#BUT IS NEARLY 6 AM SO IM JUST GONNA LEAVE IT AT THAT | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thegeminisage · 8 months

Text

ok, now that i've watched all of tos (none of the movies yet...) i am going to do the top ten worst and best episodes, according to Me. they are as follows:

WORST EPISODES

10. the savage curtain - idk who thought putting abe lincoln in a cage match with the vulcan version of ghandi against like, ghengis khan and space hitler would be a good idea. but it wasn't. i did like seeing the vulcan father of logic though like "im gonna go sacrifice myself for peace" ok king

9. i, mudd - all of the mudd episodes are bad. he's not charming at all whatsoever. however, this one is better than the other one because uhura gets to pretend to sell out kirk and they're SOOO cute about it. her little giggle when he PICKS HER UP BY HER SHOULDERS and tells her how proud he is. PLEEEEASE

8. charlie x - the entire premise of this episode is that the bad guy is just autistic. and then they make him live on a planet without people because he can't adjust to normal life ???

7. shore leave - obvious racism of this episode aside, the faux-irish jig that played while kirk was being menaced by his extremely unfunny old bully nearly drove me over the edge. we DO love a good mccoy death fakeout tho

6. a piece of the action - if i had any interest in gangster films before this it's all gone now. that being said. i loved when kirk drove the little car. he was so bad at it. he was so happy.

5. mudd's women - like he's literally just selling women?? and the plot twist is that secretly they're ugly?????

4. who mourns for adonias - this is just "what if ALIENS build the pyramids bro" except for the 1960s. nail in the coffin for this one was kirk proudly declaring they didn't needs gods - because they already had the One God, thank you very much!

3. the paradise syndrome - WHY WOULD YOU HAVE NATIVE AMERICANS MISTAKE KIRK FOR GOD. WHY. like i know why but Why. i think the very worst part of this episode was that it had an amnesia plot that would have FUCKED if you had simply removed the people. if there hadn't been people in this it would've been in my top 10 episodes. i think this broke me.

2. the omega glory - this is the same as the last episode except there's no amnesia, and also the "native americans" are white cosplayers who worship the american flag and mistake kirk for god because he can recite the pledge of allegiance yes really. if i had a nickel for every time this happened i'd only have two nickels etc etc at least kirk didn't knock anybody up in this one ig

1. patterns of force - why would you make your two jewish leads wear swastikas and then literally be whipped by nazis. i know he's such a bad person but not even william shatner deserves that. number one worst episode everyone says it's omega glory but it's this one

BEST EPISODES

10. plato's stepchildren - this episode is hard to rank because like it's both good and bad. the torture scenes were genuinely upsetting, especially the ones at the end w/ spock & nurse chapel, because they weren't just violence being inflicted on tied up guys, but they were SUPPOSED to be upsetting, like it was literally the point. and also this episode bears the distinction of THEEE kirk & uhura kiss. literally historic.

9. the trouble with tribbles - i feel like everyone's heard of this but it really is as good as everyone says. sometimes 1960s humor doesn't translate to 2020s humor but it was genuinely hysterical start to finish. also, the distinct trilling sound was so imprinted in my brain i recognized it in the 2009 movie where i had never registered it before.

8. the naked time - aside from the KING SHIT george takei pulled with the fencing this episode also contains the "i am in control of my emotions [sobbing]" moment and kirk & spock LITERALLY having a slapfight. this episode has everything. an absolute masterpiece

7. the empath - i feel like this paired with "the world is hollow and i have touched the sky" really made me a Bones Understander. i feel a little bad about that bc everyone says the characterizations in s3, or actually that the season as a whole, is kinda shaky? but i watched without knowing that and i feel like i Get It now. also, this was the only score i went and relistened to on spotify

6. tholian web - the spock & mccoy episode ever. there's so many things to say about this from the death fakeout to kirk's little space suit but what TRULY got me was the instant and totally nonverbal agreement to lie straight to kirk's face to both preserve personal dignity and troll the shit out of him (while chekov and sulu are like also silently laughing as they listen in no less). what this episode made me realize was that it's a good thing they argue all the time and make kirk play referee because if they were on the same side kirk wouldn't stand a chance. like he'd be finished.

5. the city on the edge of forever - ok, so, this episode made me feel like i was having a mental break. the time travel. spock's little hat. when he watches kirk kiss edith and then goes back into their room to pretend he didn't see anything. mccoy and kirk basically hugging at the end when edith bites it.

4. requiem for methuselah - the first time i watched this i was kinda like :/ because how does kirk fall in love with a woman in FOUR HOURS? that aside the ending scene blew my tits clean off. i paced around my house for like 30 minutes going "what the FUCK was that" because i couldn't simply lie down and sleep after seeing it. rewatching the episode with uh. new context made me like it a little better. but even if it had been garbage the last scene shook me so thoroughly it would still need to be on this list. i'm getting wound up just thinking about it. number one most shocking tos moment.

3. the dagger of the mind - look, i understand that this episode was technically just run-of-the-mill stuff as far as everybody else is concerned but they put james t kirk in a little brainwashing machine. and the machine was shaped like a chair. and it gives people amnesia sometimes. i don't know how i'm expected to behave normally

2. this side of paradise - this is the episode where a flower jizzes on spock and gives him feelings. and look: it's really funny, and there's a lot to love about it. but the ending where kirk hurls verbal abuse at spock for a solid 92 seconds WITHOUT STOPPING followed by: spock beating the shit out of him until he gets his logic back. i have rewatched this perhaps 1,000 times at minimum. what the fuck were they doing

1. conscience of the king - this episode got me into this mess. i don't think i can elaborate further without significant self-incrimination. let's just say what happened was i thought "oh i'll just watch this one tos episode for context for the fanfiction" and one month later i'm writing fic about [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT

ok, that's my list. i thought about doing honorable mentions for episodes that had scenes i liked even though the overall episode didn't make it into my top 10. but then i realized that would mean recapping basically the entire series and this post is already too long. i do have to give the pon farr episode a shoutout though because even though so much of it was offputting there was literally a titty window in kirk's shirt. like, it's the pon farr episode. ok NOW i'm done

#personal #star trek blogging #i feel like if i hadn't wanted people to dox that fic i could've been blogging about this all along #in some ways it was more fun to keep a lid on it but i will miss having a record of my live first impressions that i can relive later......#hence a list. and also a spreadsheet but i just made it for me and cathy it would be incomprehensible to the general public #if anyone wants an ACTUAL skip/watch list for tos hit me up #i'll clean up the one i have to match the spn one lol #tos lb #liz's star trek stuff #liz's meta #kinda.

37 notes · View notes

safetyobstacles · 5 months

Text

starting o segredo na floresta now, im either gonna finish this in a week or its gonna take months good luck me

update - i love joui

joui, its a little cloudy out, roll for sanity. joe, you stubbed your toe, roll sanity. joui did you just frown???????? roll a sanity test with disadvantage. that was cool joui, you gain 1 sanity. just kidding somewhere in the netherlands a child tripped and scraped their knee, you lose 10 sanity.

i think im going to put my updates under the cut instead of spamming posts B) beware of spoil

UPDATE

if cellbit takes liz or thiago from me ill never forgive him

this bar has to be its own paranormal entity, thiago would have died if the gun had a bullet in it and cristopher nearly got knifed to death in their first fight loll

EP 2

npc thiago about to be the most useless mf ever i swear if he dies to a stray ant or something ill cry just put him in a box for safe keeping

what would i do without the mental image of joui dropkicking every monster he sees

liz why are you finger painting with the ooze monsters remains and why did it give you 1 hp ?????? NEVERMIND

EP 3

RACCOON bro has 8 health but he sure is happy

faz um teste de sanidade

when i said thiago was gonna die to an ant i didnt actually mean kill him with giant spiders

cristopher no please dont climb a tree these are spiders they can climb nah bro cristopher is dead af im gonna miss him. bro cellbit just kill him already bros dead 2 hp

damn

ep 4

at this rate luba doesnt even need to roll sanity we all know hes gonna fail anyways joui's having the worst two days of his life

jesus christ i just woke up i cant handle this shit cesar's punching a hole in my itty bitty heart bones

please stop talking about leticio's cacetinho

EP 5 how long is too long for a tumblr post btw

the starting soon screen replaced cris with arthur notlikethis

cellbit is far too happy about them going to this house i hate it i hate it

i would like for them to leave a casa now :))) they got gregório time to go :) DAMN JOUI JUST GOT STEAMROLLED BY THAT ZOMBIE ROLLED A 99 VS CELLS 1 jesus christ thiago LOL NO WAY GREGÓRIO IS DEAD AF bro was just taking a nap in the car and this is what he gets

that was horribly stressful its 3 am how am i supposed to sleep after that

to be fair, if i was rodolfo and liz didnt use the tazer, i would have just dragged gregório in front of arthur and killed him in right in front of his face soo...

ROLLED 100 LOOOOOOOOOOOOL a caverna

COOL GUY ALERT HOPE HE DOESNT KILL BRULIO HAHAhahaaa

EP 6 I HAVE GREAT ANXIETY THIS MESTRE GUY IS ABOUT TO KILL HALF THE SQUAD

luba i know youve been rolling absolute dog shit the last 5 episodes but this one really counts buddy brulio :(

most stressful hour of youtube ive ever sat through i cant believe they all lived

A PORTA FORTE

EP 7 im so glad they're going back to the house im so happy ive never wanted anything else this is great nothing could go wrong in this house nothing

7 episodes in and ive just now realised that he keeps talking about circles and spirals and those have significance with a certain element and now i want them to leave carpazinha go back home forget this ever happened

undressing with the homies in the haunted basement next to a dead old man

not thiago canonically talking to a bookshelf after complaining about joui's whispering to his shotgun

THIS GRAVE IS SO COMPLICATEDDDD I BET ITS FUCKING EMPTY THEYRE ARGUING ABOUT HOW TO "knock out" AN OLD LADY AND ITS PROBABLY JUST WORMS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE GRAVEEE

this whole graveyard scene has me in tears thiago staring at nothing while they try to get him to unmute, old guy on the phone, joui picking up the old lady i just laughed so hard i feel ill

the one time joui doesnt fail a roll he loses 6 SANITY?? 8 SANITY?????????????? SENHORA VOCE TA BEM????? YOU JUST CHOKED HER OUT JOUI WAIT SHES GONNA DIE??????????? SHES GOING TO DIE???????????? THE GASOLINE IN THE MOUTH??

grounded from the shotgun for 1 week

EP 8

Thiago's pants are still fucked up from last episode btw

about to have a tpk over alchohol poisoning

if cesar survives this campaign hes gonna put as many points possible into forgery

a caverna im goign fuckign crazy the god of tdeath pr spomething is in this cave theyre gonna walk inside trip on a pebble and get eaten by hundreds of tiny cave beetles

Victor is absolutely about to get his face eated by a spider and/or be swallowed by the cave

ok but santo berço looks kinda cool like i would live there

EP 9 he just (re?)released osnf merch but i refuse to be spoiled by absolutely anything ive done so well i will not be tainted by cesar's really cool green on black long sleeve

wait i love the gatekeeper its a shame this town is probably a hallucination and theyre all actually slowly dying in the middle of the forest GIANT COWS I LOVE THE GIANT COWS WITH REGULAR SIZED HEADS

????????????????????????????????FELPS??????????????????????

buttery butter

thiago this is why you should have quit smoking

?????FELPS?????????

EP 10 so if thiago hadnt used the lighter would felps still be alive, probably just would have died later B)

bro joui has got to buy new dice this is crazy

this is gonna be the average 2 star motel experience BRO JUST DABBED ON CESAR liz is about to get bodied by the hallway ghosts this is just like a regular motel HUH UHHHHHHH

no joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy

mom i want to go home i dont want to stay in santo berço anymore jesus christ

EP 11 how am i supposed to just start the next episode after that i think the mental image of brulio beating arthurs skull in is burned into my brain space

sandwich sandwich

i love the giant cows so much i want one GIANT CHICKEN LAY GIANT EGG I LOVE THE GIANT CHICKEN intimidating the human sized pig

EP 12 still thinking about how cellbit thought new zealand was so close to europe, he was so sure of it that he was making me unsure of where i knew new zealand was

both times thiago was played by cellbit some horrific shit happened so with arthur being an npc this episode im prepared for the worst also this starting soon screen is fucking wicked

are you telling me joui's max sanity is now 12 bros been losing it for so long hes stuck like this joui is the "damn, you live like this?" meme

CELLBO ROLEPLAYED TOO HARD HIS HEADSET JOINED AS AN ENEMY AND BEAT HIS SETUP

"that sounds like a book title" bro let the intrusive thought win

baby nidere

no way the cow has been suffering this whole time ill cry

theyre about to rp their way into an angry medieval mob when they get found with the body of the dead gatekeeper B) does santo berço have dungeons, bc if they do thats where theyll be sleeping tonight nvm the gatekeeper has demons inside him sorry joui HUh no way they killed the gatekeeper dude wtf

EP 13 chat's a bit excited to go in the cave guys if anyone reads this what am i supposed to do once i finish this season. what do you mean i just have to go onto desconjuração. what do you mean i have to leave this story behind. please let me keep all the characters in this one.

