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aenramsden · 1 month

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The following is not my idea; it was the original brainchild of a friend of mine named Omicron, with help from various others including EarthScorpion, TenfoldShields, @havocfett and ShintheNinja:

So, you know what I want to do one day? Run (or play in) a D&D campaign in which the Big Bad Super Dragon that is fuckoff ancient and unfathomably powerful and whose actions have shaped history and bent the course of nations and had repercussions on the whole culture and society in the region where it's set; the Bonus Special Boss for some endgame optional quest after you defeat the direct BBEG and win the campaign...

... is a white dragon.

To explain this for people not deep into 5e monster lore; D&D dragons are sapient beings, and known for their instincts and tendencies, and whenever you meet an big evil dragon that's really old it's usually this ancient creature of terrible intellect Smaug-ing it up all over the place.

Except white dragons are fucking stupid. Like, they're still capable of speech and thought! They're just… feral, hungry morons. And you almost never see them portrayed as ancient wyrms for that reason; they lack majesty. Critical Role did it, yes, but even then, Vorugal is explicitly the most bestial member of the Chroma Conclave, and the others are the more intelligent planners and long-term threats. An ancient white as a nation-defining endboss, though; not a thug for a smarter master but as the strongest and biggest threat around is just not the sort of thing you tend to see.

Adventurers: "Oh wise Therunax the Munificent, gold dragon of Law and Good, what can you tell us adventurers of the evil dragons which rule this land?" Therunax the Munificent, 500-year old Gold Dragon: "Good adventurers, know this: this land is torn apart by the evil of Tiamat's spawn. The eastern marches are the dwelling of Furinar the Plague-Bringer, black dragoness whose hoard is a thousand sicknesses contained in the body of her tributes. The southern volcanic mountains are the roosting of Angrar the Wrathful, the fiery red dragon, who brings magmatic fury on all who do not worship him. And the northern peaks are home to Face-Biter Mike, the oldest and most powerful of all, of whom I dread to speak." Adventurers: "F-Face-Biter Mike???" Therunax: "Oh yes, verily indeed; two thousand years has Mike lived, and his eyes have seen the rise and fall of five empires, and a hundred and score champions have sought to slay him; and each and every one he bit their fucking face off."

Like... I want to see a campaign where Face-Biter Mike is genuinely the most powerful dragon in the region, if not the entire world. Where sometimes he descends on a city to grab himself some meatsicles and causes a localised ice age by the beat of his vast wings and the frigid wastes of his mighty breath and by the chill his mere presence brings to everything for miles around him, and everyone just has to deal with that for the next decade. An entire era of civilization comes to an end, an empire falls, tens of thousands starve in the winter, all because Mike wanted a snack. Where his hoard is an unfathomably vast mass of jewels and artefacts and precious stones frozen in an unmelting glacier, except he is a nouveau riche idiot with fuckall appraising skill, so half of his hoard is coloured glass or worthless knicknacks, and he doesn't give a shit.

"Your Draconic Majesty, this crown is… It's pyrite." "Yeah, well, it's brighter than this dusty old thing made out of real gold, it's my new best treasure. Throw the other one away." "…throw the Burnished Tiara of Bahamut, forged in the First Age of Man, your majesty???" "See? I can't even remember its fucking name." "But my lord-" "DO YOU WANT TO BE A MEATSICLE" "…I will fetch a trash bag, your majesty."

But at the same time, he's not stupid, he's just simple, and in some ways that makes him more dangerous than the usual kinds of scheming Big Bad you see in these things, while simultaneously justifying why Orcus remains on his throne (because he's lazy). Face-Biter Mike doesn't make convoluted plans or run labyrinthine schemes; he just has a talent for violence and a pragmatic, straightforward approach to turning any kind of problem he struggles with into a problem that can be resolved with violence. Face-Biter Mike has one talent and it's horrifying physical power, so his approach to any complicated problem is "how do I turn this into a situation where I can fly down and bite this dude's face off?" with absolutely no regard for the collateral damage or consequences of doing so, because those are also things he can turn into face-bitable problems.

"My lord, the dread necromancer Nikodemion is using his undead dragons to attempt a conquest of the eastern kingdom; his agents are everywhere, his plans are centuries in the making, what can we do against such a mastermind?" "I'm gonna fly over the capital and eat the eastern king." "M-my lord???" "The kingdom will collapse without leadership, Nikodemion will win his war, he'll take the capital and crown himself king." "And that helps us… how?" "Once he does I'll fly over to the capital and eat him." "…" "This is why you advisors all suck. You're all about convoluted plans when the only thing I need to win is know where my enemy is so I can fly down there and eat him. Stop overthinking things."

And, like, yeah, it's a simplistic plan, but when you're several hundred tons of nigh invincible magical death, you don't need brilliant strategy; the smartest way to win a war is, in this case, the simplest. He's not even all that clever at figuring out the consequences of face-biting, he's just memorised the common consequences of doing so.

(If you want to go all in on Mike being the major mover and shaker in the region; Nikodemion only even has a pet zombie dragon because Mike killed the last dragon to show up and contest his turf but wasn't going to eat a whole dragon by himself. Nikodemion got to stick around and amass that much power because Mike ate the Hero of the Realm while he was adventuring because he figured the Hero would come and try to slay him at some point. Nikodemion got started because Mike ate half the leadership of the Academy of High Magic who typically keep evil wizards and necromancers in check. And then eventually this product of Mike's casual, careless actions becomes a big enough problem to bother Mike personally, at which point Mike eats him too.)

