#Artemis Fowl actor

[devoted-to-colin-farrell]

Colin Farrell’s movie posters from the 2020s.

What’s your favourite movie? My favourite is The Banshees of Inisherin.

#voyagers #colin farrell #best actor #movie #after yang #the batman #the banshees of inisherin #ireland #artemis fowl #disney #thirteen lives #ava

[xserpx]

OK I know I hate the Artemis Fowl movie with a burning passion but seeing Nonso Anozie as Ola Obisanya gives me so many feelings!

#artemis fowl #ted lasso #nonso anozie #tbf the actors in the movie all deserved so much better #but nonso's healthy father figure energy is just ❤️❤️❤️

[britcision]

Alright I went through more of the new Discworld audiobooks last night so an uncomprehensive review list:

Maskerade: fucking EXCELLENT, they did Agnes’s audition in such a cool fucking way this alone makes it all worth while. Even having a 5 second pause, sparkle music, and then a Different Fucking Person reading every footnote. And DILF Death. Will try the rest of the Witches and see if their “Magrat” is one or two words when used more. Indira Varma crushed it

Death/Susan books: good narrator, sounds interesting, gonna start with Soul Music because again, sonically interesting 👀 Sian Clifford (I assume) does a very good Susan voice and shows aging from Soul Music to Hogfather

Watch books: Nope. Nope. 0/10 completely misunderstood the assignment. His different voices for characters are SPECTACULAR Jon Culshaw is an excellent voice actor! But every other thing is just. Wrong.

His inflections are off, the pacing is wrong for the excerpts in the sample, the tone of the narration swings from “reading to small children” with over-exaggerated emotion and surprise at things like the first description of a golem in Feet Of Clay to “gritty noir novel” for the other books and all Vimes scenes and Neither Of Those Are Right

The Watch books are not gritty noir novels. Vimes is pretty blatantly a satirical deconstruction of a gritty noir detective - by The End Of The First Book he’d be fired from gritty noir for finding love and quitting drinking

The Watch books are police procedurals, detective thrillers, mysteries, sure, all distinct from the other series. They’re not the best for young kids. They’re not fucking noir. The noir elements like the descriptions of the city, the rainy nights, Vimes’ cynicism, are immediately undercut by jokes

Carrot, good mountain dwarf by way of Lancre, has a fucking posh city accent???? By Men At Arms?????

(Did like that Edward d’Eath is de-ath not de-eth like Nigel Planar’s)

On the whole, sounds like they used the old Artemis Fowls for a template and nailed that tone, which is absolutely wrong for Vimes

Moist von Lipwigs books: minor Rise of the Guardians Jack Frost vibes, I was not expecting that low of a voice from the narrator but Richard Coyle also does great voices

Moist is… a little weirdly emotive in his first cell like he’s got no real mask between his actual feelings and talking to the warders but that might improve. Will try

Rincewind books: interesting accent on the main narration, more distinct than any of the other narrators, with interesting inflections. I like it. I predict it making The Last Continent very interesting. Colin Morgan’s got a good clear voice, will try

#discworld #new discworld audiobooks

[justanothercinemaniac]

I’ve seen a lot of news outlets discuss how removing content from streaming services that isn’t available anywhere else is done as a tax write-off. But I haven’t seen nearly as many talk about what else is going on here: residuals.

The entertainment industry is famous for, “creative,” (aka shady) accounting tactics that take money that would’ve gone to creatives and use it to pad the pockets of executives. There’s even a Wikipedia page for it called Hollywood Accounting. So it’s unsurprising that we’ve seen a lot of crappy, “cost cutting,” measures over the last year that have made projects like the Batgirl movie unavailable to the public despite being finished or near-finished.

The prevailing narrative here is that these are done as tax write-offs, where the less a title makes the less the studio has to pay taxes on its production costs (I think. To be honest the tax details are a little over my head, I just know they say burying these titles saves them money). But how does that work with titles that have already been out for months or, in some cases, YEARS. For example: Disney+ removed Stargirl & Artemis Fowl from their platform three years after those films were released. So how big can a tax write off really be?

That’s where residuals come in. For those who don’t know, residuals are a form of income artists like actors and writers get when their project is broadcast. You get a check with an amount based on how many times it’s on TV or viewed on streaming. Now, the way streaming residuals are structured are already inherently broken. Ideally, the more successful a show is the more residuals the artists make. But streamers don’t SHARE how much people are watching their shows so they can just say whatever & pay their artists a tiny amount while padding their pockets. This has been happening with Suits on Netflix lately, which it turns out is HUGE on the streamer but the creatives involved aren’t being fairly compensated.

So what does this have to do with burying projects? Well, if no one can watch a tv show or movie in any (legal) way that means the studios aren’t obligated to pay the folks who worked on that project their residuals. And if they were paying enough residuals on a title that removing it saves them millions or billions of dollars, that essentially means they’re stealing millions of dollars from those artists.

What’s more - as a WGA picketer I know pointed out - studios may be worried the removed content could end up being a HUGE HIT. What’s wrong with that? Because if it becomes that big and people notice, actors and writers will wonder where their residuals are. So they’re not removing these projects because no one is watching them. If no one was watching them, they’d be able to take a tax write off and not worry about expensive residual payments while keeping it available. The fact that removing the shows saves them money means people ARE watching it.

TL;DR - Studios removing exclusive streaming content isn’t just about tax write-offs, it’s about keeping residuals from the artists too.

#SAG Strike #SAG #WGA #WGA Strike #Hollywood Strike #Strike Stuff #Mine

[nerdynanny]

we're super nerdy here.

indie || crossover friendly || multimuse || 18+ artemis fowl. darren shan. beauty and the beast. big hero 6. gravity falls. dcau. marvel. rise of the guardians. clamp. disney. labyrinth. good omens. star trek. doctor who. fable. final fantasy. kingdom hearts. the good place. miraculous ladybug. and more.

What up! I'm Nerdy-- I'm an old hat here on Tumblr. I've been roleplaying on here since 2012 and have been roleplaying in general for over 20 years.

I'm in my 30s. I stream full time. I'm a voice actor. I like makin folks laugh.

So if my writing, personality, or promo catches your eye-- swing by and give ya boi a follow! Please be over 18-- not for mature themes, but because I'm OLD.

#artemis fowl rp #good omens rp #batb rp #multimuse #kingdom hearts rp #rp promo #disney rp #fantasy rp #video game rp #star trek rp #doctor who rp #mlb rp #miraculous rp #vampire rp #dc rp

[bodyguardbracket]

List of contestants!

I've put together the list of our 64 bodyguards!!! The actual polls will start in a couple days as I still need to organize some stuff for them. That being said, if you have any good pictures of any of these guys (canon images only please!), feel free to send them my way in the meantime!!!

Also fyi that the rounds themselves will be a week long, just for my own sanity lol.

Here's the list in alphabetical order!!!