THE CAVE MAP IS COOOOOOL THE LIGHT MOVES WITH THE MINER everyone struggling to flip their characters 5 mins into the cave made me laugh so hard i had to pause to breathe

I LOVE MOLES DUDE THEYRE SO COOL ok but i dont love this many moles BRO I LOVE MOTHS TOO THIS IS AWESOME wait no i hate bats THIS MOTH IS SUFFERINGGGGG

THE SUCC hes about to kill them all with the Succ out of spite thiago never mock one of cellbit's monsters again ARTHUR ZIUM

door door door door door door door door door door the gatekeeper is alive???

ih arthur nah dude let go of cesar :(((((((((((( gotta hand it to arthur hes survived two of these situations now get it, hand it to him, CAUSE HE LOST HIS FUCKING ARM WTF HIS ARM DETATCH LIKE A LEGO sorry i vote we still kill the gatekeeper just in case just to be safe

EP 14 did cellbit have a past traumatic experience with a vacuum is that why he created the Succ

agatha?????? bro agatha's life sucked big pp

every time cellbit says hes excited for something i grow more afraid

if they kill and eat the gatekeeper would he also taste delicious just wondering

i think i might know the reason why 12 sanity joui has a funky grey form but 55 sanity thiago doesnt, but maybe im crazy nevermind thiago had the funky grey within him this whole time wait does that mean hes gonna die if santo berço dies DAMN

joui just really wants to see thiago naked also hes just blatantly stealing arthur's knife he really is losing all his sanity that was possibly the most unconvincing "nada" ive ever heard

EP 15 before i start a new episode i always go to the vod on twitch and watch the memes first so i can go "hehe" for five minutes, and then go "oh no" for the next 4 hours

hypothetically, if joui managed to get the symbol on him before anyone noticed would he have just lost all 12 of his sanity and gone mad cuz that would have been crazy :,)

this is it cellbit is finally going to kill npc thiago joui is so very happy about his shotgun i thought maybe he was getting better but hes whispering to it again

alright whats up with cellbit and the outwards opening doors because i swear i have never seen a door that opens out instead of in, are all the doors like that in his home these doors are made to have creatures attack from inside ih i just checked like 3 times to make sure i was on the right episode lmaoooo

"pobre martha" DAAAAAAMN MARIANA ICE COLD

one buff woman vs all 3 equipe kelvin who will win (1 woman) crazy that equipe kelvin managed to accomplish what took our group 9 episodes to get to lool they even got the leticio cacetinho dlc, but they did skip the spider boss fight and the entire house level

THE BLACKSMITH IS MIGUEL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

EP 16 the joui, liz, and arthur cosplay look like theyre going to a nice dinner meanwhile thiago, kenan, and cesar just look homeless

idk if thiago's making it out of this one :,) maybe we just take thiago's weapons its not like he can do much to help anyways kenan wants to skin him listen brother i dont think thats gonna work im at the 52 min mark and cellbit is acting sus af the blacksmith is about to appear and stomp them all or something

joui would roll a 99 and nearly knife cesar and liz is trying so hard not to metagame her way to the explosive backpack loving how trigger happy joui is right now go on guys give him more explosives what the worst that could happen

is kenan also a wellspring do they have to kill him cuz thats gonna be kind of awkward and on that note since thiago has the symbol on him does that make him a wellspring too ill cry i will cry

NOT JOUI APOLOGIZING FOR LYING ABOUT HIS SAMURAI ANCESTRY

damn that scene between joui, liz, and thiago was the best in the entire season

i would like to take this moment before they all get swallowed alive by some horrible sludge tentacle monster to proclaim my absolute hatred of Santo Berço. I know i said at the end of episode 8 that i thought it looked cool but im over it ive moved past that point in my life i hate Santo Berço

BIG GOOEY MEATBALL

"the people are happy here!" says the blacksmith as he currently has 5 people forcefully locked up for decades that have gone mad with probably no way of ever regaining their sanity i just realised miguel and the old blacksmith fucked so hard they had a kid

final boss aboutta come crawling out of the meatball please stop trying to skin thiago the symbol isnt gonna come off

THAT WAS SICK AF THEYRE ALL DEAD AS HELL

???????????????????? "kenan you have one last sane move before i take your character and throw him off a cliff"

post i made after i finished osnf (made like 3 days later because i was so so so so so so so so so so sad)

https://www.tumblr.com/safetyobstacles/739056899257942016/i-finished-osnf-after-almost-2-months-and-you-know?source=share

#ordem paranormal #osnf #really excited for this tho #first series got me hype #manteiga na manteiga

15 notes · View notes

tzuyuscloud · 1 year

Note

can i request yuqi and reader dating and being anxious about the members finding out but getting caught by them anyway and having to come out to them? thank you!

For a while now y/n and Yuqi have been sneaking around with each other, ever since they've decided to date. The whole asking out process was funny and cute at the same time. Yuqi kept coincidentally running into y/n at the local coffee shop and one day y/n was in such a rush she bumped into Yuqi spilling her coffee everywhere. But instead of Yuqi getting upset she simply said,

“can I just get your number since we meet like this every-time?” and ever since they’ve secretly hung out until they decided to be together. When Yuqi told y/n about her 6 members she suddenly got nervous, sweaty palms as Yuqi invited y/n over to her apartment.

“its fine y/n I share an apartment with Minnie unnie but she shouldn’t be home right now.” or so she thought. As Yuqi opened the door to the apartment it was quiet. The girls didn’t want to be minimalistic, so there was a splash of color everywhere in their apartment and leave it to Minnie to design every room in the apartment.

“would you like something to drink? We have water, tea, lemonade?” Yuqi offered her shy girlfriend.

y/n looked down at Yuqi who was cutely staring at her with her doe eyes, “water please” she replied. After she got her water, Y/n and Yuqi both were on the couch watching netflix until they heard the door passcode go off. They both turned and looked at each other wide eyed before Yuqi grabbed Y/n’s arm dragging her to her room before closing the door.

as she walked back into the living room Minnie walked into the apartment with Soyeon, and Miyeon not too far behind. “Hey Yuqi whats with the pale face?” Minnie laughed at her roommate.

“two glasses of water? Are you parched or something?” Miyeon asked suspiciously.

Soyeon didn’t help by pointing our the shoes, “who’s shoes are these? Did you get new ones?” Yuqi started nervously laughing and scratching her neck. Her hands were sweating and shaking. “phew it feels like someone turned the heat on in here” she started fanning herself. “I guess Im just sweating from all the cleaning i’ve been doing while Minnie was gone” Yuqi lied straight through her sweat.

“Oh I see. The apartment is cleaner. Well thanks Yuqi” Minnie giggled while placing her keys on the kitchen island and walking off into her room with Soyeon and Miyeon.

Yuqi walked back into her room, cautiously closing the door behind her before letting out a deep breath of relief. “That was a close one-” As Yuqi had sat herself on y/n’s lap, Minnie then knocked on the door. “Yuqi im coming in” she announced not giving Yuqi nearly enough time to hop off of y/n’s lap.

Minnie gasped loud enough for Soyeon and Miyeon to come running to the scene, and Yuqi too embarrassed to move from her position on y/n. “I knew it!” Soyeon smiled mischievously. While Miyeon looked like a proud mother.

“We’ve got to tell Shuhua and Soojin about this.” Soyeon clapped excitedly. “Ahhh Yuqi isn’t gonna be alone for the rest of her life!”

Minnie grinned, giving Yuqi a thumbs up. “Hello Yuqi’s im assuming girlfriend, I am her roommate Minnie. This is Soyeon and Miyeon” she pointed to the other two squealing girls. “We are glad to see you two are happy together” Minnie concluded before taking her leave.

Yuqi finally had the courage to look up at her girlfriend, “welp….our plan of keeping this a secret failed but at least they like you” y/n just laughed at how cute her members was and how adorable Yuqi was when she was embarrassed.

#kpop gg #kpop scenarios #gidle #gidle scenarios #yuqi x reader #yuqi x fem reader

90 notes · View notes

tobiastotoby · 5 months

Text

Chapter 1: Unlikely Allies

The Mojave Wasteland was unforgiving, its scorching sun and treacherous terrain testing even the most resilient souls. The Courier, known as Six, had navigated the dangerous landscape, forging alliances and facing formidable foes. Among those who had joined forces with Six was Arcade Gannon, a former member of the Followers of the Apocalypse.

Their paths crossed at the Old Mormon Fort in Freeside, Arcades first meeting of the courier was unreal to him. Arcade watched as the beat up 6 stumbled into the fort looking for a doctor to help him.

“ Please come sit here sir I can help you!” arcade felt himself shouting out, this handsome rugged beat up man. He didn't understand the call that he felt to him, this wasteland was no different from most just a little more handsome. That couldn't have been it, it couldn't have only been how hot he thought this stranger was. His thoughts ran wild as the man sat down.

“Thank fuck finally someone helps me! I thought everyone was just gonna let me bleed all over the place!” Gannon nearly exploded with this gruff voice spoke, like he was walking whiskey. Gannon just couldn't contain himself; he had to say something smooth to this man in seconds of meeting him; he couldn't help but develop a crush on him.

He hadn't been with anyone in a while.‘What if this goes somewhere?’ He really couldn't stop his mind running with fantasies of this man, what his hands feel like, to be held at night by this man. As he prepped everything to fix him up he asked the normal doctor questions

“What happened to you, and what do you need done? What's your name? And can you please sit still?” Gannon almost felt his voice shake trying to keep himself together.

“OH, so what happened was when i got into freeside is that i was helping the kings with some bounty hunter and they tried to jump us with a tourist trap, also my name is 6, OH, I also got shot in the head a while ago and survived have you seen a checkered suit walking around? He's the guy who got me cause I don't remember anything before that." The rambling was damn near incomprehensible for 6 but Arcade was clearly hooked on everyword.

“Jesus christ, uhm……. I’ll start by patching up your current wounds and give you a round of painkillers. Im Dr Arcade gannon btw well i'm really just a researcher but i can still help you, we’re going to need you to stay overnight yo watch these stitches” gannon couldn't stop imaging them laying together as he said this.

“Stay overnight? Ok fine i can do that but am i sharing a tent with someone. I don't normally share. What if I stay in the hotel, can you come with me? I know they have separate rooms, i’ll pay.” 6’s request almost couldn't be real, the romance novels gannon had scavenged over the years and this only happens in these books.

“Uhm… i can't let you do that, it's a lot of money” Arcade was kicking himself, hard.

“well …….. How about you come with me, travel around and help me out, I could use a smart, tall doctor around, you can travel and help people with me, plus looking at you isn't so bad” 6 was trying to be a smooth as possible, he understood how gannon could help him and even if he was more of a researcher it would hurt to have someone smart on his side. Charming as he was he was never really the sharpest tool in the shed so to speak, this could help balance his team out.

“uhm…..Well if i leave….. And……..” Gannon was looking him back in the eyes, the intensity coming from him he almost felt like he could melt right there, taking a deep breath he thought about it, what really was he doing here as a researcher, all the data he got was often not really what he needed but well mercenaries where his only choice but if he were to go out he might really do something “I'll join you, it could help me do my work, and you’re pretty handsome yourself” Gannon’s voice had almost been sucked out of him.

“SWEET, this is gonna be sick, the rest of the gang is going to love you, Boone, rex, grandma lily, she's so sweet. We are gonna be unstoppable.” 6 was talking about how excited to show him off to his friends, he could feel that this had to become something.

#fallout new Vegas #fallout fanfic #arcade gannon #courier 6 #courier six x arcade gannon #six x arcade

3 notes · View notes

g0sts · 9 months

Note

Guillermo, salmon, coconut, death 🥥

jamie u MENACE droppin all three ask memes at once, come over rq i just wanna talk (talking is code for fist-fighting you on behalf of how long this is gonna be)

(from this ask meme, this other ask meme, and this third one!)

first up Let's Talk About Gyemmo!