He doesn't even really fail upwards, either! He is regularly reduced to nothing but the glacier he stores his hoard in, but he's Face-Biter Mike so nobody wants to commit to actually ending him forever lest they get their faces bitten the fuck off. And his hoard's in a huge-ass magical glacier so nobody can get to it without running into the Invading Russia problem; it's hard to wage war when everything is frozen over and you're both starving and freezing to death. Once he's been beaten back to his central lair and has lost all his holdings… I mean, he's still a problem, but he's a far away problem. So he loses his assets and spends a decade in a cave brooding it up while no one dares risk trying to actually kill him, and then a generation or two later he flies down to a kobold colony and gets himself some minions, or a dragon-worshipping mage comes to offer his service against a pittance from his hoard, or a particularly stupid cult starts thinking they can get in good with him and leech off his power, and then he's (hah) snowballing again.

He's also got a very… well, the kind of weird Charisma that Grineer bosses do. Like Sargas Ruk, who's a malformed idiot, but oddly charismatic. As he's a dragon, that makes him a natural sorcerer and thus Charisma is all he needs. He's pretty relaxed when he isn't in a face-biting mood, and he's kind of infectiously optimistic, because his life has taught him that he will succeed as long as he perseveres. So he just believes it.

And sometimes that's really refreshing to work for, as an evil minion of darkness! It's like, you're coming to your Evil Dragon Lord with terrible news; you've worked for evil overlords before, you know how it goes. You fall to your knees weeping and tell him that you've failed to seize the incredibly powerful magical artifact, you think your life is forfeit. And he's just like "Eh, it's okay, these things are all over the place. Better luck next time. You remember the guy who took it, right?" and you go "Y-yes, oh great lord!" and he's like "Sweet tell me his name later and I'll grab it" and then eats a frozen adventurer he kept around as a snack.

His followers tend to quickly realise that if they fail him, bringing some temple's silver or a sack of brightly coloured beads or a couple of dead cows means he's super forgiving because at least he's got something out of the day. "Oh boy, cows? It's been forever since I had those, ever since the Orc Steppe Nomads took over it's all about goats and onions. Today is a good day." He's a master of delegation by dragon standards, in that he just tells you "Just go get it done, I don't care how" rather than micromanaging you and constantly appearing as an image in smoke or taking over your campfire.

The key part of Face-Biter Mike as a threat to players (because he exists in the context of a D&D campaign) works well in that you can rely on several known quantities:

He will not pull sneaky shit that you don't see coming

He will not make convoluted plans that you must work to unravel

He will consistently attempt to come down and wreck you personally if he finds the opportunity and you are a threat to him

You cannot fight him head-on (at least not until the last leg of the campaign, and ideally as an optional boss rather than mandatory)

So as long as you are good at staying under the radar, thwarting his minions (whom he gives broad orders to with almost zero oversight) and not putting yourself in face-biting range, you can deal with him. If you succeed, it won't be the first time Mike has lost his assets and had to go brood in his glacier for a decade or two before rebuilding. It happens; he can deal with it. And that's a win for you within the context of a single campaign, so take the win.

And if you're not going to use him as an enemy, he works pretty well as a quest-giver, too! The costs for failure are obvious and straightforward, and "do whatever, just get me mine" means that players have a lot of freedom in accomplishing their goals. As far as evil overlords go he is actually one of the least dangerous to work for; his pride is relatively subdued by draconic standards, his goals are simple and typically achievable, and he is easily pleased.

(There's also a good chance he is the forefather of any draconic sorcerer in your party, because Face Biter Mike is a deadbeat dad.)

#d&d #face-biter mike #I want this #writing #gaming #advice #funny #criticism #fandom

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y-rhywbeth2 · 5 months

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Lore Compilations (+ this blog's tagging/filter list at the end)

A WIP of a pinned post table of contents to tidy up the blog while I empty my fixations onto it plus a lore accuracy disclaimer (so I don't have to keep typing one), because why not. I like tables of content.

Disclaimer regarding lore accuracy: If you combine 50 years, 5 editions, 10+ settings, god knows how many novels, and then all the writers who all retcon and contradict each other's work then what you get is a clusterfuck. The lore I show here is compiled from all five editions of the game. You will likely see stuff out there that contradicts some things I say, or stuff I didn't mention/know. That's the lore for you. If you were the Dungeon Master making your own story, your job would be to pick and chose and build your own take on the setting out of it. I, personally, heavily favour older lore. Larian absolutely did this with Baldurs Gate 3 - frankly, I don't think they even know half this lore even exists, and Bioware took some liberties in the original games too. Wizards of the Coast themselves trample D&D into the ground all the time! All D&D is near enough fanfiction built on fanfiction. Therefore, if you find any information useful you may take it, leave it or tweak it to your desire for your own story, because it's D&D lore, and that's how it works.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS [WIP] (I make no promises as to the speed or order at which any of this is produced)

Baldurs Gate: The City #1 | The City #2 | Aministration & Government | ???

