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verysium · 1 month

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I’ve been seeing some discourse around twitter about the blue lock boys and whether they’d be a loyal bf or not 😭 Curious to know who do you think would be more inclined to cheat or who just wouldn’t at all!!!

I saw someone say sae would 100% cheat like whattt I feel like he wouldn’t even bother looking at anyone else if he already has someone (Cuz I mean dating him would likely mean you actually mean something to him) but I digress

ok anon you had me pulling up a whole argumentative essay here cus WHO TF SAID SAE WOULD 100% CHEAT??? 😔 that mischaracterization is so painfully inaccurate. twitter really took the whole emotionally unavailable itoshi archetype and ran with it. let me just clear the air here because my man deserves some explanation.

sae itoshi would not cheat. as in capital N and capital O. he took nearly an entire decade off his life just to work on his own issues and finally form a functional and healthy relationship with another human being. and you're telling me he's just going to let all that wash down the drain for someone else? 😒 twitter logic really be showing its illogical side here. apparently a man can be loyal to a professional sports career for eighteen years, but he can't be loyal to his significant other.

i think this misunderstanding probably happened cus of shidou. people read the manga and saw that sae dropped rin for a bug-eyed freak and automatically assumed he was disloyal. 😑 let me just say two things here:

(1) sae and shidou's relationship is strictly professional. imagine being stuck in an god awful corporate office with coworkers who bore you with their weaponized incompetence and a boss who annoys the living shit out of you. and then one day, the company hires a new recruit who is probably the most unhinged and debauched creature known to man. you're probably left wondering how he even got hired in the first place. but then you find out...he's useful. he takes risks and gets a high return on what he invests. it's impulsive and stupid, really. but at least it's unconventional and outside-the-box. he has your interest piqued. that's basically sae and shidou in a nutshell.

(2) just because sae gave shidou his number after the u-20 game does NOT mean he would do the same to any other person who would try to encroach on your relationship. and let's be real here. sae would get one text from shidou and block his contact.

anyways, here is my analysis on the bllk boys in general. introducing the anti-cheating to pro-cheating spectrum:

(A) cannot cheat under any circumstance (as in they already hate the fact that they live on a planet with 8.1 billion other people who are not you):

itoshi brothers (atp they don't even have the physical or mental capacity to entertain a third party), ness, reo

(B) cannot cheat due to physical incapability (literally cannot pull anyone within a five-meter radius to cheat with):

ego, igarashi, raichi, bachira (not that he's in any way unattractive...it's just...i feel like he would purposefully act weird to drive off people who aren't you)

yukimiya, barou, kunigami, noa, loki, gagamaru, chigiri, niko, hiori, karasu (baby boy literally felt inferior cus his crush was the cutest in his class), kurona (head empty, just you)

(D) would not cheat (on you but everyone else is not included)

isagi (unintentionally a homewrecker to others but would never let anyone homewreck his relationship with you), leonardo (idk why but i just don't trust him entirely)

(E) could cheat (depends on what they get out of it):

kaiser, shidou (honestly what did you expect when you willingly dated a blonde man...)

(F) would cheat (either proven by canon or they accidentally fucked up somehow):

otoya, oliver, nagi

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miru667 · 21 days

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How do you manage to stay in a fandom for so long? I'm always mario jumping from fandom to fandom every 3-6 months

Oh, so many reasons. I think I've answered this before but in a much more concise way so idk what happened here when I tried to answer again from scratch but uhhh I wrote a lot lol?? Long ramble time. 😂

I found this fandom at a point in my life when I really emotionally needed it, so I got really attached to it. I stayed because of the friends I've made in it and because of the OCs I got invested in, both mine and other people's, and every so often something invigorated my interest like a new roleplay I got to join or new concept art that got discovered.

I'm also just a really dedicated person (for better or worse) and I still have ideas that I want to get out there creatively. I don't get a lot of free time, and I rarely have energy for hobbies after work so my time passes slowly in the sense that I may still be in the middle of appreciating a thing, meanwhile everyone else has already sped through and processed it and moved on.

So I've gotta be really careful about choosing what to spend my limited time and energy on. It sometimes takes me a whole month to draw a piece of art that I'm proud of. It would be a huge waste of my time to spend so much energy on a fandom that after 3 months I think I might not care about anymore.

And like, if it's going to take me a month to draw 1 thing, what am I going to choose? Fanart of a character from a show that I just finished that I might possibly move on from in 3 months? Or art of my darling Audrey OC that I've been developing for years and whom I know will always bring me joy for the rest of my life? It's not a hard choice! Like I'm sure it's obvious by now but I really love my oc. It's gotten to the point that I look for her in every media I consume. I like characters because they remind me of her, and I like plots because they remind me of her. When I watch a movie and end up loving it, I'm not going to be drawing fanart for that movie, I'm more likely going to be drawing Audrey Grace in some way that's consciously or subconsciously inspired by that movie. I'm sure other people with beloved ocs can relate to that, too.

Back to media consumption: I'm constantly watching new things, shows, movies, letsplays, and I'm able to love them just fine, but I never participate in their fandoms (unless you count reblogging fanart as participation. I personally don't). I just don't feel motivated to and I feel like it's unnecessary. I shouldn't need to prove anything. You can appreciate media without engaging in fandom. In fact, I encourage it, because a lot of what I see in fandoms these days is just stressful, at least to me. And I don't want that stress. I'm much happier as a person when I don't have to read other people's opinions, discourse and drama over some show's themes or ships or whatever. I can just quietly revel in my own enjoyment of the show without being tainted by anything else, and my love for it is not any less valid than the person who's livetweeting their loud emotions while watching the same show and putting out fanart 1 hour after every episode. Bless them, though.

And I guess that's mostly what I do these days with the Onceler fandom, too. Appreciating it more quietly these days, I mean. It's just that...I have a fandom related oc so I draw her. And I have friends here so we do stuff together and we reference fandom inside jokes no matter what activity we're doing. If I encounter art that deeply moves me personally, I reblog it, just like I reblog art for other media on my sideblog. When anyone has a fandom history related question, I'm eager to answer because I don't want the past to be misrepresented or misunderstood. And also, since it's been over a decade, this fandom has long ago become my daily normal. I can do whatever I like but I can't really "leave" this fandom unless I delete all my social media and cut off all my online friends. And delete my memories of the past 12 years of my life as well. Just become a completely different person.

So I guess I can reverse the sentiment: I can't relate to people who hop fandoms every 3 to 6 months. 😭 All the power to you, but that's just not the way I happen to live my life, nor the way I engage with the media I consume! The Once-ler fandom was the one exception. It was special.

But who knows, anything can happen in the future. I'm not so proud that I'm purposely blocking myself from looking at other fandoms or anything. I just go with the flow! Right now I'm slowly making my way through jjba, an omori playthrough, a Plague Tale playthrough, and urusei yatsura season 2 (the new anime). Probably nothing will come out of any it except for a bunch of Audrey inspos, but again, who knows. XD I'm also going to an idkhow concert soon, and I've bought merch from their store already. Does that count as participating in a fandom? Maybe not. But now that I think of it, even if I "join" another fandom, it doesn't necessarily mean I'd leave the onceler fandom either, so maybe it wouldn't matter haha.

Thank you for the ask and thank you to anyone who's read my entire answer!

