#And self criticism that comes from his being... just a thoughtful and intelligent person

[femmefatalevibe]

Hey, I love your account!❤️ I started my journey of being the highest version of myself. I wanted to ask some tips on how to be more intelligent and do you have some suggestions on podcasts, people you can follow that active on politics/history? English isn’t my native language.

Thanks! ❤️

Hi love! Thank you so much <333 I can't think of any specific podcasts/blogs at the moment, but sharing some other advice below. Bisous xx

Here are some of my tips:

Read books, articles, blogs, studies, and journals from credible & fact-checked sources

Watch & listen to evidence-based documentaries and podcasts

Take expert-backed courses and classes (from universities, industry leaders/certified organizations)

Attend forums/lectures from industry leaders museums, libraries, etc. (Virtually or in-person)

Talk to people in different fields and from different walks of life

Travel (globally, domestically, or locally), explore museums, parks, and stores in your area

Ask for feedback on your creative or skill-based projects and work; or insights from trusted people in your life on different situations in your life, from your past, or their greatest life lessons

Remain curious and diligent regarding your pursuit of knowledge. Live as a lifelong student

For emotional intelligence:

Embrace self-awareness & self-reflection: Observe how you feel, behave, and how people generally respond to your words/actions in different situations

Practice self-regulation: Learn to differentiate between your feelings and the actions that would be appropriate in a specific setting or interaction. Internalize that feelings are fleeting and non-factual. You're in control of how you respond/(don't) act on these emotions

Engage in active listening: Pay attention to what others are saying with the intent of understanding, not responding

Focus on emotional differentiation: Understand where your thoughts, feelings, intentions, and opinions end and another person's identity/perception begins

Display radical empathy and acceptance: Understand that almost all people's words and actions result from their own beliefs, past experiences, and current life circumstances/priorities. Put yourself in their shoes when attempting to understand their choices, behaviors, and times they come to you to discuss a problem, success, or major life decision. Accept that you can only control what you do. Very little of other people's actions/the world's workings are personal. Things are happening around you, not to you

Let go of your ego: View yourself as objectively as possible with the potential for improvement. Abolish any superior complex or overwhelming desire to prove your self-importance in others' lives and decisions

Remain open-minded: Question your own beliefs and opinions. Stay curious as to why you believe them to be true/authentic to you. Allow your opinions to change or have the capacity to modify your beliefs upon hearing new information. Understand your worldview and values are valid, but they're not definitively correct beliefs, just because they resonate/feel comfortable for you

Be receptive to feedback: Embrace constructive criticism as a self-improvement tool. Approach it with curiosity and optimism, not as a personal attack

Differentiate between your feelings and capabilities: Your thoughts are not facts. Remember you can do things you don't feel like doing most of the time (work, waking up in the morning, working out, etc.). Learn the difference between being a slave to your emotions and genuinely running out of energy

#higher self #glow up era #glow up tips #knowledge is power #level up #femme fatale #dark feminine energy #it girl #the feminine urge #dream girl #female excellence #queen energy #female power #networking #career tips #educate yourself #personal growth #self improvement #femmefatalevibe #success mindset #successhabits #study tips #emotional intelligence #emotional regulation #emotional maturity #life skills

[omgsuperstarg]

Its Hair Day

Couple: Toto Wolff X Black!Reader

Summary: It's that particular time when the reader gives some TLC to herself and her hair. Toto working from home observes one of his love's many rituals in terms of self-care and he even assists.

As a young Caribbean woman, haircare is paramount, and I'm glad I get to share this in my writing. Hope you enjoy it!!!

Hair day is a long process. The amount of time and energy it takes to keep your hair flawless is a task in itself, but it's always worth it because Toto loves to see the unique art you transform your hair into. So here you are in your shared room at 9am in front of the mirror scissors in hand ready to be out with the old! So the process began by cutting your braids 75% length and then losing the rest. Usually, when you do this ritual, Toto would usually find your hair already prepped and wrapped under a nightcap to keep its softness. He always liked to see you with it on because he lived for the bright colours and styles it came with. He knew that your hair was quite important to you and in the short time you've both been together he came to embrace your unique beauty and how you showed it off.

So here you are in the bathroom with light lo-fi music blasting softly from your speakers so as not to disturb your hardworking love, he then appears in your vision thanks to the mirror reflecting him.

"Hey, did you have a good meeting?", you inquire and noting his slightly messy hair and face being spectacle free. "Yes, it went well and I can see you're quite busy yourself", he responds while walking towards your person.

"Did you choose your newest style?", he ponders as he comes to sit next to you. You proceed to show him a picture that you discovered on Pinterest which so happened to bestow you all the best inspiration.

"This would look wonderous on you, and it'll be perfect for the next race weekend", he professes while looking into your chocolate brown eyes.

"Oh, lova, can you drop me off at the salon before heading to Brackley?", you ask him

"Sure but for now, let me assist you in washing your hair", he says while wiggling his fingers playfully going in to tickle.

"Ahhhh Toto, stap!!!!!! This is soo unfair", your laughter ringing through the bathroom,

"I love you, mein Singvogel", the lovable giant professes before bestowing a light kiss on your forehead. Ever since he has heard you singing around the house, he has deemed you his songbird and that nickname always makes you weak in the knees.

So escorting you to the bathroom and sitting you on the tub's edge, he takes the hose and proceeds to drench your hair, his fingers very comforting just as he does on your ebony skin. Gentle yet protective, after that, you add your shampoo and you both scrub together. Taking some of the green apple-smelling suds and swiping some on his face, his hearty laugh filled the room and your soul. By lunchtime, your hair is fully washed and steamed and what was left was to plait them in.

"This is the first time you're actually home to see the entire process when it comes to doing my hair. Most times you would be working and when you arrive home, my haircare would be completed", you speak as you sit opposite him on the kitchen island.

"I always thought what you do with your hair is magical and the versatility of it. Your hair is powerful just as is the rest of you. Resilant, creative, an amazing cook, intelligent and diligent in your work.", Toto professes and by the time the silence comes, you're just in awe.

Getting into a relationship with Toto always had its critics from not matching his level in terms of career to the colour of your skin. The vitriol that was hurled at you always tore at you like razor cuts. You've always felt that you weren't good enough for a man of stature such as him, Toto was larger than life and you were just ordinary but in the time you've been with him, he saw you as equal. Valued your sense of independence. Your input mattered to him, willing to learn and appreciate his strengths and flaws and observe him in his element as well as encourage you in your endeavours and for that, you'll always be grateful.

The next day.....

After Toto dropped you off, it was time to transform your hair. So after about three hours and two seasons of 'The Umbrella Academy' on Netflix later, your hair was finally done and you felt even more beautiful. A new style was so needed and you knew that Toto would love it. In his rush, he forgot his lunch and you decided to drop it off for him and have him see your new hair.

After your arrival at Brackley HQ and with permission from reception, you were allowed to see him but before doing so you texted him to let him know you were coming and notify yourself if he was in a meeting so you would be disrespectful by barging in unannounced. In a swift reply, it was all clear and by knocking on his door and hearing his baritone voice you poked your head through.

"Hello darling, I bought lunch that you forgot when you rushed out of the house", you say slowly walking into his office.

"Thank you Liebling and you look gorgeous.", he says while gently turning your whole body in his arms to view your full visage.

"Im glad you love it, I adore it as well", you said as you gave your love a huge hug and a loving kiss.

#f1 #toto wolff #mercedes f1 #mercedes amg petronas #Toto wolff x black!reader #toto wolff fic #toto wolff x poc!reader #F1 x POC!reader

[leafsvflowers]

Han ideal romantic type and ideal romance scenario

Date: 25.12.23 (ideal type), 28.01.2024(ideal romance scenario got redone)

Decks: The Rider-Waite Tarot, Symbolon, Romantic Angels Oracle Cards

Did he allow me to publish? - ideal type (10 of Pentacles amd Strength), he was hesistant at first. Romantic ideal scenario - King of Cups (yes)

For further information about the reading structure read notes on changbin's ideal romance scenario post: link

Ideal type:

Han's ideal person is very stubborn. They are not someone who gives up their perspective easily. Often are willing to quarrel or be stuck in disagreement. They are against sacrifices even if those need to be made. Could be releculant to move forward and apply change. Also may appear a bit tense, not comfortable. They are not flexible in their way of thinking - more like they have a goal that needs to be achieved, even though it's not possible to do it their way. They are a person that may use unethical, deceitful tactics in the name of their goal.

The Page of Swords reversed suggests this goal is unclear for them as well. They feel responsible for their work, often thinking long about the results, but right now are not satisfied with their job, frustrated even, but they don't know what to do. They may find it difficult to acknowledge their shortcomings and face reality.

When I was making this reading, drawing cards my thoughts were focused on the smell of smoke, incense and leather. I was getting mafia boss vibes from Han's ideal person. They are for sure not someone you can't easily see through. Not a person that is showing all of their skills and gifts right away. Can a bit sneaky about it. They like to appear clean to the public.

I was also drawn to Empress Crown and dress and it made me understand his ideal person: has somehow higher standing/position than him, they are someone with regal demeanor.

His ideal person has well developed emotional intelligence. They are feminine, motherly. Can make him feel loved and cared for. Han can tell them about anything, even his darkest, shameful moments and he knows, the guilt will be reduced. He respects them even more knowing they are perfectionist in a way, always criticizing themselves and wanting to be better. Jisung sees that they want to be true to themselves even if other people disagree or are against them.

Ideal romance scenario: 

Han met his ideal person during a creative block. He was lacking self-love and self-care, doubting his body image. The person he met was strict and tough, but kind and motherly at the same time. Their character strength helped him find strength on his own. He kept changing and improving himself and they were there for him, listening to his doubts and understanding him.

The relationship between them was not for a show, only they knew about feelings they had for each other, being there for each other when needed. Jisung finally found the inner balance within himself and harmony and that was the time he decided that he can connect with them more.

The relationship was so natural for them that they didn't even notice when people started to view it with suspicion. Both the company and fans started to notice that something was going on.It was quite shocking for Jisung when their relationship suddenly became public and they got shaken off of their honeymoon phase. It was just like saying heaven is blue or grass is green, but people suddenly taking interest in them wasn't to Jisung's taste. It wasn't pleasant, but they made the decision to take a step back.

After some time, Jisung and his significant other reached a breaking point deciding they are the strongest together. Deep in their hearts they knew they wouldn't find another person like that. Jisung believed that they would last and be with each other to the end of the world. So the only choice was to come back to the world holding hands and looking at each other with a smile.

#kpop tarot #stray kids tarot #skz tarot #stray kids han tarot #skz han tarot #han jisung tarot

[tinietaehyun]

Thorns Amongst Flowers

[Prince!Soobin x gardener!f!reader]

Genre(s): romance, fluff, angst, royalty!au, minor enemies to lovers.

Contains: cussing/swearing, mentions of blood/gore/injury, manipulative behaviour, brief hospitalisation

[ damn it’s been awhile…well this was a draft from ages ago that I finally finished ,, man i hope it’s decent :”) ]

Synopsis; A gentle natured prince who loves to sink into his books and escape the monotonous world comes into contact with a head-strong, determined girl from the garden in his palace. Though for an unknown reason when the prince tries to come out of his shy shell, he is shunned by her in the most brutal way. He’s never experienced such dislike. Why does she not like him so? Most importantly why wasn’t he willing to give up on her?

—————————^^^^^^^^^^^^^————————

The grand library housed within the palace of the kingdom’s capital contains various books, scriptures, pieces of history. It was a treasure trove of historical information, a heaven of finding everything in one place. It was magnanimously built by the king three generations ago.

Not only was it an archive of information, but an astounding collection of fiction, stories written by the people, by talented authors who let their imaginations bleed onto the paper. Though only able to be accessed by the palace staff and of course the royal family, it was a chamber of dreams, secrets and truths.

To this magnificent library, comes a frequent visitor who deemed this room as his second home, or his home within home. He knows the nooks and crannies, the various aisles and turnings, the secret passages and rooms like the back of his hand. This visitor was only the ever so revered, publicly and well adored prince.

The prince was of unique nature, rather introverted yet intelligent and observant. Though not outspoken like his father, the king, or intimidating as his mother. Rather instead he was known for his timid, sweet mannerisms. He carried the air of a mellow angel dropped from the heavens above. The people absolutely adored the prince even from a young age, where he was (shockingly!), even shyer.

Despite the open criticisms from his own father and mother for being too timid, perhaps not even being fit to rule, Soobin didn’t take it much to heart. Well, it seemed that way to the palace staff. Only Soobin himself knew how his parents words about his demeanour would affect him. Not only his parents but the ruling council and advisors had the same thing to say about his gentle and kind hearted personality. Whilst well appreciated for his understanding nature, it wouldn’t suit well for becoming the next king. Being on the throne is one of both a powerful and dangerous position. One that required someone who could hold their ground, couldn’t be easily swayed in their decisions and most importantly was born to lead. All of which the ruling council and his parents thought he was incapable of. Yet he was the only heir after quite some time.

Soobin was on his regular visit to his one escape in the entirety of the palace. It wasn’t like he could walk the streets casually could he? Though very thankful for his lavish lifestyle, he thought that life could get rather suffocating. People constantly correcting his behaviour, having to act a certain way, having to be someone who he unfortunately wasn’t. It’s not like he didn’t want to be king, he just thinks his people deserve better than him. Someone so meek and timid as a king, it seemed preposterous in his eyes. Could he truly be a good leader?

He wasn’t sure, he wanted to see the world for himself, though he enjoyed being inside encased by piles of books filled with stories of the very world he wanted to explore. Perhaps the illusion of fiction was too good to part with?

Soobin found himself pathetic at times, sometimes he found himself in this cycle of self loathing, and guilt for thinking otherwise, why, he was grateful wasn’t he? The prince, what a coveted and gracious position? So why did he have to resort to daydreaming amongst the pages to feel happy, to carry on each day? ‘How childish’ he thinks to himself.

“Ah, my dear, here to borrow more books I see? At the rate you’re going, I wouldn’t be surprised if you finished half the books here by age 40!” The elderly woman laughs endearingly at the prince. The wrinkles on her face crinkling as she smiles brightly. Soobin merely becomes flustered and clears his throat, “Ah, yes…,” an awkward laugh escapes his lips.

He curses to himself. By himself he could be the bravest person to exist, he could slay dragons with his fingertips, beat up five people at once, hand out several royal decrees with a snap of his fingers. Well, all hypothetically speaking of course. In his imagination he could achieve anything. In his room alone, he was the most confident he could ever be.

“My dear, go and browse as usual. Would you like anything to eat? I have some biscuits.” She smiles warmly shaking a small netted bag of biscuits that she keeps for herself, and well, Soobin. He had found out earlier she had reminded him ever so closely of her son who had passed away due to chronic illness. It broke his heart, and so he cherished being in her company. Not like his mother was that affectionate anyway. Soobin smiles walking forward murmuring, “Your recipes never fail to impress me, Mrs Park.”

The elderly lady lets out a hearty chuckle handing him two butter biscuits covered in sugar crystals. Soobin loved baked items, and Mrs Park’s biscuits never tasted so good. He simply couldn’t resist! “These ones have a little chocolate filling I whipped up last minute, my son loved these when he was younger,” she chuckles reminiscing, “He’d refused to go to school without at least three in his lunch bag!”

Soobin couldn’t help but smile at her happiness, “Thank you Mrs Park.” He enjoys the biscuits as she chatters on as always much to his quiet amusement. “My dear, we’ve also ordered new books for next week, so you’ll have many new pickings!” Soobin nods his feet fidgeting as he fights the urge to start running into the aisles of books. Her eyes widen, “Oh look at me, keeping you! My apologies my dear, do go and browse and bring them for me to sign out for you.”

He smiles back at her before speed walking into the paradise of literature. The clacking of his leather boots resound out; the slightly stuffy nature of the room making him begin to sweat. His nostrils flare at the scent of both new books and old books mixed amongst each other. Soobin could be here for hours. He continues to browse picking up books occasionally and reading their synopses, taking his time to select the next two books he’d read over the next few weeks.

He is so engrossed in his books that he doesn’t notice himself stepping back as he peers to look at the shelf, that there was indeed another person approaching down the same aisle. “Hey-? Watch where you’re…” the voice quietens down as Soobin turns around unfortunately wanting to die of embarrassment. The source of the voice appears to be a young woman, dressed in clothes much less fancier than his. More like a simple gown matching the uniform of the palace staff. Her hair is ever so slightly messy with intense doe eyes and soft features. How pretty… Her and her book drop in a loud clatter on the floor. He awkwardly murmurs, “My apologies. I should have been more careful.” He bows down out of courtesy.

If his parents saw this, they would be furious. A prince shouldn’t be so apologetic, a mere sorry should suffice, no need for the extra words nor a bow, as his mother would lecture him.

As he rises from his bow, his eyes widen seeing her infuriated expression as she stands up. It looked all too familiar to him somehow. Where had he seen that face before? Her glare intensifies at his silence. His heart pangs; she looked like she was going to kill him with her glare alone. He stammers, “I really am sorry.” No response.

Soobin stands awkwardly as they both stare at each other; one obviously more hostile than the other. He hated this.

