#Altera the Santa

[madillhethen]

The reason why FGO refuses to give us Santam is because all the Santas (if I remember correctly) don’t know how to be Santa or the meaning behind it, so they’re like a cheap knockoff at the beginning so they learn through the journey of why Christmas and Santa is important, and why giving gifts is beautiful. But Emiya already knows all about it. He’s the guiding figure as an npc so Lasagna/DW won’t make him Santam because the narrative wouldn’t be funny or interesting.

So I propose make Muramasa this year’s Santa and have Emiya actually guide him and be the shopkeeper at least because having Emiya guide the body of his younger self takes care of all the references to his relationship with Shirou but also makes it hilarious since we all know what Emiya actually wanted to do with Shirou.

Dammit, Lasagna.

#fate grand order #fgo #emiya #archer emiya #heroic spirit emiya #santam when #give him an actual Santam costume too #Muramasa #i don’t know if Muramasa will be a good Santa but I think he won’t so there’s a lesson that can be learned #Santa Karna was a step in the right direction #ok I actually don’t remember the Christmas events besides Nightingale’s #but Jeanne Salter and Altera were kind of crap at their job too iirc like Nightingale #Muramasa can hand out swords and booze to all the kids and Emiya can yell at him of how inappropriate

[dailyfatefigures]

Ichiban Kuji Fate/Grand Order ~Santa Claus Running Through The Night Sky, Fluffy!~ - Attila - 1/8 Scale by Bandai Spirits

#ichiban kuji #ichiban kuji fate grand order santa claus running through the night sky fluffy #attila #altera #attila the san(ta) #bandai spirits #fate #fate series #fate go #fate grand order #fgo

[whalehouse1]

Holidays/Seasons according to the FGO player base:

January: New Years

February: Valentine’s Day

March: White Day (also known as Why Are The CEs Getting Worse Day)

May: Collab Season

June: Usually a story chapter

Late July/Early August: SUMMER!!!

Mid-August: Anniversary

Early September: Nerofest

Late September/Early October (this one does slide around a bit more than the others): NOBBU Hunting season

October: Liz-o-ween

December: “Christmas”

#fate grand order #fgo #I’m doing that with Christmas cause really no Christmas event last year and you end us with Santa Martha? #come on do better #especially after you gave us Jailter Altera Quetz Nightingale and Karna for god’s sake

[hasquetzorkukudoneanythingwrong]

Pesadilla Navidad (part 5)

(Part 1) (part 2) (part 3) (part 4)

Rex, Nota, and Quetz found themselves in the singularity that had popped up. "This is kinda nightmarish!" Nota stated upon their arrival.

Suddenly Da Vinci got into contact with the three. "Hey you three! I see the rayshift went well! But it seems we have to rayshift one more thing to the cousins!"

Rex and Nota were a bit confused at that. "What are you going to rayshift to us?" Rex asked.

Suddenly out of nowhere in a flash of light, a whole Sleigh with what looked to be Raptors attached came in in front of them! "It's your Santa Sleigh!" Coyolxauhqui said out of nowhere on the communicator.

"You got a Santa Sleigh pulled by Tzitzimitl???" Quetz asked in shock.

"Now's not the time!" Nota exclaimed back. "We've got Santas to Save" as she entered the Sleigh.

The trio were no airborne with a decent view of the landscape around them. "Da Vinci! Can you tell where the other Santas are?!" Quetz asked on the communicator.

"I can see Artoria Alter's saint graph over by what looks to be a river?" Da Vinci answered.

"Any river in a place like this can't be good!" Nota said as she directed the Sleigh towards the location.

By the aforementioned river, Artoria Alter, who seems to be missing Excalibur Morgan, is seen avoiding the attacks of a mysterious faceless being with what seems to be a very large Staff. The staff wielding would sometimes stab their weapon into a small portal, and a corresponding giant blade would come out of a larger portal near Artoria Alter.

The crew land on the other side of the river. "Alter! We're here!" Nota shouts towards the currently in peril Rider.

"Finally!" The annoyed Rider yelled out. "I've been avoiding this daft cunt's stupid attacks for too bloody long!"

The being turns towards the group and starts to attack them too. Launching powerful Magical attacks in an attempt to kill the group.

"Okay, time to test our new Santa powers!" Nota yelled out.

"Wait what?!" Alter questioned.

"Don't worry about it!" Rex said. Suddenly in his hands, he managed to summon a Jade green staff in the shape of a tuning fork. "Oh shit!"

"Isn't that Chalchiuhtlicue's?!" Quetz questioned.

"Maybe!" Rex says, he waves the staff towards the enemy, and a torrent of water rises from below them.

"Okay my turn!" Nota yells out. Leaping into the air, she pulls out a huge Macuahuitl, imbued with lightning. "Oh holy shit!" Immediately she slams it against the enemy and combined with the water already there, zaps them to hell!

"That was Tlaloc's weapon!" Quetz pointed out.

Nota's zap seemed to do the job thankfully. The enemy is destroyed, only to reveal Alter's weapon: Excalibur Morgan.

"Finally!" She takes her sword back. "Been annoying not being able to use this. Not that I'm dependent on it, but she was so overwhelming it was hard to do much more then avoid her attacks."

