#And I've been putting it off because I didn't want to buy bigger sizes of things

[liu-anhuaming]

Reading Chinese Ebooks on 讀墨 ReadMoo

For the past few years, I've labored under the assumption that I can't read Chinese ebooks because I just can't focus on them. However, I recently saw someone on insta mention the app 讀墨. I was intrigued, and decided to give it a try. And wow, what a shock, I can in fact read Chinese ebooks! I just have to change it to vertical text and make the font very large.

So the past couple weeks I've been trying to read more consistently using 讀墨. The book I started with was slow going at first, which almost made me give up; it was the Chinese translation of The Last Cuentista by Donna Barba Higuera. This book really wasn't for me, and I didn't want to keep reading it. So instead of just giving up, I bought one more book and tried again: 《你的孩子不是你的孩子》 by 吳曉樂 (yes, it is the basis for the Netflix show of the same name).

I devoured the book in under a week. So yeah, I think Chinese ebooks work for me if I like the book.

Below is gonna be an overview of the app, and my thoughts on it so far. It's not comprehensive though, since there's a lot of things on this app I haven't explored yet (like the audiobooks).

***Please note that 讀墨 is a Taiwanese app, and as such it mainly offers books written in traditional characters. There are apparently books written in simplified available, but I haven't explored those since I'm fine reading traditional.***

Buying Books

Buying books is fairly simple. You make an in-app purchase of coins, which you then use to buy books. Note: As of writing this, I have recently recently received a notification from the app that their book purchasing system will be changing soon. Instead of being able to buy the books in the app, you'll have to log in to your account in a browser and buy the books there. The books will apparently then appear on the app for you to read.

As it stands, 210 coins costs $10.99, and the books I've bought have ranged in price from 210 to about 300 coins. That means the books cost ~$11-$16, just like a regular book. This could be pricey, but since I'd otherwise be paying for international shipping if I were buying a physical copy, this feels like a bargain to me. (For me, shipping books from Taiwan/China to the US typically doubles the price of the purchase rip)

Once you buy the book, it's in your library for you to start whenever you please.

As for browsing for books, I haven't gone too in-depth yet. I went in to 讀墨 with a TBR and went for books off that list exclusively. When it comes to buying books online, I almost always go on whatever site I'm buying from with a list of the books I'm thinking of buying. I get recommendations elsewhere (e.g., Goodreads or insta).

Reading Books

The 讀墨 reading interface is pretty typical for an e-reader app. What makes me like it way better than other apps I've used is that it has a lot more customization options.

For starters, you've got 6 options for page/text color. There's the typical black, white, and sepia, but there's also blue and green! I use the 奶綠 option, since I don't like having such a stark contrast between the text and the background when reading on my phone for long periods.

Then there's the options for changing the text size and spacing. You can make it bigger or smaller as you please, and put more or less space between each line of text.

You can also change the font. There's 8 different fonts you can choose from, including the default. There's even a font that puts 注音 next to each character! You can see a preview of that one in the photo below.

And then, there's the option to switch between horizontal and vertical text. The default is horizontal text, but I've come to prefer vertical when reading Chinese novels. If you go to your settings on your profile, you can make vertical text your default, which is what I ended up doing.

Like any good e-reader, there's options to highlight text. There's four different colors you can use (pink, yellow, purple, and blue). If you go the ToC, you can find all of your highlights and filter by color of highlight. Super convenient, since I've been using pink to highlight words/phrases I don't know or find interesting and yellow to highlight key sentences/paragraphs.

Aside from highlighting, when you select text you have the option to look the characters up in a dictionary or online. I've been getting a lot of errors with this recently, but I'm wondering if that's just my phone acting weird? It worked perfectly fine when I first started using the app. Anyways, the dictionary it takes you to is 夢典 MoeDict and it opens in a browser. This personally is a bit annoying bc I actually have this dictionary app installed on my phone, but this is a minor complaint. The dictionary opening in a new browser tab is a non-issue.

Reading Stats

Now, I'm a big dork and love to track my reading stats. To my great satisfaction, 讀墨 keeps track of some stats. The main one is time spent reading. You can set a daily goal (the minimum is 20 minutes), and if you reach it you get a nice checkmark on the calendar. The calendar doesn't update until the very end of each day, so if you've reached your goal for the day it won't show on the calendar until the next day.

Also, keep in mind time differences between where you live and Taiwan. I'm ~12 hours behind Taiwan, so the app doesn't start a new day until around noon for me.

Below the calendar, there's a chart that shows your total reading times for a week, month, or year. I normally can't be bothered to time my reading (especially not when I'm reading physical books) so this is cool to see. I think when it comes to reading in Chinese, being timed is more interesting because I'm able to more clearly gauge progress.

And below all that, there's a breakdown of the genres you read. I don't pay much attention to genre when choosing books, so I don't find this one quite as interesting.

(tfw you're reading a non-fiction book about a tutor so your main genre becomes 教育)

Overall Thoughts

So yeah, I've enjoyed myself so far. Aside from the reading interface, I find the app pretty easy to navigate. I spent a bit of time just clicking around and was able to figure out what's what pretty quick.

Like I said, this isn't a comprehensive review, but I'd recommend giving the app a try if you're willing/able to put down money for ebooks and are able to read traditional. It feels worth the money for me, since the interface is pretty customizable and easy to use.

If you're wondering where to find simplified ebooks, idk. This is my first real foray into Chinese ebooks, so I don't really know where to find them for simplified or traditional. I have heard that it is a little easier to pirate Chinese ebooks since their copyright laws are a little different than ours in the US?

#langblr #mandarin chinese #mandarin langblr #chinese langblr #learn mandarin chinese #learn mandarin #learn chinese #mine #books

[gender-trash]

Hi! I have been interested in learning how to make sewn in hardcover books, but whenever I look for guides, they are people just making themselves a sketchbook with not a full on cloth bound hardcover, etc.

Additionally - when trying to find what are good beginner supplies am struggling to find what is recommended. Book boards on Amazon that had reviews saying it was too flimsy... bookbinding kits online that literally have the same waxed thread as leatherworking kits etc,, no idea where to find unwanted linen thread....

There was a gentlemen who teaches bookbinding at sca events id reached out to, but hadn't heard anything back because I'm sure his schedule has been busy.

I know this is a huge ask, but do you have any books or websites or guides you suggest for learning any of these things and for learning what to search for? If these things are listed in a tag or faq, I am sorry I didn't see them when I did a cursory search of your blog after I saw your bookbinding critique post that petermorwood reblogged

YES HELLO JOIN USSSSS!! reject the tyranny of Big Book*!!!

* in the "publishing industry" sense, not in the sense of binding a really thicc boi (which is both allowed and encouraged)

my main recommendation is to check out @renegadepublishing's resource links page (and join the discord if that's your vibe!) and in particular @armoredsuperheavy's tutorial for doing a basic case-bound hardcover, which is how i bound my first hardcover :3 or if video tutorials are more your jam, people on the discord really like DAS bookbinding's youtube channel. also! if you ever happen find yourself in san francisco, definitely take a couple hours to check out the bookbinding museum -- they have a bunch of examples of different binding techniques you can hold in your sweaty little hands and stare at until their secrets are revealed to you >:)

i won't certify that these are good supplies recommendations For Beginners but here's what i use:

lineco (acid-free) book glue you can find on amazon, but i also really like glue stick and double-sided tape formats which are less messy. i love these silicone brushes for applying glue because you literally don't have to wash them you just let the glue dry and then peel it off later. very satisfying

lineco's little packages of linen tape are so fucking overpriced :/ i got a couple rolls from burnleigh & trowbridge a while back and it's literally exactly the same stuff but way cheaper per unit length (or if you don't want a whole roll you can buy it by the yard)

you can also get unwaxed linen thread and beeswax off burnleigh & trowbridge but i ran out and switched back to cheapo prewaxed linen thread (it works equally well!). (i assume "unwanted linen thread" was a typo for "unwaxed linen thread" but if you are using linen thread you absolutely want to wax it -- otherwise it is Badly Behaved)

i bought linen cord (not needed for just A Basic Hardcover but fun if you want to experiment with medieval cord bindings) from talas (which is a specialized bookbinding website that also sells bookcloth and stuff)

this is a nice little beginner kit that comes with an awl, a bone folder, and a punching cradle that will fit half-letter books (it's annoying how you have to constantly screw and unscrew the little clamping screws but it IS functional). for bigger stuff i also have this punching cradle (i had to glue some sacrificial board strips to the bottom to actually get enough room for the awl to punch a decent sized hole, which is annoying). please send a signal flare if you find a Secret Good Punching Cradle...

i actually don't really like any of the book boards i've used so far either, which is maybe because i've been buying cheap crap off amazon (most recently this, which was far too thin; i always wind up gluing two pieces in a stack and then it always curls up even though i put it in the clamp and i Don't Like That). i plan to experiment with museum board soon and i will attempt to keep everyone updated on how that goes

also not a Beginner Supply but this is the beast i refer to as Madame la Guillotine and i love her so so much

wrt book clamping, i am VERY NEARLY DONE making a fancy-ish wood clamp with my dad, but all of my bookbinding has been done with a combination of scrap plywood, random thin hardcover books i don't like, woodworking clamps, and just leaving things under a heavy textbook while the glue dries (my go-to is CLRS)

i hope this helps you in some way!! please keep me updated on your bookbinding endeavors i wanna see what you make :O

#the trashcan speaks #devil venerable also wants to exploit the memoir class for evil purposes #< is my bookbinding tag if u want to read more #sorry. it's not very self-explanatory :/

[moongothic]

A relatively quick and quite experimental crochet project to kiiinda start the year off; a crochet bag from scrap yarns! (And other scrap materials now that I think about it)

So I had some yarn left over from my blanket of darkness (I can't believe the rounds that post is making, what on earth), one untouched ball of black yarn and then three balls of yarn I had used misc amounts of. I knew right away there wouldn't be much yarn there for any big project, I did kinda considder just making myself a simple scarf but right now I'm actually in the middle of knitting four scarves to give out to family on Christmas* so between the reality that I probably wouldn't wear a striped scarf in these particular colors and me having enough scarf projects to do anyways... yeah, the idea wasn't particularly appealing

*(GOTTA GET STARTED EARLY, also it's the misc yarn I bought when our yarn shop was shutting down, the stuff I have no idea what to do with. Currently on Scarf 2, I'll probably share photos when all four are done. Eventually. Knitting is slow. So slow I had to do a crochet project between the first two scarfs because I was losing my marbles.)

Now I have Instagram so I can post art there once every six months, I'd hardly considder myself like an Insta user, but sometimes it is kind of nice to browse the things Insta reccomends because there are some lovely things posted on there. A while back, this post of these crochet bags got reccomended to me and they have been haunting me ever since. Like look at them, they're really pretty. And yeah, when I was wondering what I could do with these scrap yarns in particular... The idea of trying to make a bag seemed really fun

And specifically, making a crochet bag with a lining on it, so it'd be like, actually kind of usable. I've never made a bag, not a crochet one nor a sewn one, and I didn't want to up any tutorials or help on how to make a lined crochet bag either, I wanted to just wing it and figure it out by myself (for better or worse) (mostly worse)

So I started the project by just making the actual crochet part of it

This whole thing involved a lot of math, trial and error to figure out the Max Size of the bag I could make (also I wanted to a round bag for some god forsaken reason) with the yarn I had. I didn't have too much of this specific yarn, and I didn't want to buy any more, just use what I already had.

At the time I thought it'd be a good idea to make the "backside" of the bag a plain black, since not only the largest amount of yarn I had was black, but also because it'd be the "inside facing side" that you'd theoretically never see if I wore the bag. In hindsight I regret that decision but we'll get back to that later

I did try out a few different color layouts, tested how many stripes of what colors I could do with the yarn I had (again, math), for some reason this was the one I liked the most though (don't ask me what the numbers mean I can't remember anymore) (something about the stitches/rounds), though I did add one more round since I had just enough yarn for it

But, here is how my pieces turned out. At this point, I had no yellow yarn left and only a Very Very Small Amount of white and black, not enough to do any more rounds or make the bag or the bottom piece bigger/longer, but just enough for some sewing later on

But, with the pieces completed, it was time for me to do the lining

I've had this black fabric for years now, I got it for some project that I never actually did so it had been just sitting around, collecting dust for years, so I'm glad I finally got around to using it.