#miruask #long post #lovestruck enby #i probably sound insane but o well #reference

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risebto · 8 months

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So I saw someone else just ask if anyone will ever see the silly side of purple and I was wondering if you had any personal headcanons for purple in this fic that you have yet to share? Totes fine if not I’m just really curious (I love BTO sm 😭🫶)

YES okay so this is off the top of my head so i can’t remember if they’ve been mentioned before or not but i just wanna share

Purple was a kid who was really invested in space. he wanted to be an astronaut, had the little star protection light in his room, etc. part of this fascination is definitely from the fact that he never had the ability to see the sky as a kid, since he was underground. (this reminds me of a scene that i had an idea for… but idk if i’ll add it!)

Purple did actually attend a Yokai public school when he was younger. he does have documentation, and he is a legal citizen (of the Hidden City). draxum pulled him out of school after bullying due to his scars (thought mostly it was because the Council of Heads was getting on his ass and he didn’t want to put Purple at risk of being targeted.) He had private tutors and at least some formal education. He a smart boy!

Purple has a tendency to over apologize. I feel awkward adding this in dialogue because (even though you cannot talk to me without hearing me say “i’m sorry” at least 15 times) i think it breaks the flow and would be a little annoying to read.

Dude gets so excited when he knows the answer to a question. someone will be like “ugh why does x have to be this way” and he’ll push up his glasses and say “WELL ACTUALLY”. not because he’s mean or anything, but because he genuinely likes to divulge information.

Purple will burn the ends of his mask off. Yes, he knows there are scissors. No, he doesn’t need them. also he’s an edgy 14 year old so he absolutely will draw a slit in his drawn on eyebrows.

Purple likes to fuck with Leo. I said this in the Discord but I absolutely think Leo would say some mundane saying like, “I’m so hungry i could eat a horse!” and purple would whip around in horror and respond, “You would WHAT? Do you KNOW how offensive that is to horse yōkai?!”

i don’t remember the context for this but i think it’s still funny:

"I could use my bombs."

"WHY DO YOU HAVE BOMBS?!"

"Tsk. Youve clearly never blown anything up before."

"AND WHY WOULD I WANT TO??"

purple has moments of over/under stimulation where he will just bang his hands on a table. i think this would be so funny to hear in the middle of the night and leo just walks in and is like “jesus what are you doing??”

purple is very sensitive to sound. he relies on sound to ground him, to keep him calm, but it can also be his worst nightmare.

purple watched black butler. idk when or why but he did. oh and undertale.

he grew up in Game Theory. i don’t care if he doesn’t like humans, it’s entertaining and he’s a fucking nerd.

#rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #risebto #donatello #rise tmnt #rottmnt donnie #rise fanfic #bto answer

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heliads · 11 months

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Requesting a Clove x reader fic where the two have known each other since childhood! While Clove is an aspiring Tribute, the reader is from a super privileged District 2 family who’s exempt from the reapings, for some reason. (they were close allies with the capitol, ever since the first rebellion?? they train peacekeepers or make high-tech weapons?? Idk.) The reader always knew that Clove dreamed of participating in the games, and as her BFF (best friend-turned-girlfriend), she’s always supported her in her endeavors. Hell, her main motivation in learning hand to hand combat, even though she will never need to, is just so she can spar with Clove whenever Clove can’t train with anyone else. the reader probably still sucks though.

About a year before the 74th Game, the reader realizes just how close Clove is to being “ready.” And it scares her more than anything. She still tries to support Clove, and she still helps her practice occasionally, but she is clearly losing her enthusiasm each time Clove discusses or demonstrates her progress. Whether or not Clove has to convince her, the reader eventually spills out her fears for what will happen in the arena, verging on begging her not to volunteer next year. No matter how much she wants to trust Clove, she can’t fight down the dread that now shadows her 24/7. 23 enemies (especially the other Careers, they can’t be allies forever). Mutts. Bad weather. Dehydration, starvation, illness. There are too many things that can easily go wrong, so how could she possibly be okay with her best friend/girlfriend leaving?

This is of course an angst request, but here’s where you can decide if it stays that way! Does this become an AU where Clove later decides that she won’t volunteer, even if it means throwing so much away? The glory and her many years of preparation? The expectations of her peers, teachers, neighbors and family? (But that’s okay, the reader is willing to use her own family name to back her up if she has to.) Or is Clove just too far invested, and there’s no turning away from her life purpose? If that’s the case, then… the reader needs a big fucking hug, and she’ll be there to say goodbye before Clove leaves for the capitol.

just realized that this actually works as a prequel to my other clove request, which is dare i say iconic. also anon you must know that if you offer me a chance for angst i will never turn it down! !

masterlist

If someone were to listen to the gaping cavity in your chest, you think they’d hear the thud of a throwing knife against a target instead of regular heartbeats. It certainly feels like that, at least; you must have spent hours in the training room just today, and that’s not even mentioning every other day in your past and future.

That’s how it must be, though. Someone has to train until they’re as close to perfection as a human being can get. Someone has to be able to kill twenty-three other tributes until they’re the only one left standing. Someone must do all this, and that someone must be Clove.

The idea of prepping your girlfriend for the arena is somewhat morbid, but it’s not as if you truly had a choice in the matter. Clove made you swear to help her when you were small, and you’ve never been able to hold her in anything less than your word. If you really think about it, what you’re doing here is saving her, not damning her. By ensuring that Clove is as good as she could possibly be, you do all you can to keep her alive when she’s finally beyond your reach as a competitor.

Besides, it’s the least you can do. You won’t be in the Games, after all. Your name is not in the Reaping, nor has it been any of the other years you’ve technically been eligible. That’s the way it went for your father, and for his father before him. The Capitol does not like sparing any of the districts from the Hunger Games, but for a family they need in Two, certain exceptions were made.

The first lesson your family taught you was how to make yourself important. You should always have debts owed to you, favors that need to be paid off. That’s how you stay alive, how you stay out of trouble, and, most importantly of all, how you ensure that your name will never be called to participate in the Hunger Games.

In a place like District Two, where volunteers are commonplace, taking part in the Games is a source of pride. Lurking in the back of everyone’s mind, though, is the sickly truth that they’re not an honor but a chance to die. Sure, you could win it, and earn your family honor and respect, but you could lose the Games and have your life ended before you even saw twenty.

Your family knew that they needed to find a way to permanently stay out of the Reaping, so they played their cards right during the war and it paid off. Your family closely allied themselves with the right people in the Capitol, and so when the Hunger Games started, the leader of Panem made a rule that the names of anyone in your bloodline would never be called.

It was their only choice. Your family found a way to deeply involve themselves with the organization of the Peacekeepers. Without your relatives there to keep all of the branches interacting with each other in the best, most efficient way, the entire system would fall to pieces. There was a bit of dispute around that point when your grandfather was first running things, so he proved his points by stepping away. Nothing worked– the Peacekeepers in each district lost communication with each other and the Capitol in hours.

After that, they didn’t test you any longer, and your family was allowed to stay out of everything. It was an unspoken agreement that carried on no matter the leader of Panem, no matter the generation of your family. Your grandfather passed on the responsibility to your father, and you’ve been receiving the necessary training such that, when you finally come of age, you will be able to take it from him.

For the sake of pretense, all of you still entered your name on Reaping Day like everyone else, but the slips of paper would be removed before the ceremony began. That was to be expected, though. Divisions arise when people have a sense of inequality. If you want to stop the rebellions from arising, you reduce the visibility. You can’t grow outraged over unfair circumstances if you have no idea that the unfair circumstances exist at all.

To account for this, only the members of your family know that you’ll never enter the Reaping. You can play it off as good luck, and so long as you’re not obvious about it, no one will think twice about the fact that no L/N has ever entered the Hunger Games. Citizens are already distracted by the looming terror that one of their young ones could die within a month. No one’s tracking back your lineage to examine how many people you’ve lost.

