Spider-Man Read-Through 009: The Petrified Tablet (ASM 68-77)
MASTERPOST
In this arc, we see (in no particular order) cake, fire, water, chest hair, facial hair, and politics!!! Also, very interesting reader's letters.
Enter year 1969, a year I've fully read before thanks to THIS baby.
Bless my country and its compilations by year.
Of the three years I'd fully read before, this is probably the one I'm least familiar with, so I'm still curious to read it.
So our dear friend is after the petrified/clay tablet and shows off his hairy chest to his harem of henchmen, and I might almost enjoy it.
Replace "Spider-Man" with "a gay man" and see the subtext. Also gorgeous colors as usual.
Robbie's son, Randy, gets reintroduced, and navigating these pages fills me with nostalgia. Peter is absolutely clueless about local politics, which checks out in multiple ways (he has other stuff to do but he's also a white guy in that era). Peter is an outstanding guy though and would like to be involved. Don't worry, people, Peter won't get too ~political~. He eventually two-sides Randy. No, not like that. He's a bit wishy-washy through that issue. It happens.
The first panel is exactly what I love in these comics: purple, yellow and blue clashing with each other.
I wonder if Randy's gonna die, though, because he was introduced very effectively and almost suspiciously. May, at least, is very sick, again, as she's always been.
The issue ends with Randy and Josh getting arrested because they're Black the police thinks they're with the Kingpin, but Robbie's there and assures them they'll get the best lawyer. Peter isn't worried about them. He's a bit clueless, like I said. Randy is instantly very lovable, especially as he tries to fight the Kingpin and helps Spidey in the process.
In the letters, a very interesting question is asked by one Tom Prehoda: would super-heroes be on the front page of newspaper, would they really sell more than "pressing matters" (ie. "politics, and Vietnam, and the race problem")? And considering that many super-heroes do stuff every day in the Marvel world, wouldn't the front page get a tad crowded?
I think it'd be funny if there was a "Daily Vigilante Section" where the recent accomplishments AND failures of those individuals filled half a page. I imagine a lot of people would try and be featured in that kind of section. I'm sure you could do a few issues around that. I doubt I'm the first one to think about this.
(If you're wondering, this issue's letters don't get answers.)
Meanwhile, Nils Osmar says he finds that the last few issues have been less verbose and pleads Marvel to not reduce the verbosity even more, which I find quite funny. He did have a point: these issues have been *slightly* less verbose (the initial ASM run was completely indigestible at times) but imo (with today's sensibilities) it's much better that way, hahahaha.
To my 23-year-old French self, Randy feels incredibly sympathetic. And the confrontation between the young and their parent continues with Gwen going to the ESU protests and going to talk to her father. It's a fascinating theme! Much more entertaining than Kingpin's plot. Peter do be shirtless for a part of the fight, so that's nice enough. I can't wait to read what the readers said about this story arc.
This issue is very interesting and the diminution of dialogue bubbles is nice. In the next issue, the police thinks Spidey stole the tablet, the political plot gets resolved (the students won, yay! and Josh thinks maybe not all white dudes suck...).
In other news, Ned Leeds is back! I love Ned Leeds. Isn't he a key player in the Jackal arc?
So Spidey gives Jonah a heart attack, which is honestly quite deserved!
In the letters, Scott Hamilton deduces that Spidey has the strength of about 64 men and Stan Lee doesn't dare to say whether he's right or wrong.
Cole Kitchen, meanwhile, thinks Peter should enlist in Vietnam to end his bad Parker Luck while keeping the misery. Cap has been fighting for SHIELD and thus, the Marvel comics have no war chief among their super-heroes. Kitchen says he understands the Vietnam war's controversial status, but argues Marvel has never strayed from such subjects - as they "started a revolution in the handling of race in comic books". This is fascinating. I was certainly surprised to see complicated subjects even tackled in ASM #68. "Stan and John" inform me (among other things) that they've seen about as many letters for both sides.
As for Jan Wayenberg, she sent a long letter! She's in love with Peter (very understandably). She says a few gems, notably "Aunt May can't keep getting weaker and weaker without transforming into an anemic vapor."
Ben Brosgol wants May to be a supervillain, which I'm surprisingly in favor of.
Anyway, it's time for issue #71!
Spidey fights none other than Quicksilver. I very clearly remember that fight, so that's fun. The issue starts with Peter's who's shirtless once again, which is always a good sign.
Harry's back again, and once again gets gaslit by Peter. I love them, but dear lord, Harry needs some love. At least they have a bit of guy talk.
So Quicksilver's here to get the help of the Avengers, but they're in Wakanda, so he has to resort to spending some good ol' time with Spidey.
Thanks to Jonah being at the hospital, Robbie gives some much needed money to Peter. Robbie's great!!!
Overall, it's a fun issue. Peter knows some joy in his life, and he sure needs it, right?
This issue's letters bring some good food so I'll just screenshot them:
I definitely agree on the point that Peter should share his identity with *somebody*, and I think Harry would be a great choice, narratively speaking. My Parksborn tendencies might influence my opinion just a bit...
Time for issue 72! And it starts with a banger, as the Shocker assaults Captain Stacy with his (*snickers*) vibropowers. Sure. The issue tries to make the Shocker feel like Spidey's most powerful foe, but he's honestly a bit pathetic. I don't know, I just can't take him seriously.
By this point, the writers are acutely aware of how they showcased May for the past ~70 issues. But I'm not sure they knew I'd ship her with Anna five decades later. Anyway, Peter's outfit is an absolute win, it's very striking, can't help but love it.
The writers then prepare the Lizard's return, as Peter recounts how he beat him "a few months ago" (#45!), which explains why I was oddly not that invested when I read the actual issue.
And Flash is back -again!- from the war. He's still a jerk and Peter calls out his character regression.
THESE LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
This issue is alright, nothing fascinating. The actual subject of the Vietnam War is still avoided hahahaha.
In the letters, Eddie Christopher thinks the team uses the Kingpin too much and I definitely agree! But he seems to be fairly popular among readers. Charles Blackcrow is relieved that the student's protest wasn't a Communist plot, and also asks if Peter could graduate from college. Dear Charles, I think you had to wait for a bit more time. [He recently made a Reddit post, yay!]
Issue 73 makes it clear that the Italian mafia is involved in this imbroglio as well. Meanwhile, Randy wants to give up school and this feels VERY relatable. But his dad argues that education (knowledge) is a great power. Oh, how à propos! And Randy argues back that Robbie was lucky, compared to plenty of their siblings.
Peter wants to do an internship with Curt Connors, once again foreshadowing that the Lizard is about to make his return. And Curt, at least, is back, coerced into helping the Maggia, ooh~
In the letters, May is still very unpopular (and rightly so!).
Until now, this arc hasn't been particularly compelling. Sure, you wonder about this exact's tablet's purpose (although Silvermane mentioning his age several times in this issue certainly points the reader towards the truth), but the villains are lackluster (as you've seen, I'm no fan of the Kingpin, and Marko the Mountain Man isn't particularly helpful in that regard). The soap opera are the best parts, and sadly there's not many of them. The highlight is, of course, Randy, who's just been introduced to the readers and already has great dialogues with his father (and Josh).
However, in issue 74, a compelling plot point is brought forth: with Curt Connors forced to work with the Maggia to uncover the tablet's secrets, his Lizard alter ego is also sollicited.
Oh look, he's back to insult me!
Silvermane's age keeps getting mentioned and seems to be all he talks about.
Stan Lee laying it on thick.
Meanwhile, plot twist! Connor's son actually figured out his dad is The Lizard. I mean, yeah, that makes sense, it wasn't a particularly well-kept secret.
Peter wishes he could confide in his twink boyfriend. But what would he tell him anyway? The truth? I wish!
Sadly or luckily for us, Harry does make this famous apparition. I never forgot about this specific face. What the heck. I think he immediately gets rid of this muustache. Dear Lord.
Issue 74 ends with Silvermane drinking Connor's serum and being young again...! I figured it would be in the next issue, but oh well. I know how it ends.
In the letters, Stan says that the writers are still figuring out the Kingpin's wife. I don't recall ever actually seeing her, so I'm very curious! She should appear soon... I just imagine that fashion lady villain from Totally Spies.
Her name is Helga von Guggen, according to online sources. I love that Google immediately pointed me to the right direction with my query above.
The next issue has an iconic cover. SOMEONE DIES!
I love how subtle the twist is foreshadowed. Silvermane's transformation at first appears to simply make him younger... but for a few panels, his hair still have a bit of grey in them... but by page 7, the grey has disappeared. Sadly, as is constantly the case in these comics, Marko makes it explicit on the same page, barely letting the reader piece it together. If Silvermane's getting younger every second, when does it stop?
Side note: he really looks like Peter in these panels. I wonder how intentional this is.
So while Silvermane is busy looking handsome for five minutes, the Lizard is back.
CAKE!!!!!!!!!
For my grievances, I really enjoy this ending.
And while Silvermane is definitely dead (although I heard he reappears decades later, what the fuck Marvel), the Lizard is back.
An excellent letter from Steve Games lays out his issues with current-era Spider-Man. He argues the Ditko era is definitely different the two halves of the Romita Sr. half (during, and after No More). He calls out the emphasis on fights instead of the cast's personal lives, which I definitely agree with. We've been seeing so little of them!
I completely agree. Maybe my issue isn't so much the Kingpin than the fact that most of his appearances makes the secondary cast's appearance very limited. The letter isn't all negative either: the reader recognizes that three years before, Randy, Robbie and Josh probably wouldn't have appeared, and he appreciates that SM "now recognizes national problems and is more realistic about its portrayal of black people and other minorities". Steve essentially concludes that there's not enough Peter Parker content.
It feels cathartic to read such a letter. I couldn't exactly articulate it before, but I definitely agree!
In response, Stan Lee (by whom I mean "the actual person who answered this, I dunno what that was") says they'll poll the readership about that! Very interested to see how it goes.
In issue 76, neither Peter's handsomeness nor Harry's fu-stache have disappeared.
In retrospect, I assume Peter sending May to Florida was a move to make her less annoying to the readers. And almost as an answer to the aforementioned letter, the issue features more scenes with the regular cast. That's swell!
The issue is much better than some previous ones, although the Lizard battles lacks in variance... until the Human Torch flies in at the last minute!
The reader's letters mention the animated TV show, and I completely forgot about it 'til now. They complain the 1967 cartoon ridiculizes the brand. So even then, it was seen as very kitsch, huh? I've seen two episodes of it, I think it's cute hahaha. By that point, it was the gap between seasons 2 and 3 if you're curious.
Another reader asks if Peter could be drafted for the Vietnam War. Wow, this is fascinating. You don't really understand until you see it, huh. Someone agrees with someone else that Peter should tell his secret to Gwen's dad. There's also a patriotic doofus who really wants to mention his fascist advocacy group (the John Birch Society). This issue's batch is... oof.
Anyway. Final issue for this post! We've almost covered an entire year! As usual, any conversation between Spidey and the Torch is one of them (or the both of them) not listening to the other one.
I'm not sure why, but I really enjoy the colors here again.
Spidey uses his brain and tells off Johnny, which is smart. What is not smart (but entertaining), however, is Curt's son trying to help and fainting as the Lizard attacks him. What is smart, again, is Spidey using dehydration powder on the Lizard. That's clever!
Overall, it's alright as an issue. Not much to write home about (but the Lizard being momentarily stunned instead of hurting his son is compelling).
On the reader's side, Donald F McGregor (would, not unlike some other person, would go on to work in comic books and notably, for Marvel itself!) mentions that the outfits reflect the era, which is something I appreciate, as someone who wasn't born then.
Bill Labrie asks when the Goblin will come back, which I'm also curious about (surely it can't be The Night Gwen Stacy Died? It's around three years later, lol).
Dirck L. van Sickle says basically the same thing that was said a few issues ago: something should be done with May, she should get operated on and get super powers.
Robert E. Emmets asks "Doesn't Peter ever kiss girls like the rest of us?" no he's gay i'm sorry.
The next arc is about the Prowler, but I don't recall reading about him (even though my edition definitely had the first two issues), so that's nice.
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I can sense my younger sibling going through the same sexuality crisis that I did at that age and it PAINS me. checking out all the old and tired gay books from the library that I did. shaving their head, getting way too into gay characters in movies and books, etc. I can relate 💀 but also 💀💀
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Mission Complete Ch. 1
You had two goals in life. One: Complete your squad training without dying. Two: Fuck Levi Ackerman
Pairings: Levi/f!reader
Warnings: Swearing, eventual smut, lmk if I need to add anything~
You really had no idea what the fuck prompted you to join the military. Maybe it was to find some redeeming grace in the eyes of your dying mother, maybe it was because you wanted a life with as much stability as one could muster, maybe it was because you just fucking hated farming.
Whatever it was, you wished to any God that would listen that you would have buried it in the ground along with the countless friends and family members you had lost to the Titans.
The first week of the cadet corps was everything you knew you would hate and more. Between the foul smelling breath of the commandant threatening to make you puke up the bread you had managed to steal, to working your body to the point of sneaking away from one on one combat to puke behind the bushes, after seven days you had almost decided that maybe digging in the dirt for the rest of your miserable life wasn't so bad.
There was only one thing stopping you from making your own walk of shame to the wagon of regret.
Levi Ackerman.
AKA the man you fantasized about every night when you managed to find enough strength to finger yourself below the covers.
He was a couple of inches shorter, true, but you were willing to break your rule of not fucking anyone shorter than you for him.
You had only see him twice in your life by complete chance, the first had been when you happened to be by the gates in time to see the Scouts returning from what was undoubtably another failed mission, and you decided that what the hell, might as well have a look at Humanity's Strongest in the flesh. Granted, it hadn't been his best day; his green cloak was splattered with what could only have been the blood of his comrades as it didn't look as if he had a single scratch on him, but he looked like a god, albeit one that had just gotten his ass kicked out of heaven. His eyes seemed to be sunken in, and even from how far away you were you found yourself shivering from the intensity of his dead gaze. You weren't sure what possessed you to lift your hand as he eyes moved through the crowd, looking for whom, you didn't know, or what possessed him to raise those eyes to you, but you found yourself lost in haunted silver as you gave a soft wave. The way he seemed to look straight through you, not even seeing you even as you stared at each other, was enough to convince you that you needed to do whatever it took to see this man again.
You enlisted the start of the next week.
The second time was completely by chance.
Everyone was desperate for military recruits, and desperate times called for desperate calls to important people to make appearances in front of people that were well, not very important.
Erwin Smith, Dot Pixis, Nile Dawk, Levi Ackerman, Hange Zoe, Rico Brzenska, and even Darius Zackly graced the entrance ceremony of the new Cadets, and you thanked whatever bone in your body made you a teacher's pet because you had a front row seat to the man that had plagued your thoughts every single day in the past week. His appearance was brief and he didn't speak, just stared at the fresh faces, some cocky, some blank, but mostly terrified new recruits, and you could have sworn that you saw a tinge of sadness hidden in the silver, as if he could already foresee the deaths of everyone in front of him. He followed after Erwin immediately after the blond gave his speech about thanking you all for making the decision to serve humanity and you fought the urge to roll your eyes. 'I'm not doing this for humanity, I'm doing this for dick,' you thought as you signed your life away to this shit camp for the next two years.
How one man who was fucking shorter than you managed to convince you to trade the next 728 days, 14 hours, 37 minutes, and 15 seconds of your life for physical and emotional hell was beyond you, and yet here you were, standing proud and slightly hungover from the pre-graduation celebrating you did with Eren, Mikasa, and Armin the night before. They hadn't initially been your first choice in friends, but Armin was nice to you from the start and once you very quickly learned that flirting with Eren in front of Mikasa was not in your best interest, you had decided that they were alright; especially when Eren's Titan form had been revealed. If anyone was going to have to get close enough to keep an eye on Eren, it would be Captain Levi.
The very man you were thinking of walked on the stage along with Nile Dawk, Dot Pixis, and Erwin Smith as the three took turns giving their pitch. You hadn't made the top 10 but were happy for your friends that were, you were content with your place as 13th. In a class of over 500, you still considered it a win, and if your parents were still alive you knew they'd be proud. As the remaining members of the top 10 who had opted to join the elitest MP's went off to talk to Nile and the other scared fucks ran off to sign themselves to the Garrison regiment, you and around a hundred other members stayed where you were and you licked your lips, forcing your heart rate to calm itself. 'Calm down, you can't work your way up to fucking the strongest man in the world if you die of heart attack before-'
"Listen up you little shits."
Oh my God he was speaking you've never heard his voice before it's so fucking-
"Most of you are going to die. Are you prepared for that?"
Ah, so Humanity's Strongest was a sweet talker.
"Erwin is making me come up here and talk, so we're all going to pretend that I'm saying some meaningful bullshit. But here's the truth: If you aren't strong, you will die, and it will be painful. Imagine the thought of seeing your childhood friend's entrails being slurped up like spaghetti by a Titan, while the entire time he's conscious enough to reach his hand out for you, and you are able to do nothing for him because you spent exactly one second hesitating, or you were a moment too late to draw your blades, or react to the threat. If that scares you, then do us all a favor and put down that half assed salute and sell your soul to the Garrison where you'll spend your days fucking the best whores for a discount if you're in uniform and getting drunk on the clock."
After his touching speech you and your now dripping panties decided that you had indeed made the right decision in selling yourself to the Scouts.
One month later
It was moments like these, where you weren't quite trashed but definitely more than tipsy, that you had never been happier to be part of the survey corps. I mean, you were in peak physical shape (you still couldn't believe you had abs. Abs!), you were hot, you were fit, and you knew Sasha Braus, who had managed to steal a few bottles of top shelf liquor from the higher ups.
You were also horny as fuck. It had been over a year since you'd gotten laid, and you were using the dildo you'd bought on your first trip back into town as often as you brushed your teeth (twice a day, you didn't fuck with cavities). You briefly thought about enlisting the help of one of your current drinking buddies but after seeing your choices you decided to leave it to old faithful hidden in your pillowcase. There was Jean, who albeit was pretty hot even with the long face but was so in love with Mikasa it made you want to vomit. Marco, who you were almost one hundred percent sure was gay; Connie, who held the sexual appeal of a pile of horse shit, although he was super nice. Reiner almost looked promising but you knew underneath those stocky muscles was a shitload of emotional baggage you didn't want, and Bertholt was head over heels for Annie of all people. That left Armin and Eren. Eren you already knew was out, while your slut senses told you he'd be a great lay, you weren't quite ready for your life to end at the hands of Mikasa. That left Armin. You tilted your head, staring at him as you sipped on your god forsaken concoction and debated fucking him or not. He wasn't outright sexy, but he'd filled in well during the two years of training and you had seen glimpses of his surprisingly impressive muscles under his white shirt. He might actually do. He'd be shy as hell and you would have to lead everything, not to mention he'd probably cum in less than a minute, but it just might-
“Did you guys know that Captain Levi is a virgin?"
You spit the mix of vodka, rum, and whatever mixer Reiner had put in all over the face of the person you had just considered fucking.
"I'm sorry, what?" You turned your attention to Christa, apologetically handing Armin a napkin and patting his cheek.
Christa blushed at the attention and scooted closer to Ymir, who threw an arm around her shoulders and gave Reiner her customary 'If you even look at her weird, I will gut you' look. "W-Well, recently I started helping out in the infirmary because they've been short handed. You all know, it's that time of year where everyone has to get looked at and they give us that sheet of paper to fill out with all of our personal information to keep track of potential diseases. I was in charge of filing the paperwork the day they brought all of the officers in, and on the paper they ask you how many sexual partners you've had and Captain Levi wrote 0. But you guys, you have to promise not to tell anyone! This is private information, if it somehow gets out that I told you this I'll get into a lot of trouble!"
Ymir chuckled, placing a sloppy kiss at the top of the blonde's head. "Don't worry about a thing sweet cheeks, if any of these miscreants here says a word I'll kill them for ya. But we don't have to worry about that at all, now do we?" She glared at each person in the room, who all looked as if Christa were a ghost, and slowly shook their heads.
Your life was changed.
Captain Levi Ackerman.
The strongest man in the world.
Rumored former thug of the Underground.
The person responsible for killing as many Titans as a hundred soldiers.
The person whose squad every scout dreamed of being on, was a virgin.
You screeched out a laugh before you could help it, the alcohol doing nothing to try and make you quiet yourself as you fell onto your back laughing, cup long forgotten as it rolled across the floor. The person who initiated your drive to join the military in the first place, the person you literally dreamed of fucking, had never gotten his dick wet.
Clearly, you had your work cut out for you.
If you managed to live through the sight of Ymir reaching over to punch you in the face to shut you up.
