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haiyuta · 5 years

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A - Z | Mingi

Jongho | Wooyoung |

req: Can you do an A-Z for Mingi? Thank you :)

a/n: Sorry this is soooo late I just wanted to get him 100% right and I think I did. So enjoy. This is just my opinion if you have a different one let me know. Hard hours is all the time btw.

A = Aftercare

Mingi gets super relaxed during aftercare and just mellow out. A soft dorky smile on his face as he comes down from his high. He wouldn't do anything special per say not really into "cleaning up" just breathing and enjoying said afterglow. Since he's so chill you can definitely snuggle him.

B = Body part

His favorite body part himself would be his long legs and quite T H I C C thighs. It's his charming point that he's confident in he's tall but knows how to work his height well.

His favorite part on you would be your breast. I think he would be so giggly and love to play with your breast, lay on them and touch them.

C = Cum

Mingi cums its a sight to see. He'll roll his eyes lightly a low moan leaves his mouth as he cums. When he cums he likes cumming on your stomach it might be a little messy but he enjoys the visual of it. During a bj he would cum on your breast rather than your face or mouth.

D = Dirty Secret

A dirty secret of his is he had a wet dream before woke up to cum in his pants. It was really embarrassing and refuses to even mention it to anyone.

E = Experience

In experience wise, I think he has some general experience like touching and stuff but nothing much.

F = Favourite Position

Missionary is simple but the best way he knows how to please you. Likes seeing you under him while he fucks you.

G = Goofy

He is a smiley boy. Just a nice smile will go on his lips in the moment.

H = Hair

Not that groomed likes to keep it generally natural.

I = Intimacy (romantic aspect)

In terms of romance, Mingi tries really hard to be romantic he does get lost in the moment. When he grips your hand and just stops and looks at you that's the moment. He is wordlessly trying to tell you he loves you.

J = Jack Off

One of the many pastimes he likes. Jerks off about twice a week and since he's always busy he has to hurry most of the time.

K = Kink

Switch. A soft dom with soft tendencies like hand-holding, praise and light marking. He enjoys being the dom but will sub if he feels lazy. A whiny sub overall like he loves being teased and allowing you control over him he really likes it.

praise. Just praising him is a big thing for him. Praise his rapping, how he kisses and touches you. Tell him how handsome he is it's amazing how he’ll melt for you.

light roleplay.

light spanking. I can see his large hand spanking you would be really hot to him.

L = Location

Might be vanilla but the bed its a soft place and maybe the couch and you on his lap it's awkward but very adventurous for him.

M = Motivation (turns on)

turn-ons I feel can be anything. He doesn’t have something set that turns him on but like touching his hair or his neck. Maybe giving him quick peck would turn him on.

N = NO (turn offs)

A turn off is doing something that can get him caught by his members. So just don’t like touch him to much cause if he gets a boner while everyone is relaxing he’ll get anxious.

O = Oral

Giving: He’s not very experienced in giving oral but he’s a natural at it. He’ll dive in with want his hot tongue pressing against your slit giving slow and fast licks. Maybe will use his fingers if he knows you like that.

Receiving: Would praise you as you give him the S U C C. Would throw his head back and enjoy when his tip hits your throat. Doesn’t try to be too hard on you but light gagging and just how your throat clenches on him he's done for.

P = Pace

His pace can be slow and fast it depends on the mood he’s in.

Q = Quickie

He’s busy so he’ll be up for quickies anytime.

R = Risk

Mingi is a little shy for risk aspect. The only risk he would be into is lightly tapping your ass or laying his hand on your waist. Vice versus he’ll enjoy if you give him subtle compliments and touch his neck and hair lazily.

S = Stamina

His stamina is okay Mingi can go one really good round and maybe a lazy second round.

T = Toy

Wants to use toys more. Receiving and giving he would want to try new toys like rings, vibrators, and other things. A little shy about using them so he has to gain more confidence in it.

U = Unfair (tease)

Tease him and he's yours. He'll be more of a sub and want to be teased in this aspect. Like give him a handjob, light kitten licks mark him and it’ll tease like crazy.

V = Volume

Can become a moaning mess. His deep voice can get loud if he really let's go but in a cute way really.