My favorite thing about him - he's Nice, sort of, when it benefits him, but he's definitely not A Good Person. he's just like me in that he's got that baby-faced Charm combined with a polite disposition that enamors people to him, but he's ruthless. he's just sweet about it. only this bitch can give up almost everything in his life in pursuit of pure selfishness and then struggle to accept that there's consequences ♥

My least favorite thing about him - mans has got to stop Leaving For Good For Realsies This Time at least once a season (twice in season two!!), he's gonna be the boy who cried Gone For Ever ('whale eyes at the coming finale but pretending i don't see it' voice)

My favorite canon relationship - you know im a nandermo bitch. they make each other worse and they might just turn out better for it. it's like watching two dogs who both want to play but are both just doing the little bow thing bc neither dog is taking the bait to chase so they're just whimpering and pawing at each other thinking "why doesn't he wanna [redacted] 🥺" it's pathetic, sort your shit out guys

My favorite non-canon relationship - That Year In London With Nadja. they never showed it to us but we all know it happened. they did mani-pedis and nearly killed each other multiple times and then she hired him as her accountant

The sexuality I headcanon for him - baby boy canonically gay and that's such a win ♥ i do hc him as trans but you knoowwwww that's some juicy little projection i like to do~

What I’d do if I could spend the day with him - in all honesty i do not anticipate that we would get along! like if i'm lucky he lures me home to be dinner but probably we would end up somewhere with a line unable to surpass our own giant social walls enough to do anything Cool. like, ok. is this pre s5? if i watch someone take a fork and knife to a burger i am Leaving Immediately

Random fact about him I like - the little snippets we get about his family life and what he gets up to off-camera. tell us more about the meat dress for your cousin's quinceañera!! u freaque, gimme more of this shit!! i'm obsessed!!

OK WE MADE IT LET'S GOOO

Salmon: How many pairs of sunglasses do I own? triangles, tiny shades, blurple circle shades, alien circle shades, ghosts, cat circle shades, and i think i still have the coral foldable shades but i haven't seen em in a while? so 6 or 7. for now.

Coconut: A subject I enjoy learning about crafting historyyyy how shit's madeeee show me the machinesss show me vintage vintage patterns, show me how vikings made yarn and then make a scarf out of it

AND LASTLY

Death: 3 things I wanna do before I die 1) go to New York City 2) get a tattoo 3) i wanna get married 👉👈 specifically i am holding out hope that i can connect with someone and forge that level of love trust and commitment that makes you decide "yeah this is a Forever thing" even if Marriage Specifically isn't on the table for whatever reason. thot i had it once! so i can get there again! just gotta do the hard part and meet the right person, which includes meeting a lot of Not the right people 🤷‍♂️

#was gonna put under a readmore but im choosing violence instead #sorry to ppl who track the tags im about to use‚ but i am an archive tagger‚ so we will both have to deal with this:#wwdits #wwdits guillermo #ask memes #partiallyobscure #good news is my bucket list is very attainable! nyc will be replaced with paris once i make it to nyc #never been a big dreams guy‚ it's allowed me to find contentment in my life tho

4 notes · View notes

kosmic-songbird · 1 year

Text

Trigger warning: suicide, night terrors, death, #bad brain

Been going through shit since the death of a family member and I'm trying to figure some stuff out about night terrors. I started having them at 14 and they got the worst at 17-20 years old. They went away for a few months and then came back but less frequent and violent. I moved at 23 (almost 24). Turning 25 this month and I had an unusually bad night terrors episode where I had three or four a night for several nights. I'm not out of that stage yet. And I'm so fuckin pissed cause all the night terrors research is on children, young children. And that's just a fuckin punch in the gut for 17 year old me that was suicidal out of fear of living with severe night terrors (several times a week if not nearly every night) for the rest of my life. And it's a slap in the face to nearly 25 year old me that has nothing to go on and blank stares from my doctor's when I bring it up. I'm tired. I thought I was over this. And maybe I am. Maybe I'm having an episode due to all of the medication and lifestyle changes im facing rn. (I am finally, finally, finally over Effexor withdrawals-when your doctor says it will last for a few days or a week know that they are wrong. For myself and many others it's 4-6 weeks if not longer even following a tapered withdrawal plan. It was a month-ish of pure torture for me. Imagine feeling faint and having your ears ringing and the ground swaying while they pick up your grandmother's casket? I was so angry that I had to feel I'll from withdrawals on top of grief. And now that I'm over the withdrawals I'm still dealing with grief and stress from financial matters. Idk. But if I look up why I get so paranoid I can't even close my eyes to sleep and get directed to another article for parents of 6 year olds I'm going to scream. I'm so sick and fuckin tired of no one helping me get over this shit and I'm so fuckin sorry for anyone out there in the same sorry state I'm in. Sorry for disappearing, leaving a rant, and then probably vanishing for at least another few days but I'm so fucked in the head rn I can't function. Starting to wonder if it's all natural or if there's a supernatural element too. (My parents' house is haunted and my night terrors immediately improved after moving. I've not had super serious problems with the terrors until this week. And I visited my family after my grandmother's death for a week. Maybe the bad entity back home hitched a ride or left a stain? Idk. But tomorrow I'm cleansing the whole fucking house, I'm gonna clean it, redecorate the alters (I had to take them down, just in case my Christian conservative family drove me home since they said they would even tho they ended up not doing it), I'm gonna make fresh offerings to my gods, spirits, and ancestors and ask for protection, and I'm going to invoke Medusa for protection something I've only dabbled with but found helpful (she's a cool entity to study and I have some upg about her associations with other Greek figures that I'm planning on creating a researched post about. I'm hoping to dive deep into those aspects of my polytheistic worship soon, but I have to feel stable first so sorry for the wait but it's necessary.)

Again, apologies for the hiatus but I'll be coming back stronger. I just need this rough patch to pass and, from experience, I know it will. Stay safe witches 💙

#triggering stuff #trigger words #bad brain

5 notes · View notes

lavenderjiang · 2 years

Text

i'm Lavender and i've been an ahgase for about 6 years now, they're my ult group and they're so special to me, and i'm very proud of them and all their achievements. ofc i love them all but the week one prompt is biases and bias wreckers so i'm gonna try and keep it to four of them...

i'm gonna start with my bias wreckers, wonderful jjp <3

tomorrow, today is such a masterpiece of an album and it's been a comfort album for me since it came out, the lyrics and the music itself is so gentle and echos a lot of the thoughts i've had, so it feels like being understood, especially when it first came out, it was and is an incredibly beautiful album

i'm so proud of them both for doing what they want in life and thankful for jaebeom and all the work he (and all of them ofc) put in so they could leave jype, and i'm so thankful for them for always looking after the other members and each other, im very proud to have jayb as our leader, and just as proud of jinyoung for always being his closest supporter

I used to only have one bias, which was my ult, but now i have an ult bias and a bias

my bias is yugyeom! I think he's not hyped enough by non ahgase for his incredible dancing skills, like,, he won hit the stage for a reason and the reason is that he's a *brilliant* dancer. I love the way that he always (inc in HTS) shows of the crew he's part of and gives them parts to show off, especially in HTS because he could easily just act like a soloist with backing dancers (don't like the term 'back up dancer' but for this it makes sense to use it)

anyway, im very proud of him and the way he's grown up well, im proud of him for trying new things too and going for the things he really wants to do, regardless of his 'idol image' or what people may think he should do. he's such a sweetheart and as much as got7 seems 'maknae on top' he's really like their silly younger brother than the one in charge, very proud of our maknae

finally, last but definitely not least, my ult bias of 6 years, mr shabu shabu, bluejae, lorenzo, otter, choi youngjae <3

i don't think i can fully convey my happiness at seeing youngjae grow in confidence over the years but i'll try, i'll also try and avoid making this a complain about jype session lolll.

youngjae has worked so so hard and given such consistent beautiful vocals to got7's music (and his own ofc) and i've been so happy to see him grow not only as person, but in confidence. He's always been such a sweet person and got7 wouldn't be got7 without him there to bring his sunshiny-ness and his iconic laugh. Even when div1 hadn't subtitled things yet i'd still watch them if i was sad because it's impossible to be sad watching youngjae. I'm so incredibly happy for him and proud to see him doing his own music, i nearly cried watching sugar because i was happy to see him finally get the budget + focus from a company to allow him to really do whatever he wanted with his music, which,, bit dramatic, but i always am <3

I have always and will always say hes one of the best vocalists in third gen, his voice is so consistently good and his tone is beautiful

(also if u haven't watched youngjae meet otters yet, you rlly have to, it's such a good video, and it's on his channel, i think it's ep 30 or 33?)

#got7revival #got7 revival #got7 #youngjae #yugyeom #jj project #lavenderjiang

8 notes · View notes

captain--sif · 1 year

Text

Ich habe 118 Mal im Jahr 2022 etwas gepostet

14 Einträge erstellt (12%)

104 Einträge gerebloggt (88%)

Blogs, die ich am häufigsten gerebloggt habe:

@mansikkaomenabanaani

@jackironsides

@agnesclementineblog

@aye-write

@toughpaperround

Ich habe 48 meiner Einträge im Jahr 2022 getaggt

#writer stuff – 15 Einträge

#sif talks – 9 Einträge

#not fic – 8 Einträge

#sif writes – 6 Einträge

#fic writing – 5 Einträge

#911 fox – 4 Einträge

#fic – 4 Einträge

#buddie – 3 Einträge

#wattpad – 3 Einträge

#911 fic – 2 Einträge

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#the comment i just gotten was actually helpful in that it made me aware of a problem i didnt know exist in exporting my fic from my editor

Meine Top-Einträge im Jahr 2022:

I can't believe all it takes for me to write for Buddie again is one single episode of season 6 and a tumblr post, after nearly two full years and two whole seasons of not being able to scrape up any motivation except for fandom gift exchanges

14 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 21. September 2022

You’re still my destiny

Another year, another Legacy Day. Apple convinced Raven to step up to the podium again. But Apple still has expectations, and Raven still has aspirations. A lot has changed in this year and just as much hasn't. The girls reconcile with what is predestined and with what isn't.

Fandom: Ever After High Relationships: Apple White / Raven Queen Word count: 3.7k

Read on AO3, Wattpad, or below:

They have an evening routine by now and it looks a little like this:

They fight over the use of the bathroom, dirty tricks allowed, even though most nights they end up sharing it anyway.

Apple stays in there longer, following her skincare routine meticulously and without compromise.

When Raven leaves the room, she rolls her eyes, pretending like she’s not about to smile, just as Apple pretends not to see it.

It works for them and she’s not about to threaten this peace between them.

Once under her covers, Apple calls out “Good night, Ravie”, just because she can. Because Raven no longer throws curses her way when she says it. Because they are friends. And Apple has fought so hard for this, so by the Book of Destiny, she’s gonna enjoy it.

Raven sighs but she still throws a “Good night, Apple-nova” her way.

If Apple has to pinpoint her favorite part of the day, this would be it.

She always falls asleep with a smile.

Apple had been about to pin up her own hair. She lets it fall back down on her shoulders. She struts over to her friend— who is she kidding?, her best friend— and takes a look at what she’s wearing.

“If anything, you don’t look evil enough”, she says with a confidence she’s not quite sure she’s feeling.

Sure, she’s confident. And yes, she trusts that today will turn out well. But still, she compensates with a determination that Raven lacks on this day. Apple understands but still, she feels like she needs to be strong for the both of them today. Put on that extra bit of confidence and determination. Remind her that it’ll all be okay. That they’ll be okay.

Raven sighs sadly but proceeds to put on her earrings.

Apple puts her arm around Raven’s waist, careful not to impede her movement or make a crease into Raven’s carefully shaped dress during the hug.

“You can do it!” She reassures her cheerfully. “It will feel a lot shorter than you remember it!”

Apple can see Raven’s lips quirking up for a short second but she’s quick to be back to her former glum expression.

Perfect, Apple thinks, and let the Legacy Day begin anew.

They’re sitting together at this year’s Legacy Day, as it should be. Apple finds, after all, their destinies are very much intertwined.

In front of them are two rows of students that participate in the Legacy Day for the first time this year and Apple can tell that they are nervous too. Some of them look to her as if to confirm that they’re making the right choice in signing their name. She holds her head extra high. Some others are looking to Raven, hesitantly of course. They are all aware of what it means if Raven signs in the book today. Raven set a powerful precedent that needs to be rectified.

Not if Raven signs, Apple reminds herself, when Raven signs.

She looks beside her to the girl in question who is staring blankly to the front where their principal is just about to take the stage.

Gently, she nudges her with her elbow and presents her with an encouraging smile.

Raven doesn’t smile back but her shoulders unclench and when she turns back to the front her stare is no longer blank but filled with a determination that would make most of the student body of Ever After High tremble.

