Tiptoeing through the “Live Free or Die Standing” guest cast
Mercedes Mason as DEA Agent Talia Del Campo
Welcome back Agent Campo after your time on AMC and ABC. Talia was last seen in "The Guardian", part one of the three-part season 10 finale/season 11 premiere. And since we're talking about the three-parter, who killed Ellie Simms?
Rick Pasqualone as Martin Henderson
Does a lot of voices for animated series/films and video games.
Had guest roles in Weird Science, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Kirk, Caroline in the City, Moloney, USA High, Vengeance Unlimited, Days of Our Lives, Love Boat: The Next Wave, Friends, Falcone, NYPD Blue, CSI, Charmed, Without a Trace, Blind Justice, CSI: NY, Shark, Crash, Desperate Housewives, All My Children, Glee, Children's Hospital, The Young and the Restless, Melissa & Joey, Guidance and General Hospital.
Was Cpl. Paul Dafelmair in "Hung Out to Dry" the second ever episode of NCIS. Appeared in three episode of JAG as two different characters, Lt. Kyle in both Smoked and Ares in season one and Capt. David White in season 10's "Fit for Duty".
Trailer/set/post-work photos.
The LL CooJ photo is definitely back!
Goya Robles as Miguel Flores
Plays Yago in Get Shorty and had guest roles in The Mentalist and Power Book III: Raising Kanan.
Did I mention the LL Cool J photo is back?
Dan Gauthier as Carlyle Huntington
Played Lt. John McKay in Tour of Duty, Kyle Parks in Sisters, Kent Atkinson in Muscle, Jonathan Mitchell in Courthouse, Matt Liston in Ellen, Dick Harrison in Beverly Hills 90210, Jeff Baylor in Melrose Place, Kevin Buchanan in One Life to Live and Bruce Cooper in Faking It.
Guest roles include Married with Children, 21 Jump Street, Punky Brewster, Room for Romance, Who's the Boss, Life Goes On, Silk Stalkings, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Winnetka Road, The Cape, Sliders, Friends, Martial Law, Love Boat: The Next Wave, Rude Awakening, Cupid, Jesse, Nash Bridges, Nikki, Will & Grace, Charmed, Still Standing, Oliver Beene, Supernatural, The New Adventures of Old Christine, Lost, No Ordinary Family, Make It or Break It, Hot in Cleveland, The Mentalist and Criminal Minds.
Larry Herron as DEA Agent David Ramirez
Had guest roles in episodes of ER, Lie To Me, Numb3rs, Medium, Cold Case, Criminal Minds, Law & Order: LA, Shameless, Modern Family, Adam Ruins Everything, The Brink, Insecure, Life in Pieces, Snowfall and Animal Kingdom.
Played Master Gunnery Sergeant Jason Kelly in the season 8 "Short Fuse" episode of NCIS
Carolina Gutierrez as Emma Ruiz
Guest starred in episodes of Scorpion, Good Samaritans and The L Word: Generation Q.
Alicia Urizar as Isabella Cruz
Played Amber in Welcome to My World. Guest starred in episodes of Betty White's Off Their Rockers, Longmire, Code Black and For the People.
Was Gabriella in the season 14 finale "Rendezvous" NCIS episode.
The director's chair photo.
Pam Trotter as Loretta Dawson
Guest appearances in episodes of Son of the Beach, All of Us, Boston Legal, My Name is earl, Everybody Hates Chris, Dollhouse, Chuck, HawthoRNe, The Secret Life of the American Teenager, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Austin & Ally, Happy Endings, Wendell and Vinnie, Kirstie, Melissa & Joey, Murder in the First, The Middle, Stitchers, Life in Pieces, The Goldbergs, One Day at a Time (2018), The Goldbergs, The Mick, Superstore, Good Girls, American Princess, Stumptown, Atypical, Good Trouble, General Hospital, Tacoma FD and As We See It.
Sheila Wills as Thelma
Was Angie in B.J. and the Bear, Joan Hopkins in Days of Our Lives and Rita Barton in Generations.
Guest roles include Marcus Welby MD, The Six Million Dollar Man, Kojak, What Really Happened to the Class of '65, Baretta, Switch, Battlestar Galactica (1978), Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, Quincy, Galactica 1980, CHiPS, McClain's Law, The New Odd Couple (1982), The Jeffersons, The Powers of Matthew Star, Webster, Stir Crazy, The A-Team, The Bold and the Beautiful, Cagney & Lacey, Hunter, Family Medical Center, Knots Landing, Shannon's Deal, Swamp Thing, Beverly Hills 90210, 7th Heaven, Scrubs and All American.
Brian Leigh Smith as Bomb Tech Aaron Roberts
Smith returns as Bomb Tech Aaron Roberts from "Mother" but also appeared as a police officer in "Overwatch" and was a wingman in "The Bear" season 12 premiere.
