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#At least it was all edible
emmettsleftnut · a year ago
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Emmet and Jasper in: Food Shopping for Bella
Jasper: Ok Emmett, we're here, we have a goal, did you ask Bella what she needed?
Emmett: Was I... supposed to?
Jasper: Emmett, that was your one s i n g l e job, asking the human what she needed to eat
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Emmett: Ok so... like meat, right? I used to eat that shit a ton as a human. They dont sell deer, thats stupid, guess we'll go with chicken.
Jasper: Em, she doesnt need 8 packs of chicken.
Emmett: Bro have you seen chickens, theyre so small, I could put an entire chicken in my mouth. Y'know what, I've seen a chicken near home. When we get home im showing you that I can put an entire chicken in my mouth-
Jasper: Emmett please god stop, I don't doubt you can fit a chicken in your mouth, people are staring.
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Jasper: Ok, Edward said Bella likes salad. Do you know anything about salad.
Emmett: Do I LOOK like I have ever eaten a salad Jaz.
Jasper: Yeah fair honestly I dont even know why I asked.
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Emmett: Ok, we have a bunch of leaves, we have... vegetables of some description. What else did Eddie say she liked?
Jasper: Something about mushrooms, like a pasta, he said they had it in a resteraunt in Port Angeles. Lets go to the pasta section then.
Emmett: I am not entirely positive what a pasta is but when I find out, hooooo boy.
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Jasper: Ok so I'm not seeing any mushroom flavoured pasta, Em what do we do thats like... the only thing I can think of that it could be.
Emmett: *looking at a box with a triumphant look* Well, queue the hoooo boy because Jaz, I have found what we have been searching for.
Jasper: Wait, you did? What is it?
Emmett: *holding up box for Jasper to see* It says right here "mushroom shaped pasta" thats like, the same thing right?
Jasper: You are an absolute genuis.
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Emmett: OK, chicken?
Jasper: Check.
Emmett: Mushroom shapes?
Jasper: Check.
Emmett: Leaves?
Jasper: Check.
Emmett: Thats all I can think of, humans just need water and sun then they'll get big and strong, right?
Jasper: Em, thats a plant, youre thinking of photosynthesis. Humans need food and sleep and warmth and happiness and stuff.
Emmett: Ok, I vote that I just improvise a bit and see what happens. Whats the biggest potential issue?
Jasper: Fair honestly, go wild I'll meet you at the register.
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BONUS:
Emmett: Cullens, we have been hunting and we have RETURNED
Jasper: We did great, obviously
Alice, to Edward: Spoiler Alert; they didn't do great
Emmett: Hush Alice, let me show our bounty. Mortal, come to us.
Bella: *wearily walking over* uh.. sure
Alice, mouthing to Bella: Be nice, they did their best.
Jasper: Firstly, we have, drumroll please... chicken.
Bella: Mmm
Jasper: And chicken
Bella: Oh
Jasper: And chicken
Bella: ..
Jasper: And chicken, and some more chicken, and finally, a bit more chicken.
Bella: Ok, awesome, thanks.
Emmett: Please Bella, save your praise for when we're finished.
Bella: Y'know what, sure Emmett, please show me what else you have there, I would personally love to see it.
Emmet: Of course you would. Next up we have... salad!
Bella: Em, that just lea-
Emmett: Bella please, I know youre insanely greatful but as I said, save the praise for once we're finished. I will only accept drumrolling at appropriate intervals. Jasper, next item please.
Jasper: We have mushroom pasta
Edward: Oh, thats actually a good one. Wait, Jasper, what is this?
Jasper: Its mushroom pasta..? Duh
Edward: Did you hear me talking about the thing from Port Angeles?
Jasper: Mhm, we thought we'd suprise her with her favourite.
Edward: Jasper, it's called mushroom ravioli, and she's only ever eaten it once, and I'm like 90% sure it was sub-par at best. Also, this is just mushroom SHAPED, it doesnt have any mushroom in it what-so-ever. I don't even thi-
Alice, smacking edward over the head: Jasper its great, lets just move on to the next thing.
Emmett: Ok, speedround, you ready?
Bella: Absolutely not
Emmett: Cool, 1. Frozen corn 2. thin potatoes in a very large bag 3. An entire bag of B+ blood, no you may not ask where I found it 4. Tiny edible pillow things. 5. Finally... Tampons, idk it felt like a good idea.
Bella: Honestly thank you
Emmett: Also I need to show you something with a chicken I found, wanna see
Bella: Absolutely
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wilds-ponytail · a month ago
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Wild: Change is inedible
Hyrule: Don’t you mean inevitable?
Wild, spitting out a rupee: Nope
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uraaniuum · 7 months ago
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Disaster Lineage and what I think they’d wear to Pride.