You did tell one person, though. It couldn’t be helped. You and Clove tell each other anything anyway, how could you keep a secret like this? She made you swear to help her train years ago, but when the first year of Reaping eligibility finally started rolling around, Clove was confused as to why you weren’t training as vigorously as she was.

The answer you gave hesitantly, after consulting with various relatives to make sure you wouldn’t be damning most all of your loved ones. Clove took the news surprisingly well, actually. Maybe it’s because you were one fewer target that she had to take out. You were no longer a threat, which meant that you could instead be a friend. And then, later, you could be more. You could be someone she loved.

Loving her was inevitable. If you spend hours every day with another girl, if the two of you start sleeping over in each other’s rooms so as to not waste a single moment as the Games draw closer every year, if someone looked at you the way Clove did, of course you would fall. The falling was the easy part. Having to live with it was harder.

In the decades to come, you think you’ll look back on those years as the best of your life. Training always ramped up closer to the Games just in case; although Clove planned on volunteering when she was older so she’d have the best chance of a decisive victory, there was always the possibility that her name would be called before she was ready. Clove simply had to be prepared for anything, and so you cleared your schedule so you could help her out.

And so the days would pass, bleeding into weeks and months. You’d meet her at the District Two training center, or maybe the two of you would walk together. You learned combat for the sole purpose of being able to let her practice even better. You’d spot her while she was lifting weights, judge her form when she couldn’t watch her back, and do everything in your power to make sure she was going to win when the time came.

You have a thousand such memories stored in your head, of Clove throwing her first series of successive bullseyes and nearly tackling you to the ground from hugging you so hard; her exultant grin every time she could lift more, throw harder, do better; how she used to grab you around the waist with that mad laugh and tell you that she was going to do it all. You believed her, how could you not? How could you do anything but nod along, lost in her ferocity for life?

You loved her from the start, maybe. It was something you were born to do. You stood in her shadow and it did not darken your spirit, for it gave you the chance to watch her thrive and that would be enough for you, it always was. She was glorious. You were you. It had always felt uneven, but that was alright so long as you could just keep her.

The keeping her was the problem, though, as it would turn out. Clove wanted to volunteer, she always had. District Two raises golden tributes who can win better and faster than anyone else. Her end goal was always entering the Games so she could come out the other side with that title. It was her plan from day one, and you knew that, but somehow it still stunned you when she finally announced to you that it would be time to volunteer.

Your first reaction was disbelief. It was, of course, something that you were aware of the entire time, but it was wrong now. Clove volunteering was always something distant, an event that wouldn’t happen for years. It’s real now, though. It has always been real, but for once, you have to face it.

Selfishly, you had tried to talk Clove out of it, asking her not to volunteer. If her name was called, of course she would enter the Games anyway, but why put herself in unnecessary danger? You begged and pleaded, you asked her to stay out if not for her own life than for yours, but Clove just laughed and said you wouldn’t have to worry, because she would win. Of course she would win. There was no world in her mind in which she would die.

Still, you tried to persuade her otherwise. You still helped her train, but your enthusiasm flagged by the day. You were no longer protecting her from death, you were preparing her for her own demise. You encouraged this in her. You are to blame if– when– she dies. It will be her blood on your hands, and that will be something you will never be able to forget.

All of your attempts come to naught. The Reaping still comes, and although Clove has not promised you anything outright, you find it hard to believe that you’d be able to break through so many years of propaganda to make her realize that her life is worth more to you than her dying in the Games for glory that would only end up someone else’s. It doesn’t matter that you would put your family name on the line to keep her safe, this is what Clove wants, and you’ve known her long enough to recognize that it’s what she will get.

On Reaping Day, you find yourself lining up with the other District Two girls to learn who will become your tributes for the coming Games. You have never feared the Reaping; why would you, when you know for certainty that you and your family would always be safe? Now, though, your entire frame is wracked with terror. Either Clove’s name is called or she will put herself in. There is no way you win.

The designated representative from the Capitol takes to the stage, and then they reach their hand inside the glass vessel enclosing the names of all the eligible female contestants. The Capitol rep reads out a collection of syllables, and it is not Clove’s. You feel one wave of relief crash into you, and it takes everything in you to stay standing. That’s one possibility eliminated, at least.

You look over at Clove and you feel sick to your stomach, all confidence from before evaporating just as quickly as it came. She’s got that look in her eyes again, and you know what’s coming before she can form a single word. This is how it ends, then. This is how you lose her.

And then, at the very last moment, someone else could volunteer before Clove. The fate of the female tribute from District Two would only be decided because someone else was able to raise their voice faster than your girlfriend. It would be so easy for everyone to brush off the whole affair. It’s what they expect to see, after all. There’s a brilliant Career volunteering, and maybe it wasn’t Clove, but it’s still one of their own.

You, though? You were watching. It would be so simple if Clove just waited. It would have been just a half second’s pause, but it would be enough. No one would know. No one would have known but you. A thousand intricacies in one poorly timed breath, and Clove would stay alive. Easy as that.

But then Clove tugs the other girl down, shoves a hand over her mouth before she can scream, and yells that she will volunteer. This is not your imagination. This is not all the scenarios you can conjure up in your own head. Clove will never back down, and so despite your best attempts, you will never be able to escape this.

Clove is in the aisle before you know what’s going on. She’s marching towards the stage with that determined gaze she’s always worn so well. The Capitol citizen asks Clove her name and she answers, her hand is raised, the crowd cheers. You stare at her in horror, and she grins proudly. This is what she’s always wanted. You knew she would get it.

You find her afterwards. Tributes are allowed to say their goodbyes, and your family knows you enough to make room for you once they tell her to win. Your fingers find holds in her clothes, and you beg Clove to find some way out of this. Say it was a mistake. Say you said the wrong name, that you took the chance from another volunteer. Find some way to come back to me.

Clove would never listen. It’s all in her hands now, and you can see the excitement building in her chest as she thinks about it more. In moments, she will board a train to the Capitol, and then she will win the Games and you will be sorry for doubting her. Clove has dreamed of this while you were dreaming of her death. She knows exactly how this will play out.

Clove leans over to you, says I’m doing this for both of us, and then she’s across the room in the blink of an eye, telling the Peacemakers that she’s ready to go. The last sight of her is the vicious, glimmering girl you’ve always known, and then the doors slam shut behind her and she is yours no more.

You see her die when you’re least expecting it. She made it past the initial bloodbath, past the splitting of the Careers, past all the twists and turns of fate. You honestly thought she would win by that point, even though Cato was still in it. Clove had told you privately once that she would kill any of the other Twos were they to be her fellow tribute, no matter how strong an ally. She would never hesitate, and she would win. You believed her.

Clove doesn’t get the chance to prove herself right or wrong. She dies trying to kill Katniss Everdeen, that revolutionary from District Twelve. Clove was taunting her, taking her time about the kills. It was a mistake, and it haunts you to know that’s what her district will think of her. They won’t remember her bravery for joining the games, they’ll point out that one flaw in her perfect game to their children so the next generation will be even better.

You miss her night and day. You still expect the Capitol trains to bear her back to you when the Games are over, and it takes your brain some convincing to realize that Katniss and Peeta won the Games this round, not your lover. She’s yours no longer. She’s yours forever. Yours and that of the cold, dark earth in which you buried her empty casket. The grass grows over it now, thick and green. You knot your hands in it when the going gets tough and you scream at her for leaving you. She never answers.

