#BLACK MUTHAFUCKA. I’M BLACK MIXED WITH BLACK

[megamindsecretlair]

Run it Back

Pairing: Tyrone x Black!Fem!reader / Plus Size reader

Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI, Daddy kink, pet names. You are in charge of your own reading experience. Intentional use of AAVE. Smut, PWP, cursing, PIV, oral (male receiving), cum play, possession kink, size kink, breeding kink if you squint, all consensual. Degradation/Praise kink.

Summary: You forgot to check in with Tyrone and he calls while you're at the club. You rush home to apologize properly.

Word Count: 2,603k

A/N: Oh look, I'm zooted and feral again. This was so hot. I had a lot of fun writing it! Thank you all so much for all of your support and for reading! Goodness, how did this taglist get so big? ILY FRFR. Likes are always awesome. Please consider commenting and reblogging to help support writers!

Taglist: @planetblaque @dayjlovesromance @sevikasblackgf @melaninpov @amyhennessyhouse @henneseyhoe @wakandas-vibranium @honeyoriginalz @justheretostan @black-fairy3 @superhoeva @jarfulloftears @hereformiles @montysstuffs @westside-rot @blackerthings @blowmymbackout @euphoric05 @miyuhpapayuh @nicolexnight @8ttached @judymfmoody

You dug your phone out of your purse as you danced to the music in the club. You were too turned up and had been having a blast with your friends, turning away guys but accepting the free drinks. Tyrone’s name flashed on your phone and you stopped dancing. 

Your friend noticed and elbowed you to get your attention. You waved her off. Your stomach turned sour. Maybe you shouldn’t have had that third drink. Or was it the fourth? 

“Hey, baby,” you said. 

“The hell you at?” Tyrone’s voice was like a punch through the phone. He was mad. Scratch that. He was furious with you. 

“Um, I’m a little busy,” you said. You knew he could hear the thumping music. There was no need to tell him where. 

“You know what time it is?” He asked. 

You looked at the screen on your phone. Shit! You were  way, way past the time you told him you’d be home. You didn’t even text him to say you were staying longer. He loved that you were independent but it killed him when you were reckless with your safety. 

“Baby, I’m sorry. We started dancing and they played all of my songs. You know like–”

“If you’re not here in ten minutes, I’m comin’ for that ass,” he snapped. 

“Wait, I’m farther than that,” you said. Mentally, you thought about the route to your place with Tyrone. Even if you broke all of the traffic laws on your way over, there was no way to make it in ten minutes. The dread in your stomach gave way to hefty need. Your core ached and the hairs on the back of your neck raised. 

“Nine minutes,” he said. 

He hung up the phone and you got up. You didn’t say goodbye to your friends or stop long enough to breathe. You rushed out of the club and raced to your car. Your heart thumped in your chest and your hands shook. 

You pulled out of your space and pulled into late LA traffic. They said New York was the City that Never Sleeps. So LA must be the City that Never Learns to Fuckin’ Drive. A car honked at you as if you were the problem. If a muthafucka ain’t got their headlights on, how the fuck you supposed to see them? 

You made it home, barely legally. There were too many close turns and random cars enough to spook you. You thought you were going to get into an accident. But the closer you made it to Crenshaw, the more the traffic died down. Hood people knew when to take they asses home. 

You straightened out your outfit as you got to the door. His car was still in the driveway. You wondered if he really would have come to the club and scooped you up. You didn’t need that embarrassment. 

You got inside and listened out for where Tyrone may be. The living room and kitchen beyond were dark. You didn’t see a light upstairs either. Surely, he would have waited until you were inside, right? 

A light popped on to your left and you jumped. Fear mixed with desire until you shook a bit. Tyrone sat in his favorite chair in the living room. A recliner that you both picked out. But more so him. He kept eyeing it and you knew that he never treated himself. His mind was always on the hustle and more money. You were trying to buff that rough edge of him. It wasn’t easy, but baby steps. 

His hand was on his knee while the other propped up his head. The light had a thin shade so it covered a good portion of him. The other side was cast in shadow, giving him an eerie look. 

You bit your lip and fought off shivers. If you thought you were needy before, you were downright feral as you looked at your man. Sometimes, you simply watched him. Watched the way he moved. The slow way he walked, his big hands, his wide smile, and his fine lips. His hair needed a little touching up. You made a mental note to do that for him tomorrow.

“Hey baby,” you said.

“Don’t ‘hey baby’ me. The fuck you doing out this late?” He asked.

“I didn’t look at the time!” You said. 

“That’s not good enough. You think I like yelling at you?” He asked. He wasn’t really yelling. He never truly yelled. His voice went up in volume, that was about it. Tyrone held his anger inside. As if he were fueling his own angry battery. 

“No! I’m sorry! I’ll do better,” you said. 

“What you say?” 

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” you said. That didn’t seem to appease him. He stared at you. He was still as a statue. Then his tongue darted out to lick his lips.

“Bust me this nut and maybe I’ll believe you,” he said. He crooked his fingers at you. 

You took off your jacket and threw it onto the sofa next to you. You tossed your purse on top. You had chosen to wear a dress and you were so happy you did. You kept your heels on and slowly got to your knees.

You crawled across carpet. It was a short distance to his knees. He spread them as you got closer. You kept your eyes trained on him but in your peripheral, you saw his sweats tent up. 

You stopped and knelt in front of him. You rubbed his knees as he looked down at you. “Get it nice and wet for me,” he said. 

You leaned up further and started to untie his sweats. You could feel your arousal soaking your panties already. Your inner thighs tingled. You freed him and his dick twitched. You stroked him, always marveling at how it was both soft and hard. 

Precum leaked on the tip and you ran your tongue over it. You were not supposed to be attracted to dicks. They were gross. And men hardly took care of themselves as it is. But Tyrone at least cared about hygiene. His hairs tickled your nose as you sucked him in.

Tyrone groaned and threw his head back. He settled further into the chair. You grabbed his meaty thighs and took in as much of him as you could. Your loud and filthy slurping noises filled the room. Tyrone moaned and it only turned you on more. You were doing this to him. And he was loving it. 

His hands dug into your hair and gripped your head. He pulled you down further on his dick and you gagged a bit on him. You tapped his thigh twice. He let up some so that you could finally breathe. You tapped him once to let him know that you were okay now.

He continued to fuck your mouth. He once told you that he didn’t know which he loved more: filling your mouth with dick or sliding into the wet, hot heat of your cunt. Watching your eyes tear up or watching his dick disappear inside you. There were so many good options. 

“Fuck, this mouth is good for somethin’,” he said.

Your pussy fluttered at the backhanded compliment. He was such an ass. A cocky muthafucka that ain’t never been told no twice. But fuck he was delicious. The line of his neck was visible since his head was thrown back. His eyes were closed and his mouth was slack. 

You swirled your tongue around his slit while your hands worked him up and down. He twitched at the added sensation. There was enough of your spit to slide between your fingers and coat him while he drove into your mouth. 

“Naw, I wanna cum in my pussy,” he said. He stood up abruptly and picked you up under your arms. You squealed. He knows you hated being picked up like that. You were a chunky girl your whole life. You wanted to quit it, but it didn’t want to quit you. You loved your body. You’d much rather have your gorgeous ass than be stick thin. Every blue moon, your insecurities flared up. You didn’t want him to strain something trying to lift you.

He’d only tell you to mind yo’ damn business. While he proceeded to pick you up any time he wanted. Especially in the bedroom. He made it his personal mission to toss you around as much as he could. 

He dropped you onto his recliner. Your hands and knees dug unto the leather. It faintly smelled like him. Clean, earthy. Tyrone bunched up your dress in one hand. He leaned down and grabbed your ass cheeks. He wiggled them a bit and then gave it a light smack. Your pussy clenched and you moaned a little bit. 

“You know Daddy worries about you, right?” He asked. He ripped your panties and slid inside of you in one powerful thrust and your head dropped to the chair. Your mouth dropped open in a silent scream. He stretched you out. You were ready for him but fuck, that sweet middle between pleasure and pain had you in a vise grip. 

You nodded to answer his questions. “I’m sorry Daddy,” you said. 

He smacked your ass, hard. You flinched and cried out. “I don’t believe you,” he said. He smacked your ass again and you nearly jumped off of the couch. 

You started to beg him to forgive you. It truly had been a mistake. “You did this shit on purpose, didn’t you?” He didn’t let you answer. He smacked your ass again and kept smacking you. Your ass was on fire. The wind from his hand was starting to hurt you more than the slap did. 

You relaxed and sagged against him. Once you were relaxed, he started to move again. He slammed into you hard and the momentum drove you into the chair. You felt every inch of him. The veins on his dick tickled the walls of your pussy.

“Fuck, you’re so deep,” you said. It was like the tip of his cock pressed up against your soul. He touched that deep, aching core of you. He hit it just right and continued to hit it. Your ass slapped against his thighs. 

You didn’t know if your moans were louder or if his were. His thumbs dug into the top of your ass and you keened. 

“Yeah, that’s it. Show me how sorry you are,” he said. “Let me hear it, mama.” 

You gave him every sound you were capable of producing. Every moan and sigh. When he hit it how you liked, you made all kinds of incoherent sounds. Your body would jerk and twitch. He liked when you could barely shriek because he felt so good. 

Your hand reached down to rub your clit. You were so close. You just needed something else. Tyrone’s hand came out of nowhere to slap your ass. “Shit!” You yelled. 

Tyrone sucked his teeth and hit you again. “Move yo fuckin’ hand. Don’t touch my shit,” he said. He grabbed your wayward hand and brought it up behind your back. He bunched up your dress again and held it and your hand against your back.

He pushed into you more until your ass was the only thing in the air. He somehow slid deeper and you cried out. Your orgasm whipped through you, dragging you under and higher and inside out. Your eyes were clenched shut as you rode wave after wave.

Tyrone continued to chase his own orgasm. Your walls squeezed him and he twitched. He unloaded inside of you. He filled you up still. His hot cum pulsing inside of you. You felt a bit of him leak out and you groaned at the sensation. He stroked another few times before finally stopping and panting. 

Your erratic breaths matched his and you both tried to come down. Tyrone pulled out and you both groaned at the sensation. He spread your ass cheeks so that he could watch himself leak out of you. 

Your ass was still cresting the edge of pain. His fingers dug into it, making the pain flare in random bursts. You were so fucked out. You would have agreed to a twenty-four seven bodyguard if it meant that you never had to leave this headspace.

“You got the prettiest fuckin’ pussy,” he growled. He brought his hand up to rub along your clit and pussy. He pushed a finger inside of you and you moaned. 

“Turn over,” he said.

He helped you get off of the recliner and then position yourself on your back. He gripped your thighs and pulled you to the edge. He bent down and entered you once more. “Can’t get enough of this shit, huh? You need more don’t you?”

“Yes, Daddy, fuck,” you moaned. You peeked over your boobs to watch some of him slip inside you. When he pulled out, he was coated into your juices. Glistening in the low light with it. Then he’d slide back into you and you threw your head back. 

He had your hands pinned to the armrests and your knees crooked on either side of his arms. You couldn’t touch him. And more importantly, you couldn’t touch yourself. 

“You owe me a few more,” he said. He pounded inside of you. You jerked from his powerful thrusts. Sweat gathered on his forehead. He leaned down and gave you a bruising kiss. His lips were warm and inviting. He pulled away before you could really enjoy it.

“Good girls get kisses. Yo ass been bad as fuck tonight,” he said.

That only made you wetter. He noticed and moaned. He leaned forward putting all of his weight on you. You were almost folded in half. You choked on the lack of adequate air but he was pounding into you and you just had to take it.

You had to take his thick cock however he wanted to give it to you. “Daddy, please,” you begged. You sniffled as your arousal built higher and higher. You tensed for half a second. That second seemed to stretch as you balanced on the precipice. Like a drop of water on the faucet after you turn off the water. You knew it was going to fall, it was only a matter of when.

You came with a loud scream, moaning in his ear. “Tyrone!” You yelled. He bit your neck, your shoulder, and licked away the sting. He kissed the sensitive spot below your ear. 

He came right after you. It was like you were in sync. Hot jets of cum filled you up once more. You were truly a soaked mess right now. His cum slipped out of your pussy and dribbled onto your ass cheeks. The sensation was slow and tickled a bit. 

He rubbed your sides and your thighs as you both calmed down. He nuzzled your neck. He kissed your cheek. 

“I ain’t even half done with you yet,” he said. 

You shook your head back and forth. “I can’t, Daddy,” you whined. You didn’t have the strength for another one. He lightly tapped the side of your face until you opened your eyes and looked at him. 

“Naw, you can give me some more,” he said. He leaned down and bit your ear. You shuddered and clenched around him. “Be a good girl for me and take this dick.”

You nodded. Well, when he put it that way…

He pulled out of you. Then he went back in slowly. It was going to be a long night.

&&&

A/N: If you enjoyed this, there's more here: The Secret Tyrone Files

#megaminds secret files #The Secret Tyrone Files #They Cloned Tyrone smut #They Cloned Tyrone fanfic #They Cloned Tyrone fan fic #They cloned Tyrone fanfiction #Tyrone x Black!reader #Tyone x Black reader #Tyrone x Fem!reader #Tyrone x Fem reader #Tyrone x plus size reader #Tyrone smut

[truglori]

Homebody (Ch.1)

Summary: Amiyah is the younger sister of local drug dealer (Durkio). Shy and reserved she keeps to herself and stays out the way. But lately she began to find interest in his right hand man/ best friend (Erik Stevens). Wanting to get him to notice her she discovers that he already had her wrapped around his finger without even trying! There was only a few problems that kept her away from her fantasies , her brother that controlled almost every single breath she took and would kill anyone who looked at her that way and lastly Eriks girlfriend, Alexis , who they called the queen of the hood according to her lavish lifestyle as well as being with the next newest top boy in the making. While Alexis was his girl to the streets all Amiyah wanted to do was be his Homebody...

Durkio Faceclaim

Alexis Faceclaim

Amiyah Faceclaim

Pairing: Erik Stevens x Thick Black OC

Warning: language

Kicking off the covers from her legs for the fifth time that night Amiyah flipped over on the left side of the bed relieving herself from pressure that she felt on her right shoulder.

Picking up her phone she saw the time of 12:46 am. It wasn’t the discomfort she felt in her sleep or the extremely warm temperature of her room that woke her up. It was the blaring from her Durkio’s speaker that was gifted to him from himself as an early birthday present. She was cool with it the first couple of times, seeing as she used it as well to play music whenever she wanted to clean her room but this was starting to become annoying.