Duncan Campbell as NCIS Special Agent Castor
Was in the first part of the Sunday, May 1 doubleheader.
Written by Eric Christian Olsen who also wrote "Mother" in season 11.
Directed by Daniela Ruah who also directed "Russia, Russia, Russia", "Lost Soldier Down" and "Pandora's Box".
Director's/Writer's chairs.
Team In-Laws.
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Little Homeworld Life chapter 10: From Russia with Hate, Part 1 (originally published on October 17, 2022)
AN: And here we are at our first, and only, big two-part episode of Little Homeworld Life chronicling the return of Jones, Bane Jones. Agent 00014 was a character I thought would be real fun to tackle again, and lo and behold, he not only gets one episode to himself, but two! Speaking of James Bond, this special episode shall take elements from Bond movies like From Russia with Love, hence the title, and The World is Not Enough. If you've seen either of these films, you might get a good idea of what will go down. Now that we have introductions out of the way, let's move on.
Synopsis: Bane Jones arrives at Little Homeworld to recruit Lapis & Amethyst against an alliance between Francis von Bowling and The Sickle.
Cast:
Jennifer Paz as Lapis
Michaela Dietz as Amethyst
Pierce Brosnan as Bane Jones
Estelle as Garnet
Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl
Uzo Aduba as Bismuth
Shelby Rabara as Peridot
Christoph Waltz as Francis von Bowling
Diedrich Bader as Lennie
Wayne Knight as Milton
Amy Sedaris as Teal Zircon
David McCallum as G
Paget Brewster as B
Corey Burton as The Banker
Noël Wells as Black Rutile
Featuring Vladimir Mashkov as The Sickle
With Andrey Batt as Konstantin
Edward Furlong as Pavel
Seth Green as Leo
And Olga Kurlyenko as Tina
--
In an undisclosed part of Europe, the World Defense Agency's finest agent Bane Jones was on another mission. Under the orders of his superior B, Jones was assigned to meet with a European banker and discuss some recent unfortunate events that had befallen a fellow agent of the WDA on the line of duty.
"Ah, Mr. Jones, I was told to expect you." The banker greeted Bane as the agent walked into his office. "So nice of you to come on such short notice."
"Well, if you can't trust a banker, what has the world come to?" Bane dryly answered as he sat down at the banker's desk. "Now then, I trust that you have intel on the death of Agent Craig?"
"Ah yes, that one." The banker replied as he pulled out a cigar to smoke. "You recall the Crystal Gems that everyone has been talking about lately, correct? I can't seem to go a day without reading about them in the news."
"Why yes, I do." Bane responded with a smile. "Lapis and Amethyst are good friends of mine who helped me take down P.H.A.N.T.O.M in Los Diego. Wonder how they're doing these days?"
"Well, that's why I asked." The banker continued. "Word on the street is that von Bowling and his two cronies managed to escape prison, yet again, but this time they had a little help."
"Of course von Bowling escaped again." Bane rolled his eyes in annoyance. "We have got to find a way to lock him up for good and ensure he stays there."
"Back on subject, it would seem that those Power-Hungry All-National Team Of Madmen has allied with the Russian crime lord known as The Sickle." The banker revealed to Agent Jones, much to the agent's alarm.
"The Sickle, you say." Bane wondered as his eyes widened and his eyebrows arched. "And what could those two be doing together?"
"Unfortunately, that was all your friend could gather before his life was forfeited." The banker added morosely before he and Jones discovered a small red dot on the banker's forehead. "What is that, a ladybug?" Smacking at the dot caused two more to appear, much to the banker's horror. "What the? Oh no!"
"Get down!" Bane yelled to the banker, but it was too late. Three bullets were fired at the banker, killing him as his three killers revealed themselves. They were three men in black military garb, one fat, one short, and one lean. These three crooks were quite different in looks, but all of them seemed equally mean.
Though Mr. Jones was briefly horrified by the banker's sudden death, he kept a cool head as he pulled out his gun. "And who might you three be?"
"Ah, Bane Jones, so glad of you to visit." The tall one that Bane immediately deduced to be their possible leader declared warmly, even though he and his cronies had just committed a brutal murder. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am known as Konstantin, and these are my associates Pavel and Leo."
"It seems fate has conspired for us to meet, Mr. Jones." Pavel, who was shorter than Konstantin but far taller than Leo, added. "We originally plotted just to take down that banker and leave, but unfortunately, it seems you just had to get in our way."
"And what a surprise too!" the dwarflike Leo exclaimed. "As I'm sure you already know, our boss, The Sickle, has allied with your old friend Francis von Bowling not just to take you out once and for all, but to destroy those infernal Crystal Gems you're friends with too! I mean, how could you?! Selling out your entire species for those alien cretins who have doomed the Earth more times than I can measure my height!"