It sickens you later, poisoning your mind against everything you’d ever held dear. This was their golden girl, their Clove, and when she died, they all tossed her aside like a bloody rag doll. She gave them everything and they can’t even remember her properly.

Another war comes soon. It brings rebellion to your very doorstep. Soon enough, they find you, and tell you that there are ways to help their cause. If you were not so foolish to admit it, you think you might even be listening.

If you were to do it, you’d do it for her. Clove always taught you to never back down. You think of her, and you enter the fray.

hunger games tag list: @w1shes43, @ilovexavierthrope

#clove #clove imagines #clove x reader #clove oneshot #hunger games #hunger games imagines #hunger games x reader #hunger games oneshot #thg #thg imagines #thg x reader #thg oneshot #hunger games clove #hunger games clove x reader #hunger games clove oneshot

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altschmerzes · 10 months

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if anyone has cats they would like to send me pics of i would appreciate that a lot i am having a very very fucking weird one right now and don’t really know what to do with myself.

the short version is: my dad died today. the long version is..... probably an absolutely ridiculous overshare but. like i said. don’t know what to do with myself so i’m just. idk im talking out loud i guess, putting this Somewhere. it’s. heavy, sorry.

so the post i made recently celebrating seven years going no-contact with my abusive father who kind of ruined my life in a lot of really serious ways i am likely never really going to completely recover from? yeah. he had a stroke earlier this year that sounded like it was pretty serious and that was a lot to process and then i just got the call from my mom that he had a heart attack while fishing with a friend this afternoon and died. apparently it was fast, which is good. he was fifty-five and i guess he’d just hit two years sober.

my mom sounded really upset on the phone, and i guess she’d only found out less than ten minutes before she called me, she just told my sister, who lives with her, and my sister went off to take a shower (read: have a breakdown in the shower), and then called me immediately and said “your dad died” as soon as i answered with a hey, what’s up. they’d been divorced for twenty years and he was a fucking bastard but i guess your ex-husband and your kids’ dad who you’ve recently been reconnecting with and spending time with again dies and you’re probably gonna have some strong feelings about it. my sister is in pieces, they’d reconnected and were spending a lot more time together. in their text they said ‘i barely got any time with him and i’m fucking heartbroken’.

and because he has no other living relatives my 23 year old sister who is uh, in a fragile state on the best of days, is gonna have to deal with all of the paperwork and shit that happens when someone dies. and my sister and i’s relationship is like.... it’s complicated, to put it politely, they are very hard for me to be around for a lot of reasons, but i wouldn’t wish that on them and i wish i was able to take on that stuff if only because i’m almost through law school and i’m the least emotionally invested in the man and it just would be easier for everyone if i did the paperwork and whatever.

and then there’s my brother, because i have a brother, who i barely talk about because it hurts to think about him. he’s nine years older than me and he’s my half-brother by my dad and after my dad went to prison on drug charges i didn’t see him for thirteen years. and then a long time after a brief visit too. he’s got two kids now, and for a while there we were in sporadic contact, but i haven’t seen or heard from him since i was maybe nineteen. and my mom was just kind of rambling on the phone about how she had to find my brother’s mother’s contact information because someone had to tell him and because i’m all the way out here and i can’t DO anything else i told her i’d find her and tell her what happened and get everyone’s contact information for whatever’s coming next so. now i’ve texted my brother, who is a living wound in my life, for the first time in like six years. he hasn’t answered yet and according to his mother he’s ‘devastated.’ so.

i’m not. i’m not devastated. i don’t know what i feel honestly. once i tracked her down on facebook and dealt with all of that i just sort of sat at the kitchen table and stared at the wall for a long time. listened to the mountain goats song ‘pale green things’ and drifted in a weird numb void. i’m not.... sad. not about him anyway. i don’t know what i am. i have a very difficult time articulating my feelings on a good day, fuck i mean i have a hard time identifying my feelings on a good day. some combination of autism and cptsd and the sense that if i have feelings someone is going to die, maybe me, maybe someone else. if i have feelings, i get someone killed, is the thought process, which is a long story but. is extremely hard to work around, especially when i don’t see the point because taking active steps to make my feelings known and make them something someone else has to deal with is like. what’s the point. why do that.

so i don’t know what i feel. i feel strange and distant and not-sad and kind of angry at my sister and brother for some fucking reason and guilty and resentful and relieved. there’s some relief in there i think, because it’s like. i don’t know. i had the thought earlier, ‘oh thank gd’ which is. it sounds heinous but i now i’ll never have to choose between attending my sister’s wedding and not having to see him there, if i go back to my hometown and feel like there’s a monster stalking me from the shadows i can just tell myself the fucking monster’s fucking dead and he can’t ever hurt me again. nobody in my family is ever going to be able to pressure me to just talk to him already, just move on and let it go. reconcile, forgive, get past it.

(i don’t know how much any of them know. i have never discussed this with my parents or my sister and i never plan to. we’ve talked about some things in vague euphemisms and talked around it even more. when he got out of prison and then when he was done stalking us which he did for a while and got some help i guess and was doing a bit better my sister wanted to reconnect with him and i didn’t. i had panic attacks, i was terrified, i didn’t want anything to do with him and i didn’t want my sister anywhere near him and i remember all my mom had to say to me about that was ‘if it makes you feel any better, i could take him.’ i don’t know what to... i just don’t know.)

i dunno. i don’t know. when i visited my hometown and stayed at my parents’ house (my grandmother’s house, when i say ‘parents’ i mean her and my mom generally) i slept with a knife on my bedside table and a plan of how to get out the window because i’d heard that he’d started dropping by sometimes and i was too scared to sleep otherwise. he terrorized me. i have very few memories from before he went to prison and most of them are of being terrified for my life. of being chased through the house, staying above the garage because for some reason we couldn’t be in the house that night. sexual abuse that i can still barely handle thinking about. he haunts my nightmares regularly, even though i haven’t seen or spoken to him in seven years, didn’t see or talk to him very often before that. i have panic attacks in my sleep dreaming about him, enough that i have to be medicated for it.

he’s a person who was deeply troubled and sick and suffered unimaginably in his life and it’s just.... i know all of that and i just. i don’t know. i hope he’s at peace i guess. i know he never was when he was alive. i know i’m not at peace most of the time, largely because of the shit he did to me. i don’t know. i don’t know. my dad’s dead.

#abuse cw #death cw #i dont know man. i dont even know.#csa mention #very briefly but. yeah. i dunno.#this is heavy sorry #long post

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stupendousfoxthing · 2 months

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what do you think about when people say that jungkook never reciprocates and/or looks annoyed by taehyung in company content and lives and such? honestly I like taekook but sometimes I do see jk being dismissive towards tae and sometimes even contradiciting his words making him seem like a liar and I know they see most of the stuff that happens online so does he not think about how that makes tae look? idk, I'm not a jk hater btw, I don't think he's obligated to do anything if they aren't together, but if they are real then it's a bit iffy to me, again not a hater, just a bit preplexed

i'm also not looking for them to perform their relationship for fans, I just don't really understand the way they act sometimes, they're also gonna double down on jkk when they get out of the military for sure, so I don't really feel the need to be fighting ten toes down for them when they don't even want us to ship them and often act kind of constipated aroudn each other

So bored on a Sunday you had to bring this to a JK-biased Taekooker? Of course I don't agree with whatever "people" (it's you, isn't it?) have to say about Jungkook's behavior, since you're clearly an anti. I'm not ten toes down fighting for JK or Tae against people like you who only want to find something negative in everything they do. That'd be unwinnable for me, and I don't really care what you think. If you actually cared about them and weren't looking for them to perform their relationship for fans, you wouldn't be here sending me this bullshit. You are putting expectations on them and getting mad when they don't behave exactly the way you think they should. I am _actually_ not looking for them to perform their relationship for me or anyone else, ever. Whatever they want to share is a blessing. I understand they are at risk and under extreme pressure from all sides, that they're human beings, that I only see a tiny fraction of what goes on in their lives and that there's a lot I don't know about them. If they're in a relationship, we're actually not supposed to know about it. How would you go about your everyday business protecting what matters most to you while the world watches. Figure that out first, in detail, before you start nitpicking what you think is wrong about other people's behavior and making these kinds of assumptions. Or at least send it to someone else equally invested in dragging others down. 'kay?

