#And my interpretation of how this played out to validate that journey wouldn't be the same for everyone but has been for some

[thoughtfulfangirling]

I just rewatched the Matrix recently, and of course there’s so much metaphor and symbolism in the movie that each re-watch, it’s fun to overthink everything. I’ve already had a couple of viewings in which I’ve focused on how Neo’s story is a trans narrative and how him ‘being the one’ in many ways is about him discovering himself. It’s a narrative that I think easily stood up before the Wachowskis confirmed it, but obviously is generally easier to spot and analyze with their confirmation.

This time however, I found myself focusing more on Trinity and the romance plot. Let me first just make a disclaimer that this is me reading super into the movie and that I know that in a surface reading, none of this stands up. But if we say... go down the rabbit hole a little of what these themes in the movie could be... well, I obviously feel there's some grounding for it.

In many ways, the romance in this movie is fairly traditional, but in other ways... it's just not. Neo never pursues Trinity in any way. In fact, he generally seems completely oblivious to the possibility that Trinity could be interested in him. Contrast that to Cypher, who feels entitled to Trinity, I think it's worth noting how there's an implication that at some point, he thought he could be The One. He clearly also knew what the Oracle told Trinity about her relationship to the one. And yet while he pines, there's this feeling that he is acutely aware that it's impossible that she would never be interested in him.  

Not only though does Neo seem almost to imagine Trinity could never be interested in him and Cypher has a resentful belief that she would never be interested in him, even Trinity acts arguably strange about the whole thing herself. There's an air to her reaction to the concept of 'The One' and her prophecy that while she wants it to be true and believes so much in Morpheus she will, it seems truly impossible to her. She holds it close to her chest and struggles so much with accepting how she feels, that there just feels like there's more going on under the surface. And with the narrative of knowing that Neo can stand in as a metaphor for a trans woman, I couldn't help but read in this viewing that Trinity is a lesbian. She's a lesbian who was told by the oracle that The One would be the man she falls in love with. The Oracle names things as they are in the moment, telling Neo he's not the one. So it makes sense when she saw Trinity that she would refer to him as he sees himself in that moment. But if being The One is also the story of him coming into realizing trans-ness, then it's no longer so strange that a lesbian would fall in love with The One.

Neo discovering himself as The One is the culmination of many things. The battles to get Morpheus back, to fight the agents, but also even Morpheus saying to Neo after he gets rescued, "There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path" is a reiteration of the Oracle's statement that he has it in him to be The One, but it seemed he was waiting for something. He has to choose to embrace it, to live it, and he starts down that path at least by the time he faces Agent Smith in the subway tunnel, declares his name is Neo.

But if we imagine for a moment that Neo was aware that Trinity was a lesbian (she strikes me as the type who wouldn't hide it) or even assumed as much, it would make sense he might just assume that like gravity keeps one grounded, her romantic disinterest in him was obvious. But the moment she whispers to him that he has to live because she loves him, one might see how validating, how solidifying, that could be. How he could start a new life. 

I think it was the scene where Cypher had her on the phone, revealing his betrayal, that the headcanon solidified. She cares so deeply for these people, and the actor so well manages to convey her despair as her friends begin dying, but she remains so steady and calm on the phone. She has this steel in her and an unwillingness to let Cypher see how much he's breaking her. And he takes a new tact. He taunts her about the prophecy, seeming to mock her for this destined love. It almost seems to say 'do you really even know yourself?' He's questioning her very sense of self because he wants to hurt her for not making herself accessible to him. He wants to punish her for making room for Neo and not him.

(*The spouse pointed out after watching that it struck him in this scene how Cypher is literally on top of Trinity, speaking to her, looking at her, making her his entire focus, whereas to Trinity, Cypher is just a voice on the other end of the phone. To Cypher Trinity takes up so much space, but it's the opposite for Trinity. Just a neat observation. )

In less tangible ways too, there's something about the way Trinity is played and filmed that felt queer coded. That could just be that it was written and directed by queer people though I admit. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

To be fair, I will also admit here that I was happy to look for something that made the romance plot more palatable. To be fair to the movie, I do think it's done in a way that feels fairly organic to the plot, like it's saying something. But on the surface, it can feel pretty par for the course cinematically. So I found it enriching to go looking for a way that the romance would be saying something bigger than what other movies use it for, that further added to the metaphor, and this is how I parsed it for myself to make that work, and I felt like sharing in case anyone else would find it enriching too. Okay mostly to explore these thoughts more fully, but hey, if someone else finds this heightens their enjoyment, then hell yeah.