In the next five hours she had to be up early to open the clothing store she worked at. Durkio likes his music to be played loudly but for some reason tonight it was blasting.

Getting out of bed and slipping on her black UGG Tasman slippers Amiyah went to open the door and was met with the aroma of weed.

“Damn I guess the music isn’t the only thing that’s loud.” She tiredly giggled at her own humor.

Took Her to the O by King Von was the choice of song that woke her from her beauty rest. Shaking her head as she folded her arms she walked down the hall of their shared three bedroom apartment to see the dimmed living room foggy.

Swatting away the smoke she walked closer to the couch preparing to get onto her brother.

“Yo Durk, you know I have to get up for work in a few hours. Can you turn the speakers down or off please?”

Amiyah coughed through almost every word. She didn’t smoke so whenever she inhaled the air would hit her baby lungs causing her to react.

The music level turned down. Finally what seemed like forever the smoke was clearing the living room so she could see the face of her brother...or who she thought was her brother. It was Erik.

Leaning forward he put out his blunt on the ashtray, then he dusted off any remains of falling ashes from his dark grey Nike sweatsuit he rested his elbows on his knees.

Looking up at her with hooded eyes he licked his lips and the famous “sober up wipe” to the face followed after.

“Damn that’s my bad Miyah. I was in here just letting my phone play. I woke you up?” He asked with a small smile.

“Yeah a lil bit but it’s okay.” She spoke in a soft voice that was different compared to the tone she poke in before she found out it wasn’t her brother but her brother’s best friend and also..her crush.

Awkwardly standing there with her arms going back into their folding position making herself feel secured once she cover her tummy she decided to walk to the black leather recliner on the left side of him sitting down. She found herself being really close to him unlike any other times. Inhaling the air she could smell his cologne mix with the weed.

“Um, where’s Durkio?”

“He went out to the car to grab something real quick. He’ll be back.”

Erik got up putting everything that was laid out on the coffee table up. From the bags of weed by the pound to three glock 17s that was sprawled out everywhere. He knew this wasn’t new to her or anything but he wanted to be respectful to his partna’s lil sister. Even though he was the only child he knew that if he did had a baby sister he would want his boys to show the same respect.

Amiyah watched his every move. From the way he gave his sweats a tug around the inner thigh area giving him some room to breathe down there to then observing him pulling up the sweats before he sat down.

There she was doing it again, acting like a little stalker over this man. But she couldn’t help it. She found herself crushing on the best friend of her brother really hard. She was introduced to Erik at the age of seventeen. Just getting out of high school while her brother was already making a name for himself in the streets at twenty-three.

Durkio was coming up from being know for having the best exotics in the hood, some untouchable shit. He started to get more exposure and also more enemies. So along came his homeboy Erik, standing 6’3 and about 225 lbs solid. By the age of twenty-one he was already known to be a problem. Hot headed and a crazy mouth to match but also in a strange way quiet. It was like he knew when to turn it off and on. She notice that whenever she was around the duo he would be barely audible and sometimes completely quiet when she would walk into a room. Taking only glances at her and continued to keep it pushing.

Maybe that’s what she liked about him. Not only did they share the same characteristics when it came to not saying a lot while around others but he also didn’t try to put up a front in front of Durkio. His other homeboys did too much by just talking excessively to her about nothing while trying not to say the wrong thing too her to stay on the good side of her brother.

Amiyah wasn’t the only one doing some studying. Erik didn’t take his eyes off of her from the moment she stepped into the living room. He watched the twenty-one year old face turn from hard to soft as soon as she seen it was him in the place of where her brother usually sits.

Even through his hooded eyes he caught her covering her stomach and setting herself up in a defensive position, something he notice she always did when he was around. To Erik it seemed as if she was doing it because she wasn’t comfortable around him so he stopped his eyes from wandering over her body and other times not acknowledging her other than a head nod.

He already knew how his mans Durkio felt about his little sister. He was going to kill whoever did her wrong, let alone even looked at her like they had a problem. In Eriks eyes Amiyah was considered hood royalty. It wasn’t all talk either. A few months ago there was a young recruit that tried to get Amiyah’s number, who clearly wasn’t interested turned him down in the most modest way. Youngin tried to show out in front of his friends and slipped up and called her a fat bitch.

Once word got to Durkio he had the whole hood searching for the kid and when he found him, not only did he have the dude friends jump him my nigga literally fed him a bag of dog shit and made him eat it. Swallowing every drop.

“Yeah nigga you like to talk shit so you gon eat this muthafucka! You lucky I don’t get one of ya own mans to pop yo ass folk!”

Erik shook his head inwardly laughing about how the whole situation unfolded in front of him. Durkio was one crazy ass nigga! That’s why they was best friends though. Their personalities just matched.

Even though Erik to himself wasn’t official in the game a lot of people seem to think so. But that wasn’t the case, to him he felt he was just heavily associated with the ones surrounding it. Guess you can say his name got caught in the wrong mouth and they titled him without knowing the facts. He didn’t care though, he figured people was going to think what they wanted about him anyways so why try so hard to prove them wrong.

“Erik.” Amiyah looked over to seem him leaning back into the couch with his hands in his hoodie pocket. He was smiling to himself about something. She wondered what.

“Wassup.” He answered nonchalantly giving her his undivided attention

“Do you know how long he’s been gone?”

“Oh I’m not sure, I think five minutes or so. You want me to leave or something?” Erik asked on edge ruffling up his dreads a bit not wanting her to feel guarded in her own home.

Truth was Amiyah didn’t care so much about her brother’s whereabouts. She wanted to use these few minutes alone with him to feed her fantasies. Imagining just them two in his home not worrying about Durk busting in on them.

“No of course not. You’re good. I-I was just being nosy.” She tried her best laughing the nerves away while mentally face palming herself for stuttering.

Erik smirk. He could see the quiver in her bottom lip when she spoke. She was trying to hide it but it wasn’t working.

“Nah I feel you. You work tomorrow?” Deciding to spark up some conversation to help her relax with him.

“Yeah I open the store. So I have to be out of here by six in the morning.” Pushing her back against the recliner lifting one leg under the other she made herself cozy.

“Bella Ella Boutique right.”

Her eyes flickering at the fact he knew where she worked.

‘So he must pay attention to me.’

Is what she thought. If it wasn’t for her golden brown skin complexion she would be sure that Erik would know that she is blushing.

Along with a head nod she gave a small smile answering quietly. “Yeah that’s right.” She shifted her eyes not wanting to keep to much eye contact.

“You like working there? How long has it been by the way?” Resting his elbows on his knees once again, facing her, he gave her all his attention.

Placing her hands between her thick thighs to help calm her nerves she put her eye back on him.

“It’s okay...it’s just I wish they would hurry up and hire some new people already. Like I’ve been working so many hours and-“

She stopped mid sentence once she heard him chuckle.

Lightly giggling herself she shook her head. “What’s so funny?”

“You.” Erik swiping his bottom lip with his tongue before giving her a small smile.

This was the most he heard her talk this much in a while. Usually she would only say hi and bye and then every now and then ask about her brother but tonight she was keeping conversation like they were friends.

“Why am I funny? What I say?” Curious to know the reason.

“It’s nothing bad mama I just never heard you talk this much before. You be acting mad quiet around me.” Leaning back putting one arm at the top of the couch and resting the other on top of his crotch area.

Amiyah took in his form.

Did he just call me mama?

She couldn’t help catching his nickname.

Hit Different by Sza started playing softly in the background.

“Okay but you can talk to me too. I’m not the only one with a voice Erik.”

“You right and I’m a change that for you. When I come around I’ll start addressing you more. Is that good?” Staring into her soft brown eyes searching for an answer.

Playfully rolling her eyes trying her best to subdue her smile.

“Whatever-“

The front door open revealing her brother. Holding a bag of Burger King eating some fries.

“Aye my bad nigga I had to get sumn to smack on- Miyah fuck is you doing outta bed?” Durkio stop rummaging through the food once he saw her.

Erik scooting down further away from her towards the middle of the couch not trying to give his crazy ass any ideas.

“Uh Durk last time I checked I’m grown.”

He looked at her like she had four eyes.

“Girl you better quit acting like I ain’t raise damn near by myself. You bet get yo ass back in that bed fo’ yo ass miss work then you gon want me to pay you for the hours you miss.” He sat the bag of food down next to the ashtray that held about four roach blunts.

“Nigga she only out here cause I was blasting the music. I woke her up.” Erik winking at her defending her.

Her thighs clenched up at the small action.

I know he did not just make me wet by winking at me?

Of course this was only due to her inexperience. She never got pass kissing a guy and even that she felt needed some work.

Knocking her out of her thoughts her loud brother spoke again.

“Erik I don’t need you sticking up or lying for her and nigga where the fuck my weed at?”

He got up checking the cabinets pulling out a half ounce before looking back to see that his baby sister in the same spot.

“Miyah why you still here?” He asked breaking up the bud.

To people on the outside it may seem like Durkio was a mean brother but he really didn’t mean her any harm. That was just always how he was. He had a rough demeanor, so when he spoke it could come off offensive if you didn’t know him but both Amiyah and Erik knew that was just his mannerism. But all in all he loves his baby sister.

She smacked her lips. “I can’t hang out with y’all?”

“No. Hell is wrong with ‘dis girl?” He asked his friend chuckling.

Erik silently laughing at the bickering siblings. He unwrapped the whopper that he got from the bag before taking a bite while closing his eyes and savoring the grilled burger. Fast food always hit different when he was high.

Shaking her head she decided against arguing back and forth with her brother. She had to get up in a few anyways so it was time for her to head back to bed.

“Whatever I’m going back to bed. Night. Night Erik.” Getting up from the couch making her way out the living room area she turned to look at the duo one last time.

She caught Erik looking her up and down before giving her a head nod acknowledging her and mouthing a good night.

Disappearing in the hall and back into the room she sat on her bed replaying the conversation over and over which brought back the memory of his scent. Somehow she could still smell him as if he was right in front of her.

Smiling to herself she got up checking the time on her Apple Watch on her nightstand that read 1:34 am.

She had a few hours to get some sleep. Taking a last glance at herself in the mirror she realized she still had on her light blue silk bonnet the whole time in front of Erik.

Nooo.

Laughing at the embarrassing thought she shrugged it off before sleep took over her body again.

___________________________________________________

Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part Eleven Part Twelve Part Thirteen

Hey guys this is my first story on here. Haven’t wrote in a while and so I just wanted to try it out again just to see if I still have it in me lol. I have a few ideas for this story but I’m not sure...anyways let me know what you guys think. Constructive criticism is allowed here.

P.s If I tagged you I probably read your work or I just want to see if you would be interested in this story. If you don’t like it I can take you off so sorry if you might not be interested.

Please excuse any mistakes if there are any. Thanks!!

@supersizemeplz @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @hearteyes-for-killmonger @artisticestheticreads @uzumaki-rebellion @blowmymbackout @chaneajoyyy @thehomierobbstark @thiccdaddy-mbaku @curls-and-crosses @madamslayyy @goddessofthundathighs @eriksjournal @erikslulbaby @wakandamama @wawakanda-btch @wakandas-vibranium @wakandaforeverwrites @ghostfacekill-monger @killmonger-dolan @killmongerkink

#erik killmonger #erik stevens #Erik smut #black panther #Erik x plus size reader #Erik x thick OC #homebody #killmonger fanfiction #killmonger x reader #truglori

[hearteyes-for-killmonger]

In My Mind x 01

*Reuploading because I've edited these to flow a little bit better. Thank you for your patience!

In war, there are no winners.

Only losers.

---

Images of dirt mixed with dark blood and mangled bodies flooded your mind.

The deafening sound of explosions and fear.

The chemical stench of human decay and gunfire.

The sweltering heat of the beating sun pounding on your skin, sticky from the sweat leaking from your pores.

All this death round you.

Three bodies..

Ten..

Twenty-five.. dead.

You knew not one of these muthafuckas and they didn’t know you, but you’d killed them all because you were told to. Why’d they have to die?

They were probably just like you, following orders. The world was fucked up. You felt.. numb. Then, pain.

Stabbing pain in your stomach over and over and over.

You bolt upright in your bed and when your eyes adjust to the darkness, your breath returns heavily. You touch your stomach and exhale. No pain. You’re still sweating bullets, but you’re safe in your bed.

What was that about? The dream is still vivid and fresh in your mind.

You look at the dark screen of your laptop. You’d been watching Brotherly Love with Keke Palmer, not some war picture...

The time on your phone reads 4:15 a.m. You are parched, so you get up to get some water. You want a couple more hours of sleep before you get up for work, and right now it feels like you've barely slept. That nightmare was straight stress. You settle back into bed and close your eyes.

After a few minutes laying on your side, you’re finally able to drift off again.

“Shoot him! You’re an object Stevens, a weapon! Useless outside of what WE tell you to do.”

There was a figure but the face was covered with a sack. Impossible to figure out who it was or if you knew them.

“Shoot him! Prove yourself! You’re with US or you’re one of THEM. Which is it, boy?”

The trigger slips and the body thuds to the floor, blood pooling. The sick, gnarled smile of a man you want to murder.

A jarring melody rings out and it doesn’t fit. You concentrate on the familiar tune and your eyes pop open. Light streams through your window and you come back to yourself. What the fuck is with these dreams?!

Mentally exhausted, you raise up and drag yourself out of bed. You’re angry. That damn dream pissed you off and it wasn’t even real.

—

“Niaaa! Ugh.. You look like shit,” Talia frowns and you cast her an evil eye that shuts her up. For all you know she has bags too, hers are just covered by concealer.

“Nightmares, Lia. I got zero sleep last night and I’m in a bad mood. Do not mess with me right now.” She smiles in sympathy before her attention is snatched to the door.

“Well, you might wanna turn that frown upside down. That’s your client.”

Instantly your face contorts into one that’s customer service worthy and you turn to see a black lady who looks to be in her mid-30s. Her hair looks thick, but you never really know until you put your hands in it.

“Hello, welcome. Have a seat in my chair and I’ll be with you in a minute. Just gotta get the hair ready. You said you already washed your hair right?”

“Yes, I washed it last night. No grease or anything like you said.”

You grabbed your sterilized comb, your moisturizer, and started sectioning hair from the Kanekalon pack. Three hours later you’re a little more than halfway through her head.