The young woman finally retorts out in an icy tone, “Whatever. I… it’s whatever.” She snaps her face away from him. She clenches her fists and lets out a frustrated sigh. Soobin mumbles, “Uhm, okay. Well, I’ll be more careful in the future, please don’t be upset.”

He was just too damn sweet for his own good. She snaps, “God you’ve not changed at all, still a pushover.” Soobin flinches at her harsh words, “Pushover?” She sighs, “Wait, no. I’m sorry that was harsh. I…that’s not what I meant.” The woman sounds utterly frustrated and almost flustered in demeanour.

Many thoughts sprint around Soobin’s mind. First of all, how rude? Second of all, did this girl know who she was talking to?, she must have right, she’s wearing the palace uniform! Lastly, the most intriguing of what she has uttered is that she has observed that he hasn’t changed. Does she know him personally?

He mumbles, “Have we met before?” The girl seems to become even more upset at the question, “Huh, you really don’t remember me…? Why’d I think you would remember someone like me?” Her voice cracks much to his dismay. Her eyes glaze over. She shakes her head, “I should have known. I should have known since your fall, you’d have not remembered. You don’t want to remember. You’re too good for me right?”

Soobin was beginning to get agitated as he mutters, “What on earth are you talking about?” She peers at him sadness glistening in her eyes, “Playing dumb? Or do you genuinely not remember? …I can’t tell.” Soobin sighs in frustration, “I’m sorry, I really think you’re directing your anger on the wrong person here. I understand, I should have watched where I was going..” he clears his throat softening his tone a bit. He mumbles, “But, I don’t think this justifies your attitude-“

Before she can utter another sentence, the librarian Mrs Park peers over into the aisle clearly not impressed by the commotion. She hums unimpressed, “What is the issue, oh! My dear, is there any problem?” She narrows her eyes at the woman beside him, “Do you not see that the prince is browsing for books? Are you bothering him? I’ll have you know I will not hesitate to throw nuisances out of the library.” Soobin pales and peers back at the young woman who merely remains silent sporting nothing but an icy, hurt glare. Mrs Park snaps, “Be gone with you! Goodness me, don’t you have any cleaning work or something to be doing?”

The woman’s eyes narrow back but she holds her tongue; she feels as though being shunned by the prince is already enough emotional distress and humiliation for the entire month. She nods and curtly bows towards Soobin as she frigidly murmurs, “My apologies your majesty. I shall be going back to attending my duties.” She rushes off clearly on the verge of tears.

Mrs Park wipes the disgruntled expression on her face replacing it with one of concern and affection, “My dear are you okay? Can’t even read and browse in peace can you? Some peasants aren’t as refined and polite as you my dear, apologies. She didn’t say anything to offend you did she? I will be happy to report it.” Soobin almost violently shakes his head at the words and frantically splutters, “No! No…it was my error I bumped into her that’s all, but thank you, uhm, Mrs Park.” He didn’t want to blow up the problem even further. He found Mrs Park’s words rather insulting.

All his mind was concerned with was, who was that girl? Why did she seem to know him? And why did he have to the urge to go see her again?

Images of her pop up in his head; her eyes. Her glittering and expressive eyes. She had alluring eyes. His heart aches in an eery form of nostalgia, they looked familiar. Her entire face did in fact. She gave off a familiar vibe? Had they seen each other before around the palace?; she does work here after all? She had mentioned so much in such little time it had left his brain in a frazzle.

Goodness, all he came here to do was read a good book. Before he could continue searching, as he steps forwards, the tip of shoe hits something and he peers down seeing a book haphazardly on the floor. He murmurs to himself, “…her book…” Soobin reads the cover, ‘Love Mourned; Love Forgotten.’ He hadn’t read this one before; it seems to be a romance novel.

She had forgotten her book. He felt bad considering he was the one who knocked it out of her hands. She had left in such a flurry she completely forgot about her book. His fingertips gently grip the hardback of the dark red book. As a kind gesture, and an act of goodwill, he should probably give it back to her. He’ll sign it out for her.

Why was he doing all this for someone he supposedly just met? Even he didn’t quite know the answer himself. All he wanted to know was who she was and how she knew him.

He wanted to satiate the fire of familiarity within him.

><><><><><

Soobin rests in his chambers, one foot atop the other, legs outstretched and back leant back against the headboard of his bed. The window left slightly ajar to allow for a soft but soothing breeze to enter his grand bedroom. The sound of the melodic birdsong enters his ears. It was truly the perfect environment to be reading in. ‘Time to escape reality for awhile again,’ he thinks to himself.

His eyes catch glimpse of the red book the girl dropped earlier this morning. He had to find her again for sure, how was he going to do that exactly? He didn’t quite know. To begin with, he didn’t even know her name, but for some reason he did know her face. Well, almost. He’s definitely seen it before, his intuition has been scratching his mind since their encounter.

Soobin lets out an irritable huff slamming his book shut. Whilst his environment was perfect for reading a good book, his mindset unfortunately was not but rather it was occupied with trying to solve the mystery of who she was and of course, trying to give her, her book.

Soobin goes deep into thought. Her words…. “God, you’ve not changed at all.” “Since your fall…”

He murmurs as his brows furrow, his lips forming a slight pout as the gears in his mind turn and rattle, “Since that fall…have I fallen? I do remember quite a few many falls when I was a child. What did she mean?” Soobin does acknowledge he is rather clumsy or flimsy at times, so that phrase didn’t really help narrow it down but he does surmise that the fall should have been serious if she was referring to it.

He does manage to recall that at around thirteen years old he suffered a brutal head injury. He doesn’t remember much of what happened except that he had fallen from a large height from one of the trees in the garden. To this day he still doesn’t know why on earth he climbed that high up a tree? Though that’s what his mother told him in regards to the accident. Soobin had suffered a brief concussion and heavy bleeding as a result of the harsh fall. From then on they didn’t even allow him out near the very tree he fell from.

Maybe she saw him that day? Though he must think she looks of similar age as him, so she must have been a little child too. Perhaps her mother and father worked here in the palace? He sighs exasperated, or maybe he was connecting useless dots. Whatever the case, he knew he’d only find out if she met her in person again.

Soobin swings his legs over and gets up off his bed with the red romance novel in hand. She probably wouldn’t mind if he read a few pages whilst searching for her right?

—————

Your fingertips delicately manoeuvre the flowers into the soil. A quaint smile paints your lips. The stunning asters mixed between the azaleas and magnolias. A stunning array and amalgamation of different species of flowers. The vibrant splash of colours dotting the grounds just makes your heart swell with pride. You had spent ages planting and taking care of all the flowers, bushes, and trees here in this particular section of the palace gardens. Secretly, you liked to think that your assigned area was singlehandedly the best looking and most aesthetically pleasing to the eye. The others here had no taste or any hint of passion when it came to gardening and flower assortment. Not your fault you had a gift, or should you say good genes. ‘Thanks father,’ you think to yourself amused.

“Y/n, I swear you’re going to start talking to the flowers next like your father does.” A chuckle resounds beside you and you peer up from your crouched position seeing your best friend: Ryujin. A teasing smile plays on her lips and you roll your eyes, “You do know it is actually good for the plants. They do like getting talked at.”

“You sound more insane everyday,” she remarks letting out a snort. You scoff getting up, “You-“ She finishes off for you, “Yeah, yeah, ‘I just don’t get it, plants are more special than they look, ectera, ectera.’” It almost seemed like your catch phrase at this point; rather embarrassing you’re now beginning to think.

You clear your throat, “Well, anyway, I much prefer this to your job.” Ryujin stops laughing and gives you an unamused stare, “Piss off, just say you can’t handle a needle and thread and go.” You smirk, “Not fun is it, getting made fun of?” She leans into your shoulder and lets out a long drawl, “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

You murmur, “Well, either way plants and animals are way better than humans in any case. Excluding you of course.” You had known Ryujin for over four years now, she works for the tailors on the palace grounds inheriting the position from her late mother. Despite being rather reserved to others, she was quite mischievous and rambunctious with you. You brought out her more extroverted side to which you were glad.

Ryujin resounds groaning, “Please don’t tell me you’re still hung up on Soobin? Come on dude, he’s a prince, of course he’s a pompous imbecile. From what you’ve told me, he just dropped you like that, for doing nothing? It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t remember what he said or did. I told you not to go up to him, didn’t I?” You whine, “It was by pure accident, I couldn’t help it. I’m just so aggravated by it all. He deserved it. I hope he thinks on it.”

“Girl, I have never seen someone hold a grudge for as long as you have.” Ryujin sighs rubbing her forehead. She continues, “I think someone who referred to you as a ‘disgusting peasant’ isn’t quite the person you want around you.” You clutch her hands in desperation, “Ryujin,I know this may seem maddening to you, seriously he’s not like that. I just know deep deep down he would never say something like that after the time we spent.” Your heart aches terribly.

Ryujin squeezes your hands back in an comforting manner and gives you a warm smile as she says, “I have never wanted to punch you the face more than now.” You’re floored by her answer and splutter, “What?” “Can’t believe you are that lovestruck for a man. A man? You got a man making you feel this upset, the audacity. If he weren’t the prince I would have knocked his jaw off its hinges.” She angrily mumbles out. Wide eyed you stammer, “Damn, remind me not to piss you off.” She hums, “Well, I wouldn’t punch you. Maybe just a delicate reality checking chokeslam.” “Great, thanks,” you sarcastically respond. “What I’m trying to say here is, he’s not worth it. Think about it, he’s probably been ignoring your presence, he’s made no attempt himself to get back in contact with you, so why the fuck should you give that energy back?”

You consider Ryujin’s words. She made good points but for some reason your heart wasn’t happy to hear them out. You truly did believe that something went awry. Even when you met Soobin yesterday, he seemed just like did back then. Still adorably shy, endearingly kind, not a fan of confrontation, he could have had you on the floor begging for forgiveness for the way you spoke to him…yet he didn’t. You didn’t understand whether he was pretending not to know you for both your sake’s or indeed you were just a thing of the past, nothing significant enough to remember. You peer down at your necklace and fiddle with the silver ring attached whilst frowning. ‘Oh, Soobin…’

“Well y/n, I have to be going, my shift starts in five minutes. Don’t overwork yourself, the sun’s coming out, don’t faint on me, you got that? Stay in the shade during noon.” You murmur smiling, “Got it.” Ryujin gives you a genuinely caring smile before she gives you a flurrying wave and walks off down the path leaving you back amongst the flowers. Back to gardening you suppose, not that you were complaining. You loved it ever so much.

The sun did indeed come out to say hello as by midday the temperature becomes atrocious and there is a sweltering heat blazing down upon you. You believe you could have cooked an entire buffet using your head as a stove. You peer around for some shade that wasn’t already occupied by the other palace staff.

Wiping the sweat off your brow you let out an aggravated sigh, “Fuck, this fucking sun, fuck’s sake. I’m so fucking hot I hate it here.” Irritation seeps into you. “O-Oh my.” A soft yet deep voice stammers out. You freeze in your spot.

You really hope that wasn’t another member of staff or even worse- “Uhm, hello there. I…I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Though it appears it isn’t a great time.” You get slammed in the face with a ton, no; plural, tons of embarrassment. You got caught having a sailor’s mouth in front of the prince himself. Not even soap could help you rinse your mouth neither could the gods above save you from this humiliating experience.

“I can ask an attendant to get you some water?” He awkwardly asks noticing you still haven’t turned around. You grit out, “No. no it’s fine. Really.” The boiling sun didn’t make your anger any less intense. You were already pissed off as is. Now you had to deal with this.

‘Calm down. Calm yourself. Your better than this. He came to find you. Not the other way round. Be nice.’ You think to yourself almost repeating it like a mantra. You swiftly turn around and try to paint a smile on your face though you didn’t think you were succeeding in the exercise considering the man in front of you pales. Perhaps your eyes were a little too intense. Though it was ever so slightly amusing you could get to see the prince in this position though. Not that you’d ever say this aloud.

“What is it your majesty?” You ask genuinely finding yourself curious before you halt seeing a very familiar book in his hands. Oh! You had forgotten your book, you had meant to check it out the other day. You knew you wanted to try going back to try and look for it again but you couldn’t honestly be bothered. Yet now Soobin had it in his hands.

He outstretches his arm appearing to give you the book and you peer at him with a raised brow, “For me? What about signing it out?” “I signed it out under my name. Is that alright? I can’t sign for another person on their behalf; it’s the rules there.” He explains looking slightly flustered as your fingers brush against each other. His hand felt so incredibly soft. Not only that his hands were huge, they would engulf your hands in a heartbeat.

You clear your throat becoming flustered and quickly keeping the book against your chest, “Uh, no…that’s okay.” There’s an awkward silence before you quietly mumble out, “Thank you, your majesty.”

Your eyes peer observing him as he lets out a nod of affirmation. His jet black locks of hair sharply cut with a few strands sprawled across his forehead here and there. It was in sleek contrast to his white princely attire made of god knows what expensive fabric (probably costing equivalent to three years worth of your rent alone). The elegant tassels on his shoulder sway and jump in the breeze. The intricacy of his outfit had you floored not to mention, he made the outfit look gorgeous. He really did grow up from that cute, clumsy kid to this gorgeous man with the sharpest eyes and softest lips. “Did I do something wrong again? You’re really staring a lot.”

Oh fuck, you made it obvious. You made yourself seem like an uncivilised buffoon in comparison to his sophisticated and elite mannerisms and speech. You frown, “No, no sorry. I…I was lost in thought. Thank you again for the book.”

Maybe Ryujin was right, maybe it was better to leave the past behind. He gave you your book, why should you bother trying to remind him. Maybe he just genuinely forgot. Not that you could ever be seen together regardless, look at your measly position and his. Not a chance!

“I’ll be leaving your majesty, have a good day. Many thanks.” You let out a courteous bow before stepping away. He suddenly steps forward in a rush blocking you from walking away, “W-Wait-! I wanted to talk. Talk more I mean. Please?” His voice heightens at the end waiting for your response and it cruelly reminded you of the way he was when he was younger. “Is it important?” You mumble. Soobin stammers, “I…I think? Maybe. Could you hear me out? We can find some shade too. So you’re not so hot and irritable either.” Embarrassment from earlier hits you again, “Okay, thanks, your majesty.”

Soobin peers around seeing that most of the spots are occupied and he finally points towards the hedge maze. “In the maze there’s a gazebo in the centre of it; we can talk there.” You deadpan, “You know considering how much your family taxes the entirety of the nation im surprised you haven’t installed enough benches here of any form of actual shade with that money.” Soobin awkwardly stands in silence before murmuring, “…well you’re not wrong.” You sigh, “Right lets just go, your majesty.”

A flustered Soobin leads the way and you both begin to walk through the maze to which he seems to know like back of his hand. Soobin encourages himself to walk out of his shell by starting conversation as the agonising silence between them was painful. “Uhm, so have you been in this maze?” “Yeah.” You respond nonchalantly. You weren’t trimming these hedges like a maniac for nothing. “Oh.” He murmurs. You couldn’t help but smile, “You feel awkward don’t you?” He mumbles embarrassed, “I just don’t think you like me very much…I don’t know how to hold a conversation with someone who doesn’t like me. Most people…uh tend to like me.”

Well yeah, you’re the prince.

Oh curse your heart for battering against your rib cage erratically. The way his eyes glisten in concern and how he lets out a nervous chuckle. He was like a bunny who was let out to roam free on a field for the first time. How adorable. Wait no. Stay focused! You mumble, “You were the one who said you wanted to talk in the first place.” Soobin nods, “Well yes, I did say that. It’s basically about yesterday.”

You sigh, “You apologised, I apologised isn’t it over?” Soobin stammers, “Not about you falling yesterday.” Too late for that you think. You could snort to your own jokes but you’d look like a psychopath laughing to yourself out of nowhere so you refrain. “I meant, I think we have a past together. You know me more than our encounter yesterday.” “I mistook you for someone.” You blurt out before you could even clearly think. What was wrong with you?

Soobin’s eyes deflate slightly, “I don’t think that’s the case. I feel you definitely knew who you were talking to.” The centre of the maze arrives past the several lefts, rights, twists and turns and you both look in awe at the glass gazebo structure specifically used for the noble to dine under whilst enjoying the nature. It wasn’t for use of staff but hey, if anyone caught you, you’d blame Soobin. It was his idea to sit here after all.

You clear your throat, “No really, I think I misunderstood.” Soobin pulls out the chair and it takes you a minute that he’s pulling the chair out for you to sit on. You splutter, “Oh-! Oh sorry.” He lets out a charming smile shaking his head as he then proceeds to seat himself opposite to you. He really was a gentleman, much to your dismay. You weren’t supposed to be swayed like this.

You get a grip on yourself. Just because he was your childhood friend/crush (which he doesn’t seem to know or is knowingly choose to ignore) you had to remain firm. He was the one who just dropped you out of nowhere and insulted you. You look down at your necklace feeling a heaviness in your heart. Maybe it was a bad idea to wear it at all, but you couldn’t let go.