But not Apple White. Because this stare means her destiny is safe.

She is safe. Both of them are.

And she’s waited a year for this.

Vollständigen Eintrag ansehen

18 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 1. August 2022

A Little Push

This is a gift fic for @wolvesofinnistrad for the I’m Your Buddie Secret Elf Gift Exchange. I hope you like it 😊

Eddie overhears Chris' friend making assumptions.

AO3, Gift Exchange Collection Relationships: Eddie Diaz/Evan “Buck” Buckley, Evan “Buck” Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz Characters: Eddie Diaz, Christopher Diaz, Original Male Child Character

“If your dad is okay with us playing on the console,” is what Eddie hears through Chris’ door when he passes by. It’s Jacob speaking, one of Chris’ friends, who is spending the afternoon at their place.

Eddie’s first instinct is to say no when they ask, his trust in tech is still not restored, even if Buck has been trying very hard to get him to.

But then again, they have gotten out the console a few times over the last months as a result of this effort of Buck’s, so there’s no reason for him to forbid it, except on principle. And while Eddie can’t afford to be the fun dad all the time, he doesn’t want to be the stuck-up dad either. Especially when appearing too strict in front of his kid’s friends might result in them choosing a different hangout spot than the Diaz house.

It’s not that Eddie finds anything wrong with Chris going to his friends’ houses, but he’d rather they do because it’s a choice for another kid’s home, and not because it’s a choice against Chris’ home. He doesn’t wish to inflict that on Chris’ social life.

Being so caught up in his own reasoning about what to answer to that query, he nearly misses the second half of Jacobs’s sentence:

“... we could play that game you and Alex have been talking about. Splatoon? You said you have it.”

And that just makes Eddie halt again. He was just passing by, he’s not supposed to stop to listen in on Chris’ conversations with his friends. But Chris doesn’t have Splatoon. Eddie is reasonably sure about that. Chris has played it because Buck owns it, and they played it at Buck’s place, but Chris doesn’t have the game.

Buck probably bought that game for Chris, but… Who is Eddie kidding? Buck most definitely bought the game for Chris. But more specifically, he bought it for himself to play with Chris, so Eddie doesn't think it counts as Chris’ game.

“It’s not at my dad’s place,” Chris says, and now Eddie has confirmation that Chris thinks of Buck’s game as his. There's no other place Chris could play a game and rightfully believe it to be his, and huh, now Eddie’s contradicting himself.

“Oh,” Jacob says, “I didn’t know your parents were divorced. I thought it was just your dad and you.”

“It is,” Chris replies, and Eddie only stays to see how Chris handles the mention of Shannon, “and they didn’t. My mom died.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Jacob really does sound sorry, so Eddie makes to leave. He listened in on their conversation for too long already. “Where is your game then?”

“It’s at Buck’s place.” Eddie nods along. Yeah, okay. Buck probably told Chris that it’s his. He’ll back Eddie when he doesn’t want Chris to play on tech, but he’ll also make sure to keep an age-appropriate game on hand for when Eddie does allow it.

“Ah, right,” Jacob replies when Eddie can still just barely hear him, like he knows who Buck is. And yeah, that’s fair, seeing how much time they spend with him, and also thinking back to shortly after the tsunami, when Chris talked about it to his peers. He remembers that conversation with his teachers. Chris’ classmates probably remember it too.

“Your dad’s new girlfriend.” Eddie doubles a few steps back. His girlfriend?

“Buck’s not a girl.”

Eddie waits. But that’s all Chris replies. What he wouldn’t give now to be able to see how Chris reacts instead of just having his voice to go on. Is Chris considering how he follows up on that, pondering what exactly Buck is to the two of them? Or is that all he plans to say anyway?

But Eddie can’t see Chris, only hears Jacob interrupt what Eddie hopes is a thinking pause on Chris’ part, and will therefore never know.

Why does he care anyway? It doesn’t really matter what label Chris gives them. Kids get stuff like that wrong all the time. Chris thought he and Ana weren’t married yet, when the two of them could not have been more obviously not meant to work.

Then again, maybe it does matter that Chris seems to not be quite sure how to label whatever Buck is to Eddie. And maybe it matters even more that Eddie himself thinks that there’s wiggling room in how Chris could define what they are to each other. And doesn’t that beg the question of what Buck is to Eddie?

He’s my best friend, Eddie tells himself. It’s true, he knows that it’s true.

But there’s more than this one facet to their relationship. They’re partners, at work and… at work. Partners at work. But if Eddie’s being real with himself? They’re also partners for a lot outside of work. Buck has games at his place that Chris considers his. Eddie trusts Buck with Chris over anyone else. Chris goes to Buck when he’s upset with Eddie. Buck backs him on his parenting decisions, but he also teases him into loosening them if he thinks Eddie’s being unreasonably strict, as he did with the video games.

Fuck, Eddie realizes, they’re also partners in parenting, of all things.

It doesn’t have to mean anything. And it doesn’t, necessarily. Children have godparents for reasons like this. To take care of a child when its parents are no longer there. That’s why Eddie wrote Buck into his will.

Except that it feels wrong to think of Buck this way. He’s also who Eddie wants at his side when it comes to parenting, yes, even while he’s still alive. He wants Buck at his side for work too, without question. But he also wants him at his side, for whatever else life throws at them, for better or for worse.

And whoa, isn’t that cheesy?

Vollständigen Eintrag ansehen

31 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 6. Januar 2022

I Made This Family All On My Own

Watching them, Cirilla has learnt that sometimes “I hate you” means “I hate you”, but sometimes it can also mean “I love you, but I hate that I do”.

Or: After the events of season 2, Geralt decides to stay at Kaer Morhen, where Cirilla tries to connect to Jaskier, and to make sense of the relationships between Geralt, Yennefer and him.

AO3 Fandom: The Witcher (TV) Relationships: Yennefer/Jaskier/Geralt, Cirilla & Jaskier, Cirilla & Vesemir, Cirilla & Yennefer, Cirilla & Geralt

Cirilla starts to learn that emotions are a complicated thing. Surprisingly, it’s the witchers in her life that have the best grip on them, considering she once tried to become one to get away from hers.

Vesemir tells Geralt he should’ve trusted him; that’s how they show each other that they care. Geralt is the first to tell Ciri he loves her, once he got over himself, and Vesemir follows shortly after. She’s come to think of him as her grandfather even, and she thinks that Vesemir has come to grips with having a granddaughter in her too.

Yennefer is a little more difficult. She says things like, “I’d sacrifice everything for you”, so Cirilla thinks she might love her, but Yennefer refuses to say it. Cirilla isn’t sure she’s able to. She doesn’t know how Yen would react if Ciri were the one to say it first, either.

Jaskier is a wholly different egg to crack. Mostly, because she doesn’t really know how to act around him at all. He says, “You’re the child surprise, I heard so much about you,” but she’s got so much else on her mind that she doesn’t really care. It doesn’t even bother her when he says “like father, like daughter,” seeing as she doesn’t mind being compared to Geralt, even if Jaskier obviously means it in a bad way.

But she thinks they both fucked up their first impressions that way, and now, in the halls of Kaer Morhen, they don’t really know how to act around each other. She’s known Geralt for a while now, and he teaches her to fight. She’s known Yennefer for a shorter time, but still longer than Jaskier, and Yen teaches her about magic. But Jaskier and her barely knew each other before, and they don’t have much time to get each other to know each other now, either.

It isn’t aided by Jaskier’s relationships to both Geralt and Yennefer being significantly complicated, either.

Geralt and Yennefer snap at each other all the time too, but she’s seen them kiss at Nenneke’s, so she’s reasonably sure they love each other. Cirilla can understand that magic, politics, and betrayals make things difficult between them, and that they might take some time before they can fully trust each other again and actually love each other openly. She assumes it might take even more time before they do it in front of her.

Watching the two of them, Cirilla has learnt that sometimes “I hate you” means “I hate you”, but sometimes it can also mean “I love you, but I hate that I do”.

It’s with this in mind, that Jaskier’s place in this family, and yes, Cirilla has taken to calling them that, at least in her head, for her own private enjoyment, gets complicated.

Geralt and Jaskier are friends now. Geralt was loath to admit it at first, saying he refused to acknowledge that for a long time, but “he grows on you, like a fungus”.

“You’ll like him too, soon enough, once you get to know him,” Geralt says, fondly, and it seems oddly important to him. Cirilla doesn’t think too much of it at first. She managed with all of Geralt’s brothers too. She’ll manage with a new strange figure in her life, if Geralt wants her to.

But then she’ll hear Jaskier call Yennefer a “bitch” and Yennefer call Jaskier a “bastard”, and Cirilla thinks one of them will leave or make Geralt choose between his love and his friend. She fears Geralt will be miserable, even if he’ll try to hide it, because he is just as happy as her to have them all together here, as a family. And while Ciri might not know Jaskier enough to miss him, should he be the one to go, Geralt does.

Then, the next second, Yen’ll call him a “heart-broken fool”, and he’ll tell her “you’ve gone soft-hearted” in the same tone of voice, with the same amount of venom in their voices, and Cirilla will think “now it’s really all over, they’ll either kill each other or leave”, but they’ll just huff and turn around, a shine to their eyes that might look like respect or understanding if she didn’t know better.

For a while, she thinks it’s just the two of them tolerating each other, because they have seen what Ciri did: that Geralt would miss either of them - and they both love him enough to ignore the other for his sake, until Ciri notices that in their fights Geralt and Yennefer both look at Jaskier the same way they look at each other during their own fights.

Cirilla thinks it must be complicated loving someone you’re so desperate to hate.

Still, hearing Geralt’s “You’ll like him too, once you get to know him”, and seeing Yennefer failing to hate Jaskier as much as she seemingly wishes to, doesn’t make it easier for Cirilla to actually get to know him, or make sense of what Jaskier sees his own role in this family to be.

Asking Geralt doesn’t yield much more than that, though. He plainly acts like Jaskier and Yennefer don’t act like they hate each other, and he seems to believe that Ciri and Jaskier will just get closer without any of their further input. Considering Jaskier’s personality, this might be true, if the two of them would naturally spend enough time in each other’s company. But when they do, it’s usually shared with Geralt and Yennefer, and as loving each other seems to be the worst thing that could’ve happened to the three adults in Cirilla’s life, it doesn’t really lend itself to that. Their dinner tables are slowly calming now, forgiveness settling over the three of them for things they won’t tell Ciri about, but it doesn’t happen fast enough.

She fought for the respect of Geralt’s brothers, she’ll take it in her own hands to get along with Jaskier too.

“Why do you call him a broken-hearted fool?” she asks Yennefer one day while mixing a potion. Potion-making always lends itself to talking, and Cirilla has asked Yen a lot of things over time. She’s been told about Yennefer’s childhood, about how she met Geralt, what else she’ll teach her, but Yennefer seldom talks about Jaskier. Mostly she just calls him “the bard”, which Cirilla thinks is neither a positive nor even neutral term coming out of her mouth, but even that went from “resigned derision” to “resigned fondness” over the weeks they spent in the workshop.

Yennefer snorts, but has the decency to look a little guilty. “Have you ever listened to his songs?”

Cirilla shakes her head. “I’ve never been around when he played.”

“If you did, you’d know.”

And while that is just as mysterious as anything else she knew about Jaskier before, with the exception of the theoretical facts about how he got to meet Geralt and Yen, it gives her an idea on how to make Geralt happy. Maybe even all three of them.

“When will you teach me how to play the lute?” she drops on Jaskier one day, when she catches him alone.

He jumps, as if startled, and despite him hiding it, she can still make out the “just like her parents. Just expects me to drop everything on her whim.” But then again, with Jaskier, you can never be sure he didn’t want you to hear it.

“I didn’t know you wanted me to teach you. Didn’t figure you wanted my presence at all.” He sizes her up. “You’re a princess. Weren’t you taught music too?”

Vollständigen Eintrag ansehen

55 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 22. Januar 2022

Meine #1 des Jahres 2022

We’ve Been Losing Sleep

Rating G, 4.7k words, Buddie, 911

This was inspired by episode 6.01 and some thoughts I had after reading this tumblr post of @vampydiaz

Read below or on AO3

There’s something about building a life around people that’s so very fragile to changes in their emotions.

Buck is not a stranger to that. He knows that despite how strong he thinks their little ecosystem of people is, it’s still a family that they built around the 118. He hasn’t forgotten how off-balance everything and everyone in his life had felt when Eddie and Chimney hadn’t come to work. He’s not so naive as to believe his own actions and emotions can’t have the same impact.

In theory, that is.

