#BUT it's still important to know even the stereotypically cool nice people can be gross

[formulatrash]

f1 shipping gets kind of weird for me to begin with. i have seen people get into HEATED arguments about which ship is better and every time i just think people understand these ships aren't real right? half of these men are publicly in romantic relationships with women. there are a few who go out of their ways to say they won't do certain, really just regular activities that platonic friends could do together, with other men because they don't want to be perceived as gay. and i don't really fault them for that because i see how cruel fans are when drivers show they're accepting and inclusive by voluntarily wearing rainbow symbols or just simply saying they believe in equality, love is love, etc., but idk there's still something so gross about usually straight fans telling me certain drivers are like icons and activists for the LGBTQ+ community due to simply having a PR "relationship" or close friendship with other drivers on the grid. i love a nice sportsmanship moment or genuine friendship moment as much as the next fan, but that isn't "activism." that's doing NOTHING to address or prevent the abuse LGBTQ+ fans receive, especially in f1 spaces, both online and at races.

also idk i hate how every time teams or f1 themselves try to push these ships and bromances, the comments usually range from hateful and discriminatory to outdated stereotypes. and those harmful comments are NEVER deleted by admins. like, okay, cool, that's a really cute carlando or yukierre or whatever photo f1 or mclaren or ferrari or alphatauri has posted, but this does NOTHING for making me feel more accepted when a) it's fictional. it's friendships, some maybe closer than others, but it's not really LGBTQ+ representation. (at least not outwardly. i am not trying to assume anyone's sexual orientation here either, but none of these relationships have been confirmed real, and frankly, i don't think teams would be as open to publicizing these relationships like this if they were real romantic relationships, like some fans believe, due to drawback from homophobic fans, sponsors, etc.). b) how is this supposed to make anyone feel welcome and accepted when half the comments are like "who's the man and who's the woman in that relationship?" (something i fucking hate being asked myself. if i wanted a man in my relationship, i would just fucking be with a man).

idek if this makes sense or if i really even made the point i was trying to make but it bothers me too.

a lot here so, idk, apologies if I don't quite answer it all but I will give a try.

shipping wars in general are pretty weird to me, especially that something that feels so antique (like, Yahoo Groups-era internet) is going stronger than ever today.

that said, I think people who are completely aware it's fiction having some blorbos they like thinking about is also completely harmless. for a lot of people shipping whatever is a source of joy and play and to some extent companionship and it can create lots of good things. humans are meant to think things through by playing and sometimes dressing up the dolls you're doing that with in, I don't know, Star Trek uniforms or F1 racesuits or whatever is just the blorbo seasoning of the week.

it would absolutely nuke my brain to read. uhm, idk, I just looked in the F1 tag and pretty much anything in there as far as I can tell but I think it's fundamentally harmless as something people do, when it's understood as fictional.

that said; I fully get you about the mistaking shipping for activism thing. this actually, oh, let's get deep in the internet lore, used to be a big thing on here about 10 years ago. for whatever reason the Johnlock community went like, big on shipping pride and how it was an important expression of LGBTQ+ identity and inevitably, the loudest advocates were the straightest. cringe.

now, on the one hand I do think there's something to be said for queer interpretations. especially in the rigidly straight mainstreams of sport and media. if you think of reinterpreting the silly, silly world that is F1 as not for straight people then, well. yes, there's something radical to be said for that thought process.

imagining another possibility is a way to realise how absurd the current reality is. and that's good. but pointing at things and saying 'that's gay' when as far as we know it's not isn't that.

appropriating straight people (and many of the drivers have confirmed that is absolutely how they identify) as representation is, well, sometimes I can understand why LGBTQ+ people take crumbs. but when it's in a space where there are none of us then calling that acceptable or suggesting it fixes a huge demographic imbalance it doesn't is obviously a massive problem.

there are very few openly LGBTQ+ people in motorsport. pretending that's not true in reality isn't creating representation. it's fun to think about a world where there was more of us but it shouldn't replace the reality or excuse our absence.

and then there's the cynical marketing.

I've always really hated Jeandré. I know how many LGBTQ+ people were in the Formula E paddock at the time because I was one of them. clearly, JEV and André played into it, as did their team and Formula E but it was always so uncomfortable to me, that this was play-acting in an environment where the real thing would probably have got more of a pass than in any other part of motorsport but still not been treated with pride and acceptance.

it was something that drove engagement. which, god knows, Formula E needs so maybe that should be the next marketing tactic but it was also... not real.

I've said before I found things like all Sky's Carlando segments really uncomfortable. the one where Lando and Carlos took each other on laps and asked each other very dating-oriented questions was just... very uncomfortable. because men can ask each other dating-oriented questions, it shouldn't be a punchline.

to their credit Carlos and Lando actually always deflected any attempt at 'no homo' - they clearly have a very comfortable friendship and they didn't ever seem to get skittish, no matter how weird interviews got. I can respect just sort of seriously looking someone down and saying like, no you blink first if this is gay chicken. if you're trying to ship us, you've got to admit it.

but that didn't make it right. or make it that they were representation. remember when there was that seriously odd blog on here that claimed to be written by marketing specialists and body language analysts that was a transparent attempt to 'prove' carlando was true and both Lando and Carlos' official relationships were fake?

that felt very strange, a new development in motorsport fandom. obviously we all know it happened with One Direction and whatever but I was surprised to see that there was a ship that invested in, in F1. and needless to say, it was completely libellous and incredibly invasive, as well as quite misogynist.

shipping won't help a driver come out. and acting as though it's totally unrealistic that drivers could be in a relationship together obviously ignores the fact that some of them are (Jess and Abbie!)

anyway as a bonus piece of analysis for anyone who got down this far, when did Max/Charles go past the F1 RPF titan that is Simi for number of works??? unbelievable, never thought I'd see the day that was knocked off the top spot by two ships involving Max Verstappen. poor ol' brocedes.

#f1 asks

[scatterpatter]

Corren - 1 through 100 - You did this to yourself.

FUCK YOU *UN-IRONICS YOUR ASK*

UNDER THE FUCKING CUT

1. What do they smell like?

Bad. Do you think their party is able to regularly take showers? I thinketh the fuck not. ... Pine and old books when he can self care tho.

2. What is their voice like?

Listen I know Corren, being taller, would be more likely to have a deeper register but you'll tear "tenor Corren" out of my cold dead hands

3. What is their biggest motivator?

Spite.

4. What is their most embarrassing memory?

When he first met his BFF Alondra, he was so antisocial and good at ignoring people that she actually got the impression he might have been hard of hearing. She never let him live that down. (one day I'll finish this fic i promise)

5. How do they deal with/react to pain?

"I will keep all of my pain in here, and one day I'll die." ... Okay but listen he's squishy so he takes like one hit and is bloodied up. Someone get him a healer. Pls.

6. What do they like to wear?

He likes his cloak. Its weighty and soft(well. WAS soft. got a bit of wear and tear these days.) and like. Who doesnt love cloaks.

7. Which of their relationships have impacted them most positively?

Ohhhhh fuuuccck this one's tough. I might have to go with Torvid honestly. While the entire party has had a positive impact on him(and trust me I was this close to picking Alistair), Torvid's been more of the one to call him out on his bullshit and to, oh I don't know, talk about your emotions? Ever??? Yknow BEFORE they become too much to handle and he absolutely breaks down???

8. What’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten?

Alistair's cooking.

9. Describe the way that they sleep.

Good luck finding him NOT cuddled up with at least one dog. Tbh he just enjoys cuddles in general.

10. What is their favorite food/kind of food?

FUCKIN. GIVE HIM A GOOD STEAK. THIS BOY IS MOSTLY CARNIVORISTIC.

11. What do they feel most insecure about?

As tempted as I am to say "His cooking", it's actually his singing.

12. How do they like to dress?

"Comfort over flashiness tbh. I gotta go ADVENTURING in whatever I wear after all."

"... Also don't you DARE perceive me as cishet."

13. How do they react to feelings of guilt?

Call him a genie because he will BOTTLE THAT SHIT UP.

14. How do they react to/deal with betrayal?

Denial :D

15. What is their greatest achievement?

Shrike: Killing his dad

Me: NOOOOOO

EDIT: WAIT THIS WAS ANSWERED IN Q99 WHAT THE HECK

16. What are they like when they’ve gotten too little sleep?

Somehow more of a dick than usual. Snappy and cranky and just. Mrehhh.

17. What are they like when they’re drunk?

Doesn't get drunk often, but when he does I imagine he's actually giggly and a little clingy. It's cute :)

18. What kind of music do they enjoy?

*Opens my Corren playlist* Oh yeah. It's either full edgy alt rock or indie alt "depressed millenial" tracks.

19. Are they right or left handed?

FFFuuhhhhck uhhhh well

Looking over my old art I can't seem to pick a dominant hand(I've even drawn him handling his sniper with either hand???????????) so like oops guess he's ambidextrous.

20. Fears?

The dark, the ocean, dying alone and forgotten, his friends losing their trust of him

21. Favorite kind of weather?

Rain!!!! Especially cool rain like what people often get in fall months.

22. Favorite color?

Indigo!!!

23. Do they collect anything?

Books :3

24. Do they prefer either hot or cold weather more?

Cold weather by far.

25. What is their eye color?

Electric blue!

26. What is their race/ethnicity?

Well his race is a homebrew race known as Marelienth. Uhhh ethnicity? Idk he's from a mountain town way up north *shrugs*

In human aus I imagine him as half-Mongolian half-Norwegian so ayee

27. Hair color?

Black!

28. Are they happy where they are currently?

No :D He loves adventuring with his party don't get me wrong but he still has a lot of trauma to unpack. ... Also he was just possibly broken up with soooo. :/

29. Are they a morning person?

NOPE.

30. Sunrise or sunset?

*motions to above question* Sunset.

31. Are they more messy or more organized?

More organized, actually!

32. Pet peeves?

*unravels a list. It's all shit the party has done. Mostly Alistair.*

33. Do they own any objects of significant personal importance?

HOOUSIDSJFK- HE- Y-YEAH HE SURE DOES

His amethyst pendant used to belong to his brother, Julian, and he gave it to Corren right before they were separated so you BET it's sentimental as shit and he wears it daily.

34. Least favorite food?

Mecha's usually a great cook but one time trolled him with some absurdly spicy curry he couldn't handle and he's never forgiven them.

35. Least favorite color?

Hmmm. Maybe... yellow?

36. Least favorite smell?

He spent a year with his party in a damp cave and no showers, so uh. I'll give you a guess.

37. When was the last time they cried?

Literally last night in our game's timeline :D Full breakdown and everything!

38. Were they with anybody the last time they cried?

Torvid :D He was there to comfort

39. Tell us about one of the times they got injured?

One time they were in combat and Corren took a few hits and was down to about 2hp or so. He had a temporary level thanks to Kieran, which boosted his HP a little bit. When he teleported them to a safe town, though, well... Torvid was waiting for them so that's cool. But uh. Yeah that temporary level wore off then and there, dropping Corn Cob to exactly 0hp and he just- flopped down face first in the snow and started dying then and there KJNDKLFNSLKN

40. Do they have any scars?

:)

Do you want to talk about the scar over his eye from a fight he got in with his dad or like. The scars on his limbs from the time he was literally experimented on.

41. Do they struggle with any mental health issues?

:)

Undiagnosed+Untreated Anxiety, Depression, DPDR, PTSD, just to name a few

42. Do they have any bad habits?

Running away from his problems, definitely.

43. Why might someone dislike them?

He's a pretentious nerd. He can be a dick if he doesn't care about you.

44. Why might someone love them?

He's an adorable nerd! He's a hopeless romantic and oddly enough an optimist. He's passionate and driven too!

45. Do they believe in ghosts?

Well ghosts are like- a canon proven thing in his world sooo. Yeah.

46. Is there anyone they would trust with their lives?

His party. Well- most in his party.

47. Are they romantically interested in anyone?

Nethyl :)

48. Are they dating/married to anyone?

He's dating Nethyl and they're in a happy and healthy relationship :) *politely ignores canon*

49. Do they like surprises?

NO >:(

50. When is their birthday?

Heroya 5th! I think. I don't wanna check, assume it's this.

51. How do they usually celebrate their birthday?

"You guys celebrate your watchdays?"

Jokes aside, he mainly just treats himself to a nice dinner and a new book or something :)

52. Do they have any family?

Two older siblings: Julian and Mila. His parents are Andreas and Fanya!

53. Are they close to their family?

... *Coughs*. He was close with his siblings, but Mila died and he hasn't seen Julian in 30 years. Was close with his dad but last time they saw each other, they fought and Corren might have killed him so. ... Yeah. :/

54. What is their MBTI type?

FUCK uh. I... N... T... J? INTJ. Sure.

55. What is their zodiac sign?

In Sekrezia: The eagle

In our world: Uhhh. Idk. Capricorn????

56. What Hogwarts House would they be in?

Uhhh. Ravenclaw??? I know almost nothing about HP :/

57. What D&D alignment are they?

THIS ONE'S EASY- lawful neutral!

58. Do they ever have nightmares? If so, what about?

:)

Used to have typical nightmares, nothing special. Nowadays though he often dreams of being underwater. Not drowning, though. It's... weird. He doesn't like those.

59. What are their views on death?

He's a necromancer lol.

Death is inevitable, though. It's a necessary part of life. Death is not an entire loss, though. One lives on in the memories others carry of them, in the love they hold in their hearts. Death is complicated, but that's okay.

60. What is something that they’re sure to laugh at?

Alistair :)

61. When bored, how do they pass time?

Dog time :)

62. Do they enjoy being outside?

... Ehhhhhh?

63. Do they have an accent?

Technically??? It's an accent from where he's from but like. I just barely tweak my own voice when I rp him so? Damn Corren I'm sorry you've been cursed with east coast dialect.

64. Upon seeing a slice of chocolate cake, what is their first reaction?

"Damn who's the rich bastard here?" (cake is kinda a delicacy in their world- not like elites only but not NEARLY as common as it is here)

65. If they knew they were going to die, what would they do/say?

Reassurance mode to whomever he's with. "Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm okay. Remember what I told you, death is a natural part of life, yeah? I don't have any regrets, I'm okay... Just. Thanks. For giving me a chance. Thank you. Thank you."

66. How do they feel about sex?

I SWEAR he's allosexual. I'm just bad at writing allosexuals.

67. What is their sexuality?

He doesn't really know how to pin it down, so he just calls himself "queer". Definitely not straight, that's all he knows.

68. Do they become squeamish at the sight of blood?

AHAHA no. He's hella desensitized

69. Is there anything that they find really gross?

Skulking cyst. Look it up at your own volition. It's. NO.

70. Which TV Trope(s) best describes them?

It's 12:21 in the morning and I'm NOT about to scroll through a bunch of tv tropes just. just. NERD stereotype.

71. Do they enjoy helping people?

Yyyyes? Only really if it's the people he cares about.

72. Are they allergic to anything?

Bullshit.

73. Do they have a pet?

WINGTHARA!! HIS SKELE-DOG!!!

74. Are they quick to anger? What are they like when they loose their temper?

Oh yeah he's all bark and no bite. He usually just throws a little fit and/or yells.

75. How patient are they?

More than he should be :/

76. Are they good at cooking?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

77. Favorite insult? Do they insult people often?

Oh yes he insults the others all the time. No particular favorite, he likes so spice it up.

78. How do they act when they’re particularly happy?

Stim. Stim. Stim. His eyes get all sparkly and he. He.

79. What do they do when they learn about other people’s fears?

He will do everything in his power to assure they won't ever have to deal with their fears alone- You afraid of spiders? It's his job to get the spiders from now on so you won't have to deal with them.

80. Are they trustworthy?

Oh yeah. He's like Rapunzel- doesn't break promises.

81. Do they try to hide their emotions? Are they good at it?

Oh yes he tries to hide it. And yes, he's awful at it.

82. Do they exercise regularly?

Yes and no? No like- exercise regimen, but the amount of travelling and fighting they do is just- a workout in and of itself

83. Are they comfortable with the way they look?

Yeah! He's cute and he knows it baybie!!!

84. What are some physical features that they find attractive on people?

He,,, he likes someone who's physically stong,,, Muscles are,,, aaaaa >///>

85. What kind of personalities do they find attractive?

Someone he can nerd out with :)

86. Do they like sweet foods?

Impartial to it. He won't turn sweets away but he's not crazy about them either.

87. What is their age?

43, the equivalent of- I think someone in their mid 30s?

88. Are they tall or short or somewhere in between?

He's 6'8" :) Which is actually normal for his race

89. Do they wear glasses or contacts?

Sometimes! I like to think he has reading glasses or something like that.

90. Do they consider themselves attractive?

HE'S CUTE AND HE KNOWS IT.

91. What is their sense of humor like?

Julian tainted his sense of humor and now he finds the most dumb shit hilarious. Think very millenial/GenZ humor like "I wish I was Jared, 19"

92. What mood are they most often in?

"I don't get paid enough for this" or Fear.jpg

93. What kinds of things anger them?

People who don't keep their FUCKING WORD. Oh and like. Yknow. Half the shit his party does.

94. Outlook on life?

Again he's??? Oddly an optimist? In the "Things will get better and that is a fucking THREAT" way, but still optimist!

95. What kind of things make them sad/depressed?

Talk about his family :) Or the fact that his boyfriend might want him dead :)

96. What is their greatest weakness?

He's squishy as fuck. He goes down easy.

97. What is their greatest strength?

He's extremely intelligent and great with magic and his sniper!

98. Something that they regret?

Not doing more to stop his brother when he tried to resurrect their sister

99. Biggest accomplishment?

Either convincing an entire town his name is Torren or accidentally convincing some very OP people that he's secretly a dragon.

100. Create your own!

FUCK YOU I SPENT LIKE 2 HOURS ON THIS. NO PROOFREAD. IVE ALREADY DESIGNED CORREN'S AND NETHYL'S HYPOTHETICAL KIDS. ANYWAYS THEY'RE TWIN IRINAGA AND I'VE NAMED THEM AFTER THE DNDADS TWINS: THEIR NAMES ARE LARK AND SPARROW.

#LONG POST #LONG LONG POST #Corren #FUCK YOU DREWSKI <3

[ifeveristoday]

I got out my DVDs for this rewatch (that’s not actually a big deal. I only have season 3 on DVD. 😂) so let’s get to it.

I forgot they did a cold open for this episode!

I know it’s for ambiance but man does Angel have a lot of candles displayed. Probably too ‘mainstream’ for his taste but the thought of Angel furtively going to a Bath and Bodyworks in the mall during their semi-annual sale and just buying out their whole candle selection gives me the purest joy. Let’s be real though, Angel would shop at some boutique/hole in the wall owned by a wizened old character with a twinkle in their eye and everything marked up 20%. Or it would be a steel and glass monstrosity with a collection labeled Candles for Men. That’s the range.

Back to the enormous fire hazard that this scene is -

Wait. Does fire burn on stone?

Shout out to the stunt doubles.

I think that Angel getting food for Buffy for a sort of alfresco picnic while training is really sweet, actually. Also, can't miss the opportunity for both carbs and phallic symbolism ala bread.

Everyone is so embarrassingly horny in this moment. I'd say get a room except they're in a whole giant mansion.

Always remember the bread! What did Angel do with the food after Buffy fled? Fed the no-doubt cursed pigeons that live in Sunnydale.

Thanks for the workout (insert stereotypical dirty laugh).

Oh yes, the awkward 'let's talk about your birthday without mentioning the last birthday you had at all because it's horrifying' chitchat. God, the anxiety Angel is radiating here and Buffy trying to smooth it over. You can't unfrost that trauma cake!

Angel, you utter dork. You're lucky Buffy finds you pretty. Very powerful himbo energy here. And it's nice to see some light-hearted flirting/banter between them.

How do you know when someone's aura's dirty? Buffy is only asking the reasonable questions everyone has.

Do you hear yourself, Giles. "I'm aware of your distaste in studying vibratory stones..." I can't imagine what that section of the Slayer handbook looks like. Are there pull-out charts?

Faith being conveniently gone for this episode. Boo, hiss.

That workout really did a number on Buffy. I see what you're doing with those crystals.

One of the sad parts of rewatching Buffy is that you just don't have the first time discovery feels of watching it - that magic is gone, but even though I know why Buffy's wobbling in her fight, the reveal is still upsetting. Thinking about how in Season 5, when she does get staked, just as she's questioning her powers - and here, where she's losing them.

Also, obvious observation is obvious - the sexual violence imagery is really, really blatant here - with the vampire crouched over her with the stake aimed toward her heart, just as she playfully staked Angel earlier in a more romantically set scene.

AND THEN THE THEME KICKS IN. Like, damn! Three minutes and you can pretty much tell what the plot is going to be - Buffy and Angel's UST is getting out of hand, Buffy's lone Rangering it, and something is wrong with her. And it's her birthday.