W = Wild Card (would he share)

Sharing is an aspect Mingi would be really careful to do. He wouldn't want to do it with anyone that makes him insecure. So someone close to him I feel would be Hongjoong the rapper kinship with his leader I can see him trusting him with you and him. And I think Hongjoong would be open-minded enough to accept the offer.

X = X-Ray

Him being tall really shows how big he is. I see him being one of the biggest in Ateez his length is a solid 6 so I see that he is very proud of.

Y = Yearning

Sex drive is high. He enjoys sex overall and would yearn for you if he’s away from you at concerts and such. Expect needy text messages like “I just want to touch you” “I wish you were in my arms”

Z = ZZZ

Takes some time to fall asleep. He wants to fall asleep when you fall asleep.

#kpop scenarios #kpop smut #ateez scenarios #ateez smut

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ridiculousn3sswrites · 7 years

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The Lounge Singer

*Anthony Ramos x Reader

*Summary: Anthony goes to a networking event with Leslie and is smitten with the lounge singer performing.

*Warnings: None, I think

*A/N: So I wrote this one a bit differently than normal. Btw, the 21 Chump Street fic is in the works rn, for anyone curious about that. I also kind of have an idea for a Sonny (In the Heights) x Reader, and I still need to finish up the next part to Wave (does anyone even remember that story?). THIS TOOK LIKE A WEEK TO WRITE JFC

Anthony didn’t know how he ended up here, dressed up yet still incredibly out of place. That was a lie, he knew exactly how he got into this. Leslie had been invited to some networking event for his music and his wife was busy that night, so he asked around the theater to see if anyone wanted to go with him. Anthony, of course, took up the offer, just so he could have plans. So yeah, Anthony had no right to say he had no idea how he ended up at the event. Anthony had already lost track of Leslie when Leslie got swept away by some manager or something, he actually hadn't been paying attention.

It hadn’t been until the event had been running for about an hour when Anthony spotted a live band setting up, piquing his interest. He scanned the group, eyes landing on a gorgeous, (h/c) haired girl in a black dress talking to a guy setting up his bass. Anthony could have sworn his heart stopped when he saw her throw back her head in laughter at something the guy said. He immediately wanted to approach her, but was stopped by Leslie’s sudden appearance at his side. “Hey, man, I lost you for a second there,” Leslie said, clapping a hand on Anthony’s shoulder. “Those agents seriously get talkative.”

“Yeah,” Anthony mumbled, still watching her interact with the bassist. He could hear Leslie saying something else, but it was just a dull droning noise in his ears at that point. It wasn’t until Leslie started snapping his fingers in front of Anthony’s face that his attention was drawn back to his friend. “Sorry, what?”

“You think she’s just gonna automatically know you wanna talk to her? Go, man, before her set starts,” Leslie teased, nudging him slightly in her direction. “Trust me, she’s nice.”

“Wait, you know her? What’s her name?” Anthony asked, trying to appear nonchalant, but failing. Leslie’s smile told him that he hadn’t been subtle at all, his slight infatuation was already making itself apparent.

“That’s (y/n). She’s one of the youngest people on the scene that I know,” Leslie replied, nudging him again. “It wouldn’t hurt to talk to her.”

“Nah, maybe I sho-” Anthony was cut off by the deep sound of the bass’ first note. His attention was drawn away from Leslie as she shot the bassist a smile before stepping up to the microphone at center stage. She closed her eyes as the band played the starting notes for whatever song she was about to sing. Her slight swaying with the beat made Anthony wonder if she was that way with all music, or if it was just the song.

“You’re gonna want to stop just staring at her and actually listen,” Leslie muttered, eyes softening as his gaze shifted from Anthony to her. As Anthony was about to respond, she started singing.

Her voice caught him off guard. Anthony knew she had to be good, especially if she was performing in a room full of musicians older than her, but the way her voice carried the words throughout the room was indescribable. She made every word sound intimate, like she was letting the room in on a secret that only she knew, not even mentioning the way she held herself on stage. The slight sway had given way to her grasping the microphone stand, eye contact flitting between people in the crowd. Anthony started when her (e/c) eyes met his, her painted lips curling into a smile of her own before looking elsewhere in the crowd. It was almost erotic, the way she performed.

Her set hadn’t lasted long, only six songs, but Anthony knew he needed to meet her. Just as he was about to search the crowd with Leslie, a sweet voice stopped them. “Leslie Odom Jr, I know you aren’t going to sneak out without saying hi.”