I laid it down, put the crochet pieces on top, traced them and cut 'em ✂️✨ Followed by sewing them together, a process I did not bother to take photos of because it wasn't particularly interesting.

((Also I had to take a massive break at one point because I realized I really actually needed my mom's serger but that thing was covered in decades worth of tobacco, dust and grime so it needed to be cleaned bad. There was no way in hell I was putting my fabric pieces on that filthy thing. (Also I've never used a serger before so I had to look up tutorials how to use it jdfhjkdfg)))

Once I had put the lining together I washed it (just to get any excess dust and cat hair off it) and ironed it ✨

It looks like an absolute mess, lmao, you can tell I don't do sewing (it almost looks like a tulip... And man, a tulip shaped bag could be super cute...)

But it's fine, because this lining's getting covered in crochet pieces >:)c So ain't nobody gonna see the wonky sewing once it's done! (Also to be fair, big part of the reason it looks horrendous here is because the fabric itself was like, quite floppy. Like there's nothing to hold it up and keep its structure and shape at this point)

Now, one important thing needs to be addressed here. Although at the time I thought this was the best way for me to make the bag, in hindsight I know I should've done the opposite.

I thought it'd be easier for me to first sew the fabric together and then sew the crochet pieces on top, mainly because I believed it'd be harder for me to try to do sewing if the fabric pieces also had the crochet pieces attached to them. Like they'd add bulk to the fabric and increase the risk of me sewing over the crochet and somehow damaging the crochet and/or my sewing machine (or something, I dunno).

And while in theory that might be true, I now know that I would've gotten a much nicer, cleaner looking bag if I had sewed the crochet pieces onto this fabric first, because then I would've been able to add an extra inner lining. You'll see why that would've been prettier a bit later

I just want to point this out because while the way I made the bag works just fine for me, it's not the ideal way to do it, it's not the smartest nor the prettiest way to do it, and I can't reccomend it to anyone. Just wanted to give out this disclaimer, do as I say, not as I do lmao

Anyway, with the lining done, I started working on attaching the crochet onto the fabric with the bottom piece, first pinning it down and then hand sewing it onto the fabric.

Then I did the side pieces. I was careful to start from the middle of each crochet piece, slowly moving outwards to the edges as I was attaching the pieces, leaving the edges unsewn for now...

...because next, I wanted to sew the crochet pieces together. The crochet had more stretch to it, so I figured first sewing them together and then attaching the edges of the crochet to the lining would result in a cleaner look.

Sadly I didn't have much/any yarn left to so I couldn't crochet the crochet pieces together, somekinda slipstitch would've looked much cleaner and prettier, but with the little yarn I had left I didn't want to risk running out in the middle and having to unravel it or something.

So yeah, not particularly pretty, but it worked. And with that done, it was time for me to add a strap to the bag, before I'd go finish sewing the crochet pieces onto the fabric! You'll see why I did this now!

So I had some random ass, thin, black yarn leftover from... something, so I figured I could use some of that up and I did! I made tiny crochet straps and slipped small metal rings (from my mom's hoard) on them, and sewed them onto the bag

Specifically sewed them onto the fabric, didn't want them to be visible on top of the crochet lining (which is why the edges around the bag's opening were still unsewn at this point)

And in the spirit of using things I already had, I have these two straps from one of my old goth pants (though they're actually shorts now). And they just happened to be like, the perfect lenght for an over-the-shoulder bag

No the metals don't match but beggars can't be choosers and it's fiiiiiiine. What matters is that I got a free bag strap without having to make one >:)c

One last thing I did was add some buttons to the bag to hold it closed. I wasn't originally going to add anything but when I tried the bag on, I realized it was just a little too floppy on the opening. I didn't want to try to figure out how to add a zipper or anything, so I grabbed these ancient buttons (from my mom's hoard) and sewed three of them onto the bag, so it holds its shape better

Finished sewing crochet pieces onto the fabric and finished up the very very outer edges as well, and the bag was pretty much done!

Indeed. The inside looks like ass. Although it's mainly just the white yarn that I used, since I didn't want the sewing to be too obvious on the outside I tried to match the thread I used for the sewing to the part of the crochet I was attaching. If I had an inner lining, the inside would look much nicer since all of this would be hidden underneath it, but at this point there was no way in hell I was going to rip these pieces apart just to add a lining, nah, it's fine, it's good enough for me and good enough for my first bag. But yeah, if you want to make a bag, learn from my mistake here

But, with all that done, the bag was done!

And yeah, here you can see why I regret doing the colors the way I did. More specifically, I regret making the bottom white. Like, I thought it would look cool and interesting, and I thought it'd be a waste of the white yarn to use it on "the backside" (the side noone would ever see), and I didn't have enough yarn to make the bag symmetrical on both sides (at least not without severely down playing the part of the yellow yarn in the design).

But in the end, because the bag doesn't hold its shape SUPER WELL, it makes the bottom piece more visible than I expected it to be. Like sewing on the crochet parts did add some structure to it, but it doesn't hold the tin cookie jar shape the way I had hoped it would. So the bottom is much more prominent because of that, and because the bottom part has like, some interest to it with the contrasting colors and whatever, it draws in the eye even more. Like, I really should've just made the bottom piece pure black and used whatever leftover yarns I had to make the backside of the bag.

But, it is what it is. I've made my mistake and now I get to learn from them!

In anycase, here is the bag, despite looking like an absolute mess and not turning out the way I had hoped it would, it still turned out pretty cute.

SHEER COINCIDENCE, I realized that I had this ancient little extra pocket thing (possibly from the same old goth pants as the strap, though I'm not sure, I can't remember) which just HAPPENED to be the exact same size/width as the bag. Like, I did not plan for that at all, but it's the perfect size, so I can straight up just keep the pocket on this bag and use it as an extra, separate compartment if I need one. Lmao, what are the odds

Also the strap from my old pants really is like the perfect lenght for this bag (/me, since I'm short, and it's not adjustable or anything)

Weirdest thing about this project is that it hasn't made me want to make more crochet bags, but it did make me want to learn to do embroidery so I could make custom embroidered bags jkdfhjahgfdg

(Disclaimer, the yarn part of the bag is 100% wool, I don't want to have to deal with washing it, and I don't want to get it dirty, so realistically, I am never going to wear this bag outside dfjghsdjfgh)

#Mine #Yarncraft Diary #Yarnblr #Crochetblr #Yarncraft #I shall now disappear into the void as I go into Knitting Jail

[bellythems]

🌘 I was in the nearby town today gathering more ingredients... the store owner seems confused as to why I've been buying so much food because he knows I live alone... told him family was visiting, he doesn't suspect anything. YOU on the other hand have been the talk of the town. Your outing with your partner caused quite a stir. I heard chattering among people, they think you're overdue with triplets! It's almost cute hearing them try to guess, knowing the truth. One of them wondered if you would ever come back, while the other said surely you would be off, resting after having SURELY given birth by now... it would be thrilling to see you waddle through town square again, to prove her wrong.

One of them seemed to question it, seemed almost off put by you... I suspect they might have been able to heard the voices themselves, maybe just faintly enough to trigger a fear response. On one hand, it's probably best to leave them alone and not draw attention, but on the other hand... they could be of use, if they're able to sense them too.

Of course, I could just be overthinking it... maybe they just were afraid you'd pop then and there, or they didn't like seeing stretchmarks. You do look immense by now... I'm curious to see how much bigger you can get...

I think about going back into town every day. I want them all to gawk and marvel at my deliciously massive size to the point that it haunts them when they sleep. I want them to catch themselves thinking about touching my bare belly in their idle thoughts. I want the few who are vulnerable to become obsessed despite only seeing me in passing, shamelessly touching themselves to the thought of my form.

I can’t deny that my belly by now is grotesque. It’s disgusting how large and full I am, but it’s so ugly it’s beautiful again. It’s something they would never understand unless they heard the whispers and understood the important task I’ve been given.

But I should show them. They should know to love and worship my babies when they arrive, if they do. I should go into town again, even though it’s getting harder to walk…

[lizardtaro]

Eel-Dog & Q-Taro (feat. Spike)

Look, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. 2023 was a horrible year. I accomplished absolutely nothing and work was stressful like it's never been. I still wanted to treat myself though for pushing through. Eel-Dog and Q-Taro give me comfort whenever I feel bad. Looking at their cute design gives me strength and hope. Hope, that someday, things will get better. I felt like this when I was still going through my apprenticeship in 2013-2016 and found hope in fictional scenarios and media (such as Henry Hugglemonster back then). And when I indulge into a medium, I usually get merchandise to show it off. To show the world who I am. To find like-minded people and maybe even make new friends (hint: that hasn't happened yet).

So this year, I decided to go on a shopping spree again by buying things with a shopping proxy service. Here's the stuff I've gotten!

An Eel-Dog T-Shirt! I really like the pink design. It is the smallest of the T-Shirts I got, but thankfully it fits me (barely). It's a very tight fit though, so I don't think I can even wash it or put it in the tumble dryer - it might be so small afterwards that it won't fit me anymore. This T-Shirt was described as medium-sized for women. All the other T-Shirts in this haul are bigger, so they will naturally fit me.

Next up is this beautiful Q-Taro T-Shirt! The design on it is minimalist and definitely way more subtle than that of my custom-made T-Shirt. This T-Shirt is officially licensed. It's described as being medium-sized (probably for men, as this one is much larger than the first one posted here).

Look at these two Eel-Dog shirts! Their design is very similar, but there are some subtle differences though! Eel-Dog's lips seem to be more voluminous in the left photo, and the artwork is differently-placed. I will cherish them both! Can't wait to wear it in the summer (and get weird looks and questions: "What the fuck is that thing on your T-Shirt?").

I almost didn't buy this one because the design is so bland. But when I saw Eel-Dog's cute tail on the back, I had to get it. There was no way around that!

This mug is officially licensed and features amazing artworks of Q-Taro and O-jiro. Other than that, it's just a cup for coffee or tea. As I drink both quite often, it will come in good use. I do have two other Q-Taro cups though - custom-made, as posted here.

Next up is this Q-Taro key chain. There's some signs of usage, but it still looks good. I'll probably just put it in the glass cabinet though and not worsen it's condition by actually using it as a key chain. There's a serial number printed on Q-Taro's... um... underside?

Here you have a muesli bowl. Or an egg holder cup. Or... I don't even know. But you can put food in it, and that's what's important! I am surprised that tableware like this arrived in one piece, all the way from Japan! Then again, the parcel was very well-protected, so...

Aren't they absolutely lovely?! As lovely as they are, don't get too close with them, as they are filthy and in need of a good cleaning. I'll put them in the washing machine later and hope that they will survive unscathed. Doronpa is currently undergoing the procedure and you can't hear him scream.

The Q-Taro on the right is really big when compared to the others. (The hair on his lips is NOT mine, it came like this. Eww. There's also a long hair on his back.)

Oh. This is Spike. You know. Spike. From Mario? No, not Spike The Foreman! That other Spike! Now I can finally make him and Q-Taro kiss. Oh am I looking forward to this!! ;)

These last two items were a failure. I thought of these things on the left to be bags, but I was wrong. These are just plastic bags with Eel-Dog's design on them, containing one-use handkerchiefs (in black, without Eel-Dog design). What an absolute failure! Included is a handwritten note, probably mocking me for being this stupid.

On the right you can see an Audio CD containing the soundtrack of the 1990 version of the Bakabon anime. I was very disappointed when I found out that the song I was searching for isn't even included! Grrr... at least it was reasonably priced. It only cost me like €10 when on Amazon Germany people sell it for six times the price, at €60!