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His Dark Materials - Season 2 Episode 7 *FINALE* (Thoughts and Rambles)
We have a LOT to unpack here oh my god oh my god
When I say I was screaming and yelling during the episode, I mean I was LITERALLY screaming and yelling
This post is mostly screeching and capital letters, you’ve been warned
“So cold” “life or death meant nothing” - well shit. Accurate description of a Spectre attack damn
I didn’t know what those creepy noises were at first and I was sat here absolutely TERRIFIED because it was creepy as fuck. Then I realized it was cliff ghasts because they said something that I recognized from the book and I was like “oh shit”
Pan and Will talking is the sweetest omg
The fact that Pan told him that Lyra thinks he’s as brave as King Iorek Byrnison :’)
“She’s the best friend I’ve ever had” “You’re her best friend too” - STOP, MY HEART
Lyra was awake and heard the whole conversation :3
“I’m no longer an aeronaut” :( “I’m an insect” - LMAO
Hester and Lee’s banter remains my favourite thing and now it’s bittersweet tbh...
“You could never be an insect, Lee” “Okay, hare” - bless them
Marisa finding where Lyra was staying and then finding Lyra’s coat?? And crying with it pressed to her face?? :’(
In case I haven’t mentioned it already, I am incredibly gay for the witches/their aesthetic/costume. Absolutely beautiful queens, all of them
Oh hi, it’s Mary and the two kids!
The fact that Mary helped them find their adults :’)
Also, “We like you miss” - BLESS
I’m kind of confused as to whether the blue flower petals are important or if it’s just her smelling them? IDK
“I’m close to my father, it’s time I found him” - OOF OKAY UMM ARE YOU SURE
“I let my best friend down” - Noooo Lyra, no you didn’t! :( Your dad is a terrible parent and killed him, that’s not your fault!
“Maybe this is how I let you down” - Well done, Asriel and Marisa, you’ve fucked up a perfectly fine child is what you’ve done
Will telling Lyra that she hasn’t let him down :3
That witch turning up because she was trying to warn Marisa about the spectres, only for Marisa to torture and kill her... oof
FUCKING MONKEY I CAN’T DECIDE HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM
“She’s MY daughter” - Okay, damn, lady...
“EVE. She’s the mother of all” - OH FUCK YOU TOLD HER. OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK
THE SPECTRE ATE HER DÆMON OMG NO THIS IS HORRIFYING WTAF
Seriously, the way the witch went so grey and lifeless and just fell to her knees and down... Urgh, my stomach is turning
Just when I thought I hated the monkey again, he starts whimpering because he’s afraid of the Spectres :(
“Stop whimpering” - DAMN MARISA YOU ARE A STONE COLD BITCH HUH
Pan being the damn voice of reason and telling Lyra they should stay with the witches like yes, Lyra, listen to him for once!!!
Okay but why are the Magisterium soldiers lowkey dressed like German soldiers from one of the World Wars???
I’m not really surprised that BBC left out the detail of Ruta and Asriel fucking when she found him to be honest XD
So the witches think that the Æsahættr is a person but it’s actually the KNIFE. AND THEY DON’T REALIZE. RUTA YOU DON’T NEED TO GO ANYWHERE, IT’S LITERALLY RIGHT THERE
“...That’s not my dæmon.” “Run.” - OH SHIT OKAY MY WHOLE BODY JUST TENSED UP
So umm Lee got shot and FUCK NO FUCK NO I’M NOT READY FOR THIS EMOTIONALLY THANKS
I LITERALLY DO NOT WANT THIS TO HAPPEN OKAY
“You’re either with me or against me” Umm he’s your dæmon?!?!
THE WAY SHE SCREAMED AT HIM OH MY GOD SHE’S FUCKING TERRIFYING HOLY CRAP
“What are you frightened of?” - oh, I don’t know, Marisa, maybe because YOU FUCKING SCREECHED AT HIM. MAYBE HE’S FRIGHTENED OF YOU
Also I love the detail of Marisa getting onto her hands and knees, sort of crouching and mirroring the monkey’s body language. I just love the parallel
The way the monkey flinched from her when she went to touch him omg :( No dæmon should be THIS afraid of their person (or at all?!?!)
Honestly, I find this series’ portrayal of Marisa fascinating tbh
“We have to do whatever it takes to keep her safe” - Umm, like maybe drugging her and hiding her in a cave for months? 🤔
Also in case I didn’t say this before, the fact she has complete control of the Spectres is fucking scary and always has been from the very first time I read the books
Okay so Lee is fully aware that he’s going to die if he stays behind but he does it because he knows that it’s the best chance of making sure that Lyra ends up under the knife’s protection (because Jopari will find her). All Lee wants is for Lyra to be safe and that hurts my heart so much, he loves this child so much :’(
“I love that little girl like a daughter” - LEE STOP MY HEART IS ALREADY BREAKING AS IT IS
NO NO NO NO I AM NOT AND NEVER WILL BE READY
Oh hey Red PAN-da (sorry I know I keep repeating that joke but honestly LOOK AT HIM)
“Once I change, you’ll stop changing” - OH SHIT. So we’re having THAT conversation then
“What do you think you’ll be?” “A flea I hope” - LMFAO I LOVE IT
“Is it Will that’s changing you?” “I think” - FORESHADOWING FOR AMBER SPYGLASS ANYONE?!
All the meanwhile, while Lee is dying and shit is going down, Ms Mary Malone is just chilling in a cave on a mountain by a waterfall, just reading
I literally struggled to watch Lee’s final scenes. I literally didn’t want to watch it because I cried reading it in the book, and I knew I’d be the same here
The fact that Lee HATES taking away people’s lives but he says “it’s theirs or Lyra’s”... I love him. He loves her so much.
“Think about anything, think about bacon!” - LMFAO I LOVE YOU HESTER YOU ABSOLUTE GEM
THE BULLET CLIPPED HIS SCALP AND I HAD A HEART ATTACK
“This is my fault, isn’t it?” - NO HESTER NO DON’T YOU DARE BLAME YOURSELF DARLIN’, YOU ARE THE BEST AND WE LOVE YOU AND LEE LOVES YOU
I do this everytime I read the book and I did here even though I know what happens, but I was praying mentally that maybe Serafina would reach Lee in time... just maybe...
I’m really sitting here crying over Hester and Lee on a Sunday night, love that for me
Hester limping :(
“Don’t you go before I do” - FUCK YOU BBC AND PHILIP I’M SOBBING MY EYES OUT
“Oh how far we flew” - STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT FUCKING NOW I SWEAR-
I literally yelled and cried out “NOOO” when Hester faded away and Lee died. I am so upset even though I KNEW it was coming. I am literally not okay.
Oh god no Will, now is not the time to be walking away from Lyra and that witch
Also why is that witch asleep on guard?? Come on, love, do better, it’s not like these are the two most important children in all the universes....
To be fair to Marisa, I’d feel pretty invincible if I were climbing up a mountain while the Spectres were guarding me/on my side
WILL AND JOHN FINALLY MET AHHHH
“I was told I’d find my father here” - YEAH AND THAT’S HIM WILL ASDFGHJKL;
I’m low-key disappointed that there’s no brawl between Will and Jopari here. Like they instantly recognize each other and... hmm. I know there has to be changes but still.
“Your mother, Will, where is she?” - Awww. John really didn’t stop loving her :’)
“My son... is the Knife Bearer” - oooooohhhhhhh
“You have a dæmon” - that’s right, Will. Don’t worry, you’ll get one next season
The way I audible went “oh shIT” when Mrs Coulter found Lyra fast asleep. Like I said, I knew what was going to happen but STILL
I’m not really surprised that those Spectres killed the witch who was supposed to be guarding Lyra and Will tbh like that’s what happens when only ONE witch guards two teenagers and that witch falls asleep
The way that Lyra panicked when she woke up and saw her mother stroking her cheek omg
Off topic but I’ve only just realized that Jopari has a fucking man-bun LMFAO OKAY
The fact that Jopari tried to get back to Will and Elaine but couldn’t will always hurt me
“And you chose these people over your family?” - I MEAN-
“I’ve thought about you every day.” - Awww
So John tells Will that he has to go to Asriel and bring him the knife, and he tells him all about the war that’s coming and I have LITERAL chills because I’m so ready
“And then we go home?” “... And then we go home.” - RIP MY HEART OUT, IT WOULD HURT LESS
“I’m not strong enough” - yes you are, Will! I promise you, you are! And Jopari says, “Both of us were brought here” - exactly! You were brought there for a reason by fate or whatever you want to call it!
“Your duty was to be my father” - WILL REALLY CAME FOR HIS DAD LIKE THAT I GUESS
“Look what you’ve become without me” - Oh my god, just when I thought I wasn’t going to cry again
JOPARI HUGGING WILL, SEEING THE SOLDIER AIMING, AND THEN PUTTING HIMSELF BETWEEN THEM SO HE TOOK THE BULLET INSTEAD OF WILL ASDFGHJKL;
So in the book, Jopari is killed by a scorned witch who had once asked him to be her lover, but he had turned her down (because of Elaine and Will obviously), and she kills Jopari in front of Will and then he kills her (I think?). But here it’s just a soldier leftover from the Lee vs Magisterium fight, so... yeah. Kind of a little peeved about the change personally but whatever I guess.
“The night is full of angels, they will guide you now” - AHHHHH
Also, might just be me, but maybe that line would have been slightly more impactful if the scene had taken place at night
This show really said “fuck healthy parental figures” I guess
Except Will’s mum, she’s the best and if anything were to happen to her we’d all riot
SAYAN KÖTÖR FADING AWAY NOOOO I HATE SEEING DÆMONS DIE
Okay, last little gripe, but I just wanted to say that in the book, Will doesn’t realize it’s his dad until literally the last second before his dad dies - like they both realize and then BAM, Jopari is killed. And while I do love the father-son reunion, I am kind of annoyed by the change because it was such a huge punch in the gut in the book that Will searches for so long for his dad, only to lose him the second he finds him.
Serafina finding Lee’s body and kissing his forehead was yet another punch in the gut, thanks Pullman/BBC/BadWolf
The fact that Will had to bury his dad :(
Also, WILL WEARING JOPARI’S JACKET OH MY GOD MY HEART
Oof that shot of his amputated fingers...
So the narration, when it started I thought it was Jopari at first, like from one of his letters... but then as it continued, I went “hang on”, and then I said outloud “wait, is that ASRIEL?!”
DID MARISA REALLY PUT LYRA IN A FUCKING TRUNK?!? BITCH ARE YOU OKAY?!?
Will putting his hood up like his dad did just hits differently
Okay so um ASRIEL HI I WASN’T EXPECTING TO SEE YOU THIS SEASON OH MY GOD THE SCREAM I LET OUT
HIS MONOLOGUE BY THE WAY IS FUCKING ART AND A MASTERPIECE BUT I WAS TOO BUSY CRYING OVER JAMES MCAVOY TO WRITE THE WHOLE MONOLOGUE DOWN
Oh, hi Stelmaria!
It always makes me scream that this man is not only Lord Asriel now but he’s also fucking Mr Tumnus and MOTHERFUCKING BILL DENBROUGH LIKE HOW IS THIS MAN INVOLVED IN SO MANY OF MY FANDOMS?!?
ANGELS ANGELS OH MY FUCKING GOD-
“We stand with you, Asriel Belacqua” - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
“Let us prepare for war” - FUUUUUUUUCK
(I was deadly serious when I said this was just me screaming and crying by the way)
I’m still reeling over the fact that Marisa put her daughter in a fucking trunk. Like I get you can’t exactly carry a drugged child about in the open but Jesus Christ, love, really?!?
Also Ruth Wilson / Marisa Coulter in a headscarf? *chef kiss*
The way that the screen went to black as she put the lid on the trunk down - SHIT OH SHIT GOOSEBUMPS
THE CREDIT SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE IT HAS FUCKING ANGELS NOW I’M-
I WASN’T EXPECTING THE POST CREDITS SCENE OH MY GOD
ROGER?! ROGER! IT’S ROGER I’M NOT OKAY-
BBC YOU CANNOT JUST DROP THAT ON US LIKE THAT FUCK-
“What is this place?” - I’M SCREAMING SO LOUD I CAN’T HOLD IT IN
For anyone unaware, the reason I’m screaming so loud over the post-credits scene is because in TAS, while Lyra is drugged and in a groggy sleep, she has these visions of Roger talking to her from the Land of the Dead, which then later leads to her and Will actually GOING to the Land of the Dead and... well, the rest is even HUGER spoilers but YEAH I’M NOT OKAY.
Honestly, I’m just so happy and emotional because I’ve been waiting over a decade for a decent adaptation of not only NL but for TSK and TAS too, and we’re 2/3 there now. Just one more book/series to go... I wish we could have it now. I really hope that filming for the final one starts ASAP because if we have to wait two years just to see the conclusion to this series, I might cry.
This series is so amazing, and this season especially has been so incredible to watch. It’s been the highlight of my week for seven weeks, and I have no idea what I’ll do with my Sundays now that it’s over. I’ve asked for the DVD for S2 for my birthday already (since it comes out 29th December and my birthday is 13th January... just saying), and words can’t describe how much I do love this series. I know it sounds hollow since I say it about so many things I’m into, but this was such a huge part of my childhood and it’s one of my favourite fantasy series of all time. It’s truly one of the most incredible pieces of literature and now it’s making for incredible television... I love it so much.
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I read Ruin and Rising because I’m bored
And I also hate myself
Like with the last book, I have a vague idea of the plot and stuff from tumblr and fanfics. I will also be refering to Darkling as Sasha for most of this.
I am still Darklina trash and don’t particularly like Mal.
On a different note, I’ve finally moved for college, but the internet here is trash, so I’ll probably have a lot more reading time now, since most games I play are online and will crash without internet.
Before
Cool story. Let’s hope Alina stays a badass.
Who am I joking, I know how this ends.
Chapter 1
So far so good. I hate the Apparat, per usual. Alina’s there basically dying and that bitch can’t wait to see her do so.
Cult leader to the core this one. He probably hates that his figurehead is alive and also not brainwashed.
Cult leader doesn’t like swearing. How surprising.
My boy David is completely right. What kind of irresponsible dingus keeps centuries old books in a fucking wet-ass cave? (Or a tree for that matter *cough cough* The Last Jedi *cough, cough*).
Genya is fun to be around.
Oh, shit, let’s go.
Chapter 2
Jesus Christ, Alina, Zoya isn’t that bad.
This is one hell of a shitshow.
I live for this version of Alina. Badass. Scary. I want more of this Alina.
Chapter 3
Out of all the random little details from crappy smut fics, I did not expect Oncat to be from the books, lol.
Mal actually has a supernatural tracking ability. Like, literally, they put a bug into the pouch with gunpowder so he could make the shot. I guess this was kinda said before, but never this directly, right?
Alina’s merzost-skyping Sasha now, yay.
Alina is horny for Sasha boy. Yay.
Alina canonically has a praise kink. Nice.
I hate LB with all of my heart at this very moment. How dare she bait us Darklina people like this? How DARE she? (Shipbaiting is the worst, seriously.)
Yes, yes, yes. These two lines. That’s what their relationship is all about. They’re each others foils, the yin to the other’s yang and... ugh. I am Darklina trash to the core and this hurts.
Darklina: You have a terrible taste in men.
Alina: I liked you once.
My boy Sasha walked into that one.
Chapter 4
Alina is a Queen. And we love her.
David, my beloved, my spirit animal.
It’s surprising they can read it at all, given it’s been centuries. Have you ever tried reading medieval manuscripts?
Honestly, with a father that crazy, it’s no wonder Baghra’s a bitch. And I’ve seen it said somewhere that the books imply Ilya’s experiments are what caused Baghra to be a shadow summoner and you know what? I can see how you’d make that connection.
Why is there so few Tidemakers in the books? Waterbenders are useful. I want more waterbenders.
Alina picking up some habits from Baghra I see.
Ah, yes, we love an educated giant.
I’m starting to think Harshaw is a bit nuts.
Shut up, Hershey. Or at least share the weed with the class. I’m not here for this “He’s mean to you because he likes you”. I might believe that in like, elementary school, but yall are (more or less) adults. Jesus.
Well, that was a bombshell of a twist.
Chapter 5
Oh boy, we’ve got some trauma bonding for out merry band of misfits. Yay.
Adrik has a crush on Zoya. And she hates it, lol. Cut the kid some slack, he’s like 15 or something.
That reminds me, I have a four-leaf clover pressed in books from close to year and a half ago. Time flies.
They’re really diving into the Mal has supernatural powers, huh?
Ghosts, let’s go.
Alina “I’m so happy to be outside I start to shine like a fucking fairy” Starkov and Mal is entranced. He’s definitelly nicer now. I’m not forgiving him for all the shit he’s pulled before and for using the silent treatment way too much, but hey, at least he’s improving.
I am not a Zoyalina person, but like... gay? Please? Rivals to grudging allies to friends to lovers, 300k slowburn? Sounds more fun than whatever Mala dn Alina have going on, lol.
(I’m starting to realize I’m not as much a Darklina person as I am anti-Malina person, lol. Like, literally everyone has a more interesting dynamic with Alina than tracker boy over there. Malina is at best boring AF and at worst toxic, codependent and emotionally abusive, while also being boring AF at the same time. It has literally nothing going for it except God herself liking it).
I can see why Nadia is gay in the show. The book version of her definitelly has a crush on Tamar. Homegirl likes a woman, who can murder her with the flick of her wrist and honestly? Same.
Alina has some big “coming out of lockdown after a year” energy atm.
The cat is one of the most realistic characters in this thing, lol.
And since Tamar is also heavily queercoded, our lovely ladies make off into the night, flirting. Or maybe not. Let me dream, though.
At least Blade Boy is aware that his tattoo is stupid. To quote someone ranting about him on tumblr: He’s embracing his identity as a tool.
Oh, boy, this will be fun.
Evil soldier is horny for Mal. Saints, is there a woman in this book who isn’t horny for Blade Boy?
And here comes Niki to save the day.
Chapter 6
Niki saved the day.
Fiberglass? And David being David. Genya being in love with her nerd of a boyfriend.
Jesus Christ, this one crazy kid has moved the technology in this universe a whole century on his own. So, when is David going to propose to him?
Baghra hasn’t changed much I see.
Baghra’s about to drop some truthbombs, but no, we have to be rudely interupted because Genya’s rapist is throwing a fit.
Chapter 7
How does Mal sound? Is she gonna say the Blade boy sounds like her dad? I mean, I know voices are partially genetic, but it has been tens of generations between them, probably.
So, we’re finally taking Genya’s trauma seriously after all this time? Good. Better late than never, I guess.
I wish that regicide was already finished and I’m pretty sure that Genya does, too. Stop defending the fucking king, narrative.
David’s a nerd in all things I see.
Someone please just kill the king already. And the queen, too, for good measure.
Now that’s a romance.
Infodumping and listening to said infodumps is a legitimate love language, Alina. Let them nerd out over poisons.
Wait, has Alina never directly killed anyone before? I thought she did... hmmm.
And just like that, it should have been over. Ugh.
Somehow, Baghra is a better teacher now than she was before. She half feels like a completely different character.
Nevermind, she’s back at it.
Chapter 8
Holy shit, Nadia and Tamar are canon. They have canon gays here.
So, which one of them is gonna die?
Chapter 9
We arrive at that scene. The one, where they should have fucked.
Jeez, girl, get a hold of yourself. Life is short, fuck a villain.
In other news, Genya and David definitelly fucked.
Chapter 10
Poor David. He just wanted to know.
Damn... I never realized just how young Baghra was, when she killed her sister.
I’ve already made a post about this, but it really does strike me like Baghra has already decided to end her life at this point in the book.
Why is that whole “but what if we’re related” thing even in there?
Chapter 11
We love a suprise attack.
When did Sasha boy learn that trick?
Baghra really just did that. Oh boy.
Chapter 12
No, don’t kill the kid... ugh.
Emotiona support cat. She should be friends with Milo.
Porrige for brains. Oof.
So Nadia was the one, who got bees set on her in the book. Cool.
That’s a good question. Why was it never brought up to Alina, that other Grisha get blocks, too?
David already thinking of steampunk prosthetic for Adrik is honestly kinda sweet.
Chapter 13
Back home... kinda.
Is that really... you really care about Mal bonking the Grisha school mean girl over a year ago? Okay.
Chapter 14
Angst! Yay!
And more angst.
Chapter 15
Sasha really went “My mom killed herself to save you? Well, I’ll kill the closest thing to parents you have.”
Chapter 16
Nikolai’s alive. Kinda.
And these two have such a sibling energy, I can’t.
And then they fuck. Ew.
Chapter 17
Wait, wait wait... so Alina isn’t even the one to destroy the Fold?