“(Y/n), you know I wouldn’t,” Leslie laughed as he turned to face her. Anthony was dumbfounded, she was even more beautiful up close, if that was possible. “We were actually about to go look for you. (Y/n), this is Anthony, we work together on Broadway.”

“Nice to meet you,” she said, her smile blinding. Anthony just stood there before he shook out of it, remembering that he needed to greet her, not just make a fool of himself.

“Yeah, you too. You were great up there,” Anthony replied, fumbling a bit as he felt his face heating up. “Like, your voice, it’s amazing.”

“Aw, thanks,” she told him before turning back to Leslie. “How’s Nicolette doing? I haven’t talked to her in ages.”

“She’s doing great, we all need to get together soon,” Leslie answered. As Anthony wracked his brain for something to say, the bassist she’d been talking to earlier walked up, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. Anthony felt a pang of something (jealousy? Disappointment?) rush through him. Of course she’d have a boyfriend.

“Hey, (y/n). Who’re these guys?” the bassist asked, nodding at Anthony and Leslie.

“This is Leslie and Anthony,” she told him. “Leslie’s an old friend, and Anthony is his friend. Guys, this is Eddie, the new bassist for the group.” Anthony was relieved, because if Eddie was her boyfriend, she’d introduce him that way, right? Anthony knew that he’d probably only have the night to woo her, and he was determined to make that happen. Leslie seemed to notice the shift in Anthony’s attitude, shooting a somewhat sly glance at his friend. The night was definitely going to be interesting.

After the night at the networking event, Anthony had somehow managed to get her number. He guessed that she found his fumbling, blushing self endearing, if not attractive. They’d been texting and calling daily, but their schedules never aligned to see each other. It was either she was in the studio working on her next album, or he was busy with rehearsals or shows. Anthony was texting her during rehearsal when Leslie came up to him, a knowing smile on his face. “That (y/n) again?”

“Yeah, she has some time before her next studio hour,” Anthony replied, not looking up from his phone. He didn’t want to miss anything she was saying, especially since he only had ten minutes to talk to her.

“Has she told you yet?” Leslie asked, making Anthony look up at him, confused. “I’ll take that as a no.”

“No, what’re you talking about?”

“Well, she's coming to a show next week,” Leslie informed him. “I'm using one of my comps on her, so you're welcome.”

“Wait, what?” Anthony asked, slightly panicking. The only plus side about only being able to text her was he couldn't make a complete fool of himself like when they first met. Of course he was excited to see her again, but he'd managed to talk to her somewhat normally when he wasn't looking at her face. “Leslie, why'd you do that?!”

“Because both of you guys keep talking about each other to me and it's getting old,” Leslie said, rolling his eyes.

“Oo, are we talking about (y/n)?” Lin asked as he walked by the two.

“Yeah, she’s coming to see the show next week,” Leslie told him.

“Great! We’ll finally get to meet Anthony’s mystery girl,” Lin said, waggling his eyebrows. Anthony groaned, knowing it was just a recipe for disaster. If anyone caught wind of even the idea that Anthony liked her, they'd do their best to embarrass him more than he'd already manage. He wasn’t sure if he’d mess things up more by asking her not to come, or by letting his cast mates actually interact with her.

“Just, please don’t embarrass me in front of her,” Anthony requested, looking between his friends. When they nodded in agreement, Anthony walked away, looking back down at his phone as he sent her another text. Once he was out of earshot, Lin turned to Leslie.

“Does she have it as bad as him?” Lin asked.

“Definitely, if not worse,” Leslie told him, nodding. “She asks about him a lot when we talk.”

“Looks like we’re going to have to play Cupid here,” Lin replied. “In the name of young love.” Leslie laughed, knowing that it’d be easier to get the two together if he had Lin on his team. If all things went according to plan, Anthony and (y/n) would be together by the end of next week.

Just before the show was about to start, Anthony found himself scanning the crowd to see if he could catch even a glimpse of her. He knew he was just freaking himself out, but he wanted to see if spotting her in the crowd would placate his nerves any. If he knew where she was sitting, then he’d know where to look during the end of A Winter’s Ball and curtain call. And, if Lin had anything to do with it, her seat would probably end up somewhere in the front, Anthony was sure of it. Just as he was about to give up, Anthony spotted her. She was dressed in a red dress, a stark contrast from the black dress he’d first seen her in. She was chatting with the person next to her, eyes bright with laughter.