“You said I fell, I remember as a child having a severe concussion. Is this what you were referring to?” He asks surprisingly more direct than you thought he could get. Your eyes narrow as you snarkily reply, “So you do remember.” Soobin mumbles, “Well you were the one just saying you mistook-“ You interrupt slightly feeling stupid, “Ah, ah, no. What I meant is I think we’re BOTH misunderstanding things here.” “Oh,” Soobin dryly responds. Another awkward silence.

You continue awkwardly, “Uhm, well, can you be honest with me? Do you really not remember me or..do you not want to? I just feel like there’s no way you could have forgotten me. I definitely haven’t forgotten you.” Soobin remains silent for a few moments as he frowns, “I’m sorry, I genuinely don’t know. My brain begins to hurt when I think about you because I know your face but…not your name or anything else. I really don’t mean it on purpose.”

Your heart aches with every beat becoming painful. Soobin asks, “Were you someone from my childhood, I don’t think I can remember anything from before the age of six of seven though. It’s all blurry.”

You decide it’s best to tell him everything then and there. You find that he genuinely doesn’t remember what happened. Now what’s gotten you worried is that maybe that fall all those years ago, took away his and yours most happiest memories. Guilt strikes you as you thought he chose not to remember you but from how he’s acting, it appears there’s been some miscommunication or perhaps even foul play here. You felt sorry for giving him unnecessary dislike, you could honestly never hate him. Because unfortunately for you, your unrequited feelings from the age of 13 were stronger than ever.

You murmur, “Soobin, I think you have a gap in your memory. It’s probably because of the severe concussion you had. May I remind you of who I am and what our relationship was?”

Soobin’s brows furrow; his head was honestly pounding at this point. He was trying, he really was, desperately trying to remember you. Trying to cling onto barely blurry images of past memories. Whilst not successful he knew there was something of you in his mind, and the way thinking of you. He knew he felt something for you.

The way his heart jumped and fluttered in his chest, the his chest felt a blossom of warmth. How he’d shiver when your eyes met his. How he felt the urge to keep smiling around you despite you being rather grumpy or sarcastic at times. It was refreshing in fact that you weren’t catering your behaviour, acting all cordial around because of his status. He liked it. The fuzzy memories made him feel warm inside.

Soobin peers at you with the most warm and gentle gaze making your heart race. “Please tell your name. Tell me what happened. Tell me why you make me feel as though I’ve been missing something so incredibly important to me. You’re a mystery that feels nostalgic to me.” You felt like you could burst into tears any second. You sadly smile back at him, “Listen up then. We have a lot to cover.” He nods covering one hand atop another and he leans forwards in interest, “Mhm?”

“Firstly my name is…”

[7 years ago]

“Y/n! Y/n! Come on, come on! Our usual spot!” A soft voice shouts. Your head turns seeing the young boy with the brightest smile you’ve ever seen. He is dressed in a white frilled shirt tucked in nicely into his black tailored trousers with socks and expensive leather boots. The little prince looks simply adorable causing a rupture of cooing from people who passed by.

You peer down at your cotton gown your mother had bought for you. It may not be as nice quality of Soobin’s satin shirt, nonetheless it was very comfy and that’s all that matters to you. You were very happy to show off your new dress that your mother had bought you for your 13th birthday earlier this month. It was a lovely peach coloured gown complete with white lacy frills. You call out running after him, “Coming! Wait for me you silly prince!”

Your father was a florist down in the kingdom below running a family owned shop whilst your mother worked as gardener here in the palace gardens where she would often take you to work with her when you didn’t have school to attend. You don’t quite know how you made friends with the prince, perhaps him sitting solemnly on the bench one day with a book accompanied with a frown made you feel like he needed someone. If it wasn’t anyone else, why couldn’t it be you?

Though he was overwhelmed by your noisy and rather different etiquette to his, he found himself enjoying you company, albeit slowly. You wanted to bring him out of his shell, and you were slowly realising he was becoming more confident and happier, the closer you got over the last few months. Your best friend. Your entire world.

He also thought of you the same way; his best friend. His source of happiness from the world far away from his fingertips. You were the hand that opened his bird cage and set him free to enjoy things, though secretly without his parents knowing, you gave him confidence to have fun, to forget all the stuffy etiquette and manners for awhile to genuinely act like a teen should. Soobin couldn’t help but want to see you all the time, to be with you all the time.

So that’s what you did, you spent any moments of free time hanging out together. You begged your mother to take you with her after speed running through homework and chores. Soobin similarly hurried his things, wove between the suspicions of his parents wondering why he always loved going to the gardens a little too much. You were his escape, he was yours from a life that had too many limitations.

“Your hands are so small,” he wonders in awe. His gentle hands grip yours and you feel your heart fluttering for some odd reason. You both sit behind the largest tree in the garden. The trunk itself is wide enough to engulf you both and hide you from unnecessarily nosy prying eyes. You huff, “Well, your hands are huge. One punch and you would send someone to space.”

The young prince stares bewildered at you as you try to contain your laugh. His heart jumps a bit and he can’t help but smile widely; almost goofily at the comment.

“You’re strange you know that?” He mumbles still holding your hand. You glare, “You’re stranger.” Soobin scoffs, “This is getting nowhere, anyway this is your birthday gift.” He shoves his hand in his pocket and takes something out; it appears to be small as he engulfs it in his hand not wanting you to see yet.

You raise a brow, “It’s not my birthday.” Soobin deadpans and whispers, “it was two weeks ago I know. It’s just really late, I’m sorry about that. I worked really hard to get this. If my parents found out, it would be really bad!”

You pout slightly worried, “You didn’t do anything stupid did you? I don’t want you to get in trouble. I don’t want you to get me anything really.” Soobin rolls his eyes unfolding your hand and shoving it into your hand and proceeding to curl your fingers back over it. You feel the sizzlingly cool sensation of cold metal spread across the middle of your palm. It was smooth but tiny.

You unfold your hand revealing a beautiful silver ring. There was a single little oval shaped pink stone in the middle. He mumbles, “It’s pink quartz, by the way.”

It felt a little heavy, it felt rather real silver to you. You pale, “You didn’t steal this or something right?” Soobin glares, “You think so lowly of a prince? Mind I remind you how much money I have?”You correct him, “Your parents have, you mean.” He huffs crossing his arms; a cute pout weighs on his lips, “Whatever, do you like it or not?”

You release a little giggle. If you could you’d be screaming in joy to the stars. You got gifted a ring; your first ever ring. You couldn’t dream of affording a real silver ring. You coyly answer, “Mmm, it’s pretty and all, but the colour of the stone…you know I don’t like pink as much as I do purple.” Truthfully you were overjoyed whatever colour it was, all that mattered was it was from Choi Soobin. A little teasing couldn’t hurt.

Soobin groans, “You have even higher standards than me and you’re not even a princess!” You giggle peering at him and his eyes widen as you pull him in for a tight hug. His cheeks tint as pink as the blossoms in the trees around you. Your head rests on his chest to your amusement where you could hear his heart pounding. Not that you could laugh, yours was too.

You murmur feeling euphoric, “Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love it so much. It’s so, so pretty.” Soobin awkwardly stumbles as he then timidly wraps his arms back around you and hugs you back. His head rests on your shoulder. He murmurs, “I’m glad you like it. You should probably wear it before you lose it though.”

You let him go before going to put on the ring and he suddenly takes your hand making your heart reach your throat. “May I?”

Your eyes widen and for the first time in awhile you’ve become stunned silent. He takes the ring and gently slides it on your finger. It’s a bit loose but you didn’t mind. He frowns, “I didn’t really know your ring size but from the pre-sets I chose the second smallest. I’m sorry.”

You had the urge to hug him again but you hold yourself back and shake your head with a smile, “It’s okay. It’s tight enough that it won’t fall off, that’s good enough for me.”

Curiosity taps your mind as you ask, “How did you get this by the way without your parents knowing? Your parents don’t like me right? They always tell us not to hang out together.” Soobin seems to let a reaction mixed between embarrassment and guilt. He mumbles, “Well I went to the jewellers in the palace and I asked them to create a ring. They asked why my parents weren’t here and I said I just wanted one for myself and that I got permission to do so.” You raise a brow, “Right…”

“But the jeweller didn’t believe me and said he was going to ask my father. So I just pretended to start crying on the spot and threatened to get him fired.”

You begin to let out one of the most chaotic laughs your body could release; you never expected this of the perfect prince soobin who was known for his immaculately sensible behaviour. Soobin whines, “Don’t laugh at me! I did all this for you!”

“Sorry, sorry continue,” you chuckle out.

Soobin resumes, “well anyway, the jeweller panicked and asked to negotiate and he agreed. As for payment I couldn’t give him money otherwise the accountants in our palace would know and let my parents know. So I…”

You drawl out, “…Soobin? What did you give him?” He peers down at his right hand and your eyes widen seeing that one of his rings were missing.

You screech quietly, “You idiot! You absolute idiot! You told me that was gold! What is wrong with you! I didn’t need you to exchange your ring to get me one! Imagine how much trouble you’ll get into!” You felt like crying he had done this all for you.

You’re about to pull the ring off and take him back to the jewellers to exchange it back somehow but he stops you by grabbing your wrist. Soobin smiles at you endearingly, “Don’t worry, y/n. Really, to see your reaction, it was worth it.”

“What if you get into trouble?” Your voice ends up cracking unintentionally. Soobin hums with a sigh, “Don’t worry I told my mother whilst I was playing in the garden myself it dropped off and I looked everywhere for it. She yelled at me a lot, really used a lot of lovely sentences, but it’s okay. Nothing that I’m not used to. A single ring barely makes a dent in our collection.”

You were really trying to hold in your tears. You whimper, “You got yelled at because you got me this.” He places a tender hand on your upper arm, “You mean a lot to me, and I wanted to give you a gift that was worthy for a prince to give.”

“You being with me is enough, prince or not, Soobin,” you mumble out. Soobin’s eyes glaze over, it felt like words he wanted to hear from you, no needed to hear from you.

You didn’t just like him because he was a prince but you liked him, hung out with him because you enjoyed being with him, his personality. You didn’t find him boring or stuck up in any sort. That meant an incredibly large amount to him, something no matter how much power or money he had, it could never replace.

His cheeks burn brightly and his heart flutters as though a butterfly was fluttering chaotically in the cage of his ribs. Soobin likes you.

More than a friend.

Though you didn’t quite know it at the time, you did too. You really liked him.

Your eyes both peer softly at each other and you let out a breathless laugh. Soobin smiles warmly, “For once you’re not being mean to me.”

You lightly smack his arm, “Only for now. Plus, I’m impressed.” He raises a brow, “Why?”

You mischievously grin, “I didn’t know the prince could be a little schemer. Manipulating the poor jeweller like that.” Soobin whines dragging his hands down his face, “Oh god, you’re not going to let that go ever are you.”

“Nope.” You giggle out.

“Soobin! Soobin! It’s time for your fitting young man! Where are you?” A voice bellows out. Soobin huffs, “Oh no, I think that’s my tailor. I have to get my suit fitted, my mother is going to be there. She’ll ask too many questions again. We’ve only hung out for half an hour so far.”

Your brain whirs thinking of something, anything to prolong your time with him. You hear a bird chirp above you in the branches and your lightbulb moment appears. You tap his shoulder, “I have an idea, follow me.” He looks at you confused and slightly panicked as you begin to hoist yourself up the bark of the tree trunk. It’s kind of prickly but you manage up the first branch where you wave down and hiss, “Hurry up if you don’t want to get caught!”

Soobin nervously peers around and then back up at you frantically waving from the lowest branch.

“Soobin? Where are you young man? You better not be playing with that peasant girl again!”

Soobin sighs before beginning to climb up the tree getting his pristine white satin shirt dirty with the bits and pieces of dirt and bark. You continue to climb up higher and higher to get out of everyone’s line of sight; you were aiming for the third to last branch branch near the top so no one could spot you two. If this worked out, you’d move your hangout spot here instead!

“Keep going Soobin! We got this!” You pant out, “Slow and steady!” You reach the branch successfully and as you thought this was a thick branch and didn’t wobble around as much as the others one below. You peer down seeing Soobin struggling. It wasn’t much of a surprise considering you don’t think the prince spent much of his time during early childhood outside or even climbing anything in fact whilst it was the opposite for you.

You reach your hand out from the study branch; it was way high up; the wind was much stronger up her and the tree itself was swaying rather harshly making Soobin panic more. “I don’t think t-this is a good idea y/n-!” You scoff, “Oh come on, one more branch, hold my hand and you’ll be up here! Don’t be a scaredy cat! Trust me!”

Soobin nods and reaches his hand out and leans forward to grab your hand. Just before his fingers brush against yours you hear a deafening crack and snap. Before you know it, Soobin who was less than a metre away from was now descending. The sight that would never leave your mind.

Soobin was falling. Soobin falling fast. You let out the loudest scream you’ve ever heard and could physically produce. A sickening crunch resounds out as his body slams into the ground below, where you both were just sat mere minutes ago.

You hurriedly scramble down; tears streaming down your face as though a dam had broken. You scream, “Soobin! Oh my god, Soobin!” With how fast you skidded down the tree, your hands, knees and elbows were cut up and torn from the rough texture of the bark; but you didn’t care.

Nearby staff witnessed the young prince falling and slamming into the ground as they all rush around him. You begin to wail loudly as you see a pool of blood soak into the grass below and some of his limbs in unangled positions. He can’t be dead! He can’t be!

One of the maids place their heads against his chest and peer down at his face. “His heart is beating, he’s breathing.”

A collective sigh is heard. Soobin’s battered body writhes as he continues to bleed heavily from his head. He rasps out, “H-Hurts…sp-spinning…hurts…”

“The prince has sustained a severe head injury! Get him to medical immediately! Carry him! Carry him! Go, go, go!”

You stand there as dread fills you and you get pushed around as everyone follows where Soobin is getting transported to. You lifelessly stand there with a dead stare. This was all your fault. He got severely injured because of your selfishness.

Why? How long was it going to last anyway? His parents never liked you. Why did you both try to hard?

Now you ruined everything. You deserved it. He didn’t. ‘It should have been me,’. You think over and over.

You don’t realise what’s happening as one of the adults come up to you with their arm raised. A stinging sensation stirs in your cheek and your face is whipped to the left. You had just gotten slapped.

“You filthy wretched girl. It is your fault, how many times must you get reprimanded to not spend your time with the prince and now look what’s happened! Your foolish behaviour has now endangered the prince. If you were over eighteen you’d have been jailed! Jailed, I tell you! You disgusting child, get out of our sights. Filthy peasant, just wait till their majesties find out whose responsible!”

He continues blabbering and spitting insults at you and you find yourself tuning him out as the world become blurry as your tears fill your sight. You have nothing to say.

You knew nothing good in life would last. This was just another testament to that. Guilt couldn’t even begin to describe what you were feeling.

Two days pass and Soobin’s condition worsened as he reached the medical room and he had been unconscious for hours upon hours. He had suffered intense over bleeding and luckily he didn’t break his skull but there was a nasty cut where part of his scalp had split.

Eventually the young prince wakes up albeit in incredible pain and drifts in and out of consciousness. His mother sits beside him concerned but also infuriated. “How could you be so foolish to think you could climb up a tree that height safely? I knew that girl was bad news from the start, that’s why I told you to stick to your school friends! This is why I don’t let you interact with the commoner-“

“…huh? What tree? I…climbed up a tree?” Soobin croaked out with a killing headache. Soobin’s mother narrows her eyes, “Don’t play dumb young man.”

Soobin whines, “I don’t get anything, why am I here? Why do you keep going on about a girl? What girl?”

The mother sits up straight and places a plastic smile on her face, “My dear, rest up. I’m just worried about you. I’m a delirious that’s all, don’t worry about a thing. Do you remember what happened?”

Soobin groans, “It hurts to try and remember. I just remember being on the ground surrounded by people.”

“Sweetheart, well, I’ll explain everything later. For now your priority is to rest okay? Mother will be right here beside you. Rest up.” She hums pleasantly.

The sudden mood switch takes Soobin off guard, “But-“ She grits out, “I said. Rest. Up. Talking will do you no good towards recovery.” He goes silent.

Days pass, your own mother and father were getting a dreadful earful from the staff of the palace and unfortunately from the king himself. Though luckily due to it being an accident, no punishments were given. Though unfortunately, your mother was humiliated beyond compare.

“Stupid girl, I have told you countless times not to hangout with the prince and now look what’s happened!” Your mother decided she was going to find another job elsewhere; she couldn’t handle the shame. You felt your life getting torn apart.

You stand outside the medical room; you wanted to apologise one last time before you left and couldn’t come back without your mother tearing you apart.

“You wretch, what are you doing here? To hurt my son even more?” You pale as you see the queen herself step out of the room with vicious eyes. “What have your filthy parents taught you? Leave him alone.”

You feel angered at the insults and you cry out, “I wanted to apologise, that’s all!”

“Take you and your is useless apology and get out of my sight, child!” She screeches. You begin to weep in front of her. You help seeing Soobin in the room through the doorway behind her, “Soobin, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

Soobin who peers at all of this from his bed groans, “Mother, what’s going on? Who is she?”

Who is she?

Who is she?