And Buffy's resourcefulness saves the day.

Perhaps you shouldn't be throwing knives in the library, Buffy.

Did they do a geography lesson on Cuernavaca? It's also just fun to say. Like La Cienega. Brief moment to ponder yet again about a show set in Southern California, actually shot in Southern California, with the huge Latine population we have and the Spanish-influenced names and culture and - getting sidetracked by all this casual 90s racism.

"We do it every year for my birthday," except your seventeenth, presumably because of the murderous ex-boyfriend stalking the town you live in and all your loved ones. [Or, he did take her and it was not shown on screen!] Sometimes I wonder if the continuity editors just go, you know, I'm going to let this one go for the 'emotion' and not just so years later, a Virgo with a deep-seated need to obsess over throwaway details will go into a thought spiral to make it make sense.

I think this is also the last time Hank Summers was spoken of with any real affection because then he was Deadbeat Dad for the remainder of the show. Oh, look. The Scoobies are surprised about the traditional birthday ice show that I'm going to nitpick about forever.

Oz is so supportive, and then the clunker of a 'deep' line of ice being cool because it's water then it's not. I do like the Whedonesque school of dialogue, but sometimes you gotta reel it back. I remember the dialogue on Dawson's Creek was getting pinged for the teenagers talking like grad students.

Quiet reflection. Oh you poor girl, you have no idea.

Quarterly projections - is a convincing filler phrase for when you don't need to know what the job is, because it's boring but sounds vaguely official. What does Hank actually do? Who cares! He's an asshole.

Sunnydale Arms, because of course, Sunnydale has a broken down abandoned murder hotel.

Quentin Travers. Boo. Hiss.

The scary music is very scary. Also one of the Council flunkies looks like a very young Vincent D'Onofrio.

This scene with them in the library is so bittersweet because Buffy is fishing for Giles's attention as a father figure substitute ("very sophisticated people go!" breaks my heart) and he pointedly is rejecting this for training talk.

Look for the flaw at its center. THE FLAW IS YOU GILES. YOU YOU YOU.

it's just so terrible, this scene because of how methodical and clinical it plays out. And Buffy is just not there, and then Giles smiles like nothing has happened.

Buffy makes it through another night - next day (another reason why this trial is so horrifying is that it takes place over several days - it's not on Buffy's birthday but leading up to it, so the idea of her getting weaker and weaker and unable to fight to make it to 18 in the first place) and it's time for the Cordelia has had enough of toxic masculinity scene!

Also, Willow blithely ignoring a person's feelings and treating Amy as just a rat is played for laughs and cuteness, but yeah...you can't treat people like puppets or rats [law and order sound]

I love Cordelia's coat. And also, while it does suck that she stood him up, he's not entitled to her time or attention and certainly not to threaten her. Go, Cordy! Fight like a girl! Yes! Pummel him into the hallway.

I also love Willow's outfit here because I think the colors are so complementary and warm and it's a cute outfit. Okay, the knit wooly hat is a bit too Blossom-esque, but whatever.

Buffy is tiny, we all know this, but I do think they purposefully dressed her in larger than her size coats in this episode to make her look even more tiny and vulnerable.

Giles is TOO BLASE for this scene also shut your mouth about throwing knives like a girl

"It's an archaic exercise in cruelty." SO WHY DID YOU GO ALONG WITH IT, BRAIN TRUST. (I am going to be very mean to Giles this whole rewatch, deal with it.)

"But I'm the one in the thick of it." No, you're not. You are going to be adjacent to it, at best.

Hey it's that guy!

Okay, in better lighting, flunkie does not look like Vincent D'Onofrio.

It's impossible to pin down one type of Vampire in the Whedonverse, except for the delineation between Grunt Bait Vampires, and Special Guest Star/Master vampires, but Kralik is the only other example of a vampire with mental illness besides Drusilla, yet he's medicated. Makes me wonder how exactly they got Kralik...he was a monster before he was a vampire, but who vamped him? I don't put it past the Watchers to have vampires created for this purpose.

Curse against lawyers!

Xander and Oz bonding over comic books is so fun. I regret they didn't really get closer until after Xander and Willow cheated because Oz was the one male friend Xander had.

They mentioned her birthday! Thinking about Buffy's love of poetry later on, this is a nice little detail, and it *is* a thoughtful, sweet gift. Also those poems: horny. Oh yes, maybe in a restrained way, but Elizabeth Barrett Browning knew what was up.

The Buffy and Angel relationship in season three is full of these starts and stops that I can see why and agree with others about how it's frustrating on a number of levels. They know why they can't be together, but they still try to find a common ground because they want to need the other one. They still have their identities to figure out - Buffy as the slayer and a young adult, Angel as a person, separate from Buffy and being Buffy's ex sort of maybe.

But this conversation in Helpless is genuinely sweet and a glimpse at what a normal couple at the crossroads would talk about - I think I'm also being soft on this because the other Important Male Figure in Buffy's life in this episode lets her down so spectacularly bad, that Angel being supportive and kind in his awkward way is a nice respite. It's good to be away from the angst and the horror that their relationship has had.

And the self-aware puncturing of the Moment between them is something Buffy does very well. "Taken literally, incredibly gross - I was just thinking that too". Look, it's cute and soft and I will allow it.

The horror of this episode (and there are so many) is that we have to watch Buffy become the helpless blonde in a slasher flick who is being chased by the monsters and she can't do anything about it - that she has to be rescued or die. That the real world with men catcalling and bystanders who ignore women's cries of distress is far scarier than the literal demons that inhabit the town - and Buffy brokenly saying she can't just be a person, she can't be helpless like that [like women are, still, today] is a gut punch. It's uncomfortable and unhappy because Buffy is supposed to be the hero, the [sigh] strong female lead who can kick ass and take names, and this episode is all about finding who Buffy is, separate from her super powers. Also an exercise in emotional torture, but must be Tuesday.

The physicality - the weakness that both Buffy and Giles display in this scene is so, so good. The way Buffy's hand trembles toward the needle in the case and the dawning realization of what Giles has done, has chosen to do - and he bloodlessly tells her what the Cruciamentum is.

Her tiny little "Liar."

GOD WHY DIDN'T SHE GET AN EMMY (rhetorical we all know genre tv only matters if it was Game of Rapey Thrones)

"You will be safe now, I promise you." LIAR.

Another puncturing a heavy moment - Cordelia as cavalry - I love it. Cordelia taking the most obvious approach to the situation - 'oh Buffy might have lost her memory, well he's Giles,'

I can't believe they robbed us of a conversation in the car scene with Cordy and Buffy.

Kralik had to have found a polaroid camera and a metallic sharpie for this whole scenario -- OH I KNOW WHO HE REMINDS ME OF. The Night Stalker and any number of serial killers that terrorized SoCal. Is the show being self-aware of the problem with mothers and parents in general?

Probably a glib accident.

I don't have much to say about the part where Buffy hunts Kralik because it's so masterfully done with the atmosphere and music.

Nice of Giles's backbone to enter the chat now.

This is not business. Ooo.

Buffy's "I thought I killed a man" emo overalls!

Like it's shadowy, but there's still enough light to see facial expressions. Lighting guy, I salute you.

Little red riding hood metaphor. Oh, that's so her stunt double.

CREEPY SEXUAL VIOLENCE REARS ITS DEFORMED HEAD AGAIN

Jump stair scare. I remember the first time I saw it, I jolted in the living room.

Serial Killer Shit. Why are vampires such drama queens?

THAT'S RIGHT, BUFFY DID THAT

The ending scene in the library is cathartic in that Buffy gets to stand up for herself finally, and recognizes what Giles gives up by helping her, delayed as it was, also there's the feeling of hate punching Quentin Travers via your eyes.

Still don't think she should have forgiven Giles so easily, but we don't get to see a lot of aftercare for Buffy when she gets hurt, and it is a very tender scene.

The Scoobies are being way too upbeat if they knew about the fact that Giles poisoned Buffy, which is why I'm assuming she told a very abbreviated version of events ending with Buffy killed the bad guy and Giles got fired, oops.

Xander's big strong man comment and then looking immediately to Willow to open the jar and not Oz...

I could watch this episode again with episode commentary from David Fury, but another day.

#a bit later #but here it is #saff rewatches buffy

[punkscowardschampions]

Lux & Amber

Lux: You missed [some dinner y’all have that doesn’t entirely suck] tonight

Lux: I tried to save you some but that’s already gone

Lux: anyway, can we talk when you’ve got a sec?

Amber: Oh no! 🥺 Thanks for trying to spare me tomorrow’s ‘feast’, I really appreciate the attempted save

Amber: I promised to stay here for a while longer yet, but we can talk if you’re okay with typing it all out

Amber: I have time to read, she’s fallen asleep

Lux: Awh, I hope your friend feels better soon!

Lux: Yeah, I can totally do it over text

Lux: It’ll be way less awkward for us both anyway, I think

Lux: What do you think about Dash?

Amber: everyone knows what I think about Dash…

Amber: I haven’t made any secret of what an asshole he’s been to me since we had sex

Lux: I’m not just asking to be nosy or anything like that

Lux: but he said some things that I didn’t think made sense and I just

Lux: idk, I don’t know if he believes himself or what

Amber: I think I know why you’re asking, which means I should’ve spoken up more about the lies he told me before then and who I’ve found out he actually is

Amber: he definitely wants to believe his own bullshit, I guess because it makes him look and feel better than the truth does

Lux: Maybe he still likes you so he’s acting out?

Lux: Not that that’s cool but I don’t know why he’s got you so wrong otherwise

Amber: making me look like the psycho ex girlfriend I never was and dismissing everything I say and do under that guise is easier than addressing his own behaviour

Amber: especially when there are so few of us trying to get him to change or be held accountable for how he treats the girls at the commune

Lux: That’s what I was afraid of

Lux: but your side of it undoubtedly makes a lot more sense

Lux: Thanks, Amber

Amber: No, don’t thank me

Amber: I should’ve stayed last night

Amber: known that this was gonna happen

Lux: No, you can’t be responsible for him, or me

Lux: and like you said, so many girls are okay with it, him, seemingly so

Amber: mama insisted I look after you and I clearly didn’t

Lux: You’re both sweethearts, but I’m not a baby

Lux: I should’ve known better

Amber: neither am I but I fell for it too, and I couldn’t have known any better than living alongside him for half a year

Amber: I just really wanted it to be true, what he was saying about me and that place, stupid of me

Lux: If it is that way for him, it sounds really nice

Lux: I think it is, but maybe that’s stupider

Amber: it’s that way for my parents and I thought if anyone could make me feel close to the same, he would, which sounds really calculating of me

Amber: maybe I did use him as badly and he does have a right to badmouth me, I don’t know

Lux: We all have expectations… surely?

Lux: That doesn’t mean either of us were in love with him or being crazy

Lux: What he said and then what he did didn’t match up, for either of us, by the sounds of it

Amber: Do you wanna talk about what he said and did to you?

Lux: It’s hard to work out what even upset me now

Lux: Maybe he did tell me from the start, so that is on me

Lux: I thought from how he was though, he’d want to see me again but when I asked he told me he was with someone else, then he was like, idk, acting like it’s his duty or something and it was really gross

Amber: Yara and her friends must have come back for the solstice celebrations, they never miss a party and he never misses the opportunity to be with her before she's gone again

Lux: What’s she like?

Amber: A free spirit

Amber: and every other hippie stereotype everyone expects me to be

Lux: Of course

Lux: well I don’t want to meet her, whatever he thinks

Amber: of course he wants you to meet her

Lux: He should just be with her then if she’s so cool and free

Amber: there's no scenario in which she'd wanna stay there with him or he's gonna leave with her

Lux: Love being what’s left

Amber: I'm so sorry, Lux

Amber: this is just my POV of them though, and I'm biased by how angry he makes me

Lux: It’s not your fault, this is just all what I was presuming and dreading before

Lux: He doesn’t like you either, so the truth should be somewhere in the middle

Amber: if he talked to me about any of it instead of about me to anyone who'll listen, he'd like me even less

Lux: I was supposed to be being extra vigilant

Lux: I knew this would happen

Amber: it's not your fault, he knows what he's doing, that's why he keeps it up and keeps getting away with it

Lux: It was my fault I got myself involved

Lux: It couldn’t be shown to me any clearer

Lux: I can thank him for that, I guess

Amber: Do you want us to help you find somewhere else to stay?

Lux: You don’t need to do that

Lux: Here is as good as any for now

Lux: I need to work on myself, not my surroundings

Amber: I know the feeling, but it doesn't stop me fucking hating living there sometimes

Amber: a lot of the time

Lux: I don’t like it either

Lux: I’m in no position to complain but it’s

Lux: a different dislike to home, but still

Amber: Any time you feel like complaining to me, I'm not in any position to tell you not to, it's all I do right now, I swear

Amber: but maybe it would be more helpful to admit that I'm also spending as much time as I can finding places that feel far away from it and meeting people who don't have the hive mind

Lux: It feels like everyone else LOVES it and the implication is I just don’t ‘get it’ because of my background and that’s my lack

Lux: It’s actually very similar in loads of ways and not positive ways, I would say but hey

Lux: School must help with that a lot

Lux: the kids at my church that weren’t homeschooled or quiverfull were just

Lux: such a breath of fresh air

Lux: the best friends until my mother caught wind and called them ‘bad influences’ or whatever

Amber: some of them are, but there are others who make me feel as 👽 as people in the commune do, I still have searching to do, I guess, before I belong properly anywhere

Lux: I feel that

Lux: Maybe Yara has the right idea 🙄

Amber: Shhh no, don't ever say that! And don't let me put you off, I'm sure if you met them you'd love them all and vice versa

Amber: it's gotta be a me thing because my favourite person in the world is someone I do nothing but argue with

Lux: I won’t love her now

Lux: It isn’t her fault but it’s too late for that

Lux: Is that his brother?

Lux: Not to be gossipy, but he had stuff to say about that too

Amber: I won’t push that introduction, but my school friends are a possibility, since you’re not planning to leave

Amber: Great, he’s made it about him, despite the fact he’s the one topic we don’t talk about, I should’ve seen that coming too

Lux: That, I would like

Lux: I’m not getting that reputation

Lux: He already called Nora boring despite the fact I think everyone knows why she’s here and why she’s shy

Lux: Oh he thinks it’s 100% about him, I did my best to politely say I doubted that very much but he wasn’t taking it in

Amber: Nora’s very welcome to come with you to hang out with us if she’d like, I don’t think she’s at all boring, or honestly even that shy

Amber: Dash can’t stand that she doesn’t feel at ease around him because that’s how he gets what he wants

Lux: Yeah, seriously

Lux: I didn’t even go there because I got mad enough without pointing out her discomfort/trauma around men isn’t about him and HIS feelings

Amber: Likewise my friendship with his brother isn’t anything to do with him or his business, but it’s the least important part of what’s been going on, so I wouldn’t be rushing to bring it up even if it was a conversation he wanted to and was mature enough to have

Lux: I don’t know what to do now

Lux: He’s not the devil

Amber: he doesn’t have to be a bad person to be bad for you

Lux: He did try to talk to me, get to know me, though

Lux: which is more than plenty of people here

Lux: and I’m not treating them like 👺

Amber: he got to know me too, for months, I thought we were genuinely friends and then I discovered how much of what he said was lies, and if that wasn’t bad enough, he stole my dad’s stash

Amber: getting it back is how I met his brother in the first place, not that I did, because it was long gone

Lux: I know you’re right 😞

Amber: Don’t you think it’s worse than being blanked? I absolutely wish he’d never given me the time of day

Lux: I wish I was there yet

Lux: but no, I can’t say I’m there when I’m just not

Amber: it’s okay, I’ve had longer and I still feel like the biggest idiot, maybe it would stop hurting if I wasn’t friends with his brother and going over to his house to make that boy breakfast in the morning but I don’t want to not do those things

Lux: I can get that bit

Lux: I’m already hating that girl I’ve never met because of him, and that makes me mad but there’s no situation in which he doesn’t get the win because if I tried to not hate her, that’s what he wants anyway

Lux: That sounds super cute though

Lux: despite the arguing

Lux: maybe that’s just how they were raised?

Amber: I don’t know how his brother doesn’t hate me, because I haven’t told you that’s where it happened, because I can’t believe anyone would seriously pretend someone else’s room was theirs

Amber: I can’t blame him for always being annoyed at me, I am at myself and my life, he must think I’m… well I don’t wanna put the words to what he could think

Amber: at least he says what he means and it’s real

Lux: He what?

Lux: Oh no that’s REALLY bad

Lux: his brother can clearly tell that that’s as bad for you too, and not your fault

Lux: well, worse, but even if how mad he was stopped him getting to that conclusion

Lux: I can’t

Amber: It makes no sense that Dash would do it for my benefit, I don’t even have a bed right now, I’m not gonna judge the state of his sheets!

Lux: That’s weird

Lux: like an inside joke with himself?

Lux: because presumably he didn’t think his brother would find out anything…

Lux: He should get a lock

Amber: Right? For it to be a fuck you he’d have to tell him because I did a really good job of tidying up before I left and he didn’t stop me

Lux: I do not like that

Lux: I’m used to having no personal space and nothing being your own

Lux: but that’s disrespectful, like a lot

Amber: me too and I couldn’t agree more, it gives me the ick

Lux: It’s real ick

Lux: sorry, I’m not trying to make you feel gross, it’s all him

Lux: it was just a room to you

Amber: it’s such a nice room, if I wasn’t high I would’ve questioned it

Lux: There was a lot I would’ve questioned on a normal night but I was overwhelmed

Amber: I know you said don’t but I hate myself for leaving you

Lux: Seriously don’t

Lux: that’s not what I want

Lux: I probably would’ve done it whatever you said

Lux: I hate to say that but it’s likely true

Amber: it was a drunk decision, I’m usually a better friend, I promise

Lux: I know you are 😌

Lux: you’ve been more than welcoming despite the fact your mom kinda forced you to 😅

Amber: When I get back we should go out, not only because if I see Dash I will hit him and my dad’ll be upset with me, but also to do something away from him and my parents

Lux: Yeah, I’m feeling that too, I do not wanna be here

Lux: where should we go? 💃🍸🍝🎬🛒💅

Lux: aside from breakfast, what do you guys do for fun?

Lux: I’ve barely ventured outside of this place since I got here

Amber: how unfair would it be if I woke up my sick friend to ask her what normal girls do with their Sunday evening?

Amber: we did go to the beach, that’d be cleansing for the ick

Amber: or we could do something neither of us have ever done, to slightly level the playing field, because you’ve been overwhelmed enough for forever

Amber: to make us feel less gross

Lux: Can we go to the beach

Lux: my favourite places we’ve lived were always by the ocean

Amber: That’s what I was hoping you’d say!

Lux: 😁🥰🥳

Amber: the minute her mama is through the door, I’ll be out of it

Lux: I will aggressively be busy wherever he ain’t ‘til then

Amber: keep away from [wherever the hell Yara and her friends hang out on these grounds] and you’ll be fine

Lux: Thanks, I’ve got a bikini to find anyway, Lord knows I don’t have one

Amber: [obvs tell her where you hide your shit because that’s the kind of friend you are and it likely changes so other bitches don’t steal it]

Lux: Oh, that’s smart 👍

Lux: I’d get a lock for our room but I just know there’d be suggestions we could fit at least another 2 people in or whatever if we just made the effort 🙄

Amber: Thanks, I’d love to wear my favourite new 👗 everywhere but I know what would get said about that, and besides, it wouldn’t be the nicest thing I own for long if I did

Amber: I’d offer to sleep on the floor but unfortunately I’m too small for that suggestion to really silence the others

Lux: Not for the beach then

Lux: but soon, maybe with your friends, and Nora?

Lux: I could make a new favourite 👗 for the occasion

Lux: Don’t take this the wrong way but how tiny you are is adorable 🥺 I’m totally jealous

Amber: Yes, I know exactly who I can ask for a Nora friendly atmosphere

Amber: I’m ridiculously jealous that you can apparently make a new dress like it’s nothing, I couldn’t even make a sock puppet when the little ones asked me

Lux: 💗

Lux: It depends on your view of fashion

Lux: I can sew but I prefer ridiculously impractical stuff you would not see in any kinda store

Amber: it’s hard to see past the joy of clothes that haven’t been worn and washed so often it’s a guess what colour they originally were, for me

Amber: I don’t know how I feel about fashion, I like accessories though

Amber: and I’m a willing 🐹 … is that a hamster? 😂

Lux: I’ve noticed your collection 💎📿🧿✨

Lux: in an admiring way… not a thief one which that sounds like 😅

Lux: you can be my hamster

Amber: You can borrow any of them, except this one [a pic with a ring around the necklace her bae gave her duh]

Amber: okay, but what creature are you? Not a magpie, allegedly

Lux: Understood

Lux: ❌🦊🐺

Amber: that was his nickname for you?