Adam Frankenstein (Bungo Stray Dogs: Stormbringer)

Agent Stone (Sonic the Hedgehog movies)

Aloysius Knight "The Black Knight" (Scarecrow by Matthew Reilly)

Arm (Kinnporsche: The Series)

Big (Kinnporsche: The Series)

Big Daddies (BioShock)

Brienne of Tarth (Game of Thrones)

Brock Samson (The Venture Bros)

Butler (Artemis Fowl)

C!Grian (Third Life SMP)

Camilla Hect (The Locked Tomb)

Corvo Attano (Dishonored)

Costis (The Queen’s Thief series)

Deathbringer (Wings of Fire)

Dehya (Genshin Impact)

Do Bongsoon (Strong Woman Bongsoon)

Eadaz uq-Nāra (The Roots of Chaos series)

Eliot Spencer (Leverage)

Fang Duobing (Mysterious Lotus Casebook)

Gareth (Galavant)

Gideon Nav (The Locked Tomb)

Gorilla (Miraculous Ladybug)

Goro Takemura (Cyberpunk 2077)

Guillermo de la Cruz (What We Do in the Shadows)

Guy (A3! Act! Addict! Actors!)

Horace Knightley (Ace Attorney Investigations 2)

Hubert Von Vestra (Fire Emblem Three Houses)

Indus Tarbella (Epithet Erased)

Joe (Princess Diaries)

Juliet Butler (Artemis Fowl)

Kaladin Stormblessed (Stormlight Archive)

Kiruko (Heavenly Delusion / Tengoku Daimakyou)

Kurapika (Hunter x Hunter)

Lan Fan (Fullmetal Alchemist)

Lan Mandragoran (The Wheel of Time)

Lexaeus/Aeleus (Kingdom Hearts)

Link (Legend of Zelda)

Maihar'du (Star Trek: Deep Space 9)

Mako (Legend of Korra)

Mifune (Soul Eater)

Mike Ehrmantraut (Breaking Bad)

Miyamoto Usagi (Usagi Yojimbo)

Murderbot (The Murderbot Diaries)

Nicholas D. Wolfwood (Trigun)

Palm (Never Let Me Go)

Peko Pekoyama (Danganronpa)

Peri Dubois (Entropic Float)

Porsche (Kinnporsche: The Series)

Riza Hawkeye (Fullmetal Alchemist)

Rory Williams (Doctor Who)

Samwise Gamgee (The Lord of the Rings)

Sandor (Keeper of the Lost Cities)

Sebastian Michales (Black Butler)

Sir Theobald Gumbar (Dimension 20: A Crown of Candy)

Son Hak (Akaksuki no Yona)

Soren (The Dragon Prince)

Suh Yoosun (Moonlight Garden)

Tatum Mendoza (Foreign Affairs)

Thancred Waters (Final Fantasy XIV)

Vortex (Helluva Boss)

Wen Ning (The Untamed)

Wen Zhuliu (The Untamed)

Yura Goro (Kamen Rider Ryuki)

Zhou Zishu (Word of Honor)

#bodyguard battle #sorry if your guy didn't make it i received a lot of submissions and only had 64 spots

[braininatankwithalaptop]

Hi there so I wanna ask you important question Do you ever thought about fancast of Mol?

I'm so sorry, but I might've been the worst person to ask this question /hj.

For one thing (if it's live action), I would honestly love to see a version of Mother of Learning with new actors on the scene approximately the same age as the characters. No 20 year olds playing 15 year olds. I think it'd be interesting to see Xvim played by a Eurasian man (like, idk, Butler was supposed to be in Artemis Fowl, no I'm not still salty about that). I might see Walker Scobell playing Zach, I'm not sure how well he'd be able to play 50 year old 15 year old trapped in a time loop but I think he might. Secondly, I always thought that animation might be the best way to depict the series if it were to be shifted to a visual format. I don't know why but when it comes to fantasy and sci-fi I always think of animated adaptions. But the problem with this is that I have little to no opinions on individual voice actors outside the performances I'm currently listening to. I might while watching a show/playing a game hear Tara Song, or Mark Hamill, or Phil LaMarr, or Yuri Lowenthal and think "damn, that's one good performance," but otherwise don't give a thought on who is best a voicing which type of character.

Although I will say the best type of Spear of Resolve voice actress would be one that can speak extremely villain coded without actually having the tinge of insanity or malice usually used. I imagine it'd be something like the Lady of Fire's Divine Intervention

#mother of learning #mol #I hope some of this at least have been interesting

[scotianostra]

Happy birthday Scottish actor Jimmy Yuill, born March 6th 1956 in Golspie, Sutherland.

Yuill is another of those Scottish actors that has been in an abundance of shows, and will be known, but not as a household name.Fans of the Crime drama series Wycliffe will know him best as DI Doug Kersey, in almost every episode, I will come back to that later.

Known mainly as an actor on the stage Jimmy began in 1976 in The Jesuit at the Traverse Theatre, Edinburgh. After, as he put it “some joyous years” working on new plays and classics countrywide he joined the Royal Shakespeare Company (RSC) in 1983, as Snug in ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’ and ended his time there, in 1987, as Young Wackford Squeers in Nicholas Nickleby on Broadway.

In 1988 he joined Kenneth Branagh’s Renaissance Theatre Company for Much Ado About Nothing, As You Like It and Hamlet directed by Judi Dench, Geraldine McEwan and Derek Jacobi, respectively. Also for RTC, Sicinius (Coriolanus); Telygin (Uncle Vanya) and Kent in Richard Brier’s ‘King Lear’.

Other roles include Toby Belch in Twelfth Night and as Henry IV parts1&2 at the Bristol Old Vic; In 2013 Jimmy played Banquo in ‘Macbeth’ at the Manchester International Festival and the following year at the Park Avenue Armory, New York. Most recently Jimmy played the Old Shepherd in The Winters Tale at the Garrick Theatre in London’s West End – both productions directed by Rob Ashford and Kenneth Branagh.

Jimmy Yuill, while always being busy treading the boards, has also found plenty time to appear in many TV shows, they include, in the 70’s The Mackinnons, The Omega Factor and the TV film A Sense of Freedom. in the 1980’s Eurocops and Boon and the 90’s mainly in Hamish Macbeth as Lachlan McCrae and the aforementioned Wycliffe. Into the new millennium he is a s busy as ever in the mini-series Monsignor Renard, A Touch of Frost and a recurring role in 14 episodes of Eastenders as Victor Brown an old frien of Ian Beales. Jimmy also appeared in several episodes of The Bill as D.S. Cottrell.

Yuill has had a longstanding friendship with Kenneth Branagh and has appeared in some of the Irish actor/directors films, including, Much Ado About Nothing, Frankenstien and As You Like It.

I said I would return to Wycliffe, where Jimmy starred in all but two episodes. The series was cancelled after that because Jack Shepherd, who played Wycliffe, refused to continue in the title role when the producers had sacked Yuill “for insurance reasons” after he contracted life-threatening meningitis during filming, and then would not reinstate him even though he made a full recovery. He says he owes his life to Shepherd with whom he was sharing a house while on location, and who rushed him to hospital in the middle of the night. Shepherd and the rest of the cast and crew felt so betrayed that they decided not to make any more episodes once filming of the current series had finished.