Okay. That’s... weird.
Holy shit. That was...
So, Aleksander is dead. Mal isn’t. Someone else destroyed the Fold for Alina and now she has no powers.
Okay.
That’s a weird-ass ending.
Chapter 18
The gays survived, so that’s nice.
Genya made good on her promise of making Alina a ginger, lol.
After
What emotion is this supposed to give me? Cause all I feel is kinda sad.
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Wizards Hearts Recs: Veela Creature!Fic
Wizards Hearts was a four-month-long Drarry reading fest. Players were given a playing deck of 52 tropes, and were asked to find 52 different fics to read and comment on to fill their decks. To prevent the same few fics from being read, fics were restricted to only being used for the game three times before being considered ineligible for further points. The tropes and submissions list can be found here.
Check out the masterlist of fics for this trope below the cut!
📜 Taro Milk Tea with a side of Depression by VeelaWings
Rated: Mature
Words: 1073
Tags: Pre-Slash, Screenplay/Script Format, Conversations, Veela Draco Malfoy, Werewolf Harry Potter, Guidance Counselors, in therapy, Depression, Self-Hatred, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Morbid Humor, Inappropriate Behavior from a Professional, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020
Summary: Draco sat through twenty grievous minutes of Ministry-mandated group therapy for Newly Registered Magical Beings & Creatures — then promptly stormed out.
❤️ Read on AO3
📜 Feathers, Fire & Fate by agentmoppet
Rated: Teen and Up
Words: 25983
Tags: Veela Draco Malfoy, Unspeakable Harry Potter, Peacock Keeper Draco Malfoy, unusual careers, Banter, Pining, Loneliness, Dreamscapes, Accidental Bonding, Cursed Bonding, Guilt, Soulmates, Drinking, Minor Injuries, H/D Erised 2020, Creature Fic, Cursed Harry Potter, Fate, Dreams, Peacocks, Animals, Animal Sanctuary, Repaying Debt, Veela Mates
Summary: Harry Potter ignites the Veela’s Curse and gets an unwitting Draco Malfoy bonded to him as his executioner… and soulmate. They’ll need to break it quickly, before it takes over, but Potter isn’t the only one running out of time.
The sand in the hourglass has nearly fallen, and whichever way this ends, Draco is doomed.
❤️ Read on AO3
📜 Not Even Malfoys Wear Silk to Work by ringelchen
Rated: Explicit
Words: 14026
Tags: Christmas, First Dates, Co-workers, Veela Draco Malfoy, Vampire Harry Potter, Veelas, Vampires, Creature Fic, Oblivious Harry Potter, Secrets, Misunderstandings, Fluff, Explicit Sexual Content, Bottom Draco Malfoy, Top Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy Has Long Hair, Harry Potter Cooks, Soulmates, Enemies to Lovers, Flirting, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE
Summary: Harry invites Draco, his new boss who also happens to be a Veela, to spend Christmas Eve with him. It is supposed to be their first date and Harry wants it to be perfect. However, with him being a new vampire and not knowing a thing about Veelas, problems are bound to occur.
❤️ Read on AO3
📜 Soup-pocalypse and The Great Curry Cataclysm by SquadOfCats
Rated: Explicit
Words: 104357
Tags: Veela Draco Malfoy, Veela Mates, Teddy Lupin was Raised by Harry Potter, Parent Harry Potter, Depression, Mental Health Issues, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Angst, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Bottom Draco Malfoy, Top Harry Potter, Past Suicide Attempt, H/D Food Fair 2018, Ministry of Magic Employee Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter Thinks Draco Malfoy is Up to Something, Draco Malfoy Cooks, Courtship, Food Issues, Romance, Pining Draco Malfoy, Auror Harry Potter, Post-Hogwarts, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE
Summary: Eleven years after the war, Draco Malfoy leads a quiet, boring, and perfectly respectable life, thanks very much. Or, at least he does, until a sudden and very unexpected veela awakening causes him to throw soup all over Harry Potter in the middle of the Ministry cafeteria.
❤️ Read on AO3
📜 There's You by epsilonargus
Rated: Teen and Up
Words: 19254
Tags: Veela Draco Malfoy, Auror Harry Potter, Post-Hogwarts, Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Creature Fic, Winged Draco Malfoy, St Mungo's Hospital, Angel’s Trumpet Draught, Grimmauld Place, H/D Pottermore Fair 2015
Summary: When Draco is attacked and turned into a Veela, he falls under the protection of Auror Harry Potter.
❤️ Read on AO3
📜 Today, Forever by PalenDrome (nerdherderette), PotterArt
Rated: Explicit
Words: 60958
Tags: Explicit Sexual Content, Explicit Language, Voyeurism, Frottage, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Rimming, Anal Sex, Auror Harry Potter, Veela Draco Malfoy, Winged Draco Malfoy, Veela Mates, Bonding, Soulmates, Enemies to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Draco Malfoy/OMC (brief), Past Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Case Fic, Minor Violence, Minor Character Death, Magical Theory, Magical Biology, Muggle and Wizarding Technology, Digital Art, Embedded Images, Harry/Draco Big Bang 2018, Community: harrydracobang
Summary: As if his recent divorce and sleepless nights weren’t bad enough, a rash of escalating crimes against purebloods forces Harry and his team of Aurors to protect the riskiest target in all of Wizarding Britain.
Of course, Draco Malfoy would still be ridiculously infuriating and impossibly gorgeous.
As well as a Veela.
Who happens to be Harry’s mate.
❤️ Read on AO3
📜 A Year's Temptation by Lomonaaeren
Rated: Mature
Words: 118117
Tags: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Veela, Angst, Post - Half-Blood Prince, Alternate Universe, Consensual Infidelity, Dubious Consent
Summary: Draco isn't best pleased to discover he's a Veela at twenty-four...especially since both he and his mate, Harry Potter, are married. Harry suggests a compromise that might work, if everyone agrees. But the compromise is fragile, and stands the chance of only making everything monumentally worse than before.
❤️ Read on AO3
📜 High Priced by dysonrules
Rated: Mature
Words: 17094
Tags: Veela, EWE, Magical Creatures
Summary: Harry Potter discovers he has Veela blood, which requires him to have contact with his "mate" in the form of some sort of physical touching or else he will wither and die. Of course, his mate turns out to be someone extraordinarily unsuitable--Draco Malfoy, who is only too gleeful to finally have something that Harry Potter needs.
❤️ Read on AO3
📜 Animal Attraction by Tari_Sue
Rated: Explicit
Words: 19334
Tags: Veela, Veela Draco Malfoy, Veela (Harry Potter)
Summary: A hex gone wrong turns Draco from one of the world’s most despised wizards into the Ministry’s most desirable Veela. Now all he has to do is learn to control Veela Allure gone haywire, try to find a cure and avoid Harry Potter.
❤️ Read on AO3
📜 Glory Be by Lomonaaeren
Rated: Explicit
Words: 32847
Tags: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Veela, Assassins & Hitmen, Veela Fest
Summary: Draco—Draco Malfoy, skilled assassin, powerful and wealthy Veela, former Death Eater—has always known what to do, where to go, who to kill. And then Harry Potter came along: Harry Potter, Unspeakable, former Auror, the most powerful wizard Draco has ever seen. And Draco catches a glimpse of glory he may be unable to live without.
❤️ Read on AO3
📜 In The Hand by aideomai
Rated: Teen and Up
Words: 28470
Tags: Multiverse, lots of harrys, a few more dracos, feat. - Freeform, Veela Draco Malfoy, Female Harry Potter, Female Draco Malfoy, Draco Malfoy Speaks French, (sorta) - Freeform, oh and a jazz singer
Summary: Two months after Harry went missing, when Hermione was frantic with fear and panic and sleep deprivation, Draco Malfoy cornered them outside the Great Hall before breakfast.
❤️ Read on AO3
📜 Nothing Stays the Same by isabelbarret
Rated: Explicit
Words: 103022
Tags: Auror Harry Potter, Veela Draco Malfoy, Veela, Babysitter Draco Malfoy, Falling In Love, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Bottom Draco Malfoy, Top Harry Potter, Quidditch, Daily Prophet
Summary: When Luna leaves for a year for an internship in America Harry is in need of a new babysitter. That's where Draco Malfoy comes who is now a redeemed death eater, veela, and highly recommended nanny. Life only gets crazier for Harry when a new case comes to the Auror department and the Daily Prophet is printing everything that harry does. Life is never simple for Harry Potter.
❤️ Read on AO3
📜 Shine, Even in the Darkness by raitala
Rated: Explicit
Words: 41159
Tags: Top Draco, Bottom Harry, Rimming, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Oral Sex, Sex Compulsion, Quidditch, Draco is still a prick, Facials, Frottage, Auror Harry, Veela Draco
Summary: Harry hasn’t seen Draco for over fifteen years, but now he’s showing up everywhere and Harry is sort of weirdly attracted to him, but that can’t be right?
❤️ Read on AO3
📜 The Gift of Life by dragontara
Rated: Explicit
Words: 13658
Tags: Mpreg, Veela Draco, Bottom Harry, Top Draco, Protective!Draco, Difficult!Harry, Loyal!Hermione, Doting!Narcissa
Summary: Harry had always wanted a family of his own. Now, after a drunken one night stand, he was going to get it, but it'd be nice to remember with whom he was getting it. Also, having a baby with a Veela was a much bigger challenge for Harry than he'd have ever thought possible.
❤️ Read on AO3
📜 Veela-Ness by Quentin_threepwood
Rated: Mature
Words: 12618
Tags: Mpreg, Mpreg Harry, Veela Draco Malfoy, Gay
Summary: When Harry is informed he's pregnant, he knows it shouldn't be possible.
For one he was a bloke.
But maybe Draco his sort of boyfriend, wasn't lying when mentioned he was a Veela...
❤️ Read on AO3
📜 My Name Was Safest in Your Mouth by alpha_exodus
Rated: Expicit
Words: 46134
Tags: Post-Hogwarts, HP: EWE, Background Relationships, Background Slash, Background Femslash, Pining, Potioneer Draco Malfoy, Creature Fic, Veela Draco Malfoy, Mates, Veela Mates, Magical Theory, Major Illness, Dirty Talk, Masturbation, Virus, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bonding, Magical Biology, Friends With Benefits, Angst with a Happy Ending, Community: hd_erised, Alcohol
Summary: Harry didn’t ask for Malfoy to walk into his shop after so many years. But one event leads to another, and soon they’re scrambling to help Hermione find the solution to one of the most insidious viruses the wizarding world has ever seen. To make matters worse, Malfoy’s hiding something, and Harry really wants to kiss him—except Malfoy doesn’t date. Ever.
❤️ Read on AO3
📜 body electric by lastontheboat
Rated: Mature
Words: 8844
Tags: Wandmaker Harry Potter, Veela Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, draco has commitment issues, harry makes wands the muggle way, draco's magic is suddenly on the fritz, oh no what could be causing it, nothing a good lust-powered wand crafting session won't fix, Harry Potter Has Long Hair, Dirty Talk, woodworking is sexy and nothing will change my mind on this subject
Summary: “What could you possibly want?” Harry asks.
"Would you believe I’m here for assistance with my wand?” Malfoy replies, still refusing to meet his eyes, and Harry snorts.
“There are other wand makers,” he says tightly. “Unless you’ve slept with all of them as well.”
❤️ Read on AO3
📜 Amaranthine by Bumping_Bees
Rated: Explicit
Words: 10324
Tags: Veela Draco Malfoy, Mates, Romance, Soul Bond, Smut, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Light Angst, Happy Ending, Reimagining of the Deathly Hallows, The Princess Bride References, Mating Bond, Veela Mates, Facebook: Hermione's Nook, Rimming, Anal Sex, Wingfic
Summary: "Isn't that how stories are told? Fight the bad guy, be the hero, live happily ever after in love? After everything he had been through, some part of him really believed he would get a happy ending."
Harry Potter never expected to become someone's mate. He never thought Draco Malfoy would love him back. He certainly never imagined that there was a path that would lead through the war to them both being alive.
❤️ Read on AO3
📜 touch me, touch the sky by glittering_git
Rated: Explicit
Words: 34458
Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-Hogwarts, Auror Draco Malfoy, Veela Draco Malfoy, Magical Creatures Consultant Harry Potter, POV Draco Malfoy, Getting Together, Animagus, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Creature Discrimination, Mates, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Switching, Rimming, Dirty Talk, Face-Fucking, Couch Sex, Trans Female Character, Draco Malfoy & Pansy Parkinson Friendship, Bars and Pubs, Drinking, Secrets, Background Femslash, Creature Fic, Unusual Career, wing fic, Tattoos, Wandless Magic, Sectumsempra Scars (Harry Potter), Allusions to Various Creature Attacks, Non-Graphic Violence, Committing Acts of Violence Under a Spell, Compulsion, Blood and Injury, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Kidnapping, H/D Erised 2020
Summary: Draco Malfoy has been an Auror for six years, but he’s never done anything more than push paper. When he and his new partner get called in on the biggest case the DMLE has worked in ages, Draco thinks his luck has finally changed.
❤️ Read on AO3
📜 Malfoy's Mate by maraudersaffair
Rated: Explicit
Words: 2481
Tags: Veela Draco Malfoy, Auror Harry Potter, Auror Draco Malfoy, Auror Partners, Mutual Pining, Love Confessions, Getting Together, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Injury, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Christmas Fluff
Summary: Draco and Harry are Auror partners. They share a desk and quills and apricot buns. Draco is a Veela and Harry is his mate, but Draco knows he would lose Harry if he ever told him.
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70+ disabled, neurodiverse and chronically ill authors COLLAB
This post is in collaboration with several other bloggers whose links are included here:
Artie Carden
Anniek
Hi! It’s been a while since I posted anything, but this post has been a month in the making. I have twenty books by twenty authors for my part in this collaboration, and you can check out the other parts of the collab with the links at the top of the post.
I haven’t read some of these books but almost all of them are on my to be read pile, and I did extensive research to make sure I got this right, but please let me know if there are any mistakes or if anything needs to be corrected.
1. Meet Cute Diary by Emery Lee
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Meet Cute Diary follows Noah Ramirez who thinks he’s an expert on romance. He must be for his blog, the Meet Cute Diary, a collection of trans happily ever afters. There’s just one problem. All the stories are fake. What started off as the fantasies of a trans boy who was afraid to step out of the closet has grown into a beacon of hope for trans readers across the globe. Noah’s world unravels when a troll exposes the blog as fiction, and the only way to save the Diary is to convince everyone that the stories are true, but he doesn’t have any proof. That’s when Drew walks into Noah’s life, and the pieces fall into place. Drew is willing to fake date Noah to save the Diary. But when Noah’s feelings grow beyond their staged romance, he realises that dating in real life isn’t the same as finding love on the page.
The author, Emery Lee, is a kid lit author, artist and YouTuber hailing from a mixed racial background. After graduating with a degree in creative writing, e’s gone on to author novels, short stories and webcomics. When away from reading and writing, you’ll likely find em engaged in art or snuggling with cute dogs.
Emery Lee is nonbinary, and uses e/em pronouns, and e’s debut book, Meet Cute Diary, features a side character who is also nonbinary (and asexual!). Emery is also neurodivergent, and frequently speaks about what its like being a writer with adhd on twitter.
Meet Cute Diary is a book I only discovered last month, when it was published, but I’m excited to read it. It has representation of all kinds, and I love any book that has even a little mention of an asexual character because its so rare to see.
2. Ace of Spades by Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé
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At Niveus Private Academy money paves the hallways, and the students are never less than perfect. Until now. Because an anonymous texter calling themselves Aces, is bringing two students’ dark secrets to light. Devon, a talented musician, buries himself in rehearsals, but he can’t escape the spotlight when his private photos go public. Chiamaka, head girl, isn’t afraid to get what she wants, but soon everyone will know the price she has paid for power. Someone is out to get them both. Someone who holds all the aces. And they’re planning much more than a high school game.
Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé, is the author of the instant New York Times and IndieBound bestseller, Ace of Spades, billed as ‘Get out meets Gossip Girl’. Entertainment Weekly has called it “this summer’s hottest YA debut”. She was born and raised in Croydon, South London, and Faridah moved to the Scottish Highlands for her undergraduate degree where she completed a BA in English Literature. She has established and runs and mentorship scheme for unagented writers of colour, helping them on their journey to get published. Faridah has also written for NME, The Bookseller, Readers Digest and gal-dem.
Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé’s book is one that I pre-ordered months in advance, after discovering that I actually really liked this sub-genre of YA, and although I still haven’t read it yet (sorry!), I’m still super excited to dive into it. From what I hear, it has some gay rep, which we all know by now is something I seek out in my books.
3. Lycanthropy and Other Chronic Illnesses by Kristen O’Neal
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Priya has worked hard to pursue her pre med dreams at Stanford, but a diagnosis of chronic Lyme disease during her sophomore year sends her straight back to her loving but overbearing family in New Jersey and leaves her wondering if she’ll ever be able to return to the way things were. Thankfully she has her online pen pal, Brigid, and the rest of the members of “oof ouch my bones,” a virtual support group that meets on Discord to crack jokes and vent about their own chronic illnesses. When Brigid suddenly goes offline, Priya does something very out of character; she steals the family car and drives to Pennsylvania to check on Brigid. Priya isn’t sure what to expect, but it isn’t the creature that’s shut in the basement. With Brigid nowhere in sight, Priya begins to puzzle together an impossible but obvious truth: the creature might be werewolf – and the werewolf might be Brigid. As Brigid’s unique condition worsens, their friendship will be deepened and challenged in unexpected ways, forcing them to reckon with their own ideas of what it means to be normal.
Kristen O’Neal is a freelance writer who’s written for sites like Buzzfeed Reader, Christianity Today, Birth.Movies.Death, LitHub and Electric Literature. She writes about faith, culture, and unexplained phenomena. Her debut novel, Lycanthropy and Other Chronic Illnesses is based on her own experiences with being chronically ill. Kristen has two autoimmune disorders and “a number of other problems and issues” with her body. According to her website, she is doing much better than she used to, but still has flares somewhat regularly.
I cannot describe the feeling of seeing a published book with the best group chat name I have ever seen. Oof ouch my bones is absolutely something that I would be part of if it really existed, because its just such a mood, and funny at the same time. I pre ordered this book too, but like all the others, I still haven’t gotten around to reading it. I’m super excited about it though and cannot recommend it enough.
4. Only Mostly Devastated by Sophie Gonzales
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Will Tavares is the dream summer fling – he’s fun, affectionate, kind – but just when Ollie thinks he’s found his Happily Ever After, summer vacation ends, and Will stops texting Ollie back. Now Ollie is one prince short of his fairy tale ending, and to complicate the fairy tale further, a family emergency sees Ollie uprooted and enrolled at a new school across the country. Which he minds a little less when he realises it’s the same school Will goes to…except Ollie finds out that the sweet, comfortably queer guy he knew from summer isn’t the same one attending Collinswood High. This Will is a class clown, closeted – and to be honest, a jerk. Ollie has no intention of pining after a guy who clearly isn’t ready for a relationship, especially since this new, bro-y jock version of Will seems to go from hot to cold every other week. But then Will starts “coincidentally” popping up in every area of Ollie’s life, from music class to the lunch table, and Ollie finds his resolve weakening. The last time he gave Will his heart, Will handed it back to him trampled and battered. Ollie would have to be an idiot to trust him with it again. Right? Right.
Sophie Gonzales was born and raised in Whyalla, South Australia, where the Outback Meets the Sea. She now lives in Melbourne, where there’s no outback in sight. Sophie’s been writing since the age of five, when her mother decided to help her type out one of the stories she had come up with in the bathtub. They ran into artistic differences when five-year-old Sophie insisted that everybody die in the end, while her mother wanted the characters to simply go out for a milkshake. Since then, Sophie has been completing her novels without a transcript. Sophie Gonzales tweets about her experiences with ADHD on her twitter.
Only mostly devasted is one of the few books on this list that I’ve read. I read the whole thing in one sitting because I just couldn’t put it down, which is weird because I normally don’t read contemporary at all. I have recommended this book to literally everyone I know, and even bought my best friend a copy to convince her to read it.
5. The Bone Houses by Emily Lloyd Jones
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Seventeen-year-old Aderyn ("Ryn") only cares about two things: her family, and her family's graveyard. And right now, both are in dire straits. Since the death of their parents, Ryn and her siblings have been scraping together a meagre existence as gravediggers in the remote village of Colbren, which sits at the foot of a harsh and deadly mountain range that was once home to the fae. The problem with being a gravedigger in Colbren, though, is that the dead don't always stay dead. The risen corpses are known as "bone houses," and legend says that they're the result of a decades-old curse. When Ellis, an apprentice mapmaker with a mysterious past, arrives in town, the bone houses attack with new ferocity. What is it that draws them near? And more importantly, how can they be stopped for good? Together, Ellis and Ryn embark on a journey that will take them deep into the heart of the mountains, where they will have to face both the curse and the long-hidden truths about themselves.