“Places,” the stage manager called, jerking Anthony out of his reverie. He smiled to himself as he took his spot, determined to put on the best performance he could possibly give just for her. Throughout the show, Anthony kept peeking over at her, trying to gauge her reactions to the show. She was completely enthralled, and during the Laurens interlude, Anthony could have sworn he saw her crying. It took everything in him not to crack a small smile when he saw that, but to know that she’d been moved by his performance as Laurens was satisfying. Anthony was achieving his goal for the night, and he knew he had to completely kill it as Philip too.

By intermission, word spread of Anthony’s crush being at the show. He faced endless teasing, along with Daveed’s light-hearted ‘steal your girl’ jokes. They did nothing to curb his enthusiasm, though. Before he knew it, the show was already coming to an end. When it came time for curtain, Anthony looked out at the crowd to see her wiping tears from her eyes once again. Once she noticed he was looking at her, she gave him a small wave. Anthony’s heart swelled, shooting her a proud smile.

Anthony rushed to get out of his costume, knowing Leslie had already sent someone to invite her backstage. When he got back, he saw her gushing about the show to Lin, eyes bright with excitement. “Hey, (y/n)!” Anthony called, unable to stop smiling.

“Anthony!” She called back, bidding Lin a quick goodbye before rushing up to hug Anthony. “Oh my gosh, that was so good! I cried both times you died, you were freaking amazing. I can't believe I was going to do a pop up show instead of coming to this, I'm so glad Leslie called me before I announced it.”

“Knowing you, you already planned another one tomorrow,” Leslie laughed, startling the two as he walked up.

“I mean, you’re not wrong,” she replied, hugging Leslie. “Seriously, the show was so good. You guys were amazing. I’m actually having a pop-up show tomorrow, you guys should come if you can make it.”

“We’re in,” Leslie answered without hesitation for the both of them. “We're not performing tomorrow, so just tell us the time and place.”

“Sure thing, guys,” she said, bright smile finding its way back on her face. She was about to say something to Anthony, but her attention was quickly drawn away. “Hold up, is that Oak? He was amazing,” she muttered, looking off to the side. Before Anthony even processed it, she had pressed a kiss to his cheek and ran off to talk to Oak.

“Did that just?” Anthony mumbled, trailing off as he pressed his fingertips where she kissed him.

“You’re in, my friend,” Leslie laughed, clapping a hand on Anthony’s shoulder. Anthony watched her as she flitted about the backstage area, talking to everyone there. Leslie took Anthony’s shock as an even better sign, and moved his mental plan for the two up by a few days. This would definitely be easier than he thought.

Anthony was buzzing with excitement as he waited for her set to start. She was performing at a small lounge-type place, with only maybe 70 people in the room. Anthony and Leslie were sat near the bar, Leslie trying to make conversation while Anthony essentially ignored him. Anthony looked around the room, observing the types of people that went to her show. There was a small group of teenagers near the stage, a group of older men by the bar, but mostly people around his age waiting for her to start.

“You know that’s not going to make the show start sooner, right?” Leslie asked, finally getting Anthony’s attention.

“Doesn’t hurt to try,” Anthony laughed. Just as Leslie was about to say something, Anthony shushed him, eyes drawn back to the stage as she walked up. “Shut up, she’s starting.”

“Yeah, I have eyes,” Leslie replied, turning his attention to her. She looked out at the crowd, scanning the faces. When she saw Leslie and Anthony, her smile widened as she waved at them. Leslie could tell the gesture was more for Anthony than him, her excitement practically rolling off of her.

“Hey, guys. So, before I start, last night I went to see something you might’ve heard of. Anyone here familiar with Hamilton?” She joked, looking at the crowd near the stage. The teens made sounds of agreement, somewhat nervous about interacting with her. “Yeah, I thought so. Anyways, my friends Leslie and Anthony are in it, and Leslie got me a ticket. It was seriously amazing, so I just had to stay up all night and arrange this little piece to perform tonight. By the way, I was going to have this show yesterday, but Leslie invited me, so blame him for me pushing the show back. Or thank him, who knows?”