Lux: Of course it’s that predictable

Amber: because he gave me one too, along with Yara and everybody else

Lux: He’s becoming less appealing by the second

Lux: just because it isn’t special or doesn’t mean anything to him, doesn’t mean he should assume it’s the same for everyone he ever meets

Amber: He made me feel so special, it’s embarrassing to even type out now

Lux: I’m right there with you

Lux: I can’t believe I decided to trust him, on any level but with that especially

Amber: I feel like I need to have sex with someone else immediately because him being the only person I have since we moved here is an honour he doesn’t remotely deserve, but I know I need to start making better decisions, so like, I can’t

Lux: Try him being the second person you have and both times went TERRIBLY and confirmed the sin to everyone and yourself

Lux: That’s great, thanks Dash 👍

Amber: I'm gonna kill him, my dad'll have to deal

Lux: Brooks will kill me

Lux: or give me really hard work as punishment, anyway

Lux: Let’s just go to the beach and hope he’s gone home by the time we get back

Amber: We'll find out from Finley when we're ready to go back and if he's still there we can sleep on the beach

Lux: 🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️

Amber: I like that better than when Dash's brother called me one of those spiky things that you tread on 😂

Amber: accurate but not very glamourous

Lux: That’s a weird way to flirt 🤔🤭

Amber: Well, I'm pretty sure he'd deny EVER flirting with me, even if we were the kinds of 🧜🏼‍♀️🧜🏽‍♀️ who tried to drown him

Lux: Are they opposite brothers?

Lux: Dash would tell us he flirts with EVERYONE and to not be weird about it

Amber: I'm surprised Dash didn't compare them to the Oak and Holly King 🙄

Amber: but they truly are different enough for me to almost forget they're brothers

Lux: Currently I feel like that could only work in his brother’s favour

Lux: but all kinds of boys can be all kinds of jerks

Amber: It does, but you're right, I can't pretend he doesn't have his own moments of being an asshole

Lux: As long as the non-asshole moments outweigh them though

Lux: I think that’s an acceptable thing to be okay with, none of us are perfect, Lord knows

Amber: I hope they will, it's hitting me as I type this that I really haven't known him long, and it's strange, because it doesn't feel that way to me at all

Lux: It’s like that, sometimes

Lux: time isn’t always what matters

Amber: True, but another hope is still that I get more time in Dublin to spend with him

Lux: I haven’t heard either of your parents talking about moving… yet

Lux: I think your mom is getting a lot of women at her groups rn

Amber: and I haven't heard her arguing with Kai either yet

Lux: I don’t know if he’d be capable 🧘🏻‍♀️☮️🌼✌️

Amber: I wanted not to like him but I don't think I'm capable

Amber: he's made so much effort with me

Lux: It’s okay, I prefer your dad too 🤭

Amber: You're his ⭐🏆🥇 pupil, he talks about you whenever he's not teaching you basically, it's cute

Lux: He’s really helped

Lux: considering how little I knew, and still don’t

Lux: but I’m getting there, he knows so many good books

Amber: Not reading is THE thing he tells me off for and I can't 🥺 my way out of

Lux: I’ll read enough for the both of us 🤞

Lux: and at least I’m never bumping into Dash at the library 🙄😏

Lux: he talked a lot about how he hates school so

Amber: I found a boy to tutor me but I think I'm too distracting…

Amber: maybe you can do it when my dad is finished with you

Lux: We could help each other, maybe

Lux: I’ll do the 📚📏🧮📖 practical stuff and you can tell me about all the different places you’ve been and different people you’ve met

Lux: It might not be a totally fair trade-off but we had to budget and account for every hour of our day so math is pretty easy and all there was to do was read the approved books over and over so 🤷‍♀️ I don’t totally suck

Amber: unfair to you if you’re doing all the work and I’m just sitting there talking and talking!

Lux: That is work too!

Lux: There’s only so much reading about places and people can give me

Lux: You might be 👽 sometimes but that’s me 99% of the time 24/7

Amber: I’m not saying no, I love the sound of my own voice, famously

Amber: that’s how I got picked for nurse duty over our other friends

Lux: I don’t think that’s a problem, your voice is cute

Lux: but I promise I won’t be 😍 like your tutor

Lux: You must get it from your mom, your caring side

Amber: I definitely feel like an 👽 when I talk here, everyone has such defined accents and mine’s all over the place

Amber: oh god, he acts like he’s being tortured, I thought I was having trouble concentrating, but he’s got me utterly beat, I can’t do it to the poor boy any more

Amber: or from my dad, I don’t remember the last time he was like this about a student, when he is though, he really is

Lux: I can understand you, though

Lux: and I CANNOT understand so many people here it’s 😬😬

Lux: 🤭🤭 the power you have

Lux: The way I unintentionally sounded so rude to your dad there! 😨😅 my brain was fully on nursing but no, you can tell he actually wants to help me, for me, he isn’t getting anything out of it but the joy of loving what he does, obviously

Amber: There have been a lot of days I kinda wish they were forcing me to take Irish as a class the way they do for whoever is born here, but I doubt there’s any kind of glossary or key to unlocking the accent in the back of the textbook so it probably wouldn’t help that much realistically, right? Besides, I’m scraping by as it is without imagining extra work for myself

Amber: not the superpower I’d ask for, but one I have inherited from my mama, for sure, men are intimidated by her everywhere she goes and whatever she’s doing

Amber: like it or not, except I think she does enjoy having that effect, mostly

Amber: 😂 It’s okay, I won’t tell him any parts that aren’t complimentary 😶

Lux: That’s way beyond my capabilities, it’d be 😵

Lux: I bet they do have night classes though, when you’re not drowning in regular ones

Lux: I think I would

Lux: I can see the appeal, but maybe it’s the kinda thing you don’t appreciate if you do have it 🤔🤷‍♀️

Lux: ⭐️💗

Amber: I used to think I was into it but Dash’s brother isn’t intimidated by me in the least and I’m starting to like how that feels more, I don’t know

Lux: Like, comfortable?

Amber: I have no idea which words to put to it, it’s like, he’s actually fine with me being myself, even though I’m a mess, he isn’t just saying it’s fine while making me feel 👽 or stupid

Amber: honest maybe?

Lux: Y’all are cute 🥺😍 and I’m about it until he proves otherwise

Amber: I’m looking forward to making him breakfast and you know that’s not me at home

Lux: Okay but there are too many people here for that to ever be a fun experience

Lux: I wait ‘til everyone’s gone or busy doing whatever they do and have it in my first lesson

Amber: smart

Lux: but rude, and anti-social to boot

Amber: Ruder if you didn’t wait, Yara and her friends behave that way all the time, treating it as if they’re the popular girls sent to a summer camp

Amber: I’ve had to bite my tongue so hard so often because we’ve already had the argument and I know what she would say if we kept having it

Lux: 🤢🤢🤢

Lux: There’s zero chance I’m ‘hanging’ with them now

Lux: I didn’t want to anyway but of course he was making me feel bad and 👽 over that

Amber: if I could get away with throwing a party when she’s gone, I would, I don’t care how 👶🏽 it makes me sound

Lux: There is somehow 🍻🍷 left soooooo 😋

Amber: 🙃

Lux: I think we need to reclaim how last night turned out somehow anyway

Amber: I’m more than ready to do that if we can decide how

Lux: We’ll ponder at the beach

Lux: Btw, if you want, you can room with me and Nora for real

Lux: well, I will have to ask but like, she’s not gonna have an issue with it

Lux: I would’ve offered before but obviously some people like the whole couch surfing vibe and I thought that was you too

Amber: I don’t know what to say, I feel like I might cry for some reason that can’t be a hangover this late

Amber: it’s the kindest offer, I’m really touched, and would obviously love to

Lux: There’s definitely room for another mattress

Lux: we really want to paint it and make it cute, whatever people think, because Finley said he’ll pay for paint so then it’s not like, farm resources

Amber: What colour are you voting for? Nora’s gonna want [whatever colour is her fave idk]

Lux: 🤔🤔 okay hear me out

Amber: intriguing…

Lux: well if our beds are against separate walls we could have a wall each in whatever colour we want

Lux: it’d be nice if they looked cute together but anything is better than the terracotta and white splodges we have now 🤷‍♀️

Amber: Okay but you gotta help me pick or I’ll accidentally choose something that gives me a headache and have to sleep in sunglasses!

Amber: 🔵🌊💙?

Lux: OOOOOOOoooooo

Lux: a like burgundy, navy and then I could do a purple to pink energy to bring it full circle

Lux: that would be 🥰 I’m excited!

Amber: We can beach brainstorm

Amber: if you’re ready to go? [because why not show up like hey new bestie]

Lux: 🧚‍♀️

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #303

“if i can’t be loved, then i’ll be hated”

What color are your glasses, if applicable? Black. Candy corn or conversation hearts? They're both gross, don't make me pick between garbage. Do you own a lot of earrings? Not really after I weeded them out before moving. What did your backpack in high school look like? I dare say I had the dopest backpack of them all. It looked like a massive Ouija board, and the zipper was the planchet (sp?). Have you ever been to a rave? Nah. What is your favorite art medium? I have a particular fondness of oil paintings. They tend to look so smooth, and you can achieve incredible realism with them. How far away is the nearest hospital from you? Not even five minutes, I think. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? My mom. What is your favorite car color? Pink, duh. How did you learn to type? We actually had a class specifically for typing in middle school. What style of wedding dress do you want? I don't have that set in stone yet, but I really do love ballgown dresses with long trains as well as a-lines with a moderate train. I love a lot, except really for mermaid dresses. Do you fit into any stereotype, or are you non-stereotypical? I don't know if I fit perfectly into any and really don't care. Would you want your first child to have your hair color? ???? I don't care about their hair lol?????? It would depend on the hypothetical father, in which case I'd probably find it cute, but this is so, so unimportant. Do you enjoy writing in cursive? Yeah, it just feels good and flowy to me. What is your favorite hair color? Natural? Probably blonde with natural darker undertones throughout. I like blonde hair because it's far easier to dye, haha. Now, if we're including DYED hair, rose gold or pastel pink is *chefs kiss* What is your favorite eye color? Sapphire blue, probz. Would you put your birthday on a different day if you could? Nah, it's fine where it is. What holiday is your birthday closest to? Valentine's. Do you vent on social media a lot? NOOOOOOOO. I barely post ANYTHING about myself on social media because I feel like I'm being annoying, self-absorbed, find anything I do actually interesting, or don't want people to think I'm a whiner. All I ever really do on social media is share or reblog funny shit, things I love, stuff I find relatable or inspirational, educational, important for whatever reason, etc... Do you have abusive parents? I am very thankful to say no. Is your house haunted? Doesn't seem like it. What's your favorite thing to watch on YouTube? I'm in a real WoW-related phase lately... Watching my favorite streamers, gold farming guides, and other various aspects of the game. What are five health problems that you have? I talk about the mental issues enough, so I guess I'll talk about physical stuff here. Uhhh I have very low blood pressure (it's a med side effect), I have extremely weak legs following muscle atrophy, I have bad tremors, especially in my hands (amplified by medication once again), maybe TMI but we're adults here and it's a legit issue that I have chronic and severe conspitation, aaaand then of course I have hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating) to a fucking outrageous and also humiliating degree. Ooooonce again as a prescription side effect. This answer made meds sound kinda bad, I know, but really, I'd rather have the will to live and just have to deal with these than want to die everyday and not. Do you have surgery coming up? No, let's keep it that way until I lose enough weight and when I am 110% getting loose skin removal. Which family member(s) do you look the most like? My sisters, ig. People say my mom also, but I honestly don't see it. Have you ever cried while watching a YouTube video? Yeah, usually just in let's plays, but it's happened for other reasons. Are you missing a website that just shut down? Nah, none that I know of. NO. FUCKING WAIT. So, when my laptop was fixed, a LOT of shit was wiped from it, and that included all of my goddamn Lightroom editing presets. The site they were from no longer exists, so I had to use a different, pretty sub-par one to install at least a few because it helps me get a start on editing the photograph and leaning towards the "vibe" I want before spending like 15+ minutes tuning it myself. Would you be a barefoot bride? No. Which would you rather name your daughter: Eliana, Echo, Emerald, or Ellery? Ohhh, I like these. I think I prefer "Eliana," but "Echo" is a close second. "Ellery" is nice, but it sounds too much like "celery" to name my kid that lmao. Which would you rather name your son: Maverick, Matthew, or Moses? Ugh, none, honestly. But "Matthew" wins. When was the last time you gave a speech? Like a *legit" speech? Probably not since uhhh... I guess when I argued my disability case at court? Does that even count? Have you ever been in a stampede? Well, never seen this'n in a survey before, so good job, lol. No. If you were a fairy, what color would you like your wings to be? It would depend on what I wore, really. And my hair. But probably light pink. Would you rather name your son Storm, Skylar, Sorin, or Solomon? "Sorin." "Skylar" is SO Southern, and "Solomon" sounds like the creepy kid all his classmates avoid and I ain't putting my kid through that. Did you read a devotional this morning? Not my jam. Would you rather be named Arizona, Alaska, Cali, or Georgia? Hm... "Alaska" is actually kinda cool???? And I'm white as fuck so lol????? I wouldn't mind to nickname of "Ally," anyway. Are you repulsed by ugly reptiles? lololol bro get out Did all your friends know about your first crush or was it a secret? I was definitely secretive and shy about it when I first started getting crushes. Do you ever feel insecure about going out without makeup? I feel insecure either way, so... How many different natural hair colors are there in your immediate family? So, this is a hard question to answer. My mom was born with brown hair, but it darkened to almost black; only her daughter Katie inherited that. By some genetic magic, Dad had blond hair as a kid, but it also turned black. Like... how?????? I was born with dirty blonde hair like him, and mine turned an average brown with age. My immediate sisters have always had brown hair. What is your favorite online game? World of Warcraft is ballin'. Would you ever want to be famous and sign autographs? Ha, the idea of signing autographs is awful... I can't physically write very long without my carpal tunnel flaring up. Do you like your shirt to be loose or tight? LOOSE. Especially as a bigger person, tight shirts are just really uncomfortable. What is your favorite Spanish name? I don't know nearly enough to answer this. Would you rather visit Asia or Europe? I think Asia is, in general, more interesting and prettier as a whole, but I guess I'm drawn to European culture being more like my own and there are specific locations I'm interested in, like Germany or Scotland. So to answer the question, I guess Europe wins. Are there any Asians in your family? I don't believe so. Have you ever had colored braces? Haha yeah, I did that when I had them. Do you take birth control pills? Yes, just for period cramps. Without them, they can be immobilizing for me. If you live in the USA: do you feel free and safe? Ha, no. Well, not *entirely*. Have you ever been sick on your birthday? I was recovering from the stomach virus, if that counts. As in I still got sick the day before and felt iffy on my actual bday. 17th, I think? Is talking about your past painful for you? Yes. Are you a member of any support groups online? I'm a member of The Mighty site, if that counts. When I'm feeling very, very sound of mind and helpful without all the negativity being a detriment to myself, I do like going on there and trying to help or comfort people. Have you ever called a suicide hotline? Yes, and the line was busy, and that's when I decided I was a goner. Do you ever fantasize about revenge? I uhhhhh... sometimes. What's a movie you would recommend to someone who never watches movies? Ohhh, that's hard. I don't really watch movies either, and I'm trying to think of one that essentially anyone would like, so hm. Oh, Coco is absolutely a possibility. That movie touched me so, so deeply and is high on my favorites list. It's impossible to not feel the emotions. Do you want to have grandkids? Hell, I don't want kids. Do you want to be an aunt or uncle? I already am one, and I love being an aunt. Who was your favorite Spice Girl? I don't remember their names or characters in general. Did you make a lot of home videos growing up? I mean *I* didn't, but Mom filmed quite a few. Do you enjoy babysitting? NO. What's an unpopular opinion that you have? Avoiding some political ones, uhhhh. OH. HERE'S ONE. THE SCENE AESTHETIC IS FUCKING CUTE AND NOT CRINGEY AND YOU CAN FIGHT ME ABOUT IT. Are you attracted to the opposite gender, same gender, or both? Both are A+. Was your first crush on someone of the same gender or opposite? Opposite. As a kid, I didn't even fathom the concept that women could date women. What is something you'll never eat again? Why? Brussel sprouts. Fucking disgusting. What is currently happening that is scaring you? Besides the very obvious answer of "Covid," I worry about my mom a lot. She's so weakened after all the chemo and meds and can do literally less than I can without heavily breathing and sweating. I just worry a lot that cancer will return sooner than we hope; I don't want it to EVER come back, but doctors say it is very, very likely at one point or another because she was so very close to Stage 4. What would be your personal hell? Being completely and entirely isolated forever while somewhere hot and humid, lol. And play one of my trigger songs on repeat eternally. What made the "weird kid" at your school weird? There was this poor guy named Alfred that was VERY clearly depressed out of his mind, and I heard him speak maybe once through all of high school, and the entire class couldn't believe it. He always sat way in the back and never smiled. I wonder how he is nowadays. What is a word you personally find offensive? "Retarded" personally offends me the most when misused and spoken as an insult. What instantly puts you to sleep? Now that is HARD to do; I have a ridiculously hard time going to sleep. The easiest way though would probably be me being drained from an emotional breakdown. That is so exhausting that I'm capable of crashing pretty fast and hard. What song is in a language you don't speak, but you love it anyway? I adore Rammstein, so there's plenty. I'll probably say "Donaukinder" is their best. What is something you would like to do if you weren’t judged for doing it? I keep that I RP a complete secret in my "real" life for this reason unless it's like, pried out of me. What's a movie you think everyone should watch? Why that one? Johnny Got His Gun. See how goddamn disgusting war is. What was the most unexpected good thing that's ever happened to you? Ha, realizing I was bisexual after once being homophobic. What is the funniest fact you know? Oh man, I know a lot of random trivia shit, really, so it's hard to say. Maybe that quokkas throw their offspring at predators to distract and escape from them... As awful as that is, c'mon, you gotta admit it's funny and shocking with just how adorable they are. What was your 'mic drop' moment? Oh, I don't know. Possibly when I publicly came out as bi on Facebook and made it abundantly clear that I gave no shits about some homophobic friends and family & I was beyond willing to let anyone's ass go over it. What's the kindest way a stranger has treated you? I remember as a kid at McDonald's, the woman in front of our car paid for our food; apparently seeing a mom, dad, and three kids in a van was enough that she wanted to just be kind and give us a smile. We have no idea who she was, never saw her face or anything, she was just a sweet woman. What is the biggest design flaw of your body? Okay, I'm going to let go of all hatred for my body weight-wise and just think of this as from a strictly natural design perspective, in which case I'd say my toes are too small. What age are you afraid of turning and why? 30, because I'm terrified of getting there and seeing I've possibly gone nowhere. What is the strangest thing you have ever felt? I'm keeping this question in just because I think there could be some interesting answers for others, but I'm witholding my answer because nobody wants or needs to know lmao. What makes someone immediately unlikable? Acting better than others and belittling. Who's a villain you sympathize with and why? D A R K I P L I E R because of his origins and overall purpose and just simply existing. What is something you regret to NOT have done? I have this oddly weird regret of not going like, all-all the way with He Who Shall Not Be Named????? Idk why though????? Considering I loved him way too much and I was a reckless and impulsive person who probably at some point would have wound up accidentally pregs????? What a fuckin trip that woulda been. What movie changed your life for the better? None have really "changed my life." What book you think should be directed as a film? Oh, idk. Most I can think of have been. Of all the decades you've lived in, which one have you liked best? The 2000s, probably. A carefree kid. How are you doing today? I'm exhausted. While out with Mom and my sisters yesterday, we got behind a van whose driver was obviously drunk or high off his goddamn ass, and he was swerving EVERYWHERE, nearly shoving so many cars off the road. Mom called 911 to get in contact with highway patrol to report his dumb fucking ass in. I was having an absolute panic attack and cried quietly like the entire 45 or so minute drive home. I was just so, so upset because this is why I don't fucking drive, and I felt like I'd made my sister (who was driving) mad because she had to firmly tell me I had to calm down (I was hyperventilating and talking to myself to try to calm down) if she was going to focus and keep us safe. She later ensured me she wasn't mad, but I still wasn't the same the entire rest of the day. Anyway, I slept hard last night but had two nightmares, so I'm still really tired today. I'm trying to keep myself really distracted. What's something your relatives don't know about you? A whole lot really, considering beyond my very immediate family, I see almost nobody because they live many states away. What's something your parents did, which you have sworn never to do? Mom would spank us or slap an arm pretty hard if my sisters or I misbehaved or "disrespected" her by "talking back." I'm not having kids, but I would never, ever, ever, put my hands on them in any way that isn't loving. You do not teach children via inflicting fear. I also have this probably overly strong aversion to beer because that's what Dad always drank as an alcoholic. I'll probably never try it, not that I really want to because it smells awful. What's the most annoying thing your pet does? I feel like "annoying" is the wrong word for this, but Roman (my cat) can be incredibly demanding of attention and to lie on me when I'm on the laptop in bed, and sometimes I just want space and be able to clearly see the screen, haha. He will legit meow like a baby and gently swat my arm sometimes if I try to keep him back. Heeee usually gets his way. As for Venus (snek), she does nothing "annoying" either, but rather a bit concerning to a snake mom: she is usually very slow to find and strike her food. I feed her frozen/thawed mice, and she will first slither around her entire cage, tongue flicking and clearly looking for her food, even though I always place it atop the same spot on her hide, and she can have her head RIGHT beside it and still do nothing. She ultimately generally eats (as a ball python though, she's a picky eater and will occasionally reject a meal), but I of course wonder why she's odd about dinnertime... As a champagne, she does have the notorious "spider gene" in her, which can cause neurological issues, but idk if something like this could be related.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''rise rebel resist'' by otep

[facelessfrey]

Roswell New Mexico Season 2, Episode 6

- Okay...so I have now actually watched it...well mostly. There were some parts of my stream where the sound wasn’t synched. Unfortunately not that scene. Haha. 