Emily Lloyd-Jones grew up on a vineyard in rural Oregon, where she played in evergreen forests and learned to fear sheep. After graduating from Western Oregon University with an English degree, she enrolled in the publishing program at Rosemont College just outside of Philadelphia. She currently resides in Northern California.
Another book on my to be read pile that I’m super excited to read, but still haven’t gotten around to. This one features disability rep, but because I haven’t read it, I don’t know much more, sorry guys.
6. Mooncakes by Susanne Walker and Wendy Xu
📷Nova Huang knows more about magic than your average teen witch. She works at her grandmothers' bookshop, where she helps them loan out spell books and investigate any supernatural occurrences in their New England town. One fateful night, she follows reports of a white wolf into the woods, and she comes across the unexpected: her childhood crush, Tam Lang, battling a horse demon in the woods. As a werewolf, Tam has been wandering from place to place for years, unable to call any town home. Pursued by dark forces eager to claim the magic of wolves and out of options, Tam turns to Nova for help. Their latent feelings are rekindled against the backdrop of witchcraft, untested magic, occult rituals, and family ties both new and old in this enchanting tale of self-discovery.
Suzanne Walker is a Chicago-based writer and editor. She is co-creator of the Hugo-nominated graphic novel Mooncakes (2019, Lion Forge/Oni Press). Her short fiction has been published in Clarkesworld and Uncanny Magazine, and she has published nonfiction articles with Uncanny Magazine, StarTrek.com, Women Write About Comics, and the anthology Barriers and Belonging: Personal Narratives of Disability. She has spoken at numerous conventions on a variety of topics ranging from disability representation in sci-fi/fantasy to comics collaboration.
Wendy Xu is a Brooklyn-based illustrator and comics artist. She is co-creator of and currently draws the webcomic Mooncakes. Her work has been featured on Tor.com, as part of the Chinese American: Exclusion/Inclusion exhibit permanently housed at the Chinese Historical Society of America, and in Shattered: The Asian American Comics Anthology. She occasionally teaches at the Asian American Writers Workshop and currently works as an assistant editor curating young adult and children’s books.
Suzanne Walker suffers from hearing loss, something that she wrote into her graphic novel, Mooncakes, making Nova hard of hearing. I read this in a few years ago as an advance reader copy for Netgalley and it was honestly one of the best graphic novels I have ever read. The main characters are Chinese American, queer AND magic, which is an amazing combination of representation.
7. Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo
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Ketterdam: a bustling hub of international trade where anything can be had for the right price—and no one knows that better than criminal prodigy Kaz Brekker. Kaz is offered a chance at a deadly heist that could make him rich beyond his wildest dreams. But he can’t pull it off alone…
A convict with a thirst for revenge
A sharpshooter who can’t walk away from a wager
A runaway with a privileged past
A spy known as the Wraith
A Heartrender using her magic to survive the slums
A thief with a gift for unlikely escapes
Kaz’s crew is the only thing that might stand between the world and destruction—if they don’t kill each other first.
Leigh Bardugo is a #1 New York Times bestselling author of fantasy novels and the creator of the Grishaverse (now a Netflix original series) which spans the Shadow and Bone Trilogy, the Six of Crows Duology, The Language of Thorns, and King of Scars—with more to come. Her short stories can be found in multiple anthologies, including the Best American Science Fiction & Fantasy. Her other works include Wonder Woman: Warbringer and Ninth House (Goodreads Choice Winner for Best Fantasy 2019) which is being developed for television by Amazon Studios.
Leigh grew up in Southern California and graduated from Yale University. These days she lives and writes in Los Angeles.
In the acknowledgements section of Six of Crows, Bardugo reveals she suffers from osteonecrosis and sometimes needs to use a cane; this was a source of inspiration for one of the story's six protagonists, master thief and gang boss Kaz Brekker, who uses a cane.
I read Six of Crows a few years ago and I really loved it. I’m not going to pretend I managed to finish the whole Grishaverse series, because I haven’t even gotten close yet, but it really showed Kaz’s struggles with his disability, and his mental health. This is part of a duology, and the duology is part of a large series of books with another duology and trilogy, but Six of Crows can be read without reading the others.
8. Hyperbole and A Half by Allie Brosh
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This is a book I wrote. Because I wrote it, I had to figure out what to put on the back cover to explain what it is. I tried to write a long, third-person summary that would imply how great the book is and also sound vaguely authoritative--like maybe someone who isn’t me wrote it--but I soon discovered that I’m not sneaky enough to pull it off convincingly. So, I decided to just make a list of things that are in the book:
Pictures
Words
Stories about things that happened to me
Stories about things that happened to other people because of me
Eight billion dollars*
Stories about dogs
The secret to eternal happiness*
*These are lies. Perhaps I have underestimated my sneakiness!
Allie is an American blogger, writer and comic artist best known for her blog in the form of a webcomic Hyperbole and a Half. Brosh started Hyperbole in 2009 and told stories from her life in a mix of text and intentionally crude illustrations. She has published two books telling stories in the same style, both of which have been New York Times bestsellers. Brosh lives with severe depression and ADHD, and her comics on depression have won praise from fans and mental health professionals.
Another book on my tbr that I just haven’t gotten around to but really want to.
9. The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness
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What if you aren’t the Chosen One?
The one who’s supposed to fight the zombies, or the soul-eating ghosts, or whatever the heck this new thing is, with the blue lights and the death?
What if you’re like Mikey? Who just wants to graduate and go to prom and maybe finally work up the courage to ask Henna out before someone goes and blows up the high school. Again.
Because sometimes there are problems bigger than this week’s end of the world, and sometimes you just must find the extraordinary in your ordinary life.
Even if your best friend is worshipped by mountain lions...
Patrick Ness, an award-winning novelist, has written for England’s Radio 4 and Sunday Telegraph and is a literary critic for The Guardian. He has written many books, including the Chaos Walking Trilogy, The Crash of Hennington, Topics About Which I Know Nothing, and A Monster Calls.
He has won numerous awards, including the Guardian Children’s Fiction Prize, the Booktrust Teenage Prize, and the Costa Children’s Book Award. Born in Virginia, he currently lives in London.
Patrick Ness has written about OCD and anxiety in at least two of his books, inspired by his own experiences with the two disorders and how it affects him (The Rest of Us Just Live Here & Release)
10. Every Heart A Doorway by Seanan McGuire
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Eleanor West’s Home for Wayward Children
No Solicitations
No Visitors
No Quests
Children have always disappeared under the right conditions; slipping through the shadows under a bed or at the back of a wardrobe, tumbling down rabbit holes and into old wells, and emerging somewhere... else.
But magical lands have little need for used-up miracle children.
Nancy tumbled once, but now she’s back. The things she’s experienced... they change a person. The children under Miss West’s care understand all too well. And each of them is seeking a way back to their own fantasy world.
But Nancy’s arrival marks a change at the Home. There’s a darkness just around each corner, and when tragedy strikes, it’s up to Nancy and her new-found schoolmates to get to the heart of the matter.
No matter the cost.
Seanan lives in an idiosyncratically designed labyrinth in the Pacific Northwest, which she shares with her cats, Alice and Thomas, a vast collection of creepy dolls and horror movies, and sufficient books to qualify her as a fire hazard. She has strongly held and oft-expressed beliefs about the origins of the Black Death, the X-Men, and the need for chainsaws in daily life.
Years of writing blurbs for convention program books have fixed Seanan in the habit of writing all her bios in the third person, to sound marginally less dorky. Stress is on the "marginally." It probably doesn't help that she has so many hobbies.
Seanan was the winner of the 2010 John W. Campbell Award for Best New Writer, and her novel Feed (as Mira Grant) was named as one of Publishers Weekly's Best Books of 2010. In 2013 she became the first person ever to appear five times on the same Hugo Ballot.
Seanan McGuire has an invisible disability due to herniated disks in her spine. She is slowly coming to terms with this, and talks about it occasionally on her twitter, and about the struggles she faces.
I loved this book, and so did my best friend. We both read it in one sitting and talked nonstop about it afterwards. Although short, its filled with amazing characters, plot, and representation (asexual character!!)
11. Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan
Each year, eight beautiful girls are chosen as Paper Girls to serve the king. It's the highest honour they could hope for...and the most demeaning. This year, there's a ninth. And instead 📷of paper, she's made of fire.
In this richly developed fantasy, Lei is a member of the Paper caste, the lowest and most persecuted class of people in Ikhara. She lives in a remote village with her father, where the decade-old trauma of watching her mother snatched by royal guards for an unknown fate still haunts her. Now, the guards are back and this time it's Lei they're after -- the girl with the golden eyes whose rumoured beauty has piqued the king's interest.
Over weeks of training in the opulent but oppressive palace, Lei and eight other girls learns the skills and charm that befit a king's consort. There, she does the unthinkable -- she falls in love. Her forbidden romance becomes enmeshed with an explosive plot that threatens her world's entire way of life. Lei, still the wide-eyed country girl at heart, must decide how far she's willing to go for justice and revenge.
Natasha Ngan is a writer and yoga teacher. She grew up between Malaysia, where the Chinese side of her family is from, and the UK. This multicultural upbringing continues to influence her writing, and she is passionate about bringing diverse stories to teens. Ngan studied Geography at the University of Cambridge before working as a social media consultant and fashion blogger.
She lives in France with her partner, where they recently moved from Paris to be closer to the sea. Her novel Girls of Paper and Fire was a New York Times bestseller. Natasha has a heart condition, and talks about her struggles with her health, and gives updates on her health and her books on twitter.
I’ve heard a lot about this book, but for trigger warning reasons it sadly isn’t on my to be read list. Everything I’ve heard about it says its an amazing book though, and the cover is beautiful.
12. Queens of Geek by Jen Wilde
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Three friends, two love stories, one convention: this fun, feminist love letter to geek culture is all about fandom, friendship, and finding the courage to be yourself.
Charlie likes to stand out. She’s a vlogger and actress promoting her first movie at SupaCon, and this is her chance to show fans she’s over her public breakup with co-star Reese Ryan. When internet-famous cool-girl actress Alyssa Huntington arrives as a surprise guest, it seems Charlie’s long-time crush on her isn’t as one-sided as she thought.
Taylor likes to blend in. Her brain is wired differently, making her fear change. And there’s one thing in her life she knows will never change: her friendship with her best guy friend Jamie—no matter how much she may secretly want it to. But when she hears about a fan contest for her favourite fandom, she starts to rethink her rules on playing it safe.
Jen Wilde is the YA author of QUEENS OF GEEK, THE BRIGHTSIDERS and GOING OFF SCRIPT. She writes unapologetically queer stories about geeks, rockstars, and fangirls who smash the patriarchy in their own unique ways.
Her books have been praised in Teen Vogue, Buzzfeed, Autostraddle, Vulture and Bustle. Originally from Australia, Jen now lives in NYC where she spends her time writing, drinking too much coffee and binging reality TV.
Researching for this collab was the first time this book popped up on my radar as something I might be interested in reading. Jen Wilde, the author, is herself autistic and suffers from anxiety, which gives the narrative “authenticity that is lacking in similar books” according to socialjusticebooks.org.
13. The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli
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Seventeen-year-old Molly Peskin-Suso knows all about unrequited love—she’s lived through it twenty-six times. She crushes hard and crushes often, but always in secret. Because no matter how many times her twin sister, Cassie, tells her to woman up, Molly can’t stomach the idea of rejection. So, she’s careful. Fat girls always have to be careful.
Then a cute new girl enters Cassie’s orbit, and for the first time ever, Molly’s cynical twin is a lovesick mess. Meanwhile, Molly’s totally not dying of loneliness—except for the part where she is. Luckily, Cassie’s new girlfriend comes with a cute hipster-boy sidekick. Will is funny and flirtatious and just might be perfect crush material. Maybe more than crush material. And if Molly can win him over, she’ll get her first kiss and she’ll get her twin back.
There’s only one problem: Molly’s co-worker Reid. He’s an awkward Tolkien superfan with a season pass to the Ren Faire, and there’s absolutely no way Molly could fall for him. Right?
Becky Albertalli is the author of the acclaimed novels Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda (film: Love, Simon), The Upside of Unrequited, and Leah on the Offbeat. She is also the co-author of What If It's Us with Adam Silvera. A former clinical psychologist who specialized in working with children and teens, Becky lives with her family in Atlanta.
Becky Albertalli has generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), and has spoken about it in several interviews, which you can find online. She has also written several characters in her books who also suffer with anxiety. Her first book, Simon vs the Homosapien’s Agenda (or Love, Simon), is the only book of hers that I have read so far, and I loved it. It was the first contemporary book that I read and actually enjoyed.
14. Carve the Mark by Veronica Roth
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Cyra is the sister of the brutal tyrant who rules the Shotet people. Cyra’s current gift gives her pain and power—something her brother exploits, using her to torture his enemies. But Cyra is much more than just a blade in her brother’s hand: she is resilient, quick on her feet, and smarter than he knows.
Akos is the son of a farmer and an oracle from the frozen nation-planet of Thuvhe. Protected by his unusual currentgift, Akos is generous in spirit, and his loyalty to his family is limitless. Once Akos and his brother are captured by enemy Shotet soldiers, Akos is desperate to get his brother out alive—no matter what the cost.
Then Akos is thrust into Cyra's world, and the enmity between their countries and families seems insurmountable. Will they help each other to survive, or will they destroy one another?
Veronica Roth is the #1 New York Times best-selling author of the Divergent series (Divergent, Insurgent, Allegiant, and Four: A Divergent Collection), the Carve the Mark duology (Carve the Mark, the Fates Divide), The End and Other Beginnings collection of short fiction, and many short stories and essays. Her first book for adult audiences, Chosen Ones, is out now. She lives in Chicago.
Veronica Roth suffers from anxiety, like a lot of the authors on this list, and talks about it in interviews. A quote from one: "I've had an anxiety disorder my whole life, so I've been to therapy on and off throughout, before books and after books. I went back and tried to talk through some of the things I was feeling and experiencing, and it was helpful."
I’ve never read any of her books, not even the hugely famous Divergent trilogy, though they’ve been on my radar for years. I’d love to get into her books at some point, but it might take me a few years.
15. How to be Autistic by Charlotte Amelia Poe
📷An urgent, funny, shocking, and impassioned memoir by the winner of the Spectrum Art Prize 2018, How To Be Autistic by Charlotte Amelia Poe presents the rarely shown point of view of someone living with autism.
Poe’s voice is confident, moving and often funny, as they reveal to us a very personal account of autism, mental illness, gender and sexual identity.
As we follow Charlotte’s journey through school and college, we become as awestruck by their extraordinary passion for life as by the enormous privations that they must undergo to live it. From food and fandom to body modification and comic conventions, Charlotte’s experiences through the torments of schooldays and young adulthood leave us with a riot of conflicting emotions: horror, empathy, despair, laugh-out-loud amusement and, most of all, respect.
For Charlotte, autism is a fundamental aspect of their identity and art. They address the reader in a voice that is direct, sharply clever and ironic. They witness their own behaviour with a wry humour as they sympathise with those who care for them, yet all the while challenging the neurotypical narratives of autism as something to be ‘fixed’.
This is an exuberant, inspiring, life-changing insight into autism from a viewpoint almost entirely missing from public discussion. ‘I wanted to show the side of autism that you don’t find in books and on Facebook. My story is about survival, fear and, finally, hope. There will be parts that make you want to cover your eyes, but I beg you to read on, because if I can change just one person’s perceptions, if I can help one person with autism feel like they’re less alone, then this will all be worth it.’
Charlotte Amelia Poe is a self-taught artist and writer living in Lowestoft, Suffolk. They also work with video and won the inaugural Spectrum Art Prize with the film they submitted, 'How to Be Autistic’. Myriad published Charlotte's memoir, How to Be Autistic, in September 2019.
Another book I didn’t know about until researching for this post, but I really want to read it because I haven’t read many books about autism, and practically none of them were actually written by someone who actually is autistic. Charlotte uses they/them pronouns.
16. Ask me about my Uterus by Abby Norman
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For any woman who has experienced illness, chronic pain, or endometriosis comes an inspiring memoir advocating for recognition of women's health issues
In the fall of 2010, Abby Norman's strong dancer's body dropped forty pounds and grey hairs began to sprout from her temples. She was repeatedly hospitalized in excruciating pain, but the doctors insisted it was a urinary tract infection and sent her home with antibiotics. Unable to get out of bed, much less attend class, Norman dropped out of college and embarked on what would become a years-long journey to discover what was wrong with her. It wasn't until she took matters into her own hands--securing a job in a hospital and educating herself over lunchtime reading in the medical library--that she found an accurate diagnosis of endometriosis.
In Ask Me About My Uterus, Norman describes what it was like to have her pain dismissed, to be told it was all in her head, only to be taken seriously when she was accompanied by a boyfriend who confirmed that her sexual performance was, indeed, compromised. Putting her own trials into a broader historical, sociocultural, and political context, Norman shows that women's bodies have long been the battleground of a never-ending war for power, control, medical knowledge, and truth. It's time to refute the belief that being a woman is a pre-existing condition.
Abby Norman’s debut book, ASK ME ABOUT MY UTERUS: A Quest to Make Doctors Believe in Women’s Pain, was published by Bold Type Books (Hachette Book Group) in 2018, with advance praise from Gillian Anderson, Lindsey Fitzharris, Jenny Lawson, and Padma Lakshmi.
The book was praised by The New York Times Book Review, The Wall Street Journal, New York Magazine, The Washington Post, The Sunday Times, The Irish Times, Literary Review, The Times Literary Supplement, The New Republic, Book Riot, Toronto Star, ELLE, Health Magazine, Undark Magazine, BUST Magazine, Bitch Magazine, Ms. Magazine, BBC Radio 5, and other international media outlets.
In 2019, the paperback edition was published in the U.S. and the Korean translation in Seoul (Momento Publishing/Duran Kim Agency).
Her work has been featured in Harper’s, Medium, The Independent, Literary Hub, The Rumpus, Mental Floss, Atlas Obscura, and elsewhere. Interviews and profiles have been seen and heard, including NPR/WNYC, BBC, Anchor.fm, The New York Times, Playboy, Forbes, Glamour, Women’s Health, and Bitch Magazine.
Abby Norman suffers from endometriosis, which was a large part of why she wrote her book, and why she advocates so hard for fellow patients at conferences such as Stanford University’s Stanford Medicine X and the Endometriosis Foundation of America’s medical conference and Patient Day. She is
Abby has served on technical expert panels including the National Partnership for Women and Families’ CORE Network (Yale University), the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), the Centres for Medicare and Medicaid, The Society for Women’s Health Research (SWHR), and Health Affairs.
In 2019, Abby contributed to a paper addressing research gaps and unmet needs in endometriosis published in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology.
This book is definitely one I will be adding to my to be read list, as someone who (unfortunately) also has a uterus, it is important to be informed. And Abby sounds like such a badass who wrote a whole book about her chronic illness to help others with the same condition.
17. Stim: Autistic Anthology by Lizzie Huxley-Jones
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Around one in one hundred people in the UK are autistic, yet there remains a fundamental misunderstanding of what autism is. It is rare that autistic people get to share their own experiences, show how creative and talented and passionate they are, how different they are from media stereotypes.
This insightful and eye-opening collection of essays, fiction and visual art showcases the immense talents of some of the UK's most exciting writers and artists - who just happen to be on the spectrum. Here they reclaim the power to speak for themselves and redefine what it means to be autistic.
Stim invites the reader into the lives, experiences, minds of the eighteen contributors, and asks them to recognise the hurdles of being autistic in a non-autistic world and to uncover the empathy and understanding necessary to continue to champion brilliant yet unheard voices.
Lizzie (Hux) Huxley-Jones is an autistic author and editor based in London.
They are the editor of Stim, an anthology of autistic authors and artists, which was published by Unbound in April 2020 to coincide with World Autism Awareness Week. They are also the author of the children’s biography Sir David Attenborough: A Life Story.
They can be found editing at independent micropublisher 3 of Cups Press, and they also advise writers as a freelance sensitivity reader and consultant. In their past career lives, they have been a research diver, a children’s bookseller and digital communications specialist.
I wasn’t even aware that there was an anthology out there by an autistic author, about autism, but now that I do I need to read it.
18. Chimera by Jaecyn Bonê
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Creatures unlike you've imagined before!
Welcome to a world where myths and legends collide to create a new breed of monster.
