#Alfred

[mindflayer-inc]

World's greatest detective is stumped.

Jason ain't ratting out Alfred, that's for sure.

#batman #jason todd #red hood #alfred #batfam #batfam dynamics

[thesuperheroesnetwork]

Texts From Superheroes

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#Comics #Batman #Catwoman #Alfred #Christmas #DC #DC Comics #TFSH #Texts From Superheroes

[laxxarian]

Danny swore he was napping under a tree at the park so why is he sitting at a dinner table along with other kids inside a mansion?

Answer: Danny was mistaken as Damian who was also napping under a tree

The kids didn't notice but Alfred and Bruce did, the three were staring with questionable looks

#danny phantom #batman #alfred #batfam #dpxdc

[hellsitegenetics]

I’ve come to make an announcement: Shadow the Hedgehog’s a bitch ass mother fucker. He pissed on my fucking wife. That’s right, he took his hedgehog fuckin' quilly dick out and he pissed on my fucking wife, and he said his dick was THIS BIG. And I said “that’s disgusting!” So I’m making a callout post on my twitter dot com: "Shadow the Hedgehog, you got a small dick, it’s the size of this walnut except WAY smaller." And guess what, here’s what my dong looks like: PFFFFFFFFGJT. That’s right baby. All point, no quills, no pillows, look at that it looks like two balls and a bong. He fucked my wife so guess what, I’m gonna FUCK THE EARTH. THATS RIGHT THIS IS WHAT YOU GET, MY SUPER LAZER PISS. Except I’m not gonna piss on the earth, I’m gonna go higher. I’m pissing on the MOOOOOON! How do you like that, OBAMA? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss d r o p l e t s hit the fucking earth, now get out of my fucking sight before I piss on you too!

String identified: ’ c t a a act: a t gg’ a tc a t c. cg . Tat’ gt, t gg c' c t a cg , a a c a T G. A a “tat’ gtg!” ’ ag a cat t ttt t c: "a t gg, gt a a c, t’ t t at ct A a." A g at, ’ at g : GT. Tat’ gt a. A t, , , at tat t t a a a g. c g at, ’ ga C T AT. TAT GT T AT GT, A . ct ’ t ga t at, ’ ga g g. ’ g t ! tat, AA? T , T! a tt-t t t t t cg at, gt t cg gt t!

Closest match: Molanna angustata genome assembly, chromosome: 4 Common name: Hood casemaker fly

#tumblr genetics #asks #sent to me #requests #real time fandub #alfred #eggman #sonic the hedgehog #snapcube #fly #insects #bugs #long fuckin thang

[gzeidraws]

Dimitri outfit swap with Alfred, but it just looks like two Dimitris 😂

#fire emblem #fire emblem engage #fire emblem three houses #alfred #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #alfred fe #dimitri fe #outfit swap #fe17 #fe engage #fe3h

[deaddovedecadence]

What would platonic yandere Batfam do if reader got sick and fevered to the extent that they just didn’t understand what was going on? Would they use this to their advantage?

Oh fuck yes, they would. I’m going to tell you how each one of them would do it. This will be taking place in something I call the sunshine verse aka the mob au verse

Alfred: He’s so gentle. You don’t realize that you’re slipping in and out of reality, telling you the entire time that you’re safe, that you’re loved, that you belong here. You will not see him drug your food, but he might, if you don’t let yourself get better

Bruce: He tells you that he’s your father, you call him dad in a fever weak tone and he smiles, all predator. You do not see how makes the world small, you’re too sick for that.

Dick: Dick is the one that twists everything that makes it your fault, that tells you you’re supposed to trust them, that you’re supposed to let them care for you. He makes promises that you won’t remember whe you wake up he holds up anyways

Jason: Gets locked in his room because otherwise he’d try to kill most of his siblings. He remembers the way that dick used to be with him when he got sick and he is terrified of that happening to you. He can’t stop it and that’s the worst part

Cass: Really likes helping care for you while you’re sick because then she doesn’t have to force you to be calm. Almost wants you to stay sick so that she can take care of you more often

Tim: Got you sick in the first place. He noticed it starting to happen and just kept pushing you and pushing you until you broke because it’s more useful to gently break yo then force it