Who were you?

The queen hums, “No one dear, some peasant child has got you mistaken for someone else it seems.”

You weep, “Soobin no! You know who I am! I’m sorry if I’ve upset you!” You get shoved away and tumble to the floor pathetically. “Leave my son alone.”

Soobin groans in irritation as the pounding in head exponentially gets more painful. Why did you make his head ache worse? He snaps, “Just leave us alone, I’m in already enough pain as is! Go away!”

You sit there pathetically. The queen glares, “You heard what he said, get out. Or I’ll get your mother to escort you out herself. All he thinks of you is a pitiful peasant. He gave you some of his free time out of pity. He doesn’t want to play with you anymore. That’s all.”

You just wanted the world to devour you whole and make you never see the light of day again.

<><><><>

“It’s not your fault.” Your tear filled eyes peer back at Soobin who appears to have also shed a few tears. You sniffle out, “Don’t need to make me feel better. I shouldn’t have suggested it. You took such a big fall, I ruined what we had. Now I feel even more shit, thinking that you played with me out of pity or that you were ignoring me this entire time.”

You inhale deeply as tears come out. Years worth of bottled up emotion come bubbling out like boiling water. “It’s my fault, even now. Me misunderstanding you. Soobin, you deserve someone better truly. It was my mistake to come up to you yesterday and have to remind you of all this. God…I regret everything.”

Soobin gets up and sits in the chair beside you placing a tentative hand on your upper arm. “Hey, hey. Breathe. Breathe.”

His tone was calming, soothing even. Him being next to you felt all too familiar. Yet you both were a lot more grown up.

“I… after my mother left here, I was told to stay at home more often. Just school home and to just stick with my friends at school. I ended up working with my father at the florists before the salary wasn’t good enough. Business was slow. My mother was increasingly becoming sick with age. So I went back to the palace to apply to become a gardener around a year ago. Luckily the staff since the incident had changed, except a few recognising me, most people didn’t.”

You bitterly laugh, “Gardening is all I knew how to do. My mother drilled it into me from a young age. So h-here I am, doing what she did all those years ago.”

Soobin murmurs, “Do you not like gardening?”

You shake your head with a soft smile, “I do, I love it actually. Plants give me such peace, they’re beautiful to look at, to talk to, to be with.”

Soobin comforts you, “That’s beautiful to think like that. Nature is a gift. You have a beautiful mindset.” You shrug, “I guess. It’s the only thing I know how to do well. Plus the palace pays well. Okay, not well, but better.”

Soobin frowns his heart aches. His mind was a complete frazzled mess. Some of the blurry memories become clearer and clearer with some snapshots of memories with you becoming more noticeable as though a camera lens beginning to focus on its subject.

His eyes pinpoint to the necklace on your neck. The smooth silver chain contains a hanging loop and that loop indeed looks like the ring you described to him. He murmurs, “Is that the ring?”

You bashfully smile through your tears, “It’s stupid isn’t it, still keeping it with me? You must think I have such abandonment issues.”

Soobin mumbles, “No, no I think…it’s rather sweet. It’s really cute actually.”

Your heart palpitates seeing his lips bloom into a bright smile with his cheeks glowing a faint pink. He shakes his head to get some strands out of the way of his eyes.

You hum fiddling with the ring, “It’s too small for me now, so I decided to loop it onto a plain silver necklace I bought later on like a charm of sorts.”

“I’m really happy you like it.” He smiles blissfully.

You chuckle, “You don’t remember giving it to me, but thanks.” He lets out a melodic laugh which sound heavenly to your ears. Over the years that soft pitched voice you once loved, had become more addictive with a low timbre and husk yet still with that soft edge to it. Listening to his voice felt like lying on the softest of velvets.

Soobin responds, “It’s just nice to see you smile, I can tell it makes you very happy.”

You could tell, dreadfully you could tell chatting with him now, seeing how he’s grown into this beautifully handsome man who was articulate in his feelings, endearingly shy, you were falling even harder than ever. You were scared that he’d be ripped out of your grasp once again. That you’d mess it up all.

After all, there’s no way he sees you like that now. There’s no way his parents will allow you both to be together, maybe even see each other. It was tragic.

You painfully get up; your legs felt a little shaky from all the pent up emotion. You miserably smile, “Well I should get back to work, otherwise people will notice I’ve been gone for too long. It’s probably not a good idea if we’re seen together you know. I’m glad I got to remind you of the past, and I hope that these brief memories do mean something to you. I’ll see you around, your majesty.”

You really feel like sobbing right now. You wanted to collapse into the grass and weep for hours. What did you hope to achieve by seeing him again? Telling him all this? For him to suddenly remember and just poof! Go back to the way it was?

You begin to walk your way; you decide not to turn back over your shoulder. You don’t think you could handle the sight of him watching you walk ahead.

You begin to step forward but you hear the rapid crunching of grass and you let out a quiet gasp as you feel a large hand envelop your wrist. You peer around seeing Soobin looking concerned, brows furrowed, “Who told you that I didn’t want to see you again?”

His tone held a lot more conviction than you expected. You stammer out wide-eyed, “…what?” Soobin loosens just grip on your wrist, “You were talking like we were never going to see or talk to each other again.”

You squeak out, “…are we…not?”

Soobin sighs with his eyes twinkling, slightly reddened from the tears he let out, “Accidents happen, we were younger, we were teens. I am still alive right? You didn’t push me off the tree, I fell by pure chance.”

You remain silence. “Yeah but if I didn’t climb up the tree fir-“

“Stop.” His soft yet commanding tone cuts through your sentence. “I don’t hate you for it, as I said, it was an accident. What if the same thing had happened the other way around? You had fallen instead, and I had climbed up the tree first?”

You peer away, tears once again forming in your eyes. He was so forgiving, you didn’t know whether you deserved it.

His eyes darken, “I’m more upset about what happened afterwards. Why no one told me about you, about your whereabouts. Hid you from me. Erased you from my life. When you were the only thing in my childhood keeping me sane.” Your eyes glimmer and you break down into tears.

Soobin frowns, “Oh im sorry, for making you cry.”

You sniffle out, “No, it’s not…I…” you can barely speak. Soobin tentatively walks closer and your eyes widen as he pulls you in for a hug. His arms wrap around you and your face lies on his chest. You weep even more; you hadn’t hugged him since that day; now here he was hugging you. You feel his hand cup the back of your head in a tender grip. “You are back and that’s all that matters, y/n.”

Your fingers tightly grip his overcoat as he holds you for a few moments before releasing you. You brokenly look at him, “I’ve missed you…so, so much.”

Soobin gently smiles, “I may not have remembered everything we’ve experienced but I know that I am overjoyed to see you again. It’s slowly coming back to me.”

You murmur, “Your parents won’t be happy to see us again. Your father has seen me once in the gardens and gave me the dirtiest look possible. I don’t even want to think about your mother.”

You remember Soobin’s relationship with his parents was rather distanced and cold, even cruel at times. He was treated as a mere heir that’s it. The only affection he got was either fake or from other people.

Soobin’s eyes sharpen, “It appears that my parents didn’t want us to hang out with each other after the incident. From what you’ve told me, they never liked us being near each other.” You nod, “I…yeah. I’m not a noble woman Soobin, so, I suppose that’s why.”

Soobin’s eyes twinkle, “Your status doesn’t matter to me.” Your heart flurries in your chest. “I’ve found my long lost best friend, my home.” You felt warm inside. Complete even.

Your feelings maybe be unrequited but you were happy to have him by your side once again. You’d rather that than anything else. Soobin murmurs, “I suggest you get back to work…I’m going to take care of things.” You can see the hurt and betrayal lingering in his eyes.

“Where are you going?”

He replies coldly, “I’m going to talk to my parents.” You stand there dumbfounded as he walks off. In all your life you knew him, you knew he was absolutely terrified of his parents wrath. He listened to every minute detail, every lecture, every order they demanded. To become the picture perfect prince. There was no way in hell, he was going to talk back to them.

Yet he walks off.

<><><><><

“What is wrong with you, dear? Honestly chin up. We mustn’t be seen with solemn faces.” His mother reprimands clearly already annoyed with Soobin interrupting her discussion with the king.

Soobin’s hands and legs tremble seeing both their unimpressed faces. He’s never had a positive experience with these two. Any opinions, any thoughts he’s ever wanted to share were always instantly shut down. Even a hint of sadness, guilt practically any negative emotion apart from vanity or confidence just made him seem weak in their eyes.

He knew his parents weren’t the best of rulers. Despite all this, the people adored him, hoped for him to be better than they were. Expectation that felt like he was going to be thrown into the ocean with a stone anklet where he’d sink and sink.

“Out with it, boy!” His father impatiently snaps. Soobin flinches slightly before murmuring, “I want to talk about my concussion. When I was around fourteen?”

His mother’s glare darkens and she mutters, “Why now? You’re fine.” Soobin’s eyes sharpen and his fists clench, “You lied to me.”

“Watch your tone, I did no such thing.”

“You’re lying again.” Soobin scoffs. He was fed up of it all.

His father snarls, “What is wrong with you?” Soobin bitterly mumbles (trying to keep his shaking to a minimum and trying to put on a mediocrely brave face), “Y/n. You hid her from me. You took advantage of my fall, my concussion.”

“It was minor amnesia, how could you blame us?” His mother yells. Soobin snaps with his eyes watering, “No it wasn’t you, told me that I fell down the tree myself! Even though I had felt like something was missing or off about that memory, you had always brushed me off! You manipulated me!”

His parents look unaffected by his outcry and his father merely scoffs, “Don’t tell me you saw that wretched girl?”

Soobin stammers, “What if I did?”

His mother snaps at his father, “I knew we should have fired her as soon as I spotted her around the palace. I told you!”

Soobin watches just appalled by the nature of his sorry excuse of what he called parents. How could he share a bloodline with such horrid people?

His father barks back, “Well, she’ll be gone for now, that’s for sure. I’ll get her fired immediately.”

Anger swirls inside Soobin and he shouts stepping forward, “Don’t touch her. You won’t do anything.”

“How so? Are you the king?” His father demeans. His mother looks condescendingly at him, “Did she tell you her pathetic sob story is that why you’re like this? Come now, if you wanted more friends, you could have just gone out more like i told you.”

Soobin hisses, “You took her from me once, I’m not letting it happen again.“

His mother rolls her eyes letting out an exasperated sigh, “You sound a like fool in love, I knew I should have separated you two the moment you both met back then.”

Soobin begins to crack through his brave exterior and he stammers with rage filling him, “She was my best friend. You erased her from my life like she was nothing.”

“She is nothing. You are the prince, heir to the throne of this nation. You cannot be involved with mere peasants like her.”

Soobin glares with a ferocity that was foreign to his parents, “Don’t call her that.”

The father mockingly chuckles, “I think the boy has gone and fallen for her.” Soobin splutters as emotion fills him, “No-! I just, she’s my best friend how could I not defend-“

“It is indeed tough, you won’t be seeing her again after today. Deal with it young man. Don’t disobey again. Lets finish this useless discussion and go off do something useful.” His father sharply cuts in. Soobin’s mother hums unimpressed, “If I see you with her again. There will be large consequences you hear me?”

Soobin’s eyes swirl in a dark shade making his umber irises seem murky. He had enough of everyone. He sharply snaps, “If you want an heir to the throne I suggest you mind your actions. I won’t hesitate to run off.”

His parents blood runs cold. He would never right? Is he threatening to run away?

“Soobin!” His mother screams. Soobin coldly peers at them, “I don’t care about my position anymore. You made me hate everything about it. Get her fired, and you’ll never see me in this palace again.”

His heart was pounding at a rate he’d never felt; he felt almost light headed. He’d never talked back to his parents like this; it kind of felt refreshing. Empowering even to see them stunned to silence.

“Son, let’s talk about this.”

“I have nothing to say.” Soobin slices coldly.

“Dear, you know we’re doing this for your own good, right? It’s just not right you know? What would other nobles think if they saw you associating with someone like her? I can get you a lovely prince, princess or duke or duchess to befriend instead-“

Soobin responds harshly, “I don’t want anyone. I want her.” He turns around and mutters, “think wisely whether you want your heir to your kingdom. All I ask is for one thing.”

His parents remain silently seething with anger as he slams the door closed.

Tears run down his cheeks as he walks back towards his chambers. He did it, he talked back to his parents. For the first time ever, he felt accomplished. He just hoped he hadn’t pushed them over the edge. He collapses onto his bed; he only hoped for the best.

<><><><><

Ryujin shakes her head, “See, I’m trying to process all this still. It’s been what, two days? He’s not come to see you. Are you sure about this?”

You frown, “I’m scared his parents did something. They’re rather strict you know? What if they threatened him?”

Ryujin rubs your back reassuringly, “You know, he sounds like a good guy. If you met again after all this, I feel like fate has something in store for you guys. I mean it.”

You smile at her and she gives you her characteristic smile with her dimples almost looking like whiskers. You loved it.

“Thanks, Ryujin.” She hums, “Either way, we gotta move on with life. Regardless of the outcome.” She points at your necklace, “Plus you got that pretty ring, always connected and all that.”

You chuckle, “Thanks I guess.”

She raises a brow, “You know, it’s pink quartz you told me right? I know gemstones have meanings, did he tell you why he picked this ring?”

You try to think back and your realise he never did.

“You know what it means?” You ask. She snorts, “No, I was just thinking. Pretty cute stone though. Looks romantic and shit.”

You shake your head with a goofy smile, “Yeah, I don’t think he felt the same about me as I did for him.” Ryujin teasingly smiles, “You never know, not like you asked him. He really could be your Prince Charming.”

“Very funny, but no. Even if he did, it’s obviously pointless after forgetting me.”

She winks, “Always can have another go? Leave him star struck with your fairytale-esque beauty!” You groan, “I hate you.”

She laughs, “What?”

“Hey there.” A soft tone interrupts both your chaotic chatter and you swear you could see the stars with the way your head spins. There stands Soobin surrounded with two guards. He carried with him a beautiful smile on his face; dressed in a cream satin shirt and black slacks. His black wavy locks bounce gently in the breeze and his earrings twinkle under the sunlight. He simply looked ethereally angelic.

Soobin bows courteously towards the both of you and Ryujin shoots up to standing, “Y-Your majesty, fu-goodness me I mean!” You almost burst out laughing at her change in demeanour and you both bow back.

“Good afternoon to the both of you.” He softly murmurs. He looked good, fantastic in fact; he was glowing. Maybe it was the glistening smile, the feel of happiness surrounding him. He looked really happy.

You murmur pointing to your left, “This is Ryujin. My best friend here. Of course, Ryujin you know who he is.” She nods, “It’s a pleasure to meet you your majesty.”

You snicker, “She’s not this polite usually, by the way.”

She smacks your upper arm, “What she means, your majesty is that, I can be a little playful at times.”

Soobin lets out a beautifully husky chuckle making your heart twist and churn. “No worries, no need to act differently around me. Relax.”

You notice him staring intently at you and you smile at him clutching your (unfortunately) clammy hands together. You murmur, “How did it go? With your parents?” Soobin smiles stepping forward, “Terrible.”

You stammer getting off put by his smiling face, “Uh…terrible?”

He hums, “We argued constantly, despite me finally standing up to them. I threatened to run away with you. To leave my life behind here.”

You heart stops. He’d do that for you?

“Why…? No you shouldn’t.”

Soobin shakes his head, “Don’t worry, I had feeling you’d not approve. I also don’t want to leave my people behind. I am a prince after all; it was a mere ploy.”

Ryujin clears her throat, “Well, I didn’t think the sweet prince had a scheming streak.”

You hum peering down at your ring necklace, “Oh, I see it’s still not gone. Even better at scheming than you were back then.” Soobin blushes slightly and nervously laughs, “You’re making me sound like I’m going to overthrow my father.”

He points at the blank faced guards beside him, “So my parents got extremely paranoid I’d suddenly disappear off. I didn’t want them to separate us again. They finally gave into my demands this morning.”

Your eyes sparkle in hope. Soobin smiles, “So these two guards here have been assigned to make sure I don’t leave but other than that…” he drawls off. His eyes meet your with a warm and loving gaze, “We can hang out with each other. We can be seen together regardless of what anyone says. We c-can make up for lost time.” He shyly finishes off with a pink tinge to his cheeks.

“You know I feel bad for the guards who have to witness this,” Ryujin snorts. The guards don’t reply except for having a lifelessly dead stare making her cackle. You launch yourself at Soobin and wrap your arms around him as tightly as you can. His arms lock around you as he stumbles back releasing a flustered laugh.

“You could spin her around you know, would really elevate the romance.” Ryujin hums nonchalantly. “Romance..?” Soobin stammers turning red as the roses in the garden. You clear your throat, “Ignore her, she can get a bit weird at times.”

“Fuck you too then.” She huffs. Prince Soobin pales at the language and you almost cry of laughter. “You’re going to have get to used to the colourful vocabulary.”

Soobin awkwardly murmurs, “I see…”

You laugh, “Think of it as non-royal etiquette.” Soobin clears his throat, “Seems I have a lot to learn.”

Ryujin hums playfully, “Don’t worry you’ll pick it up quick.”