In practice, it still takes him by surprise when Chimney drops down on the couch in the middle of the shift, furtively looking around as if to check that no one else is listening, and asks him "So, Buckley, as Eddie’s best friend, would you happen to know what’s going on with him? He’s been weird the last two shifts." and the only thing Buck can think of is that Buck didn’t hang out with him.

"Uh, no, n- not that I can think of", he says instead, because admitting to Eddie reacting to Buck avoiding him would mean admitting to avoiding him would mean admitting to the reason he’s avoiding him. And if he were ready to admit that, Buck wouldn’t be avoiding him.

Chimney looks at him for so long that Buck fears he doesn’t believe him, but then he just shrugs. "If he doesn’t even tell you…," he starts, but doesn’t actually finish. "Maybe you should ask him about it. I think Cap worries, seeing as we all thought Eddie was better now after going to therapy."

"He is better," Buck says, and even he can tell that it was too defensive, too close to snapping at Chim. He gets the lifted eyebrow that he expected earlier. Buck expects Chimney to see through him to what he actually feels, but no. After a second, he just throws his head back and groans.

"The only thing I achieved is to make you worry too, didn’t I?", he asks, and it’s not really a question. More of an assessment of the situation.

Buck sighs, not really knowing what to answer, still grappling with the fact that his actions have consequences, but Chimney takes it as confirmation and leaves this thread of conversation behind.

Buck is grateful, he is. If only, with Chim declaring the conversation over, it was also over in Buck’s head.

Chimney wasn’t even wrong: Buck was worried now. Because Buck had made a conscious decision. He’s well aware that there’s something about building a life around people that’s so very fragile to changes in their emotions. That includes your own.

And there’s no one in the 118 that Buck has built his life around more than Eddie and Christopher.

He felt his emotions shift, or well, maybe shift isn’t quite the right word. Buck suspects these feelings have been building for a long time, hidden under the surface, a perfectly logical progression of the way Buck and Eddie have been developing alongside each other.

He needed a step back. To sort out his thoughts and feelings before he did something brash and regretted it. He needed to make sure that his emotions would not affect this life that their trio, as well as the 118, have built around each other.

There was care in the planning of this step back. No risks taken. Eddie wasn’t even supposed to notice it. Buck didn’t even actively say no to any plans. When Eddie — or Chris — asked him to, he showed up. He just — didn’t actively bring up his own. There should have been no way this would disrupt their friendship, nevertheless the team dynamic.

Still, Bobby and Chim noticed, and were surely not the only ones. So Buck — Buck has to grit his teeth and deal with his feelings head-on, on his own, without dragging his family into it. It’s not their fault that somewhere along the line he fell in love with his best friend.

Determined, he stands up and smiles at Chim before leaving to go look for Eddie. He finds him at the gym, going at the punching bag a little too hard. And yeah, Buck thinks, wincing, as he leans against the pillar closest to him, there’s definitely something going on with Eddie.

"Hey," Buck says, softly, so as not to startle him. There’s still a little jump in Eddie’s step before he turns around to face him. "You wanna grab some breakfast after our shift?"

"Yeah, sure," Eddie says, smiling at him. There’s a crinkle around his eyes that makes Buck think he hasn’t slept all that well lately. It makes his stomach sink. He’s not yet ready to confront being the cause of it, so he doesn’t ask, but the urge to reach out and fix it is so strong, he nearly caves.

Tomorrow, he promises himself.

Breakfast ends up being a team affair, with Hen and Chimney joining once they get wind of the plan, which… is okay. Buck appreciates the added distance and reprieve, even if it goes against the purpose of the breakfast. He relaxes in the knowledge that at least he was the one initiating the meet-up, despite the way it devolved out of his control, hoping against hope that it would calm the waves of what had thrown Eddie so off-balance at least a little.

By the end of the meal, he’s convinced himself that the best action is to follow Eddie home and just spend the whole day with him and Chris. No doubts about his commitment to being in their lives.

That’s before Chimney says to him: "You’ll be home later, yeah? Maddie wanted to drop by," and what can he say to that? Despite not needing to, ever since she has Chimney and the rest of their support system around, he’d still drop nearly everything for his sister. So if she wants to come around and he doesn’t actually have any other plans yet? Then he’ll be at home.

He can let Eddie catch a few hours of sleep (which, by the look of it, he desperately needs) and then come around after Maddie passed by. Except-

Well, except: now it’s three days later and Buck thinks the universe must have conspired against him, because he still hasn’t seen Eddie outside of his shift and hangouts with the whole team. He’s seen him less even than during the few days that he was actively trying to see him less. Besides making him realize how bad of an idea that forced distance had been (because you never know when life would just keep you apart), it has also come to a point where he’s lying in his bed, phone on his chest, fingers flying over the keyboard, typing "I miss you".

"I can’t write that," he tells himself once he stopped typing, "it’s too obvious. He doesn’t deserve to have to deal with my feelings. That wouldn’t be fair to him."

Vollständigen Eintrag ansehen

62 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 16. Oktober 2022

Hol dir deinen Tumblr-Jahresrückblick 2022 →

#tumblr2022 #Jahresrückblick #Mein Tumblr-Jahresrückblick 2022 #Dein Tumblr-Jahresrückblick #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Hehe #Good thing none of the top 5 posts were fics I had posted without read mores #That would've sucked for this post #Thanks for the interaction #I always feel like my posts flop so 62 notes isn't all that bad altogether wow

1 note · View note

under-moonlight · 11 months

Text

I leave for jersey in 5 days and I feel really good about it. I get to witness one of my best friends getting married and even though I’ll likely be attending alone I understand that life just is that way sometimes and it’s just not my time. I still stand by my decision to heal. It’s just weird we would always meet at the train and go into Manhattan nearly every other weekend and she’d listen to me rant about jax and tell me she’s no good etc and she was right. I’d be lying though if I said I didn’t believe that aside from all that what me and jax had was so special we could get through it if we were both dedicated. That’s the problem though, free will, we really could’ve been the ones but it all came down to the fact that she didn’t choose me. Anyway enough about her.

I have a facial and hair appointment on Thursday and I’m so excited for both they are very desperately needed and my esthi & my stylist both have me chatting away everytime and I love catching up with them both. I’m holding space for liberty science center with cinco because I really wanna go but she doesn’t know if she can yet. Maybe Christian will tag a long as if we didn’t spend every second possible together while he was visiting St. Louis for 3 weeks.

Fuck, Jersey really fucking is my place as much as I wanna think it’s not. Just because Jackie lives there doesn’t mean it’s tainted but it makes me think I can’t go back. But all of my best of friends live there. I just don’t feel like I belong anywhere else like I did in jersey and that’s why I can’t let it go. I spent 6 years there on my own and that’s where I most discovered who I am as a person and I just can’t act like that’s not where my home is. I really wish I could go back but I know if I don’t take full advantage of the setup I’ve made here then I’ll regret it. I wanna be far away from life for a little bit I want to travel. Once I’m back in jersey I’m just back and that’s it, so I need to just focus on my family & fun here. I wanted a break and that’s what I’m doing so why can’t I just enjoy it? :/

Anyway. Im also going to see Nicole Friday literally the first time I’ve ever met her irl and we’ve been best friends for 3 years online, texting, calling and FaceTime. I’m so beyond excited. Saturday I have a brunch with Angie & then I’m going to a park with fatin🩷 I seriously under appreciate the friendship fatin and I have. I love her so fucking much.

After that I think I’m gonna get mochinuts with Jaysan. I think he’s into me and honestly idk what to do if he tries to make a move because how do I explain that I’m currently repulsed by the thought of being in a relationship right now. Also I don’t feel that all encompassing pull for him. If I did I would be inclined to change my mind but it’s not like that. I don’t feel the urge to ‘risk it all’

And I would like to state that it’s unfair I’m not due for my period in 13 days but I’m cramping soo bad rn sitting in bed writing this before I get ready for work.

I got on bumble bff and I’m getting consistently hit on and idk how to feel about it, literally what I said before how do I say I really hate that concept of love lol. I matched with this one girl though and she’s super alt-goth she’s got pretty eyes long hair she’s tall and looks like straight up trouble but I’d still make out with her. Lol her name is Megan and so far we’ve made no plans to meet but she’s complimented me a ton and hasn’t called me out yet for not complimenting her at all. Oops

0 notes

alwayssillybluebird · 2 years

Text

vent post woooooo!!!!!1!1!1!++!!!!!

ok so it's currently summer as we all know. Let's start from the beginning: it was the end of June, finally summer break. I had an army cadets annual camp thing (basically q summer camp but 108392x worse) qt the end of July. so I had <3 weeks of ""relaxing" (it was boiling and I had to take care of my sister) and eventually it was late July so I started packing for Camp. Then on the night before I was supposed to leave my mum decided that im not going because it'll be like 40 degrees+ where im gonna be staying. So I end up not going. Then literally 5 days later she gets really drunk qnd decides that I qm going. so the next morning I got on the car with her and my sister and drove for 6 hours and of course I got yelled at because I didn't know the directions or whatever even tho she had 2 sat navs under her nose. so i finally affive there and I hate it. I have no friends in cadets so you can imagine how that went. I tried to talk to people but they just ignore me. I had to wake up at 5.30am EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING. because my disabled roommate set her alarm to 5.30. although the previous night, when me qnd my other roommate are trying to sleep, she'd always talk to her dad and she wouldn't even bother to go to the bathroom or out headphones on! No, she decides to scream, cry qnd complain to her dad qt 11pm every single night qnd not even apologising to us. then fast forward to the last day, we wake up at 5 am again qnd then we are forced to clean our rooms but my roommate stayed outside of course because she "kept on fainting" even though she had no problem going to the disco the previous night qnd twerking on the picnic tables. then we finally get on the bus and I have to sit next to the little bitch named isla hutchersob or whatever and she's a Christian so she's super annoying. She's also rude to me for no reason even though I gave her £1 so she can buy snacks qnd I gave her the rest of ny chocolate and cookies because I felt bad that she had to drive for another 3 hours. of course she ate ALL of it the moment I gave it to her so she probably starved for the rest of the trip. LMAOOO SHE DESERVED THAT she acted like a cunt to me for no reason the whole camp and on the bus ride. L

Ok so I finally get home and my parents make me dinner and stuff qnd im glad to finally sleep in my own bed. But then 2 days later by parents decided that we are going to TURKEY on holiday without even asking me. So then the next day we wake up qt 5 am, drive for 7 hours to Leeds for the airport, sit there for another 4 hours, then get on the plane (another 4 hours) which was horrible. Then we finally get to Turkey qnd I couldn't even breathe outside as it was HOT. then we wait for a taxi for like 30 minutes and drive for 1.5 hours and we finally get to the hotel by like 12am. I was starving and exhausted at that point so jsnshahauzhhs

Then the next day (day 1) it was even worse. I had to get up qt 9 AM even though I went to bed at like 3 am last night so I only got less than 6 hours of sleep. then we go have breakfast which was pretty mid and it's literally SCORCHING outside. then my parents force me to go to the beach and I nearly die of heat exhaustion - my feet, head, eve dry thing is burning. then we get back to the hotel by taxi which was good. Then I spent the rest of the day sitting in my room because its too hot, I can't breathe outside, and I hate swimming and getting q sun tan (internal racism moment mmaooo) so fast forward to afternoon and my mym is angry at me for no reason. she forced me to go outside and play fucking poop with her which was shit (I hated every second if it) but of course i had to be happy. then my mum has a whole tantrum about something idc about and then there was an argument which lasted about 2 hours and then my parents had their 10th drink of beer and they decide to go to some retarded kids "performance" ofc I HAVE to go there and I HAVE to watch it and I HAVE to smile and enjoy it. makes sense, parents! then they get pissed qt me qnd start threatening me because im not smiling. they're piss drunk at this point so im even more pisssed off at them. then I finally get to go to my room and they follow me for some reason so there was another short argument so my dad lef tfor about half an hour qnd then we all went to bed and I couldn't sleep because my dumbass father was snoring so now im here.

im gonna go to sleep now bye. ill update 2morrow

0 notes

bushmonsterr · 4 years

Photo

izuku haunts class 1-a chapter 1 by @theartisticgamer

sO YEAH, this is what i imagine the scene would look like when baku interacted with ghost izuku and also cuz i cant help myself from drawing these sad beans uwu. Again, toTALLY Recommend for yall to read if soft, angst, izuku being babey and dADzawa is your jam ;DDD

#my art #doodles #comic #bnha #mha #my hero academia #izuku midoriya #bakugo katsuki #izuku haunts class 1-a #theartisticgamer #ghost midoriya #OK I WENT A LITTLE OVERBOARD WITH THIS #i accidentally drew bakugos and izukus childhood memories asjindfhb #AHDJF AAH #THERES ALSO ONE PART I REALLY WANTED TO FIX #BUT IS NEARLY 6 AM SO IM JUST GONNA LEAVE IT AT THAT #ENJOY THE ANGST #IM GOING TO EBD #GOOD NI GH T

5K notes · View notes

amazinlei · 3 years

Text

So........ you support pansexual as a symbol but not an identity?????