“You’re much faster than my last braider. I was there all day,” she says and you huff a quick laugh in acknowledgment. Of course it was fast, you didn’t take a break the whole time. She looked the type to get upset if you stopped for too long.

“I’m going to cookout, what y'all want,” Lia calls and Glenda who’s doing fingerwaves on a girl with blue hair yells her order. Lia had just finished a sew-in on her client and you still had half a head to go.

“Get me a peach milkshake with a cajun chicken sandwich, corndog, and fries,” you call back.

“You sound like a bottomless pit,” Lia quips and she’s gone. Fifteen minutes later, you have your food but you decide to wait to eat it. Your client doesn’t tell you to do otherwise. You just take sips of the thick-ass milkshake. Two hours later, you send the client away with a full head of Senegalese twists. You have another client in half an hour so you sit down and eat.

“You ain’t acting like yourself today. Are you okay,” Lia’s eyes analyze everything from your expression to your body language and you know you’re acting funny as well. You still see the images from your dream and they’re disturbing. The peach milkshake is helping you to stay grounded.

“Yeah, I’m good, just a little out of it. That dream still got me buggin.”

“What dream? Tell us about it. Maybe you’ll feel better.”

You hesitate given the nature of the dream, but decide to spare the gorey details.

“Okay.. So, I wasn’t myself in this dream. I don’t know who I was, it’s weird. I was on a battlefield at first in what looked like a war. I could see all these terrible things and smell it, that’s how vivid the dream was. I wanted to rip my nose from my face because I could taste the blood and the vomit and the- ugh," you wretch. "By the context it was like I’d killed all these people and they were just laying there stretched out in the dirt. Then I was getting stabbed in my stomach but it was like.. I was allowing it or doing it to myself. I woke up sweating.. and then when I went back to sleep, I was the same person, shooting some unknown person with a cloth bag on their head like in the movies only it felt real. I woke up soo angry. Then I just couldn’t shake it, I guess. I'm still angry..”

Glenda and her client exchange confused looks while Lia comes in for a hug.

“Someone pray,” she says.

A client waiting for Glenda stands and approaches. She has a bracelet with a church logo and she looks like she’s a spiritual person, something in her eyes and something warm in her face like you know her, though you don't. She says an eloquent and passionate prayer for your mind, your spirit, your emotions like she knows you, but there's no way. You feel tears well behind your eyes as this stranger intercedes on your behalf like a true prayer warrior, touching on all of your concerns.

“It’s warfare,” she says to you directly. “You have a mighty purpose and perhaps this is trying to tell you something about someone you’re meant to help. Keep your eyes open.”

You nod and thank her as your next appointment approaches. Feed-in braids into a ponytail. You had to wash and deep condition her. You sigh thinking about what the woman said. Could that be true?

Was there a reason you were seeing all of this?

—

In your car on the way home, your thoughts go back to the morning. You were a man. A man in the military and then in some odd private initiation. You killed, but you didn’t enjoy it. It felt like you HAD to because it was leading up to something, but what?

A horn beeping behind you startles you and you look up, green light. You hit the gas and make it home without another incident.

There were household chores to do, like folding the laundry you’d washed yesterday. It was sitting on the floor in a basket. You wanted to go online and check your social media. It was only 7:25 p.m., but a strong feeling was pulling you back to your bed. You followed it and crawled under your covers and within minutes, you were under.

"Got you, E!” “E, hurry up!”

Two little boys were out late playing with a basketball and you were running with them on the court. You were small and the apartments in front of you felt familiar, like home. Suddenly there was what looked like a UFO overhead and you froze on the court watching it fly away from your building. A feeling of dread set in and you ditched the game, running as fast as you could into the building, up to your home.

“Baba?” You called inside, looking around.

There was no one.. but then you looked down and your entire world was lifeless on the floor surrounded by his own blood. He had distinct claw marks dug into his chest through his clothes and he’d been discarded as though he weren’t royalty.

Royalty? ..I’m royalty.

That fact takes a backseat to the pain and you sink to the floor, clutching the lifeless body in your arms, rocking and willing it to come back to life. Willing to trade anything you have for a miracle. You didn’t have anyone else. No one.

The room changes and the blood is gone.

You’re pouring over a journal filled with strange symbols but somehow you’re interpreting them. It’s giving you a purpose that feels strong, urgent, IMPORTANT.

You have to do something, but What?

Who are you? How are you in my head? ..I’ll kill you. ..I’ll find you and then I’ll murder you.

Kill me, wait can you hear me?

Who the fuck are you?

I’m not sure why I’m here or why I can see what you see, but... I think I’m supposed to help you.

That doesn’t tell me who you are.

My name is Nia and I’m.. a hairdresser. I honestly don’t know how I keep getting here.

You’re in my dream.. or my nightmare. You’re probably part of my imagination.

And you’re part of mine, but I keep dreaming about you like this. How do we fix it?

If what you say is true, maybe you need to help me first. So, help me.

How?

Figure it out.

You open your eyes and you feel drunk. Heavy. Rolling your body out of bed, your heart is still heavy. You’re grieving the loss of a father that was never really yours to begin with. Your dad is in Atlanta. But when you were.. Erik, you think his name was, it had felt too real. His pain was your pain. His rage was your rage.

You freeze with your hand on the glass of water you just poured. You were able to speak to him this time. It was like he really existed and you were invading his mind, his nightmare. It was crazy. You were crazy.

You splash the cold water in your face instead of drinking it, shocking yourself. COLD! COLD! COLD!

I’m still here, Nia.

HO- Shit.. Erik? How are you in my head, I’m awake. At least I think I’m awake. This is weird. I think I’m losing it.

No, I wanna try something. Give me your address. I’m gonna remember it and come there. If this is real, we’ll find out.

If this is real, don’t kill me. Don’t forget, I know you.

If you check out as who and what you say you are, I won’t hav-

Your eyes open again and your apartment is pitch black.

You still have your clothes on and your hair isn’t tied. You sit up and try focusing.

“Erik? Are you here? ..Erik?”

There’s no response. You turn the lights on and take a shower. You needed it after all the emotional shit you just went through. You start to question again if you’re really losing your mind, maybe developing a split personality. Checking your phone, you have no missed calls or texts. You check your social media and get lost in that for the next half hour.

Dinner. You never ate dinner. You pull some leftovers from the fridge and heat it. Spaghetti and meatsauce and greenbeans on the side. After a few cups of water and last glance at your laundry, you glance back to your bed. What are the odds of you going to sleep and finding him again? You decide to find out. Climbing back into bed, you shut your eyes and wait for sleep to take you.

“Erik?”

You see darkness, that’s it. It’s silent and you call out again, but there’s no answer. Suddenly you’re in a throne room and you’re looking out from the throne as you’re burdened with the responsibility of what you must do. Your head hurts and your soul is heavy, but you know there’s no other path for you.

“Erik,” you call again and finally you feel yourself become aware of another presence as though you’re sharing the same body.

Wassup. Drop the addy.

It’s 3810 Circle Mill Terrace, Macon, Georgia. Apartment 503.

I’m going to wake up now.

You jolt awake and miraculously, it’s daytime. Time to work again, bright and early.

You stroll into the salon and Lia is already there eating an apple and drinking a juicebox, no doubt her son’s. Your client would arrive momentarily, assuming they were on time.

“What you got today,” Lia asks with a bite of the apple.

“I got.. two feed-ins, a crochet, a flat-twisted bun with added hair, and then three large French braids.”

She nods, “And how are you feeling today?”

You exhale and your client comes through the door, she’s about your age and her hair is fairly long. You can see already how you want to frame her face. You give her the smile and the greeting and lead her to the bowl to wash her hair.

“I’m okay. I guess that lady from yesterday was kinda right, maybe there’s a reason or purpose behind my dreams.”

“You’re still having them?” She sounds worried.

“Yeah.. they’re still in full effect, but I think I’m starting to figure some things out.”

“Okay, well, you just be open with us and let us know if you get any dangerous or scary thoughts, like to harm yourself or anyone else.”

You exhale a quick laugh, “It’s not even that type of party.”

“Yeah, okay,” she says and then she lets it go.

When Glenda comes in, you give her an edited version of what you gave Lia and it seems to be enough. The rest of your appointments go by fairly easily and when you leave work you stop to fill your tank before going home again.

This time, you decide to clean up and you DO. You fix your place up and put away your laundry. You even cook again. Baked chicken, kool-aid, and salad, nothing too taxing.

Throughout it all your eyes keep wandering toward the door, wondering.

What if.

—

It had been a week since you dreamed of Erik and his horrible nightmares based on a nightmarish life. You were glad the images had finally stopped, but if you were honest.. it wasn’t bad meeting him every night. You kind of missed him.

Not the scenes, just him.

Part of you, the realistic part, knew you were buggin and that you needed to come back to reality. Forget it all.

Another part, still watched the door. Wondering if you were just imagining everything.

You slide out of bed from your dreamless slumber and head to work. Another day, another string of clients, the first order being short kinky twists.

The short brown girl who walks in has a head full of wild hair and you groan internally. It takes you close to five hours to finish all of the little twists on that dense head of coarse hair. It’s well into the afternoon now and you sit down to eat your lunch brought back by Lia.

“What you got next,” she asks starting on a vixen sew-in. Her customer bought the good shit, that Malaysian.

“Uh, loc maintenance.”

“You retwisting?”

“Yeah gotta clean up the parts.”

She nods and continues chatting up her client. As you finish your lunch, the door opens and it’s a male. Quite possibly the finest black man you’ve seen in your life. Y'all don’t get too many male clients especially not the ones who look like him. His eyes go straight to you and you hold your breath as he approaches, but the awkward silence reminds you that you’re the one who's supposed to fill it. Out of the corner of your eye you see Lia laughing at you and you try to ignore her.

“Welcome, have a seat in my chair and I’ll be right with you. I just need to grab some things to get started."

He smiles and waits patiently and when you return, you put your hands through his cropped locs inspecting them. Something about him and them seems familiar, but you push it out of your mind to deal with the task at hand. He needs a wash. You beckon him to the bowl and start washing his hair.

He relaxes beneath your fingers, eyes closed as you work through his scalp and he asks how you’re doing. You give him the typical response.

You’re fine. Blessed and highly favored.

He smiles again and his teeth are so white and straight. The gold slugs on his canines only accentuate that fact.

"Good to hear,” he says. “What about the dreams, you still having those?”

Dreams.. You freeze in place but release his head staring down at him and he opens his eyes, looking into yours.

“You aren’t crazy,” he says. The air seems to die because for a moment you stall out.

“......Very funny you guys,” you call to your co-workers. Glenda ignores you completely and Lia looks confused.

You turn your attention back to the man at your bowl and he looks amused.

“What did you say your name was?”

“I didn’t,” his brow raises. You gulp. You’d told your co-workers the story, but no one knew the name of the man in your dream.

“Tell me..,” you whisper and he raises the bottom of his shirt revealing intricate patterns of keloids. You can feel them physically in your own stomach and it all comes rushing back to you as you gape down at him in awe.

“Oh, I’m definitely keeping you,” he grins.

Other Chapters:

#erik killmonger #original #killmonger #erik stevens #erik killmonger fanfiction #erik killmonger imagines #erik stevens au #erik killmonger imagine #erik killmonger x reader #erik x reader #erik stevens x reader #erik stevens x you #killmonger imagine #killmonger fanfiction

[clubbingattheclub]

IN HONOR OF FEB. 2019 BEING THE 3 YR ANNIVERSARY OF ME READING TFC SERIES IN ONE HARROWING WEEK (IN WHICH I CRIED INTO MY WORK DESK MULTIPLE TIMES), PLEASE ENJOY THIS:

an All For The Game playlist 

[60 songs (3hr 37min) – last updated: Feb. 2016] hosted on Spotify (click here x)

song list/brief guide on why they are assembled as such:

the team: The Art of Losing – American Hi-Fi /// Sometimes Your Friends Are Not Your Friends – De Lux /// Clique – Kanye West, Jay-Z, Big Sean /// Demons – Sleigh Bells /// Ratchet – Bloc Party /// All Or Nothing – Elliphant, Diplo, Bunji Garlin /// Muthafucka Up – Tyga, Nicki Minaj /// Phantom Pt II (Boys Noize Remix) – Justice /// Give ‘Em Hell, Kid – My Chemical Romance

neil josten: Jesus Christ – Brand New /// Helicopter – Bloc Party /// Go – blink-182 /// Goodbye – Who Is Fancy /// Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows) – Fall Out Boy /// Poetic Tragedy – The Used /// 88 – Sum 41 /// The End. – My Chemical Romance

andrew minyard: Dead! – My Chemical Romance /// Ulysses – Franz Ferdinand /// Line & Sinker – Billy Talent /// Sorry, Dudes. My Bad. – Say Anything /// Nails For Breakfast, Tacks For Snacks – Panic! At The Disco /// Vanished – Crystal Castles /// I’m A Fake – The Used /// Give Me Novacaine – Green Day

renee walker & dan wilds & allison reynolds: //r// She’s A Rebel – Green Day //d// Swords – M.I.A. //a// Ego – Bibi Bourelly //r// Y Control – Yeah Yeah Yeahs //d// Ridin Round – Kali Uchis //a// Creator (vs. Switch and FreQ Nasty) – Santigold //r// Comeback Kid – Sleigh Bells //a// Alice Practice – Crystal Castles //d(&m)// Future Starts Slow – The Kills

matt boyd: Troubles – Imad Royal /// The Struggle (RAC Mix) – Grizfolk

kevin day: Brianstorm – Arctic Monkeys /// Whoa Whoa Whoa – Watsky /// Vlad the Impaler – Kasabian /// Solo Dolo (Nightmare) – Kid Cudi /// Sink – Brand New /// Sweetness – Jimmy Eat World /// Existentialism On Prom Night – Straylight Run

riko vs neil interlude: Who Let You Go? – The Killers //// Gives You Hell – The All-American Rejects

nicky hemmick: Drum Machine – Big Grams, Skrillex /// Wild for the Night (feat. Skrillex & Birdy Nam Nam) – A$AP Rocky /// Tiro al blanco – Kumbia Queers /// Twilight Omens – Franz Ferdinand /// Keep You On My Side – CHVRCHES

aaron minyard: Crossfire – Stephen /// Juicebox – The Strokes /// Mama – My Chemical Romance /// Loud(y) – Lewis Del Mar

the andrew/neil finale: The Truth Is, You Should Lie With Me – Say Anything /// Free Animal – Foreign Air /// BITE – Troye Sivan /// Zephyrus – Bloc Party /// Drop the Game – Flume, Chet Faker /// River – Bishop Briggs /// Worship – Years & Years

liner notes:

Half inspired by songs of the moment (which at the time was early 2016) and half motivated by the emo-punk-pop music of the early-to-mid 2000’s that teenage!me grew and thrived on, this playlist is as much of an ode to The Foxes as it is an interpretation of what I think each character/group of characters were probably (or should’ve been) listening to at the time (because I believe the general consensus is that AFTG takes place in 2005-2006, right? Well if it doesn’t, it does inside my heart and brain so that’s that on that).