As the crowd laughed, the band started playing a song that was all too familiar to Anthony. After all, he had to sing three different versions of it every show. The way she sang it appeared to be a mixture of the Laurens Interlude and the original version of The Story of Tonight, making it something all her own. Anthony watched with rapt attention, knowing he’d never be able to perform it again without thinking of her. When she was finished, there was loud applause, Anthony most likely being the loudest of them all. She blushed, quickly looking down before continuing her show.

When the set was over, again being a short one, Anthony rushed up to her, despite his best efforts to not appear too excited. She was talking with the group of teens, joking about something when he got there. “Hey, (y/n), you were great,” Anthony told her, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Thanks! I’m glad you liked it. I didn’t butcher your song too bad, right?” She joked, smile turning somewhat nervous.

“Not at all, I won’t be able to sing it without thinking of you now,” Anthony replied, silently admonishing himself for actually saying what he was thinking aloud.

“I actually kind of need to talk with you, meet me in the hall when I’m done here?” She suggested, nodding her towards the people waiting to meet her. Anthony agreed, making his way to the exit while she began making her rounds with the fans. He saw her talking to Leslie briefly, a light blush dusting her features as he talked. Anthony left then, pacing up and down the hall as he waited for her. He couldn’t think of anything that’d warrant him being nervous, save for the possibility she somehow found out about his little crush and was trying to let him down gently.

Just as Anthony’s mind was about to delve deeper, she opened the door to the hall, slipping out and shutting it gently behind her. “Hey,” Anthony said lowly, coming to a stop near her.

“Hey,” she nearly whispered, a small smile on her lips.

“So, uh, what’d you want to talk about?” Anthony stuttered slightly, trying not to let his nervousness show.

“Listen, I kinda really like you and I know that’s weird since we’ve only met in person like three times even though we text each other a lot and I don’t even know if you have a girlfriend. You know what, this is stupid, I shouldn’t’ve-” Anthony pressed his lips to hers, interrupting her rambling. He did it without thinking, just feeling like it was the right thing to do. He panicked for a second when she didn’t kiss back, and just as he was about to pull away, she seemed to snap out of a trance. She kissed him, tentatively at first, growing more insistent until finally they needed to break for air. “So, I’m guessing you like me too?” She joked.

“Yeah, you could definitely say that,” Anthony laughed, kissing her again.

“Aw, that’s so cute. I didn’t even need to get Lin to help me meddle,” Leslie spoke up from the door, startling the new couple.

“How long have you been standing there?” She asked, a deep blush covering her face at having been caught.

“Long enough,” Leslie replied with a shrug. “I just wanted to let you know I’m leaving, stay safe, you two.” Her and Anthony just stood there, still trying to process what had happened as they watched Leslie leave.

“Wait, did he just say that Lin knew?” She asked, looking up at him.

“Yeah, apparently I wasn’t all that subtle,” Anthony told her. “What can I say? You’re amazing, (y/n).”

“You’re adorable,” she laughed, pressing another quick kiss to his lips. “I need to get back in there, maybe we can hang out afterwards?”

“Yeah, definitely,” Anthony smiled, watching her go. As soon as he was sure she couldn’t see him, he pumped his fist, celebrating silently. He’d gotten the girl he didn’t think he could, and with little intervention from his friends. Now he just needed to figure out what to do for their first unofficial date.

#anthony ramos x reader #hamcast imagine

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ficdirectory · 7 years

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Disuphere (An AU Fosters family fic) Chapter 46

CHAPTER 46

On Monday, Jesus’s world got turned on its head for the second time since he’s been “safe.” There have been other times, of course. Times as a really little kid with his birth mom, where she’d be high and there wasn’t enough food. Where they got locked out of the house. Or left in the empty one. There were the foster homes, so many Jesus had lost count. Each one slowly weakening his ability to trust.

Then there were the Fosters. (The Adams Fosters, eventually, when marriage was finally legal for his moms.) But back then they were just the Fosters. Jesus remembers Stef - meeting her at the police station - where he and Mariana had been dropped off by the latest foster parents who “couldn’t take care of them anymore.” Even at five, Jesus had thought how scary it was that no grown ups could take care of them. How scary it was to be responsible for his sister all on his own.