#am i having a stroke #at nearly 6 am???#I appreciate y'all making carrds and everything like tagging your personal triggers or a little info about yourself #but man reading the majority of them makes me realize I really gotta be careful about who I follow...#so im just gonna say this right now #biphobes fuck off #that goes for biphobes against he/him lesbians that also identity as bi #also terfy bullshit can fuck off #and pansexuals dont want you either #you guys are freaks and I hope you die alone 💀#not gonna tag this as hate since I know terfs are gonna hijack my post #but im gonna go to bed and leave this up so I can block some assholes <3

4 notes · View notes

kaistarus · 3 years

Text

Mistexting Mayhem

Pairing: Nishinoya X Reader

Words: 1.6K

Summary: You accidentally send Nishinoya a text that was meant for Yachi and now he’s knows secrets you were hoping he never found out

A/N: If you think this fic is anything but crack you’re wrong lmao I’ve always wanted to write a fic with this style and Noya is great for the chaos i needed. It was fun

Masterlist

[6:40pm] idiot⚡: look y/n without adhd id be too powerful

i could beet god himself in handtohand combat

god was afraid of my raw fuckin awesomeness wen i bursted from the woom

[6:41pm] y/n: there is so much wrong with what u just said

[6:41pm] idiot⚡: i have absoltly no clue wat

[6:43pm] y/n: put those 3 brain cells to work. I believe in you

[6:43pm] idiot⚡: but theyve reached their daily quota

plz there so tired and overworked

You snorted, a dopey smile on your lips as you laid surrounded by textbooks and homework, swinging your feet in the air behind you. You focused intently on the cell phone in your hand doing everything you could to procrastinate the schoolwork around you.

[6:44pm] y/n: noyas so stupid

[6:44pm] yachi❤: i thought you liked him?

[6:45pm] y/n: jeez Yachi. dont come for my throat

i cant help that i have bad taste 🙄

[6:46pm] yachi❤: if it helps he tripped over a stray ball today

maybe think of that till you don’t like him??

Unfortunately, the image of Nishinoya waving to everyone then biffing it only had you smiling like a dork. How you’d gotten to a point that Nishinoya being an idiot made you swoon, you’ll never know.

You raised your eyebrow suspiciously at the new notification on Snapchat from ‘Tanaka’ and after swiping it open you nearly dropped your phone. Looking back at you was Nishinoya, his head tilted and eyebrow quirked in confusion with a gari-gari kun shoved halfway down his throat. The caption at the bottom reading ‘daaaammn look at your prince charming go 😩’.

You frowned at the picture, letting out a frustrated groan at how your heart accelerated against your ribcage. You quickly tapped out of it and reopened the messenger app.

[6:57pm] y/n: we have to kill Noya

[6:57pm] idiot⚡: we??? what kind of mission is this??? 😤

[6:58pm] y/n: i like him too much. he has to die. its for my own good

You waited impatiently for her response and almost debated doing your homework since it took longer than you felt necessary. You supposed you had suggested murder to Yachi, but still…

When you finally received a response your entire body froze.

[7:11pm] idiot⚡: U LIKE ME?!?!? 😍

UR KILLING ME?!?! 😢

IM SO CONFUSED......

and a lil turned on ngl👀

Your hand covered your mouth in horror as you processed what the hell you had just done. This didn’t happen to people in real life. Mistexting was stuff people made up when they created fake texts for social media to get likes. You didn’t think people actually went through this.

You opened new notifications to escape the hell that stared you straight in the face.

[7:15pm] Tanaka💪: Yo, whatd u do. Whys Noya having a panic attak

[7:16pm] y/n: I accidently texted him instead of Yachi and told him i liked him 😣

[7:16pm] Tanaka💪: O wtf thats hilarious 😂

[7:17pm] y/n: ITS NOT HILArIOUS

[7:18pm] Tanaka💪: Hes askin if its a prank. Wat do i do?

[7:19pm] y/n:I DONT KNOW SDKFHJN IM THE IDIOT WHO STSRTED IT

He stopped responding and you banged your head against your pillow anxiously.

[7:23pm] y/n: YACHI ITOLD NoYA I LKED HIM AND NOU HE NOS WAY DO JI DO!?!????! 😭😭😭

[7:23pm] idiot⚡: THIS ISNT YACHI!!!!

HOLY FUKC U DO LIEK ME!!!

You screamed into your pillow. Were you fucking kidding? This could not be happening.

[7:25pm] Tanaka💪: dude, twice? i cant save u now 🤪

[7:25pm] y/n: betraying me in my time of fucking need? i’ll remember this asshole

[7:26pm] Tanaka💪: so vulgar 👀

You growled at Tanaka’s uselessness and bravely peeked through one eye as you went back to your conversation with Nishinoya.

[7:24pm] idiot⚡: STOP IGNORING ME I KNO UR TEXTING RYU

[7:26pm] idiot: IM GONNA KEEP SPAMMING U TILL U ANSWE RME😤

[7:26pm] idiot⚡: 1

[7:27pm] y/n: what is this twitch chat? fuck

[7:28pm] idiot⚡: your heeeeererererreee 🥰

[7:29pm] y/n: soooooo………..

clearly there has been a misunderstanding

[7:29pm] idiot⚡: oh nonono. I understand PERFETCLY. u LOVE me

its ok. this is a safe space. we can discuss feelings 😌

[7:31pm] y/n: there are zero feelings to discuss

[7:31pm] idiot⚡: then y did u say u like me too much so i have to die?

[7:34pm] y/n: i am filled with rage 🤬

[7:34pm] idiot⚡: rage over how much u liiike me???🥰🥰🥰

[7:36pm] y/n: definitely not

You racked your brain for some kind of reasonable sounding excuse, eventually landing on:

[7:36pm] y/n: It was autocorrect

[7:36pm] idiot⚡: HAH????? FROM?????

[7:38pm] y/n: HAH???

....Nora?

[7:38pm] idiot⚡: Who TF is nora???? 😡

[7:39pm] y/n: someoe i like obviously 😏

[7:40pm] idiot⚡: so u like them but u use my name so much it autocorrected to me? 🤔

[7:44pm] y/n: OK MR DETEcTIVE WHERE TF ARE THES BRAIN CELS COMIN GFROM?

[7:45pm] idiot⚡: i pull them out for special ocasions 😌

[7:45pm] y/n: well how bout you pack those up and put em away

[7:46pm] idiot⚡: how bout two people who LIKE each other SAY something so they can DOOOOOOOO something bout IT 🙄

You began typing a frantic message about how it was none of his business until you processed the message. Then you read it over several times before letting out an audible, “what the fuck.”

[7:50pm] y/n: YOU LIKE ME

[7:50pm] idiot⚡: I FLIRT WITH U ALL THE TIME WAT DO U MEAN yOu LiKe Me!?!

FUCKING OBVIOSLY

[7:51pm] y/n: literally when. name one time.

[7:52pm] idiot⚡: I WALK WITH U EVERY MORNING!!!

[7:53pm] y/n: I thought that was a coincidence???

[7:54pm] idiot⚡: I BRNIG U SNACKS DURING LUNCH!!!

[7:54pm] y/n: I thought they were leftovers??

[7:55pm] idiot⚡: …....I call you cute and invite you to my games.

[7:56pm] y/n: you call everyone attractive and i thought there was like a audience quota or something........?

[7:57pm] idiot⚡: ….i cant tell who i should be upset with rn but i think its u 😑

[7:58pm] y/n: WAT WHY!?!

[8:00pm] Idiot⚡: I LIKE U+U LIKE ME=WE LIKE EACH OTHER

[8:01pm] y/n: whoa. slow down. I hate math 😣

[8:02pm] Idiot⚡: ===WE SHUD GO ON A DATE!!!

[8:02pm] y/n: HAH!? i think you started multiplying that addition problem buddy 🤨

Your cheeks were beginning to ache from how wide your dopey grin was. You couldn’t help but tease Nishinoya-it was second nature at this point-even if you now knew your feelings were mutual.

[8:04pm] idiot⚡: i suk at math but thats NOT the point

point iiissss i think deep down u want to hang out and cuddle and fall in love

maybe even..... 😏 kiiisssss

[8:04pm] y/n: WHOA WHOA WHOA

WARN ME BEFORE YOU GET NSFW

i would never premarital eye-contact. let alone k🤢ki-🤢🤢kiss🤢🤮🤮

[8:05pm] idiot⚡: well we would have socks on 🙄

[8:06pm] y/n: oh. well if there’s protection

[8:06pm] idiot⚡: Im not a maniac

[8:07pm] y/n: i suppose as long as you dont do something stoopid

like faceplant in public

that would be humiliating

[8:08pm] idiot⚡: I-

who told you that 😠

[8:08pm] y/n: i have spies everywhere noya

youre never safe

[8:09pm] Idiot⚡: kinda hot 👀

makin me fear for my life like that👀

[8:10pm] y/n: i hate that i like you

It kills me inside

i feel braincels leaving with every conversation

[8:12pm] Idiot⚡: fan behavior 😏

so am i taking u to eat tomorow or wat?

[8:14pm] y/n: if I HAVE to 🙄

[8:14pm] Idiot⚡: No u GET to

I am a fucking delite 😤

[8:15pm] y/n: whatever helps you sleep at night

[8:15pm] Idiot⚡: nothing helps me sleep at night. this mind never rests

[8:16pm] y/n: thinking 24/7 and still not a smart thing comes out of that mouth 👀

[8:17pm] Idiot⚡: yas, bully me more 😫

[8:19pm] y/n: ok thats as much as i can handle for one day......

im gonna pretend to do homework

[8:20pm] idiot⚡: okie... good luck my sweet baby pogchamp 🥰

[8:20pm] y/n: no

[8:20pm] Idiot⚡: 😘😘😘

[8:22pm] y/n: 🙄✋

[8:23pm] Idiot⚡: oh FUCK yas 🥵 shut me UP

[8:25pm] y/n: suddenly all i feel is endless regret

[8:26pm] Idiot⚡: i have that effect on people

See you tomorrow 🥰🥰🥰

[8:27pm] y/n: unfortunately 😘

[8:27pm] idiot⚡: 🥵

You flung an arm over your eyes and let a small giggle bubble up from your chest. Nishinoya was probably the biggest idiot you’d ever met, but you couldn’t help that thinking of spending time with him had you kicking your feet with excitement.

You supposed you should actually get started on your homework. You reached forward when a notification popped up from Yachi, asking if her idea worked and you had stopped liking Nishinoya.

...you should probably break the news, huh?

