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oliverreedmasterass · 11 months

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Greta Van Fleet going on Americas Got Talent for the heck of it that’d be so fun

ADDISON HELLO IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE YOU SENT THIS IN I'M SO SORRY BUT TA DA I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU!!

The Greta Van Fleetles

Words: 3.2k words

Warnings: drinking, language, sexual innuendos, just overall buffoonery

Notes: Thank you @jmkho for recommending a little Beatles crossover, mixing my two favorite bands was a blast to write :)

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“Remind me again why we’re doing this?” Jake asked from the backstage area of the Nashville arena, nervously playing with his dress shirt and fake beard.

“Because it’s funny as hell,” Sam replied with a shrug. Beside him, Danny was struggling to tame his curly mane into a wig cap, wrestling with it on top of his head. Sam took a break from buttoning up his black fur coat and put his hands out to stop Danny. “You’re gonna rip your head off, let me help you.”

Jake stared onwards at his younger brother, who was using both his hands to force the cap from the back of Danny’s head to his forehead. Danny’s eyes were squeezed shut in pain, but he didn’t utter a single sound.

“I think this is an interesting direction for us,” Josh admitted. Jake turned back to study his twin and smirked at his long, dirty blonde wig, shaved face, and large round glasses.

“The resemblance is uncanny,” Jake joked. Josh toyed with a few strands of the fake hair and gave Josh a goofy grin. “I have to get into the Liverpudlian mindset.”

“What’s the plan anyways?” Jake turned back to Sam, since the whole thing had been his idea in the first place. Sam finally secured Danny’s wig cap with a loud snap, making Danny wince, and turned to Jake with triumph still etched across his face.

“We go out there, get a few laughs, play ‘Dig a Pony,’ and call it a day.”

“Why ‘Dig a Pony?’” Josh raised an eyebrow.

Sam thought hard. “It’s a fun song.”

Jake turned to Josh and studied him. “Do you even know the lyrics?”

“John Lennon didn’t know them when he performed it on the rooftop,” Josh said back. “He had a poor PA hold up the lyrics like a human music stand.”

“It’s a great marketing strategy,” Sam continued to talk at his bandmates. “I mean, we’ve got a new album out, this will get people talking and then they'll look into our stuff. If anything, I think it’s a genius plan.”

“You would,” Jake had to laugh at his younger brother’s ego. “I think there’s a reason why most successful bands don’t go out on the America’s Got Talent stage dressed as a Beatles cover band.”

“That’s because they don’t think outside the box,” Sam pointed out.

“I think you just want to do this to prove to people that you look like George Harrison,” Danny shared his thoughts. Jake smirked at the shaggy mop of a wig that Danny had placed on his head. It didn’t quite suit him, but it also didn’t look horrible.

“Would that be a crime?” Sam crossed his arms. With the bright green pants, furry black coat, and Fender strapped to him, he really did resemble the late Beatles lead guitarist. In comparison to Sam, Jake hardly looked like Paul McCartney. With Josh’s help, he had managed to slip on his own shaggy, chocolate brown wig earlier and had a big, bushy beard that entirely covered his lips. His dark three piece suit and Hofner violin bass hanging over his shoulder were really the only indicators that he was supposed to be Paul McCartney. Jake was frustrated that Sam had managed to convince him to take over on the bass for their performance because he hated being away from his guitar, but he tried to suck it up. It was for a silly American reality show. Sure, their performance would air on television, but it wasn’t like the stakes were entirely that high.

“It really is an elaborate plan, Sam,” Josh had to muse. “Most people are already in agreement that you’re the reincarnation of George Harrison.”

“I think Sam’s up to something else,” Danny thought aloud while trying to straighten his wig. “I bet it’s a way to dodge the Led Zeppelin comparisons. It’ll help if you sing more like John Lennon than Robert Plant.”

“You know I don’t sing like Robert Plant on purpose, right?” Josh shook his head back at Danny in disbelief. “But I can do a mean John Lennon accent,” he added, pitching his voice to be more nasally, British, and full.

“Good, keep in character,” Sam gave Josh a thumbs up. “That’ll make this bit even funnier.”

“Ay,” Josh continued to speak like John Lennon. “Swap out the ‘S’ for an ‘N’ in my name, I’ll only answer to the name John now.”

“You spell your name J-O-N-H?” Danny cocked his head to the side.

“Aw fuck,” Josh smacked himself in the forehead, breaking character. “My damn dyslexia. I really thought I had done something there.”