Da Vinci contacted the group again. "Oh good! You got Alter! We've got Santa Lily's location! If you could hurry it over, and save her too!"

"Not a moment's rest, huh?" Nota comments.

"To the sleigh!" Rex exclaims. The group, now one member bigger, run to the cousins' sleigh.

"Are those bloody dinosaurs attached to the sleigh?!" Alter asks when she sees the Tzitzimitl.

"Don't worry too much about it." Nota tell the original Santa servant.

The Sleigh rises into the air, flying towards the next location. "Santa Lily seems to be stuck in a deep crevice past the large mountains east of your location!" Da Vinci tells the group.

"She's likely also under unarmed and under attack." Alter tell the group.

"Do you know who's the cause of this singularity?" Quetz asked Alter.

"Oh I've seen them! And they seem to be a big fan of yours!" She tells Quetz.

"Wait wha-" Quetz was starting to say before being interrupted.

"There she is!" Nota yells out, seeing Santa Lily in the crevice.

The group lands in the crevice, seeing Santa Lily trying to avoid attacks from another faceless being. This one in a large cloak, creating seemingly eldritch minions to attack the smaller Santa.

"Ok this is pretty familiar" Nota commented on the appearance of the enemies.

The small enemies immediately also converge on the group as they entered. Alter and Quetz start to fight off the enemies. "Amor! Nota! We'll hold them off! You fight their boss!" Quetz yelled to the cousins.

"We'll do our best, corazon!" Rex yells back.

The two run towards the faceless enemy. All of a sudden, Nota's hands grow huge obsidian blade claws. Meanwhile, Rex's mouth started to leak a dark black void like energy. Both were confused, but tried to adapt to these interesting abilities.

Rex blasts the enemy with the void energy, like a dragon blasting flames. Nota meanwhile, slashes at them with her newfound claws. She manages to pierce right through their chest, killing them. The enemy falls apart, to reveal Santa Lily's spear.

Meanwhile, with the others the enemies they were fighting off also fall apart. "Yay! Reindeer saved us!" Santa Lily cheered.

"Not reindeer anymore." Alter told her. "Their true Santas now."

She gasps at this revelation. "Wow! Masters are Santas too!"

Da Vinci comes on the communicator once again. "Sorry to interrupt, but there's still two more Santas to save!" She explains, urgently. "Altera is in the forest towards the south end of the singularity!" She tells them.

The group runs back to the Sleigh, Lily also surprised by the dinosaurs attached to it. "Are those the new reindeer?! I think I proffered when you two were the reindeer." She tells the cousins.

"Sorry about that! But these guys work really well!" Rex tells her.

They get onto the sleigh and head towards Altera's location. Quetz then took the time to bring back the subject about who's responsible for the singularity. "So you were saying, Alter? Something about whoever is doing this being a fan of mine?!" She asks.

"For some reason, they claim that you alone are the true Santa servant!" Alter explains.

"Yeah!" Lily adds in. "Even when any of us tried to explain it changes every year, she still claimed it's only ever been you!"

"Why would they say that?" Quetz questions. "That doesn't make any sense!"

"I see Altera!" Nota exclaims, pointing down from where they were.

Down in a forest, they see Altera being assaulted by a warrior looking being, wielding what is definitely Altera's own sword against her.

Altera is mostly managing to avoid it's attacks, before getting unlucky and tripping. "Ow!" Falling defenseless.

As the warrior being raises the sword to attack, before it gets blocked by Excalibur Morgan. "You're not getting to her, ya daft bastard!" Alter yells out.

Alter is able to hold back the warrior with her sword. "Lily! Now!" Alter yells out.

Suddenly Lily leaps out from behind the warrior, stabbing the warrior with her spear! "Take that!"

The warrior tries to attack Lily, but she turns and runs and calls out "Miss Sun! Your turn!"

Suddenly a huge fireball hits the warrior from behind once again. "Over here, Pendejo!" Quetz yells out.

Then underneath the warrior, the ground shakes and suddenly a huge stone pillar bursts out and launches the warrior into the air. "Ha!" Nota yells out. "Your turn primo!"

Then Rex leaps into the air, with a Caiman tail, slapping the warrior down into the ground with it.

With the warrior on the ground, Altera runs and takes back her weapon. Before stabbing it into the warrior's heart.

"Finally! I didn't think I could keep up anymore." Altera says. "Thank you all for coming to my aid!"

"No problem, Altera!" Rex tells her.

Altera then notices the cousins' outfits. "Oh? Are you two Santa this year?" She asks.

The two were a bit taken aback by how casual she is about it. "Oh! Uh yeah!" Nota said. "We are this Year's Santa."

"Oh that's fun! I wish you the best in completing the job this year!" She tells the pair.

"Thank you, Altera!" Rex says. "That means a lot."

The communicator comes on once again. "We're at the home stretch everyone! I've got Nightingale's location! She's in a desert at the most northern part of the singularity!" Da Vinci explains to the group.

"To the sleigh!" Nota yells out.