Ryujin promptly leaves to get back to her shift leaving you in Soobin’s company. You peer at his features. He’s really grown. “You’re staring.” He mumbles peering back your own features.

“You’ve really grown into your features, Soobin. You’re…you’re really handsome.” You awkwardly mumble. His eyes widen and he becomes flushed. His eyes scan your face; you swear you could see his pupils dilate and linger a little longer on your lips.

Perhaps your imagination was wondering a little too much.

“You’re beautiful. Really, when i first saw you in the library, I was rather awestruck.” He admits and your heart batters against your chest. You breathlessly laugh, “We’ve changed a lot huh.”

“I think I liked you.” Soobin suddenly murmurs. Your vision almost whites out; you could have gotten whiplash from how quickly you snapped your face to his.

“…h-huh..?”

Soobin is staring at your necklace and he reaches forward nervously placing the ring between his thumb and index. He peers at it intensely.

“Pink quartz. Do you know what it means? You said this ring was custom right?” He asks.

You answer dumbfounded, “I mean yeah, you w-went to the jewellers to get this m-made.”

Soobin bashfully smiles, “Yeah, then I think…I think I definitely liked you.”

The past tense was killing you inside. Not anymore right?

The stunning gemstone sparkles and glitters under the sunlight like agast are way of stars in the night sky. The soft pink hue reflects slightly on his fingers. “It’s unconditional love. The meaning of pink quartz.”

Your heart almost stops mid-beat. You shakily speak out, “O-Oh. I’m …”

You felt like crying. Soobin was incredibly shy back then. It was his indirect way of showing his feelings. Maybe he truly did plan on confessing. Maybe if you confessed first, it would have been okay? How could you now? Did he still like you? Probably not.

Soobin’s eyes dart up to meet yours and you both get locked into a dream-like stare. His gaze was swirling with thousands of unrecognisable things. You shakily respond, “…I liked you too, you know..”

His eyes widen slightly, “…really?”

“You’re so incredibly sweet, so caring and genuine. How could I not? You always cared for me. Made me feel safe, you didn’t look at the fact I wasn’t a noble, I was just some kid from a rogue village apart of your kingdom. You understood me, you listened to me. God…I…” your voice cracks and you curse internally. You must have sounded like such a loser in his eyes. It must be obvious that you were still in love with him. How lame.

“You have a beautiful heart.” Soobin comments peering at your with glimmering eyes. Your eyes widen as he shakily takes both your hands into his ones. They felt soft, warm and comforting. You noticed how his breathing was even; he was just as anxious as you.

“Everything about you is loveable and you’re so strong,” Soobin murmurs adoringly.

“You don’t have to love me out of pity. You barely remember anything,” you bitterly laugh.

Soobin squeezes your hands in his, “I don’t remember things we did. But I really do remember how I felt about you. It’s so strong. I feel so strongly about you. It feels like I have a phoenix flying around my heart.”

A moment of silence passes and he stammers, “You make me feel complete. I had a missing piece and now I feel whole.”

Another moment of silence nothing staring into each other’s eyes with thousands of thoughts passing between you both. “I don’t want to lose you again. Because of you I finally gained the confidence to speak up against my parents. To fight for what I want. To take control of my life back.”

“So…do you still like me?” You stammer. You felt stupid. You just needed a direct confirmation that’s all.

Soobin releases a breathtaking smile, “I thought I made it obvious.”

Your eyes twinkle as a tears line your eyes. “Say it you idiot. I need verbal validation.”

Soobin chuckles, “I like you. I like you a lot. And I hope to unravel everything I’ve forgotten about our past each day and to relive them with you.”

Fuck, you were beyond head over heels. You probably could run around screaming like a maniac out of joy if you could.

“I’ve always liked you. It’s the same now. And I’m so incredibly happy to be with you again. I’ve missed you so much, Soobin. Thank you. Thank you for being my best friend, and now…”

His eyes form crescents as he smiles brightly, “Your lover?”

“Yeah. My lover.”

His eyes sparkle, “I’m glad.”

He suddenly flushes dark pink as he timidly lifts your hand and gentle places a tender kiss on the back of your hand. You feel faint.

“Just to…emphasise the point.” He awkwardly clears his throat.

You take his hand just as softly and place a peck on the back of his, “There.”

He looks incredibly flustered and you hum with a playful smile, “To emphasise my reciprocal feelings.”

Soobin nervously places his hand on the back of his neck, “I should read more romance. This all feels so new.” You tease, “Well, I have plenty of recommendations.” Soobin splutters, “Oh..?”

“Uh, where did your guards go?” You take notice peering around to see where they went.

Soobin’s eyes widen, “Oh! They seem to have left…I’m not quite complaining though. It’s nice to have alone time again.”

You let out an amused hum, “Probably would have been awkward with them standing here.”

“Not a fan of the romance genre?” Soobin jokes and you gleam, “A shame.”

Soobin felt like a dream come true, like a long romance novel that had come to an end, it felt like you were on the last page of the books you loved so much.

Just as how you both were separated by the misunderstandings and blockage of emotions, fate had brought both of you back together. As though thorns live amongst the roses, you had got your soulmate back through the hardships and thorns you had trodden on and so did he.

#choi soobin #soobin x reader #txt angst #txt x reader #kpop #kpop x reader #kpop angst #txt #tomorrow x together #txt soobin #soobin x you #txt fluff #kpop fanfic

[panelshowsource]

random thoughts dump of the week bc none of this deserves its own post

coming down from a smol john kearns kick and really enjoyed it, guy has a ridiculously sweet presence and i really like his voice. it also brings me great joy his previous career was working in museums and as a tour guide. i would like that life, i think (i worked at universal orlando for a little bit in 2013 and was always super jealous of the vip tour guides lol). he mentioned on one of his rhlstps that despite winning arguably the biggest (british) comedy awards there are, he never released a standup special or dvd, and he kinda wants to keep it that way so he has something special between him and his live audience — and that really made me sad face. like, my guy, what about those of us who can't see you bc won't leave that damn island. (also ed gamble's new tour having no nyc date felt personal...) in another episode, he talked a little about, in great part due to social media, people want comedians they can know everything about, get the whole look of; comedians who are the same people onstage as off. he's not like that and doesn't really like the idea of that. i think there's a lot to say about that subject but i'll just leave it for now...

speaking of touring ed byrne next week!!! and jimmy and alan carr coming up!! what a fun time :')

speaking of rhlstp and ed, one thing that occurred to me and i thought was quite funny upon listening to his recent episode is that both richard and ed have that self-aware side of them that admits to bitterness, professional jealousy, annoyance with critics/haters, believing they're not as successful as they deserve to be, etc. while it can come off whiney here and there, it's not too obnoxious or anything, i just found it amusing they had this (often concealed or private) quality in common. i might even put jenny eclair in that camp (others too but that's a discourse i don't really wanna start lmao)

if another youtuber, following amelia dimoldenberg (and munya? does he count?), had to go on taskmaster i would probably vote for ollie kendal off of jolly. in my mind he and alex would be genuinely good friends outside of the show

man i miss the horne section podcast so bad

honestly, i'm a little surprised david mitchell doesn't have a podcast. he loves radio, it's not too demanding of a gig, and he's got tons of interests that could make engaging premises for podcasts... i'm sure someone has floated this to him before, so i need the reason why he said no. maybe he was busy with his book. would love a history pod fr

does anyone else ever remember when david mitchell was in rick and morty and just sit back and go O_O also when he was on graham norton with hillary clinton like lmaooo i just love the idea of the booking agents for that show being like "we're having fucking hillary clinton on who can we bring for comic relief who is a household name but not problematic but intelligent but actually funny" i mean they hit the jackpot of course but it cracks me up that that's his brand

did david ever watch succession? rob def did but i need more about it from both of them

sometimes i think about when david accepted his bafta for peep show and the music that was playing while he walked to the stage was "sex on fire" by kings of leon hahahahaha like what who was djing that night fr

where did charlie brooker go

speaking of back in the day — and i do mean back, like 15+ years ago — and my main panel show obsession was buzzcocks, there were a few non-comedians who would come on panel shows who were properly fucking funny, like martin freeman and josh groban, and i'd always pray they'd eventually come on again. and i think at the time the person at the top of my list was professor green. how random is that TT he was just always up for laugh and just so likable. i also LOVED the song "just good to be green" with lily allen in like 2010 lmaooo this really ages me :)

been really enjoying some old angus deayton-hosted stuff, like old hignfy and wilty. i got into panel shows after he'd stepped out of the spotlight, but i remember being crushed when i found out about his scandal. i also remember stephen fry standing up for him and chastising paul & ian publicly after That Episode of hignfy — which absolutely blew my mind, even though stephen has always said what he thinks — and i agreed with him and am not sure even today if i fully forgave paul & ian for how they treated angus. ik he's still here and there, but i wonder if we'll ever see him in any properly notable capacity again

just watched the latest hignfy actually and jack dee pheww he's ageing very nicely let me just say it and pheww emmanuel sonubi please and thank you. also, paul's outfit was quite nice. an enjoyment of the eyes indeed

i've been making a lot of typos in my gifs lately for literally no reason other than not proofreading my rushing and it's embarrazzing i'm gonna do better

speaking of gifs i have NOTHING!!! in my drafts folder. nothing. no content. nothing is made. nothing in the queue. [sigh] sounds like tonight we be bustin it out huh. idk about other gifmakers (i actually don't follow any other panel show blogs, but this isn't necessarily a panel show blog thing, just a regular original content thing) but i don't usually make gifs throughout the week — instead, like, marathon gif like two times a week and build up 10–20 drafts to post throughout the week. if you gif every single day or to keep up with all of the new content, it starts to become a chore, which is never fun :(

speaking of which i probably won't gif outsiders too much because people don't seem to care too much about it + the webrips are just...so ugly in gif form, even at 1080p! it's a dave thing fr, taskmaster used to be the same way -_-

okay here we go into gif mode btw i got some of your requests and will def make them!!

#p #long post

[finnhyasebe]

Duncan.

When it comes to Duncan, there are three things I've been wanting to discuss for some time now. Duncan's personality, his storyline and his feelings towards both Courtney and Gwen. A lot of my thoughts will be based on his behavior in different seasons of the show, and some of them will be just my headcanons (but trust me, they'll be reasonable too). I know that TD is after all more like a comedy show, in which things that in real life we would consider bad/disturbing/impossible/off-putting/sad are simply funny to us when we watch it, because of the way they are presented. They are supposed to make us laugh, so we usually do, with or without any second thoughts. But I'm from that type of people who likes to analyze everything and everyone, even if it's just a penguin from one infamous movie. I don't care. I just love doing it.

When I watched Total Drama for the first time, which happened not so long ago actually, because when I was a kid, my parents didn't allow me watch most of the modern animation (It's a long story, and it doesn't really matter right now). I mentioned this fact because it's important for me to let you know, that I don't like any characters because of the pure nostalgia, since I never watched TD before. I started this show when I already had my own opinions and knowledge about how to share them. So when I say that I like a character, there's no doubt that I perfectly understand their flaws, bad character traits, and I like this character not because I'm wearing my pink glasses and I refuse to take them off, not wanting to stop admiring my favorite character with the same passion, with which I used to admire them when I was small.

That's why when I say I really like Duncan, it definitely doesn't mean that I never criticize him and his doings. Actually, I think that's the reason why I'm interested in his persona so much. He is anything but perfect, and this is a big "YES" to me. My favorite characters are never simple, and I doubt that yours are. It's not necessary to associate yourself (kin) with your favs, but I like to believe that still, the main reason why we like some fictional guys is something that we might have in common with them. It can be buried deep inside of you, and it can take a long time filled with constant self-analysis and concentration to figure it out, but it's usually really entertaining, and can be actually worth it.

One of the things that i want to talk about, is Duncan's part of his personality which is, in my opinion, overlooked. Some people already mentioned it, and it's pretty obvious if you think about it. But here, on subreddit, I never saw anyone talking about it, which kinda disappointed me, because even though it's pretty obvious, it's still important.

Duncan is a typical attention attractor. Yeah, I know, it really is obvious. It's kinda mixed with his "lone wolf" status, but is still really notable. You can see his attempts at making everyone look at him when he bullies Harold or somebody else (which is a rare case), or when he's simply being a brat again. Sometimes he can say something controversial, even though I'm preatty sure he knows that he's gonna get his ass kicked right after that. Like when he mocks Chris's challenges, and then it's either Chris himself, or Chef, who makes him suffer for saying crap about their ideas. You have to be an idiot to not see it coming, and Duncan isn't dumb. He may act like a total jerk at times, but he can also be sneaky, unpredictable and surprisingly intelligent when he wants to. He is really lazy and tends to give up quickly when he can't do something well from the start, unlike Courtney, who will keep on trying and trying until it's over, even if her loss is inevitable. Duncan being an attention attractor perfectly explains his behavior in TDAS, making his storyline there just a little bit more understandable. This is why I never had any problems with him "losing his edge". Because if you think about it from this angle, he never really did. All of his problems in All Stars he created himself. The easiest way to brought people's attention to you is to be insufferable and mean all the time, and that's exactly what Duncan's been doing since the first episode. I'm not saying he isn't taking any pleasure in humiliating others, he does, but in some odd way, I'd say. I'll try to explain how I see this, but before I do it, I'd like to remind you that I don't justify his actions and I'm not trying to victimize him and make him look good. I'm just trying to understand the world from his perspective, the way he sees things and how he feels. Okay, let's get to it.

Duncan's probably really insecure about a lot of things in himself. An old story about a bully being actually weaker then everyone thought might be a cliché, but is actually works in real life. Now see, Duncan's not a psychopath. He is probably a sadist at some point, but there's no way he can be an actual psychopath, a person who lacks empathy towards other people around them. You only have to remember that "bunny" episode, and how willing Duncan was to make his friend feel better to realize how caring he can be when it comes to people that matter to him. When it comes to Harold, there were some episodes in which these two could get along pretty well. In Action Duncan continued to rip Harold off, but in the same season he admitted that he values Harold in some way, and then he even praised him (TDA, episode 11, 18:00 and 18:40). In Action Duncan also mentioned that he bullies Harold for making Courtney go home in a previous season, but I think it's a lie, or just an excuse for him to not stop on mocking him. Harold is like a fall guy for Duncan, someone who can't fight him back and that's why the easiest prey. If Duncan needs to prove something to himself, he will go and punch Harold, just to calm the rage inside of him. When Duncan feels weak, he can also just say something rude about him, or do something that will make Harold look stupid. And that way, he makes himself believe that he's fine, that he's safe, that no one will try to hurt him, as long as he is not as weak as Harold.

But in All Stars? There was no Harold in All Stars, which means no one to mock. Of course, there were some other weak contestants, like Cameron, but Harold was the safest option, the one that Duncan knew for a really long time. Perhaps bullying Harold became a habit for Duncan in latest seasons, even though in WT they didn't communicate a lot due to Duncan quitting the show. So in All Stars he doesn't have that one person he will be extremely rude to, making him behave differently from the beginning, not so harsh already. He doesn't notice it for some time. But then he starts to have problems with Gwen, acting all weird and not paying him attention. And Duncan hates not getting attention. He admitted it in the first episode of TDAS, when Courtney ignored him instead of glaring back. He stopped getting the attention he needed, and then he realised how much his behavior's changed since he came there, since both Gwen and Courtney ignored and avoided him. He started acting out in attempts to make them notice him, especially Courtney, since she almost didn't say a single word to him. Duncan likes challenges, he likes when a person he's interested in is hard to get. For him, trying to make Courtney jealous was like a new game, and eventually, he went too far, making Gwen feel like a pawn, like a tool for fixing Duncney. So no wonder she dumped him pretty fast.

And now let's talk about Duncan's fears. When Gwen broke up with him, instead of understanding his mistakes and realising that the reason they aren't together anymore is his own neglect and his annoying obsession with Courtney, he immediately thought that Gwen dumped him because he's not that cool anymore, because he lost his edge. And that says a lot about him and the way he sees himself. He thinks that him being a jerk to everyone is what makes him wanted and needed, that his loved ones will love him back as long as he's strong and intimidating. That's why when he's in search of a flaw, the first thing he noticed was his change from a total "bad guy" to something more complicated, (more interesting). Duncan freaks out. Like, really freaks out. That is the only explanation to his sudden need to cause trouble, to hurt someone. He feels like he can't play the role he has been playing for his whole life, like he just can't do that anymore for some reason, when actually the most of it is just in his head. Ironically, he trapped himself in his own ball of fears and complexes, and then, because of being too afraid that everyone will notice, he starded being too obvious about it, and everyone actually noticed. While others (most of them) seemed to like his new soft and open personality, Duncan was sure that everyone secretly judges and is making fun of him. Probably with Chris mocking him all the time he just became a walking self-disappointment, thinking most of the time about how to prove that he's still strong and free. (And "free" is an important word, and we will get back to it later) That's why it doesn't matter how stupid the idea of blowing up Chris's cottage (mantion) was, it was crazy enough to seem worthy to Duncan. Just because this would be "bad" enough.