Along with Richard Briers he is one of only two actors other than Branagh himself, to appear in all five Shakespearean films that Branagh has directed: Yuill has worked as a performance consultant on a number of productions, and also as a producer.

More recently Jimmy has been in the movies Artemis Fowl , Kindred and my pick The Road Dance, which is set in The Outer Hebrides just before World War One. He also popped up in the Scottish dark comedy series Guilt, There are no pdates on his work in the past three years

#scotland #scottish #history #actor #theatre #television #cinema #happy birthday

[indigosabyss]

kay the last post got like. 23 notes. which is all a bitch w a hyperfixation needs to start infodumping about the nuances and minutia of crossovers and how to build them and what you'll get out of them.

*drumroll pls*

Fandom Fusion Crossovers: A Guide (Part 1)

In the first Breakdown, I touched upon Fandom Fusions as a concept. I realized that I was a bit too brief in retrospect, but that was because unlike the others, I have already worked through my love for these types of crossovers in stories longer than Moby Dick.

But, I'm here to rant into the void so lets give a quick definition, shall we?

Fandom Fusion is the type of crossover where the two stories exist side-by-side, the worlds slotting together with some overlap, but overall not interfering with each other. Until the plot of the fic kicks off.

The most interesting thing about this crossover is its potential for worldbuilding, and the way the power structures of both stories are balanced amongst each other. You need to make them belong together, create common threads, but also a degree of separation, and its not always easy to do that. Takes a lot of creativity.

I'll start with the 'making sure the worlds mesh' aspect first. Then maybe move onto the 'making the characters meet' aspect in another chapter.

Meshing & World-Building

There are a lot of different types of worlds, and genres. A common rule of thumb is that if you want a Fandom Fusion, the worlds should be in similar time periods, and both should exist in the same plane of reality. Generally, this means modern day Earth, but it can change.

With fantasy worlds, its a little tricky. Because all the worlds and continents have different names, which makes it pretty hard to do.

Or, you could simply not care for canon and worldbuilding and just have the characters hanging out together. (I cannot do that, it makes me break out in stress hives) In fact, the fic that started off the MordeTwi ship meme was this type of crossover. There isn't a reason for a humanoid bird to be in a world filled with the talking ponies, but there he was. No one cared. Do that, if you want. Fanfiction is anarchy, my dude.

If you do want to stress about it, here's some examples and vague combinations of genres.

Contemporary w/ Contemporary By 'contemporary' I mean showing people in their regular lives. Going to high school and college and doing regular jobs, with no major worldwide repercussions. The biggest problem w this is the geographical element of your worlds, and how the characters are supposed to meet. I will be going into this later. Otherwise, its easy to believe that these two stories happened at the same time. Don't really have much to add on this from a purely worldbuilding standpoint??

Celebrity w/ Contemporary or Celebrity By 'celebrity', I mean stories about the rich or famous or talented. Everything from athletes to actors are included in this. I personally classify it as a different style because it would require different worldbuilding. Esp if you're meshing together two different high-profile fields. From personal tastes, I will point out Yuri! on ice x Sk8 the Infinity crossovers. The similarities between the two are striking. One is about skateboarding, the other is figure skating. Parallels are drawn, but the characters have yet to meet. The geographical element with such crossovers is slightly lessened, because at least one party has the ability to travel easily.

Fantasy w/ Fantasy Here's where it gets interesting. You need to make the magic systems and lore compatible. They tend to line up alright, but best to keep an open mind. As an example, think of an Artemis Fowl and PJO crossover. The faerie would be considered spirits of folklore like any other. The Mist can be excused as weak around them because of a feud between the faerie and more powerful beings, which is why they are more at risk from being seen. Simple explanations like that which add on to the history of this shared world you've made.

Fantasy w/ Contemporary (or Celebrity?) These are always fun. Not only is there no tricky magic systems to shove together, but you also need to make sure that the normal-world's stakes are felt as heavily as the stakes from the magic-world story. Both of their problems should feel equally real and important to the reader. Depending on the type of fantasy series you're using, the geographic element and communication problem could be easier or harder to navigate, and a close eye should be kept on the interests and themes and motifs connected to each character to draw comparisons of them and have them meet characters from the other world.

There's a lot more I wish I could say. Maybe this would be easier w a graphical element? I can't draw very well but tell me if I should sketch something out if you're a visual learner and are trying to figure out wtf I'm trying to say.

My brain is hardwired to associate things with each other lol so if you want me to connect fandoms together fusion style, just... put the two fandoms in my ask box and I'll give you something back.

I'm only doing the meshing aspect rn, and will move onto how exactly characters are supposed to meet and what plots tend to occur on a basic scale later. If anyone rlly wants to know lol. I just really really like the background creativity that goes into crossovers and I think more people should do them and want to give a jumping off point if you're planning a crossover? Then again, I might just want to talk about things that everyone already intuitively knows and no one even wanted this but whatever

If I get around to it, I will link part two here.

#fanfic #crossover #percy jackon and the olympians #regular show #my little pony #mordetwi #yuri on ice #sk8 the infinity #artemis fowl #analysis #i keep on having to be v vague bc i have no idea what fandom ppl are thinking of #if u give me a solid couple fandoms (no matter how separate) ill give u a better explanation on how to fuse

[destinyc1020]

Rotten tomatoes was never place for objective opinions and highly politicized. To often films with bad rating can turn out good and vice versa. User verified score highly manipulated too, studios by our seats and leaving reviews by bots. Score not change at all from 100 reviews to 5000+ like try find someone who will believe this. I saw film and it's definitely not 95% and not 50% all audience score truth something in between. Cinema score and IMDb usually much closer but this time ppl there just tired from Disney cash grab and race swap instead of creating own black characters. Nobody there against black panther or miles morales if u look bo tracking. Just food for the mind. Disney will lose money on this one and unfortunately for Halle she was great.

Rotten tomatoes was never place for objective opinions and highly politicized. To often films with bad rating can turn out good and vice versa.

That can definitely be true.

User verified score highly manipulated too, studios by our seats and leaving reviews by bots. Score not change at all from 100 reviews to 5000+ like try find someone who will believe this.

That's probably true, but I'm more likely to believe the "verified" reviews from people they can prove that actually SAW the movie, and aren't just rating the movie w/out seeing it because they're haters. 🙄

Cinema score and IMDb usually much closer

IMDB.com is highly manipulated as well. Just look at the graph of the ratings on certain films. For a lot of "Black" films, the graph doesn't resemble a bell curve (like most normal graphs), but more so resembles a field goal.

but this time ppl there just tired from Disney cash grab and race swap instead of creating own black characters.

Funny how people are just NOW tired of Disney's "cash grab", when just about EVERY single movie that Disney puts out is for a "cash grab".

Nobody there against black panther or miles morales if u look bo tracking.