"I can assure you, the Gems are good friends and trusted allies of the World Defense Agency!" Bane exclaimed as he prepared to shoot one of the assassins down with his pistol. "Now, I'm normally a gentleman, but hearing such hateful words about my friends makes me very uneasy. And you won't like me when I'm uneasy."
"Challenge accepted, Mr. Jones." Konstantin said while dropping his gun and throwing his fist at Bane's face, but 00014 calmly caught it in his hand before twisting Konstantin's arm behind his back and tossing him into Pavel & Leo before running away from the three assassins.
"Stop him!" Konstantin yelled before the three gunmen gave chase. Bane made a diving leap out of the deceased banker's office that would usually kill any ordinary man, but years of experience have turned Jones into anything but ordinary. Sticking a perfect three-point landing, Jones raced through the streets to escape his pursuers, catching the attention of bystanders as he kept running.
"Terribly sorry, short on time here!" Bane exclaimed as he ran faster away from the three assassins as soon as the trio began catching up to him in an alleyway. However, the chase ended rather anticlimactic as a phone started ringing, and Konstantin picked it up.
"What is it?!" Konstantin yelled to the caller, whom Bane assumed to be The Sickle. "Oh my, already?!" he responded to his boss. "We'll be back shortly." Hanging up, he, Pavel, and Leo turned to face Bane. "We really hate to cut this short, I'm sure you were very excited to have an epic chase sequence, but we have to cut and run. The boss is expecting us."
"But don't you worry, we'll be seeing each other again soon!" Pavel laughed evilly.
"Come, my brothers, we must return to The Sickle at once!" Leo said as they marched out of the alley, leaving Bane alone to contemplate what had just happened.
"Whatever that Sickle fellow wants those three to do, it can't be good." Bane mused to himself before he heard a pair of high heels approaching him. Turning around, he discovered a beautiful Russian woman with pale skin and a goth-like fashion style consisting of a black blouse, navy blue miniskirt, a pair of black heels, a gold belt of crimson jewels, and short violet-dyed hair. "Pardon me, miss, but I'm afraid this might be too dangerous for you. Allow me to introduce myself. I am-"
"Jones, Bane Jones, I know." The woman said in a sultry Russian accent. "Your reputation precedes you, sir. Call me Tina, daughter of The Sickle. And I believe I could be of assistance to you."
"Daughter?" Bane gasped at the news that The Sickle had a daughter. "Hm, never heard anyone say he was a family man before."
"That is beside the point, Mr. Jones." Tina replied nervously. "My father has devious plans for you and your friends, but I believe I can be of assistance to you. Please, take me to your American masters so we can work together to stop my father and von Bowling!"
"I can see you're desperate, Tina." Jones responded, though he started getting a little suspicious of his new ally. "Okay, I'll bring you back to America, but you must promise to behave yourself. There's no telling if P.H.A.N.T.O.M or The Sickle are still watching us."
"Oh, you are most kind, Mr. Jones." Tina said before kissing Bane on the lips and almost leaving him behind in the alley. But as Jones began following Tina, he continued acting suspiciously toward her and started making a call.
"Good day, 00014. How was the mission to the Czech Republic?" Bane's gadgets provider G asked.
"Not very well." Bane replied morosely. "The banker became a casualty, but I did gain a new ally in the daughter of The Sickle. However, I feel like I must keep an eye on her while bringing her back to headquarters."
"Hm, sounds a little odd." G said. "I don't think we have any records of The Sickle being a father in our criminal database, but I don't really mind. Regardless, we should run a few tests on her to make sure she's telling the truth."
"Understood. See you again soon." Bane nodded before hanging up.
"Hey, what's keeping you?!" Tina called for her new companion from afar. "We're wasting daylight here, as you Americans say!"
"Don't mind me, dear, just making a call!" Bane hollered back as he walked towards Tina before taking her hand, and the two began planning for the return to the United States.
--
Meanwhile, in America, a couple of Little Homeworld Gems had gathered around Lapis Lazuli and Amethyst as they excitedly listened to a story the two were telling. "And then we were tied up and hanging over a shark pit while the villain had his cyborg wolf watching us!" Amethyst eagerly recounted.
"The wolf had, like, a surveillance system built into his nervous system, so that Francis would watch us die." Lapis added. "But thankfully, we found a way to get out."
"Ooh, tell us, tell us!" Teal exclaimed before Garnet, Pearl, Peridot, and Bismuth appeared behind her. "Hey, guys!"
"So what's all the commotion about?" Pearl asked about the gathering.
"I've been hearing rumors that Lapis and Amethyst once met a secret agent and wanted to know if they were true," Teal explained. "so I gathered up everybody spreading those rumors so they can learn they were right all along!"
"We all certainly had a fun time in Los Diego." Garnet smiled. "Maybe you'd like to hear our stories too."
"Yeah, like how Pearl got roasted by Neil Michaels!" Peridot exclaimed, embarrassing Pearl in the process.