Savage and soulful, these monstrosities combine to form the mighty Chimera.
In this anthology, talented writers weave 10 tales of fantastical beasts.
Featuring stories by:
Matt Bliss
Jaecyn Boné
Alexis L. Carroll
Chris Durston
Dewi Hargreaves
Stephen Howard
Samuel Logan
Vincent Metzo
Braden Rohl
Michelle Tang
Jaecyn is a queer, non-binary, disabled Asian-American writer and digital artist fascinated by faeries.
Most of their writing involves wlw romance and faery-inspired creatures. Their first novel, Farzana's Spite is a 10-year-old work in progress and the first novel in The Faerth series. Other works include The Killing Song (novel) and Colour Unknown (short), both of which are also part of the Faerth universe.
Jaecyn's art can be described as a neorealistic pop art style with cel shading. They began their digital art journey with a 5-year-old refurbished iPad using their finger as a stylus and immediately fell in love. They do digital download commissions as well as sell prints of their artwork.
Jaecyn is the Co-Editor in Chief of the Limeoncello Magazine, an online Own Voices literary magazine which debuted its first issue on March 21st, 2021.
When not writing, drawing, or chasing after their two children, they can be found either gardening or practicing their ukulele.
None of Jaecyn Boné’s books are published yet as they are still in the stage of querying, but they contributed to the above anthology, along with nine other authors. I had no idea that this anthology existed, and now I’ll be closely following this author to see when their books get published!
19. Forest of Souls by Lori M Lee
Sirscha Ashwyn comes from nothing, but she’s intent on becoming something. After years of training to become the queen’s next royal spy, her plans are derailed when shamans attack 📷and kill her best friend Saengo.
And then Sirscha, somehow, restores Saengo to life.
Unveiled as the first soul guide in living memory, Sirscha is summoned to the domain of the Spider King. For centuries, he has used his influence over the Dead Wood—an ancient forest possessed by souls—to enforce peace between the kingdoms. Now, with the trees growing wild and untamed, only a soul guide can restrain them. As war looms, Sirscha must master her newly awakened abilities before the trees shatter the brittle peace, or worse, claim Saengo, the friend she would die for.
Lori M. Lee is the author of speculative novels and short stories. Her books include PAHUA AND THE SOUL STEALER (Disney/Rick Riordan Presents), FOREST OF SOULS and the sequel BROKEN WEB (Page Street), and more. She’s also a contributor to the anthologies A THOUSAND BEGINNINGS AND ENDINGS and COLOR OUTSIDE THE LINES. She considers herself a unicorn fan, enjoys marathoning TV shows, and loves to write about magic, manipulation, and family.
Lori struggles with anxiety, and the common symptoms like fatigue but she doesn’t let this stop her writing amazing books. I read Forest of Souls earlier this year, and it was seriously one of the best books I’ve ever read. I loved the magic, the characters, the world building. Everything about it, including the plot twist ending that had me losing my mind at 2am, was just so unlike anything I had read in any other fantasy before.
20. A Song of Wraiths and Ruin by Roseanne A Brown
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For Malik, the Solstasia festival is a chance to escape his war-stricken home and start a new life with his sisters in the prosperous desert city of Ziran. But when a vengeful spirit abducts Malik’s younger sister, Nadia, as payment into the city, Malik strikes a fatal deal—kill Karina, Crown Princess of Ziran, for Nadia’s freedom.
But Karina has deadly aspirations of her own. Her mother, the Sultana, has been assassinated; her court threatens mutiny; and Solstasia looms like a knife over her neck. Grief-stricken, Karina decides to resurrect her mother through ancient magic . . . requiring the beating heart of a king. And she knows just how to obtain one: by offering her hand in marriage to the victor of the Solstasia competition.
When Malik rigs his way into the contest, they are set on a course to destroy each other. But as attraction flares between them and ancient evils stir, will they be able to see their tasks to the death?
Roseanne “Rosie” A. Brown was born in Kumasi, Ghana and immigrated to the wild jungles of central Maryland as a child. Writing was her first love, and she knew from a young age that she wanted to use the power of writing—creative and otherwise—to connect the different cultures she called home. She graduated from the University of Maryland with a Bachelor’s in Journalism and was also a teaching assistant for the school’s Jiménez-Porter Writers’ House program. Her journalistic work has been featured by Voice of America among other outlets.
On the publishing side of things, she has worked as an editorial intern at Entangled Publishing. Rosie was a 2017 Pitch Wars mentee and 2018 Pitch Wars mentor. Rosie currently lives outside Washington D.C., where in her free time she can usually be found wandering the woods, making memes, or thinking about Star Wars.
Roseanne is another author that struggles with anxiety and wrote one of her two main characters with generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), despite it being a fantasy. I don’t even think I can name a fantasy that had a character with anxiety represented so well. This was a book I read around the same time as Forest of Souls, and I loved it. The cover was beautiful, the characters were brilliant, and I just loved the world building, the magic, and the plot. It was just different to the usual fantasy books I read, and I enjoyed the variation so much I’ve had the sequel pre ordered almost a year in advance.
So, this was my 20 books by 20 chronically ill, disabled or neurodiverse authors list. Blurbs and synopsis were compiled between Goodreads and author websites, and bios were found either on Goodreads, author websites or on amazon author pages. All the information about their chronic illnesses, disabilities or neurodivergence was found online, where they had either explicitly said it or written about it, but if I have something wrong, please let me know so I can fix it!
If you have any other suggestions or know any other books and authors that should be on this list, please let me know and I’ll do my best to add it to the list as soon as possible.
Thanks for reading 😊
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I’m really trying to hold on. It’s really hard man.. I guess from the outside looking in it seems like my whole world got turned upside down because of a girl but she really was the major thing keeping me going cause I felt like she was the only person who understood me/wasn’t really judgemental of who I really am. My whole life I felt like I never fitted in so I turned to music, poetry, skateboarding, & basketball and that was my escape. Up until around age 12/13 I was pretty much mute. I didn’t talk much. And when I came home there was either no one home or if my parents were home I’d be verbally abused for being so “quiet/secluded in my room” or my mom and I would argue back and forth and it would end with her saying “I wish you got hit by a bus” or “I wish you would die”.. Hearing that often just killed my spirit most of the times. I would then stay in my room longer or even turn to cutting by using a metal hanger. All during that time I was battling my sexuality and the fear from my parents when they would say things like “gays should burn” or other homophobic slurs/speeches. I didn’t know what to do. I hated myself for being gay. I hated that “it had to happen to me”. There were several years where I wish I wasn’t born like this.. fast forward and more trauma just started piling on :( my dad didn’t make it to most of my basketball games because he worked 2 jobs and that hurt a lot because it was something I was really good at and I felt like my parents would be proud/I would be “good enough”.. my dad was then diagnosed with kidney failure during my senior year of hs.. it was scary for us all.. I didn’t want to lose my dad.. for most of my senior year my dad was in and out of the hospital for long periods and I remember one time breaking down in tears because he was in the icu and I thought he was going to die that week.. he wasn’t able to go to my hs graduation because he was in the hospital still so that was another blow. a few months after highschool my mom attempted suicide when I took my little sister on a walk.. we both came home and found her unresponsive on the floor with a suicide note. I had to calm my little sister down while making sure my mom was still alive and while calling 911.. then my dad walked in a few mins later and he started blaming me for what happened and yelling “what did I do!” fast forward to while my mom was in the hospital recovering and both my sisters and I didn’t feel like ourselves.. we didn’t want to do anything and we just kept crying and my dad starts yelling at us/verbally abusing us saying that we shouldn’t be crying and that we need to stop crying. It really sucked.. that feeling on top of everything was painful.. so again fast forward to about 1.5-2 years after hs and my mom decides to separate from my dad and wanted to live in another city and she asked me if I wanted to live with her or stay with my dad. All during this time we never had a good relationship and I thought it was a really good opportunity to build on the relationship with my mom.. then a month or two before we moved to the new city my mom lashed out all of her fears, anger & resentment towards my dad at me saying it’s all my fault and that’s when the panic attacks started. (I’m sorry for the choppy writing.. it’s really hard writing this but I know I need to get it out) I remember a week or so before we moved and all of our stuff was pretty much packed for the move and my mom wanted to see her old best friend one last time at the theatres and have burgers after and that’s when I had my first major panic attack. I was sitting in the theatre and I thought I was dying. It literally felt like a black hole cause I didn’t know what it was at the time. I thought I was having a heart attack so I just waited in the lobby until the movie was over cause I went back in 1 time for a few minutes and another one came. I ended up having 3 or 4 a week for a few months and then went to IOP for 2 months around 2014 and it helped a lot with talking out stuff/processing my thoughts.
But most importantly it helped me see that there were other people out there going through similar things and it made me not feel alone.. fast forward to a year later my dog passed away when we came to visit my dad since it was his turn to watch the dogs and it was also best for him because he was living alone back in our old city :( it was really hard taking my dog to the vet when he passed🥺 a few months after that I started to lose my hearing in one ear from an ear infection and that really brought me down cause I’m a music producer and I rely on my hearing to fine tune stuff.. all during this time while I was losing my hearing I was dating this girl who had cheated on me with several guys/past boyfriends and thats when I really started feeling like I was being kicked while I was down.. literally during the time I was crying about her but mostly why someone would do something like that and take me on a trip just to tell me they still have feelings for their ex/cry about them, my mom had punched feeling in my face for crying about her and told me to stop crying or pack my bags. That was probably one of the most traumatic things because I really felt like I had no one to talk to and I felt really alone. All while my bestfriend back in my old city promised to visit but never did :/ I had no one but my little sis who was my best friend and I’m super grateful she was born cause without her honestly I wouldn’t be here. I literally raised her for 2-3 years and took her everywhere to just escape everything at home. It was a blessing that I had money from music to do all those mini trips/food runs.. it was a huge blessing man. So fast forward to a year later around 2016/2017 my grandfather started having major strokes and was in and out of a hospice and later passed away towards the end of 2017. It was too much all while my mom and little sister had moved to a different state and my dad had a kidney transplant.. I was his caretaker and my older sister didn’t help :/ I literally was breaking down everyday because I was asking why is this all coming down on me :/
I’m literally crying right now because right around that time I met someone really incredible and it just hit me rn. She was the light at the end of the tunnel in a sense. Now that I look back at things, her coming into my life at that time saved me. And maybe writing this was the answer I was looking for as to why I saw her picture 10-15 years before I even met her during the time when all the pain started in my life. Meeting her/her come into my life might be the message that everything’s going to be okay. Man.. idek what to think rn. She really is an angel in a sense cause she saved me from myself and helped me see that I have the ability to heal.. and of course I wish things ended differently cause I still love her but that’s out of my control. I have to heal and move on but also forgive myself and forgive my past and most importantly allow myself to heal. I have to fall in love with myself and love me unconditionally. I want to be one of the greatest music producers ever and have an amazing wife, kids, and beautiful house but that can’t happen if I don’t heal and forgive.
If anyone read this up to this point you’re beyond special to me and I don’t know how to thank you but it means the world to me that you read my story. I don’t like sharing because it’s really painful and makes me feels extremely vulnerable so thank you so much🥺🤧 thank you🤧🙏 I love you🤟💕
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highlights of stranger things season 3 (SPOILERS!!)
Mileven being uh... teenagers? Hooking up? What the fuck, they were like ten years old three minutes ago
‘‘THREE INCHES AT LEAST!’’
Hop scaring the shit out of Mike
‘‘My Nana might... die?’‘
‘‘Gross...’‘/‘‘I will never fall in love...’‘ SAME WILL SAME
I don’t know if Max and Lucas are officially a couple, but I love their dynamic anyway
‘’AHOY!’‘
Oh my god Robin is my new favourite character
‘‘How many children are you friends with?’‘
Erica constantly asking for ice cream samples. (me.)
I feel like the mayor is a kind of a way to mock Trump??? And that’s a very good job.
Nancy standning up for herself! I missed her POWER.
‘‘NO GIRLS!’‘
I DUMP YOUR ASS
Mike and Lucas being disgusting and laughing and Will being like ‘’ugh heteros’’
Will’s costume, I love my son so much
‘‘It’s not my problem you don’t like girls!’‘ fUck you Mike, but also thanks for confirming that WIll is actually gay
WILL IS GAY
‘‘YEAH,, SHITHEADS!’‘ Good parenting Karen
Max and El being the ULTIMATE DUO!
‘‘Who are you going to call? The police?’‘
‘‘Magnets’‘ ‘‘Magnits!’‘ ‘‘YEA YEA MAGNITS!!!’‘
That Alexey guy lol
I kind of shipped Murray and Alexey, sue me
‘‘...the machines in the farm where we kiddnaped you...?’‘
Alexey watching Looney Tunes
‘‘NO SHIT HARRINGTON!’‘
When Billy was choking El i almost had a heart attack
Last season El closed the gate with just her mind, and the Russians need an entire laser gun thing to open it again? ugh HER POWER
El openning doors and beating the shit out of them, like the good old times
ELMAX CUTE SLEEPOVERS READING WONDERWOMAN TOGETHER... MY HEART...
‘‘What is your problem?!’‘ Is it just me, or Winona was 100% Veronica there?
SCOOPS TROOP CARRIED THE ENTIRE SEASON ON THEIR BACKS
Like really, Steve, Robin, Erica and Dustin were a FUCKING POWERFUL SQUAD, they made the season 10000 times better
‘‘Yeah like... Scott Clark...’‘
‘‘Detective Byers’‘
Robin’s knee patch
‘‘I’m sorry is there anything you want to share with the class?’‘
Long ass shots with trembling lights and dead bodies on the floor, that’s peak stranger things
‘‘Marco?’‘ ‘‘POLO!”‘
‘‘Well he did ask for cherry’‘
‘‘No cherry no deal’‘
FAT RAMBO
‘‘i WONT FORGET YOU!’‘ ‘‘MOOOOOOOOOOVE!’‘
Is none looking for their god damn kids in this town
‘‘He said he’s going to kill all of you’‘ ‘‘oh well, that’s nice’‘
Robin and Steve acting dead drunk, and Dustin and Erica acting like their parents, that’s peak comedy
‘‘How many times dad? I don’t do drugs.. Only marijuanna’‘
‘‘It’s official, I’m never having kids’‘
Dustin and Erica really had the braincell in this season.
Joyce beating the SHIT out of the mayor, for no reason. that’s my girl
The kids getting locked in a house, holding weapons, that’s peak stranger things too
the toilet scene!!!!!
Scoops Troop should addopt Will because he’s having INCREDIBLY SMALL SCREEN TIME UGH
I was like ‘’ugh more boring romance between Robin and Steeve’’ but then... ROBIN IS wlw!!!! AND THAT’S WAY WAY WAY WAY BETTER THAN ANOTHER ONE BORING ROMANCE
We have two canonically lgbt characters, st said gay rights
And also Max is lowkey in love with EL???
‘‘..HER WHOLE KNEE CAME OUT, IT WAS SIX INCHEES IT WAS INSANE’‘ ‘‘You are not helping.’‘
DUSTIN AND SUZIE HAVING AN ENTIRE MUSICAL NUMBER WHILE THE WORLD WAS ENDING,,,
The last episode leaved me traumatised.
Like really traumatised.
I’m kind of glad El lost her powers and she can be a normal girl.
Also i’m SO sad and traumatised that i almost felt happy when i saw the good old demogorgon in the end of the last episode.
I never liked Billy like NEVER but i felt sorry for him.
Hopper... Hop...........................................why.....w....h............y...
Hopper was like the spirit of stranger things, everything is going to be so different without him
Joyce is so broken, she can’t handle it and neither i can
WHY THEY MOVE OUT WHY WHY WHY I WANNA KNOW
Can you imagine how Mike felt, he spend the entire s1 looking for Will then s2 looking for El, and then he LOST THEM BOTH AGAIN
Everyone is crying and so i am
WILL AND EL ARE NOW SIBLINGS ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ MY HEART UWU
El lost her powers, Hop is gone, the Byers move out, i can’t even imagine how s4 is going to be
i m....................... crying
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LGBTQ+
I don’t know if I ever posted such a thing like this before, but here goes nothing. Here’s to hoping I touch a life of someone else who is in a similar situation like I am. (Warning! I will be using explicit language and the visuals you will have in your mind, are from conversations I would have had in the past).
On October 4, 2002, I came out of the closet to both my parents. I figured I couldn’t keep who I was a secret, and the amount of anxiety attacks I would have from keeping a secret like that from them, bugged the shit out of me. When I told them, I wasn’t told, “I know” “we still love you” or even “everything is going to be okay.” Instead, my father sat in silence while my mum told me that if I was gay, that meant, “You will get fucked up the ass and die of AIDS before the age of 21.” For a bit, I was in denial, because at the time, I didn’t discover pornography on the web, and I didn’t know people could be a top, bottom, or even versatile. However, I remember going to bed that night crying because I wasn’t believed by my own parents. Day after day, I resented the fact I told them, and I didn’t have a friend to confide in at school to tell them what went down when I came out of the closet. I always already bullied for being different, and rumors would go around about me being gay, but I never dared to tell anyone. I was too scared to. I mean, wouldn’t you? My school was a little over an hour away from home, but I didn’t even have friends in my neighborhood to confide in about me being gay either. Looking back, there were a couple people I would chat with from time to time, and they gave me the impression they were either gay or they would have been okay with me telling. However, I kept who I was a secret. The bullying in the neighborhood was so bad, that one time, a bunch of kids on their bikes, without wearing a shirt, asked me if I wanted a piece of their ass. I never found out who they were, they were much farther from me as I was walking my dog, that I didn’t get a good glimpse of who they might have been. For a couple years, my father tried to scare homosexuality out of me by telling me “gay horror sex stories” about what would happen to a guy’s ass if they got fucked entirely way too much up there, while my brother and mother were being very homophobic. Today, in 2020, my mum doesn’t remember ever telling me that she used to say things like, “there is no place in heaven for you” or “you are going to hell.”
After my affair with a married man when I was at the age of 22, my father brought me home from the hospital because I had an anxiety attack on Easter Sunday in 2011, because my mum told me I couldn’t see my friend anymore because she claimed I was making him gay. I remember telling her, “you either are, or you aren’t. There is no in-between.” I was however, worried, she was going to find out I lost my virginity to this man and decided to go to the emergency room and I remember crying in front of the hospital’s social worker and the doctor why my anxiety was so bad. They didn’t tell me it was okay to be gay, they just sat there and listened. I remember telling the nurses that if my mum comes to the hospital asking for me, I do not want you to let her back in the emergency room with me. She did however come, and they told me they were getting ready to the call the police on her. I went out there and told her to go home and I don’t want to see her ever again. That night though, my dad did come to get me and he brought me home. I remember to this day that he patted me twice on the leg and said, “It’s okay to be gay, as long as you are safe and careful, but please don’t ever have another affair. Don’t ruin someone else’s marriage.”
Fast forward, eventually my brother came around and in 2016, my mum sort of came around. I remember reading a doctor’s note that mentioned how sorry my mum felt for not being the mother I needed when I came out. I also believed that my mum finally came to terms with who I was. Needless to say, I was wrong. And as of 2020, I found out.
See, last year, around April or May, I came out to my parents as non-binary, my mum believed I needed a diagnosis of that, while my father said I was telling himself he already knew. However, I said “I wanted to tell you guys instead of you assuming I might be transgender, or even something else just based upon you guys doing your own research.
About a month ago, my mum and I had a heated conversation about the fact that I had accepted the fact she is an alcoholic and I accepted the many consequences that followed suite. She claimed I really didn’t, but I told her I did regardless of what God told me to do. I also said, “it is just like you accepting that I am gay and non-binary.” She told me she doesn’t accept those things because it is a sin and her God says it is wrong. She also left it with a statement by saying, “I accept the fact that you are my child, and I know I cannot change you.” That really hurt, because after four, almost five years, I really thought her logical thinking of me being gay was different, however, I was very wrong. This is where I am going to say what I have been wanting my soul focus of my blog to be about.