The group runs back towards the sleigh. Getting inside and flying towards the sky to get to Nightingale. "Oh what fun Reindeer you two have!" Altera exclaims. "I was wondering who would be your reindeer, since you're normally the reindeer."

As they flew towards the final rescue, Quetz has more questions for the Santas. "Altera! What have you seen of the one responsible for this?! What Alter and Lily have told me so far is confusing!" She questions.

"Oh yes! For some reason she'll only recognize you as Santa!" She mentions.

"But why?! I don't understand!" Quetz responds.

"Hmmm" Altera starts to ponder, staring at Quetz's eyes.

"Uh… Altera?" She questions.

Altera then looked at Rex, lifting his hat off his head for a little bit. "Altera? What are you doing?" He questions.

"She had hair kind of like master Rex's and eyes like yours." Altera tells Quetz.

"Oh really?" Rex asks.

"I see the desert!" Nota calls out.

The group looks down, and witnesses Nightingale in the desert, down on all fours, Clearly weak. "Nightingale!!!" The group yells out.

They land in the desert, and see a haunting figure riding atop a steed of their own. Towering over Nightingale, but not outright attacking her. She's seen coughing, and wheezing. Probably the weakest the group has ever seen a servant.

"She's filled with curses!" Quetz notices.

"But she's still alive! All those curses, I would've figured she'd expire by now." Altera states.

"It might be keeping her alive to curse, but we'll handle it!" Nota says.

As they run towards the haunting rider, the phantom rides towards them aswell, holding a deadly looking spear. Suddenly, most of the team starts coughing and wheezing too. Quetz is mostly resisting, and the cousins seem decent aswell.

"What's going on?!" Nota asks.

"The rider's very presence must be afflicting us with curses!" Quetz says. "I've got good resistance, and you two must have it too!"

"So how do we stop it?!" Rex questions.

"I've noticed you two have the abilities of some other gods, maybe you have healing powers too?!" Quetz asks.

The two have a realization.

"Tlazolteotl!" Rex says.

"Mayahuel!" Nota remarks.

The two are able to heal the group with healing mists coming from their hands. It not only reinvigorates the group, but now has the Rider feeling weak. "It has the opposite effect on them!" Nota exclaims.

"Good!" Alter yells. "Now I can kill it!"

She then prepares her weapon. "EXCALIBUR, MORGAN!!!!!"

The wave of energy destroys the rider, and reveals Nightingale's umbrella gun. She picks it back up, as she starts to feel much better. "Thank you, you all. You have my gratitude." She says to the group. But then she looks at the cousins with a not so happy look. "You two! You are the ones who took the Santa Grail! I told you it'd be too dangerous for humans to be Santa!"

The two were definitely guilty and didn't deny it. "We know! And we're sorry! But we really wanted to be Santa, and were tired of being just the reindeer!" Nota tries to explain.

"It's still not right how we went about it, and what some of our 'helpers' did definitely wasn't what we had in mind but that doesn't excuse what's happened and we're sorry." Rex also adds.

Nightingale sighs before telling them. "Well you two are apologetic enough. And seem to be handling things well, so for now it's fine. Besides, we still have to deal with the singularity.

Suddenly the very earth shakes and a loud yell echoes out throughout the entirety of the singularity.

The communicator comes in one more time. "Everyone! The big boss is here! She seems to be at the very center of this singularity mess!" Da Vinci tells everyone.

"Well that should be easy enough!" Quetz states.

The group gets on the sleigh, heading towards the center. "What an interesting sleigh" Nightingale adds.

"Nightingale! Can you tell me anything you may know about the one causing this?!" Quetz questions.

"I think I actually know why she's doing this." Nightingale tells her. "But I think it's best you see for yourself."

As they reach the center, a shadowy arena is seen. "I think that's our destination!" Rex says.

They land the sleigh right inside the arena, all getting out. Ready to face whoever comes.

Suddenly, as the earth shakes a mountainous figure rises, mostly covered in shadows but with some parts revealed. Blood red skeletal arms, a half-skull face, obsidian black hair that matched Rex's. Jade green eyes like Quetz's, a huge hammer in her hands, and behind her rose out two ginormous wings! She stood more then 10 stories tall, seeming ready to attack the group.

As everyone prepares to attack, and the figure raises her hammer in the air, she seems to take a second look at everyone and seems shocked! "W-wait! Why are you two here?!" She says in a surprisingly normal sounding voice.

Everyone seems surprised to hear her say that. "W-wait! Who do you mean?" Rex asks.

Suddenly the figures shrinks down into a much smaller form. Now looking like a normal human girl in a hoodie, glasses and her same hair and green eyes. "M-mama! Papa!" She says out loud!

Almost everyone is surprised to hear her say that! But Rex and Quetz specifically kinda piece it together. "D-do you mean us?" Quetz asks, while motioning towards both her and Rex.

The girl nods, while walking closer towards them. Tho seeming nervous the whole time. "I was mad at the people trying to steal your role as Santa, mama."

Quetz walks up to the young girl. "Tell me your name, Mija." She says.

"M-Maria" She answers.

"Maria, why do you think I'm the only Santa?" Quetz asks her apparent daughter.

"Well, growing up, it was always you giving us our presents! Every year on Christmas me and Ed would get the nicest presents from you as Santa!" She tells her mother.