I took about 3 years to share my playlist on tumblr probably because it felt like a huge undertaking to explain that the order of these songs are intended to be played in their sorted order. Which makes me sound crazy, of which I probably am. For example, the transition I made from Neil to Andrew is exemplified by the two chosen MCR songs, which shift the moods just as quickly and beautifully as they do on The Black Parade album. blah blah blah I'm a fuckin' NERD. But honestly—feel free to listen to it in order, or to just shuffle the motherfucker. Whatever you want, dudes.

In all, this playlist is selfishly catered to my own brain and musical preferences, and I’ve been hoarding it for almost 3 years now and listen to it quite frequently with no real intentions to share it. BUT then I noticed that 9 random strangers had found and followed it on Spotify, so I guess there’s a chance other people would enjoy it too. So here I am.

#all for the game #all for the game playlist #aftg #aftg playlist #the foxhole court #tfc #the foxhole court playlist #tfc playlist #i'm not doing character tags bc i'm fucking lazy #music #mine #making playlists is like my 2nd most important and longest lasting hobby so like if you enjoy this i'll just die happy that's all

[tube-thoughts-blog]

tube thoughts vol. 8

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

Kroll Show: Gigolo H-O-R-S-E *"Horse not whores."* 2 1/2 stars

Cinematic Titanic: "The Wasp Woman" a Roger Corman flick *"Anaphylactic schlock."* close to 3 stars with riffing 2 stars without

Max Headroom: Grossberg's Return *MTV Rocks the Vote for Hillary Clinton by getting its viewers to tune out and tune in to The Jersey Shore / Real World.* 2 1/2 stars

Blind Date (Deluxe Edition) *Raunchy reality show uncensored material and bloopers from the early 2000s. It's strange to see just how much the fashions have changed. That California douchebag & slut 'look' is a real time capsule (1998? - 2004?) of guilty pleasure to gawk at.* 2 1/2 stars

Swamp Thing: The Watcher *Redneck androids and a test tube Alice in Wonderland un-birthday.* 3 stars

Branson Famous: The Brangelina of Branson *In a town that's stuck in a rhinestone americana timewarp, a family of big haired and big belt buckle entertainers step all over each other in pointy boots in order to be the shining star in a fading industry of entertaining a dwindling crowd of retiree tourists.* 2 stars

==== My Big Redneck Family: Redneck Wedding

*Tater salad turned bad, but the "Shamepain" still tastes good, I guess.

Tom Arnold is giddy to host a reality show that's structured and shot like a sitcom similar to Modern Family.

The presentation isn't half bad, but it's the same lowest common denominator behavior for the camera and those tired, cliche confessionals that all reality shows are required to have.

At least Branson Famous is original in its confessionals which are tacky singing confessionals that turn into sing offs.

Also, I want to know how theme weddings like 'Redneck Weddings' are still considered to be traditional.

Sorry, queers, ya'll are weird, but cut off shorts, beer cans on the front row, and written vows about picking up tighty whiteys covered in trail marks so that the wife doesn't have to is considered a sacred ceremony.* sodomy or skidmarks I vote skid

2 stars

=============================================================

Newsreaders: How Sausage Is Made *A sausage making factory is turned into one of those pretentious millenials start up companies with a hilariously loose atmosphere, and it's visited and documented by a parody of one of those hipster nerd website's sexy cosplay chick who's one of those tries way too hard to be all about nerd culture wannabes. Also, Stevie, from Eastbound & Down, plays a lottery winner whose newly overly rich lifestyle makes him easy to despise.* 2 stars

X Files: Genderbender *The close knit community of Aphrodite and androgyne.* 3 stars

Hippies: Sexy Hippies *"I'm free. Nothin' worryin' me." Except for the fact that being a male, I think about sex every six seconds.* close to 3 stars

Impractical Jokers: Welcome to Miami *Beached Mer-man struggles in the sand for jelly donuts and an alligator is forced to wear a backpack.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Jonny Quest: The Calcutta Adventure *Jolly Jolly Hadji* 3 stars

Son of the Beach: Fanny and the Professor *"Touch my mouth, Louise!" Heatwave haywire.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Rinse Dream presents "Party Doll A Go-GO #2" (1991) *Jungle boogie sock-it-to-me shin-dig squeal flick.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Love Stinks --------------

 *Nookie with no strings attached because Freddy cut them.* 3 stars

*Re-Animator as a yuppie pizza shop cannibal.* 3 stars

----------------------------------------------

"Meatballs Part 2" (1985) *PG rated sex comedy with E.T. and Pee Wee Herman.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: The Man Who Was Death *After his state overturns the death penalty, unemployed electric chair technician William Sadler takes his executioner's blues to the street.* 3 stars

Morton Downey Jr.: Child Abuse *Mort shows off his devilishly red socks and lets people pour their hearts out about that once dirty secret of the family that has come more to light in recent years as something not to hide.* 3 stars

"The Town That Dreaded Sundown" (2014) *Three different time periods entwined into a true crime homage to drive-in slasher movies like Friday the 13th part 2. It's not perfect, but it's prettier than a postcard with red eye gravy spilled over it. Did I say postcard? I meant porkchop. A porkchop with red eye gravy spilled over it. Well, maybe not that pretty. Porkchop, mmm.* close to 3 stars

From Dusk Till Dawn, the series: Pilot Episode *Aztecs, snakes, Geckos, demons, Texas Rangers, Mexican cartels, and last of all 21 year old white chicks (how and why did they escape so easy? makes little sense.).* between 2 and 2 1/2 and stars

Rifftrax presents "Terror At Tenkiller" *"More like timefiller at Tenkiller." Pointless small talk, routine walking and driving, mundane lake activity, creepy jerks, generic background music, plus slight instances of side-boob.* 3 stars with riffing 1 1/2 stars without

Tim & Eric - Bedtime Stories: Baby *The true horror is seeing Tim & Eric amuse themselves by getting odd looking middle-aged men to perform absurd fetish acts. Dr. Steve Brule's manchild cousin Jordan gets scammed by Tim & Eric, and Roseanne's Laurie Metcalf makes a show stealing cameo.* 2 stars

Finding Bigfoot: Paranormal Squatchtivity *Bobo, Ranae, and the other two dingbats travel to some isolated farms and woods in Pennsylvania that look straight out of Night of the Living Dead. They're searching not just for bigfoot, this time, but boo bumps in the night. They also make a sacrificial offer to the bigfoot by dumping bloody guts and powdered donut dust on a rock.* 1 star for the spook and squatch stuff 2 1/2 stars for the natural lighting, non-nightvision, picturesque shots of rural Pennsylvania

Are You Afraid of the Dark?: The Tale of the Lonely Ghost *An early 90s mallrat Tiffany look-a-like bullies her "zeeb" cousin and nanny and meangirls clique until an encounter with a ghost girl from a mirror world.* 3 stars

Gargoyles: Long Way To Morning *gumption versus grouse* 3 stars

Farscape: A Human Reaction *Chricton returns home and finds out he no longer has one.* 3 stars minus maybe 1/2 a star for the twist

Wizards and Warriors: The Kidnap *Black magic and royal blood should never mix.* 3 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: Root Of All Evil *Exchanging currency for blood.* 3 stars

"The Granny" a film by Luca Bercovici (1995) *Stinking rich Stella Stevens has one foot on a banana peel and is pushed into the grave by the greedy inheritors of her wealthy will. An elixir, with a set of instructions similar to the handling of Gremlins, turns her into an Evil Dead inspired demon bitch. It's up to her mousey granddaughter, played by Shannon Whirry (who struggles to hide how sexy she typically is), to send her back to Hell.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Hill Street Blues: Up In Arms *Citizens against crime. Battlefield lovers. Troublemakers on the 6 o'clock news. Criminal turned Christian. Nude model and her ferocious dog of a man. Corrupt cop killed by razor wielding hooker.* 3 stars

------- Black History Month -- Non-Wayans Scary Movie -------------------

"Tales from the Hood" (1995)

*Welcome to my Mortuary: Some homeboys make a pick up of alleyway discovered drugs at a spooky funeral home ran by an eccentric mortician.* 2 1/2 stars

*Rogue Cop Revelation: Wings Hauser and some other pig cops go Rodney King on a political agitator while Billie Holiday's "Strange Fruit" plays as the soundtrack. Exactly one year later, the zombified martyr gets revenge.* 3 stars

*Boys Do Get Bruised: David Alan Grier as an extremely convincing and scary abusive stepfather.* close to 3 stars

*KKK Comeuppance: Voodoo dolls terrorize a racist politician at a cursed plantation. I couldn't help but laugh thinking of those Lil' Penny Hardaway doll commercials from the 90s.* 2 1/2 stars

*Hard Core Convert: A murderous gangbanger won't repent when a Maya Angelou type puts him through Clockwork Orange style therapy torture to get him to see he's killing his own kind in the same way white society lynched his ancestors. It does pose the question of whether it's strictly his fault, but I'm not sure if Spike Lee and others involved aren't suggesting that young black men should use violence on whites instead. There's a lot of venom and hatred and propaganda in this piece. Maybe rightfully so, maybe not.* either zero stars or close to 3 stars

*Mr. Simms: A Mexican standoff Day of the Dead style between the homeboys and the mortician who turns out to be Satan. Welcome to 90's terrible CGI hell, muthafuckas!* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

-------------------------------

Red Shoe Diaries: Just Like That *A cute receptionist, who likes to love it up in an elevator, tries to have it both ways with a rich French guy and a pre-Friends slumming it on softcore late night cable Matt LeBlanc.* close to 3 stars

Hannibal: Ceuf *"Norman Rockwell with a bullet." Hannibal Lecter with a daughter. Molly Shannon with a screw loose (not much of a stretch).* 3 stars

--- Duck Dynasty: Bathroom Baloney

*Outhouse racing, because "SOUTHERN!"

We used to not have indoor plumbing, ya'll.

It's pathetic what A & E will go to in order to justify an hour of tv filled with the stupid nonsense these jerks say.

It's all about those advertising dollars, and we morons who give them views.

They're supposed to be down to earth folk and manly men, but the one called Willie acts like he's never used a grill or stove, like most of his audience would  have had to in their lives, when he burns his fingers and squeals like a girl as he ineptly cooks balogna.

Balogna, a cheap and overly processed lunchmeat that has been a part of the diet of that America that they're so quick to latch onto, but most of this millionaire family turns their nose up at the idea of having to eat.

Duck Dynasty, a brand and a family that sell their garbage merchandise at a company (Wal-Mart) that ripped the heart, balls, and innards (all that would go into balogna) out of American smalltown business folk and replaced it with cheap Chinese manufactured goods and sent jobs overseas so that Duck Dynasty's main audience would have to be poor and eat balogna.

Sing it with me, for the land of the freeee and we used to live in caves...*

running from zero to 1 star

==================================================================

Weird Science: Airball Kings *Gary got game.* 3 stars

15 Storeys High: Ice Queen *God gave us gas.* close to 3 stars

Game of Thrones: season 3 episode 8 *Lambs seeing the dagger.* 3 stars

"Here Comes The Devil" (2012) *The Kids Aren't Alright after a truckstop Picnic At Hanging Rock.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars or 1 1/2 stars for the awkward and amateurish dubbing. The English speaking voice actors are so bland that they drain the passion out of the Spanish actors' performances.

American Horror Story: Asylum "The Name Game" *Rare birds Roche limit.* 3 stars or 1 star for the Glee style musical number

American Horror Story: Coven "The Axeman Cometh" *Ouija (weegee) and all that j-a-z-z.* 3 stars

"House of Dreams" an adult film by Andrew Blake (1990) *Splooge on the foot of a model wearing expensive high heels in one of those new age architectured Malibu beach mansions captured by an expensive perfume high-art pretentious photographer while a Pure Moods cd plays on a thousand dollar plus stereo system.* 2 1/2 stars

----- Black History Month -- Genre Crossover Bad Movie ------------

Cinematic Titanic presents "East Meets Watts" *"Fact: drugs IS comin' into the ghett-toe." but so IS "Rock 'em sock 'em mofos." And "You can tell by the clothes that they're wearing, that it's a fine line between Kung Fu & Disco."* 3 stars with riffing between 1 1/2 and 2 stars without

-----------------------

The Prisoner: Many Happy Returns *Number 6 becomes The Omega Man, Castaway, Bourne, The Fugitive, Top Gun, and then Total Recall'd.* 3 stars

Richard Linklater's "Waking Life" (2001) *"Let's have a *in quotes* Holy Moment."* either close to 2 1/2 stars if you're open to interesting thinking about life or 1 star if you're annoyed by pretentious people talking out of their ass about philosophy...

Bob and Margaret: Love's Labours Lost *Bob pines over his snotty secretary.* close to 3 stars

Northern Exposure: Soapy Sanderson *"Singing your own song," even if it's a murder ballad.* 3 stars

Fargo: A Muddy Road *Orthodox spiders.* 3 stars

X Files: Lazarus *Scully's old flame is shot and smolders out, at the same time as his Clyde Barrow type suspect suffers the same fate. The suspect's spirit snakes into Scully's flame's body and goes on the hunt for his Bonnie.* close to 3 stars

"The Taking Of Deborah Logan" (2014) *The Exorcism of Martha Stewart. Wow, a found footage flick with mostly sympathetic characters, an actual story, creepy scares, and somewhat decent editing.*  close to 3 stars minus 1/2 a star for the vomit vision shaking cam finale. I don't know why this generation has such a hard-on for found footage. It doesn't make fiction more realistic, it just makes it more painful to try to watch.