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rachi-roo · 6 months ago
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No need to thank me ❤️👌
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stonerz4sokka · 7 months ago
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both katara and yue share incredible responsibilities as being the last pillars in their respective communities and, by extension, the last hope in surviving the war yet both of the specific roles they hold and how they wield their agency fundamentally differ from one another. in short, katara is a warrior. yue is a princess. katara refuses to back down from a confrontation and actively takes up as much space as possible. she’s fiercely aware of her worth and will make sure that everyone else is as well. yue, on the other hand, constantly sacrifices her own needs and to the point of it being detrimental to her personhood. now yue’s choices are largely informed by her father’s socio-political position as chief as well as the staunchly misogynistic environment that is the nwt whereas katara doesn’t face nearly as many obstacles as a result of her gender. spirit world yue though isn’t burdened with earthly responsibilities and is essentially free to do whatever she pleases for the first time in her life and a post-canon situation where her and katara are able to genuinely bond as sort-of sisters would be so transformative for the both of them, but especially for yue. of course, no one understands yue as well as sokka does and the profoundness of their relationship lies behind their ability to see one another for who they truly are, but yue could learn a lot about being assertive and setting boundaries and taking up space and luckily master katara inspired a generation of girls of color to do precisely that. who else is gonna show yue that she can be messy and mean and say “no” and have fun and enjoy being a kid?? 
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theradicalace · a month ago
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yknow, i have to wonder, what type of flower ARE the golden flowers in undertale? they look like buttercups, but the fact that “golden flower tea” exists means they cant be, or at least, they can’t ONLY be buttercups, because buttercups are toxic. i wonder if they might be a few different types of flowers together, and monsters just call them golden flowers as a catchall?
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a-little-bit-poss · 2 months ago
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nitroish · 8 months ago
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From best to worst how do you rate the link's cooking?
oh boy oh boy here we go
 wild  ;  resident cook? duh? we all know this one.
 twilight  ;  sometimes feeds the kids or at least Helps make food when Family Time(tm). he makes a mean fish fillet tho
 legend  ;  hes been living on his own since he was nine (kinda) so hes gotta fuckin feed himself SOMEHOW - also he learned so he could make ravio breakfast. sh tho dont tell anyone he can cook
 four  ;  same as legend? off on an adventure, needed at least some Basic Skills. the colours are all good at their own dishes n they r so fuckin different from eachother.
 time  ;  time isnt bad at cooking? hes is just clumsy. big tall man not aware of How Big And Tall He Is. also he has a blindside so... thats a bit of a disadvantage? just . clank. there it goes, knocked over.
 wind  ;  kind of? not really? the sea is weird. tons of fish around i guess. they had a lot of rations, prolly. stopped by islands to stock on fresh food.
 warriors  ;  war time rations and barracks food. he can totally cook! (takes takeout food out of box and puts it in serving dish) (heats up food) (makes sandwich)
 hyrule  ;  if he had good ingredients and some moral support he would not be bad at cooking. and some good ingredients that arent just old.
 sky  ;  he lived in the academy which Served Them Food. and he had continuous access to that throughout his adventure as well, so. learning to cook maybe was not on his priority list. 
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dontfeelwell · 14 days ago
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Started adding protein to my diet cuz my hair drying and falling out was spooky. Gonna make sure to get between 30-50 grams per day from now on. I bought salmon, shrimp, cottage cheese, protein powder and some protein bars!
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humandisastersquad · 3 months ago
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nnghfjkgh i hate that most foods that are high in fibre and protein are foods that i absolutely Cannot eat
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austerulous · 4 months ago
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I love thinking about the woods and their significance to Annie, about how she considers them her home.
As a girl, she would have grown accustomed to the eerie sound of branches scraping against the windows of her father’s cabin, to hearing all manner of bestial, unidentifiable sounds in the dead of night (the scream of a vixen is positively haunting), to finding smatterings of scattered feathers, the carcasses of small animals, little bundles of bleached bones.
There is brutality, mystery and danger in the woods – to outsiders, it can be a deeply frightening and unsettling place – but for Annie it is somewhere familiar, somewhere comforting. Not necessarily safe mind you, given her childhood memories are deeply stained by her father’s cruelty.
Having been raised in isolation, she craves the quiet, and finds populated, urbanised areas overwhelming and exhausting. The eyes of the world can’t find her among the trees. There she can feel hidden. For a short time, at least.
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tearlessrain · a month ago
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honestly happy home paradise was worth it just to be able to redesign my poor starter villagers’ terrible wooden block and sleeping bag houses
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prayingmanits · 7 months ago
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I think cake sculptures are a beautiful art that needs to be appreciated but also I hate the fact that to get a nice looking cake u have to use SO much fondant it’s SO nasty
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earlymodernlesbian · 2 months ago
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if heat is inflammatory then why is it the only thing that helps my body hurt less
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lazyfox411 · 2 months ago
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.
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astriiformes · a year ago
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Today's big foraging find is a HUGE (three and a quarter pound!) likely Hen of the Woods! We still need to do a spore print to confirm our suspicions, since it's a new one for us, but I'm pretty confident we have the ID right, which would be really exciting
(Feat. @scribefindegil doing another hobbit glamour shot with the fruit of our labor)
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jacqueattack · 3 months ago
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Also apologies in advance bc I plan on being absolutely faded within the next few hours
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doebt · 8 months ago
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omgg and probably i cant even pull off this donut heist in the state im in...Every day is hell seriously every day hell on earth...😭
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lance-charles-mcclain · 8 months ago
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ow guys I hurt my shoulder and it was bleeding and shit but don’t worry now it’s fixed!
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nerdfighterwhatevernumbers · 6 months ago
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i’m so mad they had to do floral flavors for this challenge and only one baker went for honeysuckle
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