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rowenablade · 29 days

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“You worship the sun, but you keep feeding the dark.”

Thoughts on Ed, Izzy and Miscommunication.

“Drowning in the Sound” by Amanda Palmer is not on my list of go-to Blackhands songs, but that line above sums up Izzy so well for me, and a comment on my most recent fic update got me thinking about one of the more controversial lines from the finale.

“I fed your darkness.”

First things first: I'm not a canyonite, but I do unapologetically love Izzy as a character and do not buy into the narrative that he was an abusive manipulator and Ed was a helpless victim. If that makes you decide that I'm a dumbass, feel free to scroll on past. You're not gonna like the rest of this post.

We good? Okay.

So I know a lot of people hated that line and that scene in general, for a lot of reasons I won't get into here, but I wasn't one of them. While I don't agree with the Izzy=Abusive Manipulator takes, I also don't agree with the interpretation that Izzy was 100% the victim and Ed was a monstrous abuser. To me, their relationship was always a complicated, messy arrangement between two deeply flawed people, with far too many unspoken assumptions at its core. And one of the things that made it so fascinating for me was Izzy's ability to harm Ed when he thought he was helping him.

Look. I fully believe that at one point in time, these two loved each other. By the time we meet them in canon, the foundation of their relationship has rotted, but they are both self-actualized enough to leave a situation if it truly never made them happy.

That doesn't mean I think they were ever explicitly a romantic couple, or ever physically intimate (I actually think that never happened in canon.) But they loved each other once, and tried to show each other that love, and they are both so. Fucking. Bad at it. Or at least, they're bad at understanding how the other interprets the ways they say "I love you."

Take Ed. Yes, he uses a lot of physical touch, but I think Ed's truest way of expressing affection is inviting someone else to play with him. That's why he falls so hard for Stede- he's the playmate Ed never had, the one person who's always ready to give him a "Yes, and." And we see this in his interactions with Izzy in s1e4- calling Izzy to check out things he thinks are cool, trying to get him talking about the shape of the clouds. He's inviting Izzy to play with him, and it's going completely over Izzy's head, because Izzy doesn't want to play! He's at work! Now's not the time, Edward! But that's the thing- they're Blackbeard and Izzy Hands. They're never not at work. And that's what causes Ed's despair and Izzy's frustration to build, because they don't know how to interact with each other outside the context of their jobs.

So what looks like love, to Izzy?

My guess? Bonnie & Clyde. Natural Born Killers. Thelma & Louise. Us against the world, baby. Life is cruel and short, and ends violently, but at least we've got each other. We don't get info about Izzy's background, but his interactions with Ed vs. everyone else, and especially his possessiveness of Edward behind the Blackbeard persona, suggests a man for whom personal relationships are Serious Business. It's not about fun. It's about survival.

I think to Izzy, being someone's only safe person to be around, being the only two people in the world who understand each other, being constantly under threat and prepared to kill to protect one another, is heart-stoppingly romantic.

But it's not romantic for Ed at all. It's terrifying.

Ed's worried he's unlovable. He's worried he's a monster deep down. It's not going to make him feel safe, to be told that there's only one person in the world who really gets him. It's going to feel terribly isolating, and on top of that, it feels so serious. Ed doesn't want a relationship rooted in violence- he grew up around that, and it destroyed his family.

And Izzy has no idea.

He doesn't know about any of Ed's baggage with his father, or the self-esteem issues that make him worry he's unlovable. He doesn't know how alone it makes Ed feel to be told there's no one like him, even in the context of a compliment ("the most brilliant sailor I had ever met") or how triggering it would be to watch one person he loves hurt another (how could Ed not have been thinking of his parents during the duel scene?)

I think a lot of people assume that when Izzy says "I fed your darkness," he's referring to the "namby pamby in a silk gown" scene. But that was Izzy in a state of near-panic, desperate to say something that would get Ed to take him seriously, and I don't think that's what their relationship normally looked like.

I think Izzy fed Ed's darkness "for years" by telling him, through words or actions, that there was only ever the two of them, that they couldn't trust anybody else, that one of them would die defending the other.

"I fed your darkness" was Izzy realizing that to Ed, that didn't sound like, "I love you." It sounded like, "Without me, you're completely alone." And being alone is the thing that frightens Ed the most.

#our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd meta #edward teach #izzy hands #blackhands #edizzy

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finelinevogue · 2 years

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little spoon

summary - harry is restless after a long week and just needs you to cuddle him

warnings : angst i guess?!, swearing

word count: -900

“Harry, stop wriggling.” You clutched tighter onto him, to make him feel more safe. Secure.

“I can’t.” He sighed.

You two had gone to bed over an hour ago, but Harry couldn’t stop wriggling. He only ever wriggled around when he had something on his mind that was bothering him.

It had been a stressful week already, what with the Venice premiere of Don’t Worry Darling and all its’ rumours and then also just Twitter in general taking a horrible turn on Harry as a person. You don’t understand why he was getting so much backlash recently, but it was clearly playing on his mind enough to affect his sleep.

Both of you had been spooning for the past hour, you hugging him tightly from behind because you know it's a position that makes him feel calmer. It makes him feel like even if he were falling, you'd still hold on to him and be ready to catch him.

You were his lifeboat on a sinking ship.

"Do you want me to go make you a tea?" You offered, moving an arm from around his waist and pushing his hair back off his forehead to cool him down a little.

"No, thanks."

He responded politely, but you knew by the tone of his voice that he was anything but happy.

"We could stay up for a bit and i'll read to you?"

"No it's okay. You should go to sleep. I'll go to the couch so I won't disturb you."

He tried to get out of your hold, but you held on too tightly and refused to let him leave. You kissed the skin of his bare back a few times, grounding him and reminding him that you were here for him.

Too many people had come and gone from his life and you, apart from his close family, were the only person left who had stayed throughout everything. You were his favourite person because you chose to stay, with him. You chose him. Just as he chose you every day.

"H, baby, don't. Don't leave, okay? Talk to me, please. Don't shut me out. I'm here. I'm right here." You reminded him.

You felt him relax against your hold and that's when you knew he was staying. He carefully turned around in your hold and then slid his own arm around your waist so he could bring your chest closer to his. Your heart closer to his. It wasn't that you were now physically closer, but also that you were emotionally closer because you were able to watch each others eyes fill with the emotions that were left unspoken.

His eyes told you everything you could have predicted. He was afraid that he was becoming someone he never wanted to be; an undeserving somebody. He was afraid that the tabloids could spin a narrative so hard that everything he'd worked so hard for would crumble down around him. He was afraid of being just Harry again.

You didn't need to ask what was wrong, because it was clearly painted all over his face like a cry for help.

"They can hate on you all they like, H, but you're heart is too full of love to let them win." You reminded him, rubbing your thumb over his soft cheek.

"I don't think i've got that much love left in me." He whispered softly, afraid that if he spoke any louder the noise would trigger tears and he wanted to be stronger than that. Braver.

"Then I guess i'll have to lend you some of mine then. I've got plenty to share around."

He smiled just a fraction, the corners of his mouth upturning to form a small dimple on his cheek near your thumb. His eyes lit up over your words, glittering like a disco ball catching sunlight. But then the sun goes and with it his dimple.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“And what makes you think that, hmm?” You furrowed your eyebrows as you questioned him.

“Have you seen the tabloids, Y/N? They’re calling you my friend-with-benefits just because I don’t broadcast our relationship on BBC1 Breakfast every morning with updates.”

“Okay.”

“Okay? How are you okay with that?”

“Because I don’t want you to broadcast our relationship, Harry. I want it to just be us. I don’t want some random Jared to know that we went on a picnic date and you fed me chocolate strawberries. I don’t want some random Susan to know that you took me to a planetarium just because I have a weird obsession with space that only you know about. I don’t want to share my life with anyone else but you. So screw them saying I’m just a friends-with-benefits, but I don’t fucking care because the only ones who need to know otherwise are you and I. That’s it. Just you and me.”

“You and me.” Harry repeated, moving closer towards the crook of your neck. You opened your neck up a bit to let him rest his face there, feeling him sniff the soft scent of your lavender moisturiser. It was the perfect scent to get him to relax more.

“Always.”

It wasn’t long after you’d said your final word that Harry had gotten to sleep and you got to hug him tightly all night long.

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x y/n #harry styles fanfic #ask finelinevogue #finelinevogue #harry blurb #harry styles concept #harry oneshot #harry styles italy #harry styles blurbs #harry styles boyfriend #harry styles boyfriend blurb #finelinevogue masterlist #finelinevogue blurbs

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matan4il · 2 months

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Thank you for your daily posts. And for keeping up the updates. I'm exhausted by the war and the hatred and the gaslighting and I appreciate you so much.

מקווה להיפגש על אמת יום אחד, בזמנים טובים יותר. יישר כוח. שולחת המון אהבה.

(I hope it's okay, because of my health, I've been falling behind on replying to asks, so I wanna respond to a bunch of lovely ones here...)