Duke: Duke keeps you on their lap, humming lullabies and just holding you through your sickness even when you want to run away and hide from the rest of the world. They are the person you trust and go to so this sickness really reinforces that for you

Damian: dunks you in the pits after you offer him a pitbull

#yandere #platonic yandere #yandere platonic #batboy tag #dark batfam #batfamily #dark batfamily #yandere batman #yandere batfam #yandere batfam x platonic reader #yandere batfam x reader #yandere batfamily #alfred #yandere bruce wayne #bruce wayne #yandere dick grayson #dick grayson #jason todd #yandere tim drake #tim drake #yandere cassandra cain #cassandra cain #duke thomas #yandere duke thomas #damian wayne #yandere damian wayne

[deadsetobsessions]

Bruce didn’t come here often. Perhaps that was terrible of him but he couldn’t bear to visit his son’s resting place. It was difficult to equate his high-spirited son, bright as the sun itself and endlessly brilliant despite the more he grew up in, to the cold and lifeless stone engraved with his name and words that did not encompass everything his son was to him.

His hands were full of flowers, Jason’s favorite books, a round rock, and his son’s favorite foods.

Bruce didn’t come here often, because it broke his heart even more when he did, but today was a day that love and grief triumphed over his need to avoid.

He walked down the winding pathway, Alfred a silent sentinel behind him. He hated it, but he understood. Today was the only day Alfred allowed himself to be emotionally closed off. He’d lost a grandson.

Bruce didn’t come here often, but his son’s birthday was a day Bruce would remember how to love and live again, just for Jason.

“I will be over here, Master Bruce.” Alfred stopped at his designated spot, where Bruce had added a bench and a draping tree to shade Alfred as he stood vigil.

The first time they’d- it was April, and the sun- after the funeral, Bruce was lost in the throes of grief and had kneeled over the freshly tilled dirt for hours. Alfred had stood there, in that same spot, in the city’s rare blazing sun until Bruce came back to himself.

Bruce had almost lost his second father that day, and what good was wealth if it could not prevent that? And so, water, shade, a bench, and a space heater was added.

Bruce knows better than anyone how stubborn Alfred can be, when it comes to matters of the heart. After all, he didn’t have to raise Bruce after Martha and Thomas died.

“Alright, Alfred.”

Bruce splits from the haggard butler with pointed looks at the water bottles he’d prepared for today for Alfred (who manages, this time, a faint but amused raise of an eyebrow) and walks towards Jason Todd’s grave.

Here where his son is buried, the grass is kept green. In April, Forget-Me-Nots bloomed and dotted the place where Bruce’s world collapsed with bright colors. In August, it is still green, but the tin engraved with the names of the deceased stood out without the flowers.

Bruce kneeled and quietly arranged the flowers before placing them in the tin. He set the platters of food down and uncovered them. The scent of chili dogs made his heart stutter, flashes of a bright smile and book references blinding Bruce with their nostalgia.

He swallowed, grief building, and placed the stone he’d brought atop the gravestone. He sat back, gripping Jason’s book with white knuckles.

Bruce didn’t turn around when clothing rustled behind him. Alfred would have verbally cut down anyone that dared to approach them today, especially here. That he didn’t do so was telling of who it would be.

“I’m still mad at you, for not telling me as soon as you knew.” Dick Grayson sat down, hand over one of Jason’s school bag pins he had carefully attached to the front of his jacket.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“He deserved better. I should have been there.” Dick whispered, placing another bundle of flowers into the tin. It fit, but barely. “I would have dropped everything to come find him. Even if it wasn’t on time, even if it wasn’t enough, I deserved to be there when he was buried. We were family.”

“I know.” Bruce repeated, no less regretful. In his grief, he had wronged his loved ones. “I’m sorry.”

Dick casted a quiet, assessing eye at him. Bruce stayed quiet.

“It’s too dreary,” Dick said. He took out paints, little statutes of robins, bright birds, and bits and bobs Bruce knew Jason would have loved had he been alive out of his pockets.

“It should be more colorful,” Dick murmured as he placed them artfully against the headstone.

They sat there, for a while. Dick glanced at… at Bruce’s hand, and settled down.

It’d been a while since they’ve spoken, but he knew what the man intentioned to do today. This will be the most Dick will have heard Bruce speak outside of his civilian obligations.