Thinky thoughts

#headcanons #I have a feeling this isn't particularly new #but it is to me! So I'm writing about it #Also Utena spoiler here but -- definitely I felt prepped to read into Trinity this sort of dynamic after seeing people's headcanons #that Nanami is a lesbian who had *feelings* for Utena that made her uncomfortable and lash out be misdirected in her affections #It's far from a one to one but media literacy often feels like an exercise in connections made in other things #But yeah this movie is so fun to overthink #Oh also please note that I don't think the metaphor of this being a trans narrative for Neo is meant to encompass all experiences or even #the most common #And my interpretation of how this played out to validate that journey wouldn't be the same for everyone but has been for some #lesbian!trinity #trans!neo #thinky thoughts #the matrix #trinity

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What would be the best time in the books for the Jasper/Bella path to happen? Is there a particular moment in the books that you have in mind that with a couple of changes, could lead to the timeline where Jasper/Bella happens? Any particular moment where Edward's being his worst, Edwardiest (lol) self with Bella, and the change could be Jasper happening upon this and realizing that hey, something isn't right here?

Thoughts on Jasper/Bella.

Well, anon, you're almost asking me to write a fic here. The answer is with enough elbow grease and prose, a good author can convince their readers of almost anything, including the validity of Bella/Jasper wherever they see fit. So, I think this would be up to the individual author.

But if you're asking my opinion then I suppose I can put on my outlining hat and see what comes out.

Note that here I assume I'm not playing dirty and that we're going with canon as how I interpret it. So, no changing Bella on the side or Jasper on the side to make this work.

Muffin Chooses a Point of Canon Divergence

There's a couple places more obvious than others to me.

New Moon

Edward leaves, abandoning Bella, and she becomes an utter ruin who has to build herself up from the ground up without Edward's help. By the end of the novel, right after she jumps off the cliff, she comes to realize Edward will never come back and she has to move forward (coincidentally, Alice comes back right at that moment and Bella can shove that thought out the window).

In canon, it's Jacob's friendship that helps Bella build up the pieces. But their relationship had its very rocky moments as well, notably the period where Jacob also appears to abandon her.

This is where Jasper could come in.

I do think Jasper would leave. He has no reason to stay and given his overwhelming guilt over what happened, he wouldn't want to. Any attempt to force that would just be OOC ridiculousness.

However, there is the question of "What about Victoria?" In canon, Jasper ends Twilight thinking she'll be out for revenge and that they should not have let her get away. They're going to regret that. However, I imagine he thinks she'd be after the coven rather than Bella, especially after they leave Bella, and it's not really his business.

And he wants to go with Alice, especially as she's on this journey of personal discovery that is bound to be extremely painful. He didn't abandon her in the middle of that in canon.

However, here's where we can diverge. Jasper and Alice's relationship is an utter disaster, and more Jasper is wracked with guilt over what happened. He could hear from Edward that Edward lost track of Victoria and is now bumming around uselessly in Rio. Jasper might consider it his personal responsibility to take out Victoria, as a means of making amends not only to an unwitting Bella but to Edward whose love life he ruined.

Alice approves, as this might help improve Jasper and Edward's relationship and she feels awful over Bella as well, and tells him to get gone. She can do this self-discovery thing on her own. Jasper's not exactly happy about that but he goes and lo and behold, his search brings him back to Forks.

Where he happens to show up right around the point where Jacob has been ordered to cut all ties with Bella. If the fates are really with us, Jasper's the one who murders Laurent.

Bella's overjoyed to see him, tells him what Laurent just told her, and Jasper realizes that "Oh shit, Victoria's after Bella." Well, he can't interrupt Alice's journey and he doesn't want her in harm's way, so he has to call up the other family members to keep an eye on Bella while he goes hunting.

Bella nearly vomits in terror at the idea of having to face the Cullens after their rejection and Jasper realizes this girl has some deep, personal, trauma to work through.

Trauma is worked through, dirty secrets of Edward's are slowly revealed, Alice's dirty secrets are also slowly revealed (in just how much she knew/how much she enabled comes out), the newborn army thing probably happens and the Volturi show up and also turn Bella as Jasper's excuse was that he personally couldn't do it, Edward eventually shows up scary as hell which Alice enables, and Jasper realizes Alice wasn't what he thought she was while Bella realizes the same with Edward.

Betrayal is the word of the day here but eventually this could lead to Jasper and Bella finding solace in each other.

Breaking Dawn

Bella is pregannant and has her first terrifying disagreement with Edward where she actually has to protect herself and her child from him. If anything was close to breaking Bella out of her romantic fantasy: it was Edward in Breaking Dawn.