Stephen King's "Kingdom Hospital": season 1 episode 8 *We didn't start the fire.* 3 stars

"Inferno" a film by Dario Argento (1980) *Like a cat on hot bricks.* 2 1/2 stars

Manimal: Night of the Scorpion *Caper in the Caribbean.* 3 stars

Rifftrax presents "R.O.T.O.R." *Imagine Alex Murphy replaced by Jeff Foxworthy.* 3 stars with riffing 2 stars without

Thundarr the Barbarian: City of Evil *Civilization ends in 1994, and a world of sci fi and fantasy emerges. So, it's like Mike Judge meets Jack Kirby.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: The Voice Of Reason *A paranoid paranormal conspiracy theorist gets a closed door intelligence session with govt officials, where he shows off alien events from the first season of the new outer limits.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Son of the Beach: Eat My Muffin *Luke Skywalker as "Divine" Rod.* 3 stars

Everything Is Terrible -------------------

2 Minute Slaughterhouse Rock: "Death ain't shit. Impress me." - 2 1/2 stars

3 Minute Mankillers: "Ladies, and I use that term loosely." Acting, and I use that term loosely. - 3 stars

Pregnant Men!: "I rolled over and went back to sleep." - 3 stars

Out of the Wild: Teddy bears and Werner Herzog. - close to 3 stars

Ninja Magic Dragon Kid!: "Do you know Don 'The Dragon' Wilson?" Well, he's barely in this, but there's this 12 year old who does karate... - 3 stars

-----------------------

The Ben Stiller Show: season 1 episode 1 *Bono for breakfast. Judd Apatow, Bob Odenkirk, and others help make this one of the best, and sadly forgotten, sketch shows of all time.* 3 stars

--- Black History Month -- Social Justice zombie classic with commentary ----

Rifftrax presents George Romero's original "Night of the Living Dead" *Apocalypse and Arby's.* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 stars without

---------------------

American Gothic: Meet the Beetles *Sheriff Buck versus Bruce Campbell.* 3 stars

The Greatest American Hero: Here's Looking At You, Kid *Vanishing act with top secret space age equipment. Vanishing act, when it comes time to meet the girlfriend's parents.* close to 3 stars

 ---- Black History Month --- Social Satire movie ---

"CSA - The Confederate States of America" *Slavery, for an economically strong and stable society.* either zero stars or 3 stars

 ----------

American Horror Story: Freakshow "Show Stoppers" *Cooped up rage.* 2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story: Freakshow "Curtain Call" *This series whimpers to a close like a sad gypsy's fart or a tired hobo's bugle.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Forever Knight: Dark Knight part 1 & 2 *Highlander meets the dawn of Seattle grunge meets Kolchak, the Night Stalker meets MTV's The Maxx.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Dig That Cat... He's Real Gone *"Dying for dollars." A death defying Houdini act where death isn't actually defied.* 3 stars

"Bad Girls" (1994) *Casserole western. At least Geena Davis isn't the lead.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

--- Everything Is Terrible ----

Camel Club Network: Joe Camel in tha nightclub. - 3 stars

You're A Hypocrite!: Grumpy theology getting off point and no fun. - 1 star

Watch the Jello Wiggle!: Thirty somethings determine the Teen Set. - 3 stars

Y'Know: No, I don't know, evangelical and or motivational white lady. - 2 1/2 stars

Truth or Dare: A deadly game for unstable yuppies.* 3 stars

--------

Are You Afraid of the Dark?: The Tale of the Sorcerer's Apprentice *Canadian junior high kids go "goth" over a Babylonian snake god.* 2 1/2 stars

--- Black History Month -- Prejudice Philosophy flick ---

Sam Fuller's "White Dog" (1982) *"Cure or kill the sickness."* either zero or 3 stars

---------

Morton Downey Jr.: Communism *Loudmouths, intelligence agents, government (U.S. & the U.S.S.R.) sponsored military groups in 3rd world hot-spots, and last of all "TRAITORS!"* 1 star

12:01 Beyond: Illegal Aliens ---------

*A man and his dog, living alone in the desert, are abducted by a ufo. that or the dog is an alien or becomes an alien?* close to 3 stars

*VHS quality trailer for the new War of the Worlds (not Spielberg / Cruise).* 3 stars

*TV rip promo for CBS showing of Sigourney Weaver in ALIENS.* 3 stars

*Mr. Lobo rambles about ancient alien conspiracy theories while an alien fires a electricity blaster behind him.* 3 stars

*Famous Studios' Superman in "Showdown": Superman framed with impostor.* 3 stars

*VHS quality rip trailer for the movie Hangar 18.* 3 stars

*TV quality rip for "Magic" 92 FM radio "The Superstar Space Cruiser" of radio stations playing classic rock albums.* 3 stars

*'The Tony Tomato Show' presents Heil Hipster performing in a Weezer 'Buddy Holly' esque music video.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

*VHS quality rip trailer for "Moon Trap." Killer lunar robots and Bruce Campbell.* 3 stars

*TV quality rip for an 1980s NYC Manhattan comic convention featuring a lot of classic Sci-Fi alien comic books.* 3 stars

*Ninja the Mission Force - Citizen Ninja: No rest for the Ninja. Not even a playground picnic.* close to 3 stars

*TV / VHS quality neon lazer graphics advertisement for Rochester's 95FM BBF.* 3 stars

*TV/VHS quality rip for an old 80s DR. Pepper commercial where a cowboy walks into a space bar cantina filled with alien puppetry creatures and orders a tall one. That is a Dr. Pepper.* 3 stars

*The "Saint of Insomniacs" Mr. Lobo sits by a Tesla type machine and greets a scary looking alien creature who is into probing.* 3 stars

*(feature movie) Cannon films presents - "Alien Contamination": Explosive xenomorph eggs, and a cyclops tentacle creature, in an exploitation flick.* 2 1/2 stars

*Vintage UHF tv advertisement for channel 6 XETV promoting 5, count 'em 5, classic episodes of the original Star Trek tv series.* 3 stars

*Vintage Fox tv affiliate WPGH channel 53 and its promotion of Alien Nation, the series' upcoming episode.* 3 star

*Vintage tv commercial for the OMNI sci fi "fact and fiction" magazine.* 3 stars

*Republic Pictures serial The Crimson Ghost in The Laughing Skull: Heavy water has leaks.* 2 1/2 stars

*Mr. Lobo may have been probed and payed 20 dollars for it.* 2 1/2 stars

*Grindhouse trailer for the flying frisbee alien leeches flick "It Came Without Warning."* 3 stars

*TV/VHS rip quality commercial for Diet Dr. Pepper featuring a Will Forte look alike living in a Raising Arizona / Joe Bob Briggs style trailer park with his sweetie and having a close encounter.* close to 3 stars

*Zolar X - Timeless (music video): The Ramones meets Mork & Mindy.* 2 1/2 stars

*Thumb Snatchers from the Moon Coccoon: Stop motion short about opposable thumb hatin' robot aliens and a Texas cow munching cowboy sheriff squaring off.* close to 3 stars

------------------

Cinematic Titanic: The Alien Factor *"Pissing Skittles."* 2 1/2 stars with riffing 1 star without

Everything is Terrible ----

*The Stinger: Pontiac feels that modern car concepts should be "wacky," "funky,"  filled with useless gadgets, and cost 2 million dollars to create.* close to 3 stars

*The Old New Age!: Puffy clouds and PBS philosophy / aesthetics / tunes.* 3 stars

*That Doll Looks Like Your Daughter!: Wholesome, loving, lifeless, and that uncanny valley...* 3 stars

*Reppies Agenda Revealed: Let's make a rainbow and do the electric slide, all for the glory of our New World Order overlords.* 2 1/2 stars

*Bully Bustin': "Sometimes, you gotta smack somebody."* 3 stars

-----------

USA Up All Night with host Rhonda Shear presents "Porky's 2" ----

*Win a piece of Rhonda's horrible (looks fingerpainted) artwork. Ha.* 3 stars

*Rhonda laments the flow of her particular pink piece of artwork.* close to 3 stars

*An operatic Korbel champagne commercial showing picturesque American life. yeah, maybe if you're drunk on Korbel.* 2 stars

*Turtle Wax magic and science to help shine your convertible using "science and magic." Available at K-Mart.* 2 1/2 stars

*Hurry to Sears for a 3 day paint sale.* 2 stars

*1 800 Collect will help you save on collect calls and it somehow helps a generic fake Yankee baseball player rob a homerun "Whatta save!"* close to 2 1/2 stars

*"Before Arnold, before Stallone, there was Skywalker." USA is showing the original Star Wars 8 / 7 central.* 3 stars

*Rhonda daydreams about 1950s romantic lifestyles and compares it to the 90s where she can't get a date, because all the guys are on dates with each other. Then, she reads fan mail about how much sexual energy she puts into her paintings, then she gives that painting away to said horny fan.* 3 stars

*Rhonda makes fun of male pushups in Porky's 2 as being "safe sex" and she shows off a horribly drawn portrait of her house with dog poop on the lawn.* 3 stars

*Rhonda cools off with a Snapple in a cheaply produced Snapple promo.* 2 1/2 stars

*Bluesy 90s slickly produced Greyhound bus travel commercial. I've taken a Greyhound bus trip. It's nowhere near this glamorous. It stinks, actually.* 2 1/2 stars

*The host of MTV Sports (whose name escapes me) is with Arnold in a Burger King BK TeeVee advertisement for the Summer of 93's biggest blockbuster "Last Action Hero."* close to 3 stars

*While a mom does some home repair, a toddler has a horrible gasoline accident and is shown in the hospital burn unit covered in bandages in one of those awful scary as shit PSA announcements from back in the day.* 3 stars

*GNC the authority on getting musclehead gym rats hooked on supplement taking pill addictions.* 2 star

*"Ever been curious about Hollywood girls?" Well, these babes dance luridly on the hosed down concrete floor of a large suburban downtown flat while dressed in leather and 60s biker hats in this phone sex 1 900 950 WILD commercial.* 3 stars

*Next is yet another phone sex commercial with girls looking straight out of Beverly Hills 90210. Wowza.* 3 stars

*Rhonda shows a classic "cut scene" from the Wizard of Oz "Suck my wand!" that just happens to have made it into Porky's 2. And Rhonda reads another fan letter in it which she continues to win over the hearts and views of fans for her offbeat sense of humor.* 3 stars

*Rhonda makes fishy faces with her self portrait.* close to 3 stars

*Then a hypnotic bumper with Rhonda twirling against a starlit background while wearing a one piece swimsuit / aerobics outfits. Wowza.* 3 stars

*never park your car without the CLUB anti-auto-theft device, especially if you live in a Texas Mexico bordertown. Ha. Whatever happened to those? I guess thieves figured out a way around the device.* 2 1/2 stars

*Beautiful, portrait pretty mornings begin at 8, that is Super 8 motel, and that is also if you're a yuppie business man driving around the backcountry (what business is there out there?) with a cup of steaming hot coffee on top of your Ford Taurus rental car.* 2 1/2 stars

*Murphy Brown is smart, right? I mean... she does have her own witty tv sitcom... and she is spokeswomanperson for SPRINT long distance in this big budget commercial with 90s quirky aesthetics featuring the tops of bald mens' heads with cartoon floating graphics and a thinktank lab with a huge brain in a robotic device... huh?* 2 1/2 stars

*"What could be worse than the cost of a yeast infection? How about the cost of curing it?" Femcare for the cheap lady with downstairs troubles. Wow, did women really skip feminine healthcare because of high cost? Glad I was too young to experience the joys of a woman back then.* 2 1/2 stars for weirdness

*A leading zooologist explains the difference between sparkling polar bears (ones who ice skate in a skirt) and sparkling rootbeer cream soda A & W rootbeer.* 3 stars

*After a terrorist strikes... Silk Stalkings on USA.* close to 3 stars

*Sean Connery is a space cowboy... high noon in outerspace... Outland on USA.* 3 stars

*Rhonda's factoid of the week: close to 3 million gallons of oil produced in America, almost enough to style Jerry Lewis's hair.* 2 stars

*No touch tire care in a can really frustrates blue collar motorheads.* 2 stars

*"There's nothing worse than a foul smelling pair of shoes?" Wait, what about yeast infections? Odor Eaters knocks the skunk right out (literally) of a pair of old men's dress shoes.* 3 stars

*Tri Star pictures presents Weekend at Bernies 2, starting July 9th, 1993.* 3 stars

*"Even the best need attention, know what I mean?" So says a blonde skank on a cheap looking phone sex advertisement.* 2 1/2 stars

*Sluts "love sharing secrets" on another phone sex ad. Now, they just share selfies and butt in mirror photos on twitter / instagram and it doesn't cost 3 dollars a minute.* 2 1/2 stars

*Patty and her orangutan pal Roger try little Caesar's pizza and spaghetti.* 3 stars

*Tough actin' Tinactin for CGI fungal fires on the feet of jocks.* 2 stars

*"America's hot new number, 1 800 Collect." they've even replaced the Hollywood sign with a 1 800 Collect Sign. Boy, will they feel dumb, when they realize no one uses collect calls anymore. Everyone has a wireless plan. Dumb, 1993, get with the times, already.* 2 stars

*Rhonda gives away a foot sculpture to a female fan wanting it for her husband's office. I guess her husband, Al, has a foot fetish.* 2 stars

*Live & Loud Ozzy's new album straight from his 92 tour available at Record Town and Tape World.* 2 1/2 stars

*30 something moms in party cowboy hats use Suave miracle anti-perspirant to survive their rowdy munchkin kids' birthday parties.* 2 1/2 stars

*Nintendo's Kirby comes from Dreamland to the real world to prove that he's "One Tough Cream Puff" in an awesomely animated into live action commercial.* 3 stars

*"It's never too late for an intimate phone adventure." So, dude, bro, pick up your oversized cordless house phone with the extra long antenna and dial up some horny chicks for only 3 bucks a minute, man.* 3 stars

*Rhonda hangs out with her Bart Simpson doll and shows off her "Bart art".* 3 stars

*Models, on a beach, have lips that need protection from the sun's harsh rays. So, they use Blistex. But, they probably should get out of the sun, because they all look so dark that they probably have skin cancer already.* 2 stars

*"Continuous Action Formula!" soft & dri super solid lady deoderant will have the fellas fawning over any high class city chick.* 3 stars

*A sign language lady uses conceal and heal wart remover.* 2 1/2 stars

*"If you use gasoline the wrong way, your dreams will go up and smoke." Your kids will die as it's put in another scary gasoline fire PSA. Was there this huge problem with misuse of gasoline back in the 80s and 90s? Sheesh!* 3 STARS