Awwww, hi lovely! :D It's so wonderful to get this message from you! Thank you SO MUCH! I appreciate you as well, and I am sending you the biggest of hugs!

I think we're all emotionally drained by what has been going on, not just Hamas' brutal massacre, or the war it forced us into and the pain and loss it is causing us continuously, or the terrorist attacks that keep on killing us and hurt even more after the massacre, or having to deal with the impossible choices Hamas has forced on us, but also the wave of hatred towards us that started on Oct 7, while our people were still being massacred.

It's even worse when we remember that this wave was enabled by antisemitic propaganda, which has been spread for so much longer, way before they could have used the current war as justification. But it really shows how Jews are treated worse doesn't it? All land back movements should be supported, but Jews returning to their native land is evil and racist, all violence and killing is bad, but killing Jews for living in their native land is "resistance," rape is bad and victims should always be listened to, but Jewish victims of rape are to be doubted and ignored if they're living in the Jewish ancestral land, colonialism is horrible and practically any act is justified in resisting it, but Arab colonialism can be easily ignored and even denied, at the same time as Jewish people being native to Israel will be erased, so that the anti-colonial narrative can be comfortably misapplied to Israel and justify the crimes perpetrated against Jews in and outside our homeland, genocide is the worst of crimes, making it incredibly serious, but when it can be used against Jews, suddenly every keyboard warrior is an expert on it and does not hesitate to falsely apply it to Israel in a manner that minimizes and disrespects actual genocides and their victims (including Jewish ones), intentionally targeting civilians is a war crime, but it's fine if Hamas declares its intent to kill every Jew in the world, most of whom are civilians, because *throws out another false slogan, but hey, it rhymes*...

אני גם מקוה להיפגש יום אחד, כך שאם את מתישהו בירושלים אנא אל תהססי ליצור איתי קשר, ואני שולחת מלא אהבה בחזרה!

Hey, I want to thank you for everything you've been doing. I'm not Jewish, but I have been trying to be as supportive as I currently can be, and I feel it helps me do that to actually know what's happening. I hope you haven't been being sent a bunch of horrible things because of the war, even though I know you probably have. Thank you again.

Thank YOU so much for this kindness, both your message and your support for Jewish people! I know it's probably the worst time to be an ally to Jews, which is why I appreciate each and every single one of you even more than I usually already do. I'll do my best to keep updating, and I also now have, in addition to my general Israel tag, a resources tag which I tried to fill with some of the more important subjects I've covered, and for which I provided links to reliable sources. I hope this is also something that's useful to you! As for hate, I've gotten a lot of it. But if those people think they're doing anything other than exposing themselves as cruel, and not caring about humaneness at all, and if they think I'm more scared of their nasty messages than I care about the well being of my own people, they obviously have no idea about who I am as a human being (which I guess is not surprising, if they don't really acknowledge me as one).

Thank you again, I'm sending you love and nothing but the best wishes, always!

next time Im at Yad Vashem Im gonna ask every staff member if they are you it would be an honor to meet you in person

That's so very kind, Nonnie! But I'm honestly nothing special. Yad Vashem itself is an incredibly powerful place to visit, anyone who would guide you through it will give you a prfound experience, I have no doubt of it. But if you ever are there, and you tell the guards you're looking for me (the head of security is actually one of my best friends, so I know he always keeps an eye on me and my whereabouts), it would be nice to say hi! :D

thank you for all your daily updates

No, Nonnie, thank YOU! I seriously appreciate the kindness of your message and encouragement!

From @blu-eyed-demon -

Thank you so much, my lovely Jace! This is so kind and sweet, and you have been an amazing, continued source of comfort. You have so much kindness at a time when that's so scarcely found, I just with you that will always be met and wrapped with just as much kindness in return, everywhere you turn! *sends so much love*

From @yelenasbuddie -

Hey.. I'm just passing by to give you 💐💐💐 so you can have a much more wonderful day. Even if we don't talk much, I'd like to say that you are loved and mattered. I believe in you and you got this 🩷🩷🩷

and also -

Hope you are loved 🩷🩷🩷🧡💜🥰

Sweet Yelena! Thank you so much for all of your messages, I can't tell you how much I treasure them. I'm sure you feel like you're caught up in the middle of a storm, and I know it's not easy remaining strong in the middle of that, but you have, and I hope you give yourself a lot of credit for that, I def do. I'm also hopeful that you always see the measure of your own kindness reflected back to you! Sending lots of hugs and kisses and all the cutesy emojis in the world, to make you feel loved! (sorry, as a Jew I don't celebrate Valentine's Day, but I hope you had a lovely one...)

Been following you since the Robron days. Proud to still be following you now 🦾

Nonnie, this is so lovely! I can't believe you're still here since then! I'm the one who's proud to have such a wonderful follower. IDK if we've ever talked, but I hope I always made you feel appreciated if we did, and welcome and enriched even if we didn't. Thank you for sticking it out with me through the best and worst of times, it means so much! Sending you love!

From @dominikadecember -

sending you lots and lots and lots of love

Thank you so much, my lovely Dom! I hope you know you've been a real help throughout all of this, and that I manage to show you how much I appreciate you. I'm sending you tons of love back!

here to put some jewish love and kindness in ur inbox 💗✡️🇮🇱

Thank you so much, Nonnie! This is so gorgeous, I love it, and I appreciate you for the beautiful human you are. I'm assuming you're Jewish as well, so I hope it's okay if I send Jewish love, pride in the way we're standing up to all this hatred, and kindness right back to you, and I hope you're doing well throughout all this!

hey just wanted to say i really appreciate you and your blog.

Thank you wholeheartedly, Nonnie! I really appreciate this kindness, and I hope you know that you put a smile on my face, and that you really help and make a difference! Sending hugs and hope you're well!

To the Nonnie who doesn't know or follow me, but still had a look at my blog instead of just blindly accpeting the notion that I'm a bad person, and then added -

You're not a terrible person. My sympathy and support. It's awful how tumblr is suddenly full of antisemitic sheep.

Thank you so very much! I seriously don't know how to express to you how much it means to me, to know that there are people out there, who don't automatically participate in judging and silencing others, when it has become the more popular thing to do. IDK if you'll see this, since you're not following me, but I hope you do, because to me, you're the person who refuses to do the antisemitic salute just because everyone else is, and knowing that people can still have that strength, integrity and kindness really matters to me, and to other Jews who watch with horror the ease with which we're being vilified and de-humanized. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart for that, I seriously can't wish you enough good things...

Thank you to everyone who says, does, supports Jewish people, no matter how much you think it might be a small gesture. It all matters, you make the world a better place, and you give Jews hope! xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

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s1lly-billy · 6 months

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TAKE THE CODECICLE LORE FOOD TAKE IT

Today (Nov 2) we got another lore stream

And HAPPY FUCKING DIA DE LOS MUERTOS TO EVERYONE WHO CELEBRATES IT!!!!

ALRIGHT NOW TIME FOR BIG LORE

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚

1. Juanaflippas reappearance.

The dead eggs came back just for today and we got lots of angst from ALL of the players

Lore wise, this was fucking big. It's now confirmed the "Juanaflippa" that has been hanging out with Charlie this entire time is indeed *not* our old Juanaflippa. This is confirmed because today, the juanaflippa that came back remembered everything.

Baby's first toy

The iron sword

The rap

The missclicks.

But none the less, she was extremely nice and loving to our codey Charlie. She was SUPER physically affectionate and hugged Charlie practically the entire time he was there. She was also super happy to see everyone! But nonetheless, there is some deep shit behind her appearance. She wants Charlie to get rid of the code all over him, wants him to heal, and still wants to hang out with him in the fucking rat king they made.

(ALSO FUCKING EPIC MENTION TO THE FACT SHE HAD A TRANS FLAG AND CHARLIE CHEERED??? THAT WAS WHOLESOME AS FUCK AS SOMEONE UNDER THE UMBRELLA.

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚

2. "Juanaflippa" (aka Codeflippa)

An update on what we got from (real)Juanaflippa is that she's completely and utterly not Juanaflippa. She's not at all apart of her and she's not connected to her. But she does know how to immitate her (to a limit ex. The "accent")

I personally don't think Codeflippa has any real intent against Charlie. She genuinely seems to love hanging out with him and meeting new people. She's never tried to hurt Charlie, and I doubt the infection is intentional.

In past streams Charlie has brought up the code to flippa and she said she doesn't know what that is.

She's also expressed fear to her dad about the man. You know, the man with the glasses in the picture.

(I wonder when we get a update on that.)

If she is trying to hurt Charlie and/or infect him she's being put up to it.

(In my opinion)

Possibly by the federation, as they've stated she's a released experiment, or... A failed one.

I'll let you think on that.

ANYWAY

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚

3. Slimecicle lore affects (aka Codecicle)

Slimecicle is still under the illusion that "Juanaflippa" is normal and was brought back to life as a gift for his birthday. On a positive note, he's a lot happier knowing for once in his life his egg is here. And she doesn't seem to be leaving. She's happy with him and hes happy with her!