First of all, a mermaid is a fictional and mythical character. It's not real. Nor is Ariel real. Funny how nobody has any issues when white actors have played people of color in certain films:

Scarlett Johansson - Ghost in the Shell

Rooney Mara - Pan

Katherine Hepburn - Dragon Seed

John Wayne - The Last Conqueror

Ben Affleck - Argo

Fred Astaire - Bojangles of Harlem

Majority of the Cast - 21

Lara McDonnell - Artemis Fowl

Liam Neeson - Batman Begins

Kris Kristofferson - Blade I & Blade II

Laurence Olivier - Othello

Majority of the Cast - Exodus: Gods and kings

Mickey Rooney - Breakfast at Tiffany's

Angelina Jolie - A Mighty Heart

Just to name a few.....

See..... Y'all don't seem to be upset when it's the other way around....even when the film is about ACTUAL real people in history. 😒

Just food for the mind. Disney will lose money on this one and unfortunately for Halle she was great.

Disney hasn't lost a single thing. The movie JUST made nearly $180 million it's FIRST opening weekend, and is the 5th highest-grossing film for Memorial Day Weekend at the box office lol. 😅

It's not a flop by any means. It's not going to gross as much as an MCU/Marvel movie, but I predict that it's going to make back what it took to make the film and more.

[kay-lalala]

Will we ever good a good, passionate, detailed, epic adaptation again? With awesome sets and detailed costumes and practical effects. With a cast and crew that deeply care about the source material. Something that is not just made for the money or to get the most views within the first week. With a good soundtrack. Good writing, character arcs and dialogue. With space to breathe instead of rushing through. Without censoring and changes because people think that they are better than the author or that the story needs to be modernized. A sincere story without making fun of themselves because it's "cool" or "funny" and sincerity is "cringe". A story without trying to be relevant by shoving pop culture reference and overused famous actors everywhere. Without exposition dumping and with show instead of tell. An adaptation that doesn't treat the audience like idiots.

After Percy Jackson, Eragon, Maze Runner, Artemis Fowl and Percy Jackson again... I'm watching the making of Lord of the Rings and I am just said. We could have had so much more. These stories deserve better.

#pjo tv #percy jackson #book adaptations #pjato #percy jackson tv show #crying fr

[devoted-to-colin-farrell]

Behind the scenes of Artemis Fowl.

Colin Farrell with one of my favourite actors and directors - Kenneth Branagh.

Trivia - Colin Farrell's suit is Dolce & Gabbana. When the costume department met with him to pin the suit for adjustments, they were shocked the suit didn't need any alterations.

Well D&G have been dressing him for over 10 years 😀

#artemis fowl #best actor #movie #ireland #colin farrell #kenneth branagh #d&g #dolceandgabbana #trivia

[crystal-lillies]

Some positive things, widespread and personal, from 2023

Hello all here's my annual good things roundup, and as always I'll be missing a good lot of stuff that happened bc I'm pulling from the top of my head and also I'm running late.

In no particular order:

Some great indie animation stuff this year, with Hazbin Hotel news and episodes of Helluva Boss continuing and then the Lackadaisy pilot and fundraising campaign success!

Got the end of The Owl House early in 2023, and while it was not the ending we all would have hoped for, it was an incredible ending all the same and absolutely so well made.

Avatar: The Last Airbender has a new official TTRPG game, several of the OG cast did a playthrough of it, AND the trailer for the live action TV series doesn't look half bad! Also, Toph's VA has been reacting to the series. Overall it's been a great year for ATLA fans.

CLAMP announced that the continuation of the CCS Clear Card anime is on its way, and the Clear Card manga finished this year! The kids are okay!

Game movie wins! Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves, along with The Super Mario Bros. Movie, were both great adaptations and fun movies where previously adapted movies of the same properties were so awful they make Artemis Fowl look barely passable!

Spiderman: Across the Spiderverse was super freaking incredible cinema and stupendous animation and score. And the animators got a break from having to cram the Beyond the Spiderverse movie in a year jfc.

The WGA and SAGAFTRA strikes I wouldn't consider positives on their own; however, the overwhelming solidarity across the lines and from us the fans and everyone in the same working boat helped the WGA and SAGAFTRA strikers stick it to the studio execs being literal cartoonish villains and get the things they were asking for after a brutally long strike period where the studio execs absolutely wanted them all to lose their homes and suffer. Power to the workers! WGA and SAGAFTRA strong!

BARBIE. No notes. 100000/10. You go girl.

But also the meme of Barbenheimer, absolutely genius.

GOOD OMENS SEASON 2!!!! HOOO BOY Neil Gaiman really shook us to the core with these ineffable celestial lads

The Marvels was a lot of fun! Kamala Khan and adult Monica Rambeau finally got to the big screen and they were so good altogether with Carol Danvers! Sadly didn't get great box office, but the movie itself being good makes up for that in my eyes!

Wonka was also a lot better than expected! Very fun and wholesome and heartwarming! Not bad Timothee Chalamet, not bad.

Critical Role's The Legend of Vox Machina season 2 was incredible, and a Mighty Nein animated series was also announced to be in the works! Plus, we got a Mighty Nein live show in London! And Candela Obscura premiered this year as well! And the Exquisite Exandria cookbook dropped in August and it's been so amazing.

Dimension 20 has been popping off this year as well, and several of its cast started Worlds Beyond Number, which is on a whole other level of inspirational and awesome.

On some personal notes, I got to spend time with good friends this past year (and getting one into TLOVM and Critical Role too, which has been fun)

And in that vein, I got into a bonafide Dungeons and Dragons campaign this summer, based from a oneshot I played in April by putting myself out there and trying something new. And man, this campaign has been one of the best things in 2023 let alone maybe my whole life. I'm so grateful to be a part of it and to keep going.

And this past summer, I got to go to a convention and meet several of my favorite actors including the cast of Smallville, Charlie Cox, Dante Basco, and Jason Liebrecht! It was so much fun.

I spent my birthday with my whole immediate family and went to Disney Hollywood Studios and had such a blast!

And I started more actively sending my writing out to litmags! While nothing has been accepted yet, I am ever more determined to be published!

There is much more good that happened in 2023 but for now, this is a good sample to end the year and beckon the new one forth with the same and even more positive vibes.

#flowerspeak #2023 #positive #long post #new years #new years eve #2024

[divisionten]

Artemis Fowl Escape Room

Note: this was originally posted to Kotaku, but a number of my old articles there were destroyed after they purged whole sections of the site.

I’ve been very good friends with one of my former classmates for almost 20 years. He’s a massive Artemis Fowl fan (as am I, though I didn’t grow up with it like he did) so, when I found a signed copy of the book for his Christmas gift, I knew I couldn’t just give it to him. He’d have to be Artemis... and steal it.

NOTE: I paid for it. Please don’t steal books, and support your favorite artists. :D

Not just steal it, steal it from his own past self. Artemis Fowl follows the Doctor Who school of wibbly wobbly timey wimey... stuff.