- Let’s start with the positives...

- I actually think that overall it was kind of a fun episode. I liked the Isobel and Kyle stuff and I actually liked the Echo stuff even though I was less than thrilled about Max coming back and the Alex/Maria/Boot guy stuff wasn’t too terrible. And there was some good sibling scenes. So like...not bad. 

- I did think the whole beginning with Max and Isobel and Michael was super weird and was over WAAAY too quickly but hey I guess they had to get to a threesome there and so they had to cut corners on something....That said, angry, dark I’ve got death energy to expel Max is really not my favorite Max, so I guess it’s fine it was over quick but still...strange to build that up and then have it be over and done with in the first like three minutes. But okay...moving on. 

- The Max/Liz strand of the episode was actually super cute and actually made me ship them again so that was nice. My sound was messed up during the whole milkshake speech so that was sad but it was working again by the morning love confession, so cool. Max’s super stiff leather, looked like it had never been worn, jacket though...not a fan. That was horrible and I was happy every time he took it off. 

- The Isobel/Kyle stuff was fun. They do look good with sparkles, I agree. I mean it was pretty random and doesn’t totally make sense but I’m not mad at it. Who knows if it will lead anywhere. I do like the chemistry between Isobel and Kyle though, friend chemistry or otherwise. Kyle has chemistry with everyone though. 

- Except maybe Steph who is still so boring to me but...and my stream was off again, was that her on the operating table in that montage at the end? 

- The main thing I took from the Alex/Maria story was that it gave us confirmation that Alex does in fact know the full story about Rosa so...uh...thanks for finally putting that in there. Might have been nice to have a clue before that. 

- Also...I rolled my eyes sooo hard at the Vampire Diaries joke but also it made me really nostalgic for TVD, because while also trash, it was better trash. Just saying. Also...it would have been a Gilbert ring, Alex and would have prevented him from dying if killed by something supernatural. Get your references right! Haha. 

- I do think the whole boot maker lead was super random and didn’t really lead to much and I still think these stories need more urgency and stakes.

- Also weird that the Cam story was once again on the back burner not that I don’t sort of get it because they have too much going on.

- AND I was sad that Rosa was not in this episode. I want to see her exploding lightbulbs as she has feelings.

- Oh and baby Max at the end...ummm...okay? I guess I want to know more about that. Mostly, I want to understand the all white fashion trend. 

- Now...getting into the ranting part...

- I do have to say that it is important to actually watch stuff because how things are said matters. Because I read some of the dialogue earlier and I was like “What?!?!?!” and then it wasn’t that at all. So that made it all slightly better. Mostly the conversation Maria and Alex had in the car. 

- The threesome thing was still SUPER weird and really unnecessary?!?!? I just don’t really get the point of it. I guess the narrative purpose was to push Alex toward Forrest and cement Michael and Maria but like...was that needed? No. I’m pretty sure Alex could have actually left when they kissed and it would have served exactly the same purpose. And would have been way less horrific.

- I mean, this is the kind of thing I can usually just roll my eyes at and move on if I’m less invested. And I’m not as invested as I have been in other things so like...I’m fine. And trust me, I’ve been there before, so I get it for people who feel devastated and done with everything. I really do. 

- But I am invested enough that I’m just kind of baffled that this was a choice that the show/Carina made. Because it really does just undermine all three characters. And to be honest, this whole love triangle had been undermining all three characters from the start. So I guess it’s par for the course but this just made it worse. I agree with Evil Twin Jon Gilbert that “I hate love triangles” but especially this one. 

- I mean, Maria has been a weird spare part on this show from the start. It’s always been a problem. In relation to the original show character, they gave her friendship with Liz to Kyle/Rosa. They gave her alien mystery solving side to Kyle. And they largely gave her romance with Michael to Alex. And you could say she has a story of her own with her mother, but that’s really kind of Mimi’s story. Maria is just sort of facilitating it. It just feels very unfortunate because OG Maria was great. And this Maria could have been great too but they just took so much away from her. And so much of what she does get happens off screen. And so they tried to give some of it back. They stuck her in this dumb love triangle, which up until now has always just seemed like a roadblock for Malex and probably still is although it’s more complicated now I guess. And if she’s just a roadblock for Malex then that’s just shitty for her character and she should have something that’s hers and not just ultimately be in the way of another ship. And also every turn of it just kind of makes her look selfish and terrible. I mean, I don’t understand her motivations for the threesome at all. Other than that I’ve heard that it was some kind of weird manipulation of the situation to force Michael to choose which is...gross. She just doesn’t come out of it well and that’s sad. 

- And for Michael, it’s absolutely perpetuating bad bisexual stereotypes. As frustrating as the love triangle was, he was technically always broken up with Alex and for valid emotional reasons. So as annoying as it was and as lazy as it was, it was fine. But this is literally like “Okay here’s both of them at the same time cause you can’t choose”. It just doesn’t look good. Especially if it was supposed to be some kind of test. 

- And for Alex...to have him say earlier that being with a woman was him trying to disappear and then have him take part in this is just bizarre. I mean yes, they also had him say that kissing Maria was the first time he enjoyed touching someone which...um...okay...weird. Also feels like they shoved that in just to facilitate this later which is also kind of gross. It’s also just weird to have a very vocally self proclaimed gay man, sleep with a woman for whatever reason. Like...why? 

- And why do Malex need to break up in every episode? Everyone gets it. Couldn’t they at some point just be like “wow we really need to take some time apart and see other people and experience other relationships and work on just getting to know each other as friends and if we end up together then it was meant to be” and then they just go date Maria and Forrest and those can be legit relationships and then they can come back together later after suitable build up. 

- Of course that’s fine for Forrest because he’s a random side character but then it feels insulting to Maria because it’s clear she’s just an obstacle, which is why I hate that she’s a part of this dumb love triangle in the first place. 

- I also just hate the love triangle period with Malex because it just wasn’t needed. There’s so much potential there and so many layers of angst without adding in a main character as a third party. They could still both date other people and come back together without dragging Maria into it all. I feel like Carina just wanted to do this new thing with Malex because she didn’t want her Michael and Maria to have to compete with the OG M&M and then was like “oh no wait I can still do it but in this different super awesome way because epic love triangles are awesome and on all my favorite teen shows of the past” Except that this isn’t a teen show and that should be part of the point. 

- I just don’t get any of it and think it was mostly a bad idea. Well, the threesome definitely was. 

- I mean...it’s not enough to make me stop watching the show but I definitely am further disconnecting with that set of characters until they sort this nonsense out and decide where they’re going with it because right now they’re just making me not care because it doesn’t feel like they care about their own characters. 

#roswell new mexico #roswell reviews #roswell nm #rnm #this is long

[nachohypno]

Best friends, right? (Rewritten!) Ch.1 - Part 1 & 2

Part 1 - Hunter’s POV

Hey everyone!

Oh, sorry! I should introduce myself! I’m Hunter. Hunter Switzker.

I’m a kind of normal guy. Besides a few problems, but I’ll get to that later. Light brown hair, not really built, but athletic, you get the picture.

I’ll explain a bit more about me, and how this little adventure happened.

I’m a senior at Riverwood High. Baseball player since, like, my second year, I think? I’m not really a jock though. I think I fit better with the nerds. I mean, I get along with almost all my classmates, no matter their social group, but I share more interests with the nerds than with my fellow jock mates.

“Hey Hunter!” A deep voice said from the other side of the yard. The big guy was waving and running towards me, avoiding the other students as he did.

This guy is my best friend. Jason Storm. He was a great bud, and he fitted the jock stereotype way more than I did.

He sported his green and white varsity jacket, proudly. His brown hair was styled in a mid-fade kind of thing. He had a cocky smile that would win anyone’s heart. And a key to their panties, yeah.

“Hey Jace!” The guy grabbed me for a bro hug and left me in the ground. When I regained balance, we walked inside. We chatted about the usual stuff.

I saw Abby was already at her locker, preparing her stuff.

I’ll explain a bit more. Abby is my cousin, and one of my best friends.

I know what you may be thinking “Didn’t you get along with everybody?” Yep, but that doesn’t mean I’m friends with everybody!

For example, there’s this guy… I’ll get to him later.

“Hey, cousin!” I called her from my own locker. She seemed startled, maybe I scared her? I don’t know, I just laughed.

“Hunter!” She came closer and gave me a warm hug. I liked our little group. Me, my best friend Jason and my cousin Abby. We made a good squad!

She greeted Jace, too. (Between you and me, I always wondered if the pair were together in secret or something like that. But I didn’t want to seem rude asking that. But I knew they were really close.)

“I’m kinda worried about the college acceptance envelopes. I’ve heard they should start arriving this week” Abby worked hard to maintain a perfect G.P.A and participated in a few extracurricular activities, like cheerleading.

“I’m a bit more worried I’ve barely done anything this year besides playing baseball and keeping my grades high enough” I was being modest, my G.P.A wasn’t as perfect as Abby’s 4.0, but it was a good 3.6 at least. Jason had a bit less than me, but still high enough to not be considered a dumbass.

Abby looked at her phone and mumbled a very fast “I’ll-see-you-later-guys!” Before walking away.

My phone started ringing when Jace and I started walking to our own classroom. “Oh, time for my medicine” I grabbed my box of pills from my school bag and walked to the nearby drinking fountain. I wasn’t scared of anybody watching me, it was a medical thing.

“Still holding Parker back?” Asked Jason a bit concerned.

“Yup, and I hope he’s happy wherever he is now” Okay, I should explain a bit. There’s me, Hunter Switzker. Your nice, friendly classmate.

Then there’s Parker. He’s… nice, I think. In his own way. My mother used to tell me stories about him to make me take my medicine, and they weren’t really nice. I didn’t need those stories now. He was better in the back of my mind, where he wouldn’t hurt anyone.

Apparently, we shared our body in a very friendly relationship, taking equal turns different days of the week. But after the accident… It became mandatory for me to take something to make him dormant.

Luckily, he’s my only other personality. I saw this movie were the guy had like 23. Yeah, I wouldn’t be able to live like that.

Jason knew about this, of course. He knew almost everything about me. Abby knew about it too. It was kind of a family secret, though.

They only knew it because they were really close to me, and even then, they never got to know Parker. And I hope that would stay like that.

After classes were over, I spent some time with my best friend. He had football practice and I had baseball practice, but after it was over, we would have a good laugh and walk around town for a while.

Specially after we both arrived late to the practices. Jason’s coach was actually cool about it, mocking him about “Arriving 8 minutes and 23 seconds late”. Good thing that our coaches are really nice, I guess?

Alright. Let me get this out of my system. Riverwood is BORING. I mean, there is nothing interesting. We just go to class, go to practice, and then we have the rest of the day to hang out. We don’t even get punished for arriving late to practices!

I’m not saying I would like to get robbed or be in a big trouble to get my adrenaline pumping, but something better than the daily stuff would be cool, alright?

Sometimes I wondered ‘What if I stop taking my medicines?’ Would it be that bad to have Parker around?

I don’t remember ever interacting with Parker. He was locked away by the medicine. I would hear whispers when I forget to take it for a few minutes after my alarm started to ring, but that was as far as I dared to go.

You could say I’m scared of him, yeah.

“It’s weird to say it, but I kinda missed the school, and the football practices” Jason said, after a while of wandering around.

“Agreed” I looked at the shops as we passed by. “I mean, it’s cool. But a little change would be cool too” I said.

He chuckled “Yeah. Speaking of that, gotta tell you something, Hunt” We stopped. I wondered what did he want to tell me.

The guy started looking around, like examining the area in case there was someone watching us, for some reason. It made me a bit uncomfortable? I mean, I know Jace since he transferred to this high school and he never acted like this.

“Shit. Will be better if I show you” Then he grabbed the back of my head and pulled me in for a make out session. Alright, wasn’t expecting that but I’ll take it.

Although, I may have taken a long time to kiss him back, probably from the surprise, but Jason quickly pulled away.

“S-Sorry, bro. Don’t know what came over me” Then he ran off. I stood there, pretty confused, and staring at him running away.

Once my senses came back to me, I thought about running after him, but it would be useless. He was way faster than me. I’ll call him, yeah. Maybe after a bit of time, so he can calm down. My best friend kissed me! And it was amazing!

Just in case you’re wondering, I’m not gay, but not straight, either. I don’t care about genders when it comes to… couple stuff, to call it some way. As long as I have a good bond with the other person, I’m open to anything.

I just hope this won’t ruin things between us.

Alright, I know what you may be thinking. “Why don’t you message him?” I know my best friend, and he’s hot-headed as fuck.

He needs some time to calm down a bit, so we can talk properly about what was that about

As I returned home, I sent Jace a few messages, but he wasn’t answering. “Weird” I thought.

Then, a great idea crossed my mind. What if I write him a letter? I know it’s old schooled, but I can pass it to him in class and he would know I’m not mad or grossed about what happened!

‘Switzker, you’re a genius!’ I thought.

I went to my desk and started writing, I would have to choose my words carefully.

“Jason” I started writing. “I’m not mad at you. I just couldn’t find the words at the time. We can talk about this if you want, but I want you to know I’m not mad at you, and I miss you.” I took a little pause to think.

“Let’s talk about what happened so we can settle things together. It’s totally understandable if you don’t want to. But you’re my best friend. Love you, Hunter”

That was perfect! I would give it to him as soon as I saw him. What could go wrong?

 ---

Part 2 - Dylan’s POV

My name is Dylan Buggs.

And today was the best day of my life.

I got an amulet, a magic amulet. My grandfather gave it to me, it was supposedly my heritage or something like that.

I know, it sounds weird. Why would my grandfather have a magic amulet? Well, I have an explanation for that. Gramps manages a store with a weird collection of stuff like this amulet here.

He doesn’t sell them to anyone. He’s not an idiot. He sells tourist garbage to the normal people and keeps the good stuff for himself!

And you know, for a socially anxious weirdo like me, this thing was like a ticket to paradise. I could make anyone make anything I wanted just by pressing the amulet’s button.

It was amazing! I tried it out with a few jocks already, before they could try to bother me around. And it made wonders.

But they weren’t the jock I wanted.

I’ll explain a bit about how this works. My grandpa said I would have to use it for the greater good and stuff like that. But I have more important things to do with it gramps, sorry.

For some reason, the amulet produces a green light that puts the people who watch it into a really deep state of trance. If you want to reprogram someone, it would need some deepening and then a few commands. But in the end, you can make wonders with it.

Remember those jocks I mentioned? They live to obey me now. I know, right? It’s so cool!

And to start with the real deal, I had to find Jason Storm. The man of my dreams.

He has perfect brown hair, green eyes, a masculine face with a cocky smile. And he was really built. Although I’ve never seen that myself, would have died if I saw that, because he would have beat me up.

As you may have guessed, the jocks aren’t really friendly towards me. I’ve never done anything to them, but they seem to hate me anyway, so I decided to just watch them from a safe distance.

But, that was about to change. Hell yeah.

I walked around, looking for my perfect jockboy, Jason. And then I found him. And another guy was with him, fuck.

I just had to… wait, where did they go?!

I had to find my jock to make him mine, it was only a matter of time!

I went to his house some hours after school. I knew he had football practice, and after that he tends to spend time with his… best friend.

Remember I said I enslaved a few jocks already while testing the amulet? I asked one of them for Jason’s address and he was more than happy to tell me.

It was a bit late, I thought it may be weird for me to appear at this time. Especially since I never hung out with Jason. I prepared myself, grabbing the amulet firmly in my hand. This was going to be a piece of cake.

I knocked the door and a deep voice yelled “Comin’!”

There he was. Jason opened the door still in his varsity jacket and a shirt underneath it. His eyes were a bit irritated, was he stoned or had he been crying?

“Do I know ya?” He asked, a bit confused. “I saw you in school, need somethin’?”

This wasn’t time for a chit chat. “Yeah, actually…” I pointed the amulet towards him and pressed the button. A flash of green light appeared for a few seconds, before turning itself down once again.

The hot hunk in front of me suddenly had a big smile in his face, and glazed over eyes.

Let me explain. My gramps’ amulet has the power to make a person completely compliant to the amulet’s wearer. The wearer is immune to the light, but anyone directly exposed to it enters in a… state of trance, of sorts?

Yes, it’s really powerful, and I’m so glad my grandfather gave it to me!

I told him to take me to his room, and act casually if we encountered anyone of his family.

We didn’t, luckily. I preferred to avoid putting more people under than who I was interested in. The school’s bullies were some of my objectives, of course.

I closed his room’s door and stared at him. He looked so good, and the dumb smile made him ten times more hot than usual.

I took the amulet out once again and flashed the light to his face once again. That would make him go deeper.

I wanted to start with the fun right away, so I told him to get on his knees as I dropped my pants. My cock was hard already. “Suck me off, Jason. Feel yourself falling deeper in trance as you do”

He nodded and started to work on the blowjob. It felt good, but he wasn’t really skilled on it.

“I want you to listen very careful to what I say, Jason. I am your master, alright?” I started programming him, as he kept sucking my cock.

“Yeah…” He said in a very monotone voice, before resuming his blowjob. “You’re my master…”

I pushed his head off my cock and made him look at me. “Good boy. You also know I always tell the truth, and that I’m your best friend, because we always spend so much time together, isn’t that right?”

He didn’t seem to like that last suggestion, because he started blinking a lot, until he mumbled “…Hunter?”

That motherfucker. He was causing my jockboy to break free from my control over him? Really?!

The guy was Hunter Switzker. He’s… well, I won’t lie, he’s the only jock that doesn’t try to harm me in any way, but he doesn’t have a good opinion of me. I don’t care though, he’s my least favorite from the bunch. Even the bullies are less hateful than him, in my opinion.

He has everything already. A hot best friend, a great family, good baseball skills, and everyone liked him. He basically had a perfect life.

You could say I’m jealous, yeah. But not without a reason.

But he wasn’t a problem, not anymore. Now I had my amulet!

I pointed it again at Jason’s face and pressed the button. Any trace of resistance vanished as he stared at me blissfully once again.

“No, Jace. It’s me, Dylan Buggs. Hunter is not your friend, you barely know him at all. In fact, you hate him because he used to mock me. You can’t stand to being around him at all, he makes you really mad.”

“Yeah… I hate Hunter…” He repeated. It worked perfectly!

“And I am your best friend. you’re also secretly attracted to me, isn’t that right?”

“Dylan… best friend… I’m attracted to ya” His smile grew bigger but his eyes were still glazed over.

I think that was enough, for now at least.

“That’s my good boy, on the count of three you will wake up” I counted and snapped my fingers in front of his face.

He blinked a few times, a bit confused about why he was on his knees. And then he saw me. His face filled with happiness.

“Master!” He got up and gave me a really warm hug.

“Hey big guy” I said after he let me go. I had the jock of my dreams under my control, awesome!

Sadly, as much as I wanted to spend the whole night fucking with his mind, I think it would be better to leave that for another day. The amulet uses your own energy to charge itself, and it made me pretty tired already.

Magic balance purposes, I guess. I spent a bit of time with Jason though, and it was amazing. He treated me like his best friend, and due to my other suggestion, he also threw a few flirty comments here and there.

But as I said before, the amulet made me feel really tired already. I told my jockboy I would see him tomorrow at school. He was a bit sad since, according to him, I just arrived.

I said goodbye to him with a quick kiss, which made him blush, and left the house. Damn, I used the amulet just a few times and it really drained my energy. But according to grandpa, the more I used it, the more skilled I would get and it wouldn’t leave me as tired as I am now.

Next day, at school, I searched for my new best friend at school.

I found him in his locker, but before I could get to him, another guy got there first.

It was Hunter.

I stood behind a corner as Hunter went directly to Jason as the later looked around in his locker. If everything worked correctly, my jock would feel complete hate at the bare mention of my rival.