Only he miscalculated. Being so not okay with his own change made him think that everybody else isn't okay with it either. That the reason he gets hurt by others is because he isn't him anymore, and that probably makes him feel useless. He can't live his normal life when people think "wrong" of him. Duncan has so many things he wants to prove to everybody, but no one really cares about his change, and that's what Duncan's not able to understand. When the cottage is gone, Duncan is sent to prison. Was it worth it? No. Did he make everyone "respect" and "like" him again? No, he made the situation only worse. In the end, he did all of that for nothing.

I said that we were gonna come back to this "freedom" thing? Well, there's not much to discuss, I guess a lot of other users said that before me, (it goes with everything in this post, tbh) but Duncan wants to be free SO bad, that I can't imagine it being just his another act, his punk little duty. Remember how often he uses those "Hey, don't tell me what to do!" phrases? Remember how he absolutely hates being commanded? (Unless it's Courtney) And that's not just a normal thing, no, it's a huge trigger for him. He gets defensive so fast when somebody's trying to put him down. (Heather calling him "pretty boy" in TDA, episode 3 13:55) Moments like this just show how fragile and sensitive he truly is. But from where could these problems be? The most obvious answer would be his relationship with his parents. We do know that Duncan's parents are not so proud of his life, and that's not surprising at all. But that old short video with them (Duncan's parents asking him to win the money) is what makes me feel like there's more than just dissatisfaction between this family. Don't get me wrong, I think his father loves him very much, and I'm not gonna make a monster out of him for being mad at Duncan and his criminal tendencies, it's a normal thing to be mad at. But I might assume that he is a strict person, who tells people what to do on a daily basis (He's a cop after all). Of course, a lot of Duncan's impulsive decisions that he's made are easily explained by his wish to rebel, to show his father that he can't just decide for him. I mean, Duncan wasn't always a delinquent, right? I'm sure he was always weirdly loud and wayward, but his father had to push him really hard if after that his son became a criminal. But it doesn't mean that Duncan isn't brutal without his want to stand out. It doesn't mean that if his father was more lenient with him he'd behave better. Perhaps it would be only for the worst, because then Duncan wouldn't have any limits. It's just how it is and that's all. His relationship with his mother is less understandable, but I'll tell you my theory anyway. It's canon that Duncan has a lot of relatives, including siblings. (we don't know the exact number) Here's what I think: having many siblings means sharing your parent's attention. Duncan grew up dealing with the fact that sometimes he has to wait before he can get his mother to listen to him, because she's busy with the other kids. (I just assume Duncan's not the youngest, but even if he is, that doesn't change a lot) I don't think that he holds a grudge on his siblings, but I do think that he might be offended on his parents (maybe without even realizing it). So to sum up: Duncan feels like he never gets his mother's attention and thinks that the only way he can get it - is to do something big and loud, something that will MAKE her notice him. On the other hand, his father makes him feel like he owns him. Like someone is trying to take over him, make him something he isn't. That's why his crimes aren't only his attempt at making his mother more concerned of him, but also a sign to his controlling dad, that by screaming and punishing him he won't make Duncan someone else. Duncan will be himself, even if it means that his dad will be disappointed.

And the last but not the least, Duncan and his feeling towards Courtney and Gwen. There's no need to repeat how toxic both of these relationships turned out, because you have to be blind to not notice that. The main question for me is about him loving them. Did he really? Sometimes we forget that these people are teens, they were only 16 when the show started, so relationships weren't supposed to be a serious thing for them. And Duncan wasn't ready for someone as serious as Courtney for sure. Of course, he liked her appearance, her body. He liked some of her character traits, like her being extremely bossy to everyone. But he only liked her complex character in times when they weren't together, and when her anger wasn't directed at him (just check out TDA, he doesn't like it when she's treating him like an employee). It seems like she was just another challenge for him, another thing to achieve. But what happened after he got her to himself? When they were back together again, he got tired of her pretty easily, and even though they had their moments, her being constantly jealous and mad is what made him lost his interest in her. It made him stop having a crush at her. But being in love with her? It's a whole other thing. Again, they were teens. And from what I know, Duncan and Courtney had been dating for no longer than a year (While being on set of TDI and TDA, and then for some months before TDWT), and Gwuncan probably didn't last longer. The most promising couple from the show, which actually has a future was Geoff and Bridgette, since both of them are mentally stable people who can actually help each other out. Love is a really strong feeling which actually comes with time, whether you like it or not (please don't try to bring up that "love from first sight" thing), and both Gwencan and Duncney didn't have that time to truly connect. Shame. Still, my personal favourite was Gwencan, since those guys were just better for each other. Instead of trying to change Duncan, Gwen understood him and liked him the way he was. If only AS didn't happen they might've been the best couple in the show for me! Fresh TV completely messed up Gwen's priorities in All Stars. In WT she's sad that her friendship with Courtney is over, but she mostly glad that now she doesn't have to hide anything and can be with the guy she likes without any secrets! Then, in the end of WT Gwen doesn't care abouth her at all, and THEN, in AS she's suddenly obsessed with Courtney forgiving her, and AT THE SAME TIME she keeps defending herself, explaining why she didn't steal anyone. If you think that you didn't do anything wrong, then why are you sorry? For what? It was such a pain to watch Gwuncan die like this. Especially when they just made her stop liking Duncan immediately after AS started. It was like these two never happened and she didn't have that crush on him for some time (she already liked him after TDA ended). But I don't hate Duncney. It was also really entertaining and I liked them at first. They could've been a perfect example of two difficult people getting better together, helping each other overcome their weaknesses. Them being different might've been the best thing about their duo! The problem was... Courtney. And her lack of character development in the next seasons after TDI. Duncney's perfect climax should've been Courtney losing the season and not winning the money but not caring so much already, because Duncan helped her become more laid back and not so impulsive and demanding. Fair? Maybe not. Healthy? Healthier then if she actually wins the money and just lives in that mad state forever, until she dies.

I guess I'm out of thoughts. For now...

It you actually spent your time on my little read, then let me know your opinion in the comments! I wanna hear your thoughts on everything you wanna share with the internet! How do you feel about Duncan? Gwuncan or Duncney? What headcanons do you have? Write whatever you wanna write and just go and, I don't know, drink some milk?

How do I finish this?

#total drama #total drama island #duncan #duncan total drama #total drama world tour #total drama all stars #duncney #gwuncan

[laurelwen]

Nigel Colbie - Astrological Birth Chart

Sun - Pisces

As spiritual beings, Pisces may appear cold and have trouble being actively social. Their aloofness might make them seem standoffish. Easily misunderstood and sometimes callous about how they are perceived in the public eye, they withdraw or close off without a warning. The penchant for fantasy or seeing things as they want to see them can lead to dishonesty. Some Pisces live in a world of their own and grow dangerously disconnected from "real" life. 

It's hard to get ahold of what a Pisces man truly wants. He has dark fantasies especially when it comes to his love life. There will be plenty of skeletons in the closet that no one knows or would know about. A Pisces man's heart is an ocean of secrets, buried deep are stories and experiences that leave them with heavy baggage.

This sign gets attached quickly. When they fall, they fall hard. They won’t be able to think about anything other than their partner. Unfortunately, this means they’re going to suffer if the relationship ends. They won’t see the breakup coming, so it will destroy them.

Ascendant - Virgo

Generally, there is an intelligent and reserved aura about Virgo rising individuals that is unmistakable. These are actually somewhat shy people who need time to analyze things around them before they warm up to both situations and people. This quality can be received exactly as that, or it can be received as a rather stand-offish, cool, and even critical manner (depending on the audience). They do everything skillfully with a fine sense of craftsmanship and precision, perfectionism, care and attention to detail. They are keenly observant and have an acute sensitivity to each and every thing in their environment; therefore, they attend to small things that others do not readily notice, the subtleties, the fine points. 

They typically have a slim build and average height. Their features are delicate and refined and give a youthful appearance, often with pale skin and dark hair.

Moon - Scorpio

Moon in Scorpio people seek out emotional intensity. No matter what, there is something very intense about them. They are diggers when it comes to the world of emotion–they can see beyond facades and cut right to the core of a person. Lunar Scorpios have exceptional “radar” that allows them to size up a situation–and a person–quickly and expertly. This ability to understand human motivation and nature can be too close for comfort for some. Their intuition is enormous, although it is sometimes self-serving.

If their lives are regular in any way, there can be an unconscious need to test their own strength and stir up emotional excitement. Even in the absence of experience, they seem to “just know” things. It would be difficult to shock or scare away Lunar Scorpios in the face of emotional honesty and power.

Moon in Scorpio people often have a strong fear of betrayal. They seek out commitment, and feel the need for a partner to give up something for them. Some will put the people they love through a series of tests, and these are not always conscious. Even the shy ones have enormous presence.

Mercury - Pisces

Mercury in Pisces picks up on subtleties in the atmosphere that others might not pick up. They have eerie links to others. Their mind is the ultimate psychic sponge, which is both a gift and a challenge. They need lots of time to reflect and unwind their thoughts and create space to 'listen' to their own rich inner narrative. They also sense the undercurrents, as if there's a running narrative of what's not being said.

The shadow side of this is the danger of self-deception. They can believe things that are true in their mind, and this can lead to lying. Their imagination is so strong that it might seem real, but only be something self-created. 

Life is a story for Mercury in Pisces, and they are the main character. They may make up fake storylines in their head: conversations with people that they are never going to have, or love stories that won’t actually happen. These are all part of their own personal dramatic retelling of their story.  Sometimes, these fake realities feel better and more real to a Mercury in Pisces person than their own life. Self-deception can easily set in, and they can become entirely delusional, preferring to live in their own made up world rather than the real one.

Venus - Capricorn

People with Venus in Capricorn seem to be very serious, rigid and even arrogant as deep down in their hearts they feel that they are better than others. Holding an image of cold pride makes it difficult to relate to other people and find friends or potential partners, especially in youth. They are not spontaneous nor funny so it is very difficult for them to have fun with other teenagers. A person with Venus in Capricorn is often shy and self-controlled, so they have difficulties in expressing feelings. If Venus in Capricorn is in the chart of a man, he will be terrified to make the first step because the fear of rejection will paralyze him. Their whole world breaks down if the person they love rejects them because it hurts their pride too much.

They want to join with someone that they can build an empire with. They've got a shrewd eye for good partnerships, and this can get them ahead in the world. Anything they create seems well-constructed, and might be rooted in a sense of place or tradition. They build things to last, with an eye on leaving a lasting legacy. They're likely interested in antiques and artifacts, and may have collections of these things.  There's something soulful about them, made all the more intriguing because they keep so much private.

Mars - Scorpio

Mars in Scorpio natives love to challenge themselves to do the impossible. They throw themselves into what they decide to do with concentrated energy and awesome willpower. They have the potential to exploit others–they see through others and rely heavily on their gut feelings. They are attracted to taboos and enjoy scenarios in which the “other” is giving in to them, wants them completely, and will do absolutely anything for them.

They are mesmerizing and are drawn to charisma in others and intense scenarios.  They've got the classic smoldering intensity​ and look a little dangerous, too. They've got great stores of emotional power and energy stirring within. They come across as observant, self-controlled, and yet ready to pounce on an opportunity. They have an instinct for the energy of others and what's unseen, like hidden desires. They can get obsessive, and hold on to others in a mysterious way that's borderline vampiric. Still waters run deep, and emotions are intense and overwhelming.

They are prone to acting obsessively, and likely find it hard to forgive and forget. Theirs is a combo of risking it all and then dealing with the fall out. They've got hungry eyes, which is another turn on for those whose gaze they meet.  They're turned on by fights, especially when followed by make-up sex. They often mix aggressive handling and primal energy with tenderness and possessiveness.

Alex Forbes birth chart here

#like minds #nigel colbie #change my mind #i welcome any and all differing opinions #i've been debating these placements in my head for weeks #i pretty sure alex is an aries #and i would know because so am i #jack has a completely different chart because was born during these events #he has to be one of the winter signs #but not holidays so that rules out Sagg or Cap #he might be a scorpio #i reserve the right to change my mind #make the content you want to see #why am i like this

[stardustprompts]

bo burnham’s  inside   sentence starters 2.0 +  the inside outtakes change tenses/pronouns as needed !!  some lines have been edited for clarity / length / ease of roleplaying tw :  mental health ,  depression , suicidal thoughts ,  nsfw ,  language

‘and so today I’m gonna try just getting up, sitting down, going back to work.’

‘might not help but still it couldn’t hurt.’

‘I’m sorry I was gone.’

‘what the fuck is going on?’

‘I wanna help to leave this world better than I found it.’

‘the world is so fucked up.’

‘I self - reflected and I wanna be an agent of change.’

‘maybe I should just shut the fuck up ....  I’m bored.’

‘should I be joking at a time like this?’

‘that’s the deepest talk we’ve ever had.’

‘it’s similar to a constant state of sleep paralysis.’

‘don’t you know that the world is built with blood! and genocide and exploitation...’

‘don’t burden me with the responsibility of educating you. it’s incredibly exhausting.’

‘this isn’t about you. so either get with it, or get out of the fucking way!’

‘I hope you learned your lesson.’

‘I can’t believe it. it’s been a decade since you’ve been gone.’

‘still figuring out how to keep living without you.’

‘it’s got a little better but it’s still hard.’

‘can any single person shut the fuck up about any single thing for an hour? is that possible?’

‘the coffee is free, just like me. I’m an unpaid intern.’

‘I’m being a little pretentious.’

‘it’s pretty unlikable that I ... that I have this need, this desperate need, to be seen as, uh, intelligent.’

‘it’s a defense mechanism. I’m so worried that criticism will be levied against me that I levy it against myself before anyone else can.’

‘look at where you came from. look at you now.’

‘sexting. it isn’t sex, it’s the next best thing.’

‘we’ll talk dirty like we’re ancient egyptians.’

‘jesus fucking christ, I guess I never learn.’

‘I was a kid who was stuck in his room. there isn’t much more to say about it.’

‘there isn’t much more to say about it.’

‘when you’re a kid and you’re stuck in your room, you’ll do any old shit to get out of it.’

‘you went out to look for a reason to hide again.’

‘now come out with your hands up, we’ve got you surrounded.’

‘isn’t anybody going to hold me accountable?’

‘I tried to hide behind my childhood and that’s not okay. my actions are my own, I won’t explain them away.’

‘and I’m really fucking sorry.’

‘I turn thirty in less than a minute.’

‘I used to wake up with a smile, and go to bed at night with a dream. but now I’m turning thirty.’

‘oh fuck. how am I thirty?’

‘I used to make fun of the boomers. in retrospect, a bit too much.’

‘and now my stupid friends are having stupid children.’

‘I’ll be honest with you, didn’t love it.’

‘we shouldn’t be dead forever, yet. so let’s not, right?’

‘nevermind, I don’t wanna know.’

‘I thought it’d be over by now. but I got awhile to go.’

‘I’m holding the flashlight like a cop. why am I doing that?’

‘are you feeling what I’m feeling? I haven’t had a shower in the last nine days.’

‘staring at the ceiling and waiting for this feeling to go away. but it won’t go away.’

‘well, I feel like shit. feeling like a saggy , massive bag of shit.’

‘my current mental health is rapidly approaching, um. an ATL. which is, uh, an all time low. not ... not atlanta.’

‘I feel okay when I’m asleep.’

‘could I interest you in everything all of the time?’

‘you know, it wasn’t always like this.’

‘and if we stick together, who knows what we’ll do.’

‘it was always the plan, to put the world in your hand.’

‘and that has made me completely freak out.’

‘one should only engage with the outside world as one engages with a coal mine. suit up, gather what is needed, and return to the surface.’

‘in honor of the revolution it’s half - off at the gap.’

‘there it is again. that funny feeling.’

‘hey, what can ya say? we were overdue.’

‘but it’ll be over soon, just wait.’

‘I am not ... well.’

‘don’t be scared. don’t be shy. come on in, the water’s fine.’

‘pray for me.’

‘I got better.’

‘I’ve been hiding from the world and I need to reenter.’

‘you say the whole world’s ending, honey, it already did.’

‘you’re not going to slow it, heaven knows you tried.’

‘so this is how it ends.’

‘I’m slowly losing power.’

‘has it only been an hour? no, that can’t be right.’

‘am I going crazy? would I even know?’

‘oh shit. you’re really joking at a time like this?’

‘it’ll stop any day now.’

the inside outtakes 

‘am I dying? is this real? oh, right, it’s this again.’

‘is it gonna end? when?’ 

‘I’ll bother getting better when I bother getting dressed.’

‘I don’t know what’s happening.’

‘what the fuck is going on?’

‘I wanna be my dad in the 80′s.’

‘if I could be anybody dead or alive, I would want to be my dad in 1985.’

 ‘I just wanna feel good.’ 

‘can you teach me how to feel good?’

‘buy some jeans and find out why jeans are jeans.’

‘maybe i’ll feel better when I go to bed. maybe, but probably not.’

‘if your least favorite word is ‘moist’ and you tell people that ... I hate you.’ 

‘my least favorite word, by the way, is ‘injustice’.’ 

‘just google it. you’re an adult, you can figure it out.’ 

‘you know me and I know you.’ 