Religion How religion works in the Realms, the different pantheons in the world and then individual posts dedicated to the gods as individuals, how and why to worship them and how their churches function

Religion | Priesthoods and Temples | Deities

Vampires Feeding | "Biology" | Hierarchy & Powers | Weaknesses & Cures | Psychology

Drow Culture | Other Drow Cultures

Planars & Planetouched Tieflings | Githyanki | Bhaalspawn | Devils

(I don't know how many sections the others will take, as the elves got preferential treatment and have so much more lore. so the rest will be blank for now until I have an idea of how much I'm dealing with)

Orcs

Hin - That's "halfling", if you're over 3'4" Overview | Culture | Homelands | Religion

Gnomes Culture | Homelands | History | Religion

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Tagging system:

Various lore things that don't go in the larger compilations are tagged lore stuff

If I feel like posting anything I scribbled ("art"), the tag will be the scribbles

When I'm making posts and being negative or complaining about video games and trivial stuff, it will be filed as: griping

Whenever I find or consider something new about the Dead Three and/or want to rant and scream insults at Bane again, my tag is the idiot three

Things that aren't lore will get tagged babbling

When I babble about my characters, I tag it OCs, and the ocs are also tagged by name. So far I've only mentioned Vel

If I don't want to put my babbling about certain characters into the tags, I'll just put the / in front. /astarion, /orin, /gortash, /durge, etc

For sensitive material, such as if I feel like poking at the various delightful topics presented in the game - ranging from toxic relationships, the potential Banite police state, Bhaalist red rooms and the cult abuse and the creepy breeding programs - I'll use edgelord hours - as in Dead Dove Do Not Eat

When I want to babble about stuff happening in my game as I play it, they're tagged playthrough shenanigans

When I start talking about my oc's romance with Astarion I'll tag it petty murder boyfriends

When I want to get some popcorn and watch the disaster that is the Chosen and pre-amnesia Durge being irredeemably evil, I'll just tag it villainous nonsense for now.

#lore stuff

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charlottedabookworm · 3 months

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In your Bahamutson Ardyn AU, is Somnus his full brother? And if yes, do Lucis Caelum know they are descended from an Astral, are there any legends about it?

…do you know what? I don’t think we ever even thought wbout it

i’m definitely thinking about it now tho and-

hmmm i’mma say yes

yes tehy’re full blooded brothers

yes somnus is just as astral blooded as ardyn is, yes bahamut sired them both, yes because it makes it worse

ardyn dies at his brothers hands under his fathers orders and it means that bahamut chose a favourite son he told one of his children to kill thenother ans-

and astral blooded children kill eachother all the time but never before has an astral child murdered a fullblood sibling under the orders of their father and-

neither brother ever forgives bahamut for it

ardyn for the obvious reasons but somnys

somnus eas supposed to bave won. all his life has he competed against his brother and he is supposed to have won. finally he is better than ardyn in something, finally he is someone’s favourite-

except, he quickly realises, he isn’t

his father bid him kill ardyn because somnus is bahamut favourite, he tells himself and he is desperate to believe it but he isn’t

he isn’t because he sees no more of his astral father than before. he still Hears him less rhan ardyn had mentioned. the crystal doesn’t sing the way it used to and somnus should be the favourite

there’s no one else to take father’s attention he should finally have it but-

his father, when he appears, speaks of nothing but prophecy. he thanks somnus for doing his duty, for aiding in the continuation of the great prophecy, and nothing more and somnus-

somnus is a second son, no less loved for it but there has always been less time, less attention, less care for him. his brother was to be king and somnus just a knight and he has always known his place and he is no idiot

he realises very quickly what it is he has done

what his father has bid him do, with silences and leading statements and letting somnus make his own conclusions about after

he killed jis brother for his father’s love and a throne and he has only one of these and he is not ashamed. he’s angry

no more, somnus lucis caelum declares to himself. i will be a puppet no more

somnus lucis caelum is the founder king of lucis. his legacy is a dynasty that spans a hundred generations

people two thousand years from now will know his name, will speak of his deeds, of his victories, of his greatness

not a single document will mention his father’s name

(lucis may pay homage to bahamut but somnus will never allow the astral to claim any part of his kingdom)

(he wipes all trace of his being astral blooded from existence, goes down in history as a mortal man, and he dies laughing)

(somnus and ardyn are as petty as each other in the end)

#ask #raven-6-10 #ffxv #Ardyn is bahamut’s son #…was that the right tag?#idk worst case i’ll change it when i’m on my pc #also this isn’t quite what you asked lolsorry #bahamutson au

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kaz-identified · 4 months

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me and my friend are running a two person multiplayer save on bg3 and the silliness of our tav's dynamic inspired me. we have full intention to drag these idiots into a proper campaign so im not tagging this as baldur's gate.

Anyone who had heard that the Raging Phoenix, a war priest of Bahamut was traveling with a man called the Silver Tongued Devil, a man known for scamming gods, devils, and fae would be hard pressed to believe it. A war cleric and a paladin, a paladin sworn to an oath of vengeance, no less, consorting with, protecting a warlock bound to how many devils? It's odd.

But alas, that was truth of the matter of the strange duo in the tavern.