Danny chuckled at Josh’s mistake, and pulled on the plastic red coat that he and Sam had thrifted earlier that day. He grabbed two drumsticks from the table next to him and spun them around a few times, looking around at his bandmates.

“Do I make a good Ringo?” he asked with his eyebrow raised.

“You will in a second,” Sam replied.

“Oh?” Danny asked. Sam searched around in his tote bag and retrieved a fake mustache, which he carried to Danny and pressed on his upper lip.

“I hereby declare thee, Richard Starkey,” Sam announced.

“I’d like to be, under the sea, in an Octopus’s Garden,” Danny started to jokingly sing, which Sam met with a loud laugh.

“Are you guys ready to go?” Terry Crews joined their circle, wrapping his arms around Jake and Josh’s shoulders. “You all look great.”

“Ready, we are,” Josh nodded. “Time to make some bleedin’ history.”

Terry Crews motioned for them to take the stage and, with their heads held high, the four strutted to center stage, met by a loud applause from the audience. Sam’s smile was wide as he centered himself in front of the microphone and looked down at Simon Cowell, Heidi Klum, Howie Mandel, and Sofia Vergara.

“You look familiar,” Howie called up to them with a twinkle in his eye. “Did you stumble across a time machine or something?”

“What year is it?” Danny leaned forward to joke into the microphone, sporting a pretty impressive Ringo impression.

“2023,” Sofia replied with a chuckle.

“Well lads,” Jake stepped forward to look around at his band members, “it looks like we accidentally just took the trip of a lifetime.”

“That’s what happens when ye get by with a ‘lil help from yer friends,” Josh added.

“What are you going to be performing tonight?” Simon asked, seemingly unamused by their comedy routine. Sam took the hint and found his place back in front of the microphone, clearing his throat.

“We’ll be doing, uh, ‘Dig a Pony,’ off the Let It Be album,” he declared.

“Go on then,” Simon nodded.

“He is mean,” Danny whispered to Sam as they moved away from center stage.

“We are The Greta Van Fleetles,” Josh spoke into his microphone, pausing for a brief second to flash a cheeky wink back at Sam, Danny, and Jake. “One, two, three, four!” He counted the group in.

Sam chose “Dig A Pony” as their song, not only because it was easily one of The Beatles’ more bizarre songs, but also because the bass and guitar parts were essentially the same. He had been insistent that he play guitar so he could entirely assume the role of George Harrison, which Jake hadn’t been thrilled about, but they both knew that they could manage to trade instruments.

As they started the song, Sam felt like they were doing a pretty good job, playing in time with Danny’s enthusiastic beat, syncing up each note perfectly.

“I-hi-hi, hi-hi, dig a pony,” Josh sang in a lower register once the song slowed down to the first verse. “But you can celebrate anything you want, yes, you can celebrate anything you want.”

Jake, still playing Paul’s bass part, hurried across the stage to join Josh at his microphone and sing a higher harmony, which made Sam nearly laugh out loud.

“I-hi-hi, hi-hi, do a road hog?” Jake and Josh both sang with their eyebrows furrowed, obviously not remembering the lyrics.

“But you can penetrate any place you want,” Josh belted out, without realizing what he was singing, causing Jake to burst out into a cacophony of wheezes and giggles, most of which the microphone picked up.

“Yes, you can penetrate any place you want,” Jake harmonized with Josh once more, in between gasps as he tried to catch his breath.

Down at the judge’s table, Simon hit the red buzzer.

“Aw, c’mon!” Sam couldn’t help but yell down at him. He really wasn’t good at handling criticism. Simon shrugged back at him, as if saying, it’s not my fault you guys stink. Sam tried to not let it get to him, but he missed a few notes as they built up to the chorus.

“ALL I WANT IS YEW!” Josh and Jake both hollered into the microphone, starting to sound a bit pitchy. “ANYTHING HAS GOT TO DO ME LIKE YOU WANNA DO-OO-OO-OO-OO-OO-OOH, BECAUUUSE.”

“Those aren’t the lyrics,” Danny groaned from his drumstand. “You guys are fucking it up.”

This only made Jake laugh harder, and to Sam and Danny’s dismay, they watched as he turned his back to the audience and took a break from playing his bass to wipe the fat tears away from his eyes. Sofia and Heidi both slammed their fists down on the red buzzer, and Sam threw his head back to groan in despair.