*A soft saxophone, a tropical window scene with flowing curtains in the wind, and a creepy narrator on camera, in a white tuxedo, let's us know about Eve and her need to forget, which she can't do, on EDEN coming to USA....* close to 3 stars

*Rhonda is sad to say that Robert DeNiro isn't in Porky's.* 2 stars

*Rhonda really doesn't like Porky's 2 and recommends that if you wanna watch Porky's 3, then rent Porky's 1 and change the number.* 2 1/2 stars

*And finally to get to the actual film presentation... for this chopped and censored to the point of little coherency comedy...* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

---------------

Son of the Beach: Miso Honei *Pink beam at Point Break.* 2 1/2 stars

--- Black History Month -- Inter-racial Adult Art Film --

Dark Bros. presents "Black Throat" *A dumbass honky, a new-wave negro pimp, and a trash-talkin' plastic rat go on the hunt for an expert fellatio hoe named "Madame Mambo."* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

--------

From Dusk Till Dawn: Blood Runs Thick *The original was a good movie, but it could have used a 14 year old girl's i-phone conversation with her boyfriend, an unintentionally funny fist fight between the Gecko brothers, rice-milk refreshment breaks, and cute pink bunny accessories to remind one of just how sweet having a daughter can be... oh, also Fez, from That 70s Show, dressed up like Kool Moe D in Wild Wild West.* 2 stars

Kung Fu: An Eye For An Eye *A woman's right to choose death. Honestly, however, a thoughtful commentary on revenge.* 3 stars

The Walking Dead: What Happened.... *Swing low, sweet chariot.* 3 stars

Everything is Terrible -----

*Aerobic Self Defense: Don't be a victim, attack from the rear.* 3 stars

*Time to get it on, T. Bone: Sidney Party Yeah Uh... or however you spell and pronounce Sidney Pottier.* close to 3 stars

*Tax Day!: I'm not sayin' that we should be anarchists, I'm just sayin' we should commit anarchy.* 3 stars

*Oldies vs. Hippies!: The early bird gets stoned.* close to 3 stars

*Mark of the beast: Government is evil, ignore the patriotic background music. Worldly goods are fleeting, seek salvation, and send us your money.* 3 stars

---------

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Painted Hills *Chewin' the scenery with Lassie.* 3 stars with riffing 2 stars without

--- Black History Month -- Black Cowboy Cinema ---

Fred Williamson in "Joshua" (1976) *Who is Joshua? to quote Joshua, "I'm my mother's son." Some bandits make the mistake of shooting his mama, in the back, before Joshua can reunite with her after the Civil War.* 2 1/2 stars

--------------

William Friedkin's "Sorcerer" (1977) *No futuro without risk.* 3 stars

"Glengarry Glen Ross" (1992) *Close the deal, you expletive-expletive-expletive...* 3 stars

X Files: Young At Heart *The curious case of Spooky Mulder.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

The Ben Stiller Show: Season 1 episode 2 *20 so years later, and Nick Kroll has almost the exact same show.* 2 1/2 stars

Everything is Terrible ----

*Learn to Fly: self levitate the expert way.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Hunks Hunks Hunks!: "Smell the protein in this room."* either 1 star or close to 3 stars

*Here's How!: to be a show off.* 2 stars

*Greatest Song Ever Sung: Kathie Lee cares about the kids of genocide. Well, just kids in general, they sure are cute. Fuck adults in need, they're not as cute. Jesus was a kid too ya know. He was cute, too. "Like one of us," as a kid, but way cuter.*  either zero stars or 2 1/2 stars

*4 Minute - The Alien Agenda - Endangered Species: Vote for Pedro for president of the X Files fan club.* 3 stars

----------

Viper: Ghosts *Reformed criminals, the paralyzed, holograms, and future cars -more than meets the eye.*  between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"John Wick" (2014) *"Everything has a price," but good action / fight choreography and a dead wife's puppy are priceless.* 3 stars

Hannibal: Coquilles *About as much fun as a tumor.* zero stars

American Horror Story: Coven "The Dead" *Satisfaction.* 2 1/2 stars

Black Sails: Season 1 episode 3 *Ship without a captain.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Magic Voyage of Sinbad *"There goes a stupid, stupid man." Fake Sinbad, the father of modern socialism.* close to 2 stars with riffing between 1/2 and 1 star without

Rinse Dream presents "Cafe Flesh" (1982) *"A tableau of desire in decline." The perfect mindfuck Dear John paranoid love letter from the dawn of the AIDS-HIV era to the end of the 'Free Love' era.* 3 stars

True Detective: Who Goes There? *She done gone. Tyrone. Drugged out, deep cover.* 3 stars

Crossballs, the debate show: Reality TV No Survivors *"They fall in love in a hot tub, just like us."* 3 stars

Channel 4 in the U.K. presents Ban This Filth: episode 1 *Prudish, old ladies -the purveyors and "haters" (a term that I despise) of perverted behavior.* close to 3 stars

David Fincher's "Gone Girl" (2014) *An ode to the psychotic climate of hysteria caused by media jackals like Nancy Grace.* 3 stars

The Ben Stiller Show: season 1 episode 3 *To boldly go where Bruce Springsteen has never gone before.* 2 1/2 stars

Justified: season 1 episode 3 *"Seems like everyone here is from someplace else."* close to 3 stars

Swamp Thing: The Hunt *A rolling stone gathers some moss.* close to 2 1/2 stars

"Johnny Dangerously" *An exciting age of criminality.* 3 stars

Everything is Terrible ----

*Dana Carvey Is Rolling Over In His Grave: Have mercy, Church Lady.* 2 1/2 stars

*Creep Scientist Fantasy Karaoke: "It's nice to remember." Just don't make it weird.* close to 3 stars

*Cookin' Up Profits!: Elderly ladies are pie baking and financial experts.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

*Christian Puppets Are Selfish: Share everything, including yourself, with stuffed animal puppets of the faith.* 2 1/2 stars

*BEV!: "She'll kill us." during our middle aged lady step aerobic workout.* 3 stars

---------

Thundarr the Barbarian: Last Train To Doomsday *Can't keep a Gemini wizard under wraps. Plus, 1960s Marvel comic books become an instructional handbook for sorcery weirdos of the post-apocalypse.* 3 stars

Weird Science: Party High USA *School curriculum for those willing to stay stupid or hoping to become scumbags.* 2 1/2 stars

Max Headroom: Dream Thieves *In an age where people trade their dreams for dreams, Swamp Thing's Arcane is also an old friend / rival of Edison Carter.* 3 stars

"A Scanner Darkly" (2006) *We're all trying to escape, and we're all unknowingly being observed while trying. That's when we're unwittingly put to uses.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Night Stand with Dick Dietrick--- (1996)

*Fashion VIctims - Lowering High Fashion Standards: Getting heavy with emaciated models.*  close to 2 1/2 stars for the topic's performance 3 stars for Timothy Stack's jokes

*Secret Lives... Exposing Ourselves: Hot For Teacher - A teacher moonlights as a porn star. "Say it loud, I'm practically black and I'm proud." - A light skinned  black man is shocked to discover that he's half black and not Italian. The Perfect Mom & Dad turn out to be Dad & Mom* close to 3 stars

-------

Mortal Kombat - Legacy: Jax, Sonya, and Kano *TEST YOUR MIGHT at the Ace Chemicals / Skynet factory.* 3 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Safe Sex  ----

*A picky dweeb's Satanic attraction and death by wet dream.* 3 stars

*An outcast chick's obsession with Freddy goes too far.* 3 stars

------

American Horror Story: Murder House "Smoldering Children" *Familial putridity.* close to 3 stars

X Files: E.B.E. *Piss up an Idian rope trick. There's an 18 wheeler causing alien confusion as it travels a shadowy path across America.* 3 stars

From Dusk Till Dawn, the series: Mistress *Harbingers, whore offerings, and head-shrinking.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Banshee: season 1 episode 1 *A raccoon running from a rabbit. A -just out of prison- thief steals the identity of a deceased new sheriff to a Walking Tall type backwoods corrupt town.* 3 stars

American Horror Story: Coven "The Sacred Taking" *Thrill rides, terminal goodbyes, two way roads, and tingles of the cooch.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Red Shoe Diaries: Another Woman's Lipstick *Girl in guy drag and a David Lynch inspired striptease.* 3 stars

---- Valentine's Three Way Movie Feature ---

John Cassavetes in "Incubus" (1982) *Try a little tenderness. Try a little cursed bestiality.* 3 stars

Paul Verhoeven's "Basic Instinct" (1992) *Torrid 90s trash revisited.* either 1 star or close to 2 1/2 stars

Michael Ninn's "Fade to Blue" *Get 'yer kicks on Route 66. It's a stylized xxx religious experience.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

-----------

Werner Herzog's "Lessons of Darkness" (1992) *Scorched earth war disgrace, the Book of Revelation, and fossil fuel drudgery, danger, madness -all from an alien perspective.* 3 stars

Stephen King's "Storm of the Century" (mini-series) *Born in sin, the Weather Channel's Jim Cantore, come on in.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Fargo: Eating the Blame *Greenbacks, grasshoppers, gospel, and the gristle of a riddle.* 3 stars

"Winter People" (1988) *Milk, honey, and time a flowin.' Kurt Russell plays against type as a gentle clockmaker / Ichabod Crane type in a Hatfields & McCoys style hillbilly period piece.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Cinematic Titanic: Legacy of Blood *"Tijuana snuff films are more wholesome."* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars with riffing close to 2 stars without riffing

Son of the Beach: South of Her Border *Labia & Johnson. Erik Estrada & Marsha Brady.* close to 3 stars (despite all the stale bean fart jokes, it manages to be funny)

Northern Exposure: Dreams, Schemes, and Putting Greens *"Wine 'em, dine 'em, stick 'em with the tab." ... or leave 'em standing in the rain at the 18th hole... or leave 'em standing at the altar singing showtunes.* 3 stars

Everything Is Terrible ----

Freedom Song: Show us yer tits fer freedom.* 3 stars

Fiddlin' With My...: Would you rather be in Branson with Shoji or would you rather be a mule?* 3 stars

Dreaming of Foxy Boxing: That cloud looks like a cat fight.* close to 3 stars

Dinner With The Abortionists!: "Ask your wife." quoting a slimeball abortion performing doctor.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

The Lottery Guru!: Hint, hint, you'll never win the lottery. Hint, hint, invest in firearms.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

------

Night Stand with Dick Dietrick ---

Illegal Aliens Star Search: Immigrant talent show for the prize of a green card.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars (3 plus stars for the Phil Hartman cameo)

Hooked on Hookers: Sexy Social Outrage.* close to 3 stars

------

Crossballs, the debate show: American Driving, Carmageddon *Defensive drivers on the defensive against aggressive comedians.* 3 stars

"Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man" (1991) *"Come on and take a free ride." - John the Baptist $T.M.$ If they make this movie for the millenial generation, it will be called 'Rob Dyrdek and the Starbucks Person,' and it will pack a limp wristed punch.* 2 1/2 stars

Hill Street Blues: Your Kind, My Kind, Humankind *Being true to one's self and the team.* 3 stars

The Walking Dead: Them *A deathdream last episode and now this episode has an exhaustion zombie fight, a pack of wild dogs, worm eating & dog eating, mysterious note and a gift of water at the point of dehydration, a backroad tornado out of nowhere, solace in a shack in the middle of nowhere, and a zombie siege on the shack that seemed to spell the end of everyone in the group (which turns out to be a dream? or did they all just die?). This second half of the season is taking a turn into surreal southern gothic.* 3 stars

"In Cold Blood" (1967) *The point in modern America where we all took a dreaded detour into a conscience of indifferent malice that we've been driving on ever since.* 3 stars

"Nightcrawler" (2014) *Hollywood really wants us to sympathize with their paparazzi plight. A success driven psycho is nihilistic about bringing skid row sensationalism to the Southern California suburban news market.* close to 3 stars

The Ben Stiller Show: Season 1 Episode 4 *Melrose changes people. Ben finds out this when Andy Dick turns into a hipster bitch on the back of a biker dyke's harley.* 3 stars

--- Black History Month --- Cultural Cliches Comedy ----

Melvin and Mario Van Peebles present "Identity Crisis" (1989) *Gianni Versace is my homeboy. Rest in peace, my gay nigga.* close to 2 stars

------

Ban This Filth: episode 2 *"I would rather live in a vast, treeless desert without filth."* 2 1/2 stars

Hippies: Hippy Dippy Hippies *"Painting the house of ideas, shit brown," like a pig would.* 3 stars

"The Satisfiers of Alpha Blue" a Gerard Damiano xxx film (1980) *In the future, in the ruins of a space age commune, survivors hump, day & night, like bunny astronauts. They have this calculator connected to the future internet, and surprise the internet is mostly for sex, where they can dial up and beam up "satisfiers" to fulfill their every sexual need. But is it enough?* 2 1/2 stars

Farscape: Through The Looking Glass *3, 5, prime. Red, yellow, blue. Dizzy, loud, and funny too.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Wizards and Warriors: The Rescue *"I wouldn't want to fight a dragon that I could see, let alone an invisible dragon." Yeah, that's right, an invisible dragon.* 3 stars

Cinematic Titanic: Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks *"It's like Clint Howard and Gentle Ben had a kid, and he's choking me!" It's also like Eegah! meets The Sinful Dwarf.* 3 stars with riffing between 2 and 2 1/2 stars without

American Horror Story: Asylum "Spilt Milk" *Nursing a grudge.* close to 3 stars

"The Babysitter's Club Video #1 Mary Anne and the Brunettes" (1990) *Scholastic and craptastic. Mommy / gossip / relationship training for young chicks who can't even get their darn ears pierced. Weird to see so many kids and zero adults in this Charlie Brown / Children of the Corn town.* 1 star

Jr. Christian Science Vol. 1 *One of Tim & Eric's weirdo friends hosts an early 90s public access educational children's show. A chore to sit through, but almost worth it for the moments where he loses his cool when the production doesn't go exactly his way, and it features some of the most awkward singing and puppetry ever combined.* 1 star

Mortal Kombat - Legacy: Johnny Cage *True Hollywood story, death of the action star.* 2 1/2 stars