‘you’re a psycho. and I don’t want to fight so let’s just drop this, it’s not a big deal.’ 

‘for the record, you own me a dumpling. I mean it, I won’t forget. you owe me a dumpling or a dumpling equivalent.’

‘um, no, fuck that.’ 

‘shit like this brings the movement down.’ 

‘everyone’s a feminist until there is a spider around.’ 

‘I’m trying to make microwave popcorn, in the microwave.’

‘that’s kind of a wide range...’

‘I burnt my fingie...’

‘shit, I burned it.’

‘how’d I miss this button? there’s a button and the button says ‘popcorn’ on the microwave.’

‘I often wish I could just start over.’ 

‘I ain’t afraid of no spider.’ 

‘show yourself! you motherfucker! show yourself!’ 

‘it’s very upsetting that the future is in front of now, do y’know what I mean? like that we have to keep living from now, onward.’ 

‘this isn’t a joke, so don’t joke about it.’ 

‘not ideal, but we’ll make it work.’ 

‘just a little update; time is still ... passing.’ 

‘am I going crazy? maybe, maybe not.’

#bo burnham sentence starters #bo burnham prompts #inside sentence starters #inside prompts #the inside outtakes prompts #the inside outtakes sentence starters #bo burnham masterpost #rp memes #rp prompts #rp sentence starters #repost #I couldn't NOT do an update

[diamondnightingaleif]

Sabin or Sabina Scarlat are a romance option in Diamond Nightingale-If. They come from the town of Sinaia in Romania, and are currently 26. They made their debut at 13 in the Romanian National Selection for the Diamond Chick, they were the runner-ups, MC was the winner. The next year after that in 2011 they represented Romania in that edition of the Diamond Chick. They have been friends with MC ever since they have met each other in the national selection in 2010. Prior to joining forces with MC to form their duo, Sabin/Sabina had a moderately successful music career, having released two albums.

Sabin and Sabina are deeply introverted individuals, who are most comfortable in the quietness of their own company. They can be quite reserved, particularly around people they don't know, but once they open up, they can be warm, kind, and engaging. They are both incredibly passionate about their art, and they are known for being their own harshest critics, striving constantly for perfection. Their dedication and enthusiasm for their craft are infectious, and they inspire those around them to work harder and do better. However, they also struggle with criticism and are prone to taking it too personally, which can lead to self-doubt and anxiety. They also have a tendency to procrastinate, which they recognize as a flaw but find it challenging to overcome. Nonetheless, their passion and dedication to their art continue to drive them forward, and they are always looking for ways to improve and grow as artists.

Sabin has short, straight chestnut hair that falls neatly on his head and frames his face. His hair has a rich, warm color that complements his pale skin tone. He sports long stubble that gives him a rugged and slightly unkempt appearance. His brown eyes are warm and inviting, often revealing his emotions and thoughts. They have a slight twinkle in them when he is excited or passionate about something. Sabin is of average height, with a lean and athletic build. His features are sharp and defined, with a strong jawline and chiseled cheekbones. His nose is straight and slightly pointed, adding to his attractive and distinctive appearance. He has the same style as MC, except he uses a lot of mutated greens, teals and blues, especially blue-grey.

Sabina has short, wavy hair that falls just above her shoulders in a bob. Her hair is a warm chestnut color, with a few subtle highlights that add dimension and depth to her locks. She wears it in a stylish side braid, with a few loose strands framing her face. The braid accentuates the soft curves of her jawline and highlights her delicate features. Sabina's eyes are a warm brown that shine with intelligence and warmth. Her nose is small and slightly upturned, adding to her youthful and playful appearance. She has a slim build and stands at an average height. She has the same style as MC, except she uses a lot of mutated greens, teals and blues, especially blue-grey.

A lot of things about them are closely related to MC, like their genre, aesthetic. They can be romanced by MCs of all genders. Depending on your choices, you can remain friends, become romantic partners with either the option to develop feelings for them during the contest, or you could have had a crush on them for some time.  

#sabin #sabina #romance options #characters #duo partner

[femmefatalevibe]

Hi femme!

How can i become emotionally intelligent?

Embrace self-awareness & self-reflection: Observe how you feel, behave, and how people generally respond to your words/actions in different situations

Practice self-regulation: Learn to differentiate between your feelings and the actions that would be appropriate in a specific setting or interaction. Internalize that feelings are fleeting and non-factual. You're in control of how you respond/(don't) act on these emotions

Engage in active listening: Pay attention to what others are saying with the intent of understanding, not responding

Focus on emotional differentiation: Understand where your thoughts, feelings, intentions, and opinions end and another person's identity/perception begins

Display radical empathy and acceptance: Understand that almost all people's words and actions result from their own beliefs, past experiences, and current life circumstances/priorities. Put yourself in their shoes when attempting to understand their choices, behaviors, and times they come to you to discuss a problem, success, or major life decision. Accept that you can only control what you do. Very little of other people's actions/the world's workings are personal. Things are happening around you, not to you

Let go of your ego: View yourself as objectively as possible with the potential for improvement. Abolish any superior complex or overwhelming desire to prove your self-importance in others' lives and decisions

Remain open-minded: Question your own beliefs and opinions. Stay curious as to why you believe them to be true/authentic to you. Allow your opinions to change or have the capacity to modify your beliefs upon hearing new information. Understand your worldview and values are valid, but they're not definitively correct beliefs, just because they resonate/feel comfortable for you

Be receptive to feedback: Embrace constructive criticism as a self-improvement tool. Approach it with curiosity and optimism, not as a personal attack.

Differentiate between your feelings and capabilities: Your thoughts are not facts. Remember you can do things you don't feel like doing most of the time (work, waking up in the morning, working out, etc.). Learn the difference between being a slave to your emotions and genuinely running out of energy

#emotional intelligence #emotional regulation #emotional maturity #inner work #social skills #socializing #networking #social interaction #emotional resilience #people skills #self improvement #successhabits #glow up tips #femme fatale #dark femininity #dark feminine energy #it girl #high value woman #the feminine urge #queen energy #female power #dream girl #female excellence #high value mindset #life tips #adulting #life advice #femmefatalevibe #q/a

[isfjmel-phleg]

I posted 2,140 times in 2022

That's 560 more posts than 2021!

910 posts created (43%)

1,230 posts reblogged (57%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@brown-little-robin

@scarvenartist

@fictionadventurer

@isfjmel-phleg

@lady-merian

I tagged 2,133 of my posts in 2022

#random personal stuff - 585 posts

#the blackberry bushes - 169 posts

#asks - 166 posts

#scarvenartist - 117 posts

#fictionadventurer - 115 posts

#brown-little-robin - 109 posts

#thank you! - 90 posts

#lady-merian - 79 posts

#elystan liddick - 76 posts

#an illusion of wings - 76 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#relatively down-to-earth commoner child paired with and often annoyed by a royal child with a weird upbringing and overwhelming personality

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

So we're doing Bingo again?

63 notes - Posted November 26, 2022

#4

Not much of a one for gushing in general, but this is me politely banging pots and pans outside your door and informing you that you need to 

READ LEAVE IT TO PSMITH

READ IT

READITREADITEREADIT

It’s so good, it’s in public domain in the US, I promise you will enjoy it, what’s stopping you?

121 notes - Posted April 19, 2022

#3

(Young Justice 1998 #7 and #55)

Attitudes toward mortality at the beginning and end of the series.

154 notes - Posted November 14, 2022

#2

I finally put my finger on why a lot of adaptations and retellings of The Secret Garden feel thematically off to me.

So many of these interpret it as a story about healing from grief and loss. Which is very true of Mr. Craven’s subplot, but not for Mary and Colin.

It’s about healing from emotional neglect.

This is mirrored in the neglected garden and how the children’s restoring it--giving it the love and care and attention that they themselves have lacked--heals them in turn. Forming emotional connections is the first step in Mary’s recovery, and the Sowerbys are crucial to the plot because they’re the first people Mary has known who take an interest in her emotional well-being. Colin meanwhile has his turning point when Mary confronts the root of the emotions he’s never been able to address to anyone. These are very different issues from those surrounding loss of a loved one. In fact, these children are the way they are because they’ve never had loved ones.

So to rewrite the story as centrally a tale of overcoming grief recontextualizes everything about the protagonists, and the characterization either makes less sense or needs to be altered accordingly.

Nothing wrong with stories about overcoming grief, of course. That’s just not the story Burnett was telling, and I’m not sure where the shift in interpretation comes from, or why it’s so prevalent.

213 notes - Posted July 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

We’ve finally arrived at an infamous line from Dracula, and I’d like to share some thoughts before anyone (like many, many critics before them) reads too much into Lucy’s comment about her three suitors.

From what we’ve seen (and will continue to see...I’m going to refer to some things that haven’t happened yet), Lucy’s intelligence is primarily interpersonal. She reads others’ mental states well, she’s strongly empathetic, feels things more acutely than others, and speaks out against what she sees as insensitivity. She has an interesting blend of demonstrativeness and reticence. Although she expresses her emotions readily when writing to her friend and when turning down Seward’s and Morris’s proposals, the way she declares to Mina, “There, that does me good,” after confessing her love for Arthur and thanks Mina for allowing her to be “able to tell you and to have your sympathy” suggests relief at being able to express something held back. She admittedly tries to be “a tough nut to crack” in front of Seward and is reluctant to give even Mina the full details of Arthur’s proposal. As much relief as she finds in emotional openness, she also seems to need to self-censor.

The reason lies in the keynote of her character: her need to please other people. One literary critic I’ve encountered has criticized her for apparently having no life beyond her mother and suitors. Lucy’s suitors do indeed take up a lot of her letters’ content, but before these letters comes a request from Mina: “Tell me all of the news when you write. You have not told me anything for a long time. I hear rumours, and especially of a tall, handsome, curly-haired man???” Lucy obligingly gives her friend the information she knows her to be most interested in hearing. As she tells Mina, “I have nothing to tell you. There is really nothing to interest you” (emphasis added). What we know of Lucy so far is only what she believes is relevant to Mina’s interests.

While she does love Arthur greatly, it's telling that the first thing she tells Mina about him is “he and mamma get on very well together; they have so many things to talk about in common.” Presumably he and Lucy relate to each other too, but her primary concern is her mother’s approval of her love interest. Once engaged to Arthur, she is careful to tailor herself to his preferences.  Likewise, she filters her emotions through the need to please; she admits she’s “very, very happy” at her engagement but considers herself undeserving and vows to “try in the future to show that I am not ungrateful.” Even while struggling with some incredibly traumatizing things herself, she shows concern for Mina’s anxieties about Jonathan and tries to console her. Later, we’ll see that her letters to Mina and her personal diary present very different pictures of her state; she glosses over her own pain to keep her friend from worrying. She similarly tries to “cheer up” to keep Arthur from being “miserable to see me so” and downplays her problems for the sake of her ailing mother. Even her private diary’s last entry ends not with a comment for her own benefit but an address to others: “Thank everybody for being so good to me! Thank God! Good-night, Arthur” It is as if she struggles to conceive of an identity for herself beyond her relation to others.

Given Lucy’s family situation, it makes sense that she would grow up with this mindset. As the only daughter of a widow, she is her mother’s only immediate family, and pressure seems to be placed on her in this relationship. Her mother expects her to marry, and Lucy does so, with attention to which suitor her mother gets along with. Her mother’s will even leaves “the whole estate, real and personal” to Arthur, requiring that Lucy marry him if she is to have any inheritance. Lucy seems reluctant to be open with her mother, judging from her relief at being able to confide in Mina, and her insistence on concealing her increasing struggles from her mother. Although the delicate state of Mrs. Westenra’s health is ostensibly kept from Lucy, she is implied to be aware that her mother is not well and feels responsible for her health and well-being.

This quality places Lucy’s conduct toward her suitors in a new light. Her remark “Why can’t they let a girl marry three men, or as many as want her, and save all this trouble?” is commonly interpreted by critics as voracious desire for as many men as possible. Lucy’s rhetorical question is indeed unorthodox, as she acknowledges, and viewed in isolation, it does appear to support a reading of an over-sexualized Lucy. However, placed back into context, it becomes more consistent with her desire to please than any unusual lust. 

Lucy begins her account to Mina of the proposals with mixed feelings: ��Just fancy! THREE proposals in one day! Isn’t it awful! I feel sorry, really and truly sorry for two of the poor fellows. Oh, Mina, I am so happy that I don’t know what to do with myself. And three proposals!” She is clearly flattered by the validation of attracting three men, but her happiness, as indicated later in the letter, refers to her engagement to Arthur more than to exultation at multiple conquests.

Her intermixed sorrow is not on her own account but on the behalf of the men she must reject. She shows no self-pity. Her empathetic nature takes on the emotions of her suitors in addition to her own; as she tells Mina, “it isn’t a happy thing when you have to see a poor fellow, whom you know loves you honestly, going away and looking all broken-hearted, and to know that, no matter what he may say at the moment, you are passing quite out of his life.” So she feels “so miserable, though […] so happy.” After Quincey Morris’s proposal, she is overwhelmed with guilt for “almost making fun of this great-hearted, true gentleman” as she turns him down. This deep regret at having to disappoint another good, worthy person leads her to bring up marrying multiple men as a means to “save all this trouble” of the rejected ones’ pain and her own sorrow at not being about to please everyone.

Therefore, the emphasis in Lucy’s infamous line is not lust but her own sensitivity to others’ emotional pain. Once she is engaged to Arthur, she shows no sign of wanting the other two back or seeking them out in any way. This is not the behavior of a woman driven by desire for multiple partners. Choosing Arthur pleases her mother and herself, but for someone as committed to taking responsibility for everyone’s happiness as Lucy, a solution that does not satisfy all parties can be difficult to take.

For more on this reading of Lucy, I highly recommend Leah Davydov’s article “Why Can’t They Let a Girl Marry One Man?: The Origins of Lucy Westenra’s Suitors” (Journal of Dracula Studies, vol. 18, 2016, pp. 5-29).

777 notes - Posted May 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#random personal stuff #had to add a cut because the posts are crazy long #Stuff I Post A Lot About: my stories #Stuff People Actually Like: ANYTHING BUT THE STORIES OH NO #anyway top five are 5) the bingo thing 4) urging people to read that book you guys had mixed feelings about #3) comicsposting that broke containment 2) a TSG post that took off somehow (because buzz term?) #and 1) the infamous Lucy post where people were like 'yes but also the thing you were arguing against' #(there was another post on the same topic that I had to make private because it got out of hand) #thanks everyone for sticking around and putting up with all the writing talk and personal whining and a sudden uncharacteristic new fandom #it's been fun

[xx-lemon-drop-xx]

hi, i go by kaso (he/she). requesting for the twst and ror boys (with the exception of idia and leona)

im mostly on the neutral centerpoint when it comes to myself. im an introvert. im calm, mellow, down-to-earth. im also observant as i pick up small things n remember them when the time is right. also to js sniff out peoples intentions but its more of the first most of the time.

im a soft-spoken guy. usually im relaxed and unshaken, though my motivation seems to come on a whim ebery other day so i may seem out of it at times. its easy to keep my composure for most things and keep my emotions in check.  i have tendencies to be passive-aggressive when provoked and im kinda stubborn. but im chill and friendly.

its easy for me to pick up from setbacks. im naturally intelligent but i dont really study to keep it.. its not like i dont want because im quite self-aware its just the lack of motivation. im also quite clever when the time comes.. cant explain it but its kinda easy to play the cards right when its laid out in my favour.

i may have an avoidant attachment of the sort im not sure.

when it comes to humour, im genuinely such a corny person and its always a hit or miss for my jokes. its also tinged with satire and sarcasm most if not all the time. i love to laugh and will find anything funny that might come out of your mouth.

i enjoy indulging in my interests, listsning to music, drawing and other things. i dont really have set things i enjoy, i just do whatever makes me happy tbh. i love having fun but it drains me. id try everything once if i could js so i can mak the most of the moment. im quiet when i go abt this though.

i think my greatest fear is being unable to uphold to what ive created and not achieving my dreams.. im not so sure if it truly bothers me though. i experience small emotional highs and lows so maybe thats why.

i cant tolerate critical people who need to call you out for every flaw or people that cant keep their mouth shut. not chatty or talkative people im talking abt those who gossip. trust is a really big thing for me and its honestly a huge turn off.

i love with actions rather than words. i try and take my time with someone and treat them with the best care i can muster. im very passionate abt the things and people i love and i feel and care deeply even if i show it terribly. its in the little things. my love languages are quality time and parallel play.

im not sure if i have a type if im being honest.. never really thought hard on enough.. is not being an ass to other count?? like idk bare minimum wins i suppose.

I pair you with: Adam!

Calm and open-minded with a bit of a sarcastic kick to him, Adam finds your calm yet stubborn and sarcastic demeanor amusing in a friendly way. He is not very opinionated himself, even towards the gods as shown when he was only fighting for his children, though he respects your opinions nonetheless.

Adam prefers to sit under a tree with you, and tap through music on this device you've labeled as a "Phone" he'd never seen such a thing before though he was also more than interesting to him. Adam would likely eat grapes while listening to music and watching you draw, though I don't think he'd try it out himself.