#asks

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mdverse · 5 months

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teehee you told me to drop by so i'm asking the most important question of them all.... of the main new directions who do they bias in bts and how much do they like bts 🤭

hi u are so real for this sorry this has taken me a while to get to!! been trying to organise my thoughts but i'm still not fully set on things. i guess ill do this from like. most to least likely to enjoy bts? (also i will say i have thoughts on the vb au squad specifically! i don't remember them in detail and they're probably similar to what i've written here but i def remember talking about it with mist)

tina: 100% most likely to be an army also def a once and a sone but that's not relelvant here! girlie has taste and i love that for her <3 she has jimin stan energy to me, i think she'd see the similarities between him and mike and she'd have a major soft spot for that

sugar: not technically one of the main new directions but i wanted to include her anyway bc i bet she loves bts. she has that vibe. she'd have all the merch and could very easily spend hundreds of dollars on concert tickets for herself and tina and anyone else who wanted to come. idk how she'd feel about the older eras but she'd def be a fan of the more poppy songs (maybe hyyh-onwards? def enjoys the LY/MOTS eras). probably a big vocal line fan, specifically jin and possibly jungkook as a bias wrecker

brittany: i think she'd enjoy bts a lot tbh! idk if she'd dive deep into fan theories or keep up with stuff like run bts but she'd def vibe with their music and i would kill to see her do the dance challenges or even full dance covers. i'd say she's hobi-biased but also just a big fan of 3J/sunshine line

blaine: i think he'd enjoy their more recent eras! mainly LY/MOTS-onwards i think? he has boy with luv/dynamite vibes. major jungkook stan in my head but i think he would really enjoy joon's lyrics/writing style

mike: def introduced to bts through tina dkfjgh but i think he'd get sucked in by the dance practices and the live performances even if the music itself isn't necessarily stuff he'd listen to! probably a 3J stan, if i had to pick one i'd very hesitantly say jimin

santana: idk if she'd listen to them regularly but. i do think she'd vibe a lot with agust d's albums? and i also think she'd find mono and indigo really soothing. epiphany would alter her brain chemistry and no one can tell me otherwise! i know for a fact that she would cry at that song. namgi fan

quinn: casual bts listener i think? def a joon stan tho i don't make the rules here!! i do also think she'd enjoy jin's voice a lot

artie: i feel like bts would be a guilty pleasure for him? idk if he'd be super invested but he would enjoy some of their music and he would def have an appreciation for the mvs! musically i'd say he enjoys tae the most but he def thinks jimin is ridiculously pretty

sam: hmmm sam is one i feel much less familiar with. mist said u guys have talked about blamtina being armys together and i can kinda see that? he does also kinda seem like he'd consider them a guilty pleasure to me tho. jin or jungkook stan energy

mercedes: secondhand fan through tina! idk if she'd listen to them on her own but if tina is around she doesn't mind listening to them. there's bound to be at least one song that hits hard for her but idk what it is rn. i think she'd appreciate tae's voice the most?

kurt: also introduced to them through tina! idk if i see him being much of a kpop fan but i do think he'd appreciate the aesthetics and the artistry of it all. i think he'd like jungkook bc he gets blaine vibes from kookie? alternatively there's sth about him that makes me think jimin stan

puck: bts doesn't really have much rock music so i guess puck wouldn't be super interested in most of it but i feel like there are probably a few songs he might enjoy just vibe-wise? maybe stuff like stigma, house of cards? i also inexplicably get a hip hop fan vibe from him despite that not being a thing in canon so i could potentially see him vibing with their earlier eras and stuff like the cyphers and being biased towards the rap line? but i'm not very set on that

finn: doesn't strike me as much of a kpop fan tbh but i think there are a couple of songs here and there he might like (fake love rocking mix!). idk if he'd actually ever remember any of their names tho kdfjgh he'd probably pick a different bias every time he's asked bc he never pays enough attention to recognise any of them

rachel: does not have kpop fan vibes to me at all but i find it hard to read her so i could be wrong there? idk i don't think she'd really listen to their music since she is so showtunes to me. that being said i think if she had to pick a fav it would be jungkook if only bc of the gold star/golden maknae association

#ask md #wlwtomlinson #glee x bts #new directions #glee hcs #if i were a gifmaker i'd be making SO many glee x bts lyric gifsets u have no idea #u'd better believe i have so many ideas already #if any gifmakers are willing to put up with my requests i have some at the ready always #also sorry for all the LY/MOTS mentions but i am truly going through it with them these days they are The Eras to me #though i could probably pick a fav era for each of them or sth idk #i will get to ur other ask in a bit but oh it feels so much harder dkfjghdfkh

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nothorses · 2 years

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About the thing you posted with the “why do people show emotional vulnerability on tumblr” or whatever, like

Some of us don’t have anyone to talk to irl. Some of us can only discuss certain things on here, and it’s like… maybe a stupid way, but a way to try and show the people who’re hurting you “hey there’s a human behind this screen”. Idk. I know it’s not healthy but… I don’t know what to do. I’d feel like just keeping quiet about it means betraying myself somehow.

Totally! And I think there's a huge difference between "showing vulnerability"- a normal and very healthy thing to do- and what I was talking about, i.e., depending mostly or completely on the validation you may or may not receive when you turn to Whoever Sees Your Blog At The Time for vital emotional support.

The reason I bring this up at all is because I've seen a lot of people do this kind of thing in various ways; I still can't really wrap my head around why so many people want to vent about urgent mental/emotional crises in a public Discord server, for example. Not that it's not understandable, or that people who genuinely don't have anyone else to turn to are doing anything wrong, or, obviously, that everyone in those situations in the first place is doing anything wrong by being in them.

The thing is, it's almost never actually productive or healthy. I would wager that a lot of people going into it know it's not productive or healthy, or at least isn't likely to be. For some of them, that's probably the point.

It's a bunch of random strangers. It's people you don't know, and can't predict the responses of. It's people who don't know you, even if you're honest in how you present yourself to them, because they don't have any kind of mutual relationship or vested interest in you as a friend.

So the possible outcomes, when you do this kind of thing, are:

Someone with a parasocial relationship to you thinks they know you as a person enough to provide the support you need, which maybe feels comforting, but likely is not actually useful in the long term coming from someone you literally don't know. It's hollow, because it isn't backed by a meaningful and mutual relationship.

Someone who feels generally invested in The Health And Safety Of People, As A Whole, sends some generalized validation. Again, this is likely comforting to some degree, but it is ultimately lacking in meaningful and knowledgeable support.

People ignore you, either because they don't see it, they don't know how to respond and are afraid of making things worse, or they don't have the time and energy to provide support to a stranger. You likely feel hurt, alone, and ignored by this.

Someone actively malicious uses your signalling or emotional vulnerability as an opportunity to be more effectively cruel and to cause more pain.