"Or how this neckbeard stole a superpowered air freshener!" Bismuth added before she saw the faint shape of a helicopter approaching them. "Hey, what's that supposed to be?"
"Wait, is that a helicopter?" Peridot asked as the shape got closer to Little Homeworld. "What could it be doing here?"
"One second, guys, I'll fly up and check." Lapis said before she spread her wings and flew up to get a better look at the approaching chopper. To her surprise, the vehicle bore the initials WDA, indicating to her that an old friend was coming to visit. "Wait, Bane?!"
"Good day, Lapis, fancy seeing you here." Bane greeted the water Gem as he pushed open the helicopter door. "Bet you didn't expect to see me visiting, eh?"
"We were just talking about you!" Lapis responded over the chopping of the helicopter blades. "What brings you here, Mr. Jones?!"
"Just allow me to touch down so we can talk!" Bane responded before turning to his pilot and silently ordering him to bring the helicopter in for a landing while Lapis flew back down to the ground.
"Well, what was up, other than that helicopter?" Amethyst asked Lapis.
"It's Bane Jones, he's coming here!" Lapis exclaimed eagerly just as the helicopter landed behind her. As soon as 00014 stepped out of the chopper, he was quickly surrounded by Gems wanting to ask him questions.
"OMG, it's Bane Jones!" Teal Zircon cried. "I can't believe it, I'm meeting Bane Jones up close!"
"Please, ladies, one at a time; I'm here on business!" Bane chuckled as he tried to escape his crowd of fangirls and meet Lapis & Amethyst again. "Good day, girls, I'd love to stay over for a chat, but I'm on a new mission."
"Ooh, which one is it this time?" Amethyst asked. "Are we going into space, Japan, the Caribbean, Korea?!"
"All in due time, Amethyst." Bane answered before turning to return to the helicopter. "Come now, we'll explain everything at headquarters."
"Wait, Mr. Jones." Pearl stopped the agent in his tracks. "I don't think we ever got the chance to properly introduce ourselves, so would it be alright if me, Garnet, Peridot, and Bismuth came along with you?"
"I don't see why not." Bane agreed to Pearl's suggestion. "We'll need all the help we can get against our latest threat."
"Cool, spy adventure." Garnet grinned happily.
"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's move!" Bismuth exclaimed as she boarded the WDA helicopter.
"Don't think I have much else to do this weekend." Peridot added before turning to Teal. "We'll be gone for a while, you guys. Try not to burn the place down while we're gone!"
"We promise. Bye now!" Teal responded as the Gems took off with Bane Jones on a new adventure in the helicopter.
--
A couple of hours later, the Gems had returned to Los Diego, and not much had changed since their last visit. Convention season wasn't in full swing yet, so there weren't as many people dressed in costumes based on their favorite shows, movies, games, and comics littering the city streets. By the time the Crystal Gems were taken to the World Defense Agency's headquarters, they were welcomed by its staff with open arms.
"So glad they accepted your summons, 00014." Bane's boss, B, said as she shook each of the Gems' hands. "It's a pleasure to meet you all. I am B, head of the World Defense Agency. I'm sure you're already familiar with Mr. Jones and our gadget expert, G."
"The gadget expert is named G, how fitting." Garnet commented. "So, tell us what we're here for, ma'am."
"Glad you asked, Garnet." B said as she and G presented the Crystal Gems with an image of a newspaper headline reading "FRANCIS VON BOWLING BREAKS OUT" along with security footage of the leader of P.H.A.N.T.O.M and his two minions Lennie & Milton receiving some help in breaking out of prison. "A few months back, the fiendish criminal mastermind Francis von Bowling escaped confinement once again, but he's got help this time."
The security footage was replaced with a mugshot of a large, heavyset Russian man with a large beard. "This is The Sickle, leader of a powerful Russian crime ring who has had frequent collaborations with von Bowling in the past, dating all the way back to the fall of the Berlin Wall." Another photo was displayed, this time of younger versions of the two criminals shaking hands with each other dated to 1989. "It seems the two are working together again, but who knows why?"
"Probably revenge." Amethyst answered. "I mean, we did kick von Bowling's butt last time we saw him."
"Yes, it's pretty obvious what Francis's goals are, but we have no idea what The Sickle is plotting either." G added. "Luckily, Mr. Jones found a new partner who should be able to assist us." This was when he cued Tina to enter the scene. "Gems, I'd like you all to meet Tina, daughter of The Sickle."
"Hello there, Crystal Gems." Tina greeted the Gems. "I have heard much about you from my friends back in Russia."
"Yeah, it turns out not many people like us there." Bismuth responded. "Something about violating their ancestral grounds for our own devious ends."
"Yes, if we work together, surely we can improve your reputation there." Tina stated, though Garnet looked rather suspicious at her claims. "Is something the matter?"