#nishinoya yuu #nishinoya imagine #nishinoya scenarios #nishinoya yu x reader #nishinoya x reader #nishinoya yu #tanaka ryuunosuke #yachi hitoka #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #hq nishinoya #nishinoya #nishinoya yū #haikyuu #nishinoya yuu x reader #haikyu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyu!!#haikyuu x y/n

371 notes · View notes

tigerdrop · 3 years

Text

in lieu of doing more strenuous hand-based activities heres the Dogboy Gordon In Heat Megamix ive been talking about. i wrote this over the course of a couple months in an effort to feel okay about writing horny shit again and i only just realized there are nearly 6 thousand words here. and they only really fuck for like 10% of that

ta-dah

ive thought a lot about gordon being stuck back at gordonhouse after getting kicked out of barneyhouse. i think its ripe for a lot of pining. (and yes, he is pining over the guy hes actively banging. hes being a big mopey idiot over the fact that he doesnt get to have his fuckbuddy around 24/7.) absence makes the heart grow fonder or whatever and gordons already at a baseline of "wheres benrey. wheres benrey"......and now i am about to turn it up to 11

so lets say......gordons starting to feel weirdly under the weather. sweaty and irritable and tired. hes holing himself up in his room a lot, wrapping himself up in blankets to fight off a chill and a sniffliness that wont go away. and hes gettin awfully moody, too. real fuckin testy. starting shit with freemind for no reason and snapping at og gordon like hes a teenager. and......hes nesting, almost, or at least, gathering up a whole bunch of blankets and pillows and anything that smells vaguely like benrey. (hes not really aware hes doing this last thing.)

basically, long story short, feetman is fucked up. hes pathetic. hes being a huge bitch. at least og gordon feels vaguely sorry for him, and expresses this by way of observing him and trying to treat it. for science. its better than freemind, who just loudly complains about him being a huge bitch and reeking up the place. theres something weird coming from vr gordons corner of the house.....a musky, heady, hormonal kind of thing that makes freemind act simultaneously territorial and irritable and more lascivious than normal. and that also piques og gordons attention, because having both of them be wound up little freaks at the same time is enough to make even the most resilient person pull their hair out

now gordon primes got his suspicions as to whats going on, but hes not gonna tell vr gordon that he suspects hes going into heat. that would compromise the experiment, and all that. so poor gordons just going thru all this shit not knowing what in the fuck is wrong with him and getting more worked up and irritable about it by the day. hes convinced that hes just got the flu, or something......except, uh, haha, jesus christ he is horny all the FUCKING TIME

he doesnt get it! he feels like shit all the time, so why is he constantly fighting off boners and having weird wet dreams and thinking about-- well. his fucking boyfriend, he guesses. (are they boyfriends?? he doesnt know. he gets a weird, sharp pang when he thinks about them not being boyfriends, at this point, but its not like theyve ever talked about it!) gordons half-convinced that hes just losing his mind from being stuck inside all the time and he really just wants to see benrey again. its, like, all he thinks about. (see? hes losing it. theres the proof.)

the sucks thing for everybody else is that gordon is also Extremely Vocal about how shitty he feels and how much he wishes he didnt feel shitty so he could go see benrey and how much he cant stand benrey for not being able to read his mind and come over when he feels bad. eventually freemind gets so sick of his shit that he decides to cut out the middleman and get benrey involved directly. "come take care of your fucking dog before i call the aspca! animal neglect is a crime, asshole!"

(if pressed, freemind would adamantly reject the idea that hes being nice to gordon. but on some level, hes kinda sympathetic. the guys clearly miserable, and he just keeps asking for the same fucking thing. might as well humor him to shut him up.)

vr gordon is completely unaware of these machinations, however. hes just holed up in his room trying to work out what makes him feel better because, uhh, powerade isnt helping

jacking off doesnt do a whole lot for him anymore. like, it feels good, but its not very satisfying. gordon just ends up feeling more restless than anything afterward. and hes always stupid horny. more blankets. a box fan. less blankets. sleeping with one of benreys shirts pressed up to his face. grinding into his pillow when he wakes up hard from yet another weird dream. theyre all a little helpful, and he feels like hes working towards the right thing, somehow, but its never really enough to take the edge off

and then.....he tries......jerking off more. especially when he realizes that its bizarrely soothing to do so while he can smell benrey up close and personal on that stupid shirt of his. better still when he rolls onto his side.....and then his stomach.......rocking his hips into the mattress until he gets the idea to lift his hips a little. and......oh. cool. something kind of......clicks. in his head. as he raises his hips higher while he keeps his arms wrapped around a pillow and benreys shirt jammed against his nose. hes got that lil moment of realization that this is good, actually. this feels like a good move. and its making some of that discomfort melt away

and gordon thinks about.....how it felt. earlier. when they were with barmey. and benrey had him just like this, ass up, face down, and was spreading him apart and licking him open and making him submit and he groans so fucking hard that embarassment just rips through him like lightning. but his tail starting to wag a little faster.....electricity shooting through his belly......and he cant help but wonder. what if benrey had kept going? pulled back and-- maybe, replaced his tongue with his fingers, one at a time, curling them inside him and telling him how well hes behaving and-- and his dick throbs, hard, and gordon realizes he wants fingers inside of himself right fucking now, thank you, hes not fully certain how to accomplish it be he is going to fucking try

(sigh) so my guy figures out about the old fingers in the ass trick. and i need you to understand that i am fully convinced that this is one of those guys who has an uproarious reaction to getting fingers in his ass. mr repressed and uptight over here doesnt really get what the big deal is until he gets braver and pushes a little deeper and hes rock hard in an instant, goodbye, just like everybodys favorite creative writing exercise

and this is what he decides to do for a solid day or two without leaving his room, because, honestly, this is awesome. and the longer he spends jerking off the less time he spends stressing about the fact that his imaginations getting really vivid, here. sure, like, hes no stranger to weird dreams even before this, but this is the first time hes really letting his mind run wild and this dude is nonstop thinking about being bred and gordon still has no fucking idea that hes in heat. doesnt even occur to him

unfortunately this also does not solve his problems but at least it feels baller and it keeps him occupied. also, unfortunately, the increased rate of jerking off is causing a serious uptick in Dog Smells, the effect of which is turning freemind into a nightmare. its just not good vibes in this house. enter: benrey

now i need you to understand that when these two meet up again i want gordon to get Emotional. think about how genuinely excited he gets to see some of his pals in canon. the like......excitement and disbelief when benrey shows up outside his window throwing rocks at it before noclipping in. he forgets to even act pissed off at first. i think it would be super fucking cute for him to drop the game for a moment just out of shock, basically. his tails waggin, his ears are perked up, and hed probably tackle benrey to the ground if he wasnt also a sweaty, trembling mess whos been holed up in his room for days.

and benrey has No Fucking Idea what he has walked in on here. as far as benrey knows, freemind just demanded he get over there and take care of his dog.

(INTERLUDE: here is the part where i gin up a freemind POV of this exact scene. b/c i am out of my fucking mind

so. i had the thought of a freemind POV chapter where hes spying on gordon and benrey.....because. gordons in heat. ive talked about that scenario before too (literally so many FUCKING times okay i just need this dude to have the uncontrollable urge to be bred like a little bitch! and for benrey to take pity on him and make him feel better by nutting in him literally as many times as is physically possible!!!)

but i wanna manifest it in this specific way: from an outside perspective. voyeurism is great and also i have a one track mind and basically the only time i traffic in Other Guys in this fandom anymore is as a participant in gordon and benreys horse shit. Im not apologizing for this

lets say.....vr gordons behavior has been getting worse and worse for "unknown reasons" and freeman prime just sees it as a key observational opportunity for his research. while freeminds getting really irritated at how much its cutting into his normal way of life. for one thing, vr gordons room reeks, and he cant even escape it in his own room! and its turning him into a feisty, aggressive, and loud son of a bitch. but he cant even resolve it in his usual fashion at this point (baiting vr gordon into another competition/fuckfest) b/c gordons being a little sadsack holed up in his room and doesnt wanna play

but also.....he kinda just feels bad for the guy at a certain point. hes clearly really miserable and looks downright ill and all hes asking for is to see his boytoy again. (gordons convinced that hes dying, and feels the need to dramatically speak to benrey one last time before he croaks.) so freemind decides, in all his benevolence, to go over gordon primes head and drag the guy over there anyway. (with machinations, not his literal bare hands. what is he, a caveman?) he reasons that itll be a good opportunity to twist gordons arm into groveling at his feet later

and he spies on the two of them in gordons room.....why? idk. possibly something to do with investigating this relationship between a gordon and a barney that he had yet to fully analyze. tl;dr he gets trapped in their closet for a remix of that one barmey voyeurism chapter b/c why the fuck not

i just.....i dont know.....i think theres something really charming about a 3rd party not being able to fully make out what theyre saying or doing but piecing things together anyway.....like benreys weirdly soft tone of voice when hes talking to a super agitated gordon. as far as any of them know, hes not really like that. he either sounds bored or smug, but either way, its usually straight-up antagonistic

it would make freemind bristle to hear it b/c its almost a mocking tone, but.....it makes gordons shoulders drop and gets him to let go of some of that tension and thats probably fascinating to watch. literally soothing him like a stressed out dog, huh. smoothing back his hair and murmuring things in a low, even tone that freeminds enhanced hearing still isnt good enough to make out. (the guy mumbles, okay? he needs a fucking toastmasters meetup.)

it would equal parts horrify and fascinate freemind, in my onion. watching a version of himself fall that hard into the loyal pet role.....its pathetic! for all that gordon goes on about not being a slave to his instinct or whatever, he sure is doing a bad job of acting like it! its like watching himself, but worse.

and benreys having to soothe him like a startled animal b/c he doesnt even know whats wrong with himself, but theres something thick enough on the air that even benrey can smell it, and hes taking some stabs at the dark. especially with how charged some of the shit gordons saying is......"i cant fucking take it anymore", "you smell so good", "i dont know whats wrong with me, man, my dick hasnt gone down for days and im pretty sure i need a doctor-- no, a real one, not the other gor-- NOT a vet, JESUS"

and the whole time.....freeminds peeking from behind a closet door. watching them devolve from outright hostility into "gordon climbing into benreys lap and shoving one of benreys hands up his shirt and demanding that he fucking touch him already"

normally i dont think freemind would be averse to a little bit of voyeurism, here. if it was anybody else, hed probably at least engage in a little heavy petting. but this is getting weird, man. he cant shake the uncanny feeling that this is something too intimate for him to be watching. for one thing, gordons whimpering like a goddamn dog just from a little necking, and for two, hes never really been the kind of guy to watch people make out for 15 minutes before they get to the good stuff

its just kind of unsettling how much these two clearly really, really like each other at this point. its not like watching gordon prime give vr gordon a handjob as part of a "test". freemind expected more of a hatefuck kind of deal out of these two, what with how often gordons normally going on about how much he hates the guy, what a pain in the ass benrey is, how he just wishes benrey would stop jerking him around.....etc. freemind could shit himself right now. that lying bitch!

i imagine its also kind of painful, on a personal level, for him to watch this borderline-sappy shit. he cant even fathom being on the receiving end of that behavior, let alone from......well. theyve all got their barneys, right? and gordon primes basically doomed himself to incel status b/c he wont nut up and do anything about it. freemind just assumed they were all in the same boat: cursed to casual sex with their roommates/clones, forever, and unable to achieve any kind of intimacy b/c all 3 gordons are fucked up in the exact same way. since theyre all just diff flavors of the same fucking guy, right?

well, theres the evidence that hes wrong. and that vr gordons better than him, somehow. thats gotta suck, bro

anyway then he watches vr gordon get railed in the ass a bunch and jerks off anyway b/c its still hot. see ya)

“take care of your dog”. huh. hes got no clue what that means but, yknow, he does kinda miss his dog. hasnt seen gordon in awhile. and he immediately comments "wow. you look fucked up" in as blunt and unsympathetic a way as possible. but gordons so far gone that he cant even work up a good anger about it. he is pretty fucked up, man. and benrey sits on the bed and slaps his forehead with a palm to take his temperature (and that gets gordon to bitch at him, finally, that thats not how you do it, asshole) and judges that, uh, he is hot. in his expert opinion

and thats when gordon kinda grabs his sleeve and tugs it and starts tryin to say something. hes really bad at it, because he is having to perform the mortifying task of Owning Up To It, but eventually he manages to grind out that he needs benrey to touch him, please. just pet him. something. he feels really bad and he just needs benrey to scratch his fucking ears. this is the most gordon can cop to in one go, and it is such a sad struggle to watch, but benreys caught off guard by it and he feels weirdly bad for gordon upon hearing it so hes just like "whoa, okay" when gordon tugs his hand to his head

gordon groans the moment his fingernails start scratching behind the ears and digging into his scalp. even just that much feels really fucking good. its comforting, for one thing, and its benrey, for another, and the physical touch feels so fucking good right now that goosebumps are crawling down his neck. gordon cant help but lean against benrey and bury his head in the crook of his shoulder. he wants to hide his face from scrutiny and he wants to get closer but he doesnt know how to say what his fucking problem is

and benreys weirdly quiet. just kinda mumbling and shushing him intermittently, awkward and not sure what to do b/c this is a level of intimacy he was not expecting but gordons sure is responding nicely to a second hand in his hair

so having both of benreys hands scratching at his scalp is really getting to gordon. hes scritchin behind the ears and gordons tails wagging at a mile a minute. the feelings making goosebumps race down his neck and arms. he starts kind of mumbling something into benreys shoulder, how hes been feeling so fucked up lately, and he squirms a little closer. hes not really aiming for anywhere in particular but every neuron thats firing in him right now is telling him to get closer. make contact. he missed the fucking guy, what can he say.

and one of benreys hands......slips down to gordons face. his jaw. a thumb pushing into that soft little divot between his jaw and neck, like hes trying to push up into gordons fucking teeth. its weird and bizarrely intrusive, but benreys hand is broad and warm and gordon leans into it anyway, groaning with relief. its not like its not doing anything for him. kind of the opposite, actually. then he palms at gordons neck, and gordon starts breathing harder. he can feel his heartbeat rabbit-fast, pushing against benreys skin (and theres no way benrey isnt feeling that, too).