On a negative note.

The code from Juanaflippa has been affecting his body so much and he's just deterioting more and more into code.

And he seriously doesn't have alot of body left before it's taken over completely.

(Theory)

Now while I'm all for a full slimecicle code skin I'm pretty damn sure things are going to go South soon. This arc will be over. And Codeflippa as much as I love her... Shes going to die.

ANYWAY HAHA

•┈┈┈•┈┈┈•┈┈┈

4. Charlie lore but with Cellbit

(Slash lore 💀)

As many know Cellbit is going fucking crazy. He's sick and fucking TIRED of the federation. They're taking his kids and he wants them back. NOW. Cellbit may not like Codeflippa, but he's not above using someone who he believes is using his friend to his advantage. Thus, using Charlie and his absolute murderous will to tear anything apart living or dead for his daughter. Without hesitation.

"In a heartbeat."

Cellbits will to destroy the federation and get his eggs back and Charlies will to keep flippa with him, f0r3√3r. Make the perfect pair! They're going to commit attrocies together and no matter what they're going to protect their eggs at a moment's notice.

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚

Charlies still in a delusion. Not able to see the glitches falling off of everything he has the capacity to feel.

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧

(Also side note I've been trying to split these up better and organize them so they're easier to read and understand for people who struggle with reading, collecting points easily, and multilinguals cause idk any other (qsmp) languages rn so I can't exactly translate these without Google lol sorry for the lil rant)

#qsmp #codecicle #q!slimecicle #qsmp slimecicle #qsmp charlie slimecicle #juanaflippa #codeflippa #charlie slimecicle #qsmp eggs #qsmp juanaflippa #qsmp event

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soahbee · 1 month

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Story time! The gathering. part 1

Hello girls, I'm here with the update! It is always difficult to write at these times because there is so much going on at these gatherings.

Let me start by saying that I arrived at the party 1 hour late. (I met a friend before that) At first I was sad, but then I didn't mind, because when I arrived the atmosphere was already great, everyone was in a good mood and people were drinking and laughing loudly. (there were a lot of us again) Of course, I didn't take off my coat, I was already looking where R could be. Obviously, I couldn't find him standing at the door, so I quickly started to take off my coat and in the meantime I adjusted my hair in the mirror to be perfect. After that comes the main point and why I didn't regret being late. "You're late dear" - said the voice that made my heart beat faster. R was leaning against the wall with a glass of champagne in his hand, watching me straighten my hair (very awkward situation) Girls, I can't even tell you how attractive he was, he was wearing a black short-sleeved shirt and black linen pants. (I almost tore it off) his hair was slicked back and a few strands hung forward. 😳

So, after that, I greeted him and quickly went through the people and of course, I caught dad in the living room with a big hug. <3 Then, before I even got to the kitchen, a couple of my father's friends caught me and made me drink two half-glass of vodka. bruh😭😭 Well, here comes the point, when I got to the kitchen, R was also standing there talking to a couple of men, and even though I decided not to be shy, somehow I still couldn't start a conversation, so I just poured myself a champagne... In the meantime, dad asked me to make the fruit salad if I was already late (oops) and UHH R came next to me and asked if he would help me cut them up. Of course, I immediately said yes, so we made the fruit salad together!! This part was so good because we talked a lot and it was a great feeling to make a salad together.

I knew from that that he had been drinking more, that he teases me a lot more and skins my face all the time. Even now, when I was about to put the apples in the bowl, he poked my side, causing half of them to fall to the ground, and then he even laughed. He seriously embarrassed me so much with that. But of course I didn't give up and threw a piece of blueberry in his face and we started fighting like five-year-olds. lol But then I stopped when one of the cold blueberries fell under my top and while I was grumpily trying to fish it out, R just grinned and then came closer to me and said.. (girls, don't die) "Can I help you take it out?" ???????!!!!!!!! EXCUSE ME It was a flirt that I couldn't handle, I was so embarrassed and I think he knew what he was doing because he just laughed and said he was just joking. 😭😭 Sir I'm going to die because of you!

So far it's very cute and I'm started to feel really good, but frankly there's always someone who spoils it all. A woman stole R's attention and they started talking, so I finished the fruit salad alone. :(((

But in the meantime I was also talking to people and R had his back to me, we were behind each other's backs the whole time and that's how I heard what they were talking about. In retrospect, maybe I didn't want to hear it... Because it was burned into my memory that R was asked about a woman, what was going on with her/them. ??? HUH? WHAT You can imagine that I was eating a fruit salad, but my fork stuck in my mouth when I heard this. I kind of guessed that R wasn't waiting for me and was goo and dating other women, but it was still very painful to face it.🤧 *crying* I rather filled another glass of champagne and maybe I shouldn't have done that because I could still feel the alcohol a little. (but idc)

I'll continue in another post soon because it would be very long. SORRY AHH Until then, process the events girls, because I haven't succeeded since then. lol 😫😫😫

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warabidakihime · 1 year

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Lost in Paradise

★ characters: uzui tengen x reader X sanemi shinazugawa | modern au

★ plot summary: what happens when two people are left alone in a deserted island with no way of communicating with the outside world? they fall in love, of course.

★ fic playlist: TBA

★ content warnings : smut, profanity, implied adultery/cheating, slightly graphic.

a/n: this was just an idea that came up to me randomly and i immediately want to write it, so here it is. i know i have a lot of fics uploaded at the moment and i'm so behind on updates, but i can't help it. i also miss writing for tengen, but don't worry, once things have finally calmed down, i will get back to writing. i also really don't want to force myself to write as it will affect the quality of the story so i opted to write only when i'm in the mood.

anyway! i hope you enjoy this one the way you enjoyed parallel lines and invisible strings! also, speaking of tengen, the epilogue for invisible strings is currently underway so keep an eye on that too.

as always! comments and feed backs are highly appreciated! <3

“Good afternoon, passengers. This is the pre-boarding announcement for flight 89B to Rome. We are now inviting those passengers with small children and any passengers requiring special assistance to begin boarding at this time. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready. Regular boarding will begin in approximately ten minutes. Thank you.”

"That's our cue. Let's go, babe." You looked up from the book you were reading, still a bit dazed as you were so deep into the novel you were reading. Still, you held out your hand to your fiance, to which Sanemi gladly intertwined your fingers as you walked and boarded the plane.

He looked over to you with a loving smile on his face and said, "Let me guess, you want to sit by the window?"

You giggled, "You know me so well."

"I learned my lesson the last time I took the window seat." Sanemi chuckled

It was during your first anniversary trip to Peru when your fiance took the window seat. You said you didn't mind, but it was written all over your face that you were slightly upset at that time. Since then, Sanemi has let you sit by the window on your succeeding trips.

Window seats are universally loved by nearly everyone, but you have a very specific reason as to why you prefer to sit there than anywhere else. You're a writer yourself, and when you travel, you like to look around as much as possible in hopes of finding your next inspiration for your next novel. It can be something as miniscule as a street sign or something grandiose like witnessing someone get proposed to.

Your last novel was inspired by a woman jogging with her golden retriever, and as usual, your book was a success and was hailed as your best-selling piece. You won multiple awards, held multiple book signings both locally and internationally, and guested on multiple interviews. Just a few years ago, your debut novel was turned into a movie, and it was a blockbuster hit.

"And that's why you're the best fiance ever." you said as you gave him a smooch on the cheeks after settling down on your seat.

"I used to love being called the best boyfriend ever, but being called the best fiance is better."

"Wait til I call you the best husband ever after we get married." You said with a chuckle.

"Oh, I would love that. Can't wait to see you walk down that aisle; just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes." Sanemi confessed as he sported a dreamy look on his face, to which you responded by giving him another kiss, but on his lips this time.

"Me too, baby."

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome onboard Flight 89B with service from Tokyo to Rome. We are currently third in line for takeoff and are expected to be in the air in approximately fourteen hours time. We ask that you please fasten your seatbelts at this time and secure all baggage underneath your seat or in the overhead compartments. We also ask that your seats and table trays be in the upright position for takeoff. Please turn off all personal electronic devices, including laptops and cell phones. Smoking is prohibited for the duration of the flight. Thank you for choosing Japan Airlines. Enjoy your flight.”

You met Sanemi through a mutual friend when he tagged along on your trip to Okinawa. He was the best friend of your best friend's boyfriend. You didn't like him at first because he was so grouchy when you first met, but as you got to know him more over the trip, you realized he was just as soft as he was gruff; it's just not his style to be upfront about his emotions.

Sanemi was the first to confess.

After your trip to Okinawa, you gave each other's phone numbers and social media profiles and have kept in touch ever since. You're not one to spend ungodly hours on your phone, but after meeting him, you would check your phone for any notifications from him. It came to a point where you would check your phone first thing in the morning after waking up.

Sanemi fell first, but you definitely fell harder.

Mitsuri, your best friend showed no mercy in teasing you when you first opened up about your budding infatuation towards his friend because you really did dislike him when you first met him.