Or, the less common but still damaging outcome:

5. Someone reaches out in a genuine attempt to provide support, establishes a longer-lasting connection. Because this began as one person providing emotional support for another, it likely turns into a one-sided co-dependant relationship in which the two of you only ever talk when you need help in a time of crisis. (This likely burns them out over time, they are forced to cut things off for their own mental health, and you're left feeling even more alone than before.)

Look, I don't want to imply here that there's something wrong with being honest about how you feel, the fact that you're hurting or in crisis, etc. Emotional vulnerability is important! It's also not the same as relying on the responses you get from total strangers when you display that vulnerability. We need better, stronger, more permanent emotional support systems than that in order to survive. That's how people are built.

And there's nothing wrong with being in a position where you feel strangers are the only people you can reach out to at all. I'd still encourage anyone in that place to reach out to strangers over nobody, if it's all they have.

But that's a temporary fix. It's a band-aid. You go into it knowing there are risks, and you work to establish better long-term emotional support systems over time so you don't have to gamble your mental health on the reactions of The Public every time you need help. It's better than nothing, please use it if you don't have better options, but it's still a band-aid.

#mental health #sorry this is so dang long I just Have A Lot To Say. lmao

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gayspock · 2 months

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ok 1 menty b for me

i dont know. i think its just always been so alienating. i think theres something wrong with me and its unfixable. and sometimes, if i cant have anything else, i just want at least the fucking chance to express that without people thinking even less of me. and ik in reality nobody even gaf or sees me. but i also know know that if they did, 9times out fo 10 people would be rolling their eyes. whatever. idk. i feel so lonely and i dont think im ever not going to be lonely and its never going to get better because even when given the resources, the opportunities i just can never manage . i just cant . i swear i try . but every single time. my whole fucking life . i just walk away from everything with even less, it feels like. and its getting so much harderand harder. and i dont know how to express it liek ... i fucking feel myself SEETHE as ppl keep insisting "theres still a chance! there's still hope!" like sure bro. but i dont want to fucking keep living my life along the fucking asymptote of getting consistently closer to dying alone but "haha technically its not a certainty" and . like theres just something so fucking repulsive about me and i just cant seem to fix it no matter what. and im so exhausted all the time. and i genuinely dont think theres any way out of that . i go to work and i come home so burnt out and tired. and people are nice there but i dont think i can really connect with anyone . i just cant seem to get close to people . and i dont have it within me to meet anyone else because im so fucking tired all of the time .

and even if i did and i mustered all the energy and spent all the little time i had left in the world i dont think theyd have time for me. not just bc nobody in their 20s does but also because i dont know . it just never seems to work . and i cant do it again where i try to invest every little piece of me into it when its jsut always left me fucking miserable and pathetic. bro do you know what i mean. not to be 16 and lame as shit still. i feel like im always the idiot ppl take pity on at best . i dont think ive ever been real to anybody. like alwaysssssss...... and even now i feel like every time I HAVE existed within circles of others. its literally 10 times out of 10 just constantly fighting to be included and seen as someone whos not a fucking joke and i just feel like such a fucking . loser for caring so much about it when. REALISTICALLY. pretty much all the people ive met in life will have forgotten i exist. and ok. ok. i just dont think ... like its not like some trait within me right like ... im not As melodramatic to be like oh . oh theres an actual innate trait within me thats activated and stops people liking me. just. the contrary like. i just think theres nothing within me to actually like . or to gravitate towards. so likeyeah sure . that makes sense. why WOULD you want to bother with someone whos just kinda hollow or whatever.. something something or other. and i kind of wish i was more resilient about tht. but i jsut . i guess as is a Guy of that Nature, its just ... im trying to fucking not fucking spiral but i just feel myself fucking filling up with fucking . miserable SHITTY bile or whatever because i just wish i felt normal or whatever. its such a fucking human fucking thing that other people can MANAGE. but i cant . its so so fucking hard and i cant do it and i cant handle it. and i just feel so angry sometimes anyways . bc i hate it . and i keep trying bc i wanna make peace with it because i know theres no out . like ive long since given up on ever thinking its going to work out . because nothing fucking helps but makes it so much worse . anyways. i dont know. but i dont know bro. it drives me fucking insane when people always spout some bs about how "haha everyone has someone! everyone will find someone! like no they dont no they wont . its so .. so much more isolating. or like "EVERYONEEE feels lonely sometimes" like HOW does that help. HOW. and it makes it so MUCH FUCKING WORSEEEE when people tell you about how lonely they are too!!! like cool . i dont have a chance then. sorry i know thats such a bitter bitch thing to say. but idk if it rlly matters like ... at the end of the day idc when ppl have partners. or people they talk to. family who loves them. and youre still lonely. cool. thank you for letting me know, dude. go back to the people who will look out for you and love you whilst i sit in the dark and not speak to anyone for weeks whilst not a single person would even notice im gone .

or like. bro. i dont think a single person has taken me seriously for long enough to ever fucking like me or hold me in enough regard to like... want to talk to me again nevermind like be with me in a certain sense so i jsut. i dont know. sits alone. every fucking day for years maybe. i dont know. i feel so fucking sad and angry knowing deep down that i can know all this and know its true but even then . i cant even have that . people wont even take THAT part of me seriouslyand think im just some fucking idiot whos not even trying. when i really reallyhave but its just so... worthless it feels like . it feels like im never getting anywhere and everyone thinks i just gave up when i didnt. and i dont know. thar makes it sound like people actually see me and really are laughing or something when i dont think its nearly that much. i think its like oh people see me make that as a snap judgement and i fall out of existence again. and i dont know. it shouldnt matter but i feel so fucking strung out and exist between these instances only and idk. idk bro. im trying to be okay with it. but as im getting older i just feel like theres so many more things that are revealing themselves as worse and worse. and im going crazy. im going crazzzzzzyyyy . whatever . insert the mental breakdown gifs . the funny ones where those guys aremoving really fast

#egg.txt

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3vocatio · 2 years

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the thing abt one of the most <3 solomon scenes being copied word for word for diavolo is just so. it's not even insane or unbelievable to me it's just extremely irritating like these are genuinely such wonderful characters in a wonderful setting how are the devs messing up on the writing bit THIS bad.

idm the fan service because like... otome game & all that but also that doesn't mean that they can't have a compelling plot and good writing to go with it????? especially in events like clearly they keep trying to include every single character and it just. doesn't work. and there are just SO MANY events too like if you're playing for non-plot purposes it's still so goddamn annoying because let the players breathe 😭

idk i just wish the writing quality in the game would improve at the very least. like it's fine if it's 'cringe' or wtv at least come up with original and decent plots instead of just repeating the same things over and over again yk?

sorry about the rant i've just been really pissed about this lately in the game 😭

oh my GOSH raaz solomon is the last person the obm devs haven't messed up (+ the new side characters, specifically mephistopheles) and i'm so terrified of the obm devs ruining him like they did everyone else...

in this new steampunk event, the locked route is SPECIFICALLY being catered for whales. unlocking the chapters was easy to build up to, but now you need 15 keys off the bat to continue, and i feel like it's heavily reflective of how indifferent the devs are towards actually doing their own characters justice. everything is meant to serve their whales, bring in more revenue, and sit comfortably even when they know they're angering their own fanbase by rubbing salt in the wound (i.e. making satan self-aware of his cat obsession, solomon outwardly expressing discomfort for the erasure of his humanity from other characters).

the devs are growing to completely disregard their own story, slapping together some fanservice in the main story when most of their fanbase can't even reach that point. why not serve your veterans & those who financially support you with consistent & cathartic story arcs? why not balance everyone, everything?