“Hey Jace!” He said. “I haven’t seen you around today, maybe we can talk about-“  Jason slammed his locker and stared at his former best friend. His expression was weird mix between disgust and anger. “Is something wrong?” Asked Hunter, a bit surprised of his friend’s reaction.

“Why, yeah. Yeah, there’s something wrong” The big guy walked closer to the baseball player, as the later walked backwards, clearly scared.

“What are you talking about? We haven’t talked since yesterday after what happened”

What happened yesterday? I may have to… Damn, I couldn’t ask Jason, I made him forget about Hunter. Well, I don’t think I missed something important.

“I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about” Jason said, one of his eyes started blinking a lot, like he had some kind of nervous tic. But it stopped. Phew, that was close.

“What is going on here?” Damn. That old hag professor Alice. It looked like Jason had clenched his fist after that weird… struggle with himself, ready to make the first blow into his former best friend.

Hunter was scared, and he took the chance to go away as the professor made sure nobody got in a fight.

I had to take care of him. If a simple conversation was enough for Jason to almost break free from my control, I needed to make a foolproof plan. As much as I liked to see him suffer, I would have to put him under too to make sure he never messed with my plans, or with my jockboy.

I followed him after his little encounter, and when he stopped in his locker, I thought about my next move.

“Hey Switzker” I said, tapping the guy’s shoulder. He looked at me quickly and resumed what he was doing, like I wasn’t worth enough of his attention.

“Hey… Dylan? Need something?” He asked. Probably faking amiability. God, I would enjoy this so much.

“Yes, mind if I show you something?” He looked at me again as I grabbed the amulet and pointed it to him, pressing the button quickly. The usual green light appeared and his expression faded, replaced with glazed eyes and a dumb smile.

Great. The biggest threat to my plan was under my control!

“Can you hear me, Hunter?” The baseball player nodded. “Good. For so much time, you had everything with the minimum effort. Good grades, a good best friend, everyone loving you… but that’s about to change, you understand?”

The guy nodded without a care in the world. Like he was actually happy for what was about to happen.

“I’ve always thought about you as a dumb jock, no matter how much you try to pretend you aren’t. That little act you put up, befriending the nerds and acting like one of them to make them feel safe. Yeah, I don’t believe you.” I pushed his forehead with my finger, teasingly. If he wasn’t in a trance, he would have been very mad. “In fact, you will embrace your true self, a dumb jock, understood?”

Hunter nodded, his dumb smile turning bigger. A bit of saliva dripping by the corner of his mouth.

I petted his head, like he was some kind of dog. “Good boy. You will also forget about Jason Storm, and only think about him like he’s your bully, which means you fear him, understood?”

He nodded once again, his smile almost vanishing for a second, but his expression quickly relaxed once again. God, this was awesome.

And now, for the final part. “You will recognize me as your master, always eager to obey me. Always wanting my approval. I own you, from now on, understood Hunter?”

“Yeah, Master Dylan” He laughed a bit, before going back to being silent. Everything was settled.

My plan is now complete. With Hunter out of the picture, Jason will love me without a chance to break free from my control. Now it was time to move on to the rest of the school!

---

Chapter 2 is already available in my Patreon!  And by pledging you also get access to other stories before they go public!

#Best friends right? #mind control #brainwash #brainwashing #tf #gay hypnosis #hypnotized

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

HIStory’s ranked (no one asked, but here i go)

so i was sittin here, talkin to myself about the HIStory series’ and was like ‘hey, i should rank them’ (which i’ve seen a few other people do, but mines a lot more rambling than there’s because i can’t shut up lol) 

so here’s my views lol (ordered from worst to best, imo):

6) My Hero (HIStory1) -

probably universally acknowledged as the worst episode, and i’d be inclined to agree with the masses on this lol... not only is the tone and humour of this series so weird and disjointed, but the entire story line literally makes no sense lol?? it’s unclear who the audience should be rooting for (especially as it goes out of it’s way to paint our protagonist as really unlikable lol, not to mention the love interest is the dullest character ever conceived like ???), as well as this the ending feels completely unrelated and bizarre... 

i think this concept /could/ have worked if the guy the woman was inhabiting (which sounds weird without context, but like she’s dead lol) was somehow also inside his head? or if she got to see his memories or whatever & tries to adjust her personality to match the guy’s, causing love interest!dude to fall in love with the guy... (like i could go into more detail, i basically hav an entire au written in my head lol, but yh...)... that way, her letting go of him in the end would feel so much more well set up? especially if she was generally more understanding and likeable.. 

i think overall this series just fails in telling a decent story lol... & the cringe is even beyond what i can handle lol

5) Obsessed (HIStory1) -

people might be surprised to see this one so low down, especially since i know a lot of people really love this series (& if u do, no hate to u btw, ur allowed to like whatever u want idc), but i realllllly don’t like this series... like at all ...

the plot is weird anyway, which isnt inherently a bad thing, but then u add on the really bad couple and it’s just...... bad lol... like everything about their relationship is built on lies and deceit, and even more so than that it’s built on a lack of mutual respect and fundamental trust for each other! tall guy (i don’t know names soz) feigns memory loss in order to get closer to short guy (btw, the scenes with them being domestic were really sweet, & i firmly believe this could have been an alright series for the actors if the story line wasn’t so bad), short guy’s whole existence in that universe was a lie lol (like i know there’s no easy way to tell someone ‘lol well i’m technically from the future’ but still), then there’s the whole resolution at the end & it’s just so ??? frustrating lol!

nothing bugs me more than seeing conflict in relationships (on screen or irl) that could be solved simply by TALKING TO EACH OTHER GODDAMNIT & isnt lol... my other issue with this series is the fact tall guy 100% forced himself upon short guy in the tent & like we’re just supposed to accept it cos ?? he’s saying no and pushing away but actually he wants it because he loves tall guy ?? like fuck no i’m not accepting that lol! 

basically, bad & bizarre story & characters, & gross tropes just makes this hard for me to watch and enjoy lol... i think, like in my hero, this could’ve done with being a different story altogether lol... (maybe tall guy actually did lose his memory & he falls for short guy all on his own with no predatory intentions?? idk something like that)

4) Right or Wrong (HIStory2)

this one & my number 3 are very much tied tbh, but this one is just slightly lower just because i’m not as big into the couple as i know a lot of people are... & it’s not necessarily the age gap, cos i dont actually mind age gaps in pairings (just as long as the younger one isnt a minor, obv... and also i think any gap that’s 30+ years is a bit weird lol..).. i think my big problem with this is i dont really see why younger guy (again, i have no idea of any of these characters’ names lol) would fall for the older guy? like the older guy is obvs going thru some issues, and hasnt been taking care of himself or his kid properly because of them, but like we dont rly see a lot of why he’s a great guy? like we get the sense young guy is attracted to him, but like love is more than just thinkin they’re hot lol... idk lol this might just be me tbh i just couldnt see why he’d be interested lol

i did like the whole family side though, and showing how a man who was previously with a woman can still end up with a guy (bisexualityyyyy (or some variation of that thereupon)) is something you dont always see in media, so i thought that was pretty cool! (even if the ex-wife thing was kinda lame lol...) 

i think overall i see what this series was going for, and that it actually did an alright job in some parts... the biggest problem is that it’s kinda just forgettable lol... maybe that’s why people like obsessed so much lol? maybe it was a train wreck but ohh boy at least u wont forget it in a hurry lol!

3) Stay Away From Me (HIStory1) -

i’m a bit torn about this one, cos there are parts of it i actually really like (them going from rivals/enemies to being good friends to being more), and other parts i really didnt (the stereotypical squealing yaoi fangirl friend)... & tbh, i kinda wish this had just been a show about the budding friendship between the 2 guys... it almost feels too forced to me that they’re made to ‘fall in love’ when i actually think them both becoming less selfish and learning to respect each other as step brothers & friends is actually already a really great story (& i know that it doesnt fit with the whole ‘HIStory’ thing, but stories of platonic brotherhood/’bromance’ are just as important as gay representation... isnt a /substitute/ for representation, don’t get me wrong, but it’s always so beautiful to see decently portrayed non-toxic friendships between guys... ok this is a rant for another day tho shhh)

i think maybe why i like this one more than the other HIStory1′s is because kinda nothing happens lol... it’s not overly complex with weird unexplained magic things happening, it’s just a simple story lol... is it still tropey as hell? of course lol! but i think the ‘realism’ of the world really helps, and i def think this was incorporated more into HIStory 2, which i’m really glad about...

overall, this is a relatively harmless series & is actually quite sweet at times... the kiss is awkward as fuck tho (there, i said it lol...)... it suffers the same forgetability as right or wrong tho... 

2) Crossing the Line (/Boundary Crossing) (HIStory2) -

ok, so here’s a series i 100% love & totally agree with the hype around lol! i hav no interest in volleyball (or any sports tbh), but the way this show handles the friendships and dynamics between the characters is really well done, especially for a series that’s only 8 episodes long! i also really love that none of the characters really fall into any stereotypes (which is a great improvement from HIStory1 i can tell u lol), and are given the space to actually have some growth & nuance at times?! 

(nuance? in MY HIStory series?? it’s more likely than you think!)

the main couple have really amazing chemistry, and the way they get together doesnt feel too out of place or that it’s going to fast, it just sorta flows really nicely... even the side couple are pretty well done (though i wasnt that big into them on my first watch, just cos the whole overbearing older brother thing was kinda annoying... i liked them more as the series went on tho...)

i kinda dont have any major complaints? which is bizarre cos i always hav complaints about things lol... maybe my complaint would be that they all look way too old and attractive to be whatever teenage age they’re supposed to be lol... (but tbh that doesnt take anything away from the story so i’ll forgive them lol...)... i think maybe i wouldnt consider it my favourite because the story line didnt grab me like the number 1... but i really cant fault it in terms of what it delivers lol, legit such a well put together series!

1) Trapped (HIStory3) -

lol i think anyone who’s been following me for the past few months aren’t in the slightest bit surprised this is my number one... i just love it too much lol!

from the incredibly well written and well acted characters, to the interesting and engaging (even if a bit ridiculous) plot, to the beautifully told romance , it really has it all doesn’t it!!! & i think even if this wasnt an enemies to lovers thing (aka one of the most godtier of all fanfic tropes), there’s so many things going for this series that make it worth watching! i have a few complains about editing choices and a few bad trope plot points which were just unnecessary (plus the fact we missed out on a lot of background info on some major characters lol...), but like despite everything this series rly struck a chord with me deep down in my soul lol

i could go waaay more into detail (and maybe i will one day lol... tho not rn, i’m v tired), but the gist of the matter is: i really love trapped lol

(conclusion)

Even though i’ve complained quite a bit here, i am so grateful for the HIStory series’ for bringing really interesting, and a little mad, stories with gay characters and story lines, with a big emphasis on happy endings! there are so many lgbt stories/characters in things that end up dying or just have bad endings, which just sends this horrible message that lgbt people aren’t worthy of having happy endings, which is completely untrue! 

So i look forward to future HIStory’s, even if some of them are gonna be bad (& maybe none will live up to the trapped!shaped bullet firmly lodged in my heart lol)

fin~

#HIStory series #HIStory1 #HIStory2 #HIStory3 #(not gonna tag them all individually cos we'll be here for years lol) #review #rant #(not really) #gay series #taiwanese series #lgbt series #lgbtq #HIStory #i've not read it through lol... might make no sense... dont read this lol

[charlyoddsox27]

its 6am, i havent slept, im bored, so im posting a list of the mercs in order of whom i like the most and reasons why, because thats something i should do i guess?

here goes

(spoilers for the comics down below but either way i think im the only person on earth who has never read them before now)

~~~

~~1. Medic~~

reasons for being my favourite:

• fucking. look. at. him. 👌

• 'mad german doctor' is one of my favourite tropes and he is a pretty bang-on satirical depiction of it

• cute-ass german accent

• he has pet pidgeons hE LOVES HIS PIDGEON PALS THEY KEEP HIM COMPANY

• healers are the most respectable class imo and since Medic pretty much started it he's automatically the best, thats how it works right?

• he sold some random persons soul to satan in exchange for a ***ballpoint pen*** and can i just say, fucking mood??? (he is literally the "i'd sell you to satan for one cornchip" meme)

• "yes, Archimedes...I couldn't agree more." *shudders* b oi .. .

• so many more reasons to love this gross old doctor so little room in Tumblrs posts.

~~2. Spy~~

reasons for being my second favourite:

• cranky, done with everyones shit, just wants to be left alone, fucking mood

• he's a spy i mean c'mon. look at the swanky-ass suit, look at the class radiating from this asshole.

• he may be a dick but he has a soft side he's just too jaded to show it most of the time (see: Scouts death in the comics?? real tears. honestly wish they'd panned that out more.)

• masks are hot tbFH--

• he enjoys a nice glass of whisky by the fireplace and so do i (fun fact: france is the biggest importer of scottish whisky in the world so its a nice touch)

• shapeshifting is fucking cool are you serious like he can just. do that. what a legend

• "i have a cyanide pill in one of my molars, if i break it then spit some in your mouth before i die, we can avoid being tortured." *'heavy' bursts in to save them* "PFFTHBTHF--"

• "SEDUCE ME."

• arrogant frenchman is one of my other favourite tropes and this is the most arrogant frenchman ive ever seen

• he's the only fully sane Merc, maybe apart from Engie.

• people love to hate him bc he's an asshole but...come on. after working with all those other weirdos for years, you'd be pretty jaded too.

• as a gross shipper, he's the easiest and the most fun (imo) to ship with Medic (rip me)

~~3. Pyro~~

reasons for being my third favourite:

• would have tied with Soldier if it werent for that one picture of them in the comics holding a puppy over their head with the most adoring expression on their mask??? good Pyro. goodest Pyro.

• doesn't do much in the comics but makes up for it in pure charm. look at that soulless face and tell me you dont love it.

• ambiguous gender ambiguous gender amBIGUOUS GENDER AMBIGUOUS GENDER. she/he/they? trans? nb? whatever you headcanon, it'll never be confirmed so its literally up to your own imagination. fucking ace, Valve 👌👌👌

• likes to burn things. god damnit. they like to burn things, guys. but they enjoy it so much, you just cant hate them, you can only feel a sympathetic joy that this precious lunatic is having fun in their own little world.

• canonically mentally ill (schizoprenia? it could be hallucinogenic drugs but i like to think its schizophrenia.)

• pretty sure they burned a pair of pedophiles in the comics. at least i think thats what those panels were insinuating. "lets open an orphanage and have an endless supply of kids to--" sounds pretty red-flaggy to me tbh. plus they were the villains so, eh?

• bludgeoned a bear to death until its skull was pulp because it insulted their special interest. you go, Pyro.

• for a few bits in the comics they have a really cute family dynamic going on with other Mercs, Soldier for example."Miss Pauling, Pyros on my side of the car." "Miss Pauling, Pyro cut off my hand." fuckin' cuties.

• when they start putting on like 50 shirts to keep warm in the Russian mountains. chubby.

• a gas mask that can function as both badass, and completely adorable.

• just. everything about them. how could you not love them. they're not in the wrong, you are. stay away from my misunderstood child and let them burn things god damnit.

~~4. Soldier~~

look I'm sorry, I love Soldier and he was gonna be tied with Pyro but that fucking puppy drawing sold me.

• absolute gold every second he speaks. he could sneeze and i'll laugh.

• such a dumbass you cant get annoyed at him for it. like. just agree with him and move on. no point reasoning with a boulder. "haha! silly Miss Pauling, thinking theres different types of blood." Medic: "haha yes! indeed, silly."

• HUTTAH *NECK SNAP*

• i'm not American and even i can see how blatantly his character mocks stereotypical Patriotic Americans™. but its so dumb and laughable, its adorable.

• EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH ZHANNA IS A BLESSING. EVERYTHING.

• the first "meet the Mercs" video i ever saw was "meet the Soldier" so he holds a special place in my heart

• (preaches about experiencing the horrors of war; has never actually been to war. shh dont tell anyone though--) *neck gets snapped*

~~5. Demoman~~

�� I'm Scottish. even though his accent is absolute garbage (no offense to the VA), any representation is very nice.

• Black AND Scottish?? i mean has a character like that even existed before TF2??? amazing example of representation right there. there are barely even any black people in Scotland, how did this happen. I love it. more of this, please.

• he's a drunk guy who blows shit up for shits and giggles and god I wish I could too, sounds like a miracle stress-reliever.

• his sassy black scottish mother. combining the stereotypical black mother with the stereotypical scottish mother is literally the best thing that ever happened.

• the bit in the comic where Medic explains that Demo can't remember what happened to his eye bc he scooped out part of his brain, and the look on Demo's face. just. the look.

• again, he's scottish, he's stereotypical, and he's awesome.

~~6. Sniper~~

• underrated

• piss jars. piss jars everywhere.

• "no dad, im not a crazed murdering lunatic, I'm an assassin. ...well one's a job and the other's mental sickness!!"

• "meet the Sniper" has kickass music

• ruffled gross old man who isn't actually old, he's just seen some SHIT

• actually given development in the comics + some really good scenes with Spy.

• so suave...so...handsome. handsome ruffled bushman. me like.

• he dies first in the comics but gets brought back and gets a cool-ass scar. and then he's just walking around naked everywhere for the rest of the comic. Medic, where the fuck did you put his clothes.

• isn't actually Australian. thats like one of the biggest twists in the comic. "no wonder i was never inhumanly strong and my chest hair didn't grow into the shape of Australia!!" Classic.

• says "bugger" a lot and i love that word

• he needs a hug, let me hug him. and give him a bath.

~~7. Heavy~~

I'm gonna be crucified for putting the big lad so low but i promise i dont dislike any of the Mercs. he'd be higher up but...ive never really liked big huge tank-men tbh :/

• loveable as fuck

• will murder you if you bully his puny little Medic

• i looove Russian accents omfg

• he like big gun. i can respect that.

• when Medic was killed and he went APESHIT on Classic!Heavy and I lost my fuckin' mind over that shit

• he probably has a soft spot for small cute animals. i love imagining him being swarmed by Medics flock of doves and petting them like "good bird...so many good bird..."

• actually smarter than people give him credit for???

• i really really wish his character was a lil more fleshed out but. that's just me. i love him but he doesn't have the same appeal to me as Medic or Spy.

• his entire relationship with Medic...ugh. yes. best friends and/or boyfriends. all good to me 👌

• he named his gun Sasha and that's adorable

~~8. Engineer~~

• gOD, FUCK, I REALLY WISH HE DID MORE IN THE COMICS. i barely know anything about his character. i like him a lot but...god, he...he doesn't...do.....anything.......

• he built a cool robot arm for himself and AI turrets and teleporter machines and guns that fire magic healing powers and immortality machines, in the 1960s. what. some kind of wizard fuckery is this.

• smoothest voice in the west

• "y'all"

~~9. Scout~~

oh god i really am gonna be crucified. i dont hate him i just. like him the least.

• shitboy

• reminds me of a shitty ex but also kinda relateable in a way

• some genuinely funny bits in the shorts.

• gross horny hetero teen boy with a god complex and serious daddy issues. also, he can't read. the "sex bom" tattoo on his chest will be an eternal testament to that. nice job, Spy. you raised him good.

~~~

hoo boy there we go theres all the boys, all the beautiful boys (and Scout) in order of how much i love them. if i made any errors in my info about the canon, feel free to send me death threats 💙 (no seriously tell me though, being a newbie is embarrassing)

so uh. yeah. that took two hours to write. its now 8am. im still bored lol. bye i guess.

#long post #charlyspeaks #charlys cesspool of interests #team fortress 2 #team fortress #medic #pyro #heavy #engineer #scout #spy #demoman #sniper #soldier #zhenna #tf2 #drabble #my opinions #ooooo

[ssinkpress]

FROM: Originally July 07, 2021. 

Sadie Sink on Fear Street and the power of Gen Z: 'My generation is very opinionated, and they're ready to build the world that they want to live in'

Our newest scream queen obsession!

BY SHEILLA MAMONA AND JOSH SMITH THURSDAY 12 AUGUST 2021

Sadie Sink’s achievements and power far outstrips her 19 years of age. Playing Maxine Mayfield in Stranger Things bought Sadie instant international fame, 14 million Insta followers and she has also already starred alongside the likes of Woody Harrelson in the movie, The Glass Castle and opposite Helen Mirren on stage in The Audience. Oh, and is a part time skateboarder too. This Texas born girl has got skills!

Now she adds Netflix’s new trilogy of horror movies, Fear Street to her bursting CV. Horror movies can, well, be horrific viewing at times. It’s rare to watch one which is not only makes you sh*t yourself with nerves but also gets you thinking about the world we actually live in. That was until Netflix dropped this trilogy.