You were so hellbent on not associating yourself with Sanemi ever again, but here you are, three years later, happily engaged to him.

Love truly moves in mysterious ways.

Sanemi kissed you back, "I love you so much. Thank you for saying yes."

Feeling your own tears well up in your eyes, you tried to brush it off by giggling, "I love you too, Sanemi."

Three hours into your flight from Tokyo to Rome, your book had been forgotten, and you were now snuggled close to Sanemi, who was reading the newest reports about his favorite basketball team on his tablet. He was also doing some extra work to kill time.

You don't know shit about basketball or sports in general, but you don't mind listening to him babble on about his hobbies the way he would listen to you fangirl about the novels you've been reading.

While he watched the video, he had one arm comfortably wrapped around your shoulders, lulling you to sleep as he urged you to take a nap because you wouldn't be able to reach your destination for another eleven hours or so.

You were finally sound asleep when the pilot's voice broke out across the plane, his voice clearly tinged with urgency.

"Good day, everyone. I'm sorry to interrupt your peaceful trip, but I'd like to let everyone know that we will be experiencing some hard turbulence, but don't worry, we will do our best to keep everyone safe. Make sure your seatbelts are properly fastened—"

Everything unfolded so quickly.

You were about to turn to face Sanemi when he seized you in his arms, and everything went black in an instant.

“Y/N!!!”

You screamed as you bolted awake from your deep slumber

"Oh, you're finally awake."

taglist: @milkyybuns trishiepo0 @babygirl-panda19 @hypnocountrymusicfunnyfan @exodarkwolf16 @qdreamueen @vesta-ro

Next Chapter

Read my other Tengen Fics:

Parallel Lines

Invisible Strings (Parallel Lines Sequel)

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gatheredfates · 3 months

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SEA'S COMMUNITY COMPENDIUM UPDATE

I've decided to use this kind of layout for updates going forward! Hopefully it's easy to read / digest for anyone who might be interested.

As of today (02/06) I have added the following communities.

LARGE SCALE

Fisherman's Horizon added

Sights of Eorzea added

FREE COMPANY & COMMUNITY FOCUSED

The Starlight Initiative added (also includes @starlightinitiative).

MISC

FFXIV Event Calendar added (also includes a link to @balmungrpcalendar and patreon).

I have also overhauled the Google Form to be friendlier when it comes to people submitting Large Scale and Miscellaneous resources/servers. The major changes are the clarification around short-blurbs (you can just copy paste a sites' blurb or a discords' about us), the ability to put N/A for a contact, and a tick-box agreement that the community or resource is publicly available and endorsed as such. That way people may not feel as daunted to submit things that aren't theirs. This only applies for these two categories, though; I still require permission from owners/admins for the other categories.

I am still on the hunt for Free Company & Community Focused Servers (including events) and Friend / Casual servers. If you are a part of a server that falls under these parameters, consider getting in touch with your admins to submit to the Compendium! They do not need to be on Tumblr to submit; I just ask that a contact be provided should I need to get in touch about activity/updates. If they're cool with a weird, out of the blue discord friend-request that may or may not happen in the next few months, volunteer them. >:)

I also don't mind if people want to link the compendium in their discord(s). Though my focus is on Tumblr, the main idea is to have a resource that isn't locked behind Discord. If you link this on your discord to find other discords... that's okay with me!

I am undecided on whether or not I want to include mod servers at this point. If I'm being honest, I don't keep up with them, and I know a lot are defunct due to their owners abandoning them or drama around the teams. If there is enough demand, I'll include them. Right now, the only one I'm likely to consider is the Dalamud launcher and I want to marinate on whether it's worth it some more.

I may consider an email or alternative contact as well if the project gets large enough and not everyone uses Tumblr. In the meantime, you can message me here or just DM/@ me on ofsaltandseas on Twitter.

#｡･ﾟﾟ･ — sea's community compendium #｡･ﾟﾟ･ — sea speaks

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momentaryescape · 1 year

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I'm Comin' Over

Jay Halstead x Reader Word Count: 853 Warnings: None Authors Note: This is the first of a One Chicago mini-series based on the "Im Comin' Over" album

Jay was in the car before he even picked up the phone. He knew he shouldn’t, that after your last goodbye that should have been it. But no matter how many times he told himself not to, he would still drop everything for you. Neither of you could fully let go. He thought “to hell with closure” as he ran every red light he hit. Closure could wait, you needed him, and he needed you.

——————

You called him after a hard day working at Med with the patients of a massive incident that Intelligence had been called in on. Every time Maggie called out that a patient was coming in you were scared Jay would be the one on the stretcher. Will was the only one who knew that you and Jay had been together, and he knew by the look on your face what you were thinking.

“He’s okay y/n. I just got off the phone with him, and he told me they were safe.” He gave you a nod before walking away to go check on more patients.

For the next god knows how many hours you and the rest of the ED helped patch people. Will kept you updated when he heard from Jay. You didn't know but he was also keeping Jay updated on you as well. You loved your job but on days like this one when there are more patients than you can count you get overwhelmed and never talk to anyone, knowing others have it worse. Jay was the only person who could get you to open up.

——————

When your name flashed on his screen he knew you needed him. This wasn't the first time one of you had called the other, but this was the first time it was for something neither of you could avoid.

“Hey y/n” His voice was soft.

“Hi, Jay. Do you uh..do you think you can talk to me? I need to talk to someone.” The sound of your voice reminds Jay of the night he would hold you as you let it all out. The times you would fall asleep and dream of what your future with him would look like before it was over.

“Always.” You broke down when he said that. “Today was rough, I uh…every time someone came in I was scared that it was you. That something happened and you were injured. But please Jay, I know moving on was getting closer, but I need you.” Your voice shook, trying not to cry.

“To hell with closure. You need me y/n. We can save it for another time.” You were his world, even if you weren’t his anymore.No matter what he would be there for you.

——————

When he knocked on your door you jumped. You had gotten off the phone with him when he was around the corner from your apartment. In the few minutes since the call ended, you had zoned out, replaying the day in your head on repeat. The fear you felt every time a new person was rushed in that it would be Jay.

Opening your door you instantly fall into his arms. The mask you had been wearing all day was no longer on. He guided the two of you into the house, locking the door behind you before making his way to your couch. Sitting down next to you he wraps his arms around you pulling you into him. Neither of you talks, the only sound in the room is the soft sob you let out into his chest. Tears marking their presence on his shirt. Pulling you closer, he places a kiss on the top of your head. After a while you look up at him, breaking the silence. “I'm sorry for making you come all the way over here.” He shifts, causing you to sit up. He turns so you are sitting facing each other.

“You never have to apologize for calling me or needing me. You are the most important thing to me. I will always be there for you. Night or Day. No matter how many times we say it's over I will always say fuck the closure. We keep coming back to each other, the fear you had of me being rushed into the ED is the same fear I get every time a victim matches your description. I don’t want to pretend that I don't care about you and that I'm happy without you.” He lifts your chin so you are looking at him. “You are my everything y/n. If you’re willing, we can try this again. This time we can do it right.” Leaning forward, your lips meeting his. His hand moved to cup your cheek.

When you pull away you smile at him. “I love you, Jay Halstead. And I want nothing more than for you to be mine again. This time through thick and thin. I don't want to lose you again.”

“You never lost me y/n. I promise to love you till the end.” He says pulling you in for another kiss.

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flightfoot · 10 months

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Miraculous Fanfic Recs for ongoing Miraculous fics

So I got an ask requesting me to give some ML fic recs, so I decided to focus on some ongoing Miraculous fics! All of these have updated within the past two months. Feel free to tag anyone who I didn't know the tumblr username of!

Boulangerella by @aidanchaser

Once upon a time, magic was wild. The two princes of the kingdom have been tasked with choosing their brides by the end of their 21st birthday celebrations. Crown Prince Adrien Agreste will have to choose between a woman who can protect his kingdom, a woman offering the power to wake his sleeping mother, and the woman he has loved and admired for the past year. Then there's also the seamstress that he is suddenly falling for. By the time he realizes he doesn't have the power to choose at all, it may be too late.

Kind of a Medieval Fantasy AU here, though with more resemblance to regular Miraculous than I normally expect with such AUs. Kwamis are actually fae, but aside from needing some sort of "deal" in order for humans to draw out their power, they function mostly the same, with Ladybug and Chat Noir being activated in order to help fight against Hawk Moth, even.

Oh yeah, this fic was written pre-S4, so there's some oddities because of that, like Felix actually having a good father, for instance. Adrien and Felix are both still sentimonsters though.

