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“Am I just tired or do my friends hate me” is a real fuckin mood, lads. A real hard real loud mood right now.

Except like. Continuously. For like a week with no end. I’m so exhausted. I’m tired. I’m … sad? Idk. Numb.

I really fucking need a hug.

I need a hug and just a lil reassurance or care. Not much. Just… a little.

#at least i can pinpoint my big two stressors aggravating anxiety and stress into extremes, #one is being quarantined within quarantine literally until mid november, #and being treated like a leper for existing in my own home, #its 1000% isolating and extremely... extremely tiring, #anxiety exacerbating it does not help. paranoia does not help. emotional exhaustion... does not help., #i had a literal emotional breakdown last night., #and it was... bad. i got myself through it but... pbbh., #havent told anyone about it bc why would i bother somebody with that?, #people dont have the time or energy to put up with me for long, #and number two anyway lol, #is that i have slept. a cumulative 2-4 hours MAX a night for the last week and a half, #i really hope they call about that sleep study soon because i cant do this shit anymore, #my body is just giving up and my mental health is taking the violent brunt of it, #i feel.... i dont know. its NOT good., #but im also really highkey afraid to reach out to people for reassurance that they like, #idfk know. like me? actually want to be around me or spend time with me??, #it gets fucking annoying after a while and people dont have the time or care to put up with it, #and it sounds clingy. it sounds needy. it sounds shitty like i need to be babysat, #i dont. this time has been hard on everyone and not just me, #but it HAS been hard on *me* too, #people just dont... see it? care?, #i just...... need a little reassurance, #an emotional hug if you will, #maybe its annoying, #but a little reassurance like..., #you matter. its okay. i care about you., #that my time and existence is valuable to people, #aw fuck. ive fucking made myself cry again, #i dont expect it... but it would be nice
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ive seen a couple of fics where sokka gets zuko to drink and have fun and thats so funny to me cause like.

sokka kept a schedule down to the SECOND. he was the was the last man in his tribe he HAD to be responsible and it showed. fanon always has sokka getting into all kinds of shenanigans when like?? he was literally the one to (rightfully) call out aang’s little vacation stops. he resented bending. if anyone’s a little narc-y its sokka

now ZUKO on the other hand? a literal criminal. a fugitive to the fire nation even before he joined the gang. has broken into what, 3 high security facilities? with a hair trigger impulse control. you’re telling me this kid with his heaping daddy issues and pertual angst who LIVED WITH THE NAVY for THREE YEARS isnt a fucking alcoholic? ok

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(Book excerpts from Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland, Aneta Jadowska’s Trup na plaży i inne sekrety rodzinne, Anne Ursu’s The Shadow Thieves as translated by Iwona Michałowska-Gabrych and Aneta Jadowska’s Dzikie dziecko miłości.)

I was tagged by @bitchesofostwick (thank you so much, Isabella!) to describe myself using only pictures from my phone. I used the pictures taken only this year - between 1.10.2019 and 1.10.2020 - and it was a struggle not to make the whole set Ace Attorney. ^^’

This is quite a personal meme so I’m tagging only @bluekaddis, @etoilebinaire, @visionmarred and whoever wants to do it! No pressure, of course.

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