The Phoenix, Inquisitor Lady Guinevere St. James, stood in all her horrible glory, menacing aura of radiance glittering around her head like a halo. Her trimmed black and golden ringmail armor caught the candle light of the tavern in such a way to make it look aflame. Her massive broadsword dripped blood from the first strike she had taken, gleaming, hungry, desperate to be fed with the souls of those the Inquisitor judged guilty. Her expression was one of barely contained rage, teeth bared, tail lashing, eyes glimmering with simmering wrath, a dragon begging to be unleashed. She had positioned herself between the warlocks in the tavern and the half-elf behind her. Acting as a living shield between emissaries of Lorcan and Vasile, the Devil You Know. Her massive frame kept them from reaching Vasil, but he was actively undermining that protective effort by peeking out from past her shoulder.

"Truly, I don't know what your problem with me is!" he whined, looking at them from over Guinevere's shoulder. "I never made a deal with Lorcan!"

"Vas," Guinevere growled a warning, glancing disdainfully at him from her periphery, not fully willing to tear her gaze from the warlocks before them.

"Whaaat?" He asked, looking up at her. "I didn't! I don't know why they're mad!" he gestured broadly at the band of warlocks.

Guinevere sighed, her intimidating, near vengeful god aura dissipating as her halo fades. She pinches the bridge of her nose like a disappointed teacher. "Quite frankly, Vas. What devil isn't mad at you?"

Vasile opens his mouth for a moment before closing it, unable to come up with an answer.

"My point exactly," Guinevere sighs, shoving him back behind her. "Now stay put," she hisses.

Vas makes a mocking gesture behind her, one Guinevere doesn't deign to respond to.

"And you!" she turns to the warlocks, radiant energy shimmering about her head like a halo once more as she channels divinity through her blade, lighting it to crackle with golden light. Her eyes glimmer with silvery wrathful light as she stalks forward, step by step.

The warlock at the head of the pack of three, a slender wood elf, stumbles back a step as she approaches, footfalls silent as a cat's, teeth bared in violent promise.

She stops about a foot from him, and stabs her sword into the ground between them, a small tremor trembling out from the point of impact, the earth at the door crackling with divine energy.

The warlock at the front flinches back.

She leans into his face, barely inches apart. "I suggest you run. Because if you lay a hand on my friend, I'll flay you alive and use your skin as a flag to my lord and his vengeance," she whispers. "Do I make myself clear?"

The trio doesn't answer, sprinting off into the city proper instead.

"Well, that went well!"

"Vas."

"I mean, you were quite scary there!"

"Vas."

"Really intimidating, couldn-"

"Vas."

"Yes?"

"Remove the hex from them."

"...funny thing about that-"

"VAS!"

ao3: houseofmcallister

main account: houseofmcallister

buy me a coffee!

Don’t repost my work or I’ll eat your shoulder blades! I do not consent to my works being used for AI training purposes.

#dnd character #writing #dnd writing #kaz's silly guys

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notjusthespongenextdoor · 12 days

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Writing Patterns Tag Game

Tagged by @buildarocketboys!

Rules: list the first lines(s) of your last 10 fics and see if there's a pattern.

I was so worried going through my last 10 fics would take me way too deep into my previous fandoms since I didn't write for a while but it's fairly reasonable if i include shit i haven't published or even finished lol

(not yet published): A sensation comes to him in his half-dreaming state. A touch to his back by a warm hand, and then one of those fingers tracing over something--tracing over the numb welts of the scars carved into his back.

to make me love you less: It’s the smallest thing that does it. They’re all sitting around the waning campfire, most of them drunk to varying degrees and listening to Karlach and Lae’zel exchanging war stories, the former of which seemingly unaware that she's in a competition.

something good can work: He's learning how long he can tolerate morning’s light. He never had reason to take the risk in the many long years before the tadpole, before...all of that happened.

(not yet published....): He shouldn't have. He shouldn't have he absolutely shouldn't, it's the kind of idiotic, naïve mistake he thought had been beaten out of him decades ago.

(silly thing for a friend lol): He’s lived too long--too long!--on squirrels and foxes and the occasional boar, when he's lucky. It's the best he’s been fed in his life as a blood-sucker, but it's not enough to keep him going through long days (days! Imagine that) of traveling and fighting and dealing with this lot.

peace to those who suffer: The slow waking of the morning still fills him with dread. It’s hard to shake, after two centuries of fearing the sun.

a promise: A strange calm washes over him as he falls, shedding Bahamut’s skin one final time. Perhaps he is victorious, perhaps not.

azem's adventures in herbology: She’s called him before. More times than he can count, but he is certain it has never felt like this.

join me within: You wake to your heart pounding in your chest, and this time the answer to “why” doesn’t arise from pondering your dreams, the half-formed traumas of your past awakening you--no, this time the danger is in front of your open eyes, a swirling, dark cloud hovering over your bed.

we're all okay: Squidward glances up over the top of his magazine, meeting eyes with the irritated customer looming over the cash register. This is the part where they snap at him, and he makes a snarky comment in return, then they both part from the interaction in a worse mood than they went into it.

Pattern I was absolutely expecting: I've developed some kind of allergy to mentioning the POV character's name in the first sentence which I'm sure is confusing to some people but it JUST SEEMS WRONg

Pattern i wasn't entirely expecting but am not particlarly surprised by: having to include the second sentence in almost all of these because the first sentence is just absolutely devoid of any context

uhhh who the fuck do i know that regularly writes. @loyalhorror good luck, @dragqueenpentheus, yeah i got nothin

#mine.txt #the absolute whiplash between number 9 and 10 lmfao #spongesound.txt

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sparklecryptid · 2 years

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Moose is having a great time. Moose is having the best time of her life. Moose is absolutely not going to regret this in the morning or when she becomes sober.