He is quick to compliment you and finds your drawings interesting. He is chatty 50% of the time, though being more so favoring in quietness himself he understands that you are more introverted. Adam is likely to take you on walks around the forest to enjoy the scenery, and being around multiple animals he would likely teach you the correct way to feed some of them such as having a deer eat an apple out of your hand.

Adams most enjoyable thing about you would be your eyes. They're the window to the soul, or so he claims they are.

Character matchups found here

#character matchups #Record of ragnarok #ror adam #shuumatsu no valkyrie

[invncibleiron]

@destruqtivist continued from here 

It was one of those things that seemed to just make sense to him. Steve liked to think he was a relatively decent person. He genuinely wanted the best for everyone and the world around him, often at his own detriment. Tony had been someone he hadn’t thought too favorably of at the start. He had taken Tony’s bravado at face value and hadn’t seen the motives behind his beliefs. They had different methods but ultimately, they had wanted the same thing.

After that stumble, Steve was able to see Tony a lot more properly. A man smarter than those around him, more witty and clever; aggravatingly so at times, and charming--completely able to suck anyone’s attention in any room. Somewhere along the way of these realizations Steve had staggered his way into caring about the other man a lot more than he could have ever expected. With that came Steve wanting to help him in his goals, support him on a daily basis, and sneak a lot of kisses when Tony was wrapped up in his work--he always looked so adorable talking science to a Steve who didn’t quite fully understand any of it--so, yes... Steve just wanted Tony. He didn’t want to say he was ‘old schooled’ ‘cause he was certain Tony would chew that up and tease him relentlessly but there was a dissonance to modern world. People could be awful and the way they navigated this world they shared was often deceitful, self-motivated, and for their own benefit with little regard to anyone else around them.

Steve feels a little stuffy in the suit as he reaches over for Tony, a gentle pat to the other’s arm. He probably wouldn’t have come if not for Tony. There were soldiers and those behind the scenes--Steve’s expertise was on a battle field, not navigating senators, politicians, celebrities'.. He didn’t really care much for this part of ‘hero business’. He understood the importance of public support for the things the Avengers did but it didn’t mean he welcomed the idea of rubbing elbows with those who didn’t take the risks they did yet found it in themselves to be hyper critical or think of monetary gain.

However, he did like watching Tony verbally waltz his way through a room looking devastatingly handsome and intelligent. Being arm candy to the smartest man in the room wasn’t too bad especially when Tony would probably be awarded and congratulated for some thing he had inevitably invented or done, Steve finding a lot of pride for the other and everything he was capable of. “Little do they know I’m getting the best deal.” Steve mutters as he leans over to press an encouraging kiss to Tony’s cheek chaste and light, “You can offer me anything in this world and I would always be decided on just having you.” Cheesy, ridiculous, sickeningly in love, but honest. “If you need to be rescued any tonight just give me a look. I’ll come and sweep you away from them with a convincingly real lovesick boyfriend act.”

Sometimes, Tony still couldn’t believe Steve was real. How was it that there was anyone in the world so completely and achingly earnest? Even just a few short months ago, Tony might have raised an eyebrow at the cheesy line, and a few months before that, he’d have thought Steve was softening him up for something--or playing some sort of prank. He might have even teased Steve for being an old timer, throwing out lines like he was playing a role in the sort of sickening (and unrealistic) love story you’d find in the paper-pack section of a grocery store. Maybe it was something about the time he’d been born, maybe it was just who Steve was to his core--a hopeless romantic--but Tony had learned to take him at his word. Steve meant every word he said, and he wasn’t playing at wearing his heart on his sleeve. He meant it all, and that still made no sense to Tony, still seemed like a strange fever dream that, of everyone in the world, Steve had chosen to be here with him. But he was learning, slowly, to accept it. After all, his life was filled with impossible things--aliens, monsters, and more--so why shouldn’t love be one of them?

One thing was for certain: getting Steve to one of these events was a whole lot more fun when he could imagine sneaking away into a coat closet with him and getting his own up-close-and-personal interview. 

But they hadn’t needed to be dating for Tony to force Steve into a suit and take him to a party where he stood out like a sore thumb. This, as Tony had been telling the team from the beginning, was part of their job, and while he took center stage as often as he could--not just because of his ego too big to fit through the door, as the newspapers like to say, but because he was used to it, had been trained for it since he was a child, because he could answer interview questions in his sleep, and because he knew the rest of the team hated the press circus--Tony couldn’t always be the only face of the Avengers. A public appearance was needed now and then from all of them. To show they were united. To show that the city could count on them. 

Tonight was no different. Tony was accepting an award from the medical foundation for his newest invention--a sort of holographic x-ray machine that essentially erased all possibility for error in surgery and which ran completely on clean energy--but there was more to this night than just holding up the plaque and thanking the audience. There was the mingling before and after the ceremony, the shaking hands, the answering questions, the navigating of every politician, mathematician, and business man who wanted Tony’s expertise, time, and--especially--money. Then there was the small fact of the matter that these sorts of events reeked of Tony’s old life: an open bar, and more than a few faces in the crowd he’d dated--or had some other dramatic fall out with--over the years. To say he was grateful to have Steve by his side was an understatement. 

“I might take you up on that.” He squeezed Steve’s hand. “You know, I was three the first time I went to one of these events,” he remembered, taking a sip of his (non-alcoholic) cider. “My dad was accepting an award for Protecting the Country. Meaning he blew something up, and lot of people died, and they called him a hero for it. But at the time, I really thought he was saving the world. I wonder what he’d think of this, if he knew--” He broke off as he was approached by another suited man, and Tony let go of Steve’s hand so he could shake the one offered to him. Immediately, Tony’s expression changed--or more accurately, the mask he wore for events like this took over, obscuring anything real or honest, and he became not Tony--at least not the one he was with Steve--but just Stark, the man everyone in the room was expecting. 

#destruqtivist #v: avengers assemble #[queue] i will explain it when we get back; i will draw pictures; i will use puppets

[comingyourlugubriousness]

CBD for the nerds!! 🥺❤️

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Yume:

For personality wise Yume admire's Idia's dedication, creativity passion for his hobbies and projects, and how he can be very thoughtful/considerate about the people he chooses to cares about. And also what a good big bro he is to Ortho!

They also appreciate his intelligence and quick wit. The two of them can converse and banter back and forth easily, without it feeling like they have to try to hard. Though, that's not to say that their blind to his flaws. Just that they can understand where those flaws come from, and recognize that some of those flaws they have to work on too. I think slowly they both help each other become more accepting of themselves.

-

Mmm aesthetically I think Yume just finds Idia's whole look neat! They think he's interesting and eye-catching and love his hair a lot. (One of their fav things is how it changes like a mood ring lol). A lot of features Idia doesn't like about himself or that other people might not find appealing Yume does, simply because they’re Idia's features!

(For example they might find Floyds sharp tooth grin menacing at times but they think Idia's is endearing.)

Yume is the type of person, I think, where the more they like a person the more attractive their features get because they associate those features with their loved one. That doesn't mean they won't occasionally joke lovingly about chain chomp teeth or rapidash hair. But they always let Idia know their joking, and he starts to know the difference between their teasing.

Me and @bunnwich have joked that Yume loves Idia's looks like that one line from a girl worth fighting for. "Paler than the moon; with eyes that shine like stars''

Idia:

Personality wise I think Idia admires Yume's optimism. How, despite the really shitty situations they find themselves in they still try to make the best of it; but that they don't sugarcoat the hardships and can quite often use logic/common sense to find a solution. Also that unlike him Yume doesn't judge people as quickly or harshly. That they are willing to look at something from another perspective and try to understand them before criticizing. He also appreciates their passion for their personal hobbies, shared interests, skills, and creativity. And like Yume appreciates that it doesn't take much effort at all to talk to them or enjoy being around them. And he enjoys having someone that he can both explain Ortho's new tech he upgraded but also someone he can send an obscure meme to and they know the reference.

Aesthetic wise I don't imagine that Idia is very picky in the looks department, he seems like the type of person who would just be happy/surprised that anyone was interested in him. (Though that isn't to say he has no standards at all). Similar to Yume, a lot of things that they are self conscious about he finds endearing. While he has a more lanky skinny, Yume is shorter and chubby. And he likes that a lot, he thinks their way better to hold/hug then he is. To him I think it seems very much like 'opposites attract', but that's only on surface level. Deep down I think they have a lot in common.

···

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Yume:

They are no stranger to feeling down and panic attacks. I think it depends on the situation. Sometimes Yume knows that Idia just needs to be alone to sulk when he's feeling down. (that's just the kind of person he is.) but other times just being around and letting him know that they are there for him is enough. I imagine they just sit together and do their own thing a lot, just enjoying the company. Then there are other times when Yume just holds him and reassures him that it will eventually be all right, but until then he can be sad and they'll still be here! Their go to when he's feeling bad is to probably play a game or something together to get his mind off it.

For panic attacks Yume finds that touch works best to keep Idia grounded, along with being completely logical and reassuring. It's a bit of a contrast but it works. Holding his hand, hugging, or even kisses helps distract him from a negative thought spiral! Then they calmly reassure him that everything is fine and if they're somewhere in public, try and get them alone and call Ortho as he has much more experience dealing with Idia's panic attacks.

Idia:

I imagine when Yume's feeling down it's similar to watching a kitten in pain and he hates it. (He occasionally is worried that he's the reason Yume is upset and will be relieved when they tell him it's not). If what's causing them to be sad is something he can fix/solve he will 100% start doing it immediately.  But if it's not well...he's definitely a little awkward about it, but he does his best to cheer Yume up and distract them from whatever is making them sad. He's supposed to be the depressing gloomy one in the relationship!!...jk...

He'll probably make a few bad jokes like that but, he also understands that sometimes sadness doesn't have a reason and can come out of nowhere. So it's fine, they aren't some actual bright eye'd anime protag who can just bounce back from everything all the time, they are a real person that he cares about, so, even if it's not his expertise...he'll do what he can. If he fails he'll try to get Ortho to cheer them up too!

As for panic attacks, like we all know he's no stranger to them. But strangely I hc that when someone close to him is having a panic attack or breakdown that Idia is...strangely competent? (like going into big brother mode to help Ortho.) That is, After the initial surprise/realization that Yume is having a panic attack.

I imagine that after Yume has particularly vivid visions/dreams that leave them upset and panicked, he's good at talking softly to them and making them feel safe.

Like with their sadness he'll ask if there's anything they can do to fix it? (But he probably won't get a response out of them). And if he can't he will probably just sit with them and hold them if they want and reassure them that it's gonna be okay. And if they respond well to that, they might pull up silly cute videos of animals to distract them. If he can't help them out at all then he'd call Yume's brother to help him out.

Also, If anyone tries to approach them while Yume is having a panic attack he might be really rude and tell them to go away. (But he just doesn't want them to be overwhelmed/embarrassed about it.)

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Honestly...sometimes both of them get overwhelmed and exhausted thinking about the future. It can be touchy for both of them, they know they'll have to think about it. When and if Yume gets the chance to go home? Even if they did stay they have no life set up here? Idia worries that even if they did pick him they'd be stuck in the same cursed life/existence he has...

it's defintely a talk they both know they have to have but for now their just dumb, young and in love. And they should be allowed to have that and live in the moment for once, without worrying about the future. Ask game here

Here's a little messy sketch I did recently, I do traditional a lot quicker than I do digital:

#yume ume #twsted oc #yuusona #twst oc #idia x oc #oc x canon #yumexidia #nightlight and starshine #this got way to fucking long #I rarely post traditonal...but i thought this one was cute...maybe i could post more in the future? #twisted wonderland #im working through the others! slowly but surely i promise #i have a lot of thoughts about these two and its hard to sum it up in a few questions lol #i love thinking about complex relationship between characters #idk if the ask was for both of them but....i did it #myart #ignore the spelling mistakes #long post

[peterlorrefanpage]

This post is a continuation of the wonderful conversation with @soapkaars!

I really like how you show that Der Verlorene's split nature is, actually, the point. For you're right: It drives the feverish nightmare, the dismal spectrum of humanity, the duality he keeps encountering within and without, the despair without surcease.

And for all that duality, even that is multifaceted; Lorre/Rothe can't even have the comfort of it being a binary thing, an either/or. It's never "just" anything. If it had been, it would have been easier for the character to either have never been so tormented as to finally step on those railroad tracks, or to have gotten himself there before the film even began (and as such, we'd never have seen it).

This really speaks to your insight into his thoughts of things like, "If I make a film about someone who served the Nazi party, am I not distracting from the victims in any way?"

I don't know if they ever used "dystopian" as a descriptor or genre for this film at the time, but I'm feeling it now, with how Lorre perceived that spectrum of apathy and denial to outright lauding of fascism.

Incidentally, duality seems to have been a theme of much speculation for Peter's own self. Scholar, critic, and translator Eric Bentley said that Lorre's fellow stage actors sensed an unconscious "split" in Lorre’s stage persona that was consistent with a type of acting in which the feelings don’t directly come out in a flood but are veiled or kept at a distance:

"Brecht was fascinated by the doubleness of Lorre's performances, in the peculiar combinations in his personality between the naïve and sophisticated or between comic and grim….There's something in Lorre that isn't there. This quality of being at a distance from your own emotions might come from your studying Brecht’s theories, but it might just be that you were born that way. I tend to think the second is true of Peter Lorre, and it fascinated Brecht because here is someone whom nature made the way he thought an actor was supposed to be in any case, a natural Brecht actor." -The Lost One: A Life of Peter Lorre

I'd be interested in your thoughts on that concept as well. I'm not quite sure what I think of it myself. I like the concept that Lorre influenced Brecht as much as Brecht influenced Lorre and others. I just am not sure of the "something that isn't there."

For example, if true, then I wonder if Lorre found that "something" when he embarked on this film. The reality of post-war Germany could well have pierced him to the core and eliminated that supposed distance from his own emotions.

But I have to remember that he was also not a well person at the time, and hadn't been for awhile, and wouldn't be ever again, really. It's part of what makes the final scene in Der Verlorene so impossible to forget.

It makes for fascinating conjecture nonetheless. Lorre is so often described as a kind, intelligent, happy, funny man in private life, who just wanted to play the roles he wanted to play. Was he really at a distance from his own emotions when acting? Or was he just that good at being to lift or elevate himself into another being, the role he was playing?

Heck if I know.

(And to circle back to the start of your other post, I love this conversation, too! I have been meaning to dig this post out of draft for awhile now.)

#peter lorre #peter lorre meta #Der Verlorene #The Lost One #Dr Karl Rothe #character analysis #post-WWII Germany #era analysis

[destruqtivist]

“Everybody wants something from me, you just want me.”

memes. / always accepting.

It was one of those things that seemed to just make sense to him. Steve liked to think he was a relatively decent person. He genuinely wanted the best for everyone and the world around him, often at his own detriment. Tony had been someone he hadn’t thought too favorably of at the start. He had taken Tony’s bravado at face value and hadn’t seen the motives behind his beliefs. They had different methods but ultimately, they had wanted the same thing.

After that stumble, Steve was able to see Tony a lot more properly. A man smarter than those around him, more witty and clever; aggravatingly so at times, and charming--completely able to suck anyone’s attention in any room. Somewhere along the way of these realizations Steve had staggered his way into caring about the other man a lot more than he could have ever expected. With that came Steve wanting to help him in his goals, support him on a daily basis, and sneak a lot of kisses when Tony was wrapped up in his work--he always looked so adorable talking science to a Steve who didn’t quite fully understand any of it--so, yes... Steve just wanted Tony. He didn’t want to say he was ‘old schooled’ ‘cause he was certain Tony would chew that up and tease him relentlessly but there was a dissonance to modern world. People could be awful and the way they navigated this world they shared was often deceitful, self-motivated, and for their own benefit with little regard to anyone else around them.

Steve feels a little stuffy in the suit as he reaches over for Tony, a gentle pat to the other’s arm. He probably wouldn’t have come if not for Tony. There were soldiers and those behind the scenes--Steve’s expertise was on a battle field, not navigating senators, politicians, celebrities'.. He didn’t really care much for this part of ‘hero business’. He understood the importance of public support for the things the Avengers did but it didn’t mean he welcomed the idea of rubbing elbows with those who didn’t take the risks they did yet found it in themselves to be hyper critical or think of monetary gain. 

However, he did like watching Tony verbally waltz his way through a room looking devastatingly handsome and intelligent. Being arm candy to the smartest man in the room wasn’t too bad especially when Tony would probably be awarded and congratulated for some thing he had inevitably invented or done, Steve finding a lot of pride for the other and everything he was capable of. “Little do they know I’m getting the best deal.” Steve mutters as he leans over to press an encouraging kiss to Tony’s cheek chaste and light, “You can offer me anything in this world and I would always be decided on just having you.” Cheesy, ridiculous, sickeningly in love, but honest. “If you need to be rescued any tonight just give me a look. I’ll come and sweep you away from them with a convincingly real lovesick boyfriend act.”

#invncibleiron #( ⚜ ) steve // * dialogue. #// * asked & answered ! #( me thinking about steve saving tony from boring conversations and parties ) #( *sighs* he's so gross n in love )