Well, that's all for now, folks! All in all, I'm really happy that everything arrived in very good condition, and that it all arrived before Christmas even! It literally only took like two days to ship it from Japan to Germany, which is insane! Thanks, DHL! Customs duties also weren't as high as I expected. Though I will tell you this: when shopping over a proxy service, be prepared to spend a lot of moola. The item's physical worth don't even come close to the price I paid. I would say that, if this stuff was readily available in Germany, you could get all this for 1/5 of the price I paid. Customs duties, domestic shipping in Japan, handling fees and the actual shipping costs to Germany all add up and inflate the price. That is something to be considered. Also consider that there are assholes trying to rip you off on Yahoo! Auctions and Maderake. They might sell something for a low price but then ask you to pay €300 for domestic shipping! Thankfully I didn't fall for any scammers and domestic shipping was actually really cheap.

#q-taro the ghost #eel-dog #little ghost q-taro #オバQ #ウナギイヌ #オバケのQ太郎 #merchandise

[hardlyinteresting]

Ask and you shall receive: here are my personal headcanons about Laszlo's house and the Kreisler Institute

(Minor spoilers for season one, I've added a read more, so no one reads them by accident! 💕)

I would assume that Laszlo inherited his family home, he could have sold it. but I feel as though that wasn't really the norm for that point in time. And I think that especially in higher society him selling the house would raise some eyebrows. "Gilded Age New York" was an interesting time period and there was a weird focus on buy property in the city and stuff, I just don't see him selling the house (I'll come back to this).

And between him trying to keep his father's abuse hidden, and his unresolved trauma I don't see him selling it. With the amount of money he has it was absolutely a large, grand home so it would be a great place to open an institute.

The house that he lives in I don't think is his family home, it's far too "modern" both the furnishings, but also the actual architecture is all art nouveau which is definitively a style of the 1880s and 90s. And while he could have renovated, Laszlo doesn't strike me as the kind of man to renovate his home to match the latest fashion. I think that he purchased the home in that period.

Also, we've established that Laszlo is wealthier than John and Sara both. I would say that Sara's house is much larger than Laszlo's though, or at least the rooms we see in it. John's house is his grandmother's townhouse (this is not the Moore family home), but we know that his father is still alive and either in new york city or just outside the city, I believe John's family home is also much larger, similar in size to Sara's if not slightly bigger. John's grandmother's house is closer in size to Laszlo's. Following this logic, if the Kreisler's are wealthier than the Moores and the Howards, the Kreisler family home would be at least as large or much larger than theirs. Thus, I reiterate, Laszlo does not actually live in his family home. So what happened?

I imagine he lived with his parents until he went to Harvard when he had a dormitory. Then he probably rented a flat in New York City until his father was put into the old age home that we see him in at the end of the season. Laszlo took over the family finances, opened the institute in his early 30s and bought his own home (the one he actually lives in).

Also, the institute has notably older architecture than his own home, and while it would have been renovated for the needs of an institution, it also demonstrates that Laszlo isn't interested in trends. the rest of the building like the library and office are not renovated. The hallways in dark wood panelling etc are not new, if he wanted to get on a trend they would be modernized as well but they're not.

The little laboratory off the side of the library is art nouveau style but not in a fashion-forward kind of way, more of a standard building style for that time. But I also assume his family home didn't have an existing laboratory, so it makes sense that a room that was renovated is in that style compared to the rest of the home.

you can see that some of the architecture is still a bit older, even in the lab, but the parts updated to serve as a laboratory; the tiled floors, new paint etc are art nouveau. The colour scheme, white and green, pink accents are definitively art nouveau, unlike the rest of the building.

A really great example is the green colomn in the lab. Here's a photo of a similar one in a FULLY art nouveau home, and while the ones in the lab are MUCH simpler, you can see the similarities in terms of style:

As I said though, none of the institute is fully art nouveau, only bits. (Laszlo's actual home is fully art nouveau and I will absolutely go through with screen shots and break it down if you want???)

My friend @exit-goat also pointed out that when we see other institutions throughout the series, they are nowhere near as homey as the Kreisler institute. And while that might just be because of the environment Laszlo is trying to cultivate, it's also just that the architecture is that of a home.

I also love the idea of Laszlo using his family home for the institute for a couple reasons: one, what a massive f--- you to his father, opening a sanctuary for troubled and abused children in the very home his father had so much power in. Two, in many ways Laszlo cares so much for every child there, in many ways the institute is raising them, so in a way, they're all his children, it's appropriate that he raises them in his home.

Let me know if you want me to expand on this or anything similar in the future, I'm studying interior decorating, and I'm very interested in set design for film and tv, and historical interior design so I'd be very happy to talk more about it!

#laszlo kriezler x reader #daniel bruhl x reader #laszlo kreizler #daniel bruhl #the alienist

[calamitycailynn]

got a little something special for yall today- a revamp of a poem I posted a while ago. I've been tinkering with it for a while cause I originally wrote it when I was still in highschool. I hope you all enjoy!

Eating disorders are funny that way 2.0

I remember when I was a kid I use to long to look like all the beautiful mannequins my mother and I would walk past while we spent weekends scouring the mall

I wanted to be perfect like all the models I saw in the magazines, while my sister got their hair cut with the pretty bodies and pretty faces

I wanted to be strong too, strong like my mother, a woman who could tote around 3 kids like it was nothing, who could hoist 50 pound bags into the air like they were weightless

I remember when I was a kid I wanted to feel beautiful and feel perfect and feel strong, and I remember how it all actually turned out

I was 12 years old, I had just started puberty and it's wasnt going very well, I was underweight and anemic and short and my body was betraying the image I had for it, the image of those perfect models and beautiful mannequins and my strong mom the world as I knew it was ending for me, atleast that's what I thought.

the thing about being little as a kid, and I mean really little, I mean weighing 85 pounds on a good day, I mean being 4 foot 8 for 5 years, I mean your friends measuring the length around your wrist with their fingers , when your that kind of little everyone tells you gaining  weight will fix everything,

like once you do you will suddenly sprout into womanhood and be who you're meant to be. like an extra cheeseburger at dinner will change your life, and when your that kind of little you tend to believe them, you'll do anything for it to be true, you'll force yourself to gain weight and forced yourself to over eat, force yourself to keep going even when you were full no matter what it did to you in the process

I was 14 and starting highschool, I was still short but i atleast had boobs and hourglass figure and I wasn't so thin, the day i broke 100 pounds everyone was treating it like a miracle, treated me like I was finally someone worth looking at, finally someone worthy of attention and so I didnt stop eating, because look how far it had gotten me in just 2 years, look at how everyone took notice, at how everyone finally started loving me, at how I was finally not the weird girl, the thin girl, the ugly girl

I am 17, I hate my body. isnt that funny,I went from being over the moon to drowning in its currents, that's what happens when you start equating a big meal with being loved, you keep growing even when you don't want to, keep getting bigger when your were prefect 30 pounds ago, thats the thing no one seems to tell you about how bodies work, is that having a big butt and big chest is great but that it means your bound to be bigger in other places too.

I am 17 and I hate my body, i hate the weight I've put on but my entire life food has been the one thing that was always there, an ever present comfort, food has been my best friend for years, it has given me everything I wanted but now it is taking it all away again. but nobody even notices because to them i looked fine, but to me, to me all i can remember is the models from the magazines at the hair salon and the mannequins from the stores at the mall and my mom and her amazing muscles and when i look in the mirror all i see is me

when your 12 and 85 pounds having a big appetite is funny, but when you 17 and 145 your appetite is no longer the topic of conversation,

when your 12 and everything you wear hangs off of you, you just buy smaller sizes, but when your 17 and busting out of shorts that fit you last month it doesn't matter, cause you didn't like them any way

when your 12 and underweight your mother worries herself sick but when your 17 and barely holding on to your self image you aren't allowed to talk about how unhappy you are in your body, because some must have it worse, someone must weigh more, as if the number on the scale was even the problem to begin with

as if the depression and anxiety wasn't the bigger picture, as if being a teenager in this world wasn't the bigger picture, as if the eating disorder no one seemed to notice wasn't the bigger picture

eating disorders are funny that way, it's not always not eating or purging when you do. sometimes it's never stopping, sometimes its needing food when your bored and when your tired and when your sad and when you anything. sometimes its eating all day long but hating yourself for it.

sometimes it's waiting as long as possible because you know that once you start you will not stop, because when you grow up being told to gain weight and being told it is the only thing that will make your pretty you grow to rely on food for everything. to eat past your limit because it will make you beatiful. to have bigger meals than necessary because it will make you perfect, to always have something to snack on because it will make you stronger

you grow to need food because it was the only reliable thing you had up until it started stabbing you in the back, you grow to eat without even realizing. eating disorders are funny that way, sometimes only you realize you have one but you cant stop because in your head you are still that weird thin ugly 12 year old and maybe eating can solve some more of your problems

#dont repost without permision #poemsdaily #slam poetry #yikesitscailynn #long post #daredevil #d20 #riverdale #aesthetic #marvel #maurauders era #harry potter #spider man: no way home #spiderman #legit anything so people will see this #i just wanna be seen #i want people to read my work #ill do anything tumblr gods #im really proud of myself #cmon guys

[blueskyscribe]

Beast Machines: Some Observations on Toys

So I think most TF fans have some notion of the usual arguments about BM (the BW characters being out of character, etc), no matter which side of the argument you fall on.

But I would like to point out how weird BM was as a show tied to a toyline.

The Toys for the Leaders

These were the toys for BM Optimus Primal and Megatron:

Optimus' figure was small and not show-accurate and was one of the weakest BM figures for its price point.

Megatron was even worse. He was TINY (but they sold him at the pricepoint of a bigger toy lololol) and just . . . bad. Look at that dragon tail just hanging off his elbow.

Megatron is supposed to be the Big Bad of the show!! If they didn't want to make a new, big mold for him then why not recolor his final Beast Wars toy (the huge dragon) and sell that again? "Oh dear, I hate my organic dragon form. Buuuut look how rad it looks now that it's silver and black."

You might be thinking, "Wait a minute, I've seen a big, cool toy of Primal that looks just like he did on BM. And I've seen a toy of Megatron as a head-spaceship."

Those toys exist, and they are cool. But they're not Beast Machines toys. They were sold in the Robots in Disguise (2001) line, which came after BM.

The point of a show like Beast Machines is "Child sees character on TV, immediately begs parent to buy representative toy". Not "Child sees character on TV, begs parent to buy a representative toy in three years after show is over."

No Size Consistency

Listen, I don't think the toys need to exactly match the show characters. But I think it's very weird that Nightscream, the bat, ONLY had an Ultra size toy. That's huge compared to his size on the show.

My other main issue, Megatron and Optimus having dinky toys, I've already touched on.

They Skipped the Dinosaurs

Did you know there were Beast Machines Dinobots? No, not Dinobot, the BW character, but Dinobots, like a faction. Their backcards explained that they were formatted using memories / data provided by Dinobot's spark. So it was like Dinobot was reaching out from the afterlife to help his friends.

First, that's a cool and touching idea. Second, they were awesome toys THAT WERE DINOSAURS and yet were never in the show. Even though kids love dinosaurs.

I can't believe we missed out on surprised Pachycephalosaurus with pop-up head.

The Dinobot leader was a repaint of original BW Megatron, which could've played into the whole "BM Megatron hates beast modes now", like he'd be personally enraged to see that. Also, a lot of these could easily have been adapted from BW character models.

The New Guys Deserved Better

There was no way every toy-character could / should be in the show. (It didn't happen in Beast Wars either.) That would be way too many assets and too many bots to characterize well. So I understand why we just had a small crew of heroes fighting Megatron and the Vehicons.

But maaaan, I wish we'd had different heroes from what we got.

First, it would've sidestepped all the "Are the BM bots out of character?" debates. (The answer is yes, btw.) Second, I just think it would've been nice to get to know new characters. Third, a lot of coolest toys never got any screentime.

Silverbolt, who had the worst BM toy, with his head peering out of his crotch in bird mode and wings that looked like a stupid cape, got to be in the show.

But not this cool bull.

Or this cool snake.

Or this cool UNICORN.

Just . . . what a waste.