Taking the bottle of whiskey from her bosses stash was not the best idea, but Moose had needed the liquid courage to finish this harebrained scheme of hers so she paid her boss in full for the whiskey and promised to open it at home.

A promise she had broken, as evidence but the guards attempting to grab her and the fact that despite her stumbling into the throne room she has somehow managed to stay put using all of the one hundred and fifty pounds of her body and planting her ass on the ground.

Moose squints at the King and his Council. She is very probably very close to dying.

She doesn’t really care, given the fact that both Titus and Ardyn are in this room too she knows exactly what is happening.

“You’re all idiots,” Moose announces with thr gravity of a seasoned prophet, “But you King Regis, are quite possibly the most idiotic man I have ever had the displeasure of meeting.”

She pauses to take another swig of her bottle. Someone tries to move her and Moose should have been moved forcibly by the guards a while ago but it feels as if she’s made of water and stone, it feels like she’s unmovable.

Moose doesn’t question it, all her attempts at plot changing have failed so why not bitch out the King before she dies?

“What kind of father refuses to fight for his son?” Moose demands, “I mean sure, there’s the whole prophecy and whatever but the fact you’re just lying in wait for it to happen? Come on. Come on. What ridiculous, stupid, foolish person does that! Where’s your fight asshole! If you’re going to let a city fall for the sake of the everything else at LEAST make an effort to fight for us first!”

Moose turns her glare toward Ardyn.

“And you! You gentlefucker! You are just as bad as him! Ohhh I’m going to succumb and follow the orders of the god who cursed me ohhhh! Shut the fuck up! You are literally immortal! You can fuck all the shit up! You can turn the tides on Bahamut if you wanted to but you don’t because you’re still faithful you still think you need to play your role but that’s bullshit!”

“King Regis,” Ardyn says and there’s a threat in his voice that Moose ignores and slouches down to glare at everything and everyone, “Who is this?”

Moose holds her access card aloft in the air before Regis can answer.

“I am a fucking intern,” Moose says, “A fucking PhD and too many years of school and all I fucking get is a lousy intern job. This city fucking runs on unpaid labor.”

Moose blinks, suddenly aware of the world turning blurry.

“Fuck.” Is the last thing she says before blacking out.

#moose flips the script verse #irl moose does not want or have a phd but insomnia moose does

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icharchivist · 2 months

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If anything, getting divorced made Lucilius hate Bahamut even more, because what kind of idiotic shitty God makes such a preventable obvious mistake

Meanwhile Beelzebub is crying doing pushups because he's feeling used and insulted

NO BUT RIGHT

look listen it also make it make sense how the world most aroace person obviously ended up into a marriage he broke of: this was all an experiment to try to understand what God felt when he divorced with himself.

Like, Faasan is a scientist so he would have to try out, and he needs to understand God at all cost during this part of his life

so he marries Beelzebub because he's an Astral with similar goals as him, maybe he has some Sahar's memories of Shalem that makes him believe Beelzebub is a more worthy other half than anyone else, so he gets married to experience what being divorced is like.

Lucilius drive the conclusion that marriage isn't that impactful and he doesn't understand why a divorce would have caused this much trouble in the skies, so Bahamut must be a weakass bitch to genuinely destroy the skies over his divorce. Like he just didn't have to get married to start with. buffoon.

Beelzebub meanwhile is crying and heartbroken exactly like you picture because he thought they actually had something damnit. Maybe if Lucilius cared to look at him he'd have an idea of what the Omnipotent felt like. But it's not really an Astral thing to look into the feelings of others.

adding insult to injury, Lucilius just writes of that if you're so affected by your divorce you destroy the skies you're a weak ass bitch, ignoring that Beelzebub is using their divorce as a cause to his upcoming apocalypse...

and ignoring that his perfect clone is currently also going through a divorce that will tear the skies and bring an apocalypse and that had both sides completely ruined emotionally speaking to justify it.

but that'd require Lucilius to emotionally pay attention to others and we can't have that.

#ichareply #ichafantalks gbf #anonymous #''or maybe he just never married Beelzebub to start with'' no that wouldn't make any sense. come on now.

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simple-simpin · 1 year

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a rude awakening

Ardyn Izunia x GN! Reader

Summary: You are an assassin sent to kill one 'Somnus Lucis Caelum'. Now if only you could tell the difference between east and west.

CW: Attempted murder

Words: 2.2k

Every night sky in the now fallen Solheim was filled with thousands of memorable constellations. Many of them were dedicated to the Astrals, such as the Hand of Titan, or Bahamut's Blade- both of which were visible tonight. It was getting rather cold this late in the year, further accentuated by the faint white clouds that escaped your mouth. From your pocket you pulled out a crinkled envelope that had already been opened hours before. The letter inside was neatly folded but you swiftly straightened it out.

"Target, Somnus Lucis Caelum. Residence..." You whispered silently to yourself, needing to double check every piece of information before doing the job. Further down the page you reviewed the information on your target's location. At this time of night, he was expected to be fast asleep in his bedroom, located within the east wing of the castle. According to hearsay, he was a very heavy sleeper so the job shouldn't be too hard.