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Lows And Highs (Of Adrien Agreste) by @blackcatsbutterflies

Adrien Agreste- Teenage supermodel, son of Gabriel Agreste, hero of Paris... Type One Diabetic. When Adrien is diagnosed with a chronic illness, he goes through the mental struggles of dealing with this new life. Nothing will ever be the same again, and if anyone were to find out, he'd be humiliated. The world would find him repulsing. Who would want to love someone who was constantly giving themselves shots? Marinette would. (Based off my real life, when I was diagnosed at 13 years old.) TW: Mentions of drugs (no one does them) and the following stuff that will appear in chapters: - Needles - Blood - Paralysis - Seizures - Fainting

Oh man this one is a real treat! I know some basic stuff about diabetes, but not so much what people's day-to-day lives are like, so it was interesting watching Adrien go through this, what he has to do nowadays in order to, well, live. And since he only just got diagnosed, he's going through major lifestyle changes which is pretty overwhelming, and he's feeling pretty awful about it because well, this is gonna hit hard. Though thankfully, Marinette is able to help quite a bit.

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Bell the Cat by @heartfulselkie

Ladybug is the Miraculous Hero of Gallia. She has spent the past number of years fighting the minions of the tyrant Hawk Moth, only for the war to come to an abrupt end. News reveals that Hawk Moth was brutally slain by his own champion and captain of his own elite guard - the infamous knight Chat Blanc, known to wield pure destructon itself. With the disintegration of Hawk Moth's army, Chat Blanc is captured and imprisoned until his certain execution. Being a beloved hero and instrumental in the realm's defences during the war, Ladybug is offered a reward of her choosing. Instead of choosing a title or luxuries as expected she chooses...custody of Chat Blanc??? A new threat is rising in the chasm Hawk Moth left behind, and Ladybug believes Chat Blanc's knowledge and skill will be vital in what's to come. And perhaps he could also answer some questions that have plagued her since even before the war with Hawk Moth began..

This fic is awesome so far, I adore a good enemies AU and Fantasy AU, so both of them together is great! There's a lot we don't know yet, like the specifics of how akumas work in this AU, but I'm eager to know more. Just as Ladybug's eager to try to find out what happened to an old childhood friend of hers who vanished around the time Hawk Moth rose to power...

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Madness series by @consistent-chaos-corporation

Summary for "Found", the first multichapter installment in the series:

Chat Noir and Ladybug need to tie up some loose ends. Unfortunately, one of those ends is Felix.

I've really been enjoying my time with this series, and if you like Felix-focused fics, you might too! In this universe, Nooroo and Duusu actually used to play with Felix and Adrien when they were little, but Gabriel made Adrien forget that happened - Gabriel and Emilie edited out a lot of little inconvenient things from Adrien's memory, as it turns out.

Anyway, we mostly follow Felix post-Strike Back as he figures out what to do now that he has the Peacock Miraculous. The heroes bursting in and confronting him about it kinda forces his hand.

He goes through a lot of character development here, which I adore, especially when it comes to realizing "oh crap, I sold out living beings to someone who I knew would mistreat them." This series tackled that subject better than any other fanfic I've seen, with Felix directly helping to recover the Miraculous and free the kwami, feelings guilty upon realizing how badly Gabriel had hurt them, and having to deal with a lot of the kwami not liking or trusting him for very justifiable reasons - though they ARE willing to understand why he did what he did.

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Kintsugi - The Beauty in Broken Things by @xaran-alamas

When freed from Mayura's control, and given a chance at a normal life, the Sentimonster clone of Ladybug must learn what it is to be not only a hero, but also a human being, and part of a family. Meanwhile Marinette needs to figure out what to do with a hyper-energetic Kwami with a broken Miraculous. Updates Sundays and Wednesdays

I've always loved Sentibug Lives AUs (as you might guess from my having written two fics where she gets to stick around), and this is one of the best ones I've seen, and certainly the longest.

I love how we get to follow Centi (as she names herself) as she tries to figure out what to do now that she exists and is likely to stay that way, and as she tries to cope with the knowledge that her creator controlled her and when she disobeyed, tried to kill her. She's a nicely developed OC, her feelings are really delved into!

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Not Part of the Plan by @kasienda

“What’s wrong, Marinette?” Marinette wiped her tears with her sleeve, and pulled away just enough to reach into her pocket. She gripped the pregnancy test and held it out to her mother. Sabine’s eyes widened as she took in the results of the test in her hand. Her gaze flashed back up to Marinette’s. “You’re pregnant.” And it wasn’t a question, but it was enough to send Marinette into devastated tears once again. Her mother pulled her back into the hug and just held her. “It’s going to be okay.”

Teen pregnancy fic here, which I know isn't everyone's cup of tea. I love how everyone comes together to help figure out what to do and to offer support - and not just to Marinette either, since Adrien's about to be a father as well.

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True Blue by @rosie-b

Golden Bug and Chat Grise are the heroes of Paris, fighting to protect civilians from Hawk Moth and his akumas. Marinette is Gabriel Agreste’s young apprentice, training under the famous designer to become the next big name in fashion. But one day, Marinette finds an open safe with a beautiful peacock brooch in it... and suddenly, she’s not sure who the villain is anymore.

I love Enemies AU, as I've already mentioned. This is a more unusual one, with MARINETTE being the one on Hawk Moth's side instead of Adrien. I love how Rosie painstakingly weaves together Gabriel's manipulation and lies so you could actually believe that Marinette might be willing to help him - maybe not very enthusiastically, but believing that it's the best option she has. It's pretty impressive!

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The Beauty of a Rose by properjitterbug

In the small town of Bellerose, Marinette and Adrien are childhood friends while secretly pining for each other. They lead happy lives until one day a long, forgotten promise is stirred awake; changing their lives in ways they couldn't imagine. With time marching on, Marinette is left to chase after ghosts of her past as a strange creature appears in the depths of the mysterious forest. Arc 1: Chapters 1-11: Complete Arc 2: Chapters 12-?: In Progress -- Werecat!Adrien x Marinette

Fair warning, this is an M-rated fic, and it earns that M rating, given it has several extensive sex scenes.

Anyway, I love a good fairy tale AU, and this is one of the better ones I've seen. I love how it's clearly inspired by Beauty and the Beast, but doesn't constrain itself by it. Adrien is not a jerk nor does he capture Marinette. Instead he randomly changes into a Werecat and is abandoned by his family, mistaken for a lumbering beast by the townsfolk, left alone for a year - until Marinette comes to visit the Agreste mansion, the home of her friend who just suddenly left one day, and she sees him in his werecat form...

I love this, Marinette is drawn to Chat, even with him looking pretty terrifying. Adrien's pretty insecure about his whole situation, but slowly opens up as he gets to reconnect with Marinette.

#miraculous ladybug #ml fanfic rec

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sailor-aviator · 6 months

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PSA

Hey, really quick...

Please stop asking me when I'm updating things. I know you guys are excited, and I'm really glad that you guys love these stories so much! But, I also have a life outside of this website (believe it or not). I'm starting a new job on Monday, and then I work my retail job on the weekends. That means I'm literally working seven days a week right now. I won't have a day off until Thanksgiving (Nov 24 for my non-American followers) and then I go right back to working.

I love writing, I do, but when I get asked when something is going to be updated, it makes me not want to touch that story for even longer. Yay executive dysfunction!! Anyway, every time one of you asks me when I'm updating a fic, it's going to take that much longer for me to update it.

Also, this is in no way related to the messages asking me WHY I'm not updating something or WHY something is on pause. This is directed at the people sending me direct messages saying "When are you updating x?" or "You haven't updated x in a while" or "Your timelines are falling behind. You might want to fix that."

Like, I'm fully aware that two of my stories are getting more attention right now. That's because I'm more inspired to write for them at the moment. And when they're done, it'll probably be your story next! Please just let me write in peace because I'm stressed out about life enough as it is, and I don't want to start hating what I love doing so much.

Anyway, I hope this didn't come off as mean or anything. I just wanted y'all to be aware of some things.

#dhtn #don't hang'em til noon #hbam #hanging by a moment #atg #all that glitters #otd #outrun the devil #sits #singing in the sanctuary #fool's fare #ff #mmats #meet me at the sea

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epithetical · 3 months

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2024 UPDATE (OFFICIAL)

Hey, everyone. Longtime no talk. Despite being weirdly active on this account, I haven't really made any textposts since high school. So I've decided to fix this by giving a gigantic update post about my very busy 2023. If you're new and don't know anything about me, or knew me as a teen and are wondering what I'm up to now: buckle up.

TL;DR:

Dropped out of art school. Released an award-nominated(???) dating sim, ValiDate. Killed the Golden Girls Take Manhattan DX. Conquered Jaw Explosion Disease. Hung out with some friends. (Also, a lot of NDA shit that I can’t talk about.)

ART-SCHOOL DROPOUT

From 2021 to 2022, I was attending a prestigious and overly-expensive art school for their (brand new!) game design program. When I first graduated from high school, this college was my dream choice, and coming off the success of my early game dev career, it seemed like a perfect opportunity to polish my skills while I kept working on the side. My first commercial game was still in development, but we were feeling comfortable, and I felt like getting greedy.

Pride before the fall. Full Icarus mode. You know how it goes.

The school itself was…alright. Satellite campus, mid-pandemic, hybrid learning. Close enough to commute comfortably, classes just long enough for masks to not give me a headache, and the handful of remote courses helped keep my medical problems at bay. Problems that the school was a little unequipped to help with, though the disability office did their best. I had to drop a class because my body, at the time, couldn’t handle eight hours of classes without some Crazy Side Effects.

