it down the driveway. It wasn't too late. He could leave now, whatever was left of his self-respect still intact.

Until he heard the door handle turning and saw the light from inside cast his shadow in front of him. His breath hitched in his throat, his entire body screeching to a halt.

"Alador?"

He turned around to face the speaker like he was waiting for an endless berating, wringing his hands.

Standing in the doorway was Darius Deamonne. He was dressed in a luxurious looking bathrobe, clearly not expecting company at this hour. His face was creased into a confused frown, not that Alador could blame him.

The accused felt his face flush and stammered to explain himself.

"Uh, um H-hi-"

Darius' expression softened for a split second. Titan, this was low, even for Alador's standards. Ah well, no going back now.

It was just past midnight. Hunter had gone up to bed. Whether he managed to sleep or not was up for debate, but with how he had dragged himself up the stairs, yawning and stumbling, Darius was willing to bet the little prince was out cold.

With Eberwolf retiring to their room down the hall early, Darius was left alone downstairs. Normally he valued beauty sleep above all else, however tonight he couldn't bring himself to turn in for the night.

Leaning against the kitchen island, aimlessly scrolling through Pentstagram, the ringing of the doorbell dragged him out of his thoughts. Mother Titan, he thought he told that short pig thing trying to sell him cheap waistcoats to get lost. No advertiser had the right to rock up at his door at this time, surely.

Grumbling, he wrenched open the front door, words of annoyance his tongue. They caught at the back of his throat however, when it was not a ludicrously irritating salesman greeting him.

"Alador?"

Darius saw the guilty look in his past lover's eyes, the ashamed way he forced himself to meet his gaze. Alador's entire body shook as he scrambled to find an excuse.

Glancing up at the overcast sky, a tell-tale sign of bad weather, he huffed a sigh through his nose.

Darius didn't do pity, but he wasn't cruel.

Turning around he gestured over his shoulder for the witch on his doorstep to follow him. Upon seeing in the corner of his eye Alador standing stock-still in shock, he reached behind him and yanked the man inside by his wrist, just as the pitter-patter of boiling rain started to fall.

"You can sit."

Alador gingerly perched himself on the lush purple couch, not sure if he was entirely welcome.

"Do you still drink coffee?"

Darius looked his guest up and down, noting the deep eye bags and tired posture.

"Nevermind, looks like you've had enough of that to last a lifetime."

Alador's cheeks tinged pink with embarrassment but he didn't deny it.

Setting two freshly brewed mugs of goreberry tea on the coffee table, Darius took a seat opposite Alador. After sipping their tea in silence for a few minutes, he decided to cut to the question that hung over the living room like a dark cloud.

"What are you doing here, Alador?"

Darius asked, in the gentlest voice he could muster.

His guest squirmed uncomfortably, his eyes darting across the room as if he could find a dignified excuse on the picture frames decorating the walls.

"I um, I didn't- I dont- I- "

He looked down at his feet, avoiding Darius' eyes.

"I didn't want to be alone... again..."

Darius frowned.

"Don't you have a wife?"

Alador laughed hoarsely.

"Yeah, she's dead to me now. I'm done with her bullshit."

He kept his eyes focused on the floor.

"I spent most of my marriage in the workshop. I worked there, I slept there. I don't even know my kids anymore. I've wasted my life attached to that woman."

"......"

"In the end, it was my choice, wasn't it though? I could have stood up to my parents, could have grown a backbone. Could have stayed with you."

Darius felt his throat block up, like the wad of emotion he had thoroughly stamped down for twenty years had taken a physical form.

"I don't deserve it. Whatever they've given me is more than I earned. I never saw them grow up. Never saw them change, become independent. I'm not worth their forgiveness."

A tear rolled its way down Aladors face and as much as he tried to quell them, they kept coming.

Darius awkwardly stood. Tears were never his strong suit. He sat down next to his old sweetheart, murmuring soft words of comfort.

Alador laughed again, if you could even call it that.

"And here I am, a grown man, crying in his exes living room. Titan Darius, I'm sorry I- "

"I don't need your apology."

The words came out harsher than intended, but there they were.

Darius sighed.

"Are you okay?"

It was a pointless question, but one that needed asking anyway.

"No, not really."

Darius wrapped his arm around Alador's shoulders, Alador just barely rested his head on Darius' chest and for a second they were teenagers again, not knowing who they were, where they were going but naively clinging onto the hope they'd do it together.