Now, in Breaking Dawn, Bella turns to Rosalie due to her knowledge of Rosalie's past. Had she not heard Rosalie's story, she would have had to turn somewhere else and I doubt Rosalie would be her first thought.

She might choose Jasper due to having protected her in Phoenix that one time and being a very competent and scary fighter. If she does, Jasper is faced with the heady responsibility of having to protect this pregnant woman from her husband while knowing that he may have to very well murder her child when it's born.

He's going to be an utter mess.

However, he'll pull through and have to make increasingly awful calls as tension keeps wracking up. Something has to be done about Edward, about Jacob, about the wolves in general, about Bella's health conditions, about the Volturi who are watching for any slip.

Due to this new position of responsibility, and due to how much Edward loathes Jasper, Edward probably won't be in the picture when Renesmee is born. Bella is devastated as her husband has left her, even when their daughter turns out to be beautiful. Then, of course, there's the Irina disaster. In canon, Jasper and Alice leave to go on a quest to find Nahuel (though also, perhaps, to get out of dodge on the off chance they don't find a miracle in South America). In this world, Jasper sees Bella who is utterly broken, and he can't do it. He can't leave with Alice.

This breaks them apart as I imagine Alice has a Drusilla type vision in which she dumps Jasper before he can dump her. It's an utter mess.

Bella/Jasper can be made to happen though.

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight headcanon #twilight shipping #twilight renaissance #bella swan #jasper whitlock #bella/jasper #meta #headcanon #opinion #shipping #ludicrousloopylozza

[chemicalpink]

hi, sorry to butt in, I saw you mentioning in a post how tarot should be used as a bonus explanation for a synastry chart. I'm curious, as someone who also studies and is interested astrology, I have never seen 'soulmates' aspects being mentioned or specific set of aspects indicating that (at least not from accurate/professional sources). are those trines, conjunctions? wouldn't that be too general since petty much anyone born a few days or even weeks apart all over the world would have an almost exact same chart full of conjunctions? there are many people who are born at the same time too so it kind of defeats the purpose of finding the 'one' when there are many people similar to us out there lol imo i wouldn't say astrology is a good tool to predict spiritually related connections, or predict couples unless they are already involved with each other

hii so as usual, please let me put my disclaimer here

Disclaimer: this opinion/rant is based on my experience with astrology, I am obviously a mere mortal, so I do not hold the absolute truth. Astrology is a constant learning process and it is, open to discussion and interpretation of each astrologer. This is just how I’ve come to perfect my astrology readings and so far it has worked that way for me. 

So first off, astrology is just one of the many parts that come into play when it comes to “detecting” a soulmate, as we all are multidimensional beings, astrology does not automatically dictate your interpersonal relationships, it just shines a light on them.

Second, there are a shit ton of types of soulmates, platonic, romantic, family, karmic, etc. So yeah, there are A LOT of people out there that will most likely have a lot of strong connections with you.

On that same note, there are a lot of types of charts that may shine a brighter light into knowing if someone is your soulmate, like draconic charts, synastry charts, composite charts, it all depends on what you’re looking for and honestly, finding a balance between them. 

Now, as for the actual analysis, apart from looking at the number of aspects between two charts (which goes without saying, that although conjunctions are nice harmonization, looking at charts is mostly a casuistic thing, a lot of conjunctions are not always a good indicator for example) and having a great understanding of each chart separetely (for example when looking for a twin flame, it is most likely that you’d find one if your chart points towards not being a new soul cause it indicates that your soul path is brand new and you’ve still got a lot to learn before the twin flame journey, then again, it is casuistic)  there are some aspects that tend to show up when talking about soulmates (double whammies, some asteroids, overlays, etc) , so its great to look out for those, in my personal... method of doing things, after having analyzed the charts I like to confirm it with tarot readings, different decks and oracles too, since to me, tarot can tune into present energy and reach a bit further when accompanied with an astrology reading. 

As a last note, and merely from personal experience, when talking about soulmates specifically, trust me, you wouldn’t even need any time of tool to tell you they are your soulmate, the universe will let you know loud and clear the reason for that certain person (or people) to enter your life. It is a personal journey, after all, reading into it is more of a confirmation thing than looking out for it type of thing.  

EDIT: I was so surprised to read that I used “should” on any of my spirituality rant (mainly bc it sounded so agressive as in ‘it’s my way or the high way’ and I’m not like that... at least not here and not on my spiritual talks) so I took the liberty of searching my asks and if it’s the one I think it was, I just wanted to clarify that I never suggested that you should use tarot to clarify any astrology readings, as if any of the two is less valid without the other, I said it was my personal preference to do so since my style is more of an anxious one so I like to make sure my readings are more accurate bc I like to give you guys quality readings. This edit is all in good spirits btw.