(Keep in mind that every class was, minimum, four hours. And I had to take at least five a semester. Each class also saw me make an entire game from scratch. My body was already at its limit.)

If you knew me in high school, you’re probably waiting for the shoe to drop: I was, famously, the worst at academics. Never did homework, rarely finished projects, slept through first period at least once a week. Surprise, though: I was fucking great at this. My GPA doubled. Turns out that going to school for a discipline you already have a career in, and are kinda obsessed with, kinda does wonders for you. Unfortunately, I picked the worst time to care about school, since my commercial game’s release was the same exact night that my five school games were due.

TL;DR, I didn’t sleep for a week, almost fucked both up, and got burnout so bad that I couldn’t do anything for a calendar year. So I dropped out! Now, about a year of job hunting later (the game’s industry is imploding right now, and the only studios that considered me were… questionable, to say the least), the expensive art school wants me back. So badly. Turns out the whole school is so broke and understaffed right now that they’re basically chomping at the bit for that tuition money. Got a week to decide. Jury’s still out.

VALIDATE POST-MORTEM

So, if you couldn’t tell from the above section, we released a game in 2022! I was supposed to write a post-mortem for it, but… burnout from the above, combined with general “post-release depression,” and I didn’t feel like touching it.

Part of me still doesn’t!

Yet I kinda think the feeling of me not wanting to talk about ValiDate is still worth discussing, so here we go:

For those of you that aren’t aware, I was a head dev on ValiDate, a dating sim that released in 2022. Volume 1 (of 3) did, anyway.

Did a lot of music, did a lot of writing, created some characters people really care about, created some characters people really want to fuck, made a couple Tweets that my boss hated, got accused of being reverse racist a few times. It was truly one of the most exciting and rewarding experiences of my life. And, yes, we’re still working on Vol. 2 behind the scenes.

That’s actually the reason why it’s kinda hard to talk about Vol. 1!

It was my first commercial game, my first publicly released game, and I think there’s always gonna be a… natural embarrassment toward your first “real” project. Combine that with my natural “if you stare at me for too long, I will kill myself” tendencies, and the game’s release was a special type of torture. It’s one thing to watch people play through a game that you poured your blood, sweat, and tears into, knowing full well that they might hate it (or just misunderstand it), but shit gets so much worse when you know that you could have done better.

It’s a very special kind of psychological torture to have creative decisions you feel were mistakes, things you half-assed because of burnout or deadlines, or things you did wrong because you just didn’t know any better! The embarrassment was overwhelming, so I just… dipped for a while. Didn’t watch gameplay or read reviews, didn’t do much of anything.

Took me a while to realize that me being embarrassed about the project isn’t because ValiDate was bad or anything. I was embarrassed because it was an incredible learning opportunity for me. The amount that I picked up on game design, community management, leadership, marketing, pitching, porting, etc. in two years is more than any school could teach you in four. Volume 1 was a game made by amateurs, still wet behind the ears, trying to build something from grassroots.

But Volume 2 is a game-ass game.

And having done all the work we have on Vol. 2 (which, while I can’t talk about it publicly, is a lot!), looking back at our first release feels like… revisiting your awkward middle school photos. Sometimes it’s hard to not feel contempt for who you were when your biggest struggle was becoming, but learning to choke down that shame? It taught me to feel grateful for the you of yesterday, who clawed their way through uncertainty so that you, today, can stand on sturdier ground. Growing up is embarrassing, and it turns out you keep doing it well into your twenties! Sucks.

For the past few days, Dani and I have been watching a Twitch streamer play through Volume 1. We’ve been so deep in planning for the future that we figured, hey, may as well revisit the past. Detached from all that embarrassment of becoming, I gotta admit: we made a fun little dating sim. People like it. Hell, I like it. Sure, I know all of its flaws and shortcuts, and I have my fair share of critiques… but fact of the matter is, if I have a problem with something, I can just fix it.

Admittedly, In the past, that attitude of mine has actually been more of a problem than a solution. “I can fix this myself!” is all fine and good when you’re a solo dev trying to throw something together, but it turns out taking on excess responsibility in a collaborative setting is a way to make shit suck for you and your team. During the Kickstarter demo era, I was literally on every team besides art. Writing, programming, music, I got my fingers in all those pies. It was fun to me, and more importantly, it was sustainable.

Until it wasn’t.

Volume 1 coinciding with my tenure at [art school], using a (finicky and, frankly, shitty) new game engine, being much larger in scope, introducing minigames (which, surprise, I was team lead on)... I pretty much killed myself trying to get it all done. Honestly, I blame half of our day-one bugfixes on me specifically. Every single one of them was an oversight made because I was pulling the classic “I’m unmedicated so crunching is the only way I can feel alive” type shit.

Except for the OST. That one sucked because art school sucks all the joy out of creating.

Happy to say that our workflow for Volume 2 has been much more sustainable for me, even if I’ve officially broken my “no art” rule for it. Yeah, turns out I’m finally making use of that animation major. Sucks.

Self reflection over. Except for one last note:

If you’ve followed ValiDate, played our demo, donated to the Kickstarter, replied to our Tweets, played our second demo, bought our game, or just talked about us to a friend… I am so, so grateful. Beyond what words could possibly describe. It’s been my dream for as long as I can remember become a game developer, and I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you guys. Vd8 wasn’t what I expected the cornerstone of my career to be, but honestly? I couldn’t have asked for a better one. We have Vriska in our game. How many people can possibly say that?

And to those of you still waiting for Volume 2:

You haven’t seen anything yet.

GAYMING AWARDS

Speaking of ValiDate… Did you hear we were nominated for some Gayming Awards last year? We were!

Three other head Vd8 devs (Dani: Production, Alexis: Art, Cam: Code) flew out to beautiful New York City for the award show last March, which was actually our first time actually meeting up IRL. Really funny how I’ve known Dani since I was fifteen, but here we were, a decade later, finally meeting face to face. She’s so much taller in person. I’m still taller, but barely.

Meeting up with internet friends is one thing (and more on that later!), but meeting up with internet coworkers? It’s interesting. This was the first moment that ValiDate felt “real,” seeing as it was suddenly important enough to give us comp’d flights and a hotel room, but more than that: the people I’ve been working with for years exist? We’re all hanging out together? We’re wandering through Manhattan all day? We’re eating the most disgusting food at Junior’s in Times Square? We’re trying to figure out what this mystery liquid is? How much did this food cost again? (Seriously, my onion rings were 90% dough and 10% onion.)

While I won’t bore you with the minutiae—I think my friends would prefer the privacy anyway—the entire trip to NYC was fun, exhausting, and a dream-come-true.

Except for that goddamn award show. Jesus CHRIST, what a trainwreck.

No, I’m not saying that just because we lost. We did lose, though. (Personally, I was fine with it, but I also had to travel the least distance to get there. So…) I’m saying that because the entire Gayming Awards industrial complex was, uh, kinda busted this year?

So imagine, you’re us: bunch of twenty-somethings on your Sex and the City shit. Big award show tonight, formal attire. We’re talking high heels, long dresses, full suits, the whole nine yards. Now what do you do in Manhattan? Walk. Sure, we weren’t walking in formal attire the entire time, but it was still a good five blocks to the award center where—wait, what do you mean they relocated the ceremony? The hall they rented is closed for mysterious reasons? Where the hell are we doing the award show?

If you answered “the drag bar where the afterparty was supposed to take place,” congrats, here’s $20. Way further away from our hotel, which meant more walking, and also a way smaller venue with a lot less… formality, let’s say. But we’re young gay people, we don’t care about formalities, who gives a shit! As long as it can seat all of us, then—oh there’s no seating. Ohhhh. Oh! Okay.

I’ll admit, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. There were a handful of couches, VIPs only. Realizing quickly that, oh shit, we’re VIPs, we managed to snag some front-seat couches before any of the pesky old people could. (We’re young! We deserve to sit! You’ve had your entire lives to sit, established games industry people! Let the new generation have a turn!) Unfortunately, when I got up to cash in my free-drink voucher, my seat was stolen by some white lady.

So I sat on the floor.

March 2023. You, sitting at home, have decided to tune into the Gayming Awards “live” on Twitch, curious to see what Britain’s premiere gayming magazine had to say about, uh, esports.

This is important to you.

Fortunately, this year you’re watching a decently shot and scripted award show filmed in a (noticeably claustrophobic) little bar, complete with charming presenters (many of whom are local drag queens) and a myriad of corporate sponsors. You can hardly tell that the entire show was uprooted and moved hours prior!

Yet, for some reason, whenever the cameras cut to the audience… There’s some large man, right in front of the crowd, slumped down on the floor as if he’s bleeding out. With every award given, his clapping grows weaker. The more the camera cuts to him, the more life drains from his body, as if his existence itself is anathema to “gayming.”

Imagine, for a moment, that this man is nominated for an award.