Stef and Lena, though. They changed everything. They were the first adults that proved they could take care of Jesus and Mariana. Three intense years in the foster system, living with Moms, and being bounced back to Ana when she tried to get clean, and they were finally adopted at eight. At nine, Jesus got in That Car and at thirteen had to start all over again with the bonding and the trusting.

All for what?

So Callie could creep on him and take pics while he didn’t even know she was doing it? Moms didn’t even know what she’d been up to? How could Jesus ever trust them again? How could he trust his family to keep him safe, when all this time, that was an illusion?

He doesn’t want to think about it too deep. Besides, that’s what therapy’s for. He’s been yesterday and today. Trying to rebuild and work through everything. At least he can still trust the office, the process and Dr. H. It’s the only reason he comes out of his room. Because he knows he needs it. But he’s not ready to talk about Callie. Or look at her. Or see her.

Even just hearing her talk to Jude about how she’s in “the biggest trouble of her life” makes him feel a strange mix of violated and vindicated. What she did was so bad. He feels gross even thinking about it. So, hell yeah, she should be be punished. Losing her phone should be the least of her problems, but right now, it sounds like it’s the biggest.

Jesus knows she’s faced real loss. Jude, too. For all of Jesus’s awful trauma anniversaries, Callie and Jude lost their birth mom. Their birth dad was driving the car, drunk. Brandon told him about it once. The day was awful for them.

But trauma doesn’t excuse this. Nothing excuses this.

Jesus hears it, the minute Mariana arrives. It’s hard not to. Even when she’s trying to be quiet, she makes an entrance.

...Except this time, she doesn’t.

He can see her, silhouetted by the light down the hall. She has blankets. A pillow. Her backpack. It’s like she’s moving in. And it makes him feel secure, except:

“Did you know?” he asks, hoarse.

The day’s coming back to him - the moments he lost and the words he was screaming - he’s starting to remember. It’s like rocks weighing him down to the bottom of a river. How Mama had sent Frankie from the room to call Mom. How Callie and Mariana had come in, and Jesus had rushed at them, shoving Callie all the way back against a wall, until Brandon intervened, dragging Jesus away. Frankie crying. Him screaming, “I trusted you,” at Callie. At the family. Because he had. He’d trusted them. Now, he just doesn’t know.

“No,” Mariana says. “Why do you think I’m out here for the third night in a row?”

“I don’t know,” he admits. He feels close to blank, but he can’t be blank when he’s talking to Mariana.

“I’m here because I’m on your side. Because I’m your backup. Because I’m mad for you…”

“Then why are you crying? If you’re mad?” Jesus asks. It’s subtle, her crying. He wouldn’t know she was actually doing it, except her voice got thick. It’s not how she used to cry, he realizes. She’s adapted for him.

“Because, if you hurt, I hurt. That’s kinda the way it works,” she snaps. “And I should have known what she was doing. I should have asked more. Made her tell me. Because her doing that hurt you so much. You not trusting her carries over to the rest of us. We all let you down, Jesus.”

“Not if you really had no idea,” he manages. Jesus crawls over, like the slug he feels, and reaches through the beads for Mariana’s hand.

She takes it, tentative.

They just stay like that - her lying out in the hall, him in his room - separated by a curtain of beads. He lets go, and she moves.

She’s going.

His heart sinks. He feels totally alone. Stares at the stars on his ceiling. It’s fine. He’s used to being alone. So, he just thinks for a while. Mostly about those damn pictures. Mariana was right. What happened did hurt him. It set him back. He thinks about the pictures he hates, and then one nudges the corner of his mind. Jude, around ten years old, watching Jesus at thirteen.

Seeing that picture, he honestly doesn’t know how he could have ever thought that Jude and Jacob looked like each other. Hair color, yeah, and maybe their height at first. But Jude was sturdier. So much more confident. And there was another major difference:

Outside of that first day, Jacob never thought Jesus was going to hurt him. But in the picture Callie took (Christmas of 2011, when everybody was finally together again) Jude looked guarded. Afraid.

How had Jesus missed something so obvious?

Jesus hears it in his head - the words Jude had just spoken earlier tonight - in the hall with Callie:

At least he didn’t pull a knife on you.

Had Jesus ever apologized? Ever tried to make that right? Because if Callie’s trauma isn’t an excuse for her to systematically destroy three years of safety, security and trust, then his was never an excuse to scare his little bro.