What I Would've Done

Okay, so here's what I would've done if I had to keep the general premise (the Big Bad has taken over Cybertron and only a plucky group of survivors can defeat him and his Vehicons.)

1. The Big Bad would be Nightscream. This is so obvious it blows my mind. His toy is huge and bats freak out a lot of people. Just change his robot-mode head so it looks villainous instead of emo.

His motivation wouldn't be related to organics, it would be something like . . . he's siphoning off the energy from Cybertronians' sparks to become a god or summon Unicron--you know, anime bullshit.

2. Nightscream has taken over Cybertron via some kind of electrical macguffin, like a stasis grid that covers the planet or something. TFs are lying around the streets in permanent stasis.

But then! Optimus Primal & crew (with Megatron tied to the roof) literally crash into the planet. The crash disrupts the grid in a small area and some TFs awaken from stasis. They start exchanging info with the BW crew. Their sparks are so weak that they have to be transferred to new bodies to re-energize them, so the BW crew uses the protoform pods from Earth--which have been pre-programmed with an encyclopedia of Earth animals, which is how they get beast modes.

But then the stasis grid is put online again. A handful of Cybertronians escape--mostly new guys, but maybe one or two of the BW Maximals. Megatron also escapes.

Maybe over the course of the show more BW characters are rescued and added to the cast. But mostly it's focused on these new guys.

3. I would have half the new guys be Maximals and half be Predacons, for some inter-faction tension. (And ROMANCE?!?!) Nevertheless everyone knows they have to work together to defeat Nightscream.

4. If they really want to sell the crappy tiny Megatron toy, they could have him try to cut a deal with Nightscream, but then Nightscream backstabs him and dumps him in the mini body to mock him, idk.

5. After that Megatron decides he's really going to give it his all to defeat Nightscream. And he decides the way to do this is to clone Dinobot, because he LOVES cloning Dinobot. So he tries, but instead creates these other dinosaur robots. They have Dinobot's independent streak, so they flip Megatron the bird and leave.

6. The Dinobots are also trying to stop Nightscream, but they're constantly messing up the plans of the Predacon/Maximal group, and vice versa.

7. But in the end the good guys win. And they sell a lot of toys.

#Beast Machines #Beast Wars #Transformers #Dinobots #long post #toys #headcanons #I can't believe they managed to make a snake TF that looks that good #and then SQUANDERED them

[guigz1-coldwar]

'A hand on your heart ': New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"A hand on your heart"

"Don't worry, Yiri, I'm here, I'm protecting you!"

Chapter Summary: The common decision of Park, Zasha & Portnova allowed Yirina to slightly get better despite the bad moments still here but the nightmares aren't going to left her...

Link of the Picrew used !

To read it on AO3, click here!

Words : +3200

Taglist : @snowgoldwaylon , @clxudtea , @efingart

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July 9th, for three days now, I was no longer alone in the apartment with Beans. Park, Zasha & Portnova were now staying with me to make sure that the seizures weren't becoming too much frequent because of the last one & my state wasn't declining. They were making their best to improve on how I was and the only thing, for me, it was...making me smile but also sad too, their kindness could have made me cry the first day they stayed here and I managed to hold back my tears...it was touching me at my highest point...

How I was feeling since they were here? I was getting better but the bad moments were still here: moments of having a panic attack at some time of the day despite that the others were present, moments where I was absent, staying up for minutes without doing anything before something or someone got me out but it was becoming less present over the following days and the third day, nothing bad happened at me when the night came, meaning that my mental breakdown was nearly done and tonight, the four of them were playing some...

"Bullshit!" It was Portnova's voice who spoke up against Park who said that she was having 2 aces in her pack of cards in her hands. Zasha was, of course, the one who wanted to play the game.

"Okay, let me see you," Park taunted her with a clear voice, smirking at her as she took out a card of her pack. "One," She said, showing to her perfectly the card to us and putting on the pile of cards in the middle of the table we were.

"You're lying, I can see..." Zasha scoffed, thinking that Park was lying, joining Portnova before their mouth closed after they saw Park taking another card...another ace out of her pack before putting it on the pile.

"You were saying, Zasha?" Park looked at them with a smile before she put her eyes on me, who was patiently waiting my turn with my pack that was neither little nor too big, just a medium-size compared to the other one. "I think that I wasn't lying," She smirked, her eye moving to Portnova.

"That's a first for you," Portnova told her as in fact, this was the first time that Park managed to fool her in the game. "Maybe the last," She added as she moved her hands without showing any signs of being a bad player, taking the pile of cards and mixing it in her own.

"Things are changing, we'll see about it," I stated, knowing that it was my now my turn and honestly, my cards were a bit of a mix of the deck, a very weird mix: I've almost got everything in between my hands. "Okay, three valets," I started, looking at the three designed cards and peaking my eyes away to look at the other, not saying anything at all.

I thought that they were going to accuse me of 'Bullshit', surely already waiting for Zasha or Portnova to do it but it didn't happen, the trio staying silent at me as I was taking out the designed cards and putting them on the middle of the table, making a new little pile of cards that now was waiting to be filled up again of others cards of the deck.

"No one accused me?" I asked them after I was done, looking surprised.

"You weren't lying, you got those three valets in your pack after I accused you of 'Bullshit'," Zasha replied to me, having analyzed through my pack of cards that I wasn't lying...weird..."And besides, if you were lying, you wouldn't have taken any cards," They scoffed to me.

"And of course, ruining you the fun of seeing the others get more cards while you got less?" I questioned them, looking at them with my head slightly on the side, my eyes a bit wide to them. "You'll see that we can win against you," I asserted that objective to them.

"You can...dream," They smiled at me & Park, knowing well that the two of us were trying to get Zasha down and giving them their first real loss, as friends. "Good, good," They sniffed as their hands were spreading their pack to take a closer look at it even if there weren't any needs to...since their pack was small. "Two knights," They announced and like me, no one spoke up to accuse them, letting them put their two knights in the pile of cards in the middle.

"We're waiting for the good moment, don't worry," Park exclaimed to them after they posed the last knight card on the pile, giving a discreet wink at me.

The game was slowly continuing and the pile of cards was getting bigger as the others were playing their cards and also drinking the coffee that Portnova made for everyone and it was a bit distracting Zasha, knowing their taste for the coffee but they were still staying cautious, me & Park awaiting the perfect moment to caught Zasha off-guard to make their pack bigger and us, smaller.

"My turn, soon to be winner," Zasha joked as the game was looking to reach its end, them having now only 6 cards between their hands as I was having 8, Portnova 10 & Park 7, the situation was looking rather hot. "2 queens," They said but then...

"Bullshit!" I spoke up but at the same time as Park herself, making us look at each other in surprise but exchanging a smile as we thought the same thing at the same time.

"Let me show you this," They protested but I was seeing a little drop of water appearing on their forehead...uh...they were lying..."It's a bit hot in here, did you raise the temperature?" They asked obviously Portnova, even gesturing to adjust the collar of their shirt with their left hand.

"Zed, play!" She ordered in a funny tone, her face realizing that they were trying to avoid the subject.

"Come on, show us your 'two queens'," I demanded, even gesturing to them that I wasn't buying it and now, it was like me, Park & Portnova were looking at them with a serious look, obligating them to show us their pack, and then, they resigned to show it entirely, not having any queen. "Yes, I knew it!" I almost cheered up and going up from my chair, amazed by it. It was looking like a little victory as the game wasn't finished yet but it was meaning a lot, having succeeded in not bought successfully Zasha's lie in a 'Bullshit' and making them lose the advantage.

"Seems that someone is happy now," Zasha mumbled, looking in defeat at the pile of cards in defeat before their eyes went back on me. "That was a first but maybe the last,"

"She isn't the only one, Zasha," Park joined me in to be happy about that but we were meaning it as friends, not making fun of them.

"Same for me," I was surprised when Portnova also joined us, realizing that she was wanting to see Zasha been rightfully accused of 'Bullshit' and she even smiled at them. "Come on, you couldn't be staying undefeated," She reassured them in a good voice, putting her right hand on top of theirs.

"Yeah, for just once, it's not that bad," Park added to Portnova's statement. "I hope that it isn't going to stain our friendship," She hoped for that, putting her cards upside down on the table.

"Zed, it's just a game but at least, we can admit that it's fun," I stated, moving back next to the table and staying up, putting my hands on it as Zasha slowly grinned at us.

"Well, at least, as you said, it was very fun," They told us, putting a smile on everyone's face as they got their pack of cards in the middle. "You know what? We're saying that you win," They affirmed but I shook my head.

"No, the game isn't finished yet," I stated to them, knowing that the game could only finish until someone has no more cards in their hands.

"And me, I'm offering to you the victory, you deserve it," They said, going up from their chair and looking around the table to see the numerous pack of cards and the cups of coffee on it. "And since, it's getting late, we should get to sleep," They advised, making me look at the clock, seeing that it was almost midnight.

"I agree with this," I said and everyone nodded, Portnova moving to gather everyone's cards in a  single pile as Park was taking the cups in her hands to get them in the kitchen.

"I'm hugging Beans, and then, on my way to med," Zasha exclaimed, walking to reach Beans that was asleep on the couch, deciding instead to slowly caress the top of her head while I was watching them. "You should go get to sleep, Yirina, you need it,"  They suggested to me, checking me up from top to bottom.

"Don't worry, I'm..." I was going to continue until I yawned nearly loudly inside the living room, covering my mouth with my right hand. "Well, you're right," I raised my shoulders, that yawn as a sign that I was tired of that even if we didn't do anything big...except that game. "I'm going then, have a good night, Zed, and you too, Beans," I waved at them both, Zasha returning it as Beans responded by meowing at me.

Now looking tired and yawning, I decided to walk out of the living room to join our bedroom, not forgetting to salute Portnova and telling her good night as I told Park that I was going to bed before resuming my walk to get to our bedroom in a slow pace as my brain wouldn't let me walk faster and I think it was all for the better of myself, and then, I was entering the room, closing the door behind me.

I then start to undress, removing only my shoes and my jeans even if today, I didn't get outside as I was still not ready for this, leaving only my blue shirt on my top before I decided to put myself onto the bed, getting under the white sheets and looking up at the ceiling, my hands poised over my chest above the blankets as a few seconds later that I was installed that Park came in without a word.

She wasn't saying anything and me too but the main thing I could perceive on her face was a smile, probably still thinking of our little victory despite that the game never actually ended properly but it was still a victory for us. After taking off her clothes and putting them next to mine on a chair, she walked to her side of the bed before getting on it.

"You're okay, Yiri?" She asked me curiously as she installs herself inside the sheets, feeling her fingers along my right arm.

"Yes, I'm good," I replied to her, removing my eyes from the ceiling to look at her, seeing her face as her right hand was going over my shoulder. "But as you know, I'm still fearing each night about my nightmares," I told her clearly about it.

"I know, you try to not think about it but it's still coming," She suggested to me and I nodded.

"It's...I don't know why there are things that I couldn't remember right when we were both captured by Perseus," I stated, referring to my last nightmare that happened two days ago, reliving a scene where two Perseus doctors were analyzing me as I was under some drugs effects on a stretcher. "As if I did lose what happened those days," I added.

"Me too, I can't remember what happened during those days to me," She joined me into that statement as her hand was slowly caressing my shoulder. "I'm fearing about what they could have done to you & me, I'm just...scared," She admitted to me as her eyes were looking flowed by tears but not crying.

"We're scared, Park, we're both scared," I confessed to her, both having been through hell before her hand moves slowly on my shoulder, arriving gently below my shirt above where my heart was.

"Tell me if it's not okay, I will remove it," She said as my heartbeats were now felt inside the palm of her hands, her fingers crossing along with the scars above my heart. "Do you like it?" She asked me as her fingers were slowly stroking along my scars.

"Yes, can you keep it on me?" I demanded at her as it was like comforting me to have her hand on me and especially above my heart.

"Yes, I will, don't worry," She responded before she moved to get closer to me and keeping her hand above me, making me move my right arm around her. "Good night, love," She whispered, her voice very low and speaking away from me.