#marinette answers #marinette rants

[ziamhaze]

Hi, I hope you're well! I just want to start off by thanking you for all the wonderful fics you have blessed me with!

I just finished Red vs. Black and was hoping you wouldn't mind answering some questions I have. As someone who risks his own life to save others, how does Liam justify being with someone he knows has killed innocent people? It'd be one thing if Zayn had only killed those directly involved with what happened to his family, but he's killed innocent civilians over minor inconveniences (such as the teenagers in the convertible). Does Zayn still think he is justified in doing so? Does he ever feel guilty about it? If not, how would Liam and Zayn be compatible if their moral compasses are so different?

Also, did Zayn's father ever make his way to the UK? Or was that just a lie he told Zayn to comfort him? Does Zayn ever find his family, especially his younger sister?

I know it's a lot, but I'd really love to hear your answers if you want to give them! Again thank you for all of your wonderful works!

So sorry it’s taken me this long to reply, but I didn’t forget!

To start I’d like to thank you for clicking, and finishing, Red vs. Black.  It isn’t the shortest of fics, nor is it the most delicate - to put it lightly.  For the latter alone, thank you.

These are such poignant, important questions.  Ones that are nearly word for word what I asked myself while planning the ending.

                         SPOILERS FOR ALL OF RED VS. BLACK

1)  How does Liam stay with Zayn after learning of all his senseless killings?

Honestly, I questioned this the most when feeling out the concept.  As a fic writer it’s expected of me to write not only a romance, but also a happy ending.  Of course fics exist that do neither, but they’re very rare and not exactly well-loved.  And truthfully, a massive point that I wanted to get across - and which in effect answers this question - is that despite people’s pasts, they cannot overcome them without being given the opportunity.  100%.  No ands, ifs, or buts.  For a prisoner to assimilate back into society and not go back to their old ways, they need to be trusted with a job.  With a salary (no matter how small), they need to trust themselves to be able to not buy anything that may contribute to poor habits: drugs, alcohol, weapons, gambling, a means of transport that will give them the ability to visit bad influences (more of a psychological thing, but still).  A lot of prisoners are never given this opportunity (especially in the United States), and therefore fall back into their old ways, which are more often than not coping mechanisms to deal with the fact that they can’t fit into society as easily as privileged people to begin with; it’s a terrible cycle.  However, there are plenty of success stories of those that truly wish to change and are lucky enough to stumble upon an employer or mentor or sponsor of some sort that hands them an inkling of hope/trust that they use to fight their way back up.  The fic is fantasy, and while Zayn’s story is rooted in real world PTSD, I think the prisoner analogy is easy for us to envision and therefore, understand why Liam acts the way he does.  I also made it a point in the last scene when they’re talking things out to have Liam voice his contingency: if Zayn so much as spits at anyone, he’s done for.  That’s to say, he’s not wiping his slate clean just yet.

2)  Does Zayn still feel his useless killings were justified?

I’m going to answer assuming that you’re referring to the time after the fic ends.

Looking back at his actions is something that would be inevitable when he starts therapy, and this is a perfect example of one of the questions his therapist would ask.  You may not like my answer, but as an author I find it imperative that I speak of my characters realistically and to keep them true, not how I want them to act.  That said, yes, Zayn would still find justification in why he’s done what he’s done.

There are a few instances in the story where this is actually explained.  Take the scene in the bar with fancy mixologists.  Zayn begins to get aggravated over the people in the room simply because they’re ignorant to the feeling of significant pain.  There’s also the scene where he’s back home in Cheshire and Harry straight out tells him, he may be furious at the unfairness of the world, but he needs to learn how to come to terms with it.  It’s not going to change.  This right here is what a therapist would work with him to do, and also why I had Harry be the one to bring this up in the story - he is one.

I know it sounds incredibly foreign to the average person, but trust me when I say that people struggling with anger problems founded in (un)fairness, exist.  I’ve spoken with professionals about it.  Add on crippling childhood PTSD and a villain like Zayn can definitely be born.  It’s why treatment is needed, and why the answer is ‘yes’ in the beginning of Zayn’s journey to peace.  When his answer switches over to ‘no’, that’s when it’ll be outwardly apparent that he’s beating his ailment.  Unfortunately, for many, the inner battle with mental health is lifelong; the answer ‘no’ will never turn solid.

3)  Does Zayn feel guilty about the above?

Again, there are a couple times when I write Zayn to literally mention how he feels zero guilt.  However, if you really really pay attention you’ll notice that these instances aren’t villain related.