Little bro.

It feels wrong to think it, and right at the same time. Jude’s not Jacob and he shouldn’t be worried about what Jesus is gonna do. So, maybe he’ll talk to Dr. H. about Jacob some...and maybe he’ll talk to Jude, eventually. He’s not responsible for Callie’s choices.

He hears the beads again and glances over. Sees the entire box of Cheez-It crackers, outlined by the hall light, and a letter.

This whole time, Mariana’s been writing to him. Emotion closes his throat but he clears it.

“Thanks,” he whispers. He flips on the light, unfolding the paper and reading:

Jesus,

I don’t know what to say right now, but if my letters help you even the smallest bit, why wouldn’t I write you?

Maybe because I’m embarrassed? Maybe because you’ve always taken such good care of me and I feel like I am sucking at returning this totally vital thing.

Maybe because I’m guilty. You really are the best brother ever. You always protect me. You always have. But I can’t reciprocate. When I could have helped you, I didn’t. And I can’t forgive myself for that.

Okay, this letter is getting seriously depressing. You said you liked hearing stories about when we were little, right? Well, I remembered one.

It was Mama’s birthday That Year. So pretty much right before. Moms were at work and Brandon was in charge. He’d just turned eleven, like, two days before. But he thought being in charge meant bossing us around, and that he got to call Aidan to help him babysit us. They got distracted (of course) mangling a poor bee on the back patio...and while they were busy you may have locked them out. (Front and back doors.)

I decided that we were in charge and we were gonna bake Mama a cake. From scratch. IDK why I was so opposed to boxed cake mix, but I was determined. I thought baking a cake must be kinda like baking cookies. You climbed on a chair and got a super old cookbook down. We destroyed the kitchen, Jesus. It was so bad. Technically, we weren’t allowed to use the oven, but I was sure Moms would make an exception if they knew we were using it to bake a cake for Mama.

Amazingly, we didn’t burn the house down. The cake turned out. Like, it baked. But it looked weird. Then you found like three different frostings in the cupboard and wanted to use them all to frost the cake - and we were in a rush because we didn’t want Moms to come home to Brandon and Aidan locked outside and us using the oven.

So, you frosted the cake with oven mitts on, because the pan was still hot. All the frosting kept melting off and you just kept saying how it was a good thing we were using all of them - vanilla, chocolate and cream cheese frosting BTW.

Long story short we got the cake done and hid it in the refrigerator. But Moms came home to a destroyed kitchen and we were almost grounded forever. But then you were like, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAMA! WE MADE YOU A CAKE!”

Mom took it out and set it on the table. Mama cut herself a piece right then...and ate it! (The cake looked seriously weird, Jesus. She should not have eaten it.) But we were so proud and she hugged us and said it was the best cake ever.

That’s how much she loves us, Jesus.

She ate our scary-gross-made-by-nine-year-olds cake.

She still does, you know? She loves you. She just didn’t know what Callie was doing. None of us did. And if you can forgive me for not knowing, try to forgive her, too.

Mari

Before Jesus does anything else, he folds the letter back up and tucks it with the other one inside his wallet. Then, he reaches through the beads again, for her hand, not really looking at what he’s doing.

“Yes. Hello,” Mariana says. It’s muffled. Jesus peeks through the beads. His huge hand is totally against her face.

“...Kinda like your hand, but different…” he mumbles, embarrassed. He pulls away. And just like that, there’s her hand through the beads.

“I don’t know, you know?” he admits.

“Yeah,” she says softly. “It’s a lot. But I won’t push you, okay?”

“You don’t have anything to feel embarrassed or guilty about BTW. You’re here for me the way I need you to be. That matters.” He squeezes her hand.

She grimaces but he can see it. “Sorry. Too hard?” he asks, glancing at their hands.

“No, it’s my stupid stomach.”

“Guilt gut?” He means it as a joke, but when she doesn’t answer, Jesus thinks maybe he’s onto something. “You can tell me about it. I didn’t mean to shut you down just now, I just meant that I’m not holding a grudge against you or anything like that.”

Silence.

“Will you tell me about it? Sometime?” he asks softly.

“Yeah…” she echoes. Sometime.”

They fall asleep, still holding hands.

It’s the first time in three nights he doesn’t wake up with nightmares.

#fic: disuphere #fosters fic

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