"Yes...good night too," I muttered, landing a kiss on top of her head before I looked up again at the ceiling, Park's head above my shoulder and her touching from her right hand on my heart to comfort me as I was now trying to find a moment to get myself to close my eyes and sleep...

...but I was knowing that my sleep wasn't going to be easy for me inside...

My mind was waking up by the sounds of some music inside my ears and when I tried to open my eyes, my vision was still looking black despite seen a little, meaning that I was blindfolded and my body...my arms & legs were tied up with ropes, impossible to move my hands without hurting myself, the ropes feeling very tight around my wrists and the only thing that was disturbing me...was that music, having a headset on my ears.

That music, it was sounding American and it was saying the same thing, over & over again, 'Staying alive, staying alive,' in a sort of bad loop every 20 seconds, and my head wasn't feeling great to hear that particular music, moving it slightly away to make that headset away from my head but no movements could allow me to remove it...Staying alive...staying alive...what I could only hear now...staying alive...

Suddenly, the headset was somehow removed from around my ears, still able to hear the echoes of that music in them before the blindfold that was covering my eyes was also removed, giving me a clear sight of where I was: the interrogation room with a TV at my vision...and in front of it, there was Stitch himself, just him, no one, not even Freya with him....just him...staying alive...

"Enjoying the music,  Grigoriev?" He exclaimed through his mask, looking at the headset he was having in his hands.

"Stitch...fuck...you..." I tried to gather my voice to give my thoughts to him but he moved the headset away to put his hands on my chin.

"Always been in the bitchy attitude, no wonder that you betrayed us," He told me, making me look in his eyes and I wanted to spit on his face but I couldn't. "All these years...just to become the CIA's puppet,"

"I...ain't for the CIA...fuck them," I proclaimed, telling him the truth as he got his hands away from my face to look at me, standing up. "I hate them," I added as he turned around to me, looking at the table nearby.

"The only thing that we got in common, me & you," He said, putting his hands on a knife that was on the table and taking it. "Sixteen years ago, Adler took an eye out of me, fulfilling my hatred against him and the West, he took...my left eye," He looked closely at the knife before turning his head to me. "I would have like to send a message to the others, you know, an eye for an eye, as they said but it's all old-fashioned business," He sighed before getting the knife back at its spot.

"Old-fashioned...talking about that...or your clothes?" I tried to scoff around but I was surprised that he didn't react violently to me, even hitting me, slapping me, or hold me by the jaw.

"Keep getting funny, it will not help you," He asserted, clenching his right fist at me. "It's not because Wraith isn't here that I'm not allowed to hurt you," He added to that warning.

"Where is she? Why are you doing this?" I asked him, not actually waiting for an answer from him.

"She's insisting that you are needed to come back at our side," He responded nonetheless to me, getting at my level. "Honestly, I would have let you die in the Yamantau but now, it's actually better to get inside your head," He added.

"You...stop this," I ordered, trying to move my hands but only hurting me with the ropes, my voice pleading at this max, exhausted, my whole body exhausted. "Let me go...stop this...make it stop," I pleaded.

"You know that ain't going to happen," He admitted, causing some tears to appear in my eyes. "Oh, you can cry, no one is here to save you, not even your British agent," He continued, breaking a little laugh through his mask.

"Park..." I whispered her name, not wanting to have her harmed.

"Quite a story to heard about, you know?" He told me, joining his hands together as my head was trying to slowly shake, feeling a bit dizzy. "It's because of her that you...decide to stay with them, it wasn't Adler, it was her...only her...right?" He demanded at me but my head was looking down before he pulled me back up, looking at him again "Right?" He asked loudly.

"Yes...yes..." I answered in a low voice, causing him to release me again from his hand. "Don't...hurt...her...not her..." I pleaded about that but he wasn't listening that he got something out of his tactical vest... a picture...

"You might know his man, I believe?" He showed me the picture...discovering on it...Lazar...himself, a sort of identity picture, not smiling...."Eleazar Azoulay," He said, knowing his name as my head slowly nodded. "It's your fault that he died, right?"

"No...no..." I muttered, looking at the picture as I heard Stitch lamenting for Lazar's death.

"You could have saved him...but you saved her instead..." He sighed, looking too at the picture. "Looking better here than when we saw the pictures of his dead body...oh, I have them," He revealed to me and I wanted to close my eyes to it but it was too late as he showed below me...pictures of Lazar's dead body...things labeled by the CIA...stolen...

"No...please...stop..." I ordered him but Stitch was insistent on showing me them.

"You left him to die to save her, you're useless, only thinking about the less important things," He exclaimed in a serious voice, putting his left hand behind my head and making me look up to the pictures closely. "You're useless, you can't save your friends...you can't even save yourself," He continued before he got his hands away from me again, and then, he put several pictures of Lazar's body at my feet.

"Remove them, I...it wasn't...please...no..." I spoke up, taking rapid breaths but Stitch was fainting to not hear me at all, moving to grab something on the table. "No...please..."

"I can say that MK-Ultra did make a good work on you, easy for us to repeat the process," He talked to himself as he was holding a syringe in his hands, tapping on it to check its content. "Some magic words, drugs, hypnosis & music and we know how to do it," He said as he looked back at me, getting my head down in defeat.

"Fuck...you...Fuck...you," I cursed, using my remaining strength inside of me to insult him as he put his hands on my shoulder.

"A CIA product...becoming a Perseus one, let's see how it goes," He breathed before he injected the needle into my left shoulder before pulling it out, my body starting to feel weird, wanting to sleep...anesthesias. "Bell, we have a job to do," He raised his voice to say it, making my head to shake away, wanting to stop the echoes in my head before he put the blindfold on my face, along with the headset. "Good sleeping...and enjoy the music,"

This was the last thing I heard from him before his voice was replaced by hearing the music of that torture, my mind alternating between calming itself and freaking out as he said the key-phrase to me as my body was slowly giving up on me, part by part, starting by my legs as it was slowly going up, that music still echoing inside my ears...staying alive...staying alive...staying alive...

I wanted to keep up to fight the effects of MK-Ultra but the drugs that were inside of me, the injection that Stitch did to me in my shoulder, the key-phrase...and the music...staying alive...staying alive...it couldn't help me to fight it and slowly, I could feel my eyes close hardly, my whole body shutting down now but my ears still hearing that music...staying alive...staying alive...

It was impossible to fight the effects...staying alive...impossible...

#cod bocw #cod cold war #cod black ops cold war #cod cw #call of duty cold war #cod #call of duty #cod bell #black ops cold war #fem!bell #yirina grigoriev #helen park #bell x park

[theonlyjourneythatmatters]

Another day, another pound

So I know I said I was going to post yesterday, but I had a very long day and I was tired, so I didn't feel like it. I've struggled this week with motivation and energy and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because of this heat- I don't know.

But with that said, I'm here now. And I've learned a few things! As I've said before, I am no expert and do not claim to be. I just know what's been working for me and that I can share that knowledge and experience with ya'll. So here we go.

What I learned this week:

It's better to get your bulk calories in at the beginning of the day. Breakfast should be your heaviest calorie meal. If you prefer a light breakfast, then focus your calories at lunch. This is because you're more likely to work off those calories during the day than you are at night after dinner. I know a lot of people prefer a heavy dinner- but this is a major reason why that weight doesn't come off like you want it to. You're not burning off those dinner calories!

Everything you do burns calories. Well, I didn't JUST learn this- I've known this. But for some reason, it didn't click! So don't think ONLY strenuous exercise will help you burn calories. Of course, exercise will help you burn them faster in a shorter amount of time, but if you can't get to the gym every day, you're still burning calories.

My apple watch tracks everything. I wear it from the time I get up in the morning til I'm ready to lay down for the night. And what's better than counting my steps? It counts the calories burned, too! Adding this at the end of the night helps me keep a better estimate of what I've taken in vs put out for the day for calories. Do yourself a favor- invest in something that keeps track of that (watch, fitbit, etc). It is well worth the money especially for weight loss.

Sundays are for meal-prep!!!

I meal prep for the following week(s) on Sundays. I typically prep every other Sunday for my work lunches. I do -not- meal prep for dinners.

Every Sunday, I prep my snacks for the week (usually strawberries and blue berries). If there's a new item I want to eat, I'll prep that up as well. Today, I wanted to add cabbage soup to the work lunch mix. SO, that's what I did. I made it in the instant pot, so this is the instant pot recipe- but this can be adapted for a regular stove top. I included pictures for reference so ya'll can see the sizes.

I also decided to meal-prep some breakfast; which I do not normally do. But the meal replacement shakes don't seem to be working as well as they had been previously, so I'm going to retire them for a bit.

Cabbage Soup

Ingredients:

2 heads cabbage, medium; chopped in large chunks

3 pieces of thick sliced bacon (I used Great Value brand); chopped and cooked

1 15oz can tomato sauce (Great Value)

1 bag Premium matchstick carrots (Bolthouse Farms- 3.5 oz bag)

1 sweet Vidalia onion, medium size; chopped in small pieces

1 tbsp. of the following: course sea salt, ground black pepper, onion powder, garlic powder, Slap ya Mama Cajun seasoning (or Tony Cacheres- I like my soup to have a bit of a kick, but you can decrease or increase this amount to suit your tastes)

7 cups water (divided- explained in steps)

Directions:

Put the instant pot on sauté and set for 20 minutes. Chop the 3 pieces of bacon into bite sized pieces and begin to cook them until brown. (I cooked mine a little longer so the crisp wasn't completely lost in the soup)

While the bacon is cooking, start cutting up both heads of cabbage. Cut them into 1-1 & 1/2 inch chunks after removing the core. Set aside in large bowl.

Once the bacon is cooked to your liking, add 1/2 cup of water to "deglaze" the pot. This gets up all of that stuck-to-the-bottom flavor that you need. DO NOT DRAIN THE BACON. We need the grease.

Begin to add the cabbage a hand full at a time, making sure it mixes with the water and bacon pieces. Allow each batch to wilt down some before adding the next batch. Continue with the cabbage until it's all incorporated. Once complete, add 1/2 cup of water.

Add the carrots and mix with the cabbage and bacon mixture.

Add all of your seasonings into 1 cup of water and pour over the top of the cabbage. You can mix it now if you want to, or you can wait.

Set the instant pot to pressure cook, and set for 10 minutes. Once the 10 minutes is passed, allow the pot to Natural Release for another 10 minutes. After the Natural Release is done, use the manual release. * NOTE: this is a dish with a good amount of liquid. Use a potholder to dish towel to put over the valve when you do the manual release to avoid any splattering liquids.

Once the pressure is released, stir the soup and taste test it. Add any seasonings you feel like it may need.

Chop the onion into small pieces and add it to the soup. Add the entire can of tomato soup, and 5 more cups of water. Stir well. Pressure cook for another 2 minutes and allow to Natural Release for another 10 minutes. Give it one last stir and taste test, and enjoy!

Step one: Sauté the bacon. Ya'll see all that bacony flavored goodness stuck to the bottom?? We WANT that.

Step two: Cut the cabbage. Size isn't that important- but you do want bigger pieces as cabbage likes to shrink!

Step Four & Five: Mix the cabbage and carrots and allow to wilt a little bit

Finished product: big bowl of deliciousness

This recipe yields 20 cups of soup, which is 10 full servings. There are 48 calories and and 4.8g of proteins in a single cup of soup- but I recommend 2 cups being the serving size.

*This recipe can be changed to fit your specific needs. I do not add meat to mine other than the bacon, but you can add chicken, stew meat, etc. You can also add different veggies. I sometimes add canned diced tomatoes but I didn't have any today. Just be mindful of the added calories and adjust the recipe to reflect that (especially if you're using a calorie counter that allows you to create customized meals).

I got 6 meals out of it (would have been the full 10 but I only had 6 available soup bowls); my husband and I had a bowl each, and so did my son. There was some left but no one wanted it so it got thrown out. It was delicious and filling. And the best part? SUPER low on calories! Most soups are; and I will be adding more to my blog as I make them! I make a knock-off Olive Garden Zuppa Toscano, so that might be my next endeavor!