"It's nothing, Miss Tina. It's just my future vision giving me some ominous warnings." Garnet replied awkwardly. "Something about dark magic and nuclear weapons." Tina's eyes widened in horror before nervously scooting away from Garnet. "Wait, come back!"
"I have my suspicions as well, but I suggest we try to keep an open mind." Bane proclaimed. "Who knows, maybe she could be on our side."
"Maybe you're right, maybe you're wrong, Mr. Jones." G agreed with the WDA's top agent. "But in the meantime, pay attention, everyone!" He turned around to begin displaying the gadgets Bane would be using for his mission. "Allow me to introduce to you the devices you shall be equipped with on your assignment."
"You call those gadgets? Ha!" Peridot laughed derisively. "I once managed to hack televisions all across the country with just one communication tower! It was some very advanced technology, more advanced than your pieces of metal!"
"Someone's a little braggadocious." G wryly chuckled before presenting what seemed to be an ordinary pen. "Observe, this explosive pen." With a click of the button, the pen started beeping, and G tossed it at target on a nearby wall before it combusted. "I guess you could say the writing was on the wall."
"Leave the sassy one-liners to me, thank you very much." Bane chuckled at G's joke before his gadget provider displayed another gizmo.
"For someone who wants to look both stylish and deadly, I present this razor-brimmed derby hat." G proclaimed before throwing the hat at a few training dummies, slicing their heads clean off with little mess before it returned to his hand. "And over here, there's-"
"Um, is that a human nipple?" Pearl asked regarding a near-perfect replica of a human man's bare chest. Only there were not two nipples, but three.
"Ah yes, the golden gun incident." B declared flatly. "Our target was born with a third nipple that time; thus, this was designed so Mr. Jones could disguise as him."
"Can I take it?" Amethyst asked as she began taking the prosthetic nipple for herself. "This will make me a fortune online!"
"Go ahead, do with it what you will." G said before he continued with his demonstration. "Now, as I was saying, over here, this weaponized wristwatch has seen a lot of use before." He pressed a button that caused a multitude of gadgets to spring out of the clock face. "It has a variety of uses. It can cut wires, burn through metal with a laser, defuse electrical devices, all perfect for getting you out of a jam."
"Looks more like a Molex." Garnet said as she examined the watch manufacturer's name along the rim of the watch.
"They were kind enough to provide us with one to modify." G answered before revealing the last gadget on the itinerary. "And finally, our crème de la crème of the division's gadgets." He pulled out a set of car keys and pressed the unlock button, causing a very stylish-looking car to appear. "I've been making some modifications to your Rumbakini Tormenta lately."
"No way, a Rumbakini Tormenta?!" Bismuth gasped in awe at the cool car in front of them. "That's one of the sleekest cars in the world of automobiles, and here it is for me to tinker with!"
"Pace yourself, Ms. Bismuth. That is very valuable to Mr. Jones." B tried calming Bismuth down. "Care to give us any specifics, G?"
"With pleasure, madam." G replied. "I employed some Gem technology recovered by the government to modify this vehicle. Now it can fly, can become bigger on the inside, fire lasers from the headlights, and the wheels can cling onto most surfaces too."
"So cool!" Amethyst squealed in excitement. "Come on, guys, onwards to Russia!"
"Someone's a little eager to start the mission." Pearl laughed warmly as the Gems began boarding the Tormenta. "Hey, has anyone seen Tina anywhere?"
"Oh, sorry, my friends!" Tina exclaimed as she hurried towards the car. "Sorry, had to go to the bathroom and you know how much trouble those can be!" she awkwardly laughed, causing the Gems and Jones to stare at her in confusion. "Anyways, shall we depart?"
"Yes, let's." Garnet coolly agreed before Bane turned the car on and activated its new flight mode so it could fly off toward Russia.
--
"So you say that Jones knows now?" The Sickle grimly asked his three subordinates in his headquarters in the coldest parts of Russia. "I asked you to merely terminate that banker, and this is what happens?! Honestly, you three are just as incompetent as you are efficient."
"Please forgive us, boss, but now he's coming straight to us!" Konstantin exclaimed. "He'll walk straight into our trap now!"
"They are indeed correct, my friend." Francis von Bowling agreed with Konstantin while nursing a wineglass of gorilka. "Thanks to our spy on the inside, we know Mr. Jones has allied himself with the Crystal Gems against us."
"The Crystal Gems." The Sickle growled with his chin resting on a fist. "Once I see those foolish rocks, I shall make them pay for what they have done to me!" He then looked to his three assassins. "Konstantin, Pavel, Leo, bring them to me at once! Alive or otherwise!"
"Same goes for you too, Lennie and Milton." Francis said to his two lackeys, the ratlike schemer Lennie and his large, childlike partner Milton. "I want to see the blue and the purple ones again, in particular."
"Oh yes, boss, those Gems won't know what hit them." Lennie cackled while evilly rubbing his hands.