"Not too hard." You recalled the words of your employer. You were breaking into a fortified castle housing the land's most prominent nobility, how on Eos was this supposed to go smoothly? Just then you recalled the reasoning behind this job, why you absolutely had to succeed. The Caelum brothers would one day rule this land, there was no doubt about that, but the previous idea of them doing so together was no longer a possibility. If only their parents could see the rift between them now. From what you’d heard, it was hard to believe that the two were even related.

If Somnus was allowed to live, countless hardships would transpire under his leadership. The people needed Ardyn as their ruler, lest more innocents be slaughtered in his younger brother's wake. That is why you lay in wait amongst the flowerbeds of their elaborate garden. You tried to keep a level head. "Just finish this quickly..." You spoke in your mind. You were rather out of your element with this job, having travelled very far from your home village, and yet you felt more annoyed than stressed. You would prefer to be laying in your own bed right now.

When the two guards by the garden left for a perimeter check, that was when you made your move. You ran quickly, but quietly along the soft grass and began climbing the west wing of the castle. Your agility was actually one of the reasons why you became an assassin, well, that combined with poverty and grey morality. Climbing up the old stone bricks wasn't an issue; as the aged cracks and intricate designs presented many places for you to latch onto.

Soon, you found yourself up by one of the smaller windows. With one hand gripping the bricks, you unsheathed the dagger from your belt and thrust it between the window frame. When you forced the handle down, a small crack could be heard from the lock snapping apart. Just like that, you found yourself stepping into a grand, pale hallway. It was so majestic for such a bleak part of the home. At the end of said hallway stood what must have been the door to your target's bedroom. The nameplate said only Lord Caelum.

Off in the distance, you could hear either guards or servants speaking in calm voices. No one had yet been alerted of your presence. A simple twist lock was now the only thing standing between you and your target, the type of lock that any idiot could learn how to trick open with enough time. You spent a minute messing around between the handle and doorframe before it clicked open. There would be no turning back now.

Click. You closed the door quietly behind you. Taking a deep breath, you felt nerves clawing up your chest. 'Here comes the hard part...' You thought, lifting your forehead from the wood and turning to face the dark room. You never did enjoy the aspect of killing in your line of work, which is why you only accepted the vilest of targets. A fact that you had to constantly remind yourself of. Aside from your practically silent movements throughout the room, the only sound to be heard was soft breathing from your target. The moonlight from outside cast a faint spotlight upon his sleeping form, allowing you a better look once you approached.

He looked... so peaceful as he dreamt. Occasionally, his eyelashes would twitch, or he'd take a deeper breath than the last as he explored the product of today's memories. The corners of his lips tugged just barely into a natural smile, surrounded by well-kept stubble. Long, dark, maroon hair lay splayed out messily against the pillow and his arms were crossed loosely across his diaphragm. His blanket seemed to have gotten twisted in the night as it barely covered half of his body. For an unidentifiable reason, part of you almost wanted to fix it for him.

You shook your head irritably. That is not what you were getting paid to do, you had a job to carry out. Shakily, you gripped the handle of your dagger once again, this time raising it almost above your head. Just one good stab and it will all be over... You'd already ended a handful of monsters in your life, this was no different. With a short inhale and a rush of adrenaline, you brought your hands crashing down toward his chest, blade aimed directly at his heart.

It didn't pierce. All of a sudden, you felt a strong grip around your wrist and you were pulled down onto a soft surface. It took a moment for your brain to catch up, a little dizzy from being tossed around so quickly. When you finally opened your eyes, you were staring up into light brown one's that twinkled in the moonlight. He looked down at you with weary amusement, clearly tired from being woken up before dawn. His hands did not falter as they kept yours firmly against the mattress.

"I will grant you a moment to explain yourself, but do not take me for a fool." He spoke, voice rough from waking up. His hair hung forward in locks, just barely tickling your now burning skin. Your mind went into overdrive, torn between coming up with a good excuse and trying to not look down at his practically bare body. "I-...I was-" You couldn't muster anything as your brain blanked. His head cocked a little to the side as he waited. Just then, his thigh felt the most curious crinkling of paper in your pocket.

He released your hands to open up the envelope. "Wait!" You tried to sit up, only to be sent back down against the pillow. Being straddled was not a scenario you had expected for this job. ‘Not too hard...’ The words of your employer rung once again. Damn him. You glanced around for your weapon and saw it discarded on the floor. "Ah..." Your target piped up. "Perhaps I should ask you to explain this instead?" He held the note up after he'd finished reading.

You went into salvation mode. "Please I- My family is poor. A stranger cornered me and- He threatened to hurt them, I-" Your voice died in your throat. The man on top of you glanced over the note one last time before folding it up. "You expect me to believe you made it up here with no prior experience?" He asked in an almost condescending tone.

You dropped the faux fear that once distorted your features. "Very well." You voice was now cold, monotone, and rather vexed from having your work interrupted. Quickly, you bolted up and grabbed the back of his hair in your fist. As you pulled him aside, you wrapped your now free leg around his waist, effectively reversing your roles. "I accepted this job for the money- and to rid this world of an especially cruel man. Two birds, one stone." Your hands rested firmly against his chest. He didn't fight back, at least, not yet.