"Ed? Is that your brother?" Rex asks.

"Ah! Yes! Eduardo." Mari tells her father.

"Makes sense that's his name." Rex says.

"Oh, well Mija. That maybe the case in the future, but here in Chaldea I only did it one time. Others have come before and after me! They're not stealing the role at all! Even this year, your father and aunt have the role! Would you attack them for doing that?" Quetz explains to her daughter.

Maria was surprised to hear that. "You're Santa too, Papa?" She asks.

"Si! But like your mother says, just this year. Then someone else will be Santa." He explains. "No one's stealing it from anyone."

Maria felt shame, and lowered her head when she heard that. "S-sorry I did this." She told them. "I hadn't known…"

The two parents went and hugged their daughter. "Aw, it's okay dear!" Quetz says.

"This is a big misunderstanding, but everyone males mistakes!" Rex tells her. "This was…. Quite a big one, but so long as you know better now."

"But you should probably at least apologize to the ones you attacked." Quetz tells her.

She walks towards the other Santas. "I don't expect you guys to forgive me. What I did was way too far. But I felt, betrayed, somewhat. In my time some of you are like family, so when I assumed you guys took the role of Santa… it felt like a great betrayal." She tells the group.

"I didn't know it was a role passed to others. And what I did was far more cruel then I should've been doing." She continues. "I'm sorry for what you all went through. I shouldn't have done any of that"

"Well, I understand that feeling of betrayal." Alter tells her. "To think close family would do such a thing, must've hurt."

"And I don't think you were thinking right either." Altera adds. "You seemed far more angry then you are now."

"It's ok, sun daughter!" Lily says. "My sister does a lot of scary things too! It's not that bad for us servants!"

"And I think you can help make up for it, if you did something for us." Nightingale tells her.

"What would that be?!" Maria asks.

The group of Santas motion towards the cousins behind her. She then looks back towards her aunt, and father.

"Can you help me and your father deliver presents for the holiday?" Nota asks.

Maria's eyes lit up! "I'd love to!!!" She yells out!

"Well let's get on the Sleigh together!" Rex tells her.

Maria excitedly runs into the sleigh, with her parents and the rest of the group joining in too.

"Ready?!" Rex asks his daughter, as he gives her his Santa hat.

"READY!!!" She answers back.

"Here we go!!!" Nota says, as she gets the sleigh going!

As they fly through the night, the singularity falls apart, as they fly to deliver presents to everybody on this Christmas night!

A/N: and we're done!!! Hope you all liked the Christmas story! Hopefully the end was satisfying!!!

Tags!

@madillhethen @hikikomuridesuuu @hasbbdoneanythingwrong @hasarjunadoneanythingwrong @hasspartacusdoneanythingwrong @haskamadoneanythingwrong @littleminxthings @syracusemoon

#fate grand order #quetzalcoatl #wife #mastersona #rex #nota #rexcoatl #maria #miquitzlicoatl #florence nightingale #artoria alter #jeanne d'arc alter santa lily #altera #codex chaldeas

[fate-pride-order]

Lesbian pride flag color-picked from Altera the San(ta)!

#fgo #fate grand order #altera #altera santa #lesbian #pride flag #holiday special

[nasuverse-most-breedable-tourney]

The contenders have been chosen! A whopping 256 characters have been sent to me. Brackets will take awhile to be made but the tournament will start when I'm ready.