Based on the books by Goosebumps (90s babies are shacking, now that’s a flashback) author, RL Stine Fear Street follows a group of high schoolers over a trilogy of movies the first in 1994, then 1978 and 1666 attempting to not only solve a murder mystery but a 351 year long curse on the middle American town of Shadyside.

Whilst there is gore galore, at the film’s heart is the queer love story between Deena and Sam, played by Kiana Maderia and Olivia Welch respectively, a love story rarely seen in a horror movie or rather ANY mainstream movie. And in the second movie, Fear Street 1978 the relationship between Sadie’s Zadie and her sister, Cindy is the centre of the drama as the curse comes to the summer camp in Shadyside and her campmates become possessed. Just another summer day then?

As the native Texan prepares to get her scream on, she opens up to GLAMOUR about coming of age, dealing with the horrors on screen, the horrors of adulting off screen (hard relate) and finding her voice…

The Fear Street trilogy is epic! What was your own onset horror story?

I had the most fun filming these movies but there were a lot of scenes where things got really intense and it was late at night. The biggest moment was one of those final scenes where, ‘bad things are happening.’ I was all bloody, I was laying in the grass, it was like 3:00 AM, and I just thought, ‘these are not good circumstances! I feel very physically uncomfortable, but I am having the best time ever! I feel gross and disgusting, but I could not be having more fun.’

Friendship is such a strong theme in Fear Street and how it can quite literally save us. How has friendship saved you?

Friendship is so important! Having friends that are real friends that know you and have your best interest at heart is really important - it's hard to find those people, but I have some really incredible people in my life that I trust and rely on. Especially in this industry, when things start to pick up and get really crazy and overwhelming, it's just so nice to have someone to FaceTime at the end of the day, just talk to and vent with. I'm lucky to have some amazing people in my life that I can do that with.

Fear Street must have been so intense to film. How do you look after your mental wellbeing and what have been some turning points in that journey for you away from filming?

When things get really intense and overwhelming on set, massages are great, calling my mom is great or just like watching Schitt's Creekat the end of the day - that's great! It’s really important to take a breath and calm down, especially when you're putting yourself in the elements with shows like Stranger Things and with movies like Fear Street, it gets really intense.

Stranger Things and Fear Street both share a similar storyline of discovering your ‘self.’ What have been some turning points in that journey for you?

I think when I turned 18, and then was working as an adult in this industry that's when things really changed for me. Now I'm 19 and I'm living in Atlanta without parents and working on my own - it's been a huge adjustment, just working as a child actor and the strict hours, you have to have a guardian, and your parents are always with you. Going from that to learning how to work as an adult, dealing with being on your own and taking care of yourself, that's been a huge turning point. But also it's proven to me that I can do this, I'm ready and it makes me hopeful for my future.

What have you learned about your own power and how has your perception of your own power changed?

I think definitely growing up in this industry when you're starting out as a kid, at least for me, I've always been very timid, even with things like interviews when I was first being introduced into that world and I was very timid and very nervous. Then as I've become more comfortable with it, you start to find your voice and get in the groove of things. That is really empowering for me, just to see how far I've come and how much more of a voice I feel like I have now compared to when I first started out. You can see it, looking back at videos of myself acting or in interviews when I was younger, compared to where I am now, it's amazing to see that self-growth is just all captured on camera, on the internet, everywhere.

What was maybe the biggest adulting challenge for you in that journey?

It's just the little things! I can do dishes, I can do laundry, I'm good with all of that, but (with) driving, it was really nice to have my mom when she would drive me places! I knew how to drive at one point, but then I just threw that out the window, I don't do that anymore. We're learning as we go!

I love that Fear Street heroes characters who would have usually been killed off in the first minute or first scene. It flips labels and stereotypes, too. What stereotypes have been placed on you in your own life that you have had to shake off?

I try not to think about what people are labeling me as, but the only really face-to-face experience I've ever had with that is when Stranger Things started to blow up and being at school still, dealing with kids, how they treated you a little bit differently. And not treating you as the person that you've always been, but treating you as this, ‘new actress who's on this really cool show.’ That was an adjustment!

It’s interesting that the trilogy covers three very different periods and shows how sexism has always been so prominent. What surprises you about how much further we still have to go?

Watching these movies in the way they deal with the strong female characters and how they were treated, and then also the Sam and Dina relationship and how that was viewed, shows definitely that we've come a very long way. I think there's still a lot of work to be done, but luckily, I feel like my generation, they're very opinionated and they're ready to build the world that they want to live in in the future. That gives me hope, and hopefully a lot of adults and kids hope as well.I think we all have a lot to learn from each other, it's just a matter of really listening.

If you could go back to the start of filming Fear Street and give yourself one bit of advice, what would it be?

I would probably tell her, ‘Be sure to stretch, really take care of yourself, start running, keep that stamina up!’ But then also, I would say, ‘Things are going to get really intense, but also you're going to make the best memories of your life on this and you're going to have a really incredible summer, so it's worth every tear, every drop of sweat!”

Fear Street 1978 is available to watch now on Netflix

#glamourmagazine #pressfs #fs #2021

[writingonjorvik]

Can We Discuss How To Make SSO a Better RPG?

Since I’ve about SSO having a better multiplayer experience, I want to continue with the other aspect of being an MMORPG, the RPG part. This one might get a bit more technical, so bear with me.

The common interpretation of SSO being an RPG is that it has a role-playing community inside the game. And this is difficult to say is untrue, but that’s not what makes a game an RPG, not on a technical or genre level. That’s not what the industry would define as the genre of RPGs. And I’m not going to get into jRPGs and Western RPGs, but an RPG doesn’t have to be a multiplayer game. Therefore, an RPG can’t just be a game with a role-playing community, and it’s not. That’s the part I want to discuss.

The reason why that’s difficult to differentiate is that the genre comes from role-playing games, with role-playing communities. It comes from table top games, like GURPS and Dungeons & Dragons and all the other pen and paper games you’ve heard about nerds playing in gross basements (all the furtherest from the truth, that stereotype, but that’s another topic). In those games, your role is two fold. On one hand, you are role-playing, you are playing a character, but on the other, you’re fulfilling a role in your character’s build, and this usually determines the first as well. A D&D party has its healer, its tank, and its damage dealer. Those are the roles they’re filling. This is also why in most games there are class systems, so you can fulfill a role in your party or group of friends when you play the game, usually in a combat sense.

And this where we come back to SSO. I’m not suggesting that SSO needs combat, but there is not role fulfillment in the game. Partially because there’s no co-operative element in SSO’s gameplay, there’s no good role system. There are the remnants of a pretty good one from the CD-ROM games in the stats, yet those are grossly unbalanced now. I feel I’ve said this before, but can you think of any good competitive player using anything besides a high Riding/Speed gear set? Besides cheating, it just isn’t done. It would be near impossible to win with any other gear set, because that’s the only good build setup in the game. That’s an imbalance in the stat set because there’s no other viable build you could play besides a Speed build. There is no role to play, there are no options to branch out and still win. 

What I’m not suggesting is that SSO adds classes necessarily. While that would be an interesting fix, it could also break the game. I mean, they could likely make a good deal of money by adding in classes and then having a class change option for Star Coins. But if they don’t overhaul their stat system or add in co-operative parts of the game, it wouldn’t matter. The Speed build is still going to be the best build out of all of them. Further there’s still no system or mode in SSO that encourages roles, which is a multiplayer experience. So before we make big overhauls like that, let’s add a reason for them.

First, we need to create co-operative game type. What about a Mario Kart-esque race, with power pickups that temporarily give you those skills SSO promised so long ago. We have a speed boost, a short immunity from getting slowed on hitting a jump, a hard stop for players behind you, and then a hard stop for the player in 1st place. Now we have a reason roles. Hard stops mean you need stronger Command/Discipline to recover up lost time and ground, and those speed boosts may be nice, but imagine getting a speed boost on one of the Firgrove trails, and suddenly Agility seems really nice to have. Then have a 5 v. 5 Balloon Battle-esque game in one of the corrals or the riding hall, where if you get three hits, you’re out, or every hit you get is a point. Quick turnaround become way more important in a game like that.

Now, we need to overhaul the stat system. Most of the stats need a debuff, to actually encourage putting points into them instead of speed. Speed needs to go from what it is to ludicrous levels, maybe twice as fast, but Agility needs to be halved and we need more stat sets unlinking these two together. Not all, but some. Further, Command needs to have its cool down times doubled, making recovering from something much harder to do. The point of these three is that it needs to feel like you’re going very fast if you put all your points into to Speed, but you should also feel the loss of other abilities, and that should make the game play a certain way if you’re going to build a certain way. Then we have Jumping, which needs to have be attached to each individual object, not to how well you can cheat at clearing a jump. I know it makes a lot of our lives easier in training to cheat jumps, but it makes the stat arguably useless unless you need a certain Jumping/Strength total to clear a jump. I don’t think this should be used in races for story quests (or be set at a particularly high number), but it should be added to most objects the devs intend for the player to be jumping over, at a level appropriate number for the race and area to be fair, but also to reward higher level players/players willing to branch out in other build types with short cuts.

However, compared to the fifth stat, the issues with the other four are almost nothing. Caring/Endurance has zero function in this game, which is a shame, because it did in the original games. And the issue is I don’t know a good solution in an MMO context for that the change. The fix for Caring/Endurance is in the CD-ROM games you had an endurance meter, determining how long your horse could run at a full out gallop. Which is a good fix in a single player game, but also I have bad memories of playing Autumn Riders and that map being so big. SSO is arguably bigger, and having to run with an endurance meter seems like a bad idea for a game that’s continuing to grow. It would certainly make the game more realistic, and there are already the barebones of this system from quests that make you carry breakable objects, but I don’t know if it would outweigh how slow it would make the game feel. It’s possible this could just be added in races, though I feel like a lot of people wouldn’t want to have their training slowed down (to which I ask, do you remember the original EXP rewards for training, this is still better), but I still don’t see that as a good fix. It’s possible that instead we could link the max gait your horse can run to its health, which would encourage having higher Caring/Endurance to recharge that since my other fixes make it harder to turn and jump, causing more hits. Actually, that’s a decent solution.

After stats get reset, then we can start talking about classes. They would each need their own abilities, and the devs would need to follow their competitive scene then with balance patches to make the game feel more fair. But hey, there would be an actual competitive scene and think of how many people would be clothes shopping after to get better gear for their skill set. I don’t think added classes is required though if the devs would let us pick where our points go ourselves, but if they wanted to simplify the process just by having stat combinations preset to a class, that would be cool too. And even then, the perks needs to be simple to understand. I like the idea of tying it to the big competition types, supposing we get the others, Cross-country, Jumping, Dressage, and Western. I know very little about actual riding, so I suppose that would be up to other people to decide what matches which stat build. I think though it would feel more inclusive and on brand if they tied the actual names of the classes to the seasons or to the Druid Circles.

Honestly, even implementing just the first level of these changes would have a huge change to the gameplay, not to mention a race like that sounds like lots of fun. Magic races are my favorite mode on Alicia Online, which is one of SSO’s only competitors at the moment. It would certainly add to the multiplayer aspects of the game, particularly if we just get auto assigned to teams if we’re not in one. Little fixes, things to make it feel like my character isn’t identical to every other character in the game. Because don’t get me wrong, my headcanon of my character is unique to me, but when I play, what makes my character special? Other than outfits, there’s nothing unique at all about us in game. Things that make you forget your character is supposed to be a Chosen One. Or hey, the devs could just remove the RPG from their title and not have to worry about fixing any of it. But hey, just my two bits.

#star stable #star stable online #sso #woj analysis

[myso-calledlibraryy]

Eleanor and Park

And here we have again a novel that perfectly depicts all the emotions of high school. I can’t tell if this is a real thing or if I was just constantly overly emotional and stereotypical. Genuinely leaning towards the stereotype because I can't remember the last time I saw a coming of age film that did not prompt “omg that is Maura” from all of my friends. 

Anywhoooo, this week I read the novel Eleanor and Park again for the first time since I was a junior in high school (ew). I seemed to have not changed a bit as all of my emotions were just as I remembered.

Eleanor and Park is written by Rainbow Rowell. Rowell has several other books all which I loved and had a similar coming of age theme. Rowell is from Omaha, where Eleanor and Park takes place. While living in Omaha she worked for a local newspaper as a columnist for many years. In 2011, she released her first novel, which was not YA, and the following year released Eleanor and Park. This novel, along with Fangirl, were critically acclaimed and among many top ten lists. In 2013, Eleanor and Park received scrutiny from parents due to its sensitive content(which we will get to soon) but Rowell replied with the fact that this stuff really happens. I commend Rowell for writing about such hefty topics, we cannot shelter children from the real world. Rowell currently resides in Nebraska with her husband and children and is currently working on writing some comic books. 

So let me begin by again saying that I love this book and I love books about love. I am so grossed out that I just said that. 

Eleanor and Park follows, well, Eleanor and Park on an epic little love story filled with chaos. Both kids struggle with their home life, bullies, and some gender expression, but in different ways that fit together perfectly. The novel is written in third person with different chapters focusing on either one. This makes it very easy to follow along even though you are taken on a bit of a crazy journey.

We start with Eleanor getting on the bus on the first day at her new school. She is at this new school because she is finally back living with her mom, siblings, and her mom’s AWFUL boyfriend Richie. Richie is incredibly abusive and had kicked Eleanor out of the house the year prior. Her mom is so sweet, but acts blind to the violence of Richie. The house they live in is only five rooms, with one of them being the fake room which is the bathroom in the kitchen separated by a sheet. Obviously the family is very poor and this is a struggle for Eleanor because all of the kids make fun of her. 

On top of having an awful home life, Eleanor is just so incredibly awkward. She is very tall and overall just kind of big, her bright red curly hair doesn’t help either. Eleanor also wears a lot of masculine clothes, which is how she chooses to express herself and the source of a lot of bullying. She wants to just blend in at her new school but the second she steps on that bus she becomes the target of bullying. 

When Eleanor is URGENTLY searching for a seat on the bus, the only available spot is next to Park. 

Park is half Korean, quite the rarity in Omaha, and this makes him the subject of a lot of racism and microaggressions. The opening scenes depict him sitting on the bus while Tina and Steve (gross nasty bullies I don’t care what nice things they do, they are gross and nasty) are questioning him about kung fu. Park has a much better home life than Eleanor with two very loving parents, but him and his father don’t always see eye to eye. Park puts a lot of pressure on himself to be the perfect man for his dad, but Park just always feels inadequate in this. This turns out to be something Eleanor really helps with and brings them closer together. 

How freaking perfect for a love story to start with two misfits finding each other on the bus. 

The two sit next to each other for quite some time and no one says ~anything~. These two little dorks just sit there in silence, but both are very happy to be sitting next to someone without admitting it. Park is happy to have a reason not to talk to the bullies and Eleanor is just happy not to be alone. 

Eleanor and Park begin to grow a silent bond. Eleanor reads Parks comic books over his shoulder and he begins to notice. She notices he notices when he waits to start his new comic book Watchmen (watch this show on HBO right now). When they get to her house, Park gives Eleanor the comic book to take with her and she reads it again and again that night. 

This where you really start to push for the couple. I was literally SHOUTING at the pages. I wanted Park to just like run up and kiss her. And then I would be like NO Eleanor be the strong woman we all know you are and make that move. But we have all been in high school and know it is most definitely not that easy. 

After exchanging comic books, Park finally has to talk to Eleanor. He notices the title of a Smiths song on her textbook and asks if she likes the Smiths. AND SHE HAS THE AUDACITY TO SAY NO AND THEN NOT SAY ANYTHING ELSE. If she was my friend I would’ve smacked her 100%. Eleanor stop being so freaking awkward and talk to the boy!!!! But yes of course I found it incredibly sweet how nervous he made her, I hate myself ugh. 

Then comes one of the best parts. Park makes the move of all moves. The mac daddy of all gestures. This boy goes on home and makes Eleanor a mix tape. So corny like gag, but literally this is what we want. If a boy makes you a mix you marry him. End of discussion. 

“Then he slid the silk and his fingers into her open palm. And Eleanor disintegrated.”

“Holding Eleanor’s hand was like holding a butterfly. Or a heartbeat. Like holding something complete, and completely alive.”

LIKE COME ON. I am such a dramatic baby but I promise you I cried at this. They are in LOVE. The way Rainbow Rowell writes this is just so good. I remember when the first real boy I had a crush on held my hand I talked about it for WEEKS. It is such a simple way to show affection but when you’re young it feels so special. Imagining this scene is so perfect and fills you with so much hope as to what is to come for the two little lovebirds. 

Now is when the story takes a bit of a turn for me. One night when talking on the phone, Park tells Eleanor that he loves her. The two begin to admit to each other that they need each other. As the relationship progresses it does kind of seem like they are a little too addicted to each other. Park is protecting Eleanor from the bullies at school and Eleanor starts to protect Park from his parents. They encourage one another in everything they want to do and help each other express themselves. I do wish this was something they were able to do on their own by each other’s side, but they seemed to really NEED each other which is a little problematic. Needing a significant other is definitely not something we should glorify to the young girl population this novel is geared towards. 

This qualm is not enough to ruin my love of the story though so we will move forward. 

As things at home get worse between Richie and Eleanor after she calls the cops on him one night, her relationship with Park is growing more and more. Eleanor is finally able to open up to Park about her family and it makes the two more comfortable with each other. 

On Christmas, Park’s mother breaks down about how she feels badly about the way she was treating Eleanor. She saw a lot of herself in Eleanor and almost resented her for it. After this, Park is more comfortable having Eleanor at the house and they spend the entire Christmas break there, 

At one point, towards the end of the break, we see Eleanor and Park both really tackle their gender expression. Park’s mom wants to give Eleanor a little makeover so she shows her how to apply eye liner using Park as a model. Both Eleanor and Park like the way it looks on him but his mother and father are not happy. Park is admitting he likes the way Eleanor dresses in boy clothes and she likes him in makeup. Neither of them care that this isn’t the norm, they know it makes themselves happy and now this is all they care about. The eye liner causes issues for Park with his dad but they are eventually able to resolve this.

This part of the book is SO important. Not only is it handled in a light way but it does leave an impression on the reader. When I read the novel the first time as a 16 year old, I remember loving how open they could be with each other. Now that I am older I am able to see the real gender expression that is there, but it still had the same effect. I think this is super important because it allows the reader to understand this situation in whatever way they can. While now, gender is much more widely talked about, in my high school this is something that never would’ve been talked about. When I read Eleanor and Park at that time I just thought they were super cool and I thought well that’s what love is about we have to support our significant other. Now I am able to see it for the much more serious thing that it is, but I still see the same message. 

Love people for their character and how they make you feel, not how they look or based off of what other people say. 

Shortly after this, Richie becomes even worse than we can imagine. Eleanor had been receiving really nasty notes in her textbooks and she finds out Richie had been leaving them. Now Eleanor knows how dangerous he is and she knows she has to run away. With the help of Park and surprisingly Tina and Steve the big bullies, Eleanor is able to escape to her uncle’s house.

Park drives her there and the two can’t let each other go when they arrive in Minnesota. They know they have to leave each other because it is what’s best for Eleanor but it is truly heartbreaking. 

Neither of them have ever felt so connected to anyone in their lives and now they have to say goodbye???? I cried for like four hours. It just felt all too real. Like not even kind of the same but I literally felt like I was leaving my high school boyfriend to go to college all over again. And like I thought that was the worst thing that could ever happen to me at 18. UGH I literally could cry again writing this. Ok lmao let’s not dwell on my lovely high school experience. 

Park goes back to Omaha and he starts to send Eleanor packages and letters. He constantly drives by her house just because he can’t stop thinking about her. And he never takes the bus again. 

Eleanor is literally me and cannot seem to find the will to confront her emotions and never opens anything Park sends her. She tells the girls at her new school she has never kissed a boy and she tries to leave the life with Park behind her. BUT do not get this twisted!!!!! This is because she loves him so much it hurts her. For girls like me and Eleanor with emotions too complex to even begin to understand sometimes it feels better to pretend they never existed. I know all too well though that this always makes it hurt more in the end. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IS YOUR FRIEND ELEANOR WE GOTTA USE IT!!!!!

I was then hit with an ending that ripped my heart out of my chest. Eleanor writes Park a letter finally. This letter has three words. Three words that could mean so much. One thing Eleanor was never able to do was tell Park she loved him. She was too afraid but she definitely felt it. And in that moment I know she was able to finally tell Park that. The two had the love story of a lifetime and I feel confident at the end of the book that they would end up together again.

SO YEA another book I LOVE. I find the emotions of high school just overly relatable, and maybe even a little refreshing? Eleanor and Park throws you back to a time in life with so much uncertainty. In high school we ask ourselves so many questions constantly and are faced with a lot of idk ~shit~. Both Eleanor and Park struggle with expressing their gender but together they grow to just be happy with who they are even if it doesn’t fit the mold. Rowell tackles domestic violence and abuse which is something very real that happens every day and we cannot hide that from young people. Eleanor and Park struggle with emoting as they both seem to have a lot of pent up emotions (therapy is your friend someone needed to tell them that). 