For example, meeting Liam’s parents:

After handing his father and Zayn each their tea, Liam looks between them suspiciously. "Leaving the two of you in a room together was a bad idea."

"Don't know what you're on about," Geoff replies innocently. "We were just talking about cars, weren't we Zayn?" Even with all eyes on him, the pressure of lying doesn't get to Zayn. It never does.

"Yeah," he agrees, bringing his drink up to his lips carefully, "cars."

Or, after Zayn walks out from the comedy club:

"It takes a lot of courage to get up there and do something like that, don't you think?"

"Not really."

Liam looks to the side, hoping that he can interpret more from Zayn's answers by seeing the expressions that go with their frankness. "So if I signed you up, you would do it?"

"Why would I want to make a room full of strangers laugh?" Zayn retorts, his right eye scrunching up in distaste, like it's a mannerism of his provoked by moronic questions. "I don't have a superiority complex." Liam thinks he might, but. "I know I'm better than those people, no mediocracy to cover up here."

So we’ve got those, but then we’ve also got this massive character point:

Right as the last of the snake's body emerges, Zayn snaps his fingers, triggering heavy hip-hop music to flow through his headphones and drown out the man's blood curdling cry.

If he could permanently damage people who deserved it, not always because they did something to Zayn, but because he liked to play god and throw them a massive curveball like life had done to him, then why shouldn't he? So long as he pulls his soundproof headphones off the little robot on the inside of his right arm to avoid listening to the pain his choice brutality caused, there's no valid reason he shouldn't take advantage of the gift he was given.

From where he's sitting, he probably won't be able to hear anything, but he fastens the equipment over his ears just in case.

All at once, the atmospheric sounds of central London, mixed with the terrified screams of those in the burning building beneath them, hit Zayn at full force. The sensory overload alone would normally be enough to piss him off, but tack on his protection from audible trauma being taken and being spoken to while in villain mode, and he's seeing red as deep as the pits of hell he knows he's destined for.

I wrote Zayn’s headphone usage as a way to alert that the reader that he does, in fact, feel villain-related guilt.  He can’t act on his anger without them on.  He’ll have his victims screams stuck in his head, and he’d never be able to handle that a.k.a. there’s zero satisfaction from their literal pain.  Think about that and it’ll answer your follow-up question.

4)  What happened to Zayn’s family?

Zayn’s father meant what he said - he’d do whatever he needed to reunite his family.  That wasn’t a falsity at all.  The problem is money.  And politics, but let’s start with the issue of money.  It took Yaser nine years to save up the amount he paid to have Zayn and Waliyha smuggled across the border.  The whole concept of smuggling is that it’s a cheaper option than the legal one.  So if we look at this, you can see how long it would take him to save for three adult visa fees, three adult plane tickets, and enough to stay afloat for a month or so when they get to England.  Now add in the politics of the early 2000s and the Afghanistan/Pakistan region.  We know that Yaser fixed air conditioners for a living.  No person with that average of a background is going to have an easy time immigrating anywhere.  Even so, would it really take him over 18 years?  While it’s plausible, perhaps a man with such determination would find another way.  Or...was that unnecessary because he was fed lies?

Think about it.  After several weeks and no word from his children, don’t you think he’d cause a riot?  He’s the type to drive over to Badar’s house and demand his relatives get in contact with him to find out what’s going on.  But, given the flashback Zayn has, it’s obvious that Badar never planned on accompanying any of the children to the UK, and if that’s the case, he clearly couldn’t return to Quetta.  I imagine a fully rehearsed story was told to all of the children’s parents about how they were killed somewhere along the way.

As for Waliyha, her whereabouts were told to my gang over on Patreon a while ago.  In short, yes, she’s still alive and I plan on pitching the book’s sequel to publishers as a graphic novel series revolved around her location.  Louis’ dark web bot finally found a hint as to where that might be, so Zayn and Liam go on a journey across Europe to find her.  Each issue would (probably) take place in a new city and involve both fighting a single bad guy.

Just a quick reminder to anyone who reads this, Red vs. Black and all involved characters are my intellectual property and cannot be replicated, manipulated, or stolen.

Again, thank you for your question and time!  I know my fics aren’t short and take a huge time commitment to finish.  If you have any other questions, don’t hesitate to send them my way!  I’m super busy writing the next story and doing critical work, but I promise I’ll get around to it.

#thank you for the questions and for CARING #I think the collective of fanfic readers get a bad rep for not being mature readers and caring about things other than fuzzy feelings #so thank you #my writing #red vs. black #anonymous