Bruce took the cue and gently opened Jason’s book. He’d bought it for Jason- the first gift- and he’d read it to Jason every night. Dick had a similar book.

“Call me Ishmael. Some years ago- never mind how long precisely- having little or no money in my purse…”

——

A boy with black hair and blue eyes wandered amongst the graveyard. They’ve been here for a while, and the man’s low rumble was soothing to listen to. The shades that hung about the graveyard settled as he read out loud from the book as his son sat quietly beside him.

As the boy, invisible and intangible, brushed his hand against the gravestone, he wondered why they were reading to an empty grave.

——

Dick had left long before Bruce did.

And when it was time to go, as stars began to climb and as the cold began to nip at his fingers, Bruce heard a quiet voice.

“Do not stand at his grave and weep,” and Bruce turned, recognizing the poem. “He is not there. He does not sleep.”

But there was no-one.

#dpxdc #but it doesn’t have to be #me (24 days ago): lol let’s write angst for fun #me (now and not prepared for the angst that i personally wrote): yo wtf #batman #Bruce Wayne #bruce Wayne’s shitty coping skills #except for on Jason’s birthday #Jason Todd (‘s grave) #Jason Todd #Alfred #alfred pennyworth #dick Grayson

[bet-on-me-13]

Clockwork is a Halfa.

So. Clockwork is one of the few Halfa's in existence. He usually stays in his Ghost Form, as in that form he is disconnected from Timr and can better oversee Existence.

But he does have a Mortal Form. He hasn't used it in Eons, or maybe it was centuries? Time is weird for Beings that exist outside of it.

Whatever the case, it's been a while since he has entered his Mortal Form.

But he suddenly finds a reason to need it. Danny has decided that he wants to try out Reincarnation, and he will not let his son live a life away from him in a completely different Dimension. It's far too dangerous!

So, he enters his Mortal Form, inserts himself into that Dimensions Timeline, and waits for Danny's Reincarnation to be Born.

Now, who is he in DC? Well, what Character is a constant guiding hand to the protagonist? A wise old mentor to their Son? A calming force that always seems to know how to help his family? A man famous for his Otherworldly Cookies?

Clockwork is Alfred.

He took a Mortal Form so he could raise Danny's Reincarnation, Bruce Wayne.

#Dpxdc #Dp x dc #Dcxdp #Dc x dp #Danny Phantom #Dc #Dcu #Batman #Alfred Pennyworth #Alfred #Clockwork is Alfred #Clockwork is a Halfa #Bruce is Danny reincarnated #Clockwork decided that Danny would not be left alone in his new life. #He wants to protect his Son no matter what #Bruce has always felt like Alfred's cookies are too good to be made by a Human #He was right #Maybe Ellie is reincarnated as one of his Kids? #Ellie is Cassandra Cain #Cass is just already so cool and I want her to be even more of a gremlin

[sheiyavlad]

Supersons as parents part 3

(i know no one asked for this but these'll keep coming i have so many ideas lol)

#fanart #dc #damian wayne #robin #jondami #Jon kent #supersons #superboy #Superman #Batman #Batfam #Alfred #Bruce Wayne #Supersons fluff

[reapervows]

theres only one thing in that tiny brain of his and i refuse to believe that it’s anything other than other men (and their muscles). we all know what you are alfred.

#fire emblem #fire emblem engage #diamant #alear #alfred #my art #fe engage #fe17

[zefirart]

Fell Céline and Alfred

#fire emblem #fire emblem fanart #fire emblem engage #fe17 #fe engage #fe fanart #alfred #celine #céline #FIRENE SIBS MY BELOVEDS EVEN WITH THE DEPRESSION SMH CRANKED UP TO THE MAX #If u think “huh haven't i seen alfred before?” u did but i fixed up something bothering me w the og so he gets put here again

[novie0120]

🦇🐱

#dc comics #dc universe #dcu #batman #batfam #damian wayne #damian al ghul #robin #Alfred #alfred the cat #my art #digital art #:) #this was so fun

[thesuperheroesnetwork]

Texts From Superheroes

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#Comics #Batman #Alfred #DC #DC Comics #TFSH #Texts From Superheroes #Batcave