Achilles Agravain Altera Altera the Santa Amakusa Shirou Amor Anastasia Andromeda Anne Bonny & Mary Read Antonio Salieri Aoko Aozaki Arash Archimedes Arcueid Arjuna Arjuna Alter Artoria Artoria Alter Artoria Caster Artoria Lancer Artoria Lancer Alter Asclepius Ashiya Douman Asterios Astolfo Asvatthaman Atalanta Atalanta Alter Angra Mainyu Avicebron Baobhan Sith Barghest Bartholomew Roberts Bazett BB Bedivere Beowulf Bhima Billy the Kid Blackbeard Boudica Bradamante Britomart Byrnhild Caenis Calamity Jane Carmilla Ceil Circe Charlemagne Charlotte Corday Chen Gong Chevalier d'Eon Cleopatra Constantine XI Cu Cu (Alter) Cu (Caster) David Daybit Demon King Nobunaga Diarmuid Dioscuri Dobrynya Nikitich Dorothea Coyett Durga Duryodhana Dust of Osiris Edmond Dantes Emiya Enkidu Ereshkigal Europa Fergus mac Roich Fionn mac Cumhaill Fiore Forvedge First Hassan Florence Nightingale Francesca Prelati Francis Drake Fujimaru Ritsuka Fuma Kotaro Gareth Gawain Georgios Gilgamesh Gilgamesh Caster Goetia Goredolf Gorgon Hassan of Serenity Hassan of the Hundred Faces Hildr Hector Henry Jekyll & Hyde Hephaestion Hercules Hippolyta Huang Feihu Huyan Zhuo Ibuki Douji Iskandar Ishtar Ivan the Terrible Izumo no Okuni Jacques de Molay Jacques de Molay Foreigner Jalter Jason Jeanne d'Arc Jinako Carigiri Jing Ke Kadoc Kama Karna Kato Danzo Katsushika Hokusai Kiara Kiichi Hogen Kijyo Koyo Kintoki Kirei Kiritsugu Kirschtaria Wodime Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg Kishinami Hakuno Koyanskaya Kriemhild Kukulkan Lanling Wang Leonardo da Vinci Leysritt Locusta Luviagelita Edelfelt Mandricardo Mash Mata Hari Medea Medusa Meltryllis Mephistopheles Merlin Merlin Prototype Mikiya Kokutou Miss Crane Miyamoto Musashi Miyamoto Iori Mordred Mori Nagayoshi Moriarty (Archer) Moriarty (Ruler) Mozart Muniere Murasaki Shikibu Mysterious Heroine XX Nagkura Shinpachi Neco Arc Nero Nezha Noah Noel Aizome Night of Wallachia Nitocris Nitocris Alter Nrvnqsr Chaos Oberon Oda Kippoushi Oda Nobunaga Odysseus Okada Izo Okita Souji Ortlinde Osakabehime Ozymandias Passionlip Patxi Penthesilea Percival Perseus Phantom of the Opera Proto Arthur Ptolemy Qin Liangyu Queen Himiko Queen Medb Queen of Sheba Quetzalcoatl Quetzalcoatl Samba Raikou Rama Richard the Lionheart Riesbyfe Stridberg Rin Tohsaka Roa Robin Hood Romani Saber (Fate/Samurai Remnant) Saint Martha Saito Hajime Sakamoto Ryouma and Oryo Salome Sasaki Kojiro Scandinavia Peperoncino Scathach Scheherazade Sei Shonagon Semiramis Shakespeare Sherlock Holmes Shi Huang Di Shiki Tohno Shiki Ryougi Shirou Emiya Shuten Douji Sieg Siegfried Sigurd Sisigou Kairi Skadi Souichirou Kuzuki Spartacus Suse Ritsuka Suzuka Gozen Taiga Fujimura Taigong Wang Taira-no-Kagekiyo Takao Dayu Takasugi Shinsaku Takechi Zuizan Tamamo Cat Tamamo no Mae Tenochtitlan Theseus Thrud Tiamat Tomoe Gozen Touko Aozaki Tristan Ushiwakamaru Van Gogh Vlad III Vlov Arkhangel Vritra Watanabe-no-Tsuna Waver Xiang Yu Xuanzang Sanzang Yamanami Keisuke Yan Qing Yang Guifei Yu Mei-ren Yui Shousetsu Zenobia Zeus

#op post

[ylsterman]

***ENGLISH AFTER SPANISH 👇***

Necesito desahogarme. Advertencia de insultos aquí. Entonces, está este tipo ridículo conservador en Twitter diciendo que Miss Venezuela le está rindiendo culto a Satanás en el Miss Universo.

Y DIOS, ESTE TIPO NO PUEDE SER MÁS ESTÚPIDO. ES SOBRE UNA FESTIVIDAD, LOS DIABLOS DANZANTES DE YARE, UNA CELEBRACIÓN RELIGIOSA QUE TRATA SOBRE QUE LOS DEMONIOS SE RINDEN ANTE DIOS.

¿LO PEOR? EL TIPO SE DECLARA CATÓLICO.

SÓLO ES UN MALDITO IDIOTA QUE NO TIENE ABSOLUTAMENTE IDEA DE QUÉ TRATAN LAS COSAS.

TUVO QUE SILENCIAR LOS COMENTARIOS PORQUE SE LO DIJERON, LO CORRIGERON Y ÉL SIGUE Y SIGUE EN LO MISMO.

Y TIENE LAS SANTAS BOLAS DE DECIR QUE LA SITUACIÓN DE MI PAÍS ES DEBIDO A ESO. ¿¿LE PICA EL CULO?? QUIERO GOLPEARLO DIOS

Malditos conservadores ridículos.

Perdón si parezco muy enojado, pero me altera mucho que intente criticar sin saber un coño de madre de nuestra cultura.

*ENGLISH*

I need to relieve. Insults warning here.

So, there's this ridiculous conservative guy on Twitter saying that Miss Venezuela is worshiping Satan at Miss Universe.

AND GOD, THIS GUY COULD NOT BE MORE STUPID. IT'S ABOUT A FEAST, LOS DIABLOS DANZANTES DE YARE, A RELIGIOUS CELEBRATION THAT IS ABOUT DEMONS SURRENDERING BEFORE GOD.

WORST? THE GUY DECLARES HIMSELF CATHOLIC.

HE'S JUST A DAMN IDIOT WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT THINGS ARE ABOUT.

HE HAD TO SILENCE THE COMMENTS BECAUSE THEY TOLD HIM, THEY CORRECTED HIM AND HE CONTINUES AND CONTINUES THE SAME THING.

AND HE HAS THE HOLY BALLS TO SAY THAT THE SITUATION OF MY COUNTRY IS DUE TO THAT. DOES YOUR ASS ITCH?? I WANT TO HIT IT GOD

Damn ridiculous conservatives.