so i share your frustrations: obey me has been spiraling down in quality for a long time. i think that the last time i've been satisfied with the story was during season 2, when the fandom wasn't as big, and people were invested in figuring out what'll happen next because everything was cleverly panning out to a huge event: the dagger scene with lucifer. people didn't know what to make of simeon's play, and i remember when people theorized that the play would parallel a huge event near the end of the season... and we were right! and so many people were genuinely happy with the story being able to keep their interest and keep them on their toes.

now, there is a severe lack of anything reminiscent of holding anyone's interest, even the veterans, even me. i would woefully log onto tumblr as season 4's lessons rolled around every week, and would share everyone else's disappointment when we gradually accepted the fact that the story was easy to predict given how lazy the devs had become. i want them to take their time so badly, to give us quality over quantity, but with solmare now becoming so big with their new cash cow, obey me, compared to their previous cliche otome games, i think they've allowed the success to get to them.

thoughts of “it's an awful game, i hope no one plays it” and “it's a nice game to play, i can't wait to share my thoughts” are two things that can coexist, albeit shaped into something more along the lines of “it's a horrendous game that i can bond over with friends” once you find yourself being sucked deeper into it.

i don't think i'll stop playing anytime soon, because as i told someone in the past, “[it has] flavor in all of its terrible, atrocious glory”. i'm able to use concepts & ideas that the story gives me and, in my eyes, i get to make it better. i get to share my thoughts with like-minded people like you, and everyone jumps on the inspiration bandwagon. people bond over the same failures that makes us frustrated, and that's one of the few reasons i have any semblance of gratitude for obey me.

#﹒❝ birdsong #raazberry #obey me #omswd #obey me shall we date #obey me spoilers #obey me rant #obey me solomon #obey me diavolo

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timetravelerasinfuckyou · 11 months

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So is like reality shifting/quantum leaping/body hopping useful?

This is not an article trying to teach anyone anything this is just a grumpy old man being kind of complainy and knocking concepts around so don't expect to be learning much here.

So like one of the things anyone asks about a type of magic or psychic technique early on is "how can I use this in my life" or "what can I do with this?"

There are two types of psychic powers: stuff you can do on purpose FOR a purpose and stuff that just happens to you and you deal with it. This would be the difference between having a swimmer's build and having chronic fatigue syndrome. Most people don't consider CFS to be an evolutionary or societal or really any advantage, a special ability as it were. But it's characteristics you can be born with just like being IDK predisposed to being totally fucking ripped.

So when it comes to having a trait most people want to think about having an "ability," but psychic traits aren't necessarily ableing traits. Some seem outright disabling, or at the very least, confounding.

Body hopping is one of those traits that I think comes out as a wash until you get very lucky or very good at it, and "getting very good at it" is merely hypothetical for me at this juncture. This all feels more like something that is happening to me than something I am doing.

This is not even addressing the issue of how to "prove" body hopping happens, something I am very personally invested in at this point just for the principle of the thing.

At least I'm not wasting half my life trying to read Zener cards or something, turns out almost all of that testing was a complete waste of time for those guys due to factors which would have been difficult for them to mitigate.

The big barrier is information. Moving tangible information between non-interacting bodies that is useful and timely is difficult to prove and somewhat difficult to do. I know there's no working prototype for a Small Modular Reactor and that the steel quality is not the only impediment to fixing the pressurization problem, but this knowledge is not only not very useful to me, but I'm not placed to give it to anyone else it would be useful for. Sometimes info does manage to get me some personal gain but it's usually in the weirdest ways that are very difficult to consistently verify. The nature of reality shifting is that reality being shifty means it's hard to prove or use anything because nothing is consistent.

This has been a series of complaints about how time travel is garbage, thank you, please come again.

#quantum leaping #reality shifting #i was trying to pick a relevant gif but i think this fits the tone better

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minarcana · 1 month

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RP trope tierlist

logging in from being AWOL due to The Inherent Stress Of Being Alive in order to post a dash meme that doesnt require thought

tagged by : @marionmaverick tagging : @aetheryic and anyone else whos online and happens to see this

ponderings on tropes behind cut and fel free to DM me if theres any of this bullshit u wanna write with me [audible winking noise]

ok hear me out. college aus are S tier and high school aus are D tier because as an adult i refuse to be invested in the goings-on of high schools and also the high school au offers fundamentally less options for insanity. college aus are here for me to make jokes in because anything in a college setting can happen. colleges are weird. this applies to both teachers and students. all the drama of ur school au with the added bonus of plots like "i have to hunt a professor for sport like some kind of CIA sting operation because he doesnt respond to emails and isnt in his office hours so come help me corner this guy". that, inherently, rules much more than "i still live with my parents because im 17". this is an unskippable monologue.

sharing a bed/fake relationships are all excuses for me to write incredible yearning, which i love and is my strength.

all folklore/historical/royal/magic/crossover aus rule. also i am a historian with a focus on literature/folklore/religion so obviously im Into It

we dont talk about my deep and abiding love for omegaverse unless ur also into omegaverse. i have a sprawling universe for all my muses in my brain. please dont judge me.

sex pollen is superior to fuck or die as a trope. i hold this true and sincere to my heart because of the specific kinks which i have. this is my skippable monologue cutscene in which i expound the delicate differences between the two. [REDACTED FOR LENGTH]

amnesia/death bore me generally. dark is fine so long as its not simply pure angst with no redemption. i enjoy angst but not pointless torment. yknow? miscommunication also bores me because its too easily solved and becomes unrelatable at a certain point of extension

crackfic and humor are different things, crack to me requires ooc. only chumps require breaking character to make jokes. skill issue.

i dont even know how id write a time loop thread bc 1. idk how itd work in general 2. every time i hear time loop i think of the fate/hollow ataraxia doujin that makes me laugh perpetually where archer gets stuck in a timeloop where the resest point is him getting boned. would be incapable of writing a time loop seriously bc id just be like "yeah but when can i make it reset so when the character wakes up theyre getting fucked like DAMNIT CAN I AT LEAST WAKE UP DURING THE FOREPLAY SO IM NOT SURPRISED BY IT bc thats my sense of humor"

now you too much about me as a person i guess but its been so long since i wrote i have to vomit thoughts apparently.

#dash games #wishlist

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crush3dmary · 11 months

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Okay I gotta ask. Tales of Symphonia for the fandom one.

(claps hands together) LET'S FUCKING GO

send me a fandom and i’ll tell you…

the first character i ever fell in love with:

Genis!! I actually fell in love with him before Zelos because when I played the first time it was with a group of friends and I played Genis so I already had a bias, lol.

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not:

Not really anyone. I don't think my character opinions have changed a whole bunch in the last 15 years, though I definitely have more of an appreciation for Colette now than I did when I was 14.

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not:

Ehh... again, not really any of them? I've been pretty firm in my otps and notps, but I used to be "meh" about c*lloyd and now I fucking despise it because of the fans, so. Lol.

my ultimate favorite character™:

Zelos Wilder (derogatory) I love to put him in Situations

prettiest character:

Pronyma. I enjoy her.

my most hated character:

Not hate by any means but I'm very meh about Kratos. I can see why people would love him but he just doesn't hit it for me.

my OTP:

Zelloyd by a long shot. 15 years going strong! Still writing em!

my NOTP:

C*LLOYD AND SH*ELOS I HATE THEM SO MUCH I could probably write an essay on how much and why I hate them but I won't I'll just make content I like instead!

favorite episode:

I'll do favourite scene here. Tower of Salvation reveal with Remiel. That part of the game just fucking hits.

saddest death:

Corrine :'((((( especially in the anime!

favorite season:

Favourite stretch of the game is dad reveal onwards. The last like 10 hours of the game are just fucking stellar.

least favorite season:

Sylvarant arc is kind of a slog to be honest. It's cool going and back and replaying and seeing all the foreshadowing but it wasn't until you start to find out about Tethe'alla and whatnot that the game really started to hook me.