"Constantine" (2005) *Keanu Reeves as a wanker. Shy LePoof as a hardnosed cabbie sidekick. Tilda Swinton in guy drag. Hollywood knows what comic fans want. They want their beloved characters americanized and the movie version to be filled with techno music and cgi in every single shot.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

From Dusk Till Dawn, the series: Let's Get Ramblin' *Soul cleansing, soul redeeming, power in the blood.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Forever Knight: for I have Sinned *and sat in judgement.* close to 3 stars

"Exorcist 2: The Heretic" (1977) *Plight of the white wing dove. Not enough mood or scares, and too much of all of the following: pseudo science astral projection / mental flashbacks, jazz tap dance, big over the top special fx, traversing the globe, and Linda Blair vanity project / poor acting. James Earl Jones, Louise Fletcher, and Richard BUrton are great, though.*  between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

Hannibal: Entree *"A bunch of psychopaths helping each other out."* 3 stars

American Horror Story: Coven "Head" *Proudly marching to the guillotine of perdition.* 3 stars

"Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror" (1981) *Eye-Talian style maggot-filled weapon-wielding zombies laying siege on a gothic mansion. Gore filled disembowling deaths, shot gun blasts to zombie skulls, smashing / chopping zombies / people to bits, and titty chewing. Gloriously over the top dubbing. And lastly a "child" or dwarf(?) actor that makes Bud Cort look normal.* 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Only Sin Deep *Pretty woman on loan from the pawn shop.* 3 stars

The Walking Dead: The Distance *Rick Grimes, the most justifiably paranoid man on the planet of the undead, will watch gay love, from the shadows, just to make sure someone's intentions are legit.* close to 3 stars

"Sticks and Stones" (1996) *Another of those generic mid-1990s coming of age / the dangers of handguns in a family home / absentee parents (too busy being a doctor more than a mom Kirstie Alley) / abusive white trash parents (father of the main bully) / dealing with school bullies and also brothers who are bullies too (Zack from Saved by the Bell. *barf* on both accounts) and the bullied (a young and pudgy Seth Rogen, you would think but the kid's name is Max Goldblatt along with his bully tackling overprotective daddy played by Gary Busey), complete with that wholesome Americana past-time of baseball as a connecting theme for this sentimental tripe.* either 1/2 a star or close to 2 stars

--- Black History Month --- Bon Voyage Film Feature ---

"Trippin" (1996) *A young brutha and perpetual slacker, during his senior year in highschool, is constantly escaping reality into his fantasies that often feature fly booty honeys.* 2 1/2 stars

----------

#kroll show #cinematic titanic #max headroom #blind date #swamp thing #branson famous #my big redneck family #newsreaders #x files #simon pegg hippies #impractical jokers #johnny quest #son of the beach #freddy's nightmares #meatballs part 2 #tales from the crypt #morton downey jr #the town that dreaded sundown #from dustk till dawn #rifftrax #finding bigfoot #are you afraid of the dark #gargoyles #farscape #friday the 13th the series #the granny 1995 #luca bercovici #hill street blues #scary movie #wayans

[nancydhooper]

Randazza: Nothing is Straight in Boston

By Marc J. Randazza

Boston was home to a "Straight Pride" rally. Unsurprisingly, a bunch of idiots showed up to protest the other idiots, and idiocy ensued. It seems to have all been fixed now. So, here's the story.

Straight Pride Ralliers – Super Happy Fun America – Really? What is the point?

Yes, the straight pride group is really called "Super Happy Fun America." One could say "Super Gay Fun America" would be a synonym?

On one level, I'm ok with these clowns. That's what America is — the right to march down the street proclaiming whatever you want. I'm pretty proud to be a native Masshole – and part of that Masshole pride comes from the fact that Massachusetts was the first state to say "Dood, what the fahk paht of EQUAL do you not fahkin' undastand? If you can get married, so can the queahs if they wanna. Peary-id." See Goodridge v. Dept. of Public Health, 798 N.E.2d 941 (Mass. 2003).

Some have asked what the purpose of the parade was, but, that is beside the point. I don't like it when someone asks me why I want to have an AK-47. My answer is "because it is my constitutional right to, and that's all I have to say." Same with "why don't you want your home randomly searched?" Or, "why do you need to say this shit?" If the answer is "because it is my Constitutional right," then that's that.

Of course, you know the reason why there was a "straight pride" rally. There's the sorta dumb perspective of someone who does not understand why there might be a need for a "black pride" event, but a "white pride" event sends a really different message. If you're that stupid, go read something else. We're not going to wait for you to catch up.

Ok, fine… if the day comes that gay people kick the shit out of you for liking pussy… and you get arrested for enjoying pussy… and you maybe even get lobotomized or put in a mental asylum, and all of a sudden you're like "what the fuck, I WAS FUCKING BORN THIS WAY, LEAVE ME ALONE!" Yes, then maybe we might need a straight pride rally. Until then, lets chill.

But, the way shit is, we only "need" a straight pride rally because we "need" the entire texture of thoughts and ideas to be put in the marketplace of ideas. So, I wholeheartedly support these clowns right to beclown themselves.

The Counter-Protesters

Idiots too. Yes, I would like to invoke "The Inverse Charlottesville Speech Rule." That is when you say: "There were very dumb people on both sides."

If you want something so pre-discredited as a "straight pride rally" to fail, the best thing you can do is ignore it. Personally, I wish there could have been a very organized counter-protest where they just got 1,000 guys to put on sparkly sequined dresses and feather boas to watch, clap, and just yell "WE LOVE YOU, YOU'RE FABULOUS!" at the entire parade. That would have been a resounding victory for the pro-equality crowd. But, y'know, nobody fuckin listens.

So, those who got angry about this parade? Congratulations -they gave them at least part of their win. But, hey, they get to express their ideas too.

Along with them were the dipshits with the bandanas on their faces – trying to be all "we're just anti-fascists." No, they're fascists. Don't tell me that they're "anti-fascist" just because that is what's in the name. By that measure, The Democratic Republic of North Korea is a "democracy."

The Police

TThey arrested violent protesters, as they should — and maybe as they should teach their counterparts in Portland and Berkeley how to do. But, they also arrested non-violent protesters. And, since I haven't reviewed any of the film of those arrests, I'll give them a pass — civil disobedience might have its place, but you still might have to get a ride to the police station and a little bit of paperwork.

The DA

The Suffolk County DA is sorta awesome in this case, because she tried to drop all the charges against the non-violent protesters. But, things got weird.

Context: She has pledged not to prosecute "minor" crimes like trespassing, shoplifting, drug possession, and resisting arrest. On one level, I like that. I really wish that prosecutors would be a little more discerning in filling the prison pipeline. But, this is just might going to result in the "inverse broken windows" situation. Already, some dumbass decided he could shoplift with impunity because he heard about her policy. (source) Unfortunately for that dumbass, he didn't realize that he was shoplifting in a different jurisdiction. Oops.

The DA decided to drop all the non-violent charges connected to protests at the straight pride rally. I am going to presume she did this for an enlightened reason – that if a citizen is expressing him or herself in a non-violent way, then maybe we don't need to crush them with the weight of the state. I do question whether she would have done the same had the political polarity of the offenders been reversed. But, that's just a question right now. She has not yet had the opportunity to prove me right or wrong. So, let's give her the benefit of the doubt.

The Trial Judges

Every day, prosecutors walk into court and say "your honor, we would like to noll pros these charges." If the defendant does not want the charges to proceed (naturally) and the prosecutor does not either, then that's the end of the story. Even if the prosecutor is doing it for a bad reason (not that she was) then that's that. She is elected by the people. She speaks for the people. The people, through her voice, say "this person's conduct is ok with us, let it go."

But, two judges have said "LOL, no" (paraphrased). They refused to let the state drop the charges. (source)

To make things even weirder, the Prosecutor appealed to the Supreme Judicial Court to drop the charges. I have to say, I have never seen a case where a prosecutor appealed to try and let defendants off the hook.

And, the decision came down just a few minutes ago. FIGGITY FIRST, MUTHAFUCKAS!

The Decision – Commonwealth v. Roderick Webber

Supreme Court Justice Gaziano just issued his decision – and the result is no surprise – he upheld the prosecutor's discretion to drop the charges.

Primarily, it was a separation of powers issue. Under Art. 30 of the Massachusetts Constitution, the prosecutor has exclusive jurisdiction over whether to prosecute a case or not. (Op. at 3).

The trial court judge apparently resisted because of the Massachusetts Victim's Bill of Rights, which gives a victim of a crime the right to have some input into dropping a case. The judge took the position that the victims were "Super Happy Fun America," whose First Amendment rights were impeded. (Op. at 4) I can sorta see that point, at least from an emotional perspective.

But, as Justice Gaziano pointed out, in a disorderly conduct case, the "victim" is the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and not a particular citizen. Same logic applies if you wind up getting in a bar fight and neither of you really want to press charges — you didn't just do something to each other, you also violated the Commonwealth's peace.

But, even if that were not so, the trial court would have still lacked the authority to force the Commonwealth to press forward. Because separation of powers.

Justice Gaziano did specify that there were cases supporting some curtailment of prosecutorial discretion – but only if there is a "scandalous" misuse of authority. You know, bribes or shit like that. Nothing like that seemed to be even remotely going on here – but good to know that there's at least that level of control.

Accordingly, all of the charges that the prosecutor sought to drop are dropped and the arrestee's record is expunged.

Conclusion

All in all, the chips seem to have fallen where they should – but not in a way that doesn't at least make me want to exercise a bit of vigilance.

I like that the state and city did not interfere in the parade, despite the fact that 90% of the community would have loved to see the Super Happy Fun America people rounded up and put in camps. The Commonwealth and the city of Boston seem to have protected the marchers' First Amendment rights.

Protesters got in the way a few times, and the police removed them. This is what the police should do – lest Boston become a "heckler's veto" city like Berkeley or Portland. The District Attorney seems to have done the right thing by using her discretion to only prosecute those who engaged in violent acts. And, while I was initially horrified at what the trial judge did, after reading the Opinion, I see the trial court's position: Think about another time and place — maybe Alabama during the civil rights movement. Imagine a group of locals wants to beat the shit out of some civil rights protesters, and the local prosecutor just says "no crime here." So, yeah, I would like to see some oversight of charges being dropped. But, if we do not respect the separation of powers, the judiciary can get out of control too. The judge is supposed to be impartial – not taking sides.

But, I do hope that if this kind of thing happens again, the politics of those involved is not the determinative factor.

And, y'know … picking Boston as a place to have a parade to stick a finger in the eye of gay rights? Well, that's not exactly how we do it. Nevertheless, I think there's plenty of room in the cradle of liberty for everyone's ideas. I just know which ideas are going to win in the marketplace of ideas. And it isn't Super Happy Fun America's ideas.

Copyright 2017 by the named Popehat author. from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8247012 https://www.popehat.com/2019/09/09/randazza-nothing-is-straight-in-boston/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[kimanilaurenbooks]

One thing that has always saddened me about my hometown of Syracuse, NY, is that you would be hard pressed to find a Black power movement sans respectability politics. Since my teens I have been turned off by such groups. Where can a mainly militant like myself find solace and actual work being done? It seems a lost cause. I’m hard pressed to find a group who doesn’t want to kumbya with white supremacy. Truth is, I’m tired. 

I spent the beginning of my morning discussing with people who were actively involved with the Civil Rights Movement that there’s no way to get the police to stop pulling black people over. These people seem to think that the remedy to police brutality and killings is to be innocent. Tamir Rice says hi from Heaven, guys. They think that if you turn your music down and drive slower that the police leave you alone. I had this conversation on a side of town on which I refuse to drive. People think it’s because I’m “bougie” and don’t want to be around my own people, but it’s because of police harassment. I don’t have time for being followed two and three blocks through the South Side and the West Side of town until the police find someone better to follow around. I don’t have time for them to pull me over to search for a reason to give me a ticket. My older children are taller than a lot of adults now. I don’t have time to watch them get gunned down.

The reason for today’s rant is something that shouldn’t be bringing on this type of rant at all. Picture it: Juneteenth, 2017. I dropped one of my sons off at the beginning point for the parade. An organization with which he is involved was marching with a bunch of other groups promoting black pride and black unity. the first people I saw were white politicians who were running for City Court Judge. The next group I saw were more white politicians. There was a black politician in the mix. There was also a group of white people wearing Black Lives Matter t-shirts, complaining about the parade not starting on time because they wanted to go swimming. (Black Lives Matter, but let’s hurry up so you can do the breast stroke? I see you, LuAnn). 

Shortly after, the Black leaders began trickling in. Immediately they flocked to the politicians to take selfies and shake hands. They thanked them for coming down to the event. Something went off in my head: Y’all invited these muthafuckas?

Just a day after the police officer who murdered Philandlo Castile received a not -guilty verdict, seeing these white politicians at an event celebrating the announcement of Black American freedom seemed... You fill in the blank. (I like the phrase ‘fucked up’ myself). Prior to going to the meeting spot for the parade, they had a whole ass lesson about Juneteenth. Immediately after that they had them marching with people running for the chance to lock them up for minor traffic offenses and crimes they didn’t commit? They had people who want their schools closed and underfunded taking pictures with them. The rage I felt almost couldn’t be contained.

A white woman wearing a Black Lives Matter t-shirt walked through (rather than around) a group of children. A little girl’s sunglasses fell off of her face. The white woman in the Black Lives Matter t-shirt looked down at the fallen glasses, kicked them aside, and kept pushing her way through the group of children. 

I guess Black Lives Matter on $85 t-shirts from Urban Outfitters.  

And then it happened: One of them approached me with a flier for the upcoming elections. “Here you go, Sweetie.”

“Sweetie?” Bitch, do I know you? 

I stood stiff as a board and didn’t budge. One of the politician’s wives then approached me with her hand out. “Hi, I’m-”

“How do you feel about Medicare 4 All?” I asked without blinking. 

She froze. 

“Do you want everyone in this parade, their family members, and their neighbors to have access to the same healthcare as you or better if you have one of those shitty high deductible policies?”

(I surprised myself because I’m usually just passive aggressive, but the words flowed like I’d been saying them my whole life). 

“Well, of course I want affordable healthcare. I’m a Democrat!” She beamed like that meant something. (It’s also worth noting this is the second time a white person involved with politics has said this bullshit to me in less than 24 hours). 

“That’s really not what I asked you, but moving along. How often do you come to this neighborhood outside of Election time? Do Black lives matter when they’re not helping your husband get in office? Where is your husband? I want to ask him about his feelings toward Medicare 4 All.”