Breakfast:

For this meal-prep, I used eggs, Conecuh sausage links, bacon (same as the one I used for the soup), and sausage patties.

Breakfast # 1: Scrambled eggs, thick sliced bacon, and Conecuh sausage

Ingredients

2 eggs, scrambled

1 tsp butter (I used Country Crock Churn Style)

1 tsp shredded cheese (I used shredded Colby and Monterey jack Great Value brand)

1 oz Conecuh sausage (you can use any type of sausage- I just prefer this brand)

1.5 slices of thick cut bacon (Great Value brand)

Course sea salt

Ground black pepper

Directions

Make 2 eggs, scrambled with butter and whatever seasonings of your choice

Add the cheese to the eggs when they're almost done cooking

Cook the bacon in the air fryer for 6 minutes (time varies depending on how crispy you like your bacon)

Cook the Conecuh in the air fryer for 7 minutes

Put the eggs in to a freezer-safe bowl

Cut the Conecuh and bacon into smaller pieces and put on top

Freeze

This recipe yields 1 full serving. It has 295 calories and 20.5 grams of protein.

Breakfast 2: Scrambled eggs, Conecuh sausage, and sausage patties

Ingredients

eggs, scrambled

1 tsp butter (I used Country Crock Churn Style)

1 tsp shredded cheese (I used shredded Colby and Monterey jack Great Value brand)

2 sausage patties (I used Tennessee Pride)

1 oz Conecuh sausage (any brand, this one is just my preference)

Course sea salt

Ground black pepper

Directions

Make 2 eggs, scrambled with butter and whatever seasonings of your choice

Add the cheese to the eggs when the eggs are almost done cooking

Cook the sausage patties in the air fryer for 8 minutes or until cooked through

Cook the Conecuh in the air fryer for 7 minutes

Put the eggs in to a freezer-safe bowl

Cut the Conecuh and sausage patties into smaller pieces and put on top

Freeze

This recipe yields 1 full serving. It has 481 calories and 29.6g of protein.

But enough of the recipes......

Like I stated previously, it's important to get the bulk of your calories during the day so you have the opportunity to burn them off. I've just been walking. I walk at work, I walk around the house- when I shop, that's when I get a lot of steps in.

Granted, walking doesn't burn a lot of calories. However, if you have your tracker on, throughout the entire day, you'll have burned at least 1 full meal off. It is also especially important to stay hydrated. Water no only helps with cutting down muscle pain (when you exercise), drinking a full 8 oz of water before each meal and after can help you feel fuller faster, and feel fuller longer.

I purchased a QuiFit 1 Gallon Water Bottle from Amazon. It arrived today and I plan to use it at work. I have the worst time drinking enough at work. The water from the sink tastes funny. We have a fountain that fills water bottles, but and don't always remember to bring a bottle of water that I can refill later. The simplest solution was to buy a water bottle and keep it at work.

I think that's all for today, guys. I have school work to do! I'll make a post later next week (unless something cool happens before then that I need to mention) that details what types of foods I eat for dinner since I do not meal prep those.

Have a great day, and thanks for reading!

XOXO, Lauren <3

[mcytagere]

Omg!! I love cats! I may or may not have quite a few cat themed items because they're comfy n super cute.

I also have two cats myself, lil floof balls that are currently racing up and down the stairs even tho it's 5am -_-

Do you have a favourite cat breed by any chance? I love Maine Coons cuz they're super big and fluffy. Bigger cat means more to cuddle :D

Also🎈 anon! Your taste in soft toys is awesome! I stand by the idea that everyone should have at least one stuffed animal of some sort regardless off age. Heck, I'm not a regressor/a child and have 2 torso sized stuffies that I love.

One is a smaller owl but has a glitter beak/glass eyes so more for cute aesthetic than cuddles but my mum got me a larger grey bunny with a blue bow for easter. It's the softest thing I've ever owned and I love em!!

Didn't expect to ramble so much about teddies lmao. Tempted to buy a metre tall Pikachu because I miss Pokemon and nothing beats nostalgia better than an obnoxiously sized plush '^_^

Anyhows, glad that you've been feeling better Ash, hopefully this last for a long while!! Hope everyone that reads this is doing well too! Gotta love everyone on this blog and they all deserve to be happy too <3

~ ^_^

What are your cats names? How old are they? What do they look like?? Everyone tell me about your cats I want to hear about your cats. And I do not have a favorite breed, because most cat breeds are actually kind of a construct. Cats weren’t selectively bred like dogs were, and almost all existing ‘breeds’ are just how certain cats evolved in certain areas, similar to what race is to humans. The shelter that I volunteer at doesn’t even put cat breeds into the system because they don’t really exist and definitely don’t impact behavior or health, unless it’s an issue of showcats being inbred. 

And stuffies are for everyone!!! I give mine loads of cuddles even when I’m not little at all, and my aunt who is like 49 and not a regressor still sleeps with a stuffed bear!! Treat yourself to big stuffies if they’re going to make you happy!!!!

#special interest infodump go brrrrrrrr #^_^ anon #anon #ask #answered

[bodyswap101]

When the desire to be like my best mate became too much of an obsession, it almost become my mate became too much to handle. I found myself buying the same clothes as him just to look like him. He was the one with all the followers. I was one of his followers, but no one followed me. It started with subtle things, like I'd go out and buy the same sneakers as him, the same shades, I even managed the same boxers and shorts. But when I turned up to his house dressed exactly like him he wasn't exactly pleased. He was the tanned blond and I was the pale dark haired one. You might think my look gave me a cocky attitude, but that was far from the truth. Any way, that day I turned up dressed exactly like him he got mad, really mad. However, that's when he said it.

”if you want to be like me, why don't you just become me then.?”

I'm was upset at first, but then he decided he needed to cool off in the shower. He stripped all his clothes off in front of me and threw each item at me in discust.

That was when I had the idea. I knew the clothes he had just thrown at me had been worn by him for at least 3 days, maybe more. I knew they would be full of, well full of him. I had a matching set of clothes, so I decided to get a little closer to him and I wanted to wear his clothes.

I stripped bare and lay on his bed, examining each item of clothing that he had thrown at me. I say examining, it was more sniffing. I slipped on his boxers feeling the warmth from his body wrap around me. Then I slipped on his slightly moist socks. Then his sweater, his shorts and finally came his sneakers. It was only at that point I realized I'd come across a problem. My feet were much bigger than his, being a size 12. His sneakers we're marked with a 9, they would never for me. I still tried though. To my surprise they went on quite easily and then I must of dozed off on his bed as the next thing I knew I had a wet guy standing over me screaming. The voice sounded familiar but it wasn't my mates voice.

”what the fuck did you do?

’what do you mean, what did I do?’

”open your eyes and look at me, what the fuck have you done?”

I opened my eyes, sat up and looked at him, only he was me.

”i was in the shower minding my own business, tugging on my dick when suddenly my hard on was gone, I finished my shower, feeling a bit deflated. You know I was almost ready to climax, but my dick instantly became soft.”

’and then what did you do’?

”nothing, I felt strange, I felt taller, but smaller, and obviously my dick just went soft. so I just got out of the shower, started to dry myself, then bam, I looked in the mirror, and Im you.’

’I can see that your me, does that mean... I'm you?’

”havent you realised yet, that's what I've been trying to tell you. Why I'm asking what you've done, I'm you, so somehow you've become me, shit man, my dick went soft because it became your dick, I've been trying to yank your dick back to life. I've touched your dick, that's just gross. And by the looks of things, you've got my hard on.”

At that moment I realised what he was talking about. Looked down at my shorts, and orgasmed, right there without even touching it.

”and now you've wasted my orgasm, you've jizzed in your shorts with my dick.”

I started to look around at my self, secretly I'm was thrilled this had happened but to him I looked concerned.

’shit man, so sorry that your orgasm was wasted. But it wasn't wasted, it was the best orgasm I've ever had.’

”but it wasn't yours to have, it's not your dick.”

’I'm sorry man, I didn't think this would happen’

”well it has, what the fuck did you do?”

’nothing really, I just wore your clothes’

”wore my clothes, that's it? What do you mean anyway?”

’when you then you tossed your clothes at me, I took mine off and out yours on.’

”so you out my clothes on, and what?”

’I fell asleep, then you walked in’.

”people don't just swap bodies like that, you must of done something.”

’I didn't I swear.’

”so what are we gonna do about it? I still can't believe I've touched your dick, I've literally touched most of your body without even realising it.”

’in a way man it's not that big of a deal, I mean you touched my dick, with my hands, its not like you've used your own hands to touch someone else.’

”that doesn't make it any better, these ain't my hands, this isn't my dick. What are we gonna do?”

’well we gotta try to swap back I suppose.’

”Too right we are gonna swap back. Don't be touching anything that doesn't being to you.”

’like what?’

”dont be touching my dick.”

’dude, I had no plans too, but I think that orgasm has made me need to use the lol, I think I'm gonna piss myself if I don't go.’

”ill deal with that when we've swapped back, your not touching it, your not even gonna see it.”

Fine, but we're gonna have to do this quick.

Take your clothes, my clothes off then, but put yours back on straight away, don't touch it, don't look at it.

I did as he said and he very quickly put his own clothes back on to my body. Something was different though, this time his trainers wouldn't go on my feet. No matter how hard he tried, they wouldn't fit, eventually I helped him and we got them on but they were far too small for him and hurting his feet.

We both went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. It hadn't worked, I was still him, he was still me.

Dude, it's not worked, we're gonna have to try it exactly as we did earlier, repeat the argument, the throwing of clothes, the shower and the wearing of clothes.

Ok we will but I'm really need to take a leak.

Ok, but I'm stating here watching you, don't try anything.

Moments later, I was back wearing his clothes, he was wearing mine, we repeated the argument and I said to him

”if you want to be like me, why don't you just become me then.?”

i Took all of my clothes off and threw them at him. I headed for the shower.

I popped back in to ask.

dude, a perfect re-enactment of the way this happened, I'm going to have to be yanking your dick just like you were.

Fine, just do it, I want my body back.

I followed his command, I assumed that as I was about to climax that my dick would suddenly become soft and if have my own body back. That didn't happen and I orgasmed in the shower. I carried on cleaning the rest of his body, which I can only assume he had done. I got out of the shower, I was still him.

I walked out of the room, and he was lay there asleep. Still with my body. I woke him up, he looked at me, and proclaimed, well it looks like we're stuck like this.

#male body swap #bodyswap #malebodyswap #male transformation #male tf #body swap #scally #scally lads

[frogsandfries]

Dumb

I'm getting another cold sore. I feel like I always get like, one, and just as it clears up, I get another. Is this what it's like to get cold sores after childhood? It's awful. Twenty-seven happy, cold sore-free years and now this. The woman who gave birth to me got cold sores. Didn't get them from her ~.~

Anyway. Also dumb: I thought my graphic novel blog was automatically posting to Twitter. Nope.

It's alright, I guess. I was going to do something when I hit fifty live frames, either go back to the beginning and start posting twice a week with recap material, or maybe just start posting this week's frame twice a week. Maybe both? Who knows.

I'm taking today to do something that a) I don't wanna, and b) I really, really need to do more regularly. Although, idk fucked if I know why I should be penciling regularly when I'm definitely not creating content freaking regularly. I need a desk or something, I need somewhere to work and focus. I should also probably start wrapping up these side projects so I'm not really distracted anymore.

Although, I saw this hobo the other day, wrapping himself in a white blanket/sheet, and--up here in the mountains, of course, the solar radiation is insane. I normally burn, but up here, if the sun feels too warm, I need sunscreen or I'll burn in about two hours. At least in Wisconsin, I could get my errands done on a hot day and not fry. Anyway, I thought cloaking oneself in a light, white, breathable layer was an amazing idea. I've also been struggling to get this plastic bag thing wrapped up. Braiding is just so painstaking and slow.

So I learned crochet chain stitch, which was really easy and straightforward. I adapted it for use without a hook because I wasn't sure I should get a hook if I'm just going to do this bag, or maybe weave more bags.