The negative reception from the judges only made Jake cackle harder and, with his goofy mood unlocked, he made his way back to Josh and the microphone stand and did a loud “Whoooo!” into the microphone while bashing his head around, to the point where his wig flung off and flew across the stage.

“Wrong era of Beatles!” Sam scolded Jake for his buffoonery. Josh pulled the microphone off its stand and twirled the cord around a few times as he danced over to Jake’s wig, which was sitting in a dark brown pile on the edge of the stage. Josh balanced on one leg and reached down to grab the wig, securing it on top of his own wig and gave Howie a wink, which he returned.

“I-hi-hi, hi-hi, rode a pony,” Josh returned back to butchering the lyrics.

“Give me the mic, I’ll sing it right,” Danny shouted down at him. Josh was incredibly tickled by how easily offended Danny got by Beatles slander.

“Well, you can imitate everyone you know,” Josh crooned, lowering his fake glasses down onto the bridge of his nose and wiggling his eyebrows a few times for the cameras. “Yes, you can imitate everyone you know,” he sang a second time in a falsetto wail. Jake’s laughter was picked up again by the mics when the crowd started to cheer Josh on.

“ALL I WANT IS YEW!” Josh hollered as he filled with confidence. “HEEBA DEEBA BOOBIE DOOBIE SCOOBIE DOOBIE DO-OO-OO-OO-OO-OO-OOH.”

Behind him, Danny grumbled something and Sam missed his cue to break into his guitar solo. He loudly cursed at his error and then struggled to get the timing right, making a collection of squeaks with heavy feedback. In his moment of panic, he accidentally started to play a terrible rendition of the “Stairway to Heaven” solo.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Jake howled in delight at his brother’s mistake. “No Stairway!”

“I didn’t realize you knew how to play Stairway,” Josh accidentally spoke into the mic.

“I don’t,” Sam’s face was red with embarrassment. He dropped his hands down to his side in defeat, leaving only Danny to carry the tune, and Howie slammed his fist down on the red buzzer, officially eliminating them.

“I’d like to say thank you on behalf of our group, and I hope we’ve passed the audition,” Josh spoke over the boos from the crowd.

“Well, you didn’t,” Simon stared the band down. Jake pulled his wig cap off and shook his short hair out before giving Simon a fake pout.

“Ah, fooey,” he mumbled.

“I was holding out hope for you guys,” Howie said, “You almost pulled it off.”

“How do you feel about second chances?” Josh attempted to flash another grin in Howie’s direction. Howie studied the faces of his fellow judges to see how they were feeling, and then turned back to Josh with a shrug.

“Why not?” he guessed.

Josh took his cue to rip off his own wig and glasses, which he flung off stage, hitting Terry Crews in the face, and clapped his hands together.

“My name is Josh Kiszka,” he shouted with all of his might. “And I give you,” he broke for a dramatic pause, “Magic.”

“Oh lord,” Danny shook his head in disbelief from off to the side. “Not on live television.”

Josh planted his feet firmly on the stage and took a low stance.

“What you’re about to witness is not for the faint of heart,” Josh announced. “I’m going to show you the magical prowess of an enchanter.”

He had the audience, judges, Jake, and Sam in the palm of his hand as he sucked in a deep breath and then exhaled. Slowly, he lifted his hands up, stretched them behind his head, and moved them back upwards to be visible once more. The audience watched as Josh’s index fingers and thumbs looped together in a connected chain. He held his interlocked fingers out in front of him for everyone to see and then, slowly once more, moved them back behind his head.

“When I do the reveal, all I ask is that you remain calm,” he declared. The entire stadium was still in anticipation. “ALAKAZAM”! Josh screamed, raising his hands back up towards the sky, showing that they were no longer linked together.

“Oh my god,” Danny shook his head.

“What?” Sofia asked from the judge’s table. “What was that?”

“Magic,” Josh answered with a grin.

All four judges pressed down hard on their red buttons.

“I see you’re too close-minded to truly appreciate my powers,” Josh protested.

Jake, who had somehow managed to drink half a bottle of pinot noir while Josh performed his magic trick, stumbled back onto the stage and pointed down at the judges.

“This will be sure to impress you.”

“Terry? Where’s Terry?” Heidi searched around, trying to find their host to remove the hooligans from the stage. On the wing, Terry was sitting on the floor in a daze with a medic who was tending to a nasty gash on his head, earned from Josh’s glasses hitting him earlier.

Jake spun around in a staggering circle, waving his fists over his head, and then attempted to jump down into the splits. Everyone winced at the sound of his pants ripping down the middle and his knees cracking with a loud pop.