Sorry if I seem very angry, but it upsets me a lot that I try to criticize without knowing un coño de madre from our culture.

#miss Venezuela #miss universe #fuck conservatives #diablos danzantes de yare #trigger warning #slurs #Venezuelan #cultura venezolana

[hassiegfrieddoneanythingwrong]

The 7th Evocation Festival has (finally) arrived, adding Santa Salter, Janta, Santa Altera, and Santa Karna to the line-up, with a skill buff for Santa Salter and an NP buff for Janta.

Also, starting March 1st (heh), Santa Altera's extra NP copies will only be bought with the evocation leaves.

#Fate/Grand Order #fgo news #getting Santas in February huh...

[zeravmeta]

Top 5 Fate blorbos NOT including Limbo.

this one made me laugh bc like, yeah limbo is my special little princess but also he is one of my many special little princesses, like i love limbo but im not The Limbo Guy, if that makes sense (i have many guys)

That said there are simply too many fate blorbos i have and no easy way to list them in a perfectly objective top 5, so I shall do something fun instead, listing them in tiers. As expected, the list expands as it goes on (not every servant listed obvs)

5. Characters who I am passively aware of. This is for characters who are somewhat relevant enough for me to like. think about

Gilles Saber, Caesar, Paris Hektor, Circe, Lu Bu, Spartacus, Eric Bloodaxe

4. Characters who I have a light inclination towards. Maybe they were useful for farming or I read their profiles and was satisfied

Jason, Billy The Kid, Oda Nobukatsu, , Tristan, William Tell, Medusa Lily, Janta Lily, Tawaru, Achilles, Wu Zetian, Cleopatra, Darius III, Kiyohime

3. Characters who I just like. I look at them and go "its the guy :)"

Senji Muramasa, Fergus, Robin Hood, Leonidas, Enkidu, Nezha, Anne-Bonny & Mary Read, Bartholomew Roberts, Red Hare, Scheherazade, Anastasia, Kyokutei Bakin, Charles-Henri Sanson, Assassin Emiya/Kerry, Ushiwakamaru, Gray, Huyan Zhuo, Penthesilea, Kijyo Koyo, Asterios

2. Characters who I love. This one is a substantial jump upwards in quality and they only have like 1-2 things missing (to me) that prevent them from being numero uno

Altera, Bedivere, Okita, Beni Enma, Sigurd, Saito Hajime, Artemis-Orion, Emiya, Atalante, Baobhan Sith, Cu Chulainn, Romulus (and Quirinus), Caenis, Vritra, Melusine, Boudica, Marie Antionette, Mandricardo, Habetrot, Dobrynya Nikitich, Hans Christian Andersen, Mata Hari, Charlotte Corday, Katou Danzo, Koyanskaya of the Light, Tezcatlipoca, Sen no Rikyu, Kriemhild, Koyanskaya of Darkness

My special little princesses. Play this song while reading

Mash Kyrielight number one forever, saber classes artoria pendragon nero claudius siegfried void shiki miyamoto musashi ibuki douji barghest archer classes david arjuna oda nobunaga artoria pendragon archer swimsuit james moriarty tomoe gozen calamity jane nightingale santa sei shounagon zenobia lancer class scathach artoria pendragon lancer artoria pendragon lancer alter brynhildr tamamo no mae lancer minamoto no raikou lancer swimsuit ereshikigal elizabeth bathory rider class medusa francis drake artoria pendragon santa alter astolfo sakata kintoki rider quetzalcoatl artoria pendragon rider alter swimsuit leonardo da vinci rider murasaki shikubu rider swimsuit caster class mephistopheles cu chulainn caster tamamo no mae nursery rhyme helena blavatsky xuanzang sazang nero claudius swimsuit nitocris leonardo da vinci shuten douji caster ascelpius chen gong artoria caster assassin class phantom of the opera jack the ripper mysterious heroine x ryougi shiki assassin shuten douji scathach assassin first hassan nitocris assassin osakabehime okada izo yu mei-ren kama berserker class sakata kintoki vlad III caligula tamamo cat nightingale cu chulainn alter minamoto no raikou mysterious heroine x alter hijikata toshizo atalante alter jeanne d'arc alter berserker swimsuit xiang yu arjuna alter mori nagayoshi salome miyamoto musashi swimsuit brynhildr swimsuit morgan sei shounagon swimsuit ibuki douji swimsuit ruler class jeanne d'arc saint martha swimsuit sherlock holmes qin shi huang quetzalcoatl samba santa artoria pendragon swimsuit ruler himiko leonardo da vinci swimsuit james moriarty lily iyo avenger class edmond dantes jeanne d'arc alter angra mainyu gorgon antonio salieri demon king oda nobunaga space ishtar kama avenger swimsuit nitocris alter alter ego class meltryllis passionlip sessyoin kiara okita souji alter ashiya douman xu fu larva tiamat mooncancer class bb bb summer sessyoin kiara swimsuit archetype earth foreigner class abigail williams katsushika hokusai mysterious heroine xx voyager van gogh mysterious idol x alter kukulkan pretender class oberon beast class draco nero

#zerav responds #thanks. i went a little silly goofy with this one

[grailfinders]

Brute Grail Front Review #2

another day, another chance to kick caesar’s ass. for anyone wanting to go in blind, we’ll put everything under the cut.