I can crochet yards. Yards. Of chain stitch just in the evenings, while out doing errands, while watching TV. My plastic bag weaving project is going to be completely supplied in just a couple weeks.

Between finger crocheting the ply for this bag and the idea of this shawl/blouse that I saw the other day, I really want to learn to crochet. Also, it occurs to me that learning how to crochet opens the possibilities of what I can reuse these bags for: We use a shopping cart right now, for groceries, but a) we want to get a car, and b) with a car, this will open up so many new usages for our little cart that can. A liner for this cart would be amazing. Currently, we have to hold onto little items that will fall through the grating. A sturdy enough liner, we could take straight out of the cart and put into either the back seat or the trunk. I could also crochet some little boxes that we could use to break up the groceries, in the cart and in the trunk. We could do the shopping directly into the big liner, and organize the purchased shipping into the boxes and layer the boxes back into the cart. This could buy us a bit more room inside the cart, since the box could sit just a couple inches inside the cart and provide structure a couple inches over the cart. And for the inevitable over-shopping that we do, compared to the size of our cart, we could have extra boxes that could go straight in the trunk.

Furthermore, I love my drink sling. I can put my boba straw in the straw slot and I don't have to warm my drink with my hands on hot days. It doubles as a cup sleeve, keeping the condensation off my hands and keeping my hands from getting too hot or cold. Also, bottle sleeves are great too, giving your bottle an extra layer of insulation, and with a strap, making it easy to keep your bottle on hand, which is so important when the weather gets hot--and doubly so in the desert.

I'm definitely not out of ideas. We can always use a really flexible hamper--my partner has managed to break several and it seems like they don't flex enough. Especially with our desire to add at least one more member to our family, a bigger hamper wouldn't go amiss.

Oooooh where to start?

Well I'm not starting any of those projects today. I wanted to do a signature of penciling, and I'm not even done with this prototype woven bag. I've got plenty to do before we can even get a car. All this pencil work will give me time to think about how I want to deal with any recapping I might do on my Tumblr.

[stardust-static]

Puppy update 🥰

So if you didn't know I got to bring this guy home early which was about two and a half weeks ago now. We weren't supposed to get him till 8 weeks which was the 16th of December, but we got a call when he was six weeks saying that he's eating solid food and no longer needs his mama. Bailey and I did research and found that puppies usually still need a mama dog to learn mannerisms from and usually they're still nursing at that age. However since he was eating solids and I have three mature age dogs to teach him, & I'm an experienced dog owner who will pretty much be home with him all the time. I thought that it should be fine. Also he was sleeping outside in a pen.. these dogs are typically farm dogs and sleep outside with the farm animals to protect them at night. I was worried he might get too used to that and not want to sleep in the house.. some people get GP'S that are a little older and they usually won't sleep indoors as they want to patrol at night. We want our guy to be inside at night. These are typically working dogs that want a job, but mostly we wanted him to be a pet and his "job" is to protect my other dogs incase of coyotes and us incase of intruders. So it wasnt such a bad deal to get him when he was still so young and impressionable. We agree to come get him. Took a spur of the moment two hour drive. Got out to the farm in the middle of no where. He handed me the other boy. I knew he wasn't mine because I had been staring at this picture of my puppy for weeks. I set it as my wallpaper.

As you can see my guy had speckled nose (its fading now :( ) so he brings me my baby who was just sleeping and he's holding him up to me by his neck fat and he's crying and I grabbed him and he nuzzled his little face into my neck and that was it. We got in the car and I held him close to me and he shook and shivered half of the way and I just kept comforting him. He flinched everytime I touched him clearly not having much human contact. Half the way home he started warming up to me and was giving me kisses and wagging his tail. Bailey and I fell in love with him. We could not handle how adorable he was. Then we finally made it home. I set him in the garage and he was still so goofy and unsure of me. Then he came to me and let me pet him and love on him. Then one by one I let the other dogs in to meet him. They didn't really think much of him at first. Next we gave him a bath which he clearly never had. He smelled like urine and there was so much dirt in his fur. He was a little angel in the bath. The next day he became more confident and started to play with all his new toys and the eskies were pretty jealous. I've made sure to give them all equal amounts of love so no one feels neglected. Wally as always is a lot of work in that department. He's got his behavior problems which have heightened since the puppys arrival. We're working on that. Fast forward to today and Winston adores him. They play so cute together and Winston will actually let the baby cuddle him. Wally just.. I don't think he knows what a baby is. He's very rough and quick to anger. Bailey and I always say that he would have made a great only dog, but he's definitely not so all we can do is correct his behavior when he's mean to the puppy. The puppy cares very little about Wally's hissy fits though. I just don't want him to learn any bad behaviors from Wally. He hasn't yet. He's honestly just a big goofy teddy bear. Such a happy little guy. He's already doubled in size. Everyday I look at him and notice him getting bigger. Today I noticed that he's getting his long coat hairs coming through. He no longer fits in our kitchen sink that we washed him in the first night. Since we did get him so young he is very attached to me. I can not leave him alone. I've been sleeping on the couch with him when Bailey has to work in the morning and he's a sweetie. He snuggles up to my face and gives me kisses to wake me up when he has to potty. He's perfect. The only difficult thing is potty training. The worst part of raising a puppy for me. Especially now that we have carpet in every room. Luckily my mom gave us her commercial carpet cleaner. I put that baby to use last night. It's coming along though... Anytime now I'll have him potty trained. I had my mom babysit him today while I worked and she said he was an angel and didn't potty in her house once so thats good! I just watch him like a hawk and try to catch him before he goes. I'm always letting him outside and hopefully he'll learn how to use the dog door soon. We just got that set up for him, though we will need a bigger one eventually.

Now let me tell you about the stressful ass day I had yesterday and about how I just wanted to lock myself in my room and cry at the end of it all-- because of my pets.

First we wake up and I let the dogs out, and discover that Wally is leaving our yard. The gate on the back side of our property is a metal bar gate with chicken wire over it. Wally pushed the chicken wire out of the way and slipped his skinny little weasel body through the bars. So we went to buy a heavier duty wire fencing to put over the metal fence. Bailey said we should bring Toby cause we want to socialize him and also get him used to the car. So we bring him and on the way home Bailey says we should put him in the trunk of my suv so he could be more comfortable and because he was scratching Bailey up on the way to home depot with his little puppy claws. So we put him back there and we're on our way to get food and Toby is in the back screaming his head off. Then we go "whats that smell?" And I look in my rear view mirror and I see our puppy Toby with his feet hanging over the backseat, paws covered in shit and he's just jumping on everything back there that he can, just really smearing it everywhere. So I'm like WE NEED TO GO HOME NOW!!! just trying so hard not to puke. Bailey is laughing his ass off. Then Toby jumps over and into the back seat. I don't know with what strength suddenly. Winston and Wally have never managed to get out of the trunk space. So now he's making his way to me and I have to reach back and just hold him in place. Theres shit all over my back seat now. I'm crying. I keep gagging. Then Bailey starts to get queezy. We're both not keeping it together. So we eventually get home. Bailey cleans the car and I clean the puppy. Then I have to clean Winston because he ate my mascara while we were gone and got it all over himself. Then as I'm letting the dogs out my indoor cat bolts out of the house for the third time this week. I didn't even go after her. I just said "so be it!". I was having such an annoying day. Then Bailey goes to get us food and I put puppy in the kitchen because I need to vacuum and shampoo the carpets. Puppy screams his head off the entire time cause he hates being confined. The cat comes home an hour later. Bailey and I eat and get to work repairing the fence. Then puppy pees later on the newly shampood carpet. Then Bailey and I get dinner and put puppy in the kitchen again. We're just there at the dinner table eating our Chili's takeout, Bailey goes to get something out of the kitchen and I just hear him go "oh...no." I just looked at him and go "did the puppy shit in there?" and he goes "yup" I say "is it everywhere?" And he says "yuup..."

There was no peace to be had that day.

The dogs woke up and chose chaos.

So today Bailey went to work and so did I.

It was the first time since getting the fence put up that I let the dogs have free roam without me being there for hours. I've been really afraid to. It my number one fear right now, them getting out or stolen or somehow attacked by another animal, but I left the dog door open and just let them be for the day and took the puppy to my parents house. We're also letting the cat come and go as she wants now, because she has been so determined to leave the house. She's constantly bolting out the door and would even rather be in the garage most days. So we're letting her be and hopefully nothing happens to her. I took the bell off her collar so she can be extra stealthy. She did go into my neighbors yard and their 5 dogs chased her away and after that she's just been hanging out on our property laying in the dirt, soaking up the sun. Theres a little dog door built into the garage door that I'm now keeping open for her.

But yeah.. like I said my parents said that Toby is an angel and they'll watch him any time and I came home to the yard still intact and my dogs perfectly fine after being alone for six hours.

I enjoyed my much needed mini break from them and I'm going to go out tomorrow as well now that I feel confident that they'll be okay if I leave them sometimes.

I guess I'll end this massive post about my animals now.

✌💖

[ep-review]

WEARABLE PUMP COMPARISON

If you're looking for a comparison of these, you are in luck because I have tried all three. I started off with the Willow, went to the Momcozy next, then ended up with the Elvie. Let's get started.

*************

WILLOW

Best point: they are leak proof.

Caveat: only leak proof if you are using bags, which will run you 50 cents each at retail price. Expensive.

Reusable milk containers?

These are sold separately, and will cost $50 for a pair. They are a little finicky and hard to clean and dry. The valve at the top must be completely clear of debris, or you'll get an orange pump light error.

Pros?

Can process milk quickly (great for fast or heavy letdowns), suction is very strong. Some people may find that it is too strong.

Cons?

Bigger, heavier, and louder than the Elvies. You can't change suction power in the app, you must use the buttons on the unit. You also cannot adjust milk volume afterwards if it marked volume incorrectly. All in all the app is very non-functional.

Most encountered errors and problems?

I get the feeling that the most common error is encountered right before you want to start the pump. An orange light will turn on at the top of the pump, and it will refuse to start. You'll have to figure out if there is something blocking the valve, or if your magnets are not lined up correctly, or whatever before you can get the session started. Once you start, it's golden. But it can sometimes take a while to get started as you take the pump apart and put it back together to try to get it to begin. I've also seen some people have issues with the hub cracking, which may or may not affect function. The good news is that Willow will replace your hubs if they are under warranty.

*************

ELVIE

Best point: they are the most discreet.

Smaller, lighter, and quieter than the Willow.

Storage bottles?

The bottles at the bottom of the hubs come with lids, and can be used for storage. Make sure you clean the lids well, there have been instances of mold growing underneath the silicone ring. I take them apart completely at least once a week for a good deep clean (use a toothpick to take the rings out, and put them back in by putting them in place then screwing it onto a bottle).

Pros?

Like I mentioned before they have a smaller profile, are lighter, and quieter than the Willow pump. The suction is quite gentle, and is said to mimic a baby's suckling. You can buy a single or a double pump, which is nice. The app is pretty good. You can change from stimulation to expression and increase suction power all in the app.

Cons?

They cannot process a fast letdown - it might leak or lose suction. Elastic nipples may have issues using the flanges as is, since the flange tunnel is shorter and suction holes are located halfway in.

Most encountered problems?

Leaking. If you have a fast flow or aren't standing/sitting upright, milk might leak between the bottle and the hub. This is the most frustrating problem. Other problems include loss of suction caused by milk backing up behind the green disk or elastic nipples blocking the suction holes. Many users purchase cushions or inserts to mitigate these issues, but find that these items need to be trimmed before they will work with these pumps.

*************

MOMCOZY

Best point: they are inexpensive when compared to the other two!

The Momcozy pumps will run you around $110 for a pair of two (be sure to look for discount codes!). This is significantly cheaper than the Elvie or the Willow which retail at $500.

Pros?

Simple, no-nonsense, they just work. No finicky parts. They basically are handsfree cups attached to their own motor. Easy to use and basically no learning curve - just pop them on and go. You can also just buy one. The freemie and maymom inserts work with the flanges without cutting. The flange is entirely made of silicone. I consider that a pro because it's so comfortable!

Cons?