"Yeah, it'll be cool to see those Gems again!" Milton chuckled oafishly. "We won't fail you this time, boss!"
"I hope so." von Bowling replied. "If all else fails, we can rely on our mole to finish things." He then turned to some of his scientists experimenting on some highly advanced technology far beyond human comprehension. "But in the meantime, these mechanical limbs we found underwater should prove useful to us."
"Indeed it will, Francis." Black Rutile declared as she emerged from the shadows, much to von Bowling's alarm. "Oh, pardon me for the intrusion. You may call me Black Rutile, a fellow enemy of the Crystal Gems. I followed you from the Galaxy Warp to Russia because I need some help."
"What kind of help?" Francis asked suspiciously of his new visitor's motives.
"Help to build this dimensional portal, of course!" Black Rutile proclaimed as she unveiled some holographic schematics of the Vortexxer. "I think you and your little organization might have just what I need to keep it stable, and wouldn't you know it; you have almost everything I could want! So how about we work out a little deal? If you give me all the parts for the portal I need, I shall help you terminate the Crystal Gems once and for all."
"A rather tempting offer, miss." Francis smiled and shook Black Rutile's hand. "Just say the word, and I'll be there."
"Are you sure we can trust you, Gem?" The Sickle asked suspiciously. "How do we know you're not like the rest of your kind? You did broadcast your face to the world not too long ago."
"As I said to Francis here, I am just as much a victim of the Crystal Gems as you are." Black Rutile proclaimed, her declaration striking a chord with The Sickle before the Rutile brought up his criminal record on her visor. "Isn't that right, Nikolay?"
"Oh, you're good." Nikolay smirked at P.H.A.N.T.O.M's new ally in surprise and admiration of her skills. "I like you, stranger. Black Rutile, your name is?" He then offered some of his gorillka to Black Rutile. "I feel this shall be the start of beautiful friendship."
--
Elsewhere in Russia, the Tormenta finally landed in the streets of Saint Petersburg, followed by Bane disembarking with Tina and the Gems. "Be alert, everyone." Bane advised his female companions. "As you said, the Gems don't have the best reputation here due to past events."
"For crying out loud, one giant portion of the world gets wiped out to make room for a Galaxy Warp, and yet they blame the closest ones to the real culprit!" Lapis complained as the group left the alley the Tormenta was parked in to search for The Sickle. Along the way, the Gems discovered how much their technology influenced Russia to become slightly more steampunk than they expected. But they were also forced to be victims of all sorts of prejudice from the locals.
"You colorful killers may have won over the Americans, but we will never forget what you did!"
"Aliens go home!"
"Quit tearing our planet apart!"
"That pink beast would've been the death of us all! Hugging will change nothing!"
"Filthy lesbian rock humans!"
"Just don't pay any attention to them, gang." Garnet advised her teammates. "They only want to make us mad."
"Still, there are still so many things our people have yet to atone for." Pearl replied. "The Crystal Gems may have saved the Earth all the time, but we're just a small group of Gems doing good for the Earth. They probably just think we're a credit to our race at best."
"Whoa, no need to go that far, Pearl!" Amethyst cried while deflecting a bottle of vodka being thrown her way without even looking. "What, you really think that because we're not like them, that means we must be evil?"
"I mean, I stole most of the ocean to return home." Lapis agreed with Pearl. "Which led to hundreds either dying or nearly going out of business."
"Don't get too bummed out, and let's focus on the job at hand." Bane said before turning to Tina. "Now Tina, where do you think we'll find any information about The Sickle?"
"I believe we shall find our answer at the Royale Casino." Tina answered while gesturing to a nearby casino flooded with shady characters. "Number one wretched hive of scum and villainy in all of Russia! I have no doubt in my mind he might be there!"
"Well, how about that?" Bismuth remarked proudly at Tina's observation skills. "Come on, girls, let's get in there and find our crooks!"
"Indeed, let's get a move on." Jones said as the gang walked towards the Royale Casino, while Tina slagged behind to make sure none of them heard what she was going to do.
"They have taken the bait." Tina said into her phone. "Bring the boys out immediately."
--
Just as everyone expected, the Royale Casino was filled with criminal lowlifes in addition to regular people spending their money on slot machines, card games, dice games, poker machines, and roulettes. And just like outside, many of the Royale's visitors were incredibly wary of the Gems that had just arrived.
"Okay, everyone, spread out. One of these crooks must know where he is." Bane commanded his ladyfriends as he, Tina, Lapis, Amethyst, and Garnet walked towards a big poker table in the center of the room. At the same time, the other Gems interrogated the casino's visitors.
--
"Excuse me, sir, can you tell me something about someone called The Sickle?" Pearl asked a gambler who was cleaning out his opponents at a game of craps.
"What's it to ya, pointy?" the gambler scoffed while flicking Pearl's nose. "I don't fraternize with your kind."