“I guess I can’t do that move anymore,” he squeaked out in pain and toppled over onto his side. Sam stepped over him and tore off his oversized coat, revealing his bare chest.

“Can you please get them off the stage?” Simon shouted at the security guards, who were apparently non-existent.

“You want talent? I’ll show you talent,” Sam stated with the utmost intensity, still butthurt that they hadn’t gotten the golden buzzer for their Beatles cover. The judges gaped at him as he slapped his hand under his armpit and started to swing his other arm up and down, pooting out a string of farting noises.

“Go Sam, go!” Josh cheered his younger brother on. Sam maintained direct eye contact with Simon as he let out an impressive line of 16th notes with his armpit, and then broke into a tune that slightly resembled the “Can-Can.”

While Sam played away, Jake attempted to rebound from his devastating dance injury and started to spin circles on the floor, holding his weight up on his shoulder while his legs pushed him around. Josh revisited his magic trick, shouting at the audience that he bet they couldn’t guess how he was pulling it off. To the crowd, it was challenging to watch the three brothers at once, since so much was going on. Danny stood back by his drum kit and stared at Sam, Jake, and Josh with a frown. He had never considered going on America’s Got Talent, but he was curious if he had enough raw talent to be voted onto the show.

He stepped down from his drum stand, removed his wig and mustache, and pulled off his red coat, revealing a black button up shirt and dress pants. After tucking his drumsticks into his back pocket, he reached down to retrieve the Fender Sam had left unattended on the ground. The feedback buzzed at his touch, and he placed the strap over his head with a soft grunt. While Jake, Josh, and Sam continued their clowning, he stepped up to Sam’s microphone and strummed a quick chord.

“Day after day, alone on a hill,” Danny started to sing while playing along on the guitar. “The man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still.”

The chaos at center stage started to wind down as Danny’s warm vocals washed over the audience. Jake’s spinning slowed to a halt and he laid on his side to watch his friend sing his heart out. Josh had his hands flopped to his side and he gaped at Danny. Sam tried to play along with him using his armpit.

“But nobody wants to know him, they can see that he’s just a fool, and he never gives an answer,” Danny’s voice grew with more confidence. “But the fool on the hill sees the sun going down, and the eyes in his head see the world spinning round.”

Josh snapped back to life and started to whistle along to the flute part while Danny hummed. He sang a few runs, just to show off a bit, and then played the final note. Almost immediately he was met by a thunderous applause.

“Who knew Ringo could sing?” Howie joked.

“Why didn’t you start with that?” Sofia added. “That was incredible!”

Simon stared down at the line of judges and arched an eyebrow.

“I say we go for him, what are your votes?”

“Yes for me, absolutely,” Sofia nodded.

“Definitely,” Howie agreed.

“Yup,” Heidi smiled.

“And that’s a yes for me,” Simon stated as he wrote something down on his notepad. “Congratulations, Ringo.”

The crowd’s cheers were deafening.

“We made it?” Josh perked up.

“No, only Danny,” Jake leaned into his side.

“Huh?” Josh didn’t seem like he could process what had happened.

“Oh god, he’s gonna go solo,” Sam tugged on his face in despair.

“I’m going to decline that offer,” Danny spoke into the microphone with a playful grin. “I was just curious if you would take the bait.”

“Oh,” Heidi breathed out in shock.

“I have a new record to promote with my band, Greta Van Fleet,” Danny explained as he motioned back at his bandmates. Taking the opportunity, Danny turned towards the camera and pointed at it. “Starcatcher: July 21st, 2023.”

“Now that’s what I call marketing!” Sam perked back up to exclaim. The three brothers rushed to Danny’s side and embraced him in a bear hug.

“Thanks for not leaving the band,” Josh whispered to Danny.

“There’d have to be a lot more tension in the band for me to pull a Ringo and leave,” Danny replied.

“Please get off the stage,” Terry Crews spoke to them, holding an ice pack up to his bandaged head. “I think you’ve done enough.”

#greta van fleet #gvf #jake kiszka #sam kiszka #josh kiskza #danny wagner #greta van fleet fanfiction #greta van fleet fanfic #greta van fleet fic #gvf fanfiction #gvf fanfic #gvf fic #america's got talent #the beatles #the greta van fleetles lol #is this the most ambitious crossover? maybe #also this is a pretty genius marketing tactic tbh #greta van fleet take notes pls

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