In the Bible, John 13:34-35 to be exact says, “So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.” Jesus never said to love your neighbor until that person is drunk, a prostitute, gay, Muslim, etc. He just told us to love each other as He loves us. Let me tell you something quick about me, from the very beginning of time, I have always loved people and accepted everyone despite their differences because someone might have it a whole lot worse than me. I grew up until the age of ten as a non-believer in Jesus. Sure, I went to the Kingdom Hall for two weeks, every summer when I went to see my grandmother until she couldn’t drive anymore, but knowing she is a Jehovah Witness, but I wasn’t a full believer and church goer until I was ten. But even then, I still loved and accepted everyone despite their differences, because someone in my circle at church, might have it worse than me. Eventually, when I was taught that scripture of John 13:34-35, I was all like, “well, that’s something I have always done and I guess I am already following a command from God that I didn’t know about. My boyfriend pointed out earlier this week, that there is a passage in the Bible that talks about us doing things without even knowing that there is scripture about it, the passage is Romans 2:14-15 “Even Gentiles, who do not have God’s written law, show that they know his law when they instinctively obey it, even without having heard it. They demonstrate that God’s law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right.” I bring this up because I have always loved my mum and even when she told me she was an alcoholic, I still loved her, sure at first, I hated that she kept going downhill instead of getting better, and the blaming of me day after day, but at the end of the day I still love her. I still love her to this day even after last week her telling me when my boyfriend comes down for Thanksgiving, that he and I do not talk about us being gay to the guests at our table for Thanksgiving because they are Southern Baptists. I know everyone has a different take on homosexuality when it comes to the Bible, some are full of love for everyone without pointing out the sins of others, while others point out sins and think they are doing it out of love. But here is where I am going with this. It is in MY HUMAN NATURE, to love everyone despite their differences and ACCEPT THEM because they have it a lot worse than me. I do not need the Bible to tell me that. I never have and never will need it. If my mum is choosing to just ‘ACCEPT THE FACT THAT I AM HER CHILD AND SHE CAN’T CHANGE ME’ she will have to answer to God for that, not me. But I will never stop loving my mum the way God loves her despite her alcoholism and her addiction to it. It is like I told my therapist this week. I can’t change who I am because of me knowing this who I am and I was born this way, but my mum can change who she is to be a better person and she refuses to do it.
I know I talked your eyes out and for that I am sorry. If you like what you have read, give me a follow, like my post, because by 2021, I am going to try and get better in blogging and video logging every other day. Happy Holidays!!
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Joe Alwyn — Red Magazine (Jan 2020) interview
You’d think that a back-to-back Hollywood movie career and a megastar girlfriend might have changed Joe Alwyn, but he’s quick to assure Nathalie Whittle that his feet remain firmly on the ground.
“So you didn’t see the part where the aliens attack?” asks Joe Alwyn, a playful smirk on his face. He’s referring to his latest film, Harriet, which I had a sneak preview of the previous day, although the fire evacuation (false alarm) meant I missed the ending. The biographical drama tells the story of Harriet Tubman (played by Cynthia Erivo), the historic abolitionist who escaped slavery and led hundreds of others to freedom. Alwyn plays her insufferably cruel and capricious slave master Gideon Brodess. He is, of course, joking about the aliens. At least, I hope he is. Today, we’re tucked away in the corner of a dimly lit bar at London’s Covent Garden Hotel. It’s the sort of drizzly afternoon that might dampen the moods of most, but not Alwyn. He appears cheery and at ease, sporting country casuals: a grey mohair jumper, blue jeans, and brown boots along with an unkempt beard; perhaps an attempt to disguise the boyish good looks he’s become known for. He stops to interrupt me only once with a look of alarm: he’s forgotten to offer me something to eat or drink. I can have anything I want, he assures me.
At 28, Alwyn has had the sort of career trajectory that most aspiring actors wistfully dream about for years, even decades. His education included a degree in English literature and drama at the University of Bristol, followed by a BA in acting at London’s Royal Central School of Speech and Drama. But within two weeks of his graduate showcase, Alwyn received a life-changing phone call. He refers to it as the thing “I owe everything to.”
“I’d just signed with an agent and I was kind of pinching myself, you know, how surreal is that?” he says. “She sent me a portion of the script for a film, Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk, that Ang Lee was directing. I’d grown up watching his films — Brokeback Mountain and Life of Pi — so I couldn’t believe I was even going to do a tape for someone like that. I got my dad to film me in a scene in my bedroom and some mates to film me during a lunch break. The next thing I know, Ang wants to meet me in New York.” Cue a series of auditions and screen tests that led to Alwyn bagging the title role in his first big-budget Hollywood film. He was just 24. “It was so much so fast that I didn’t really compute what was going on,” he concedes. “Before that I was just a poor student who barely understood how people got auditions, let alone landed jobs.” Did he have any jobs before that? I ask. “I did have this one job in London,” he says wryly. “Do you know that frozen yogurt place, Snog?” I’m struggling to picture Alwyn serving up frozen delights. He’s laughing now. Was it a good gig? “Exceptional!” More laughter follows. “I mean, I was paid some money! Then I worked in a menswear shop. I did what I could to make some extra cash.”
A far cry from a frozen-yogurt counter, doors started opening to bigger and better opportunities as soon as Billy Lynn hit cinemas. The next script Alwyn read was Yorgos Lanthimos’s The Favourite (released in 2019), in which he secured a small but riotous role as young baron Samuel Masham alongside acting greats Olivia Colman and Emma Stone. “Putting on giant wigs and running around in make-up and chasing Emma Stone through the forest — what more could you want?” he laughs. The film earned widespread critical acclaim, receiving seven BAFTAs and a record 10 British Independent Film awards.
Having further honed his craft in subsequent films Mary Queen of Scots and gay-conversion therapy drama Boy Erased, Alwyn is about to enter into unknown territory. This Christmas, he’ll play Bob Cratchit in his first-ever TV drama, BBC One’s A Christmas Carol; a “darker, twisted, less glossy” version of the Charles Dickens classic. He’s “feeling good about it,” but I’m curious as to how he’s approached this change of scenery. Was he not nervous? “Oh, very. I tried to watch other people. It’s the second time I’ve worked with Guy Pearce [who plays Scrooge] and I asked him a lot of stuff, which probably annoyed him. I watched the way he works and the questions he asked on set when he was approaching a scene.”
Two people who will definitely be watching Alwyn’s TV debut are his mother, a psychotherapist, and his father, a documentary-maker. “They’d better be watching!” he laughs. Born in London’s Tufnell Park, Alwyn recalls being given stacks of videos every birthday and “watching them to death, until the tapes burned up.” One of his favourites was The Mask of Zorro. In fact, he was so obsessed with it that he and his best friend took up fencing lessons at a local community centre in Crouch End, where, by chance, he was spotted by a local casting agent for the hit British romcom Love Actually. She asked him to audition for the role of Sam; he breaks into a wide smile when I ask what he remembers of it. “I didn’t know much about what the film was; I was most excited about the fact I got the day off school! But I remember being in a room with Richard Curtis and Hugh Grant reading scenes, many of which didn’t make it into the film. And I left the audition thinking, ‘I really recognize that guy from somewhere’.”
Alwyn didn’t get the part. Instead, he forgot about acting for a while, with the exception of summer holidays, where his parents would send him and his older brother off to “some drama camp as a way of preoccupying us.” He explains that when he later realized he wanted to act on a serious level, he kept it a secret. Was it because he was worried how his parents would react to a somewhat precarious career choice? “Well, it meant putting myself out there in a performative way, and that wasn’t necessarily something I did or was used to doing. It felt like it should be quite a ‘look at me’ job, and that wasn’t really how I felt growing up. I wasn’t a painfully introverted kid, but I wasn’t a particularly extroverted one, either. So maybe I was self-conscious about the idea of saying to people, ‘Look, I can do this’.”
He credits drama school with giving him “permission” to go for it. “Plus my parents were great about it. They’re both freelance themselves, so while they recognize the perils, they also couldn’t say to me, ‘We can follow what we want, but you can’t’. There wasn’t a boundary, which helped a lot.”
I wonder if it’s been difficult acclimatizing to the level of fame that’s come as result of his roles. “There have definitely been changes that have taken some getting used to, whether it’s sitting down and doing an interview or someone recognizing you,” he says. “There are things that have changed in my life, but I still very much feel like the same person. It probably helps that I’ve been hanging out with the same friends literally every day since I was 12 years old. Maybe it’s when those things change that people change, I don’t know.”
It’s fair to say that the level of interest in Alwyn has, in part, been heightened by the fact that, in his spare time he plays the role of Mr. Taylor Swift. The pair reportedly met in late 2016 and became in item shortly afterwards. I’ve been warned ahead of our meeting that Alwyn “doesn’t talk about that”, and he’s keen to justify his stance in person. “I feel like my private life is private and everyone is entitled to that.” he says. “I’ve read stories recently about people like Ben Stokes and Gareth Thomas, which are a gross invasion of their privacy and of their lives. It’s disgusting. That’s not journalism, that’s just invasive.”
It must be tough, I suggest, being in a relationship that is surrounded by so much scrutiny. “I just don’t read the headlines,” he says. “I really don’t, because I can guarantee 99% of them are made up. So I ignore it.” Recent rumours suggest the pair are engaged, and are owed in part to one of Swift’s latest songs, Lover (’My hearts been borrowed and yours has been blue. All’s well that ends well to end up with you’), as well as a piece of string tied around Swift’s finger in a Vogue cover shoot. According to die-hard fans, this means something. But to Alwyn, it’s clear it means nothing at all. Is he never tempted to respond to the mistruths, to shut them down? “No, because it’s just pointless,” he sighs. “It won’t change anything. I just don’t pay any attention. I have my life and it’s kind of separate to all that stuff.”
I’m curious as to how much time he gets to simply enjoy the success he’s experiencing. “There’s lots of time not working, I wish there was less in a way!” he laughs. “I go to the pub, play football, go to gigs, watch TV (he’s just finished season three of True Detective), pretty normal things. There’s no ‘secret life’. But ultimately, I worry about finding the next job; that’s the truth. In the midst of everything, there’s always that feeling of ‘I’m never going to work again’. It’s a cliche, but you can’t just sit there waiting for the phone to ring. You have to try and take control. You’re at the mercy of the things you seek out — the directors and the connections — so I try to be on top of that as I can and read what I’m sent and be discerning. I try to pick wisely and follow up on people and leads that I’m interested in.”
Is there an end point he wants to get to, where he’ll feel like he’s made it? “Things have certainly shifted in my twenties,” he says. “Success to me now is doing things that make me happy and that make me feel fulfilled, doing what I want to do and being on the right track. Not in terms of being on a results-based track, but just doing something I love.” He pauses and smiles. “That sounds a bit sentimental, doesn’t it?”
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Another Danganronpa AU because I have a problem. Also because I've been reading a lot of time loop fics, don't judge me.
Whenever I go off on a tangent, I'll try to mark it with () or []
I've not managed to find one where Shuichi is the time traveler, but there's a fuckload of Kokichi. Yep, I'm actually including drv3 this time. A miracle. Let's take all the side antagonists, Byakuya Togami, Nagito Komaeda, and Kokichi Ouma. These little shits are uncooperative as all hell, but at least Byakuya is emotionally attached to his fellow survivers by the end.
Nagito and Kokichi both died, but for slightly different reasons, despite both trying to make an unsolvable murder.
Now that you know what characters I'm using, allow me to spill my ideas in a way that might not make much sense.
In all of their rooms, once they finish the first loop (canon) they find an extra tablet. That or an extra feature on the monopads. This allows them to chat with each other as they realize that they're all in the same situation.
Kokichi is already kinda attached to his classmates but paranoia and trust issues like to bite him in the ass. Nagito legit dies to try and kill all of them so he takes a while to come around. (Specifically after Byakuya ask Junko about the ultimate despair and why they follow her. "Manipulation and a hell of a lotta brainwashing!" Or something.)
Everytime they die, or finish the game wrong, the go into a blankness. Just an empty void that they stay in until the others also die/finish incorrectly. They all start the time loops at the exact same time, no matter when they finish.
Once Nagito gets aware of the goal (get everyone out alive) he tries it. He's the first to get out. Ultimate Luck and all that, also the fact that he was the one who initiated the murder.
I hear what your saying, "what about the fourth chapter" and to that I respond with what I remember from the game, "it's only real because you think it's real." If Nagito told them and convinced them it was virtual by then, they'd be fine. How'd he know it was virtual? He's already gotten to the end multiple times, just never with everyone.
That's enough about dr2 for now though, I talk about it too much anyway. Byakuya goes through his fair share of "fuck this" and is not ok. He and Kokichi both starve themselves before they realize the goal (they both realized during the same loops thanks to Shuichi and Makoto) meanwhile Nagito is fucking around because hey, what if I fuck with Fuyuhiko so much, he traps me in a tree and cuts off my fingers? Maybe that's the answer.
Look at the self-deprecating dumbass go-
Kokichi is trying his best, but he's really not sure how to pass the fourth or first chapters without someone dying. That's what most of his loops are, him dying while trying protect someone so he can get this shit over with.
Let's just say, Tsumugi often hits the gremlin child and the avocado. Once he figures out how to get past that (who knew bringing another person into the library would be so useful?) he's so fucking relieved because he can stop Kirumi a lot easier.
(Once they get past a motive with no death and then sleep, their progress "saves" so they don't have to keep doing it, and wake up in bed)
Byakuya is having a bad time, because there's Toko, but then Oogami, and oh fuck he forgot about Mukuro. Damn. Don't forget that Monokuma isn't above bending the rules! He'll gleefully execute the wrong person if their annoying enough.
The amount of times Byakuya got framed for murder and executed is so much higher than the other two, but it still happened occasionally. It happened to Nagito the least tho.
(At one point Kokichi fucks up and everyone thinks he's a girl, Nagito has to tap dance to distract everyone from murdering, and Byakuya is forced into gymnastics. Byakuya cussed one time in all of this, and it was when he first saw Makoto's dead body and Kyoko being framed. When he confessed this to the chat, Kokichi started spamming swears, which nearly gave Nagito a heart attack when he got online about halfway through.)
In this au, drv3's canon ending is bullshit because fuck that noise. As well as a little rewriting of dr3's future version. Byakuya is now an expert at doing stupid shit but no one dieing, so he does exactly that. He somehow wiggles into the meeting and (thanks to his painfully acquired chemical resistance) doesn't pass out.
He pretends to tho and basically breaks all of dr3 future version's canon. No one dies and Monica gets sent to Jabberwock Island where she freaks the fuck out at Nagito acting differently. Byakuya sighs as his time traveling friend tries to calm down a screaming child.
Of course, I went off on a tangent so here's drv3! They all get out, Tsumugi doesn't die (Kokichi learned his lesson about that already) and they get out, dragging a tied up Tsumugi with them.
Junko isn't dead either btw. Makoto is trying to reform her and kinda failing, but at least she isn't trying to kill him constantly.
[Her plans were always foiled by Byakuya cuz apparently he's still in the time loop. Every time someone (important) dies and he sees the body he wakes up that morning or yesterday with enough time to stop it. He's not sure why. The same thing starts happening to Nagito when he gets out, but they always loop together. Dr3 was a nightmare for Nagito, because he didn't know what was happening to Byakuya]
Kokichi steps out and finds that, instead of it all fading to black like normal, it fades to white. He smiles as it fades because that means he did a good job, even if he hasn't been able to talk to Nagito for seven loops or Byakuya for two.
Then he wakes up and finds them both standing over his hospital bed. (they sent pictures of themselves in the group chat) and it turns out that Junko had kidnapped them when they were children and forced them into multiple killing games, that they'll never remember, but the fake talents they have now are practically real talents, so they're artificial just like Hajime's.
Then, because drv3 is a literal teen and not an adult with only their teenage memories like dr2, the whole cast gets practically adopted by the adults. Their parents are all dead.
(all the backstories are kind of similar to reality. Kokichi was in an orphanage with a small group of friends that liked to play pranks. Shuichi's parents were abusive so his uncle took him in. His uncle in dead now soo-
Hurt/comfort saiouma and you can't stop me. Mutual healing is what gives me life. Also neagirigami. And komahina. Let the antagonists be gay/bi for the protagonists/heroine.)
Kokichi's game ended only a few months after Nagito's.
Let me know if this is kind of hard to understand because of how much I jumped around, and I'll try to explain whatever confused you!
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For the fic title thingy: lifetime in repeat and rarry!
I'm typing this on my phone, so forgive any typos. I had the option to write fluff BUT.
This was a curse, Harry thought numbly as he sat on the hospital chair. The war was over, and people were still getting hurt. People he loved were still being hurt. Because of him.
A lifetime ago, his mum had stepped in front of him and taken a curse meant for him. And died for it. And now, two decades later, the person he loved the most in the entire world has done the same thing. And he could very well die for it too.
No one knew what spell it had been. Or if it had a cure. All Harry knew was that they were on a mission that had gone south, and one moment he had thought he was a goner, wand a few feet too far away for him to reach in time. The next, a blue spell shot at his direction, but instead of blinding pain or nothingness, Ron was suddenly in front of him. And falling. Crashing to the ground and not getting up. The momentary distraction allowed Harry to stun their assailant, but then Ron was letting out horrible wheezing noises, and Harry was panicking, trying to remember the wand movements for a portkey. But then Ron had grabbed his hand, and looked up at him with desperate, panicked eyes. And as if it was the most difficult task in the world (and it probably was), he gasped out, "Harry, I love-"
But as to who he loved would remain a mystery, because Ron's eyes closed and he slumped to the floor, succumbing to the curse cast upon him. Harry had remained frozen, mind unwilling to comprehend what just happened, for seconds, seemingly minutes, hours, days, until the rest of their team found them and rushed them to St. Mungos. It was then it was discovered that Ron was in a coma. And no one had any clue when he would wake up. If ever.
And so, the search began. It was almost like at Hogwarts, he thought bitterly, another mystery to be solved and researching in the library until the late hours of the night. Except they were missing funny remarks and half-hearted complaints and mischievous blue eyes that tried to distract them from the task at hand. Harry thought he would be sick.
And so they searched for days that turned into weeks, until a month later they had found nothing, and Harry stood at the edge of Ron's bed, glaring down at his pale best friend.
"You idiot," he growled. "You absolute git. What the fuck were you thinking, taking that spell? You fucking prick. You- you-" Harry's voice broke, and he choked back a sob. "Wake up, Ron. You have to wake up. I can't so this without you. I can't-" He choked on another sob.
And the thing was, he realized in horror, he couldn't live without Ron. He was the thing he couldn't be without. The thing he'd miss the most. His parents and Sirius and Dumbledore had hurt. But no one held a candle to Ron. And no one ever would. "Please wake up, Ron. Please."
Over the next few months, Harry developed a routine. He'd come in every day during his lunch break and sit by his bed. After work, he and Hermione researched for hours until Hermione called it a night. Then he would make his way back to the hospital and sit at Ron's side for a few more hours. He'd taken to take a chess set, and play against himself while he chatted about everything and nothing. Sometimes he'd talk about mundane stuff, such as Quidditch games and the new WWW products. But he'd also share secrets and wishes and shared thoughts he'd never had before.
One day, as he held a knight in his hand he'd just captured, he said, "This piece was always your favorite. You identified with it. And it's appropriate. You've always been our knight. Always protect us." He paused. "But the thing is, you always seem to think that the knight is the less important piece compared to the rest. That it's expendable. And you're wrong. You have no idea, just how irreplaceable you are. Just how much-" He paused again. "I love you, Ron. And I'm sorry I never told you enough. "
And so the months dragged on. From six, to seven, to eight, and nine. And slowly, Hermione spent less hours at the library and the Weasleys ran out of leads. It seemed there was no cure. And Ron would wake when he wanted to. If ever.
But Harry stayed. And when Hermione raged at him for the dozenth time that he was wasting his life away, he snapped, "he's here because of me!"
Hermione's eyes hardened. "Don't you dare start. He loved you. This isn't about-"
"I know," he said. "I know he did."
Her gaze softened, and she said, " he might never wake up."
"I know."
And so the routine continued. And Harry joked with Ron that he was practicing so much chess, he'd surely beat him when he woke. And he refused to believe otherwise. And the one-sided conversations continued.
"You're disgusting for putting pineapple on pizza you know. I think you do it to spite me."
"You never really dated after Hermione. Why is that?"
"Remember that time you threw orange juice at Malfoy? Classic."
"I saw Seamus and Dean today. Did you never they were gay? Hermione and Ginny were shocked I didn't know. But it'd be interesting wouldn't it? Dating your best friend? It'd surely be easier. Not that I see you that way. I mean you're quite fit, but... huh."
"Ginny made the Harpies. You'd be so proud of her."
"What if I dumped a bunch of spiders on you? Would that wake you up?"
"You always seemed a little jealous whenever I went out on a date. I never got it. You can pull enough girls on your own, you know? They flirt with you as well, so what were you so jealous of?... I guess I wouldn't mind it too much if you were jealous of them."
"C'mon you lazy git. I know you love your sleep, but this is a little excessive. "
"I finally beat Bill at chess today. Aren't you proud?"
"Teddy turned four today. You should've seen his face when he blew out the candles. He looked just like Tonks."
"So um... I think I might be a little gay?"
"Please wake up, Ron. Please wake up."