"Well, I never!" Pearl snapped at the man and stormed off in anger.
--
"Pardon me, but I must request that you bestow upon me information relating to The Sickle if you please." Peridot politely asked another lowlife at a slot machine.
"I would if you sounded less like a nerd." The slot-puller replied disdainfully. "Now, shoo little girl, I'm on a streak here!"
--
"Hey comrades, any of you got any deets on The Sickle?" Bismuth asked in her best attempt at a Russian accent as she stepped up to a roulette table.
"The Sickle, eh?" a shirtless, muscular man in a pair of red trunks with a big beard and scars all over his bare & hairy torso answered. "Maybe we could give you some answers, if you beat us at roulette."
"Game on!" Bismuth declared as she pulled out a wad of dollars left over from the trip to Los Diego and handed it over to the croupier. "I'm betting a hundred dollars on 17 Black!"
"Thank you." The croupier responded while taking the cash, Bismuth not telling whether he was unaware a Gem just placed a bet or didn't care as the ball began rolling around the roulette wheel. "No more bets!" It was this close to landing on the spot that Bismuth had bet on, but unfortunately for her, it landed on 23 Red instead. "Ooh, sorry milady. Better luck next time."
"I must admit, you were good gambler. For Gem." The muscular man complimented Bismuth as she walked away.
--
Meanwhile at the poker table, Bane, Lapis, Amethyst, Tina, and Garnet were playing a high-stakes game of cards against a dozen other seedy opponents, each varying in skill and menace. While Bane played his cards right, both figuratively and literally, and the Gems were doing moderately well, Tina seemed to have no idea how to play.
"Oops, silly me!" Tina declared as she discovered she had yet another bad hand. "I do not seem to be good at this game!"
"That's a real shame, Tina, because watch this." Garnet declared before she unveiled her cards. To the alarm of everyone around her, the fusion had a royal flush. "Read 'em and weep, boys."
"Impossible!" Bane gasped at Garnet's hand. "How did you get a royal flush so easily?!"
"Future vision." Garnet boasted. "Been using it to cheat at cards with Amethyst and Greg for years."
"I knew it!" Amethyst exclaimed before they heard the doors open, followed by Konstantin, Pavel, and Leo stepping into the Royale Casino.
"Okay everyone, stop what you're doing now!" Konstantin commanded the casino's visitors while arming himself with a gun that looked like reverse-engineered Gem technology. "I want everybody on the ground except for anyone with unusual skin color! And no, I don't mean that kind of unusual skin color!"
"It's those assassins that killed the banker again!" Bane exclaimed as the gamblers scrambled around the casino.
"Hey, wait a second. Those weapons they're holding look a little familiar." Amethyst said as the three gunmen drew closer to Bane and company, followed by the other Crystal Gems racing to stop them.
"Are those my limb enhancers?!" Peridot gasped at the trio's firearms. "How did you get them?!"
"Found them in the Tunguska Sea near some big rock formation." Leo revealed to the group, causing Garnet and Pearl to all look at Amethyst. Last they remember, Amethyst was the one to dispose of Peridot's limb enhancers after they finally poofed her by dumping them in the ocean.
"Oh, come on! How was I supposed to know someone was going to confiscate them?!" Amethyst cried before the Gems were all held at gunpoint.
"Now then, our boss has some very special friends who want you taken out for what you did to them." Pavel declared. "So either turn around now and leave or else things will have to get ugly."
"Wait, everyone please!" Tina yelled as she got between the two groups. "Boys, boys, we can resolve this peacefully as long as you let my friends go."
"So that should be our cue to run?" Bismuth asked.
"You bet." Lapis responded flatly as Bane and the Gems ran out of the casino. But as soon as they escaped however, Tina immediately changed her tune.
"Thank you, boys, for that marvelous introduction." Tina smirked at Konstantin. "Anyways, you remember the deal I made with Bowling, right?"
"Yes, here is that book you wanted." Leo answered while handing over a strange grimoire that emitted a sinister energy from it. Tina just smiled evilly as she opened the book and began reading through its pages.
--
As soon as Bane, Lapis, Amethyst, Garnet, Pearl, Peridot, and Bismuth escaped the Royale Casino, they ran for the Rumbakini Tormenta and immediately began racing through Saint Petersburg in order to get as far away from the three assassins as possible.
"Thank goodness Tina bought us time!" Pearl exclaimed as the car sped through Russia. "I just hope she'll be alright."
"Who knows if we'll be alright, though." Lapis said as she poked her head out the window to discover numerous police cars driven by P.H.A.N.T.O.M goons chasing after them. "Quick, Bane, step on it!"
"Well, it's 37,500 miles to America. We got a full tank of gas and multiple gadgets, it's getting cold, and none of us are dressed for the weather." Bane declared.