The Enemy

today’s team is stacked, thanks to the two clerics Nitocris and Amakusa providing some serious magical firepower and Attila the San(ta) teaming up with Caligula to cover their physicality.

With two clerics and a healing subclass’s sorcerer, this fight will not be over quickly. and I can’t call this a battle of attrition either, since Caligula and Attila both specialize in giving each other offensive buffs. we’ve got our work cut out for us.

Who to Take?

first, we have to deal with the casters. not having a caster class servant severely limits the number of servants with counterspell to pick from, but we do still have access to Sima Yi. if only counterspell worked against Amakusa in Shimousa…

second, we need to split up Cali and the hun to keep them from buffing up too much. we could grab nero for mirage arcane, but a) team cost and b) I want to talk about new people here, so instead let’s grab Fergus. his NP can tear up the earth into difficult terrain, and that’ll make it harder for the physical attackers to regroup.

of course, we still need a way to split these two up, and to keep Altera from just hopping on Dumuzid to fly over everything. that’s why we need air superiority, a.k.a. Summer Okita. grapple onto Santa and drag her away with a jet pack blast or two, then snipe her flying sheep out from under her when she tries to escape.

finally, if we’re going to drag this fight out and win, we need healing of our own. there’s not a lot of doctors in the lancer class, so we’ll have to take what we can get with Fionn mac Cumhaill. I know that potion spell he has is really, really old UA by now, but it’s cool so whatever.

or you can just like, abuse the AI. whatever works for you.

#fgo #fate grand order #dnd #not a build

[okadaizoirl]

#fate grand order #fgo #polls

[300iqprower]

Full list of servant rank ups in my backlog:

(Ones already posted (as best as i remember) will be marked with *)

[warning, it's a long list]

Artoria

Salter

Nero

Siegfried

Caesar

Gilles

CasGilles

d’Eon

Gilgamesh

Atalanta*

Eurayle

Stheno

Cu

CasCu

Proto Cu*

Cu Alter

Benkei*

Benkei again

Leonidas

Romulus

Medusa

Gorgon

Ana

Lu Bu

Georgios*

Blackbeard

Columbus

Bartholomew

Drake

Boudica

Ushi

Sushi

Kiichi

Alexander

Iskandar

Marie

Martha

Ruler Martha

Medea

Hans

Shakespeare

Mephistopheles*

Waver

Cursed Arm

Hundred Personas*

Serenity

Gramps

Jing Ke

Sanson

Mozart*

Phantom

Mata Hari*

Carmilla

Heracles

Zerkerlot

Saberlot

Spartacus*

Kintoki

Rider Kintoki

Vlad iii*

Vlancer*

Asterios*

Asterios again

Caligula

Darius

Eric

Catamamo*

Jeanne

Artemis

Castamamo

David

Hektor

Anne&Mary

Nobu

Bigger Nobu

Scathach

Diarmuid(WIP)

Sabeuid(WIP)

Fergus

Santoria

Nursery rhyme

Jack

Mordred*

Tesla

Lalter

Lartoria

Paracelsus

Babbage

Jekyll/hyde*

Frankenstein*

Summer fran

Arjuna*

Karna*

MHX

Fionn

Brynhildr

Summer Brynhildr

Beowulf

Nero Bride

Shiki

Shiki saber

Amakusa

Astolfo*

Bunstolfo

Ko-Gil

Casgil*

Casgil SSR edition

Dantes

Nightingale

Rama

Li Shuwen

Bruce Li

Edison

Geronimo

Billy*

Billy again

Jason*

Jason again

Jason SSR edition

Touta

Jalter

Kerry

Edgya

Shuten

Ibaraki*

Ibaraki again(WIP)

Tomoe(WIP)

Kotarou

Danzo

Musashi

Nitocris

Medjed

Moolah*

Moolah again

Schez

Tristan

Gawain

Gareth

Bedivere

Lancer Tamamo

Summer Marie

Kiyo Lancer*

Cleopatra

Enkidu*

Jaguar Warrior

Quetz

Samba Quetz

Moriarty

Hessian-Lobo

Doppelganger (Yan Qing)

Arthur

Hijikata

Chacha

Suzuka

Bunyan*

Rishtar

Paraiso

Inshun

Yagyu

Weebat*

Mecha Eli MK II

Circe

Ne zha

Abby

Semitruck

Nyalter

Anastasia

Avicebro*

Achilles

Chiron*

Sieg*

Izou

Ryouma

Napoleon

Sigurd

Valkyrie x3

Skadi

MHXX

Xiang Yu

Lanling

Qin Liangyu

Qin Shi Huang

Yu Mei Ren

Red Hare

Bradamante

Beni Enma

Murasaki

KP*

Junao*

Asclepius

Mori

Paris

Chen gong

Charlotte

Salome

Soakkie (summer weebat)

Wu Zeitan

Carmilla Sandiego

Mandy

Europa

Caeneus(WIP)