And it was a year and two months after the attack, and Harry was so concentrated on the chess board that he didn't notice, not until he heard a weak, "Harry?"
His head shot up, and he stared in shock at the bright, blue eyes that haunted his dreams. The ones he'd missed more than anything.
He smiled. "Hey, Ron."
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i just watched the dallas theatre company les mis here are my observations
IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THIS PRODUCTION I SUGGEST YOU DO! DON’T READ THIS IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS THOUGH!
so, in case you didn’t know: in 2014, Dallas Theatre Company did a modern interpretation of les mis. i just watched it on youtube (i will link it later, i promise) and took SO MANY GODDAMN NOTES so here they are!
ACT ONE
(Look Down-WHID)
starting out strong! we got some HARSH TRUTHS ABOUT THE JAIL SYSTEM!! blatant police brutality happening BASICALLY the entire first part of the song. it hurts me.
note on the cops costumes: they legitimately terrify me and they are dressed in like. full riot gear.
okay so,,,valjean wraps the rope from his bag around his neck at the end of WHID. this is interesting bc, a) he’s trying to find a solution as to what he should do after the Bishop and that’s a direction I’ve surprisingly seen no one take, but b) this part has the same melody as javert’s suicide, when javert is ALSO trying to figure out what he should do after his perception on life is altered. for a moment there, they both are on the same page, the page being suicide. however, only one of them takes that choice.
the above makes the lines (in both songs) “i’ll escape now from that world / from the world of valjean” ESPECIALLY interesting because. in two different ways, they did escape, but they ALMOST had the same conclusion for a brief second.
(At The End Of The Day)
in ATEOTD fantine ends up being the last one working, causing everyone to look at her with varying degrees of annoyance or frustration. She do be hardworking doe
OH SHIT KIDS IN THE FACTORY!! three little kids run up to the foreman when he’s giving daily stipends to the ladies!! (they’re also the last to be paid, giving significant sass to foreman who also sasses back)
Girl #5 mockingly calling fantine “innocent sister” when 5 is white and fantine is a WOC...that’s kind of interesting given that that can be read as SERIOUS racial profiling on 5’s part
foreman looks like bob’s boss in the incredibles but like. tall lmao
(I Dreamed A Dream)
her look of like,,shock-but-not when everyone from the factory exits and she takes off her bandana,,,that. that is good acting
her transitions from chest to head voice are so good
i’m kinda sad she isn’t younger?? or just. doesn’t look super young bc fantine is supposed to be like. early twenties. she’s not 45 and had a decently long life before she died, no, she’s young. she was taken advantage of. that’s the whole point. but that’s sUPER little like this lady is way too good
she has the perfect mix of sadness and regret plus anger and shameless hope. like. kudos to you allison blackwell you’re a dope fantine
the cry on “killed the dream i dreamed” brb sobbing
(The Dock Scenes)
MALE PROSTITUTES I REPEAT!! MALE PROSTITUTES!! (no idea what wig he’s wearing tho. he was done dirty in the wig department)
oh male prostitute is prostitute #1!
oh damn there is. lady def on some bad drugs with her kid passing behind fantine on the bench. ouch.
hoo okay they did n o t censor lovely ladies!! (mini note: camera person has the camera down an AWFUL LOT on these docks scenes lmao)
there are cops on the docks. gross.
(Who Am I-Confrontation)
OH SHIT THEY HAVE A FALSE JVJ IN THE BACKGROUND OF WHO AM I
jvj comforts not-jvj for a second!! (money note was FANTASTIC btw)
fantine being WOC and DYING in a modern hospital also is,,yeesh because. you know. racist doctors.
jvj cries after fantine dies JUST STAB ME NOW OKAY—
confrontation is really funny when u see that javert has a GUN and jvj has A CHAIR
JVJ DID THE LIL RUN ON “live within my care” YAAAAY
(COAC-Master Of The House)
oh boy baby cosette,,so small,,so pure plus classic baby head shake when she sings I STAN
MADAME T LOOKS—OH GOOD GOD
DID SHE SPIT ON MY BABY--
cosette: “please do not send me out alone—“ madame t: “oooooh my gOOOOOD” omg
what the fuck is thenardiers hair i—
WHAT THE FUCK IS THENARDIER IN G E N E R A L
random idea regarding thenardier’s prison tattoo: he has the same number on his chest that jvj has. Meaning he was in jail too. so why isn’t he as messed up as jvj? i wanna say maybe he was in for less time, but like. I doubt it. However, he has a whole ass gang. did the thenardier gang break their boss out of jail? please say yes
him listing things for baby éponine to charge i love it
OH MY GOD THENARDIER FLAUNTS HIS NUMBER WHILE JVJ DOESNT!! jvj hides his past because he believes it will get him into better places (it does, he becomes mayor for god’s sake) while thenardier shows off his past with stubborn pride. while thenardier cheats his way to success, jvj lives an almost honest life where he ultimately suffers due to the stress all the hiding he does gives him
i love that éponine looks like neither of her parents,,,madame t got around huh?
(The Bargain)
I JUST REALIZED THE STAGE HAS A CATWALK DOWN THE CENTER INTO THE AUDIENCE THAT IS THE COOLEST OMG
Instead of madame correcting thenardier on cosette’s name he asks cosette herself which prompts the CUTEST ANGRY YELL OF “it’s cosette!” I HAVE EVER SEEN
also thenardier fuckin MANHANDLING cosette i’m DYING
JVJ LOVES HER SM I AM SOFTTT
(The Beggars)
omg marius is so ADORABLE i love him
gavroche is a style icon
kid holding sign saying “my mom got laid off” POOR BB
i love éponine
that’s it that’s the note
wait a sec was that montparnasse with the prostitute earlier in beggars??
ALSO I SEE AZELMA AND OTHER THENARDIER KIDS PRESENT FOR “turn on the tears!!” THANK YOU FOR UTILIZING THAT LINE PROPERLY
why does enj have a bat?? If it;s not a bat then,,,what is it? someone please help me
marius saves cosette from bad guy gang!! 🥰🥰
bruh javert misses jvj running by like,,,MAYBE two seconds that is hilarious
jav looks so done when thenardier is trying to get out of this lmao i love it
javert looks so cop-like it scares me
(Stars)
the line “safe behind bars” in stars kind of kills me here because as the audience you SEE the cruelty that the convicts face. you see the guy on the ground getting beaten you SEE the chains around their throats and yet. yet javert still somehow thinks that putting jvj in jail is safe? i think the thing to focus on here is not whether it’s safe, because it obviously isn’t. the focus is who it’s safer for, jean valjean or javert?
has it always been “your father” rather than “her father” when marius asks éponine to find where cosette lives?? if they changed it that is SMART because yk. jvj would be ALARMED if he found out he’d been found by éponine but he wouldn’t hurt her. he’s not the guy she has to worry about, it’s her own father. thenardier gave her a job and she’s straying from it, he’s what would endanger her.
THE PLAYFUL BOOP AND SHOVE FROM MARIUS 🥺🥺🥺
(The ABC Café)
“note-ruh daym”
hee hee pretty enjolras
pretty enjolras in skinny jeans even better
OOH we have,,,angry enjolras in this version o k a y
grantaire raises his hand before agog/aghast part omg
“i’ve never heard him ooOOOOh and aAAAAh *excited squeal*
“dan joo-wan” i love texas
bossuet spotted :)
longing gay looks NOT spotted :(
i love enjolras okay but this one is just,,,a little too aggressive. enjolras isn’t just angry all the time, he’s not that one dimensional. of course, there is more of the show to see and i hope he changes a little bit, but so far red and black isn’t doing much for me. enjolras is hopeful, not just angry.
A CAPELLA SECTION IN RED AND BLACK?? I think YES
the amis finding out lamarque is dead has “fuck trump just won the election” energy
okay i was hoping that enj would change his aggression thing when they find out lamarque is dead (bc that’s when most enjolrai figure out what may happen and kinda sober up yk) but. it doesn’t look like he did. there is hope for barricade scenes
OMG LIL NOTE ON COMBEFERRE GIVING OUT FLYERS TO AUDIENCE MEMBERS: that is fucking pERFECT and yk why?? because it’s a call to action!! it’s less obvious in DYHTPS because they’re mostly singing to each other but later in epilogue when the words and melody is repeated, it’s meant as a call to action! “will you join in our crusade, who will be strong and stand with me?” is a cALL TO ACTION AND THEY ARE HANDING FLYERS TO AUDIENCE MEMBERS—that’s officially the only way to break the fourth wall THANK YOU
hey fantine doubles as a student i think!!
HARMONIES ARE C L E A N OOOOH
(In My Life-Heart Full Of Love)
okay yes i already love cosette because she plays awkward-teen-in-love-for-the-first-time PERFECTLY.
book-ish cosette hell yes a cutie
father-daughter forehead kisses 🥺
awkward mARIUS TIMEEEEE
placing marius, éponine, and cosette in a triangle is a MARVELOUS decision thank u for that symbolism
marius checking if he looks good and ép giving him a thumbs up omg
*aggressively tries to sit normally* same cosette
*awkward curtsy* also same cosette
(Attack On Rue Plumet)
robbery time let’s see how they do this
ooh marius and cosette run off but i can’t tell if they notice gang before running
thenardier fuckin SLICES éponine after her scream
NOOOO HER LIL WHIMPER AFTER BEING THREATENED AGAIN
(One Day More)
this lil part between robbery and one day more is interesting bc i legit have NO idea what jvj is thinking here. he keeps looking between his watch (i think it’s a watch idk) and cosette after she runs off to pack so like. what. is he doing here bc he looks like he’s choosing between two things but i don’t,,know,,what things
red berets on the amis are dope btw
i think marius is discussing what to do with éponine here, which is FUN because we all know why she goes to the barricade in the brick :’) éponine might be convincing marius to go to the barricade knowing this is her chance to die with him like in the book
omg
OMG
OMG
that stomp bit with the students was the coolest fucking thing i’ve ever seen
END OF ACT ONE
act two will be posted shortly :D
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The Goode Case, 3/14 - Juno
Chapter Summary: Jaida can’t sleep, thanks to her recurring nightmare, which prompts her to relive how Jackie revealed her own gift, and how she found out about Jaida’s, in an evening that Jaida, Jackie and Brita are unlikely to forget any time soon …
(A/N: I really appreciate your supportive comments, thank you! Hopefully I will have another update ready in the next couple of days on this monster of a story. For now though, here is part three.)
Sunday 29thOctober
4.13AM
Jaida sat up, drenched in sweat from the familiar nightmare.
She blinked, and she could still see her Papa in the corner, as she had that horrible night.
The nightmare was almost always just a replay of the experience. The first time she recalled seeing a spirit.
She and her parents had stayed in the room with her beloved Papa’s body in the coffin the night before his wake, when Jaida was just seven. She’d known her Papa was in the coffin, but suddenly his spectre was in the corner, pale and blank; she’d watched him walk from the corner of the room to Jaida, while Jaida lay paralysed with fear, unable to make a sound; and reach his hand towards her, bringing his face closer …
That was always the point that Jaida woke up, and today was no different. She waited for her eyes to focus in the dark, her breathing to calm, and she closed her eyes, counted to five, and when she opened them, Papa had disappeared as he always did.
But the memory didn’t fade. It never did.
Jaida had not had many close relatives die, but she remembered her friend Marty back in senior year of high school, seeing his mom behind him, reaching to shake his shoulder, but Jaida being the only person to see her. Marty had spun round at Jaida’s cry, not seeing his mom even though she was right there, clear as crystal, to Jaida’s eyes at least. He’d then avoided Jaida the rest of senior year when it had turned out his mother had had a fatal heart attack earlier that day.
And later at college. Laura stood on the bridge, looking down at the water, then at Jaida, then at the water again. A day before Jaida had found out that Laura had leapt from that same bridge three days ago.
Part of Jaida really hated the gift – or curse, as she thought privately – but without it, she and Jackie wouldn’t have become so close so quickly. Jackie’s telepathy, and subsequent mental bond that she’d formed with both Jaida and Brita, had been weird at first, but now Jackie was the only person who knew about Jaida’s ability.
Jackie referred to it as mediumship, while Jaida just called it a pain in the ass.
Jackie couldn’t see these spirits, just as Jaida couldn’t read minds, but at least Jackie knew that she wasn’t crazy, or lying. And as the oldest, the self-appointed ‘mom friend’ of the group, Jackie would often look after them at her own expense.
For instance, at this moment, Jaida knew that her nightmare, and seeing her Papa in her room, would have made Jackie wake up, sensing Jaida’s terror even from this distance, thanks to that psychic bond that Jaida had insisted on trying out with her. Jackie would now be online, waiting for Jaida to message her if she needed anything.
Sure enough, when Jaida picked up her phone, waiting for her eyes to focus, Jackie was the only person online, apart from that one girl from college who’d moved to London and was five hours ahead.
Springing from her memory, she remembered Jackie describing her telepathy to her and Brita, after they’d taken Jackie to Vanjie’s after her first week.
————————————
It was, oddly enough, Brita’s idea. Brita was not one to suggest a trip to the bar, normally being more inclined to rest at home in the evenings one of her hoards of books and a mug of hot chocolate; but the day Jackie joined back in June, that fateful Monday, Brita was dumped. By text, as well.
Brita had pulled Jaida into the bathroom at the end of the day, outwardly as always a tower of strength, professional and proud; to crumple into a heap over the sink, inconsolable, crying so desperately that it was all Jaida could do not to cry herself.
Luckily for Brita, her seemingly endless torrent of friends rang her phone off the hook the next few days, trying to persuade her to go out, telling her to forget him, sending her pictures of plenty of hot men and women to drool over. Brita had just chuckled, but Jaida knew she was feeling the love from all angles at this time.
That week she’d already been out with her friend Paul Mantione and his sister Jan on the Wednesday; and her two older sisters on the Thursday for food and plenty of red wine; but Friday she suggested to Jaida a trip to Vanjie’s after work, as Vanjie’s was for an LGBT+ crowd which suited them both. They’d invited Jackie mostly out of politeness, not sure how she would feel in a gay bar, but Jackie had accepted with such enthusiasm that it seemed to seal the deal.
Vanessa, the owner of Vanjie’s, and Brita had been joined at the hip through most of college, but Vanessa had bought the lease to the bar after winning big money on her spontaneous trip to Vegas that time, along with her on-again off-again partner Brooke. At that time, they were off-again, which meant Vanessa wanted everyone to enjoy themselves as much as possible, and that meant free shots.
So the tequila slammer was free, and that served to loosen the pockets for one more each. Tequila slammers were not Jackie’s strong suit, but Jaida could probably take three and be fine, and the three of them had ended up in a booth afterwards with some tall cocktails, heads feeling fuzzier and fuzzier.
After two slammers and a cocktail, Jackie’s tongue had loosened considerably. She had started finishing Jaida’s sentences, and then Brita’s too. It started to become a little annoying, Jaida had to admit.
But then Jackie was finishing sentences, and starting sentences that Jaida was only thinking.
“How are you doing that?” Jaida had asked Jackie, whose face was getting quite pink. She had leaned in towards Brita and Jaida, putting a finger to her lips.
“I can hear other peoples’ thoughts,” Jackie had whispered, laughing at her own remark.
Of all the things that Jaida might have expected Jackie to respond, that had been pretty low on the list. Jaida could only stare open-mouthed, and finally nod. “Okay, that’s cool.”
“Maybe you’ve had enough now, Jacks,” Brita had laughed uneasily.
“No, you don’t understand, it’s a gift, my mom says. Well, I didn’t ask for it, and it’s a bit strange, and sometimes I don’t know what it does, so it’s like, a perfect birthday gift from relatives,” Jackie had continued, still laughing.
“Child –“
“You’re joking, right?” Brita had asked in a low voice.
“No, Brita, it’s real,” Jackie had sighed. “Okay, think of something and I’ll tell you it.”
“Alright,” Brita had screwed up her face in concentration.
“Oh, come on, you have to think of something harder than that! You’re just thinking about your birthday. It’s September 16th. I thought you were going to test me!”
The smile fell from Brita’s face, and Jaida had felt her own stomach twist uncomfortably. Jackie had just snorted with laughter at both of them.
“Your faces! Oh my god! You didn’t believe me at first!” She’d placed a hand on Jaida’s forearm. “Do you believe me now?”
“What’s mine, then?” Jaida had asked, thinking of a random date.
But Jackie had cocked an eyebrow. “You’re thinking of July 10th, but you’re trying to throw me off. That’s not your actual birthday.”
“Wait, what?” Brita had looked stunned, her eyes wide, turning from Jackie to Jaida and back again.
Jaida had felt a strange lump in her throat. “That was the right date I was thinking, but it’s not actually my birthday. How – how did you know?”
Jackie had shrugged. “I hear almost everyone’s thoughts. Mostly just whispers. So if there’s a lot of people in a group, they all get confused, but if I’m just with one or two people, I can hear the whispers.”
“Can you hear, like anyone’s thoughts? Like, can you hear Lisa Rinna’s thoughts?” Brita had asked in awe.
But Jackie had shook her head. “No, I can only hear people who are nearby, like, not more than about two metres away. So I can hear your thoughts, just the whispers, but I can’t hear Vanessa’s at the bar. Only people who are nearby. Unless they’re someone I’ve connected with.”
“Connected with?” Jaida had asked.
“So if I form a mental connection with someone, I can also know when they’re feeling an extreme emotion, wherever they are in the world. When my mom was ill, I felt it every time she woke up in pain, or was in hospital, or thought she was dying, or was scared or like, really excited when she was getting better. She’s in Toronto.”
“Is she better now?”
“She’s much better, thank you.”
“Does that mean she can read your thoughts too?” Brita had whispered.
“I don’t think so. I don’t think anyone can. Unless you’re also psychic.” Jackie had hiccuped and then giggled. “Sorry, alcohol makes me chatty! But, I think everyone is a little bit psychic, maybe in different ways.”
And Jackie had turned to Jaida, looking straight in her eyes.
Could Jackie hear her own thoughts …
Jaida forced herself not to think about anything, to make her mind as blank as possible.
“SHOTS! Who ordered shots? Oh wait, it was me!” It was Vanessa who’d broken the spell, appearing at the corner of the booth, three more tequila shots and a plate of lemon and salt beside it. “Get some shots down your throats ladies, and maybe later get something else down your throats too!” Vanessa had cackled at her own joke.
Jaida had felt her shoulders relax a little. Jackie wasn’t a big drinker, and was a bit more drunk than she and Brita were, so Brita had taken two slammers leaving Jackie to just relax, and take a sip of the water on the table.
“Who do you have a connection with then?” Jaida had asked, wanting to change the subject.
“Whoever I choose,” Jackie had replied mysteriously, wriggling her fingers in both their directions before collapsing into giggles.
——————————————————
Jaida looked at her phone. Jackie was still online, and Jaida knew she wouldn’t log off without a prompt.
Jaida:I’m ok Jackie, thanks
Jackie: He can’t hurt you
Jaida:I know
Jackie always told Jaida this, every time Jaida had seen … someone. She wasn’t sure how Jackie had so much knowledge of all this psychic stuff, and she wasn’t even sure why Jackie was so open about it with people she had hardly met. Part of Jaida was convinced that Jackie found out about it from that night in Vanjie’s, although it wasn’t confirmed until … until that night at Jackie’s apartment.
She had a gnawing sense of regret at asking Jackie to do what she’d crudely titled “the connection thing” with her. Brita had been a bit more cautious as usual, but Jaida had wanted to know what it meant. And if it would make her know Jackie’s thoughts too.
——————————————————
In mid-July, Jackie invited them both to her apartment, as a bit of an attempt to get to know the two of them a little better. She had moved in with some girl who had so many jobs that she was never in, but left a whirlwind of clothes and bowls of cornflakes in her wake.
Jaida marvelled at the atmosphere that Jackie had managed to create. They rented, so they weren’t allowed to do major renovation, but a patterned shawl here and a plant or two there had given the plain magnolia walls some life. The living room led out to a tiny Juliet balcony with just enough room for the ashtray and a packet of menthols next to it, and a pair of dirty walking boots on the floor.
There were two bookshelves along the wall of the living area, a large oblong room with a dining table pushed against one wall. Jaida ran a finger along the titles, several French books among them too, and a small collection of Farsi books in the top left shelf.
“You got almost as many books as Brita!”
“I’ve got far more books than this!” Brita waved her hand dismissively.
“Some of these are my housemate’s as well.”
“Wait, you speak French?” Jaida pointed to one of the French titles.
“Sure. I’m Canadian, we had to take French at school.”
“And are these Farsi?”
Jackie nodded. “I’m bilingual in Farsi and English. I wish I got the chance to speak it more, normally I just chat to my mom or her siblings, when they call up. It’s easy to lose bits of it when you don’t speak it or use it too much.”