"I'd better leave. I've taken up too much of your time and energy already."

Darius firmly shook his head.

"No. It's pouring rain outside. I can't send you home in this weather."

And I can't send you home to an empty bed.

That last part went unsaid for the sake of dignity but Darius knew from the twist in the pit of his stomach it was true.

Reaching forward and grasping Alador's hand- Titan why had it been so long since he'd done that? -he lead the man up the staircase.

Something made him completely bypass the guest room and lead Alador further down the hall, arriving at the door to his own bedroom. He turned the door handle as slowly and quietly as he could, praying to the Titan Eber was asleep. If they heard this he would never hear the end of it.

"Make yourself comfortable, I'll be back in a minute"

Alador didn't make a sound, just kind of looked stunned, like he was a bird that had just discovered glass the hard way.

Darius softly padded downstairs with the intention of grabbing a glass of water but instead found himself sitting on the arm of the couch, feeling the weight of the impulsive decision he'd just made.

Was he actually doing this? It wasn't too late, he could go back on it now and-

No. Alador needed this, and even though he would never admit it to himself, Darius wanted it too.

Making his way up those stairs again, he took a deep breath, and stepped over the threshold into his bedroom.

Alador was asleep, his breathing heavy and slow as he was curled up under the covers. Darius climbed in the other side, with his back to the other witch.

And well, he wouldn't ever say it, but something about... this made that night the best he'd ever slept.

"It's getting dark."

They had been there for hours, talking about nothing. It didn't matter, they were young and in love. Nothing mattered because they were together, the entirety of the Boiling Isles could have been ablaze but all they cared about was that his head was in Alador's lap, the breeze that tousled Alador's hair was warm and they were the only people in the world.

"What are you thinking about?"

"I think- I think I love you."

Darius felt his face grow warm.

"You don't mean that."

"I do. I think so anyway."

Darius laughed, which made Alador grin.

"Yeah, that's so reassuring."

"Do you think- Do you think when we're older, we'll get married?"

"... do you want that?"

"... I don't know."

"Neither do I. But do you know what I do know?"

"What?"

"I know that I love you."

He reached his hand up and gently held Alador's blushing face, moving one of his fluffy locks behind his ear and before either of them knew it, they were kissing and they were the only people in the world again.

Darius awoke, that familiar feeling already settling in his stomach. Disappointment. He should be used to it by now, it had been decades, but every time those stupid memories floated to the surface, every time reality came round to break the fantasy, the emptiness always felt as fresh as all those years ago.

Groaning, he turned over to face the empty sheets but-

Oh.

Right.

He wasn't sure how he managed to get so lost in his head to not notice the arms wrapped around his torso, or the soft slow breathing against his chest.

Rolling onto his back as quietly as possible as to not wake the witch sleeping at his side, Darius closed his eyes, trying to ground himself back to reality again. Taking deep slow breaths through his nose, he absently combed his fingers through Alador's fluffy mane.

He heard the thumps and bumps of people moving around downstairs and let them melt into the background, focusing on the little slice of comfort he was in right now, until he remembered-

"FUCK."

Darius sat bolt upright, throwing the duvet off himself and practically flying out of the bed.

"Shit. Fuckfuckfuckfuck Mother Titan- Mother-fucking-Titan-"

Alador clumsily sat up, squinting sleepily.

"Dare? What's..."

Scrambling to find his slippers, Darius almost didn't notice Alador using the old stupid nickname he used to make a huge show of pretending to not like. Almost. He let it slide, for the time being they had bigger problems to deal with.

"Well, Alador, it seems both of us forgot it was a weekday, which means I have a very eager kid waiting for me to drop him to school at this exact moment."

"... Ah."

"And what happened last night was very irresponsible and impulsive and there is a time and a date to explain that to Hunter, but that time is not now."

Grabbing several coat hangers out of his closet, he leaned back to give Alador his final message.

"So if you could keep quiet and pretend you're not here for a second, that'd be great."

"Uh-"

He slammed the door after him, leaving Alador sitting up in the bed, his brain taking a moment to process what just happened, before-

"SHIT I NEED TO GET THE KIDS TO SCHOOL-"

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@non-bee-knees probably not as angsty as you were hoping, but I hope you liked it!

It'll probably be up on ao3 as soon as I understand how it works lmao-

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