benrey eyes are lidded and his breaths starting to get heavier, too. naturally, yknow, since gordons practically draped over him right now, melting all the more the longer benrey keeps petting him. oxytocin is crazy, man, especially when a guys in the full throes of some kind of chemical meltdown of the glands. gordons eyes are screwed shut, tail thumping furiously against the bed, and hes panting at benreys neck like hes a fucking dog. he just doesnt know how to articulate what the fuck his problem is

benrey smells insanely good to him right now, and gordon just blurts that out. benrey gives him some shit for it, but when gordon only makes a weird noise in response and fists his hands in benreys hoodie, it makes him shut up real quick. hes squeezing out words about feeling like he needs something, but its clearly a fucking effort. its almost pitiful

so. gordons crawled right into benreys lap, too impatient after days and days of feeling like this (you know, being in heat, in so many words). hes been pounding off like crazy, that brand new collar of his strapped to his neck nearly every time b/c hes that desperate to feel… well. *benrey*. he cant fucking jerk off to thoughts of anything else - porn doesnt do it for him, and his fantasies slip right back to the same thing every single time. its frustrating! hes bisexual, for gods sake! its not like hes normally immune to the wiles of the Phat Ass White Girl, but lately he just keeps ending up on his hands and knees and whining benreys name into his pillow and he couldnt focus on a girls rack if he tried

point being. hes being awfully fucking demanding. (and also, hes wearing the collar *right fucking now)*. he shoves benreys hand up his shirt and shivers the moment he makes contact with gordons burning-hot flesh. and hes demanding that benrey touch him already, jesus, hes losing his mind! and benreys just crooning at him, “bossy, huh,” but hes scritching gordons ears and palming at his side and nosing at gordons neck and gordon starts to feel like hes melting into it. his protests at being talked down to are perfunctory at best

benrey licks a stripe up gordons neck and starts muttering his stupid horseshit right in gordons ear and it makes gordon clutch his shoulders so tight, claws digging into the meat of him. benreys kind of into it, though, and it just makes him laugh, low and harsh and right in gordons ear. that just makes gordons problem worse. he lets out quiet, nasal whines on every exhale, like a literal fucking dog.

he starts teasing, like, “haha, you’re *gagging* for it, bro,” but gordon doesnt respond with the defensiveness he expects. instead, its like opening a floodgate - he is, hes fucking *desperate*, okay, his dick hasnt gone down in days and he wants benrey so bad he cant see straight and he cant stop thinking about him and all of this comes tumbling out of him at once. gordons trying to press himself as close to benrey as he can physically get, legs straddling benreys lap and arms clutched tight around his back. and when benrey prods a little more, tells gordon to say what hes been thinkin about, gordon starts to pant, squeezing his eyes shut. but he cant bring himself to do anything more than choke and stutter on the words

hes half-hard in his underwear already (and, lets be be clear, he was only in boxer briefs and a tank top to begin with. hes sweating buckets and its the least amount of clothing he could get away with wearing around the house) and his tails thumping a mile a minute and hes so far gone, just from benrey talking down to him and kissing his neck and scratching his ears. but hes not budging yet, so benrey slides that hand on his ears over to his ponytail and *yanks*. tells him, “speak.” gordons dick twitches rapidly, and he lets out a sharp sound, and he finally says it: he needs benrey to *fuck* him, jesus

benrey lets out a harsh breath at that. “yeah? thats what puppy wants?” and the nickname should blister him, make him feel to embarrassed to continue, but gordons too desperate to care. he just starts spewing a litany of “god yes”s and “please”s. hes getting harder and harder, pressed up against benreys belly, and benrey can *feel* it. “good boy,” he mutters, and those claws dig harder, that panting gets louder and harsher

he slips a hand around to gordons back, rubbing slowly for a moment as if to soothe him, and then slides it under the back of gordons boxers. and lower still. starts rubbing at gordons hole. that gets a quiet “oh god” out of gordon.

gordon cant help himself - he rocks forward against benrey, just a little, rubbing his bulge against what he realizes is benreys *extremely* hard dick in his sweatpants. hes not the only one whos got it bad. but he *is* the only one whispering, “fuck, fuck, fuck,” as benrey pushes a little further, makes as if hes about to breach gordon dry. the poor guys so needy that he probably wouldnt even argue!

but benrey just stares at him, wide eyed and flushed, mouth hanging open a little. gordons so hot for this that it surprises the both of them.

anyway after some boring position finagling benrey coaxes gordon onto his hands and knees, running a broad hand down gordons shaking back. and he pulls back gordons tail, exposing him. its so fucking humiliating - gordons got his face buried in a pillow, and his ass in the air, and hes never felt so *vulnerable* before. he wants to argue, he wants to lift his head and look back to make sure that everythings, like, okay back there - benreys staring at his entire asshole, okay, and he wasnt exactly anticipating benrey making a house call to fuck him in the ass - but every time he lifts his head, or starts to say something neurotic about it, benrey chides him about it. clicks his tongue. tells him, “hey. dogs dont talk” or “i said *bow*, bro”.

for all his insisting that hes a real guy, that hes not just a dog, gordons feeling less and less like a human and more like something in thrall to his instincts. the condescension rankles like it always does, but doing what benrey tells him to feels good. feels natural. presenting himself like this feels like what hes *supposed* to do. it doesnt stop him from running his mouth entirely, but it helps to mitigate some of the embarrassment.

and then… benrey *licks*. gordon tenses and gasps. he doesnt know how benrey can stand it, its gotta be, like, unhygienic! but that didnt scare him off the last time they tried this, and its not like gordon hasnt thought about it since. hes thought about it a lot, actually. but hes been too neurotic to ask for it. benreys not stupid, though. hes a good dog owner (at least, so he thinks) and hes gonna take care of his dog. so he licks again, and again, pressing a little harder against gordons hole on each pass with the broad side of his tongue until he dares to breach it with the tip.

gordons rock hard again in an instant. his dick hangs between his legs and drips onto the sheets. he digs his fingers into the pillow now, tearing holes in its surface with those sharp nails of his, and he makes embarrassingly high noises that he muffles into into the pillow, too. hes tense, hes so fucking tense, he should be clamping down and making benreys task really fucking hard, but theres bright pink sweet voice dripping from his hole and benreys rubbing the side of his thigh in an effort to soothe him and both of these things work in tandem to get him to relax. and benrey works his tongue in further, further than a human ought to.

the tip was one thing, but it gets wider as benrey pushes it in, and its just as good as it was before - better, even, because now its just the two of them, just a master and his dog, and benreys the only one he wants to see him like this. bent over and whimpering. he cant— he cant stomach the thought of anybody else doing this to him. hell, there was a point once where the idea of stomaching *benrey* doing this to him would have made him laugh. but here he is. benreys fucking him open with his tongue and pressing against something thats making him see stars and gordon just wants *more*. he says it so sweet, too, voice growing hoarse and raw as he begs benrey to just fucking do it already, he doesnt wanna come like this!

gordon gets so worked up and emotional about it that benrey takes the time to scratch behind his ears again, shushing him and telling him to chill. benreys got him. hes been a good dog, and good dogs get treats. hearing the words “good dog” makes gordons entire body flush. thats all he wants, really. he wants to be a good dog. he wants to be *told*. he blurts out, “oh my god— say it again,” and benreys like, “huh? say what? youre gonna have to be more specific,” clicking the last syllable. it makes all the hairs on gordons head rise and prickle with shame. the best he can do is mumble it into his pillow.

benrey hears it, though, and tugs at gordons collar from behind, just enough to raise his head. “whassat? you want me to call you a good boy?” gordon cant bring himself to answer that directly, but his stupid body betrays him by making him whine. jesus christ, yes, thats all he WANTS! he needs benrey to be good and nice to him for once in his fucking life and give him what he wants instead of taking, taking, taking! but benrey just tells him that hes gonna have to earn it. gonna have to be *real* good for him. gordon could fucking snarl at that, but benreys pulling back to rub his dick between gordons cheeks and against his hole and that shuts him up pretty fast because hes *so close* to getting what he wants and hes not about to fuck it up now by running his big dumb mouth

and then… he starts to push in. that sweet voice has loosened gordon up enough to take even benrey, who, uh, is definitely the bigger of the two, in that regard. he goes slow, uncharacteristically so, and gordons chest heaves with the force of how hard hes breathing. a quiet string of “oh god”s spills out of him as he tries to crane his neck back to watch. the head breaches him with a strange popping sensation, and benrey groans, loud, as the rest of him slides in with little resistance in comparison. “good,” he pants in turn, “youre takin it so good,” and—

and gordon comes, in weak, aborted spurts. it snuck up on him. he clenches so fucking tightly that it winds benrey a little. he breathes out, “whoa. did you—” but gordon just begs him to shut up, keep going, hes not— hes not done yet, its always like this, its not *enough*. his dick barely even flags afterward, it just hangs there, achingly hard and dripping with cum. benrey cant even find it in himself to make fun of him. he wants it so fucking bad, doesnt he? and he feels so good, so fucking tight and slick around benrey that the only thought running through his head is “gotta take care of my dog gotta fuck my best friend gotta nut in him and make him howl”. so he pushes himself alllll the way in until theyre pressed together, skin to skin.

then he starts to move. slow, careful thrusts, more for benreys benefit than gordons. if hes not careful, hes gonna blow his load, right then and there, and hes trying to make it good for gordon, too, okay? unlike *some* of them, hes not gonna bust in two minutes and then spend the next half hour crying and trauma-dumping to the guy hes still got his dick inside of.

once he thinks hes got a grip, though, benrey starts fucking him in earnest, and that changes gordons vocalizations from weak little whimpers into something louder. less restrained. hes given up any pretense of being quiet so that his other selves dont hear that hes snuck his boytoy into his room. just loud, wordless moans on each thrust, initially muffled into the pillow but soon spilling into the wider room when he turns his head to catch his breath. the only words hes managing are “oh god” and “please” and “benrey, benrey, *benrey*”, and benrey just responds to him like, “yeah? thats good? fuuuck, bro, so good for me,” all short of breath and barely able to speak himself

he wants to see gordons face. he *needs* to see gordons face. needs to see what hes doing to him, needs to see that cute fuckin blush of his. so he tugs on gordons collar again, bringing him to his hands and knees properly instead of that bowing position. and then further still - pulls him back so that benreys on his knees, and gordons on his knees in turn, on his lap, cock still buried inside of him and fucking him in short, hurried thrusts. “paws up,” benrey tells him, and gordon does it. instantly. no resistance. just folds them at his chest like a real dog would.

“whos a good boy?” benrey croons, right in his ear again. gordon gasps, “i-i am!”

“yeah? youre a good boy?” nod, wail. “whose— whose good boy are you?”

and gordon chokes on his response. he cant say it, he *cant*, he doesnt want to be benreys but he does, he *does*. he doesnt want to be benreys because its not fucking fair! he cares so fucking much! so much more than benrey does, it feels like, obsessing over the guy like hes wrapped thorny vines all around gordons heart and he cant so much as shift in his seat without feeling the tug and the ache and thinking of benrey again. and benrey doesnt care, he never fucking cares, except—

except he showed up at gordons house, in his room. without even being asked. like he knew something was wrong. and he— hes always talking to gordon, shooting him stupid texts just to make him laugh. scheduling *date nights* for them. date nights where, yeah, maybe they couldnt see each other in person, and maybe they always end in some kind of depraved sexual act, but its not like gordons not into it. hes frighteningly into it, actually. and hes *so* into hearing benreys voice, low and crooning, right in his ear, and seeing him lean on an elbow and smile at him afterward. its— its practically genuine. and benreys always making excuses to talk with him, do things with him, watch stupid fucking movies that only gordon cares about and stream with him on twitch to help boost his subscriber count and—

and—

oh god. maybe he *does* care. that might be more terrifying than the alternative.

then benrey yanks the collar again. presses the whole of gordons back against his front in one hot, unbroken line. and asks, “i said, whose good boy are you, bro? *speak.*”

“benrey,” he blurts out, a ragged moan, “d-dont make me sa-AY it, oh god—”

“no?” benrey stills suddenly. his hands keep gordon stuck in place, unable to move or bounce or feel benrey shift inside of him. “thats, uh… thats too bad, friend. this trains for good boys only. good dogs go to heaven 2. no bad dogs allowed. gonna have to, uhh, escort you off—”

“im not a bad dog!”

“i dunno, gordo. bein’ kind of, uh… disobedient.”

(sorry. thats all i got . byeeee)

#this is so far from finished b/c A) im a coward now and B) typing qith my left hand sucks so i dont wanna do it right now. Sorry #writin stuff

41 notes · View notes