Needless to say, I didn’t have very many meaningful conversations with politicians. 

I almost pulled my son out of the parade, but my reasons for not had everything to do with me being a petty mother. 

As we walked away, I fumed to my mother about all the politicians being there but not giving a damn about the children. We passed one of their workers, a Black woman. She overheard what I said and said, “They came down here to show their support. They care.” 

“Girl, if you believe that, then you belong with them. Have a fantastic time,” I told her and kept going. 

So they rode in their Ferraris in the Juneteenth parade as the children walked and older black people walked two miles on canes (this is really a sadistic story I realize). Once they got to the end of the parade, they stayed long enough to pass out more fliers that mentioned nothing about them actually doing things for the people whose time they wasted. 

I am sick of the worshipping of whites that happens in these pro-black spaces while we get their asses to kiss in return. I’m tired of their need to rub elbows with people who will close their doors to us and turn their back on our children once they have our votes. I’m impatiently waiting for a day when Black power does not equate begging for acceptance from white supremacy.

[megamindsecretlair]

Sunshine

Pairing: Tyrone x Black!Fem!reader / Plus Size reader

Warnings: 18+. Minors DNI., multiple uses of n-word and derogatory names. You are in charge of your own reading experience! Intentional use of AAVE. Porn without plot. Cursing, PIV, oral (both male and fem receiving), derogatory language, possession kink, size kink, all consensual.

Summary: At a house party, you meet Tyrone. Common sense flies out the window as you two sneak off for some fun.

Word Count: 2,462k

A/N: I...I have no excuses for myself. And I debated on posting this or not. But I've been feral since the movie came out and I've been gobbling up all the fics I can find. Just wanted to contribute. Of course Fontaine is fine, but I'm a West Coast girlie. Likes are awesome. Please consider commenting and reblogging to help support writers. If you're not Black, please don't reblog.

You bent over to get a tequila soda from the cooler when you felt a presence next to you. You looked up and it took everything in you not to drop your jaw. The man was gorgeous. Beautiful dark skin, thick with two C’s, and a wide smile. He licked them big, juicy lips and smirked at you.

He tugged on one of your braids. “You too good to be hanging around here,” he said. Oh god, his voice was fine too. No, he was dangerous. But you couldn’t make your legs move away.

“What you talkin’ about?” You managed to ask.

“You one of them good girls that always got her nose in a book,” he said. He sipped whatever was in his cup. From the faint smell of it, it was probably Henny. It always was. 

You laughed and shook your head. “I know you’re not talking about stereotypes.” You pointed to his outfit and then pointed to a group of guys on the other side of the cooler. They all wore Khaki dickie shorts, high black socks, Chucks, and a sweatshirt or flannel. He noticed and chuckled. 

“It’s comfortable,” he said. He took in your outfit: a short, blue summer dress and sandals. But the way he took the time to peruse you, study you, had you drinking out of your cup to avoid smiling like an idiot.

“Whatever. And what’s so wrong with having my nose in a book?” 

“You too pure to hang around some hood niggas. Probably like them crew cut muthafuckas, right?” 

You laughed and shook your head. If only he knew…the hundreds, if not thousands at this point, pages of smut you inhaled on a weekly basis. “Definitely not. What other stereotypes you got for me?” 

“You got a curfew, don’t you? Some nice nigga in your DMs askin’ to take you out,” he continued. 

A few other people at the house party moved over to grab drinks. You moved out of their way, moving closer to him. Damn, he smelled so damn good. The right mix of clean soap and cologne. He wasn’t the type to take a bath in it.

“Wrong, wrong, and wrong,” you said. He tugged on your braid again. You scrunched up your face, pretending to be upset. He grinned. 

“I’m Tyrone,” he said. He held out his hand.

You introduced yourself and took his hand. He shook it but refused to let go. Instead he pulled you closer and kissed your cheek. 

“I got to worry about someone comin’ to fight me over your pretty ass?” He asked. 

“No!” You said with a laugh. 

“Good, because I ain’t trynna catch a body over you,” he whispered in your ear, sending shivers from the top of your head to the tip of your toes. Murder was not a sexy subject. And yet…

“Now sir, who said I even want to entertain you?” You asked. You sipped your drink. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of his. 

He smirked and leaned in again. “Bet. Let me see them panties, then,” he said. He studied your body: your thick thighs, tummy, and chubby cheeks.

Shit. You laughed and ran your tongue over your teeth. There was a damp spot in your panties growing by the second. You desired this man. You were actively lusting after him. Everything in your head told you to walk away. He was trouble with a capital T. A verified hood nigga. 

You grinned and took his hand, weaving in and out of people grinding on the dance floor. Tupac and Dre blasted through the speakers. Red solo cups were high in the air as people showed out. 

You caught the eye of your best friend and waved. She noticed that you were holding Tyrone’s hand and she grinned, tapping her fist against the wall she leaned on. A man stood beside her with his hand on her waist. Both of ya’ll wasn’t making it home early tonight. 

You tugged Tyrone towards the stairs. Everyone had converged into the basement with the strict promise not to disturb upstairs. That was already out of the window as multiple people were on the first level making out. But you wanted to do more than make out.

You pulled him deeper into the house, heading towards an empty bedroom. You checked the room and there was no one in it. Tyrone pushed you in and locked the door behind him. He turned on the light and grinned at you.

“Not so good, are you?” He asked. He pulled you closer. His warm hands circled your waist and pulled you flush against him, you could feel his thick cock against your thigh.

“Oh shit,” you gasped. 

He chuckled. “You tappin’ out?” He asked. 

Fresh arousal gushed out of you and you bit back a moan. “I want you,” you said. Your body was on fire from how much you wanted him. 

As if that’s what he was waiting on, he crashed his lips against yours. His sexy brown lips kissed and sucked your bottom lip. He pushed his tongue inside. You tasted the Henny on his breath and moaned. You grabbed onto the sleeves of his flannel, needing something to hold on to.

He pushed you backwards as he continued to kiss you. The back of your legs hit the bed. Instead of pushing you on to it, he turned you around.

“Knees, pretty girl,” he said. 

You dropped instantly. He chuckled as he looked down at you. He ran a hand over his jaw. “You always listen that well?” He asked.

“Only when I want to,” you said and grinned. 

He took off his flannel and black T-shirt and removed his black tank. He worked at his belt, loosening it and pulling the zipper down. His dick sprang free with a light little bounce. You licked your lips.

Dicks were not pretty. Full stop. However, his was gorgeous. It was long and girthy and curved a little bit. The more you stared, the harder he seemed to get. He pumped himself a few times and tapped your lips with it. Precum painted a coat on your lips and you licked it up. 

“Let’s see how good you are,” he said. 

He sat on the bed and you scooted closer, looking at him while you lowered your mouth. You took the tip in first, getting used to the salty taste of him. You flattened your tongue and swirled it around. 

“Stop playin’ and get to work,” he said. You giggled and really got to work. If he wanted to think you were a goody two-shoes, then so be it.

You sucked him in and got to work. You played with his dripping cock. You used both hands to twist as you sucked. Spit ran down his dick and you gathered it up with your fingers to properly lube him up.

“Oh, fuck,” he said. You saw his eyes widen and roll towards the ceiling. He grabbed the back of your head and pushed you down further. You gagged a few times but kept going, licking his fat tip.

“Damn bitch,” he groaned. “Help me bust this nut and I’ll take good care of you.” 

You kept sucking and added more pressure. He jerked a few times. With no warning, hot splashes of cum hit the back of your throat. You swallowed it all and licked the corner of your mouth to catch the rest.

He panted as he watched you do it and his eyes grew darker. “Bed.” 

You stood up, feeling your wetness between your thighs. You walked over to the bed. Before you sat down, he kissed you and bit your lip. “You’re mine.”

You sighed and your pussy clenched around nothing. Those two words were almost enough to undo you. He gripped your hips roughly and pulled at your dress until it was on the floor next to his clothes. Your panties came next. He rubbed it between his fingers once it was off of you.

“And I’m keeping these too.”

“No, you’re not. Those are mine.” The sharp smack to your ass was heard before it was felt. Stinging pain blossomed on your meaty ass. 

You cried out and he did it again. He smacked you a few more times before you were pushing your ass against him for more. He chuckled. When it was clear he wasn’t going to smack you again, you climbed into the bed but you were moving too slow for him. He grabbed your legs and flipped you over like a pancake. Then he yanked you until half your ass was hanging off of the bed.

He knelt down slowly and spread your legs the farthest he could get them. “Pretty fuckin’ pussy too. Yeah, all of this is mine,” he said. His breath fanned over your exposed pussy making you shake.

“You can’t own pussy, nigga,” you said.

This muthafucka bit your thigh. You yelled out. He bit your other thigh, harder. “I’m ‘bout to write my name on it.”

You wanted to argue. As much as you wanted this fool, there was no way in hell…

“Oh god.” You had no breath left in your lungs. Your entire body froze as his tongue began to play with your clit. He lapped up your juices and inhaled it. He ate it like a starving man. Like a nigga just released from jail. 

You began to move away. It was too much and too intense. You pushed at his hands. His tongue dived into your pussy and you moaned and screamed. He locked his arms around your thighs and held you open for him to devour.

As his tongue fucked you, one of his thumbs pressed into your clit. You slapped at his hand. “I’m not stoppin’ so quit that shit,” he growled. You locked eyes with him. His mouth and jaw was covered with your juices. A mix of drool and your arousal dripped from his lips. He licked those same lips as he stared you down. 

You nodded. He went back to eating you out like it was his full time job. He suckled and flicked at your clit. He rubbed his nose in it. Your belly tightened as your orgasm rose up inside of you quicker than it had ever come. You tossed your head back onto the bed as you screamed your release out. He kept eating you out through it.

As you came down, you twitched as he licked one last time. You stared at the ceiling questioning your life’s choices to bring you to this moment. Tyrone chuckled as he cleaned his face off with his tank. 

“You think I’m done with you, bitch?” He asked.

The only thing you could do was half grunt and half laugh. No man was allowed to call you a bitch. And he’s done it twice now and you ain’t even mad.

He helped you sit up further on the bed. Then he laid on top of you, pulling you by the chin to kiss. His tongue swiped against yours in a deep, nasty kiss. As if he wanted you to taste what he did. You tasted yourself on his tongue and it had you moaning and seeking more.

He leaned up on his knees and pumped his dick. “This gon’ hurt, but you’ll be alright.” 

He grabbed your knees and pushed them down against the bed. He ran his thick cock over your clit and gathered up as much lubrication as he could. He slid the tip in and you moaned. “Fuck, Tyrone!” 

He leaned down and kissed you. “My name sounds pretty on your lips. Say it again.”

You refused. There was still an ounce of defiance in you. He slid in some more, stretching you. 

“Shit, shit, shit.” It stung but it also felt too good to tell him to stop. He kissed you again. “Say it.”

“Tyrone, please…” you begged. He kissed you again. “That’s my bitch.”

He kept going. Inch by delicious inch until he bottomed out. He held himself off of you as you adjusted to the sheer size of him. He was easily the biggest you had ever taken and you worried that you would never want anything else. How could anyone compare after that?

He trailed kisses along your jaw and the corner of your mouth. He whispered how pretty you were and how you were his. “So fuckin’ pretty takin’ this dick.”

He kissed and nibbled on your neck until you began to relax. Then, he started moving. He pulled out and then went back in just as slowly. Nigga was a professional at this shit.

As you relaxed and got back to moaning and crying, he sped up his thrusts. “Shit, this pussy feel so good.” He looked down at himself sliding in and out of you. Your arousal gushed out of you, spilling down your ass cheeks. 

He twisted his hips and hit a spot deep inside you. “Oh fuck!” Your hips bucked off the bed. You grabbed at the sheets beneath you. 

“That’s it.” He chuckled as he kept hitting that spot, over and over. One hand gripped your leg to keep you open for him. His other hand pressed down on your belly. The added pressure had you seeing stars.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you stuttered as your second orgasm steamrolled through you. He kept driving into you. 

“Tyrone…” you warned. Though you didn’t know what for. You didn’t want him to stop. Your body felt like it was both buried underground and six feet in the air. Your legs ached from him holding you open but even that managed to feel good.

“You can give me one more,” he said.

“What?” You asked pathetically. Ain’t no fuckin’ way. 

“I want one more,” he growled. He kept pushing his thick cock into you. You tried to speak. To communicate that there was no way you could. 

He only smirked at you. His cornrows were damp with sweat. He quickened his pace and moved his hand from your stomach. His thumb played with your clit.

“Oh, shit, wait,” you moaned. 

“Ain’t no wait. Give me that shit,” he said. In no time at all, you were coming again and squeezing the hell out of his dick. He moaned and panted before pounding into you. He came on a hoarse moan, pushing so deep into you he probably did leave his name there. 

Hot ropes of cum squirted inside of you, painting every inch of wall he could find. He dropped his weight on you as you panted together.

He kissed your cheek. “Goddamn, bitch. I’m never letting you go.” 

You chuckled. Because you weren’t letting his ass go neither.

#Megaminds Secret Files #The Secret Tyrone Files #they cloned tyrone smut #they cloned tyrone fanfic #they cloned tyrone fan fic #Tyrone x Black!reader #Tyrone x Fem!reader #Tyrone x Black reader #Tyrone x Fem reader #Tyrone x reader #Tyrone x you #Black writer

[rachelspazzz]

1, 3, 7, 18, 22, 27, 32, 36, 43, 44 :)

1, 3, 7, 18, 22, 27, 32, 36, 43, 44 :)1. Post a picture of u?Sure :) 3. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?I used to prefer being friends with dudes but I have a nice mix of both now :) 7. What exactly are you wearing right now?EXACTLY, hahaha ok erm: Nike grey and pink sports bra, grey, salmon, and navy blue zigzag patterned cheeksters, black slacks, black vans socks, black skate vans (so professional lol), a grey long sleeve top18. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?yup! It's happened a few times! 22. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?Yes27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?Erm??? My best friend actually 32. Do you like watching scary movies?YES 36. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?yep 43. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?Blushing like a muthafucka 44. What’s the best part about school?Ah this last question makes me so happy. Everything! I'm not even mad at the quizzes/ tests/ Chapter reading. I love all of it. But the BESTEST part THUS FAR: the friendships/ relationship I've built with my classmates. I adore them ❤️