All in all GREAT. 

Maybe next week I will finally read a book that doesn't make me cry!

[daniel--berry]

Worst to Best Superhero Movies I’ve Seen

31) The Amazing Spider-Man

I hate this movie. I laughed throughout the entire film. “The lizard” could not have been a worse super-villain. I sort of liked the yellow Spidey-eyes, I guess. Emma Stone gave a nice performance. Can’t write anything else about it.

30) Doctor Strange

This is one of the only movies on the list I fell asleep during. Some of the visuals were pretty original, but the storyline was like a terrible version of Kung Fu Panda. Maybe if they casted Jack Black instead of super-boring Benedict Cumberbatch (I loved you in Sherlock baby, don’t be offended), Doctor Strange could have had a little charisma. I think this is the only movie on this list that made me upset after watching it.

29) Suicide Squad

What is this movie, some kind of Suicide Squad? Maaaan, what a great cast in such a forgettable movie. Here’s the thing though, I liked it more than most people did. I think whatever-her-name-is was a charismatic (though definitely not funny) Harley Quinn. Jared Leto wasn’t super offensive as the Joker, I looked forward to his scenes, but he looked like an idiot, like a twenty year old with temporary tattoos. What is this guy, some kind of Joker?

28) Thor

I can’t remember this movie. It was probably better than Suicide Squad though. Oh yeah, there’s that part where he throws his coffee on the ground and yells “Another!”. Haha, that was pretty funny.

27) Deadpool

Haha, he uses bad words! But it’s a superhero movie! This movie will serve best as the first R-rated movie a 12 year old sees behind his parent’s back. This is the other one I fell asleep during. 

26) Thor: The Dark World

This one’s interesting. I actually like this movie a lot, in theory. Visually, it’s one of my favorite Marvel movies. You could even say that if I made a MCU movie, it would look a lot like this one. Again, in theory, this is cool. It made Loki an anti-hero after the Avengers, which I think is a great choice. Unfortunately, this is a big piece of shit. And it will make you (unjustly) dislike Natalie Portman. 

25) Wonder Woman

Wow, I thought I’d love this movie. I’ve always thought Wonder Woman was a great character. Gal Gadot is almost perfect for the role. But man, what a boring story. Way too much time is spent on an ugly island, and the rest of the movie is a fish-out-of-water Crocodile Dundee rip-off, with Tumblr-friendly British humor. Haha, that English woman’s accent is sooo British! No thank you. A DAMN boring movie! 

24) The Amazing Spider-Man 2

We’re starting to get to superhero movies that I actually sort-of enjoy. This is my second favorite Spider-Man movie, but that’s out of the three ones on this list. I think this movie ruined Jamie Foxx’s career. Spider-Man has never looked better, though. Definitely the best Spidey-suit. I’m a sucker for those huge eyes. I walked out of the movie wanting to see a sequel, to be honest.

23) Ant-Man

I don’t remember this one, but I remember laughing a lot. Doesn’t Ant-Man work at Baskin Robbins or something in this? Oh yeah, and Michael Douglas is in this. I love that guy!

22) Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice

What a STUPID title for a movie. Nothing felt natural here. Did I mention that I hate the title? Here’s the thing, some of the elements of this movie work great. People made fun of the “Martha” twist, but I liked it, as well as Ben Affleck’s portrayal of Batman. But again, nothing was natural about this story. The tone shift is so dramatic from Man of Steel, and yet it’s supposed to be a direct sequel. Henry Cavill’s Superman isn’t memorable. Jesse Eisenberg’s lines were badly written and he never seemed like a real human being. Still, I didn’t hate it.

21) Thor: Ragnarok

Such great ideas here. Pairing Hulk and Thor for a comedy? Wonderful. Jeff Goldblum as a charismatic (gay) planet emperor is my favorite new MCU character. More of him, please! Why so low on this list? Hela sucked, as all Thor villains do. But man, she sucked the worst. The goddess of death? She just looks kind of goth, and never does anything too death-y. I like how the fire monster destroys the Thor world (what’s it called again?), and to the movie’s credit, it doesn’t treat this like an earth-shattering moment. Because let’s be honest, we never gave a fuck about that place.

20) Avengers: Age of Ultron

Ok, yes. This movie has aged pretty badly. But there’s a lot to like! Vision is a graceful, hot, AI legend right out of the gate. Lots of nice seeds are sown here, but it’s too bad that Ultron was a big dumbass who didn’t know how to execute any of his angsty plans. His “age” lasted about a day? Day of Ultron. Still, Tony Stark deserves to be put in prison by now.

19) Guardians of the Galaxy

As far as nailing a tone down, this movie did it best. You can call this movie airtight in its execution. The only negative is that every following Marvel movie felt like it had to be just as funny as this one.

18) Man of Steel

I love me a serious superhero film. I think this movie is best described in pros and cons. Pros: Henry Cavill is the best onscreen Superman yet, Michael Shannon made an otherwise goofy role kind of believable, the special effects are the best I’ve ever seen in a superhero film. Cons: None of this matters, because you’ve just never seen a more boring plot to a film in your life.

17) Batman

There will be no disrespect for the classics here. Every good superhero movie owes it all to Batman. This movie nailed it in every category. Jack Nicholson’s weirdo Joker was all-too-perfect, and the goth-horror scenery was inspired. Best of all, Michael Keaton made the idea of a gay orphan dressing up as a bat pretty relatable.

16) Superman

They haven’t quite gotten it right until 2006, but more on that up the list. This is the best Superman will ever be, because the character really just doesn’t work in the modern day. Christopher Reeve gives a romantic, gosh-golly version of the comic character, and it’s pretty damn good. Also, Marlon Brando’s Jor-El is haunting and gorgeous when he speaks. Another classic.

15) Batman Begins

Blah blah blah, gritty, dark, blah blah blah. Reinvented superhero movies, blah blah blah realistic.

14) Captain America: The First Avenger

This is the heart and soul of the MCU, and one of the most unique out of the series. Still feels important even in the third phase, and has a lot of great messages that I am too lazy to write. Great movie, and Chris Evans as Captain America was the best casting choice since Robert Downey Jr. Nothing but greatness here.

13) Iron Man 2

Do people really think this is the worst of the MCU? Not by a long-shot. But oh my god, Tony Stark is just such a war criminal. And Mickey Rourke is delightful! I love that part where Iron Man empties his bladder into his own Iron Man suit. Did Superman ever do that shit? Fuck Superman!

12) Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

My ass has seen a lot of superhero movies, but I don’t think my ass has smiled more watching one of them. Ummmm, what a fucking great movie? With a fucking great plot? And, like, a great villain for fucking once? A truly lovely film.

11) The Dark Knight Rises

A marxist superhero film? No wonder it’s not the fan favorite. But I love it just the same. The funeral scene at the end is beautifully acted by all involved. Yes, Bruce Wayne died, but it didn’t feel cheap. Catwoman driving the batpod? An icon of cinema. A great ending to a great blah blah blah, not as good as The Dark Blah blah blah.

10) Marvel’s The Avengers

What a moment for a little thirteen year old nerdfuck like me. It leans on the immature side of the MCU, yes. But it’s damn near perfect filmmaking, and by far the most accessible superhero movie to date. Hulk Smash!

9) Iron Man 3

We’re getting into real personal-favorite territory here. Shane Black’s Christmas superhero film is hated by a lot of people, but don’t worry, they’re all just sweaty ugly nerds with untouched genitals who don’t realize that Fu-Manchu proto-Asian wizard stereotypes aren’t exactly the best material for a 2013 film. Man, I adore this movie. It’s a perfect blend of comedy (not too much) and drama (not too much), with an infusion of self awareness that appeals to a cynical guy like me.

8) Superman Returns

This movie really understands Superman. It’s too bad it was overshadowed by Batman Begins, because this movie has a lot to offer. No, it isn’t action-packed, and yes it does star Kevin Spacey (gross) as Lex Luther, but the romanticism and themes of a post-superhero world are rich with wonderful dialogue and the best onscreen Lois Lane yet. Forget the Kryptonite iceberg at the end, Superman’s journey of finding himself is surprisingly great material for a film, delicately directed by Bryan Singer. Wait, is that TWO pedophile boy rapists in one film? Yikes, you know what.......never mind. 

7) Captain America: Civil War

The re-watchability here is astonishing. It’s not even an Avengers film, and it’s still easily the best Avengers film. And yet, it stays its course as a personal story of loyalty and sacrifice for the titular character. It’s totally a Captain America movie. Also, can Tony Stark just get fucking imprisoned already?

6) Iron Man

Easily the “coolest” superhero movie ever made. I can watch terrorists get blown up by lasers all day! A true classic, and still feels just a little more legitimate than all the other MCU films.

5) Spider-Man: Homecoming

A relatable protagonist? A relatable villain? An evil psycopath? (Tony Stark). What’s not to love? It might not have “amazing” in the title like those other fuck-your-mom Spidey movies, but it most certainly is. (Amazing, I mean).

4) The Dark Knight

Blah blah blah joker, blah blah blah Heath Ledger, Christopher Nolan. Blahblahblahblah dark, reinvented the genre, blah blah blah.

3) Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Yes I’ll say it. Here we have the best story in a superhero film to date. And to disguise all the intellectual themes of post-terrorist society, individuality, corruption, the pointlessness of patriotism, and homoeroticism, we have just enough kick-ass action scenes for your average brain-dead male to get a kick out of it too.

2) X-Men: Days of Future Past

I’m a sucker for time travel, and fuck me if this didn’t deliver 100%. This was my first X-Men movie experience, and I still think about it about once every couple of weeks. I don’t even want to write about it because I get embarrassed by my love for this movie.

1) Logan

The world’s changed. All the mutants are dead. Patrick Stewart is a senile fuck. Wolverine’s claws hurt when he tries to bring them out. Jesus Christ, there’s so much here that I can’t believe it’s a real movie. There’s just something about seeing a grizzly Hugh Jackman in a bloody t-shirt that really grinds my gears. It’s tragic, it’s beautiful, it’s expansive, and it feels like the last superhero movie that ever needs to be made.

[contranymss]

RP: Dean, Tracy, Ryan, Fabien, Tom, Chet, Charlie, Tony

dean;;

sexuality headcanon: gavinsexual bi as heck

otp: gavin 5ever (also anna)

brotp: gavin. (and tracy. and anna.)

notp: Ty. People that aren’t Gavin or Anna.

first headcanon that pops into my head: He and Gavin went to Prom, and elected to go without dates and just be cool good lookin’ bros together. Dean lowkey pretended it was a date in his head the whole time.

one way in which I relate to this character: i love being in denial

thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: so many things. he’s an awkward bean sometimes.

tracy;;

sexuality headcanon: yes

otp: I don’t really.....ship her.....romantically......with people........no romo. (though for .5 seconds i was super into the idea of tracy/amy and both of them leaving their respective menfolk, and maybe amy sort of......growing up because of tracy’s influence. and maybe both of them still goin’ out bangin’ dudes because they both really love dick.......idk.)

brotp: gavin, dean, chuck

notp: tommy. also war. also monogamy in general.

first headcanon that pops into my head: She acted out when she was young - hanging out with a MacLeod, sleeping around, throwing lavish over the top parties, drinking, etc. - to set herself apart. She didn’t want to be the girl with the dead older brother, or or just one of a set of twins.

one way in which I relate to this character: occasional crippling self doubt, don’t always have the best taste in people

thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: she....married...........tommy...........and dated...........war.............

ryan;;

sexuality headcanon: gay. v gay.

otp: i almost want to say bradley.......because there’s a history there and, in their own way, love. also lowkey fabien but who knows if that’ll ever happen bc now i need to talk to erin about it.

brotp: sage, chuck, lowkey potentially fabien (also there’s a part of me that’s really attached to gavin and ryan’s relationship even though we have done nothing with them since tracy found out that ryan isn’t dead)

notp: also bradley. and balthazar but he’s dead now. so.

first headcanon that pops into my head: he never expected to.......make........friends..........when he came back, so the fact that he’s become so close with sage really surprises him, but he wouldn’t trade that friendship for anything.

one way in which I relate to this character: anxiety and problems with....being........social..........

thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: he’s just generally awkward

fabien;;

sexuality headcanon: tbh he doesn’t even know. brainwashed fabien is straight as heck, but the actual fabien? he’s actually not all that interested in women. also not totally interested in sex in general. he doesn’t dislike it or anything, and it definitely feels nice, but in the beginning, he was, in large part, doing it because that’s what everyone else was doing it. i mean, his first several times having sex, he wasn’t anywhere near sober either. he was drunk or high or both, and people suggested things and he just.........did them. for some of them, he was closer to sober than with others, but like........his sex life was mainly due to social obligation (maybe obligation is the wrong word idk) and anyone who looked at a list of all the people he’d had sex with, it would come off like he was bi or pan. and also part of him sleeping with women when he was younger was because of it being ingrained in his mind that he was supposed to be interested in women. that it was normal and healthy and what he was supposed to do. (this is all so jumbled and rambly wowzers.)

otp: honestly........bradley..........even if it’s not entirely healthy, and, well, they’re bros. but like. it’s the most intense interpersonal relationship he has, and bradley knows him better than anyone, and bradley is the only person he has ever broken down in front of. he trusts bradley in a way he doesn’t trust anyone else. as much as he tries to hide a lot of the bad stuff from bradley, because he wants to protect him - and all of his brothers - bradley still knows more about him than most. he knows about thierry’s abuse, he knows about his abusive ex, and after the whole situation with Balthazar, he probably would have been able to, eventually open up to bradley about what happened when he got kidnapped (because right now war is the only one that knows even part of that) had the whole rehab thing not happened.but david is a close second. and probably would have less of a fucked up relationship with him. they can relate on a lot of fronts, and sure, they’re both fucked up individuals who do a lot of drugs and drink a lot. but like....the thing they have is new for both of them, and it’s so important that they both have someone like that, even if it’s been put on hold because fabien’s all brainwashed.

brotp: david because tbh david is kind of his first actual friend? also bradley. also kind of war??? maybe not lately but like...war is the brother that he doesn’t always feel like he needs to protect. and yeah, he hates that he’s the kind of person that’s always like rawr, protect bros at all costs but it’s not like he’s doing it on purpose, and the universe kind of just......keeps giving him more reasons to feel like he should be protecting bradley. and.........idk. i had more thoughts but words are hard.

notp: part of me wants to say ariane, because had he not been brainwashed, he wouldn’t really have any interest in her. but the way he makes her feel right now, outside of the huge gross awfullness of the whole situation......like........With her, he feels loved. Feels like he deserves to be loved. Like he’s a good person, or has the potential to be a good person. He genuinely does feel happy right now, with her. Feels like he has a future that’s actually worth something. But like......it’s all a lie. It’s all fake. She doesn’t necessarily like him. She likes this version of him, the one that’s been molded to be what Josiah wants. What his father wants. And the whole situation is just so fucked up, and it’s doubtful he would come out of this and still feel the same way about her.

first headcanon that pops into my head: he still has the tiniest crush on Gavin. Like, it’s not really romantic, or sexual even. It’s just....Gavin was the first guy he was with, and sure, he wasn’t sweet and loving or anything, but he was respectful and attentive. And, sure, he fits his public persona in certain ways, and can be a bit of a stereotype, but he’s not totally awful. He’s a much better person than he ever would have expected, and Fabien is glad that Gavin was his first experience with a man. He wishes more of his experiences would have been like that.

one way in which i relate to this character: self loathing and dislike of people in general?

thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: brainwashed famine is just...........yep.

tom;;

sexuality headcanon: i don’t know which term he prefers (i think it’s been stated as polysexual in headcanons in the past) but he’s def into multiple genders

otp: obvs gavin. also charlie, which makes me sad because they haven’t........been talking much.........lately.........also chuck >.>

brotp: chuck, charlie, can i say willa? i’m gonna say willa. also lissy.

notp: sarah.............

first headcanon that pops into my head: he feels a lot of guilt over the fact that he waited so long to get chuck out of washington. but even then.....sometimes he wonders if he did the right thing by taking him and bringing him across the country. he doesn’t think he should have left him, but he wonders if he should have done things differently. or if chuck staying with tom, and growing up in fort macleod was really a good thing.

one way in which i relate to this character: i hate all of the people

thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: tbh he’s such an awkward bean sometimes. like.....sure, he’s this surly badass cop guy, but like.......he’s the awkwardest bean.

chet;;

sexuality headcanon: it’s chet!!! who the heck knows!!! does he even know??? we don’t know!!! (but def aro spec)

otp: okay...........so..........i lowkey really ship him with charlie.........also would really............be into...........him and fabien............also anna

brotp: mark, even though we haven’t done anything there yet. you know why. siobahn. lilith. charlie again. also anna. fight me.

notp: lowkey amy. and in most cases just anything actually romantic? idk.

first headcanon that pops into my head: clearly he did tap when he was a youngster. don’t take this away from me.

one way in which i relate to this character: honestly, we all have a little chet inside us, don’t we?

thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: he thought chuck was a sex worker and didn’t mention this until after he fucked him

charlie;;

sexuality heacanon: she’s pretty much straight. it’s unfortunate, because men are unfortunate, but she’s not really interested in ladies.

otp: tom. lowkey ed.

brotp: tom, eph, chet, tony, ed and harry.

notp: ansen. but. well. we haven’t gotten to that yet.

first headcanon that pops into my head: she’s always wanted children and she would make a fantastic mother. but she found out when she was a teenager that it’s highly unlikely she’ll ever be able to have children of her own. tbh it’s part of why she’s so bitter towards amy, because that bitch is fertile as hell

one way in which i relate to this character: people are just......nah.

thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: i’m not sure there actually is anything????

tony;;

sexuality headcanon: he........huh. def not straight. but like.....i’m not sure he’s really labelled himself? he hasn’t exactly had much of an opportunity to explore what his sexuality means to him as a person. i personally see him as bi, but //shrug.

otp: i mean...........charlie tbh........not even sexually or romantically but like.......that is the one true tony pairing, my brethren.

brotp: also charlie. and eph. and potentially mark in the future.

notp: neil. fucking gretchen.

first headcanon that pops into my head: he has totally thought about neil while having sex with amy, oops. and he totally bought a bottle of the cologne that neil used to wear. god, he misses him so much.

oen way in which i relate to this character: i too think that charlie is rad and that her mother and their other brothers should have let her be herself more when she was younger.

thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: he thought it was a good idea to be friends with neil?????

#queries #ohtveit #ask games for ts

[thisiswhatwereupagainst]

What would the blob look for in a potential significant other?