BUDGET AND MATERIALS

First and foremost, I had just over a week to figure out

a) my budget and

b) how the puzzles would flow from one to another

Budget wise, I wanted to spend less than $50, which meant I needed to get creative with props. I own a Cricut, so I could make some very professional looking custom textiles, stickers and cards/paper items, and had a massive amount of sticker vinyl already on hand. I work for an electronics company, and do hobbyist Arduino, so I also already have lots of wire, batteries, some modules, and a few completed robots I could cannibalize. Lastly, I also have a large stock of cosplay items (wigs, costumes, fabric, foam) lying around. I know most people wouldn’t have this on hand, but if you’re planning on making an escape room, look at what YOU already have. Maybe you have power tools, or maybe you’re good at designing quick websites. You probably also have more than eight days to come up with an entire escape room game too, but the idea came to me AFTER I found his gift.

Lower Elements Police shirts for my friend’s wife, my friend, and myself of Wing Commander Vinyáya, Extremely Irritating Human Fowl, and Captain Short. Materials cost for all three was between $15 and $25- I have leftover heat vinyl i can use on another project, and a cool new shirt for myself to boot.

As far as things that lock, all I have is a locking mailbox, and a small key locker (like the kind used by some AirBnB to store a key outside a house). None of the doors within my house lock. So, I knew I’d definitely use the mailbox and key locker SOMEHOW, but I also needed something big and safe enough to hold the book.

Like... a safe. I bought an extremely cheap one on Amazon for $12.

I also spent another $8 on some concentric stacking boxes to start the hunt.

From there, my puzzle flow began writing itself. “Artemis” would need to do two things-

Find the location of the safe.

Discover the safe combo.

I’m already building a full jumpsuit out of scuba neoprene and copious amounts of cursing, but for now, this’ll do. Also, yes, I’m aware I wrote it in English and not Gnomish. Sue me.

Since things tend to go in threes, I split the puzzles into three quest lines, and started filling in the blanks with puzzles.

Lastly, to sweeten the deal, I decided to raid my cosplay drawers (and my heat transfer materials) to make an EXTREMELY low budget Holly Short cosplay (homemade shirt for me, plus my Kino goggles, Elena Fisher thigh pouch, my exercise armband, 13th doctor boots, Dipper/Hiccup wig, and some cheap elf ears), plus shirts for my friend and his wife, above.

The last thing I did was convince another very close friend (and actor) to call in as tactical support (aka the escape room hint helpline) as the Artemis Fowl books’ equivalent of Q, a very condescending centaur named Foaly. I sent him the full set of puzzles I’d written with solutions (and changed his name in my caller ID), so he could berate “Artemis” and offer hints or solutions should my friend get stuck.

START OF THE HUNT: Open concentric boxes, and get scolded by Artemis Fowl

I set up three boxes, each smaller than the other, with 3 codes (Gnomish, Centurian, and the Eternity Code) on the inside lid of of each box, nested in each other and wrapped.

The smallest box contains only an invitation to begin the game.

-To Myself:

It has come to my attention that there may be an issue. If you’ve gotten this, that means you’ve lost your memory- and, by extension, MY memory.

For safekeeping of my own mind, I’ve taken great pains to hide pieces of my own memories with friends and various acquaintances. Do yourself a favor and find the original document the People wrote on me those years ago. You’ll know it when you see it.

I hope.

You’re me, which means you’re too smart for me to wish you good luck. Just go and find the high school bags of three of our former friends. They should point you in the right direction.

- A. Fowl Jr.

There’s also a sheet of instructions.

Holly:

I hope this finds you in good health. I’m worried. I’ve had my mind wiped before, and it probably will again in the future. I don’t think you’ll be the ones who do it- you learned last time I’m a bit too smart for you.

In case someone more... unsavory, like that maniac pixie does something to me, I leave instructions on how to help jog my memory.

· In the residence with the People’s files, I’ll leave two clue trials. There will be three clues leading to the location of the People’s file. These will be tied with gold ribbon. And three more, with green, on the actual combination to said safe. Only I will be smart enough to put that information together, and I’ll need all six total to have enough to remember both the location and combination.

· Foaly and you will be indispensable. Please help where you can.

· If a door is closed or locked, unless a clue I’ve left behind specifically says to open it, it can stay closed. The same can be said for drawers and closets. You know me. I don’t like getting my hands dirty more than necessary.

· On that note, if a clue requires any sort of brute force, it’s wrong. I can’t assume Butler will be there to assist. You have my express permission to smack me upside the head of this and remind me I’m a planner; physical activity is hardly my strength.

· I may have seeded the internet (very well, I HAVE seeded it) with my own history lest I forget something like Butler’s first name or other personal information. Remind me to look up things online should I need to be reminded of family history.

· Everything needed to get my memory back is located on-site, but it may not all be indoors.

Thank you, Holly. I trust you to hold this until needed. I only hope that day never comes.

A.F. ii

The next three quests could be done in any order, and involve searching three bags I use for cosplay. I picked characters my friend was familiar with, so, while I do own a really nice Kaede backpack from Danganronpa v3, I didn’t use it, as my friend has only played the first game.

PERSONA 5 QUESTLINE: First combo lock clue/safe clue

The FIRST of THREE clues to the safe and lock starts with searching JOKER’s bag. A note from the Phantom Thieves is contained within, with the following text:

Hey, Dullahan (still your code name, right? Skull mentioned you might have had a change of heart). Been a while. You asked us to steal your heart for safekeeping, so we did. We only took a piece, though, so just follow the trail and you’ll be just fine; check the pillowcases; Mona’s always whining I need more sleep. Oh yeah, the first piece of it is in the Recon officer’s hands. Maybe they’re willing to TRADE for it? You might want to POKE them about it. Gotta GO- we’ve got more work to do. Sakurai invited me to some kind of tournament. -Joker

Trade Pokémon in Pokemon Go

I have a Pokémon to trade, an Unown. It’s an X, named MarksTheSpot.

Crack Joker’s cipher

Inside the pillowcase is a dossier, with a puzzle:

xM fW qF xO zJ kO xN cC lR jK xA gR xC xA gH oO eE xS xE rF wV xD oR eE fR oO xT fV eE xH oO rF jG xE tB kE iN oW xH aA xO oM kK oO xU gU oD oR xS qA aV oF nE xE tT oR xW uG oD wE xA nU wE rD nU cC xY nE oF xT fV xO wI kE rD xO jE xE kR fV iN xA oT iF rT xS nV rS xY aE nE oE iF nE xT nG mE oW xO uN eD jR uT xL kX hT nB xO eE qA xO nN jU xT nR kE xW cX bB oS cD nE eF xH sV dE xO eB bR xM jW qN dE kX vY xA iW bE xK dD wB jE xE iW oW xS eW aH cR iF xT lE xH dS lW nO iS xE fF xI jE kR xR yY uR fG xH nE rR xA xL uB uG oK pQ bR xL xM jE bR xA sI aQ zX xS sS bJ iR yG xT wI bU qR xE uD kR xR xL aY zU iJ vR rH xO aN eT xC gW cO lW qI xK rD uG xK kE rD xE oN nF oL wC xY uH uE oG xC qE xO jR fF xM rU gG oN xB wN oF xO oB qJ yB xT iX eQ kW sO sS hE iS xH oK lE xR kR iE fF xE wR qI uH xE iD fS xZ mU sT yE xE uV hY xR jR kN xO gO aN dQ nE xE rD aD xS iG zZ oW nT sS iE xA rR kR xN dR oO xD yX fR oO xA wE oF nU vR xO sE vR xN kR kZ xE

Finding only the letters with an X before them [X “MarksTheSpot”, remember?] leaves:

M O N A C A S E D T H E H O U S E W A Y T O O E A S Y T O L O O T W H O M A K E S T H E I R H A L L M A S T E R L O C K K E Y C O M B O T H R E E Z E R O E S A N D A O N E

Or:

Mona cased the house. Way too easy to loot. Who makes their hall masterlock key combo three zeroes and a one?