I think the biggest con is that they are not discreet. The motor is a large block at the top of each unit and sticks up. The shape doesn't look boob like at all. There's also no app, if you care about that at all (I didn't). But if you're strictly interested in using these at home, why would you need to be discreet? You'll probably have to charge these every 2-3 pump sessions or so.

Most encountered problems?

I didn't have any problems with this personally. Not sure what problems it could really have, it's a very basic, functional unit.

*************

SUMMARY

Price: Momcozy

Momcozy is cheapest, running about $110 for a pair (with coupons), or you can buy them separately at around $60. Elvie and Willow will cost you $499 at retail.

Weight: Elvie

The Elvie is the lightest, followed closely by the Momcozy. The Willow is by far the heaviest unit. However, the Momcozy is a bit top heavy due to the location of the motor. Wear a bra with greater coverage if you need more support.

Suction

It's hard to judge a winner in this category because they are different. Willow is known for having extremely strong suction, and the Elvie is known for being quite gentle. The Momcozy doesn't get as gentle as the Elvie, but also doesn't get as strong as the Willow. But not everyone needs the same suction level so this is quite a personal thing.

Flange sizes

The Willow pump comes in 21mm, 24mm, and 27mm standard flanges, with only one size in the box. If you think you may need 21mm and buy from their website, you will also get the 24mm included in your purchase. (Technically the pump kits come only in 24mm and 27mm, so if you tell them you want 21mm they just throw it in for free.) The Elvie comes with 24mm and 28mm standard flanges, and both of these are included in the box. If you need 21mm, these will need to be purchased separately. The Momcozy comes only in 24mm flanges, but you can buy 27mm flanges separately on their website.

Inserts

To resize the flanges for a better fit, there are freemie and maymom inserts which will work with the 24mm flanges. In the case of the Willow and the Momcozy, most users find that they work without issue. With the Elvie pump, the suction hole comes halfway up the flange tunnel so the inserts usually need to be trimmed before they will work correctly with the pump. Some people find that they work as-is, however, so I'd advise that you try them without trimming first to see if you need to.

Volume: Elvie

The Elvie is the quietest, followed by the Willow and then the Momcozy.

Discreet: Elvie

The profile of the Elvie is smaller - the Willow is larger. Obviously the Momcozy, with the huge motor, is not really discreet as all.

Tunnel Length: Willow/Momcozy

If you have elastic nipples, the Willow and Momcozy have longer flange tunnels than the Elvie and will accommodate longer nipple stretching. The flange tunnel of the Elvie is quite short, and some people with elastic nipples find that they lose suction because their nipple blocks the suction holes. Using inserts/cushions can help mitigate this issue.

Parts: Willow

The Willow pump, if you use bags, has the least amount of parts to clean. The Willow container on the other hand, is difficult to clean and I'll tell you why - if you're handwashing most of the time, like me, the nooks and crannies at the top of the container are small and I can barely fit a finger in there to scrub it. I found the Flextubes to be annoying to clean as well because I could not fit a finger in. On the other side, the Elvie and Momcozy pumps do have way more parts, but I found that the parts are much easier to clean. The only part you need to break out a nipple brush for is really the duckbill.

Ability to handle milk flow: Willow/Momcozy

The Elvie is notoriously bad for a quick letdown or fast milk flow. If your milk comes out too fast, the Elvies will either leak or lose suction because excess milk gets sucked behind the disk. The Willow and Momcozy pumps can take much higher speeds.

Cup Volume: Momcozy

The Momcozy cups each holds 180mL/6oz of milk. The Willow and Elvie say that they each hold 4oz in their cups, but from experience - the Willow bags can hold much more (if you pump with the bags outside). I've heard of someone pumping 8oz into a bag once. On the other hand the Elvie probably holds a bit less than 4oz because it tends to think there is more milk than there actually is in the bottle which leads to the pump pausing itself. If you fill any of these cups you'll have to pretty much take off the pump and empty it to keep pumping again. The Willow and Elvie shut off automatically. The Momcozy does not.

App: Elvie

You can go from stimulation to expression as well as adjust suction levels directly in the app. And after the session is over, you can edit the milk volumes if the ones recorded are incorrect. Elvies app also has its own performance metrics which is fun to look at that describes your milk flow and total pumped volumes. On the other hand, the Willow app is very basic and just functions as a record of your pump times and volumes (which is frequently off) and you cannot edit them afterwards. Obviously Momcozy loses in this because there is no app at all.

Battery

It's hard to compare the pumps because the higher your suction, the faster the battery life runs out. From their respective websites, the Willow pump says a full battery lasts "about 5 pump sessions" and the Elvie says it lasts "about 2 and a half hours". Just comparing the two from my own experience subjectively, the Willow pump has a slightly longer battery life than the Elvie, but obviously it totally depends on how strong you set the pumps to work. The Momcozy has the poorest battery life by far. At the lowest suction and 20 minute sessions, I found it only lasted about 3 sessions.

Chargers

The Elvie hubs come with 1 charging cord each, so if you buy the double you'll get two. Same thing with the Momcozy. Both of these are USB chargers so you'll need a block to go with (they don't come with that). Unfortunately the Willow only comes with one charging cord (which plugs into a standard 2 prong outlet) when you buy two hubs which is such a weird decision in my mind. But I found I could just alternate which one I charged and it was fine.

Warranty: Elvie

I feel like this is an important topic that doesn't get compared too often. The Elvie pump hubs have the most generous warranty of 2 years from the date of purchase. On the other hand, the Willow comes with a warranty of 12 months from date of purchase. Because these are intended to be single user products, the warranty doesn't transfer from one person to the next if you purchase second hand. Therefore, this should be something you consider if you are doing so. Both companies - Willow and Elvie - cover the washable pump parts for 90 days. The Momcozy on the other hand - their website says that all items are covered by a 30 day warranty which I assume applies to the pumps as well.

BOTTOM LINE:

There is no perfect pump. Each of these three have their own issues. However, if the pump can't extract your milk, then it is useless to you. You need to know what to prioritize before making the commitment and I suggest prioritizing things that affect milk extraction, like suction power, tunnel length, and the ability for the pump to handle your milk flow speed.

If you have any other questions please let me know! :)

[forbiddenfantasies1]

Tagged by @twelvemonkeyswere and @samirant. I'm putting off adult responsibilities yet again so sign me up!

What is the color of your hairbrush?

I have a plain black one, and a bright yellow one my son bought me at Christmas.

Name a food you never eat.

Fish. None of em. And people always say "Oh but have you tried..." and the answer is yes. I've tried it, most likely. Saltwater fish, freshwater fish, grilled, baked, fried, stuffed. I don't like it. I will catch it, clean it,and cook it, but I don't want it.

Are you typically too hot or too cold?

Hot. I am so hot natured I keep blankets and jackets on hand for when my mom and sister visit because they freeze.

What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Watching the last part of Ender's Game with my kids. They had never seen it, and were losing their damn minds.

What's your favorite candy bar?

I'm not really a candy bar person, but I guess maybe a Kit Kat? Is that really a candy bar? I'm unsure.

Have you ever been to a professional sports game?

I have. I love going to games. I really miss sports. Like a lot. A LOT.

What was the last thing you said out loud?

In the spirit of honesty it was "His entire fucking face just annoys me."

What is your favorite ice cream?

My Uncle Vernon's homemade peach ice cream. It tastes like summertime and childhood and love.

What was the last thing you had to drink?

A sip of my husband's rum and Coke. He drinks Captain Morgan Black, and wanted to prove it didn't taste like spiced rum. He is correct. It honestly tastes like vanilla Coke.

Do you like your wallet?

I guess so. It is an arty, swirly thing my sister gave me.

What was the last thing you ate?

Zuppa Toscana and ciabatta bread.

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

I bought belly buddy 2.0 an outfit for part of her birthday gift if that counts.

What's the last sporting event you watched?

I rewatched the Rose Bowl game between Oklahoma and Georgia just because I was desperate. That game landed me in the ER after my BP spiked when we blocked their field goal attempt in the 2nd overtime, and left me with a migraine I couldnt shake. It was worth every penny.

What's your favorite popcorn flavor?

Just butter and salt, I guess. I mainly like popcorn at the movies.

Who is the last person you sent a text message to?

My Mama to see if she needed anything.

Ever go camping?

More times than I could possibly count.

Do you take vitamins?

No. But I get bloodwork done and my levels are excellent.

Do you go to church every Sunday?

No.

Do you have a tan?

Not overly much at the moment, but give it a few weeks. I am naturally olive skinned (but like a light olive) and tan very quickly.

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?

Probably pizza. It is a comfort food.

Do you drink your soda through a straw?

If my almost 10 year old ever sees me with a straw he will be so ashamed so I try to avoid them.

What color socks do you usually wear?

None. I tend to be in flip flops or sandals. When I do wear shoes or boots, I usually wear smart ass socks. Exhibit A:

Do you ever drive above the speed limit?

According to my driving report...yes, very often.

What terrifies you?

On a deep level, losing someone else I love, especially one of my kids or my husband.

On a shallow level, I am such a punk bitch with really deep water. There are fish the size of my car. Bigger. That's creepy.

Look to your left. What do you see?

My shirtless husband reading a book with his stupid beard and reading glasses and tattooed arms.

What chore do you hate the most?

Folding laundry. I love cooking, my husband and sons clean bathrooms, and I dance while I mop. But fuck folding clothes.

What do you think when you hear an Australian accent?

The Thornbirds. I may have read that and watched it at too young an age. It left an impression.

What's your favorite soda?

Dr. Pepper, I guess.

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru?

Drive-thru pretty much always.

What's your favorite number?

I don't have one, but my least favorite is 12.

Who's the last person you talked to?

My 8 year old. He asked me if I'd rather be able to fly or to breathe underwater. He designed them after two of my biggest fears, the sadist.

Favorite cut of beef?

Like in butcher terms? I guess the sirloin. But I like tbone steaks the most. I think.

Last song you listened to?

Ain't Too Proud To Beg by The Temptations. It came on while I was showering. It was quite the concert.

Last book you read?

The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I'm doing a 2 person bookclub with my nephew.

Favorite day of the week?

Friday.

Can you say the alphabet backwards?

I sure can.

How do you like your coffee?

Literally half a cup with the other half being either heavy cream or half and half. Then an assload of sugar. I want it super light and sweet.

Favorite pair of shoes?

I hate shoes. I wear them out of necessity.

Time you normally get up?

It varies from 5:30 to 9:45.

Sunrises or sunsets?

Sunsets. Sunrises come so early.

How many blankets are on your bed?

One.

Describe your kitchen plates.

They're big and green, with a slight upward curve.

Describe your kitchen at this moment?

Dishes in the dishwasher. Pan of brownies on the counter. There's a loud kid at the table, eating cheese dip. Another one is sitting on the floor in boxer briefs, doing an occasional booty dance.

Do you have a favorite alcoholic drink?

It is summer so I like ice cold beer at the moment. In my bar days, I liked CPRs.

Do you play cards?

My kids have become obsessed with card games during quarantine so now I'm forced to play blackjack, 5 card draw, Texas Hold Em, and War.

What color is your car?

Black.

Do you know how to change a tire?

I wasn't allowed to get my license until I could do that and a handful of other things to a car. My dad was super laid back about a lot, but not that.

Your favorite state?

I like every state I've been too so far other than a big chunk of Florida and Missouri. And to be fair I only hated driving through Missouri.

Favorite job you've had?

It wasn't a job, but my internship at an elementary school was amazing. I also like my bullshit clerk job I had where I met my husband but that's because it was super easy, paid decent for what I needed at the time, and the hot older supervisor (not mine) let me shamelessly flirt with him.

How did you get your biggest scar?

I guess my csection scar is technically my biggest, and I got it by having 5 babies harvested out of me.

My biggest noticeable one is on the back of my forearm. I had a drunk woman put a cigarette out on me many years ago. The night did not end well for either of us.

Whew. That was a lot, but they were fun questions! Most of the people I would have tagged have already been tagged so if you have been, consider yourself tagged again. And if you haven't, consider yourself tagged if you want!

#adventures in tagging