Instead, he chuckled. "In that case, I'm afraid you're out of luck... Your letter states that you are looking for Somnus, and yet, you've stumbled into the wrong bedroom." He smirked, hands still resting calmly at by his sides. If it were not Somnus whom you'd just attempted to murder, then this must be... Realization swept over you like the waves of Leviathan. You had just tried to assassinate House Caelum's eldest brother, Ardyn... The one who was blessed by the Gods, revered by the people. Killing him would bring down a wrath most unimaginable.

How could you have been so irresponsible? Had he not woken up, your actions could've guaranteed a evil tyranny take place. Cursed be your employer for not including a physical description.

"You’re-… It seems I'll have to take my business elsewhere, apologies for disturbing your rest." You were just about to leave when his hands moved to your waist, pulling you back into place. The touch caused your breath to hitch in an unexpected, albeit pleasant way. "Oh? Am I supposed to let you sneak out of here and take my dear brother's life?" He asked, almost offended that you would disrespect his duties as an older brother. Somnus may have torn many families apart and stolen hundreds of lives, but Ardyn could never wish the same to befall his own flesh and blood.

You smirked as a glimmer of his protective nature shone through. "Am I to understand you wish to fight for him? It would be a shame to destroy this lovely room in such an unsavoury way. " You said slyly. Whilst the furniture didn't look particularly expensive, just about every visible item looked like it could hold sentimental value. "I have no desire to harm you, of that you are already aware. No, I wish to make you an offer." He spoke. There were only two reasons why anyone would typically strike a deal with you. Either they were trying to undervalue your work, or they were bargaining for their life. You preferred to stay away from them and protect your reputation, but no one is perfect.

"An offer?" You asked with intrigue. There were plenty of things that a man of nobility could tempt you with... so long as it wasn't a flimsy IOU. Those never paid off very well. "I can pay you triple that of your employer, if you will spare my barbaric brother's life tonight." Ardyn spoke calmly from under you. Currency was a wonderful thing, but loopholes were far greater.

"That is very generous my lord, but do tell me, what is to stop me from accepting your offer and doing the job regardless?" You test him, your hands sliding playfully up to his collarbone.

He hummed thoughtfully, eyes trailing down to your mischievous hands. "Because you will stay here tonight, under my supervision... and in exchange I will sweeten the deal for you." His lips drew up in a most suggestive way. It was only then that you noticed how firmly his hands still held onto your waist, or how the room temperature had risen from your close proximity... how your fingers had been absentmindedly tracing patterns along his skin.

Had you been getting seduced this entire time, or had you been unwittingly seducing him? It seemed this man wasn’t as pure as his people claimed. "How sweet are you offering?" Your tone changed with interest.

You were only human. Of course, you had fantasized about such a thing happening on the job before, but never expected it to be a reality. There was something special about Ardyn though. Perhaps it was his face, his voice, or even his aura that made you feel like you could trust him completely. Or maybe it was just the fact that he didn’t chastise you for your line of work, at any time he could’ve run for the guards and had you locked away like beast.

Ardyn sat up slowly, removing a hand from your side to reach toward your face. His fingers lightly caressed your jaw before cupping your already warm cheek. "Only as sweet as you'll allow." His voice was soft as he spoke, luring you further into his welcoming embrace. There was no ill-intent to be found in his words, only the promise of passion between two weary souls. Once more did you glance toward the knife in the middle of the floor.

“I can feel your heart. It yearns to beat in pleasure instead of anguish, to experience the warmth of another, as opposed to the cold sight of their death.” He whispered almost lovingly. In a way it was like he was asking you to change your course, and for the first time it felt possible.

No wonder he had such an effect on people. You returned the gesture and dragged a hand along his stubble. "It seems your true gift lies in reading people… yet your kindness makes you naïve. Do you truly believe seductive words can alter the course of one's life...?" You made the first move to close the gap, lips pressing against each other in a explorative way, eager to learn each other’s patterns.

Your fist found his hair for the second time tonight, though this time in a much gentler way as you bunched it up in your hand. His touches were far more careful than yours, not being one to push people's boundaries. Ardyn pulled your torso closer to his, your chests almost flush together, before slightly leaning back from the chaste kiss. You were practically chasing him for more.

"Let us find out."

Randomly went from plot to horny rip

Kept it light for my first one but plan to get spicier in the future 🌶

#final fantasy xv #final fantasy 15 #ffxv #ff15 #ardyn izunia #ardyn lucis caelum #ffxv ardyn #ff15 ardyn #ardyn x reader #ardyn izunia x reader #ardyn lucis caelum x reader #square enix #i promise ill write better

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asknarashikari · 2 years

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Just watched the Saber Final Stage(it did not include the talkshow afterwards in the download).

Asmodeus as a villain was strange.

He acted completely different, and no one mentioned anything else from Super Hero Senki or the TV Crossover either.

Reika and Ryoga were the first to get hit, and also never appeared out of Henshin.

Then we see the OT4 out and about.

Rintaro literally asks, about the OT4 hanging out "Mei-san, this is what normal Homo Sapiens would describe as a date, right?"

Yes, Rintaro, you four are on a date.

Kento then tells Rintaro to just straight up ask Mei on a date already, which proves the entire OT4 have been blind to the fact they're already all together.

Then Kento and Touma do a Heart Shape with their hands, idiots(affectionate) .