The Hall Keypad

Putting 0001 into the hall keypad will slide open a small lock containing a key to the mailbox outside as well as a folded-up paper.

First Safe Combo Clue (in Gnomish):

The paper contains the following

THE LARGEST SAFE NUMBER IS EVEN

The Mailbox

The mailbox contains the first safe location clue:

TO FIND THE SAFE/ THAT YOU MUST CRACK/ ASSEMBLE TWO MORE PAPERS/ AND SEARCH THE LOWEST RACK

Joker’s puzzle line has been completed.

DANGANRONPA QUESTLINE: Second combo lock clue/safe clue

The SECOND of THREE clues to the safe and lock starts with searching MAKOTO’s bag. A note from him is contained within, with the following text:

I HOPE THIS BAG MADE IT OUT OKAY. I THINK STICKING IN A DEACTIVATED MONOKUMA HELPED… WELL, MOSTLY DEACTIVATED. YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK ITS INSIDES, JUST TO BE SURE. AND… UM… DON’T BLOW UP.

“Deactivate” Monokuma

I’m not that easy to get rid of, kiddo. You n’ me. One round. Who’s a better liar, do you think? I want to know… All About You.

A homemade plush Monokuma is in the bag (who also opens his mouth and talks, when squeezed), unzipping the rear compartment is a piece of paper punctured with a You Don’t Know Jack pin and the above message.

The Mysterious Fourth Player

There’s a Jackbox pin attached to the note, signaling to play the Jackbox game All About You.

The three of us log in, and it won’t be streamed on twitch. But a fourth player joins, named MONOKUMA (it’s my friend who is playing Foaly, as I discreetly gave him the room code). He answers as normal (or like Monokuma might), but when it comes to the one-truth-one-lie section he lists the following:

Truth: An alien left you a snack in the fridge.

Lie: Artemis will never regain his memory.

This will lead “Artemis” to search the refrigerator, where a Tardis confection will be waiting.

The Doctor’s Orders

Breaking open the candy TARDIS will have a hastily scrawled note by the Doctor.

I’ve done lots of travel in my day… lots. Grab my screwdriver off the bookshelf (the OLDER one), and go find my old friend Ford’s journal. I know it’s still there. And check out the inside of the back. It’s exposure to the Chameleon Circuit should translate language, but it won’t crack codes in your own. One’s translated then, and the other… well you wrote that code, so good luck.

Using the 10th doctor’s sonic screwdriver on the last page of Gravity Falls’ Journal 3 (two references my friend IMMEDIATELY groked) will reveal a black light message:

The Eternity Code

The Eternity Code (written by Artemis in the third novel) is blocks of lines to make letters. If its too hard to read with the sonic/invisible ink, “Artemis” can peel off the tape and find a printout underneath, which may be a little easier to navigate.

THE SAFE COMBINATION HAS NO DUPLICATE NUMBERS

And folded up with it is an “old newsprint article”

Root’s Obituary

IN MEMORY.

Today, thousands gathered to witness Commander Root’s recycling ceremony. The man, a maverick who knew exactly how to take risks, was well known for clanking through Police Plaza hallways, barking orders, louder than a crack of dynamite. From a humble beginning in Haven’s western suburbia all the way to L. E. P. chief commander, the man never did anything halfway, and has been put to rest, having taken in an incredibly lengthy list of most wanted criminals.

He will be sorely missed.

(The bolded words are all board games on my living room shelf rack).

Makoto’s puzzle line has been completed.

RATCHET AND CLANK QUESTLINE: Third combo lock clue/safe clue

The THIRD of THREE clues to the safe and lock starts with searching RATCHET’S bag. A note from him is contained within, with the following text:

Not much I can do from another galaxy, but Clank hacked your computer and left you a fairy hologram, you’ll need some infrared goggles to read it. There’s also some weird folder on your desktop, might be worth a look.

Sorry pal, but you’re on your own this time.

This will lead “Artemis” to check the computer.

Hacking Back

Two users on the computer, myself and... Artemis. There’s some notes taped to the monitor that might help.

“Give it up, Foaly. I know you know my password.” and “you can always click the hint, but it’s the family motto...”

The hint lists “Gold is Power”, and the password is Aurum Est Postas, the Fowl family motto and Artemis’s own computer password (until he later changes it to Centaur in Book 6).

There’s only two things of note when logging in as Artemis, and they lead into finding the final combo lock clue and safe location clue.

For Emergency Use Only

Not-so hidden among the wafers, wire, magnifying lenses, and sensors is a pair of ‘infrared’ goggles (Also other than the ‘infrared’ goggles, the rest of the items are all real tech, plus my magnification ring, as I’m legally blind and loathe to carry a larger magnifying glass)

The Final Safe Code Clue

Wearing the goggles, ‘Artemis’ will now be able to read the image, which is in Centurian.

THE NUMBERS ADD TO TEN AND ARE ORDERED FROM SMALLEST TO LARGEST.

The Mysterious Computer Folder

There was something else Ratchet said was on the computer, wasn’t there?

Leads on Finding..../the Safe seems a good place to start.

Opening the folder is five photographs of people in nón lá (leaf hat), otherwise known as Vietnamese conical straw hats.

I did a semester abroad in Sapa, Vietnam, so not only did I take the photos, I also just so happen to have my own nón lá hanging up in my bedroom (I lost my baseball cap the first week I moved there, and my host mother insisted I get one to protect myself from the sun).

If you’re at all familiar, the Artemis Fowl series begins with Artemis tracking down a fairy begging on the streets of Ho Chi Minh city, so the hat’s my little nod to that.

Searching the hat leads to a simple note...

Face where Man acquires sustenance and it is sinister.

Face where Fairy acquires sustenance and it is right.

It’s wrapped in a gold bow, like the other two safe location clues.

Ratchet’s (and Foaly’s :D) puzzle line has been completed.

All minor puzzles are complete; it’s now time to find and open the safe..

FIGURING OUT THE SAFE LOCATION:

Clue one tells you its on the bottom rack.

Clue two tells you a bunch of board games.

And clue three says its on the left (sinister) when looking at where humans get food, or on the right on where fairies get food.

Its inside that rightmost cube on the bottom, since we are facing the backyard from this view, with the kitchen behind.

FIGURING OUT THE COMBO

THE LARGEST SAFE NUMBER IS EVEN

THE SAFE COMBINATION HAS NO DUPLICATE NUMBERS

THE NUMBERS ADD TO TEN AND ARE ORDERED FROM SMALLEST TO LARGEST.