"Hit it!" Amethyst yelled as Bane stepped on the gas, making the Tormenta go even faster. But unfortunately, the P.H.A.N.T.O.M cars started going faster as well. "Talk about putting your pedal to the metal, am I right?"
"This is no time for puns, Amethyst, we need to think of a plan!" Garnet yelled.
"Why don't we ask those fellows in the nice suits?" Peridot suggested while spotting a pair of men in matching black suits, fedoras, and sunglasses driving in a beat-up sedan. "Excuse us, but could you lend your assistance? We're on the run from villains here!"
"We'd love to stay and chat, but we're on a mission from God!" the first man declined the offer.
"Our Lady of blessed acceleration, don't fail us now!" the second man yelled as his companion drove the car away from the highway, which gave Peridot an idea.
"Wait, Bane, we need to go off the road!" Peridot yelled to the secret agent. "Just like those rad dudes in shades!"
"Well, I'm willing to give anything a shot once." Bane shrugged in agreement before swerving the car off the highway and into the Russian wilderness. When the P.H.A.N.T.O.M troops attempted to follow, all that did was turn them into a big car pileup along the side of the highway—all except for one.
"That little gremlin must have been watching too many movies!" Lennie cursed as he and Milton became the last members of P.H.A.N.T.O.M chasing after 00014 and the Crystal Gems. "Step on it, Milton, quick like a bunny!"
"Yeah, quick like a bunny!" Milton replied and made the police car start catching up to the Tormenta. "You ain't getting away this time, Bane!"
"On the contrary, my friends," Bane smirked and pulled out a pen. "you'll find that the pen is mightier than the sword or the automobile!" He then clicked the button and tossed it straight into the inside of Lennie and Milton's car.
"Uh, what's the pen gonna do, squirt ink all over us?" Lennie asked. His question would soon be answered as the pen detonated in his and Milton's faces, completely incinerating their police car and causing severe damage to the Tormenta in the process. Surprisingly, von Bowling's two minions managed to survive the explosion. "Okay, question answered."
"This ends now, criminal scum!" Bane declared as he pointed his gun at Lennie and Milton's faces while the Crystal Gems surrounded the two thugs. "Just tell us what your boss and The Sickle have planned, and maybe, just maybe, we'll go easy on you."
"Oh, so now you want to know?" Lennie coughed spitefully. "You know, you could've just asked earlier! Okay, fine, you got us. Our bosses are gonna start World War III and blame the Gems for it. Ya happy now?"
"Wait, World War III?!" Bismuth yelled in horror. "How could they do something like this?!"
"Easy, they wanna get rich." Milton answered innocently. "Once we frame you guys as terrorists, the bosses will be hailed as heroes by nuking your Little Homeworld friends and becoming rich from selling weapons. Pretty basic goals, you know?"
"Basic, but very personal." Lapis cracked her knuckles and prepared for a fight. "You messed with the wrong Gems, you guys!"
"If you want to harm our friends, you'll have to face us first!" Amethyst exclaimed and pulled out her whip, followed by the rest of the Gems pulling out their weapons in anticipation of the fight. Suddenly, however, a third party was about to come into play.
"Enough!" the familiar voice of Tina declared as she stepped into the clearing, her blouse turned into a unitard, and her mini skirt switched with a blue cloak. "Bet you didn't expect to see me here, Crystal Gems."
"Tina, is that you?" Amethyst asked. "Love the outfit by the way. What are you, some kind of sexy goth sorceress?"
"Oh, I am not just any sexy goth sorceress." Tina answered. "My name is actually Rasputina, descendent of the Mad Monk Grigori Rasputin, the innocent man you failed to save from Prince Yusupov! And now, I am here to avenge him by destroying all of you!"
"Okay, didn't see that coming." Lapis declared in shock.
"I certainly did." Garnet added. "Future vision, after all."
"So, you were plotting behind our backs all this time." Bane scowled at Rasputina. "I bet being The Sickle's daughter was part of the act too!"
"Indeed it was, and now I have you all right where he wants you." Rasputina smirked seductively before pulling out the grimoire that Konstantin, Pavel & Leo gave her and reciting a spell. "Klaatu barada nikto!" The resulting spell trapped Bane and the Gems in a dark forcefield that began causing them unending pain as Rasputina turned to contact her superiors. "Master, it is done. Mr. Jones and the Crystal Gems are ours. Awaiting further orders."
In Loving Memory of Robbie Coltrane, aka Valentin Zukovsky and Rubeus Hagrid
March 30, 1950 – October 14, 2022
--
I think that might be one of the most shocking endings I've written for this series in a long while. Tina turns traitor, the Gems and Bane have been captured, and none of them know yet that Black Rutile has made a deal with Francis and The Sickle! How can they turn this around? You'll just have to tune in next time for the second part of Little Homeworld Life's first and only two-part episode! Same Gem time, same Gem channel!
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