Imagine that he, after a lifetime of potassium deficiency, has been teetering on the edge of a Charlie Horse Reckoning for hours.

Imagine that the microsecond that his game’s name is called as a nominee, the Reckoning begins.

Now imagine a world where he wins that award.

A world where he is forced to stand—from his corpse’s rightful place on the ground!—in front of his peers and superiors, pretending as if he’s not afflicted with a life-ending muscle cramp.

So, yeah. I was pretty fine with losing.

Later, we ditched the “afterparty” to drink at Applebees. (Turns out “green tea shots” don’t have any green tea in ‘em?)

EULOGY FOR THE GOLDEN GIRLS TAKE MANHATTAN DX

Big announcement! I was a team lead on The Golden Girls Take Manhattan DX, a certified Tumblr Gold™ fan-project (by the immortal Grawly) about the eponymous Gold Girls in a Persona-esque parody game!

Slightly bigger announcement! The game got cancelled. Sorry.

Feels a little weird talking about this, since the year-ish I spent working on the game passed in the blink of an eye, and I’m not going to lie and say that I was an instrumental piece of the team or whatever. I was lucky enough to lead a very talented team, and to play with some very fun devtools, but the game was definitely more important to me than I was to it. (Grawly, if by some off-chance you’re reading this, please click off now. You can peek back in at the Jaw Explosion Disease subheader. I promise I’m very nice and respectful.)

I was in high school when I was first made aware of TGGTMDX. My friend group was very into Persona (in the pre-P5 days), and one of our favorite video subgenres was “videogame UI on top of sitcom scenes.” It didn’t take us long to stumble onto early-build footage of TGGTMDX on Tumblr, and what spawned was a years-long fascination. I’d even consider it one of my many… game dev awakenings? The idea that the only thing stopping me from making “American Persona”—one of my many white whales—was commitment to the bit. Just one of the many things that fueled my teenaged suicidal overconfidence.

Speaking of suicidal overconfidence, about a decade later, I was invited to work on the game! Coming fresh off ValiDate, I was desperate for a chance to make a real portfolio piece (visual novels, while popular, will never get you a job), and this sort of opportunity only presents itself once in a lifetime. Fulfilling a teenage dream while furthering your career? What could possibly go wrong!

That makes it seem like there was some explosive drama behind the scenes that ruined everything. Sorry to say that most game cancellations aren’t that exciting, and that this game’s death was by a thousand microscopic cuts. Most of which are not my place to talk about: this game wasn’t my baby, and cancelling it wasn’t my choice to make! Many people worked on this for much, much longer than I even knew how to code, and they deserve to have their feelings prioritized. Whenever that post mortem gets published, I’ll be the first to reblog it, trust me.

Instead, I’d prefer to talk a little about this as being my first real “loss” as a game dev. Certainly not my first project to go under, and I’ve had my fair share of shelved prototypes, but something about this cancellation was… different. Working on your dream project is all fun and games until you feel partially responsible for it dying, y’know? It felt Sisyphean at a point, like trying to dig a hole in the sand with a pitchfork. I would work at the game, and work at the game, but nothing I did felt like it made a dent.

Part of me knew I wasn’t giving it my all, between the school-based burnout (above), jaw explosion disease (below), and ValiDate (omnipresent), it’s not like I could’ve afforded to put more of myself into it. Besides, I was literally a team lead, half my job was telling other people what to do. But the spectre of “you’re not doing enough” was hard to shake. Even when all these other responsibilities ebbed and I could afford to give this game my all, the difference felt minimal.

We spend a lot of time pitying Sisyphus for having to push that boulder uphill over and over, but none of us ask ourselves “could we even move that big fucking rock in the first place?” Apparently, I couldn’t.

I wasn’t the only one that felt that way, it turned out. In fact, pretty much all the friends I made on the project felt the same. If there’s any “real” reason why the project got cancelled, it’s that. No big falling out, Disney didn’t give us a cease and desist, no secret rebrand going on in the background. Just a bunch of lads getting sick of pushing a boulder. Hell, Grawly’s been doing it for a decade. Let him rest.

Not too much rest, though: we’re already working on a different game together (Date Knight: check it out if you haven’t!), and some of us ex-Golden Girls devs have some ideas for what else we can cook up.

For money, this time.

JAW EXPLOSION DISEASE

Probably the biggest “development” of 2023 was my sudden horrible nerve pain in July, which started as a sinus infection on the left side of my face, and soon became a horrific jaw pain. Long after my sinus infection healed, the jaw pain remained, which is a pretty bad hand to draw when a considerable portion of your day is spent “talking,” or “eating.” So, for the back half of 2023, I didn’t do much of either.

Instead, I had to take a considerable amount of ibuprofen, visit one doctor, three dentists, two hospitals, and four oral surgeons to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. The dentists discovered an exposed nerve, caused by wisdom tooth removal complications (sick!), the oral surgeons went “okay, we can fix that,” got me all numbed up. But it turns out that my left jaw is immune to local anesthesia! Thinking this was an infection, they kept putting me on antibiotics over and over in the hopes that it’d suddenly work. Took a note from my childhood dentist explaining that, “no, he’s always been like this” to find a surgeon willing to put me all the way under. (And then, the first time they tried, I woke up in the middle anyway! I got a full refund on the copay, at least.)

Ultimately, I found a very nice surgeon in December that treated me same-day, and did it perfectly, but the damage to my liver from all that ibuprofen was… bad. But it turns out that livers just… regenerate naturally? So, give it a few months, I’ll be at 100%. Hopefully.

OOMFCON

Hilariously, six months after we met up for the Gayming Awards, Dani and Alexis found their way back to NYC for a little combination meet-up/vacation we affectionately titled “Oomfcon 2023.” This time, with bonus friends! Our entire friend server, whose name I’ve been advised not to post publicly, had rented an AirBnB for anyone willing to drop everything and go to Brooklyn.

It took about a year of planning (mostly by Alexis) to get us all out there, but Jesus Christ, it actually worked.

Admittedly I’m a bit hesitant to talk at length about “taking a vacation”—even though I’m already… from here?—but it really was the highlight of my year. First for actually happening, when most friend groups I’ve had would have written the idea off as a pipedream, but mostly for being a really good time. A lot of walking, a lot of talking, a lot of drinking, a lot of dining. (This was during Jaw Explosion Disease, so you can imagine how my body took most of that.)

To Dani, Alexis, Miles, Haven, Grim, Xtine, and Ty: thanks for coming up here! The city is a lot more boring without you guys in it. I promise to have less health issues when we do this again!

And to everyone else outside the groupchat that I met and bored with my job hunt stories: Nice meeting you guys! Sorry that fate decided every single one of you is forced to keep in touch with me. (And I didn’t even get the shitty corporate job!)

#save.#this is a lot longer than i wanted it to be; but i had a lot to say.#turns out i actually have a lot of tumblr followers. so. time to actually engage with them.

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ineeddream25 · 2 years

Text

Discussion plan gone wrong

[SAGAU! Imposter Reader]

Veritas Inter Astra

[Before]

Tw : Contains Violence

Welp, this is it. This is the continuation. Have it folks. I'll surely be updating this in the future but IDK how long. cuz currently, I'm still preparing for a college entrance exam. Hopefully, this will suffice for now. If you have any ideas, complain, or brain-rot, feel free! Oh, Ayato simps be winning in this chapter lol.

Faith is a sacred thing. It is holy, full of loyalty, and something that roots deep within people's hearts that serves as a guide. Guide on how they live their life. Guide on how they choose their morality and how to treat someone. Like how to treat a person like you! Who is mistaken as an imposter?

You are aware of the looks given to you. Those Shuumatsuban ninjas didn't even hide their glare while escorting you and Ayato. You grumbled. All this ordeal has left you very exhausted. Waking up in the middle of the storms, getting attacked, and now having to walk a long way to The Kamisato Estate. Yeah, you'd like to take a bath and maybe some warm food.

After navigating through the Chinju forest, your group arrived at the gate of The Kamisato Estate. You heard comments from the NPCs about how beautiful this place is. It seems they are not exaggerating after all.

You gasped. The sheer luxury of this place is up a notch. The soft glow of the lantern as the sky slowly turns to dark blue is beautiful. As if they are guiding you to this fine architecture. The soft blows of the wind with a hint of saltiness from the sea are also very refreshing. You stood in awe. Your ordinary self feels intimidated by the presence of this place alone. You, whom some moments ago, are just someone who tries to pay the rent of your apartment. You backed up a little, discomfort and insecurities filling your heart. Are you allowed to stay in this place? Your mother once look at you apartement and literally said “Damn you lived like this?” Once. Hey, That time it’s because exam week, you’re way too busy with your grades to care.

"Ayato, are you sure it's okay for me to be here?" you asked in doubt. Sure, when you played the game, you have always wanted to visit this place yourself. Honestly, who wouldn't? If you're honest, sometimes you would think, "How does it feel to live in such a luxurious place?" The thought always made you giddy and smile from the excitement. But now, after seeing the real thing, you're not so sure. Ayato smiled, not his usual political smile, but one genuine, full of love and adoration. It makes you uncomfortable. You didn't feel... worthy.