Asmodeus and Charybdis(even though his Book was destroyed, Asmodeus has it?) Appear, Daishinji-san, Ogami-san, and Ren appear and the Six Northern Base riders transform, Charybdis spits out brainwashed Megid Generals ans Desast, and Yuri appears.

I am no longer gonna be describing the story.

Reika showed her inner Brocon.

Ryoga was thoroughly humiliated.

Swordboy OT3 as ths Musketeers is amazing.

Daishinji-san as the Beast and Ogami-san as the Beauty is Bizzare.

Yuri the Pooh, hilarious.

I.. cannot for the life of me remember what Ren was.

Haouken Xross Saber appearing to Touma was amazing looking.

Kamen Rider Tassel was. Strange.

The Magid Generals and Desast regaining their free will was great.

Rintaro, Ryoga and Zoous was epic.

Kento, Ren and Desast, chef's kiss.

Touma and Storius, incredible.

The Megid Generals and Desast Sacrificing themselves, almost heartbreaking.

Ultimate Bahamut is Amazing, easy to forget it's one's suit and another's helmet, recolored togethed.

Ending on the OT4 before they break Character was great.

Aoki just lying on the Goddamn floor to stay in the Audience's line of site, great.

All in all, magnificent.

I will watch the V-Cinema, actually, I need to know how to rework it, and for that I need to see it.

But only after Beyond Generations, which will be watched where ir fits for Revice.

Saber Final Stage was kinda insane tbh

Not only did it continue the saga of Rintaro's attempts to woo Mei, but also had all the Northern Base swordsmen shipping them with KenTouma as the co-captains XD

They really went and made a Pooh parody right after he became public domain, I love it. And Ren was Pinocchio :))

Oh, and for the thing with Ryouga and Reika- see, their actors were only on the Tokyo leg of the tour, which is the one that got made into the DVD, and that's why we see them on stage afterward. But they weren't in the other shows. The Osaka and Fukuoka shows had different cast members as guests. The only cast members who were in all three shows were the actors for the original Northern Base swordsmen and Mei. So Ryouga and Reika had to stay transformed throughout, so that the show just has one consistent story even with the rotating guests.

Fun fact, they also performed different songs for the Final Live- the Osaka and Fukuoka shows had either Rewrite the Story or Will Save Us, while Tokyo had both.

Ryo Aoki just lying there on the stage XD Two of my mutuals, @iristial and @springstarfangirl commented something along the lines of "draw me like one of your cute toku boys" and I just about lost it. He's such a menace, I love him.

#kamen rider saber #ask #pkmurasaki

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adagaium · 1 year

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with everything as it seems to be , nothing will be fixed if noctis alone dies, if that was the case, he would’ve been slaughtered like a sacrificial lamb, his death is a savior’s death on the condition that ardyn dies and they happen to meet in the brief period where ardyn sees the beyond before he comes back, noctis thus gets the opening to do what needs to be done, but when u actually look at things, whether or not ardyn is curing or spreading or a mix of both, the cure for the scourge is still ARDYN’S sacrifice, ARDYN dies and takes the sins of humanity with him.

is adagium a mark of sin yeah of course, but adagium is also an entire new being rather than just a title that was slapped on him. as we’ve seen and i’ve written about before, ardyn basically just assimilated a bunch of people’s memories into himself and got really bad results from it, so adagium is the resulting conglomerate, where adagium is the we are legion and we are many / angra mainyu all the world’s evils, but also rule #1 of parasitism is you don’t live if your host doesn’t live. so basically again the implication still is that whoever ardyn was before is Still Buried In There which arguably makes things even more horrifying.

in general, i do have other posts about adagium and what it is- and how it's different from ardyn himself, but that's not exactly what this post is about.

also i’d like to call to attention the ‘my calling is to save lives not take them’ so idk about anyone else but i think if i thought my calling was something, then that’s basically what i’d see as my fate. it’s a fate ardyn was ready to accept, because he’s not an idiot. he could’ve chosen not to do that, but he chose to heal people because he had the power to do so. was he arrogant enough to think he could actually accomplish the task of healing everyone in his human lifespan? yeah. yeah he was. did he overestimate himself? not entirely, because again he does in fact play a key role in being the entity that has to Go to cure the world. also, in the end, he was also an astral- which makes it easier to have that level of power, y'know?

and of course let’s not forget that really, it seems like ardyn is wholly uninterested in revenge at first, he’s just really disoriented and distressed, verstael played him like a fucking fiddle

ardyn vc how do you know what i want verstael vc i don’t , but i know you have no other options.

verstael backed ardyn into a corner with that one, and made him DOUBT his choices. ardyn is a creature enjoying the concept of free will, of his action makes a reaction, not of someone else telling him what to do, which is why i'm like why did they add a ‘say ok to ur fate’ option but whatever i digress. as things went on, ardyn kept getting hit with things that were like oh this is no longer in YOUR hands, this is a higher power making you CHOOSE this, and bahamut takes advantage of that, going as far as to use the image of someone ardyn cares deeply about to torture him until he breaks, that’s low, bahamut.

then we get the to be continued in chapter 14 at the end which basically loops us back to nothing changes, ardyn dies and with him dies the starscourge which represents the sins of humanity so yeah ardyn is literally the most disastrous savior ever but he is still in fact the savior

thanks for coming to my tedtalk

#and when god asks me about love‚ i always respond with cruelty ❜ › meta analysis

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