From here, we know the third digit must be even, as it’s the largest number. The dials only go from 0-9, so the third digit must be 2,4,6, or 8. The numbers must add to ten, with no duplicates, so the third number cannot be 8. It also can’t be 2 (1,1,2 is invalid).

So the third number must be 4 or 6.

But even the next largest numbers (2 and 3) only add to 9 with 4. (2, 3,4) so 4 cannot be the final digit.

The last digit must be 6.

If 6 is the last digit, the other two numbers must add to 4 to make 10. There are only two valid combinations to make this possible (without violating the no duplicate rule)

The combo is either 0, 4, 6

Or

1, 3, 6

(the combo is 1, 3, 6).

With this information, Artemis can find and open the safe.

When he does, a folded note saying STOP! is inside. It contains the following.

You’ve come quite close, me, congratulations are in order.

But there is one final test for you, my old friend. Through these trials, you might have jogged a hair of your-my-OUR memory. I hope you have, because if you’ve done this wrong, this box is set to blow.

Under your old L.E.P. contractor’s shirt are two identically sized items. One of them is the files the People wrote on you so many years ago. The other… is a block of C4. Don’t bother pulling at them, but touch the spines all you like so long as you don’t yank it out. They’re designed to be identical, but only one is meant for you.

Foaly, Captain Short, and Wing Commander Vinyáya can’t help you here.

Think on it, and, when you’re sure you know the answer, pull it out and rip it open.

Diffuse the Safe Bomb

WARNING! THIS WILL SPOIL THE FINAL PUZZLE.

I’ll wait.

Waiting.

Last chance to try and figure this one out yourself.

Good? Good.

And here is where I pull an Artemis Fowl myself, and I play the biggest con-slash-bluff of the hunt.

There are two books inside, both wrapped, with wires coming out of the paper (they don’t actually lead anywhere). No matter which one “Artemis” takes, there is a signed copy of Artemis Fowl inside (the other copy is mine), plus the home-made shirt. Neither “Foaly” nor I will help him; he’s welcome to hem and haw at his old clues all he wishes. It’s entirely up to his gut on this one. There is no wrong answer.

Merry Christmas, old friend.

#artemis fowl #escape room

[altschmerzes]

ARTEMIS FOUL????? I NEVER WATCHED IT BUT I DO REMEMBER THAT THEY MARKETED THE SHIT OUT OF THAT MOVIE AT MY LOCAL THEATRE AND I HAD NO IDEA WHY BECAUSE ALL I HEARD ABOUT IT WERE BAD THINGS 💀 ALSO I AM VERY POLITELY ASKING FOR THE FOUR PARAGRAPH LAMENT AND ANALYSIS, I THINK IT WOULD BE INTERESTING TO HEAR FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS THE BOOKS WELL

OKAY CRACKS KNUCKLES LETS GO-

anon. i am so happy you never experienced this. it was so bad. it was so fucking bad. to quote the wikipedia page "The film received negative reviews from critics, who criticized the film's plot, dialogue, characters, visual effects, and changes made to the source material." which is fucking hysterical because as you can see, that is in fact..... all of it. the whole movie. that is all of the things about the movie! and boy was this prescient of the experience i was about to have.

so, without further ado, here is my rant as an Artemis Fowl Lover Of Many Many Years on what was insanely, profoundly, hideously wrong with that movie. under a cut for the wellbeing of my dash bc this is uhhhhh a LOT more than four paragraphs i'm so sorry. i still have so much more i could say but. i'll leave it at this. which is already a lot.

THE OPENING & PLOT

literally right from the very opening it was just..... bad. it was very bad. it started with this news blitz of like, clips of reporters talking about some mysterious big drama, and it was the. weirdest possible tone. to start this story from? it was weird and bad. every character's introduction was weird and bad. butler's actor was wearing fucking irradiated blue contact lenses for some fucking reason. artemis was surfing. what is going on here.

so here are some wild choices they made: artemis's mom? dead. artemis's dad? PRESENT AND ACTIVELY INVOLVED IN HIS LIFE. he is a leather jacket wearing, affectionate, involved Cool Dad who just has to go on a lot of work trips. friends, those of you who read these books will remember that the situation is that artemis's father has been gone for like Two Years, and artemis's mother is......... basically comatose in her room. she is very much not doing any parenting. this is the specific collection of factors that lets the whole plot happen, because it leaves artemis without any supervision or parenting, and also just enough like. cover for the plot to allow this to keep happening, because artemis iirc goes to great lengths to cover up his mom's like. catatonia.

i didn't watch most of the movie. i watched less than nineteen minutes of it. so i can't say much about the plot, but this setup of like........... COOL STUNTS and mulch diggums being interviewed by the human-ass police and artemis's dad teaching him about the faeries because they're Bonding (???????) and there's a basement of faerie artifacts in fowl manor it just. i don't. why would you do this.

ARTEMIS HIMSELF

oh my gd. they massacred my boy- like. okay. listen. i was listening to a wonderful podcast - it's called the shrieking shack, i highly recommend it, and it's a podcast by and for, quote "lapsed h/arry pott/er fans" and the hosts are great, it's well edited, it's a wonderful, hilarious read. in one episode i was just listening to, artemis fowl came up! the host liz was saying that she was just generally fed up with and burnt out on the 'boy genius' genre as a whole, which is fair. i respect that and i vibe with it. however, she didn't recall anything from the actual books themselves, which became clear, because her cohost, xeecee, sort of cut in to correct that like. actually, these books were a pretty effective and highly specific deconstruction of the Cool Boy Genius Genre.

artemis is smart as all hell, that's true. he's incredibly smart. however, he's also a smug, irritating, irresponsible little shit who makes bad choices, and the narrative and other characters are not easy on him for this. he's not supposed to. he's not cool, or smooth, or admirable, or whatever. he's just... a shitty baby with no supervision, entirely too much money, yes too smart for his own good, but making bad decisions and seeing consequences for those decisions and having to grapple with like. the way those bad decisions have consequences for other people too. and the movie....... un-subverted that. they ruined it entirely, because actually yes, in that film we are directly supposed to think artemis is Really Cool! we're introduced to him SURFING for fuck's sake. artemis fowl. introduced to us SURFING.

and then there's like......... the introduction, the first couple of MINUTES of this movie. like within the first three or so minutes. they torpedoed any chance i would have at taking this seriously as an adaptation of artemis fowl.

and so what really struck me very quickly as Extremely Wrong is that - and this is something that as an adult particularly reflecting on this makes me profoundly fucking sad - but he's too..... happy. in the first several minutes. he's happy. he's having fun. he's relaxed, he's a kid. that's not........ he's not like that in the books. he's not happy. he's not running around grinning because golly gee gosh does he love being in the outdoors in ireland!!!!! he's severe, and intense, and focused and we see him smug, and self-satisfied, and proud, and like. excited in an intellectual, aha what a clue kind of way, but he is not happy. and he specifically isn't relaxed and like- bouncy-happy the way he is in the first several minutes here. this movie so thoroughly misses the mark that it misses one of the most acute pieces of like. pathos? in these books? which is that artemis himself is a really fucking tragic character. like yeah, he's a shitty baby and he sucks, but that's 1. the point, and 2. he is a Child who didn't have a chance in hell of actually being one.

i think we get to see him like. shed that a bit, later on, and actually have some moments where he is happy. but it's so like........... it takes a longass time and it's extremely hard-won, from a reader's perspective. when we see him crack and act like a kid, it's huge. it's extremely emotionally affecting. so to have his introduction not only involve SURFING but artemis grinning and bouncing around and doing sick skateboard trips..... no. that's not...... no. at this point the protagonist is unrecognizable, and why are you doing an adaptation. just make a different movie.