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate:

Lmaoooooooo Kratos again sorry. Again, I see where the love comes from! Just not my fav.

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave:

Zelos. I can't even defend all his actions and sometimes he just straight up sucks. But the man unfortunately has owned my ass since 2008, so. There's no getting out now.

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave:

Pronyma deserved better. They could have done sooooooo much with her and they didn't. But that's okay, I can open up google docs and pretend.

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship:

Idk I don't really ship anything super problematic to be honest, unless you count zelloyd because of the (whispers) age gap... proceeds to rinse my mouth out with soap and recite prayers so Martel doesn't smite me for shipping something with two characters who look the same and have the same maturity level

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship:

Genis/Mithos. Not OTP level but I do love them. Lots of potential for angst there, and I've even written some myself.

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roseworth · 1 year

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What don’t people like about Tom Taylor’s Nightwing run? (Genuinely asking.) I haven’t read any other Nightwing runs in full but I have read some old one-shots like Old Friends, New Enemies (alright) and The New Order (absolute garbage), as well as the entirety of New Teen Titans and the 2003 Titans run. I’m not that emotionally invested in Taylor’s run. Every time I see Babs as Batgirl I get so angry my vision blurs but besides that I just kinda read it every month like “that was kinda fun” and then I forget about it. Do people dislike it because of how frivolous it is or is it too two-dimensional a representation of his character or…? I’m just confused because I love being a hater but I see him bullied a lot more than other authors who deserve it more (like Scott Lobdell, who we should guillotine) and idk why (besides the obvious ableism problem with Babs, but that’s a company wide issue). I hope this ask isn’t annoying or unintentionally rude or anything. I’m genuinely just curious. I mean, hey, if we’re all lining up to attack Tom Taylor with hammers, I’ll get in line but I gotta know why, y’know?

idk why everyone else doesnt like him so i cant speak for anyone but myself (i also havent read any other full nightwing runs so maybe my opinion doesnt count hfsadkjhfsaj)

but personally my biggest problem with it is babs being batgirl :/ even batgirls is making half an attempt to put her in the wheelchair sometimes, but this run feels like its going out of its way to make babs be batgirl

other than that there arent like. Major Problems its just bad lmao, the writing feels so forced all the time and its like hes structuring the whole story around moments that he wants (like dick hugging bruce and calling him dad) but then all the moments seem unearned because he barely built up to it and it feels out of place. also theres like,,, no actual plot. he keeps pretending that theres actually a story but then nothing happens every issue

not to mention the way he writes dick is so. ugh. its like dick cant do anything with help which is really annoying bc hes getting knocked on his ass by random villains every month and then its like "oh but he has so many friends and the titans are here to help him <3!!!!" and then that happens 50 times

anyways. i think that a big reason he gets a lot of hate now rather than someone like lobdell is because lobdell isnt currently writing anything (afaik? hes not writing anything that i care about at least fhdjsahfk) so even though i want him to die hes not in my line of vision and i have no object permanence. TAYLOR on the other hand is writing multiple books rn and i see people hail him as one of dc's best writers and its sooo frustrating so i hate him. he also annoys me so i think he should die

most of what annoys me personally is that he writes the most bland stories with no actual characterization but there are still people acting like hes gods gift to earth in the form of a comic writer ://// like hes not a good writer, hes writing moments that are intended to be screenshotted and posted on twitter instead of writing stories

im not trying to convince you to hate tt or anything ofc, theres nothing wrong with his nightwing run (other than the ableism which like you said is prob more of a dc editorial thing than him specifically) so if you enjoy it thats great, godspeed 🫡

#i actually enjoyed his nightwing run when i was first reading it #i thought it was fun and i was like 'o im excited to see where this goes <3'#um. then it didnt go anywhere. then i realized that it sucks really bad #hes annoying on twitter too which is probably the worst thing anyone has ever done and is a crime worse than murder

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polyamorouspunk · 7 months

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i'm going through somewhat of a questioning period right now after trying to get into the poly scene and discovering that, like, literally everyone i talk to says that poly is "the practice of choosing to date more than one person" and that referring to it as an identity you can have without choosing to date multiple people is offensive. (this isn't just a few people, it's like, the entire scene in my town! at first i thought it was just a few people, but then as i started to going more groups and stuff i realized *everyone* was talking about it like that, and then i hopped on poly Reddit and realized everyone *there* was talking about it like that too??)

they're not like, against identifying as poly if you're single, but the way they talk about that is like, you're single but if you *were* dating you would be open to dating more than one person. or if you're only currently dating one person, you don't plan to stop dating if you meet someone else you like, you just haven't met other people yet.

so here's my thing. i'd really been invested in the queer poly community online for a while, and most of us talk like you, where it's an orientation and we can choose to not act on it if there's other factors influencing our lives. like in my case that i think you relate to somewhat, where i have unprocessed baggage and i need to wait til i'm in a better place and don't have toxic jealous behaviors before i actively date multiple people. for me also there's covid problems because i'm immune disabled and nobody is masking in my town so i *can't* date until people start masking again (if they ever do -__-). still poly, just not acting on it right now. but according to the scene in my city, and apparently commonly across the country according to Reddit, that's offensive and "hijacking the queer community"??? and i DO NOT know how to talk to these people about it without them going off on me about "appropriating struggles" (that i LITERALLY ALSO HAVE, i'm visibly trans and they can see that, lmao). thoughts would be nice!!!

That’s wild. Most people I know talk about polyamory as either “the practice of dating more than one person” or “the inherent desire to date more than one person” where it’s either or, like you said. Like not just a queer identity, but both. There was a booth at Raleigh pride when I went the first year that was literally a polyamory group for… polyamorous people… at pride… so like I *assume* it was there to be a queer identity but I mean idk churches are there and stuff too so maybe not? Unfortunately I live almost 2 hours from Raleigh so I can’t be making meetings there, because I would love to know what that group things. I still have their card in my wallet almost 5 years later. Idk because it’s like. Are you gay if you just “choose to date people of the same sex/gender”? Are you aro if you just “choose not to date anyone”? Like you can’t erase the fact that for some people it is their queer identity, and that it’s tied to their gender and sexuality like gender and sexuality are tied to each other. It’s a third category of “sexuality, gender, and relationship preference” to me. I think I would be offended (and I have been offended!) when people insinuate it’s not queer, because for me it is. I mean you know what else is queer to me? My fashion! Maybe someone else dressing in the same way isn’t queer to them but me dressing the way I dress is queer to me. But I like yeah I know at least one person I came across on tumblr had a whole “polyamory isn’t inherently queer by the way. Neither is being asexual or aromantic.” And when I, I guess, uncovered that, a LOT of people came to me and was like “woah I really liked this blogger I can’t believe they’re aphobic” and that had literally nothing to do with me I was just talking about the polyamory part so to me, also, since polyamory and aromanticism/asexualism is so inherantly linked, sometimes I feel like when people say polyamory isn’t queer they also end up sounding like (or being like) aromanticism and asexualism ALSO isn’t queer which is… bad.

#punk gets mail

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