“And is this … oh, girl,” Jaida pulled the chess set out from one of the middle shelves, her eyes lighting up. “I haven’t played since seventh grade.”
“What? That’s when I started playing!” Brita exclaimed.
Jackie laughed. “You’ll both have to teach me again, I’m so bad at chess. But go ahead and play if you want, while I get the food ready.”
A beautiful smell was coming from the kitchen area. When Jackie had said she’d cook for them, Jaida had maybe expected frozen pizza, but Jackie had really put in an effort to impress them, running back and forth, chopping and blitzing noises filling the room. Jaida and Brita unpacked the chess pieces and started to play, but Brita kept calling to Jackie to see if she needed any help.
“Nope! It’s all under control!” Came Jackie’s chirpy reply each time.
In chess, Jaida had learned long ago to watch her opponent’s eyes to see where they was thinking of moving to and from, and sure enough Brita’s brown eyes flicking between the pieces gave away her every thought. Jaida liked to pride herself on having a much better poker face, letting her vision drift across the board, and trusting her instinct, even if her pieces started disappearing.
When Jackie finally came to sit in front of them, it was Brita’s move, and she was scratching her neck and licking her lips. Brita was one of those who took five minutes or more with each move, planning her strategy each time, always meticulous to take every single angle into account.
Jackie moved her gaze between them both, a small smile playing on her lips, not attempting to break the silence, just enjoying having their company in her home.
“You’re both really interesting to listen to, while you’re playing,” Jackie said finally, as Brita moved her bishop into place.
“What?”
“I mean, your thoughts, your plans for the game. You’re both strategising. You’re both just thinking about your plans.”
“Oh, okay.” Jaida ignored Jackie and moved her rook past Brita’s bishop. “Check.”
“Wait, how?” Brita peered at the board. “Ah, shit,” she mumbled as she realised. “Shit, sis, I completely missed that.”
“Sorry,” Jackie whispered, getting up and moving back to the kitchen.
Brita reached to her. “No, wait, I didn’t mean it like that!” She got up and followed Jackie to the kitchen. Jaida glanced at the board, then sighed and got up.
A minute later, Brita measuring out rice, while Jackie handed Jaida some vegetables from the bottom drawer of the fridge. Brita had felt like she’d insulted Jackie, and had insisted they help with some food prep. Jaida had been volunteered for salad.
“What is it?” Jaida peered into the simmering pan. “Smells great.”
“Khoresh Bademjan. It’s Persian. You’ll like it, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t. And don’t worry, Jaida, I made it vegetarian.”
“Cool, thanks,” Jaida smiled.
The food was gorgeous, although Jackie kept glancing at them, as if looking for some kind of validation – but once they were all done, Brita immediately leapt from her chair and dragged Jaida to the sink to tackle the washing up. With Jaida drying and Brita washing, Jackie insisting on putting the dishes away, they settled into a comfortable silence between the three of them.
“Thanks for everything, Jackie.” Jaida passed her the last dish and cleared her throat. “Sorry I made you feel a bit – you know, weird. That was rude of me. I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright,” Jackie shook her head sadly. “I’m used to keeping it to myself, but it kind of feels nice to talk about it though.”
Jaida had to admit she’d only half-considered how Jackie was feeling about talking about it.
“Do lots of people know?” Brita asked her.
But Jackie shook her head. “My mom does, and one or two of my closest friends back home. And you guys, but we’re friends too, right?”
“Sure, we have each other’s backs!” Brita pulled Jackie into a one-armed hug, squeezing Jackie into her side.
“If you’re psychic, why can’t you just wash these dishes with your mind?”
They’d rarely heard Jackie laugh louder than at Jaida’s remark. “Jai, that’s telekinesis! I’m only telepathic! Well, I say only telepathic!” And she carried on laughing. “I only hear thoughts, nothing else, I can’t move things!”
“So you can hear our thoughts, but you have to, like, connect with someone to be able to have a mental bond?” Jaida asked. “I don’t quite get it.”
“I guess … people I have a bond with, I hear more clearly. People I don’t I just hear whispers, but anyone I have a bond with, I can hear what they’re thinking really clearly, and from a longer distance.”
“Who have you got a bond with then?”
“Oh, you know, not many people,” Jackie murmured.
“Family? Friends?” Brita badgered.
Jackie sighed. “Those kinds of people, yes. My mom, a couple of my friends. One ex.” Jackie shuddered. “Bad decision. Wouldn’t recommend it.”
“What about us? Would you do the connection thing with us? For work?”
Jaida hadn’t expected the words to come right out of her mouth, but now that they were, Jackie looked as if she was pondering it. Maybe Jaida had felt that she needed to make it up to Jackie for earlier. Maybe … it was a sort of morbid curiosity.
Jackie’s gaze had softened, and she’d shrugged.
“It’s not a bad idea,” Jackie mused, “if we’re working on any high profile cases together, and if anything happens to you, I would know.”
“And vice versa?” Jaida asked.
“I’m not sure,” Jackie muttered, “but nothing has really ever happened to me.”
“You can’t tempt fate, sis,” Brita chuckled darkly.
“Okay,” Jaida said, “it makes sense to do it. What do you do, to connect?”
“I’m not so sure about this,” Brita hesitated.
“Come on Brita, it does make sense. Especially in our line of work. Does it take long, Jackie?” Jaida asked.
“It probably won’t take longer than about fifteen seconds, and I just need some form of touch, and eye contact. And you need to be willing, of course.”
Jaida held out a hand on the bench, and Jackie gingerly took it, raising her eyes to meet Jaida’s.
“You sure you want to do this? You don’t want to back out?” Jackie’s voice was higher than usual, and a little bit timid, as if she were afraid to have any form of connection with them.
“Go ahead, Jackie,” Jaida tried to make her voice sound as stable as she could.
“Okay. And you have to keep eye contact, until the end. You’ll know when it’s the end.”
Jackie took a deep breath in and out, and Jaida did the same, feeling her body relax a little bit as she did so. At first Jaida felt nothing, but held Jackie’s eyes, both of them falling silent. She could see Brita shifting out of the corner of her eye, but she kept focused on Jackie, breathing steadily, normally.
The seconds passed, but nothing was happening. She could see Brita biting her lip, a little confused.
“Nothing’s happening,” Jaida opened her mouth to say, or at least she thought she did, but nothing came out of it, and she wasn’t even sure her mouth moved.
“What?” She tried to say, but her mouth definitely didn’t move that time.
Jackie was still staring into her, and it was becoming intrusive, unnerving, but Jaida found she couldn’t look away, she was becoming a little light-headed at the focus.
She felt an internal jerk, as if electricity had gone through her; felt her mind race, a whole rush of emotions and memories play back to her in her mind, some echoes of thoughts that weren’t her own; saw herself briefly through Jackie’s own eyes, felt her own hand in Jackie’s, heard herself thinking thoughts that were definitely not her …
Jackie pulled back, blinking and shaking her head wildly, and Jaida was finally freed, feeling as if she had been yanked backwards out of a vacuum. She rubbed her forehead, finding she was sweating.
“Woah,” Jaida whispered.
It was rare to see Brita scared. Her wide eyes flicked between Jaida and Jackie, her mouth agape, looking less and less sure she wanted to do this.
Jackie held out a hand to her. “Brita?”
Brita was no coward, Jaida knew this well from the various jobs she had seen Brita complete. She might have been frightened, but she nodded slowly, holding her own hand out, facing Jackie and locking eyes with her.
Jaida watched them both. Watched as Jackie’s face grew intense with concentration. Watched as Brita’s brow furrowed, as if she were in pain.
“Ow,” she breathed.
But Jackie didn’t relent.
“Oww,” Brita’s voice was weak, but she maintained focus.
They both flinched at the same moment, pain etched in the lines on their foreheads, but Jaida didn’t know what to do in this strange psychic battle. It seemed to be going on longer than she had done with Jackie, their stares so intense they could have burned through each other.
“Jackie, what’s happening?” She asked, but Jackie didn’t respond, nor Brita, both still intensely concentrated on each other.
“What’s –“ Jaida raised a hand, but they both jolted at that moment, breaking apart, Brita ripping her hand away, and Jackie looking down at the floor, biting her lip.
“Sorry,” she muttered, “it’s not meant to hurt so much. It never has with anyone else …”
But Brita, her eyes glassy, blinked twice and stumbled out of the room as if she hadn’t heard, making her way away to the bathroom.
“Brita?” Jaida started to move after her, but Jackie grabbed her forearm.
“Let her go, Jaida, I think she needs to be alone,” Jackie murmured, and Jaida stepped backwards, watching Brita’s dazed walk to the bathroom.
Jaida’s own mind was reeling at the contact. Her mind raced with questions.
Were she and Jackie now bonded to each other mentally?
Did that mean that Jackie knew about Jaida’s own sixth sense, the Bruce Willis cliché twist; that Jaida saw spirits that most others didn’t?
“Yes,” Jackie muttered. “And yes.”
Jaida saw Jackie watching her, her eyes full of something that Jaida thought was … pity.
————————————————————————
Jaida sighed at the memory. It had brought the three of them closer, that was for sure, but Jackie had refused to tell Brita what Jaida saw. Just as she had refused to tell Jaida what had happened with Brita too – she’d argued that they both needed to take charge themselves.
The clock said almost four thirty by now, and Jackie was still online, so Jaida turned her phone off. Jackie would go offline and back to sleep, as long as she knew Jaida was alright. The mom-friend, who wanted to save everyone in the world.
Jaida wondered if Jackie had craved that support, that care, when she was learning about her own telepathy; to make her offer herself so selflessly now.
She lay back down, pondering that warm July night.
And Brita … she and Brita knew so much about each other. Jaida had been the first person to whom Brita had confessed to being attracted to women as well as men, and Jaida had helped Brita plan her coming out to her sisters and parents. And when Silky had broken up with Jaida back in May, Brita had been at her house within half an hour, mopping up the tears that Jaida rarely let the world see, getting them both dressed and made up, and pulling both Jaida and Widow to a karaoke bar to belt out some tunes, Heidi hot on their heels.
Jaida smiled fondly at that memory. Jaida was a terrible singer, she knew that, and Widow was a bit too shy to sing, but Brita’s voice was fantastic. When Brita had hit the high note in Unbreak My Heart, Jaida had felt goose pimples run down her arms, before she was crying again and Widow had wrapped her up, not saying a word, simply letting Jaida unravel in her arms, while Heidi had stroked her back soothingly.
It was wrong that Brita still didn’t know what her gift was. Jackie was right – Jaida knew that she and Brita were keeping huge parts of themselves hidden from each other, even though they’d been friends for three years.
Enough was enough.
Jaida resolved to talk to Brita in the morning.
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Episode 14 - WangXian are a (v soft) Battle Couple & Foxglove is hella mad
Hi! Welcome to episode 14. I should be studying. It’s day two of morning runs, so my soul has left my body already, send help. Yesterday I went to buy plants with my mum and got so excited I just whacked on a bunch of eyeshadow because I haven’t seen the outside in weeks, I’m also wearing makeup today, because I have nowhere to go, but I really need to finish this bb cream before it goes bad, so my parents are getting my full fresh faced “woke up like this and put on mascara” routine (which is a fucking lie because I’m wearing at least three blushes and two highlighters). I’m determined to get this bitch down in under five minutes so I can have another five to do eyeshadow, I have way too much eyeshadow to not wear it (I have way too much everything except maybe mascara and eyebrow stuff).
Yes, if y’all were wondering I am in fact a makeup magpie. ANYWAY BACK TO THE ACTUAL THING WE ALL CAME HERE FOR.
(Btw further down I discuss once again how shitty I think the Yunmeng sibs’ parents are if that causes an issue for you)
Ok ok ok, so I was talking with damnpoe-2187 here about how we found that sometimes WWX crossed from gremlin into asshole when he tried to get LWJ riled up. Like in the Cold Springs, putting our shippers hearts aside, that was a dick move and he should have stopped undressing the second LWJ went from annoyed to incredibly uncomfortable. I find this scene the complete opposite, a show of character development if you will. It is kind of similar in that they’re both hurt, and alone (although this time is much more serious) and there was some undressing going on; however WWX here behaves like a fool in love considerate person and knowing how uncomfortable LWJ already is tries to make it easier for him. They’re also super soft and I’m weak.
A brief interlude from my one track mind: That pond is full of corpses isn’t it? Or at least the remnants of the Murder Turtle’s meals I suppose. Damn right WWX should not have gone into the water with an open wound, but think no one should go swimming in there without a full hazmat suit tbh (I want to pump them full of antibiotics at this point ngl)
So I love this tiny montage (is it even a montage) of the, getting themselves ready to kill the Murder Turtle.
Teamwooooooork.
Listen, I have read a few fics in which their mind-meld stays in place due to reasons and I need me more of those.
Ok, turtles don’t work that way, but then again, giant murder snake-Trex-turtle so that’s low on my list of priorities. What’s not low is the fact that this guy is knee deep into pretty much a mass grave and I want to take a few showers just watching him.
Yeah, I know exactly what he’s smelling and suddenly I hope I don’t have meat for lunch today tbh.
The screaming sword has always been fucking creepy and does LWJ’s fist clench mean that he’s also hearing them?
BATTLE COUPLE! BATTLE COUPLE! BATTLE COUPLE!
So I know killing the thing took them something like six hours. And while it feels quite a long time in the show, I think that, if they cut the scene with idk, JC running towards Lotus Pier, then back to them, then back to JC, but now the sun is in a different position, back to them, but now the blood from LWJ’s hand has dripped down his arm; and so on a so forth it’d convey more clearly how long it took for the Murder Turtle to die. I know fuck all about cinematography tho so feel free to ignore all this if it is in fact an abomination.
Tiiiiiiny interlude here to say that Yiling Patriarch!WWX is probably one of my favourite character archetypes. He’s slightly creepy, slightly amoral (smiling while torturing and murdering bad guys is still amoral ok), more than a bit on the Dark Side, cocky, smirky, a bit of an asshole a BAMF, a rebel with cause and yet he will still do the right thing, not despite his nature, but because of it. He’s kind of like a Chipped Spike? But you know, he doesn’t need electroshock to behave.
I just want a fic where he’s this Dark Lord of Evil in everyone’s eyes however the ‘good guys’ take a break from trying to off him because a bigger threat just popped up and they have no choice but to ask for his help. He agrees, keeps being his charming self while also saving everyone’s asses, LWJ is smitten.
TL;DR: The Necromancer is hot. Oh and nobody dare deny LWJ has a Yiling Patriarch kink.
Oh my, this is the part when I always get teary eyed.
WUJI ON A CELLO? DO YOU WANT TO KILL ME?
“Why hasn’t Jiang Cheng shown up and rescued me yet?” THIS IS ALL THE PROOF I NEED THAT WWX IS THE BABY SIBLING.
“Lan Zhan sing me a song”
IT IS HAPPENING, STAY FUCKING CALM EVERYBODY (I’m crying)
That slideshow of their best moments set to WuJi is a masterpiece, and also, it kind of drives home the point of “how tf did we go from flirting during summer camp to this mess”?
(Btw if that’s YiBo humming he’s got one hell of a deep voice)
Ok ok ok, so this moment had me spitting up my tea the first time I watched it. Believe it or not my dumbass thought these people were actually serious with the censorship and we’d get scraps of their actual relationship. Lots of charged moments like in some other western tv shows I’ve seen when two dudes have chemistry but “they’re not gay”, no longing glances, no tender touches, no being unbelievably soft with each other; just you know, amped up, because if I’m not mistaken you can be arrested in China for “promoting the gay”. I mean, they changed the beginning when people insult MXY’s sexuality to insulting his mental health; no one would think “ah yes, the gays are good” when they hear it used as a slur, but they still erased it completely. One of the things I thought they’d fully take away was WangXian, I mean, the into/outro is named Wuji, which, you know, still a mishmash of their names, but not their ship name. It is such a significant part of the story with all the “what’s the song name? Figure it out yourself” that if something were going to give away that they’re married with a kid it would be that. I thought we’d get an artful fade to black BEFORE LWJ would say the name not after. And also, YiBo is enunciating it so clearly that, even with the sound muffled and the blurriness I, who don’t speak Chinese, can make out the two syllables. That’s deliberate, I can say “WangXian” loud and clear without moving my lips too much. At this point in time I must assume someone in charge of looking for censorship violations in the show is a fan and just ignored it.
Censorship person 1: dude, isn’t that a bit too gay, maybe you shouldn’t greenlight it.
Censorship person 2: shut the fuck up, sit here and watch.
*a full rundown of the whole of CQL later*
Censorship person 1: oh my god they’re so in love and they deserve to be happy.
Back to the commentary: I’m sorry but I have a mighty need of a WWX & Peacock friendship ok? This might be me just wanting WWX and LWJ to make other friends besides each other but I think that the Peacock is just bitchy enough to not take any of WWX’s bullshit.
And the Yunmeng bros timing for banter strikes yet again.
That’s terrible quality fake blood btw.
@ Yunmeng disciples: STOP SHOOTING FUCKING KITES PLEASE AND THANK YOU
Oooof even with a change of clothes our boy is still looking rough as hell.
MY LOVELY YUNMENG SIBS BEING SOFT AND HAPPY WITH EACH OTHER.
It hurts my soul that the second JFM starts praising WWX for surviving the Murder Turtle our boy’s knee-jerk reaction is to start praising JC in return. It is instinctive, how many times must this have happened for him to know his brother won’t even get scraps of praise? (Seriously fuck their parents)
It was going so well, I mean, JFM had a point warning him to not say things in anger. But I thought he was going to tell him that it is because sometimes he’ll hurt someone without wanting to, yet, this asshole decided to, once again, remind his kid he thinks he’s a failure.
And here comes Mme Yu who I can only assume had a servant posted at the door to warn her when WWX woke so she could throw some verbal abuse at him. I mean, she must have been missing it.
And JFM’s misogynistic bullshit strikes once again, because why defend ALL your kids when you can insult your wife.
(Every time someone berates WWX for “intervening” I want to scream. I mean, seeing this I can believe why the society as a whole thought genocide was a good idea.)
I love how they use their kids as props in their fight, I mean it’s not like they have feelings or anything. This woman is gaslight-y as hell too “you don’t love your kid because I gave birth to him”, you can’t tell me saying that in front of the son she’s supposed to love isn’t going to hurt him. And she knows it, I mean, besides the Wen attack I’ve never seen her hit the kids (although I very much doubt she hasn’t), so a good part of the abuse must be verbal. There’s no fucking way a person who regularly uses words that way won’t realise where she’s aiming those arrows. Which means to her (to both) the kids are collateral.
But FR, the barely-out-of-adolescence disaster bi necromancer PTSDing all over the place and living in a mass grave was a better parent than any of the current adults in this thing.
Which brings me to another point, Shijie is textbook “the oldest sibling is just another parent” and I’m making myself very angry.
[this is when I start frothing at the mouth and itching to write a modern-girl(and friends)-dropped-in-CQL because someone has to be a positive adult influence in these kids’ lives and it sure as shit ain’t the ones in the actual show.]
CAN WE STOP BRINGING PEOPLE’S DEAD PARENTS INTO THE FIGHT?
*deep breath*
I am going to feed JFM & Mme Yu each other’s spleens. Look, listen, look and listen, let’s first talk about how calmly they lay out the facts of their lives, one is only loved because he’s been brought up in the shadow of his dead parents, the other knows with certainty his father dislikes him and his mother uses him as leverage in marital disputes. When have these two not exploded their emotions all over the place? Fucking never. Yet here they are, talking about this bullshit like some bout of inconvenient weather. They’re used to it!
And now let’s talk about yet again siblings-are-just-extra-parents, with an added pile of WWX’s terrible self awareness that, to the man who brought him up, his worth is due to his dead parents. Again I’m extrapolating, but with the amount of times Mme Yu brings up his parents in such a negative light I refuse to believe JFM hasn’t made all the “you’re so much like your parents” comments to him every time WWX does something right. I mean, telling an orphan about their parents if they ask is a good thing, but WWX seems starved for stories about his them, which leads me to believe JFM refuses to talk about the topic except to make those little comments. What a fucking stellar way to give someone all the trauma if you ask me. May also explain a lot of WWX’s self worth issues if the biggest praise he’s ever heard is that he resembles dead people, yes, people who were loved, but they’re dead, and it doesn’t look like any adult has bothered to go and differentiate WWX from ZSSR&WCZ.
I’m just really mad, despite all the silly anecdotes I put in here my parents are fucking great at parenting, so I know what good parents should look like, and this ain’t it.
Ok, so I made myself angry and I don’t know if I should move onto the next episode now or wait till tomorrow but thanks for reading!
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