That’s a difficult question for me. I don’t feel I know enough about Blob to make the best guess possible. So if you disagree with my answer or feel I’m missing something important, keep in mind that’s probably why. The Blobs that I am most familiar with are Evo and 616, so they’re who I’ll be answering for. I think both of them go for looks first and probably haven’t thought through anything beyond that. I realize how that sounds shallow and terrible, and while I do think it is a little typical dudebro to a degree (especially with 616 Blob, who is more of an asshole than Evo Blob usually is) I think it’s also because…well, they’ve neither of them probably ever gotten much past simply looking at a woman. Evo Blob has clearly never interacted with peers in any kind of normal way. Look at him when he starts high school. Jean was NOT the only one he was weird around. When he was lost and wanted directions, he bodily GRABBED a guy and very gruffly demanded help. Even grade-schoolers don’t do that! He had no idea how to interact in anything approaching a normal or appropriate way! Given that when Mystique found him, he wasn’t in school and there was apparently no adult to go “hey who the hell is this Darkholme woman and where is she taking Fred” combined with his childlike behavior (tantrums, etc.) I think it’s fair to say he’s not coming out of a healthy situation and hasn’t had healthy socialization. This is not someone who has probably ever talked to a girl he liked or had one be nice to him, whose exposure to romance has probably been solely from television and movies (which are NOT healthy sources for real life!) and who is used to his physical strength being his only asset in the world, the only way he can get his way. It’s a scary combination, and we see what resulted, but I don’t think it was “typical entitled fuckboy” so much as “this kid needs help NOW or he will hurt someone and get in trouble himself/never have a normal relationship or ability to connect appropriately with others”So going back to the “looks” thing—yeah, I think Evo Blob doesn’t look for anything beyond “I think she’s pretty and she was nice to me” because that’s the MOST he’s ever gotten from anyone. His EXTREME over the top inappropriate way of managing his feelings, his apparent belief that Jean reciprocated, his surprise and then anger when she didn’t, all this shows to me this was the first time this happened, the first time a pretty girl (or probably a girl at all) was kind to him and he had no idea how to handle it beyond going full throttle crazy. That’s clearly all it takes for him to get head over heels in love, because he’s been so deprived of normal human interaction. I think he’s probably gotten a bit better about it since, because he didn’t get obsessed with Tabby just because she asked him to Prom (I think it helps he got to know Tabby as a real, flawed person first, whereas he definitely idealized Jean) but I think that’s still more or less it. They’re very simple standards, shallow even, but not for shallow reasons. (Also, he’s a teenage boy. I don’t think MOST teenagers are really looking for anything deeper than “someone I think is cute and who likes me”)616 Blob is a grown man and also more of an asshole from what I’ve seen. He’s still sympathetic to me, but not AS much as Evo Blob by a longshot. I think he’s someone who started where Evo Blob is, and just became a bitter, maladjusted jerk instead of getting better. It’s not to say he’s heartless, he obviously cares about some people, such as his pal Unus, but he’s not some misunderstood sweetheart. He seems to enjoy being a big bully and a jerk in general. Is that entirely his fault? Maybe not entirely, but I think he still has a choice, and he chooses to be a jerk even to his own teammates a lot of the time. So I don’t think that bodes well in terms of what he’d seek in a relationship. I can really only remember a couple reactions with women—there’s one issue where he’s really exceptionally gross but also I don’t feel like that one was like, a fair reflection to judge him by? I know I just got done say what a jerk he is, but I don’t know, that one felt like it just went too far. I just got the vibe it was one of those issues that makes a character look worse than they normally are. The other is when the X-Men first meet him, I recall he was instantly attracted to Jean and I think he was kinda rude/handsy, and like…it wasn’t cool but also that’s literally how all the X-Men acted to her when she first arrived at the mansion too? Hank literally KISSES her hello. Because it’s the fuckin 60s and sexual harassment is like…not ok per se (Jean’s shown as being in the right for levitating him away as a result) but also sufficiently Not A Big Deal enough that heroes can do it and still be heroes. So idk how I’d feel about judging him based on that now. There’s also a panel I’ve seen where he says “Chicks, man” but I don’t know the context.So basically I have no good sources to go off of in terms of 616 Fred and the ladies, but if I were to make a headcanon, I think that he probably hasn’t had many relationships at all, and he’s very bitter about that. I don’t think he’s an incel or something, but I do think he’s probably pretty shallow about women and feels that’s just fine since obviously they’re shallow about him right back. He’s probably used to rejection, and always assumes it’s his appearance, and he’s probably often right—but feels that since he’s always gonna be judged by how he looks, he might as well not even TRY to have a decent personality, be it with women or in general. I think that’s why he’s embraced being a jerk, I think he just gave up and gave in to his bad traits because why bother improving if no one will give him a chance anyway? And then because he’s a jerk now, the people who might have given him a chance based on a good personality…don’t. So it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, a vicious shitty cycle. Thus I can’t really have any kind of optimistic sweet headcanons about what he’d seek in a partner. Sorry, I can tell you like Blob, and I think he’s a sympathetic character, but that is my opinion. I would like to see him develop better, though! I think Marvel has always really skimped on giving him any kind of personality beyond the “fat bully” stereotype, despite the series having such a large theme about fighting prejudices and not judging by appearances, and I think that him being such a 2D asshole most of the time is really just down to that kind of lazy writing. I’m sure he could be developed far beyond that! He just…hasn’t been yet :C

#fred dukes #blob headcanons #blob meta #Anonymous #The Blob

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #221

“god is making fun of me; he’s up there laughing, i can see.”

What type of toothpaste do you use? Crest. What is your favorite color(s) of eye-makeup? b l a c k Are you sexually active? No. Do you have sensitive skin? I guess? Are you egotistical? I have the self-esteem of like... a blobfish. Do you have an older sister? Multiple. Favorite song by Owl City? I like "Fireflies" and "Hot Air Balloon." What color is your mum’s car? White. Where do you keep your kitty litter box? In the hallway that connects the bathroom and kitchen. Are you a lighter complexion than your father? I AM MUCH MUCH LIGHTER. My dad is really dark-skinned from being a mailman for all my life. Always being outside does it. His arms especially are really really tan from sticking them out the window. Do you like apricots? Noooo. Do you like kinky sex? Never tried anything kinky before, so wouldn't know. What country were you born in? The U.S.A. Solid soap bar or liquid body wash? LIQUID. Bar soap grosses me out, even though it's... yeah, soap. Like multiple people (if you live with others, anyway) are rubbing that on their body, no thanks. Do you believe being gay is a choice or a “disorder”? Neither; I believe it's a mutation. How many birds can you name just by looking at them? Uhhh jaybirds... cardinals... bald eagles... crows, ravens... vultures... peacocks... Victoria crowned pigeons... barn owls, horned owls, snowy owls... probably others. There's so many, I'm not musing over it forever. Which birds are most common around your neighborhood? I don't live in a "neighborhood." But you see lots of crows in this area. If you don’t understand a reference in something, do you look it up? Sometimes. Depends on what it is, how interesting it is. Are you the kind of person to look at accident sites, when passing them by? Morbid curiosity gets the better of me here. Did you ever make dolls or hand puppets in primary/elementary school? Yeah. When you were little, what sorts of make belief did you play? Y'ALL I did the weirdest shit. I remember I loved mimicking A Bug's Life by taking a leaf and placing things like seeds and stuff on it, my little sister and I enjoyed "cooking" with plastic food and our oven set, we liked playing house with friends, OMG I FORGOT ABOUT HOW WE USED TO LOVE BEING MERMAIDS IN THE POOL, uhhh. Idr, there's other stuff for sure. I was really creative as a kid and loved playing make believe. Has a friend’s parent ever given you a present just because? I don't think "just because." What do you do with clothes you can’t wear anymore? We donate them, give them away to friends if they like something, or, when it comes to our favorite shirts, my mom has actually been working on creating a big blanket out of them since we were kids. I hope she finishes before her time's up. What is something you’re very particular about? How my food is prepared. What is your dearest stuffed animal that you own? Why is that? My moose Brownie from Cabela's in Ohio. I ALWAYS slept hugging him as a little kid and even teenager until Jason got me Rebel the meerkat. He's still on my dresser. Name something awesome from another culture that is not part of yours: Oh man, idk. When at a Chinese or Japanese restaurant, do you use chopsticks? I have pretty intense tremors. I could NEVER use chopsticks. What’s something you can’t wait for about growing old? Um, nothing? Nothing about being elderly seems fun. How do you expect your life to go like? How are you ensuring that? Ideally, it would be defined by contentment and success. I want to know financial peace, stability, and pride in what I've accomplished. I'm trying my damnedest to ensure this by going back to school, trying as hard as I can to push my photography, and work on my mental health. Or do you just wing it as you go? NO. I've always had plans and goals, and I act on the desire to achieve them. The only time I was truly "winging it" was during my suicidal depression phase after the breakup. I was literally too busy wanting to die but being too afraid to and so lost and hopeless that I didn't know what to do. What’s a yard game that you still enjoy playing as an adult? Hunny I don't go outside rip. What do you think is the most interesting sea creature? Portuguese man-o-war, probably. They don't have a fucking brain yet are alive????? And deadly as a mfer????? How do you reset your head to zero, so to speak? Sleep. Have you ever gone exploring an abandoned building? Well, shacks. Are there any foreign television shows you enjoy watching? Some anime. What’s your favorite way to spend a weekend? I don't think I have a set "favorite" way. What’s your “Death Row Meal”? I mean, it'd depend on what I wanted at the time? Do you like going to the movies or prefer watching at home? I strongly prefer going to the theater. Don't really know why, though... I guess the setting, being in the dark and watching on a huge screen? When you were a kid, did you eat the crusts on your sandwich or not? Yeah. I've never minded crust. What activity instantly calms you? Car rides where I can blare my music. Ideally, how would you spend your birthday? It'd depend on what I was up for that day. But definitely doing things with friends and family. What’s the best joke you’ve ever heard? Idk. I don't really like traditional jokes. Be witty. What’s the career highlight you’re most proud of? Ha. Do you think you’ll stay at your current company awhile? Why or why not? N/A How would your 10-year-old self react to what you do? That's like the most depressing thought possible lmao. What do you remember most about your first job? The fact I can't do customer service. All I remember is the anxiety. Did you start working immediately after finishing school? Why or why not? No. I just wasn't ready. What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? I lasted two hours in a deli in a constant state of panic. Guess. What’s the best career decision you’ve ever made? Going back to school for a degree. What’s the worst career decision you’ve ever made? Trying the deli. How much time do you spend with your family? Like... none, almost ever. We all live in different places. Who do you most like spending time with and why? In my family? My mom, because we relate on a lot and just generally get along. Were you close with your family growing up? My immediate family, yes. How do you define your family now? Distant. What traits are most important to you in your family members? Being accepting and open-minded. And supportive. Who are you the closest to and why? My mom. I live with her and she's supported and loved me through everything. Do you want a family of your own? Why does "family" always have to mean including kids? I don't want any. I just want my s/o and pets. What’s your favorite family tradition? We don't really have any anymore. If you could change your relationship with a family member, would you? If so, with whom? Yes, with my oldest sister. She pretty much disowned me at one point, we reconnected, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me again. We are VERY similar according to Mom, so it'd be nice to be close with her, but. What’s your favorite family memory? As a family... uh. Idk. Probably some times we were all in the pool together when my parents were still together, having fun. What TV family most reminds you of your own? *shrugs* Do you ever wish you were raised differently? In some ways, yes. Chores absolutely needed to be more enforced. What’s the best piece of advice a family member has given you? Idk, I'm sure something my mom said about moving on from things. Do you wish you had more siblings? If so, why? I wish I had a little brother, but one I was still relatively close in age with. I would've rocked that protective big sister over slightly-younger bro jazz. It would've been cool to have another kid to play with, especially a guy instead of a relatively girly-girl; not trying to make any pre-judgments about an imaginary kid, but you get it. Stereotypes and all. It would've been nice to have a more boyish sibling. Did you ever hide anything from or lie to your parents? Yeah. If you had a family business, what would it be? That would never happen in my family. Do you and your family have any nicknames for each other? Nothing out of the ordinary; ex. they usually just call me "Britt," but it's clear and reasonable why. What’s your favorite way to spend time with your family? I mean it varies. My parents are divorced and best apart so we're never really "together" unless we're at my older sister's house for birthday parties or holidays. That's the only time we're really *all* together. How do you show your family you love them? Always being there to listen or offer a signature bearhug. Have you ever been to a family reunion? Noooo, our extended family is littered all throughout the country. What’s the most important holiday you spend with your family and why? Christmas. It just reminds me of being a kid again. Who in your family would you describe as a “character”? Ho boy, my grandma. It's hurting lately to think of her as a "character" now though, seeing as she's dying of cancer now. She starts chemo soon, but this one's a death sentence regardless. It's spread too much. My relationship with her is strained and difficult, but I care for her nonetheless, and I worry that I'm really going to feel it all crash when she dies and I probably won't be there due to distance and school. What’s something your family would be surprised to learn about you? Shit, my family doesn't know most big things about me, I think; not because they don't care, but because I'm embarrassed of hobbies and interests and thus secretive. Only my mom knows mostly everything. I guess more than anything, uhhh... I'm no longer a Christian? I was raised religious, so most probably just assume I still am, and I don't just go around talking about how I dropped my faith. Which family member do you confide in most? Mom. If you had only one sense (hearing, touch, sight, etc.), which would you want? Sight, I think. What’s the first thing you look for in a partner and/or friend? A friendly, likable personality. When was the last time you shaved your legs? Oh wow, not since... around my birthday in February. The last person to say they loved you? Mom. Last thing received in the mail? For me, school textbooks. Do you have any famous relatives? Only ancestors. I consider "relatives" different/closer. Have you ever had sex in a public place? No. Have you ever been searched by the cops? It was either staff or police who did so the numerous times I went into the hospital and ER for my mental state. Are you any good at math? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? No. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? No. Well, I think. Do you remember the most naughty night of your life? Yes. Have you gone to college/uni? What is/was your major? I'm in college now! My major in this school is organismal biology because they don't have zoology. I'm getting what I need here and then going to a university for zoology. What color is your best friend’s hair? Brown. Where were you going the last time you were a passenger in a car? Yesterday otw home from school. Have you ever dated someone who had a kid from a previous relationship? No, and I wouldn't. What was the last event that was a turning point in your life? Going back to school! :') What’s your favorite setting in nature? (mountains, beach, desert, etc…) M O U N T A I N S  M O T H E R F U C K E R What hair color is most common in your family? BROWN. Almost everyone is brown-haired. For how long has your favorite band been your favorite? Damn, it's been Ozzy Osbourne since 6th or 7th grade, and I'm 23 now. He probably always will be. I'm hopefully seeing him next year and I'm!!!!!!!! not!!!!!!!!!! prepared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you have any photos on your refrigerator? What are they of? Yeah. There's numerous of my older sister and her fam, plus my grandmother and her husband. Maybe others, idr. What color are the pillows on your couch? We don't have pillows on there. Have you ever gone more than 5 years without going to the dentist? No. My mom always makes sure her kids keep up with health check-ups. Do you have a hard time sleeping when you’re away from home? It depends on the emotional and physical comfort of where I am, really. Do you know anyone who got engaged while still in high school? I believe so. Are you friendly to retail employees? Honestly, fuck you if you're not for no good reason. Half the shit you complain about isn't their goddamn fault. Do you know anyone who litters? Not regularly, no. I wouldn't associate with them, I don't care how simple that sounds. However, I kept my mouth shut at my nephew's last b-day party because the kids let balloons up into the air; they tend to end up on beaches or in the ocean, so technically, it's littering, but I didn't want to seem like an asshole. I'm certain my sister didn't really think about that though, or else she wouldn't have allowed it. Do you think your neighbors have any complaints about living near you? No. We don't do any harm. The dogs bark sometimes, but not obnoxiously loud to where you can hear it if you're in your house. What was the last kind of soup you ate? I tried canned vegetable soup when my tongue piercing was healing, but I didn't like it. Where do you usually buy groceries from? Wal-Mart or Harris Teeter, depending on a few circumstances. What’s your favorite candy? Reese's if you include chocolate, strawberry Sour Punch Straws if not. Have you ever gone to a strip club? No, not my kinda scene. Are you jealous of anyone? *Envious, yes. Last song listened to? why????? do i like????????? "love rhymes with fuck you" by j star??????????? Do you take vitamins daily? No; only on Sunday I take a vit. d pill because otherwise I'm severely deprived. Is anyone jealous of you? I HIGHLY doubt that, homie. Last CD you listened to? Metallica's "Ride The Lightning" album when Mom and I were otw to my therapist once and my iPod wasn't working. This was FOREVER ago and I'm pretty sure it's still in there, lmao. Is there something you want to tell someone? I'm going to die wanting to see Jason one final time and apologize to him for how I treated him after the break-up. When you eat Frosted Flakes, do you add sugar in it? NOOOOOOO not a fan of Frosted Flakes. How many kids do you want to have? Zero. Have you ever gone behind your parents' backs? I actually don't think so... Who’s the biggest hugger you know? Ashley's huband's grandma will give you a hug even if she met you for only five seconds. Not a bad thing, it's just kinda uncomfortable. Where did you get your worst scar from? Surgery. Do you name your stuffed animals? Some. Have you ever been to Disney World? Yes. What is your favorite roller coaster, and where is it? My ass will not sit in a roller coaster, probably ever. What is your favorite state? From what I've seen, I find Utah the prettiest. Do you own any form of a Gameboy? I have a red Gameboy Advance that somehow still works. How is the world going to end? I find a meteor striking to be most likely, or we're swallowed by a black hole. Do you have any pets? Do you want any/more? Yes, and I do want another ball python morph, as well as a bearded dragon. Though if/when Sara and I move in together, Doris will be enough for a beardie, oml I love that sassy baby. :') <3 How did you find out about Myspace? Probably my older sister, or classmates. Are you careless with your information on the internet? "Maybe by some people’s standards." <<< Change "maybe" to "probably" for me, lol. I'm trying to improve, though. Have you ever owned a lava lamp? No, but my older sis had one as a teen. I want one SO BADLY. Is it better to color with markers, crayons, or colored pencils? Colored pencils, by far. Do you like to draw or write better? Write. I get more satisfaction out of drawing something I like, but I draw so rarely because I'm painfully critical over what I make. Do you have a favorite cousin? No. Can you knit? No. Are you interested in more than one person at the moment? Nope. Who are your last three missed calls from? Mom, Mom, and a number I didn't recognize. What’s the biggest upcoming event for you? I dunno. Have you hung out with any guys recently? No, but I miss Girt, so I should invite him over some time soon. Do you like your school? I love my school. They are very invested into their students' success, as well as being a community. Who’s the weirdest teacher at your school? I wouldn't know, I've only been here a month. Do you have nightmares often? Apparently. Mom sleeps on the couch right outside my door, and I spook her quite a lot by waking up screaming or attacking my bed, she says. Thank God I don't tend to remember them. Clarification, they're not night terrors or anything like that. I'm just pretty active in my sleep, such as talking and such. Can you remember how old you were when your appearance started to matter? I was kinda self-conscious in middle school 'cuz BOY was I an ugly duckling. How frequently do you pee at night? I almost without fail get up once a night to go. Do you name your pet fish, if you have any? N/A Do your parents care about you cussing? Dad doesn't, but Mom does about "severe" words, so I try to censor myself around her. Who is your favorite person in the world? Sara. Who do you spend most of your time with? I live only with my mother, so. Is there a stuffed animal you still take places with you? No. Last insult you received? Idk. Have you ever eaten Pop Rocks and drank Coca-Cola at the same time? Yoooo I think I did once at a b-day party, but not a lot bc I was scared lmao. At concerts, do you buy merch? I've only been to one, but I did. I would if I went to more. I've missed some fucking amazing bands' concerts this past year, and it's really annoying me now. Are you gullible? Not really. Do you get excited easily? No. Are you a headbanger? No, I'd get dizzy with a headache on board. First concert you went to? Alice Cooper. What venue was that at? Somewhere in Raleigh, idr. Have you ever been out of state for a concert? No. Are you fascinated by outer space? I don't know a person who isn't. It's very intriguing. Do you shop for new clothes each season? No. Is your hair dyed right now? If so, what color is it? No, but damn I want to. I wanna dye it lilac. I just need a professional to do it. Do you look up your symptoms online whenever you have a problem? Not "whenever," no. I typically just ask Mom. Do you eat enough fruits and vegetables? No. Definitely not vegetables. Do you have dreams that you’re not giving up on? Being truly content with my life one day. Do you think your hair looks better up or down? It's too short to go up. Do you like bare trees or green-leaved trees better? I prefer autumn trees. What season would you want to get married in? October/November, preferably, when the trees are all pretty. <3 What does your favorite stuffed animal look like? I have three "favorites," those being Brownie, Plum, and Rebel. I've already talked about Brownie the moose, then Plum is a stuffed snake from Sara that she'd had growing up, and Rebel is my stuffed meerkat from Jason that I always slept with while we were together and for a very long time after the break-up. He was a big comfort to me, and though he's a bittersweet stuffed animal now, idk. A lot of memories. His fur is all matted and you can just tell that fella has seen some love. Do you collect anything? Meerkat & Silent Hill stuff. What was the last book you read? I'm almost done with The Handmaid's Tale for school, and it is fucking phenomenal, coming from someone whose love for reading slipped away long ago. I have never in my life read a book with such vivid imagery and description. When was the last time you moved to a new house? The beginning of 2017. How long was your longest relationship? 3 1/2 years. Tell me about how your parents met. How old were they? They met through work. Idk how old they were, somewhere in their 30s, probably. What makes your bedroom special to you/what is your favorite part about it? It is VERY personalized; my room is looooaaaaded with shit relating to me and my interests, and that's what I love about it. It's very homey to me, surrounded by my passions. When washing your hands, do you wet your hands or put soap on first? I put soap on first. When was the hardest you ever cried? What was the circumstance? I think the night of the breakup, when Mom essentially dragged me home from trying to walk to his house to talk. I entirely fell apart. When it comes to school, how motivated are you to work? It depends on where I am, actually. I'm at school for hours most days because my schedule fits into Mom's to avoid driving back and forth, and while I'm waiting in the library, I'm very motivated, even a bit obsessive. Meanwhile, at home, I don't want to work like... at all. I'm so used to this being my chill place. Do you know any high school sweethearts? How’s life treating them? My sister and her husband dated for a while in HS, actually, and they seem just fine. I'm sure my former friend and her husband are still together, and they've dated since middle school. I haven't had contact with her for like a year or so now though so idk how they are. Where do you usually buy your clothes? HotTopic or Wal-Mart. If you had to be a school teacher, which subject would you teach? Science, probably. But God FORBID I ever be a teacher; I wouldn't last. Which is the scariest ride you have ever been on in a theme park? Whatever that ride is where you sit in a bunch of chairs in a circle, go up way too damn high, and drop. I did it as a yolo even though I was terrified, and yeah, I screamed way too fucking loud. Never again.

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