[destinyisall-tlk]

the last kingdom + alignment chart (insp)

#the last kingdom #thelastkingdomedit #sigtryggr #eysteinn sigurðarson #osferth #ewan mitchell #finan #mark rowley #sihtric #arnas fedaravicius #uhtred of bebbanburg #uhtred ragnarrson #alexandar dreymon #ragnar ragnarrson #tobias santelmann #aethelstan #harry gilby #aethelwold #harry mcentire #alfred #david dawson #kjartan #alexandre willaume #edward #timothy innes #aelfweard #ewan horrocks #gifs #edit #mine

[confused-wanderer]

Alfred is badass and has unuasual skills even for a batfam member.

Inspired by pandaredd’s skit where Alfred says “Bond wishes he was me”

The man is the caretaker of the bat family, he has raised every damn member, and has seen more than his fair share of wars, doomsdays and worse. He is a butler. And god knows what else in the spare time. All I imagine is that if a teenage Bruce looks up at Alfred and whispers he wants to train, Alfred might be the one who gives him contacts.

Alfred:

Bruce:

Alfred: .. wait here master Bruce, I know you won’t even listen to what I’m saying so I will let you learn the arts. Only under one condition though, I choose your trainers

Teenage Bruce: Alfred, whom would you-

Alfred *already on the phone* : Hello there Lee

Teenage Bruce *wide eyes* *mouthing* : Rock Lee??

Alfred *scoffing* : what world do you think we live in! Be more realistic Master Bruce.

Bruce: .. so who is it?

Alfred: Bruce Lee.

The scariest thing about the butler is that he will take you apart in less than a blow, and he doesn’t even need weapons. He will however use them just for fun.He can still hear if Bruce or any of the batfamily sneaks around, he’s been the only one who somehow knew Cass was in the room and offered her snacks while she was hanging upside down from the ceiling in the pitch black and overall has better instincts to locate any of them in the mansion than a GPS tracking system.

When supervillains, nosy reporters or even crooks try to break into the Manor, the fact that no one installed a security system should’ve really been a warning point that the Waynes had other.. deadlier security.

By the time Jason comes home he sees Alfred cleaning up the carpet, but doesn’t miss the wrinkled edge of the sleeve. It is only then when he looks to the other room and the criminals are all sitting in time out, each a truly remarkable shade of blue, black purple and green he’s never seen in real life. And none of them were even bleeding.

Alfred also has insanely fast reflexes. And to everyone surprise, he is an bloody good shot. Green arrow was once testing out a new arrow and it accidentally whizzed past the target and almost hit the cat when out of nowhere Alfred caught it and snapped it with one hand. And then proceeded to borrow a pistol and shoot the target while walking to the other side of the room, not even sparing a glance at the bullseye he had hit. All the while holding a tray of glass bottles that hadn’t moved a single inch.

He’s given advice to Jason on how to make explosives out of everything and nothing, taught Dick how to cut a tree in half with one kick, showed Stephanie how to always win Russian Roulette, guided Damian on how to break bones without ever leaving traces, taught Tim how to mimic someone’s voice and be scarily accurate, and so much more. Once on live television the world saw Alfred eat three cookies and refuse to pass them to Bruce Wayne before saying “They’ve been poisoned” and throwing them away. A few people swear they heard him mouth “bloody amateurs” afterwards and he insisted he was fine, stating that he was already “used to it.”

Whatever the fuck that meant.

And that is why the bat cave is a safer option for batman’s enemies than the mansion. Because if you were caught by the butler, just know that god has already forsaken you.

#batman #dick grayson #jason todd #red hood #nightwing #tim drake #batfam #bruce wayne #damian wayne #headcanons #Alfred pennyworth #Alfred the butler #Alfred #pandaredd #Stephanie brown #spoiler #Cassandra cain #orphan #robin #teenage Bruce Wayne #pandaredd skits #pandaredd Alfred #pandaredd batfam skits

[gzeidraws]

Diamant, Alear, and Alfred enjoying a meal at a sushi bar 🍣 A commission for Raikkun!

#commissions #raikkun #fire emblem #diamant #alear #alfred #fire emblem engage #fe engage #fe17 #diamant fe #alear fe #alfred fe #sushi #modern au #artistree