Before he could answer, one of his ninjas, though scared, snapped back at you. "You dare refer to Lord Kamisato so casually like that? Filthy imposter, you should know your place!"

You flinched back. You don't have enough energy to bicker back, and your anxiety's spiking up. The wind blows fast and harsher. You squeezed your hand so hard it turned white. You can handle people being mean to you, but that doesn't mean you don't feel hurt. You ignore the wind that starts getting restless, the trees trashing around along with the wind.

"Look, Ayato-- Lord Kamisato. I appreciate your thoughts." You bowed, apologizing. "But it seems that I won't be received well in your place. I'll go back with Nobu and continue my travel with them--"

"Shut up." You flinched, not daring to look up. Ayato's voice is devoid of any warmth.

Did you mess up somewhere? Did your bow is disrespectful? You heard little gasps behind you as well. Oh no, you definitely messed up.

But I don't want to die.

An idea pops through your head

Hey, I can apologize! He will forgive me, right?

You stand up straight, expecting Ayato to glare at you.

Only to see a body stumbles in front of you and fall to the ground. His face was pale as paper. You scream and walk back. The sight of it scares you, but you can't help your sense of morality to help him.

"IS HE DEAD?!" You scrambled to him, grabbing his hand to check any pulse left. In the past, your school has given you some first aid lessons. It's time to practice your knowledge. You reached to the area on the side of his neck. You are relieved when you feel the weak pulse there. After calming yourself, you realize that the unconscious man was the one who mocked you before.

You feel someone's hand gently caressing your cheeks. You startled, whipping around your head to see Ayato looking at you worriedly. You felt relieved that he's not angry at you, but can't he sees the man being unconscious in the dirt? Sure, he is a jerk. Maybe he deserves it a bit. But he looks like he is on the verge of dying!

"T-Thank you for your concern Ay-- Lord Kamisato. But, um, the soldier, Shouldn't he get some treatment?" you asked hurriedly. Ayato squeezes your arms gently once again.

"Just call me Ayato, Dear creator." He said while longingly looking at you. He wanted your attention on him, but the man, who offended you oh so greatly, is diverting your attention from him.

Ayato glances at him. His eyes turn cold and emotionless. How dare this man belittle you, the great creator. How dare he mock you. It seems that the education instilled in them is still not working effectively. He needs to note that for his plan.

The samurais in the back are frozen stiff. They've seen how Lord Kamisato creates a bubble around the ninja's head, mercilessly drowning him, slowly and silently crushing it with water pressure whirling inside the bubble. They've seen the anger and fury gleaming in the head commission's eyes. They've seen it before, anger so primal but so concealed. They wouldn't have noticed if they'd never experienced it before.

Nobu walks forward intending to tell you what has happened. You need to know what happened. The leader, sensing one of his youngest member's intentions, grabs his shoulder harshly. Nobu jerked back, head whipped around to glare at him. The leader motions to Lord Kamisato, who is glancing at them. His eyes filled with hidden messages.

"You don't want the same cruel thing to happen to you right? Don't intervene."

The leader got that message clear. He wants to help you, but he is still powerless in front of the commissioner and his army. Lord Kamisato called you the creator, but to him, you are just a clueless person who doesn't know anything. He will make you one of the group, but now, he hopes your fate there will be lucky, even if his gut was telling him otherwise. If there's another chance to help you, he will repay this sin.

You are still waiting for Ayato's response. Quietly tugging his arms, you called out to him. Ayato's attention is back to you now. His eyes change forth between fury and adoration, which unsettles you. He looks at one of your hands on the unconscious soldier's head.

"No worries, My grace. He is a little bit exhausted from today's mission and hasn't been resting. I'm sure enough rest will make him better the next day." He lied smoothly. The ninja gets the messages and takes their friend back to their living quarters.

You stood up awkwardly. Ayato is still holding your arms. His eyes are still soft with adoration and another emotion you can't pinpoint.

"You can let me go, Lord Kamisato." Ayato looks partially hurt. "Just Ayato, Dear creator. Call me Ayato, like how you used to call me before coming here."

"But, I just met you! What do you mean how I used to call you?"

Ayato looked confused. It seems that something happened when you were transported here. Ayato once again invited you to come inside. You tried to deny it because you don't want to see or hear other people mocking you again. Ayato reassures you, but you still doubt it.

You looked back, but the samurai group was already nowhere to be seen. Your feel your hearts break a little. They don't care about you, huh? You have no other choice but to go with Ayato.

You glanced at him. His expression brightens when he realizes you're looking at him. His lips go full of smiles and his eyes crinkle with mirth.

Maybe, living here for a while is not so bad.

You are guided to the front door of the estate. The Zen garden stretched beautifully across the manner. The white sands look soft and fresh. The lanterns glow warmly in the dark.

You felt yourself relax a little. The guards salute in their Lord's presence. They can't help but notice another person who is tagging along with their Lord. They wanted to converse but their Lord send them a warning gaze while covering the mysterious person's face with his sleeve, resulting in him half hugging the figure to himself.

Ayato suddenly feels his heart thudding fast. Warmth spread all over his body and he feels so bashful. Who knows being this close to the creator feels so comforting. It's similar to the aura enveloping him when he's in the vessel mode but way more powerful.

You are clueless. When Ayato obscures your vision with his sleeve and hugs you, you feel flustered. He smells of wood and weirdly, milk? It is soothing, but still, you're flustered.

"Ayato?! What are you doing?" you squeak. Ayato looks even more bashful. His face flushed even redder. The guards look stunned. Is someone calling their lord on a first-name basis?

"A-Ah I see. it's some important guest to you. I'll call Thoma my lord." The guard rushes inside the manor. While Ayato, who now couldn't hold his desire anymore, decide to embrace you as a way to hide your face.

"Oi, Ayato. Is this necessary?!" You look up to him. Face red and flustered. Which led to Ayato feeling even more overwhelmed.

My creator is way too cute. How can I be calm?!

Trying to reason with himself. Ayato said, "Of course, we wouldn't want to see your face now, don't we? You don't want the same thing to happen again. Right, dear?"

Your confused expression is endearing, per se. One of his hands slowly caresses your cheeks. Both of your faces flushed red because of the situation. Ayato cups your cheeks. His smile is full of love.

"I'll explain everything to you later, dear. We need to find somewhere private--"

"Shall I prepare a special room My Lord?" an unfamiliar voice suddenly joins in. You and Ayato jolt in surprise. Ayato hides your face and you hug Ayato even tighter.

Thoma stood there looking awkward. Ayato is a little bit unhappy someone disturbs him, but he is also relieved that Thoma has arrived.

"Ah, Thoma. Prepare one of the most secluded rooms in the estate." It's a question with many meanings. But, with Ayato's flustered face and his wavering voice, its meaning took a big turn.

"Are you going to do that My Lord?" Thoma asked bashfully. You, who are frozen from meeting another cast of Genshin so quickly took alert at the question that Thoma gave.

"Do what???" Your question is left ignored. Ayato quickly replied. "Yes, Thoma. We will do 'that' private thing. So you all better don't disturb me for the rest of the night. You don't want to interrupt our... 'private' moments. Don't you?"

Thoma stood straight and almost saluted, which you think is funny. "O-Of course My lord! Er- Enjoy your time in intimate moments!" He stuttered.

You choke.

Intimate moments?! What is Ayato going to do with you?! You look at Ayato with a horrified expression. He looks panicked and quickly mouthed you "Trust me" before bridal carrying you through the halls and quickly ran to one of the rooms that has been recently prepared by the servants.

Ayato shuts the door and the servant quickly hurried away, afraid they'll disturb their lord.

Ayaka, whose just arrived at the scene walked to Thoma. She closes her fans. Eyes looking at the room his brother just went in.

"What happened Thoma, why do you look so pale?"

"His lord is doing someone,"

Ayako raises his eyebrows."You mean something?"

Thome is silent, looking at her with a serious expression.

"My apologies, Lady Ayaka. But did I stutter?"

"Oh my Excellency, The Almighty Narukami Ogosho, God of Thunder!"

The gossip went wild that night.

====

LMAO, PEOPLE THINKING AYATO GONNA EAT THEM CAKES

But in reality both of them just awkwardly conversing. Help them

Thoma : Ayato have someone special!

Ladies in Inazuma : Oh no!

Creator : [No clue] Oh My God, You have someone special? Why didn’t you tell me?

Ayato : [Groaning] How can someone be so endearingly stupid.

TAGLIST!! : @kazuhira07 @karmawonders @ello-its-me-ya-boi @emperatris-rinaka

#ayato kamisato #genshin impact ayato #genshin impact theory #sagau #genshin self aware au #kamisato ayato #yandere #yandere kamisato ayato #genshin thoma #imposter!reader #DreaminginStory #genshin cult au #genshin impact sagau #genshin impact #self aware genshin

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