Quirinus

Boyager

Santa Altera

Janta

Erice

SAbby

Ralter

Katsu

Penthesilia

Kagetora

Odysseus

Yang

Morgan*

Bao Sith

Jiang Ziya

Assassin Valkyrie

#fgo #hypothetical rank ups

[canesenzafissadimora]

A un certo punto, verso i quarant'anni, ho cominciato a scrivere prose con la stessa insistenza con cui nei venti anni precedenti avevo scritto versi. Avevo il problema del mio corpo e ho pensato di curarmi scrivendo. Dai versi alla prosa è come cambiare medicina, passare dalle siringhe allo sciroppo. In ogni caso si rimane nella mistica di una parola intesa come farmaco. Non mi sono guarito, ho semplicemente continuato a scrivere. E a vivere secondo le linee guida dettate dalla mia nevrosi. Piano piano il mio corpo si è trasformato in un muro messo tra me e gli altri. Nel mio corpo non ci sono io e non ci sono gli altri. Il mio corpo è un appartamento sfitto occupato abusivamente dalla morte. Abusivamente s'intende prima del tempo, perché è chiaro che alla morte a un certo punto spetta occupare ogni cosa, ogni corpo.

Adesso per alcuni sono una creatura unica e meravigliosa, per altri sono un egoista inaffidabile. Adesso io non riesco a dare più credito né alle ammirazioni né alle ingiurie. Posso solo continuare a scrivere, fuori e dentro il mondo, su un confine in cui la sofferenza mi sostiene e mi strazia. Vado avanti verso l'imbuto, vado avanti e prego e tremo davanti alla paura come una santa davanti al Signore. Sono un mistico della morte, è come se me ne occupassi al posto dei tanti che disertano l'ossario della verità in favore delle schiume della finzione.

Io ormai non posso più tornare indietro. Il subbuglio della mia vita mi raggiunge in riva al mare, durante un orgasmo, durante una cena tra amici. Ormai nel mio corpo la parola è una specie di ormone aggiunto, un ormone che altera ogni mio secondo, lo blocca o lo porta via con furia e io non posso attraversare con fiducia nessuna giornata. La parola in quanto farmaco è anche veleno e siccome il mondo è tutto cosparso di parole, significa che il mondo è tutto cosparso di veleno. La prosa, la buona prosa dovrebbe funzionare come un’aspirapolvere, togliere di mezzo le parole per riscoprire la casa, la foglia, la bocca. È come se ormai si dovesse scrivere per cancellare la plastica delle parole che ha plastificato il mondo e far uscire la carta stropicciata, la piega, lo spacco. La farmacia della prosa invita a tentare una vita enorme in ogni momento, a tentare di scoprire il dio che ci accompagna mentre ci mettiamo le calze o ci laviamo la faccia. La farmacia della prosa è nel corpo di ognuno, è il sacro stipato sotto lo sterno e ci ricorda che ci sono tanti universi, ma solo qui è primavera.

Franco Arminio

[hasquetzorkukudoneanythingwrong]

Mictlanmas: Mari's dilemma

After being selected to be the next Santa, Maria was trying to figure out how to be Santa.

“So do I actually give people presents or do I just spread Christmas cheer or what the fuck even?!” Mari questioned, being absolutely lost as to what to do.

She read up on varying Christmas stories to try and help figure out what to do. It was only kind of helping her.

“Maybe you should take a break and take your mind off things, mija?” Kukulkan asked her, while bringing her some hot chocolate.

“But I really should figure this shit out already! Besides, I've already started trying and I know I'll procrastinate too long if I stop now” Maria answered.

“Well what happened with the other Santas?” Kuku asked.

“Artoria Alter just delivered to violent kids, Janta found her inner child, Altera went to the underworld, Mama had to fight herself and ungrateful servants, Nightingale… also found her inner child I think? Karna fought Vritra, and Martha made a huge dinner.” Maria explained.

Kuku was surprised to hear all that happened“Oh wow! So much happened. Wait, what do you mean Quetza-”

“Oh wait a minute!” Mari said.

“Oh?! Did you think of something?!” Kuku asked.

“In this story here! It's like they mashed together Christmas and Halloween! That'd be perfect for me!” Maria said to Kuku.

“Oh? Aren't they a bit different?” Kuku questioned.

“People like scary and people like jolly! Mash them together and people will be happy!” Mari assured her.

“...makes sense to me!” Kuku responded.

#fate grand order #mastersona #wife #maria #kukulkan #mictlanmas

[fate-pride-order]

Sapphic pride flag color-picked from Altera the San(ta), requested by Anon!

#fgo #fate grand order #altera #altera santa #sapphic #pride flag #request

[aulascomdeus]

Quem permitiu a doença, pode trazer a cura; Quem autorizou uma guerra, pode finda-la; Quem conhece o tempo, pode altera-lo; Quem iniciou o mal, pode reestabelecer o bem; Em Deus se inicia, determina e se finaliza.

6 DE FEVEREIRO: Setenta semanas estão determinadas para o Seu povo e para a Sua santa cidade, para acabar com a transgressão, para dar fim aos pecados, para expiar a iniquidade, para trazer a justiça eterna (Daniel 9:24)

Aulas com Deus

#meditacoesdiarias #escritos