BUTLER

in his introductory sequence, the narrative says he is never to be called The Butler, even though his last name IS butler, and "you could call him 'dom' or 'domovoi'" which...... lmfao. fuck off. you could resoundingly NOT call him that, that was in fact a major plot point. twice. this really, really fucking bothered me, because like..... that is specifically a character thing that i really really liked from the books, the whole thing about butler's first name. and the thing they did with artemis's parents, with his mom being dead and his dad just sort of Being Here As An Active Presence like. completely undermined the whole...... thing, with artemis and butler. butler was his father figure, but neither of them could really..... they were both kept at arm's length from this for a very long time, because butler was employed by the fowl family and artemis is like. so fucking emotionally repressed that he is practically made of stone. like...

one of the reasons that butler was a character i was always pretty fascinated by as an adult who like, pretty seriously failed artemis but also couldn't really have done any better because of the specific combination of factors that landed both of them where they were in life. and the emotional core of their relationship was something i was obsessed with as a kid who was just getting super into Found Family As A Trope. and the whole thing where like....... one of THE major cracks we see in artemis's persona, the biggest CONSEQUENCES that he sees is when he makes a mistake, he gets outplayed, and butler is fatally shot. he's devastated, he's terrified, and it's his fault. someone he loved - whether or not he could contextualize it like that - was going to die and it was his fault. and that scene of him dealing with this, and making this plan to save him and needing to move butler to the restaurant freezer and being too small to move him effectively was like.... man that hit so hard. and none of that hits without this deliberate distance that's represented by the fact that not only does artemis not refer to butler by his first name, he does not fucking know what it is.

and then in this movie the first line that artemis says to butler addresses him directly as "dom" and i- no. i think i actually said "fuck off" out loud. because come on.

THE UH. CASTING CHOICES. THEY MADE. HOO BOY.

so i didn't get to meet either of them in the movie and this was for the best, but boy did they ever make some casting choices with root and holly.

i love dame judi dench, i love the THOUGHT of her playing root, but like.......... of all the characters you could genderbend, literally pick any of them but that one. any of them. at all. personally? i think it'd be fucking great to make mulch a woman, or trouble kelp. i personally, for my own enjoyment, would fucking LOVE to see a Cool Butch Lady Trouble Kelp. bruh. PLEASE. but........ root?????? genderbending that character specifically undermines the entire Deal with him and holly. because the fact that root was a kinda shitty older man who had to pull his head out of his ass was THE POINT. but uh. not like they got into that i guess, given what i heard they did with holly. who, speaking of-

and casting a kid to play holly? no. no. fuck off. she is a grown-ass adult woman. i'm not even gonna get into this. it's so bad. why the fuck would you do that. that's probably what actually got me to bail because i thought i'd like, hallucinated that or something but my buddy confirmed that no, she was played by A CHILD. good lord. no.

#gav gab #gav answers #AUGH. I FEEL INSANE.

[aquaburst3]

Ever since that picture of Snow White with the creepy CGI dwarves dropped, I've seen people posting hot takes about Rachel. Here's mine.

I feel bad for Rachel Zelger. She is getting a lot of undeserved flack. Bigots are calling her "Snow Brown" and other hateful things, despite the fact that she's literally a white latina, who is olive-skinned. (Again, I think a lot of it is bigots being angry about "wokeness", but that's a whole other can of worms.) Rachel's position about this specific adaptation is completely understandable.

This movie is shaping up to be pretty bad. Not because of Rachel Zelger. This is already the second time the release date was delayed. I don't think it's just because of the strike. It genuinely seems like Disney is going back to the drawing board multiple times and it's not coming together. I still don't buy their excuse about the dwarves, since they look like they just slapped some CGI figures over the other actors. No one can come back for reshoots, making this even more awkward. Usually movies with this much production troubles never turn out to be good. The same thing happened with Artemis Fowl, and I suspect the same will happen here. I don't blame her for not liking this movie. This wasn't the first time an actor hated the movie that they were in. Robert Pattinson famously mocked the Twilight movies as they were coming out. So why is she any different?

Having said that, I think her comments about the OG animated version were a bit tone deaf. Love it or hate it, Snow White is one of the first full length animated movies ever. If it wasn't for it, the whole animation landscape throughout the world would be different. Hell, this movie along with Carl Barks comics are the whole reason why anime characters look like the way they do. You have to give the movie some respect for that. Her dissing it and brushing off completely makes her come off as disrespectful and like she has zero understanding off the character she's portraying or animation as a whole. The comments she made about the prince, by extension, Jeremy Renner, makes her look even worse. She should've thought through her comments before spouting them out.

Snow White isn't one of my favourite Disney movies. It's certainly a product of its time, and has a lot of issues like not giving the prince more screentime (even if it's understandable why) or it prioritizing random scenes with the characters working or goofing off instead of proper character or story developments. At the same time, I think Snow White's a bit more feminist than what some people are giving her credit for. She is assertive, capable, adaptable and hard working, which are all feminist traits. While I'm childfree by choice "leftist", even I admit that being a mother is a lot of hard work and takes a strong person to do. There's nothing wrong with someone wanting to have a family one day or being like me and never having any at all. Feminism is about choice, after all.

Yes, Snow White as a character needs an update. However, I still think you can do that while also keeping the core of her character and not turn her into a girl boss. That is certainly possible. Vil from Twisted Wonderland is a great example, and he comes from a Disney property too. Despite technically being inspired by the Evil Queen, a lot of his good traits are taken from Snow White and Adam. Like the original Snow White, Vil's hardworking, capable, adaptable, quick on his feet, kind, caring and wants to help out everyone around him become their best selves. He also lacks some of Snow White's glaring issues like her extreme naivety and dumb moments. (Seriously, why did she let in the Evil Queen into the cottage, especially when she was told not to multiple times and the birds attacked her?) But at the same time, he is also incredibly flawed. He's domineering, harsh, impulsive, overly critical, in his own head and super judgemental. These negative traits flesh him out and make him seem more human compared to the original, who was a very flat character. Hell, same can be said about Mary from Once Upon a Time. Disney can do it. They just didn't here.

I think we can all agree that Disney should've casted actual little people as the dwarves, the conservative "media" bullshit making their own movie is fucking laughable and the Disney Princesses can fall in love and be strong characters. Characters like Tiana and all of the other Renaissance prove that. I want more romance in Disney movies again, dammit!

#aqua rambles